#rip Janets most loving romantic relationship

[ancienttragedies]

Okay i hate the ending of Janet king. Like literally what viewer cares about pearl more than the number of other storylines that ended badly 💔💔💔

[seancamerons]

i am sooooooooooooooooooooo glad finally the world is seeing what scum justin is. he profitted off slandering women. multiple women. unfaithful, scummy, cultural appropriating and made a career off of ripping off michael jackson. the beatboxin', the improvizational vocal styling, the layered tracks, the dancing, the slandering his 'crazy' exes, the luxury he must've had.

must be nice. what a little cry baby bitch boy. what goes around comes around, like it's a friggin boomerang. ew. it takes two to tango, you're the one with the victim mentality. a class act, and i mean that in the most downright low down way i can muster. he is horrible. the absolute worst. he did the women in his life so dirty, it's never his fault, god forbid. pathetic.

boo fuckin' hoo, your anniverary was interrupted by your own dirty laundry, so what? what else is new, besides the fact you slandered britney. you threw janet and her 20 year (at the time) career under a bus. idk what he else he did, but he also cheated on jessica "let's evolve" biel, but that's not about her but, bold words for someone who took back their scoundrel, cheating ex boyfriend who cheated on her. i guess she likes sloppy seconds, they seem like they're so great. must be nice, once again. even if he has the upper hand, or control of the narrative or had it for, oh wait, oh about 20 years.

you know what the ex, the puppy love turned real, your childhood love, arguably the once 'love of his fucking life', in a romantic sense best friend, the girl jt was so into that he apparently was about to give her his name, and you do her dirty? dude, you can be so dumb, sure it was a sly dick move, but damn. that says way more about him that it be about her. life hands you lemons, you blame others and squeeze the juice in their wounds, liar liar liar.

so justin, while britney nursed a broken heart and had to grapple with a decision you issued this 'ultimatium' whatever, you didn't say you were gonna be respectful? i imagine they probably talked beyond the text to be like, whatever it's done closure for the pair, par for the course. when you were the first to be cruel, you were the aggressor, you were the liar, you weaved this narrative that it was ALL her. remember this, there's not a relationship with you, there's the other half, who should be your 'better' half, who was miles humble and sweet compared to him.

not to be all will smith or nothin' but keep her name out your fucking mouth if you have nothing good to say, that goes for everyone. like who are people who don't work, have retail, food service, regular people jobs with regular people problems, middle class judging a woman who makes money when she shits, sleeps, eats, dances and posts videos on instgram. why is it such a thing as to have silence in the peanut gallery in regards. "it would never happen to anyone" sure, jan. keep sippin't he coolade. cool.

so weird flex, idk. i'm glad i never bought into "big bad britney" the worst girl, the delinquent deviant, the seductress Jezabelle manipulator, evil woman, ice, stone what have them, there's always gonna be haters, but like f that. I'm on the right side here, not that it's a contest, race, spill tea, money grab whatever. idc who you are, but britney should be referred to as someone who isn't a tabloid joke, but a survivor with resilience and humility and someone who had unrealistic sometimes or big dreams but never really gave up completely even if times were shitty. she always had things to live for, and to do, but some f the things she endured were totally beyond her control.

she was very much chewed up and spit out. adored and then hated, and all the people going, "oh i had no idea, i feel so bad" i really think it comes too little too late, because for years i always assumed there was a lot we didn't know, and that wasn't really anyone, especially her family who treat her like a prized racehorse or cash cow, and not a human.

for 13 years, almost 15 years, she was a second-class citizen in her own home, a literal prisoner, she had zero say in anything. she couldn't drive or vote for a president/elected official. she was unjustly put under a hold that turned into a little over quarter of a decade imprisoned, her civil rights were infringed upon. yes that is something to share that must burden her, sometimes the truth is something that will set her free. her speaking i believe, equates to her healing. i know i said i wouldn't say things about this until i finished up the woman in me memoir, but i can't keep this from coming out.

it's just for once, this girl can catch a break and do what she loves. she speaks very candidly on her fans who she appreciates even at her lowest point, even if she wasn't necessarily 'running the show', she still had personality, passion and intensity that will keep her 'youthful' in the eyes of the world forever. her legacy is so strong, and i hate that it'd been marred by lies for years. slanderous, sensationalized journalism and south park, punch lines, digs, and general biased hate from other fans of pop (tbh all genres) music and more. if beyonce did any of the things briney did they'd (general public) turn their back too or they'd fight for her just as strong as barmy/fandoms related to britney spears/fans of other artists. some artists could get away with literal killing or unaliving someone, and britney would be like going to prison or some mental hospital for LIFE locked up till the 12th of never to be released and her family would assume control and she would die in literal captivity. people act like jamie was looking for brit's

his meal ticket, of course. of course she's married this guy who (i will say he takes care of mostly if not all of his multiple children with more than one mother, not that there's anything wrong with having biracial or even children who are from different mothers. out of his idk how many kids, he has 2 children with britney from when they were married for roughly three years who don't speak to her because they'd been fed this narrative for so long they see no different. federline literally implies she's nuts, so she's not credible so people find her narrative to be false, or use the rhetoric she has mental illness, while that could be something, if she didn't have dementia or some schizoaffective or bipolar diagnosis, well well, she might have some horrible version of post-traumatic stress disorder. everything i'd expected and even things i didn't know or weren't confirmed officially at any time are being corroborated like i didn't want to be right, but i was so on it and everyone thinks she's crazy, and gaslit, enabled this farce of a conservatorship, she needed to be taught how to be an adult, and her family mainly jamie failed her by making every decision for 13 years for her.

i was also ranting that, what kind of crappy luck to have a sister like who ignored her pleas, saw her struggle, and didn't do shit to help her, but freely went on dancing with the stars, the special corps for money grabs, looks so desperate.

she (jamie lynn) wouldn't even be a name out here if she didn't have a sister who was like it or not, britney spears. similar to the plight of ashlee simpson (jessica was the more 'famous' popstar sister, famously had a reality show with her ex-husband nick lachey in 2003 until 2005 or so which the show seemed to seemingly caused them to split by late 2005/2006) , nick & aaron carter (he was the 'kid' brother of one of the lead singers of the backstreet boys, famously dated paris hitlon, was accused by a former girllbander from the girlgroup in 2000-2001 dream.) if my sis was being talked neg about or was being infringed of her citizens rights, i rest my case. i'd go the f off!

i mean let's be serious for a sec, there was so much SO MUCH animosity and jealousy and "living in the shadow" or being "less famous" or too young to remember when things were normal in their families. ashlee simpson famously had a song called 'shadow' (Autobiography, 2004) not to be confused britney spears' "shadow" (In the Zone, 2003)

i do not sympathize with her. in wise the words of mean girl janis ian. listen up.

