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skzoologist · 1 year ago

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Ok so I have another idea,

So bae is having a bad day and struggling with something, feeling insecure making him feel really stressed and down and he considers harming himself to cope with it thankfully one of the members notice him (Feeling in a minho or chan mood rn so if you could write it as them that would be amazing) and check up on him right before he was about to and stops, him comforting bae

P.S You don't have to write it if you aren't comfortable writing something like this. Ngl I dunno what came over me with this, maybe I am self projecting?

-🐿️

word count: ~2.1k

warnings: self-harm, self-deprecating thoughts

genre: heavy angst, hurt/comfort

a/n: I know I got another ask from a different follower a day ago, but this is just activating my own spidey senses, so this enjoys priority. Also I'm alright writing this, because it touches on a part of Bae's lore that I haven't revealed yet, so don't worry about that. But 🐿️ anon, my sweetie, if you ever really have these thoughts, talk to someone. Anyone. A friend, family, heck, even me or another online person! This isn't a long-term solution, but it can help tremendously. This goes for everyone too: if talking to me or requesting something like this helps, never hesitate to do so! Life is hard and we sometimes need some time and help to recuperate and get back to our feet. There's no shame in it.

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

As soon as Bae opened his eyes, he felt the air heavily pressing onto his skin, as if a weight was fused onto the upper layer. His limbs felt sluggish, as if his own blood and bones were cast out of pure steel and misery. The light that successfully seeped through the thick curtains felt too bright, earning a low hiss from the male.

Mornings after a migraine were always hard to bear.

The one he’d had the previous day was particularly harsh, rendering him useless as he’d been just carried away by his bandmates to the dorms in urgency. All schedules’s been cancelled for him immediately, Chan telling him how it was alright, how he should only ever focus on his own health.

It made his stomach churn.

Everyone was working themselves to the point of exhaustion every single day, yet here he was, laying in bed once again, causing inconvenience for everyone. He hated it with every fibre of his being, the feeling seeping deep inside and nestling there.

Yet, Bae put a lock onto the gate this monstrous being hid behind, forcing his limbs to move, the motion cumbersome and difficult. What would have only taken him a few minutes now took ten or twenty, an obscuring fog settling over most of his mind. Nothing felt right, yet he powered through it, refusing to leave out another day of work.

Not even Chan could stop him.

After his morning routine was done and his horribly pale skin was hidden behind makeup, he went out of his room at his own, slow pace, knowing fully well no one else was at the dorms anymore. They were all already at the company, busy with their solo schedules and practices. He himself had to be at a photoshoot in an hour, or at least according to his original, filled out schedule. His hyungs adamantly gave him not only yesterday off, but two other days as well, not leaving him any room for argument.

Little did they know he’d told his own manager to reschedule those two days amidst head-splitting pain and blurry vision. It was an arduous task, but he’d managed.

Once he was down in the lobby and ready to go, his driver was surprised, safe to say, the expression obvious as it sat out onto his face. But he’d been working with Bae for long years now, thus that was the only indication about the idol’s unexpected appearance. No words were exchanged, the two acknowledged the other with a respectful nod and off they were to their destination.

The drive wasn’t long, leaving Bae no time to sink into his thoughts as he watched the scenery fly by through the window. Even the weather was feeling down, the skies grey and melancholic. It felt as if in the next minute the clouds would start weeping, openly pouring their heart out in a silent farewell.

Once the car was parked, he slightly nodded at the driver who was looking back at him, opening the door and stepping out onto still dry pavement. His legs automatically took him into the company, something he was grateful for with his hazy mind. The only thoughts that were coherently formed in there were about his bandmates and how he wished he wouldn’t run into them accidentally. He really didn’t have the energy to hear what they had to say and berate him over not resting.

It seemed like his prayers were heard, nobody noticing him as he was silently walking through the halls, as if he was a ghost tied to them for eternity. The moment the staff saw him enter the room they bowed and greeted him, something he reciprocated silently with a bow of his own.

He was soon whisked away to a chair, his makeup and hair professionally done. Even if the workers noticed the bags under his eyes or his unnaturally pale complexion, none of them acknowledged it, opting to instead silently work away with precise movements.

The different array of powder snugly stuck to his skin, just enough to make him feel like the idol he was supposed to be, not a smidge more. The colours were vibrant, the exact opposite of what he felt like under the mask he’d put up, something that fit his idol self only. His bleached, white hair was gently clipped up, a few chosen strands taken out and purposefully left hanging down, framing his face elegantly. A glint caught his eye, the dangly earring in his left ear catching light and shining brightly.

The man who looked back at him in the mirror felt like someone else.

Tearing his gaze away, he let the stylists choose his outfit and got into position, everyone’s eyes on that stranger who he was supposed to be. With a cold gaze he did his job, perfectly executing everything that was expected of him. Even after the sixth outfit change, the final one, and endless photos taken over the course of hours, his expression remained unchanged, focus solely on the camera that was pointed directly at him.

The way back home felt like a blur to him. Stripped of the branded clothes and sheltering makeup on his face, he felt vulnerable, something those dark, swirling thoughts started taking advantage of. He tried to think of anything else, of food or even a favourite TV show.

None of it worked.

They all circled back to how he shouldn’t be skipping the group’s dance practice, how miserable he looked and how he felt nauseous, even though he hadn’t eaten anything all day. Horrendous scenarios played through his head, worsening with every passing second, each ending with him being forced to leave the group.

He really should cook something. If not for himself, then his bandmates, who no doubt would be hungry by the time they got back to the dorms.

But what if… What if they wouldn’t want to eat it? Why would they? After all, he was someone undeserving of their love, to be in the group, useless with a malfunctioning body. He wouldn’t be surprised if one of them finally would have had enough of his constant migraines and the hassle that always came with it, the constant darkness and hushed voices as he was carried away, unmoving.

He also didn’t have an amazingly unique voice like Felix, or dance moves like Minho. Hell, he didn’t even know how to produce music, like 3RACHA.

He was useless.

The knife in his hand glinted, surrounded by half-chopped vegetables. A thought ran through his head, one that would solve all his problems, permanently ending them.

Pale skin drew him in, dark veins peeking through. It felt inviting, as if it somehow grew a mouth itself and called the knife’s name, inescapably alluring.

“Bae?”

His eyes were drawn from the freshly drawn blood, only a few droplets escaping and coating the surface of the blade in a bittersweet vermillion colour. Chan just stood there, frozen, hand stopped midair, no doubt in the process of taking off his bag. Their eyes met, dull ones with pure panic, darting between the knife and Bae’s eyes, as if no matter how hard their owner tried, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

The thud of the bag was loud in the heavy silence, unsure footsteps soon following it.

Bae just watched as the older walked towards him, steps wobbly and out of their usual, steady rhythm. Shaking hands reached towards his own ones, gently prying them apart and away from the stained, sharp object.

An even shakier breath left Chan’s lips as he just stood there, still holding the other’s hands in his gentle hold, blood now painting his skin in small rivers. Their eyes couldn’t meet this time, no, the leader’s own gaze focused on their conjoined hands, expression hidden from the younger.

Not a sound could be heard as Bae was led towards the bathroom, Chan’s hands quietly working away on taking care of the fresh wound. Bae similarly didn’t say anything, not even hiss left his lips when the alcohol touched open skin, or when it was finally sealed off, left to heal in peace.

The two remained there for a while, one standing, the other sitting, until the silence was broken by quiet sniffles, the older’s lip wobbling and eyes shining with unshed tears.

“What were you thinking?” - his voice was a broken little thing, as if he himself got hurt by the knife instead of Bae.

The younger stayed silent, numb and unwilling to burden anyone with his worthless thoughts. He didn’t deserve being cared for like this, something the voices whispered to him relentlessly.

“Bae, why did you do it? Do you hate being with us this much?”

His head snapped up from where he was observing the tiles underneath his feet, wide eyes staring into Chan’s tear-filled ones. Those obsidian orbs were filled with sorrow, the usually bright nebulas now hidden in darkness. The sight alone broke something in Bae, as if he was pulled up onto the surface of an alaskan lake from its deep, imprisoning depths.

A sound left the younger’s lips, something that vaguely resembled a word, yet no one could tell. It was quiet, broken, much like the male himself. More soon followed its wake, finally donning the form of a word and adamantly denying Chan’s question with their sole existence. His head shook as tears finally fell down upon shaking hands, ones that were raised in a sad attempt of hiding away. Chan didn’t hesitate to hug the unravelling boy in front of him, his standing form easily engulfing Bae’s small, sitting one.

“Then why?” - the question was careful, as if a single wrong word could shatter Bae into irreparable pieces.

“I don’t feel worthy to be here.” - that was the simple answer he got.

The grip on the younger tightened impossibly, Chan’s form rigid and unbreathing. It prompted Bae to snake his hands further up, clinging onto the fabric there desperately, hold more secure on his hyung. His head was buried in Chan’s stomach, afraid to be seen like this.

“My moonlight, look at me.” - it was a gentle request, one that was accompanied by tender hands, holding onto tear-stained cheeks and leading them out of their hiding.

Thumbs softly swiped the droplets away from underneath dark, confused eyes.

“You’re one of the hardest working people I’ve ever met, and I’ve been in this demanding industry for longer than anyone should have. There’s a passionate fire burning inside you, one that you never let lose its intensity. Not only do you practise and work relentlessly, you also have amazing talent in everything you do. Your singing is wonderfully soft, perfectly harmonising with anyone you sing with. You know every single one of our dances to the point where if I were to start a song from any point, you would know what dance move goes with it. And you always look amazing, no matter what you wear or do. On top of all that, you never fail to help us or listen to our problems. Never once have you turned us away in all these years.”

Chan’s eyes held a soft light, a gentle smile dancing on his lips. It stole the breath out of Bae’s lungs, his eyes stinging as a fresh wave of tears started forming.

“You can ask any of us, we would only sing your praises. Because they’re true, baby. You might get migraines often, but then what? That doesn’t make you any less of us. You work hard enough already, a little rest won’t take away from that.”

He stopped for a moment, as if a fond memory appeared in front of his eyes.

“Did you know? I love the little snacks you sneak into my bag that I take to the studio with me. I also love the little notes you always give me with it and the silly little drawings on them. I’ve never thrown one out ever since you started giving them to me.”

The look on Chan’s face was entirely too fond, something that Bae couldn’t possibly look at for too long, lest his chest burst into loved pieces. No, hiding into the fabric of his hyung felt better, unwilling to think about the way the man’s lips curved up, dimples peeking through, or the way his eyes were just slightly crinkled, holding the warmth of a star itself even through those crystal droplets.

“You’re loved, Bae. Never forget that.”

#i know it's hard #but there are people who care about you #more than you could ever imagine #stray kids #skz #stray kids oc #skz oc #stray kids 9th member #skz 9th member #glacial prince #bang chan #request #🐿️ anon #stray kids fanfiction #skz fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic

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coolfire333 · 4 months ago

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My dad cornered me with "a serious talk" after I offhandedly mentioned how sick medication withdrawal is making me and was basically a total asshat again

He thinks I'm "chemically dependant" and that there's "no reason I should be anxious because I have a good life" and I had to lie through my teeth to say no he is not a huge part of the problem and no I've never been suicidal.

He wants me off all my meds because it shocked him with how much weight I've gained since going on them (I've told him time and time again how sensitive I am about my weight but he keeps fucking bringing it up how disgusting I am at my current size and how I'm gonna forever be unhealthy even if I lose some weight)

He is pissed at me and my mom for putting me on adhd meds because of his bad experience with them even though I'm not even on the kind he was on literally 40 years ago and the ones I'm on aren't even causing side effects other than, y'know, the ability to focus on my job and hobbies

He blames my meds for my poor performance in college (back when I was switching majors because chemistry was too stressful) instead of them being the only think that would get me out of bed and keep me from hurting myself every time I made a minor mistake

I realize the meds aren't ideal rn but they served their purpose extremely well when I really needed them and I appreciate all they've done for me and am ready to taper down or off them entirely on my own with help from my doctor

But jesus christ my dad talks like I'm addicted to hard drugs and like I am poisoning my life by seeking medical help for my adhd and ocd. He never understood that ocd and adhd are just things that a person has that can't be controlled in the sense that I didn't ask for them and nothing triggered them they're just how my brain manifests.

He also slammed into me about not having my driver's license again and used that as an example of how I'm so "dependent" on other people and also said I don't have tools to deal with my mental health normally and that I should stop going to therapy and deal with my issues alone instead of "spending money to be dependent on someone else"

Fucking god sakes why do I even tell my dad anything about my life anymore because as soon as I'm like "oh I might be struggling with xyz" it's suddenly all my fault and time for him to say I need to just follow his 100% real and true suggestions for the key to a better life. I'm not surprised this is how he's acting but it sure never fails to shock me how little he understands about my life

#serious #text post #talking #self harm mention

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aleksa-sims · 8 months ago

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RL Story

My mother stayed with us. 😩 I was hoping 🙏🙏 that she would leave today, but..... she wouldn’t be such a pain, if she really left after just one night.

