#save me siren 2018

[urfavsc0rpi0]

for the love of god, can somebody please give me a recent piece of mermaid media that's not exclusively made for children or about pseudo-'mermaids' that tend to range between humans that can breathe underwater or the creature from the black lagoon

[someghostwriter]

VOICE

shoto todoroki x fem idol!reader

tags: slowburn, singer!reader, pre-ua for a bit, angst, pining, complex family dynamics

a/n: i havent written todoroki before, actually ive only ever written bakugo but that was in 2018 so this may not be good!! Im bad at writing, but i feel like im slowly getting better! please let me know if you want more of this!!

prolouge // 1

PROLOUGE

You wish you could have become a hero. Instead, here you were, stuck in a different career path: to become a teen idol.

When your family found out your quirk had no real potential to be a hero, they chose to turn you into a star. Your quirk allowed your voice to hypnotize. Not to an insanely high degree, it just made anyone who heard your voice obsessed with it- You called it Voice, to make things simple. It came from your mom's siren quirk- one she used to become a hero. Your dad's quirk was to make people crazy, so that's probably where you got the obsessive part of your voice.

It didn't mean much. It just meant that since you were young, your parents forced you to take many voice lessons. To teach you how to sing, even if your quirk was activated constantly with no off switch. Just to make sure that one day, when you became a star, there would be no way that people wouldn't love you. 

You were 15, sitting on a park bench, realizing that your dream of being a hero would never come true. That your only realistic option was to be a star.

You waited there. as if someone was to come along, give you a better quirk, and tell you that you could be a hero. Someone to scoop you up and free you, not from being an idol, from being disappointed that you would never be able to save someone's life. not directly.

Tears welled up, and you were quick to look at the sky. You couldn't ruin your makeup, no way, your father would get on you for it. That you need to keep appearances proper and fresh. They loved you, that you knew. But they couldn't help but be harsh on you sometimes, to the point that it hurt your hopes. Especially with the idea of becoming a hero.

They were so quick to say that you'd never be a hero, why?

You sighed, knowing that this second-best option wasn't horrible. No, it was pretty awesome. You loved singing, and you knew you enjoyed your performances. But you could never get over your first dream. Someday you'd adjust to singing, and you'd be famous. You were sure of it.

Opening your phone camera to check and see that there was no makeup running down your face, you stood and began walking towards the studio that you were expected to be at soon. It might have been the middle of summer, but now that you got taken out of school to focus on becoming a teen idol, you were busy- a lot. The 15 minutes you sat in that park, debating your life choices was probably the most free time you had. The rest of it was spent recording songs and doing things with the public to increase your following. You were slowly but steadily gaining more followers and listeners since your first performance, which you hyped up a lot.

Your end goal was to become #1, which was going to be a challenge knowing that you were aiming that before high school even started you'd be high-ranked as an artist, but you didn't mind too much. It was ambitious, sure, but you had confidence in your voice. Even if it meant wearing outfits that you had no real opinion on but it wasn't your vibe. Even if it meant singing on a stage with eyes on you, so many eyes watching your every move. You could make enough money to have a stable life, you hoped. You hoped that you would have the break through every artist had.

if you didn't embarrass yourself first.

You sighed, picking up the pace to your studio, hoping that you wouldn't end up being late again. It was just around the corner, sure, but you knew there was a lot of leg traffic in this specific area. It made everything a lot harder, especially if one person ended up recognizing you. While good for publicity, it was awkward to be confronted- something you were yet to get use to.

Except, running into some guy in the less crowded area wasn't on your bucket list. You were too in your own world to see the guy in front of you, on the wrong side of the pathway and staring at the ground, and ran right into him. Embarrassing. You immediately backed up, spilling apologies that probably made zero sense with how quickly you were saying it. You looked at the boy in front of you, spurring one last apology before you realized how pretty this boy was.

Half red, half white hair. It wasn't a combo you usually saw, but you were curious about the idea of what quirk it might be related to, as it wasn't very normal to have dual-colored hair. Or maybe he dyed his hair. He was staring at you, too, but with more of a worried yet cold expression. It was intimidating, how pretty yet stone-cold he was. 

"Uh, hello?" 

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you realized you were staring for a little bit too long. Where did the time go? No idea. You sputtered more apologies, awkwardly fidgeting with your hands as you did.

"It's- I'm sorry I ran into you. Are you hurt?" He spoke with some kind of sincerity, but a lot more confusion than anything. Were you speaking that fast? You chuckled, fidgeting with your outfit a little.

"I'm okay, just caught off guard. Sorry, I didn't mean to run into you." You bowed your head a little, just to show that you were sorry. You looked back at the boy, swaying side to side, awkward silence ensuing, only showing the awkwardness between you two.

"Um, I need to go, but uh, nice meeting you?? Have a good day!" You spoke quickly, ducking around him and moving forward, leaving the boy confused in the middle of the walkway. That was embarrassing. You continued towards your studio, finally making it inside. You ushered yourself towards the lady at the front desk, checking yourself in before moving towards the back where the recording studio that you and your father were renting out for you.

Opening the door, you readied yourself for the sting of your father scolding you for being late- and the performance of the song you recently wrote. 

[marclef]

hello there.

today's post is a very special one. and, despite this being the Official Funny Heeheehaha Day, this post is only SEMI-jokey. but i have put it underneath a readmore anyways, as it is both pretty long and to save the eyes of anyone who couldn't care less. thank you.

and now, without further ado:

Why I Believe a Goddamn Hatsune Miku Mod for Sonic Mania Helped Inspire The Noise (that fucker from Pizza Tower).

so. let's begin.

the year is 2018. about a year after the release of Sonic Mania, Sega's love letter to classic Sonic fans, one very special mod for this game emerges from the depths.

this is Sonic Mania & Hatsune Miku, a mod which does.... probably exactly what you're imagining. but it's a surprisingly deep and well-crafted mod, changing the games titular character into our beloved Vocaloid singer while also changing sprites around and generally turning the mod into an anime/meme-filled mess. but, that's not the main reason we're here.

this is the mod's answer to Stardust Speedway, a classic Sonic zone from Sonic CD.

most of Act 1 is fairly standard affair, some light references to other stuff hidden throughout the backgrounds, and a couple suspiciously Domino's Pizza-themed sprite edits here and there. but, come Act 2, the references sudden creep in more and more. ..... as well as, a suspiciously familiar face.

those who know about Hatsune Miku and Domino's might be getting where this is about to go.

now, for standard Sonic Mania fare, the main boss of this zone's Act 2 is Metal Sonic, fittingly guarding the very zone he was battled in from Sonic CD. but of course, this is our beloved Hatsune Miku mod. we can't have that.

instead, we have Him.

Domino's beloved (?) mascot of the 1980's, The Noid himself. now, probably seems like a random reference, unless you remember the Hatsune Miku collaboration that Domino's did years ago. but i'm not here to argue about Domino's mascots. i'm here, to spread the truth.

now, the music most associated with Metal Sonic, the boss replaced here, is Stardust Speedway Act 2's theme, specifically the Japanese Bad Future version, given here for reference.

we're getting back to Pizza Tower i swear.

but anyways, the very opening bits of this song, specifically the siren-like sounds. might sound a bit familiar to avid Pizza Tower fans now, doesn't it?

take a good listen to the opening of The Noise's battle theme, Pumpin' Hot Stuff.

hear those same sounds?

now, it might just be coincidence. perhaps i'm simply assuming that, given Peppino and Noise's rivalry, a simple little reference to Sonic was put in here to hammer that point in. there's no way this little Hatsune Miku-themes mod could've had any impact on that!

UNTIL!!!

some of you may know, that in a 2019 interview with McPig, creator of Pizza Tower, the man himself dropped a crucial piece of info that ties my entire theory together:

.... Hatsune Miku bootleg, you say? and, given that the mod for Sonic Mania came out in 2018, it certainly could've been an inspiration, given that Snick exists as well...

so perhaps, my little theory here is a bit-farfetched. maybe, i'm just overblowing things a bit just because that's the way my brain is. but i implore you, fellow Pizza fans, to hear me out here.

Thank Hatsune Miku today for giving us this disgusting little man here.

(artwork courtesy of my friend @abbyroseflame24)

thank you.

[freeuselandonorris]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

tysm for the tag @glasscushion !!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

32 currently!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

241,146 since 2018 which is absolutely wild to me, particularly as i have about another 30k waiting in the wings. three novels’ worth. WILD.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

largely motorsports (formula 1 and formula e) although i do occasionally dip a toe into other fandoms. largely RPF, i’m generally not that interested in writing non-RPF although i do read it sometimes.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

there was always warmth between us (maxiel)

lol, my magnum opus. the stats on this one still blow my mind (almost 1400 kudos at time of writing). sometimes people tell me it’s a comfort fic for them which really makes my day. there’s a lot about this fic i would change if i wrote it again now (the dialogue especially) but there you go, hindsight and all that.

nobody knows the trouble i’ve been (or the exacting improvement of sin) (maxiel)

i think this was the first vaguely kinky fic i posted on AO3? spanking and behaviour correction from the days when max and dan were starting to want to kill each other and it was spilling over on-track. definitely blessed dan with way too much emotional intelligence compared to real life but hey, i can do what i like with my paper dollies.

as if death itself was undone (maxiel)

undernegotiated breathplay porn my beloved! this remains one of my favourite fics i’ve ever written (although the paragraphs are way too long). i’m a real sucker for the trope of people discovering kinks they didn’t know they had and immediately acting on them — v bad idea in real life, v hot in fiction.

a siren on the rocks calling you into the deep (girl!landoscar)

so funny to me that the lunatic squirting rule 63 porn i posted less than a fortnight ago is in my top 4 already, landoscar fans you are all freaks and i love you for it. this is absolute filth, my first rule 63 and contains a lot of bodily fluids, my favourite thing.

unfucktheworld (maxiel)

i was very surprised to see this in my top 5 but honestly i think it’s only there because it’s my oldest fic so it’s just had time to accrue more kudos? it was my first time writing fic in about 10 years, the characterisation is all over the place, it’s just…not that great i don’t think? but it’s sweet and porny and it’s lovely that people are still digging back through the archives to give it a go, so i’m not complaining.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! i went through a phase last year where i just got very easily overwhelmed by life and gave up on replying for a while (which sucks because i received some of my favourite ever comments during that period, so if i ever didn’t reply to your comment please know that i DID read and treasure it, i am just very bad at carrying out simple tasks sometimes). i tend to save them up and reply in batches, which is probably why i get overwhelmed 🫠

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

idk if i’ve written any with an outright angsty ending tbh! i am a sucker for a happy ending, or at least an ambiguous one. also frankly a lot of my fics are just porn and don’t really have endings per se lmao.

i guess my weird toto/christian all the blood runs hot before it’s cold has a not-happy ending in the sense that it’s clear that they doomed to repeat unhealthy behaviour with each other (to be explored in the sequel i nearly have completed once i get free of the landoscar brain rot) but it’s not angsty, really, because christian’s too far in denial to be angsty about it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think there was always warmth between us, being a slowburn friends to lovers that ends with a declaration of love, probably takes that crown!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not so far, fingers crossed it remains that way! i do remember being very nervous before i posted my first hardkink fic (the watersports fic eight of swords (reversed)) and feeling like i would be driven from the fandom with pitchforks, but thankfully that did not come to pass.

i do quite often receive comments that are just sort of…baffled? because i have a tendency to write extremely sexually explicit fics that are deliberately not actually that sexy. i like writing about the weirdness and grossness of sex, i like weird kinks and psychosexual oddness, i like unbalanced power dynamics and i like it when sex scenes aren’t all soft focus and simultaneous orgasms. so i think sometimes people go in to my fics expecting one thing and coming out with something else, but the comments are always very polite! also i think i have accidentally awakened something in quite a few readers but i consider that a public service.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

looool. do i. as above — i write a LOT of smut and it is usually far too detailed, generally very informed by kink and power dynamics, and unnecessarily verbose. i’m a huge fan of the writing of JG Ballard who wrote the most clinical, bizarre sex scenes that make you horny and disturbed in equal measure, and that’s what i strive towards in most of my fics.

