#she thinks she’s the worst when I love her so much and I wish she could see that

[silhouetteonpaper]

Thanksgiving

Summary: It was your first Thanksgiving with Natasha. Actually, it was your first Thanksgiving ever. And to make matters worse, you were meeting her parents for the first time. Would this be the best or the worst first Thanksgiving ever? Natasha Romanoff x Reader (Alexei, Melina, and Yelena appearances) WC: 3,019 Warnings/Themes: Fluff, slight angst, mentions of kidnapping and experimenting, drinking alcohol A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you enjoy this special fic <3

Thanksgiving was right around the corner, or at least thats what Natasha was saying. She was eager to see her family after so long, and share a classic American meal on the lovely holiday. You hadn’t met any of her family, but you’d heard so much about them. Melina, her headstrong mother, Alexei, her stubborn Father, and Yelena, her hilarious sister. The way she talked about them always reflected a little piece of Natasha herself, you were almost shocked to hear they weren’t her biological family.

But that didn’t matter, not to her. They were the only family she knew, and she was looking forward to celebrating yet another holiday season with them. And this time, with you. You wished you had any sort of family; a mother who could've taught you how to sort your laundry, or even an uncle who could tell jokes that would’ve made you laugh. But you knew of none, especially after the tragedy that occurred when you were small.

Entire buildings blown up, your childhood apartment shattered into a million pieces you never realized wouldn’t be reconstructed. Sly faces swooping in to your rescue, their evil plans hidden from an unsuspecting toddler. Their intentions didn’t matter, as there was no one to protect you anymore. Your parents likely passed in the bombing, but all the details were so hazy. Sometimes you wondered if it was all fabricated after spending years in captivity. Maybe you needed a reason to think your parents didn’t give you up, that they didn’t do it by choice.

“Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving?” Natasha asked from the next room over. Right, thanksgiving was tomorrow. You weren’t back in the destroyed building, or being taken to the next facility for experimentation. You were safe with Natasha.

You hadn’t celebrated Thanksgiving before, and the idea sounded a little too perfect to you. Sitting with those you loved most to relay all that you’re thankful for? That was the kind of stuff you could only dream of. In a perfect life, you’d actually have more to be thankful for. “No.” You responded from your spot on the couch. Natasha had described the food, from homemade stuffing to a perfectly cooked turkey. It sounded delicious, but that wasn’t what you were worried about.

Her family was daunting. Not because they were bad people, but because they were nice. What if they thought you were a bad influence? What if they disagreed with Natasha’s choice to be in a relationship with such a broken soul? You’d only been with her for a year, leaving you to constantly question the foundation of your relationship often.

The Avengers had saved you from the facility after hearing word of all the children captive. But you weren’t a child when they found you, more a brainwashed adult stuck in the system due to being raised there. Advanced in not only combat, but also the interworking of the large corporation, the entire team decided to take you in as their own. Your knowledge of the company helped them take it down once and for all, a huge feat that would prevent more children from being taken from their families.

You were scared at first, in the large compound with all these superheroes. They had so much experience doing good, and you could barely remember the last time you held the door for someone. It took a lot of time to deprogram your mind, all the years of negatives pounded into you like they were the truth. Being told you were worthless, only a weapon to be used on the facility’s whim. That you weren’t allowed to feel, because that would be weak.

Throughout the entire process, Natasha was the one who stayed by your side. She had expressed a time when she went through something similar, which was partially why she felt inclined to help you so much. But after you two got to know each other as people and not as weapons of mass destruction, you saw just how much you had in common. It was only a few months later you two were official, and the entire team was in support of it.

Your progress was coming along nicely, and there was even the chance to join a few missions. Being a superhero was like a dream come true; you were given a second chance after all that happened, your life was truly beginning. But as cities across the world became safer and safer, the Avengers were called upon less and less. The team decided there wasn’t a huge need for a structured, ready-to-pounce battalion. You could all go your separate ways if you so pleased. Natasha felt ready to leave the compound, and you agreed that would be best. The idea of living alone with her was desirable, and after you became comfortable with the life you were living it was finally time to make that change.

But you hadn’t realized just how different a normal life would be. The apartment Natasha purchased was perfect. Two bedrooms—one converted into an office for all of the leftover Avengers gear—the perfect place for you both to start a life. That didn’t just mean living alongside Natasha, it meant picking out couches and bed frames and even kitchen towels. You were starting to question if it was truly the dream life, sitting in front of a computer all day and adding things to your cart.

The online shopping was the easiest bit; being so close to Natasha was the hardest. You couldn’t hide in your own room anymore, not like at the compound. You couldn’t go sit on the roof and watch the stars when you felt the need to run away, because Natasha would easily be able to find you. She had picked up on those certain habits at the compound eventually, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to have the space. In the small apartment, it grew harder to take that distance for yourself when you needed it most.

Natasha was extremely understanding, though, and was more than willing to go out for the evening so you could have some alone time. Eventually, you both got into a rhythm that allowed for the perfect amount of time together and apart.

