#so it should be contradicted for the sake of the work later(this really is my personal take! so no offense)

[yuseirra]

I'm honestly thankful the manga went on many breaks..,

if it weren't for it, and the chapters released weekly.. then I would not have had enough time to appreciate the potential the ship has. The flow is very fast right now, and I wouldn't have been able to think through and create as many fanarts as I do now. I had so much fun with it, and I found many things I found pretty endearing about the two, I was able to focus on what emotions they have towards each other. I may still have been able to do it, but not as much as the way I do for them now. I wouldn't have managed to think over things as much, I'd have waited out, and processed every episode in the sidelines. That could also have been fun, but I wouldn't have been able to draw as much.. I'd say like, less than 1/4th of what I put out currently.

But with it like this, I have my own full collection of works I can look back as my own food when I need them 'v')♡ I'd be happy if you could enjoy them with me. I'm very happy when I see people doing it. I have a lot of fun putting my work out here because the reactions I get make it even more fulfilling. Thank you very much!

[aestherin]

privacy

38: daylight

"— but I hurt you!"

"And I don't give a fuck." He breathes. "Heck, I would even let you do it again — infinite times more if you wish. Pain me. Hurt me. Break my heart all you want — it's all yours, love."

"But for God's sake, [Name]... please don't leave me.

"I can't do that!" You cried. "You don't deserve that."

"And did you deserve receiving unsolicited hate left and right?" One of Ayato's hands left yours and settled on your cheek. "I don't think so, love."

His affection. You missed it.

"That wasn't you though."

"But I caused it."

Your lips parted in an attempt to contradict him, though you stopped at the lack of a witty retort. The man was satisfied at you letting him own up to his fault.

He slowly ran his fingers through your hair. "You should be mad at me."

Furrowed eyebrows were what he saw in return. "Wasn't me leaving you enough? I'm starting to think you're a masochist."

He chuckled.

"Besides, I still stand by what I said." You gave him a stern look. "Why would I be mad at you when you weren't at fault? It was those people, not you, Ayato. You've been nothing but doting and understanding and loving and —"

"It all started with me," he sighed. "I asked you to get into this fake relationship with me. I'm the one who starred in a drama with some actress whose fanbase's toxic portion is very vocal and active. It was I who failed to protect you. It was I who failed you."

Just when you thought it was nearing the end, you felt like tearing up again. Just like he did to you earlier, you rested your face against his shoulder in an attempt to hide yourself.

"No you didn't. You tried."

"It wasn't good enough."

"You did well," you reached out to caress the back of his head as well.

With his snug embrace, the stillness of the wind, and the stroke of sunlight — everything felt warm.

Wait, sunlight?

You swore there was about to be a raging thunderstorm earlier.

From where you were nestling your head earlier, you looked up slightly, just enough to get a glimpse of the skies enveloping the land. From what you saw earlier, it did a total one-eighty.

The sun has now ceased hiding behind the thick clouds.

Gone was the governing gray hue. The clouds, however, lingered. Through them, radiant rays seeped through, illuminating what once was not.

Now, tints of varying colors — mainly blue, lavender, pink, and orange — were present.

"It's pretty," you mumbled.

"You are," he said.

Still with a muffled voice, you spoke, "Are you hitting on me?"

"Is it working?"

You gave him a light smack. He let out a laugh, which distracted you from the noise made by the gate opening.

"I'd hate to interrupt, but..." Both of you turned your heads toward the owner of the voice. "How long exactly am I supposed to just stand outside the gate?"

"Manager!" You screamed, pulling away from your companion. You don't see the way he frowned and pouted, the way his arms reached for you before you started going off to the other person present.

"Manager! You liar!"

"I mean, I told you you were meeting the CEO of Cypressus, didn't I?"

"Oh fuck. I forgot about that! Where is he anyway?"

Your eyes followed your manager's palm, which was now pointing towards a certain blue-haired man. "Over there."

Ayato had to try so hard to stop himself from laughing at your comical expression, lest he invoke your wrath. He'd rather not, really. And shit, you really were a good actress. 'So beautifully expressive, love!' He thought.

"Ayato?!"

"Yes, love?" He smiled sweetly.

You looked at him in disbelief before turning back to your manager. "See? As I was saying before, I told you you were meeting the Cypressus' CEO. And Ayato's the CEO of Cypressus, so, technically... I didn't lie."

You inhaled sharply. You'll deal with him later.

"You locked me in here!"

"No, I didn't. I didn't lock the gate."

You were stupefied. "What?"

"Yeah," she flashed a genuine smile. "If you actually wanted to leave, you could have just pushed the gate open and you would've been out of here in no time. I was even ready to drive you away the minute I see you walk out of here."

"I —"

"You actually wanted to stay with him, didn't you?"

Unbeknownst to you, just like you, Ayato was holding his breath. He was waiting for your answer.

"You know what, you don't even need to answer that," your manager said. You and the man exhaled.

She looked past you, to Ayato, before returning her gaze on you. "Are you feeling better? Are you feeling better with him?"

You hummed. She patted your head. "That's all I wanted to hear."

Your manager turned away, facing the gate. She gave a small wave. "You can keep her. She doesn't have a schedule until next week anyway."

"Manager!"

"But if you dare hurt her, make her feel bad again," she gave one last look, though it wasn't pointed at you. "I swear you'll never be able to get close to her again. Not even hear her voice. Not even touch a strand of her hair."

Ayato shivered. He knew he wouldn't ever dare inflict you pain again, yet he was still frightened by the threat. He wasn't afraid of your manager, no.

He dreaded not being able to be with you again.

"I keep my promises."

The other woman simply hummed and left (not before telling you that she's only one call away should you wish to leave).

"Is that promise to love me?" You went back in front of him, fighting back a smile. "That. And even more, [Name]."

Your almost-smile resulted in a frown, which worried Ayato. Did he do something wrong? Did you perhaps change your mind and wanted to leave with your manager now?

"So..." You trailed off. "CEO, huh?"

"Oh, that." He chuckled nervously. You just raised a brow at him, attempting to intimidate him even more.

Ayato sighed. But then he realized something.

You were taken aback, however, when he immediately flashed you a playful smile, his right arm hovering above his abdomen. He then made a graceful bow.

"I fear I've been less than hospitable to you, my lady, my dearest guest. Would you care to join your business partner inside as we discuss more over tea?"

You raised a brow, slightly questioning whatever this sudden skit is all about. But of course, being the performance arts-inclined person that you are, you decided to go along.

"Gladly, my lord."

You'll never know this, but you almost killed the CEO of Cypressus with mere three words. Those weren't even the three words — the one sentence that everyone thinks of when they hear the phrase — but it still almost ended him nonetheless.

He imagines his impending doom with delight once he finally gets to hear you say the proper three words. He swore he could welcome death with open arms, if that was what it takes.

Ayato wrapped his fingers around yours as he guided you inside. The familiarity of everything calmed your nerves down. The foyer where he and someother helpers welcomed you, the living room where you used to always hang out with him and Ayaka. The visible dining area where you two ate often and sometimes had hotpot nights with his sister. And after that, the clean kitchen counter where Ayato used to always stay as he watched you make something for him.

It felt like home.

"Stay here," he motioned for you to sit on the living room couch. He said he'd make you guys some tea?

He would?

Oh no.

"Wait!" Hurried yet light footsteps can be heard against the hardwood floors. With a slightly disoriented face, Ayato turned his head at your direction. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes. Something is very wrong," you tried to catch your breath. "You're absolutely not making tea. Let me do it."

You knew him well enough to know that he is just physically incapable of concocting something edible at this point. Not even tea. Not even just instant tea.

He'd always find a way to make it suspicious and off-putting.

"But —"

"I know you're very rich, but please don't intentionally destroy your kitchen, 'Yato."

The man in question simply took a deep breath and raised both his hands in the air as a sign of surrender. You then marched into their kitchen as if you own the place, with the real owner trailing behind you like an obedient puppy whose leash you were holding.

When you both walked out of the kitchen, you immediately plopped down into the fluffy couch, while Ayato carefully placed the tray of teas on the table before sitting directly in front of you.

He would've loved to sit beside you, but you sat on a one-seater sofa.

He wasn't sure if that was intentional or not.

On the brighter side, it helped set the mood even better for this 'business meeting' of yours. You as [Name], the renowned actress, and the man across you as Kamisato Ayato, CEO of the famous bubble tea brand, Cypressus.

He took a sip first. "Just so you know, I was serious about getting you as an ambassador and endorser of our company."

You imitated his actions. "Where's the contract?"

"Not yet made."

"Why?"

"I want to make it on your terms." As he let his cup down, the curling of the corners of his lips were visible. "Ask for whatever you want and it shall appear on the contract. Easy as that."

You gave him a feigned frown. "That's not very smart of you, mister."

He merely snickered.

"I am stupid when it comes to you."

Your face flushed.

'The tea. Yeah, it must be from the tea,' you lied to yourself.

"Speaking of business," Ayato attempted to shift the topic. "We have something to take care of."

"Us?" You joked.

He let out a smile. "That too, but..."

"Hm?"

"I was referring to, uh..." His voice trailed off. It seemed like it was a topic he has a hard time talking about.

'Here goes nothing,' he thought.

"Well, what do you want to do about those malicious people online, love?"

"Oh? Knowing you, I thought you'd have done something about that by now," you truthfully said.

Ayato sighed. "Believe me, love. I really wanted to, but..."

"I promised to myself that I won't do anything else without consulting you first."

You couldn't say anything. You couldn't do anything but let his eyes entrance you once more.

You could only hold your breath.

"You know very well that I had to learn the hard way, [Name]." He leaned closer to the table, and by extension, to you as well. "And I'm not willing to go through the torture of losing you again because of that very same mistake."

"I don't want to put you, my love, [Name], the one I hold dearest, through suffering once more because of my faulty decisions."

With his every word, everything came crashing down. You thought about everything all at once, it was overwhelming — the memories, the feelings. The pain and pleasure, the angst and affection.

Swamped by everything, you couldn't help but tear up once more. Looking down was your last resort, attempting to shield him from the fact that you were about to cry for the second time today.

You began to fidget. "It's all me."

"Huh? What are you saying —"

"I was the one that broke us, wasn't I?"

"No." He immediately got up and stood up next to you, who was still sitting. "Shush, love. You didn't break anything."

You felt a hand caress your back. "But I —"

"It was already broken since the beginning."

Through small gaps, you were able to see him now kneeling down in front of you. Ayato started consoling you, his fingers running through strands of your hair and his voice in soft whispers.

"My reasoning was flawed. My methods were foolish... and after I coerced you into that faux relationship, I had the guts to fail you."

His free hand caught yours, followed by him bringing it to his lips. "I didn't get to tell you, to make you feel the truth: that unlike that relationship, my feelings were real from the start."

You stiffened up. Ayato continued, "Because I was a coward. And I am stupid — as you already know."

"Still, despite my imperfections..." The hand previously busy with your hair was suddenly on your chin, his touch as light as a feather. With his help, you managed to finally look at him once more. "I want to ask you an ambitious question —"

He took a deep breath, yet the affection in his eyes remained.

"— Would you accept me? Again? For real this time, [Name]?"

privacy — ayato x reader smau

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[anabdaniels]

A taste of what you asked for

Paring: Agent Whiskey x Female reader

Summary: Jack decides to prove you that not only his mustache can have a porn vibe.

Word counting: 1.6k

Rating: +18

Warnings: Oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, love bites, creampie, rough sex (but not that rough), undertones of the author's polemic opinions toward some sex positions, Jack being a talented bastard when it comes to sex.

A/N: I'll not explain myself about this one hahaha. I saw a tweet of a girl complaining about her boyfriend shaving his mustache without warning her beforehand and my brain started to work.

Divider from: @saradika-graphics

Masterlist

Unworriedly scrolling your phone, you were lying on your back on the bed while you could hear Jack’s little noises while taking care of his beloved mustache in the en-suite bathroom. A few minutes later you heard the shower running and smiled as you smelled the scent of your shampoo that Jack swore you would never notice he casually stole.

When Jack came out of the bathroom only with the towel wrapped around his waist you didn’t waste the chance to take a look at him, analyzing every part of your handsome husband. Noticing your attention over him, Jack approached the bed with a smirk, crawling on the mattress to get close to you, planting a teasing kiss on your shoulder as he settled by your side.

You stopped for a moment, realizing that something seemed out of place, not realizing what it was immediately, but needed no more than a couple seconds to find out, sitting on the bed with an intrigued expression.

“No, you can't have done this.” You said in pure perplexity while touching the spot at Jack’s face where his sideburns were supposed to be “Daniels you haven't.”

“Why do you seem so surprised, sweetheart?” Jack laughed pulling you to lay on top of him “I told you I was considering doing it a few days ago, remember?”

“I thought you were just bluffing about shaving your sideburns, I didn't believe you would betray me like that.” You explained while still running your fingers on the sides of his face.

