#shame because it would go so hard… augh…

[clegfly]

GAH THANK YOU SO MUCH WJENEJEJ…

I’ve been plagued by these two for HOURS I’ve done nothing but think about and doodle them… the siblings ever! They have one brain cell between them

Also the sprout mole shirt ehejennej… fun fact about that sunny’s design here is based off of OMORI’s first design, and I’m pretty sure the little creature on his shirt is a character from earthbound… but I replaced it with a sprout mole because he would so have a sprout mole shirt… especially cause they’re video game characters in their universe

“What have I done?”

More puter au stuff because you all love it so… and so do I ajsnsjjsns…

[fungateshortcakes]

omg… my brain… it’s too HORNY…

bc i just read ur pegging logan fic and my first thought was “omg how would he feel ab a ribbed/bad dragon dildo” 😵‍💫😵‍💫

u do not have to write anything for this if u don’t wanna i just need someone to hear me out on this 👀 bc i know he’d whimper every time one of the little bumps hits a good spot in him 😫😫 AUGH IM GOING INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

YEEEEESSS I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS OFC I WILL WRITE SOMETHING

call me insane but I just spent the last hour browsing through the bad dragon website to look for some XL dildos Logan would go for because they are extra textured

So here is a short list of bad dragon toys I found if anyone wants to search up what they look like before we start with the real fun part

Slater the stone wyvern (extra large)

Reggie the mothman (extra large)

Flint the uncut studded dragon (extra large)

Abyss the Kaiju King (extra large)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

So, we can all agree that Logan likes his toys big. Like extra extra large. Of course he started out smaller but with time, he managed to take bigger and bigger toys, larger in length and thicker in girth. It would be a great accomplishment for him if he was able to sink down just a bit further every time he tried out a new and bigger toy.

Doing this was one of his greatest pleasures. After an especially hard mission he was longing to unwind with a fat cock stretching him open. He loves it so much, he is such a slut for monster cock. Sometimes you'd arrive a bit late to your shared bedroom and find Logan on your bed, three fingers plunged into his sopping hole as he eagerly prepped himself. His fingers weren't enough, never enough. They couldn't sooth that ache deep within him, the primal need to be full and stretched and stuffed. He let out a sigh of relief the second a girthy, phat dick would slip right past his tight ring of muscle and settle deep in his tummy until there was a bulge there. He just sobs out in ecstasy and lets himself completely surrender to the pleasure rocking his body with every thrust.

You will know when the bumps hit these sensitive spots inside him because he will arch his back, the curve of his spine perfectly visible as he starts to beg. "Fuck....mhmnn yes, right there. Right there please, keep going"

The schlickschlickschlick sound that could be heard every time his hole gripped the bumps and ridges on the toy tight when it was pulled out made him shiver. The dildo was nicely glistening with fake cum lube, spit and his arousal. Your eyes were trained on where the silicone cock disappeared inside of him and the way his hole fitted over the textured surface.

"You get fucked like this every damn day like the insatable bitch you are until you're gaping. And you're still so tight every time"

Logan loveslovesloves textured dildos so much. Not that he doesn't use the smooth ones at all, it depends in what mood he is in. But most of the time he wants to feel the bumps, ridges, lines and dents against his aching walls and feel every slight texture fucking him open and abusing his sweet spot. You knew exactly which angle you needed to fuck him to hit his arousal swollen prostate with precision.

"Mmm,yeah fuck, milk me dry" he mewls out, his cock throbbing lewdly against the bulge on his tummy, leaking all over the sheets. He gets so cute and whiny like this. He makes sounds no one would think were possible coming from him. His face is flushed and squished against the pillows, tears staining his cheeks, his eyes rolling back. Spit in his mouth please.

He wants you to keep fucking him even after he came multiple times because it's just that good.

When you aren't there to fuck him for whatever reason, he gets so needy. Of course he can ride the toys but that's just not the same as you pounding him from behind and slut shaming him. And his legs gave out pretty fast. So the fucking machine you bought him was the best present ever. When you were gone, he could still get fucked by any monster cock he desired and for as long as he wanted. It still didn't come close to you but it was good enough.

Sometimes you used the fucking machine even though you were here, controlling the speed and roughness of the thrusts to drive him mad.

[inhonoredglory]

i dont know if you partake in any of the doctor who comics at all - i certainly dont. i like keeping my sanity safe (its a mess of strange stories and paradoxes from what ive been able to tell. as are most comic series). but recently there was one that elaborated a bit on rose and the metacrisis’s life post journeys end, and its one of the few pieces of media we have for them. i didnt care enough to read the whole thing, the only interesting part to me was apparently they had a little girl named mia, and ive been thinking abt that dynamic nonstop since. cant decide how realistic it is for them, but on the otherside augh its so sweet. anyway, i just wanted to ask how you feel about rose and the metacrisis in general, and whatever that entails. curious abt ur thoughts on them!

- armin anon/lesbian anon/whatever you feel like calling me lol

OMGG my anon (of many names lol)! OK first off, I drafted some of this way back but forgot to add on and post, so in the words of our beloved Doctor,

🌹 But onto the DW comics and Meta-Crisis/Rose!!

I only recently started reading the comics, starting with the ones about Gabby Gonzalez by Nick Abadzis, and I have to admit:

They make me yearn pretty fucking hard to run away and travel with the Doctor. There's some killer art by Elena Casagrande that feels so much like the Doctor we know and love (that kindness, that earnest love.... god!! my heart and soul!!).

But I warn ye (any readers of this post), DO NOT TOUCH Volume 2 by Robbie Morrison. He takes Ten blatantly out of character, making him out to be an arrogant bastard who belittles his companion and is flippant in the face of suffering. (Morrison watched too much Eleven, methinks 🙈)

I haven't read the Rose/Meta-Crisis comic yet (part of the Empire of the Wolf series), but I did see the important panel from that series, showing Rose's daughter Mia:

I think the Meta-Crisis settling down to have a family with Rose is pretty in-character and very much what the Tenth Doctor would have wanted, as much as it hurt him.

Because Ten fundamentally felt unworthy of Rose.

💔 The Doctor's Trauma

Rose was strong and compassionate and amazing, and Ten had done so much, seen so much, experienced so much tragedy and guilt. He's a man wrecked by PTSD, depression, shame, and self-blame. He felt like it wasn't fair to her that she'd sacrifice her life to someone who would go on living and changing and becoming a different person, while she grew old and died in a world without a home and away from everyone she knew.

He didn't want her to become like him, homeless and without the love of friends and family, because to be him is to be alone. And he didn't want that for her. Because he wanted her to be happy, not just momentarily, but for the rest of her life.

Ten is a man who loathes taking life, and it weighs on him every time someone sacrifices who they are because they love him.

It's no surprise Ten's entire decision about the Meta-Crisis took place after Davros massively guilt-tripped him into thinking it was his fault that all those people died. (It wasn't.) But Davros played on Ten's depression and trauma, manipulating Ten into thinking he had done unforgivable things to the people he loved. (when in fact those people died because they were inspired to be selfless like him, or were killed someplace beyond the Doctor's reach)

I've actually been doing a lot of research on Ten's trauma (including invaluable insight from Judith Lewis Herman's famous book Trauma and Recovery). This journal article about Major Depressive Disorder speaks so deeply to Ten's character, especially post-Time War and post-Davros:

"Guilt promotes altruistic behavior via acting out reparative tendencies, whereas shame reduces altruism by means of increasing social and interpersonal distance."

This explains so much about Ten's choice to sacrifice his own happiness and ask Rose to take his Meta-Crisis as her life partner. He's pushing her away, isolating himself. He's rejecting the people he loves the most because he's in a very, very dark place.

🖤🤍💜 An Asexual (Meta) Reading

There's so many reasons that Ten felt he couldn't give Rose the life she wanted (his trauma, his values). There's one angle I've been sifting around in my head in the past couple years, and it's more of a headcanon than anything: For me, because of the way the Doctor's character has been established since 1963, the Doctor's own asexuality is an almost meta-conceptual reason why the Doctor in general can't have a "normative," family life.

He couldn't say "I love you"—not because he didn't love her. (He loved her more than he ever loved himself.) But also because he knew what saying those words would mean: the expectations, the responsibility, the behaviors he felt she deserved to have from him because those words carry so much weight in human culture. All those things he could not give her.

But the Meta-Crisis could. I personally headcanon that the Meta-Crisis is not asexual like the Doctor. (Just like John Smith may not have been asexual either.) The point of both John Smith and the Meta-Crisis is showing how much they differ from the Doctor—and I think sexuality is one of those differences. It's why it was so easy for John Smith to imagine a traditional life, why it was so easy for the Meta-Crisis to promise his entire world and his entire self to Rose on that beach.

🌹 The Meta-Crisis and Rose Tyler

Which brings me back to the Tentoo himself. He was born in battle and he can die, but what does that exactly mean for his life with Rose? It's fascinating because to imagine the Doctor feeling mortality and knowing he cannot cheat death anymore—that's a horrific, terrifying thing.

There are actually two Big Finish Audios that explore this traumatic realization for the Doctor, and what that does to him. (They're both one-shots from Jackie's POV and narration, and you can listen to them here: Part 1, Part 2).

It makes Tentoo lean into his Ninth-era darkness, a ruthlessness to villains driven by the fear that he cannot protect Rose because he is not indestructible. But luckily for him, there are people he loves around him (Jackie and Rose) who keep him from that darkness.

Additionally, the Big Finish stories lean into the fact that Tentoo and Rose aren't sitting idly by. Both of them work for Torchwood and are growing their own TARDIS to continue to defend the Earth.

They don't settle down into a domestic life, at least not right away, and I think that suits them both. We know how much Rose didn't want the life of eating chips and watching telly. But listen to what RTD's Doctor Who has always tried to say: How deeply important the everyday things are, how much the Doctor, for how amazing they are, craves for a life of simplicity and the stupid little things that define humanity.

