#selfvalkyrie

[sasarie]

A little something for Mercymaker Week.

My Mercymaker week art offerings have been stripped right back to the bare minimum due to some intense pain in my shoulders, hands and elbow (and even my stupid knee). 😭😭 Maybe when this passes I’ll finish up all my big illustrative Mercymaker pieces and share them. I’m really sad because I have so much work to do and no time to be unable to paint right now. Ugh. Note to future self - please, for the love of Widowmaker, TAKE SOME BREAKS.

[sasarie]

Soraka Painting Process

I’ve wanted to paint Soraka for a really long time, so I was really happy when in Feb/March this year I finally found the time to paint her portrait. I tried really hard with this and I loved the final piece when I finished it. But now, only a two months on, all I see is faults. I really want to try painting Soraka again in a few more months when my skills have grown more. This was the first time I ever tried a background like this and I like how it turned out. I also like how I painted her hair, and the rim light around her hair.

Lately I worry that I’m not growing my skills fast enough and I worry that my painting quality is degrading. It’d be good to repaint this and show my future self that even if progress is slow, it’s still progress.

[sasarie]

One really inspiring thing about creating art is knowing that one day you'll become the sum of your inspirations.

[sasarie]

Hello.

I've made this little blog so I have somewhere to share my sketches and my thoughts on creating art while on my art journey. I want to be able to reflect on my growth and progress as time passes. I've been putting off making this tumblr for months now but I finally did it.

[sasarie]

A while ago I discovered manga artist Shizuka Yamaguchi's blog where she listed 100 dreams she had for herself and her career. She updated and reflected on them over time and it was interesting to see her grow and score her dreams through her hard work. I'm doing that for myself so that I have some directions for myself, and also so I can look back in the future to see if my dreams and goals change with time.

I don't know if I have 100 career + personal goals and dreams, so I will just list them as they come. These dreams and goals are an accumulation of years of thinking and dreaming so they might be erratic.

Also, while I truly believe in the value of sharing your aspirations, I think there are some heart's desires that should stay inside yourself. They're the ones that light the brightest fires for you and the ones that it would crush you to hear someone criticise. For the longest time the dream of just being an artist was one of these types of 'heart's desire' for me. I was afraid to share that dream because I knew if I heard negativity around it I would probably listen to it and talk myself out of working towards my dream. So there are a few dreams that I will hold close to me and only share once they’ve been set into motion. :)

My Art & Career Dreams & Goals - 19.11.20

1.Participate in a fanzine for a fandom I love

2. Open a sticker shop online (like Red Bubble)

3. Make 100+ finished pieces

4. Be commissioned by someone who likes my work

5. Have my art used as a thumbnail/background for a music mix on YT (haha is this a corny dream?)

6. Be hired for freelance work

7. Build a portfolio website

8. Make a daily comic (funny, light-hearted, slice of life comic)

9. Publish that comic on Webtoon

10. Release a one-shot story driven webcomic to Webtoon to see if I like writing comics

11. Improve my traditional art to a level that I’m satisfied with

12. Sell 100 stickers

13. Start an art channel on Youtube

14. Sell an original piece of traditional art

15. Sell a print

16. Have some of my own stickers/physical products irl

17. Have a shirt or clothing with my art on it

18. Make a digital zine/pdf of my art or sketches and put it on Gumroad

19. Start a Ko-fi page so I can do mini sketch commissions or something

20. Film a sketchbook tour or maybe a digital sketchbook tour

21. Learn simple animation and make a simple gif

22. Learn how to paint backgrounds

23. Learn how to design fantasy weapons (because I am so bad at this….)

24. Collaborate or art trade with another artist

25. Release a printed book of my art and/or sketches

26. Make an online store that I maintain so I can personally package and ship things to people who enjoy my art

27. Publish some tutorials or mental perspective/motivation posts sharing things I’ve learnt about art making so far

28. Compete a 30 day traditional art challenge

29. Paint some kind of wall or mural piece

30. Publish an art travel journal thing

31. Illustrate for packaging of skin care/beauty products

32. People liking and become fans of my original characters and stories

33. Participate in a Q+A with people who follow my art

34. Be commissioned to illustrate Twitch emotes / banners

35. Be recognised by a game studio for my fan art

36. Approached by a client for freelance work (rather than find it myself)

37. Have my art displayed in a gallery

38. Make seamless patterns/surface design

39. Have a Patreon and people actually want to support me because they value my art

40. Sell my art at a convention

41. Frame and hang a piece of my own art in my home

42. Paint the cover art for a fantasy or magical realism novel

43. Buy a screen tablet with money I make from art

44. Be able to afford to buy from and support artists that inspire me whenever I want

45. Be able to afford to invest money into my own art education

46. Contribute art to a video game

47. Contribute art to a charity event/auction thing

48. My art is used as promotional splash art for tablet/program/art related product etc.

49. Take my Love on a holiday with money I earnt through art

50. Be genuinely proud in myself for making a career out of something I never thought I could do

Okay, I think this is enough dreams for now. Some seem pretty impossible, to be honest… But who knows. I will work towards everything listed and hopefully achieve even more. I feel embarrassed reading through this list but apparently that’s the way sharing your goals is supposed to be.

I’ll check back on this list sometime next year and see what has happened.

[sasarie]

So I’ve been putting an immense amount of pressure on myself lately and it’s causing me massive anxiety when it comes to art (especially painting)... I’ve decided that from now on I’m going to stop caring about the numbers - dollars, followers, likes etc - and start caring about the numbers - the sheer amount of work I produce - for the rest of the year.

I’ve decided that I’m going to chill out and start using this blog more. I’m going to chill out and start using instagram as more like a portfolio (which hopefully makes me stop stressing about the bs of posting daily, or blah blah analytics). I’m going to chill out and just stop using Twitter all together if seeing people constantly fighting over there continues to affect my mental state.

I started making art because I wanted to be able to make it. I keep making art because I love it. I got into this game because I worship my artform and revolve my life around art. I didn’t choose to do any of this so I can be a captive to analytics and watch my mental health and self worth crumble apart slowly because of them.

My journey is still fresh. I am still a green traveller on this road. I don’t think I’ve even dinged to level one yet. It’s not fair for me to put pressure on myself to succeed or whatever when I still should be learning, experimenting, growing and creating. I’m truly grateful for every single person that enjoys the art I make. It is so not fair of my brain, but also the platforms that seem to encourage this warped line of thinking, to use those people’s enjoyment and engagement with my art as some kind of weapon against myself. As an artist, I deserve better from myself than this.

Anyway... This is all dumb. I want more coffee. I hope I make nice art today.