#she's unhappy because you've stopped acting like you care

[theeternalwombtarot]

what permanent union w/ your divine feminine would be like: divine masculine reading

message: this one's for the divine masculine today, I'm really excited about it. I don't know much of the divine masculine collective I have as an audience on this blog so hopefully, it reaches who it needs to reach, if you're a divine feminine I'm sure you can enjoy this message too or find something within it that will resonate with you. I’m still brain storming more ideas for readings to make for the divine masculine collective, I even asked around and asked a couple of male friends I had who I felt like were a little more enlightened then most and I wasn't able to find anything but surely the answers are within me and I can be able to develop more content directed towards the divine masculine collective. 💚

The color green feels incredibly significant at this time as well as angel numbers 444,888,9911,36548

I believe my past message I just posted just now about “The Sign” by Ace of Base and the lyrics may have been able to resonate for the divine masculine collective or at least for a handful of you. Many of you who are in twin flame connections who have a divine feminine or divine counterpart have finally awakened to your worth and are realizing how much you don't deserve to settle out of fear and are about to step into honoring your heart chakra and acting on your truest wishes and desires. Congratulations, you've finally done it!

“I've got a new life, you would hardly recognize me, I'm so glad!”

Complete transformation. Karmic cycles are closed and done for. Your current reality is history all on it’s own so stop looking at it and checking for it the reality you're coming into is the one you've been dreaming of all along.

***

i.

I see this connection with the divine feminine being extremely private and protected pile one. The two of you will grow to know how important it is to protect your connection and value it above all else, I see you guys doing big things together, making big moves, accomplishing goals and reeling in manifestations left and right. the two of you are going to protect this connection from unnecessary interferences and nosey people who just want to see what you’re doing and have opinions about your connection or even be haters and talk to their friends about how much the two of you are receiving and how much they think you don’t deserve it. There may be a lot of jealous onlookers. People who wanted your divine feminine or people who wanted to be with you. You may be someone who attracts people who like to take up space and are attracted to you for what you can give them rather than who you are and your divine feminine isn’t this way. She loves you for who you are, she chose you, she doesn’t need you.

And, she’s about to make a lot of people really jealous and unhappy lol. There’s going to be so much love and passion between the two of you and so much care with this two of cups here, the two of cups coming out here makes me think of twin souls and high level connections where the two people become so in alignment with one another that you’re practically fusing souls and becoming more able to connect with one another energetically. I’m hearing you guys are going to become in sync. Finishing each others sentences, knowing what the other wants without having to ask, being able to have genuine conversations, being able to help each other through arguments and hardships in an energy that’s not meant to scrutinize, judge, or hurt one another but with the energy to understand and process what’s going on with one another. Being able to literally do things for one another as acts of service or because you two share a great love and it be exactly what’s needed.

Acts of service could be a big love language for you as well and your divine feminine is the queen of acts of service. If you know her already as a person she may be someone who loves to give to others and make people feel very safe and acknowledged. I’m getting imagery of Snow White and the seven dwarfs, her being able to give them and all the other creatures in the forest things to look forward to and things to suit their individual needs and do it gracefully and out of love if I’m correct. She shows them this genuine love and maternal care and appreciation (especially the dwarfs) and in return they love and admire her back and go out of their way to protect her and keep her safe. Im hearing she’s a woman of the world or she falls very deeply into the archetype of the mother. You may be very paternal in energy as well. You guys go together like peanut butter in jelly, you guys are the emperor and the empress. Mom and dad.

Children and animals are particularly drawn to her and love being in her energy because they know in their hearts that she accepts them and will go out of her way to make sure they feel safe and content when she’s around. Your divine feminine could be someone well loved, well desired or well admired. She could be really graceful and she may even potentially attract haters or people who are mad at her just because she exists because she produces such a high vibrational energetic frequency. She may even trigger others to see aspects of their own shadow and look at themselves and reflect on who they are. The imagery of reflections and mirrors are significant here and really being me back to this whole show white thing. The main antagonist is jealous of Snow White, wants her beauty and her grace and as a result poisons her so that she can step into her spotlight. Your divine feminine may be hyper aware of people in her life or people who’ve been in her life before who wanna shove her aside and take her place and she could be very protective over her energy.

You could’ve known women in your social circles who were envious of her or knew her, were friends with her, or watched her and admired her and tried to mimic her or copy her influence and were unsuccessful. You may be realizing a lot of this behavior with karmic feminines you’ve dated in the past who knew about your divine feminine as well. This divine feminine of yours could be spiritual as well, highly intuitive or someone you deem to be very wise and intelligent. She will return you from spiritual poverty and help you to cleanse the spirit and heal. Your connection will be full of spiritual growth and enlightenment. The two of you may spend a lot of time working through trauma and sitting with each other healing each others pain. I see her completely shifting your life around and your habits and lifestyle as a whole when the two of you are in Union. Teaching you about things she’s learned over the years, changing your dietary choices, introducing you to holistic care and practices, getting you to meditate, journal, and create and express yourself and expand as an individual. She wants the best for you and she will treat you as such because she respects you and she loves you.

I see her protecting you in spirit as well, cleansing your energy for you, bathing you, or even casting protection or abundance spells for you if she’s into Wiccan practices or the metaphysical. You guys are going to be doing a lot together, traveling, spending time outside in nature, starting businesses and making money together, learning, flourishing, picking up new hobbies, cooking, making friends and meeting soul family, making love, being the embodiment of love, finding peace. I also see her not allowing you to spend time around people she intuitively knows don’t love you or don’t want good things for you as well. She’s so protective over you. Naturally. All on her own without you having to ask. She defends you when you’re not in the room and she speaks very highly of you.

She will make you a better man and a better human being. And when the two of you come into union with one another the ball will start rolling and it’ll begin rolling very quickly, you guys may even run off and get married very quickly, manifestations coming in very quickly as well, the world will be aligning in your favor because your spirit guides, guardian angels and the divine mother protect this connection with a heavy hand. Looking for a house? Market will be cheaper you’ll find a real nice one quickly and be able to move in right away. You guys want to go on vacation together? You’ll find an opportunity to be able to travel for less money and be accommodated along the way. You guys want another pet? The perfect one is sitting at the humane society waiting patiently for the two of you to come and biting the fingers of whomever else dares to come see them.

What more do I need to say??? What are you sitting there doing nothing for??? GO GET HER AND PROPOSE!

***

ii.

I’m hearing , “I was blind but now I see.” You could’ve been running from her or you do run from her and you may try to invalidate your connection or downplay how much influence she has over you out of fear but I’m hearing that you want love but you keep turning around and looking in all the wrong places, looking at all the wrong people because you’re settling for what and who you feel you deserve. It’s what people do, the choices you make, the types of people you choose to be around, hang out with, date, sleep with, etc. are a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. Whether or not your perception of what you’re worth or your self concept was created by you or someone else or other people or other influences in your life who told you that you weren’t important or deserving of good things and genuine love and respect AND SUPPORT. The energy you bring to your divine feminine and your connection is a reflection of you and how much value you think you have.

Men are designed to bring things into fruition, you take your manifestations and you make them physical, tangible things, as natural guardians of the physical 3D world you siphon energy from deep within you to push things into the atmosphere or bring them into fruition. This is why in our world today, when we know masculine energies and men struggle with their own self concept, self esteem, and position in life they outwardly express and project that onto the world and the people around them. I sense very complicated and confusing energy within this pile, it’s almost like many of you struggle with your words or often find that you say the wrong things instead of what you wanted to say, or your throat chakra is blocked. Some of you within this group aren’t great communicators and may not be able to express yourself well with people in your life especially women and especially with your divine feminine. A lot of you are very tired and stressed out as well because you may spend a lot of time with the wrong people, doing the wrong things, not valuing your presence, not grounding your energy and maybe even failing to do some hard inner work or welcome your emotions and fears so that you can see them clearly and take action to understand and release them out of self compassion.

There’s a lot spirit wants me to say to you here about the way you give out your energy to others. Even for many of you who don’t sleep around or physically participate in energy transfers and the creating of soul ties, you offer your energy to too many people through flirting or through social connections. You may find within your love life that you come in and out of peoples lives or get them to a point of feeling emotionally connected or tied to you and then you run away to avoid feeling trapped and that all on its own will contribute to a loss of energy. You spread yourself too thin, chasing highs or trying to fill voids and you leave with less than you came with in the first place. You allow people to walk around with pieces of your spirit that you let them have.

Coming into union with your person would fix so much of this. What you’re looking for outside of yourself and outside of her you will find almost instantly. It’s almost like the answer and solution is so clear yet you can’t yet see it or you hadn’t seen it before. All this stress you carry she would take away from you and cleanse you of it. There’s no way that you would continue to feel burdensome, incomplete or as if your value is less than you would like it to be. When you’re with a divine counterpart, in Union, in alignment with them and with yourself that does not exist. She would give you the strength to love yourself whole heartedly because she loves you unconditionally and would not judge you. When I think about what love is supposed to be like I think about 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

That within itself is the message right there. When you are in union with her and you’ve done the inner work before hand to accept her and become a unit with her you will no longer feel the need to consume so much or collect so many people or so many things in your life to make yourself feel as though you have plenty of opportunities and accomplishments here. You could be someone who takes a lot of pride in their accolades or someone who collects things and picks things up no matter karmic, temporary, or whatever along the way to add to the list of things you have when what you genuinely lack is self love and self care. You will be secure and you will be whole. When you find her, when you are with her, all your past hurt and sorrows will not hurt so bad and you can continue to heal and find happiness and solace in her care and presence. When you find her, when you are with her, you will no longer feel stagnant or feel as though you are undecided and in a constant state of being uprooted. You’ll be able to continue to explore what feels like to release limiting beliefs for yourself and found freedom.

You may feel discouraged, you may feel as though you’ll never find genuine love or like it’s not written in the stars for you to find your divine counterpart and to find someone within this lifetime that will love you the way you love them and thats not true. It’s a reflection of how lovable and how valuable you think you are. When you find her she’s going to be able to build with you and contribute to your life and support your wishes and dreams. She’ll be growing with you and moving with you at a pace that’s safe and comfortable for you. You’ll feel even more inspired and ambitious in your life and in your goals and aspirations. I think you may worry about getting to a point in your life where you feel even with your accomplishments that you’ll be feeling incomplete and unhappy because you don’t believe you’ll find genuine love outside of what and who you may have found already but this is not true. Your divine feminine and you will find one another. You’ll be happy and supported. You’ll build a life together that’s safe and consistent and compliments your hearts desires and values.

***

iii.

The two of you could be highly collaborative here or be a very business savvy or entrepreneurial couple here. I’m getting highly influential and rich together. You could compliment one another’s weaknesses and strengths and share a lot of core values that will bring you a lot of abundance in your life here. There’s also an energy here of the two of you learning from one another in many walks of life. Being able to feed off one another spiritually and not only financially. But there’s such a big message here about financial security and freedom coming through. You guys may be incredibly financially educated with one another, making responsible investments, spending your time collecting guidance from other influential people who make tons of money, networking and making your way to the top.

There’s some energy here of delays for this collective or a lack of growth and stagnancy in matters of the heart. You may be unwilling to let someone or something go or you be unmotivated to do some much needed inner work in order to put yourself in the position to receive this divine counterpart or connection here. You may feel that this is generally not possible for you, or at least somewhat unrealistic and this may cause you to be stagnant or disable yourself to grow and move forward. Once you overcome this, release something and do the inner work necessary to step into your power, your divine masculine energy, and heal some trauma and break some karmic cycles this blockage will be completely obliterated.

Part of you within this collective are stuck. You may have mother wounds, father wounds, struggle with a lack of examples of success in your personal life or familial structure. You may have a habit of consuming energies or knowledge from all the wrong places or not properly using your discernment when you’re trying to put yourself in the right spaces or even consuming content here on social media. This may even reflect in your personal relationships too, having people close to you who don’t reflect the energy you want to essentially become one day and you becoming swept up in the motion of their energy and karmic cycles. There’s a void here within you divine masculine, you have an ego issue, or need to learn to step out of the human way of thinking and stop associating your worth with such surface level or shallow ideas of what men should be or what is important here.

You’re going to have to undergo a complete 360, unlearn everything you’ve learned, completely transform and start fresh here. Your spirit guides and ancestors have given you a situation, a connection, or some sort of heart break or karmic connection here with someone who holds a lot of power and is meant to break you down and shake you up so that you can at some point wake up and do the inner work necessary but some of you aren’t learning your lesson, you’re pushing against the divine plan or what you’re meant to do here because you’re misguided or confused.

Your spirit is young for many of you. Not been here enough times, finding your way. Spirit says, “why aren’t you moving? You need to move.” You’re not letting go of whatever this is and you’re not moving forward, you’re ignoring the call. Some of you could have prominent earth sign placements or even have prominent cancer placements especially in your top three. Your biggest challenge and lesson in life may be learning to let go of something incredibly significant and move forward generally speaking and in the energy of the mother, the home, and some semblance of it. You may have mother wounds that are unresolved and this person you’re sticking to has a high level of divine feminine energy or has a lot of maternal energy or heavy cancer placements as well. There’s a trauma bond here.

This reading was meant to be about what permanent union would be like with your divine feminine or divine counterpart here or the person meant for you overall but it seems spirit is saying that before we even get into all of that we need to talk about it you first. Everything you want in love is attainable for you, there is someone who is going to love you, accept you for all that you are when you find who you are or accept who you are as well, someone who will take care of you, who you will be able to take care of in return, who will be able to challenge you and stimulate you intellectually, who you will be able to build with. Someone you can have and hold. Someone you can walk into the afterlife with.

But you must do this first divine masculine. What you put out into the universe, you get back. For all your hardship and pain and heartbreak you’ll be rewarded. For all your work on yourself and for the collective there will be compensation. It’s time for you to make a choice about who it is you want to be, if you want to be your higher self, if you want all that you desire, if you want true fulfillment.

[good-beans]

hiii ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ i've always loved your milgram posts and was hoping to hear you talk about them more. it's a bit of a vague question but i was hoping to hear your thoughts about the characters or songs? or really anything that's been on your mind! apart from that i hope you've been having a good day (or night!)

!!!!! Omg thank you so much?? This made me so happy ;----; I’m sorry if this is more than you bargained for LMAO, I planned on jotting down a few ideas and then I just kept on writing..... I hope you’re having a lovely day/night as well!✨

So, I’m actually not that great with coming up with crime-logistic theories (timelines, cause of death, etc), but I’ve been really interested in the insights we get on characterization from the visuals – specifically looking at the image of the self each prisoner creates. The videos come directly from inside their minds, so these self-portrayals aren’t biased with any manipulation, or how they want Es to view them. I’ve been bouncing these around in my head for a while, so thank you for the reason to actually put them down somewhere! So here are details I’ve gathered on each of them: (And as with everything in Milgram, this is just how I understood the symbolism – if people have other interpretations, I’d love to hear them!)

I've been adding edits as the videos come out, it's through Double now 👍

Haruka: In T1 he definitely views himself as guilty and dangerous. Though it’s dulled with crayon/mixed media, he conjurs a version of himself that’s committing acts of violence even in his suffering. The fact that his younger self takes place as the victim is huge to me. I know it could mean a lot of different things, but my personal interpretation is that Haruka sees his younger self in his little sister. He’s been in her shoes, at a time his mother loved him best. He believes he is the reason she stopped loving him, so he hates this younger version of himself. And this leads him to hate her now that he’s seeing the similarities. I believe the crimes happened extremely recently, so it’s interesting that he portrays himself as a child in much of AKAA. He’s not trying to gain any sympathy with it, he still genuinely feels like a child because of how much he struggles with everything. I don’t know what it means yet, but I’m really interested that despite all the water imagery he creates, he visualizes himself sinking, but never actually drowning/short of breath.

Yuno: Between both her videos, we only ever see her, her, her. This is because her motivations start and end with herself. I know her situation relies heavily on her clients, but in her mind, the one who was in control the whole time was only her. She’s the only one she can trust to take care of her and show her real love. She got into her line of work to benefit herself, and she went through with the abortion to benefit herself. She's taking the ultimate responsibility for everything that happened to her and everything that she did. Though it makes me happy to see it framed as all self love, it’s also clear that she’s unhappy with her decision. And, when everything revolves around versions of herself, there’s only one person she has to hate... 

