#saw a tweet that was like 'i'm just a girl is a direct response to boys will be boys and in this essay i will'

[hychlorions]

anyone else hate how people use "i'm just a girl" i'm just a girl i'm just a girl i can't do math i can't do science why would you ask me to do something hard i'm just a girl i can't do anythinggggg just leave me to my girl dinner. why did they let girls get jobs. i'm supposed to be girlrotting. girldoing nothing all day. it's what girls were meant to do. (draws bows on my homework) haha omggg i'm just a girl

[whatwouldsylwrite]

hockey!Abby x dancer!reader pt7

pt 6

to: Abby

Do you want to come over tonight?

Minors don't interact!!!! This is an adult work meant for adults, I'm really uncomfortable with anyone younger than 18 reading this, so please move on.

Tags: modern au, fluff, fem!reader, shy reader, reader is into sexy/girly dances, Abby is a sweetheart, switching pov. Smut. Oral (r! receiving, Abby!receiving), fingering (r!receiving), pet names, vanilla sex

Notes: this is their first time, so there's no kinks yet, they're just exploring and getting to know each other, so it's pretty vanilla. I actually wanted to include a lot more, but this chapter is so long I had to cut some parts out. :(

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It was a Friday night, your tv was buzzing with some reality show as you were doing your homework, not paying any attention to the tv - you really wanted to finish the whole load before tomorrow, because your weekend was fully booked by Abby. 

So you worked through every assignment without any breaks for a few hours, until your head started to hurt - not the smartest decision, you admit, but you really just wanted to finish your homework and then just chill for the rest of the evening, letting your brain shut down on some ridiculous show. 

"Fuck." You sighed as you looked through the last assignment. Thank god it wasn't as time consuming as some of them were. 

It took you another half an hour to finish it, and when you looked at the time, it was over seven. Your head hurt, your stomach was screaming for anything sweet, and you really wanted a shower, as if the water would wash away your irritation and tiredness.

But it was worth it - you'd have your weekend free, a whole weekend with Abby, without practice and homework, without any worries and stupid responsibilities. Sometimes you missed being a teen, when you didn't have to take care of everything. "The real horror of adulthood - decide what you want for dinner every fucking day", you thought as you remembered the tweet you saw some time ago. 

Abby took her skates off, feeling tired and irritated - Eric was so fucking annoying with his training and useless comments, picking on everyone like as if he wanted the whole team to kick his ass. Boys were grumpy as well, bitching all the time while they changed, but Abby didn't pay attention to them until Manny sat next to her.

"You wanna go out tonight? I need to get wasted to forget about this asshole." Manny nodded in the general direction of the coach room. 

"No, I'm going home." Abby said shortly as she checked her dms. 

You sent a photo of yourself looking absolutely done with your homework, your hair a mess, your brows stubbornly furrowed. Manny immediately put his nose in Abby's phone as she sat there, just smiling at your picture. 

"Ooh, so that's (y/n) in her natural habitat." Manny smirked, knowing he'd get a reaction out of Abby. 

"Fuck off." Abby said and put her phone away from him. 

"What, don't want to show your sweetheart to your best bro?" 

"I swear to god, Manny." Abby rolled her eyes. "Go to your weather girl and leave my girlfriend alone."

"And not tease you? Sorry Abs, not happening." Manny laughed as he ducked Abby's pads she threw in his face. "Have a nice evening!"

"Fuck you too!" Abby shouted in response as she packed her things and went home. 

You left your shower feeling a lot better than before. Chocolate probably helped too, but it wasn't real food, and you needed to cook something before you'd give up and just not eat anything. 

You went to your room to change, and while you were changing you listened to how quiet your apartment was. It was the eerie silence of living by yourself, the constant reminder of lonely independence. It took you a long time to get used to the quiet, but sometimes you'd feel so fucking lonely, curled up in front of your tv, the darkness of the apartment surrounding you, trying to choke you out of the existence. 

You knew Abby had practice today - you looked at the clock - she should have finished already. She was probably tired, though. You worried your lip as you sat on your bed, naked, the water dripping from your hair to your back, giving you an unpleasant shudder, and opened your dms. 

Abby already saw the picture you've sent her during the most frustrating part of your homework.

from: Abby

looks like your hw kicked your ass

Fuck you, you laughed in your head as you typed your reply.

to: Abby

*I* kicked its ass, because I finished it

You tapped your fingers on your phone case, nervous. You really wanted to see Abby, but you also didn’t want to impose. She was tired after practice, and she’d have to drive to your place… But you could just relax together, watch something, you’d make some food for her. It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right? She could just say no and it’d be totally fine. 

to: Abby

Do you want to come over tonight?

Why, why did your heart pick up its pace? Why did you suddenly feel so nervous? You just asked Abby if she’d like to come to your place, it was normal, it was fine, you were dating, for god’s sake. Abby’s been to your place before, and you just cleaned your apartment, you shouldn’t be worried about it at all. Maybe it was because Abby could say no today? Maybe it was because you meant it as a sleepover? 

You checked your phone - Abby wasn’t online, which disappointed you a little, so you put your phone in your pocket and went to the kitchen to start cooking. You figured you'd cook enough for a few days - especially if Abby'd come tonight, since her hockey training required a lot of energy, and therefore a lot of food. And if Abby wouldn't come then you wouldn't have to worry about your meals for the entire weekend. 

The thought of Abby not coming made you sad, but you scolded yourself for being so selfish and needy - Abby was your girlfriend, not your mom to fix all your problems. You still reached for your phone anyway - still no answer. 

"Okay." You sighed, nervous, knowing you needed a distraction as your patience was running thin. You took all ingredients you needed and started to cook, getting your mind off "did she answer" loop in your head.  

Abby went out of the shower and fell on her bed, feeling pleasantly tired. She wasn't exhausted physically, but dealing with Eric's shit left her low-key irritated. Some days he was just insufferable and Abby wished the poor asshole just got laid and maybe that'd calm him down. 

Abby sighed and closed her eyes, trying to calm down herself. She needed to think about something pleasant - her weekend plans with you for example. Abby missed you, not seeing you properly the whole week - you caught each other every chance you got, and spent too much time in her car after practice, you not wanting to go home and Abby not wanting to let you go. 

And now the whole weekend would be for the two of you. You asked Abby if she really wanted to do rock climbing, but she had to admit she was afraid of heights - it was embarrassing, she knew, but you just nodded and said you'd keep it in mind, to Abby's relief. You asked her for another skating lesson and Abby agreed, happy she'd get to hold you in her arms again - that was your plan for Sunday evening. And tomorrow Abby wanted to take you on a day trip to the next town and just walk around, find some interesting places. 

Abby smiled and rubbed her face, slightly embarrassed by how bad she had it. She knew she was a lovesick idiot, but sometimes it was hard to embrace it. 

Abby sat up on the bed and reached for her phone that she left in her backpack. 

from: dancing queen

Do you want to come over? (sent 40 minutes ago)

Abby's heart stopped but started beating twice as fast right away, her cheeks flushed. Was it what she thought it was?

No, knowing how shy you were - no way you asked this question with any subtle meaning. But Abby couldn't help but feel a little optimistic. It was evening, you definitely asked her to stay the night, and she just couldn't ignore her annoying thoughts. 

You sent it 40 minutes ago - was it when Abby parked her car? She should have seen it if it was sent before, god, was she in a shower for 40 minutes? No she wasn't, she unpacked her gym bag first and put her uniform in the washing machine. 

Was your offer still up? Or maybe you changed your mind? Got tired of waiting for her response? 

That was asking for some serious measures, and Abby pressed call, not taking a chance with texting in case you wouldn't see her messages. You picked up after four antagonising dial tones and Abby started feeling nervous. 

"Hi." You said, sounding like you were busy. "Wait, gimme a sec." 

"Okay." Abby said as she listened to you turning water on and off. "You okay?"

"Yeah." You said, panting a little. Abby got worried she blew her chance - you were definitely not free right now. Why the fuck she didn't check her phone before going to the shower? "Okay, I'm here."

"Is your offer still up? For me to come over?" Abby asked, ridiculously nervous.

"Yeah." You said shyly. "You don't have to, I know you just finished your practice and you're tired, I don't want to-"

"I'll at yours in 20." Abby interrupted you, too eager to calm you down. 

"You sure?"

"Yeah. See you." She said to you quietly. 

"See you." 

Abby ended the call and ran her hand through her hair, calming herself. Okay, you were still up for it. Abby tried to push her stupid horny thoughts down, but you asking her to come over on Friday night was like a pavlovian for her. You didn't mean it, but Abby would kill for you to mean it. 

Abby eyed her other backpack, feeling optimistic again. She emptied her bed drawer into her backpack, you know, just in case. Never in her life Abby got ready faster than now - in 10 minutes she was locking her door, her hair half-dry and brushed, her clothes clean and her backpack filled with a change of clothes and other stuff. The ride to your apartment took her a little bit longer than ten minutes and she was five minutes later than she promised, but it didn't matter.

What mattered was her ringing the bell to your apartment. 

You opened the door and immediately smiled at Abby, your eyes twinkling with happiness. 

"Hi." You stared at her for a second and then moved out of the way. "Come in."

Abby put her backpack down and finally looked at you, regretting it immediately: you were wearing skintight top and Abby could see fucking everything, because you weren't wearing a bra. Oh fuck, she thought as she tried to look away from your chest. And these stupid short shorts you wore at home, Abby was going to die here.

 

"Are you hungry?" You asked, unconsciously moving closer to Abby, taking her hand in yours. She looked flushed, but you didn't mind. You also didn't mind her eyes flicking to your chest - her stare sent shivers down your spine, making you want to arch into Abby. "I've made some food."

"Starving." Abby chuckled and pulled you to her, kissing you. It was a gentle kiss, her hands a soft pressure on your waist, and you melted against her, letting her hold your weight. "Missed you."

"Me too. Felt lonely without you." You admitted, a little embarrassed of your weakness. You caressed Abby's shoulders, marvelled by her strength as she held you close. "Are you going to stay for the night?"

"If you let me." Abby shrugged playfully. 

"If I let you." You teased her. "You're the one who should be letting me beg you to stay, you know." You pinched her cheek gently and led Abby to the kitchen. 

Abby let go of your hand and just towered behind you, her chest to your back, her hands on your hips, as you put food on two plates. You swallowed as your desire to just arch back into Abby became too powerful and you tentatively pushed back, trying to not turn this moment into something more heated. Abby sighed into your neck and her grip on your hips became stronger. 

"What do you want to watch?" You asked, cosily quiet. 

Abby buried her nose in your neck, making you giggle from tickling. 

"The one we spoke about a week ago." Abby said not lifting her head from your shoulder. 

"Okay." You smile to yourself. "Come on, let's move." 

Abby slowly moved away and took a plate you gave her, pouting a little: she really didn't want to let you go. 

You went to the living room and while you two tried to find a more comfortable way to sit, you searched up the movie - it was a french comedy someone recommended to Abby, and you've seen the trailer and liked it. It took some time to find it, but you put it on and you both started eating while the introduction rolled. You secretly hoped Abby'd like your cooking - like if you were showing her what a wife material you could be. And, judging by her little moan and her head thrown back - she liked it. You hid your smile, but Abby noticed anyway.

"I'm marrying you tomorrow, (y/n)." Abby said as she put a fork in her mouth. "What did you put in it? Magic?"

"Garlic and ginger." You giggled. 

You finished your food pretty quickly, both of you were too hungry to go slow, and you went to the kitchen to put your plates in the sink. You poured two cups of tea and came back, to find Abby in a different position than before.

She was sitting in the middle of the couch, manspreading, and when she saw you, she patted the place between her legs, inviting you to sit there. You smiled and put your cups next to Abby so you could reach them, and sat between her legs. 

Abby immediately snaked her hands around your waist, pulling you closer without any effort and your breath hitched in your throat: Abby held you close to herself, pressing your back to her chest, her chin on your shoulder, her strong thighs on both sides of you. You felt safe like this, surrounded by Abby, and you leaned on her, relaxing and putting your head on her shoulder, breathing her in. Abby always smelled like something cold and soothing - maybe because she spent a lot of time on ice, but her scent always reminded you of the first days of spring when snow started to melt. 

