#real people: marian lister

[iredreamer]

Hi:) You seem to be very well read when it comes to the life of Anne Lister. I was wondering if I could ask you about something? In Gentleman Jack it is clear that her family accepts her "true nature", is this accurate? I mean, as far as I've understood it is, but I was wondering if you maybe had something to say about it!

hey :) thank you so much!

Anne’s family was really supportive, yes, and they were supportive because they trusted her and they loved her, that’s why they let her do what she wanted. I’m not sure her family understood or even knew her sexuality and what was really going on with Miss Walker (or with any of her lovers). Let’s not forget that “romantic friendship” was a thing back then, two wealthy ladies living together was not a strange thing, it was accepted and it worked to Anne’s advantage…so, we can speculate about what and how much her family really knew. What we know for sure is that she used to talk with aunt Anne about her plans and about Miss Walker (and also about Mariana Lawton back in the days) and that everyone at Shibden was okay with Ann moving in.

Anne’s diary tells us that she used to talk to her aunt about Ann Walker through allusion to foreign travel and mostly to Ann Walker’s fortune: September 29, 1832 > “Telling her my real sentiments about Miss Walker and my expectations that the chances were ten to one in favour of our traveling and ultimately settling together. My aunt not to appear to know anything about it, even to Miss W-, till I had mentioned it to the latter. My aunt… seemed very well pleased at my choice and prospects. I said she had three thousand a year or near it. She thought my father would be pleased if he knew and so would both my uncles.”.

If you think about the conversation the two have in episode 3 of Gentleman Jack I’d say they adapted Anne relationship with her Aunt pretty well. Anne, at first, talks to her aunt about Miss Walker in terms of property and income (”She has 2 ½ thousand a year, 2 of it entirely at her disposal.”), right after, the conversation becomes clearer with Anne asking: “Wouldn’t you say that was a prudent match?” and aunt Anne saying: “Yes, of course, if you were a man.” which gives us the impression that her aunt probably knows or at least suspects what kind of relationship her niece and Miss Walker really have (not a “romantic friendship” but a romantic & sexual relationship). After that, Anne’s speech and aunt Anne’s reply reinforce the idea that aunt Anne probably knows her niece’s “true nature”. In reality the discussion never went that far, but aunt Anne did love her niece unconditionally “and so she was prepared - surprising as it may seem - to view Anne’s ‘choice & prospects’ in conventional dynastic terms, just as Anne did.” [Nature’s Domain].

Anne also talked with Marian about Ann Walker and this is what Marian thought about her possibly moving in, Anne writes: March 7, 1834 > “Stood talking to Marian near an hour till after 7 in the hall - laughed and asked which would suit me best, M- or Miss W-? She thought the latter - would be more convenient and then agreed that she [Ann Walker] would suit me in every respect the best.” Marian liked Ann and Anne asking which of the two (Mariana or Ann) would suit her best can be taken ((maybe)) as a hint to what was the real nature of her relationship with the two women, but again, nothing is crystal clear. After their marriage, when Ann Walker moves in to Shibden, she’s considered “one of the family” by Marian: December 1, 1834 > “[Marian] did not like to deceive her family - I had liberty to tell A- [Ann Walker], now one of the family, and my aunt.” (this is about Marian’s engagement, which Anne didn’t approve of).

Anne’s relationship with her father was complex and they didn’t interact much, we don’t know what he thought about all of this but it seems he was alright with Ann Walker moving in to Shibden: March 7, 1834 > “Both my father and Marian seem pleased about Miss W-”.

It’s safe to say that in Halifax, because of how she dressed and how she acted, Anne’s sexuality and gender were a matter of curiosity, so, we can speculate about what her family really knew; what’s sure is that nothing was ever explicitly said (obviously).

Her family for sure considered her extravagant and unusual, but they also knew she was a remarkable woman and just accepted her for who she was.

[arbor-tristis]

I think the comparison Anne makes repeatedly this season is interesting - is that most people would not question her actions if she were a man. Which is true enough. But also.....yikes you don't WANT to act like a man usually does

Like the way she treats Marian. The toxicity in her relationship with Ann, where she is shown to veer very close to condescension. The reckless, thoughtless ambition that will probably ruin your family. Her conservative, elite politics that have ironically always been aligned with hetero-patriarchy. Just. Yikes.

I've said it before, but this storytelling is a challenge to the audience. How much of the real Anne Lister can you really handle? And it's getting hard.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Friday 18 march 1836

8

12

no kiss A- low on awaking as she has been for the last week vid. the tenth instant and given to tears and prayers but I roused her up and do the best I can - A- had old Parsons 1st from 8 ½ to till 9 and then I had him till 9 ½ - young Parsons out of town - breakfast at 10 - Mr. Gray came at 10 35 and staid till 1 40 talking just at the last of his travels in Switzerland and along the Rhine - A- consulted him about the well at Water Lane mill - he seems to think that if the well was always within the limits of her own private property and if made and always repaired and kept in order by her predecessors in the property then even if Messrs. Rawson and c° can bring people to swear that they have fetched water from it uninterruptedly for 60 or more years, this will be deemed to have been from connivance and that no right will have been gained but A- can still maintain her right over the well as private property - Respecting the Shugden head coal, Illingworth must shew his right to get coal from under other property than A-‘s - he written lease, if he has any, must be examined before it can be ascertained  whether it is binding on A- or not - A- then gave instructions about her will - she is obliged to republish –

 SH:7/ML/E/19/0013

 in consequence of the division of the joint property and on Mr. Gray’s reading over her will made 2 years ago she found that the moiety of her landed property in Stainland and Golcar was left to her niece Mary which was not her intention - she meant all the landed property to be entailed on Sackville and the boys and this issue, and, in default of that on Mary and her issue, and, in default of that on the other nieces - she now gave instructions to entail the landed property on Sackeville and the two other boys and their issue male and in default of that on their nieces in succession and their issue male and in default of that to any other nephews and their issue that may be born - she makes me sole trustee as before - but gives me a discreetly power to sell the estimates in Stainland and Ovenden to be invested in other estimates in the west riding of Yorkshire for which purpose also I have a power to invest all her personalty in landed property - I have also a life estate in all her property real and personal - and she leaves £10,000 payable after my death to her niece Mary, without interest, on her attaining the age of 21 - and if I make no appointment, or do not revoke her appointment  she makes Mr. Gray and his son William my successors in the trust - I then gave Mr. Gray instructions for giving A- a life estate in all my property real and personal - appointing her a trustee - omitted to subject it to my just debts which must be done - but joint trustee with Mr. Gray - mentioned the death of John Lister senior and desired the property to be entailed as before on John L- junior and his sister and his heirs at law of my uncle - on mentioning that my aunt was not in a state to manage the affairs herself and that she was sufficiently provided for out of the estate by my uncle’s will, Mr. Gray represented that if she had a life estate in the property Marian and her intended husband might claim and get the management of everything during the remainder of my aunt’s life, I on account thought it best not to give my aunt a life estate but to mentioning that I put A- in possession immediately on my death in the assurance that she would take care of my aunt and live principally at Shibden and do all that I should have done myself if I had lived - it is agreed that there shall be in A-‘s will as in mine a clause making the marriage of either of us forfeit all claim over the property of the other - the trust and life estate are both in this case done away with entity - then asked Mr. Gray what could be done to give me the entire management of herself and her property in case she should from illness be unable to manage for herself - she explained that she had entire confidence in me and would rather that I should manage for her than that Captain Sutherland should Mr. G- said this was rather difficult but mentioned that we might make a deed giving each other a life estate in our property and that the mutuality of it would make the deed valid - a good and binding deed and bargain between us, and we could still make any disposal of our property we liked by our own joint consent - and this deed would keep the management of A-‘s property from the S-s and of mine from Marian - this matter was left for our consideration till tomorrow - on A-‘s getting me my velvet bonnet to go out in, found it was Eugenie’s instead of my own! she had taken my handsome one and left me her old one, as she (I found on leaving home) had taken the beautiful pelerine I had of Mrs. Barlow and left me one of her own old ones! - annoyed that she should have been able to play me such tricks resolved to look better after my things in future - A- resolved to take more care for me - out at 2 ½ - we went to Mrs. Cook and waited till she had trimmed and got me ready a decent strong bonnet to walk about it - went to the next door (Bean’s) for a parasol - E- always asked me to let her to go to Mrs. Bean with whom on her 1st coming to me she had travelled from London in the coach - surprised to find she had announced herself as my dame de compagnie - Mrs. B- thought her giddy and her daughters would not associate with her! so her visits were not to Mrs. Bean - I am glad to be rid of her - called at the Henry Belcombes’ - nobody at home - we had no cards so merely left a message - called also at Mrs. Belcombe’s in the minster court - she poorly and we did not see her - Miss Belcombe (the only one at home) out - we had gone 1st (after getting my new bonnet) to the will office - Mr. Buckle and his son both there and very civil and obliging - A- looked at several wills and asked for a copy of Haigh Walker’s will and for a sight of Torres’ manuscripts saying we would call again tomorrow - left A- 5 minutes at the will office and went to see if the Norcliffes were in York - the front door nailed up and the window shutters closed - concluded nobody was there but the back door open brick and mortar about - went in - saw Betty in the kitchen and found the N-s were there - left word that I would call again by and by - A- and I met Mrs. Duffin and Charlotte N- in Coney street - walked with them both a little way - I promised to go to the N-s’ in the evening and A- and I walked with Mrs. Duffin into Micklegate and sat with Mr. and Mrs. D- ¾ hour till their dinner time 5 ½ - A- and I sauntered back - dinner at 6 ½ - enjoyed our dinner - mock turtle soup boiled salm, roast loin of lamb and pudding and tart, nicely cooked - and a pint of good port (had brought our own while wine for A-) sat comfortably after unwilling to move but at 8 walked to the N-s - tea and coffee immediately - sat talking - themselves and 4 servants - expense I guessed at £5 per week - was right CN- said - home (walked) at 10 - A- and I had tea and sat talking till 10 50 - very fine day - F58° in our bedroom (no fire) at 11 pm.