And Nico... he has nothing better to do, than talk to me about our probs early in the morning. I just woke up!! I hardly opened my eyes, he already started to dictate to me. He told me not to go to Dominick’s funeral. I was sick and should stay in bed. And well, he was right, so I’m not gonna be at Dominick’s funeral. Tbh, I wouldn’t have been able to handle this well anyway.... N. & I also talked about something else and... I felt much better after our conversation.

Nico: You’re still mad at me. I get it, but it’s not gonna go on. The stiuation between you & Daniel. I had to talk to him. You told me your version of the story, but I also wanted to hear his opinion, to understand. I think I know why it's so difficult for him to sign the divorce papers. But he’ll explain that to you, as soon as you get better.

Me: What does that mean? I mean... US!

Nico: We both know what we want. We want to stay together and we love our Baby . You don’t want to be with Daniel. You would have stayed with him last week, but you came back home and told me everything. You think you betrayed me. But I see it differently. You backed out at the last moment because... you love me. Even though you were mad at me, you ended up saying no to him.

Me: But I wanted Daniel. And I kissed him.

Nico: Maybe it’s a good thing. At least now you know... what’s important to you.

Me: Your reaction really surprised me... While you’ve changed, I’m still the same insecure person, as I was then. Bcs... I still find it hard to trust you. I mean when you’re abroad for so long. And soon, you'll have to leave anyway.

Nico: You come with me, or I won’t go. I’ll stay home with you.

Me: You didn’t really mean that. And I don’t want you to give up your dream for me.

Nico: You're my dream. If I go abroad without you, then only with the certainty that between us, everything's fine. Or I'll quit soccer.

Nico: Anyway. Rn you should just focus on our Baby and the pregnancy. The doctor told you yesterday. You need to relax! And I think you should tell your Mom that you increased your dose.

Me: You don't understand that. I’m ashamed of it. You have no idea how I feel about it. The truth is, I suspected it. Somehow I knew our baby was suffering. I felt a tremor in my belly, all day yesterday. I knew our Baby was moving, but it was different than usual. And when the doctor confirmed my guess, I just wanted to die.

Nico: It’s not your fault. The main thing, he's fine.

Me: I always think you’ll blame me one day. But I’m also relieved. It’s not easy to talk about it but as it looks, it works quite well with you.

Nico: I will never blame you. You’re trying your best to get him born healthy.

I kissed N. That moment I felt a.... deep connection between him, me and our baby. I was not that afraid anymore. But suddenly my Mom came up to the bedroom. 🤦‍♀️

She totally annoyed me! She was a little stressed out because Nico and I haven’t prepared anything for the baby yet. Besides, I still haven’t divorced Daniel. This has upset her. She was worried.

And why Nico and I had to move out is because his lease was only temporary. We had to decide, whether to extend the contract, or move out. Since his apartment had no nursery, we decided to look for a bigger home. Otherwise, the contract would have been extended for another 2 years. I didn't want that. But if I had known, how long we have waited in the end to move into our new apartment, I would have preferred to stay here. There were delays on the construction site, our apartment was newly built. We had to wait 6 months longer than agreed, until we could move into our new home. Our baby was almost a year old (10 Months) when we could finally move.... Ugh, it’s gonna be... hard for me.

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts 4 story #rl story #myrlgameplay #cw addiction #cw pregnancy

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annieqattheperipheral · 2 years ago

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Kyle. Hi. Wow. Ok. I'm sad. Wow gonna miss u hard.

Ok so the Brendan Shanahan media availability just ended. Wow, he revealed a fair bit and didn't hide that letting Kyle go was his decision and revealed when he changed his mind from fully working on extending his contract, to ok thank you but bye.

The timeline:

Off-season 2022: shanny tells dubas they're going to wait and see how the 22-23 season goes and then decide on whether or not to extend him. Kyle all cool beans super profesh

Season: goes well normal ups n downs. Owners & board & shanny are happy

Trade deadline 2023: shanny is very pleased and now there's not much else for GMs to do rn so tells dubas we want to extend you. Kyle all cool beans i want that too here's my agent's deets y'all figure it out keep me out of it while i focus on the end of season & playoffs

Friday May 12: Leafs nation crashes and burns out of the playoffs in round 2

Saturday day off

Sunday they all come in for team pictures and shanny & dubas chat and he tells dubas you did well this doesn't change anything we still want to extend you. also everyone will be talking to media tmr you don't have to i won't be. Kyle all cool beans but I'm gonna bc the players & coach have to and i should support them

Monday May 15 - Kyle Dubas speaks to media -> he did not confirm yes/no on whether he wanted to stay as GM, answers with this season was v hard on my family and i have to speak w them before i answer in any way at all

Shanny's brain goes all WTF. Yes we've talked extensively at every conversation about how hard this season has been on your family. But like did not expect that response to the media. So then shanny's all driving home that night thinking ok i have to think about the possibility of next season having a different GM

Tuesday - they don't chat

Wednesday - shanny goes to see dubas. They talk about his Monday media availability cuz shanny got questions cuz like wtf. They talk about pressure on family in this industry both as player and management. Kyle says his agent will contact him tmr and shanny all uhh ok but I'm like still so confused girl

Thursday - dubas agent sends shanny a new contract w different financial package expectations. Kyle emails shanny that night i wanna be ur GM boo🫶 but shanny already got the ick factor going and is so not into it anymore

Friday May 19/today - shanny drove to dubas office at ford performance centre and told him we will not be extending ur contract 😭😭😭

Brendan Shanahan speaks to media

If you've got the urge and u really love kyle highly encourage you watch/listen to both of their press conferences. Shanahan speaks highly of Dubas keeps it profesh there is none of the bad blood we heard about

Kyle is so awesome, open, emotional and possibly its the last time we'll hear from him for awhile since he's no longer with MLSE nor any other org. He said in his media that if he were to not be GM with leafs, in no way would we be seeing him signing with another team like next week. His answer didn't have anything to do w having other job offers.

My overall conclusion:

shanny no longer saw the 100% passion and want for the job anymore from dubas during his Monday press conference. And it's ok if that is how kyle is feeling bc he clearly needs to focus on family for a bit now after just a rollicking season & stressful as shit playoffs. Yes Kyle was in a vulnerable state so soon after playoffs elimination and probably shouldn't have been judged for his contract extension based off of that. But workplaces and jobs are like relationships where if the want to work isn't fully there anymore it is going to turn off your coworkers and boss, and his lack of confirmation of wanting to be GM to the press really drove home that he was still on the fence and iffy about going all in on the job despite the horrible 2nd round loss.

Wherever you go kyle, I'm following you, even if you go to one of my hated teams bc i know you'll fix the org & locker room culture like you did at the leafs💙💙💙

#the complete timeline of WHAT HAPPENED WHO QUIT WHO FIRED WHO #kyle dubas #my leafies #toronto maple leafs #brendan shanahan #maple leafs #leafs #tml #annieQ hockey thoughts

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blacksurvivalnostalgichanges · 1 year ago

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bored. thoughts on literally all the dna stuff

jackie- "i can fix her"

hyunwoo-i kinda get weirded out by the power dynamic in the sheer idea but tbh. it's nice i think. i just want this boy to be a little happier, man

jenny-i am DYINGGG SHE BOUGHT A BAIENGIACA

xiukai:i cant believe that, to sissela, hed be the grandma who makes you feel like you need a second stomach once you visit. funny. he's 34 with the vibe of a 70 year old

aya-what are her thoughts on fentanyl. i wonder. btw it's always funny when someone goes "NO drugs. but alcohol is great". like mate thats just drug lite

alex-now i'm curious what his disease is even supposed to be, i don't recall anything about that. if it's just some sort of chronic fatigue thing then i'd easily say fuck it and headcanon POTS just because but. i'd like to know

leon: "don't bring gifts for me >:( i'm not a kid >:(" the repression is strong on this man

chiara:i think itd be funny to have an alliance where it's zahir, chiara and aya. impossible to understand a damn word. also "i can fix her" part 2

shoichi:you know how it's canon that chidi anagonye is buff because whenever he felt stressed he just did pushups

sissela:she likes strawberry. noted. also ngl i do find the thomas sissela dynamic sick now that i think about it. for a solid second i felt so mentally ill remembering that he brought her to the experiment because he wanted her to get actually cured and not be in pain

rio-i feel VINDICATED. every time. i want to put that "rio to yuki" voiceline on my forehead. they don't get along on such a fundamental level. they have not had a single good interaction. that's why i feel feral when i see anyone ship them, she hates himmmm. also the delivery is bad but in a way that's good because it fits her, she sounds robotic but it feels like it's just how she be OHSFKSDF SHE DOESNT EVEN LIKE DOGS!!! SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING HATES HIM IM LAUGHING

echion-"i see the hesitation in your fists" about hyunwoo is making me mentally ill. also "don't be pretentious" to magnus IS SO FUNNY. he really went "stfu i'm gonna hit you". the things i dislike is also extremely funny. this sign can't stop him because he can't read, guys. though, he sounds like hunter toh to me in a way that makes me like him by association now. past me is crying but current me thinks this mans is funny as hell

tia-im crying. "what's wrong with my hair (┬┬﹏┬┬)". danny boy roasted her so hard. that "can i draw you ◕_◕ " to jenny though. i see you

daniel-even daniel cant believe it when she says she's a doctor. the doubt in this man's voice. also it's so funny how he reads people for their appearance (like "your hair is a mess) and then with yuki he just roasts him for his personality. does he think that bowl cut ass hairstyle is okay enough to focus on something else

eva-"nah i don't feel like getting a haircut quite yet" as he definitely fucking SEETHES

bianca-"oh my god a fellow weirdo!!!". four person alliance between aya chiara zahir and bianca actually. impossible to parse a single word. and it's funny that she goes gentle on sissela (i assume she's too skinny, so) and with echion she plain goes "you have literally no body fat"

johann-YO????? i am mentally ill about that one for sure. johann is so about trying to be the sort of christian who doesn't suck absolute ass and the interaction that has with the extremely complicated relationship isol and rozzi have with church and religion is so interesting to me rn

laura-how did they get away with this "things i dislike" line. also the bizarre thought process i had with aya and laura is so vindicated. police officers are her favorite

aiden-he did not just "we're not so different you and i" her. his luke is funny as hell though. "you get paid to clean? 🤨" do i need to explain society to you???? he sounds legit confused. hKFJNSDKFJ THEY JUST SHOVED ALL THE FUNNY MEME LINES ON HIM HUH. IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING BAKA

elena-she and rosalio allying would be nonstop complaining. they'd either hate each other or be like soulmates. "i hate the heat but i hate the cold" "me too" and then a look of understanding

felix-he did not hit elena with the "you'd be prettier if you smiled". i like him but. girl freeze him. also confirmation that magnus does not use steroids. weird-ass way to ask though. what if he met a trans person mid transition? would he hit them with that exact line as the poor fucker is like "yeah???"

#not a quote #i'd have to record it to save it so. oh well #learned my lesson the hard way on the first close. you HAVE to be thorough #i don't feel like it right now. might start getting it done later

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alexandriteobscuraarchive · 1 year ago

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I think I might've missed the posts about the situation but why did you split your blog up and (most importantly) are you doing okay? I know that was something that was a big source of stress for you. Also can people follow your new blog?

((First and foremost: thank you for asking if I'm okay or not. I know that's a rather easy thing to just assume one way or another online and I appreciate the care and effort. Also I'm sorry if you missed anything important, I tried to reblog the related posts a handful of times but you can't always reach everyone, you know? It wasn't intentional I assure you. To answer if I'm okay or not I'm....getting there, is the best way to put it I suppose? I'll try to keep this brief.

I'm taking a slight break (not a hiatus and while I do occasionally slap a post on the dash I'm not really speaking or engaging ic) from this blog because; and I'm trying to keep this is a simple as I can, I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of anger and resentment towards this blog (which I know is unfair to the people--which is pretty much everyone here---who haven't done anything wrong but I'll spare detailing you the intricacies of my deeply rooted anxieties and etc) which is harder for me to reconcile/progress with in a positive way compared to feeling stressed and lonely over on the new blog at the moment and so I'm choosing to focus my efforts over there because I feel like I can progress in a positive/healthy way, enjoy what I'm doing in a safe space, and so on. I am incredibly stressed---what I did and am still working on diligently to the best of my ability every day---is stressful to the point of being overwhelming if I think about it too hard, look at everything on the whole, etc, but it's necessary. It's necessary to enforce boundaries and not neglect myself a space where I can write what I want and what I love so dearly and that makes it worth it.

I split my blog up due to a lot of unwarranted harassment (anonymous for the most part but some people weren't, all of them have been blocked) that has been going on for months a thing that only increased in severity in spite of my earnest attempts to understand or work through what was going on, reconcile any expressed 'issues', repeat and thorough attempts to explain my side of things including offering to help people around the content that they professed to hate so strongly (said hate which bled over to me as a person and writer/roleplayer in general) and so on. It became untenable incredibly quickly---and if you followed me to alexandrite (which had a different name/center muse originally but I digress) from my former rp blog you'd know how severe the harassment there was and how I promised myself I'd handle such things in the future--- and this is me doing that. This experience on the whole was incredibly similar to the one that happened on my og blog and I promised myself that I wouldn't go through that again if i could help it.

