#so idk where she falls on the terribleness scale

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

[azrielsdove]

Requesting rhys x reader

reader has an eating disorder that rhys thought she was passed it. She tries to hide little things from him like wearing baggier clothes cause she’s losing weight. Once he has suspicions he starts making her meals but she just says she isn’t hungry or she already ate but he keeps pushing her to eat so she does. But he catches her in the bathroom throwing up after. He’s really angry at first but then just wants to help her stop so he peels food labels off everything, never leaves her alone, she can’t go to the bathroom by herself. He gets rid of scales and mirrors. Idk I’m just really feeling a super over protective /controlling rhys rn

Okay, this is not exactly what you asked for, but I really struggled to get too dark with it. I have definitely had this feeling before, and I couldn’t bring myself to write it as serious! I still wanted to do your request, knowing that sometimes it helps to see struggles like this in stories, and see them overcome it. I hope you still enjoy this, it is a little short but sweet I think. Please let me know!!

***

Beautiful Girl

Warnings: Negative body image

***

You looked over yourself in the mirror, admiring the way the dress fell on your body. It was tight, sheer, and sexy. You knew you looked good, having fought hard to get to this level of acceptance. You turned to the side, tracing your hands down the material. You were truly beautiful.

Cassian walked into the living room where you were still standing in front of the mirror. He whistled, the sound causing you to turn your head sharply. You smiled, spinning slowly for him. “Damn girl! You look hot.” You laughed, throwing your head back.

“Don’t let Rhys hear those sort of words come out of your mouth.” You chided, a smile on your lips. Cassian’s eyes looked affectionally over you, ever the flirt. His stare caught on the sheer paneling over your stomach, a teasing smile on his face.

“Guess I will need to up your training, get some abs on that body of yours!” He laughed, turning to sit on the couch to wait for the others.

You stilled.

You knew the words were a joke, hardly even anything negative. The small, terrible part of your mind suddenly started up, picking out all your imperfections as you looked on the mirror. You felt self conscious in this dress now, an embarrassment to Rhys. You had halfway decided to go change when he appeared in the room, walking over to you.

“My beautiful, perfect love. You look ravishing.” He sent a wicked smile your way, pressing a kiss to your lips. You couldn’t help but think about his hands on you waist, on how your body must feel under them. He noticed your hesitation, eyes catching yours. “You okay?” He asked quietly, worry filling his face. You forced a smile on your face and kissed him again.

“Never better.”

***

It had been a few days since Cassian made that comment and you were falling deeper into your mind. You would stand in front of the mirror before your baths, nitpicking every part of your body. You stopped wearing your normal tight revealing clothes, instead opting for loose and big. You even sized up in your fighting leather for training, allowing the looser form to hide your body.

Rhys noticed, of course.

He didn’t understand what had caused you to start to fall down this path again, when you had been doing so well. You hadn’t had any issues in years. He didn’t want to ask, knowing it would send you into a further spiral if he brought it up.

Instead, he took it upon himself to rid the house of anything that would hurt you. You woke up one morning to find all the mirrors were gone, Rhys acting like they had never existed. You found one of his shirts and a pair of loose trousers left out for you, slightly better than what you had been wearing. When you went to find Rhys in the kitchen, you found him with two plates of food for the both of you. He started making all your meals, showering you in compliments, leaving comfortable clothes out for you.

You finally broke at breakfast a few days later, overwhelmed with his actions. “Why have you been doing this?” You demanded, arms crossed in front of you. Rhys paused for a second, looking up at you.

“Doing what?” He asked, feigning innocence. You rolled your eyes and let out a long sigh.

“Rhysand,” you began, “the mirrors are gone. You’re making my meals, picking out my clothes. Why?”

There was a long pause.

“I noticed. How you were looking at yourself. Sizing up your clothing. I saw you in here sitting in front of a plate of barely anything, hardly touching it.” He stood, coming over to you. “This is not the first time i’ve seen this in you,” he spoke softly, “I know the signs.”

You remained silent, face flushed with embarrassment. He had caught you so easily, so quickly. “I- It just got bad again.” You whispered, looking down at the ground. Rhys cupped your face in his hands, bringing you back up to look at him.

“I know,” he said, “It isn’t always going to be easy. Lucky for you, I will be by your side to help you through.” He gave you a cocky smile, drawing a laugh from you. You leaned up and kissed him, love flowing through your body.

“Thank you, Rhys. For always protecting me, even from myself.” You noticed a faint blush on his neck at your words, smiling to yourself. Even after all these years, your words still affected him like that. He pulled you into a tight hug, holding you close.

“Can I ask what spurred this? To try to prevent it from happening again?” He asked, pulling away to look at your face. You debated not telling him, knowing Cassian would surely suffer. Unfortunately for him, you could never hide anything from the High Lord, your love.

“Cass made a comment the night we went to dinner, about ‘putting some abs on’. It wasn’t even an insult, just a joking tease about training. It hit me wrong I guess, sending my mind back into that dark hole.” Rhys’ eyes flashed with anger at your words, his arms holding onto you tighter. “He didn’t mean anything by it!” You assured, not wanting him to unleash his full wrath onto the General.

“I’m sure he didn’t,” Rhys said coolly, “but he needs to learn to be more careful with his words.”

***

You didn’t know what Rhys had said or done to Cassian, but the next day he was on his knees in front of you, dramatically begging your forgiveness and showering you in apologies. You laughed at him, pulling him up to his feet. “No hard feelings, Cass.” You assured, giving him a hug. “But maybe think before you speak next time.”

For the weeks after, Rhys continued to make your meals and lay out your clothes. His outfits slowly got tighter and more revealing, allowing you the time to sink back into your skin. He showered you with plenty of compliments in every one, making sure you smiled everyday. He assisted you in training, helping you get back to strengthening your body, not harming it. You began to feel confident again, even admiring yourself in the reflection of the window one night. Rhys had caught you standing there, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. “Beautiful girl,” he murmured, kissing your neck softly. You leaned into his touch and looked at the image of the two of you, the power and love you exuded.

You were strong, powerful, and beautiful. Rhys had only pushed you to see that truth once again. You were the one that allowed his love to push down the darkness, instead of letting it swallow you up like it had before.

***

[bisluthq]

my bf’s ex wife tried to get into a physical fight with the (female but super married) friend he asked to be there as like a witness and to calm things down (guess that didn’t work) and the joke was the ex’s affair partner and new bf was the one driving the truck picking up her shit lol. Like even if this had been some random bitch he’d fucked the night before and wouldn’t leave idk how his ex wife thought she had the moral high ground while the affair partner was waiting to drive her shit away. People are fuck nuts lol.

Man I hate his ex wife even though I don’t know her!!!

lol so do I. It’s also not a “wow all his exes are crazy” situation yk because 1) he doesn’t think that at all and is friends with most of them tbh like it’s just the ex wife that’s batshit in his mind 2) I wouldn’t date someone who thought all his exes are crazy because that would make him the crazy one. But this woman was and probably still is a total fucking nightmare lol and idk what he saw in her. I’ve tried to ask and he’s never made any meaningful enough point beyond like “she’s very pretty” (I’ve seen photos and guys the hot/crazy scale there is still not mathing for me like she’s pretty but in a regular normal way like this woman isn’t Angelina Jolie or anything) and “I thought I should get married at some point” (which I guess I relate to but him saying that totally turned me off my own reasons for marriage which had been that pretty much and good on me for not marrying someone that insane lol). Literally every story about her is better/worse than the next tbh. I’ve never had him tell me a story about her where I’m like “oh cute I’m sorry that ended” even on the like two occasions he tried to tell me “funny” stories about them after I’d asked like what he had liked about her and I still by the end was like “💀 dude what the fuck!????? She did WHAT!??????”

Also the other day he told me - this is related to the subtle cheating convo I think because it was like the same day - that like she’d told him he “made” her cheat by being so terrible and he was like “and I mean I can be difficult I know” (and he can be) and I was like “ya so then you LEAVE lol u don’t trip and fall into like 8 separate dudes’ beds while making ur supposedly shitty bf to look after your dog and three cats” (also I think this may be where a lot of that weird dog thing might come from because it was her dog but he did like all the work and when he kicked her out - justifiably because again like at least 8 affairs and then she went straight from their place to her latest one and he did become her bf - she left all of them with him, so I think he had war flashbacks with the house and garden and my mum’s dog here and me and all the cats yk lol).

[cocoartistwrites]

I love your stories they are just so good!! They make me want to fall in love asap !!! Are you going to write more Tomione? If yes, what would it be about? What are your favorite Tomione fanfiction?

Thank you! I don't know if I'll ever really revisit Tomione on a grand scale, but I have promised @highgaarden I'll do Tomione professors for her at some point. It's on my to-write list.

I'll share my recent favourites, because I've read three excellent ones this year I really recommend. I rarely read Tomione but I do have old rec lists floating around.

1. Madam Umbridge's Home for Wayward Girls by LovelyVillain (idk if they have tumblr?) COMPLETE

Hermione’s life takes a dark turn after the death of her parents, leaving her at the mercy of a tyrannical Matron. Her new home is more prison than sanctuary, haunted by ghosts bearing terrible, bloody secrets. And though she is surrounded by troubled young women, it is the men in her life who teach her that freedom comes at the greatest price of all.

Victorian AU, Tomione, Dramione, no triad

This fic is an absolute monster, but it's brilliant. All the author has to do is change the names to get it published because it's already so AU, but they've very generously put all 700-and-something-thousands words up for free. Legendary stuff.

2. Birds of a Feather - babylonsheep WIP

In 1935, Hermione Granger meets a boy in an orphanage who despises fairy stories, liars, and mediocrity. He offers her a deal of mutual convenience, and soon a tentative friendship forms between them—if Tom would ever lower himself to call anyone a "friend".But whatever they have, it's something special, and if there's anyone who can appreciate Specialness, it's Tom Riddle.1930's-40's Childhood Friends AU.

I'm v late to the party one this one because I didn't really read Tomione for a long time during and after writing unsphere. But this is a genre-defining masterpiece that often explores similar themes to unsphere the stars but in many cases does them better. The only bad thing I have to say about it is that it's unfinished and hasn't been updated in a while, but I was torn between awe and seething jealousy for most of it so HONESTLY give it a go anyway if you haven't.

3. take the bit between your teeth by but_seriously (@highgaarden) WIP but updating atm

It starts at Professor Slughorn’s first party at the end of the first month of their first term and it’s because Harry, miraculously, comes out first in Potions.

Riddle calls it a sudden … predilection, and he only has a tiny curl at the set of his mouth.

Hermione calls it cheating.

She thinks Riddle would be more inclined to agree if he didn’t have his perfectly-polished Prefect badge stuck so far up his arse.

This is the funniest Tomione you will ever read, written in a universe where Tom is at school with Hermione, Ron, and Harry, but most of what he's created still happened anyway. It's set then-and-now as two absolute idiots come to the realisation they've been in love the whole damn time.

PLUS: a different type of Tomione. 

4. In the Bleak Midwinter by TheLoud WIP

After escaping from Merope in London and fleeing back to Little Hangleton, Tom Riddle had thought he was free of witches. He wasn’t expecting yet another witch to turn up on his doorstep. This one seems different, but she too smells of Amortentia. Can he trust her when she tells him that she has brought him his baby from a London orphanage?

This impeccably presents the argument that Tom Riddle jr might not have got magic from Tom Riddle sr, but he got a hell of a lot of other stuff. It’s absolutely brilliant. Witty with great world-building and complex characters - just my cup of tea. 

[kingandfireheart]

I don't know if this is a trope or not but I was wondering if youve any recs for books where the girl hasn't been with any one before/knows very less about s*x and then the guy comes along and he shows her what she's been missing? Like with casteel and poppy!!

Hi nonnie!! I've got some recommendations, but I'm also asking my mutuals to chime in . [Mutuals, please advise with recommendations!]

FBAA is pretty high on my smut scale - the sex is described explicitly and there's some kinky shit happening. A lot of YA books I've read have a bunch of build up and then will fade to black when it comes to actually intimate scenes. (I'm assuming you're familiar with the The Folk of the Air Series by Holly Black and the Throne of Glass Series by Sarah J Mass ).

Here are some books (mostly new adult or adult genre) I read recently that may fit what you're looking for:

[I mention virginity in these, just to answer the question properly, but I just want to put it out there that it is a social construct and sleeping with people is not something that indicates character. idk how old anon is, and I don't want you to feel any pressure to read about/have sex until you're totally ready. I'm the mom friend, I had to include the disclaimer. Come talk to me if you have questions. I promise I'm nice.]

Smut levels are based on taco bell sauce packets so in order: mild (not a lot of detail), hot (detail but I can probably keep a straight face while reading), fire (my apple watch is telling me to breath because my heart is racing).

