#sigh another important thing was that it was crucial i went back to therapy... i dont really want to tho...

[seariii]

Hum...

[contrivedcoincidences6]

The Invisible Cord- Ch. 1

The title was taken from this poem: The Cord

Prologue

Thank you to @alittlemissfit for always being my amazing beta. 

So wow people went crazy for the first taste! Be aware that was the prologue. Just getting started. Thank you for the encouragement! 

Chapter 1 

October 2011 Chicago, IL

I look out the window and watch the wind blow through the autumn leaves. The swirling colors are able to hold my attention far better than the droning on of my biology teacher giving her lecture.

“Ms. Meeks? Ms. Meeks!” The teacher’s irritable voice reaches my subconscious along with a series of muffled snickers.

“Yes ma’am?” I ask.

“You seem to be distracted. Would some extra homework tonight help you concentrate?” she asks, hands on her hips.

“I’m not distracted, ma’am. I’ve been listening.”

“Well then, what are ribosomes?” she asked, her lips pursed.

My mind moves back in time to moments before and as I picture the leaves in the trees I can hear Mrs. Jefferson’s voice telling me the answer.

“They help produce the polypeptides that make up the majority of a cell's structure and are required for activities that are necessary for the cell's survival,” I repeat, using her exact wording just to be a brat.

“Alright then, what about endoplasmic reticulum?” she asks with a sigh.

For this I have to think back to a few minutes earlier. I remember how the light had shone off of Mr. Randall’s car and it comes back.

“The endoplasmic reticulum is a network of membrane-covered channels that transport the materials made in the cells, and are connected to the nucleus,” I say, again using her exact wording.

“Well, you certainly have done your reading,” Mrs. Jefferson says, giving me a subtle nod of approval. She’s seems to want to continue her little quiz when the bell rings. The students start to get up and as I gather my things I hear her voice through the crowd.

“April Meeks. I would like to speak with you before you leave.”

I walk up to her desk, making just enough eye contact to make her uncomfortable.

“What was that performance just now?” she asks, incredulous.

“I was listening to you, Mrs. Jefferson,” I say with a small shrug.

“You were not paying attention to the discussion or even taking notes.”

Fighting the urge to roll my eyes I tap my head.  “Eidetic memory,” I answer with a straight face. Try not to react as her mouth twists into an ugly pout.

“May I leave now?” I ask as she simply nods, gestures towards the door.

Brian and May, not surprisingly were standing outside of it waiting for me. We walk to class together most every day. I know we’re known as the Three Musketeers. It used to bother me but now I’ve come to embrace it. May’s long black braids sway around her head as she walks next to me, waits for me to say something. Brian, as usual, stays silent on my other side. Anticipating the coming argument.

He and May are my only two friends in the world. We grew up in the same foster center together and May and I quickly bonded because of our names. She introduced me to her twin brother Brian, and the three of us have been inseparable ever since.

“That was stupid, April.” May says in her lecturing voice. “Why would you draw attention to yourself like that?”

I gave her what had to be my fiftieth shrug of the day.

“I’m just sick of sitting in a mid level bio class pretending like I’m actually learning something.”

“So do you not want to stick to our plan then?” she asks, stopping so that Brian and I are forced to stop and turn around.

“I never said that,” I mutter, letting out a soft sigh. “I just, why does it have to be so boring?”

“You don’t think that we’re bored?” May scoffs, gesturing between her and her brother.

“But you know if we are all pulled out of the class people will start to notice we’re different. They’ll notice and then they’ll take you again.”

I look down at my feet, clad in Converse shoes that have seen better days.

Brian’s hand grazes my arm and I look at the contrast between his dark, tanned skin and my own ghost like shade of pale. I use his touch as a way to center myself, then look back to his sister who is now tapping her foot.

“May, just for the record one more time, you are not my mother! I know all of this. And I don’t want to get taken! I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m tired, and soon enough another birthday of mine is going to come around and I’ll have nothing new to show for it!’