The movie was good, Abby had to admit, but having you in your arms was better. Abby liked how you relaxed right away, letting her touch you everywhere she wanted, caressing your waist and your ribs and your thighs absentmindedly as she watched the movie. And the way you shook against her when you laughed - adorable. Abby pressed a few affectionate kisses to your shoulder, just appreciating your existence, and you relaxed even more, your weight pleasantly heavy on her. 

Abby liked this reaction, so she pressed more kisses into your bare shoulder - you went soft in her arms and Abby just couldn’t get enough of it, making you feel safe was her fucking drug. She moved her lips up, planting slow tender kisses on your neck, not really trying to work you up, just enjoying being gentle with you, but you sighed sharply as Abby kissed you pulse point, her lips lingering on your skin for a second. This little sound made Abby’s eyes open wide and her core throb - maybe she wasn’t trying to work you up, but you were definitely getting there. 

Abby lifted her head from your shoulder and looked you in the eyes, checking if you were enjoying yourself as you turned to her. Her serious, studying eyes met your glossy ones, and something snapped. 

You reached for Abby’s face desperately and kissed her, your whole body trembling as you weaved your fingers into her hair. Abby deepened the kiss, her tongue slowly playing with your tongue as she lifted you up and turned you so you’d sit in her lap. You whimpered quietly - the ease with which Abby moved you made your underwear hot with sudden wetness. Abby kissed you wet and dirty, her hands moving up your naked thighs, leaving goosebumps in their wake, until she reached your butt and grabbed it  hard, her nails slightly digging into your body. You sighed into her mouth and caressed her neck and broad shoulders, so solid against you. 

You pulled away, trying to catch your breath, and Abby watched you with a small smile. Horny looked good on you.

“That’s not why I asked to come over.” You whispered. You didn’t want Abby to feel pressured into anything, to think you only invited her to stay the night because you wanted to have sex. 

“I know.” Abby whispered with a small smile as her hands held your waist. She knew what you were trying to say, and her heart overflowed with affection. “Do you want to stop?” 

You smiled and shook your head, stroking Abby’s nape gently.

“Words, baby.” Abby grinned as she watched your eyes go big with surprise when she used the pet name. “I need you to say it.”

Consent was important for Abby, especially since she could easily overpower you. She needed to hear that you wanted this, to have this confirmation. She couldn’t imagine doing something that would upset you because she read your non-verbals wrong. 

“Want you, Abby, I want you.” You whispered, not looking at Abby - too embarrassed to admit your desire so blatantly.  But if Abby needed to hear it, it didn’t matter if you were embarrassed - her comfort was your top priority. Abby tilted your face, trying to make you look at her.

“You’re nervous.” Abby stated when she noticed how you fidgeted with her hoodie. She didn’t like it - she wanted you to feel happy and relaxed with her.

“A little.” You admitted and smiled, giggling when Abby tried to catch your eyes, turning her head at all angles possible.

“Am I scaring you?” Abby asked playfully and stroked your back.

“Big bad Abby.” You laughed. “No. Just want to do it right.”

“I don’t think there is a wrong way, (y/n).” Abby kissed your jaw. “Really, if you want to stop, it’s totally cool.”

Now Abby looked at you, serious, as she searched your face for any sign of discomfort, so tuned to your body she could tell if you were even slightly tense, but you smiled and kissed her gently.

“You’re so sweet.” You said and moved away, creating a distance between the two of you. Abby tried not to read it as a sign you wanted to stop, but as the distance grew bigger, she became more sure that this was it. “Let’s move it to the bedroom.” 

Abby blinked and smiled brightly when the meaning of your words finally caught up with her. Abby kissed you again, her hands roaming your body, squeezing you painfully. Abby grabbed your thighs and suddenly you were in the air, clinging to Abby for dear life. 

"Fuck." You said, a little bit shocked as Abby hoisted you up, her lower stomach pressing just right between your legs. "Warn me next time." You laughed and snaked your hands around Abby's neck. 

Abby smirked and kissed your collarbones, making your hole clench on nothing - you were getting so wet, too wet, and nothing really happened yet. 

"Abby." You inhaled sharply, your fingers squeezing her shoulders.

"Yeah?"

"Bedroom."

Abby chuckled against your neck and carried you to the bedroom while her hands continued kneading your butt. You were so fucking soft in her arms, it was so easy to carry you Abby felt drunk on how much stronger she was, how effortlessly she could just move you and hold you and not let you do anything, leaving everything to her. 

Abby lowered you down on the bed and you pulled her with you, making her press you into the bed as you kissed her. You spread your legs further, making Abby press into you as her hand caressed your thigh lightly, admiring how soft and warm you were. 

Abby broke the kiss and sat between your legs and this view alone made you ache, made it hard to breathe. She looked serious, her strong hands crawling up your thighs, her wide shoulders moving up and down as she breathed heavily. You sat up and tugged her hoodie up, literally not able to take it anymore, you needed to see her. The hoodie came off, leaving Abby in her sports bra, her muscles, her strength on display.

"Oh my fucking god." You whispered, mesmerised. "Fuck, Abby." You ran your fingers over Abby's abs and  she flexed her muscles instinctively, causing the wetness pool in your panties, the pressure building behind your clit. You looked at her with wide eyes as you got closer to feel her skin under your lips. 

You left open mouthed kisses on Abby's side, holding her hips. She was warm and solid and she tasted just as she smelled - cold and mouthwatering. You couldn't get enough, your hands travelled lower and you groaned - Abby had a V line, fucking hell. 

Abby watched you worship her body and her breathing became heavy, her hunger growing with each second and her boxers getting wetter after every kiss - your soft mouth drove her crazy, your genuine admiration getting to her heart dangerously close. Abby knew girls enjoyed her physique,  but there was something different about your reaction - you were gentle with her, smoothing her edges in a way that scared her, but left wanting more. Abby needed you to cum, to feel good, to come apart in her hands again and again until you couldn't anymore. 

"Doll, look at me." Abby panted and gently lifted your head. You looked up at her, your eyes shining and your cheeks flushed. "Fuck, you're so pretty." Abby kissed you, hungry and getting a little rough from her desperation, but you didn't mind, clinging to her with your whole body. "Can I take it off?" 

"Yeah." You whispered, exhilarated when Abby's fingers hooked the bottom of your top. She was slow, as if she was opening a present she wanted her whole life and now couldn't believe she had it, and you suddenly felt impatient from your own excitement, buzzing with arousal.

The top came off and Abby stared at you, unblinking. You were so goddamn beautiful: your cute shoulders, the soft line of your neck, your round pretty tits with hardened nipples, the delicate line of your waist - Abby wanted to devour you. You looked divine, you looked holy to her and she wasn't sure she should be allowed to touch you. 

"Lie down." Abby told you and you leaned back, spreading your legs so Abby'd fit between them. "Fuck." Abby said as she watched you, lying on your pillows all pretty and inviting. 

Abby's hands were fucking shaking as she leaned to you, your naked stomachs touching. You sighed and bucked your hips up without thinking, just craving Abby's touch - skin on skin contact wasn't enough, you needed her strong gentle hands on you. Abby used one of her hands to push your hips down, stopping you from moving completely and you whimpered, bucking your hips again, now because her strength turned you on even more, but Abby didn't let you, pressing you back even harder, and you shuddered. 

"Do you need something, doll?" Abby asked as she kissed your neck, grinding a little against you. You suddenly relaxed under her and spread your legs wider, your brows furrowed as Abby's lower stomach pressed into your pussy. "Tell me." 

"Are you teasing me?" You asked as you swallowed a quiet moan.

"I'm asking." Abby breathed in your skin, addicted to your scent: you smelled like warmness and home to her. She licked a long strip on your neck, from your collarbones to your ear and smirked when you made a little mewling sound in her ear. She was genuinely asking, but she couldn't help but tease you a little.

"Can you touch me?" You asked shyly, not even meaning touching your pussy - you'd get there eventually - you just wanted her hands on you. "Like-" You swallowed and stroked her sides. "Like that?" 

Abby melted.

She nodded and squeezed your sides, spreading her fingers over your waist and hips, and you closed your eyes, enjoying the solid firm pressure from Abby’s hands.

"Like that?" 

"Yeah." 

Abby kissed you and moved down, putting her mouth over your nipple, swirling her tongue around your bud. You arched into her, choking on air, your body like a naked wire, but she held you down again. Abby looked at you, stupidly turned on from your reactions.

"You're sensitive." Abby stated in amazement and smiled, so fucking pleased with this fact about you. 

You didn't have time to even think what to say to Abby as she sucked on your nipple and grinded on you, watching your reaction with hunger: she saw it once and nothing would tear her away from you now. You whimpered, your nails digging in Abby's shoulders as she continued playing with your nipples: her tongue on one nipple and her fingers on the other as she pressed her body flush against your pussy.  You felt how wet you got, soaking through your underwear - you probably had a wet spot on your shorts now - but you didn't care as long as you had Abby's hands and mouth on you. 

Abby moved back to your face, admiring you, all flushed and panting. You smiled at Abby and pulled her into the kiss, barely maintaining it as you couldn't stop smiling. 

Abby touched the waistband of your shorts and looked at you, serious again. 

"I'm going to take them off." Abby said, waiting for your confirmation. 

"Good idea." You giggled and watched Abby undress you completely. She took your underwear with your shorts, not wasting any time. 

"Fuck, you're so beautiful." Abby said tenderly, her gaze making you blush as she looked you over. "What do you like?"

"I-uh." You tried to get your thoughts together. "Anything?"

Abby nodded and spread your legs with her hand, caressing your thighs in the process. You shivered when you felt cool air on your wet hole and you covered your face, a little embarrassed when you noticed how intensely Abby was staring between your legs.

Abby felt her mouth water when she saw how wet you were, the desire to make you feel good overpowering her. You were so responsive it made her want to touch you even more, but your shyness melted her heart. 

"Hey, don't be shy." Abby chuckled as she caressed your pelvis lightly. "You're so pretty." 

"Fuck you." You laughed affectionately and moved your hand from your face to look at Abby, who was grinning at you. 

And then Abby moved down, leaving lingering kisses on your stomach until she was right in front of your pussy, her shoulders keeping your legs apart. Abby snaked her hands around your thighs, locking you in one position, and you caught your breath, just staring at her. You couldn't move, her grip on you was unyielding. 

Abby kissed your thighs gently, making you relax again: this feeling was so fucking addicting, just watching you visibly unbend and just accept what was happening - it pressed Abby's buttons in ways that her mind got even filthier, imagining if you could let go completely and let her do whatever she wanted with you. 

Abby pressed on your thighs, spreading them even wider to open you up for her, all pretty, wet and hot. Abby smirked and licked you from your hole all the way up to your clit, the tip of Abby's tongue making you twitch in her hands from sudden painful pleasure. Too much, Abby thought and relaxed her tongue on your clit, circling it softly. She watched your breath hitch and eyes flutter, the soft, quiet sounds leaving your lips as she played with your clit. You were so wet and tasted so fucking good Abby didn't want to leave your thighs ever again. 

Abby's mouth felt so good on you, you couldn't even think as she sucked on your clit, making you fucking jump in her arms, but she held you down without breaking her movements and doubled her efforts, sucking and licking and swirling her tongue until your heavy breathing turned into loud moans. 

"Abby, fuck-" You managed to say between your high whines. "Jesus-" 

But Abby ignored you, keeping her pace steady on your clit, her chin covered in your slick. She felt how twitchy you got, and she smirked knowing you were close, so she sped up just a little, cautious not to overwhelm you and break the spell before you'd cum for her.

Abby's tongue was pulling you down and down and down, drowning you in syrupy pleasure, building you up to the inevitable as your thighs started to shake and your voice became high pitched, your moans broken and choked. You grabbed Abby's forearm as you felt your orgasm approaching.