Fuuta: His self-imagery makes it really clear how his mindset changed between trials. In T1 he genuinely saw himself as the hero, the perfect knight-in-shining-armor. Once doubt started to creep into his mind, though, he suddenly portrays himself as a criminal hiding/running in dark areas. It also emphasizes what he was saying about he and Es being the same: the girl that he accused of being guilty turned to ash after being sprayed with his paint, and he starts turning to ash along with Es’ accusation and paint spray. I know people took that as his suicidal intent, (and while that’s still a thing he does express in Backdraft,) I actually think his burning is just his fear that he’ll die at the end of Milgram. Another little detail, but someone mentioned Fuuta only lowered his mask in BIO while he’s looking at his phone, showing that he was comfortable being his true self online. Meaning, he had to hide some part of him in the rest of his life. The original post said it was his sexuality, but I feel as though it’s just his general paranoia of living around warriors for justice who are constantly evaluating everyone’s behavior. 

Muu: Like I said, the mvs are unaffected by how the prisoners want Es to see them, soI was confused when people accused Muu of lying in T1 – that’s really how she took the situation! In her mind, that pain and mistreatment made up everything in her. Her being a bully didn’t matter then, because it was her being a victim that led to the murder. In T2, it becomes obvious that she does harbor guilt. No innocent person would imagine themselves as a monstrous, destructive creature like that. If she really saw herself as ‘queen bee,’ her self-image would be flawless and lovable. INMF also showed she wasn’t exaggerating when she said the murder was to free her: we see her self-image undergo a full metamorphosis and sprout beautiful wings to fly away after she committed her crime. Though she feels guilty, she still believes it was necessary to free her and is grateful for it. 

Shidou: I’m still working on something more solid for him, but it’s neat that T1 he’s expressing so much guilt, yet his self-image is engaged in very abstract activities (like gardening and eating). In T2 he’s chilled out a bit, but that’s the video that death is literally following everywhere he goes (flowers dying behind him, ghosts surrounding him). It’s also worth noting he has his doctor’s coat on for most of Throw Down, and then the only time he has it in Triage is at the very end when he’s vowing to help the other prisoners. I’ll get back with a more solid conclusion on his soon…

Mahiru: Like Yuno (and semi-Haruka), the fact that she’s the only one to appear in her T1 mv means all her turmoil at that point was focused inward. She saw herself as the center of her story, which isn’t necessarily a selfish thing. It means she didn’t blame her boyfriend for anything that happened, even though we know it was likely both of their behaviors that led to the crime. Still, she’s taking all the focus on herself, showing off all the things she did and failed to do for him. The fact that everything is styled like magazine pages hints that she genuinely sees their relationship as the picture perfect example of love. After all, she was just “being herself” when she got him killed. Even that deep in her heart, she’s convinced love makes everything glossy and perfect. T2 is an exaggeration on both if these concepts -- she still places all the blame/responsibility on herself, but with the doubt creeping into her mind, she now paints herself as a villain who's actively causing harm. She still believes love can make things seem perfect, but you get the sense she's become more aware that love wasn't transforming her, it was blinding her.

Kazui: So this is an interesting one. I know that the performance aspect in Half is obviously taken as him acting that he loves his wife when he’s fallen in love with someone else. However, the fact that he’s singing the song about how he doesn’t love her, while still on stage/in costume, gives me a different idea. His emotions are so incredibly repressed and fucked up that even in the privacy of his own heart, he feels like he has to act sad about her death when he actually has more complex emotions than that. Not that he’s happy about it per se, but the feelings are too complex for him to show even himself. (We’ve all been there, where even in our private thoughts it’s embarrassing to be excited about something terrible and we pretend we aren’t.) That’s why I think he sounds so different in Cat – he’s able to start processing that he may be relieved, or freed that she’s gone. Or maybe he’s just realizing the murder was indirect, and he’s allowed to mourn her without feeling personally guilty for her death. So I agree the costumes represent hiding his emotions, but I think it symbolizes him lying to himself rather than just lying to his wife. Now with Cat out, he also shows a shift of seeing himself more guilty. Rather than a passive character, his self appears as someone known for manipulation/deception/trickery -- someone in charge of the situation. He's coming to terms with his active role in Hinako's death. There's also a lot of his vices shown explicitly, like his smoking and drinking. He's painting himself in a much worse light as his guilt gets to him. (There's also something to be said about the whole thing appearing under a filter of advertisement/magazine style, but I have yet to form a conclusion I'm happy with on that)

Amane: The major thing I took away from Magic was the idea that Amane really felt isolated in her cult. She saw herself as a normal girl, but no one else is like her. The other children are all animals, and the adults in charge are animalistic or robotic. There’s such a divide between her and everyone else. She’s not living up to their religious standards the way that everyone else seems to be. With the adults, it could be the general feeling that they never listen to or understand her because of her age. In T2, she presents a new idea: she's struggling with how complex and contradictory the self is. The human psyche has so many parts and motivations, all represented by the marching band members. She wants to be good. She's flawed. She wants to help. She's hurting. She knows she's made mistakes. She thinks she deserves punishment. That punishment is killing her. The adults around her make behaving look/sound so easy, but at her age it's so difficult to be a good girl! She wants to show this to Es, since she believes her own misbehavior + following the rules is what led to her murder.

Mikoto: He’s got So much going on with identity and sense of self, but I don’t have a ton on him that hasn’t already been said lol. I’ve joked that the reason Meme got the most views is because it’s the mv that shows the most skin, but on a serious note I think it’s really telling that there are so many bathing/showering/teeth brushing shots. Those are the stereotypical times we’re completely alone with ourselves – cleaning off everything external so that it’s just us in our purest form left when we’re done. An interesting switch I've noticed in Double is that the two major alters never appear beside each other -- there's the reflection in the mirror at one point (and I think they're face to face in the last shot?) but we never see both onscreen at the same time. This is because each one wants to distance themselves from the other: Bokukoto wants to show he's far from a killer, and Orekoto wants to make it clear he's the one who was violent. Neither wants to be mistaken for the other, but it's much easier to do so since they look exactly the same in this video (no color-coded clothes or eyes or lighting.) A minor detail, but the fact that his own mind conjured up quotes around the word "savior" makes it clear that Orekoto is slowly realizing his actions may have gotten Bokukoto into more trouble than they saved him from...

Kotoko: I don’t have too much on her at the moment since a lot of her scenes seem to be memories of her actual life and are already in line with what she’s admitted about herself. Still, I think the running-alongside-wolves scenes reveal a lot. She very clearly works alone, but wolves are known for hunting in a pack. Does she have a pack we haven’t seen yet? Is there a reason she’s no longer with them? Does she just dream of running with one because she craves that belonging so deeply? @tokyogruel pointed out that wolves are known for caring for weaker pack members, and that there have been analyses of the Harrow wolves being Kotoko's family members. This is revealing a more prominent focus on family than she's made known so far. She doesn't see herself as an elevated hero -- she always views herself as part of a team, which can be seen in her 'deal' with Es and all her T2 commentary of their partnership (despite being their prisoner). She's always been working with and for others.

[demon-country]

You know I haven't seen anyone address the fact that Stolas hasn't told Blitz or anyone that Stella hired Striker. And it make me wonder is it because he doesn't want to worry anyone or does he think no one will care? Honestly either way is heartbreaking.

You're right, I haven't seen any meta about it either, although truthfully I'm pretty new to the fandom so I might've just missed any discussions about it when the episode came out. I've seen it explored a few times in fics though!

As for my own thoughts on it, I think there's a good chance it might be because he thinks no one will care. Although, I'm positive that he hasn't told Octavia about it because he doesn't want to ruin whatever relationship she has with her mother. He wants her to have a family, and to him that has always meant sheltering her from all of his abuse and likely his depression too.

As for everyone else, well his problem is probably two-fold. For one thing, Stolas is used to people either ignoring or laughing at the way Stella treats him, as shown in The Circus when no one seemed bothered by her publicly humiliating him. He, like many abuse survivors and male survivors in particular, is probably deeply ashamed of his abuse. You'll notice that he doesn't seem to have told anyone about that either. This is an extension of her abuse, and he might not know how to talk about something he's kept hidden for so long, even though it's now a direct threat to his life. Or perhaps he thinks that because she called it off, it means she's no longer interested in killing him and therefore it doesn't matter.

For another thing, well, like I've said before, Stolas has been braced for Blitz's rejection for quite some time. This likely solidified when Blitz both acted very nonchalant on the phone during his kidnapping and never came to see him in the hospital. In fact, I think the implication was that no one visited him in the hospital, save maybe Octavia. He has no friends, likely no family besides Octavia who cares about him, no support system at all, and the man he reached out to for help doesn't seem interested in personally helping or even interacting with him (we as an audience know Blitz's very good reasons for his avoidance, but unfortunately Stolas does not). Stolas might not think Blitz would actually care about who ordered the hit, especially since it was called off and isn't likely to be an issue anymore.

And notice how Stolas starts his call with Blitz with an apology. I think that now that Stolas has 'realized' that Blitz has been completely unhappy with their deal and might not want him back (both are largely untrue, but Blitz was so good at masking it that Stolas now believes the lies), he has stopped all of his flirtation entirely and let his very low self-esteem win. When you're depressed, it's very common to think that you're being a burden to those around you, and that's amplified when you've been abused and told you're a burden. So you feel the need to apologize whenever you ask for help or impose upon someone's time, and when you say "I'm sorry for calling again at a bad time," there's often an unspoken "I'm sorry for burdening you with my problems and presence, I'm sorry to have to ask this of you," tacked onto it.

So yeah, while we know that Blitz cares about him so fucking much and would absolutely want to kill Stella for daring to go after Stolas, Stolas... doesn't. And after Apology Tour, he's convinced that Blitz gives exactly zero shits about him or what happens to him.

This is likely something that no one is going to know about until the choice is taken out of his hands and forcibly exposed. He won't tell Octavia, because he doesn't want to worry her or show her the dark truth of his and Stella's relationship. He won't tell anyone else, because he doesn't think they'll care.

It is heartbreaking, and I can't wait for the truth to come out. Thank you for the ask, I love talking about meta!

[pamphlettyr]

There's been a question on my mind lately and I wanna see if I can distract a little from the exhaustion that is dealing with fascists. To start, I'll just repeat what you've said previously in agreement: the only good nazis are those who've stopped, regardless of method.

I want to ask not "what" they deserve (because that question has no shortage of answers and its discussion gets contentious no matter which circle approaches it), but rather "why" they deserve whatever can be made to come for them.

I ask this because it feels like the historical reasons to oppose fascism and nazis specifically just aren't compelling to a propagandized post-cold war, post-9/11, post-tik-tok America (though, it would be folly to discard the trauma inflicted and lives lost that we still feel to this day in favor of rhetoric that hits closer to home for the people alive today). The argument in my head is trying to string together "because they seek to destroy that which makes life worth living" and "their actions both now and in the past have incurred an insurmountable social debt that can only be settled with 'never again'"

Idk... Thoughts?

Thanks for the question, and yes it is refreshing to get an ask that isn't disingenuous. To me, the core of why nazis deserve whatever they get, is because of 3 things, 1: the disingenuity in the face of evidence, where they grandstand hoping to reach low information people rather than actually hold up to scruitny. They also do a sort of systemic darvo by calling us the real fascists, the real antisemites, the "feminazis", or what have you. The violence done of liberation and the violence of self defense is never equivalent to the violence of domination. History doesn't start in the middle, and it does matter who started it 2: the hatred of the horizons of humanity. They condition themselves to feel attacked by people who live in other ways than they do, and resent people who get to live a better version of the life they want, so they seek ways to abridge those ways of being. "if jews did not exist, the antisemite invents them" this goes the same for "she sucked her way to the top". they resent that they aren't happy and can't help but feel the unhappiness is from the actions of individual others, and not from the psychic and real violence of systemic oppression, which is hurting them just as it hurts the people they resent.

and 3: the asymmetry of cessation. A nazi can stop acting like a nazi, i can't stop being an autistic jewish trans woman, my friends can't stop being black, indigenous, autistic, jewish or queer, but the fascists can choose to stop being a fascist, by actively choosing to find ways to support us, by just stop saying fascist things and supporting fascist ideas and ideologues, or by killing themselves since they hate what humanity actually is and they're part of what it is.

wokeness is approaching politics and social situations ethically, and anti-wokeness is an attempt to flee from the painful fact that before we adopt an ethical framework we will have thought or done unethical things. The worse you got to defend yourself in the first place, the harder it is to change but they could change. Fun isn't more important than people. Peace is not the absence of tension, but the presence of justice, and they cannot eliminate the tension without eliminating the domination, or the dominated, and in eliminating us they destroy the things they actually care about, but if they fight against domination, or support those doing the fighting they can not just maintain, but enhance the joy they actually want to experience.

[universalzones]

"Yeah, because the courts have done so much to keep people like Mimic locked up. Every single person you've ever stopped as either busted out, been busted out, or don't get thrown in jail at all because they cheat the system. Then they get caught and it just repeats over and over again. You wanna know who gets screwed over? People like me, like Kit, and like every single person who is like you or any of your friends. Have you ever stopped to ask just HOW many people have been hurt by Eggman, The Zeti, Starline, and all the other various shitty people out here?"

"It's not the best solution, though it's the ONLY solution for someone like him. You think he's seriously going to stop? That he can be reformed? The most dangerous guy on the planet was only 'reformed' because he lost his memory. You can keep your goody two shoed act for yourself, though I'M not playing that game. If I have to become the villain in everyone's eyes, then so be it. I ain't a hero, and I know I won't ever be. Though I know if I let Mimic go he'll go after Drippy. I'm not going to allow that." Surge didn't care about being a hero anymore. She just had one goal in mind. Get Kit hope and keep him safe.

"So go ahead, try to stop me if you think you can, though I'm not leaving this place until Mimic is six feet under and I beat him down another six feet. I don't expect someone like you to get it, and I never will." Surge was just done trying to 'do the right thing' and wasn't letting anymore threats walking around. She'll play the villain if only so no one else has to. "I know you won't help, though all you have to do is step aside. What's it going to be?"

The shadow Wisp nodded, knowing that even though they were different Wisps, they could feel the anger from another's mother. "I'm just worried she's mad at Rowan. He's a bit... off, though he's a nice guy and brave too. I just, have to focus." With their mom angry she was expelling a lot of Hyper-Go-On energy which means they can recharge faster. "Though what about those two? They really seem to be at odds about this Mimic person. Should I wait, or do we go in without them?"

==========================================================

The Mother Wisp glares at Mimic, clearly unhappy with what Mimic was doing. Though it doesn't say or do anything, the void becoming still and quiet, even more than before the large Wisp showed up. It's gaze never left Mimic. Suddenly would look like it was starting to take a deep breath.

"Fuck, this is going to hurt." Rowan covered his ears, though it hardly matters as the Mother Wisp began letting out an extremely high pitched... scream? The entire Shadow Void shaking, platforms cracking, and the Wisp was letting off even more Hyper-Go-On energy. The lemur had fallen to his knees from the sound, trying to tough it out.

As the Mother Wisp screamed Mimic would find himself starting to be surrounded by an army of regular sized octopus Wisp. Seemed while their mother was out they were a lot more brave and began swarming him, searching him and attempting to take an Wisp he had on him away all while the Mother Wisp continued the high pitched scream to keep everyone that wasn't a Wisp stunned.

Sonic stood rather stoic watching the wisps until Surge made her statement. His eyes fell on her with a sternness as he didn't budge from his position. Slowly though he turned toward Surge and while there was no rage in his eyes he was clearly not thrilled with this topic. One he'd had with Shadow so many times, and now it seemed with Surge to. She just didn't understand why he didn't pull the trigger, and why he couldn't bring himself to cross that line. it was a complicated topic and one he wasn't comfortable with talking about.

yet she didn't give him much choice did she?

" Surge i know deep down you think this is some easy solution. But that's how you know it's the wrong one. This is a slippery slope... and one that can easy cascade into a whole lot of bad mojo for everyone around you... I'm telling you right now--- We don't get to play executioner... let alone judge who is and isn't worthy of life... "

He gave her a stern gaze as he tensed a bit as if ready to throw hands at a moments notice.

" I know you think this is so ultimate solution... that this will just fix everything... But it won't. It'll just make everyone see you as a killer, a murderer... and i don't think you are that. Don't get me wrong, i want to see Mimic get what is coming to him. But let the legal system run its course... let a judge decide his fate... not you, not me... and not whisper or anyone else... "

He slowly turned to face her fully with his arms at his sides in a clear position to fight if he had to. He didn't want to, he hated to think they'd throw hands over this bastard. But he couldn't do it, he couldn't stand by and watch someone die like that. Especially because he knew somewhere deep down it would ruin her, and worse the people wouldn't see her as anything less then a monster.

