#see I think Barbie’s gonna fucking kill him

[lesbianfakir]

Imagination has been captivated by that poll

[methoughtsphantom]

HELL YEAH CROWN PRINCE PHANTOM whose ectoplasmic signature readings are obviously higher than that of his dad’s, who’s still filtering the corrupted ectoplasm and that takes time, (which is why he only wears the crown and not the ring.) So imagine, imagine that the imaginary of the vengeful angel was only visible to Danny, just like the crown, like imperceptible to human eyes kinda thing. To Batman Red Hood is just another ecto-entity who caught him off guard, and so he has to be better prepared. He goes see the JLD to ask for more information about these entities. They tell him one is the ghost king. Cuz mages can get a read in signatures and one is off the charts level powerful, or maybe Batman just had a scanner I dunno, point is Batman wrongly deduces whose the ghost king in this situation. After all, only one was able to actually display a tangible supernatural form and readings that remained steady during the scan. ((Jason’s are unreliable, funky if he’s not trying and bitch-you-better-start-running if he is.))

So. Batman wants to summon the ghost king. He doesn’t see a reason to involve the JL, just him and Constantine, who’s like ?? I heard there was new management, but…so new that the king’s a literal child?? okay I gotta see this. im putting a bunch of binds and spells so the ghost won’t be able to cross the summoning circle. Like Constantine just has Batman’s initial assessment and a power chart. Bruce’s detailed report indicates the kid has no experience on battle combat and instead just heavily relies on his powers (list of known powers not conclusive), but is still a threat that knows his and his associates secret identity. Curiously, the Bat also put that the kid is heavily suspected of being emotionally compromised.

Anyways

They expect a child.

They get the Red Hood.

Red Hood, who is still a bat, and still trained with assassins. Motherfucker whose ectoplasm readings are again so funky he can pass through the summoning’s restrains and binds as if they are not there. He’s such a little shit about how he’s sprinting the whole thing. He’s ghost adjacent enough he can turn intangible. He’s an expert on combat who can fucking predict what the bat’s planning to pull because he fought alongside him. Dramatic bitch saw Batman and immediately went to throw hands. Especially when the the Bat tries to pull off a gun on him.

Jason: oh so you’re using guns now??? you’re really such a hypocrite!!

Batman: I’m not the one whose letting a child cover for their criminal activities!!

…

Batman, at some point: I would never hurt my own son!!

Jason:

Jason: 🤡

…

Batman: how do you know our identities???

Jason, who didn’t know B knew he knew and who also had a pretty hardcore pretty little liars phase ✨: two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. bitch.

Batman:

Batman: this is confirmation. a dead figure from my past told him i’m Batman

…..

Batman, who’s still trying to see an angle to the Red Hood: You are obviously unfit to take care of a child

Jason:

Danny, 15 and thoroughly done with everyone's crap, steals the Crown of Fire and the Skeleton Key and uses the later to find a suitable new High King for the Infinite Realms. The key (also known as Deaths kay) acted like a sort of Infi-map but lacked the limitations of needing a natural portal to spawn in that time/location and could get you past any wards/protections no mater how powerful.

The key spawns him just in front of the form of a sleeping Jason Todd, and Danny decided he wasn't going to question the magical keys judgment and just plops the crown on a bleary and startled Jasons head.

The crown burned for this guy, signaling that it found him worthy and that was more than enough for Danny.

With no context whatsoever, Danny looked Jason in the eye, burning neon green meeting with wide greenish blue, "You're our king now."

Then he vanished.

Jason later finds that the Lazarus entity left behind a handmade pamphlet. It was immensely unhelpful.

[koolades-world]

Demons and Humans not understanding each other

Inspired by several other posts I read about this same thing <3 honestly even if the brothers insisted it was safe, I would consult Satan, Lucifer or Barbatos

this is mostly mammon freaking out

Humans think the deadliest things are like, adorable, like Cerberus. Mammon especially does not understand why Mc wants to run towards the very dangerous, very mad three headed dog. A few times he has had to throw Mc over his shoulder to keep them from staying behind

“MC CERBERUS BEING THE BEST BOY DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS HE WANTS TO KILL US”

“But he’s so cute! He just needs a snuggle buddy”

Humans can also be very stubborn if they’re too hot or cold but refuse to admit it. It’s fine with Lucifer does it because he’s one of the most powerful and therefore resilient demons in Hell, but not so much when Mc does it. Beel and Mammon love playing in the Devildom snow, but given that it’s the Devildom, it’s definitely a lot colder than it is in the human realm. Even after ten layers, Mc is still freezing but refuses to admit it.

“Mc, are ya shivering? I thought ya would be too warm under all that”

“I’m sweating with this one jacket”

“I’ll live! Let’s go back to the snowman”

“no I don’t think you will”

On the same note, sometimes demons forget humans can’t withstand crazy temperatures. Asmo will invite Mc to a popular bathhouse, sauna or hot springs, forgetting that the temperature would literally boil Mc alive

“Hey Asmo this is the place you wanted to go, right?”

“Yes! Isn’t is cute?”

“Everything except the part where I boil alive”

“what!”

Some foods can kill humans just by being near them so imagine how the brother would feel when they learned this, it’s giving that lunatic pudding incident with Diavolo from that one card

“Mc! You’ll love this. Open wide!”

“Asmo I feel funny”

“DO NOT FEED MC THE TAKEOUT LUCIFER SAID ITS DEADLY FOR HUMANS IN LARGE AMOUNTS”

“FUCK NOT AGAIN”

In retrospect, humans probably sleep a lot compared to demons. Some demons probably don’t sleep at all, except Sloth demons. Setting aside about eight to nine hours of the day just to sit idly might not make sense to them until they learn they will shut down without it

“How are you feeling about the exam we just took? Exam week is finally over.”

“Mc? Mc, Satan is talking to you. Why are you on the floor”

“MY HUMAN IS DEAD”

“No, I think they’re just asleep idiot”

“oh. wait, THEYRE ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL lucifer is gonna kill me”

I’d say both demons and humans are social creatures, but humans will go insane without social interaction. Yeah a demon would probably be upset if they didn’t talk to someone for thousands of years but I don’t think a human could last more than ten without losing grip on reality. Humans tend to copy each other, which is probably bizarre to demons. Humans don’t even understand yawning so demons definitely won’t

Going back to the food thing, demons can probably go ages without eating, besides Gluttony demons. Humans need to eat so frequently compared to them

“So you’re tellin’ me that if Mc doesn’t eat for a whole week, their insides start to eat themselves?!”

“Yes. But, Mc ate a few hours ago.”

(Mammon was already gone when Satan turned back around)

Demons probably also play game that would definitely kill humans. My brother and I used to play crazy games when we were little (our favorite game didn’t have a name but we would put Barbies in the toy train tracks and see what would happen when different Thomas and friends character would hit her. The train tracks would glow in the dark! I did not let him put my favorite doll in the train track and he had to listen since I was the older one, she was not a barbie and had bendy feet? that’s not for now) but we never seriously got at each other throats. I cannot imagine what games demons and demon children must play. Satan was born fully grown but imagine if he was born little and the brothers had to play his favorite games with him. I feel like they would find the Barbie game I played a little weird too. Like, they would probably tell me that I should’ve done it in real life since that would be better experience or something batshit like that

“Aww, Satan, do you remember all the times we played “Five minute eye stab” with Lucifer? You were so cute. Sometimes I think Luci let you win.”

“Do not talk to me Asmodeus.”

“I’m sorry, you played what?”

“One time we gave him an actual knife by accident and since he was good, he ended up stabbing Lucifer’s eye.”

“You’ll be next if you don’t shut up and let me read”

“HE WHAT”

“Oh he’s fine now, clearly. Only took him a few hundred years to regain normal eye functions”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?”

Babe it is a miracle Mc is still alive

[astonmartinii]

into the arms of another part four | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

wedding bells are ringing, but so are charles' ears because no one will stop talking about whether he'll make an appearance on the big day

part one | part two | part three | masterlist | tips

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff1 and 704,390 others

yourusername: a night to remember where you don't remember much of it

view all comments

user1: how do i become part of this friendship group? real answers only.

maxverstappen1: how do i get to marry HER?

danielricciardo: i ask myself that everyday

maxverstappen1: that's not very girls support girls of you daniel

yourusername: yeah daniel, not being a girl's girl in the summer of barbie, i thought more of you...

danielricciardo: lets not get ahead of ourselves here

user2: y/n and max tag teaming daniel is my favourite thing from this relationship

danielricciardo: tag team? don't give me any ideas

yourusername: DANIEL?

maxverstappen1: DANIEL?

danielricciardo: do NOT pretend that y'all have not thought about it

maxverstappen1: we are getting married in a week do not proposition us for a threesome in a public instagram comment section

user3: max pretending like he's never thought about it

user4: how did we get to this point

yourbff1: threesome talk aside, we're so hot

maxverstappen1: hard agree

yourusername: i love you

yourbff1: i love you too

yourusername: and i love you too

yourbff1: you meant max didn't you ...

yourusername: maybe...