“Betray you?” Jack raised an eyebrow with a curious grin while caressing the sides of your body.

“How should I feel with you casually showing up with your sideburns shaved without giving me a single warning before?” you raised both of your eyebrows as you got comfortable on top of him “If you ever dare to touch this mustache, you'll be a divorced man.”

“Y’know I would never damage my mustache, sugar. But now you tempted me just for the sake of seeing you this mad about it.” He retorted in his cocky manner, making you roll your eyes.

“You really can’t spend a day without being bitchy, hum?” you said softly slapping his bicep.

“Jesus Christ, you’re the first woman that gets pissed because your husband cares about looking good.” Jack pinched your cheek teasingly, with that damn seductive smirk on his lips.

“I never said that.” You contradicted promptly, lifting your head from his chest to look at his face “What got me was the surprise element.”

“So you’re not that unhappy at all.” He concluded while grabbing your chin between his thumb and index finger.

“Of course not, I mean, I had nothing against your 70s porn sideburns and mustache combo, but I ain’t finding any problem with the new look.” You squinted at the moment he burst into a laugh.

“70s porn, honey? Really?” he questioned raising one eyebrow, still smirking.

“I haven’t created the concept.” You shrugged, biting your bottom lip as he rolled on the bed, letting you underneath him.

“But something tells me you enjoy the whole thing.”

“I do actually.” You confirmed while your idle hands moved to unwrap the towel off his waist, smiling satisfied as you saw his cock proudly erect.

“Then I may give you a bit of help to keep your little fantasies fed.” Jack spoke as his hands moved under your dress, lifting it and getting you rid of it with no ceremony. You intended to ask what he was planning, but he gave you no time as he flipped you on the bed and started to trail kisses down your spine, making you shiver all over.

As he did with your dress, Jack got rid of your panties, smiling at the sight of you so beautifully relaxed on the bed. Not wanting to waste such an opportunity, he squeezed your thighs and kissed your lower back, moving down to kiss your rear, only moving forward after biting one of your buttcheeks. Carefully, Jack grabbed your hips, lifting them until your knees were resting on the mattress; he wasn’t a jerk, Jack perfectly remembered how you warned him that having you on all fours was completely out of the question, unless it was for a bit of harmless foreplay, so you knew exactly how that was going to end even before you felt another soft bite on your butt.

Wanting to appreciate that great view of you spread open right in front of him, Jack took his time, kissing all over your thighs, hips, and ass before starting to approach your already wet core. He savored and covered with kisses every inch of skin from your outer lips, then to the inner lips, causing you to whine and smash the nearest pillow you could reach when his low groan reverberated against your pussy as his tongue buried on your entrance. You didn’t even try to keep rested on your elbows, letting your face and chest sink into the bed as you unconsciously pranced up your rear against his face, contorting and whimpering more at every move of his tongue.

Giving you no chance to foresee it, Jack moved ahead, sucking your swollen clit as his hands gently massaged your ass, getting you completely out of your mind as you sighed, moaned, and bit the pillow you were squeezing, feeling your heart beating on your throat and your breath messed while you concentrated on enjoy the marvelous work of his mouth on your clit accompanied by the sporadic little nudges of his nose on your entrance. You did the best you could to keep yourself together for a little longer, but Jack knew way too well what he was doing to give you a chance to keep your composure, so you followed your body’s urges, moving your hips along with his tongue, arching your back and crying out when you finally got your release, feeling your strength vanishing and your hips falling back on the bed as the effects of your orgasm spread all over your body.

You were more than ready to just lay down completely boneless for a few minutes, but of course, that wouldn’t going to happen yet, after all, Jack Daniels wasn’t a man of left a task unfinished or play at work, if you thought that his mustache alone passed a 70s porn vibe, then he would provide you with a performance that matched your opinions.

After gently apart your legs, Jack placed himself between them, resting his elbows on the bed while kissing your shoulder and the curve of your neck. When you were recomposed enough to turn your head and look at him, no second thoughts were necessary for him to go on and kiss you hungrily, moving his tongue into your mouth as his torso was softly pressed against your back. You choked on your breath as he smoothly moved inside you, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix softly and it kept like that even with his thrusts not being precisely gentle; of course, Jack was more than aware that too much energy on his move could end up with your cervix being hit in a not so pleasant way, but he also knew very well how to manage his pace to not cause you any discomfort, even while railing you so energetically like that.

As your head leaned back for you to catch your breath, Jack couldn’t help but grin at the beautiful sight of you taken by the pleasure he was providing you with, feeling his urge for every inch of your body growing wilder. He passed one arm around the upper part of your torso, keeping your shoulders pressed against his chest while he covered you with kisses and praises, wondering how he could be so lucky to have you to call his, to love dearly every day and fuck well every night.

Even feeling like your body was out of control, you managed to move one hand back, resting it on Jack’s nape and grabbing his hair tight. He sighed heavily and rested his head against yours, only then giving you the chance to realize how good it felt to rub your face against his without a sideburn scratching your cheek. Your free hand rested on Jack's forearm that was holding you close, your nails digging into his skin as your cunt became more sensitive to his steady rough pace, making you pulse involuntarily around his already throbbing cock. As it became more common with the passing time you were married and knew better how each other’s bodies worked, you and Jack fell apart together, remaining at the mess of tangled limbs you two had become while both of you enjoyed your orgasms.

At the very moment Jack moved to lay on his back on the bed, he pulled you to rest on his chest, caressing your back and kissing the top of your head. You made sure to snuggle yourself comfortably, letting one leg on top of him. He smiled at the very moment he saw the slight mark of his teeth on your butt and caressed the spot gently, making you moan quietly and move one hand to his face, letting your fingers move along, taking a little long on the region his sideburns used to be.

“You’ll really not forgive me for that?” he questioned playfully, looking at you.

“On the contrary, I was actually planning to tell you to keep like this. I can live happily having only your mustache.” You admitted looking at him with a smile, chuckling when he shook his head.

“You’ll be the death of me someday, sugarcube.” Jack rested one hand on your cheek, leaning to give you a gentle peck on the lips before nestling you even more between his arms.

@missladym1981

[boxheadpaint]

juice induced hill depression. Back on meds again and hopefully going to get in touch with a new psych who can prescribe me something else. Have been very tired and unjoyful the past week but better now and playing modded Skyrim, initially just to make my oc in it but then just kept slamming more thangs in there. Mod that puts bunny rabbits everywhere. Also is there a mod that adds cute animal ears/suits as wearables or one that even makes the girl armor less sucks. Like im either fully leaning into the immersion breaking for self indulgence sake or im getting rid of the annoying shit.

visiting mom in Vegas earlier this month was nice except for the part where I hate Vegas. I know im not great with travel and settling into places can be a tough one for my brain but also my god it’s just evil there. Brilliantly so but still evil. I would have loved to enjoy the scenery surrounding the place more as deserts are just very beautiful and fascinating places but at no point during the day was the temperature less than a full hundred degrees Fahrenheit. It barely dropped during the night either. Between that and varying physical ailments (Oof Ouch My Digestive Sensitivities Lol) (Oof Ouch My Tendons Lol) (Oof Ouch The Agony Caused By Using Stairs Lol) it was the perfect conditions to be a miserable pile when I wanted to be with my family. As sad I was to part ways again I was not sorry to leave that place. Gained a new appreciation for changing up what I eat randomly to keep my body on its toes. At one point mom brought us to a pub and her husband asked for Diet Pepsi while I asked for regular Pepsi. Visually there’s no difference so we got handed the others pepsi and swapped. And then later after he refilled his Diet Pepsi another waiter came up and wordlessly refilled mine as well. With Diet Pepsi. Wasn’t even asked. Fucking stunned. Also went to a near dead mall that was nice anyway

stuck on brain zaps as a symptom of Specifically antidepressants withdrawal. There’s some things describing them as “mini seizures” in function. To me it’s like the body noticing the usual isn’t happening for some reason so it tries to jumpstart the brain into working good like before. universities I can go to with my theories. Back in and at it this week, hopefully to remain consistent for longer than before which will also likely help with the depression and anxiety. More people should just put stuff in their blood if they can

it can be embarrassing to express your misery more clearly to someone, specifying the fact fact thoughts running through your head. But then again it’s only embarrassing because your mind convinced you so, and will convince you that holding it in is also cruel and selfish. Finding it funny that animals probably don’t have as complex spirals and bouts of depression because they dont have a language to articulate to themselves in their own heads that something is awful in a very specific and contradicting way. Or actually no because there is still pattern recognition but that’s more a paranoia learned thing. Is there an animal that can randomly, for seemingly no reason evident to anyone including itself, experience crushing dread and self doubt. Is there an animal that feels shame besides man

had a tilt table test that was embarrassing too but for much more clear concrete reasons. Somehow didn’t know about that second part, and did complain through most of the first part because Oof Ouch Everything Hurts Lol. REALLY did not know the iv thing and had to once again sadly state that no, It has to go in the hand . I will say the experience was funny in the second part from the other ways because my first reaction was literally just “Uh Oh.” The moment I realized it was going to get worse. all I know is my blood pressure stayed consistent throughout, I don’t know what else im gonna hear about it. Hopefully something helpful.

is setting up an ABLE account difficult? Can anybody do it? It’s an issue dealt with by a lot of people but I should at least try to find a way to save money from benefits for the future or in case some stupid medical shit happens that the health won’t cover. I just looked up and saw Vinny sleeping while propping lubics head up with his foot. Hoping I can enjoy things normally again shortly,

8/26/2024, Still better than july

[dream-in-fall]

The theory of Gabriel's obsession.

In the S1, Gabriel is an unpleasant character - he is arrogant and sometimes really cruel. He has no empathy for people and his subordinates. When Gabriel loses his memory in the S2, he becomes completely different. Yes, he behaves like a child, but he is a kind child whose first motives are honesty and a desire to help people. When Aziraphale says that Gabriel was a terrible person, Gabriel asks him - And now? I assume that along with his memories, Gabriel extracted something else that controlled his behavior and influenced his personality. That's what I'm basing my guess on:

There are three scenes when Gabriel remembers something. I should immediately note that there are two types of these memories.

1.The first two memories do not belong to Gabriel, he was not present at these events. One memory from the past (for some reason it seems to me that it is addressed to Aziraphale), and the second memory from the future (for Crowley). When Gabriel speaks, his eyes change color, his consciousness turns off, he experiences physical pain and discomfort.

2.His own memories of events from the present. His eyes don't change color. It is obvious that Gabriel has kept pieces of his memory, his mind and the temperament of a gentle and sympathetic character.

Now learn more about the first and third memories.

1.Crowley asks - What is the very first thing you remember? Gabriel speaks the words of God that he spoke to Job. These lines were about the creation of the Earth. This cannot be Gabriel's first memory, but more on that later.

2.The most important thing is the third memory. Here is the scene and dialogue between Crowley and Gabriel. Crowley accuses Gabriel of involvement in Aziraphale's execution and cruel words. Gabriel replies that it couldn't have been him. After Gabriel's attempt to jump out of the window, Crowley says:

-"Well, if you're really not him, what are you?" (that is, Crowley is ready to believe that this is not the Gabriel he knew.)

-"I don't know, I feel… like, an empty house. A house someone lived for a very long time, but now they're gone (not "he" not "it", not "has gone" - "They") and the house can sort of tell where the things used to be. Like when I remembered how it all begin."

The "house" is Gabriel's brain. Some "they" lived in it. They left traces of memory there, so Gabriel was able to remember how it all begin. So "It" began for Gabriel right then, at the moment of God's conversation with Job. When the events with Job took place, God and Satan had an bet (and obviously had a personal conversation.)

Red rays descend on Job. Do you expect white or gold rays from God

I assume that at this moment something was implanted into Gabriel's personality, and his eyes turned violet. Gabriel is literally the only character with such eyes. Was it a joint work of God and Satan? The violet miracle is a powerful miracle that occurs when combining the miracles of the red and blue spectrum. (a violet pillar appeared above the bookshop after the joint miracle of azicro.) "This" suppressed Gabriel's personality, but when he fell in love, his personality became more mature and came into conflict with "this". Then Metatron was sent to depose Gabriel and take away "it" from him under the guise of taking away memory.

It follows from all this, if Aziraphale is hired to replace Gabriel, then he will receive this control and obsession. Maybe that's what happens to him in the elevator.

For the sake of objectivity, I will note. This theory is contradicted by the fact that Gabriel's eyes remained violet after gaining memory. Aziraphale's eyes did not turn violet. Although in that case, the solution would be too obvious.

[darkpoisonouslove]

17 and 18 :)

Thanks! :)

17. talk about your writing and editing process

Well, the process is pretty straightforward, actually. I get an idea, usually accompanied with at least a couple dialogue exchanges. I write down everything that I have, which is now the skeleton of my outline. I look at it and try to identify what's missing from it and how much I need to make the story functional aka to have it accomplish what I want from it. Often that means that I realize that I don't know what I want from it so then I have to think about that. This is usually the part where I file ideas away for later and they are added to my ideas doc.