As Janis Ian once said, "There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it."

[sapphicscholar]

For the fandom asks…this is going to be an out-of-nowhere choice…Hacks! Haha. And also feel free to answer these for any other fandom you’d like! I love reading stuff like this. :)

Heheh thank ya thank ya!

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Deborah Vance

Least Favorite character: narrative-wise, the mayor (she just doesn't add anything even if she's fun! sorry jo!)

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Ava/Deborah, Ava/Ruby, Deborah/Susan - anything else is mostly just a "yeah I could see this one night stand being a blast!" (e.g., Deborah/her psychic or Janet; Ava/Weed)

Character I find most attractive: Deborah

Character I would marry: tbh Ruby! Love writing about Ava and Deborah but couldn't be paid to marry either of 'em!

Character I would be best friends with: Wilson - we can go rock climbing together :)

a random thought: one day I'll get back to my fic writing...

An unpopular opinion: SO MANY but we'll stick with thinking Ava and Ruby could work out in the future now that Ava has grown as a person (and now that Ruby has seen that growth outside of the context of a romantic relationship, which I think is really important to internalizing it as a real, self-driven, lasting change)

My Canon OTP: I don't think there actually ARE any canon ships at the moment?? which is kind of amazing! Love that for them

My Non-canon OTP: Ava/Deborah

Most Badass Character: Deborah - it takes a LOT to come back from all the shit she went through and claw her way back into a life she could be proud of (and then to do it again with Ava)

Most Epic Villain: "death, taxes, and that fucking guy"

Pairing I am not a fan of: Deborah/Marty (though I actually can understand what it is that draws them to each other)

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): season 2 Ava! RIP my brash asshole (it was a writing choice I could have understood if they'd made Deborah angrier about the email or really nailed down the consequences - some reason for having Ava be so cowed; instead she went from cowed to just friends with Deborah without much narrative clarity, and a lot of what made Ava such a fun spitfire to write and see sparking against Deborah fell to the wayside)

Favourite Friendship: I like the idea of Marcus and Wilson being friends! I hope they get to enjoy that space together :)

Character I most identify with: Marcus

Character I wish I could be: I could use more of Josefina's vibes in my life tbh

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

can you give me drowsy headcanons, ramble, or anything please, i am so deprived. do not be afraid to make it super long, the more the better, i just love drowsy chaperone and love to hear other people (plus you’re one of the only people i’ve seen who knows a lot abt it)

ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE

I’ll divide this into a few different parts, going from least to most excruciatingly sad :)

1. general headcanons

2. in canon things i noticed and think about daily

3. a full analysis of man in chair’s connections with the drowsy chaperone as an in universe show (trigger warning for abuse ment, alcoholism ment, suicide ment)

SECTION ONE: HEADCANONS

- okay the chaperone is trans I don’t make the rules

- also her name is ambrosia :) she forsook her last name :)

- she’s about 12 years older than janet and kinda hung with janet’s family after leaving her own for a while . essentially she’s a big sister to janet

- aldolpho has some lines where he asks if the bride is big and/or burly and while in canon this is supposed to show he’s kind of a womanizer I like to believe it’s because he was fully prepared to fight her if needed

- speaking of which Of Course janet is ripped she does gymnastics

- my batshit crazy headcanon for this show is that dee dee allen from the prom is a descendant of roman bartelli no I will not elaborate

- is aldolpho one of those bitches with pets that definitely shouldn’t be legal? yessir

- post show kitty becomes a star okay I just want her to be happy

- the “pastry chefs” do discover a love of baking post show and now run a shop along with performing in feldzeig’s follies which might maybe be a front for some crime too

- TRIX DROWSY AND ALDOLPHO WORLD TRAVELING POLYCULE CAUSING PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE

- underling’s name is james I will not elaborate on this either

- show never says what trix does so I’ve decided she’s an explorer. she charts maps and punches colonialists and drags her stupid friends along with her, the only bitch in the show with a braincell

- drowsy was a former vaudeville child star pre transition - she left the business but was a mentor to janet

- I do have a headcanon for mic’s name but in the spirit of every actor who’s ever played him I won’t fucking tell

SECTION TWO: SHIT I NOTICED

- robert refers to himself by full name a lot of the time which is v interesting given he’s named after the writer, bob martin (whose wife is also named janet van de graaf). the real bob martin is like five feet away at all times playing mic

- idk how to describe it but the dynamic kitty and feldzeig (VICTOR felgzeig. we have a name from one (1) line) have when talking to each other is so snappy and funny and good

- aldolpho’s lines in spanish are mostly romantic bullshit but his first one hints that he has/had a wife who, if we’re taking the translation literally, refused to touch him. yeah I’ll bring this up in analysis

- the “pastry chefs” provide liquor for the wedding even though it has absolutely no relevance to their mission of stopping it :)

- drowsy is like. SUPER endearing towards janet and despite her bad social skills it’s super clear she cares a lot about her

- robert speaks fluent french apparently

- everyone says “ew” after aldolpho reveals his affair with drowsy despite her being a certified milf

- the body language of drowsy in the end of the show where she takes mic’s hands and breaks the barrier between reality and fiction is just so good. she was iconic the whole show but I honestly think this final bit is what won beth leavel the Tony in the end

SECTION THREE: OH NO

before diving into the way the drowsy chaperone affects his character, we need to understand what exactly it’s playing off of. to fully understand mic’s attachment to the drowsy chaperone, we need to outline what led him to isolating himself and living in fiction to the extent that he does.

mic’s father left his family at an early age and his semi estranged alcoholic mother was the one who began his love for theatre. mic grew up in a broken household and eventually moved on to land in a one sided marriage, which lasted a few months until he slipped up and expressed his discomfort with the situation, after which he and his wife split. nowadays, he lives alone in his apartment surrounded by records he uses to escape to a better life - his favorite of which being the one his mother gave him, the drowsy chaperone.

