#so im really struggling to understand what theyre talking about until i look at the equation and im like

[sometimeswritingsometimesdying]

i am not gonna touch uni work until classes start so help me god. why are these people studying already

[manias-wordcount]

hiya! i really love your writing and i was wondering if you could do something about ramuda amemura w/ a s/o that lacks self worth/is struggling with mental health issues? they would be a lot like him as well, except they put on a lot of different sides for diff people/groups of people, and their true self is still unknown to them cause of the self manipulation, but theyre a rather soft hearted, kind, and insecure person in general. theyve had a long a rocky past, from being verbally/physically abused by parents, to being excluded at school. theyre also quite good at bottling up their emotions as well, so maybe the scene would start in the middle of a silent panic attack? (although he can tell cause mutual trust and dating for a while) if you arent comfy w/ this, i completely understand (its just a silly rq to help me cope im sorry dndbdjdnd), so please dont pressure yourself! ty for your time and have an amazing day/night!

Just Breathe (Ramuda Amemura x Reader)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼!

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚!!! 𝗱𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗰 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗸. 𝘃𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹, 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮. 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

When you feel like you’re dying, you don’t like to be touched. 

  Even when you start to tremble. Even you feel find yourself silently slinking out of the room with your breaths running short and your eyes growing wide. Even as your heart beats and beats and  beats  against your chest as you look for a quiet place to hide away and exist. Even as your vision starts to blur with tears and you become dizzier and dizzier until the second you’re able to fall onto the ground. And  especially  when you start to grow scared. When you start to grow confused. When you start to  choke , you don’t like to be touched. You can’t be touched. You don’t  want  to be touched. You don’t want that to die. But you don’t want that to be the thing that kills you either.

  And yet…

  “Deep breath in…”

  …you still choose to let him in.

  “...deep breath out. And again. Here we go-”

  Most of the time, you could listen to Ramuda talk and hum and sing to you all day long. Oddly enough, this is one of those times. But as you sit on the hard pavement of a random back alleyway in Shibuya, tucked in between trashcans and forgotten pieces of junk, you find that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t focus. You just can’t  breathe . And you’re trying. You’re trying really, really, really,  really  hard to. You want to do what he says. You want to feel better. You don’t want to make him feel worried for you. But it’s  hard . It’s  hard,  and you hate it. You hate it, and you’re  scared . You’re scared, and you don’t want to  die.  

  It’s fear that boils up first in moments like these. Fear that hits you heavy and hits you hard as it overpowers all else in your mind overflowing so, so  much . Anger and Sadness fight to be tasted. Two strong flavors. Two strong emotions. They fight for who is next behind fear. They fight for who is more powerful. In the moment. For all time. But exhaustion? Exhaustion waits its turn. It has laid claim to the aftertaste. Soon it will lay claim to you. And right after? You know it won’t be death. You know it won’t be. 

  But it feels that way. 

  It feels like it’ll be something close to death. It feels like something worst than terror and nightmares itself. It feels that way so, so much right now. That you’re going to die in just a second. That you’re going to gasp on your last exhale. Choke on your inhale. Tears will be streaming down your face, but your body feels too warm, your heart beats too fast, and your body shakes too much, and you’ll  die.  Right here, and right now. With your hands in his. And his hands and yours. 

  You sob.

  “ Shh, shh…it’s okay,”  In an instant, Ramuda is shushing you. Your cries are quiet. You’ve learned to hide your tears well. You knew you would be punished if you did anything else. But that last cry cuts through the air like a knife. It pains you so. It squeezes at your throat with the stress. It squeezes at your heart with the fear. And then before you know it, it swallows up your everything in silence once more. To hide your emotions. To cover up your fears. And to do so much more. “We’ll get through this. We have each other. So breathe with me, okay?”

  You want to. You want to tell him that too. You want to tell him how you want nothing more but to breathe out the same air he fills his lungs with. You want to tell him how you want to follow his every order- his every direction- because you know much he cares for you. You want to.

  But a quiet sob mixed in between a deep inhale is all you can muster. A pitiful sound. Nothing short of a mere hiccup as your lips try to move. They try to make a sound. And when it doesn’t work out the first time, they try again. And again. And again. And again until all they can do is part in desperation to let out another cry. 

  Somehow your abusers of times past have claimed your tongue as their own. 

They’ve silenced you. They’ve silenced you and they’re not even here. They’ve silenced you and they haven’t paid for it yet. For your pain. For your suffering. For their sins. For their transgressions.

  You deserve better than this. You deserve more than this.  Words so easy to say. Words so hard to  mean . You can’t convince yourself of that message. You can’t promise yourself that you weren’t meant to be hurt. But that’s the thing. You don’t want to hurt. You don’t want to die. You don’t want this to be the end. You don’t want to choke. You don’t want to cry. You want to breathe. You want to smile. You want peace, not suffering. You want laughter, not anger. Your happiness, not sadness. But most of all?

  “Another deep breath in. We’ll be okay. I promise we’ll be okay.” 

  You hold your hands in his. He holds your hands in yours. You want him instead. 

  “I’ll do my best to protect you, I swear. So just breathe with me, alright?”

  You want him instead.

   It takes a couple of seconds, but you manage to nod your head, and you can almost  feel  the encouraging smile he offers you in exchange. Somewhere in the blurry mess of your vision, you’re able to see one of the only people to ever matter in your life. He speaks to you gently in this moment. He teaches you how to breathe in the same voice he sings to you in. You still feel like you’re dying. But the feeling is starting to ebb and flow with each word he says. With each breath he takes. Sometimes it’s there. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you’re afraid. Sometimes you’re not. Sometimes you’re happy. Sometimes angry. Sometimes you’re sad. Sometimes you’re a whole lot of things.

  But for now, you’re doing your best to breathe while Ramuda is doing his best to talk you down from the same bridge to hell that you’ve found him traversing on as often as you do. You’re still a lot of things right now. He’s still a lot of things too. But for now, you'll hold your hands in his. And he’ll hold your hands in yours. You have a long way to go to escape all of your pain. A long, long, long way. But if heaven is a place on earth for the two of you to witness?  Well…

  “Just breathe.”

  …you hope he sings you a song as the two of you drag each other along. 

  You hope more than anything. 

[lavellane]

19, 27, 39 for deia, evander and matthas???❤️

LOVE U NETT MWAH MWAH <3

19. What is Rook’s love language? What love languages do they respond best to?

deia's is answered here but for matthas and evander....... HM..... i think for matthas his would be acts of service :3 he struggles with the weight of his whole family being dependent on him, and it makes him stressed and irritable and difficult to relax with. i think someone helping to minimize those burdens and showing him they HE can be taken care of sometimes, and that he can let his guard down around you, would be really quite like profound to him lmao. it could even fix him dare i say.

and as for evander, thats a tough one. i think he'd say physical touch because he's a harlot but i think he's secretly a quality time guy like deia is. in fact id go so far as to say physical touch is not nearly half as important as he thinks it is for him, and all he really wants is someone to go on adventures with and stand by him for no other reason than that they care about him :)

27. When was the last time they cried?

for matthas, the last time he cried was after evander betrayed the inquisition (for solas lol) and subsequently got the entire trio kicked out. AND pissed off ashara, the ONE woman matthas has been in love with for 6 years LMAO. the betrayal of his brother doing that and destroying the one thing matthas had that he loved so much was just devastating.

for evander, i think he cried more recently, just before datv takes place. for several years he'd been estranged from the family, operating as an agent of fen'harel. and then (disclaimer: PURE hc, since veilguard does not address this at All 🙃) solas's instructions stop coming in, and all his agents are essentially left anchorless without his correspondence. evander feels especially abandoned by the man and the cause because he had quite literally thrown away EVERYTHING for this. and he blames himself, because its easier to blame himself than to concede that solas was maybe not the best person to place ones faith in lol

for deia, i don't think she cries too much honestly which may surprise some given how she looks like the biggest babiest crybaby on earth. but she tends to hold it together pretty well. i think she often cried alone in private after missions with the shadow dragons, missions which she completely successfully but completely alone, and so every victory left her feeling hollow and empty until she met up with varric. and speaking of varric - obviously getting into veilguard territory here - i do think after his 😐 injury 😐she would randomly wake up from dreams or even just daydreams to find she had been silently but steadily crying. and not really understanding why but getting this inexplicably urge to go talk to varric in the infirmary until the feeling went away. until act 3 happens and suddenly she very much understands lol.

finally doubling back to evander and matthas. during the events of veilguard they do cry as well and its because . well . imagine youre evander for example, a (former) agent of fen'harel and now a hardingmancer. youre brother is a bellaramancer. your sister is a varricmancer. and you just completed the ghilan'nain fight on tearstone island lol :) varrics dead, hardings dead, bellaras gone, your sister is gone. for weeks. yeah. they cried a LOT.

39. What is their room at The Lighthouse like?

oh this is SO CUTE ARE U KIDDING I HAVENT EVEN THOUGHT OF THISSSSSS im glad we're ending on a happier note after that last answer JKGJKFJGK

deia def stays in solas's meditation room. i think there's smth poignant about her connection to solas. he is the cause of her brothers' ultimate irreparable family breakdown but hes also their one chance at reconciling. and he reminds deia of them!!! theyre lost too !!!! :( so being close to solas makes her feel close to her brothers and vice versa. i think she'd try to respect his space as best as possible while also bringing it to life a bit more. if she found any of his obviously cherished keepsakes she would add her own to his. she color codes his books. she feeds his fish. LMAO.

evander would occupy the music room. he likes secret puzzle rooms bc he is a rogue first and a person second. its a good place to hide, and since he's a bit of a pariah at the start of the game he VALUES a place to hide his face when things get too heated out there. he'd also use it as an opportunity to learn more about solas, to reinforce his rose-tinted perspective on the guy. and hes a romantic at heart!! he definitely would terrorize that lute found on solas's bed and the natural light would help him wake up easier in the mornings.

that leaves matthas, who i think would occupy the top room in the lighthouse - solas's office. he would take it strategically in an attempt to "know the enemy" and would NOT be respectfully about the guys property lmao. i also think it helps that the room is so distant from everyone elses quarters. he feels alienated and out of place and especially being around evander again, he needs a place to come and just be himself for a few hours.

i think its funny that all the rooms are chosen for very solas specific reasons, but as the game progresses and they separating their own personhood from their feelings on the guy, the rooms start to feel more like Them :)

[peri]

suicide tw a little later in the post, kinda heavy, kinda long. sorry i just need to talk about this

i was on youtube yesterday while trying to calm down from spiraling, and before i could find a video i wanted to put on, a 9 year old video my brother posted popped up. it didnt have any more than 10 views. knowing it'd be bittersweet, i clicked.