[mswyrr]

2sassy replied to your post “Given the kind of themes Wainwright is interested in, I think in...”

One clue for S2 is that SWainwright stated that it will "have themes that                     ...will unfortunately be very relatable". I'm guessing the homophobic behavior of everyone they encounter, while they brave the world, being their true selves.

@2sassy

That is an interesting quote, thank you! Could you possibly link me to the interview it’s from?

I’m not sure constant homophobia follows from that, though. I’m not sure how that constitutes a theme, or works with the real history. Real history involves Ann Walker becoming more engaged and starting a free school for kids -- among other charitable endeavors-- in this story she’ll probably be influenced in part by seeing what school has done for the kid Anne is paying the tuition for.

They just got married and they’re people of their time, even as they also break with its rules--even the most radical people are also radical in ways based off the categories of thought and ideas available in their time-- which means that the idea that marriage makes two people *one person* (which was legally true for m/f couples at the time - the misogyny was that that “person” was the man - the woman was by default “legally dead” under coverture) will influence both of them.

Ann Walker is now the lady of Shibden Hall, by that thinking. Not only her money, but her attention and concern will be going to the “work” (oh, Anne would hate me calling it that lol) Anne Lister does as the head of the family/estate. And Anne is sort of “lord” of Ann’s massive estate - spiritually speaking...

It’s interesting set up, that they already share a manager/steward, in Mr. Washington. I foresee interesting conversations between the three of them!

If we’re showing these two people growing into a married couple - a comingling of their duties/responsibilities which they see in new ways, including Ann coming out of seclusion to connect with the folks who rely on her and Anne’s estates more, would make sense. Especially if they end up having fruitful disagreements on how precisely things should work.

I see room to grow there. I’m sure there are many other directions Wainwright could take it, but I think she’ll continue to center it in Halifax and draw on the relationships and questions she’s already raised - and try to bring together the heiresses more with the ordinary people storylines, and Anne’s feeling of connection to her tenants is a way to begin digging into that.

I don’t think everyone being homophobic would make historical sense (they do have a good cover story and people who will buy it) or really... be a theme in the sense of something the story uses to show an arc/growth. Ann came through that struggle and made her choice and it was a long ago thing for Anne. Unless Ann has a relapse of her psychosis or something. And even then the theme would be more about loving someone with/living with a chronic illness, not homophobia.

Homophobia was a major theme of S1 because Ann was struggling with the combined delight of love and her deep fears (and how it connects with her terror/religious obsession and mental illness for her) - but even there it was one awful person poisoning things (Mrs Priestley) - and there was Ann’s sister and her friend who both came around on Anne as well as Marian’s joy at seeing Anne more ‘settled’ with a good ‘companion.’ And the quiet acceptance of Anne’s aunt - who clearly knows what Anne is about.

Wainwright is a good writer and she did well with S1. I don’t think she’s going to have S2 primarily about a theme she’s wrung a fair bit of drama out of already, though ofc the society will continue to be homophobic.

[cynicalrainbows]

Gentleman Jack fic (Part 1)

So after sending a prompt to @sapphic-ann-walker about the Ann(e)s, I’ve actually written it into a fic. (Also posted on ao3 under CynicalRainbows).

When she wakes suddenly in the middle of the night- covered in sweat and shivering- she blames it on a bad dream and curls closer into Anne’s warm side. 

When her chest hurts from coughing, she blames Captain Lister’s after dinner pipe and goes to sit in the library. 

And when she finds that her every muscle aches as if she’s been pulled on a rack, she mentally resolves to ride out with Anne less often in the afternoons. 

(She doesn’t know what being racked is like really of course. Not that Anne’s description hadn’t been really terribly graphic. Sometimes she wishes that her wife would restrict her after dinner reading to treatise on the practise of mining rather than delving into the history shelves so often. And Anne didn’t just describe it- there were pictures….. She wonders if this accounts for her poor appetite of late.)

But when all of it- the fever and the coughing and the aching, all of it- persists for the third day running, she wonders if perhaps it’s nothing to do with nightmares or pipes or spending too long in the saddle. 

She wonders if perhaps instead, she’s just succumbing to the same flu that has seen John and Marian and even stalwart Cordingley take to their beds.

The flu that has also, not entirely by coincidence, been the cause of a lot of eye rolling and pointed signing on the behalf of her wife. Of course, being Anne, she hasn’t left it at that: she’s also just come straight out and announced her belief that they’re over-egging it all a bit. 

 At least, Cordingley and John are spared her arch comments about sickness seeming to hit hardest when there are dull or unpleasant (or unpleasantly dull or dully unpleasant) things to be gotten out of, but Ann suspects this is less down to Anne trying to be a good employer and more because both of them fortunate enough not to live with her and the fact that actually going to their homes to berate them would be going just a touch too far.

Not so though in the case of Marian.

Marian is given the full benefit of Anne’s opinion that often, sickness is really an issue not so much of actual contagion but a test of mind over matter. Bar genuine cases of disease (she doesn’t say what she counts as genuine disease but Ann suspects it’s anything that comes with symptoms more interesting and unusual than the coughing-sneezing-shivering that Marian is displaying), then people can and do and should just work through it. 

Or if they really can’t, at least have the courtesy to not keep talking about it the whole time, let alone having the audacity to cough all over the place.

(Not that Marian appears to be particularly bothered by the haranguing. From the way she rolls her eyes, Ann rather suspects that Marian has heard one or possibly several of these arguments before).

For the most part, the other residents of Shibden do not comment.

Captain Lister stays out of all of it (Ann feels that is the right way to put it: the fact that he is many years deaf does nothing to change the fact that he would not care a whit enough to interject if he could hear). 

Aunt Anne sighs like she’s heard it all before (as indeed she has) and puts her teacup down long enough to remark that she wonders Anne doesn’t chide her and Captain Lister for ‘giving in’ to their own infirmities.

To her credit, Anne looks incredulous and suitably horrified at the suggestion (Anne’s affection for her aunt is as endearing as her bickering with Marian is insufferable): she pauses in her diatribe long enough to assure all and sundry that of course she didn’t mean them, that they shouldn’t think for a minute that she means them….but that, of course, the ailments that plague the Captain and Aunt Anne are rooted largely in their age and therefore they cannot be helped.

Some people, on the other hand-

As they argue (or rather, as Anne argues and Marian makes as many snide rejoinders as she can think up on the spot), Ann waits for someone to draw her into the argument and bites her thumbnail at the first stirrings of anxiety. 

Because of course she will be brought into it- how can one debate the authenticity of debilitating illness in its various forms and fail to at least mention the fact that one of the current household is incapacitated nearly as many days than the rest put together? 

How can they refer to Aunt Anne’s poor ulcerated legs that keep her housebound and not to the fact that a younger Ann- in possession of her youth and strength, such as it is- sometimes keeps to her room for days at a time, her door closed and the bedclothes pulled tight? 

(At least Aunt Anne allows the drapes to be opened). 

How can they debate the genuineness of flu- with its real, visible symptoms- and not the existence of whatever it is that still sometimes (to her eternal shame) has her rousing Anne from sleep in the small hours to silence all the clocks and their insidious whispering?

(They must have noticed by now- sometimes Anne forgets to put them back together before the next morning- but somehow, it hasn’t been mentioned. Yet.)