Because here's the key: It wasn't the everyday things that bothered Rose. Like she told Mickey in "Parting of the Ways":

ROSE: But what do I do every day, mum? What do I do? Get up, catch the bus, go to work, come back home, eat chips and go to bed? Is that it? MICKEY: It's what the rest of us do. ROSE: But I can't! MICKEY: Why, because you're better than us? ROSE: No, I didn't mean that. But it was. It was a better life. And I don't mean all the travelling and seeing aliens and spaceships and things. That don't matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life. You know he showed you too. That you don't just give up. You don't just let things happen. You make a stand. You say no. You have the guts to do what's right when everyone else just runs away

Rose didn't hate the domestic, everyday life. She hated how life had no meaning.

She hated how people let things happen to them, without challenging anything or standing up for anything. She didn't want to travel as much as she wanted to live, to be something and do something with her life.

And that's the magic of Doctor Who, particularly RTD's era. Because you can be amazing and you can have meaning even without the Doctor, but the Doctor shows you how.

You stand up for what you believe is right and you choose to give meaning to what you do in life. You don't need to travel the stars to do that. You can make choices that give your life meaning right here and now. You can believe in something. You can find meaning in your place in the universe. You can give your enthusiasm and time to something that is important. Meaning and purpose comes from how we see the world, and that change in perspective is what Rose finds with the Doctor.

If Rose is with someone who can fill her life with meaning, who inspires her to see life as a beautiful adventure, then it really doesn't matter what she's doing with them. In The Impossible Planet, Rose was completely willing to settle down with Ten to "find a planet, get a job, live a life, same as the rest of the universe." Why? Because she'd be with him.

ROSE: This lot said they'd give us a lift. DOCTOR: And then what? ROSE: I don't know. Find a planet, get a job, live a life, same as the rest of the universe.

If I imagine Tentoo as a dad, I can't help but imagine him like Tennant himself. Kind, giving, selfless, and loving. I think Tentoo would be so afraid of letting someone hurt his child, because he hasn't had a family in so long, and he isn't the same man he was in those ancient days when, as a completely different man, he had a family.

He's a man still afraid of himself, still keenly aware of the inhuman things he's capable of. I think this fear would drive Rose and him closer together, like it did when he was Nine. But Tentoo is more self-aware now, more willing to grow and change and be different. Because he's the Doctor who was given a second chance, to live the life he thought he'd never have with the person he loves. He wants to be different to make this work.

I also think Tentoo would be the Doctor who passes on his title after he's gone. Not that I like to think about Tentoo dying one day, but let's be real: Where would his TARDIS go? As a half-human, I think Tentoo could imagine Mia taking on the role of Defender of the Earth when he and Rose have passed on. She would have been there to see it grow, and she would have been there when Tentoo and Rose first stepped out into the stars with this brand-new TARDIS. Because of his mortality, I think it would make Tentoo more open to sharing the secret, sacred things of his Gallifreyan people with the family he chose to start. He's not alone anymore, he has someone to share it with, someone who will pass it on after him and keep the world safe in his stead.

Which is all to say, I think it's a gift that Rose has the Meta-Crisis. Because when Ten regenerated and became, as he said, a completely different man, she was able to stay with the person she fell in love with and explore what that life was like, to have him with her for all of her life, and all of his.

[thebluestbluewords]

anti-Valentine’s Valentine’s date

I tried SO HARD to write the adorable Jal prompt that I received for Jalentines day, and instead of cute all my brain wanted to write was angst. Set in approximately D2, it’s a 3k lead-in to a longer Jal fic that I’m probably not going to finish writing.

*

Mal kicks the door of the boy's dorm open with the heel of the stupid, impractical strappy sandals she's been wearing since before dinner. 

Or at least, that's what she tries to do. Instead, because her life is a curse and the very existence of high heels is a prison, the delicate silver heel of the shoe that Evie spent hours sourcing for her snaps off. 

Great. Perfect. This is just how she wanted the night to go. 

Mal pounds on the door with her fist instead. "Open up! I brought misery and disdain for the institution of love!" 

A thump. "And chocolate?" 

"No, I didn't steal any chocolate at all from my date with the king of Auradon," Mal says, as sarcastically as she can manage with one shoe on and the other broken to pieces in her hands. "Just let me in already." 

The door pops open. "You're late." Carlos informs her. "Evie already went back to your room." 

Wonderful. 

"I don't care," Mal informs him right back, and shoves her purse, which is tiny and lilac and stuffed to the brim with all the chocolate she could fit, into his hands. "I need this princess shit off my body yesterday. I am not cut out for valentine's day, that's what I've learned, and also Ben's going to dump me and I don't care."

"Woah. Uh. Maybe you should care--" 

Mal spins around to glare at him, and Carlos immediately throws his hands up. "I MEAN, your judgement is impeccable and we all hate Ben now!" 

Ugh. 

"I don't hate him," Mal snaps, yanking her earrings out and throwing them sort of in the direction of somebody's dresser. There's still enough empty space on the top for her to recognize it as a dresser, so signs point to it belonging to Carlos. "I hate love. And valentine's day. And dating."

"You said you hated froot loops yesterday." Carlos points out. "Because I took the last of them. So like, I'm gonna take this with a spoonful of salt here. Did your date not go well?" 

Mal rips the pins out of her hair with so much force that one of them flies into the mirror. It doesn’t shatter, which is a fucking shame. She would have liked to make an awful mess. "I hate love, and I'm going to die alone surrounded by the bones of my enemies. No, it did not "go well,”” She stops ripping out pins long enough to add air quotes, which are essential to the dramatic effect of it all. "He asked if I love him back, and I told him, again, that I don't know how to love people, and he made this horrible face and was so kind about the whole thing, and just-- ugh!" 

Carlos is hovering. "I’m…sorry?" 

"I'm sorry we ever came here." Mal spits, yanking her other shoe off and throwing it somewhere in the direction of Jay's shoe pile. "I don't-- I can't be a princess. I hate that I just-- I don't know how to do anything, and I hate when people look at me like I'm supposed to know what I'm doing, and there were all these cameras, and--augh!" 

"Jay's in the shower," Carlos offers. "If you want to bother him about it." 

"I want to hit something," Mal admits. It's not a perfect solution, but she's already feeling a little bit less like her skin is on too tight now that she's got her hair loose and wild around her shoulders and her earrings and stupid, uncomfortable, impractical shoes off. "I think-- d'you want to spar with us?" 

"Can't. Homework." Carlos gestures to the textbooks he's got spread out on the neater one of the boys’ beds. "I've got a test tomorrow and if I fail I'll have to retake the class." 

Mal leans over so she can see the textbooks. It looks like history, maybe. Something with a lot of dense text and no visible math problems. "I can't imagine you failing any test, furball." she says, meaning it. How well they thrived on the isle of the lost isn't a perfect gauge for how well they're doing in Auradon, but school is school no matter where they are, and Mal can't remember her little nerd ever failing a test.

 Carlos goes even tenser at her attempt at reassurance. "First time for everything." 

"Still, you failing?" Mal scoffs. "We're in Auradon, not Wonderland. Not everything is upside down and inside out and topsy-turvy. Or whatever Allie’s sayings are.. You'll be fine." 

"I'll be better if I study. Sorry. No sparring for me tonight." 

Ugh. Mal rips another pin out of her hair and throws it towards the mirror with the others. "Suit yourself. I'm going to go bother Jay into letting me beat the shit out of him."

Carlos flashes her a little half smile. "Have fun."

“Oh, I will,” Mal assures him, and spins around to go invade the sanctity of the boy’s showers. 

The short, barefoot walk down the hallway to the boy's bathrooms gives Mal critical time to think about her plan of attack. She's wicked and awful, naturally, but she's also not especially interested in getting shouted at by a teacher for being out of bed and in the boy's showers tonight. She's had enough of being shouted at by adults who think they know better than her. She's not some Auradon girl to be controlled, so she's simply not going to get caught. 

Which means she's going back to the boys room. 

At least she'll remember to grab some different shoes this time. 

"Fuck off, Mal," Carlos calls through the door when she knocks a second time. "You can't steal my shoes." 

"I can steal whatever I want, actually," Mal corrects him, opening the door and barging in, as is her right as their fearless leader. She is Mal of the Isle, and she's not a prize to be won or a princess to be wooed. She's going to steal whatever shoes she likes. "Jay's shoes don't fit me right." 

Carlos throws a pen at her. "Neither do mine, you're just delusional about the size of your own feet. At least take my sneakers if you're going sparring. I hate when we have to dig out the poison kit after hours." 

Mal sticks her tongue out at him. Her shoes are all perfect, and she's also perfectly aware of the size of her feet, which are currently half a shoe size smaller than the one Carlos wears.  As such, their shared approximate size gives her the right to steal his shoes whenever the princess ones she's been dressed in are too much for her to manage, physically or mentally. . "I'm taking the ones with spikes." 

"Are not." 

"Are so," Mal says, diving under the bed to where he keeps all four pairs of his shoes lined up. "I'm going to add more spikes while you're not looking. Poison-tipped ones. Razor-sharp." 

"Use porcupine quills, they're barbed." Carlos says helpfully, making absolutely no motion to get up and defend his shoes.

Mal shoves aside the fallen textbook, grabs the hoodie shoved under the bed for later, and ah. There’s her prize.  Boots (with spikes), dress shoes, cleats (more spikes), and there at the end, sneakers. 

"Fishhooks," Mal suggests. "The giant ones that rip holes when they come out. And I'll dip them in bleach powder so it burns the whole time they're inside." 

Carlos shudders. "Gross." 