symbolism in the drowsy chaperone regarding mic’s life can be split into two main categories - mommy issues and internalized homophobia. there isn’t nearly as much mom symbolism as there is the latter, so I’ll cover that first.

drowsy covers both bases, but she definitely has some undeniable mom symbolism going on. drowsy marries aldolpho and mom dreams of being swept off her feet by a latin lover, both feel they’ve wasted their chances at love, both drink to forget, etc. this is where the idea of the drowsy chaperone being mic’s ideal way for things to work out, a positive parallel, comes into play. given that we don’t hear too much about mic’s mom other than her connections to major life events and the record itself, we can assume they grew apart in one way or another. the key difference is that drowsy finds a happy relationship for herself and retains her bond with janet, unlike what we’re led to assume mom was like.

further elaborating on the drowsy chaperone representing mic’s ideal fantasy version of events is the wedding the drowsy chaperone’s plot centers around. here’s a list of the things that didn’t stop that damn wedding:

- a minister not showing up

- the groom cheating on the bride with the bride

- the bride having a complete mental breakdown

- indirect mafia interference

- direct mafia interference

on the flip side, what little mic says about his wedding indicates it sucked absolute ass. he spent the entire ceremony in internal distress as he went through with a life changing event he, at that point, knew at least a bit that he didn’t want. I think he also implies he had severe diarrhea on the wedding day? it gets worse when you realize mic’s relationship before the wedding wasn’t any good for him either - he was playing along the whole time because it would be cruel not to, right?

throughout the show, mic is pretty clearly shown as an extremely repressed gay man. there are five specific instances that point at romantic and/or sexual attraction to men directly and another moment outside of his commentary that pretty much confirms it if you look a little bit deeper. thus, here is what I propose - to mic, the drowsy chaperone’s wedding plot represents a world where he was able to ignore that part of himself and have a happy marriage with his wife despite all the overwhelming obstacles thrown at him. however, bits and pieces of that internalized homophobia manage to show themselves throughout the drowsy chaperone anyway despite its happy ending. here’s a rundown on a few significant instances:

- by the end of the show, the “pastry chefs”, who had literally been planning to kill feldzeig, have left their life of crime to perform with him. this symbolizes how in mic’s ideal world he would have been able to turn away from what he perceived at the time as living wrongly - his homosexuality

- at the same time, the “pastry chefs” have this line, spoken in regards to janet: “if she gets married and leaves the show... there ain’t no show.” this is a take on mic’s subconscious concern that he might lose himself if he goes on with his marriage pretending everything is alright - of course, as we already know, he doesn’t listen

- “cold feets” is a pretty obvious instance of mic’s hesitation

- aldolpho’s line in spanish regarding the wife who won’t touch him flips to reflect on mic’s treatment of his own ex wife - she was alien to him as a lover, just as aldolpho was to this woman

- janet recalls her meeting robert at a point in the show and states “we spooned, briefly, then he proposed.” though mic’s relationship pre marriage was much longer than that, it must have felt that way to him - just as quick and nonsensical as janet describes

- just as janet is caught in showbiz but has a toxic love for it, so does mic with his own repressed life

- janet has a line in “show off” that alludes to her experiencing harassment/assault: “I don’t wanna be cheered no more/ praised no more/ grabbed no more/ touched no more/ loved no more” , which I believe represents the way mic perceived his intimacy with his wife - labeled as love yet unenjoyable for him

- “I look into his eyes... I get all woozy. and that’s... love, isn’t it?” is another very clear nod to mic’s misconception of love based off the only thing he’s ever experienced, relationships with women he’s had to fake

- this is the part where I tell you the lyrics to toledo surprise are a metaphor for actively suppressing gay thoughts. I’ll just leave you with “if it tries to rise; don’t let it”. these lyrics are not comprehensive enough to make a dish - trust me, I have tried. it’s also notable that they serve a double entendre as instructions on how to beat the shit out of someone, but several lyrics are also directed towards the singer/audience. for example: “it’s a snap/ try it folks/ whip your whites/ split your yolks” is an easy metaphor for the unhealthy mental gymnastics required to repress oneself so wholeheartedly

it’s also worth noting the obvious just for the sake of it - mic copes with all this by isolating himself in a safe spot where he can use musicals to escape and live his ideal fantasy, even if it’s only for a short time. there are plenty of nods to this throughout the drowsy chaperone as well. in “as we stumble along” drowsy notes that “the best that we can do is hope a bluebird/ will sing a song/ as we stumble along” - to mic, musicals are his bluebird. while mic mostly indulges in these fantasies, he knows to a certain extent the sheer amount of time he’s spending in them is unhealthy. the first line of the show is “I hate theatre” and I think that to an extent? he does. obviously mic loves theatre as a concept, that can’t be denied. what he hates is the way he’s allowed it to confine him.

with all that out of the way, let’s move on to the most important moment of the show. if you’ve ever seen the show, you’ll know exactly which scene I’m talking about immediately. I’m referring to, of course, the infamous “l-ve while you can” scene. as janet stands at the alter she asks drowsy for one final word of advice, which is partially obscured by aldolpho dropping his cane. “l-ve while you can.” it’s a simple moment, but mic reveals to us that he’s been agonizing over it for years - did drowsy say “live” or “leave”? it occurs to everyone eventually, whether a couple days after the show like with me, or years after like with bob martin’s replacement on broadway that the most likely answer is that she had said “love while you can”. it’s this moment, when you realize why mic had never seen that as an option, that the drowsy chaperone’s status as a musical within a comedy within a tragedy is solidified. mic had no love in his life - his parents hated each other and he was forcing himself into relationships in which he felt nothing. to him, living and leaving were options, but loving never was. so he locked himself away.

as the final note on the record is playing, all power in mic’s apartment shuts down and the fantasy is ruined. the superintendent arrives and further invades his space, breaking the private sanctity he had built up for so long. she fixes the power and before mic can stop it from happening, the final note of the record plays. and the super recognizes it as a musical. she makes a remark about how much her wife loves musicals and leaves, completely unaware of what she’s just done.