And how- how can they talk of ‘giving in to it’ without remembering the time that Ann gave in too? (Once, only once- but as her scars- still livid in the cold and too high up her wrists for her sleeves to entirely cover- remind her and everyone else, once, as it happens, is enough). 

How can they talk of sickness and not come to wonder if the affliction that so stubbornly clings to her comes under the category of disease- or, to use Anne’s phrasing- shamming?

It’s not as if it’s a discussion she’s never been privvy to before, thanks to her multitude of relations fancying themselves to be, if not doctors then logicians.

‘What exactly is wrong with her- are they sure she isn’t...well, it’s awfully convenient for her, isn’t it?’

‘If there was something you could see- but she looks as normal as the rest of us. I really think if she had anything about her, she’d just get on with things-’

‘It’s my opinion that she just gives in to it too much- don’t we all suffer from nerves?’

‘Makes you wonder, doesn’t it, if it’s all….well, real….. Well, can she really be trusted to manage her own affairs?’

She waits, she waits, for the conversation to turn to her. 

And yet….

And yet, somehow, incredibly, it doesn’t.

Ann bites her nails to nothingness, then digs her ruined fingertips into her palms until it hurts enough to imagine that she’s drawing blood- but she is never mentioned.

The conversation moves on- at last, at last- and she isn’t looked to for an opinion until Anne proposes a walk to visit the Hardcastle tenants and see how Henry is getting on with his studies in person and asks if she’d like to come.

She would.

(The walk home feels a thousand miles long.)

*

Gratitude follows her to bed that night (as she turns over yet again, trying to find a position that mitigates the growing congestion in her chest)- she is warmed by it, but determined too.

Anne does not- somehow, somehow- see her….her demons as weakness.

(Yet)

And so she will not tempt fate. She has succumbed to too much to succumb to this most prosaic and easily brushed off of afflictions- common sickness. She will be as Anne wishes she could be (as Anne must surely wish she could be)- she will be strong.

She will not allow her wife- her beloved, infuriating, mad, brilliant, daring, laughing Anne- to look at her with the same impatience that she holds in reserve for people who fail to measure up to her expectations.

She will be strong.

And when she wakes up to moonlight streaming in through the open curtains and her wife’s arm slung loosely over her stomach, she pushes away the pain in her head (and the roughness in her throat and the ache all over) and thinks instead about how happy she is.

 (She will not spoil things).

It works. 

(Almost)

*

Ann isn’t really sick, as she reminds herself (again and again)- but she also doesn’t want to make anyone else not-properly-sick too.

Not Captain Lister (who is of the age that requires only one short bout of anything to tip him from frailty into incapacity), not Aunt Anne (who became Aunt sooner than Ann was able to speak to the Captain directly without stammering), not Marian (with whom a routine of midafternoon crumpets-by-the-fire, served with honey and mutual stories of social awkwardness, has already been quickly established) and (definitely) not Anne.

She just doesn’t think she could cope with the guilt. So- carefully- she does what she can to minimize contact.

It isn’t exactly difficult to minimize contact with a gentleman she’s (mostly) still too afraid to talk to so Captain Lister isn’t a problem, but she notices the crease of consternation in Aunt Anne’s brow when she discreetly steps back to put herself out of line for a kiss when she, Anne and Marian are bidding farewell before a trip into Halifax. 

She wonders if the woman notices that Ann makes sure to sit well away from her, that she moves away from the caresses and affection that she had once treasured as proof that she was being accepted into the family.

 She tells herself that she is clever enough to hide her withdrawal. 

Vain fancy. 

Crossing the hall, on the hunt for cologne for her throbbing head, she overhears Aunt Lister’s sigh- ‘- thought she was settling here so well-’ and Marian’s slightly fractious rejoinder- ‘-almost as if she can’t bear to be around us anymore!’.

As they toy with the idea that the blame is Anne’s, wondering if her blunt impatience with ‘shabby little Shibden’ has rubbed off on her wife, Ann takes herself quickly upstairs.

She really doesn’t want to hear.

She can tell that Marian is hurt- at the physical distance she has started to keep between them, at her new reluctance to share a sofa to giggle and gossip as they used to- and that sends her sense of guilt spiralling- the last thing she wants to do is add to the woman’s sense of insecurity. 

Even without their heart to hearts, she’s been able to pick up on it- Anne’s casually derisive remarks about Marian’s occasional histrionic outbursts, the way that even compliments come to Marian in the frame of being likened to her older sister, Marian’s obvious frustration at coming off the worst in every single one of their skirmishes.

(She knows that Marian has been nearly as grateful as her for the unexpected friendship that they’ve formed. Shibden to Anne is- used to be- merely dull but for Marian, it is- was- also lonely).

She sympathises with Marian- she likes her. Too much to knowingly make her unwell again.

And so she keeps her distance.

(She tries not to feel it too hard when Marian stops trying to engage her.)

But- Anne is hardest.

(Anne, after all, is the one she shares a bed with.) 

She rolls away from her wife in bed, presses her face into the pillows, pretending to yawn and stretch. 

She shies away from Anne’s arms pulling her towards her lap; she forces herself to resist the urge to lean into Anne’s side when she’s tired (and she is so tired now, always so tired, so bone-achingly weary now). 

She doesn’t let herself curl up into Anne’s embrace to sleep, she exiles herself to the edge of the mattress. 

She turns her face away from kisses- and that is hardest of all.

And Anne….lets her. 

She doesn’t push after she is rebuffed; she doesn’t ask why. She keeps smiling, keeps on as she has barely noticed, much less minded.

(She keeps trying though.)

And at first, it’s a relief- then, almost as quickly, a worry.

She wonders what it means that her wife is so seemingly unconcerned by the lack of affection- does she even mind? 

(Is she relieved to be free of Ann’s kisses, Ann’s clinging?)

Until all at once, Anne stops trying and everything goes cold. 

And she realises that Anne really does mind.

A cold space between them in bed, a chilly silence in the carriage, in the parlour, at meals. 

It’s Ann who stops touching but Anne who stops talking- and Ann suddenly wonders how she lived back at Crow Nest when her days were perpetually uninterrupted: from the first, she hadn’t as much grown used to Anne’s conversation as she had realised how much she had been missing. 

Silence as she sketches (or tries to sketch as shivers shake her pencil)- no one leaning over her shoulder to admire. 

(No little intake of breath, the puff of air by her cheek as Anne whispers that it’s marvellous; the absolute sincerity when Anne asks how she does it- the teasing glint as the latest canvas is proclaimed to be not too bad really, in a certain light at least. 

Anne trying to snatch the paintbrush away after she has spent a whole day at the easel: ‘I’m a widow to the canvas! I do declare I must be the most neglected wife in all of Christendom!’ ‘Stop it, Anne-’ ‘I once long ago felt my wife’s warm embrace- Argus, let us depart for bachelorhood-’)

Silence when she wakes, no kiss pressed into her hair as Anne asks how she slept, how she feels, did she dream? 

(Anne enjoys recounting her dreams and enjoys hearing Ann’s: she tells her about how the Greeks believed that dreams were messages from the gods, she ponders aloud on what the Greeks would make of the image of Cordingley, Captain Lister and Mrs Lacey from the milliners in Halifax, being carried off by the tide in a boat made from a bonnet). 

(No arch observations or questions from the pillow beside her in the darkness, no more drifting asleep to the sound of her wife’s quiet laughter.)

Silence as she tries to eat at mealtimes- no boasting about how well the sinking of the new pit is going, no updates on the goings on of the Lister’s various tenants. 

Silence as she stares at the same page of the same book in the evenings- no offer from Anne to read aloud, no gentle teasing about Ann’s fondness for romantic novels over good, hard facts. No interruptions with a new and (at least to Anne) fascinating tidbit; her wife’s face shining over the back of the sofa: ‘Sorry, sorry- I know I’m interrupting again! Just- one more thing!’ Little snippets of politics or history or biology- subjects she never cared for, that she doesn’t care for now, except that Anne is so interested, enthusiasm spreading out to capture her and everyone else too.

‘Just  let me read you this bit here- just let me show you this picture here- just let me share this with you because I love you and I trust you because I know that you will agree because you love me too’

And when not silence- when words are necessary, when conversation cannot be held off a moment longer- then a calm, bland, businesslike manner that lacks any of the warmth, the enthusiasm that used to be so evident.

(In the early days of their courtship, Anne once told her about a particular form of execution- Lingchi its proper name- ‘the death of a thousand cuts’, with the particular shiny eyed look she gets when reading about the obscure, the foreign, the different: no cut enough to do damage alone but all together enough to kill. She thinks of it with every blank request to be passed the sugar and she doesn’t know why.)

