#seriously why DC?

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Friends bought me vol. 4 of Robin Lives today cuz I don’t have a nearby comic shop.

After letting them know the comic community was collectively pissed at the ending and gave them the go ahead to read it, I got the following message:

“Can we set your comic on fire after you read it?”

My response was no since I like collecting things, but I did tell her we can put a frowny face sticker on the plastic protective covering. It might get up graded to a Mr. Yuk sticker

For those of you who don’t know, this is a Mr. Yuk sticker. It was designed by the Pittsburgh Poison Center (affiliated with the UPMC hospital system) in the 1970s and just feels appropriate for this

[cassandracain52]

Reverse trope

where instead of the Bats forgetting that they’re adopted (something actual adoptees do on occasion and is hilarious) they forget that some of them *cough Damian cough* aren’t

_______

Jason in the heat of a probably ridiculous argument: Yeah well YOU’RE adopted!

Tim just as invested in said argument: So are YOU! We all are!

Damian who had previously been quietly watching this unfold while he drank his tea: Actually I’m not

Tim and Jason who didn’t realize he was there but are already DoneTM: …… Damian continuing to sip his tea entirely unbothered: :)

Damian: Because I’m not an orphan-

Jason: ok, yoU KNOW WHAT-

____

or like in their group texts (that we know they have thanks to Nightwing (2016) #79)

*Steph changed the group chat name to “Bruce Wayne’s Personal Orpanage”*

Jason: Really?

Steph: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Steph: It’s the truth Damian: Both my parents are very much alive

Steph: Shhh you don’t count

Cass: Mine too Duke: Technically so are mine

Barbara: I still have a dad so there’s that

Steph: YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE JOKE

Tim: Stephanie aren’t BOTH of your parents alive???

Steph: KNOW WHAT? FINE

*Steph changed the group chat name to “The Technicality Police”*

Tim: well that’s more accurate at least

Steph: :)

_____

Damian in his 10th argument with Tim of the day: That’s- this is-

Tim in full Antagonizing Big Brother mode: I’m listening

Damian -a Gen Z and best friend to Jon Kent- extremely frustrated: This is such Motherless behavior!

Tim taken aback: [voice cracking] W-what-?

Damian who didn’t mean to say that but doubling down anyway because his bloodline doesn’t believe in admitting mistakes: THIS! This is such Motherless behavior!

The rest of the family who is also motherless: :O

Cass whose been spending way too much time with Meme Queen Stephanie Brown and not involved in the argument but finding it entertaining regardless: [nodding along seriously] Facts

Tim: [visibly betrayed] CASS WHAT-

A video copy of the interaction gets sent out anonymously to the entire family. Barbara is the prime suspect but there is no proof as of yet (and they will never find any)

Steph, Cass, and Duke continue to respond “Motherless behavior” everytime one of the bats does something they deem questionable/insane. It is said often

It only stops when one night in the middle of patrol. Batman is in full Dark Knight mode (possibly in the middle of threatening someone) and descends from the ceiling into the middle of a warehouse drug deal, dark cape billowing out behind him-

and Steph just automatically whispers “Motherless behavior” forgetting her com was still very much on

She immediately realizes what she said and frantically apologizes but it’s too late.

Bruce just- Blue Screens. Completely stunned into silence

Dick -who was unfortunate enough to be the one teamed up with Batman tonight- is fighting for his life to choke back his laughter

Jason doesn’t even try to stop his and has collapsed to his knees from lack of air from how hard he’s laughing. Cass try’s half heartedly patting his back to help to no avail

The criminals are terrified into surrender from The Red Hood just laughing hysterically at seemingly nothing while Batman just Stands There

Damian ends up being the only one still functioning enough to continue arresting everyone, though he is privately amused and strangely proud

Tim and Barbara have saved both the com recordings and cowl footage to at least three different servers and sent it to absolutely everyone before Batman even recovers

Duke finds out second hand the next morning and is furious he missed the chance to see it in person. He declares he is moving to the nightshift so it doesn’t happen again. (He is all talk and goes to bed by 9 pm)

Bruce bans the phrase for life and promises swift and server punishment to anyone who dares to use it again

[hypewinter]

Danny is reading peacefully in his new room at Wayne Manor when there's suddenly a commotion outside his door. Next thing he knows Bruce comes storming through the door.

