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someguynamedstevewrites · 5 years ago

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My Roommate is an Apparition: Saturday Morning Cartoon Complaints

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

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There once was a lonely apparition that haunted an apartment in an old building. No one knew where it came from, how it came to be, or why it was there. In fact, nobody knew the spooky specter actually existed since nobody could see it. Eventually, the apparition met someone who could see them, and they were no longer lonely. But before that, there were a few instances where the incorporeal creature made contact with human beings.

This is one of those stories.

It was September 20th, 1997, and Terrence “Terry” Vanderbrook was working as an operator for a local CBS Network Affiliate. He spent his days making sure that people calling into the station were directed to where they needed to go, and also screening out any unwanted calls. Regardless if they were folks calling in to speak to the news team about breaking news, people wanting to partner with the station for a special event, or for any other reason, Terry took care of them all.

One call, in specific, would go down as one Terry would remember for the rest of his years. (Mostly because he wasn’t sure if it actually happened or not).

“Thank you for calling your local CBS station, W.O.-“ Terry began to say before being cut off.

“Where...?” came a voice that sounded like breath on the wind.

“I’m sorry?” Terry asked.

“Where... are they...?” the raspy voice asked.

In the couple of years Terry had been a phone operator, he received more than his fair share of crank calls. Some were very obvious from the get go, while others were subtle and not quite as apparent. On occasion, a call might start off sounding like a prank, but actually turn out to be a legitimate call. Terry learned that the hard way after being berated by a 76- year old woman who was calling to complain about a breaking news report interrupting Diagnosis: Murder. On that day, Terry learned never to underestimate the appeal of Dick Van Dyke to seniors.

Still, uncertain if this was a prank or not, Terry did exactly what he was trained to do: proceed in a professional and courteous manner while trying to obtain more information to determine the needs of the caller. (At least until he was sure whether this call was genuine or not.)

“What can I help you find today?” Terry responded with a smile in his voice (as outlined in the Employee Handbook for Telephone Operators, page 12).

The raspy voice spoke a little louder to get its point across, “Car... TOONS!!!”

“Cartoons?��

“Where. Are. The. Car. Tooooons!?” the voice demanded.

Terry looked over at the small calendar on his desk. It was Saturday. “Oh! You mean the Saturday Morning Cartoons?”

“Yesssssss...” the voice said with a hiss.

“Give me one second,” Terry said as he began to type away at the keyboard to his Windows 95 work computer. Connecting to the network’s server, Terry began searching for and pulling up the schedule for the day’s channel listings. A memo had circulated around the office not too long ago about changes to the channel lineup this fall, but Terry hadn’t paid too much attention to it. He still hadn’t gotten the hang of the search function for his e-mail just yet.

“I’m... waaaaaaaaaiiiii... tiiiiiiiiinnnnngggg,” the voice said as nasally and obnoxious as possible.

“Hang on, kid, I almost got it,” Terry shot back. At this point, he figured the caller was some kid, probably sick in bed (which would explain the raspy voice), hoping to watch their Saturday Morning Cartoons and having trouble with it. (Terry was way off the mark, but he didn’t know that).

While the inter-network speeds within the CBS station’s computer network were much faster than the new 56 Kbps speeds Terry got on his dial-up modem back home, it still took a while to get to the shared network folder that contained the spreadsheet containing the day’s programming lineup. With a double-click, Terry opened up Excel 95 and saw...

“Oh...”

Terry bit his lip and breathed in through his teeth. He always hated calls like this; calls where he had to be the unfortunate bearer of bad news. The person on the other end of the line NEVER took it well. It would lead to lots of yelling, screaming, and demands to speak to his manager. And that was when Terry was speaking to full grown adults, so he was rightfully concerned about the kind of tantrum a sick child could produce.

“I’m sorry,” Terry said with regret, “but it looks like the CBS Kidz programming block has been replaced with CBS News Saturday Morning and a rerun of The Andy Griffith Show.”

————————————-

Due to the nature of the apparition’s existence, it was debatable whether or not it was actually “alive”. Considering the facts, it had been “born” a few years ago and hadn’t “lived” for very long by the time it made this phone call. Furthermore, during the time in between, it experienced emotions such as happiness, sadness, inquisitiveness, and many more.

But this was the first time the apparition became truly angry!

The apparition was frowning. It’s worth mentioning this, because before now, the apparition had never, ever frowned. Its face was no longer smiling, or expressionless like a confused child, like it had been for every day since the apparition began its existence. It was consciously moving the non-existent muscles on its face to move downward to express just how angry it was. Its sharp teeth were on full display like a snarling beast. To say it was not a pretty sight would have been an understatement.

The ethereal hand that had been twirling the coils of the telephone cord was now clutching the phone book as tightly as it could. Visions of cartoon characters expressing their anger whirled through the apparition’s head as it began to conjugate steam out of its non-existent ears. The apparition could not find the words to express the outrage it felt, so it did something else to vent its frustration.

It made a wooden chair suddenly fly through the air at one-hundred and twenty miles per hour into a wall.

*CRASH*

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The sound of wood smashing and splintering could be heard over the phone, and nearly made Terry jump out of his chair.

“WHOA! Kid, are you okay!?” Terry asked with genuine concern.

“BAAAAACK!!!” the apparition practically screamed. Its voice had distorted and sounded sinister; carrying a demonic reverb.

“...BRING! THEM! BAAAAAACK!!!”

“Poor kid,” Terry thought to himself, “they are definitely not taking this well.”

If it had been anyone else other than Terry taking that call, the horrific voice over the phone likely would have scared them out of their pants by now. But he was a veteran at handling the phone and this was not the first time someone used a voice distorter on a call. It was the first time a kid had used one (as far as he knew), but Terry had seen the toy commercials for “YakBak” on TV and knew that any kid with one could do funny things to their voice.

“Listen,” Terry said calmly, “I understand you’re disappointed, but that’s no reason to break things and throw a fit. You might hurt yourself or make yourself even sicker.”

————————————-

The frown had vanished from the apparition’s face. In its place was a look of sheer confusion. This was definitely not the reaction the apparition was expecting when they made this phone call.

The last time the apparition used its scary voice was back when the previous apartment tenants were talking about getting rid of their TV. To keep that from happening, the apparition practiced hard on finding the best voice it could mimic that would “persuade” the residents living there at the time to keep it. It even figured out how it could project its voice into any electronic device with a speaker to create an even more haunting effect (and to make sure the people there could actually hear its demands).

It worked, but it worked a little too well.

Shortly after the apparition began to actively haunt its oblivious roommates, the tenants packed up and moved out in a hurry, leaving their furniture and appliances behind. This included the 32” CRT TV that the apparition was fond of, and a landline telephone. The apparition didn’t care much for the phone line since they were happy just having the TV all to themselves twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. (Plus, they didn’t have anyone to call or talk on the phone to, anyway.)

At least they were happy until about a week ago, when the Saturday Morning Cartoons were a complete no show for the first time in years.

But the apparition had seen shows come and go, television programming blocks change for no apparent reason, occasional weather alert bulletins interrupting their cartoons, and some of their favorite cartoons canceled. They learned patience, understanding, and compromise from these experiences. Just because there were no cartoons that week didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be cartoons next week.

Two weeks without cartoons, however, simply would not do.

The apparition scoured the apartment for a phone book, concentrated on solidifying its fingertips to turn pages, located the phone number for the TV station, and dialed. It took a lot of effort for a ghostly being to make a phone call, and it was not about to let its efforts go to waste.

If the scary voice didn’t work, they’d have to take a different approach. It was time for Plan B.

————————————-

“...Sorry,” the apparition apologized, “...please... bring them... back?”

Terry sighed. He had kids of his own, and dealing with them could be a real challenge; especially when he couldn’t give them something they wanted. Once they realized throwing a tantrum fit wouldn’t work, they start trying to “bargain” just like the kid (who wasn’t actually a kid) that was on the phone.

“I’m sorry, kiddo, but it’s out of my hands,” Terry said using his “sympathetic Dad” voice, “I know it stinks, and if I could bring them back, I absolutely would.” After some frantic scrolling through his work e-mail inbox, he finally found the e-mail he was looking for. “But, thing is, we got to follow the rules from the FCC, so-“

“Eff... See... See?” the voice interrupted to ask.

“The Federal Communications Commission,” Terry explained, “You might not have learned about them in school yet, but they’re a part of the government. They make the rules we here at the TV stations got to follow, and one of those rules is to show three hours of educational programming, and the cartoons we had, well...” Terry tried to find a way to let the (not) kid down nicely, “...they just weren’t educational enough. That make sense?”

————————————-

It did not make sense. The Apparition had no idea what the heck the person on the other end of the phone line was talking about. All it knew was that they took away their cartoons and they weren’t going to give them back.

Taking a look at its transparent fingers, the apparition decided it was time to take matters into its own hands. They had tried scaring the person on the other end of the phone and they had tried asking nicely, but now it was time for plan C.

The apparition plunged its fingers into the tiny holes of the phone receiver. The phone was eventually engulfed in the apparition’s being and soon after that, the receiver began to slowly suck the apparition into it.

If someone walked into the room at that moment, and if that person could also see the apparition, they would see the lower half of a person’s body up to about their waist with the upper half crammed into a phone. It looked like a cartoon where someone had taken the receiver of a phone and hit someone over the head with it so hard that it jammed them inside.

Meanwhile, inside the phone, the apparition’s upper body stretched as it squeezed its way through the telephone cables. It wasn’t easy, and the apparition had never tried anything like this before, but it was filled with determination. Following the voice of the person on the other end of the phone, the apparition could feel itself getting closer and closer to its destination.

It smiled a sharp, toothy grin and created sharp claws on its hands in preparation for its arrival. Soon it would wreak havoc against those who had wronged it. They would rue the day they had taken away their source of Saturday Morning joy! It could see a light ahead of itself, and once it finally reached it, the apparition took its mangled, clawed hand and...

————————————-

*scritch*

“Ow,” Terry said as he pulled the phone away from his head. Something had just scratched him. Looking at the phone receiver, Terry blinked and then blinked again as he came to comprehend what he was looking at.

It was a very small, tiny hand with what looked like long fingernails poking out from one of the holes on the receiver. It flailed and strained as if it was trying to reach out but couldn’t get itself through. The closest thing Terry could liken it to was if a mouse or hamster had somehow gotten into the phone and was sticking its paw through the holes on the phone.

It was kind of adorable.

After a few seconds, the hand retracted into the phone. A second after that, Terry could have swore that he saw a tiny head poke out of one of the holes on the receiver. It had long hair, large eyes, no nose, and looked rather irritated. It struggled as it tried to pull itself out of the phone, but it just couldn’t budge.

Terry was quite sure he was seeing things. He wasn’t sure if it was because of something he ate, or from not getting enough sleep. The thought never entered his head that he was looking at a supernatural being that had shrunken its upper torso, shoved and stretched itself through the phone line, and was now trying to crawl its way out the other end. That would have been silly.

After a few more seconds of struggling, the apparition seemed to realize that this was not going to work and silently admitted defeat to itself. It looked up at the (relatively) gigantic face of Terry who was casually looking at the apparition without an ounce of fear, shock, or horror showing on his face. Without really thinking, Terry just looked at the tiny head poking out and just shrugged as though saying, “Sorry, can’t help yah there, bud”.

Dejectedly, the apparition pulled its head back inside the phone as Terry absentmindedly waved goodbye to it.

————————————-

Back in the apartment, the apparition pulled itself out from the phone and sighed. It held the phone up to its earless head to hear what the man on the other end had to say.

