#shut up i'm grieving for the loss of my ship

[souji-upseta]

yo my name is nyx, it's my birthday today (2/3). my birthdays have sucked SHIT the past few years for reasons that are depressing—

—cringe is also dead, i killed her myself, and i'm still grieving her loss. its been very hard for me—

—since i am the protagonist of Me and can do st abt this, this year i turn 31, and i will at some point turn 31.4, with all of this in mind, what do i want for my birthday? i'll tell you:

to talk about homestuck.

i'll do that, anyways, but you'd be doing me a gift by giving me a prompt to follow, and to feel slightly more validated in my inability to shut up about my hyperfixation.

so i'm asking YOU to talk about homestuck with me.

talk to me abt homestuck? ask me my headcanons. my thoughts. my relationship to the work. tell me yours. expect nothing that's profound, and plenty that's stupid.

i'm even turning anon on, for the first time in 6 fucking years. where making this happen.

this never expires btw. today is my birthday, but, for story purposes, let's say that it's still my birthday after it isn't, bc i will still want and, if i am honest, NEED you to talk to me about homestuck for years onward. i'm very metatextual like that.

i get the feeling it's going to be a long day.

>Nyx: Be the other guy.

You are now the other guy! What will you do?

>Web Tumblr User: Inbox Tumblr user souji-upseta?

>Mobile App Tumblr User: Do that, but hyperlink is unavailable?

=(n×∞)>

FOURTH WALL BREAK!

you are now nyx again, and i am now me, and i need to exposit some lore.

as in, some starting points to get u going, since "homestuck" is a very broad subject:

•i'm a massive massive slut for the epilogues and post canon content/hsbc. pesterquest is too good for this gay earth.

•dirk is my fav, ALL of the dirks, all of them, and it isn't even close. my fav relationship is the canon platonic/familial one between dirk and dave. i fucking love the striders. dave is my 1.5th fav.

•im more invested in dave's relationship to corndogs (and corn dogs) than you even know.

•mspa reader is my second fav after the striders, bc they are a good thembo friendsimp and also bc they are me and they are You. i might be biased. i love You. i love me. i love us. we're fucking gr8.

•im pretty canon-compliant, so my fav ship is dirkjake as exes (for now), and my fav ship as not-exes is panquadrant (canon) davekat.

i'm also really fascinated by rosemary and would welcome more opportunities to learn abt and talk about them but if homestuck makes a statement about anything it's to let the women and the sapphic characters tell their story (thats a joke, talk to me abt them too)

•june eg(g)bert real.

•i'm fascinated by classpects and the applications of paradox space's classpecting and extended zodiac system when applied to real life, since our only experience of those fictional systems is in linear dimensions of spacetime, and our only experience of astrology is as a species that in-universe cannot experience the sign caste system the same way the fictional aliens that created our species in their own image do. skaia knows, but we sure as fuck don't.

•i'm a former prince of heart (2012-2020) and a current knight of space, and my aspect is light. that is a thing that actually makes perfect sense for the reasons i just said.

don't ask me about vriska serket or (vriska) serket. not bc i'm not willing to discuss dark or problematic characters (hello, lanque bombyx) but bc:

for one, she can speak for her damn self, and has, tyvm.

for two, talking at length about a problematic character in any positive capacity marks you as an enemy of the state if that character is a woman, and being an enemy of the state is way too much fucking pressure for me for reasons i already explained as soon as i told you i'm a knignt of space. i wouldnt make a very good enemy of the state. it'd be an unhealthy blackrom relationship to the detriment of us all.

for three, i can just give you all my opinions/headcanons on vriska that matter:

•JOHN HUGGING VRISKA IN HSBC YESSSSSSSSSS

•she's greasy and gross and unkept af but not unclean or unsanitary, like, she bathes, she smells fine, she changes her clothes, but she's got the troll crust punk aesthetic absolutely on LOCK. she doesn't comb her hair.

•it would have been funny if she did even more bad things

•aradia did nothing wrong. vriska did but the meme is funny even if someone needs to take that meme out back and shoot it for the good of humanity.

•she should beat up ultimate dirk, and my reasoning for that is bc that would, also, be really fucking funny if she did

•john has both punched her in the face and hugged her, and now that john has punched aranea in the face, all that's left is for june—i assume she will have come out of her egg(bert) by then—to hug aranea and complete the circle of stupidity.