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston is a modern romance (with some time travel), where the MC is a 23 year old bisexual virgin who meets a girl on the train and falls in love. The writing in this book is excellent, and a lot of the more intimate scenes are mentioned in passing, but August does have her world rocked. [smut level: medium]

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova is an arranged marriage Hades/Persephone fantasy romance, where the MC hasn't been kissed prior to the start of the book. She is whisked away to marry the Hades character, and spend a lot of time learning about magic. This isn't a smutty book, but the few love-scenes are satisfying and fun! [smut level: mild]

Radiance by Grace Draven is an arranged marriage fantasy romance and features one of the healthiest relationships I've read in a long long time. The MC is not a virgin, but didn't enjoy her prior experience, and the first love scene is really well done. The whole book is wonderful. [smut level: like 2 scenes but they are hot]

The Mistake by Elle Kennedy is a modern college romance, where the girl is a virgin, but isn't completely inexperienced prior to the first intimate scene in the book. The guy is a veritable player, and knows exactly what he's doing, but is a bit emotionally constipated. The whole series is about a bunch of white college roommates [they play hockey at a fictional new england ivy league school] who start the series as major players and end with steady girlfriends, so it's not unpredictable at all. They are terrible, which obviously means, I love them. [smut level: fire]

The Deal by Elle Kennedy is a part of the same series (it actually comes before the Mistake). Same general premise: college hockey player who is allergic to relationships convinces girl in his ethics class to tutor him. Shenanigans ensue. I don't want to be too spoiler-y, but I feel like I have to explain why I'm including it here. [TW mentions of past rape and physical assault] The MC is not a virgin, but has struggled finding physical pleasure in past relationships, because she was raped several years prior to the start of the book. The first few intimate scenes are really earth-shattering for her (in a good way), because she's able to work through some of her struggles. [smut level: fire]

The Dare by Elle Kennedy is a tangentially related book (its fourth in the second set of books about hockey players at the same university). It's about a college hockey player who is known for his fuckboy status, and a plus sized-sorority girl, who end up fake dating. Conor is dealing with imposter syndrome after he transferred from LA to escape his past, and Taylor is just trying to escape her sorority sisters relatively unscathed. Shenanigans ensue. Essentially Conor tries (and succeeds) to seduce Taylor, and she finally feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable with him. [smut level: fire]

Shatter Me by Tareheh Mafi is a dystopian romance about a girl who hasn't really been touched her whole life, and so all of her romantic/sexual moments are a bit life-changing for her. [SPOILER: she doesn't have sex until the third book]. This series is a piping hot mess, and while the writing is gorgeous, the actual plot (especially books 4-6) made me want to pull my hair out. If you read this series, I recommend you end with Ignite Me, unless you really love the characters. [smut level for book 3: medium]

Kingdom of the Cursed by Kerri Maniscalo hasn't been released yet, but I KNOW this book is going to have Poppycas AKOFAF vibes. The first book, Kingdom of the Wicked, is about a witch living in Italy who summons a hell prince to help her solve her twin sister's murder. There is one steamy make-out scene, but the sequel is supposed to be written for the NA genre, and include a lot more intimate moments. The sneak preview of the first two chapters already has some steamy scenes! [smut level for book 1: mild, book 2: i'm aspirationally saying fire]

If anyone else has recommendations, please reply to this post and help anon out!!

Recommended by mutuals:

The Roommate by Rose Danan (recommended by @noonewhoislikeyou) [link to book description because I haven't read it] [update I read it and this whole series focuses on sex workers and is really good]

Anyway, thanks for coming here and asking me! If other people send recs, I'll compile a list for you!

[cotccotc]

┈┈ 𝐬𝐤𝐳 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 *:･ﾟ

✩ ot8 reaction headcannon, 2.5k words (eek sorry)

✩ genre/s: **fluff**, humor, established relationship, ot8 x gender neutral!reader

✩ warning/s: MOBILE TUMBLR HATES ME (some gifs & author’s note might not appear),,,, my terrible sense of humor/commentary, a couple of them are suggestive if you  s q u i n t

✩ a/n: idk if the concept makes any sense but it does in my mind \_( ‘-’ )_/ also seungmin’s part is the exact same kinda similar to a brief scenario in my txt soobin “brightest blue” fic... but it’s fineee. also i’m sorry that some are longer than others! enjoy :))

chan:

chan is definitely extremely interested in the music you listen to.

in fact, sometimes he’d probably insist that you show him your current playlist from start to finish lol.

i can imagine y’all hanging out at the dorms, maybe even mid-cuddle, listening to some of your recent favorites.

but there’s this ONE SONG--

your absolute JAM

you get up from your seat or the bed and start completely jamming out.

he stays where he is so he can watch you have the time of your life.

i guess nobody told him you’re a professional lip syncer… awk...

you grab a hairbrush and hold it up like it’s a microphone.

honestly you’re thriving,,

he’s kinda stunned. not in a bad way, but he’s just so mezmorized by how cute (and maybe a lil sexy) you are when you dance like no one’s watching.

there’s a particularly awesome beat drop toward the end of the song, which leads you to do some equally awesome head banging.

he’s cackling at this point, which drives you to act even sillier.

*ending pose*

once the song ends and you’re trying to catch your breath, he slowly starts clapping for you.

“the song was great, but the performance was even better,” he’d say, coming off a bit sarcastic. but he means well!

you start to get a bit self-conscious and shy as you put yourself together again.

he’ll try to comfort you, standing up to wrap you in a hug.

“don’t be embarrassed!” (cue soft chan),

“baby that was awesome”,

“you should join a rock band!”, etc.

overall, he’d love it when you share your music taste, and this event will probably set off a chain reaction of similar jam sessions in the future.

minho:

ok so we all know minho’s a cat person, blah blah blah...

but what if you got super excited about a really cute dog?

let’s say you’re on a walk at a park, holding hands, and talking.

all of a sudden you see someone walking their dog…

and when i tell you this is the cutest, tiniest dog on the face of the earth,,,

you immediately stop walking and squeeze minho’s hand. you point to the dog and start freaking out because it’s so cute.

he’d say something silly like, “what are you talking about? it looks like a rat.”

you disregard it because you’re just so excited about this puppy!

“can we pet it?” you ask.

“... fine” he replies, smiling at you, despite his attempts to act uninterested.

y’all go over to the woman walking her dog and ask if you can pet the puppy. when she says you can pet him, you immediately sit on the ground, ready to have the best puppy playdate of your life.

minho’s still standing, watching you with loving eyes.

of course, you start talking to the puppy as if he’s a baby. minho laughs, trying to stifle all the uwus emanating from his heart

the puppy climbs onto your lap and licks your face just a little bit.

you look up at minho with wide eyes, saying “awww, isn’t he so cute!”

he’d playfully roll his eyes because why would he cheat on cats like that…

then you tug on his hand, motioning for him to sit with you. he does, reluctantly.

you place the puppy on his lap to see what happens.

the dog loves him! (of course, because what living thing wouldn’t love lee minho?)

the puppy is licking minho all over as he makes faces of disgust and struggles to pull him away.

you laugh out loud, happier than ever at the two very good boys in front of you.

he smiles again, completely endeared with your excitement despite being covered in puppy spit...

so, it doesn’t matter what kinds of animals you two prefer, since you’re the cutest thing he’s ever seen. (aww)

changbin:

i feel like changbin is the type to not be ashamed of/shy about showing you the songs he’s writing.

...except for right now.

he just got home from the studio, dropping his bag onto a table… but some papers fall out.

you attempt to grab the papers, but changbin stops you and grabs them himself instead with a subtle hint of nervousness.

pretty suspicious if you ask me.

“what’s up?” you ask, a bit confused about what just happened.

he’d try to play it off like nothing suspicious was going on, but you know his poker face.

it’s too cute not to notice.

he likes to play all tough but you (and everyone else tbh) know him better than that.

you go to grab the papers, but he steps away. you try again… and again, and again, and again.

you become increasingly more frustrated and impatient with each attempt, until changbin holds them up high in the air where you can’t reach them. he has a look on his face that says ‘haha! gotcha!’

you’ve never done this much jumping in your life.

but you’re not a quitter.

“okay… i give up,” you say, returning to a stationary position and placing your arms around his neck.

however, just as he lowers his hands to your waist, you snatch the papers!

“AHA!” you exclaim.

all he can say is “damn it!” as you scramble to the couch with the papers in your hand. you sit facing away from him, attempting to speed-read the lyrics sprawled across the pages.

he follows you to the couch, trying to take the papers back from behind.

“binnie, these are so good!!”

“thanks… but were they worth betraying your innocent boyfriend?”

“yes. every word.” you finally hand him back the papers with a smirk.

he’d curse under his breath, ditching the papers in favor of tickling you instead.

what a terrible punishment!

hyunjin:

we all know hyunjin is a drama queen,,

you can be a bit of a dramatic person yourself (who isn’t?).

so when you lose your favorite sweater, you’re immediately going on a wild goose chase around the dorms, because that’s where you had it last.

you’re practically talking to yourself. double checking everywhere you’d been. retracing your steps like a mad person.

you need this sweater!!

you let out a little “urgh!” as you begin getting frustrated.

hyunjin would ask what’s wrong, and when you tell him, he’d GASP.

he’d be like:

“have you checked under the bed?”

“the couch?”

“what about over here?”

“over there?”

this boy will not REST until the sweater is back in your possession, wasting no time in matching your level of concern/dramatics...

… if not exceeding it.

y’all have practically torn the whole room apart at this point.

until finally, you find it in a random drawer (of course smh)

“I FOUND IT!” you’d exclaim, flopping onto the bed and putting the sweater on,

to which you’d receive a “YAY!” in return

tired and leaning against a wall, he’d say something like, “thank GOD! now, why do you need it so bad?”

and you’d simply and softly respond, “... i got chilly~”

he wouldn’t give a verbal response, but his face would go from relaxed to ‘bruh’.

you knew he’d be shocked at your statement, but you choose to tease him instead with a smile.

he would then opt to tackle you in the bed, fumbling with the covers and vowing to make you as warm as humanly possible.

jisung:

jisung definitely loves showing you the music he’s been working on, just like changbin.

except… this time, the lyrics aren’t necessarily what you’re used to hearing.

you can tell jisung’s a bit nervous as he presses play, choosing to keep his eyes on the floor as he nods his head to the rap.

you’re listening intently, as curious and excited as you are every other time…

but then you realize that it’s about you……

the lyrics talk about letting someone into his life and his longing to be even closer to that person than he is now.

therefore,,,,   u w u

you giggle, which prompts him to look up at you almost immediately with anticipation about your reaction.

you decide to wait until the end of the song to react, but you can already feel the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

the song ends, and you’re sitting in silence alongside jisung. “so… what did you think?”

“well… i think…” you trail off, looking into jisung’s eyes.

with a bit of a squeal you leap up from your seat and essentially attack him.

you straddle his legs (don’t get any *ideas* this is FLUFF for goodness sake) and wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into a big hug.

“i love it, baby. so, so, so, much,” you respond quickly and genuinely.

he laughs, his arms wrapping around you.

he’d probably remark, “you scared me for a second!”

you laugh in response, apologizing for your delayed reaction.

deep down, he’d feel so relieved that you liked the song and its sentiment.

he’d also be so happy to have you, his overexcited sweetheart, in his arms.

however, at the surface, he’d prefer to tease you. “next time, don’t make me wait so long!”

felix:

ok so y’all send memes and tik toks back and forth all day every day. it’s just protocal.

also,,, you could literally be in the same room, and he’d still just start sending you tik toks he’d saved just to send to you and see your reaction.

but there’s this   o n e

you can’t quite explain why but when you watch the tik tok that your boyfriend sent you from across the couch, you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before.

whatever humor you may have, this tik tok completely encompasses it in a beautiful, stupid way.

before you know it, you begin cackling.

felix knows that you’ve always been a bit embarrassed of your laugh (who isn’t, right?), so when you start letting loose he’s a bit caught off guard.

still, he joins in (at a smaller scale, of couse).

he always wants to see you happy, but this is a whole new level of cuteness in his eyes.

your laughter subsides a bit...

until you decide to watch the tik tok again.

believe it or not, it’s even funnier the second time!

you double over, laughing so hard that no sound is even coming out of your mouth.

“are you okay?!” he’d ask, laughing harder now at your actions.

he’d put his arms around you so he could hold you up.

you’d mouth out a “no” in response.

there are practically tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

he’d continue looking down at you with a beaming smile, holding you up until your laughter comes to a full stop.

“was it really that funny? i can’t even make you laugh like this.”

you’re almost dazed, your stomach hurting (in the best way possible). you try to steady your breathing.

after a few seconds of recovery, he’d whisper in your ear with a deep, silly voice...

“...wanna watch it again?”

it’s safe to say you won’t fully recover for a while.

seungmin:

on days off, you watch dramas with seungmin to take both of your minds off of work/school/whatever’s been keeping you busy.

however… of course you can’t go a whole episode without laughing hysterically, and it’s all because of seungmin.

it could be the most dramatic, intense, or heartbreaking scene in the show but he would make it into a full blown impersonation comedy routine.

