#so i guess i hallucinated having that one
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OH AND THANKS FOR THE TAG
1: What's your current bias line?
It's probably Felix, I.N and Lee Know (tho I had to choose between han and minho💔)
2: Who's the one that made you stan?
It was my friend who was just showing me some random songs, and we listened to one of Dreamcatcher and she went "oh it reminds me of that skz song" and I was like "tf is that" so yeah
3: What song was your first?
It was up all night which was the song that made them introduce me to skz😭
4: What's your current favorite song?
Uhh IDK OMG, maknae on top, thunderous, chk chk boom, jjam, lalalala, megaverse, SURFIN'?? 😭😭 I'm sorry I can't choose😔
5: What member's personalities resembles yours the most?
Bro I honestly don't know. My friends says that I'm similar to Felix somehow?? And it depends, if it's on the internet than yeah ig it could be, but irl it's probably Minho?? Idk😭
6: If you had to pick a specific racha, which would you choose?
Danceracha, probably.
7: What's one attributions of the members do you like the most? (Ex: Chans dimples)
Jeongin's smile! There's no other answer for me that I can think of so fast than this one. I could spend a whole day complimenting his smile bro 😭
8: What's your favorite album?
Probably ATE!
9: Do you have any albums?
No(t yet)
10: Have you been to a concert?
I WILL IN APRIL AHHHWGRHRVGRVEJ
11: Who's your favorite duo?
Felix and I.N!
12: Favorite cover/solo songs:
HALLUCINATION HALLUCINATION HALLUCINATION HALLUCINATION HALLUCINATION HALLUCINATION
13: Favorite skzoo?
Foxi.ny!! Literally the cutest skzoo and the one I want the most! <3
14: If you had a day with one member what would you wanna do with them?
Uhh idk omg. Maybe dancing with anyone of danceracha or just talking to Jeongin. Any works!
15: Who's your favorite singing voice?
Jeongin's!
16: Who's your favorite to watch dance?
Hyunjin and Felix!
17: Do you have a favorite skz code?
I haven't watched even half of them😭 But probably the lab one, I genuinely laughed in that whole video
18: Favorite MV?
Christmas evel, chk chk boom. UHH AND MEGAVERSE AND TOPLINE AS WELL
19: Who do you think you'd be best friends with?
UHH IDK?? I love myself sm that I think none of them would actually like me😍 but if I HAVE to pick one than Han I guess???
20: let's feed those delusions: who are you picking for a date and what are you doing?
Jeongin or Felix. I can't choose between them okay? 😭. And definitely watching movies or series all day and discussing the plot. Or going to the shopping mall.
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Tagging! No pressure🙏 @hannamoon143 @chronoghoul
.·:*¨ 𝑮𝒆𝒕 𝑻𝒐 𝑲𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚 ¨*:·.
20 Questions for my fellow Stays!
Making a little tag game because I love them and I’m nosy tbh. I also just love interacting with yall!
1: What’s your current bias line?
2: Who’s the one that made you Stan?
3: What song was your first?
4: What’s your current favorite song?
5: What members personally resembles yours the most?
6: If you had to pick a specific racha which would you choose?
7: What’s one attribute of the members do you like the most? (Example: Chans dimples)
8: What’s your favorite album?
9: Do you have any albums?
10: Have you been to a concert?
11: Who’s your favorite duo?
12: Favorite cover/solo songs:
13: Favorite SKZOO?
14: If you had a day with one member what would you wanna do with them?
15: Who’s your favorite singing voice?
16: Who’s your favorite to watch dance?
17: Do you have a favorite SKZ Code?
18: Favorite MV?
19: Who do you think you’d be best friends with?
20: Let’s feed those delusions, Who are you picking for a date and what are you doing?
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Really trying to gauge if a clear majority agrees on one specific interpretation. I’ve heard many, and have always been confused why people believe rocking chair guy is an old retired pirate. To be a pirate during the golden age of piracy and be alive in the New Orleans Square setting, he’d have to be nearly 200 years old. So I guess if this is your answer I would love to hear how this works as well!
#disney#disneyland#pirates of the carribean#a pirate's life for me#new orleans square#blue bayou#poll
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Maroon, Yellow, Emerald, Indigo, and Pink for Axel! - ⏳️🤍🖤
@hearts-and-stars yesssss thank!
