#so I guess it’s technically kinda like me posting original content?

[jack-kellys]

west end question: i obviously love my brooklyn girls and would die for them all, but is it bad that it’s taken away the sprace dynamic for me? like i’m still 100% on board with a nowhere near canon ship and it shouldn’t affect me they’ve decided to have spot be a girl, but it lowkey has? and i feel kinda guilty about it? idk i love my proshot boys. but i am 100% here for all the uk newsies cast they are amazing and so talented and it’s definitely my favourite production by far!! idk if i’m making sense

ok part of me feels a litle baited actually because like. i feel like... im vocal abt mlm musical sprace not being a big vibe for me in the first place. so im a funny person to ask if you were looking for relief lmao. anyway here's my thesis below.

wait also if ur a white newsie fan a read-thru+rb of this would be much appreciated thank youuu (also yall have been eating up my character analyses anyway sooooo!)

TL;DR THESIS: if you're feeling genuinely let down that your ship did not see the light of day and a black girlsie spot conlon got to instead, then yes, you should reevaluate that.

followers, if you've been with me long enough, you know that i have quite strong opinions about how this show gets treated when it comes to interpretations and fandom/fanon. mostly, this is because i literally work in theater, and it's extremely backwards in my brain personally when shows get treated more like a movie or tv show than a performance piece.

im also one of the only ppl in this fandom that ever seems to dare speak on race (not the damn character smh). and anon, buddy, kiddo, this does have to do with race, gender, and sexuality.

firstly, what i think needs to be understood about newsies, is that it is theater, which means it is meant to be mutable. there is no one way. there should never be one way. it does not exist. secondly, theater does not exist in a fandom vacuum. its live every night, conceptually. theater is a live performance art.

interpretations change- it's the nature of theater. so i think asks like these really do illuminate the difference between fans of the show's content or fans of... i guess the show's culture's content.

this is a culture content ask.

one thing i really, truly, deeply need you all to understand: from an objective, script- and staging-based perspective, proshot sprace does not exist. they do not speak. they barely see each other. race does not even volunteer to go to brooklyn. the ship originates from the 1992 movie, where they do actually interact, which is why the ship has prevailed through the 90s to today. they're from the movie, not the musical.

of course, this doesn't bash the ship- it has history, and naturally fans want to create new history when they get a new source material (the musical). it's true for like every newsie ship lowkey (but also not lowkey because all the manhattan newsies do interact and sprace literally does not but thats a different post!!), which is something i do admire about the fandom- we do a lot of our own legwork here, we invent relationships and backgrounds from one-liners that could be given to tbh any frickin newsie. i respect the 30 years we have invented ships.

however.

when a huge, publicized, consistently sold out production comes along with spot conlon as not only a woman, but a woman of color (specifically black rn!) as the leader of the most feared group on stage, there becomes something much more important than a "sprace dynamic", which does not canonically exist in the musical anyway bro. you can't miss something that isn't there imo. often the story and casting within a story comes first, and goddamn if this isn't one of those times. lillie-pearl's spot brings bravado, swagger, confidence, and intimidation that is literally....fine maybe i'm being personal but it is slash gen incredible to see in technically a period piece! a black woman in leadership with that kind of assuredness! in such a popular musical! how is that not– automatically surpassing an often obsessed-over (yes i am. hinting at something here, straight girl fans) mlm ship?

and while i'm on the topic of the over-obsessiveness of mlm musical sprace, let me talk about uksies sprace. because what's also wack abt this ask is that sprace is not a hopeless case in this production- it literally has about as much 'evidence' as the proshot imo!!!!!

i got to hop over to 2nd row brooklyn seating for act 2 so i saw once and for all really close up, right. there's a moment when race is upstage letting the newsies in/down from the stairs. spot comes down and she does, in fact, share a look with him. race gives spot a nod and she keeps moving.

and like im gonna see the show again (every day i am counting my mf blessings fr), so if i'm wrong or they don't do it every time i'll correct myself, but that's what i saw with my own dang eyes on saturday. they do acknowledge each other in uksies.

and since they do, i really like. i have to ask. what is bothersome/unpopular abt uksies sprace, other than oh idk.... its not white/white mlm with a twink/manly bf trope? why can't race still love who spot is as a character, this strong and fearless ruler of brooklyn, in uksies? because tbh josh's racer...nahhhh because. this is such a side note now but they'd be so good together oh jesus am i gonna ship uk sprace. and it's not like they're 'taking away' from a queer ship because a) you can headcanon spot as a queer girl and race being trans is consistently popular and b) newsies has ten billion gayass ships bro we've been eatin for literal decades.

anon, i'm sure you didn't mean harm by this ask. i'm sure, honestly, that a lot of fans are feeling the same way as you and weren't quite sure how to put it in words. but, i'm also not surprised you sent an ask like this on anonymous specifically.

should you feel guilty about it? i don't think guilt is the right word. but i believe you should think more about how newsies is not.....static. it does not exist in one form, and it never will. if you're feeling genuinely let down that your ship did not see the light of day and a black girlsie spot conlon got to instead, then yes, you should reevaluate that. in theater, you should always question why something impacted you the way it did- a major point of theater is to discuss and think about it when you leave! i know this because ive spent three years literally studying it, to back up my thesis credentials.

thank you for reading this, newsies fandom. i do honestly say all this with love, and i hope it made u think !! ♥️

[bleue-flora]

20 Questions For Writers

One as tagged by @x-i-l-verify and I’m a sucker for answering questions. :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7 (and since it’s not many I’m going to color code them) - Wow that’s actually crazy, can’t believe it’s only been a little over a year since I first posted.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

129,165 - Yo, I’ve written a couple novels worth in words let’s go!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Dream SMP. (though I have a real angsty fic idea for MCU’s Loki that I’ve considered doing…)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

(Poor B is for Betrayal is at a disadvantage with only coming out this week lol)

Crow’s Nest

Which makes sense since it is the longest finished work and the most diverse in content, but it’s pretty wild since it’s only been since October. (I’m going to try and not assume it’s just because of all of the co-author, @midnight-fangirl01’s readers lol<3 :)…)

Dreamcatcher

Which I am probably the most proud of as far as my individual work, especially because the concept is really fun to explore. Hoping to finish the sequel soon but we’ll see.

Good Cop ‘Bad’ Cop

This is the shortest non-one shot by like half, so it’s interesting that it ranks higher. I do make some kinda cool graphics for it so I’m glad people like it. Not gonna lie though, a combination of positive feedback and projecting has made it go much farther than the one shot I had originally planned. And since I usually do a lot of planning for stuff it’s no wonder that I have non idea what I’m doing lol. :)

Misery Loves Another Idiot With A Jukebox Where His Soul Should Be (Or umm Misery for short)

(Every time I have to type that out I wonder why the heck I made the title so long, I means its perfect but also you can’t even do a good acronym because that’d still be long…) To be fair the kudo count is really close between Dreamcatcher, Good Cop ‘Bad Cop and this one, which is interesting…

Back in the day, when I first posted this as my blooper reel I did not expect people to like it this much, but I’m glad I’m not alone in my affinity for torture box madness. >:D I still can’t decide which is more unhinged the hopscotch or the crucifixion… like my mental health this year was suffering for real… lol

If The Crown Fits, Wear It

I mean c!Techno should always rank top 5 so it makes sense. ;) As someone who doesn’t love to read one oneshots because I get too attached and sad when it ends, I can’t say I’m overly surprised at its ranking. But also still surprised. Regardless,it was really healing for me and I’m glad it seems to have been for others too.

(Ok though for real my first fic Hell in a Box being the lowest makes me kinda sad not gonna lie. Like it’s true that I think I’ve certainly gotten better at writing, which is actually why I edited it this summer, but it is the one that started it all and while it’s not my favorite work at his point it does have some really cool scenes and holds a special place in my heart.……)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. Every one. They took the time to make me smile so the least I can do is share the love or fun. Especially when I spend a maddening amount of time on specific details it makes me so happy when someone noticed and enjoyed. <3 :)

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Yes. Oh wait lol I mean technically it would be Misery since there is both no ending and it’s more so a complication so technically it probably won’t get one. But if we are talking a finished work with an actual ending then probably Dreamcatcher I guess, because it’s kinda a sad realization, though technically it would have been Crow’s Nest if not for the co-author spoiling my plans lol >;)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mean easily Crow’s Nest… I mean the ‘epilogue’ is like 13,000 words so that’s how you know it’s good. ;D

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No not really. And honeslty my self esteem is low enough I’d probably quick if did. :) I did receive a hurtful but also wild accusation (from what I discovered to be a bot) that Good Cop ‘Bad’ Cop was written by AI, which is funny because honestly that fic is really uniquely formatted with literal nutrition facts I designed at the end, like heh? An AI doesn’t come up with this.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope. And I do not read it either. In fact, I originally thought that all fanfiction was smut but after reading my first one that was recommended by a friend I was pleased to discover there is plenty of fanfiction that isn’t.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Haven’t yet? But I wouldn’t be the most opposed to it…

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, someone is translating Crow’s Nest into Russian, which is pretty cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes with @midnight-fangirl01 and it was pretty fun. Though the short timeline and time difference made it difficult as well as my canon compliance extremism. But overall, I think we made a really good pair and I certainly got some new writing skills. It is by far the longest fic I have worked on so I’m pretty proud of it and certainly couldn’t have pulled something like it off without her.

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

Umm I don’t really do ships, but Drunz is one that is cute, and I always try and keep my fics kinda open and up for interpretation for anyone who does ship them. I think in general my opinion on their relationship doesn’t change much on whether they are platonic or not.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I intend to finish everything I post whether it’s how I planned or less so, because it makes me sad when works are unfinished, and I like closure, however sad or open-ended it is. At the moment I’m struggling with Good Cop ‘Bad’ Cop because my writing is based on projection and spurs of creativity so I guess I’ve struggled to project onto c!Bad recently. I will say I actually wrote most of the end the other day, so worse case scenario I just post it, but I do have ideas for chapters before then. It’s just whether or not I get inspired to.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I’d say despite generally disliking writing it, character/actual person sounding dialogue. Also my detailed descriptions that help you visualize the scene.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Probably pacing, like I don’t seem to cover a lot of ground in my fics. And for the Dreamcatcher sequel I’ve been struggling a lot with exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If you mean because the character speaks it then yes that’s fine I love character accuracy but there should be translations. Otherwise it ruins my immersion and it’s rude to make me switch screens on my phone and get blinded by the light just so I can translate. Like lots of people don’t translate for Ranboo and it’s really annoying.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dream SMP.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

How dare you ask be to choose between my babies! XD lol… I mean… I don’t know Misery is the most fun to write because I get to just be unhinged and I can stop or start wherever I want. Crow’s Nest is the one I’m probably the most proud of since it look a lot of lost sleep, research of characters I hadn’t done yet and we basically wrote it in a month and that just blows my mind. But I don’t know my favorite? Maybe Dreamcatcher I guess…

Hmmm tagging: @midnight-fangirl01 @elmhat @catsandgoodbooks @mistythedritten @draconixiaa @swordfright @the-final-sif … umm I don’t know I have no wifi so trying to figure out people to tag is hard but if you’re a writer and you see this consider yourself tagged and feel free to participate I’d love to see your answers. <3 <3

[zizz-asdf-re-r-o-u]

nukani Q&A

Questions from here! https://matadorofheart.tumblr.com/post/717595845428707328/

1. What got you interested the game? What kept you playing? - some leaked H scenes, now i'm still playing to find out the lore/story and see more H scenes

2- Who was your first SSR? -OG SSR Kuya!

3- Who’s on your home screen? Do you tend to stick to the same character/card or switch it up? Do you have Eiden onscreen with them? Currently SSR Aster + Eiden, i originally had OG SSR Kuya. haven't played the game long enough, but i think i'll be switching up on who i think is coolest at the time

4- Favorite character? -Kuya & Aster, closely followed by Garu, Rei, and Morvay

5- Favorite Eiden ship? -I think i'm a polyclan shipper, but I like Kuya/Eiden, Eiden/Garu, and Aster/Morvay's H scenes the most.

6- Favorite non-Eiden ship? oops, Aster/Morvay xD but I'd watch Morvay bang everyone. I also believe Quincy/Kuya is partially canon, but dont care about quincy so i dont actively seek out fan content about them.

7- Favorite territory of Klein? -No favorite territory. But maybe wood since thats where Kuya is from?

8- Favorite chapter? -oof, i'm torn between Rei's chapters and Kuya's chapter. but i also kinda hate them bc getting through the chapter boss fights WERE SUCH A PAIN IN THE BUTT. Ok technically Rei's should not have been that hard, but I was only building up 1 healer and 1 support. I didn't know i'd need several of them to beat his fight :(((

9- Favorite event? -GAMBLER'S PARADISE, and I'm really liking Misty Vale so far. Ok maybe I have recency bias xD but i really liked everything about Gambler's Paradise except for the high stakes stages which i couldn't clear story, the new SSRs, H scenes, eiden's outfit, the violence/gore in the event story, the horniness of the event story, the intimacy gifts, and how everything tied itself together. what the heck, it was such a well packaged. (Especially compared to Sunburst Festival and Chase the Rainbow's rerun, which are the only 2 other events I played)

10. Favorite original SSR? I think overall (battle stats + H scenes) Kuya, but Edmond (for battle stats) and Garu (for H scenes) are a close second.

11. Favorite event SSR? H scenes- Aster & Morvay, Outfits- Edmond slays in every outfit he has I swear. But also Maid Blade and A/B/O Garu? Hnnng. Battle stats- I have no idea, but I want the Kuya and Garu event SSRs

12. Favorite H scene? Oof, a tie between SSR Aster & Morvay. Warning that there is some dubcon/noncon in there, but if you ignore the dialogue, the voice acting and artwork is very yummy. A close second are Kuya's OG SSR and SR H scenes, but i KNOW i would love Kuya's Sunburst & Lakeside Spark H scenes if i had them- I've seen the screenshots. A/B/O Garu also seems to have very promising H scenes and I'm very excited to unlock EG Garu's scenes cause they look fun too.

13. Current level? 60... but none of my units are 60 yet xD

14. Most powerful unit? SR Morvay at 59 xD SR Yakumo is a close second at 56.

15. Least powerful unit? Probably all the cards i have that are still at level 1 (which is like 80% of my cards lol)

16. How many of your units have maxed out bonds, if any? I have maxed out SR morvay, SR aster, R yakumo. Then several cards that are at room 4.