mic sits in silence for a while. and then he begins to sing. gradually, the cast members begin to echo their songs, dancing around him but never touching him. then drowsy appears and sings harmony to mic. and she takes his hands. the show ends with the entire cast, including mic, taking off on trix’s airplane as the curtain falls, drowsy handing mic his record as the plane takes off.

some people interpret the ending as mic committing suicide, finally deciding between live and leave. I don’t personally believe that and neither does writer and original mic bob martin, but it’s still a valid interpretation. the drowsy chaperone’s ending is ambiguous, yes, but not to that extent. no matter what you believe the ending means, it was brought on not by the interruption of the fantasy, but by whatever realization the super’s remark about her wife triggered. as I see it, there are two main options here.

option one - mic realizes he still has time to live and to love. when he was younger the prospect of living as himself was unthinkable to him, yet now he sees that while he was spending countless years alone the world grew. drowsy offers mic her hand, an invitation to finally become what he had admired in her - someone who isn’t anywhere near perfect, but is damn well trying and living life without regret. he accepts.

option two - mic realizes that while he spent years alone the world moved on without him and he’s isolated himself so much from social interaction that he’d no longer be able to make a meaningful connection with anyone outside. so he stays inside instead, never trying, always trapped between live and leave. drowsy offers mic her hand - at least he’ll have a tune to carry with him.

I really want to believe we got option one. I think option one is the intended, really, given mic ends the show with a joyful goodbye to the audience. but the way that the ending is still left open for interpretation makes it so that we can never really know - we as the audience only get to be privy to a small part of mic’s life, and we don’t get the answers we want because at the end of the day they’re irrelevant to us - all we can do is make our own choice.

[theinkquiry]

Popular | Chapter 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Avenger!Reader

Prompt: Tony has made a bet to see who could end up with the most fans, out of the Avengers, by the end of the month. Bucky takes it just to piss Sam off and Reader really wants to prove that she isn’t the least popular. Bucky and Reader team up to be a fake couple in order to beat the other Avengers, agreeing to split the prize at the end. Will it all work out?

A/N: Part three! Hopefully not too late. Buckle up kids, because after this we’re kicking into some more plot and drama. 

Warnings: Cliches. Cliches everywhere. 

Series Masterlist

Sam’s Problem

"Guess this is goodnight," Bucky said. You grinned up at him, eyes a little droopy from the exhausting day.

"Goodnight, Buck. Thanks for the date." You winked. Bucky surprised you with a small wave. You chuckled to yourself, returning the notion.

You collapsed onto your bed, letting out a groan. You hadn't realized it in the restaurant, but fake dating was exhausting. Your feet felt swollen from being stuffed into heels all night. Not to mention your sudden shortness of breath. You coughed once before ripping off your shoes. Showering could wait.

You hastily changed into sleep clothes, your dress tossed onto a nearby chair that was already full of other clothes. You'd find space in your closet another day. Pulling your blankets up higher, you made a noise of content. This was going so perfectly. No doubt you attracted a lot of attention. You could only imagine what the headlines would say tomorrow. Bucky was amazing at pretending to be into you. Maybe, just maybe, this would end with you guys becoming better friends.

You almost couldn't fall asleep with how nervous, yet excited you were at what tomorrow would hold. Key word being almost. You knocked out after a few minutes.

You didn't have any dreams last night, only faint memories of the previous evening. In your half awake state, you could still hear Janet's questions and the low, deep murmurs of Bucky's voice. You tried opening your eyes, but exhaustion kept pulling you back under. Maybe just a few more minutes...

"Ah!" A ding, followed by short vibrations made you shoot up. You rubbed a hand over your face and blindly grabbed at your phone. Eyes still adjusting to the light, you managed to see the single notification on your phone.

Coming down in five minutes 😉 -Bucky

Five minutes? You stretched your arms and begrudgingly tossed off your warm blankets. It was time to see the rewards of yesterday's hard work. You pulled on a hoodie and appropriate pants before racing to the bathroom to get ready. You settle for just washing your face and brushing your hair. One look in the mirror says "I think we should be comfortable seeing each other like this, but I'm not quite ready to show you how bad morning me really looks."

Right on cue as you walked out, the elevator arrived to reveal your beloved fake boyfriend. He didn't seem half as tired as you.

"How are you up and ready so fast?" You ask.

"Come on doll, we're super soldiers. I was up a few hours ago for some exercise," he explained.

You cringed. "You can cross that off our list of date ideas." You yawn, making him chuckle at your sleepy antics. "What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you either be showering or eating?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Bucky folded his arms. You wave him off and hop in the elevator. "Come on, I wanna see the results already. Better be worth it for you waking me up at..."

"Nine forty," he answered. He followed you into the elevator and pressed the stop for the communal lounge.

"Already?" you whined. You pout and lean your head against Bucky's shoulder, closing your eyes. "Wake me up when we're down."

Not two seconds later, "we're here!"

The door glided open, revealing the much brighter and much louder living room. "Ugh.." you grumble. You shuffled out slowly and made your way to the coffee machine.

"Well, looks like the new couple is downstairs," Sam announced. You both turned to look at him. "But I see according to this article that you've been dating for months now?" A copy of Star Magazine was held up. The entire front page was you and Bucky at the diner laughing while being surrounded by glittering chandeliers and bustling waiters.

How did the team get their hands on so many magazines so quickly anyway?

"We..." Bucky began.

"And you were so kind as to grant E Weekly an interview too?" Sam started flipping through the pages. "Look at this, look at this. We have secret dates...disguises...all that nonsense."

"Bucky, is all this true?" Steve speaks up. His eyes held concern, and you saw Bucky almost give in.

"Y-yeah.." he admitted. His hand went to scratch the back of his head sheepishly. "We just wanted to lay low for a little while."

"It's nothing personal, we swear," you add.

"Why now?" Nat comes in, not believing a single word. "You answer to the media, but not us? Seems a little suspicious."

You bit your lip and looked at your partner-in-crime, but he didn't look any more confident than you. "Well, we were kind of..."

"Cornered. At the restaurant." Bucky finished your sentence. You try and exhale your gratitude without making it too obvious. You covered up any chinks in the armor with nods and agreements. "It just felt like the right time, but we didn't plan on any of this happening."