"Fuck- ohmygod- abby- Abby!" You screamed, oh god Abby made you fucking scream and she wasn’t stopping, she wasn’t stopping, her tongue lightly moving up and down your pussy, collecting your wetness as she licked you clean. It made you blush and you covered your face again as you tried to get your body under control.

The hold on your thighs eased up and Abby kissed your stomach, her tongue hot on your skin. She took her time, worshipping you as she placed soft kisses on your body: you were so soft and delicate she couldn’t believe she actually got to touch you. Abby moved up and gently moved your arm away from your face.

“Hey.” Abby said as she smiled at you, so tender it was almost unbearable. You looked so good, still twitching after your first orgasm, and Abby looked into your eyes, trying to remember every little line and every blush and how your breathing wasn’t evened out yet, but you were smiling back at her.

“Hi.” You giggled and put your trembling fingers on Abby’s neck. You looked at each other and broke into happy giggles. “Gimme a sec, I need my body to stop shaking and then it’s your turn.”

“That good, huh?” Abby smirked and you blushed. “Actually. Do you think you can go again?” Abby asked, her hand moving down to your hip, tracing circles on your hip bones. 

"Yeah." You nodded, a little confused, and then Abby's hand moved further down. "Oh, you mean now." You giggled at your own obliviousness.

"Yeah." Abby whispered as she watched you, her hunger back. "Wanna see you cum again, you're so fucking beautiful."

You looked at Abby with wide eyes and kissed her desperately, her words messing with your heart, turning you into butter. 

Abby pulled away, wanting to see your face when she'd push inside you. She moved her fingers through your folds, so gentle and careful, and you felt one finger circling your hole. You shuddered in anticipation, looking back at Abby, her pupils so dilated she almost lost all blue in her eyes. And then she pushed her finger inside and you couldn't even make a sound. You were still tight and wet after your last orgasm, and Abby's finger felt amazing as she slowly stroked your walls.

"Fuck, (y/n)." Abby whispered and kissed your neck, sucking a hickey into your skin. 

She wanted to be careful with you, to keep you relaxed until your pleasure would build up enough for you to start making these pretty high noises. Abby curled up her finger, looking for your sweet spot, and suddenly your thighs closed on her arm and you whimpered. 

"There you go." Abby smiled, enjoying you. She eased up a little, giving you a chance to exhale. "Breathe, baby.” She chuckled when she noticed you held your breath. 

You inhaled sharply and your thighs relaxed, not locking Abby’s arm anymore.

"Good girl." Abby said affectionately, so pleased with you and you whined, your head suddenly fuzzy.

You looked at Abby: she was so gorgeous, her face calm and her cheeks faintly pink with a bunch of freckles you wanted to kiss, her hair tucked behind her ears - god you loved when her hair was down. You ran your hand from her neck to her waist, adoring all soft warm skin under your fingertips as she thrusted into you, your breathing turning from sighs to moans.

“Do you want another one?” She whispered in your ear, making you shudder, her mouth working another hickey on your pulse point. 

“Yeah.” You gripped Abby’s hair gently and she pressed her mouth harder to your neck. 

Abby pulled her finger out and you felt empty and a little cold, but then you felt two fingers pressing inside. Abby pushed them in slowly, marvelling by how soft and tight you were around her, how you looked at her, your eyes a little foggy while you smiled a little. Abby curled her fingers and you clenched around her, whimpering, and Abby felt her own hole clench in response. Fuck it was hot.

You felt so full, Abby’s fingers pressing everywhere, ripping sounds out of you on each thrust. Your skin was on fire, each nerve trembling as Abby sped up, her fingers pressing against your sweet spot, as absolutely obscene wet sounds joined your whimpers. It took a little longer to bring you over the edge, but Abby didn’t break her relentless pace until you cried out for her, your walls clenching and pulsating around her fingers as you came, shaking so violently Abby had to use her other hand to hold you down as you twitched uncontrollably while coming down from your high. 

Abby watched you, spellbound, as you came on her fingers, your throat bared for her, purple marks blooming everywhere: you were hers, only hers, and you were so beautiful, like a fucking angel.

"There you go, doing so good for me." Abby praised you as she pulled her fingers out slowly, watching your blissed out face.

Suddenly there was pressure on her shoulders as you made her lie back while your trembling fingers went under her sports bra.

“I wanna see you.” You said in a shaky voice, barely standing up, your thighs still shaking from your orgasm, sticky with your slick. “Can I go down on you?”

Just hearing these words coming out of your mouth made Abby groan - she wanted to fuck you again, but you looked so desperate and wanting she couldn’t refuse. She really couldn’t say no to you, could she? 

Abby sat up and helped you undress her completely, blushing a little under your hungry eyes. You nestled between Abby’s thighs and tried to just absorb her, your eyes roaming over her body, so fucking powerful and beautiful and perfect. You leaned down to Abby and kissed her neck while your hands ran up from her thighs to her waist. Fuck she was magnificent, firm lines mixed with soft flesh. 

“I wanna fucking inhale you.” You said into the crook of her neck, dizzy with desire. Abby’s breath caught in her throat, her ears ringing and her pussy aching because of your words, that were filled with raw obsession. 

“Holy shit, doll.” Abby sighed and tried to get you to lift your head, but you were already moving down, leaving sweet kisses on Abby’s collarbones and stomach.

You cupped Abby’s tits carefully and she closed her eyes, enjoying your touch. You smiled and took her nipple into your mouth, sucking on it gently, and Abby made this low appreciative noise that went straight to your clit. Abby was much quieter than you, but it only turned you on more, listening to her soft fast breathing as you went down, kissing her abs, her sides, mouthing at her muscles as she flexed, her breath hitching every time you placed a new kiss on her skin. You couldn’t get enough of her: you traced Abby’s v-line with your tongue and then planted open-mouthed kisses on conjunctions of her hips, nuzzling in the dips as Abby spread her thighs wider. 

“Can I ask you for something?” You asked as you moved all the way down, getting comfortable between Abby’s thighs. 

“Yeah.”

“Will you be able to keep still?” You mouthed at her thighs, looking Abby in the eyes. You knew you wouldn't be able to hold her down, but you wanted her to let you do what you needed to do.

Abby was surprised by your request, but it only turned her on - it was nearly impossible not to move in this situation, but you asked her - and your wish was her command.

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” You said and buried your face between Abby’s thighs.

Abby twitched but stopped herself from moving, letting you do whatever you want. You opened your mouth and put it over Abby’s pussy, slowly flicking her clit with your tongue. Abby squeezed the pillow behind her and hissed, her orgasm already close: she’s been close since she pushed her fingers inside you. And now Abby had you between her legs and she had to stop herself from moving while your tongue played her like musical instrument and she knew she wouldn’t fucking last. 

“Fuck.” Abby gasped when you gently sucked on her clit, her thighs trembling by the sides of your head. Your mouth felt fucking amazing, and Abby felt her lower stomach tighten, so fucking close. 

Abby tentatively moved her hips up to meet your tongue, bucking up so slightly and so gently - she didn't want to take your control away, but she was almost there. You put your hands on her hip bones and helped her grind against your mouth so tenderly you'd think she was being shy, but Abby moved so precisely you figured that was something she liked, and your heart ached: this powerful woman was so delicate in your arms right now. You met her movements with your soft tongue, flicking her clit until she started to lose her pace. Abby was close, so you gently pressed her hips back to the bed - more accurately, Abby let you press her back to the bed - and sped up, desperate to give Abby her orgasm. 

"Holy fuck." Abby moaned quietly, her voice shaking a little. "Just like that, baby- oh fuck-" She managed to say and in the next second Abby was pulled under as her body exploded, the long groan ripping from her lungs, her hands clutching the pillow so hard she might have torn the fabric. 

You watched Abby obsessively, your mouth slack against her: she was gorgeous, her chest heaving with her fast breathing as the reality came back to her. You moved up to kiss Abby, lying on top of her.

"Hey, (y/n)." Abby called, panting, her eyes are still closed, but her hands were already on you, caressing your back and your waist.

"Yeah?" You kissed her cheek, her nose, her eyes, buzzing with happiness.

Abby opened her eyes and you pressed your thighs together under her dark determined gaze: she looked at you like you were her prey and she finally caught you.

"Can you go again?"

[roseverdict]

Lost and Found

April O'Neil was not lost.

She was not!

She was exploring the playground and the surrounding area, that was all!

…but was she supposed to take a right turn at Albearto's or a left?

Maybe she was a teensy bit lost after all.

(Or, apparently there are some tweets about how April presumably met the guys a good few years before the events of the series, but they didn't get the chance to elaborate on it since network mismanagement shot the show in the foot. However, the idea of teensy April with tiny tortles has been bouncing around my brain like a Windows screensaver ever since I saw those tweets.)

(Or, "piece of evidence #254 that i cannot for the LIFE of me control the hyperfixate")

〜

i know there's a line in "repairin' the baron" that implies that splinter and the turtles have yet to meet april's mom but shshshshsh i do what i want. also i think the idea of mrs. o'neil knowing about them from the get-go is neat :>

tw/sidenote but both april and her mom are aware (to varying degrees) of the danger to a lost kid in a big city with plenty of melanin in their skin. the white guy who harasses april for a bit knows it too. things get stopped before any lasting injuries can be gotten and nothing explicitly racist is said, but still. i'm trying to be accurate as i can be to these situations and the characters but i'm so pasty you could colorpick from most of my skin and just get #FFFFFF so. no firsthand experience.

also there are brief mentions of potential amputation, though nothing actually gets amputated.

stay safe all.

(you can tell i'm not a new yorker by the way i make up place names and intersections xD)

〜

April O'Neil was not lost.

She was not!

She was exploring the playground and the surrounding area, that was all!

And maaaybe she had lost track of her directions somewhere a few blocks ago, but she still recognized the buildings around her, so she was fine!

Really, she was!

…but was she supposed to take a right turn at Albearto's or a left?

April shivered and tugged her orange hoodie tighter around her body. "Hoboy."

Maybe she was a teensy bit lost after all.

Well, sitting around all alone in Manhattan when you were the cutest, most charming little girl in town was a surefire way to get yoinked into some alleyway by shady gross people. If she was gonna be lost, she sure as heck wasn't gonna look like it!

April started walking as confidently as she could down streets she knew but couldn't quite piece together. Hopefully, she'd stumble across the entrance to the playground and be able to get back before Momma and Daddy started worrying about her.

While her confident swagger prevented people from giving her any weird looks, it did not prevent her from hearing a weird, quiet chirp-y noise.

April slowed, then wormed her way through the throng of adults until she popped out the side and could come to a stop. "Wha…?"

The chirp-y noise came back, this time easier to hear now that she wasn't in the middle of all those people, and April cautiously followed it back to the open end of an alleyway.

The chirping persisted.

It didn't sound human, per se, but at the same time it had a lack of…something…that made April think it wasn't just some freaky bird.

It kinda reminded her of…

…crying.

"H-hello?" called April shakily. "Is anyone there?"

The chirping came to a stop with a squeak, and April frowned, taking a step forward. "I don't wanna hurt you, okay? Are you alright?"

There came no response, but April took another step, then a third, scanning the alley for any shady gross people.

After a few more steps, April froze.

So did the big turtle shell thingy jammed between bags of garbage opposite some old graffiti- though, on second thought, maybe she just thought it was big because she'd only ever seen turtles in the zoo that were small enough for Momma to pick up in her hands. Apparently some turtles got to be way bigger than grown-ups, but this turtle shell was only a little bigger than the turtles at the zoo.

"…hi, there," said April quietly.

A turtle face peeked out at her from inside the shell, wide-eyed.

After a moment, April lowered herself to the ground and crossed her legs. "Why're you crying?"

Now, she hadn't really been expecting an answer- she'd just figured that talking calmly like Daddy did whenever she scraped her knee might help calm the turtle down.

That said, she figured she did a great job at not startling when the turtle spoke, and with a voice like a little kid, to boot. "…I, I think I'm l-lost."

"You're lost?" asked April. "Me, too. Do you have any friends that should be with you?"

