#so i offered both options
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Still thinking about Gortash’s coronation and how smoothly he cuts a Durge off from their companions (and wishing we had a follow up with that)
The first words out of his mouth are that he cares about them- anybody else who remembers Durge has only distain for them, but not him- he’s happy to see them, he missed them, they’re his favorite assassin and he’s only glad to see them alive
And then he takes it a step further by providing insight into their past, something Ketheric refused to do for them- and Gortash isn’t dumb. He knows exactly how Durge’s companions will react, knows that he’s effectively outing Durge when he so easily could have pulled them to the side instead
And when their companions snap at them and refuse to look at them, Gortash is still smiling. Suddenly, he’s the nicest person in the room. Suddenly, everything is unstable and dangerous- but he likes you. He’s sitting there with open arms while the companions are rightfully so mad with Durge, but Gortash is more than happy to resume their alliance
He’s more than happy to be their sole source of comfort again, and isn’t he just so sweet for that?
#anyways really wish we did have a follow up- it feels like he so very effectively gets between Durge and their companions#and all of the companions are rightfully mad at them#and then you just keep on trucking along and eventually it feels like that conversation didn’t happen#which is too bad- I think it could be a lot of fun to put more pressure on Durge and co#and I think it’s a fun insight into Gortash’s character#he’s remarkably honest during that whole conversation and it’s all incredibly manipulative#plus I like to think he knows how finicky durge can be- and how quickly they feel backed up against a wall when their friends snap at them#and there he is. conveniently offering a different option#conveniently offering for them to fall back into step#which is nifty! mostly because it’s both caring (as much as someone like Gortash knows how to) and super manipulative#durgetash#Durge#enver gortash#bg3#bg3 spoilers
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Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote
#HERES HOW BLUE-ISH STAR BELIEVERS CAN STILL WIN I PROMISE#Rendering sucks but I do like how these look very much. I hate drawing armour. big fan of dramatic shadows however.#but! as for justifications:#B-iS is an abno regarding what one so desperately wants but cannot have - possibly connecting to Blue Star and the paradise-like place-#people wish to reach by throwing themselves into it. though what is offered by B-iS is a much less refined yet as tantalising#given the text of 'The irresistible allure is almost tearing you apart' and the less refined bit being implied by both design#[jagged edges of the actual blue shape and legs like dolls - both unlike BS' much rounder and more naturalistic design]#in short it's the manifestation of impossible dreams - for Don this is her quest for a just knighthood in the City of all places#and for Ryōshū [though idk her source] it is her final work of art - the Hell Screen#when approached one's body is 'pushed away' as if a manifestation of how it is unachievable. at least it is for them#'To be truly blue the one with the true blue must be left alone in one’s blueness.'#is what I interpret as: 'to truly dream the dreamer must be left to one's fantasies'#dreams by nature do not intersect well with reality. all their flaws will be shown and they will crack under the pressure of the real world#it is why the dream pushes them away. to preserve itself. also probably has something to do with how DQ also has void dream#and this abno gives pride boosts in its event. and I personally see pride as a sort of 'self assurance' or 'self above others' so to speak#as to chase ones dreams one must think themselves the exception. as the one that can persevere over the City#plus the HP damage and the various juxtapositions in the 'forward' option may be in reference to how dreams and reality don't mix.#harming those who chase them. though all the same the 'backwards' option shows that simply tossing them aside shall hurt in its own way#to think oneself 'impure' enough to give up on chasing it is all the same resignation on your uniqueness#as for the gift: the name is possibly to do with how lower stars seem easier to reach. and the effect of damage at minus SP....#going insane dream chasing?#but to take ones leave allows for it to be left behind without any further effects. you did not look at your dreams. acknowledge them at al#but are you better off like that? not dreaming? forgetting that brilliantly unfinished star?#but anyways I hope you liked my rambles. also this abno and everything related to Blue Star is so tastefully C flavoured that I love them#and fun fact! when I was first generally mapping sinners to unfightable/EGOless abnos I entirely forgot Ryōshū somehow. which led to this.#they don't have weapons they just kick real hard and it works well enough#limbus company#ryōshū lcb#don quixote lcb#🎠🚬
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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Art trade with @vadfannypack!!
Frida's not feeling too hot right now, but her bestie, Casey, has her back!!