even the ones that are actually incredibly sweet and romantic (to me anyway!) like just found me a brand new box of matches (landoscar foot fetish gremlin weirdness) or playboy in the grotto (landoscar piss fetish gremlin weirdness) are still not sexy in a sanitised way, they’re about love and connection being found through cherishing and honouring the weird and gross and unconventional parts of each other. this is a political standpoint for me as much as anything else, not to get overwrought about it — my queerness is as expressed through my love for the unsanitary and unsavoury and taboo as much as it is my love of people of different genders, and i want to reflect that in my fic.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t! i don’t tend to read them, either. maybe this is just a side effect of my preference for RPF but i just don’t find the concept all that interesting or appealing. i’m also not that much of a fan of AUs in general (rule 63 excepted), although i will make exceptions if they’re well-written and i like the concept enough.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeah someone reposted there was always warmth between us on wattpad a year or so ago and had to do the copyright strike thing. i felt very famous.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don’t believe so! if anyone wants to translate any of my fics, please feel free to ask.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not officially! i think i am too much of a control freak for that tbh. but i have written a lot of fics that have been hashed out in forensic detail with @lost-decade and/or @scenetocause and so they probably should be given co-creator credits for half my fics.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

oooooh this is a hard one yknow. I tend to love a ship very intensely for a few months and then lose interest. i guess max/daniel is the one i have liked for the longest time, although i don’t really read it much anymore because i…frankly don’t really like either of them irl all that much anymore? lmao. but yeah it’s probably them! i will also always have a soft spot for jeandre.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

honestly my jeandre opus a universe hesitant to grant us grace is not technically finished, i just left it where it was due to real life events impinging on it at the time. it’s a shame because i did love what i was doing with that fic but i can’t revisit it because it’s too wrapped up in other stuff.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i’m good at vibes! good at small details that give an insight into a character or setting, good at seeding ideas and at description. I think i’m fairly decent at writing snappy dialogue too, and people tell me i’m good at writing humour too which i am always quite taken aback by but i will gratefully accept!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

long-winded sentences, not enough verbs/not making the verbs work for me, and too many adjectives. tight plotting (lack thereof). getting a bit too forensic in my sex scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do it occasionally when i’m writing people whose first language isn’t english, but i don’t speak any other languages well enough to be confident in using anything other than the odd word or phrase.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

ah, i’m ageing myself here… It was for placebo, on the fan forum they had hosted on their own website (god bless them, no wonder i’m so chill about the concept of RPF) around 20 years ago when i was 14. i learned a LOT from that forum. placebo are indeed largely to blame for stoking my degenerate tendencies at an impressionable age. good for them. the first fandom i wrote for on AO3 was in 2018 and it was F1.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

aghhh it’s hard to choose but i think it has to be all the blood runs hot before it’s cold, the toto/christian madness. it took me such a long time to write but i feel like i really achieved what i wanted to with it and caught the weird psychosexually unhealthy vibe i was aiming for. i’m also really fond of playboy in the grotto, the landoscar watersports porn. it was my first time writing them and it kicked off an obsession. piss kink is my holy grail kink and i just found this so easy and fun to write, and i think you can tell that i had fun from the writing.

WHEW. well done if you read all this. i think probably most people have already filled this in but if you have not and you would like to i am tagging @lost-decade @scenetocause @zeraparker @boxboxlewis @flawlessassholes @beechersnope

(edited to fix many typos)

[televinita]

Books Read in 2023: The Why

That's right, just because it's much closer to 2025 than 2023 doesn't mean I can't still pull out this out! Mostly because I found in my Tumblr drafts that I had already done the work of putting the cover collages together, and what am I gonna do, waste that?

ANYWAY, BOILERPLATE EXPLANATION TIME: In a tradition I accidentally started for myself in 2016, at the end of the year I look back at my reading list and answer the question, why did you read this particular book? Books are arranged in chronological order of read date (unless it made more sense to put series books together), split into groups by target readership age, plus nonfiction at the end. As best I can tell, anyway; choosing between YA & middle grade for older books is often a trip. I'll toss in "how I heard of it" if I can still remember...

ADULT FICTION

(split into two parts because there are a lot)

Run Rose Run - Dolly Parton & James Patterson. 2022.

Half the promise of a companion album, half just because “girl runs away to become a country star” sounds like the only-slightly-older version of my beloved Somebody Everybody Listens To.

How I heard of it: a book blog

Treasure State - C.J. Box. 2022.

Read & enjoyed the whole Cassie DeWell series so far (this is #6).

The Pink House - Louise Platt Hauck. 1933. Family Matters - Louise Platt Hauck. 1934.

See this post.

These Silent Woods - Kimi Cunningham-Graham. 2021.

Recommended by a Goodreads friend + father-daughter bonds* + self-sufficient life off the grid. (*the PLAN was to picture Owen + Maisie but then this gifset from Big Sky happened)

The Siren of Sussex - Mimi Matthews. 2022.

The Belle of Belgrave Square - Mimi Matthews. 2022.

Don't know what Past Me was doing with the collage order here, but I read Belle first -- originally checked out because beautiful cover + horses + Beauty and the Beast retelling for the latter. But on this particular day? I started with the second one because I was on day 2 of my Tom Hiddleston Spiral and omg look who just so happens to have a romance on deck featuring a British love interest.

And then I cycled back to the first book, now even more enthusiastic about my plan to cast Dev Patel as the love interest.

How I heard of it: book blogs

The Santa Suit - Mary Kay Andrews. 2021.

Picked it up for the cute cover, and then the first page was so much like the start of Arnie and a House Full of Company (woman driving up with her pets to a beautiful but decidedly overgrown/neglected old house she’s about to move into) that I got immediately sucked in.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Twenty-One Truths About Love - Matthew Green. 2019.

List format, bookstore owner, and mainly: it’s so flippin’ rare to find books about married couples in love whose only conflict is external, let alone such books from the man’s perspective.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Bookshop of Secrets - Mollie Rushmeyer. 2022.

Beautiful cover + MN setting + antiquarian bookshop + hunting for a lost local treasure??

How I heard of it: can't remember :[

A Different Blue - Amy Harmon. 2013.

A mostly-age-appropriate student/teacher romance which I have saved for a billion years to get the casting right, only to throw that plan to the wind when I decided I could use Hiddleston for this too (plan quickly abandoned as he does not fit at all beyond sharing a nationality)

How I heard of it: Goodreads, a full decade ago

This Bird Has Flown - Susanna Hoffs. 2023.

I MAY have been googling keywords trying to find a novel that reminded me of Hiddleswift, and instead I got a way better option for casting him in (this one worked beautifully).

The Escape - Lisa Harris. 2020.

Bought cheap at a book sale because thriller (marshalls hunting an escaped fugitive) in the woods/mountains!

A Thing of Beauty - Lisa Samson. 2018.

Thought it would be a romance plus an element of cleaning out a hoarder’s house. "Former child star" sounded cool too.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Love For Beginners - Jill Shalvis. 2021.

Bought cheap because beautiful cover + a summery romance including dogs.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Bellman & Black - Diane Setterfield. 2013.

Jack Davenport narrates the audiobook and literally no other reasons.

How I heard of it: Libby (the app)

Smothered - Autumn Chiklis. 2018.

It me! (I’ve never seen another book about a college grad who immediately moves back home with her parents and struggles to find a job.)

How I heard of it: Dollar store

Doctor Who: Autonomy - Daniel Blythe. 2009.

Tie-in novels featuring Ten are always quick/fun/easy fare, and this one is set in a mall (!), but mostly, the audiobook is narrated by Georgia Tennant.

How I heard of it: Libby

Something Wilder - Christina Lauren. 2022.

A romance featuring an overnight trip on horseback AND searching for treasure?? Sold.

How I heard of it: Book blogs or YouTube

Famous For a Living - Melissa Ferguson. 2023.

A romance featuring an Instagram Influencer detoxing (fleeing the backlash of a scandal) via a job in a National Park? Sign me all the way up.

How I heard of it: Once Upon a Book Club

Dr. Laurie's Conquest - Berta LaVan Barker. 1980.

Bought cheap because romance about a vet, w/ specific mention of a horse. Read now for the Mount TBR challenge because it’s short.

How I heard of it: Goodwill

Something Wild & Wonderful - Anita Kelly. 2023.

Pacific Crest Trail = hiking inspiration! (and a side of romance never hurts)

How I heard of it: a book blog

Tin Camp Road - Ellen Airgood. 2021.

Loved her middle grade novels and wanted more of her writing; this plot looked more exciting than her adult debut.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

The Grim Reader - Kate Carlisle. 2020.

Cute cover, and cozy mysteries make great audiobooks, especially when book-centric.

How I heard of it: Goodwill

Lady Sunshine - Amy Mason Doan. 2021.

Beautiful cover, I loved her debut, 70s music scene in one timeline, and inheriting an estate in the other? Sold.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Small Room - May Sarton. 1961.

Small, compact size + an intriguing setting and premise perfect for the fall season (young English instructor’s first teaching job at a New England liberal arts college; the publication date added to the intrigue).

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Study of Animal Languages - Lindsay Stern. 2019.

It is not very often you find novels about two college professors married to each other. Also, the title topic intrigued me.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Two Rogues Make a Right - Cat Sebastian. 2020.

Good Omens Season 2 briefly awoke the slash urge in me, and then this happened. Reviews calling this an indulgent, plotless pile of hurt/comfort fluff (positive) sealed the deal.

How I heard of it: Reddit

Home Before Dark - Riley Sager. 2020.

Hype convinced me to try one of his books; a woman restoring a supposedly haunted house definitely looked like the best one.

How I heard of it: book blogs, originally, I think

Lock Every Door - Riley Sager. 2019.

The House Across The Lake - Riley Sager. 2022.

I LOVED the above and immediately wanted more, and since the waitlist for his new one was too long I went for the next-best-sounding ones because they had the coolest settings (and THEN I was finally satiated for a while).

The Paris Apartment - Lucy Foley. 2022.

I had such a good time with Lock Every Door that obviously, it was time for another apartment mystery I’d been vaguely thinking about reading for a while, again due to its cool setting.

How I heard of it: book blogs

The Apartment - S.L. Grey. 2016.

When I searched the above in my library catalog, this title came up in relation. Absolutely I want to read a horror book set in a Paris apartment! (especially as the age difference between the MC and his wife maybe made me think about Michael Sheen & Anna. don’t judge me)

A Paris Apartment - Michelle Gable. 2014.

This ALSO came up in the search results and HELL YEAH I would like to read a novel based on one of the most fascinating news stories I’ve ever heard. (I actually had two options for this, but went with this one first because it seemed more literary; I wasn’t really in the mood for a romance)

Dead To Me - Cath Staincliffe. 2012. Bleed Like Me - Cath Staincliffe. 2013. Ruthless - Cath Staincliffe. 2014.

Catching up the Scott & Bailey TV series, learned they have tie-in novels?? IMMEDIATELY checked the first one out of my library and had such a good time with it that I rounded up the remaining ones ASAP.

How I heard of it: library catalog

The Good Turn - Dervla McTiernan. 2020.

Still in the mood for detective fiction from across the pond so time to finish out this trilogy.

When The Reckoning Comes - LaTanya McQueen. 2021.

This had some good reviews and I was intrigued by the prospect of a horror novel featuring a wedding at a haunted plantation. Maybe a mob of ghostly former slaves bringing a bloodbath? (no. it’s not that graphic. But it’s really good)

How I heard of it: a book blog

Plain Bad Heroines - Emily Danforth. 2020.

Her debut exceeded expectations so I was vaguely curious about this very different book, since she’s only published the two in over a decade, but my interest was solidified when I found an ARC copy with a promotional fake-newspaper insert inside. Wanted context for appreciating that.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

Fair As A Star - Mimi Matthews. 2020.

Watching The Essex Serpent means I’m back on my stan train following a summer break, and what’s that? My new favorite romance author has one featuring a vicar?

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

You Look Something - Jessica Mehta. 2020.

