#so enjoy this small selection from my files lmao
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the-kipsabian · 9 months ago
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so. any specific kip thoughts on your mind? 👀
today in particular?
ARMS
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tataswish · 4 years ago
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❝   at the rooftop  /  myg.
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━   ・  paring:  aspiring rapper!min yoongi x reader. ━   ・ genre:  neighbors au, smut, fluff, with a pinch of angst. ━   ・ word count:  5.0k.   ━   ・  contains:  mutual pining, dirty talk, unprotective sex (wrap it before you tap it!), rooftop sex, and a little bit of sadness at the end. ━   ・  summary:  in which you look back at the memories you’ve made with yoongi, the neighbor who you once fell in love with. heavily inspired by the song ‘the one that got away.’
author’s note:  i had a dream about this so... here it is. LMAO. it’s been i while since i last wrote so excuse my rambling but happy reading! i thought about making a mini series out of this but... we’ll see. <3
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The day you first met Min Yoongi was a memory you always looked fondly back at.
It happened one gloomy afternoon. After another tiresome day at work, you decided to find solace on your apartment building’s rooftop—a place that easily became your go-to whenever you wanted to spend time in solitude. No one ever really was up there (with the exception of the parties thrown by residents from time to time), so it was always strange seeing someone else who wasn’t you up there.
There was something about that place that brings you so much comfort. Maybe it was the string lights that hang perfectly across the ledges, the mixture of house plants displayed around the area, or the inviting smell of vanilla greeting your nose from the candles on almost every surface—it was nice. If the chance presented itself, you would be there for hours on end doing nothing and be content with it.
Making your way towards the rattan sofa that sat right beside the ledge, your tracks were suddenly put to a stop upon seeing an unfamiliar face sitting at that very same spot. He was leaning back on one side of  the off-white cushion, legs slightly spread apart, chilled bottle of beer in hand as his eyes gaze absentmindedly at the view of the city skyline beside him. He must’ve been so lost in thought, because even with you standing in front of him, he didn’t move.
“Is that seat taken?” you asked amidst the silence while feigning a warm smile.
That was enough for him to finally snap out of his trance, because you could see him jump from his spot and immediately straighten his posture. You couldn’t help but stifle a soft laugh. “No—no, yeah, no. It’s not. I was getting ready to leave anyway, so—” he was already beginning to stand from where he was sitting, obviously flustered at the situation he’s been put in.
“I don’t mind sharing!” you interjected before impulsively placing a hand on the stranger’s arm as some sort of reassurance. At the realization, your eyes began to grow two times its size, and you retracted it at an instant with your cheeks flushed.
It was silent for a moment. Between you trying to gage how he felt about the sudden contact and him wondering what the fuck just happened, it clearly triggered some sort of fight of flight response. Your mind was scrambling, trying to find the right thing to say, but before you could even open your mouth—
He laughed. It was a low, yet bubbly laugh—one that you never thought would eventually fall in love with. As the lights above perfectly illuminated his features, that moment was also the first time you saw him smile. There was something stirring up within you, a feeling that gave you so much warmth from merely watching this stranger express happiness, even if it was for a brief moment.
In fact, it was so contagious that you began to laugh too.
You didn’t think you’d enjoy being comfortable with silence until you met Yoongi. Despite the fact that you spent a majority of that evening sitting in silence, it didn’t bother you at all. In most instances with others, you almost always felt obligated to say something, anything after a while but you didn’t feel that pressure with him—this stranger that you’ve only met three hours ago.
Still, you basked in the moment. The two of you sat together on that large couch, sharing the view. You were sitting with your legs criss-crossed, both arms resting over them, while Yoongi relaxed by sinking deeper into the cushion, one arm resting on the couch’s back—which was also right behind yours. You immediately learned that he, unlike yourself, wasn’t much of a talker. In the few hours you’ve spent with him on the rooftop, you’ve only learned: his name, age, and the fact that he moved into this building just today. Why? That was a mystery you’ve yet to discover. You also didn’t want to be that person who practically interrogates the new guy, trying to discover his whole life story in the span of one night. If he was living in the same building, you were confident you’d see him around from time to time anyway. Besides, it was evident that the two of you were already comfortable with each other’s presence.
“What kind of music do you listen to?” The question took you by surprise. From staring at the skyline, he then glanced back at you, eyebrow slightly cocked.
It took you a minute to think of something. If Yoongi was the type of person who took people’s music tastes seriously, you wanted to make sure you’d give a solid response—but then again, you wanted to avoid an obvious copout answer either. Truth be told, your music taste was all over the place. Shuffling any of your Spotify playlists was a dangerous game, because it could jump from contrasting genres that wouldn’t make any sense.
So you kind of… panicked.
“I like anything,” you blurted out, already regretting your choice of words. Deep inside, you were cringing, because it left a bad taste in your mouth.
You knew he was going to be disapproving of that answer, but he surprised you with a different reaction instead. Instead, he let out a small chuckle. “Anything, huh? What about rap? I have something I want you to listen to.”
Intrigued, you adjusted your position on the couch, eyes watching him as he shuffled to get his phone out of his pocket. The black, chunky headphones that hugged his neck were then offered to you, and you flashed a small grin upon taking it before putting it on yourself. At this point you were curious. So, your prying set of eyes continued to watch his phone’s screen as he scrolled through a list of what seemed to be recordings until selecting a file that was named Trivia 轉: Seesaw.
You weren’t sure what to expect. Initially, you thought this was some random song recommendation that he wanted to share with you, but it was much more than that. The moment you heard the artist of this track begin to sing the first verse, you were left in shock. “Is this you?” you mouthed quietly over to him, who to your surprise, was now sitting incredibly close to you. It took you a minute to notice the way that your knees were pressed against one another, faces inches apart.
He smiled bashfully with a nod. Truth be told, you didn’t expect it. Yet, you were sitting there, head nodding to the beat as the melody graced your ears. Despite only knowing him for only three hours, you knew that there was something about this song that… suited him so well. You weren’t sure if it was the eloquent rapping or the deep lyrics behind it, it all screamed Yoongi.
And you were in love with it. It became one of your favorite things to listen to.
“I can’t believe…” you trailed off once the song finished, gently lifting the headphones off of you to give them back. “I went on with my life without being blessed by this song until now. Yoongi, that was fucking amazing. If I knew you longer, I would’ve started crying but… I spared you the misery tonight.”
He rolled his eyes with a smile, flattered—but feeling shy at the same time. “Relax, ____, you don’t have to kiss my ass. I can take criticism. It hasn’t even been released yet; I just wanted to get your opinion on it.” Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he looked at you expectantly. “Tell me the truth.”
“I’m serious, Yoongi. I swear on my life,” you assured softly, a smile growing across your lips as your hand raises to swear by it. “It’s definitely one of those songs that people are going to play on repeat. Everyone’s going to love it.”
“Yeah?” he asked, attempting to hide his widening grin.
At this point your gazes were locked with one another, and you could’ve sworn he could hear the rampant beating of your heart. “Yeah,” you confidently answered back.
Later that night was the time you discovered that Min Yoongi was actually your newfound neighbor. It all happened by accident—the two of you meant to part ways after leaving the rooftop, but ended up taking the same flight of stairs down, walking through the same hallway, and stopping right next to each other after saying “bye” at the same time upon reaching both of your doors.
“Stalking me already? Really?” you quipped playfully, looking back after opening your door.
“How do I know you’re not stalking me first?” he joked in return, suggestively raising an eyebrow. He finished unlocking his own door too.
“I mean, I lived here first, so… pack it up Joe from You.” And your answer was enough for the two of you to fall into a giggling fit after.
Yoongi was the first to say goodbye. He continued to stand before his door, hand on the knob despite not wanting to step inside any time soon. “Thanks for letting me crash your alone time today... and for listening to my shitty music. It was nice.”
“Of course,” you replied warmly. “I won’t argue with you, but know that as of today, I’ve become Suga’s #1 fan. Expect me to be in the front row of your shows from now on.”
Even with the roll of his eyes, you could clearly tell that he was amused. “Night, _____. Just don’t fall in love with me, alright? I don’t date fans.”
“Sweet dreams, neighbor. And don’t worry, I don’t plan on falling in love with you any time soon.”
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Yet somewhere along the way, you found yourself falling in love.
He’d been your neighbor for a few months now, and the two of you practically became attached to the hip. You later learned that when he first moved into the city, he didn’t expect to make any sort of friends. Yoongi only planned on making music 24/7—hoping to kickstart his music career after some time. Apparently, before he moved into your building, he was working in some financial firm crunching numbers for eight hours straight. He was engaged too. But, when he revealed to his fiancée (now ex fiancée) that he wanted to quit his job and pursue music… she didn’t take it very well. So, they later separated and Yoongi searched for a new beginning in a city miles away from everything he once knew.
Unlike his ex, you strove to become extremely supportive of his music career. In fact, he was supportive of your teaching career too. On Wednesday mornings, he would always volunteer to come into your classroom and sing a few songs in front of your kindergarten students during circle time. He’d also stay to read a book or two before heading out to get lunch—only to wait for your break so that the two of you could eat together. Then on Friday nights, you would be standing front row in his shows. While his venues were mostly at nightclubs and the city nightlife wasn’t your thing, you were still there—singing along to his music and at times making the best attempt to rap as fast as he could. You’d wait for him by the back after his set, and it became a tradition to head to the nearest convenience store to fill up on ramen, alcohol, and shrimp chips (a staple for every night in).
It was hard not to fall for someone like Yoongi. There was just something about him that you absolutely adored, and even though you were sure he didn’t reciprocate those feelings in that way, you were okay with that. Having him be a part of your life was enough.
The two of you always joked about it though, how you were each other’s soulmates. How one would always complete the other; plus, sharing this sort of mutual understanding that doesn’t need to be talked about. You’ve never felt this strong pull with anyone else, and he’s admitted it too.
“There she is,” you heard the familiar voice coo from afar. Looking up from your phone, you spotted Yoongi leaving through the back door of the nightclub, approaching as if you were the one who just finished performing a show. Still, the grin on your lips couldn’t stop spreading at the sight of him.
“Oh my god, Suga! I’m like, your biggest fan! Can I get a picture?!” you shrieked, attempting to put on your best impression of the teenage girls who’ve been approaching him often lately. Even with all of his shows taking place in venues that only allowed people over the age of twenty, he still harbored a lot of young fans. While they weren’t allowed to watch his shows, they showed their support in other ways.
He rolled his eyes but attained the beaming smile swept across his lips. In all the time you’ve known him, you’ve discovered that Yoongi was never really one to crack a smile with others. But with you? You were the only exception to that.
His skin was glistening from the beads of sweat that trickled down after performing, and you took it upon yourself to gingerly sweep his coffee-colored bangs off of his face with your fingers. He was staring at you at this point, and you were desperately trying to keep it together without melting into putty in his hands. Because one thing’s for sure—the way he looks at you will always be your weakness. “What?” you challenged, now using a tissue you pulled from your bag to lightly dab his facial features. Your voice was faint, quiet enough to still be heard with your faces only inches apart.
“Nothing,” he replied lowly, stifling a small laugh. “I like looking at you.”
After another successful trip to the convenience store, you and Yoongi went back home to change into more comfortable clothes before meeting back up at the rooftop. It was nearing midnight, so the city was getting ready to turn in. The buildings gradually began to turn their lights off, which only made the stars littered across the night sky shine brighter than before. The rooftop was well-lit thanks to the string lights and candles around you, and even with the cool December breeze sweeping through, you were comfy underneath the plush blanket that wrapped around both of your bodies.
It was nights like this that you held special to your heart.
“Be honest with me,” Yoongi brought up amidst the comfortable silence. He placed the plastic bowl that held his ramen onto the coffee table in front of him before looking back at you. “Do you think I made a mistake? You know… leaving everything in my old life behind to do this? I mean—don’t get me wrong, I love it, I just… feel guilty. There’s always this voice in the back of my head that’s yelling at me for being selfish. My life was fine before, you know? I screwed it all up.”
You blinked slowly. It wasn’t the first time he’d shared his doubts with you, but it was always concerning how much it lingered in his head. At the end of the day, what’s done is done. No matter how many times he feels guilty, he shouldn’t look back anymore. This was his life now.
But how could you put it into words that’ll make him understand?
Finishing your food after setting your own bowl down, you took a moment to process everything and think of an answer. You knew very well that you weren’t some licensed therapist capable of giving credited advice, but you were fairly decent at providing comfort to others. “I don’t think so,” you finally replied, keeping your gaze on him steady. “You have to think about it this way, Yoongi. Yeah you were fine before, but… were you happy? Like, actually happy? And are you happy now?”
Those questions left Yoongi speechless. He really took the time to ponder on it, chewing on his bottom lip in thought. You tried to read his expressions, though, it wasn’t any help. It was quiet. Aside from the soft music playing in the background from the small bluetooth speaker that sat on the ledge, the silence that simmered between you two was piercing.
“I guess I wasn’t,” he breathed after a short sigh. “I was miserable.”
You felt his pain at that moment. There was something about the way he said it—how it made your heart wrench and your stomach churn. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” he waved it off, and you could sense the slight frustration in his tone. “If anything, meeting you made everything better.”
Biting back a smile, you instantly began to feel the heat rush through your cheeks. Your chest was pounding and your head was dizzy—shocked at how those little words could make your head go haywire. Still, you did your very best in keeping it collected. “Yeah?” you asked, sounding hopeful. Your glistening eyes met his, shifting your body a bit to fully face his.
“Yeah,” he reassured, unable to keep his smile any longer.
That very night was the night Yoongi decided to be bold. He brought a hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind ear, only to lessen the distance between both of your faces. Even with your head spinning, you were still able to admire his soft features—the way his eyes literally sparkled when they looked at you, the way his rosy cheeks from the alcohol became more prominent. “You make me so fucking happy, ____. I thought you were just going to be another face I’d see from time to time when we met that night, but… you became more than that. I think I’m in love with you.”
And at that moment, it felt like time had stopped between you two. That nothing else mattered in the world aside from the fact that Min Yoongi—the neighbor you fell in love with—felt the same way.
“Be honest with me,” you decided to match his boldness by using a free hand to gently sweep his bangs off of his face. They were trembling a little, but he didn’t seem to notice. His eyes kept its focus on you and you only, feigning that same look that always makes you crumble.
He nodded, egging you to continue.
“Would you kiss me right now if I asked?”
Your lips were immediately met by his. It was sweet, and you could taste the hint of ramen broth and beer that lingered. The way his lips felt matched the way that he kissed you—soft, and tender. His hands found their way on your hips beneath the blanket your bodies shared, while yours rested perfectly on both sides of his jaw. With chests pressed against one another, you noticed that his heart was pounding too. And that only made you smile in between kisses.
At this point, neither one of you wanted to pull apart. Instead, your lips were roughly colliding in full-force, the intensity of the kiss amplifying. Yoongi’s hand began to trail down further until his fingers reached the inside of your thigh. Your breath hitched at his touch, desperately wanting him to explore further. But he chose to stop. “Yoongi,” you said his name in an unintentional soft whine after pulling away, practically begging for more friction.
Rational thinking was thrown out of the window tonight. You were riding from the high of Yoongi practically confessing his love for you, and all you wanted to do was have him. All of him.
“Hm?” he let out a quiet hum, fingers dancing closer and closer. His lips continued to wander across your skin, peppering kisses all over your neck and down to your exposed collar bones.
“Touch me,” you whispered into his ear. “Please.”
He didn’t waste another moment. He reached over to slide your pajama pants down in one quick pull and you assisted in kicking them out of the way. It gave him leeway to use the pads of his fingers to gently massage your clothed core, pressing just enough to provide pressure that had your lips leaving quiet moans that were thankfully, still masked by the music in the background. “Take this off and spread your legs for me,” he demanded lowly.
You’ve never seen this side of him before—but god he knew how to turn you on. If the blanket wasn’t over you right now, you would’ve felt exposed from the wetness pooling in between your thighs. But you did as you were told without any hesitation, sliding your panties down until they hugged your ankles, kicking them off entirely, leaving your bottom half bare beneath the warm fabric.
Yoongi took it as a cue to slide his fingers between your legs and prying them apart. You’ve never felt more vulnerable than at this moment. Even with the blanket hovered securely over your body, the way his gaze was on you was more than enough to make you feel like he owned you tonight. And you were okay with that. Slender fingers dipping into your dripping core, he used it as a way to collect the overflown juices before using it as a lubricant to massage your throbbing clit. His pace was agonizingly slow, but it still made your back arch off of the couch in pleasure.
The sight only made him mumble profanities under his breath.
“Do you think about me when you touch yourself, ____?” he asked, dark eyes still locked on yours. He was still close, and you could feel his hot breath tickle your skin at each word. Slowly inserting two fingers on the get-go, your eyes impulsively roll back at the way they stretched your walls in the best possible way. His pace soon began to quicken without a fair warning, and you couldn’t help but whimper each time they pump into your g-spot. “Do you think about me fucking you like this?”
Your headspace was such a euphoric state that you couldn’t even find the right words for an answer. Rather than saying anything, you only nodded feverishly to let him know that he was doing everything right. The thought of having Yoongi’s fingers fucking tirelessly inside you was more than enough to rile you up and near your orgasm.
You’ve thought about it multiple times before. Every time you see him on that stage, swiping the sweat off of the back of his neck that left his fingers glistening, your mind begins to wander into dangerous places. It was hot—there’s no denying it.
You were close. But as soon as you were about to finish, the momentum was put to a stop, because you took it upon yourself to remove his fingers out of you on your own. Confused, Yoongi began to look at you as if he’s done something wrong, though, you hoped he’d get the hint the minute your hand found its way to palm his hardening erection through his sweatpants. “I wanna finish inside you,” you breathed, planting kisses that began from his neck and worked its way up to his lips.
“Then do it.”
Using both of your hands to pull both his sweatpants and boxer briefs down, allowing for his length to spring free. After he successfully kicked them both off of him, you stood from your previous position to straddle him, putting both hands on his shoulders to support yourself. His eyes carefully watched you as you slowly unzipped your hoodie, revealing that you wore nothing underneath.
He was mesmerized. And it was all for him—with the blanket still covering both of your bare bodies, he was the only one who could see you like this. No one else.
A devilish grin laced your lips at the sight of him speechless as you helped remove his sweatshirt. Slowly but surely, you lifted yourself up slightly to line Yoongi’s erection up before sinking in.
The two of you both let out a satisfied moan in unison, and Yoongi’s hands began to wander around your warm body—hands stopping at your ass to dig his fingers into your flesh as you rocked your hips at a steady pace. His mouth on the other hand was busy with your breasts, tongue flicking against each hardened nipple even as they bounced.
“Do you think about me fucking you like this?” you mimicked him in a playful yet sultry tone, using both of your hands to lift his face up in order to make full-on eye contact with you while you continued to ride him. He threw his head back in response, all while still keeping his gaze on yours. From his expression alone, you could tell that he was wrapped around your fingers.
But instead of giving you any sort of real answer, he rolled his eyes and pulled you in for a kiss, satisfying his craving for your lips once more. Before you knew it, your positions had switched, and you were fully lying down on the couch with Yoongi on top of you. The blanket had been partially discarded since Yoongi couldn’t care less about it, only draping over the bottom half of your bodies. You let out a small shiver as you felt the cold air, but it all seemed to disappear the minute you felt his length fill you up once more.
“You’re my weakness, _____,” you heard him say softly once your foreheads touch, his lips brushing against yours. His thrusts were at a slow pace, but it was still enough to hit your g-spot each time. “After meeting you that night, I knew I was fucked.”
It was unfair—how Min Yoongi knew how to tug your heartstrings in any situation (literally). There was nothing more intimate than this, though. The two of you were left vulnerable, and he found the perfect moment to say it. “I feel the same way,” you whispered, hands lifted up to cup his flushed cheeks. “Because I think I’m in love with you too.”
Yoongi began to pick up the pace upon hearing you confess. With one hand gripping tightly on the couch’s arm rest until his knuckles turn white, another snuck in between your bodies to have his thumb rub your clit, matching the intensity of his thrusts.
“Yoongi, I’m so close—” you whined quietly into his ear while he continued to fuck you senselessly, walls fluttering and tightening around him. There was that familiar feeling building up inside you, and you were so close to coming undone. Yoongi continued to snap his hips into yours while tracing quick circles around your sensitive bundle of nerves until you felt yourself let go. Your body jolted as you cried in please, and even then, he didn’t stop. He milked every last drop of the wave of pleasure he’d given you that left you out of breath. There was this buzzing that refused to leave your ears, and your eyes were watery from the overwhelming feeling.
Smirking in satisfaction, each thrust became more sloppy and erratic. It didn’t take long for him to follow suit, pulling out to finish on you. He groaned as you felt his warmth spill across your frame, panting from the intense session the two of you just shared.
“Damn, I made a mess,” he said playfully after reaching out for a napkin on the table to wipe your body clean, which earned a soft slap on his end. He only laughed once you were able to sit back up, leaning in to steal a quick kiss on the lips.
Once the two of you were finished getting dressed and cleaning the area, you both decided to stay on the rooftop for a few more minutes. Both of you were nuzzled against one another for warmth, your back pressed against Yoongi while he had an arm wrapped around you. SUGAR by BROCKHAMPTON was playing in the background, and Yoongi was singing softly to the chorus while you quietly admired his small performance.  
“Remember when you said you wouldn’t fall in love with a fan?” the words left your lips with a smile, recalling the memory like it was only yesterday. At this point, you were just there to tease him. “Tsk. Can’t believe I’m into a hypocrite.”
He laughed, nose digging into your hair. “You’re different. I’d do anything for you.”
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↳   PRESENT DAY.
“Ready to go, babe?”
You’ve spent the past hour sitting on the rooftop’s sofa in solitude, admiring the blue sky in front of you. You were quietly humming to Suga’s Trivia 轉: Seesaw to yourself as you watched the view, until you were interrupted by the familiar voice entering your ears. The smile on your face widened as he approached you, offering a hand to help you up.
It’d been months since you’ve last heard from Yoongi. He was off doing bigger, better things—and you were proud of him for that. After spending hours and hours of going back and forth with one another one night, the two of you had the realization that the long-term goals you both had didn’t align. He was asked to commit to a world tour for the next year and a half, and you wanted to stay where your life was. Here.
Yoongi was more than willing to drop his entire career to be with you, but you knew it wasn’t right. So, no matter how painful it felt, you had to let go. He’s made so many sacrifices to get to where he was, and you refused to be the reason why he couldn’t live his dreams. No matter how much you both loved each other.
Deep inside, you’ve always hoped that he’d come home. That one night you’d find him sitting in that very same spot on the rooftop, legs sprawled apart, absentmindedly staring at the night sky. But it’s been months. No calls, no texts—only a meek dial tone at the end of the line.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but Min Yoongi was simply the right person you’ve met at the wrong time.
“Yeah,” you answered Jungkook softly before taking his hand to lift yourself from the seat. A quiet giggle left your lips once your boyfriend pulled you closer to pepper kisses on your cheek, and the two of you began your walk out of the building. “Let’s get out of here.”
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just-like-playing-tag · 3 years ago
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A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2020 - June 13, 2021
2019-2020
The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.
Top 10 panel edits:
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#1: It's our first morning
Date: Aug 20th, 2020 Time: ~ 2:18 h I really like how this one turned out!!! The 2020 Emma b-day edit has a lot of major panel redraws, but this is probably my favorite. I I really enjoy how I made the shadows work!! And the ear banfage looks pretty neat. Nice!!! Immagine
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#2: Norman birthday edit 2021
Date: Mar 20th, 2021 Time: ~ 2:21 h Awww, soft Norman :') There was a bit to redraw, but I think everything turned out pretty neat!!! I believe everything works out fine. Though looking back at it, the part of the ID I added is definitely top small :')
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#3: Manga dub: Yuugo gets knocked out
Date: Mar 27th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:05 h Here start the Manga Dub redraws to which I gave my everything ahah. This one turned out nice! I think the shoes turned out particularly good eheh. I like how Yuugo's clothing lineart- for the texture, I wanted to go for something heterogeneous, but I'm not fully confident in the final result. Gilda looks very rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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#4: Manga dub: Yuugo makes his dramatic entrance
Date: Apr 5th, 2021 Time: ~ 4:02 h This is pretty cool!!!! The coat took ages to redraw, but sis it turned out perfect!!! I'm very proud of this.
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#5: Manga dub: RayGildEmma hug!!!
Date: Apr 9th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:31 h Awww, a beautiful panel I was really happy to have the chance to redraw. Taking into account what there was to redraw, I'm actually surprised with how little this took! Ray's backpack was a pain to make, but I think it turned out fine. I'm very happy with Emma and Ray's heads!!
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#6: Manga dub: Formalities
Date: Apr 12th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:31 h It is not always easy to give sense to Demizu's perspective, but I do my best!!! In this I am *so* happy with how Don and Ray turned out, they look neat! The background on the other hand... It took hours to make ahah. I'm not fully confident in the perspective, but I'm happy with the details I've added- I really did my best to make it look like athe other manga panels and I think it paid off!!!
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#7: Manga dub: We may be weaklings, but we're still alive
Date: Apr 30th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:37 h This little Emma is so cute!!!!!! I think the redraw turned out pretty perfect. I'm really satisfied with how this one turned out, and it's such a cute little Emma!!!! She's so brave and optimistic, I love her. It's a shame this panel didn't make it to the episode :')
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#8: Manga dub: Goldy Pond Gang
Date: May 7th, 2021 Time: ~ 8:44 h lmao This is probably the panel redraw I'm the most proud of ever :') Just think everyone turned out very nice!! The ceiling is not exactly perfect, but it still works somehow. I'm very happy with how Gillian's back turned out!! I don't really like the fading effect on the right, but 8h in I got pretty tired of working on this ahah
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#9: Manga dub: This is Goldy Pond
Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 1:29 h I'm very glad for how the Manga dub has been challenging me to learn to redraw backgrounds, something I had quite literally never tried before. It can be a little frustrating, but it's so satisfying to see the final cleaned piece!! With this panel, I also learnt to use copy and paste, which is something I had never done before beyond texture
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#10: Manga dub: Good morning doctor
Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 3:42 h This is another background that turned out pretty good!! That one Norman is one I knew I would have had to fully redraw sooner or lager- the background was a bonus ahah. I'm very happy with the final result!!