You quickly learned about holidays, and what ones Natasha celebrated. Easter wasn’t really her thing, but you all were invited to Tony’s easter party where he set up an egg hunt for everyone—including his daughter. Fourth of July was fun; Natasha took you to a park where you sat and watched the fireworks late at night. And now, you were hearing just how great thanksgiving would be.

“You’re nervous, aren’t you.” Natasha walked out into the kitchen, her soft voice bringing you back to the present. It was so easy to get caught up in the past, but she was always there to ground you.

“What gave it away?” You smiled, standing to meet her in the kitchen. She was prepping a raspberry chocolate cake, apparently one she makes every year. You hugged her from behind, wrapping your arms around her waist as she began to stir a few ingredients together. She lightly pressed kiss to your forehead.

“I promise, they will love you. If they don’t want you to move in with them by the end of the night, I’ll be surprised.” Natasha laughed, your worried expression falling. They were kind people, they’ll be understanding of who you are. After all, their own daughter did go through something similar. For now, you just needed to try and relax before the big introduction tomorrow. And luckily, helping Natasha bake would surely make your anxieties lessen.

—————

The car rolled along the rough road, bumping over each rock and dip as Natasha drove further into the secluded neighborhood. Only a few houses were dotted around, leaving the area quiet and peaceful as you watched from the passenger-side window. Maybe you were exuding nervous energy, because Nat’s hand quickly rested on your leg as she slowed in front of the charming house.

“Remember, you are perfect. You don’t need to act a certain way to please them, they’ll love you for you.” She spoke while putting the car in park. You nodded, eyeing the home before you. It wasn’t anything large, but it had an inviting feeling. The paneled exterior was accented with deep woods, and of course lots of plants. You were almost jealous you didn’t live in a house like this.

Natasha grabbed the cake from the backseat as you slowly shut the passenger door. In your reluctant state, you let her lead to the front door of the house. Before she could even knock, the door swung open.

“Natasha!” Melina—you assumed—jumped out onto the front porch with open arms. She wasted no time admiring the cake, asking Nat a million questions before the redhead could even say hello herself.

“And who is this?” Alexei, a gruff man with a large smile asked with his eyes pointed toward you. Swallowing thickly, you introduced yourself and held out a hand to shake. He didn’t accept it, and rather pulled you into the tightest hug you’d ever felt. “So good to have you here. Natasha has told us all about you.” All about you? Did they all know about your troubled past?

There was no time to dwell on the details as Melina practically shoved you inside. “Let me take your jacket, here,” Her hands made quick work of pulling off your coat, nearly distracting you from the blonde bounding down the stairs.

“Sestra!” She exclaimed, her accent making you smile as it matched Melina’s and Alexei’s. Yelena, Natasha’s sister you’d heard so much about. After she hugged her sibling, her eyes turned to you. “I see why Natasha took such a liking to you.”

“Hey!” Nat interjected, hitting Yelena playfully. The two tussled, leaving you to take in the interior of the cozy house. There was a fireplace lit in the living room, worn couches telling stories of the many people who relaxed on their woven threads. A wooden dining table, etched with fork and knife marks from all the times someone slammed their fists down in anger. And the kitchen, where Melina was displaying the chocolate cake on a stand amidst the field of other Thanksgiving dishes.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Here, let me get you a glass. You must be starving—“ You didn’t have any time to answer, as Melina was already pouring you a glass of wine.

“Thanks.” You breathed as she handed it to you.

“Don’t suffocate her.” Natasha smiled, wrapping an arm around you as she watched her mom smother. Although overwhelming, something about it made you smile too.

“Yeah, Natasha already does that enough.” Yelena chimed in, earning yet another punch to the arm from her sister. The playful banter between family members was something you could definitely get used to. Watching as Natasha quipped back and forth with Yelena made you wish you had a sibling of your own, but you knew Nat was more than willing to share.

Melina was flitting about the kitchen, tending to various different dishes before she even realized you were all still standing. You didn’t mind though, as Alexei was already regaling everyone on his last adventure out West. “Oh, everyone, please sit!” She gestured to the set table, complete with flowers freshly picked from the garden.

Natasha sat beside you on one side of the table, Alexei taking the head, and Yelena sitting opposite you. The blonde wasted no time pouring herself a glass of clear liquid. Vodka; although the label was in Russian, it was easy to tell what mysterious liquid sat in side. She downed the glass in seconds, making your eyes widen. Speaking of Russian, you noticed just how much of the house was filled with culture from the other side of the ocean. Books reading in different languages, foods you had yet to try being prepared on the counter, and Natasha’s stories of her home country she used to tell you in passing. The pieces of all these people’s pasts were collected, built into a new form all within the walls of the house.

You wished your apartment was the same; shelves full of tales from your country of origin, recipes passed down from generations you could cook as you pleased—but unfortunately, you had no idea where you came from. “Dinner is served!” Melina called out, lifting a large turkey onto the table.

Everyone dug in as Melina brought more and more food to the table. Eventually, she sat down and joined in the fun, everyone reaching to grab spoonfuls of mouth-watering dishes for their plates. You quickly followed, taking anything that looked enticing… which was pretty much everything.

“So, tell us about yourself. You like to Avenge, eh?” Alexei questioned while bitting into a forkful of food. You chuckled, nodding.

