#reading multiple books by an author you notice some of their ideas on relationships

[dollfat]

if adam and ethan manage not to kill each other, they could be in a very happy 4 way quarple with kate and teresa. we've barely heard from the womens pov but from both the men it seems like classic soulmates. the married partners didnt cheat out of lack of love but from an abundance of it. rip harold but he was a consolation husband in the first place. if any of the 4 die this whole trilogy is worth nothing.

[blingblong55]

The tiny problems- 141

Based on a request:

I've had this brain worm for the last 2 weeks and I cant get it out. Do you think you could write something with Cod G/t? I'm thinking like a fic with a tiny!y/n, ghost, soap and gaz and giant!price. Maybe something like Price finding little borrowers in his office taking things off his desk? Thank you sm! I love your writing so much!! P.s. I might be sending this same cod g/t kind of prompt to other authors as well. I WILL BE CHANGING THE PROMPT! I just want to see everyone's take on cod g/t. So if you're uncomfortable with multiple authors also writing something maybe similar to this, I understand and you can just ignore this. Thank you🩷🩷 ---- GN!Reader, tiny/giant au, tiny!RN, tiny!Soap, tiny!Gaz, tiny!Ghost, gentle giant!Price, fluff, platonic!relationship ----

A/N: I Fell in love with this idea so…here I am

It is unique, to be Price and live in a comfortable home and have his kind of problems. He lived alone, far from society, and in the woods, it was cosy. Cosy cabin, with delicious food, and a nice fireplace. What more could a man his height need?

Every day, he would sit on his desk, and read the local newspaper and some books. He would laugh or shake his head when he would read some paragraph. Little did he know, he had some of the cutest and tiniest infestations in his home. Ghost, Gaz, Soap and R/N, tiny humans that live in the woods and who have found a home in the Giant Man's home, Price. As the day went on for John, he noticed a few things move around his home. His coffee mug, reading glasses and bonnie hat, all moved around his home.

At night, he heard something move and he rushed to look around his home for any intruder. And then he saw it, his hat moved across his desk and a little foot could still be seen. He sighs, a baseball bat in hand, he lifts the hat and the four tiny humans scream. Price is about to swing the bat when he puts it down, "What the hell-?" he kneels and looks at the tiny humans on his desk. Soap has R/N hidden behind him, Ghost guarding Gaz. "What are you doing here?" Price asks softly. "We needed shelter for the winter." Ghost responds.

"Shelter?"

"Yes, the winter is coming and our home was ruined." Soap says.

"hm, and you have been without a home so…you came to mine?"

"Yes and we are sorry for not saying a word but we didn't expect a.. well-" Ghost replies.

"Giant?"

"Yes, a giant like yourself to live here," Gaz says

"Who is the other little one?" Price asks about you.

"Oh this is R/N, they are a little shy."

From behind Soap, you wave at Price. "Look, you all look old enough to be adults, so we'll make a deal, I let you live here as long as you don't go moving my stuff around or disturbing my peace."

"You got a deal," Ghost took his hand out, Price confused gave his index finger to shake hands with Ghost. "So, what are all of your names?" "I'm Ghost, this is Gaz, Soap and R/N." "Right, well, good night." Price walks back out, probably thinking this was just some weird dream after eating that soup for dinner.

By morning, he woke up to the smell of wood burning and after a rush to the fireplace, he found the four tiny humans all cuddled together near a small fire. He sighs and goes to his room for something to cover them all up with. After looking through clean laundry, he finds an old scarf, which he then places on you all and sighs. He cooked breakfast, went out of his way served a small plate for the four humans to share and then whistled. Soap being the first to get startled wakes the others up. "Oi, I made breakfast, you either come or I give it to the dog." And just like that, he found himself helping the four tiny humans to the table.

Days turned to weeks and months. Price eventually stopped rolling his eyes at Soap's jokes or Gaz's questions and soon found himself making little chairs, spoons, plates, beds, and ladders. He dedicated a room all to the four humans who brought purpose to his life once more. As the harsh January winter arrives, he finds that his little companions begin to sleep in his bed. When asked, R/N responded, "You bring us some comfort and…your bed is the cosiest and warmest of all."

These little friends he created became his lifeline, if he was sick, if he was tired, sad, happy, or emotional, they were there for him and him for them. Soon enough, when Spring arrives, Price lets them know it is okay to stay, that they have become a part of his daily life and he would enjoy their company all year round and when he says it, Ghost appears with an offering.

A handmade scarf, made from the tiny hands of his tiny and funny friends. Now, as he finds new things he is passionate about, he also finds new things to love about the world around him. For example, he loves that now, he doesn't have an empty home, there are people he can finally talk to and even though his problems seem different to theirs, the problems all seem to be equal in some ways.

Tiny problems, now becoming his reason to smile and laugh and even the very reason why he finds himself learning how to cook and wrap birthday or Christmas gifts. In this world, there are many problems and sometimes, if John knows he is looking too deep into them, he can take a step back and look at his four favourite tiny problems.

Tags:

@warenai @liyanahelena @avaleigh16 @the-royal-bee @enarien @johfaam0 @froggy-anon @goldenmclaren @frazie99 @spicypicklesoh @tiredmetalenthusiast @jinxxangel13 @luvecarson @willowaftxn83-87 @saoirse06

[ur-sick-and-married]

jb and Lucy x reader at the Grammys and people trying to figure out who's reader date not realizing it's both of them.

ON YOUR ARM(S)

(Julien Baker x Lucy Dacus x reader)

TW: polyamory

SUMMARY: your girlfriend’s fans are confused when they show up with a plus one…

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’m hoping this cheers some folks up after the election. Sending love to whoever needs it🫂

------------------------------------------------

It was the morning after the Grammys, where your girlfriends had won multiple awards. You were insanely proud of them, yet slightly shocked that you had attended such a huge thing, as were they. All three of you were lying in bed, resting. It had been a really late night, and you were exhausted, but so, so happy.

Julien was lying in Lucy’s lap, her back pressed to Lucy’s chest. They were reading a book that Lucy held, while you scrolled through your phone. They were always touching you in some way; playing with your hair, stroking your arm, holding your hand.

You were looking through Instagram, when you found a boygenius fan account. The post was discussing the band at the Grammys, and many people in the comments were questioning the mysterious plus one that tagged along. Curious, you went onto the page and looked at the recent posts.

You knew it was probably a bad idea. Lucy and Julien had practically trained you to stay out of posts about them. There would always be some shitty comment.

But you just wanted a peek. Just wanted to see what everyone was thinking.

And what you saw made you laugh.

Everyone was so confused. There were blurry photos of you and Lucy, and some of you and Julien, and some of all three of you. Julien’s hand was constantly on your waist or back, which could’ve meant nothing. Yet, it was almost a possessive move, and her hand was always quite low. Lucy seemed to be more coupley; she held your hand, hugged you, kissed your head, and even left a lipstick smudge on your forehead. She had also left a smudge on Julien’s face. When it was the three of you, it seemed platonic, until the way you all looked at each other got noticed.

The fandom was chaotic. There were so many discussions. So many TikToks. So many Tweets. There might have been a Reddit thread mentioned…it was crazy…and hilarious.

“What’s so funny?” Lucy asked, looking over at you.

You scooted close to them, still giggling.

“People are so confused…” You said.

They each looked at your phone while you explained, somewhat breathlessly, and by the time they understood, they were laughing too.

“They don’t know…what to think!” Julien exclaimed.

“Jesus…have they ever seen a poly couple?” You were gasping for air.

Lucy was too busy wiping her tears to comment.

After you calmed down, then started laughing again, and calmed down again, you started to discuss what to do.

“I was going to post something anyway…” You contemplated. “I could post that photo of us kissing your cheek, Luce…”

“Feels too hardcore…” Julien hummed, always the hesitant one.

“We could make this even more funny.” Lucy said.

You and Julien looked at her, intrigued.

“We could really milk this out and keep being confusing.” She explained. “Me and Julien never post anywhere…but you do, babe. You could post either of us occasionally, just to mess with people…”

“I like this idea more than a hard launch.” You smirked.

“You two are evil.” Julien groaned, dragging a hand down her face.

“But wouldn’t it be fun?” You grinned, and nuzzled into her shoulder.

“It wouldn’t be as intense as announcing our relationship…” Lucy said right in her ear.

“Well…” Julien sighed.

“It’ll be fun, Jules…” You whispered. “And not nerve-wracking.”

“I am quite wracked with nerves, hm?” Julien joked.