Top 5 edits as whole:
#1: The Promised Neverland manga ending edit
Date: Jun 14th 2020 Time: ~ 12h 41min (5h 45min of cleaning panels in the edit + 5h 37min of cleaning panels that didn't make it to the edit + 1h 19min of resizing) + time spent cleaning panels I've deleted the file of so I can't see lmao This is overall very nice!!! The concept of an Emma evolution through her back is cool, and I think overall the edit turned out very aesthetically pleasing. The concept idea came to me while I was working on the 2019 Emma's birthday edit, a long time before the manga ending announcement- back then I wouldn't have imagined using it in occasion of the manga ending, but I think it ended up making a nice tribute. The colors add a nice touch, since so far my edits had always been black and white- it makes a sweet closure. To make that edit I selected 76 panels of Emma framed from her back; I plan to make other versions of that edit using the discarded panels eventually!
#2: Emma - Chapter 181: Beyond Destiny
Date: Jul 12th 2020 Time: 2h 57min My last edit for the manga 🥺🥺 I think this one is my very "manga ending edit" because to me it really signed the ending of weekly chapters and their weekly chapter edits. It makes me a little sad to look at it, but it's also, I don't know, kinda sweet to see how I grew both in my panel cleaning and as a person since I first started my blog. I'm glad I got into TPN!
#3: Emma birthday edit 2020
Date: Aug 22nd 2020 Time: 8h 54min This one turned out so well!!! Though I used the same concept for all the trio edits, I think this one is the best one. The two panels on the left / two panels on the right alternation combo never fails ahah. The colors are nice (shout-out to my sister for making me a palette), despite the fact that it was hard for the lighter ones to make them work with the images without having those disappear. I'm very satisfied with the panels I chose for this, I think they work really good together! Also, it got me very happy to read everyone's comments saying they liked the fading effect in the last panel :)
#4: Emma + Eyes Close Ups [1/?]
Date: Jan 24th 2021 Time: 5h 55min This one was really nice!! Another idea I got when working on the 2019 Emma birthday edit I was glad to finally execute. Started the edit in September, finished it in December. I'm overall very happy with how it turned out... I hope I will be able to make more in the future!
#5: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (9/?) » 114 // 122
Date: Feb 23th 2021 Time: 5h 7min (panel cleaning only) Aaaaahh I really like this one!!!! A parallel I love very much, and I'm really happy with how the edit turned out. All the hair redrawing looks neat!!!! The gif is maybe a little excessive, but I think overall it's a nice edit. I like it!!! Fun fact, I completed it on August 26th 2020, but I couldn't find the right moment to post it ahah.
Honorable mention: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (5/?) » 08 // 16
Date: Aug 30th 2020 Time: 2h 52min (Second picture cleaning only; I deleted the first picture art file so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) I don't have much to say about this one except!! It turned out very nice!!!!! Love the pen lmao.
Top 10 analysis:
Too many analysis,,
#1: Post chapter 181 Emma analysis
Date: Jul 9th 2020 Mmmh a nice analysis. I think it was important for me to put down in words what I think of Emma's characterization and the manga ending, so I'm happy I did it!
#2: A long Oliver analysis because I love him very much
Date: Dec 6th 2020 What can I say I just love Oliver tons 😔😔💕💕 This was very fun to make!!!
#3: TPN s2 previsions
Date: Jan 14th 2021 Really love the effort that went into this + me proving that 11 episodes GP could have possibly worked + it's just a lot of fun to read again after s2 ended pffft
#4: More s2 delusional previsions lmao
Date: Jan 27th 2021 I think the points and previsions I made where pretty neat!! In my defense, it was pretty impossible to predict the anime would have ended with this season. I always feel honoured when friends and Anon ask for my opinion, I'm like "you wanna know what I think? Wow. I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍) " Thank you to anyone who ever sent me an ask!!
#5: Why Emma not wearing pants is 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘
Date: Jan 29th 2021 Really proud of this!!! Pants Emma is important!!!!!
#6: Post episode 5 manga Emma analysis
Date: Feb 4th 2021 A depressed analysis, but a necessary one 😔
#7: Norman analysis
Date: Feb 12th 2021 I love him!!!! And I'm happy I eventually got to put down in words what I love about his character. The day I posted this ww3.readneverland was in maintenance so I couldn't use the volume scans for it- the thought of that post having fan edited and fan translated scans still haunts me
#8: RayDon rambles
Date: May 12th 2021 I had a blast writing this and like. It's likely the post of mine I reread more often of them all. I love this ship tons!!!!! I'm satisfied with how I put down in words what I like about them. I LOVE THIS SHIP
#9: Chapter 58 analysis
Date: May 23th 2021 I've wanted to express this concept since like the first time reading the manga- I'm so happy I finally did!!!! This concept is one of my absolute favorite things about tpn- the feelings that people are good. The concept that kids who got to live in an healthy and supportive environment will always be inclined to kindness and altruism, because humans are just inherently good. From the Three Character Classic: “people at birth are inherently good”. I want to have faith and courage to hold on the goodness in myself, and to hold on the goodness in the world, no matter how difficult it to do that (Chloé Zhao).
#10: Norman and Lambda squad relationship analysis
Date: May 24th 2021 I think this was a pretty sharp analysis and I like what I did with it!!
Other stuff:
#1: Krone birthday edit
Date: Jul 15th 2020 This edit is so good ;; Like not perfect since it was my first attempt at coloring gifs but still I believe it turned out so good ;;;;;; The time and effort that went unto this is crazy, but... Maybe I'm happy to have dedicated time to something I like for a satisfying result.
#2: Get to know my ship- Wolfpack Trio
Date: Aug 24th 2020 Uuuh a good post. A good ship.
#3: Gilda + blank glasses
Date: Aug 27th 2020 This is such a cute nice compilation!!! I love looking at it. A few panels are missing but still :')
#4: Apollo Ray AU
Date: Sep 7th 2020 (Though it was written Sep 2nd 2019 lmao) I'm so happy I finally gathered the courage to post this 😭😭 I really enjoy what I did with this AU, so this one and its other installments are all posts I have a lot of fun rereading. More than everything, I was astounded and overjoyed by the positive response it got: that gave me tons of confidence to put my ideas out there, no matter how unique they sound!!! Here's to hoping I will be able to post my RayEmma Hadestown AU, by other big AU from late summer 2019 :')
#5: TPN timeline project
Date: Dec 2nd 2020 This is like. I don't know it's a lot ahah. Arguably the project I'm the most proud of ever making. I'm just so happy of all the months long hard work and of the final result!! The post didn't receive much response (though the ones I got were extremely kind and sweethearted so that totally makes up for it), but in the end I don't really mind? I'm just so proud I accomplished that idea :')
#6: TPN calendar
Date: Jan 4th 2021 A nice sum of the tpn timeline + everyone's birth dates!!! I really like how it turned out visually. It's a cute little tpn calendar!!!
#7: Ray smiles compilation
Date: Jan 17th 2021 Ray's smile. That's it that's the post :')
#8: Trans Oliver headcanons
Date: Jan 24th 2021 MMMH really like this headcanon I think about it a lot
#9: Thoma and Lani theory
Date: Jan 28th 2021 I really don't want to brag but this is the best joke I've ever made :')
#10: My TPN AUs
Date: May 10th 2021 Ok you gotta admit those are very good AUs, I'm glad to have made a list out of them!!!
#11: Ranking Emma promotional art outfits
Date: May 16th 2021 This is one people seem to have liked a lot which makes me happy ahah. I'm glad to know we can all agree Emma deserves more pants outfits!! Please stop it with the gendered clothing :') This is the post I want to be remembered for
#12: TPN musicals AU part 2
Date: May 20th 2021 A GREAT POST I can't stretch enough how happy I am with those character-song associations. I hope I have time to make a part 3 in the future!!
#13: TPN Drive folder
Date: May 30th 2021 This was born as a way for me to have all the tpn extra contents easily accessible, but I'm happy to have shared it with people- I hope it will turn out to be useful to others too!
#14: TPN s2 recolorings
Date: Jun 12th 2021 A more diverse children cast is good for the soul :')
That's it, this year was really fun!! Thank you to everyone who supported me through it, I can't express how grateful I am for all the kindness and validation I received. Here's to many more months in the fandom!!! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*.✧
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jingabitch · 5 years ago
Text
I Love Recycling
SUMMARY: wherein water is a scarce and precious resource and you are given to Jennie as her recycler.
RATING: Explicit
PAIRINGS: Jennie x reader; side Rosé x reader
WARNINGS: smut | watersports | future au | dystopian au | idol au | kai-bashing (sorry) | inherent power imbalance | some D/s dynamics
WORD COUNT: 21.6k
A/N: !!! i was honestly scared to post this and I’m still kind of nervous so I hope you guys will be kind 🥺🥺 if i get hate on this i’ll probably delete my blog altogether lmao. this is for the handful of followers who wanted blackpink watersports.
Year 2086
Most mornings, Jennie didn’t really enjoy waking up, and would sleep past noon if she didn’t have any morning appointments. Even when she did, she often snoozed her alarm until she couldn’t anymore before getting ready.
Today, however, Jennie woke up before eight in the morning, excitement making it difficult for her to go back to sleep. Instead, she came out of her bedroom to the common area of the dorm, much to the surprise of her group members.
“Unnie, what are you doing up so early?” Lisa, who was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table having some fruit for breakfast, asked.
Chaeyoung, sitting next to Lisa and nursing a cup of tea, laughed at the question. “She’s obviously excited about today,” she teased, smirking mischievously up at Jennie.
The older girl rolled her eyes and headed to the kitchen to get some coffee. “What’s wrong with being excited?” she asked when she came back to the living room, sitting across from her two bandmates. She meant to sound tough and sassy, but there was a bit of vulnerability that she couldn’t quite hide.
Hearing it, Chaeyoung immediately backtracked. “Unnie, there’s nothing wrong with being excited! We’re sorry we laughed. I think it’s really great that you’re getting a recycler.”
Jennie blew the steam off the top of her coffee mug to avoid making eye contact with her dongsaengs. “Really?” she asked.
“Yeah, I mean, this has been your dream since even before we debuted, right? We’re happy for you, really.”
That cheered Jennie up a bit, and she smiled at them. “Okay,” she accepted, grateful to have such supportive friends. Getting a recycler had been a big decision, especially since she didn’t live alone. She’d initially been nervous to broach the topic with them, terrified that they would say no to such a big commitment and having another person living in the dorm with them, but they’d been cheering her on the whole time.
It was common for idols, as well as other members of society’s rich and elite, to have recyclers. After all, water was a precious resource, and rationed to each individual or family unit based on net worth, contributions to society, and so forth. The distribution system was regulated by an algorithm so complex most people couldn’t understand it, and there were, unfortunately, people at the fringes of society who didn’t get enough water to survive.
The solution, therefore, was relatively simple and straightforward. People who weren’t assigned enough water to survive could sign up to be recyclers and be assigned to members of society who were given an excess of water, and the name was somewhat self-explanatory. Basically, recyclers… recycled the water the elites drank.
Put more bluntly, they drank pee.
It was highly regulated, of course – applicants who wanted recyclers of their own had to go through health checkups and maintain a healthy and responsible lifestyle before they were assigned a recycler. There were background checks, home visits and it was overall a very stringent selection process. Even as the only daughter of a wealthy family, Jennie hadn’t been able to qualify. It wasn’t until she was an established idol with a group and a thriving solo career that she finally got the letter informing her that she was now eligible to undergo the selection process to have a recycler if she wanted it.
And, well… she definitely did. Recyclers, because of the nature of their relationship with their assigned donators, grew very close to them, a bond that often lasted a lifetime. It was exceedingly rare for recyclers to apply for a new donator – approximately 0.1% of recyclers did, usually because their handler abused them or had contracted a disease that made it unsafe for them to continue donating their urine. Jennie did not intend on being part of that 0.1%.
As an only child, Jennie had often been lonely growing up, and after watching a documentary when she was in her teens about the intimate bond between donators and recyclers, had craved that kind of companionship. Today, a long-held dream was finally coming true, and she was going to be bringing her assigned recycler home today.
She still had a little bit of time before she was supposed to get ready, so she opened her laptop and pulled up the file she’d been sent on her recycler. The file was comprehensive – full name, picture, age, educational background and other details. Enough for Jennie to start constructing an idea of what the girl she’d been assigned would look like, but not enough for her to understand L/n Y/n, the person. Still, she supposed, there would be plenty of time for that in the coming years.
Really, the agency had done a remarkable job of finding her the perfect companion. She’d had only a few vague ideas about what she wanted – a girl, preferably, because she was just more comfortable with having a girl around 24/7, someone younger than her so she could dote on her and fulfil her older sister fantasies, and cute. The last requirement was something that she’d reluctantly added at the request of her management company. Having recyclers was a symbol of stature, and played into idols’ image of being successful and wealthy. Jennie didn’t necessarily like it, but they wouldn’t have okayed her having a recycler who wasn’t photogenic, so she’d had no choice.
As much as she knew about her recycler, Y/n didn’t know much about her at all, because she’d requested that her identity be kept strictly private. With the amount of public interest in idols’ lives, she knew her seeking a recycler would be leaked if she didn’t take the utmost care to keep it secret, and even though it was inevitable that everyone would eventually find out, she wanted to keep it to herself just for a little while. A few weeks to get to know her recycler without public scrutiny, was that too much to ask for?
Anyways, given that her recycler didn’t know anything about her or who she was, she wanted to make a good impression. She’d been thinking of what to wear for days now and hadn’t been able to decide, but now time was running out and she had to choose something fast.
“Aaaargh,” she cried, ruffling her hair in frustration as she stared at her closet. Half of her closet was Chanel and the other half was filled with assorted haute couture pieces, yet she couldn’t come up with something that she was confident meeting you in.
Hearing her scream, Jisoo slipped into her room sleepily. “What’s going on?” she asked, yawning. Jennie had woken her up, and she sat down on the bed, sighing. She wished she was still in her own bed.
“Unnie, I can’t figure out what to wear,” Jennie complained, turning to her bandmate.
Jisoo blinked at her. “Why are you having such a hard time? It’s not a big deal.”
“But I want her to like me,” Jennie whined, sticking her head back into her closet.
“She’s going to like you no matter what, Jennie-yah,” Jisoo said, her eyes drooping.
“You don’t know that! How could you possibly know that?” Jennie cried, sliding the hangers one by one along the bar in her closet to look at all her clothes.
Jisoo sighed. “Just don’t wear pants. It makes it harder to… you know.”
Jennie, who had been looking at a pair of wide-legged trousers, turned back to look at Jisoo with wide eyes. “Oh my God, that’s true,” she said, sliding it over to the right and beginning to browse through her skirts and dresses instead.
In the end, she went with a simple ensemble – a white, off-shoulder, cropped blouse with a large bow on the bottom and a short black pleated skirt. Because she was a Chanel girl at heart, she paired it with a small black Classic Flap and heeled booties.
By the time she was ready to leave, she was running late (despite her early start today!) and dashed out of the dorm, yelling a hasty goodbye to her roommates. As she walked towards her car in the underground parking lot of the dorm, she sent out a quick prayer of thanks that YG had finally lifted the ban on the members driving. This whole thing would have been all the more awkward if she’d had to have someone drive her there.
------------------------------
As she pulled into the parking lot of the Bureau of Water Distribution, Jennie pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. The security to get in was fairly rigid, since there were so many high net worth and prominent individuals who came to pick up their recyclers here. On the bright side, that meant no paparazzi, and everyone around her today would either be trained to ignore the fact that she was an idol, or famous enough that her presence wouldn’t faze them.
After parking her BMW, Jennie got out of the car and entered the building, psyching herself up to meet Y/n. It was just the most important day of her life, that’s all. You could divorce a husband, but recyclers were forever. She introduced herself at the counter and was almost immediately taken to a private room, where she was told to wait for her recycler.
With some time to kill, Jennie started looking around. The room was beautiful – marble flooring, leather couches, fancy furniture and art. This room was designed with its wealthy occupants in mind, and it showed. She squirmed in her seat nervously, her heart pounding from the nerves. If her recycler didn’t come soon, she was going to find her on the ground, unconscious.
Despite the anticipation, Jennie almost leapt out of her seat when there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” she said in a shaky voice as she stood up, her hands folded in front of her. The door opened and a stout lady in a pantsuit bustled in, clearly a member of the staff here from the lanyard dangling from her neck.
“Miss Kim, it’s nice to meet you. This is L/n Y/n,” she said, stepping aside so Jennie could take a good look at you.
You were clearly nervous, your eyes downcast and your hands, like hers, clasped politely in front of you. Without raising your eyes, you folded yourself into a deep bow, your torso parallel to the ground. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Kim. Thank you for choosing me as your—” Your eyes widened in shock as you saw the person who was standing in front of you for the first time.
“Right, well, I’ll leave you two to get to know each other. When you’re ready to leave, just give me a call and I’ll give you the rest of the paperwork,” the staff member said before making herself scarce.
“Thank you,” Jennie said, nodding at the staff member as she left and shut the door behind her. Then she turned her attention to you. Your clear nervousness did a lot to put her at ease – she immediately slipped into nurturing mode as she saw how vulnerable you looked. Clad in the plain dress that came standard issue for recyclers, slightly hunched over, trying to make yourself smaller… the wave of tenderness that rushed over her almost knocked her clear over.
“Come sit down,” she said, sitting on the couch herself and patting the cushion next to her in invitation.
“Okay, Miss Kim,” you said politely, making a beeline for the couch. Clearly, you’d been taught to be obedient to your donator, but this was a little excessive, Jennie thought.
“You don’t have to be that formal, Y/n-ie. You can just call me Jennie,” she reassured you. “And you can relax. I don’t know what they taught you about how recyclers are supposed to act, but I really want you to become part of my family,” she continued, placing her hands over yours, which were still clasped together tightly.
Your gaze drifted from your hands in your lap up to her, and the apparent sincerity in her gaze as she smiled at you putting you at ease. It was still terrifying, of course – you hadn’t known until just now that your mysterious donator was a world-famous idol, and you didn’t quite know how to react. Still, the earnest expression on her face had you believing that no matter what, she would be right there with you. It was a nice feeling, and you couldn’t believe that someone you’d known for about five minutes was able to make you feel this way when no one in your life had ever succeeded.
“Thank you, Miss Kim— I mean, Jennie-unnie,” you amended hastily. “Sorry, it’s just that your file only had your last name, so I got used to calling you that in my head.”
Then you realized what you’d said and flushed scarlet, much to Jennie’s delight. It was reassuring to know that she hadn’t been the only one looking over your file almost obsessively.
“Don’t worry,” Jennie said, squeezing your hands lightly. “I’ve been excited to meet you too. I know my file was pretty empty, though, so I’m happy to answer any questions you have before we sign the papers.”
“R-really?” Your eyes lit up.
Jennie chuckled. It was so easy to make you happy, it seemed. “Go wild,” she encouraged.
“Does being your recycler mean being in the public eye a lot?” you asked the first question that came to your mind.
Jennie hummed thoughtfully. “It might,” she admitted. “But we’ll all do our best to protect you, so you don’t have to worry, okay?”
You nodded as you digested that, then asked the next question. “Will I be living in the dorm with the other members?”
“Yeah, at least for a couple of years. When the lease is up on the apartment, we probably won’t renew it. It’s weird for us to be so old and still living together.” Catching your dumbfounded expression, she laughed. “Why? Are you excited to meet the others?”
At her question, you immediately ducked your head, though she could still see how red your ears were. She laughed in delight. “Y/n, are you a fan?”
You yanked your hands out from under hers to cover your face, which was hot to the touch. “Maybe,” you confessed miserably. She definitely found this weird now and would request a different recycler; you’d screwed things up before it even began.
“That’s so sweet,” Jennie cooed, patting your head. “Don’t worry, I’m sure everyone will love you.”
That didn’t sound like she was upset. Peeking at her from between your fingers, you saw that she was smiling, so you slowly lowered your hands. “Really?” you asked with a small voice, and she nodded at you, still smiling.
“Okay.” You smiled shyly back at her, and Jennie could barely resist cooing over you.
“Are you ready to get the papers now?” she asked, and you nodded.
She used the intercom in the room to call the staff member back, and the paperwork was quickly dealt with. You both signed the copies of the agreement presented to you – one for each of you, and one for the Bureau’s records – and that was it, you were free to go. Before the staff member left, however, Jennie stopped her to ask where the restroom was.
“What? You have a brand-new recycler right there!” the staff member barely got out through peals of laughter. Jennie looked over at you and flushed. She’d asked out of habit, forgetting that this was your whole purpose.
“Take as much time as you need, you can leave when you’re ready. Have a nice day!” she said as she left. Jennie and you stared at each other with wide eyes for an awkward moment before you looked away, clearing your throat.
“Uh, right… how do you want to do this?” you mumbled.
Jennie gulped and looked around. She hadn’t really thought that far ahead yet. “Uhh… how do you prefer to…?” she asked uncertainly.
Your gaze snapped up to hers. “I’ve never practiced it,” you told her. “Donators usually like to train their recyclers themselves according to their preferences.”
“Oh…” Jennie was clearly way out of her depth, floundering for help, and you felt a deep tug inside you that compelled you to provide that guidance.
You placed your hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back onto the couch, then got on your knees in front of her. It was here that you hesitated – was it too intimate to help her remove her clothing? Was this something she would expect of you? – and you slowly raised your hands, giving her plenty of time to take off her own panties if she wanted to.
Instead, she continued staring down at you as you slipped your hands under her skirt, resting against the smooth, warm skin of her hips. It boggled your mind that you were in this position – you, who’d entered Bureau protection at the age of fifteen, who’d led a miserable, unspectacular life right up till this point, had been chosen as Jennie’s recycler. And she was so nice, too. Maybe this was an apology from God for dropping the ball on your life so badly.
“All right,” you murmured. “Here we go.” Then you hooked your fingers in her panties and started drawing them down. You’d never done this in real life, but there was an abundance of written material for recyclers, so you knew in theory how it worked. Swallowing hard, you pulled the scrap of lacy fabric down her legs gently, then set them aside.
“Uh, okay…” You looked up at her. “So, how do you want to do this? Do you want me to close my eyes, or…”
Jennie just looked blank. Clearly, she hadn’t given much thought to the details involved in recycling. Well, you thought optimistically, this was preferential to the donators who fetishized the act.
“I don’t know,” she finally admitted.
“It’s okay,” you rushed to comfort her, squeezing her ankle. “We can figure it out together.” Sooner rather than later would probably be best though, since she was starting to squirm in her seat. Pushing her knees apart, you positioned yourself beneath her, opening your mouth and looking up at her face.
“Is this okay?”
“Uh, I guess?” She was still gnawing her lip uncertainly, though, so you sat back to regard her.
“Is something bothering you?” you asked, your brows knitting together in concern.
“I don’t know, this is just kind of weird, isn’t it?” she fretted. “I don’t want to accidentally spray you in the face.”
You bit back a laugh. You were literally drinking her urine, and she thought you were afraid of getting some on your face? That was kind of cute, you thought. “Even if you do, they always keep wet wipes and towels in the rooms so that’s not a problem. If you’re really worried, I can form a seal with my mouth, but I read that sometimes it’s harder to pee like that.”
“Okay, let’s try that first, and then if it doesn’t work, we can go with the wipes?” she suggested. Your new donator was honestly so cute, and it was so different from her onstage persona that you were confused. Compartmentalizing it all and prioritizing her current needs over your disbelief that any of this was happening was the only way you were getting through this, but there would be plenty of time later to sit and mull over your thoughts.
Shuffling back slightly, you bent down to press your mouth to her bare pussy, being extremely careful with the… placement of everything so you didn’t make it awkward. Once you were settled, you remained still, focusing on not moving your tongue at all. Not knowing where to look, you ended up focusing on the ceiling. As a result, you didn’t see Jennie’s face twist slightly as she tried to focus on releasing her bladder.
Even though you couldn’t see it, you heard her huff in frustration and effort and felt the minute movements as she clenched and released her pelvic muscles, trying to start the stream. You waited patiently, your hands resting in your lap, forcing your body to relax to avoid stressing her out.
Eventually, she managed to do it, a little spurt trickling into your mouth. After that, it felt like the floodgates had opened as she started peeing more forcefully, forcing you to gulp it down hastily if you didn’t want to choke.
Urine, you’d read, tasted bitter and/or salty, depending on the diet of the individual. You’d been prepared to get used to it, knowing that you didn’t have much of a choice, but thankfully Jennie didn’t taste awful, which was probably because of her healthy diet. It just made you all the more grateful to have been assigned to her.
The stream eventually petered out, and you waited for a second to make sure she was done before pulling back, not sure if she wanted you to help clean her off. You looked up at her uncertainly and found her staring at you with a look of such sheer contentment that you couldn’t help but smile back at her.
“Thank you, Y/n-ah,” she said, still looking blissed out, and you helped her get dressed before standing up. She stood up too and took your hand as she led you out of the building.
When you stepped out, you blinked, slightly disoriented. You’d barely left this place for five years, and now you were leaving for good. It felt weird – even though you knew that this day was coming, especially after you received the file on your donator, it still felt strange to be walking out like this, with Kim Jennie from Blackpink, no less.
Jennie caught your bewildered expression and paused. “Are you okay?” she asked, taking a step back so she was standing next to you again.
“Uh, yeah, just… it’s been a while since I came in,” you replied dazedly, looking up at the building. It looked so ordinary from the outside.
You didn’t have that many things, having led a fairly spartan lifestyle in the Bureau, so there wasn’t much to load up her car with. Jennie had been informed, of course – donators were expected to provide for all their recyclers’ needs, which was one reason why the income requirements for donators were so strict. You slipped into the passenger seat of the BMW, looking around with wide eyes and sitting carefully with your hands folded in your lap, not wanting to touch anything unnecessarily.
“Relax, Y/n-ie.” She laughed at you as she started the car. “Put on your seatbelt,” she reminded, pulling out of the parking lot. You buckled yourself in but continued sitting uncomfortably.
“Seriously, chill out. You’re going to be spending so much time in this car; you can’t possibly stay like that forever.”
“Okay,” you said shyly, relaxing just a little into the seat. The windows were all tinted so no one could see in, which was probably for the best, since you were not ready to be plastered all over the tabloids.