ESPECIALLY if the drama is in a foreign language.

this boy will reinact all of the subs in the stupidest way possible.

but, today he’s a bit exhausted, snuggling up against you and not saying much.

our boys work too hard :((   (but wbk)

...so you decide to take his place.

you start off kind of hesitantly, waiting to see if he’d even react. when the main characters start to have an argument, you begin reading the subtitles in a silly voice.

you hear a soft giggle from your boyfriend has be tightens his arm’s grip around your waist.

you begin to use different voices for each of the two characters, alternating between a nasly, high pitched one and a lower one with voice cracks. this makes seungmin laugh harder, going from a giggle to his usual open-mouthed chuckle.

he’s so cute >_< ,,anyways…

as the scene intensifies, so does the volume of your impersonations.

“yOu’Ve bEtRaYeD mE!”

“BuT yOu LiEd tO mE!”

at this point seungmin is cackling despite his heavy eyes and unwillingness to move. he’d be so caught up in your routine that he’d forget he was even tired.

you look up at him to see that big smile and those sparkly eyes you love so much, which motivates you to be even goofier!

you sit up, leaving seungmin’s grasp. you begin making hand gestures to match your overdramatic tone.

the scene comes to a climax, in which you recite the final line with more ferver and fake passion than ever before. you finish it off with a fist in the air for ~emphasis~.

as you hold this pose, you hear your loyal audience member begin to cheer for you. he claps, whisper-shouting “ahh” to create fake crowd noises.

“what a show!” he would commend you with an expression of sarcastic awe on his face.

you’re really glad you decided to cheer him up…

but not nearly as glad as he is to have you with him on a day like this.

jeongin:

jeongin’s smile could literally melt anyone’s heart. everybody knows this.

i don’t care who you are, if you see jeongin smile, you either smile or cry and there are no other options.

i don’t make the rules.

so, when he shows you the ‘lovestay’ version of his latest dance practice, you’re bound to go insane with adoration.

as soon as his solo comes up and the camera zooms in on his sweet, smiling face, you give his cheek a little poke

you say, “that’s you!”

“shut up,” he’d respond, giggling.

“wait, i missed something,” you say with a sense of urgency. you take the phone from his hands, rewinding a few seconds.

he’d roll his eyes at you, getting a bit shy.

you resume the video until the boy in the video holds up a finger heart, at which point you press pause.

“look how cute!” you exclaim, looking up at jeongin and pointing back and forth between him and the screen.

“stop it!” he’s blushing (and you’re screaming internally at how cute he is) as he tries to refrain from making a big smile.

you poke his side, resulting in a small fit of laughter that forces his bright grin to peek out.

he swats your hand away, putting his arm around you

(partly to show his affection and partly to make you hold still)

you place your head onto his shoulder, resuming the video for the final time. “you’re too cute. i can’t help it.”

“but you’re the cutest...” he murmurs, almost inaudibly to someone who isn’t as close to him as you are now.

heat rises in your face.

you: “...stop…”

him: “hah!”

touché...

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[of-house-atreides]

This article is breaking my brain

Have you read this article ?

TW: mentions of suicide and also I’m an angry petty bitch

Yes I know this article is from like three weeks ago but I just found it... and I have things to say.

I swear I can’t handle this anymore...

“But today, Loki steps out of his brother’s shadow”... to step in another one. It be the TVA or Sylvie, just... take your pick.

“resuming his role as the God of Mischief” um where? when?

The comedy part is debatable but fine, whatever... I must have missed the noir crime-thriller bit maybe it was between two scenes of Loki getting his ass kicked by literally everyone in this show.

Yeah you forgot that end-credit scene showing Loki alive and well in IW/Endgame.

And no, alternate/variant Loki doesn’t count, he’s not the same person/character.

Because of course when you think of Loki you instantly think his story should take place in a “bureaucratic nightmare” -

And why not hire competent experienced people for Multiverse of Madness and Loki? Is this Marvel’s way of telling us they don’t really care about these projects?

Kevin really said “no experienced writers on this project, let’s just hire whoever” - or maybe it’s a budget thing? Less experience means less zeros on the pay checks?

Wow, ok.

So not a fan of the movies nor a fan of the character, just a fan of the genre, that explains a lot...

“what was really important to me was stripping away all the fantastical elements” ... ?? I’m sorry?? What?? So removing all the fantastical elements from a show titled after who is supposed to be the main character who is a GOD and a prince from another realm/planet was what was important?? The Trickster God of Mischief, magic wielder, master of illusions NEEDED to be stripped from his FANTASTICAL ELEMENTS???

ffs

“find the heart of this story” - is the heart of this story Loki becoming best friends with his (mental and physical) torturer after what? 2 days? Was it falling in love with the ‘superior’ version of himself after only 13 hours together? I’m still looking for the heart of this story.

“what is the relatable message at the center?” - well apparently it’s ‘you can be a God and a warrior with magical powers but still get your ass kicked by literally everyone all the time and never use your strength and skills to fight back’. Or it’s the power of love, idk -

Oh wait, is it falling in love with the female version of himself? For a weird ‘love yourself’ metaphor? That must be it.

Or maybe it’s jet skis.

Ah yes, the ‘you can be good, actually’ message of this series that is so subtly presented to us...

They really missed the whole fucking point of Loki.

They missed it so bad they made him call himself a narcissist (which he isn’t btw).

For the record, Loki is a prince of Asgard who learnt one day he was adopted and in fact taken from one of Asgard’s worst enemies, the King of the Jotuns, aka Frost Giants “the monsters parents tell their children about at night”. He found out he was not only adopted but also abducted and not out of love. He feels not only betrayed but he thinks he understands now why Odin always favoured Thor and why he’d never have the same love from Odin that Thor has had his whole life. He thinks of himself as a monster and wants to be worthy of Odin’s love. So he tries to get it. And sure, he doesn’t do it in the best way, and yes, he is the villain of that story. But Loki isn’t a villain. He doesn’t like to make people suffer, he did it out of pain, out of hurt. The events in Avengers was after he was thoroughly tortured and coerced by Thanos to invade Earth. There is even a moment in the end when Thor asks him if he thinks this ‘madness would stop under his rule’ (or something along those lines) and he looks unsure and regretful. But due to the fear of Thanos and insecurity about himself (love is weakness or whatever) he keeps going. He redeems himself in Dark World, again in Ragnarok and yet again in IW and he was thrown in the trash for it.

Yes, Loki’s story is complex, but it really isn’t that complex... So maybe Loki is a “scared little boy” but his way of acting out makes sense and there’s a legitimate reason for it that was not explored in the show. And his backstory is probably what she called the “bells and the whistles”... 

“we literally delete his universe” - and apparently you deleted his personality too

“it’s a story of reinvention ... can Loki find goodness in himself?” - again, you’re missing the point. Loki is insecure, but not about his ability to do what’s right, but about whether or not he is worthy of love! Finding goodness within himself comes AFTER!

“Loki’s journey, to me, is really about acceptance of himself” - several questions here, um, first, what about himself does he need to accept? That he’s a Jotun? The show never mentions it. That he’s done bad shit and should forgive himself for it? Give him a reason to. Self-love doesn’t come after being mentally and physically tortured by some guy who acts like he’s your best friend after 2 days of working together and being yelled out that “he can be anyone he wants, even something good”.

Show, don’t tell, isn’t that the point of your job?? The job you begged for??

Loki’s journey should have been about self-love and no, falling in love with the female version of yourself (who keeps saying they have nothing in common (because they don’t!)) doesn’t count!

“a more mature and darker path” ...

well this is interesting... was making Loki a clown and the butt of every joke part of making the show mature and dark? Were the terrible attempts at humour? Him being beaten up every two seconds? Having him say lines he’d never say in a million years just to be funny but since it’s out of character for him it fails completely? Was making him incompetent and a complete idiot part of that attempt of making the show mature and dark?

Is that why there’s no magic? You cut off the magician so your show would be more “mature and dark”?

Having him cry every episode doesn’t make your show mature and dark.

Loki from Thor, Avengers, the Dark World and even IW is mature and dark. Your Loki from your series is just a pathetic clown.

“don’t give viewers the story they are expecting” - I personally wasn’t expecting any story, I just wanted Loki, you know, in this Loki series, supposedly all about Loki, and you guys couldn’t even do that.

So this is the author of the article speaking here, I’m guessing, and I think they’re giving a summary of the show so far, so let’s break this down:

“This is Loki as we’ve never seen him before” - I 100% agree -

“Stripped of his self-proclaimed majesty” - ok, first of all, Loki is a prince, that’s a fact, he didn’t make that up, and for the few years he was King of Asgard disguised as Odin, he seemingly did a great job, so...

“but with his ego still intact” - ah, yes, his ego, you know, because he’s such a narcissist... oh wait -

yes he has an ego, but he has a regal one, not misplaced entirely either - his ego in the show is basically him underestimating the TVA and Mobius (as well as the Time Keepers) - his ego is him getting offended by the variant: the ‘superior Loki’ - his ego in the show is used as a weapon to humiliate and belittle him.

“he faces consequences he never thought could happen to such a supreme being as himself” - he literally tried to k*ll himself in the first Thor - literally a result of his own actions - when he returned to Asgard in Dark World, he didn’t try to pretend he hadn’t fucked up. He didn’t try to hide what he had done (he tries to deny to Mobius in episode 2 that he was manipulating them at the fair) - he sacrifices himself in IW... but sure, Loki from the series is indeed surprised that he is powerless (even when he doesn’t need to/shouldn’t be)

“there is a lot of humour ... he is taken down a few pegs by the TVA” ... he is humiliated by the TVA - definitely not what we were expecting, I’ll give you that.

“sentenced to a lifetime of bureaucracy” - definitely did not expect that either

and here comes my favorite quote: “it’s a sad Loki without any mischief”

yes - yes - yes

that is a good summary of this goddamn show, a sad, pathetic, powerless Loki without any personality 

“fallen God” - yeah that’s definitely not what I was expecting either from the Loki series so good job on subverting expectations I guess...

“who is going to win out in this match between them?”

there is no match - Loki is powerless - he’s been turned into a pathetic docile harmless wet dog - Mobius literally mentally (episode 1 and 4) and physically (episode 4) tortures him, both time in an attempt to have Loki do his bidding - Loki is the dog and Mobius is the master - even when Loki ‘tries’ to manipulate him it fails because he’s underestimating them (by overestimating himself) - he uses obvious techniques to manipulate the TVA (episode 2) and nobody buys it because it’s not subtle at all! Loki is smarter than that, he is a TRICKSTER GOD FFS!

“there is an interesting dynamic between them that maybe you haven’t seen with Loki in the Marvel movies” - yeah, maybe there’s a reason for that... like... he wouldn’t... submit so easily... he’d be wary, cautious, cunning... he’d be... himself...

Sans déconner ?

It’s like whoever wrote the series didn’t actually know shit about Loki... like that wasn’t fucking obvious...

And those lectures were apparently done after the script was written so... again, no surprise there... we can see that

Well...

“we wanted the show to be imbued with mischief” vs “sad Loki without any mischief” choose your fighter

“Loki has this very sensitive, damaged, broken heart with an enormous capacity to feel emotion on the biggest scale.”

Are surprised that only Tom so far has portrayed and talked about Loki accurately?

“loneliness, sadness, anger and grief and loss”

I love this man.

I do wonder what Mr. Branagh thinks of the show...

I’m of the people who see a vulnerability beneath those layers of charm and playfulness. I love Loki because he’s smart and cunning and regal, and elegant and sophisticated. I love him cause at the end of the day, he just wants to be loved, and he deserves to be loved.

And in the end, the only Loki I can’t stand is the one from the series.

[itsclydebitches]

Was planning on making this my own post, but I thought you would be more suited to discussing this sort of topic. Something I've noticed when it comes to the more prominent/important/strong female characters (Nora, Pyrrha, Penny, Robyn, Emerald, Sienna) is that RT often has the tendency of giving them masculine allusions (Thor, Achilles, Pinocchio, Robin Hood, Aladdin, Shere Khan) as if they are unable to stand on their own as characters unless they have that connection to a male character. 1/3

It is worth discussing! Yeah, I hesitate to call it a pattern just because, as you say, Team RWBY themselves are an exception to the rule  — and as the title characters of the story, they’re a pretty big exception. We also have good women allusions turned into good women characters (Glynda with The Good Witch, May with Maid Marian) and bad women allusions turned into good women characters (Winter with The Snow Queen — I don’t think she was ever meant to enter full antagonist territory, but that’s another post). So it’s not just a matter of saying, “RWBY models their strong women after male inspirations and turns all female inspirations into male characters.” It’s not that simple. But the fact that it’s not simple doesn’t mean there’s nothing there to unpack because I definitely understand the feeling you’re pointing to, anon. Team RWBY feels like it has the most thought put into it in terms of changing up these allusions, specifically when it comes to subversion: the little girl in a red hood who previously needed a hunter’s protection has become the hunter herself, Belle overcomes both her Gaston and the now evil Beast, Snow White extracts herself from her own abusive situation (with a little help from the Dwarves still), and Goldilocks is no longer lost and in need of basic necessities, but can rather punch her way out of any establishment  — like, say, a club. The execution of these themes aside (how Adam was handled, turning Jacques’ arrest into a joke, etc.), there’s a commonality here that works. Or at least, it works for me. Yet when we expand the allusions past our title team, things get... very messy. That’s when we start to hit on these concerns. 