He wanted to believe she could be so much better! but she was still stuck on this wasn't she...

" I don't wanna fight you over this surge... Chaos i hate the thought of us fighting over him... but i can't let you kill him. No more then i could kill you despite all the people you hurt... You want to be a Hero, then prove it... by being better then this..."

The other Wisps seemed to know that feeling as if they could feel it across the space between. They gathered up looking a little scared, as the energy of the mother wisp seemed to set then all on edge. It took blue to calm them but glanced back at there new friend--- he had no idea what set off the mother wisp, but had a feeling it was Mimic--- and that was bad news for everyone.

" We gotta get over there and calm her down before something bad happens... "

================================================

Mimic seemed to grow unsettled by the quaking as he gripped onto the platform with his suction cups to hold himself in place. He grit his teeth as his eyes shot from left to right trying to see what was happening and yet his eyes went to Rowan who Berated him and he just laughed at him with a sadistic grin on his face. Was this guy serious? when it came to survival anything goes! the gloves were off and he'd do what ever he had to do!

" ... Don't be a fool, i don't want you dead yet--- first i'll disable you and use you as leverage against your wisp. Then he'll let me out like a good like mindless minion. Or you could just let me go... and we'll call it a---"

He nearly fell over as a great rumble rocked the platform and the massive Wisp rose up over them. Mimic gripped onto the platform glad for his suction cups that kept him from falling. However to him he saw an advantage! Leverage, finally he could get out of here once and for all! He brandished the capsule at the Wisp mother and flicked the switch on the side! Torturing the wisp inside and causing it screeching to fill the room! He held it there a long moment just long enough to get the Wisp Mother's attention!

" ah ah ah! now now mother dearest--- You wouldn't want me to hurt them more would you? now here is what is going to happen! You open a way out of this place, and i walk out! Then i'll let them go, or we can see what happens if i switch this on and leave it! "

For Emphasis he flicked the switch back on! the wisp instead screeching in pain once more as it was pummeled with magnetic force within the capsule! he wasn't sure if it would kill them, but he had no doubt this about the same as electrocution for them.

" Now--- both of you do as i say or else! we'll see if this thing can kill them or not! "

No matter how you swung it, he really was the worst. His willingness to kill a Wisp to get what he wanted. A Species who was so willing to abandon there home to help them. This only spoke to his vile nature, and his blackened heart!

Deep Down, Mimic was a Demon...and yet his fear of that giant Wisp was real... this was his last ditch effort to escape!

[0thsense]

9/30/2023

When I'm feeling down, I am vigilant to find fault in others, because it makes me feel like I have something over them. A stupid act of desperation.

The time limit is approaching. I am not doing well. What does it mean to give up? I want to run myself to death.

Could I survive losing all of my family and friends? Should I prepare myself for it? It'll slowly happen at this pace. Was I wrong about things all those years ago? Maybe I should quicken the pace.

I can't open up to anyone. Noone will understand, and everyone will think they understand. Hell, some people probably think they understand already without me saying anything. Maybe the easiest way to be happy is to presume you understand about unhappiness you've never felt.

I wanted to understand my emotions. It might be too late, because now all I ever feel is anger and frustration. Base, useless, devastating emotions.

Some girl I used to know followed me on Strava the other day. Simply because she connected her account and auto followed all of her contacts. And I held onto that for the whole day. Pathetic.

Do I feel good when I beat myself up like this? Honestly it's a little cathartic but I'm not sure if it's healthy. I spend so much time thinking about the past, it fills every undistracted moment of my life. Will it ever stop?

So dramatic for someone who has lived such an objectively easy life. I don't really believe that, more just unsure. But everyone else would surely mock me for thinking I have such insane struggles in my circumstances. So I can't open up. They'll think I'm even more pathetic than they already do. A good way to get some one time pity and then having them slowly drift off. A bad way to quicken the pace.

Maybe I just need to get better at slapping on a smile and enthusiasm, so that it doesn't take so much effort every time. Just get good at it so it doesn't take all my energy, so I don't dread it every time. Just... become an automatic liar. Perfect.

I'm not looking forward to going to Japan soon. I'm worried my shell will break over those 2 weeks. Maybe I'm even more worried that it won't. Maybe I will just be boring because I'm getting tired having to put on enthusiasm all the time. Perfect.

My legs hurt from running today. Good. I wonder if how I feel right now is accurate. If I look back on this post it will probably read pretty terribly. Have I made no progress? Perfect timing to be depressed again for the holiday season. Last time I showed up one time and they thought I was fine. Because I guess I'm good at faking enthusiasm. Fuck you.

If I think rationally about it, it's my fault. It's hard to tell when someone's depressed, and it's even harder when I've been putting on masks for my whole life. But I can't tell them either. Probably the worst cases of depression are the ones where they have noone to tell. Because they can't trust anybody to care enough. I'm doing fine everyone.

God and I hate it even more because I become so self absorbed. Making me lose one of the few things I prided myself on: empathy and thinking of others. And I kept that pride even though it became unjustified. It hurts.

Maybe I can try to think of others in this post. Harley decided she wants to move back home, because of RTO. I wonder how she feels about that. I wonder if I chose that just because it's semi relevant to me. My dad might also be kinda depressed, I'm kinda worried. Probably partly due to me.

God, I can't think of much when I try to remember caring about others recently. You don't just feel worse, you become worse. Please let me care for others again. I am an asshole. I'm not willing to sacrifice myself to help others. I find something in them to condemn and justify this. Nobody helped Jerry, and everyone sure loves beating down on him.

Endroll was a nice game.

[maradanewrites]

Do romance novels hurt your relationship?

I am doing a little "research project." I had a pretty visceral, gut-level reaction to Mr. Dane saying romance novels have an "unhealthy and unrealistic" depiction of romance recently. 

He wasn’t criticizing my reading choices, his comment was in the context of us discussing examples of “mature, but still romantic, love.” We agree “warm friendship/friends with benefits” isn’t satisfying, but it’s also not the same as a couple’s initial head-over-heels infatuation. Anyway. Back to romance novels...

I do think romance novels present a heightened, exaggerated version of romantic love. But that's what stories do: make things bigger and more obvious so you can see them more clearly. 

So I decided to go through the romance novels I've read this year. Not ALL of them, just the ones that deeply resonated with me, and where I got wholeheartedly invested in the relationship. The point being to look for what "elements of romance" I think would still apply to a couple after several years. I scribbled down a few keywords. Each one was associated with a particular book couple, and what really jumped out at me as the source of their strong romantic connection: 

The Hating Game, Sally Thorne: Focused Attention - Joshua and Lucy were so intensely aware of each other, and I think that was what really sold me on their relationship. They were paying so much attention to each other, even when they were enemies, it bordered on obsession. Super hot. Much attract. The Duchess Deal, Tessa Dare: Humor - Ash and Emma both maintained a strong sense of humor. Their snarky teasing showed they both had fundamentally positive shared outlook, even though both experienced some truly awful stuff. Appreciation - Both characters focus on the other’s strengths and positive traits. It’s not so much that they don’t see each other’s flaws; it’s that they genuinely think they’re outweighed by their good points.

The Duchess War, Courtney Milan: Empathy - Clermont isn’t just a beta hero, he’s genuinely empathetic. Despite his immense privilege (maybe because of it), he constantly puts himself in other people’s shoes. When he realizes the source of Minerva’s fear, he gets it completely. Similarly, Minerva keeps choosing to do what will protect Clermont, as opposed to what would most benefit her.  My Reckless Valentine, Olivia Dade: Negotiating Differences - This is a little different than appreciation. Angie and Grant don’t really grow to enjoy the extreme differences in their approaches to life. They just commit to figuring out a way to be together without either one having to compromise who they are.  Rook, Sharon Cameron: Trust/Accepting Emotional Risk - Without spoiling the plot, let’s just say that there are a lot of reasons Sophia and Rene aren’t fully honest with each other. But they are able to move forward - and become a powerful pair - when they both trust in the emotional truth of their relationship, even knowing full well the other is lying to them about A LOT.  When a Scot Ties the Knot, Tessa Dare: Understanding - Maddie and Logan get each other. At least, eventually. She understands his deep need for belonging and family, and his fear of abandonment. He understands her desire for space and autonomy and fear of being overwhelmed. And they both understand that push/pull dynamic isn’t something the other is doing to them. Mr. Impossible, Loretta Chase: Friction - Neither Daphne nor Carsington does what the other wants. And yet, neither really gets angry with the other for it. In fact, both seem to enjoy it when the other one gets them into a scrape, and they have to work together to get out of it. It’s a good example of a relationship benefiting from a little friendly conflict to generate sexual tension. (This book reminded me a lot of The Mummy with Frasier and Wiesz.)  So anyway, I felt like all those elements were things that were relevant to a romantic relationship no matter how long the couple has been together. THEN, I thought about the opposites of the elements: ignoring each other, humorlessness, taking for granted, compromising/not fighting for what you really want, suspicion/self-protection, self-centeredness, disengagement/not rocking the boat. And THAT was a real eye-opener. When I think about every cliche about a relationship where “the spark is gone,” it sounds exactly like that second list.  So, my working theory is now that as opposed to being bad for your real life romantic relationships by making you feel dissatisfied with them, romance novels can actually be prescriptive. 

Romance novels show a reversed mirror image of the things that most often deteriorate a long-term romantic relationship. And while, yes, the mirror image is a little (or a lot) exaggerated, the comparison can actually help a couple identify ways in which their relationship could be more satisfying to both partners. Because nothing on that list of positive elements is “unrealistic,” it’s all just stuff you might have to work a little to bring back.   THUS CONCLUDES MY BRIEF RESEARCH PROJECT INTO THE EFFECTS OF ROMANCE NOVELS ON REAL-WORLD ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. 

[wolferals]

he doesn’t know

Henry Cavill x reader ANGST

Warnings: mentions of self harm, eating disorder, self hatred, low self esteem, suicidal thoughts!

don't read if that triggers you!! please take care of yourselves babes

He doesn't know.

You've never showed him any clues. He wasn't supposed to know.

How she treated you. How it's always been. From since you were little, she had made you feel like you weren't enough. You felt like she'd loved you more if you were like the other girls, if you looked like them.

If you were as skinny, as pretty, as nice as the other girls.

She had never directly told you that in your face but you knew thats how she felt. Because she subconsciously wanted you to be like her when she was your age.

The constant snarky comments she'd made on your body, your weight, your posture.

It never seemed to be fine with her; whatever you wore or how you acted.

So you started binging on food and could barely stop yourself. Then you'd jump into another diet, not really doing anything. You would change your style, switch to baggy clothes instead of „feminine" clothes.

She'd tell you to dress more girly and more „age appropriate". But when you did, she told you that a certain top was too tight or too short or too revealing. The pants you wore never looked good on you. So you eventually lost your spark and fell into a deep hole.

And besides Henry being there through all of it, being your best friend for years, he never knew how you really felt.

How much you hated your mother for doing this to you- no!- how much you hated yourself for letting it happen.

The second she made a mean comment, your thought shifted to „stop eating"; you didn't really want that but it felt like the right thing to do.

Every time anyone invited you for dinner you felt sick because you thought of the calories; you could almost feel them running through your veins.

When Henry cooked for you, you tried to eat as less as possible without being rude but also not gaining any weight.

He never seemed to notice because you lied to him.

If he asked if you'd eaten yet, you straight up lied in his face.

He'd never question it because you'd stop the stomach noises by drinking gallons of water all the time.

You didn't want him to know because you knew what he was going to say.

But it was eating you alive. You'd lose weight steadily but not drastically, so he didn't notice. You'd simply tell him you'd been working out more.

Which was a lie because you were too weak to move at this point.

You'd tried throwing up but it didn't work. You couldn't get yourself to puke.

It disgusted you, looking at yourself in the mirror, noticing how the spark in your eyes had disappeared completely. Your mind had been fogged up by negativity and all that hatred you felt towards yourself.

But when he was around, you put on a smile and acted like everything was alright.

And you were good at that.

No one around you knew.

You hated yourself.

Henry was full of confidence and charm, he wouldn't understand you like this. He was a great listener and an even greater boyfriend but this was a part of you he was never going to meet.

No one was ever going to meet that you.

So as your mothers words were ringing in your ears, Henry was behind you, getting his tie fixed for a dinner you two had been invited to.

He seemed to be struggling so he didn't notice that disappointed look you gave your reflection in the mirror as you scanned your body in that black dress.

You hated her. She was ugly and useless to you.

You want her dead but also know how much it would take to pull through.

You hated your own sight. How unhappy you were. How much you hated your own mother but most importantly yourself.

No one knows.

And he doesnt know.

[sugarakis-p2]

All Knights and day must die! Ch 20

Mothman Shigaraki is the new king, so much on his shoulders and wings. Nothing better than to use Ur (Aka Ur Name x reader) to relieve his stress as he plots to destroy the Order of the Azure rose.

Oh no. Separated again during a war is hell. At least you are helping as bait and a feeding bag, yay! Your life is strange and awful. However, the men are polite around the Zenru. The grubs are unhappy, you are unhappy, and you miss Shigaraki.

Shigaraki is at least having a breakthrough with his deteriorating mental state. Unfortunately, it's while he's dying.

Warning: Possessive yandere Mothman Shigaraki, violence, blood, lactation,cannibalism, riding, domestic fluffs, cussing

@lovingbadguys @balanceisrelative @nut-in-me-jojo

Ch 19

Chapter 20

The past  few days had been a living nightmare.

You groan while in all four arms of warlord, Zenru. He chitters at you with comforting sounds, rocking you to sleep. He's no Shigaraki, but you have both come to an understanding. You are his queen, and he is your warlord. It was not easy going at first. You will not put the kids in danger.

When  the explosions rocked the hive, Kurogiri opened his warp gate to spirit master and you away from the danger. You shoved Kurogiri in his quirk, using your eye to paralyze him. It was a shame you used your magic for the day. You shouted to Mr. Duskin to take as many as possible to protect the tunnels.

Zenru wanted you to go with AFO, but you shook your head. Remaining with Zenru was unpleasant. He was ordering the Nomu and Mothmen around. It took him several moments to notice you. When he did, he blustered. Chittering and screeching at you with his wings spread wide.

You look at him utterly bored. You've been mentally screwed with for the past couple of days. You just didn't care for his posturing. More voices filled the room. He looks back to you, snatching you up and carrying you off to another room. He shoved you in a broom closet. You huddle in the darkness, holding yourself when most of the screaming stops. You still hear the grunts and hissing of a struggle.

Someone is on top of Zenru and about to drive a knife into him. They must have some strong magic because they are no bigger than you. You swallow the fear you feel rising in you and sneak behind them. Removing your crown. You raise it above your head as high as you can manage and slam it down on their head.

Their head splits open with a sickening wet crack. A spurt of blood shoots from their scalp. You keep going until they stop moving. You are covered in blood, and your crown is a twisted mess. Tossing it aside, you look up at Zenru hovering over you.

He regards you like a creature he has never seen before. He looks away when he sees you stripping corpses for new, less bloody clothes. When you are done, he lifts you, carrying you in his arms to join the rest of his troops.

It takes a while to figure out what he wants you to do, but he mimes for you with those four hands, and you giggle. There are several chirps behind him, and he rounds and roars at them until they are groveling in submission. He wants you to run down a pathway shouting for help. It's not long before you play the honey pot to lure MLA for them to slaughter.

When the sun rises, Zenru takes you deep into the hive. Past massive scary elites. He sits you by a fire with cooking human limbs and six of the upper elites. He is chittering to them when you grab a limb and start eating. It tastes awful, but you are starving, and the grubs seem to purr in your belly. They all stare at you like you are an alien. You ignore them and stuff yourself, the grubs like human, that's disturbing.

"Are you sure she's human? She acts more like a wingless male to me," the grand admiral says.

"I think it's cute. Just the cutest little human female. I like the fancy eye patch. I heard a rumor she got it tearing apart females with her bare hands. Mphf, sexy and adorable," the grand admiral Yoon chitters, offering her water. She takes it and flicks a thank you to him. His wings start to quiver when Zenru grabs them. 

"Disgusting. You are depraved to use the words sexy and cute in the same sentence. That is the queen. Tomura Shigaraki's pregnant lifemate. You will be on your best behavior, or I will personally rip you apart. She saved my life," Zenru rumbled deeply. The Grand admiral grinned wider.  