"You're gross," Mal rips her dress over her head, and does not wince at the popping noise the shoulder seam makes. Evie can fix it again later, or they can burn it. Whichever. "I'm taking your clothes too."

"Wash the bloodstains out before you put them back." 

Shirt. Pants. Hoodie. Sneakers. 

Ill-gotten disguise on, Mal flashes him a thumbs up on her way back out the door. 

“Hey,” Mal calls out, keeping her voice intentionally low. She’s got the hood of Carlos’s stolen hoodie pulled up over her hair, and she’s relying on the sight of a familiar size-shape-color-scheme to deter anyone from looking too closely at her. Not that there’s many students around the boy’s bathroom at 9pm on Valentine’s night, but still. She’s not exactly looking to get caught. “Jaybird?” 

There’s no noise in the bathroom except for the irregular drip of a shower head that hasn’t been turned off quite hard enough. All the money in the world, and Auradon Prep still doesn’t have showers that actually work how they’re supposed to. 

It’s ridiculous. If Mal were in charge of the school budget she’d be putting all the money into showers. A hot shower and a  fireplace in every dorm, so that none of the students have to feel cold if they don’t want. That’s the budget priorities Mal would have. Warmth, and then food. The dining hall could stand to leave leftovers out longer after meals. 

…princesses don’t think about food. She’s been around Evie long enough to know that one. Princesses are tiny and perfect without even trying. Princesses eat salad and fruit and don’t order fries with anything. Princesses are the sort of people the king is supposed to be dating, and Mal is never, ever going to become that sort of person. 

“Mal?” 

Mal does not jump. She just— startles. Just a little. “Hey.”

There’s a smile playing at the corner of Jay’s mouth. “Hey yourself. I thought you’d be out with Ben still.” 

“You know price charming,” Mal waves a hand. “Had to have me home by midnight or else he was afraid I’d turn into a pumpkin.” 

“It’s nine thirty.” 

“Localized curse. The younger you are, the earlier it thinks you should be home. We picked nine, just to be safe.” 

“You can just say you had a bad date, killer,” Jay says. “I’ll be your alibi. You need a shovel?” 

Mal snorts. “It didn’t go that badly, give me some credit. I just freaked out when he started talking about love. While we were on a date to talk about love.” 

Fuck. 

A lot more of the evening makes sense when she frames it that way. None of the bullshit they’ve found online talks about dating the king of the entire country, but there’s a lot of website with mind-numbing names like psychology today and buzzbees news that make it very clear how important Auradon brats think nonverbal communication is. 

She went on a date. On Valentine’s Day. 

With Ben. 

“…Killer?” 

Focus. 

“Fuck off.” Mal snaps reflexively. “I’m fine. Just. Plotting.” 

Jay dodges around her for a pile of fabric, which reveals itself to be his Auradon-blue team hoodie. “You wanna plot somewhere a little better?” 

“What I want is to go home, but I’m not going to get that,” Mal says thoughtfully. “I was going to ask you to spar with me, but if you’ve got any better ideas I’m open to hearing them.” 

“Breaking and entering.” Jay says immediately. “We should blow this place. There’s that all-ages club in town—”

“If I have to touch another human being I’m going to scream.” 

Jay touches her arm deliberately, a sustained pressure that doesn’t even read as touch, just comfort. Mal drinks it in like he’s pouring the comfort directly onto all the jagged, awful pieces of her soul. “I’m not a human being?” 

“Shut up. You’re mine, it’s different.” 

“You’re mine, then.” 

There’s a piece of her heart that fits perfectly again the broken edges of his. Mal couldn’t let go of Jay if she tried, not for anything in the world. Not for her mother breathing fire at them, not for Fairy Godmother insisting that it’ll be good for them to make other friends, and not for a stupid holiday that says she’s only supposed to be tied to one person, and not even the one holding on to her right now. 

“Sure.” Mal agrees, because she can’t put words to the enormity of feelings she’s experiencing. Villains don’t have feelings, but she’s reformed now, and it’s harder to describe the feelings with words than it is to have them. “We can sneak out, see what trouble we can find.” 

“You’re all the trouble I need, killer.” Jay says, too honest. “I’ll take you out of here whenever you need. Wherever you want.” 

“Sap.” 

“Princess.” 

“Do I look like a princess to you?” Mal leans back to gesture at herself. The sweatshirt she stole isn’t Auradon-blue like Jay’s. It’s an old one, ratty in the way that all their old isle stuff is, and nearly transparent at the elbows. The seams are held together with Evie’s neat machine stitching, but the thread is three different shades of red and grey all mashed together, and there’s a hole in the edge of the hood that’s exposing the soft inside of it. Her sneakers are a size too big, and laced tight to compensate. Her hair is still a mess from the violent undoing that she’d subjected it to, and she can’t be bothered to try and tame it, not when her chest is bursting with feelings that don’t have any place to go except for out of her body, in tears or screams or whatever violence she’s able to inflict that will drive the awful right feeling out. 

“The prettiest princess in all the land,” Jay says, and jumps back before the words are even out of his mouth, out of the range of Mal’s swipe. “C’mon, killer. You’re the fiercest baby dragon I know. Come out with me. We can find trouble somewhere better than this.” 

"You're trouble already," Mal grumbles, but there's no bite to the words. She wants, wholly and completely, to be somewhere else. "The gates are locked for the night, you know." 

"No problem. Besides, you can just say you're on an important errand for the king and get through all the school security." 

"I could," Mal agrees. It's not like she's afraid of a little misplaced power when she can wield it. "But it's more fun to sneak out." 

Jay's grin is a bright flash in the darkness. "Hey, I've got a stupid idea." 

Mal grunts. "Shoot." 

"I could toss you over the fence." 

"The twenty foot fence." 

Jay shrugs. "It's more like twelve feet. At least according to the build specs." 

"Which you came across..." 

"Totally legally. They're in the library, if you know where to look for 'em." 

"You're impossible," Mal sighs. "Okay, once you toss me how are we getting you over?" 

"I'll jump." 

Over the twelve foot fence. "Sure, and when you break your leg falling back down?" 

"You'll magic me back together again. Humpty-dumpty this shit." 

"I don't think you actually know that rhyme."

"I know your rhymes," Jay shoots back. "You've got magic for levitation in the spellbook, yeah?" 

"I don't have the spellbook with me, wise guy." Mal points out. "I'm not even wearing my own shoes right now, what makes you think I memorized magic that'll get us over the fence?" 

Jay's eyes are too bright. She's going to have to use a spell just to hide him, and the magic will burn her out, and they'll get stuck on the wrong side of the fence, and-- that's what she would think, if she were Jane, or someone will less awesome magic powers. She's Mal of the Isle, and she's got this shit under control. 

"Dragon magic," Jay says cheerfully, like it's not late and they're not doing something totally against all of the rules they're supposed to be learning by sneaking out to the city. "I trust you, killer." 

"I could kill you," Mal grumbles, but she raises her hands and lets the magic gather there, blue-green sparks catching on her fingertips as she pulls the spell out from her mind. "Make this boy as light as air, hop the fence without a care." 

The magic falls over Jay in a net of shimmering sparks. They absorb in after a second, but the look suits him. Mal spares a thought for her sketchbook, which is tucked away in her locker with the rest of the books she hasn't had the time to touch in weeks, and the drawing her fingers are itching to make. "You can hop it now. You'll be light enough to jump over the fence with a regular leap." 

"Sweet!" Jay turns and drops to a knee. "Hop on." 

"Piggyback? Seriously?" 

"No better way to hop it together. Unless you'd rather I throw you over."

It's dangerous, and not just physically. Mal's been doing a pretty fucking good job at squashing down the feelings she's not supposed to have for her best friends, but this... 

She's emotionally illiterate, but Jay's offer to take her out tonight is like a picture book. Or one of those furniture instructions that doesn't even have language, just pictures to follow. 

He cares about you, Mal's traitorous brain whispers. More than your boyfriend does. 

Ugh. 

"Don't do anything stupid," Mal says, even as she's the one climbing on. "The spell should be good for a few leaps, but--" 

"Can't hear you, too busy blowing this place!" Jay grunts, pushing them both upright. "Let's fuckin' go--" 

"Don't--" 

"Hup!" 

Well. At least they're on the other side of the fence now, even if they crashed directly into the school holly bush on the landing. 

"Oww," Jay groans. "Might need a little more practice on that spell. I think there's something wrong with your magic assist on the landing." 

Mal yanks a leaf out of her arm. "There is no magic assist, dumbass. I tried to tell you, but somebody decided to go full steam ahead without listening to my warning. We're over now, and that's what matters." 

Jay mumbles something unintelligible. She can only assume it's rude, given the circumstances. Ugh, holly leaves are not the hot new accessory of the season, not even when they're doing a levitation act and sticking with a single thorn into her nose.

 "Speak up or shut up, jaybird." 

"I said--" It's impossible to tell in the darkness, but it looks like he might be blushing. The school grounds are supposed to have automatic lights, but a little wire cutting took care of that for them, and they're sneaking out under cover of darkness tonight. Mal's good at knowing her crew, but she can't be sure. "I, uh, you're important. To me." 

"Don't get mushy on me." 

"I'd never. Just. We're sneaking out together, and I wanted you to know, I'd never commit crimes and misdemeanors with anyone else." 

"Liar." 

Jay flashes her a smile, but he's doing the thing where he's got a hand tangled up in his hair, and it makes him look heart-wrenchingly sincere. "Yeah, but not to you." 

Oh, gods. "Don't go having feelings on me," Mal says, swallowing down the wobble that wants to creep into her voice. "I can't handle it. Not tonight, please." 

Just like that, Jay's posture melts into something different. Not quite his usual confidence, but something closer to normal. "Sure. No feelings. I can do that." 