Random library shelf pull because short read, interesting cover and premise (first-in-her-family college student, but written for an adult audience), and immediately intriguing writing style.

A Haunting on the Hill - Elizabeth Hand. 2023.

Cool cover + “officially licensed return to the setting of Shirley Jackson’s novel”?? The setting was the best part of that book so I hoped this would be the actually-scary version of what I wanted that one to be.

How I heard of it: ooh...can't remember if Goodreads, book blog or YouTube

Daughter of No Worlds - Carissa Broadbent. 2020. Children of Fallen Gods - Carissa Broadbent. 2021.

This random tumblr post about a series I'd never heard of before immediately sparked a vague hope to make this Loki/Sylvie-shaped; liked the first book enough to throw myself into the second, though I got burned out and have yet to finish the trilogy.

The Missing Treasures of Amy Ashton - Eleanor Ray. 2021.

“It's easier to love things than people. Things are safe. Things will never leave you.” I've never identified harder with a line from a book summary in my life.

How I heard of it: ...Goodreads? maybe? COME ON SELF this was literally only 10 months ago.

The Minuscule Mansion of Myra Malone - Audrey Burges. 2023.

A (magic) dollhouse and a 30-something reclusive blogger? It me! Add an implied romance with a guy who (somehow) owns the real-life version of the mansion and this sounds tailor-made for me.

How I heard of it: BookOutlet

Forgotten Trail - Claire Kells. 2023.

Read & enjoyed the first two in this National Parks mystery series, new November tradition unlocked.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Thornyhold - Mary Stewart. 1988.

Saw a cool illustration in a Readers Digest Condensed and wanted full context because I always love a Cool Mysterious Overgrown Inherited House.

How I heard of it: did I count this as "in another book" or "used book sale" when I made my graphs last year, I wonder.

The Last Ranger - Peter Heller. 2023.

I really like the way he writes both nature and men. (I also may have been fully immersed in my Jensen-Ackles-in-Big-Sky era.)

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

Just Like Magic - Sarah Hogle. 2022.

Loved her previous romance, and though skeptical about this one, I trusted the 5-star rec of a blogger with very similar reading tastes (she was CORRECT).

How I heard of it: a book blog

========

YOUNG ADULT / TEEN

(again broken into two segments because there are a lot)

The Little Woods - McCormick Templeman. 2012.

Bought cheap because pretty cover + boarding school murder mystery

How I heard of it: used-book section of Barnes & Noble

Lawless Spaces - Corey Ann Haydu. 2022.

Mostly the beautiful cover, a little bit the promise of stories from multiple generations of women in one family.

How I heard of it: book blog

Friends Like These - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez. 2022.

Loved her first YA thriller.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

Scattered Showers: Stories - Rainbow Rowell. 2022.

I love her but not all of her writing styles; after waiting One Eternity (9 years) for more contemporary writing from her I did not hesitate.

How I heard of it: book blog

We Walked the Sky - Lisa Fiedler. 2019.

Dual timelines: one teen a circus performer, the other her granddaughter who’s just inherited a Box of Memorabilia?? Two things I adore.

How I heard of it: dollar store

Butterfly Yellow - Thanhhà Lại. 2019.

Mostly intrigued by the working-on-a-ranch aspect.

How I heard of it: book blog

Five Survive - Holly Jackson. 2022.

Liked the whole AGGGTM trilogy, was excited to try a different and more thriller-y flavor from her.

How I heard of it: book blogs or YouTube?

Texas Gothic - Rosemary Clement-Moore. 2011.

A google result while trying to find a lost book for someone, and: Ranch-sitting? Ghosts? Kitchen-witch type magic in an otherwise real-world setting? That beautiful cover? SOLD.

Maybe One Day - Melissa Kantor. 2014.

Cancer novel + best friends have both been reliable staples for me in YA.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Last Secret You'll Ever Keep - Laurie Faria Stolarz. 2021.

Sequel (or really companion novel) to a book that impressed me 2 years ago.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

If You Find Me - Emily Murdoch. 2013.

Intense curiosity about how a girl who'd been hidden away in a trailer in the woods with her little sister by their neglectful mom for almost a decade would cope with a return to society and her bio dad.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Coming Back Alive - Dennis J. Reader. 1981.

70s teens running away to live off the land is one of my favorite tropes.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Final Gambit - Jennifer Lynn Barnes. 2022.

Love this series!

A Wild Thing - Jean Renvoize. 1970.

Another 70s teen running away to live off the land. This time in Scotland!

How I heard of it: lost-book forum on either Reddit or Goodreads

Beloved Monster - Helen Markley Miller. 1968.

18-year-old girl inherits a sprawling mansion? LET’S GO! Especially if it’s also vintage.

How I heard of it: ooh, it's been 5+ years, can't remember. Maybe a Goodreads friend?

The Perfect Place to Die - Bryan Moore. 2019.

Oh I ABSOLUTELY want to read a YA novel set in Chicago’s infamous murder mansion.

How I heard of it: Goodreads (via a staff rec post)

Song of the Shaggy Canary - Phyllis Anderson Wood. 1974.

A slow-burn romance between a divorced teen mom and a 20-year-old recently discharged soldier? Sign me up.

How I heard of it: pretty sure it was one of the Speaking for Ourselves volumes.

Loki: Where Mischief Lies - Mackenzie Lee. 2019.

Step 1: watch the Loki series as a result of your newfound actor stanning + an influential gifset, fall in love with the character and the seemingly-canon ship.

Step 2: immediately google for YA novels with this dynamic.

Step 3: have officially licensed YA fanfic fall straight into your lap.

I Tell A Lie Every So Often - Bruce Clements. 1974.

Found at a book sale, vaguely wanted to read ever since reading an essay about it in Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature.

Losing Gabriel - Lurlene McDaniel. 2016. Somebody's Baby - Lurlene McDaniel. 2017.

Books 3 and 4 in a series I love that the library doesn’t have; I already owned the latter and was glad to be able to continue after buying the third at a book sale.

The Last Exit to Normal - Michael Harmon. 2008.

Got it in a blind bag and thought it would be interesting to read about a teen (in Montana!) coming to terms with his fairly-newly-out gay dad’s relationship. (narrator: it wasn’t)

Camper Girl - Glenn Erick Miller. 2020.

Inherited camper-van + road trip!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Year of the Rat - Clare Furniss. 2014.

Bought cheap because unusual premise in YA (mom dies giving birth to second child) + pretty cover.

How I heard of it: used-book section of Barnes & Noble

You Look Different In Real Life - Jennifer Castle. 2013.

Needed an audiobook, unusual premise for YA (reality/documentary series checking in every 5 years with teens they first filmed in kindergarten).

How I heard of it: Libby

Thief of Happy Endings - Kristen Chandler. 2018.

Love this author, plus horses. Specifically, mustangs!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Summer of Sloane - Erin L. Schneider. 2016.

Pretty cover and just looked like a solid, summery contemporary YA novel.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Lake House - Sarah Beth Durst. 2023.

WHAT IN THE AWESOME SPOOK COVER (also, stuck on an island with an obviously and very unexpectedly abandoned/destroyed summer camp?? Spoooook!)

How I heard of it: YouTube, and I even specifically remember where -- GabbyReads

The Foreseeable Future - Emily Adrian. 2018.

Beautiful cover + unusual post-grad life plans (working as a CNA instead of college) always interest me

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Don’t Slam The Door When You Go - Barbara Corcoran. 1972.

I love this author...and yes, we have yet another round of runaways trying to live off the land. :D But this time in a ghost town!

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

The Last Beautiful Girl - Nina Laurin. 2021.

Beautiful cover + Influencer + creepy historic maybe-haunted house, sold.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Island - Natasha Preston. 2023.

Reliable (if mid) genre author + an empty amusement park setting? also, Influencers being lured to creepy islands for Murder Reasons never gets old.

How I heard of it: YouTube

Mermaid Park - Beth Mayall. 2005.

A google result while looking for a lost book title, idea of a girl training as a “mermaid” swimmer at a theme park sounded intriguing.

Everything Beautiful Is Not Ruined - Danielle Younge-Ullman. 2017.

I’ll read basically anything you have about teens being sent to Wilderness Struggle therapy, so this was on my TBR, but was particularly motivated after reading Paris Hilton's memoir and not being able to (cheaply) get my hands on Sarah Stusek's book.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Body of Christopher Creed - Carol Plum-Ucci. 2000.

Loved her second novel, have been curious about this one due to its acclaim for a while and then I found it at a book sale – read quickly to send it on its way again.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Creep: A Love Story - Lygia Day Penaflor. 2022.

Teen girl rationalizes stalking to enhance the experience of shipping her very-accessible real-life OTP? Sounds like the less-legal, IRL form of what we do every day with our favorite celebrity couples on social media and I was curious to see it play out. A little bit because I also made personal celebrities out of some classmates in school, so I recognize the thrill of seeing them in person, though I did not stalk them.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Silver: Return to Treasure Island - Andrew Motion. 2012.

90% because the audiobook is narrated by David Tennant and for once it’s not part of an obnoxiously silly children’s series. 10% because adventure and treasure-hunting.

How I heard of it: Libby

Game Change - Joseph Monninger. 2017.

I like this author and have a soft spot for high school football (further enhanced by the football-player character on the new Goosebumps series).

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Unfinished Life of Addison Stone - Adele Griffin. 2014.

Mixed media formatting! Such a cool and unusual way to tell a narrative.

How I heard of it: I thiiink, many years ago, I was specifically googling for books with unusual formatting.

Heartwood Box - Ann Aguirre. 2019.

"When Araceli Flores Harper is sent to live with her great-aunt Ottilie in her ramshackle Victorian home--" literally sold. (combined with how it looked like a horror book w/ the possibility of ghosts)

How I heard of it: used book sale

Sunny Song Will Never Be Famous - Suzanne Park. 2021.

Cute cover and title, YouTuber in need of social media detox, FARM IN IOWA SETTING?? Sold.

How I heard of it: library browsing

Nobody Else Can Walk It For You - P.J. Petersen. 1982.

Found on the “free” cart shortly after hearing about it on Goodreads' lost-book forum and thinking it sounded like a cool thriller.

Dream to Me - Megan Paasch. 2023.

Haunting cover similar to my beloved Amelia Unabridged, sisters, inheriting a mildly creepy old house

How I heard of it: library browsing

These Things I've Done - Rebecca Phillips

Bought cheap at the dollar store for the girl-dating-late-best-friend’s-brother aspect (shared grief ftw!). Read now to confirm I could unhaul it.

=========

CHILDREN'S / MIDDLE GRADE

Survival Strategies of the Almost Brave - Jen White. 2015.

Bought cheap at the dollar store because cool cover + sisters fending for themselves when abandoned by dad.

Polo Cowboy - G. Neri. 2021.

Sequel to a surprising hit I read last year.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Diddakoi - Rumer Godden. 1972.

Recommended by a Goodreads friend because horse! + Traveler girl + reliable classic author.

Stella - McCall Hoyle. 2021. Just Gus - McCall Hoyle. 2023.

Dog book! recommended by a Goodreads friend. Loved it so much I read the companion novel ASAP.

Grand National - John R. Tunis. 1973.

Bought cheap at Goodwill because vintage horse book; read now to see if I could get rid of it (yes).

Running Out of Time - Margaret Peterson Haddix. 1995. Falling Out of Time - Margaret Peterson Haddix. 2023.

Reread of a childhood classic in anticipation of the new sequel.

Ten Miles Past Normal - Frances O'Roark Dowell. 2011.

I wanted to read about a girl growing up on a goat farm.

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

Sweet Home Alaska - Carole Etsby Dagg. 2016.

I liked her previous book and was excited to learn about another part of American history that was new to me.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Thornbush Jungle - Rutherford G. Montgomery. 1966.

I will read anything he writes about animals.

How I heard of it: antiquarian bookstore

Maisie Lockwood Adventures no. 2: The Yosemite Six - Tess Sharpe. 2022.

Loved the first book, finally bought the second when I couldn't borrow it from anywhere.

The Eagle's Shadow - Nora Martin. 1997.