“So tell me more about yourself, Y/n-ie,” Jennie requested. “You mentioned earlier that it had been a while since you came in. When did you join the Bureau?”
“When I was fifteen,” you explained.
“Really? That’s young. I thought people could only sign up to be recyclers when they turned eighteen.”
“That’s true, but there are exceptions for extenuating circumstances, like where families are unable to provide for their children.”
“Oh,” she said awkwardly. “I’m sorry.” You could see her wincing, like she was afraid she’d said something wrong.
“No, don’t be,” you assured her. “I never had the best life anyway. It actually got better when I was emancipated from my family. I got to finish my GED and everything because I joined the Bureau.”
“Well, that’s good,” she said a little lamely, not sure how to process that. She’d always known she was fortunate to be born into a family that could afford to give her all the opportunities that had led her to where she was today but seeing the difference between her life and yours so starkly forced her to confront her privilege more directly.
She directed the conversation back to more neutral topics and the drive home passed relatively quickly. As they took the elevator up from the underground carpark, Jennie prayed with all her might that the others hadn’t decided to do something completely over-the-top and ridiculous to welcome you into their home. You already seemed overwhelmed with everything that was happening (and yeah, maybe she should have consented to letting you know her identity before today) and she didn’t want to stress you out anymore.
Thankfully, there were no streamers or anything like that, although all three of the girls were seated on the couch, eagerly waiting. When the door opened, they leapt up as one, rushing to the door. You were, of course, startled by the sight of the three celebrities all but tripping over themselves to come greet you, and hid behind Jennie, clutching the back of her shirt while you peeped at the others over her shoulder.
As annoyed as she was with the others for being so extra, she couldn’t help but enjoy the way you were clinging to her, seeking protection and comfort. This was exactly what she’d been craving her whole life, and on the day that she met you, you provided it for her so effortlessly.
“Guys,” she frowned at them, but none of them were buying it since they could all see the subtle signs of her happiness that she couldn’t quite hide. It was in the way her eyes softened slightly and the relaxed posture of her shoulders.
“Sorry,” Lisa giggled. “We were just so excited to meet our new roommate.”
“Well, this is L/n Y/n,” she introduced you, stepping aside so the others could take a good look at you. Deprived of your shield now, you seemed to fold in on yourself.
“Hi,” you said in a voice so soft it was almost a whisper. Your greeting was accompanied by an awkward little hand wave, and Jennie could see the rest of the girls melting over you.
“Okay, let’s get you settled in, sweetie,” Jennie butted in. You nodded and followed her to her room like a baby chick, and she busied herself with showing you around and telling you where your stuff was, trying her best to ignore the sound of the others sitting in the living room cooing and giggling to each other.
When she was done, which honestly didn’t take that long since the apartment was rather modestly sized anyway, they returned to the living room where Jennie sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and you knelt politely next to her.
“I’m hungry, did you guys order lunch yet?” she asked the others, looking at the impressive collection of takeout menus spread out across the coffee table.
“No, we thought since it’s Y/n’s welcome lunch, she could order!” Chaeyoung explained, smiling at you.
“You guys, that’s so nice!” Jennie was moved on your behalf, but you were basically frozen, staring with wide eyes down at the menus. You had no idea what to do – at the Bureau all meals had been provided (and none of you had ever had any money anyways), and back when you’d lived with your parents, takeout had been a rare luxury.
“Um, what do you like, unnie?” you immediately turned to ask Jennie, the person you were the most familiar with in the house, albeit not by much.
“You should choose what you like today, Y/n-ie!” Jennie, absolutely unhelpfully, encouraged.
“Uhhh…” You turned back towards the dizzying selection of menus. “Maybe we can just get some kimchi stew?” You went with the most simple, basic option you could think of. Your mother used to make it for special occasions, and it was one of the few good memories you had of your childhood home.
“Yeah, that sounds great!” Chaeyoung cheered enthusiastically, sweeping aside the mess to pick up the menu for her favourite stew restaurant. “What do you guys want? I’ll order it,” she asked the others, and soon all four of them were poring over the menu, their heads close together as they discussed what dishes to get.
Since you’d already chosen, you sat back on your heels, watching them. Really, for being one of the most popular groups in kpop today, they seemed surprisingly normal to you. You hadn’t known what to expect coming into their home, but they were doing their best to make you feel included and comfortable with them.
Even as you were looking on fairly contentedly, ruminating on your good fortune to have gotten such an amazing second family, Jennie reached over to your lap and took your hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly. When you looked over at her, she smiled at you, trying to convey without words just how happy she was that you were here.
For the first time, you started to believe that maybe the Bureau had been right when they’d assured the recyclers that they would help them find new homes far better than the ones they’d left.
---------------------------------
After lunch, all the girls retreated back into their rooms for naps. You and Jennie ducked back into her room – well, you amended, it was your shared room now – and Jennie shut the door in Jisoo’s face as she tried to come in after them. “Sorry, unnie, but she’s my recycler,” Jennie said, giggling at Jisoo’s stunned face before closing the door.
When she turned back to you, however, her expression was a lot more uncertain. “I hope that was okay,” she said. “You don’t mind, do you?”
You smiled back at her. “No, of course not,” you rushed to reassure her.
“Oh, okay, good,” she replied with visible relief. “Um, I do have to…”
“Right, of course.” You’d watched her casually drink glass after glass of water with lunch, after all, so this wasn’t really a surprise for you. It had been a little disconcerting, sure, because you were pretty sure between the four of them they’d easily consumed a day’s worth of water for you during lunch, but then again, they were rich and famous idols, so that was to be expected.
“How do you want to do this?” you asked, though you didn’t have much hope that she had an actual answer for you, based on how lost she’d been earlier.
Predictably, she just stared at you with wide eyes. Your lips twitched. “Do you want to do this in the shower?” you offered. There were a number of positions you’d studied, but obviously you’d never tried any of them out. She nodded, and you made your way to the bathroom together.
You knelt in the shower and waited for Jennie to join you. She stepped in hesitantly, standing in front of you. “Hey,” you greeted, smiling up at her as you held a hand out for her to take. She placed her hand in it and let you pull her over. “You okay?” you asked, running your thumb across her knuckles.
“Yeah,” she said, smiling down at you. Letting go of her hand, you slipped your hands up her skirt again to pull her panties down and off. She stepped out of them, then stepped closer to you.
“You have to open your legs a little more,” you murmured, before ducking your head slightly so you could look up at her pussy. Getting the idea, she widened her stance, then frowned. It still felt awkward.
Seeing her discomfort, you shuffled back closer to the wall, then guided her into a different position. Her hands were braced against the wall above your head, and she’d raised one leg, her knee pressing against the wall for support. “Is this better?” you murmured.
She nodded, then closed her eyes, concentrating. In this position, your mouth wasn’t pressed against her, so the first spurt missed your mouth entirely, spraying your cheek and dripping down your neck. Ignoring it, you adjusted your position and came a little closer to catch the rest of it neatly. Her taste was quickly becoming familiar to you now, and as you gulped it down, your eyes wandered up to her face, catching the blissful, relieved expression she was wearing. Her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly open, her brow furrowed slightly as she leaned her face against her arm. It was so cute that you couldn’t look away for a moment.
When the stream finally waned and then stopped, the last bit dripped against her thigh instead of falling into your mouth. You went to clean it up for her, then hesitated, not sure if she would be comfortable with it. Jennie had caught your aborted motion and asked what you were doing.
You looked up at her with an embarrassed flush. “I was, uh, going to clean it up for you,” you admitted.
She giggled at you, resting her forehead against the wall to look down more comfortably. “Go for it,” she urged, and you drew your tongue up her inner thigh, following the trail. You paused when your tongue hit the crook between her thigh and her body, and she just smiled at you encouragingly, so you continued, lapping up the droplets that clung to her.
Jennie helped you get yourself cleaned up after, then tucked you in next to her for a nap. As you drifted off to sleep, you squirmed a little closer to her, seeking her warmth and comfort.
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The day that Jennie had come to pick you up from the Bureau, you quickly learned, had been a rare day off for all four of them. Most days, even if they didn’t have group activities and appearances, Jennie had her own solo appointments, like interviews, meetings with Teddy for her solo work, Chanel appearances and so on. Because you couldn’t be away from her for more than a few hours, you went with her for most of them, though you stayed behind the scenes.
Since you’d come to her with so little of your own, Jennie had been having a field day shopping for you. Whenever she was free, she’d be on her phone or laptop browsing the different shopping websites with you. At first you’d been reluctant to buy so many new things, only selecting cheap clearance items, but with her repeated encouragement, you’d gotten bolder with choosing clothes and accessories that you liked.
Today, you were dressed in a cute summery outfit, a loose V-necked blouse with ruffled half-sleeves tucked into high-waisted dressy shorts. Loafers completed your cute ensemble, and a Chanel pendant that Jennie had lent you sat between your collarbones.
Jennie was supposed to be focusing on the photoshoot, but her gaze kept drifting towards you, sitting behind the photographer and watching everything with rapt attention. After being in the spotlight for so many years, all of this was commonplace to Jennie, just another day’s work, but it was all new and exciting for you, and seeing your fascination with photoshoots and music recording was refreshing for her.
The photographer knew Jennie was distracted, but the expression she was wearing, soft and open, was far better than the neutral, slightly pouty one she usually showed the camera, so he didn’t complain or direct her attention back to the shoot. This was amazing stuff, and fans would go wild for these photos.
He’d wanted to include you in the photo shoot and tell the world about Jennie’s new recycler, but that had been strictly forbidden. Jennie wanted to be able to tell the public about her recycler on her own terms and when you were ready, and you definitely weren’t yet. It was becoming somewhat of an open secret in the industry since you followed her almost everywhere, but everyone knew that if they were the one to leak it to the public, they would be blacklisted by YG, so no one dared.
When the photoshoot ended, you went back to the dorm together, Jennie driving while you chattered on excitedly about what you’d seen at the shoot. It appeared that Jennie wasn’t the only one who thought you were adorable – the other staff members there had too and indulged your many questions. The makeup artist had even done your makeup, and you were still giggling about it when you left the shoot venue with Jennie.
Tonight, however, Jennie was a little distracted, because she was going to see Kai for the first time since she’d gotten you, and she was worried about leaving you at home. You’d started to get along well with the others, so she wasn’t concerned about that, but for the last two weeks or so that she’d had you, you’d barely left her side. Was it weird to get separation anxiety from her recycler?
When you got back to the apartment, Jisoo and Lisa were still out with their own appointments, but Chaeyoung was hanging out in the living room watching Netflix on the TV, so you skipped off to join her while Jennie went and got ready. She called you into her room before she left to use your services, and you slipped off the couch to enter her room.
By now, you’d figured out your favourite way to do this, and Jennie had bought a special chair for this purpose. You rested under the seat comfortably, your body on an incline with your head slightly back, while Jennie sat down. She’d decided that she liked it better when your mouth was pressed against her, telling you that it was because it made less of a mess but actually rather enjoying the warm, cozy feeling of your lips against her, so the chair was set up so that your face was almost peeking through the seat.
She was wearing a pretty dress, which was currently scrunched around her waist, her panties in your hand. From her position on your face, she was staring at your legs, which were stretched out across the floor. This was the position that was the most comfortable for both of you given the limitations of the chair, and even though she’d been self-conscious at first about the way you were basically looking directly up her ass in this position, you’d rightly pointed out how silly it was to get shy about that, all things considered.
You really were a godsend, she thought as she relaxed and started to urinate in your mouth. So sweet and kind to her and everyone else you were around, and really, having you around meant she didn’t have to spend as much time fighting with the other girls for access to the bathroom, which was great in itself, but this comfortable set-up felt like the epitome of luxury to her. She was starting to love the experience of pissing in your mouth, and she wondered if you were aware of just how much she liked it.
When she was done, you conscientiously licked her clean, as usual, another aspect of the whole experience that she deeply enjoyed, then she got up off your face. You smiled at her as you extricated yourself from under the chair, then held her panties out for her to step into.
“Have fun on your date tonight, unnie,” you chirped, seeing her to the front door where she put her shoes on. She gave you a hug and a forehead kiss before departing.
You returned to the couch, curling up next to Chaeyoung with your legs folded beneath you, and she unpaused the show you’d been watching. It was just the two of you tonight, since Jisoo and Lisa had plans too. You didn’t mind – after Jennie, Chaeyoung was probably your favourite. You rested your head on her shoulder as you watched the movie quietly.
When the credits started to roll, Chaeyoung switched off the TV and the two of you made your way into the kitchen to get dinner. As you were chopping up the kimchi for the kimchi fried rice, Chaeyoung, who was stir-frying the pork, struck up a conversation by asking you how your day had been.
Excited, you started chattering on about how much fun you’d had tagging along on Jennie’s photoshoot, continuing even after dinner was ready and you moved back to the living room to start eating.
Chaeyoung, who, like Jennie, was so used to photoshoots and the like that they’d completely lost their charm, thought it was absolutely adorable how excited you were about what to them were regular, daily events. When you finally wound down, she asked, “So what was it like for you growing up?”
You put down your spoon and finished chewing your food. “I didn’t come from the best family,” you explained. “I was emancipated when I was fifteen and joined the Bureau and lived there until I was old enough to come here.” Jennie knew most of the details surrounding your past, courtesy of sleepy late-night chats almost every night, but the others didn’t.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chaeyoung apologized, thinking she’d brought up unpleasant memories.
You shrugged. “It’s all right. My parents tried their best, but there was never quite enough water and money. It was a relief for us all when I left, I think. And I’m here now, so it worked out,” you concluded, smiling at her.
“I guess you’ve been enjoying your time with us then?”
“What gave me away?” you giggled. “Everyone’s been really nice, especially Jennie-unnie. I’ve never had so many clothes and things.”
Chaeyoung was surprised by how happy you seemed to be. Even though recyclers were fairly commonplace, she’d always expected that they would be kind of unhappy about their lot in life. “Really? So you don’t mind the whole drinking pee thing?”
You’d just put a spoonful of rice in your mouth when she said that, and in your surprise, some went down the wrong pipe, causing you to choke and cough. “Jesus,” you wheezed when you finally recovered.
“Sorry, sorry!” Chaeyoung cringed. “That was a really personal question, wasn’t it?”
“Kind of,” you shrugged, “but it’s okay. And to answer your question, I don’t really mind, I guess. Like, I learned at the Bureau that some people taste pretty gross, but Jennie-unnie tastes okay. And it makes her so happy.”
“Yeah, it really does.” Chaeyoung had to agree. In the past few weeks since you’d come to live with her, Jennie had smiled more, and doted on you like crazy. Plus, it was clear the arrangement suited her – the satisfied smile she wore whenever you emerged from her room together had become somewhat of an inside joke among the girls.
“Are you thinking of getting a recycler of your own?” you asked, resting your chin on your hand as you regarded her. Your expression was open and friendly, and Chaeyoung hesitated, looking away shyly.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for the commitment,” she confessed.
“I understand that,” you said, nodding. You really did – a recycler was a whole person that she would be responsible for, and you knew it was a big responsibility. “I think it’s really great that you’re aware of your limitations.” You reached over and patted her hand.
With a rush of bravery brought about by how nice you were being, she finally said, in a slightly embarrassed tone, “I’ve always wanted to try it, though.”
“Try what?”
“Uh, you know…” Having utilized her store of bravery, Chaeyoung hid her face in the crook of her elbow on the table.
“Oh,” you said, then, as the meaning of her words sank in, you repeated, “Oh.”
Even though her head was resting on the table, you could see her shoulders drawing up around her ears as she let out a miserable whine, regretting having said anything in the first place. Your lips twitched in amusement. This was honestly pretty funny, and even after being here for a couple of weeks, you couldn’t believe that little old you got to see the famous pop stars like this.
“It’s okay, forget I said anything, please,” Chaeyoung begged, finally lifting her face off the table to face you.
You pressed your lips together to stop yourself from laughing at her. “No, it’s okay, really,” you rushed to assure her when you were sure you could speak without gigging. “Have you talked to Jennie about it?”
Chaeyoung shrugged. “No, why would I?”
“She might be able to tell you more about it,” you said, then hesitated before making your offer. “Plus, if she doesn’t mind, I could… you know.”
That caught her attention. “Really?” she asked, perking up.
“Yeah, if Jennie-unnie is okay with it, I guess I don’t mind,” you said, shrugging. After all, you’d been around her long enough to know what her eating and drinking patterns were like, and she seemed to have a pretty healthy lifestyle, so you didn’t have any concerns.
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It was past midnight when Jennie came home, and you were already in bed, doing something on the laptop she’d gotten you last week. You looked up when you heard the door open and smiled at her when she came in.
“Did you have a good date?” you asked as Jennie set down her bag and sat at her dresser to remove her makeup.
She smiled at you in the mirror. “Yeah, I did,” she told you. It was true – Kai knew that she’d gotten a recycler since she’d been texting him with updates while he was on tour, and was interested to know how you were settling in, plus they’d had sex at his apartment after dinner, which was why she’d returned to the dorm so late.
As she went to the bathroom to shower, she thought about something weird that had happened, though. Kai had been almost too interested in you. At first she’d brushed it off, happy that he was taking an interest in you since you were now an important part of her life, but he’d kept asking intimate questions that she didn’t quite know how to answer.
Plus, she’d had to use the toilet at his apartment since she couldn’t hold it anymore, and after weeks of pissing exclusively in your mouth, it had felt strange and almost unpleasant. Would it be weird to take you along on date nights, she wondered. It was almost inevitable that you would meet at some point if her relationship with him continued, so it might be best to introduce you two anyway.
By the time she went back to the bedroom, clad in her pajamas, you’d put your laptop away and were snuggled up in bed, on the side closer to the wall. You smiled softly as she padded through the room to get under the covers next to you, turning onto your side to face her. Excitedly, you asked her for more details about your date, and she acquiesced, recounting every detail of it to her attentive one-person audience.
“Wow,” you sighed as you closed your eyes, “that’s so cool. I’ve never been on a date like that before.”
“Really? Never?” Shocked, Jennie turned onto her front and propped herself up with her elbows on the mattress so she could look down at you.
“Yeah, I went to live in the Bureau when I was fifteen, remember?” you said, opening your eyes.
“Right.” Jennie lay back down, starting to feel bad for you. If you were her recycler, chances were you’d never be able to experience many things that she took for granted.
“And you’re dating Kai from EXO too, wow,” you sighed. “I love EXO.”
“Well, maybe you’ll be able to meet them one of these days,” Jennie said lightly. Now that she knew you were excited about EXO, she felt a lot better about introducing you to her boyfriend.
“Maybe,” you said, before letting out a massive yawn.
“Okay, sweetie, good night,” she said, leaning over to kiss your forehead, before turning off the light using her phone.
--------------------------------
The next morning, you and Jennie slept in, and by the time you emerged from her room, the others were already hanging out in the living room. Jennie went to get breakfast for both of you in the kitchen while you sat on the couch with Lisa.
Chaeyoung, seeing Jennie, got up and followed her to the kitchen. After exchanging greetings and niceties, she got straight to the point, too excited and nervous to beat around the bush. Last night, she’d barely gotten any sleep from thinking so hard about your offer, and the more the thought floated around her mind, the more she found herself craving it.
“Unnie, can I ask you a question?”
Jennie, still slightly sleepy, grunted as she poured herself some coffee.
Understanding that that meant yes, Chaeyoung forged ahead. “Do you like having a recycler? Like, I mean, the actual recycling part,” she clarified.
Jennie turned to blink at her, the coffee pot still in her hand. “Are you asking me if I like having Y/n drink my pee?” she asked slowly. She wasn’t much of a morning person, and Chaeyoung could hear the gears in her head slowly grinding as she thought about the question.
“Uh, yeah,” Chaeyoung confirmed, a little abashed now as she rubbed the back of her neck.
“Yeah, it’s nice.” The thought of it put a little smile on Jennie’s face as she took her coffee and turned to lean against the counter, raising the mug to her lips.
“Great, that’s great. I was talking to Y/n-ie about it last night, and uh… I was wondering if I could try?”
“Try… what?” Jennie raised an eyebrow.
“You know…” Chaeyoung, now shy, looked down at the floor. “Recycling.”
“Oh…” After pausing to take a sip of her coffee, Jennie shrugged. “I mean, it’s her choice. If she says yes, I’m not going to stop her.”
Hearing that, Chaeyoung’s eyes lit up. “R-really?!”
Jennie blinked, not sure why she seemed so surprised. “Yeah, she’s still her own person. I can’t make these decisions for her. But only if she wants to, okay? You can’t pressure her into it.”
“No, of course not,” Chaeyoung assured her. “She was the one who offered, actually. Yay! Thank you, unnie!” she cheered. “I can’t wait to tell her about it.”
At the blatant display of enthusiasm, Jennie rolled her eyes and raised her coffee cup back to her lips to hide how cute she thought her dongsaeng’s excitement was. As much as she tried to play it cool, she could relate – she loved recycling too. It was probably a strange comparison to make, all things considered, but you’d spent more time down there with your lips pressed to her than Kai ever had, and she was starting to enjoy you cleaning her off way more than she should, given that it wasn’t necessarily an erotic act for you.
Still, she thought as she downed her coffee, that seemed like a problem for a different time, when they didn’t have to get to the studio to practice. Placing the mug into the sink to wash when they got home, she left the kitchen to eat breakfast and then get ready.
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Watching the girls practice for their new comeback was seriously the best thing that had ever happened to you, you thought as you sat in a corner of the dance studio with the dogs. You’d taken a liking to each other, and Kuma was lounging comfortably in your lap while Dalgom sat next to you, whining every time you stopped petting him.
Their comeback song was really catchy too – Teddy had really outdone himself this time, and you couldn’t wait for their comeback. It was so different, though, seeing all the behind-the-scenes prep for everything before the final product, and it gave you a way better understanding of how hard the girls actually worked.
Jennie’s skin tasted different, too, during and after dance practice, which was something you probably should have expected, but it didn’t occur to you until after she’d settled on your face, her thighs bracketing your face. Since you couldn’t bring her chair around with you, for obvious reasons, the two of you had had to figure out a more minimalist way of doing this while you were out of the house.
Since there were so many prominent people in YG, almost every room had some facilities to cater to recyclers, like a screen for privacy. It meant that Jennie didn’t have to spend as much time going to the bathroom down the hall, which did make them more efficient, because she had to pee all the time, but since the other girls didn’t have recyclers, it didn’t really help that much.
Still, it was nice taking breaks to feed you her piss. You always smiled at her, and had sweet words of encouragement, telling her she was doing a good job even if it didn’t feel like it. It was almost worrying how much she was coming to depend on you, not just for her physical needs, but for your companionship and emotional support as well.
Plus, having you lick her clean sent a little thrill down her spine every time, and that definitely helped to cheer her up. Although she shied away from thinking of it as an erotic act, it did feel a lot like unconditional acceptance, especially when she knew she was sweaty. You never even made a face, easily going with the flow (pun unintended).
It wasn’t uncommon for recyclers to form close bonds with their donators, Jennie knew. YG had many donators among its ranks – TOP from Big Bang had adopted one after he cleaned up his act enough that the Bureau considered him eligible, and his recycler, who’d been with him for three years now, was doing a remarkable job at keeping him on the straight and narrow. Being so directly responsible for someone else’s welfare had really made him more careful with his own body.
When the girls declared that it was time for a lunch break, you tagged along with them to the cafeteria. The food at the YG cafeteria was famously delicious, and you always enjoyed eating there. Plus, you got to see the trainees, idols and actors come and go, which was always fun, even if you sometimes had trouble not staring.
After lunch, the girls were going their separate ways – Jennie had to work on her solo album, Lisa was going to work on a dance collaboration, Jisoo was going to film for her new drama and Chaeyoung was off to an event. After waving goodbye to the other girls, you followed Jennie to the recording studio.
Seeing that you were alone there since you were a bit early, Jennie took the opportunity to ask you about her conversation with Chaeyoung earlier. Sitting you down on the couch, she rolled a desk chair over so she could sit facing you.
“Chaeng asked if she could try, uh…” Really, she thought, it was ridiculous how much difficulty she had talking about when it had become such a significant part of her life.
Fortunately, you remembered your conversation with Chaeyoung last night, and understood what she was trying to say immediately. “Uh-huh?” you nodded, looking at her attentively.
“She said you were okay with it, but I just wanted to check if you’re really okay. I mean, you don’t have to feel like you have to just because she’s my friend and all, and if you don’t want to I can tell her no—” Jennie was starting to ramble, so caught up in assuring you that you didn’t have to feel forced into anything because of your position in the household.
“No, I was okay with it,” you cut her off with wide eyes. “I was the one who offered. Is that what you were talking about this morning?” Come to think of it, Chaeyoung had left the kitchen in such a good mood this morning that you should have realized that something was up. You’d been playing with Lisa’s cats, though, so you hadn’t given it much thought.
“Yeah, she asked me about it in the kitchen,” Jennie confirmed. “I just wanted to check if you were okay with it.”
“Yeah, I don’t mind,” you said with a smile. “Oh, unless you mind,” the thought came to you suddenly. “I’ll tell her no if you don’t like it!” you rushed to assure her. You hadn’t even considered that she might have a problem with it when you opened your big mouth (again, pun unintended).
“No, no! I don’t mind. You can do whatever you’d like, of course. I won’t stop you.”
“Oh… okay. Great!” you said slightly awkwardly, not sure what else to say in this situation. Thankfully, Teddy entered the room and saved you from having to say any more.
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Based on the way Chaeyoung was staring at you over dinner, you were pretty sure Jennie had already green-lighted things with her. The anticipation in her gaze was almost disconcerting in its intensity, but truth be told you were kind of flattered that she was so excited about it. Jennie had a boyfriend, so you knew that this act was nothing sexual for her, but you’d learned during your time preparing to be a recycler that for many donators, having someone consume their urine directly from the source was often an intensely sexual experience.
From Chaeyoung’s almost predatory gaze, you were fairly sure she was one of those people. Still, she hadn’t said anything to you about it, so you figured she would probably just do it and then dismiss you to take care of herself.
After dinner, you all brought your dishes back to the bucket your delivery had arrived in and left it outside the door for the delivery person to retrieve. Usually all of you went back to your rooms after dinner, but tonight, as you were about to follow Jennie back into the room you now shared, Chaeyoung grabbed your hand.