"I don't--" Mal scrubs a hand over her eyes. "I didn't mean that you can't have feelings, just. I can't be the one to handle them tonight. I'll do whatever you want tomorrow, just-- can we just go be somewhere else tonight? I can't handle all this lovey stuff." 

Jay's shoulders melt even further. Mal can't look him in the eye, she can't, she won't-- 

He's smiling. His hand is so, so warm in hers. "Killer." 

"I'm sorry." 

He shrugs. "Whatever. You're allowed to have a bad night. I'll take you out, we can forget this ever happened tomorrow. Easy." 

"You should have someone better," Mal cries, and the horrible realization that she's crying sets in. "I don't want feelings for you!" 

"shit," Jay whispers, so quietly that Mal is sure she wasn't supposed to hear it at all. "Dragon, we don't have to do feelings like the Auradon brats. You can just be mine, and I can be yours, and we don't have to do any of the mushy shit that's freaking you out. We can just run away." 

"Together." 

"Yeah. Unless you spelled somebody else over the fence while I was distracted." 

Mal wipes the sleeve of her stolen hoodie across her nose. "Ugh, no. I don't use magic for just anybody." 

"See, there you go. I'm honored to be worthy of your magic, your royal evil-ness." 

“Fuck off,” Mal groans, and then before she can lose her nerve she steps close enough to cup his face in her hands. There’s no magic this time, but Jay’s skin is hot and soft under her palms, and it feels like there should be magic between them. “I’m the worst girlfriend in the world, so I won’t ever put you through that. I’m selfish, and I’m flaky, and I can’t say that I love you, and I can’t ever promise that I’ll be able to say it.” 

Jay’s face is a thundercloud. “Did Ben say you needed to say it back?” 

“No, but— Ben’s not here right now. That’s the point. He’s not the person I run to when everything in the world is too much for me to handle. Ben’s sweet and all, but he’s not who I want to be with when I’m upset. Can you imagine what he’d say if I suggested running away from the grounds?” 

“What ho good chap, let me summon a car to escort you from the venerable grounds of our fine institution,” Jay picks up her thread, mocking. “And yeah, I guess when you put it that way, it’s pretty silly to think about Ben taking care of you.” 

Mal sucks in a breath. “Exactly. He’s sweet, but I don’t know how to deal with sweet, and it feels like the pressure of it is killing me. You know how to push back when I’m being a monster, and I don’t know how to fit that into one of the relationship boxes I’m supposed to use here.” 

Jay tips his head into her hands. “We could make our own box.” 

“We could.” 

“I wouldn’t ask you to be my girlfriend.” 

Mal leans in. “I know,” she tells the space between Jay’s parted lips. “I know.” 

[stemmmm]

FoM entering fall thoughts

i have completely run out of mines content, as indicated by the ghostie at the end of each section saying "go away, there isnt stuff here anymore". which is a shame because i was really just starting to get into it. it seemed like intrigue was just starting to happen. there's also a shitload of mines levels for content to be running out now... there's so many locked off areas like the stairs on the far left of the map and the woods(?) on the far right, plus a bunch of spots that look like caved in doorways. i kinda figured a bunch of that would be like. rune factory style alternate dungeons. i had no reason to expect that, this game just gives me a lot of RF vibes.

other progression so far is still going. i just unlocked new types of animals so we'll see if i get another letter about community improvements or not. i'm also still going up in town ranks, though that's majorly slowed down due to my not really doing quests. they're all for random mines artifacts! i cant be bothered! not when i have no other reason to be in the mines!

I have instead dedicated myself to breeding animals. i bought a bunch of small barns and coops just in time to unlock the medium sized ones. oops. so i need to figure out how i want to replace everything, but before i do that I need to figure out exactly how i want to go about breeding for special colors bc. well. i would prefer not to do incests with my animals but that will be very tedious and expensive. and im sure the game isn't concerned about that because it wasnt even concerned with the fact that cows dont drop loose glass bottles of milk all on their own. just one more reason why i prefer when games only have female animals and you use "miracle potions" or w/e (other reason being male animals don't give produce). BUT I ALSO LIKE HAVING THE MALE ANIMALS SO... augh. so far i have been avoiding the incests but im also never going to get a spreadsheet going about it because it truly doesn't matter beside my own comfort. the reason why im engaging with this mechanic at all is... well firstly because i dont have much to do in the game anymore, but mostly because i havent seen anything like this in any game other than HM GBC3 so it's kind of a big deal.

i've also learned (accidentally) that animals will eat your crops and it makes them soooooo so happy. which is what i wanted to do in my own game so these guys are actually intellectual thieves but let's ignore this. so now i have a use for all those crops i stopped growing because i didn't need money anymore. just in time to actually kind of need that money because the season changed and i couldn't afford many new crops oops. so now i've got 3 rows of a barn and coop each, all with a line of crops growing in front of them. and it's kind of a fucking horrible mess that i'll need to clean up somehow, but its hard to do when new grasses and debris are constantly spawning everywhere and making a mess that gets in my way.

IN OTHER NEWS i finally hit 2 hearts with a few characters through semi-regular casual conversation and i am proud to report that this game! is horny. by which i mean the writers are clearly interested enough in their characters to write them in a way that makes them unique and endearing. and i also mean that juniper makes you her weird kinky slave no matter what and you don't have a choice. it's very sad that girlie is not remotely my type because she has SOOOOO much going for her. but the cowards also didnt make march a butch woman so SHRUG!

right now i've got the feeling that the game is finally giving me just enough to be interested in its plot and its characters, so i'm triply expecting the rug to get pulled by early access. i have been pleasantly surprised by just how much is here so far though! once again, not the kind of farming game i want to see but a good game regardless!

[notafunkiller]

I Guess It Can Wait

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Jennifer Walters

Fandoms: Daredevil, She-Hulk Attorney At Law

Summary: Foggy and Karen come over at the wrong time and almost catch Matt and Jen in a compromising position.

Warnings: Language and sex (a little)

Links: AO3

“What was that?” Jen asks, breaking the kiss, but Matt doesn’t answer. He just keeps thrusting.

He clearly should have taken the key from Foggy when Jen moved in, but he forgot. Like a fool.

“Where is he?” They hear Karen, and Jen opens her eyes. Both are here… about to catch them.

“Matt! Matt?” Foggy’s voice is so close to the bathroom that it makes her gasp. If Foggy saw them like this, she would die out of shame. It’s like a family member catching you… You don’t ever, ever want that to happen. Matt senses Jen’s panic and starts kissing her neck.

Is he insane?

“Matt, f-fuck, stop.”

“No chance in hell. Now…”  He grabs her hips properly so he can move them —while he’s still inside her— closer to the wall corner.

“Matt, please, they-”

He doesn’t listen, instead, he brings his left hand to her neck, squeezing it a bit, and she has to bite her cheeks not to cry out loud. 

Matt can vaguely hear Karen in the kitchen, texting someone as Foggy finally comes to the bathroom.

“Need you to be silent a bit for me, sweetheart, that’s all. Can you do that for me?” His whispery voice is so soothing, so assuring. He was not even a little affected by this intrusion and she can’t believe it.

“Matt!” Foggy knocks twice and Matt smiles, starting to lightly slowly into her again, not making too much noise, but still, Jen looks at him as if he’s crazy. Maybe he is… and maybe I am too.

“I'm in here, Fog. What's up?”

How can you sound so calm? What the fuck is wrong with you?

“We have news…” Foggy answers excitedly and then tries to explain Fisk’s new strategy, but neither Matt nor Jen actually pays attention to him.

Jen has to bite both of her hands not to cry out loud because Matt is an asshole and decides to lick her breasts like the crazy man he is.

One whimper escapes her though and that is enough for Foggy to freeze and stop talking. Matt realizes and stops thrusting too, a little amused, a little ‘guilty’. And when Foggy looks around he notices a blouse. A woman’s blouse on the floor of Matt’s bedroom…

“Oh, Jesus, no.” He whispers under his breath and Matt giggles.

“Why did he stop talking? Did he…?”

Matt touches her forehead with his. “I don’t know,” he lies.

“You know what, Karen? I think we can wait for one more hour to tell him. Let's go.”

“What? Why?” They hear Karen asking closer to the bathroom now.

“He’s… uhm, busy.”

Jen gasps. “Nooo.”

“We can wait for him to come out-”

“No, Karen, we can’t. See you at the office, Matt.” He grabs her arm gently and leads her to the entrance. “See you, Jen.” He adds before closing the door and leaving them alone again. Matt can hear Karen asking what he meant by Jen, but he stops paying attention to his friends.

“He knows.”

“They both know, yep.”

Jen is not ashamed, she is mortified meanwhile all her boyfriend can do is stay semi-still inside her and try not to laugh to annoy her more.

“You’re an ass.” She slaps his shoulder.

“Why am I an ass?”

“I don’t know, maybe because your friends were here and you decided to keep fucking me?! You heard them coming.”

“Yeah, I did. So?” He doesn’t even feel a little bit sorry.

Catholic boy my ass…

“So?!”

“Yeah: so? I’m fucking my amazing girlfriend in my house.” His lips are so close to hers as he talks, making it hard for her to focus on her ‘anger’. He knows what he does. His echolocation thing is not fair! “It’s their fault for barging in. I will so take my key back.”

“Augh, I hate you.” She rolls her eyes, making him smile. “What does that mean?”

“What?”

“This smirk. This attitude…” Jen sighs. “How am I supposed to look into Foggy’s eyes again?”

“We can talk about my attitude and Foggy later, don’t you think so, sweetheart? We are in the middle of something.” His right-hand finds its way to her clit, only touching it lightly, waiting for her approval.

“Yeah.” He feels her starting to relax. “I guess it can wait.”

[goron-king-darunia]

DotNW Draw-a-thon Recap

Links to individual posts and the associated art at the end. But first, some thoughts.

