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theunholybastard · 1 month ago

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Kinktober: October 24th - Threesome (Papa Emeritus IV x Cumulus x Female!Reader)

Tags: Porn With No Plot, Threesome F/F/M, Praise, Restraints, Cunilingus, Creampie, Cum Eating, 1st Person POV

Cumulus tugs at the ropes binding my wrists, tightening them. "Is that good, baby?" She asks, sickeningly sweet. I nod nervously, mentally preparing myself for what activities will soon ensue. We were both already completely naked and exposed. Cumulus' body is that of a goddess, sculpted by Venus herself. I'm intimidated, quite frankly, despite her soft and safe demeanour. The only one not fully naked yet was Copia, still clad in his tight pants. That, and his socks, which he was not planning on taking off.

"How are my beautiful ladies doing, eh?" Copia grins, coming up behind Cumulus and running his hands up her waist, grasping at her plump skin. "Good, Papa." She purrs, shivering at his touch. A hand comes up to pinch at her nipple, a little moan escaping her. "And you, cara mia?" He turns his focus to me, his gaze fogged with lust, looking at me as if I was his prey he was stalking.

"I'm okay, Papa." I shudder, the temperature in the room too cold to remain nude and untouched for much longer. "Just c-chilly..." Copia nods sympathetically, his hands now coming to rub up my leg. "Poor thing. We must show you some attention now, shouldn't we?" He coos. "Or perhaps, you'd like it if we put on a show for you first?" As much as I'd like to watch Cumulus fall apart on Copia, or vice-versa, my cunt is aching for some sort of attention, for a release.

"Please just fuck me." I mutter. The two smile excitedly, Copia starting to undo the laces of his confining pants. "Of course. Cumulus, would you be a doll and warm her up for me? I'll make it worth your while." Cumulus grins ear to ear, fangs shining in the candle light filling the room. She dips her body down, hot breath zeroed in on my cunt. I don't even have the time to take a deep breath before her tongue is lapping violently at my clit, sucking on me like she wants to get to my centre.

Copia gets behind her once he frees himself from the confines of his pants, lining himself up with her entrance. He pushes in, her copious amounts of slick making it extremely easy to slide in. I could practically hear the squishing sound of her wetness enveloping him. She moans against my folds, the vibration feeling fucking incredible against my swollen clit. The pleasure he was giving her only encouraged her further to suck and lick at my pussy, devouring me frantically like I was her favorite meal.

He bucked into her at a slow pace, wanting to save some stamina for me too. She growls impatiently, rocking her hips harshly against his, causing him to cry out. His grip on her hips is almost bruising, desperately trying to contain himself. "F-fuck, 'Lus. You're so tight..." He gasps, bucking faster, her tongue only flicking faster in return. She smiles cheekily against my sex, a light blush on her cheeks. Her growing cockiness encourages her to add two fingers inside my hole, pumping and curling in order to hit the spot. Thank Lucifer she trimmed her claws beforehand like I told her to.

Her mouth attacking the most sensitive part of me, all while I was forced to watch her body jiggle deliciously as he fucked into her, was too much to handle, practically screaming from the overwhelming pleasure and extreme arousal I was experiencing. The recoil of her ass and tits bouncing and swaying from the force, and the tip of her tongue flicking in a rapid succession, I was tipping over, close to reaching the precipice.

I clench around her fingers, and throw my head back, letting out a choked moan at the feeling of it washing over me. My body felt like it was completely factory resetting, like a bucket of cold water was dumped all over me, and simultaneously, my cunt was on fire. My thighs cramped firmly around her ears, and though they weren't nearly as luscious and life-ending as hers were, I couldn't help but worry I hurt her. My body couldn't control itself however, bucking against her face, my hips rolling with each wave that crashed upon me.

When she was finally able to pull away, she did so very hesitantly, as if she wanted to live down there for the rest of her days. She licked her lips seductively, licking her fingers clean as well. "You taste so fucking good, darling." She huffs, Copias thrusts perfectly timed in between each word. "Do you think shes ready for my cock?" Copia asked, out of breath from how hard he was fucking into the curvaceous Ghoulette. She nods enthusiastically, popping herself off of his dick and shuffling her body upwards. She hovers over my face, her dripping pussy in full view.

"Do you need me to hover, or can you take it all?" Cumulus purrs, stroking my cheek. I can feel Copia's cock rubbing against my sensitive folds, not yet pushing in until I answer her. "Make me take it. Please." I plead, needy and desperate to feel her whole weight crush me. She beamed, explained to me how all I needed to do to get her to stop was tap twice against the bedframe, and finally plopped down. Her cunt tasted incredible, and I slurped her up with equal intensity that she did to me. I could only hope I was doing half as well as she did.

Copia pushed in, giving it his all as he fucked into me. The stretch felt incredible, his cock a lot bigger than I had anticipated. "Brava ragazza." Copia praised. "Take it like a good girl. Take the both of us." I could barely breathe, and the way I was constricting around Copia, he could barely breathe either. It was so fucking worth it. I would die happily drowned in Cumulus' liquids, and Copia would gladly let his heart give out if it meant pulling another orgasm from me.

"You're so big." My words are barely coherent, severely muffled by the wet pussy suffocating me. He seemed to understand just fine, his hand coming to press on my lower stomach. "Am I now?" He huffs. "I understand how you feel that way. I can feel myself reaching all the way up here. I feel my cock bucking into your fucking stomach. Isn't that incredible, amore mio?" His words make me feel lightheaded, or maybe it was the lack of oxygen. Probably both. I still won't let up, not until her cum covers my face will I grant myself permission to breathe.

All of his thrusts met my cervix each time, an involuntary scream erupting from my throat each time. Cumulus seemed to appreciate my vocalizations, no doubt feeling amazing against her perky clit. Her hips rocked on their own accord over my face, and I welcomed it. I loved that she was so lost in the pleasure I was making her receive that she didn't even notice. She looked so beautiful above me, looking down at me with half-lidded eyes, lips parted sensually.

She came very soon, shaking and back arching, only further pressing her mound into my face. I lapped up all her exquisite juices, like a runner after a marathon. It was warm and salty, running down my throat seamlessly. Her voice sounded so beautiful when she cried out my name, a sense of pride filling me. I did that. The excitement alone was enough to send me over the edge once more, shattering against Copia, legs kicking aggressively.

Like a chain reaction, it wasn't long before he followed suit, cumming from the sheer force of me clamping down on his cock. He painted my walls white, deep as possible as he fills me with his seed. Catching our breaths, Cumulus sits up as to not kill me, leaning over to press a kiss to my raw lips. "Did such a good job. Such a pretty girl, honey. So perfect for us..." I soaked up the praise like a sponge, her soft, caring voice filling me with a fuzzy warmth. Copia pulled out, stumbling forward to untie my wrists.

"Can I clean you up, darling?" Cumulus cooed. I nodded thoughtlessly, mind focused on the overwhelming pleasure, and the stinging on my poor wrists. Copia rubbed a soothing ointment on them, kissing and caressing my rope burned wounds. He sang praises to me as Cumulus went down a second time, eating Copia's spend from my leaking hole. I almost feared I would cum a third time, till she finished after what felt like forever, swallowing the last drop of Copias semen.

Copia smiles in satisfaction, waving Cumulus over while pulling me in for an embrace, providing comfort after all the exertion. "Come. I want to hold my two favorite girls." His voice rumbles in his chest. My heart flutters, the noises around me slowly fading as I succumb to sweet sleep. Sweaty, exhausted, and completely at peace in the arms of both of my compassionate lovers.

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kuni-is-daddy · 2 years ago

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Hear me out- fluffy comfort sex with scara bc y/n's severe daddy issues are acting up and it gets rougher... idk ive just been fantasizing about this 🤭

"For me~"

Tw: daddy issues, Signals of depression.

Scaramouche x GN reader PUREE comfort! :)

1.3K Words

scara masterlistt wanderer comfort

Fluff+smut

MINORS DNI---

Please make sure your taking care of yourself! I might not know you but your a beautiful person inside out who deserves the best and an amazing life no matter your age. Either young or old, things will get better. Have faith in yourself ❤️ I hope scara helps you feel better here💜

Art credit!

Even though scaramouche has a interesting personality. I feel like he truly can relate to MANY people regarding their problems and that's why he's one of my, if not favorite genshin character.

He's on break from his most recent mission in inazuma and treats you out and catch up as another date. He brings you a couple of gifts and some dango he kept cold just for you. "I thought you weren't a fan of dango scara?" "I'm not but.. figured I might as well bring something sweet for you besides myself" you giggled but that soon turned into a sad expression while you played with the box of dango he handed to you. "What's wrong y/n?"

Unfortunately, hearing about what's going on with your father was the last thing he wished to hear. Your his everything and you getting treated or viewed as nothing is something that makes his skin boil.

"tsk, how about I teach that old man a lesson? Humans are all the same. Taking it out on others because they can't handle the fucking truth or their own shit life. Where is he?" Scaramouche stood up from the table and looked at his surroundings.

"S-scara baby please it's fine its fine.." he sits back down. "Being with you already makes my day a blessing." You cup his cheek and he sinks into your warm touch. Looking at your beautiful eyes. He sighs, "you don't deserve this y/n. And..I'm not going to be here all the time for you. Fuck...this is already pissing me off"

"I don't even fucking have a father, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't let myself get pushed around like this." You frowned. "Hey. Look at me. Your not a push over okay? I-im just saying this isn't right. Your beautiful and deserve the world y/n. I'd give you all of teyvat in a heartbeat" which you assumed he could after seeing the 'Shouki no kami' he and 'the doctor' have been working on. "Is he always home and like this?" "Yeah.. it's just like this when I'm around... So I'd just find something to do to try and take my mind off if it but..it still hurts." He held your hand. "Its going to hurt my love, it hurt when my mom abandoned me as well. Leaving me alone, but you have to find hope. Be it something small or anything. The fatui was.. a revenge thing you can say but. I found hope within you to be different..even if I am still in it. For now." You blushed "wow kuni~ I never knew you could be so nice." And there went his ego, "I just tell it like it is. And like I said, you are beautiful my love. And you certainly are worth it. Every hour, every second and every breath I take by your side."

It grew silent for a couple of minutes. Scara got up and paced back and forth thinking of a way to help you, to make you understand he loves you. He knew that deep in your thoughts we're tragedy and pain, that you we're alone. And he didn't want you to feel how he felt when his life crumbled due to the stoned face of a god.

He wanted to hurt that man, make him regret it. But he knew that wasn't the right way. Sometimes violence isn't always the answer and he learned that from you. You we're the yin to his yang, the beat in his heart. He loved you more than anything and you guided him into the 'happy' man he is today more then anyone could ever hope to become.

He didn't take you home, rather to his own home. It was dark, black painted walls and only 1 or 2 pictures he took with his 'buddy, Childe' and the rest we're all pictures of you. Even in his room he had taped up letters you'd write to him during his abroad trips. "Look. Come here." He was a little stern but you can tell it was because he was angry at how you we're being treated. "You see all of this here? I read these everyday. When I wake up, to be reminded that I'll always have you y/n." He held your hands and sat on the bed while taking his hat off. "I want you too feel the same way, even with that piece of shi- 'annoying parent' around. You don't have to read my letters my love, but please. Stay strong. For me. And for the future we will have together, side by side. Always."

SMUT🤪

Scaramouche laid you onto the bed and let out a groan "god look at this beautiful body of yours. How dare you look at yourself like this.. your fucking beautiful" he rubbed his hands along your body and took licks around your neck "I'm gonna treat you well t'night baby. And tomorrow I'm going to ask that brat Childe to take the rest of my missions for a bit(months) love." "B-but scara then your going to be so busy after-" he kissed you to keep you quiet. "Mmm mmm.. don't worry about that, trust me you'd be surprised to see the things he'd do after I put on a show for him(scara means killing a buncha people. Childe loves that shit😩)

Scara moved down to your private part, licking and kissing it "Scara~ stopp..your tongue~"

"Want me to stop baby? I know you like it." "N-no" you said while rubbing through his hair "you feel so good~" he smirked. "Good you like it. How about my fingers, you want that to?" "Y-yes daddy..wanna feel your fingers." Scara licked at his fingers and put two inside. "Mmm your so tight around my fingers baby..." He took his other hand and held your leg up while biting at your thighs. "Scara~ please~ ah...hah...." biting and sucking on your thighs until you got a hicky "Yes? What does love want." "I- I want you inside." He stopped biting at you and laughed. "Mmm and here I thought you wanted me to be gentle. And cherish your body." "I-i do but... I want more of you scara" "then take what you want of me, my love"

"Oh fuck baby..L-look at you, bouncing on daddys cock so well." Scara's praises made your body heat up. You two interlocked hands as you chased your orgasm "Yes y/n..Fuck yes. i love you. I love you so fucking much, Please cum for me. Let me hear those beautiful moans." "S-SCARA~ OH sHIT~" You cum oozed onto scara as he kept praising you, "Mm..fuck baby you did so well..So fucking well.. lay down f' me." Your body grew weak as your high started to fade and he guided you to the otherside of the bed. Scara licked off some of your cum while cleaning you up. "Shit.. and you taste good too baby." You threw a pillow at him "You pervet-"

You awoke to your boyfriend soundly asleep next to you. Already in his fatui attire. "S-scara...Your still here" He ruffly opened his eyes. "Of course id be here dumass.. But i do have to leave in a bit.. Otherwise how else am i gonna get that ginger idiot to take my work for a bit." You we're shocked that he still committed to what he said earlier, You thought he was just speaking to boost you up but scara was serious about it. You gave him a hug. "Im so glad to have you in my life Kuni. I love you."

"My god, my mother, humans. They've all abandoned me. Because I was 'weak. Not good enough.' But now I understand my love, I don't need them. Or what they say... All I need and want is you. I want to wake up to your beautiful smile. I want while I'm away for you to be happy. So please keep trying, not for those that dismiss you like they've done me. But for yourself and me. I believe in and love you. Just the way you are and the person you strive to be. I love your kindness, the way you smiled even when you we're sad on our dango date and wake up everyday even if it's the bare minimum. Dont hide those emotions anymore my love, When your hurt, Fall in my arms. Please stay, don't listen to that old bastard or the pain in your heart. I love you and I will stay with you until the bitter end to pick you up. Just like you always did for me"

Ps: I will be home Early, Tomorow evening most likely. Apparently, childe sees me as his 'best friend' and is willing to help regardless. What a looser. Anyway, I have to prep up for the fatui's grand dinner. I hope you ate today my love, Farewell until then.

-Kunikuzushi.