Brian’s fingers move down my arm, take hold of my hand and then he gives it a small squeeze. He’s different from his sister and I who both love to talk. He’s quiet, has always only spoken when he’s had to, which is rare when he’s with us. Mostly he communicates with everyone through touch and proximity. A way that most normal people would never be able to fully understand.

I’ve always known there was something different about Brian. Whenever one of our caretakers would come to work sad or down, Brian would sense it. He’d go over and stay with her for the rest of their shift. They’d only spend a few minutes in his presence and start smiling. Not from anything in particular that he’d said, just because he was there.

His sister and I were different too, but Brian’s ‘special gift’ seemed to unsettle others. Meanwhile May and I would come off as your average, annoying, self absorbed teenage girl.

At my admission and birthday remark, May just loops her arm through mine. Starts to walk again.

In two days it will be my 16th birthday. I know for most everyone else in my class this is a date of significance. Sweet Sixteen invitations have been plastered all over lockers and that everyone’s excited to get their learner’s permit. Even get their own car.

To me it just meant another year. One filled with even more questions and fear than the previous one. It just so happens Brian and May’s birthday falls exactly one month before mine. At least my best friends both understand the uneasiness I’m feeling.

The three of us are alike in a lot of ways. The main way being we don’t remember our lives before the age of five. It’s not that our minds were erased and we have no concept, but what we do remember follows no distinct narrative. The memories don’t seem to fit in anywhere. Then again neither do the three of us.

I used to and still have flashes to my mother singing to me as she makes me my lunch. I can think back to being in the car with my father on a road trip. I can remember all my visits to all the doctors. Those memories are the strongest ones, and that makes sense considering I spent most of my early childhood in the hospital. Brian and May have parallel experiences.

I know other kids in school must know this. We’re the anomalies, the freaks, the ones who will probably grow up to be in therapy, and somehow the student population can sense this. When they do have the nerve to point and stare though they’re met with a withering stare from May. Yes, we’re unpopular freaks but we’re not about to roll over and drool when you remind us of it.

“I just don’t want you to take risks like that. The three of us need to stick together. I mean, really. Just two more years and we are out of this hellhole. That’s what you should think of on your birthday. Just two years until freedom.”

Her arm tightens around mine and I smile, know that she really believes it. And that’s a bit of a feat for me.

We watch them walk out of the school and try to interpret their behavior, this...display. Two of them have linked arms and upturned lips, and it makes us curious. Makes us wonder. Even though technically none of us are programmed to do that. We don’t think in depth. We don’t experience emotion. I guess one could consider us robots. One perk though of our clinical detachment is our reliance on our instincts. They’re essential to who we are and have helped to keep us safe. To help us survive.

One of our key instincts is fairly basic. To protect our mothers. We’ve had so many of them and while we failed most of them years ago, when we were still too young and unskilled to prevent them from being harmed, we know some of them still live. Some, against all odds, have managed to survive and weather all the illness and all the death that’s been thrown at them, and we believe with everything in us, that we still have an obligation to them.

We know there are few of us now. According to all the official documents we’ve managed to access we are considered to be extinct. The truth is though that we still exist. We still create. We still have roles. We just need to embrace them quietly. Slowly. The way we’ve been trained to.

Looking to our sister she nods. We move forward, to follow the group of three. These three are real humans. They are to be protected. Unlike us. We’re secondary. Just biological material stolen from the humans, grown in the bellies of women who didn’t ask for us. Although we are all that remains of the original batch, the ones not created in test tubes, we all still consider our mothers to be our mothers. In every important sense of the word. It’s only because of their ova that we came into existence. While these three could be considered related to us in a sense they may as well be of a different species. However, these children are important to our mothers. Therefore they are important to us. In two days time we will make contact.

“All I’m saying is the only reason he’s interested in me at all is because of the list.” May says, playing with my hair while I try to do my homework.

“What list?” I ask, half paying attention.

“You haven’t heard about the list the football players have?” she asks, looking at me as if I’m missing a crucial piece of information.

I shake my head and she moves from lying on her stomach behind me to scoot up next to me. The expression on her face tells me that whatever ‘the list’ is, is easily the most important thing going on in the school. No wonder I’m clueless.