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,209,831 others

tagged: danielricciardo

maxverstappen1: this is a public service announcement do NOT let daniel ricciardo plan your stag party because you will not remember a single thing

view all comments

user7: the way like 80% of the grid were at this except charles ...

user8: wow colour me shocked he didn't invite the one guy who keeps disrespecting his fiancee to the stag party

danielricciardo: ummmmm this is false? you had a great time.

maxverstappen1: maybe i did all i know is that the bathroom on that plane did not enjoy it i don't think i can touch vodka ever again

danielricciardo: that was all you big boy, you don't know your limit

yourusername: glad to see you didn't kill him before our wedding

danielricciardo: i am really not liking the lack of faith in me

yourusername: he's literally passed out in the second picture daniel

danielricciardo: he's just taking a snooze RIGHT @maxverstappen1

maxverstappen1: yeah ... i just needed my beauty sleep

yourusername: erm you don't need any beauty sleep pretty boy

maxverstappen1: oh, why thank you 😊

user9: she's literally marrying you babe and ur STILL BLUSHING WHEN SHE CALLS YOU PRETTY

user10: this is really not a good sign for charles attending the wedding

user11: yall ever get tired of bringing this shit up HE FUCKED UP this is merely the consequences of his own actions.

user12: and according to mr. leclerc him and max aren't friends so why would he be invited?

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 1,346,780 others

tagged: maxverstappen1, yourusername

danielricciardo: max is currently passed out on my shoulder after talking for an hour straight about how much he loves y/n so here's my favourite pictures of them before they're officially married.

view all comments

user13: why am i actually dead ass crying over this?

user14: no cause the circumstances have been an actual shit show so i'm glad they've managed to get through it and are finally gonna tie the knot !!

user15: i've been in the literal trenches defending y/n and this relationship i deserve an invite to this wedding

yourusername: @maxverstappen1 omg we're so hot

maxverstappen1: i think you're the hot one babe

yourusername: you're literally the hottest man in the world STOP TALKING DOWN ON YOURSELF

maxverstappen1: i know, i know. i'm amazing, sexy and beautiful.

yourusername: TOO RIGHT

user16: is this ^^ positive affirmations

yourusername: yes, he's way too amazing to not believe that himself

user17: so like do they maybe want to adopt me?

landonorris: so as the sexiest groomsmen, can i have the scoop on whether there'll be any sexy bridesmaid

maxverstappen1: who said you're the sexiest?

landonorris: well since charles is out of the running there's a clear winner here - ME

danielricciardo: assuming the best man is not in this conversation cause my face card clears yours

user18: WAIT WHAT

user19: so it's confirmed, he's missing his best friend's wedding over him being petty, all hope in men is gone

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 1,340,944 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: no words. love of my life. best day ever. i love you forever maxy

view all comments

user25: OMFG IT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL

fernandoalo_oficial: a really beautiful ceremony for my favourites, enjoy your honeymoon and make some time for the old man

yourusername: thank you for coming fernando and thank you for the literal snowmobile idk what we'll do with it but thank you

user26: what kind of a wedding gift is a SNOWMOBILE?

maxverstappen1: a sick one? thanks nando

danielricciardo: what a wonderful day, you guys are so perfect together, thank you for letting me be a part of your day

maxverstappen1: HE CRIED AHAHAHHAHAAHA HE LOVES US SO MUCH HE CRIED

danielricciardo: ummm obviously i watched you pine over her for as long as i've known you. you guys deserve this happiness after everything

yourusername: daniel we love you and your speech was so amazing i nearly cried all of my makeup off

user27: the way the old charles would've given such a banging speech i am in mourning

user28: girl it's their literal wedding post leave the comments about charles for once

sebastianvettel: lovely ceremony you too, much love to your future - seb, hanna and the kids xx

yourusername: thank you for coming seb !! love you guys, let us know if you want us to babysit

maxverstappen1: thank you for your support through all of this seb, you guys are the best

user29: so charles really got no one in his corner lol

maxverstappen1

liked by landonorris, christianhorner and 1,607,899 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: in sickness and in health, the biggest honour of my life is being your husband

view all comments

user30: this is my barbie this does not get any better for me

christianhorner: a wonderful ceremony for the loveliest couple, very grateful to be included in your special day.

masverstappen1: thank you for being there for me, and for not standing on y/n's dress with your two left feet

user31: yall gonna give any context?

user32: i think he's referring to the fact that christian filled the role jos would have at the wedding and during the parents dance, christian would've had a dance with y/n !!

user31: i think my heart just melted wedding of the century

user33: seeing all the wedding content without charles is so weird the whole time we've known y/n her and charles were attached at the hip :/

user34: i beg yall leave it out for one day, he could've been there HE HAD THE INVITATION but he didn't so leave it out

redbullracing: officially THE f1 couple ���

landonorris: congratulations and all that jazz but WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT PUNCH

yourusername: sorry lando i gave them the uni recipe

landonorris: oscar was sick on my shoes MY BEAUTIFUL SHOES

maxverstappen1: just send us the bill i can hear you bitching from our room

oscarpiastri: for the record THEY sat me next to kimi and seb and i tried to aim away from your shoes but the world was spinning

user35: okay i need to know the seating plan for this wedding ASAP

excerpt of the podcast interview of y/n y/ln-verstappen.

yourusername

liked by landonorris, maxvertsappen1 and 1,905,988 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: my honeymoooooooooooooon with my super sexy and lovely HUSBAND

view all comments

user36: okay i've had enough of the cute posts WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?

user37: i crack myself up thinking about them setting up a lil tripod to take these

yourusername: and?

maxverstappen1: we're serving cunt x

user38: did yall see y/n's podcast interview?

user39: yes i'm glad she's got her closure now and can fully move on with her life

alexalbon: you guys are so sickeningly sweet i love you morons

yourusername: why thank you alex

lilymunhe: he said he deserves compensation for his half a season of listening to max pine

maxverstappen1: people think i'm embarrassed of that when LOOK AT MY WIFE OBVIOUSLY I WOULD PINE

maxverstappen1: and bro your apology was the open bar at the wedding

alexalbon: you guys are underestimating just how much this guy spoke about y/n

yourusername: fine we'll post in our albon shoes

albon_pets: this is why we love you y/n

user39: no charles comment... you hear that? peace.

note: i hope yall enjoyed this probably final part of into the arms of another. i hope it wasn’t disappointing lol i love this pairing with all my heart. (also wrote this at 4am on my couch after a MASSIVE FUCK OFF house spider came in my room (my dad said he killed it when i woke him up at 2am) but i was too scared to stay) xx

[lovexjoe]

In Love With A Stripper Part 1 

Synopsis: what happens when a big time cartel meets a stripper? Warning: drugs, language, mention of death, prostitution 

Xiomara was turning 19 today. She’s been stripping since she was 18 and no this isn’t one of those “trying to get to the bag” stories. She doesn’t have a choice. Her boyfriend at the time was killed during a bad drug deal. Which left her to raise a son all on her own. Stripping pays the bills and teaching during the day allows her to save up. She’s trying to move back to the States, if she was by herself she would just pick up and go. But Ricky needed stability and daycare cost a lot in the US on top of housing. 

Tonight was a big night at the strip club as the cartels are celebrating a birthday today. Ricky was with his grandma, who truly felt sorry that Xiomara had to do this. Her son passing the way he did wasn’t ideal but he made his bed and now he sleeps in it 6ft under. Xiomara still provided money to her because her late boyfriend always helped out and it was one of his last wishes. Plus she really was the only family she had. 

Her stage name was Luna. She had one rule, never sleep with anybody. Her friend Chichi at the club informed her she might have to give it up for one night, cause these men pay. They were currently in the alley way grabbing some cocaine and other pills for the girls back at the strip. It helped numb the pain from the heels or whatever reason they had to do it. Spinning around on a pole looking like a fucking Barbie doll will do it to you. She never judged, she just never participated. 

“Chichi dale! I don’t want the rest of the girls getting the best poles. I got stuck on the loose one in the back yesterday and almost busted ass” Xio grew impatient as they wait for the plug to pull up. She acted a certain way around these girls to blend in. During the day she was squeaky clean for the kids she taught. They waited another minute when a man showed up, his eyes meeting Xio’s immediately. She stared at him back as she watched their transaction. He looked filthy rich yet here he was making a quick buck off of women. Disgusting. 

“You doing sum of this?” He looks at her and she shakes her head. 

“Nah not for me.” Interesting he thought. It wasn’t for him either. Her Bambi eyes making her look innocent. She’s still a stripper after all….

“We’ll see you inside Aretas! Move ya ass Luna we’re late already!” Chichi walked as fast as she could in her heels with Xio trailing behind her. 