Want to start by saying this was an excellent and very fun event and even though the English fandom is very small, it was fun to participate. I will be adding on more monsters into the sketchbook to fill it up, but probably not at the rate I've been drawing this month. I would like to someday make the complete monsterbook, including the descriptions from the game, organized in groups based on evolution, but that's a big and very casual project for the future. No promises. It's just a shame that such a resource doesn't already exist. There are videos on youtube that let you look at the monsters in a players completed monster book, but none of them go for the little descriptions and all of the videos are ancient potato-quality rips or just straight up filmed from a monitor rather than screen-capped. It's just not the same as big fancy drawings. But also I will never not be salty that you cannot rotate the monsters in the monster book. I wanna see what these guys look like! SOMEBODY PUT EFFORT INTO DESIGNING THEM, LET ME SEE THEM! AUGH!

Skills I learned from this draw a thon:

People are hard to draw. But the Loomis method for heads simplifies a lot of facial anatomy with easy proportions to remember and landmark guidelines that are more than just "draw sphere, draw a cross on that sphere, put your eyes on that cross and manifest a jaw from the ether, slap hair on that and place ears somewhere. You're on your own for the mouth and hairline. Did you do it?" The Loomis method, at least the videos I found, very gently explained where all the lines go and what they're for. Rocky start but I think I'm getting a handle on it? Not an expert, clearly, but I'm getting better.

People are hard. Hands are harder. And yet if I have a reference of exactly what gesture I want to draw, I can do it? Which is very strange. Hand construction still eludes me, so I will be practicing that, along with feet because those are also hard, but I'm actually somehow way better now at just... taking a pic of my hand on the selfie cam on my phone and just... "Okay, yeah, that's what the fingers look like. Makes sense. Let me just slap down the contours for a rough idea of the const-- Oh, nevermind. I just made the hand perfectly the first time..." So yeah, any of the good hands you see are either me looking at my own hand and drawing it directly, me looking at a reference and drawing it directly, or, especially on the monsters, me being incredibly lucky every single time. All the bad hands? Construction or agonizing over trying to utilize indirect reference.

Monsters are easy except when they aren't. Aside from a few small proportion issues that can be easily remedied during the digital inking and coloring phase, I think basically every monster is either exactly what I wanted or pretty damn close. You can see with the Polwigles from 2011 that I was not having a good time trying to construct them. Like, they're spheres, but not really? But they're not hemispheres, and definitely not a hemisphere stacked on a sphere, even though that's the closest approximation. I struggled forever trying to get the body shapes right. And then literally after like, 2 or 3 attempts not shown here on various other projects over the years, I am suddenly the expert with Polwigles? Basically every single doodle I am happy with when it comes to the wigles. They are very inconsistent design-wise between the game and the manga, and since their mouths in the game open almost all the way around during damage animations... I am opting to lean on the design sensibilities of Onshuu no Richter. Still, basically every Polwigle is constructed without reference. So I guess, somehow, after 13 years, I understand the shapes? I dunno how it happened but it did?

I think most of my troubles with the monsters boil down to one of 2 problems: Not being good at construction, that is, constructing unique poses from indirect references to make an educated guess about how a thing would look like from a different angle if we were to rotate or tweak its fundamental shapes in 3 dimensional space. And then not being able to FUCKING SEE THE MONSTERS. JUST LET ME LOOK AT THEM. There are lots of Polwigles from different angles in the manga, so if I NEEDED to use a direct reference, I could. But for the rest of these guys you basically only get the standard 3/4 facing to the left pose from the monster book and if you can even get a clear frame to look at, there's very little dynamism in the pose. The Lailah for example. I wanted to having it point a blade toward the viewer. But the blade is a complicated shape. I am poor with construction so the best I could do is imagine it as a rectangle and sort of carve the contours out of it to the best of my ability to try to get that foreshortened. Because I have no way to study the shape from other angles besides the ones shown directly in the monster book.

The rest of my problems are me standing in my own way. I did try to practice a lot of new skills. Combining references, taking risks, drawing for fun and not just drawing for a final product. And all of them were helpful to a degree. But I think part of the reason my art doesn't turn out well is because I see failing even 2% of the time as being "too much failure." I see anything less than 100% as "not good enough" so I get discouraged and stop trying. Which makes it impossible to learn and grow and also isn't a healthy way to look at art, because even the pros who do this for a living will have pieces that they tear up or don't post because they just... didn't turn out good. To be at a point in my artistic journey where I can even say I like more than half the pieces I did for this draw a thon? That's above average. That's what success looks like for most people.

I think it's the rejection sensitive dysphoria of ADHD. Because I spent so much of my early life either succeeding at everything right away (usually with help and preparation from adults like my mom) and academic "giftedness" I started seeing "success" or "good end products" as things I could reach with little effort. Especially because any time I DID run up against a roadblock or a challenge, I could usually fix it by powering through. Like, if I just did the thing a little harder, I could do it. Which is why whenever I did run up against real challenges, things that needed muscle memory, for example, like riding a bicycle or those Heelie shoes or those waveboards (My obsession with 2 wheeled modes of transportation era was fraught for real) I would have MELTDOWNS because I couldn't just get on a two wheeler bike and go without even learning or trying. Especially because if I saw peers who could do those things "right away" my assumption was always "They're just better than me, I just suck at this thing." and never "they had help learning that I didn't get" or even "different people have different learning curves for the same skills and comparing yourself is a futile exercise."

My assumption was never "that peer spent 3 hours a day for a week falling on their ass just to learn to ride their bike for 3 minutes and then those three minutes eventually became 3 hours and then indefinitely because they finally got the hang of it." My assumption was always "I suck. So if I can't get it in five minutes like they probably did, then I must not be any good and I should give up." Because 5 minutes of really intense effort used to be the magic ingredient to fix the roadblock for other tasks. So I never had reason to assume it wasn't the solution to EVERYTHING.

So I built up this mindset for myself that if I just press harder, I can fix it, and if that doesn't fix it, I can never fix it. And that's been a stumbling block for everything in my life, basically. I brute-forced my way to getting good at basically anything that I'm currently good at. And I'm having to unlearn that. Because growth isn't something you can brute force.

And growth is ALSO not something you can get without failure and risk. Because the other unhealthy mindset I built by brute-forcing my way to success was that I became unfamiliar with failure. Failure was a temporary state of self. My failures were always either easily written off as failure on someone else's part (It's not that I didn't do my homework correctly, it's that the teacher couldn't read it! That's her fault not mine! [incorrect buzzer noise from future me. There are some assignments that I still think this about but, like, no actually young me, a lot of those were actually a you problem and not a teacher problem {The ones that were teacher problems make me livid to this day, but that's another post entirely}]) or they were VERY temporary. "You got this problem incorrect." "Let me look at it again. Okay, I immediately see what I did wrong, I can fix it." "That's correct." "Easy. I just needed to work a little harder." While ADHD, being shuttled ahead through the gifted program, and with how the USAmerican education system treats failure not as a growth opportunity but as a moral failing are certainly contributing factors, I can say with certainty that a lot of the bad mindset surrounding this hurdle for me was also just my lack of drive to try things that were difficult. Why waste time on things that are difficult if there's already so much I can already do that's so easy!?

Then add the cherry on top of the culture we have around failure where it's shameful to ever admit you failed before unless you can turn it into this big inspirational story of how you "learned instantly from that one bad experience and never failed again!" Easy cocktail for an absolute clusterfuck of imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and control freak behavior on my part.

I am having to systematically reprogram my brain. Failure is a part of life. Just because you don't see other people sharing their failures, publicly, online, all the time, doesn't mean that it's not happening.

Watching Scott Christian Sava's content on Youtube has been doing a lot to help me rewire my brain. Failing is part of the process. And I need to learn to be comfortable with it.

And I think I'll have to keep relearning the lesson a few more times before I get it. Because every time I start to internalize it, I backslide and relapse and get back in that old brain-space of "that doesn't apply to me. Everything I do should be easy because that's how it's always been, and if it's not easy the first time, it's because I personally suck and not because I'm growing."

But, little by little, I'm getting better and better. I am catching up to what I used to be in 2011. And in some ways I am getting even better than I was. 10 years of art atrophy isn't great. But climbing back to the summits I've seen before and realizing that a 10 year backslide doesn't mean a 10 year climb is refreshing. I'm still not where I want to be. But I'm discovering more things I like about drawing, more things I want to contribute to my own style, more things I want to polish up on, more things I'm excited to learn.

I've started of thinking of hair as ribbons which is helping me construct more interesting hair in my art, for example. That's new. And fun. Hair is starting to be a less scary thing. I'm incorprorating more natural lip shapes but still leaning into the anime-esque simplifications and exaggerations of expression. I'm getting ever so slightly better at the shape of the palm of the hand. Fingers are still insane foreign objects to me, but I am learning.

I've developed much better line control. And learning to fail means learning that sometimes your lines won't be perfect. But I have also noticed that I'm able, more often than not, to make the strokes I want on the first try when I finalize a drawing.

I'm still messy with my sketches, which does need some work, but I'm getting better at picking the correct shapes out without agonizing over the line stage anymore.

I'm at the point where a lot of the art books I bought in my youth that were so far beyond my skills at the time are actually... full of manageable if not nearly useless advice for me now. I am growing. And while a part of me will always be dissatisfied that I'm growing so slowly, I am still happy that I'm growing.

Thanks again to everyone who participated! I loved seeing the art! I hope to get more DotNW fanfic up soon, too!

And finally, here's the links to the original posts with their original thoughts and captions.