“I didn’t want to say so…but yeah.” Lucy smiled.

You and Lucy continued to talk softly, practically making a pros list. Eventually, Julien interrupted.

“You know what? Fine!” She said. “We have to be discreet, though…this can’t seem like it’s planned out.”

“Don’t worry about that.” You smiled.

“You won’t regret this, Julien,” Lucy grinned. “It’ll be hilarious.”

You plotted for a bit, figuring out how to do this just right.

About a week later, you started being ominous. You posted a photo of Julien on your Instagram story. You two had gone on a date, yet it looked like a friendship thing to the fans. A little while after that, you posted a silly picture of Lucy in a photo dump.

This went on and on. Some people were figuring things out, since Lucy had said that she was polyamorous on your friend’s podcast, Gayotic. Some people didn’t like it. Most were still confused.

You and Lucy had been right. It was hysterical.

[maingh0st]

thoughts on holly black's tithe

fair warning that this isn't really going to be a book review—I went into this book predisposed to enjoying it, and I generally had a good time. rather than a comprehensive review, I just have some loose silos of thoughts I wanted to share. it's still a long post, but I'm not attempting to cover everything! so without further ado (some spoilers ahead):

let's get this out of the way

Tithe was Holly Black's debut YA novel, and it reads like it. it's a good debut—she's clearly a skillful author even this early in her career—but there are some choices (pacing, phrasing, etc) that read as slightly amateur. one of these choices was, in my opinion, including multiple POVs. maybe this is a controversial take, but I would've enjoyed this book more if Roiben's POV hadn't been included. it would've increased narrative tension, led to more intrigue about his character, and allowed us to get to know him along with Kaye (rather than being privy to his secrets and Deep Inner Turmoil from the jump).

I can't remember where I saw this, but someone said that reading Tithe feels like talking to a teen who's just figured out they can swear & make sex jokes, and yeah, that's accurate—but I also found it strangely endearing. Kaye is a teen, and her ~quirky~ teenager-ish musings on boys, alcohol, fashion, etc feel believable. which leads, unfortunately, to the next thing I've gotta address:

Kaye is 16 years old, and most of the time, she reads like a 16 year old. on the other hand, we're never told Roiben's exact age, but the man has lived a lot of life by the time we meet him. now I'm pretty lenient toward the idea that the Folk age differently than humans, so it's not really an exact number that's the issue, but the sheer chasm in life experience between them. I quite enjoyed both characters on their own, and conceptually, I feel like they work well together on a personality level, but yikes guys. the story even highlights that Kaye hasn't gotten her license yet because of her age; meanwhile, Roiben is waxing melodramatic about how many people he's killed in his years of tortured servitude to his evil queen. this age gap combined with the insta-lovey nature of their relationship* made this book feel... well, about as dated as it is.

*they have great chemistry once they're actually having conversations & getting to know one another! I really enjoyed their banter! but that's well into the book, and well after they've already been acting mutually infatuated

laughs nervously while looking at sjm

okay I'm not going to harp on the above points, I just wanted to get them out of the way. but now let's play a game: let me tell you about a plot from a popular YA novel, and you tell me which book I'm describing.

there is an evil queen with beautiful red hair and pale skin. she holds her court beneath a large hill. the court itself is ghastly—full of bloodshed, debauchery, riddles, and cruel games. unfortunately, an immortal fey man has found himself magically bound to her power, and while he tries to carve out pockets of agency in minor ways, his forced loyalty to his queen requires him to compromise his morals and cultivate a fearsome, bloody reputation.

a young woman who was raised in the human world finds herself swept up in the machinations of this court. the man fears for her, because she is vulnerable, but her presence also makes him feel hope, and her strength and cleverness surprise him. many shenanigans ensue, and they kill the wicked queen.

I mean. there are notable differences, of course, but I just noticed too many acotar parallels. anyways. holly black did it better

reading a faerie's pov

I've already established that I love Kaye, but guys, I really do love Kaye. I love that she takes initiative and moves the plot along (breaking her glamour too early is a great example of this—she could've gone along with the Grand Plan, but her curiosity led her to act faster). I like that Holly allows her to be selfish and think ugly things, but still try to do good and be kind. I know these books have less buzz than tfota, but I find myself fascinated that there's not really Discourse about the Kenny situation (for a tldr: Kenny is Kaye's best friend's boyfriend. Kaye accidentally glamours him to be infatuated with her. when she learns how to remove that glamour, she first takes the time to taunt him publicly and humiliate him with his own desire for her. personally, I like that Holly wrote her doing this and then feeling remorse about it, but it is objectively pretty shitty, both to him and to her best friend).

I also like the way Kaye is believably fey. she's playful and blunt and mostly uncaring about social conventions. repeatedly throughout the book, she'll make a decision without deliberating on it beforehand (which at first, as a reader, feels jarring), but then as she's facing the consequences, she processes her choice and often feels regret or course-corrects in some way. it feels very fae to jump into something because it seems fun, then only once you're in the thick of it realize that Oops, My Actions Have Consequences

threads left undone/questions that weren't answered—or maybe I'm a bad reader

who tried to kill Roiben at the beginning of the book? it's a Seelie arrow, but I thought there would be more plot relevance to this attempt on his life. do Seelie fae often try to murder him? it seemed like a significant one-off event, but as it stands at the end of Tithe, it was just the narrative's way of leading Kaye to find him

Kaye pricked her finger on a thorn in Lloyd's jacket pocket, and I now understand that this was (I guess?) meant to connect Lloyd to Nephamael (the knight with the thorn-lined cloak). but hey, this is a magic book, and I really thought there would be some magical significance to Kaye pricking her finger

is Kaye Fierch her true name? Does she have a true name that she's unaware of? How are true names given / received?

what secrets are guarded by the Court of Termites?? I know this isn't really a plot hole because Kaye is so new to the world of the Folk, but I'm just putting it on the record right here that I really hope we learn some of these Deep and Dark Secrets that were teased

because this post has gotten long, I'm going to create a separate one with bullet points of things we learn about/are reminded of re: how the faerie world works. I kept track of these for the fic I'm currently outlining, but also because it's fun to pay attention to little worldbuilding details :)

[writingfool001]

Baker S/O

Author’s Note: This is one of the several requests I haven’t filled out due to life and writer blocks.  

Request: Yes anonymous 

If Requests are still open, could I have Azul, Riddle, and Jamil with an s/o that comes from a long line of bakers? 

Imagine them just bringing in an extravagant cake for the Unbirthday Party exclusively for Riddle. RIP residents of Heartslabyul 

Pairing: Riddle, Azul, & Jamil x Gn! Reader 

Warning: Gender Neutral, you/your pronouns, fluff, established relationship for Jamil,  

Riddle 

He mainly heard about your bakes through Deuce and Ace, he was curious about them and was going to invite you to an unbirthday until you asked if you could use his dorm’s kitchen to make some treats and would use part of the treats made as payment for using the kitchen. He allowed you if Trey was fine with it since he practically ran the kitchen before unbirthdays.  

The next day, he sees you come in with multiple ingredients as Grim carried a small box making some treats for the upcoming birthday. You basically almost had an entire refrigerator load of things. He would occasionally look in on to see you working around the kitchen, expertly dodging Trey as you worked.  

When the desserts were being brought out, you brought out an even a giant detailed cake with dorm characteristics on it then placed it on the table from afar. You received applause and cheering as Trey patted your back in respect when he passed you to go cut into your cake for everyone to try then you turned to Riddle with a bright smile. 

“Now, I have something for you especially.” You tell him and guide him back to his seat, holding his hands 

Wait, something for him.... personally.   

His cheeks reddened a bit as you brought out this small two-tier bizarrely extravagant cake and placed it in front of him, his facial expression changed to surprise at the small details you put on the cake and with the little playing cards soldiers, the multi pastel-colored flamingos and hedgehogs, and the partially colored roses. Even though the things were small, they were perfect and excellently done. He looks back at you awestruck by your work and notices you smiling fondly. He took his fork and tore it off a bit before eating the piece of cake. It was delicious, and the cake was fluffy as the frosting melted in his mouth. After a few bites, he asked for you to eat your delicious cake with him. After that day, you both got closer, and your loving relationship blossomed. 

You both would have small baking dates and he would try to bake himself for you. He appreciates you’re willing to try to eat some of his fails and has reassured you that you didn’t need to. He would help with prep work and read the recipe if you needed him too. He enjoyed the baked goods you would make and remember to make sure you’re not overworking yourself. Also, he would get you some recipe books that you were eyeing at the time or would ask Trey for ideas. You’ve totally stood behind him with your chin resting on his shoulder, and guided his head whenever he needs help. You will have a flustered strawberry on your hands. 