The turtle's head slowly came out from his shell, and he nodded. "M-me and my brothers were explorin', but I got distracted by the pretty wall art and when I looked around they were, they were gone!"

"Pretty wall art? Y'mean the graffiti?" April asked, twisting her head to look back at the graffiti in question- a vivid neon version of the sunrise over Manhattan. She turned back and grinned. "You got good taste, turtle boy!"

That got Turtle Boy to giggle, and he carefully pulled himself from his shell and his hiding place to sit in front of her. "You think so?"

"I know so." April held out a hand for him to shake. "My name's April."

"Hi, April," giggled Turtle Boy as he shook her hand. "I'm Mikey."

Huh. He only had three fingers instead of five. Then again, he wasn't a human kid, so it made sense.

April beamed at Mikey. "Well, then, whaddya say we try and find our families? At least we won't be alone and lost."

Mikey nodded, but then he glanced out at the hustle and bustle of the adults just past the mouth of the alley. "But what if the human grown-ups see me?"

April frowned in thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers. "They can't see you if you're wearing something big and baggy! Hang on-!"

She took her hand back from Mikey and yanked off her hoodie, then held it out to him. "Try this on!"

Mikey's eyes widened, and April almost could have sworn he got stars in them. "A-are you sure?"

"Positive," April said, winking at him. "Besides, ain't turtles cold-blooded? It's getting kinda chilly out these days anyway."

Mikey took the hoodie like it was some kind of sacred artifact in a movie, then slipped it on over his shell. The sleeves were long enough to hide his turtle-hands, and when they both stood up, it went down far enough that what little April could still see of his legs could easily pass as weird pants and shoes.

"Now you're lookin' cozy," April proclaimed, reaching over and flipping the hood over his head.

Mikey giggled, then grabbed her hand and grinned up at her. "Okay, let's go."

April gave his hand a squeeze, and the two of them struck out into the wilderness of rush hour.

"So, Mikey, do you recognize anything around here?" asked she after a few moments of walking.

Mikey's head turned from left to right and back again as he looked around, then he pointed with his free hand at Metro Tower, his sleeve flopping slightly at the end. "I think we were trying to go, uh, over there when we got separated."

"Right!" April nodded and led the way. "To the tower!"

For the most part, they managed to get through the crowds without too much trouble.

When they were just a few blocks away, though-

"Hey, there, kiddo. You're looking kinda green, heheh."

April tensed at the voice from one of the alleys. That was definitely somebody trying to be shady and gross.

She glanced at Mikey worriedly, but when he didn't seem to have any ideas for what to do beyond freezing up in fear, she swallowed down her nerves, squeezed his hand again, and shot a fake smile into the alleyway. "Thanks for your concern, mister, but my bro here just really likes dressing up as animals."

"Is that so?" asked the voice. The owner stepped into view, a very tall, very grown-up, very big white guy with an extremely icky grin on his face. "Would either of you be willing to show me the full costume?"

April gulped.

In the distance, she heard a few new voices yelling for Mikey, and from the tiny gasp that came out of him, April made an educated guess and said, "Sorry, mister, but our other brothers are prob'ly looking for us. Gotta go!"

Mikey nodded quickly. "Eheheh, yep! Bye!"

The two of them tried to bolt, but the man shot forward and yanked Mikey's hood down, gripping it hard enough that Mikey made a choked noise and skidded to a stop, clawing helplessly at his throat.

"HEY!" April snapped, whirling back around.

"A costume, eh?" snickered the gross guy. "Looks to me like you're a grade-A freak!"

April grit her teeth. "Let him go. Now."

"No, no, I don't think I will," said Gross Guy, scowling. "A scientific weirdo like this thing is gonna make me the big bucks!"

"Oh, I'll show you a scientific weirdo," hissed April right before charging the man and punching him right in the groin.

The sound Gross Guy made sounded a lot like the squeak Mikey had made when she first saw him, except better because Gross Guy's hand flew from Mikey's hood to grab at where April had punched.

Mikey gasped for breath, but April just grabbed him by the sleeve and started running. "C'mon, we gotta book it before he recovers!"

The two of them stumbled for a moment as Mikey got his feet back under him, but then they were sprinting down the sidewalk as fast as Mikey's little legs would let them. After a few moments of this, though, April shifted her grip on Mikey and just hefted him up into her arms, shell and all. "Hang on!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE-!"

Mikey glanced behind her, then shrank into his shell a bit. "He's gaining on us!"

April poured on the speed, but at the same moment as she saw another turtle boy about a street away and happened to catch his eye, a massive hand grabbed her by the hair and yanked her to a stop.

She let her grip on Mikey loosen so he would be able to go flying a few feet forward and yelled, "MIKEY, RUN!"

"Wha-? But April-!"

"I SAID RUN!"

She flailed in Gross Guy's grip in an effort to become as slippery, un-grabbable, and distraction-like as possible, but all she managed to do was get turned around so she couldn't see if Mikey got away.

Instead, all she got to see was Gross Guy glaring at her bad enough she almost wanted to cry.

Figured.

〜

Raphie's eyes flew wide as the human girl screamed, "MIKEY, RUN!"

From where he'd landed on the ground, Mikey scrambled to his feet, but instead of running- "Wha-? But April-!"

"I SAID RUN!"

Raphie chirped loudly, alerting Donnie and Leo to where he was without saying anything the human man might pick up on, then darted through the shadows to where Mikey lay, yanking him out of sight and into a nearby alley.

Mikey shook for a second, but once he saw Raphie's face, he launched himself up and grabbed Raphie in a tight hug. Before Raphie could hug him back, though, Mikey quickly pulled back and pointed tearfully at where the two humans were fighting.

Well, it was more of the man managing to drag the girl into another alley as she wiggled and yelled, but still.

For a moment, Dad's instructions to never, ever be seen by humans rang in Raphie's ears.

Then he reminded himself that the girl seemed to be trying to help Mikey, and it'd be rude to not help her back.

Raphie nodded to Mikey, then gave him a pat on the shoulder and slunk into the alley after the two humans.

"You idiot!" hissed the man, finally managing to grab the girl by the shoulders and slam her back against the wall, her feet dangling. "You just let the jackpot of a lifetime run free!"

The girl leaned away from the man's face, then spat right into his eyes.

Something in the man's face twisted. "Why, you-!"

Yeah, okay, Raphie wasn't watching any more of this.

He jumped up onto the man's back and clawed at him, a growl rising up in his chest.

The man squawked in surprise, though he didn't let go of the girl until Raphie bit him in the shoulder. He didn't bite at full strength- Donnie'd made sure he knew the kind of power a normal alligator snapping turtle had, and he didn't want to amputate anything (or, well, half-amputate with his tiny mouth)- but it was still more than enough to get the man to drop the girl to the ground.

As soon as the girl was free, Raphie stopped biting in favor of shoving himself off the man in such a way that the guy went tumbling into the wall.

The girl gawked at him, but shook herself out of it pretty quick once he grabbed her hand and ran back to where Mikey was, leaving the man to lick his wounds. "Thanks for the save, big guy! Guessing you're one of Mikey's brothers?"

Raphie nodded. "I'm Raphie."

"Good to meetcha, weird alley man aside," the girl laughed awkwardly, then leaned heavily on the nearby wall. "I'm April."

Raphie shot her a grin and a nod-

-and then Mikey cannonballed into her. "APRIL! Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine, Mikey, I promise," April told him, taking the cannonball-hug in stride and patting his shell through the hoodie he'd found. "Dude screwed up my locs, though. Booooo."

There came a groan from the other alley, and April's head whipped around to look before whipping back to meet Raphie's eyes. "We gotta move."

Raphie nodded. "If we can get down to the sewers, me and my bros know those like the backs of our hands."

"Then what're we waiting for?" asked Donnie, poking his head up from a manhole deeper in their alley.

"Let's go!" called Leo, popping up next to him.

The guy Raphie'd bitten made a weak-but-furious growling noise, and April nodded quickly. "Sounds good to me!"

Raphie watched carefully as she turned Mikey to the manhole and walked him over. She seemed to have Mikey's best interests at heart, and she didn't seem freaked out by the fact that they were all a bunch of talking turtles, but…

April glanced back at him. "Raphie, you coming?"

"I'm the oldest, so I gotta make sure everybody else is safe, first," Raphie told her firmly.

"Really? How old are you?"

"Ten. That's a whole two digits."

April snickered. "I'm eleven, which means I outrank you! Into the sewer with you, Turtle Boy!"

Raphie spluttered indignantly, but Mikey just giggled as he clambered down. "Yeah, into the sewer!"

Because she got Mikey to giggle, and only for that reason, Raphie relented and went next. April gestured grandly at the manhole as he passed, and then as soon as Raphie climbed low enough, she followed suit.

"Don't forget the manhole cover," called Donnie from below.

April nodded. "Gotcha."

The fading daylight cut out as April hefted the cover and pulled it back over the hole, and then they were lit only by the service lights of the sewer itself as they descended.

"So, I already met Mikey and Raphie," April said, glancing down at something past Raphie, "but I don't think I caught your names."

"My name is Donatello-"

"-but we just call him Donnie! I'm Leo!" declared he cheerfully.

"Ugh."

April chuckled. "Nice to meetcha. I'm April."

"Well, April, the sewers make for a quick getaway, but I doubt you want to stay down here forever," Donnie remarked as they started reaching the bottom. "Was there anywhere you needed to go?"

Once Raphie touched down, April hopped the last few feet to the ground and turned to them. "Yeah, actually. You know how to get to Carney Park?"

"Of course I do! I know everything," bragged Donnie, adjusting his glasses haughtily. "This way- wait."

Raphie watched as Donnie tensed. "…Donnie…?"

"The only efficient way to get from here to there is to take April through…" Donnie breathed, glancing at Raphie worriedly, "…the lair."

"Ah, crud," moaned Leo.

"Wha-? What's 'ah, crud?' What's 'the lair?'" April asked, fiddling with her hair. Then, after glancing around, in a whisper, "Is there a sewer gator?"

"No, no sewer gators!" Mikey assured quickly. "It's just…the lair is what we call our home, and we…may or may not have snuck out while Dad was napping."

"He has a very strict 'no human interaction' rule, for reasons you've just experienced," Donnie added.

Leo buried his head in his hands. "He probably won't even be mad. He'll just be…"

Raphie shuddered. "…disappointed."

April grimaced. "Oof, I know what that's like. Are we positive there's no other way?"

Donnie shrugged helplessly. "It's either the lair or a detour."

"How long a detour are we talking?" asked April, perking up some.

"On foot? Something like…" Donnie swallowed. "…an extra hour."

It was April's turn to groan and drop her face into her hands. "Awww, nooo, I'm gonna get so grounded!"

Even though April was (allegedly) older than Raphie, in that moment, all he saw was a girl like Leo or Donnie or Mikey- in need of Big Bro Raphie.

Raphie set his jaw, then turned to the others. "We go through the lair. Hopefully Pops is still sleeping, and if he's not…we sneak her through."

"You sure, Raphie?" asked Leo.

Raphie nodded firmly. "I'm sure."

"Then we'd best get a move on," Donnie said. "We've been gone…how long, exactly?"

April checked her wrist. "Well, it's almost 6 PM now. I dunno when you left, though."

Donnie still nodded, taking in the info. "Then Dad should hopefully still be asleep by the time we reach the lair, but only if we move fast."

"So let's hoof it!" declared Leo, breaking into a jog.

Mikey grabbed April's hand and dragged her after Leo. "Onwards!"

Raphie waited to make sure Donnie got back to the front of the group, then set off after them, keeping an eye out for anything else that might throw a wrench in their plans for the day.

"So, you're eleven?" asked Mikey after a few minutes.

April managed a laugh between breaths. "Sure am!"

Mikey beamed at her. "Cool! I'm eight!"

"Me and the nerd here are nine!" added Leo, pointing a thumb at Donnie.

"It's 'the nerd here and I,' Nardo," corrected Donnie.

Leo snorted. "See what I mean?"