Reminded me of my favorite childhood movie, Journey to Spirit Island (at least in terms of setting and a similar culture).

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lila and Hadley - Kody Keplinger. 2020.

Girl + dog story, with a photographic cover (is the only thing that overcame my author grudge).

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Me, The Beef and the Bum - Charles Hammer. 1984.

50% funny title, 50% I love cows

How I heard of it: a book about teen books

Sardines - Sashi Kaufman. 2022.

Pleasantly surprised by her ability to write boys in YA, waited a million years for a third release from her (even if it was middle grade).

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Vandals of Treason House - Nancy Veglahn. 1974.

Vintage book about cleaning up & learning about a historic house? Neato.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/lost book forum

Sire Unknown - Marjorie Reynolds. 1968.

“Read because…” Vintage horse book, next question. (as to why I read it NOW, working on the Mount TBR challenge and randomly pulled this from the shelf)

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Explorer - Katherine Rundell. 2017.

Liked a previous book of hers, always love “crashed and got lost in the jungle” stories.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Gallery - Laura Marx Fitzgerald. 2016.

STUNNING cover + excited to read about a girl working as a maid in a fancy 1920s mansion

How I heard of it: a book blog

NONFICTION

A $500 House in Detroit: Rebuilding an Abandoned Home and an American City - Drew Philp. 2019.

Available audiobook + always interested in old-house renovation.

How I heard of it: Libby

Wildflower - Drew Barrymore. 2015.

A People magazine cover story on her reminded me I had meant to read this, since she’s always been a favorite actress.

How I heard of it: ONTD

The Zoo on the Road to Nablus - Amelia Thomas. 2008.

Bought cheap because beautiful cover + always interested in reading about specific zoos, especially those affected by war in the Middle East.

How I heard of it: used-book section of Barnes & Noble

Gizelle's Bucket List: My Life With a Very Large Dog - Lauren Fern Watt. 2017.

Reminded me of Boomer’s Bucket List, but also I will read most pet memoirs

How I heard of it: Goodreads

My Bookstore - ed. Ronald Rice. 2012.

What could be better than a bunch of authors writing short essays about their favorite bookstore?

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Animals Welcome - Peg Kehret. 2012.

Who can say no to a short memoir aimed at kids about animal rescue, especially by a prolific children’s book author from my youth.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Open Book - Jessica Simpson. 2020.

I’ve always liked her despite not knowing much about her work; seeing this at Goodwill finally inspired a read.

How I heard of it: ONTD

The House of Spirits and Whispers - Annie Wilder. 2005.

Saw it at a garage sale, definitely here for a spooky haunted house of relatively local interest.

The Actor's Life: A Survival Guide - Jenna Fischer. 2017.

I LOVE HER.

How I heard of it: ...hm, can't remember! maybe ONTD, maybe just Office fandom in general?

This Is Not a Pity Memoir - Abi Morgan. 2022.

While in another acute round of stanning Mr. & Mrs. Tennant via the latter's social media, I was trying to figure out what kind of novel would most satisfyingly represent the vibes of their relationship and concluded it’s not the falling in love so much with them as it is the steadfast endurance, so maybe hurt/comfort in the form of illness? A bit of googling later and this was so wildly, absurdly on the nose despite being nonfiction (a British actor and a wife on the writing/production side of the industry, with kids) that I had to read it immediately.

Paris: The Memoir - Paris Hilton. 2023.

I don’t have strong feelings about her as a person, so I was mostly just curious – especially the part about being sent to abusive juvenile behavioral rehab facilities, a topic I’ve always found fascinating.

How I heard of it: ONTD

The Writer's Tale: The Final Chapter - Russell T. Davies & Benjamin Cook. 2010 edition.

Good Omens sends me directly into a Doctor Who renaissance, time to finally read this tome I’ve been saving since the last time that happened! (four years ago) This is the only era of Doctor Who I care about so the more detail, the better.

How I heard of it: Half Price Books. Like back when it was relatively new, and I was a fool who didn't get it because it was pricey.

The Last Bookseller: A Life in the Rare Book Trade - Gary Goodman. 2021.

The subject latter alone would have gotten my attention, but this was actually my favorite bookstore until it closed.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Lessons from Tara: Life Advice from the World’s Most Brilliant Dog - Andy Rosenfelt. 2015.

Read & loved his first book about big fluffy rescue dogs, wanted more. Read now because a Goodreads friend just read it and reminded me of that fact.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Office BFFs - Jenna Fischer & Angela Kinsey. 2022.

I LOVE THEM AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP AND THEIR PODCAST.

She Memes Well - Quinta Brunson. 2021.

Love Abbott Elementary; had completely forgotten this existed until I was looking at Goodreads Choice Awards nominees of years past and then read on a whim.

Tell Me Everything - Minka Kelly. 2023.

Speaking of things I found out about via Goodreads Choice, I don’t know much about her as a person, but she’s really pretty and this sounded compelling and harrowing.

Sold to the Lady in the Green Hat - Emma Bailey. 1962.

I love auctions (well, estate sales, but same principle), I love old books, and I LOVED the illustrations and charming humor of vintage domestic memoirs I saw immediately at a glance.

How I heard of it: sale corner of the library

The Woman in Me - Britney Spears. 2023.

Mild curiosity due to inescapable hype, but mostly just determination to publicly confirm it wasn’t any better than her sister’s book, which I read the year before.

How I heard of it: ONTD

=========

Whew!! Done. I'd like to tell you and myself that I'm keeping up with 2024's log, but I actually got bogged down in trying to log every detail (cover thoughts, where it's set, why I was drawn to it, why I read it now, where I got it from), and burned out around early June because this is also the year I'm going to read 200 books apparently.

And this post already feels pretty messy. So. I guess we'll just see if it is in fact the last one or not..

[instantoatmeal]

Hey can anyone help me find or at least tell me what fanfic it is that I remember? This has been driving me crazy for like over a year now. I'm looking for a Hunger Games fanfiction, it's probably deleted now, but if anybody can give me any information that would be incredible. I can't remember the title or the author unfortunately but here's the list of what I do remember:

Finnick Odair/OC fic on fanfiction.net

Incomplete, small amount of chapters, maybe 3 or 4 but could've been a bit more

Takes place in Catching Fire, when the tributes are going for the Quarter quell

District 4 victor

Character inspired by Annie Cresta in terms of her mental instability

Goes into the games instead of mags

She's dressed as siren/mermaid for the tribute parade and she had long red hair, I believe it was a shell bra and green skirt like little mermaid style outfit and the prep team/stylist calls her their siren before she goes out

Johanna calls her crazy to her face when she comes out to the chariots, she mentions Finnick doesn't like that she does that but she herself doesn't mind

Katniss comes up to her during training and offers to show her how to use a bow, she takes a deep breath and then says she knows how to fight or something along that line and then says they can do something else. I'm pretty sure it's noted that Finnick is watching their interaction protectively

The last part that I remember clearly is in the last chapter or close to it, Finnick takes her to the pool in the training center and swims with her as exposure therapy to her fear. She says she wants to leave the water and he asks her to stay in for just a little longer. Johanna shows up while theyre swimming and I believe they discusse Plutarch's/Haymitch's plan while they're there.

These last couple things are stuff that I think I remember came from the fic, but I cannot say 100% that I'm right:

I thought her name started with an A and at some point someone called her mouse as nickname because of her timidness.

I also think I remember Annie was her sister that she volunteered to replace in her games but I'm not entirely sure of that either

It was publish pre-2020 and possibly pre-2018. I wanna say I saved it somewhere around 2016/2017 but I can't say for sure, it could've been even earlier tbh.

Edit: okay I checked my Google activity history and I'm pretty sure I found it at the earliest March of 2017, possibly in the OCs of Panem community on fanfiction.net. and I know by 2020 it was gone.

It's not a lot of information and its mostly just scenes that i remember reading, but it wasn't a long fic and like I said i'm pretty sure it was deleted. I'm just hoping somone else remembers because it's just been driving me nuts. Just the author or the title would be great if anybody knows it.

[oswlld]

Eight (8) Shows to Get to Know Me

tagged by @talays-portkey ♥ ty for tagging me and having me walk down memory lane for the past few days (spent too much time in all the tags microdosing on my upbringing)

DISCLAIMER: i wanted to showcase defining eras in my life/made an impact in a substantial way; i’m also recommending an ep to watch with each one, which isn’t part of the tag format but imma do it

--

i. LOST (2004-2010)

this was my whole world for my entire hs existence and into my early college years. half of the shows listed here stems from my first love of the ensemble cast, their interwoven yet clandestine storylines, and the mystery box. at my first sdcc, half of the cast was present when they debuted p1 of the series finale (you’d think i was dead the whole time fksfsk;lv)

the jessi special: The Constant (04x05)

ii. Fringe (2008-2013)

yes, i faithfully followed jj abrams into another insane show. i think it actually altered my brain chemistry, rewired something in me, devoured a piece of me. once LOST was over and Fringe brought in the alternate universe, i dove in head first and never resurfaced

the jessi special: Making Angels (04x11)

iii. Doctor Who (2005-Present)

i think it was technically winter 2010 when i started binging this show because s6 was my first time catching it live (was young and naïve, i caught it on bbca lol) ive been on hellsite for almost two years at the time and fully became a fandom blog, so it was inevitable i would love this series. i think it was the first show i made gifs/edits for???

the jessi special: The Doctor’s Wife (06x04)

iv. Lizzie Bennet Diaries (2012-2013)

oh look, my dna makeup shifts again. i actually started watching this show the week leading up to Darcy Day and can still vividly remember the migraines from binging 8-10min eps times 60ish worth of content. this show got me into writing my first fic, running an rp blog, creating instrumental playlists, making a DWxLBD blog, AND eventually flying my ass back to CA to meet the cast and beloved mutuals at VidCon

the jessi special: A New Buddy (ep56)

v. Orphan Black (2013-2017)

happy international women’s day to this show and this show only! i think of all the shows listed here, this is the first time since LOST i caught all the eps in real time from the very beginning. this was filling the hole Fringe was about to carve deep in me. but if you cut me open, you will find the beth-shaped hole that nothing/no one has been able to fill and likely will never fill til the end of time

the jessi special: The Collapse of Nature (04x01)

vi. Shadowhunters (2016-2019)

im willing to admit that the reason i got into this show was because of the wedding kiss haha i saw the clip, signed the adoption papers on the spot, and went on to write a 100K+ wip series. admittedly, i confess that this was a DNF and never finished the last season... i abandoned my boy.gif

the jessi special: Of Men and Angels (01x06)

vii. Sense8 (2015-2018)

a show about eight children than i gave birth to, that i raised on my own, that i will defend on my death bed and beyond??? that show sense8?? yes that show sense8. fun fact, when they did the screening of the finale in Chicago, the cast ended up sitting three rows behind me in the theater and i could hear them talking in between scenes the entire evening. wish i could bottle that feeling up

the jessi special: I Have No Room in My Heart for Hate (02x07)

viii. Bad Buddy (2021-2022)

and we finally made it to the current decade! its nov 2021, im fresh off leaving my previous job and still getting situated in my new position, yet this show was a siren calling to me in the dark mist of my life. i ended up saving the binge watching for the week of my bday and my whole life shifted again. it must have been so alarming on the outside, seeing me go from making 1-2 edits a month to 1-2 edits a day for almost THREE MONTHS. the fact that i still cont to avg two edits/week since then... oy lol

the jessi special: Ep10 (shocked pikachu.jpg)

and ill also throw some honorable mentions too: Chuck, The Good Place, Vice Versa, Twenty Five Twenty One, Once Upon a Time, and Elementary

--

now tagging @pranink, @icouldhyperfixatehim, @noxclara, @curious-earth (no pressure tho!)

[diueliz]

8, 12, 13, 16

8. A beloved movie you dislike: it's less of a "dislike" and more of a "didn't do it for me" but I guess Halloween (1978)? I've also only seen it once and I'd be willing to revisit

12. A movie you liked and/or understood better on a rewatch: Stoker (2013) is the first one that comes to mind! It was a very different experience on a rewatch and while I knew I liked it after the first time, I didn't feel as though I thoroughly Got it as a whole, but seeing it again really made it come together for me.