Azul 

He heard about your baking skills originally through Floyd whenever he would return from his escapades and was interested in them once Floyd explained to him how delicious your baked goods were. He’s heard of your last name somewhere, but he couldn’t put his finger on it, so he decided to a small background on you. When he put your last name in, the first thing that popped up was your family’s bakery. He tried to strike a deal with you to work with him, but you told him that you weren’t interested. He kept trying to convince you to work under him to help your business and every time you would deny him. He was persistent because he knew that you could easily become a worthy rival on campus. This continued until he started hanging around you more to spend time with you to talk rather than striking a business deal. He tries to charm you, but you see right through that and charm him back, causing him to blush and his jaw to drop. You took a small cookie and put it in his mouth before picking his jaw up and went back to baking. 

Eventually, you came to a mutual agreement to bake at the Mostro lounge for business, you would get a profit from your work which became even more popular. He would make sure you had the finest ingredients to work with and would smell the aroma of your baked goods, even from his office. He would sometimes steal a cookie or small treat whenever he passed you, only for you to lightly swat the back of his hand. 

There would be nights where he stayed late to work and as he was closing one night, he noticed a light in the windows towards the kitchen and carefully approached before peaking in to see you, mixing something in a bowl while occasionally looking back at the oven. He watched as you put the mixture on a cookie sheet before putting it in the oven and pulled out the other to cool on the stove then moved onto working on a different dough.  

He opens the door as the mouthwatering aroma filled the air and watched you expertly fold the dough before noticing his presence. You welcomed in as you whipped the flour off your hands on your apron before kissing him on the cheek, carefully not getting any flour on his pressed suit. He listened while you were talking and after a while, he would ask questions about what exactly you were doing. You explained what it was and gave a summary of the steps, meaning your version of just this and that. Nothing too precise like a recipe since you’ve been doing it all your life. He asked about your family and how long they’ve been baking as well as other questions, wanting to know more about you. From then on, you noticed little gifts whenever you would come to work. 

After coming back from a couple of days off, you saw a small plate of your favorite cookies on top of your recipe book, not involving your family or your own secret recipes, sitting on top of your workstation. They looked a little burnt, yet appearances can be deceiving. You picked one up and took a bite of it before examining it while eating it. It was good, but there could be improvements. You put on your apron before hearing the door open to see the twins, two boxes of ingredients and a large bag of flour and place them on the counter space. Floyd saw the cookies and ate one before asking what you did differently for that batch. You told him those were there when you came in before hearing Jade chuckle, causing you to turn to him since he probably knew something. 

“Mushroom turnovers,” You offer, “Now spill.” 

“What makes you think it’s that easy to persuade me?” Jade grinned back at you. 

“I know that a way’s to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

“After my heart now? How touching.” He teased, holding a hand over his heart. 

“Jade.” 

“Azul made those, I was doing restock and came in to see him baking.” 

At the end of your shift, you went to Azul’s office and put a plate of cake down, next to his cup of tea, that had a small chocolate disk that said do you wanna go out? You made it halfway down the hall before hearing his door slam open, you turned back with a smile to see Azul, flushed. From then on, you both started dating.  

He didn’t find out until later that before you were dating, you stayed late as well to bake and decorate desserts for the next day or pastries that customers have come to love themselves. He tried to lecture you about staying late, but you turn it back on him. He would worry about the calories before being told that there would just be more of him to love, causing his face to turn bright red. He would also bake with you or go try different bakeries if you both travel. 

Jamil 

If your love language is food, then you have met the same match and more. He would give you spices or recipes to try to add. If you struggle with cooking, Jamil will help you in exchange for kisses and teaching him more about baking.  He would be honest about the taste and what you could improve on. I feel that Jamil could name certain spices so it’s a fun game between you two. He appreciates it when you asked him about making some baked goods from his home. He feels extra spoiled when you make things specifically for him. As I have said before, cooking/baking dates are a thing with Jamil. You would both do your own thing and sometimes for date nights, Jamil would do dinner and you would make dessert. Don’t be surprised if dancing in the kitchen happens while waiting for whatever was baking in the oven.  

He woke up in the middle of the night, needing to use the restroom, and left his room before checking to check on Kalim. Once he left, a roasted cracker like aroma caught his nose and he decided to investigate it, quietly walking down the hall. He reached the bottom of the stairs; he heard music playing softly and the kitchen door cracked open. Peeking through the crack, he saw you folding a dough expertly. 

“Here,” You hold out a piece of fresh bread to him. “Don’t tell Vil.” 

“I thought he would have messed with your food since it would throw off our diet.” 

“He tried to, and I threatened to mess with his makeup.” He chuckled, imagining the interaction between you two. “We came to an agreement and had to change my recipes a bit. That’s the result of the mutual agreement.” 

“Are you poisoning me?” He joked, taking a seat at the table as you placed the dough in the pan then covered it. 

“I wouldn’t dare; besides, I need someone with some of their sanity left here.” 

Hearing that, he blushed a bit before taking a bite of your bread and internally, he swooned at the delicious taste of bread that you had given him. He remembers whenever he tastes your bakes, they made him feel warm to the point it was like an invisible hug. Looking back at you, you had your arm crossed while waiting 

“Come closer, I’ll whisper to you what I think about the bread.” He said quietly, gesturing you to come closer and right as you were only a couple inches away, he kissed you gently on the lips. “It is delicious as always.” 

“You could’ve just told me that.” 

“And miss kissing you? Never.” 

[rhetoricandlogic]

Review

Women & Power: A Manifesto by Mary Beard – review

In tracing the roots of misogyny to Athens and Rome, Mary Beard has produced a modern feminist classic

This book is a mere slip of a thing: at 115 pages, small enough to fit into the most diminutive of bags or even (should you be in striding out mood) the pocket of an overcoat. But size, in this instance, is irrelevant. There are two things you need to know about it. The first is that what Mary Beard has to say is powerful: here are more than a few pretty useful stones for the slingshots some of us feel we must carry with us everywhere we go right now. The second is that most of its power, if not all, lies in its author’s absolute refusal to make anything seem too simple. Even as she tries to be concise and easy on the ear – the book is adapted from two lectures, one given at the British Museum in 2014, and the other earlier this year – Beard knows that the matters with which she is concerned are extremely complicated. Before she arms you, then, she makes you think. In this sense, if no other, Women & Power deserves to take its place alongside Kate Millett’s Sexual Politics, the text that first suggested literature as a medium for consciousness-raising.

Beard’s primary subject is female silence; she hopes to take a “long view on the culturally awkward relationship between the voice of women and the public sphere of speech-making, debate and comment”, the better to get beyond “the simple diagnosis of misogyny that we tend a bit lazily to fall back on”. Calling out misogyny isn’t, she understands, the same thing as explaining it, and it’s only by doing the latter that we’re likely ever to find an effective means of combating it. The question is: where should we look for answers? Beard acknowledges that misogyny has multiple sources; its roots are deep and wide. But in this book, she looks mostly (she is a classicist, after all) at Greek and Roman antiquity, a realm that even now, she believes, casts a shadow over our traditions of public speaking, whether we are considering the timbre of a person’s voice, or their authority to pronounce on any given subject.

Personally, I might have found this argument a bit strained a month ago; 3,000 years lie between us and Homer’s Odyssey, which is where she begins, with Telemachus effectively telling his mother Penelope to “shut up”. But reading it in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal, it seems utterly, dreadfully convincing. Mute women; brutal men; shame as a mechanism for control; androgyny and avoidance as a strategy for survival. On every page, bells ring too loudly for comfort.

Through the example of Telemachus we learn that silencing the female was once an essential part of growing up as a man – though shouting at a woman was only one way of achieving it. In Ovid’s Metamorphosis, Io is turned by Jupiter into a cow, and Echo’s voice reduced to a mere instrument for repeating the words of others; when the young princess Philomela is raped, her tongue is cut out, to prevent her denouncing her attacker. Women who did speak in the forum were barely female at all; rather, they were “unnatural freaks”. A first-century Roman anthologist mentions one called Maesia, who successfully defended herself in the courts only “because she really had a man’s nature”. Beard urges us not to see this “muteness” simply as a reflection of women’s more general disempowerment in the classical world. Their exclusion from public speech was, she writes, “active and loaded”. Their voices were subversive, a threat to the state. Thus was the idea of gendered speech established. If the ancients disliked the sound of the female voice, so high-pitched and strident, in the 21st century terms such as “whine” still tend to be reserved for women.