“So, uh...” the man said before a hesitant pause, “...I know this is going to sound crazy, but...” another pause as the man on the other end tried to put what just happened into words, “...did you just try and travel through the phones so you could claw at me?”

The apparition looked to the left, then looked to the right, and if it was capable of it, it would have broken out in a nervous sweat. Sheepishly, the apparition responded, “...yes,” with the same tone of voice a child would use if they had been caught eating cookies before dinner.

A slight pause before the man followed back with, “...didn’t really work out for you, did it?”

Again, sounding like a child that knew they were totally busted, the apparition responded, “...nooooo...”

There was another pause on the phone before the man on the other end eventually said, “Well... better luck next time.”

This call was starting to get extremely awkward as the apparition had no idea what was going to happen next.

After about a minute of silence (which is considered taboo among telephone operators) the man on the other end finally asked, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

This was a battle the apparition had thoroughly lost, and it knew it. It was time to throw in the towel. With a depressed sigh, it responded back, “No... thank you”.

————————————-

Despite not being sure what exactly he just saw, Terry leaned forward in his chair and decided the very least he could do was offer some encouraging words. “I know you’re disappointed, and I get that. I really do. But other TV channels have cartoons too. You can always watch them there.”

“...yeah...” the voice responded.

“It’s not like all the cartoons in the world just suddenly vanished, right?”

“...I suppose...”

Terry was ready to wrap this call up and had his closing spiel all set to go. “We appreciate you caring enough to call in today and while I may not have been able to help you, I do hope you feel better soon. Okay?”

There was a moment of silence before the voice responded back, “...okay...”

“Thank you very much for calling CBS, and have a good rest of your day,” Terry said earnestly.

There was a click signaling the phone on the other end had disconnected. Terry hung up the phone on his end, leaned back in his office chair, and looked up to the ceiling.

At that exact same moment, the person they had been talking to just a minute ago thought the exact same thing as he did.

“Well... that was weird.”

#my roommate is an apparition

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ireadyabooks · 4 years ago

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The Best Summer Reads! 🏖

Even if you can’t read a book on the beach this year, it’s still summer!

We’ve pulled together some binge-worthy summer reads that will have you swooning over an adorable romance or turning the pages of a fast-paced thriller.

I Love You So Mochi by Sarah Kuhn

Kimi Nakamura’s mother disapproves of her passion for fashion design, and when they get into an explosive fight, Kimi's entire future seems on the verge of falling apart. So when a surprise letter comes in the mail from Kimi's estranged grandparents, inviting her to Kyoto for spring break, she seizes the opportunity to get away from the disaster of her life. And what begins as a trip to escape her problems quickly becomes a way for Kimi to learn more about the mother she left behind, and to figure out where her own heart lies. Start reading!

The Night of Your Life by Lydia Sharp

All year, JJ's been looking forward to going to prom with his best friend, Lucy. But nothing goes according to plan and the best night of their lives quickly turns into the worst. That is...until JJ wakes up the next day only to find that it's prom night all over again. At first, JJ thinks he's lucky to have the chance to get innumerable chances at perfecting the night of his life. But each day ends badly for him and Lucy, no matter what he does. Can he find a way to escape the time loop and move into the future with the girl he loves? Start reading!

Lie to Me by Kaitlin Ward

Ever since Amelia woke up in the hospital, recovering from a near-death fall she has no memory of, she's been suspicious. Her friends, family, and doctors insist it was an accident, but Amelia is sure she remembers being pushed. Then another girl is found nearby -- one who fell, but didn't survive. Amelia's fears suddenly feel very real, and with the help of her new boyfriend, Liam, she tries to investigate her own horrific ordeal. But how can she tell who's trustworthy, and who might be -- must be -- lying to her? Start reading!

Screenshot by Donna Cooner

Skye's social media game is always on point. Until her best friend, Asha, films an embarrassing video of Skye at a sleepover and posts it online. But Asha quickly deletes the post, so everything's okay. Right? Then Skye gets an anonymous message. Someone has texted her a screenshot from the video. This person threatens to share the shocking photo online . . . unless Skye does whatever they say. Skye's perfect image -- and privacy -- are suddenly in jeopardy. What will Skye do to keep the screenshot under wraps? And who is trying to ruin her life? Start reading!

Listen To Your Heart by Kasie West

When Kate’s best friend, Alana, convinces Kate to join their high school's podcast, Kate is not expecting to be chosen as the host. But to Kate's surprise, she turns out to be pretty good at the hosting gig. Then the podcast gets in a call from an anonymous guy, asking for advice about his unnamed crush. Kate is pretty sure that the caller is gorgeous Diego Martinez, and even surer that the girl in question is Alana. Kate is excited for her friend . . . until Kate herself starts to develop feelings for Diego. Suddenly, Kate finds that while doling out wisdom to others may be easy, asking for help is tougher than it looks, and following your own advice is even harder. Start reading!

Wherever Nina Lies by Lynn Weingarten

Nina was artistic, fearless, and wild. She inked landscapes onto the soles of her Converse, and covered her tank tops in portraits of people she saw on the street. She was Ellie's big sister and favorite person. And then one day she was gone. Two years later, Ellie stumbles upon a drawing of Nina's that might just contain a clue of where to find her. So she takes off on a road trip with the one person who believes she's got a chance. Start reading!

Faceless by Alyssa Sheinmel

While on a run one day, Maisie gets into a terrible accident. A hot-burning electrical fire consumes her, destroying her face. She is lucky enough to qualify for a face transplant. But with someone else's features staring back at her in the mirror, Maisie looks -- and feels -- like a stranger. The doctors promised that the transplant was her chance to live a normal life again, but nothing feels normal anymore. Before, she knew who she was -- a regular girl who ran track and got good grades, who loved her boyfriend and her best friend. Now, she can't even recognize herself. Start reading!

It’s Not Me, It’s You by Stephanie Kate Strohm

Avery Dennis is a high school senior and one of the most popular girls in her class. But a majorly public breakup with the guy she's been dating causes some disastrous waves. It is right before prom and Avery no longer has the perfect date. Post-breakup, Avery gets to thinking about all of the guys that she has ever dated. Avery decides to investigate: she tracks down all of the guys she's ever dated, and uses that information, along with the thoughts of her friends, family, and even teachers to compile a total account of her dating history. Avery discovers some surprises about herself and the guys she's spent time with just in time for prom night! Start reading!

The Beautiful Lost by Luanne Rice

Ever since her mother left, Maia has struggled with depression -- which once got so bad, she had to go to an institution for a while. She doesn't want to go back. Maia's sure that if she finds her mother, if the two of them can talk about whale songs and constellations, then everything will be okay again. When Maia sets off on a road trip in search of her mom, her crush Billy unexpectedly comes along. They drive up the East Coast, stopping along the way for lobster rolls and lighthouses. Maia learns that Billy has dark secrets of his own -- and wants to outrun his past, too. But what will the future hold if they reach their destination? Start reading!

Where She Fell by Kaitlin Ward

Eliza knows the legends about the swamp near her house -- that people have fallen into sinkholes, never to be seen again, maybe even falling to the center of the earth. But when her best friends drag her onto the uneven ground anyway, Eliza knows to be worried. And when the earth opens under her feet, there isn't even time to say I told you so. As she scrambles through one cave, which leads to another, and another, Eliza finds herself in an impossible world -- where a small group of people survive underground, running from vicious creatures, eating giant bugs, and creating their own subterranean society. Eliza is grateful to be alive, but this isn't home. Is she willing to risk everything to get back to the surface? Start reading!

Lucky in Love by Kasie West

Maddie's not impulsive. She's all about hard work and planning ahead. But one night, on a whim, she buys a lottery ticket. And then, to her astonishment, she wins! In a flash, Maddie's life is unrecognizable. No more stressing about college scholarships. Suddenly, she's talking about renting a yacht. And being in the spotlight at school is fun . . . until rumors start flying, and random people ask her for loans. Now, Maddie isn't sure who she can trust. Except for Seth Nguyen, her funny, charming coworker at the local zoo. Seth doesn't seem aware of Maddie's big news. And, for some reason, she doesn't want to tell him. But what will happen if he learns her secret? Start reading!

Truly, Madly, Royally by Debbie Rigaud

Zora Emerson is not here to play. She's enrolled in a prestigious summer program, and is ready to use what she's learning to change the world. Zora's not expecting to vibe with any of her super-privileged classmates. So she's shocked to find she's got chemistry with Owen Whittelsey, who is charming, funny, undeniably cute...and turns out to literally be a prince. As in, his parents are the king and queen of a small European country. What? Suddenly, Zora's summer is looking a lot more complicated -- especially when Owen asks her to be his date at his older brother's wedding. Can her feelings for Owen, not to mention her sense of self, survive the royal chaos? Start reading!

Maybe This Time by Kasie West

Name the occasion, and Sophie Evans will be there. Well, she has to be there. Sophie works for the local florist, so she can be found at every big event in her small hometown, arranging bouquets and managing family dramas. Enter Andrew Hart. The son of the fancy new chef in town, Andrew is suddenly required to attend all the same events as Sophie. Entitled, arrogant, preppy Andrew. Sophie just wants to get her job done and finish up her sketches so she can apply to design school. But every time she turns around, there is Andrew, getting in her way and making her life more complicated. Until one day she wonders if maybe complicated isn't so bad after all. Start reading!

Snow in Love by Melissa de la Cruz, Aimee Friedman, Nic Stone, Kasie West

It’s still summer, but we’re already looking forward to the holidays and snuggling up with a mug of hot chocolate! So what's better than one deliciously cozy, swoon-worthy holiday story? Four of them! Snow in Love is an adorable, wintry collection of four short stories about the romance of the holiday season, from some of today's bestselling YA authors. Start reading!

Fake by Donna Cooner

Maisie Fernandez is fed up with the bullies who taunt her about her size and her looks. So, one night, Maisie goes online and creates a fake profile. "Sienna" is beautiful, skinny, and confident -- and soon she's messaging the most popular kids in Maisie's school. Maisie doesn't care about being friends with them. She wants to use Sienna to take them down. But as Maisie's web of deception grows, she's in danger of being exposed. And what will happen when the actual Sienna -- the girl whose photos Maisie has been using -- shows up in real life? Start reading!

Sorry Not Sorry by Jamie Reed

Janelle and Alyssa used to be best friends. They knew each other's deepest secrets and went through the hardest times together. But that was then. Now? Their status is somewhere between frenemies and full-on rivals. Until the day Alyssa collapses and is rushed to the hospital. Suddenly, everyone knows about her declining health and race against time. And, in a stunning twist of fate, the only person who might be able to save Alyssa's life -- is Janelle. But will the girls' bitter past get in the way of their futures? Start reading!

#I read YA #blog post #book recommendations #summer reads #beach reads

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splendidlyimperfect · 6 years ago

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It's been thirteen years since Natsu and Gray met in a program for troubled youth - since they both fell apart and helped put each other back together. Now they're married and happy, loving each other and the shared family they found.

But the past doesn't always stay past, and when the things that broke them come back into their lives, Natsu and Gray have difficult decisions to make - ones that could change their lives forever.