If I do figure out what I want from it, I keep adding to the outline until I'm sure I have everything that I need - that means all scenes in order, complete with actions and dialogue. I may not know a couple details here and there but I try to at least have a direction such as what kind of emotion I want to express in the gap or what concept has to be introduced in order to make the whole thing comprehensible. Then I start writing, which is usually the hardest part. I have been known to spend more than half an hour actively working on a single sentence so... I take my time with the first draft (technically the outline is kind of the first draft). I prefer to edit less later than write quicker and then have to edit more.

I've found that when I get stuck, it's because I don't really know what I want to say. Despite all the outlining and thinking and considering, I often end up realizing that I don't know what I'm trying to say. Once I figure that out, it becomes a matter of how to say it so that it's not just telling stuff that I should be showing. It takes a while but eventually I get what I want. Sometimes I give up and just tell it and decide I'll come back to it later.

For editing I usually go over the text and rework every sentence that is convoluted or doesn't sound right or repeats a sentence structure I've already used 3 times in the last 5 sentences. Generally speaking, I don't have to do structural edits or rewrite entire scenes because I've already done the heavy lifting during the outline stage so most things are in their right places. I have had to move paragraphs and sentences and words around like I'm putting Frankenstein's monster together from various body parts but that's usually the case when I'm possessed by an idea and don't spend enough time outlining and structuring it or I've missed the step of asking myself what I'm trying to say. Otherwise, most of my editing is on a sentence level and then I do another read to watch out for typos and whether or not I need to switch some pronouns to names.

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I don't usually keep them but I do have a couple paragraphs from Fallen Love that I discarded as they directly contradicted a much more important idea so I'm pretty sure I'm not going to use them (for this story at least) and can post them:

With the proximity between them restored, she’d found him eyeing her neck, his thoughts palpable, spilling into the heated air to make it brand the lines into her flesh. There was mad obsession in his pupils that didn’t care if it would turn her into a monster, only that she’d be his again. With his mark on her neck, she would have been a useful asset again and perfectly incapable of another betrayal – enough to keep her alive despite the Ancestral Witches’ unforgiving nature.

He’d been the unforgiving one instead. Every time he’d dismissed the thought as if it hadn’t been the appropriate response to her treachery. He’d refused himself–and her–the brutality he’d craved for the sake of appearances.

She’d forced gratefulness out of herself – that he’d never tried, had granted her the grace of not finding out how much lower she was ready to stoop just for another stolen moment with him.

send me fic writer asks

[silvyysthings]

I’m an active part of this fandom, but will write you as anon.

I was also sexually abused as a child when I was a few years younger than Armie, by a close relative. The human psyche is a great miracle, because apparently I had subconsciously repressed all of this, and the memories themselves suddenly surfaced years later and shook me to my core. Shook me not by the act itself, because deep down I've always known it, but by my ability to bury it so deep in the dark that it had allowed me to live anything normally and even to contact completely normally and without any feelings with the person in question (thank God not very often). Perhaps this is my way of reacting to extremely shocking events for me, because years later, when a person extremely dear to me died in my arms, almost the same thing happened.

“Remembering” and fully aware of what happened allowed me to understand my behavior in various situations in my childhood and teenage years, and later my sexual preferences and restraints. I am really saying this from personal experience - such an experience, especially in childhood, changes a person completely and irreversibly, irreparably. And unfortunately nothing, no one, no therapy can repair the damage.

To tell about it takes enormous strength and courage and overcoming great pain and shame. Even more to admit it to the whole world like Armie did. No one close to me knows about my abuse and probably never will - parents, my husband, friends or anyone. The abuser has been dead for several years.

That's why my heart bleeds for Armie 💔 I completely understand what this recognition is costing him. I also understand all the mess in his life - mine is also a mixture of contradictions: depressions, completely happy periods, despairs and struggles with myself, constantly hurting the people I love.

Some might say - he should get his shit together for the sake of his children. I also have two wonderful children and believe me, that's not how things work. Children cannot repair and undo the damage that has been done. These are things on two completely different emotional levels that have no common ground and could not work against or for each other.

I pray and sincerely hope that Armie finds peace with himself, as much as possible, and truly moves on with his life fully and happily. 🙏 ❤️

oh anon my heart is broken for what you went through. I am completely convinced, even though I have never experienced it, that the brain tries to remove this trauma and that it takes terrible courage to admit and tell all this, as Armie did and as you are doing. I hope you and Armie can find some serenity in telling this even if nothing and no one can ever fill and soothe the pain of what you have been through. Thank you for choosing to tell this, I dare not imagine what you had to go through, I send you a hug and lots of love ❤❤

[theangryjikooker]

TAJ 🔍 RUN BTS! • #11-13

Disclaimer Please note that this is for entertainment purposes only. What I comment on is purely observational, and there is no way for anyone to know the true nature of these dynamics and what motivates them without actually being a presence in their lives or a direct confidant(e). Any statement made that inadvertently comes across as "factual" should be understood as an implication within the boundaries of my perspective.

Introduction The first time I thought about doing this, my goal was to focus on the interactions and development of Jungkook and Jimin. This "miniseries," if you will, went through several iterations as I was watching Run BTS, and I decided to be a bit more inclusive about how the group behaves/interacts with one another with an emphasis on Jungkook and Jimin, when applicable. I believe doing it this way provides a better context and contrast.

Also, my observations won't really take their other content into account that was happening around the same time. I might say something that contradicts a Bangtan Bomb that was released roughly around the same time, for instance, so just be advised. Anyone is more than welcome to chime in with interesting tidbits from other content (if it's relevant).

If the episodes are short enough, or I don't feel like there's much going on, I'm going to fit several in a post.

Episode 11

How many times can I praise Yoongi and how delightfully animated he is? A lot, evidently, and I should start a drinking game every time I mention it. I'm kidding—but it speaks to how pervasive the narrative of Yoongi's alleged persona had been until just recently, and how egregiously incorrect it had been. If only those same people had taken the time to appreciate the shows that highlighted their real personalities and dynamics, but this is arguably one of the least problematic and irritating narratives pushed by the fandom as a whole.

We're also barely into the series, and it becomes clear how impressive it is that they've carried this show on their own compared to their traditional TV counterparts, where having an ever-revolving cast tends to be essential in maintaining a steady or increasing public interest (with some exceptions). We see it in later episodes where guests serve as guides or assistants, but they're notably never brought in as part of the main cast. Furthermore, traditional variety shows often capitalizes on caricatures of a persona, so it wasn't unusual to find out that an individual was nothing like they portrayed themselves for entertainment. Putting this into perspective, it highlights the group's natural charisma and how well they bounce off each other.

Side note: Perhaps one of my more dividing observations, but having seen content with BTS as individuals, I personally see them as a rare example of groups that work the best together than they do apart. This isn't in regards to their musical endeavors—in which they present very different strengths and stylistic preferences—but rather their public appearances on entertainment broadcasts.

The irony of Hoseok playing an emo kid (into literature) is that while he didn't capture the essence of one in this episode, he is and can be that quintessential “emo kid” (hello, Jack in the Box?). Though honestly, the emo kid 10+ years ago evokes a very different image than what we associate it with in today's culture. I feel like Hoseok ends up portraying a stereotype of a drama kid more than an emo kid, but that's just me.

It’s generally funny and interesting to me how the roles they each received (or for most of them) seem more like a parody of how some fans viewed them at the time.

Also, can we appreciate how unflinching the members are when Yoongi is revealed in his costume? From what I've seen in other variety-like shows, when a male cast member is forced into female clothing/appearance, it's done for the sake of humor and people react accordingly (there are also other questionable layers to this, but that is an entirely different topic). I suppose we could attribute the non-reactions to the scenario they're playing out and how seriously they're trying to assume their respective roles, but I feel as though most people in variety would've already broke character.

I think it's more a testament to their comfort in their masculinity, and how they don't necessarily view it like, “Haha! He's dressed like a girl!” but more like, “Well, this is what they gave us so it is what it is.” (Granted, I haven't watched the Behind-the-Scenes, but even if the members got it out of their systems prior to filming, most people in their situation would've still broke character. It's one of those things that can come off as too absurd not to laugh at, especially if there's an underlying discomfort that exists. This is more obvious in a lot of older variety shows in the 90s and aughts.)

Namjoon's portrayal of a "nice but slow-witted" kid is making me cry-laugh because he's obviously trying to play the role to the best of his ability, but it's really not landing.

I know Taehyung is, first and foremost, a member of BTS. But he is a true actor. I will be very surprised if he doesn't end up in a movie (main or supporting) at some point in his career.

Jungkook is really hard to watch because that's not him at all, and it's not helping that Namjoon is losing it in the back.

I hate that I was eating while watching this because Taehyung's interruption of Hoseok's courting by sneezing had me choking. His sneeze is the sneeze that can be heard 'round the world.

Yoonmin's Tom & Jerry never fails to entertain. I think what's really funny about their dynamic is that they're obviously supportive towards one another in real life when it counts, but they've developed this habit of hiding that aspect of their relationship a lot of the time and giving their friendly antagonism center stage anytime the opportunity arises, even if it's not what the situation is calling for.

Episode 12

Jimin returning $0.50 to the police station, and Yoongi reporting a scam. The dichotomy. And I love how Namjoon very candidly roasts Hoseok and Jimin. 

Yoongi playing minesweeper. 😂 This portrayal reminds me of my dad, who was a BL litigator. He's a stereotype of anyone who works in law—very stern, no-nonsense, very busy, could whittle you down to bones if you tried to argue with him if you were clearly wrong—and one of the ways he coped with the work and hours without resorting to alcohol or cocaine (which are common vices in that industry) was playing minesweeper. I see minesweeper, I think of my dad; it's unavoidable.

This scene is weird to me in a laughable way because it was so unnecessary. I'm willing to bet that if anyone else was playing Jungkook's cop to Jimin's criminal, throwing him over their shoulder and slapping his ass as punishment for trying to escape wouldn't have crossed their minds. From where I'm standing, this kind of interaction between them suggests this kind of play isn’t entirely unfamiliar (which is not to be mistaken for anything sexually suggestive).

(Of course we see Taehyung do this with Jimin later in 2020, but contextually we could see they were literally in the middle of fooling around. I don't know who I'm envious of more in this situation, honestly.)

I'm just going to say it: I'm surprised when seeing some Jkkrs post this scene unironically as some indication of feelings. It's so obviously played up. This scene isn't even worth mentioning at all, and the only reason I'm pointing it out is because so many others have for a reason I can't fathom. This isn't directed at others who are aware of the context, but I have seen some who've taken it seriously. I think there are other Jikook moments within the show that would warrant a "Hm, interesting," but this is hardly one of them.

Jimin trying to get a reduced sentence from Yoongi and Jungkook was a lost cause from the beginning, I don't know why he bothered trying. These two, along with Jin, are near unsusceptible to his wiles; he would've had a better chance with Taehyung, Namjoon, and Hoseok, in my opinion.

I also find this scene a bit weird, even if it's all in jest. What I'm about to say isn't meant to reduce Jimin to this singular facet, but he's displaying a submissiveness that you wouldn't normally see from someone who's older in a given dynamic, even if it's playful. Even Yoongi, who lets all sorts of things happen to him, doesn't show unease or tentativeness that Jimin sometimes does when he doesn't need to feel that way, especially in a state of play. I would generally associate this behavior with the explanation that it's just who he is, but I don't recall seeing this kind of guilty deference he exhibits with any of the other members.

I wish I could make gifs because the part where Jimin squeezes past the prison bars, leaving Jungkook behind, is easily the funniest part of the episode.

I love watching Jin in this episode because you can absolutely tell how he's influenced Jungkook, especially when Jungkook acts out. It brings to mind that live (?) where Jungkook blames Jin as an explanation for his greasiness, and Jimin scolds him: "I told you not to learn those things.” If I had the time and energy, it'd be interesting to see the many ways Bangtan have influenced each other and what parts of their personality is their own and what they've adopted from constant proximity. 

RM: (to Jimin) How wide are your shoulders? SJ: 23 cm. JM: (slaps)

Jin is so funny, and this is arguably the most entertaining episode thus far into the series.

The outro with the maknae line is also very silly:

JM: Then why did we have a dance battle? TH: You were supposed to go to the cell, but I wanted to watch you dance.

Episode 13

Ah, I remember this episode, and it's equally entertaining. From recollection, this was when the series (for me) got into a well-oiled groove. Superficially, it seems like the production and ideas from the staff have improved from previous episodes.

I'm not sure why their youth is more apparent to me in this episode, but I'm feeling my age watching this. I'm curious to see how Run BTS will look like for them once they're all out of the military.

Considering how graceful Jimin is on stage when he dances, you would assume he has strict control over his body, but it makes it that much funnier when he plays these games like a newborn giraffe. Rolling around in a controlled tube over water is obviously different from a stage, but core control is a thing of his which he has in abundance. He’s adorable.