i was in 90% of the videos he posted. we'd be playing everything together. gaming videos, of course, if you dont know my brother, he's a gamer first person second. but in a well-adjusted way lol. he's like, really good at every game he plays and can beat them really quickly.

on one hand, it was really weird seeing my old self, even in video games. my typing style, the name i used, my character styles, etc. on the other, seeing my brother, young and so close to me, typing slow, awkward... it made me smile.

he and i used to be really close. we'd do everything together. he ... looked up to me. he talked to me. these days we've drifted. we don't ever text unless its a birthday, and then its just to say happy birthday, no conversation. i don't think we've had an actual conversation since i left. but even before then, the last time we really talked was when i was heavily suicidal and opened up about that to him finally. this was in late 2019, i believe.

he was caring, understanding, said he's struggled with it himself in the past, told me everything. and he said he would always be there for me.

it.. broke my heart, one night. we were all drinking, and he ended up getting emotional but none of us knew why. until eventually he started crying and just calling my name over and over. "oh, [deadname].... [name], [name], [name].... [name]! [name]! [name]!" it ripped my heart out, and just recalling it is painful. i knew exactly why he called my name. he was scared. he thought i was going to kill myself, and soon. and to be fair, at that point, i thought i was going to as well. i didn't tell him that, but he knew.

i'm crying lol. no one else ever knew why he did that. but i did. he was drunk out of his mind, so i ended up walking him back to his room and putting him to bed. he made me sit on his bed until he fell asleep. he fell asleep fairly quick, as he was very drunk and out of it. but he didnt want me to leave his side, so i stayed a little longer anyways.

that was the last time we were ever truly close. i wonder if he remembers that.

during my visit back to texas last year, i asked if he was mad at me. if he was ever upset that i left. he said no, he would never hold that against me. which was nice. but it did mean that the reason we drifted was just... for nothing. i mean, dont get me wrong, we'd been drifting for longer than that, the last few years i lived with him, he stayed alone in his room most of the time, and i never knew what to say. he's always been awkward, quiet, anxious, so talking wasnt easy. and i guess growing up made that feel impossible.

he eventually got a girlfriend, after years of me questioning if he was even into the idea of dating and romance at all lol, and she ended up living with us. im glad for her, coz she really turned his life around. but it did mean that i saw him even less. he was occupied with her.

theyre still together btw. his first ever relationship and its been years. good for him.

but anyways... i guess all of this just to say i miss him. i never thought we'd drift. it's hard to think about. hard to acknowledge.

looking back at those old youtube videos made me face that again. he was so young. so happy. so enthusiastic.

he had no idea what would happen.

[spikeinthepunch]

i made a post a bit ago before the reddit black out even happened, talking about how many AI written articles i find when searching for answers on stuff- usually things a little more specific (questions for video games, tech, everyday things but more specific to you, etc. not just "what city is this state in"). its bad- i basically get that or i get reddit threads when i google. and before the reddit black out, i hadnt thought too much about how those AI threads would be.... the only thing left behind if i didnt have reddit. still i watched the reddit black out live, i watched /r/funny go private at midnight. and yet it didnt really hit the importance of reddit until i went on the next day looking for help on a mac laptop i was restoring and realized all the reddits i checked were private. needing mod help for my server, all private. searching reddit for a game i couldnt remember, private.

theres a lot on the internet that needs to be preserved, kept alive, kept relevant. over and over i see people reminisce on old forums and how theyre gone and be brought back- and i think no ones follows through with the format because places like reddit at least fulfill that to some extent. staying with the mainstream is easier and its understandable, bc its relevant and trying to start up your little forum and advertise it isnt easy. Reddit being mainstream becomes the useful google option for a niche forum subject without being a lone forum you probably wont find in typical google search.

and now Reddit isn't available. the most mainstream iteration of those lovely little forums of discussion and support is not available. does it hit now? does it sink in now how bad this is? the past year- maybe even less than a year- has been so so chaotic and bad for the internet. instagram starting turning into tiktok a while back with its changes to feed and format. youtube has slowly followed suit with forcing short's as more relevant for creators than normal videos. twitter did... well, all of That, a lot of Things. Reddit goes along to make their API paid for. Discord turning to the methods on social media, with username changes and more. tumblr is also shifting so much of their entire deal, i think you should all be prepared for tumblr to become unrecognizable too because theres many hints of it happening- some already here.

when i made my personal website over a year ago, it was partially fun but it was a statement for myself too. it was recognition that social media had become unhealthy for me, and i didnt like how it was The thing that existed now, and that bigs corps suddenly taking more and more control of the web was bad and not something i wanted to be stuck with. but suddenly its not just a gentle step to the side i have taken, still knowing i can be on social media to see my friends and build an audience. but now it feels more like all the walls are crumbling around me, and soon i will have no choice but to jump ship entirely. i went from one, to the other, to tumblr where i had always been- the one site that stuck out from the others at least. had an 'old' format. in many ways you need social media.... because its how you made your friends, its how you stay in touch, its how communities get built these days!!

we can try to move back to the independent, the personal sites, the forums, but we all know its not easy. thats truth. its not going to spread as far as we'd hope, many will not follow suit or not know they can. i can only imagine all the old, tech unaware people who will continue to use the internet, never realizing why they struggle to get info or unknowingly follow nonsense AI articles, and have no idea that anything exists outside of the bubble theyre forced into. Not even the old people, but the young generations that will grow into that too and not get out of it.

im just waiting for the mainstream internet to just become entirely unusable from our perspective and its dreadful to me. trying not to be a doomer but i dont think its something you cant ignore when something as simple as googling slightly more specific questions brings nothing but AI nonsense articles or reddit posts and when one of those massive and only relevant sources is down, there is suddenly nothing.

[daedalusdavinci]

spell homestuck

GOD. THIS IS SO MUCH LONGER THAN TWO FACE. i typed too much and theres too many qs so under the cut it goes

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or....... i guess comics, these days, but i HATE READING COMICS they juST HAVE MORE COMPELLING FANDOMS. book fandoms are PUNY nad everyone is STUPID. youd think actual literary fandoms would have reading comprehension and understanding of literary critique but no!!!!!!!!!!!!! its literally my eternal fuckign struggle. somehow comic fandoms hit the perfect medium between compelling, readable content and the enthusiasm of cartoon fans without the childishness of cartoon fans

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

this isnt really a thing i do. the only time i associate characters w songs is my own ocs. barbies theme is miltons tower from the what remains of edith finch soundtrack!

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

i have also never really been one to project myself into stories. its just not how i consume media. i think sollux and rose already closely resemble the kinds of friends i make, so maybe them?

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

(freddy fazbear vc) vanessa.... ive done things, im not proud of.

i dont even know if i want to answer this question bc its so fucking humiliating LKJSNDLFSDNFSDF the truth is yes. i am solely responsible for. a lot. particularly in the pjo fandom. i created several crackships ground up all on my own way back in 2014 and developed a following for them and i. dont wantto tell you what those ships were. LSKJDFNSLDJNSDFSDDF ive also pioneered many ship tags for other fandoms and i ship a lot of rarepairs and stuff but i dont think im RESPONSIBLE for them?? in that some ppl already were into them/talking abotu them or tht theyre still not popular (augh. to the ones that became popular) but i AM liTERALLY responsible for some crack shit in the pjo fandom and its. it haunts me sometimes. i dont want to talk about it. IF YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DID NO YOU DONT

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

this is so vague. my headcanons are shifting and nebulous and aus are my constant companion in everything, but uhhhhhhghhusjkdjnsdg i think. roxy writes the same way dave draws comics. its extremely memey and meta and self aware and largely just for the personal lolz, and were all doing her a disservice by pretending her writing looks like roses, when in reality dirk is probably the one whod make comics the way rose makes books (which is probably why he doesnt make comics). its more of that thing where roxy and dave are the same and rose and dirk are the same ykwim. well YOU dont corvus but im sure someone else does

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

jason takes after bruce in terms of like. adopting entirely too many kids. he broods

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

harvey is a heartwrenching character when written well, with a complicated view of morality, heartbreaking ties to our main hero, and a lot of internal conflict. something about such a hopeful character deadset on making a different in the system becoming a victim of it, and the potential he has as a vehicle for critiquing the law.

percy is my favorite character from pjo bc it was the very first time in my life i ever read a book and saw myself in it. hes aggressive, impulsive, and rebellious, he fidgets and has a hard time standing still, he acts on emotion without always thinking it through, he gets in trouble in school and hands his mom a murder weapon to kill his stepdad, hes just... hes a lot of the things ive always gotten in trouble for, things i couldnt help being, and hes a hero. he means everything to me.

vriska, i will maintain until the day i die, is one of the best homestuck characters- maybe just characters?- ever written. shes dramatic, shes impulsive, shes manipulative and mean and creative, and shes just so messy about it. shes a mean girl in a way that feels real, where her trauma impacts and shapes her as a person, and shes complex, with warring wants, and people she cares about, and dreams, and shes so messy. shes rough and rude and shes doing what SHE wants to, being a version of herself that feels right to HER, rather than some caricature of the hot badass evil lady. shes thirteen!! and she FEELS thirteen. shes a thirteen year old weird girl who is kind of an asshole, and she means literally fucking everything to me. shes a pirate!!!!! shes a swashbuckling badass dressing up in her larping outfit and yelling at her friends on the playground to swab the deck and she is the bestest ever, the end.

i didnt mean for each one of these to be longer than the last but here we are.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

i hate jdedave peace and love it just feels weird as hell to me. dave, for the most part, is hyper respectful of other peoples choices and boundaries but when it comes to jade hes always trying to mke choices for her, to protect her, and it gets to the point where even jade points out how much it bugs her. jades crush on dave also seems to come from a place of misunderstanding to me, admiring a lot of the parts of himself that he exaggerates and pretends to care about as a result of trauma. it always felt like a kid crush that they shouldve grown out of with time. dave also just sort of seems to... go along with whatever romantic relationships people push him into at that age, rolling with whoever flirts with him jsut bc hes trying to maintain the image of a player, so its really hard to take him seriously any time he hits on someone?

that is just my interpretation of it tho

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

well. i havent finished my reread of homestuck, so that feels difficult to comment on just yet, bc im sure ill have a different opinion when i do finish it. no one in dc gets character arc bc theyre all just undone immediately, so thats like. yeah. and in pjo the arcs are pretty weak bc 1) kids books and 2) RICK UNDOES THEM ALL. AUGH. regardless of all of this, i am going to say jason grace. he had a lot of development in like the last two hoo books, or maybe just like.... hints of how he couldve developed? promise? which rick immediately set fire to in toa when he killed him, but fUCKING WHATEVER. UGH.

anyway actually tho eleanor from the good place. bisexual icon. queen. probably one of the best character arcs of all time. the episode w her mom has some of the most powerful fucking dialogue ever and i think about it. all the time. i should rewatch the good place.....