“I do, but the team's on a hiatus for now. Seems the world isn’t in much need of saving these days.” You glanced at Natasha, who smiled. Knowing the world was safe without the Avengers was relieving for the both of you.

Alexei, on the other hand, slapped his fist on the table. “There is always work to be done, ah! No aliens invading town these days?” You weren’t sure if he was asking or just talking to himself, so you shrugged.

“Luckily it’s been pretty calm. We’re always on call if anything happens, though.” You respond. 

Melina was beaming, her eyes glued to you as she took a sip of her wine. “And how did you join the team? Any superpowers we should know about before you blast a hole into these walls?” She laughs. You don’t match her joking tone, instead looking at Natasha once more. She hadn’t told them how you came to be an Avenger. Was that a conversation you should be starting so soon?

You knew this family had been through hell and back, so maybe it wasn’t the worst idea to tell them. Still, you treaded lightly. “Well, the Avengers rescued me from a facility a little while back.” You cleared your throat awkwardly. “I was trained in combat there, so they thought I could be an asset to the team.”

Yelena nearly interrupted, her voice flowing with curiosity. “Was it like the Red Room? Wait, Nat, you didn’t tell me she was rescued from a place like the Red Room!” Natasha shot her a glare, leaving Yelena to hold up her hands and hide back behind her meal. You swallowed, taking another breath. A part of you was entertained by Yelena’s curiosity; no one cared that you were a different person before the Avengers, it just seemed they were glad you were here now.

“Uh, kinda of,” You tilted your head. “A similar organization, I guess. Anyways, Natasha helped me get back on my feet, and the rest is history.” You turned to smile at Nat, who of course was already smiling at you.

The rest of the evening went surprisingly well. No one pressed about your past any further, they were mostly interested in your present. Things you liked to do, dates Natasha had taken you on, and any empty space was filled with another one of Alexei’s stories. You learned a lot about Nat and her family, too. How Yelena had a dog back at home, and how Melina had pet pigs. It was an eclectic group of people you were grateful to be beside.

Grateful. Maybe you did have a lot to be grateful for after all. Natasha, her welcoming family, a wonderful life with people you loved. Just over a year ago that all seemed like an unobtainable dream, but today you were living it.

As Melina prepared take-home plates for you and Natasha, you both started to say your goodbyes. “Come by anytime, with or without Natasha.” Alexei hugged you again, nearly squeezing out all the food you just ate.

“You have to come back for Christmas!” Yelena exclaimed, giving you a side-hug. You nodded, looking forward to yet another holiday with the bunch.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? It’s so dark out.” Melina asked for the fifth time as she handed her daughter the plate of leftovers.

Natasha chuckled, hugging her mother. “We’re sure. I’ll see you soon.” And just like that, you two were leaving with plates stacked full of food and hearts full of love. But there was something beneath all the warmth that enveloped you, something tugging at you that was impossible to ignore.

As Nat pulled the car out of the driveway, you couldn’t help but burst into tears. She was taken by surprise, but immediately pulled over onto the dirt. The unknown emotion was bubbling out of you, each sob releasing something you didn’t realize you were holding. Natasha didn’t rush you, she didn’t question it. She just placed her hand on your thigh, moving it up and down until you were ready to talk.

“I want to have a home like that.” You suddenly spoke, damp eyes looking straight into Natasha’s with desire. Not necessarily a desire for her, but for the life you could have with her.

“What, loud and cluttered? Sure, if that’s what you want.” She joked, well aware her parent's house was filled to the brim with random collections and strewn relics.

“No,” You interjected, serious tone unwavering. “I want to fill our home with our lives. Books that explain our past, belongings passed down from family and friends, furniture collected from our travels. Proof that people with a story to tell live within its walls.” Your words leave Natasha speechless, the hand on your thigh suddenly stopping its movement. She never considered that you two didn’t have many belongings to begin with. She never realized that many homes had a meaning behind each decoration, each embellishment. And in that moment, she completely understood your desire.

“Then let’s create that story together.” Natasha’s lips found yours, and suddenly, you weren’t worried anymore.

[ferhog]

I WISH I could cheer at this moment like so many have, but I was only ever confused.

Maddie's character was so insignificant that her biggest impact was basically as two memes. "This girl is too naive to know what martial law is." and "This girl is a homewrecker!" and the prominence of the latter is what I think is the only reason anyone took that much joy in her shooting herself in the head, but I felt almost nothing because I was wondering throughout the whole scene who Maddie was supposed to be when she went from someone discouraging Caitlyn from being influenced by Ambessa to someone who would salute Ambessa before coldly shooting (And according to a freeze-frame bonus SADISTICALLY SMILING?!) as she executes Caitlyn. Credit to @kaban-bang for saying on BlueSky that she's basically just Hans from Frozen. The seemingly nice false love-interest who turns out evil because we need to wrap this plot up.