You turned, your eyes following the hand clasped around yours to the determined gaze of the girl who owned it. Biting your lip, you nodded and followed her into her room instead. As you disappeared into Chaeyoung’s room, you didn’t notice Jennie watching you.
Even though you’d been living here for a few weeks now and had seen Chaeyoung’s room from the outside, you’d never set foot in it, since there hadn’t been a reason for you to up till today. As she shut the door behind you, you stood awkwardly, wringing your hands and shifting your weight from one foot to the other.
Chaeyoung, on the other hand, was way too excited to feel nervous, and giggled as she pulled your hands apart by grabbing one of your wrists. “Come on,” she beckoned, drawing you closer to her.
“How do you want me to do this?” you asked. Her excitement was contagious, and you couldn’t help but smile back at her. You were quickly learning that there was a part of you that loved to please others.
“How do you usually do it with unnie?” She responded with another question, and you blinked at her in surprise. Somehow, you’d been expecting her to already know what she wanted – after all, she was the one who’d been so enthusiastic about this.
“Uh, you remember that new chair that was delivered?” When she nodded, you continued, “She usually sits in it and, uh, it’s a special chair so I can rest under it…”
“Right,” Chaeyoung looked around her room thoughtfully, then frowned. “I don’t think I have anything that would serve the same function.”
“Oh, you don’t have to have anything like that,” you rushed to reassure her. “I mean, it’s not like there’s a chair in the studio or anything.”
“That’s true.” She perked up at that. “So how do you usually do it?”
“Well…” you knelt down and looked up at her. “Usually she stands over me, or if we’re at the studio she sits on the couch and I kneel in front of her.” Jennie had taken to the first position you’d shown her, even after you’d tried out all the different ones the Bureau had suggested to find the ones you liked best.
“Hmm,” Chaeyoung hummed. “This doesn’t seem that comfortable, though.”
Eventually, you managed to figure something out – you sat with your back against her bed, your head resting on the mattress, while she knelt on it, hovering over your face. As she looked down at you, sandwiched between her knees, she smirked, an expression that had you clenching involuntarily. This was new, you noted with some surprise.
“You ready?” she cooed, so like the sweet, thoughtful woman you’d gotten to know and like over the past two weeks, but also different somehow, confident and enticing. Entranced by this new side of her, you nodded, opening your mouth under her pussy.
“Good girl,” she praised, smiling down at you. She was holding her shirt up slightly so she could see your face more clearly, and she let out a sigh of relief as she relaxed her pelvic muscles, starting to pee. It missed your mouth at first, landing on your forehead, and she let out a giggled “Oops!” as she readjusted herself so that she was peeing into your mouth.
You’d offered to do what you did with Jennie to minimize mess, pressing your mouth to her, but she’d declined, and now you realized why. She enjoyed the visual of the urine descending the short distance from her pussy to your mouth, relished in the power to soak your whole face if she wanted. Your eyes were focused on her core, which was still gushing, but you could hear her sighs and whispered praises.
When the stream dwindled and eventually stopped, Chaeyoung sighed like she was disappointed – and she was. She’d been holding it for hours, since lunchtime, in anticipation for tonight, and it had been over so fast. This experience had been everything she’d dreamed it would be, and she was only sad that it had ended. She had no expectation that this would be anything other than a one-time thing, since the way she’d asked you, it had seemed like a research experience.
However, you weren’t done yet. There was still the cleanup process, so you lifted your hands to her bare hips and pulled her down gently onto your face. This time, she looked down at you with some surprise, and you returned her earlier smirk right before you dragged your tongue up her slit.
“Mmm, God,” she gasped, shuddering as you continued licking her clean. “What the hell are you doing?”
Now done, you licked your lips and grinned at her. “Cleanup,” you replied in a matter-of-factly tone. “I do it all the time for Jennie-unnie too.”
“No wonder she looks so pleased all the time now,” Chaeyoung grumbled jealously, and you giggled. It hadn’t escaped your notice while cleaning her that she was wet too, her slick possessing a markedly different flavor from her piss. You weren’t that naïve, and if she was amenable, you were more than happy to help her with that too.
After all, you had Rosé of Blackpink sitting on your face right now. Who were you to throw away such an opportunity?
“I want to please you too, unnie,” you cooed, batting your lashes at her. You were somewhat surprised at where all this bravado was coming from, but she seemed to enjoy it, so you were rolling with it too.
“Ugh, you’re so sweet, who taught you to say such sweet things?” she asked.
“I’m just being honest,” you responded coquettishly before sliding your tongue through her folds again.
Chaeyoung moaned, throwing her head back luxuriantly as she widened her stance to lower herself further down on your face. “Such a good girl,” she praised, starting to rock her hips back and forth, sliding herself over your tongue.
You’d never done this before, so your movements were a little clumsy, but your sheer enthusiasm more than made up for it, as you licked and sucked at her, letting her grind down on your face as she pleased.
“Stick your tongue out for me, sweetie,” she prompted, smiling down at you when you did. She fucked herself on your tongue, sliding along it until it bumped her clit, then sinking down on it. Your tongue was inside her now, and her clit bumped against your nose. All you could smell and taste was her, and when she looked down at you, she could only see your eyes since her pussy was firmly planted on the rest of your face.
“You look so pretty like that,” she said before continuing to fuck herself on your face, her movements growing faster and choppier as she chased her orgasm. Breathy moans and gasps spilled from her lips, increasing in volume and frequency as she grew closer. “Mmf, fuck, you’re so good at this,” she cried out a second before she ground herself down harder on your face, uncaring of your need to breathe as she came.
Her sloppy movements smeared her slick all over your face and in your mouth, and when she finally lifted herself off you, you took a deep breath before grinning cheekily up at her and making a show of licking your lips. “Did you enjoy that, unnie?” you asked, and she huffed out a breathless laugh as she shuffled out of that position straddling your face and lay back against her pillows.
“You know I did,” she teased. “Now come here, I want to return the favour,” she demanded.
Immediately, your head came up off the bed and you turned yourself around so you were kneeling on the ground, facing her. “Oh, uh, no, you don’t have to, I—”
She rolled her eyes. “Come here,” she ordered, holding her hand out to you, and you had no choice but to let her pull you close. She tugged so hard you ended up falling into the pillows next to her and knocking the wind out of your lungs. You squirmed around a little so that your head was resting on her shoulder as you looked up at her.
“If you don’t want me to, that’s fine, but I really want to,” she said in a low voice. “I want to see how wet you are from eating me out so good, Y/n-ie, and make you cum all over my fingers.”
Her words had you squirming, and you breathlessly agreed. She guided you into a kneeling position so that you were straddling her hips, then dipped her hand into your shorts, her fingers ghosting over your clit. At the same time, her other hand wrapped around the back of your neck, pulling you down to her.
“Do you like that?” she whispered against your lips as you shuddered. No one else had ever touched you before, and all of this was new to you. You nodded silently, biting your lip to hold back a whimper.
“Good girl, such a good girl for me,” she praised as her fingers slipped into your panties. “And so wet,” she exclaimed with delight. Dipping her fingers into your folds to collect some slick, she then started circling around your clit with slippery fingers. In response, your head fell onto her shoulder as you held on to her tightly.
“Fuck, you’re so pretty like this,” she continued with her filthy litany as she started fucking you with her fingers, letting you grind your clit on the heel of her hand. You let out a moan as you rocked your hips, feeling everything get wetter as you grew more aroused.
“Unnie, please—” you whispered, not knowing exactly what you were asking for. She knew, though, and sped up the movements of her hand.
“Are you going to cum for me? That’s right, sweet thing, cum all over my hand like a good girl,” she purred. Helplessly, you pushed your clit further into her hand and ground it in, shuddering as you came like she asked you to. She continued to work you through your orgasm, only withdrawing when you grew too sensitive.
Seeing how shiny her fingers were from the thick coating of slick on them, you flushed, but she just winked at you as she popped them into her mouth. “Delicious,” she commented, smacking her lips.
You giggled, her nonchalant attitude making it less awkward than you’d imagined it would be after everything that had just transpired. “Likewise,” you murmured, ducking back in for another kiss.
After staying there for about ten more minutes, trading kisses and flirtatious remarks, you figured it was time to go back to Jennie’s room and you said as much, slipping out of Chaeyoung’s embrace and off the bed.
“All right,” she acquiesced when you told her, yawning as she lay back in her pillows. “It was a good time, though. Do you wanna do it again sometime?”
Your hand on the doorknob, you turned to wink at her. “Definitely,” you said before leaving the room.
Jennie was sitting on her bed, flipping through a magazine, when you entered, and she looked up to smile at you. “Did everything go okay?” she asked, her expression completely neutral. She knew, of course, what had just happened between the two of you. You’d been gone way too long to have just drank her piss, and the walls weren’t soundproof. She didn’t mind, but just wanted to make sure that you hadn’t been coerced into anything.
“Yeah,” you replied with a bright smile, putting her at ease.
“Good.” She stood up and started walking over to the chair. You were familiar enough with each other now that she didn’t need to say anything; you got it immediately, rushing over and kneeling on the ground to help her with her clothes, then maneuvering yourself under the chair. In light of your new experience with Chaeyoung, however, this act took a different light now.
You weren’t stupid or blind; you’d known all along that Jennie was gorgeous, and you’d been a fan of Blackpink for years before you came to live with them. You just hadn’t thought about this act in a sexual light because you knew that it wasn’t really sexual for Jennie, and you didn’t want to be that creepy weirdo. Plus, learning about the technicalities of it all in the Bureau for years kind of sucked all the joy out of it.
Jennie sat down on your face, wriggling slightly to get into the position that was the most comfortable for her. From her vantage point, the only part of your face she could see was your chin, and she wondered if this was how Chaeyoung had done it too. Not that it was any of her business, of course.
Your mouth stretched open under her, and she relaxed with a sigh, listening to the hissing sound of the pee leaving her body and the quiet noises of you swallowing. You usually held on to the edges of the seat, and today she stroked her fingers across yours. Taking the cue, you released the seat, letting her guide your hands to cling to her thighs instead.
When she was done, you licked her clean as usual, but this time you couldn’t stop thinking about how it had felt to eat Chaeyoung out until she came, and you found yourself getting a little cheeky, sliding your tongue along Jennie’s slit a little slower and deeper than usual, flicking her clit just once before you closed your mouth.
Jennie, however, didn’t seem to react, standing up looking completely composed and turning to smile down at you. You helped her fix her clothes then went to take a shower, washing Chaeyoung off your face.
Once you were gone, Jennie let out the breath she’d been holding in a long exhale, lying on the bed looking up at the ceiling. She was pretty sure that had been accidental, but boy had it felt good.
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It was only a couple of nights later that Jennie took you to meet Kai. She figured there was no time like the present – plus, given her reaction to what was no doubt an accident on your part, Kai needed to take his conjugal duties more seriously.
Tonight, the three of you were in the private apartment he’d bought. He still lived with the rest of his members in their dorm, but most of them had investment properties. It was handy when they needed their own space, like tonight.
In all honesty though, you weren’t sure how you felt about Kai. Sure, he was handsome and famous and you’d been a little starstruck at first, but the way he was talking to you and looking at you was making you feel a little uncomfortable. It was difficult to put your finger on it, but when he looked at you, you wanted to curl up into a ball and hide. He was just asking way too many personal, intimate questions about your experience as Jennie’s recycler.
Now that dinner was over, you were all sitting in the living room, and you were seated next to Jennie on the couch, half-curled into her, automatically seeking her protection. She too had noticed that Kai was looking at you kind of strangely all through dinner, but didn’t know what was up with him.
“So, Y/n-ie…” he said, leaning forward. You turned from Jennie to face him. “Have you enjoyed being with my Jennie?”
You looked back towards Jennie uncertainly, slightly confused about what he was asking. “Uh, yeah,” you replied when you turned back to look at him. “Jennie-unnie’s been really nice, and the other Blackpink unnies have been nice too.”
“I’m sure they’ve been,” he brushed off your answer patronizingly, “but what I mean is, have you enjoyed being with her?”
Your eyes widened and you looked at Jennie again, this time begging her to intervene. Sensing your distress, she squeezed your leg. “Oppa, Y/n-ie doesn’t understand your question, and neither do I,” she said slightly sharply.
Instead of taking the warning, Kai laughed it off. “I’m just curious, you know?” he said with a shrug. “You can’t blame me. I bet she’s closer to you than I am.”
At your clear discomfort, Jennie changed the topic and Kai didn’t turn the conversation back around to you again, not wanting to jeopardize his chances of getting lucky tonight. Eventually, he invited Jennie to the bedroom with a flimsy excuse – “please come help me with something in the bedroom” – and you remained on the couch, reading the book you’d brought with you and listening to music with the noise-cancelling headphones Jennie had specifically gotten for you while they were occupied.
After they were done, Jennie came out of the room since she had to pee. (What? It’s good to pee after sex, okay?) Since Kai was still in the bedroom, she figured it would be comfortable enough to do it on the couch, and you easily acquiesced, getting into the position you both preferred.
This time, however, when you pressed your mouth to her, Kai’s cum dripped out, thick, salty and altogether unpleasant. You tried to school your features, but even though you hadn’t been together for that long you’d made up for that with the sheer amount of time you spent together each day, and Jennie caught the grimace in the instant before you hid it.
Still, she figured, she could talk to you about it later but right now she really had to pee, so she just started going in your mouth. You were pretty much an expert at this time, so you sucked it down without any problem, but because you really didn’t want Kai’s cum to be the taste lingering on your tongue later, you licked her clean perfunctorily, avoiding her slit as much as possible.
When you were done, you pulled away quickly, hiding your distaste – or so you thought – by smiling sweetly up at Jennie, the way you usually did. “All clean,” you chirped at her.
Attempting to hide her unease, she smiled back at you before heading back to the bedroom.
Kai was still lounging in bed, his arms folded behind his head as he smiled lazily at her. He was supremely confident of his own body – and, of course, why wouldn’t he be? He looked like an Adonis. “Come back to bed, sweetie.”
Jennie, of course, was more than happy to acquiesce. She lay back down next to him and let him cuddle her close, resting her head on his shoulder. “Jennie-yah… I want to ask you something.”
“Hmm?” she said, only half-paying attention. Her eyes were sliding shut.
“Is it nice to pee in someone else’s mouth?”
Opening her eyes, she adjusted her position to look him more fully in the eye. “Everyone keeps asking me that,” she muttered. “Is everyone really so curious about it?”
He shrugged, jostling her slightly. “It is a pretty big lifestyle change,” he pointed out.
“It’s all right, I guess.” For some reason, she didn’t feel entirely comfortable talking to him about it.
Bending to kiss her temple, he said, “I’m lucky to have you.”
Jennie smiled, bemused. “Not that I’m disagreeing, but why?” she asked lightly.
“Well, you’ll let me use her too, won’t you?”
She frowned, sitting up. “I’ll let you?”
“Yeah, I mean, you let Chaeyoung-ssi use her.” He still looked nonchalant about it, like he fully expected her to agree with him.
“Oppa, Y/n-ie was the one who agreed to that. I can ask her, if you really want to.”
To Jennie’s shock, he started looking really pouty and put out, like she’d done something to offend him. “Okay… yeah, will you please ask her for me?” he finally asked.
“All right,” she accepted, hoping that he would drop the topic. The atmosphere remained somewhat tense though, like he was still upset about it, and when she left with you, he was still sulking.
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Jennie had worried that your experience with Kai might affect your relationship with her, especially after you’d seemed to reluctant to drink from her after she’d slept with him the other night. Thankfully, by the next morning you seemed to be back to normal, enthusiastic and conscientious when she had her morning piss.
She was so relieved (ha) that you weren’t mad at her, and so reluctant to say anything that might exacerbate the situation, that it wasn’t until almost a week later that Jennie tried to broach the topic of Kai’s request. She didn’t really want to, because it seemed like you weren’t the biggest fan of him, but she’d promised. She made sure to wait till it seemed like you were in a good mood, when the memory of Kai’s weirdness wasn’t quite so fresh in your mind.
You were already in bed when she brought it up, and she was sitting at the dresser applying her skincare. “Y/n-ah…” she started.
“Hmm?” You were starting to fall asleep, half-listening and half-floating in space.
“What do you think of Kai?”
Your eyes snapped open, suddenly awake. “He’s all right, I guess,” you said politely, not wanting to upset her.
“Okay,” she accepted, and you sat in silence for a moment longer. “Would you… be willing to lend him your mouth?” she finally asked.
Your immediate instinct was to reject the request – vehemently at that, while making a disgusted face, but the tentative expression on her face gave you pause. “Do you want me to?” you asked instead. You thought she might want you to do this as a favour for her even if you didn’t want to since Kai was her boyfriend, after all, and her approach to this might be different from how she’d treated Chaeyoung’s request.
“Well, he wanted me to ask, but I won’t force you,” she said carefully.
“But will it damage your relationship if I don’t?” You picked up easily on the silent tension. As much as you felt uncomfortable around Kai, he was Jennie’s boyfriend, and you didn’t want to sabotage it. If you had to, you supposed you could do it. Just once, as a favour.
Jennie, of course, understood immediately what you were trying to say. “That’s not your responsibility,” she said firmly. “If you don’t want to do it, it’s fine. I’m not going to force you or guilt you. Anything that happens to my relationship with Jongin-oppa is ours to deal with.”
After mulling over it for a moment, you gave her your answer. “Then I don’t want to,” you said, shrugging. “Sorry, unnie, but I don’t feel great about Jongin-ssi.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you,” she muttered. “He was kind of weird the other night. I’ll talk to him about it, and try to find out why.” He wasn’t usually like this around people, years of idol training and living with others giving him great people skills most of the time. A conversation seemed necessary if she was going to keep the both of you in her life.
With her skincare routine done by the end of the conversation, she got into bed next to you and turned out the lights.
“Good night, unnie,” you mumbled, squirming closer to her for cuddles, which she gladly gave you.
-----------------------------------
Since you had expressed discomfort about being around Kai, and she knew you being around would only make him more insistent on ‘trying you out’, as he put it, she decided to go on dates with him without bringing you. This decision had a few implications – first, you ended up spending a lot more time separately, which meant you were hanging out with the other girls a lot more; second, Jennie’s dates with Kai grew shorter than they had been before since now that she was used to peeing in your mouth, she never wanted to go anywhere else.
It was this combination of factors that led to a slight strain in your relationship with her. She didn’t want to say she was jealous, because she wasn’t. She was pleased that you were becoming close with the other girls, especially Chaeyoung. It just stung sometimes. Even when she was home, there were times when you would be hanging out with the others instead of her, and you were less clingy too. Some people might think that was a good thing, but in all honesty, she’d liked clingy.
As your relationship with the other girls – and your friends-with-benefits thing with Chaeyoung – flourished, it seemed like Jennie’s with Kai was headed in the opposite direction. Having to rush home after sex because she didn’t want to use his toilet was becoming somewhat of a sore point, especially since she refused to bring you to their dates. He’d also thrown a fit when she told him you didn’t want to drink him, and it had led to one of their only fights throughout the entire duration of their relationship.
“Hey, did you ask Y/n yet?” he’d prompted almost the second she got into his car.
Jennie looked at him askance. The most perfunctory greeting kiss ever, and now this? What was with this obsession? “Yeah, she didn’t seem into it,” she said vaguely, hoping that he would take the hint and drop it.
“What?!” he exclaimed instead, sounding furious. Jennie sighed. Okay, it seemed they weren’t going to go the chill, reasonable route.
Turning to look at him, she said, “She doesn’t have to, you know.” Truth be told, she was kind of put off by his attitude. Ever since he’d met you, he’d been acting like this was owed to him. Just because she had a recycler didn’t mean she was obliged to share it with anyone.
“Yeah, but you let Chaeyoung-ssi use it,” he pointed out. “I’m your boyfriend; shouldn’t I get the same rights?”
She raised a brow. “Rights?” she asked. “Chaeyoung doesn’t have a right to use Y/n’s mouth as she pleases, you know. Y/n is very much a willing participant,” she said, slightly bitterly. Okay, maybe she was slightly put out by your blossoming relationship with her dongsaeng.
“You know what I mean,” he grumbled. “You could just make her do it.”
“Make her? I don’t make my recycler do anything she wants to do. She’s not my slave,” Jennie pointed out.
“That’s not what I meant! You’re always twisting my words!”
Needless to say, that night had not gone well. Kai was still slightly sulky about it, sometimes making snide remarks about you. Truth be told, this side of him was not one she’d seen before, and she didn’t like it. Even though recycler rights were sometimes controversial, among their circles most people agreed that recyclers deserved the same rights of freedom of choice as the general population. Kai’s revelation that he was apparently not one of them was turning out to be a problem, because she now felt responsible for protecting you from him.
She hoped that tonight’s date would go better, since they’d declared a moratorium on talking about you. All day, though, she’d had to endure the giggles and sidelong glances you’d shared with Chaeyoung, and she was pretty sure you were going to be up to no good while she was gone.
She was right. You saw her off graciously as always, giving her a hug at the front door and telling her you hoped she had a good time with Kai tonight, and that you would be waiting for her. The moment she left, though, you ran through the apartment straight into Chaeyoung’s room.
“Unnie!” you cried excitedly, throwing yourself on the bed so enthusiastically that you bounced.
Chaeyoung smiled at you. You weren’t dating, but you weren’t quite friends either, and she’d definitely grown very fond of you (and your mouth) over the couple of months that you’d been living in the dorm with her. Whenever Jennie was out without you, you’d come hang out with her, and by this point you had a pretty nice routine: you’d get delivery, then maybe watch a movie with the others before retiring back to her bedroom.
Tonight wasn’t any different, and you found yourself in the living room, eating fried chicken with the others while watching a movie. Chaeyoung was drinking a lot more water than usual, looking meaningfully over at you every time she reached for her glass. You knew this was in preparation for later, so you winked back at her every time.
All this flirting wasn’t lost on Lisa and Jisoo, and by the time the movie ended, the two of them grumbled good-naturedly about how they didn’t need to see all of this as they went back to their bedrooms. You and Chaeyoung giggled together as you bade them good night, knowing that they didn’t really mind it and were just teasing.
Once you were alone, Chaeyoung immediately took your hand and pulled you closer to her, going in for a kiss as your bodies collided. You slid your hands along her hips, groping her ass shamelessly.
“Mmm, we should probably take this back to my room before we get in trouble again for leaving fluids all over the living room,” she breathed against your lips. You couldn’t agree more and let her drag you into her room by your hand.
“Strip,” she ordered once the door was shut, already following her own instructions. You laughed at her enthusiasm even though you knew you would pay for it later, pulling your shirt over your head and shucking your shorts and underwear in one fell swoop. She did the same, and almost lunged for you.
“A little eager, aren’t we?” you teased even as you lay back on the bed.
“Shut up,” she growled. “I have to pee so bad, you don’t even know.”
“You were the one drinking all that water earlier,” you pointed out as she straddled your face. She was facing your body, so your face was basically in her butt. Not that you minded. It was a very pretty butt indeed. You wanted to squeeze it some more, but she was kneeling so that her legs were resting on your shoulders, restricting your movement.
“Don’t act like you don’t love drinking my piss,” she said, sounding strained as she looked down at you between her legs.
You winked at her from the gap between her thighs. “How could I even pretend? You’re so thoughtful, making all that delicious piss for me…” you breathed, a moment before she started peeing.
The first bit of it missed and glanced off your cheek, but you knew now that it was intentional. She loved watching the way her stream found its way into your mouth after first landing on your face somewhere, and you didn’t really mind either. The stream of dirty talk that she kept up the whole time was getting to you, and even as you gulped down her piss, your hips were rocking into the mattress slightly, seeking out that little bit of stimulation.
Chaeyoung noticed and leaned forward to pull your legs apart, which caused her pee to splash against your forehead instead. You made a noise of protest and she readjusted with a giggle, sinking a little lower so that her pussy was closer to your face.
“Mmm, it feels so good to pee for you, sweetie,” Chaeyoung groaned as the last of her urine dripped out.
“I’m glad you enjoy it, unnie,” you giggled. She widened her stance further to lower her pussy to you, and you eagerly started lapping at it. Meanwhile, she was holding your legs open and licked a broad stripe down your slit, from your clit to your tight, clenching hole.
“Mmf—” you let out a muffled groan into her slick flesh. She’d never done this before, and you were a huge fan. No wonder she got so crazy when you’d licked her for the first time.
You were busily eating each other to orgasm when the door swung open without any warning. At first, neither of you paid any heed, until you heard the disgusted exclamation coming from the entrance.
“My God!” Jennie cried out as she opened Chaeyoung’s bedroom door, only to come face to face with a more direct view of her member’s asshole than she’d ever wanted to see. Taking a step back, she turned away. “Y/n-ah, can you come here for a second?” she asked, directing her question at the hallway.
Now aggravated beyond all bearing, you groaned. “Unnie, can this please wait?” Not only were you busy, you really didn’t want to stop what you were doing right now to eat Kai’s creampie.
“No, it can’t,” she snapped, irritated. She’d been holding it since she left, and she needed to pee now. And how dare you talk back to her like that, anyway? Had you forgotten why you were even here to begin with?
“Fine,” you capitulated, sensing that this wasn’t the hill to die on. “Give me a minute, I’ll meet you in your room.”
With that, Jennie stalked off, and you sighed, tapping Chaeyoung’s hip to make her get off. “Sorry, unnie,” you apologized as you got up and started putting your clothes back on.
“It’s all right,” she excused graciously. “She seemed like she was in a mood, though. We might need to take a rain check.”
You pouted back at her as you started walking backwards towards the open door. “I don’t wanna,” you whined. “I’ll be right back?”
“Okay,” she chuckled, and you were on your way.
You arrived in the room you shared with Jennie to see her already pacing impatiently in front of the chair. “Hey, unnie,” you greeted as you sank to your knees to help her strip. You were obviously distracted and in a rush to get back to Chaeyoung, and moved quickly to get under the chair.
As Jennie sat down slowly, she caught a glimpse of your grimace, and anger flared through her, but first she needed to take care of her needs. Perhaps pettily, she sat without care and started peeing even before she was sure that you were in position, causing you to have to squirm under her to prevent a huge mess.