"So, touchy. You like her, too, huh? You've never had a human, have you. The King always tried for a pretty one. Finally found a sweet one. Tight little things. I have two back at the nest. You get first rights if the King dies. Lucky fuck. No worries, let us survive first, and then we'll fight," he trills at Zenru.

Zenru snorts in disgust at him. It's his job to take care of the queen, but he doesn't bother explaining to those who would never understand. He carries you to the nest, wrapping you in furs as he sleeps on the floor in front of the door. In the coming days, things get so much worse.

"It is absurd how much we have to retreat and hide," you say to him. He has no idea what you are saying. The big guy keens to your belly and blinks at you. It doesn't work. The grubs squirm around, and Zenru must carry you most of the time because you feel sick and weak.

All the men looked weak. Under siege was hell. You can't find anyone to translate for you, so you have no idea what is going on. Plus, your chest ached. In this atmosphere, waiting to die, you have a lot of time to think about things.

You let out a breathy sigh and look to Zenru. You need more time to think and be with your family, so everyone must pull together and make it. Remembering Lyra's book, you start slow.

"Wrong?" you ask in his language, pointing to him and the others. It is the first time you have seen him surprised and bewildered. He flutters and turns red pithily. He says the word slowly and mimes it. Water.

Nobody has had enough water. They have all been giving you their rations. Oh, gods. It's your turn to turn red because you know what you have to do, and it's embarrassing.

You start to open the front of your blouse. Zenru gets flustered and closes your blouse. The other males are getting curious about what is going on. You point to your chest and say the word drink. At least you think it is. He droops and shakes his head. However, he is staring at your chest with hunger and drooling. With a set jaw, you roll your eyes, grab his antennae, and pull him to your chest.

It was embarrassing enough, but now you are forcing it on him. He is the only one you trust, and you need him to survive. His face twisted in surprise as you pulled his face to your chest. You are much stronger than he thought. He resisted a little. The moment he grazes your nipple, all that disappears.

He suckles, refusing to look at you for hours afterward. The others start to crowd around your chest. He snarls and swipes at them until they line up and act civil. Making sure everyone gets an equal share. Which was great because, for a moment you were worried they might try to rip you apart or eat you. But Zenru made sure everyone was gentle, and no fights broke out.

You keep your face covered by your hands most of the time. Yes, you know they like that, which makes the eager suckling worse, but you can't help it. You feel like a feeding bag. A few almost looked like Shiggy. Causing you to miss him.

You are so mad, but if he was in front of you would kiss and squeeze him until he chirps. Zenru puts you back in the nest and has two of them guard you. There is no fuel for a fire, so they snuggle in a pile. Zenru smells earthy with an undertone of sunflowers. It's not unpleasant but not as good as Shiggy's, and you feel like crying.

By  the fifth day, you just want to be numb. You feel so miserable. The grubs don't feel happy as they twist in you. You are lying with a few males. Learning their names is very hard, but they are elites that report directly to Shigaraki, so all of them are incredibly protective and nice towards you. It's like having nest sisters that happen to be males. But you are under no delusions. If you were not Shigaraki's, it might be very different. The four-armed orange-eyed male found you a cape with a wing pattern and a fur-lined hood.

"What are you doing, GA?" Zenru asked, annoyed. All the males have started whispering about how the lack of communication could mean the King is dead. If that's true, they can try to claim you. Zenru has already had to beat several of them to the ground over this.

"You can call me Yoon when we're alone. I'm giving the queen a cape. I got my females these capes, and they loved them. They always bellyache how cold it is. I haven't met a human who hasn't complained about the cold yet. That's why they beg for clothes. Plus, look how cute she looks. The little queen doesn't want to sleep with a bunch of males. It would be best if it was just a few of us. Such a pretty little female," He gushes.

"Do not say such stupid things. Quit touching so much. That is the queen, not one of your human mates. If it's for warmth, I will overlook it, but if you are trying to seduce her, I will rip you apart," Zenru snorts.

"Jealous asshole," Yoon chitters. The sad little queen looked pleased for the first time in a while, pulling the cape close, a slight smile dancing at the corner of her mouth.

"What was that?" Zenru whirled.

"Nothing. Just an observation that you get possessive when anyone else tries to thank the queen. Always ripping apart with you," Yoon answers. He's the Grand Admiral and had to work with Shigaraki; Zenru doesn't intimidate him. 

"She's the queen. It's my duty to protect her. I'm going on patrol. Talking to you is exhausting," Zenru huffs. 

"We all take that duty very seriously, don't we, cute lil wingless queen?" Yoon trills at you. Of course, you have no idea what they are saying. Yoon was too good of a swordsman to lose. He leaves before he does get overprotective. His mate is one of your former wingless nest sisters. His mate was very submissive until he brought up the queen.

She told him to listen and protect you with his life. If it wasn't for you, she still would be a quiet nest sister. He would be alone and dead. Yoon is inappropriate, but he hasn't taken it too far and would also protect you with his life. He needs to leave now.  

"He thinks you look cute too. He just doesn't want to admit it because he's old-fashioned. Such a good, pretty human. Yes, you are. I hope the King is dead. Yes, I do. Then you will be having my little grubs. Won't that be cute," he was chittering to your gracious, smiling face.

He tries to teach you his name. He seems pleased you got it right. You don't catch all his words, but you think he called you pretty, which was nice. You sure didn't feel pretty. Anytime Yoon gets too touchy. You smack him hard. He makes a snorty sneeze and gives you a toothy grin. Like he finds your blows charming. You are about to punch him in the face when Zenru bursts in covered in gore, chittering, and hissing.

You catch a few words, "here (hiss) her!"

The white male, called Yoon, grabs you and hides with you in a secret alcove. Swords drawn; he keeps you pressed against his back under his wings protectively. Heart pounding against your chest so hard the blood is rushing through your ears, blocking out all other feelings. You feel fear. In your fear, your thoughts go to Shigaraki and Maude.

You cry because out of the two. You want Shigaraki the most. In the dark fog of fear, you want the man who has tortured you. But has also made you feel completely loved, and you miss that. The grubs miss him. Your thoughts are sliced into when you hear screaming. You clutch your locket so hard the sting of its wings cuts into your palm.

"We have the queen!" Someone screamed. You tremble against the tense male ready for battle.

Shigaraki  ignores his nagging instincts that have awakened suddenly and now insists on returning to the hive.

Shuddup! We're here about ready to kill, and you want to leave! I must be losing my mind! Let's end this and go home!

The MLA holed up at the mayor's former mansion. Horrendous anti-flying magic forces them to walk. Horrible invention. He and Dabi made a lot of noise when they entered the town. They did not like seeing their humans strung up in the center of town. This is their territory, and the MLA started it.

"Hey! So, what's the plan?" Adam asked. Compress is slumped on the ground, panting. Missing an arm. Things have not gone well; he is becoming concerned about the other members. Adam is carrying a screeching, kicking female.

"Oh, gods! What the hell are those things?" Imogene screeched. She looked just like his mate. But his instincts chafed at the sight of her. It was nice to be in agreement again. He did not like her already. Adam rolls his eyes and drops his sister on her ass.

"Imogene, this is Shigaraki, Ur's husband. He's the same species as the mothpeople that flew us here," Adam says to her before turning to Shigaraki. Imogene wrinkled her nose in disgust at Shigaraki while Adam talked, "Not the brightest candle. Toga, Twice and that giant will be here in half an hour. What do we have to throw at him?"

"MLA fools. In there. Decay. Destroy. Conquer," He rasps to Adam. Adam shakes his head, eyes darting for danger like a scared rabbit, then grabs Imogene by the hair. She screeches and hits him. He shakes her like a ragdoll until she is a crying mess.

"You were going to let him waltz in there even after you heard that he's your little sister's husband," Adam hissed at her.

"He's just some monster that kidnapped her, and then I'm sure Maude encouraged it when she found out he had money! And you let it happen like a shitty brother," Imogene growled.

"Not true. She's happy, so happy she got knocked up and sent Maude away," Adam sneered to Imogene. Her mouth dropped open.

"Really? She sent Maude away. The same Maude that has controlled every aspect of her life. The Maude that has literally killed over her? That Maude? Maude has her talons buried in her. She sent that Maude away. She must really love him. How did little sis get pregnant with this freak?" Imogene stared at him for a moment in shock, then the revulsion, avoiding his scathing crimson eyes. Her eyes continue to rove over him like a fascinating dissection.  

I hate looking at her face. Feels too much like mate hating us.

Dito. But not mate. Don't get them mixed up. Who has Maude killed?  he wonders. She sighs and looks away from him to talk to Adam.  

"The MLA leader calls himself Re-Destro. He uses giant magic based on his stress level. Have to say, he must be pretty stressed at the moment," Imogene says.

"Right. Twice had a breakthrough with Toga on the way here. I, Imogene, and Twice's doubles will flush out the rat. Give you a signal that we secured his hostages. I'm not a fan of Giran, but he is still better than Star Servant. You stay here, crumble the mansion, and finish the fucker off," Adam says.

Shigaraki doesn't feel like arguing. Something is happening with his head. His mind feels flayed. They run off when a tidal wave of annoying gibbering Twice's moves him along.

His father was beating him. Severely because he wanted to join the Order, it would mean more privileges and status in the hive. His big sister might find a decent mate with the dowry he could offer. It would mean losing his wings but worth it for the extra food alone. But his father wouldn't hear of it. Wouldn't tell him why either.

His big sister had to tell him that Grandma was used and killed by the Order. That she is one of the reasons, they have such low status. She helped extend the day, and now they all suffer. But Hana agreed with him.

She even told him about the recruiters coming. Perhaps he could pave the way for her to join. And then, they could become a duo and raise the family status at both ends of the candle. What did he care about what's in the past? He only cared about the present. When the human recruiters came, he volunteered. He didn't expect their cruelty.

Shigaraki jerked awake when he touched the mansion. He had been shambling along like a zombie. What kind of bullshit was that? If he's going to remember, it's time to remember all of it. What's the point in holding back? He decayed any pieces that threatened to crush him. Lost in thought.

The Order liked his magic. It was dangerous and perfect for killing monsters. When they arrived at his family's nest, he was not expecting what would happen next. He honestly thought his mother would defend his choice, That his sister wouldn't lie, and that the elders would step in against his father. Somebody do something. No one from the Oder helped.

He couldn't control his emotions. The order members stood back as his father threatened to rip off his wings. Beating him and throwing him at the Order members. 

Shigaraki didn't mean it. He didn't mean to kill them. 

The first to die were the members of the Order. It touched his dog. He was so confused. Someone must have done something to him because he would never have killed his Mon. He also was never this powerful.

He tried to tell them to stay away, but his sister was trying to stop him from ripping his flesh apart. He didn't mean it. He tried to explain as his family crumbled. His father was not listening.

"Guess I will have to repeat myself," Re-Destro said. Shigaraki wasn't paying attention. He needed to see and feel the rest. It was time. His instincts were working on this bullshit.

He didn't mean to kill them. Killing his father did feel like ecstasy. He had to run afterward. He had collapsed a tenth of the hive in his state. The Order put out a warrant for him, his family dead, and the hive completely collapsed shortly after. He struggled. Surviving in the underground of an aberrant hive.

Searing pain brings him back.

"You need both wings to fly and all five fingers to decay, don't you?" Re-Destro asks rhetorically.

This fucker. He growls at his instincts. What the fuck are you good for if you can't handle the basic shit? I was having a breakthrough.

Really? We are meant to be one. You are asking what good are you!  His instincts growled back at him. 

Am I finally losing my mind?  He wonders. Flashes of his mate. Yanking you out of a pile of corpses. You are giving him that look beyond. Running her fingers through his hair. Promising to be his forever. He knows you are too good for him. He didn't earn your love. He corrupted and manipulated you.

She is hiding her face behind her cards. Giggling at him. This is his favorite memory. Why is this here?  

Because you are dying, dipshit. So stupid! Enjoy it.  

Dying?

You lay the cards down and several tumbles from your sleeve. You turn bright red and quickly sweep the cards away. As you smoke that blue lotus, you begged him to have. A little at this stage shouldn't hurt the grubs. At least, he hopes.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing," you had giggled at him. He had swooped on you, rooting through your robes and finding several decks of cards. You are squirming and laughing so hard you are crying. Chest heaving and bouncing.

"Cheater!" he exclaims, confused. He has been winning the last five hands, "What is? Wanted to be fucked. All had to do was ask."

You looked at him with shiny eyes. You gripped his head and brought him to your lips. Kissing him deeply and passionately. Your tongue slipped past his lips and sharp teeth. Your fingers trailed down his front, sneaking into his pants and running your digits through his groan fur. He growls and yanks your hand away.

"No! Bad mate! Trying to distract. Why? Tell. No mad. Tell Shiggy," he insisted. You bite your lips. When it is clear, he is not going to let it go. You throw up your hand and confess.  

"I'm sorry. I'm just so much better at this card game than you are."

"Mate is drunk." That revelation insulted and destroyed his pride. His hard-on died.

"That's true. Let's forget about this and let me read you some dirty stories," you offer. He shakes his head, unwilling to let this stand.

"Real game. No Cheating. No easy on you. You win. I give anything you want. I win; you must worship," he challenged. His mate sits up and laughs. You don't even bother to have him elaborate on what he means by worship. He is not going to show you any mercy.

"You don't want to do that," you sing at him. He plays his heart out while you hum and smoke. Laying down meld after meld, picking up the entire river and leaving him with no points. He has never lost so spectacularly. With a snarl, he swipes the cards off the table. He looms over you. Pouncing on you, you squeal in fear and surprise when he starts licking at you. Deep rumbling purrs tickle your insides.

"What mate want? Anything!" he orders. He wants to reward this naughty little trickster that has crept past all his defenses.

"I want you to make an unbreakable vow. I want you to always watch over our little one," you say mournfully.

"Why sad?" he asks. He hopes he didn't scare you too much.

"I just found out your lifespan is longer than mine. So, swear you will always watch over them. Even when I'm old and wrinkly," you say, tucking a strand of hair behind his human ear.

"I will (kiss) watch over you (kiss) and our family (kiss) to the end of days (kiss) and beyond. No care if mate is bald or fat or bony or old or has a tail. Ur perfection. Always," he rasps.

"Really? Forever?" You ask shyly, hiding your blushing face with your hands. He nods, unable to resist. You are so cute and submissive. His chest hurts as if his heart will burst. He loves you so much. He has already thought of a solution to the aging problem. He will keep you forever safe with him.

He brushes the shoulder of your robes aside. Exposing the tender flesh of your neck to him. His eyes are drawn to the plunging line. He gently runs three fingers over your neck, down over your collar bone, and further to the top swell of your breast. His mark, a gnarled scar in the perfect shape of his teeth, stands out in stark contrast.

All of him uncoils, wrapping his arms around you. Pulling you flush to him. He wants nothing between you and his flesh. Mine, his mind repeats. Each mine makes his heartache. His skin heats. An overwhelming need to be one with you.

"I feel I can be myself around you. You always encouraged me to be more than what I was told I was good for. You make me feel powerful, and I want to be more when you look at me that way. I never thought there would be a time when I wanted to do anything more than survive. I love you." You kiss him.

He chirps in your mouth as you giggle at them. You stop and grit your teeth when he lays you on the table. Finding your tight wet entrance. Grabbing his aching shaft, he rubs his leaking head at her slit and slowly pushes in. The head of his cock pressing against your resistive walls feel like bliss. You don't complain. You rarely verbally do. You can spend days in silence talking to him with your body.

Today you buck against him. Your heels are digging in his ass, encouraging him. He moans in satisfaction when he finally pushes the shaft deeper into your wet pussy.

His long tongue slipped between his fangs and lathed up your neck. He works his length in, desperate to be fully sheathed. Your slick walls are crushing him. He almost cums for a tense moment, wings quivering as he controls himself.

"So tight," he moans. Wrapping his arms around you to keep you close. Hips bucking with primal need. A low growl rumbled in his chest. Working his way in until he is fully sheathed. When he bottoms out, he closes his eyes and growls.

Snapping his hips harshly against yours hisses a breathy I love you when he bottoms out, sharp teeth nip at your earlobe. You claw at his back, begging him to go deeper and fuck you stupid.

"So soft. Small. Might hurt." He doesn't understand all your words, but he can read your every little facial expression, every little pleading cadence, like one of your books. You want more and rougher. You tremble. Gooseflesh breaks out of your flushed skin with each hot pant.

