#simulated delusions

[dreaminginmysoup]

I'm allowed to be a little sappy today

[apocryphics]

this dream billionaires have of draining this planet and going elsewhere is nothing but pure delusion and ignorance. this world is all we have. this earth and no other. to go elsewhere may be possible but we would no longer be us. and this is so connected to how we have doubled our world with the internet & how our brains have convinced ourselves that the physical, the real, the here, the now, is all replicable and disposable. the precise value of the here and the now, the incarnated present, is what makes life valuable. we cannot duplicate life. this illusion that we will be able to replace something will be our end. life is precious because it ends. you are precious because no one else is you. nothing is replaceable, least of all this earth. how precious it all is and how arrogant we are to think it easy to leave this all behind. as joyce said the longest way round is the shortest way home. when they realize this they will not have a home to return to and that is their fate.

[neuroticboyfriend]

When we (system) were in the depths of psychosis - from age 12 to 17 - we weren't just suicidal. We were homicidal, too. Our delusions so heavily distorted our reality that our morality fell apart. It's hard to explain, since so much of our memory from this time is just gone. But one thing I remember is dissociating severely at the store. I looked at this man, this random man, and realized: I could just kill him. Because to me, this was all a simulation. It wouldn't be wrong to hurt him because he'd either just return to the "real world," unharmed, or he never even existed at all and was just AI. And reminder: I was a child.

I obviously didn't act on that "realization," otherwise I wouldn't be here telling the internet all this. But my point in sharing this is that yes. It would have been wrong, inexcusable, harmful, etc. for me to hurt him. It does take a degree of selfishness for me to think what I thought; but I saw the world the way you see videogames. Other people were NPCs to me. I was not experiencing the reality you all are, and calling me a monster and locking me up forever would not have helped me, or you. Prison and psych wards are not solutions; they just isolate people, and do nothing to change why things happened.

Also, I was severely unsupported at this time. I was being abused and neglected by almost everyone - at home, at school, at therapy. So I didn't tell anyone what I was going through. What I needed - and what I assume many violently mentally ill people need - is to be given real support by those able to give it to us. To be given space to be safe and heard, without demonization, without our rights being taken away. We need to be allowed to make choices in our care, our living space, our lives - otherwise, you're literally just throwing us and others in harms way. Violent bigotry against us does not help anyone.

[local-magpie]

"i like to packbond with everything" is um. a really fucking concerning statement to make when discussing AI, especially the question of if AI can reach sentience. that really should be the very first alarm bell you learn to watch for when you get into studying AI 😬

[brittlebutch]

never going to get past matrix resurrections choosing to make neo someone with a distorted perception of reality being gaslit and manipulated into compliance by his therapist, i’m so normal about it

[alwaysflexfoampads]

WHAT IF HES ACTUALLY DEAD!!!!!

[nightndaydreaming]

My mental armor is cracking and breaking. I’ve been able to keep control and remind myself I have psychosis and what I’m seeing and hearing this isn’t real and the delusions are just delusions.

But I’m getting more and more angry and afraid. Things keep lining up and I’m becoming more and more convinced this is all a simulation and they’re coming to kill me because I know. I keep telling myself how illogical it is but it’s just confirmed all around me all the time

[m0nsterteeth]

Not only is my therapist hella supportive of my weird ass goal in therapy to learn shapeshifting (in whatever ways are feesable but especially in dreams) and is cool with all the negative thoughts being a monster comes with (daydreaming about hurting and eating people as a monster doesn’t make me a bad person), but they are roping in a literal shaman to help me out. That’s only part of the reason why, I’m also plagued with sleep hallucinations that are distressing (these are unaffected by my antipsychotics directly as it isn’t psychosis so I’m not gonna request med changes). That is probably the more pressing matter for them but I will be sure to tie it back to my desperate need to be a monster. I need to figure out how to satisfy this need for my mental wellbeing. I want it so bad I have literally offered my soul to entities I perceive as real and evil, hell I do it completely unprompted at times. The fact that I believe it is real and do potentially dangerous things is alarming to me when awake and have my wits about me. It’s essentially like I am drunk and wandering up to random people with a weird request. Some have gently told me they can’t do that, some are rude and tell me horrible things about me and why I don’t deserve to be happy.