[vamossainz55]

So glad we’re in agreement on the parents topic! 😄

I think those people who hold what Carlos’ parents do against him are mostly the same group of people who hate Carlos on principle, nitpicking everything he does or says 🤷‍♀️ I imagine they want to be bullies in real life but are too afraid of consequences so they resort to social media to live out their mean girl fantasies online where you can say anything without any repercussions (unless you’re a celeb I guess). It’s the sad reality we live in. He gets hate when he’s realistic in interviews about ferrari’s results which somehow means he doesn’t have a champion mentality, but when he says he wants to win - he’s totally delusional. Like, pick a struggle, people haha. Or like drama the other day, that he hasn’t been a Ferrari fan since birth therefore isn’t as worthy of support as Charles. Just all these stupid things that make my head explode every time I see it. Why would anyone waste their time posting obsessively about someone they don’t like? I will never understand.

Again, I’m not talking about all Charles fans of course, just those hardcore stans that dedicate their socials to Carlos hate more than to supporting their fav. I like to believe that in a couple of years they’ll look back on what they were doing and be ashamed and learn to never do it again to anyone, celeb or not.

I also want to say that I’m sad that Carlos barely posts on social media himself but at the same time I hope it means he doesn’t see all this stuff, because when this kind of animosity is directed towards you over the silliest things, I think it’s harder to get over it in a way, because you can’t explain it logically to yourself…

so so glad we are in agreement about the parents thing too, i feel like so many people lose touch of reality and forget that theyre humans who have family, friends, that arent a full representation of them 😫.

you might get me introuble w the whole charles thing but… i agree. some (not all at all) are very questionable. i do think they actively as you mentioned spend more time talking abt carlos then their fav which ? why 😭 (ive mainly seen it on f1twt tbh). like the online hate is ridiculous- i also recently realised its really reserved online? i had this perspective that so many of the tifosi disliked carlos but the whole monza weekend he was so so loved. i was so surprised until i realised its literally a problem that mainly exists online 💀.

but im gonna be honest as well, charles as well gets quite a bit of hate. after monza i saw it increase a bit, which i do not stand for and i think overall that those people online should take their heads out of their ass and focus on bringing their favorite driver up than tearing another one down. you can support your favorite driver without rooting for the downfall of another. can your driver only be good/better if the other driver is shitty? is that the image you want? i also agree anon, they’re probably repressed irl and need to release negativity through comments.

i really miss how active carlos was on social media, im sad that i missed his mclaren era and just posting for fun. ofc we get the occasional post here and there but the vibe is really different. but yeah- at the end of the day it might be better that he doesnt see the hate but at the same time i dont think it changes much bc hed still be online… just not posting as often. im just kind of sad we see less of his personality more than anything else ):

anyways this ended up soooo long hehe. hope it wasnt too much but waa i love these types of discussions

[rat-loves]

cant sleep just yet so im slapping down some hcs for the bebis before i forgor 🙃 might add more later or make another post 🤔🤔

--—--—--

Nico

was an incredibly quiet, but clingy baby- never wailed unless he was in pain or thought hed been abandoned

wasn't much of a crier either, but when he did cry, the only real giveaway was little hiccups and lots of tears, very difficult to hear especially from another room

struggles a lot with his feelings, has no idea what crushes are or how they feel- the first time he liked someone, he thought hed been poisoned and began listing off symptoms (still did not understand even after 'the talk')

again, quiet, and honestly a little awkard, but generally mild-mannered. its hard to get him worked up over something, so he doesnt get into many arguments. if anything, he just stares at someone until theyre done talking 🙃

when he's not feeling well, all he really wants is his dads cooking and hot chocolate, but he has a hard time asking for it as he gets older, since he doesn't want to be treated like a toddler

loves spicy things, can and will drink straight hot sauce if left to his own devices

also eats alot more than most people- thinks food challenges are easy because he's practically a bottomless pit from how much energy his body processes regularly (gabe was absolutely relieved to learn nico doesn't need to sustain himself in the same way he does- feeding himself discreetly was hard enough already)

cat person, 100%!!! he does like dogs, but he thinks cats are cuter and respects that they're a little more work to befriend than a dog

--—--—--

Snowfall

shiver reaper's variant!

snow lost his mom at a pretty young age, so its just been him and his dad for a while now, but he tries his best to live up to her memory

a little gentleman! very polite, but also still a bit awkward from isolation, very open-minded and unlikely to get upset unless someone is being openly disrespectful (very yes sir, no sir type)

also very reflective! he likes to spend alot of time finding pretty places to sit and think for a while, often wonders about his mom and if shed be proud of him and his dad

likes to hum alot, occasionally sings very quietly (its mostly old love songs and little tunes he picked up from his parents- his dad probably hummed him to sleep when he was a baby 🥺)

loves vanilla things- he thinks its a beautiful and delicate flavor and doesn't understand why its considered bland

he's cold to the touch! and when he blushes, its more of a navy blue tone than anything else

practices crafting little permafrost sculptures in his down time- has a tendency to make bear figurines since they remind him of his dad more than owls do 🥺

very curious about other people, but shies away when he's approached at first- he doesn't really get lonely when he's on his own, but he does appreciate the company once hes comfortable

--—--—--

Trick

pumpkin reaper's variant!

a flirty little MENACE, he is full of mischief, hence his nickname- loves to pop out of nowhere to surprise people

definitely a more social variant, loves being around people and observing crowds

considers himself a bounty hunter, but really is just looking for fights and to impress people 😮‍💨

hes half forest witch, so hes got a little power over plants, and loves to sprout seeds in weird places- especially making flower crowns in someones hair (he has been scolded for making a corn maze to the front door before)

loves soups and bread, and while he likes the smell of pumpkins, he does NOT like eating them in any variety- he cant unsee his dad's makeshift head when he tries

absolute favorite treat has to be candied apples! his top pick is granny smith with salted caramel 💕 very easily bribed with it

plays the fiddle! but gets embarrassed if he's not the one to bring it up

won't admit to it, but he loves his dad's horse. he's regularly sneaking that thing carrots and sharing apples with it ✌️

sneaks into taverns, he likes the vibe and thinks drunk people are interesting/funny (his ass is NOT old enough to drink 😒)

--—--—--

Paint

a variant from an au where gabe is still commander reyes/human! he grew up in la!

a little bit flirty, but overall more sure of himself than anything- he doesn't get insecure and likes to socialize with strangers (drives his dad nuts)

he took alot of different martial arts classes as a kid, but the only things that stuck were lessons his dad gave him

very flexible! got into gymnastics and cheerleadering in middle and high school, stretches religiously to stay in top form

prefers pizza and burgers above all else, but likes to have 'dad days' where they go looking for local places and food trucks to try together

LOVES the beach, you have to drag him out of the water when youre ready to go home

his hair is naturally brown, but he wore his dad down enough to get it dyed pretty colors, takes his hair-care VERY seriously and pouts when his roots grow back in- until he realizes thats also pretty cute in its own way ☺️

he picked up babysitting as his first job and once he realized he liked being around kids he started trying to drop hints that he wanted siblings lmao

a little slower than his dad due to the size difference and what the SEP did, but still tries to join him for morning runs before school and work

a huge dog person, has been begging his parents for a dog pretty much since he could talk- desperately wants a lab/german shepard mix, and has researched extensively + made a whole presentation to get gabe on board. (he was always on board, just wanted to make sure it wasn't a phase lmao)

[th3houseofleaves]

thinking about aeron and noah moving back to the states and their first years in school after they move

noah is better with speaking english than aeron is, but he's most comfortable reading in russian. he still struggles because he's dyslexic but it's not as noticeable to him until he's being forced to read all his assignments in english.

aeron can read fairly well in either language (they're still pretty young when they move back to the states so they hadn't gotten that far with their reading journey yet.) they have trouble actually speaking english, despite knowing it pretty well, because unlike noah who spoke both frequently when he was younger / before their mom left, aeron straight up only spoke russian. their dad was around them more during the period of time before they moved to russia (their dad wanted to go home since his life was. basically falling apart. he thought his parents would be understanding and supportive and all that but they genuinely were like No You're A Fucking Idiot And Got Yourself Into This Mess. they were more excited to see the babies than they were their son lmao).

and their mom was trying to use it more bc otherwise talking to any of her sons was HARD bc she only? knew a little. like enough to sort of hold a conversation. and her oldest son could mostly switch between either and had an easier time with it? but still sometimes forgot things or got confused with words or forgot he was gonna ask her something and didn't realise that she didn't totally understand him until she looked at him like ?? & noah. wonderful boy that he is. was just like me and sort of knew both, could theoretically use either but kind of used a mishmash of both languages bc he was so little and sometimes he'd only know a word in one language and not the other and he'd get confused when people didn't immediately know what he wanted. (hidden vash lore, i grew up speaking spanish AND english bc of where we lived & ive retained now of it except the tendency to have a hard fucking time speaking english aksgakvs. it's the only language i remember and im so bad at it)

but getting off of that topic a little.

im imagining noah and aeron sitting at the dining room table doing their homework and noah is helping them bc he's their big brother and that's what he does and he should understand it bc he's two grades ahead and he's done the same work as them before. & aeron, who's only in like second grade maybe, will help noah read his homework bc otherwise he gets really frustrated nd doesn't do it or he gets marked down points bc he genuinely couldn't understand it. nd where noah is being kind loud n happy n everything when he's helping aeron, they get as close to him as possible when they're reading his homework n almost whisper the words to him all soft n slow bc they're Small and Nervous All The Time and it's easier to focus on using english when they slow down and think about it.

idk i think it's rlly sweet that they kinda have a role reversal during this time where aeron is able to help noah out more than noah helps them.

theyre also both very! defensive of each other at school bc people are kind of? mean to them at first. for aeron it's other students mostly, for noah it's teachers.

very funny image of a tiny aeron vasilyev ready to throw down with a teacher that's like twice their size bc they saw them being shitty to their big brother. aeron is the #1 noah vasilyev defender fr

noah has to pick them up as best as he can to keep them from fighting aksgskwbn

it'd be so funny to me if that carried on into adulthood lmao

bc aeron is a little feral and ready to GO at any point but they are also light enough for either of their brothers to carry. they're getting scruffed like a little kitten