While increasing her role into a fully developed character would have been the best thing, a change I wish they'd made with minimal screentime changes would be to make her the DEVIL on Caitlyn's shoulder instead of the apparent angel, by basically making her all the worst things a portion of the fandom perceives Caitlyn as (Staunch defender of Queenlyn Kiramman that I am, but going into detail on that would be a whole other post). She could start out as the same seemingly good-hearted enforcer but once she actually goes down to Zaun a condescending disdain for its people is gradually unearthed, leading to her giving full support of Noxian-backed martial law and trying to ENCOURAGE Ambessa's influence in Act 2, making the way Caitlyn was ultimately characterized as trying to do what she thought was best for everyone in these tense circumstances more apparent as she tries to resist the encouragment of both her mentor and her lover. And then for maximum love-triangle catharsis Maddie could have actively expressed seeing Vi as beneath her and especially unworthy of Caitlyn. She deserves to be with Caitlyn as a loyal enforcer from the right side of the river, not some street trash Caitlyn found in a jail cell.

Basically if she was Cal from Titanic instead of Hans from Frozen THEN I would have found catharsis enough to cheer at her over-the-top death, instead of asking "Who even was this girl?"

[annaphoenix1994]

Vague History

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

»»-------¤-------««

With alien dryness irritating her eyes, Kiera slowly sat up in the bed, slowly realizing that it was now dusk. Have I been asleep that long? 

Seeing that Simon wasn't next to her, she began to wonder what had happened between the time Malcolm had come to the ranch and when she had gotten home, remembering that she was distraught about one of the many war stories she had told her father, except this one was the worst. Sighing, she forced herself to exit the bed, her mouth dry and her stomach growling for something to be inside of it. 

Almost as soon as she made it to the bedroom door, Simon was walking her direction with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a can of Dr. Pepper in the other. Oh, babe, you're speaking a love language doing that, she smiled to herself. "Since when do you eat popcorn?"  

"I asked you if you wanted some when I got up, love," He replied, his brows furrowing at her confusion. "I asked if you wanted anything when I got up and you said popcorn and one of these. Figured I'd put on a movie while you were sleeping." 

"Oh." She said, looking to the floor as her mind swarmed for an answer as to when she asked him for popcorn. 

"Do you not remember?"

She shook her head and rolled her shoulders in search of relief, sighing as Simon set the bowl of popcorn on the foot of the bed as well as the can of soda, frowning at the bags under her eyes and how red they stayed from her time of shedding tears. "Are you alright, love?" He asked, cupping her cheeks and locking his eyes with hers. He knew immediately that she was still dwelling on the past, wishing he hadn't asked if she was okay knowing that she would think about the struggles she was battling within her own head. 

"Y-Yeah," She replied, nodding her head that was still nestled in his hands. "How long was I asleep?"

"A good few hours. You needed it and more," He assured her. "I've been up for an hour." 

"Shit," She grumbled, shaking her head. "I should go down and feed the horses-"

"Don't worry about it. I did it." 

"You did? You? Mister I don't like horses?" She breathed a giggle. 

"Never said I didn't like them," He grinned. "I just don't like how they make my, you know, feel after I get off." 

"Well, I wouldn't know what that feels like, but thank you." 

"You're welcome, love. I need the experience." 

"Why?" 

"Because if I'm in your life, so is your livestock," He shrugged. "I'm here for all of it, sweetheart." 

He watched her blush, noticing how she leaned closer to him to press her head against his chest, inhaling his warm and inviting scent - something she was eager to wake up to for the rest of her life. His arms wrapped around her, kissing the top of her head as her grip on him was of something that reminded him of reassurance. He knew she was hurt in the worst way possible. 

Her state of mind. 

Which he was all-too familiar with. 

"What time is it?" He heard her mumble into his chest, enjoying his warmth too much to lean back and check the time herself. 

"A quarter past nine, love." He replied, his thumb rubbing the small of her back. She nodded, forcing herself to pull back to go to the bathroom and proceed with her usual routine. 

"I'm going to freshen up." 

"I figured that's what you were doing." 

She turned to look at him from the bathroom, a toothbrush in her hand and a confused look on her face, "What else would I be doing?" 

A sly smirk splayed across his face, "Well, considering you didn't know where you were when I woke you up, I figured you were thinking the bed was in there." 

She scoffed, rolling her eyes as she watched him lay on his side of the bed, his arm behind his head as he crossed his ankles. "Might have to eventually get a new bed. Your feet are about to drape off the end of it." She poked. 

"No, it's because you have thirty pillows on here." He replied, turning on the television. 

"Can't help it. Especially when it feels like I'm sleeping on a rock." She retorted, referring to his muscled chest. 

"That's why you sleep up against me every night, yeah?" 

"Because if I don't, you'll be upset." 

"Keep telling yourself that, love," He chuckled, putting a piece of popcorn in his mouth. "I just won't cuddle you anymore if that's the case-"

"No," He watched her pout, thinking it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. "I was just playing." 

"So was I," He smirked. "Or was I?" 

He knew he was helping distract her from her haunting thoughts, hoping it was helping as he did the same thing with Johnny when he was nervous while being isolated at times during a mission, always being the one to tell jokes over the comm to help keep him from feeling truly alone. 

He browsed around on her Netflix account, not finding anything of interest until he felt Kiera's presence closing in on him, feeling her move to where she was on top of him before going to nestle herself into his side, the smell of fresh mint on her breath and coconut dry shampoo in her hair. 