She is nothing if not pragmatic, her utterances grounded in practicalities as well as learning

Does this matter? Beard thinks that it does. Such language underpins an idiom that, almost without our noticing it, acts to remove the authority (and when necessary the humour) from what women have to say. In other words, no one hears us even when we do speak – just like the woman in the Punch cartoon she also mentions (“That’s an excellent suggestion, Miss Triggs. Perhaps one of the men here would like to make it”).

What I relish about Beard’s approach is that once she has told us all this – I am not a classicist, so some of it was new to me – she doesn’t simply sink down into disapproval and hand-wringing (the fatal flaw of so many recent feminist texts). She wants to know: how can we be heard? And her answers are radical. Why should we settle only for exploiting the status quo – for instance, by training our voices, as Margaret Thatcher did? Progress, if it is ever to happen, will require a fundamental rethink of the nature of spoken authority, “and what constitutes it, and how we have learned to hear it where we do”. Women are not only going to have to be “resituated” on the inside of power; it may be that power itself has to be redefined. What will such a redefinition involve? She talks of the “decoupling” of power from prestige, a bifurcation that will mean thinking about power as an attribute rather than as a possession; of the power of followers as well as of leaders.

All of this is exciting, and full of possibility (though threatening to some, of course). But Beard isn’t about to drink her own Kool-Aid. She is nothing if not pragmatic, her utterances grounded in practicalities as well as learning. Just as she finds time in her book to attempt to understand, as well as to condemn, the misogyny of Twitter – some of the abuse is, she is convinced, the result of the false promise it made to put people directly in touch with those in power; women are not the only ones who feel “voiceless” – so she is keen to remind the reader of the gloom that hangs all about. Don’t get too perky, she instructs, even as she works to build her case.

Some things are hard, if not impossible, to cast off. Should we be in any doubt about the terrifying extent to which the exclusion of women from power is culturally embedded, let alone unsure of the continued strength of classical ways of formulating and justifying it, we have only to look at the Trump campaign in 2016, in which he was depicted, after Cellini’s bronze, as Perseus holding up the severed head of Hillary Clinton as Medusa. His supporters could buy this image on T-shirts and tote bags, coffee cups and laptop covers – and doubtless many of them did, desperate for the monster to be slain in their own minds, even before they had approached the ballot box.

[thisiscarmensita]

2023 Reading Challenge -- Planning, ratings, and more!

This year, I set my reading goal on 23 books.

My Goodreads profile.

My rating scale:

5🌟 I loved this book. I'll read it again. I'll recommend it to everyone that will listen to me. 4🌟 I liked this book. I don't know if I will read it again, but there's a possibility. I'll recommend this book to those who show interest in the genre. 3🌟 This book was okay. I'll not read it again. I'll only recommend this book to those strongly interested in the genre, plus a specific trope or dynamic that's in there. 2🌟 This book was bad, to my tastes. I'll never read it again. I'll not recommend this book. If someone is really into the genre and multiple tropes the novel covers, I may mention that while I did not enjoy it, it fits what they're looking for. 1🌟 This book is the worst ever, and probably I DNF. If I could go back, I wouldn't read it. I'll not recommend it to anyone, even if they are obsessed with the genre plus multiple tropes and dynamics the book covers. 

WIP - Books read with rating and reviews:

The Princess Bride, by William Goldman -- 5🌟.

Reading this book was time travelling back to childhood. I felt a connection with the characters that one can only find when listening to a fairy tale next to a fire.

I felt their excitement, and their fears. I was happy when they were, and felt sad when their hearts were shattered. It was easy, and natural to believe blindly each word I was told.

The author captured the magic of folk tales in this story, and created an unique framework of narration that allowed me to get out of the adult costume. Once a kid again, I could enjoy this book just as children do enjoy things -- completely, with passion, and without shame.

Fairy Oak Saga, Book 1: El secreto de las gemelas, by Elisabetta Gnone -- 4🌟.

I'm re-reading this series after more than a decade and a half. It's a good children's book, but if you read it as an adult for the first time, you may enjoy it if you love to read children's books.

There are some plot holes I attributed to my then reading comprehension, but in reality, they just simply exist. Sad to notice that, I would have loved to know the reasoning behind some magic that simply works just because.

A Dowry of Blood, by S.T. Gibson -- 4🌟.

Flourish writing, interesting characters and story, excellent portrayal of the relationship dynamics the main characters have going on.

You'll probably enjoy this book if you're looking for a slow paced story that focuses on relationships, and you like reflexive narrators who chew on their thoughts, personal diary style.

Belladonna, by Adalyn Grace -- 2🌟.

You can see the twist coming. In fact, it's so obvious and simple, I had at least 3 other ideas of what the "catch" was that were much better than what actually happened. I think the book is aimed for young audiences, and it may be enjoyable for the right audiences. I agree with the general criticism you find in others' reviews: the MC is bad at resolving mysteries, the characters have no depth, and it would have been nice to dig deeper into the ghosts and their existence.

WIP - 2023 TBR list:

1

2

3

WIP - Genres, tropes, and topics I'm interested in -- please, give me your suggestions!

Pirates, mermaids, and everything and anything related to adventures in the sea or coast.

Lesbian or bisexual wlw romances that don't have homophobia or lesbophobia in them, and don't revolve around coming out/discovering your sexuality.

Poly romances with a woman as the MC/narrator, and she's the one that's involved with more than one person. Better if it's not a reverse harem.

Vampires/werewolves/aliens/IA/paranormal-creatures romances.

Sci-fi and horror short stories compilations.

[threewaysdivided]

I posted 353 times in 2022

That's 114 more posts than 2021!

79 posts created (22%)

274 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@threewaysdivided

@sapphireswimming

@doodly-doop

@redrobin-detective

@2hoothoots

I tagged 353 of my posts in 2022

#young justice: deathly weapons - 97 posts

#3wd - 93 posts

#art - 70 posts

#danny phantom - 38 posts

#3wd answers - 34 posts

#writing update - 33 posts

#dc comics - 30 posts

#young justice - 27 posts

#batman - 23 posts

#chapter 19 - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#which is how you get things like token ‘girlboss’ moments for female characters who are still written in fundamentally chauvinistic ways; or 

From this post

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

@thecatlounge​ asked: I just read that ask about Vlad that you did and was wondering if you had any thoughts about Jack and Maddie. They have clear love for there kids and when they know they are in danger they will drop everything for them, but they also don't notice when there is somthing wrong going on.  Valerie would be another good one, though I think that she mostly framed around how whe is manipulated by others (like Vlad).

(the Vlad ask)

So, I have quite a few thoughts on Maddie and Jack, and they’re probably some of the most complex.

I’ve talked about this before but one of the quirks/ bugs/ features of Danny Phantom’s tumultuous production and at-times-contradictory canon is that there can be multiple disparate readings that are all somewhat supported.  And no more is this true than for the (nominally) good Doctors Fenton.

Let’s talk about the meta-side first because it’s kind of fascinating.

See the full post

87 notes - Posted August 26, 2022

#4

Decided to update the original FFN-style ‘book cover’ art for my fanfic Young Justice: Deathly Weapons. 

It’s fun to see how the visual identity of this fic has evolved from when I first came up with and posted the initial idea (right) to now (left) that it has a fully-detailed plan that’s developed a vibe of its own.

[Art pieces inside the background-portals can be seen here and here.  Teaser summary for upcoming “episodes” here.]

See the full post

101 notes - Posted December 11, 2022

#3

@kaiobeast asked: So, in YJDW, Danny is still very much a solo-hero type. I imagine that's going to potentially cause some issues down the road, both with learning how to work as an equal with other supers and bonding with them since his own hero development is so different from the Team's. No mentor, the discomfort that the nature of his powers can cause, the mixed history he DOES have that's public knowledge, and the lack of real exposure to the rest of the superhero sphere of influence.

(Young Justice: Deathly Weapons)

So this is interesting because you're completely right; those are things that should complicate Danny's interactions (and potential integration) with established heroes and hero teams.

However, the specifics of Danny's circumstances and road to joining the Team in Deathly Weapons kind of alleviate or sidestep a lot of those potential issues. At cost of giving him a new catalogue of complexes to deal with but beggars can't be choosers.

See the full post

104 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

#2

I don’t have many strong thoughts about Danny x Kaldur outside of it being a rarepair crossover crackship with the potential to be cute.