Chapter Summary: As they continue their road trip, Natsu tries to work through the mess of feelings he has about his father. Chapters (2/?): 1 | 2

Rating: Mature Relationships: Natsu/Gray, Rogue/Sting, Laxus/Freed Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aged-Up Character(s), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Established Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Drug Addiction, Mental Health Issues, Foster Care, Family Issues, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, Grief/Mourning, Childhood Trauma, it's not as sad as it sounds, but they're so in love with each other, Bipolar Disorder, Adoption, Families of Choice, Nonbinary Character, Trans Character, Genderfluid Character, Forgiveness, well sometimes it is, lots of bonding moments, Natsu is a fantastic uncle and amazing with kids Series: Part 14 of the only hope for me is you, Part 3 of if you jump i'll break your fall

When Gray woke up the next morning, Natsu wasn’t there.

Gray pushed himself up on his elbows, yawning and rubbing his face before looking around the tiny hotel room. The curtains were still drawn, but a thin ray of sunlight had made its way through and illuminated a line along the floor.

“Natsu?” Gray called, sitting up and shoving away the blankets. He frowned and glanced at the clock – 7:46 a.m. Natsu never willingly got up this early. Gray looked over to the front door and felt a spike of panic when he saw that Natsu’s shoes and jacket were gone.

Gray stood up, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and swiping it open, but the only messages were a text from Sylvie, and a handful of e-mails from work. He tossed the phone back down on the bed and quickly checked the bathroom.

A cold, uncomfortable feeling crept through his stomach, and Gray forced himself to breathe. Even after nearly fourteen years, the memory of finding Natsu bleeding to death was the first thing that popped into Gray’s head when Natsu wasn’t well. Gray quickly rummaged through the toiletries bag in the bathroom for Natsu’s pill container, and was relieved to see that he hadn’t missed any of his meds.

Gray sighed, rubbing his face and sitting down on the end of the bed. He was about to call Natsu when the door to the hotel room creaked open.

Natsu stood in the doorway, balancing two cups of coffee in one hand. When he saw Gray, his face broke into a smile, and he set down the coffee on the table.

Continue reading on AO3

“What’re you doing up so early?” Gray asked, standing up and pulling Natsu into a hug. Natsu hummed happily, wrapping his arms around Gray’s waist. “You okay?”

“Mhmm.” Natsu let Gray hold him tightly for a minute, then pulled back and gave Gray a quick kiss. “I’ll have you know that my ridiculous husband doesn’t think that 7:45 am is early.”

“I see.” Gray relaxed a little, brushing Natsu’s hair out of his eyes and looking out the door. The sun was already up, burning away the wisps of fog that drifted down from the mountains and casting a pale, yellow light over the parking lot.

“What’s up, Snowflake?” Natsu asked, slipping his hands under Gray’s shirt and rubbing his thumbs over Gray’s hips.

“Just wanna make sure you’re okay,” Gray said. Natsu smiled, shaking his head and pulling Gray in close while he kicked the door shut. He trailed his fingers up Gray’s back, leaning in and kissing him again.

“I’m fine,” he reassured Gray, nudging him backward against the bed until Gray’s knees hit the edge and he sat down. “Sorry for worrying you.” He pushed Gray further back onto the bed, moving up until he was sitting between Gray’s legs and leaning over him.

Gray hesitated, searching Natsu’s face for some kind of sign that he wasn’t as okay as he was putting on. His eyes were a little brighter than usual, and there was a hint of sadness behind his smile. Gray ran his thumb over Natsu’s cheek, then pulled him down for a kiss.

“You don’t have to be okay,” he murmured against Natsu’s lips. Natsu froze for a second, arms tense on either side of Gray’s head, then laughed and pressed their foreheads together.

“I know,” he said, rubbing his nose against Gray’s. “And I wasn’t yesterday – it was a lot. I’m better today, though. Promise.”

Gray knew that Nastu wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he trusted Natsu to know what he needed. He let himself relax into the mattress as Natsu kissed him harder, biting Gray’s lip gently, and then running his tongue along it. Natsu tasted like strawberry lipgloss and coffee, familiar and safe.

“Touch me,” Natsu whispered, grabbing Gray’s hand and guiding it up to his waist. Gray slipped his fingers under Natsu’s jeans to feel the lace of his underwear and he groaned, pressing his hips up and grinding against Natsu.

Natsu let out a soft sound of surprise as Gray grabbed him and flipped them over until he was straddling Natsu’s hips. He tugged the elastic out of Natsu’s hair, wrapping it around his wrist, then combed his fingers through Natsu’s hair until it spread out around his head like a pink halo.

“Can I call you pretty today?” Gray asked, rocking forward and enjoying the soft sounds that slipped from Natsu’s lips. Natsu nodded, gripping Gray’s thighs and looking up at him with wide eyes. Gray leaned down, running his hands up Natsu’s arms until he had him by the wrists, pinned to the bed.

“Hnn, w-wanna—”

“Shush,” Gray said, kissing Natsu again, hot and needy. “You’re gorgeous and I wanna touch you everywhere.”

Natsu sighed happily when Gray’s lips moved to his neck, running over the sensitive scar and then moving over to the other side.

“W-we don’t have to check out until eleven,” Natsu groaned, rocking up against Gray. Gray moved down to bite Natsu’s nipple through his shirt and Natsu gasped, tugging at Gray’s grip on his wrists.

“Good,” Gray said, running his thumbs over Natsu’s palms and looking up at him through a dark curtain of hair. “Then I’m gonna take my time with you.”

~*~*~

The rest of the trip took almost four days. Gray drove most of the way, leaving Natsu to make up music playlists and watch the scenery change from mountains to prairies to forests as they made their way east.

Natsu hadn’t been lying when he’d told Gray he was okay, but the run-in with Wendy still lingered in the back of his mind. Every once in a while, a flash of guilt or sudden anger washed over him, but the farther away they got, the better Natsu felt.

Then, on their last day on the road, Natsu got a text from Wendy. Hey, if you decide you want to try to find your dad, this is the place I used. Good luck.

Underneath there was a company name – Reunion and Reconnection – as well as a phone number and an e-mail address.

Natsu’s stomach clenched as all the anxiety that had been fading from him returned full force, crawling up his arms and making him feel dizzy. He stared at the message, thumb hovering hesitantly over the link.

“Hey, are you sure you’re—”

Gray’s voice caught him off guard, and Natsu jumped, dropping his phone into the footwell of the car.

“Snowflake, if you ask me if I’m okay one more time, I’m gonna make you listen to One Direction for the rest of this trip.”

Natsu kept his voice light, laughing at the disgruntled look on Gray’s face before picking up the phone and shoving it into his jacket pocket. Gray reached over, taking Natsu’s hand and squeezing gently before looking back the road.

“I’m not going to change my mind,” Natsu insisted, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in his stomach. “Just ‘cause Wendy found her mom doesn’t mean I should look for him. He left, and I don’t need him.” He tried not to let his bitterness show, and forced a smile for Gray. “I’ve got you.”

Gray nodded and slipped his fingers between Natsu’s before looking back at the road. Natsu leaned his head against the window, staring out past the trees while he attempted to sort through the tangle of feelings in his head.

They reached grand-maman and grand-papa’s house by early evening. Natsu could see everyone else’s cars parked along the road, and an uneasy feeling washed over him as they approached the front door.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing Gray’s hand and pulling him close. “Can we not say anything about Wendy?” Gray raised an eyebrow and Natsu sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Please?”

Natsu adored Gray’s family and how quickly they’d taken him in, but big gatherings like this sometimes reopened the wound of Natsu’s own absent parents. Usually it was a dull ache that he was able to ignore, but right now it was a sharp, burning sting that made him want to run.

“Of course,” Gray said, giving Natsu a quick kiss before reaching for the door. “You ready?”

The next few minutes were a whirlwind of hugs, kisses and pinched cheeks. Ultear had arranged the party for grand-papa’s ninety-fifth birthday, and the house was packed with people that Natsu didn’t know. He managed to make it through the crowd to see grand-papa, who was settled on the couch next to Félix and wearing a birthday hat.

“Quel beau chapeau!” Natsu said, crouching down beside the couch and taking grand-papa’s hand. “Bonne fête! T’es un vieil homme, huh?”

“Watch who you’re calling old,” grand-papa replied in French, smiling and kissing Natsu on the cheek. Grand-papa’s skin felt like tissue paper under Natsu’s fingers, and for some reason it made Natsu feel like crying.

“I think you’re probably the oldest one here,” Natsu teased, forcing himself to smile. “Pretty soon you’ll be a hundred.”

Grand-papa laughed, patting Natsu’s arm.

“Ça va?” Natsu asked, turning to Félix. “You happy to be done grade eight?”

Natsu managed to make it nearly an hour into the party before the itch under his skin was too much. He found his way to the balcony door and slipped outside, closing it behind him and turning to see Sylvie leaning on the railing, looking out over the city.

“Your mom had better not see you drinking that,” Natsu teased, leaning onto the railing next to Sylvie and gesturing to the cooler in her hand. “You’re not eighteen yet.”

Sylvie rolled her eyes. “Like you didn’t drink before you were eighteen,” she said, nudging his arm.

“Fair point,” Natsu said. He stared out across the river, watching the street lamps flicker on as the sun fell behind the horizon. The sound of the party behind them was muffled through the screen door, but Natsu could hear Renaud trying to explain his newest video game to grand-maman.

“You okay?” Sylvie asked. Natsu turned to look at her – she'd changed her hair since the last time he’d seen her, and now it was a wild, messy pink-and-purple mohawk. “Uncle Natsu? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said automatically, playing with his wedding band. Sylvie kicked his ankle and he frowned at her.

“Liar,” she said. “You’re being weird.”

“Your face is weird,” Natsu said, sticking out his tongue at her, and Sylvie snorted. Natsu shrugged. “Nah, I’ve just been thinking a lot.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Sylvie said, and Natsu laughed, turning around and leaning against the railing.

“No picking on me,” he said, “Uncle Gray does that enough already.” Sylvie snorted, taking another sip of her drink. With her pierced eyebrow and black nail polish and wild hair, she reminded Natsu of himself so much that it hurt.

“I ran into my sister the other day,” he said. Sylvie looked at him, confused. “Foster sister,” Natsu clarified. “We spent a few years together in a home, I hadn’t seen her since… well, before you were born. It was a bit weird.”

Natsu dropped his gaze to the scuffed toes of his shoes, but he could feel Sylvie studying him. He felt raw and electric, like he was kindling and the slightest spark would burn him alive.

“It must have sucked,” Sylvie said after a minute. Natsu looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. “Growing up without your parents? I dunno, mom’s always on my case and dad’s so fucking embarrassing like, all the time, but...” She trailed off, tipping the cooler between her hands.

“Yeah,” Natsu said. “It sucked.”

“Are your parents dead?” Sylvie asked. “You never talk about them.”

Natsu laughed, tipping his head back and looking up at the sky. Sometimes Sylvie’s bluntness was refreshing. “My mom’s dead, I think,” he said. “Dunno about my dad, though. He might still be around.”

Sylvie was quiet for a minute, then asked, “are you thinking about finding him?”

Natsu looked over at Sylvie again in surprise. She was giving him the same stubborn look she always gave him when she asked him hard questions. The two of them had been close ever since she’d climbed onto his lap at three years old and asked him to read to her. Natsu always tried to be honest with her – especially now that she was older – but he didn’t often talk about his family.

“Sorta,” he admitted after a while. “Maybe. I dunno.”

“Why didn’t you want to find him before?”

Natsu laughed, rubbing his face. “You’re not pulling any punches, huh?”

Sylvie shrugged. “Small talk’s boring.”

Natsu couldn’t argue with that. He ran his hands through his hair, tying it back in a ponytail while he figured out what to say.

“I never looked for him because he left me when I was really little,” Natsu said eventually. “And he made that choice, and it really hurt. I’m not sure I want to meet him. I dunno if I wanna find out why he didn’t stay.”