•she is trans yeah but she doesn't wanna get into it, she doesn't have to, and neither do i.

•vrisrezi most important relationship in homestuck.

there. you already got me to talk about vriska at length, and you didn't have to try. moot issue.

[rosecoloredknight]

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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oTJo_CcVzr71hvMDlbQQXAZyAbBLNHwP/view?usp=drivesdk

Hey,

I have been struggling a bit emotionally since last week. It's made me a little quiet. I just wanted to mention it because it's kind of funny to receive this while I'm... not doing the best at the moment.

That being said, there's no way I'm sharing my personal information with you haha. I'll just look up the book tho and will buy it if I find it interesting or helpful!

I don't need spiritual help anyways. Me and Jesus Christ are tight 🤞🏽 besties in fact.

NO ONE DO THIS. I'm just using this opportunity to ramble about my current situation. I'll be okay tho 😊😊 I am choosing to be okay and just flow with the feelings. Some days are just heavy and that's okay.

I said that already twice today haha. BUT I MEAN IT!!

Sometimes we're not doing well, but we have the power, either because we have no other choice to do so, or by choice, to just keep moving forward. However slow and quiet that is. Life is still good and we also get to make the most of it.

Shutting up now ☺️🤐✌🏽

[bumblesimagines]

Green Thumb

Part 15

Request: Yes or No

Nebula and Tonys friendship was v cute and we deserved to see Tony be a dad to her. This feels v short so I'm sorry

~

"Maybe some company will do you good, (Y/N)." Natasha said softly, rubbing your arm. You stayed silent, staring at the table. Rhodes had offered you your old room back but you couldn't give him an answer. Your gaze shifted to the glass of water, brows furrowing when the water in the glass began to move. Natasha followed your gaze.

"I'm not doing that." You said softly, glancing at her. Steve entered the room, heading towards the exit.

"Something's coming." He called. Rhodes and Bruce quickly followed him out. You stood up, doing the same. You walked out onto the field, seeing Pepper staring up at a ship. You watched the woman set it down, looking back at you all. Steve ran forward, helping Tony off the ship. Pepper sobbed, running forward as well. You turned, walking back towards the facility.

"Great, the douchebag survived." You muttered, opening the door and sitting back down. You knew loss would come with trying to save the world but you didn't expect to lose everyone you loved. Clint and Natasha were still around but they were grieving as well.

"(Y/N), this is Carol Danvers, a friend of Fury." Natasha said as she entered the room. You turned to look at the blonde, giving a small nod. You watched as Rhodes pulled up images of everyone who had been lost to catch Tony up. Your gaze dropped onto the table when you saw your friends images appear.

"World governments are in pieces. He did.. He did exactly what he was planning to do. He wiped out.. 50 percent of all living creatures." Natasha explained, voices getting softer. You took in a shakey breath, sitting up and glancing at everyone. You made eye contact with Tony. He was skinny and weak but he held sadness in his eyes.

"Is Barton..?" Tony trailed off.

"Clint survived... Laura and the kids are gone." You told him, voice threatening to crack. Tony inhaled deeply, nodding.

"Where is Thanos? Where is he now?" Tony asked, looking at Steve. Steve frowned.

"We don't know. He just.. Opened a portal and walked through." Steve said, staring down at the floor. Tony hummed, turning to look at Thor.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which, yeah he did but so did the rest of us." The talking raccoon, Rocket, said. You didn't have enough energy to question how a raccoon ended up in space, much less question how it could talk.

"Honestly, until this exact last second, I thought you were a build-a-bear." Tony said, looking at him.

"Maybe I am." Rocket muttered in a tired and defeated tone.

"Thanos has been missing for three weeks now. We've got nothing. Tony, you fought him."

"Who told you that? No, he wiped my face with a planet while the magician gave away the stone. That's what happened. There was no fight-"

"Okay, okay.. Did he give you any clues?" Steve asked. Tony blew some raspberries, shrugging. You sighed at his childish response.

"I had a vision. I didn't want to believe it.. Thought I was dreaming-"

"Tony, I need you to focus."

"-And I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. You know what I need?" Tony knocked over some glasses, standing up from his wheelchair. "I need to shave."