However,

Deeply Disappointed that the ship name isn’t Sleeping With the Fishes.

118 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@kaiobeast​ asked: So, I've noticed that DP fans and authors have a sliding scale for Vlad. They vary from "haha look at poor little meow meow who fails at everything" to "Vlad is an absolute psycho and the Fenton parents are criminally negligent for allowing him near their kids". I'm very curious as to how you view Vlad and his relationship with Danny because that variance is so huge, and since it kind of slides between the two in canon as well.

Ah, Vlad.  Perpetual runner-up of Dracula lookalike contests, consistent bronze medallist in the race for most-culturally-relevant-Vladimir, and called by the internet everything from Psychopath to Meow Meow to I regretfully inform you Daddy.

One of the things that makes interpretations of Danny Phantom characters more fluid/variable than others is that (as you said) canon can be rather slide-y at times - something which lends itself to multiple quasi-canonical potential readings.  I think I’ve mentioned before that for me this means I have a bit of an annoying tendency to change my headcanons depending on what best facilitates a given story concept, rather than being wedded to One True Version™.

That said, Vlad is probably the major-character who I have the most consistent read on.

See the full post

276 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 9: Reaper

I finally (finally!) finished Reaper today. I’m not sure I have anything more to say about it that I haven’t already said; my thoughts aren’t that deep.

I did enjoy it, and it grew on me a lot as I was reading. I still maintain as my primary criticism that it was too long. But in some ways I did like it more than Chainsaw I think.

I was skeptical at first of the multiple-POV structure, first because Jade’s voice so defined the first book and was one of its stronger attributes (if you liked Jade, if not, probably don’t read this book). And second, the extremely distinctive tone of the first one made sense to me because it was her voice just third person. But here, a lot of that same tone, same vocabulary, same very noticeable turns of phrase (drink every time you read ‘dials back’) shows up again and regardless of perspective-character, which is making it sound a lot more like the author and not any of the characters. On the one hand, that’s fine; I do that too, keep my style across various limited third person perspectives, but the thing is some of these phrases are SO distinct that it’s hard for me to believe all of these people would be using them, and in particular that they’d show up in the Gal essays, which are first person, unless she’s very purposefully imitating. But then, again, why is that same voice everywhere else? I’m probably being too harsh on this and if I actually read the two books back to back, I’d find Jade’s voice in the first one much more distinct, but nevertheless I found it a jarring combination of style and perspective, personally.

And third, you know, I like Jade and at first I wasn’t so keen on spending so much time with people who aren’t her. The concept of the ensemble grew on me a lot and I think the overall impression of the book benefits from it. But here again I get back to ‘it’s too long.’ Because whether or not a section was dragging had much to do with who it was about. Sections about characters who were returning from book one, or who were deeply embedded in the plot of this book, were a lot more interesting than sections focused on characters who showed up for a few pages and then died. I get the idea and I’m not even against having those sections. But they should have been shorter.

I did like getting to see more of Letha though, and I liked Banner a lot, too, to be honest. I’m starting to wonder if I really was being queerbaited with Jade/Lethan in Chainsaw though. I mean, I didn’t expect or want more from their relationship in that book and I didn’t necessarily expect them to be explicitly romantic in this one; I didn’t have any distinct expectations. But there was a very obvious romantic sheen to the dynamic before and now it’s like very explicitly a Best Friendship. And look I’m not going to sneeze on a best friendship but it’s making me second guess my previous reading comprehension skills, I’m not gonna lie. Also the ‘what if threesome’ brain rot is deep and there’s something so… mmmm, almost there, about Jade/Letha/Banner. Banner the dumbass who steps up for his wife and daughter. Jade and Letha with their final-girl-best-friend-romantic-friendship bond. Jade and Banner coming to respect each other grudgingly, partly over their shared love of Letha and partly because they see the growth in each other and partly because they keep going through life and death situations together. Ultimately saving each other. Jade sacrificing herself for Banner-and-Letha together as a family. Mmm mmm mmm. I’ve been convinced. I’ve been converted.

I thought this novel had a better Big Climactic Ending, honestly, at least as far as I could recall. It was simpler, more direct, fewer characters and less stuff going on. Felt more focused. And more of a piece with the overall mood of the novel. I really, really liked that the previous installment was a summer story and this was a winter one, and that this one took place over such a compact period of time. Possibly even more than Chainsaw, it felt so cinematic, like a straight up blueprint for the movie that will inevitably be made. And you know that isn’t particularly easy, to take the vocabulary, the timing, etc., of one medium into another. I respect it.

I’ll read the third one eventually but not for a while. I need a little break. But maybe next summer.

[chaos-caffeinated]

Euphoria (Lady Dimitrescu x Nonbinary*!AFAB!reader)

Warnings: Angst-to-Fluff, Self-harm, body dysphoria, shouting, unintentional misgendering

NSFW because of the warnings and potential triggers, however NO SEX SCENES

Word count: 2789

Chaos's A/N: This is the most...vulnerable piece of writing I have ever written that doesn't involve sex, it didn't need to happen. Nonbinary is used as the umbrella term, as my intention was to be inclusive. If you think it is not inclusive enough, give us a DM in our asks and I resolve it. Thank you.

P.S. There will be two sentences in bold, and it was quite coincidental because I was reading fanfiction before finishing it, and what she (Lady Dimitrescu, but also the author wrote it) said not only made me cry, but it represented what I was hoping for her to say but I could never get out. I will post the link twice, below this postscript, and within the sentence. Please show support by reading it, and to the writer, NorthTrader77!

Comfort's Embrace - NorthTraveler77 - Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse) [Archive of Our Own]

Please, enjoy.

For a couple days you were emotionless, for a couple days you were isolating yourself, for a couple days it was hell for you. Especially for Alcina who wanted nothing but your company, but seeing you avoid her made her upset. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she would proceed to go to her bedroom.

The reason it was hell for you wasn't because of your treatment with your lady, or even her daughters despite them constantly teasing you and trying to get you to lash out on them.

No...

You were assigned female at birth, and you were currently sitting at the corner of the room you were first given before you slept with your lady, rocking yourself as you try so hard to push aside your thoughts, covering yourself in blankets plus blankets plus more blankets, with your arms crossing over your chest as you sobbed away. You hated your chest, you hated your curves, your hair, your face, your legs- EVERYTHING.

You hated the fact that you were reminded of a girl, Alcina would compliment you, and as much as you appreciate her comments, she was unintentionally misgendering, and you were suffering in your own silence. You couldn't tell her you were having a body dysphoria, you couldn't tell this 1900s vampire that you were suffering from your own demise, you were terrified at the idea of her knowing. You didn't want her to know, you didn't want her to be tainted with the knowledge that defined barely coming onto the surface of human knowledge in the west and the castle in the east...she was not going to accept you...like them.

Sometimes you can hide, and hold off your discomfort, your need to cry, your disappointment and your broken heart coming undone, but this time you couldn't. You were stuck in this castle with 4 women, stuck in castle like a...damsel in distress.

You quickly covered your mouth and muffled your screams as you cried and cried.

Alcina could hear a heart pumping rapidly, like a stressed human, and she thought it was her daughters killing a maiden. She stood still as she carried the glass of wine in her left hand, lifted so elegantly while she read a book in her right hand, trying her best to distract herself until one of her daughters knocked on the door. Bela entered the door, relieved to see her alone, and saving herself from a punishment.

"Mother, is (Y/N) alright?" She asked.

Immediately concerned, Alcina turned her head slightly to glance at Bela, "What did you say?"

"(Y/N), she's in distress."

"So that isn't a maiden you're prepping for a new bottle?" She asked, clarifying as remained in her seat. She would run if she could, but her habits won her over as she saw Bela shake her head, "I thought it was a trespasser, Mother. Cassandra and Daniela are currently outside, and I wanted to find the intruder, but no one is here."

"Thank you, Bela. Go to your sisters, I will go find her." She instructed.

"Yes, Mother." Bela turned and closed the door behind her before going to her sisters.

Alcina immediately stood up, placed the glass on the short table in front of her before looking for you.

You were currently gripping at your chest, expanding the shirt until you heard ripping cloth, clutching at your head, your sobs getting more desperate and sorrowful. Your arms flailed around as you slapped yourself, scratched yourself, your body having a pressured sensation that worsened your flails, at one point drawing some blood. You gasped upon viewing the cuts on your arm, viewing your multiple fresh cuts. You brought your arm to your lips and licked at your blood, drawing more and causing more tears and sobbing. Your leg bounced to release some anxiety out of your system, only to flail once again.

