#shit anthony burch says

[correctdndadsquotes]

Freddie: Hey, can we just take a quick vote here? Do we still want Beth on the podcast?

Anthony: Oh my God, if it's between her and you, I'm so sorry.

Will: Yeah, are you trying to stage a coup right now, dude?

[punks23]

"Grant got knocked up and is now also dealing with [Redacted]... yea grant got knocked up hes pregnant now. (Second of silence) mpreg."

[muttmolar]

anthony burch: "beth take a d4 of damage for autoerotic asphyxiation."

[ohnoitsnoma]

me everyday on this website

[paging-possum]

No because the number of nonwhite dndads fans saying they were put off the show/fandom because of the way white fans treat nonwhite characters…….like hello. Is that not a bit of a sign there’s a problem….If you’re all desperate to critique the show can you also critique the environment you’ve all made.

[variksel]

ok but this is like an entire genre of Guy right

like. personality, looks, humor, the way they all make darker jokes and/or content, even the way they talk and their cadence is so insanely similar i feel like im going crazy which factory are they popping these motherfuckers out of

[soup-child]

Anthony Burch is playing with hermie like children play with dolls and we are just here suffering the consequences

[lunarrosette]

I hope im not just so random tumblr user to you all but also the most delusional nark shipper

[waterberry-strawmelon]

it really sucks when the creator(s) of something you really like clearly have some unchecked biases that leak into their work, cuz you know they’d probably try and correct their behavior if they had it pointed out to them, but they’re just so oblivious that some little comments drop here and there that just brilliantly showcase how entrenched they are in their sphere of privilege to recognize it

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i'm so fucking scared

edit um. so. found out what the letter said. halfway through my tags. hhaha. funny silly podcsat. haha.

[correctdndadsquotes]

Matt: I point the gun and I shoot Scary.

Will: You shoot Scary? 

Anthony: [genuine panic] Scary?!

Matt: No, like I shoot Scary out of my gun…

[delusion-incarnate]

didn't think i could appreciate anything more than anthony being such a fucking phenomenal dm and then AND THENNN we got anthony let's-make-these-fuckers-cry burch as a player and LORD. MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS. WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNN THE FEELING OF JOY WAS SO ALIEN TO FRANCIS RHAT IT MADE HIM SAY "FUCK NO" TO BIG G GODSLAYER????? ARE YOU SHITTING MY DICK RN IM THROWING UPPPPP

[solitary-bones]

so dndads live show St Paul! idk how much of this is a spoiler for anyone else going to shows so I'ma cut here!

we had!

- so many gay people in the audience that as I was walking in to the venue I said to my friend damn this is like a pride parade and a bunch of gay people in front of me were like TRUEE

- a live performance of both! dead and gone and rocks rock! it was so incredible. Beth and Will both POPPED OFFF!!!!!! they were so cool oh my god. and Freddie fucking shredded it on the electric guitar it was so sick.

- silly St Paul themed dad facts plus Ron just uhh thinking all manual labor is called a hand job.

- the people royally fucking up the dice roll (not my fault I was in the balcony I cannot be held responsible)

- the people absolutely manifesting the complete improv prompt as the live show topic. and all of the cast going into mourning over it (will fell to his knees on the stage so dramatically it was so funny)

- the cast deciding to do a DND game with their characters! Starring: Will Campos as Henry oak as Mr Chris (later Dr Chris), by the book health inspector! Matt Arnold as Darryl Wilson as Darryl, ex football quarterback now accomplished priest searching to remember all 10 commandments! Beth may as Ron stampler as Nor Relpmats, doctor (the best health inspector of them all)! and Freddie Wong as Glenn Close as Glenn The Closer, weed enjoyer moonlighting as a health inspector relying on his gut! Anthony Burch as Patrick as Patrick the shit (among other characters)!

- the audience not being able to stop being horny when giving suggestions for what their location, bad guy, and theme were gonna be (bdsm dungeon, just a guy from the audience named Patrick, and a 10 commandments dildo)

- an abundance of flashbacks and one single flashforward

- butt spanking competition to get past the second door (it is a bdsm castle ig)

-mr Chris tests to see if the floor has been cleaned recently and thinks it hasn't. Glenn the closers gut says it's fine but Mr Chris says if he tastes some of what's on the ground he'll be able to tell better. Glenn the Closer bites his fingers and Mr Chris is into it.