"Tony, Tony, stop." Rhodes approached him as Tony ripped off his IV needle.

"What we needed was a suit of armour around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not." Tony looked over everyone.

"Your project got Sokovia destroyed and ruined." You reminded him, finger running over the rim of the glass cup. Tony began stumbling as he argued with Steve, stumbling towards him. He ripped off the Arc reactor, putting it in Steve's hand before falling to the ground. He fainted afterwards so Rhodes and Steve got him to the medical unit.

"This is such a shitshow. I'm going home." You said, standing up and picking up the glass. Natasha turned towards you.

"Stay for a little longer-"

"For what? So I can be told nothing's gonna bring back by family? My best friends? I had nothing then I had something and now I have nothing again." You flinched when the cup shattered, pieces of glass and water landing on the ground. You sighed softly, taking the shards stuck in your skin out.

"Sorry. I'll clean this up." You mumbled, using your other hand to get the water off the floor. Carol blinked, watching in surprise. You opened one of the cabinets, pulling out the first aid kit. You turned your head when Carol stood beside you.

"Hey." You breathed out, running your hand under water to wash away some of the blood. Carol picked up the antibiotic cream, using a cotton ball to dab it onto your cuts. You didn't really feel like healing yourself.

"I'm sorry you lost so many people." She said quietly, picking up the bandages and wrapping them around your hand.

"Well, shit happens." You looked at your bandaged palm, sighing softly.

"I lost two best friends." Carol said, leaning against the counter.

"Nick and Monica, the daughter of a good friend." Carol looked at you, arms crossing.

"Sams' sister calls nonstop and I don't know what to tell her. She has two toddlers, both parents passed away, and she's a widow. How can I tell her that her older brother turned into dust and I couldn't do anything to save him? Dad and I can't even look at each other without noticing how empty the house feels. I wake up everyday hoping it was all a nightmare but then I don't hear Laura telling the kids to get up or Clint going on about teaching Lila archery." You looked away from her, eyes watering. Carol placed a gentle hand on your arm, giving it a light squeeze.

"You did what you could. What you have to do now is be there for the people who are still here. Your friends sister needs you. She needs someone familiar. Someone close to Sam and someone who was there in his last moments." Carol said, watching you.

"You'll never get back up if you keep knocking yourself down." She said softly. You let out a shakey sigh, nodding and sniffling. Carol offered you a napkin, patting your back before she walked away. You wiped away your tears and splashed some water on your face, patting your face dry. You turned and grabbed the broom and collector, taking care of the glass. You put the first aid kit away as Carol re-entered the room with Natasha and Steve following.

"Hey, we usually do things as a team here." Natasha said as Carol spun around to look at her.

"We realize up there is your territory but this is our fight too." Steve added.

"Do you even know where he is?" Rhodes asked, head tilting. Carol shrugged lightly.

"I know people who might."

"Don't bother." You looked at the blue android girl, Nebula.

"I can tell you where Thanos is." She revealed. The humans glanced at each other before gathering in the office to hear what she had to say. You leaned against the doorway, semi interested.

"Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. When he worked he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled I wanted to please him.. I'd ask where we would go once his plan was complete. His answer was always the same." Nebula turned her head to look at everyone. "To the garden."

"That's cute. Thanos has a retirement plan." Rhodes mumbled as Rocket climbed onto the table, making a hologram of Earth appear.

"When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for ridiculously high cosmic proportions. Nobody's ever seen anything like it." Rocket said, making the hologram change to a different planet.

"Until two days ago on this planet." Rocket motioned to the planet shown. Nebula nodded, leaning forward.

"He used the stones again." Natasha whispered. Everyones attention shifted onto the planet.

"You can count me out. I have a therapy session soon." You called, turning around and walking down the steps.

"You go to therapy?" Rhodes asked, brows furrowing as he turned to face you.