“It’s basically a fuck-it list. It’s like a bucket list, but it’s just a list of girls they want to fuck. I know Andrew is only sniffing around me so he can check off the ‘black girl’ box.”

“At the game the other day you said you wanted to eat bacon off his ass, so I really don’t get why you care,” I scoff, peering up at her through my glasses.

“It’s the principle of it!” May exclaims as I roll my eyes, put down my textbook.

“But you are only interested in him for his ass. He’s only interested in you because of a list. Both of you have motives aside from actual interest in the other person. That being said, are you really telling me you won’t have sex with him?”

“I never said that. I’m just saying that I don’t appreciate his motives. Jennie was his token ‘Asian girl’. Have you heard of anything more crass than that? Still, she said he was a tiger in the sac.  Hey!” She exclaimed giving my arm a soft swat, “You could probably get on his radar! Maybe he hasn’t checked the ‘redhead’ box yet.”

“No thanks. I’m good,” I say, shaking my head.

“You know, you’ll need to start dating at some point. People talk. Especially about the cute ones.”

“Aw, you think I’m cute?” I tease, earning an eyeroll. “I’m not interested in dating, May. I mean, really, what’s the point?”

“Well aside from it being nice to have someone actually show an interest in you, sex. Duh.”

“Too much effort for something I can just take care of myself.”

May just shakes her head at me, flops back onto her own bed.

“You know if you’re into girls that’s great. I can get you the numbers of some I’ve been with.”

“Just some?”

“There’s only a few who would be worthy of you, my dear,” she teases as I let out a long sigh.

“It’s not that I’m not interested or attracted to guys. I just have no interest in dating. There are way more important things for me to worry about right now.”

“You keep on with that attitude and I’ll tell you what’s going to happen: you’re going to be celibate for years. Until you and my brother finally stop beating around the bush and get together. But by that time I’ll be too old a woman to be able to enjoy it.”

Choosing to ignore her comment I find the last answer to the worksheet, hand it over to May to copy. “Thanks,” she says, crossing back to her desk. Now it’s my turn to lie back on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

“Do you think that our parents are still alive?” I ask after a beat before she takes one to answer.

“I don’t know why you keep thinking about this. Who even knows if we have parents? For all we know we’re test tube babies.”

“But maybe we aren’t. Maybe there’s people out there who are looking for us.”

Jumping a bit when she lies on the bed beside me I let out a sigh, fold my arms.

“I’m not dismissing the possibility that there are. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. I’m worried you’ll start planning this whole life and then find out there’s just...no way for you to have it.”

“But I feel like I did have it, May. At least once. All the memories I have from before, those have to mean something, don’t they?”

“If they’re real,” May sighs. “Look, they might be. But think about it, if they can erase our memories what makes you think they can’t plant fake ones?”

Just thinking about that makes my head hurt. In the way it does when I’m on the verge of a long cry. Curling on my side I rest my forehead against May’s shoulder, grateful she knows without my saying it that she should stay put.

[nevensato-blog]

Paging Dr. Awkward | Neven & Ricky

Neven didn't really know how to feel about this whole thing. He'd never had to reject someone in his life. He'd never even been asked out before. But this Greek God of a man had asked him out just yesterday, and he'd felt the need to say no because he was interested in Reza. He wasn't even sure that was going to go anywhere, or if Reza truly liked him back in that way, but he was willing to give it a try. He just hoped this whole thing didn't ruin any sort of blossoming friendship with Ricky. He supposed this would be the ultimate test. He had purchased real coffee from Coffee Plus and brought it with him, instead of settling for nasty hospital coffee. The nurse gave him a little trouble for bringing it in, but ultimately let him pass and up to Ricky's room. Neven stood outside the door for a moment, wondering if this was the right thing to do. He'd wanted space, he'd said. Maybe he was only saying he was okay with Neven visiting to be nice since Neven was clearly so concerned about him. Hopefully seeing him so soon wouldn't make things worse. He took a deep breath and knocked on the open door as he walked in. "Hey, man. How you doing?" he said. Ricky looked high on pain meds and his arm was in a cast. The answer was probably not so great. "I brought real coffee." He held the two cups up as he walked over, setting one down on the tray in front of Ricky. He stayed standing, not really sure how long Ricky would want him to stay, so he refrained from getting comfortable.