🔴/Maroon: Tell us about the perfect date night scenario with your f/o!
already answered so im slightly changing the question to just describe a date
he took me on my first ever visit to halloween town! bc he knows i like spooky shit and had never been there before 😅 world magic made us both look delightfully creepy and we had a good time just wandering around (it was pretty close to halloween so most of the inhabitants there were busy oops)
💛/Yellow: Imagine a fantasy au with you and your f/o! What roles would the two of you take? How would the story end?
ok so originally I was going to say beauty and the beast but it doesnt quite work out, but then i thought hades and persephone and oooo yes i want that one. axel as hades and me as persephone and obviously we're in love by the end
🟢/Emerald: Are either you or your f/o a good cook? Or is the kitchen being declared a disaster zone and you ordered out?
i can bake lmao. i can cook with a recipe, but i dont rly enjoy it. Axel can cook simple stuff, but that's about it. we won't burn the kitchen down, but we're ordering takeout pretty often 😅
🔵/Indigo: Do you have a favorite image/gif/video of your f/o? Show us!
flamey bf go brrr :)
💗/Pink:
Show us the emoji(s) you associate with your f/o! (Bonus: Tell us why?)
already answered so ur getting emojis he associates with me :)
💚🌌💃🪴
green heart and space emoji are hopefully obvious
dancer bc he says watching me fight is more like watching someone dance (i took years of ballroom i cant help it 😅)
plant got added bc he saw my "garden" (the floor to ceiling wall of various plants from various worlds)
#ask games#morgyn tag#memorize this#i actually wanted to use a gif from like 2 seconds after this one ends but i? dont have one?#so i guess i hallucinated having that one#and i couldnt find one in his tag either :/
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spn 7x15 was truly crazy. having the resurgence of the narrative showing us sam’s hallucinations of lucifer in the same episode where we see ex-vessel of a demon, his entire life wrecked by the possession, completely obsessed & in stockholm syndrome-y love w the demon that possessed him. i want to analyse this episode scene by scene. who wrote this one. what did they mean by it
#such an upsetting episode for sammy. him framing his worsening breakdowns as him ‘letting lucifer in’#him framing his worsening hallucinations as him having ‘let lucifer in’. hallucifer saying ‘you wanted it’.#supernatural is such a crazy show because it’s like so thoughtful and deep and interesting sometimes and then like half the time it’s like.#right let’s never touch on this again#i guess it’s what happens to an extent when u have diff writers all the time#one ep is like Haha funny sam has no bodily autonomy🤣🤣and the other ep is like#detailed but metaphorical examination of the trauma of being assaulted and the havoc it wreaks on ur mind#oliver talks#sam winchester#spn#spn 7x15
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murder time trio should get to all experiment with dead bodies. why? because they can and it would be cool (okay but seriously i'll provide an explanation). all these freaks are scientists. i think it would be cool and funky if they all got to experiment! except morbidly and bloodily because none of them are right in the head now
killer like has his whole thing with wanting SOULs for some unspecified reason??? i'm just gonna steal the common interpretation that it's so he can find a way to fix his own soul through coding. but like,,,, what does he do with the desd bodies??? all the fellas he stole those souls from??? well this is where dust and horror come in
it's One Panel and i'm ABSOLUTELY reaching here but there's a (single) panel in horrortale where horror's pulling apart some sort of human limb like an arm with a device. why? what for? i dont fucking know at all man like papyrus said why is he always doing something weird in his room. anyways i'm just gonna guess its probably for rationing in horrortale (but it could also be that horror just felt like ripping apart an arm. for scientific purposes. or because he did this after ripping off aliza's arm so maybe he's doing some sort of recollection reflection or something i dunno im not a professional on this man). killer could totally send all the already dead HUMAN bodies horror's way for horrortale's food situation. maybe horror likes to dissect the humans yk maybe he's not just the type of bash (a head open) and dash. monsters dust so you cant see their guts but humans dont so horror gets prime time first hand experience on the human body! and then after he's done poking around in the brain he can give the meat and organs to papyrus for him to do his specific spaghetti confectionery
but but but what about the monsters that killer takes the souls from! surely he doesn't just take from only humans (dude idk if he actually does take from only human or monster. probably not right? he needs to study BOTH types of code so he can be most informed) so he must also take monster souls. and fortunately for dust (i do NOT think he'd quite like handling gore) monsters don't leave behind bodies or blood or allat they leave behind dust. hah. dust experiment with dust. i think its already a headcanon out there that dust likes to study dust. i cant exactly recall WHY exactly but maybe it's for sentimental reasons or just something to do to pass time between resets. so killer can just pass on whatever dust he gets to him and he can put it under his little microscope and be a little nerd what a GEEK. give this guy glasses and remove all his teeth but one i guarantee you he'll look like 🤓