A couple of times Ann wonders, distantly, if there isn’t a way of fixing this, if perhaps maybe- if she could just talk to Anne….. But things are bad now, she’s afraid to try to open up a conversation with her wife for fear of what might be said. 

She knows that explanations will be required, eventually- but things are so bad, she knows that once they start talking, it will be hard to take back anything that is said.

 It will be delicate and require care and planning….and between the shivers and the aches, the fever flushes, the headaches, the sore throat that makes it hard to drink let alone eat, it’s too hard to plan now, it’s too hard to thing, it’s too hard to do anything other than focus every fibre of her being Keeping Going. 

So she keeps her distance, tries not to hear Aunt Anne wondering if she’s homesick, Marian wondering if she’s just bored of them already. She tries not to hear her wifes pointed silence.

Because she may be distant, she may be different- but she isn’t weak.

(She really cannot afford any of them to start seeing her as any weaker, any more of a burden, than she already is. She cannot afford Anne to start thinking of her as any more of a burden than she already is for fear that it may push her wife all the closer to the point of deciding that it may be easier to just set the burden down altogether.)

She keeps going, she keeps going- until a day comes that presses on her more heavily than usual. And she can tell, from the minute that she opens her eyes, that she’s worse.

The other side of the bed is already cold.

 Dressing is such an effort she has to sit down for a moment on the edge of the tumbled bed to stop her head from spinning and her clothes feel wrong against her sweaty skin.

Downstairs, the thick smell of bacon and toast at the breakfast table is almost overpowering- she nearly has to excuse herself early- but she makes herself sit through it, through the sounds of the rest of them eating, through Aunt Anne remarking upon her need for embroidery thread, through Anne offering to get her some from Halifax.

(Once, she would have asked Ann to come with her; now, she doesn’t even glance at her).

In the hall, the effort of it all hits her: sleans against the wall and tries to breathe deeply, then rouses herself to stand straight just as Anne enters, pulling on her outdoor clothes.

‘Are you off now?’

‘Yes.’

The curtness stings, but she can’t blame Anne, not really. She knows that she is at fault for not making more of an effort- to at least talk to her wife even if she can’t be close to her- but it’s been hard enough to think of eating and dressing and walking without talking too.

Still.

‘Will you be long?’

Anne is concentrating on buttoning her glove, her voice is carefully measured. 

‘It’s alright, you know.’

‘What is?’

‘You needn’t pretend to care.’

‘Anne?’

‘Look, I’m running late and I’ve as little interest in answering your questions as you do in my answer so-’

Anne does look at her then and it’s so very closed off, as if she’s looking at a stranger, as if she’s put part of herself away for safekeeping.

For someone worthier than Ann, apparently.

‘Of course I care’

‘You could at least do me the decency of not lying to me in my own home.’

Like an unexpected blow, it drives the breath from her.

‘Wh- what are you talking about?’

‘You needn’t look so stricken’ Anne sighs ‘I’m- not really angry with you. I always entertained the prospect of you having…..second thoughts, even if I didn’t think they’d come quite so- soon-’

‘I’m not having second thoughts!’

‘I know I’m not easy to...be with. I know- I always knew- it would affect you too. I do understand.’

‘No, you don’t-’

‘I do!’ It’s an effort, Ann can tell, for Anne to say it. Like she’s dragging something up, forcing the words past her teeth. ‘Mariana- explained it all to me. Years ago- she was very clear about what it was like for her and so…. I do understand. I know it’s embarrassing for you to be- It’s just been a little hard for me to… come to terms with.’

‘Anne-’

‘Please!’ Anne suddenly looks pained- her face creases, she shuts her eyes for a second. ‘Please- don’t. Just… don’t. Look, we can talk about it later, we can-’

She keeps her face turned away, her voice is muffled, she presses the back of gloved hand to her mouth: at the doorway she pauses.

‘It’s- alright, you know.’ The twist of her lips is the bitterest idea of a smile. ‘You needn’t worry about me or anything. I can always get through things.’

‘Anne-’ She despises herself that the right words come so slowly, so late- like the whisperers said, she must truly be not quite the whole shilling, a few pennies short of a pound- such fitting phrases because really, what is she when the question of her money is taken out of it? 

A collection of anxieties and neuroses, a slight dexterity with a paintbrush, courtesies she has learnt off by heart for the sake of politeness to hide a lack of social wit. ‘Please, I still love you- truly-’

‘Really…’ There’s a split second when the old softness comes back to her wife’s face. ‘I know it would be easier if I let it go but- Ann, I can’t. We all deserve better than being someone’s duty.’

And then the door is closing, the hem of Anne’s black riding habit whisks out of sight, and she is alone.

Our father who art in heaven-

The door clicks softly shut on happiness, love, warmth, hope. The hall is cold, her throat aches and her eyes feel hot and wet.

-hallowed be thy name-

Not just her eyes- all of her is fiercely overheated, she is sweltering, shaking- grief made flesh; if she could, she would burn herself out of existence where she stands.

-thy kingdom come-

A sob tears itself from her, as she tries to follow, to explain- if ever she can, if it isn’t too late- but the effort of holding back the tempest inside her chest makes her dizzy- more than dizzy, she is lightness, she is floating, she is weightless.

-thy will be done-

The wood panelled walls tilt alarmingly.

-on earth as it is in heaven.

**

She is back to herself within moments.

Her side hurts, her ankle hurts where it is twisted beneath her. Trying to right herself only brings on a bout of coughing and the spasms keep her bent low, they shake her in much the same way that Argus shakes a rat.

When the front door opens again, she barely registers until Anne is crouching beside her, her hand on her back, on her hand.

‘Ann?’

She can’t talk but she inclines her head towards her wife as much as she can.

‘Ann, are you alright?’

It’s as if the recriminations of less than ten minutes ago are forgotten- Anne tenderly cups the back of her head as she used to.

Sitting close beside Anne on a stiff chaise, her cheek pressed against Anne’s waistcoat, strong fingers caressing the back of her neck, the secret, spoken aloud, hanging heavy in the air around them, and Anne’s murmur in her ear: ‘You know I’d have gotten you out of this scrape, even if you’d said no-’ 

‘Ann- Ann?’

She’s let her eyes close for longer than a blink- she opens them with effort to Anne’s worried face.

‘Sorry- I was- dizzy-’

 It’s an effort, as if she’s finally, finally reached the end: after nearly a fortnight, there is no pretending anymore, she has no strength left to pretend.

‘You’re hot-’ Cool fingers against her brow. ‘I don’t understand- how it can just come on like- It can’t be- not here-’

Anne sounds genuinely worried. Ann wonders what she’s imagining- some deadly disease encountered in a faraway land on her travels perhaps- and feels bound to put her wife’s mind at rest, as humiliating as it is.

‘Not-’ Her words blur together, her eyelids flutter again. ‘It’s...not just now…I’ve been feeling….off’

‘How long?’

‘The wednesday- last wednesday before-’ She’s too worn out to care about how it looks any more, the relief of just being able to admit it makes her eyes fill with tears again. 

‘Heavens, that’s- why on earth didn’t you say something?’

There’s the impulse to pull away but it’s fading- Anne is supporting her and just the feel of her wife’s arms around her again after so long is wonderful- but she does give a tiny jerk at the incomprehension in Anne’s words.

Can she really be so oblivious?

‘I know…. How you feel about….all of this. I’m- weak enough already.’

There’s a pause.

‘Oh.’

When her wife gets things wrong, it seems she gets them very wrong.

‘Oh Ann… I’m so sorry, I never thought you’d think I meant-’

The relaisation is spreading across her wife’s face, her look of horror grows.

‘And I said- and that’s why- oh god!’ Her hand is seized. ‘And I’ve been- Ann! I’ve been awful to you!’

(She makes a mental note to bring up the fact that she’s been awful to her sister too. Later. For now, she is content to be held and kissed in penitence.)

‘You….shouldn’t- you’ll make yourself ill-’

Anne removes her face from her wife’s tumbled curls. 

‘I think I rather deserve it…. Heavens, how I’ve managed to make such a hash of things!’

She wants to interrupt, to say her own piece- she wants to apologise too- more than anything, she wants to be able to put her own darling infuriating, remorseful wife out of the guilt she is obviously wracked with- but they’re interrupted by  a gasp- Mrs Cordingley’s plans for the morning clearly did not include members of the family or their spouses lying in doorways.

‘Heavens! What’s happened?’

Anne twists her head around. ‘Miss Walker has been taken ill-can you let James know he is to fetch the doctor at once?’

‘Yes Miss. Should I send George to help Miss Walker upstairs?’

‘No, I’ll-’ Anne turns back to her. ‘I could carry you my love but for the narrow corridors- I would hate to concuss you. Do you think you can-’

‘Yes-’ She’s still wobbly and everything still hurts but just being able to enjoy the comfort of Anne’s arms around her, Anne’s breath against her cheek as she helps her up and up the stairs to their room is enough to temporarily eclipse the pain.