#genshin smut #genshin headcanons #genshin x you #genshin fluff #genshin scenarios #genshin x y/n #genshin impact #scaramouche smut #scaramouche fluff #scaramouche headcanons #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x reader #scara x y/n #scara x you #scara x reader #scaramouche #kunikuzushi #kunikizushi

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kakiastro · 6 months ago

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Chiron Aries transit: Wounded Identity

2018-2027

I think this gif reflects this transit so well. It’s time to see the beauty in you and heal

We’re not discussing this transit enough because it’s playing a huge role in what’s currently going on.

Chiron is known as the “wounded healer.” It’s the wound that leaves a permanent scar on you. The pain never fully goes away but it can be tolerable. Chiron is also a healer, when you start to heal yourself, you can help others. He’s also a teacher, understanding those wounds and learning from them is healing for you on a soul level.

So how does this affect the collective?

Chiron can teach us and show us where we need to heal as a collective.

It’s been in the sign of Aries for 8 years and the year 2027 will its last until 2077(I’ll be in my 80s🥴😅). Chiron returns every 50 years back to a sign.

Aries is ruled by the warrior planet Mars. It rules our identity, Men, courage, our motivation, sex, the head.

What have we been and needs healing these last 8-9 years as a collective?

-the corrupt power of men and world stage leaders, and the downfall of them is a main theme I’m seeing here. I’m pretty sure this is when the Metoo movement became prominent in our conversations in society as a whole.

-Men/Masc energy folks are being asked to heal those old wounds that’s haunted them all their lives so they can be their best selves.

- women/fem energy folks are finding a courage and level of independence they never knew they had before.

-every single soul here is currently having an identity crisis and asking themselves “who tf am I? I know what I’ve been taught or what I’ve been who I should be, but is this really me?”

-standing up for yourself when you didn’t have bravery to before.

-lack of motivation is another theme.

Those who are going through there Chiron Return (gen x) those born in the late 60s & early 70s are really going through this. It’s the midlife crises of the self. Aries is the baby of the zodiac so that’s people are trying to relieve some sort of lost youth that they had.

Example : Leonardo DiCaprio-Chiron Aries 7h. His relationship wounds have been in the spotlight more than his movies. He has a problem with serious relationship commitment “hence him dating young non committal women”, he’s stuck in his 90s it boy youth days. I’m not saying needs to act old or anything but maturity and surrounding himself with mature (adults his age) is a big theme for him.

You know, the pandemic is also apart of this storyline. We were at home by ourselves(Aries). Life stopped and we had to face the music within ourselves.

-Anger and frustration is also a huge thing we are healing through. How we express this emotion in a healthy way. There’s lots of things to be currently angry about but Chiron is asking us “are you going to let it consume you in hurt and destruction or use it to light the inspiration flame inside you? Your choice.”

Ive always felt Aries and Scorpio chirons are the most intense because it’s Mars energy Mars is deep, intense, passionate. Scorpio is also ruled by Mars(if you didn’t know)

- with the NN Aries & eclipse Aries, this Wounded and healing energy is going to be more prevalent now than before. Neptune enters this sign next year, you’ll be asking “who am I, body and soul?”

We are in the “time to face the music and heal era” are you doing the work?

So as we move through these next few years of this transit, think on how much growth you’ve done since 2018. The person you are now in 2024 won’t even be the same person in 2027. Document everything because this is how you see astrology work in real time.

Im open for readings!

#astrology #astrology community #astro observations #knowledge #advanced astrology #birth chart #kakiastro #tropical astrology #chiron #Chiron Aries transit

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geeky-politics-46 · 2 years ago

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Sacrifices - Part 1

Pairing: Doctor Stephen Strange x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Stephen gave up the time stone to save you & your son, but how can you possibly go on without him?

Warnings: Heavy angst & some smut (NSFW) - 18+ ONLY - language, reference to injuries, death, mental illness, complicated feelings about cheating, general sadness, vaginal sex, unprotected sex

This piece may go through some small edits over time as I work on part 2. Some slight canon divergence. Based on a request from @magnificentfurybluebird. Not necessarily my best work, but I'm happy with it.

GIF by wetiredofthis

When the spacecraft landed at the compound, thanks to Carol, you all scrambled to see who or what it was. You prayed to every God you knew that Stephen was somehow, someway, on board. That he had come back to you. Knowing that Tony and Peter had been with him when that creature, that thing took him.

Your heart shattered even further when you saw Tony near death stumble out. No one else followed except for Nebula. You knew deep down Stephen wouldn't be there. You already knew he was gone.

Nat and Steve were the ones who stayed outside with you as you sobbed and wailed. One hand on your pregnant belly, the other over your chest clutching at the cassum where your heart had once been. Nat rocking you back and forth, trying to calm you down and slow your breathing. Steve simply trying to keep you upright and holding your hair when your sobbing inevitably turned to dry heaving.

You don't remember how you got back inside. The next thing you remember was Tony having a little breakdown of his own. Understandably. You were swaddled in blankets staring blankly at the table. They had hooked both you and Tony up to IV drips. His anger didn't even phase you. Perhaps because it felt like an outlet for your own.

You vaguely remember Tony saying that Stephen gave up the time stone when Thanos threatened your life and the life of your unborn child. Stephen's son. You had only found out you were having a little boy a few days before Bruce crashed through the Sanctum's ceiling. It went from being the best week of your life to being the worst week of your life.

He said that Thanos threatened to find and torture you in front of him if Stephen didn't surrender the stone. That for the first time during the fight, he saw fear on Stephen's face. He knew Thanos would keep his word. So he did what he had to to save you and your son. Not knowing or not caring that Thanos' snap may as well have blipped you, too. Tony said that the last words Stephen said were, "There was no other way."

You were sure part of your soul turned to ash at the same time Stephen did. Even though you were safely ensconced in the Wakandan palace, you still felt it as if you had seen it with your own eyes. It was like someone had reached into your chest and pulled out your heart. You had stayed near catatonic on the trip back to regroup at the compound with all of the heroes who remained.

Since then, Nat had not let you out of her sight. Bruce and Steve were never far behind. Rhodey constantly brought you food and water, even though you refused to touch most of it. Pepper did what she could, but since Tony was in such bad shape, you couldn't blame her for focusing on him. Even Nebula and Rocket took turns sitting with you in those first few weeks.

You felt like a mental patient under constant observation for fear you would hurt yourself. Maybe that's what you were. Maybe that's why they didn't want to leave Tony and Thor alone for long either. Tony still had a long recovery ahead, and Thor already appeared to be spiraling into deep depression.

For a long time, you refused to speak to Wong directly. It hurt too much. The first words you spoke to him were to tell him that you couldn't go back to the Sanctum. He understood what you couldn't say out loud, so he let you keep your distance. Telling you that all you had to evet so was call and he would be there. Guarding over the Sanctum and the home you and Stephen had been building together. Promising to leave everything untouched unless you said otherwise.

For the next few months, the world around you felt like it was on fast forward. Perhaps it was just that you were moving in slow motion. You ate only when someone forced you to. Walked around the outside of the compound, but you had no interest in leaving the grounds. Preferring to spend most of your time curled up in bed, in the generic blank walled bedroom they gave you at the compound. You took care of yourself just enough to make sure your son would be born healthy, and he was.

A thick head of dark brown hair and bright blue eyes that matched Stephen's. You nearly gave him up for adoption because how could you care for and love this perfect little being when it hurt so badly to even just look at him? You couldn't though. You could never give up your one remaining tether to your husband. To Stephen. Instead, you sunk every ounce of energy you had into caring for him.

Your perfect little Vincent. The only silver lining you could find in a world without the man you loved. The reason you made yourself keep going. His sweet little smile was what kept you alive.

One by one, the remaining Avengers and Guardians started to leave. Rhodey had to help keep the US government and military functioning. Ayo literally had a whole country to run. Carol, Nebula, and Rocket were busy trying to keep other planets from falling apart. Pepper and Tony pretty much dropped off the grid during Tony's recovery. Val took over the responsibilities of New Asgard as Thor continued his own struggles, taking his solace in food and alcohol. Bruce left to try and find a way to peacefully coexist with the big green guy. Wong fell into the role of Sorcerer Supreme, putting the Kamar-Taj and the rest of the mystical arts power structure back into a working order.

--------------------------------

Eventually it was basically just Nat, Steve, you, and little Vincent. Nat was absolutely smitten with your little man. Stealing him away any chance she got, and encouraging you to focus on yourself. That it would be better for both you and Vincent, who she had taken to calling Vinny, if you found ways to take care of yourself too. Both mentally and physically.

To pacify her, you agreed. Starting small with things you always used to love. Taking nice long baths or showers. Indulging in body care and fragrances that didn't smell like a mix of baby powder and lavender. You started reading books again that didn't have pictures or a rhyme scheme to them. Quickly working through everything in the compound.

Soon your favorite thing to do was to have Steve take you into the city to visit your favorite little used bookstore, which was luckily still there. You went with Nat a couple times too, but going with Steve always felt better. Something about the white noise of his bike mixed with the wind whipping past you or the soothing sounds of 40's music in his car. Showing him you favorite books and ones that you thought he needed to read. He was content to just quietly wander through the shelves with you,

Nat was always trying to get you further out of your shell. Like you were her own little pet project. Trying to get you to go to lunch after or go shopping for clothes. She even pitched going lingerie shopping one day. You practically ran back to the compound on foot after that. You were nowhere near ready for that. To be or be seen as a sexual or sensual being again. To move on. Your heart still belonged to and longed for Stephen. Even after it had been years. You still wore your wedding rings for Christ sake.

At night, you still even dreamed of him. Almost every night, Stephen would find you. You didn't know where you were, but the landscape was barren and cold until Stephen would use his magic to cast an image of one of your favorite places. The park near the Sanctum or even the rooftop of the old building. The two of you reminiscing about the times you snuck up there to get away from everything, listening to the sounds of the city. A moment of fleeting happiness in those dreams only to wake up to the cold reality that he was gone and that you had to go on without him. You hated your own mind for torturing you with such vivid dreams.

That was another reason you liked being with Steve on your outings. He didn't treat you like just a mom, but he never pressured you to try to move on. He certainly hadn't either, despite what he told everyone else. You could see it in his eyes. You both simply chose to exist in that moment. No talk of the future or the past. Eventually, you two did start staying out together longer. Expanding your adventures to include things like walks in the park, museums, an occasional movie, and meals.

It was even with Steve that you decided it was time to pick up some of your stuff from the Sanctum. You didn't get much. Some of the things you had bought for Vincent before he was born, some of your clothes and toiletries, and a few photos of you and Stephen that you wanted Vincent to have. You wanted him to know his father, even if you weren't ready to talk about him much. Other than say how much Stephen would have adored him.

By the time you left, you were shaking like a leaf, even though you ran out of tears to cry a long time ago. After piling everything into the trunk of his car, Steve assumed you would want to go right home. Instead, you wanted to get drunk, telling him to go to the little Mexican restaurant you two frequented. Taking your normal table in the corner of the patio. It was a great spot for people watching.

Luckily, Steve talked you into stopping after two margaritas and a shot of tequila. Also making sure you ate plenty to absorb the alcohol. You were actually feeling better by the time you went to leave. Still telling Steve to take the long way back to the compound.

"Can I take you somewhere I really like to go? When I just want quiet or want to think?"

"Sure, Steve. Quiet sounds nice. I love Vincent so much, but he reminds me so much of Stephen. I don't know that I'm quite ready for that. I'll just shoot Nat a text saying she's in charge of bedtime."

You ended up parked out in the most beautiful field at the edge of an apple orchard. As soon as you got out of the car, the sweet scent of the ripening fruit enveloped you. Paired with the remaining heat from the sun sitting low on the horizon and the cool breeze slowly moving in, it felt perfect. It was breathtaking.

Your breath hitched a little when Steve's hands found his way to your hips as he helped you climb up on the hood of the sports car. Finding yourself extra self-concious when you turned to get comfy and inevitably ended up with your ass in his face. Noticing the blush you both wore when he went around to the other side and effortlessly pulled himself up next to you.

He quickly folded up his leather jacket to place under your head. Holding it in place until you were laid back and settled before following you and laying down beside you. His strong arm pressed against you, the warmth of his body radiating off of him. The scent from his jacket, the leather mixed with his cologne, filling your nostrils. Suddenly, you felt drunker on Steve than even the tequila had made you feel.

He noticed you shiver and the goosebumps forming on your arms. Without even thinking, he put one arm around you and pulled you so your head was resting on his shoulder. Moving his jacket so it draped over the two of you like a blanket. You fought the urge to bury your nose into his neck.

Had he always smelled so intoxicating?

Suddenly, you were feeling things you hadn't felt in literal years. Your body felt nearly electric. Even on those nights when you couldn't sleep and tried to sate an itch that you wanted to deny still existed, or when you dreamed of the passion filled nights you spent with Stephen, it didn't feel like this. It didn't feel like hunger. Like you were starving only to be plopped down in front of a big juicy Thanksgiving feast. It was too much and nowhere near enough.

You felt Steve's heart start to race as his enhanced sense of smell began to pick up what was surely the scent of your growing arousal. As the sun sank lower in the sky and the sound of crickets grew louder, the tension between you continued to grow thicker. In a moment of bravery, you let your hand come to rest on Steve's abdomen. He let his hand that was wrapped around you start drawing shapes on your hip.

You both knew you had reached the point of no return when his movements caused the shirt you were wearing to rise, and his fingers finally made contact with your bare skin. Your head tilted upward against his jaw as a needy moan feel from your lips as they pressed gently against his neck. Your teasing breath illiciting a hungry growl from the captain.

Time seemed to slow as he tilted his head down and gazed into your eyes. Seeming to seek confirmation that this wasn't in his head or that you weren't just drunk beyond all reason. The haze of lust in your eyes pushed him to place his lips softly over yours. It was comforting and sweet, and oh so different from the way Stephen used to kiss you.

That was the reason why you deepened the kiss. Letting your tongue lick across Steve's lips until he reflexively thrust his tongue into your mouth. For the first time since Stephen left, you weren't thinking about how his touch or his kiss used to feel. How much you missed everything about him. You were relishing in the unfamiliar. You stopped thinking and let yourself be taken.

Pulling Steve's large form on top of yours and spreading your legs so he could slot his hips between them. Arching your body up into his at the way his weight felt on top of you. It felt so good. You couldn't stop yourself from wrapping your legs around his legs and dragging your fingernails down his back until you got to his ass. Digging your fingers into his flesh and pulling his pelvis to grind against you.