The door opened and your eyes shot up, widening as you noticed who it was.

Alcina opened the door, not only to sense your heart beating, but the smell of blood awoke her maternal instincts. It was your blood in her nostrils and she wasn't even feeding from you, she thought you were in danger. She knew she wasn't your mother, but you have mentioned in the pass how your relationship with your family was almost nonexistent, and it saddens her in a way that you didn't have the relationship like her daughters have with her.

Her eyes widen in shock, her lips parted as her eyes landed on you, your body covered in the blankets, but your face filled with tears, sadness, and pain.

"(Y/N)!" She shrieked, strolling towards before she stopped in her tracks upon seeing how you reacted.

You whimpered, turning your head down and facing the wall, avoiding her stare, pulling the blankets for your comfort.

"...(Y/N)..." She whispered, "What happened? Who did this to you?" Her anger raised, ready to strike at whoever did this to you.

She was going to be mad at you, she was going to be mad at you, mad at you, mad at you-

"(Y/N), who, did, this, to, yo-" She spoke with pause, not taking your silence as answer. She didn't like to be ignored, but the sake of knowing who hurt her precious draga, she would mutilate them until they suffered a bloo-

"Me!-" You shouted, interrupting her thoughts, crying in shame, covering your face with the blanket. Alcina can see some of you, her expression in pure shock as she found out, "...(Y/N), if you're lying to me-"

"I'm not..." You whimpered, cowering into the cornered wall.

"Can I know why?" She reached her hand towards your body, finding your arm and squeezing lightly in comfort as you yelped in pain, causing her to flinch and bring back her hand. She was confused, but silently heartbroken to see you like this. What caused you to end up like this?

Her tone immediately calmed, using her comforting tone, "Princess-"

"Don't call me that!-" You cried out, clawing your head, your arms covering your ears, "Anhthinganythinganythinganything but that!" You trembled.

Alcina was beginning to get stressed, but she remained still, and her expression remained unreadable. She waited until you were able to speak, able to look at her.

However...when she saw an impulsive swat on your body, she immediately grabbed your wrists, her other hand held you from the blankets, pulling you closer, "I do not tolerate self-harm, (Y/N)." She warned, sternly. She had to maintain a strong look, even if it hurt her to see you in such a state.

She said your name...your name...the name you chose, the name she says when she's worried about you. Alcina saying your name had such a bliss feeling to it, it was relieving to hear it.

"...a-..again..." You stuttered, tired, your exhaustion showing as you struggled to raise your face, to look into her yellow eyes, "Please...say my name..." your tear up once again, your lips trembled lightly.

Alcina stared at you for a moment, your pleads were of desperation, and she was going to give you what you need, "...(Y/N)..."

Your lips curled ever slightly, but noticed by Alcina.

"Again...please." You plead, trying so hard to hold on, glancing at her with your heavy-lidded eyes.

Alcina carefully lowered your arms as she placed her gloved hand against your cheek, you leaning towards her touch, breathing low, on the brink of passing out. She leaned closed and kissed your other cheek, "(Y/N), my human..." she whispered against your ear. Your eyes shot wide, your lips parting slightly as they trembled as you weren't expecting her to say the last part. You didn't think you would have tears left to cry, but you raised your tired arms, muscles also trembling as you wrapped them around her neck, pulling yourself to her in a desperate, needed, and a thankful hug, crying softly against her shoulder.

Alcina wrapped her arms securely on you, one hand placed on the back of your head, She raised herself, holding you close, "Rest, draga mea." She whispered, feeling your body limp, your arms falling to your sides.

She took you to her chambers, a need to see for herself what injuries you sustained. She laid you on the bed, and already noticed something that upset her. The shirt you had on was not only ripped, nearly shredded, but you had scratches on your abdomen, your chest. Alcina removed your shirt and proceeded to take care of you, leaning down to lay gentle kisses on your warm skin. She can taste the blood from the scratches, fortunately they were shallow, but to have drawn blood on your beautiful body, what happened? Where you no longer happy to be with her?

Until she remembered your voice,

...Again...please....

And the way you reacted to her calling you a human, to say she was confused was an understatement, she was beyond bewildered.

It took a while before she finished healing your scratches, from your body, to your face. She sighed softly, peppering your face with her loving kisses. Your unconscious state would remain the same, but it hurt to see you in that state while she took take of care of you. It reminded her of something common, but never wanting it to occur on you, "(Y/N)...what happened?" She asked out loud, more to herself than to you. Instead she walked to her closet before returning and sliding you in a silk robe, hoping for the best comfort and tucking you in the bed. She would have to send some maidens to the previous room to clean up the mess, but she was now preoccupied with staying by your side. She was going to know what happened, and why you reacted in such a manner.

~

When you woke up, tired, your eyes blinking slowly before you started feeling your body, immediately closing your eyes and biting your lip softly to hold back tears. Instead, you closed your hand in to fists, and opened them slowly, not even wanting to focus on your body. You made her sad, disappointed, upset. She no longer wants to be with-

"Darling, you're awake." Alcina sits next to you on the bed, reaching forward and wiping a traveling tear on your cheek, "Why are you crying, draga mea, talk to me..."

You sobbed softly as you raised your hands to your face to hide your shame.

"If you don't talk to me, I will never know how I can assist you." She pointed it out.

You took a deep breath, only to gather more air and breathe out in small increments to control your breathing.

Your eyes travelled to your lady's eyes, those beautiful yellow eyes, and you noticed something different about them.

"Al...Alcina..." you shook your head softly as you closed your eyes softly, "I can't...I'm too scared." Your hand reached to your face, and Alcina takes your other hand, her thumb rubbing lightly on it, "There is no reason to be scared, iubere mea, only you are scared. There is nothing you say that will upset me, nothing." She reassured, placing down your hand and reaching forward to curl a few hairs behind your ear, an excuse to touch you reassuringly, "Nothing." She repeated.

Despite her demeanor, her confidence, her elegance, her passion, and her grace, she wouldn't lie to you. You just knew.

You take a shaky breath, reaching forward to get a hold of her hand, Alcina responding by squeezing it lightly, comfortingly resting on the bed.

You confessed, saying that you didn't feel as though you belonged to being described with feminine attributes, but you also didn't feel you belonged purely to the masculine attributes. You were neither a woman or a man. You explained to her how long you have kept hidden the fact, and how your current name, (Y/N) is the name you chose because it suited better than your previous, assigned name. You were open about how your family disowned you for the shame that you supposedly brought upon them, and how they dismissed your feelings as they referred to you with she/her pronouns, forcing you into female clothing, and how your lady would say those things and you were forced to hide yourself in fear of how she would react, afraid that she would kick you out if she found out.

Alcina felt a tremble from you, and her expression never changed, she was thinking, long and hard, "Hm, well, this is quite a predicament..." She stated, lifting a finger to her chin, "And I am ashamed for not knowing about this, but will you teach me more about this?" She asked, smiling small.

Your heart beat fast, but not in the stressful way, in the unexpectedly way, and how you couldn't help contain a smile. You nodded proudly, "Yes, I will." Smiling brightly at her, "Thank you, Alcina, thank you so much." you tear up once more, only for the overwhelming joy you felt. Alcina removed her heels for a moment and laid beside you, hushing you gently as she began to ask questions such as a term that can describe your gender identity, how she would refer to you, the nicknames you prefer, the nicknames you would prefer to stay away from, how to handle your body dysphoria, how to deal with misgendering, and your fashion sense.

As Alcina gained more knowledge, she couldn't help but ask, "Sweetheart, babes..." She tested out a few pet names which you loved so much, "If you knew from what period I was, why didn't you take advantage that I didn't know such thing?"

You quirked your eyebrow, "Hm?..." You tilted your head slightly, "What?"

"You could have said you like specific pet names, and how you like to dress a certain way. You already told me your name without me knowing of your previous name, why didn't you make more progress like that to help you with your discomfort?" She asked.

"Well...hm...I feel like you would be suspicious of me lying, or hiding things from you...and I wouldn't have the chance to explain so much...like I did right now...and sometimes I did like some feminine pet names, but my discomfort got the best of me." You explained as you can, "It feels so good to finally get everything out, and it feels even better that you are still with me."

"Oh, but, iubere mea, I would never reject you for who you are, it is why I am with you in the first place, dear." She kissed the top of your head, "You are, (Y/N), a strong and carrier of a golden heart, caring, but you are stuck by the chains of your past. I am not like the people who left you, you can be open about yourself at any point with me. You are allowed to be vulnerable and I will never turn away from your needs. I will always return your affections and I will always keep you safe. You do not ever have to put on a façade with me simply because I am from a different time period."