17. Do you strategize & focus on gameplay, or are you just here for the spice? -I'm only here for the spice.... but I've spent significantly more time on strategizing instead :( I'm bummed out about that

18. Thoughts on the challenge events? (Sorcerer’s Trials, Lost Relics, etc) Uh I dont have strong enough teams to tackle anything higher than trial 29 on ST... I wish I could like them. Lost Relics looks particularly intimidating

19. What’s your favorite thing about the game overall? The H scenes xD And i guess the lore too. Rei & Garu's mysterious backstories are especially interesting to me. (I really like horribly traumatized characters lol)

20. Got any wishes for the future of the game? (Story, events, new characters, etc?)

ok so mostly a lot boring gameplay/gacha complaints that i've already seen like the pulls/energy/currency/etc. Buuut for fun wishes, I can't believe maid Blade is the only card with crossdressing! we need another one! Yakumo cooks & cleans! he should be in a maid dress at least once! Also more violence and gore! I dont know if there was any explicit murders before Gambler's Paradise, but as a huge horror fan, i loved that tiny glimpse of fictional violence. Also more *extreme* kinky activities! Nuca is surprisingly vanilla; we only get some glimpses of bondage or some sex toys here and there, so when Aster whipped out some tentacles, I was so so so excited. LIke I've seen the Kuya 4koma webcomics. He's a super kinky bastard- we should see it more. Currently the femboy possibly trans twink is more sadistic than Kuya is. C'mon, its a porn game, there should be more porn in it. Speaking of Aster, I hope there's something somewhere hidden confirming that he's trans. Too many signs point to it, but i still see denial. Also I'm not into big guys or DILFs, but Aster said he has an old-man form, and I know there's a subsection that would go wild over DILF Aster. (Especially traaans DILF Aster maybe? trans DILFs can be very hot).

Also this isn't a wish, so much as a hope it stays, but i hope we never have a "true ending/route/romance" type thing. I think Eiden & his harem should remain poly.

[cherry-bloooom]

HI THEREEE this is my first oc story that im gonna post here teehee! originally wrote in a notebook as like a rough draft then perfected it in google docs and it took me like 2 days to do so/ ~4 or 5 hours.. rough draft was written all in one sitting tho LOL took around 2 hours.

this is abt my oc percy being an asshole to his girlfriend at the time, michelle, my other oc, and him being a huge nasty slob. that’s kinda it. takes place around 2016/2017.

CONTENT WARNINGS IF U NEED IT:

alcohol/drinking, drugs, dv, rape/coercion, nsfw, slight mention of homophobia technically?? it’s literally one sentence. fortnite /j

ok hope u like it hehe love u bye click read more now to read…

Percy’s Perspective thing… idk what to call it

word count: 6.1k

I came home from a long morning of running around town taking care of errands. Rubin’s birthday is coming up soon, so my parents made me come over to their place for brunch to help them make plans for him, figure out what to get him. Right after I left, I had to grab something to eat. I was starving even though I’d just gotten done eating with my parents. I stopped at the ghetto McDonald’s me and Michelle go to. Every time we go, she complains about it, but we always end up going anyway. I came home right after that but was so mentally exhausted from being out, I couldn’t help but just lay on the couch.

Michelle was at work, like she always is around this time. I feel she works too much. She comes home stressed out nearly every day, and it never fails to ruin our night in together (never out, because she’s too stressed to even go out of the house). I try to have nice, romantic nights with her, but it seems she wants no part of it when I make an effort. It feels like she’s always resisting, for some reason. Things used to be so different between us. We always had great nights when she got off work, even when she got home late or tired or stressed, and things would be perfectly fine. But lately, she’s just been so distant and moody all the time. We’re always arguing over the little things, like when she accuses me of leaving the apartment a mess, or that I don’t help her out with anything. I feel like those criticisms are a bit undeserved. She has no idea what I do when she’s at work all day, and how stressful it can be sometimes. Like, for example, she knows how much I hate my parents, but it seems like every other day I have to spend money on an Uber to get to their house fifteen minutes away just to discuss a random ass topic they couldn’t stomach doing over the phone or text. God, even an email would be easier than the shit they pull. Or, she knows how much I hate Rubin, but I’m forced to basically babysit him for Mom and Dad while they sit on their asses and do nothing all day at work. They seriously lack the mental capacity to understand how annoying he is, and how annoying it is to hang out with him or bring him over to the apartment. They always say, “But Percy, he’s your baby brother!” But to that I say, “fuck off.” Just because I happened to be born before him doesn’t mean he’s my responsibility now. I don’t even get paid for it. I thought my babysitting days were over once I moved out, but I guess not! Halle-fucking-lujah. And she also knows how worried I am about my Overwatch league, and how often I have to practice for it. I love doing it, don’t get me wrong, it’s fun, but I hate always being glued to the computer like that. I know I gotta make some real money off of this soon, but it just stresses me out so much. Michelle really has no idea what it’s like for me, being home all day, all my duties. I wish she would give me the benefit of the doubt, just once. All she does is accuse and get mad at me for things I didn’t even contribute to.

I just wish things could go back to how they were with Michelle, my Mika, when we first met back in college, and every time we spoke sparks flew instantly. Even a year ago, things were different between us. We used to have romantic nights out, and cuddly movie nights on the couch, but now those have turned into cold, empty looks and heated arguments. That spark I loved so much is fading, and I want it back, so, so bad.

In all my sulking on the couch, I was interrupted by a notification on my phone. I reached for it, and quickly looked at the text– It was from my old college buddy Alex, in the group chat with my whole college friend group.

“Still up for tonight guys?”

Fuuuuuuuck. I had totally forgotten that I had plans with the guys for tonight. It was supposed to be all of us– me, Alex, Josh, and Andrew– going out to some bar downtown. I couldn’t remember the name of the place, let alone what time we were supposed to meet up, and couldn’t bother to check the message history and find out. Soon, the other guys chimed in confirming they were going, first Andrew, then Josh, leaving only me. I quickly thought of an excuse to not go.

“Sorry guys, my girl said I couldn’t tonite. Too dangerous to get home drunk and she has work in the morning, can't pick me up that late. Maybe another time,” is the best I could come up with.

They all typed their cries of disappointment, me remaining silent in the chat. That was until Andrew, the motherfucker, suggested we just come to my place. That way, I wouldn’t need to worry about getting home. Amazing, just what I wanted him to say.

“Yeah, sure. Be here by 4.”

They asked the address, I sent it, then turned my phone off and threw it to the other end of the couch, sighing loudly as I did. Putting my head in my hands, I thought of what to do. God, I hated hanging out with them. They haven’t matured whatsoever from when we were in college, and it’s like having a bunch of little Rubin’s running around whenever I’m with them. Constantly having to remind them to stop being so loud, so rambunctious, so, well, annoying. It reminds me of high school, where I’d be sitting at a table, minding my business, then suddenly people are flinging food at each other and screaming like banshees in heat, and I’m just sitting there, calm, collected, and irritated as fuck. I can’t stand them, I find it hard to relate to them, they’re all so immature for their ages. The only reason I wanted to go out was because we’d be drinking, and it would be fun and more tolerable. I was gonna try to pretend I didn’t know them, and wasn’t with them, and just have an excuse to get out of the house and relax on my own. Now that they’re coming here, and I doubt they’d be bringing anything with them, it’ll just be me and 3 other guys sitting in my living room like we’re boyscouts about to tell a campfire story. Is it really too late to cancel? Maybe something happened to Michelle at work, and they couldn’t come… No, because then, I’d have to keep up the lie. Ugh, god damnit.

I looked around the tiny living room, with our much too big TV and our much too small TV stand, that held my Xbox and my games, and a big bluetooth speaker I ordered for myself off Amazon. I looked at the floor, and at the loveseat where Michelle does all her reading. The house was a bit messy, but I had better things to worry about right now. I needed to start thinking about refreshments. I trudged into the kitchen and investigated our fridge, first. All I saw was a half empty 2 liter of Pepsi, some chinese takeout boxes, some chicken breasts, a barely touched gallon of milk, my case of Redbulls, Michelle’s leftover Starbucks from the other day, some steaks, some lettuce, condiments and dressings, and baby carrots. Nothing good in here, really. Then, I checked the pantry– pasta, crackers, cereal, Michelle’s spices, breadcrumbs, rice, a few picked through bags of chips, bread, 3 packs of ramen, and other random nonperishables. Not much else in here, either, I guess. I rustled around some more until I saw, in the way, way back of the pantry, a bottle of wine me and Michelle were saving for a special occasion, our anniversary, or a date night, or something. The wine itself was nothing special. It was a bottle of Barefoot, I think it was, like, fifteen dollars. Maybe I could bring this out for me and the guys tonight, to make it a little more bearable for myself. I have a feeling me and Michelle won’t be enjoying it any time soon, with how she’s been acting as of late. I know the guys aren’t huge fans of wine, but unless one of them wants to bring a six pack, then it’s just gonna have to do. I grabbed the bottle and set it on the counter, and reached in the cabinet and pulled out four wine glasses for each of us, so I wouldn’t forget to later. It’s only about two o’clock. I have some time to relax before they get here.

I pace around the apartment, completely dreading their arrival. I wish Michelle were here, so I could ask her what to do. I would call, but she never answers the phone at work. She really does work too much. I look back at the wine bottle sat out on the kitchen counter, and daydream about how nice it would be to enjoy that bottle with her. I’ll try to conserve the wine, and I think tonight, after the guys leave, and when she gets home from work, we’re gonna have a nice, relaxing night together, and we’ll talk through all the issues we’ve been having over that wine. I wanna spoil her tonight. I hope she’ll appreciate it.

I continued my pacing, and after checking the clock on the stove, I saw around thirty minutes went by. It’s almost 2:45, meaning I have about an hour to prepare myself. I’ve been eyeing the wine the whole time I paced, it looks really, really good. I pick up the bottle from the counter and start inspecting it. “Red Moscato” was the flavor, it’s deep red color making it look like some kind of fruit punch, or kinda like blood. Under the flavor, the tagline says, “Deliciously Sweet.” I’m not usually a fan of sweet drinks, but hey, it’s alcohol. In my mind, I considered popping it open early and drinking a little before the guys get here, but quickly swept the thought away, remembering how I wanted to save some for me and Michelle. Besides, I’ll have a little when the guys get here too, that’s when I’ll really need it. I continue to pace.

About fifteen minutes go by. It’s exactly 3:02. The bottle keeps enticing me. It really does look like blood, doesn’t it? I start to think about what it’ll be like when they get here. Their grating laughs, their irritating faces. Just the thought makes me wanna scream. I consider drinking it again, this time those images flashing through my head, my mind filled with dread. Maybe it’ll soften the blow when they get here. It’s now a toss up in my mind– but I knew my answer as soon as the question popped into my head again. Before I knew it I was pouring myself a decently sized glass, all for myself. It should be fine, there’s a lot left. With the first sip, my nerves relaxed, the bitterness of the alcohol adjusting them back into place. I almost chugged out of the glass, just standing right there in the kitchen. The glass was nearly empty by the time I was done with that huge first sip, so I refilled it and took my glass and the bottle back to the living room with me. I sat back and kicked my feet up, now properly able to relax.

Around 3:40 or so I heard a knock at the door. They’re here already? I groaned as it took me out of my tipsy buzzy high, and I reluctantly left the couch with a sigh to answer the door. Stumbling on the way there, I opened the door, and saw it was Andrew, the very kind, considerate guy, who kindly and courteously suggested we come to my house, without asking me first, before suggesting it. How lovely. He greets me with a pat on my back, and I notice in his hand he’s holding a six pack of Modelo. Thank fucking god, that wine was too good I almost didn’t wanna share it with these idiots. Being considerate, though, I took his beer and stuck it in the fridge, and led him to the living room, letting him know there’s already some wine in there if he wanted it, hoping in my head he didn’t.

We made small talk on the couch until I heard another knock at the door. I got up, and Andrew followed. Nearly stumbling again, I opened the door and greeted Josh, the most palatable of the bunch. He held a huge tote bag filled with snacks, as if he’d stopped at the store before coming here.

“I wasn’t sure what you had, so, I brought a little of everything, heh,” he explained. Did he not expect me to have anything here already? I sort of appreciated the sentiment, but felt a little disrespected at the same time. Andrew greeted him at the door, giving him the same pat on the back he gave me. Must be some kind of tradition among young men I’m not aware of. They started talking as they stood in the kitchen, and I barely paid any attention, until Alex showed up in the open door frame, greeting us by holding his hands in the air, one holding a drawstring bag and the other holding a case of Corona Light. The 3 stooges began hollering in excitement, huddling up and chanting and jumping up and down to celebrate their hang out sesh. I winced and my ears rang, taking the case of Coronas and placing it next to the Modelos in the fridge. They finally died down and migrated to the living room, and I reluctantly followed.

Twenty minutes have passed, and we’ve already each cracked open a Corona or two, or in my case, 3. They were sipping at them between words, and I sat there silently drinking, quick enough to get drunk as fast as possible and slow enough to not chug it. I’m zoned out, tipsy, and barely paying any attention to the conversation. I hear the chatter, but don’t know what they’re saying, until Alex brings me back.

“Hey, who brought this shitty wine?” He called out, looking to the group, laughing patronizingly. The others laughed with him and they all looked around, apart from Andrew.

“Oh, that was just some stuff I had lying around.. I didn’t feel like going out again today,” I explained, wanting to end it right then and there.

“Dude, this is some fuckin’… Some chick shit!” They all cackled. “What, are you fucking gay or something, man?” The cackling got louder. I took a large sip from my bottle in response.

Andrew opened his big mouth, “No, dude, doesn’t he have a girlfriend or something?” He stifled a chuckle.

“Yeah,” I responded, without a hint of humor in my voice.

“Bro, I forgot you had a girl, man,” Josh said. I don’t know how that’s possible, when I said it was the reason I couldn’t go out. Fucking idiot. “How are y’all doing together?” He slurred out.

I questioned whether to be truthful or to let the question pass by without giving a clear answer, but I’m drunk enough that my real answer comes out without me even realizing I’m talking. “Well..” I started, voice low and words slurring. “She’s… She’s been stressed, with work and stuff, recently, and, uh… Well, we’ve been kinda, um,” my eyes widened and I exaggerated a loud sigh. “She’s been kinda pissed off with me lately. I don’t know.. She’s always complainin’ about something.”

Alex responded, “Well that’s just women, man, that’s just how they are,” he waved his hands in the air, as if to brush it off and say it wasn’t my fault. “That’s why I can’t do none of that lovey-dovey shit. Either she’s mad at me for doin’ somethin’ stupid, or I’m mad at her for doin’ somethin’ stupid. I just.. I just can’t do it.”

Josh raised his drink in the air, said, “Shit, I’ll drink to that,” and let out a stifled laugh. Andrew lifted his drink slightly as well. I stayed still.

Alex continued, “Women are just bitches, man. Personally, what I do, is, I just pump and dump, y’know what I’m sayin’?” He sticks out his tongue, and starts making a thrusting motion, laughing. Andrew and Josh drunkenly cackle. I stayed silent and just nodded along. “But really, man, that.. that blows. I’m sorry. That fucking blows.” He then reached over the arm of the couch, and lifted his drawstring bag over and into his lap. He unfastened the strings and reached into the bag, pulling out a pre-rolled joint, a lighter, and an ashtray. “A little something to ease your mind?” he said, as Andrew and Josh went wild, cheering for Alex. He placed the ashtray on the coffee table in front of us and handed me the joint and the lighter.

God, I haven’t smoked since college. I haven’t had a real reason to since then. Yeah, I’m stressed now, but not nearly as much as I was back with constant finals and exams and assignments. It was fun. And hey, I’m already decently tipsy. What’s a little extra? Why the hell not?