[sonny-whorezik]

what really sucks is i wanted to hold out . i understood the situation and i knew they were struggling and i tried to let them know i was here as best i could long distance with minimal contact . but it had felt so Bad just getting maybe Maybe 15 - 20 texts a day it seemed with hours in between the majority while all i know here in colorado are couples who live together and call every day . i would just keep taking myself on errands , to coffee shops , bookstores , parks , ive felt like ive been dating myself towards the end because they just did not have the time for me and i understand why and i was willing to wait for it to pass and just be there for them if they needed me . but it has been hard . i even wrote in my list notebook that by jan 10 if it keeps going on to say something and if the behavior stays the same january 20th then i would be the one to break up for the sake of both of us . i was willing to do this another month and keep giving it a chance

typing all this out does help a bit , just moments ago i was sobbing in my car ; i still have 45 minutes of my break and when this post is over i will likely sob again . i just . idk . i feel like i tried all i could but i keep thinking i couldve somehow done more . like move back to where they live , or create things for them , mail letters again , say good morning instead of replying to last night's message and not hearing back until almost 4pm when my day is halfway over and theirs is just beginning . i wish i told them i love them more

they got nervous when i didnt acknowledge they were excited to see me in february because i was distracted christmas day dealing with my bank i should have told them how much i look forward to it , how it is what keeps me trying to be productive : seeing them in the future . i just had to hold out til february until i felt i couldnt , then it became january 20th as a last resort because i didnt know what to do anymore . i didnt know who they wanted me to be for them, how to be engaged when all they talked about was how hard it all is and how tired they are while i couldnt do a single thing it seemed but text , what could i do almost a thousand miles away ? im sorry i keep posting these i dont know what to do with these feelings and thoughts but purge them and have them acknowledged , whether or not someone reaches out which i dont really want , i think i just want to be heard . i cant tell my roommates due to our unorthodox situation i dont want to hear anything bad said about them from their ex , i dont care what he feels towards them or how he's never been supportive but still has been in my life knowing how involved they have been for my entire adult life . theyre not a bad person , ive never thought of them as abusive or toxic or bad or selfish or all these things people have told me to think when i just wanted to vent and be heard , not hear that they think we're incompatible . and i guess we are incompatible or else this wouldnt be happening . ive told myself this is just a situational issue and not The Relationship but maybe i have been wrong

i dont want that to be the truth . i swear it was just circumstantial , that it just got a little extra hard for a little while but we could get through it and they would know throughout this i would be there for them . i wanted to get them a promise ring while theyve been going through recovery just to give them something to remind them im there for them until the end , however that looks . i will never get the chance to do that for them now , it's too late and i am left just in horror it feels like . im so scared . im So , so scared of everything but ive always had them , now i do not and i know im capable of living without them , but why ? why do i have to do that now ? what could i have done different ? i just feel so , so sorry i couldnt be a better partner and i know they said its not my fault it's just where they are in life , but they didnt seem as sure as i feel about reuniting down the road after we work on ourselves. i just want to throw up but i havent eaten in 24 hours i dont feel hunger or anything but absence and anxiety . cant even listen to tmbg anymore everything i love reminds me of them and theyre not here anymore

[missmentelle]

lately ive been struggling with delusions and i cant bring them up with my current psych because she's really ableist. im not sure when ill be able to get a new psych, but im hoping soon. often im unable to tell that my delusions arent reality and i talk about them as though theyre real, and its starting to upset my friends. im wondering if you have tips on how i could manage this until i get a new psych, or maybe tips on how i could find a psych thatd work for me? i havent seen a new one in yrs

Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re dealing with an unsupportive psychiatrist or psychologist. It’s always very disappointing when a mental health professional holds such damaging views about the people they are supposed to be supporting. 

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to manage delusions on your own, aside from getting on the right dose of the correct medication. It is, unfortunately, not really possible to talk someone out of a delusion. It’s especially unlikely that you’ll be able to talk yourself out of a delusion, as by definition, you won’t be able to tell if you’re in the middle of one. You can try to prevent delusional episodes by keeping your stress levels down as much as possible, but this is not foolproof, and it may be very difficult to avoid stress while you are living through an unprecedented global pandemic/climate catastrophe/economic crisis combo. 

If you struggle with delusions and you don’t have the correct medication yet, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to make sure that the people around you are aware of the situation and know what to do if you start having a delusion. This is a symptom that really takes a team effort to manage properly, and it’s essential that your friends and family know what to do:

Loved ones should be made aware of your delusions, including their common themes. It can be an extremely scary experience for everyone involved when someone starts saying and believing things that are completely detached from reality. Your loved ones need to know that this is something that happens to you sometimes, and they need to know some of the common delusions that they should look for. If you often have delusions that involve thinking there are secret messages on TV, for instance, that’s something your loved ones should know to look for so they can recognize it as soon as it starts happening. 

Loved ones should record the time, duration, intensity and content of your delusions. Whenever you have a delusional episode, the people around you should note down what you were doing when it started, how it started, how long it went on for, how intense it was, and what kinds of things you were saying and doing. This information can be helpful for trying to figure out what - if anything - makes you more likely to have a delusion, and what kinds of delusions you are more likely to have. When you do find a good doctor, this will also be useful information for them to have. 

Loved ones should remain as calm as possible. Delusions are often very scary for the person experiencing them - it is common for someone experiencing a delusion to believe that someone is after them, that they are being monitored by the government or some other large organization, that someone is sending them secret messages through ordinary TV broadcasts, or that their food has been contaminated or poisoned in some way. These are very scary, and people experiencing delusions are often in a state of extreme panic or fear. This is why it’s important for loved ones to recognize what is happening, and remain calm - if they also become panicked or fearful, it will only make you more afraid. To best support you during a frightening delusion, they should aim to be collected, reassuring and soothing. They should speak in short, clear sentences, and validate your emotions - if you seem very frightened, they can simply say “That sounds very scary, I am very sorry this is happening to you.”

Loved ones should not “play along” with the delusions, but they also should not try to talk you out of it. It is not possible to talk someone out of a delusion. Playing along with a delusion is also unhelpful, as it can make the person experiencing the delusion more agitated and even more disconnected from reality. Instead, your loved ones should simply try to redirect you - they should assure you that everything is okay, allow you to express your feelings and experiences, and then try to turn your attention toward a conversation or activity that is less frightening for you. If you are suddenly panicked that all the food in the house has been poisoned and are insisting you need to throw out all the food, for instance, your loved ones should not argue with you, but should simply assure you that everything is okay and try to direct you to another activity, like going for a walk with them. 

Loved ones should try to safeguard you until the delusion passes. The vast majority of people who experience psychosis or delusions never become violent. However, there is a risk of harming yourself or ending up in legal trouble while in a deluded state, and loved ones should take steps to try to make sure you are safe. You should, for instance, absolutely be prevented from driving while in a delusional state. Some people have a tendency to make strange online purchases or book plane tickets while delusional - if that is the case with you, it’s probably best if you be prevented from accessing your credit cards until you’ve recovered. 

If you become a danger to yourself and others, or if your delusions aren’t passing on their own, your loved ones should seek help right away. There are, unfortunately, limits to what your loved ones can manage on your own, and your safety has to be top priority. If you are at serious risk of harming yourself and your loved ones aren’t able to keep you safe, there needs to be a plan in place for how to get you help. If your loved ones can safely transport you to a hospital, that is one option. If they cannot, they should contact your local mobile crisis mental health team, if possible (this is a travelling team of mental health nurses and professionals who respond to mental health emergencies - this service may or may not be available in your area). If it exists, your loved ones all need to have the phone number for that service and be comfortable calling them. If 911 is the only option, your loved ones need to know when to make that call, and they should be prepared to accompany you to the hospital to advocate for your, or to request a patient advocate once you arrive (most hospitals in North America, at least, will have an advocate available - this is a person who knows your rights and ensures that everything is being properly explained to you and your family).  

As far as locating a good doctor goes, I think your best bet is to seek out recommendations from your peers - try to connect with people with similar mental health struggles in your area, and ask them if they are happy with their current doctor. There may also be an organization in your area that can make recommendations - most areas will have a local schizophrenia or psychosis society (or something with a similar name) that may be able to point you toward doctors they’ve heard good things about. If your area has a specific psychosis team or clinic, that may also be a good place to start - they will specialize in your specific symptoms, and generally have a better understanding of how to work with you in a constructive way. 

It’s also important that you start looking for a new doctor right away. Early intervention is critical when it comes to symptoms of psychosis - the sooner you get proper treatment, the better you’ll respond to treatment and the greater your odds that you’ll be able to successfully manage your condition. Although delusional episodes may pass on their own, the underlying condition won’t - without treatment, delusional episodes tend to become more severe and longer-lasting over time, and you may begin to experience other symptoms of psychosis like auditory hallucinations or a severe disruption of your sleep patterns. Early treatment can mean a huge improvement to your overall quality of life, and I really cannot emphasize enough how important it is for you take that step as soon as you can.  Best of luck to you! MM

[prongssmrrcury]

a very bleak christmas

wolfstar fic /// one shot

word count ( 6.2k ITS LONG SORRY)

fluff, not much smut

this turned out awfully long IM SORRY😭 having that said i hope you enjoy <33 ily mwahh

"you ready wormy?" james said, shutting his trunk and looking at his bed and around the dormitory to make sure hasnt forgotten anything. he looked over at the shorter boy with sandy coloured hair who was bending down apparently trying to get something he dropped from under the bed, but struggling a great deal. he nervously shot his head up giving james a weak smile and said "yes, im ready, i just dropped something here im not sure what-"

"just tell moony to fetch it for you while we're away" james said and peter just agreed and left the dormitory trailing after james with his trunk, shutting the door on his way. the gryffindor common room was emptier than usual, but the fireplace was lit with a couple of people huddling around it to shield themselves from the ruthless cold of december. despite this however, peoples spirits were as light as ever as almost everyone was departing for two weeks to spend christmas with their families, even lily evans stopped rolling her eyes every time james breathed, and started spending more time with him and ( to james' great delight) enjoying his company. speaking of lily, she was standing by the fireplace with her hair up in a ponytail with a furry winter cap on her head. james noticed her at once and made his way down the flight of stairs and tapped her shoulder softly, she turned around and gave him a warm smile, a short hug followed.

"happy holidays james!" she smiled so widely it watered james' eye. she called him james, not potter.

"happy holidays" he managed to respond, taken aback by the sudden affection she just showed him. she looked around furrowing her brows slightly then spoke, "wheres your trunk? have you not packed?"

"oh no i have! i left my trunk with peter to um, you know, come and say hi" he said the second part of the sentence quietly, she let out a soft laugh, god he just wanted to kiss her so bad. "wheres yours?" he asked quickly. she turned around slightly to show him her trunk which was standing behind her, tapping it twice.

"alright then, lets go down to breakfast, minnie wouldnt want us to be late" he told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the common room with him. he looked back at peter who was struggling with his own trunk and james' but peter just shot him a thumbs up as if he got everything under control.