The feel of his bulge grinding against you making you hungrier for him. You quickly reached up and moved to pull your shirt off. Finally getting your first good look at Steve's face after throwing your shirt to the side. Strands of his dark blonde hair falling forward into his now clouded blue eyes. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips swollen.

"God, you look so beautiful. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about this. I like being with you. Are you sure you want this? I don't want to pressure you."

It was sweet, and you were very happy that Steve cared about your feelings and your wants. You liked being with him, too. Right now, though, you didn't want to think. You just wanted to feel. You desperately wanted to feel something good. If that good feeling was having Captain America pound you stupid on the hood of his car, then so be it. You would deal with the consequences afterward.

You quickly began unbuttoning his shirt as you spoke. Looking into his pretty blue eyes only for a moment before focusing again in the expanse of his bare chest coming into view. All smooth skin and a few freckles against thick muscle.

"Just don't talk, Steve, just touch me, please. I just need you to touch me and kiss me. Okay? Right now, I just need you to take off your pants. Talk later."

He hesitated for a minute, then gave in. Nodding quickly and whispering, "Okay. Okay." Moving to unbutton and unzip his own jeans before moving over to yours as you pushed his shirt back off of his strong shoulders. Dragging your nails back down his newly bare chest before reaching back and bracing yourself on the cool metal of the car hood to help him lift your hips so he could shimmy your own pants down.

The heat of Steve's gaze ratcheting up even more now that you were down to just your bra and panties. You didn't feel self-conscious or focus on the flaws you always saw in the mirror. For the first time since Stephen, you felt beautiful in someone else's eyes. Steve was seeing you bor just as a mother. Not just as a friend, but as a woman.

Steve descended back on you with the same hunger you showed him. Quickly tearing apart the rest of your clothing and exposing your most intimate places. His eyes darkened and a deep groan came from his chest. Before either of you could speak you wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him down to kiss you. Both of you letting yourself succumb to your desires.

Your hands slowly moved to his hips, catching both his jeans and his boxer briefs and pushing them down in one go. Finally feeling Steve completely bare against you. Skin on skin. The weight of his big thick cock sliding against your wet cunt making you needy.

You needed to feel him inside you. Needed to feel that delicious stretch. His fingers toying with your nipples already had you starting to tingle. It had been so long, and you didn't realize how much you missed being touched and kissed. How much you missed the feeling of being well fucked.

That's exactly what Steve Rogers made sure you were that night. Not stopping until he had made you cum at least 3 times before you went home to the compound. Of course you were so sensitive that he had you cumming with his first full thrust into you.

By the time the sun was starting to rise, you and Steve had been at it for hours before finally succumbing to a few hours of sleep in each other's arms. Your alarm, thankfully, making sure you still woke up before Vincent. Until you figured out whether this was a one-time thing you didn't want to get him involved. As far as he needed to know, Uncle Steve was still just Uncle Steve.

However, by the time the next evening rolled around, after showing Vincent all the photos and things you had picked up from the Sanctum, you hated yourself for what you had done. Even if he was gone, you still felt like you betrayed Stephen. So why did you want to do it again if you felt so terrible? Why was it all you could think of that night when you tried to sleep? Or what you found yourself daydreaming about it the shower?

You still loved Stephen with all of your heart and would give anything to have him back, but Steve had reawakened a part of you thought had died with Stephen. Up until that day, you had never even fantasized about anyone else. Just Stephen. It had been years since the blip. You had been pregnant when you lost Stephen. Now you had a dark-haired little toddler running around. He adored his Auntie Nat and Uncle Steve. He was happy even if he didn't have his real father.

You wanted him to have a fully rounded life, and now that he was almost 5, it wouldn't hurt for him to have a father figure. To see his mother happy and loved. There would never be another Stephen, but maybe you could be happy with Steve. Stephen would want you to be happy, right? Maybe you could be a little family unit together. Even though your whole heart could never belong to Steve, you could give him part of it. Maybe that was all you could ask for.

You found yourself confiding in Nat. Needing to share the guilt you felt and hear everything you were thinking said out loud. Of course, you would take into account whatever advice she had to offer, but it was more that you desperately needed to share the thoughts that were eating at you.

After spilling everything, you noticed her face was unchanged. Your brows furrowed as you saw the mischievous glint in her eyes and her biting at her bottom lip to keep from smiling. As you figured out exactly why she was holding back a grin, you buried your face in your hands.

"Ugh… Steve already told you we slept together, didn't he?"

A snort came from the redhead, well half redhead half blonde. Already confirming your suspicions.

"I caught him sneaking out of your bedroom the other day, and you know how terrible he is at lying. It wasn't exactly hard to connect the dots."

Her smile faded when she saw the tears forming in your eyes. She came over to where you were sitting and pulled you into a tight hug. Starting to rock you back and forth when she heard your soft cries.

"I know how much you still love Stephen, and so does Steve. He's not expecting you to just forget about him. He knows how important he was to you. Stephen knew how much you loved him, and he would want you to feel love even without him. For yourself just as much as for Vincent. He wouldn't have sacrificed himself if he didn't. We all lost people, and we are all still hurting, but you deserve good things in your life. You deserve to feel happy and even find love again. Whether or not that is with Steve is between the two of you. You can't keep punishing yourself for what happened. None of us can. Maybe we all just need to finally move on. "

You both sat in silence, holding each other close. Thanking the powers that be that even after losing the love of your life, you had found a best friend to help keep you sane. Both of you slowly sinking to the edge of sleep, drifting between the present world and the dreamworld where Stephen still visited you. Only for you to be snapped awake by the sound of knocking and a vaguely familiar voice.

You cracked one eye open and found the security camera for the front door to be the cause of the disturbance. What you saw made your heart jump into your throat. Sticking his face right up into the camera was a man you knew only from his picture, the one that was displayed on the same board as Stephen's after the snap. It was the face of Scott Lang, who had supposedly been blipped 5 years ago along with the others.

Without looking away from the screen you shook Nat awake. Sure that if you looked away from the screen he would disappear, either as a figment of your own imagination or a hallucination. You couldn't even form words to communicate properly until Nat realized what you were seeing.

"Oh my god! Is that… Scott?"

"Nat, is that live? That's not video, right? How is that real?"

She bolted up from the couch and over to the monitors. Double checking the feed to make sure it was, in fact, live and that everything checked out. Making sure she followed all safety protocols before opening the door.

"I have no idea, but go get Steve, and you may want to put some coffee on. If this is real, it's gonna be a long night."

--------------------------------

Vincent loved having Scott there, and Scott was great with him. Showing him all sorts of card tricks and close-up magic. He was almost more goofy, big brother than anything. Even as the rest of the group started to trickle back into the compound, brought back together by Scott's time heist plan, Scott was still the cool one. With the exception of Rocket, because even close-up magic can't beat talking raccoon.

You listened from the dining area at your son and his new friends gathered in the living room. All eyes on the toddler as he colored. Various coloring books and crayons scattered on the table being used by Scott, Rocket, Bruce, and Nebula. You and Steve were busy setting out plates and silverware while Nat and Clint had begun retrieving enough take out food to feed an army. Thor was asleep on the couch.

"Mommy says my daddy could do magic. He's not here to show me though, he disappeared with lots of other people. Maybe you and my uncle Wong could teach me how to do magic, and I can bring them all back? Then mommy won't be sad anymore."

You could see Scott glance at you over Vincent's shoulder. Trying not to draw attention to the fact that he knew you were listening. The tears quickly blurred your vision before you moved to wipe them away. Scott didn't want to overstep his boundaries, not having known you or Vincent very long, but he knew he needed to say something to comfort the boy. He continued before Scott could say anything.

"I know mommy has me and Auntie Nat and Uncle Steve. She says her and Uncle Steve are special friends now, and sometimes he stays with her at night, but I know she still misses Daddy. Sometimes at night I hear her crying and it makes me sad that she's sad. I want to help make her feel better. Plus, I wanna meet Daddy. He sounds really cool."

Well now that your son had outed you and Steve to all of the other Avengers in the room. You felt very much on display, like an exposed raw nerve. No one wanting to make eye contact with you except Steve and Nat. All feeling a little guilty at having left you knowing now that you still cried yourself to sleep most nights, at least the ones you weren't taking solace in Captain America's arms.

From the living room once more, you catch Scott trying to communicate silently with you. After some eyebrow wiggles and hand gestures, you figured out he wants to tell Vincent about the time heist plan. You assume not everything as Vincent is only 4, but just the fact that they have a plan to try. You figure what the hell, he's bound to notice all the commotion starting around the compoundanyways.

Maybe it would be best to tell him, especially since it had already been decided the two of you would go to the Sanctum while the heist and ensuing fight was happening. It would be the safest place physically for you to be. Even if mentally, you weren't so sure. If it worked and Stephen did come back, you would have a lot less to explain. If it didn't work though, would your son's heart be broken just like yours? You weren't sure you could handle that.

After a few more seconds of thinking, you give Scott a little nod. Giving him the go-ahead to share the plan with Vincent. Who is he gonna tell anyway?

"Can you keep a secret? It's an Avengers only secret. So if I tell you it means you're an official Avenger, okay? We have a plan to try and bring everyone back, but we need someone to make sure your mom stays safe while we do. So maybe we can put you in charge of protecting your mom for us? Nat says she's always getting into trouble, and we have to make sure to keep her safe for your dad. Plus, I wanna meet your dad too. He does sound cool. If he's anything like you, then he'll be really cool."

"I've met him. Not that cool. Right Banner? Now, what's this you were saying about your mom and uncle Steve?"

Tony Stark was always one to make an entrance, Rhodey not far behind him, and ultimately you were happy to have his sarcasm change the energy in the room back to a more playful one. Tony tilted his sunglasses down and gave your son a little 6 show him he was teasing. The same look he always gave Steve when he was giving him shit, which he had managed to do oh so quickly. Your son's giggle breaking the tense air around you as Tony clutched his chest and exaggeratedly gasped at the scandalous reveal.

You had to laugh at the way Steve rolled his eyes. You knew he wasn't one to kiss and tell, let alone when you were still another man's wife. Even if that other man had been blipped years ago by a mad titan. You weren't officially a thing, but you weren't not a thing either. Truthfully, you both had yet to figure out exactly what you were for each other.

You were surprised when you felt a hand on your shoulder and looked ovet to see Clint. A shell of who he had been. Deep black circles under his eyes, a mohawk, and a plethora of new tattoos. Having lost his wife and his kids you knew he had struggled to make it this far. He offered you a tight lipped half smile. A smile that said I know your pain, and in the case you knew that he really did know.

"I know it's not exactly the same, but speaking as someone who also lost a spouse you still seem to handling it much better than me. I know everyone lost people, but you really got a raw deal. You're doing a great job, mom."

You hadn't realized Nebula had left the living room until she chimed in as well. Her monotone voice doing nothing to hide her feelings as she spoke.

"He is right. You are a good mother. Even if his father is dead. He is happy and loved. That's all I ever wanted… to be loved."

You knew she meant it nicer than it sounded. She was just very blunt. You wanted to say something back to her. To tell her that she is loved. You wanted to hug her, but knew that probably wasn't the best thing. Instead settling for reaching out to put your hand on hers as she went to grab a plate. Her breath hitching and her body jumping lightly at even that friendly gesture.

You squeezed her hand in yours and gave her a little smile and a nod whispering a silent thank you. Letting go before she had the chance to return the nod, not wanting to pressure her into responding further. Your smile growing when a soft "You are welcome" fell from her lips. Excusing yourself so you could go get Vincent as well as wake up Thor, and she could start plating her food.

After everyone got their food and the plotting of how and where to find all the infinity stones began, you and Vincent began planning for your own adventure. Packing all that you would need for an extended stay at the Sanctum. Making sure you had everything important accounted for. The time heist and potential following battle could go any number of ways, you and Vincent had to be prepared for anything. No matter what happened.

So you packed your belongings and started the process of moving yourselves back to the place that for years had been your home. The Sanctum Sanctorum. Now, it just felt haunted and empty. Moving yourself and Vincent into new bedrooms and not daring to even open the door to the master bedroom you and Stephen once shared.

Vincent was enjoying helping build the time machine however he could. Even just carrying tools or supervising. The time passed quicker than you would have hoped, and before long, the big day was staring down at you. Wong had made sure you were all settled in by then.

You and Steve had spent what, if all went according to plan, would be your final night together. He promised you that they would succeed, whatever it took. They would set the world right. That they would do it for you and for Vincent.

It would be your job to throw the switches and start the time machine that would scatter the Avengers throughout time and across all corners of the universe. Then Wong would take you and Vincent to the Sanctum before leaving to gather the forces of the Kamar-Taj and the other Sanctums.

One by one all of them gave Vincent a high five, a fist bump, or a hug as they climbed up onto the platform. Nat was the last one up, other than Bruce who checked all the settings one last time.

You noticed an odd look in her eyes as she hugged you so tight you could hardly breathe. From the corner of your eye, you saw her slip two sealed envelopes into Vincent's Captain America backpack. Kneeling down at eye level and making him promise to keep you safe. Telling him how proud she was of him before kissing the top of his head and joining the others.

After Steve finished his signature Captain America speech, you told Vincent to go stand back on the other side of the room with Wong. To make sure if anything went wrong, he would be protected. Starting your countdown once he was at a safe distance.

"Three… two… one… God speed."

As soon as the shockwave had cleared and all of them had disappeared, you checked the machine's settings against the paper Bruce and Scott had given you. Making sure everything looked stable and the platform was ready for their return. Starting the countdown clock ticking. It should only be five minutes in your time before they all returned.

Wong had already opened the portal to the Sanctum and sent Vincent through as you looked around at the Avengers compound one more time. On some level you knew that it was the last time you would see it. You didn't know what was coming next, but you knew there was no turning back now.

And so you stepped through the gold glimmering portal into the grand foyer of the Sanctum Sanctorum. Once again your home. For better or for worse. Giving Wong a hug and a thank you before sending him off to ready the other sorcerers for battle.

For now, your job was just to take care of your son. The only job you had really cared about for the last five years. Taking his small hand in yours and leading him into the dining room. While the others searched for the stones that could bring your husband back, dinner was the top priority on your list. For Vincent, you had to keep up a semblance of normalcy, even if every fiber in your body felt like it wanted to go hide under the bed.

All you could do was wait and hope…

--------------------------------

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lil-spider · 1 year ago

Text

So Damn Pretty

Chapter 8

Part 7 : Part 9

Pairing: Johnny Slaughter X Female Reader

Summary: Johnny is sex starved and you’re very attractive, so attractive that he doesn’t want to kill you. Instead he finds ways to keep you around longer.