"Yeah, it's called napping."

~~~~~~~~~~

You entered the house, taking in a deep breath. Neither you or Clint dared clean up the place. Everything was left exactly how it had been left after Thanos snapped his fingers. You entered the livingroom, gaze landing on the metal on the ground. You sighed softly, picking up the monitor. Clint had broken it. Clint not following the rules of his house arrest was probably the least of the governments problems. You tossed it onto the couch, walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge.

"Beer, beer, beer, leftovers, beer." You mumbled as you sorted through the fridge. You shut the fridge, looking at the drawings and pictures pinned to it with magnets. You swallowed, leaving the kitchen. You stepped over the Legos on the ground, going to the front door. You watched as Clint drew an arrow, shooting it at a target in the distance. All Clint did was practice. Probably to get his mind off things.

"Should I head into town for food?" You called out. Clint stayed silent so you took it as a no. You took out your phone, looking at the contact.

Sarah Wilson

You watched it ring, guilt creeping into your heart. You sighed, licking your lips and answering.

"Hello?"

"Oh, thank god! I've been trying to reach you for the past few weeks. I haven't heard anything yet about Sam and the others. How is Sam? Is he with you?"

"Sam.." You started, biting down on your lip as you shut your eyes. You let out a heavy sigh, taking a seat on the stairs.

"I should explain everything in person, Sarah. I'm not gonna make you wait until I get to Louisiana. Sam.. He, uh.. He didn't make it. I'm s-sorry." You sniffled, hearing a soft gasp leave Sarah.

"Oh, God.." She whispered.

"I-I'll stop by. I tell you everything but.. Sam.. Sam was a hero until the end." You said softly, hearing the kids in the background. You were relieved she wasn't completely alone.

"C-Could you just stay with me on the phone?" Sarah asked softly.

"Yeah, of course." You replied, answering her softly cry.

"What the hell am I gonna do now? Half the folks in town are gone and.." Sarah sniffled. You listened to her soft sniffles and sobs, sighing softly.

"I'm not gonna leave you, Sarah. Sam would have my head if I did." You smiled softly, hearing her chuckle.

"Thank you."

[mycptsdstory]

I had my therapy session yesterday and I told her about my autistic friends and how I lost a whole group.

My therapist and my bf told me "they still love you, but not the part of [flower]. They only loved you of apart, that didn't exist and because of that, it was a rocky foundation from the start".

That shook me, that stayed with me. They only loved a version of me, when I was pleasing people. When I didn't feel like myself. They loved apart of me that didn't exist.

Two days ago, when I had my singing lesson, I was wearing my hottopic purple tarten, pinafore dress (yes, Hottopic ships to the UK); when I was in CEX buying my Asian horror movies, the girl at the counter said to me "don't ever change. I love you for you. I love your style, I love how you dress. Don't change for no one" that nearly made me cry, because my own friends didn't like me, they only loved a version of me that didn't exist.

That brought me back a memory (I told my therapist this), the very last time I hung out with my friends as a group, before I left my family; I felt alone. I felt like I didn't belong, like I didn't fit in. I had 20 people around me and I felt so alone. It was such a strange feeling to have. I hung out with them, many times before and that time (just before I left my family) I felt so alone. I felt like, I didn't feel welcome and I didn't feel like I fit in.

I didn't understand why, until that very moment when a lady told me "don't change for no one". That was the issue, I was people pleasing everyone, to fit into THEIR standards.

With my autistic friends, I acted dumb so, they didn't feel left out and they didn't feel ashamed. I did that to myself, so I could stay friends with them. That's why it was a rocky friendship because there was no real foundation. No accepting me for me and since they can't mentally understand, they will have a hard time, to understand.

So when I left my family, they blamed me. Caused drama for me, saying "you're ruining the friendship group" when I was trying to figure out my life. What to do and how to do it. No one taught me banking, how to save up, how to buy things, how to do daily activities; it was a lot of mistakes and errors. However, I got there, slowly but surely. With little money I have, due to me being on benefits, I had to pay bills than going out. I had to make sure my cats are feed and I had food in the cupboard. My friends just said "why not ask your family" they never understood that I was being abused by my own family. Sadly and it hurts me, they don't understand abuse. They just don't. I felt guilty for having my own place, for being independent for the first time in my life. It felt like high school childish drama, all because I couldn't hang out with them, like we used too. That hurts me. So I stopped hanging out and that caused more drama. I felt guilty and bad because I felt (at the time) I caused it, when it was them all along. They blamed me for being independent, they blamed me for having my own place. That hurts. That fucking, deeply hurts.