Day 1: Brute Lualdi

Day 2: Assorted Gels

Day 3: Blast From the Past: Aqua and Polwigle sketches from 2011 and Polwigle doodles from July 3 2024

Day 4: Marta Lualdi

Day 5: Assorted Plant Monsters

Day 6: Rilena Malory

Days 7-9: More Plant Monsters

Days 10-12: Decus and Even More Plant Monsters

Days 13-15: Alice, Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and STILL MORE PLANT MONSTERS

Days 16-24: Aqua, Tenebrae, the last of the Plant Monsters, and some Beast monsters

Days 25-31: A couple attempts at Richter Abend, More Polwigles (specifically Pontus from Onshuu no Richter), Emil Castagnier, Aster Laker, Ratatosk, and some more beast monsters

[simpotat]

OC x canon brainrot speaking... beware

So Malaise is only supposed to show up later after IO2's events BUT now I'm thinking of what if she'd appeared at the same time as the rest of the new emotions in the movie... she could've easily had a role in Ri.ley's first meeting with V.al, or when the coach punished her; there's plenty of room for discomfort in the events of the story, right?

And she would've been on the same page as Embarrassment in that she eventually realized Anxiety was doing more harm than good. And when she's uncomfortable she's vocal about it, so she would've brought her observations up as soon as she'd sorted them out. That the poor kid hasn't been sleeping, that she's pretty sure none of them are supposed to be at the control panel this much, that Ri.ley's missing crucial emotions and it shows, and besides she worries they're pushing her too hard, she could get sick, or injured- and Anxiety being the dictator she was would likely threaten her. That she's the one who knows best, and if May didn't like how she was running things she wouldn't think twice about locking her up like the others. "For Ri.ley's sake" of course. And that would scare Malaise into submission, or at least keeping her mouth shut until the canon intervention.

And that would create such a... messy air between the two of them too, after the fact. Compared to my original plans of introducing Malaise later on, blissfully unaware of Anxiety's war crimes and getting attached to her near instantly. Because if Anxiety did say that to her she'd feel so, so bad once she's back to her senses. It's not nearly as awful as was putting the OGs in prison and then having the mind police hunt them, or, y'know, rewriting some poor girl's entire personality and pushing her to a panic episode.

But Malaise is always a bit lost. A little slower. She doesn't always know what's wrong, but she feels it, acutely. All she can do is bring it to people's attention, trusting them to help make it make sense and find the solution. And up until then, she'd trusted Anxiety. She tried to warn her and mitigate the harm while still on her side, and in response she didn't just betray her by threatening to get rid of her too, but made her question her judgement. Made her retreat and say "oh". "I guess I really don't know better". "I guess I have to let someone else do the thinking". "I guess I am stupid". Coupled with the fact that she's a sort of relatively useless nuisance of an emotion to begin with that tends to peeve people just by functioning- AUGH the drama.

In my original script for them Anxiety already had a lot of shame and self-consciousness due to her past, precisely because Malaise hadn't been around to experience it and thus had no idea how bad she could get, what she'd be getting herself into if she decided she wanted to date Anxiety, but in this version Malaise had seen her at her worst and she had been hurt by her in the process and that's a whole different kind of guilt entirely. In short I am going crazy over the lesbians thank you very much for attending my TED talk-

[chaoskid-deer]

😅, 🏆, 💔 answer me, ps5

I'm still haunting you I see :)

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

Ahhhh I feel like you already know the answer to this one. I am super proud of this fic, because I think it had strong, clear themes, great prose, and as with all my fics it's a testament to my hard work and ability to finish something. HOWEVER, I was fighting off the shame demons to post Tell Me About A Complicated Man, and as much as I want to show it to everyone and ask them what they think I am also very embarassed to show it.

I feel like it has a lot of darker themes than my usual work, so I feel like I gotta attach a warning whenever I'm showing it to people. Frankenstien x his monster isn't that crazy a ship within the fandom, but I also feel like I can understand some sidelong looks over it. What can I say, I like seeing characters psychosexually torture each other.

Also, it's porn, and I've never written it before, and I feel like it says a little TOO MUCH about things I find hot

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

AUGH THIS IS ALSO KIND OF WILD. It's a Buzzfeed Unsolved fanfiction I wrote when I was 16 that has almost 2k kudos and was at one point both one of the longest bfu fics and on the first page of bfu fanfic sorted by kudos. I am super proud of it because it is the first long piece of fiction I've ever finished, and it's novel length, which is a crazy achievement. I think the plot was moving and I really found my stride as a writer. I got fanart for it that I really cherish, and some really kind, moving comments. It was my first time I've really felt a part of a fandom community and I found it to be a really motivating, positive experience.

That being said, I now have some more complicated feelings about RPF, and while I don't regret writing it or begrudge anyone else for writing it, I don't think I'd write RPF again. Also, there are some bits of it, especially in the beginning, that I would rewrite or cut completely. The start is kind of silly and meandering at times. I was posting chapters before the whole thing had finished, which is I think what pushed me to finish it, but also meant that I couldn't go back and tighten up the whole work as a whole. Once it was posted, that was it! I couldn't change it! Now I like to finish the whole work before I post a chapter, because I often only find out what a fic is actually about halfway through writing it.

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

Nope! I am an evil fanfic writer and hurting characters brings me nothing but glee. There's a major character death fic involving one of my clone ocs that I look forward to writing with a dreamy smile on my face. Live in fear.

[dreamingangelwolf]

Hello tumblr, I am not dead yet *fist pump*

Finally answering one of two tagging things from @aranict - this is long overdue, to say the least…!

3 Ships:

1. Dabi/Hawks from My Hero Academia. Literally one interaction was all it took for me to go ‘oh god I ship it’ and, damn, I ship it hard. It may not be canon, but the potential for it is unreal - the snark, the parallels, the tension, the drama, that delicious enemies-to-lovers foundation, yesssss. Helps that each of them has a very attractive voice to me, too, haha X) This latest season is going to hurt me, I can tell…

2. Rowan Whitethorn/Aelin Galathynius from the Throne of Glass series. As much as I wanted these two to be much more of a slow burn than they actually were, I can forgive that when they work so well together as a couple. Crying shame also that we never got to see them literally fighting side by side, but we got “To whatever end” instead and y’know what? Iconic.

3. Zack Fair/Aerith Gainsborough from Final Fantasy VII. I have loved these two for nigh on 15 years now. I found FFVII because of them. I love the innocence of their fledgling relationship, I love the tragedy that it fell victim to, but mostly I adore how happy they made each other, and how complimentary their personalities were. (I have just reached Gongaga in Rebirth too and when I say I spent 50% of this part of the game clutching my chest over my heart - augh. The Feels.)

First Ship: Had to stretch my memory back a bit, but I’m pretty sure it would have been Lenne and Shuyin from Final Fantasy X-2. That was my first ever FF game (criminal, I know, but fight me) and their story grabbed my 14-year-old heartstrings like nothing else at the time. In retrospect, it might have been the tragedy of it again, and that was probably the first tragic romance that really resonated with me? Admittedly, ‘1,000 Words’ probably helped with that, heh (still love that song).

Last Song: ‘Choke’ by The Warning, whom I discovered in the last few days and damn. Talk about fresh talent. There are very few bands for me where I prefer the live version of a song to the recorded one but these girls are breaking all my expectations. Will also recommend ‘Hell You Call A Dream’, which is the song I was recommended and that got me hooked!

Last Movie: The Crow (1994), which my local cinema put on now that trailers of the remake with Bill Skarsgård are making the rounds. To my friends’ exasperation, it was a bit lost on me. I like the concept and the basis of the story, but I didn’t quite dig the goth-ness of it (eternal apologies, Brandon Lee - it’s no slight on you, I promise). I can appreciate it as a cult classic, and for its importance at the time, but personally it wasn’t what I want from a film nowadays. Can I still call myself a 90s kid

Currently Reading: House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas. I’m about 1/3 the way through, off the top of my head, and while it’s not gripping me like ToG (or even, dare I say it, ACOTAR) did, I’m liking it so far. It has, however, spurned a SJM Bingo Card between me and my two friends (who have also read the entirety of SJM’s books and are cheerleading my foray into Crescent City), which is proving to be highly amusing X)

Currently Craving: udon noodles in some kind of broth. Preferably a light, beefy one. Sick as I currently am, I just want the warm, thick, soft noodly goodness as a source of comfort and a way to flush out my sinuses. I curse my lack of takeaway options and my inability to cook one of my favourite foods for myself.

Okay I’m not tagging anyone else because I’m running on my last few brain cells and still need to get myself to bed, so I’ll wrap up with a thanks to aranict for the tag and a promise to get to the next one soon!

[brown-little-robin]

Writers Truth & Dare asks:

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

hi thank you!! nice questions!

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I consistently adore fics where people who are bad at being functional human beings but (critically) just good enough at functioning that they fly under the radar for a while—have to learn what "living" and even "thriving" look like. Preferably with messy breakdowns and even messier rebuilding processes. Who would write it best? AUGH, I have multiple favorite authors and can't honestly choose just one, BUT. @phantomrose96 is doing like. THE absolute exemplary job of a longfic with a core theme of healing, to me, in A Breach of Trust. (if you're seeing this, sorry for tagging you in a post that's mostly about me. I talk about ABoT regularly and I thought I'd tag you this time. ok love your work bye)

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

I'm on spring break!! I get to be with my family for five days!

Slowly but surely, I'm learning Japanese, and it's giving me SO much enrichment you have no idea. not only does it make anime and manga way more interesting, it's also just...... such a complex language and culture to try to immerse myself in. I could work on this for a lifetime and never master it. what a gift.