Naturally, her palm rested on his chest, ignoring the smell of popcorn but unable to resist the urge to drink the Dr. Pepper he had brought for her, waiting a few moments before sitting up to reach for it on the side table and moving to sit indian-style on the bed. "What're we watching?" 

"You tell me, love. I don't watch movies." He sighed, the remote resting on his stomach as he looked at the back of her head before glancing down to her back, imagining how well her skin was healing from the grafts. 

"Don't put that decision in my hands," She giggled. "I like watching scary movies. What about you?" 

"Don't ever recall watching one," He shrugged. "I told you - I don't watch movies." 

"Never seen a scary movie?" She smirked, looking over her shoulder. 

"No."

"Too scared?" 

He scoffed, placing his hand on the small of her back, "I can handle being in an active warzone being shot at and bombs going off, but watching a scary movie is where I draw the line." He retorted in a sarcastic tone.

"I know of something that does scare you." 

"Well, please tell me so I can know when I should hide under the bed." 

She smiled, setting the can of Dr. Pepper aside before nestling herself against his side, the familiar warmth of her mint-tinted breath drawing his face to look at her. "You were scared of loving me." 

He sighed, pulling her closer to his chest as he broke his gaze to look up at the ceiling, his eyes dazing in thought. "No I wasn't." 

"Mhm." She teased.

"I was afraid of losing you." 

His words caught her attention, Simon feeling her head straighten to look at him, knowing that the conversation was not teasing like it was prior. 

This was serious. 

"Why?" 

"I've experienced plenty of loss in my life, Kiera, but I've never been in love," He sighed, the thoughts of his mother, brother and nephew entering his mind, wishing they were still around for her to meet, knowing his mother would absolutely adore Kiera. Briefly, he thought about how Kiera would interact with his nephew, eager to see her motherly instincts. "I couldn't help the way I felt when you and I got close, but I wanted to push you away." 

She hummed in question. 

"Because everybody I kept close to me was taken." his breathing shuddered, having a sense that she was about to ask why, but to his surprise, she didn't.

Which was one thing he was appreciative about - her patience with him. 

"I'm sorry." She frowned, the pads of her fingers feathering against his sternum, soon feeling his hand covering hers. 

"Nothing to be sorry about, love. It's not your fault as to why my life is so fucked up." 

She didn't reply, truly having nothing to say as she knew her reply would spark nothing but a negative comment back. "I don't think your life is fucked up, Simon." 

"Believe me, it is," He sighed, bringing her palm up to his lips. "But you've kept me distracted from it. Although I'm reminded of it every night when I try to sleep." 

"I understand that." She replied, recalling her own nightmares. 

"I know." 

Her brows furrowed, "Do... Do I keep you up?"

"Sometimes," He replied. "But it doesn't bother me. I'm surprised I don't keep you up, but considering you sleep like a rock, I'm not surprised." 

She giggled, "Well, I'm sorry if I keep you up." 

"It's nothing to worry about," He sighed. "Are you going to pick a movie or not?" He poked. 

"I just might." 

She ended up picking "The Conjuring", the movie being one that genuinely freaked her out, but she wasn't going to let Simon know that, although she could tell that he was weirded out by the doll in the beginning, stating that he'd "sling it through the wall" if he ever got a doll like that as a gift. 

She couldn't blame him.

Her palm stayed on his chest, rubbing soothing circles against his shirt as he would be the one to drop a piece of popcorn in her mouth every now and then, enjoying her soothing touch as he felt the absence of it was enough to send him into emotional overdrive. If you only knew how much head over heels I am for you, love, he would think every time she made a comment about a particular scene in the movie, occasionally feeling her jump at random scenes. 

Once the popcorn was gone, leaving nothing but leftover kernels in the bottom of the bowl, Simon kept his mind busy by toying with her hand, his thumb rubbing her ring finger like he always did, except it was her opposite hand that splayed on his chest. 

Instead of focusing his attention to the movie, his eyes stayed fixated on the scars on her knuckles and the top of her hand, his finger grazing over them gently, wondering the story behind them. 

"That one was from a knife fight." She answered him, taking notice of how his fingers grazed her skin, keeping her eyes towards the television. 

"Hope he lost." 

She chuckled, "Oh, he did. Him and his buddy, too." 

He joined her in a laugh, tracing his finger over the next scar that was on the outside of her wrist. "That one was from another fight. Fell in some glass." 

"Ruthless," He sighed, looking over at her to place a warm kiss to her forehead, noticing a faint scar on her hairline. "How'd you get this one?" 

"My face met with a wall. Not my idea," She shook her head. "Thought that fucker had me, but I got my way out of it." She continued, running her hand across his chest, feeling the scar on his left pectoral he had already told her about, tracing it with her finger before her hand traveled to his side, feeling an abnormal dip that was invisible to the eye, but foreign to the touch. "What happened to get this one?" 

He sighed, covering her hand over his ribcage and moving it back to lay on his chest, "Another time, love." 

Truly, he didn't want to recall how he had matching indentions on either side of his ribcage, nearly wincing at the thought as he swore it was the worst pain he ever had to endure. 

"I-I'm sorry." She frowned, curling her fingers into her palm, afraid to continue.