and once again i hear you cry out but but triglycercule! why would killer even give the dead bodies and stuff to horror and dust in the first place??? erm number one because i said so silly. jk. and number two (if we're going in a nightmare's gang context here) it could be as a way for killer to gain horror and dust's trust. a way for them not to tattle on him for stealing souls for some unknown reason. maybe there's somehow important coding information left behind in the bodies/dust (because that's literally what utmv is made of) and killer wants dust and horror to do that work for him for some reason. maybe just a way for him to get rid of evidence maybe if theyre buddy pals and close enough just as a gift. i dunno man there's a bunch of reasons as to why he could possibly do this. i just really liked the thought of the trio all wearing fancy lab coats and goggles and i was like damn how can i make this a real possibility
#you can really sense the i dont know what the fuck i'm talking about energy in this one#all i had was a SINGLE!!! just ONE vision and there was straws for me to grasp so i fucking CLASPED those straws man. i'm totally reaching#listen when you gotta make do you gotta make do. the idea's cool and funky though i really like the vision#is the utmv code based or is it creativity based. which one#does the utmv look like a bunch of files or does it look like the doodlesphere. is it a concept or code???#i think that it's up to personal interpretation. it could also be both#i love the different possibilities that could be made based on the different code vs concept utmvs#with code you have possibilities like changing the files and breaking the game and stuff like that (error and killer etc)#BUT ALSO with creativity and concepts you can come up with characters just by saying oh i drew them or something like that (ink)#it just depends on the vibe you're going for i guess. darker stories sometimes have more associations with code#i like to think they both coexist but also are different#there are sections of the utmv that are purely coded like the antivoid and then section purely creativity based like the doodlesphere#and then there are worlds that have both like the code makes up the concept. or the concept makes up the code. either one#goddamn it everything just leads back to error and ink's digital vs traditional motifs AGAIN. i'm back at the fucking building AGAIN!!!!!#those two and their sick ass motifs can every elude me i feel like concepts in the utmv always have something to do with them#heh.... just shows how cool error and ink both are...... theres a reason theyre creativity and destruction (coolness factor)#hey hold on! this doesn't have anything to do with the murder time trio! triglycercule GET BACK IN YOUR NICHE!!!!!!!!!#looking back at my old posts to my new ones and i can see what lingo and typing styles i've faded out over time is so fun#or maybe i'm just the exact same and i havent change styles at all and i'm hallucinating and need to be put down#first day school is upsetting (as usual) so i need to think and post about the mtt to feel better#my favorite coping mechanism is thinking about murderous little creepypasta versions of a fictional guy from undertale#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#bad sans gang#utmv#god i have NOT used tricule hc in a while........ i really should more#tricule hc
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Rewatching act 2.... yeah ISHA WATCH OUT FOR THE CYCLE ISHA!!!!! NOOOOO
#ambessa setting up the logs on a fireplace while literally adding fuel to the fire with cailtyn... subtelty#silco spent his whole life trying to rile the undercity together STUPID JOKE THAT IT IS you have the chance to pull it off#isha is the true revolutionary after all... jinx get up to her level#was jinx scared of having hallucinations when the girl she released was gonna touch her shoulder??? and then she didn't#what i find really funny is that warwick knows how to use elevators and that funicular to the prison#also there is a lot of blood when he appears in the prison.... it was surprising#vander recognizing jinx with the name of powder after she complained about it eariler its just crazy crazy crazy#people commenting that its unrealistic how caitlyn bests vi when they meet in episode 6 as if there wasn't a montage about how she lost her#edge because of alcohol and living like shit.... she's not like jinx lmao....#rewatching so recently is so weird i imagine it is as close as being dr manhattan as i can get it is literally happening all at once#also the people of piltover are so dumb... lets let the government implement martial law and put this 20 something with 0 political#experience on charge with the army of this outsider agent. alright. i can tell you guys dont vote in this oligarchy you know fuck all#well i guess in that case it isnt the people of piltovers fault... just the important families that contribute in this oligarchy...#putting count fagula in charge.... salo is speciallt dumb but we all knew that#katie leung needs awards btw.... and interviews#“do not test this or you will yearn for caitlyn's dungeons” be careful singed my friend vi fell for that and look at her... her dungeons...#vander reaching for isha not jinx.... OR VI.... she just stopped him#“hes gonna kill you” and vi fighting vander to protect jinx.... yeah#and then she trusts jinx and the beast turns into vander... he serves as a recognizing tool for their true selves...