‘Do be careful on the stairs my love, you know the middle step wobbles-’

And that puts a stop to all unnecessary conversation for the time being.

[chasespero]

Episode 6: Gentleman Jack Important Points

*contains spoilers*

*definite spoilers*

Um okay I hate seeing Anne injured, she couldn’t even stand up that well just no.

Marian Lister is the real mvp with that look at the camera am I right??

When Anne’s Aunt asked about Ann and she was all “I feel sick”...I was just full of emotions.

Anne got to Ann’s as soon as she could when she knew something was wrong because she loves her.

Anne hovering her hand out to touch Ann’s when she was sleeping = !!!!

When Ann woke up and saw Anne and fell into her arms [insert crying face] and when she was talking about voices and Anne’s face just dropped like okay yeah we have a problem here but listen she didn’t leave, she went to sort the clock out because that’s what was bothering Ann. 

Anne’s got so much going on in her life with her business, with local folk bullying her and with Ann yet she just gets through it.

“Whenever I see the girl, she always manages to unhinge me.” Anne says this with so much emotion in her voice because at first, charming Ann, seducing her was maybe just another notch in her bed post but low and behold she’s actually fallen in love with Ann, she has she loves her and I suppose for Anne that’s not very common, it’s put her out of place a little bit. 

Anne wanting to help Ann by taking her back to the Doctor in York but then asking for her sisters permission to be told her sister is taking her to hers...and then Anne proposes once more and Ann says “I can’t.” ugh.

She cries whilst having sex with Ann, a barrier broken down, she cries and it’s done so well, it’s damn right sad. 

“I understand why you can’t commit to me, it’s impossible I know...how could anyone? What am I? Everyday I rise above it, the things people say, I walk into a room or down a street and I see the way people look at me and the things they say and I rise above it because I’ve trained myself to, not to see it and hear it until it’s become second nature to me and I forget just how impossible it is for someone else to accept that. But you came so close.”

This is a goodbye...this is a fucking goodbye Anne knows she won’t see her again, she says she’s going on her travels and then eventually Ann realises that too and god that scene at the window where they look out and Anne is crying and Ann is just there for her. 

Basically this was me putting important points about the episode when in fact the whole episode was important, it was heart wrenching. Seeing Ann going through the problems she was going through was so hard to watch, seeing Anne crying and being honest with Ann was heart breaking, it really was sad. Though angst must come with love, it’s the nature of television and we know it wouldn’t have been all roses with the real Miss Lister and Miss Walker. 

In conclusion the episode was tissue worthy, a box of tissues worthy with a blanket and a hot chocolate and I have the feeling this isn’t the last of the angst because did you see that next time trailer??? What are they doing to us!?

[dottiep]

There are moments of great humor in Gentleman Jack, sort of little quirky moments that really make you chuckle, like when Anne is heckling Marian (Gemma Whelan), for example. How much of that sense of humor did Anne Lister actually have?

Oh, she was funny! Her travel letters that describe her relationship with her dad and Marian that she writes to her aunt who she absolutely adores are hilarious. She writes something like, “Oh God, I’m with Marian and Dad and I’ve actually sneaked out because I can’t bear to sit with them for the whole of the evening! They’re doing my head in!” She’s always calling Marian ridiculous and she kind of takes the piss out of the people in the town.

There’s a brilliant excerpt we read when we were in the library—we got to actually hold one of the real diaries, which was a real moment for me because my hands were touching where her hands were and I was kinda blown away by that!—and in it, she goes to have her image drawn by a local artist and she’s not happy with it so she goes back and asks to have the mouth changed. The image, which is actually in Anne Choma’s book, makes her look like she has a five o’clock shadow. She kept asking the artist to draw the mouth but she mentions in her diary that everyone she ever showed the portrait to just laughed at it. They’re just on the floor because it’s the most ridiculous image but she loved it because it was different.

[elvenbean]

Tag ten people you’d like to get to know better!

Thank you @f3ustrated for tagging me! :D

1. Put your playlist on shuffle and name the first four songs

Lover Of The Light - Mumford & Sons Land Of The Living - Roo Panes King of the World - First Aid Kit Soothsayer - Zack Hemsey

2. Grab the nearest book. Turn to page 23, Line 27

“Z początku krótki odcinek naziemny trzeba było pokonywać tylko nocami w jadących z pełną prędkością drezynach.”

3. Ever had a song or poem written about you?

Nope.

4. When was the last time you played air guitar?

Never. I can play real guitar but the air one is beyond my qualifications.

5. Celebrity crushes?

Emilia Clarke, Rachel Weisz and Suranne Jones. And I’m slowly getting there with Sophie Rundle too because she’s way too adorable and it’s honestly overwhelming.

7. Sounds you hate/love?

Hate: dogs barking, washing machine rumbling, loud phone conversations in public transport, nails scratching on wood/board

Love: wind, rain and thunder, cats purring, crickets, Suranne Jones’ voice

8. Do you drive, and have you ever crashed?

Yup, I drive. I have never crashed, although I was driving once with a flat tire for good several minutes before realising and that was as close to getting into an accident as I ever got.

9. Last book you read?

Gentleman Jack: A biography of Anne Lister by Angela Steidele

10. Do you believe in ghosts?

Only after seeing horror films.

11. Do you believe in aliens?

Yup, there must be something out there.

12. Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yup.

13. Last movie you saw?

Avengers: Endgame

14. Do you have an obsession right now?

Yup - Gentleman Jack!

15. Do you tend to hold grudges?

Not really. Partly because I have a horrible memory of that sort of thing, partly because when I’m actually confronted with someone, I just prefer to be nice and avoid any conflict.

I’m tagging @holmes-md @stregaomega @surannlister @halifax-jack @snakesarenteventhatbad @1830s-butch @hiccuphardbroom @marian-lister @annelistersthermometer @iredreamer and anyone who sees this post and wants to participate - tag me, if you do :D

[timehasbeenbusy]

Paris

Monday 16 May 1831

6 ¾

11 55/..

Fahrenheit 57º and fine morning at 6¾ - out at 8¼ - walked to the Muette gate of the Bois de B-Boulogne – read Le Temps back at 10¼ - dressed – breakfast – writing copy of note to Lady Stuart  de Rothesay  go go with the the isard skin and with a pair of tortoiseshell bracelets   Monsieur Batiste Luys (rue neuve Mathurins nº 45) came to vérifier l’état du lieu that he gave me on my coming here – very civil little man. –

Wrote large sized half sheet note full to Vere, prêtty small and close – her letter of Friday did me a great deal of good – delighted at her being put upon the strengthening plan, some sign that her medical man thought all the diagnosted symptoms subdued ‘never mind being obiged to consider yours a little more ‘than usual – all your friends, too, will consider you a little more; and, after all, ‘there can be nothing displeasing in that – the anxiety we feel for a person is ‘often the means of commenting or confirming a sincere and lasting regard;  and ‘the dearest blessings of our existence have often had your source in our ‘afflictions – you have, at least, added one to the circle of those you love; and,as 

‘I fancy Mrs Knox a very nice person, I trust you will always have reason to look ‘back upon your illness at Barham Lodge with more pleasure than might have ‘seemed to you possible at the moment’ -  thanks for all her information about ‘the Isle of Wight – when I last wrote way full of the thought of going back by ‘Havre, and leaving my aunt at Southampton to rest while I ran over the Isle of ‘Wight and went to the Lodge – now that plan laid aside and we go by Calais and London - can spend 2 or 3 days at the Lodge – delighted at the thought – Talk of Italy for next winter,but so uncertain dare not say much about it yet – have heard so much of the delightful air of Rome,long to go there even for breathings sake – mention dining in rue d’Angoulêine (nº 16) yesterday], ‘the happiest day I have spent since our journey ‘--------- my love to Lady Stuart ever very affectionately yours AL’

Wrote the following to Lady de Rothesay –‘my dear Lady Stuart I shall thank you very much to be so good as to take charge ‘of my note to Vere – I have slightly mentioned talking of Italy for next winter and of Rome in particular ‘Believe me my dear Lady Stuart very truly yours A Lister Monday 16 May’ 

Had just done letter and note at 4, and s[e]nt them off to ‘Miss Hobart’ encloseed with note to the ‘Lady Stuart de Rothesay’ at 4½ then the man from Berthelomots with more tortoise shell bracelets, and brought workbox for Marian people came to look at the apartment and my porter from rue St Victor nº 7 came for the key –

Then till dinner at 6 35/.. and afterwards from 8¾ to 9 20/.. wrote out except for the first 6 lines of page 112 the whole of pages 112, 113,114 and so far of this page – read Galignani as usual in the dining room and had Madame Hautecaum there and paid her her bill – coffee at 9 35/.. came to my room at 10/50..   at which hour Fahrenheit 60º and fine night and very fine day –

 Tuesday 17 May 1831

6¼

1 10/..