The birth of wet hair Jimin? We all approve.

Why are the lead and main dancers so bad at these balancing game? 😂 They're very cute and precious to me.

Interesting scene here where Jungkook is caught unawares by Namjoon's exaggerated charm, and yet it rarely receives the kind of acknowledgement that the same gesture receives in the previous episode when Jungkook is "affected" by Jimin's own charms. Jungkook is very obviously dramatizing the experience for the audience's benefit in both episodes. There are some genuine interactions between Jikook in the series that's actually worth mentioning, but parsing context is something I find that shippers often have trouble with, which is also compounded by tunnel vision towards their ship.

The maknae line is so cute in this episode. I think I was in the middle of a conversation with another user before I left about this, and how bittersweet their dynamics have gotten as they’ve grown older. I talked about this sometime before, but while I don't think there's anything wrong with the relationships they have with one another, the relationships they cultivated when they were isolated from the outside world has since adjusted quite a lot in their second chapter. And when I say “bittersweet,” it’s not intended to be pessimistic; instead, it’s a reflection of how they’re growing up and how different they are. That’s adulthood for you.

Spoiler alert! But I imagine most of you have already watched this, and even if you didn't, you shouldn’t be reading this.

Jin's the spy. Knowing this, it's fascinating watching him in action and how he's not only able to deflect, but also manipulates the other members' weaknesses to his benefit. He also knows when to pick up the pace, as it were, to counterbalance any suspicions his members may have by actually trying. This is one of many episodes where Jin consistently proves that he’s not only a terrific liar, but that he’s also a gamer, through and through.

––

Final thoughts adjacently related to the show: I submitted an idea for a retreat to an EA in my company for a water park with an obstacle course in Thailand. I’m crossing my fingers that it’s strongly taken into consideration because I can't imagine having more fun than this. If I choose to stay with this company for the long haul, you can bet I'll be pulling ideas from the show because if I can't have fun with BTS, I will have my fun because of them.

Previous • Next

[navalha-kw]

I'm sorry the doctor had no answers for you. Sounds very disheartening and frustrating. I'm hoping the radiologist will take more time with you and I hope you speak up for yourself. The doctor, the radiologist, they work for you so you make them work. Ask them questions, tell them ALL your concerns no matter how small. Some times these "professionals" need to be reminded on how to do their jobs. You aren't a number, you're a human being with legitimate concerns. I hope you have your answers soon. Take care!

Thanks :")) I mean, I don't know if you know how the health system works in Poland, it's... not great, to say the least. You either wait a few months for a visit or you pay 10x the minimal hour wage to see a doctor for 10-15 minutes, and either way you sill have to hope they won't be rude...

So it's kinda like, yeah, I paid him, but he's so important and has so many titles he most likely doesn't give a shit about my fucked up arm. Really, he has 20 different patients in a few hours period and makes more money a normal person would in a month. I'm worth nothing. They know you need them, they know you're desperate and scared, but they've seen it for so many years now I feel like it doesn't matter to them, you're just a number at this point...

That being said, he wasn't rude at least, and that's a lot considering he saw me for the nth time and that he knows very well that I'm trans. (It was such a fucking interesting information that probably everyone working for him at the hospital knew it and some felt entitled enough to ask me questions about my genitals <3) It sounds horrible, but I'm genuinely glad he doesn't make it any more uncomfortable for me than it is. He did take his time, but he saw with his own eyes that it feels like a tendon, acts like a tendon, hurts like a fucking tendon would and I KNOW it shouldn't be possible, but fuck, man, that's another thing that shouldn't be possible with me. I'm pretty sure he really did see it for the first time in his life. But still, it's so wild that he made mental gymnastics to somehow prove to probably only himself that that is a nerve only to contradict himself moments later. Man, you literally made me nearly fucking scream from pain when you found it above the bone. That things laying behind it. They can't be in both fucking places at the same time. If it turns out to be The Tendon, where's my fucking PhD, he doesn't fucking deserve his. The fucking audacity to tell me 7 WEEKS POST OP how I should have done the rehabilitation. I SAW YOU 3 TIMES POST SURGERY AND YOU GAVE ME DIFFRRENT INFORMATION AND LIKE 10X LESS AND I ASKED YOU SPECIFICALLY. FOR FUCKS SAKE.

I heard the radiologist is not a nice person to be around but they also say if someone can find something on the ultrasound, it's her. Guess I gotta bite my tongue and pray she does indeed... I'd love to trust the surgeon that it's impossible, that it must be something like a but of the nerve slipping or the scar tissue, but I can't. I just don't trust anyone anyone. They've all proven themselves just plain bad at their job the moment someone doesn't have the most common diagnosis.

Its also not like I didn't speak up for myself I think. I'm furious, I wanted to fucking punch him in the face, but I really tried to remain you know. Professional. With my words also. It's just that he simply has no fucking clue, knows as much or actually less than I do because I bothered to open up research papers. I can only hope he'll read on the topic before Monday, but I doubt it, really.

[yuseirra]

**onk spoilers** wow I'm so sorry, I have to let my thoughts out, I can't shut up about this, I really can't contain my feelings about what I saw??? Hm?? there is something that really gets on my nerves now that I think of it.

There's something that really bugs me from what I saw, how can they make Ryosuke and Nino look like a victim? That's so wrong though?? I wonder about the rest, the rest may or may not could... look okay depending on how it's handled later (the fact that this chapter makes it look like Kamiki's somehow triggered them to kill Ai and Gorou's really problematic and it does irk me out too) but-

This is what makes me even more frustrated than the possibility of having a pair I love dearly being contradicted. If the story is good then okay?? (although I feel that ship is so important in terms of the plot itself? It's a pretty central one) THAT also has its own problems because I'd feel so sorry for Ai (I'm in this ship because he's the man she loved, that's the most important part of it, and I was convinced after my analysis that he isn't capable of having tried to hurt her in the first place)

But even more than that, how can their actions ever be justified?? Perhaps Kamiki's some god that makes people kill each other with some psychic powers? But why write the story like that? and why.. for what reason would he want to hurt Ai? If that's what he's wanted to do, then what is he working for now?? What are his motives? Killing everyone with the white star eyes? What was his past? Why did he have the white star eyes himself when he was young and when he's met ruby?

This HAS to be an act in my opinion for it to be considered as decent storywriting. The chapter itself is interesting as a standalone, but I really, really don't want to see what Ryosuke's done as something that was inevitable or under some divine influence that he had no control over because these things CAN happen in real life and blaming it on some psychopath that's somehow coerced you into it??? feels so wrong. He should not have done what he's done regardless of what the heck Kamiki's said. and it seems like he's only shown him a toothbrush Ai's left behind so what the heck?? Then that means Kamiki DOES have some superpowers that can make SHARING A TOOTHBRUSH a good reason to go stab an idol if you'd want to blame him about Ryosuke stabbing Ai. Because someone with a sane mind wouldn't do that. You'd have to be already really insane in the first place to try and go after an idol for having a boyfriend and had matching toothbrushes. HOW CAN SHOWING A TOOTHBRUSH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, BE A GOOD REASON FOR KILLING SOMEONE?? I guess that wouldn't be all, but isn't it ALREADY crazy of someone to kill an idol for having a boyfriend and kids?? The sensible response upon it would be like Gorou's. He took it pretty well??

And Nino??? Didn't she get a phone call from Kamiki saying they should turn themselves in? Isn't that what's made her act out? That's really different from being manipulated into stab someone, isn't it?

How is that supposed to work?

How can the writers portray them out of all people as the good guys? That part needs to be expanded upon or contradicted later. I'd be pretty angry if things really are how it's shown in 160. It's not a good story, while it may seem pretty entertaining taken at face value because it's SO WRONG.

That's why I think this chapter needs to be a lie.

I have my reasons to think 152~154 are the genuine ones, I may write those out when the chapter gets released or maybe not..while 160 would be the lie, but.. this is really unforgivable if the story is left at this. So I hope not.

Yeah, I'm crossing my fingers for this chapter to be the lie because.. it's just wrong. It makes the whole story look bad and the subject this manga is handling shouldn't be handled this way. This HAS to be a lie, or I'll regret having read this piece. It's disappointing to me for that reason, now that I think over it. And I'm sure.. the author would know what they're doing. You can't blame things like this on some single insane individual or a corrupted god, whatever. Those two guys brought things upon themselves and THEY have to take responsibility for the ugly things they've did.

I'll just bring back what I've written for my review of 159:

Aqua’s “revenge” has to be fulfilled through a movie because Ai’s situation was caused by the public’s perception of her.

If people had accepted the real Ai as a person, twisted individuals like Ryosuke wouldn’t have appeared, and Ai wouldn’t have had to lie to the person she so dearly wanted to love. If… If only Ai had survived, I think Kamiki could have reunited with her after the movie was released. Because people would have understood and accepted their circumstances. Ai would never have had to die because she had children - for being imperfect and human, as she is.

This is not a story about a psychopathic murderer getting back at his ex-girlfriend or just one crazy fan attacking their idol, it's tackling a much bigger theme than that.

So no, this isn't going to be about Kamiki being the crazy mastermind, quite the contrary. He's the one who's lost his beloved due to a societal belief that idols have to be perfect and flawless. He's the one who desperately wants to get her back after having lost her.

When I think about it, it’s really heartbreaking. Ai and Kamiki could have been happy, for sure. They really could have had it weren't it for this, I feel.

The public isn’t always so cold, so I think Ai might have wanted to take that risk…

I think a message like this would better suit the series, and I want this to be a meaningful story.

So, till next chapter drops!

[nothalfgood]

Absurdism is the philosophical school of thought that saw the idea of an unanswerable question and its first thought was to chug a 40 and scream “i couldn’t care less bitch!”

Basically, the idea of absurdism is derived from Nietzsche who thought of Nihilism, where the whole approach was “man this shit sucks, life has no meaning or purpose, i’m gonna die” and I think we can all agree apathy and self destructive tendencies are probably a bad thing y’know just maybe.

But anyway some other white guy way later was like “hey what if we just got really existential for a minute and pondered how, while there may be no eternal meaning to existence, we can still exist as humans and just kinda ask more questions and be all profound” and so existentialism was born and nothing productive came from it.

But then, this hot new guy on the block who I forgot the name of came up with ABSURDISM, a fancy new way of thinking that revels in the unknown and the unknowable. You see, an absurdity, as defined by absurdists, the experts on the matter, is an idea or concept that cannot be properly answered or defined either at all or without great contradiction and confusion. Now, what all that means is that absurdists don’t really care what the meaning of life is, ‘cause they already have their own. They see the fact that they’re alive and think “holy shit i’m alive that’s awesome how the fuck does that work what are bones man this is cool” and to be honest I agree with them. The idea that you need to find a purpose or an answer to everything is futile, and while it may be fun to try, and you can find some cool answers along the way, it should never be done to the point that you are suffering as a consequence.

Who cares what the meaning of life is, who cares what others think of you, and it certainly doesn’t matter one way or the other how they see you. You decide who you are, you decide what life means, you are in control. You’re alive for the gods’ sake, and while we have no fucking idea how any of that funky shit works inside of you, it’s still really goddamn cool!! So seriously, give absurdism a try, and revel in the unknown, and maybe just make up some answers along the way

:3

TW: mild depersonalisation, existential questions

The thing is, what if I don’t understand who or what I am? What if I’m not anything at all? I am a bitch, and a martyr, and a lover, and a warrior, and a poet, and just some piece of ass walking down the street, depending on who you ask. I have been perceived as wearing so many faces, most of them so distant and alien from my own that they become someone else entirely. I am a bundle of perceptions from others, but who am I when the audience stops looking entirely?

My potential employers want to see me as one thing, and my family as another, and my friends as some secret third thing. I am in fact simultaneously all of those things and none of them at all.

I’m starting to really understand what Will Wood meant when he made various commentaries on personal identity. Maybe I am the problem in some ways because I do expressly label myself in such minute detail, because I become the character expected of me depending upon circumstances. Maybe what I feel and what I do aren’t even really me, but if not then what is? And who else could I be? And what of it in the end?

[inbarfink]

OOC Discourse is always a complicated topic, cause on one hand it IS reductive to go like... there ARE instances where the fans have a better grasp on a character than the actual canon writers do. Especially when you consider bigger creative projects with multiple writers, and especially especially the long-running ones where the original creators are basically uninvolved and everything ‘canon’ that’s being made right now is basically copyrighter-holders-approved-fanfiction. And even in the smaller-scale projects, sometimes the creator writes in something kinda OOC for the sake of pacing or plot or a stupid joke, or maybe they’re just not very good at it and they fucked up. There are cases where fan complaints about canon-material being ‘OOC’ is valid and should be considered.