When she was done, you licked her clean as quickly as you could, and she felt a stab of irritation – she refused to acknowledge it as jealousy – that you could eat Chaeyoung out so enthusiastically but were now so reluctant to even clean her up. She stood up and scowled down at you as you got out from under the chair.
“What’s wrong with you today?” she asked snippily. Perhaps not the best way to start this conversation, but she was too angry to care.
You looked up at her in surprise. “Nothing, why?” you asked. If anything, you thought, you should be the one who was annoyed. You didn’t know what it was, but she’d been so eager that she’d started even before you were in the right position, and there was urine all over your face and neck, some even dripping into your hair.
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you giving me an attitude,” she accused. “Every time I come back from Kai’s you act like this. I’m sorry if you dislike my boyfriend—” her tone of voice was most decidedly not sorry “—but you’re being so unreasonable! What are you, jealous?”
Your temper flared for the first time since you’d been living here. “Jealous?!” you scoffed. “Of your relationship with that ignorant manchild? I don’t think so. Sorry,” you sneered, turning it back onto her, “that I don’t like to eat Kai’s cum out of your pussy every time you fuck him. I’m your recycler, but I don’t need to be treated like that.”
With that, you stormed off to wash her piss off your face and body from where it had trickled before you’d managed to get your mouth firmly over her. Jennie, on the other hand, lay on the bed, feeling incredibly guilty for blowing up at you just now. She hoped you’d come back soon so that she could have a proper conversation with you about just now.
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You ended up spending the whole night with Chaeyoung. Even though you weren’t exactly in the mood to continue your exploits with her after your fight with Jennie, she was happy to welcome you into her room and gave you lots of cuddles, letting you rant patiently until you wore yourself out and fell asleep.
In the morning, you were still reluctant to leave the room and face Jennie, preferring to continue sulking in Chaeyoung’s bed. Unfortunately, nature called, and she dragged you out of the room for breakfast. You were surprised to see that Jennie was already in the living room, and when she saw you walking out, she immediately stood up and called your name. “Y/n, can we talk?”
Not in the mood to be reamed out again first thing in the morning, you responded coolly. “I’m hungry, can this wait until after breakfast?”
Chaeyoung, standing behind you, nudged you. She could see in Jennie’s expression and body language how much the fight with her recycler had bothered her and felt kind of bad for her even though she did think that Jennie had been out of line in what she’d said to you last night.
“Fine,” you grumbled.
“Thank you,” Jennie said quietly before turning and walking into her room. You followed, closing the door behind you but standing right in front of it.
“Y/n-ie, please,” Jennie pouted at you, patting the bed next to her. Obviously, you couldn’t resist that look, so with a put-upon sigh, you crossed the room to sit next to her.
“I’m sorry about last night,” she said. The unexpected apology threw you for a loop, and you blinked at her, speechless. “I shouldn’t have said those things and accused you. That was rude of me.”
“Uhh…” you managed to get out, sounding, of course, like the most articulate genius who had ever roamed this earth.
“And I’m sorry for getting in the way of your, um… relations with Chaeng. I should have been more respectful, and I support your relationship.”
“We’re not in a relationship,” you murmured. It was the only thing your mind could focus on at the moment.
“You’re not?” Jennie blinked.
“No, we’re just, um… friends with benefits, I guess,” you clarified.
“Oh.” Then, after a beat of silence, “Well, it’s none of my business anyway. I just want you to know that I think you deserve your privacy, and I was really rude last night.”
Feeling bad now, you reached over to take her hand. “Unnie, don’t say that. Of course it’s your business. You’re still my donator and I want us to be close too. I promise to be more open about it with you, okay?”
She made a face. “Not that open, I hope. I’m still traumatized from seeing Chaeng naked.”
You giggled. “You’ve lived together for years! You don’t mean to tell me you’ve never seen her naked before?”
“I never had to stare straight up her asshole before,” Jennie countered, causing the both of you to erupt in fits of laughter.
“Duly noted,” you conceded past giggles. “You seemed like you were in a bad mood last night too, unnie. Is everything going okay with you and Kai?” you asked with some concern.
She made a face. “It’s okay. He’s just having trouble adjusting to me having a recycler,” she explained. Last night they’d gotten into yet another argument over you – specifically, over her refusal to simply command you to get on your knees and drink his piss just because he wanted it. She didn’t quite understand why it was so hard for him to accept that you were a person, and she wasn’t about to force you to do anything you didn’t want to do.
Almost against her will, she started comparing Kai to you, even though she knew that was an unwise idea that was sure to have no good consequences. You, who was always there for her with your big eyes and big smile and a hug every time she felt bad, who knew the best and worst parts of her and didn’t shy away. It was unreasonable for her to expect the same of Kai, who was busy all the time with his own career and who obviously wasn’t as comfortable with her body as you were.
“I’m sorry I’m causing problems in your relationship, unnie,” you said, your eyes filled with remorse.
“No, it’s not your fault,” she rushed to assure you, pulling you into a hug. “He’s just being a dick right now.”
“I’m sorry for being mean last night too, unnie,” you apologized, looking at her with those wide, sad eyes that she couldn’t resist.
“It’s okay, baby, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize how unpleasant that whole experience was for you,” she said, making a little face. It hadn’t even occurred to her, but now that she thought about it, she realized how it would have been pretty gross for you, especially if you didn’t particularly like Kai. “I’ll talk to him about it to figure something out, okay?”
Your face was buried in her neck, but she felt your nod anyway.
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Perhaps she should have expected that the demise of her relationship would come soon after she started comparing you with Kai in her head. After all, there was no way he could have won that competition, even if he’d been the nicest man alive – which he definitely wasn’t.
Still, she hadn’t expected her relationship to end quite so soon and so abruptly. Sitting in the driver’s seat of her car in the basement carpark of Kai’s private apartment, she was crying too hard to be able to drive safely.
The night had started relatively well – Kai was on his best behavior after their fight the other night, and they’d had a nice dinner together. After that, however, when they retired to the bedroom, was when things started going downhill. Out of consideration to you, Jennie had brought a box of condoms that she tried to convince Kai to use, and he didn’t take it well, to say the least.
“What is this? Are you accusing me of something? We haven’t used condoms in months!” he said irritably, knocking the box out of her hands.
“Oppa, please, it’s not like that!” she pleaded.
“Then what is it? Are you off birth control?” he demanded.
“No… the IUD is still in,” she said meekly. YG had made them all get them before debut so that they wouldn’t accidentally get pregnant, even if they were having secret relationships.
“Then tell me why!”
“Why does there have to be a reason?! Isn’t it enough that I want you to use them? It’s my body too!” she yelled, getting defensive.
“I’m not saying no, I just want to know why!” he rebutted.
“Fine,” she said, her shoulders slumping slightly. “Y/n doesn’t like it when you leave your load inside me. It drips out after and she doesn’t like how it tastes.” She’d been hoping that the explanation would be enough, and they could get on with their night, but he grew even more angry at hearing the reason.
“Y/n?!” He exploded. “Who the fuck cares what she thinks? She’s your recycler, for God’s sake, not your girlfriend!”
“Oppa, please, she’s still my responsibility and we’re going to be together for a long time! I just don’t want to make her upset!”
“No, you don’t, so you’d rather sacrifice our relationship!”
“Our relationship? Oppa, please be reasonable, it’s just one little thing!”
He stopped short and looked at her somberly. “It’s not,” he told her. “You’re literally putting your recycler above me, above our relationship. You think her happiness is more important than mine.”
“It’s not! Oppa, please!” she begged, tears in her eyes.
“If you insist on the condoms… we’re over, Jennie-yah. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t prioritize me in her life.”
The ultimatum took her aback, and she stared at him with wide eyes for a minute, silently begging him to take it back, to explain that he’d just said that in the heat of the moment, and he didn’t actually want to end their relationship. But he didn’t, sitting down heavily on the bed instead and looking away from her.
Sadly, she began to collect her things from the room. “I didn’t want it to end like this, oppa,” she said softly.
“I know.” That was the last thing he said before she left.
With her vision still blurry from the tears, Jennie fumbled in her bag in the passenger seat to get her phone. She needed to hear your voice.
“Hello?” You picked up almost immediately, having had your phone next to you while you ate with Chaeyoung and Jisoo. Lisa was at the studio again practicing for a dance shoot. “Unnie? What’s up?”
Jennie sniffled. Hearing that, your mind shot into overdrive. “Unnie? Are you okay? Are you crying? Where are you?”
Right. Words were necessary. “We broke up,” was all she could say, though.
It was enough. You stood up so quickly that both Jisoo and Chaeyoung looked over with concern. “What? Are you still at his place?”
Jennie nodded, then realized you couldn’t see it. “Carpark,” she confirmed. “Can’t drive.”
“Okay, you just wait there, okay, unnie? We’ll come get you,” you assured her.
“Okay,” she sniffled, but didn’t want to hang up. “Y/n-ie? Can you stay on the phone?”
“Of course,” you promised. “Just give me a sec, okay?” She put the phone down and quickly explained what was going on to Jisoo and Chaeyoung, then the three of them got up and drove over to Kai’s apartment complex. On the way, you stayed on the phone with Jennie, continuing to talk to her about nothing while she just listened, letting you distract her.
You had some trouble with the security at the building, since of course they weren’t about to let some random people into the apartment complex, but since both Chaeyoung and Jisoo were in the car, they figured nothing bad could happen and finally let you in after you promised that you were just there to pick up someone.
It wasn’t difficult to spot Jennie’s car in the parking lot, since it was fairly empty, and you got out of the car and sprinted to her, pulling open the door on the driver’s side and peering in. Jennie was hunched forward, her hands grasping the top of the steering wheel and her forehead resting on her hands, and she turned to look up at you when she heard the door open.
“Y/n-ie—” she managed to get out, before bursting into tears again.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you soothed, leaning in to give her an awkward hug and stroking her back. “Let’s get into the backseat, okay? Jisoo-unnie can drive your car home.”
Sniffling, Jennie nodded, climbing out of the driver’s seat and into the back. You followed after her, shutting the door, and Jennie immediately lay down with her head in your lap.
As you stroked her hair, Jisoo got into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine, starting the drive home. Chaeyoung followed in her own car.
Jennie continued crying for a while, then seemed to fall into a light doze while you draped your arm around her. You had to wake her up to get her back into the apartment, but you hadn’t let go of her the entire time, offering support and physical comfort where words failed you.
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Over the next few days, all the girls seemed to coalesce around Jennie, giving her hugs and making sure she was eating and drinking. The difficult part about being an idol was that even though she felt like shit about her breakup, she still had to go to fan meetings, interviews and events, acting like she was happy and chipper and that nothing was wrong.
It was during those times that she sought your support the most. You were always there in the wings or in the audience, milling around with the staff and sending her encouraging smiles and gestures whenever you saw her looking at you. During breaks and between commitments, you would always be by her side, holding her hand or giving her cute hugs and telling her what a great job she was doing.
Even as time passed and she started to get better, she continued to rely on your encouragement, which you eagerly gave. Your relationship grew closer than ever, and Jennie would have been pleased if she hadn’t been so confused. She’d initially wanted a recycler for the sisterly relationship she thought she could foster, but even though you were doing all the things she’d expected and hoped for, she didn’t think of you as a sister.
Instead, she found herself looking at you while you were doing other things, admiring the way your lashes rested against your cheekbones and the focused furrow of your brow. The times of day when she would seek you out because she had to pee became her favourite, purely because she had your entire attention.
Okay, that was a lie. She was starting to love the inherent eroticism of the act, even though that had never been something she’d considered before. The feeling of your lips caressing her slit, your eyes looking up at her with such joy and devotion even as she was peeing in your mouth, the conscientious way you always licked her clean after… she hoped you weren’t noticing the way she would bite her lip when she felt your ministrations on her.
Once, on a really hard day when she’d been at an awards show that included EXO, you’d been extra sweet to her when she decided she couldn’t take it and excused herself to go to the restroom. You’d found her in a deserted corridor, pacing around with her hands on her hips.
“Unnie?” you called, skipping over to her. “You okay?”
“Oh,” she relaxed as she looked up and saw you. “Yeah, I’m fine, sweetie. Just a little stressed out from everything.”
Reaching her, you gave her a hug that she gratefully sank into. “I’m sorry, unnie. Just a little longer, okay? Fighting!”
Pulling back to look her in the face, you were surprised when she instead leaned over to press a kiss to your forehead. “You’re always so good to me, Y/n-ie.”
You giggled bashfully. “It’s the least I could do, unnie. You’re always so thoughtful of me! I just want to make you happy too.”
Your cuteness made her want to hug you more tightly, but the urgent needs of her body had to take precedence for now. She let you go and pulled back, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Stress drinking water was really not the way to go when at an awards show, she admonished herself.
“You look like you’re in a bit of a state there, unnie,” you teased even as you dropped to your knees in front of her.
“Oh, shut up,” she groaned, leaning against the wall and throwing her head back as you pulled her panties and safety shorts down. The short dress she was wearing may look impractical, but it was actually immensely helpful for situations such as this.
“It’s okay, unnie,” you soothed as you stroked her hip, shuffling closer. “I’ve got you,” you said right before pressing your lips to her pussy, your mouth open to catch her urine.
The feeling of your soft, warm lips on her pussy and the tender, reassuring words you said right before you put them there was almost too much for Jennie, and she had to close her eyes to regain composure before she did something ridiculous like try to grind her clit against your face. Focus, she reminded herself sternly. She wasn’t going to be one of those donators who exploited her recycler, someone who was in a position completely dependent on her.
By this point, peeing in your mouth was as natural to Jennie as using a toilet had been in the past, and it didn’t take any effort at all for her to start the stream. She let out a big sigh of relief as pee started jetting out of her. She’d really had to go, and the feeling of letting it out was almost euphoric, making her shudder with how good it felt.
Your gaze drifted up to her face, her brow slightly furrowed and her mouth open as she continued peeing in your mouth. You were gulping it down as quickly as possible, trying desperately to keep up with her stream, but you couldn’t help but notice how sexy she looked like that. You could almost imagine her making that face for a different reason, and slightly embarrassed at the direction that your thoughts had taken, you lowered your gaze once again.
As you did so, Jennie opened her eyes and looked down at you, struck by the view. You looked completely focused on your task of drinking the pee she’d held in her body for so many hours. Was there a purer expression of devotion, of care, than this? The last of her pee drained out of her into your mouth, and you smiled up at her before licking her clean.
This time, you took extra care to get every bit, swirling your tongue gently as you lapped at her core. When you were done, you pressed tender, wet kisses to either side of her, then one directly over her clit, gazing up at her as you did so. She definitely deserved a little bit more love today. Kai had been staring at her the entire time, and you knew she was stressed.
When you were done, you helped her back into her clothes silently. “Shall we head back, unnie?” you asked with a smile.
“You go ahead,” she demurred. “I need a minute before I can go back in there.” She intentionally phrased it so you’d think she was talking about Kai, and you squeezed her arm sympathetically before leaving her, licking your lips clean as you went.
When she thought about what she’d done next instead, she still flushed. Instead of cooling off, she all but ran into the restroom down the hall, a room she’d honestly thought she’d never have to set foot in again, and had her hand in her panties the moment the stall door clanged shut. With one hand frigging herself desperately and the other covering her mouth to make sure no errant noises escaped, she brought herself to a hasty, unfulfilling orgasm. It didn’t matter, though. It was enough to cool her blood for the time being.
After washing her hands and cleaning up, Jennie returned to the awards ceremony, where Jisoo immediately draped an arm around her shoulders and started stroking her hair comfortingly. You must have told the other girls that she’d been having a hard time with Kai here, she thought. She appreciated your concern, but it really made things all the more awkward for her when instead of freaking out about it, she’d been off masturbating to the thought of you drinking her piss and eating her out.
The situation eventually grew more serious, to the point that Jennie was sure she was doing a piss-poor (ha) job at keeping it a secret. How was she supposed to get her head on straight when you literally had your mouth on her cunt multiple times every day?
---------------------------------
You could, in fact, confirm that Jennie wasn’t keeping her growing attraction to you under wraps. It wasn’t her fault – she couldn’t exactly help the fact that she was often wet when you got on your knees from her. You could literally see the arousal shining on her pussy before she covered your face with it, and the way the slick smeared on your face was kind of a dead giveaway.
Still, you didn’t say or do anything because you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, trusting that she would speak up if she wanted to. It would only make things awkward if you pushed her before she was ready. After all, if she turned you down or denied it, you’d still be stuck to her 24/7, for the foreseeable future.
No, it was better for things to remain the way things were, you determined.
Despite your better judgement, however, you were still a little shit at heart and took pleasure in riling Jennie up and possibly hinting to her that you’d be open to a development in your relationship. You were getting increasingly bold with the liberties you took under the guise of ‘cleaning her’, sometimes even giving her clit a naughty little suck just to ‘get it all out’, or sliding your tongue so deep along her slit that you could taste her arousal.
She never broke though, even though you could feel the minute movements sometimes as she rocked her hips slightly in response to your ministrations, and she often ran off right after getting up off your face, probably to masturbate somewhere. Every time she did, you’d sigh and lick your lips clean, wishing she would let you help with that too.
Chaeyoung, predictably enough, found the whole thing hilarious. Having a front-row seat to your mutual crushes on each other was seriously top-notch entertainment, she thought, especially since you were both so utterly oblivious about your feelings. As your feelings for Jennie grew, you stopped seeking Chaeyoung out for sex, and your relationship instead mellowed into a tightly knit friendship. There were no hard feelings on either side, since Chaeyoung had mostly been in it for the sex anyway. Being a gay idol was really hard, and you’d provided physical and emotional support for a period of time.
These days, you mostly hid in Chaeyoung’s bed to whine about Jennie and cuddled her when she felt like she would never find a girlfriend, given the restrictions on her life as long as she was an idol. Jennie, however, didn’t know that, and increasingly was filled with jealousy whenever you disappeared to look for Chaeyoung. Once, when she’d seen pictures of a wedding between two of her cheer teammates, you’d ended up spending the whole night with her as she cried.
Jennie tried to be understanding – she knew that she didn’t own you, and that Chaeyoung was clearly going through something. But she was going through something too, god dammit, and she wished you would cuddle her and kiss her forehead and tell her it was all going to be okay the way you did with Chaeyoung sometimes on the couch.
Well, it would be difficult for you to do that with her since her issue was that she was falling for you, but still.
Chaeyoung was fully aware of Jennie’s jealousy, too. It wasn’t like she was even trying to be subtle about it, looking over and sighing or pouting whenever she saw the two of you wrapped up cozily together.
Eventually, when it got boring for Chaeyoung to deal with the longing, sidelong glances and wistful sighs, she finally decided to talk to Jennie about you.
Predictably enough, Jennie was reluctant, but Chaeyoung had, by this point, had years of experience prying secrets out of her older member, and was now adept at it. Call her the Jennie whisperer, she thought to herself as she invited Jennie for coffee, just the two of them, like they’d used to as trainees when Lisa and Jisoo were off doing whatever it was the two of them did alone.
Sipping her iced coffee, Chaeyoung eyed Jennie, noting the sadness she thought she was hiding as she stirred the sugar into her drink. “Unnie, are you okay? You just seem really down lately,” she prompted the older girl.
Jennie looked up in surprise, then relaxed. “Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just Kai, y’know?”
“Unnie, that was months ago! What’s really bothering you?” Chaeyoung pressed.
Abruptly becoming defensive, Jennie’s shoulders drew up around her shoulders. “Nothing’s bothering me,” she said.
“All right,” Chaeyoung accepted, though it was clear from her raised brow that she didn’t believe her. “I’m glad we got to do this, unnie,” she continued with a smile. “We never get to spend time together anymore, just the two of us.”
“That’s true,” Jennie agreed. “We’re always so busy these days…”
“Yeah, and Y/n is always hanging around you too…”
It was like a cloud abruptly formed over Jennie’s head when she heard your name. “She’s not always hanging around me,” she muttered with some bitterness. Sometimes she was spending time with Chaeyoung, after all. It was just a little bit annoying for the person who’d been stealing time with her own recycler to be saying that.
“Unnie, come on! She never leaves your side,” Chaeyoung laughed. She was intentionally goading Jennie, but the older girl seemed to be falling for it hook, line and sinker without even realizing that she was being played.
“That is so not true,” Jennie huffed. Her jealousy got the better of her, and she snapped, “She’s always hanging around you these days.”
A beat of silence, then Chaeyoung said with delight, “Unnie, are you jealous?”
“What? N-no!” Jennie denied, flustered now. “Why would I be jealous? She’s just my recycler. She can sleep with whoever she wants.”
“Wait, who said anything about sleeping together? I thought we were talking about just hanging out.”
“We were, I mean—oh, fuck.” Caught red-handed, Jennie slumped miserably onto the table in front of her, hiding her face from her dongsaeng.
“You know, you should really just talk to her,” Chaeyoung said, uncaring of Jennie’s dramatics.
“I can’t,” Jennie protested, her voice muffled. “I have to be responsible for her. She’s going to think that I’m trying to pressure her.”
“Unless…” Chaeyoung trailed off, and Jennie raised her head to look at her.
“Unless?” she asked.
Chaeyoung winked. “Maybe she feels the same way about you.”
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Now that Chaeyoung had planted that thought in her mind, Jennie couldn’t stop thinking about it. She saw hints of it in the way you happily ran to give her a hug when she came home, the way you snuggled up to her at night, and in all the thoughtful little gestures that showed how much attention you paid to her. You brought her snacks and water during her meets and shoots when they ran overtime, and always encouraged her during practice and recording sessions.
As much as she tried not to overthink it, it was impossible not to read into the little ways you made her feel special especially when you were drinking from her. The cozy way your face nestled into her ass when she sat on the chair, or the almost reverent, worshipful way you looked up at her when she stood over you, the way you licked her clean so slowly and thoroughly that there was no way you were oblivious to how wet she became, and those sweet, soft kisses you’d taken to littering on her pussy when you were done licking her.
There was no way you’d do all that unless you felt some type of way for her, right?
Despite Chaeyoung’s intervention and her own increasing desire for more between the two of you, it actually took a rather embarrassing mistake on her part to force her hand.
Since she’d broken up with Kai, she’d entered somewhat of a sex drought, which meant it was easier than ever for you to turn her on, something you took pleasure in doing, especially at home on days when she didn’t have any schedules. She knew this, and yet she could never bring herself to stop you by getting up before you were done ‘cleaning’ her, always hungry for more.
On this particular day, your face was under her on the chair when she made the mistake of looking down at you between her legs. She could only see the lower half of your face, of course, yet the sight of your tongue so eager to please was definitely her new kryptonite, she decided on the spot. As you licked a stripe from her clit to her asshole, she shuddered and let out a soft moan, rolling her hips slightly to get more friction.
A second later, she paused and stiffened, hoping that you hadn’t heard that.
Unfortunately, from your giggle, she knew that was not the case, and started to rise, intending to beat a hasty retreat. Before she could get up, however, your arms shot out, grabbing her by the hips. “Unnie,” you whined.
“Y-Y/n,” she stammered, trying harder to shake off your grasp and stand up. Eventually, you let her, but when she turned back to look at you, you were pouting up at her through the hole in the seat.
“Unnie, don’t you want me to finish?” you asked.
“You— I— what?” Reduced to stammering now, she started backing away from you, and you hastily got out from under the seat to sit on the ground.
“I mean, I knew that you were liking it more than you wanted to admit,” you told her, your eyes wide with sincerity. “I don’t mind helping you out, you know.”
“But… but Chaeyoung…” Jennie was grasping at straws now.
You shrugged. “We haven’t slept together in months, unnie. I want this,” you said, leaning forward. “If you’re okay with it, that is.”
“Wait… what is it you want exactly?” She didn’t think she could handle just being friends with benefits with you, even if her libido was screaming at her to take what she could get.
“I want to be your recycler… friend… girlfriend, if you want…?” You peeked up at her from under your lashes, nervous now from laying all your cards on the table.
“Really?” She knelt on the floor to look you in the eye properly. “You really want that? You’re not just saying it because you think I do?”
“You do?” Surprise coloured your tone. “I thought you were just horny after your breakup.”
Jennie flushed. “Well, I mean, there is that,” she coloured. “But no… I really do have feelings for you. It’s probably part of why my relationship with Jongin-oppa didn’t work out.”
You giggled. “Well, if you don’t mind… I’d love to give this a shot,” you confessed.
“I would love that too,” Jennie breathed, leaning in to kiss you, because she needed to occupy her mouth with something before she blurted out something stupid, like that she loved you.
To her surprise and displeasure, however, you leaned back when it became clear what she was trying to do. “Wait, wait! Don’t you want me to brush my teeth or something?” you asked, clapping a hand over your mouth.
She laughed. “I don’t care, silly,” she said, pulling you closer with a hand on the nape of your neck. With that out of the way, you eagerly draped your arms around her neck and pulled her close for a kiss. It was soft and sweet and everything you’d dreamed of with her… until she broke away to pull you to her bed.
“Moving a little fast there, aren’t you, unnie?” you giggled as she straddled you. She hadn’t put her clothes back on, so she was wearing only a shirt.
“You’ve been teasing me for months,” she complained as she leaned down to kiss you again, this one deeper and filthier, leaving you breathless.
“Fair enough,” you said, letting her pull your shirt off. You retaliated by stripping hers off too, and then she shuffled down to take care of your shorts and panties. “What do you want to do?”
She moved with a sense of purpose and drive that indicated she’d thought about this a lot, shuffling up to your face and straddling it, facing your body. Leaning forward, she pulled your legs apart and ran her fingers along your soaked slit before raising her fingers to her mouth. “I’ve wanted to do this since I saw Chaeng on top of you,” she growled before lowering her pussy to your face.
You ate her out ravenously, excited after all those months of stolen moments where you gradually pushed the limits to see where she would draw the line. You already knew how she tasted, but you wanted her to use you for her pleasure, grind on your face and moan and scream when you made her feel good.
Diligently, you lapped at her clit, experimenting with different strokes and speeds until you found one that seemed to make her go crazy. She dropped her head, pressing her cheek to your thigh for a few seconds before regaining composure and redoubling her efforts to make you cum. Of course, this was a competition she was bound to lose, since you’d had a head start earlier.
“Unnie, your cunt tastes so good,” you moaned into her core between the sucking and licking. “Your piss is so fucking tasty too, I love it.”