I'm in a creative writing: worldbuilding class and it's fabulous. I get to make powerpoints about the bureaucracy of portal spirit travel as homework. incredible

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Hmmmmm, that's hard...... the most esoteric might be the symbolic meanings of different colors and patterns of koi! Black represents fatherhood + masculinity and red represents motherhood + femininity, in case you were wondering :}

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ohhhhhhhh man ok I must preface this with: I love all of them. But for me, in terms of sheer "yay!!" emotions, it's a three-way tie between:

incoherent screaming and/or emojis

intellectual/thematic analysis of one or more specific moments from the chapter

and the rare but extraordinarily powerful "hey your fic made me go get diagnosed with something so uhhhhh thanks I guess"

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

well. not to get too personal, but—I've been trying to be nicer to myself by not making every day into a "failure" versus "success" scenario. It's a stupid long, hard process to unlearn that, because that was a coping mechanism that got me through a lot of teenage and young adult years, but I'm working on it. and it feels better, if less clear-cut, to do things out of love or joy or even logic than out of.... the kind of desperate, shameful... survival mentality, of thinking every day HAS to be categorized into a success or a failure.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

I never do these games but for you, Rebekah, I'll do it. here goes.

ok I've written on my current wip but I'm not comfortable sharing because the writing is Not Settled Enough Yet. so you'll just have to trust me <3

Still taking asks from this list! but if I get another rollerblades I make no promises lol

[leatherbookmark]

chinhands

i’m not quite sure if i would say that jyl loves wwx more than she loves jc. she does look at wwx as she’s dying, which can’t be said for jc, but like... wwx is the runaway problematic kid, wwx is the one she hasn’t seen for months, wwx is the one who’s responsible for her dying. i feel it’s a bit like the reason why jfm gives more attention to wwx than to jc, aside from the fact that jc is yzy’s son and reminds him of her and of everything that didn’t work out between them -- wwx is the new kid, he needs to get used to his new home, he needs to know he’s safe and loved, he needs to have his fun, and he’s not the heir so he obviously can get into more trouble he’ll need rescuing from/rescuing after...

i don’t have siblings, but i don’t know if we can say that jyl, jc’s biological big sister who was there when he was born, held his little hand, comforted him when he cried and played with him, obviously loves wwx more than she loves jc. she does show wwx more attention and warmth! so maybe it’s just me pointlessly arguing about the semantics! and also wwx is the main pov, so maybe she’s affectionate with jc but we just don’t see it! but it just. idk.

a personal sidenote: i completely suck at being a friend. i routinely forget about people -- say, when i get into a new Thing, i can spend AGES thinking about it, reading ff, browsing people’s blogs, and then i wake up and remember i have friends i haven’t talked to for three weeks, oops. i also often hesitate to message people even if i want to talk to them, because a, i don’t want to bother them, and b, i often don’t have anything worth talking about going on in my life, and i want to avoid the shame of having to admit that. and like -- i mean, yeah, maybe there is something wrong with me, actually, because i’ve had several relationships just... fizzle out to nothing -- we stopped talking, we got into a petty argument and unfollowed each other, and so on -- and i just feel... “well, that’s a bummer” about it, and that’s it. i’m not heartbroken, i can’t relate to those “everyone had a homoerotic friendship in high school that later fell apart and ruined you emotionally” posts! so maybe i don’t have feelings, maybe i’m a bad “friend” or even an “acquaintance”! this is not sarcasm, i mean it. i don’t know. but i’m sure there are people who do have feelings and are good friends, but who, say, have adhd and it makes it hard to keep in touch, or regularly pay attention to their loved ones, and it just makes me sad to think that essentially if you pay less attention = you care less.

or maybe it’s also me being a tiny bit 🤔 when we start adhering too closely to what the book clearly/evidently/obviously says in our posts...? like. idk. i think a lot of the fun in fandom is also having our interpretations and “well i don’t know for sure, but i think that...”, and talking strictly and only about the canon text a/ gets kinda boring after a while and b/ well it can’t all be there, can it. like at least some of it has to be our interpretation. and it’s okay! it’s fun, actually! it’s just. augh.

am i making sense. am i being mean. i don’t know. don’t expect things from me please

[fae-fucker]

I've been reading a bunch of dragon shifter romances to see what else is out there and for inspiration.

So far, so bad. Won't name and shame these ladies, even if it would've been deserved, but I do have some, uh, observations.

I'm gonna start calling these torso books, because it's always just a huge veiny torso on the cover.

I genuinely did not go out looking specifically for porn. I just went "Dragon romance? Ok, will check." That's just what all of these books end up being. What is it specifically about shapeshifters/dragon shifters that makes them almost entirely porn-exclusive?

It's usually quite bad porn, to boot. Read one of them and you've read them all. Something claim, something "It won't fit!"-"It will.", something mating scent, something slick folds, something fill up and/or stretch out. Read one where they did it against a tree, which, gorl. Ok.

Sometimes they'll give the man a weird cock in order to fulfill some monsterfucker quota. It's usually a weird cock on an otherwise regular veiny man, no other inhuman traits. The cock will be anatomically questionable in how much it actually adds to the woman's pleasure. A two-headed penis is explained to be designed that way because dragons produce so much cum that it needs to get out faster? I do not know.

There's always some mating shit involved. It's always bad, often one-sided to explain why the perfect man would be interested in the weak and pathetic human woman, who is weak and pathetic.

The man will always be the ultimate masculine specimen while the woman is a curvy little pink-lipped hard-nippled dick recepticle. Any and all extreme sexual dimorphism present in regular het romance written by horny women will be amplified by a bajillion.

Somehow the attraction is so instant and extreme that boners pop and clits throb at the mere first sight of their counterpart. It's always funny and never convincing.

There will be some weak nod to the man being a dragon by him having, uh, a horde. Of stuff? Maybe. Most draconic thing about him will be his dick, and maybe he has some fire magic, and possibly can transform into an actual dragon.

Usually it's just a regular rich man, though. Just like a man in a suit. Who is big. Bigger than the other men in suits. Just a very large man. He's so large.

His suits are always super tight so you can see his muscles. But also tailored, because he's rich? I do not know.

Any and all women except the obligatory brainless best friend who serves sass and everyday wisdom to the heroine is a huge bitch who wants to take her big man. Women generally get sorted into "nameless bimbo admirer of the big man who gives the heroine the stink-eye when the big man wants her" or "named alpha bitch who will get dunked on and/or humiliated."

Which is extremely ironic because there's usually some hollow empowerment or girlpower message at the end for the heroine, somehow. Very feminisms.

The hero usually has a younger brother who's like, the most pleasant person in the book. He's always presented as weaker and less masculine than the hero, so he doesn't pose a threat to him and his extremely fragile masculinity.

The one time the hero was the younger brother, it was the book with the two-headed penis and the fucking-against-a-tree. My disappointment was immense.

The big dragon man always treats the heroine as like, his pet. Talks to her like she's beneath him. Yanks her around sexual style. Sexual harassment/assualt is common. She finds this hot, either secretly or explicitly, so it's empowering, actually.

There's a weird overlap between dragon romances and cowboy romances? Also dragon aliens? That latter one at least has more creativity and weirder guys than just Big Man in Suit, so there's that.

Someone free me from this hell why are all dragon books like this AUGH.

[unsleepingtales]

Ey life got chaotic but we press on. First up is Ravening War episode three reactions, hopefully soon to be followed by Ravening War episode four reactions, and, if we’re lucky, Ravening War episode five reactions. Let’s go! (also this is a long one just a heads up)

First combat episode this season I am HYPE

My partner prefers the role play episodes and I get that I really do but something about all the numbers and mechanics and trinkets in the combat episodes really tickles my brain

Colin :D

Aabria’s makeup on point as always

Fruity you say 😏

(Distant screams of ambushees)

Different degrees of strong and loose?? Malleable battlefield?? Ey??

Raphaniel so fucking ruthless Jesus

With a lot of swagger!!

Karna sweetheart

Karna why you gotta kill someone

Come on Provolone!

Aw lil Karna and Colin moment :)

You didn’t bring a carriage. You brought starfruit.

Awww everyone’s mini reveals

So excited to see Amangeaux fight

Gang it is once again Rick Perry Appreciation Hours

Sorry Aabria a WHAT kinda gal

Bloodthirsty radish yeesh

Karna is so real because if I had magic I also would just use it all the time regardless of how much danger I would be putting myself in if someone saw me

That looks like a real orange. Are you telling me that’s not? A real orange?

DOME ANTICS

I really hope that they do like. A series of destination/travel posters for Ravening War with the art they’ve been putting on the dome. I think those would be sick.

The camera movement this episode!!

God I want to work for them

Augh poor little cherries

The character choice “Actually no, she’s gonna be dumb” is so important sometimes.

A little fuck with your mind cantrip?

Mind sliver oooooo

It’s really hard to see a woman spiral like this 😔

This is happening TO me sir no it is not shush

COLIN DEALS NECROTIC DAMAGE????

Nothing can heal this person from this blade????

Oh my god.

Oh my god that’s fucking horrifying. As someone with GI issues? The visuals of that Eldritch blast are horrifying.

A little guy??? You can’t add a wrinkle to the encounter!

Y’know, if you wanted the rowboat guy to not notice anything. Maybe you shouldn’t have thrown a guy into the river?

Banana has the highest initiative???

You *feel* pretty hidden??

“Please full die”

Brennan was really trying for a Beardsley calling to Helio moment there and Did Not get it.

Like a delusional mary poppins <3

A Cody level turn!!

Pulling arrows out of her own body, still goes oof.

Chess jokes!

Ohohohoho intimidation

Oh god

Gonna kill Brennan with his own box!

Grape IS the worst candy flavor thank you Aabria for speaking the truth.

Pamela!

Brennan looks like he’s losing his mind lmaooo

Is Deli just gonna flat out kill her in one turn

Ooh that’s a cool ability ngl

Pompous Mockery? Neat

All the multiclasses this season are so cool! Giving me so many ideas!

Don’t kill Colin :(

Horrifying. Horrifying!

Everyone gleefully watching Brennan squirm is so fun

Oh time for some Raphaniel lore!

Oh my god??

Oh does that end his turn?? Does it?