But on the other hand, there are far too many fans who throw in the “OOC” claim when, like, canon just happens to contradict their favorite not-actually-textually-supported-headcanon, or contradict a version of the character that has kinda mutated through a fandom-wide game of Telephone. Or just like, refusing to engage with the idea that the character might contain more than the surface-level we were initially introduced to, or that people might react Differently in Different Situations, or that Character Development is a thing. And I feel like the folks who are complaining that the Deltarune “The Newest Girl Girl” blogpost is “OOC” for Kris, Susie and Noelle are really a case of the second thing?

Like, first things first, trying to authoritatively label anything Kris does as “OOC” is, in my humble opinion, aboslutely friggin’ clownshoes right now. Kris is the most enigmatic character in Deltarune’s main cast. Because we’re controlling them, we can only can only infer what they are like from the glimpses of their true personality and behavior slipping in through the cracks and from stories told to us by their friends and family. There’s a lot of cool interpetation and analysis work done by the Fandom about Kris’ personality from the little info we have and a lot of it is well-reasoned and well-argued-for but... 

When we get one of the first canon scenes descriptions featuring a (probably?) not posessed Kris, and their behavior in some way happens contradict your Kris Interpetation? I think the correct reaction is less “this so OOC” as much as “hmmm, maybe I need to reconsider some things in my personal interpetation of the characrter?” We’re still in the early stages of the process of assembling the puzzle pieces of Kris’ personality, this is not really the time where we can throw away pieces cause we think they won’t fit?

And Noelle, she felt very consistent with her character so far to me? We already know that freezing up during scary situations is a problem for her - her inability to actually stand up against jerks was, like, her whole character arc in the second chapter. Mostly the focus was about how folks kept overriding her desires and forcing her to do things, but there’s also an undercurrent to how it’s stopping her from meaningfully defending her friends. Espacially when you consider her dynamic with Berdly and his dynamic with Susie and Kris... Honestly, if she behaved better through that whole encounter that could have somewhat diminished the importance of her Big Moment in the climax of Chapter 2. 

And as for Susie.... Yeah, right now we all love and appreciate Susie as the most Wholesome Delta Warrior and the bestest friend of them all - but you remember what happened in Chapter 1, right? She did start out as a bully. She slammed Kris against a locker, threathened to eat their face, constantly insulted them and then spent a good chunk of the Chapter just beating up everyone and everything in the Dark World. These actions stand in contrast to the sweeter side that she shows later on in the game, but it doesn’t negate them or negate the idea that she might’ve done more stuff like that before.

I think you can argue that what Susie did in the blogpost is worse than what she did in Chapter 1, just in the sense that “your mother WILL abandon you and will be happier without you!” is crueler in a much more personal way than “I will eat your face”. But not really in the sense of “Susie would have NEVER said something like this!” as much as “what would prompt Susie to say something like that?” Was she going through a praticularly rough time after moving into Hometown, causing her to take out her own frustrations and insecurities on Kris much more than later on? Was this a spesifically Bad Day? Did... whatever Kris told her in reply really shook her emotionally that much? Did she end up regretting her words and deeds on some level and started mellowing out even before Chapter 1 start? There are a lot of interesting possibilities!

I guess that’s what frustrates me the most about a knee-jerk “OOC Writing” reaction for every time a character catches the fandom off-guard. A sort of refusal to really engage with the text and it’s implication for the characters before you just chuck the text in the grabage. I think this is very much supposed to be a ‘how far they’ve come’ sort of thingie, contrasting the characters as they existed in this blog pre-character development with the better-adujsted post-Dark World Adventure versions we experienced in the game. We’re supposed to to feel some sort of emotional vertigo from how Noelle, Susie and Kris interact here to how they interact by the end of Chapter 2 - but that’s not because of Bad Writing, just cause these kids are changing and growing!

[natasha-in-space]

Suit!Saeran/cmc Natasha Stakh;

A result of a vampire Suit brainrot I've been having for a while now.

(Used ref. by @BANSEXGA on Twitter)

"Are you... okay...?"

Saeran gritted his teeth, slamming the thick door shut behind him with a distinct thud, which made his assistant visibly twitch in her chair. Was she intending to do that or not, he did not know. What he did know was just how much it annoyed him to see that wary body language coming from her.

He hated seeing her cower at the sight of him like a stray puppy begging for his mercy, and, all at the same time, he absolutely despised it whenever she decided to act arrogantly by trying to tell him what he should be doing with his life. It felt like her mere existence was making his blood boil, and yet, she was still here, right by his side throughout almost every minute of his day, despite his numerous threats to get rid of her time and time again. Deep inside, he knew perfectly well, just how paradoxical this whole ordeal was. But like hell he'll admit it out loud in front of this airhead.

He growled menacingly, closing an already fairly small distance between them with only a few wide steps and making his sour mood crystal clear by forcefully slamming both of his hands onto the surface of the table, causing Natasha to shut her eyes tight at the loud noise mercilessly assaulting her eardrums. Good. He felt just a tiny bit better when she was no longer burning holes into him with those huge eyeballs of hers. But, then again, it was kind of annoying how she thought she could hide from him by acting so childishly. This trick has never worked for him in his lifetime, and it certainly will not work for her.

This airhead was making his head spin with thousands of contradictions, and it was only making him more and more irritated as minutes slowly passed him by.

"You should have learned by now to stop asking me these moronic questions, you stupid toy! Are you trying to piss me off on purpose or something!? Learn your place and do your job - that's all you need to be doing! Is that really so hard to keep in mind for you!?" His breath was coming out ragged, it felt as if every single cell in his body was blazing with rage, burning him alive from the inside out.

Well, perhaps, there was another reason for him feeling this miserable, but it was way easier to focus on the physical source of his discomfort that was trembling right in front of his nose.

Natasha grimaced, tentatively opening one of her eyes and looking up at his face that was hovering so close to hers, it felt almost claustrophobic. She had nowhere to run, and practically all of her senses were filled with his menacing presence. It seemed like she was trying desperately to pick out the safest way to respond, so as to not anger him any further. Though, whenever Saeran was this pissed off for whatever reason, he was like a ticking time bomb. It was practically impossible to escape the explosion that was going to occur sooner or later, regardless of her actions.

"T-there's blood on you. Of course I'm worried. I care about you." Her voice was muffled and timid as she quickly lowered her gaze to the ground. Truth is, it didn't matter, how she responded to his demands. He would get angry either way. All she could do was wait for the unavoidable impact that was coming up fast.

The peaceful buzzing of countless computers was suddenly harshly interrupted by a burst of deafening cackling, as Saeran threw his head back in a fit of laughter that sounded borderline hysterical in its nature. It sent shivers down her spine as she silently watched him spiraling out of control. This wasn't natural. His entire body was now trembling with anger, filled to the brim with overwhelming and confusing feelings that were making his head spin.

"For God's sake, you're such an idiot! You're worried about me? You're worried! Why that's the most ironic thing I've heard all year!"

Just as abruptly as his chilling fit of laughter has started, it was replaced by a crooked grimace of pure malice, seemingly in an instant. At least, that's what he wanted it to look like. Instead, Saeran looked like he was about to fall apart at any moment now. Natasha has never seen him this unhinged before. She was getting more and more concerned both for her own and Saeran's safety all the same. She wanted to calm him down somehow, to soothe his raging emotions that were obviously causing him so much inner distress, but she had no idea how she was supposed to do that when he was already on the edge of exploding.

This feeling of helplessness was making it hard to breathe for her.

She could only wince as Saeran's slender fingers quickly gripped her jaw with so much strength, that she could feel his short fingernails digging painfully into the skin of her cheeks. He wasn't actively trying to hurt her, though. At least, not yet. He merely forced her to look him straight in the eye, making it impossible for her to back away or hide her gaze. His voice dropped to a low hiss, pure venom filling his hushed words, even as he tried to imitate a fake sense delight with his tone. A strong feeling of danger seeped deep within her bones, making her shiver in her seat helplessly.

"Well, let me tell you one secret, princess. It's not my blood you're seeing. You wanna know why there's blood on me? Hmm? Answer me. Since you're oh so saint and caring, I'm sure you're just itching to hear it."

His grip on her only tightened, as her breath hitched in her throat in a weak attempt to not provide him with any strong reactions on her part. She may not know how to resolve this conflict, but she knew that, whenever she behaved way too emotional, it never ended pretty for them. Her best plan would be to remain as calm as possible and withstand this storm as best she could. Getting angry and retaliating, or giving up and begging for his mercy wouldn't do anything to help them both. So, she had to be strong. That's what she told herself as she swallowed the lump in her throat and found her voice again, however small it may be against Saeran's booming insults. "I... Even if it's not your blood, you must have gone through something really distressing to get it on you... right? You don't look okay at all... Did... something bad happen at the ceremony today...?"

He grit his teeth with so much force it felt like they were about to crumble into dust. No. This was not what he wanted to hear right now. Moreover, receiving such a ridiculous answer only irritated him further, if it was even possible at this point. He didn't know, what kind of response he desired to get from her exactly, but it was definitely not this.

She has no idea what she was talking about.

He won't put up with this.

Instead of coming up with a proper reply to her tentative assumption, he roughly released his hold on her cheeks with such sharpness in his movements, it almost looked like the physical touch has physically burned him or something. Pursing his lips into a thin tight line, he took a step back, sharply gesturing with his hand a new command he needed Natasha to fulfill.

"Stand up."

She blinked, looking up at him with an utterly dumbfounded expression plastered crystal clear onto her face. She almost reminded him of a confused child right now, which only made him clench his fists at his sides and curse internally in response to the unpleasant memories clouding his mind all over again. He hated it. Why is she always doing this to him? Was it on purpose? Was she knowingly trying to weaken him, only to jab a knife into his back the moment he'd lower his defenses around her?

Like hell.

"I said get up!"

He sounded way more desperate than angry at this point, and the thought almost scared him. He couldn't control his emotions in her presence and he couldn't control the way his body was acting just as much. It was genuinely unnerving, however, he stubbornly refused to admit his defeat and leave the room. That's what Ray always did whenever staying around her was too overwhelming for his bloodthirst. And he definitely wasn't Ray.

This time, Natasha listened, flinching at the volume of his already hoarse voice and silently complying with his command. She carefully got up from her seat and stood in front of him, clutching tightly onto the fabric of her skirt. She was nervous, he could tell. Why won't she just admit that she's scared of him?

That dirty liar.

His cold gaze narrowed as he took a few more steps back and folded both of his arms across his chest.

"Now, go stand next to that wall, or I'll make you do it myself. And I won't coddle you." He nodded briefly to his left, away from their shared working space. Judging by the increased nervousness flickering in her green eyes, Natasha was starting to guess on what was soon to come. Still, she hesitated only for a brief moment, before biting on her lower lip and walking over to the mentioned wall.

His gaze never left her form, not until her back was carefully lined up with the cold surface of the wall.

She wasn't saying much now. He must admit, he liked her a tiny bit better when her voice wasn't buzzing around inside of his ears. It always sounded way too soft and sweet for his liking. Especially whenever she decided to act 'worried' about his well-being of all people. Natasha was a convincing actor, that's for sure, and that's exactly what made him feel so angry in the first place. The truth was, a part of him, the tiniest part of him, has often longed to succumb to her tender promises, to cling to the warm comfort her embrace would surely provide. He despised these weak thoughts of his. The only person who should provide him the comfort he needs is his beloved Savior, no one else. His Saviour is the only person in the whole world who truly understands him and loves him unconditionally.

So, why is it that he's feeling so damn left behind by her lately? He shouldn't be needy for her love, that's what weak people like Ray do. And yet, after he got to meet Natasha, she started to plant new dangerous ideas into his head. Even right now, what he was planning on doing was something strictly prohibited to him, and he knew that perfectly.

He didn't even realize that he started walking towards her, suddenly finding himself standing right in front of her petite figure and cornering her by putting up an arm right next to her head. Though, it didn't seem like she was planning on escaping anyway. He leaned down to her level, his breath ghosting over the skin of her cheek as he spoke: "Are you afraid of me?"

The words hung heavy in the air around them, almost echoing off the cold walls aligning this tiny room. He was staring straight into her eyes, seeming scarily calm when compared to his earlier almost unhinged state of mind. Though, it wasn't odd for Saeran's mood to change drastically in a matter of mere minutes.

Natasha licked over her dried lips, musing over her words for a couple of moments before coming up with a reply.

"...No. I'm not."

His gaze narrowed as his nails scratched at the surface of the wall, making her cringe faintly at the unpleasant sound right next to her ear. If he was angry with her answer, he didn't show it openly this time around. Saeran merely let out a hollow chuckle, shaking his head slightly and leaning over so that he could whisper his next words right into her ear: "You should be."

And with that, without giving her any time to react, he gripped her tightly by the shoulders, jerking her body forward till she was trapped flush against his chest. He could hear her let out a shallow gasp at the unexpected contact, clutching onto his suit so as to not fall over completely. This way, he could practically hear her heart drumming away into his temples, forcing him to grit his teeth and bear it.

Whatever he can deal with this just fine.