#tmnt#rottmnt#casey jones#rottmnt frida#big mama's assistant#cassandra jones#my art#art trade#this was so fun!!#vad's interpretation of Frida is SO COOL!!!#she and Casey are traumatized from childhood/butch besties and I Love that for Themmmmm#we both requested this duo of each other but vad didn't have anything in mind#so I gave them a few options and they chose the Angsty One lol#which I don't mind at all I LOVE Angst that has characters desperately offering comfort huhuhuhuhuuuu
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my sister's really mad at me now because i cant go to the parade but i am so Tired & Freezing && Aching
#i was looking forward to it too i wanted special cozy beverage n cookie#she didnt even seem like she wanted to go when she brought it up#i offered we could park near where the floats come out n stay in the warm car but she wants to be in with the families standing#&& i extra cant handle being looked at today#i cant handle even changing my clothes#the impact from going to the workshop is hitting today#i got stuck on the high and stayed up 24+ hrs into yesterday and now its just beating me over n over#im on the ground and its kicking my bruises#im ok as long as i stay in my bed and avoid everything irl#but thats not even an option everyone is mad at me#my mom is too because of it#they both make it sound so easy but it isnt#every movement is exhausting i feel like im going 2 collapse physically & mentally#even just writing this my face is so sore it feels bruised for no reason#and it makes me feel so extra aware of the way i look#of my meaty gross body#but ill prevail#back 2 my videyo games
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déjà vu
#thinking abt riooooo#her reactions#the way agatha threatens first 'if you do this i will hate you forever' and rio just nods. tears in her eyes but she nods#she already knew this would be the reaction and shes already decided#agatha hating her forever hurts but it's a price shes willing to pay for her duty#but then agatha /begs/#and while her own is not; agathas pain /is/ something shes willing to bend the rules for#time is everything. theres nothing else she can offer. time is what agatha asks for and she gets it. but that threat also still stands#and im sure rio knows that#shes not only buying agatha and nicky 6 years but herself too#and then the now. on the road. surprise.#i doubt it's the depth of agathas emotions shes surprised by bc shes kind of already seen enough to draw her conclusions#i wonder if shes surprised by the question. i wonder if shes a little bit insulted by the question#i dont think rio can extend lives. thats not in the job description. she cant kill. she cant un-kill. thats beyond her. before her#shes the transformation. what kills or doesnt isnt part of what she does or is.#i think she could only give nicky time bc he was theirs#nicky needed those deaths like rio. he was fed by the combination of agathas and rios powers#so the surprise when agatha asks her not to take billy could be that agatha in her super triggered state apparently really really#believes it's nicky. bc rio couldnt do anything otherwise#other option is that agatha doesnt actually understand this part#which i think would work too for me bc agatha not being able to see what rio is and does in her entirety is part of the whole Situation#anyway the surprise summed i think would be 'really? you think you can ask me that?'#which works for both options
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potentially a hot take but it is my opinion that open ended, non-linear, exploration-based storytelling in video games is not worth it if it comes at the expense of the story's pacing. If you have a thousand different roads for the player to take but they're all just thrown at the player at once with no rhyme or reason, then no amount of "player agency" is going to make any if them feel satisfying, they now just feel like a chore.
#pacing in rpgs is a make or break for me#like i love the first pillars of eternity game#but i can't deny it has some god awful pacing when you consider how much is offered for the player to do#with very little connecting tissue#and this post in particular is brought to you by me starting act 3 of bg3#the prime example imo#like i really love all the events that happen in act 3 *in isolation*#but like astarion and shadowheart's quest are just kinda there with no main story incentive#gortash and orin both have events that trigger after their defeated (karlach's cool down and orin's kidnapping victim)#but the location of the morphic pool being right in the temple of bhaal makes either option awkward#the fact that every diversion in the city results in 12 years of lag#so shit like the ironhand gnomes (while interesting and cool) do not seem worth it and bog the game down#it's just such a mess imo#i mean again in isolation i like nearly everything that happens in act 3#and even after all the patches i do feel like they nailed the ending itself#so i still call it a good game#but Act 2 is just so tight and concise and GOOD#Act 3 just feels like a chore#anyway. sorry for the sour mood on y'all's dash now.#bg3 critical#pillars of eternity critical#marie speaks
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me waking up in a cold sweat at 6:20am: "I should get evening classes to be a hair dresser & training to be a makeup artist to be my own hair/make-up person on photo/video shoots and defy industry's single-gender-dominated-and-not-improving department segregation system like the all-rounder online creator that I am 👀😤"