She saw you tear up once again and you hugged her tighter, Alcina returning the tight embrace. It was new to her, having to be so open with her feelings with anyone that wasn't her quill and a paper, but how could she hold in that stuff when you gave her such an important piece of yourself, and she was to be honest at the moment. She took a deep breath and used the hug as an excuse to let you know how she also felt.

It was a tight, heart-felt embrace, and you knew it. You felt her strong arms envelop you, but you also felt her loosen up as well, relaxing. In addition to telling you to be open about yourself with her, you thought she also had to follow through what she said with you, not hiding anything. You remember seeing her write letters and letters, and sadden at the thought she was alone for so many years. Your hand reached up to run your fingers through her hair, comfortingly. You pull away slightly, just to see her face, which she had her eyes closed in the intimate act. When she felt you pull away, she opened her eyes only to meet with yours, filled with joy and some tears sliding down your face. You gently grabbed her face as she allowed you to and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Alcina rested her hands on your waist as you both pulled away again and rested your heads against each other, eyes closed, and her thumbs gently rubbing against your back, and you reciprocating by rubbing against her cheek.

[ynscrazylife]

Spoilers

Not sure if you write for Melina from Black Widow but if you do could you please write a Melina x Reader where they are both locked in the cells in the red room and confess to each other and kiss

Destined to Lose | m.v fic

Summary: Melina recalls the love that she once shared with a Red Room agent years ago.

Authors Note: Thanks for requesting! Also, as the Red Room focuses on girls, the reader will be female.

Warning: Implications of some malnourishment. 

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 |  Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

Ever since the Red Room had been stopped once and for all, there seemed to be the fragrance of calm in the air, washing over Mother Russia . . . or maybe it had just washed over Melina, Alexei, and Yelena, as everything had been shifted now. They were all free and had the opportunity to work on their shattered relationships - and to work on their shattered selves. Each one had coped in their own way, discovering and rediscovering their interests and who they were outside the Red Room, outside KGB.

One of the ways that Melina chose to heal was to take time for herself, and that included reading. More often than not, she’d be curled up in an armchair in the living room, entranced as her eyes swept over the ink printed on every page. The stories, whether they be fiction or non, always captivated her, and she soaked in every word.

That is the precise reason that despite being a highly trained and experienced spy, she didn’t notice that her youngest daughter was in the room until she piped up and spoke.

“Melina?”

Instantly the brunette was tugged from the faraway world she was in and her head snapped up, eyes holding a gaze of alarm for just a moment before they stilled. Melina took in Yelena’s state. The younger woman was standing confidently but her face told a different story. She was concentrating on something, Melina could tell from the way that her muscles were pulled, and there was an inner dialogue going on, troubling her.

“Yes, dear?” Melina said, carefully turning over the corner of the page and closing the book on her lap, as she could tell that this conversation wouldn’t be over in a minute.

“I had a question,” Yelena began, pausing for a moment and then sitting in the armchair across from her mother. She continued when she was comfortable. “-which you don’t have to answer.” She reeled in her worried gaze and made it more neutral.

Melina allowed her shoulders to slump into a relaxed posture and drew her bushy eyebrows together, her chin jutting down ever so slightly. “What is it?” She asked, the curiosity gnawing at her, since this wasn’t Yelena’s typical behavior.

Yelena seemed to be collecting her thoughts and, when she was finished, spoke in a delicate manner. “When I was looking at the Red Room’s files that Natasha got, I . . . I came across yours. It had said that you had been through the Red Room five times and . . . It mentioned someone named Y/N Y/L/N? I was wondering-” she cut herself off abruptly when she saw the solemn and serious look on her mother’s face.

The moment she heard that name, it struck something inside Melina. The memory, the feelings, it all came hurtling back with a force that had been absent for years. Y/N.

Y/N was the name that caused her stomach to twist and turn as the wound was ripped open. Y/N was the name that put a smile on her lips through the tears and reminded her how far she came when she was sad. Y/N was the name she thought of as a battle cry when she jumped into a fight against those Red Room agents. Y/N was the name she focussed on, like one would stare at a point on the wall to keep focus, as she got through the hardest times in her life, motivated her to push through with all her might.

With all those thoughts running through Melina’s head, she finally looked up, met Yelena’s gaze with her own, and parted her lips to tell her a story.

Melina had long since given up keeping track of the days at this point. There was no use, for by this time the days had all blurred into one. She could only differentiate the day and the night because every night is when someone with a deep frown on their face would walk in and give her a tray of food, and every morning was when someone else would arrive and take said tray away. She had barely moved from the position she sat in: back against the chain wall that seperated her cell and the one right next to hers and her knees drawn to her chest. She’d tune in to any sound she could hear and fixate.

She had been thrown into this cell because of her attempt to escape the Red Room. It wouldn’t be the first time she tried to escape, nor would it be the first time she sat in this cell, but it was the first time that she had gotten as far as she did, since she had help.

Melina could only wonder why she was here and Y/N wasn’t, and those wonderings always ended up with her conjuring thoughts and ideas that frightened her.

She ended up having the endless questions crawling at the back of her mind come to a halt when she heard pounding footsteps one day. Despite being in a tired haze, Melina snapped right out of it and became alert, watching and waiting with anticipation as their footsteps got closer, and closer, and closer.

The person - or people - belonging to those footsteps came into sight and Melina couldn’t stop the gasp before it escaped her lips when she saw what was happening.

A man, a Red Room agent, was practically dragging Y/N who was thrashing about, doing her best to put up a fight, but ultimately losing it when he carelessly tossed her into the cell next to Melina’s, locked the door, and walked away.

Only after his receding footsteps could be heard no more did Y/N look up from her tears, only for her eyes to widen and for her to lurch towards the chain wall, fingers grasping around it, when she laid eyes on Melina. Melina did the same and, after a little struggle, they managed to hold hands in a steel grip through the chain.

“Mel,” Y/N breathed, but her hoarse voice caused her to cough.

“Y/N,” Melina whispered, tightening her grip and scooting as close to the chain wall - as close to Y/N - as she could. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Y/N let out a shaky sigh, alarming Melina, and rested her forehead against the chain. “I wasn’t thrown into the cell immediately because you’ve been through the Red Room five times now, but I haven’t. They wanted to train me more and they did their best, but when I kept on fighting them they decided to put me in here.” she answered tiredly.

Melina thought this over and let out a sigh of her own, but this was a sigh of relief. She was glad that she no longer had to worry about Y/N and thankful that Y/N was with her so she could make sure that nothing bad would happen to her.

After a couple moments of the silence beginning to creep in again, Melina decided that she needed to tell Y/N something. “I have to tell you something, love.”

Y/N looked up, a beautiful glint in her eyes telling that she was intrigued. God, Melina had missed seeing that look on her face.

“Don’t feel pressured to respond, just, after I’ve been away from you, I really, really have to say this: I . . . I love you,” Melina confessed, bravely meeting Y/N’s gaze.

Y/N blinked, but that glint did not go away. In fact, it seemed to get bigger, making the smile on her lips reach her eyes, and she squeezed Melina’s hands as best she could.

“I love you, too.”

Those four words were probably the softest words she had ever spoken, but they were beyond true.

Melina leaned forward and Y/N after a moment did too. They did their best and managed to meet each other with a kiss. The two cherished it - the kiss was sweet and simple and not over-the-top. Perfect. They each leaned back.

Then, the silence came again, but this time, to Melina, it was more comfortable.

“I have something to tell you, also”

Melina looked up, expecting the smile to still be on Y/N’s face, but it was faltering. She tilted her head to the side.

“I insisted to them that you not be put through the Red Room a sixth time. I’m not sure if they’re going to do anything, but I wanted to stop what they were doing to you and-”

“That you did. They’ve listened.”

Both looked up to see a Red Room agent standing outside Melina’s cell. He unlocked it and she instantly scurried back, but couldn’t do anything to prevent him from grabbing her and yanking her up. “Y/N!” She yelled as she was half-dragged, half-carried away.

Y/N sat up, banging on the chain. Tears started streaming down her face. It was happening far too fast. “MELINA!” She yelled. “I’M SORRY!”

There was fear in her voice. Oh, god, what had she done?

Melina paused for a moment, eyes focussed on Y/N as they went down the hall. She then said calmly, but with a firmness, “Don’t be!”