- Mr Chris finding a dead cockroach on the ground and revives it using CPR and mouth to mouth (Anthony is the cockroach and also when will tried to fake the mouth to mouth yelled DO IT PUSSY so yeah they actually kissed like twice at least) and revived it to ask about the cleanliness of the floor and found it not very.

- none other than paeden bennets on the second level, who Darryl proceeded to obliterate with a holy football. I'm not lying (not before asking how Patrick the DM knew about their friend Paeden who was long dead and us getting a lively npc on npc scene by Anthony of Patrick meeting Paeden and getting punched in the balls and saying "I'll never forget you")

- Test by the health inspectors to see if the blood of paeden would get cleaned up. all of the soots from spirited away came in with little mops to clean it and cleaned all the party. Glenn rolled to see if he's into it and got a 9 but the crowd gave inspiration and he got a 6, which is 69 so he was and wanted to stay there forever with the soots. Henry as Mr Chris used his persuasion to get Glenn the closer to leave the soots by saying that whatever they're doing he could do it better. because apparently they're ex lovers now. (Anthony yelled something about Will wanting to kiss another boy)

- Flashback reveals that they were highschool sweethearts but were going to health inspection schools on opposite sides of the US and were talking about how their relationship would progress from there when Mr Chris' secret lover barges in and informs them that they're pregnant and he's the father! Glenn the Closer gets upset and asks what happened and Mr Chris proceeds to another, extremely graphic, flashback where Ron the doctor commentates the uhhh conceiving of said child. and Glenn is understandably upset at the graphicness of this explanation about being cheated on. They end with bitter words, stating they're now nemesis in health inspection.

- Nor asks Mr Chris how long it's been since he saw his son Patrick. (not since birth lmao)

- they go up to the final level, find Patrick using the commandment dildo, on the 8th one I think, and upon seeing his absent father run in and ask "are ya winning, son!?"gets extremely turned off. he understandably asks what he's doing there after being absent his whole life. Mr Chris explains that he's finally ready to be back in his life, with his husband Glenn the closer, and his newfound belief in Christianity from Darryl the priest who's really good at football.

- Flashforward to Mr Chris and Glenn the Closer living together and apparently "they're bougie enough to have their own priest" so Darryl lives with them too. Nor comes to visit and we see the commandment dildo hanging above the mantle.

and that's that on that.

[fryerdan]

A Proposal for Anthony

To: Mr. Anthony Burch, D.M.

Hello Mr. Burch,

You do not know me, I do not know you. However, it has come to my attention, (and I'm sure some others, possibly including yourself), that often you do not either have prepared, or want to have, a "interesting" dad-fact (your words not mine.)

And as such I have a proposal for you to consider.

During the course of these two seasons we have heard many facts about both 'The Dads' and 'The Teens', but I would like to propose that instead of having to rack your memory and dive back to the dreaded days of high school, you give the listeners a dad-fact, (or rad-fact), about the 'Kidads'. (Lark, Sparrow, Nicky, Grant, and Terry Jr.)

Providing dad-facts in this way would provide the listeners with either:

a. A small insight into the lives of these characters,

Or,

b. Some terrible emotionally devastating piece of information that will launch the listeners into a frenzy, or an immeasurably deep pit of sorrow. (*Insert any fact about Terry Jr. here*)

Of course I make no move to intrude on the structure that is the podcast. I simply felt as though when one has a kinda-lame, very-slim-chance-of-reaching-someone-who-can-do-something-about-it idea, it is one's duty to shout it into the void that is the discord.

Now you may be thinking, 

"Oh, heavens to Betsy! This sounds like more work that would have to be done every week!" And start comparing these to the facts of one (1) William Campos, written down with much forethought, but fear not! For, I need not remind you, you are the DM, you could literally say whatever random shit pops up in your head the second before you say it, and no one can dispute it. Imagine the power you could wield.

And so I leave this here, possibly never to be read, in the hope that it makes something easier, or that you at least get a chuckle out of it before you move on. 

Sincerely, (and with much love of the podcast),

Danthony Janthony W., Fellow DM and lover of putting way too much effort into jokes.

-Dan

(In actuality, I just thought this was an interesting idea and my sister agreed, so do what you want, it's not up to me. I do really like the podcast though, you guys do a great job. 👍 (Cast, please reiterate this praise to Anthony if he tries to deflect it.))