April chuckled weakly, and Raphie glanced over at her just in time to see her foot come down and twist-

"Aaand scoop!" Raphie decided, doing exactly that to April before she had a chance to drop.

"Nice catch, Raphie!" Mikey cheered.

April blinked in surprise, then grinned sheepishly. "Thanks. Apparently I gotta work on my endurance."

"We're almost to the lair," murmured Donnie, slowing down.

"Right." Raphie shot Leo a look. "Leo, check if Pops is awake."

Leo nodded. "On it."

As Leo darted off, Raphie looked down at April. "I saw your ankle twist. Can you walk?"

"Only one way to find out," April declared.

Raphie set her on her feet, and while he held his hands nearby to catch her in case she fell, she didn't seem to need it. A little wobbling as she caught her balance, and April was fine.

Phew.

"Oh, haha, hiii, Dad!" called Leo's voice loudly. "You're up, I see!"

Raphie, April, Mikey, and Donnie all froze.

"He should've been out for another half-hour!" hissed Donnie.

"What do we-?" whispered Mikey.

"Stick close, April," Raphie decided. "I'm biggest, so if Pops gets close, hide behind me and we'll pretend you ain't there. Donnie, Mikey, act natural."

〜

"I certainly am," chuckled Splinter, scritching Leonardo's head. "How are you and your brothers doing, Blue?"

"Doing great!" Leonardo said with a grin, the response coming suspiciously fast and the smile growing suspiciously wide.

Well, so long as he and his brothers weren't actively being harmed, he supposed he could let it go just this once. Perhaps they were just trying to sneak in something cool they found while playing.

Splinter nodded and turned to head back to the TV room. "Wonderful."

He pretended not to notice as Donatello and Michelangelo entered with exaggerated sneaking motions, and he pretended not to notice as Raphael followed with a fake casualness.

He pretended not to notice as Leonardo joined the other three, and he pretended not to notice as the four of them tried to abscond to elsewhere in the lair.

When an unfamiliar voice gasped in time with a human girl stumbling into view, clearly hiding from him behind Raphael until whatever made her wince in pain, however, Splinter knew he had to confront his sons.

"Boys-!"

"Don't get mad at April!" Michelangelo burst, darting between the two of them with his arms held out protectively. "She helped me get unlost and saved me from a meanie human grown-up!"

"She told Mikey to get to safety when the bad guy grabbed her," Raphael added, mirroring the position. "And I thought the ankle she twisted was fine."

"It was!" protested the girl- April- as she leaned heavily on one leg. "At least, until just now. I think I double-twisted it."

"She's been remarkably calm about this whole situation, as well," Donatello chimed in, gesturing to himself in regards to the 'situation.'

Leonardo stepped between Donatello and Michelangelo, finishing the formation of a protective line between Splinter and April. "Dad, please don't be mad-"

"You snuck out?" Splinter started with. Then, before they could respond, he held up a hand. "This may be surprising, but I suppose I was already well-aware of that. I will be back to that subject later, but first- you all know how dangerous humans can be! And you brought one here?"

Then the other implications of his sons' words hit him like a yawning chasm splitting open in his chest.

"Wait, wait, wait- you needed saving?!"

Michelangelo nodded emphatically. "So I got distracted and lost track of the others and there was this guy, right? And April let me borrow her hoodie so people wouldn't see me and freak out but this guy saw me anyway, and he had the hood so I couldn't get away and April punched him between the legs so we could run! She picked me up so we could go faster, but then the guy grabbed her by the hair so she tossed me and Raphie was there and-"

"Woah, woah, Orange, slow down. I only caught the first part of that," Splinter said, holding his hands up placatingly.

Michelangelo took a deep breath, but Raphael dropped a hand on his shoulder and spoke instead. "Pops, this guy was going after Mikey, and April put herself in harm's way to get him to safety. Once we got away, she mentioned she needed to get to Carney Park, but the quickest way there meant we would need to come through the lair. I-I know you don't trust humans, but April is trustworthy, I swear."

Splinter looked between his sons, then searched April's gaze for…something.

The girl's hair was a mess. He'd done film work with all kinds of folks, way back in the day, and he knew that the amount of care that went into certain hairstyles- such as, for instance, April's- meant that for each grouping of hair to be frayed and off-kilter the way it was…well, that certainly proved the 'grabbed by the hair' part of the story.

She wasn't breathing too heavily, but it was still clear that she'd been doing a lot of physical exertion recently, and she certainly favored one leg over the other.

He looked into the girl's eyes- she couldn't possibly have been much older than Raphael!- and saw tempered steel underneath a laid-back exterior.

He looked into the girl's eyes and saw himself, and he saw her find herself in his in turn.

(He had a feeling that if he forbade his sons from becoming her friend, she was going to worm her way in anyway.)

"April, correct?" asked Splinter.

"Yes, sir," said she.

Splinter gently parted Leonardo and Michelangelo, then stepped forward. After a moment more, he held out a hand to shake. "You may call me Splinter. Thank you for keeping my boys safe."

Instantly, his boys relaxed, and April cracked a grin as she took his hand. "What can I say? They grew on me quick."

"Red, you mentioned getting April here to Carney Park?" Splinter asked, turning to Raphael.

Raphael nodded.

"Then you'd best get moving so she can get there before sundown."

"…can we play with April after this?" asked Michelangelo. "Like, playdates and stuff?"

"I'd be down for that," April answered, as if silently daring Splinter to contradict her.

Splinter sighed. "Perhaps it would be good to have some form of interaction outside of each other and this old rat."

He tried, but…just because he somewhat knew he was a less-than-stellar parent, that didn't automatically give him the ability to change that fact at will. Maybe a bit of outside interaction might help…well, everything.

A resounding cheer rose up from his sons, and Splinter smiled.

〜

Carol O'Neil was not panicking.

She was not!

She was searching every inch of the streets around Carney Park after exhausting her search of the playground inside, that was all!

And maaaybe she was calling her husband more often than strictly necessary, such as whenever she came to a new intersection without seeing her daughter, but it was perfectly normal to want to stay connected during such a time of crisis!

A crisis that, it bore repeating, was not making her panic.

…oh, who was she kidding?

April had disappeared forty-seven minutes and sixteen seconds ago exactly, and Carol had desperately tried to keep the numbers and statistics from overwhelming her ever since. She and her husband had scoured the playground, then set off to methodically search the surrounding streets, even calling in some of their friends and coworkers to help look, but to no avail.

It was like her daughter had vanished into thin air.

Her phone buzzed- another text from one of her coworkers.

nothing on 25th and Broadway :(

Carol stifled a sob with her free hand, but slid her phone back into her jacket pocket and turned to head back to the park. Maybe…maybe April had just found some sort of hiding place to take a nap?

(Carol ignored how flimsy the idea was in favor of something, anything that could give her a way to find her daughter. She knew the numbers. An unattended black girl lost in the big city could very well never get home again.)

She was so focused on keeping her breathing steady that she almost missed the voice at the edge of her hearing.

Almost.

The words were too quiet to discern, but the voice was calm, and Carol slowed to a stop. "April…?"

There were other voices, unfamiliar but just as young.

Then a manhole cover shifted in a nearby alleyway, and Carol pressed herself against a nearby wall.

"Looks liiike…the coast is clear," said a young boy. "And, just as I calculated, Carney Park is just a few blocks due south of our location!"

"Thanks, Donnie," said April's voice. "Y'all are lifesavers, you don't even know."

Carol was halfway through rounding on the alleyway in all her worried glory when-

"What? No, you're the lifesaver, April," said another boy's voice. "Like, literally. If you hadn't been there and helped me get back to my bros, I-I might'a been-!"

"Oh, don't get all mushy on me now, Mikey," April snorted.

Carol finished her motion, but stayed deathly silent as she took in the scene before her.

There were anthropomorphic turtles in the alley.

April was in the alley, her locs askew and one of her ankles slightly swollen…

…and a warm smile on her face.

None of them seemed to have seen her, and as she watched, April pulled the smallest of the turtles into a tight hug as if he was just another neighborhood kid.

The smallest turtle was wearing April's hoodie.

How had one of these turtles gotten April's hoodie?!

"Promise I'll try to hang out a bunch, okay?" April continued. "You guys are cool, and don't think I didn't see that skateboard ramp in there. I'm gonna pull off so many sick tricks you'll be begging me to teach y'all."

"Do I smell someone attempting to claim my throne as the sickest skater in the sewers?" asked yet another boy's voice, and this time Carol could see that it belonged to one of the turtles.

April smirked. "Maybe you do! Never underestimate April O'Neil!"

"See you soon?" asked the biggest of the turtles in yet another little boy's voice.

"Better believe it, Raphie!" April declared, patting the smallest of the turtles before letting go. "And, hey, Mikey, if you wanna hold onto that, you can. I'm the warm-blooded one here, and fall gets chilly."

The small one- Mikey, apparently- nodded. "Okay!"

April stood up straight, but just as quickly slumped back down sheepishly. "Uhhh…which way is due south, again?"

The turtle boy in glasses spoke up, his voice matching "Donnie's." "Well, given the time and the length and direction of the shadows cast by the sun rather than artificial light sources, it should be just that waaaoooeugh, boy…"

Carol blinked as the turtle boy locked eyes with her, then froze up in terror.

Donnie's reaction caused the rest of the group to turn her way, worry on their faces.

April swallowed, then smiled nervously, ducking her head into her shoulders like she was trying to turn into Mikey, who was legitimately drawing his head into both the hoodie and his shell. "…hiii, Momma."

There were many things Carol wanted to do in that moment.

She wanted to grab her daughter and spirit her home and never let her leave her sight again.

She wanted to break down crying from relief.

She wanted to demand to know what had happened and refuse to leave until she was told every single detail.

She wanted to demand to know why there were turtle boys living in the sewers.

She wanted to wring the reasons behind the 'lifesaver' comments out of them.

She wanted to wipe the fear from the children's faces.

In the end, she took a few steps into the alley, dropped to one knee, and held out her arms, hot tears bubbling up and dripping down her cheeks. "Oh, baby, I'm so glad you're okay."

April sniffled, then barreled into her and clung tight.

Carol quickly held April to her chest and peppered the top of her head with quick kisses, and as April started sobbing into her shirt, Carol turned her attention back to the boys.

Clearly, the fact that Carol had not started screaming at or about them had thrown them off a bit.

"I believe I have you all to thank for getting my daughter back somewhere we could find her?" Carol asked knowingly.

"Y-yes, ma'am," squeaked "Raphie," standing ramrod-straight as his brothers withdrew behind him, all four of them watching her warily.

Carol smiled warmly. "Thank you."

Yet again, the boys seemed taken aback, but Mikey quickly recovered and beamed at her from behind his brother's shell. "You're welcome! April's nice!"

…did these boys have parents? Follow-up question, would they like some?

April sniffled a bit as her sobbing slowed, then shifted to rest the side of her head on Carol's chest and look back at the boys. "Got any hangout plans that don't involve getting lost and running into your dad?"

Oh, right, Carol had to be a Stern Mother and make sure April knew not to run off like that again. Darn it all!

"Now, let's not make any plans just yet," Carol interjected, and almost immediately she got distressed protests from all five kids, but she pressed on- "April, you can't just run off and get lost like that on us. We were so worried-!"

"I'm, I'm sorry, Momma-!"

"-so I'm gonna have to make an executive decision, one I'm sure your daddy will agree with," Carol continued, raising her voice just enough to be heard. "You will not be doing anything with these boys-"

"Ms. O'Neil, you can't-!"

"-for the next two weeks!"

Dead.

Silence.

Almost as if afraid to speak, the boy whose name Carol still had yet to hear breathed, "…not for forever?"

"Leo!" hissed Donnie, elbowing him sharply without taking his wide eyes off of Carol.

Carol shook her head. "No, not for forever. This is a punishment for my daughter for wandering off into the city without somebody with her, not for you boys for bringing her back. Telling April she can't be friends with someone ain't my parenting style, anyway."

Oh, no.