I’d say the problem stems primarily from that lack of thought, not the act itself of turning women characters into men or vice versa. Meaning, as I’ve said in the past, RWBY’s use of allusions is terribly unreliable nowadays, and that’s not just in terms of plot expectations like, “Why did Penny have to become a flesh girl because Pinocchio, but Ironwood didn’t stay good because Tin Man?” It also includes these questions of why these changes were made and what sort of messages they send. As you lay out, why are so many of our heavy hitters  — the most talented huntress, the lightning-immune smasher, the Maiden android, etc.  — based on men? Why are many of the effeminate and “weaker” men  — Jaune the untrained, Ren the emotional councilor, Oscar the kid who wants to talk it all out  — based on women? Again, I don’t intend to sling any hard accusations, but rather to point out what’s likely a subtle, unconscious bias. To provide another example, I’ve seen talk recently about how RT (again, unconsciously) depicts the faunus, where all the good characters have culturally established “good” animal features and all the bad character have culturally established “bad” features. It’s cat ears, rabbit ears, sheep ears, monkey tails, dog tails, and beautifully changing skin color vs. scorpion tails, spiderwebs, bull horns, tiger ears, bat wings, and crocodile scales. Is it a perfect 1:1 divide? No, Ghira has panther claws and Fennec has fox ears, but there’s enough there for us to go, “RT tends to give the good guys cute features and/or features we associate with safe animals, whereas the bad guys tend to get ugly features and/or features we associate with dangerous animals.” I feel the same way here, that there’s a bit of a trend at play, with the caveat that there are more complications simply by virtue of these allusions being, well, complicated. But there’s enough there to make us stop and think, “What were RT’s intentions with this? If they just chose something based on the rule of cool, what might those inclinations tell us about gender norms in America?” Meaning, when someone goes, “Idk, we just thought it would be cool to change this up” there’s a lifetime of media consumption driving that choice. It’s not actually random, but based on whatever has been normalized  — unless you actively counteract that by thinking through what you want the change to do. 

Unconscious biases are always at work. When we analyze something like this it’s often not a matter of saying, “The author is [insert accusatory term here]” but rather just, “The author is falling into expectations, patterns, and normalized decisions based on the culture they’ve grown up in.” Which includes things like thinking, “Well, if this character is based on a male god, she must be crazy strong. If this character is based on a woman fighter, he’s probably more emotional.” Such biases may be driving a lot of decisions because, as said in the past, I really don’t think RT is putting much thought into these allusions, if any at this point. For me, Penny was proof of that  — the inability to see how following her allusion utterly destroyed her character growth  — but even if we don’t agree about Penny, what about Salem? Far from just using her name, this volume gave us a blatant reference to the events of Salem Trails in the 1690s. Namely, the burning of the witch. 

Except references like this can’t just look cool. This isn’t a video game Easter egg with no real connection to the story, it’s a cinematography/plot choice that carries meaning. So what is that meaning? Well, the thing about the women on trail at Salem is that they were innocent. This is what that reference says: “Hey, remember that real life event where women who weren’t witches were horrifically killed because others thought they were evil? None were actually burned, but culturally we tend to think they were. So that’s the image in our collective mind: innocent women on fire.” Except... Salem is actually a witch. Salem is evil. Salem is guilty. Or at least, the questions surrounding the extent of her guilt  — How much responsibility does she hold in comparison to the Gods? How much agency does she still have after the grimm pool?  — has not been acknowledged by the text. Yang just yelled at Salem for killing her mom and Oscar is about to blow her up. This is not a “Question Salem’s humanity” scene, it’s a “Kill the witch” scene... yet it uses an allusion that is contrary to what the moment is trying to achieve. So what are we supposed to take away from this? Do we adhere to the subtext and believe that Salem is innocent somehow, ignoring what the actual text says, or do we uphold the text and in doing so undermine the reliability of every other allusion in the show? If we can’t trust Salem’s, why would we trust, say, Penny’s? 

RWBY’s allusions are all over the place and yes, I think that lack of consideration extends to who they randomly decided to genderbend. There’s no acknowledgment of  — let alone engagement with  — how many of these characters and historical figures were trying to pass themselves off as another gender, nor does RWBY acknowledge how the need to do so feeds into our current and historic assumptions about gender as a whole. Why does the man dress as a woman? To keep himself safe and seen as a non-threat. Why does the woman dress as a man? To gain access to places previously barred from her and to gain the respect she otherwise wouldn’t be afforded. And, of course, in 2021 there’s the expectation that media will include trans characters, GNC characters, non-binary characters, cis characters uninterested in practicing traditional femininity/masculinity, etc. None of which RWBY tackles outside of May, a woman who references a systematic transphobia we otherwise never see in the show. May, as a minor character, is great and I am in all honesty thrilled that she exists in the RWBY canon. However, the rest of the show is built on an anime conception of gender  — combat skirts and bare midriffs in the snow  — while nevertheless engaging with the very complicated question of how you re-imagine canonically/historically gendered people. As a “girl power” show, RWBY has opened itself up to questions like, “Okay, it’s great that you made these four fairy tale girls kickass, but can we talk about making Joan of Arc into a bumbling guy whose presence as a blonde, blue-eyed, sword-wielding man taking up lots of important screen time has generated accusations about this being a male-centered show?” It’s not a “RWBY is horrible for doing this!” issue, but a “RWBY is deliberately playing with gender and marketing itself as a progressive show, so... let’s figure out what these individual choices are actually implying and whether or not we consider that progressive.” 

[betweentheracks]

Updates//Recent Inactivity

Hello all! This is me finally taking some time to sit down and offer up a rundown on how life is currently going as a means of explaining my inactivity. This is a personal post that is guaranteed to be both rambling and emotional so if that is not your cup of tea, I understand and happily advise you just skip over this post as it is not relevant to the actual content this blog was intended for.

EDITED: After reading this back I now realize this is really just me spilling the tea on my own life and is laughably dishy in details which is extremely not my usual stance on my personal privacy. But idk, it was cathartic so I'm leaving it as is despite the urge to redact 70% of what I say.

I'll start with the good news that I am officially out of lockdown and have remained COVID-19 free since my return home from the hospital. This also means my son finally was allowed to come home to me which is dazzling and exciting and also a little terrible too. He's at a precocious age where tantrums are the cool way to communicate and having been gone for so long completely thrashing his established routine has caused friction. He came home and his parent was not the same as when he left; is much weaker and less energetic than before, paler and shaky - but also there's the addition of my best friend having moved in to assist and take care of me/him while we all do our best to muddle through.

The readjustment has been rough and a lot of this week has made me incredibly thankful to have practically zero memory of how I was as a child. There have been injuries: I have been whacked in the face with the metal cover for a floor vent while dozing on the sofa instead of paying rapt attention to whatever silliness he was showing off to me, there was his complete dismissal of me asking him to stay back and away from the hot oven as I pulled lunch from it's fiery jaws only to then be faced with a toddler quickly approaching with his hand raised to touch so I naturally made a move to block him and in the process I let go of the oven door which slammed upward and clamped my arm tightly between it and the inside cavern of the oven while it was set to a roasty 400 degrees Fahrenheit - earning me a mangled arm with burns of varying degrees, and then we also had that fit where it seemed like a much more grand idea to scale the babygate cordoning the stairs and I had to rush up them to stop him from tumbling face first down two flights and of course did the falling all on my own and did it backwards then slammed painfully into the wall of the landing. This all happened within a 48hr time frame and makes me wonder why I am so catastrophically inclined.

I have bruises that range the majority of my spine courtesy of the wall and stairs, two minor first degree burns on my forearm that are in the shape of an equals and quite large despite the lack of actual pain I feel from them, and the underside of my forearm was instantly blistered then popped then melted down into a horrid glob of skin mush and sticky red-orange and is a second degree burn that I have been assured is no real cause for concern as long as I tend it with care. In all, I managed to escape my momjuries relatively unscathed and with a child that was scared senseless at having hurt his momma and is quick to listen and never stops cuddling me in the time since. Here's hoping he isn't significantly traumatized from this since exactly none of this is especially his fault and is due to my clumsy, accident-prone status in life.

So yes, The Toddler has returned home to me and after some happenings we have settled and are happy. However, his blast from the past father has suddenly just decided to reemerge after more than a year of radio silence and static and has slapped me with a custody petition. Hooray. While I have no worries on this matter due to my mother working for one of the top custody lawyers in the state and snagging him as my representation, and the utter lack of competency on my estranged baby daddy's end clearly being displayed in literally anything and everything the idiot does/says, I do have to now go through the overhaul of a custody case and that is just so weak and exhaustive. Not to mention the basis of his claims that I am not fit to raise a child are founded in my health concerns and the crazy work schedule I keep; ironically, my health is making it so that I have much less insane hours and makes this fairly moot but to each their own I guess. Also worth noting on this matter is that he only did this now because he was recently placed under penalty for child support back pay and nothing in this world matters to him like his money and this is his special way of getting one over on me for tampering with his meager earnings. (He's a wannabe musician - the soundcloud rapper sort, just so we are all on the same page here). If I thought for even a second this was a genuine desire to be an active and stable parent I would be a lot less pressed to act in favor of making it legally binding that he can only see him under a supervisory condition and share time evenly, but it just is not believable in the slightest.

So the thing is - my health is actually quite dismal presently. I'm due in for open heart surgery on the 8th of April and until then I have been doing my utmost to mind all the nagging I get from doctors, PT specialists, the surgeons that will be slicing and dicing me, and my in-family medical practitioner that sometimes remembers he is also my brother and not just an MD. But like, you guys, this surgery is terrifying and technically is two surgeries rolled into one. They'll be cracking my chest open and then stopping my heart while they lift it from where it sits sweetly unhinged and lopsided in my body and very finely shave away some of the excess muscle that has built up around the wall of my heart as well as some unfriendly scar tissue that has lingered since my last surgery years ago. Granted there is no accidental slip that nicks my ugly gargantuan heart and renders me as good as dead, once this first part is finished the other surgeon will need to be deft and very quick to place this ventricular assisting piece in the valve that has all but given up on functioning altogether and do so in the time remaining before the time limit for my heart being essentially unplugged from by body is up, which would also feasibly mean my death. Lots of exciting and terrible sounding consequences, am I right?

Well let's bear it in mind that I am just below 30 in age and therefore not duly experienced in the realm of facing down my own mortality via making all necessary legal arrangements and managing my affairs and assets so that, in event of my untimely death, the custody case still doesn't stand a chance of snatching my son away to the sad misfortune of being raised by a man that has stated openly he only has interest in his kids so far as what they can do for him/get for him in terms of benefit and that he would be unwilling to be hypocritical and never deter his children from drugs and a lifestyle of extremely questionable moral integrity and hygiene alike. Eugh. But I also have had to make sure there is a DNR in place just in case things go wrong during the operation, my will has also been finalized and notarized, all my savings and financial/material assets have been squared away to come into my child's inheritance when he is of age and, most importantly, a document that states clear and direct instructions for him to be placed in care of my mother or, if she is unwilling or incapable, he will be under custodial order and guardianship of my best friend whom he has always viewed as a pseudo-dad anyway. Legally binding and even in light of the paternity petition this document supersedes parental right by way of the provided evidence I have submitted to prove a lack of parental credibility. That's right, I spent days lowkey stalking and sleuthing about to capture what I needed to show this man for what he actually is and I have precisely zero guilt or shame for doing it; this is my child on the line and that means momma doesn't have to play by the rules of snitches getting stitches or whatever other scary street rules he tosses at me as idle threats. (He's done this routinely for all the years I have known him, and it is somehow both pathetic and hilarious because he knows for a fact that, if I wanted, I could throttle him in less time than it would take for him to form a rational thought between his drug soaked braincells - I was also a person of less than savory character not too long ago and can handle myself very well. But I digress because I am losing my track of thought.

After the surgery I will have so damn much PT and rehab, all of which will be specific to varying parts of my body that will need to be reworked and strengthened. Weeks, months of it really. This surgery is major and hits heavy enough that I will be in the hospital for at least 10-14 days just recovering from it without taking into consideration any number of complications that could pop up. Hell, if they get in there and find a situation worse than they currently have an understanding of in the limited capacity of cardiology tech can provide of such a gnarled beastly heart and realize they can't really do anything with it after all, I'll be added to the transplant list. I think this is more daunting to consider than the surgery, honestly.

In that way that doctors have about them, I was "comforted" by being informed that this was an inevitability and I would have been faced with this in a matter of years - less than a handful actually - but the way COVID-19 chewed through me sped it up. I'm sure my years of substance issues were also very helpful in this endeavor, but either way I still am unsure whether I feel better knowing this or not? Mostly I think I feel conflicted and hopeful tempered with the caution of life being super shady in the ways it has often brought me to the doorsteps of dying in situations that seem like odd chance. I also am gifted with being so capable in jinxing myself that I brought myself to COVID-19 ("The way life is going I'll probably square up with Rona next week or some bullshit." Positive test flagged within the following week) and also into labor ("Watch me go into labor on Labor Day since that would be the sort of universal pun that would strike my bad penny having ass." Indeed hatched my youngling on Labor Day of that year) by saying some things within the scope of my bad humor that instantly manifested as reality so I'm not taking any risks here lol.