“He sounds like an asshole,” Sylvie said, nudging Natsu until she was tucked under his arm. He laughed, kissing the top of her head.

“You’d better not talk like that around your mom,” he said, “or I’m gonna get in trouble for being a bad influence again.”

Sylvie hummed in agreement, finishing off her drink and leaning back against Natsu. It suddenly hit Natsu that Sylvie was the same age now as he’d been when he’d met Gray �� when he’d tried to kill himself. An ache pressed heavily on his chest and he hugged her tighter.

“Well,” Sylvie said, “if you do find him and he’s a dick, you’ve still got us.” She reached out to touch the leather bracelet around Natsu’s wrist that she’d made for him at an art camp years ago. “You’re my family.”

“I know,” Natsu said softly. “Thank you.”

Sylvie rested her head on Natsu’s shoulder and they stood for long time under the stars, watching the moon move across the sky.

~*~*~

They didn’t get back to the hotel until nearly two in the morning, and Gray immediately flopped face-first onto the bed, grumbling when Natsu tugged off his jeans and nudged him under the covers. Natsu settled in next to him, sitting against the headboard and running his fingers through Gray’s hair.

Everything was a mess. Natsu’s heart felt tangled, pulled in different directions, and none of it made any sense. He had everything he needed – a job, a husband who was patient with him, friends, and too many nieces and nephews to count. He already had a family.

But a memory kept playing in his mind, over and over, and Natsu couldn’t make it go away.

“I’m sorry.” Natsu’s dad – Neelan – sat on the swing set next to him at the park, kicking up sand and staring at the holes in his shoes. Natsu frowned.

“Why?” he asked. The park was mostly empty - it was still early March and there was a fine layer of snow on the playground equipment.

“I’m not gonna be here for your birthday,” Neelan said sadly. Natsu didn’t say anything, just frowned and kicked his legs to make the swing move faster.

“You promised,” he said, disappointment souring the sticky sweet taste of ice cream on his tongue. “You said we’d go to a movie.”

“I know, bud,” Neelan said. He picked at his thumbnail and looked up at the sky.

“Where are you going?” Natsu asked. He pulled his hands into his too-big coat and wrapped the sleeves around the chains of the swing to keep his fingers from freezing.

Neelan didn’t say anything, just stood up and waved to the social worker, who was making her way around the outskirt of the park. Natsu scowled at her.

“I don’t wanna go back,” he said, jumping off the swing and throwing himself at his dad. He wrapped his arms around Neelan’s waist and shook his head. “I wanna come home with you, Dad. Please.”

Neelan sighed, disentangling himself from Natsu’s grip and crouching down in front of him. Natsu wiped at his face angrily and tried to pull away. The kids at school all made fun of him for crying too much, but he couldn’t stop.

“You’re strong,” Neelan said, brushing Natsu’s messy hair out of his eyes. “And you’re gonna be a good person, okay? Better than me.”

“Please, Daddy,” Natsu whispered. He knew he was too old to be calling his father that, but right now he felt little and small and scared. “You promised.”

“I’m so sorry, Natsu,” Neelan said, pressing a kiss to Natsu’s forehead. “I just… I can’t do this. I hope one day you'll understand.”

The disappointment and confusion in Natsu’s chest turned to anger and he growled, shoving his dad away from him.

“You’re stupid!” he shouted, kicking at the sand. “You promised and you’re stupid and I hate you!”

That had been the last time Natsu had seen his dad. He’d run away and been found an hour later by the social worker at the steps of his old house, and when she’d taken him back to the home, Natsu hadn’t argued. The next time his dad was scheduled to visit, he didn't show up, and Natsu had tried his best to pretend it didn’t hurt.

Natsu sighed, looking down at his phone and opening up his texts. The message from Wendy was still there, waiting for him.

He looked at Gray, who had rolled over and was now sprawled on his back in the middle of the bed. The moon glinted off his ring, and Natsu thought of his wedding vows.

“I never had a family before you. I never had a home. Now you are my family. You are my home. It doesn’t matter where we are - when I’m with you, I’m where I belong.”

Natsu swallowed down the lump that had appeared in his throat, then looked back at his phone. He sighed, closing the text and tossing his phone onto the bedside table. Then he settled down next to Gray, who mumbled something in his sleep and turned to wrap himself around Natsu. Natsu closed his eyes, curling up tightly in the circle of Gray’s arms and letting himself fall asleep.

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #gratsu #stingue #fraxus #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #angst #hurt/comfort #multi chapter #update #new chapter #my fic

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ayittey1 · 6 years ago

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COCONUT CLASSICS

Fed up with the buffoonery and tomfoolery coming out of Africa. So I compiled a litany of the eccentricities and flat-out acts of buffoonery that I have come across in my research and work on Africa. Let me know which one you like the best. Enjoy.

In March 2017, Emmanuel Elibariki, a hip-hop artist, released a song in which he asked “is there still freedom of expression in Tanzania?” He was promptly arrested and his song banned from the airwaves. (The Economist, Oct 19, 2017; p.43).

The late president, Gen. Samuel Doe of Liberia summoned his finance minister – “only to be reminded by aides that he had already executed him” (The New York Times, Sept 13, 2003; p.A4).

In 2016, Uganda’s Parliament voted Shs68 million ($18,320) to cover the funeral expenses of each MP (Daily Monitor, Sept 15, 2016). Hand them over. I will bury them for FREE – with the Cutlass!

President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda wants to ban oral sex “the mouth is for eating” https://bit.ly/2ILs3RV

"Corruption is everywhere -- in the villages, wherever", Zambia's Lands Minister Gladys Nyirango acknowledged at a major conference on graft in Africa. Hours later she was SACKED. (Sapa-AFP, March 4, 2007).

A former minister of finance was found hiding – where else? -- in a coconut tree: “Zambia’s former finance minister, Katele Kalumba, was arrested and charged with theft after the police found him hiding in a tree near his rural home. Mr. Kalumba, who had been on the run for four months, is being charged in connection with some $33 million that vanished while he was in office (The New York Times, Jan 16, 2003; p.A8).

In Zimbabwe, the anti-corruption czar, Ngonidzashe Gumbo, was himself a bandit, jailed for 10 years for defrauding the commission of $435,000 (The Herald, March 12, 2015). https://bit.ly/2UCre4b

Zambia President Edgar Lungu is buying a new Presidential Jet fitted with a cutting edge military grade anti-missile defense system which fires lasers at incoming heat-seeking missiles (Zambia Observer, Oct 12, 2018). https://bit.ly/2UyS9ho

In Feb 2019, “The First Lady of Zambia, Esther Lungu, travelled to the US with a 25-man delegation to receive four fire trucks, which the Los Angeles Fire Department, had RETIRED from service” (Punch, Feb 7, 2019). Hopefully they did not fly back with the trucks!

When two coconuts fight . . . https://on.wsj.com/2PlEVzd

RWANDA: “I have caught you supporting rebels to destabilize my government. Take that! The border is closed!” (Delivers a sharp left hook). UGANDA: “Wui! . . . No, it is you who is destabilizing my government. Take that!” (Delivers a stiff upper cut). AU (the referee) is snoring zzzzzzzzzz and awakes: “I APPEAL to both of you to end hostilities!” And goes back to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzz https://bit.ly/2SO3Agh https://bit.ly/2UzW39K

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Two journalists were arrested and charged with publishing false information for reporting that President Bingu wa Mutharika, had moved out of a new 300-room palace because he believed it was haunted. The two, Raphael Tenthani, who works for the BBC, and Mabvuto Banda of the newspaper The Nation, were reportedly taken in raids at their homes. Malawi newspapers and radio stations carried the ghost report over the weekend, quoting a senior official. Mr. Mutharika has angrily denied the reports, saying, "I have never feared ghosts in my life." (Agence France-Presse, March 16, 2005)

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Insecurity challenges heightened in Bayelsa State following separate incidents of kidnapping of four policemen and six other persons along Nembe waterways by gunmen suspected to be sea pirates. Sunday Independent gathered that the gunmen also seized a gunboat belonging to the Nigeria Police in an incident that occurred on Friday. Sources said the gunboat was escorting a barge owned by the Nigerian Agip Oil Company (NAOC) when the bandits struck (Daily Independent, October 26, 2014).

Coconut Eccentricities

Sudan

“Colonel Ibrahim Chamsadine was Sudan’s defense minister but was arrested and imprisoned in 1995 by Omar al-Bashir for opposing him. Later, the state claimed that he died in a plane crash on June 11, 2008. But he was found in a secret prison under a mosque in the Sudanese city of Omdurmanprison https://bit.ly/2YbKT9c

Mali

In March 1991, angry Malians took to the streets to demand democratic freedom from the despotic rule of Gen. Moussa Traore. He unleashed his security forces on them, killing scores, including women and children. But pro-democracy forces were not deterred and kept up the pressure. Asked to resign on March 25, he retorted: "I will not resign, my government will not resign, because I was elected not by the opposition but by all the people of Mali." Two days later, when he tried to flee the country, he was grabbed by his own security agents and sent to jail. From there, he lamented: "My fate is now in God’s hands."

Kenya

“President Daniel arap Moi has urged Kenyans to abstain from sex for at least two years to try to curb the spread of AIDS. . .Moi was speaking after the government announced plans to import 300 million condoms to fight AIDS” (The Telegraph, July 13, 2001)

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Uganda

Uganda’s Agriculture Minister, Kibirige Ssebunya, declared that: “All the poor should be arrested because they hinder us from performing our development duties. It is hard to lead the poor, and the poor cannot lead the rich. They should be eliminated" (New Vision, Kampala, Dec 15, 2004). He advised local leaders to arrest poor people in their areas of jurisdiction.

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Soldiers teach wealth creation

BUSHENYI- Soldiers implementing the newly established operational Wealth Creation program have urged farmers to stop being afraid of working with them, saying they are not a colonial army that used to force people to do community tasks. The appeal was made at a meeting for the program’s southwestern army coordinators in Bushenyi District last week. The project replaced Naads last year. The meeting was organized by the Uganda Coffee Development Authority (UCDA) aimed at harmonizing collaboration between UCDA and coordinators to improve the quality and production of coffee (Daily Monitor, Feb 24, 2015)

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No fewer than 300 Nigerian soldiers FLED to Cameroon when Boko Haram insurgents overran Mubi, the second largest city in Borno State from security forces on Oct 30, 2014 (SUNDAY PUNCH, Nov 2, 2014).