Your nasty words spurred her on, and she ground her pussy against your face, groaning at the stimulation on her clit. “Fuck, you feel so good,” she huffed, forgetting about your pleasure as she chased her own relentlessly. “Such a nasty little slut for me, aren’t you?”
Since it didn’t seem like she had the bandwidth to, you took over stimulating yourself, rubbing at your clit with your fingers. “Yeah, I’m your dirty slut, unnie,” you gasped, before sucking her clit into your mouth and flicking it with your tongue repeatedly. The movement sent her stratospheric and she cried out as she came, gushing cream straight into your mouth.
“Oh, God,” she exhaled shakily when it was over, lifting herself off your face. “You’re such a good girl,” she praised, her fingers sliding along your cunt again and knocking your hand out of the way as she began fingering you in earnest, wanting to pay you back for the orgasm you’d just gifted her.
“Ah, unnie,” you moaned, your hips rising off the bed as you chased her touch. “That feels so good, yes, yes—” Your eyes closed, and you gasped, small, choked cries leaving your mouth as you came, clenching down on her fingers. She worked you diligently through it, only pulling her hand away when you started to make small noises of pain as overstimulation set in.
“That was so good, unnie,” you said in a soft, tired voice as she collapsed on the bed next to you. Pulling her close, you nuzzled your nose against hers.
“Likewise,” she smiled before her lips met yours in a kiss, this one chaste and sweet after your mutual lust had been slaked.
“Thank you for giving us a shot,” you murmured, closing your eyes in contentment.
“No,” she corrected you, wrapping her arms around you. “Thank you for being mine.”
You knew what she meant, and your lips lifted in a small smile. You would always be hers, and she would never forget to appreciate it. Neither of you were willing to call it love yet, but you knew that would come. There was no rush – you were her recycler, you’d always be together.
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artificialqueens · 4 years ago
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Everybody Knows You're High, 1/4 (Rajila) - Dartmouth420
“I found myself all alone in the grocery store, more stoned than I think I’ve ever been before.”
Summary: Raja smokes way too much weed and develops horrifying self-awareness, Manila’s there to rescue her but takes none of her bullshit. Maybe, just maybe, they fall in love. A lesbian college AU friends-to-idiots-to-lovers tale based on the song Everybody Knows by Partner. Loosely inspired by Off Limits by V&albatross but like wayyyy dumber :) 
A/N: my computer died and I’m in the process of getting all my files back so I wrote this mostly in the notes app on my phone to cope lmao
tw: weed induced anxiety & paranoia
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It was a wonderful Sunday afternoon and Raja had been taking massive bong rips for the past two hours because why the hell not.
She sat in a sunbeam on her couch in the living room, deeply at peace with the world. Her roommates were out, and Raja was supposed to be working on a paper for her philosophy class that was due this week. But whatever, wasn’t a big part of college about having fun?
Raja glanced over at her Nintendo controller and stared at it for a good minute before reaching for it and selecting Super Smash Bros. After several minutes of staring glassy-eyed at the screen and trying to beat the computer generated competition, Raja blindly reached over for the bag of chips that usually rested in the corner of the couch and found… it was gone.
Raja paused the game and glared at the corner of the couch, suddenly really hungry.
She got up and went to the kitchen, digging around in the cupboards, reasoning she could always pay Delta or Carmen back for chips if they had some… but to no avail. If Raja wanted chips, she’d have to leave the house.
But that wasn’t such a big deal, the grocery store was a block down the street which was part of the reason they’d picked this house in the first place. Raja knew the route like the back of her tattooed left hand.
So, Raja took another big hit off her bong for courage, enjoying the satisfying bubbles in the dank bong water and subsequent thick smoke that went deep into her lungs.
Then she left the house, lazy in loose shorts and a crop top, yellow-tinted sunglasses to take the glare off the sunny afternoon, and her wallet reliably in her back pocket. What a beautiful day, it almost felt like a movie as she wandered down the street in the golden afternoon light. The clouds were small, fluffy and perfect. It just like how Raja imagined the 90s.
Glancing up at the big three-pane window in the house a few doors down across the street, Raja wondered if anyone was home. A few other students lived there, including Manila, who was one of her close friends. Raja decided not to stop and kept walking, the need for chips overpowering the desire to stop by and visit Manila.
At the grocery store Raja smiled to herself, took a plastic basket and wandered gently down the brightly lit aisles. Mmm, food. She got to the chips aisle and put a couple of different bags in her basket, letting elderly people and families and other folks pass her as she moved slowly. Then Raja decided she might, in fact, want ice cream too and moseyed over to the dairy section.
But as the cool air of the diary aisle hit her Raja began to experience doubt. She didn’t smell like weed, did she? Her mouth still tasted a little smoky, but surely it wouldn’t be a problem…
… and suddenly Raja saw somebody behind the glass in the big wall of fridges, blending in to the little cartons of whipping cream. Who the hell was that?
Raja peered closer, curious about the weird gremlin that lived in the fridge only to realize, with absolute horror, that it was her own reflection.
Long, greasy black hair, a slack expression, yellow tinted sunglasses through which her bloodshot and lined eyes were clearly visible. A twenty-year-old mess.
Clearly and distinctly, a voice inside Raja’s head said, Everybody knows you’re high.
Shit.
Raja looked around slowly, and inched into the corner at the end of the aisle between the shredded cheese and a big granola bar display. Her breath grew shallow as the sudden anxiety swallowed her whole. Oh god, oh no, everybody could tell-
What the fuck was she supposed to do now?
Raja gulped, completely glued to the spot as she watched the other shoppers go by. She needed a rescue mission. She took out her phone, holding on to the basket of chips for dear life.
Raja stared at her phone. Delta and Carmen were both out today and too far away, Shangela was mad at her, Raven was out of the question, who else, who else lived nearby… 
Raja hit call.
“Hello?” came Manila’s voice, a little out of breath.
“Manila,” whispered Raja, shrinking further into the corner between the display and the glass fridge, as she realized that everyone in the store knew she was high and could probably also hear her conversation, “I need you to come pick me up.”
“Why are you whispering?”
“I’m like… super high,” whispered Raja, anxiety spiking as her too-slow body fought her too-fast mind, “I’m at the grocery store and everybody knows and I’m trapped in the diary aisle and I can’t move.”
“What?” laughed Manila, “Oh my god, how much weed did you smoke?”
“I dunno, I did like… thirteen bong hits,” whispered Raja pathetically, “I needed chips.”
“You are so stupid,” said Manila with affectionate exasperation, “I’m out for a run, I’m just around the corner. I’ll come get you.”
Raja whispered a thank you and hung up and took a deep breath and stared at the floor. The floor was moving a little bit not too badly.  Maybe she could just walk down the dairy aisle and people wouldn’t be able to tell how high she was- but no, everybody knew. Someone was probably calling the grocery store cops right now and Raja would go to stoner girl jail and she’d never get to tell Manila how much she liked her…
After what might have three minutes or possibly an hour, Raja looked up and saw Manila approaching from the end of the aisle. Raja breathed a sigh of relief, but found she still couldn’t move. Manila’s curly black hair was up in a high ponytail, her face glowed a little from her run, and her colourful leggings were really showing off her legs…
“Hi, bitch,” said Manila, stopping in front of Raja with a huge, teasing grin. “I can’t believe you did this to yourself. Come on.”
With that, Manila turned and motioned for Raja to follow, her but Raja couldn’t.
“Nnh-“ managed Raja, shaking her head. If she left the corner now-
“Raja,” said Manila, rolling her eyes. She reached out and took Raja’s loose hand, forcefully leading her down the aisle. Very shocked to suddenly be moving, Raja followed her passively, letting herself be led. But when they got to checkout Raja froze again, causing Manila to jerk to a stop. Raja shook her head frantically.
“Are you like actually having a panic attack or something?” asked Manila, concerned, looking carefully into Raja’s expression as Raja suddenly noticed a few loose curls that had come loose from her ponytail, sitting soft and almost weightless on Manila’s head-
“Nope, you’re just really high,” said Manila to herself, shaking her head, and then redirected her. “Self-checkout it is.”
They made it through the self-checkout and paid for the chips even though Raja really didn’t like the beeping machine and kept asking it to be quiet. And then finally Manila led her back outside into the sun. Raja breathed out a sigh of relief, glad to have escaped. They crossed the hot expanse of the parking lot and headed for home. It was rare that weed made her anxious and paranoid like that, but it did happen occasionally.
Manila let go of her hand and Raja immediately missed it, because Manila’s hand was warm and soft and fit nicely in hers. Hmm. Manila always showed up for her, reflected Raja vaguely, she was an exceptionally reliable force in a flakey world. Raja kept walking, gently swinging her plastic bag full of chips as her anxiety faded. Manila said something but Raja wasn’t really paying attention.
“Do you want to come over and play Nintendo?” asked Raja instead. “I’ve got Super Smash Bros.”
“That’s your response to what topic you’re doing for the paper for Professor O’Hara’s philosophy class?” laughed Manila.
“Uh, I’m working on it,” answered Raja, noticing the way the sun caught in Manila’s hair. Had she noticed these things about her before? They’d been friends for a while now, and Raja was pretty sure Manila liked girls too… or was at least willing to experiment. “I’m gonna write about Plato’s Symposium, probably.”
“Yeah, cool,” replied Manila, nodding so that her curly ponytail bounced, “I’ve got about six hundred words on The Republic so far.”
“Are you like dating Alexis?” asked Raja, changing the subject, “Or was that just a casual thing?”
“No,” said Manila, momentarily hesitating, “Well yeah, uh, it was unclear. But we ended it a little while ago, she’s with Yara now.”
“Right, I thought I saw them together. I didn’t realize you two were over.”
“Yeah I mean, you had your own drama going on…”
“Huh?” Raja couldn’t recall any drama in her own life. Raja liked to keep things really chill.
“Uh…” laughed Manila awkwardly, “You were dating Raven and then you broke up with her like super callously right in the middle of that party at Morgan’s and she screamed at you and then knocked that bottle of wine off the table and it broke and went everywhere and someone filmed it-“
“Oh yeah,” said Raja, shrugging and recalling the incident, “Well, she’s a very intense person. I don’t remember you being there, though?”
“I don’t know where you went but I was trying to help Morgan get the stain out of the carpet while she panicked about her damage deposit and Raven locked herself in the bathroom,” said Manila dryly.
“Well,” said Raja, and looked up at her house as the approached, blinking slowly, not sure if she had anything to add to that, “I guess I should apologize to her or whatever. But uh, you should come over anyway, all my roommates are out.”
“Okay, I’ll come up,” said Manila, poking Raja’s arm, “Just to make sure you drink some water and don’t green out on me.”
They went inside and Raja threw herself on to the couch on her side with a bag of chips in her arms, melting down into the cushions with a contented sigh. This was where she was meant to be.
Manila walked in to the kitchen and came back out with two glasses of water, sipping hers and handing the other to Raja.
“Ooh, thank you,” said Raja, half-sitting up to take the glass, and chugged the entire thing, only now noticing she was totally cotton-mouthed and thirsty. Finally hydrated, the munchies were hitting hard and she tore open the bag of chips.
Manila sat down on the couch, shoving Raja’s long legs out of the way.
“Mmm, salt,” commented Manila dryly, taking a handful of chips and shoving them into her mouth. Crunching happily, she wiped her hand on her thigh and asked, “So, where’s the controller?”
Raja pointed it out and Manila picked it up, cancelled out Raja’s long-abandoned game on the screen across from them, and returned to the main menu with a flick of her thumb on the mini joystick. She held the controller with an easy confidence, and it made Raja wonder what else Manila could do with with her hands and how exactly Alexis had benefitted from that…
“Are we gonna play two player or are you just watching?” asked Manila, turning towards her.
Raja considered everything for a moment: the beautiful golden sun streaming in the window, the glorious high she’d relaxed back into, the tasty chips, Manila’s truly beautiful ass that was just about touching Raja’s knee given the way they were positioned, and the fact that, well, Manila was really pretty and recently single and Raja had always preferred casual hookups or friends-with-benefits to relationships anyway, especially given the recent disaster- no, situation, with Raven…
“Do you wanna make out?” asked Raja instead, with what she hoped was a very seductive look.
Manila hesitated for a split second, then burst out laughing and said, “Uh, no?!”
“What, really?” complained Raja. She couldn’t recall the last time a girl had said no to that suggestion. Raven, Mariah, Alaska, Bianca, Shangela, Yvie, Courtney… they’d all been into it, even if just for an afternoon or a night.
“As if!” said Manila, affecting her voice like she was Cher Horowitz before she laughed again and shook her head. Manila leaned forward and flicked through the menus, selecting the single player option, then her character and the arena. With a satisfied little smirk on the side of her mouth, Manila added, “Ask me again when you’re not stoned out of your mind.”
The music played out and Raja sulked and ate her chips and watched Manila play without really seeing it. Being stoned and mildly horny was usually a really fun combination, except when the other person wasn’t interested. Which like never happened! Maybe she’d invite Manila to stay for dinner, let her high fade and they could hang out and maybe things would get interesting a little later in the evening…
“Uh, so,” said Raja again, after watching Manila repeatedly beat the computer generated competition as Pikachu. The screen was starting to hurt her eyes a bit and she put the bag of chips down, craving human contact. Their friendship was platonically affectionate and hopefully that would still be on the table today. “Can I braid your hair?”
“Has anybody ever told you how weird you are?” said Manila in response, jabbing the A-button as she kicked Luigi off the platform.
“People think I’m very cool…”
“Yeah, but that’s what you make them think. I can see right through it, though. You’re afraid of commitment, you’re kind of an anxious bitch and you use weed and the idea of being chill to cover all of that,” stated Manila, “But yeah, you can braid my hair.”
Raja decided to ignore the first part of what Manila had said and sat up, shuffling around behind her until she sat with her legs apart, Manila perched on the edge of the couch cushion between them as she bent forward with her elbows on her knees to play.
While Raja was mentally celebrating the perfect position for hair braiding she’d placed herself in, Manila aggressively jabbed at the controller and kicked the other players off the platform and won the round.
“Sweet,” said Manila, as the victory music played, reaching back and pulling the elastic band out of her ponytail to let her hair spill down her back. Happy and hazy, Raja carded her fingers through Manila’s hair as Manila loaded up another arena. 
Manila continued, “Better hope Carmen isn’t mad that I’m beating all her high scores. I’m gonna unlock metallic Peach for her.”
Raja spent an indefinite period of time gently braiding Manila’s beautiful hair in a soothing repetitive pattern as her high slowly faded and Manila kicked ass at Super Smash Bros. Raja hadn’t ever really noticed Manila like this before. They were pretty good friends, and they’d always had a flirtatious undertone, and Manila went out of her way to hang out and even do favours for her… but Raja had always assumed she was just like, nice or whatever, but maybe it was something more that Raja simply hadn’t registered before. Playing with Manila’s hair wasn’t helping Raja feel any less horny, and there a low strum of sexual tension between them that Raja was sure Manila must be picking up on as well.
Suddenly the door opened and Raja looked up, dropping her hands. Delta was in the doorway, calling out a hello. Raja called back to her, vaguely shocked by the existence of other humans in the universe other than herself and Manila.
Manila paused the game and got up off the couch and touched the back of her head, feeling at the multitude of little braids in her hair. 
“Ha, I must look a mess,” said Manila, then she stretched her arms over her head, grimacing as her back cracked and continued, “Well, you’re barely high anymore and Delta’s back, so I take it my work here is done. I have to finish that paper tonight, see ya.”
With that, Manila sauntered off towards the door, leaving Raja distinctly abandoned on the couch.
“Uh, bye?” called Raja sarcastically after her as Manila shut the door.
Delta gave her a strong side-eyed look.
“What?” asked Raja.
“Since when are you into Manila?” asked Delta bluntly, sitting down into the couch next to Raja. Delta was keenly observant and it was something Raja admired about her, except when she was on the receiving end of that power.
“Since like an hour ago?” replied Raja, and told her about the grocery store adventure.
Delta laughed and totally roasted her while Raja whined complaints.
“She said to ask again when I’m less stoned, so I’m gonna do that the next time we hang out,” said Raja, with complete faith that the idea would work without any problems whatsoever, “What were you out doing this afternoon anyway?”
“Fooling around with that chemistry major I told you about,” replied Delta smugly, poking Raja’s arm, “I can’t believe you got too high and let a cute girl get away on you, you’re losing your touch.”
“You’re a terrible roommate,” complained Raja, but her smile gave her away, “And she’s not just some cute girl, she’s our friend…”
“Sure, but that can all change real quick if you get intimate…”
“It won’t change anything, it’ll be totally casual,” said Raja, casually, “She’s gotta be into me, she’s always nice, and we’re both like queer or whatever,” Raja flipped her hair over her shoulder and adopted a sexy voice, “So why wouldn’t she wanna make out?”
“You’re so annoying,” laughed Delta, and then shook her head, “Just don’t break her heart, bitch, that’ll make our parties super awkward.”
Then they hung out and made dinner and Raja remembered she was still pretty greasy and took a shower. After that she was really, truly, no longer high and it was time to actually work on her philosophy paper.
But Raja knew that something today had shifted. Maybe getting super high, freaking out in the grocery store and having Manila rescue her had brought something to the surface that always been there. Or maybe the affection and desire was totally new. It didn’t make that much of a difference to Raja. The next time the moment struck, she’d simply ask Manila again if she was interested. If Manila genuinely wasn’t then Raja would leave her alone, they’d remain friends, and she’d move on to someone else. But should Manila say yes… well, that would be super fun, wouldn’t it?
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solkat-edits · 5 years ago
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woah a pq sprite edit tutorial ft. mod kk (paint tool SAI)
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MOD KK....: SO UH. this is primarily to help a pal of mine, but like i thought it’d be good to make a post / tutorial in general, so here’s a tutorial which features the process of how i did this dave
since i use sai, this is a tutorial mainly for sai, but you can follow along easily on other art programs since functions are similar and etc. the link to the sai i use can be found here. 
tutorial starts under the read more: 
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BEFORE WE START, any sai users, here are my brush settings regarding lineart / linking, and in general, these are the settings I use for all my art and edits. Size wise, I usually draw with 1, but for line width, I’ll change between 1, 0.8, and 1.5.
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1. So first and foremost (wow, look the way I’m typing got more formal), you want to open the sprite you want to edit on. Here I have Dave. A good resource for sprites / assets from PQ is from this blog, in case any one needs it. 
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2. If you need to, make edits to the base. Usually, if not the hair, I’ll make an edit to the character’s shading colour or their face. In this instance, it’s going to be the latter. So in this picture, what you want to do is colour pick from his skin, make a new layer and on that layer,  you’ll ‘erase’ (draw over) his expression. 
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2.1. Lower the opacity on the coloured over layer so that you can see his original expression- mainly I do this so I can see the proper placement of his facial features and such. Here, I’ll sketch the change I want. 
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2.2. After it’s sketched out, I’ll line it proper and fill it in, and now he’s like smug (shame that it gets covered up by his bangs in the finished edit).
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3. Now we’re to the fun part! Well, onto the more fun parts. Here is where we’ll start our sketching. Sketching isn’t mandatory, especially on smaller, minor edits such as changing shirt colours or adding small accessories, but if you want do things like drastically change their haircut, or to give them a new outfit entirely, sketching is probably a good idea. Anyways, lower the base’s opacity, and then  decide what kind of outfit you want to sketch on your base, and do it. 
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4. After sketching, you’re gonna line! Lower the opacity on both the base and the sketch- though that’s probably a given. Completely optional, but I tend to put my layers in a folder set for organisation purposes. Also, please name your layers, it’ll help you good (OKAY SO LMAO. I forgot to take the screenshot of me mid lining, so I eyeballed all my finished lines out to make it look like it was incomplete.)
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4.1: Anyways, yay! The lining’s complete. I know this is supposed to be a tutorial, but process photos are fun too. 
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5. Now we’re onto pre colouring. I say pre colouring because this is like setting the base for colouring? Yeah. Anyways, I’ve made another folder set for colouring, pulled the base sprite into it, and then set a coloured background under the base for transparency and etc- I usually go with a colour which will contrast the piece’s main palette, which in this case, is blacks and shades of red. 
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5.1. Now we’re going to put the base colour into the newly created lineart. What we’ll do here is turn the transparency on the base sprite down till it’s completely gone, and then we select every inside of the lineart.
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5.2: With the base ‘white’ (the greyish white) colour from Dave’s original sprite, we’ll fill the lineart. 
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5.3 However, after this, you’re going to want to check your transparency because it won’t always be perfect- actually, it won’t be perfect. Usually, you’ll get that small,  shitty white outline which overall imo ruins the piece when it’s transparent. 
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5.4. What you’re going to want to do to rid of this, is- going back to 5.2, after you’ve filled it, and you still have the selection on, you’re going to reverse the selection (arrow pointing to it, ‘pologies for non sai users because I don’t know the equivalent), and then erase. It’ll seem like you’re just erasing the background, but I swear it’s worth it. 
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5.5 See? Now it’s clean. Yay!!!
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5.6 After that’s figured out, you’re going to want to redirect your attention back to the base sprite, and then erase all the shit that’s leftover from it, such as Dave’s sleeve which is poking out from the side, as shown in the pic. 
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5.7 Bam. And now he’s all cleaned up proper and ready to roll. 
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5.8 A completely optional step, but my favourite since I love lining. What I usually do, so that the lines look smooth(er), and more precise with the style, is that I ink it a bit to create line width variation in certain parts of the sprite, and also to create shadows.
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6. Finally on colouring- I’m probably numbering all this shit wrong, but you know what, I sucked at math. Anyways, colouring- figure out your palette, and basically base colour parts of your sprite. The blackish part on the shirt is an airbrush texture. 
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6.1. Tip: If you’re using dark greys or blacks, I’d recommend just picking the exact shades from other PQ sprites so they’re all??? Idk, the same? To put it simply??? Yeah. 
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6.2. Shading is- another probably basic thing, but I’m explaining my particular process, but how I go about shading is by making a clipping layer over the layer I’m currently shading on to ensure that it only colours on that part. Then, I put it on multiply, and then toggle around till I get a good mid shade. To each their own, however, these are just my tips and tricks that I use personally. 
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6.3. And after you’ve shaded your entire piece, you’re done! Yay, he’s edgy now! 
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6.4. Though I did make my end sprite with a texture, and for SAI users, it’s relatively easy. Just open the png file of your sprite so that all your layers are in one and it’s a happy pic, and then go to to the textures drop down menu and select your texture. For this, I decide to use the grunge texture. I also used this texture on my Derse Prince edit, and I used a TV screen texture on one of my Hal edits. I don’t know if texture packs come with other art programs, but if they do, just experiment and see what you like! It’s not obligatory, but it’s a nice touch for some edits. 
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Other than that! We’re finished! I hope you enjoyed- apologies if anything said was over complicated haha ;;. 
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heretyc · 6 years ago
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Maddy’s Editing 101; Angel Wings
Welcome!
Editing has become a huge thing in my online ‘career’ and I edit a lot of the time. Collages, renders, etc. 
Have you ever wanted to give your character angel wings because they are an actual angel? You have come to the right place. And the best part is - it’s all free. No photoshop or money required!
First step, find the character you want to edit. Find a transparent version of them if you can. If you can’t, make a render. To do so is easy, but a tutorial for that is for another day.
I’m using a Val render that I made myself. Here it is ; 
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A little choppy, but you can always edit out small mistakes when you’re done! 
For all of this, you’re going to need Pixlr. A completely free website that requires Flash.
Because this depends on your editing skills, this may take a bit. Get a playlist made if you want!
First step, open up Pixlr. You’ll be taken to a screen that has two options; Pixlr Editor and Try Pixlr X. Select Pixlr Editor.
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This is the screen that you want. If you’re here, great! If you’re not, follow the steps above.
Open an image under “file”. Select “new image” and make sure it’s transparent.
Once you have a transparent page open, click “Layer” and “open layer image by url” or upload the render of your desired character. Free transform/move your render to wherever you want.
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Tah dah! Val is now in the middle of my screen, which is where I feel comfortable editing. Now...to begin with the actual editing.
Look up “transparent angel wings” on Google to find an image you want. Now, because I already created an image of Val with angel wings, I’m going to use different images. It’s good to experiment!
KEEP IN MIND: See how Val is angled? Her back is out and her body is twisted. I have to make sure the wings match her posture.
So...
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I am going to use only ONE of these wings, because the left one is more likely to match the way she’s standing. I’m editing out the other one.
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Weird flex, but ok.
Layers can be a pain in the ass when you don’t have them figured out. Luckily, you can name them!
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Confusion isn’t allowed in this house, Pixlr.
Keep your wing layer underneath your character layer. But keep this in mind, this will be mentioned later on! I will contradict myself. You’ll see how.
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Wow! I edited one of the wings out and adjusted the other so it fits Val’s back.
Now to find another wing that will fit her angle [angel, lol].
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Perfect. Continue to make sure the wing layers are underneath your characters layer.
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Ignore the missing layers and history; I fucked up lmao.
But now that I resized, reangled [is that a word?] and edited the second wing, it actually looks like Val is a literal angel and isn’t a cult leader.
Now, if you see my original Val edit...
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One of her wings is wrapped around her arm while the other is stretched. The “wrap around” technique can be a little tricky, especially if you’re new to editing. But I’m going to explain my ways of doing this little detail.
Do the first steps from above. Find curled wings instead.
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I’m going to reuse these. One side is curled and both wings match Val’s posture.
Onto the hard parts.
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I removed the other layers except for the characters render, and added the wings as one whole layer.
Now, remember when I said to keep the characters’ layer over the wings layer? You have to change that, but first, seperate the two layers.
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Copy the right wing, paste it, and make sure it’s a new layer. The other one is going to go above the renders layer. The right one is going to stay the same.
Pay attention to these next parts.
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You can either do this two ways. You can erase part of the wing to attach it to the renders back, in which you need to put the wings layer above the renders layer to see what you’re doing.
OR
You can erase part of the render to make it fit. But this way is not really required, and it’s a little more complicated.
But the editing process is done for the curled wing version! You now can adjust the lighting, colour, and whatever else on your wings/render if you want.
Next,
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Select the whole image and decide what you want to crop. Go under Image and crop whatever it is that you desire.
Go under File and press save. SAVE YOUR IMAGE AS PNG FOR IT TO BE TRANSPARENT.