How can he not love that about you? He arches into your nails and tight walls gripping his length. Eyes rolling in his skull with his hips. He feels locked to you as he pumps into you faster, chasing his orgasm. 

"Fuck," he hisses. Human cussing is thrilling. Your cunt pulls at his core. Biting his lip so hard, the coppery taste of blood fills his mouth. You whimper, holding onto him as he humps you across the table. His harshly bucking hips connect forcefully with yours.

He should be more careful because of the grubs, but your tight pussy constricts his length, making it hard for him to breathe or think. Feeling you squeeze him as you arch to him, screaming you are cumming.

He feels like you are molding to him. Pelvis stuttering at his chaotic pace. He cums so hard his entire body shudders with waves of pleasure. His flapping wings beat so hard they get a little lift.

The itch that haunts him is relieved for a moment. His cock twitches in you, and his internal balls drain. He slumps lightly against her, panting. He  fucking loves you. Times like this, he wishes he had four arms to screw you while flying.

"My turn," you say with a wicked grin. You grunt, squeezing his knot when you push off the table.

"Wha-fu-ahhhhhh….(chirp)" was all he could manage when you flipped him to the floor. It killed your shins and ankle. But the look of pride you had taking control and lifting his weight made him spurt harder in your pussy. Causing a bulge of cum, leaking from cunt, puddling on his lap. The sharp pain of his knot dulls into a hot ache.

Still mentally damaged from Maude, while part of him worried about the grubs makes him not want to let you continue. You seem so proud. Biting back his complaints because you are riding him hard with devotion.

He couldn't allow you to do all the work, though. Grabbing your ass, he glides you over his lap. Making you fuck him harder. His knotted cock feels like it is trying to fold your womb in half.

You start to grind and rock your hips, his cock head bulges, and pants at the sight. This will make you sore, but you are in unison in ecstasy. Whimpering, sitting up awkwardly, leaning to capture a nipple with his dry lips.

He looks up, giving you beautiful smoldering eyes. Delicious as you consume the look of awe and pleasure on Shigaraki's face. After a few moments, he lets his head sag back. Your breathy moans combine and mix in the nest with intermittent sharp chirps.

It feels like bliss. Shigaraki is watching your hurt passionate expression while you work so hard to get your pretty little cunt off. Bucking like a bronco, he has seen humans ride. He grabs your face and kisses you zealously. His kisses make you melt with want and desire. He licks his dry lips and pants. His hips buck up in tandem, urging you to grind him deeper and demanding in you.

"Perfection," he purrs deeply. His voice and wings rumble and vibrate in your core. You pick up your pace, raging heat in your veins. He encourages and helps with his large hands rocking your hips.

Soon he is making you bounce, both crying out as your cunt yanks on his knot too hard. He's biting his lip so hard he's bleeding slightly. He can feel you start to come undone on him. You try to slow down, but he's not going to let you.

You feel yourself building up and griping his hot, throbbing cock. Wrapping his arms around you. Quickly ramming you down on his lap with a wet slap. The sudden fullness, his knot hard again, pulsing as he shoots his seed into you while climaxing on him. He yips loudly like a kicked pup. You moan and gasp for air.

His wings are quivering and flapping sporadically. Your skin feels like you have a flame inside you. The wave of pleasure quenching the rising flame that threatened to consume both of you. Chest pressed together, and your hearts beat in unison. A drum of love. You writhe in his arms, causing him to groan and kiss.

Claws buried in your sweat-soaked hair. Cradling your head in his large dangerous hands. Your hormones are tingling his senses. You whimper as you taste his blood quenching. It excites him how much you are changing. It's been slow, but you are special and different from when he took you.

He has corrupted you, planted his seed and blood in you. You are so sweet. You don't see the evil that he is. That Maude was. He felt like one with purity, a burning light. He can't help but feel blessed to be close to it. He dreads the day when your light might turn from him.  

So stupid. Dying. Can't die. Need head to mate's light. Made vow. Made many vows. Need mate.  His instincts reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Promised I would come back. Vowed to always watch over her and our family. Vowed to always love her and what she loves. Promised in blood to take care of her family. All I've done is lie and make her cry," he says. His instincts finally quieted in agreement. He feels the horrific pain of being snapped back to reality.

"What?" Re-Destro pauses in tearing off Shigaraki's wing.

"Want to protect mate and grubs. I want her to surprise me more. Share her light with me. I want to see my brats drive us nuts but closer together. Can't die here," he gravels matter of fact. Choking on a bit of blood. Spitting out some teeth. Protect mate and grubs.

Finally, he feels whole again. It was all feeling clear to him now. One of his hands is crushed. But that's fine. He curls his two fingers, and Re-Destro drops him. He hits the ground and lays all his fingers down on his good hand.

"I have to get back to wife and babies. Never turn your eyes from me. Accept my heart. I need you," he rasps. He is mentally drained, but he is sure he is speaking perfect human in his own language. He didn't say, wife or babies. He said mate and grubs, whatever. It's time to go home.

"You are having an awakening," Re-Destro was saying.

"Blah, blah, blah, too much talking. You started this. I'm ending it," he growls, touching the ground. The dust and decay kick up around him. He feels elated and whole. Soul cleansed for when he sees you next. He can't fly, but it doesn't matter. He won't ignore his instincts any longer.

When the dust clears, he sees he is in a crater. Half the village is gone. A footless big-nosed wizard lies on the ground. He limps towards Re-Destro. A man is shouting at him, using a spell to create a speaker cone with his fingers. A titan is in the background, starting at him agape.

"We have your human queen. Cease, or we will kill her," the trumpet man says. Shigaraki laughs at him as he drags himself closer to the leader.

"That's not my wife. I would have sensed it. The babies would have cried out for me. That one is not pregnant with my brood," Shigaraki snorts.

Re-Destro surrenders. Saying more death of his people will be pointless. He would like to call an allegiance of their people. Shigaraki now represents their central belief. Unrestrained magic. Shigaraki laughs.

"Fine. But you must marry into my family. I do not trust you without a leash. I am your King. You are the leader of this group and the Astral wizards, so you have money and status, correct?" Shigaraki asks. Re-Destro pales but nods in agreement. He points to the trumpet man.

"That man is about ready to be killed. I recommend he lets go of my step-sister," he mumbles before he plops down. To rest a little, he will only close his eyes for a moment. Adam with a pickaxe and Giran with a shovel are heading toward the trumpet man was the last thing before he faded to black.

He was in a human bed when he woke up with his mate feeding him. He takes a bite of the broth and snarls when the scent of the female assails him.  That is not our mate!  His mind screeched. Spitting the broth out on them.

"Really! By Jason's nails. Are you sure this guy is really married to our little sister?" Imogene asks with a sneer. Wiping the broth off her. She is shocked again when he tries to stand. She pushes him back down with a shriek when he tries to swipe at her.

"Are you insane? You can't fly. Your wing and most of your left side is broken," Spinner shouts, helping to keep him pressed down in the horrid bed.

"Don't care, will walk to my wife," He snarls. Dabi Blows that blue smoke shit right in his face. He feels woozy as he coughs, slumping back in the bed.

"Those are broken too. Just relax and let the Doctor heal you," Dabi says, blowing another puff in his face.

"Bring wife here, now! It's too bright in here. I'm thirsty. Where are we? Get rid of this stupid language spell. I don't like how it twists my words. I keep saying wife instead of wife," He rasps. Aching all over and irritated.

"Yeah, we went through a lot of trouble to learn the stupid language," Dabi huffs to no one.

"But that's not the only reason why. You don't like us, humans, knowing what you are talking about." Adam says, eating an apple with a knife. He looks around the room, then down at the black curse creeping towards his elbow. He growls, sitting up.

"Bring wife here now!" He roars again.

"Not possible. She refuses to leave until the hive is tidy. When all the dead are accounted for, the injured are treated, the hive is fed, and repairs are underway. She says all the babies are fine and she is well……and……she loves you. That is what she said to me anyways. Your Master sent some bald human doctor," Spinner said, hands raised in submission turning bright red.

"Bossy little queen. It wasn't her the MLA claimed to have. I knew it," Shigaraki smirks and relaxes a bit. That smoke isn't that bad. Adam gets near him, offering him slices of apple. Which he takes so high he doesn't even consider it strange that he is being fed like a grub from his brother-in-law. He should be served like the King he is, "Send in the MLA asshat. Calls himself Re-Destro. You two, out. I need to deal new family business."

He did not know how massive an asskisser Re-Destro was. Not that it was a bad thing.

"Re-Destro. Meet Emo-Jean. She will be your new wife," He says.

"Now wait a gosh darn minute," Imogene started when Re-Destro babbled in joy at her. He swears to take good care of her and have a big, pricey wedding immediately.  Of course, he would.  She is as pretty as his mate. She looks down at Re-Destro, warming up to his boot-licking praise.

"I have to live near my family. I'm a midwife. I want to deliver my sister's grubs. I have seen too many women in my family die during childbirth," Imogene states.

"Anything you want, dear," he said. She shot Adam a look a dirty look and walked away with Re-Destro. Adam put a knife to his throat. He sighs; they both know Adam isn't going to cut him. But this is what big brothers do.

"I don't like her, but she is better than Maude. Wonder why Ur doesn't like her. Wait. Fuck, I wanted him to break this stupid language spell," He giddily says. He plays with his necklace, thinking of you.

"It is part misunderstanding and part controlling big sister syndrome. You sound quite sophisticated like this," Adam states.

"little resistance. Finally, a good human that does as she's told. Far better than Maude," Shigaraki says drowsily.  

"Did you kill my sister Maude?" Adam asks coldly. Shigaraki turns his head to stare at Adam.

"I did. Maude was in my way. She violated me. Manipulated my wife. Tried to elbow my wife out of the way to become queen. Even then, I did not mean to kill her. I know Ur would be sad if I did. But I did not like her. She died by my hand. I have to take responsibility for my part," he shrugs. Adam puts his knife away and shakes his head.

"That tracks. Dammit, Maude. Maude can be a lot, but she is still our sister. None of the younger ones will take this well. Not even Imogene, who hates Maude, would understand. I won't say anything," he said, getting up. Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes.

"It's my job to tell her. I noticed you said 'is' in the present tense," Shigaraki alleged to Adam's retreating back.

"Still haven't gotten used to her being gone," Adam said icily. The curse has slowed, and Imogene is not married yet, so it might be true. Shigaraki feels like he is floating.  They give kids this shit. No wonder they work so hard. I need my mate. Maybe defile her just a little bit more. You are rubbing off on me. Stay with me,"  he thinks.

Playing with the necklace.

Hundreds of kilometers away, you slump to the ground. Knees too weak to hold you up. Crushing the moth necklace in your grip as you sob.

"I'm sorry. I understand if you are mad at me. But," Lyra's voice quivers.

"No! Just shut the fuck up, Lyra! No more! My heart can't handle more," you scream at her. You feel you are going mad. 

"Big brother, killed Maude?" a tiny voice asks. Your head shoots up to see Beth on the verge of tears while John looks murderous. 

Your jaw drops open, and you are unable to speak. 

Chapter 21

[owo-shenanigans]

Sorry sorry apologies for sending so many characters!!

Kiyotaka, Nekomaru, and Fuyuhiko then a h a

With a delinquent s/o that doesn't take anyone's shit but is the sweetest person to their lover.

Like they'll wack someone to shut them up and then be cuddling into their lover like a cat five minutes later.

Just a sweetheart who isn't afraid to give a punch

Again so sorry for sending too many characters before, I hope this is alright!!

×Vex ∆

-

Lol its fine, not many people read my rules anyway. MC is kind of an asshole because. That’s how delinquents are.

Kiyotaka, Nekomaru and Fuyuhiko dating a delinquent

(CWs; mentions of bullying, beating people up, break ups)

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

You two probably started talking because he kept giving you detention for hitting people.

"Y/N! Why on earth did you punch Asahina!"

"She was being a pain in the ass. Who cares about her diet?"

He drags a hand down his face and gives his usual answer, even though you've been in detention enough to get a frequent flier card.

If you two get together he's going to get on your case about not breaking the rules and being more polite to everyone.

If you punch Hina in the face and make her cry again, he'll lecture you in place of your date.

Don't try to hide it and pretend that you've changed to his face. That would probably be a deal breaker for him if he found out you were still beating people up behind his back and telling him that you had stopped.

Even if you're hitting assholes, unless you're punching Teruteru into the sun for his general actions he'll still tell you that violence should be a last resort.

Overall…… if you don't want to change, you two wouldn't make a great couple. But if you're willing to pull it back, you'd be a really nice couple!

Nekomaru Nidai

Okay yeah this man gives no fucks

As long as you aren't beating people up without consent he doesn't care at all.

"Nekomaru! Your partner is brawling with Akane!" Yells Kiyotaka. "I know! Why do you think I'm getting clean towels!" He booms in response, and Taka can't think of a response.

If you nestle yourself into his arms after a fight he'll love it. He loves the smell of people being active and sweat is one of those things.

If you punch down, though, to people who can't fight back, that's when he gets unhappy. He'll straight up hold you back from them and hold talks between you and him to find out why you're doing it.

He doesn't appreciate the double standard, either- people will tell him how you're acting, and if enough people do so he'll sit down with you and find out the truth.

He has an extremely low tolerance for bullies in my opinion, so he wouldn’t try and fix you. Either you shape up and stop bruising Mikans shins when she stutters too much or you’re done.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

Oh boy.

You were probably threatening some kid for their lunch when he passed by, but the fact that he didn’t try and stop you or just look away nervously piqued your interest.

Of course, the first time you tried to talk to him you tried to kabe don him and Peko ripped you away and trapped you on the ground as she assumed you were trying to threaten him.

Once the misunderstanding is cleared up and you two get together, he doesn’t give two shits about what you do. If they didn’t want to get hit, they should learn to defend themself. Not his problem.

He really likes the affection, probably, but don’t do it in public or where his family can see. He’ll be incredibly embarrassed and shove you away if you do so anyway.

Toxic masculinity babyyy!!

Peko, who would never admit it on pain of death, worries a tad about you two. At least it’s helping prepare Fuyuhiko for taking on the role of the leader…?

[magicbystarlight]

One For Sorrow, Two For Joy - Part Fourteen

Masterlist, Part One

Part Fourteen of Eighteen

Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes Divider by @bwbatta

Summary: For the last three years, you’ve been working a repetitive Ministry job and wrapped your life around an unhappy relationship. After realizing how empty your life has become, you leave everything behind and stumble across an unlikely job for you - Office Manager for Weaselys’ Wizard Wheezes. There you wish to find something you lost in the war: hope.

Word Count: 3184

Warnings: 18+, hospitals setting, mentions of parents being in the hospital, weird ex behavior. Minors DNI.

HP Tag List: @bamboozledflamplant @charmingandfantasticfics @discogrrl @squishytomatoes @brenna-oneil @byelannie

One For Sorrow, Two For Joy Taglist: @sugasthreedollarkookie @bethanystan @maralisa124 @confusedcrayon @ikkleroniekins @lyricalstreams @slytherclaw1978 @winterishfallinknowledge @prettywhitedoves @that-eco-bitch @stefania-herondale @hunnybunimdun

He messed up.

You were right. He had kept things from you while expecting complete transparency in return. You had never questioned him or called him out about it, even though you had every right to. You had trusted his decisions.

Yet here he was, acting like some possessive, douchebag boyfriend when you weren't even together. He was nothing more than your boss. You had no requirement to tell him where you had been or where you were going.

Ron asked, "Has she gone mad?" as the two brothers watched you and McLaggen Dissaperate. "She can't just go off with that prick!"

"She can," George said. His head fell into his hands as he perched himself up against the counter. No matter his personal dislike and current problems with McLaggen, his mum was at St. Mungo's hurt or sick and you still cared about him enough to comfort him. It had nothing to do with George and everything to do with the person you were. "Look, I'm–I'm going to lock up here. Could you let Amber know I won't be back?"

Ron left, telling him to owl if he needed anything. George briefly debated whether to keep the shop open or not, but decided that he didn't have the mental capacity to keep it open. He left a note apologizing for the inconvenience on the doors, letting customers know the location would be closed for the remainder of the day and all the next. Closing up was difficult as each task was overshadowed by the incessant thought that he had just ruined any hopes of ever being with you.

"Really, that's what you're worried about right now, you selfish prick?" Fred's voice rang in his head. "Ever thought maybe she cared about his mum and was worried about her?"

No, no he hadn't.

"No shit, mate. You've had your head too far up your arse. Think you outta go check if she needs anything."

