#really affirmed my (codependent desperate and deeply unhealthy) belief in the relationship and when he...
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thinking about how both relationships i was in ended in my getting dumped bc my mental health issues/suicide stuff was too hard to deal with <3 feeling fine about it
#obviously its fine like it was the right thing for them to do its not anyones job to wait on me to start wanting to live#and im uh. not very good in relationships or with people lol#im pretty avoidant now because of it i think -_- its an experience i have had with friends too its#being extremely persistently and violently suicidal for the majority of my life has in fact had an effect who wouldve guessed!!!#its fine i dont have hard feelings towards them obviously!! i was shit i shouldnt have been in a relationship at any point#and i hope theyre better off now but its like. you know.#*flat voice* lol#doesnt help that one dumping was at prom and the other was a week after our two year anniversary celebration that like#really affirmed my (codependent desperate and deeply unhealthy) belief in the relationship and when he...#i dont know what pronouns he uses now he didnt like they though so i will say he#when he told me he said he'd wanted to end it for ages and thought it would be a nice sendoff#AND I UNDERSTAND THE IDEA!!!!!!! I DO but it was simply.........painful!#again they were both right but its just like. insane the amount of anguish and pain ive put people through because i#cant get close to people in a way that isnt suffocating and now i just cant get close to people whatever <3#im definitely deleting this i didnt mean to start thinking about it but. lol#all ive ever done is cause people misery and pain and well <3 well <3 well <3 working on the suicide stuff still!#working on fixing the problem!!!
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