Part of this is being billed to my insurance company, which is funny to me, do have to pay the shaman but my therapist is so cool they are not charging me for their time even though it is over the hour limit. They are helping me out because they care/worry about me and it is very nice to feel supported.

[ask-yandere-sim]

What are some things you like about Budo, Mantaro?

Mantaro: One day I want to be just like him!

[eneasbastianini]

testing at sepang is great because i get to wake up and immediately see how quick my little hot pink bitch is going and every day looks like this

[seeinginthedark]

More things coming to me now , in this psychosis of mine :

I want to go back to the astral realm like fuckn ASAP. But the only way I can get there is through sleep paralysis. So I’ve stopped using because I remember the other times I’ve had sleep paralysis was when I going through withdrawals from the substance I used to have a lot of.

I need to go to the astral realm to confirm what is going up there . Yesterday someone told me that the matrix extends “ up /into” the astral realm, not just here.

How could this happen. It fits into my theory that A.I technology/the Artificial Consciousness has infiltrated our afterlife processes , putting us in these never- ending reincarnation loops. I can’t confirm this until I go to the astral realm and see it for myself .

So I’m grumpy and tired as fuck because I’m not using . I know I can’t just Willy nilly enter that realm on a whim, I need to go through the initiation first. The spirits and beings up there put you through some rough times to see how you handle it. A personal sacrifice has to be made, or surviving a trauma also can be an initiation.

Well once again , my lover, my husband, my other half has been put on the chopping block. I told these entities to leave him alone . He’s been through enough. We’ve been interfered with , again. He’s been removed from my life . That was the sacrifice. It’s sad . I miss him . We can’t see each other or he will get arrested. We had 18 beautiful, drug free months together. No fights, no arguments, no infiltration, no violence . Then a sudden personality swap , things whispered in his ears , paranoid thoughts and him lashing out at me. I didn’t even call the cops this time. It was my pesky useless mental health nurse that did. The entities know how much I love this man. They know what it means to me to lose him. That’s why they fuck with his mind, to get to me. To cause me trauma. Force me to survive it. Initiate me . Invite me into their world. Increase my abilities. Continue this on -going mission that I keep trying to complete, life time after life time. My soul is getting so tired of this. And I miss my Inner Earth home and my Inner Earth family and my Inner Earth friends there. It’s been very isolated for me here, on the surface of Mother Earth. It’s so fucked up how people treat each other here. So I have to push on with the mission.

It’s ok. I’m an alchemist so I know how to transmute my pain into something useful and positive. Pain has become my power. It is the gateway. But I hate seeing my husband suffer for it each time . Now he’s addicted again, missing us, not able to see us . Stuck in an addiction loop.

You know that addicts are truly beautiful souls deep down. They are important for this battle we are in. This battle for humanity and for our souls. They get stuck in addiction as it’s part of their plan, the bad entities. Who feed off the addiction and pain that goes along with it. I see addicts as heroes who forgot they were hero’s . Lost track of the mission.

I’m seriously sick of being messed with . I’m done with being trapped in this matrix simulation . I’m coming for the ones that created it and the ones that monitor us . I’m going to destroy them. I’ve known since I was a child we were being watched. I’m not paranoid about it, just aware. We won’t be enslaved anymore . Or tricked and deceived and used like batteries. Putting families through hell. Exploiting us.

Enough is enough .

[dreaminginmysoup]

Hi look at these gay dogs

[fionarara]

i miss rountine jokes about oikawa's flat ass and mattsun's ostentatiously gargantuan horse cocque (ꃋᴖꃋ)

[saikitsu]

i cant play nightbringer i get mad everytimw they take me away from solomon for hijinks

[nightndaydreaming]

Hear me out.

What if, when you die, you wake up from a nightmare in a universe where you didn’t die? And all your thoughts and past that you think is real, is just the starting point in a new universe? I always hear about Reincarnation as if you’re born a baby from another time come back, but what if you just spawn in mid game?

[subconsciousmysteries]

idk what to do about the 4s man. They're either really whiny manipulators and groomers (4 -> 2) or they are bona fide psychopaths (4 -> 1 false security) or they are an ungodly combination of both.

In fiction I've seen good examples of 4s but in reality I struggle not to blame them for all the world's problems. There are reasons.