Fahrenheit 54½º at 6¼ and fine morning – fifty minutes lying in the bed how miserably foolish – from 8 10/.. to 10 50/.. (except ½ hour reading Le Temps and writing 2 or 3 lines to ‘Mrs Hamilton rue de Matiguon nº 10’ to ask if I may send the carriage for her at 2) Cataloguing my books – but did very few – I got on very slowly – determined to call instead of writing to Lady Stuart] de Rothesay] – breakfast at10 55/.. 

Note then arrived from Mrs Hamilton to say she was going to Madame Appony’s breakfast and would call before 2 – dressed – out at 1 10/.. to Laffittes now [Thire] Laffitte nº 36 – exchange 25/15 – got 2012-13 =1999 for £80 got 65/80 of Isabella Norcliffe’s debt, and desired the rest, 24/- to be placed on my account to the charge of her next dividend – home in about ½ hour in time for Mrs Hamilton who came at 1 50/.. for about ¼ hour

At 2½ out ag[ai]n – dr[ove] to L[ad]y St[uar]t’s ga[ve] h[e]r the Isard skin b[u]t said it would do itself no credit it by Lady Stuart’s leopard skin and I thought she had better give it me back again, in which case I should consider it as a cadeau of hers and value it – no! if I had no objection to its lying under Lord Stuart’s bureau (writing desk) she would keep it – then took out the two pair tortoise shell bracelets – I had waited said she in surprise – as if she evidently did not believe the evidence of her ears – I repeated what I had said –‘Well! I certainly never thought they were for me or perhaps for the smaller pair thinking the others too large for her when she tried them on before ‘What!’ I should have made a better fight’ -  I said they had no real value and therefore

I should of course interpret my own way her thinking them worth accepting – she certainly seemed pleased at my attention I said I had thought of the bracelets ever since new years day and never had had more pleasure about getting anything – she afterwards shewed me her collection of bracelets saying she had never bought one one of them has a date on it ‘Oh’ said she ‘I was looking for them and shall have the paper and date and al’.l 

She afterwards took a turn with me round the garden in fact tho it would be difficult to say positively she likes me I some how fancy she does – Lady Mexborough had written in my album some lines from Lord Byron – beautifully written out – praised the hand – Lady Stuart said Lady Mexborough did write very well – far the better of the family – ah! said I to Lady Stuart ‘but after all I really like your hand better than any one I ever saw’, I hoped she would write me at least a line or 2 – said I had kept one of her notes as a model of writing – Little Lou had done me a very nice little drawing, Charles and Lady Sarah Stuart to write me something.  Lord Granville called for about 10 minutes a ¼ hour while I was there – took a box.

Refernce Number SH:7/ML/E/14/0061

[iredreamer]

Hi Irene, thank so much you for giving us more details about Anne's diaries. I am dying to find out more about Anne's relationship with Marian. On the show Marian loves her sister very much - when she invited Mr Abbott over and Anne didn't show up to tea she was so angry because she really wanted Anne to be as supportive of her as Marian was of Anne and Ann shacking up. I'm just wondering if you could shed any light on the sisters' relationship IRL and whether Marian got married. Thanks! xoxo.

Hi! Well, their relationship was, I’d say, a love/hate relationship. They discussed a lot about inheritance, Marian couldn’t get over the fact that uncle James had left everything to Anne and nothing to her and she did blame Anne for their uncle’s decision. It makes me laugh because they’re like: “I will not leave you anything” “okay fINe then, I AM NOT gonna leave you anything either” lol. Some events Anne writes about (some of which we also saw in the series):

May 10, 1832 / Long talk with Marian – she will not leave me anything – I shall go & make my will & not name her.

August 2, 1832 / Staid talking to Marian…. about will-making… she quite set at liberty by my uncle to do whatever she chose with what she had – she might leave it to anyone who pleased her in politics… On my quietly saying that, when it came to the point, she would leave what she had, as might be just [ie fair] & not to any political speculator and Cobbett of his day - she said, ‘Well! If she had a will to make she should perhaps asterisk [ie omit] everybody’… Marian never shews the smallest intention of leaving anything to me – tout au contraire – that I have no reason to think of leaving her anything…

August 12, 1832 / Marian came – long talk with her – on her leaving me nothing - tho’ [I said] my uncle’s wishes about the Shibden estate were not my fault…. Marian said, [that as] I had said I would not be named with the Inmans, what could she do, if she left them one part & me the other. I said I thought that would be odd enough: I, her sister, & those [Inman] children only cousins-once-removed. ‘Well’, she [Marian] would marry & hoped to have a child & that would settle all. Begged she would not marry for that… From all she had said, I expected nothing from her - & we would both be alike, both do the same (hinting at my leaving her nothing.) She had said I ought not to have taken [ie inherited] my uncle’s property on such conditions. I said I would rather have it on the conditions than not at all.

They also discussed about Anne staying out till late without saying anything to anyone. Marian was pissed about that and told her not to do that anymore, Anne was mostly annoyed when her sister told her what to do.

In March 1833 something happens that’s quite interesting and will result in the two sisters bonding (this is a possible spoiler for next ep). Before leaving England Anne requests a £2,000 letter of credit from Rawson’s Bank. Christopher Rawson informs Marian that Anne had taken out the loan against the deeds to Shibden, this of course was not true. Marian was pissed and so was Anne, she writes in her diary: 

March 5, 1833 / I said I had never offered any such thing. Explained, then got my business letter book, and read her the copies of the two letters, one to Mr Briggs and one to Mr Rawson I had written on the subject. Marian struck at the unfairness of Mr R’s conduct - thought it was a fetch to get to know how Shibden was left… She owned, she thought, that if anything happened to his wife, he would be very glad to take her, if by so doing he could get Shibden.

On 22nd of April 1833, Anne confronts Christopher Rawson about what happened and defends Marian. Anne shows another sign of affection in June 1833 commissioning a painting of the Shibden Dale for her sister.

In 1834 their relationship takes a positive turn and Anne even speaks about Ann Walker to Marian: “Stood talking to Marian near an hour till after 7 in the hall. Laughed and asked which would suit me best - M [Mariana], or Miss W-? She thought the latter would be more convenient.” Anne also helps her sister reject George Brearley’s unwanted attentions (she writes to him telling him to leave her sister alone lol).

In 1836 Marian moved to Market Weighton and Anne commissioned for her a bespoke writing box as a leaving present. About the moment of departure Anne writes: “Marian stood talking as if she had no resolution to leave me - poor Marian! My heart aches for her and for myself.”

In her diary Anne calls Marian “cock of the dung-hill” lol

Sources: Gentleman Jack: The Real Anne Lister (Anne Choma); Nature’s Domain: Anne Lister and the Landscape of Desire (Jill Liddington).

[iredreamer]

random thoughts about Gentleman Jack 2x01

Marian sewing Anne’s button on her cuff was poetic cinema and this is why:

I love seeing people take care of clothes in period dramas, it’s historically accurate and makes the characters more human and real.

They used the visuals of mending and then cutting the thread as a metaphor for Anne’s relationship with Ann Walker and Mariana Lawton – I love love LOVE how we see Marian sewing the button on while she and Anne talk about Ann Walker, and then when they start talking about Mariana we see Marian finally cutting the thread, freeing Anne from staying still while she finished the work but also metaphorically freeing her from Mariana’s hold. Just fucking loved it. I feel like this scene is telling us what is gonna happen between these three women: Ann Walker is the one who’ll put the pieces back together when Anne breaks down later on in the series, while Mariana, well... bye bye M-

I loved all the shots of the rings – yes, give it to me, show me they’re married every chance we get, thank you very much I appreciate it a lot. Keep telling me their marriage is at the center of the show like that, love it, a dream come true. Also hands, you know?

“Don’t you ever tell my aunt anything about me, ever again!” – I don’t know if I have deep thoughts about this I just loved it in a completely irrational way. I love this side of Ann Walker. I love how we can see at different moments in the episode how she stands up for herself, how she contrasts Anne Lister if necessary, how she negotiates things and agrees to them only when she’s actually sure about them.

I am IN LOVE with Ann Walker’s caring touches – What can I say? Ann Walker has grown so much from last season and we can already see that in this first episode. The “It breaks my heart when you’re angry” she says to Anne was so moving – just think about Ann Walker last season: when she was upset she used to get it all out without really thinking about how it would make Anne feel (1x04 & 1x05) – in this first episode we still see a bit of that but she’s already become more thoughtful and considerate in the way she shares what she feels. I absolutely love how she can read right through Anne and immediately understand what she needs – she shows her warmth and love with caring touches and it is a beautiful love language we’re starting to see.

Ann Walker literally owns my entire life, she was probably my favorite thing of the whole episode. (also rings, again, love it)

Mariana looking into the camera pissed me off but it was genius – let’s be real for a sec, at first I didn’t like this one bit, like no-no, didn’t like it at all, I actually screamed at the end of the episode BUT but after a couple of rewatches I now believe it is almost a genius choice to have Mariana break the 4th wall here, and this is why. I already went through what breaking the 4th wall means in Gentleman Jack – we know why Anne does it and we know that other characters can do it (i.e. Marian) – now, Mariana Lawton looks at us at the end of the episode because she’s taking control of the narrative, it’s a power move – that look shows us that she’s ready to do all necessary to get Anne back and start trouble. It’s a challenging look. In her mind she is Anne Lister’s wife, she is her woman, she is the “co-protagonist” if you will – not Ann Walker – that’s why she’s looking at us. And for me it also shows us that Anne is not as much in control of the whole thing as she likes to think.

The Ann(e)s married dynamic sends me into the stratosphere – I love their new dynamic. I love the happiness on both their faces when they’re together and I love how they are already operating as a team – “First and foremost, we must respect ourselves, and each other, and what we want.” – I love how they communicate, how they talk about what needs to be done, why and how. My favourite bit was probably the calm conversation they had in Anne’s bedroom towards the end of the episode. It’s them against the world and they know it. 

Now on a more frivolous and light note...the fact that you could tell they wanted to jump each other bones in every scene is what I’m here for. I mean, we knew Ann Walker was thirsty af but good lord Miss Lister is hungry just as much – here look at Anne checking Ann Walker out and rolling her tongue while doing it.

Just wanna end this saying that I’m here for Anne realising she’s in love with Ann, oh yes!

[iredreamer]

Master-post: Anne Lister content on this blog.

During this past year I’ve been collection info, transcribing journal entries and answering questions about Anne Lister. I thought it was time to properly tag everything...

This is a “master-post” with everything that is currently on this blog about the real Anne Lister.

My tags are mostly organized by topic since a lot of the discussions we’ve had during this time are focused on meanings and interpretations rather than un-edited transcriptions of the journals. Journal entries will also have a chronological tagging system (by year).

Anne Lister & Ann Walker: • courtship (#AL and AW: courtship) • reunion (#AL and AW: reunion) • married life (#AL and AW: married life) • anniversary (#AL and AW: anniversary) • problems (#AL and AW: problems) • backgammon (#AL and AW: backgammon) • travelling (#AL and AW: travelling)

Anne Lister (specific topics): • appearance (#anne lister: appearance) • nature (#anne lister: nature) • family (#anne lister: family) • sexuality (#anne lister: sexuality) • sex life (#anne lister: sex life) • oral sex (#anne lister: oral sex) • STI (#anne lister: STI) • her father paying a female prostitute (#anne lister: her father paying a female prostitute) • Christmas 1834 (#anne lister: christmas 1834) • thermometer (#anne lister: thermometer) • tinderbox (#anne lister: tinderbox) • french (#anne lister: french) • “Fred” (#anne lister: fred) • “Gentleman Jack” (#anne lister: jack) • walker pit (#anne lister: walker pit) • tenants (#anne lister: tenants) • politics (#anne lister: politics) • rank (#anne lister: rank)

Anne’s journal: • code (#anne lister: code) • symbols (#anne lister: symbols) • plain hand (#anne lister: plain hand) • earliest journal (#anne lister: earliest journal)

Anne Lister (terminology): • “having a kiss” (#anne lister: having a kiss) • “queer” (#anne lister: queer) • “incurred a cross” (#anne lister: incurred a cross) • “going to Italy” (#anne lister: going to italy) • “grubbling” (#anne lister: grubbling) • “being near” (#anne lister: being near) • “monsieur” (#anne lister: monsieur) • “dinky” (#anne lister: dinky) • “a little play” (#anne lister: play)

Anne Lister &: • Eliza Raine (#anne lister: eliza raine) • Mariana Lawton (#AL and ML) • Miss Browne (#anne lister: miss browne) • Maria Barlow (#anne lister: maria barlow) • Princess Radziwil (#anne lister: princess radziwil) • Madame Galvani (#anne lister: madame galvani) • The Ladies of Llangollen (#anne lister: llangollen)

Ann Walker (specific topics): • appearance (#ann walker: appearance) • mental health (#ann walker: mental health) • eating disorder (#ann walker: eating disorder) • family (#ann walker: family) • birthday (#ann walker: birthday) • “Adney” (#ann walker: adney) • Ainsworth (#ann walker: ainsworth) • the tribe (#ann walker: the tribe) • Ann Walker’s diary (#ann walker: diary) • after Anne Lister’s death (#ann walker: after AL death)

people (general): • Anne Lister (#real people: anne lister) • Ann Walker (#real people: ann walker) • Marian Lister (#real people: marian lister) • Aunt Anne Lister (#real people: aunt anne lister) • Jeremy Lister (real people: jeremy lister) • Rebecca Lister (real people: rebecca lister) • Mariana Lawton (#real people: mariana lawton) • Dr. Stephen Belcombe (#real people: dr steph belcombe) • Aunt Ann Walker (#real people: aunt ann walker) • Cordingley (#anne lister: cordingley) • Sam Sowden (#real people: sam sowden) • George Pickles (#real people: george pickles) • John Booth (#real people: john booth) • George Playforth (#real people: george playforth)

places: • Shibden (#topic: shibden hall) • Crow Nest (#topic: crow nest) • Lidgate (#topic: lidgate) • Cliff Hill (#topic: cliff hill) • New House (#topic: new house)

journal transcriptions: • all posts [+] (includes every post with a passage from Anne’s journal) • year: 1806-1814 / 1816 / 1817 / 1818 / 1819 / 1820 / 1821 / 1822 / 1823 / 1824 / 1825 / 1826 / 1827 / 1828 / 1829 / 1830 / 1831 / 1832 / 1833 / 1834 / 1835 / 1836 / 1837 / 1838 / 1839 / 1840

full transcriptions: SH:7/ML/E/26/1 (1806-1814) / SH:7/ML/E/26/2 (Aug-Nov 1816) / SH:7/ML/E/26/3 (Nov 1816-Mar 1817) / SH:7/ML/E/1 (21 Mar 1817-25 Jan 1818)

Transcription blog > @listertranscriptions (here you’ll find the unedited transcriptions I’m working on as a volunteer of the Anne Lister Diary Transcription Project)

I loved sharing, researching and talking with all of you about this brilliant woman. Let’s keep doing it!

[iredreamer]

[1] Love your blog :) Reading about your GJ scene breakdowns, are there any scenes you really like that maybe you haven’t talked about because they don’t really involve the Ann(e)s. I have a few, which I decided on after I realized I couldn’t choose a favorite episode. Would love to hear your thoughts on them or any others. Besides all of the Ann(e) scenes (because obviously), the scenes I really like are:

athenaismyplace asked: [2] ep. 1, Anne in bed caressing Aunt Anne’s legs during the Dr. Kenny visit, love the caring and intimacy that showed. ep. 2, Vere being delighted to see Anne at her wedding, the idea that a real caring friendship came out of that heartbreak is nice. ep. 7, Marianna seeing Anne in that dress, her surprise and Anne’s “Really?” kill me. I think at that moment she was maybe caught off guard by the idea that Anne could be beautiful. ep 8, Anne’s face at that girl saying “Miss Lister likes trouble.”

hey :) hello! thank you so much! Like you I can’t choose a favorite episode, they’re all so good and it’s just impossible to pick a favorite. I love the scenes you picked that don’t involve the Ann(e)s, I’m gonna talk about them a little and then tell you what are my two favorite scenes that don’t involve the Ann(e)s :)

1. About the scene with aunt Anne in ep. 1, I totally agree with you. Right from the first ep. that little scene shows us how much Anne cares about her aunt and how much she worries about her health. And I love how she just stays there with her aunt like no one is in the room, talking and gossiping a little. Every single scene with just the two of them is so loving and warm but at the same time kinda nostalgic, it’s a strange mix but I love it.

2. One thing I love about the scene with Vere in episode 2, is Anne saying: “Our time on Earth is brief. And we should all strive to make the most of it. And be as happy as we can be.” – I love the fact that she’s saying it more to herself than to Vere. And I genuinely believe Vere when she says – “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I was always very fond of you. You must know that. I’m just… Not like that.” – I think she really was one of the few women who were not attracted to Anne but just appreciated her as a friend and nothing more.