The gist is that life is really stirring up the winds over here and so I haven't been online and posting anything that would make my blog valid in a fat minute. I do apologize for this and also for the fact that this post took me nearly a week to type up, but when things calm a little I will be back in full. For the time being I will be sporadic and do what I can when I can!

Thanks to anyone that read this mess all the way here! And a big thank you to all of you still supporting me!

[miyaniacs]

Hey!! I think this is an emergency request? But I was wondering if you could do an x reader in which she has an ED and self harms with Yamaguchi, Oikawa and Akaashi? If the topic makes you uncomfortable, could you just do fluff with those three? I’ve been feeling terrible lately and I need comfort like this rn this would mean a lot to me thank u :) i don’t wanna feel like im pressuring u into anything so if you don’t feel comfortable writing this it’s totally fine!!! Thank you :D

Hiiii :)

Sorry it took so long - I was really sleeping in & needed to finish an Assignment that’s due to tomorrow 💀 also... I'm sorry I just did Yams and Oikawa... I really wanted to do Akaashi, because he’d just be perfect on how he’d act in this situation... but I just couldn't get myself to write for one more rn... and I want to post it for you.. I can still make one for Akaashi another day, just sent in another request baby ❤️🥺

ALSO my messages are open love, I know how you feel so hit me up if you wanna talk 🥺

Ok so just a Little disclaimer - it could happen that I’ll write some personal experiences/ thoughts since I think I had an ED / developed one (but kinda stopped it getting worse ) and it still pops up here and there ( actually just last week ) - like I never been diagnosed but still I’m pretty sure lol

Also idk what kind of ED you got BUT I belive it’s probably under eating / binge eating so I mainly include those

masterlist

Warnings : mentions of selfharm & ED

HC s/o with an ED and Self harms 

Yamaguchi

alright ... so ....... you stayed over at his the night

You two made dinner and it was all prefect

You quickly went to the bathroom afterwards tho

Then you came back and helped him cleaning up the dishes

He was joking around and you laugh and push up your sleeves and start cleaning

Yams suddenly stops laughing and just stares at you

“Yams? what's -” you stop and realise what you just did

Today was such a good day, you totally forgot about your breakdown last night, after failing to do any of the things you were supposed to do that day and stepping on the scale realising you gained weight.

“ I- I - can... Can we just forget you saw this?” you stutter and pull down your selves again 

Obviously he won't just forget it

he gently takes one of your hands and leads you to the living room and sits down on the couch with you

“Why?” he whispers 

you just stare at him, unsure if you can tell him the real reason 

after a few minutes of silence you begin to talk 

you tell him everything 

the second you start talking you can’t stop 

the words spill out of your mouth, happy that you can finally get all those toxic thoughts out of your head 

Tears start streaming down your face while you tell him you’re feeling not good enough, like a failure, like you're trying to loose weight and developed an ed, yet you’re still to stupid to loose any weight etc so you just feel like you have to ... like punish yourself? 

Yams listens to you carefully and with every word his eyes get more and more glassy 

after you finished talking, he pulls you into the tightest hug ever

“baby... why haven't you told me, I'm always here for you, you shouldn't deal with all of this alone” 

sooo you stay in this position for a little longer, you both trying to calm down and stop crying

“Now... let me tell you - I will keep on telling you this over and over again, every single day of my life if I have to - you are enough, you are perfect in my eyes, you don’t have to loose any weight, but if you want to, then do it in a healthy way... I willing to help you in any way possible.” He takes your hands and moves them up to his face, kissing your knuckles

the rest of the night, you cuddle, him trying to confound every toxic thought you have 

he also gifts you a soft hair tie and makes you promise him, that you would use this, instead of hurting yourself 

his phone is also from now on not silent anymore in case you need someone to talk to at night 

the next weeks, he’s getting up earlier, making you some healthy, low calorie lunch so you don’t have to feel pressured to eat in the cafeteria and feel the need to throw up again afterwards. He’ll also tries to increase the cals, every other week. 

Oikawa 

He probably realises that something is up, the second his stupid ass walks into the bathroom when you just got out of the shower

It’s winter so you always wore sweatshirts and those cute wide leg pants

also you haven't been feeling good the past weeks, so there wasn't really a chance for Oikawa to see you in tight clothing or well ... no clothing at all. 

so when he saw you for this small second just now, his heart drops 

he just stands there shocked, tears already running down his face, not moving a muscle 

“Y/N...  I - since when - Why - I- “ he stutters not able to find the right words 

You stood still, towel in your hands, shocked expression on your face 

this is like your worst nightmare, he shouldn't see this, at least not now, not like this 

“Tooru, I can explain...” you stutter and look down at the ground 

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to ... I just.. can I hold you?” He whispers in between small snobs 

you nod and he takes a set forward, carefully placing his arms around you, now afraid he could hurt you or break you 

He doesn't feel your soft curves anymore, his fingers are now met with the little bumps of your rips 

You hide your face in his neck and start crying 

the snobs make your body shake, which made him feel your bones move under his hands - which results in him crying even more 

“You’re just so perfect and I'm just me... all those beautiful girls who fall for you, with their skinny legs and waist, looking so delicate... I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me...” 

how couldn’t he notice? WHY haven't he? HE could NEVER be ashamed of you NEVER 

WHY was he so busy with Volleyball? he should have noticed that you weren't eating.. but he always thought you’ve eaten before... 

after you calmed down, he takes the towel and helps you getting dry, his eyes always stuck to small red lines on your legs, right under your hips

he walks over to where you kept your medics and all the first aid stuff and started treating your wounds 

He takes off his hoodie and puts it over your head and picks you up bridal style, carrying you to the bed 

He puts you down and quickly hurries to the kitchen and makes some tea for you 

You’re now seated in between his legs, your back resting on his chest while his arms are wrapped around you, rocking you from side to side, while you two watch some Disney movies 

after you finally fall asleep he takes out his phone and reads all the articles on the internet about self harming and ed’s. 

He makes a note on his phone where he writes down all the things he could do to help you, and all the little signs so he knew when one of your conditions gets worse again 

he makes sure that from now on, you two eat at least one meal together

he’s always encouraging you, if you feel like not eating, he begs you to at least eat one small bite, if you feel like eating the whole salad, girl, he’s hyping you up so much 

he sees that you gained some weight? 

omg be prepared for a full week of him praising you of how beautiful you are, hyping you up, etc 

and GODDD IF YOU NEED NEW CLOTHES BECAUSE YOUR OLD ONES DON’T FIT ANYMORE SINCE YOU GAINED WEIGHT 

he is spoiling you to the Max 

he is willing to fly you to London, Paris, La, etc so you get the best clothes available 

some small things he also do is : form that one night on, every day, he sends you a voice note of him telling you how amazing you are, how much he loves you, and lists at least 10 things why he loves you and why he’s proud of you - so from now on, before you grab that one small blade, you listen to this voice note and if that doesn't help, you only need to text him  🆘  and he’s already faceting you, dropping everything he was doing and getting to your house asap

also he’s probably trying to get you into working out with him, so he can control that you don’t overwork yourself and helps you gaining more muscles again and tells you about the benefits of weight lifting, since muscles burn calories while doing nothing at all, YET they need top be feed to remain 

[cycas]

My First-Age Timeline of Galadriel

My idea of young Galadriel in Aman is a woman who was very able, and very confident, and almost the youngest of a very gifted, competent and enormous family. She was convinced she could achieve so much, if she had space to do it, if all her older siblings and cousins didn’t do everything first. Hence the ‘Man-maiden’ name: she wanted to do everything the men did, and more, and she was pretty damn successful at it too, winning races and wrestling matches all over the place. 

But also, terribly naive. I imagine her rather like a rather sheltered American teen who dreams of going to idk, Europe perhaps,  and fixing All The Problems by explaining everything that everyone is doing wrong, so that everyone claps. Lots of ideas that come from a well-intentioned place, but are never, ever going to work. 

The Timeline. 

FA 1 : Galadriel arrives in middle-earth via the Ice, fights in the Battle of the Lammoth. The Ice and then the battle come as a shock. The sight of Angband is a shock.  Alqualondë was bad enough, but nobody then really knew what they were getting themselves into there.  On the Ice, even being able and confident and talented wasn’t enough, but at least the Ice didn’t actively want her dead. 

The Battle of the Lammoth is her first battle where she faces enemies that don’t know who she is, don’t care at all, and want her either dead, or, preferably, a slave working in their master’s mines. 

Middle-earth is much bigger and more terrifying than she was expecting. Fëanor is dead, and that’s a shock too: she thought he would be always there to be hated, not just blotted out of the story and gone.

FA 6 : Galadriel goes to Doriath, talks to Melian and Thingol, learns of the First Battle of Beleriand, hears more about Angband, hears that escaped thralls can’t be trusted, and really gets an idea of the scale of what they are facing. 

Galadriel is not a quitter: she sets up in Doriath and starts studying with all the power of her formidable brain everything that the Sindar and Melian have learned and made that might give an advantage.   

FA 20 : Mereth Aderthad. OK, only a couple of the Sindar go to Fingolfin’s party but Galadriel is Noldor, I’m sure she was there. 

FA 67: there is a certain coldness in Doriath after the Kinslaying at Alqualondë is revealed.  Galadriel spends a few years in Nargothrond. Probably helps Finrod build the place.  Also visits her brothers in Dorthonion.

FA 100-ish Galadriel goes back to Doriath, because Doriath has Melian, and Melian’s Girdle is a step up from any defence the Noldor have. (I think this may also be one reason that Curufin is stationed in Himlad. He can’t talk to Melian directly, because kinslayer, but I bet he’s trying to reverse-engineer the Girdle)  Also, Doriath has Celeborn, who is Hot. 

Sometime during this period Galadriel meets her first Dwarves in Doriath (where they have been weapons trading for ages, and clearly visit regularly given that Thingol commissioned them to set the Silmaril in the Nauglamir.)  She hears tales of the Dwarf-kingdoms of the East.

FA 310 : Finrod and Men discover one another.  Pretty sure that Finrod would want to introduce his family to his exciting new discovery, so Galadriel meets Men shortly afterwards, and learns about their long journey out of the East. 

Finrod, being the head of his house in Beleriand and a king, can’t really get away with leaving the War and Nargothrond for long enough to cross the Blue Mountains into Eriador and properly explore the potential allies and dangers that might lie there. 

But Galadriel can. 

In LOTR, Galadriel says : “... ere the fall of Nargothrond or Gondolin I passed over the mountains, and together through the ages of the world we have fought the long defeat.”

? FA 350 : during the Long Peace, Galadriel crossed the mountains and explored Eriador.  

Galadriel left Beleriand at peace (more or less.) Her eldest brother held the greatest lands of all the princes of the Noldor, her younger brothers held Dorthonion, Doriath was well protected by the front-line Noldor kingdoms, particularly Dorthonion which was directly between Doriath and Angband. 

FA 455  Dagor Bragollach. 

Galadriel’s brothers Angrod and Aegnor die, Dorthonion falls, Finrod tries to dash north to help them but gets caught by orcs in the Fens of Serech, and only escapes with the assistance of Barahir. Tol Sirion, the northern defense of Finrod’s lands, is taken, and becomes the Isle of Werewolves. 

I think Galadriel was still in the East while all of this was happening, and it was a while before she got the news. When she did, she came back to Beleriand, but didn’t arrive before:

FA 465 Quest for the Silmaril: Death of Finrod Felagund. 

Since no mention of Galadriel in the tales of Beren and Lúthien, or of Túrin and the death of Finduilas and the fall of Nargothrond, possibly she didn’t get back until:

FA 502 : Death of Thingol, Melian goes into the West, Doriath sacked by Dwarves from Nogrod. 

There is a mention somewhere of Celeborn helping to rescue baby Elwing from the Second Fall of Doriath, though, so I think they must, at latest, have returned for:

FA 506 Second Kinslaying at Doriath. 

FA 538 I think that she was on Balar with Gil-galad rather than at the Havens for the Third Kinslaying (which had few survivors) and was probably part of Gil-galad’s rescue mission. 

FA 545 The Host of Valinor arrive, start of the War of Wrath. 

I can see no reason why Galadriel wouldn’t take part in the War of Wrath.  The Edain fought.  Elrond was at the fall of Thangorodrim. 

 Fighting Morgoth and saving Middle-earth is why she came.  She has a personal grievance against him by this time not just for her grandfather, but for Angrod and Aegnor, and particularly against Sauron for the death of Finrod.  

 And there’s this hint in LOTR:

“If our folk had been exiled long and far from Lothlórien, who of the Galadhrim, even Celeborn the Wise, would pass nigh and would not wish to look upon their ancient home, though it had become an abode of dragons?”

IE: “Remember when you insisted we had to visit Menegroth one more time during the War of Wrath, and there was a dragon in it?”