"alright wormy, dont be late" he muttered. the pair of them walked down from the gryffindor tower to the entrance hall and right to the great hall where elaborate christmas decorations were encapsulating the place, giving the entire castle a more homey vibe. the four house tables were emptier than usual, james and lily made their way to the gryffindor table where they were met by a handsome boy with long hair that he managed to scruff in a very messy pony tail, and a taller boy sitting across him who seemed to find his buttering his toast to be a very intriguing activity. lily and james took seats next to them.

"morning" sirius spoke, looking at lily then at james.

"morning sirius, how are you" lily replied, who also began buttering her toast. sirius didnt respond right away, instead he eyed her then finally spoke, "oh im, im very good" it didnt really seem like it, sirius didnt seem to be in his loud, arrogant and flirtatious mood today, instead a rather dull and quiet one. lily looked at james silently trying to understand what had caused the sudden change in sirius behavior, she was met a mere shrug from james. the four of them sat in silence for the next ten minutes, no one breaking silence that seemed to have swallowed them. remus then looked up for the first time and sighed loudly, which made sirius look very attentively at him, waiting for him to say anything.

"im gonna go, im in the dorm if you want me pads. enjoy your holidays james, you too lily" he said lowly, also clearly in a dull mood in contrast to everyones mood right now. he got up and left, shooting them a weak smile before disappearing out of the great hall.

sirius watched him so closely even when he had gotten out of sight. it was common knowledge that the pair are in love and clearly fancied each other, almost everyone in school knew that. maybe its because of sirius' shameless attitude, cuddling with remus in the common room, sitting on his lap in the middle of the great hall, or pushing remus against a wall and just stand in front of him doing god knows what. the only problem was... neither sirius nor remus knew they liked each other. they obviously knew they had a different relationship than anyone else but they were so oblivious to the fact that theyre in love that it sometimes made james just want to scream it in their face.

"you okay pads?" james said mockingly, sirius had been staring at where remus left for at least ten minutes completely transfixed, he came back to his senses at once and looking abruptly between james and lily then back at his doughnut, fiddling with it slightly. he then shot james an alarmed look and said, "dont call me that james". he spoke so firmly, he knew james knew this is what remus calls him. no one was really allowed to use that nickname with him, even he and james who had a light hearted friendship that was basically based on jokes and pranks, sirius pronounced the words looking into james' eyes, which made james know he was being one hundred percent serious. james didnt respond, feeling a rush of guilt in his stomach, he just took a bite of his oatmeal.

"how are things with you two" james asked. sirius once again didnt respond right away but instead took time to ponder his answer.

"what do you mean how are things"

"you know, have you guys had a row or anything?" james asked, stuffing more oatmeal in his mouth.

"oh- um yea no. not really no" sirius hesitated a bit. the truth is that remus and him didnt have a row, but today was one of these occasions where sirius woke up finding himself on remus' bed not knowing how or why. it had happened a couple of times before and when it did, remus would immediately smile warmly at sirius and pamper him with kisses here and there on his cheek and his jaw. however, today, remus woke up a bit more shaky to the fact that he was in the same bed as sirius. he straightened his pyjamas quickly giving sirius an awkward smile and leaving without a word.

james dropped his oatmeal and looked at sirius looking serious for the first time, giving him a smile that carried something between sympathy and support.

"are you ever going to tell him?"

"tell him what" sirius said bluntly

james smirked. even lily suppressed a knowing look. sirius rolled his eyes.

"you guys are not onto that bullshit the whole school talks about right?" he asked cringing slightly.

"if the bullshit includes you and remus being blindly in love then yes" james gave a small laugh.

"literally blindly" lily mumbled, but sirius heard her and gave her a look.

"guys- hes my best mate"

"doing a lot of canoodling with your 'best mate' ?" james smirked rolling his eyes.

"first of all, what the fuck is canoodling james, this isnt the eighteenth century" he ppinted out the weird choice of wording.

"whatever, point is, people dont sleep on their 'best mates' chests every day padfoot" sirius opened his mouth to protest but james cut him again "just save your breath will you. im trying to help"

sirius sighed heavily burying his head in his hands and shaking it.

"i dont fucking know what to do prongs. fuck ugh i hate this so much why cant it be simpler" sirius' voice got weaker.

"mate just talk to him, remus cant read your mind. and its pretty obvious the feelings mutual" james tried to convince him.

"i dont know if hes into- you know, into me" sirius tried to explain. sirius had come out to the entire school three years ago so it was common knowledge that was gay.

"oh he is" lily said

sirius blinked.

"i mean, i spend a lot of time with him in our prefects meetings and in the library and stuff" she explained. sirius blinked again.

"i mean" she began again, "he talks about you an awful lot and seems to be quite fond of you" she smiled.

"look, you'll never know if you dont ask" james said again. "look at me, i had to ask lily out at least fifteen times-"

"james what the fuck this isnt the same, why are you even comparing it" sirius interrupted

"oh of course its not the same, but communication is key, no matter what the relationship is"

"yea and when i ask him out and he just says i misunderstood all his soft affectionate gestures, then stops hanging out with me because im gay and he would know i have feelings for him, that clearly arent mutual. i'll just ruin everything, and i'll lose probably the only person that likes me in this lousy world" sirius spilled, laughing bitterly.

"sirius! you know remus would never stop hanging out with you because of that, you know it!" james said, his voice getting a bit louder.

"yea but it'd be a sticky situation when your gay friend has feelings for you" sirius said, his eyes filled with tears that he wiped right away hoping james and lily didnt see that.

"sirius.." lily said lowly

"lily can you please check up on peter and help him if needs any assistance" james told her firmly, she didnt need telling twice, knowing he wanted to be left alone with sirius. she made her way out of the great hall until she was out of sight, then james look at sirius again who had his head buried in his hands once again.

"sirius i dont know whats gotten into you today, but you know damn well that neither moony or i would ever think of you any differently because you're gay. stop saying that as if its something that hinders you" this was one of the rare occasions where james was serious and firm. he wanted sirius to know meant every word that left his mouth. at this moment he heard a sniff followed by a weak sob.

"james, i sometimes wish i wanst- wasnt, you know, gay" he managed to say between sobs. james' face fell suddenly.

"no dont say that. please dont say that, you know we love you the way you are and we dont give two damns if you're gay or not" james got up and made his way across the table to sit next to sirius rather than in front of him.

"you're me best mate, i dont like seeing you like this. i love you a lot sirius and nothing your little overthinking brain comes up with could change that" he said, pulling sirius into a hug, so hard that he mightve broken a few ribs. he wasnt gonna let go before sirius does, he could stay here all day until sirius was ready to let go. he heard strong sniffs and felt his chest going up and down. sirius broke the hug after a few minutes, looking a lot more content than he had a few minutes before. james gave him his usual cheeky smile.

"your fucking snout sirius" james laughed, picking up a handkerchief trying to clean his shoulder.

"fuck off" sirius managed to laugh, sniffing again.

"thank you" sirius said quietly

"come off it, dont thank me" james smiled at him. he watched him grab a cigarette and right when he was about to light it with the tip of his wand james stopped him hesitantly. james never really liked to mother him about smoking or give him lectures about the effects smoking had, but he noticed sirius was eating less and smoking more the past couple of days. sirius shot a "what-do-you-want" look to which james responded, "um, can you please just eat something before you smoke" james said. he knew this was a touchy subject, he never liked to mention it but they were alone and he knows he's the only one sirius would listen to. sirius gave him a hesitant look, before stuffing the cigarette back in his pocket.

"just for you prongs" he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his doughnut. james however was filled with so much joy seeing his best friend do that just for him.

"what are you smiling so much at you prat" sirius said between bites. james shook his head softly before saying, "im very proud of you sirius, i hope you know that" sirius smiled and laughed dismissively at that statement, james knew it touched him but sirius never really knew how to respond to affectionate words.

"you're very sappy you know that" sirius laughed slightly.

"whatever" james felt his cheeks go red. "anyway i have to get going before i get minnie mad on christmas" he said, getting up, swinging his backpack on his back leaving the hall.

"tell moony i say merry christmas" james called, leaving the great hall also disappearing out of sight.

~

later that night, james and lily departed home to spend the upcoming weeks with their families to celebrate christmas, so did most of the school. as homey and welcoming as the school felt, everyone loved going back to their family, everyone except sirius. sirius was never fond of his family, he never had a good relationship with them and all they did was make him more miserable, he would take any chance to be away from them. sirius was sat in the library that was emptier than usual (but the ceiling was enchanted to fake snow) he was sitting with two giant books opened in front of him, yellowed by age. he looked over at the books, he hadnt read a single word despite being here for nearly an hour. he came here in an attempt to distract himself from the intensifying amount of nerves and stress, however, he was so lost in his thoughts that not even that gigantic book can save him from his exhausting overthinking. he sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder, shutting the books that made a loud thud and put them back in their place. sirius swung his backpack on his back and left the library making his way to the gryffindor tower. he just wanted to sleep. yes, sleep, thats what he needed. he went through the fat lady's portrait and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, finding remus sitting on his four poster bed completely engulfed by a book. remus shot his eyes up the second he heard sirius walking in and gave him a wordless smile, going back to his book. sirius' stomach did a funny lurch.

"i was starting to think youve forgotten your way around the castle" remus said, flipping the page of his book, still reading it. sirius looked at him nervously, not sure what he meant by that.

"what?" sirius asked, he was going to take his shirt off and get in his pyjamas but stopped abruptly. he didnt wanna make remus uncomfortable around him, especially after what happened this morning. they always had a very intimate relationship though, changing in front of each other was never a problem. remus suppressed a chuckle which made sirius look at him, unsure what he found comical in this very intense atmosphere.

"you can take your shirt off if you want sirius" remus said, still poured into his book.

"how can you even see me?" sirius couldnt stop himself. remus looked up from his book and gave him a is-that-even-a-question look. sirius slipped his undone tie, unbuttoning his buttons his fingers shaking horribly for a reason he didn't understand. he knew remus was looking in his book (not that he didnt want remus looking) but he still felt like all the worlds eyes are on him. a couple of awfully long minutes passed and sirius finally was in his pyjama and got into his bed under his blanket and stared absentmindedly into the wall. remus flipped the page once again, he hadnt read a word on the previous page. how could he? he was so preoccupied by sirius changing in front of him. remus did freak out when he found himself on the same bed as sirius this morning. he doesnt know why he freaked out the way he did, its not like its the first time. he knew that this had made sirius extremely self conscious the whole day, he was wearing a very dull look. he had to make up for his unexplainable actions, he cant stand seeing sirius this upset, especially if he was the reason hes feeling like that. he couldnt stand seeing him in such a bad mood on breakfast this morning that he had to dismiss himself early. but sirius' loss of his loud flirtatious attitude was what stirred the pot for remus. he didnt walk in the dorm and try to slip in bed with remus, or get a kiss from him, or remotely try draw any attention to hismelf from remus rather than that book in his hand, which was as un-sirius as one can get.