"Danny did you lie to me about your past!?" he asked calmly.

[ew-selfish-art]

DpxDc AU: What’s an adoption paper or two between bros?

Danny is starting to realize that since Jazz left the house for university, his parents aren’t really good at well, being his parents. They’re obsessed with his alter ego to the point that they ignore his normal ego, and that uh, hurts his feelings. Like, a lot. Meal times have gotten weirder and more inconsistent, and he’s starting to wonder if they suspect what’s really going on with him.

They’ve started to say “You know you can tell us anything” these days when he sees them outside their lab (which isn’t frequent) but the normal amount of ghost hate speech hasn’t changed. If anything it’s gotten worse. Just like everything else.

Danny joined the whole-ass justice league to fill his spare time after high school and his parents are literally none the wiser. Like, he's a part time high-school senior at 17 and a full time international hero. His parents only comment on the fact that the menace Phantom is costing them a lot in airline tickets as they try and apprehend him all over the world. Hell, they caught Ellie for a second when he was in Morrocco and it got ugly fast. She's a junior member now but mostly spends her time with some doofus that has a magic traveling house.

And really, he's fine with his schedule of going to school, going ghost and making a difference, and then returning to a dramatically silent house. Really.

Then one day his new friend and co-team lead Red Robin makes a brief mention about his own childhood of neglect and Danny makes a joke, "What, no adoption papers for the homies?"

He laughs as he says it but something in his leader's eyes looks sharp, and Kon is sighing in the background something that sounds suspiciously like dear Rao you've done it now.

Next time Danny is on the Watchtower, he's brought into a meeting with Red Robin, Batman and various other JL team leaders.

"Adoption papers are very much for the homies. I've also included the option of emancipation, as you'll see in the green folder, but I am one hundred percent serious about adopting you."

"Red, you're like, 3 months younger than me." Danny deadpans.

"Adoption is for the homies and I'm emancipated. And If i'm reading Batman correctly, you're facing three outcomes right now."

"Three?"

"One: I adopt you and you become my legal dependent. Two: Batman adopts you and I become your legal brother. or Three: You emancipate yourself while allowing us to provide for you while your housing situation is sorted out."

"... Uh. Door one?" Danny is having too many feelings. Why does batman look disappointed? What is Jazz going to say? What on earth???

"Welcome to the Drake Family." Red shakes his hand up and down, the grin on his face feral and the plan towards being emancipated from the Fentons and adopted by his boss is a weird one.

But eventually, a few weeks later, he's had a pretty delicious dinner by his new adoptive grandfather-tler and is watching a movie with Tim and Kon on the couch and he's just so happy and comfortable and warm...

"Will this make Kon my dad if you two get married?" Danny laughs and it's the closest he gets to being disowned.

[gummybearstastelikesadness]

When Danny enters the Fenton portal for the very first time, he still trips and shocks himself but at the same time damages the inside of the portal enough that it can’t sustain itself past the point of changing Danny’s molecules.

The electricity and damage done to both Danny and the portal isn’t something Danny, Sam, and Tucker can cover up and his parents find out immediately. They’re more concerned about their son then the portal (they have the blueprints for the portal and can rebuild it later but can’t replace their son if something happened to him) and go through a lot of things emotions regarding the existence of ghost human hybrids.

Danny’s new biology could easily be passed as meta human traits. Unfortunately President Lex Luther had just recently passed laws against meta humans. Meaning they can’t risk people find out about Danny’s new powers, at all. The Fentons decide that Danny should live with one of Maddie or Jacks relatives off grid until he can control his new abilities better.

luckily Jacks sister, Martha, and her husband have experience with a super powered child and after their son moved to the city could probably use a hand on their farm. All Jack needed to do was call.

[bluerosefox]

I've been seeing a few DPxDC Dad!Damian ideas so I'd like to toss my idea into the void of the internet.

Damian is on a lead about a glowing green puppy, that can apparently change size and go through walls, and finally manages to track it down before even his father hears about it. The puppy seemed to be stealing random things too.

He was fully ready to use all the tricks in the book to get the puppy to trust him... and after a few days/weeks he manages to gain its trust.

He just wasn't expecting the puppy to drag him to abandoned warehouse and drop him in front of a few kids that were hiding out in it.

"Oh! Cujo you finally brought your new person over!" says the only red-haired one in the group, and she was holding a baby, as two almost identical toddlers ran over to the excited pupper that began to run around them.