I deserve to be treated better; both by myself and by everyone else, and this is me doing that (meaning treating myself better at the very least rather than staying in a hateful/hurtful environment) even if most days it makes me want to scream. Did I want to split everything up? To be completely honest no I did not. But I think in the end this is the best solution for everyone involved---but most of all this is the best solution for me---and once the stress ebbs a bit (and by a bit I mean a lot, a fucking lot, because I'm kinda drowning rn lol) I'm hoping to feel more secure. I'm....getting there, like I said. One thing at a time, always one thing at a time. I'm already doing good things over there and soon I'll be doing good things over here again too. Both blogs can (and will) coexist and we can all have fun together no matter where you follow me or who you want to interact with....eventually. I wish that people would realize how they treat others---that driving someone out of their own space when they've done nothing wrong, when the only thing they've done (or tried to do) is share something that they love with their friends/writing partners---isn't okay. I wish people would realize that how I was treated was not fucking okay (and most won't unfortunately) but I realized it and that, at least, is important. I said 'this isn't okay' and did what I needed to do not only to better myself (which is something that is incredibly hard for me to do; honestly it would've been impossible for me to do even a year ago) but to keep doing what I love. I'm trying to focus on that. I'm trying to let that drive me forward over everything else.

And to end on a further positive note: Yes, you can follow my new blog if you want to, all that I ask is that you make sure that your interest in the blog and the muses featured there is genuine and that you actually want to interact with them before following. If you liked them (any of them) and wanted to interact but never had the chance for whatever reason, or if we started something but never finalized anything yet, so and so forth, you're welcome to come on over because I'd love to have you. And if you don't (because as I've said a hundred times to idk how many deaf/closed ears) have any interest that's okay too. They're not for everyone and it's a lot to learn/take in even with my offering to help people in a variety of ways (an offer that is always open!), I get that and hold no resentment in that regard whatsoever, all that I ask is that you understand that I'm taking care of myself by doing this...all of this...and that I appreciate you too. The people who remain here waiting for me to come back and post for the muses here are just as appreciated as the people who follow me on my new blog. I love all of you very much no matter what and I look forward to writing with you all again, it's just that some of you will see more of me than the others will, at least for a little while.

If you want to follow my tcol blog you can go here @constellationcrowned (you'll see my self promo for the blog over here periodically as well, it's obvious af lol) or if you have any questions please feel free to contact me privately either over there or on discord. And thank you again for your kind words anon, truly, I hope you have a nice day/night and I look forward to potentially writing with you soon no matter where that might be.))

#harassment mention tw #anonymous harassment mention tw #anxiety mention tw #;;ask response: ooc #anonymous #seriously; thank you for asking after me; I really do appreciate it and I will be back here soon #long post #obviously I'm not going to detail the harassment I received; no one needs to hear that and I don't need nor want to think about it anymore #this is a chunky post that probably needs a proof but I don't care; hopefully everyone will understand me #to be entirely frank it was I do this or delete entirely; that's how severe things were and how badly they were affecting me #now if you'll excuse me I've got stars to read and a bird (and friends) to screech about

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igaveyouamortentia · 4 months ago

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Materialistic people these days :( well whatever just be genuine and dont play with anyone's emotions. And dont worry about him all he wants is you to do take care of yourself and let you have some your own space I think he is realistic and really cares for you. Job is important and you should take it serious and manage time that way. I dont know if I should write this or not but this is what comes first in mind after reading your posts.

Oh they aree. So shallow.

My man can't work rn so I don't care at all about money 😂 But even then he managed to give me a little something, I never asked and he didn't need to.. I have a hard time accepting gifts.. My love language is more like quality time than gifts, that's the last thing I want.

He does I think.. Cares about me so much that he'd rather leave and let me focus on everything else than him 😵‍💫 But.. I don't really work without him. Ofc if I'll have to I'll try, but it'd be hard for a long long time.

I appreciate your message 😌I didn't even expect anything, I was just ranting about random stuff that affected me 😂I was tired and stressed out. But thank you so much for caring. 😇

I hope you had a good day and will have a good one too. How are you doing?

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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 years ago

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#ive had v little sleep in the past.. 3 days? or more. idk time is ahhhh #my brain is like. barely functional rn. like a glob of warm wet paper towel #and im on 3 machines now. instead of 4. idk whats wrong with the beast. it blew a fuse and now the fan is fucked. we dont have a replacemen #so looks like im just adding more and more days to this bullshit #im so tired. the stupid stuff gives me a lack of sleep and restless stress dreams.#like im actively destroying myself to do this. its awful. and i could space it out more and make it less hard on me #but god i cant stand the idea of doing this any longer that i have to. this is why i have such a strong stess response to turing the #machines on after ive had a break #it just sucks cuz i dont even find the data v interesting. like i dont give a fuck abt c cycling stuff. im not an ecologist. doing this jus #makes me think i need to leave for something else. and its frustrating bc i have to go in ans stare at all these cyanos #like. i wanna work with these lil slime balls :-((((#idk in lab tomorrow we have to share a slide abt something interesting from our data this semester #and if i have to talk about my data i might scream #ugh but im sure the exercise is like: yay get to kno everyones projects!#so like i would rather read papers about slime or Microscopy stuff but i should actually focus on my data #but like she said excided u the most and none of it excites me. i dont have anything nice to say abt it #ugh i should just pic something and stfu. why do lab meetings turn me into such a brat?#stress. thats y. i dont usually have to sit down in a room and talk to ppl.#and in lab meetings i just sit there. heart racing. trying to pretend im not there #idk im just in pain rn and i should really stop it from splashing onto others. what's the point? i dont plan on changing anything.#i should take a break this weekend before i damage something beyond repair. but i dont kno thwt i can #stupid. im just procrastinating #unrelated

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honeyednights · 5 years ago

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#just some whining - not important i just need to get it out #lmao so i have my exam right #and all of monday abd today i haven’t been able to do anything #partially bc i can’t focus and partially bc i’m not in a v good state of mind rn #and it’s due on thursday morning #so i’m like maybe it’ll be for the best if i go to my doctor tomorrow to get a note from him that i’m ill and therefore need the exam to be #postponed until who knows how long #but my social anxiety in that is v prominent like i’ll have to send an email to someone and then i’m like are they judging me? do they #think it’s bc i haven’t read? will they have to make new exam question just for me?#which obvi makes me a lil bit panicky #also there’s a chance that it wont be postponed but i’ll just get one day extra which is... not wanted i need to let my mind have ha break #after all that stress last week #or i could just suck it up and work for the next 30 hours straight and have something to hand in #which i feel i should be able to do but my mind is just not with me atm #anyways now i’ve decided that i’m just gonna work until morning and if i haven’t been able to do anything then i’ll go to my doctor #idk i’m just really nervous bc it’s like i should be able to handle it but i don’t #and like i freak out a lot over exams and i call my mum to be comforted #even though i know that’s probably not best bc she thinks it’s bc i haven’t read or that i should study something else #but it’s just hard and i think it’s partially bc i don’t fully know what my career is gonna be like #and partially bc my default is still whats the point #and ofc i feel like a failure bc i should be able to do this but yeah #i wrote like 5 pages for a term paper in 7 hours so 7 pages in 30 hours should be doable #anyways i’ll see how the night goes and decide tomorrow morning

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thatone-highlighter · 2 years ago

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Hiiii bestie, I’m gonna infodump to you about come along with me and adventure time so hard right now (this is not a request, you WILL listen to me shhdhsjsjfhdh)

Sooo the intro !! I LOVE the intro, firstly it’s just really cool in general but it also has SO MANY Easter eggs and stuff that clues us in to what happened to many of the people of ooo, I just love it a lot. We see two adventurers in ooo, a familiar sight, we see a ton of familiar stuff but it’s all different in ways, (I’m gonna go into this more in a second, promise) seeing bmo surrounding by all their friends stuff is very sad in a way ? Bmo is one of the few immortal characters in the main cast and seeing them forgetting Finn’s name is just,,, sad,,, but bmo has gone through this plenty haven’t they ? We see this is the first distant lands episode ‘BMO’ although I won’t spoil it since I don’t think you’ve seen it yet.

Ofc we see Finn and Jake and everyone else,, I don’t have muchhh to say about the war stuff at least right now,

“Nah, man, she's wrong. This is all wrong. Even if she wins now, this is never gonna end; I can feel it. It's like the whole world's going crazy, man, like we're living in, one, big...” obviously this relates to the whole war n stuff but I also feel like this connects to the whole them of this episode (and just at in general) with everything going on and on but still staying the same, Finn’s definitely gone through that type of stuff haven’t he ? Especially with the lich,,,

“PB! He sees that you're serious! Maybe he'll back down now. Please listen to me! We've been friends for a long time” and PB getting reminded of Shoko from Finn this also 100% connects to that, they have been friends through even reincarnations, which is a long, long time (judging from the state of the candy kingdom and PBs bit more care free attitude I think the flashbacks in ‘the vault’ happen pretty early on)

Jake is mostly just hanging out with jermaine in the nightmare realm lmao, although he did dig up Finn’s and ferns truama vault which is Important.

Fern and Finn are dealing with their truama together in the nightmare realm, they have to work through their shared truama, and the grass demon that is connected to Fern, I loveeee analyzing fern so I’ll probably infodump to u ab him sometime if u would like lol. Finn hears PB voice again, this happens a lot in major parts of his life dosent it ? Breezy, hall of egress, and of course this episode. Fern and Finn kill the grass demon together.

PB and Gumbald are doing a fun (not fun for them tho LMAO) switch-aroo thingie, Gumbald experiences what it’s was like for PB almost get dum dum juiced and the stress that the candy kingdom puts on someone’s shoulders, while PB sees what it was like for Gumbald seeing his dream get built in front of him, ruled by PB, and fall apart without being able to do anything, it’s super intesting to me !! Especially on PBs side just seeing the stress weigh down on her from the candy kingdom (obviously this happens to gumbald in the dream but it’s switcharoo)

Now we see Finn and fern sitting on that island, although fern is now Finn again “ I'm me again. It feels like it's been years.” This line just makes me very sad, ferns been living the last year (+?) as not himself,, (like I said I have THOUGHTS about fern I could go on sooo long ab him, but I wanna focus on CAWM rn) and now we see pb and gumbald, although when pb touches fern he starts disintegrating just like the grass demon said.

PB and gumbald apologize to eachother, but lolly trips gumbald and his dum dum juice dummifys him again, “ He never was the epiphany type. But I am willing to let bygones be bygones.” Like I said,,, things change but also stay the same,,, PB and gumabld sees what they each went through but Gumbald still stays the same, and turns into the punch bowl once again.

And now we get into the end of the world, as BMO puts it,

We get a flashback to Simon and Betty before the mushroom war and everything else, (I don’t have a ton to say about this scene but it’s very funny that Betty accidentally fucked simons eye up by throwing a jar of cherries at him)

Ice King of course does not remember Betty. But now we get the golb monsters, can I just say these monsters are sick as fuck I love them. “Obey my command! Flee for your lives! If you fight, the demon will just add you to its mass!” PB character development <3.

Alll the main characters standing together to try and defeat golb,,, mmm it’s good it’s good, (also I find it cute that the gum ball guardians call PB mom lol)

Ice king , king man , Finn and Jake go to try to stop Betty yippee ! Although Jake jumps off to eat (??) those birds (which leads to time adventure ofc <3<3<3) lumpygrab ! It’s cute, not a ship I think ab a ton but it’s cute. Betty seeing ice king as Simon, even if only for a moment is,,, mmmm, part of Betty’s whole thing is that, she can never except ice king as he is, maybe they could be happy if she could but, he isint Simon, he is just the ice king, and it leads her to madness trying to save her. This especially ties in with what she says right after “What... You're trying to stop me!? When I'm this close to harnessing the most powerful force in the universe and finally saving you!?” Oh and Maja fucking explodes.

Finn Betty and IK go into glob,,, Finn loses his robot arm, just as we saw at the start of the episode, it’s destined to lay there for 1000 years after the war huh ?

BUBBLINE YIPPEEEEE !! Seeing Marceline turn into the cloud form is sick as fuck btw, anyways this scene is just,, so good,, especially with just seeing how their relationship builds up again throughout the series. And how it was in the past in distant lands: obsidan.

Finn Betty and Simon reverte to their primal forms, Simon and Betty are back to normal human while Finn is the same, I also love how he does not get his arm back, since it’s been shown that not having an arm is just, his natural state, if he is in a life where he can’t have an arm, he will eventually lose it or just not have it, it’s his natural form.