"why were you late?" remus asked sirius, knowing hes not asleep. sirius mumbled something inaudible from his bed that remus didnt catch onto. remus furrowed his brows slightly. he shut his book and put it on the bed side table, the sound he made when he shut his book made sirius shift in his bed to face remus who was staring back at him.

"where were you?" remus asked

"in the library" sirius said simply, avoiding any sarcasm or any joking around. remus face wore a surprised expression.

"oh- by your own will?" he said with a breathy laugh.

"yea" sirius replied

"what were you reading?" said remus, sounding excited. sirius didnt exactly know why he wad being interrogated by remus about his absence.

"um, i was just doing homework"

"oh, thats actually nice pads" remus smiled. sirius' stomach did another flip at the nickname. god this was so awkward and tense, sirius thought.

"sirius are you mad at me?" remus said, going straight to the point. every muscle in sirius' body went tense and completely still.

"no" sirius said bluntly.

"sure?"

"yea"

"okay. great then. um do you wanna come lay here with me?" remus offered, this was quiet foreign for remus as it was never him who initiated anything sexual or intimate. but he was willing to go out of his comfort zone for sirius. just for sirius.

"uh- sorry moony im really tired" it pained sirius to say these words, if he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to lay in remus' chest right now and give him soft pecks and kiss his stupid plump lips.

"oh, okay" remus said lowly. "okay then" sirius wasnt sure what he meant by that tone, and before sirius has any other second to think about it, he felt his bed dip slightly and remus climbing on him, placing himself on top of sirius with his legs wide opened around his waist. sirius felt like all the oxygen in the world had escaped his lungs.

"tired, you said you are pads? want a little massage?" remus cooed softly. he leaned down on sirius' chest undoing his pyjama buttons revealing his tattooed chest.

"remus-" sirius tried to stop him. sirius promised himself he wasnt going to do anything like that with remus because he doesnt want to make him uncomfortable or possibly hate him more, however, this is different. its remus thats initiating it. it remus that did it.

"what pads?" remus continued cooing softly, completely stripping sirius of his shirt and attaching his lips on sirius' neck. at this exact moment, sirius moaned louder than he intended. he shifted slightly in his bed and put his hand through remus' hair. remus continued nibbling sirius' neck. he bit and licked at all the right spots, leaving a soft trail of kisses all over his neck and made his way up to his chin and on his lips, where he left a soft peck. sirius however pulled remus' head back towards him to kiss him properly, remus licked sirius' bottom lip which made sirius moan approvingly into the kiss. remus slipped his tongue in sirius' mouth and deepened the kiss, he felt sirius' hand wandering around his shoulder and slipped in his shirt to touch his bare skin.

"god this is so" remus moaned breaking the kiss only to attach his lips on his once again.

"remus-" sirius stopped him abruptly. remus looked down on sirius, his eyes mobing fast between his godly features, furrowing his brows slightly not understanding why sirius stopped him. did he make him uncomfortable? was sirius really not in the mood and remus overstepped a boundry? remus felt a horrible tingling feeling in his stomach as his brain raced between all the possibilities.

"remus im sorry- i cant do this" sirius said, as soon as the words left his mouth he felt horrible, reading the shocked and bewildered expression on remus face, he looked very hurt and unsure of himself.

"oh- fuck okay im sorry" remus said quickly, getting off sirius and leaving his bed, but sirius held his arm to immobilize him and not make him leave. they stared at each other for a few seconds that felt painfully long. both of them felt confused, upset with themselves and unsure of what to do or say next.

"can you please stay" sirius said quietly avoiding remus' eye. remus didnt respond which made sirius feel a horrible pit of nerves in his stomach.

"i- i don't understand. you just asked me to stop and told me you cant do this" remus spoke lowly with a soft rasp in his voice. sirius buried his head in his hand, he was on the brink of tears, he honestly didnt know what or how to explain his confusion to remus. how could he explain it or put it in cohesive words when he himself didn't understand.

"sirius please talk to me" remus said softly, holding sirius' hand

"rem i dont know how-"

"do you trust me?" remus cut him off.

"what- yes of course" sirius said sternly.

"then please tell me how you feel"

"how i feel about what?" sirius asked

"about doing this" remus tried to explain, sirius knew at once he was referring to all the sexual stuff they do.

"remus i love it. i enjoy it a lot, i sometimes just want the day to end only to get in bed with you. i- i dont know how to word my feelings because it's honestly just all a mess inside me" sirius spilled. this was the most he'd spoken all day. remus smiled at the last sentence. "what about you?" sirius asked, feeling the same horrible pit of nerves in his stomach increase. remus however smiled.

"i do things for you pads that id never do to anyone" he said, smiling more. he leaned closer to sirius' face and brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. "but, if you feel unsure about this, we can stop and just be friends. i'd completely understand"

"no what the fuck moony" sirius said before he could stop himself, remus looked in his eyes. "no im unsure about your feelings to me, not about my feelings to you" he tried to explain.

"you think i dont like you?" remus asked quickly.

"well not exactly but im not sure how you feel towards me". at this, remus leaned down to kiss sirius lips a soft and tender kiss. he took his time to savor every bit of his mouth he could.

"maybe this would give you a good idea about how i feel about you" he smiled at him. "we're both exhausted, its best if we just go to sleep"

"right okay. can you sleep with me?" sirius asked, remus gave a breathy laugh at his sweet request.

"yes darling i can" he said with his usual rasp apparent, getting under the blanket and spooning sirius playing with his hair for the the next foreseeable hours until both of them were sleeping.

soft sun rays illuminated through the window of the gryffindor tower and on the entire hogwarts grounds. the translucent curtains that were in the dormitory were not doing any shielding from the sun rays whatsoever. it fell gently on the two boys that were sleeping together, tangled together, their bodies almost intertwining so perfectly with each other as if they were jigsaw pieces. sirius' head was on remus' chest, remus hugging sirius' body towards him and their legs just tangled. they looked so peaceful, their chests raising and going down every couple of seconds, it was all so perfect that one could confidently bet that even their heartbeats were in sync.

an owl came knocking its beak on the window above the bed theyre on, breaking the gentle yet majestically peaceful the state they were in. sirius shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes to find uninvited sunlight penetrating right through his eyeballs. the owl made another knock on the window trying to grab their attention.

"fine okay" sirius said rasply, he got up sitting upright opening the window for that stupid owl that interrupted his sleep. the owl had two parcels tied on its leg. sirius untied them and the owl flew out at once.

"whos that from?" a raspy voice spoke he immediately knew it was remus.

"um, i think its" he turned the parcel around to see if there was any name, he smiled when he saw the senders name.

"yep, its from prongs" he said looking at remus who also smiled warmly.

"well, we'll open it later, lets just get up quickly now before we miss breakfast" he said, sitting up right and sliding his legs out of the bed. the two boys changed into their normal clothes. remus got into a hand knitted sweater and pants, sirius also got into a baggy sweatshirt and sloppily tied his hair up.

"pads is that mine?" remus smiled looking at the sweater sirius was wearing.

"maybe" sirius replied with a cheeky tone.

"course it is" remus rolled his eyes. "you literally have the biggest closet out of all of us, yet youre never wearing your shit" sirius gave him a weird look.

"not that i mind it darling" remus said softly, playing with sirius' hair slightly. they both left the dormitory and walked down to the common room with the intention to leave to the great hall, however they were met by a small table that was put in front of the fireplace with breakfast food laying on it. they looked at each other exchanging weird looks.

"there was no point of making you leave the common room only to go down and eat when its only you too in the whole school" professor mcgonagall's voice spoke. she was sitting on an armchair wearing her usual green dressing gown. "well anyway, im going down to have breakfast with the rest of the teachers. you two have a merry christmas" she smiled slightly and left the common room.

remus and sirius were just left there standing stupidly in front of the food table.

"well, i guess we're not leaving. sit down lets eat im starving" sirius said sitting himself down and starting to eat toast. they both ate until they were full and just laid on their armchairs to take their breath.

"wanna open the parcel prongs sent?" remus asked after ten minutes of silence.

"uhh sure" sirius said, getting the parcels, handing remus one box and he opened the other one. he tore the wrapping and opened it, a smile breaking on his face.

"he got me a wand polishing set. oh and look, he got me some hair bands" remus laughed a little. sirius put the hair bands in his wrist.

"what are you laughing at, i love it" sirius smiled "what did he get you?"

"he got me part six of 'crows or crowns'. its my favorite book and he knows i couldn't find that volume anywhere" remus' face wore a very big smile from that present. "oh and look! he got me a vest, it's beautiful"

"i'll be wearing that" sirius said at once

"of course darling you can wear it whenever"

"remus open my gift!" sirius said with so much excitement, remus held the huge box wondering what he has inside. he stared at sirius before opening it, unsure of what will meet him when he opens it. his suspicion grew larger when he was met by a cheeky smiling sirius.

"its not gonna blow up in my face right?" remus laughed a little

"only one way to find out" sirius shrugged

"oh god" remus joked. he opened the box and the first thing he saw was a big box inside labeled 'book polishing kit' remus' face fell with shock.

"sirius! sirius is this a book polishing kit? oh my god" he was gasping. sirius felt his cheeks burn by the fond expression on remus' face.

"holy shit pads where did you get this, these are so rare and expensive" he held it close to his face examining it with so much excitement.

"shhh its a gift" sirius was kind of embarrassed fora reason he doesnt know. "theres more stuff"

remus looked inside the box and laughed out loudly when he saw at least a doesnt bars of chocolate.

"what are you laughing at! this is the muggle chocolate you told me you like" sirius said flustered a little.

"yes yes i love it" remus smiled. "thank you"

sirius shrugged, not knowing what to say in situations like this.

"um, right open my gift" remus said looking nervous. remus' gift was something a little different and not very expected, he spent a lot of time thinking whether its a good idea or not. hes so nervous for sirius to see it, he felt his stomach lurch so badly he might vomit. he handed sirius an a4 piece of parchment that was folded into quarters. sirius gave him a confused yet excited look.

"are you giving me your transfiguration homework as a christmas gift moony" he joked.