They all looked like they were going to cry now.

Carol shifted her grip on April slightly and held out her now-free arm in invitation.

The four boys stumbled over their own feet as they rushed over, and then Carol found herself patting shells and getting nuzzled by little heads and struggling to stay more or less upright under roughly 240 pounds of sobbing, chirping turtle.

Wait, no- 180 pounds of turtle. Donnie hadn't thrown his entire weight at her like the other three, but even he had reached around and grabbed onto Carol's arm from the side, clinging tightly to her jacket sleeve and sniffling.

Not how she'd expected the evening to play out when she'd taken April out to the park, frankly.

Still, Carol murmured reassurances as she let them cry themselves out, and even April joined in after laughing wetly. On instinct, she found herself scritching Raphie's shell, then pressing a kiss to Mikey's forehead, then letting Leo bury his face in her shoulder. She even caught Donnie's watery eyes and tried to convey as much warmth as she could with a small smile.

Donnie gave her a wobbly smile in return before ducking his face into her sleeve, kneading it between his fingers.

After a good few moments, the boys started pulling themselves back together, and Carol made sure to stay put as they stepped back.

"Heh," managed Leo. "Sorry 'bout crying on you, Ms. O'Neil."

His brothers nodded in agreement.

"You're just fine, sweethearts," Carol told them truthfully. "Do you boys have a place to stay?"

"Mm-hmm." Raphie nodded. Then, with a shrug, "We live with our Pop in the…well, in the sewers."

"We keep our part of it very clean," added Donnie quickly. "We have our own rooms, and even several amenities we've found and taken home, such as furniture, a projector, and even Jupiter Jim movies!"

Leo flexed and grinned at Carol as if he hadn't just been bawling his eyes out into her jacket. "And nothing ever gets in without our say-so!"

"S-so it's okay if April wants to come visit sometimes!" Mikey finished, eyes wide and pleading.

"As long as you aren't running around on your own without even a place to sleep," Carol conceded. She…really wasn't sure she liked the idea of these bright boys living in the sewers with only humankind's refuse to claim as their own-

-oh, who was she kidding? She hated it.

Still, they seemed content enough with their lot at the moment, they didn't seem to be in any imminent danger, and Carol was, quite frankly, exhausted from the events of the past few hours, so instead of pressing the issue right then, she said, "April and I should be getting back home, and so should you."

"See you soon?" asked Mikey, giving Carol some of the biggest puppy-dog eyes she'd ever seen.

"Of course!" declared April.

"Not too soon, though," Carol reminded, pushing herself to her feet. "Remember, two weeks. You'll be lucky if we even let you out of our sight, little missy!"

April grinned nervously. "Because I'm your favorite daughter and you love me very much?"

"That, too, but mostly because you are so grounded!" Carol said, leveling a stern look at her.

April sighed. "Figured."

And as April took Carol's hand, and as the children waved their goodbyes, and as the two humans started walking/limping to the park, and as the turtles retreated through the manhole, and as Carol fished out her phone to message the rest of the search party, Carol smirked at April. "You can tell both me and your daddy about everything that happened today once we get home."

April grimaced. "Awww, what?"

"I'll help convince him those boys aren't some kind of imaginary friends, but other than that, you're on your own."

Carol chuckled as April groaned and buried her head in her free hand.

…and maaaybe she squeezed her daughter's hand as her adrenaline rush faded.

She was just glad April was there with her and okay enough to squeeze back.

〜

April O'Neil was not lost.

She pumped her fists excitedly as Momma made her way to an out-of-the-way picnic table, nearly buzzing right out of her skin as she waited.

Momma chuckled and took her sweet time sitting down, then grinned at April. "And that's two weeks. Have fun, and stay close to the park this time, okay, hon?"

"Okay, Momma!"

And April was off like a bullet, tackling a flash of green in the bushes and sending them all to the ground in a tangle of laughing limbs.

[imtouchestarved]

Chapter six

He's staring at her..

All throughout breakfast, Rengoku's gaze never left her direction. She was already shaking with shame as she walked towards the breakfast table, but this made her feel even more ashamed than she was!

Why couldn't he stop even for a minute? Her face and body grew hot with every second his eyes laid on her.

"WHOA, why is he staring at you like that?" Mitsuri asked as she finished her 5th plate. Thanks to the food in her mouth, her voice wasn't so loud like usual, and (Y/n) couldn't be more grateful.

"I don't know.." she whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible. "Well, my behavior yesterday was out of pocket, but I didn't think it was THIS bad that he's gonna stare at me like that.." she shifted closer towards Mitsuri, so most of her face was hidden from him.

Then, she sighed in defeat and gripped her messy hair in frustration. "I do understand him a bit, though.." she admitted while Mitsuri stopped chewing and looked her, waiting for her to continue. "I mean.. I've only met the man three times, and I've acted like I've known him for years.."

She groaned as the embarrassing moments flooded her head. "What have I done," she whined. Her friend put down her bowl of rice and patted her back in an attempt to comfort her. "Don't worry.. Rengoku-san isn't the type to get mad or think badly of people that quickly. I've known him for a while. Just apologize to him, I'm sure he will understand."

The frustrated girl sighed and nodded, "You're right, I'll apologize to him.." Mitsuri clapped her hand tenderly and smiled, "Great! I wish you luck, " she said and went back to her food.

...

Why was she avoiding him? He always saw her in the corner of the room that he was in, peeking at him but never approaching. It was like she wanted to talk to him, but for some reason couldn't. He sighed as he walked in the garden. The hangover really caught up to him, his head was spinning.

Suddenly, his crow landed on his shoulder. He grinned at him and patted its head. "What's up, little guy?" The crow tweeted in response.

"Rengoku-san." A recognizable shaky voice came from behind him. He turned around only to find (Y/n) standing there nervously. She was fidgeting with the hilt of her katana, and her body was tense.

She finally approached him.. he smiled at the thought. "(Y/n)! What is it that you need?" He asked as he walked over to her.

She lifted her chin in an attempt to look more confident, though her shaky fingers gave her away. As she lifted her chin, the sun rays hit her face and lightened up her red tinted cheeks. Rengoku stifled a chuckle.

"I owe you an apology.." she blurted as she put her hand on her chest, squeezing the fabric of her uniform. The man tilted his head in confusion, "You do..?" He questioned and she nodded.

"Yes, of course. My behavior yesterday.. it was totally disrespectful.. it was my first time getting drunk, and I wasn't careful with my words like usual." She bowed, "pardon me if I caused you any discomfort."

The flame hashira started to laugh loudly, the crow on his shoulders flinched and flew away. "Don't be so serious! It was a wonderful conversation! Besides, that's how you act when you get drunk. There's no need to apologize." He sighed and shook his head, "Really now, I knew you were a formal person, but I didn't suspect that much."

The flustered girl stood there in shock. "...so you weren't mad at me?" She asked.

"MAD?! Of course not!!" He stated.

"B-but at breakfast today, you didn't stop staring at me.. you looked furious.." (Y/n) got back to the fidgeting.

His eyes winded, and he scratched the back of his head nervously. "Ahaha..that wasn't my intention! You just look.. different with your hair down.." Rengoku looked away, not meeting her eye.

As he said the sentence, her hand shifted to her hair blocks that slid down her back, stroking it with her fingers. "Oh, I see.. well then, I apologize for assuming," She bowed again.

He waved his hand in denial, "Pay it no mind. How are you dealing with your hangover? Are you feeling okay?" He questioned. (Y/n) nodded and started to tie up her hair. It was getting quite warm. "I've drank some tea with honey. It really helped. Other than a little headache, I feel alright." She answered.

He hummed in satisfaction. "Good, I'm glad!"

The two sat down and chatted a little more, and then it came to an end when all of the pillars had to get back to their duties.

(Y/n) Unwillingly said goodbye to Rengoku and the others. And they all parted ways once again.

She hoped they will meet again.

She hoped one of them won't get killed.

But as soon as she stepped outside of the mansion, a gut-wrenching feeling washed all over her. She could do nothing but ignore it.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

(Tone/intention indicator: non-aggressive!! Pensive and open/hopeful for discussion and/or advice. Not at all trying to be a grouch.)

I do get the joke and I get that there's plenty of evidence that he does like to take it up the ass which is rad for him if he does, you know, but it feels crappy to me, the way a lot of the fandom (NOT you—I haven't seen anything like this from you) and actually also Misha treats Dean and sometimes/by proxy Jensen with the whole calling him/them a bottom, especially when Jensen isn't part of the conversation and doesn't even know that there's anything to respond to. It just gets said about him in public, and then onus is on him to find it and respond. It's a gotcha situation though, I don't think there's even anything he could say in his own defense (if he wanted to, that is. idk, for all I know, maybe Jensen is into it too, but that's sort of my problem.. I don't how he feels about being called a girl, a bottom, an omega etc) that people wouldn't claim that, by saying he isn't a bottom, sub or femme, he actually is proving he's a "subby little girlboy," or so I saw it said. I wish we as a community could talk about the nuance and inherent homophobia and transphobia in leering about it that way, in stereotyping 'bottom/subby behavior' and categorizing that behavior as feminine etc. I'm a trans dude, a dom and a top and a lot of the things I see people saying about Dean being a bottom or, worse, about Jensen being a bottom, are just so.. emasculating to me, because a lot of that stuff is stuff I do, too. Dean is a fictional character so his feelings can't get hurt, but Jensen is a real person, you know? And there's like a million people on the internet saying they can tell he's a subby, femme bottom despite whether he's ever said anything to the contrary or not. It's.. jarring, too, since I'm also a real person and they're often pointing to traits and behaviors that I share as evidence. It makes me so dysphoric to see so many people calling him girly and needy and in heat or what have you and citing how he (over)performs masculinity. I over-perform masculinity, too, but I do it because I enjoy the presentation, not because I'm over-compensating and Actually A Girl. I'm actually pretty comfortable in my relationship with gender at this point. Sometimes I also wear dresses. I'm still a dude. It sucks that it seems like the overwhelming opinion is that loudly performing masculinity can only ever mean overcompensation, and never gender euphoria. It seems like a lot more people are more interested in forcing Dean to perform femininity—like people want to humble and humiliate him for his past/present comphet and his idea of his own masculinity—not in allowing him to participate in traditionally non-masculine things according to what he likes, or to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy. It's like, instead of him aggressively overcompensating his Manly Man-ness, everyone wants to make him aggressively, stereotypically effeminate and one dimensional in the opposite direction. What are your thoughts on it, if you don't mind sharing? Do you think there's a way to have this conversation in the fandom? Or am I missing the point?

hi! okay first of all I love your tone indicators, we should all be doing this online tbh because it absolutely sets the voice for the rest of your ask and I appreciate it so very much.

preliminarily - I am not an expert on this topic in any way, so please take my response with an entire value-size canister of salt.

I think your feelings and thoughts are absolutely valid, and I don't disagree. I personally try to steer clear of most of the real person is this and that thing unless they uh. you know. tweet it out loud at the internet (for what it's worth, I do think - any joking I may have vaguely done aside - that Misha's past two top related tweets specifically were fairly pointed at himself (yes, I know one was about Dean and Cas fanfic, but he said "I" enjoy being on top, not Cas enjoys topping Dean). I am certain he is aware of the innuendo though, and how fandom will take it so your commentary on his being a participant is certainly correct as well. Also, I firmly believe that Misha does treat humans, especially those he is close w, with the utmost respect and any joking he has done re Jensen has been in a place of Jensen being okay with it (like I don't think he would ever say anything he knows would make Jensen feel uncomfortable whether he is within earshot or across the country when it's said).

*takes off Misha apologist hat*

As for the rest, I think your points are extremely well made and it's definitely a conversation that can (and should!) be had in fandom. I do agree that this topic can and has been misconstrued (sometimes for shitposting's sake sometimes not) as it applies to irl people and situations. I personally think that Jensen is a very multidimensional and layered human (which serves him greatly as an actor, I mean he contains literal multitudes) and to classify him as either pendulum end - as you mentioned, is doing his human self a disservice. I think it's also important for all of us to remember that gender is a construct and can be so fluid, so putting any of it in a socially constructed box just defies the entire point of the conversation.