#I swear I don't have adhd or anything I am just having a professional existential crisis recently x'D#ok but hear me out right like how useful would it be if people could hire someone who's a one-person videographer AND hair/make-up person!#I could like double my asking rate!#you need to do one before you can do the other anyway so why have two people for it#other than that the hair/make-up women don't specialise in photography#and the videographer lads have never touched a cosmetic product let alone knowing how to use it to any level let alone a professional one#AND I'd be able to offer hiring me as either role OR both at once#I'd have more options for jobs to apply to#and I'd have full control over the look I want from my subjects#cause like I do my own hair & make-up for my videos#like I know how to cut my own hair & do my own make-up#but I wanna learn how to do ANYONE'S!!!#and I know you can do hair dressing college evening classes cause I remember that was one of the other evening classes running while I was#doing my electrician's level 2#and I know there's make-up training places in the city I've seen them before while I was looking up other things#if you do professional hair/make-up you need to take pictures of it for your portfolio anyway#and if you professionally take pictures of people you need to do their hair/make-up anyway to get the look you want#SO WHY NOT BOTH for any reason other than gender roles prohibiting the cishets from learning both skills to the required level!!!#THIS IS MY LEG UP#THIS IS MY QUEER NONBINARY TRANS ADVANTAGE#*evil manic laughter*#edit: and smth smth the thing where women & afab ppl don't do their skills to a professional level#unlike cishet men making everything their job and therefore succeeding professionally even in trad-female dominated skills/industries#hence I should LEARN my matr skills to the level required for professional stuff rather than limit myself to patr skills#that I have a disadvantage with due to cishet male-dominated nature of this industry/tech department#AND it'll give me an opportunity to message my detrans previous hairdresser (as I live too far away from her now)#being like 'u were one of my inspirations for this I also wanna learn how to cut mullets real good hope ur doing well T^T' x'D#AND I could apply to screenskills' trainee finder in another department in a few years regardless of whether or not I get in this year#(I applied to the camera one this year)
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in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp
#elise's posts#SO many youtubers etc I like are promoting this shit#fyi for those who don't know it's a REALLY unethical business trying to take advantage of the mentally ill#and before you say 'but how else am I meant to find a therapist that does online sessions'#post-pandemic most therapists offer this#and if you want the whole 'I can text my therapist for therapy anytime 24/7' thing...#sorry I know it might sound useful but it's SUPER bad for both your own mental health and your therapist's#sorry but therapists are not meant to be there for you 24/7#that's not their job and it's really unhelpful for YOU to become dependant on a 24/7 therapist#betterhelp do not vet their therapists thoroughly#and some people say they have been evangelised to on betterhelp by preachers who ask the algorithm to assign them queer and atheist clients#many reputable therapists state that it's a terrible business model promoting unhealthy practices to patients#it claims to be the cheapest option but it's more expensive than the most expensive therapist I've ever had (I'm in the UK)#and significantly more expensive than the cheapest who was still good and probably more qualified than some people on betterhelp#you pay extra for the middleman#(being allocated a therapist you didn't choose and vet yourself isn't great anyway imo surely you want agency in this huge decision?)#and I'm sorry but pride counselling is a branch of the same company#please just look for therapists that specialise in your needs through a regulatory model and get in touch with them directly#not all of them have waitlists and tbh if every therapist on betterhelp is available whenever what does that say about them
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i absolutely cannot let myself get started on another fic until im at least onto chapter 5 of caecilian but the temptation to write something of aaravi taking miranda monster hunting and describing the entire EVERYTHING there is real
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#mostly in the duality that is#what aaravi actually does as a monster slayer and the context that it exists within both in her own life and within the world#and with the fact that miranda doesnt actually sincerely identify as a monster nor care about that divide#to her this is landfolk on landfolk problems that merfolk have absolutely no involvement in#she only gets labelled a monster by landfolk who care about this and using criteria that wasnt made with merfolk in mind#and goes with it because really shes trying to do her job and serve an ambassador role and Whatever#its the same as her picking a gender basically at random. there wasnt a none of the above option that was offered nor applied#to her aaravi is basically a mercenary and thus her feelings are the same as a mercenary#shes not meaningfully different than anyone miranda already knows through bellanda#and aaravi has. complicated feelings about it.#aaravi has complicated feelings about all of this#miranda occupies a role like aaravi herself where she fails to fit into either side of a duality#but aaravi also has a rising guilt about her involvement that she has to explain to miranda in the first place#and all of this parallels miranda's role as princess too#about how little aaravi knows about her atrocities and what shes done and what it MEANS for her to be what she is#as someone who was never subjected to it and has no context for how bad it really is#theyre very much two sides of the same coin tbh#very alike each other but in opposite contexts#which tbh is part of why they work so well#its the combination of understanding and support and yet just enough challenge to stop them from buckling down harder#theyre able to call each other out because they know personally exactly whats happening in the others mind#which is also why i dont like ships that just wholeheartedly encourage aaravis whole everything without understanding whats going on#the same as why i hate ships and endings that have the other person just joining miranda as royalty#like. no. no these are not neutral endings here. you do not get to absolve anyones involvement here.