Jake goes to fight those dudes for Finn,,, god this scene man.,, the treehouse is crushed by the golb monster and Jake just can’t handle it,,, seeing the place that he and Finn and bmo lived since they were young completely destroyed crushes him, BMO finds him of course “It's okay, Jake. You always try to protect me and Finn. But sometimes we are going to get hurt. How about today, you let me be the papa?” God man I’m just thinking about this,,, Jake has always been dadding for Finn and bmo throughout the series, of course they had their parents but Finn was only 12 at the start of the series and we know their parents died before the start of the series, Jake has been taking care of those 2 for so long, in the treehouse that they lived in for so long,,,

And of course,,, time adventure,,, MAN

I think time adventure captures exactly what adventure time is about along with ‘come along with me’ and ‘everything stays’

Everything will happen again and again,,, the cycle of life and death goes on, everything stays but it still changes,,, just like 5e futures,,, 1000+ ooo is so different and yet, we have our 2 young adventurers still going off and exploring ooo,,, change is what adventure time is all about imo,,,,

And everyone singing together to defeat glob,, it’s just so good,,,, having everyone working together to defeat glob and save Finn and Betty and Simon, many of these characters have had strained relationships in the past and yet they still all join together,, they’ve all changed throughout the series leading to this moment,,, god,,

“I always figured I'd go out saving somebody.” This line by Finn always gets me, because, of course he would think that, he is a hero, of course he would want to go out saving someone, doing what he does best, and also this line is just so sad since,,, Finn genuinely thinks he is gonna die here yknow ? He has stared death in the face many times but few times has he genuinely thought that he was gonna die,,,,

Betty makes the ultimate sacrifice, she can’t make up for what she did as magic Betty, she does feel guilty for what she has done,”I’m sorry for messing everything up” , so she wishes to banish glob, eventually fusing with it to keep Simon and the rest of everyone,

And then Fern,,, he finally got to be the hero,, just like he was when he was Finn,, and all he ever wanted was his identity and family and friends back to be honest, something that makes me sad is just,, how calm fern sounds when he is dying,,, I can’t explain but it’s just,,, yeah,, he asks Finn to promise to plant him there,, of course he wo.uld want to be planted there, it’s the place where he grew up with Jake, his best brother and friend, and even if he dosent get to be Finn again he would at least like to be connected to the place that meant so much to him.

Finn and Jake plant the fern seed at the remains of the treehouse, which, you know, it’s a lot like what happened with Shoko, it’s changes but still stays the same huh ? Finn and PB just being friends is soooo sweet I just love themm a lot.

And so Shermy and Beth go off to find that Fern Tree they heard in the story. While Finn and Jake far in the past from those two, sit next to the music hole, as she starts singing come along with me,, the iconic ending song as we see how everyone lives went on after everything, the cycle of life and death and change continues. Even after all of that characters still live their life, similar to before but not excatly the same.

And at the very end,, we see those two adventurers climb the fern tree, shermy pulls out the Finn sword and holds it up high, ending the final episode on the same iconic pose at the start of every single episode,

and like I’ve said over this whole rant,, it changes but still stays the same, the cycle repeats again and again, never the same but still similar, and I feel like that’s the whole point of adventure time, it’s about change, everything changes so much from the start to the end, we see these characters grow up and change, we see them die and reincarnate, not the same, but similar, ooo and everyone in it goes on and on, and yes, someday golb and the lich will succeed at their goals, bringing death to everyone, but why not fight for it ? Yes it will happen eventually, someday some Finn and Jake reincarnations will not be able to kill the lich, but they still have all their friends and family and everyone, so why shouldn’t they try ? They could just give up since it’s inevitable but also, they have so much to fight for, everybody who cares about them, even if it’s just the two of them, Finn and Jake, they will always have eachother, and isint that enough to fight for ?

Adventure time just means so much to me in a way I can’t describe, its part of me, and I don’t think even amphibia (which I love so much) reaches the same connection adventure time has with me, it’s just so important to me, it’s such an inherent part of me that I can’t imagine who I would be without it to be honest, where would I have ended up without this show ? I don’t know, but I did find this show and I love it so much that words can’t describe it. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this rant, but it would mean a lot to mean to just, talk about what I talked about here with you, (but no worries about making it as long as this,), I just want to share my love of this show with you, and even you just watching it makes me so so happy. So yknow, thank you for being my friend and watching stuff I like, I appreciate you a lot.

Night, Duck.

the intro is so cool! when i watched it i meant to go back and look at it again and especially look at bmos little house to try and spot a couple little easter eggs because it looks So Full of them.the main things i noticed was i think bmo had the helmet that glob and his brothers or whatever had that stuck out and also the fact that they called themselves the King of Ooo. i hope bmo is okay living up there all by themselves its played for a joke but the fact that they Have forgotten Finn's name is so hhhhhh. (is it specified how log its been? because if its been like a Long Long time its both more and less sad i think) that one episode after elementals with Marceline and bmo gived me hope that for however long they end up living bmo wont be completely alone, their friendship with Marcy was so nice in that episode i hope it lasts.

i am so interested in the whole thing of adventire time being a show about things constantly changing and yet staying the same. it seems like Such a clever way to encorporate that shift from an episodic adventure of the week sort of show it was at the start to the more serialised show with big character moments and over arcing plotlines it became a bit later on. it also kinda juat makes me think about Everything Stays again which you know. yeah

man finn and fern having to deal with their shared trauma together is so ! the bit when theyre fighting and Fern is like "im tormented!" and finn goes "im also that sometimes!" just something about that little interaction gets me theyre both so sinsere and like. i cant find the sords for what im trying to say augh. you get what im trying to say hopefully

oooo the switchy scene!! that was so cool i was really intreuged by them swapping places and getting to experince what it all was like from the other side. it could have made it so easy for them both to come to a peaceful conclusion at the end now that they first hand know what the other went thru and can epathise with eachother in a way they couldnt before. unfortunately gumbald is gumbald and screwed that over but you know you can hope. Bonnie did tho, she saw that she was wrong and she was willing to admit it which is a Huge growth for her character from the start of the show.

the scene of finn and fern on that island is so nice. its so peaceful but also very like, cathatrtic i think is the word for it? the two of them finally getting a chance to just sit there and Be for a moment after all that theyve been thru. its nice

asdfghjk yeah that fake out is so good where even the banan guards think shes gonna get them to fight for their lives to save ooo but then shes juts like. get the fuck out of here right now you cant do anything to help but leave Please save yourselves. PB character growth so true <3

YES THE GUMBALL GUARDIANS CALLING PB MOM WAS SO GOOD it was so funny and also has Implicaions i feel but idk

i cant believe you would remind me of the lsp lemongrab kiss like this that was the Worst part of the entire episode why did that happen im so confused

betty and simon are so ! i have No Idea how to explain my thoughts on them but they unlock shrimp emotions. theyre such a loving tragedy, both driven to madness trying to save the ones they loved most,,,,,,,,,,

bubbline kiss my beloved. its such a sweet scene and Marcy just Losing Her Entire Shit and turining into the sheep cloud thing because she think Bonnie is dead,,,,,,,

asdfghgfds "finn not having an arm is his natural state" why is that so Right tho. au where he never lost his arm and gets reverted to his original state and loses his arm then. imagine

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh Jake older brother/dad-ing BMO and Finn,,,,,,, like sure he isnt always the Best at it but hes Trrying anf i feel like you cant expect him to be perfect at it hes not really much older than finn in the first place but hes Trying to take care of them as best he can and thats what counts

TIME ADVENTURE TIME ADVENTURE TIME ADVENTURE-

something about the power of music bringing everyone together to make one final stand to save the world and it Working is so important to me. i love music so much as an artform, as a method of self experssion, as a tool to bring people together, and Adventure Time does such a good job doing those ideas justice, its big proper songs are so meaningful and powerful and even the littler ones and the fact that so many characters will just Start Singing, just whenever for the sake of it for no other reason than they feel like it. its so good man

"i always figured id go out saving someone" and then Simon Immidiately jumping in to try to comfort him. they all think theyre gonna die, they all know theyre not gonna make it out this time. so in the face of all hopelessness Simon still tries to comfort this kid and like. i dunno Simon straight away jumping to try to comfort FInn even tho really he has No Idea who tf this kid is man

im glad Fern got to be planted outside the treehouse. he sounds so resigned while hes dying, he knows hes going and hes accepted it, a much nicer ending than he had the first time, and now he gets to be forever immorialised and in some kind of irony manages to outlive everyone else through his tree

i think i get what you mean. i think Adventure Time is to you a lot of what Steven Universe is to me. i started watching SU when i was about 8 and it was a Huge part of my life basically until i ended. i used to rewatch peridot episodes when i was sad, i would sings the songs to myself to pass the time, i would think about theories while walking. so many of my memories are full of steven universe, i legitimately feel like if an alternate version of me existed who had never seen an episode of SU, i would be unrecogniseable to myself. that show means so much to me and i watched it at such an influential age it has had ramifications and left marks on me i dont think i could ever begin to find them all. its… fundementally shaped me as a person, my opinions on things, my morals, so much of Who I Am. so if Adventure Time is to you even slightly what Steven Universe is to me, then i get it. stories have such a power to effect people, we rely on them to learn about the world and the stores we hear or have avalible to us effect us in so many different ways. its incredible really

thank you for being My friend, if it hadnt of been for you i probably wouldnt have sat down and watched adventure time like this, maybe ever, and i only really did it at the start because i wanted to engage in something that clearly means so much to one of my friends, and im so glad i did so thank you it was so much fun

#i am going to decide for myself that this counts as my thoughts on cawm #i do So much better with speific topics than i do a super vauge question i am so sorry bestie but going thru this and adding on my own #little thoughts was SO much easier than coming up with my own talking points </3 #looking at this as a whole i actually wrote a lot more than i thought i did. no where near what u wrote bestie u went Insane(affectionate)#but still a Decent amount #i cant believe i managed to go on an su rant in the middle of this adventure time post how did this happen #uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah #Tree Man Posts #asks #and so the adventure time live blog continues #and because of that little bit at the end we adding the #sentimentality #tag. dont u guys just love that tag im sure its Everyones favourite

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yeojaa · 4 years ago

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feed me, fight me.

pairing. boxer!jjk x f!reader. rating. explicit. tags. relationship issues, baby angst, comfort, unprotected sex (please be responsible!). wc. 3.5k. beta reader. @hobi-gif, always. 💖 author note. i’m really into comfort fics rn so...

What do you get when you mix a pissed off girlfriend with a neglectful boyfriend? (Aside from trouble, that is.)

The answer is you - throwing punches far harder than you should be, completely disregarding the fact that you’re meant to be playing the part of perfect partner, meeting pads in the sequence he’s laid out. It’s you throwing a hook when you should be swinging an uppercut. It’s you, snapping your leg out with a satisfying thunk! of your shin when you should only be thip kicking. It’s you, not giving a single damn as you take out all your frustrations on someone who’s growing increasingly more irritated by your childishness. It’s you, blatantly disrespecting him in his ring - sending a reminder that there’s more to life than the four corners of this space.

How can he blame you though, when he’s the reason? When you’ve voiced your annoyance more than once - more than twice, more times than you care to count - and each time it’s met with a half-hearted apology (if you could even call it that)? How can he hold it against you when you’ve asked, demanded, pleaded for more?

“Cut it out,” he seethes, quiet, under his breath, irritation igniting his expression, something hot and angry burning in the dark of his stare. A withering wildfire in an empty field, smoldering coals flickering bright. It presents itself in how his mouth curls, the hard line of his jaw as bone threatens to snap in half from the tension.

“Cut what out?” Your retort is punctuated by the smack of leather on leather, the worn edge of your boxing glove meeting the pad that Jungkook raises just in time to avoid a black eye.

“What’s your problem?” How he manages to snipe back - somehow sounding disgruntled by your behaviour - you’re not sure. All you know is it boils your blood, searing heat within your veins when he effortlessly blocks your next jab. He knows you well and knows the sport better, predicting each movement as if you’re telegraphing it all with a giant neon sign on your forehead.

(You probably are. You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions, pinning your heart on your sleeve, your sadness heavy in your mouth. They wear you, rather than you it. A weakness of yours.)

“You’re my problem.”

“Shut up.” It’s not the usual exasperated annoyance he levels you with, meaner and paired with a swat of your gloved hand. He’s not supposed to be countering you, instead only blocking the punches you throw his way.

(But then again - when did he ever listen to you? When did he ever do what he was supposed to?)

(It’s not a fair assertion. You’re just mad. Livid beyond belief, standing atop this hill that you’ll happily die on.)

“Fuck you,” you snap, offering the petulant comeback in the same instance you surge forward. He blocks your jab - sees it coming from a mile away - and goes to block your hook.

Except it never comes, your knee straightening out instead, hard edge of your shin slamming right into the side of his leg.

He crumples more out of surprise than anything, eyes wide, all the anger swept away by something closer to astonishment. It shines impossibly bright in his eyes, turning his entire expression upside down when his knee hits the ground. By how he falls, you’re sure you’ve hit just the right spot, left his nerve endings buzzing uncomfortably as the feeling leaves the limb.