They loved apart of me, that didn't exist.

Right now, it feels like an end to a chapter. I closed the book on my friends, that's why I had a rough week (me not sleeping or over sleeping and not even eating or trying to eat), I was grieving over my friendship loss.

The past week got so bad, I was waking up with nightmares, thinking everyone hates me. Then have these random thoughts that I'm not loved, everyone hates me and I'm just being tolerated. It came from my autistic friends and my therapist said "in your mind mind, you exaggerate, thinking it was real". Yeahh, she's right and I took that feeling everywhere and not gonna lie, it's hard to shut it off.

When I told my friend of the week I was having, she said "Stay traumatized for the sake of others' comfort?" That stuck with me. In order to stay with my friends, I have to stay traumatised and act like a child, just like then. I can stay with them as friends. However, that's so dangerous to do, especially when my family tried to kill me with poison, especially my mother. I can't do that to myself and what hurts more, my autistic friends will never understand that. It hurts so much that they don't understand.

So yeahh, it does feel like I'm closing a chapter to start a new.

It's a good feeling tho. It means, I'm moving on and healing.

[ivyprism]

I Always Hated the Quiet (The Masquerade Pirate Mermaid AU)

Trigger Warnings: Child death, parental death, grieving, and loss.

My mother used to tell me when I was younger that silence was neither a bad nor a good thing. I didn't understand what my mother was saying at first. Until I met her, a small sea serpent monster child who entered both my SOUL and my heart.

-----------

"Help!" I heard Angelina call. I swam over to the small sea serpent and turned around. I lowered myself to her level and gently petted her head because she was whimpering and sobbing.

"What's the matter, little one?" As the small one quickly hugged my waist, I asked gently. I gently hugged her because she was trembling.

"My mother and father! They are in big trouble! Please! You have to help!" Angelina begged, and I gladly complied as she drew me along. I picked her up and followed her directions to find them. Seafoam and blood in two piles. I couldn't bear the thought of her seeing it, so I didn't. Instead, I took her to my sister.

-----------

I adopted that little one as my own. I looked after her, consoled her, and informed her about her parents. I was there for her every step of the way. She was also quite young when I discovered her. When she was around, there was never a moment of silence. She was constantly trying to sing and be close to me. She'd draw, sing, and talk to me. I liked how loud she could be at times.

----------

"Mama! Look, Mama!" Angelina called out as she gently tugged on my pants. I chuckled and shifted my gaze from my wheel to her. "I drew us!" Angelina proudly displayed her photograph to me. I took it with a soft smile.

"It's beautiful, angel..." I smiled and walked down to my boar to put it on. She was watching with bated breath and excitement. "There! I'll always remember it." I lowered my gaze to Angelina, who smiled brightly. I chuckled as she hugged my legs and I kneeled.

"I love you, mama!" Angelica yelled, and I laughed. I shifted her hair and kissed her on the cheek. She laughed, and I smiled even wider.

"I love you too..."

------------

Calypso and I met while I was looking for my sister. Calypso had killed my precious Angelina when she was only six years old. It was unexpected and terrifying. I hated the silence, and it had hit me like a ton of bricks.

-------

"ANGELINA!" When I saw my little girl fall to the ground, I burst into tears. I used my magic to push her off my ship while she whimpered in pain. I had taken her into my arms and was powerless to stop her. My magic was too weak, and I was exhausted. "Angelina- Hold on, angel, hold on-" I tried to reassure her, but it was too late. I was at a loss for what to do as I attempted to heal her. I started coughing, and she shook her head. She tucked herself into me.

"Mama, I'm so tired..." Angelina had told me, and I could feel her body and SOUL weakening as I fought back tears. "I'm just... Going to close my eyes... I can't wait for tomorrow..." Angelina reassured me. I pleaded with her not to shut her eyes, but it was too late. In my hands, I felt her body turn to foam... I didn't see her SOUL, but I wasn't required to. I sobbed because I knew she was gone. I heard my sister call my name, but I couldn't stop crying or respond.

I just started humming a soft song for her one last time as I let the truth and pain sink in.

---------

It was so cold and quiet after that. I despised it. I despised how quiet it was. My sister did everything she could to make me feel better, but my SOUL hurt, and I was exhausted. I, on the other hand, reminded myself that I needed to be strong and hold on to what life I had left. It was the only thing I could do to help my sister. Regardless of how tired I've become, or how lonely, sad, or heartbroken I've become.

And no matter how much I hated the quiet.

-------

@okay-kioko / @kiokodoodles

[impossible-rat-babies]

5 and 13 (I'm sorry) for Dimitri and Bull; 9 and 15 for Darva and Dorian!

Ahh thank you Azia! Also, number 13 is RUDE

Dimitri/Bull:

5. How would they describe each other?

Bull: Dimitri is a handful; he’s got his tics and quirks, little things that don’t make sense to anyone really. He’s got a head in five hundred different places all at once and barely enough time to breathe. Sometimes he takes twenty minutes to say one thing. But...he’s got this cute little grin he does when he’s happy and holding back a laugh--pinching his tongue with his teeth. His nose wrinkles when he’s angry and he groans differently each morning. He’s got a lot of wisdom in his head even if it takes him a minute to get it out; he isn’t stupid, that’s for sure. He’s a lot of different things, most of it messy, but he’s my mess--my Kadan. The person I chose to wake up to--to love each day. That’s plenty enough for me.

Dimitri: Bull is a rock--port in a storm. A comfort. He cares a lot--so much I think it hurts even if he won’t say it. Can’t not look at him and see how much he would give for others. He’s got a big heart and he’s funny too. Made me laugh when things were bad; thinks about ways to keep people grounded. He also...he also choses to care about me each day, just as I do the same. It’s a choice and...somehow that means more than plain love or blind devotion. Embracing faults in others is hard, but he does it nonetheless. Guess it’s one of the reasons I love him so much.

13.Who dies first? How does the other one react?

Bull is the one who dies first and it’s of old age in their home in the Dales. Dimitri is numb to the loss for a long while; he copes with grief by isolating his feelings on the matter away and trying to unpack them when he can manage it. Granted, the unpacking process of grieving the love of your life is rarely that organized and his coping is akin to deep and wild mood swings of incredible painful sadness and possibly being okay with the fact that he passed after living a good life. He always sort of has those swings over the rest of his own life, but he does grow to look at their time together as something warm, incredibly and deeply wonderful, and something deeply loving. He was his soulmate and knowing that they got to share their lives together means more to Dimitri than anything else.

--

Darva/Dorian:

9. What made them realize they were in love?

Darva for sure knew he was in love with Dorian in a heavily romantic way--since he has the thing of struggling to define what kind of love he feels for people--after the resolution to Dorian’s personal quest. He wanted to comfort Dorian and to be close to him, to try and share that burden with him, which translated to Darva as him being in love with him. But, he obviously shut down a lot of those feelings since they were both at odds with each other over how it was handled for a while. I wrote about that here, but they do get back onto solid ground--so to speak--and Darva felt more okay with letting himself feel that out. He didn't press too much onto Dorian, but they did have a lot of that coy sort of banter/witty back talking without saying how they felt for a long while.

Dorian knew he was in love with Darva during one of their little late night reading sessions up in Darva’s room. Darva has awful dyslexia, so he doesn’t really read much, so Dorian will take up sharing fun books or educational texts with him. They had both had some wine and were laughing when Dorian had that striking thought of moving forward in their relationship and a giant pit of fear didn't immediately try and eat him alive. There was a thought of “maybe he won't push me away because I’ve been nothing but a fun side note.” That translated to him falling in love with Darva.

15. Describe your favorite moment of that ship!

As cheesy and corny as it sounds, I love the big sex scene for the two of them because it’s this huge thing of vulnerability for them. It’s Dorian exposing himself to the possibility of him being just a fun fling and now it’s over because the point in moot of the relationship, and Darva having the vulnerability to have Dorian see him exposed and undressed. It’s beautiful and wonderful because they both are accepting of each other when neither thought it was going to happen. They both accepted each other and had the hope that they will get to define how to move on, how to have this relationship. 

It’s really like that moment where Dorian and the quizzy are like:

“It would be foolish not to.”

“So let’s be foolish.”

--

[otp ask game]

[give-soup-please]