FA 587-590 Beleriand falls, the Host of Valinor depart.

Even if Galadriel didn’t see her father during the war, while he was leading the Noldor host, surely she must have had a chance to do so at this point, since she seems to have discussed going back to the West. 

At this point, either Galadriel was still under the Ban, OR she refused to leave Middle-earth.  I think both. Eönwë  offered her the chance to recant, to  apologise for her rebellion, the same way that her father did when he returned to Tirion, and then live on Tol Eressëa.  

I think Eönwë  also offered the same option to Maglor and Maedhros, and possibly something very similar to Sauron. 

So, I don’t think she refused out of pride, exactly.  I think it was more that after losing so much, and after her father had led the Noldor army through the War of Wrath, she was still given the same option that the people who killed Nimloth were given, and also the person who chained her brother in a dungeon and threw werewolves at him. 

Under those circumstances I would have told Eönwë  to fuck off too.   Particularly given what Sauron did next. 

[funny-house]

what do you think of the theory that the mother is the reason mm face is so disfigured? at first i was unsure but after slowing down her flashback and seeing someone's face fall off it makes me think it's plausible. i also find it interesting how she starts to say "i feel terrible for all the things i've done" but just says "i feel terrible". truly a family that lives in their own heads

 I think that’s an.......... interesting perspective? sahjadadkj I’M TRYING NOT TO LIKE repeat previous posts but like?? i’m also super aware I have um a small novel at this point of Opal related posts

so i totally understand if you haven’t seen this one, but basically, first? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with mirror man’s face ! i mean,,, more than any of these other creepy clay puppets In that part where the mirror turns to reveal his face, take a close look at what’s actually wrong with him. He’s not damaged, he just has a big, creepy... unnatural... monster mouth. Like, an elongated, double jaw with 2 rows of human teeth. No amount of violence is going to cause THAT on a person

That isn’t deformity, that’s like,,, Claire imagining him as something monstrous,, and he’s not missing an eye, at least i’m pretty sure he’s not, because I happened to put his face through a contrast scale on accident when I was editing his picture and you can actually see his big pupil looking left too, in the right eye, it’s just in shadow. and I have written vaguely a post about how Jack Stauber is conveying the idea of an abusive cycle with the wife,,, i could,,, go on for dayssss But it’s under a “Read more” on a random post about mirror man’s past and i’m ajkasdjuad  i’m losing track of them all um

i’m SO disorganized forgive me dude

but.... then there’s the flashback. And honestly? I  H A T E  going frame by frame in that thing, cause it gives me mad anxiety, i think it’s the scare chords and flashing imagery, so i kinda just avoided really looking super close at it

WHICH. AS A FAN OF ARGS AND WEIRD INTERNET CONTENT, I CAN’T BELIEVE I LET MYSELF DO THAT BECAUSE everyone knows the answer to questions are ALWAYS in the flashy bits.....

but boy oh boy. I........ am actually even more sure she’s the one being attacked here. I mean. You.... you literally....  You literally see her getting hit? TWICE. once in the back of her head by a hand and again with possibly?? a plate or some sort of glass being thrown at her face?? ( lol, maybe a mirror? )  

Like, looking at all the other details... If she’s the violent one, why is she screaming? That isn’t anger screams, those were like horror movie screams, like high pitched AAAAAAAA Not to mention, she does the big wavy mouth scream, kinda like Claire does but not as exaggerated. That doesn’t convey anger to me? Why does she look so scared? She never even makes an angry expression, like if Jack wants to convey someone is angry he will DO IT.  and why couldn’t the floaty, melting face be her own face? You see her face distorting and decaying all throughout it, it doesn’t seem out of place to me.

idk, listening to her dialogue, to me this is not a person in power or willing to fight back! Why would she say she’s trapped and that her and her daughter can’t escape their situation if SHE was the one doing the physical abuse? Why would she say   “ we are surviving, not living, our adversaries are in denial, etc”   if she was able to stand up for herself to the extent of physically attacking an adult man? She clearly doesn’t want to be here!! what else could explain, within the narrative of the story, why she’s suppressing her memories with self medicating and living in a “virtuous cycle”? a literal phrase used to describe people who forgive their abuser, a reference to the “cycle of violence”, which describes the three repeating stages of abuse btw.

tbh i consider that part the most clear reference to her being an abuse victim out of like,,,,,,,,, ALL of this

And I never thought about it before, but you can see her frantically calling the police or some sort of hotline right at the start of it, after it zooms into her eye-- and I guess, why would she be picturing, from her eye’s perspective, her husband calling on the phone? That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me?

And what she says there  “ I feel terrible for all the things tha-” she says that right after  “how did things get so bad?”  As if this is something that was done to her, something she didn’t see coming. And she was talking to Claire, which means she was likely telling Claire she feels terrible for dragging her into The Bad Things  with her. I’m sure she feels guilty for having a child with a person who mistreats both of them!! She’s one of the only characters that show she understands the situation is bad and she wishes it could be different. *FLAILS ARMS*  BUT OK I’M SO SORRY  I hope i don’t sound upset, it’s not bad at all if you disagree with my take, honestly it’s just that there’s so much on my mind that I want to explain, so you’ll understand where I’m coming from yknow?? but i’m all over the place !!

I guess I just really can’t picture this theory myself, but it was,,, definitely interesting to look into! ;u;

[damienthepious]

yeah. hope y’all didn’t forget this one entirely.

You Want To Live (When Life Is Achingly Unfair) [chapter 3]

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ao3] [ch 4]

Archive Warning: Major Character Death

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Sir Damien, Rilla, Lord Arum

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Alternate Universe - Mythology, Alternate Universe - Orpheus/Eurydice/Hades, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, (though there will NOT be relief until later chapters), Death, (Death but it’s Weird when the afterlife is a place you can just Go), Singing

Summary: Damien’s beloved dies in spring. His flower dies, among flowers. This cruelty is not without beauty.

Chapter Summary: Damien descends.

Chapter Notes: it's! been a while! i'm a fickle creature. idk sometimes i think just me and two other people like this one, but i guess i'm writing for them! so!!! it's fine!!!!!

~

The Lord of Death remains beside Rilla, and time passes, or does not. It is all- confusing, here. Rilla suspects that the bank around her changes-

No, she figures it's more likely that she is moving along the water. She has the impression that things don't really… progress, here. It does seem as if the bend of the sluggish river moves at her back, tufts of grass and scattered spurs of flowers shifting and reorienting, but she never notices the change itself, only the new configurations. The Lord of Death waits, and does not seem bothered to do so.

They speak, when Rilla feels present enough to do so, when she pushes through the obscurity of this place, the vagueness and distraction and timeless fog. They speak, and it is both strange and natural at the same moment.

The Lord of Death has a name, apparently, and not merely a title. Here, in his own realm, he is called Arum.

Rilla doesn't think that he told her. She knows, regardless. She's less irritated by that than she should be.

"How long have you been watching me, then? If I'm supposed to be some sort of... friend to you, that is."

Arum's mouth curls, something like a smile. "I am rather too busy with my duties to devote time to watching you, but I would say that I have known you since you first began to insist upon helping in your parents' work. And I do mean insist."

Rilla laughs, and this time she's sure she isn't imagining it- the realm seems to flicker brighter as she does, like soft, silent lightning.

"Yeah, well," she rolls her eyes, amused by the image of her own small self, jaw set as she made herself too helpful for her parents to usher away. Amused as well by the idea of the Lord of Death noting the presence of her small hands, passing instruments and medicines to those who better knew how to use them, until she was big enough to take them for herself. "I'm stubborn. I've always been stubborn."

"Yes," Arum says, an edge of sadness coloring his tone. "So you were."

"Don't do that," Rilla says with a scowl, and the god blinks. "Don't give me a tense shift, I'm betrothed to a poet, I know what you're doing. I may be- dead, but I'm here, and I'm talking to you, aren't I? You can't talk about me like that while you're speaking right to me."

"Hm. Very well," Arum says, his tail slowly coiling, and Rilla never expected the Lord of Death to have such warmth in his eyes. Least of all while he looks at her. "You, Amaryllis," he says slowly, "are stubborn. Presently."

"Even as a corpse," she says with a snort, and Arum's snout wrinkles, just barely concealing his own sad smile.

~

The crossing into the realm of death is too dreamlike for proper memory: Damien descends, descends, the notes of his voice fluttering behind him like ribbons in the breeze, and then he stands in a small boat on the bank of a quick river, uncertain of the transition.

"Sit, seeker," the ferryman murmurs.

Horns pierce through the hood of the dark, plush cape that obscures his face, and he holds the pole to guide their vessel in long, slender, scaled hands tipped with claws- but the grief and determination and song are too large within Damien to make room for any degree of fear.

"Sit," he says again, more sternly. "Sit, singer, unless you should like to put us both in these waters."

Damien obeys, carefully settling himself opposite the ferryman.

"You cannot stop," the creature says slowly, "can you?"

Damien realizes, after a moment, that the ferryman is referring to the notes pouring from his lips. He manages something like a smile, his eyes burning, his heart aching, and then he shakes his head.

The creature picks them slowly across the waters with his pole, his eyes downcast beneath his thick hood, and Damien tries to keep his mind fixed, attentive on his goal. The fog rises over the water, over the pair of them, disorienting and strange, and it seems to muffle every edge. Damien can feel it, can feel it trying to ease the grief within him, trying to lull his sadness into silence.

The song that flows from him is a help, in this way. His sorrow rings too clear a note, dispelling the curls of gray that edge too close. Distant, distant, subtle and soft, Damien thinks he hears an echo. A resonance, like the hum of glass when it senses a sympathetic note. He does not understand it, but he feels it.

"You cannot stop," the ferryman repeats, "can you?"

An echo of Damien's sorrow rings in his voice, now, and Damien knows that he means something different , now. He shakes his head again.

"I cannot," he croons, his eyes slipping closed. "I must descend, I must cross. I must find her again. I cannot stop, I cannot turn aside, I cannot forget- without her, I am... I am only the instrument of my grief."

"You still live," the ferryman says, low and full of more emotion than Damien expects. "More than an instrument is required, to weave beauty such as yours. Skill, and love, and magic. You are not so hollow as you claim, I assure you of that."

Perhaps it is something in the magic of this place, perhaps it is the earnest warning in the ferryman's voice and the shine of tears Damien can see flashing beneath his hood, perhaps it is the fact that he is closer, now, to Rilla than he has been since her death, but-

He feels... less hollow than he had, before.

"You can stop, if you wish. You have that choice, still, within your hands. There is still time. I may still turn the boat around, to return you where you belong," the ferryman says, his voice terribly soft, and Damien's heart falls. "Defying the laws of life and death will not come without cost, regardless of the beauty of your song. What would it take," he whispers, "to cause you to leave this place with your aims unfulfilled?"

"There is no prize of such worth, no consolation to be had, no gold nor glory nor favor that could wrench my heart from hers," Damien says, and his words shift to song as they leave his tongue, woven through with magic and such deep truth that he feels it sink into his bones. "I will not return to the land of the living without her by my side."

This is true as well. Damien knows, as he speaks these words, that this is both prophecy and curse in potentia.

She will leave with him, or he will not leave at all. They will both rise to sunlight again, or neither of them will.

"You believe that she would be pleased, to know that you would toss yourself into death to find her again?"

The way Rilla's eyes would flash, the scowl on her lips, her furrowed brow, the musculature of her arms as she crosses them furiously in front of her chest-

"She will be incandescent with rage," Damien keens, and the notes of the song bounce with his almost-sob. "I shall be so, so blessed to bear her ire again at last."

The ferryman stares for a long, long moment, the waters and the fog both curling past them, and at long, long last he sighs.

"You truly have no fear of Death, then?"

Damien considers. This river is a threshold; he can feel the way it pulls him in both directions. He can feel the memory of Rilla at his back, the glow of the living world. He can feel her soul ahead of him, in the more still waters.

"My greatest fear is behind me, already come to pass," Damien sings, gentle. "Perhaps there is danger ahead, but there my only hope lives, too." Damien smiles, despite the wetness on his cheeks. "Hope lives with death, now. With her."

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #6: August 13, 2021

Okay, okay, I know it's a couples days later, but I can assure you that I did not forget; I purposefully, and kinda without a better option, didn't post on Friday, and you'll see why.

So the day started off pretty regularly: I got up, ate breakfast, got a shower, and then sat around playing games and watching YouTube for a bit.

That was until my friend showed up at my house...

He called me and said to come outside, so I did.

It wasn't long until I got into his car, and we started driving.

I definitely should have been more anxious or nervous heading out, but for some reason, I just sat there with my head absentmindedly poking out the window, not really thinking about it.

I really wish I had grasped the situation a little better.

We got down there after an hour and a half of driving and we parked a bit away because there were so many people there, so many people there, in fact, that we just got some food until it calmed down again.

It was gonna be a great fucking concert.

Hella Mega Tour 2021, originally supposed to be Hella Mega Tour 2020, but postponed for obvious reasons.