It wasn't that he didn't want to see Neven. He definitely wanted to see Neven. Neven was cute and funny and he made Ricky smile. The problem was Ricky wanted to see Neven in a way the man wasn't interested in and that made it a little more awkward. But, he'd gotten a ride to the hospital and had brought him coffee so, Ricky could grin and bear it. However he was acutely aware that he looked like shit. He hadn't slept well since he could only sleep on his back and that wasn't usual for him, and the pain was fraying him to pieces. But when Neven poked his head through the door he put on his brightest smile, dragging the blanket up over his bare chest to hide the cast, so only his good arm was visible "Hey! Thanks for the coffee man. You really didn't have to do that." He leaned forward and took a sip, reveling in the taste "have a seat. I hear they're uncomfortable as fuck."

Neven couldn't help but notice all of the tattoos on Ricky's chest as he covered it up with the sheet. He felt his chest tighten a little, but he cleared his throat to try to get rid of the feeling. "It's no problem, really. Nobody should be subjected to shitty coffee." He smiled when Ricky seemed pleased with the drink he'd brought. When he was offered to sit down, he felt relieved, then suddenly not when Ricky's assessment was right. "Definitely uncomfortable as fuck," he said with a chuckle, wiggling around a little on the chair to try to get comfortable. It was pretty hopeless. "So do they have you on the good drugs?" He was still in a lot of pain from transforming a few nights ago. He would have minded some morphine himself. "What happened?"

"Food's worse than the coffee but... at least I've got a steady string of friends bringing me contraband and trying to cheer me up. So... I've had some good pizza and some great sushi." Ricky tossed Neven a pillow that he wasn't using to help cut the discomfort of the chair, "If you've gotta sit here with broken me you might as well be decently comfortable while you do." He took another sip of the coffee and looked over at his visitor; at least it wasn't ​super​ awkward between them.... just a little bit. "Yeah. I'm pretty much constantly doped up right now which is great because with how much pain I'm in now... I can't imagine what it would be like if I wasn't on the drugs." Ricky blew his hair out of his face and shrugged... well shrugged as much as he could before wincing, "I fell out of a tree. I like climbing trees and a branch snapped near the top. Broke my arm in four places. Two rods, couple'a pins." He pulled a face, "It's gonna screw with my life but.... I think I'll keep managing."

Neven gladly took the pillow and put it behind him, glad for the extra cushion. His back always what hurt the most after transformations. He chuckled only a little when Ricky mentioned he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if he wasn’t doped up. “I can,” he muttered, clear his throat to cover his slip up. He raised an eyebrow at Ricky’s explanation for his injuries. “You fell out of a tree? That you were climbing in the middle of winter? If that’s true, you can’t yell at me for riding my bike in the winter then.” But then Ricky mentioned that the broken arm would screw with this life and Neven’s heart sank a little. “Oh yeah…swimming. I…I didn’t even think about that. Have you told your coach yet?"

Ricky: Turning as much as he could in the bed to face Neven, Ricky missed whatever the man said under his breath. He could only hope it wasn't actually important but the moment was brushed away when Neven's eyebrows shot up at the mention of how the accident had happened. "okay fuckeroo listen here. Climbing a tree for a small amount of time is different from biking down a snowy street ​where there are cars, Mister Man​. These two things are not even remotely comparable." A small chuckle and a deep drink of his coffee served to give him time to consider how he wanted to answer Neven's query about swimming, something he really didn't want to talk about. "he's one of my emergency contacts so... he was told when I was admitted and unconscious. I...." he took a deep breath and centered himself before continuing, "I can't compete anymore. This is my last semester as an undergrad and I won't be healed enough to swim competitively for any of it. They said it'd be something close to a miracle if I can ever swim like I used to again, even with therapy and everything." He could feel his eyes start to swim and took another drink to cover, desperately grasping for any conversational stray to change the topic, "Have I missed anything? World's still falling apart in its usual manner, right?"