Note: I’m so freaking excited for the DLC, all new lore and voice-lines from Johnny! I can’t wait to explore the whole map, especially Johnny’s shack.

Warning: This is 18+ and please do not read if your sensitive to heavy descriptions of non/con and violence. Including bondage, blood, gore, assault, objectification and unsafe sex. For those who don’t mind, I hope you enjoy.

I follow him downstairs; no questions are asked, though I'm a little nervous.

He's waiting for me at the bottom of the steps. Not saying anything, he opens the basement door, slamming it open. I walk in timidly, and he saunters in, closing the metal door behind us. Now my nerves have really kicked in; my heart is beating out of my chest as he leads me to that room from this morning. Anxious thoughts erupt in my brain. Does he know I was spying on him? Am I in trouble? What's he got planned? Is he finally finished with me?

Johnny swings open the creaky wooden door. As before, he lets me walk as he shuts the door behind us. I hear the click of the latch. I look around the dingy, cold room. Sitting In the middle of the old mattress is that dreaded woman, still tied up and very nude. I can see her face now; she is beautiful with a very ample chest. Envy hits me as I look her over. Ive got a good pair myself; hers is much better.

She looks me over with an unimpressed look. “Who is she, Johnny!?’’ She asks while glaring at me, obviously threatened by my presence. I keep my mouth shut, tightly clenching my fists as my hatred for her grows.

"Shut it!" Johnny growls at her as he begins undressing, removing his muscle shirt, and unbuckling his pants. He takes off his belt and puts out his skinning knife for me to grab. “Keep it safe for me, darlin'.” I grasp the knife and clutch it tightly. Johnny kicks off his boots and eventually drops his jeans, letting out his semi-hardened cock.

I just stand there awkwardly, holding his knife, while my cunt pulses from nervousness and arousal. He smirks at me as I stare down at his cock. My body tingles at the sight of his nakedness, full of thick muscles and scars.

He saunters over to the woman, who is still sitting, looking bewildered at me. "On your keens." Johnny grunts at her, and she obliges, sending a lecherous smirk my way. Johnny roughly grabs her hair, pushing her face towards his cock. She cries out in pain while Johnny places his cock in her mouth, muffling her crying. He holds the back of her head as he fucks her throat. She gags and drools while keeping his rough pace.

She starts moaning around him as he lets her go at her own pace now. He places both hands on his hips as she starts sucking him off, licking him sloppily. Johnny groans, rolling his back, while thrusting into her willing mouth.

I watch, shaking in jealous horror. Is he punishing me? Making me watch this? The woman loudly moans around his cock like a whore, clearly overdoing it. But he keeps thrusting his cock deep into her sluty mouth.

I stand there clutching the knife, watching them like a clueless idiot. Johnny suddenly takes his cock out of her mouth and pushes her down. He hovers over her, grabbing her legs with his large hands, wrapping them tight around him, and slipping his cock inside her with ease. Wet sounds and moans echo through the room.

Tears drip down my face in rage; I have never felt this amount of anger before in my life. The more she moans, the more I subconsciously grip the knife tighter. Both of them are fucking like animals in front of me. Humiliating me. Johnny is outright betraying me.

I take a few steps forward, inching closer to them. Right now, all I hear is white noise. Time feels slower as I watch them. I make my way to the edge of the mattress. Johnny sits up, looking at me intently while still pounding into her. “Would you fucking leave!" The whore spat at me. The arrogance—she doesn’t deserve him.

I look at her stupid, fucking beautiful face before I drop to my knees and slam Johnny's knife in her stomach. She screams bloody murder as I pull the knife back out to start repeadly stabbing her—all of my pent-up frustration, my misery, everything I’ve been through. I take it out on her. Her screams hurt my ears; blood leaks out of her wounds. Johnny, still inside her, continues thrusting himself into the dying woman. He’s cheering me on and laughing while she’s bleeding out and crying, pleading with Johnny to help her. The blade was going in and out of her insides, almost like I was fucking her now.

I leave the knife in her stomach while I go to look at Johnny's face, ready to fight him, but instead he kisses me deeply with so much passion. Holding the side of my face gently, bringing me closer. He pulls his solid cock of the dying woman and climbs over me. I lay next to her as he quickly shoved my dress up to my neck, letting my breasts pop out, and ripped off my panties.

He kisses me deeper, shoving his tongue in my mouth while grinding his dick along my folds, sliding across my aching nub. I slide my bloody hands over his face and neck, grasping onto him. His eyes are so dark and intense that they send a shiver down my back while making my pussy throb.

Johnny lines himself up at my entrance, pushing in. I dig my nails into Johnny's arms as he stretches out my walls. The woman’s blood soaks the mattress and my clothes, leaving the room smelling of sex and iron.

While he maintains my hips steady, pistoning his huge cock in and out of me, the woman vomits up her blood, dying horribly slowly.

"S-such a good fucking girl.” He moans into my ear as I squeeze around him. He licks my hard nipples, sucking on them. I slide my hands to his neck, gripping on his long hair and moaning his name. His cock fills me perfectly, always hitting that certain spot that makes me whine and shiver.

I just ruthlessly stabbed another human being, and now I'm panting and groaning as I'm constantly filled with fat cock while she dies. I'm not sorry about it. I feel wonderful, like if I simply squished a small insect.

Johnny flips me over, manhandling me up on my knees. He shoves his cock back in, fucking me from behind. I whimper fervently as he pushes my head down and slams his hips against my ass. It's too intense; I grit my teeth while holding on to the mattress for dear life

"J-johnnnyyy!" I cry trying to keep up with him.

I shift my eyes to the dying woman. Tears fall as the light slowly leaves her eyes, becoming a still corpse. A rough finger suddenly rubs over my clit, I shut my eyes as my orgasm hits me hard and fast. I shove my hips back, wiggling as I start feeling overstimulated. Johnny, pressing hard on my sore clit, chases his orgasm, letting his thrusts get sloppy until he pushes all his weight on me, holding me down while spilling his seed inside me. I whined at the odd sensation of his cock pumping out his cum.

Johnny holds me, pulling me up in his lap to hug me tight. “I’m so fucking proud of you.” He murmers, leaving a kiss on my neck.

“W-what?” I ask him, confused and exhausted.

“You’re part of the family now, no one can hurt ya’.” He kisses me again as I freeze up. Was this his plan? To force me to kill?

“Don’t get all upset now, sweetheart; I did ya’ a favour, and look, you didn’t even fuckin’ hesitant killin’ her. You’re a natural.” He explains this to me while I sit in silence, trying to figure out my feelings. Having blood on my hands.

Johnny scoops me up as he stands, placing me on my feet as he goes to redress. I wiggle my dress back down and try to fix my messy hair. Johnny pulls the knife out of the woman's stomach and cleans it with his shirt. He extends his hand to me, and I take it. He leads us out of the room, heading back upstairs to the dining table, where everyone is waiting.

“T-t-took ya’ long enough!” Nubbins complained loudly.

“Did she do it?” Drayton asked, looking at Johnny keenly, awaiting his answer.

Johnny grins, nodding his head. Rowdy cheers of laughter are let out. Sissy comes up to give me a big hug. "I told you'd have nothin' to worry bout', silly." I hugged her back, feeling a little ecstatic about being accepted.

We sit at the table. Johnny sits across from me and smiles broadly. It's a real, genuine smile, and it's breathtaking. The tiny butterflies in my tummy have returned, fluttering away. I remain feeling joyous throughout supper.

After finishing dinner, Sissy offered to do all the cleaning so I could relax. So Johnny uses this opportunity to take me outside and walk us together through the sunflower fields. It’s dark, but the bright moon lights the surrounding area. He takes me through our usual trail leading to the car junkyard.

“I’m impressed, darlin'; you got over killin' her pretty dang quick.” Johnny admits.

“I hope she rots in hell.” I respond back snarkily, making Johnny burst out laughing. We reach the junkyard, and he stops and turns to me.

“I knew from the very start that you would be perfect to be my missus.” Johnny reveals this to me with a confident smirk, wrapping his hands around my waist. In response, I grasped his face, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

He groans into the kiss, squeezing my ass hard with both hands. He picks me up and carries me over an old, broken-down car, laying me on the hood. He pushes my dress back up for the second time tonight, exposing my nude body. He places a knee between my legs and starts sucking on my right breast while massaging the other.

I groan and grind myself on his knee as he leaves hickeys over my chest. He presses his knee harder into me, providing sweet relief as he sucks my nipples till they harden. Tugging his teeth on them. I embarrassingly squeal when he bites.

Johnny tears away and pulls out his knife from his belt. I held my breath as he pointed his knife under my chin, dragging it slowly down my neck and between my breasts. He stops in the middle, right underneath my chest, and begins slicing his name deeply into my soft skin, making sure it scars.

I close my eyes, moaning in pain. He takes his sweet time carving into me. Branding me as his, like cattle. After it’s done, Johnny puts his knife back and bends forward to lick up the blood. Cleaning the wound. He drags his tongue downward, leaving a trail of saliva. He goes over my stomach, holding my spread legs apart while he continues south.

He bites into my thighs, leaving teeth marks embedded in the flesh. “Ah!” I winced. He replaces the bites with soft kisses while squeezing the fat in his hands as he holds them down, exposing my cunt to him.

He glides his tongue over my clit, licking it. I gasp at the sensation of him playing with my nub, pressing his hot tongue along it. He hums as he slides two fingers inside me, finger-fucking me as he sucks on my clit.

I arch my back and squeeze my chest, pinching my nipples as he licks slow circles on my pulsing clit. His dark eyes stare up, watching me attentively as I become a moaning mess, desperate for an orgasm.

Johnny speeds up his fingers while keeping slow swirls on my clit. I squeeze my thighs around his head as I reach my orgasm. “I’m cumming, I’m cumming!” I cry out, grinding into his fingers. He delves deep, pulling them out, replacing his fingers with his tongue as he devours my juices. I whine pitfully as the sensation becomes too much.

"Please, no more Johnny, please, baby." I beg him as my thighs shake. He pushes himself up, wiping his mouth as his hair messily covers his face. My cheeks heat up as he looks me over, having a shit-eating grin on his handsome face. I sit up, trying to stand on my wobbly legs. He pulls my dress down, patting the dust and dirt off me.

"Come on, let's go. I left my cigs back at the house." He tells me as he slicks his hair back into his usual style.

We start walking back, but I'm moving too slowly for his liking, so he decides to carry me, surprising me as he picks me up effortlessly, making my dress ride up, exposing my ass, to which he slaps very hard.

"Such a good girl," he says cheekily, adjusting his hands so he can hold my ass while carrying me. Too tired to care, I just snuggle into his warm neck and chest.

#johnny slaughter #texas chainsaw game #texas chainsaw massacre #the texas chainsaw massacre #johnny slaughter art #johnny slaughter x reader #johnny slaughter fanfic #tcm fanfic #texas chainsaw massacre fanfiction #fanfics #fanfiction

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mihwee · 2 years ago

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hi... ive been eyeing ur list recently...

why is raffaelo on the waiting list for so long im gonna froth at the mouth PLEASEE

Anyways... will you a m!top!reader oneshot w raffaelo (the villainess is a marionette) hehehe... but please include lace/lingerie. also, slight dirty talk? Thanks~

"Such a good fucking boy"

Bottom!Raphael x Top!Male!Reader.

s.y.s: (i forgot sypnosis arent the characters thoughts 💀) rafaello wears a feminine cloth that can barely cover any of his body parts as per your request. I guess your puppy eyes were just so irreristible to him. He trusts you this much to humilliate himself this way;; he guesses. — Feeling bashfull with Milky skin on display, he averts your prying gaze that already seems to be fucking the life out of him.

TAGS: feminization, Lace, Lingerie, (Bra,Thong, And Thigh-highs. Dont ask me where u got it from u just got it LMAOO) Anal sex, blowjob (receiving), Groping, praise kink, PRAISE KINK in all capitals Etc. Explicit smut. (Rafaello's extra sensitive) u kinda lick his ears lmao , Missionary

WARNING: EXPLICIT NSFW and cursing (reader has a pp 👍) raph has implied mysophobia but isnt disgusted when it comes to yew (ik ik cliche)

Setting: Raphaels office, midnight

MINORS 13 AND UNDER DNI IN GEN. MINORS UNDER 16 DO NOT REQUEST.

Hi hi back again~

nd, .emno! Lmfaoo my bad

I completley forgot about it anyways... im here to serve nonetheless. Plus muscular men in feminine clothing makes me go crazy...IM SERIOUSLY NOT JOKING i was js so busy and caught up with shs i forgot ever creating public fics of fucking these manhwa dudes (euntae hwang u r not safe even if ur webtoon alrdy ended)

I also made a broken ring reference~ lets see if u can find it yessir

"Come on raphael, dont be wary of me." You spoke, voice tinged with delight. Raphael coudnt help but shudder. He feels so... exposed. So vulnerable. He averts his gaze to avoid your prying eyes, taking up every inch of his figure. "You can take that robe off." You leaned in, whispering close to the ends of his ear.

"Yes.. y-yes i know.. just give me a second." He managed to mutter out. Trapped between the figure of your body and the ends of his oak wood desk. Raphael felt his breath hitch as he tried to compose himself, unsure of why he even dolled himself up in such shamefull clothes.

He scrunched his eyesbrows, his face hot from the heat. his fingers managed to get ahold of the robes tie. Untying it with need as you snuggled your face deep into the crook of his neck. Your hands firm on the desk hes sitting on.

As he managed to loosen the ties, your eyes immediately went to take a look on the brallete. Hugging his firm chest that looks so out-of-place. The straps of the bra digging onto his broad shoulders and cupping his tits awkwardly. Then... to his cock. Laying inside a thin piece of black fabric that he wanted to hide by squeezing his thighs. Also covered in a translucent piece of fabric, digging onto the flesh of his legs.

This is quite the dream, you snickered. Your hands aching with need to palm every inch of his body. What is there to hide? You hummed. His face clear of pure embarassment. Waiting for a response as he clenched his fist.

"Dont...dont just stare." He managed to speak. Barely above a whisper. And quite unlike of him. A sought out bachelor of the empire, and a Proud knight. Wearing such things, doing... such things. He felt himself burn with even more embarassment. Yet he feels a odd sense of comfort, it doesnt feel disgusting when you touch him. He presumes. It.. doesnt feel bad at all. And it made him ache, ache to finally Touch and love someone without feeling like you've got shit shoved down your throat.

You grinned a little, placing soft pecks on the corner of his neck. still not roaming your hands onto his tempting body.