[ginalinettiofficial]

hey what’s up hello okay so i finally just finished s2 e52 of dndads (had a very crazy work week so was listening in bits and pieces) and here’s the thing is that im also currently relistening to the whole season and earlier in this week, the most recent episode i finished, was halt and catch fireball, and before that ya know was mrs. swallows oak garcia’s home for peculiar teens or whatever that one is called where they are just. at normal’s house and we got to actually get to know rebecca a little bit and i have got to say that i don’t know if i could’ve picked a more painful and wild older ep to listen to as a precursor to dood riddance i really don’t!!! literally half of the shit in dood riddance just circles back to that arc in the swallows oak garcia home and it’s CRAZY

like first of all. the red vines, which they called twizzlers the entirety of e52 which was MADDENING as a person who legit just finished e30/31 where the red vines were introduced

but then like. e31 is where taylor gets the anime sword from nick!!! that he loses in e52!!!

there were a few other things that i’ve forgotten in the half an hour since i finished the ep because my brain is a sieve on a good day and i’m just getting home from two back to back 13 hour shifts (with an extra 1hr10/20 each day for the commute) so the brain machine is so fucking broke rn

but mainly. i wasn’t loving e52 esp after dood left i just was not vibing with it, i feel like the vibes were off in the room in a way that translated into the ep for a bit there, but then anthony in those last like three minutes brought it back around and with the roll of rebecca??? after i legit JUST finished listening to the eps that feature her the most prominently and like truly showcase not only normal’s relationship w his mom but also, as is said several times in e30/31 and their teen talks, just how similar normal IS to his mom and how he really clearly is a total momma’s boy and very much so seemed to be a kid who sought solace with his mom more than anyone else in his family and just. having legit JUST reestablished that in my own, made the end of e52 DEVASTATING for me in a way that idk if it was for other ppl??? idk haven’t checked the fandom yet im very disconnected this season but just.

like

i think that okay so we have ten parents it could’ve been, right? and five of those are the kiddads, and none of us want to see them die, so in that moment when anthony was telling us what was gonna happen, obviously my instinct was like “oh god don’t do this don’t do terry jr again but truly permanent” and then my next instinct was that it would be potentially even MORE awful if it was scary’s dad because finally there he is and that’s ALL she wants and for willy to take that moment from her would be INSANE and then (mind you this was my thought process over the course of literally 10 seconds, my brain is ping ponging in my head and has been since the second i got in the car to head home i need to sleep) and THEN my next thought was, oh god, but how fucked up would it be if it were marco??? oh god, how fucked up would it be if it were cassandra?!?!?!?! and then it was time for the roll and truly in those brief seconds basically my brain flicked through every potential victim and said “oh god THAT one would be the WORST”, EXCEPT for veronica and rebecca, and it made the hit of it being rebecca who was low down on my instinctual list to think of but then the second he said her name i was immediately ricocheted back to earlier in the week when i was listening to halt and catch fireball and mrs. swallows oak garcias home and how many emotions i had about normal and his mom just relistening to those episodes and then the fact that i DIDNT think to worry about her just

all of that combined to make that a CRITICAL HIT FOR ME OKAY like i am SO fucked up over this truly that was WILD and i applaud anthony burch for it and now am excited for the finale even though ive spent the last three eps just dreading it for several reasons but now im excited and devastated and i love that

anyways. that was word vomit i just NEEDED to get this out because the connections between those two episodes really will not stop hitting me in the head and i need to impart that onto SOMEONE. if u read this. ur a real one. rip rebecca swallows oak garcia you were a legend and i am so sad about u

[thrown-away-opinions]

You ever watch a youtube video and someone tries to casually use some neopronoun "Xir" or "Mx." type of shit and you can just tell how painfully awkward and unnatural it felt to say it out loud? And then they just go out of their way not to refer to that person by pronouns for the rest of the video, almost like they know how fucking cringe it sounds.

That's amusing to me, because even if they won't admit it, they know it's fucking laughable and makes them look ridiculous. It's like how people were unironically saying things "triggered" them, or claiming that air conditioning and all kinds of other silly shit was "misogyny". That sort of behavior became something everyone started laughing at until it just gradually became less and less common as people quietly acknowledge what a clownish way to act that was.

Same thing happened to "cuck" which also had a specific meaning and came into usage around the time people were laughing at Anthony Burch and Moot. Then it broke containment and people were unironically slinging it around at every little thing until "guy who calls people cucks" became a joke unto itself and people starting to get a little more self-conscious about throwing around the stupid clown words.

The self-righteous high that people get from adopting whatever the latest activist newspeak is can be offset and canceled out by laughing at them until the shame and embarrassment catches up.