13. A movie you related to or felt strongly drawn to the most: "related to" is a bit of a hard question because it's many of them but also not always easy to pinpoint. A few could be The blackcoat's daughter (2015), Titane (2021), Excision (2012), Carrie (1976), A nightmare on Elm Street part 2: Freddy's revenge (1985). As for "drawn to" it's also a bit hard because I feel drawn to most films I watch I feel fjdjdk in some way. Thinking of ones for which I felt that more particularly, I could say Knife+Heart (2018).

16. Favorite poster/cover(s): so of course you knowingly picked this question, but yeah I love posters and they often play a considerable part in making me interested in a movie (don't judge a movie by its poster? I know, I don't, but alas the siren call of images). There's way too many to have actual favourites but to show a few I just saved while going through my films on LB:

I like drawn/painted poster art, I like interesting typography, I like bold flat colour contrasts, I like both a simpler "direct and to the point" approach and more elaborate composition and such, I like black + red, i like black and white, and many other things. Naturally many of these things can't stand on their own, what I need is also the unexplainable mysterious air around an image, but these things certainly help (bonus points if there's a woman wide eyed, screaming or not). I just think they're neat

[whenitsdarkweilluminate]

Tel Aviv 2019 – Semi-Final 1

Host: Israel Slogan: “Dare to Dream” Participants: 41 Voting method: 12-point system (50/50 system - separated) Format: 2 Semi-Finals / Grand Final = the top 10 of semi 1 & 2 + the Big 5 + host

General Overview:

I just finished a year with super imbalanced semi-finals, and now I get to do... another year with super imbalanced semi-finals! Except it's the reverse of 2018. This time, SF1 is the “mid-off” and SF2 is the “bloodbath”. In fact, none of this year's top EIGHT comes from SF1.

2019 sees Israel host the last contest of the decade for a third time (after 1979 and 1999). While the number of participants drops to 41. Bulgaria left for financial reasons. And Ukraine were forced to withdraw after Maruv refused to sign a contract that restricted her from performing in Russia. The 2nd and 3rd placers in Vidbir also declined to replace her. A real shame, since “Siren Song” would be a contender for my #1 this year.

The presenters are Erez Tal, Bar Refaeli, Assi Azar and Lucy Ayoub. Their humour isn't as strong as Petra and Måns or the Portuguese team. But I still find them amusing. Erez is my favourite; I laughed when he mocked the waving audience members. The other memorable jokes tonight were: Assi sneaking into Bar's shot, Assi pulling up a shirtless pic of Miki, and the empty CD/DVD reveal.

The show opens with a 5-year-old Netta and her family watching Dana International win in 1998. She takes this inspiration to sing “Toy” at a kids talent show. This cuts to a recap of her 2018 winning moment. Next, we go inside the arena, where a bunch of robotic “look at me”'s and flashing bars of light set up Netta's grand entrance – where she comes out of a giant cat figurine. Then she sings a remix of “Toy” that changes production several times, including a chicken clucking beat at first. She also unleashes a crazy note at one point. It's a hype opener, I'll admit that.

The interval stars Dana International singing a cover of Bruno Mars's “Just the Way You Are”. Her performance starts in her dressing room, then she walks down a hallway that leads to the stage. Once on stage, there's a kiss cam showing straight and gay couples kissing. Dana is there to spread love! Next, we see a montage of the 2019 artists dancing in the postcards... this is pure filler. And later, there's a DJ Earworm-style mash-up of famous Eurovision songs from the past. I liked that one.

Australia wins this semi-final, despite placing 2nd in the televote and 3rd with the juries. The televote winners is... Iceland. Didn't see that coming. While the jury winner is Czechia, because of course it is. The public saved San Marino at the expense of Hungary. While the juries saved Belarus at the expense of Poland. Poland was 2 points away from qualifying, actually.

✓ Cyprus: Tamta - Replay 2019 kicks off with “Fuego” 2.0! Both songs have Major Lazer-esque production and female singers acting playfully dominant (“You've got a problem”... “I'm the one to blame... “I know you miss the taste”). The subject twists and turns at 2AM craving Tamta, so they call her “early in the morning” for an undercover booty call. But she's not a tease, she's “all in tonight”. The title “Replay” implies this is a recurring thing. The song is also catchy AF, particularly the “THAT'S WHEN YOU CALL ME” / “EARLY IN THE MORNING” repetition shouts and the “replay-replay-replay” stutters (it replays the word replay!) The stutters have a jittery visual effect too. On stage, Tamta wears shiny leather and turns to the side a lot. There's also 4 dancing cowboys. They move their hands into the frame and remove her jacket later on. She then gets sensual during the bridge. The performance starts with the spotlight turning on/off on Tamta as well. And the black clothing theme is contrasted by 6 pillars of white light. Musically, “Replay” opens with laggy guitar plucks. Then the first verse suppresses the plucks, while inserting a few purring motor bursts (like the song is glitching), and adds taps midway to get things moving. The chorus stops the beat via a slam, like it's had enough. Then the beat returns and builds up, pausing on the main lyric. Then broken stutter ticks lead to the brass-y “womp-womp” drop. That drop makes you sink on the dancefloor. The bridge is a cool down. And there's pyro bangs to start the last chorus, which keeps the beat this time.

× Montenegro: D mol - Heaven This just sound like Christian music on a beach. No thanks. The group harmonies, the wholesome smiles, and the white outfits give that vibe. The vocals, staging, and instrumental are messy as well. The chorus uses the word “falling” too many times. The odd camera angles don't really work – I don't like how they keep turning towards the camera. Their different placements on stage at the start look random. And I cringe when they all look up to heaven. Moreover, the lyrics aren't profound. The narrator was left lonely, heartbroken and empty before they found love. They felt naked, blind and ready to give up. That's the entire story. The first verse repeats a few words, but not in a noticeable way. The “I'll catch you while you're falling” line feels shoehorned in too. The group even tries to catch one of them from falling at the end... which is also cringe. And the instrumental has WAY too much going on. It doesn't mix traditional and modern very well. The intro feels “off”, with squeals, snaps, and a warped siren. The first verse is mainly piano, with a bit of traditional strings and echoing steps. There's a splash transition. Then the chorus has a snappy beat, pan flutes, and more squeals; followed by a string break. The song's tempo increases from this point on. There's quacks in the 2nd half. Verse 2 reduces to computer “blips” midway, followed by a hip-hop-ish drum, a quick pause and a thunderclap. And the song ends with more strings. Nothing about this entry works.

× Finland: Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman - Look Away Finland selects the DJ behind the “Sandstorm” meme, while UMK chooses the song. It was the same with Saara Aalto last year. But “Look Away” finished dead last in SF1. The melody is limp, the “drop” is nothing, and the “look away”s in the chorus are never-ending. The “is it in my heaaaaad” hook is fine though. The song's message is about how we “look away” from the serious issues affecting our world. Sebastian is done with singing about love; this is more important. He can't ignore what's happening. He wonders how we sleep at night and questions if he's the only one mentally affected by this. Musically, the song starts with two drum kicks, then the dance club piano and buzzing comes in. Those kicks are reused for transitions. While the pre-chorus piano is more isolated. Then there's a beat acceleration at the beginning, middle, and end of the “drop”. But the “drop” plays it too safe and doesn't change things up enough – it's just a faster tempo. Things briefly cool off before verse 2, which adds splashy drums. The next pre-chorus uses antsy guitar and a slower boom-boom-splash beat. The latter is repeated at the end of the song. The staging is the best aspect though. It involves a random dancer, all alone on the main stage, moving against a wind machine with seawater on the LED behind her. Midway through, she “disappears” into darkness, and is shown drowning on the LED. Then she “magically” returns to the stage. I guess magic works when you look away.

× Poland: Tulia - Fire of Love (Pali się) “White Voice” singing is polarizing. The first few seconds of “Fire of Love” involves ear-splitting shrieks... it's not a good first impression. But the verses salvage this somewhat. There's an electric guitar that runs through them that slices through everything and gives a bad-ass attitude. It's just the sneering, high-pitched chorus vocals that are grating. Although they do serve a purpose. “Pali się” is the Polish way of shouting “FIRE! FIRE!” to alarm someone. So Tulia are literally shouting “FIRE! FIRE!” in that chorus. Lyrically, the song is about how love will melt the frozen, doubting heart. How it'll free the abandoned, indifferent heart that's hard as stone and feels nothing. All it takes is one small spark. And then the fire brigade is useless! On stage, the 4 women stand on a spinning platform, while dressed in traditional attire. They're draped in long red veils that they remove in unison early on. And the LED shows their faces one at a time. After that a cappella shrieking intro is over with, the electric guitar and claps jump in right away, alongside an “ah huh ah huh” chant. The guitar groove drives the verses, with light stomps and hi-hat. While the chorus is a clappy schoolyard chant with tambourine jingles. There's a pause after each chorus before the guitar returns. And the 3rd verse delays the guitar even longer for an audience clap-a-long moment. The song also begins and ends in English.

✓ Slovenia: Zalagasper - Sebi “Sebi” expresses intimacy so well, with Zala's minimalist vocal, the chill instrumental, and how the couple stands very close to each other. She looks directly at Gašper while he takes in what she says. He alternates between smiles and serious faces. And he breaks eye contact a few times to look at his instruments as a distraction. The camera also spins around them, and the LED shows a starry night sky. There's a nighttime ambience here. “Sebi” is a late night conversation, where Zala offers her support when Gašper feels overwhelmed. She says progress keeps her going. That she goes with the flow and resists it. That it's okay to cry. That they accept each other despite different desires. That he doesn't need to prove himself. Not everything has a meaning; nothing is forever; and common tears and fears create a bond. The chorus, meanwhile, repeats the words “Stay true to yourself / Don't tell me to forgive you”. The message is that you don't have to be a perfect person in a relationship. Zala is taking that pressure off. The production is very atmospheric and quirky as well. The intro has dark dreamy keyboards, hollow knocks, broken metal tick rattles, and computerized claps. While the verses reduce to just knocks and taps, with some purring motor bits. Verse 2 has more rattles though. And the chorus is the same as the intro. They both soar. There's some distant voices in there too. None of these quirks clash either. It's smooth. Zala's vocal might seem boring, but the chorus melody makes up for it.

✓ Czech Republic: Lake Malawi - Friend of a Friend The “Don't Come Easy”/“Dance You Off” of 2019. There's so much awkward energy here - the nervous smiles, the spoken word pre-chorus, the lead singer hopping backwards, his dance moves, him sliding/falling to the floor, him gesturing the camera to follow him. And it's like they're acting awkward on purpose, which comes across pretentious. I do like the editing though. Each band member is inside a rectangular frame, and during the chorus, their frames multiply and shift around, while the LED alternates bold colours. They wear bold sweaters too (black, yellow, or red). But those are Belgium flag colours, not Malawi. Also, the lyrics are asinine. The singer overhears his crush making love next door, and later upstairs. This must be an apartment. They were neighbours at 13 but now she's just a “friend of a friend of a...” etc. I don't really like that hook. He still dreams about meeting up, saying “I'm your man”, even though he forgot her name. This is one-sided. I think it's meant to be silly though. The production shifts between dreary and chipper. The song starts with gradual drips, then the drums and cowbell come in. There's a sad desert guitar. Then the pre-chorus reduces to a bluesy keyboard, creating awkward silence for the spoken word part. The drums return for the chorus, alongside a wiggly guitar groove and dull synth gargles. An 80s synth break follows this, with the same wiggly groove. There's also annoying “I'm only a friend” responses. And two long notes at the end.