“You’re not gonna say thank you?” He calls out to her. Xio turns and salutes him. 

“Thanks jefe!” Xio says before laughing to herself. To think that’s what Andres was doing before he left this earth left a sour taste in her mouth. An interaction like that cost him his life. 

~~~~

The girls dove into their choice of drug before heading out on the floor. Xio touched up her lipgloss, sprayed her perfume and headed out on stage. Armando entered the strip with a group of his homies. Tonight was a night for celebration. What’s being in the cartel and committing crime if you can’t celebrate right? His mom’s escape is set for next week, so they have to blend and do their usual shenanigans which is going out. Laying low would cause some suspicions. 

The girl from earlier caught his eye. She seemed pretty young to be working in the strip but then he remembered Mexico wasn’t all it was made out to be. Yes, it’s beautiful but you get caught up with the wrong crowd your future vanishes in an instant. The strip club had a scent of perfume, hookah and sweat. Not the greatest pairings. He saw Chichi his regular, they usually vibe together but tonight….he wanted her. After drinking and vibing out with his friends they all disperse to their private rooms for a dance. 

“Alright lover boy. Who you picking tonight. It’s on the house.” Armando glances around as the manager of this place follows his eyes. He saw her, rotating the pole so elegantly, her eyes alone could make a man empty his pockets. He nods his head in her direction. 

“Her.” 

“Luna! She’s the youngest one here. Have at it pal!” Armando tensed up wanting to punch him in his shit but realized this environment comes with that type of fuckery. He walks over to her, admiring as she spins her way down from the top of the pole to the bottom. She started to dance around the pole, working her body to the beat. They both lock eyes as she walks over to him like a pretty little kitten. 

“May I have a dance? Birthday boy is owed it.” She looks him up and down, taking his hand and leading him to the back. She was thinking about their interaction earlier. So the drug dealer that was outside was Aretas not some random. Well….at least the bills will be paid for months for these girls. He is what everyone says he is: handsome but those looks definitely killed.

He sits down as the music changed to Persian Rugs by PartyNextDoor. She closes the curtain, walking over to him, touching from his shoulders down to his thighs her hands slowly glided. If she was gonna go against her rules for one night it was going to be worth it. She’d rather it be him then some old fuck anyway. Turning around, she starts to give him a lap dance and he’s completely in a trance. 

He’s come in here a handful of times and nothing left him satisfied, but this one she has him hooked. He hoped she was new because if he has overlooked her this entire time he’d be annoyed. Simply because she doesn’t try too much as if she’s just trying to slip under the radar. She worked her waist line and he couldn’t help but touch her as she grinds her ass against him. His hands falling on her waist, he took control, making her grinds slow and pressed up against his bulge. 

You’re usually not suppose to touch, but the way his hands steered her body she didn’t want to object. His cologne and natural scent just gave off money and gave her stomach butterflies too. He made her slow down, her pussy completely pressed up on his bulge. She started to feel herself getting hot. She hasn’t been with anyone since Andres passing a year ago. What’s up with her and drug dealers anyway?! 

He pulls her backwards so she’s completely laying against his chest as she starts to ride his thigh. Her body was so sensitive she could feel every movement against her clit. What the fuck is happening right now. He caresses her cheek, tilting her face to look up at him. 

“Fuck mami, can I kiss you?” Their foreheads touching. 

“Yes” she says breathless. Without hesitation their lips touched, Armando didn’t know what came over him tonight, but it was his birthday after all and she seem to be the only girl that didn’t throw herself at him. She turns her body around to face him. Her hands pulling his body as close as she could have him. Their bodies just melted into each other like as if they were made for this moment. Two puzzle pieces. Armando feels her shaky breaths against his lips and knew this wasn’t an occurrence on a daily basis or probably ever. Most of these strippers were numbed down to the bones yet this Bambi eyed princess has nerves. 

They slowly pull away, but he holds her still. She shouldn’t be cooped up in the club and ogled at. She seemed too delicate to be working here, her skin so soft but her hands had callouses. He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“Get dressed, you’re coming with me.” 

“I-I can’t I have to stay here or else-“ 

“I’ll handle it. Just get dressed for me and I’ll pick you up out back.” She agrees and heads out to the dressing room. She didn’t think she had a choice in that decision. She texted Andres’s mom letting her know that she’ll be out for the rest of the night. She changed into her cargo pants and t shirt with sneakers and heading out back.

She has no idea where this night will take her. 

Taglist: @yeahnohoneybye @cardi-bre91 @onlysarang @romanreignsluver1 @minwn

@armandosbabymama @dyttomori @bbyplutosblog @vergilnelosparda @believeinthefireflies95

Let me know your thoughts below 🤍

[respectthepetty]

Pit Babe Colors Finale

I'm challenging myself with this show and seeing how good my color skills really are, so I'm doing my normal thing of watching it double-speed on mute, but now, the captions are off also.It's just colors and vibes here. It's been a chaotic journey, but it finally ends today, most likely with a character death, so . . .

Disclaimer: I'm just screaming this entire post.

Surprising absolutely no one, Barbara immediately forgave Charles. Like I wrote last week, I'll hold this grudge for both of us, Babe.

If this bastard is still alive by the end of this, there is no justice in the world.

Did he just give them a key to get out? They could just walk through a door, but . . . I'll take it. Kentana is trying to redeem himself. Now, KILL YOUR SHITTY FATHER, and you will earn the top place in my heart.

Don't do it, Way Way. Don't. I see you eyeing that man, but you will take zero bullets for Pete or Babe. Am I clear?! NONE! I don't care if you are wearing white compared to everyone else's black. You will not die. No.

I'm not even going to say shit about these two's colors because BIG RED JUST KILLED A KID!

OH FUCK! HE IS KILLING EVERYONE!

KIMBERLY! I LOVE YOU!

And this is why you deserve to die. Who does something like this? It's not a porn, sir. This is a murder. You're about to die. Not get laid.

WAYMOND, NO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING DO THIS! NOOOOOOOOOO!

I know it's blood, but the 'smoke' being red too is great and I need more of it as BIG RED DIES FOR KILLING WAY WAY!

Y'all are letting Big Red talk too much while Way Way is just bleeding out on the floor, and I just need one of y'all to apply pressure to the wound so Way has a fighting chance. Please for the love of God. PLEASE! LET WAY LIVE!

Oh, shit, this is awful. Do NOT think about any good memories with this man who wore red in the past but no longer does for some wacky reason. Those memories are all tainted. He is awful. KILL HIM ALREADY AND GET WAY WAY TO THE HOSPITAL!

I HATE HIM! Barbara, don't you trade your life for Charles. Don't fucking do it. Charles came back from the dead once. He can do it again. KILL BIG RED ALREADY!

OH MY FUCKING GOD, YES! I LOVE KENTA! KILL HIM!

YOU KILLED YOUR SHITTY FATHER! YOU'VE DONE WHAT NO OTHER BL BOY HAS EVER DONE!

YOU WON MY HEART!

Now, someone go hug him! Pete what the fuck are you doing?! One boyfriend is dying and another is breaking down. DO SOMETHING, PETER!

I knew this was going to happen! I knew Way was gonna die taking a bullet for Babe. I knew it, and I'm still upset! WHY?! Why can't Peter have TWO boyfriends?! Why do we always have to kill someone to redeem them and to cancel them out of the poly plot equation. LET POLY HAPPEN!

Fuck, Alan is crying.

FUCK!

I will not be pacified with Jeffrey finally being consumed by blue. I'm still very upset about Way Way having to die instead of Peter just having two boyfriends.

Vegas' Hedgehog, I'm so over your ass! Red flowers?! At Way's funeral?! That is sooooo rude! What is wrong with you?! Read the room, you pretty bitch! RED IS OUT! Way died for the blue! THE BLUE!

I hate this necklace. I hate that Way is dead instead of being taken care of by his two boyfriends. Where the hell is Ken anyway?! Why is he not holding Peter's hand right now? WHAT IS THIS LIE?!

I trust your dad, Barbie, because he is wearing blue, but you have had to cry a thousand tears this episodes, and I pray like GMMTV's First, you stay hydrated because crying can wreck havoc on a thirsty body.

Y'all cannot fuck the grief away in the blue. You can try, but Waymond is still gonna be dead instead of having two boyfriends. This is a real problem, and I want it addressed. RIGHT NOW!

KIMBERLY! YOU'RE BLUE NOW!

Everyone is in blue, and then we have Vegas' fucking Hedgehog in those damn orange pants, and . . . AHHHHHHH *starts throwing clothes around the room and out the window*

Barbie is lighter. He is still black, but now he has the white mixed with it while he looks longingly into the eyes of his Blue Boy (who lied to him several times including lying about his death, pero I'll carry this grudge for both of us, Barbara)

Now why the fuck are you wearing red, Alan?! Why won't this show just let me have nice things?!