"With the summer stalemate and lack of missions, I suppose it did feel like a good time to reveal-" you wrapped an arm around his waist- "us." You gave him a squeeze just for good measure, hoping your mutual smiles were enough to convince the team.

It wasn't. Sam's eyebrow has never been raised higher even counting when Bucky claimed that it was, in fact, he who was Steve's best friend. "This the best proof you got?" Even Steve tossed the magazine on the table and gave you both dubious looks. You tried your best not to nibble your cheek to dust and looked to Bucky for answers. All he could do was shrug.

"What is going on?" The doors opened once more to reveal Wanda and Vision.

Vision answered before anyone else could. "It appears that Bucky and Y/N have entered a relationship, based on my observations, and that magazine over there."

Wanda gave out a squeal and rushed to pick up the article. "Oh my, you two look so romantic in this picture. It is just like in the movies! Especially the romantic ones that take place in New York, which there are surprisingly a lot of. Just look at your dress!" She held up the shot giddily.

"Heh, knew that it would look good under those lights." You playfully elbowed Bucky.

"You only told me ten times on the way over," he replied sarcastically.

Wanda was enthralled with the reading. "It appears that James and Y/N were carrying out a daring secret romance under the radar of even their fellow Avengers. This reporter, for one, is lucky to have caught them at just the right time. Upon further questioning, the sweet couple admitted it was about time to come out of hiding. We are very excited to find out more about the newest star couple! There are sure to be more updates next week. Entertainment Weekly, Janet Howards."

She rushed over and gave you both a tight hug. "I'm so so happy for you guys!"

"Woah, you really believe them?" Nat asked.

"Come on, Natasha. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt. It's about time some good news rolled around anyway." Steve came over just as Wanda released you from her hug of death. He clapped Bucky on the back. "I knew you still had that old charm in you."

Seeing Steve so grateful to have a glimpse of his old friend back made you feel a little guilty. After all, there was an inevitable break-up that would no doubt make a lot of people upset. And how was poor Wanda going to take it? She was already so elated to find out that you got together.

Sam scoffed. "So right as we got this contest running, all of a sudden you're the 'star couple'? What a lucky boost to your-"

"Scores!" Tony burst in, singing the word. "Now, usually I wouldn't be in such a hurry to check on how you all have no doubt improved society, but the system has informed me that we have some drastic shift in numbers." And with the push of a button, the scores were up.

You couldn't believe it. You jumped up a whole three places, along with Bucky! There were some minor shifts. Wanda beat out Thor, probably thanks to her fun day out with friends yesterday. Clint was out on a mission, but Nat still hasn't upped him quite yet. Vision was stuck last place, but you were sixth! Just below top five. You glanced at Bucky, who gave you a knowing wink.

"So, you believe all this stuff about them dating?" Nat asked innocently enough.

"Listen, I never said I didn't. Enough with the questions already. This is supposed to be a fun competition! Where is your competitive spirit? I'm the one paying for all this stuff anyway," Tony ranted.

"Well, you were the one who initiated the competition-" Vision pointed out.

"You all should be grateful." Tony interrupted.

"It's not like they completely overtook first place," Wanda said.

"Yet," Sam muttered angrily.

"Looks like the rest of you have some catching up to do. Tick tock!" Tony tapped his watch. As swiftly as he came, he left. The room was abuzz with chatter.

"Alright. That is it. I don't believe any of this bull-" Sam cut himself off after Steve gave him a stern look. "I just need more proof. I might not be a love expert, but I think I know what's real. And you two, aren't convincing me of anything."

"You're just upset that I'm going to beat you," Bucky taunted.

"I'd like to see you try," Sam got up from his chair.

You stepped in between them. "Calm down, Sam. This isn't cool."

Sam glared. "Like this entire situation is just so cool, right?"

"That's enough!" Wanda shouted. The whole room froze and looked at her. "I know how to settle this. Bucky and Y/N. To prove your love, you need to kiss!"

You almost choked on the air. "I'm sorry, why again?"

Sam laughed. "So now you're all shy, huh? I'm telling you, they're a hoax."

"You leave her out of this," Bucky demanded, stepping up closer to Sam. You grabbed Bucky's arm and tugged him back. He looked behind, confused.

"Let's just do it, Bucky. They're obviously not going to leave us alone otherwise." You mumble. Bucky looked around the room. Everyone's eyes were trained on you. It was uncomfortable, but it wouldn't stop unless there was a satisfying conclusion to this morning's drama.

"Fine." Bucky wrapped you up in his arms and kissed you before you could even process what was going on. You shut your eyes and tried to relax. It wasn't that hard the way Bucky gave all his emotions into the kiss. He was frustrated and clearly needed to let out some steam before he punched Sam in the face again. You just leaned back and decided that Bucky Barnes, no matter how old he technically was, is still a great kisser.

As he pulled away, you felt a little light-headed. "Woah."

"Woah," Steve repeated. He looked at Sam expectantly.

"Happy now?" Bucky asked, still trying to vaporize Sam with his eyes.

"For now," Sam stared back. You were afraid something might start up again. Quickly grabbing a few muffins from the table, you held Bucky's hand and directed him back to the elevator.

"We're going back upstairs before I have to further embarrass myself in front of the public. Good day," you inform everyone. As the steel doors closed once more, you rubbed your head.

"I'm so sorry, doll," Bucky rubbed his thumb over your hand absentmindedly. "Sam is an annoying pain in the ass."

"It's fine, Bucky." You reassure him similarly by hugging his side. "Just close your eyes and dream about that sweet sweet prize. Sam in a gigantic loser shirt. And hopefully, a giant penthouse suite for me," you chuckle.

You feel the vibrations of Bucky's laughter through the hug. You looked up at him. It was strangely cute how he hunched over a little and smiled until his eyes squinted to thin lines. Although that was the tensest moment you've felt for a while, just laughing it out in the elevator was as real as it could get.

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[obtusemedia]

Top 25 songs of 2019: Honorable Mentions

In 2019 — a commendable year to close out the decade, musically speaking — Gen Z’s budding stars fully arrived, while long-time stalwarts created some of the best work of their careers. There weren’t any albums that threatened the top of my decade-end chart, but the year still delivered a crop of solid records in a variety of genres.