Making sure that she was right where he needed her to be, Saeran now grabbed onto her arm, gripping it tightly between his thin fingers and making his point clear: there was no point in trying to struggle. Whether she listened to his silent warning out of fear or some other train of thought, he didn't know, and he didn't care. It was easier when she was not trying to push him away, anyway.

Though, he had to push her back into his chest the moment she tried to look back onto his face. He didn't want to see her eyes right now.

"W-what are you going to do?" She muttered, sounding much more confused than scared, much to his annoyance. Is she out of her mind or something?

"Say, have you ever wondered why Ray was acting the way he did around you?"

Natasha fell silent for a few moments. He could imagine a puzzled look painting itself over her features, which made him snicker under his breath.

Such an idiot.

Weirdly enough, he didn't feel the need to lash out at her quite yet. Moreover, he found it quite amusing to watch her stumble over her own words in confusion.

"I... don't understand what you're getting at, Saeran."

He rolled his eyes at her. He just has to spill everything out the way it is for her, huh? How boring.

"What, are you trying to tell me he never rushed away from you seemingly out of nowhere, looking like he saw a ghost or something? Or avoided you like the plaque itself whenever you hurt yourself out of your own ridiculous clumsiness? Oh, I know, how about never actually eating anything in front of you? That's a hard one to crack, isn't it, my little detective?" He practically purred right into her ear, slowly brushing away her long hair from her shoulder and examining the exposed skin of her neck with his starved gaze. It looked like she was way too distracted by his strange words to even take notice of this odd touch, just slightly tightening her hold on his suit in response.

"W-what are you talking about-?" She stuttered.

His hot shaky breath ghosted over her smooth skin, making her jolt in surprise, and let out a tiny yelp, making him chuckle in amusement. She can be pretty cute at times, it's a shame that she mostly chooses to annoy him, rather than provide him with the entertainment he desires. She tried once more to turn her head to him, but this attempt was denied the same as the last one with just one tug on her arm that caused her to remain in place. He wasn't going to let her do whatever she wanted, after all.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. There's no point in playing the oblivious idiot in front of me, princess. I can feel your blood pumping inside of your veins, and it does not lie. Now, are you starting to guess on why there's blood on me, or should I just spell it out for you? Hmm... how about you never seeing me, or your precious prince-charming Ray out and about in the daylight? I believe that's the most obvious clue there is."

Natasha fell dead silent, freezing in place, and this time, Saeran felt kind of disappointed he couldn't see her face clearly. Still, this way, he's much more in control of himself, so he'll have to bear with it for the time being. He grabbed onto her hair with a tight grip, finding the biggest vein peeking out distinctly from under the soft cover of her skin with his eyes. He could feel his fangs practically itching to bury themselves into her flesh, as he imagined how her blood would taste on his tongue the moment he'll finally get to do it.

Still, he held himself back for whatever reason, slowly starting to slightly tremble from the overwhelming need clouding over his senses. It was dangerous how quickly she caused him to feel like this, considering how he had his last 'meal' just a few hours ago. The sound of her muffled voice brought him back to reality.

"...That's not possible."

It was a hushed whisper, one he was able to make out only due to his heightened senses compared to a normal human being. He couldn't hide the wide smirk stretching his cheeks from ear to ear in pure triumph. "Oh, but it is, princess. And I think it's about time you learned what I truly am - what Ray truly is - before you start all that 'I care about you ' crap. It's too late to regret now, so don't even try to struggle, it's useless either way. Let's see how worried about me you'll be after I'm finished with you."

Before she could reply to these words, Saeran has bitten harshly into her skin, without any warning given to her in advance, making Natasha gasp sharply at the pain searing up in her neck. His grip on her was too strong to fight back, even if she'd try.

And yet, for whatever reason, she did not even do that. A small question crept its way into her thoughts as she stood there in pure shock and dismay swirling around in her head and pondering over what was real, and what was not, as her blood was being taken away from her in a form of mere food.

Did Saeran... Did he believe that he was undeserving of her care because of what he is...?

[mimi-cee-hq]

Wildfires - Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: You're burned from last year's rumours, now fearing any hint of smoke. Yet you can't help, but fall for the childhood friend who's a balm to your wounds.

Genres, tropes, etc: angst with a satisfying and happy ending, angst to fluff, hurt/ comfort, exs to lovers (but not the usual kind), secret dating, drama and romance, but it's still somehow cute because that's just how I write lol

Warnings: false rumours about cheating and an illicit relationship, so it still technically mentions those things.

Words: 1.9k

Author's Notes: Hi Lia (@chimielie)! I'm your ☀️ anon. 🥰 You suggested exs to lovers and hurt/comfort for this prompt and it still technically is those things, but it's probably not what you expected.

If anyone is new to my blog and doesn't want to read angst, here's a cute fluff Atsumu x reader instead. :)

This fic is for the Heatwave Fic Exchange (@heatwave2021). Thank you for hosting this!

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

The air is dry and sweat forms on your brow. With the sun beating down, it's the perfect combination for a wildfire.

Atsumu's chin sits on his fist as he avoids your gaze. Lowering your eyes, you stare at the wooden table.

"Did he still care?" you ask yourself.

~*~*~

Plaid skirts sway as two students peek into their new classroom, attempting to be discreet. You hear their whispers from a distance, waiting in front of your own classroom.

"Look! We get Kinjou-sensei this year!" one exclaims.

"Are you serious?" the other asks after letting out a gasp. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I might end up staring at his face all day."

"Maybe it'll help you pay attention," her friend snickers.

You clench your jaw as heat rises in your body. They're able to indulge in frivolous remarks, ignorant of how you're left scarred from one fleeting gesture, a tiny piece of kindling that ignited into uncontrollable flames.

Cool hands cover your ears from behind you. Your jaw relaxes and the tension dissipates from your shoulders. You turn around to see Atsumu wearing a scowl on his lips. Sighing as you cross your arms, you ask, "Atsumu, what are you doing?"

"Well if only there was a way to make 'em shut up," he replies with a sharp tone.

You lean away from him and swat his hands back. "You're too close," you tell him.

"Alright!" he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll go!"

As he walks away, he crosses his thumb and index finger behind his back, forming a little heart. You smirk at his hidden gesture to you.

"I love you too, Atsumu," you silently tell him as a smile graces your lips. However, it vanishes like the mist in the sun when yet another person calls after him, someone he doesn't know.

You skirt around the other students, avoiding their path, and rush to your desk. There are too many dry leaves around; a single spark can burst everything into flames.

Why does everyone have to know Atsumu?

~*~*~

"I wish you could've been my partner for the project," you say.

Atsumu pours a glass of water and places it on the table in front of you. "You ended up with that new girl, right?" he mentions and you reply with a nod. "She should be safe to work with."

You're startled once again when you hear the chimes from the front door. A rattan room divider obstructs your view of it, but you hunch down anyway as you finally pick up your spoon.

Atsumu sits across from you, sharing something about his team. His eyes dim when he realizes you haven't been listening.

"This isn't working," he tells you. "I thought this restaurant would be better because people can't see us from here." He runs his fingers in his hair, a sign he's frustrated.

"I– I forgot people can still hear us," you say in a low voice.

Atsumu sighs. "Let's just watch a movie at my house," he says. "Osamu already knows anyway."

"You know we can't," you protest. "Not when Hana and Haku drop by so often. They're going to realize we're together."

"But how are we supposed to have any fun when you're so scared?"

"I–" You lower your gaze, eyes unfocused towards your untouched bowl of rice. "Sorry, Atsumu."

"It's not your fault," he reminds you yet again. This exchange has become all too familiar. "Maybe we should finally tell Hana and Haku what happened to you."

"And have them find out the guy in the rumours is their beloved brother?" You cross your arms over your chest and rub your hand on your sleeve. "I still want to be comfortable around them, Atsumu. Ignorance is bliss right?"

His mouth twists before a groan escapes from it. He slouches in his seat and stares at the food in front of you, which remains the way the waitress left it.

"Let's take the train to Tokyo next time," he mutters. "Nobody'll know us there."

Your eyes grow before looking up at Atsumu. "What?" you slowly enunciate just above a whisper. "Don't you know how expensive that is?"

He presses his lips together before sharing his next suggestion. "I know where 'Samu's secret stash of money is…"

You narrow your eyes at him. "No, we're not stealing from him to go on a date, Atsumu."

"Alright," he says, lowering his eyes and dropping his shoulders.

Seeing his expression, you offer another idea. "How about Osaka?" It's only one city away.

Atsumu's eyes light up, excited at the chance of finally getting to enjoy some time with you. Although your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, you hope leaving the vicinity of last year's wildfires would be enough, for Atsumu's sake and yours.

~*~*~

Your heart beats faster and your throat becomes dry. You weren't getting enough air.

"You're okay," you tell yourself. "She's not talking about you."

"Seriously! That happened at my old school," your project partner snickers as she recounts her story to you. "They even got the kiss on camera too! I felt so bad for her, but it's her own fault for cheating on him."

You begin to feel dizzy, catching a whiff of smoke from another victim's fire. Her words add fuel to a fire that cannot be stopped. Wildfires burn and burn, and are never satisfied until they run out of kindling.

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask. Are you dating Atsumu? The two of you seem really close!"

Your throat struggles to take control, attempting to keep your stomach down; it doesn't want to burn either.

They'll say you're cheating on Kinjou-sensei.

The tongue is a powerful weapon, causing destruction by those who are both untrained and ignorant as well as the truly malicious.

Your knees buckle as you pant for air, your grip weak on the knob. You need to get out.

Atsumu's figure is before you and you relax as he catches you. You never would have imagined that this guy would be your fleeting oasis.

~*~*~

"Let's break up," you tell Atsumu.

You both knew this was coming, yet a bucket of icy water chilled to the bone regardless of whether or not it was expected. Speaking those words aloud shocked you back into reality.

You hesitated dating each other in the first place, but you couldn't help but caress his strong hands when he admitted his feelings for you. Growing up together in your group of five, he was by your side from snotty noses to acne breakouts.

You didn't expect to fall for the hot-head of your bunch when rumours of you dating Kinjou-sensei spread. Atsumu attempted to extinguish every flame he spotted, witnessing your anguish each time you got burned.

"Maybe we can still do this," you say, contradicting your previous words.

"And what? Have ya pass out again every time someone asks about us?" Atsumu protests. He lowers his eyes as he clutches your hand. "Do ya know how worried I was about ya?"

Your heart flutters for a moment before you remind yourself that you can't keep him, the boy who has been by your side for so long.

"Aghhhhh! This is so stupid!!! Why are we suffering because of this made up crap?! 'Kinjou-sensei' had put a bandaid on me a thousand times more than he did t' ya! But nobody gives a crap about that!"

"I'm sorry Atsumu."

"Why the heck are ya sorry?!" he says, raising his voice.

"I– If I was just strong enough... If I could withstand their stupid words"–your lip trembles–"maybe I wouldn't have to choose between you and having some peace."

There's another silence between the two of you. Your fingers are loosely intertwined together, barely holding the fragile string between the two of you, as if it were a wick that would combust and disappear in a split second.

"Maybe we should just run away," Atsumu mumbles aloud.

"What?"

"Ya know, transfer schools. Or even drop out if we need ta."

"Atsumu! You can't! We can't! You have volleyball! And I... this is the only school that gave me a scholarship."

"Agh! Why is this so frustrating?!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, ya idiot! Ya did nothing wrong!" He presses and rubs his forehead with the heel of his palm. "I just… I wish I could do more for ya." His arm drops at his side. "I wish I didn't feel so useless."

Your tears drip down your face. Could they be counted any more? If only you didn't fear getting caught dating Atsumu, terrified that last year's fires would morph into a raging beast. But another wildfire would not only destroy you but also the man you loved. If only your sores healed by now, you could have shown off your boyfriend, disregarding any of the flames.

If only you were fireproof.

But you weren't and now you're forced to loosen your grip on Atsumu, the balm to your wounds, and let him fall out of your hands.

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

It was three years since you talked to Atsumu, four since rumours first raged through the school. The two of you went through cycles of getting back together and breaking up again every time you learned that fear was still crippling you. Cutting off contact was the less painful option.

Years later, you're at a friend's cottage and Atsumu comes along without knowing you're here as well. Now that high school has come and gone, the smoke has dissipated and the fires have finished their course. You can finally breathe.

But does Atsumu still want you?

To anyone else, Atsumu is bored out of his mind, resting his chin on his fist. Nobody sees his thumb and finger forming a tiny heart.

Your heart flutters and you blink back tears. You attempt to hold back your growing grin, but you have no reason to hide it anymore.

You wrap your arms around him, almost causing him to topple off of his chair, Atsumu letting out a yelp. "What the heck are ya doing?"

You can finally release your feelings for him, openly and freely. The dam opens and waters rush to engulf him before you settle into his embrace.

"I love you too Atsumu," you tell him without a care in the world.