"It's okay, that's a story for another day," He assured her, keeping his haunting thoughts at bay before giving her his full attention to distract himself. "How long is left of this movie?" He asked, changing the subject.

"I'd say an hour," She sighed. "Although I probably won't make it 'til the end of the movie." 

"You need to rest," He said blankly. "We can always turn it off-"

"It's whatever you decide. Not like you're going to make it through to the end of the movie anyway with how heavy those eyelids look." 

»»-------¤-------««

Malcolm sat on his leather sofa, enjoying a glass of Wild Turkey as his enraged mind was desperate to distract his adrenaline from earlier. Loosening the bolo tie from around his neck, he began to wonder where he took his wrong turn in life, causing him to not only lose his marriage as well as rights to see his child, but also getting himself into yet another line of fire after coming home from the failed mission in Mexico. 

Unlike Kiera, Malcolm liked to rethink the times he had in battle, a smirk toying on his face as he would replay his best kills in his mind, taking pride in it.

Even though some of those kills were with ally forces. 

Licking his lips free of leftover bourbon, he peered down to his ringing phone, sighing at the caller ID before answering. "Yeah?" 

"It's been a few days, Malcolm," Shepherd scolded over the phone, a weight in his voice - clear that he was aggravated. "What's going on?" 

"Things like this take time, General. But it's not going easy, that's for sure." 

"What do you mean?" 

Malcolm sighed, "She found out I flew the plane, General. That's what I mean." 

A brief pause. 

"I need you to clarify." 

"I don't know how much clearer I can get," Malcolm scoffed. "She found out the plane was yours and that I flew it. She paid me a visit at my office the other day." 

"I'm afraid this is a problem that needs to be taken care of rather quickly," Shepherd grit. "I'm going to send you someone. And when he gets there, you two take care of it. Got me?" 

"Affirmative, but it's not going to be easy-"

"That's why I called you in the first place, Lieutenant," Shepherd corrected. "Do it like how I used to do in the service: send a message to the enemy, get them angry enough to come after you, then you demolish them at once." 

"Sounds tactical." Malcolm scoffed, knowing Shepherd's words were easier said than done. 

"It is tactical, son," Shepherd shouted. "I'm keeping this in your hands. Remember who you work for." He reminded, the words bringing realization to Malcolm that he couldn't just say no and back out due to Shepherd's blackmail on the Lieutenant, both of them being equally guilty in their career of war crimes, Malcolm's most recent being participating in the slaughter of the citizens of Las Almas on that rainy night, the thought chilling him to the bone every time it crossed his mind. 

"Yes, sir." 

"Good. Now that we're on the same page, do as I suggest. Send a message. Have her so mad and tearing at the seams to get to you, then take her out. It's that simple." 

It's really not, Malcolm thought, knowing exactly who he was about to fight against. I don't know who I dread fighting more: her or that boyfriend looming over her.

"I'll get to it first thing in the morning." 

"As soon as possible would be preferable, son. We don't have much time." 

Don't fucking call me that, Malcolm grimaced. "Who are you even sending me?" 

Shepherd breathed a laugh, "You'll see. Be sure to hit her where it hurts. Put some thought into this, Lieutenant. I've got your back." 

We'll see about that. 

[lylahammar]

I've been rewatching the first two seasons of The Bear so I can watch the third season that just came out and man the character writing in this show makes me froth at the mouth it's like some of the best arcs I've ever seen in a TV series

[strangerwheelerthings]

I don't know if it's because it's been too long since I last watched Stranger Things, but I genuinely don't remember a happy Nancy scene post Barb...

This is such an interesting thing to think about because it's not as if Nancy looks miserable in most scenes of the show. In fact, she often looks determined and occasionally excited even. She has smiled before, but excitement about progress in a case, something she's passionate about because of Barb, isn't necessarily happiness. So this is something you have to look beyond face value for.

Nancy suffers quite plainly with survivors guilt and with a lot of trauma. She isn't healed from what happened in Season One, and I don't think she even let herself really start until after season three. Not with so much unresolved. She also hasn't had the help she really needs either. However, Nancy has experienced happiness since Barb's death. There are moments she forgets. It’s only healthy that she's not so obessively mired in her misery that she can't have moments to breathe.

It's been a while since I've watched the show, too, so I can't say if there's a Jancy scene where she's just happy. Their get-together scene was very in the middle of Barb trauma, the wake up together scene is very stressed and rushed. Jonathan has been good to her, but all their scenes are a very mixed bag of emotions with happiness not really being the predominant one.

There are three small scenes from season four that come to mind. The first is Lucas's game. Nancy is quite genuinely proud and happy for Lucas in that moment of success. It's such a small shot, but it's one of a few scenes that show us that Nancy cares a whole lot more about Mike’s friends than she ever says.

The second is the scene with the dog, right before the plot plummets Nancy right back into her guilt complex. She's starting to live, and she lets herself be, for just a second, when she steps away from a murder investigation to just play with a dog. This is the first real evidence that her passion for her work is not just about Barb anymore.

The last scene is the officially friends scene with Robin. It's simply a moment of establishing connection, and both girls are just so warm in that moment. It's another sign of Nancy starting to actually heal. She's happy to have a new girl friend, not scared or guilty like she would have been before.

[scoliosisgoblin]

doodles and some lore. I'm tired.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

I always think about how in multiple episodes it's basically canon that Blanche is bi but considers dating women to be more hassle (which is a whole rabbit hole to go down - does she struggle with societal homophobia when she's with women? Has she only been with fellow high maintenance femmes when shes really after a Dorothy type? Has she internalized the idea that her attraction to women isn't 'real'? Her reaction to Clayton adds to these questions). Not to mention how this goes together with her relationships with the girls; making to kiss Rose that one time (and Rose multiple times seeming very aware of Blanche's proclivities), begging Dorothy for 'relief' and being convinced she's attracted to women too.

Yes, anon! It’s really interesting to delve into Blanche’s psyche about all this stuff!

I started writing down my thoughts and ended up with a long ramble -- allow me to place it all under a cut, so I don't clog up anyone's dash, haha.

Personally, I think she has some strong mental blocks when it comes to her sexuality because of the way she was brought up. I mean, she grew up in Atlanta approx in the 1930s/1940s — I’m sure I don’t have to detail the kind of casual bigotry she must have seen around her during her formative years! Just look at the story she recounts in S1E13 A Little Romance:

“Now, you have to understand that in those days in the South a lot of things were still taboo. Certain people were not to mix. So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret. Oh, we knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there’d be a terrible scandal.”

And all of this because Benjamin was a yankee… can you imagine what ‘the bigots in town’ thought about homosexuality? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Blanche learned to suppress that part of herself very early on. We know she turns to denial when she’s faced with uncomfortable truths and emotions she can’t deal with, so I think she likely just refuses to acknowledge that part of herself most of the time, and it only comes out (pun intended!) when she’s not paying much attention to things, or when there’s something more important going on. See the two examples you point out: when she tries to kiss Rose she’s concerned with not being kissed at midnight, and when she propositions Dorothy she’s, well… she’s desperate to get some, if we can be frank.

When she’s in a more rational state, her reactions tend to be more measured… but not by much. She does advise Rose not to date women (S3E10 The Audit):

“Oh, no, honey, don’t do that! No job is worth having to date women!”

But she’s also really flattered at receiving lots and lots of phone calls from women, after her appearance as a ‘lesbian’ on TV (S7E15 Goodbye, Mr Gordon):

“By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls.”

And of course we can’t forget her reaction to finding out that Jean has a crush on Rose in S2E5 Isn’t It Romantic?:

“Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it, I do not believe it! […] To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous! […] Now you tell me the truth: if you had to pick between Rose and me, who would you pick? Who?”

All of these are (likely) intended to be jokes about her vanity and her libertine nature (in the same way as Rose’s observations are), but considering a lot of the writers of this show were queer themselves, it wouldn’t seem strange to me if they were intentionally peppered in to suggest that Blanche might be a bisexual in denial. It certainly fits her character!

I haven’t spoken about her reaction to Clayton’s coming out yet, but that’s immensely interesting too, of course. I think Blanche has the same attitude towards homosexuality that I see in a lot of (mostly older) people in my Country nowadays: it’s fine as a general concept, but when it comes to her family (or, God forbid, herself) then the problems come out. See for example what she says about Jean:

“Well, I’ll never understand what Jean doesn’t see in the opposite sex, but if that makes her happy, that’s fine by me!”

Which isn’t a homophobic attitude at all! If anything, if you take her upbringing into account, it’s pretty accepting. But then, when Clayton comes out to her (S4E9 Scared Straight) and tells her he wants to get married (S6E14 Sister Of The Bride), this is what she says:

“Oh, Clayton, please be serious. You're just saying that so I won't set you up with any more women. […] Well, then you're saying it 'cause you're trying to get back at me for something. Clay, I know you too well for this. After all, I know it can't be true. You're my brother. […] Clayton Hollingsworth. You look me in the face and tell me you really are… what you just said you are.”

“I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.”

“[…] Dorothy, that's different. We're talking about going out in public. Oh, what are people gonna say?”

“Will you tell me why you want to put yourself and Doug through this? You know how people can be.”

“Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?”

Quite the difference from her attitude towards Jean, wouldn’t you say? I think there’s three elements at play here.

1) When Clayton comes out to Blanche, she feels disoriented because this is life-changing information Clayton has never shared with her before. While her reaction as a whole isn’t ideal, personally I think it’s understandable. Clayton is her baby brother; she’s known him as straight all his life, he’s been married to a woman for years before his divorce, and she recounts an episode from their adolescence when he was on a date with a woman and very clearly implicated having a physical encounter with her. He's done everything in his power to pass as straight until this point in time -- I don't find it strange that Blanche would be shocked at his coming out, especially given her upbringing (and the fact that this is set in the 80s! We can't expect modern sensibilities from the characters!). Once again, her reaction isn't the best (she can't even bring herself to say the word 'gay' at first...), but the shock per se isn't that surprising, imho.

2) Blanche is scared because of societal implications above all. She doesn't necessarily see being queer as something wrong, but she's been taught it's not socially acceptable and acts accordingly. Notice how she's worried about what people are going to say, and she struggles to accept that Clayton wants the whole world to know about his relationship with Doug.

Societal expectations in general are a big theme for Blanche's character, and often drive her development; another big example of this is her attitude towards Rebecca's decision to get artificially inseminated, but it's a bit of a baseline issue for her, I feel. She has this whole thing about her beauty and her (supposed) youth and her attractiveness that has some inherent elements, but it's mostly an issue of how other people perceive her, I think, and her response to her brother's coming out is easy to relate to this theme. I mean, she even says it to Rose in S7E15:

"Well, I don't mind being labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life."

So yeah. I think it's safe to say her main concern is societal disapproval of queerness: she wants to be accepted and celebrated by the people around her, and she thinks that being openly queer will destroy her place in her social circle (and she's worried about the same happening to Clayton too, of course).

3) This is sort of related to point 2, but it felt distinct enough to treat it separately. I think she might have reacted so badly to Clayton's coming out (and especially to his showing up with a partner) because he's open about his sexuality, and she's not ready to face what that means for her. My lovely mutual @\hecatesbroom recently published her latest amazing work the odd one(s) out, on the relationship between Dorothy and her brother Phil and how Phil's open queerness might have impacted Dorothy; I think a similar situation might have occurred between Blanche and Clayton after his coming out.

Blanche has a sort of advantage on Dorothy because of her bisexuality, in the sense that she has 'passing privilege' (I really dislike this concept, but allow me to use it to make a point): it's painfully clear that she loved her late husband with all her heart, and she's obviously attracted to men as well, so she can pretend not to like women without too much of a hassle (whereas, if you believe Dorothy to be a repressed lesbian, her situation is much more complicated).

The issue with this is that this 'advantage' is a double-edged sword: she might have the comfort of being socially acceptable, but she's had to suffocate a big part of herself to obtain that comfort. And so, what happens when Clayton -- her baby brother Clayton, the one who's always been just like her, who's grown up with her same environment and influences -- begins openly living as a gay man? I'm sure the situation must have had a strong impact on her, even if just on a subconscious level; I've always found it curious that she seems to have a harder time accepting Clayton in S6E14 than she does in S4E9 (she even calls his sexuality a phase), and while a part of it may be attributed to the higher social exposure Clayton's commitment to Doug brings, I think this may be a result of her inner conflict, provoked by watching her brother live openly while she's been suppressing a part of herself all her life.

Here I'm assuming she's never acted upon her attraction to women before, but there's some space to believe she has done so and has decided it's too much of a hassle, as you say -- likely because she'd for sure do it in secret, given her fear of societal condemnation. If she has been with women before, and decided to give up on it, I still think she'd be greatly impacted by Clayton's coming out: it means her baby brother is a) braver than she is, and b) going to openly face (and likely suffer because of) the same social issues she's run away from. In this lens, I find it interesting that she cautions him about how people can be, almost as if they've both experienced it.

Whew. Wow, this was a lot more than I'd originally meant to write, haha! Seems you sparked a big train of thought, anon! I think all of the Girls (with the possible exception of Sophia) are really fascinating to analyze with a queer lens, and Blanche is always interesting to me, of course. As a final note, I'd like to point out that she does come around to Clayton's sexuality and his relationship, in the end: as often happens, she just needs the Girls' help to put things back in perspective, understand she's hurting someone she loves, and correct her actions. I'd like to think living with the Girls might lead to her becoming more accepting of herself, too.

[scalproie]

Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[moonlite-sunshine]

So I’m rewatching and catching up on Doctor Who for the first time in like 6ish years so I can watch the new specials and like my favorite will always be Tennant, he was My Doctor blah blah but you know what, this rewatch reminded me how much I love 12, mainly his season with Bill.

Capaldi is such a great Doctor. He’s not always nice but he’s always kind and he loves so hard. He’s so funny and I love how he loves playing guitar and he has sonic sunglasses bc he’s just trying to have a good time, he may not be a kooky bow tie guy anymore but he’s still silly. Him and Bill are like best buds and I wish we’d had another season with them and even Nardole bc their relationship was just fun, there was no pre-destined or weird importance placed on her, she was just a normal person who loved learning and was kind and had good vibes. The best of humanity, the kind of person the Doctor takes along bc they remind him that people are important. Bill brought out the best in him and also GAY🦭 anyways his last words are so beautiful and I miss him

[cerealbishh]

"You get to see her understanding of how things really are. And so that becomes much more present on the surface. (...) In this season, we get to see her fall deeper in love with him but also navigate those challenges. And also becoming an anchor for Rhett but also struggling with his decision, 'Is this what I want for my future as well, as much as I love this man?'." - Isa in an interview with The Knockturnal(x)

[ningningkittie]

im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.

[burger-goblin]

.

[kidfoundonstreets]

mom may possibly take technology away again so watch out for that.

[mage-ical-character-person]

These are all So Important to me. Right now.

I’m just gonna put them here because I love them so much and probably ramble and gush in the tags okay? Okay!!

Unfortunately I can’t seem to find the Bo one except in this video (around 3:55)

Which is… unfortunate.

[whywoulditho]

vent