[badghostwriter]

Tim: “Look Ra’s, I’m really not into this today.”

Ra’s: “Feeling under the weather, detective?”

Tim: “Yeah. You know the whole organ you stole from me? I kinda need that to, you know, not almost die every time the flu season comes around.”

Ra’s: “No need to be so ungrateful, detective. You would have died much sooner had I not removed it.”

Tim: “I’m really not seeing a downside there.”

[connanro]

he literally CANNOT catch a break

[gothamite-rambler]

"Okay, but how were you able to taste heroin?" I asked, confused.

Bruce (confused years later hearing this story): Wait a damn minute... Wait a damn minute. Wait a damn a minute!

Tim: He's trying to say "How did you know what heroin tasted like?"

Dick (tense): What?

Bruce (already prepared to give the drug test): Oh, that wasn't the right answer. How did you taste it and not get high? How did you taste it and NOT GET HIGH?!

Dick: Alfred knew what it was too!

Bruce: He was in the war he has an excuse! Did you do drugs with... ROY?!

Tim: Bruce, chill.

Bruce: I will chill as I make a call.

Bruce sat down, grabbing the landline phone and dialing a number. Dick sat in his seat, his eyes darting nervously.

Dick (thought voice over): I paid him... I should be fine.

While Bruce talked to Jason on the phone Tim yanked his brother to his side.

Tim (whispering): Who gave it to you, why, was it Roy, and do I need to handle your rehab stay?

Dick (pulling away): I'm not on drugs!

Tim (incredulous): Anymore?

Dick: Never was. I never was! Roy will vouch for me!

Bruce: Let's hear what Roy has to say.

Bruce put the call on speaker and all that could be heard was Jason cackling. Roy's frustrated sighing could be heard in the background.

Bruce: All right, Jason's cackling too much to answer. Roy... repeat what you said to me!

Roy: It was one party and he was stupid enough to want to try it once with me. I was already heavily addicted and even I told him not to try it. That hospital stay afterwards made him not touch it again.

Jason laughed.

Jason: Tell the other part... tell him.

Roy: He did smoke a lot of weed in his college years.

Bruce: He... WHAT?!

Roy (chuckling): Whoops forgot to tell you that earlier.

Dick (angry stuttering): I- I- I fucking paid you not to tell anybody.

Roy: And I said that wasn't guaranteed if I ever got clean! The money is gone now.

Jason: On drugs you bitch.

Roy (laughing): Shut it.

Bruce (monotone): Okay, Dick, five second head start, and then I tackle you and give you a drug test.

Dick ran out of the room as Bruce counted down. Bruce hung up the phone then chased after his eldest son. Alfred entered the office carrying a tray of small coffee cups.

Alfred: What's going on?

Tim (taking a coffee cup): Bruce found out Dick used drugs in the past and he's giving him a drug test.

Dick (running the other way): I was just a young boy!

Bruce (following behind him): SHAMEFUL!

Tim took a sip from his coffee, nodding at the good taste.

Tim: Did you use heroin?

Alfred: What happened in the undocumented war stays in that war. That and it was the old days, I stopped using it after I moved to America.

Tim (shook his head with a smile): I'm glad I'm not addicted to anything.

[kittykatninja321]

I still can’t get over the fact that “permanently jokerfied” is a real diagnosis one might hear from a medical professional in the dc universe

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Bruce regrets sound proofing all his children’s rooms

There are some things parents don’t want to know or hear when it comes to their children and it seemed like a great idea at the time.

That being said, as he looked down at his tired youngest, bottle feeding a baby in a way that seems to be half muscle memory, with a look on his face that can only be encompassed by the sentence “oh shit.”

Bruce was suddenly wondering if he made the right call.

[suzukiblu]

Please, cuddling, and TimKon?

. . . I am sorry but also I am NOT sorry for what I have done with this reply, but hey, why don't we all enjoy this one being the only prompt fill from this meme that got a read-more cut??

“Please,” Kon tries, trying not to look–he doesn’t know, weird and needy and like an embarrassment, or whatever. It feels like such a stupid thing to ask for. He knows Tim’s not really a hugger or a touchy-feely guy or whatever and that he likes having his own space and basically always hops out of bed right after sex to go write down all the shit his post-nut clarity made him think of, and the idea of, like, just staying still and actually cuddling or whatever is probably basically literal torture to him, assuming it’s ever even occurred to him at all, just . . . 