So . . . now that this is all over and I, unsurprisingly, did NOT get poly nor Kenta x Pete, I will be unblocking the tags because seeing black boxes on my dash is driving me crazy, and I need to reblog some GIFs of Kimberly, Alan, and Waymond x Peter x Kentana to fill this huge void in my heart where a poly plot would have perfectly fit.

I will never go back and watch this show with subs. Never. Whatever I got from it was exactly what I needed to get from it, and I need nothing else. Because what I got was a boy FINALLY deciding to

KILL HIS SHITTY FATHER

Kenta, you deserve my respect. You loved Pete. You helped all the guys in your own way. You killed your shitty dad. You committed queer wrongs, and I forgive every single one of them. You deserve a happy life, and I hope you are laying in Pete's bed with his arms around you thinking about what y'all will have for breakfast, so he can read your mind and go make it for you.

I like you.

I respect you.

I love you.

And so does Pete.

GIVE ME POLY, DAMN IT!

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

What are your opinions on each of the songs? (you can answer with as much or as little detail as you'd like)

Big shocker that the songs from the 2 good episodes are in S and the only one that isn’t is still B tier/sar

The first 2 songs in S made me either tear up/shake violently or cry, and therefore they deserve to be up there IMO. Out for love is also just genuinely catchy and had actual build up to it. Also God “Ready for This” just. OOUGGGHHH IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN SO GOOD LIKE A WARRIOR CATS MAP. I like it a lot. You cant have multiple characters sing about working together and expect me to NOT cry.

“Stayed Gone” isn’t one I listen to often but it’s so peppy and fast and full of hatred I can’t help but enjoy it. Also everytime the song starts my brain does this

I dont know anything about Welcome Home

I have. Issues. With “Loser, Baby” but aside from those the song holds a lot more weight to it than I usually give it credit for. And for as cheesy as the start if it is, the line before of Angel talking about self destructing resonates with me a lot. Also Husk lays down in a puddle of vomit and no one talks about that ever.

I think the first song in B is “Happy Day in Hell” and I’m adding it there 1. Because it is the first song 2. It gets a reprise thing 3. Charlie almost gets hit by a truck. Other than that it’s not really my favourite but I respect the impact it has.

“Hell is Forever” just fucks. End of story. Alex Brightman killed it.

“Respectless” is good I love Velvette’s VA, but the sudden start of the song and the ending are so out of left field the first time me and my friends watched this show we had to pause cause we lost our fucking minds. Could’ve been better but I’d listen to it again, yeah.

“Hell’s Greatest Dad” is silly and funny and maybe I’m biased as a violin player and jazz enjoyer but a lot of the instrumental tickles my brain so nicely. I will say though it confuses me so much because why does Alastor care about being seen as a father figure?? My mom said it could just be him wanting to show up Lucifer and that’s it but I dunno.

“More than Anything (Reprise)” AKA “Charlie and Veggie Kiss Scene - Hazbin Hotel”

This song sounds like it’s straight out of Barbie & Th Diamond Castle and I’m honestly pissed the girls in the movie didn’t kiss so I’m coping with this. ALSO THE FACT ITS A REPRISED SONG ABOUT LOVE MAKES ME A BIT CRAZY. I never noticed this was the same song Lucifer sang to Charlie SOMEHOW but that’s actually really cute.

“It Starts With Sorry” Has a big part in Sir Pentious’s character growth and just his character in general. I’ve been working on this in my Pentious rant but I never see people mention how much this song probably meant to him. Yeah it’s super corny, but he was fully expecting to be killed and had just been told to kill himself. This was definitely huge for him and I’m not gonna be convinced otherwise.

“You Didn’t Know” is really good but Lute’s part is by far the best and I pray to GOD she gets her own song in S2 her voice actor can SING. GODDAMN! I am very interested in Lute’s character development and I love seeing what people do with close-minded characters like that and hopefully Vivzie doesn’t condemn her to Vivziepop Woman Syndrome. If she isn’t important in S2 I’m going to be pissed but I dunno maybe S3 if we get one.

“More Than Anything” Wish my dad was like this! This song is incredibly sweet and I appreciate it a lot. Honestly might go way higher on the list if I keep thinking about it.

“Whatever It Takes” Sorry you will never be Imagine Dragons. Vaggie doesn’t sound anything like herself cause her VA is making her voice so much more gruff for her character, which is fine! I like her voice (the voice direction is not very good but I digress) it’s just her voice is so high in this I can’t even tell it’s Vaggie.

“Welcome to Heaven” is boring, but we got a Molly cameo!

“Poison”. Read this and this and this. -10/10. I’d rather make out violently with Elon Musk.

[rist-ix]

The sparxshipping teasing from Iginio got me wondering.... if we ever did get canon sparxshipping explored, whether in a reboot or new adaptation, how would you like it for it to be done?

I'm gonna try to answer both of these in one post cause they overlap a little, but first of all thank you!

Buckle up fellas I'm bringing discourse.

This is gonna be a bit of an unpopular opinion I think, and it’s that I don’t want sparxshipping to be canon at all.

Feel free to get the pitchforks, but until then imma talk. I have villainships that I think not only add something to the overall plot, they kind of define it too. Reylo for examples, with its themes of redemption, masks and compassion, or Darklina and how important their relationship is to the war and Grisha oppression, or Lotor and Allura with its symbolism of breaking the cycle of abuse, making peace, reclaiming a heritage thought lost and so on.

To put it very briskly: an established Sparxshipping relationship adds nothing to the plot. It would have to be a plot of its own, and while there are tons of fascinating plot threads you could weave back into Domino, Bloom's family and the war before the Fall, it is simply, plainly, and rightfully so not the story Winx Club is telling.

Winx Club, at its core, is about the girls and their friendship. That is the show I love, and that is the show I am invested in. Fanfiction is a separate thing, I’ll get into that later. But canon, commercially produced and globally aired Winx Club is what we are talking about now. And the one defining truth of Winx Club is that it’s about the Winx. Their boyfriends are the side note, the Kens to their Barbies, to cement them as the cool popular teenagers younger kids are supposed to see them as. If Bloom and Valtor had a lasting serious relationship, Valtor would inevitably have to be shoved into that category as well, and that would ruin the entire appeal of him.

To boil it down even more: if sparxshipping were canon, either Winx Club would have to shift away from its intrinsic premise and formula, or Valtor would have to be diminished beyond recognition. So my longstanding opinion has always been: don’t make sparxshipping canon. Just don’t.

What I, personally, would do if I were ever to gain access to the mythical and likely overcrowded writing room at Rainbow SpA, is this:

Tease the fuck out of it.

Lean into their fucked up little hate-obsession. Every time they share the screen they have to be radiating unresolved sexual tension. Their chemistry has to be so off-the-charts it sparks a million fanfics before the season even ends. If there aren’t so many crappy amv's set to angsty Taylor swift songs it brings down the YouTube servers by midnight you have failed. Because canon is bound to certain limits, but fanfiction is NOT. The goal of any show should be to create something that will awaken an inescapable need to build on it, to continue where it left off, or to wonder but-what-if? To make people text incoherent keysmashes to their fandom buddies with shaky hands in the middle of the night and be unable to sleep until they’ve confirmed their buddy has seen it too.

I would want to see Bloom go fully I-have-lost-sight-of-everything-but-revenge until her friends manage to pull her back, I would want them to fight so vehemently the structures around them collapse and they don’t even notice. They should be in situations where they are UNDENIABLY going to die if they fight on and they still do it, they literally CANNOT stop, they don’t care to. To the point that everyone around them is seriously concerned and talking about their terrifying obsession with each other, more or less out in the open. And after a season full of epic fight scenes, high stake conflicts and frankly obscene tension between them, I would want Bloom to kill him.

Straight up.

Give her that moment of calm self assurance, at peace and perfectly in control, while Valtor tries to gaslight-gatekeep-girlboss his way out of this, contrasting the way her support network and genuine, unconditional friendships strengthen her while Valtor, who is always sabotaging everyone around him, is forced to confront his own powerlessness in the face of the power that created him. His manipulation attempts have nothing to latch on to. They have one last exchange where Valtor is visibly furious at her denial of him / his own failure — to really drive home that this is Bloom's triumph — but the last words they exchange are cordial. Maybe a comment at her growth, or a warning about his mothers, or another way to foreshadow future threats — if he couldn’t defeat her, no one should. He ends on a high note, but he does end, and it’s at Bloom's hands. She retakes the corrupted spark into the Flame she is guarding, and that is that.