#their mom being so worried about how to name vi and then names the second one POWDER kahdksjsk never not funny... also the barber of zaun#when vi joins with jayce she unlocks this loser flop aspect of her mother's inheritance.... two losers joining to maximize their joint flop#also vander kinda giving up this promise to protect the girls instead of bettering zaun... how it puts him in a standstill bc it's either or#like damn there is nothing as undoing as a daughter for reals. she didnt experience that bc she died so now vander has to and here we are#episide 6 starts with the end of the episode when viktor drops that metal piece..... hello..... is this anything#“do you think this place could work” underground utopia.... DYNASTIES AND DYSTOPIA FEAR IS NEVER AN OPTION SO DYING'S NOT A REAL PROBLEM#didnt ambessa suspect anything when they spent loke a full minite staring at each other 😭😭 she's lost her edge...#just like when she clocked sevika but not jinx... when there's a strong butch in the area her radar gets jammed up#and caitlyn leaving her weapon behind... ambessa thought she was gonna fistfight warwick or something#the metal thing falling when viktor dies repeats THREE TIMES WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#watching arcane season 2
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that certain popular weekly seinen manga that rhymes with.... snow she no go - IT HAS become kind of unfortunate and largely incomprehensible BUT. they did go off with the symbolic big pointy stars in the eyes. very fun visual choice, very shoujo manga symbolism of them
#up there with penguin revolution's inexplicable hallucinated bird wings representing star power for me#although. bow she no glow doesn't have as clear of a symbolic meaning#like at first i thought maybe it meant star power or like lying or fantasy or something. public personas?#but then in the middle it leaned more to mean revenge? but only for one character?? and now maybe its something to do with legacy#and also maybe just there for fun i guess. yeah im still reading it. im so far... i need to see the trainwreck finish burning#(sorry im very harsh on it. it started okay and then got so so so good and then like)#(right after the arc theyre adapting in the anime rn it took a NOSEDIVE jfskdhjvsfklds)#now i just read it head in hands. full kubrick stare. rolling in the deep playing in the back of my mind. we could have had it all...#BUT i do like that visual choice. even if its a bit inconsistant i still like it i think its fun and visually appealing
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the block button isnt enough i need to set things on FIRE
#SORRY. i just. jdskfjdskljfdskjlfjlk#someone reblogged a post. the post is a screenshot from [REDACTED]'s twitter apparently#so even tho i have [REDACTED] blocked here i will NEVER BE FREE#....but i didnt kow they had a twitter so i guess i gotta go block there too#it was YET AGAIN a situation of me going#oh thats a fun fanart- wait. wait i know that art style. is that [REDACTED]. god damn it.#UUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHH#at least they have a really distinct art style [to me anyway] so i almost always catch myself if a stray post ends up in my feed#i had the same reaction a while back when someone reposted their art on insta#the thing is a lot of their art is fine but#i had enough like.... eyebrow raising suspicion that i dont think i ever followed them#and then one day they Posted The Thing I Blocked Them Over and i just cannot have that near me EVER#no shade to anyone reblogging their stuff tho bc i feel like most ppl probs wouldnt know#but i bear the burden of knowledge. i saw that singular post and it is all tainted FOREVER#oh i already have them blocked on twitter LOL ok. good lord they have a lot of followers#DO THEY KNOW..... HAVE THEY SEEN....#god. one day im gonna start thinking i hallucinated that post but i know what i saw. and it was Really Gross 😭#sorry to be a vague little bitch i just dont wanna start shit and i also dont want to give people The Mental Image Im Cursed With#it's ok i have seen cute fanart now and i am healed im calm im normal im moving on
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#okay i actually want to rant a bit 😭 - not advised to read this because then you might get brain damage#because oh my god??????? weird#(was going to write an entire diary but nvm here’s the gist of it)#basically i was coming home from this chem thing right#i used the train as i always do when it comes to this. and because the new station just got a shiny renovation it is now connected to the#new mall in front of it (we have two now it’s an addition to the first one). and guess what 😭#i had to go in and get to the first mall because my dad said he’d just pick me up at the lobby instead of the bus stop in front of#the station entrance right.#and when i was on the elevator going up on a call with my mom about food orders 😭#the guy i used to have a very very VERY heavy crush on in middle grade got to the elevator leading down just as i was on the landing 😭😭#and i had to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating so as he was descending and his back turned to me i examined the back of his head and i’m#pretty sure it was him. curiosity killed the cat i should’ve remembered that shit because you know what my stupid ass did??