× Hungary: Joci Pápai - Az én apám Joci returns after just 2 years... only to give Hungary their first NQ in 10 years... and they haven't participated since. “Origo” was captivating, but I can see how “Az én apám” got lost. The only catchy part is the “n-na na na na na; ya ya ya” part. Joci's performance shows the song is meaningful to him though. He's cherishing the memory of his father, who was gentle and told stories through song, which drove away Joci's sadness. Every road lead to him. It was the “old beautiful days”. Joci remarks how life is too short. He notices the facial resemblance as he ages. And he's proud to tell his son about his grandfather. Musically, “Az én apám” is a folk song, starting with just an acoustic guitar. The foot stomps appear next. Then the first chorus rests, with a couple string? dives. Then the post-chorus uses snaps, thunderous stomps, and folk strings. The snaps remain in verse 2. And chorus 2 adds a marching snare and more heavy stomps. The percussion is strongest by the end. The outro goes on a while though. The song is over before it reaches a climax. But it's a touching dedication. The “na na na” part is like humming or whistling while lost in thought. It is a pensive song. The stage is simple. It starts with Joci sitting on a box in dark lighting, which works for a folk song. Then the LED shows fatherly faces. And a golden tree with roots on the floor later on. There's also fire rain at the end.

✓ Belarus: Zena - Like It #StandWithUkraine

Also Belarus's last performance. Zena's vocals aren't great, some of the lyrics have bad English, and the chorus is bratty and repetitive (“YES YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT” x8). The “tam-tara-ram” hook doesn't do much either. But the two dancers constantly doing flips are engaging. And the ad libs break the repetitiveness (I like the “BABY REPEAT MY MOVES” ending). The song opens with a short distant cry. Then an acoustic guitar brings '00s pop nostalgia, with piano and clacks added midway. Next, there's a halting strike, a low piano chorus, a beat acceleration, a hanging synth, and a blaring synth “drop”. I like those last 2. Verse 2 adds a bass synth and broken metal tick stutters. While the bridge extends chorus 2 before cooling down; leading to a “yoUu goOo wIth mE bAAAABY” climax. The song advocates putting yourself out there. Zena is attached to her phone, outside her comfort zone, and tired of being alone. She asks karma what to do. But she's done with being all talk no action - she'll take the risk and won't give up. The chorus is her convincing either herself, her crush, or other introverts “yes, you're gonna like [going for] it”. Then, verse 2 is an invitation to dance. “Add hashtag to find ya” is certainly a lyric. On stage, there's a bunch of equipment boxes. Zena sits on one and the dancers wheel her around. She later leans ontop of the dancers. And the backing singers come out at the end. The LED shows a severed face with animals running through it (weird). There's also pyro during the chorus.

✓ Serbia: Nevena Božović - Kruna The only 2019 qualifier I didn't remember. “Kruna” is an ordinary Balkan Ballad with a shout-y chorus. And I thought that chorus was her crying in desperation at first, but it's actually a rooftop declaration: “Let the world hear me now / I'm guarding you with my life!” Nevena wants everyone know about her devotion to her fiance. She also says his “dear eyes” calm her down, the night is long and sad without him, she'd die to protect him, and “the crown is yours”. The lyrics aren't super deep. But Nevena's voice is powerful and she owns that stage despite being completely alone. She also wears an assortment of silver accessories and a black dress that exposes one leg. And she conjures a hologram of swirling blue water at one point. The LED, meanwhile, displays cracked ice and a splashy whirlpool. Musically, the first half of “Kruna” is driven by an acoustic guitar. There's also a fiddle and backing whispers that appear at certain points. The chorus switches to raging acoustic guitar and piano, finishing on a stop that removes the tension. The song's ending does this twice. At the midpoint, there's an electric guitar ignition that ushers in the drums and orchestral strings for the second half. Then a few piano notes lead to verse 2. And those drums pause for the next pre-chorus, leading to another ignition. The pre-chorus also switches to English. The electric guitar parts are too short though.

× Belgium: Eliot - Wake Up Just like last year, Belgium NQ's with a song similar to “City Lights”. This one even shares a songwriter. Maybe it was Eliot's timid vocal. He gives the song sensitive vulnerability though. The lyrics are open to interpretation. Eliot feels rejected and craves a connection. It keeps him up at night. He fights to have someone and won't passively wait for it. He runs into liars, so lies back out of fear. Then, in the bridge, he's ready to face them, saying he won't abuse them. As for the metaphorical “light”, it signifies change, motivation (“feeding our fire”), and hope (“saving our lives”). “Wake Up” is an atmospheric synthpop song. The verses follow a wandering, dry-air synth, with clicks and drums added midway the first time. Then the chorus changes the vibe and tempo entirely (it “wakes up”). There's a drum pound for each syllable on the catchy “I came to fight...” repetitions, followed by 4 separated keyboard notes. It's quite effective. This stumbling chorus resists the smooth windy verses. The second verse then sprints, with constant clicks this time. And the bridge escalates, then stops upon the last chorus. On stage, there's two drummers striking large upright drums. Their drumstick movements are engaging (when they raise and cross them). They also wear blue T-shirts with orange peace signs; the same colours as Eliot's jacket. And during the chorus, everyone raises their fists (drumsticks included). The overhead triangle thing moves around too. And there's a smoke puff climax.

× Georgia: Oto Nemsadze - Keep On Going “Keep On Going” certainly takes you on a journey. It feels like I'm staring the Grim Reaper in the face. It's a haunting funeral song. But it's so overly intense, serious and... creepy. The song opens with a church bell slam and weary bagpipes. Then the piano and little guitar fidgets take over, with more slams. Plus background throat chanting and orchestral strings. The pre-chorus uses twitchy snare, ground-shaking drums, and strings; escalating midway with firm clasping drums. This build-up cut offs, reducing to a heartbeat thump. Then the instruments return one by one. The beat stops again for a creepy choir chant with church bells. And the drums return for the ending. These drums are so intense. Oto's voice also becomes raspier and growlier as the song progresses; especially during that agonizing “Vaarada varada varada rada hee” bit. But ultimately, this song is one long build-up to nothing. The lyrics reference the barbed wire fence that separates South Ossetia from Georgia. Oto repeatedly says “go”; as in: Go walk. Go find the missing songs. Go follow your heart. Go cross that fence. There's a wounded singer behind the fence still singing. Singing heals each other's wounds. On stage, the LED starts with an ECG, then a line of walking silhouettes. It's mostly mountains after that. Oto walks across a dock image on the floor at one point. The camera spins around him for a bit. The choir marches forward when it's their turn, as Oto faces them. And there's hellfire flames at the end.

✓ Australia: Kate Miller-Heidke - Zero Gravity I knew Kate from “The Last Day on Earth”, a #3 hit in Australia in 2009. It's a beautiful song, but “Zero Gravity” takes a more unusual direction. The most memorable aspect is the inventive staging, where Kate and the two backing singers swing around on tall poles, as they “orbit” an Earth hologram. And the LED adds an outer space backdrop. They literally escaped gravity! Kate's tiara and sparkly white dress give snow queen vibes too. The song is equally unusual. Verse 1 follows sparse piano notes, with a subdued, anxious, rapid, bubbling beat underneath, and lingering “hey you...”'s. While verse 2 uses a jogging synth beat instead (I like when it kicks in). And the “I've been...” pre-chorus adds an angelic harp. The chorus completely halts the momentum. Twice. Kate gives an operatic “ze-E-e-E-E-Ero... gra-HA-HA-HA-vity”, guided by string jerks. It's polarizing, but it works. Then some piano slams and tense strings escalate things. Which is a tease the first time; the eventual climax is SO epic and worth the wait. The 2nd post-chorus builds up with some “and it feels like”'s and Kate's operatic flexing, culminating in a big note. Then the backing repeatedly shouts “NOTHING HOLD ME DOWN” as the drums slam down with snaps. That climax has such a freeing feeling and the wild swinging on stage really complements it. The song then speeds up at the end. The lyrics are about Kate needing to let go of someone holding her down. The pain and sadness gotta go. She couldn't open them up. And she feels cold staying there.

This year, Australia did a national final for the first time. Sheppard and Courtney Act took part, while the runner-up, Electric Fields's “2000 and Whatever”, is a massive fan favourite.

✓ Iceland: Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra Iceland breaks a 4-year NQ streak by sending one of the most “WTF” entries in Eurovision history. That's 3 strange entries in a row tonight. “Hatrið” is the epitome of “love it or hate it”. And... this is just not for me. The microphone-eating screaming vocals in the verses are downright un-listenable. The deranged baby voice in the chorus is fine though. And I kinda like the hardcore, industrial techo beat. It persists for almost the entire song, save for a couple pauses, and when the bridge offers a breather. The song opens with a body-vibrating heavy bass. Then a “HUH!” ushers in the main beat, which includes construction site metal clanging. And the chorus adds lighter euphoric synths to it. I assume the lyrics are a commentary on the rise of far right politicians (ie. “Europe will crumble”). The title translates to “Hate Will Prevail”. The song mentions unrestrained debauchery, an endless hangover, meaningless life, all-consuming emptiness, illusionary happiness, and “Multilateral delusions / Unilateral punishments”. It's very dystopian and pessimistic. And the chorus expresses vague sadness. The staging is the most “WTF” aspect though. The band wears BDSM gear. There's a giant cage with a punisher swinging a hammer back and forth ontop. There's laggy and blurry visual effects. There's welding sparks and flames. A dancer escapes the cage, looks submissive, and crawls around. The chorus singer lays upside down on the stairs at first. And he gets pulled around later. The screaming singer scares me lol.

✓ Estonia: Victor Crone - Storm I guess we need a palate cleanser after Iceland. But this sounds like a generic Melodifestivalen entry. In fact, Victor will have his own generic MF entry in 2020! “Storm” just lacks personality, and the melody and production are bland. Sure, the verses are introspective, where he keeps questioning if his approach to life is wrong. But his story isn't personal enough: he keeps fighting tides, he worries about losing it all, he misses the meaning of what remains. The chorus (and post-chorus) then promote a message of resilience with uninspired lyrics. At the end of the song, Victor questions if he's wrong about this too. Otherwise, this fusion of folk and dance music is like Avicii's “Wake Me Up”. “Storm” starts with a “content with life” acoustic guitar. Then the finger snaps and backing “woo-oo”s come in, followed by an actual thunderclap. The chorus aims to be an anthem, where it punches on each syllable of Victor shouting “STORM. LIKE. THIS.”/“MAN.LIKE.THIS.” etc. The first chorus holds back, whereas the second one builds with sawing strings. The latter is when the “drop” finally hits, which is big, energized house music with more snaps. The post-chorus continues this climax until the bridge quiets down. The song also returns to acoustic at the end. On stage, Victor plays a guitar, as the LED shows blocky clouds. He turns around a couple times so the camera can show the audience behind him. And later, he's surrounded by holograms of clouds and lightning. Cool effects.

× Portugal: Conan Osíris - Telemóveis Back to the strange entries. The staging involves unique green outfits, fake sideburns, a shirtless dancer, and squirmy dance moves. Plus dark red lighting. There's camera cuts at the start. The dancer sits on a staircase. Conan meets him up there. They walk down in unison. The dancer collapses, tiptoes, sticks his tongue out, leans back, and shoots a pretend arrow. Then Conan is dragged backwards like a marionette. The instrumental is dark and mixes elements from all over the world. It begins and ends with patient, ominous East Asian strings. As if your boat is approaching danger. There's bass booms, then the trap-y “BA BA BA” beat overtakes with relentless striking/skipping ticks and human gasps. The second verse reduces to nudges, before heightening back to the fuller sound. Then a Portuguese guitar emerges. All the above elements come and go throughout the song. They're used in various combinations. There's “HEY” pauses too. The lyrics warn against cellphone addiction. “I broke the cellphone trying to call heaven” sounds silly, but it's saying we shouldn't waste time trying to contact the dead. The “who kills who?” repetition relates to how phones give constant dopamine hits that consume us. Conan also repeats “I'll break the cellphone” if you won't respond to real life's demands. Then at the end, he reveals he's the one “who killed who”. Last year's host country can afford risks. “Telemóveis” is kinda pretentious and overhyped but the beat and dancing are interesting. I like whenever the full beat returns.