I don't know if this is making any sense (your points are a lot more well spoken and coherent than mine), but I do think what you said is so important and needs to be out there. Also, I hope you know you are so freaking valid and nothing that's said on this site or others about traits/behavioors of Jensen's that mirror your own is a firm definition for those traits/behaviors, especially if people are putting them in a category you don't necessarily agree/feel comfortable with or identify as the right 'definition' if you will. Your words - "to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy" really resonated with me, and I think they hold true for both Jensen and you. To radically be our authentic selves is the goal, and I'm so glad that based on what you said you're feeling about your own relationship with gender it seems like you are in that place!!!

Sorry this is so long of a response and probably. muddy. I hope I got the gist of what you were asking, but also thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, you expressed them really clearly and it's given me a lot to think about :) if I got anything wrong, or misunderstood a point you were making please feel free to pop by and clarify or correct me.

I hope you have an excellent day <3

[eulchu]

You know what I saw that lowkey irritated me and I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong here?? I saw some person comment on Instagram (which I should never read lmao) that was going in on Techno for a "homophobic joke " (which as a lesbian, I can tell you was not fuckin homophobic lol) and saying they didn't care about the money he raised for the Trevor Project during MCC and that they wanted an apology and I was like ???? What kinda backwards ass???? Like, I would much prefer direct charity and action like he did over some empty ass words? Am I crazy or does that seem slightly selfish? Like, I understand wanting an acknowledgment of the thing but... it seems out of turn to say you don't care about a 5 figure donation to a charity dedicated to helping LBGTQ+ folks... and instead you want a notes app screenshot... idk. Don't feel obligated to answer this I was just so taken aback that I needed to write something about it lmao. (Also, maybe once July hits dnf may give us some goddam peace because oh my god the past 24 hours have been Insane.)

ah ah ah i might get into some shit for saying this but you know what <3 it's been over a year since my last tumblr controversy i think we're due for another one.

FUNNY you bring this up because i was thinking the exact same thing after mcc. it's SO ridiculous how the internet does not Know the meaning of growing up and moving on. redemption simply does not exist for them.

first of all, okay, i am not a lesbian but i am a very proud bi that dates girls exclusively, and i don't think the comment was a big deal either. i understand the people who want an apology, i do! but, let's be real here, if techno were to acknowledge it one good 70% of the response would be 'that's not enough' 'pr work' 'ok lesbophobe' so like? what's even the fucking point.

from one "problematic" cc to another, one of my favorite things that dream has said is that sometimes bringing up negative stuff only makes it 100x worse and i agree. if techno lives by those words i applaud him.

another thing that i think is really funny is the timestamp of the events. bro it was a tweet from YEARS ago. what was he? 17? i was a fucking dick at 17, ask anyone. i'm not saying it's okay, or that it was okay back then. i'm just saying i'm not that person anymore?? imagine this was real life right. imagine the situation: this dude comes to school one day and decides to make a tasteless joke. 5 years later he's so eaten away by guilt he shows up to that very school, calls for everyone's attention, stands on top of a table, and apologizes for the joke that he made 5 years before. just imagine the reactions. they'd take him to the hospital.

the internet standards are so ridiculously high and stupid and double standarded that it gives me a headache. anyway! no i don't think you're in the wrong either, i totally agree with you. people's talent of focusing in the wrong things all the fucking time is astonishing.

(also yes dnf brainrot i need a break <33 don't think we're getting one though i feel like the meetup is closer than we think bdjej)

[princessnijireiki]

fuck it today's the day

julia jones been self IDing as mixed black + white + native since AT LEAST the year 2000, at 19yo in college, before she even got into acting, right after she got into modeling

she has been consistent with that + with her father's family's tribal affiliation (choctaw & chickasaw, which is typical for MISSISSIPPI, the american south & southeast are FULL of black ndns) for TWENTY YEARS

the first rumors I saw about julia jones being pretendian came from:

rob at bluecorncomics— a white man & self appointed bq gatekeeper who has been running different ~native appreciation~ blogs for over a decade, policing ppl's identity bc he doesn't believe anyone less than 1/4 full blooded indian "counts" to his personal satisfaction, including dismissing nearly ALL latin american natives out of hand

(I'm not linking rob because he's fucking gross, but y'all can google if you really feel like seeing a white man quantify native blood & flesh, I suppose.)

a twitter post I can't find anymore from a user who posted a photo from julia jones' elementary school class picture/yearbook because they were so mad at the idea that "well she was black when I knew her!!!" they dug up a picture of a frizzy headed 8 year old to direct rage & spite onto as if that was normal

this twitter thread from shauna baker

now, re: that twitter thread. first of all, we are talking about he-said she-said hearsay. I'm not saying shauna's a liar. I'm saying her tweet is not evidence in & of itself, even if this did all happen exactly as she tells it.

that said. for one thing. multiracial people are allowed to have complicated & changing relationships with their identity. wack ass excuse, I know. but there's a shitload of people out here on twitter saying, "oh but she didn't ALWAYS say that," or "she didn't claim her tribe in EVERY interview," which is batshit to accept at face value because like... again, it's hearsay, and how do you prove that? how do you back that shit up as if it means anything? nobody walks around identifying themselves in bloodline fractions & genealogical histories with everyone they speak to. the fact is, for normal people, even just not answering a question bc it's not relevant, not their business, or they just don't feel like getting into it is like... a normal response to reality.

and ultimately, "I heard her say this one time" vs "this directly contradicts you in writing, almost 20 years before you felt like getting online to say so" is not a strong argument.

and if we're gonna get petty, which we are. shauna baker said in that thread that she accepted jones' casting in twilight because the casting directors were looking for someone tall. for context... shauna & shannon baker are about 5'3" to 5'4". one of their besties, q'orianka kilcher, who was considered a frontrunner for the leah clearwater role, is about the same size.

just throwing it out there lol.

and as a bonus, people tend to use actors taking any role outside their race (or their "claimed" race) as evidence they're lying, when it is in fact just a reality for most actors of color. if anyone's going to say "shauna baker was right about julia jones bc jones played a doctor named 'kaya montoya' on ER in 2008" (when there's also native people with spanish names, but ok), they gotta answer for why the bakers' diné asses were playing 'honduran girls' on smallville in '06. you do not get it both ways.

on top of that, most people's arguments for "pretendians" is that they are in some way turning a profit off of their assumed native identity vs the less lucrative options available to them within their own communities.

per her imdb, julia jones has been doing independent native films since '03. besides the twilight films, which were bit parts, jones didn't get more than 4 episodes of work in any tv show until 2019; her next widely distributed film was ridiculous 6, then wind river and cold pursuit, all in supporting roles & never with top billing. and of the 29 titles in her imdb, one is still in progress, but about 8 were filmed & never released (short films but also independent full length pictures).

I see gil birmingham all the goddamn time between tv & movie projects constantly playing someone's Native Dad... in comparison, if jones has a "scheme," I guess I'm supposed to believe she spent the better part of 20 years slowly grinding to work her way to the middle of the pack, not even scoring recurring roles or more than 10 minutes of screentime in 2hr long mainstream movies.

I'm also supposed to believe this decision is more profitable and a quicker road to fame than playing biracial or lightskinned black girl roles when no-fucking-body outside of twihards & the native blogosphere know her directly by name, and none of these complaints came forward until after she was cast in twilight to begin with— because despite her credentials & years of working for pennies; despite none of the actors she's worked with ever publicly saying she wasn't native to begin with, including all the people who had a LOT to say about kelsey chow's role in wind river, which jones also starred in; the resentment only kicked into gear the first time with a little bit of werewolf money on the line, and then only again once westworld & disney/lucasfilm came knocking.

she's never said she wasn't black. but a lot of people got a lot of energy to be mad about the fact that she is, while pinning the blame for their own prejudice on gossip from an actress who sounds bitter & short, and business practices they're all just as if not more guilty of themselves.

until or unless someone comes up with some evidence suggesting jones isn't native, blow it out your antiblack ass.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hello! I'm queer and I'm mormon, and I talked to my mother today about it. I came out to her last year but we talked about it a lot today. She said that if I were to marry a girl, I wouldn't be with my family eternally. That I'd be alone. I don't know what to do. I want to be able to marry a girl, but I wouldn't be with her eternally either. What should I do? What are your thoughts on that?

Your mom is correct that this is the Plan of Salvation as the LDS Church teaches it. 

I believe I’m included in God’s Plan, just not in the Church’s version of that plan. 

I said this to Elder Costa when I had lunch with him in Sept 2018. His response was that as a gay man I’m not seen in The Plan as the church understands it, “and yet, here you are.” 

“Yes, here I am, and God must love LGBT people because He keeps making more of us.” 

I’ve had special experiences where I’m told I’m loved and not broken, those things do not fit with me being excluded. 

Perhaps you’ll have similar experiences and come to a similar conclusion. Perhaps you won’t. 

None of us knows what life after death is really like. You have to do the best in this life as you best understand. I like a recent tweet by Elder Holland, “Don’t wait to live. This isn’t a rehearsal; this isn’t a dry run; this isn’t a pre-performance routine. This is it. This is real life. Don’t wait. Savor every minute.“

Humans crave to love and be loved, to have companionship, we have a god-given sex drive (this is not meant to dismiss my aro/ace friends, I’m speaking in generalities). How cruel it would be if some of us were given these things and told it’s not for us, to entirely shut down this fundamental part of who we are if we want to be happy in the afterlife. Be miserable now for a shot at happiness later, everyone else is offered a win/win proposition of find happiness here and it will carry over to the other side. 

————————————————————

I want you to know my mom and I don’t generally have direct conversations about me being gay, and when we do, they are similar to the one you had. Earlier this year I spoke about wanting to eventually marry a man, and that means probably leaving the church. She hung her head, shook it slightly back and forth while quietly saying “no, no, no, no, no.” She saw me as saying I want to mess up her eternal family. There’s no win/win scenario for me, so I have to choose what a successful life looks like to me. 

Best of luck to you. It’s not an easy path but it is a meaningful one. 

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Earlier this year I got a rather excellent email notifying me that I'd been selected to show EXO ONE in EGX Rezzed's Leftfield collection, a curated selection of indie games. I had set my expectations and hopes for Rezzed to go something like this:

Have some fun at the event

Meet some cool new people

Hopefully appear in at least 1 or 2 articles

See old friends and family

All of those things happened + more!

Day 0

The day before Rezzed, things started off super rocky. As I arrived to set up and test the game, it was rendering with a pure black sky. I had backup builds, but this appeared to be more a bug or incompatibility with a graphics card. Luckily, I checked the build logs and pasted the error line into Google and one other person reported the same issue, solved by downloading the 2010 Direct X SDK.

The phew'ing was deafening. Almost paid $1500 for a ticket to Rezzed to look at some other people's games!

Hard to know if I should have brought the entire project over somehow, incase this was a problem I needed to fix in Unity, then rebuild. I'd of had to fix it on the PC that was running the game (remember I flew to London from Australia), download Unity, etc, then only have a few hours to get it working before the show. Hard to know if I should have brought the entire project over somehow, incase this was a problem I needed to fix in Unity, then rebuild. It'd be awkward to fix it on the PC that was running the game (remember I flew to London from Australia), download Unity, etc, then only have a few hours to get it working before the show.

I put my poster up, chatted with a few people from Leftfield and grabbed food with Jai from FINIFUGU. Here's the poster at my station, drawn by Tim McBurnie:

Day 1

Used my London coffee app to find ONLY THE BEST coffee, in this case, the closest was LMNH Kitchen (look mum no hands). Truly an important step that cannot be overlooked!

Bumped into Andreas of Promoter app fame, who thought I was the event organizer, David Hayward (this seemed to happen to numerous, different people throughout the event, which was odd). Andreas was also showing his game, Future Unfolding.  I had some really amazing moments after playing it for just 10 minutes. His description goes like, "Future Unfolding is an action adventure that is all about exploration. Your goal is to unfold the mysteries and solve the puzzles hidden in the beautiful landscapes around you. There are no tutorials, and no one is telling you what to do." I definitely advise not to look at trailers or anything before playing.