3. The scene in episode 7: Mariana seeing Anne in a dress kinda breaks my heart. You can see that Anne doesn’t feel comfortable wearing that dress and the – “Really?” – is not of positive surprise but rather a “Why do you find me beautiful in this? I look ridiculous.” It was one of the most relatable scenes for me because every time someone is like “Oh god you should try on a dress, you’d look AMAZING” I’m like “???? what are you even talking about?”. The way Suranne showed discomfort in how she carried herself in that dress, and the fact that just putting that on made Anne Lister look not as confident, strong and attractive as she was with her regular clothes on, is A+ acting. That scene was not a: “Oh look how much more beautiful Anne would be if she just dressed in a more feminine way”, it was a: “Oh god look how wrong would that be if she dressed in a more feminine way” and I LOVED IT. It’s refreshing and it’s true to life. The fact that Mariana was surprised and thought that Anne looked beautiful in that dress breaks my heart because for me it shows that Mariana doesn’t really appreciate Anne for who she really is. I mean, Anne was visibly uncomfortable and yet Mariana didn’t even notice it.

4. I loved Sophie Ferrall so much lol not gonna lie.

Now, about my favorite scenes that don’t involve the Ann(e)s… The first one is the one in episode 2 between Ann Walker and Catherine Rawson. The way Ann firmly and passionately talks about Anne Lister and defends her shows us that she’s not some gullible, simple girl that can be easily manipulated. And I love it. – “No, I’ll tell you why they say it. Because she’s unusual and singular and clever, and because she doesn’t conform to the way people think a woman should look or think or be. That’s why. Miss Lister is one of the nicest, kindest, most clever and interesting people I have ever met, so you can tell that to your people.” –  She has her own opinion, she’s strong in her own way, and she’s not gonna let people tell her what to think or do.

And of course I love Ann’s reaction when Catherine asks her – “So she’s never tried to– to touch you or anything?” – Ann says: “Don’t be absurd” – but her brain is like “Oh god, being touched by Anne Lister…touched how, where? everywhere? Oh god I might faint.”

Catherine asks: “Are you taking your drawing things and your watercolors?” – while a rated R movie is playing in AW’s head and her – “Yes, of course” – is so high pitched it cracks me up lol poor baby… in that moment she’s having an epiphany and her body is basically waking up but CR is RIGHT THERE so she tries to conceal, don’t feel, don’t let her knoooow!!!! But we know Ann, we know… It’s written all over your face that you’re thinking about Anne Lister touching you.

And, at the end of the scene, the way Ann looks at herself in the mirror is the cherry on top. Our little lesbian is on a mission from that moment on. Her expression is like: “I will do everything in my power to be kissed and touched by Anne Lister, I will make it happen!” (and, oh yes, she will make it happen, yes yes) and I love it.

And here we also have the metaphor of the mirror, the mirror that reflects truth, that shows the real you, your real desires, and makes you come to terms with who you really are and what you really want. I’m not gonna go into details about what the mirror symbolizes but, in Gentleman Jack, the mirror is an element that holds quite a lot of meaning. Just to name other interesting scenes where the mirror is used as a symbol to tell us more about what is happening: episode 7, AL looking in the mirror before going away and of course at the end of that same episode, both AL and AW looking in the mirror at the same time and feeling a sort of connection.

The other scene I love is also about Ann Walker. It’s the scene in episode 8 where she finally leaves her sister’s house. Again, I just really love seeing Ann taking control of her life and just telling people they don’t understand shit. That’s my favorite thing about her. When I watched it for the first time, the way she says – “I’ll deal with it!” – and then the way she speaks to Captain Sutherland got me screaming at my screen like “YAS!!! YOU GO GIRL” and then when she says – “Everything, from now on, when it comes to me, is my decision.” – I was like “YAS GO GET YOUR GIRL GO GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL GIRL WHO’S A MESS WITHOUT YOU!! GO, YOU LITTLE LESBIAN, GO!”.

Special mention goes to the scene of Ann at Shibden asking for AL’s address lol that scene is gold!!!! Marian cracks me up I love her she’s the best I just can’t with her. And then my fav part of that scene: “She isn’t in Copenhagen. She’s here.”

Ann’s little – “Here?” – kills me because till that moment she was like “Oh look at me being confident and bold, asking addresses, walking like I own the place” and then she goes into gay panic mode in one sec lol it’s sweet and yeah, I love it and I just really love Ann Walker…

One thing I absolutely love about Gentleman Jack, is how the show makes it clear that everything that was happening between the Ann(e)s was happening because Ann Walker really really wanted it to happen. Ann Walker’s scenes (the ones without Anne Lister) are fundamental, they leave no room for interpretation, they make it crystal clear that Ann Walker is not being manipulated and that Anne Lister is not being “predatory”. In this way GJ manages to kill all the stupid lesbian tropes not giving people the slightest chance to say stupid shit about the Ann(e)s’ dynamic being “toxic” or whatever.

[iredreamer]

Firstly, I am so grateful for all the hard work you put into decoding the diaries and explaining them to us. They are really interesting to read, and your insight goes along so well with it! It also made me realise that there is quite a difference to the show, in the fact that the real people were real and had there problems and flaws. The story of Ann Walker kind of breaks my heart, she really did suffer. Hopefully she suffered less with Anne, but what happened after? Did she die sad and alone?

Thank you! Well, yes, I think we should absolutely keep fictional Anne Lister & fictional Ann Walker and real life Anne Lister & real life Ann Walker separate from each other at least when discussing the show. The series is a series and clearly a lot of things and aspects of the Ann(e)s’ relationship have been romanticized and updated to appeal to a 21st century audience, we should never forget this. This is also why I think that we can (and absolutely should) analyze and discuss the character’s choices and motives (and at times their feelings as well) separately from the real ones. Yes, at times, knowing what the real Ann(e)s went through can help understand more the fictional Ann(e)s, but real life was very different and not always as romantic as it is depicted on screen, obviously this doesn't take anything away from how beautiful the Ann(e)s’ relationship is in the series.

About Ann Walker. Well, She suffered from depression, anxiety and religious mania her whole life. AL was the only one who tried everything she could to restore AW’s health, there’s not doubt about that, before their marriage and during their marriage. She also was the only one who kinda understood that what was troubling Ann was “in her mind” and that sometimes she couldn’t do much about it. So, yes, I definitely think Anne Lister did her good, she for sure did the best she could to alleviate some of Ann’s pain.

After Anne’s death in 1840, Ann Walker lived at Shibden till 1843 when she was declared “of unsound mind” and forcibly removed. It seems that after Anne Lister’s death Ann Walker wrote out her will giving £300 annuity to Marian Lister and leaving the estate to her nephew. During the three years she spent at Shibden she tried to carry on with estate business as best as she could (she was not as skillful as Anne Lister), she did extensive researches into the Walker family history and apparently went through Anne Lister’s papers and diaries. She started to be ill with tubercolosis in 1842 [Moving Between Worlds]. 

Two events about her estate and the way she handled them led to her being declared insane by her family. Quoting from Moving Between Worlds: “On the 11 June 1842 Ann Walker signed an agreement with the Manchester & Leeds Railway for the purchase of some land in Halifax which they needed for the new train station. They agreed to pay her £1,000 (...) In the 27 of September 1842 her long-time steward Samuel Washington signed a purchase agreement on her behalf with a man named Horncastle for the purchase of some property. Later Ann Walker expressed surprise about the purchase. Her signature is not on the agreement, and it is possible that she knew nothing about it.” 

Long story short, after all this, Ann Walker publicly states her opposition to the railway and she also refuses to pay Horncastle money she did not agree to pay in the first place (but that he said she agreed to pay). Since AW was not honoring her agreement with Horncastle (an agreement she didn’t make) one of her solicitors writes a letter to Ann’s sister “suggesting that her signature and the opinion of two medical men would be needed to declare Ann Walker a person of unsound mind”. So, to keep up appearances, the Walkers, with Elizabeth Sutherland’s signature and the help of two doctors, manage to put Ann Walker into an asylum.

If you read the whole Chapter Eight of Moving Between Worlds (quite long and detailed) you’ll get how much her family, and everyone around her, did her dirty. 

It looks like the letters Ann Walker wrote during those years (business letters) were perfectly clear, logical and coherent. The fact that Ann Walker was removed from Shibden and declared insane because people didn’t like the way she handled her estate and because her family was more concerned about appearances (and money) than her well being, is so sad it makes me angry.

She died (at Cliff Hill) on 25 February 1854.

So, yes, Ann Walker’s story is very tragic and it breaks my heart too. From what I’ve read about her, even if there’s not much, it seems that she had an interesting strength within her and that despite all her problems she fought as much as she could to navigate life in the way she wanted.