#i was already walking away on my way to cross to the first mall but then that curiosity got the better off me and i steppedonto the elevato#leading down 😭 and followed him out into (apparently) the fucking bus stop#oh my goddd I JUST REALIZED this is my the one moment help#except i don’t think he recognized me because i was never even friends with him lmao. wrote tons of poetry about him ✅#actually had one proper conversation with him ❌#i was delusional and kept alone with my thoughts living in my head do not judge me#but seriously even though i don’t really care about him anymore this would’ve been (unfortunately) SUPER important to middle grade me#she would’ve taken it as a sign or something and write like five pages about it#and i just keep thinking about that#funny how things change because IF YOU KNEW how many credits and exaggerated compliments i gave him in my old journal#oh you would’ve laugheddd#like i used to SPEND SO MUCH TIME pondering over him it’s so 😭#i used to have an oc and i think i based it on my idea of him and then i think that idea of him was even the reason i started to TRY to#write poetically. and i used to relate every taylor swift love songs to him (esp the ones in debut lover and rep and fearless) IT WAS SO#FUNNY LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW#i think he did see me though. i put on this act as if i was searching for someone confused and then (my go to) pretended someone called me#and then i whisked off as if to find that someone#i’d like to think i look pretty cool though. not because of anything (def not my looks because i was SO TIRED from that extra chem lessons
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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only way i got through the day was hallucinating megumi beside me the entire time
#IT WAS SO COLD TODAY#wind was blowing so intensely#i kept picturing megumi walking beside me when i was outside n giving me his jacket#everytime i got distracted i could just hear his voice telling me to focus hehe#i should mention it was my first day back after a week of skipping classes cause i was sick#it was all just a haze but i got through it with hallucination megs !!#we did it guys#anyways he accompanied me to every single class#ngl i literally stepped foot in one of my classes and then#my teacher was like safi great you’re here !! we had a test yesterday that u missed btw n u can make it up right. this. instant!!#and i was like um. okay.#internally panicking#but the test seemed pretty easy so i hope it went well#it was super short too like a little quiz#but i was so surprised help#my friends told me about it n i really thought she’d give me a few days to prepare or smth#anyways guess who’s home now hehe > <#gonna eat smth yummy so i stop feeling dizzy and then lay in bed and do some homework#i have so much#megs is nagging me to finish it#if you read my entire rant then ily and if u skimmed it then ilyt#but if you didn’t read a word and skipped to the end then just know that megumi is flicking your forehead really hard rn#꒰ soon you'll get better. ꒱
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This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder
#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me#rambling#like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that#and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them#and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it#what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone#and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns#and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn#and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow#but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain#and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years)#then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain#funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism)#about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes#its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism#i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness#bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions#in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either#there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too
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Jesus Christ why are auditory hallucinations so much scarier than visual ones? Like they're not even saying anything to me, it just sounds like voices with no distinguishable words and there's no one else in my house rn so uhh
#im starting to wonder if my antidepressants were leaving permanent side effects. but if they can even do that no one told me#like the first one i tried was cymbalta and i stopped because i COULD NOT sleep on it after a few months#but then when i stopped it got a littoe better but my insomnia is still much worse than jt was before#and it has not went back down to what it was before since. id say its about twice as bad so definitely noticable#and then after lexapro (which i didnt even stay on because the initial side effects were killing me) i tried prozac#and the reason i stopped prozac was because it was giving me hallucinations#which guess what. they ALSO have not stopped since then#if anything theyve gotten worse#like idk maybe i have a genetic predisposition and the prozac just triggered it or something but hhh#id really like to know whats wromg wjth me
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... I would like to know about your OCs... pretty please?