This year, I’m doing my year-end list a bit early, because I plan on releasing my decade-end list around New Year’s. So before we do that, let’s kick off the celebration of 2019 with 15 great songs, listed in alphabetical order by artist, that just missed the top-25 cut off.

“People” by The 1975

Manchester pop-rock geniuses The 1975 have already dabbled in almost every genre under the sun. So a sharp pivot into near-screamo punk rock seemed inevitable.

“People” isn’t my favorite song of theirs — the best version of The 1975 is when they’re fully in ‘80s synthpop mode — but it’s still very effective. The crunchy, thrashing guitars fit perfectly with Matty Healy’s off-kilter vocals and apocalyptic lyrics. In a way, “People” is a sequel to their generation-defining 2018 single, “Love It If We Made It.” But while that song is anxious, the main emotion in “People” is fury. And it’s not hard to miss the message, as Healy screams it in the chorus: “STOP FUCKING WITH THE KIDS.”

“Baby Boy” by Kevin Abstract

BROCKHAMPTON’s boy-band/hip-hop collective is too chaotic to have a true frontman. But if there is one, it would be Kevin Abstract. And the Texan rapper/singer’s 2019 solo album, ARIZONA BABY, was a stellar showcase of his talent.

“Baby Boy,” a cooing, soft love ballad, is the record’s best track. Between the gorgeous melodies and the left-of-center production and singing, it seems destined for the soundtrack of a quirky rom-com. And it’s nice to hear Abstract flex his R&B chops.

“Everybody Here Hates You” by Courtney Barnett

This loosie single by Melbourne’s finest indie rocker is classic Courtney Barnett. All the ingredients are there: deserty guitars, a shuffling groove, and Barnett charmingly speak-singing her sardonic lyrics. Barnett’s clearly notched a lane for herself with “Everybody Here Hates You.” And frankly, if she never leaves it and keeps making solid songs like this, I wouldn’t mind.

“Twist The Knife” by Chromatics

Speaking of consistently excelling in your specific soundscape — here’s Chromatics! “Twist The Knife” has all the off-key synths, ghostly Ruth Radelet vocals and general nocturnal, cinematic sound you’d want from the mysterious group. Perhaps the one major difference is the thumping, 808-heavy disco beat. But, like with Barnett, Chromatics’ sound is solidified by this point. And luckily, they’re still the masters at soundtracking nighttime drives.

“Arabesque” by Coldplay

Coldplay returned this fall with two singles. One was “Orphans,” which had a conventional Coldplay sound (sing-along chorus! aggressive perkiness!) to contrast with an unconventional Coldplay topic (refugees). 

The other was “Arabesque,” which sounds like nothing Coldplay have ever done before. It’s got a hard-hitting Afropop beat, a French interlude, Chris Martin dropping the f-bomb, and most amazingly, a sax solo that’s nearly two minutes long. It’s a weird, jazzy detour for the group — and it’s incredible.

“Falling” by Dude York

Seattle indie rockers Dude York wrote a song about a topic you don’t hear much often in music: romantic complacency. The couple in “Falling” isn’t a bad one — lead singer Claire England makes it clear that she’s having a great time. But she also calls the relationship “practical,” and describes it as a very casual, low-stakes romance. “Falling” brings up the question many long-term couples ask themselves: Weren’t there supposed to be butterflies? Is it bad if our relationship is more cozy than passionate? It’s an intriguing subject, backed by killer rock production.

“Tough Enough” by Ex Hex

Ex Hex’s sound is knowingly old-school. The rip-roaring El Camino-rock of “Tough Enough” could’ve easily been a Pat Benatar or Joan Jett single in the early ‘80s. And that’s what makes it great — who doesn’t love Joan Jett? “Tough Enough” isn’t something you have to think too hard about; it just kicks ass.

“Summer Girl” by HAIM

Asking HAIM to give you a sleek retro-pop song is like asking Spoon to give you a nervy indie rock single: they’ll deliver the goods. But the San Fernando Valley sisters gave their formula a few tweaks with “Summer Girl,” their best single since their 2013 debut.

Instead of their typically slick production, HAIM opted for a barebone, funky ‘70s groove. The vocals rarely go above a whisper. And the most prominent element of the song is a honking sax riff, which sounds like it comes straight from A Tribe Called Quest song. But all these changes don’t erase HAIM’s strongest quality: their solid-gold hooks. And you’ll be humming that doo-doo-do-do-doo chorus for days after hearing “Summer Girl.”

“Nice To Meet Ya” by Niall Horan

I had no expectations for former One Direction member Niall Horan’s new single this year. I didn’t love his previous white-guy-with-acoustic-guitar style, so I didn’t plan on enjoying his new stuff.

But “Nice To Meet Ya” thankfully ditches the acoustic guitar. It’s an extremely late-‘90s breakbeat banger. It’s less Ed Sheeran and more classic Robbie Williams. The song it really reminds me of is Republica’s deathless jock-jam classic “Ready To Go” — all propulsive energy and power. “Nice To Meet Ya” is a bit less aggressive, but it’s still a ton of fun and shows that Harry Styles isn’t the only One Direction alum that can produce a great solo track.

“Hey, Ma” by Bon Iver

At this point, Bon Iver can write these beardy arena-folk anthems in his sleep. But that doesn’t make “Hey, Ma” any less of a great update of that song. Amidst the occasional synth bloop and awkward Boomer-esque weed references (not sure anyone’s unironically said “toking on dope” in a while), the single features one of Justin Vernon’s greatest melodies. If anyone’s wondering how Bon Iver became one of the decade’s premier indie acts, the soaring chorus and powerful melody of “Hey, Ma” is an indicative example.

“Juice” by Lizzo

If it weren’t for a certain baggy clothes-wearing teen, Lizzo would’ve easily been 2019′s biggest breakout artist. But although “Good As Hell” and “Truth Hurts” were her biggest hits, those two songs came out way before 2019. Out of the songs that the Minneapolis popstar actually released this year, “Juice” is the perfect demonstration of her irrepressible charisma.

“Juice” is the best-possible combination of Bruno Mars’ retro-funk exercises and a defiant Kelly Clarkson anthem. Lizzo sounds like the most confident, extroverted person on the planet, slyly bragging about her and her friends’ prowess. It’s not quite on the level of “Uptown Funk,” but “Juice” is still too fun to resist.

“Sucker Punch” by Sigrid

“Sucker Punch” is just the latest edition of a wonderful musical tradition: the sleek, icy Swedish pop song! Wait...*checks notes* turns out Sigrid is actually Norwegian. A country that has less ABBA-style pop and more death metal.

But regardless of what part of Scandinavia she’s from, Sigrid’s “Sucker Punch” is still a textbook-perfect bubblegum single. With its bouncy vibe and explosive chorus, it almost sounds like a lost hit from 2011 or 2012 — a golden age for pop. Sigrid’s thick accent and energy just adds to the charm. Old-school synthpop isn’t in vogue anymore, but at least Sigrid is keeping it alive for now.

“Hurry On Home” by Sleater-Kinney

2019 was not Sleater-Kinney’s best year. The Olympia indie legends’ new album, The Center Won’t Hold, received lukewarm reviews. The momentum from their 2015 reunion was mostly sapped. And most critically, longtime drummer Janet Weiss, one of the best in the biz, quit abruptly, saying she was essentially told that she was no longer a “creative equal” in the group.

But at least the trio delivered one stone-cold Sleater-Kinney classic single before they imploded. “Hurry On Home” is a sleazy, thunderous hard rock jam that would’ve snugly fit on their last album, No Cities To Love. It’s got a bit more of a robotic groove, thanks to producer St. Vincent, but the crunchy guitars are still there. Carrie Brownstein’s sardonic vocals are still there. And that trademark Sleater-Kinney intensity is absolutely still there.

“Superbike” by Jay Som

Jay Som’s stellar 2017 debut album, Everybody Works, dabbled in dream pop, but also dipped its toes into many other subgenres. But the lead single of her sophomore album, “Superbike,” is pure hazy ecstasy.

“Superbike” has a bit of Alvvays in its DNA, particularly in the atmospheric guitars and whispered vocals. But Melina Duterte added a bit more California bliss to that formula. The track sounds like the soundtrack to a tranquil jog down the beach, with the sunrise in the background.

“God Is” by Kanye West

Kanye West can’t sing. He’s warbly and incredibly off-key. And that’s why I love it when he genuinely tries to do so.

Jesus Is King is a mediocre, one-note first draft of an album, but it still has its moments. And my favorite moment on the record is when West puts his lack of vocal talent on display. “God Is” features West trying his darndest to belt over a sample of gospel composer James Cleveland’s song of the same name. And he falls pretty flat on his face. But there’s something still powerful about that, like someone badly singing in church, but with so much conviction. It humanizes West.

[notesandcoffee]

Opinions 4.19

Psychotherapy is hard to write well, Gale continues to provide more entertainment than any TK plotline, and I try my hand at figuring out how to forget things.

There was so much going on this episode that it was actually hard for me to start somewhere. Everything is just such a good idea. The execution ranges from questionable to excellent, but there's nothing I would consider irrevocably "bad", as we've seen in some previous episodes. Definitely stuff I feel could be improved, so I guess we'll start there.

The "therapy" that's the centerpiece of this episode, where Dr. Krilov stages an abduction and then implants memories in Ressler's memory is okay, given what comes afterwards is both absorbing and entertaining. The payoff is worth the suspension of belief for this part, but I feel like the therapy could have been done better and closer to, you know, actual science. In the scene in question, Krilov goes from narrating Panabaker's language in Ressler's "dream", for lack of a better term, immediately to explaining to his colleagues what exactly he's doing.

I feel like this was done for time purposes, rather than believability, but that doesn't really make it better. Combined with the cut idea that Ressler's memory was supposed to be triggered by Sriracha scent rather than auditory input. There's no real way to do that on-screen without losing at least part of the audience or taking up a lot of time, so I understand why it was cut. But immediately going against a rule that was just made doesn't really seem cool either. It would have kept the audience enrapt if Krilov had only voiced Panabaker in the "dream", and maybe if the colleagues had spoken to themselves, quietly, off to the side. It would give the impression that Ressler is completely hypnotized to the sound of Krilov's voice and is inputting memory rapidly (which he would have been, according to the scene). 

That's my strongest real criticism, though. I wasn't really feeling the tension at the beginning, but I also didn't realize quite what the plan was for Ressler and to have him go directly against Panabaker by himself, but it ultimately brought about something that I hadn't expected. Again, there's a bewilderment and a payoff that was more than worth it for me. 

Ressler, while trying to talk Gale out of pursuing Reddington through the bodies on the ice rink, receives a call from a detective in Philadelphia about the Reven Wright case, which of course he pursues. Jailing Panabaker for Wright's murder has been a longtime goal of Ressler, one that we've seen him struggle with numerous times in the show after Wright's demise. There, he meets Linda McFadden, who saw Hitchin carrying a body out of Wright's house, presumably her body. Shortly after, the area is SWATted, and everything goes dark. Ressler is picked up by a flip Panabaker shortly after, and pushes her for answers on Wright and McFadden. The two go back and forth for a while, before Panabaker excuses Ressler and instead calls in a threat against McFadden from her own cell phone. 

The cell phone Ressler drops doesn't ever payoff, though. I don't think that's really worth pursuing, in this case. 

Gale continues to impress with his relentless pursuit of the truth, and he finally meets Liz, after trying to reach her by phone numerous times. He wants her to see the body-filled ice rink to guilt her into telling him where Reddington is and the story. He's already got a great grasp of what happened, complete with memorized dates. He's made a timeline with dates and evidence, all of it through records and without the characters we've known and fallen deeply in love with. He's an acknowledgement that Reddington is still a criminal, in addition to all of the other things we know him to be. He's not a direct threat to Liz, but presents a threat to Reddington, which puts Liz in yet another conflicting position.

However, unlike previous scenarios with TK, the conflict isn't based on Liz's romantic feelings for anyone., something that the audience cannot share. It's about Liz's loyalty, and what she wants to find meaning in. She either protects Reddington and values him as more than an informant, or she finds justice for the victims on the ice rink and turns him in properly. For the first time in years, the audience is asked questions that aren't centered on "what is abuse?" but rather, what's morally more meaningful. Murciano is great at speaking quickly and not allowing Liz or Ressler enough time to think about a reaction before his next statement, even if it caused problems for me personally when I tried to watch the episode sped up.