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anyway I like the idea of shri’iia taking specific underdark materials/items with her before they left like she’d probably spent some time harvesting specific spores and other ingredients for potion making. I also think she’d splurge (steal money from the group wallet) to buy very specific poison bottles that has a very underdark/drow aesthetic. like I think blurg would have some that he’d gathered from his time there, and maybe they’d come across some from the myriad of corpses they’ve looted from. anyway shri’iia having her own little pack of underdark Stuff and she keeps it as some sort of security blanket bc she’s terribly homesick more so that she can’t go home anymore, and she spends her nights at camp brewing poisons similar to how her mother makes them (and it’s a practice she hasn’t done in so long so there’s a lot of trial and error and trying to remember it since a good century has passed) and that’s how she keeps herself busy if she’s not spending time with someone.
…and when the terrible, terrible crush comes creeping in she likes to make poisons for astarion because he uses them well and often and it makes her happy to be useful in such a way. shri’iia doesn’t register this as a crush tho lmfao I think she is so used to the type of desire where it’s all consuming and drowning, and she’s so used to dedicating her entire being to the one who holds her heart that a type of attraction where it’s more lowkey, and more subtle, and something that is creeping up on her slowly comes unnoticed - and she also does not know what to do with it when it comes, btw. the slow burn aspect of hag romance is bc yes it’s a slow burn and I’m a firm believer the romance only ever locks in after his graveyard scene in act 3 but it’s also bc these two are clowns
#slow burn but she’s kinda dense emotionally so when it comes it hits her like a truck that she’s like 🧍♀️❓#actually would be easier if he was just humouring her bc of his own agenda and Not Feelings. but alas here we are….!#and in that confession scene I like picking the option where she’s like [what do /you/ wanna do?] bc she doesn’t know what to do either#loool and their relationship is more like. yes they’re dating but it’s also more like they’re trying this thing out..testing the waters etc#I like pre graveyard act 3 hag romance bc it’s a scenario where they both can get so vulnerable w each other but not exactly comfortable#YET.. and I think they will prod each other’s scars and hurt esp when they start beefing over the whole ritual#bc it goes against her oath but he wants it for his protection and that’s such an interesting conflict for me heheheheh#like idt he’s the argumentative type but I think when she gets too bull headed he’s gonna point out that she’s being like the same as#before ; just mindlessly following some oath again <- like that sentiment in a more scarring way#v important to me that they both have the ability to hit each other where it really hurts .. and they end up doing it#at some point. so in spawn it’s like now they’ve prioritised and want to learn how to take care of each other better#and heal past transgressions but with ascended it’s like doubling down on that hurt but offering#a balm after so they become their salvation#oc: shri’iia.