And then, and this is important. He fucking haunts her for the entire next story arc. The next season, the next two seasons maybe, because she has learned a fuck ton of things from him and it is really, really difficult to move on knowing everything she does, knowing everything he implied or hinted at, or simply knowing so many really, really cruel ways to get her way now, which isn’t who she wants to be, but it would be easy, quick and effective for the greater good, right?

Boom, character conflict for the next season established, lots of potential for future flashbacks or visions, Valtor stays on his high horse of forever-the-juiciest-fucking-villain-of-the-franchise and the story can move on.

The End

Cue three decades of mind-blowing fanfiction. We all say Thank you Rainbow and cry ourselves to sleep thinking about what could have been.

[discotitsposts]

true genius-

my actual favorite episode ever ever ever I’m SO INSANE FOR THIS EPIDODE

this is like the first one o watched on my own ITS SO GOOD

reid centered so yayy

this is how i fell in love w him

spoilers ahead

YAYYYYY NOSTALGIA!!!!!!!

lol typical making out in a car

DID I MENTION THISBIS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE EPISODE

FINN WITTROCK IS IN THIS TOO

the zodiac killer case is so interesting like wym dude never got caught

A FETISH FOR TREES

POOR BABY IS SO NERVOUS

ITS HIS BJRTBDAY IN THIS EP TOO

the cOUGHING

“yes a fetish for trees” HES SO AWKWARD I LOVE YOU REID

no he LEAVES NOOO

lol this guy runs a company

The way if reid was at a conference i’d run and be listening to every word

awww reid’s sad :(

rossi lol “no way” yes way

this is so interesting like how did bro get the original artifacts from the real case (i know how he did it)

reid reid reid!!!!

imagine if spencer knew how many people love him and write fanfic about him LMAO

he’d be a little terrified let’s be honest

but just a little

UGH EVERYONES SO HOT

“three can keep a secret if two are dead” i thought this was criminal minds not pretty little liars

i can’t even tell you how many times i’ve seen this episode

like this is MY episode i claim this one lol

CHESS YOUNKNOW WHO ELSE LIKES CHESS

SPENCER

bros playing chess on break

SPENCERRRRRR

lol enlightening

he wants the printed out version of the paper 💞💞

the way spencer just knew this wasn’t the real zodiac killer is why i was like this guys great 💞💞💞 my heart

AHHHHHHAHEJDJWBEWJWIROSOWBDBEKENFNF

IM SO EXCITED TI BE WATCHING THIS ONE

it’s so funny because i’ll be watching this show and this is my view

the barbie’s r like wtf

THIS GUY LYING ABOUT HIS COUISN

lol reid ended this guy

LOL

LUCKILY I GUESS ITS NOT YOUR COUSIN AHAHAH ATE

FINN WITTROCK💞💞

LOL his presentation

“your soulmate is standing before you now” is he talking about the lady or himself

i remember originally watching this because finn wittrock but fell for spencer/matthew instead lol

i like this detective from the local pd

“where do people find the time” lol reid

dr spencer reid i love your mind

“youre not as smart as you think you are” 😫😫😫💞💞💞SIR IM STUPID FOR YOU 💞💞💞

REID IN PURPLEEEEEE

OMG HES STANDING IN THE SUNLUGHT

y’all have to see this

UGHHHH💞🕳️🕳️🕳️💞💞💞

profile!!

REID AT THE COFFE SHOP STOEOEJDWH

dude has a detective board

lol he thinks she wants to call off the wedding

bro she doesn’t want you

REID NO YOUVE PASSED EXPECTSTIONS YOURE PERFECT I LOVE YOU

“How old are you 29,”

“I’m 30” NOOOOOOOOOOO

nikola tesla my beloved

emily lol

doesn’t he accidentally see a pattern lol dudes so smart

emily’s little smile lol

for he

god he’s so smart

the problem is i think i could understand the code and idk my iq but it’s prob not 160 or above

how do u even calculate that shit

reid’s face is perfect

the taxi driver, didn’t he kidnap the best friends wife from the back of the cab

i don’t think i made this very clear but this is my favorite episode EVER

i’m gonna fucking bite spencer if he keeps being so adorable

finn ain’t no angel in this

vegas!! matthew’s hometown

REID IN THE BACKGROUND

heTALKSK SO FAST I LOVENIT SM

mY leg itcjes

i also would like to catch the zodiac

REID ON THE FHAIR

staring at nothing

HAHAH

best friend activities

REIDS HANDS MOVE SO FAST

i need him now

aDmiT iT yOure HaVing FuUuN

i literally can’t get cozy

A CHESS SWUARE

listening to him💞 💋

no matches

doesn’t he plant a piece of evidence

yep

they found him

o love when reid comes up behind him

bro kidnapped his future wife

UEAH THEY KILLED SOMEONE OMG

it’s spencer reid’s world we’re just living in it

bro said “sanctimonious” wtf does that mean

“not really” 💞💞💞💞💞

the vest 😫😫💞💞

i don’t think harvey here is going to shanghai anymore he going to jail

SULPHURIC ACID dude that’s insane

LOL REID “i’m sure he’ll send you a postcard”

AWWW REID AND HIS COFFEE

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

spencer reid you’ve made the biggest difference in my life 💘💘💘

AWWWWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPENCER

lol morgan the way he’s in his 40s now😭

awww him blowing out the candles he looks so happy

the end

MY FAVORITE EPISODE MWAH MY BELOVED 💋💋💋💋

[thiccowlladylife]

So, I lied about soon. Sorry!

Anyways thoughts on Unhappy Campers...

Good:

Nurse at the beginning being a decent plus-sized design and not taking Blitzø's shit? Chef's kiss (She looks like a Rebecca. I'mma call her Rebecca from now on)

Little aquatic sinner dude design is cool. Plus, he seems chill!

What's this??? Millie finally gets some character development? Holy shit!

Barbie Wire debut! And she still hates Blitzø by the end of the episode, justifiably so!

No real Loona scenes and/or Stolas.

Bad:

Why is that sinner dude in hell? What did this guy do to end up in hell? Unless the whole shtick is that heaven is way too strict that almost no one gets in (and that's why hell as an overpopulation problem in HH, which leads to a whole other issue I'm not gonna start on here)

Also, I don't think the sinner dude specified he wanted his killer killed? He just wanted to know who did it? So why is Moxxie/Millie so determined to kill him? (Also, we never see the prices that IMP sets for their hits)

The entire premise of the camp guise. Why is Moxxie so petty about doing this whole routine when he's always been the efficient one before? (Although, I'm certain the only reason they "solved" the identity of the killer immediately instead of making the whole episode a who-dunnit has to deal with my next point...)

Speaking of the guise, the hired assassins doing drag to infiltrate a kid/preteen camp and harassing the campers the entire episode (with really gross sexual undertones the entire time)... really underscores bad stereotypes and paranoia bigots espouse about drag performers and trans people, too, to a lesser extent. They only barely saved their asses by making it obvious early on that the target wasn't a camper so they wouldn't have the implication that these "drag performers" were possibly going to kill a child on top of grossly harassing them for a week.

And... Barbie is a p*d*philic groomer... god dammit (bUt hE'S nINEteEn... then make it obvious in the actual episode dipshits and don't cover your asses in a twitter post viewers might never see)!

And... Vivzie is really leaning into incest jokes now... god fucking dammit... Combining it with drag too... Fan-fucking-tastic!

Also, RIP Millie's character development. Completely destroyed as soon as it was built up in the slightest.

All that's left is Fizzarolli/Asmodeus and Mammon episodes... then I think I'm tapping out. I can't deal with this series anymore...

And I swear the Fizzarolli/Asmodeus episode review is coming soon... for real this time!

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 12 thoughts:

Brian needs to watch the Barbie movie holy shit! (I understand the story takes place in 2011 and the movie doesn't exist there)

Just like, fuck get off Taylor's back. She is playing it too safe but also being too aggressive. Moving too fast but also not being aggressive enough! AHHHHHHHH!

Seriously, nearly every time Brian showed up in this arc I was yelling at him. Dude. Just back off.

Skitter fucking just, killing thousands of rats in a few minutes is absolutely terrifying. God I love her.

Hookwolf is a dick. I can't believe everyone else went along with him and gave the Travelers and the Undersiders shitty choices like that. I mean that's not true, I can believe it I'm just mad.

I legit forgot Imp existed until Tattletale mentioned leaving her at the meeting as a spy. I love how the way her power works combined with the writing style means she just disappears for the readers as well.

Loved seeing more of the Travelers and more Noelle. Excited to learn more about her (I don't have great feelings about her long term situation though).

Jack is such a fucking POSER oh my god!

He just. He thinks he's so cool. But he's not. Fucking "this is not an exit" reference and shit.

He is Tobey Maguire Spider-Man from Spider-Man 3. Just thinks he is the coolest shit. Everyone just has to accept it cause he got fancy knife powers.

Tattletale just fucking full confidence fucking with the Nine while standing right in front of them. She clearly knew it was high risk but she took it and she got results, spoiling Jacks plan with Cheri and shit.

That said, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY BABY SOMEBODY HELP MY BABY! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Ok she's not like, my baby, that's Taylor. But she's still my baby.)

LOOK AT MY FUCKING DAUGHTER! FUCKING LOOK AT HER! HOW MANY PEOPLE DID SHE SAVE FROM SHATTERBIRD? HUNDREDS? THOUSANDS? SHE IS AMAZING!

She fucking needs therapy though. Saves more people than anyone else could have and is mad because she didn't do enough. God damn Taylor love yourself!

Danny is fine. Besides, he had warning so any injures are basically his fault. Git gud Danny. (Ok look that's a little unfair, but he messed up pretty bad with raising my daughter so I'm allowed to be a little unfair to him I think.)