He stiffled his breath a little, managing to keep his patience intact. Feeling so desperate and needy for the first time, that it made his skin burn. His lower abdomen fluttering, his eyes slightly widening as you kissed his earlobe. Putting soft pecks for him to remember and reminiscence for the rest of the week. Your hand snaking up gently and palming his thighs, the fabric soft under your touch.

"dont do that.. hah..." he breathed out, covering his mouth by his hand. "Why not?" You laughed. You breath hot against his ears.

"It.. it makes me feel strange." he muttered.

Yet you let out a soft giggle, tilting your head to lick and softly bite his ear under your teeth.

"But i havent done anything strange yet?"

"Ah..." raphael softly grunted, shaky as he saw your Cock tap his lip. His face red and hands clenched to a fist between his thighs. Raphael looked up at You, Unsure of what to do. Yet you just chuckled, "you dont need to if you dont want to. Sweetheart." Yet the raven stood his ground, firmly. "No.. no i can.. i will take it." He muttered. His hand reaching up to position your cock on the front of his lips. His hot breath evident on your tip. "We...hah...already reached this far." He mumbled. His eyes half lidded as he opened his mouth, enveloping your tip.

As seconds passed, raphael looked more frustrated. More and more the way he coudnt take your dick down to the base and envelop it fully, Yet you were always there to whisper sweet praises, so much, too much that it made him shudder. Raphael pants out, taking his mouth off your cock to catch his breath. And his rough hand taking the place, picking up pace as he jacked you off with a mix of precum and salivia.

The way you called for his name, your hand softly touching his hair as a way to plead him to keep going, to keep being so good for you. It made him feel all warm inside that he has never felt for another person. And maybe because you were letting him do what he wants to do, and not forcing him to it. "Just like that, Ah.. fuck." Your voice hitched, his teary red eyes looking up at you with a pleading expression.

His robe draped onto his muscular figure, his hand stroking your cock in sync with his mouth, what kind of heaven is this? And fuck. His plump lips that stretched around your cock drove you insane. It turned you on even more at the fact your conserved lover is also.. well quite enjoying this. By the fact that raphaels cock strained under the lacy thong.

"Raphael." You breathed out his name. You cock pulsating needily inside his mouth.

Raphael looks up at you with curiosity, stopping at his tracks as your cock made a dent onto his cheek. "Ah... fuckk..." you cursed.

"Come on sweetheart." You grunted, pulling him up from the ground and gently pushing him on the desk you were sitting on. And not even a moment later, raphaels needy expression, was soon eliciting sounds you were dying to hear.

His voice was quite low, husky and deep. Breathless even, still trying to process the thought of sucking your cock about 5 minutes earlier. "Haah...hah.." he moaned. Shuddering under your touch. Groping his thighs gently, feeling the untouched parts of his body THAT if you were a random person, he'd probbably be killing.

Raphael bit his lip. Feeling you lick up a stripe on his neck as you let his leg rest onto your shoulder. His low voice quite muffled as he felt your slick cock thrust against his clothed one. Feeling more turned on than ever.

You panted, stroking your cock a little as you pushed your fingers deep into your mouth. Prepping your fingers at his tight entrance. And yet, raphael felt himself harden at the sight. He whimpered. Anticipating from whats about to come next.

"Thats it, good boy. Breathe, in and out.." you murmured. Kissing him on the lips as you let your fingers circle around his tight rear. He choked as his legs bended, his knees shoulder level as he held onto you for dear Heavens.

Raphael let out a a uncomfortable moan, your first finger sliding in. Slowly by slowly, till it reached to your knuckle. He shifted, his ass clenching and unclencing awkwardly. "Shh, Stay still sweetheart. You wont be able to take all of me at this rate." You whispered. Laughing softly as you Licked and rubbed his ear under your teeth. Making him shudder in pleasure.

As your second finger went in, raphael let out a hitched whine. Feeling your two digits slowly pump in and out of him. Scissoring his insides with almost electrifying like prescision. The thong he was wearing was soaked, soaked with his precum and your own dick juice from earlier.

"Y-Y/N. Do not tease me any further. I will.. i cant.. i-.. nngh." Raphaels words were cut, cut into desperate breathless sentences. And that spurred you on even more, you cant take it anymore either. With one sigh, you leaned back and kissed his fabric-clad calf. His thong underneath your fingers as you pulled your digits out, making him whine at the loss.

Yet he gasped, another much more larger intruision teasing him. Teasing him at his very rear end. Raphael averted your gaze and bit his lip, hiding his eyes with his forearm. Bucking his hip onto thin air. Waiting, waiting so patiently for you to take him and fuck him with pleasure.

And, ofcourse, you didnt even have to think twice as you entered his tight ass. Grunting as he clenched snd unclenched rapidly. You were quite amused, the esteemed knights cock was already gushing with precum. Twitching badly. He was so sensitive it hurt. It hurt that it was so embarassing.

With another sigh, you began picking pace and thrusting your cock in and out with a gentle demeanor. "Good boy." You muttered, leaning in as you grabbed his legs. "Taking me in.. so well. So good for me." Raphael groaned. Drool leaking from his pretty lips as he whined. Still covering his eyes, unable to look at you with a perverse shame.

"Mmh....f-Fuckk.." his voice cracked, your cock hitting a sensitive bundle of nerves. His regal facade already crumbling before your eyes. And only replaced by a obedient slutty cutie.

Raphael bucked his hips upwards as you began picking up a faster pace. Holding onto his ankles or thighs, or anything at this point. "Nngh...nghhh..." he moans, feeling your cock pound into his ass relentlessly. But yet... such in a gentle manner.

" wanna cum deep inside of you sweetheart. " you whispered. Your hand snaking up to fondle his firm chest. "You want me to fill you the brim darling?" You chuckled, sending shivers down his spine as he shuddered in pleasure.

"I.. i dont know a-anymore. I. A.ahh.." he whimpered. "Ah, ah ah!" Raphael moaned even louder. Feeling your cock pump into his ass even harder, he was close. So fucking close to this unknown feeling once more.

And with one slightly forcefull thrust, raphaels eyes shot wide open. and his pretty mouth half open as a lewd broken string of moans accompanied his body, convulsing as you felt him tighten around you. Tighten so hard feeling as if your cock will get chopped off. White long ropes splattered onto his muscled abdomen, and onto his firm chest, staining his brallete translucent strokes of Cum.

And with the sight alone, you felt your cock pulsate with need. You immediatley leaned in to occupy his lips, and which he leaned back to eagerly. Riding the remnants of his orgasam off as he felt your own seed fill him. "Mmh..mhghm...mg y/n..y/n." He muttered your name, almost like a mantra. his voice tainted with the lewd sounds of sloppily salivia mixing together.

And with one final thrust, you both collapse on the hard oak wood desk. Catching your breaths as raphael clinged onto you. Still twitching as he tried to compose himself. He closed his eyes tight as he wrapped his legs aroumd your torso.

"Good boy." You grinned. Panting.

"Such a good fucking boy."

I got very determined to make this bc of this exact pic... (when i was looking for a fic banner lmao)

HIS TITS AND ABS AND WAIST UWAHHHH

IT LOOKS LIKE HES GETTING POUNDED FROM BEHIND I HATE MYSELF OH MY GOSHH such grabbable waist omg i wonder how no one ever thought of fucking this sweet thing 🙏🙏

ok good night hope u guys like that anyways 🙄

#top reader #top male reader #reader x character #seme reader #raffaelo kidrey #raphael kidrey #male reader #smut #lemon #fanfiction #fluff smut #manhwa #the villainess is a marionette #TVIAM #mihwee🐈‍⬛

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swaglet · 3 months ago

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One of the things that keeps me deep in ed is the fact that i hate having a "feminine body" I HATEEEEE having curves liek fucking hate it.

And the problem is no amount of weight loss will change the structure of my body so unfortunately I have to try to keep myself at a low weight to appear as if I have less curves.

Idk if you watched euphoria but rue (character played by zendaya) has my dream body she's so tall, skinny, "flat" like she looks "boyish" (i swear im not a creep 😭) and I so wanna look like that every time I wear something and see my curves pop out I wanna take a seesaw and just fucking remove them.

Whenever I discuss this w my friends they either tell me I'm humble bragging or they try to tell me that I'm non binary or some bullshit.

Like I jsut wanna have a slender body. Curves to me jsut make me look trashy and too "sexed up" I wanna look like a stick with no shape ffs

under a cut cos its kinda triggering material obvs and im yapping

oh nonnie this is exactly what kept me sick for so long too i'm so sorry to hear this is what you're going through as well :'( my mind always felt at ease when people told me i looked more like a little boy than a grown woman for reasons i'm sure we all have experienced at one time or another (COUGH misogyny and harassment and sexualization and objectification and and and)

i'm actually dealing with the fallout of it rn and it still messes with me mentally... 6 months ago i started birth control to stop my periods entirely to manage my pmdd and the excessive amount of blood i was losing during every period, and while my weight itself hasn't drastically changed at all (it stays within 5 pounds maintenance thanks to the lifting and protein usually i think), any of the body fat i DID has redistributed to make me even curvier than i was before. my boobs and ass are prominent parts of my figure now like they got HUGE compared to how they used to be (FLAT) and i have a small amount of new stretch marks on the inside of my thighs which means they must have gotten meatier and that checks out because a lot of my pantlegs and shorts feel tighter. literally because of that i almost relapsed so many times in the past 6 months but ive had the mental fortitude to just ignore the urge

what has helped me a lot is that, as i have gotten close to the people in my life that are related to my accomplishments that i am proud of (a lot of it having to do with college and my local music scene) and have become comfortable with opening up to them about feeling the way i do, almost all the women in my life have shared that they relate at least a little bit, but that my appearance and certainly not my weight or amount of curves i have don't bear any weight (pun intended) on determining how much they respect me, how talented they think i am, how good they think i am at my job/the things i do, how willing they are to work with me, and stuff like that. many of them have also offered me the advice that we only get one body, and there's only so much you can do to alter the natural shape of your body, and then within those limits there's only so much you can do that's healthy and won't disable you or damage your organs for the rest of your life, and it's unfortunate that men have made our bodies out to be this sexed object but we do really only have one shot at life and ultimately i think it's pointless trying to meticulously control how everyone around us perceives us. to be honest i have felt a lot better about it since i have been making less and less men as friends and making more women friends.

i want to say that curves, or any body shape, aren't trashy or too sexed up, they're just neutral forms that your body takes. you have little to no control over how your genetics and environment shape your bones and distribute your fat patterns aside from exercising in a way that keeps your body working and eating a nutritious diet to fuel you, so the shape of your body literally cannot have like. moral implications like trashy or slutty or sexed up or anything. i repeat that to myself when i look in the mirror every morning. my body is completely neutral no matter how it looks; my body is not the vessel that i, a formless brain, pilot around in the real world; my body is not a physical representation of me.. my body is just part of me, i am my body, my body is me, and anything my body looks like is how i look and that's how life is. i don't have to like how i look, i am allowed to be uncomfortable with it, but nothing is wrong with my body unless something physiologically about me is unwell (ex. joint pain, something is swollen or red, a medical issue basically) or is making me sick or unable to function. if it's something i can't control and can't change drastically without surgery or severely under- or overeating, like my boob size, butt size, thigh gap size, the shape of how my bones fit together and how my muscles and fat lays on top of the bones, then i just do the stupid therapy thing where instead of thinking negative thoughts i think a different thought and don't let myself ruminate on the negative ones i'm fixated on. for example, "my strong healthy non-starved body lets me play my trumpet very loudly and march strongly with force; underneath my gigantic ribcage is a gigantic set of lungs" or "my strong healthy non-starved body lets me go on bug hunts often without getting as tired and weak and needing to stop because now it's full of food that fuels me all day long and i eat like a cavewoman who was built to endurance hunt and gather trinkets all day" and one that i'm sure not many can relate to is "my healthy body lets me sweat now so i don't overheat and although sweating may be unpleasant and very uncomfortable it lets me know i'm alive and that my body is working correctly" and then i try my best to move on with my day

another thing i do is i pay A LOT of attention to the women around me who i look up to and respect; what do they look like? do i ever notice their weight or their curves and feel negatively towards them and have diminished respect towards them or feel disdain towards them? or do i feel a kinship with them if i do ever happen to notice, like "oh she is like me in that regard"? there has never been an instance where i have felt negatively about a woman in my life or lost any respect for her because of her shape, curves or no curves. i'm much more concerned about other things tbh, especially as i get older. idk how old you are nonnie, but in my experience it's very easy to be "boyish" anorexic when you're in your teens and like at the oldest 19 years old... even without synthetic female hormones (birth control) being added to my body, and even with a hormonal imbalance, at about 21 i started rly "growing up" and that's when i got hips and a little bit bigger boobs (still A cups nonetheless) and put on a bit of a belly pooch even when i was still way too underweight. those are just parts of a woman that exist on our bodies naturally and there isn't any judgement to be ascribed to them. every professor, every janitor, every coach, every grown 21+ student walking around my campus (and town!) looks like that regardless of what shape or size we come in. naturally underweight, naturally overweight, neither, curvy, blocky, straight as a board/fridge, regardless of what shape that's just how women are shaped i think. i wouldn't ever judge another woman for looking the way i look, i wouldn't judge another woman for her shape Ever, regardless of what i think her circumstances are, so by that logic i ought to apply that to myself.

another thing that brings me comfort, and you may not believe me with this one but im serious; nobody notices all the things you notice about yourself anywhere NEAR as much as you do. ppl who have known me for 4 years think im 120 pounds (i am 30 pounds heavier than that and they are always in disbelief when i tell them that) and always have no idea i have a small potbelly until i lift my shirt and show them. it's like one of my biggest insecurities in the world and literally no one knows or cares which is insane to me. if i ever get sad about it i tell myself that's where i keep my ovarian cyst at + all my air for when i sing/play instruments and it will go away with time as i get more gains and start eating right again

and nonny!!!!! "slender/stick with no shape" is still just as much of a shape as "feminine/curvy" ! male is not the default no matter how much society wants u to believe that i promise......... there is nothing wrong with the way women's bodies are this is how we have existed naturally for thousands of years since we first got here. our bodies are just as neutral as men's bodies are. it took me a long long time to feel this way about myself and about my body and about the human body in general and recovery is never linear, my outlook changes every day and i have good days and bad days and some days i absolutely just will not go outside because i don't want anyone to look at me. but those have been far and few between lately

i love u very much anon. food definitely tastes better than how skinny feels. living life freely feels better than looking perfectly skinny in an aesthetic outfit. aesthetic outfits are for 1 day. aesthetic outfits and a skinny slender form will be in pictures and they will only last in the pictures. i don't want to scare you but you will either die like that (very slowly) or you will get very unwell and realize you have to choose recovery and you will have to gain it all back slowly and you will have to choose yourself everyday. idk. i put myself through so much agony that i didn't have to go through and looking back on those pictures im thinking in my head. what was all that for? i felt better then but it's so scary to me now. i looked so sick it makes me so sad for little me. i wish she could have lived a life where she wasn't preoccupied with being perceived as a sex object and could have lived free like i do now. BUT WE THRIVE. I BELIEVE IN YOU NONNIE I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH

#>#askbox

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deathofethanro · 3 months ago

Text

wrote this while on bed, foaming at the mouth thinking about liquid IV, strawberry lemonade to be exact.

this isn’t a letter to cherish when you miss me, i feel it’s more introspective than adoration.

hence a hmtl, not something you hold dear but you can always conveniently acknowledge at any given space.

it’s full of love, only difference is my version of love. since age 13 I used to stand outside a door with a knife getting ready to stab somebody i love over somebody else i love if i needed. i use to scam some of my own best friends that i loved out of money to be able to eat. i use to lie to girls growing up that i held feelings for, made them believe and play them right in their face. i weaponized sex as a way to get what i want, i’ve prostituted my body which led to incidents of sexual assault that I still can’t shake. i’m the most selfish person i’ve ever come across and there’s not a single day i don’t think of killing myself over it. Until I met you, then it went to biweekly maybe.

i feel so guilty for this week i had without you.