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i'm mulling over the best way to approach this fic idea i want to write and i can't decide whether to do it as a slow slide or, like, a kilonova
and either way it is ultimately a silly fic about two geriatric hotcops touching each other a lot and either way would work but - the vibes, y'know
#i would quite like to stay home and write tonight so i can fiddle with both options BUT past me made plans so#past me also offered to host sunday dinner tomorrow because she is a fool#but at least when dinner is at my house i can drink because i don't have to drive so TOMORROW NIGHT for writing maybe#perhaps by then i'll have settled on an option
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its staring at two incredibly similar laptop and not making a decision hours
#im leaning towards the not slim option but people also rave about the slims so fhjbfvdkv augh#srry for the endless laptop posting today i just. decided n now im pulling the plug#also i can get the i5 way sooner than the slim. considering#nyxtalks#i am simply. not thinkin about the price. i hate spending money#if anyone feels the wish to offer an opinion id be more than happy to hear it!#i think fundamentally both are fine and highly regarded across the board. but i have to pick oneeeee#also the i5 comes in dark grey. maybe i should jst let aesthetics guide me
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My own hawk eyes returned, so superior to the Hork-Bajir vision. I turned my gaze on Visser Four. The head moved. He was still alive. Then I saw a smaller movement. I fluttered my wings and hopped over. I darted my beak down and snapped up the gray slug that was crawling down the doomed man’s cheek. <The Yeerk,> I said. The others came over. Cassie was human. Rachel mostly so. Marco as well. Just kids now, in a ditch, behind a burning tank, surrounded by bodies. <What should I do with him?> I asked. Marco held out his hand. He took the Yeerk. “We can’t let him get a new host. Can’t take him back to our own time. He knows now that we’re humans. We leave him here, he dies slowly of Kandrona starvation.” “They say it’s a horrible way to die,” Cassie said. Marco held the Yeerk out to Ax. <No,> the Andalite said. <I have enough to answer for.> Ax looked at Rachel, then looked away. “No,” Rachel said as Marco offered the Yeerk to her. <Not me, either,> I said. “I see,” Marco said, nodding slightly. “No one’s anxious to add another stain on their conscience? Everyone’s had enough?” He flipped the Yeerk almost casually through the air. Threw it into the flaming hulk of the tank. “Starve or burn,” Marco said, trying in vain to sound tough and indifferent. “His only choices. This is quicker.” -Megamorphs 3: Elfangor's Secret
Crying, screaming, throwing up, etc.
#probably going to come back to this to write actual meta but for now#here look at the Animorphs passage that's been living rent-free in my head this week#something about Tobias asking “what should I--” and Marco taking V4 away and making it a collective “WE can't--"#(like Jake would if he were here but Jake isn't here Jake was shot in the head Jake is dead)#something about Marco's careful outlining of their options and the consequences and Cassie backing him up about it being a mercy kill#something about Ax and Rachel -- who sat through David's nothlitting explicitly so the others didn't have to -- both bowing out#something about Tobias -- the self-described predator -- also refusing it#something about how Marco gave them a choice and made them explicitly say they wouldn't do it even already knowing he WOULD#something about how he didn't offer the choice to Cassie#something about how Cassie was already planning a worse crime that undoes this one anyway#animorphs meta#animorphs#marco animorphs#cassie animorphs
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Well I can no longer do cheaper shipping for flat items...I've had enough lol no one reads my warnings that the tracking isn't accurate..everyday I get a chain of messages acting like I'm scamming them when I literally have it in 3 different places that say USPS doesnt reliably track flat items... 😭 And then they get it 3 days later like I tell them but ppl are so aggressive when they ask about their order....so I'm just doing tje $3-4 shipping option with actual tracking 😬
#this has been stressing me out since yhe holidays of last year#i want to offer afforable options on shipping but i cant handle the amount of people who are rude when asking abt their package#some people are actually really nice but theres just so many unnecessarily angry people in my emails over a sticker#i cant deal with it anymore 🥲#and the way etsy handles their shipping options is super weird i cant offer both options at the same time for some reason
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I find the whole "this is why you ignorant idiots should still vote for Biden" crowd on here to be just. I don't even know. Jaw droppingly insensitive and selfish, to say the nicest thing I can say. He is FUNDING A GENOCIDE. Gaza is being OBLITERATED. What is worse than this. There is nothing worse than this. Are you seriously saying the best thing to do is just to be like "oh well better throw my support behind this guy anyway and harass people who are RIGHTFULLY horrified by that idea" instead of like. Idk. Realizing that this a political climate where with the right effort getting a third party candidate in office is actually quite probable. Cornel West is still in the running and he's got genuinely progressive ideas and is running with the explicit goal of breaking this stupid two party monopoly. Think beyond the edge of your nose. Christ.
#val chats#before anyones like “voting doesn't do anything wah” yeah i know. do other#stuff too please keep agitating do anything you can#but im just saying like. dude it really costs you nothing to do both and if you're not actually going to do anything more radical (and like.#a lot of u arent. no offense)#at least don't act like theres no other choice when even the incredibly corrupt and flawed system of voting OFFERS OTHER CHOICES.#are you seriously saying that old “well it's throwing it away” during a time when a significant number of people are DEEPLY disgusted by#both parties#there IS an opportunity here if you want to focus solely on voting but harrassing leftists on tumblr isnt it and i can't describe how bad#you're making yourselves look#im so sick of seeing people be condescending about how bidan is the only option
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