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Kibaki

In May 2005, Lucy Kibaki, one of the two wives of President Mwai Kibaki, was hopping mad. She stormed into the Nairobi office of The Daily Nation, confiscated notebooks, tape recorders and pens. Brandishing a copy of the newspaper, Mrs. Kibaki, flanked by several security officers and the Nairobi police chief, Kingori Mwangi, demanded to know the whereabouts of a reporter who had written a story headlined “Shame of First Lady” that offended her. “I am here to protest, and I’m not leaving until I find the reporter who has been writing all these lies,” a witness said. Mrs. Kibaki then camped herself for much of the night at the desk of the newspaper's editor, unleashing a fury of broadsides at the staff. When a local television crew arrived, she slapped a cameraman. The problem was that she chose the wrong newspaper to unleash her full fury. It was the rival Standard newspaper that had printed the offending article, not the Daily Nation. (The Daily Nation, May 9, 2005). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nigeria

The Nigeria Security and Civil Defense Corps (NSCDC) has proposed to spend N5 billion on the procurement of anti-terrorism, chemical, bio-radiation and NUCLEAR weapon equipment and other new projects. Breakdown of the budget by Daily Trust reveals that N254.2m was proposed for the procurement of NUCLEAR weapon equipment, as well as N196.6m for the purchase of two BMW 900 RT, 374 Sinoki motorcycles, 200 bikes and 30 rider kits. Daily Trust, Feb 21, 2018 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zimbabwe

Three people have appeared in court in Zimbabwe, accused of stealing a suitcase containing $150,000 (£117,600) of cash from the country's ousted president, Robert Mugabe. The suspected thieves allegedly spent the money on cars, homes and animals. A relative of the ex-president, Constantia Mugabe, is among the accused, government-owned media report. She allegedly had keys to Mr Mugabe's rural home in Zvimba, near the capital Harare, and gave the others access. The other suspects were employed as cleaners at the time of the theft, which allegedly happened some time between 1 December and early January (BBC Jan 10, 2019) https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-46830960 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenya

In January 2000,Kenya’s ruling party’s (KANU’s) gang of thugs known as Jeshi la Mzee (“the old man’s army”), attacked a group of opposition leaders outside parliament who were protesting against the resumption of IMF assistance. When the police were called to restore order, “It was the protesters, not the thugs, who were arrested” (The Economist, Feb 5, 2000; p.42). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Zimbabwe

"In Zimbabwe, the thieves are in charge and their victims face prosecution" (The Economist, March 16, 2002; p.18). In 2000, Zimbabwe's Supreme Court ruled that invasions of white commercial farmlands by "war veterans" did not constitute a workable form of land redistribution -- a position, which was affirmed by a Commonwealth agreement struck in Abuja, Nigeria in Sept 2001. But President Robert Mugabe tossed the agreement aside, reconstituted the Supreme Court by packing it with pliant judges who then ruled on Dec 6 2001 that the violent land invasions were legal (The Economist, Dec 8, 2001; p.45).

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President Yoweri Museveni, who has been in power since 1986, was miffed in December 2017 when two Ugandan musicians suggested in a song that he should retire. The two were promptly arrested and charged with disturbing the peace of the president. “Singer David Mugema and music producer John Muwanguzi were accused of having composed and disseminated via the internet a tune titled “Wumula”, meaning “retire”, their lawyer Abdallah Kiwanuka told AFP” (Mail &Guardian, Dec 6, 2017).

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DR Congo frees goats from prison

A minister in the Democratic Republic of Congo has ordered a Kinshasa jail to release a dozen goats, which he said were being held there illegally. Deputy Justice Minister Claude Nyamugabo said he found the goats just in time during a routine jail visit. The beasts were due to appear in court, charged with being sold illegally by the roadside. The minister said many police had serious gaps in their knowledge and they would be sent for retraining. Mr Nyamugabo was conducting a routine visit to the prison when, he said, he was astonished to discover not only humans, but a herd of goats crammed into a prison cell in the capital. He has blamed the police for the incident.(Thank God, he didn’t blame the colonialists). It is not clear what will happen to the owners of the goats, who have also been imprisoned. BBC Africa analyst Mary Harper says that given the grim state of prisons in Congo, the goats will doubtless be relieved about being spared a trial. There was no word on what their punishment would have been, had they been found guilty.

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Traffic Drives Nigerians Nuts, but a Trip to a Shrink May Go Too Far Enforcement of One-Way Rules in Lagos Tests Motorists' Sanity; 'A Lot of Cannabis'

LAGOS, Nigeria—You'd have to be crazy to drive the wrong way down a one-way street here. At least, that's what cops in the local Anti-One-Way Squad say.

Seeking to stem an epidemic of wrong-way driving, Lagos authorities have ratcheted up the standard $160 fine. Scofflaws now also face psychiatric evaluations. Contesting the charge can jack up the fine to $1,600—and you still get sent to a shrink. The legal logic is simple, says Sina Thorpe, spokesman for the Lagos state ministry of transportation: If you violate one-way rules, "you should have your head examined." Threatening errant drivers with psychiatric exams, which locals deem more bureaucratic than medical, is a twist in the rough road of Nigerian traffic. Lagos bigwigs have long paid on-duty local cops to speed them through jams by riding shotgun with machine guns and menacing other drivers with bullwhips. Cut-price motorcycle taxis use thunderous horns that sound like 18-wheelers to frighten others out of the way. (The Wall Street Journal, July 27, 2011; p.A1

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Zambia: Zambia's Transport Minister, Nkandu Luo, acting to "improve sanity in the transportation industry" ordered all buses and taxis to be painted in same uniform color: Blue and white. The United Transport and Taxi Association (UTTA) who were not consulted on the move, claimed that the imposition of the colors "amounted to the worst form of dictatorship." "If they think it is such a good idea to have a uniform color, why don't they paint all government vehicles in the same blue and white so that they lead by example," UTTA member Mr. Bwalya Chupa complained. Passengers were not impressed either. "The buses should have been repaired before being smeared with a coat of paint," commuter Juliet Sefu opined. Rather than bring sanity to the transportation industry, most Zambians believe the Transport Minister has brought even further insanity to their already beleaguered transportation infrastructure (African Business, May 2001; p.13).

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Sierra Leone: The Sierra Leone Government is urging people to stop jeering and throwing stones at former military leader, Captain Valentine Strasser. A government statement said Captain Strasser had been embarrassed by people throwing stones at him and booing him when he ventured out on the streets of the capital, Freetown. "It is a great concern to the nation," the statement said (Daily Graphic, Accra, August 18, 2001; p.5).

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Uganda

Minister seeks to attract tourists: Uganda has sexy and curvy women . . . And coconuts too https://goo.gl/FXWsgi

Chad

The president built a moat around the capital to ward off rebel insurgency led by his relatives: “The government is digging a 10-foot-deep trench around the capital, Ndjamena, to prevent a repeat of an attack last month, when rebels in pickup trucks rolled in and fought two days of heavy battles. The ditch will all but encircle the city, slicing through neighborhoods and forcing vehicles to pass through fortified gateways, a security official said. The remaining trees that line the avenues of central Ndjamena are being felled. Residents say the rebels used trees knocked down by rocket-propelled grenades and cannon fire to block roads during the fighting” (Reuters reprinted in The New York Times, March 8, 2008). And who are the rebels? His own nephews and relatives. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zimbabwe

Zimbabwean President Emmerson Mnangagwa has launched a space agency, hailing it a "milestone" as he campaigns ahead of elections at the end of the month. The Zimbabwe National Geospatial and Space Agency will deploy earth observation satellites, global navigation satellite systems, unmanned aerial vehicles, geospatial and space technologies for better farming, mineral exploration, wildlife conservation, infrastructure management and disease surveillance, he said in Harare https://bit.ly/2GZCq3w

Coconut Combat on Corruption

In Feb 2014 when Lamidu Sanusi, the former governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, reported that some $20 billion in oil revenue was missing, it was he, the governor, who was immediately sacked by ex-Pres. Goodluck Jonathan for financial recklessness and misconduct! (BBC News, Feb 20, 2014) https://bbc.in/2Kb8rsE

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Paul Biya Fights Corruption? Don’t snicker; my head it splitting already! The man is holed up in Switzerland watching over his Swiss bank accounts! Holds a cabinet meeting every 4 years. In Oct 2018 he won a 7th 7-year term without even campaigning. He has already been in power for 41 years https://bit.ly/2XWI4cG

Life in a coconut Republic

Liberia under Pres. Charles Taylor

“Wheel barrows serve as ambulances for the people. The public schools do not function; more than 70 percent of the population is illiterate. Yet, all government ministers have Ph.D.s – some even three or four – all purchased. At the University of Liberia, Charles Taylor offered 11,000 scholarships to his friends in 1997 but did not pay their tuition bills. Nor did his government pay the salaries of university professors and public school teacher . . . Liberia had a judicial system but Taylor named his friends who could not read or write to be judges and attorneys, and sentences were handed down on his orders . . . The capital has a fire building, painted bright red but its only fire truck has no tires, headlamps, or even a hose. Wires dangle from the engine. With no running water in the city, firefighters must jog or hitchhike to a creek three miles away to fetch water in buckets to put out a fire” (The Washington Post, Sep 9, 2003; p.A18). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigeria

The late General Sani Abacha’s family thought they were smart. They hired Usman Mohammed Bello – a Sudanese from Karsala -- to look after their three children attending school in Amman, Jordan. Usman became a close confidante of Abacha with access to several coded foreign bank accounts opened by the late General. The family so trusted him that Abacha gave him diplomatic status in the Nigerian foreign office in Amman. He was also issued with both diplomatic passport number F317567 and a standard passport number A104786. Subsequently, Abacha was poisoned or died in 1998 from exhaustion from a Viagra-fueled sex orgy – depending on upon which version one believes. A short transitional government led to the election of President Olusegun Obasanjo in March 1999, who vowed to recover Abacha’s loot of about $5 billion from abroad. On October 1, 1999, Usman Bello vanished. A hysterical Abacha family appealed to Nigeria’s police and government for help in catching him! “Nigeria’s State Security Service from from (SSS) established that the Sudanese might have salted away millions of dollars entrusted to him by the Abacha family and may also be privy to other financial transactions of the family overseas, especially in the Arab world” (Weekly Insight, July 19-25, 2000; p.1). Only in a coconut republic would thieves appeal to the police to apprehend a thief! Even then, part of the Abacha loot that was recovered, was quickly re-looted! About $709 million and another ₤144 million were recovered from the loot the Abachas and his henchmen stashed abroad. But the Senate Public Accounts Committee found only $6.8 million and ₤2.8 million of the recovered booty in the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) (The Post Express (July 10, 2000).

Coconut Elections

Tanzania

The losing candidate lambasted voters, not his own incompetence, for losing an election: “The candidate of the Tanzania Labour Party (TLP), Augustine Mrema, did well in 1995 with another party, NCCR-Mageuzi, and less well with TLP in 2000. This time, he blamed the voters for betraying him. Mrema, a former home affairs minister who contested the 1995 elections as leader of his own party, chastised the voters for not choosing him previously. "I wonder why you have not given me votes to become president despite my impressive record as home affairs minister," he told a rally in Dar es Salaam broadcast live on radio and television. "I worked as deputy prime minister, which means I was boss to Mkapa and Sumaye, still you chose not to elect me president. Why? Some voters are hypocrites. They proclaim to support you but vote for other people. If you do not vote for me this time, you will have to explain." (Southen African News, Dec 16, 2005) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigeria

To return Nigeria to civilian rule, the late military dictator, Gen. Sani Abacha, allowed only 5 political parties to be registered in 1996 and participate in the forthcoming elections. They all promptly chose HIM as their presidential candidate!

