#should I just stop lying to myself

[naranjapetrificada]

I've started seeing more and more people talk about how everyone is operating without the context of Izzy's actions in s1e10 and how that needs to come out if they actually want to stick the landing for this season, and I'm starting to wonder if the anxiety around that is coming from a similar place as the queerbaiting anxiety from season one?

Like the idea that we're so used to seeing the Izzys of the world get off easier than they otherwise might? I know that some people will immediately be like "he's miserable and lost a leg" but ignoring the way the show handles physical vs emotional violence (or that Izzy fucked around and found out), there's retribution and there's atonement. You can't truly atone without doing it for the right reasons, and that can't happen without truth. Kicking Ed while he was down is something Izzy did from a queerphobic* place and I can't help but think about that when I'm also thinking about Izzy's hypothetical redemption arc for this season.

Intellectually I trust the team that gave us season 1 not to fumble the bag so badly as to not bring this sort of reckoning to Izzy eventually, but my limbic system hasn't gotten the message just yet. Here's hoping it's on the horizon somewhere, not just because it seems narratively important but also because I'd really love it if Izzy stopped taking up so much space.

*I'm not interesting in having the "iS iZzY hOmOpHoBiC" argument again so take that elsewhere please

[avoidmint]

Old doodle I did in August. It was actually on the same file I drew Firefighter Gadget on and I don't remember the context at all! Were they related? Who knows? Not me! Even though I drew it! Because my memory sucks and August was kind of a blur of Things Happening. So was September actually.

Anyways, he's gonna bite that gay little finger right off you tease.

[icarusdiesatdawn]

anyone else feeling kinda, i dunno, guilty? just for being alive. With everything going on in the world

[takeyourcyanide]

asking for help always makes things worse

[lilacerull0]

i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this

[futurewife]

Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.

Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less

I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"

I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)

[badolmen]

“here’s a chubby [insert character name]! ☺️” but they still have defined obliques, no double chin, no fat over their belt, muscular arms, thigh gap -

[elytrafemme]

sometimes i do miss the era where i could go ballistic crazy do you know how much reprieve i'd get if i could text someone do you think i'm insane and pretty and bad at sex. i've never actually sent a text like that in my life but there was something awfully rhythmic about doing literally ANYTHING so that someone wouldn't leave and now i just have to like... sit here. and like their instagram stories. and try not to go insane? i can't even vague like i used to because there's too many eyes on me WHAT DO I DO...

[prozach27]

.

[iwakuraz]

everytime I think even just a little bit that I'm starting to sort of get better at speaking aloud, somebody will say something horrible to me about my voice and ruin everything

[worldend]

i feel like i fall into like every trans stereotype ever because i really do wish i was just born a guy instead because i feel like me being trans feels useless since i dont think i will ever transition or even come out to anybody because everything just seems like such a hassle. weird tonal shift all of a sudden but ive been thinking about it

[teethpaste]

I never should’ve let mustached love bomber back in , he is so toxic and unstable and bad for me and it is ADDICTING

Like I eat it up. I feel myself feeling crazy! I know it’s gonna crash and burn by August so I’m like ? Just lean into it? Enjoy it for what it is and know he’s gonna leave and that’s okay. Life is short like I may just have 1 month of fun, right? Right?

[loderlied]

hm

[stergeon]

Hey ^^

Just finished catching up on the victors - just wanted to pop in and let you know that I'm enjoying it immensely and am very curious to see where you'll go with it.

Hope you have a great day ^^

thank you anon, i’m so glad you like it!!!! theoretically i’ll be updating Soon; chapter 4 is very close to being done and i’m extreeeemely excited for where it’s gonna go from there 😈

appreciate your message, thanks again for reaching out <3 hope you have a great day too!!

[todayisafridaynight]

i have to drive for like two hours tomorrow and all i can think of is old people

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm so desperately bored rn. can't do anything. because all I want to do is think about Dan or Jenkins. but I don't want to let myself do that because then I'll lie down and fall asleep and the day will be over and it'll feel like I didn't do anything.

can't even watch anything. nothing feels right. I'm. so bored. I tried drawing but. nope. head empty.