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Done. This is finished result. I used Wings from Roblox here, but they worked well so don’t judge me. ):(
I hope this helped! I can’t believe I edited Val 3 times to look like an angel lmfao.
Enjoy!
Feel free to request any other tutorials [collages w/ gif, create your own render, etc] from me. Thank you for reading!
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thedappleddragon · 4 years ago
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two in one because I fell asleep lol
ball state visit day!! I kept having dreams about sleeping in too late and not getting there on time, and the whole dream was tinted in shades of brown. (also I want to mention before I forget that the night before, I had a nightmare about a life sized spring trap living in the corner of my room that would walk towards you and attack like a slow weeping angel unless you stared at him with yellow glasses on. he went from terrifying to being my boyfriend for a moment and then back to terrifying before I woke up. I'm glad I have a desk in that corner of my room so I KNOW its impossible, even in a half-asleep headspace.) but I got up with plenty of time to spare, showered, washed my hair, had breakfast, gathered my things, and we were off! we left a lot earlier the I expected because my mom wanted to drive around campus and see what it was like and bring my sister along. the drive was pert straightforward until we had to take a bunch of weird directions to actually get on campus. we drove around looking at all the buildings (LOTS of brick, huh) and peeking into a couple of them. my sister and I walked through the woods a little bit, looked through the bookstore, and looked some of the photography pieces in the halls. eventually it got closer to the time my friends agreed to meet up, and I anxiously waited for them to walk up. thankfully they both arrived at the same time and my mom razzed my friend SO HARD for looking like a skeleton of a man while the doors/windows of the car were still closed. I got out of the car and we walked around the art museum for a while before they closed. there was a pop-art exhibit upstairs and a LOT of religious and abstract and historical stufff downstairs. they were closing really soon so we headed put and walked around campus and talked and warmed ip to each other since were had to be really quiet in the museum. we walked through some buildings and talked about classes and campus until we got to the bookstore building with the food court. I had actually been there a couple of times for jazz band competitions over the years in high school, but I was still a bit of a nervous wreck trying to navigate it lmao. but we had a nice lunch and I ate too fast and got hiccups for the rest of the got dang day. my friend paid for my lunch which was very nice of her, thank you friend :> after lunch we toured the rest of the building where my art classes would be next year. we walked into one room and someone left some BEAUTIFULLY stylized cartoony drawings that I found really impressive. after that we headed off to the dorms where they gave me a mini tour and we played an INTENSE game uno flip. then another, where we did shitty accents at each other and accused each other of being homophobic/abelist (JOKING, OBVIOUSLY. 2 of us are queer and 2 of us are neurodiverse so its fine lmao) and after uno we play a little whiplash until skeleton man had to go. he promised to play Stardew valley with someone else at 9. I had asked my mom to pick me up a little before nine, but unfortunately she had some trouble with directions and we had to spend a while walking around outside trying to figure out where the FUCK she was. we eventually found her lol. my mom and I drove home and talked about my day and got Burger King. I ate too much and got too full and had to lie down when I got home oops. I think I went to bed a little early 
and as for today, it was really nice and relatively uneventful. I woke up early after some tossing and turning and apparently taking off my sweatshirt in the middle of the night?? somehow??? since the weather was so nice I spent a lot of my time outside with my cat :) my sister talked me into going to goodwill, and while at first I didn't want to because looking through shirts at goodwill is boring, I went anyway because we would go to dollar tree afterwards. we took the car because we were in the main road less than 30 seconds and it would have been too hot to comfortably walk. it felt really freeing to just be able to drive somewhere! going to goodwill was actually a lot nicer than I thought it would be; it felt nice getting out of the house, although I now realize I had just been out all day yesterday?? meh. I kind of enjoyed filing through shirts with her until I got really hot under my mask. I wanted to check if they had any yarn grab bags, but to no avail. so we walked into dollar tree looking for snacks and possible art supplies. my sister lead me around a corner, and apparently they had rearranged the store a little because all the art supplies were on one wall!! I was actually pretty surprised at their selection of stuff; there were KNITTING NEEDLES! and chalk markers! but most importantly they had Y A R N! and pretty ok quality yarn, too. very nice cute pastel colors, so I had to buy one small skein of each of the six colors. earlier today I had seen a tutorial on how to crochet fairy wings from a wire frame, so that morning I took an old beat up pair of wings my sister and I had and stripped off the feather boa border and out away the pantyhose material in the middle. one wire popped out of place, so I gotta figure out how to fix that before I can continue. but after our shopping, we sat in the car and chilled. listening to musoc and I ate the cheezits I bought. we drove around a little bit, circling around the park once, and returning home, making sure to leave the car how we found it so dad wouldn't notice that we borrowed it. shhhh, secret mission. I changed into shorts, and we both laid outside in the backyard to enjoy the sun. my sister took the trampoline and I took the hammock. Lily came and hopped onto my lap for a while, and I pet her and did my best to shield her eyes from the sun. I almost fell asleep lol. eventually the house blocked the sun, so I went inside and stared making a frozen pasta thing. I split it with my sister and it was really good. I played some stardew valley, taking breaks to stretch my legs n stuff, but quit when I accidentally died in skulll cavern trying to get to level 100. I think I'll have to wait for the best luck day to do it, because I wasn't making great progress anyway. I'll just redo that day. anyhow I showed my dad the yarn I got (telling him my sister and I walked there), had some ice cream, brushed my teeth, and now im laying in bed with my cat, a fan on, and my window cracked open to hear rolling thunder from a nearby storm <3
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encoresencores · 5 years ago
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girl crush (part 3)
But none of the many objects of my adolescent (and then teenage) obsessions were quite so untouchable as Celeste. With her, it was different — I didn’t long desperately to be her friend, but was content with gazing up, from a distance, to the pedestal I had set her upon.
I never knew her personally; I only knew of her, and that was enough. In school she was one of the lead Chinese dancers, and at every Chinese New Year or Teacher’s Day (or whatever uninspired drag of a special occasion’s) performance, the curtains rose on her standing front and centre. When the other girls filed off into the wings, she would emerge from the riff-raff, upstage in the spotlight, regal and delicately arranged like a flower as she remained on stage waiting to begin her solo; the calefare having dutifully made way for their star. Everyone knew who she was. She was Ding Laoshi, the Chinese dance instructor’s, favourite; I once heard from a friend that Ding Laoshi referred to her as “小公主” - little princess - and it was obvious why. When she danced, in her long graceful lines and winsome smile was a dramatic air of triumph and tragedy combined, femininity glorified and yet reproached. She was all vulnerable charm and earnest strength. I could never tear my eyes away from her when she was onstage.
Offstage, she was steeped in a mist of mystery.
But first, a description: she was tall and lithe, with a long neck and expressive fingers, no curves to speak of. A golden-brown, sharp-jawed face with full lips and fierce, dark eyebrows; large almond eyes that were challenging and secretive at the same time; long lifted cheeks that gave her face a sense of yearning openness. To this day, I am still of the opinion that no one’s features came together as alluringly, as perfectly exotically, as hers did (which I suppose already explains my untiring fascination — as you might know, I am too easily mesmerised by all things beautiful).
In real life, she carried herself in a self-conscious, tentative manner that made her seem more fragile than her strong limbs and powerful technique on stage betrayed; her shoulders were slightly hunched, accentuating jutting collarbones, and her hands always carefully held in front of her body (I knew this from passing by her in the corridors, or spotting her from afar in the canteen). On Instagram, for she was one of those people who lived their lives on Instagram, she regularly posted dimly-lit close-ups of herself looking vacantly into the camera, lips parted so a flash of white teeth showed through, and captioned these photos with melancholy and cryptic poetry. She was too thin, and her gaze a tad too raw, to be considered sexy — but she was endlessly sensual.
She was not just a talented dancer, but also a gifted artist. A painter and sketcher, one of her favourite canvases was herself — she experimented with wild lipstick colours and stunning, deftly-blended eyeshadow creations that would not have looked out of place on a runway. She was equally bold and varied with her fashion choices: from heavy maxi skirts and boots (in Singapore weather!) paired with skimpy tank tops, to baggy men’s shirts and oversized pants and aviators, to clashing colours and unyielding eclecticism of pattern layered unabashedly on pattern, to slinky evening gowns fit for a red carpet, to girlish blogshop chic… she pulled it all off seamlessly. Her style was the sum of all styles, her great skill that of metamorphosis. A chameleon of a girl, flitting from one look to another.
Fittingly, these artistic inclinations were accompanied by failing grades in math and science. Even her name suited her perfectly. Celeste - elegant, ethereal, poetic. Unique but not blatantly so. Anything else would have been too coarse, too common, trying too hard. But not everything about her was so deeply-passionate and dramatic: like any other teenage girl (here is a reminder that we were merely sixteen at the time), she posted cheery OOTDs, and food photos, and group snaps where she was grinning so wide that her eyes were tiny and all her teeth showed — those were my favourite photos, the ones where she looked gloriously happy. Tortured artist perhaps, but there was joy in her life, I was sure. This only served to further my obsession. I marvelled at how such a pensive, complex being could also be so purely exuberant and vital — it was precisely this polarity that mesmerised me. The capacity for feeling that she appeared to possess (deep plunges into depression, lofty heights of euphoria) was too far removed from my own petty anxieties and common joys for comprehension; she eluded understanding. I wondered how she had grown into this identity, what thoughts went through her mind, how much of what I saw was real. Her entire personality seemed like a dream.
I’m well aware that I’m manic pixie dream girl-ing her from start to finish; even back then I knew very well that the Celeste-construction in my head was merely my selective interpretation of what she projected to the world. But I reasoned that it was harmless, since it was all in my head. What makes me feel more guilty, is that I know the current, 2020 Celeste would likely be horrified if she ever stumbled across this. Her and her great struggle with being looked at and evaluated, her impassioned revolts against the unforgiving bounds of beauty. What violation would she feel if she saw me picking her apart, analysing her younger self in such excruciating detail? (On the other hand… perhaps the exhibitionist in her would enjoy the attention. I don’t know - I never properly knew her and I still don’t.) Now I recognise that she struggled intensely back then with body image and self-esteem and mental health in general — but at the time I knew only to be entranced, not empathetic.  
When I step back and look at it, actually, it’s strange the manner in which I viewed her. Because in a school as small as ours, I had many friends who knew her personally. I mean, we were in the same damn school — she wasn’t that far off at all. Also, it wasn’t precisely a secret that I thought she was cool, because she was sure to come up in rabid gossip sessions; she was considered “high profile” in our school, and in my defence, I wasn’t the only one who pondered and speculated about her life and her relationships (she briefly dated a boy in our level, a well-muscled good-looking jock-type, who was as obscenely rich and distastefully boyish as one could get — it perplexed me how someone like her could be attracted to someone like him — but that’s a story for another time).
A friend, Gina, once interrupted me when I mentioned Celeste’s unblemished complexion (while bemoaning my own persistent outbreaks) — “Celeste? No way. Her skin is quite bad leh.” Gina, always flippant and unabashed, and who was a classmate of Celeste’s, seemed keen to correct me. “She has a lot of pimples on her forehead. But in photos you can’t tell because of the concealer.” I took this in for a second, with brief wonderment. With just that, she had inched closer to reality.
The last degree of separation between us dissipated come year 1 of junior college, when we ended up in the same H1 Chinese class. It was a small class, only 7 students, all of us having had failed our Chinese O-Levels (haha). She sat at one side of the classroom with her classmates, and I sat at the other with mine. Our two groups didn’t mix, and there was no need to. No one really listened or participated in class anyway. It was H1 Chinese. By that time I was no longer as enamoured of her as I’d previously been, but it was still a thrill to be in the same room, to listen to her reply Chen Laoshi (a grumbling man of retirement age, balding and constantly sweating or complaining about the school management) in stilted mandarin when called upon. Her voice was husky, sounding like it did in the acoustic covers she posted online (by then she had added singing to her repertoire of talents).
One lesson, Chen Laoshi, exasperated by our unresponsiveness, shuffled us around and made us discuss a news article. I ended up paired with Celeste — we exchanged awkward smiles before going about perusing the passage in silence. All of a sudden, I felt distinctly embarrassed to be in her presence. I became conscious of how the waistband of my skirt dug into my stomach, and how my blouse was sack-like and sloppy, and the way baby hairs sprung straight upwards from my hairline no matter how I tried to pin them down. I squirmed internally considering the unattractive largeness of my round, sweaty face next to her fine-boned features. She was, and I was sure of it in that instant, too pretty not to be cruel. But when she finally spoke (in English) to ask me what the last sentence of the article meant — her voice, though American-accented, had an undoubtedly Singaporean accent. She had seemed so beyond my ken, but when the words “lah” and “leh” came out of her mouth, I was shocked to realise that somehow she was just another girl. Illusion dispelled — I gathered myself, and replied that I thought it was trying to say that, despite seeming advances in Singapore’s conservation practices, there was still a long way to go before the nation as a whole really embraced the spirit of sustainability.  
(this is so fucking long I’m dying omg kjfhafhalsf I have no idea how to end this. how did what I intended to be a brief character sketch turn into such a sprawling mess…. but still posting it NOW bc I just want to be done with it lmao. TO BE EDITED/COMPLETED, mayhaps)
(27.01.20)
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shitfics · 8 years ago
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One of These Nights (4/?); jongyu; pg
Jinki knows that he’s gay. What he doesn’t know is how to handle a crush on someone as entwined in the music industry as he is.
part 1 - part 2 - part 3
and here’s part 4! ^^ i’ll try and get this whole fic up on ao3 sometime soon as well. this part goes through hello era, up to swc 1, and ends with jongyu having to say some goodbyes for a while since shinee is beginning their japanese debut (2011).
also, fun note maybe: i imagine that in this au, jong got the inspiration for one of his early songs from the last scene -- i kinda wonder if it’s obvious which one, but hopefully y’all can enjoy it! there might be a bigger gap between this part and the next than there was between 3 and 4, because i haven’t started editing the next bit yet. ^^; but i’ll try to keep it MUCH shorter than the gap between 2 and 3 was, lmao.
***
Jinki can’t decide if he has the best luck in the world, or the worst.
The next time he goes to see Jonghyun, it's ten past ten at night, and Jonghyun isn't answering his door. Jinki sends another text message and stretches out his back, opening up a random phone game and prepares himself for a wait.
Two levels later, when the door finally opens, Jinki looks up from his phone, eyes going wide. His greeting is stuck in his throat, somewhere between the realization that Jonghyun is shirtless and the realization Jonghyun is wet.
"Sorry, I haven't finished getting ready yet," Jonghyun smiles, inviting Jinki inside. "I found a good melody, and I got caught up writing, and then I was humming the song to myself in the shower, and--"
"It's fine, hyung, I’m used to it." Jinki steps past him quickly. His nerves prickle at the extra warmth radiating off of Jonghyun's bare skin from the shower. He's always wondered if he'd catch Jonghyun half undressed, considering he’s usually behind schedule, but he hadn't expected it to be today -- or for him to be so far behind that he was only wearing a towel.
In an attempt to imitate his usual actions, Jinki takes a seat on the couch and leans over the coffee table, pretending to be interested in the new stack of books -- anything to avoid looking up.  "How, uh -- how long do you think till you're ready?"
"Not long." Jonghyun trots in front of him, foiling Jinki’s plan to avoid looking at him, and glances down at the books. "Do you want to borrow one of these?"
Jinki grins stiffly. "No thanks. I can a probably read a few while you finish getting ready."
"I won't be that long." Jonghyun rolls his eyes and throws the towel from his hands over his head. "I just have to dry my hair and get dressed."
Jinki's eyes snap to the movement as if pulled by a string, face heating at every flex of Jonghyun's torso as he rubs at his hair. He tries to keep his attention up, on Jonghyun's face, or the little mole that rests between his collarbones, but the trail of dark hair leading from Jonghyun's stomach to the towel around his hips keeps pulling it downwards.
Jinki clears his throat and forces himself to look up, only to flush brightly when his eyes meet Jonghyun’s. He jumps for the first excuse he can think of for staring. "How is it that you work out more than I do, when I'm an idol?"
Jonghyun laughs, a pleased smile on his lips. "You're dancing all the time, you don't need to."
"Yeah, but that's cardio. You obviously lift, which I haven't really done much." Jinki sighs. "And Minho's convinced they'll want us to go shirtless for our next concept. I don't think I'll do it, but I'll still probably show my arms and shoulders more..."
"Hm." Jonghyun's eyes scan down Jinki's body. "You already have a good build right now."
Jinki flushes. "You think so?"
"Yeah," Jonghyun says. "I mean, if you're worried, you could always come work out with me -- I've been skipping way too many days to hang out with you since your rehearsals have started slowing down."
Jinki laughs. "I’ll think about it -- I’m just not sure I’d want to spend the time. I enjoy doing nothing too much."
"It's nice, isn't it?" Jonghyun grins. "Let me get dressed so we can get to drinking and doing nothing."
Jonghyun clutches his towel to keep it from falling as he walks back towards his room. Before he slips inside, he gestures for Jinki to follow, apparently not wanting to end their conversation. Jinki stops, hesitating at the threshold of the door until laughs. "You can come in, I’ll be dressing in the bathroom. There's nothing in here but my clothes and a bed."
That's the problem, Jinki thinks when he steps inside. My imagination has been bad enough without the details.
Even with that in mind, Jinki can’t help but look around the room while Jonghyun files through his closet. At least it keeps him from staring at Jonghyun while he’s shirtless.
The walls of Jonghyun’s room are dark, and the furniture is modern, the same simple mix of white and black that Jonghyun had used to decorate the rest of his apartment. An assortment of candles rests along the shaded window, with a select few placed on a small bedside table and the small set of dressers opposite the bed. If it were anyone else's room, Jinki might snicker at the deliberate sensuousness of the decorations, but in Jonghyun's, it just makes him smile as he imagines Jonghyun humming to himself as he pens new lyrics in the candlelight.
"Sorry again for making you wait," Jonghyun says, interrupting the image when he turns away from the closet back to Jinki. He throws a pair of jeans and a shirt over his shoulder and retreats to the bathroom. "I'll be right back, just have to put clothes on."
"Sure," Jinki says, throat tight as he watches Jonghyun leave.
The door clicks behind him, and he looks away from it quickly, unable to face it when he knows Jonghyun would be naked behind it.
He turns back to the rest of the bedroom. With Jonghyun no longer the center of his attention, Jinki's focus automatically shifts to the single point of color in the room, a large but simply composed photo resting on the mantle above the faux fireplace. The sunset shade of orange that predominates the image adds to the relaxing atmosphere of the room, but the subject of the photograph makes Jinki's heart race.  
The picture is nearly close enough for Jinki to touch, but he has to do a double take of the image to believe what he sees -- the frame is predominated by the bare back of a shirtless man, resting on his elbow as he looks at what appears to be another topless man opposite him. After looking over his shoulder to make sure Jonghyun hasn't left the bathroom yet, Jinki steps closer to the picture and squints at the corner to read what he assumes to be a title: boys.
Jinki swallows. His English isn't the best, but he can understand that. His thoughts race ahead of him. Did the picture mean something? There’s hoping, and there’s being desperate, but...an image like that isn’t the kind of photograph he would expect to find as a centerpiece in a straight man's bedroom.
Jinki jumps away from the piece when the bathroom door swings open, turning quickly to Jonghyun and putting on an innocent smile -- he hopes he doesn't look guilty.
Jonghyun grins back at him. "I told you I wouldn't take long, but I decided to wear my contacts today, and that was a bit of a struggle. You all ready to go?"
Jinki nods absently, still preoccupied with his thoughts.
"Let's go then, I don't want to miss getting a good table." Jonghyun walks backwards toward the door, pointing at Jinki in challenge. "I'm going to beat you at billiards tonight, you should watch out."
Jinki shoves Jonghyun's shoulder, sending him stumbling. Falling back into their usual teasing should keep from thinking any longer about the photograph on the mantle. But when Jonghyun asks him to shut the door behind him, he steals one last glance, pausing to take imprint the bare shoulders of the boys into his memory.
It doesn’t feel real. He can't shake the feeling that tomorrow he'll doubt he saw it at all.
***
realjonghyun85: Hello~ Hello~
majingki: ...Hyung
majingki: How long are you going to use that joke TT
realjonghyun85: Until you make me stop!!
majingki: Well, I couldn't do that to you he he
majingki: I'm too happy you like the song that much ^^
majingki: You've played it a few times on Blue Night already, right?
realjonghyun85: Of course I've played it!!
realjonghyun85: My songs are still on that album too...
realjonghyun85: Promoting it benefits us both he he
majingki: You're so greedy hyung
realjonghyun85: Only because I want to buy you meals~
realjonghyun85: But you know I'm playing
majingki: I can always tell ^^
majingki: How are you hyung?
majingki: I've barely gotten to talk to you since our repackage promotions started TT
majingki: I miss you
realjonghyun85: I’m good
realjonghyun85: And I've missed you too Jinki-yah
realjonghyun85: But you’re nearly done, right?
realjonghyun85: So we can meet more? ^^
majingki: Yeah we’re nearly done with our repackage
majingki: But I'm actually still kind of busy TT
realjonghyun85: Oh?
majingki: We're preparing something big...
majingki: I'm really excited for it
reajonghyun85: Something big?
realjonghyun85: Why are you being so vague...
realjonghyun85: Are you going to tell me what it is???
majingki: Hm...
majingki: Not sure
realjonghyun85: Jinki-yah TT
realjonghyun85: Please?
majingki: No ^^
realjonghyun85: You can't just leave me hanging like that TT
realjonghyun85: You have to tell me!
majingki: Of course I'll tell you eventually
majingki: But I'd rather tell you in person
majingki: I want to see your face when I do~
realjonghyun85: Hmph, fine TT
realjonghyun85: I'll wait till then
realjonghyun85: But I'm not buying you anything until you tell me what it is!
majingki: Really hyung ... you would blackmail me like that? TT
realjonghyun85: It's not blackmail, it's incentive
realjonghyun85: So you should tell me whatever it is the first time we meet again ^^
realjonghyun85: You want something delicious?
realjonghyun85: You're hungry after your promotions, right? How about steak?
majingki: Fine hyung ... I’ll tell you right away when I see you
majingki: Let's meet soon
majingki: I really do want to tell you ^^
***
"You’re having a concert?" Jonghyun blinks at him, excitement already bubbling through from under his shock. "Seriously? SHINee’s first concert?"
"Our first concert," Jinki repeats with a grin, leaning over the table to whisper. "The first show will be in Japan, the day after Christmas."
"In Japan?" Jonghyun's eyes widen as he takes in the information. "Not here?"
"I don't really get it myself." Jinki shrugs and sits back in his seat. "I'm sure some people aren't going to like it, but I guess it kind of makes sense. We're launching our Japanese debut right after, and it's a good way to start things off."
"Mm." Jonghyun's finger runs a slow circle around his drink. "I keep forgetting that's coming up...or I'm trying to forget about it." Jonghyun sighs. "Even though you're usually busy, I've gotten used to having you around, you know? I don’t know what I’ll do with myself."
"Yeah," Jinki agrees in a quiet mumble. The excited buzz that had carried between them dampens, and Jinki watches glumly as Jonghyun traces his eyes absently around the restaurant. The pessimistic part of him is already convinced that leaving will put Jonghyun in the perfect position to find a girlfriend. Spending nearly a year away from home for their new Japanese promotions would be hard enough without that worry hanging over his head.
Thankfully, Jonghyun cuts the silence short. "Come on, let's not make this sad just because of what will come after -- you brought good news. Your first concert! Am I going to have to fight for tickets, or are you going to get me some?"
Jinki tilts his head, confused. "Tickets...for the concert in Japan?"
"I can afford to go," Jonghyun says with a shrug. "I'll just fly out and book a hotel for the weekend. Unless you'd rather me not?"
"No, it's not that. We're just having Seoul concerts a few days later, and those would be easier for you to get to."
"But the one in Japan is special, isn't it?" Jonghyun grins. "I figured you'd be having one here too, but I'd rather go to your first."
Jinki smiles. He doesn't want to encourage Jonghyun to spend that kind of money, but he's having a hard time hiding that he's pleased. "You're sure, hyung?"
"I'm really sure." Jonghyun reaches over the table to squeeze his shoulder. "Besides, I have a new reputation as a fan to maintain."
Jinki raises an eyebrow. "You're really getting invested in that, huh?"
"Of course," Jonghyun says. He leans forward, looking around the near-empty bar before he switches his voice to a dramatic whisper. "So, about getting a ticket..."
"I'll get you one, I promise." Jinki pushes him back with a wide grin. "You'll just have to worry about getting there."
***
Exhaustion weighs on Jinki’s bones the moment he opens his eyes to his blaring phone alarm. His knees are still protesting from the test of their stage entrance, and his arms are sore from the fall he had to break when someone had left a cord in a dark corner of the stage -- but it's not enough to keep him buried under the covers. The excitement of the upcoming concert takes the edge off his aches, and the knowledge that Jonghyun would be meeting him that morning has him jump out of bed to claim the shower before Kibum can even grab his toiletry bag.
After a quick rinse-off, Jinki rushes through drying his hair and doesn’t bother to style it with more than a brief comb-through. That would be taken care of by professionals later, anyways, and he doesn’t want to missing a minute with Jonghyun. He needs to make the most of the time he has left with Jonghyun before the months where his schedule will force them apart.
Jinki takes the elevator down the ground floor and steals a bench in the lobby. His leg bounces impatiently as he waits. A variety of guests filter in and out from the doors at the entrance, smiles and travel-worn frowns peaking out over their high collars and bundled scarfs that protect them from the chilly weather. Gusts of wind slip inside to his seat on the bench, and he shivers, readjusting his jacket as he peers out at the crowds. Jonghyun had said he'd get here about now...
A familiar leather jacket catches his eye, and he stands up, squinting through the small crowd at the entrance until he recognizes Jonghyun. When their eyes meet, Jonghyun’s lips pull into a grin. He pushes through the crowd, rushing meet Jinki at the bench, and stops just in front of him to catch his breath. "See? Told you I'd make it."
"I never doubted that you’d show."  Jinki pulls Jonghyun into a hug. When he starts to pull back, he sees that the bags under Jonghyun's eyes are deeper than ever, and he can’t resist chastising him. "You didn't sleep at all, did you, hyung? You just stayed up all night before your flight."