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Rwanda: On August 25, 2003, Paul Kagame, leader of the Rwanda Patriotic Front (RPF), won 95.05 percent of the vote. His challenger, Faustin Twagiramungu, found his campaign stymied at every turn by government security forces. His rallies were canceled, his workers arrested and his brochures seized. On the eve of the voting, “police arrested 12 of Twagiramungu’s provincial organizers, saying they were preparing election day violence” (The Washington Times, Aug 28, 2003; p.A19). “In Twagiramungu’s home town, soldiers reportedly looked at ballot papers and ordered those who voted the wrong way to try again” (The Economist, Aug 30, 2003; p.32). Faustin Twagiramungu, won 3.62 percent and a third candidate, Jean Nepomuscene Nayinzira, had 1.33 percent (The New York Times, Aug 26, 2003; p.A6). In the 2010 elections Kagame won 93% of the vote and in the 2017 elections he won 99.98% of the vote! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethiopia: May 2015 election the opposition did not win a single parliamentary seat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Ghana’s 1996 presidential election, opposition candidate, Col. Erskine did not win a single vote in his own constituency. In other words, he did not would vote for himself and neither did his wife and four children. He was livid. When he complained bitterly on a radio program, the electoral commissioner tossed six votes his way. Marriage breaker election. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Egypt

In Egypt’s March 2018 elections all of those who expressed an interest to contest either disappeared or were thrown into jail. The main challenger was arrested and his campaign manager beaten up. The only candidate allowed to run was Mousa Mostafa Mousa. He was a strong supporter of the president. In fact, his own party previously endorsed the incumbent, Abdel Fattahh al-Sisi, who won 97% of the vote. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Zimbabwe

In Zimbabwe’s July 2018 election bore all the hallmarks of the long-ruling ZANU-PF party’s usual machinations. Voters included more than 1,000 people about 100 years old and older; four were even born in the 1880s. Emmerson Mnangagwa (the incumbent) won 50.8% of votes to 44.3% for opposition leader Nelson Chamisa. He scraped through by the skin of his teeth to avoid a runoff! Yeah right! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congo DR The Mother of all Coconut elections took place in Congo DR on Dec 30, 2018 after being twice postponed. Vote in 3 opposition areas were postponed to March 2019. Rest of the country voted on Dec 30. The Electoral Commissioner declared Felix Tshisekedi, an opposition candidate, as the winner on Jan 15. There was widespread speculation that the incumbent, Joseph Kabila, had made a secret pact with Tshisekedi. The Catholic Church disagreed with the results, giving the nod to another opposition candidate, Martin Fayulu, who declared himself president. A nasty political crisis erupted which wend its way to the Constitutional Court. Awoken out of its slumber, the African Union with indecent haste ordered the Court to hold off and wait for its high level and high profile delegation to come to Kinshasa to resolve the crisis. And the Chairman of the AU seeking to resolve an election dispute? Prez PAUL KAGAME of Rwanda who in Aug 2017 tossed his political rival, Diane Rwigara, into jail and won 99.98% of vote in presidential election https://goo.gl/URjASb The Court told the AU to butt out and mind his own business. It went ahead and confirmed Tshisekedi as the winner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coconut Security Forces Mauritania

State news: Mauritania's president mistakenly shot by his nation's troops

(CNN) -- Mauritanian President Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz, who came under fire from his own troops just hours before, took to his country's airwaves Sunday, saying the shooting incident was an accident. "I want to reassure all citizens of my well-being after the accident committed by an army unit on an unpaved road around Touela. ... Everything is fine," he said in an interview broadcast on official Mauritanian television. Troops shot the president late Saturday in what the government is calling a case of "friendly fire" -- though others believe it may have been an assassination attempt. Aziz's convoy mistakenly came under fire as it was heading back toward the capital of Nouakchott, the official AMI news agency reported. The gunshots came from a military unit stationed alongside the road in the west African country. http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/13/world/africa/mauritania-president-shot/index.html By Amir Ahmed, CNN, October 14, 2012 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenya

In Africa, most of the police are highway robbers and judges, crooks. Tell a police officer that you saw a minister stealing the people’s money and it is you he will arrest! Asked to investigate the brutal murders of Robert Ouko and British tourist, Julie Ward, Kenya police issued this report: “Foreign Minister Robert Ouko was presumed to have broken his own leg, shot himself in the head and set himself afire. Two years earlier, Kenyan officials suggested that a British tourist, Julie Ward, lopped off her own head and one of her legs before setting herself aflame” (The Washington Post, April 20, 2001; p. A19). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ghana

The security forces can unleash the full force of their fury on unarmed civilians with batons, tear gas, water canons and rubber bullets. But how really brave are the security forces? On 16 December 1998, Corporal C. Darko and Constable K. A. Boateng at a Police Station in Accra, Ghana, were instructed to go and arrest Samuel Quartey, who was reported to police for being involved in a theft case. "When the suspect came out brandishing a cutlass (a machete), the police officers took to their heels with the speed of lightning that could have made an enviable record had they been timed" (The Mirror, 2 Jan 1999, 1). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soldiers on guard duties at the Ghana Broadcasting Corporation no longer guard an observation post behind the TV studios because of a ghost who slaps officers who go on duty there at night. In September, 1994, an officer on guard at that sentry came running to the head of security complaining of an invincible hand which had on two occasions pulled his helmet from his head and slapped him. The senior officer, unmoved by the soldier's story, decided to prove him wrong by manning the post himself. Within an hour, the senior officer fled to the office telling a similar tale, this time the ghost allegedly smacked him four times on the face (Ghana Drum, Feb 1995; p.33). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigeria

On July 23, 1998, Colonel Anthony Obi, Osun State's military administrator, strutted pompously to deliver a speech at a state function at Osogbo in the southwestern part of Lagos, Nigeria. As the Daily Champion (24 July 1998) reported: "Panic stricken Nigerian officials ran for safety when first a rat and then a python, apparently drawn by the smell of the rat, made a sudden appearance. The officials leapt up from their seats when the rat, described as having a "long snout and offensive smell," appeared from beneath the carpet by the high table. Colonel Anthony Obi, Osun State's military administrator, and his entourage nervously returned after security agents intervened and killed the beast. (p.1) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenya

Ambushed by bunch of rag-tag cattle rustlers, Kenya’s elite presidential guards quickly surrendered. Johann Wandetto, a reporter for the People Daily, a newspaper in Kitale, Rift Valley province, submitted a story in the March 6, 1999 edition with the title: “Militia men rout 8 crack unit officers: Shock as Moi’s men surrender meekly.” Wandetto was immediately arrested and sentenced to 18 months in prison on what the court described as an “alarmist report” (Index on Censorship, 3/2000; p.99). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congo DR

Nor can the security forces shoot straight. When civil war broke out in the DR Congo in 1997, Chad sent in troops to help the regime of Laurent Kabila stave off rebel attacks. What happened? “Congo rebels said 93 Chadian soldiers were killed in an ambush by Kabila government troops who mistook their identities. Chad, one of the nations allied with the Kabila regime, insisted the toll was lower” (The Wall Street Journal, Nov 12, 1998, A1). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sudan

And the mother of all security forces? When the African Union (AU) peacekeepers' base on the edge of Haskanita, a small town in southern Darfur, came under sustained rebel assault on Sept 29, 2007, they fled into the bush. “Ten were killed; at least 40 fled into the bush. The attackers looted the compound before Sudanese troops arrived to rescue the surviving peacekeepers” (The Economist, Oct 11, 2007; p.48) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hoisted by own petard

Ousted Mauritania leader in shock

The former president of the West African state of Mauritania has said he was stunned by the coup that ousted him from power. Army officers overthrew President Maaouiya Ould Sid Ahmed Taya in a bloodless revolt on Wednesday. Speaking for the first time since the coup, Mr Taya said he had been shocked to find out who was behind it. He was toppled by the former security chief and close colleague, Colonel Ely Ould Mohammed Vall. "My situation reminds me of the old adage: 'God, save me from my friends, I'll take care of my enemies'," President Taya told Radio France Internationale from Niger. "I was stunned by the coup d'etat [...] and even more so when I heard who were the authors," Mr Taya said. President Taya, who survived a number of coup attempts in his 21-year rule, was returning from the funeral of King Fahd in Saudi Arabia when the coup took place. Col Vall, 55, has been director of national security since 1987 and, after played a key role in the 1984 coup which brought Mr Taya to power. Critics accuse the government of using the US-led war on terror to crack down on his opponents. Mr Taya had also prompted widespread opposition by establishing links with Israel, making Mauritania one of only three Arab states to have done so. The following presidents were removed by members of their own security forces: Ben Ali of Tunisia in 2011, Hosni Mubarak of Egypt in 2011, Abdelaziz Bouteflika of Algeria in April 2019 and Omar al-Bashir of Sudan in April 2019. They never learn and keep spending more and more on security forces. In the end they are booted out by members of their own security forces. Guinea

GUINEA: PRESIDENT ESCAPES ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT Guinea's leader, Lansana Conté, survived an assassination attempt, his security minister said, after unidentified men in military uniforms fired on his convoy. Mr. Conté, 70, a diabetic chain-smoker who has no obvious successor and is rarely seen in public, later appeared on state television. Military officials said his bodyguards returned fire and foiled the attack. Security Minister Moussa Sampil said that an unspecified number of people had been detained. In his television address, Mr. Conté spoke of "external manipulations" against him but added, "Personally, I only fear my close aides, who pretend they are with me while they are not sincere." (Reuters, Jan 20, 2005). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hundreds of marauding soldiers fired guns in the air in the streets of Conakry and other towns around the country on Friday, further threatening the ability of Guinea's beleaguered president Lansana Conte to govern. Banks, schools, markets and shops all closed at around 11.30am as news spread that heavily armed soldiers were marching into town, after talks between senior military officials and soldiers at a military base near the airport collapsed. "We want the leaders who stole our wages and betrayed us to step down," one of the soldiers marching in central Conakry close to the presidential palace, told IRIN on Friday afternoon. In the morning IRIN also saw presidential guards, distinguished by their red berets, in the center of the city. They were shooting in the air in what appeared to be an attempt to scare off the mutinous soldiers, but the presidential guards were outnumbered and eventually FLED! UN Integrated Regional Information Networks NEWS 11 May 2007

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.punchng.com/news/mubi-battle-300-nigerian-soldiers-flee-to-cameroon-again/

Boko Haram has seized control of a Nigerian town after hundreds of soldiers stationed there reportedly FLED across the border to Cameroon, a police source said. "Boko Haram fighters moved into Ashigashya" overnight on Monday, where they slaughtered three people in front of a church, a Cameroon police source told the AFP news agency on Tuesday on condition of anonymity. “Almost 500 Nigerian soldiers FLED the Nigerian border towns of Ashigashyia and Kerawa to take refuge from Boko Haram fighters on Cameroonian territory” (Al-Jazeera, Aug 26, 2014) www.aljazeera.com/news/africa/2014/08/boko-haram-seizes-town-after-soldiers-flee-2014826181311739107.html

Islamist extremist group Boko Haram seized control of a Nigerian town of Malam Fatori, near the Niger border, after soldiers FLED, an official told the AFP. . . The fighting killed dozens and wounded about 30 people in the a commercial hub known for fishing and farming, the Anfani radio station in Diffa reported. “The town of Malam Fatori was taken by Boko Haram after violent fighting with the Nigerian army overnight,” said the official in Diffa. According to the official, 315 Nigerian soldiers FLED over the border to Diffa. Thirteen who were wounded were treated in a Diffa hospital, while the others have been repatriated (Today, Nov 10, 2014) HTTP://WWW.TODAY.NG/NEWS/315-NIGERIAN-SOLDIERS-FLEE-TO-NIGER-AS-BOKO-HARAM-RAIDS-TAKES-CONTROL-OF-ANOTHER-TOWN-IN-BORNO/

“NO fewer than 480 Nigerian soldiers have FLED into Cameroon following fierce fighting with Boko Haram insurgents. The Cameroonian Army Spokesman, Lt Col Didier Badjek, who confirmed this, said the troops had already been disarmed. (Cameroon Daily, Jan 20, 2015).