We had breakfast/coffee here on all three days and I really enjoyed chatting game dev, promoter app/biz stuff and events in general. It was nice to start each day at Rezzed with such great food, coffee and company! Andreas is a real dude, and his app looks quite good too, I'll probably try it on the lead up to EXO ONE's release.

This was just one of many real-dude encounters I had during the show. I'm not sure what it was about all the people in Leftfield, but I seemed to get along really well with everyone. In particular, since they shared my wall/opposite wall, I got to chat a lot with Jai, the guys from Alpixels (A Place for the Unwilling) , Joe from Four Last Things, Richard Boeser from Chalo Chalo , the PjamaLlamians who are making Flotsam, and the girls from Oniri Islands. Some of these peeps I felt an instant connection with, and it makes me kinda sad they're now on the opposite side of the world.

This first day was kinda quiet, and there was occasionally some down time, but it was nice to be able to ease into things. I had one press meeting that went well and resulted in me appearing in this:

Honoured that EXO ONE is part of @eurogamer's "eight of the best games" from @EGX Rezzed! https://t.co/mWZ0QrtLKJ #indiedev #egxrezzed

— Jay Weston (@JayWeston) April 2, 2017

After the first day I went and met an old Londonian friend for drinks, but I was so dead from not taking a break all day that I had to return to home base and eat, immediately followed by sleep. Didn't seem to get much in the way of jet lag, luckily.

Day 2

This was a little busier than Day 1, got lots of good feedback, ideas, etc, all of which I wrote down during the day. Had another press meet up today which resulted in EXO ONE being included in this article, which painted the game in quite a glowing light!

All the reasons I loved Rezzed 2017: https://t.co/RFPJ6epsTw http://pic.twitter.com/PKp2mJK3nm

— Waypoint (@waypoint) April 3, 2017

Then this happened:

This is the Outside Xtra trio who came and hooked up their gear to do a bit of an impromptu Let's Play of the game. The video isn't out yet (and there was some sound technical issues) but I can't wait to see it. Outside Xtra have quite a fan following, and during a 'meet' event at Rezzed I heard they had a line that stretched half of the building. After the day was over, there was the The Rock Paper Shotgun drinks night, and a bunch of the Leftfieldians went out for dinner beforehand, which was at an old pub overlooking the Thames. Then I met and hung out with another old friend from when I used to live in London, who introduced me to some cool people.

I didn't do much in the way of networking with press, though.  I couldn't shake the feeling that I'm trying to befriend them partly to improve my chances of them writing about my game. Maybe a missed opportunity, I dunno. I seemed to do fine regardless.

Day 3

This was the busiest day, and I'd often be standing a couple rows deep behind my game. I'm still told Rezzed is a pretty quiet event in the scheme of things. Again, nice to just ease into my first big event instead of DIVE in the deep end. Met up with and hung out with a couple more friends and contacts on this day as well. Despite the larger numbers of people, I possibly talked to players less because I was just pushed back (or wanted to get out the way so others could watch). So it wasn't manic or anything.

Had dinner after with some Leftfielders again then I was convinced to attend the after party, which was good fun with yet more games in every room. Checked out some of the retro games and played a bit of Joe Bain's new game, Yucatan, which was super madness fun! There was some crowd based game in another room I think, but didn't get to see it!

Press

I think my press strategy was pretty 'normal'. I suppose I often thought I needed to be doing some secret tricks or 'know people' or something special to really get noticed and stand out, etc. But now that the event is over and I got basically the best response I could have ever hoped for, I guess the basics worked pretty well. Before the event, I made the following Rezzed trailer that I pinned to my Twitter, saying I'd be at Rezzed, along with my email address (no it wasn't even spammed):

[embedded content]

I emailed around 20 writers/game sites/YouTubers with somewhat personalized emails (more so if I knew more about them) saying essentially, "come play EXO ONE at Rezzed Leftfield", and included the above, very short video. Got 2 solid meeting times, maybe 2-3 "I'll come over at some point, whenevzies" and a bunch of ignores. Some ignores ended up turning up regardless, but I don't know whether that was from my email or just because they happened to be in Leftfield.

I talked to a handful of other developers in Leftfield about their press outreach efforts, and most did nothing at all, so if that was common within Leftfield or Rezzed in general, then contacting the press potentially puts you a step ahead just by pressing send. I ordered 3 t-shirts online which I could have spent too much time on, but ended up just using my EXO ONE logo on the front and back, with "developer" written on the back, so if anyone was looking to chat with the developer, they could easily spot me.

Press Stealth Abilities

Something I noticed about press at the event was that almost all of them (unless I'd set up a meeting) liked to fly in under the radar and play without me spotting/recognizing them. That worked for a few people who I saw write/tweet about the game afterward, but otherwise, if I recognized someone I just said so. Otherwise, I'd risk being weird (sorry, person I was totally weird to!). I imagine this is done so the developer doesn't bug them too much or affect their play experience any more than it should. Generally, I just said something like, "the tutorial is kinda bad right now, so if you need any help lemme know", then I left them to it.

I definitely felt that fan-boy factor a little with some people I met, but I had some great chats with press, gamers and devs alike. For the most part, with press, they'd come play the game, ask between 0 and a dozen questions then take off pretty quickly. Wasn't overly hard, and while I practiced a bunch of practice answers to questions, many never came up. After the event, I wrote and thanked anyone who wrote about EXO ONE, if I had their email address/Twitter.

Tweets 'n Articles

Here's most of the press/tweets I got during the event and after:

Rezzed people. If you've not seen Exo One, go see Exo One.

— inside number nein (@MikeDiver) March 31, 2017

Today at Rezzed I played alien planet explorer game-in-progress EXO ONE by @JayWeston: https://t.co/rj0Y0B6v9a http://pic.twitter.com/Zm5E6fFRZz

— Electron Dance (@ElectronDance) March 30, 2017

EXO ONEis awesome! Super chill and mysterious. One of the best at #EGXRezzed https://t.co/5fJ1DI0QH4 via @JayWeston

— Gliphyx (@gliphyx) April 1, 2017

The Leftfield Collection is always a treat at #Rezzed, and I’d really recommend seeing Exo One - bit of a stunner: http://pic.twitter.com/Gq79cwklC8

— Matthew Reynolds (@Crazyreyn) April 1, 2017

Exo One: This feels SO great to play, nails that feeling of speed and momentum. https://t.co/pg5vcWFxmz http://pic.twitter.com/4voCNiqhvm

— Terry (@terrycavanagh) April 1, 2017

Damn it, I didn't meet Terry! Terry is one of these darned people who don't use a photo on their Twitter profile, I didn't recognise him! I do recall seeing he was showing his game before flying over, but slipped my mind once I was there. I may have met him or Ruari as I recall one of the State Machine (his game) devs chatting to me. Tried to go play before open one day but someone was on it. Huge fan of Super Hexagon, so would have liked to have gone and been a weird fanboy/say hi briefly :P

Exo One was so much fun! - https://t.co/oPjlGeaBgZ http://pic.twitter.com/6iKFi1G8eY

— Rock Paper Shotgun (@rockpapershot) April 3, 2017

Rezzed 2017: the 12 most interesting games on show at the festival https://t.co/v1AAPLWtJa

— The Guardian (@guardian) April 3, 2017

We hit up #EGXRezzed and things got really trippy... https://t.co/RjRSJ6djr0 ft. @alightinchorus @PolyphoniaVR @exoone @JayWeston http://pic.twitter.com/bZ4oM1i6BT

— Laced Records (@Laced_Records) April 5, 2017

Not bad!

Biz Cards

Ordered about 500 and used a quarter of them, mostly taken by gamers. I put a screenshot on the front and some words (game name, my name, contact details) on the back.

Newsletter

One small error perhaps I could have improved would have been some way to sign people up to the newsletter at the event. The Flotsam guys had some kinda small iPad with a sign-up form on it, others went for the handwritten method. I guess the handwritten way stands out as being a mailing list quite obviously due to the email addresses on it, while the iPad kinda requires prompting ("hey you, sign up for our newsletter?").

I'm not sure how many people went home then signed up for the EXO ONE mailing list, but over the entire event I added about 80 people to my list. Really don't know if this is "good" or not.

Resources I Used

I'm a big fan of both Thomas Reisenegger's games PR/Marketing videos on GDCVault, and Indie Game Girl, who did a specific games event article/slide show. 

[embedded content]

Maybe just search for Thomas on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=thomas+reisenegger

Emmy's site is http://ift.tt/WoIuHR

General Help

Before the event, I asked everyone I knew for advice, including some people I didn't know. This resulted in a couple of meetings that might not have otherwise happened, various tips/tricks for events, who to look out for (I hadn't heard of OutsideXtra for example), introductions to press, how to keep my expectations realistic for a single, small-ish event and more.

What did I learn about EXO ONE?

The biggest stand out problem with the game was the first tutorial level, which is going to be getting some major love and redesigning soon. The camera I'm using hates the kinds of movement you can do in the starting level, and I throw a bunch of controls at the player and pray they remember (they never do). So this resulted in many players not 'getting' the game as they were missing pieces of the puzzle. Most people that I helped out ended up getting the hang of it, and luckily all press did too.

I got mixed feedback on the story, but I'd say fairly overwhelmingly in favor of keeping the story as-is, but also some very convincing "you should make it less literal" arguments. Also received a handful of comments that there were too many controls. Mentioned this to some other Leftfielders and of course heard the opposite, "I had no problem with the controls". Simpler is definitely better, but I feel like I might be able to remove at least one control combo (like holding two things to glide up for example). Thankfully most of the feedback hit exactly the mark I was going for, with comments like:

That was super relaxing

It was mesmerizing

The sense of speed and feeling you get when you reach the clouds is amazing

I could just watch it all day

Like the Adelaide games event before (AVCON), people sat to play and didn't want to get off. I should have forced an end timer on the demo as people had to wait ages to play in some cases. I was lucky the musician, Rhys, told me to shorten the first level, since even after doing so, people sometimes asked me if they could ever reach the transport structures in the distance. A classic example of the game developer being too good (fast) at their own game.

Quick Notes on Other Games

Since this post is getting long... Quick bullets on other games (I mentioned Future Unfolding above) that were near me and I played in Leftfield.

Oniri Islands

Great multiplayer iPad game that uses physical chess-like pieces (cute little figures) to move characters around on screen. Great for playing with kids.

Flotsam

While seeming pretty early days, I'm super pumped to see where this 'floating base builder' goes.

Four Last Things

Very charming, funny writing and simple point n click adventure, using classical/famous artworks.

A Place for the Unwilling

Intriguing 'mini-society' and village full of characters whom you interact with and have influence over/effects on during 'end times'. Great spooky vibes!

Chalo Chalo

Super fun party multiplayer game that isn't instantly recognizable as being hilarious fun, but totally is!

Everything

Those rolling quadrupeds... I saw some really, really weird stuff happen in this game during the event! I jumped on for 2 minutes, but think I need to have a proper go and hear the narration/music to really get into it.

Special Thanks

...to David Hayward for organizing the event, it went off without a hitch! And thanks to SEGA for sponsoring Leftfield. It really was an amazing event, surrounded by awesome people and great games! With any luck, I'll bump into some of my new friends again at another games event... *sniff*!

Edge

I've left the best till last! I'm wildly excited to announce that next month (May) EXO ONE is getting a 2-page preview in Edge magazine! So pumped! I'm not a huge games magazine reader, but whenever I do pick one up, it's always Edge!

Next - Kickstarter

I've increasingly gone from 'maybe doing a Kickstarter' to 'probably doing one' to 'doing one' to 'most likely doing one in May'. It takes time to build up the courage, you see. I'm going to get some advice on exact dates, but that's my current thoughts. I'll be announcing an exact date soon, so if this is something you're interested in, you can sign up to my newsletter below: