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strmyweather · 8 years ago

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Whole30: Day 20

I’m two-thirds of the way through my fourth Whole30. This means I’m into the familiar ‘maintenance’ phase -- done with the horrible sugar cravings, done wanting to kill all the things, resigned (if still unenthusiastic) about meal prep and cooking -- and am now starting to enter the even-more-familiar anxiety phase: oh geez, what happens when I STOP?

Since I didn’t do a daily post this time, let’s back up a bit. Apologies in advance for what is probably going to be a bit of a lengthy back story.

Background: I’m not a newbie to the W30 endeavor, but this is the first time I’ve tried it in over two years (January 2015 was my third and last one, shortly after moving back to North Carolina -- before that, it was May 2014, and before that, my very first crack at it was in January 2013). In Philadelphia, my CrossFit gym’s underlying philosophy was strongly rooted in nutrition and holistic health, so I had an unusually supportive community for this type of thing. I also lived within walking/biking distance of multiple grocery stores, so food shopping and meal prep were standard parts of my weekend. I easily stayed 100% gluten-free for 2+years (which seems incredible to me now), and ate what was, essentially, a Paleo-based diet with the additions of rice, some cheese, the occasional beans, and a cocktail and/or sweet treat once or twice a week. Life still had its challenges, but overall I felt great, slept well, performed well in the gym, and effortlessly maintained a bodyweight I was happy with.

Fast-forward to moving back to North Carolina in August 2014. From a bird’s-eye view, this was absolutely the right move, and I have no regrets; however, it also meant that every single aspect of my life changed dramatically in one fell swoop. The initial transition wasn’t smooth -- I ended up living out of a suitcase in a friend’s guest room for the first six weeks, had a hard time adjusting emotionally to my new gym, and started a new job that entailed significantly more responsibility than the one I’d had in Philly (as time went on, this would lead to anxiety, insomnia, and migraines). My NC social circle was also inherently different in terms of its priorities; it wasn’t built around a gym, so there were more food-centric events with much less focus on the content of said food. Furthermore, Southern cities generally aren’t constructed to be easily walkable or bikeable; I was thoroughly dependent on my car for transportation, which meant I lost out on the huge amount of daily low-level physical activity that I’d had when I lived in the city. As if all that weren’t enough, I also took on some financial challenges; within the first six months, I had to buy a new car, and at the twelve-month mark, after 13 years of being a serial renter, I chanced across the totally unexpected opportunity to buy a wonderful home. Again, zero regrets; however, the huge array of ‘moving parts’ in my life (and, honestly, my lack of emotional attachment to my new gym community), meant that health, nutrition, and athletic performance slowly started to take a back seat, and I had a slow ‘weight creep’ of 15-20 pounds.

‘Pre-Contemplative’ Phase: Fast-forward again to the two-year mark in NC. I was finally settled in my new home, had gotten accustomed to my extremely tight budget, and had made the decision to switch to a lower-stress job, all of which made a huge difference in my mental state. I had also taken six months off from CrossFit to pursue a different type of training -- what I can best describe as a hybrid of strength + stability + mobility training, using a lot of kettlebells. It was fun and different, the coaching was incredibly solid, and I certainly saw improvements in my posterior chain engagement (my back pain resolved entirely) as well as certain aspects of my overall strength (I added 15 lb to my deadlift, and my ‘usual’ kettlebell swing nowadays is with the 24kg). However, it just didn’t pique my interest in the same way as CrossFit. I continued to show up every morning because I knew it was ‘good for me’ -- I jokingly referred to it as ‘taking my medicine’ -- but it just wasn’t something I genuinely loved. The coach, much to his credit, finally had a conversation with me about this, and we decided together that it was time for me to return to where my heart was. He made a recommendation for a specific gym that proved to be a great fit, and in August 2016, I went back to CrossFit.

I had some ground to make up after so much time away, and while my raw strength improved pretty readily to a level near where I’d been in Philadelphia, my proficiency at the bodyweight movements (pull-ups, sit-ups, toes-to-bar, etc.) still lagged well behind what I’d previously been able to expect of myself. I knew it was due at least in part to the excess bodyweight I was now carrying, but I also knew precisely what changes would be required to tackle it, and the idea was, in a word, daunting. (No more gluten, no more alcohol, no more sugar? ALL THAT MEAL PREP?!?) I halfheartedly tried a few different nutrition and exercise strategies -- intermittent fasting, training for a half marathon, a ketogenic diet -- but nothing really made a difference, primarily because I just wasn’t mentally ready.

Then the 2017 CrossFit Open came around. I was doing the workouts because they were written into our gym’s regular weekly programming, but I wasn’t officially signed up for the Open, with my formal excuse being the fact that I was running an out-of-town half marathon in the fourth week. This was technically true; however, on the inside, I knew that it was also a lie. In years past, CF would have been the priority regardless; I wouldn’t have let anything keep me from an Open workout, race performance be damned. I’d have adjusted my travel plans or dropped in at an out-of-town gym to get the workout done. The REAL reason I was half-assing this year was because I felt like I couldn’t keep up, like I had backslid and then stopped progressing, and I wasn’t mentally ready to face that fact or do anything about it. My struggling ego somehow still felt like I ‘deserved’ to perform well in the gym just for showing up -- but, as in most areas of life, you don’t get to NOT work at something and still expect to excel at it. In my world, athletic performance is inextricably linked to nutrition; maybe some people can crush their metcons while being fueled by Big Macs, but in my personal experience, you don’t get one without the other.

Then, finally, out of the clear blue, Open workout 17.2 was an unexpected turning point. It was absolutely not a workout I was excited about -- far from it; none of the movements were strengths of mine by any stretch. However, I ended up doing it all alone, first thing Friday morning, with my favorite coach -- herself a top-200 regional athlete, someone I trust and respect and who, by this point, knows my individual capabilities. I was more nervous than I had anticipated, but she calmed me down, warmed me up, nudged me into sticking with the RXed division (I was wavering), and coached me through a strategy appropriate to my current level of ability -- a strategy that I was, ultimately, able to execute as planned. As I was gasping on the floor afterward, she told me that RXed had been the right call, and said, “You’d have done the RX without question if the second skill movement [bar muscle-ups, which I can’t do yet] had been, say, snatches -- which means you should do the RX, period.” She was right.

That day, I suddenly started to feel a little of my old CrossFit fire come back. It felt good to treat a physical task as though it truly mattered. It felt good to remember how to develop a strategy, make a plan, and execute that plan. It also felt good to have someone ELSE genuinely invested in me and my performance, even just for a few minutes. I didn’t realize until that morning how much I had missed that. As I walked out of the gym, I realized I finally felt ready to start taking CrossFit performance -- and, therefore, nutrition and overall health -- a little more seriously again.

Day Zero: I started this Whole30 on March 21, the day after I arrived back home from the half marathon. Therefore, day zero (3/20) was grocery shopping day. I stocked up on the basic meat, fish, eggs, greens, bananas, and sweet potatoes, then hit my ‘specialty’ grocery stores for a couple of the more specific ‘compliant’ items that I knew to be vital: Trader Joe’s for nuts, dried fruit, jerky, almond meal, and one particular variety of Italian chicken sausage, then Whole Foods for plantains, pre-spiralized veggie noodles, compliant spice mixes, and a couple of Tessemae’s dressing/marinade flavors. Done and done.

In some ways, I knew these 30 days would be a ‘whole’ lot easier this time around (pun intended!). By now, I already know what foods are compliant and am familiar with which recipes I like to make, so I’ve required basically zero research beyond “where’s the recipe for that awesome spaghetti squash casserole?” or texting a Philly friend to ask “hey, which method of making salmon cakes did we ultimately decide we liked best?” However, in other ways, it’s been a LOT harder this time -- primarily in terms of the support system. I cannot stress enough the importance of community when taking this on. I shanghaied a few friends into tackling it with me via a secret Facebook group, and I’m genuinely not sure I would have stuck it out if not for them. When you’re PMS-ing on day 6 and miserable for want of ice cream, or STARVING on day 11 and trapped (due to an ill-timed flat tire) in the middle of Costco’s free-sample hell, and the end still seems so very far away… well, it’s a heck of a lot easier to cave in if you don’t have that accountability at your fingertips.

One of the biggest challenges was getting back into the required habit of regular meal prep. Pre-Whole30, I had been batch-cooking maybe once a week, and filling in the gaps with protein shakes, various pre-packaged bars, and some prepared foods. I had also fallen WAY off the veggie train (I won’t tell you how many bags of salad greens have rotted away in my fridge over the past year). The first two weeks of Whole30 were a major challenge in this regard; I did the required work in terms of meal prep, but definitely complained about it. I burned out on sweet potatoes and bananas pretty quickly, which meant that I was cooking SOMETHING nearly every single day, which was a major change that I initially really resented; however, most of it was familiar dishes that were also sort of fun to see and taste again. I recreated the ‘5-Ingredient Spaghetti Squash ‘Pizza’ Casserole’ that had been so popular with my Philly crew, made a ton of egg scrambles with various meat/veg ingredients, and invented a ‘W30 Taco Salad’ (just taco-seasoned ground turkey topped with salsa and guac, served over baby spinach). My absolute favorite thing was the Paleo salmon cakes, which I managed to make a lot less labor-intensive by using boneless/skinless canned salmon and canned sweet potato puree. I also discovered a few new items to work into the rotation -- for example, Trader Joe’s has a pre-cooked packet of roasted Brussels sprouts seasoned with just olive oil, salt, and pepper! Although I prefer the taste of my own preparation when I’ve got the time, I appreciated the ease of this option. One of my favorite ‘easy’ meals was Bilinski’s pre-cooked chicken meatballs; the garlic and spinach version is W30-compliant and one package can stretch across three meals, so I would toss them into Tupperware with baby white potatoes and some kind of vegetable (like the aforementioned Brussels sprouts) for a quick ‘heat and eat’ option.

My snacks were mostly bananas with almond butter, baggies of raw almonds and cashews, some dried apricots, Chomps jerky sticks, Whole Foods pre-cut fruit, baby carrots with single-serve guacamole packets, and boxed raisins. Interestingly enough, 100% baking chocolate is technically also Whole30-approved (because it consists of a single ingredient: cocoa mass). Even though it’s super bitter, one tiny piece of that after dinner, melting in my mouth as I drank a mug of sweetly flavorful Bengal Spice tea, coaxed me off a metaphorical cliff on more than one occasion. I still went through a very rough stretch around days 6-10 where, in the late afternoons, I was literally making written lists of all the sugary, carb-y, processed things I desperately wanted to eat (excerpts included my grandma’s macaroni and cheese, The Parlour’s birthday cake ice cream, a Rise fried green tomato biscuit, Trader Joe’s salted brownie bites, my mom’s carrot cake, one of my own coconut-lime rum cocktails, a big warm soft chocolate-chip cookie, a Cowfish All-American cheeseburger roll...), and for a while I was worried that it was just never going to stop being hard, that it was going to be like this for the rest of the month. However, in hindsight, I think there may have been a hormonal component, because one day (not a moment too soon!) it abruptly stopped.

Day 15: Somewhere around the halfway point, everything got easier. The sugar cravings decreased as my taste buds adjusted (and things like mango, sweet potato, and tomato started to taste oddly ‘sweet’ by comparison). Food also just stopped feeling so ‘important’ -- when I was presented with something in which I’d normally have indulged, it was easy to think to myself, “meh, this isn’t the last opportunity I’ll ever have to drink a cocktail,” or “I can get those cookies from the grocery store anytime I choose.” I also largely stopped eating out of boredom or because ‘food X would taste really good’ -- more often, when I was figuring out what to eat for a meal or a snack, the decision just revolved around ‘what needs to be used up before it goes bad?’ or ‘what can I put in my mouth just so that I will STOP FEELING HUNGRY?’.

Most importantly, I finally stopped resenting the meal prep. Rather than a dreaded chore, it had reverted back to being ‘normal’, just another part of my day. I did have to learn to schedule it appropriately -- my current job nets me more time off overall than my last one did, but also has a somewhat irregular schedule, so I have to consciously plan around that in terms of when to do my shopping and cooking to make sure I don’t run out of food during a busy work stretch -- but once I had it figured out, it didn’t feel hard anymore. I just turned on some Netflix in the background and got down to business. I’m not sure I’m ever going to LOVE cooking, but neutrality represents progress.

Day 20 / Sprint to the Finish Line: Those ‘on the outside’ usually think that finishing a Whole30 is cause for celebration. “What’s the first thing you’re going to eat?” they all ask eagerly. The weird thing is, by the time you’ve committed 30 days to living this way (or just 20 days, as today’s case may be), you actually start to feel a strange case of nerves about the end of the program. Almost invariably, you’ve seen SOMETHING (or multiple somethings) improve dramatically -- sleep, mood, skin, body composition, or what have you -- and the anxiety usually stems from the idea of losing all that progress.

One of my own focal points this time was/is body composition. I’m finally having some success in that regard, which is translating into better gym performance -- being a few pounds down means I can string together more pull-ups, have more control during wall walks, was able to drop one abmat from my handstand push-ups, etc. Another side benefit that I didn’t expect, but certainly appreciate, is that my rosacea cleared up a lot; not only did my face get way less puffy, but my skin is practically glowing. I haven’t worn any makeup to work for the past week (!) and I still suddenly look five years younger to myself in the mirror. I’ve heard a lot of people reference this as a side benefit to Whole30, but it is definitely not something I have EVER experienced myself. (On the contrary, I started most of my previous Whole30s with high hopes for improving my skin, and then it just never really happened -- probably because my stress levels were always sky-high, my hormones were therefore consistently whacked-out, and I wasn’t yet using a rosacea-specific face wash. This time I honestly forgot all about my skin, and voila, progress! Go figure.) To be fair, I had definitely also ‘fallen further’ in terms of my baseline diet prior to this challenge than I had prior to any of my previous ones, so that also might be contributing to the difference I’m noticing.

Going Forward: I’ve got ten more days of Whole30, but it’s worth planning ahead. Now that I’ve (finally!) reestablished some good habits, here are some of the more important ones I plan to keep: -- actually COOKING breakfast on my days off (egg scrambles + meat + veggies are a lot easier than I’d been giving them credit for) -- keeping a package of salad greens in the fridge to throw into whatever meal I can. (This means shopping at Whole Foods on a more regular basis, because their greens really do seem to stay fresh longer than the competition.) -- drop the damn protein shakes. I’ve been told before by nutrition experts that these aren’t necessary, even for athletes, unless you’re trying to GAIN weight (which I definitely am not). Although they are super convenient, and SEEM like they fit great into a nutrition plan when the macros are counted up, the anecdotal evidence for my individual body and life definitely supports the fact that I do tend to gain weight during periods of drinking shakes. This might not be true for everyone, but for me, the perceived convenience isn’t worth it. -- black coffee (which I like just fine, but had somehow slipped into the unnecessary habit of getting a latte as a ‘treat’ roughly twice a week) -- avoiding pre-packaged snack foods that have more fake ingredients than real ones. I still believe these foods can serve a purpose, especially in a busy life with long work hours, but there’s a definite chemical difference between an RX bar (egg whites, almonds, dates) and a Costco chocolate-covered granola bar (hydrolyzed soy protein, canola oil, etc.). -- eating dried or pre-cut fruit as part of a snack or (even better) as my end-of-meal ‘dessert’. For some reason, even as a child, I just never really liked fruit much, but the older I get, the more it’s growing on me -- I’m really digging the fresh kiwi/berries from Whole Foods and the dried apricots from Trader Joe’s). -- returning to being strictly gluten-free in terms of what I prepare at home. Besides the protein shakes, this is probably going to be the biggest game-changer. As above, I was totally gluten-free for the two years that I lived in Philly, primarily because I had a strong nutrition community who supported that. That same support system does not exist for me down here, so I have no illusions that I’m going to be able to stay 100% GF, especially not in social situations -- nor do I really ‘need’ to, honestly, because I don’t have a medical intolerance to gluten. What I DO have is a lack of ‘brakes’ when it comes to foods that are based primarily on grains; not only do I never feel full, but if I eat them regularly, I gradually require larger and larger amounts of these foods to satisfy me -- almost like a drug. However, food is also an important part of our human social universe. So when I’m on a trip to Cuba (in 13 days!) or when my sister and brother-in-law make our grandmother’s famous Southern macaroni and cheese, I don’t have to abstain. However, I also don’t need to be filling my own personal pantry with bread and cereal when (1) I KNOW these things don’t affect me in a positive way, and (2) there are so many other (MUCH more nutrient-dense) things I could be eating instead. Mantra: “this is not the last opportunity you will ever have to eat _______.”

On the other hand… Stuff I Can’t Wait to Reintroduce: -- rice. I don’t tend to crack out on this the same way I do on bread products, and it works well as a ‘base’ for meats and veggies. It helps to think of it as a ‘starch bolus’ -- when I’m CrossFitting 5-6 days a week and avoiding gluten, I generally do need the extra carbohydrates from rice in order to feel strong in the gym. (The alternative is eating like four sweet potatoes or bananas every day, which gets reeeeeal old reeeeeal fast.) -- beans. Legumes are not Whole30-approved because they have components that can easily mess with some people’s digestion. I’ve always done okay with them in moderate amounts, and I really like adding them to burrito bowls and so forth for a little extra bulk and flavor. Chickpeas are also in this category, and I love me some hummus. -- CHEESE. ‘Nough said. Again, not Whole30-approved because a lot of folks have issues with dairy. I was a daily milk drinker until my late twenties, and am fortunate enough that I really don’t seem to be sensitive to dairy at all. Nowadays I do tend to drink almond milk because it’s higher in calcium and (practically speaking) lasts a LOT longer in the fridge in this single girl’s house as compared to regular cow’s milk -- but I am really looking forward to adding some goat cheese into a spinach and sundried tomato omelet. -- Halo Top ice cream. Confession: I have had three pints of this stuff in my freezer since Day Zero (because during my initial shopping trip I stumbled across it at Target, where I had never seen it carried before, AND it was on sale). I don’t feel super guilty about this because it’s made with mostly ‘whole’ ingredients, is high in protein, and quite low-calorie (240-360 cal per PINT). The challenge will be keeping it in MODERATION -- I don’t need to eat it every day, and I definitely don’t need to kill the pint every time I indulge. -- RX bars. These are made from mostly ‘whole food’ ingredients (egg whites, almonds, coconut, etc.), but I’ve been off them for these 20 days because every flavor seems to contain one little ‘borderline’ thing (i.e. cacao or ‘natural coconut flavor’) -- not to mention, ‘bars’ are one of the habits we’re supposed to try to break on Whole30, even if they’re made from 100% compliant ingredients. I understand the concept, but these are just so convenient for late workdays! My weekday shifts (of which I only have 2-3 per week) are long; I’m at work until 7:30pm and getting home around 8pm. Since I’m in bed at 9 (because of my early-morning gym habit), I don’t like to eat a huge dinner when I get home. The solution that seems to work best on these days is to have a bit larger breakfast and lunch, then nibble an RX bar for ‘dinner’ around 5-6pm in between patients. -- the occasional cocktail. I’m not one of those people who ‘needs’ a daily after-work indulgence or a post-dinner aperitif -- I can go weeks without a drink and not feel terribly deprived -- but I definitely enjoy a good craft cocktail when out with friends or when hosting people in my home. I’m excited to add this back in mostly because it means my social life will be taking an upward turn -- I have been SUPER boring for the past three weeks. :-)

If you’ve read this far, I’m really impressed. Brevity is not my strong suit, and especially not when describing an up-and-down physical, mental, AND emotional journey of several years’ duration. The bottom line is that I feel very lucky to have finally rediscovered so many healthy habits, and to be seeing corresponding progress both on the scale and in the gym. I finally feel like I ‘recognize’ the person in the mirror again, in an invisible as well as physical sense. This has been a tumultuous couple of years, and to be entering a period of relative calm and stability is MORE than welcome. I’m still a little anxious about what may happen in ten days (especially since I have a 9-day international trip starting literally two days after the W30 ends!)... but on a gut level, I feel like I’m going to be okay. It took a long time to fall as far as I did, and it will take some more time for these new patterns to be fully cemented, but I’ve been here before; I have a road map, and I know how to do this.

...Now, off to prep some tilapia and asparagus. Ten days to go!

#Whole30 #nutrition #CrossFit #paleo #habits #challenge #progress

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