We stared at each other for a while, both at a loss for words. I didn't know what I needed from him in that moment, I just knew I wanted him near.

"He took advantage of me. He kept pushing and pushing and pushing at my boundaries, and I gave in. I feel dirty. Used." There wasn't a need to explain this, he'd seen the whole thing happen. But I felt that strange urge to explain, to ask for forgiveness.

The narrator, the erudite and lovely narrator, had insight given to few other characters. He knew what I was getting at.

"You are forgiven. Though personally, I don't see how it's your fault. He was the one who... Eugh. What he did was vile, writer. It was cruel. I do not blame you for acting as you did. I just wish... There was more I could do."

"Hehehe... So do I. But hey, life is... life, huh?"

"Oh dear me, you're getting less comprehensible by the second. Are you alright?" There was a smile in his voice.

I laughed. It started as a giggle, then it got louder, and the tears continued to stream down my face as the tension eased.

"H-Hey, can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

"I love you."

He snorted. "I'm uncertain as to whether or not that's a secret, Jay. Anyone who's known you for more than half an hour could probably pick up on that."

We both laughed for a bit. I noted the use of my real name. That was rare.

"But seriously, I... really do love you. You deserve to know, and-"

He hushed me. "Shh, shh. I think you're the one in need of comfort this time. You can boost up my tremendous ego another time... In let's say, hmm, two minutes."

I cackled. It was an ugly laugh. "You're such an ass. You're lucky you're so damned charming."

He preened, then refocused himself. I admired his effort to stay on track, despite my attempts to distract him.

"Charming as I may be, it's you who needs help right now. So, I'll remind you. What happened was not your fault. You've done the right thing by casting him out of your circle of... I'm not even going to describe him as a friend, actually. Certainly not now. You made the right decision to protect yourself, even though it hurts terribly."

I absorbed his words. My brain felt too tired for much more than just listening. He had the best voice of them all, how could I not pay attention?

"I can't believe you're using the fact that I write you as kind against me like this. How devious of you."

He hummed, delighted. "Now that, you should have seen coming. I fought valiantly to be at your side as your comfort character. I worked so hard at becoming who you needed. Did you really think I wouldn't help when you asked for it?"

He was grinning. So was I.

"Alright, you sap. You win. You're victorious. I bow to your superior wisdom and-"

"-And you'll accept the fact that as long as you ask for me, I won't fail to show up."

"...Fine. Fine. God, I knew I should have played your antagonistic side up more in the beginning. Then I wouldn't be so- so-"

"Charmed?"

I wheezed. "You absolute- you- Shut up."

He chuckled, then sighed happily. "Never fear, writer. I'll be the light on your wayward narrative ship. And for as long as you need me, I'll be there."

(Ya boy has gone through it. I had to block off some harmful communications that were happening between me and someone I thought of as a friend. Folks, It's important to learn to leave at the first red flag you see, not the twentieth. I'll be fine, but I am grieving a bit. Normal posts will resume soon. In the meantime, here's some 100% indulgent fluff to tide you over.)

out of context narrator comfort

His footsteps echoed quietly as he came down the hall. I heard him sigh before pushing my door open with a knock. I peaked my head out from under the covers, and we looked at each other for a very long time.

It took a few moments for me to realize that for the first time since we’d known each other, he was waiting for me to speak first.

“I got hurt.”

“I saw. And I’m so, so, terribly sorry.”

I lay my head back, the pillows making a soft woomph as I did so. “I should have seen it coming, I think. There was something I’d missed on my first reading of their script. A lot of things. I’m so tired, narrator.”

“I know. Perhaps you’d enjoy playing a few rousing rounds of my game- there’s something to be said about that freedom ending…”

“I don’t feel up for it tonight.” I replied. 

“It must be serious.” He said. 

“Don’t joke.” I snapped. I took a shuddering breath. “Please, not now. Please-” I did my best to suppress the tears that were coming on. I didn’t quite manage, and a few leaked out onto my pillow.

“I wasn’t joking. The pain I can feel coming off of you- How do humans stand it?” 

I gestured to my bed. “Sometimes, we stay here. Sometimes, we ask friends for help. It just depends.”

“And yet, out of all your options, you called on me. You’ve made an excellent choice. Quite possibly, the best choice. Indeed, with a voice as steeped in richness as mine, I imagine you shall feel comforted in no time.”

“Mn.” 

His ego peeled away for a moment. “Come now, writer. Work with me. How can I help?”

“Stay with me.”

“As long as you need.”