Osamu tells you he changed when you cut off contact. He desired to be a man, not wanting to feel so powerless, and poured himself into things he could do. It paid off.

"Did ya want to go somewhere together? I could even take ya all the way t' Rome if ya want."

The two of you hold each others' hands as the ocean's edge cools your feet. You lean against his shoulder, cherishing the moment that at one point seemed like an inaccessible dream.

You give him a peck on the cheek and smile. "Tokyo seems like a nice place for a date for now."

~*~*~

I hope you enjoyed this fic. :) (And I hope you liked it Lia!!) I guess I can be poetic if I try. lol. I had a whole commentary written out for this fic, but I decided against posting it here and making my author's notes as long as the fic itself. 😂

If you enjoyed this fic, I don't really have any similar pieces of writing at the moment. The only one that's similar is the hurt/comfort Kunimi WIP I've put off writing for so long because I didn't think I could pull off this type of fic. (And also because I think only one person will read it.) The theme in that one is pity/pride because pitiful is Kunimi's most hated word.

Anyway, if you want to see my usual style of writing, I have a cute tooth-rotting fluff Atsumu x reader one-shot. I currently also have an ongoing fake dating chaptered Suna fic, which is probably my best planned fic with the hints and foreshadowing and a nice mix of humour, fluff and shoujo-type angst. :)

I also have a Google form for my taglist if anyone is interested.

[ectonurites]

In Tim original he was there when dick parents die and he look like 4-5 and that make me confused bc shouldn’t Tim be more younger than that when dick parents die ? ( I mean the age gap between dick and Tim Probably 8-10 )

OKAY lets take a look at this!

All of this is obviously not currently canon because the New 52 changed things and honestly even before that things could be very inconsistent, but we can try to approximate what Tim, Jason, and Dick's ages and age differences were based on that 1987-1989 era of canon to try to make sense of 'how old Tim should have been when Dick's parents died' (Then I know you didn't bring up Jason but considering how linked Tim's origin is to him he's relevant, so he's in here too)

So in Batman #416 (the issue Dick & Jason first meet), Dick brings up two things relevant to talk about here:

From this we know:

Dick was 19 when Bruce fired him from being Robin

Dick & Bruce were partners for 6 years, meaning Dick was approximately 13 when he began as Robin (I believe other comics reference him being around 12 at the time of his parents' death/becoming Robin, so it could be more like it was 6 full years and dates just don't line up exactly, and he did actually start at 12. This could also be explained as the training time, as later in Lonely Place of Dying Tim mentions there were a few months between the death of Dick's parents and Robin's debut, meaning it could be more like his parents died when he was 12 -> he trained the rest of the time he was 12 -> he properly debuted as Robin at age 13)

For the purposes of working out this logic I'm going to treat these things as happening when Dick was 12

Now the DC Wiki cites that Jason was confirmed as 12 when he met Bruce/became Robin in a letters-to-the-editor type 'bat-signals' page included in Batman #413, however all the scans of that issue I've been able to find don't include those pages (they're often not included in scans of older issues), so I'm not currently able to confirm/deny that. However logistically it makes sense, that way he had a few years in the role before his death, considering we do know he died at age 15 from a few sources including his Death Certificate in the Batman Files:

For the sake of 'needing a number' I'm going to assume that age 12 start time is true.

We then know that Bruce met Jason not too long after he fired Dick based on Batman #408. The start of the issue shows the incident/reason that Bruce fired him (he got very injured by the Joker and Bruce decided he couldn't work with a partner anymore), then it says some weeks (an unspecified number of weeks, but they use the term 'weeks' not 'months' to describe it) passed:

Which brings us to the anniversary of Bruce's parents' death which is when he first meets Jason in crime alley.

So, based on all that so far we can conclude:

Dick's parents died and he became Robin when he was around 12/13

Dick was fired from being Robin after they worked together for six years, at age 19

Soon after Dick became Nightwing (also at 19 I believe), and Jason was taken in by Bruce at age 12 and became Robin after training

(Jason and Dick don't meet for a while though, as it's not until 18 months after being fired that Dick approaches Bruce again (in Batman #416 as referenced earlier), when he and Jason would have probably been around 20/21 and 13/14 respectively)

Jason was killed at age 15, when Dick would have been approximately 22 if we consider this three years after he was fired/Jason met Bruce

Then let's get to Tim! We know that Tim was 13 during Lonely Place of Dying, which takes place not too long after Jason was killed

(Batman #441)

Which gives us that 'Jason is about two years older than Tim' age difference that is commonly used

Now taking that stuff also into consideration:

Jason died at age 15, when Dick would have been approximately 22, and Tim would have been about 13 (theoretically he actually should have been 12 at the time of Jason's death because Jason died in April and Tim's birthday is in July, and Lonely Place of Dying is supposed to be like a few months after Jason's death and we know he's 13 at the time of the story, however I'm almost certain Tim's birthday hadn't been determined yet when the story was written so it definitely didn't factor into the logic when they were writing it. So we should treat it as him being 13, but my brain would yell at me if I didn't at least address that)

So, we can then approximate Tim & Dick's age difference at around 9 years, implying Tim should have been about 3 at the time Dick's parents died, when Dick was 12. Most people usually assume Tim is older than that at the time though, in the 4-5 (or even 6) range like you suggested, based on the art and the fact that Tim has strong memories from that day (of the deaths themselves, and the thing that lets him figure out that Dick is Robin: that the Ringmaster had said only three people could do that quadruple somersault)

However frankly it is possible to have memories from being 3, like it's less common sure and is about the earliest that is average to have, but especially considering it was something he had nightmares about for years afterwards that impacted him, I wouldn't be that surprised by details sticking with him even if it was from when he was that young. Also comics are not ever consistent about drawing people the ages they are so I really don't think that can count as proof of age or anything.

Also, the way he speaks in the flashback to the moment during Batman Year 3 (so before Lonely Place of Dying, because in the LPoD flashbacks we don't actually see him talk at all at this age) feels much more to me like how a preschooler (typically about 3-4) would talk than a kindergartener (typically about 5-6), just as someone who has worked with both age groups before.

(Batman #436)

But I mean i'm not an expert on childhood development stuff like that, so take my opinion there with a grain of salt. I'm more just trying to point out that him being significantly younger than most people assume he was there is definitely possible. I usually only see people point to the parts in LPoD and gloss right over Batman #436 in these discussions.

But yeah! So there's obviously guesswork thrown in here, and comics just in general are not consistent about ages like these things are fluid and do change, but my best guesses based on stuff from that late 80's period (+ the death certificate from later, I know him being 15 is mentioned in other places too but off the top of my head I could not remember and the death certificate is just easiest to find) are:

Tim was about 3 when Dick's parents died

Dick is about 9 years older than him

Jason is about 2 years older than Tim/ 7 years younger than Dick

I hope I worded this in not too confusing of a way, and I'd again like to reiterate this is in no way a definitive thing (there just is no definitive answer, because basically all this kind of stuff gets contradicted at various points) it's just what makes most sense to me after reading through these comics from this era!

[scarletwinterxx]

that time i knew i liked you too

as always, I was melting everytime the dreamies release new content. Hyuck just looked so adorable I cannot handle it. So here’s another scenario with him😊🌻

for my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2020 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

“No no put me down, let me at him. Jeno, put me down” you said as you trash around Jeno’s shoulder. How you got there is a repeated story that always starts when you and Haechan are in the same room. 

“No, you’re going to hurt someone”

“Yea, I’m going to hurt him. Let me down, stop using your strength on me” you pounded your palms against his back but he just continued walking further away from Renjun who was holding Haechan back from you

“Would it hurt the two of you to just admit you like each other?” you hear Jaemin ask from beside you “Want to get smacked too? for the last time I don’t like him” 

Jeno finally put you back down on your feet, the two guys looking at you with a ‘we don’t believe you but we’ll pretend we do’ look

“I don’t!”

“Mhm, sure we’ll go with that” Jeno told you with a smile, his eyes disappearing completely while he does. This time instead of manhandling you, he just threw his arm casually around your shoulder but you know he’s trying to make sure you won’t run back to where Haechan was. 

“There’s a very thin line between love and hate” Jaemin mumbled, you looked over at him with a glare making the boy shoot his hands up in surrender. 

The chaotic relationship between you and Haechan started with friendly banters, he was a natural joker, the mood maker of the group. You on the other hand, is the exact opposite. 

When you exchanged schools, only knowing your cousin Jeno, he was quick to introduce to his group of friends. Ofcourse they were very nice and welcoming, you were on the same year as the four of them: Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin and Haechan. Soon after that you became an honorary member of that group, girls and some guys would sometimes ask favors from you to set them up with the guys. This always made you wonder why, not really understanding the craze other people have over your friends. In your eyes they were pretty normal, at times weird most times too loud.  

“Remember that time you threw a tantrum when someone asked you to give Haechan their valentine favor”

You scowled at the memory, last year during valentines one girl came up to you asking you to give Haechan her card and chocolates. You were too shy to say no, so after school was finished and you were all waiting in the parking lot, you all but practically shoved the box of chocolates to Haechan. The rest of the guys cheering but you cut them off by saying it wasn’t from you. 

“I did not. I was just not having a great day that day”

“Sure, you should see the look on his face when you said it didn’t come from you” Jeno said making you look over at him “Why? How did he look?” you asked, your curiosity getting the best of  you

“Wouldn’t you like to know” Jaemin teased you

It is true you both get on each other nerves, there’s one little thing that contradicts everything that just came out of your mouth though. 

You do like Haechan, more than you will ever care to admit. You’d rather be dead than ever admit you like him. Because at the end of the day, even when you two want to rip each other’s head off, you always end up together somehow. 

The next day you were waiting for Jeno to finish his last class since he picked you up this morning, sitting outside on one of the empty benches with book in hand. You were too emerged on your reading material that you didn’t notice the figure now sitting in front of you. Only when you turned the page and craned your neck to stretch it you did you notice the guy sitting across from you, 

“What the fuck! How long have you been there?” You asked Haechan, holding your book against your chest. “Long enough to notice how bad your posture is” he answered

“Says the guy who can’t sit or stand straight” you mumbled, closing the book and tucking it away in your bag

“If I were you, I’d be nice to the guy who’ll be driving me home”

“I don’t see Jeno here” you said looking around you, your cousin nowhere in sight. “No stupid, he has basketball practice. He asked me to drive you home”

You just shot him a blank look, for a couple of seconds he just shot you the same look before standing up

“Have it your way, I can just leave you here” then started to walk towards the parking lot. Scowling at his retreating figure, you quickly threw your bag over your shoulder following Haechan’s steps. 

He can already hear your hurried steps, a faint smile forming on his lips but he quickly shook it away. Acting nonchalant when you finally caught up with him,

“No, you won’t. Jeno will have your ass if leave me”

“No, he won’t” 

“Oh yea my bad, you don’t have an ass” he looked over at you, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. Silently daring you to repeat what you just said, so just send him a big sarcastic smile

“Watch it, babe. Don’t bite what you can’t chew”

“I don’t even know what that means, but let’s just pretend I do for your sake” You pat him on the shoulder before walking ahead. For awhile, neither of you said anything. A random playlist was playing while Haechan hums along, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. 

“Hyuck”

Haechan looked quickly over at you, your attention was focused on the scenery outside. If he could, he would look at you a little bit longer but he didn’t to be too obvious and that would be dangerous. So he just hummed as an answer, 

“huh?” you asked, looking over at him

“What?”

“What do you mean what?”

“You called my name?”

“Oh I was just thinking about it, I didn’t know I said it outloud” you mumbled, you really didn’t mean to say it outloud. You were just looking out the sunset, it reminded you of his nickname which then made you think of his name. 

“You were thinking about me?” he chuckled

“I’d rather not comment on that” then it was silent again, thankful that he didn’t push it any further. 

“Want to grab something to eat?” he asked, this made you look over at him “I heard there’s this new café in town” he added. 

“Tell me the truth, can you read minds?” you asked him, you were just thinking about that too. You were planning to go later today after he dropped you off, maybe ask Jeno to come with after his practice but it makes more sense to just go now. You just didn’t expect Haechan to ask you 

“Only yours” he said with a smirk, sending you quick side eye. You rolled your eyes at him, “Can we go though?” you asked

And that is how you find yourself at the new café with your frenemy and kind of crush, Lee Haechan. You happily entered the place, taking in the smell of coffee and cake in the air, 

“Are you a dog? Stop sniffing” You hear Haechan say from behind you “Can’t help it, it smells so good. Oh my god is that chocolate cake” your attention was already on the rows of cake displayed. Completely missing the fond look on Haechan’s face as he watch you excitedly look at the snacks. 

He won’t say it but he finds it so adorable how happy you get with just the little simple stuff. 

“Do you want that? What do you want to drink?”

“Vanilla latte for me” you smiled up at him, for a second Haechan forgot how to breath forgot how to act around you. You were smiling so genuinely at him he wasn’t sure what to feel. 

“How about you?”