-🎀
ribbon anon my dearest!! you wanna hear about them? 🥺🥰
the drawn characters are rei hayden and raven hayden, and they're meant to be twins. "meant to be" because... well, let's backtrack a little.
the story on raven's side starts on one fated new years eve. he's spending it alone, unhappy, contemplating his life. he makes an unwise and impulsive wish, yearning for something different.
this wish yoinks him and transports him to a very scary place <3 but dw! there's a guide person! and he recognises raven (which is odd :3c) and keeps saying this is a place for lost souls.
but he also says raven isn't lost.
the place kind of turns into a nightmare, the world shifting and reshaping around raven, and– there's a maze, and rising water, and lots of mirrors, except every single of his reflections looks different and acts on their own. (and not in a good way. they look kind of desperate.)
i'm trying to be concise here, so let me just say he gets out of this mid-world (by drowning while staring at one of his reflections that looks so so sad <3) and wakes up... in a bed. in an unfamiliar apartment. with a person with his face telling him to hurry up and get ready for school.
so! huh. that's weird.
raven's never had a brother, least of all a twin, but here rei is, flesh and blood, looking at raven in a way only an annoyed family member can.
here's some fun bits about the story:
raven is considered to have an irregular amnesia where he occasionally forgets everything about his life. this alludes to this not being the first time something odd has happened to some raven in this world. it's also not medically accurate, because, spoiler alert, it's not amnesia. and our raven remembers his life, and this wasn't it, thank you very much.
rei is the irresponsible brother. the troublemaker. the lone wolf. he also gets into fights and has enemies. he tries to reaaaally sell that he doesn't care.
raven kind of sees through that lie, gradually at first, then more steeply.
raven has a digital watch that stopped working the moment he was spirited away. which is 8 seconds before midnight on new years eve. it's his only possession that's carried over.
the new years eve hasn't happened here yet. it's before christmas.
you'd think this world is Nice and Safe and Normal, besides all that, but wrong! raven still sometimes catches his mirror reflection moving of its own accord, and he hears voices behind his back, and feels phantom touches that sometimes feel a bit too real. let's not forget about the nightmares.
he's exhausted and confused and scared and it's getting worse.
basically, he doesn't belong in this reality. these are the ways in which this reality is rejecting him, absolutely messing with his perception <3
there's a lot more going on here, about why he's here, and what happened before, and what the voices are actually telling him, etc.
there are other characters too! (but i tend to draw mostly just raven kjxbnk) the other characters include:
evia, a bullied girl with a horrible home life who just wants to escape it all, and gets tangled in with rei thinking he might be her ticket out (seeking out protection, even for the price of being used)
nick, a gang leader who doesn't shy away from violence, thinking rei needs to pay for some things he did in the past and learn his lesson (his methods are questionable; he's ready to hurt and destroy anything in rei's vicinity to prove his point and bring rei down to his knees)
and kye, nick's friend, who's genuinely only trying to do a good thing, but agrees with nick that rei needs to be stopped. he tries to take people away from rei safely, in order to protect them from the blast zone of this mess, convinced rei doesn't really care about them anyway.
here's a 2022 art of raven as a bonus <3
#ange answers#ribbon anon#sor#(the story is titled Soul of Raven)#i could ramble more about them gosh#i've had this story in my head for the longest time#it was my longest writing project ever#(hmtb currently has that title. went insane with that one huh)#thank u for asking about them!!#cw hearing voices#is that a valid cw?#uhh#i don't know what tags this needs#cw blood#for the art#the story has horrory elements i guess? never thought about it as horror but yeah maybe a little bit#i don't know if i should call it mental health struggles when all the paranoia and hallucinations come from somewhere else#but yeah raven's not having a great time in this story <3#there are points with suicidal ideation and mentions of suicide in the story too so. yep.#losing grip on reality#< yeah that tag#(looks at hmtb scar. haha. me and that tag huh?)
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The weird energy is the Eldritch form that he still hasn't unlocked yet~ :P
Ha yep. Energy basically leaking from his inner Eldritch form/powers that are just waiting for the right moment to truly emerge. Like maybe for now it just gives off a weird energy/vibe around the immortal boi but at its strongest is when it starts to drive nearby people mad. Something perhaps he'll have to deal with and learn to control one day..?
#South Park#Kenny McCormick#still awaits/dreams of Eldritch Immortal Boi for now guess we have to use our imagination XD#kind of imagines his visions of his deaths leaking into this energy sometimes so peeps get sort of#hallucinations of his POV of dying one of his deaths? I can do these dark Kenny HCs/concepts/ideas all day . XD
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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