Oh dear lord

That’s our third “how do you want to do this” in like 15 minutes jesus

Karna! So creepy! Love u bb

YOU. DIED. FOR. NOTHING.

Babe WHAT

Ohohoho the political intrigue

“No secret was worth this” Colin honey

Raphaniel is just so unhinged huh

Spiesssss

What. What’s up guys. What? Hello what?

TWO NAT 20S on this poor fucked up apologetic skeleton thing?

SPORES?????

If karna’s bardic just saved him that’s beautiful ngl

Zombies?? Calorum’s got zombies???

On a 22 arcana he’s got no clue? Damn

Oh god what if that’s what Karna would turn into if she didn’t cut the rot out of herself?

Hive mind? Mold hive mind?

How many people have visibly used magic now?

Ooh camera antics

And we go back below the food pyramid!

Sanctus Putris means holy rot jsyk

Oh god oh fuck oh no

Oh this is so reliant on shame. That has so many thoughts attached to it.

Guilt is being utilized so effectively here

I also feel crazy!

[magnetiix]

Your muse has to share something that’s hard for them to talk about. What is the biggest thing they don’t want to say aloud/admit? What makes it hard for them to say it? | What’s one of the bravest things your muse has done? Did they consider it brave? | What’s something they’ve mildly been afraid of before? Not a huge trauma, something small? | What does your muse like about [Flash Man]? (Quick)

Headcanon/Development Questions (still accepting!)

Your muse has to share something that’s hard for them to talk about. What is the biggest thing they don’t want to say aloud/admit? What makes it hard for them to say it?

((Well... everything, isn't it? Everything is hard for him to talk about. It's hard to talk when talking is something you consider unnecessary and even wasteful. But above all, sharing his... appreciation for his linemates out loud is... especially difficult. The Seconds are not exactly known for knowing love, and perhaps Quick most of all. He wouldn't know where to begin. To verbally express his appreciation for even Metal, who he has no shame in naming as his personal favorite of the Seconds, would lead to nothing but awkwardness for them both. Quick does not know how to give love. And Metal does not know how to receive it. The way he values his linemates shows enough in how he behaves around them, anyway. Words don't need to be said.))

What’s one of the bravest things your muse has done? Did they consider it brave?

((The bravest thing Quick did was keep going after the Seconds' signals went down during the White Nightmare's invasion. After losing his siblings, there was a very real possibility that he could have just simply stopped working altogether. But he didn't. Does he think it's brave? No, not really, mostly because of how hard he'd effectively dissociated through the entire thing. But it was brave all the same.

For a more recent thing, talking to Wily! Making sure Shadow was there, making sure Shadow knew that he didn't mean to attack him and also regretted it, despite how muted his reaction might have been. Quick could have just been gone and put as much distance between him and Shadow as possible, but no. Shadow asked him if he'd had his systems checked recently and instead of shrugging it off, Quick took note of what Shadow was implying, listened, and invited him to come with. Before the Stardroid War, he'd have never done this, especially not with someone who wasn't a Second. Quick is very much trying to make an effort to be present in Wily City, and that's very brave. He doesn't really think much about it in terms of bravery, though.))

What’s something they’ve mildly been afraid of before? Not a huge trauma, something small?

((Not to point any fingers at any flamboyant Thirds in particular, but according to Quick it's frankly stupid to develop a Robot Master - especially one built for war - with fears, no matter how big or small they may be. That hinders their performance. No, Quick's not afraid of anything small, nor am I sure if he has the capacity to be. His emotions are so muted that I'm unsure if he'd feel anything to begin with. Something he used to be cautious of, though, was scraping his horns against a wall or doorway or low ceiling. Just. Augh. That noise. Bad.))

What does your muse like about [Flash Man]? (Quick)

((I will admit I'm not sure if you're expecting a legitimate answer to this question Cyber LOL And I tried to think of something, I really did. But nope. The answer's nothing. He doesn't like anything about Flash. At most he might tolerate or respect some things about Flash, such as Flash's ability to actually give him a decent fight, or rarer still appreciate his existence as a Second for fleeting moments, but like things about him? Nah. They're too different, they clash too much.))

[mavspeed]

Hi faerie_ground/ Desi,

I'm writing this in your ask box because for some reason my DMs are being stupid and not opening. My name's Kai, I go by Shearmouth on AO3, and I've been a rabid follower of "cloaked" since I found it around chapter 4's posting. I've already left you several reviews, but I wanted to reach out and let you know again how much this story means to me, and how grateful I am to you for creating it, so you can have a loving message from one of your readers to take into the new year (and on your much-deserved hiatus!) with you.

Trigger warning for CSA and its associated shittiness.

When I was 10 I was molested by a very close family member. Due to life circumstances, I didn't really have a way to get away from this person, and the response of my primary caregiver at the time was to kinda sweep it under the rug. Luckily it didn't happen again, but the body keeps the score and all that. 10 years later, during covid, the trauma started surfacing in therapy. I've spent the last 2 years working on it. I have been told by the same caregiver I confided in when it first happened to keep it to myself, don't talk about it, keep the peace in the family. There was a long time where I felt deeply broken, tainted almost. Like I never truly would heal from it. And I was so angry that it ever happened at all.

Though I've made tons of progress since then, I still find enormous catharsis in fanfic featuring sexual abuse and recovery. A few stand out, but yours is at the top of the list, despite being barely half posted. I've said it before but I'll say it again– your handling of the subject matter is nothing short of masterful. This is heavy, heavy shit. But you manage to say it out loud and look it in the face in a way that's both agonizing, and deeply moving. Maverick's reaction to his abuse is familiar to anyone who's gone through something like it, I think. The shame, the terror, the dread. Feeling like you've been dirtied beyond hope. That your friends and loved ones see you reduced to only what was done to you. And the rage. All that rage, with nowhere to go.

Maverick feels all this and more, and in the beginning it was torture to watch him go through it alone. As Ice slowly earns his trust again and works his way back into his heart, we see Maverick starting to let him in and lean on him. And Ice, flawed and frightened as he may be, is showing up for Maverick. He's standing by him through that terror and shame and rage. And we're seeing Maverick soften into it and accept that love from Ice.

So many people don't get that. So many people go through this alone, from start to finish. I was lucky. I have two amazing friends who stood by me, and a few excellent therapists. But even with them, working through this has seen me lonelier than at almost any other point in my life. I can't imagine how hard it is for survivors who truly don't have anyone. But here we get to see Mav accept the help, and start to move toward the path of healing. Ice, of course, can't fix this for him. But he can have his back. And that is invaluable. He's there for Mav even when Mav is being pissy and scared and angry and all the nasty emotions one tends to feel in the wake of such a traumatic experience. Thank you for giving that to him, and vicariously, to me. I can't wait to watch them heal, separately and together.

I'm rambling a bit, but the point is this: the story that you're making is incredibly profound. It's expertly executed. It's gripping and moving and heartbreaking. And for me, coming to it with my history, it's extremely cathartic. I'm so grateful to you for putting this into the world. Thank you.

I wait with bated breathed for the next chapter (even tho I'm scared, wtf does negative comfort even MEAN AUGH IM FRIGHTENED), and I'll be counting the days until February or whenever you come off hiatus! I hope you enjoy a well-deserved rest from this beast, and in the meantime happy new year!

Love, Kai

HIII putting this under a read more cos it got long. general trigger warning for discussions of rape/non-con/CSA

first off can i just say. i am SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS this ask legitimately did not show up in my notifs. i had the shock of my LIFE when i came on tumblr web and realised i received 2 asks from you. lmfjgfjfjffj tumblr.............

second of all there is no need for an introduction (this may sound creepy) but i know who you are i really look forward to seeing your comments on cloaked you have no idea!!! each comment is like a balm to my soul i recognise every single one of my regular, semi-regular, dying-but-hanging-in-there commenters lmao i love yall serious

third!! this ask moved me to tears. seriously seriously SERIOUSLY it did i had to run off to the bathroom at work and then run back bc my work is a deadline-based hellsite. ANYWAY i am so sorry you went through that, you should never have done and these situations just remind us of how horrible and awful some people can be. im so glad you're seeking help for it right now, that's the right step and im so proud you had the courage to do it!

as for everything else- im also relieved that this story resonates with you! truth be told i was nervous about posting the first chapter bc its such a dark subject matter and we know what purity culture is like these days. don't discuss sensitive issues, don't put it in your fic, etc etc etc. i have my own opinions on these but in all honesty, cloaked was just going to be a straightforward retelling of tgm in tg86 squad's perspective until i came across a story handling rape/non-con..... not well. at all. and its not the first fandom ive seen this be handled in a way thats... just not to my liking, lets leave it at that. so believe it or not cloaked came about half out of spite and half out of personal reasons (i think i said some of it in my reply to you lol)

anyway thank YOU for sharing your story with me and please believe me when I say you're not alone!! a huge part of cloaked is the arc of mav coming to realise he doesn't have to deal with his trauma by himself. he has people around him (not just ice), and eventually, they push him to get the help he needs (is this a spoiler? nvm idc lmao). trust me, i put careful thought into it for a reason! thank YOU for realising it and coming to terms with it :') you're definitely not alone and anytime you feel as such, seek out help! my dms are always open too :D

also i feel like i don't need to say this but once again any form of way you use to go forth in your recovery is so so valid. if you wanna read my fic 1000 times over or others dealing in this content to get a step ahead, please do so. if you wanna ask me for personal headcanons/thoughts/etc in the cloaked verse specifically, please do so. im always ready and willing to talk!!

this reply got so godawfully long to end it off... i don't know which point you're at in the process of your recovery, but i hope you get the healing you deserve, which you do very much. thank you for being so brave to share your story <3 i sincerely hope cloaked ends in a fitting way to make you proud as well lmfkgjkgj ahhaha insert high-pitched nervous laughter