#so i just feel really alone plus the fact that i'm a sophomore is kinda stressing me out for no reason

[coles-scythe]

Very very rough WIP of my man 2D for a redraw of a redraw of a screenshot of a virtual live performance. Sharing on here bc I don't want this to get much attention and I wanna gush about him a lil. Old art + screenshot and f/o gushing under the cut.

AAAA the improvement from the sketch alone holy cowwww. The drawing is August of 2019, so nearly 4 years ago. Very excited to finish this one, hopefully I can tomorrow.

Anyways-- I wanna talk about my history of listening to Gorillaz and my slowburn crush on 2D. Plus a little of what I've figured out about my S/I.

2D is one of my older F/Os by technicality. I never actively self shipped with him until recently, but I've had that big crush on him since I was a freshman in high school. So around 2016/17. I was vaguely aware of Gorillaz before then, but only because my cousins had shown me two different music videos. One of Clint Eastwood, and the other of Devil Inside by Slipknot. Watching those back-to-back + having a phobia of eyes did not turn out well and for the longest time I was terrified of 2D because my cousins told me he didn't have eyes at all. I later learned from a friend I met in my freshman year that isn't entirely true, his eyes just have eight ball fractures and are drawn to look like they're gone. I had also apparently confused the Slipknot music I had heard for the Clint Eastwood video, so that friend made me watch the video again with them and I realized I actually really like the song lol. From there I fell down the whole rabbit whole for Gorillaz and 2D quickly became one of my favs. Russell is sorta still my fav because I'm biased towards drummers, but Stu is a very close second LOL. I read a bunch of fanfiction, mainly X Readers of him on Wattpad. Fun fact, this is also around the time I started seriously questioning my gender, and started reading/writing male readers to explore those feelings lol.

So then I listened to their music and doodled them occasionaly when I was first starting art in my sophomore year, but I didn't really get involved in the fandom or anything besides reading fanfiction on Wattpad. 2017 was peak for me since they dropped Saturnz Barz after years of silence from Plastic Beach. Despite all the new music I was constantly listening to, my mini-hyperfixation on the bad quickly faded. Two years passed before I realized it, it was suddenly 2019 and I was a fresh high school graduate with a massive hyperfixation on Splatoon. Phase 5 had concluded a few months prior and my brain decided it was a great time to have a little redux of my Gorillaz hyperfixation.

I started drawing them, mainly 2D, more often and got very into the fandom on Insta and Tumblr. Met some pretty chill people, a few of whom I'm still mutuals with on my main :D!! But the entire time, I was still in my "self ship is cringe" phase and kinda ignored anything I was feeling towards 2D. I was still reading and contemplating making my own X Reader fics of him on Wattpad, but that was all irrelevant to me I guess. Eventually that hyperifxation on them passed and I returned to my regularly scheduled Splatoon hyperfix.

Fast forward to another year later in 2020 and into 2021, I finally embraced my cringe and started self shipping again for the first time since I was like 9. First with Erik from Dragon Quest, then several Persona characters (most importantly Adachi lol), then Happy Chaos, and I've been jumping around from crush to crush I've had since I was a kid. Very good for the soul, 10/10 would reccomend reconnecting with childhood F/Os lol. As of a few months ago I starting thinking of 2D as a potential F/O before officially naming him a romantic F/O!!

All this time I've been tossing around different ideas for a self insert, but haven't really explored it until I named him my F/O. I'm still figuring that stuff out, but I at least know they knew each other before D-Day! Not too sure about Phase 1 stuff, but I do know they'll reappear in Stu's life during the band's break between Phases 1 and 2 and maybe they start dating each other by the time Phase 2 does roll around OwO. And then my insert also gets kidnapped by Murdoc and gets shipped off to Plastic Beach with 2D. They become the stand-in drummer for the band while Russ is MIA. Then for Phase 4 and beyond? I have no idea lol.