And look at my daughter again! She goes and organizes people to help the wounded. Takes charge. Gets a cool butch lady that might never show up again to help. I hope she does show up again though.

AND THEN FUCKING MANNEQUIN! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

After he showed up I said "I don't know how the fuck she's gonna do it, but my daughter is gonna kick your ass". And then like a few paragraphs later I read "I have no idea how the fuck I’m going to do it but I’m going to make you regret that." This made me both happy - fun to say something and have Taylor say almost the same thing - and worried - cause when I said I didn't know how she was going to do it I kinda hoped she had a plan.

But then she fucking does it! She kicks his ass. She steals his arm. SHE RIPS HIS HEAD OFF! GOD DAMN! THAT'S MY FUCKING KID!

I do think she should hire the buff burly guy who helped her rip Mannequin's head off. He clearly has motivation and would be loyal. And maybe I want to see him more. For reasons.

But anyway she fucking wrecks Mannequin, makes him look like he lost a fight with a paint store. Just fucking clowned on him. She is so good.

Then the next day Brian comes in and fully focuses on how stupid it was to fight Mannequin, not really praising that she won or asking if she needs medical help. God damn bud!

But I loved how a fuck ton of people were like "Oh shit she beat Mannequin! I want to work for her." She's going to be so fucking famous soon.

Interlude 1 - Jack is a poser again. Sucks to be the Merchants, can't say I'll miss them. Jack trying to sound all clever with his carrot and sticks thing, but most of what he lists for the other Nine is really obvious. And he misses some stuff as well. Poser. I could lead the Nine better than him (not that I would lead the Nine, just that if I did I would be better than Jack).

Interlude 2 - God damn this is a doozy. Shit ton of Cauldron lore. Battery backstory. Assault backstory. I made a "now kith" joke when they fought for the very first time cause I didn't realize who they were yet. It was supposed to be a joke. I did not want them to end up together. They should not be together. Legend should not have allowed Assault to be on Battery's team. He was a bit of a dick for that. So much Cauldron lore though. I can't put it all here.

[isackwhy]

Hi!!!!! I just started reading your stuff and love it so farrrr 🫶🫶 just wanted to ask for an Isaac with doll collector reader? Bits of the other members mixed in bc yknow, they live together and assuming Isaac’s partner here would move in with them as well 😙😙

as a doll collector….i have this prepared. also…thank u<3 i appreciate all the support i didn’t think ppl would like this stuff sm

isaacwhy x doll collector! reader hc’s

whether it’s monster high, barbie—whatever. he supports it.

he’ll send u pics when he’s out w out u of a doll and be like, “do u have this?”

“no.”

“do u want it.”

“maybe.”

“okay i’m buying it.”

helps u put in shelves when u run out of space (me too gang)

every holiday the boys and isaac know what to get u so expect the newest doll of ur favorite line of u don’t already have it

sometimes y’all will be sitting in ur bed and he’ll ask the lord about the different dolls bc he likes seeing ur eyes light up

one time yumi came into while u we’re gone, changed the doll’s positions and isaac thought u we’re gonna kill him

let’s just say after u yell at yumi he’s NEVA touching ur dolls again

if u also collect older gens of the doll lines i feel ur pain and ur wallets pain

u stopped telling isaac the prices

not bc he got mad but bc he keeps offering to buy them

like no babe u can’t buy me the $400 clawdeen from g1 SORRY

i feel like tanner would think it’s the coolest

and if nick says anything just remind him of those fuck ass elmo’s he buys

i jjst woke up. my roommates are being loud. i’m losing it yall

[blitzsicedcoffee]

Chapter 2-Mama's Medicine

He's watching the road front and back. It doesn't help that Barb is in the passenger seat and Fizz is in the back and they're both yelling whenever they see a car nearby. 

"Guys chill the FUCK out! I'm the one with a license for a reason", he tells them and it quiets them for a moment, then Barb speaks up again, "Only cause Dad made me do a show on my test day", she complains and Blitzo rolls his eyes. That's all they ever talk about anymore, is the shows they're made to do and the things they miss because of it. Well- and why they're all in this car. For Mama. 

"Blitzo you're gonna miss the exit!" Fizz yells and points to a sign, and Blitzo swerves into the exit, making Fizz and Barb hold on to one another.

"Hehe...everything's fine...", he looks back but Barb yells back, "EYES on the road asshole!" 

Blitzo finally drives into the parking lot in Sloth and parks the car, and the teens all fall out of his mom's station wagon that he'd "borrowed". 

"Oh sweet unmoving ground!" Fizz says, pretending to blow the ground a kiss. Blitzo rolls his eyes and nudges him, "Pff, you're not funny".

"Liar", Fizz shoots back. 

"Jester slut!" Blitzo jokes back but Barb flicks the back of his head, "Ow what the fuck!" 

"Get your heads focused bozos, we're here for Mama", she says and Fizz sticks his tongue out at Blitzo. 

"Don't make me flick you too", Barb points and Fizz hides behind Blitzo. They follow her into the pharmacy and look around boringly. 

"Hey you think Mama could use a neck massager?" Blitzo jokes as he tries it out on himself. Fizz grabbing it and trying it out as well. 

Barb rolls her eyes, "No". She pulls both their arms over to the pharmacy desk as a tall older imp woman looks down at them. 

"Can I help you kids? Candy is on aisle 5", she says and Barb narrows her eyes. 

"We're here to pick up a prescription. Tilla Buckzo? We're her kids-", she grabs Blitzo and pulls him to the front, "And he's 16 so he can grab her medicine for her", she says, gesturing to Blitzo. Barbie hasn't been able to get her ID updated, again, because of being forced to do shows. 

Blitzo's mouth is in a line but he nods and hands her his ID, she looks it over with an uncaring stare then hands it back, "Alright then, what kinda medicine?" She asks. Barb and Fizz look at one another and shrug but Blitzo speaks up, "Immunotherapy meds. She has an autoimmune condition that rapidly gets worse", he tells her and for a moment the pharmacist looks impressed. Blitzo writhing his hands behind his back in anxiety. 

She comes back and tells the dosage instructions to Blitzo who nods, then gives it to him. 

"Do you have the copay? It's $50", she tells him and the teens freeze. A copay? What's that? 

Blitzo stutters, "W-well uh-What's that!" He points and when she looks away he holds the bag of meds close to his chest and runs, pulling Barb's arm who pulls Fizz's. They run to the car as the pharmacist sicks two hellhounds onto their trail. 

"Blitzo! The key!" Barb yells as she watches the hellhounds draw nearer and Fizz jumps up and down nervously. Blitzo throws the medicine back at Fizz who holds it close, then Blitzo digs in his pockets for the key and pulls it out, pushing it into the driver's seat door. Pulling open the door he sits and finally is able to unlock the rest of the doors and Barb and Fizz frantically fall into the car, pulling the doors closed with their tails. 

"Blitzo get us out of here!" Fizz yells, covering his eyes as the hellhounds aim a gun for their window. 

"Don't worry I got this", he turns the ignition and reverses the car, running over the hellhounds, then accelerates forward, speeding towards the inter-ring highway. 

Barb widens her eyes as she looks back, "Did you just kill people?!" 

"Mama needs this medicine, Barb", Blitzo says seriously, continuing to accelerate. 

"Yeah but Blitzo that's...death that's...killing!" She says and Fizz covers his ears, "Let's just pretend we were never here!!" He says. 

"I agree", replies Blitzo. He looks back and no one is on their tail, he slows down to the speed limit. Turning into the exit of Pride, where their circus currently resides. 

They all get out and Fizz hands Blitzo the bag of medicine. He holds it close and heads separately to his Mama's tent, not even checking to see if Fizz and Barb are behind him. 

He runs in and finds his Mama on her couch, watching her shows. 

"Hi Mama", he says. She looks up and smiles, acknowledging him. He walks over to the kitchenette and pours some water in a cup, then sits next to her and pulls out the pill bottle, popping the top. 

"The pharmacist says to take this twice a day okay?" He says, handing her the pill and cup. She shakily takes them but puts them down first. 

"Mama no you gotta take them...", Blitzo says then she puts her cold hands on his cheeks. He leans into them. 

"You went all the way to Sloth for me? Did you take my car?" She asks. Blitzo looks down and nods. 

"Such a sweet boy", she kisses his forehead then takes the cup and pill, taking it. 

Blitz wakes up sweating, both claws gripping the sheets and tearing a little through their silken cover. 

"Darling?! Are you alright?" Stolas asks as Blitz breathes heavily, looking around to get his bearings. He nods, "I'm...fine. Just..very realistic dream". 

Stolas climbs into the bed and pulls Blitz towards him, "Would you like to talk about it?" 

Blitz wraps his arms around Stolas's torso and squeezes close to him, coughing a little more and Stolas rubs his back again. 

"Not really", he replies. Stolas kisses his forehead, "As you wish". 

[eoieopda]

Please please please please I read your Dad!BTS drabbles and I would love if you did a head canon for Seventeen as dads! Thank youuuuuuuh!

oh fuck. this is gonna break me, hahahahahah.

