#she is fully informed of my pain and fatigue

[honeysbunchesofoats]

cooking all day with my mom

me: "I'm really tired and in a lot of pain, I need to sit down and rest"

my mom: "if *we* feel sore, imagine how grandma feels! she's 83 with a hip replacement and a knee replacement!"

me, has severe chronic pain and fatigue: "I mean I do have a little bit of a disadvantage as well. I've had chronic pain for 15 years"

my mom: "........oh"

[pronoun-fucker]

IN 1986, Sophie Ottaway was born with a very rare condition which required immediate surgery.

Cloacal exstrophy happens when the organs in the abdomen do not form correctly in the womb, resulting in babies born with organs such as the bladder or intestines outside the body.

Doctors had to operate to save her life.

Sophie was actually a boy, with a tiny, damaged penis but healthy testes.

But doctors advised Sophie’s parents that their baby’s male ­genitalia should be removed to avoid further complications.

The baby had to be registered by the following day, which meant they had to decide whether to tick male or female on the form.

Sophie’s parents Karen and John followed the surgeons’ advice.

“They were told not to tell me,” says Sophie, a warm and friendly 37-year-old who has since fully forgiven her parents for their decision.

“We are very close,” she tells me, “despite going through some rocky times in the past.”

Life changed for Sophie, who grew up in Beverley, East Yorks, when she was 22 years old and visiting her GP surgery for tonsilitis.

She says: “I saw on the computer screen that I had XY chromosomes, had been castrated hours after birth, and an incision was made where a vagina would be.”

Although Sophie exploded at her parents in the moment, she buried her feelings about it all until 13 years later when, hospitalised during a Covid lockdown, it was discovered she had developed sepsis that had ended up in her intestines.

‘I went into 13 years of absolute denial’

This was what led her to decide to speak out.

Sophie was already aware that many children and young people were being groomed in gender ideology, persuaded to take puberty blockers, then set on a medical pathway for life.

She says: “At age 11, as I approached puberty, they put me on oestrogen because there’s no ovaries, and no testes to produce testosterone.

“This is what doctors are doing now to kids who wish to change gender — putting them on blockers.”

It was a lie when Sophie was told she had to take oestrogen for life because her ovaries had been removed at birth as a result of damage.

Sophie was born biologically male. “So obviously there were never any ovaries,” she says wryly.

She adds: “The time to tell me and try to get informed consent was at the point we introduced the endocrinologist. This is the time puberty blockers are being offered to kids, so I make that connection with what’s happening today.”

When feminists and others critical of the medicalisation of children with gender dysphoria have said that these drugs and interventions are harmful, we are often labelled bigots. But Sophie is speaking from personal experience, in the hope that she will be listened to rather than dismissed and vilified.

About five years ago, Sophie chose to stop taking the hormones, because “I was adamant that many problems in my life were being caused by them.

“I was about 4st heavier than I am now, and I wasn’t eating badly. I was having bladder pain beyond belief.

“I had fatigue and was quite angry a lot of the time.”

By then, Sophie had been taking oestrogen for 20 years, and decided enough was enough. She was told she should keep taking it because it was for bone density, to which she replied that she would have regular bone scans.

Sophie had no choice but to go on oestrogen, because the doctors prescribed it to her as a child — but surely she should be listened to when she warns of the effects cross-sex hormones have on the body?

Now that she no longer takes it, all her symptoms have improved.

She says: “We’re selling this idea of perfection in the guise of changing gender. You’ve got all of these problems and might be struggling because you don’t fit in at school, or because you like boys’ toys and you’re a girl, or vice versa. As someone who knows all about decisions made under time pressure and who has paid the price, Sophie’s understanding of the sales pitch being made to children before puberty is crystal clear.

She says: “You’ve got a sale based on a time pressure.

“We’re going to push you through this for the puberty blockers, we’re going to make that sale.”

Keen to stress that there is a big difference between a girl behaving “like a boy”, wearing boys’ clothes and haircuts, Sophie adds: “Puberty blockers are a different level to how we dress and which toys we favour.”

The idea being sold is that gender reassignment is the answer to all your problems, but Sophie says: “What you get is genital mutilation, castration, and a lifetime of dangerous hormones, which was my experience.”

As she points out: “Children can’t vote, they can’t drink, can’t drive.

“But you can choose to do something life-changing.”

Sophie hopes that by speaking out and telling her unvarnished truth, some children — and parents — might make a different choice.

She says that when she found out that she’d been born male, “I obviously knew I had urological problems, and I knew that I had no vagina because of the surgeries.

“I didn’t address it at that point. I was 22, in second year at university.

“I had a plan of my life. And dealing with this monstrosity was not in the plan. I got up the next day and went to university.

“I still had the same connection with my friends. I was still the ­person I was 24 hours ago.

“But I went into 13 years of ­absolute denial.”

She never told anyone about it, not even close friends.

‘When I came out of hospital I was raging’

Then, during the pandemic, Sophie found herself in hospital a couple of times, and it all came crashing down.

She recalls: “They thought it was a kidney infection, but they couldn’t get to the bottom of it.

“When I was born they had fashioned some female genitalia. Brown putrid fluid starting leaking out of the hole and it would not stop.

“I presented at the hospital and I had to tell them for the first time about what had happened to me.”

When doctors examined her, they saw that there was something very wrong.

It turned out there was a mass in her abdomen, which was the neovagina — inserted when she was a baby — and left to rot.

Sophie says: “I found out from my mum that they had inserted it when I was two days old, and that one day it popped out and was found in my nappy.”

Surgeons replaced it during a later operation, sealed it up, and left it, which is why it led to sepsis many years later.

“No one had been told it had been put back in,” says Sophie.

Up until this point she had thought that the surgeon had simply operated to save her life — “which he did, but he also did a hell of a lot of other stuff that was unnecessary.”

What’s more, the doctors failed to do something that was necessary — namely, address the complex urological problems that have plagued Sophie all her life.

She says this “is one of the things that has the biggest effect on having any kind of intimate relationship. And yet the one thing that they could have fixed is my incontinence.”

She tells me: “When I came out of hospital, I was raging at that point.”

And she thought that by speaking out, she might be able to help those who think they are in the wrong body.

Sophie says: “A lot of them are being groomed to feel that way or question those thoughts in the first place by the school and the system and the media. Those kids need help.”

A much better solution, she argues, would be to divert funding currently being used for puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and surgery and ­allocate it to children’s mental health services and counselling.

Sophie says: “We can work with that person to find out why they are feeling like this.

“Then, maybe when they become an adult, they might be mature enough to be properly informed and consent to any changes to the outer body.

“It is often assumed I am transgender, but I really don’t like labels. I am just Sophie.

Poised for a backlash from the more extreme trans activists, Sophie makes it clear that she respects any adult’s decision to choose that path — so long as they are properly informed.

But she is clear that this is never appropriate for children.

“I don’t want this to happen to any other baby born with this condition,” she says.

“We have to find better ways to support kids to live in the body they are born with.”

Link | Archived Link

[prythianpages]

ACOSM | The Night Azriel found out her secret

azriel x rhysand's sister (oc)

warnings: angst, mention of injuries and slight abuse

summary: Azriel is concerned over Val's strange behavior and when he sees she is hurt, he demands to know who hurt her only to find an answer he had never thought to expect.

A/N: this is an imagine among my collection of imagines that follow Rhysand's sister, Valeria. while I'm still working on them, you can find the masterlist for it here. this takes place months after the Solstice imagine. I'm excited bc now that they're all older, we can get into the more romance/angsty bits :)

**

Azriel sat in the worn but cozy armchair in the living room of the house. He tried to immerse himself into the words in the book but could not focus. Lady Yvaine was with her husband, Rhysand was with Andrina and Cassian was with Tanwyn.

But Valeria was nowhere in sight and the lateness of the hour only heightened his concern.

Over the past few weeks, a newfound worry had taken root within Azriel, gnawing at his thoughts and leaving him restless.  Valeria, usually vibrant and full of energy, now seemed burdened, her spirit dimmed.

Azriel had noticed the change the same she had on him last Solstice. The fatigue etched on her face and then, there was the wince in her walk some days. He once confronted her about a bruise that marred her skin the other day only for her to laugh and brush it off. He knew something was wrong. He had sent his shadows after her but even they couldn't discern the secret she so closely guarded.

As he closed his book, readying himself to go search for her, his shadows whirled around him, a silent alarm rippling through them. His senses sharpened, attuned to the faint sounds of a soft, uneven gait approaching. 

A moment later, Valeria emerged into the room, her face contorted in pain, failing to conceal her discomfort. As she lifted her gaze, her steps paused and her violet eyes widened.

 It was evident she hadn't anticipated finding Azriel awake at this late hour. She took a moment to catch her breath, her gaze shifting from the Shadowsinger and then to her injured ankle. "Az" she almost stammered, "I didn't expect anyone to be up."

Azriel immediately closed his book and set it aside, his attention fully on her. Concern etched his features as he rushed to her. "What happened?" 

“I was skating and fell.” Valeria replied, wincing as she leaned against the armrest of the couch, her ankle clearly in pain.

“At this hour?” Azriel’s voice was a mix of worry and reproach. Valeria never skated alone and he was certain that Mallory was not allowed to be out this late in the camp.

"Yeah." Valeria replied, attempting to brush his concern off the same way she had the other day when he saw her bruise. But the pain in her eyes betrayed her stoicism. 

Azriel knelt beside her, his touch gentle as he examined her ankle. His shadows were also concerned. Some of them left his side and rushed to her, inspecting her for other injuries. They shuddered when they sensed more bruises on her arm.

Rage surged within him as he realized her ankle was broken, further fueled by the information from his shadows. He did not believe her story one bit. The gentleness that had initially marked his expression was replaced by a fierce determination as he looked up at her, his fingers loosening their grip on her ankle.

“Tell me who did this.”

“No.”

“I’m not asking.” 

“No one.” Valeria replied.

Azriel’s patience wore thin, a storm brewing in his eyes. Anger flashed, not directed at Valeria, but at the person who came to mind. “It was Damien, wasn’t it?”

The two had grown close in the past four weeks and three days. Azriel was acutely aware of the time as each day had been miserable for him. He despised Damien for the way he made her smile, the way he made her laugh.

It was a fierce envy– an ache that gnawed at Azriel. He yearned to be the one to bring such joy to Valeria. He always had a bad feeling about Damien, an unsettling intuition that prickled at his senses. If Damien so much as touched her…

“No!” Valeria's quick response cut through the room.

Azriel took her denial with a bitter twist in his heart, turning away with heavy steps as he made his way to the door. His thoughts were a tempest, a raging storm barely contained, fueled by the mere notion of someone daring to harm Valeria.

“Wait!” Valeria lunged forward, her fingers reaching for Azriel’s hand. She winced as it caused her further pain, steps faltering.

Azriel caught her with his ease, his hands at her sides. Her violet eyes were desperate, glistening with tears as she looked up at him. “I’ll tell you the truth but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even my mother or Rhys.”

She found herself hesitating for a moment, her gaze dropping to the ground. She knew she couldn't hide it any longer from Azriel. She knew that despite his distance the past couple of weeks, he still cared for her well-being. 

He reached out for her face, forcing her to look back at him. His hazel eyes pleaded with her. “Tell me. Please.” His fingertips brushed her cheek.

"I've been sneaking off to train with someone," Valeria confessed, her words rushed and shoulders slumping as she was released from the weight of the secret. "I met Tanwyn and she introduced me to some of her friends. The valkyries have been teaching me how to fight, to defend myself.”

Azriel’s eyes widened in surprise and concern, realization dawning on him. “Does Cassian know?”

“Not at first.” Valeria admitted. “I sought out the valkyries on my own. I had been training with them for three months when he caught me. I made him promise not to tell anyone.”

“Months?” Azriel echoed.

“It’s been a whole year now.” Valeria replied sheepishly.

Azriel did not know which of the two was more surprising: Valeria sneaking off to train with the valkyries for a year or Cassian keeping her secret well for months. He wanted to express his disapproval. It was not a good idea for her to be sneaking out, especially not in Windhaven. But he knew Valeria had made her choice.

"At first, the training exercises were simple and focused on maintaining balance and building endurance," Valeria said. "But Zeila, Tanwyn’s instructor, said I was ready to start sparring, so I did, and I was doing so well--" her eyes conveyed her joy, and Az couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride swell in his heart. There was also a sense of relief that her injuries were not a result of malice "--but today, I underestimated my sparring partner’s strength and lost my footing, and well, now my ankle is broken."

Azriel’s gaze softened. “Why keep this from Rhys?”

"Rhys worries about me," Valeria explained, her eyes reflecting her inner turmoil. "He wouldn’t want me to get involved in dangerous activities. He would try to stop me. Besides, if I get caught by my father and he finds out that Rhys knew…”

Azriel sighed, torn between his loyalty to Rhysand and his desire to protect Valeria.

 "I'll keep your secret.” He finally decided. 

Valeria beamed up at him and she threw her arms around him. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Azriel’s lips curved into a smile as he returned her embrace, his shadows doing somersaults at the closeness. “Just please promise me to be careful. You can’t afford to get hurt like this.”

“Of course.”

Azriel pulled back to look at her again, his hand reaching to brush a loose hair away from her face and then resting on her cheek. He felt the warmth of her skin. His shadows danced around, echoing his fondness and protectiveness. “Now, let’s get you healed. I’m afraid I’m going to have to snap your ankle back into place for it to heal properly.”

"Okay," Valeria smiled back at him, her trust in him evident in her eyes as she allowed him to guide her to the couch.

As he attended to her, he was aware of their closeness and the soft looks they exchanged stirred a longing within Azriel. It was a longing he had buried deep, afraid of what it meant, but now it was impossible to deny. His shadows whispered that it was more than friendship, and his heart dared to agree.

Little did he know that Valeria mirrored his feelings. 

She watched him intently, his gentle touch sending both comfort and thrills through her. The play of emotions on his face was a symphony she yearned to decode.

She had to bite her lip to keep from screaming when he set her ankle back into place. The pain was sharp and sudden, making her gasp for breath. Azriel's eyes locked onto hers in that moment, his concern palpable.

Valeria didn’t know if it was the pain searing through her leg or the look he was giving her, but she felt dizzy. His gaze held a depth that stirred something deep within her, a connection she'd never felt so strongly before. It was a look that left her hopeful with a longing she couldn’t put into words.

The pain subsided, leaving behind a lingering ache, not just in her ankle, but also in her heart.

**

tag list: @justrepostandlove @kemillyfreitas

[iheart-nana]

xxxi. second chances

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE ─ second chances.

❛ cause in this city's barren cold, i still remember the fist fall of snow ❜

Narrator's Perspective

There's nothing like a good meal after a long day of work. Eunyoung and Yumi realized the credibility of this statement as they sat at the dining table in their apartment, munching away to glory, not uttering a word until every crumb of food from their plates had disappeared.

"I don't think we need to wash the dishes now," Yumi piped.

"It's not like we have the energy to do that anyways," Eunyoung replied, leaning back in her chair, sighing.

"Don't you sit on your CEO chair and order people around all day?" Yumi teased.

"Are you kidding?" she exclaimed, slightly offended. Her fatigue seemed to have hindered her ability to detect playful sarcasm, "I've been answering a million calls for the past two days, and all the reporters are dying to know all the details of Sunjae..." she trailed off- the words were too painful to utter, "Anyways, it's as if the whole office is working on the same case. Have you ever seen my eyes this puffy. I'm single-handedly improving the income of all tissue paper manufactures."

"God, forget I ever asked," Yumi muttered, putting her hands up.

"Tell me, how's stuff at our office?" Eunyoung changed the topic swiftly, "Any turbulence?"

"I wouldn't say turbulence," answered Yumi thoughtfully, "But this case I'm on right now is straight out of an Agatha Christie novel. This woman's husband got hit by a bus and he died. It seems so simple, but the woman is insisting that he was murdered. I can't tell you more because of attorney-client confidentiality, but it's completely nuts. Like, they should have given this case to- I don't know, Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, not me. I swear the woman's on crack or something because I've never met someone so ecstatic in my life. Taesung and I barely sat through the interview-"

"Wait wait what did you just say?" Eunyoung asked, suddenly sitting up straight, trying to make sure she didn't mishear Yumi.