✓ Greece: Katerine Duska - Better Love Greece was also overhyped. I wasn't keen on Katerine's voice in 2019 (those “ooh ooh hoo”s in particular), but “Better Love” has grown on me since. She sounds earnest in her quest to go beyond society's made up expectations of what love is. She can't hide or fight this urge to find “better love”, which she defines as enjoying the messiness, feeling ageless, and learning carelessness. She's lost enough already. The bridge then invites the subject in, not caring what others think. And the outro repeats “What you waiting for?” many times. The song opens with tunnel voices; followed by a little bubbling sound, then finger snaps, then taps. The chorus is quite loud by contrast, with thunderous drums and claps. It also includes quivers, individual clicks, and backing “ahhhhhh”. The second verse adds splashy drums and backing “hey!”s. While the bridge switches to deep rolling drums with the claps. Katerine also gives a long note afterwards. The stage is like an 18th century royal ball. It involves pastel colours and fancy clothing. It starts with everyone frozen in place in front of this pink backdrop. Then two ballet dancers sword dance. Someone carries a giant balloon and tosses it into the audience. And the dancers twirl ribbons at the end. The backdrop also fills up with flowers and the LED shows petals. The chorus hook is kinda “blah”, but I like the song's atmosphere of supreme elegance. It fits a royal ball. It has an opening up to the world vibe too.

✓ San Marino: Serhat - Say Na Na Na San Marino's best result is surprisingly NOT “Adrenalina”, it's Serhat. The televote loved “Say Na Na Na”. It's a very upbeat song with a fun, catchy chorus. It isn't creepy like his 2016 entry. And he has fun on stage. But he can't sing... at all. The disco production is cheap. And this isn't the most essential bop. The song opens with a thin drum machine. Then the lively disco energy is pretty consistent. The verses have more modern synths. The pre-chorus submerges. The bridge has flappy drums and a call-and-response routine. And the Turkish counting includes 3 bangs. In the lyrics, Serhat notices someone who's “sad and lonely”. He asks what's wrong and why they want to run away. He also gives a bunch of advice: “who cares... it happens everyday”; “love all colours of this life”; “be a hero, be the rainbow”. He's very pushy about it, saying “look at me”, “hear me”, “call me anytime”. And the chorus repeats “say na na na” too many times. I guess singing “na na na” is meant to lift your spirits. The performance is better than the song though. It starts on the overhead camera in red lighting, as the 5 backing members look up and wiggle around, and the floor light flashes. They have very positive energy. Then we see Serhat on a platform, where the LED is used very well. It shows lyrics, flashing colours inside a box, pixelated noise, hypnotic moving lines, and white boxes rippling outward. There's a pyro blast upon the final chorus. And the two dancers next to Serhat are enjoyable.

My Ranking:

01. Slovenia: Zalagasper - Sebi ✓ 02. Australia: Kate Miller-Heidke - Zero Gravity ✓ 03. Cyprus: Tamta - Replay ✓ 04. Belgium: Eliot - Wake Up 05. Serbia: Nevena Božović - Kruna ✓ 06. Greece: Katerine Duska - Better Love ✓ 07. Hungary: Joci Pápai - Az én apám 08. Portugal: Conan Osíris - Telemóveis 09. San Marino: Serhat - Say Na Na Na ✓ 10. Belarus: Zena - Like It ✓

11. Estonia: Victor Crone - Storm ✓ 12. Poland: Tulia - Fire of Love (Pali się) 13. Finland: Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman - Look Away 14. Georgia: Oto Nemsadze - Keep On Going 15. Iceland: Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra ✓ 16. Czech Republic: Lake Malawi - Friend of a Friend ✓ 17. Montenegro: D mol - Heaven

Slim pickings here...

[seraphsiege]

On Victim of a Siren and its impact on my music journey

I originally wrote the lyrics for Victim of a Siren back in 2018, practicing it on this old 90s Yamaha electric piano that had been in my family since I can remember. It was this big ugly brown piece of junk that only had sixteen sound presets built into it. I spent hours at that thing, practicing video game music or whatever came to mind -- my free time seemed unlimited, isolated on the upstairs floor of my grandmother’s house. That Yamaha seemed to be my saving grace, though.

I turned to Sappho’s poetry during this time, not sure where to even start with lesbian literature. I don’t think I’d met any queer people outside of people offhandedly coming out to me -- I’d been outed in a small town, and I’m glad I was able to be solace for my queer peers, but it was scary. People knew about my identity so openly and I felt like I never had an option to express that on my own time. I was pretty active on tumblr during this time period, so learning about people from Leslie Feinberg to Sappho was what I spent my time reading. 

I was smitten with the literature I discovered. I interpolated a quote within the bridge, my mind drifting to the mountains of the Mediterranean -- a place that I’d get to explore for my own that year. 

There were a few girls at the time that I was yearning for, one of them having these bright blue oceanic eyes behind a small pair of glasses. I think that was my inspiration, although she was never to reciprocate my feelings in the end -- not like I needed her to. Saying anything to her would’ve put me at a lot more risk.

I wrote the second verse about ten minutes before I went to record, actually -- my producer can back me up on this one. The second verse really shows how alluring the siren can be when it comes to our desires, showing a twisted side to how lesbian love isn’t all what it seems. The yearning doesn’t always leave us with a happy ending.

I brought this song to my producer last year, and they were quick to help me put this all together. It was our first time working on a music project that didn’t involve film. I quickly put together a midi file in Logic of the chords, along with various synth plugins, and he was just so quick to go with it. I was shocked that he’d even wanna produce my song for his project. But he knew that I was more than prepared to get this song produced, and he brought that to life. 

I’m not a singer by any means, so getting in front of that mic and singing my heart out was nerve wracking, especially if my voice cracked or went flat. I have a lot of perfectionist tendencies, and I’m still trying to tell myself that I will always be my biggest critic. I still wish I’d spent more time perfecting vocals, but then again, I’d be in the tracking booth all day.

I’m so relieved that I’m able to share this piece with the world and hope that young sapphics out there are able to enjoy this as much as I did creating it. It’s a tale of longing, of drowning, and of unrequited love. I hope to create happier lesbian tales in the future, of course, but expressing my sapphic ethereality has been such an interesting journey thus far.

Listen to it on Soundcloud here <3

[authorforrosie]

Title: Jennie lost you.

Pairing: Jennie. | You. [GxG]

Warnings: Mafia, Gun, gun shooting, violence, angst, fictional-death, sobbing, screaming, blood, punishment, pain and numbness.

Words: 839.

Time: 2018

AU: Mafia.

Jennie Kim never allowed anyone to see her feelings until you came along. She met you when you got pulled in a dark alley and she saved you. Luckily she knew how to fight with and without a gun. Since she first let you met her gang everyone loved you as a family member.

Jisoo taught you strategies how to become better in games, planning for fights or how to be even smarter than other people. Rosé sang with you very often with her guitar in hand which Jennie often watched. Lisa taught you how to do self-distance and fight. Seulgi often danced with you. Irene often made you laugh with her jokes even when they aren’t always funny. Jennie taught you almost everything. Especially how to use a gun and how to shoot.

Everything seemed to be normal for a while without any danger. Until one night when you was on a date with Jennie. It was on the green grass which seemed a dark green cause of the night time. You both have been kissing and laughing until she suddenly heard loud car driving noises.

Her gang members heard everything yet couldn't reacting fast enough. All of them watched you both while sobbing and holding onto each other. Rosé hugged her best friend Lisa. Both sobbed. Jisoo stood next at them with tears in her eyes. Seulgi and Irene hugged Jisoo both was sobbing.

Jennie tried everything she could to save you. Yet nothing could save you from getting shoot more than once in the chest. Tears rolled down her cheeks she sobbed when she caught you in her arms. The shooter drove away immediately without any hesitation. Sirens could be heard in long-distance since someone must have called the police.

„Jen my mandu, the love of my entire life. I am so sorry we can't s-spent the rest of our lives together. I-I wish we could have spent forever with each other. Yet it seem like destiny has other plans for us." State You with pain and sadness in your voice.

„Please don't die baby. I can't lose you. Hang in there the ambulance is almost there. I love you." Sobbed Jennie with sadness in her voice. You took her hand in yours. You both didn't care that your hands are bloody.

„I-I am cold baby. Please kiss me. I-I wanna feel your lips on mine even if it's for the one last time..." Stuttered you with pain and numbness in your voice. Sweat covered your forehead of fighting against closing your eyes.

„I love you too. My baby." Said Jennie with honesty and sadness in her voice. She leaned closer in. You both was now face to face.

Jennie kissed you passionately with all her feelings into the kiss. She felt you kissing back with all your feelings. Until she couldn't feel you kissing back anymore. You didn't move and breath anymore. She sobbed and screamed into the sky where she saw the full moon.

Lisa pulled Rosé into her arms even more for Rosé to muzzle her face into Lisa's neck. Since Lisa didn't want her best friend to witness this traumatic scene. Jisoo couldn't take it anymore. She walked towards the sobbing woman. Who is her mafia gang leader.

Jisoo put a comforting hand on her leader’s shoulder giving it a slight squeeze. Her leader Jennie looked at her for a second before looking back down. Both looked at your death body Jennie still ran her bloody fingers through your y/h/c hair. Jisoo felt more tears rolling down her cheeks.

In that exact moment the sirens got louder which signaled them. The police arrived at the crime scene. Both women knew that they had to give a statement now. Female and male police officers held their gun’s after getting of the car’s. Everyone raised their hands for surrender. The crime scene was very traumatizing for each police officer that was at the scene. Some even almost sobbed. Since there was much blood everywhere.

„Jennie we should go when we finish giving our statement to the police. The police is here now.” Whispered Jisoo with sadness in her voice.

Jennie only nodded with her head without using her voice to say something. Because nothing could ever comfort her or her mafia gang members now. Jennie moved at stand up. When a female police officer pulled her away from your death body. Which laid on the ground now.

Her gang members took Jennie into their arms. All of them was sobbing and having only one thought in their mind. They thought of getting revenge for you as soon as possible. No matter how many people they would have to punishment. Until finding the people who took your life away from them. That was a promise they was gonna keep for you. Their ray of sunshine and Jennie’s love of her life.

[froggrean]

i have a theory between the two songs 'siren' by Taeyeon (2022) and Sunmi (2018).

Siren (by Taeyeon) is the prequel to Siren (by Sunmi).

same title

alarm sound (mostly) at the end of Siren and at the beginning and during Siren: continuity

mentions of the danger of the Siren (in both songs/both are dangerous) but Siren is warning about it, while it's too late already in Siren

while Siren is saying she won't (can't) let go while they're 'both' hurting, Siren is warning to let go because she will only get 'him' ('Boy') hurt

'잔인한 fantasy 널 구원할 듯 해치는' (A cruel fantasy that harms you as if it will save you) in Siren and '니 환상에 아름다운 나는 없어' (There is no beautiful me in your fantasy) in Siren

more stuff the lyrics but not precisely actually, but as a whole and i already wrote a lot so i'm not gonna post the whole lyrics of both songs, or at least not here and rn but if you want check and compare

in Siren 's mv, we can see that the siren is the danger. she's like a coping mechanism so she won't get hurt when love is here again, like before: in Siren(?) (which doesn't have a mv so i can't compare it-)

at the beginning of Siren, both the adlibs and the choreo conveys a sense of calling / 'I can hear the siren' in Siren: the call of the one she will (be forced to) become in the future, because of the pain (Siren's calling/a siren)

PS: this theory was approved by a (non-kpop fan) irl friend

[mxddyhero]

Ok for the ask game muku or kumon take ur pick from the epic family duo

Hey Niles!!! ^^/ Hell yeah,, muku time !!! 💖

In reference to this post !! (feel free to send an ask!)

EDIT TUMBLR NEVER POSTED THIS ?? IM SO SORRY

Character: Muku Sakisaka

Favourite thing about them

Muku is so precious. He is so scrumbly and my i absolutely adored when he comforted yuki after those guys in the street made him sad. He has such a big heart and he's so smart, too! He's dedicated to improving himself and he really tries his best for the sake of his troupe!!