seungcheol: i mean…. he has twelve kids already. have you seen the way he parents them with just a look/gesture? born for this. still, i feel like he’s as baby as… his baby? idk. i can see him being a lil jealous of the attention your kid gets, so you’ll have to shower him with affection to remind him that he hasn’t been replaced. absolutely the kind of dad to yell at his kid’s referee when they make an unfavorable call during a game. will also buy himself one of those “#1 dad mugs”, to be used unironically. def instills principles into his kids early — everybody’s well-mannered, responsible, etc.

jeonghan: i think he’d be so so so sweet with kids, but that he’d get burnt out easily. he also strikes me as the type to constantly prank his own kids?? teaching them something that is so completely false for his own enjoyment, like that time he convinced minghao a shopkeeper would accept shellfish as payment in lieu of money ☠️ he would also help them set up a lemonade stand with questionable business ethics so they can swindle the neighbors out of their money. watch out — your kids are forming a crime syndicate of bratz dolls and are plotting an elaborate art heist from barbie’s dream house.

joshua: he doesn’t believe in the needless gendering of hobbies, so EVERYBODY is learning how to bedazzle shit, make friendship bracelets, build with clay, play ball games, etc. absolutely kills it with an easy-bake oven. your kids think he’s weird and they’re right. their father is insane, but in a fun and whimsical way that makes their friends jealous. he’s also def the dad who volunteers for shit at school, like chaperoning field trips, etc. he probably bakes them shit to share on their birthdays, while keeping in mind everybody’s allergies 🤧

junhui: i think junnie and his kids have some secret language amongst themselves that you don’t understand? he’s their favorite — sorry. he’s not great with sports and neither are your kids, but he will go to every single peewee league soccer game (rain or shine) and treat them to ice cream as if they won, even though they lost terribly. he’s amazed by every single thing they do, too. adding non-milestone shit to the baby book because he’s so proud of them for burping and farting at the same time.

soonyoung: he has no idea what the hell or fuck he’s doing, but he tries so hard and loves so completely. your kids’ homework is just as confusing to him as it is to them; regardless, he will stay up all gd night with them to finish it if that’s what it comes down to. he shows baby pictures to every single person he passes to brag about his kids, 100%. he has more energy than them, tho, so they have to tell him when it’s time for a break during whatever backyard game they’re playing. unlikely to let them win because they need to learn how to lose graciously 😇

wonwoo: so sorry to say this but all of your kids’ teachers are in love with him. i feel like he would volunteer to coach your kids’ xyz team despite never having played xyz sport because he wants them to feel supported. does he know what he’s doing? no, but neither do the kids, so what does that matter? def wouldn’t be surprised if you woke up in the middle of the night and found him gazing adoringly at your sleeping kid from the doorway like 🫠 UGH.

jihoon: surprise! parenthood made jihoon physically affectionate, though he still likes to pretend that’s not the case! he always has one sitting on his shoulders, the other(s) clinging to his legs, and he adores it; you catch him grinning when he thinks you’re not looking and he immediately gets flustered. it’s not at all uncommon to find him passed out on the couch with a sleeping kid on his chest — and they have matching expressions, even when they sleep. your kids have 40,000 different extracurriculars because their dad is good at everything, so… uhhh, i hope he got his license to help with all the carpooling back and forth, lmao.

seokmin: also in the “i don’t know what i’m doing but i’m so fucking happy to be here” camp. world’s biggest hype man for his kids — damn near petitioned the government for a parade when they took their first steps, etc. i feel like he’d THRIVE with telling bedtime stories and make-believe games. creativity is off the charts, but in that very unhinged way we know and love. oh, your kids don’t want to eat their veggies? he’s created a whole ass play that teaches them the value of fiber. and it WORKS.

mingyu: omfg he is absolutely the dad that all his kids’ friends have crushes on. there are always 40,000 children at your house for this reason, and because mingyu makes the absolute fucking cutest/most elaborate packed lunches, and everyone is jealous. he coaches your kids’ sports team and is actually qualified. he’s wrapped around their finger — the epitome of “the other parent said no” so they run to him to get whatever they want, and he caves EVERY TIME. he pouts more than they do, too, so good luck!!

minghao: omg your kids are going to be so shockingly well-adjusted but also extremely old for their age, lmao. he’s got the toddler speaking affirmations into the mirror every morning. they’re waxing poetic about nature. they’ve converted his morning tea ceremony to a tea party, except they’re actually fully partaking in the meditation with him — albeit from a plastic princess teacup. no kid has ever expressed gratitude as frequently and as sincerely as his!!

seungkwan: his kid is def the type to hang out with the adults during their own classmate’s birthday party, lmao. he raised charming little schmoozers who are well-connected and beloved by all their elementary teachers. he’s also big on self-sufficiency, i think? like, he teaches them early on that shit like cooking, cleaning, etc. is not eomma’s purpose in life; and they better pitch in (although none of them — including him — forego the dramatics when they have to touch wet food in the sink, etc.) he’s a one-man cheer squad. he showed up to your kid’s class concert with a fan chant he spent all night creating, and he yells it with his full chest, unabashed.

vernon: omggg. the chillest dad 🥲 he’s not the voice-raising type, so any time he needs to step in and parent, it’s the gentlest, most empathetic shit. i feel like his kids think he’s the coolest dude who has ever lived and want to be exactly like him, so they pick up all his interests?? they probably have a weekly movie night and discuss their thoughts while he’s tucking them into bed afterwards ☠️ imagine them dissecting the themes of shrek while he’s checking for monsters in the closet adhdsjakfnwksnf.

chan: MADE 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 BE 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 DAD 👏🏻. he’s the full package — a partner to you in raising them, the goofy + fun friend, and the extremely emotionally intelligent mentor they need??? tbh he’s better at a lot of the practical things than you are; he had to give you tips on how to change a diaper, etc. because he STUDIED and he PRACTICED ON TEDDY BEARS, okay? he’s going to be the best dad to ever dad, just watch!!!

[ananke-xiii]

Don't mind me, ranting about "Sex and Violence".

I have a bone to pick with the episode “Sex and Violence” because I find the writing dishonest and confusing. It’s the infamous “siren episode” and I specifically want to talk about sirens because what the fuck?

FIY, I've tried to limit myself to figurative language but sometimes I'll get quite specific so be warned because I'll touch upon controversial themes in SPN.

Let's talk about sirens.

The episode tells us that the siren has targeted at least three husbands who are all in jail because they’ve killed their wives (we actually see one of them brutally murdering his wife) and who were all clients of a club named “Honey Wagon”. It’s pretty soon established that these men had extremely high levels of oxytocin in their blood and that at least one of them has confessed to Sam and Dean that he had killed his wife for “Jasmine”, an exotic dancer he had met at said club, because she represented everything he has ever wanted. So it’s not about the money and not about the sex, it’s about desire.

So far so good, I like that the club is called “Honey Wagon” because it makes me think that the writers know what they’re talking about since the sirens’ song is also called the “sound of honey”. What’s more, the siren seems to use the names of Disney princesses as their aliases such as Jasmine and Belle. Sam refers to them as “Dream Barbie”. In other words, the writing is telling me that the siren plays on their preys’ fantasies. Okay, cool.

I also vibe with the introduction of the high level of oxytocin as a symptom of the siren’s contact with their victims. Oxytocin is connected with sex, yes, but also with childbirth and its aftermath and breasts are a symbol pertinent to the siren-related imaginary. It also makes me think that what these men are desiring (which is apparently not sex) is bonding. Also, as a FYI, sirens can also be men. With beards.

But the episode is indeed called “Sex and Violence” so we gotta talk about the sex part, too.

We literally see on our screen the siren having sex with a man named Larry and we know the siren also had sex with the first guy who we saw at the beginning of the episode killing his wife. We also see the siren kiss Larry and Bobby is wearing an apron that says “Kiss the Cook”, thus we’re visually given a little hint that it’s not gonna be about sex. Or is it?

At the risk of sounding pedantic, I’ve gotta ask: is it the sex or the kissing? How exactly is this siren making men do what they want? The big plot-twist of the episode is founded on the discovery that the established assumption (the siren uses sex to lure their victims) is incorrect: it’s not the sex, it’s the saliva. And I mean, I guess cool for the siren, do your thing Belle, but, like, why did the siren need to have sex with the three men if all they needed was kissing them? Crickets.