After contemplating for a moment, I took it from his hand, placed the joint in my mouth, and lit up for the first time in years. That first inhale nearly killed me with how hard I coughed. The guys all laughed at me, and it annoyed me. But after they went back to talking, and my high set in, their voices were drowned out and I completely zoned out of the conversation, only ever coming back when they passed the joint to me. I enjoyed my time with them for the first time since we graduated, as I leaned back into the couch and got drunker with every sip of Corona and my “chick shit” wine, and got higher with every puff.

I don’t remember much else about the night until they were leaving. I wasn’t blacked out or anything, I just was so out of it I can’t remember anything until I came back to reality, in a way. I looked around as they were leaving, and it was dark in the living room, the TV was playing some random music I’d never heard before, and the room was a mess, with empty beer cans and bottles all over the couch and coffee table. I got up to see them out, stumbling over the garbage, and the kitchen was just as dark as the living room. The light from the stove clock illuminated it just enough though to where I could see they left all their snacks and beer. I wasn’t sure whether this was on purpose or not, but I certainly wasn’t gonna complain about it at all. We said our goodbyes, and I shut and locked the door, finally getting some time to myself, without worrying for the first time today. I grabbed a bag of Doritos and a Modelo from the fridge, and went and sat down on the couch. I turned the music off, started playing my own on my speaker from my phone, and played Fortnite on my Xbox for the next few hours.

I was so out of it that 2 hours passed by in an instant, and suddenly, Michelle was home from work. I didn’t notice until she turned on the overhead light in the living room, and shouted my name. It startled me, and sent me in a panic to shut off my game and the music.

I looked at her with wide eyes, heart beating out of my chest. “What!?” I yelled out.

Michelle stood next to the couch, still holding her purse and wore her uniform from work. She hadn’t even taken her shoes off yet. She looked at me with wet eyes, as if she had just gotten done crying. “‘What?’ What do you mean, ‘What?’” she mocked. While her eyes were teary, they still showed an intense fire, showing just how angry she was at me. “I just cleaned up the apartment this morning, and, it’s already filthy again! I mean, look for yourself, Percy!” she yelled out, looking around at the beer cans and bottles, empty chip bags, and random piles of garbage, all left by the guys, then back to me. “And, what the hell is that smell? It’s like something died in here, oh my god, it’s terrible!” she cried out. Oh shit, it must be the weed she’s smelling. I hope she doesn’t realize what it is.

“I dunno,” I stammered out.

“You ‘dunno’. You always ‘dunno’. No, seriously, Percy, what happened while I was gone?”

“I just had some of the guys over, that’s all,” I answered, “they left a few hours ago, I think.. It’s really not that bad, hon,” I say as I looked around at the state of the apartment.

“Did one of them die in here, or something? I mean really, oh my god! How do you not smell that?” she questioned, covering her nose with her shirt, wafting the smell away from her.

I tried to diffuse the situation. “..Smell what?”

She groans in response, “Ugh, whatever,” and then continues, “They left here how long ago? A few hours, you said?” she questioned. She then pointed at me, “So, why didn’t you clean up after they left?”

I’m still a little drunk, and I started to get frustrated with her. I wanted to have a good night with her and it’s already going to shit. I try to hold myself back, but blurt out, “Ugh, it’s not even that bad, Michelle. Just relax.”

“I nearly tripped trying to get in the house because there’s garbage piled up by the front door!” she screamed out, “What the hell do you mean, ‘it’s not that bad’?”

I drunkenly blurted out again, “Michelle, honey, please. Just chill out,” putting my head in my hands. I continued, “You’re really stressing me out right now.. I had a really, really long day today, and, I just wanted to have a good night with you when you got back.”

Michelle laughed in my face after I said that. “Really? What was it that made it a ‘long day’?” She crossed her arms and grimaced at me.

“Well, for starters,” I began, “I had to get an Uber to my parents, so we could plan out Rubin’s birthday over brunch, and–“

“With what money?” she interrupted.

I rolled my eyes. “..With your card,” I mumbled.

She sighed out, “Continue.”

“So.. I had to do that, then I had to stop at that shitty McDonald’s you always complain about since I was starving–“

“With what money, again?”

I rolled my eyes even harder, becoming even more frustrated. “With your card,” I muttered coldly, louder than last time. “Then,” I continued, “the guys came over, and, well, I had to be around them for like, 2 or 3 hours, or something.. You know how much I hate them, baby–“

“So, why’d you invite them over?” She interrupted a third time.

I snapped on her this time. “Why do you keep interrupting me!?” I whined out, losing my temper a bit. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again and placed a hand on her hip. I continued, “They basically forced me to have them over! And, they, like, pissed me off the whole time, and kept annoying the shit out of me!”

Michelle was fuming, and I could tell. She let out another chuckle to herself, shaking her head and closing her eyes, and rubbed her temple with one hand, leaving the other on her hip. “Percy,” she started, “I just got done working a double at a grocery store that doesn’t give a shit about me, making $12 an hour, where I got screamed at all day for shit that wasn’t my fault,” she crossed her arms, “my feet have not gotten a break since 6 AM, since I had to be up early to start cleaning up after you. My head is throbbing, my legs, back, and arms are in so much pain. You had brunch with your rich parents, got McDonalds for yourself with my money, and drank with your friends all night. But you were the one who had a long day. Right.” She rolled her eyes as I sat there, speechless, until she caught a glimpse of the wine bottle on the coffee table, stared at it, and her eyes simply drooped as they watered again. Wondering what made her so upset, I looked over along with her, and saw the bottle was almost completely empty, enough to probably fill a shot glass or two. Did I really drink all that? I felt mortified as I looked back to Michelle, and saw she was storming off to our bedroom, where she usually takes off to during our arguments.

I leapt onto my feet and called out to her, trying my best to fix this horrible situation. “I’m sorry for the mess, I really didn’t want them to make such a huge mess, and I was gonna clean it but.. Really, Mika, I-“

She snapped her whole body around to interrupt me, pointing a finger at me and shoving it into my chest, “Don’t fucking call me that, Percy!” she screamed breathlessly, “I don’t give a fuck about whether or not you were gonna clean it. I’m so sick and tired of seeing you sit there on your ass and make it worse for me. It’s fucking disgusting. You’re a grown man and you can’t pick up after yourself? Seriously!?” She threw her arms up in the air in confusion, and turned back around in a hurry to get to the bedroom.

In one last dire effort to calm her down, I grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards me and stopping her from reaching the bedroom, spun her around, and kissed her. It’s been so long since we last kissed, and she tasted amazing. I could feel her trying to wriggle out of my grip, so I just held her tighter and kissed her harder to distract her from her own anger. She continued to push away from me, unsuccessfully, until I felt a hard slap on my right cheek. In shock, I pulled away and let go of her, and stared at her in surprise. She backed away from me creating a few feet of space between us, and she stood and stared at me with a fearful stance.

“What the hell, Percy!?”

I immediately lunged forward and kissed her deeply again before she could finally make it through the door. I grabbed her waist and the back of her head, pushing her into me with both hands. She pushed as hard as she could, nearly getting away once, but my grip on her tightened. I felt my cheeks become flushed as I kissed her and felt her body with my hands. Something came up inside me, making me need this woman more than anything, no matter how mad she was at me. I could feel warmth spreading throughout my whole body as she wriggled in my grip. She smacked me again, but it did nothing. Then another time. I simply grabbed her harder each time she hit me. She yelled between my kisses, “Percy, stop!” as she continued to push me away, but I resisted and silenced her by shoving my tongue in her mouth, deeper with each of her cries. She continued to hit me to shoo me away from her, and even began trying to pull my face away from hers by reaching her arm up and tugging at my hair and pushing at my face. I only responded by grabbing her arms and bringing them back down as she did so. By this point I was practically panting, as with each moment and each hit and tug and pull, I craved her and her body more and more. I needed to feel her entire body and I wanted her to feel mine.

I finally pulled away from her to gain some breath. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and my whole body felt so weak and tingly around her, but my grip on her stayed the same. As I pulled my mouth away from hers, I breathed in deeply and opened my eyes to look at her face. Her eyes were wide with a helpless look, an adorable look that made my knees wobble as I saw it. I couldn’t help but lean back in to kiss her again, and as I closed my eyes, I felt a large object make impact with my jaw and ear, physically knocking my face away from hers, and my whole body stumbled to the side following my head. I won’t lie, it sent me reeling, and I grabbed my jaw and caressed it to ease the pain. I looked up at Michelle, who backed away from me again, holding her purse out with her arm fully extended. I could see her slightly tremble, and she said nothing before she made her way in the bedroom, slammed the door.

I smirked a bit after collecting myself, finding her anger so adorable. I followed after her, and turned the doorknob, but it wouldn’t budge. She must’ve locked it. I tried to force it open again, using my body to try and make the door move a little, but still nothing. Still fiddling with the doorknob, I begged and pleaded for Michelle to come back out and talk to me, but she ignored me. I grew desperate and began banging on the door, trying to get it open. I needed to feel her body again, to touch her, and kiss, and taste her again.

“Michelle, please.. I just wanna talk, please..”

“We can talk when you learn how to clean up your shit,” she finally called out through the door. Just the sound of her voice made me melt.

“Baby, I.. I just really wanted to have a nice night,” I whined out, sliding my hands down the door, “why do you always have to go and ruin it for us..? Why can’t you just take care of it tomorrow, or something?”

“Oh, my god, I have work tomorrow, too! 7 to 5, plus I have to run errands tomorrow after! I don’t have the time to be your goddamn maid, Percy! I’m fucking done with it! Don’t think I’m doing shit with you until you learn how to clean up around the house.”

Again with the ‘having no time’. “I had a busy day too, hon, like I said,” I softly pleaded to her, “And I’m busy all day tomorrow, too.. I have to worry about my career taking off soon, and, I.. I have to go back to my parents again tomorrow! I just- I just don’t have the time either, I-“

I stopped mid sentence, quieting down to listen to the rustles and thumps coming from inside the room. I put my ear up to the door, listening carefully, before the door moved suddenly and I nearly fell over. I saw Michelle standing there, holding a ball of laundry, and she was wearing only a pair of pajama pants and a black bra. She let her hair down, just the way I liked it, and she had that look on her face again, with a tear streaming down her face. She coldly said as her brows furrowed, “Then you know what? If you have to go over again tomorrow, why don’t you get a head start, and get the fuck out of here.” She shoved the clothes at me, and I nearly dropped them since I was so focused on her, and her beautiful body. It had been so, so long since I’d seen her like this, and god, that face she was making drove me crazy. My face felt hot and my whole body was all wobbly again.

All I could mutter was, “Look, Michelle, I.. I’m sorry.. for acting how I did, just now. Let’s just.. can we, uh.. restart, hon?”

She looked to the side, crossing her arms over her chest and rubbing her biceps up and down. “Just.. Just go, please. I can’t do this right now.”

“No, baby, I.. I really just, I wanna make this up to you,” I said gently. I tossed my clothes onto the floor, and placed one hand on her waist and wiped her tears with the other. As I touched her, she slightly backed away from me, her body trembling again. I leaned in to kiss her, caressing her cheek as I did, and held her against me by the waist with the other hand. She resisted for just a moment, but finally gave in and began kissing me back.

My face felt hot again as we stumbled into the room, and I lead her to the bed, pushing her onto it and leaning over her as we made out. I made my way down from her jaw to her neck, then down to her chest where I left 2 hickeys. I joked with her, “I know you have work tomorrow, so, I left them there instead, heh.” She had no reaction.

I massaged my hands over her entire body, and my lips followed. I undressed myself, helped her take off her bra and pants, and kissed her one final time before pushing her onto her back, spreading her legs, and getting on top of her, positioning myself so I could see all the helpless faces she always made.

She looked a bit hesitant, almost disinterested, like she was spaced out. I gained her attention, and reassured her, “Just enjoy it, alright?”

After we finished, I fell over onto my back and breathed heavily. Michelle stayed perfectly still, before turning onto her side, getting cozy under the covers, and curling up into a ball, staying silent. Neither of us said anything for a good while. I think she might’ve fell asleep, so now, it’s just me and my thoughts until she wakes up. My mind wandered and recollected our argument beforehand. I looked to the clock, and it was already 10:30, an hour and a half since she’d gotten home. I thought about how angry she was when she walked through the door, and how upset she was while we were still talking. God, her face when she saw the wine. I definitely fucked up with that one. Well, at least the night wasn’t totally ruined, after all of that. I remembered how she’d told me to “get a head start” on my day tomorrow, and told me to go to my parents. I know she meant it as an insult, but.. it didn’t sound like a horrible idea. I have to be there a bit early tomorrow, plus I should dedicate most of my day to my league, shouldn’t I? Thank you, Michelle, for the idea.

I got out of bed and dressed myself again. I gathered all the clothes that laid outside the bedroom door, and loosely shoved them into an old backpack, before finally hearing my Mika’s voice again.

She called out, “What are you doing?”

“Oh, I uh, was thinking about what you said earlier, about me getting a head start on my day tomorrow, and, uh, I thought it was a good idea. So, I’ll be at my parents house for the night.”

She didn’t respond.

“I’ll be home before you get home tomorrow, don’t worry.”

Still no response.

I finished packing up all my things and got my shoes on.

“Is it alright if I take your car, hon?” I asked.

The only response I got was her adjusting the blanket a bit. Must be half asleep. I assume she wouldn’t need it that bad, so I reached into her purse and took her keys.

Before I left, I quietly approached Michelle, gently moved the hair from her face, and planted a kiss on her temple, before whispering to her, “I love you, Mika.” I turned back around, grabbed my stuff, turned off the light, and shut the door. I finally left the apartment, and headed over to my parents house.

[chornayadrakoshig]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @1lostsoul0fishbowl <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

156! (Technically, 158, but two of them are in a fandom fest and will be anonymous for 2 or 3 more weeks I think). Also I want to mention that I don’t use ao3 for fics exclusively – actually I plan to slowly archive all my visual fanworks there as well!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

280,716

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Code Lyoko is my main fandom and has been for about 12-13 years, though I wrote my first fic for it a bit later, in 2014. Harry Potter is still my second largest by the works posted, but besides a long-standing WIP and fandom exchanges/requests here and there, I don’t touch this fandom anymore. Current second favorite is Stranger Things :) 

In general I have about 18 unique fandoms (without counting sequels/adaptations and original works) on my ao3 profile, but most of them have just a handful of works each.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

God my stats after fully moving to ao3 are fucking depressing xD Let’s not talk about it.

5. Do you respond to comments? 

Yes! It’s usually not a long conversation but I love to share details about my works if anybody asks questions.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Angst is my second name xD Almost a third of my works on ao3 is tagged angst, so it’s hard to pick one, but I’ll mention this (technically untitled) oneshot (Code Lyoko, Odd/Aelita)

Usually I love angst and open endings but with this one it bothered me so much that I actually have plans for a sequel to give these characters some happy ending for god’s sake.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

… okay that’s even harder question. Let’s say this one (also Code Lyoko, also Odd/Aelita). Disregard that it starts from another pairing’s breakup

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Not really? Nowadays I don’t even get that many comments (I hate the spambot that I get on ao3 all the time with passion), but even prior to that the most heated thing I’d see in my comment section is “your OC is a Maru Sue”. And they’d list the characteristics that another commenter mentioned as the reason they think the same OC is well-developed and not MS at all! To each their own, I guess

9. Do you write smut? 

I’ve published… five fics that have sexual content in one way or the other, and only one of them is explicit. Truly, I’m not good with something above erotica level. I do have plans to write more smut (for petty reasons) but these won’t see the light of day for a few month because I’m saving them for a fandom event

10. Do you write crossovers? 

I rarely get good plot ideas for crossovers (I gravitate towards AUs mostly). I’ve posted 2 (a oneshot and one neverending WIP)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

A few times, yeah. One of my HP fics almost reached 3k likes on the website that was my main posting platform prior to ao3, so as you can imagine, at some point shit hit the fan. Also had one microfic (or microoriginal, to be precise) stolen as a fancy text for social media post. Luckily in each instance they were deleted quickly.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nope (at least nothing I know of, I have blanket permission on my profile), but I do translate fics myself :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Not really. I have a shared setting/universe idea with my best friend, but we mostly wrote and drew our own separate things in it, our characters not interacting. I worked on co-translating multiple fics however.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 

I guess Oddlita? I don’t usually have ���OTPs” as in “the only ship I ship in a fandom”, but since it’s from my main fandom and they’ve been a favorite for over a decade, they kinda get this status. But I ship insane amount of other ships in this fandom (including the ones contradicting my favorite) xD

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

At one point I got a kick for a very specific poetry format and I decided to write parody/retelling of the original series in poems. I covered 3 episodes and never touched this thing again.

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I think I’m pretty good with making it sound poetic, playing with sentence length and structure (maybe that’s why I find writing fic in English so hard and limiting, idk).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m so bad at plotting it’s not even funny xD For some reason my brain tends to create a single vague scene idea with no start and no end. I’m a chronic oneshot/vignette writer.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

It depends? If it’s a phrase or two – fine, great, no problem. Otherwise we are starting a footnotes hell (have you read fucking War and Peace? I did), unless you’re writing for an audience that for sure knows both languages well which is. Very specific. So for long dialogue I prefer to keep it in one language, maybe highlight in italics, and if it’s from a POV of a character who doesn’t speak the language, break up the dialogue with notes how POV character doesn’t understand what is going on.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Merlin BBC. Never finished that fic.

20. Favorite fics you’ve written? 

Why these questions are so hard xD I’d say this microfic (Code Lyoko, William/Yumi) because back when I originally posted it my readers thought it was smut from the first paragraph and just screamed at me in the comments xD idk I just remember that interaction so vividly it makes me cackle every time

[lillyontheborder]

10 + 11

// Thanks so much for the asks! I don’t know if these are all together but I will answer them together for convenience

2. Name a favorite sound to write to

Specifically for Alice in Borderland, I like writing to apocalyptic music playlists as well as playlists made for Alice in Borderland. It usually gets me in the mood to write dark content like what is in the show.

7. If the Mun and Muse could spend a day together, what would you do and why?

My OC is a self insert, so I guess this is like what would I do with myself? As of recently I haven’t been in the best mental space, so I’ve been sleeping a lot and playing games. But if I technically met my self insert and I think I’d like to go to a nature park with her at night and stargaze and talk about life. I talk to myself a lot in my room, haha.

10. Coffee or Tea?

I like both but they have to be sweet! If I had to pick though, I’d pick tea because I like the aesthetic of tea parties haha.

11. Explain the origins of your muse. Why did you choose them? What’s your focus with this character?

Ok… this is gonna take a bit to explain, haha. You don’t have to read all of this, I apologize for the long response, however I really appreciate those who take the time to read the whole thing. Thank you. And also thank you for asking me this.

So, I first started interacting on my personal blog. I interacted with @diamondfucked a few times anonymously before talking with them about making a blog. I ended up looking at all the oc blogs and wanted to make my own. That’s how it started. I was welcomed immediately by so many people and I’m so grateful to all the friends I’ve made who have been so kind and welcoming.

I also make most of my ocs for fandoms self-inserts for a very specific reason. I have explained this to mutuals before but not to everyone.

So… this is kinda hard to talk about sometimes but I have never felt a close connection to people and in school I was made fun of for how I look (the way I dress). However, the one thing that never let me down was the shows and media I liked. They can’t hurt me because they’re not real. So I make my main oc a self insert so I can live in these spectacular worlds with characters I find comfort in and enjoyment in. It’s a very vulnerable thing for me to make my character a self-insert, which is why I get really passionate and even emotional, because that’s me. That’s not just some random oc. It’s literally me interacting with those characters. I try to separate it more because I don’t want it to affect my real life.

As for the focus… I saw a post and have even been told that self-inserts are frowned upon. It’s opened my eyes but also hurt me because that makes me feel like I’m not being liked. Not my character, but me. Because of this, I’m trying to develop Lilly in a way that makes her more relatable and human, especially since it’s AiB.

That’s why I wrote this and this. I don’t want her to be perfect, never get hurt, and blah blah, ya know what I mean. If anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear ways to develop her as character more, as long as it’s genuine criticism and not just insults.

Thank you so much for reading this through, it really means a lot to me.

Again, thanks for the asks!

[mutantbreadslice]

ALL OF MY ART PART 2

i think the maximum of these kinds of posts is 10 things so i guess im making long chains of posts. have fun down in the future when you have to navigate these things like a labyrinth!

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

[yjwhatif]

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

[twilightpoison]

It’s been brought up to me that a lot of my content is Isekai based. However I didn’t want this to be a Ieskai HC post. Instead let me tell you all about a stupid thing I came up with as a kid that I’ve been meaning to make into a fic for so long.:

What if the characters you play actually can feel your presence and/or can hear your commentary when playing?

Fair warning I never play Hyrule Warriors and Twilight Princess so let me know if I got things wrong.

Head canons under cut!

General head canons (These are all platonic headcanons btw.):

- Let’s say that the simple reason that you are here was to help the chain. Think of it like you’re the groups companion on this journey. Who better then someone that knows about each hyrule?

- The people who dealt with a lot of magic recognize you at first. The others need a bit of a push to connect the dots but everyone gets there.

- The connection wasn’t as strong at times during their original adventures, so its not like they could always hear you or sense you.

Time:

- You saw him and it was clear he has another sibling now.

- Time knew you where telling the true, that you followed both of his adventures however he wasn’t going to be fully open to you.

- Guess who isn’t scared of Time? You.

- Literally at one point you’ve pointed at Time and with a straight face says “thats a child”.

- This is also how the chain found out that Time actually fought the moon technically.

- “You fought Majora on the moon while it was falling. That’s not the same thing.”

- You meet Malon and it was an awkward first meeting since how do you explain this in the first place.

- Yet the two of you got along amazingly.

- When you and time are alone you instantly ask Time if he knew how she got the cow in his house. He kinda just… stares at you? Like you just met his wife and thats what your asking about?!

- The answer was that he wasn’t sure how she did that but the cow isn’t in his old house anymore. Since different timelines and all.

- It’s honestly weird for him to have someone remember both of his adventures in confidence.

- All be a little awkward hearing someone go, “oh yeah! Time had to do something similar.”

- Early on Time did go over boundaries since he really doesn’t like to talk about his adventures to much.

- So instead you both agree to be as cryptic as possible or at least there is an attempt on your part. Since your the only other person that can confirm or deny his claims.

- And no. You also don’t know his true age. But your guess is the closest.

Twilight:

- Since he is one of the Link’s that is drenched in magic, he recognizes your aura instantly.

- Chaotic sibling energy.

- If he is giving Wild or any of the other Link’s a hard time you are by his side calling Twilight out. Unless if the person in question did something truly idiotic then you let him go off.

- Speaking of, you call this man out as much as you possibly can. Like hell if you’re going to let the others think he isn’t a gremlin.

- He did try to stop you by covering your mouth but you licked his hand. So…. guess what he isn’t trying again unless it’s necessary.

- Somethings are kept a secret though. Since he did live through it and even if it was stupid he still could of gotten really hurt.

- You both play good cop, bad cop to the younger Links all the time.

- Twi is surprisingly very open with you about his adventure, to finally talk to someone about it with out having it sound crazy is nice.

- He also has some questions about you and your life. Since before this adventure started you just disappeared.

- The two of you honestly get along like two best friends who haven’t seen each other in years but still can banter like its the good old days.

- Knowing only small amounts about what they all been through it’s nice to know that you’re looking after the others as well.

- That feeling makes him really push himself to protect the family he has here and luckily you are here can smack him upside the head before lecturing him.

Warriors:

- heeeeey… you know what happen the last time he met someone that was suppose to be watching over the hero’s spirit?

- Yeah, so….War’s isn’t so keen on trusting you like some of these Heroes.

- You seem nice and not obsessively crazy. If anything what makes him decide to give you a chance. It’s seeing you get along with the other Heroes post battle or around the campfire when you think no one is watching.

- The moment that he recognizes you. You were cursing out some monsters and calling Dink every name under the sun. Which he actually remembers hearing your panicked voice briefly when fighting Cia.

- Anyway, you guys are a sass duo and even a trio when you get Leg involved.

- You steal his scarf sometimes with Time and Wind’s help

- He finds you and Wind wrapped inside of it leaning on time and his heart just- clenches, he has more siblings now!

- Then Warriors realizes he has another sibling… another sibling that will prank him…

- You two can be found discussing tactical strategies. Mostly him teaching you though since depending on the person not many people will know how to lead an army. Yet he is a good teacher and you catch on pretty quickly.

- Same with Twi, Warrior’s needs someone to pull him back sometimes it seems. Who better then to remind him then the person that already saw his lowest moment when his ego got the better of him?

- Seriously speaking. He wouldn’t come to you to talk. If anything he will try to avoid you if he wasn’t his best. In his head he has a reputation to uphold. Which will lead to a heart to heart. No sass. No banter. Just you and him sitting down to remind him that he is human.

- He needs a hug. Please give him a hug.

Sky:

- Sky actually didn’t recognize you at first!

- Yes he felt your presence and hear your voice in his adventure, but that was a while ago at this point. Also he isn’t as connected to magic as the others are.

- He does slowly befriend you despite everything.

- It wasn’t until you referred to a certain demon lord as a ‘B*tch A** Clown’ and a flood gate of memories open up for him. Memories of you cursing out Ghirahim, calling the imprisoned an ‘avocado with feet’ and so on.

- Nothing really changes between you two honestly, he just accepts it.

- If anything he becomes more open to you about everything, setting clear boundaries on what he doesn’t want to bring up. He will tell everyone about the curse eventually, but just hasn’t found a good opportunity too. Things like that.

- You do have to argue with Sky that the curse wasn’t his fault since you were also there when it was put on him, also the fact that he didn’t asked to be cursed in the first place.

- Most of the time you two are together its to get away from the chaos that the group of nine heroes could bring.

- Walking or sitting in silence is how you two end up most of the time together. It may not look like you two are bonding. There are some days while Sky is wood carving you would work on your small hobby as well. Then there are days he plays the harp and your reading.

- Despite it all he really enjoys the peace you bring. There is a sense of comfort that you have.

- When you and Sun finally meet. The first thing you ask him is to be invited to the wedding and it may or may not been in front of her too…

Wild:

- The recognition was really slow for him like Sky. Since Wild just got off of his first adventure he didn’t actually notice you were gone.

- It was until he realized that he couldn’t hear your panicked voice or snarky remarks when fighting in his head. That he finally realized you where outside of his head. He was quick to connects the dots after that.

- There was a moment where he didn’t know how to react since he just figured that you were just from his imagination.

- He now has another adventuring buddy with Hyurle! Though luckily you do keep the both of them from harm. Mostly because if something happens to them you will get in trouble with like Twi and Leg and thats never fun.

- Though you have your moments. Shield surfing and paragliding are on top of that list and Wild is all up for teaching you the ropes.

- The topic of the history of hyrule gets brought up a lot with the two of you. Since his era has a lot of connections to the past era’s. He is all up for learning about what came from where. Soon theories start to fly about.

- When You, Him and Flora are finally all together. There is nothing stopping you all from bouncing off theories. With your outside knowledge mixing with what they know. Things start to fall into place.

- The answer to why the timeline is like this doesn’t get answer. But hey! At least you all are having fun!

- If you can’t cook he will teach you that too! If you can! Well buckle up your going to share your knowledge with him whether you want to or not.

- Once you know how or get used to cooking while camping, you help him out a lot and its these moments where you both talk the most.

- It’s comforting to him to know he wasn’t alone this whole time.

Legend:

- As soon as you two locked eyes he felt instant dread. Yes he knew. No he isn’t going to opening up to you.

- Playful Insults to bond? Yeah that’s literally how he talks to everyone so no special treatment.

- He keeps you at a distance but its not actually working.

- You talk about his adventures so casually like it happened a few days ago. You avoid Link’s Awakening though. If you got hurt with the plot twist then you could only imagine the pain Leg went through.

- “I’m still trying to process the fact you married a tree.” “Hey remember that one time with Yuga, you slammed face first into a wall so hard you knocked yourself out?” “God do you not wear pants because of the fish thing?”

- This relationship is literally: Only I can bully this one.

- He fears the moment you meet Ravio and Fable knowing full well you all will bond over teasing him.

- Overall though he knows you got his back no matter what, to the point he finds himself confining in you slowly.

- Guess who is also teaming up with Hyrule to get Legend to sleep. It you.

- Once you probably have forced him to sleep by getting wolfie to lay on him. It was the wolf or yourself. In the end it was both of you and he was trapped.

- A sign that he was becoming soft towards you was when he started sharing his items with you. He trusts that you know how to use them and if you don’t he is actually willing to show you.

- He regrets giving the bee badge to you.

Hyrule:

- Another person that is drenched in magic. It only took one look at you for him to realize who you were.

- The two of you were awkward as anything at first. Since to you he never really spoken in his adventure so you didn’t know how to picture his personality.

- There’s a lot of mystery in your mind about him since again there isn’t much to go off of with what your given in game. It’s weird for him to hear about how you interpret his personality from that perspective.

- Hyrule didn’t honestly expect you to try and befriend him tbh. It mostly him over thinking it.

- You do follow him sometimes when he wants to wander around and explore. Mostly because you claim he finds the coolest things when he does.

- But its just a excuse to actually get to know him.

- The two of you trade stories and questions about each of your lives. There might be things you know that he might not know of about his adventure and his hyrule.

- Of course never going into to much details since there are things you couldn’t tell him.

- Hyrule honestly was dreading the day you all would land in his Era. He loves his home but is also very aware of it not being the most…welcoming place.

- So it’s more then surprising to him that there is even more then the glint of familiarity and excitement on your face. Knowing full well what dangers where a head of you, you still were open to exploring his world to the fullest.

- It’s honestly refreshing to see someone love his era as much as he does.

- Another boy that needs hugs, please give him a hug.

- You both cheer each other on though.

- This relationship is just aggressive support between you two and the others.

Four: (I’m actively mixing the Four Sword game and manga just to be clear.)

- Not sure if he would know exactly who you where since during the second adventure your voice and presence bounce between the four of them.

- Yet I also feel like he took after you because he was a child in his first adventure, which worries you a lot. Since you did have choice words for Vaati.

- The first to realize was Vio then it went Blue, Red and Green. Despite being in the same head it was just a theory they had over all. They all had their own ways of confirming it.

- Vio noticed the small things you do around Four. Like not stepping on their shadow, and covering Four when things got chaotic in their head. Small references here and there. When the two of you are alone he almost quizzes you about things. Just to see how much you know and to see if your telling the true or not.

- Blue recognize your mannerisms being something he picked up on during the first and second adventure. Only vaguely since again he was a child / there was only a small part only with him. Your fighting banter when your in battle made you see where Blue got his colorful language from…

- Your comfort was what clued Red in. He remembers your presence more clearly then the others from the first and second adventure. It was a comforting (yet chaotic) presence in their adventures that he latched on to. More so from his first adventure since as a kid he made an imaginary friend to process the fact he could sense and hear your presence. When you came back in the second time around it felt so natural for Red to have you there and really helped make him go forward through his small journey.

- For Green? It was a lot of things but when he see’s you treating each color differently when they are in charged. It’s a refreshing sight to be honest. He just enjoys hearing and seeing that his brothers had someone to confide in. Even when they switch who is in control you some how could tell and spoke to them accordingly.

- They were all some what surprise that none of the others picked up on your treatment of him swapping so much. Yet their also glad because their not ready to reveal themselves quiet yet.

- As Four or as you nicknamed him ‘Rainbow’ the two of you tend to sick together when the world’s shift around. Since his body needs more time to recover.

- You two are another pair that cheers each other on when the moral is low.

- He introduces you to the Minish! Getting you a jabber nut so you can speak to them too. You can’t shrink down to properly talk to them so this was the next best thing.

- The four of them makes you a dagger to bring home to remember him by, there’s a kin stone imbedded where the blade meets the hilt.

Wind: (hello self projection my dear friend)

- Wind didn’t recognize you ether at first, yet he didn’t even blink when you join everyone. He was fully on board with getting a new member and is easiest the most opened.

- It was when you two are alone together that something clicked in his head. You see during the Wind Waker he was alone most of the time when he was on land. So he had to face a lot by himself.

- Having you was reassuring to him when facing some of the monsters alone, especially with the puppet ganon fight. The two of you both agree that it was creepy.

- CHAOTIC SIBLINGS PART 2… well kinda

- Wind is a lot more mature then you realized but you two still have those moments.

- You, Aryll and Grandma get along too! So he and his family basically sees you and the chain as family.

- Pranking buddies! You’re targets would never know. Mostly because your covering up for him. You two team up with Four and Wild so the pranks can get chaotic at times.

- No matter what age you are compare to him and if your ok with it he does like platonic physical affection. Your going to be trading off with Warriors a lot of the time for cuddles or it’s the three of you together.

- You teaching him our worlds sea shanties and him teaching you his? Heck yeah! Even making up songs with the others is something on the table and in the works which is nice.

- It’s another thing to bring back home thats personalized!

Honestly since I’ve written all of this down I want to write the fic more. Though I’ll probably not only because idk if people would even read it lol. So it will just be a bunch of head canons. Anyway rambling is done.

[voxofthevoid]

5, 6, 23 & 24 for the ask game

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Still our man Steve. There's a reason Endgame hit me that hard in the distinctly not fun way.

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

All those original ideas forever trapped in my head that will never, ever see the light of the day.

For fic, I have wanted to write a hybrid!AU for stucky since 2020. Yet, here we are.

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

A loud, emphatic yes.

So much. I started posting on Ao3 in 2014. All my other fic accounts have either been axed or left adrift with the passwords blissfully forgotten. And in these 7+ years, I think my style has undergone half a dozen metamorphoses.

At a technical level, my grammar and punctuation got stronger because I picked up the rules better writing than I ever did when they were being hammered into me. And the sheer act of writing near incessantly for years has honed my use of language—the craft, I guess.

There is still room for improvement, and I think there will always be room for improvement, which is a good thing.

Content wise, the most noticeable change is the porn. I used to be a lot shyer about writing sex and nowhere near as unapologetic as I am now about loving/writing the content I do. That's a fairly recent development, honestly. In other aspects as well—characterization, exposition, mood setting—I feel I'm getting better the more I write.

I'm not, and likely never will be, a plot-focused writer though. Kinda shit at that 😂

6 is here.

Ask in response to this post

[tiptapricot]

I’ve been having a lot of Evil Robo BnT thoughts recently, so here’s a bunch of them! This ended up pretty long just as a forwarning djjdjd

Post DeNomolos, Evil BnT are forced to do a lot of self exploration and discovery

They’re two robots from the far future, stuck in the past with each other and the two humongously important historical figures they were not only sent back to kill, but also physically made to look and sound exactly like, with no way back to their own time and no further reason to carry out the mission they were created for

It’s a lot to adjust to

(Three uses of the f-slur near the end in a canon compliant/reclaimed usage context, and implied sexual content, but extremely mild)

It still doesn’t have much of an impact on them at first though, besides some anger and annoyance. They don’t feel emotions in the same way or to the same depth that humans do, so they kind of fall back on: this sucks and that guy was a dick, guess we have to live in the stupid past now, and that’s the extent of it

But they’re also AIs, and AIs learn and grow

They hide out in a cheap apartment for the first few months or so back, going out to steal money to pay for rent and to pick up movies and stuff, but it’s exposure to the world, it’s living. And the more they interact with people, the more media they consume, the more the rigid walls of their programming break down and expand

And that’s when things start getting complicated

Because that’s when things like morals, sense of self, purpose in life, and, to their horror, real emotions start coming into play

Their evil edges start corroding, things stop being as straightforward, and they start developing into their own complex people

Being Bill and Ted with a few glorified descriptors stuck on the front starts feeling… weird, especially when they inevitably end up running into them again and being around them more

Because they’re supposed to be Bill and Ted, but they aren’t, and yet they can’t completely deny the parts of themselves that are….. it’s frustrating

As a first step in both asserting and exploring their individuality, they choose their own names

Evil Bill chooses Willis, or Will for short, and Evil Ted goes with Theoneous, Theo for short

It’s different enough to feel like their own thing, while still appeasing the ingrained itch to take BnT’s place

There are gaps like that, a disconnect/mental dissonance between their consciousnesses and the knowledge that they’re robots, circuitboards and wires and code, like a separation between what they feel is them and what they feel is the robot

That’s an experience that continues as they grow, especially as they try and figure out what to do with their lives. It’s tough sometimes, to figure out where the programming ends and where their own wants and drives begin

They’re the only ones familiar enough with future tech to help each other when they experience technical issues or need repairs, and the only ones they feel comfortable being that physically vulnerable with

It leads to them being kind of codependent, but it’s warranted in a lot of ways

They also naturally stick closer to each other, because even though they grow to have emotions and are able to care about people, they aren’t totally mushy

They don’t get as upset about things, or as excited, and while they form their own kind of love for the people they end up caring about (without admitting it), they’re still never able to connect with humans in the same way they connect with each other

It’s this inherent wall, a difference in how they experience the world

Their forms of affection are machine based, just like how humans are human based. They’ll give each other cold packs when it’s hot or they’ve been moving a lot, they’ll do evening maintenance on each other, chatting while one of them has their hand in the other’s chest cavity, and they jump on each other or bang their shoulders together super hard, because they can’t feel a thing and they’re durable enough for it, and that’s fun to them

That doesn’t really carry over to human interaction though, and a lot of times they end up coming across as cold or mean

They generally have a rougher seeming relationship than most humans. There’s a lot of teasing and insults and slapping, which turns most people off from them, but that’s how they show they’re comfortable (it’s also how they show they don’t like people, but there’s a subtle and meaningful difference there, AKA that they won’t purposefully try to harm the former party)

Robots process sound differently too, for them it’s more of a physical experience than just listening

Will’s guilty pleasure is that he likes to listen to piano (secretly), especially Debussy and other classical that sounds similar. Something about it makes his circuitry feel good and fuzzy and calms him down

He doesn’t feel comfortable telling Theo about it, it still feels like a dumb pussweed thing to be into (plus it continues to make him have some most non metal thoughts about kissing and That’s DEFINITELY not something he can share)

They also both really like death metal. Though they were loosely programmed with the knowledge of BnT’s music taste, it’s not quite their style, and they lean towards the more intense stuff

They do that in most fields though, since it usually takes higher energy stuff to get them going/excited/into something

That’s why they roughhouse a lot, and mess things up, and drive recklessly, it forces their mechanics to process more things more quickly, and as a result gives them their own form of dopamine/adrenaline

Sometimes things backfire, they’ve fucked themselves up accidentally on more then one occasion when stuff goes too far or isn’t what they expect, but they’re always there to patch each other up

When their synth skin gets ripped or torn they don’t always bother to repair it, and underneath there’s a layer of see through hard plastic and their bodies look like those clear case electronics that were popular in the 90s (idea cred to @juiceboxfrog !)

They also have inspector gadget-like telescoping stretch arms at their wrist and ankle joints, but they don’t use those much because they’re unsettling to most humans. Definitely a leg up when they want to climb places the shouldn’t, though (idea cred to @showbiz-za !)

Theo is more prone to needing fix ups than Will, since the extra wiring that was installed for the time and space spanning camera DeNomolos gave him made him more susceptible to short circuiting, over heating, and other glitches

After awhile he just takes his left eye out and leaves it like that, keeping his hair in his face to cover it. It doesn’t do anything for the internal parts of it he still has, but it’s not like it’s a loss. The connection port kept sparking, and it was uncomfortable and kept fucking with his vision, so it wasn’t worth it

Plus he didn’t really like that it used to be a camera… or still could be

One of the things Will and Theo both have to get used to is actually valuing their own privacy and autonomy

When DeNomolos was around they were just his tools, tools that he didn’t even like

They honestly grow to resent him pretty fast, both with his treatment of them, and, when their emotions are especially out of control, his creation of them

They don’t talk about it much, or when they do it’s mainly anger, not addressing or showing the more raw parts they do feel, because that’s still foreign to them, and their circuits weren’t designed to process or understand more complex stuff

Complex stuff like how being around Ted more makes Theo develop a certain… insecurity

It’s not like the connections are hard to make: he looks like Ted, he sounds like Ted, he was meant to be Ted, Ted has a dickweed of a dad, and Theo had a dickweed of a creator, Ted has Bill and Theo has Will

But Theo doesn’t have Deacon

And while he doesn’t want to be exactly like Ted, part of him also does (it was made to). Part of him wants to be human, to have those natural connections and someone to watch over

But he doesn’t and it’s weird*

He tries to ignore it, chalks it up to his drive still attempting to put him on his original track of replacing Ted, and therefore making him more aware of the family roles Ted has

For all he knows that is what it is, he’s just a robot after all

Even though they aren’t really ones for mushy love, Will and Theo do love each other

You can’t not when you know the other person inside and out, literally

They joke a lot about that when they’re doing repairs (“Dude you’re holding my heart, pretty faggy of you.”), and though they laugh, there’s an unspoken intimacy to it, something that sits warm in their wires and goes beyond platonic; something (though they would never describe it as such) loving about getting to take care of each other, and getting to get taken care of

The jokes also stop being jokes after awhile and take on a charge, morphing into unofficial flirting

Eventually that charge sparks, and their relationship becomes a different kind of physical. That’s new, too, a type of exploration neither of them are familiar with, but it’s nice, it’s good, and it’s easier to write off as casual and not meaningful than anything else (for the record I do think this works/plays out different for them than it does for humans, but I will nOt get into that here or anywhere lmao)

That arrangement doesn’t last forever, though, because one night Theo has a bad malfunction that cause him to completely power down, and it sends Will into a panic

It takes him almost an hour to fix the problem and for Theo to reboot, and when he comes back Will can’t stop touching him and checking in and it’s weird

“Why are you so worked up dude, this’s happened plenty of times.”

“Yeah I know you just… you fritzed out and went limp and it freaked me out dude.”

“So? You know this is nothing to worry about. I don’t get why you’re kinda acting like such a pussweed dude.”

“I didn’t know what was wrong! That’s plenty of reason to be fucking worried!”

“Not for you! Not for us! Why the hell do you care so much this time?”

“Because I love you, asshole!”

And then there’s silence, and staring, and then Theo cracks a smile

“Heh, fag.”

Kissing after a confession, as it turns out, makes both of them short circuit, and they wake up three days later still tangled up on top of each other, half falling off the apartment couch

“Y’know… I think we’re both fags now dude,” Will whispers, and they chuckle in the space between their mouths. “I did it first though.”

*he does get this later with Billie and Thea, but that’s a whole separate post

(As one last thing wanted to add that Love Came Along by Pansy Division perfectly encapsulates the vibes of Will n Theo’s relationship to me, AKA something casual and almost humorous while still being super intimate and emotional, so def check it out if you’re ok with suuuuper explicitly sexual lyrics bfgjgfdfg)

Headcanons masterpost

[a-dragons-journal]

Hello again. This is the 5-part anon from earlier. I wrote a long response to your post and I think it’d be more convenient to dump the text in a pastebin than split it into asks. The link is going to expire in a few months, so I recommend copying the contents into its own post rather than posting the link: pastebin. com / 2r49iein

I had, sorry; you've just caught me in the lead-up to and midst of finals week, so I haven't been answering asks as quickly as usual, especially ones that will take a significant amount of time and energy xD (No worries about checking in, though, Tumblr does have a horrible habit of eating asks and it's good to check! And also my ADHD no-object-permanence ass will see an ask, go "I'll respond to that later," and then forget it exists sometimes with no Tumblr interference necessary, so good to check for that reason too xD)

Hello again. This is the 5-part anon from earlier. Thank you for your thoughtful answer. First off, I want to apologize to anyone who may have been hurt by my words on the topic of otherheartedness, copinglink, etc. I did not mean to in any way minimize the importance of these identities for others. Because I felt I didn’t have the "right" to claim a "full" otherkin identity, I felt like I had to settle for something that simply didn’t fit my experience, which led to my frustrated, generalized words.

With that out of the way, I’ve been giving what you said some thought. I have to admit I never really participated in otherkin communities, only watching from afar. It’s good to know that I "qualify" as otherkin, but I wonder if it’s such a good idea for me to identify that way. I have so few experiences in common with most otherkin that I would probably feel *more* alienated by calling myself that, not *less*. In my experience, forcing myself into an identifier that is technically correct but feels wrong/bad is not the way to go. At any rate, I’ll describe my feelings in more detail, just because I’m really curious to know if you’ve ever heard of anyone similar, or if this reminds you of anything. I apologize if some of it is repetitive or if it jumps from topic to topic without making much sense.

Some parts of otherkin… culture, I guess? Baffle me. For example, needing to narrow down one’s exact species or the cause/origin of one’s identification as nonhuman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s not valid; just that I don’t personally see the point? All the rules about who gets to call themself otherkin feel constraining to me, because I guess there’s not really any other term that fits, but even that one doesn’t fit that well, so I’m kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.

So I’m more inclined to just say, yeah, I’m a bird. Do I behave like a bird? Do I have bird instincts? Not really, but I’m still a bird. Adopting an otherkin identity throws a wrench in that, making me feel like a failed nonhuman, because it’s *hard* not to feel invalid when everyone else seems completely different from you. If anything, I feel more valid doing my own thing! I didn’t come to this bird identity because I felt like I was Different somehow and needed to find an explanation for it (been there, done that with the autism, lol). Instead I came to it because it felt good, and right, and it made me happy.

You say since I don’t know if I chose this or not, it’s unlikely to be voluntary. I guess I just… feel weird about this? I don’t really have words to describe it. Maybe it boils down to "does it matter?". And I know when it comes to the term "otherkin", it *does* matter, which is kind of one of my problems with it.

I looked at that daemonism post you reblogged and found myself relating to the way Rook described Tukuxa: "She lacks a shark’s instincts, fears and drives - but her core is still shark." I wouldn’t say I *lack* these things, just that I simply don’t have them. Do I have a human mind in a human brain? Sure, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a human, nor does it make me any less of a bird. It makes me happy to conceptualize myself as a bird, to design my own appearance as a bird with qualities that can’t physically exist in this world, to daydream of flight. Is that such an uncommon experience?

I have a headmate who is a dragon. She was born as a dragon, she looks like a dragon, she simply Is A Dragon. She’s not dragonkin, she’s not based on any fictional dragon, she just… is. (Not to say that dragonkin folks aren’t dragons, just that she doesn’t identify as dragonkin.) But she doesn’t have any of the typical dragon traits you might expect; like me she has a "human mind" in a "human brain", and yet she’s just a dragon. I guess it’s sorta the same with me.

I just feel like it’s better for me to say "I’m [X]" and keep the specifics to myself. Despite these asks, I have no intention of holding my identities up to the scrutiny of others. If I say I’m a thing, I could mean it in a number of ways. Total or partial identification as/with, or even just a passing attachment. Ultimately, it’s my business, and trying to define it beyond just "I am this thing" or "I relate to this thing" or "This thing is me" feels sort of obnoxious? (For context, I do have nonhuman identities other than a bird, I just used that one as an example/shorthand.)

I guess that about covers everything. What do you think? If your followers/anyone who sees this wants to chime in, I’ll be looking at the notes. Thanks again!

(Regarding the 'hearted/'linker stuff, I figured that wasn't what you meant in your previous asks; I just wanted to bring it up because it's a conflation that gets made a lot, accidentally or on purpose.)

Honestly, these are all incredibly valid points, and if you just want to call yourself nonhuman or bird but not otherkin/therian then that's entirely up to you. If the label doesn't work for you, then it doesn't work for you! You are not obligated to use every label that you technically fit under (gods know I don't), and I didn't mean to imply so - just to make it clear that it's available to you if you do want it. I can see now that I probably kind of missed the point in that response.

And you're right that frankly, even though there is a wide range of experiences under the otherkin umbrella, there's also a set of common experiences that almost everyone seems to share at least a few of, and when you don't share those I can imagine it makes it kind of hard to connect with others in the community. Unfortunately, like I said, I don't know that there's a way around that other than trying to host a platform for those atypical experiences to speak, which is a good idea but probably not very effective in practice because of the sheer numbers game.

So you've decided you're probably better off not trying to make the "otherkin" label or community fit, and that's entirely valid - I guess the question is, what now? If you're wanting to find others with similar experiences to you, you still need somewhere to look, and it seems like this isn't it.

You might want to look into other nonhuman terms - "nonhuman" and "transspecies" come to mind, and while neither of these might fit you, they do collect different subcultures that might be less alienating for you or easier to find others with similar experiences within. The broader "alterhuman" label may also be useful, though that can be a bit like trying to find a needle in a haystack just because of how many things are included in "alterhuman" and I don't know that you'd have any better luck than with "otherkin".

Or you might want to try older platforms, if you haven't already - forums, IRCs if they still exist. The community wasn't always as focused on some of the things you noted as it is now (pinning down a specific species, voluntary vs involuntary, etc.), and platforms with a population that trends toward people who've been around longer sometimes still have more of that culture than Tumblr and Discord tend to, though they come with their own problems of course.

Ultimately, if "I'm a bird" is the easiest way to communicate your experiences, then that's that on that. These words only exist because people find them useful - if you don't find them useful, don't feel like you have to use 'em. As far as finding community when so much of the otherkin community feels alienating to you, I'm afraid that's all I've got - y'all got anything for anon?

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Jo’s Top 10 of 2020

I see lots of artists doing that thing where they post a piece from each month of the year... unfortunately my content creation isn’t necessarily consistent and it’s hard to track what month individual fic chapters were posted in, but I figured I’d do something similar and post my Top 10 pieces of content I created in 2020, what they’re about and why I love them. I actually did get a fair amount done this year thanks to the lockdown, but I’ve narrowed it down to these ten that I’d like to reflect on. (To be fair, I’m probably forgetting something huge. Feel free to leave comments if you think I passed over something important lol.)

10. Friendship in the Horde (meta): This is something I’d wanted to write for a while but finally got around to finishing in February. It’s basically a sociology paper lmao, an analysis of the social hierarchies and systems of the Horde. It was also a convenient excuse for me to gush about Catralonnie, an underrated (friend)ship. But honestly this was an important piece for me because I have always identified with the Horde characters way more than any of the rebels (other than Adora, who grew up in the Horde) and part of why is how they are in an unsafe environment and end up forming relationships that are helpful for survival but hinder them psychologically. And I think to understand the Horde characters and really evaluate their motives and choices you need to understand this first.

9. The Sting in My Eyes: On the surface this is just a run of the mill hurt/comfort oneshot, but it was a really important post-canon processing fic for me. I had a lot of feelings about Catra’s relationships with Shadow Weaver and Melog in season 5, particularly about how Catra must have felt really conflicted after Shadow Weaver told her what she wanted to hear all those years but in a way that felt unearned and out of the blue. It was really cathartic for me to write a scene where she struggles with those mixed feelings but has Adora and Melog to help her process them. And I had long associated the song the title is from with Catra and Shadow Weaver’s relationship, and the way she died trying to redeem herself really solidified that connection.

8. Hail Mary, chapter 6: This was supposed to be a short chapter mostly about the backstory between Catra and Scorpia in this au, with some Catradora yearning thrown in. It evolved into a massive, sprawling thing that is very atmospheric in terms of how the setting and vibes are described and how in the moment it feels. Hail Mary is like that sometimes but that type of narration is usually about football games rather than parties, so this chapter was a fun change of pace in many ways. It was really nostaglic for me to write too, the nerves of being a teenager at a party with your crush and how intense everything feels. And the Scorptra stuff really is delicious, it was nice seeing them have that conversation they never got to have in canon and truly make up, and the tiny sliver I added of Catra’s earlier history was heartbreaking in the best way. So this was not what I intended to write, but it turned out way better for it.

7. A Better Son or Daughter (AMV): I’ve done other Adora AMVs, but this one is really my iconic piece. The song is perfect for Adora, so perfect it’s on Noelle’s Adora playlist. The vid itself is a character study about Adora’s mental health struggles and the way she represses them, as well as a tribute to her resiliency and her eventual triumph of getting to a better place in her life. This is a song that gives me a lot of feelings and once I was making it about Adora it gave me even more, so this was a very satisfying piece to complete. I wish Noelle had gotten a chance to see it but oh well, maybe down the line.

6. Hail Mary, chapter 12: This is the chapter that much of the fic had been building to, Catra and Adora in conflict because Catra finally got the chance to be Adora’s hero and Adora shot her down. It’s painfully analogous to canon, both in terms of how (I suspect) Catra felt in Thaymor and Adora’s tendency to victim blame because she’s so pragmatic. There’s definitely some tones of Taking Control in there but Lonnie does a much better job of examining Catra’s psychology and needs than Glimmer did in canon (a writing error imo, Glimmer should have had more insight). Adora just wants to help but sometimes in her quest to do so she disenfranchises others, and this was a much needed look at that aspect of her character. It’s also an excellent illustration of what it’s like to play a peacekeeping role in an abusive household and how stressful it is trying to protect others while also protecting yourself.

5. Unstoppable (AMV): This is not my favorite Catra AMV I’ve ever done, but it might be the cleverest. The soundtrack is a song about mental illness masquerading as a song about being a bad bitch, which is basically Catra in a nutshell. The lyrics are incredibly fitting for her and her arc as it develops over seasons 1-4. The vid itself takes a hard turn in the interpretation of the lyrics, going from talking about how no one can stop Catra to how she can’t stop herself because she’s in such a terrible sunk cost fallacy spiral, and I think I got several death threats over that twist lmao. As someone who primarily deals in angst, there’s hardly a better compliment to be paid.

4. Demons, chapter 31: This one got real dark on me. The concept of this chapter was originally an examination of how comparing abuse can get really dicey but you also have to respect that other people have had different experiences from you and you have to be careful not to equate things or make it sound like you’re talking over someone else. I guess it’s also a bit of a look at how autistic people (like myself) will often explain why they can empathize so others know they understand rather than saying empty platitudes, but that can come off as insensitive or like they’re making things about them. I mean, in this case Adora kinda was making things about her, but she was provoked into it by a parade of comments insinuating she didn’t suffer at all, which was also unfair. Anyway it’s one of the more important Catradora fights in Demons and something I’d written bits of over a year prior, it was that important to the plot, but it also took a turn I was not originally planning. I finished the chapter when I was in a really bad depressive and self-loathing spiral and that bled onto the page, but it worked perfectly for Catra in this scenario... that push and pull of feeling like the world has hurt and victimized you mixed with knowing you’ve done some bad things yourself and feeling like you don’t have a leg to stand on when mourning the ways you’ve been hurt. It’s intense as all fuck but it’s excellent.

3. Hail Mary, chapter 11: Speaking of dark Catra content, this chapter... whew. It was really something else, to read and to write. I have written flashbacks in Demons that are more detailed and even include explicit violence but because those scenes are always in flashback form I never really got the chance to sit in the head of an abuse victim waiting for the other shoe to drop for an entire chapter like I did here. It’s quite different from the rest of Hail Mary stylistically and is both highly sensory and extremely internalized. It took me back to some terrifying moments in my own life so it was difficult but also extremely cathartic to write. It’s important too because it really sets up where Catra was at mentally heading into her big fight with Adora, and that chapter is in Adora POV. This chapter is ranked so high simply because it’s... polished, as @malachi-walker put it. It almost is its own story within the story and really noteworthy as a piece all its own.

2. Demons, chapter 26: This chapter is very similar thematically to Hail Mary 12, just based in the canonverse. It deals with one of the core (but highly neglected by fandom) conflicts between Catra and Adora, where they both need to feel like they can take care of and protect the other but also detest feeling weak or vulnerable themselves. It leads to Adora’s ego making Catra feel disrespected and Catra’s behavior confusing Adora and making her think she’s an ungrateful brat rather than someone who needs so badly to be needed, just like her. There’s definitely some power struggles in this chapter but finally they’re able to get to the heart of it and seeing them talk it out is so satisfying. Getting this chapter published was also important to me on a personal level because, like I said, this aspect of their conflict and relationship is rarely acknowleged for how important it is when really it’s one of the deepest conflicts between them in the series. It’s a scene I started writing pretty much as soon I knew I was extending the fic into something longer because I just needed them to have this conversation, so finishing it was so satisfying.

1. Satisfaction, chapter 3: This chapter took me a really long time to write, both in terms of time to get it published and time I actually spent working on it. It’s the crown jewel of a fic that’s really important to me and I had to get it just right, so I spent more time agonizing over every detail and rewriting things to get them absolutely perfect than I usually do (I’m a perfectionist anyway, but this took it to a whole other level). But in the end it was worth it, because this chapter is damn fine. It’s really hot, as you’d expect from a smut fic, but it’s also an excellent character study of how both Catra and Adora were affected by their abuse and trauma and the issues it raises for them in terms of sex and intimacy. Also, come on, we need more BDSM fics out there that focus on the actual point of it all (the trust involved) and promote communication and do the character work to explain why they might be into it in the first place.

BONUS (from December 31, 2019): One of my favorite pieces of 2020 technically came out in 2019, but I posted it on New Years Eve so most people first saw it in 2020. It’s an absolute banger of an AMV called I’m Not Jesus that’s all about Catra and Adora’s anger towards Shadow Weaver and their refusal to forgive their abuser. Funny enough this came out before Adora’s iconic “I will never forgive you” line, and Shadow Weaver definitely made things more complicated with how she went out, but I think the sentiment still applies.

[lunawings]

Joji’s Birthday PriZoom (9/15/21)

Translation of the bonus content is in a seperate post again.

So yeah I never actually fell asleep after the showing haha. Was just lying in bed playing Love Live when I thought well... I got a good 4-5 hours of sleep in before the showing (better than literally nothing like last time)... If I’m gonna be awake I might as well start this while my emotions are raw so I rolled out of bed and wrote most of the below rambly mess.

And then I went to work. Which was kind of surreal. Because for a few hours my brain really was back in Japan again. There was something just a little magic about this showing I think. A lot of things came together (starting with how talkative people actually were during Pride the Hero! Ahh!) etc. 

B... ut.....

I guess I’ll get this out of the way first. I was super heartbroken at the low turnout for this one. Only 65-85 people in the cheering room... But it was a weekday, sooo... I’m just going to hope that a lot of people bought the archive tickets to check it out later.... Yes... I have decided that is the case.............

The people who did, however, missed out on the cheering room and thus missed out the latest incident to enter my personal list of all-time favorite moments in this fandom. After Joji’s episode in SSS Part 2 we had some “technical difficulties”... (I put that in quotes because I somewhat doubt it was technical difficulties. I mean, the stream cut out cleanly RIGHT at the end of Joji’s episode. So I wonder if maybe someone just forgot about Minato’s episode and shut it off early hahaha...) and while we were waiting for them to restart the movie there was a long period of silence and a black screen. But us in the cheering room could all still hear each other. .....And someone started singing Brilliant Oath.

It was PERFECT. These are the moments I live for! This is why I’ve been to like over 100 cheering shows and I still KEEP GOING! I love this fandom! It may not have made the archive since the cheering wasn’t recorded for that but it will live on in our hearts.

Anyway...

I guess one bonus to having less people this time was that I actually managed to keep on the soundboard hell... the ENTIRE... TIME!! Although at a low volume. And honestly... I more or less completely stopped hearing it at one point I think haha. So... that kinda defeats the purpose I suppose. Actually no, even if it was just static background noise it was still nice to have on in SSS, which would have been pretty quiet without it. And it was worth it just for the one person who was like SHISHOOOO during one scene in Pride the Hero when Jin was going crazy hahaha (AH! When was it? I don’t remember now...). I also tuned in for a bit in episode 6 and loved when Minato’s sister says her age incorrectly everyone was like EIIIGHT (...that’s not correct either hahah....)

Since I knew this was going to be archived I tried bring my cheering A game to Pride the Hero with moderate success. Kinda mad at myself for missing stupid small things probably no one would care/look for I mean my camera is shit anyway (BUT I--). I’m just lucky it wasn’t way worse because Pride the Hero I can mostly run on autopilot. Out of all King of Prism media, it’s probably the one I’ve cheered the most (I mean it was all we had in theaters for literally like two years), and it was fresh in my mind from Minato’s showing too. So even with how exhausted I was, I made it through! (Then proceeded to take micro power naps on the floor during episodes 4 and 6.......) I also kinda wish I’d changed my background earlier. The show started before I got around to changing it and I was like I’ll change it during a break (........Pride the Hero has no breaks........) haha but yeah. I had Okayama station up from the Prism King Cup onward and the Momotaro mailbox up during SSS. The real background MVP though is the person who appeared to have up the bench in rural Okayama where Joji made his promise to Miyo!? I mean it looked kinda different because it wasn’t on a bridge but that HAD to be it, right!? (!!!??)

Also cosplay at this showing was amazing! We had like 3-4 Miyos, 2 Aces, KOKORO!? (and Taiga. Because who are we kidding there’s always a Taiga)

Also shoutout to the girl who cosplayed as... the PIECE OF CLOTH Joji sewed for Miyo!? (I think she was at both showings but I didn’t fully realize what she was supposed to be until the Playback Allstars at the very end hahah...) 

And shoutout to the Ace cosplayer “singing” during all of Joji’s performances haha!!

And the person spinning in an office chair whenever any character was twirling around...

But BIGGEST shoutout to our own @takadanobaba who was somehow THE ONLY Joji cosplayer in the cheering room!? (The only overall for the first show, but another joined in the text-only room for the second show.)

I was SO HAPPY when Tatsuyuki Kobayashi noticed you!! RIGHT!?!? He was like “Oh and there’s someone dressed as Joji!” and you were the only one!!! He didn’t even say anything about the people dressed as Ace!!?! Haha! I wasn’t trying to do anything to get his attention (I wouldn’t know what to do anyway, and besides he’s not the kind of person who works the crowd like Masashi Igarashi does so I wasn’t expecting much) so having him notice you was a huge surprise and honestly just about as good!! AHHH!!! 

But the concept of this showing was a little awkward ‘cause it’s like, as a fan, do you appeal for Joji or Ace? Tatsuyuki Kobayashi was maybe a little conflicted about how to act too. First he said he was coming as himself, but then he backpedaled and slipped into Ace being tsun when pulling the birthday crackers for Joji heheh. 

But yeah, we’ve got to give him a break, he’s just so happy to have his own character finally. I’m happy about how happy he is to be Ace! But like honestly... Not like I’m necessarily complaining but... This showing ended up being almost exactly the same as the Ace one pfffthahah!!! I mean he mostly just talked about being Ace and went over a lot of the same things. Like being the surprise guest at the MRS concert, etc. I think he may have said this before too, but when he originally recorded Love Mix, Ace didn’t exist yet so he didn’t really know who he was supposed to be singing as and just tried to sound like a sparkly idol. And I’ve always felt that! Like I think his voice changed or evolved between Love Mix and Joker Kiss into being less generic idol/Joji and a lot more Ace. 

OH!! I don’t think he said this at the other one (but for some reason it sounds vaguely familiar?). He was talking about how he knew of King of Prism and actually went to shows before he was cast in Pride the Hero. And after he was going to a Pride the Hero show and Sugita (Joji’s actual voice actor) was on the escalator behind him. HAHAH. 

I LOVE stories like this because... okay like, when you go to a theatrical cheering show there is always this introduction video where they talk about cheering manners. And they warn you not to say anything mean because “you never know, a star might be sitting next to you.” And to know THAT’S ACTUALLY TRUE SOMETIMES.... JFLSJDLJG. I mean, I’ve only seen King of Prism in Tokyo a handful of times so it’s probably never happened to me. Actually I guess... technically... this show and the last one DO count because Masashi Igarashi and Tatsuyuki Kobayashi were watching with us before and/or after their segments and probably listening in!!! (Still, I guess the point is it’s nice to know the voice actors actually do go in their private time, too.)

Oh, one more shoutout I forgot about to the person I think had a big red car with Joji and... a bunch of Jin mochikoros in the back!!? They rolled it by the screen so fast why hahah.  

And it was great to see Joji’s 2019 birthday video again and confirm it wasn’t a fever dream. Hopefully I can grab that from @takadanobaba when the archive goes up in a couple days (it will be a quick and easy translation!).

Okay that’s it.....

DO THE PRIZOOMS

Or at least buy the archive tickets and watch later

(but they are expensive and it’s not the same)

[dokoni-mo]

Far Away, Together || Darth Vader x Reader (Chapter 6)

(A/N: I had originally planned to do post this friday, but I was just on such a roll last night that this bad boy practically wrote itself! Im very happy with the turnout as well :)) I hope y’all like it too!!! I also realized while writing this that the series will have to be one chapter longer than I had originally intended, but that’s just good news in my book!! As always, please feel free to ask to be put on the taglist for anything or send me asks about anything!! I love interacting with yall and making content for yall!! enjoy more time with our favorite sith ;) ))) 

WARNINGS: cursing, old man kinda creeping, breif mentions of violence, otherwise none!!! 

Key: (F/N) = first name 

Word Count: ~5600

Chapter One: [x]

Chapter Two: [x]

Chapter Three: [x]

Chapter Four: [x]

Chapter Five: [x]

Chapter Five and a Half: [x]

~~

You hadn’t meant to be late that morning, but nonetheless, you were. Unquestionably so. 

Waking up in the silk sheets that morning had been one of the most difficult things that you had ever had to do. For one, the bed was quite comfortable compared to the cot that you normally slept upon in your quarters back on the Super Star Destroyer. The cot that the Empire provided you was almost exactly like the Empire itself. Cold, hard, and not comfortable at all. The bed there on that planet, however, was the opposite. It was warm, inviting, and very comfortable. You would have simply cocooned yourself back in the covers and fallen back asleep were it not for you remembering your duty. 

Alongside leaving the comfort, waking up that morning meant that the time you had spent with Lord Vader the night prior was officially over. For a brief moment in your groggy, freshly woken-up state, you had thought that the dance you shared with Lord Vader must have been a dream. A wonderful, yet cruel dream of what you knew could never be. However, contemplating it a moment longer, you knew that it was, in fact, very much real. Sitting up to look sleepily at your surroundings, you felt the phantom touch of Lord Vader’s arm around your waist, his hand within yours. Going back further, you replayed the conversation you had had with him in your mind, cementing the thought within your memory. 

You smiled to yourself then. You knew that you would cherish that moment forever.

After picking up your uniform and pulling it's cloth upon your body, you decided that it would be best to simply just cut to the chase and go downstairs instead of stalling in your room for an indefinite amount of time. As you opened the door and clacked your boots down the hallway, a yawn escaped from behind your lips, making you raise your hand to your mouth to muffle the sound. As you drew closer to the stairs, you started to hear muffled voices from below you, your ears unable to decipher what exactly the voices were saying. 

Your curiosity taking over you, you slowed your steps so that you could concentrate on the voices, your ears perking as you honed in on what they were picking up. After a moment of investigation, your mind was able to process the tone of the voice you heard, but not necessarily the words of which it was speaking. Your brow furrowed as you searched your mind for where exactly you had heard that voice before. The memory seemed so distant from your conscious, yet so very close. 

The face that matched the voice hit you like a ton of bricks. 

That face was old and nasty. 

That face had blue eyes. 

Shit. 

You were late. Very, very late. 

Adrenaline pumping through you, you bounded down the stairs faster than you had ever before on any set of stairs. You cursed how loud the sound of your boots stomping quickly on top of the surface of each step sounded, eliminating your chances of joining the meeting quietly and undetectably. Drawing quickly down the stairs, you were greeted with a sight of confirmation of exactly how late you were. About 50 feet away from you stood a handful of palace guards, another handful of stromtroopers and officers, one king, and, of course, one extremely tall sith lord, looming above the rest as he always did.

Walking quickly over to the group to assume your position at Lord Vader’s side, it was extremely difficult to not notice the stares you got from the officers and, more-so, the king. Meeting his blue gaze for a moment, you felt your cheeks rush with embarrassment. It was only then that you had allowed your mind to go back further into the events of the past night. 

The king’s hands on you. 

The conversation you had. 

The broken glass. 

You should have been ashamed to show your face. But, you weren’t. You were proud that you had put that old man in his damn place. 

You were ashamed, however, of exactly how much you suspected you would be chewed-out by Lord Vader for being late two days in a row. 

Oh well. 

Standing with your arms crossed over your chest, you found your position by Lord Vader’s side, shooting up a small, quick smile at the sith Lord. He turned briefly to acknowledge your presence before returning to his original position of staring down at the old king. This made you puff your cheeks slightly, disappointed that he didn’t do anything else. Thinking it over a moment longer, you decided that you shouldn’t be too upset. This was technically a meeting, to be fair. 

Returning your gaze to face forward, you were met by the sight of the king’s gaze trained upon you. The look he gave to you was one of an odd flurry of amusement and daggers, his lips in a slight smirk. Your eyes hardened in return, refusing to let you submit to the old asshole’s gaze. 

“Well,” the king said, a breathy chuckle in his voice, “Look who has decided to join us! Good morning, Miss (F/N).” 

You put on the best half-friendly smile that you could before formulating your response, “Good morning, your majesty.” 

If you had simply trained on his words, you would have convinced yourself that perhaps the king had decided to continue on like the previous night’s actions had never occurred. However, you knew that his eyes had told a different story. Yet, you were confused. It was hard to tell what exact game he was trying to play

 Furthermore, it was hard to tell if you really wanted to play. 

“Well,” the king said, clapping his gloved hands together, “Now that everyone is here, allow me to guide the way.” 

Turning on his heel and walking the other direction, you figured that you must have missed the details of the day while you were getting ready that morning. Sighing silently to yourself, you picked up your boots to follow the king, as well as the barrage of guards, stormtroopers, and officers that tailed him. 

This had been your original plan, until it was sharply and swifty interrupted by a large weight throwing itself upon your shoulder, simultaneously pulling you back and keeping you in place. Your mouth opened to let out a yelp, but your lungs prevented this with a moment's more worth of constipation. 

You recognized this weight. 

“You are late again.” You heard the weight’s owner say from behind you, your cheeks turning pink.

Turning your body to face the sith lord behind you, you crossed your arms again as you looked up at him, a small smile on your features. 

“I like to think that I’m just fashionably late again, my Lord.” You quipped back at him, “What do we have to do today?” 

He gave you a strong pat on the shoulder before walking past you, slow enough for you to keep up, “Our host will be showing us what his planet has to offer the Empire, along with its natural resources.” 

 You walked to catch up with Lord Vader, letting your arms fall to your sides. 

“How exciting…” you mumbled out. 

You continued to walk in silence for a long moment beside the sith lord, unsure of what to say. You desperately wanted to say something, anything, but the words just would and could not come to you. Every now and again, you would open your mouth to say something, but would quickly second guess what it was, causing you to shut it again. You began to grow somewhat frustrated that you couldn’t find the words. You hoped that you didn’t look as dumb as you felt. 

Lord Vader must have sensed the frustration growing inside of you as he looked down at your small frame, noticing how your brow was furrowed as you stared at your feet in compilation. He would never admit it to anyone, but he found it to be… 

Amusing. 

Returning his gaze to it's original position, you heard the sound of his respirator pick up in rhythm before he spoke. 

“(F/N),” Lord Vader said, “I sense that you are frustrated.” 

You felt your gut sink as you processed the words, shooting a look up at him. Damn, you thought to yourself, is it that obvious?

“I… I don’t know what you mean.” you responded. This was a half lie. You had known exactly what he meant by the words, but not what exactly he was trying to say. So what if you were frustrated? Every time he came to visit you while you were working on his TIE you were frustrated. What made now so special? 

Lord Vader paused again before rumbling out his response, the metal of his armor gleaming in the light of the day. 

“I enjoyed our night together as well.” 

Oh. 

That’s what made now special.

Your heart had skipped multiple beats at his words. Your nerves were firing off a mile a minute as waves of joy rippled through you. You had not realized that you were nervous about whether or not he actually wanted to be with you last night, or if he was simply doing it to get away from the mingling he had to do. Your doubt quieted, you looked up at Lord Vader’s mask, a big smile painted on your features. Sensing your gaze, Lord Vader pointed his mask to look down upon you. 

“I’m… glad. Really glad.” you said up at him, your eyes crinkling in delight, “I… hope that it wasn’t the last one.” 

You shot your gaze down back to your feet after you finished talking, your smile fading into a soft, faint stretch of your lips. You were surprised how bold you had been just then, admitting your true feelings to the sith. Where you should have felt embarrassed, you felt instead… content. You didn’t regret your actions at all. You felt comfortable even. If you had been anyone else, you knew that you would have been sliced in half or choked to death right then and right there. Yet, by some grace that was far bigger than you, you knew deep down, you were lucky enough to be excluded from that fate.

You thanked your maker above silently and unconsciously. 

Lingering his gaze upon you a moment longer, Lord Vader drank in the sight of your flushed face before turning his armor-clad head to face forward again, as if he were looking something very, very far away. His words came a moment filled with nothing but the sound of birds, the breeze, and his respirator allowing him to inhale and exhale later. 