St. Mungo's was a busy place, much busier than it had been when his dad had been there a few years back. The receptionist at the front counter was busy and he strummed his fingers against the counter as he waited. Time ticked by slowly as she worked her way to him.

When she finally cast her speckled gaze on him, she asked, "Who are you here to see?"

"McLaggen."

"First name?" She asked, picking up her clipboard and looking it over.

He paused. First name? "I don't know."

Her eyes rolled behind her glasses and she huffed, "Then I can't help you," and turned around. Trying to get her attention proved futile as she either couldn't hear or ignored his pleas. The temptation to just head up and go through every floor until he found you was strong, but the eyes that followed me as he paced the lobby stopped him.

His patience was dwindling and he thought of all the people who might know McLaggen's mum's name. Hermione maybe? Maybe Mum? His name was called out and he could see Lavender Brown, dressed in a Healer's uniform heading over to him.

Like many of the survivors of the war, she hadn't come out of it unscathed. Scars lined her neck from where Greyback had torn into her at the battle. Because he hadn't been transformed at the time, she didn't suffer from lycanthropy but did have some symptoms. Bill had been almost a mentor to her after she recovered to help guide her through her new wolfish tendencies.

"Is someone hurt?" she asked, concern in her eyes.

"Mrs. McLaggen. My shopkeeper came with Cormac and I wanted to see if she needed anything. I don't know how long she'll be here."

She gave him a small smile, "Lucky that you ran into me then. Follow me." According to Lavender, she was the primary Healer for Mrs. McLaggen and was on her way home when she spotted him. It was lucky.

She took him up to the first floor, to a room just down the hall from where his dad had been during his stay. Not wanting to upset McLaggen, Lavender did him one last favor and called you out.

"I thought you were off for the night," you said to Lavender. Lavender pointed to George. Your face went from neutral to furious as you set your eyes on him. "Seriously, George? I'm not going to leave!"

He held his arms out and shook his hands. "No, no no no. I'm not asking you to! I just- I wanted to see if you needed anything." Your face softened slightly, but your didn't seem to fully trust what he was saying.

Lavender excused herself quickly, promising you that she would be back tomorrow. Your folded your arms in front of you as you watched Lavender disappear. "What do you mean if I need anything?"

"Well, I thought you might be here awhile. Thought you might need food or something. I can get anything you need."

"Oh." You looked thoughtful, biting your lip. After a moment, you cast a glance into the room. You asked, "Anything?"

Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. It wasn't that he didn't want to help in any way he could, but being in McLaggen's apartment just felt gross. Apparently, he had never moved out of your former shared apartment. Or redecorated.

It had been several months since you had broken up and you had left, yet pictures of the two of you still hung on the walls of the living room. In them, you were smiling, laughing, and looking very much in love. It was disturbing to realize all the photos were in clear view of the couch.

It was a lot of self-control to not take them down. After what he had put you through, it felt like a mockery of you and your relationship. But he didn't want McLaggen to come back and complain to you that he had messed with the apartment when he was already on thin ice. George sucked it up and got what you asked for, making sure to leave everything as he had found it.

After stopping by your apartment, he went back to St. Mungo's. It didn't seem right to walk into the room of someone he didn't know, so he peeked around the corner to get your attention. His stomach dropped when I saw you and McLaggen sitting together on the small couch, hands intertwined as you sat silently. The sound of the bags must have alerted you as he tried to retreat from the sight.

You whispered something to him and left him behind to greet George again. "Thank you, George," you said as you took the bags. Your shoulders heaved as you let out a heavy sigh and pushed hair out of your face. Worry seemed to be etched into your being as you stood there.

"How is she doing?"

You fidgeted with your hands, not looking at him. "She hasn't woken up yet. They've tried a few different potions and spells, but without knowing what attacked her it's not likely to do any good. We're waiting on a specialist from the Ministry to come by to hopefully give us some clue, but they said he won't be here till tomorrow."

He wanted nothing more than to pull you into him and comfort him, promising it would all be fine, like he’d done before. "Is there anything more I can do?"

You shook your head, a single tear falling down your face that you quickly wiped away. "No, you've done plenty, thank you. You should head home. I've got to get back to Cormac." You gave a meager wave as you went back to him.

One, maybe two hours passed, but George couldn't relax. Originally, it was about you and the possibility of you rekindling your old relationship with McLaggen. But as he thought more and more, it was Mrs. McLaggen and her son he worried for. No one knew what had happened to her or if she would be alright. Her life was on the line. Despite this, the Ministry was taking it's time to deliver the help that could possibly save her. The Ministry had always been a bureaucratic nightmare, but he had hoped it had changed in recent years under new leadership. Kingsley would have rushed to help if he knew.

That thought made him jump to his feet. If his dad knew, he would do anything to help. And he must know whoever the specialist is.

His did did know. "That's supposed to be Sean Flint, but he's notoriously difficult. Will never work a second outside normal Ministry hours no matter how urgent the matter," he huffed as he paced the Burrow's kitchen room. "It's ludicrous that they allow him to risk people's lives like this."

His mum spoke up from the table, her eyes following her husband, "I'm sure he'd go if you talked to him, Arthur."

He shook his head. "No, no he wouldn't. He's a stubborn bastard."

It wasn't the news George had been hoping for. How could the Ministry allow something like this? "So there's nothing we can do to help her?"

His dad paused in thought. "Rolf." He strode quickly over to the table and ruffled through his briefcase. A moment later he pulled out a small notebook and flipped through a couple of pages. "Aha!" he exclaimed as he stopped on one.

"Rolf Scamander. He's been here for a few weeks on loan from MACUSA. Brilliant young man." Dad grabbed his cloak and headed for the door. "And always willing to help."

Cormac snored quietly on the couch as the night went on. It'd been difficult to convince him to sleep. He was worried his mum would wake up or something terrible would happen while he wasn't awake. It took several promises to get him to take some of your Draught and pass out. Occasionally a Healer would come to check on Helen, but nothing changed. Despite their best attempts, nothing had helped and there was little they could do without knowing what had attacked her.

Rain tapped against the glass of the window, giving you something to watch as you waited uneasily for anything to happen. The last time you’d been to St. Mungo's it had been to say goodbye to your own mother. It was too easy to imagine her lying in the hospital bed that housed Helen's unconscious body.

"Do not worry for me, dear. Death is simple. It comes for us all one day, but it is not the end. It is another adventure. Remember what we've always said: Even in death, love lives. And I love you so very much."

Your eyes shut tight at the memory. It was both the best and worst one you had of Mum. It had been an incredible blessing to have the chance to say goodbye, but you would never wish the pain of seeing your mother near death on anyone.

Your thoughts kindly drifted to George as you sat against the cold window. You’d wanted him to stay, but it didn't seem appropriate to ask him. Not with the animosity between him and Cormac. It had been a surprise that George had agreed to help, or that he had come at all. After how you had spoken to him (even if it had been deserved) and everything Cormac had done, you thought he wouldn't speak to me for a while. He was an even better person than you had thought.

A knock at the door drew your attention. "Ma'am, someone from the Ministry is here to take a look at Mrs. McLaggen."

You stood quickly to greet the stranger. You thought you knew everyone from the Ministry, but you didn't recognize the young, sandy-haired man. "Thank you for coming," you said, shaking the man's hand.

"Of course, I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier." It was no wonder you didn't recognize the man, he was very much American. You watched on edge as he checked her over, gently turning her head and lifting her arms. He studied her face and pulled back her eyelids, revealing a bright blue tint. "Ah, good."

You asked, "Good?"

He smiled up at you, letting her eyes close. "Yes, very good. Mrs. McLaggen will be perfectly fine." He called to the Healer, asking her to bring a few potion ingredients and a cauldron. "It seems that she stumbled over a group of young Pixies. It's very rare outside of Cornwall, but not entirely impossible. They're not dangerous, just a bit mischievous. I'm going to brew something for her and she should be awake in six or so hours."

Relief washed over you at the news. She was alright. She was in no danger and Cormac would not lose another family member. In a few hours, she would be talking with her son, discussing a summer holiday or Easter plans, and their life will continue on as normal.

"Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr.–?"

"Scammender," he said. "But please, call me Rolf."

The Healer brought in the ingredients and cauldron and Rolf was very happy to show you how to brew the remedy. It was done quickly and you helped levitate Helen so he could give it to her. "It'll be about six hours before she wakes up. She will be completely fine, however, I will suggest to the Healers that she stays an additional twenty-four hours just to be sure."

"Again, thank you. Her son will be incredibly grateful when he wakes up," you told him as he cleaned up. "If you wouldn't mind me asking, how long have you been with the Ministry? If I recall, it was Sean who used to do the hospital calls for these types of things."

"It is still Sean, but he wasn't available until tomorrow. I actually work for MACUSA. I'm here for a few months doing research and training."

It explained why an American was working for the Ministry. "Well, I'll be sure to thank him for sending you."

He gave you a quizzical look. "Arthur Weasley and, I believe, his son actually asked me to come by. I don't think Sean even knows I'm here yet. Not sure if he'll be pleased he doesn't have to come or upset that I did his job. "

Maybe you shouldn't have been surprised that George had found another way to help. He'd always been resourceful and exceptionally talented at finding loopholes. "Of course they did." It wasn't possible to stop the smile that tugged on your lips. The man was too wonderful. Too perfect.

"Cormac," you said softly, a few minutes after Rolf had left. He snored on in blissful sleep. You tried again, louder. "Cormac." Nothing. Shaking him, you spoke into his ear, "Cormac!"

This finally dragged him out of sleep, though he nearly socked you for it. "Oi, sorry!" He sat up from the couch and stretched out. His eyes quickly landed on his mum. "Anything?"

"She's going to be okay," you said, taking a seat next to him. He listened intently as you told him what had happened overnight, his serious expression never changing.

"Weasley really sent him?" His face scrunched as he let out a heavy sigh. "I can't believe he'd do that for me. Not after..."

"He did. Somehow, he did. It's what you Gryffindor's do, isn't it? Always coming to people's rescue."

A humorless laugh escaped him. "No, it's not. If I recall correctly, I've been the villain recently. Weasley, however, hasn't lost his savior complex." He looked over at you, not as happy as he should be considering he just found out his mum would be alright. "Neither have you, apparently. After everything I've done to you and put you through, you still came here with me. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of it.”

Cormac was always able to say just the right things, but what he said wasn't always honest. This was different, however. He looked and sounded repentant for what had happened. "No, I didn't. I know that I wasn't the best girlfriend and that we both made mistakes, but it was a bit harsh."

"It was more than 'a bit'," he said. He closed his hands around yours, running his thumbs across the back. "I was a horrible partner at the end. There were so many things I did wrong. I–I wanted to get your attention. It felt like you were pulling away or had lost interest in me. When nothing I did worked, I thought that if you saw that you were losing me then you would fight for us. It was a stupid, selfish mistake and I wish I could take it back.

When you walked out that night, I thought you would come back or that I would see you at work the next day and we would work it out. It shouldn't have been a shock when I went back and found all of your clothes gone with a note in their place; I had given you every reason to leave. But it still felt like I had been blindsided. For months I thought you were going to come back. Then I heard him talking about you on the radio and I thought you were trying to make me jealous. It wasn't until I saw you on New Year's enjoying yourself that I realized you were moving on. My pride was hurt when I saw you with him, so I wanted to hurt you back."

Part of you could understand Cormac. You had been pulling away, trying less and less to make things work between you. It didn't excuse anything he had done, but at least you know knew the reason everything had happened the way it did. "Thank you for telling me. I wish we could’ve communicated better with each other; maybe we wouldn't have ended so terribly."

"Or maybe we wouldn't have ended at all," he said, with a hopeful tone. "I still love you. If you gave me another chance, I swear I would never hurt you like I have again. I'd do better, be better for you."

"Cor," you whispered, "I still love and care for you. You were such an important part of my life and you helped get me through so much, I'll always love you because of it. But it's not the same kind of love I had for you before. I'm sorry."

He pursed his lips and closed his eyes, taking in the rejection. "You have nothing to apologize for. I knew it was a long shot. Weasley's a lucky man."

"I'm not with George."

He looked at you with a sad smile. "Not yet. There's a reason seeing you with him got me so upset. There's always been something between the two of you. I've seen the way you two look at each other, it's only a matter of time. Hopefully, he'll figure it out sooner rather than later."

Any response you had was erased by the sound of sheets rustling. Helen was up.

Bonus Content

Colin’s Photograph #2 (George’s Perspective)

Seeing You Again

Next

[softpine]

Might be a weird question. But are we going to get to know what Finn's parents were really like. Like more info about why they got together, why they had finn, what went wrong etc. Because you've said the Finn's mom being warm scene had a different meaning and I just wonder why and what they were really like.

you'll learn more about finn’s mom for sure, which means you’ll learn a little bit more about the family dynamic, but there won’t be anything dedicated specifically to lucy/richard’s backstory. but you know me, i’ve definitely thought about it in detail even though it won’t come up fjksjd so here you go, here’s an early history!

lucy grew up in a very traditional household. she was homeschooled until high school, when she was allowed to go to public school. this is where she met richard. he was enough of a “good christian boy” to please her parents, but rebellious enough to still have fun together. after graduation, they wanted to move in together, so they got married and rented a trailer home. lucy became a waitress and richard began working odd jobs.

they always knew they were going to have kids, because that was just the thing to do. the question was never “if”, it was “when”. lucy wanted to stay at home and homeschool her kids like she had been, so they waited quite a few years before they had finn, hoping they would be in better financial standing later, but they never were. lucy had a rough, complicated pregnancy, made worse by the fact that she smoked and drank throughout it (don’t judge her too harshly, it wasn’t frowned upon yet). she was incredibly stressed. she was living her life for her parents, for God, for richard, and now for this baby, but she had never gotten to live for herself. she started to resent motherhood before finn was even born. for the first two years of finn’s life, she did stay home with him and tried to be the “perfect” mom, but she was depressed and lonely. richard really stepped up at this time – he was great with finn and he did his best to support lucy. he just didn’t understand why she was so unhappy. around this time, lucy’s parents passed away, and her sister moved to new york, so lucy had no support system outside of her home.

lucy loved finn, but she regretted him too. she never quite figured out how to act with him. she wanted so badly to be a good, affectionate mom, but it never felt right. so she went back to work. until finn was old enough to start school, he spent his days with his grandma (richard’s dad had already died by this point, so finn wasn’t in danger there) and was returned home at night. lucy would feed him, bathe him, and put him to bed, but she couldn’t bring herself to give him more than that.

and then we know what happened in the years following this... richard started drinking and lucy stopped caring :(

↓ specifics about richard’s childhood and how it affected finn’s life ↓ tw: child abuse and alcoholism

we know richard grew up with an abusive father. his mom was incredibly sweet and loving to him, but she was being abused as well, so she couldn’t protect him from it. richard always thought it was despicable to hurt a woman like that, and he vowed to never do it. however, the abuse towards himself was justified in his mind, because he was a rowdy kid and he “deserved” what he got. to him, hitting a woman is punching down & unjustified, but hitting your son is a disciplinary gesture. it’s just a very warped worldview that was a product of the time period & environment he grew up in.

so when finn started acting like, well, a kid, being loud and obnoxious, disobeying on occasion, not being a perfect angel at all times... richard had no idea how what the normal parental response to this behavior should be. his first instinct was to “beat it out of him” like what had been done to him. richard’s drinking problem only exacerbated the issue. things were getting really bad when finn was starting junior high (right before he died). finn was starting to defend himself louder and more frequently, which richard interpreted as complete disobedience, therefore he would be even more violent. it was a horrible cycle.

by the way, my intention with this picture:

was that richard had physically hurt finn earlier that day, and lucy was either unaware that it had happened, or she was completely aware and was trying to give him a cover story in case someone asked about the bruises. but it’s a good memory to finn, because she was still comforting him / being affectionate :(

[whimsicallyreading]

For Day 29 of Rowaelin Month

“A song fic-“

The song- “Always Been You” by Quinn XCII

CW- Mentions of miscarriage and divorce

"I can't believe you right now."

Rowan looks at his wife in frustration. She's sitting at the end of their bed, staring listlessly at the wall. The skirt of the red dress she's wearing is wrinkled, and his heart aches when he notices the mascara marks on her cheeks.

"Aelin," Rowan tries again to reach for her, but she leans away from his grasp.

"No, Rowan. I'm done."

Rowan takes a long swing from the beer in front of him. The time on his phone alerts him that he's spent most of the evening sulking at his bar.