There isn't enough Aram in this episode. Aram and rest of the P.O. sans Ressler take a backseat, though they're next in line as Gale continues to rip through the task force in order to get to Reddington. With Ressler sidelined, it's anyone's guess as to who Gale targets next. Cooper would be an interesting choice to go after next, as he could use the task force as a shield or insist on taking on Gale himself.

We did get a peek at how Saram is doing, with Aram's line: "... and these days, [Navabi and I] don’t really agree on anything so, you know, it’s gotta be good advice." They've been fighting about a lot, and as colleagues, that's not particularly good for the P.O. as a whole. But because they can come to at least this agreement without much of a conflict, they both care about Liz (and by extension, Reddington) enough to want her to stay away from Gale.

Based on what we know from the Katai Fellowship ordeal and Janet's appearance in the P.O., Navabi has had issues addressing Aram plainly, something Aram isn't comfortable with at all, stuttering and peppering his speech with more fillers than usual in this particular line. I'm still a bit unclear as to why Navabi has such a distaste for her colleague, but it's nice to know that something that trivial will not break up the team... yet. With the pressure Gale is using as a weapon in this arc, it'll be interesting to see how that affects Saram, which it ultimately will.

Red mentions how Kaplan's personality has changed, something longtime fans have noted since the beginning of the arc. It's an acknowledgement that it's not quite the same Kaplan we've seen in previous episodes of the show, for better or worse. Now that it's a noted adjustment of Kaplan's personality, we can start looking as to why her personality changed drastically so quickly, and what changes can be retroactively made to the flashback episode, if any. Last Opinions I theorized that the new personality was the result of an untreated TBI, but because we're working slow closely with memory, I thought it was worth a second look. 

But we see something new here -- Krilov mentions that he saw Liz two years ago, not twenty-five. And he doesn't seem to be lying about it either. @eaglechica19 has a great thesis on Caul hiring Krilov and how it intertwines with Red's relationship with Liz, and if you haven't read it yet, open a tab for it here.

And because I was curious, I wondered if Kaplan remembered things differently than how they actually occurred, inspiring her change in personality and autobiographical memories being disjointed. If that were the case, it would be similar to how Krilov's implanted memories in Liz and Ressler worked. Except, as I mentioned previously, Kaplan's access to medical attention, be it nefarious or not, was incredibly limited. If Kaplan's fake memories weren't implanted by Krilov or Orchard, how did she get them? And could we use that to learn about Liz's memories?

Disclaimer: I am not a neuroscientist. I'm a fucking nerd with an internet connection. Please consult actual fucking medical attention if any of these things might apply to you.

This is on the Mayo Clinic's website for amnesia: 

Another rare type of amnesia, called dissociative (psychogenic) amnesia, stems from emotional shock or trauma, such as being the victim of a violent crime. In this disorder, a person may lose personal memories and autobiographical information, but usually only briefly.

Reading this looks like a terrible plot device, I'm aware, but this is a real thing that happens to real people. It's worth reading up on, in my opinion, for that reason alone. 

But in our world of fiction, we've been exploring two different people's memories. Both of whom have survived traumatic incidents -- plot-dependent incidents -- that we've only seen in that autobiographical memory. Liz's memory was toyed with intentionally, at least once by Red. If those memories are wrong, then we’re not viewing the story completely. So where can we find that story?

From WebMD, emphasis mine:

Dissociative amnesia is not the same as simple amnesia, which involves a loss of information from memory, usually as the result of disease or injury to the brain. With dissociative amnesia, the memories still exist but are deeply buried within the person's mind and cannot be recalled. However, the memories might resurface on their own or after being triggered by something in the person's surroundings.

This fits with what we've seen so far from Liz, in her shooting Connolly. We also see this in how Kaplan recalls her past, with bits floating in and out as she goes on her grotesque road trip to dig up bodies. The memories themselves are shattered, and while certain parts of the memory are intact, some of the most crucial bits are fuzzy. As @eaglechica pointed out, we don't know for sure who is fighting in Liz's memory. Certain parts of Kaplan's memory are missing as well, such as the long time gaps that were barely covered by a cut on-screen. 

As noted, Krilov's psychotherapy is a bit of a farce on Ressler, easily broken by Liz, which leaves me to wonder what exactly he did to Liz to make her forget... whatever he was told to. When successful, how does his psychotherapy actually work, and can we learn anything from it? Is there any way for someone to completely forget something happened? 

It's tempting to say "repression" in the same way Freud imagined it -- that is, traumatic experiences were sealed off but left behind a specific behavior associated with it, like depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, etc. This concept has largely been disproven by the scientific community. Long story short: victims telling someone they forgot what happened was more beneficial than coming out with the truth for a incredible amount of time. Likewise, I wasn't able to find a psychotherapist who specialized in making people forget experiences, but an incredible amount of hypnotherapists who specialized in dealing with the effects of trauma. 

As far as I can tell, there hasn't been a documented experiment where a person was able to successfully completely forget an experience. However, it's well-documented that every feeling you have, every thought, is a result of a series of neurons firing off at the right time with the right signal. Mess with the timing, mess with the signal or how its carried, mess with the part firing off in the first place, and the results can be vastly different. The closest to having someone intentionally forget an experience that I was able to find in academia was an experiment in 2010, where a drug was able to block "fear" signals when mice encountered a loud noise. Because our communication with mice is limited, we don't know if they "forgot" what a loud sound means in the same way that humans might forget a phone number or a grocery list. We do know that when we drug mice, they don't have the same chemical reaction that would cause them to feel fear or anxiety after they've had a bad experience. For our purposes, they know what happened previously when there was a loud noise, but they excuse it and continue with their day, while on drugs.

If Kaplan's working with a traumatic brain injury that's fucking with her memory, Liz needs to be on drugs consistently to wholly forget hers. We haven't been with Liz 24/7, but I'm going to go ahead and say she hasn't been on memory-altering drugs for most of that time. Instead, Krilov has used a combination of hypnotherapy and drugs (as seen in Ressler's "dream") to make the emotions associated with that memory less traumatic and harder for her to recall.

If Kaplan is suffering from dissociative amnesia, we might be able to get the whole story soon, similar to how Liz is revealing her memories. If Liz happens to hit the right trigger, we'll get the memories that we desperately want to see.