The siren tells Sam and Dean that they like to watch when someone kills for them and we have seen it TWICE that this is just not true. Then there’s that thing, you know, that thing where they called whatever the siren is doing as spreading a “supernatural STD” and then Dean gets it because he shares a bottle with the siren. And THEN Sam gets it as well because the siren literally spits into his mouth what we’re supposed to think it’s saliva, but it really, really, looks like when a snake sprays its venom towards its prey and also when… there’s a sex-related subtext blank we’re expecting to get and I’ll get back there in a moment.

I just wanted to note how confusing the episode is: first the STD implication, then the saliva, and finally the seed imagery. Writers, honey, you gotta pick your battles because you’re sending very mixed and harmful signals out here and I’m not following you anymore.

So the (queer) sex subtext. I must state that the siren goes for both Sam and Dean. Dean goes alone to the club with Nick (this is the siren’s name in this scenario) because Sam convinces him thinking it’s a good idea while he stays at the lab with the hot doctor. Here is where I think the dishonesty lies.

The scenes are structured in a way where we have Sam/Dr Roberts and Dean/Nick and both are bonding scenes between the characters. Via these scenes we’re heavily inclined to think that the siren is Dr Roberts because hey, women are evil bitches, you know? So the writers are being a little cheeky here with their “gotcha” moment and seriously? No, it’s 100% not me having misogynistic ideas about women and femininity, it’s 100% you and I know it’s you ‘cause you’re desperately changing your cards to write something edgy an shocking when it’s mid at best.

Before the “wow, shocking” reveal that the siren is Nick we’re led to think that the siren’s Dr Roberts because of the hyacinths. Nick told Dean that he had found hyacinth petals on all crime scenes and these are the same flowers that Dr Roberts has in her office. Dean calls Sam to tell him this important piece of info and says something like: they’re from the Mediterranean, from the same island where the siren myth comes from.

Now maybe I’m missing some siren-related symbols that have to do with hyacinths but, to my knowledge, there’s none. Is Dean confusing the island Zakynthos (to my ear the two words might sound similar) with the myth of Scylla (Scilla bifolia being the name of the blue hyacinths in the episode which has nothing to do with the sea-monster Scylla) and Carbides? What the hell is going on here?

I think that’s again the writers being “ihih we're so smart” ‘cause what hyacinths are most famously associated with is the myth of Hyacinthus himself, a (male) lover of Apollo who got killed by Zephyrus because he was jealous of their love and because Hyacinthus didn’t choose him. From the blood of the dead lover Apollo created the name-sake flower.

So this is a story about jealousy! So if we want to draw a parallel with the info that the episode has provided us so far who’s otherwise engaged with Dr Roberts with the pretext of looking for missing vials of blood while they’re happily having sex while Dean is left alone and unchosen? What the writers are telling me, basically, is that Sam is Hyacinthus in this story. All "signs" point there and the siren has targeted him.

Except not! Because Hyacinthus is a gay love story and Nick is a man! Don’t you see? See it! It was a ruse!

After calling Sam, who doesn’t believe that Dr Roberts is the siren (by the way, Sam does have a passion for new-in-town doctors with supposedly dead husbands), Dean tells him he will handle things by himself only to call Nick, like, not even two seconds later. Please let’s all remember that Dean is not a real federal agent and he’s calling one for help (Nick’s not a fed but Dean doesn’t know it yet). This isn’t a smart move Dean, like at all. So is he already been infected? Well, we don’t know! By now we have zero idea how the siren actually operates, all because the writers wanted to be smart and knowledgeable about Greek mythology and hey, since we're here, let’s also insert some queer subtext with incestuous undertones, why not?

Because this is the crux of the matter: if we don’t understand the queer subtext and/or if we take the episode at face-value, we’re left with a confusing half-assed episode where 1. the real plot-twist is that the plot has literally changed to serve the parallels with the theme of the episode (it’s Dean’s jealousy over Sam and Ruby, let’s face it, this is what they were aiming for) and 2. A metaphor for getting STD is connected with sex with strippers, with direct contact with saliva via kissing and via spitting or whatever the siren does to Sam and with indirect contact via sharing of the same bottle. If we do get the queer subtext we have to understand Nick and Dean’s sharing of the same bottle as code for them having dub-con sex (like all the previous men we’ve seen on screen), consequently Sam also is forced into decidedly non-con sex with the siren via his “turned” brother (hence the seed imaginary).

I mean, I know I’m watching Supernatural but this is bad writing on all levels. You can’t just masquerade this stuff as mythology, you need to own up to your writing choices and commit to them, otherwise I feel like you’re cheating and you’re being deliberately confusing to hide your dishonesty. No, thanks, I'd much prefer "Ouroboros" where Greek mythology is used cleverly and with precise intent, where it's 100% clear how the MoTW operates and where the writers were not misleading us but wrote a coherent story that wasn't dishonest at all, rather open to multiple interpretations that make sense within both the plot and the themes of the episode.

[inu-jiru]

"Oops" Episode Rambles

I rewatched the episode for the sake of my rewrite post (plus I just wanted to see the final animation, credit where it's due, the show is fun to look at sometimes), and decided to share my thoughts since I haven't done that for an episode in a while:

Ngl, I'm honestly really indifferent towards Fizzmodeus, like I get that it's most people's positive for this episode but I honestly just don't care about it. I think it's because I'm so jaded to the 99% of dialogue that's sex-related to enjoy the sentimental stuff but also because it's just Bee and Vortex again, and it begs the question of why the shit Stolas' situation is so special (aside from him being Vivzie's baby) when the Sins just do whatever and either hide it poorly or don't hide it at all. Who came up with this hierarchy in the first place? Because the more we go on the more it seems like a thing that only Goetians focus on (which Ozzie should be apart of so what the fuck).

Speaking of Ozzie, I don't get why he's so nice, same with Bee. I'm not asking for everyone to be a shithead 24/7 but the concept of Hell's leaders, the ones who've created and are enabling the world of kill-or-be-killed that we've seen, being 100% friendly is just odd to me. Then again, Viv's idea of Hell is a nonstop party where they're all good unlike the EVIL BAD TOTALLY NOT GOOD angels and Adam so it doesn't surprise me. Also his whole thing about "Lust shouldn't be forced". Um? I'd get it if he were talking about LOVE, but Lust is not something I'd ever consider to be consensual in nature, especially not in Hell. That's all I'll say on the matter because it's a very serious topic, but then again, maybe I should consider myself lucky a topic that dark isn't being butchered by Vivzie. All of that said, I do like Ozzie's voice actor, he's really nice-sounding.

I don't understand what the hell happened with Fizz and Blitzo. Who the fuck was going around saying that Blitzo didn't wanna see Fizz and didn't tell Fizz that Blitzo showed up? I have to assume it was maybe Barbie or Cash (assuming Cash didn't also die in the fire). If it was Barbie I'm not entirely sure why. As far as we're aware (unless they retcon it in later) Barbie shouldn't have seen Blitzo knocking into the cake or leaving Fizz, so if she did it because their mom died, I can't see how she would know that. Maybe someone saw Blitzo and passed that on to Barbie, but the fact of the matter is I shouldn't have to Tetris-style guess and insert explanations for the episode. If any episode was going to be a full on backstory, it should've been this one, not The Circus, especially with Unhappy Campers being before this one.

On a positive note, I think those little fly-dog things are so cute in a kinda ugly way. I do think it's kind of a nice small look into Fizz's mind that he'd have one that's wheelchair-bound because he'd relate to it. Ozzie patching up Fizz was nice too, as much as I don't care for the couple, I'm glad that Fizzmodeus at leasts SHOWS the shit that Stolitz doesn't. And speaking of Stolitz, yeah Blitzo keep telling me all these things Stolas TOTALLY does for you yeah I'm sooooooo sure

And, like other people have said, Stolas was totally pointless and useless like always, and what a nice cool guy who totally isn't bad like the other Goetia when he let that lawyer guy get brutally murdered, like yeah I guess it wasn't really his place to help or anything but I don't think having him smirk and say "Get fucked, little one" is doing him any favors. I do have to wonder if they're actually gonna go through with this Crystal shit. I'm not gonna bother guessing anymore because like I said before, the show will throw a biggest, goofiest curveball at you to try and seem less predictable.

And speaking of curveballs, Crimson and Striker. That's it. That's all I gotta say on that subject. I miss Harvest Moon Festival, man. Like I'm no Striker fangirl who buys all the Striker merch and shit but damn he's so pathetic now. Why did Blitzo have to recreate the shit that happened and shoot the barrel when he could've shot Striker in the face while he was talking? Please, I need someone else on the writing team PLEASE

Anyway I think that's it for now.