The guys had invited him to dinner, but Rowan hadn't felt like going in light of his current situation. Instead, choosing to meander to the shady little pub they'd passed by coming from the airport.

His lawyer had sent him numerous emails. Documents to sign, agreements to approve, and papers he needed to read through before sending them to the judge.

Divorce was a pain, and Aelin wasn't making it easy.

"Hey, bud. I thought I might find you here." Fenrys slides onto the barstool next to his.

Rowan sighs and rubs the lines forming on his forehead. "Well, I thought it was obvious I didn't want company."

"Too bad. Drinking alone isn't a good look on you." Fenrys raises a hand and motions for another round of beers. "How are things going with ya know?"

"Shitty. She's never paid a dime of rent on that apartment, but she wants the lease signed into her name and for me to front the first four months of rent." Rowan cracks a peanut between his finger. He has no intent to eat the growing pile in front of him. He just craved the satisfaction of breaking something.

"Well, have you talked to her about that?" Fenrys frowns in sympathy, knowing how equally attached both parties were to the little rental.

Rowan laughs mirthlessly. "No, she said that it was better if our conversations were mediated. I always knew Aelin was catty, but she's acting like such a-"

"Don't." Fenrys gives Rowan a severe look. "I know you are upset, but don't start saying shit you'll regret."

Rowan pauses and reluctantly nods his agreement. It's the alcohol talking. He knew the problems that had festered his marriage were predominantly his responsibility.

He takes a deep breath, but a heaviness seems to keep the air from reaching his lungs fully. The weight was slowly becoming too familiar, starting the day Aelin had presented him with the papers.

Rowan wishes he'd done more. Wishes he'd paid more attention and seen the signs of Aelin's unhappiness.

The day Aelin had broken down in their bedroom had been a cold wake-up call but by then? It was already too late.

"You missed our anniversary Rowan." Aelin shouts and pulls her heels off angrily.

Rowan picks up a shoe and tries to hand it back to her. "I know. I'm sorry. It's not too late, though. We can still go out? There's still time to salvage-"

Aelin turns away from him and seems to fold in on herself. Rowan wants to reach out. He wants to hold her, but something dark is building in the air.

"I don't want your leftovers, Rowan," Aelin whispers. "That's all I get anymore—your leftover time. Your leftover attention. Whatever leftover resentment you bring home from work."

"Aelin-" he tries to cut off her depressive spiral, but she's not finished.

"You used to call me during the day." Aelin's voice cracks, and he realizes she's crying. "Every day, you would call me on your break. Now you don't even call when you leave town."

"Baby, just listen to me." He puts his hands on her shoulders, but Aelin breaks his grasp to turn around and look at him.

"Is there someone else?" Her eyes are wide and vulnerable. So unlike his regular Aelin."

"What?" His brain is struggling even to formulate a reply. Rowan's lack of response only causes Aelin to worry more.

Something in her cracks. There's a quiver to her lips, and her face drains of color. "Oh. Oh no."

"Aelin. I swear there is no one else." Rowan finally says, but it's too late.

"Is," Aelin presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Is it because I lost the baby?" She sucks in a hiccupping breath. "You've always wanted kids. So did I, but my fucking body doesn't work."

Aelin closes her eyes, and Rowan knows she's speaking more to herself than him, but her words gut him just the same. "My body doesn't work right. I keep giving us false hopes and wasting money on pregnancy tests. Of course, you would look for a woman who can give you what you want."

He's surprised by the sudden flare of anger in him. "Don't put words in my mouth. That will never be your fault."

They'd known right from the start their journey to parenthood would be a long one. Aelin had a family history of complicated fertility. It had seemed so trivial when they got married. Yet even knowing there could be issues, nothing quite prepared them for the pain of a miscarriage.

Aelin sniffles, unable to force back her grief, "But you resent me. Don't you?"

Rowan doesn't reply.

"It's rough," Rowan admits out loud. "I let a lot get left unsaid. I was hurt and pushed her away. Now she won't even speak to me without a lawyer present."

Fenrys nods, "It's all probably for the best. Once this is over, you guys can put this drama behind you."

"I wish it were that easy," Rowan knocks back the rest of his beer. He grimaces at the drink. It's not taking hold quickly enough.

Fenrys raises an eyebrow. "You both will be able to shut the book on this chapter of your lives and move on? Considering how bloody you two have been fighting, it sounds ideal."

They sit in silence. Fenrys takes the peanut basket away from Rowan and picks at the shells. The bartender comes by, and disgruntledly eyes Rowan's pile of crumbs as he orders a whiskey neat.

Fen was like his little brother, but Rowan found it hard to admit his real problem to him aloud. "I still love her."

The basket goes flying over the side of the counter, and Fenrys chokes on his beer. "What?"

Rowan can't look him in the eye, "We lost a baby. It was early. Aelin didn't want to tell everyone. Three years we tried to get pregnant, and finally, a test comes back positive. She was so happy."

"Shit," Fenrys says quietly. "I'm so sorry."

"It was there, and then it was gone. I thought Aelin was fine. She cried for a week, but then it was like a switch flipped, and she was back to normal." Rowan clenches a napkin in his fist. "I was devastated. It hurt like hell, but I didn't want to send her back into a depression." Rowan shakes his head at how stupid he'd been. "So I put some distance between us. I didn't want her to think I was upset with her."

"I didn't feel better," Rowan sips the whiskey, relishing the warmth. "It made me mad that she got over it so quickly, and I couldn't. I didn't realize that I was growing that space between us. I didn't understand how much guilt she harbored and that she tried to be strong for me. Not until she broke."

"We fought. I said all the wrong things. Aelin couldn't take it anymore, she left, and I didn't stop her." Rowan leans his head on his hands and elbows against the counter. "She's the love of my life, and I watched her walk out the door."

Fenrys sucks in a breath and sighs. "You are my best friend, and I mean this in the most loving way possible. Why the hell are you here?"

"What?" Rowan looks at Fenrys annoyed face.

"Get out of here. Go. I'll tell the boss you have ebola or some shit." Fenrys fishes his wallet out and throws cash on the bar. "I'll even cover the tab. Just leave. Now."

"What? I don't understand?"

Fenrys looks at Rowan like he's stupid. "No offense, but you are about as interesting as a brick wall. The fact you caught a girl like Aelin is astonishing. If you love her, are you honestly going to let her go on being miserable?"

"She's not miserable," Rowan scoffs.

Fenrys laughs bitterly. "You forget I'm pals with Aedion too? Aelin winds up at his house almost every evening crying her eyes out. You two are still hopelessly in love. You're just dumb and badly in need of a good conversation."

"Aelin is upset?" A sense of disbelief washes over him.

"Yes! She misses you, but she's under the impression you are off sleeping around." His face saddens. "I told Aedion you weren't. He knows I go on all of these trips with you. Aelin's just upset you're gone and needs to believe in something that can help her let go."

Rowan stands up, swaying. "I have to go."

"Hell yeah, you do. Give Aelin my love," Fenrys waves as Rowan vates the bar like a hawk out of hell.

Aelin sets the stack of papers in front of him.

Rowan had been camping out in his office ever since there disaster of an anniversary. He'd texted a few times, but every time they talked, it was like relighting a fuze. Things weren't getting better.

"What are these?" Rowan asks without looking up from his screen.

"Your ticket to freedom," Aelin sits in the chair across from him.

She looks thin, thinner than she did when Arobynn was her foster father. It physically hurts Rowan that he's causing her that kind of stress. Glancing at the papers, she slapped in front of him. His blood becomes like an ice river through his body. "Aelin-"

"I'm not the one for you. That's apparent now. I won't hold you hostage in a marriage that you aren't happy in." Aelin blinks, and a tear slides down her face. He wants to wipe it away, but he's beyond angry. She was giving up on them.

"If this is what you want," Rowan slides the papers towards him and pulls out a pen.

Rowan is racing the familiar paths to their apartment. He doesn't care that it's almost four in the morning. The plane ride between Perranth and Ornyth is mercifully short, but he can't force himself to wait another minute.

"Aelin," he yells through their door. "Baby, answer me. Open the door."

Rowan's fists tap a consistent rhythm on the door, and his heart skips a beat when a bedraggled Aelin finally appears. "Rowan, do you know what time it is?"

She's in a pair of grey flannel pajamas, not one of her usual silky numbers. Aelin's eyes are red around the edges, and her face is still dewy from the excessive amount of lotion he knows she loves to put on. Rowan knows all of her routines. All of her favorite outfits, comfort movies, and best memories. He knows the scar she has on her left hand from an abusive foster father. Rowan remembers how the bridge of her nose wrinkles when she's upset in the same spot her cousin's does.

He knows everything about her, because not only were they husband and wife, they were best friends.

How could he have let that go?

Before Aelin can ask any more questions, Rowan has swept her into his arms. "I missed you so damn much."

"Rowan, have you been drinking?" Aelin asks in a voice cracked with emotion.

His hands are running up her back, and his knows burrows into her hair. He's always loved the smell of her jasmine shampoo. "Fireheart, I never resented you for losing the baby."

"Rowan, I don't want to talk about this," Aelin tries to push him away, but he squeezes her into his chest, and she melts.

That had been his mistake. He should have held Aelik like this and never let her go on pretending to be happy. How could he know everything about this woman and not have seen past her facade? She'd suffered. His own pain had blinded him.

"Aelin, I've made so many mistakes lately." Rowan rubs the back of Aelin's neck the way she likes, and he can feel the sobs starting to build up inside of her. "But the greatest shame of my life is not being there for you when you needed me. I was stupid, Fireheart. I'm not going to be stupid any longer. This separation can't go on, we aren't any happier for it, and I can't live knowing I'm away from the other half of my soul."

Aelin cracks, and he can feel the tears wetting the front of his shoulder. "You were never home. I thought there was someone else, someone who could give you the things you wanted because I can't."

Her whole form is shuddering his arms, and Rowan squeezes tighter as if he can hold her broken pieces together. "It's always been you. I don't care if we adopt or never have any kids at all. All I need is you, baby. You are all I've ever needed."

Suddenly, hands are in Rowan's hair as Aelin crushes their lips together. The kiss is frantic, a relief of the stress they'd carried upon their shoulders.

"I missed you too," Aelin whispers in between kisses. “Gods I mussed you so much.”

The rest of their night is filled with soothing words, frantic kissing, and murmured apologies. Rowan kisses the tears from her cheeks and Aelin looks into his eyes like she’s home. Nail dig into skin as they promise never to be apart again.

For the first time in months they sleep in the same bed. Rowan sinks into a deep restful sleep with his wife in his arms once more. He loves the way her cold toes search out his heat. How Aelin fits so perfectly against his chest. When he wakes up and she’s still there, his heart nearly features from relief.

After months of pain, it's the beginning of their walk towards healing.

The days after aren't perfect. They had legal issues to sort back out, more problems to lay bare to the sunlight. There was arguing, but it lacked actual heat, and they didn't walk away feeling unloved at the end. No longer did they fight to land barbs. Their bickering now served to work towards solutions and to express needs.

Between struggles, the love began to grow back. Rowan kept his job at work, and when he was home, it was about them. He started calling her on his breaks again, and it always astonished him how much he missed the sound of her voice. They both strived to communicate their feelings better and actually listen instead of reacting.

Aelin surprised him with romantic dates, and Rowan read pages of her favorite books to her at night. They danced in the kitchen and laughed at their favorite shows.

Fixing their marriage was hard work, but Rowan and Aelin didn't mind. The separation proved that neither of them wanted a life without the other. It was to whatever end, and they wouldn't accept anything less for them.

On one Sunday morning, Rowan opens his eyes and realizes that Aelin isn't on her side of the bed. Panic surges in him, and he looks around to make sure her things are still there.

They are, and the tension eases from his shoulders until he hears soft crying from the bathroom. Darting out of bed, he grabs Aelin's bathrobe and knocks on their bathroom door. "Aelin, what's wrong?"

Had he screwed something up? Was she sick?

The lock clicks, granting him silent permission for him to come inside. Rowan pushes the door open and finds Aelin crying on the side of the tup. With gentle hands, he wraps her robe around her and throws an arm over her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Aelin looks up at him, a radiant smile on her face. "Look."

Rowan glances down to her clenched fists and-

He blinks, once, twice. Aelin laughs at his dumbfounded face, and it breaks his paralysis. Rowan grabs her around the waist and spins her around the cramped bathroom, the positive pregnancy test clattering to the floor.

Aelin's arms wrap around his neck. The emotion in the room is raw and bittersweet, but there's a hopefulness that can't be denied. Rowan holds her tight as they process the news. When they break apart, the love between them is palpable. They had another shot at this, a fresh start.

Hards times would come and go, but good days were never far behind for them. Because for Aelin and Rowan, it's always been them.

And that's all they needed.

[a-student-out-of-time]

((Mod, I'm not going to lie, the way you're handling Mikan's past in this blog really makes anon massively uncomfortable. You just had Kokoro indirectly imply that being bullied and suffering doesn't make you worthy of sympathy or compassion. I know you're trying to meet Hiyoko fans halfway and everything, but it feels like you're pandering to them so hard you've actually started to hate bullying victims, like Hiyoko fans do. You're "considering other views" SO much you've become an apologist.))

//I am genuinely confused by what you’re saying here, because none of that is what’s going on.

1. Hiyoko has nothing to do with any of this. At all. She wasn’t mentioned at any point, so I have no idea where you would get this impression that this was meant as pandering or that I’ve become an apologist. That has nothing to do with this conversation at all.

2. None of what you mentioned is what was said. Kokoro was not saying that being the victim of bullying or suffering “doesn't make you worthy of sympathy or compassion.” What she was trying to say was putting your own suffering at the center of the universe and all your experiences is the problem. Of course people who’ve suffered and been through horrible shit that they don’t deserve are worthy of love and compassion, but in the worse cases, they can also develop victim complexes where they feel that, because their lives have been horrible, they feel like they deserve compensation from the universe. Which is often a result of them not getting that love and compassion early on.

The classic example is the villain who does horrible shit because they had a bad childhood or they lost someone they love, and they feel they deserve something in return, like the universe owes them, to the point that other people have to suffer for it. But it’s okay, because the villain’s suffering is justified but everyone else is complaining too much.

3. Morality is not black and white. Like it or not, it’s entirely possible to be the victim of unfortunate circumstances and still be an asshole. Victim complexes, self-pity and the desire for some kind of compensation are the cause of a lot of suffering themselves, where people put their own pain and their own misery at the center of the universe. Often because doing makes them feel important or they torture themselves with it because they don’t feel they’ll ever be important.

What Kokoro was saying was that how you respond to the pain and suffering your life is what really matters. Not by fixating on how mean bullies were to you, not playing misery poker and decided your suffering on how your misery isn’t important or is worthy of blotting out the sun, but thinking about how you can fix it and live a better life.

The sad truth is that wallowing in self-pity is a fundamentally selfish act, and no matter how personal you try and make it, it hurts other people just as much as it hurts you. And it can lead to people pushing away and even hurting those who are only trying to help. You devalue those around you because, no matter how much they care about you, you ultimately give them the impression that they’re wasting your time on you. And that hurts.

4. I absolutely love Mikan as a character, not because she’s cute or “uwu she did nothing wrong.” No, she did a lot of things wrong. A lot of her decisions were, if you look through the story and her free time events, fundamentally selfish: she admits that she only really healed herself for her own sake, she went into medicine partly because she liked having people depend on her, and, when her despair self came out, she 

While I have my own issues with Chapter 3, Mikan is my favorite DR character because of how complex she is. She is kind and she is loving, but she wrestles with feelings of worthlessness which often manifest in self-destructive and outwardly-destructive ways. What she needs is compassion and understanding, and love from someone who isn’t called the Ultimate Despair. That’s really what despair is: deciding that your life doesn’t matter, nothing matters, only misery matters. It hurts you and it hurts other people.

4. I don’t say all this as judgement from an outsider. This is quite frankly the most important life lesson I’ve ever had to learn. I’ve been through all of this myself. I’ve hurt people and ruined good relationships I’ve had because I ended up using a lot of them as emotional crutches to hold myself up, rather than valuing them as I should’ve.

Depression, anxiety and low self-worth are the most painful and awful things to deal with, and I still struggle with them. It clouds your mind and makes pain and misery and sadness seem like the most important things in the world, and of course people are gonna feel like shit when that happens

We have a bit of a problem with selfish desires, where a lot of the time, we assume that being selfish is a fundamentally bad thing and doing so makes you a bad person. Really, doing good things for yourself- when you assign value to yourself as a person in spite of your circumstances, when you can look at your mistakes and say “Alright, I’ll try and learn from this,” and when you stop fixating on all your pain and suffering and mistakes- is the most important thing in the world.