I believed fully I could live without you and that’s what ate me up the most. the cigarettes, the alcohol, the borderline tendencies. i was missing any drugs i could get my hands on cheap sex and self-harm to really bring october full circle but i made a promise to you to never hurt myself ever and I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anybody else because (well how could i, imagine eating at the worlds best steakhouse for months and then ending up at the checkers-popeyes-dunkin) i knew that would be the thing, the one thing that would ensure you wouldn’t come back. I think i was spiraling inside worse than any month before because deep down i knew i was out of my mind.

Out of my mind i let the most beautiful girl get away. and i just couldn’t own up to it, which is the worse fucking part. you fled the state and here i was saying in the mirror I could live without the Rachel Elizabeth Pickney.

Ethan and Rachel until forever, and I told you in your face I wanted to dismember you and meant it. I haven’t hated myself quite like I hated myself this week. I woke up hating the person i saw in the mirror. Hated my upbringing. Hated the way my parents fucked me over my entire life. Hated the zip code that scarred me. Hated my mental construct because why can’t i love you the way you deserve. At work when assigning a caregiver for our clients we find the perfect match set up on schedule indefinitely and close out the case, and everything keeps running always. Why couldn’t that be us.

Why can’t i autopilot love you until my lungs give out.

I’ve never felt more scared to be alone than i was this week. Not figuratively it actually felt like half my body was chopped off and everybody around me was acting as normal. I told Lauren the hardest part of grief isn’t the love Q train delay it’s the normalcy in the world while you’re suffering. it only feels like you. Why is everybody around me giggling and laughing when all i’m doing is feeling pure numb. Why doesn’t the world stop because mine feels like it? Makes me question — have I ever been wished ill in somebody else’s time of need?

i didn’t want to get back together with you because I know i don’t deserve you. I don’t in a million years deserve you. I bpd hated you for saying you don’t deserve me but here i am in new york real time telling you i know i don’t deserve you.

How could I? Your purity in the world. This iphone flashlight mistakenly turned on in pocket that follows anybody else around, you bring light to everybody around you. Calling you gorgeous is one thing but I think i only knew what attraction meant when it woke up next to me and made me the doubt the credibility of existence. I stopped romanticizing the afterlife because it was you im staring at, it would never get better than this. the only time i felt love like yours was on the day i was born and met my mother for the first time.

I still don’t see a universe where we don’t end up together.

You left such a mark on me it’s less of a sharpie and more a stab wound. I was a completely different person before you. If i let you leave completely i’d be an even worse version of that person 2. but here i am inconveniencing you. i’m again the most selfish person i met. i need you in my life rachel. i can’t be alone. how could i possibly be alone after you. i don’t mean alone in the way of another body next to me. i mean you. i cant live my life without you next to me in an intimate way. i said it before in our last texts i can’t stand to be just your friend. im going to want to over step every single time. i’m going to kiss you everytime. im going to want to grab your hand anytime we’re walking down the same street and move you to the building side. im going to see you in every possible thing during the day. i’m going to want to have sex with you everytime. i’m going to see you hang out with you get dinner maybe a hug before we leave and go home and touch myself to the thought of you.

How am i supposed to orgasm if it’s not through you. Our energies are synonymous, who am i to change that.

I don’t understand myself. and i fear it’s going to be like that for a while. As per Kevin, It would be nice to have somebody there with me while i serve my sentence. I want to be better. I don’t know how. But i know I want to learn with you around.

i dont want to be your boyfriend again. Key word again. I don’t want to lose myself to a title and lose the essence of myself. I do hate myself but I love myself. I hate new york but i do love new york. I can’t lose myself because that would mean all of this is for nothing. I’m very overprotective of myself because truthfully i’ve never had anybody care about me as much as me. I wish I could switch bodies with you for a day (prolly play with myself immediately tbh) just so you can bro through the archives of everything i’ve been through. stuff that i wouldn’t know where to begin to say with you, stuff that i make jokes to cover up but deep down want to shed tears anytime i think back on it too hard, stuff that make me believe the frontal lobe had its last phone carrier update due to having mature at the youngest age possible. Me and this old body of mine have been through a lot these 21 years and he deserves having somebody give him the upmost attention: which is why i’m here with you.

I want to date you fully again moving forward but I really need an emphasis on our own upbringing.

I want us to both bring the best of each other. I want to be able to do everything we talked about. I want to hold you closer than before and let you breathe even more. I want to give therapy a try. I want to go to church more often with you. I want to stop eating so much fast food and start cooking you more meals. I want to start focusing on parts of our body more in the gym. i want to delete instagram with you. I want to practice sobriety with you. I want to start focusing more on music. I want to start incorporating friends more in our own lives. I want you to be able to fall back in love with your passions and entertain it by dabbling inside yours. I want to watch your niche indie black and white films. I want to write songs about you in front of you and watch you fall in love with my first love before you.

There’s so much more we haven’t touched in our old relationship. I don’t want us to pick up where we left off, i want a new everything. a new anniversary date of the 24th. a new and healthier connection. i want the clinton hill residence all to the way to dying in your arms. i’m selfish after all, i need my last breath on this earth to be in your arms.

But before anything you need to know i’m not perfect. I will fuck up. I will hurt you and myself in an effort to love you. I might make a joke that doesn’t hit home. I might give cigarette withdrawal another go and scare you into oblivion with the thoughts i try so hard to oppress. So much can happen from the typing of this to whichever time period you look back on. I could be dead for all we know. I could lose myself— I could go through trauma that the Ethan Ro you know and love just isn’t the same. But i want to better for you. and i want you to better to.

in order for our relationship to prosper fully i do need the following from you.

you are the most perfect, angelic girl but you do have cracks that affect me heavily. Both with BPD and just naturally, I need you to not be insecure. I need you to watch how you address problems. I need you to want to communicate to me the second you feel something wrong. I need you to understand I never come out of a place of malice when i ask you to do something. I care so much about your safety both with me and not with me. I do have my mental battles but i’ll never ask for something w negative connotations because I have that. I do need a yes from you anytime i ask you to do something with zero defense. I don’t need you walking around eggshells but with BPD i do need you to always watch what and how you say things. I know you’ll never come out of a place of hatred but the message gets blurry when it’s a mental illness always out to get me. I don’t like how mean you get when you’re overstimulated. I don’t like how you get when you’re drinking. I don’t like how emotional and to yourself you get when i don’t feel the same on certain topics. I need for you to start being upset and dealing with it in a less aggressive manner. Please do not get offended when I say I need my space whether it’s not wanting to call to not wanting to see you. I always have your best interest in mind, with that said if i can’t b at 100%, whether it’s being sleepy or not feeling super social, I won’t bother with any request. (not in a serious way but need you to cook for me more it’s a huge ISO OF MINE, all this is serious but this plsssss hold down for the boys back home)

I didn’t break up with you the first time because of these problems or any problems with you, but they did play a role in telling me it’s time to go. I dont ever want to be in that mindset again, please play your part in correct behaviors as such. I need you to want me and willing to work through every issue to continue wanting me. I want to be the perfect boyfriend for you — even once more than before, please allow me to do that without ever having road bumps in front of me.

It’s all not one sided- I have my own anchor spreadsheet of things I very well need to work on. As well things i want to hear from you that you want me to do better. I want to marry you Rachel and with that comes being the perfect man for both you and our children. I’m a work in progress trust but i promise i will make you the happiest ever with a ring on your finger in a beautiful home with Cherri Sebastian Elliott and Lucia.

please just believe in me. and i’ll believe in you.

promise you’ll never leave and i’ll make that promise to you too.

i love you Rachel Elizabeth Pickney and i promise to show you it even heavier everyday. Please do me the favor of being my girlfriend again until the day i can make you not my girlfriend yet again. because that time around it’ll be with you being my wife.

Ethan Ro, but also David Rojas <3

PS - I didnt tell you but I made a deal with some guy on craigslist that looked pretty sketch but I still did it. I met up with him around Mrytle and he showed me the future and other realities and in every one we’re together happy until the end. different skin pigments. different religions. different appendages. different zip codes. different chromosomes. so don’t sweat us ever. i’m yours and your mine until the very end. it’s already written.

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domjaehyun · 3 months ago

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okay here we go, part 4….

first of all, i will never get tired of their push and pull antics. i love the burn of how jealous hyuck can be but at the same time oc makes sure she puts him in his place. he doesn’t own her but deep inside they know he does 🙂‍↕️ it’s interesting how hc “tries” to reason out that he can’t come to her or not flirt with his gf because he doesn’t realize that oc really has the upper hand here even if he’s the “determined” one.

i also agree with the other ask that there’s a pure difference between the smut scenes of jn and hc. usually when someone commits adultery, the 3rd party gets the meaningless s/x however, hc gives that much passion to her in comparison to jn who purely likes her. i guess i see it in a way they really do have a deeper connection with each other. cause im sure as hell oc enjoyed that s/x with jn but with hc, they know how well to please eo and as ive said, connection. it was burning as hell.

(i hope this makes sense lol i was having a hard time gathering my thoughts so i couldn’t formulate the right words to explain what i felt with part 4 🥲)

can i also just say… you have perfectly picked hc with the role. not that i picture him as an adulterer of course but hc’s aura screams passion. he’s serious, shameless, and playful all at once. i love how you shaped the character that you want to love but it’s against your morals 🙂‍↕️

overall, i enjoyed this part so much. you did it. AGAIN. !!!! 🥳 i may or may not enjoyed the smut too much….. IT WAS SO GOOOOOOOOD 🤤🤤

i love all your hc characters so much 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ also update i met dreamies last weekend!!!! haechan looks divine in real life 🙂‍↕️🩵

my darling i am (politely) smooching you on the cheek rn I LOVE LONG MESSAGES i only ever get proper time to dedicate to answering them on days when i’m off so im sorry for holding onto these for so long but HERE WE GO :D

yeah HAECHAN REALLY HAD SOME NERVE but also he always has nerve. dare i say almost too much nerve. that’s precisely why they’re in this predicament in the FIRST PLACE !!! i love that you see that even though he’s the persistent one, he really is following her lead she’s giving him signs she barely even knows she’s giving him and for the most part,,,,, he’s very in tune with her and how she thinks and behaves and . to be loved is to be understood :3

YAY i’m glad you saw the difference too i was struggling bc i wanted the sex w jeno to be good but for the sex with haechan to be like. better. like yes they fulfilled her physical needs but with haechan there was an emotional fulfillment as well that she didn’t get from jeno :P

(you’re making perfect sense dont you worry your cute lil head)

THANK YOUUUUUU HE IS SOOOO PASSIONATE I LOVE HIM he just says everything with his chest like i admire that i think i write him and give him some characteristics i wish i had like his level of shamelessness . his whimsy. his audacity JFGKJLSGKJL no but genuinely i wish i was as bold as i write him to be bc. those are the go getters of society they know what they want and they’ll do like whatever it takes to get it :D

THANK YOU MY LOVE :D hehehehe im glad you liked the smut :D i did too :’)

THANK YOU THANK YOU me too he’s a charming individual :D AND YOU MET MET THEM!?!?!?!?!!? OR LIKE SAW THEM IN CONCERT???? he does when i saw him at the last dream concert i started crying bc he was so beautiful :’)

#answered #hyucksaint #love 💖

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year ago

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. ive got such a long list of reasons to be bitter and fed up and angry. i have so much pain within me. sometimes i feel like pain, deep, deep, sorrowful pain, mourning, grief, anger, a desperate need to stop feeling suffocated is what i know best. and u know as much as i think all thats justified and as much as i think my anger is important for my sanity , and as much as tbh i like by this point to an extent that my over it little tolerance for bullshit angry kinda agressive vibe is a part of my personality - that my bitterness is earned and aged like fine win. but idk, i have tired to rein it in these last months progressively bc it was consuming me and my nervous system literally couldnt handle it

but. something i still havent figured out how to deal w is my very, very, very bad case of survivors guilt. maybe its gotten a bit better but that makes me feel guilty too. it always does. i try not to let it haunt me but It Always done it haunts me that its somehow not supposed to consume and haunt me

. after everything my own pain and trauma is not what fucks me up the most. its always that its not over for so many others. for so many others its not over, its never over, theyre going through it rn, many worse than anything i ever went through. many that wont make it out alive

my best friend says its not my responsibility especially with my crippled health and the little of my fragile sanity to try to do something about it. that spending years trying to do something about sex trafficking or whatever else would break me, eat me up inside, that people who aint traumatized end up killing themselves or alchoholics, shells from what they've seen, so what would it do to me? he says. ive earned my rest, ive earned looking away, ive earned my peace

...

but what does that matter? what it would do to me? he says he doesnt understand why i spend so much time writing and speaking on this shit. at first it was to understand myself. now it is the horror that it is so much more horrible and bad and keeps going, its not me. its others. i always have felt more impacted by seeing others in pain than myself. i never can stand seeing my pain on someone else.

he says he doesnt understand why i look. he says he doesnt understand why i think. he says he doesnt understand why i study. doesnt understand why i want to do something about it when its so horrible

........

but ive been.... lucky. not so but lucky. lucky enouth to live. to get out. to get my "freedom."

but what does "my" individual freedom mean? when others dont have it? what does it matter?....... what does it matter?

it feels like my trauma isnt over through them. its not. im just one person, but for so many its not over. it wont be over. they may never see over until their graves.... time is a flat circle and all

...

and i think, how many? how many? and i think too.... in the history of the balkans, of my people, my women and little girls... how many? for how long?

how many today? everywhere?

how am i supposed to rest easy. how am i supposed to live my life ignoring it

why shouldn't i burn myself out. i already am. why shouldnt i take on the trauma of getting back into it for the sake of others

what does my freedom mean without theirs?

their screams echo through my head. they were my own once. i have stopped screaming

they have not

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allie-campbell-bradshaw · 2 years ago

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Chapter 4: First Set

A/N: Welcome to the fourth chapter of Top Gun: Baby, a love story following Bradley Bradshaw and Allie Campbell. This story is sequential, so if you have not already read the first few chapters, please go back and do so! All links to chapters and their mood boards can be found on my masterlist. This is by far one of my favorite chapters that is narrated by Bradley. This is quite a long one, so buckle up! I mention this in my notes for every chapter, but just in case you missed it– I do not give permission for my work to be re-posted without credibility. If you do want to post this story to your page, please be sure that you tag my account or at least mention its original source in your post. Again, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Intense swearing (This is a story set in the Navy after all), brief mentions of sex (nothing explicit)

Chapter Four: First Set

BRADLEY’S POV

“GET UP! UP! UP, UP, UP!” Emmett and I shot up from our bunks, the sound of people screaming in the hallway and our lights flashing caused our hearts to nearly burst from our chest as we were shot awake from our slumber.