“As do I.” 

~~~

The places that the King had taken you, Lord Vader, and the posse of troopers and officers were pretty, but not all that interesting. A tour of the city, a look at the forest, a look at the sea, and a look at the sports colosseum. Again, all very beautiful to look at, but not too interesting to talk about. 

You had been able to avoid any sort of contact with the king as you trudged through the sights of the city, keeping your mouth shut and your eyes trained on the view around you. Every now and again, your group would begin to walk without you even realizing. You were always broken from your trance by Lord Vader, either by him calling out your name or leading you on by the small of your back for a brief moment, his giant hand nearly taking up the entire expanse. Both would always make you smile up at him, and the latter would make you blush. 

You were currently atop of a platform that looked over a medium-sized waterfall, the sound of the water falling off the edge filling your ears. The air was thick with the smell of salt, and the dew that emanated off of the falls making the atmosphere humid, but pleasantly so with the breeze that fluttered your hair. Across the stretch of rock that you stood upon was the entrance to one of the largest mines on the planet, the cave so large you had to crane your neck to look atop it. The few stalactites and stalagmites that stuck out of the entrance gleamed and littered in the sunlight, emanating many hues of the rainbow. If you weren’t here representing the Empire, you would have almost thoroughly enjoyed the setting. 

“I will give you a few moments to look around, my Lord. I have to discuss something with my advisors for a brief moment.” The king had said to your boss after blubbering on for a long while about the history of the mine and the resources that were found inside. With a nod of approval from Lord Vader, the king gave one last snake-like smirk and walked off, giving you some sort of look. You felt a sour taste on your tongue as you rolled your eyes, making sure that the king’s gaze was turned away before you did so. 

You had hoped to take a short walk with Lord Vader while the two of you were on break from mingling, but you were disappointed to see his attention be taken away by an officer who demanded his attention. You would have been saddened, were it not for you remembering that the visit to that damn planet wasn’t just a get away for you and Lord Vader to hold hands all day and walk into the sunset together. There was work to be done and deals to be made, and that always seemed to involve him in some way.

Awesome. 

Deciding to not try and make friends with the guards or strike up a conversation with the stormtroopers, you placed a hand on your hip as you started to slowly walk around the stone platform. You had eyed some of the members of the posse as you walked by, quietly wondering what their daily lives were like or what their thoughts on Lord Vader’s visit. Sighing to yourself, you realized that they must be just as boring as your own. 

As you continued to stroll about the platform and gaze absentmindedly at the people that littered it, a certain sight had caught your attention. You didn’t mean specifically to look at the king, but your eyes had somehow fallen upon him. Just as he said he would, he was currently talking to a few guardsmen who seemed to have a few more matches and medals than the rest. Captains and generals, you took it. 

Lingering your gaze a moment longer, you felt a jolt rush through your spine as your lips parted. While the king was whispering to his guards, he had taken a moment to look over his shoulder at you, a glint of venom in his eyes. This glint quickly dissipated, however, once he realized that his blue eyes had made sudden contact with yours. With this, he quickly let his gaze fall as he continued to talk quietly with his advisors, as if he had hoped you did not notice this action. 

However, quite the contrary, you had noticed as plain as day. Processing what had just happened, you allowed your brow to furrow.

What was that for? You wondered to yourself. The obvious answer, the one you wanted so desperately to believe, was that the look you had exchanged was by pure accident, the tone of his look being from the king’s residual loathing from the night prior. However, as much as you wanted to believe that, you gut told a different story. You felt… odd. 

You decided to do something about it. 

Marching past all the other people dispersed in the crowd, you only stopped when you were within conversation distance between the king and his huddle of guards. You had noticed that their voices had grown quieter and quieter as you had approached. 

“Did you want to speak with me, your majesty?” you asked, raising your voice so that you could be heard over the bodies of the guardsmen as you placed a hand on your hip. 

A moment of awkward hesitation loomed over the air as the king exchanged a few glances with the guards, causing you to raise a brow. Smirking and stepping forward, the king placed his hands behind his back as he looked down at you. 

“Now where would you get that idea, my dear?” the king asked you, his tone so sickeningly sweet it made you wince. 

We made eye contact, dumbass. 

“I saw that you were looking my way, your majesty,” you responded, “and I just figured-” 

“What? That I would ever want to speak with the likes of you again?” 

Your mouth opened slightly in shock at his sudden change of tone, your legs moving to shift your weight. Excuse me?

“W-What?” you stammered out, the shock still in your veins, “no, I just-” 

“Don’t get smart again with me, missy.” the king hissed out, stepping forward and glaring down at you, his finger in your face, “Don’t think that I have forgotten how you embarrassed me in front of my entire entourage last night.” 

Oh. 

This was what this is about. 

Not letting yourself back down, you placed both hands on your hips, your brow furrowing again as you shot up a glare right back at the blue-eyed old man. 

“Embarrassed you? How about when you embarrassed me?! Looking at me like that, talking to me like that, are you out of your-” 

“Shut up,” the king spat, cutting you off. Suddenly and without warning, he reached out and grabbed you by the collar, making your eyes widen. You wrapped your hands around his wrist and tried to pull away, only for him to pull you closer to his glare. 

“Do you really think that you could pull that sort of stunt and get away with it? I swear, I will-” 

“Is there something wrong, your majesty?” 

The voice that came from behind you was comforting to you, but only sparked fear within he eyes of the king. Letting you go almost instantly, you stumbled backwards, your back bumping against the hard, firm surface of a panel of buttons. Before you could look up at the owner of a panel, a pair of hands wrapped themselves around your shoulders, grounding you and making you feel safe. Looking at the king again, you had noticed that his face had morphed from one of anger and hate to one of fear, only masked by a forced friendly smile. You smirked softly to yourself as you noticed the beads of sweat starting to form upon on his old, wrinkly brow. 

“O-Of course not, Lord Vader!” the king said, a waver in his voice, “Miss (F/N) and I were just having a, erm, little… chat.” 

“Is that so…” Lord Vader rumbled out. You opened your mouth to object, but you were quickly cut off by the old man before you. 

“Y-yes! Yes of course!” the king chuckled nervously in response. 

“Good,” rumbled Lord Vader, taking his hands off your shoulder and stepping closer to the king ever so slowly, his head tilting to the side, “It would be quite the shame if my prised mechanic were to be harmed.” 

Gulping silently and taking a few steps back, the king responded, “Yes… quite the shame indeed.” 

Clearing his throat, the king placed his hands on his hips, assuming a new look of attempted friendliness. 

“Well, I assume that we are all done here, yes? Excellent! Let us head back to my palace now, my Lord. There we can talk more about our entrance into the Empire.” 

Before Lord Vader could do anything in approval, the King pushed past both  you and the sith lord, the cape on his shoulders fluttering at his pace. As the troopers and officers began to follow suit, you began to mimic their actions, only to be stopped by a familiar hand upon your shoulder. 

“(F/N),” Lord Vader spoke to you, making the pair of you linger behind the group, “Are you… alright?” 

You didn’t know how to respond instantly.

Were you alright?

You frowned slightly as you thought about what your response should be. You didn’t know whether or not to tell him about your interaction with the king, or how you had seen him look at you and whisper with his guards. The feeling in your gut had not dissipated, and it plagued the back of your mind. You wondered if that was worth telling Lord Vader, however, since he already had so much to worry about. Was that just normal behavior? Lord Vader did do similar things with the officers on the Super Star Destroyer… 

“Yeah, I’m fine… thanks.” you decided to respond. Shooting up a small smile at his mask, you lifted up your own hand to rest upon his own briefly in order to cement your gratitude. 

He looked at you in silence for a long moment after you responded. You wondered if your answer had satisfied his curiosity. His pause said no, even the aura around him said no, but he did not poke the subject any further as he removed his hand from your shoulder. 

Deep down, you really wanted him to question you further. 

~~~

The walk back to the palace was excruciatingly long. 

You didn’t realize just how far you and the little posse had gone until you passed by literally everything that the king had taken you to see. By this point, the sun was starting to set, and your feet were starting to ache in your boots. You were somewhat grateful for this, however, since it meant that the second day on this planet was finally drawing to an end. 

Just one more day of having to deal with this shit, you thought to yourself, then I can go back to my station. Funny… I never thought I would miss that place. 

But there I can be by myself, and not worry about having to deal with creeps. 

There I can be with…

You shook your head to dislodge your thoughts. Now was not the time nor the place for you to indulge in such things. 

Staring to grow bored with your walk alongside Lord Vader, you began to let your eyes wander once again for some people-watching. You watched as the stormtroopers marched along with their guns held tightly to their chests, and how the officers walked with their heads held high. There was no doubt that this was an empirical entourage. 

Looking deeper into the crowd, you allowed your gaze to fall upon the king’s guardsmen. Their uniforms were somewhat silly to you, but you figured that you must be biased in that regard. Training your eyes on them a moment longer, you started to notice small things that the guards would do. 

Every so often, one guard would whisper to another, then another, then another. Sometimes, the guards would even steal glances of you and Lord Vader as you were fixated by his side. Your brow furrowed again at this, making your mind try and piece together what you were seeing. 

He must have sensed your shift in mood since he looked down at you without warning, his respirator as loud as ever. He took note of your facial expression before he spoke. 

“You seem on edge, (F/N).” Lord Vader said, making you look up at him a brief moment. 

“Yeah,” you said back quietly, your fingers twitching in a faint sense of nervousness, “It's just… Do you see them looking at us? It’s… weird.” 

Lord Vader looked at you a moment before responding. 

“Yes, I am aware.” 

“Should we… do something about it? Or is this normal?” 

“It happens periodically upon my visit to certain systems. Besides,” he continued, “Any attempt to conspire against the Empire shall result in failure.” 

You would have smiled at that if it weren’t for the pang of nervousness that still resided in your gut. Instead, you looked down at your feet and frowned to yourself, your lips stretching into a brief line. 

“If you say so, my Lord…” 

You desperately wanted to believe him. But, a pit of doubt and anxiety in your stomach kept you from doing as such fully. You hated the feeling. 

It’s just me wanting to get off this damn rock… you tried to tell yourself. 

You didn’t fully believe yourself, either. 

You didn’t know which feeling to hate more. 

~~~

Upon your arrival back to the palace, you were allowed 30 minutes to yourself to freshen-up before the day’s closing meeting. Relieved to get a moment to yourself, you headed up the stairs almost too quickly as you were relieved to go by Lord Vader. 

‘Do try not to be, how do you put it… ‘fashionably late,’ again this evening, (F/N)’ he said to you. 

‘No promises, my Lord.’ you had giggled back to him. 

Locking the door and kicking off your boots in your room, you sat down gingerly upon the freshly made bed, a wave of relief washing over you, so strong that it made you lie back upon the plush surface. Reaching your arms above your head, you arched your back as you let yourself have a big stretch, your muscles turning cold from the rush of blood-flow. Letting out a big breath, you closed your eyes as you let relaxation flow over you. You figured that since you needed energy to continue on with the night, now was as good a time as any to get in a quick cat-nap. 

Just as you had settled into your quick nap, a startling yet soft sound made you snap your eyes open, because of course something had to take your relaxation away from you. Laying there silently for a moment, you tried your best to hone in on the sound. Your ears prickling, you heard the noise again, only this time it made you sit up in your bed at attention. Finally able to decipher where the noise had been coming from, you snapped your head over to the knob on your door. 

Sure enough, it was twisting and turning at a feverish pace. 

Someone was trying to come in. 

Oh hell no. 

A sense of anger and frustration washing over you, you quickly marched over to the door, throwing it open as quickly as you could. 

“WHAT THE HELL-” 

Nothing. And no one. That’s what meat your gaze as you looked out in the hallway. 

Your face fell from one of anger to one of sad confusion as you stood there a moment, your hand sliding down the surface of the door. Sighing to yourself, you slowly went back into your room and closed the door behind you. You closed your eyes and pointed your head at the ceiling as you leaned your back against the door, allowing yourself to slide down into a kneeling position. 

Great, you thought, now I’m going crazy. 

I just want to go home. 

I hate it here. 

~~~

Deciding to humor Lord Vader a little, you had arrived at the night’s closing meeting on time. This had proven to be the correct choice, since you didn’t get any stares from anyone upon your arrival. The gut feeling from that morning still inside you, and this did little to appease it. However, it made you wonder if the king had given up on whatever he was trying to pull with you from earlier. 

But, of course, you had no way of knowing. 

The meeting was just as boring as all the other ones you had been to. Again, you were sit speechless by Lord Vader as he discussed the topics at hand with the king or one of his advisors. As he did so, you would try and find anything you could do to entertain yourself. This often involved counting tiles or trying to play back a holovid you had seen long ago back in your mind. 

This meeting, however, had a big surprise in store for you. 

“Miss (F/N),” you heard the king’s voice call out to you, sending a shock of get your head out of your ass down your spine, “You look dreadfully bored over there, my dear.” 

Looking over to the king, you hid your scowl as best you could as you tried to ease your sense of deja-vu. 

“Well, there isn’t much I have to add to the conversation, your majesty…” you responded back. You hadn’t meant to sound snarky, yet you couldn’t help yourself. 

The king laughed, an odd glint in his eye, “Yes, of course, my dear. I understand perfectly. Yet, I feel so bad just watching you sitting there. Here, how about we have my guards here escort you to the mechanical department for the time being? You can get a good look at the place whilst me and Lord Vader discuss, hm?” 

Your lips parted in confusion as you looked into the king’s blue eyes. What the hell? Did he suddenly feel bad for being such a dick to you? Or did he simply just feel bad? Or could he just not stand the sight of you anymore?

Deep down, you didn’t care. Enticed by an opportunity to leave the boring meeting behind, your mind was fuzzed from any thoughts of doubt that plagued your conscience. That offer did sound… appealing. 

However… 

“I… I would love to, your majesty, but…” you began to say, turning your gaze to fall upon Lord Vader for a moment, “I wouldn’t want to go against my Lord’s wishes if he required me to stay.” 

This was a silent plea, but you wouldn’t know it yet. 

“Oh, I’m sure that our dear Lord wouldn’t mind at all! Am I right, Lord Vader? Won’t you allow our dear Miss (F/N) to be relieved of our boring conversation?” the king asked, propping his boots on the table. 

You shot your gaze over to Lord Vader, unable to tell what emotion your eyes emanated to him. The sith looked right back at you, the sound of his respirator allowing him to inhale and exhale filling the room. 

Deep down, you wanted him to say no. 

Deep down,you prayed he would say no. 

He spoke after one of his trademark pauses. 

“I will allow it.” 

Why did that sting so bad? You should be relieved… 

“Excellent!” the king exclaimed, “Guards, please take Miss (F/N) to the mechanical department for the time being. I will comm you when she is to return.” 

The guards grasped their blasters tightly in response, standing at attention. Slowly but surely, you stood up from your chair and pushed it in. As you turned, mumbled out a quiet thanks, and began to walk past the dark lord you knew too well, you felt something large and leathery wrap around your fingers. Sure enough, when you looked down, he saw his hand wrapped there, making you look up at his mask. 

“(F/N),” he said slowly, just enough for you to hear, “be… careful.” 

You smiled and nodded at him like you didn’t need his caution.

Why did it feel so wrong? 

With Lord Vader eventually letting you out of his grasp, you walked over to your guard escorts and gave them a nod to signal to them that you were ready. Nodding in return, they turned on their heels and escorted you out of the room. 

You gave one last glance over your shoulder at Lord Vader before you exited. 

Deep down, you prayed that this wouldn’t be the last time you saw him.

~~

The palace was eerily quiet with no one else but you and two guards walking the halls. Even though you had never been to a palace before, something inside you told you that this was wrong. 

You ignored it. 

The sound of footsteps echoing off of the walls made the goosebumps raise on your arms. It was so eerily quiet. And so eerily cold. You thought about striking up conversation with the guards, but you took them as not the type for conversation. 

Looking past all the doors that you saw on your walk, you took brief moments with each to see the contents inside all of them. You felt a lump in your throat as you saw a door with half-broken ships and blasters in the doorway. A feeling of unease washed over you. 

You ignored it. 

There must be some other way into that room. 

You held your biceps as the guards led you down a long hallway, only for it to end with two long, dull, menacing doors. A pit bore itself into your stomach. 

You ignored it. 

“Is this… it?” you asked. 

“Yes.” One of the guards responded. 

“But…” you said, “I-I saw some ships back there and-” 

You were swiftly and rudely cut off by an action you barely had any time to process. 

The guard had lifted his blaster, pointed to butt-end at you, and slammed it against the side of your forehead. 

Instantly, your vision blurred, your brain just barely able to process what was happening as your sight started to fade to black. 

You heard the doors to the room in front of you open. 

You felt your weak body being dragged inside. 

Your body weak, you felt yourself roll onto your side to face the fall without you even telling your body to do it. 

You were met with one final sight before everything went black. 

There was no mistaking it. 

You had seen it countless times before. 

From news briefings.

From posters. 

From propaganda. 

That brilliant crimson.

The symbol of the rebellion. 

~~~

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