“Are you serious?” You know he’s genuinely baffled then, voice slipping, cracking in a way you’d normally find adorable. (It goes to show how upset you are, the awkward split of his words doing nothing to soothe your temper.) “What’s your issue?” He’s still seated on the floor, rocking back on his heels, brow knit in consternation. It’d take him seconds to jump up - to put you on your ass - but he chooses to remain where he is, staring up at you with that look on his face.

(That look you love. That you hate. That makes your insides turn to goo on his best days and misery on your worst. That you’ve seen every single day for the last three years, as the first thing upon waking up and the last thing before passing out. That makes you hesitate now, peering down into it.)

(Were you being unnecessary? Unbearable? Was this on you?)

“I’m going home.” It’d be nice to tear your gloves off, throw them in his face and storm off in a huff. It’d cause the scene you’re hoping for, push him to where you need. (Because that’s the thing about Jungkook - he doesn’t react otherwise and you’re sick of it.) Instead, you turn on your heel and slink away, silent as a mouse.

You’re tired. Too tired. Why had you started something you couldn’t finish?

It shouldn’t surprise you that you’re home alone for hours that night, curled up in bed and half-asleep when light from the hallway spills into your bedroom. It comes with hardly any noise, a tell-tale sign he’s trying not to wake you (or disturb you or get caught). You almost let it slide when his figure appears in the doorway, broad frame swallowed up by the oversized sweater he wears.

He’s moving near silently, having already deposited his gym bag in the laundry room. He doesn’t even switch the light on, moving around in the muted glow of the hallway, fumbling as he strips his clothes off and tosses them into the hamper against the wall.

You expect him to head directly into the en suite, wash away whatever grime he’s accumulated throughout the day. He’s always been this way, far too concerned with dragging in odour and dirt into your bed to do otherwise.

Except tonight, he doesn’t follow his usual routine. Tonight, he makes a detour.

The bed dips before you realise what’s happening, grip on the pillow under your head tightening. Words fit between your teeth, ready to spill out, lash out, tear out like a bullet deadset on landing a bullseye.

“I’m sorry.” Two words you’ve been waiting to hear, that startle you enough to throw your anger out the window, tossing them out with the wash. “I don’t know why you’re upset but I’m sorry for whatever it is.” He’s speaking into the quiet of your bedroom. You can feel his hand settled on the bed, wrist somewhere over the line of your spine.

Oh - he thinks you’re asleep.

“Things have been crazy. I’ve been stressed.” Here, under cover of night, he’s vulnerable, explanation tumbling forth uncertainly. You can hear it in the way the words form, syllables slipping into each other - a sure sign of his exhaustion. “I know that’s not an excuse, so I’ll be better.” Though he readjusts, weight distributing differently over the bed, he isn’t touching you. You can only imagine how he looks, the posture he’s taken on, arms leant over knees, hands twisting together in that way of his that begs a silent help me. A version of him you’ve seen only a handful of times.

(Jeon Jungkook does not let things get to him. Never has, likely never will. He’s immaculately put together, strung tight by years of growing up too fast, wanting too much and fearing it’ll slip away. He goes and goes until he can’t any more and only then does he still, crashing headlong over a cliff of his own creation.)

It’s then that you realise while you’ve grown irritated with his preoccupation, coming second to the man you’ve only ever put first, he’s been suffering right alongside you. Differently, certainly, but suffering nonetheless. Holding his cards close as he’s always done, shouldering all the things on his own and hoping for the best.

Irritation flares first. Anger at the fact that he hadn’t confided in you. It burns bright, erodes everything else in its path.

And then it dims almost immediately, overshadowed by a tenderness that blooms in the small of your chest. Rosebuds that fill the cavity and swath affection in broad strokes, colouring everything purple - a pretty mosaic made up of equal parts love and sadness.

“You should’ve said something.”

Bambi-eyed baby is your nickname for your boyfriend - one he reluctantly wears, scowls at when you use it in public - and yet you’re still blown away by the glossiness of his stare, how wide it goes when you roll to face him, simultaneously flicking your bedside light on. There’s embarrassment crowding his expression, lighting up every handsome facet of his features in technicolour. He works to hide it almost immediately, moves back on the bed as if he might find himself a home in the shadows.

“I thought you were sleeping,” he mumbles, not quite looking at you, stare focused on your pillow case, the white linen that you’d bought when you’d moved in together. “Did I wake you up?”

Though his concern is real, you know it’s a distraction too. His way of deflecting, shifting the focus back to you.

(Jeon Jungkook doesn’t live in the spotlight. Hates it, in fact. It’s a curious combination - wanting to be praised, to show off, and yet fearing failure so strongly. A worrying mix when he’s down and an endearing one when he’s up.)

You’re still cocooned, still held far enough away that he hasn’t run for the hills, locking himself in the bathroom to put a further physical barrier between you. Should you move too fast, you know he’ll spook. Push too hard, he’ll leave.

“Couldn’t sleep without you.” It’s true enough. Dreams had evaded you for the better part of the evening, held somewhere by hands inked like his, blemished by scars and calluses like his. They’d been kept in his coat pocket, tucked behind his ear. (So maybe it’d been anger, too, that’d kept you up. That doesn’t matter now.)

The disbelief is evident, both in his words and the quirk of his mouth, bathed in dim light. “Really?”

(You sometimes wonder how different the two of you see things. What a day looks like from his point of view - whether he reads all of your interactions in the same way. You’ve always been terribly incompatible in that way, opposites in so many respects that it’d frankly baffled your friends when you’d started dating.

You were intent - sometimes too intent - on resolving problems, never letting up. Forcing conversations you felt you needed to have, demanding answers even before there was one. He, on the other hand, was uncomfortable with conflict, choosing to ignore the things that bothered him until they went away. It’d driven you absolutely insane at first, made you worry that it was you that was the issue, simply being too much.

But over time - three long years, to be exact - you’d found a common ground. Or so you’d thought.)

“Why are you so surprised?”

“You were pissed earlier.” There’s a lightness to his tone, careful consideration poured into each word he offers, as if he’s navigating a minefield. You’ve had these kinds of disagreements too many times for him to believe otherwise, as if his caution is a part of him, stitched lovingly - forcefully - by your hand. “Thought you wouldn’t wait up for me.”

“I shouldn’t have,” you retort before you can help it, still just a little childish, a little hurt. “But you know I hate going to bed angry.” Of course he knows. He’s lost hours of sleep due to your insistence that everything be talked out.

He hums a noncommittal sound - more of a grunt - and you know your window is closing. Now that you’re not out for blood, he’s retreating as he always does. Readying himself to rise from the bed, close this half-read chapter and move onto the next.

You beat him before he can, curling your fingers around his wrist, over the dangling silver chain. (His birthday gift this year, heavy metal that’s cold under your touch.)

“Don’t.”

One blink. Another. Slow and confused - deliberately so. Then he’s looking away, staring down at the ground as if you haven’t just read his next move. The ring might be his domain but home is yours; it’s the one place you hold the upper hand. “What?”

“Don’t leave.” It’s easy to read the meaning in between your words, the unspoken request that might as well be brilliant red ink. It’s far kinder than your usual demands, more pleading than begrudging, more need than want.

“I need to shower.”

It’s not a no - which you suppose is a win.

“Just wait.” Your request comes with an adjustment, whole tired frame rising from the bed only to sink back down - this time against your partner, your other half, your infuriating love. He accepts you readily, dropping his ink-strewn hand over your covered thigh. The weight is comforting over the warmth of the duvet, grounding you in the quiet of your home.

“I’m gross,” he complains, though he doesn’t make to move away. Stays right by your side when you drop your head against his bare shoulder. “Now you’re gross.”

“We can be gross together.” Because you’re not ready for him to leave you, to close the door as he so often does. (And, for once, you’re not quite as angry, not seeking an argument that’ll give you the resolution you hope for. You want communication, open and honest. You want him, vulnerable and soft.)

A little sigh comes, a puff of breath that expands his doughy cheeks and sends wayward strands fluttering. It’s less resigned and more endeared - you know how much it means when his acquiesces like this.

Maybe he wants those same things, you think.

“Do you wanna shower?” You ask in perfect tandem, words folding together. You nod in the same way.

Encased in the small space - it’s different. He’s preoccupied, back turned to you, shielding you from the slow-heating stream. It’s as if his mind is a thousand lightyears away, trapped somewhere with the stars as the water rains down around the two of you, fogging the glass and wetting his hair.

“Babe?”

There’s a delay before he reacts, peering over his shoulder at you, a faraway look in his eyes. You wonder what he’d been thinking of, whether he’s still on the same page as you or if he’s skipped ahead as he tends to do. When he speaks, you have your answer, his words flicking through paper to bring you two where you need to be.

“Can you wash my hair?” An indulgent treat he rarely requests, one he seldom allows. He’s far too on the go, jumping from this to that to spend much time like this with you.

It’s a sign if there ever was one.

You reach for your shampoo bottle wordlessly, popping the cap and depositing sweet peach-scented liquid into your hands. They fold into his strands carefully, tips of your fingers pressing into his scalp, delightful bubbles accumulating between your digits. He doesn’t make a sound but you feel the way he relaxes, practically melting into your touch as you work the cleanser through his roots, careful to keep the suds from descending into his eyes.

When was the last time you’d done this? Weeks ago? Months, maybe? You honestly can’t recall. (Not that it matters now. You’ve found yourselves back here, terribly tender and intimate in the dead of night. Almost as if no time has passed at all.)

Silence stretches between the two of you. You don’t even need to instruct him to rinse, running seamlessly through the routine without hesitation.

Conditioner replaces shampoo, deft fingers combing through the few knots in his feather soft strands. Though there are hardly any, you know he loves when you take extra care, treating him in ways he’d never ask for otherwise. He savours these quiet moments of almost-solitude, spoiled rotten by your familiar touch and comforting affection.

You’d give it every single day if you could. Had, in fact.

That’s what’d brought you here, after all.

“‘m sorry,” he says - mumbles really - surprising you as you’re working your fingers into the nape of his neck, concentrating on the tension that’s carved out a home beneath muscle and sinew, turned bone iron-clad.

“For what?”

Any other time, it might’ve come across demanding, needing an answer that would soothe whatever inadequacy he’d somehow strung your heart up with. Now, it’s genuine, asked more for him than you.

You want to be let in. Need it.

“Being out of it, I guess.” It’s a lot for him - admitting this. “I’ve just been busy and I guess I kind of just—“ The imposing line of his shoulders rise and fall, a mountain range disturbed by the uncertainty in his voice.

“Forgot about me?” You don’t mean it meanly. It’s a simple statement of fact, one the both of you have to face.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

You deliberate accepting the apology and moving on, sweeping it under the rug because he’s already come so much further than you’d thought he would. But that’s not the kind of person you are, so you press just a little more, stand just a little taller.

“I don’t think I ask for the world, Kook.” Maybe more than some people. Maybe less than others. “If I’m being too much, I’d rather you let me know than shut me out.”

A sigh comes, so heavy you wonder whether he might be Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“No, I know.”

“Do you?”

(At some point you’d stopped massaging the conditioner in, opting to crowd your hands over his back, working into the knots that run beneath his skin. He hadn’t been lying - he’s stiff as a board, entire broad form twitching any time you press the pads of your thumbs into a particularly sensitive spot.)

“I thought I’d figure it out myself,” he reasons, in that oh-so impossible Jeon Jungkook way of his. “Didn't realise it was taking a toll on you.”

“On us,” you correct, not at all tactful.

“On us,” he agrees with another sigh, smaller this time, tinged blue with something that feels like guilt and fills up the glass space.

“We’re a team, you know.”

(You know he knows. You just have to remind him sometimes, anchor him with the knowledge that it’s not him against the world. That you’re in his corner - always.)

“I know.”

When he turns to look at you - doesn’t even flinch when the sudden movement has you wobbling on your feet, catches you when you stumble - you don’t doubt that. He loves you just as much as you love him, sees the whole world in the small of your stare.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, two hands coming to cradle your face, palms warm over each cheek. “Just give me some time.” For what, you’re not sure. You don’t mind waiting to find out though - willing to weather the storm just to see him happy.

Jungkook holds you close, threads his fingers through yours and peppers love into the silk of your hair. Dresses your skin in the heat of his affection and sears his signature into the velvet of your skin, teeth dragging, tongue gliding.

“Is this better?” He means how he holds you, how he treats you like porcelain as he fucks you slow and tender, keeps one leg hooked back over his own.

It’s not that this is the kind of lovemaking you prefer but rather the one you need, with him consuming you wholly, sweetly, filling you with each fluid roll of his hips and nothing else. No elaborate dirty talk, no overzealous bouncing, just the two of you together, curled against each other like you might not survive otherwise.

He’s not pushing you to your finish with deft fingers over your clit, not taking his fill with greedy hands. He’s simply there, with you, feeling every curve of your body as he sinks into your aching cunt and sighs as if he’s in heaven. (And maybe he is - because where he is could only ever be where you are and you feel like you’re floating, weightless and lovestruck, anchored only to your bed by the hand that squeezes yours and the mouth that purrs your name.)