We shopped for a tiny bit beforehand, not buying anything, and then headed over to the stadium 45 minutes before the concert was set to start. We were let in about 10 minutes later, and we filled our contraband water bottles that we managed to hide on the way in.

We sat there for a bit, me just listening to music on my Redmi Buds 3 pro.

I love these things.

Pretty soon the music started, and it was The Interrupters; everyone was feeling pretty lazy for this bit.

It's not like they were bad or anything, they were actually pretty good, but I guess everyone was just getting situated and didn't wanna bother using up all of their energy lol.

So The Interrupters' set is up, and they tear down the stage and reset it. Before too terribly long, Weezer starts up, and there's a lot bigger reaction from the crowd than there was before: people knew the songs, like Africa, Buddy Holly, Beverly Hills, and Feels Like Summer to name a few.

I was getting into it a bit, I knew a good few of the songs, I was moving along, I sang a bit, took some video.

What's cool is that I could feel myself moving along the scale, like going from no excitement while no one was playing, then tapping my foot and grooving to The Interrupters.

When Weezer first came on, I was just sitting there like, "alright, this is good shit." Towards the end, I was quietly singing Buddy Holly, their last song for the night.

I say quietly because there was a lot more loudness to come.

I should add that, up until this point, the music had been kinda unbearably loud, the highs really piercing and hitting hard.

Additionally, up until this point, I had been trying my best to document the concert with videos and audio recordings; it wasn't so much about enjoying the concert, for I've always been taught just to record stuff and not worry about the concert.

I don't think I've ever really enjoyed any of the concerts I've ever been to; I was there, but I wasn't. I didn't really know too many of the songs, and I had only listened to the artists in passing, not to mention the fact that my mother had been at every other concert I've been to, which is stifling in itself. I really can't enjoy anything when she's around.

But here we were; it was starting to get dark, and Fall out Boy was coming onstage. The crowd was getting into it with Weezer, and it was time for Fall Out Boy. The energy here had far exceeded both Weezer and The Interrupters, and this went for me as well.

I was sitting there, singing along and still occasionally recording, but I didn't have my phone out too much. I started to dance in my seat with every song, for I knew almost every one: Sugar, We're Going Down, Centuries, My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark, Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy, The Last of the Real Ones, Save Rock And Roll, and Dance, Dance being a few.

Throughout this set, everyone was singing along, but the real fun had yet to begin; the scent of smoke from the flames and fireworks finding its way through the crowd, the music now strong instead of piercing, a sense of unity between everyone in this packed stadium, between people of all walks of life: men, women, children, transgender, cisgender, non-binary, gay, straight, lesbian, ace, black, white, Asian, Mexican, young, old, middle-aged, and everything in between and outside... It didn't matter who you were or where you came from; you were at a fucking party, and everyone was gonna fuck it up once the main act came on stage.

Meanwhile, everyone was more than happy to celebrate with Fall Out Boy and some of their greatest and most memorable tracks.

Part way through Fall Out Boy's set, I decided to get off of my ass and join the growing number of audience members who were really getting into the groove and feeling the music.

It was so close to becoming an explosion of energy once Fall Out Boy was about to leave the stage.

After they left, the set was torn down once again and set up for Green Day.

Their was a low mix of music playing through the speakers all the while things were being set up. Once the stage was set, the music continued for a bit, but was then cut and replaced with a voice and lyrics that everyone knew immediately.

"Is this the real life. Is this just fantasy."

The crowd sings along to every word.

"Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality."

Freddie's voice poured out into the crowd, and the crowd sang them right back.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see"

The song continued, and the whole crowd sang to the very end.

This really goes to show how impactful some people and groups can be on our lives... Although no one at the show was connected to Queen or Freddie Mercury, everyone who came to see these 4 bands still knew this great group.

Once the song was over, a mix of some of the most famous rock anthems began to play:

"We will, we will rock you"

"I love rock and roll"

"Hey, Ho, let's go"

A glorious piece all lead up to the 4 running onstage, Billie Joe Armstrong, Jason White, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool, joined now by 2 new members, Jason Freese and Kevin Preston.

All at once, it was an explosion of strong and passionate guitar jamming, soon followed by the drums and vocals of American Idiot. All at once, the crowd was rocking along with bopping heads, stomping feet, and swaying bodies. I only had my phone out to record for a short moment before I put it away and scarcely removed it from my pants for the rest of the concert.

I couldn't help but feel cocky, as a bi/pansexual (idk which one lmao), being allowed to sing the line,

"Well maybe I'm the faggot America"

I was like, "You straight bastards better not be singing that line 🤣"

It was absolutely incredible; the crowd cheered passionately and wholeheartedly at the end of every song and solo, after every quote from the band.

The coolest part about the concert was the fact that everyone just lost themselves in the music, as well as that everyone, without hesitation, followed what Billie Joe said. He says jump? WE FUCKING JUMPED. He tells us to scream? We. Fucking. Screamed. And when he wanted us to sing, we sang. I mean, okay, we were singing the whole time xD. I'm sure we would've sang if he told us to and we weren't already doing so lmao. What he said was our law, and we were doing our jobs as the dutiful citizens of Suburbia by following those laws.

It really is hard to express the level of pure energy at this gathering, especially when it radiates from every point in the packed stadium.

I screamed so loud and hard, and sang so long and passionately, that my voice started to go. But. Guess. What.

When you're at a place like this, no matter what, you just have this insatiable urge to keep going no matter what. When my arm got tired of throwing my fist in the air, I kept fucking going and even used the other arm too.

It's such a strange feeling when you feel like you're about to give out, like your voice is gonna break, or you're gonna collapse from dehydration and exhaustion, but you find around you the strength and power to keep on going, no matter how quickly your vocal health deteriorates.

Ask my friend, I couldn't speak properly after that shit xD. He even threatened to send a video of me talking to my choral teacher, who honestly would have been mad at me lmao.

Meanwhile, Green Day is playing some of their greatest hits, old and new alike, and I knew every single fucking one of them. I sang every song, and only took a break between 2 of them to down my whole bottle of contraband water in 3 seconds flat.

At one point, the band stopped playing, and Billie spoke into the microphone.

"Get your pretty lights out. I wanna see the pretty lights."

Everyone got their phones out and turned the torches on, as per his command.

"Turn the house lights off."

The lights go off, and the stadium is lit up almost as bright as it had been before, but this time with the lights of thousands.

"Look at that."

It was honestly an incredible moment.

That brings me to another point: when you go to a concert, you're not just paying for the music, you're not just paying to see a band, you're paying for an experience.

Let me tell you, this was one hell of an experience.

If you don't leave a concert feeling fulfilled, then the performers didn't do their job of giving you the experience that you paid to be a part of. I'm so happy that these four bands, especially Green Day, were able to deliver.

I really did love every moment of that show, which is such a rarity for me. I'm really happy that my friend took my mother's place. I can't fucking enjoy everything when she's around.

Oh yes, it wouldn't be one of my daily blogs without me talking about how my mother consistently pisses me off. Don't worry, I have some happy shit left to end on.

I swear to fluff though, she always manages to ruin everything for me. When we went to see The Lion King on Broadway, she insisted on coming with. That meant that I wasn't able to relax in my seat because this disgusting woman was sitting next to me and I had to cram myself to the side of my chair away from her. It meant that I wasn't allowed to cry when Mufasa died or during Can You Feel The Love Tonight because I knew I'd get made fun of for it.

I even went to a Fall Out Boy concert before, her refusing to let me go myself, and I didn't sing a single song because she'd just tell me to let the professionals handle it.

And for fuck's sake, the time she compared me trying to fucking validate my existence as a trans person to her wanting a car... That will always fucking piss me off.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. I was talking about how she ruins everything for me.

I literally cannot be myself around her. I've always been judged and ridiculed by my parents, and still am. I can't enjoy anything when they're around because I'm too focused on trying not to get made fun of or yelled at.

That being said, that concert was absolutely fucking incredible. I was with thousands of people who felt the same way that I did, and I could fucking jam out if I wanted to.

Apart from everyone being really on top of their game, and Billie Joe basically not aging since he turned 25, the only really notable thing left to say about the performance was when they pulled a kid guitarist onstage. He played for a bit, and they ended up letting him keep the guitar lmao.

BEST PART IS:

I SAW THE KID AFTER THE CONCERT, AND I WAS LIKE,

"Omg, hey, can I get a selfie with you?"

I was trying to be really low-key and quiet cuz I didn't wanna draw too much attention to him lmao.

The security guard was like, "Yeah, sure, but hurry up."

I TOOK THE PIC REALLY QUICKLY AND THEN HEADED OUT

HERE IT IS

YES, OF COURSE I BLOCKED OUT MY FACE

But I absolutely love the vibes of this photo xD. It's blurry, the lighting is shit, and you can barely make out any details. It has a lot of character, and I would take this over a clean, clear photo any day.

Walking away, the kid's mom said, "You're like, the coolest kid ever now."

Agreed.

Then it was time to go home. Honestly, I didn't feel sad that it didn't last longer, or disappointed that I had to leave. I was actually very satisfied and fulfilled with what happened, which is honestly the way it should be.

Driving home, I stayed awake by sticking my arm out of the window and letting the cold rain hit fast like tiny needles.

I got home.

I passed out.

Although, that was technically on Saturday 🤔

ANYWAY, THIS IS MY LONG ASS BLOG FOR FRIDAY THE 13TH

I hope you enjoyed

Be good people!!!!

-Leonna

[imaginaryelle]

Meta: Luminaries and Power in MDZS

Apparently I’m doing meta for the Untamed Winterfest “star” prompt (day 14) because I keep thinking about “rising stars” and “falling stars” and supernovas and the sun and guiding stars, which makes me think a lot (a lot a lot) about Wei Wuxian, and the Wens, and Jin Guangyao, and Lan Wangji.

Like, we have the Wens here, right?

And the Wens are basically the cautionary tale for the whole rest of the plot. “Do Not Covet Power” the story tells us over, and over and over, “Power Will Turn Against You,” but the Wens come (chronologically) first. They wear the sun, and the phoenix. They stand triumphant, the brightest star in the sky, and they start thinking that means they are the sun, the source from which all other power flows, the unkillable generator of life. And so the sun turns scorching—there are too many suns in the sky, shoot them down or all life will burn—and the rest of the world snuffs them out, one by one (until one single sun is left, excuse me while I cry over A-Yuan; okay, we’re good).

Pretty blatant, in-your-face cautionary tale for a whole generation, right? Maybe even two generations? “Hey, look, those people over there, they tried to gather up all the power and they died horribly, maybe we should not do that.” Except none of them learn anything. Anything. They still all think it’s about who’s right, completely ignoring the fact that they’re all operating under a “might makes right” mentality, the lot of them (Especially Jin Guangshaun, of course).

Wei Wuxian starts out as a rising star—the child who came from nothing, but he has so much talent and he shines so bright that no one can ignore him. Even when they hate him, they can’t look away. (He’s also pretty much the only cultivator who regularly talks to the everyday people of the world as if they’re equals, but that’s a whole other thing.) He freely gives power away when he gives Jiang Cheng his golden core. It doesn’t define him, it’s just a tool, which has been very useful but which he can do without.

Honestly, I think if Wen Chao hadn’t found him and dropped him in the Burial Mounds he would have found something else to do. He’d likely stay with Jiang Cheng (who would have to know about him not having a core, once he found Wei Wuxian basically half-dead in that town, I don’t think Wei Wuxian was originally planning to hide that part once it was finished), and still be part of the Jiang sect and consult on tactics and do work that you don’t have to be a cultivator to do (which is a lot, really). He’d still have all the competent-gentleman-skills: archery, riding, calligraphy, etiquette and math, as well as all the general knowledge he’s collected from a truly rarefied education. He can’t use a cultivator’s sword, and he’ll never attain immortality, but there are plenty of other cultivators whose sword skills and quest for a longer lifespan are suspect. Maybe he’d still go on night hunts. Maybe he’d write excellent training manuals or mentor Jiang-sect kids. Maybe he’d make lots of talismans and just wave that in everyone’s faces, idk, it’s really hard to say how talismans work in this universe. Point is, I think he would’ve made things work in a less drastic way than what he ended up with, because at the time the power didn’t matter to him.

But instead Wen Chao does find him and does drop him into the Burial Mound, and whatever happens there (I really, really want to know what happens there), he comes out of it with TOO MUCH power. Power no one has ever seen before. It’s the only way he can survive there. He hoards power for good reasons, for his own survival and (later) to ensure the survival of others, but he is absolutely biting off more than he can actually deal with, and it immediately starts fucking up his life. He’s a supernova in the making. That bottomless source of power not based on his own physical limits + the Tiger Seal + his apparently endless well of traumatic life events means that he is absolutely going to collapse in on himself at some point. He loses reputation, and standing, and then people. He is almost universally reviled, with multiple actions both correctly and falsely attributed to his name. He knows it’s happening—Who can tell me what I’m supposed to do now?—he’s lost every reason he had for hoarding the power in the first place, he’s having uncontrolled explosions of power where thousands of people die, and so he tries to give the power back by destroying the seal so no one can have that power, but power doesn’t work that way: it has to go somewhere, and it goes through him in an event that people are still talking about over a decade later.