Just he’d kind of like to sometimes, maybe? Like–not regularly or whatever, he’s not trying to drive Tim nuts or cut into either his worktime or downtime here, just . . .

Just he’d like to do it sometimes, that’s all. 

Tim’s not the tactile type. Tim isn’t even the eye contact type, unless he’s lying to somebody or at work or just faking it for Robin-mode or whatever. Kon gets that. He’s been, like–careful about that. Not trying to take up too much space or ask for too much attention or mind when Tim doesn’t even look up at him when he– 

He’s been careful about it. 

But he is . . . well. The tactile type. Like . . . kind of, anyway. 

Like–it’s kinda unavoidable, honestly. 

“Oh,” Tim says, blinking at him in just enough bemusement to make him feel even more self-conscious about bringing this shit up to begin with, and Kon tries to keep his expression casual and noncommittal and–and just normal about this. Because he is totally normal about this. He is so normal about this. He is.

He’s also normal about the fact that when he asked Tim if he could talk to him about something, Tim didn’t even put down his tablet. Didn’t even put it to sleep, or actually even look up from it until . . . 

Kon’s normal about that. About all of this. 

(and he definitely never feels kind of weird or a little bit abandoned because Tim can’t EVER just bring his stupid laptop back to bed or at least work on whatever he’s thinking about IN the bedroom at the untouched desk he's got set up in there or even just, like . . . stick around and hang out on the couch with him, or anything like that. he definitely totally ENTIRELY doesn’t ever just feel like a casual fuckbuddy or an easy hookup or a gala-night accessory or just the most immediately convenient option and not actually–not actually any kind of a–not actually something that– 

he doesn’t. 

definitely.)

“Uh,” Kon says, and backpedals awkwardly, because clearly this conversation is not going the way he’d wanted it to and Tim just looks so surprised by it all, like–like it never even occurred to him or something, that maybe . . . that maybe Kon would want anything like that, or like he literally just hasn’t noticed how hard Kon’s been trying to be normal about it, or . . . 

It doesn’t feel very good, the idea he’s been trying so hard to respect Tim’s space and preferences and comfort levels and Tim hasn’t even noticed that he was doing anything at all. 

Especially because Tim usually notices just about everything. 

Maybe Tim’s just never thinking about it. Maybe he gets out of bed so quick because he’s spent the whole time in it thinking about other shit and just putting up with–just– 

“Kon,” Tim says, his voice going a little tight, and Kon just tries not to wince. He didn’t mention any of the complicated stuff he’s been trying not to feel, he just asked if Tim could–if Tim would– 

He didn’t even mention any of the complicated stuff, so it’s, like–not a great sign that Tim’s looking at him like that right now, like he’s said something really serious or upsetting or . . . 

He really shouldn’t have said anything, yeah. 

“Sorry,” he tries stiffly, glancing away and wrapping his hand around his own wrist and digging his fingers into the inside of it. It’s–tactile. Just . . . something tactile. “I know you don’t–sorry. Uh. Just forget it.” 

“Fuck,” Tim mutters for some reason, and Kon feels like such an idiot for saying anything at all, and a worse one for apparently doing it in a way that’s got Tim making that face at him. That face is Robin’s “my utility belt is empty, comms are fried, and the mission just went to shit” face. 

He really fucked this up. It was fine. Everything was fine, and now he’s wrecked it and Tim’s about to say it’s not even that serious, it’s not like it’s even–not like they’re even–and that Kon’s clearly gotten the wrong idea and they should just–just– 

“How long have you felt this way?” Tim asks very, very carefully, like the question’s something fragile, and Kon thinks from literally the first fucking time you left me alone in bed all night so you could go recalibrate some stupid useless specialty sensor that wasn’t even part of your primary gear, like, a WEEK into us sleeping together and says, “I dunno. It’s not–I told you. Forget it. It’s not a big deal.” 