“Yes,” you breathe, exhale in a breath that seems to take all of your effort. It’s hard to focus when he splits you open so well, fills your pussy and your heart and makes your chest erupt with a kaleidoscope of butterflies.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

When he says it like that - folds it like a promise and tucks it into the spot behind your ear - you know it’s true. Even if you don’t always feel it, even if he doesn’t always show it, there’s not a doubt in your mind.

In all the ways he can, he loves you. And whether that means enough from one day to the next, you don’t mind sticking around to find out. Not if it means more of this.

(Of him, of you, of your life together.)

tag list. @neverthefirstchoice @youwannabelostandnotbefound @snackhobi @codeinebelle

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fairycosmos · 3 years ago

Note

I've been stalking an artist on here at her university for about 4 days now. I know her routines, her friends, where she lives, ect. Why does everyone who hurt me get a better life than me? Why am I expendable in every scenario? All I wanted was a fucking friend. Nobody cares and everyone ignores me - hence why I can say and do all of this! Keep updated on the news.

hey dude, i have to discourage this and it worries me to read. hope you can set aside ur anger for a moment to hear me out. i don't think it's healthy for anyone involved. and i know you prob dont give a shit about that rn, but it's honestly not productive. i completely understand ur hurt and i think the emotion itself is so justified - i seethe every day over seeing the shittiest ppl thrive. i do get that. and it's not fair that you've been alienated and mistreated either, which is another experience i'm super familiar with. i think it's common for ppl who've always had friends to not be able to truly comprehend the damage it causes. it's so painful. i'm sorry you've been put through it, sincerely. it's relentless and harrowing, and it feels like it takes years to get over. a lifetime even. i hope it doesn't sound like i'm undermining that. but idk what following this girl around will achieve and i hope you will consider stopping. it won't tangibly solve anything and it’s not rational. it's better to focus on your own life, on things you can actively change. if nothing else, it's truly not worth the energy. if they're not giving you the time of day, then that's on them, and you don't have to waste a moment on them either. you're not expendable. your worth is not dictated by assholes, or by people who don't see you. much easier to say than believe, i know but. honestly social situations are just really fucking hard to navigate and so is making true connections as an adult + finding friends. it's not because you're cursed to be lonely for life, or because you're going to be stuck under these circumstances forever. not if you don’t back yourself into a corner by holding onto the toxicity of the whole thing, and getting lost in it. hope you can try to work on letting this go and finding a healthier outlet + someone to talk to (literally anyone, a hotline, a family member/professional etC) even if it's a process. if she's mean, you're not missing out by not having her in your life anyway. take care.

*i’d like to ask that (not from a place of anger at all, just concern) that ppl don’t send me messages of this specific nature in the future. i’m extremely limited as to what i can say or do about it, i’m not equipped at all. it’s really stressful to read and to not be able to help in any actual way due to my position as a stranger online + the anonymity + not knowing the possible seriousness of the situation OR the amount of actual truthfulness behind it (just bc of how the internet can be sometimes.) just want to set that boundary rn, thank u guys.

#anon

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alpacaparkaseok · 4 years ago

Text

The Pact - Date #7

Pairing/Genre: OT7 BTS x reader (not poly), idol!BTS, best friend BTS

Word Count: 7.2k

Premise: The truth about the pact the boys have about you has been revealed. What happens when you agree to go on a single date with each of them?

Warnings: a bit of talking down on yourself, the confusion continues, general fluff with a touch of angst

a/n: this is the final date. guys...how is this going by so fast?? please let me know your thoughts on the date, on everything else overall...and I’ll see you soon? Next Saturday is the finale!

Date #7

series masterlist ∆∆∆ join the taglist

Note from the creator of this stupid idea:

I loved her first.

“Who do you think it was? Any ideas?”

“I…” you shrug. “No?”

Gina arches a brow, staring you down from across your kitchen table. “So, that was a lie.”

You can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up from your chest, Gina also chuckling. It’s a relief, the fact that she doesn’t hesitate to call you out. You’re grateful that you finagled her number from Jin, shooting him a text that looked a lot like this:

Me: Burn this after reading

Me: We can’t have any evidence !!

Kim Seokjinnie: ok, hi. I’m not burning my phone weirdo. I’ll just keep it away from Jungkook. What’s up??

Me: Hi. You know what I meant.

Me: Can you give me Gina’s number?

Kim Seokjinnie: Sure, I’ll send you the contact in a second. You two gonna hang out or something?

Me: Hopefully…do you think it’s weird if I just ask her out of the blue? Will she not wanna come?

Kim Seokjinnie: Nah, she’s pretty chill. I bet she’ll come

Kim Seokjinnie: *Kim Seokjinnie shared a contact with you*

Kim Seokjinnie: do you need anything before I burn my phone?

Me: no, thank you!! I owe you one. I’m short on friends rn, hopefully she’ll come over

Kim Seokjinnie: I’m sorry  miss you. We’ll all get to hang out once this is all over, I promise.

“Yah! I really don’t know. I mean they’ve all be so…”

“So what?”

You sigh, sounding like some kid in a dreamy teen movie. “Perfect?”

“There’s no such thing,” Gina huffs, leaning back in her chair. It’s a bit rickety, you’d found it at a yard sale with Namjoon and Jimin. You had just moved into your apartment, and realized that you were a little low on furniture. Together, you’d managed to find three mismatching chairs that made you grin each time you saw them.

It was a little odd at the time, you didn’t want to buy three chairs. Two seemed like plenty. They convinced you though, and looking back you understand why they were so adamant.

Wasn’t it rule #3? “Limit one-on-one interaction”? Three chairs made it so that there was always space for at least two of them.

Suddenly you look at the most average things in your house with different eyes.

Groaning, you rub your hands over your face. You’ve probably smudged your makeup, but you don’t care. It’s Friday night, you can do whatever you want.

“Unfortunately, I really think that there might be.” You let out a dry chuckle. “Seven dates with the world’s most perfect men. I knew I was screwed from the beginning, but this, I mean, I didn’t expect it to go this far.”

“On the bright side, you only have one more to go.” Gina gets up, stretching before moving to put her plate in the sink. She’d picked up some takeout on her way to your house, proving to you that you two are going to be friends for a long, long time.

“I’m terrified because of that. What happens after tomorrow’s date? I know it’s up to me, but I feel like I’m waiting for someone to come tell me the next step.”

Gina hums in agreement, shooting you an apologetic look. “Maybe I shouldn’t have pointed out how flirty they were at the haunted house. You never would have gotten into this mess.”

“No,” you wave her off. “It’s not your fault. Jungkook let it slip anyway, after the door closed on us in the basement. Ugh, I still get freaked out thinking about that. Has that happened since?”

Gina pauses over the sink, back turned to you as she runs her plate under the hot water. After a moment she shuts it off, turning around to wipe her hands off on a dish towel before leaning up against the counter.

“Erm…”

Your stomach drops. “What.”

“It’s just…” she crosses her arms and uncrosses them, unsure of what to do with her hands. “The door is connected to a little button on every employee’s key fob. You know, just for some extra scare factor.”

You meet her sheepish gaze with a blank stare. “So you’re telling me…”

“It’s just a part of the tour,” Gina shrugs. “Wait, what happened? He told you about the pact when the door closed? That’s…that’s honestly not the most romantic setting-”

“No no, we had a little moment after the door closed, and we almost kissed. But he stopped himself and said the I didn’t have to worry about him making a move. When we got out, I asked him why, and that’s when he mentioned the pact.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“So tomorrow is the last date, correct?”

“Yup.”

“Look,” Gina notices your worried expression. “Do yourself a favor. Let go. Don’t waste tomorrow thinking about what’s gonna happen next. Focus on the moment, ok? Then how about we get together next week sometime to talk everything over? If you feel like that might help, that is.”

You definitely made the right choice in inviting Gina over. You can already feel your stress levels going down.

“Ok.”

You’re up early the next morning, earlier than you’d like. You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting on your sofa, basking in the golden morning sun and watching the little dust motes float in the air, but it’s certainly been a while.

For once, it’s quiet in your mind. You’re not sure why now, why today. There’s no doubt you’ll be your typical bumbling mess once Yoongi picks you up, but for now all is peaceful.

It’s the last date. Somehow, despite how much you’ve enjoyed these little escapades, you feel relief at the thought. Knowing that you’ve made it nearly to the end without doing anything remarkably stupid (you’re still mortified that you and Jimin got kicked out of that basilica but oh well), and now you’re so close.

For now, you slide your worries under the rug, to be left there for the weekend. You curl your legs under you and lean your head back against the cushions to drink in the sunlight. It warms your skin, leaving you feeling even better than before.

Yoongi is supposed to be here around four. Jungkook had sent you a quick text earlier in the week checking that you didn’t have any plans for Saturday afternoon and night. You didn’t bother to tell him that you always had all day open for them.

While the exchange had been short, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was blushing just as much as you when his contact popped up on your screen. In an instant you were plunged into the memory of clinging to him just outside your front door, Jungkook’s shaky breaths the only thing keeping you planted in reality.

Either way, it was safe to say that you were a blushing mess despite the simplicity of the text. He kept it strictly professional, not once alluding to the events of last Saturday. But you could still hear those words he uttered when he asked if you ever thought about what might have happened if he’d kissed you in the haunted house when he had the chance.

“I do. Every day.”

Of course you thought about it. You let out an amused huff on the couch, laughing to yourself. Who wouldn’t? But the only thing was the fact that you were thinking about a lot of things. Not just Jungkook.

Or his lips, for that matter.

The couch rustles as you get up, deciding to change out of your red sweatshirt for a green one. You’d been instructed to dress warm, which made you wonder what was planned for today. Outside everything looks warm and pleasant, certainly no need for anything too heavy.

By the time afternoon rolls around, you’re tempted to call up Gina for a late lunch or something. To say you’re antsy is an understatement; you’re positively losing it. The clock on the wall has decided to try its hand at stopping time altogether, and you think it’s doing a pretty good job of it. Every time you glace over, seemingly no time has passed.

This time, you really start to wonder if no time has passed. You swear it’s been stuck at 3 o’clock for a while-

The sound of someone knocking on your door has you nearly tipping over from where you perch trying to grab the clock.

For some stupid reason, you’re frozen to your spot at the far end of your living room. Holding the clock in your hands, you jump a little as a second tentative knock sounds.

To your utter mortification, your mouth opens and you yell out, “Come in!”

You’re still frozen in place when the door opens and Yoongi pokes his head in. His eyes immediately land on you, a sheepish smile that he has a hard time containing immediately breaking out.

“You’re not planning on throwing that at me, right?” He asks, making you glare down at the clock you cling to.

“Oh.” Your knuckles have turned white, and somehow your heart has decided to try its hand at sprinting a marathon. “No. I- it’s broken. I think.”

Yoongi shuffles inside, closing the door gently behind him before wandering over to you. His pale complexion makes the pink on his cheeks easy to spot. Somehow the fact that he’s blushing makes you blush.

“Do you have batteries around here?” He asks quietly, hiding his amusement.

“Maybe in the kitchen?” You brush past him, handing off the clock. “Would you mind getting the old batteries out?”

He mumbles out a sure, plopping down on your sofa while he gets to work on the clock. He’s wearing a similar outfit to you, which makes you smile. It’s not very often these days that he sports a bandana and you wonder if he somehow knew that you love the way he looks in it. His hair looks particularly fluffy as it kisses his forehead, the dark bandana giving him an air of coolness you know you could never pull off.

Rummaging around your kitchen drawers, you pause when you realize what you’re doing. Are you stalling? What’s the rush to fix a clock when you have Min Yoongi in the other room waiting to take you out?

Closing the drawer, you take a deep breath and shake your head.

“Sorry Yoongi,” you call out, trudging back into the living room. “I’m an idiot.”

He looks at you over his shoulder, a smirk tugging at his lips. “What’s your reasoning?”

“Ouch.”

Yoongi chuckles, setting the clock down on the coffee table before getting to his feet. “Wow, is it just me or…”

You wince. “This got off to a bad start, huh.”

“Yeah.”

Looking at each other from across the room, you realize just how much you’ve missed him. His witty sarcastic remarks, his honesty.

Him.

“Can we start over? Go knock on the door again.”

Yoongi’s already on his way, huffing out a laugh as he steps outside. “Alright, see you in a second.” The door clicks shut behind him, and you’re suddenly left with the silence of your house.

As Yoongi timidly knocks on the door, the same sense of calm you experienced this morning settles over you.

The seventh date. No more guessing who’s on the other side of the door, no more anxious glances in the mirror to check that everything looks flawless. It’s just you, Yoongi, and the door between you.

There’s already a smile on your face as you open that door, finding Yoongi standing with his hands in his pocket. He returns your grin, feeling like a fellow conspirator in a heist that has yet to be planned.

“I’m here,” he announces, then adds with a chuckle, “finally.”

“Took you long enough,” you tease, reaching out to grab his jacket and pull him inside. He feigns a horrified expression at your flirty nature, but you just roll your eyes. You’re not sure who wraps their arms around the other first, but the next thing you know, you’re wrapped up in a tight embrace.