And yet. Does anyone learn anything? “Hey, that seal seems like a super dangerous tool there, maybe it should … not be used ever again? Be destroyed? It made that guy incredibly unstable and then he exploded over the whole cultivation world, maybe we should… not?”

No, of course not. (Aside from Lan Wangji, the Nie sect and Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji seems to have developed this knowledge early. Wei Wuxian learns the lesson; it goes hand-in-hand with his (novel) daydreams of leaving the life of a cultivator to be a farmer with Lan Wangji. I think Nie Mingjue knew it too, because the Nie sect has some themes going on with the damage power can do, but he didn’t get a chance to talk about it much. Nie Huaisang, in addition to Nie sect things, is very observant and doesn’t have strong ambition at all until he starts getting fucked with, so he has less to figure out on this front.)

Everyone else still thinks it was about the Wens, and “corruption” and that Wei Wuxian was just wrong, even though they were the ones you know… killing children and elderly people in a culture that supposedly values both quite highly. Power is just power, right? Nothing wrong with power, in fact, maybe we should expand that power even more, with a centralized system of control. Supervisor posts? No, no, these are watchtowers. They’re for your benefit too, I promise. Also blackmail, lets use lots of blackmail and some really deep dungeons, but it’s totally okay because it’s us doing it, right.

Jin Guanyao is Hou Yi, the archer who shot down the sun (that link again), and rose to become an imperial tyrant—whose cruelty led his wife to abandon him (I’ve read multiple versions of Hou Yi, but this one fits here) and cut short his quest for immortality. His whole life is about gathering power, and justifiably so given how aware he is of the precarious nature of his position for most of it. Anytime someone feels like it, they can cut him down with a single reference to his mother. It doesn’t matter what his talents are, or how clever or well-spoken he is. Everything he’s built up for himself can be taken away in an instant, because he’s the son of a prostitute and that means he doesn’t matter. This is not to say that he doesn’t deserve Nie Mingjue’s reprisal or Nie Huaisang’s revenge, of course. He absolutely does horrific, terrible things every step of the way, and for entirely selfish reasons. But he’s Wie Wuxian’s closest foil: here’s what happens when someone of merit, rather than bloodline, seeks power: they’re creative, and innovative, and oh boy are they going to shake the world. This is what happens when cruelty and manipulation take the place of love and affection in a child’s life: each perpetuates itself on a larger scale—I will kill even those closest to me vs. I will die to protect a stranger. This is how the quest for power plays out when the motivation is selfishness, rather than selflessness. In the end, both are inherently flawed, because the power itself is the root of the problem.

Unlike Wei Wuxian, Jin Guanyao holds onto his power until the very last second. Literally, any scrap, even just Lan Xichen’s affection for him. His fall is fast, and guttering—so fast that it’s over before most of the world even knows it’s started. He’s a meteorite, his origins worse than obscure, growing ever brighter in the sky until he crashes to earth, leaving devastation in his wake. And I mean that literally, the power-structure of the world is shattered by the dual events of his exposure and his death. It’s so completely broken that in their rush to consolidate power once more, the person all these leaders turn to is Lan Wangji, who just happens to be the most reputable guy still standing at the end.

So, let’s look at Hanguang-jun, the Light-Bearer.

Lan Wangji is the lodestar. He’s a constant that rarely, if ever, wavers in his convictions, and for the purpose of the plot he’s effectively the example of what an “ideal” cultivator should be (I know other people have written about LWJ and the Confucian ideal, especially @rustycol so I’m not going far into that here). He’s arguably the most successful character in the canon. He has both bloodline and merit working in his favor, and he’s pretty much the most respected cultivator in the world by the time he’s 35 (ages in this canon are a mess). He can disobey or even betray his clan and not be uprooted, which is a luxury literally no one else has (yes, he’s punished, yes, there are consequences, but he attacked 33 elders and didn’t get kicked out or killed! He’s still respected and part of the clan! Don’t tell me that’s not because he’s the clan leader’s bloodline—there are a lot of things that can be said about LWJ and his clan and morality but they’re for yet another post).

The protagonist thinks highly of him. The next generation looks up to him, pretty much universally. He is respected even by people who don’t like him, and has almost zero actual enemies (Su She isn’t even a luminary in this meta analogy, Su She is a dude with a lantern trying to blame the stars for the fact that he can’t fly). Lan Wangji is the guiding light that goes into dark places where chaos reigns and brings clarity, and calm, and (often unforgiving) justice. He doesn’t seek power, and he doesn’t hoard it. In the novel, the only prize he takes away from Jin Guanyao’s fall is the certain knowledge of Wei Wuxian’s love. He doesn’t want anything else, and that’s why he gets to walk off into the sunset with the love of his life and keep his peerless reputation, even in a culture as steeped in homophobia as the novel’s world. Obviously the drama has a different ending, but I think the point still stands: Lan Wangji is so well-respected and utterly reliable that I doubt anyone even thinks twice about offering him the position of Chief Cultivator. Who else could they choose, shocked and appalled as they are in Jun Guanyao’s wake, but the star that never moves no matter how the heavens turn?

It’s been a rough 15 years. Between Lan Wangji, Nie Huaisang and that last Wen child, maybe they’ll finally get that lesson about hoarding power to stick in a few more people’s minds. We can only hope.

[itsclydebitches]

Another thing about how rwby views trauma survivors reacting to their abuse or unfortunate background is that it frames the solution to healing is by serving in armed forces. Weiss and Blake joined Beacon to escape their abuser. Ren and Nora joined Beacon after the loss of their families. Winter joined the military to escape Jacques and I'm assuming will become the new Atlas general after Ironwood's death. The Huntsmen Academies are all framed as these safe havens (literally with Mistral) for anyone who can carry a weapon, meanwhile anyone who can't or doesn't want to join, or joins a group outside of the institution is depicted as bad.

To say that this is all muddied would be a huge understatement because even if we put aside the complicated message of, "Overcome your abuse by learning to punch back," at this point the combined huntsmen-military is no longer presented as a means of escape. Rather, between the rewriting of Winter's history – she has apparently been manipulated by Ironwood this whole time rather than choosing the military as a means of escaping her abuser – as well as the military aligned huntsmen – FNKI aren't heroes like RWBYJNOR anymore, willingly protecting their home, they're children who have been forced into this conflict – there's now this major divide between fighters-on-their-own and fighters-as-part-of-the-institution. We could even read this as extending to the huntsmen academies themselves, given that one has fallen, one was destroyed, and the other lost its figurehead. They used to be presented as havens for struggling individuals... now, not so much. The plot's message is not that heroes win by banding together through established structures that were designed to help those coming from bad circumstances (note how aware Ozpin is of these backstories: Qrow's bandit tribe, Blake's White Fang history, looking into Ruby's defense of the store, etc.), but rather you win by rag-tag individuals making decisions based on friendship.

Yet simultaneously, that divide is by no means neat and tidy (since plenty of stories have that latter message). As we've discussed elsewhere, RWBYJNOR is ingrained in these structures despite the story rejecting them. They got their initial training at Beacon (how many fans have argued that they learned enough there? That they're basically full-fledged huntsmen already? So, that school was pretty important, yeah?). They worked with Ironwood for months. They're using the prestige of their licenses to get people to listen to them. They're hijacking military equipment to give the world orders to prepare for an attack. Ruby became a general in all but title in that moment, in the same way that Weiss became the Remnant equivalent of a cop when she tried to arrest her father. Volumes 6-8 suddenly wanted to send an anti-military message without considering the context of their story (what does a military mean in a world where unambiguously evil monsters attack, as opposed to a world where these "monsters" are minorities?) and they failed to separate the heroes from the structures they so passionately reject. You cannot have the group stand in opposition to Ironwood and everything he represents while also encouraging the audience to oohh and ahhh at Jaune whipping out his huntsmen license to lead a group of civilians to safety. The supposed cruelty of the former and supposed heroism of the latter are meant to exist simultaneously, despite the contradiction. We went from the message that huntsmen academies, including Atlas', are a haven from abuse, poverty, etc. but now, suddenly, certain types of escapes are no longer morally sound. So just ignore how many of the heroes took the "wrong" path.

And then on top of all of that we have Rhodes. RWBY is pushing the individualism message hard nowadays – that a group of friends is better than a general and his soldiers just ignore that Ruby is their leader and they all follow her orders – yet it's Rhodes' individuality that is criticized in Cinder's flashback. He, as a single person, tries to take on the complex situation of helping an abused child and he failed. The fandom's reaction to his efforts is pretty telling because most kept falling back on structural solutions: "Why didn't he just call CPS? Why didn't he get her admitted early like Ruby? Why didn't he approach some superior to fix all this?" Most fans seemed to grudgingly acknowledge that kidnapping Cinder and raising this traumatized kid on the road while hunting grimm was... not the best idea, so they turned to the very things they've rejected in Ruby's part of the story: laws that people have to follow, schools with an hierarchy that can serve as support, someone above you whose orders you follow and whose seniority can help you in a tough situation. In Cinder's flashback people wanted Remnant to have structural solutions because, clearly, leaving one flawed man to fix this situation on his own didn't turn out so well. They (and the writers) just don't want Ruby to have to obey those same structures because Ruby is the title hero they've grown to love over eight years. We feel like we know Ruby and we assume that if Ruby is in charge she'd totally make the best decision. But Rhodes? He's a stranger, someone we see for less than ten minutes, so his flaws are far easier to home in on. Few are willing to acknowledge that Ruby is Rhodes on a much larger scale, trying things because she wants to help, but ultimately doing far more harm because she's incredibly inexperienced and is just running on her own, individual ideas, not any of the structures in place that are meant to deal with such crises. Rhodes' "Idk what else to do, so I guess I'll teach a tortured kid how to defend herself and hope for the best" is Ruby's "Idk what else to do, so I guess I'll drop Atlas on Mantle, leave with the Relics, move everyone to Vacuo, and hope for the best." The primary difference is that while Rhodes is punished through his death and the narrative makes it clear that this was the wrong choice (Cinder murders everyone and becomes a villain), whereas Ruby's screwups are continually framed as heroic. And that's because the show can't make up its mind about this structural vs. individual approach. Do huntsmen need to be held responsible for their actions, or do they need complete freedom to do the right thing with the belief that anything that goes wrong was completely out of their hands (Yangs' take)? Well, that depends entirely on which huntsmen we're talking about. RWBY's idea that some people are intrinsically good and others intrinsically bad means that the writing – and the fandom – can demand rogue huntsmen be held accountable while simultaneously cheering the group running away from arrest; curse Clover for following orders while simultaneously gushing over how loyal the group is to Ruby; condemn lies that Ozpin gives while simultaneously justifying the ones Ruby gives, etc. RWBY has no clear message, just the insistence that whatever our heroes does is good. The path they've taken, learning to fight to escape horrific situation is a good thing. The path Rhodes laid out, teaching Cinder to fight to escape a horrific situation, is a bad thing. It comes down to the characters, not the situation.

Finally, yeah, there's a complete lack of acknowledgment that either option – structural or individual – alienates those who don't know how to fight. This is seen most clearly in Whitley who asks why he'd want to be a huntsmen when he can afford an army, yet when armies are painted as unquestionably bad, the story won't admit that this leaves Whitley stranded. He had no way to escape his abuse like Winter and Weiss did. He had no way to defend himself when Weiss shoved a weapon in his face. The story never had to grapple with where it's left characters who can't fight and who shouldn't make the evil choice of relying on soldiers because Whitley unexpectedly got on Weiss' good side and gained her protection. It doesn't matter anymore because Whitley is a Good Guy now who the group will take care of. But if he'd continued to disagree? Gone to his room instead of calling Klein? If, in the future, he does something that annoys his sisters and they decide to ignore him like they did before? Well, Whitley is screwed. In a world besieged by grimm – with attacks growing with each volume – he wanted to rely on an army to help solve these problems. But then that was said to be wrong, the general died, and the army, far as we can tell, was left behind to die as well. So what's left? Rely on the huntsmen. Just hope that there are enough (there aren't), that you get a good one (not a Lionheart, or a Raven, or a Cardin, or a Dudley, or...), and that the good ones care enough to bother protecting you. Even if the story hadn't gone out of its way to show how terribly flawed individual huntsmen are – from Lionheart's devastating betrayal to Qrow teaming up with Tyrian – from a practical perspective it's just not enough. Volume 8 showed without a doubt that in a war like this, one built on a witch's ability to summon endless grimm, an army is necessary. Salem would have been into Atlas in a second without those soldiers holding her forces back. Yang, Jaune, and Ren wouldn't have gotten to the whale without that army. Yet the story never acknowledges this, instead pretending like the few individuals we see – the limited numbers the characters keep admitting are horrendously limited – could have somehow saved the day without that assistance. Everything we're seeing nowadays – which characters can use these institutions to escape abuse, which can lie to help the war, which should rely on structures as opposed to their own ideas and physical power – is a mess of inconsistent, often contradictory messages.