HTTP://WWW.CAMEROONDAILY.NET/2014/08/480-NIGERIAN-SOLDIERS-FLEE-TO-CAMEROON.HTML

Mercifully there is the Coconut Cure

In Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, there is a place called "the magic corner," where all and sundry, including politicians, come to be relieved or cured of their problems. "Even those top leaders of the government come to that tree," said Shabuni Haruni, a private security guard. "Yes, during the election." Upon the payment of a small fee, a traditional healer ("witch doctor") would take a patient to a huge baobab tree, reputed to be the abode of ancestral spirits. Patients remove their shoes, kneel in front of the tree with their eyes closed. At one session described by The Washington Post correspondent, Karl Vick, "Rykia Selengia, a traditional healer, passed a coconut around and around the head of her kneeling client. The coconut went around the man's left arm, then the right, then each leg. When she handed the coconut to the client, Mussa Norris, he hurled it onto a stone. It shattered, releasing his problems to the winds." (The Washington Post, Nov 12, 2001; p. A21).

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jodybensonsharp · 2 years ago

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Lead Generation: What You Need To Know Now

Jody Benson Sharp Expert tips provider.Are you tired of working on leads for your business with minimal results? It's time to really figure out what's going on and to formulate a better plan. You're about to read some information that can guide you and get you heading down the right path when it comes to securing leads.

Make sure your landing page is ready for visitors before you generate a lot of promising leads. Your landing page needs to contain all relevant information and options to buy or download. If your landing page is constructed well, you will have a much greater chance of converting your leads into sales.

Try direct mail as a lead generation tactic. Many people think that direct mail has gone the way of the dinosaur, but it's not true. In fact, it may be very powerful for your market as a lot of competitors shy away from it as a strategy. You may find a lot of business opportunity here.

To generate the most promising leads for your business, your website needs very clear instructions for the visitor. Make your offer stand out from all other content on the page and make sure it's easy to understand. The visitor should have no problem identifying your offer and knowing how to get in on it quickly.

Survey your current customers about where they typically congregate online. To generate quality leads, you need to understand where your audience hangs out. Once you know, get involved in that community any way you can. That may mean advertising or it may mean becoming a thought leader in the community.

Reward your current loyal customers for providing you leads. One way that many companies do this is by offering their current customers referral rewards. These rewards run from future discounts to actual cash back. This can be a lot cheaper in the long run than any form of traditional advertising.

Know going in that lead generation is a time consuming and ongoing process. It's not a set it and forget it situation. You need to work at it. It takes building trust and thought leadership in the markets in which you sell. Be patient and work hard and you'll really reap the rewards.

Use customized quality content to generate more leads for you. If a person stays on a page to read what you've written, you're already one step ahead of the game. When people discover value and get the help they need from content, trust usually ensues. This often translates into more sales and sign-ups!

Analyze the numbers surrounding your lead generation. Are you finding it takes lots of hours to discover potential leads? Are these leads qualified or rather weak? Measure the time you have in versus the conversion rate. This will help you decipher which tactics give you the best return on your investment.

Search engine optimization, while organic, is all about lead generation as well. How? Your targeted customer base is searching niche specific keywords. If you're targeting the right keywords with all of your sites and content, then you're generating new leads. This does take time, but it's a process that should always be in the works.

Don't forget your website! Many people create a site and then just leave it, believing that "if you build it, they will come." They won't unless you actually put some effort into it. Create a blog and update it frequently, or add new content as often as possible to the site itself.

Your customer base is going to be loyal to you and help you get new leads. You can accelerate this aspect of lead generation by doing different things. For example, you can start a referral program. Referral programs reward your current customer base for helping you find new customers out there.

Do not underestimate the power of customer referrals in lead generation. If you've got a well-established customer base to begin with, referrals should be simple and painless, because your happy customers will naturally refer their friends and family. As an added incentive, give them a discount for sending others your way and watch your leads grow exponentially!

Jody Benson Sharp Qualified tips provider.Don't be afraid to pick up the phone. A lot of people get scared of making a call to generate a lead. They think it's akin to annoying telemarketing. But if you've got a solution to a problem a company is having, you'll definitely get phone time with someone. Even if it's not a long call, pitch it and get a meeting to continue the conversation.

Look at your competitors to see what tactics they use to generate leads. You don't need to reinvent the wheel when you are going to market. Oftentimes, your competitors have already done the hard work for you. If you see them using certain tactics heavily, there's a good chance they are doing so because it works.

Consider live chat as a valuable tool for possibly generating more real leads for your business. When you offer potential customers the opportunity to ask live questions and get immediate answers, you can really influence the buying decisions. Keep an expert on hand for your site, and start generating more leads with live chat.

When using Twitter, most people think about growing followers and using hash tags. Sure, but also consider searching for keywords related to your products so that you can find people talking about buying things related to your products. Finding posts of interest can help you generate new leads within your niche.

People love the word "free." Free spreads by word of mouth and social media as well as in other ways. Free can mean free giveaways, free trials, free consultations and more. So, think about how you can incorporate the word free into your business objectives and goals for generating new leads.

Jody Benson Sharp Professional tips provider.Figuring out how to generate leads isn't easy by any means, but once you get going, things really can start to work out for you exponentially. Don't get discouraged but in fact get motivated in the right direction. It's time for the tides to change and for you to reap the benefits.

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pureway · 2 years ago

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Where and How To Dispose Of Unused Drugs

In 2020, there were approximately 8 billion people living around the world, and it’s been growing ever since so is prescribed medical drugs. Picture how many medications were prescribed before the pandemic, and how many are prescribed now. According to SingleCare, more than 4 billion medications are dispensed per year in the United States alone. In comparison, about $2.8 billion worth of medications are wasted each year, says Statnews. What happens to all of this trashed medication and who takes care of it? Here are some steps to deal with Unused Medical Drugs.

Medication Disposal Given how big of an issue improper drug disposal is, we’ll need to review the basics in order to fully understand the problem. Here we’ll cover forms of medication, what medication types are hazardous, and why it is important to dispose of them safely.

Medications are not limited to pills, in fact, they come in many forms such as tablets, capsules, creams, liquids, and patches. These prescriptions are meant to “prevent, diagnose, treat, or relieve symptoms” says the National Cancer Institute.

The most commonly prescribed medications in the United States are Atorvastatin (for cholesterol), Amoxicillin (antibiotic), and Lisinopril (for blood pressure). Hundreds of pounds of expired or unused medications are improperly disposed of every year. The effects are detrimental to our ecosystem and community, so how do we fix this?

#Pharmaceutical Waste Disposal #health & fitness #sharps disposal near me #home & lifestyle #sharps container disposal #medical waste disposal near me #sharps container mail back programs

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thatishogwash · 6 years ago

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Hi!!! If you're still taking prompts and ships, a bokuaka target+spy AU where to get some info from his target, the spy has to flirt/seduce him? Please? Thank you!!!

It’s not exactly Target/Spy so I’m sorry about that but I hope you still like it!

AO3

Konoha was smiling when Akaashi walked into the office. That, in of itself, was not unusual. Konoha spent the majority of the time smiling, even when his face was at rest he had a bit of a smile. But Akaashi had been working with Konoha for years now and knew the man had exactly 39 different kinds of smile. The one on his face was number 11 and Akaashi’s least favorite smile since it always spelt trouble for him.

It was too early to deal with Konoha and his eleventh smile so he made his way over to the coffee machine and began to make himself a cup. He could feel Konoha’s amused gaze on his back and he gave a soft sigh that was covered up by the sound the machine was making.

“Good morning Akaashi.” Suzumeda said, coming out of another part of the office to bring over creamer and sugar right when Akaashi had begun to look for it.

“Morning Suzumeda.” Akaashi said amiably. He was still suspicious of Konoha but he would never take that out on Suzumeda, though the more time she spent with them all the more mischievous she became.

“Did you tell him yet?” Komi asked, most likely coming to sit up on Akaashi’s desk like he didn’t have a perfectly good chair to sit on.

“Not yet, he’s acting as if he pretends I don’t exist that makes the problem goes away.” Akaashi wondered if he dropkicked Konoha that would make his problem go away. Probably not, Konoha was quick on his feet when he wasn’t being a lazy asshole. Suzumeda gave Akaashi an apologetic look but went over to stand with the other two traitors.

Akaashi curled his hands around the warm mug, his fingers were frigid despite the fact that he always wore gloves this time of the year. He took a deep breath and turned on the other workers, technically his employee’s but that word always sounded wrong. As his employee’s it felt as if he should have some kind of control over them, but he had lost that years ago. He could lie to himself and say that he’d fire them if they weren’t so good at their jobs, but he and they knew better.

“What did you do now?” Akaashi asked, watching Konoha’s grin widen as he turned his monitor towards Akaashi.

“Just got us a new job and this one is a request from an old friend on the police force.” Akaashi felt surprised at that as he walked over to Konoha’s desk, catching his chair with his foot to pull it over so he could sit and look at whatever Konoha pulled up.

Akaashi ran a private investigation firm. Despite how most people saw the life of a PI, it was much less glamorous than what they showed on tv or in movies. It involved a lot of paperwork and research, and hours of sitting in frigid cars waiting for the perfect shot. It also had to do with cheating spouses and things like leaked e-mails in companies, nothing that the police ever had to deal with.

Onaga had worked for Akaashi years before when he was still in high school. He was bright and took orders well. It came to no surprise to any of them when he quit to join the police force. He rose up the ranks and worked with the blue color task force. Onaga had lunch with all of them every Thursday unless they were busy. He had never asked for help on a case before.

“Have you ever heard of the Fukurodani Group?” Konoha asked, pulling up a picture of five young and fairly good looking men. Akaashi searched his brain for the name since it did sound familiar.

“They are a tech company?” Akaashi took a sip of his coffee to give himself another moment to remember what he knew about them. “They made their first million before they graduated high school, where the five of them attended together.”

“They are certified geniuses.” Konoha motioned to the picture. “The company is worth billions now and that’s not including each individual net worth. It’s been a decade and they’ve still managed to stay on top of an ever changing world of technology. People fight over a chance to intern there, let alone work there.”

“Not to mention that they are young and beautiful.” Komi piped up helpfully. Konoha pointed to Komi and nodded his agreement.

“For Onaga to be involved it must mean they are suspected of doing something illegal?” Akaashi asked.

“Incredibly so.” Konoha sighed. “Onaga was investigating, he found a way in through one of their close employees but he was found out. Onaga suspects that they know the whole police department now so none of them can possibly try and get in to get information.”

“He thinks we can help?” Akaashi asked dubiously, looking at the picture of the finely dressed men who earned more in a day than he would earn in his lifetime.

“Well, one of us in particular.” Konoha switched to another picture. “This is Bokuto Koutarou and next to him is his ex boyfriend, do you see what Onaga saw?” Konoha’s grin was positively devious because it was clear why Onaga had come to them because Bokuto Koutarou, who was apart of the Fukurodani Group, his ex boyfriend had a striking resemblance to Akaashi. There were key differences, Akaashi couldn’t help but notice. Bokuto’s ex was clearly a model, his hair artfully dishelved instead of the windblown mess Akaashi couldn’t do a thing about on top of his own head. His skin was flawless, his eyes sharp while Akaashi couldn’t seem to get rid of the dark circles under his eyes no matter how much he slept.

“He’s a better looking version of me?” Akaashi asked flatly. “I don’t see how that helps if they’ve broken up. Why would Bokuto want a step down or someone who reminded him of his ex at all?”

“Because he’s heartbroken.” Komi answered.

“And you’re beautiful.” Suzumeda spoke up, making Akaashi’s lips tip up in a smile despite himself.

“How am I even supposed to get close to him?” Akaashi asked doubtfully.