He’s being weird about this. He’s being an asshole about this, actually, because being prepared for literally every single possible contingency ever is the Bats’ whole thing and he got into this knowing Tim wasn’t the touchy-feely type or all that expressive and emotive about–about his feelings, or whatever, and–and it’s not like he even–not like he– 

(he just wants a fucking HUG he didn't have to FUCK him for every now and then, or for Tim to at least exist in the same space as him for longer than the time it takes for the next email from Oracle to come in or next alert from Batman to go off or next self-assigned project to finish processing or–

but that’s not something Tim does, and Kon knew that going in, so–so it’s his own stupid fault if he feels SMALL sometimes, when . . . when there’s always something else, always another problem to solve or place to be or thing to think about, always . . . always something more important than just . . . staying, just for a little bit, and just BEING with–with him. just him. not the team, or either of their families, or . . .)

He knew all this going in, Kon reminds himself. He knew it. If he were this bad at being with literally anyone else, he’d just–he’d just– 

But something about it being Tim means he just . . . can’t. 

Tim’s jaw tightens, and he finally sets down his stupid tablet. 

Only now, though, Kon thinks bitterly, and digs his fingers a little deeper into the inside of his wrist. 

“Kon,” Tim says again, says too carefully again. Like something’s fragile, again. “I–” 

“I said forget it, for fuck’s sake!” Kon snaps too hotly, and maybe hates himself for both doing it and for the stricken look that doing it puts on Tim’s face, and also maybe cheats a bit by super-speeding straight out the balcony door into the night air and not taking his cell or his communicator with him. Or–definitely does, in fact. Definitely that’s cheating. He knows it is. 

He just really can’t stand to hear Tim tell him how he’s fucked up this time right now, though. He just–he tried so fucking hard not to fuck up this time. 

He really, really tried. 

He should’ve known it wouldn’t work, but . . . but he really did try.

[potatounicoorn]

Random batfam stuff I learned this week that I think the fandom should use more often:

Dick Grayson does skydiving as a hobby

And has broken multiple world records in said hobby

Damian has a cool cousin named Mara al Ghul, that is/was his nemesis, he cut out her eye and stuff

Damian also takes after his father's taste in woman who try to kill him

Ra's al Ghul has canonically acknowledged the fact above out loud

That said he canonically has a cool as hell girlfriend who did kill him during their first meeting, her name is Flatline and I've known about her for like 10hours max and she is awesome

Batman once called Aquaman to retrieve the giant penny from some pit, knowing it can not be moved, cause he was bored and doesnt know how to ask people to hang out with him lmao

The existence of Donna Troy (okay I lied i've known about her longer than a week)

The fact that after Donnas death Dick quit being a titan and stuff, so Roy made up a new team for emotional support I guess??

The fact that apparently not only did Dick's parents die, but the rest of his family like aunts and cousins and uncle also fell to their death that night? How have I not seen angst about this more??

Damian has a pet DRAGON apparently, iconic

Please do add more lore stuff if you know, I would love to hear more because so much stuff gets buried under the fanon lol

[chaoswarfare]

dp x dc prompt #68

Danny’s ice core is very good for enjoying extremely cold temperatures without having to drag around a coat. It even helps cool him down in ghost form, and even in human form when there’s enough ambient ectoplasm.

The problem is that his human form has grown to completely rely on it to keep cool, so when there’s not enough ecto to use and his core has to choose between continuing keeping him semi-alive or continuing cooling him down? That’s when the problems start.

It really was just his luck that he chose to visit Metropolis and one of the more destructive rogues started tearing things apart while he was walking to the college he was scouting. And he really should have expected it when something exploded and suddenly the whole city seemed to be burning.

Clark took too long to get there. It wasn’t as much of a self deprecating thought as a fact. By the time he actually took down the criminal that started all this, three blocks were completely engulfed in flames.

His own heart stuttered when he heard a rapidly fluttering heart that kept stopping and starting erratically in the blaze, but he recovered quickly and swooped down to try and save whoever was unfortunate enough to get caught up in the destruction(he ignored how it seemed like it was already too late, and how he hadn’t seen anyone pull through with a heartbeat like that before.) and landed in the rubble that toppled into the street.

The teenager(oh god, it was a teenager, no older than Connor-) reached out and tangled a hand in his cape as soon as he was lifted off the ground. He kept trying to tug him down so Clark could hear him, and when he finally obliged, the kid took a deep breath and rasped:

“Put me in the freezer.”

…What??

[sokoneedsagun]

Dc try not to mischaracterize the Al Ghul’s challenge

[colorfulxsoul]

@amorkuku ’s Dami and Jason