Once I was able to comprehend that we were being awoken by our detailers, my heart rate began to settle. With the diminishing panic came the annoyance. I was in such a deep sleep, which is a treat for me. When I am in it deep, I don’t dream. There’s nothing for my imagination to focus on other than the black screen that plays in my mind for hours. It’s rare, and only on days where I’m exhausted that I get the pleasure of not being transported to my nightmares.

When I’m not in this deep state, I find myself dreaming one of three dreams. The first, and most common, was replaying the death of my mother. Except, it’s not how she died. It is more of a combination of how both of my parents died. I am the pilot of an F-14 when my mother ejects, willingly, from the jet. I watch helplessly as she plummets to the ground, begging me to save her. While it seems morbid that she chooses to eject from the plane, it makes sense. She elected to enter hospice care when the doctors told her that her cancer was entering Stage IV, knowing that even the best treatment wouldn’t eradicate the disease. She wanted to be in control of every decision she could make, until it was too late. To this day, I believe that she ejected herself from this world by dying when she did, the way she did. She refused to die in the middle of the night when I wasn’t there, and held on until my hand was wrapped tightly around hers. And my dad, well, we all know how that happened. I have no memories of it, and my mother never spoke about it. He could never find the right words to describe the accident, so I had to resort to asking Hollywood about it when I was in middle school.

***

“He was flying with your dad at Top Gun,” Hollywood explained to the young Bradley, who was sitting on the carpet next to him. Hollywood put down his beer, knowing that this was going to be a long and serious conversation with The Kid.

“Did he burn?” Bradley asked innocently, thinking that the only flight accidents that happened were ones when they crashed and burned, or ones where a fire started inside the cockpit.

“No,” Hollywood said, holding back a chuckle at the innocence of young Bradley. “He was trying to get out. He was trying to save Maverick.” Bradley looked over at his adopted father figure, who was talking with other members of his Top Gun class, not knowing what the two were talking about.

Bradley felt a smidge of jealousy at the fact that Maverick was able to get out of the plane, and his dad was not. Yet, at the same time Bradley was proud of his dad. He put someone else’s life above his own and was able to save him. He was a hero.

“Then he crashed?” Bradley asked, more curious now than ever about learning more.

“He got out,” Hollywood said, with a touch of sadness in his voice, “but then his head hit the top of the airplane. Even though he was wearing his helmet, he still got hurt pretty bad.”

“Then he died?”

“No, little man. Not right away,” Hollywood looked over at Maverick, sharing a glance together. The sadness and recollection stretched across Hollywood’s face gave everything away to Maverick. Pete looked over at Bradley and then back at Rick, nodding his head in approval. It was time he knew. “He was unconscious, but was alive for a few more hours. You and your mom made it to his room right when he let go. It was like he waited for you or something. You and Carole were with him. Your mom was at his side and you were snuggled up on his chest.”

Bradley sniffled as he held back tears, not wanting to hear anymore.

It wasn’t until he was in high school when his mom sat him down and told him the FULL story. The parts where Maverick lost control of the plane after Iceman flew by them recklessly.

Bradley wanted to be mad, but couldn’t. For years, he was under the impression that his father saved his second father. His best friend. Someone he told everything to. And Iceman was the only one he knew on the team that encouraged him to pursue flying if he wanted, and promised he would let him one day when he was older. No, he couldn’t be mad. But his impression of it all did change.

***

The second dream I have is a replay of the conversation that he had with me right before my graduation. This dream was less frequent, but always managed to make an appearance at least twice a week.

My third, and the least frequent, was the last day I spent with Danielle.

***

“Please,” she muttered to Bradley, tears falling down her face as she sat next to him on the couch, their bodies facing each other.

“Shhh,” He comforted her, cupping his face with her hand and running his thumb up and down her cheek. “You know we can't.” he whispered.

Danielle burst into tears as he pulled her into his chest, snaking his hand through her brown hair as he supported the back of her head. His other hand supported the small of her back, holding back the tears that were threatening to escape his own eyes.

He loved her, and in turn, he had to let her go. He pulled her away and looked into her deep brown eyes, his glazed with the salt water that was moments away from falling, but he held back. He held back for her. He was determined to be strong. He wanted to show her how much he loved her. He wanted to give her something to hold onto when she found out he died in battle from the local newspaper. So, he pulled her in close and covered her lips with his, letting their love blossom one more time before it dried out and fell to the hard ground.

***

I didn’t mind having this dream, especially when it got to the final parts. I can still feel every kiss, every thrust, every touch. It was like my own personal consequence to a choice that I sometimes wish I didn’t make.

But when I was in a deep sleep, everything went peacefully blank. Whatever dream that was currently playing was interrupted, or never occurred in the first place. This was exactly how my first night at the Academy was like. Everything was black from the minute I closed my eyes. It maybe only took 5 minutes to fall asleep, and before I knew it, it was morning.

The sun hadn’t come up yet when the pounding in the hallway began. Our breathing was so heavy we could hear each other from across the room, both of us slightly relaxing as we began to comprehend what was going on. It was time for drills, something that is expected to happen every morning during our first summer.

Within seconds, Denzel was throwing the door open to our unit, yelling at us to get up, get changed, and get in the hallway in 60 seconds.

Emmett and I bolted out of our beds, leaving our covers laid out on the floor as we quickly ripped off the clothes we slept in and changed into our Physical Education uniforms, which were a set of navy gym shorts and a navy ringed tee. I didn’t even notice that I had yet to change my boxers until it was too late… Fuck it, I’ll itch!

We were in the middle of tugging our white crew-length socks on when Denzel started to count down from ten. All of a sudden, my mind went blank as I shoved my toes into the sneakers, feeling a sharp pinch on my big right toe as my foot flew into the shoe. The immediate cold sensation let me know that I was bleeding, but I could still stand on it with only slight discomfort.

Denzel was in the middle of saying the number “One” during his countdown when Emmett and I stood at attention in the hallway, joining all of the other midshipmen who were sporting the same uniform. I could see my fellow classmates panting through my peripheral, everyone's chests heaving as the sleep drained from our eyes.

Three Officers walked down the hallway, examining our stance and writing things that they noticed down on a clipboard. One of the officers, assumably in his 40’s, with a full head of thick brown hair, nodded over at the group of 5 detailers that were standing at the end of the hall. They yelled at us to start running and to make our way over to the track.

I followed the group as we ran out of the building and outside. The cool air hit us with a slight discomfort. Summers on the coast were not too bad, since there were large bodies of water surrounding us, but with that came a little bit of a nippier air when the sun was down.

Emmett and I were in the middle of the whole group of runners, both of us looking around at the other men and women who were equally as shook as us. I knew this was coming, but the wakeup call itself was more intense than I had imagined. My ears were still ringing from the yells that escaped the detailer’s mouths and my eyes weren’t yet adjusted to the bright LED lights that were lit up as we got changed.

As we made our way over to the track, I glanced up at the cemented clock tower, whose hands were light by off-white lights, 5:33. Only four minutes ago, I was in the deep sleep that I so desperately crave every time I close my eyes. Four minutes seemed like ages ago.

Now I was here, running up the hill as the ones in front pooled their way into the track, taking the liberty of starting our run. We ran for 8 laps around the track, equivalent to two miles, before we were stopped by the detailers.

They split us up into our ICAO companies to perform our initial strength test. All of us Novembers went over to the far east side of the field that was in the middle of the track, Denzel joining us. It was then that I realized he was the detailer for all ten of us. I looked over at all the other guys, Emmett was resting his hands on his hips again, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. There were two guys that did not seem phased by our run, not even breathing hard as Denzel looked over his clipboard. Then there were all of us in the middle, who had broken out into a light sweat and occasionally spit into the ground as we recentered ourselves.

I hated how much I sweat. It was yet another trait that I inherited from my dad. Performing the simplest task would cause my skin to become moist under my hairline. Within seconds of any routine, I could feel the warm liquid pool down my body in droplets. My mom bought deodorant in bulk when I was in middle school and I went through one bottle of cologne every 3 months until I was 16.

I let out a spit when Denzel explained the contents of the initial strengths test. It would be used to determine which PEP group we would be in from tomorrow forward. He told us that we would perform every task as long as we could, until we physically could not go anymore.

It was a long morning, but it showed me exactly how much strength I had in me, equalizing me in the presence of young, fresh, 18 and 19 year olds. That’s all I truly crave, to be just like one of them. Once we were done, and my clothes soiled, I looked over at the paper Denzel used to record my data:

Push Ups: 82

Pull Ups: 51

Chin Ups: 45

Plank: 5m 45s

Squats: 76

Wall Sit: 3m 18s

Sit Ups: 114

Emmett brought his paper over to me and we compared scores. I outnumbered him heavily in push ups and sit ups, and he led in chin ups and the time for the wall sit. Everything else was pretty much the same, with a 1-5 difference.

He slapped my shoulder as he made his way to the locker room. We were instructed to shower and change into our Type III working uniforms, the common camo-esk styled ones, before breakfast. We had to report to the Bancroft Hall by 8:00am, otherwise you could forget about breakfast, which the Academy referred to as “morning chow”.

When I made my way into the locker room, I noticed there was a pack of cotton briefs sitting on every shelf of the lockers. Thank God!

After I was showered and changed into my uniform, I joined my classmates who were standing around Bancroft Hall. There were a few civilian tourists watching as we were inspected by the detailers and officers. They took our attendance right at 8:00am, locking the doors of the Hall for anyone that was late. Luckily, Emmett had made it, and I saw Natasha a few rows in front of me.

Every morning we were to be inspected by our superiors. As long as you kept your shit together, like keeping your hair short and tight, and wore your uniform correctly, then you were good. If not, you would have your ass handed to you for days until you did enough tasks to prove that you were worth a shit and would be let off the hook.

Within minutes, we were released and taken into the cafeteria. I salivated at the smell that came from the large brown and tan colored room. This was the biggest meal that the Academy served during the summers. Your choices were endless and the threat of running out of food never crossed anyones mind.

There was a wide range of fruits, cereals, meats, and pastries lined up across King Hall, the official name of the cafeteria on base. I had never felt more hungry in my life, my stomach screaming at me as I grabbed a tray when I made it to the front of the line, grabbing a whole bowl of fruit, oatmeal, and a serving of biscuits and gravy. Orange juice and coffee were placed at the center of every elongated table, which looked just like the brown tables you see in high school, with the same blue plastic pull out chairs.

“Yo, Bradster!” I heard someone yell, watching as a cinnamon roll came flying at me so as to grab my attention if I didn’t hear. Luckily, it landed on my tray, steering completely clear of the dirty floor below.

I looked over at the direction of the voice and saw Emmett, who was sitting with a group of guys, waving me over.

I quickly joined them and grabbed an open spot between two other guys, who introduced themselves as Tate and Oliver, engaging in brief conversation as I began to shove food down my throat. Before long, Oliver had ditched us to go sit with the girls from the Alpha Company. Great, he was one of those guys.

As he was walking away, Emmett, who was stuffing his face with meat and pastries, gave him a wolf whistle. Everyone watched as he slyly made his way over, taking the last seat at the table full of women.

Emmett laughed and looked back at his tray before an all too familiar female voice rang out; “May I”?

I looked up at Natasha, who was standing in front of Oliver’s abandoned chair.

I gave her a slight smirk while Emmett replied; “Yeah sorry toots. It’s men only.”

“Great,” Natasha shot back, taking a seat in the chair and adjusting herself as she said; “I was hoping you would leave anyways”.

She shot him an intense poker face as he froze in shock, not expecting that comment, which caused some of the other men at the table to laugh.

The laughter died down and a slight awkwardness was building up at the table, which I decided to rescue her from; “Natasha, this is my roommate, Emmett Frasier. Emmett, this is Natasha Trace”.

“Pleasure.” she said sarcastically, as she held her poker face on Emmett.

“At least it is for one of us.” Emmett said as he took a long drink of orange juice from his tall glass cup.

“Whatever,” she said to him slyly, breaking her gaze from his face and looking down at her tray. “How did you do at PEP?” she asked, looking over at me to confirm that I was the one the question was directed at. I gave her my paper and she glanced over at it, looking impressed at some of the facts that were on it. “Not bad,” she complimented. Well, complimented as best as she could. She was a hard ass, and I was totally here for it!

“We won’t be in the same group though.” She stated, with a hint of an upset tone in her voice.

“How do you know?” I asked her, curious at her statement.

“I nearly doubled you in everything. They’ll put me with others that scored close to me”.

“Bullshit!” Emmett rang out, not believing a word she said.

She quickly pulled her paper out of her right chest pocket before throwing it in his face, which caused him to clasp his eyes shut as the paper quickly made its way over to him. Within seconds, he had his eyes glued to her sheet, his expression dropping to a small scent of embarrassment as he realized she was telling the truth.

“I assume, yours wasn’t as good.” she stated to him, raising an eyebrow at him as well as giving him the all too familiar poker face that has dominated the conversation.

He didn’t say anything as he looked away, placing the paper back on her tray. She folded it back up and put it in her pocket, proud of her domination over him, which I’m sure he was not expecting.