And yes, a big part of that is being compassionate and understanding toward those who’ve suffered. But they also need to be willing to accept the negative thoughts and actions that might’ve emerged from that maelstrom of misery, because ignoring it only leads to it festering and welling up inside you. Ignoring a problem and telling people they’ve done nothing wrong can and does lead to those problems manifesting in new ways.

Ultimately, at the core of all of this is the need for open, honest and compassionate communication, to be able to say that, in spite of all of this, you are still worthy of love and acceptance. You have people who want you to get better, but you also need to be better to yourself. Not focusing on your pain, you problems, or how  unhappy you are with life, but asking what you can do to fix it all and how you can get better. And also understanding that growth takes time and, while you might stumble and make mistakes, it’s important to keep moving forward regardless. Be good to others and to yourselves- that’s my advice for living your best life.

If none of this has been clear in the story so far or if I’ve given the impression of something else, then I apologize and will try and make that more clear in the future. I understand that not everyone has had my experiences or been where I or these characters have been, and I hope this has made my position more transparent to you.

Also, apologies for talking about this for so long, but this kind of story is important to me personally and I’d like to reach out to others so they can understand that.

[punkscowardschampions]

Chloé & James

Chloé: So Chloé: Where did you meet Emma? James: I have no idea who that is Chloé: Don't insult my intelligence James: I'm not Chloé: Then tell me where you met her James: why? James: what actual difference does it make Chloé: Of course it makes a difference Chloé: She isn't from 'round here, she has no mutual friends James: what you mean is, you don't know her Chloé: Exactly Chloé: so tell me Chloé: how the hell do you James: online, okay? Chloé: Perhaps a new level of tragic Chloé: So you hooked up Chloé: tell her to stop sending you stuff now James: I'm sure you already have Chloé: She's not responding James: maybe she's planning to ghost me first Chloé: This isn't funny, James Chloé: You at least had the decency to pretend to feel guilty before James: you had the decency to pretend to love our children before James: or at least one of them Chloé: You were testing me that night Chloé: that's hardly relevant to your promiscuity James: isn't it? James: I'm unhappy, Chloé, you make me unhappy Chloé: I'm not cheating on you with some bitch called Emma Chloé: I'm unhappy, I have right to be! James: because you don't like girls, not out of any loyalty to me Chloé: Ugh! Chloé: Stop it and stop it James: no Chloé: I swear to GOD James: I said no Chloé: It's not a request Chloé: you have to James: & you're going to follow through with that threat how? James: you're yet to stop me cheating Chloé: I could post these pictures James: if you want all your friends to know the ins & outs of our relationship, we can just have them over Chloé: You can't just Chloé: do whatever you want James: I know I can't & I'm not Chloé: What do you call this then? James: I'm still here Chloé: You have nowhere else to be Chloé: We have nowhere else James: how can you not care that I'd rather be anywhere else? James: with anyone else Chloé: I'm telling you to stop Chloé: How is that not caring James: because of your actual motivations James: it's never for the right reason Chloé: If you're doing this to make me fight for you or something Chloé: you need to get a grip James: that's the last thing I want James: how many times, let me go Chloé: Where, James? Chloé: Where do you think you're going James: I'd honestly rather live with my sister than you Chloé: Grow up Chloé: You have kids Chloé: they aren't going anywhere James: you go then Chloé: Oh I wish I could James: I'm not stopping you, the girls are fine here with me Chloé: Because I can just go without my kids Chloé: what would people say James: that you've finally done the right thing? Chloé: No everyone would call me selfish and a bad mother because I can't do anything without them attached to me James: & yet you never take them anywhere, so by that logic surely it's already being said Chloé: It isn't the same Chloé: I can't just leave James: you're saying that I should grow up but you won't do a single thing that's genuinely right by them James: this isn't going to last forever, you know Chloé: I look after them day after day Chloé: how is that not right James: that's me or your mother Chloé: you're just like her Chloé: always trying to make me feel bad about myself James: because you do bad things Chloé! Chloé: You act like I lock them in cupboards James: if you're not going to own up to what you've actually done, we have nothing really to say to each other Chloé: No this is a conversation about what you've done Chloé: stop trying to turn it on me James: okay, let's talk about me James: what exactly do you think is going to happen if I 'grow up' & fall for one of the girls I hook up with? Chloé: I've told you Chloé: you'll never see those kids again Chloé: if you make me look like an idiot James: you keep saying it like you can just make it happen Chloé: I could James: no, they're my daughters too Chloé: Are they James: yes James: you repeat that bullshit all you want, but my name is on their birth certificates, both of them Chloé: Why can't you just Chloé: this is our lives Chloé: you need to deal with it Chloé: you've got no other plan, no other options James: it's not the life I want for myself or for them Chloé: Well life isn't fair Chloé: you'll need to accept that if you have any hope of teaching them James: I'm not teaching them to accept misery James: for god's sake! Chloé: You live in a dream world James: you do if you think I'm staying here or letting them Chloé: What right do you to take them from me? James: what right do you have to threaten it when you don't even want them? Chloé: Because I have them Chloé: they aren't going to disappear and I don't get a clean slate James: I'm going to file for divorce, this has to end Chloé: No Chloé: no Chloé: I won't sign it or Chloé: whatever it is, I won't James: then don't, it won't just disappear either Chloé: You can't do this James: I have to, because I can't live like this Chloé: Jay isn't yours Chloé: I really mean it James: stop lying to me Chloé: I'm not! James: you can't say she's not mine every time you don't want her to be Chloé: Why would I just say her Chloé: I mean it, you do this and you will regret it James: because you know you can Chloé: don't believe me Chloé: it's your funeral James: prove me wrong, if you're so sure she's not mine Chloé: How? James: I'll spit into a tube or swab my cheek or however you wanna do it Chloé: If you think I'm going to let you divorce me Chloé: take my kids Chloé: and tell everyone I'm some kind of slut Chloé: no Chloé: this isn't happening Chloé: I'm not moving back in with my parents Chloé: I'm not sharing custody with you and ferrying them back and forth Chloé: this isn't the life I'm going to have James: take the flat, I'll talk to my dad, I don't fucking want it Chloé: You don't get to leave me! James: you don't get to stop me, not any more Chloé: No, I'll leave you Chloé: and I'll tell everyone you were abusive Chloé: I'm not being left James: I said, go then Chloé: James, I'm being serious James: you think I'm not? Chloé: I could ruin you James: how? Chloé: Like I said, I could say you were abusive Chloé: anything James: you've got no evidence, what are you going to try & do, punch yourself in the face? Chloé: I'll tell you, about Jay Chloé: then what will you do? Chloé: you can't leave her with me but you'll have to James: stop it, Chloé James: I'll leave with both of them Chloé: I could kill myself James: don't say that Chloé: Then stay James: I can't Chloé: What am I going to do Chloé: Have you even thought about me James: you're going to be their mother James: we can work out a custody agreement Chloé: I don't want to James: well, there are no other options Chloé: where do you think you're going to go Chloé: you have to have a place James: tonight, we'll go to my parents James: if you want the flat then I'll get another Chloé: this is ridiculous Chloé: I'm sick of talking about this James: so call me when you do want to talk James: I just said where we'll be Chloé: No Chloé: I won't let you leave James: call the police if you want Chloé: You really want that? James: of course not Chloé: I can't do this James: please just talk to me James: we can make a plan Chloé: No, we can't Chloé: I don't want them Chloé: you said it yourself Chloé: I'm not raising them even half of the week alone Chloé: I won't James: you only have to see them when you want, if you don't want to I won't force you Chloé: I don't know where I'm going to go Chloé: what I'm going to do James: I don't know what I'm doing either, but I know what I'm not going to do & that's this Chloé: I'm calling my parents Chloé: I'll make them talk to yours Chloé: make you come back James: Chloé James: we're not 16 Chloé: This isn't fair James: you're the one who said life isn't James: you're upset, call your parents if you like, but it won't make me come back Chloé: You were meant to look after me Chloé: and you haven't James: I know I've let you down & I'm sorry Chloé: No you're not Chloé: you wouldn't do it if you were James: I don't want things to be like this James: I'm sorry that they are Chloé: Then fix it James: that's what I'm trying to do Chloé: For yourself Chloé: not me James: this will be better for you too Chloé: Ha Chloé: My life is totally over James: Oh come on James: you've said repeatedly how unhappy you are & how none of this is what you want Chloé: I don't want you to leave me Chloé: I'm going to look so Chloé: I can't even think about it James: fuck social media Chloé: Divorced at 23 Chloé: No one thought it would work Chloé: and it hasn't Chloé: who'll want me now James: I don't know James: but we don't want each other & it's never worked James: we shouldn't have let things escalate this much Chloé: Why did you James: because I wanted it to work Chloé: because you love me Chloé: you must of James: because I love Jay James: & I love Matilda Chloé: That's not a response James: I don't love you James: I don't want to hurt you but that's the reality Chloé: At least you're being honest James: I've always been honest Chloé: No you haven't Chloé: I could've found someone who loved me Chloé: Instead I had to marry you Chloé: you've wasted my time James: I never told you I did Chloé: It's assumed Chloé: you don't just marry someone without loving them Chloé: fucking hell, James James: you don't cheat on someone you love or treat them the way we've treated each other Chloé: I accepted being unhappy about a month or two in Chloé: Who do you think you are Chloé: You can cheat, you can do whatever Chloé: that's how people cope Chloé: you don't get to make a fool out of me James: I don't know who the fuck I am because of you Chloé: Blame me for not having a backbone, go on James: I James: no, there's nothing worth responding to that with Chloé: She'll dump you too, you know James: even if that were true it still doesn't mean I'll want to be with you Chloé: Women want real men Chloé: you come crawling back when you're done with this whole charade James: this is the charade, us Chloé: yeah? and you fucked this up Chloé: what good are you for anything real James: I'll never find out staying here

[jacobseedvaas35]

Befriended

(Chapter 6: Bad Parents)

Word Count: 1380

Jacob had Bella pressed up against the wall, her legs wrapped around him and his own hands resting on her ass, making her go up and down on his length. Her hands rested on her shoulder and let him take control of everything. She loved it when he was in control of the sex. It was the most amazing experience she ever had and she wasn't going to change any of it.

After a few more thrusts, Jacob and Bella both reached their ends. Bella wrapped her arms around Jacob's neck and hugged him tightly.

"You've made the last three weeks so enjoyable" Bella said. Yep, three weeks together as a couple who had sex almost every day and every where. Behind buildings, in the car park of her work place, in the middle of the woods, every where you could imagine. Was it too much? Yes but Jacob and Isabella didn't care. Bella would rather be in a relationship where it was constant sex then constant beating ups.

Jacob chuckled, then looked out the window to see two people standing in Isabella's drive way. "Looks like the next door neighbour has visitors" Jacob said and put Bella down.

She looked out the window and her happy mood was immediately changed to unhappy mood. "Fuck sake" she said and looked at Jacob.

"Parents?" Jacob asked and got a nod from Isabella.

"I want nothing to do with them"

"I'll handle it" Jacob said and got dressed.

"Or we can leave them alone and eventually they'll fuck off".

Jacob looked at Bella, sensing the anger inside her towards her parents. It was understanding, it was their fault that Bella got beaten up every day by her fiancé. All because they wanted his money.

"Ahh Bella, you still don't know me or who I am" Jacob said and kissed her on the forehead. "Trust me with this one".

"Trust you? Jacob, What did you do?" Bella asked. "Or what are you up to?"

"I'm getting my girlfriends revenge on the three people who made her life a living hell" Jacob explained. "I just need my girlfriend on my side".

Revenge on the three people she hates? And her new boyfriend is the one that is going to help her? He'll yeah. She wasn't going to pass on this opportunity. "Revenge is all I ever wanted on these people. Do you think I'm going to say no to you? Of course I'll be on your side Jacob".

"Good. Now play along" Jacob said and walked out off the bedroom. He walked outside and approached Bella's parents, "you looking for someone?".

The couple turned around and looked at Jacob, a little frightened when they saw him. "We are looking for the girl that lives here but doesn't look like she's home" the dad said.

"Isabella? Yeah she's home but this doesn't really qualify as her home anymore" Jacob said, with a smirk on his face.

"I don't understand" The mom seemed confused.

"She lives there at the moment" he said pointing at his house.

"But we were told that she lived her" the mom said again.

"Who are you?" The dad asked.

Jacob looked at the dad, with a smirk on his face.

"My boyfriend" Isabella said from behind Jacob, approaching the three people. "What are you two doing here?".

"Isabella. How are you my child?" Her mother asked and tried to approach her but was stopped by Bella.

"Don't come here acting like this toward me" Bella snapped. "What do you both want?"

Her parents looked at each other, then looked back at Bella. "Mark called us. He said he found you and tried to make things up with you but things went bad".

"Make things up" Jacob said laughing at the same time. "Beating up someone doesn't really classify as "making things up". Please. If I didn't come to your daughter's aid, she probably would have been dead".

"Ahh So you're the guy that bashed our son in law?" The dad said, walking on top of Jacob but regretted it the moment Jacob walked onto him.

"Son in law?" Bella yelled. "He isn't your son in law anymore".

"Please Bella, give him another chance" her mother said.

"Piss off. Get off my fucking lawn before I arrest you for trespassing" Bella started getting fired up. "And for the record, Mark and I will never ever happen again. You see this guy, his my boyfriend now. He treats me like a princess and is gentle with me. He loves me. I would not give this man up for someone like Mark. If you love him so much, then why don't you both marry him. Now get lost!".

"You heard the lady, get going" Jacob added, staring her father down scaring him in the process.

"Come on Jacob" Bella said, grabbing his hand and walking back to his house.

-

The next day, Jacob requested to meet with the sheriff while Bella was at work. He needed to talk to the Sheriff and warn him about everything. They met up at the pizza joint in Henbane River, cause it was close to the Jail.

"Morning Jacob. How are you?" Sheriff Whitehorse shook his hand.

"Morning Sheriff. Thank you for coming"

"Seems like it's very important, seeing that you couldn't come to the prison"

"Not with Bella there. I needed to talk to you very privately"

"What is this about?"

"Her parents and ex-fiancé. They've come to Hope County with bad intentions. Isabella is terrified but she's trying to put on a brave face. I can see the fear in her and I'm scared for her now" Jacob explained.

"That's not good. What do you have in plan?" The Sheriff asked, knowing that something was going through Jacob's mind.

Jacob sighed and looked down at the table, "For the first time in my life, I'm scared Sheriff. I'm really scared for Bella's life. Her ex-fiancé looks like he has come to finish his work off. I'm worried that if he gets a hold of Bella, he is going to kill her".

"Really? Shit, that bad huh?" The Sheriff became worried as well.

"I need to keep them away from her and putting them in prison isn't going to happen, seeing that they haven't committed any crime" Jacob looked up at the Sheriff and sighed again. "I need my Veterans Centre back".

"Jacob"

"Sheriff I promise you, I won't go back to my old ways but I need that place to keep them away from Isabella. I'm begging you, it's only for Bella" Jacob tried his best to convince the sheriff. "I want a future with Bella but I'm afraid that it won't happen, if I don't do something about these people".

The Sheriff thought about it for a moment, taking in everything Jacob said. If a man like Jacob was afraid for Isabella's life, then something was really up. "How bad are these people Jacob? You're worrying me a lot. Is Isabella really in that much danger?".

"With her ex-fiancé out there somewhere, yes she is in really bad danger. He's been following her since she moved to Hope County and I'm certain that he still is"

"Ok. I'll give you the Veterans Centre back but under one condition" the Sheriff said. "I want to be part of the torture of her family and ex-fiancé?"

"You've got yourself a deal Sheriff" Jacob accepted. "By the way, I know yours and Isabella's secret".

"Secret? What secret?" Sheriff Whitehorse hesitated.

"I know that you are the one that made Isabella get close me" Jacob said, smiling a cheeky smile.

"I don't know what you are talking about Jacob" the sheriff said nervously.

"Just admit it Sheriff. You made Isabella get close to me and I'm not even angry about it".

"Really?"

"Yes And I'm glad you did Sheriff. She's been the best thing to happened to me, in my 47 years of life. So please, help me protect my girl".

With those words, the Sheriff nodded and accepted to help Jacob. The two men stood up and shook hands, before going their separate ways. The Sheriff went back to work, while Jacob stayed in Henbane River to wait for Bella to finish her shift.