Sorry for just rambling about this, but I like sharing the origin stories for my F/Os and 2D is one of those that has a very long and somewhat complicated story. I've liked him a lot since I really got into the band's music, but I was so absorbed into cringe culture and avoiding being called cringe that I just ignored any potential story I could tell between us. Plus all the gender dysphoria and less than stellar reactions I got from my friends didn't exactly help matters lol. But I'm no longer an egg, those unsupportive friends are out of my life, and I am cringe and I am free babey!!!

[kuiinncedes]

holy fucking emotions :D

[fore-seer]

25 and 36 for the fe asks! <3

25. Any general or specific headcanons you have?

my favorite right now is my hc that chrom hires gaius as a second retainer after the war with plegia, inspired by the fact that most of the fates royals have two retainers each and some of them weren't exactly qualified for the job beforehand (niles, azama, etc), and although chrom and frederick already have a similar trio dynamic because of lissa, i obviously really like gaius and i think adding him into that would spice things up. plus there's stuff in-game and in the drama CDs to support gaius ending up in chrom's inner circle; he's one of three newer shepherds to have supports with chrom, cordelia and libra both consider him one of chrom's staunchest allies, in volume 1 of the drama CDs chrom, frederick, and robin are relying on him quite a bit for intel gathering, and in volume 2 he saves chrom's life, so it's MUCH less of a stretch than you'd think at first. the basic idea is that after the war frederick, as much as he hates to admit it, is worried his protection alone might not be enough after what happened with emmeryn, and asks chrom to hire a second retainer. chrom isn't all that into the idea, but he knows how frederick can be about these things, so he agrees. gaius, weird as it might seem at first, is actually a great choice; he has a skillset completely different from frederick's that can deal with threats an honorable knight might not even notice until it's too late, chrom trusts him and he's proven his loyalty, and as an added bonus frederick would be FURIOUS but unable to do anything because chrom is still technically doing what he wanted. getting gaius to agree to this is the hard part, but eventually the promise of unlimited access to the castle kitchens wears him down. (as with all of gaius' decisions when it comes to chrom, he actually is perfectly willing to do it but needs the extra incentive as a cover so people don't think he's gone soft or something.) frederick, as expected, doesn't exactly approve, but there's nothing much he can do and eventually it becomes clear that gaius' loyalty to chrom is genuine, which is good enough for him. overall i just think the three of them would have a very fun dynamic and i wanted to mess around with it! (and now i'm in too deep and can't see it being any other way)

my other favorite is that takumi and sakura are actually mikoto's kids, and not ikona's, an opinion i know i share with a few other fates fans! it makes a lot of things make a bit more sense, especially regarding takumi; his inferiority complex with hinoka and ryoma kinda gains an extra layer if he has a different mother than them, and it adds support for him being the one to go really off the rails after mikoto's death. it also fits better with what we know of the timeline, since mikoto arrived in hoshido when corrin was just a baby so takumi and sakura probably wouldn't have been born yet, and sumeragi accepting corrin as his child basically right away would seem kinda weird if ikona was still alive. also, having none of the hoshido siblings be blood related to corrin when that was the whole point of birthright feels like SUCH a cop-out, and also casts ryoma in particular in a really bad light on that route since at that point the nohr siblings have more claim to being corrin's "real family" than the hoshidans do, since mikoto is dead now and they're the ones corrin actually grew up with, and the fact that ryoma knows corrin isn't related to the hoshido siblings either means he's lying to them the entire time. so all-around i think it just makes the story work better for everyone involved!

36. Share a funny FE-related story, either ingame or not!

so it was my sophomore year of college, which was my lowest point mental-health-wise, and i was up at like 2am scrolling through pinterest (as you do when you have crippling depression) and i’d been like. kinda out of fe for a while by then bc i didn’t have much time for gaming and conquest had discouraged me a bit bc it was too hard for me at the time. so i hadn’t gotten shadows of valentia when it came out because i was too busy obsessing over star wars instead, but i was scrolling through pinterest and i saw this meme

and because i had no context for it whatsoever, and was super sleep deprived and going insane from stress and whatever else, at that moment it was THE funniest fucking thing i had ever seen. so naturally as soon as i had time i went out and bought the game. whoever made this image, if you’re out there, i owe you my life

(fire emblem series ask game)

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!