"oh shut up and open it" every fibre in remus' body was screaming in anticipation and nerves. sirius unfolded the paper and read:

"dear sirius,

i am writing this in the dormitory for the fifteenth time at least. i thought so much about this and decided that its perfect. six years ago when i laid eyes on you for the first time, you had this aura that carried so much charm, something about your stupid gorgeous personality was so seductive and made me in complete lust for you. there aren't enough words in the english language to explain how you make me feel, nothing will come close to describing how i feel when you slip in bed with me every night, when i play with your hair, when i hear your heartbeats, when i hold your hand and stroke it with my thumb, when you kiss my scars, when you sit next to me in class sit there looking pretty doing nothing. i came to the conclusion that every little thing you do has me in utter awe. no one has ever made me feel like that, for a long time i was so confused as to why and how you could do that so effortlessly. i was confused about how i felt about you for so long, i was so confused about myself, and you helped me come to terms with who i am, by being so unapologetically you. at the end of a hard day you're always there to cheer me up, even in my darkest days, when nothing felt like it'll be okay ever again, you're always fucking here to change that. the number of times you've saved my life sirius, i couldnt tell you, by just merely being here. i figured that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, i want to always be with you. i never want to see that day i have to depart you, i dont ever see it coming because not even the strongest force from the gods above will make me leave you. im in love with you. im so fucking in love you idiot. im in love with the way you talk, the way you tie your hair, the way you dress, the way your eyes crease when you smile, your bark like laugh, your stupid jokes that i find funny unironically, your chirped nail polish... just in love with you. so sirius, this is me asking, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

sirius read the letters at least three times to make sure he wasnt missing anything, to make sure he was reading it correctly. was remus asking him out? was remus actually in love with him? none of this felt real. sirius felt like he's seeing stars in his vision, like he was going to pass out any second right now. he looked up at remus who was staring attentively on him and watching his every reaction. he met eyes with him and felt like all the worlds oxygen was being drained.

"so?" remus asked, his voice quivering.

"so?" he repeated as if this was a incredulous thing so say, " fuck yes i wanna be your boyfriend" sirius threw himself on remus on his armchair and splattered him with kissed everywhere he could reach.

"i never thought id be the lucky person to actually end up dating you" sirius breathed

"please, im the lucky one here" remus rolled his eyes.

"i mean hell yeah you are" sirius said sarcastically.

the pair of them spent the rest of the day sitting on the armchair cuddled up with the heat of each other, sharing soft intimate touches every now and then. they spent the whole day in peace and delicacy and made the most out of each other’s company. soon enough before they knew it, the holidays were over and students were returning to hogwarts for their second term.

“hi remus! hey sirius, good holiday? how are you two?” james showered them with questions enthusiastically when they saw him come in the gryffindor common room, he seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

“yea, great holiday” remus mumbled finding himself an armchair and sitting in it. the rest followed and sat on armchairs around him but sirius sat on his lap which remus scooted over a little to make space for him. james and lily looked at each other rolling their eyes playfully but happy that theyre on good terms, unlike the last time they saw them.

“what about you two? and you wormy? how was ur holiday” remus asked calmly, playing with sirius’ hair absentmindedly.

“great we had a great a time, i invited lily and wormy over, wormy couldnt make it though. but lily and i had fun, my parents liked her a lot” james smirked looking at her. “obviously they knew her because i always talked about her to them, but they’ve never really- woah WOAH” james’ speach was cut abruptly when he saw sirius attach his lips to remus’ and remus kissed him back fondly. they all exchanged shocked looks but they werent too shocked, they knew something was happening between the pair of them.

“woah guys” james laughed as they broke the kiss apart and giggled at their reaction.

“yea um, remus and i are dating” sirius said, lookinh flustered slightly. remus was still playing with his hair softly.

“does that mea we can go on double dates?” james said at once

“james potter i am not going on double dates with you and sirius thank you very much” lily said sarcastically.

“suit yourself, james and i are going on dates” sirius shrugged

“james and you are what-“ lily looked confused but cant help a laugh.

“thats right evans” sirius said in a dignified tone.

“dont you talk to my girlfriend like that black!” remus said at once. they all laughed at the sitiuation but lily said with a serious voice, “guys im so happy for you, youre finally together” she smiled wamrly. remus and sirius scooted closer next to each other smiling back at her.

“really proud of my mates” james said, trying to keep a serious tone but smirking at the same time.

[dead-thorin]

i have so many thought about it but cbs ghosts sucks lol

the acting did get better over the first season but Jesus. I skipped episodes bc i just didnt care about what the plot was going to be for some. Thor and Flower are just the stereotypes from their era which is just... bad writing. Like flower was separately in a cult and a commune? Man pick a struggle. I understand that people did those things and did drugs and yada yada, everything she's got going on people did back then, but it feels like they did that because they wanted to make her interesting instead of actually exploring why and how people did those things.

Honestly Trevor is a stereotype too and he just... doesn't really grow I feel like? Again skipped around so maybe im wrong but I get it, he's sexist, he parties, etc etc. I didn't know Isaac was supposed to be closeted for half this season and then I looked it up and I'm just like???? Idk that's not how I did shit when I was closeted so I'm comparing it to that. I don't like how they wrote about Hetty's era because they just made it too direct. "Oh women shouldn't vote theyre small minded, they shouldnt go to college" like yes write about those things, but make them more subtle? She just directly says those things like what? She mentioned once about how children can see ghosts until like age 5 and then by 6 theyre off to the mines, like that was a good throwaway.

Honestly, my biggest pet peeve is that these characters are just... flat. Like I simply don't care. They don't really grow, the writers barely showed their dynamics and how they interacted with each other before sam came into the picture, and when they do there's no depth. Like Thor sang to hetty when she was a child (which was about violence bc haha get it??? VIKINGS!!!!) and I guess it was supposed to highlight that he was hurt that they were no longer close, but it just felt not that deep. Esp when you consider that it's been at least like 150 years. Like if they had shown how he's tried throughout the years to reconnect with her, sure that would've been good, but no. Also apparently Isaac and Hetty had been friends for that long as well and I just didn't really get that.

Robin from the BBC version is a caveman, but he learned to play chess with julian. He knows about fire and about new technologies, he fucking speaks English for God's sake. It's hard for the ghosts because the previous resident didn't have technologies, like tv, but he changed with the times in those small ways that isn't as apparent then when they all experienced those changes (like using a laptop). And I really wish that type of thing was shown in the CBS series. Like if Thor had tried to learn to play chess or cards or some shit with Hetty to try and reconnect with her. Pete and Isaac and Flower talk about camping in the woods and what makes a good campsite. Crash and Alberta discuss music. Like it wouldve shown the dynamic between each other and how they adapted to modern times. Also really mad that like Pete's schedule for the day is mentioned like once and that's it. In the BBC version it demonstrated that they really lived with each other and befriended each other and that could've been used in this series.

The headless guy (aka Crash) also showed up the first episode and that was it. Like in the BBC one, Humphrey isn't always in the episode, but he's there enough and there was an episode revolving around him. Why show off brand James Dean and then never talk about him again? Like at least have the characters ask about him. "Oh where's crash?" "I think I saw him in the attic". Which btw, I didn't know his name was crash, like I had to look it up bc again, they straight up just dont talk about him.

I don't like the main couple. At this point I doubt Jay knows Sam's name because he just calls her babe. And, idk, it feels like they knew each other for a few months and then eloped. Like idk how to describe their dynamic, I feel like Jay definitely supports her, but she isn't giving back as much and then sometimes I feel like he doesn't believe that she sees ghosts? Like obviously couples have problems at times, but the resolution is just them being oh ok its fine, and then never talking about it. It just doesn't seem like a good dynamic and they dont have conflict. The conflict they had in the DnD episode was so bad. She lied about what the ghosts said and like that shouldve broken the trust the ghosts had with her, but everyone brushed it off. Jay, I feel like, shouldve been way more pissed off bc that was his friend group that he lost and he really loves DnD and found another group, and then she was selfish enough to do that? And then its brushed away? Man, come on lol

Some of these actors were... a choice to make. I dont like Isaac's actor for that role. I think he's a good actor, but eh. I don't like Thorfinn's actor maybe? Like I just don't like the character because he's loud and violent and, again, just a stereotypical viking, like tone it down, we get it. He plays the stereotype well, I guess?I don't like Sam's actress, she was good in iZombie, but this aint it. Jay is fine I guess? It's like Thor where it might just be the writing, idk. I do really like the acting from Sas and Hetty, they're pretty good. Pete and Alberta's acting also got better over the first season and I like the storyline about Alberta and her trying to seek fame, I actually thought that episode was pretty good. I also do like the Isaac/Nigel thing going on, I just wish their relationship was explored a bit more and it demonstrated them being better friends outside of their daily walks.

I know the first series is like rough because theyre trying to find a rhythm, and I want to give season two a shot, but Jesus Christ. I honestly do not understand why it has such good reviews, i really dont.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

did i hear that someone needs some cute n soft kakagai scenes to think about????

imagine them sitting on a bench together (theyre taking a break from training or something) and kakashi slowly scoots closer until their legs are touching and kakashi is kinda panicking internally and trying to convince himself to hold gai's hand

imagine kakashi coming home for the first time after moving in with gai and finding his partner singing and dancing while doing the dishes and it should be dumb and annoying because it's off key and gai has no sense of rhythm or grace, but goddamn is it adorable

imagine gai meeting team ro and just deciding to take them all home for dinner to meet kakashi's new little teammates. even tenzo can see the lovestruck way kakashi looks at gai and the smile on his face.

i am sending you so many hugs rn and im here if you want to talk about whatever happened or whatever things are happening

Kakashi doesn't understand a lot of things when it comes to Gai.

Why is it so hard for him to reach out and take his hand? Gai is always hugging him so this should be easy

Why isn't he irked when Gai sings off key and dances around their kitchen, but instead finds himself standing there watching. Falling a little more in love and wondering what he ever did to deserve a man like this in his life.

And gosh is it a struggle for him when Gai decided that he wants to know all of his team. That he needs to make friends with the people who are going to have Kakashi's back in the field. It's in that moment that Kakashi really realizes that someone out there values him. That they love and appreciate him

And he can't imagin his life without Gai in it.

[babiekeiji]

Can i request how bebe kenma reacts to finding out his s/o is pregnant a month before they graduate from college and how the high school volleyboys (his fave group of ppl 🥺) react when they find out? 😚 thanks!

(this was actually really difficult to write but hey!! i love the challenge :) enjoy!!)

Kozume Kenma reacting to his pregnant s/o

Kenma doesn’t really get hyped of over little things

I guess your relationship trope with him would be endless ball of chaotic energy and very tired “regretably, that is the love of my life” man

You don’t exactly hint at being pregnant so fast because, well, you’re literally about to graduate; there’s only three weeks left until your final semester in college ends

So at this point youre struggling to finish schoolwork ryt, nd youre with a bunch of your friends and theyre talking about how their periods just come at the wrong times, especially now that its end season

And you blink

Now that you think about it—your period’s almost a month late

When you get to your dorms you call Kuroo immediately (because really—would you think Kenma would like to know straight up that youre pregnant)

Also because Kuroo’s part of your lil childhood besties trio

“Bitch i think im pregananant”

“WHAT!!!!!!!!!!”