"Huh?" Yumi went quiet suddenly, realizing that this was the first time she mentioned Taesung being on the case with her, "Oh, that's right. Kim Taesung is a cop now. Violent crimes division. Who would've imagined? Not me." She let out an unnatural giggle which definitely didn't sound like something that would come out of a sober person's mouth. 

"Girl, you're blabbering slow down," Eunyoung said, leaning on the table between them, looking straight into Yumi's eyes that were staring intently at the floor, "You're saying that Kim Taesung- high school delinquent became a cop? And he's working with you?  What is this? A badly written rom-com?"

"You think I'm making it up?" Yumi ejaculated defensively.

"I- goodness," Eunyoung sighed, her eyes blinking rapidly as her brain tried to digest all this new information, "After fifteen years. And it hasn't even been fifteen years since..."

Her thoughts trailed away. Her eyes landed on the CD player she moved to the living room in the hope that her heart would ache a little less. But there it was, staring down at her. There were a million different thoughts racing through her mind. How much pain must Yumi be in? Things had happened so fast for her, and she had no time to process the shock fully.

A bone-chilling wind entered through the kitchen window, goosebumps erupting on both of their arms. The world seemed to hold it's breath for a moment and the stillness was almost uncomfortable. Then, it started. It had started snowing, and the snow would soon wrap the whole city in a white, icy blanket; And it was just like the night of the Eclipse concert, starting slowly, then transitioning into a full-fledged storm. It wasn't unlike the news of Sunjae's death, that creeped up on her slowly, hardly believable at first and then becoming increasingly every second that passed. 

Eunyoung's hand reached for Yumi's, holding it tightly, "Are you okay?" the question was barely a whisper, because she knew that neither of them were.

"No."

The clock struck twelve, and the display on the CD player flashed, then showed the numbers 2:00. Then the walls around them melted away as they were flung through space and time once again.

💿

"Excuse me, you two girls!" the teacher's voice hollered through the classroom, "Sleeping in class, both of you sisters! Aren't you the slightest bit ashamed?"

Eunyoung and Yumi jerked awake, looking at each other as if to ask, "Is he talking about us?" Eunyoung's eyes took a quick glance at the calendar in the corner of the room. June 2008. She had to stop the sigh of relief from escaping her mouth. Sunjae was alive, and she had another chance to set things right. 

"Stand up when I'm talking to you!" the teacher's voice boomed as they both stood up abruptly, "Go stand at the back of the class! Sleeping while I'm explaining such important concepts... kids these days," he muttered in annoyance as Yumi and Eunyoung moved to the back of the class as a couple of kids snickered at them; But they couldn't care less. They had more pressing matters on their mind. 

I have to set things right. Yumi thought to herself with determination. Heck, she was ready to accept that she liked the stupid boy. She had to save him; Save him from the misery he would face in the future. She wanted to preserve that spark in his eyes, and she was willing to go to any lengths to do it. Ten days had already passed in this timeline. The clock was ticking, and she understood that she had to work fast.

"Why do we always end up in school when we switch timelines?" Eunyoung hissed in frustration as the bell went off.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: here we go! round two.

delphi's notes: they're motivated again guys.

next chapter: saturday list of chapters here!

[0th3rw0rldl1n3ss]

Disabled community, I want y’all’s thoughts on this (esp people who are familiar with the way disability accommodations and stuff work in the US) because I feel like I’m probably being screwed over.

So I work at a store chain in the southern US and I applied for reasonable accommodations under the ADA for diagnosed chronic pain and fatigue. I have a relative who was an HR manager (or something like that) for years and I asked for her input and she said she thought my requests were perfectly reasonable, unlikely to be denied for any reason, and very well worded. I asked for, with a doctor’s input, having two days off in a row twice a month, being scheduled no more than 8 hours a day, and “flexibility in scheduling” (doctors words, not mine, and I’m not a huge fan of this part because of how incredibly vague it is, making me unsure of how it would be applied in practice). I was told when I first sent the paperwork in to my manager that I should be the first one to hear back directly from HR via email, it’s been probably over a month and I have not heard back.

I talked to my manager this morning after my shift, asking if he had heard anything, and he said HR had gotten the request but that he and my comanager had decided to, instead of giving me the accommodations as I requested, change my job position to something “less physically demanding”. In the moment I was too tired from my shift to process this fully and was thinking “whatever, I’ll take what I can get I guess” but the more I think about it the more frustrated I am. I don’t feel that changing my job position to something less physically demanding will be adequate, because the physical labor isn’t the entire issue to begin with, although it is a big part of it. With the combination of chronic fatigue and being autistic (which I am formally diagnosed with, but did not mention in my request for accommodations because I thought it would be best to include as little of my diagnostic information as possible so they have less reasons to want to fire me, but now I realize this may have been a mistake) I am easily exhausted to the point of being unable to function adequately at work or otherwise, even from non physically demanding labor- ESPECIALLY from doing day shifts working retail where I am required to interact with customers all day. This is extremely hard on me emotionally and even physically (from the stress of it causing chronic pain flareups) and it would be even if I were allowed to sit down as much as I wanted.

I’m upset, I don’t know what to do, any advice or thoughts on the matter would be appreciated. The thing that really gets me is, you shouldn’t even have to be disabled to want two days off in a row a measly twice a month. But the fact that I am disabled according to doctors and they’re still apparently denying me this is just absolutely bonkers to me. And for someone with debilitating chronic pain, fatigue, etc that’s especially barely asking anything, it’s not even the bare minimum, it wouldn’t be anywhere near enough, but I asked for it because it would at least be better and I thought it was such an agonizingly reasonable request that they couldn’t possibly deny it. But I guess I underestimated how (even with my already present complete and utter lack of faith in the system) how unseriously the ADA is taken by corporations and how unwilling they are to make even the tiniest of adjustments. And, I’m not the only person in my job position who works there, it’s a big store with lots of employees, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to give me that much. This is all ridiculous. I don’t know what can be done, or if what they’re doing is even legal or not (but even if it isn’t, I’m not sure what I could do about it because it’s not like I have the money to hire a lawyer).

This is my first “real” job and I’ve only been there since summer of this year, if that matters for context.

Reblogs appreciated so maybe more people see this and have input.

[steampunk-swift-arrow]

Fanfic: F-it! Un-Tom King's Your Riddler!

(Since AO3 has been down due to attacks, here's a fic that I wrote a while back and just haven't posted yet)

Summery: I really hated Tom King’s Riddler origin story so I wrote my own. Skips over the actual origin and just talks about the current time. Somewhat hurt/comfort

Warnings: mentions of cancer, chemotherapy, and fear of death.

Characters: Riddler and Batman

Word count: 2090

“Hey, my daughter really liked that last one,” the guard bringing him lunch informed him. “‘What’s got a bottom at its top?’ She’s been running around saying it and shouting out ‘Legs’, real cute.”

Edward was a flight risk, his cell was never allowed to be opened. It felt demeaning to sit at the door and then pull in the tray of food like an animal. “I thought the cleverness of that one might resonate with some people,” he commented. “She sounds like a smart little girl.”

“She is,” the guard was more than happy to talk about his daughter for a minute. A proud father. Edward was a little envious. “Got any others like that? Y’know, dirty but like kid-dirty. She loves a good fart joke.”

“I can’t say that any springs to mind but I’ll think on it,” Edward told him. “I don’t have much else to do right now.”

~-~-~

“A straightjacket? Really? Commissioner Gordon, I feel I should remind you that I have a history of escaping those, in case you actually expect that to work, I don’t want to disappoint you,” Edward said as he eyed the white jacket. Why was it always white? Was it really too much for them to make straight jackets in colors?

Arkham put him in one often enough he was pretty sure they owed him a fully customized one, green with purple accents and an actual challenge to escape. Maybe he’d have it made and sent to them for next time.

As much as he was annoyed with the jacket, at least it wasn’t a tranq gun or knock-out drugs.

“We’ll start with rubber bullets,” Gordon said.

“That won’t be necessary, I have no intention of fighting you,” Edward assured him. ��I’d very much like to talk to Batman, if you’d be so kind as to call him.”

Gordon paused and seemed to study him for a second. “I’ll call him if you agree to wear the straightjacket,” he bargained.

Edward sighed. He really didn’t want to let someone get close enough to put that on him, not right now, but there wasn’t an actual choice. “I accept your terms,” he agreed.

He was definitely going to be late for his appointment and he desperately needed it.

~-~-~

It wasn’t fair. The treatment was supposed to help him but it left him feeling just as tired, if not more tired, than when it started. It took every fiber of strength that he had, more than he thought he even possessed, to try to hide the pain and fatigue he was going through. He didn’t want to appear weak in front of Batman. He’d even over-done it on the green makeup so that it would hide the bags under his eyes.

He was idly playing basketball when he heard the tell-tale woosh of a cape off to the side of the court. Batman had arrived.

“Gordon said you wanted to talk with me,” Batman said, unmoving from the shadow he’d found.

Edward let the ball roll back over to him and picked it up. “I did, I do,” he answered. “I-...” he stopped, finding himself unable to say what he wanted -no, needed- to say.

“If you’re at a loss for words, it must be something big,” Batman stated.

“Something like that,” Edward muttered, playing with the ball again. He didn’t feel that he had the strength to throw it but he could still dribble it or just hold it.

“I was also told that after Gordon called me the first time and asked me to meet you here, you escaped with a desperation he’d never seen in you or anyone before,” Batman continued. “He said it was like your life was at stake. You’ve been behaving oddly well according to the guards at Arkham. I’m told you normally drive them crazy with mind games or escape your cell just to mess with them, but you haven’t at all during your last stay.”

“I’ve told a few riddles,” Edward shrugged. “One of the guards said his daughter’s been getting into them, I made up some for her.”

“Making up riddles for a kid is not the same as your usual brand of crazy.”

“I suppose not. Can we move this conversation over to the benches?”

His body felt like he was about to drop over, he was glad Batman followed him to the benches so he could sit down and get the pain to lessen.

“There’s no easy way to put this and not many people to ask how to, but…” Edward paused and sighed. “I’m quitting the whole crime thing.”

Batman seemed surprised by that.

“It was fun, telling riddles to lead you to my next crime, throwing obstacles in your path to slow you down but knowing you would still be right behind me, knowing that any person who was involved was safe because you wouldn’t let them be hurt, the priceless items I stole, and of course the attention of media, it was all fun.”

“But you’re quitting?”

“It’s been losing its charm, the pattern has become a rut. I can’t… I don’t want to fall into a rut like that.”

Batman was quiet for a second. “You’re in pain,” he observed. Even resting, the pain was catching up with him, he had as good a chance of not getting caught by Batman as he had of escaping the pain. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“Yes,” Edward admitted. “And not just in my usual way. A good therapist can’t help with this, not that there are any of those in this city. Thankfully we have several dozen hospitals, I was able to find help in one of them but I’m not sure it’s working.”

Just rip off the bandaid and say it. Quick and painless. It doesn’t have to be drawn out.

“I… I have cancer,” Edward said, finally telling someone about it for the first time. “Stage three, it’s not looking all that promising.”

He didn’t even need to look at Batman to know that he moved closer, he felt his presence next to him on the bench in an instant.

“It’s hard to get treatment and be a super criminal, I suppose,” Batman muttered. “That’s why you decided to quit and wanted to see me, right?” he checked.

“Part of it, yes,” Edward answered. “Look, the doctors said it doesn’t look good, they told me to get my affairs in order. Easiest task I’ve ever done, I don’t have loved ones to call, I know the police are just waiting to seize everything I have and lock it all away in an evidence locker, no one would really care if I died… except for maybe you and the daughter of a guard at Arkham. If anything else, I figure you were the most fun to interact with so if I had to tell anyone, it might as well be you.”

“I had a friend growing up, he lost his mother to cancer, we drifted apart over the years but I vividly remember the struggle she went through before passing, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone in the entire world, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.”

“I’m not a good person, I always figured I’d die from someone getting revenge, from pissing off another rogue or a hero who doesn’t have a no-kill policy, something that would be quick and deserved. But this… this is nothing like that. It’s slow, it allows for time to tie up loose ends, and while it’s slowly breaking down my body, it’s killing my mind. Even if I wanted to continue to be a criminal, I literally can’t. I tried to do a crossword while in chemo today and just couldn’t do it. Some rogues can do the spontaneous criminal work but that’s just not who I am…”

“As much as I want to see you give up being a criminal, I want it to be because you decide to try a different path in life, not like this,” Batman said.

“I know I always said I didn’t care about death, that if I died I’d finally solve the greatest riddle of all but…” Edward trailed off as he tried hard not to start crying. “I… I’m scared.”

“I know. I’ve faced death enough times myself to know the feeling. But you can relax because you’re not dying.”

“How can you be so confident?”

“Because if you die, who’s going to provide me with the challenge that you think I need? Who’s going to take your place? The Joker? Jokes and riddles are similar but not that similar.  You said yourself, you’re not a good person, but you could be. Remember how you were a private investigator for a while?”

“I have a near perfect memory, or at least I did before the cancer, of course I remember.”

“That just proves you could be a good person. You never killed anyone, scared them mostly but you said you knew I’d save them.”

“I’m really not sure what you’re trying to say anymore.”

“You’re not dying because I won’t let that happen,” Batman said. “I know some of the best doctors in the world and out of it, I know people who can literally do magic, you’re not going to die. After you beat cancer, which you will, we can talk about the whole quitting thing again.”

“You seem awfully confident,” Edward said with a slight hum. “Just in case you’re wrong, can I ask for a small favor? I promise to take it to my grave.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve had a hunch for years and I want to know if I’m right. Who are you under the mask?”

Batman was still for a minute, long enough Edward figured he was probably waiting for him to start talking about something else and move away from the identity thing. To his surprise, Batman simply pulled the mask away like it was the hood of a jacket.

“I was right,” Edward uttered in shock. “You’re Bruce Wayne.”

“You figured it out before, I figured the likelihood of you getting it right the second time was high enough I can just tell you. Besides, I know you’re not going to do anything with the information.”

“Because I’m dying.”

“No, because what good is a riddle that everyone knows the answer to?”

“I suppose that’s also a good point,” Edward hummed.

“Edward,” Bruce began. Without the cowl, he sounded completely different, like his voice and mannerisms were also part of his mask. “I know you think no one would care if you died but you’re wrong, there are people who care about you, I care about you, and I’m going to prove it to you.”

~-~-~

In the months that followed that, both men researched as much as they could to find any form of a cure, the cancer continued to get worse.

During that time, Edward had put together collections of his riddles into books and published them: ‘1,001 Riddles for Young Geniuses’ and ‘the Riddler’s best Riddles’. He signed a copy of the first one and sent it to the guard for his daughter, he didn’t see anyone’s reactions but he was told by Bruce that they were thrilled.

Bruce walked into the hospital room where Edward was currently reading a book while doing chemo, an IV tube hooked into his arm and slowly releasing the medication. In order to keep a low profile, Bruce had put on a ‘disguise’, mainly glasses and an outfit he wouldn’t normally wear in public.

“That’s your idea of a disguise?” Edward asked with a slight laugh.

“Don’t knock it, it’s actually a really good one, I learned it from a friend of mine,” Bruce said. “Clark used to confuse people all the time whenever he lost his glasses, you’d be surprised how big a difference they can make.”

“I highly doubt people are actually going to fall for-”

A nurse walked in to check on something and paused, looking straight at Bruce. “Hello, who might you be?” she asked.

“A friend,” Bruce answered. “Just wanted to come see how my friend’s doing. You’ll need a ride home after this, right?”

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Edward agreed. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Bruce waited until the nurse left and they were alone again. “I think I found a cure.”

“There’s no cure, I’ve been looking.”

“You’ve been looking at the records of scientists, I went beyond that,” Bruce corrected him. “Have you ever heard of the Lazarus Pit?”

[sunnyuto]

Story time:

When I was a freshman in college, I had a major medical emergency right after midterms. I ended up being out of school for two weeks. Luckily, because it happened on school grounds and they were fully aware of what went down, I was immediately connected with the Dean of Students and my professors were all informed before I got back. This basically meant that that I had until the end of the semester to turn in the work I missed and any extensions needed on current work when I came back.

The complication was that I was also dealing with a lot of fatigue and insomnia due to what happened. CPR is fucking painful. I had one 9am and one 9:30am class that semester and I really struggled to make it to class on time, if at all. Truthfully, I didn’t care that much about making the 9am, it was taught by a sucky professor who only used the slides that came with our textbook, and there was a general understanding that as long as I was getting assignments in, attendance wasn’t going to be held against.