Neven had a feeling that Ricky wasn't the best recipient of outward sympathy. He'd probably find it more patronizing than comforting. So Neven refrained from his usually chorus of apologies and went for something a little simpler. "That blows." He spotted the tears start to well up in Ricky's eyes and simply averted his own. Him telling Neven that he upheld his image of a partier and a player might not directly influence this conversation, but it had opened his eyes a lot to how Ricky functioned. He didn't want attention drawn to his feelings. So Neven wouldn't. He'd be there for him, but he wouldn't stoke the fire. "You haven't really missed anything, no."

A small part of Ricky appreciated that Neven glossed over his declaration of athletic death but a part of him wanted someone to... he didn't even know. He'd cried. At three in the morning when he was alone and nobody could see him. But he wanted something from another person he just didn't know what. He relaxed back against his pillows, playing with his now empty cup with his good hand. "Talk to me about something. I don't care what. Just distract me. Playing any good games? I've been rocking some Witcher cuz Quinn recommended it and he's bringing my DS over so I can play some Pokémon Moon. That at least I only need one hand for. God bless turn based combat. Just.... distract me. Please."

Neven perked up at the request. "Distraction. Right. Uhhhh...." Of course when he was asked to talk about his biggest hobby in a crucial moment, his mind blanked. It took him way too long for something to come to mind. "I've been playing Fallout 4 lately. Again. I've never actually finished it. I can't bring myself to make a decision on who to side with in the end so I just...never have. This time I will though. The completionist in me demands it." He chuckled a little. "Oh, and I have Pokemon Sun. I have an extra vulpix I can give you. You can't get them in Moon." He pulled out his phone and brought up a video he'd watched earlier. "Look at this cute cat. That'll cheer you up for sure." He was usually pretty good at distracting and supporting people when they weren't doing their best, but this whole situation was off on a lot of levels. There was tension in the air that could be cut with a knife. It almost made it a little harder to breathe.

Listening to Neven talk made Ricky the tiniest bit sad. There was clearly a lot of tension there, in between them, and it was the opposite of what he wanted. He watched the cat movie with a small smile on his face and then laid his head back, eyes shutting, "Neven. I asked you out and you said you were interested in someone else. It's not the end of the world." The steady beep of his heart rate monitor made it clear to him that he was going to get through this conversation unscathed, "I'm a big boy and I can handle some rejection. What's gonna be tougher to handle is if I lose someone I think could become a really good friend to me in the process." He cracked an eye and looked over, "I don't care who you're interested in, I really don't. As long as you're happy? Then I'm chill." Heaving a sigh he opened both eyes and sat up a little, "Just so we get that out in the open. So... Fallout 4. Should I give it a go?" Hopefully he'd cut some of the tension down.

Neven let go of a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as Ricky laid down his feelings. "Thanks," was all he said at first. He meant it too. Being told over the internet that he'd be fine in a bit was one thing, but hearing it in person made Neven feel a lot better. He fiddled around with his coffee cup lid for a moment and then took a drink. It calmed him a little. "I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend either." He smiled and set his cup down. "You should definitely try it. The one thing I hate though is the start of it forces you into a heteronormative relationship, but mainstream gaming, right? What are you gonna do?"

Ricky managed a soft smile at the younger man's breath of what he could have sworn was relief. The air thinned a little, much of the tension dissipated and Ricky felt like it was a good step towards friendship. A friendship untainted by his former crush on Neven. He chuckled a laugh and winced as the movement jostled his arm "I've been passing for heteronormative my whole life. I'm sure I'll manage it in a game without too much trouble." He could feel his life growing heavy and he breathed out a long sigh "hey man. These drugs are kicking in and I really am sure you don't wanna watch me sleep. But thanks for bringing me coffee, I really appreciate it. And when I'm outta here we'll go for coffee again and I'll tell you what I think of Fallout." He could feel the narcotic strength of his meds pushing his eyelids down and he held out a fist for Neven to bump. "Seriously. Thank you. For everything."