Jonghyun shrugs. "I'll have plenty of time to sleep today while you're busy with rehearsals. I love Tokyo, but I've been here enough that I don't need to do sightseeing anymore."
"If you say so," Jinki says. He narrows his eyes when Jonghyun covers a yawn against his shoulder before stepping out of his arms. "...Just try not to fall asleep over breakfast, alright?"
"I won't, trust me! I'm starving. And I'm craving pancakes." Jonghyun fixes his bag over his shoulder and peers around the lobby. "Do you know where the restaurant is? They should have pancakes there...I did some research on the trip over."
"Yeah, we ate there last night -- I'll lead you there," Jinki says, eager to get out of the crowded lobby and sit so they can talk properly. Grabbing Jonghyun by the elbow, he steers him towards the restaurant, keeping his head down when they weave around the gathering bundle of travelers by the check out desk. He'd been so preoccupied with the thought of meeting Jonghyun he'd forgotten how public a hotel lobby could be, and he doesn't want to risk running into a group of fans without a translator to turn them away kindly.
Thankfully, they reach the restaurant without interference, and Jinki greets the waitress with his name and the time of the reservation he had booked last night.
"Wow, you planned ahead." Jonghyun's eyes crinkle in amusement, and he nods at where Jinki's fingers are still wrapped around his sleeve. "That excited to have me here, huh?"
Jinki snaps his hand back quickly, but can’t fight the flush that blooms on his cheeks. He doesn’t know why, but something about seeing Jonghyun in a new place is making it harder to keep his feelings in check and his hands to himself. His balance is thrown off, and in the lobby of the foreign hotel, the only tether to his usual life in Seoul is the pleasant buzz in his chest when he looks at Jonghyun. It's hard not to cling to that.
Now overly conscious of his movements, Jinki makes sure to leave extra space behind Jonghyun when he follows him to their seats. Jonghyun is his friend, and nothing more, so he needs to act like it -- he doesn't have liquor as an excuse this time, and he doesn’t want to ruin the memories of his first concert for a feeling he's already gotten used to ignoring.
But at the first smile Jonghyun gives him from across the table, Jinki's resolve weakens, and he smiles back despite the pinch it causes his heart.
After the waitress takes their orders, he places his hand near Jonghyun's to make sure he has his attention. "Thank you for coming to our concert. You know I wouldn't mind if you went to the one in Seoul instead, but you still came all this way...it means a lot."
"I wouldn't want to miss your group's first solo concert, Jinki-yah. It's worth it to me." Jonghyun leans forward and raises a brow. "And besides, I’ve heard rumors that you'll be singing some of my songs."
Jinki huffs and props up in front of his face to keep Jonghyun from reading his expression. "I'm not telling you anything, hyung. I want all the songs to be a surprise -- it'll be more exciting that way."
With a single finger, Jonghyun reaches across the table and tips down the front of Jinki's menu to stare at him until he's forced to look away to keep from laughing. Jonghyun grins victoriously. "Yeah, I can tell you're doing a song or two of mine. You're horrible at keeping things a secret."
"I’d say I’m good at it, actually." Jinki snaps his menu back up to hide his smile. Though Jonghyun probably expects that them to do one of the ballads he wrote for their last album -- and they were -- he probably wouldn't expect Jinki's solo song to be a cover of a song he wrote for a different artist years ago. That was going to be a surprise, he's sure.
The waitress returns a short moment later with their drinks and pancakes, and Jonghyun thanks her briefly. "How are you enjoying Japan? Are all the concert preparations going well?"
"We haven't really gotten to see much of Japan yet, we’re too busy," Jinki says. "And rehearsals are exhausting, but I’m not really noticing it as much as I thought I would. I'm too excited we're finally having a concert. I'm more bothered at spending Christmas night alone for another year...they always plan things right around it. I’d like to at least go see some lights or get a cake."
"You won't be alone though, right?" Jonghyun asks, plopping the strawberry perched atop his pancake into his mouth. "You'll probably still be rehearsing with your members."
"Yeah, I guess." Jinki frowns as he drenches his pancake in syrup. "But that's pretty much the same thing as spending it alone, you know?"
Jonghyun snickers. "Really? Spending Christmas with four handsome men can't be that bad, can it?"
Jinki freezes with his fork in his mouth. He stares at Jonghyun, then glances away, trying not to look uncomfortable as he hurries to finish chewing. It’s a joke, he knows -- Jonghyun had laughed while saying it -- but his pulse is still racing at the mere possibility that some part of him had given his sexuality away.
"Sorry, that was a bad joke, wasn’t it?” Jonghyun covers his mouth with his hand and clears his throat. “I shouldn’t try and be funny when I'm really tired. And the last person I talked to was my sister, and you know I have no filter around her."
"It's fine." Jinki shrugs, trying not to read too much into the wording of Jonghyun's apology. “I'm not offended."
Jonghyun looks up from his plate, stare suddenly serious. "You're really not?"
"Not at all." Jinki fiddles with his napkin in his lap to avoid Jonghyun's gaze. It's irrational, he knows, but he's afraid if Jonghyun looks at him for too long he'll realize the flush on the back of his neck is because the joke hit a little too close to home. Everything about the way Jonghyun had said his last question made it sound like a test.
Jinki fumbles for a change of subject. "So, hyung...you're heading back to Seoul right after the concert?"
"Yeah, the morning after." Jonghyun sighs. "I won't be able to go to your concert there, unfortunately. It cuts too close to Blue Night, and we're doing a New Year's special, and I have to do it live."
"That's fine, hyung. You coming here is more than enough. But you're at least coming to the afterparty, right?"
Jonghyun blinks. "Am I allowed to?"
"Of course you are! I’m inviting you." Jinki smiles. "I already told them I'd have a friend coming. My parents are going to the Seoul concert, so it really isn't a problem."
"I'll be there, then.” Jonghyun grins. “I can't stay too late, but I don't want to miss seeing you all excited after your concert...I'm sure that'll be fun."
***
Somehow, the lights in the hallways backstage feel brighter than the ones they had performed under. Jinki blinks away his last image of the crowd as he tries to adjust to the glaring white walls and drags a sniffling Kibum along with him back to the dressing room. 
After bowing at a dozen staff members, they finally reach the quiet room, and Jinki pulls the rag out of his pocket to dab at the the tears still on Kibum’s cheeks. "You going to be alright, Kibum? Don't cry too hard, we have to sing again in a few days."
"I'm fine...just happy we made it here." Kibum laughs and wipes at his eyes. "Shit, I hate crying like this."
"We deserve to get a little teary." Jinki squeezes his shoulder. "Better to get it out now than when we're celebrating."
"Yeah. I still can't believe we--" Kibum yelps when Minho and Jino suddenly surge up behind him with linked arms and grapple him until he's forced into the middle of their hug. With little luck, he tries to squirm out of it, but only manages to pop his head up from between them with a scowl. "What the hell is your problem?"
"You're crying so much, we wanted to comfort you." Kibum's expression softens slightly, and Minho lets him go with a grin. "We're going to sneak out the back soon with the managers. They already reserved that restaurant for us, so we just have to get in the van."
"It's gonna be great." Jino swings out of their huddle, but keeps one arm around Minho's waist. "We're going to drink so much."
"Hopefully." Jinki pulls out his phone and immediately pulls up his chat with Jonghyun. "We’re going to the same restaurant they were talking about last night, right? I wanted to invite Jonghyun along with us."
"Yeah, it's that one." Jino leans towards Jinki's phone to try and get a peak of his screen, but gives up when Jinki tilts it away. He sighs. "I still can't believe he came out all the way to Japan for our show, even if we are doing some of his songs. How'd you get him to do that?"
"You know we're friends...it’s not like I had to drag him here or anything," Jinki says, trying not to flush. "Working with SM just opened up a lot of opportunities for him, so probably means a lot to him that we were doing his songs live."
"Well, we'll sing them again for him once we're drunk. He'll never get a show like that in our concerts."
Jinki rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore that comment when he hears a ping from his phone to let him know that Jonghyun has responded. With the verification that Jonghyun will meet him there shortly, he tucks his phone away and allows the other members to drag him away to the van. 
As the adrenaline of their concert fades from his system on the ride to the restaurant, his nerves take over, and a part of him begins to worry that Jonghyun hadn’t yet given his opinion of the concert for a reason. What if he didn’t like the arrangement they’d used of his songs? Or thought Jinki breathed in the wrong parts? Or that his voice was too warm for the old song he’d chosen? 
By the time they arrive, Jinki’s palms are sweating, and he grabs the first seat he sees that will give him a good view of the entrance. Taemin sits next to him and chatters away, apparently not noticing Jinki’s nerves or the fact he keeps one eye on the door, but his presence is comforting enough that when Jonghyun finally arrives, Jinki manages to greet him with a smile.
Jonghyun pulls off his hat and gives him a small wave, then circles his way around the table to say hello to the other members and staff. After finishing his last introduction, he pushes his way back to Jinki to squeeze into the seat across him. "Looks like everyone already got started with the drinking, huh?"
"Most of us, yeah." Jinki reaches for the nearest bottle. "You want me to pour you one, hyung?"
"Sure, thanks." Jonghyun unwraps his scarf and pulls off his jacket. "Hopefully it'll warm me up. It’s about to snow outside, I can feel it."
"It'll help." Jinki keeps his eyes on the cup as he pours out the drink, still nervous -- Jonghyun still hasn't said a word about the concert. When Jonghyun’s fingers brush against his as he takes the cup, his stomach does an extra flip, and he finally meets Jonghyun’s eyes with a heated flush across his cheeks.
"Sorry for not talking about the concert yet, I wanted to wait to see you in person--" Jonghyun turns his head to take the drink in one quick swallow, then sets down the empty cup and grins widely. "You were amazing. The whole concert was incredible. I might have cried a little, at the end...and when you did my song. You didn't warn me about that."
Jinki shrugs, trying to play it off, and refills his glass for him. "I figured you'd know, since it was one of the ballads, and you already guessed that we’d be doing it."
"I expected you to sing one of my songs from the last album, yeah -- and you did really well at that -- but you know I mean the one you did for your solo. Why didn’t you tell me?"
"Oh, that one..." Jinki bites his lip. He's been anxious to hear Jonghyun's reaction to that one the most. "Did I pull it off well?"
"I loved it." Jonghyun beams at him. "I really never imagined you singing Love Belt, since I wrote it before I thought I had a shot at working with SM artists, but it was a perfect fit for your voice. You should have asked me before using it, though."
"Why? Are you going to sue me for it, hyung?" Jinki teases.
Jonghyun laughs. "No, of course not. I'm honored you did it. I just wish you had given me the chance to make a special arrangement for you.”
"Next time, maybe?"  Jinki smiles, heart fluttering when their gazes lock, but his attention bounces quickly back to the table when he sees his drink move. He frowns at the hand on the glass, recognizing it as Taemin’s, and pushes it back.  "Really, Taemin? You're going to steal my drink while I’m distracted?"
"If you're not going to drink it, I don't see why I can't," Taemin says. "You let me drink back at home sometimes."
"Yeah, but that's different -- we’re in a different country right now. I don't want to start our Japanese debut with a drinking scandal," Jinki says, fully aware that Jonghyun's watching the exchange. He's not sure if the amused smile Jonghyun's wearing is for him, or for Taemin, but seeing it softens him up -- it probably wouldn’t hurt if he let Taemin drink a little.
Jinki sighs and pushes the glass a subtle inch over towards Taemin. "I changed my mind -- you can have some. Just don’t make yourself sick."
"I won't." Taemin grabs the glass with a grin. After turning his head to drink, he sets the now-empty glass on the table with a loud clink and coughs, mouth staying open as his face puckers from the bitter taste.
When Jonghyun laughs, Jinki grimaces, already regretting his decision. "Please don’t drink at that rate. You’ll definitely get sick."
"I'm just trying to catch up with everyone else." Taemin huffs. "I drink almost as well as you do."
Jinki rolls his eyes, but decides not to dignify that with a response. He doesn't want to open up a chance for Jonghyun to talk about the times he hasn't handled his liquor as well as he'd promised. As if reading his thoughts, Jonghyun smiles at him knowingly from across the table and pushes his own glass towards Taemin. "Here, you can have mine too. I just realized I probably shouldn’t have much since I have an early flight tomorrow."
Taemin smiles, voice as polite as he can seem as he snatches up the glass before Jonghyun can change his mind. "Thank you, Jonghyun-ssi."
Jonghyun shakes his head. “You don’t need to be formal, since I’m close to Jinki. You can call me hyung."
A spike of jealousy stabs at Jinki’s gut. He pushes his foot against Jonghyun's under the table. "Hyung, do you want to go outside?"
A shout as Minho bests yet another manager at arm-wrestling snaps Jonghyun's attention away from him just as he blurts out his question. He blinks widely, then turns back to Jinki with an apologetic smile on his lips. "Sorry, what were you saying? It's a bit hard to hear."
Jinki flushes. Somehow having to repeat himself makes asking Jonghyun for a moment alone seem more serious than he had meant it to be. "I was wondering if you want to head outside for a bit? I know it's pretty loud in here, and I kind of want to see the city..."
"That sounds good." Jonghyun looks at him warmly and reaches back to grab his jacket. "A walk would be nice, and we can grab some street food. I'll slip out ahead of you."
Nodding in agreement, Jinki mumbles an excuse about the restroom to his manager and grabs his own jacket and scarf. Bundling them until he can hide them behind his back, he waits for the clamor on the other end of the table to distract the last of their managers before slipping outside.
When Jinki opens the door and steps outside, Jonghyun looks up from tugging on his gloves. "Not bringing anyone else?"
"No..." Jinki trails off shyly and begins to put on his jacket. "I kind of wanted some time alone."
Jonghyun laughs and steps away from entrance, putting them out of view from the inside. "A little tired of your members?"
"A bit, and I'll be stuck with them for the next few months." Jinki grins guiltily. "I've had enough of them in the past few days alone.”
"I can imagine, with rehearsals and everything. But it paid off, didn’t it? Your concert was incredible."
"You've said that already." Jinki laughs laughs as he pulls up his face mask.
"It's worth repeating." Jonghyun begins to walk, leading the way down the street towards a long line of food stalls. "It was really nice to hear you all sing the song I wrote live."
"You've said that already too, when we were in the restaurant with Taemin."
"Yeah, well -- I wrote it with your voice in mind, and you're my friend. So it means a little more just saying it to you."
Jinki stops in the middle of the sidewalk. "You wrote it for my voice?"
"I mean -- I considered the other members too," Jonghyun waves his hands defensively as he corrects his statement. "But you have a really distinct color to your voice, you know? It makes sense to focus on that when composing. Haven't I said that before?"
"Kind of, I guess," Jinki mumbles. "Maybe I'm just processing it differently because I'm drunk..."
Jonghyun laughs and wraps an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him tight enough for Jinki to feel it even through the thick wool of his jacket. "I know you're not that drunk, Jinki-yah -- you didn’t drink at all after I got there, and your tolerance is way too high for you have gotten drunk before I did."
“Maybe.” Jinki leans into the warmth of the contact just before Jonghyun lets go and sighs. He wishes he had gotten to drink more before they left, but he didn't trust himself to mix post-concert adrenaline and alcohol around Jonghyun -- considering they were alone now, he probably would have wound up doing something stupid.
"Is there anything you want to try?”  Jonghyun says, interrupting his thoughts. “I'll buy you something, since your managers covered all the food in the restaurant. I think you'll really like yakitori."
"Funny, hyung." Jinki rolls his eyes. "I know that's chicken."
"Well, do you want it or not?"
Jinki bites his lip and looks into the small little alley. Even out here, he can smell the food, which is more than tempting -- he'd only managed to get down small one plate of appetizers at the bar before he had jumped at the chance to sneak away with Jonghyun.
Jonghyun already looks triumphant before he opens his mouth, and Jinki sighs, knowing he's only adding to the long list of times he's chosen his favorite food over trying anything radically new. "That sounds good, hyung. You lead the way."
"I thought so." Jonghyun bumps his shoulder against Jinki's before stepping into the alleyway. As he walks ahead, he hums the last song from the concert, and there’s a small smile on his lips when he ends it just as they arrive to the food stall.
Inside the tarped entrance, there's not much room for space between them. The heat from the grill makes Jinki sweat under his bundled clothing the moment they step inside, but it's a welcome relief from the chill of outdoors. Jonghyun orders for them both smoothly in Japanese and pays, nodding politely and passing over his change when the cook hands them their plates.
Jinki waits until Jonghyun passes him the skewers to switch back to Korean. "You speak Japanese, hyung?"
"Just enough to get around," Jonghyun says, smiling widely at Jinki's shocked expression and picks up a skewer for himself and pulls a small piece of the chicken from the skewer with his teeth. "I’m not fluent enough to write lyrics in Japanese, but I can sell my songs here."
"You could have helped me with some of it before I came here. You know how bad I am with languages..."
Jonghyun laughs, covering his mouth. "Would you really want to spend our time doing that? Instead of drinking and everything else?"
"I guess not," Jinki admits. He pouts until Jonghyun gives a nudge that lingers long enough to feel more like he’s being leaned on.
His heart flutters light in his chest when Jonghyun finally pulls back to smile at him. He doesn't think Jonghyun had anything to drink -- he hadn't seen him order a single beer -- but this is touchier than he usually is sober, and it only makes him want more. Jinki takes advantage of the cramped space to press their knees together under the counter as they finish off their meal, and Jonghyun seems to accept that, because there’s a hand on his knee a minute later that feels warm enough to burn his skin all the way up to his cheeks.
There's no excuse to linger after their plates are taken back from them, but Jinki is reluctant to give up the contact. He keeps himself close to Jonghyun when they finally squeeze out of the stall and back into the alley, and his fingers dance nervously in his pocket when they turn onto the street and he stays just as close, shoulder half-brushing against Jonghyun with every step. He waits for a question, or for Jonghyun to move into the new space in the sidewalk, but all he gets is shy smile that strikes him quiet as they continue to back out to the street.
Neither of them mention heading back. Jonghyun walks them in circles around the same two blocks, humming an unfamiliar melody that Jinki assumes is a work in progress. There’s words stuck in Jinki’s throat -- words he can’t say, like how Jonghyun’s hair looks beautiful in the mix of moon and street lights, and words he can, like how much he’ll miss him and how he’ll text him often -- but there’s not nearly enough need to express them to force them past his throat.
All they'll have over the next few months is talking to each other, and what he'll miss the most is the simple presence of Jonghyun besides him. He has that now, and he doesn’t want to disturb it.
When a snowflake lands on his nose, leaving it cold and wet, Jinki stops. He reaches up to feel his hat, yanking his hand away when he feels that some of the knit is already damp. "How long has it been snowing? I somehow didn't realize..."
"Damn, is it? I wanted to stay out a little more." Jonghyun looks up at the sky and sighs. "I guess we should take you back to the restaurant, then...I don't want you getting sick before the Seoul concerts."
Jinki buries his face down in his scarf, hiding a frown. He wants to argue that he'll be fine, but he already knows he wouldn't win -- Jonghyun is too much of a worrier to let him risk his voice for a few extra minutes together. He exhales loudly in annoyance. "Do you remember the way back?"
"Yeah, I led us around the same routes for a reason," Jonghyun says. "I know how easily I can get lost."
They head backwards along the same path they’d been traced several times now, until Jonghyun changes a single turn to bring them back to the restaurant.
“Here it is.” Jonghyun says. He pulls his phone out his pocket and dials a number. "You can head inside, I'm calling a cab to take me back to my hotel. It shouldn’t be too long of a wait."
"No, I don't want you waiting out here alone," Jinki says. He crosses his arms and joins Jonghyun by the curbside. "It’s too late for me to just leave you here."
Jonghyun opens his mouth to protest, but decides against it when the service he’d been calling finally picks up. After giving his current location and the name of his hotel, he hangs up the phone and sighs. "If you insist on staying with me, I won’t stop you. Just go inside if your throat starts hurting, okay?."
"Sure, hyung," Jinki agrees, attention already on the street.
At every cab that passes, Jinki’s heart clenches, expecting each to be the one that will take Jonghyun away from him for the night. When he finally takes his eyes away from the traffic to glance at Jonghyun, he freezes, caught off guard.
There’s an expectant look to Jonghyun. Judging by the fact his eyes didn’t have to move at all to meet Jinki’s, he must have already been staring, and his lips are pursed, hands shoved fully into his pockets as he blinks away the snow dusting in his eyelashes.
He smiles warmly, half-shy, and Jinki smiles back. Jinki’s stomach flutters with hope -- he’s never seen Jonghyun smile quite like that before -- but it twists into a bitter knot before he can even think to do something with the emotion.
He tears his eyes away, biting his lip as he tries to gather himself again.
If he were a girl, he wouldn't hesitate to confess to Jonghyun, and he's even considering it still -- it's heavy on his tongue, held back only by a fear of what he might lose if he says them -- but he can’t say a thing.
He forces himself to meet Jonghyun’s eyes again, and this time, the smile Jonghyun gives him is stiff.
Jinki’s heart tightens again, and he tries to console himself with what he already has. At least he can enjoy the longing. At least he’s able to stand two-feet away from the man that makes him consider the possibility of risking his career.
At least he doesn’t have to worry about rejected, since he’ll never try.
He’s pulled away from his thoughts when Jonghyun inhales sharply and rocks back on his heels. "So, uh -- how long till I see you again?"
"We'll be back for our Seoul concerts, and I'm staying with my family for a bit." Jinki says. He looks down at Jonghyun's feet as he kicks them against the sidewalk. "But then we have recordings, and photoshoots, and interviews...a bunch of performances, too. It's kind of like we’re debuting all over again, so we’ll be busy."
“Ah.” Jonghyun bites his lip. "It'll really be a while till you’re back then, huh?"
Jinki nods. He's tried not to think about it or put it into numbers -- he hasn’t wanted to imagine going so long without seeing Jonghyun in person, and he hasn’t wanted to imagine what Jonghyun might do with his time instead -- but it really will be months.
A taxi pulls up besides the curb. Jinki’s heart stops. And suddenly, there’s arms around him, and he’s being squeezed from all sides as Jonghyun wraps around him in a tight embrace.
"You keep reading, alright? Don't forget the books I brought you. I’ll send you more if you get through them."
Jinki laughs, grinning wide to keep himself from tearing up. "Yes, teacher."
"Don't be a smart ass," Jonghyun grumbles. He pulls back and forces out a smile as his hands linger on Jinki’s arms. "I'm going to miss you."
"Me too," Jinki chokes out. He doesn’t trust himself with more words when Jonghyun's eyes are already brimming.
Jonghyun lets go, and steps into the open door of the cab.
"It'll only be a few months," Jinki says, hoping to lift the heaviness already weighing down on his chest.
"Yeah." Jonghyun nods and climbs into the back of the cab, now avoiding Jinki's eyes. He dabs at his own with the sleeve that peeks through the end of his jacket.  "Good luck with your concerts and your Japanese debut, Jinki-yah."
“Thanks."
The door of the cab snaps shut. Jinki bites his lip and steps back. The car takes off in an instant, and he watches the red lights of the cab with a hole in his chest until it disappears out of view.
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eliceinwanderland · 6 years ago
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Experiencing the Paradise: EℓyXiOn in Manila 2018 [I]
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'Elyxion' means "the paradise where only the selected ones can go."
It was derived from the word 'Elysium', also called as 'Elysian Fields' in Greek mythology. It is originally the paradise where heroes whom the gods conferred for immortality were sent. In Homer's writings, the Elysian Field was a land of perfect happiness at the end of the Earth. And in this way, EXO's fourth concert tour was born - a paradise where EXO and EXO-Ls (name of their fandom) can enjoy a moment of bliss.
ACCOMODATION:
Since I've been looking forward to this concert since last year, I really took the extra mile and filed a leave of absence a day prior to the concert (I'm sorry, my fangirl heart can't take it and needs at least a day of preparation lmao).
The plan was for me and my friends to stay at a condo unit near MOA Arena so it will be less of a hassle to commute. So thanks to one of our friends, we booked a room at Shore Residences which is 5 minutes away from the arena (by car) and like 15 minutes away if you opt to walk. Our room is good for 4-5 persons l. It has 2 double beds, a free Netflix account, a kitchen area, and 1 bath (which has an advanced technology toilet bowl like those in Japan HAHAHA). And just like other SMDC units, it has a small balcony overlooking the swimming pool.
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Before going to the condo, we bought some foods and drinks first since cooking is allowed inside the room. After dinner, we spent the remaining time dipping in the pool while waiting for airport photo previews of EXO arriving in Manila lmao.
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CONCERT DAY:
This is it! We're finally seeing EXO for the first time!
We woke up at around eight in the morning to prepare for the concert which will start at six in the evening HAHAHA! Well, aside from excitement, we really need to start moving early since we still need to cook breakfast and we are five in the room and all are girls so prep time is really long. You get it, more or less.
When everything is set, we booked a grab and arrived in the venue around lunch time. And mind you, the whole MOA area is so jampacked - fangirls, security, crew, sellers, and shoppers who doesn't have a clue what's going on. And since we arrived at lunch time and the heat was no joke, we decided first to look for a restaurant to settle down and quench our thirst; but given the situation, all restaurants near the arena were full already - from fast food restaurants to coffee shops, I'm telling you, every store was occupied by fan bases and fan girls. Luckily, there's this one cafe in Coral Way which was not full yet.
When we were settled, my friends started their concert giveaways, hence, time flew fast. Around 2 PM, we decided to order foods to boost our energy during the whole concert later in since gates will open at 4 PM and once we enter the venue, chances of going out to eat, drink or use the comfort room is near zero since we are in the SVIP section.
After eating, we roamed around the arena to get some freebies and banners and meet some of our friends.
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And of course, the mandatory shot of EXO lightstick and concert ticket can't be missed out. (Thank you to my friend who lend me his EXO ver. 1 lighstick! You're a life saver. Ang tagal kasi dumating ng lightstick ko huhu)
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We started lining up at around 4 PM and got inside the venue before 6 PM. Yup, that was a two-hour long queuing, plus two more hour standing during the concert itself (SVIP ka pa, girl). But as the saying in the fandom goes, "Basta EXO, worth it yan."
Our actual concert experience and post-concert feels will be featured on my next write up!
xoxo
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