But I did care about making my 9:30 class. It was my favorite class with my favorite professor and being in class actual was important. At one point I had missed a few classes in a row due to oversleeping - I wouldn’t fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning and so wouldn’t wake up until 10 or 11 - so I decided I was going to do whatever it took to make the next session and ended up pulling an all nighter in the student center to make sure I wouldn’t sleep through class.

I made it to class on time and took my usual seat and got ready to take notes and you wanna know what happened?

I slept through the fucking class in the back of the lecture hall.

The professor never called me out on it, although she definitely knew, as there was a general understanding that I could do whatever I needed to in order to just get through the rest of that semester.

But I think sometimes about how if I hadn’t been immediately connected with the resources I needed, I likely would have failed both of those classes that semester and probably at least one other. I am not someone that can easily ask for help or admit when I’m struggling and I’m so fortunate that my department and my school in general was keeping their eye on me. I fully fucking died and was lucky enough to be in the position where everyone around me knew and was able to help me move along as I came to terms with that.

So please. Don’t be like me. Ask for help when you need it. Admit to your professors when you’re struggling, especially when the struggle is completely external to their class. Your professors are human beings and they want to help you and see you succeed. The assholes are rare, I promise.

hard lesson to learn but it has been important for college: ask professors for extensions BEFORE you desperately need it, rest BEFORE you're exhausted, skip class BEFORE you're too exhausted to go to class, cancel obligations as soon as the vibes are off, etc

there's been five times so far where I was like "Should I ask for this extension/go home early/skip this class?" and each time I've been incredibly thankful I did it and I felt better afterwards.

[shelleymarietalks]

Acupuncture

What is it? Does it work?

For the past few months now I have been having Acupuncture with Omie for a number of ongoing issues, the main being my skin, not as regularly as I would like or that is maybe required for stronger results, however I have noticed such a difference and I wanted to share it with you.

What is Acupuncture?

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) Acupuncture has been practiced for many centuries. Acupuncture involves the insertion of very fine needles into specific acupuncture points on the body stimulating channels or meridians where Qi flows. TCM determines and treats the root cause of disease and illness rather than just the symptoms; it takes a different approach to Western medicine and is often used complementary to the Western model of medicine.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine a human being is thought to be a microcosm of the macrocosm; the whole universe. TCM observes Nature and does not view humans as being separate from Nature. If there is pain or disharmony in the body there will be some form of stagnation; if the stagnation is removed so will the pain bringing balance back to the internal landscape. An in depth consultation is carried to make a TCM diagnosis which involves looking at the tongue, feeling the pulses and observing a persons individual constitution as well as discussing lifestyle, diet and sleep patterns.

A course of Acupuncture sessions is usually required to begin with especially for chronic conditions. Acupuncture has a culminative effect and a bespoke treatment plan will be discussed with you at the initial session.

Acupuncture can be used to treat various conditions both acute and chronic. In my practice I work with various conditions including hormonal imbalances, peri-menopause, menopause, fertility, acute and chronic injuries, pain management, fatigue, mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression and also cancer. - Information taken from Omie's website: http://www.omiemegan.co.uk/offerings/

Alongside TCM Acupuncture Omie also offers Reflexology, Foot Baths, Facial Gua Sha, Facial Reflexology and Traditional Fire Cupping.

Here is an article and success story that also supports the use of TCM Acupuncture for Eczema: https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/whats-on/family-kids-news/horrendous-condition-left-embarrassed-go-26190016?fbclid=IwAR2ieZToWC5Oy6YPD9KyVdFCQXfF9WhVHlWfGSky3g7MI_vy691FWlYkIug

As per usual I have not taken before and after photos from sessions with Omie but what I can say is that although I didn't notice much difference after the first session other than better sleep and feeling alot calmer with my anxiety, over time the overall health of my skin has improved and my panic attacks and anxiety have subsided and I cannot be more grateful. Not only is Omie a beautiful, kind and supportive person (also close friend of my Mom's) she is very educated and fully qualified in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Upon arrival to Omie's lovely home she always greets you with a smile, gets you settled into the treatment room, takes down your personal information and medical notes and always asks how you are. Me being me always bores Omie with my life story and what shit is usually going down haha! She then allows you to get comfortable on the bed offering a heated blanket etc before checking your pulses and noting this down to compare this to your pulses after your session. When I went to my first session I was very nervous and aprehensive as I did not know what to expect with it involving needles, especially with a phobia of needles, however these are the tiniest of things and absolutely nothing to be scared of and pain free. When I tell you once Omie had inserted all the needles and left me with some calming meditating music in the background on the warm heated blanket I was in another world. Relaxed, care free and feeling as light as a feather, all the worries I had before had melted away and I even felt a little emotional, but in a good way... this feeling stayed with me for a good 24 hours afterwards which was worth it all. Once my session was over Omie removed the needles and gave me plenty of time to bring myself back into the room, get changed and settle back into the chair where she had left me some refreshing cold lemon water before coming back into the room and checking my pulses which of course had slowed right down.

This is just a little insight into my experience and like I have said I do go as regularly as I can but the more sessions the better results. Whatever the issue TCM Acupuncture can cover it, I love it and have not had a negative exoerience so far.

There are alot of conspiracies around Traditional Chinese Medication especially Acupuncture but everyone is different and all I can say is don't knock it until you try it.

Thank you to Omie for her support and help with my sessions and I will link Omie's website again below if you fancy giving TCM a go!

[crippleprophet]

hiii!! i was wondering if u have any advice on getting taken seriously and getting care in an emergency department as a chronically ill/disabled person?

i've had progressive muscle weakness, fatigue, nerve issues, and pain for like five years that hasn't been properly diagnosed (been told it was fibro but. doesn't seem to fully fit that anymore. idk if anything will show up on tests but even if it doesn't i feel like the more correct diagnosis would be ME. my current gp thinks i have [seronegative] myasthenia gravis but gps can't order emgs so can't diagnose it), and recently have been having trouble breathing that seems like it's due to muscle weakness in my chest and follows the same patterns as my other muscle weakness.

my gp can't do anything to help (and referrals always get declined because the system is overwhelmed) and can only advise that i go to the hospital, been to one hospital who sent me home because my oxygen saturation was fine (even though from what i've read shortness of breath caused by muscle weakness doesn't show in oxygen saturation til it's Very Very bad, at the time i could only speak a couple syllables per breath and my peak flow was around half of what it usually is), i asked my gp what to do and he told me to try the further away hospital and explain that i haven't been able to get care at the closer one.

my mum is going to take me in a couple days (unless i really can't breath in the mean time obviously) and i'm nervous because i usually get dismissed, or they'll do a couple tests but not the ones that would actually show the conditions that i might actually have. i don't know how to advocate for myself without getting seen as overreacting, or get care for a chronic condition that has become urgent because usually if it's been happening for a while they'll say to just talk to ur gp but. my gp can't do anything.

(note: i know ur only supposed to go to the emergency room for things that are really urgent and the fact that i'm waiting a couple days might make it not urgent. my gp has said this is the best thing i can do though because there's literally no other avenue for me to get care and with my breathing the way it is i am even more restricted in what i can do than i have been before.)

oh god, i’m so sorry you’re in this position and am sending so much love to you. obligatory disclaimer that i’m not a medical professional, just Some Guy with a couple degrees, a girlfriend in medical school, and a whole lot of medical trauma.

that being said, my only advice is to lie. lie your ass off, lie like your life depends on it, most importantly lie in an informed fashion - which is easy in this case because you pretty much know what you have, you just need them to do the test you want. the doctor thinks they’re creating a clinical picture on a blank canvas and you need to give them a paint-by-numbers.

here are the factors i would consider and the narrative i would construct if i was in your position, but it’s your body, your experiences, and your care (or lack thereof), so all of this is just my opinion and your mileage absolutely may vary:

most importantly, make sure anyone with you in the ER is on the same page. a lot of doctors assume patients are lying by default because they suck, so if somebody contradicts you, you’re probably screwed. when my gf takes me to a doctor’s appointment, we have a “what are we lying to them about” meeting ahead of time. you know your mum best, so you probably know what approaches she would/wouldn’t be on board with, but i’d initiate that conversation like “i’m concerned this hospital might dismiss me like the other one did, so i’m planning to say XYZ to hopefully get them to take me more seriously” and not “Some Guy on tumblr told me to lie my ass off” lol

next, make your symptoms match the textbook. downside to this, i definitely recommend not bringing up ME/CFS because they can’t/won’t test for or treat it (i have a friend in the UK who almost certainly has ME/CFS and just got sent to even more physical therapy). here’s where it helps that your GP is pretty sure they know what you’ve got (whether you actually have that or not): research myasthenia gravis (i recommend continuing education sites geared towards clinicians), know what’s on that list, and (with some exceptions) say you have those symptoms. my personal strategy is three-tiered:

lies of creation: unless it’s something immediately life-threatening or something they can concretely disprove, say you have symptoms of your disease even if you don’t. ER doctors don’t give a shit if they can say you need to wait it out and go to a specialist, regardless of that being unrealistic and your symptoms being unlivable, so you need something urgent and serious. (my gf says “they might be worried if you’re having trouble swallowing. maybe.”) myasthenia gravis typically waxes and wanes, so even if you’re able to do something when they examine you, it would be totally realistic for you to not have been able to a couple of hours ago (eg, when you arrived to the ER). for example, i told the NHS i totally had a positive MRI in the US that i was having delays getting access to the records of, even though my MRI didn’t show a speck of inflammation, because at least that got me a couple months of flare medication while they confirmed and an NSAID when they decided i was in remission rather than literally nothing. obviously you can’t tell them you’re seropositive because they’ve unfortunately got that record, which means you’re already fighting an uphill battle, which leads to my favorite sub-category lie of creation: anything you’ve read or believe or know that works in your favor, your GP told you. memorize what percent of people with myasthenia gravis are seronegative - don’t lead with that, because doctors hate when people are educated about our conditions or know what’s wrong with us, but if they say “we won’t do an EMG because you can’t have myasthenia gravis because of your bloodwork,” then you can be like, “my GP said that’s pretty common, like, about X% of people don’t show up on the test, and they’re really convinced i have this.”

lies of exaggeration: increase frequency of symptoms, impact on your activities of daily living, rank on a scale. familiarize yourself with what the numbers on the pain scale generally mean in terms of ability, and elaborate - “my pain is at an 8, it’s really hard to XYZ.”

lies of omission: this ER doctor was an asshole and still would’ve fucked me over regardless, but the instant i said “yes” when he asked if i experienced acid reflux, he stopped listening to a single word i said. i was experiencing acid reflux, and i knew that symptom happened with IBD, celiac, and a host of other serious conditions, but he instantly decided that was all that was going on with me, tried to send me home with just an antacid during the worst pain of my life, and led to me experiencing malnutrition and all my hair falling out due to the severe delays in accessing care. my recommendation for “instant dismissal” (or worse, “instant institutionalization”) symptoms to omit are: acid reflux; menstrual cramps or really anything related to menstruation; anything they could dismiss as covid - if they try to dismiss your breathing issues as covid, say you’ve tested negative this week even if you haven’t had a test. if you’ve had covid and you’re certain it’s not in your chart (assume it’s in your chart if you’ve ever said it to a doctor), say you’ve never had covid. if they still try to say it’s covid, stress that this has been going on for years before covid; anything psychiatric.

so, what i would do:

“i have X, Y, and Z symptoms. my GP thinks i have myasthenia gravis and is working on referring me, and said to go to A&E if A, B, or C got worse. A, B, and C have [measurably gotten significantly worse since the last time you went to A&E] - i’m having trouble breathing, swallowing, and [other].” hope that they decide to do an EMG on their own.

if they try to send you home or try to do useless tests, say “my GP mentioned that i really need an EMG in order to get the treatment that would help me be able to breathe, swallow, [other]. will this test also do that?” (one of the instances where you strategically ‘play dumb’ because doctors hate when we know things)

if they still won’t do anything helpful, either you or your mum say: “i’ve/they’ve had these symptoms for five years and it’s never been remotely this bad. i/they seriously can’t breathe, swallow, [other] - how do we manage these symptoms before we can get to a specialist?” i’m white and, having been super professional/polite until then, this is the point where i start crying; you know your circumstances best and whether that will incur racism, etc, upon you from the medical system.

if they still want to send you home, i (again, being white) would at that point firmly request a second opinion. they still might send you home with nothing; i did all of this shit and received 50 pills of 50mg tramadol in addition to the antacid, and probably an angry note in my file, and not a millisecond of further testing.

i say this with love and from experience, in the interest of minimizing trauma and devastation: you need, to the best of your ability, to go to the emergency department with the expectation of receiving no care. i recommend a buddy, a reminder, and a reward: message a bitter crip or someone else who Gets It throughout the process and have support in place for if/when you get home with new medical neglect and trauma; remind yourself that your symptoms are real and serious and, in my gf’s words, “if your GP thinks you have myasthenia gravis, you almost definitely have something neuromuscular going on.” i like to make posters of my reminders (example here: link); do something that will make you feel better afterwards - my go-to is buying a new stuffed animal after experiencing medical trauma. i have a lot of them lol

for more advice on coping with medical neglect before and after appointments/visits, see my post here (link). if you don’t know anyone who’ll understand or be available and helpful to support you during your trip to A&E, feel free to dm me and i’d be happy to give you my WhatsApp. i wish you so much luck and you’ll be in my thoughts, i really hope it goes as well as possible - you deserve quality, compassionate, thorough care. if you’re comfortable with doing so and feeling up for it i’d really value an update afterwards 💓💓💓

[voidtouched-blue]

Each step made threatened to be her last. The adrenaline of the short battle in addition to the distance she had traveled entirely on foot had her muscles shaking with the effort. Her chest heaved as her energy waned, but they pressed on. Her eyes darted off to the sides as she had been cursed with incredible hearing, and her pained stare was met with suspicion from the passing soldiers. She could feel their eyes taking in her shrouded visage, feeling the doubt and the confusion in their faces. She had nothing to prove to them. They weren't the ones who had killed her former lord. They weren't the ones who mattered. This was a test, and she gladly fought instinct just to pass.

Cyra had paused for just a moment, taking in the craftsmanship of the carved archway. She would have plenty of time to look upon it later and revel in its detail and beauty. But this brief moment held so much meaning for her. She savored the act of stepping up to the threshold, fully prepared to move beyond the pass on her own. Yet, hearing his quiet whisper being a recognition of her will to carry on had somehow been the permission she needed to let her strength slip ever so slightly.

Her arm had been out in front of her as a way to counterbalance her struggling canter. Feeling the sudden iron grip around her small arm had her hiss and wince. It wasn't his fault. She had pushed her body past its limit already. The fatigue, coupled with the damage done from the cruelty of her slaver had left her significantly bruised. Beyond the gash on her cheek, her ragged trappings had hidden the abuse well. Stepping only on what looked like her toes, she grunted as she took the step up with the King's assistance.

"A room?" His declaration had caught her off guard. She had a room before, but it was no better than the quarters one would give to an animal. She kept her head dipped out of respect, and also out of fear that he would take notice of her changed appearance so quickly. Though, she supposed the slitted pupils would have given it away now that they had been out of the bloodied field.

A bath? The mere suggestion that basic needs were being handled had completely blindsided the poor girl. If there was a stink that lingered about her, she hadn't even known. The thought of having an odor did provide her with a bit of shame. There wasn't much she could have done about that before, but everything he was offering already seemed too good to be true. Kindness was not extended to a bearer. Yet, even as he stated these things as if he were informing a guest in his home, she felt incredibly out of place. Rather than question him more, she offered him a meager bow as thanks for the gracious gifts he was providing for her.

"Thank you, mi'Lord." She clasped her hands together. "Such treatment is ill-fitting for my station. You need not trouble yourself with it. I have survived worse." Cyra's voice was soft, and the exhaustion in it palpable. Rather than rest on that polite decline of treatment, she quickly changed the subject.

"Is there aught I can do for you in the present, ser?" Ever the one to quickly jump into service. This was more than just her trying to save her own skin. Despite all that she had just been through, making herself useful had been engrained into her being over the years. Providing herself even when injured was part of being a bearer. Despite his obvious lack of injuries, she still was obligated to offer. Regardless of who he was, his status was higher than hers, and she would fill her role as appropriately as she could.

Barnabas watched her as she stood, his face impassive with something not quite like patience so much as an immense understanding of how to wait. She struggled, and he noted this, but he did not doubt that she would stand. She simply had to, so she simply would. That was just what life was.

Together they walked to the door, side by side. It was slow going--he let her set the pace and simply kept aligned with it. If any of the onlooking soldiers thought it painted an odd picture, their king walking alongside an enemy bearer as if with a guest for tea, they didn't dare mention it any louder than whispering among themselves.

Barnabas was sending quite the clear message, in full awareness. This person was of interest to the king himself, and thus not to be bothered.

At long last, they reached the arched doorway, tall arms of carved black stone that came to a set of points meant to be floral but coming across more like a cluster of spear tips.

"You've done it," he said quietly. "I suspected as much."

It was somehow about more than just walking. She had passed her test. He had watched her struggle and struggle and wind up where she'd intended regardless.

You will survive.

There was only one large step through the doorway, and here he finally offered a small amount of help. His hand gripped her forearm and leveraged her weight up and over. It was not gentle--he was not really capable of gentleness anymore. But it was firm and steady.

"A room will be prepared for you," Barnabas continued. He did not elaborate on how these instructions had already been passed along to the servants. Sleipnir's main corporeal body was out on the battlefield finishing up the details, but he was also wandering the halls of Stonhyrr castle simultaneously in other forms. Part of the reason Barnabas had no need for slaves.

His plans had finally reached a point of secrecy so absolute that he would not trust having human servants everywhere. Too many ears and eyes that could not be controlled.

"A bath will be drawn and a meal set. Do you require medical attention as well?" He was all business, as if listing off accounting expenses.

[supernovafeather]

Fatherhood

Duke Leto Atreides x F!Reader

Warnings : complicated pregnancy, complicated birth, blood, mention of medical abortion (not done), allusion to sexual themes, fear over a newborn's health, Leto is a protective father, breeding kink if you squint really hard, angst, fluff.

As councilors keep arguing over some minor diplomatic inconvenience, the Duke's mind is wandering far away from this room, his frown digging his features deeper due to the powerful sunlights. Twilight turns the majestic sun trajectory into an irritating dot of light threatening to blind him like a laser would. Sleepiness is lurking in every muscle of his body, and his eyes half-closed due to the fireball from the skies feel unbelievably heavy. Not that fatigue is unfamiliar to him but between the political intrigues, boring meetings that could wait, and nights shortened by your grunts every time one of your babies kick your belly too hard... it is getting hard to focus fully.

"I can take another bedroom if you want." You said one morning as Leto couldn't even stand up from your shared bed. "You need to sleep my love."

The corner of his lips twitches as he rubs his sleeve discreetly in a pale mimick of his affectionate gestures towards the obvious bump now characteristic of your silhouette. He loves caressing it when you are in bed. You always look so tired as well. But you are carrying three children that are going to discover this world soon. It is only a matter of days the doctor said. Not even of weeks. Of days. Of hours. And he can't wait to meet them. He wants to feel their little fists holding his fingers when he cradles them. It was something he liked to do when Paul was still a little boy that could fit in his arms while sleeping. For now, he has been able to feel their angry or impatient kicks in your body. In a way, guilt pinches his heart each time you jolt in your bed, your tired face turning into one of annoyance.

He rests his elbows on the table, faking a focused stance as he rubs his beard to hide the smile growing as the debate starts to turn around some weird way of dealing with a local parasite that got the foreign ambassador sick. He can't stop himself from getting this warm feeling when he remembers your soft whispers he overheared late last night when you were talking to your moody spawns of the devil. "Yes mommy is here, yes mommy can feel you, and yes mommy needs to sleep. You should too, it's a really interesting concept. You can dream. Sounds nice. You definitely should try this one day." He can't even hold you in his arms, your belly is too imposing for this. And you received the order not to leave your bed except in case of necessity. The best he can do when the babies are out of control and start kicking blindly is whispering next to them, and to them, his fingers drawing random patterns. He likes to think his children follow his motions.

Leto comes back to reality when the door is practically kicked open, interrupting the meeting suddenly. When he sees the guard as pale as a ghost, everything tenses up in his body, his features back into their usual sharpness. Even Paul sitting by his side looks like ready to hear about an imminent attack.

"What's happening ?" Leto barks as he stands up, his palms open against the table.

"My Duke, she's going into labor."

He doesn't wait for more information, ignoring the joyful "oh" escaping someone's lips. Unless this guard has a phobia of children there is no reason for him to look like he is about to faint out of terror.

By the time he arrives in your chambers, he heard and saw several worried maidservants in the hallway. They all half-bowed at his arrival as his fast and confident footsteps cut through the little crowd. His own heart felt like freezing at the first painful scream he heard, muffled by the walls. Once inside the room, he has the confirmation something is not right. Nurses are all around you, repeating you to breath in and breath out to ease the pain. He can't even see you behind this sea of whitish clothes. He can smell sweat and blood.

"W-W..." You try to articulate in a desperate high-pitched voice as you grab a sheet in a firm grasp. "Where... is..."

"Keep going my Lady, keep going, almost there ! Relax, it will be over soon."

Then a nurse briefly leaves his place, giving Leto a brief view on what is happening. You are sweaty, you face contorted in pain, but also in some fear. You shake your head and he can't quite see if you are crying or not.

"My Duke," whispers a maidservant with a shaky voice and her hands clasped in front of her in a nervous gesture, "it has been going on for a while now. The first baby is trying to get out but something is..."

"Leto ?" Calls a weak voice between two loud grunts.

"I'm here, I'm here." He responds immediately while gettig closer. A nurse lets her place to him with a nod, and he doesn't waste any time before holding your wrist, your face relaxing a bit.

You try to say something but you close your eyes and turn your head away from him, teeth clenched as the nurse standing between your open legs encourages you with a voice getting more and more enthusiastic.

"Keep pushing my Lady, keep going, keep going it's almost there and..."

Your hips move a bit, your grasp around his hand threatens to stop his blood pressure, but as soon as he hears a piercing crying he looks down at the nurse. He can't see his baby before a few seconds, but when he does it's brief. He blinks at the small form in the woman's arms, and feels amazed by how loud this little human already is. It is a small form glistening to the light due to blood and other fluids still sticking to its naked body, mouth open and fists closed in the air. Then your jolt brings his attention back to you, and he encourages you by running his fingers through your sweaty hair. He sees this vein popping and he caresses it as you keep pushing. It takes a while, and fear starts gripping his chest when he sees nurses frowning. He barely hears the doctor saying out loud that the first one is a boy, his eyes not leaving the second little being now in the nurse arms.

There is no sound coming from this one and the woman gives it to a man at her left as she comes back to her place. Leto is having difficulty to breathe now, cold sweat running down his spine under his uniform despite the room overheated with everyone's presence and your burning body. He closes his eyes and lowers his head, resuming his encouragement as he strokes your cheek when he notices you trying to look at your second child.

Then you struggle to give birth to your third child, your exhausted body staying almost limp of not for your chest rising in desperate gulps of air. It takes time and Leto feels like about to faint by how overwhelmed his sense are. The noise of the two babies crying, the nurses, your desperation, the smells, the temperature, and this second baby still silent.

"The third one is a boy !"

The Duke had never seen you in such a weak state before. Complications happened during your pregnancy, yes, but everything seemed to be under control now. He made sure the doctors see you at least twice a day, even only to check your tension or asking you question.

"It's over." You mumble as someone wipes some sweat off your forehead. "It's... it's done..."

"Yes it is my love." Leto says as he watches your closed eyes and the absence of smile on your face. "You did great honey, I'm proud of you."

"Where ?" You ask as you get more agitated in your lethargic state, eyes barely open as you shake your head slowly. "Where is the other one ?"

"The doctor took it to another room my Lady." Answers a nurse with a voice so low it gets covered by the two crying babies, on the tone you use in uncertain times. "To give it more air."

"Leto I couldn't hear it I was too much in pain, is it a boy or a girl ?"

He doesn't know what to answer, his amxious gaze focused on the door that is ajar. Focused is not the right word maybe. His vision is too blurred for this. It just stays on it, seeing the nurse's body in this room, with her head hidden by it. With the noise around he can't know if she is silent or talking. He has no idea and...

Then there is even more noise as the second baby finally joins the cacophony once back in the room. Relief fuels Leto's veins and he gets rid off his vest as the doctor comes directly to you, a wide smile on his face.

"This little girl needed to get her lungs stimulated with a massage but she seems alright. Please be careful my Duke and my Lady, she may try to kick you harder than her brothers."

Despite the strong instinct that presses him to take her in his arm, he gestures the doctor to handle his newborn daughter to you. He doesn't have any word. He can't get his eyes off the crying baby that is so close from him. Her face got cleaned, and her lips move like she isa trying to rawr. Then your faint chuckle brings him back on Arrakis and he lets a huge smile on his face as he watches you rocking your daughter softly as he hears a few people applauding in the hallway as the good news start spreading.

"I see you little one." You coo as the baby calms down a bit, her eyes closed tightly and her arms waving weakly. "You kick me whole night, then you scare me like that and kick the doctor that brought you back to us. I'll keep an eye on you young lady. Count on me and your father."

His heart swells with pride at this last word, then at the little boy handled to him, cleaned too and wearing a grumpy face, his cries getting a bit lower. He turns his head around, his mouth opening and closing often before letting new cries. He was the first one to be born, and is the first one he holds in his arms.

"Hello young man." Mumbles Leto with a smile growing even more at the protesting baby. "I see we have a new generation of Atreides ready to fight no matter what since their birth."

"Once their stomach gets full they'll calm down, there is no reason for them to be different from their father." You taunt your husband with a wink.

He doesn't respond, merely chuckling before seeing the third newborn in the arms of Paul that just came in. The Duke smiles at the adoration in his oldest son's eyes as he tries to grab the baby's hand.

"Is he the one that got a problem ? I heard that one got difficulties." Paul asks with a worried frown as he looks up at you.

"No. No, it was this young and temperamental lady right there." You correct without stopping from looking at her with an exhausted smile. "Look at her, all content now that she has her mom."

At night, you sleep in a room next to the one where your babies are. It is soundproof to let you get some well deserved rest after several medical examination. You enjoyed a good shower, you rehydrated, and can now feel Leto's embrace around you again. Yet, you can't sleep as he listens to you, his hand rubbing your belly.

"It started a few hours before. The contractions you know. I asked them not to tell you in case it was a false alert like last time. I knew you had meetings."

"I already told you this pregnancy and you were my priority." He says before kissing the top of your hair still a little wet from your shower and smelling so good to his nostrils.

"I know. I know Leto."

He keeps touching your belly. It feels important to him. It is this belly that dwelt three of his kids. Three. At the same time. A risky pregnancy under tough surveillance and that almost ended tragically. He already made sure the doctor and the nurses get a significant raise in recognition. He will make sure to tell their names if they want to tomorrow during his official speech. He heard Arrakis applauding these births on the streets at the quick announcement. Everyone congratulated your couple and he smiles at the thought of Paul. He is protective of his siblings.

"You are so brave."

This has you humming questioningly, and he lets his hand on the exact same spot on your belly.

"You decided to keep the three embryos despite the risks the doctor raised. You spent your nights and days in a weakened state with children kicking you, then you had to suffer during several hours. And their birth was anything but easy."

He feels guilty. He feels responsible because he is the one who conceived them with you. Of course he couldn't control how many children you would have and he couldn't believe it when the doctor said he could see three embryos. Three. He knows how it feels to get kicked by someone in a fight, but from the inside by three babys at any hour of the day and night...

"One didn't want to get out without his father next to mom, one didn't want to talk at all because she thinks she is too good for this world, and the third one prefers Paul to us. It will be interesting."

"Interesting, for sure." He chuckles at this thought, relieved you seem able to joke about your daughter.

Yet, he knows you enough to know he has to support you. Indeed her birth in particular shook you. Even if he were not himself, the father, it would be obvious to him. He would like to be more present but soon he will have to go back to his duties. Tomorrow, despite his lightened schedule due to the complications. Everyone around him heard of it and in spite of his attempt to keep control over everything else as well, he got forced to step down of a few responsibilities for a few days. And you, forced rest with constant medical assistance just in case.

"Leto. I'm not against having other children with you but please. Not three. Just one. A smaller one. A calm one. Is it too much to ask ?"

The man doesn't answer for a while, contemplating as he watches your profile. Your eyes are closed, peacefully this time. No vein popping on your forehead. Tiredness but relaxed muscles as well. No frown. You are at peace. Your cheek is pressed against him, giving a slight comical and cute aspect to you face.

"Just ask for a kid and I'll give you one my beloved." He purrs half-jokingly.

"Not now." You protest faintly with a smile. "Not now. Later. I just want to sleep, feel again the pleasure of laying on my belly."

"And what about your husband laying on your belly ?" He asks as he feels his crotch twitching just the slightest.

"Leto, I can't." You chuckle.

"I know I know."

"Next week maybe. But I can't for now."

It's not long before you fall fast asleep, his grin growing at your little snores as you became the little spoon, holding his arm tightly. It is a pleasure to feel you again in his arms, and he will welcome you back against him whenever you want. Having other kids with you ? With pleasure.

@abelslittlebunny @ophelialoveshandsomemen @salome-c @santiagogarcia @anetteaneta @letoatreiides @huxdameron @amneris21 @lady-targaryen @lavenderluna10 @one-hell-of-a-disappointment

- - - -

Thanks for reading, please comment and reblog of you liked it ! 😀

[princessofprocrastination]

Not The Same (GeorgeNotFound)

summary : you put out a song, but it attracted the wrong type of crowd and caused too many misunderstandings.

trigger warnings : threats (including death and doxing), panic attacks, taking of meds. 

"you're THOSE type of fans, huh?" you read the comments on your newest song release.

and that was the start of your downfall.

-

you and your dad really enjoyed singing. at any opportunity you two got, you would be doing a duet.

whether that would be at at a close relative's wedding or your at home karaoke set up, you two knew how to entertain people.

though singing was your passion, you ended up being too busy with school and trying to graduate with a diploma to even think about singing again.

but you swore to make a career of your singing after high school. you just loved it too much.

but then, you didn't go to college for music, which pretty much shocked your parents and your friends since they knew your only passion in life was singing.

but you took a different direction. you still wanted to sing and you were trying your hardest to find a way to make that your career.

someday, anyway. but you needed to have a plan to fall back into in case anything goes wrong.

you were a realist, after all.

so off to college you went.

you spent long hours studying for tests after tests, sat through hours of lectures, did endless amounts of projects.

in the end, it was all worth the wait and fatigue. you graduated top of your class.

you went off to be an intern, clocked in more hours before you could fully go into the next phase of your life.

and after those long hours, you finally made the decision (with the support of your parents) to take a gap year.

but before anyone panics. your gap year was not all fun in games where you took to rest and lay in bed all day.

you took the gap year to see if the music industry fits you. to see if you even had the chance to succeed.

and if it did, you could finally have your dream job. but even if it didn't you were not going to be upset if you needed to fall back onto your backup plan.

in the duration of the gap year, you took voice lessons, and poetry classes for song writing.

and with whatever you have learnt, you took that into writing songs that you felt really relate to your life experiences.

so you spend at least a couple months writing multiple songs.

after almost 2 years, you finally came out with your first song. and it definitely got recognition. more than you thought you'd get, if you were being completely honest.

and that was what pushed you to sit your ass back on your desk to write more, and go into your makeshift studio and make the words into songs.

your parents were ecstatic to hear that you were finally doing the things you loved. and you knew you'd never get this far if it weren't for your family's support.

and so your music journey began.

it was going well for years. you were finally happy doing the one thing you enjoyed doing.

and you definitely think you were good at it. seeing and hearing the positive feedbacks from your family, friends and listeners. 

you felt good. 

but you lost that feeling when you came out with a new single, called ‘fan of you’. 

you spent a while working hard on that song and you felt relieved when it was finally released. it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. 

and you weren’t sure how one thing led to another, if you were being honest. at first, you received good feedback for your new songs. you even gained new listeners and your spotify rank rised. 

but then it didn’t anymore. 

your twitter flooded with mentions and your instagram full of tagged pictures and dms by accounts you’ve never heard of. 

but you noticed a similarity with all of the spam. a guy name george. georgenotfound for short.

you being you, you looked into it. and that was when all of the information hit you. and all you had to look up was your name on twitter, and there it was, the longest thread of tweets you have ever seen in your life. 

you took time to read it all, trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial. 

there must be an understanding. you didn’t know this guy name george. you’ve seen his face on pinterest once a while when you scrolled, yes. but you never looked into him. 

this amazing person took their time to gather every bit of information there was about the scandal, which you were grateful for, or else you’d be scouring the internet for hours. 

to summarise what you read, there was this artist by the name of tia jade who came out with a song a few months prior to yours called ‘just a fan.’ 

it was a good song, some say, and you could agree. it was professionally written and produced. but many fans of george found out that the song was about him. 

not just about him, but about her falling in love with him, when she has never met him. and when his fans started to really listen and analyse the song, it got creepier. 

basically, the song was about a fan falling in love with a celebrity/content creator and that they want to know them beyond their persona online. 

but tia had apologised a little after the song came out, saying that she made that song based on a fan liking a content creator, and not about her falling for george. 

but when you read enough of the issue, it definitely did seem like she was making that song to tell her story about falling for george. but she obviously needed an excuse to cover it up. 

hence the apology. 

and then you read about how they analysed your song, too.

they compared your song to tia’s and found it to have similar stories. stories about how a normal girl is falling in love with the man by the name of george, who had millions of followers on all social medias. 

and if you admitted it to yourself, your song did seem to come out that way. especially if your mentality had been there. clearly your song could have been interpreted in many different ways. 

you scrolled to the very bottom of the thread where there was a video of the man himself, george. he was addressing the issue. 

“i don’t know how this happened twice. i thought once was weird enough, but.” he paused, focusing on building something on his screen. 

“having heard of a song being about me again now makes my skin crawl.” he finished. it was short but enough to make his fans understand where he was coming from. 

you scrolled further to see the replies of the thread. you wanted to know what were people saying about it. 

and you definitely regretted your decision to do that. 

threats everywhere. death threats, threats of beating you up, threats of doxing you. god the negative comments were drowned by the one’s that genuinely thought nothing wrong of your song. 

you called you mom. this was the time you needed her advice. you needed to be told what to do. you didn’t want to accidentally trigger people. 

you and her were on the phone for hours. she listened to you cried to her. she heard the painful sobs that came out of your mouth whenever you reminded yourself of what people were calling you on the internet. 

she heard you cry silently on call when you saw your address and phone number being leaked on twitter. 

but even through all of that, you joked around with your mom. “well, this was a hell of a way to be trending.” 

you did what she told you to do. get a new phone number, stay in a hotel for a couple days while you try to settle the raging crowd of georgenotfound fans down. 

in the span of a couple weeks, you got yourself a new number, a new house and a new car. you weren’t taking any chances. 

you told no one besides your mom of the new changes, just to be safe. 

and no, the threats did not cease. at all. these people did not have a life, constantly up in your dms, telling you to jump off a cliff or them hoping that a robber stabs you and leaves you dying. 

you took your time trying to figure out a way to talk to george. or a way to speak out about this. 

you didn’t want to write a half-assed notes app paragraph apologising when- first of all, you had nothing to apologise for and second, you had too much to say to fit it all in a notes app. 

lucky for you, you didn’t need to start your own channel or make a sit down video on your own. 

your recording label had brought up the idea of a documented series about you and how you became a singer about a year ago, and only started filming and posting the episodes a couple months prior on youtube. 

so you took the series to your advantage. you pitched in the idea to your manager, to which she agreed to immediately, knowing that it was best you talked about it now. 

this was how it played out on the perspective of viewers who watched that episode. 

“bless you.” your producer says after you paused your singing in the mic as you stopped to sneeze. 

you gave him a smile and a thumbs up from inside the booth. 

the camera cuts to another clip. 

the cameraman pans as they captured movers coming in and out of your old house, picking up your heavy furniture and boxes into large trucks to move into the new place.

 it cuts again. this time it shows you scrolling on your phone with a focused face while your manager types something vigorously on her computer. 

the camera tries to focus on your phone, and sees that you were on twitter, reading a lot of tweets under your name. 

you exited the app and slide it away, going into youtube next, reading the comments on your song ‘fan of you’. 

you scrolled far, clicking on some of the comments, trying to read the replies to certain comments you saw. 

the camera cuts into a black screen. which then cuts again into a new scene, where you sat on your new kitchen counter talking to your mother, who sat on the chair in front of you. 

your hair was up in a ponytail. a messy one. you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed far too big on you, and your feet covered with fluffy socks.

you were nodding to whatever she was saying to you. it was clear your mind was elsewhere as your eyes were unfocused. 

the scene cuts again. 

you were seen on the couch, your legs were tucked into your arms and your head down, body shaking. it was obvious you were crying. 

you were alone, your mother no where to be seen. 

that was the first time the camera caught you crying. 

the scene cuts as you were going to get up from the couch. 

now, you were in the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then walking to your room upstairs. 

the camera follows behind you slowly into your room. 

it hadn’t been the cleanest. there were a couple shirts on the floor, your bed undone, cups on your side table, your laptop open on your desk. 

you were seen opening a drawer, taking out a small white bottle. you unscrewed the bottle and took out 2 pills, popping them in your mouth, drinking water straight away after that to swallow. 

the scene cuts again. 

this time, you were seated on the couch in the studio, the atmosphere dark and quiet. 

your hair was more kept this time, being help up in a clip. 

you were wearing straight jeans and a slightly oversized sweatshirt. you looked more refreshed this time. but it was obvious you hadn’t slept in a while because of your eyes.

your eyes that usually held a lot of happiness and joy turned dull. 

“it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to a camera.” you offered a small smile. your song ‘just a fan’ was playing in the background of the clip. 

the scene cuts again. 

“when i released that song, i was genuinely proud of the work i had done.” you paused for a while. besides the song playing in the background, it was silent. 

“but i guess the joy didn’t last very long.” the scene cuts there. 

it transitioned to a collage of what people were saying about you. it showed clips of people talking about it on youtube. they even showed george talking about it. 

and it cuts again. 

it showed a different clip this time. a clip of your ex boyfriend and you at the beach on a picnic, that was taken by a close friend of yours. 

this was when you were still in college. 

it showed all the fun memories you two made while you were still together. 

it showed a video of him studying in the library, flipping through his papers and scrolling through his laptop. it was clear he was hard at work, not noticing you filming him. 

but then the scene cuts again. and the music turned somber. 

your ex boyfriend’s grave. 

it was the day you were visiting him. you sat down next to his stone, a blanket under you. 

you were just staring at his stone, not moving. 

and it cuts again. 

“he was one of the most driven person i have ever met.” you told the camera. 

“he knew when to be serious and when to have fun.” you looked down in your hands and played with your rings. 

“all he ever talked about was becoming a surgeon. he worked hard in his intern years and continued being passionate through his residency.” you spoke up. 

“people had only nice things to say about him. the only bad thing they would say about him is that he can be pretty uptight sometimes, especially when he was stressed about something.” you laughed a little. 

“i was a huge fan of him, even when we just saw each other in the hallways. he’s just amazing. i’ve always wanted to be just like him.”

“i wanted to write a song about him but i didn’t the song to be sad.” you said. 

“and that was when the song ‘fan of you’ was created. 

the scene cuts there and goes into another. 

you were in the recording booth again, this time, you were singing into the mic. 

the camera pans to your producer and manager dancing and bobbing their heads to the beat. 

the scene cuts, officially ending it with a black screen with ‘the end’ in a fancy white font. 

you busied yourself with writing new songs as your name got trended again on twitter. 

and george has never felt worse about himself ever in his entire life. 

-

he watched the episode as soon as dream sent it to him. 

“you’re an asshole, george.” dream sends to him, along with the link of the video on youtube. 

as the video ends, he decides to read the comments, wondering what it was like down there. 

it was the worse mistake he had ever made in a while. 

but he knew he deserved it. he did assumed it was about him, just like the last song made with a drawing of his glasses as their cover photo on spotify. 

this time, there was genuinely no reason to think that this song was about him, or anyone with a following whatsoever. he just believed what his chat told him. 

sure, there were some familiarity of the character in your song and him, but the world did have 7.6 billion people living on it. 

“so, here i am apologising.” george says to his camera, live. his tone was very sincere and apologetic. 

“this shouldn’t have gotten this far. they shouldn’t have gotten threats at all, let alone death threats. they shouldn’t have woken up to the world knowing where they live and what their phone number is.” 

“and if you’re watching. i sincerely apologise. i clearly was full of myself.” george finishes. ending the live with a small wave. 

and were you watching? hell yes. 

and that was the day the two of you followed each other on instagram. 

he used your songs as his intros of his live, (with your permission, of course.) you showed in your documentary that you were watching whenever he was live or watching his youtube videos. 

and that was the start to a beautiful relationship. 

you sat on the chair, going live. you waved as people started joining. it went from hundreds, to thousands in seconds. 

as you were talking and clicking on your keyboard and mouse, playing a game, you felt arms around your shoulders. 

you smiled, yet continued playing. 

“why are you live on my account?” he laughs. 

you disconnected the headphones so that he could hear what you were hearing. 

“george, you’re being replaced.” dream said on discord. 

george smiles, giving you a kiss on the top of your head. “that was well deserved.” 

[jeongvision]

bandaids

synopsis. in the midst of finals season, where routine takes over your lifestyle, you find solace in the voice of your most important person that always seem to know when you’re at your breaking point.

pairing. boyfriend! kim doyoung ✗ student! fem! reader

genre. fluff, angst, slice of life, hurt/comfort, college au, non idol au, established relationship au

word count. 1.8k words

warnings. cursing, mentions of anxiety, depictions of a mental breakdown

song. bandaids by keshi

author’s note. after looking at my calendar, it has come to my attention that it’s that time of the year: finals season. i just want to let all of you know that you are doing a great job. you made it this far and i’m proud of you. i promise you, you will get through this. hopefully this could give comfort in the midst of your studies. love you all.

friends of flowers fragile silence stand beside you stop your crying

If there is one thing that all college students could agree on, it’s that finals seasons are the absolute worst thing to ever go through in college. You’re constantly spending every night at the library with your eyes glued onto your textbooks, your brain rushing to keep up in retaining all the pertinent information needed for your exams. You’re devoting hours onto your laptop with your fingers typing away on your keyboard, internet tabs and pages cluttering your screen as you rush to reach the minimum page count required for your courses.

So many times you have declined all your friends’ requests for study dates or a simple get-together because you just don’t have the luxury to. As much as you’d love to take a break from your studies, you feel like you’re running out of time. It has gotten to the point where your boyfriend has to remind you every now and then to take breaks as he gets concerned for your well-being. And just when you thought you were done with one exam or assignment, you look back on your planner only to find out that there’s more to complete. It’s like your pile just doesn’t seem to lessen with each passing day, your mentality on the brink of collapse.

Just where is the end to all of this?

You are currently perched over your desk, packets of case studies splayed out on top of your corrections textbook. Your laptop screen shines bright at the corner, documents filled with infinitesimal texts and numbers. To your right lies your essential oil diffuser, planted right on your nightstand with fumes of aroma wafting through the air. You took your best friend’s suggestion in purchasing an aromatherapy diffuser to help relieve some stress you’ve accumulated from your studies. Lavender should help out, she said. But to your dismay, you don’t feel a single ounce of it lifting from your shoulders. Forcing your brain to believe its effective properties only puts your head more into a strain.

That’s when you felt a sharp pain rip through your skull. ‘Great,’ you groaned to yourself, ‘another fucking headache.’ You dropped your pen on your notebook and rubbed your fatigued eyes, the pressure from your fingertips massaging away. “God, I can’t wait for this semester to be over with already.”

Crossing your arms, you found your phone lying in the middle of your bed. You forgot that you left it on ‘do not disturb’, finally realizing why you didn’t hear your phone ring in the past few hours. You grabbed your phone off your bed. 2:58 am, it reads. Unlocking your phone, you skimmed through your notifications, your fingers swiftly responding to certain messages cluttered up in your phone until you reached to this one particular conversation:

hey babe (sent by doie <3, 11:01pm)

hope you’re eating your meals and drinking water (sent by doie <3, 11:01pm)

just want to let you know that i’m proud of you (sent by doie <3, 11:02pm)

always am and always will (sent by doie <3, 11:02pm)

love you (sent by doie <3, 11:02pm)

You could feel a smile blooming on your lips. It has been a while since you’ve seen Doyoung, let alone hear his voice. Is it too late to call him? ‘He might be sleeping,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Should I?’ Biting your lip, you mustered up the courage and decided to call him. Placing your phone against your ear, you awaited his call. The sound reverberates through your eardrums, the anticipation of having your call picked up diminishing with each passing ring. And just when you were about to give up, the tune stops short on its last ring.

“Hello?” a deep voice croaks.

You softly smile at the sound of his voice. “Hey,” you whispered. “Did I… wake you up?”

“No, no.” You hear him shuffling on his end, to what you could assume to be from his movements in his bed sheets. “Not at all, baby.” You couldn’t help but let out a giggle, touched over the fact he’s easing your guilt of awakening him from his much-needed slumber. “What’s wrong? You need something?”

You shrugged your shoulders, a habit you’ve developed when talking on the phone with someone. “No, not really.” You run your fingers through your hair before rubbing the nape of your neck. “I just missed you, that’s all.”

He lets out a tired chuckle. “I missed you, too.”

You hum a little, “How are your finals?”

He scoffs. “Shit.”

“Not surprised,” you giggled. “You only have one more left, right?”

“Yeah. Chem 4. After that, I’m ready to sleep for a whole week straight.”

“Can I join you in your sleeping session?”

“You most certainly can.”

You both shared a laugh, your mind finally distracted from the strenuous documents that resided on top of your desk. “I call dibs on being the small spoon.”

He chortles. “You’re funny.”

“Hey! It’s only fair.”

“That’s what you said when you ate my share of fries the other week.”

His voice was much livelier than before, fully awakened from his rest now. You missed the jolly feeling you’d get when you talked to him. All those days and nights spent by his side where nothing else mattered in the world except for your boyfriend, whispering loving affirmations to you just like always. You really did miss him, and you can’t wait for this semester to be over to spend quality time with him again.

“Hey, y/n?” he called out.

“Hm?”

“You know that all I ever ask of you is to be honest with me?”

Your smile drops. You know where this is going, and frankly, you’re not sure if you’re ready to have this conversation again. Time after time, he would start a conversation with that question followed by his ongoing concerns wrapped in his mind. Sometimes he would ask for your second opinion, but most of the time they were diverted to you, his forever lover. And you knew this time, this is going to be about you.

Your free hand fiddled with the ends of your finger as you chew on your lip again, your eyes peering down to your lap.

“... yes,” you murmured.

You could hear your heart beating through your ears, the silence deafening the space that encompassed you around. Neither one of you uttered a sound to the other, too afraid to whisper through the thick tension planted in the air. Outside your dorm, there are muffled footsteps fading in and out by your door, most likely from your dorm neighbors coming back from another one of their library sessions. He lets out a soft sigh on his end, not one filled with annoyance, but filled with worry, his attention all focused onto you.

“... are you okay?”

And just like that, you felt the dam inside you crumble to ashes. The mask that you’ve held from the past few weeks is finally dissolving, the facade released from its shackles. Weeks of putting up a front, telling yourself that everything is okay, is now coming to end. ‘I’m fine,’ you would say to yourself. ‘This is nothing, I can handle this myself.’

Oh but darling, there’s only so much you could take in. Not everyone is perfect, and not everyone is indestructible. May we all be human, for we laugh, cry, smile, frown, scream, shout, cheer.

Tears burned through your eyelids, blurring your line of vision as you tried to hold yourself together. You shakily let out a sigh. “.... no,” your voice cracks. Another deep sigh, and you felt a tear drip down your cheek. “I’m… I’m tired, Doyoung.” More tears cascade down your cheeks, bringing your sleeves up to wipe them away with each drop. “I’m exhausted, Doyoung. I’m tired.. of all of this. I’m—”

With the phone still pressed against your ear, you sobbed into the night, finally pouring all your boxed-in emotions out to your lover. You cried out your frustrations, your anger, your desolace. Long have your soul been used to routine that you forgot what warmth felt like. To be cared for, watched for, and loved for.

Your sleeves soaked up all your tears, your eyelids certainly swollen from the sudden rush. You take even breaths, calming yourself down from your breakdown. Throughout your cries, never once did Doyoung strayed away from you, ears firmly pressed against his ear. He took in all, every last drop to mitigate the cold shell you’ve developed over time. He said nothing, only offering his presence as a sort of comfort to you for the time being. Once silence took over, all your tears spent, that’s when he spoke up.

“You did well, y/n.”

You breathing hitches for a moment, heart skipping a beat from his words.

“I’m so, so proud of you, y/n. You made it this far into the semester and for that, I’m proud of you.”

And alas, your smile returns. Minuscule it may be, but it’s more than what you could ask for. The feeling of having your shoulders lifted from your burdens made you feel like you could fly again, soar up in the clouds. Your best friend certainly knows how to cheer you up the most.

“Sorry about all of that,” you chuckled.

“Don’t be sorry.”

You shook your head. “No, I am. You literally just heard me have a breakdown and cry with snots all over the place—”

“I don’t give a damn about all of that, y/n.” There’s a slight shuffle on his end. “I love you for you, and that’s never going to change. I will love you at your lowest, and I will love you at your highest. Even when you feel like there’s no hope left in this world, I will bring you back to earth and hold you and remind you that you are hope.”

Just when you thought you had no more tears left in your system, you could feel the waterworks starting again. You bite down on your lower lip, desperately holding it in as love overcomes you.

“You did well, y/n. Only two more finals to go and you’re finally free.”

You wipe away the stray tear that befallen on your cheek. “Thank you, Doyoung. Really.”

“Now go out there and kick some ass for me, alright? Show those professors who’s the boss around here.”

You giggled. With your two fingers on your temple, you did an informal salute. “Yes, sir.”

“That’s my girl.”

Let this be a reminder to you, to all, that there will always be one person that will love you at your lowest, and will always be there to help pick you back up.

i’m afraid that bandaids are no good for heartache not okay, so tell me when your world is falling down

[whatisthiswritingthing]

When in Houston - Part Two - Alex Morgan x Reader

Part two to When in Houston. 

Little long, smidgen of angst, more feels. 

Alex had tried to remain at the hospital during the surgery, wanting to be there when Y/N got out of surgery. Kelley and Allie had finally convinced the forward she would be better showered, rested, and fed for the other forward. So she had reluctantly gone back to the hotel, waiting for the hospital to call when Y/N would be ready for visitors.

The hospital didn’t phone until late that evening, reassuring Alex that Y/N was out of surgery and was fine, but would not be able to have any visitors until early the next morning. Alex had tried to argue with the nurse on the phone with no success, the nurse gently informed her that Y/N was heavily sedated from surgery and under strong pain killers and wouldn’t be coherent until the morning. This did nothing to settle the soccer players nerves, Kelley and Allie again had to step in and keep Alex from storming the hospital.

The two friends did their best to not push Alex, desperately wanting to know about the relationship, Allie wanting to know more about the interaction she had seen earlier at the stadium. They also managed to keep the rest of the team out of the room to avoid any other players asking questions that weren’t Alex’s to answer.

Alex made her way to the hospital as soon as she could the next morning, remaining by Y/N’s side the as much as possible. She only left the long enough for team events and when the nurses would kick her out at the end of the night. Y/N was still fairly medicated for majority of the time, causing her to drift in and out of sleep.

Players came in and out during the week, Alex vigilant by her bedside the entire time. Sharp looks from Kelley and Allie stopped many other players from asking too many questions about the relationship; each fighting their own strong urge to ask. Y/N would try and fight sleep as other players would visit, Alex kicking many of the young players out, only allowing those closest to Y/N to remain.

After the fourth day, Alex returned to the hospital after practice to witness Y/N arguing with a nurse.

“Just get me whatever paperwork I need, I’m leaving,” Y/N was propped up her bed, frustration clear in her tone.

“Y/N, we can’t release you yet. We have discharge and transport plans for two days from now,” the nurse tried to calmly explain.

The team would be playing their last game the next day, travelling home the day after that. Alex, the team, and the hospital had all orchestrated a plan to get Y/N as comfortably as possible.

“I don’t care about two days from now, I want to leave now. So get me whatever paperwork to sign,” Y/N said, struggling to slide her way out of the bed.  

Alex rushed fully into the room, pushing her hands on Y/N’s hips to stop the motion while the nurse pressed her shoulders. Y/N struggled against both of them, but the pain and medication making it easy for the two to keep her in bed. Fatigue quickly won out and Y/N sagged back into the bed with a small heave.

The nurse quickly rushed to readjust Y/N’s injured leg while Alex pressed a firm hand to the middle of Y/N’s chest.

“What the hell are you trying to do?” Alex questioned the young defender, giving a sharp look to the nurse, before softening and looking back to Y/N.

“I want to leave,” Y/N said firmly.

The nurse moved away, remaining in the room to help fill in any blanks.

“Y/N/N, you are exhausted just from trying to get out of bed, you aren’t going anywhere,” Alex was confused. Y/N had been so compliant since the surgery, she struggled to accept the help, but never outright fought it. Alex could understand her wanting to leave the hospital, but everyone had agreed it would be better for her to remain there than the hotel until they left for Orlando.

“I want to leave,” Y/N tried to say firmly, suppressing a yawn.

Alex left her hand on Y/N’s chest, resting her other along her jaw.

Behind the agitation, Alex could see the fear behind the mask. Feel the tension over the pain. The way Y/N’s eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape. Y/N brought her hand up, gripping the wrist wresting on her chest; the grip almost painful at how tight it was. It was the most alert Y/N had been since her surgery. Alex softened immediately after taking in her girlfriend.

“What’s going on love?” Alex whispered softly.

“Nothing, I’m fine, I want to leave,” Y/N attempted to remain firm, unable to make eye contact with the brunette.

The nurse slipped out of the room when she realized her patient would no longer try and escape.

Keeping her hand on Y/N’s chest, Alex blindly reached back for the chair, tugging it as close to the bed as she could. Y/N turned her head to look away, Alex let her. The two remained in silence while Y/N continued to fight sleep, having pulled Alex’s hand off her chest, fidgeting with her fingers with both hands on her belly.

Alex knew Y/N would tell her what was going on, but clearly needed time to process. Y/N rolled her head to look at Alex twice before looking away.

“You want to be here, right?” Y/N softly, her chin dropping to her chest.

“What? I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” Alex declared adamantly, flipping her hand over, stilling Y/N’s fidgeting hands.

“You should focus on the game tomorrow, not here with me. I’m good to go, I can take a flight back tonight,” Y/N tried to pull her hands away, only for Alex to pin both to Y/N’s stomach.

“What happened while I was gone?”

“Nothing,” Y/N turned her head away again. “Phelycia showed up,” she whispered lowly.

“She showed up here?” Alex tightened her hold on Y/N’s hands, irritation leaking into her tone.

“I’m sorry Alex,” Y/N tried to forcefully pull her hands away. “I didn’t want her here, I promise Alex. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Alex brought their joined hands to her mouth, kissing her knuckles, then opened Y/N’s hand so her palm was open, pressing it against her own chest now.

“I know you didn’t Y/N,” Alex said sincerely, cutting off the start of an apologetic ramble. “I know. And I am not mad at you, I am mad at her for showing up here, and I am mad I wasn’t here to protect you. But I am not mad at you.” She repeats the last part firmly, making sure Y/N knows she means it.

Y/N could only nod, tears welling in her eyes, refusing to fall.

“What did she want?”

“Umm I don’t know, I think I had a panic attack,” she admitted, ashamed. “But I think there was something about got what I deserved for leaving. Umm you, that you, that um, you would leave.”

Her brows furrowed while she tried to remember what all was said.

“The nurse came in and she left, I don’t think she was here long. I can’t remember.”

“Did she hurt you?” Alex tensed, not overly wanting the answer.

“I don’t think so,” Y/N shook her head, “but these meds make everything so fuzzy.”

Alex nodded her head, processing what she was told. She slowly got out of her chair, Y/N panicked and tightened their clasped hands.

“Shh relax babe,” Alex soothed, “I’m just coming into the bed.”

Alex pried their hands apart, climbing into the bed as gently as she could. Pulling the girl as close to her chest as she could. Alex had learned early in their relationship that while Y/N was nervous of contact, once she was comfortable, she craved it. Alex squeezed both Y/N’s biceps, compressing them into her chest.

“I am not going anywhere Y/N,” Alex whispered directly into Y/N’s ear, placing a gentle kiss on the tip. “I love you Y/N.” She moved to kiss her temple. It had been the first time she told Y/N, worried saying it earlier would frighten then young defender, but knew now was the right time, that Y/N needed to hear it. She knew she wouldn’t hear it back, at least not anytime soon, and she was ok with that.

Alex wanted to say more but could already feel the younger woman going limp in her arms as she finally drifted off to sleep.

“Should we lock up the wheelchairs?” the nurse entered the room quietly.

“I don’t think so,” Alex whispered, shaking her head, making no move to get off the bed.

She nodded and made her way to recheck Y/N’s leg now that she had settled, moving up to check the IV when she was confident the leg was okay before slipping back out of the room.

That was how Kelley, Allie, Emily, and Kristie found them an hour later, the group crashing loudly into the room.

“I will kill every single one of you if you wake her up,” Alex whispered harshly at the loud group.

The four all halted where they were, silently awing at the way the defender clung to Alex in her sleep. Allie pulling her phone out to snap a quick picture.

“How’s she doing?” Kelley asked softly.

“She tried to escape this afternoon,” Alex said absentmindedly, running her fingers through Y/N’s hair  

“What, why?” Emily asked shocked, the other defender had been so agreeable all week.

Alex hesitated, realizing she had opened a line of questioning she wasn’t interested in talking about.

“What happened Janice?” Allie pushed.

“My ex showed up,” Y/N mumbled into Alex’s chest.

“Phelycia?” Kristie noticeably tensed.

The other three shared confused looks while Alex and Kristie made eye contact, Y/N just nodded into Alex’s chest.

“I’ll kill her,” the midfielder said gruffly.

“Who’s Phelycia?” Aliie asked, confused.

Kristie moved closer to the bed, sitting in the chair Alex had pulled up to the bed, placing a hand on Y/N’s thigh. Y/N’s tightened her grip on Alex’s shirt.

“The reason I left Houston.”

“A shitty human being,” Kristie mumbled.

Everyone else nodded along, being able to piece a little bit together with the minimal information. The three other soccer players could see now was not the time to not push at the time though. Emily and Kelley quickly joking and working to pull a smile out of the injured woman in the bed. Alex giving them both grateful looks when she felt Y/N’s relax in her arms again.

“I can’t decide if I am mad or impressed you kept it from us this long,” Allie pointed at the couple.

“Impressed!” Kelley jumped in, “this team is nosey as fuck, anyone who can keep a relationship quiet for more than a week is impressive, let alone two on the team.”

“I will end you if you hurt her,” Kristie said dangerously, looking up at Alex.

“Kris,” Y/N bristled, nudging her with her knee.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Alex squeezed Y/N.

Alex could feel Y/N burrowing herself back into her chest, trying to stifle her yawns again.

“Go back to sleep love, we aren’t going anywhere,” Alex encouraged. Y/N just nodded, already drifting off knowing she was safe.

After that day, Alex had managed to convince one of the staff to remain with Y/N at all times. Y/N didn’t attempt to leave after that and two days later Alex, Emily, Ali, and Ashlyn were making their way through the Orlando airport with an exhausted Y/N after a long day of travel.

Alex had decided without talking to Y/N that she would be moving herself into Y/N’s house while she fully recovered, her mobility still very limited. When they arrived at Y/N’s house, with the help of Emily, Y/N was gently deposited on the couch, where she quickly fell asleep.

“You sure you don’t need to me to stay too?” Emily asked, full of concern. The two young defenders had grown close over years of national team time and more so when she came to Orlando.

“Sonny, I think I can handle Y/N on my own,” Alex chuckled.

“No, no, I know you can,” Emily sighed, “I’m just worried, you know? She had been doing so well lately.”

Emily too had noticed the change in Y/N, but had been unsure how to approach her, then things began to look up. After seeing the adverse reaction Y/N had just to her ex showing up at the hospital, Emily regretted not pushing more sooner.

Alex’s eyes softened at the younger woman.

“You can come visit anytime you want Son,” Alex pulled her into a hug, leading her out of the house.

Leaving the other woman to sleep, Alex began unpack from there weeks gone, starting laundry and preparing everything to help Y/N bathe. After everything was ready to go for the bath and after it, she made her way to Y/N to wake her up.

“Hey gorgeous, wake up and lets get you in the shower,” Alex gently rubbed her chest to rouse her

Y/N groaned, trying to turn her head into the back of the couch.

“You can go back to sleep after the shower babe, we’ll get you some soup and pain killers too.”

Y/N again, but started to struggle to get up, grimacing in pain. The trip home had been long and incredibly painful, but she knew a bath would help her feel much better after the long day of travel.

Alex gently helped Y/N to stand, placing her crutches under her arms, the two began the slow trek to the bathroom.

“I’m not going to be able to sit in the tub Al,” Y/N moaned, disappointed at the realization when they entered the bathroom.

“I know beautiful. We will have a quick shower together, you just need to stand there, and I’ll do all the work,” Alex leaned Y/N against the counter, began undressing herself.

“Sexy,” Y/N deadpanned

Alex ignored her and turned to turn on the water on to warm up, before beginning to help undress her girlfriend. Alex moved everything to be in arms reach, preparing the shower as best she could.

The two worked together to get Y/N in the shower and cleaned, Y/N making little quips throughout. By the end she stood silent while Alex worked, Alex could feel her beginning to shake. She sped up and rushed to get Y/N out before fell. They worked to get her out of the shower, Alex sat her on the toilet, wrapping her in a towel before she started to change the bandage around the soft cast on her leg which would remain on until the staples were removed and the cast world be replaced with a hard plaster.

Alex quickly dressed, dropping to her knees and started to remove the gauze around the injured leg. Wincing when the angry red skin started to show. Alex gently wiped the incision to ensure it was fully dry, inspecting for any sign of infection before reapplying the fresh gauze and temporary cast plaster.

Standing up, Alex saw the amount of pain Y/N was in. Jaw clenched, eyes squeezed shut, fists clenched along the seams of the towel, head tilted towards the roof. Alex knelt again, pulling shorts on, leaving them loose to be pulled up fully when ready. Tugging the towel away, Alex pulled a sports bra and t-shirt over her head, then put both Y/N’s hands on her shoulder while her went to her hips to stand her up. Y/N tucked her face into Alex’s neck while the forward pull her shorts up before passing her her crutches again.

“Let’s get you into bed, I have your pain killers and water ready there.”

Y/N nodded, Alex dropped a towel to pick up any remaining water, kicking it out of the way as they made slow work towards the bedroom. Alex winced at every sound and expression of pain Y/N showed; the normally stoic woman not even hiding her pain at this point.

They both let out a loud sigh of relief when they finally had the defender settled into the bed. Alex immediately opened the pain killers, dropping them into Y/N’s hand who quickly swallowed them, not even waiting for water.

Y/N leaned back, intending to sleep.

“Don’t sleep yet babe, you need to eat with these remember,” Alex lightly ran her thumb along her jaw. “I’ll heat up some soup and then we can both go to sleep.

Y/N just nodded, willing the pain killers to kick in sooner.

Alex returned a few minutes later, seeing Y/N still awake, she handed her the large mug of soup. Alex moved to settle in the bed next to her, eating her own soup.

The two ate in silence, both exhausted from the trip. After finishing, Alex took the dishes back to the kitchen before returning back to the bedroom, turning the lights off along the way before getting under the covers again.

They shuffled as best they good to comfortable, finding some way to hold each other.

“I love you too, just so you know,” Y/N whispered once they settled. “I heard you in the hospital, I’m sorry I didn’t say it back, I couldn’t, I,”

Alex cut her off with a gentle kiss.

“I don’t care, I didn’t expect you to say it back. I just needed you to know I loved you. I love you.”

Alex placed another kiss on her lips.

“I love you too.”

[whereisten]

Heal

A Kun fic that’s part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: Doctor Qian Kun is a young and successful doctor who works miracles. And you are no exception when you become his patient.

Pairing: Doctor! Kun x female reader

Genre: romance, angst, fantasy, horror

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings: blood, manipulation

(A/N: Thank you guys so much for your support with our Halloween fics! Hope you enjoy the adventures of y/n and Doctor Kun!)

___

You were no stranger to visits to the Neo Hospital in your hometown. When you were a baby, you basically lived at the hospital. You were prone to colds and fevers. You always experienced body aches and fatigue. You were born with a chronic autoimmune disorder that left many doctors baffled. They were only able to provide you with medications to alleviate your pains temporarily. You were confined to stay at home, to be homeschooled by your parents, and make friends online. Your childhood was far from normal.

You were a college junior now and you’ve been strictly online. If it wasn’t for the Internet, you probably would’ve lost your mind by now.

You had contact with the outside world but not physical contact. It’s what you longed for the most.

You resented your family. Your older and younger siblings could go out whenever they pleased. How did they get so lucky? Why were you the only sibling that got the short end of the stick?

Everyone in your family always interacted with you carefully, using hand sanitizer and always washing their hands prior to helping you with something. They treated you like a fine, porcelain doll that had to be preserved. It was irritating on your best days and unbearable on your worst. You felt like an abomination sometimes.

However, throughout the years, you would rebel. You would run away from home when your parents eyes wandered for a moment. The farthest you’d get before getting caught was the park. You were lucky that you didn’t develop any harsh symptoms from those times you ran away. However, you would be punished for taking such risks. You’d get your phone and internet privileges taken away for a month every time.

Last week, you succeeded in your most ambitious escape yet: you made it to Target to buy the new Ariana Grande CD. You thought that the one trip to Target couldn’t hurt you. By no means was it crowded and no one got into your space.

Well, you were wrong to think that you’d be fine.

Now you came down with a fever and you’d been placed on bed rest at your all-too familiar Room 1196 on the eleventh floor of the hospital.

You resented your body. A lot of people could recover from a fever and carry on with their day-to-day lives but you? Not so much.

Your parents made a whole spectacle of getting you to be seen by the best doctors but these doctors couldn’t help you the way you’d hoped.

However, this time, you awoke the next morning after your intake and felt...nothing.

Like you never had a fever in the first place.

You spent the morning checking your social media. Your crush/online classmate Sicheng was on a weekend hiking trip with his friends. He was with a bunch of beautiful, healthy people in North Carolina. You were even more bummed to be in the hospital now.

You wondered what life would be like if you didn’t have your condition. Where could you have gone? Who would you be now?

You’ve always wanted to go to the beach by yourself. To the supermarket. Hell, across the street. You wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere. Without anyone coddling you and watching your every move.

You wished for freedom from the body you were born with. To find a new one, somehow.

Because you had no hope for your current body to change.

“Y/n? Can I come in?” A male voice was heard from the door.

“Sure.” You sat upright on the bed.

The person at the door entered and he was the prettiest healthcare provider you’d ever laid your eyes on. He had warm, brown eyes and a radiant smile. His dark blue hair was wavy.

Suddenly, you regretted not brushing your hair that morning.

He donned a lab coat with the hospital’s name on it. His name tag was in a lanyard: Dr. Qian Kun, MD, DOM, PharmD.

He looked very young...And to have all of those titles? Your head was spinning.

He frowned as he saw how confused you looked. “Are you alright?”

You nodded. “I am.”

He sat on the chair beside your bed. “It’s nice to meet you, y/n. I’m Dr. Qian Kun but you can call me Kun.”

You blinked a few times. “Are you really a doctor?”

He laughed, confused. “What?”

“You don’t seem that much older than me…”

He sighed. “I get that a lot. I’m twenty-four. I graduated early from university...Earned my titles...Now here I am.”

“That’s amazing. You are probably the youngest doctor ever.”

Kun shook his head. “Afraid not. Bala Ambati became a doctor at seventeen.”

You shook your head. “Still...You have three doctorates. That means triple the sleep deprivation. Hats off to you.”

Kun chuckled as he looked at your information in his clipboard. “Your vitals have improved a lot since yesterday.”

You looked down at your hands. “Yeah...That’s impossible…”

Kun shook his head, noting how down you looked. “It is possible, y/n.”

You met his gaze. “How?”

He smiled. “Are you familiar with oriental medicine?”

He sure was charming, you thought. You reminded yourself to answer his question. “No, I’m not.”

Kun got up from his seat. “Well, there are many different practices that a doctor of oriental medicine can utilize, like acupuncture, meditation, and herbal therapy...To restore harmony to the human body. I specialize in herbal therapy.”

“I see…”

“I have created an herbal mixture that has worked efficiently to get my patients back up on their feet.”

Incredulous still, you managed to say, “That’s great, Doctor.”

He lifted an eyebrow.

“I mean, Kun.”

Kun resumed, “And I‘ve provided you with the herbal mixture and from the looks of it, the results have quickly taken effect.”

You were speechless. “That’s…”

“I know it’s hard to believe, y/n. But sometimes doctors fail to find other alternatives to help their patients. Which is why I’m glad I’m your primary physician now.”

“Wait, what about Doctor Morris?” Doctor Morris had been your primary physician since you were five years old.

“She’s retired. I’ve been taking on a couple of her patients now.”

“I see…”

Kun looked out your room’s window and smiled to himself. “You don’t trust me.”

“Don’t take it personally. I don’t trust any medical professional. No one has been able to understand my condition yet so…”

Kun replied, “You’ve been let down too many times.”

“Exactly. Doctors just can’t figure me out.”

He turned to you and grinned. “Allow me to prove you wrong, then.”

___

At the recommendation of Doctor Kun, you were assigned to stay in the hospital for the next few weeks to see how the herbal mixture would affect your body if you took it for a longer period of time.

Every passing day, you felt more alive. It was weird to say this but you felt more alive at the hospital than you did before. You were beginning to suspect that Kun’s herbal mixture was actually working.

The herbal mixture was made of feverfew among other medicinal herbs. It had certainly done the trick to reduce your fever overnight. You wondered just what this mixture was made of.

You just finished your online linguistics lecture and closed your laptop. You found Kun waiting at the door. “You free?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

He sat down next to you and pulled some of your favorite candy out of his pocket.

He put the candy bar in your hand. His fingers lightly touched your palm. Your face warmed up at his proximity. “Happy Halloween, y/n.”

Your eyes nearly bugged out. How did he know you loved Twix? You took the candy bar into your hand and almost cried.

“Y/n?” He asked, worried.

You wiped a tear away. “Sorry...It’s just that this time of the year is hard because...I want to celebrate it. Go out and trick or treat...I know that time has gone for me but I hate that I missed out, you know…”

“Y/n…”

You sniffled and took a bite of the chocolate bar. “My parents never wanted me to feel like I was missing out so they would bring the holiday home to me. I was never in need of M&Ms, Skittles, Twix, or Sour Patch Kids…They even helped me make the best Halloween costumes. We would watch a bunch of horror movies all month long...But I wanted to be a kid. I wanted to go out with my friends and go door to door…”

Kun’s heart went out to you. He hated seeing you so down and so deprived of a life that everyone should have. “Y/n, you will be able to do all of the things you want to do in life.”

You looked at Kun and he had a determined look on his face. “How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve worked with people with conditions like yours...They thought they would be attached to the hospital forever one way or another. But with my methods, I was able to help them turn their life around. And now they’re living normally and fully.”

You sighed. “I’m happy to hear that...I just don’t think I’ll be one of them.”

Kun placed his hand over yours. “Trust me, y/n. I won’t let you down.”

You met his eyes, then, and you smiled. “Thanks, Kun. I’ve gotta hand it to you. You’re my favorite doctor.”

He beamed. “Is that so?”

You nodded. “Yeah...None of the other doctors ever gave me so much as a lollipop Even though that seems to be the norm on TV…”

Kun chuckled. “There’s more where that came from, y/n.”

___

It has been a month since you’ve entered the hospital. The medical bills were covered by an anonymous benefactor. Your family didn’t have to worry about the financial strain of your hospital stay.

Your family came to visit you and they were stunned at how radiant you looked. They were surprised at how much more ALIVE you looked when they expected you to be weak and miserable because you were at the hospital. Something about you was different.

“Doctor Kun is a miracle worker, isn’t he?” Your dad asked.

“I heard he’s a sight for sore eyes, too...Don’t you think so, y/n?” Your older sister Sydney teased.

You mom shook her head and helped fluff your pillows. “How are you, sweetheart?”

You smiled. “I’m better, actually. I think Kun’s methods are working.”

“Oh, are you two on a first name basis?” Your sister joked.

You rolled your eyes. “He told me to call him Kun. If you saw him, you’d feel weird calling him Doctor, actually.”

“He’s quite young, y/n. He graduated from a top university in Beijing at age 10. Then, he went to medical school right after. He’s been a practicing doctor for a couple of years now. He’s unbelievable,” you dad said.

Kun entered the room, then. “I hope I’m not interrupting. I’m Doctor Qian Kun. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Your mom was in love with him. Your dad was in shock at how young he was. Your sister wanted his number. You broke their stunned silence. “Kun, these are my parents Donna and Andrew. And this is my sister, Sydney.”

Kun greeted them. “I’m glad you are all here so I can tell you the good news.”

Everyone was shocked at the phrase “good news”. What good news could he possibly have to share?

Kun continued, “Y/n, your vitals are working at optimum level and we want to see how well you can fare by discharging you.”

You asked, “What?”

Kun smiled. “You can start having a normal life...In which you can attend in-person classes, go to the supermarket, take up a sport…”

You weren’t sure about the last thing he offered but everything else he suggested made you jump out of your bed. “Serious?”

Kun’s smile grew. “Yes.”

Your parents gave each other looks.

Your dad started. “Doctor, are you sure about this...y/n has lived all of her life in our home. The only outside world she’s ever known is our backyard and this hospital.”

Kun nodded. “I am sure. I’ve worked with several patients with similar cases as y/n’s and I would like to put the effect of the herbal mixture to the test. If there is any risk, she will immediately be brought back to the hospital and I will up the dosage for the herbs.”

After a few more minutes of discussion, your parents reluctantly agreed to take you home. To alleviate their concerns, you promised to consult with Kun once a week so he could monitor your progress.

You would be going home tomorrow and you had been given the green light to live a normal life. Outside. Go to classes. See your friends. Go to the beach. Buy fruits at the grocery store.

You packed up your belongings and Kun visited you one last time before you left. “Hey.”

You smiled brightly at him. “Hi!”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better than I ever have, honestly. And I have you to thank for that. Look, I’m not sure if this will work out in the end but the fact that I can take the chance and go out there...Thank you.”

Kun ruffled your hair. “I’m here for you, y/n.”

You did admit to yourself that you’d had a little crush on Dr. Kun but who were you kidding? He was so out of your league. You’d had a friend in him and you would always be thankful to him. “I have something for you.”

Kun’s eyes widened. “For me?”

“I wasn’t sure it’d get to my house in time but my mom got the package today. I told her to bring it today when everyone visited so…”

You pulled out a small gift bag with Kun’s present inside.

Kun smiled. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” “You’ve done a lot for me, Kun. I may have my doubts but I don’t doubt your intentions. And they're nothing but good. You’ve been doing so much for me. You’re setting me free...In a way.”

You handed the bag to Kun. He pulled out a little wrapped box from inside. He looked at you as he mocked suspicion.

He removed the wrapping to find a pair of AirPods. He gaped. “Y/n…”

You smiled. “For whenever you need to escape the noise…”

Kun had told you that sometimes he would get overwhelmed with his duties at the hospital and you’d asked him what gave him comfort. He told you it was music. So you figured something as light and portable as AirPods could help Kun calm down whenever he needed it throughout the day.

He smiled brightly at you and surprised you by wrapping his arms around you. “Y/n, thank you...You shouldn’t have…”

You froze. Kun’s toned body was against yours and you could feel the racing of his heart. Your heart probably beat twice as fast. You felt yourself get warmer and warmer. You pulled away from him, his hands on your arms.

He blushed. “Sorry…”

You cleared your throat. “Don’t worry about it…”

Your dad returned to the hospital room. “Y/n, you ready?”

Perfect timing, dad, you thought.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

___

It may have been the second semester of your junior year but you felt as nervous as an incoming college freshman as you entered Neo University’s grounds for the first time. You were meeting some of your friends for the first time ever.

It was one thing to see them on the screen but your heart accelerated thinking of what it would be like to see them in the flesh.

You’ve been doing well so far with the herbs Kun had sent you home with. You were able to go grocery shopping with your mom. She was still considering whether or not you could go to the beach yet. You hoped that your progress would continue so she would say yes.

You felt healthier than ever. You could breathe well through your nose. You felt no body aches. You were ready to cartwheel across the quadrangle.

First, you had to learn how to cartwheel, though.

“Y/n!!!!!” Jungeun called out to you.

Your blonde best friend ran up to you and jumped you from behind. “Ah!”

“Jungeun!” You gasped.

She laughed. “You said I could touch you so I wasn’t about to hold back.”

You hugged each other tightly.

“Y/n, it’s so good to see you!”

You and Jungeun have been friends since middle school so you were already a sobbing mess on your first day.

“Stop crying, y/n or else I’m gonna…” She started crying, too.

“Enough with the tears, already,” Dejun added.

You and Jungeun hugged Dejun to bother him, then.

He laughed. “Y/n, welcome to Neo U.”

“Thanks,” you said, smiling.

You three went to your seminar together and you were just so in awe of being in a classroom, you had trouble focusing on the lecture. You were even more distracted when you saw that Sicheng was in the same class.

He recognized you and waved. You were yelling so loudly on the inside.

Before this semester, you had the occasional online class that you shared. You saw Sicheng for the first time a year ago and your crush on him grew from there. He was one of the most popular guys on campus, according to Jungeun. You had a group project with him last semester and he was so...Perfect.

He was intelligent and down-to-earth. His smile was so sweet and his eyes pierced into your soul. He was talking poetry. It felt like you were seeing your favorite celebrity in person.

When class ended, you went to lunch with your friends and Sicheng joined you.

“How are you, y/n?” He asked.

“I’m great. Never been better,” you replied.

He smiled. “I’m glad. If you ever need anything, please let me know. You have my number.”

You nodded. “Of course. Same here. If you ever need anything. I’m here for you, too.”

Sicheng chuckled. “Great.”

When you finished lunch, Jungeun couldn’t stop poking fun at you. Sicheng left early for a club meeting. “I’m surprised he didn’t ask you out, then!”

You rolled your eyes. “Ask who out?”

Dejun added. “Me, of course.”

Jungeun continued. “The ‘you have my number’ couldn’t have been more obvious. He wants you in his dorm yesterday.”

You frowned. “And what would we do? Fix his bed?”

Jungeun and Dejun laughed. Jungeun added, “The opposite, y/n.”

Your face heated up then. “Oh.”

Since you have basically spent most of your life either at home or at the hospital, you never even considered the possibility of a love life. You tried to convince yourself that dating sims would’ve been enough.

“Don’t worry, y/n...You and Sicheng can take it slow...He’s no incubus who is trying to take your soul,” Dejun offered.

“True,” you said.

That was if Sicheng saw you that way in the first place.

___

A few weeks had passed. You’d been seeing Kun regularly to check in and everything had gone as expected. You were fine. You weren’t exhibiting any flare-ups. So long as you kept taking the prescribed herbs, you would be fine.

“How is everything, y/n?” He asked.

“Pretty good, actually. School is still school, even if it’s in person. But I got to go to a skating rink for the first time.”

He laughed. “How was it?”

“I am terrible.” You showed your legs. “It explains these bruises.”

Kun shook his head and chuckled. “I’m glad you’re getting out more, y/n. Try and take it one step at a time.”

“Oh, geez. I wish you said that sooner. I already joined a blood cult and I’m getting married next week.”

Kun rolled his eyes as he finished taking notes from your consultation.

“How is everything with you, doc?”

Kun’s eyes widened. “Me?”

“Surely, you’re not always at the hospital.”

Kun sighed. “Well, y/n...it just so happens that I’ve taken residence up on the top floor. The whole floor is my apartment. Don’t really get to spend much time there because I’m almost always on call.”

Your jaw dropped. “What? Kun, that’s abuse. You shouldn’t be working so many hours. It’s against the-“

Kun couldn’t help his smile appearing.

“You sneaky bastard,” you said.

You both laughed, then.

Sometimes you forgot Kun was a successful doctor. Sometimes he felt like your infinitely smarter senior at college.

He was a million worlds away from yours.

Kun answered, “Well, I’m doing fine, y/n. I meet up with friends once in a while and go white-water rafting.”

“That sounds like fun!”

Kun shook his head. “It’s challenging but exciting. I get a rush every time I go.”

You thought out loud. “I’d love to try it sometime…”

Kun pat you in the back. “When you are at one hundred perfect, I’ll give you the green light. Sounds good?”

You nod.

___

You’d wrapped up your midterm and you were ready to head home and take a nap. You walked through the student quad.

“Y/n!” Sicheng called out to you.

You turned around and found Sicheng running towards you.

You smiled, already warm in the face. “Hi.”

“I was wondering if you were free right now…”

“Really? Me?”

He smiled, confused at your question. “Yeah, you. Want to go to the movies with me?”

You nodded. “Absolutely.”

Sicheng drove you guys to the movies. He bought the tickets and the snacks. He let you pick the movie. You picked The Blair Witch Project. It came out over twenty years ago but the theater was doing a limited time screening of it.

You and Sicheng couldn’t shut up throughout the whole movie as you whispered to each and made each other laugh. You’d almost gotten kicked out of the theater.

You left the theater together and he asked you to dinner. You said yes. You were starting to think that this was a date.

“Y/n, this is a date, right?” He asked you at dinner.

You stopped eating your chicken parmigiana and looked at him with big eyes. “I think...Is it?”

Sicheng sighed. “I wanted it to be…”

You laughed. “Oh, thank God. I thought it was all in my head for a second. Maybe you were this nice to all of your friends.”

He pointed out, “I am not this nice to my friends, I can promise you that.”

Sicheng drove you home and kissed you goodnight before you entered your house. You felt like you were floating on a cloud now.

___

Two days later, there was a campus alert that Sicheng had gone missing. His face was all over the news. The last time he was heard from was when he told his best friend Jaehyun that he was going to ask you out to the movies. The last time he was seen was when he took you home.

Sicheng’s car was found a mile away from the dorms. The key was still in the ignition and his wallet and phone were left behind.

You were brought into the police station for questioning and you told them everything that happened the night Sicheng disappeared.

You were worried. What could have happened to him? Would he be alright? Would he be able to come back home? You missed him so much.

You took an evening stroll around your neighborhood to try and calm down. You reached the park where there was no other soul in sight.

Suddenly, you felt a tingly sensation in the back of your neck. You felt that someone was following you.  

You began to walk faster. Suddenly, you were pinned to the ground and everything turned black.

___

You woke up in Room 1196, then. Wait...It wasn’t 1196...It was a different room in Neo Hospital. The room was dark and you could only hear the sound of your breathing. It grew more hysterical with each second.

You felt a burning sensation in your neck. You cried out in pain. You cried out, “Help me, please.”

“Y/n…” You recognized Kun’s voice.

You nearly yelled out in pain but restrained yourself. “What...happened?”

“An animal attack,” he started.

You frowned. “What?”

Kun sighed. “It was good that I was there to help you in time, y/n…”

“What?”

Kun moved your hair out of your face. “I was in the neighborhood when I saw the beast attack your neck.”

“A beast?” You frowned.

“Sicheng, was it?”

Your eyes widened. “How do you-“

“You can’t hide anything from me, y/n...You know that’s not how our relationship works.”

“What are you talking about? Ahhhhh.” The pain was getting to be too much for you.

“Can you put two and two together, y/n? Sicheng bit you.”

You shook your head furiously. “No, he wouldn’t-“

Kun snapped his fingers and Sicheng entered the hospital room. His bright expression nowhere to be found. His eyes were a bright red and his lips had traces of blood on them.

“Sicheng?!” You asked.

Sicheng smiled, showing fangs in his teeth. “Hi, y/n…”

“Oh, my God!” You started.

Kun grew annoyed. “Alright, that’s enough pleasantries for my taste. Go.”

Sicheng walked away at his command.

You began, “What the-“

Kun smiled brightly at you then. This time, his straight white teeth displayed his own fangs. “Y/n...Sicheng has put you in a bit of a bind, hasn’t he?”

You tried backing away from Kun and getting off of the bed but it was almost as if the pain kept you from moving.

Kun ran the back of his hand down your cheek. “When a newborn vampire bites you, the bite is lethal...You could die anywhere between minutes and hours...It depends on the bitten, really…”

You flinched at his touch. “What...did you do to me?”

Kun inched closer to you and you winced. He lathered up the blood that leaked from your neck down to your collarbone.

“What had to be done, y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew that I had to have you.”

You cried out in pain. “Somebody help me, please! Sicheng, please!”

Kun, annoyed over you mentioning Sicheng, shut the door to the hospital room. “It’s useless, y/n. Sicheng wouldn’t be in this mess if he hadn’t infiltrated what is mine. Now Sicheng must endure the consequences and be at my mercy. I turned him so now he looks to me for instructions. Until I release him...Perhaps in the next millennium...”

You sobbed. “Kun, please make this pain stop! I can’t take it!”

He cooed. “I know, baby. I want to help you. Just say the word and I’ll make the pain go away.”

The pain dominated your senses so you couldn’t process how exactly he would make it go away. “Okay! Just do it!”

Kun got up onto the bed and straddled you. He leaned down towards your neck and bit into you.

You cried out again but this time the excruciating pain turned into a euphoria so glorious, you never wanted it to end. You wrapped your arms around Kun as he continued to drink your blood.

___

It was morning when you had woken up. You were in Room 1196 now. You shot up from your bed and found Kun seated right beside you.

“Good morning, darling,” he started.

You glared at him. “Bite me. Oh, wait, you already did.”

He smiled. “I see your energy is up. That’s good to see.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m going home…”

Suddenly, you stopped right at the door and your throat started to burn. Your senses heightened and you could sense that one of the nurses was walking right past your room’s door. You wondered what she would taste like if you caught her by surprise right then and there and…

What the holy hell were you thinking?

Kun sighed. “Don’t kill Joyce. She’s the most competent nurse on the staff.”

You ran into your bathroom door and looked at yourself in the mirror.

But you couldn’t.

You put a hand over your mouth and sobbed. “Kun!!!!!”

Kun joined you in the bathroom. “Ah, yes. You won’t be able to gain access to your reflection for another twenty years.”

“Twenty years...What is going on?”

“But what else, y/n? I turned you. To save your life.”

“Turned me into what, Kun?! Say it!”

Kun smiled. “Darling, you already know. Just admit it to yourself.”

You cried. “No…”

“You’ve always wanted a new body. A new life, y/n. And I’ve given it to you. I’ve made you the most powerful creature on this damned planet: a vampire.”

You fell to the ground. You could feel your fangs against your tongue.“Kun! Why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to you?”

Kun sat with you on the ground. “Because I love you, y/n. I never want to be apart from you again.”

You spat in his face. “You made me into a monster.”

Kun, unbothered, wiped your spit away with the sleeve of his coat. “I did not. I made you the best version of yourself you can be. Time for you has become infinite. Your body is immune to all illnesses now. You can see clearly. Your metabolism is in top shape. You are a goddess now.”

You shook your head. “Kun, take it back.”

He chuckled. “You’ve seen enough movies to know that that’s not how it works, y/n...You are mine now. Forever. Just like Sicheng. Just like a lot of the staff in this hospital.”

You shook your head rapidly. “Like hell I’m yours.”

“Y/n, I have been very generous up until this point. Using my blood to help you overcome your chronic condition. Funding your hospital bills...The least you can do is submit to me....”

It was hard to process all of the truths he just delivered. “Your blood?”

He laughed. “You mean you couldn’t taste my blood in the herbal mixture?”

You were about to throw up.

He chuckled darkly. “Admit it, y/n. You loved it.”

“Fuck you, Kun!”

He smiled. “We’ll get to that…”

You sneered. “You are despicable.”

His smile faded. “And you are testing my patience…”  He snapped his fingers at you. “On your knees…”

You stayed on the floor with your arms crossed across your chest.

He frowned as he snapped again. “On your knees, y/n.”

“I don’t think so,” you said.

Kun looked taken aback. “What? How?”

You got up from the ground and looked at him. “I will never submit to you for as long as I live..” If vampires were even considered living.

You ran quickly out of the hospital room, realizing you had superhuman speed now. You were able to leave the historial without facing any temptation to bite someone.

But your thirst had to be satisfied somehow and you had to find a way to quench it without hurting anyone.

___

[2 years later]

You’d skipped town not long after you turned. You sent letters to your family without a return address so as not to risk their safety.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m so sorry I ran away. I had no choice. If I didn’t leave, you all would’ve been in danger. One day, I hope to explain it all to you but in the meantime, live your lives fully and love each other. Don’t take anything for granted. I love you so much and will see you again.

Love,

y/n

You had become an infamous blood bag bandit as you moved across the country, running away from Kun. He would occasionally try and track you. Or he would send his henchman like Sicheng to do it for him.

You were lucky so far. You had never attacked a human being and sustained yourself on some blood bags you were able to nab from donating trucks.

The reason why you didn’t submit yourself to Kun that day was indeed because of his blood. Consumption of his blood made you immune to his influence. He couldn’t have you like he had wanted all along.

Kun had been obsessed with you from the very beginning. When you were discharged from the hospital the time you met him, he continuously stalked you. At college, at the grocery store, at your home...It would explain why he was able to send Sicheng to attack you.

He always knew where you were back then.

Kun commanded Sicheng to bite you then and put you at risk of dying. Kun’s plan was to save you, make you his vampire queen, and control you.

It was a shame he failed to see that his creation of medicinal herbs was the one thing that would lead to his plan’s failure.

You were immune to his commands and you weren’t going to stick around and see how else he would try and “win you over”.

According to your research, in all public records, Kun was now twenty-six. A blatant lie since he couldn’t age. So you wondered how long he would remain in your hometown. You kept a careful eye on your family every now and then. You’ve made some contacts to track your family occasionally, as well.

Kun had stooped low and you prayed he wouldn’t stoop even lower to get you.

You worked hard every day to work on your rapidly growing vampiric abilities. You couldn’t stick around anywhere for too long without arousing suspicion.

Now you weren’t confined to one space anymore.

You were confined to running.

You hoped to one day bring it this madness to an end and take Kun down. Save Sicheng and Kun’s other minions.

And for you to truly be free.

[Fin]

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction Part 1

Hey, this is the translation of the first chapter of my fanfiction, hope you'll enjoy it !

(Link for Chapter 2 here)

Chapter 1 : I am not your enemy

"I know you only just woke up and you're not ready to hear this yet, but know that today you are seen as the hope of the Eldaryans. You saved us all and you are worshiped as a deity, however, you must know one thing..."

Stranger faces crowded around me, jostling in a dance far too fast in which I couldn't keep up. Each gaze I met stared at me with a mixture of amazement and admiration while paradoxically, a sense of doubt hovered in each of them. Stalls of food, trinkets, and even potions spread out before my eyes in an abundance of information. The bright sunlight forced my eyelids to squint as uneasiness took hold of me. The market place, much larger and more developed than seven years ago, was teeming with life and sounds, each stronger than the next, which accentuated the headache that had assailed me for almost two weeks. Without warning, a shoulder jostled me and I swayed dangerously while grabbing the edge of a booth in an effort to support myself. The person gave me a scared look and quickly fled while muttering a vague apology that I wasn't paying attention to. What the fuck is happening to me ? The weight of emotional fatigue from awakening from the crystal was felt more and more, my body was searingly exhausted each day and I was sleeping well over ten hours each night. However, my condition did not improve, which prompted Eweleïn to keep me under observation as soon as necessary. I vaguely heard a man bitch about the fact that I was blocking the passage, which gave me the strength to let go of my makeshift support to stand up and continue my journey. But where had Jamon gone ? I was supposed to follow him to show me where to find weapons for the Obsidian Guard, which was now the one I worked for, but despite his very tall stature, I couldn't see him in the dense crowd. who surrounded me. Resuming my awkward run, Huang Hua's words circled in my head since I thought I saw, a little earlier, what sounded like my worst nightmare. "... He's here, Andraste. He repented and now works every day to right his past mistakes. His actions are totally unforgivable and no one will ever forget what he did to Eldarya, but his heart is no longer filled with the darkness that decimated him and that is part of why I decided to give him a chance here. " My stomach immediately turned as I thought about those words. He was there. The one who had put my life on hold for seven long years lived here like a repentant, and no one seemed to mind. But how could they have been ?! No matter how hard I twirled the words of the leader of the Sparkling in my head, I couldn't understand the decision. “He deserved it badly, you know. He was not greeted with open arms and even still, his presence remains only tolerated by the inhabitants of the HQ. But he is the most useful part of this guard and without him I don't think we could have got up so quickly. Don't look at me like that, I know what you are thinking, but I can only ask you to trust me. " My head was spinning as quickly as the nausea that was mounting again. "Have I ever shown you that my judgment was wrong ?" " Faced with this flood of nonsense, only my reason had managed to answer him at that time. “No, you are certainly right. " No, his judgment had never been distorted. Absolutely never. And it was eating me up. My fingernails dug into my arms, my breathing suddenly quickened and I felt anger sneak up on me. And as if to echo what was dawning in that moment in me, I lifted my head and froze instantly. It was his hair, almost silvery white, that caught my eye like a magnet. His large size also had a lot to do with him, he was well above all the people around him, and his tanned skin warmed his characteristic icy gaze. With his graceful, almost feline gait, he seemed to move serenely in the midst of a crowd filled with unconsciousness. It was him, I was sure. I will recognize him among a thousand, his cold mask having obviously never left him. Lance was a monster and he stood in front of me. Totally frozen for several seconds, my blood swirled around as I

jumped up without even realizing it straight ahead. The anger, which had already nestled deep in my heart for a long time, suddenly exploded, absolutely devastating. The latter crept in like poison, burning me so much that I literally exploded with rage as I ran towards it. The traitor hadn't noticed me yet and I decided to take advantage of it by rushing straight behind his back, ready to do battle. And for the first time in my life, I wanted to kill. With a desire so deep, so intense, that it dictated my every move and every thought. I probably lost some of my humanity at that point. Who knows, maybe deep down I was just as monstrous as him. Taking advantage of the surprise effect, I raised my fist forward and crushed it with all my strength on his jaw. The latter was thrown to the side and, under the effect of adrenaline, I was ready to perform my gesture again when his eyes, as cold as a lake of ice, spotted my movements. With a sharp gesture, as quick as a fraction of a second, he stopped my intention with a firm, almost painful grip on my forearm. This simple touch made my blood run cold as it burned my skin. Blinded by hatred, I tried to free my arm from its makeshift prison but nothing helped, my executioner did not give in a millimeter. - LET GO OF ME ! I shouted at him. - I am not your enemy, do not force me to hurt you, he begged me then. In response, I stepped aside and threw my second fist in the direction of his face, but much to my pain, Lance was faster than me and stopped my movement for the second time. - Andraste, I'm fully aware of your anger, but let me explain what happened. Totally blinded by anger, I couldn't hear what this killer was trying to tell me. - Let go of me, for God's sake ! I struggled like crazy and despite his strength far superior to mine, the young man was clearly not leading. - Look, you can't do that here. We are in a public square and everyone is looking at us, he tried to make me hear. His voice, both calm and alarmed, penetrated me to the depths of my soul. Stirring my memories, she took me back seven years, remembering every moment spent by her side. Fear, anger, hatred but also another feeling, much less gloomy, seized me then. But I didn't want that last feeling. In spite of myself, he had returned, like a sweet and bitter reminiscence, ruffling my skin where his hands still held me. I would never dare to admit to myself what I had felt for this monster during a fleeting moment. When the latter had kidnapped me, and maybe even before, an attraction had more or less pushed me towards him. Some sort of unhealthy admiration, perhaps. - You know very well that it's more difficult for me not to hurt yourself than you do to me, he said with a slightly superior air. But who did he think he was ?! Anger twisted my temples so much that my sight suddenly blurred. Lance noticed it and, hesitating for a moment, he kept me from collapsing by sliding a hand both firm and hesitant on my waist to hold me back. I pushed him away unceremoniously as a sharp pain gripped my stomach. - Don't touch me, Lance ! The latter raised his red-stained hand, his face troubled. - You're bleeding, what's happening to you ? My eyes froze on his dripping fingers. - I ... I don't know. My hand in turn rested where his had been a moment earlier. I found there a hot and abundant liquid. Some blood ? My sight blurred again and I sank under the alert gaze of my enemy. I felt two arms surround me before I passed out.

(Chapter 2)