I missed you, is what you want to say, but the words get caught in your throat. The lump that’s formed there only grows thicker with emotion as Yoongi’s gravelly voice rumbles against your hair.

“How’re you holding up?”

Your arms fall around his waist, ever aware of his shoulder. Even though he says he’s completely healed now, you aren’t taking any chances. It’s quiet for a long moment as you struggle to find an answer.

“I…fine. I’m fine.” You pull away and arch an eyebrow at him, pleased to see that is cheeks are still rosy despite the serious look in his eye. “How are you holding up?”

He lets out a breathy laugh, dropping your gaze. “Fine.” Then, when he catches your disbelieving stare, he states as innocently as possible, “What? Aren’t we lying to each other tonight?”

“You suck.”

“See!” He exclaims as you step out of his grasp to grab your things. “You always do that when you’ve been caught in a lie!”

“Ugh, yah! I wasn’t lying,” you turn around to face him, walking backward toward your room. “I’m fine, really.”

He shrugs. “And so am I.”

You stifle your laughter as you enter your room, grabbing your things and wondering if you should grab a coat. “Do I really need a coat?” You call down the hall.

“Yes!”

Pursing your lips, you snatch the puffy monstrosity from your closet before turning to head out. Double checking that you have everything you need; your eyes can’t help but glance at the item sitting atop your dresser.

You stick your tongue out at it. A few seconds later it’s tucked safely away in your top drawer and you’re heading out into the hallway. Your stomach does an uneasy flip as you recall the words that are practically burned in the backs of your eyelids now.

I loved her first.

Yoongi gets up from off the couch, waiting for you beside the door. His dark eyes survey you as you walk toward him. “Good to go?” He asks quietly. Clutching your coat a little tighter to your chest, you nod.

The two of you head out, locking up your apartment and settling in the car that Yoongi drove over. Before long, you’re out on the highway, speeding toward your destination.

Which, you’ve just realized, is still a mystery to you.

“Sooo…” You begin, smiling lazily at Yoongi. You take a moment to admire his hands that are wrapped around the steering wheel. “Where are we going?”

A smile tugs at his lips, but he manages to contain it as he adopts a serious expression. He glances over at you. “We’re going to see the sea.”

“We’re…” you stutter, furrowing your brows. “We’re going to see the sea?”

A breathy chuckle escapes him. “Yeah. But it’s a long drive, so are you down to listen to a murder-mystery with me?”

“YES.”

You’re still pretty sure that it was the nosy maid that did it by the time you arrive at your destination. Two hours, one murder-mystery short audiobook, and several snacks later, the sun is well on its way to the horizon when Yoongi pulls off to a sandy parking lot filled to the brim with cars.

There’s tons of people mulling about, several of them appear to be young families who smile fondly as their children laugh and play in the sand. There’s a couple of food-trucks that have popped up on the beach, which sport long lines. Yoongi observes them woefully, seeming to come to some sort of understanding with himself before moving to get out of the car.

“Woah, what’s with all the people? Is this beach always this busy?”

It’s a beach you’ve never been to before, the pristine sand glowing as the sun makes its way across the sky.

“Today’s a special occasion,” Yoongi explains, popping the trunk and rummaging around. “We should probably pick out a spot now before all the good ones are taken.”

You come around to the back of the car to meet him, taking the blanket he extends out to you. Leaving your big coat in the backseat, you hope he doesn’t scold you and tell you to put it on. Right now it’s windy, but fairly warm. No need to look like a living marshmallow just yet.

Before you can inquire after what the special occasion is, Yoongi passes you a couple of water bottles and begins rattling off instructions.

“How about I jump in line to buy us some dinner,” the way he says it so casually has your heart skipping a beat for some reason, “and you head down the beach to scout out a decent spot?”

“But what kind of spot do you mean? Is there a show or something?”

Yoongi pauses, closing the trunk and running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, something like that. A show. Just find a spot that you like, I’ll come find you with our food, ok?”

“Ay ay, captain.” You trudge away, hoisting the blanket up higher in your arms as you begin to look for an empty space. The immediate surrounding beach area appears to be pretty packed, which has you marching farther and farther away from the parking lot.

You grin as a couple of children race past you, giggling as they fly their kites. It’s looks like it’s a little boy and with his younger sister, trying their best to keep their kites afloat in wind. Waving at them, your smile only grows as the boy sheepishly turns away and the girl cheerfully waves back.

It feels like you walk for years before finding a clearing. You were definitely looking for a semi-secluded spot, not too keen on spending your long-awaited date with Yoongi surrounded by strangers. It doesn’t even occur to you to ask someone what the big deal is about today before you’re laying the blanket out. Not wanting to leave anything unattended just for it to blow away, you decide to just be patient until Yoongi finds you.

The sand is warm beneath the blanket as you plop down, resting with your face turned toward the sun as you let out a content sigh. Despite the chill of the wind, the sun warms you right up.

“Why are you alone?”

Peeking one eye open at the little voice, you’re delighted to see the same little girl from earlier standing a little ways away. She watches you with a meek expression, her kite forgotten at her feet.

“Oh, I’m not alone,” you explain. “I’m just waiting for my friend to come find me. He went to go get food.”

“Oh.” The young girl shuffles her feet. “My mommy says that I need to get all my wiggles out before the show.”

You chuckle. “Really? What show are we watching tonight? Is it Disney?” That would certainly make sense for all of the young families here tonight. Did Yoongi bring you to a beach-front outdoor movie?

“No, silly!” The girl giggles at your questions. “The sky’s coming to say hello!”

“What?”

“That’s what my mommy said. She said, ‘Young-mi get your wiggles out, the sky is coming to say hello soon!’”

You blink, a little amused by Young-mi’s earnest response. “I see…I didn’t know that the sky was coming to say hello tonight.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Oh,” you crane your neck toward the parking lot, but it’s too far away to see Yoongi. “My friend brought me, as a surprise.”

“Wow,” Young-mi utters in a reverent tone. “Can I meet your friend?”

“I don’t see why not.”

With a gleeful shout, Young-mi takes off running, her kite skipping along the ground behind her. She runs toward her family, her mother grinning at the sight before reaching out to pull her into her arms. You watch on with a forgotten smile, wondering for a split second what that would be like.

If you squint, that could be Yoongi sitting beside Young-mi’s mother, throwing his head back with laughter at something his daughter says to him. Their son crouches in the sand nearby, digging around as though searching for gold.

Laying down with a soft sigh, you close your eyes and let the little daydream take over. Here, at the beach. Telling your children that this is where you had your first date; laughing as they make disgusted faces when Yoongi plants a loud kiss on your cheek-

“Did the nosy maid get to you?”

Yoongi stands above you with arms laden with food. He blocks out the sun, the rays coming around to make him appear like an angel. Judging from the delicious smells radiating from the food he carries, you think he actually might be.

“Ah, so you agree that you think it was her that murdered Duke Rittington?” Your voice sounds a little croaky, a testament to the fact that you were just dozing a moment ago. Leaning up to ease some of the food from his arms, Yoongi snorts.

“No. It was obviously the son. Why can’t you see it?”

Rolling your eyes, you pat a spot next to you on the blankets. Yoongi takes the seat without hesitation. “Because, the son seems like too easy of a suspect. Whereas the maid-”

The screams of Young-mi as she rushes toward you cut you off. “You have a boyfriend?!”

“Oh, no.”

Yoongi leans over, still busy arranging the bags of food – is that a cheeseburger you see? – around the blanket. “Who’s that?” He mumbles.

“I, uh, made a friend while you were grabbing food,” you explain with a small smile.

Now Young-mi reaches your blanket, dropping to her knees as she gazes up at Yoongi with wide, innocent eyes. “Hi, my name is Young-mi and I’m four years old. I’m the second tallest in my class.” Young-mi prattles off information, her large eyes never once leaving Yoongi’s face. “Are you her boyfriend? I hope you’re her boyfriend.”

Yoongi lets out a startled laugh. “You do? Why’s that?”

“You’re so pretty.”

Now both of you burst out laughing, Young-mi looking utterly confused at your outburst. Yoongi covers his face with his hands, shaking his head.

“What? What’s so funny?” Young-mi questions.

You grin at her. “You think he’s pretty?” The little girl nods enthusiastically. “I do too.”

Yoongi peers over at you at this comment, an unasked question in his eyes. The pink in his cheeks has intensified, as has your own blush.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one complementing you?” He asks under his breath. You shrug.

“You brought food, so now we’re even.”

Young-mi lingers a little while longer, asking a few questions and drawing in the sand. Munching down on your cheeseburger, you eye Young-mi’s kite.

“Do you mind if I try to fly your kite for a second?” The question is out of your mouth before you can fully process it, but Young-mi looks up at you excitedly.

“Yes!!” She squeals, immediately dragging the little handle over to you. “You have to run really fast, that’s what my mommy told me. Then it’ll fly!”

Glancing back at Yoongi as you clamber to your feet, you don’t miss the fond smile he wears as he watches the interaction take place. You wave at him, heading off down the beach with Young-mi. Once you’ve walked far enough, you wink down at her.

“Ok, you run on ahead and I’ll catch up in a few seconds.”

The girl wastes no time running off, her laughter making you feel lighter than you have in weeks. Once she’s far enough off, you take off after her. She heads straight toward her family, who smile at you as you attempt to get the kite off the ground.

Sand flies up behind you as you race, and you catch a glimpse of Yoongi with his phone out, recording you with a wide smile on his face. The sun has hit the horizon now, a dizzying array of colors sending your mind into a joyful frenzy. Up ahead, Young-mi has successfully made it to her family and is waiting for you to catch up. She jumps up and down as the kite soars above you, the little pinwheels attached to it spinning around in the wind.

A bit more energy overtakes you, and you sprint the last few yards toward Young-mi, unable to stop the laugh that jumps out of you. You feel so free, here on the beach. It’s almost like you’re up there flying with the kite-

“Wait!”

Someone shouts it, you’re not exactly sure who, but by the time the plea registers in your ears, it’s too late. Foot catching in the hole that Young-mi’s brother had been digging earlier, you feel a twist of pain before tumbling to the ground.

You cry out, barely managing to catch yourself before faceplanting it. The handle from Young-mi’s kite digs painfully into your hand, but that’s the least of your problems at the moment.

Young-mi’s family rushes over to you, but before they reach you Yoongi is dropping to your side.

“Oh,” you pant, “hi Yoongs.”

“Are you alright?” He’s also panting, and you wonder if he had begun running after you before you even fell, foreseeing your path. “Your foot…”

“I am so sorry!” Young-mi’s mother stoops down on your other side, her husband right behind her. “We completely forgot that Doyun even dug that hole! Can you move? Are you in pain?”

From where you’re laying belly-down on the sand, you can’t help but feel the burn of embarrassment in your cheeks. “I…move? Yeah, I can – ah never mind.” You wince as you attempt to get to your feet only for the dull ache in your right foot to flare up to a fiery red pain. Yoongi immediately reaches out for you, unsure of what to do. His hands ghost over your leg, but retract when you hiss in pain.

“Here, my husband-” Young-mi’s mother points over her shoulder to the man in question. “He’s a nurse. Honey, could you…?”

“Do you mind if I take a look at your ankle?” The man asks in a gentle voice. “Just to make sure nothing’s broken.”

With a nod, you allow both him and Yoongi to help you swivel around to sit the correct way, the blush you already have deepening even more when Yoongi takes up a spot at your back. He gently pushes your shoulders back until you’re leaning into his chest, his arms coming to wrap around you in a protective manner.

When you wince as the man delicately presses down on your already swollen ankle, Yoongi begins talking.

“So, is it just me, or has this entire night been a disaster?”

You let out a choked laugh. “No, Yoongs. Well, maybe it has, but it’s all my fault. I can’t believe I fell, how embarrassing…”

“Oh, are you two out on a date? Er, sorry for prying…”

Both you and Yoongi awkwardly chuckle. “No, no…um, yeah. We are.”

“It’s our first date, actually,” Yoongi adds as an afterthought.

“How exciting! Honey, it’s their first date, did you hear that?”

The man currently inspecting your ankle spares the two of you a kindly glance. “Good for you two. You make a good looking couple.”

“But I swear I’ve seen you before,” the mother comments, squinting at Yoongi. “Where do I know you from…”

You can feel Yoongi tense up behind you, but he doesn’t say anything yet. Instead he takes to finding your hands (which you’ve slipped into your sweatshirt pocket to avoid accidentally punching the man poking and prodding at your foot), eventually curling his hands around yours and steadily unclenching your fists.

“Oh! I know it! Do you do commercials?”

Yoongi lets out an audible sigh of relief, which makes you smile for half a second before a particularly hard prod at your ankle sends you into a tailspin.

“Yeah, I’ve done a few commercials.”

“I knew it. How’s it looking, honey?”

Her husband sits back on his heels, giving you a nod. “Nothing appears to be broken, you just twisted it pretty good. Babe, grab that icepack out of the cooler. You should keep ice on it for a while to counter the swelling.”

A second later you’re handing a little bag of ice. “I don’t wanna take your ice,” you comment lamely. Yoongi chuckles in your ear, pulling back from you and standing.

“It’s just a disposable pack we used for the cooler,” the mother explains, waving off your concern. “No need to worry. We’ve got plenty more. Now, go enjoy your date!”

“Yeah, try your best to have fun. And keep ice on that, on and off for the next couple of days. It shouldn’t give you too much trouble after that.” With a wink toward Yoongi, your temporary nurse gives him a little nudge. “You seem like a good man. I think you’re in good hands here, miss.”

Young-mi bids you a mournful goodbye as you limp away with Yoongi, quickly coming to find that sand isn’t the kindest to people hopping around on one leg. You’ve made it all of four hops while clinging to Yoongi before he stops.

“Hop on my back,” he commands, stepping directly in front of you.

You blanch. “But Yoongi…your shoulder.”

“It’s fine. Just hop on. You don’t need to limp all the way back to where we’re sitting.” When you hesitate another moment, he looks back at you over his shoulder, his dark eyes sparking in the sunset. “Jagiya.”

Well, the man puts up a convincing argument.

Yoongi crouches down so you don’t have to jump, and with a bit of careful maneuvering you manage to hop onto his back. His hands grip your thighs, hoisting you up a bit higher which makes you gasp a little. Your arms instinctively wrap around his neck, careful to avoid putting too much pressure on shoulder.

Setting off toward your abandoned blanket and food, you can’t help but feel a rise of disappointment in your chest.

“Yoongi?” You mumble, almost sounding like an embarrassed child.

“Hmm?”

Hiding your face in the back of his neck, you groan. “I’m sorry.”

Yoongi’s steps falter before he continues on, confusion evident in his tone. “Sorry? For what?”

The calm that you felt earlier has completely shattered at this point, and you grit your teeth against the pain in your ankle and the onslaught of emotions that surface. What happened to picture perfect? Why couldn’t you focus?

Other than sitting in the car together, you feel as though you’ve hardly touched base with Yoongi. You haven’t seen the man in nearly two months, and yet here you are distracted as ever. Distracted with your dumb broke clock, distracted with the audiobook, distracted with a kite.

Yoongi stops in his tracks as he feels hot tears against his neck. “Jagiya?”

“I- I’m so sorry, Yoongi,” you blubber. “I’m an idiot! I c-can’t focus on anything tonight and…and now I’ve made everything fall apart by going and getting h-hurt…Yoongi, it hurts so bad. A-and now I’m complaining, which is making everything worse!”

You’re surprised when Yoongi doesn’t say a single thing, instead picking up where he left off as he trudges on toward the blanket. In response to his silence, you continue in your repentant monologue.

“And you waited in line to get us fooood,” you bite down on your lip as you fight the urge to wail. “It’s probably c-cold now, and you waited for s-so long to get it…I feel like such a bad person…if you don’t wanna continue the date, I u-understand. I promise I won’t tell anyone if you want! J-just, I’m so sorry, Yoongi. I’ve completely ruined this, and you drove t-two hours to get me here….” You’ve reached the blanket now, Yoongi gently sets you down, and you hobble on one foot as you half-expect him to grab his keys and set off toward the car. “I just can’t think straight because I read that stupid pact and-”

“Woah, back up.”

Swiveling around to face you, Yoongi has a frown etched into his face. It makes you want to turn and run, to crawl into a cave to die from embarrassment, but it’s the fact that you can barely manage to stand on one foot at the moment – let alone run – that has you standing still.

“You read the pact?” You blink, hopping a little. When Yoongi sees your struggle he reaches out to you, steadying you. “Here, let’s sit.”

“W-we’re staying?”

Yoongi gazes down at you, the look in his eyes turning unspeakable soft. “Yes, jagiya. Unless you aren’t feeling up to it anymore?” He looks as though the thought of leaving now pains him, but he waits patiently for your answer.

“I wanna stay.”

“Good. Now, what’s this about you reading the pact?”

Having successfully turned into a sniffling mess, you wipe away your tears with an angry swipe. It’s time to come clean.

“I found a copy in Jin’s room-”

“What were you doing in Jin’s room?!” Yoongi whispers frantically, growing more concerned by the second. You wave him off.

“-and I took it! I knew I shouldn’t, but I just wanted to know, you know? So I stole it but that was stupid because then I saw that thing on the back…the little note.” Your words trail off, unable to even say the word lovewhen Yoongi’s looking at you like he’s unsure of whether he wants to laugh or cry.

“The little…note?”

“Yeah, you know…” You shake your head, moving on. “And since I saw that, I’ve been a mess. Like, an actual mess. I finally called Gina help just to get some help, I needed someone to talk to because you know, I can’t talk to you guys right now which is stupid. But I’m still so lost and I screwed everything up and my ankle hurts Min Yoongi!”

You’ve stunned yourself into silence with your outburst, Yoongi across from you looks a bit lost himself as he sits back on his heels. It’s clear the moment he comes to a realization.

“The note.”

It’s all you can do to breathe normally and not burst out into tears again. Yoongi’s expression turns mournful when he sees you.

“Oh, jagiya…” leaning forward, Yoongi somehow manages to pull you into his lap. Wrapping his arms around you and tucking your head close to his chest, Yoongi pulls you in as close as he can. He sways gently back and forth, a hand coming up to cup your cheek to make you look at him.

You do so begrudgingly, feeling like nothing more than a large child. However, the moment you meet his eyes, it hits you like a lightning strike.

“Do you remember,” he begins quietly, “that time when your final paper accidentally got deleted? All you had left to do on it was add the reference page. You were distraught, remember?”

Of course you do. It’s the stuff of nightmares. Countless hours spent laboring over a final essay for a class you loathed, only to make a stupid mistake and delete it all. All of it, all nineteen pages were gone in a blink. Your hard work along with it.

“I remember you called me, a sobbing mess. Obviously I thought you’d hurt yourself, the way you were crying about killed me.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, leaving you completely enraptured in his spell as he continues speaking. “I fought with Namjoon because I needed to go see you, but we had a schedule. It was an interview, I don’t even remember for what or with whom, but I was so angry. I seriously thought I was gonna punch him. Then I remembered he goes to the gym a lot more than me, so I didn’t.”

He manages to make you crack a small grin at that. The sight spurs him on. “But I’ll never forget the sight I saw when I finally made it out to your house later that night. It was like what, two in the morning? No one knew I was even going over, which obviously I did on purpose. I didn’t want to get into another argument. When I walked in your apartment, you were sat at the kitchen table. Remember?”

The memory is vague, tinged with exhaustion and disappointment, but it’s there. You’d set up camp at your kitchen table all day, missing all other appointments just to try to rewrite your paper. You were half delirious at that point, staring at the screen seemed equal to burning at the stake.

“I’ve never seen you look more exhausted in my entire life,” Yoongi chuckles. “I remember I was ready to write the paper for you, I was so sad for you. But when I made it over there, I was floored to see that you’d already written it. Not only that, but you’d written twenty-seven pages. Twenty-seven! Who does that?!” He shakes his head at you, looking absolutely shocked.

“When I asked you why you would do that, you just shrugged and said, ‘why not reach for the stars?’ Then you submitted it, stood up, walked over to me and gave me a hug before going straight to bed. I was so shocked that I just stood there for ages, trying to fathom what had just happened.”

Yoongi sighs, glancing up at the night sky. You admire his jawline from this angle, nuzzling in a little closer to him for warmth. He notices that you didn’t bring your coat out with you, giving you a playful glare before gently rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

“Why did you tell me that?”

You can feel his shrug. “You are more capable, more special than you will ever know. I’ve always kept that in my heart, over the years. Why not reach for the stars? Jagiya…”

Yoongi shuffles a little bit before cupping your chin and pointing toward the horizon where the sun has slipped down. The night sky is becoming more visible by the second, a few stray stars winking down at you.

“Look.” He points at a certain spot in the sky just in time for you to see a streak of breathtaking light.

A falling star.

In the span of a few minutes, you’re completely speechless as the sky continues to darken and your eyes are glued heavenward. Gradually, more and more falling stars dart across the sky, taking your breath away. As they continue, you recall Young-mi’s words. The sky is coming to say hello.

Yoongi reaches for your hand, easily enveloping it while tracing the outline of your knuckles.

“You,” Yoongi breathes out, sending tingles down your spine. “Are the stars I’ve been reaching for ever since that night.”

Heart thundering against your ribs, you turn to look at him only to find his eyes also trained on the heavens. He speaks the words softly, almost to himself, but you still catch them.

“You’re a star, all the way up there…and I’m all the way down here. Maybe all I’m meant to do is admire you from afar. But for tonight, just for a moment, I’ll hold you.” His eyes slide down to meet yours, glinting with pure starlight. Cold and beautiful. Hurtling toward you, burning up in your atmosphere and leaving you wondering what would happen if you let him in.

If it would lead to utter destruction or the most beautiful thing you’ve ever witnessed.

All words have escaped you at this moment in time, but you don’t feel the need to scramble for some sort of a response. Instead you settle for snuggling in a bit closer, allowing Yoongi to hold you a bit tighter.

Tonight, he’ll hold you close to his chest while what will later be recorded as the most prominent meteor shower in recent history rains down above you. The dark night sky is set aflame with streaks of silver as falling stars graze the earth, sharing a sweet goodnight kiss as they hurtle through space. You marvel at the seemingly never-ending parade the night sky puts on, relishing the way Yoongi keeps your warm as he also marvels at the wonder above you.

There’s no words that are exchanged for the entirety of the meteor shower, the only form of communication found in the patterns Yoongi traces out against the back of your hand and the way he gazes down at you from time to time. As though making sure you’re really there.

It’s a long while before the meteor shower begins to fade, and it’s only when you hear Yoongi softly calling your name that you realized you’ve dozed off.

“It’s over, jagiya,” he coos, brushing hair away from your eyes. “Let’s get you to the car, then you can sleep the rest of the way home.”

Somehow you two manage to make it to the car, you yourself being much more coherent by then due to the sharp pains in your ankle. You realize that you two are some of the few people left at the beach, making you wonder when everyone else left.

Your eyes are half-closed when Yoongi begins to drive away, your hand finding his atop the console.

“You know you don’t need to worry about us, right?” Yoongi mumbles out, glancing over at you with a worried expression. “We’ll support whatever you decide to do. Remember what I said before? You’re the most capable person I know. You don’t need us, not really. Just…be happy.”

You mumble out something incoherent, not completely realizing that he’s referring to the aftermath of the pact until you’re already asleep.

The next thing you know, you’re parked in front of your apartment and Yoongi is grinning down at you from the passenger side door.

“C’mon,” he urges, helping you out of the car. “Careful with the ankle.”

“Mmm.”

It takes a bit of careful maneuvering to get up the stairs to your apartment, but you manage to make it. Leaning up against the door, you fumble for your keys.

Once you’ve found them, you hand them straight over to Yoongi. You’re far too tired to attempt unlocking your door at the moment. He laughs at your behavior, shooting you a proud gummy smile when he unlocks the door. You don’t even have to ask before he’s assisting you inside, helping you hobble to your room before turning to leave.

“Thank you, Yoongi. For everything.”

Yoongi smiles down at his shoes. “We’ll swing by tomorrow to check up on you if that’s ok?”

We.

Your stomach flips to remember that you’re over now with these dates. Now what-

“Or just shoot me a text? I know that might be awkward if we all show up…”

“Thank you. I’ll text you?” You sigh, running your hands over your face. “Yoongi, I…” You trail off, staring up at him from your bed as your mind and heart races. There’s just no words.

With a soft smile, he leans down and pecks your nose. The innocent gesture has your ears turning red, which widens his grin.

“I know.” He whispers back.

And then he’s gone.

And you’re left here, suddenly colder than ever.

main masterlist

the dates are DONE. please let me know your thoughts, I love hearing from you! Tomorrow I'll be opening up a poll for your top two dates, so stay tuned for that!

alsooo stay tuned this week because I may have a lil bonus chapter for you guys

taglist: @baepsaetay @dreamcatcherjiah @kookie-vuitton @thecaffeinatedscribbles @moon-write @fangirl125reader @heishichoulevi @knjkitten @sacha-cff @vik7797 @eusticenatalie @hesmyphenominiall @miriamxsworld @kayahay @secretlycrazyhummingbird @marianeamine @hqtetsurou @protontippens @beginwithamin @delacyrose224 @luvtaeha @fanfictionreader05 @mininimmy @dreadity @starlight-night0 @luzaroon @seaoffangirling @prachi05 @fangirl125reader @bluehairedotakugem @hunnibxbe @kayahay @fanfictionreader05 @seokjinmoonfics @littletinyhobi @honeyhalcyon @yoontaethings @herrmionejgranger @beepbeep11 @extraordinary_reads @vntwishlist @aussiebeachbabes @hitsussi @hannah2291 @alwaysasadaesthetic

#bts x reader #bts fluff #bts dating au #Yoongi x reader #bts ot7 x reader #bts friends to lovers au #yoongi friends to lovers au #bts as your best friends #bts imagines #bts fanfic #suga x y/n #yoongi x y/n #armywriterssupport

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