Least favourite thing about them

Little Prince you're wonderful,, you don't deserve to constantly put yourself down ♡

Favourite line

It's either this or the misumi 2018 bday ssr where he's crying to misumi to not sacrifice tenma to the triangle gods

brOTP

GOD OKAY,, can we please talk about shoujo manga appreciation club? I love them so bad,, we already know kazu is such a good roommate to muku anyway but the fact he willingly wants to spend more time with him and indulge him in his interests? God they're so sweet,, AND obligatory muku and yuki they're just besties you honour idk what to tell you 🤷‍♂️

OTP

Honestly,, I think muku is good on his own rn!! He's figuring himself out and working on improving himself to become the best Prince he can and honestly good for him but mukuyuki is cute if i had to choose

nOTP

God I've seen a lot of these on ao3.. no to itaru and muku, or any of the adults/hyodosakas with him that's nasty

Random headcanon

tRANSMASC MUKU MY BELOVED PRINCE,, MY SON MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD I LOVE YOUUU-

Unpopular opinion

Muku is so fucking good as a character. He stands up for his friends, he's endlessly dedicated and willing to learn about anything and everything. He's so much more than a shy soft uwu bean. He SHOVED JUZA OVER,, mans is strong you can't tell me otherwise

Song I associate with them

Midnight Sky by Catchingyourclouds

Save Me A Spark by Sleeping With Sirens

My Oceans Were Lakes by AS IT IS

Line Without A Hook by Ricky Montgomery

Favourite pic of them

Sometimes I still don't believe this card is real... my little boy all grown up...

AGAIN IM SO SORRY THIS WAS NEVER POSTED HOLY SHIT??

[soliloquies-of-a-butterfly]

Absolute Faves Of All Time

A quick list of my fave everything, because heck it, why not?

Main Meals

Beef Stroganoff w/ rice (jasmine or calrose)

Mac & Cheese

Steak Sandwich (medium rare)

Beer Battered Fish & Chips

Spaghetti

Creamy Pasta

Sweets & Desserts

Chocolate Mousse

Rice Pudding

Ice-Cream Sundae (Chocolate)

Good Vanilla Tub Ice-Cream w/ Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice

Lamington w/ Jam & Cream

Monte Carlo Biscuits

Almond Croissants (usually toasted)

Orange & Poppy Seed Friand

Banana & Coconut Cake

Non-Alcoholic Drinks

Chocolate Milk

Chai Latte w/ Honey

Earl Grey Tea

Coconut Green Tea

Earl Grey Boba w/ Pudding & Pearls (hot or cold)

Coffee Frappe

Mocha (occasionally w/ hazelnut)

Taro Smoothie Boba

Matcha Frappe

Iced Coffee

Milo Milk (loaded)

Alcoholic Drinks

Drambuie

Crisp Apple Cider

Green Ginger Wine

Ginger Beer

Espresso Martini

Chocolate Mudcake Vodka

Asahi Dry Beer

Guinness Dark Stout Beer

Older Anime/Manga (≤2005)

Hikaru No Go

Petshop Of Horrors

Please Save My Earth

Bushin Gikyoku

Noein

Bokurano: Ours

Fullmetal Alchemist (+CoS)

Magical X Miracle

Silver Diamond

Red River

Junjou Romantica

Baby & Me

Planetes

Legend of the Galactic Heroes

Moyashimon

Vampire Princess Miyu

Princess Princess

Vampire Game

Shaman King

Now and Then, Here and There

Anime/Manga (2006+)

Yumeiro Pâtissière

Demon Slayer

K Project

Welcome to Demon School Iruma-kun

Ascendance of a Bookworm

Sasaki to Miyano

Shounen Maid

That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime

Gosick

The Heroic Legend of Arslan

My Hero Academy

Barakamon

Silver Spoon

Books

Harmony by Project ITOH

Dragonlinks by Paul Collins

When The Hipchicks Went To War by Pamela Rushby

Alex Rider series by Anthony Horrowitz

Empire Trilogy by Raymond E. Feist & Janny Wurts

Gone series by Michael Grant

Light Novels

Trash of the Count's Family

Ascendance of a Bookworm

Movies

Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead (1991)

Anastasia (Disney)

Martian

Pandora (Korean film)

Baby & I (2008 Korean film)

Secrets in the Hot Spring (2018 Taiwanese film)

Mulan (2009 Chinese film)

#Alive (2020 Korean film)

Live TV Shows

Round The Twist

Siren: Survive the Island

Black Books

Thai Cave Rescue

All Of Us Are Dead

Music Genres

Post Rock

Symphonic Rock/Metal

Classical (Modern & Older)

Percussive Music

Cover Artists

Whatever tf Vocaloid is, I dunno

Music Artists

Nightwish

Muse

Mother Mother

Karliene

Games

Journey by thatgamecompany

Sims 4

Outer Worlds

Fallen London

Bugsnax

Eastshade

HP Legacy

Hungry Hungry Hippos

D&D

Artsy/Makey Hobbies

Hand sewing (on & off)

Baking (Mainly Biscuits)

Writing (on & off)

Worldbuilding

HeroForge figures

Photography (esp. the sky, scenery and plants)

Other Hobbies

Collecting Playing Cards (not the magic ones or the trading ones. the normal ones. mainly the pretty artsy ones. Kickstarter is spoiling me)

[justlightlysedated]

For the ask - feel the current within, i can't help but give in ❤️

ah!! i was hoping someone would ask me about this one! okay, so this one was born from my brain going, it's halloween, you should write a siren!alex fic, and me going, you know what, you right!!

i have the whole fic plotted out, and basically, it's gonna jump around a little time wise, but the story starts in 1908 where lord jesse manes, binds his youngest son in chains and throws him into the sea, after catching him kissing another boy

in the water, alex almost drowns, but he is saved by the shining light of a lighthouse, basically, legend says that every ten years an island appears, rising up from the bottom of the sea, and on this island there is a lighthouse and inside of this lighthouse there is a crystal hidden within the light, and when the light shines upon you, it turns you immortal, but the catch is that you can't ever leave the island, but once you do, you never remember being on it

so the story will jump from 2021 where michael bumps into alex who has no idea who he is, and then go back to 2018 where michael starts having dreams about a dark figure with dripping dark hair, who feels cold and clammy to the touch, and has too sharp teeth and too sharp nails and too dark eyes, and is calling michael to come home, but michael has no idea where home is, since he was found on the shores of a beach ten years ago with no memory, and it will jump from 2018 to 2008 where alex saves a drowning michael and they fall in love and back again for most of the story and will end with the rest of the scene from 2021, where alex tells michael that he FEELS like he should know him

and that's the general gist!

here's a small sneak peek:

1908

"You can't do this," Alex says, tugging on the heavy chains that were holding his hands close to his waist.

His father didn't respond, just shackled his feet together as well, making sure that Alex couldn't really move.

The boat rocked alarmingly underneath his feet and for the first time since he'd pulled away from kissing Kyle and saw his father standing at the doorway, he knew without a doubt that he was going to die.

"Dad, please," he begs, and his father just straightens up and looks at him almost like he's looking at a stranger.

"I'm doing this for your own good," he says, sounding earnest.

Before Alex can try to say anything else, his father wraps his hands around his arms and propels him backwards. The boat rocks alarmingly and he tries to lift his hands to hold on but he can't move them more than a few inches away from where they're tied around his waist.

“Dad don’t-,” he tries again, but his father pushes him backwards, making him trip over the ledge and down into the water.

Alex manages to breathe in deep before the water closes over his head as he sinks, the chains wrapped around him dragging him down.

[lordmomohismomoness]

Plot Oriented Stories

So let us melt and make no noise by LittleLostStar

Rated M 69K words WIP last updated Jan 2021

When a mission to the South Pole goes awry, Prince Zuko awakens in the home of a healer named Katara and finds his heart is damaged and his bending has vanished. His quest to find the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe is his destiny-- the one chance to regain his honour and return home. But as time passes and Zuko's heart heals, it becomes clear that Katara is protecting an ancient secret of her own, and that both of their destinies are entwined in ways never before thought possible.

The Prince's Choice by FrostedGemstone22

Rated T 206K words Completed 2018

Katara is 18 and the Southern Water Tribe has held an uneasy allegiance with the Fire Nation for the last 100 or so years. When Katara's tribe goes through a food shortage, Katara takes it upon herself to make sure they survive. She agrees to enter a competition where the young Prince Zuko will choose a wife out of 35 women. Katara promises herself she only has to last a day until a truce she can't ignore is offered, and now Katara is in it for the long haul. A Zutara! Selection AU. More couple tags to be added as they appear.

Note: The first few chapters are not up to my standard of grammar, however the writer did enlist a beta reader shortly into the fic which made it much better.

Once Around The Sun by Eleventy7

Rated T 147K words Completed 2014

Later, Katara can see how it all fell apart. Azula in her cell, growing roses; Zuko surrounded by enemies, slowly dying; their friends in the Earth Kingdom, safely escaping. And herself at the centre of it, saving lives and breaking promises. Set after finale, eventual Zutara.

Warning: Tearbender

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People by Cyrene

Rated T 30K words WIP Last updated Nov 2020

A bunch of weirdos who frequent his uncle's diner invite "Lee" to play some stupid game with them called "Paragons of the Elements." Yeah, that's not happening, especially since one of them -- Katara -- already thinks he's a jerk. Except then it does, and he can't really get out of it. Then he doesn't WANT to. But can he really make friends with people who know nothing about who he really is? Is it possible for him to be the person they think he is, or will he always be weighed down by his past?

Long story short (too late!) this is the "Gaang plays D&D AU, with a healthy side of Zutara" you didn't know you needed, and Zuko's being a killjoy about it. It takes place in a modern world, with all bending or supernatural stuff relegated to the gaming table. Relationships are tagged by what occurs in each individual story, not the series as a whole.

Oceans Away by PearofAnons

Rated M 56K words WIP Last updated Dec 2020

The irony was not lost on him. The moment his wife told him he did not have her heart was the very moment he realized she had long captured his.

or

In their world many would mistaken their tale as some grand love story, but if you were to ask those close to them, they would say it was really quite simple. Family, duty, honor. With these two stubborn fools, love wasn't originally part of the plan, it just grew quietly along the way.

Contains Smut

His Majesty Prefers Blue by Shamelessliar

Rated M 212K words Completed 2012

A year after the war's end, the gaang returns to the Fire Nation for a week of diplomatic meetings. There, they hear rumors about a vigilante who wears a blue mask and Katara finds herself digging deeper into his identity and motives. Blue/Zutara Lemons

Trigger warnings: rape, torture (1 scene)

Subterfuge by Smylealong

Rated M 113K words WIP last updated Oct 2020

Thirty years ago, the Fire Nation attacked, throwing the world off balance. Katara entered the Fire Nation war camp at Ba Sing Se as a healer, prepared to do whatever it takes to play her part in stopping the war. Getting kidnapped with the Fire Prince and falling in love with him were not parts of the plan. AU. Zutara.

Trigger Warnings: Sexual Assault, Incest, Graphic Depiction of Violence

Call Me Katto by ShamelessLiar

Rated M 272K words Completed 2015

The Avatar awakens two years late, when only a token resistance still struggles against the Fire Nation. Katara disguises herself as a boy to follow Sokka into war. Not only must she hide her gender from her comrades, she has to help the Avatar while also dodging the creepy prince who’s taken such an intense interest in her. AU for timing.

Cursed Kiss by AlwaysZutarian

Rated E 136K words WIP Last Updated Feb 2021

Cursed to live with the body of a fearsome beast, Zuko hid from a cruel world that would not hesitate to destroy him, consumed with rage for those who had betrayed him, resigned to a lifetime of solitude. But then a ray of hope came in the form of a beautiful, blue-eyed woman. Could she look beyond his physical appearance and break his curse? Or would he forever remain alone?

The Dragon and the Siren (AO3) The Dragon and the Siren (ff.net) by CultofStrawberry

Rated M/T 147K+ words Completed 2012

Zutara, Hades x Persephone inspired. In a land of gods and spirits, Katara is the daughter of the Sea, and Zuko is the powerful and reclusive God of the Fire Realms. Zuko has been pining for her for too long... so he finally takes action.