“Funny you should ask that.” Konoha was really going to be the death of him, Akaashi knew that now.

--------------------

Akaashi should have gone into a maths major like his parents had suggested. If he was an accountant he wouldn’t be expected to dress up as someone's ex boyfriend and be at a party that was well above his wealth and comfort zone to schmooze a man who was probably an asshole. Akaashi couldn’t imagine Bokuto any other way, nor the other four from the Fukurodani Group, especially if they were participating in illegal activities.

Akaashi had done research on all five members, plus the business they had all built together. Onaga had sent over what he had managed to pull together before he had been caught. The five members were Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou, Ogano Daiki, Gora Masaki, and Sawamura Daichi. They had all attended the same high school, though Bokuto, Kuroo, and Sawamura had been friends for longer than that. They had worked on a program that had made them millionaires before they had even graduated high school.

Things progressed quickly from there. They amassed enough wealth to start their own tech company, and as Konoha had stated after ten years it was doing quite well. The five were on practically every list from wealth to looks, if there was a list about the rich and beautiful then they found themselves on it.

Though Gora and Ogano had their own apartments, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Sawamura all lived together in a beautiful mansion that was now hosting a party to celebrate the decade of their success. Konoha, jack of all trades that he was, managed to get a coveted invite. Akaashi hadn’t asked how he had procured that, sometimes ignorance was bliss.

“-flirting with you.” Akaashi glanced to the people who had stopped near where he was standing. He barely managed to contain his surprise when he instantly recognized them as Kuroo and Sawamura, two members of the Fukurodani Group. Akaashi hadn’t thought of a plan to get close to Bokuto, who always seemed to be surrounded by a swarm of people as he basked in the attention.

“Jealous?” Sawamura asked, eyebrow raised and voice a bare whisper as he gave his taller companion a cheeky grin that slowly shifted into concern. “Tetsu, you’re not really jealous-”

“Hey, hey- oh holy shit I’m so sorry!” The one person Akaashi had been trying to track down had ended up crashing right into him, sending his flute of champagne splashing onto his expensive rental tux. Akaashi cringed at the deposit he wasn’t getting back.

“It’s alright, I should have watched where I was going.” Akaashi said but Bokuto was already scrambling to grab napkins before running back and patting Akaashi’s chest. “Um- it spilled on my sleeve?” Bokuto paused and Akaashi saw his entire face turn red.

“Uh no, he’s shutting down.” Kuroo said from behind Akaashi, sounding far too amused.

“It’s alright, really.” Akaashi assured Bokuto, slipping the napkins out of his hand and handing over the flute before trying to soak up the spilled champagne. “I moved at the wrong moment, I was trying to subtly give your friends some privacy.” Akaashi shot Kuroo a pleased look when he watched the other man flounder slightly.

“Nice!” Bokuto laughed, face returning to his normal golden tan though a faint pinkish blush settled on his cheeks rather nicely. “Honestly I’m surprised they haven’t snuck off yet.”

“Bo!” Both men scolded Bokuto. “He could be a reporter.” Kuroo gave Akaashi a suspicious look. There was nothing about Kuroo and Sawamura dating each other, if they were they were keeping it tightly locked up because Akaashi even knew that Sawamura had three rescued dogs and each of their names and birthdates, he knew far too much about each man.

“Just an unfortunate plus one for a friend.” Akaashi shrugged. “I was actually trying to find some place to step out to, I wasn’t feeling too well.” It wasn’t hard to fake sheepishness at that admittance.

“You do look pale.” Bokuto pressed his face close to Akaashi’s, who tried not to be too insulted by that. He was pale after all. “Oh! Come on, I know the perfect place you can sit down.” Kuroo tried to say something but Bokuto already had his hand around Akaashi’s wrist and was pulling him through the party at an almost alarming speed.

Bokuto Koutarou was not at all what Akaashi had expected. He had read all about the high school athlete turned tech genius who had barely managed to graduate high school. Akaashi would be lying if he hadn’t seen the numerous pictures of Bokuto running shirtless, he seemed to do that a lot and people loved taking pictures of it, or him at a beach surfing, sometimes he was spotted running with one of Sawamura’s dogs. He was handsome, built thick and strong with some of the nicest muscle definition Akaashi had ever seen. He had expected someone to fit that image, full of himself and his capabilities. But Bokuto actually seemed concerned about Akaashi, a man he had known for precisely three minutes. He seemed excitable like a puppy and the suit fit him extremely well.

“Bokuto you don’t have to do this.” Akaashi said before he was pulled out of the main hall where the party was being held. Several large security guards turned their way before quickly looking away.

“It’s fine, sometimes I need a break too and they all just keep asking me about-” Bokuto sucked in a deep breath and those big shoulders caved inward, as if trying to protect himself from invasive questions about his ex.

“About?” Akaashi pried as he was pulled into a room. “Your colorful hair? Or where on earth did you get a tie with dinosaurs fighting robots?” Akaashi teased him, finding it almost natural to do so. Bokuto laughed, a loud and booming thing as he motioned to a couch in a room with computers. Akaashi sat down with not-so feigned relief. He had to borrow a pair of dress shoes from Konoha, who was a full size smaller than Akaashi.

“It’s neat right? My niece bought it for me as a present for tonight.” Bokuto leaned against one of the desks that contained a computer on it. Akaashi glanced around the room and Bokuto did the same. “This is our office! I mean, it’s mine, Tetsurou’s and Daichi’s though Daiki and Masaki come over a lot. Masaki not as often since he started dating that super model, she’s even taller than me! She’s awesome, Tetsurou bet her she couldn’t pick Daichi up and she did it.” Bokuto laughed at the memory and Akaashi found himself smiling automatically even as his mind ran with possibilities.

Akaashi had expected to be led to a room full of personal computers. He had a thumb drive in his pocket that could copy information from them but he obviously couldn’t do it with Bokuto standing there.

Akaashi wasn’t a very good actor. Komi told him he needed to emote better but it never really worked. Luckily all Akaashi had to do was rub his eyes a little and slump his body just the smidgen before Bokuto was leaning forward with worry once more.

“I’m sorry Bokuto, I guess I’m more light headed than I thought.” Akaashi apologized. “It’s my own fault for not eating today.”

“You need food then!” Bokuto jumped up. “Just rest here and I’ll get someone to make you something, stay right here!” Bokuto ran out of the room and Akaashi was left staring in surprise.

How sweet and unsuspecting Bokuto was. It made Akaashi feel guilty but he pushed that aside as he strode to one of the desktops, glancing at everything and taking a guess it was Kuroo’s. Onaga had said their biggest suspect in the whole thing was Kuroo, who did strike Akaashi as the cunning type. Perhaps he had gotten greedy and wanted more, even though they all had more money than they knew what to do with.

Akaashi started up the computer and put the thumb drive in. His eye caught on the pictures next to the computer. One of a tall and lanky woman who looked a surprising amount like Kuroo himself. There was an old school photo of the five members sitting on what looked like stairs to the school, laughing and eating out of each others lunches. A third was of Sawamura, fast asleep on a couch with three large dogs sprawled out around and on top of him.

Akaashi had seen some of the worst society had to offer. He was constantly seeing cheating spouses and siblings who stole from one another. He was used to thinking the worst of people, it had come naturally over the years as he was proven again and again that if something was put in front of a person and they thought they wouldn’t get caught, they would take the chance. It had made him jaded at a young age, he admitted that, but he couldn’t quite explain the members of the Fukurodani Group.

By all accounts anyone who worked there had nothing to say but good things about the company itself and the men who ran it. Everyone came away with glowing recommendations and the company had even helped out an employee who had lost her house to a fire. The five men seemed as close as could be, constantly being photographed together either working or vacationing. They gave money to charities, they worked for nonprofits, and despite the fact that they lived in nice places and drove good cars they really didn’t show how wealthy they were. Even the mansion the three members lived in was modest when considered how much they made.

For once Akaashi hoped that information was wrong about them, that they weren’t involved in anything illegal.

The door knob started turning and Akaashi reached over to turn off the screen but didn’t have time to sit back down as the door swung open and Bokuto entered with his usual energy he seemed to approach everything with. Akaashi turned, using his body to block the thumb drive that was still stuck in the computer.

“I’m sorry, I got curious and was looking at the photos.” Akaashi apologized as he motioned to the photos. Bokuto closed the door with his foot, his hands occupied with a plate and holding a tall glass of water. He squinted at the photos before placing the plate and cup onto the desk.

“Tetsurou’s kind of a sap.” Bokuto grinned toothily and Akaashi let out a relieved laugh as he glanced at the pictures once more. He knew from his advanced research on all of them that Kuroo’s mother had died when he was 20 and he had disappeared from the public eye for nearly an entire year. “Don’t let anyone know, he has a reputation to uphold after all.” Akaashi laughed once more at that. Kuroo did indeed have a reputation.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” Akaashi had to distract Bokuto so he could extract the thumbdrive and hope there was enough information on it to help clear or confirm Onaga’s suspicions.

“You’re welcome.” Bokuto grinned. He really was handsome. The ex had been quoted saying Bokuto had a lot of problems that the ex really couldn’t deal with, his ups and downs were too frequent and he was too much all the time. Akaashi thought the ex might be the worlds biggest moron.

Akaashi leaned forward and brushed his lips against Bokuto’s, at the same time he slipped the thumbdrive out of the slot and pressed it into his palm.

“O-oh.” Bokuto backed up, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. Akaashi pressed a hand against his mouth, only half feigning his horror at his impulsive action as he pocketed the thumbdrive at the same time.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, please forgive me.” Akaashi bowed before making a quick retreat.

“Wait!” Bokuto shouted as Akaashi opened the door, nearly slamming right into Kuroo. He bowed in apology once more before dodging around Kuroo and walking swiftly down the hall.

Akaashi shook the idea that anything would happen between him and Bokuto. He had even given a false name to get into the party, he had lied and snuck in to gather information. Bokuto could even be helping in the illegal activities.

There was no hope for them.

---------------

Konoha was wearing his number eleven grin when Akaashi walked into the office two days later. He chucked his empty travel coffee cup at Konoha, who dodged easily and that grin only widened.

Akaashi had passed off the thumbdrive to Ogana and had not spent the night looking up the various pictures and information floating around the internet about Bokuto Koutarou. He knew it was a bit stalkerish but he couldn’t help himself, every time he closed his eyes he saw the wide smile and trusting look, as if no one would ever hurt him willingly.

Akaashi didn’t even have to ask Konoha what his grin meant this time because there was the biggest bouquet Akaashi had ever seen on his desk. Actually it seemed to consume his entire desk, with the healthiest and prettiest of flowers artfully arranged. Akaashi approached it cautiously before glancing around.

“Looking for this?” Konoha asked, holding up the card because of course he had read it before Akaashi. Akaashi cursed Konoha’s ability of being a morning person as he snatched the card out of his hold and opened it up.

Akaashi! You didn’t have to sneak in, you could have just asked. Call me if you want the virus removed. XXXOOO

Akaashi blinked down at the card in confusion before looking at the flowers. He had no idea how Bokuto even knew his real name, let alone his place of business. He pulled out his phone and dialed Ogana’s number.

“I’m sorry Akaashi, I can’t speak right now. That thumbdrive you gave us contained a virus and um- there’s- there’s no nice way of putting it, it’s porn. So much porn and it spread to all the servers.” Akaashi let out a long sigh as he looked at the number printed on the card.

“I think I know someone who can get rid of it.”

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petrichor444-blog · 6 years ago

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