“Will you eat all the cake again or will you actually share it this time?” he asked back, dismissing his previous thoughts before you notice anything weird happening.

“I don’t recall doing such thing”

“Mhm sure, sweetheart. I have three other guys as witnesses” you scowled at him before turning back to the cake

Haechan ordered your drinks and cake while you sat outside and wait for him, you offered to split the bill but he just pushed you towards the door when you tried to pay for your food. Like he literally pushed you out

“Wipe that pout off, here’s your cake” at the sound of his voice, you put your phone down and smiled up at him. Well more at the plate of food he was holding

“Have I told you you’re my favorite?” you teased him, making the boy chuckle at you. You were already diving into the snack, happily swaying one hand in the air. 

“I’m starting to think you only like me when I give you food” 

“You’re thinking right” you answered straight away to tease him, chuckling when you felt him lightly kick you under the table. 

Later that day when you were finally home and was doing some homework, Jeno came over to check on you

“You made it home in one piece, that could only mean Haechan didn’t”

“Can’t say he will be missed” you replied, not even bothering to look up 

“You will though” this made you glare up at your cousin, “Why are you here again?”

“Oh right, well me and the guys plus a couple of other friends are going out of town this weekend, want to come with us?”

“When, where and who?”

“The guys, girls on some of our classes and Mark hyung is coming too. We’re renting a house with a pool, it looks really cool and we’ll stay there from Saturday til Sunday afternoon maybe”

You contemplated whether you wanted to come or not, it did sound fun. Plus you feel like you do need the time off anyways. 

“I thought you hated each other” Jaemin said, looking between you and Haechan who is sporting the same look of boredom and annoyance. It’s currently 4am, kind of freezing outside and the guys are still loading the car with stuff.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed” Renjun added, that earned a glare from Haechan and you. 

“Who else are we waiting for?” You grumbled, you wanted to get in the car and get some more sleep. Almost regretting ever agreeing to come to this trip, you felt a tug on your jacket sleeve. Looking over at Haechan who was holding out his coffee to you, you just shook your head at him. You liked drinking coffee, but  iced americano is not something you’d ever opt to order

“The girls are meeting us there, they said” Jeno answered you

“So who’s going in whose car?” Renjun asked, looking around the group

“Who’s driving again?” you asked, “Jeno and Haechan” 

You looked over at the boy leaning beside you, “You’re driving? You look like you’re about to pass out”

“That’s why I’m drinking this”

“I’ll go wherever I can sleep for the duration of this trip”  Jaemin said, already walking towards Jeno’s jeep getting in the passenger seat. 

“How about you?” Jeno asked you, “I’m with Jaemin, I don’t really care as long as I can sleep some more”

“Backseat is still pretty spacious, make yourself comfortable” he said then opened the car door for you, doing exactly what your cousin just said. 

“I thought you were going with Haechan” Jaemin said from the front seat, “Don’t start with me right now, let me sleep then you can bug me about him later”

The rest of the trip you were sleeping soundly at the backseat, the two boys talking amongst themselves. It was a four hour car ride so by the time you got to the vacation house it’s still too early for lunch. 

“Who wants to go to the grocery with me?” Jaemin asked, Renjun saying he’ll come with and pulling Haechan along with him

Hours later when they got back and finished unloading all the food for the weekend, you were just lounging around. Some of the guys were by the pool while you were in the lounge area with Jaemin and Jisung when Jeno and Haechan showed up. You were happily snacking on some cookies you when Haechan spotted you, Jeno immediately noticing Haechan’s gaze on you and the cookies you were holding

“Please tell me you you’re not going to fight over cookies”

“Will that make you happy?” Haechan asked his friend to which Jeno nodded as an answer, “Too bad then, give me back my cookies” Haechan turned his attention back to you, reaching out to grab the bag of treats

“I don’t see your name written here, plus I was the one who told Jaemin to get it at the grocery store”

“I went with him to the grocery store”

“Should’ve bought your own cookies then”

“I did! Those are mine”

The two of you were too busy arguing to notice the other guys have left the room to join the others outside, leaving you and Haechan alone in the lounge area. You sat on the opposite sides of the big couch, just chilling when Haechan walked in demanding to give his cookies back

“I’ll give you five seconds to give it back”

“Oooh I’m so scared”

“5, 4, 3” just as you were about to take another cookie from the bag, you feel his hand clamp around your ankle then pulling you towards the other side of the couch where he was sitting.

Now your legs are draped on his lap while his arms rest on them, “You said 5!”

Haechan just glared at you before snatching the bag out of your hands and taking some cookies for himself

“Leave some for me” you said as you try to reach for the bag “No, you already ate half of it”. 

You scowled at him until he gave the bag back to you, not even moving from your current position since you are pretty comfortable and the boy don’t seem to mind. Already busy scrolling through his phone, 

“Why aren’t you downstairs with the guys? I heard the girls arrived too”

“Too tired”

“I heard Yeji came today”

“Mhm”

“You know she gave you those chocolates last year for valentines, right?”

“Like you would ever let me forget” he was still scrolling through his phone, one hand resting on top of your legs comfortably. If any of the boys walk in on you know they’d probably shoot you weird looks but when it’s just the two of you, you don’t really fight like cats and dogs. 

“Don’t you like, like her back atleast?”

“Why?”

“I mean she said she liked you, don’t you think it’s a bit mean to not talk to her after that. Plus,. I think she came so she could spend some time with you and yet here you are hiding away”

“Well maybe I like spending time with you”

You looked at him like he told you the most ridiculous and confusing fact, Haechan looking over at you when you didn’t reply back to him

“What’s that look for?”

“Who are you and what have you done to Haechan?” You asked, leaning over to put a hand over his forehead. He just chuckled at you, swatting your hand away

“I just got the chills when you said that”

“Like the good kind of chills?” he teased, “No, the kind that’s making me want to throw up kind of chills” you sarcastically replied

He scowled at you, pushing your legs off of him before standing up. “You know, it’s not that hard to just admit it”

“Admit what?”

“That you actually like hanging out with me”

“I never said I didn’t, even if you get on my last nerves”

“I like keeping you on your toes, baby. I’ll be outside if you miss me” he winked at you then walked out the lounge area. 

What just happened? Was he flirting with you? Did he know? You thought to yourself.  

And boy does he love getting on your last nerve. You will never assume that he’s doing thing on purpose just to piss you off, but after your conversation with him he’s been talking more to Yeji the whole day. 

He’s naturally friendly and affectionate, no one can argue that. And it’s not like you have a right to be jealous, your pride is too high to admit Jaemin’s actually right.

You do like Haechan. 

So what do you do? you mope around without meaning to, the boiys noticing your change in mood throughout the night. 

You were just standing beside Jaemin as he grill the meat for dinner, not really saying much

“You’re going to burn holes to the ground if you keep staring at it like that” Jaemin said as he look over at your brooding figure

“Let me be, I don’t any place else to be”

“Uh how about hanging out with our friends”

“Your friends” you mumbled making Jaemin laugh at you, “Oh my god, I cannot with you. If it bother’s you this much, just admit it already. It will save us both the time and emotional stress”

“Hiw are you getting stressed, I’m literally not even saying anything here” you told him, lightly hitting him on the back. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the garden area, Haechan was watching you and Jaemin. Not in a creepy way though. He just happen to notice you’ve been missing, only to find you standing by the grill with his bestfriend

“Yah Jeno, is there something going on with Y/N and Jaemin?” Haechan can’t help but ask when Jaemin laughed at something you just said

“Huh?”

“I mean they always hang out”

“Yea, well they’re friends” Jeno shrugged, “We’re friends too” Haechan grumbled, taking a big gulp of the drink Jeno just put on the table

“Are you perhaps jealous of the two?” Jeno asked, “Absolutely not, I was just asking”

“Well, don’t tell Jaemin I told you this but I think he’s going to ask her out this weekend” that was a complete and total lie, he only said that to push Haechan to finally do something. And judging by the way he’s now practically glaring over your make makes Jeno think he did the right thing. 

“I heard you even went out on a date with him” Jaemin said, making you look at him with confusion 

“Huh? When?” “The other day when he had an emergency practice”

“We just went to the cafe, it wasn’t a date”

“Right, right. Because that’s how you spend time with a person you don’t like”

“I don’t don’t like him”

“So you like him?”

“If i say yes will you stop?”

“I-” “Say yes to what?” Someone said from behind you, making Jaemin stop his sentence. 

Haechan looked back and forth between you and Jaemin, while Jeno looked like he was about to laugh. 

“Nothing” you answered quickly before Jaemin could utter another word, then skipped away to where the others were. Jeno was shooting his bestfriend with the ‘just go with it’ expression before Haechan catches on

“What was that about?” Haechan asked, “Oh I was just asking her something” Jaemin answered with a cheeky smile

He couldn’t have asked her already, right? Haechan thought. As the night went on, he can’t help but notice how you were obviously avoiding him. You looked like you were enjoying yourself when the guys invited you to play beerpong with them while this time he’s the one moping around. 

When you went inside to get something from the kitchen, Haechan immediately shoot up from his seat to follow you. Itching to ask you if Jaemin asked you out or not. 

“You think he’ll ask her out?” Jeno asked as he watch Haechan follow you, “Huh? Haechan? Why what did you tell him?” Jaemin asked back

“That you were going to ask Y/N out”

“Bro what the fuck, he’s going to kill me if I do”

You on the other hand had no idea about this, so when Haechan cornered you in the kitchen suffice to say you were pretty shocked, 

“Did you say yes to Jaemin?” he asked

“Say yes to what?”

“Didn’t he ask you out?”

“Huh?” you asked confused, Jaemin definitely did not ask you out. You know for a fact that he’s currently crushing on the new girl, Yoo Jimin. 

“No?”

“Are you not sure or you just don’t want to tell me”

“I’m so confused, one why would Jaemin ask me out and two why would I not want to tell you?” You asked, geniunely confused with him. “Because”

“Because?” you urged for him to continue

“God! You’re really going to make me say it first will you?” he sounded so frustrated you almost laughed, “I don’t know what you want to say Haechan, but please go ahead because like I said I’m very confused right now”

It took him approximately five seconds to think about his next actions, he counted up to three in his head before saying screw it then the next thing he know he was grabbing you by the waist, his lips on yours. 

You definitely did not expect that this is how your weekend will turn out, and you most definitely not think you would end up kissing Haechan. But here you were, trapped between the counter and him. His arms secured around your frame while your hands were resting on his arms. 

It’s like your mind and body were to separate entities, not one part of a single body because in your mind you were freaking out but your body was acting like this was how it was supposed to be all along. 

When the two of you eventually had to come up for air, you can’t help but stare at him

“What was that?” you whispered, his forehead resting on yours

“Me shooting my shot” 

Then you were laughing, Haechan looked at you like you just lost your mind

“You know this is the part where you say it worked”

“I- wait hold up. You like me?” you asked him, “You liked me first!” he screeched, pointing a finger at himself

“Says who?” 

“Says your cousin, then Jaemin and Renjun. Then you” You made a mental note to hit those three guys later

“Me? Just the other day I almost punched you in the face. If that was your indication of me liking you then you’re really messed up in the head”

“So you’re saying you don’t like me?” he asked, this time with a more serious look on his face. 

“I could neither confirm nor deny” you answered, trying to rile him up even more. You already know the answer, but it was nice to see Haechan like this.

“You know in my head, this wasn’t how I imagined this moment would turn out”

“Oh so you imagined kissing me” he smirked you, “As much you imagined kissing me” you retorted back, you had him there. 

“And?” 

“A bit underwhelming, not gonna lie”

That made Haechan do the thing you think is so attractive but never told a single soul because it was your secret, it’s when he pokes the inside of his cheeks with his tongue whenever he’s annoyed or things don’t go his way. 

“Are you saying I’m not a good kisser?”

“I’m saying it could be better” you shrugged, enjoying your new found power over him. It was short lived though because the next thing you know you were thrown over his shoulder then he was walking back out the patio. 

“Yah, Haechan don’t hurt her. I need to bring her back in one piece” you hear Jeno say 

“Sure, but it’s fine if she’s a bit wet right?”

“What?” you screamed then you were thrown in the pool, quickly resurfacing to the surface to see Haechan smirking at you. Instead of saying anything you just swam towards the ledge, hoisting yourself out the pool. 

“You look like you need a hug” you shot him a wicked smile as you walk towards him, you can hear cheers and laughter coming from your friends

“No thank you, baby. Maybe later”

“Come here”

“Don’t want to”

“No more kisses for you. 3 2″ then you were back in the pool again but this time Haechan was in there with you. Laughing as you watch him shake his hair out of his face, 

“Stop laughing you look like a wet dog” he said as he swam towards you, arms snaking your waist once again. As his lips close on your once again, you can’t help but smile. You’re pretty sure you heard your friends scream but all of that was background noise, it’s just you and him now. 

“How about that? Am I a good kisser now?”

“I don’t know, maybe try again”