“Yeah can you drive me to the store i need to buy a pregnancy test...and maybe a vodka”

“Shut the fuck up you are not drinking with a whole lil human inside of you. I’ll pick you up ar 4”

So you buy the shit and follow the procedures

You’re in your dorm, right outside of tje bathroom with Kuroo sitting on the couch, keeping time of the three minutes set to end

His timer goes off, and the pounding in your heart just increases. You and Kuroo look at each other, and you’re ready to cry

“You’ll be okay,” he reassures, “Kenma will love you just the same.”

With that confidence you step into your bathroom with your eyes closed, blindly feeing for the test on your bathroom counter until—

You open your eyes.

Positive.

You just start crying then and there—you don’t know whethwr to be happy or sad

You’re mostly happy because MAN you have a lil mini kenma and you freeloading inside your womb

You laugh at the thought of a mini kenma

“KUROO!!” You call, and he rushes to the bathroom

One look and he understands, and he hugs you right away

“He’ll still love you no matter what,” he says, “I’m sure of it”

“I hope this baby just doesn’t grow to be so attached to games just like their dad”

“I still can’t believe the two of you had sex”

“KUROO??????”

You tell him on that same night

Kenma’s a little distressed at the thought of having to take care of a child

But he’s still very happy, nonetheless

He cried

And then Kuroo cried because he saw Kenma crying

And then you cried because Kenma’s crying and Tetsu’s just bawling and

Yes

Kenma initially said he’d respect your decision of keeping it or not

But when you mentioned that you would because it would be a reason to spend your whole life with him,

He broke down

Not always outward with his emotions but pulls you into a hug this time as he cries

Always making sure you’re doing well everyday

Brings you your weird snacks

Calling you nd bringing you to your doctors appointments

Come the day of graduation your belly’s a lil swollen at this point; maybe not enough to tell that you’re pregnant but enough for people to notice that you’ve “gained weight”

At this point every one of his friends know; lev, kuroo nd yaku being the most supportive of them all

After graduation the five of you would sometimes just laze around on the couch

Kenma loves to sleep with his hand on your stomach

Sometimes when you’re lying on your side he’ll kiss you between your shoulders and hug you real tight

Starts to read pregnancy books

“Do you want our child to be tall?”

“???? I want our child to be happy”

“Kuroo would love to hear that. Of course we want our child to be tall. He has to match Kuroo’s height at least”

Kenma just cant believe it

His own lil family with the person he loves the most, with all his best friends with him all the way

What a dream

[firemblem-fics]

SFW alphabet. | seteth

-> Pairing: Seteth x GN!Reader

-> Warnings: None

-> Genre: Fluff, Headcanons

-> A/N: this was chosen by a poll on my discord server except i gave no context in the poll so this is for y’all :) also uh im sorry if i’m not active in the next week, i rlly just had the absolute worst nervous breakdown ive had in a long while LMAO so uh ya might stay away from the internet for a while

warning, long post.

A -> Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

with seteth, affection STAYS private. it will never ever be displayed out in the open, especially not around the students. he prefers to keep personal relationships out of professional life

when he does show affection, though, it’s super slow and gentle. he always hugs you from behind and just sways side to side, pressing little kisses against your temple and cheek while you lean i to his embrace and close your eyes.

B -> Begin (How did the relationship begin?)

it didn’t really have a solid beginning. you just kind of wormed your way into seteth and flayn’s hearts unknowingly. when he asked to court you, you were super super hesitant because you didn’t want to replace his late wife. he assured you that she’d want him and flayn to be happy and that she’d 100% approve of you.

you still have your doubts, but seteth is always there to reassure you.

C -> Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)

cuddling is saved for nights or early mornings on a day off. seteth is always itching to get up and get things done, so it’s a little on the tougher side to get him to stay. eventually he caves and lays in.

you cuddle facing each other, your head tucked underneath his chin and his legs entangling yours. his hand that lays underneath you plays with the ends of your hair while the other rests gently on your thigh, which is hiked over his hip.

D -> Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

seteth’s thoughts rarely every go astray, but when they do, he imagines what life would be like, just retiring from the monastery and living a nice life with you. he’d like to settle down eventually, but not any time soon

he’s super good at doing his part in chores and duties! of course he is, but he’s very very reliable and does things when asked. it’s nice

E -> Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he would sit you down and explain his reasonings and such. it hurts him, definitely, but he does well at hiding it. until you leave his office, that is.

F -> Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

not any time soon, as said earlier. seteth really will not stop his obligations towards the monastery and to fodlan. he wouldn’t have time nor would he want a very extravagant wedding, either. a simple ceremony would suffice.

G -> Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

physically, seteth is the epitome of a soft, romantic man. his touches make you melt and he’s always trying to keep you comfortable and happy. if you’re content, hes content.

emotionally, not as much. seteth has trouble sympathizing with some things. he’s used to pushing his feelings aside for the sake of fulfilling a duty or doing something, so he struggles sometimes to understand why someone else can’t do the same. give him time, though, and he’ll get better at comforting

H -> Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

seteth’s hugs are firm and warm. they’re always like a passionate embrace, as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch you

seteth really enjoys hugs and physical affection with you, but as i said earlier, it’s always behind closed doors. sometimes he calls you to his office just so you can sit in his lap while he holds you.

I -> I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

NOT fast. seteth is kind of in denial that he even had feelings for you at first until flayn pointed it out, so it’s rather hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he loves you.

he does say it first though, as you’re half asleep, making you wonder if you even heard it correctly. you did.

J -> Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

seteth doesn’t get jealous, really. there’s really nobody around to even like, make him jealous. he knows that a bunch of weird ass teenagers like sylvain aren’t going to actually come in between his and your relationship. honestly, most people in the monastery probably don’t even know that you’re both in a relationship.

if he is jealous, he stays relatively nonchalant about it, asking you to help him with a task somewhere else to take you away from the person

K -> Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

seteth’s kisses are very loving and passionate. every single one of them are full of adoration, even the little pecks. they never fail to warm up your entire body as everything melts away around you

he loves to kiss your neck. not just for more intimate reasons, but because he absolutely adores your giggles as his beard tickles your skin

this only happens when your relationship has been going on for a while, but seteth really enjoys it when you kiss his ears. they’re super sensitive and they always tinge as red as his cheeks when you kiss them.

L -> Little Ones (How are they around children?)

seteth is super good around his own child, of course, but he doesn’t so so hot around other children. theyre often too rambunctious for his liking, but he’ll tolerate them enough to entertain them sometimes.

M -> Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

three words. soft, soft, and soft

you usually either wake up in the same position that you fell asleep in, or you’re spooning. seteth’s always the big spoon, no acceptions. if you’re spooning, he kisses your shoulders and the back of your head until you wake up enough to turn over and give him an actual kiss.

N -> Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

also soft, but a little less.

seteth is always so busy during the day that when he lays in bed, he falls asleep almost instantaneously. if you want to stay up and talk or cuddle, he’ll try his hardest, but please don’t be upset with him if he accidentally dozes off. he’s a hard worker

O -> Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait to reveal things slowly?)

this depends on who you are. if you’re the professor, you more than likely already know everything by the time you get in a relationship with him

if you’re not, then he trusts you enough to catch you up on most things in the early weeks of your relationship. sometimes there’s a little tidbit that he may have forgotten to mention in the talk that comes up later on, but that’s really it

P -> Patience (How easily angered are they?)

seteth has the patience of a saint

hehe

but no, literally. very rarely does he get irritated or impatient with you. you know how he is and know how he likes things to happen or be done, so you do them. kind of like in the Domestic headcanon, he does his part so you try your hardest to do yours. he doesn’t ever have a reason to be impatient with you and is actually rather understanding now that he knows how you function as well

Q -> Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

seteth remembers everything. literally everything. you’d think in his 1000+ years of life, he’d be an old ass man with shit memory, but no. to seteth, you and flayn are his number one priority and he’d never forget a thing about yall.

R -> Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

seteth’s favorite memory is when he accidentally walked in on you hanging out flayn. you two weren’t doing much other than reading and talking about your books, but it warmed his heart to see his two favorite people bonding

S -> Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

insanely protective, but like in things that matter. if you’re doing something that could get you hurt, he’s in defense mode trying to get you to safety. if you’re in battle, he’s sure to always know where you are just in case.

he’s not one to appreciate being protected- he feels like he failed to protect his people in the past, so to be the protected instead of the protector makes him a little iffy- but he’ll always admit that he needed the protection and will always show his gratitude

count how many times i said protect in that second paragraph wow

T -> Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

seteth is romantic. he’s not much for physical gifts, but the memories and sentiment and feelings are so real and present that you really don’t need material things to know that he loves you

of course he does give you gifts, like a pretty bouquet of flowers that he saw in the greenhouse, or a necklace or something from the market that reminded him of you

U -> Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

seteth tends to forget to slow down and take a break every once in a while. he’s constantly finding tasks to do around the monastery and doing things to help rhea that he often neglects his own well being. you always remind him and try your best to help him out, but he never really breaks that habit

V -> Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

seteth is rather concerned about how he’s seen in the public eye. how could he not? he’s a very prim and proper man. this, however, doesnt extend to you as much.

he doesn’t expect you to dress up to the nines every day just to be seen around him or whatever. he may be like “darling, are you sure you want to be walking around the monastery in your pajamas?” but the minute you’re like “hell yeah” he lets you be.

W -> Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

this is a tough one, because i feel like seteth would do just fine on his own and would still feel relatively whole. but there would always be like this tiny little sliver of him that constantly misses you when you’re not around

X -> Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

seteth has a secret, super playful side that only comes out when you’re alone in your shared bedroom. he likes to play wrestle you and mess around just to hear your laugh and see you smile.

Y -> Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)

in a partner, seteth wouldn’t really like someone who’s obnoxiously loud and blatantly disrespectful. it’s one of his biggest pet peeves and he wouldn’t date someone like that.

this doesn’t pertain to people who like, don’t realize their volume or is disrespectful to someone who deserves the disrespect, though. he doesn’t like just overly rude and jnconfiderate people who are like that for no reason

Z -> Zzz (What’s a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

seteth is the lightest sleeper in the history of the world. he’s always on guard for something to happen. i dont blame him, but sometimes even the littlest bumps in the night wake him up almost completely. don’t ever try to sneak out of bed because chances are, he woke up from you just opening your eyes.

if anything, this habit becomes even more prominent when you start sharing a bed with him. he’s just afraid of losing you is all 😃