The rest of the morning conversation revolved around discussing our summer classes: The first part of Naval Leadership class, Honor, Naval Warfare and Tactics, Rank Structure and the Unified Chain of Command. Basically, all of these courses were designed to humble us and solidify the hard passion that we have, or will have, for the Navy. Leadership was the longest, which was going to consist of a whole semester once courses started during the school year. Honor was the class that was designed to humble you, introducing you to the histories and reasons for “why we are the way we are” within the Navy. Warfare and Tactics, my favorite course, was pretty self explanatory. In late June we would get into the basics of aviation tactics, which I was most excited for! Rank Structure and the Unified Chain of Command was pretty much a study hall. Professors expected us to have the structure and chain memorized by the end of the summer, with us being able to not only list everything in the correct order, but also be able to explain why the structure existed. We also had to memorize notable men and women that are currently serving or have served in the Navy. Iceman was on the list, only inches away from becoming admiral of the U.S. Pacific Fleet. Honestly, these courses would completely outrank all of the other courses I took at UVA, creating a challenge and a willingness to study that I have so desperately craved for.

The first set of classes, Naval Leadership and Honor, passed by quickly, and before I knew it, I was in King Hall again, noting the absence of the buffet styled breakfast that we had this morning.

Lunch was served in a family-style set up, every table having an assortment of sandwiches covered in plastic wrap. There was enough for every person at the table to have two. Our table was almost filled when I got there, with only tuna and veggie sandwiches remaining. I made a mental note to get there faster tomorrow as I grabbed one of each of the sandwiches and put them on my tray. I was in the middle of pouring the water into my glass when Natasha came over and assumed her same seat next to me.

“Jesus,” Emmett muttered under his breath as she sat down.

“I’m sorry?!” She snapped, looking up at him, making it clear that she heard him.

“Listen,” He began, “I think we got off on the wrong foot-”

“Oh, you don’t say!” she commented sarcastically.

“Would you shut up and listen to me!” Emmett snapped, clearing his throat and giving a look of regret at the words coming out of his mouth. “Sorry,” he apologized sincerely, “Force of habit, I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard, turning a little red. I would not be surprised if they slept together before the end of the summer. “I just wanted to introduce myself to you properly, I’m Emmett Fraiser.” He held his hand out for her to shake and she looked down at his, reluctant at first, but eventually giving in and shaking his. “Great!” He said in an excited tone, “Now we’re friends!”

“No we’re not.” Natasha muttered out in a sly tone, making sure to annunciate her entire sentence clearly so we could hear every syllable.

Emmett looked down, embarrassed by her recent comment and went back to his stale sandwich, eventually going into the conversation that Oliver was having with another guy that sat next to them. “You’re gonna have sex with him,” I stated quietly over my shoulder to Natasha as I took a huge gulp of my water.

“Not the parts I’m looking for, Bradshaw.” I spit my water back into my cup as I comprehended what she said. She looked at me, with a pain in her eyes as she saw my reaction.

I couldn’t help but cough as the water cleared from my lungs, my face turning red as I held up my pointer finger at her, signaling her to “wait a minute” as I regained my composure.

She still had a hurt look painted on her face until I was able to defend my reaction; “I’m sorry…” cough, “I don’t mean it like that…” cough, “Like it’s cool and you’re still great…” cough, “I support you…” I took a heavy breath, my body catching up with the oxygen that I had been missing the last few seconds, “I just wasn’t expecting that” I said as I swallowed, nearly recovered from my fit.

She smirked at me, her face now turning to a happy one as she developed a twinkle in her eye. “Well,” she said, “I’m into both I guess. But recently it’s been more women. I just don’t think your attraction needs to revolve around one specific gender”.

“Valid.” I said to her as I returned to my meal. My tone was clear enough to communicate to her that I understood what she was arguing, but also making it clear that I personally was only attracted to one gender.

“Natasha!” I heard someone say loudly behind us. I looked up and noticed a man, with a crew cut hairstyle and a deep skin tone, smiling down at her. He looked surprised to see her there, obviously not knowing she was around until now.

“If it isn’t Javy fucking Machado,” she said, impressed to see him sporting the same camo-like uniform as us. “How the hell are you!”

“Living the dream honey!” He exclaimed to her.

Everyone around the table looked at her in confusion and patience, waiting for her to introduce this Javy fucking Machado guy to us.

“Oh shit!” she said, looking over at us and noticing our expressions. “Guys, this is Javy. Him and I met at Summer Seminar last year. He’s a hot case.” She explained, being able to note his cockiness and charm in two simple words.

“And she’s just hot.” He said to all of us, making her blush and she looked down at her tray. There was obviously something there.

“Here sit down,” she said, pulling out the chair that was empty next to her.

“Oh, thanks” he muttered, as he modestly took a seat.

Natasha introduced him to the rest of the guys at the table, remembering all their names, ending with my roommate, “And that ass clown is Emmett Fraiser”.

Emmett gave a pleasing look at Natasha’s remarks, which he interpreted as a compliment. I’m sure it was, but with Natasha, you could never know.

“Nice to meet you” He said to all of them.

“So you met at Summer Seminar?” Emmett asked, not seeming to know what that was.

“Yeah,” Javy started, “It’s a summer camp that the Academy hosts for incoming high school seniors that are interested in the academy. It’s just like this, only a week long, and way more PEP than classes”. Well, that explains Natasha’s fucking phenominal performance this morning!

They exchanged answers for how they did in the morning, both nearly matching each other. It became clear to us that this Summer Seminar was designed to put them at the head of the pack if they came to Plebe Summer the year after. Great, yet another thing that I’m behind in!

I went back to studying my Reef Points book as their conversation continued on the subject of the seminar. It wasn’t until the discussion changed to how we ended up here when I rejoined the group. Javy went first, explaining that he applied against his mothers wishes, who is very apprehensive about the military. I also found out that he wanted to go into naval aviation, which meant that we would be seeing a lot more of each other as the years go on.

“So, I guess we’re meant to be huh?” Javy said over to Natasha, who shrugged him off and looked away.

“Only if you give me a wicked call sign.” She said, expressing her desire to have something unique assigned to her when we got to that point, in like five fucking years!

“Wait, what?” I asked her, not expecting her to know so much about naval aviation, and realizing that’s what she aspired to do.

“I’m majoring in Aerospace Engineering with Javy. We want to be fighter pilots one day.”

“Yeah me too!” I exclaimed to her.

“About majoring in engineering or being a fighter pilot?” She asked me, still comprehending that we had a lot more in common than I thought.

“Both!” I said excitedly, knowing that I was developing a friendship I would come to appreciate in the upcoming months when we start working with aircrafts.

“Get out!” She said, equally as excited at this fact. “Anyone else naval aviators?” She looked around anxiously, but everyone shook their heads.

“Submarine Officer” Emmett answered.

“Fits.” was all Natasha had to say. Not necessarily in a mean tone, but one that made it clear that the career goal matched the personality. It truly did though!

“What about you? What’s your story?” A guy asked, looking over at Natasha. She looked down, slightly upset with being asked, keeping her composure as she looked for the right words.

I knew enough to know that it wasn’t a pretty story. All I knew was she didn’t have a family, and a part of me was hoping she was an orphan too. It would be nice to know just one person who shared the same pain as me. “My father abandoned me and my mom when I was a baby,” Natasha started, everyone froze their expressions, not expecting her to be so forward. “And my mom dealt with the pain by drinking and shooting up. She’s somehow managed to stay alive, but doesn’t really care that I’m there. I applied to get away.”

Everyone was taken aback, not knowing how to proceed. The same guy looked over at me, slowly and awkwardly changing the attention as he asked me: “Okay, what about you”?

Now I was stuck. My story wasn’t any happier than hers, and I was still determined to get through my whole career without any of my fellow naval men and women, sorry Natasha, knowing about the past. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to segway out of this, before sitting up tall and adjusting in my seat.

Everyone had their eyes on me. Fuck! I knew I couldn’t get out of this. I opened my mouth, ready to talk, just to bullshit and see what came out, when I was interrupted by Denzel yelling in my face.

I didn’t notice it until now, but detailers were yelling in a lot of people’s faces right now, with the cadet standing at attention and yelling back answers to their prompts.

I quickly stood up at attention, peering forward as my eyes stood sharp ahead of me, my ears focused on his words.

“Recite the ICAO!” He screamed at me.

What the fuck? Before I knew it, the words of the alphabet were coming out of my mouth, starting with alpha and ending with Zulu. I saw Denzel’s eyes change in my periphery, looking slightly impressed with my answer.

He turned his back to the other detailers, which is when I took the opportunity to glance over at Natasha, who looked at me impressed, her lips pursed and her eyebrow raised as she took in my performance.

It was then that I realized what my trainer was doing. During meal times, midshipmen were going to be tested with recollection regarding facts of the Navy, so as to prepare us to become laser focused in stressful and unexpected situations.

“The commanding order in the Second Fleet!” He yelled, a little less loud this time, but still intense enough.

I read off every rank, starting with ensign and ending with admiral, giving at least 1 example of a man or woman who currently holds each rank.

I saw Denzel take a step back, beyond impressed. I mentally thanked Hollywood for giving me that book earlier.

“When was the Naval Academy established?” Denzel spoke at a tone matching that of a normal conversation, but close to my ear.

I felt his breath hit me as I stared forward answering his question quickly making sure to keep my loud tone while at attention; “October 10th, 1845, Sir!”

“Established by?” Denzel asked in a creepy tone, getting way too close to my ear, snaking his head as he walked across my body, wanting me to break.

“George Bancroft and James Knox Polk, Sir!”

“First professors?” He asked, now in my face. I felt my eyes twitch, wanting to meet his, fighting every nerve in my being to keep my gaze forward. Yeah, this training is going to be intense, and will push every limit I have!

I was less confident with this one, answering a little quieter, “William Chauvenet, Arsene Girault, and Navy Chaplain George Jones SIR!” I didn't realize how quiet I was until the end of my answer, when Denzel took a step back.

“And Henry Lockwood,” He responded quietly. Fuck. I forgot one.

I closed my eyes and let out a huff through my throat. I was almost perfect. Almost there. And I made one fucking mistake.

I stood at attention as Denzel walked to my right side, watching my every move, waiting for me to crack. I was turning red, and mentally beating myself up, but refused to let it get to me. “Report to the track for 50 push ups after dinner. Right at sunset.”

“Yes sir!” I yelled, regaining my composure, but still lacking all confidence I have ever known.

“At ease” he said to me as he turned and left.

I let my head down, trying to wipe away the embarrassment. When I turned to my friends, they were all frozen, their mouths hanging open and their facial expressions in a daze.

“What the shit was that!?” Emmett asked, impressed.

I kept my gaze down and went back to my tray, not talking or looking at anyone for the rest of the day, shutting myself off. Something I’m good at.

I was quiet for the rest of the day, keeping my eyes glued in my books. Natasha sat next to me in afternoon classes, always shooting me a concerned gaze. During the last class, she rested her hand on top of mine, curious about my sudden lack of socialism.

I looked over at her and shook my head before pulling away and walking to the cafeteria, where I sat alone at the edge of the last table in the corner. I know it sounds dumb to be beating yourself up over something so stupid, but I had a lot to prove. I know there’s going to be a big target on my back, being at the age I am and coming from the family I have…Had… I knew Denzel knew, and I knew the Officers at base knew. You could tell by the way they looked at me when taking attendance or hearing my last name said by one of my friends.

They all kept quiet though, trying to hide their initial expression. Luckily, no one had noticed yet. I’m sure everyone was on their own toes, attempting to calm their nerves from their first day as well.

Natasha, Javy, and Emmett came over to me, holding onto their trays that were filled with meats and carbs. Steak, grilled veggies, and mashed potatoes were on the menu today. They didn’t sit down, just stood there and looked at me with curious expressions, filled with a little bit of pity.

“You okay?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah.” I lied through my teeth. She nodded her head, with an expression on her face that let her know that she could see right through me.

“Okay. Well, we’re here for you.” She encouraged me.

“Thanks.” I said, keeping my eyes down.

They stood there for a second, before walking away. I played with the food on my tray, not in the mood to eat a thing, despite the fact that my stomach was running on empty.

I reported to the track right before sunset, noting that I was the only one there. Great! Everyone else got their questions right.

Denzel’s back was to me, watching the sunset with his bare eyes, squinting up at the sky as I bent down, getting in perfect formation, and started going down, counting in my head.

Fifteen, I thought as I made my way up, Denzel finally breaking the silence; “You’re an impression”. He said as I went down again, sixteen, not saying anything.

“I mean it.” He said again, looking down at me as I stared at his shadow which was hovering above me. “No one I have ever quizzed has gotten those questions right on the first day.”

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

“Keep it up,” He encouraged, “I’ve got my eye on you”.

He turned back and walked away, meaning I could be done. But I had to finish. This was my set. This was my punishment, and I had to do it. I had to finish. I had to prove that I was good at something. I had a lot to prove.

I finished my set and then sat down on the damp ground, pulling my legs up and resting my elbows on my knee caps, focusing on my breathing that was slightly shallow. I wouldn’t be sweating so much if I wasn’t in my working uniform, but damn that bitch gets hot quickly!

I looked up and stared at the campus in the near distance, seeing Natasha, Javy, and Emmett watching me from the sidewalk of King Hall. Once they saw that I was looking at them, Natasha nudged them, and they walked away, making their way to the commons, right in front of the Naval Chapel.

I stayed sitting, thinking about how tough this is going to be. How I’m going to have more nights like this, sitting in the field, doing push-ups, proving my worth.

I looked up in direction of the chapel as I heard my classmates begin to sing “Blue And Gold”

Now colleges from sea to sea

May sing of colors true,

But who has better right than we

To hoist a symbol hue:

I immediately started thinking about my dad. How my dad ran on this very track, sang that very song, had the same summer as me, only four years younger than I am now. He was here. He looked at the same buildings. He did the same agility tests. He had the same intense quizzes during meal times. He made mistakes… He made mistakes… He did this too.

For sailors brave in battle fair

Since fighting days of old,

Have proved the sailors right to wear

The Navy Blue and Gold

He wore the same uniforms. He would sweat the same heavy amount of sweat. He missed questions. He failed things… He made mistakes too…

Thinking about my dad brought me peace, and relief from the fire that I had earlier in the day. If he could do it, and come out of everything a graduate all the same, then I can too.

I looked up at the clouds that were blowing through the deep sunset kissed sky, night time only minutes away.

“Help me through this dad”. I whispered up at the sky, knowing at that moment that I would be okay. I would make another mistake. I wouldn’t be perfect. And when I crashed and burned, he would be there. He was always there.

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