“And that was the last time I saw her,” Melina concluded her story, not meeting Yelena’s eyes, but with tears threatening to spill.

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[aminiatureworld]

Interest

Characters: Albedo, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,508

Warnings: None

Premise: Sometimes emotions can be confusing. In those times it can be easier to shut down. After all, wouldn’t finding the truth out be scarier?

In which the reader assumes their character is disinterested, and pulls away.

Author’s Note: It’s only been a week but it feels like ages! Too bad I only had time for one character tonight. I can’t wait to write for multiple characters again (hopefully tomorrow haha).

Anyways Albedo, you’re such a comfort character it was so wonderful to write you again!

Albedo

You didn’t become friends with Albedo in the “traditional” way. There was no moment when you two sat down and had a chat, neither one of you offered to go to the other’s house, and certainly there was no “want to be friends?” It was more that you had stayed and Albedo, in return, hadn’t chased you away. Eventually the idea of friendship just sort of became an implication. After all, if you hadn’t gotten kicked out already, safe to say Albedo didn’t dislike you, right?

No, you were quite sure Albedo didn’t dislike you. But did he like you? That question was a completely different one. And you were well aware of that fact.

At first you tried to find out the answer to the question. Observation: Albedo appeared neither to hold any particular affection for you, or any particular disdain. Hypothesis: Albedo doesn’t like being particularly affectionate towards anyone, so the fact that he’s let you stay on this long means he probably likes you at least as a friend, and might be open to more. Experiment: Try your best.

And you did try your best, looking back you really couldn’t say that you didn’t. Whether it was bringing flowers for him to study – then mash into paints – or making your way painstakingly through the papers he let you read – which usually flew half over your head – so that you could ask him questions about it the next day. You really did try. You were early to every meeting the two of you had, something Albedo seemed to copy after a while, and you were quick to offer your help in any way possible. Making yourself useful and always being there, surely Albedo would notice that. You even snuck in the occasional compliment, the occasional comment about how you were so happy to have someone like him in your life. Still, your experiment didn’t seem too successful.

Shouldn’t you just stop at this point? I mean, you probably could come to some conclusions after the weeks of “experimenting” you’d done. Albedo didn’t dislike you, he definitely didn’t. He thanked you when you brought him stuff and made sure to show up as early as you did to your rendezvous. He sometimes let you keep the flowers you brought him to sketch you instead of using them in his experiments, he even let you bring one of his paintings home. But how much of this really signified anything beyond friendship? It was hard to tell. Albedo certainly never dropped hints that he preferred your company especially. It was simply that you were there and that he didn’t have the want or the energy to send you away. Surely there were many other people who could say the same. Maybe it was time to move on.

Though your emotions certainly weren’t on board with this suggestion – the torch that you held for Albedo was not ready to burn out anytime soon – you did at least manage to rein in your actions a little bit. First it was no longer bringing this and that with you. The particularly small buds of lamp grass remained on their stalks, or pressed into books in your house, the fireflies that you had managed to awkwardly sketch on a piece of cardboard never made their likeness towards the alchemist. Then it was meeting a little less often, not that you didn’t retain the habit of going early when those meetings did happen. It was just, surely you didn’t want to annoy Albedo too much. He might end up kicking you out after a while. Then it was asking him less and less questions while you were there, when you were there.

The affect was more depressing than you cared to admit, before you knew it the idea of going off to find Albedo became almost painful, something that would involve crossing a gulf that somehow grew wider every day. Days turned into a week, turned into two, turned into three. Every day you’d wake up, the idea of going to see Albedo at the forefront of your mind, and every night you lay in bed, scolding yourself for avoiding the person you most wanted to see. And every day the gulf widened a little more.

Perhaps things would’ve continued on like that indefinitely, a never ending circle of guilt and dissonance and going to bed feeling like you’d somehow failed something, like now certainly Albedo wouldn’t want to talk to you. Yet somehow fate had a different idea. Whether or not you were grateful for its interference, you couldn’t tell over the apprehension at the beginning, the relief after the fact.

There was a commission on your list: Pick up salve from alchemist’s lab and deliver it to Sonja before the end of the day. At first you had considered trying to pawn it off onto someone else. After all, this was a rather easy commission, and surely some of the less experience Guild members would be grateful for easy legwork. Still as you were rationalizing all this away in your head, wondering what sort of commission you might get in return, you found that your legs were already moving onto the familiar route you had walked so recently before unsurety and dejection had clouded your actions.

Standing in front of the alchemy lab you felt your legs still as Albedo appeared in front of you. At first you wondered if you might be able to duck somewhere else, to evade detection. Yet your legs which had been so happy to move before suddenly felt leaden and incredibly useless, and all you could do was stare as Albedo glanced up from his papers, his eyes landing on you, the placing blue of his irises widening slightly.

“I hadn’t expected to see you here.”

“I’m here to pick something up.”

It was a bit lame in terms of opening lines, but it was a start.

“Ah, I see,” Albedo replied, looking down at his papers. Stepping towards you slightly he tilted his head. “I thought you might want to see me again.”

“I do! I mean, well, yes,” you coughed awkwardly, feeling as if you had just verbally fallen flat on your face. Still Albedo did nothing but smile, something which eased your nerves slightly.

“I’m glad. I thought I might have done something, and that you no longer wished to talk to me.”

“You didn’t! It was my fault, I’m really sorry I went so long without contacting you. Really, really sorry.”

“There’s no reason to apologize. But are you sure that it’s only you? Are you sure I didn’t do something to make this happen?”

“Well,” you paused. What was the correct answer? Yes didn’t seem right, but no also stuck in your throat. “I, I don’t know.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just, I don’t, I sometimes, I have a hard time knowing what you think of me Albedo.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, am I a friend? Do you like me? I know that you don’t dislike me, or at least I hope you don’t since you let me trail along so often. But still… I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s because you like me, or because I’m not enough of a bother to send home.” It was close enough to the truth.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you confused,” Albedo’s voice was warm, but there was an urgency to it that broke the usual calm. Looking up into Albedo’s face, having been examining the ground previously, you watched as flashes of emotions crossed the alchemist’s face. “I didn’t realize that I didn’t make my feelings clear. I don’t dislike you. I very much like when you’re around me. I, I think you’re my friend.”

“You think?” How come everything was so confusing?

“In truth, I find classifying relationships difficult. It’s not like alchemy, it’s too messy. So, sometimes I don’t even know how to classify my own relationships. But if there are people in this world who would consider me a friend, who I would consider a friend, you are certainly one of them.”

It was all you could’ve asked for in the moment. Letting a smile erupt across your face, you closed the space left between the two of you. “Thank you for telling me! I’m sorry I was being so selfish by hiding away.

“You weren’t being selfish,” Albedo replied. “You were completely within your rights.”

“Thank you,” you murmured. Gazing up at Albedo you found the words coming out of your mouth before you could stop them. “May I say something that might be selfish?”

“What is it?”

“I’ve fallen in love with you, a little bit.”

You watched as Albedo’s eyes widened in surprise. At first you thought you might’ve made a mistake, leapt and fallen into the gulf. However before you could continue that train of thought a smile bloomed on the alchemist’s face in front of you. Taking your hand Albedo leaned over and whispered into your ear.

“Und ich auch.”

[stardomthenightwing]

I’ve already given my opinion on Glorybringer multiple times, but I’ve recently discovered something about the 2nd and 3rd Wings of Fire books that I think needs to be shared. Sure, Tui isn’t a perfect author, but she really doesn’t get enough credit for the things she does right. So I want to address something that she did so right that some of us didn’t even notice it. We all like to dismiss Glorybringer as a total failure that shouldn’t be remembered, and I’ve noticed that a majority of older people who read the series say that Glorybringer was just made to appeal to children and convince them that “younger and older people relationships” are okay. Some even go as far to say that Tui is a not so pleasant word. Yes, Glorybringer does appeal to children in that way, but that isn’t the whole side of the representation she gives. And it is the complete opposite of a failure, it’s actually a huge success, and here’s why:

The second book in Wings of Fire, “The Lost Heir”, will be my main focus in this first section. You are probably questioning why I have to cover this book, and it is because it provides the character Whirlpool. You all remember him, right? He was annoying, boring, gross and creepy, and most importantly, he wanted to marry a child that was way younger than him. The reason he’s important is because he demonstrates one side of the “older person dating younger person” spectrum. Nobody really wants to remember Whirlpool because he was a creep. Then, comes a second relationship that is very similar and different from his in “The Hidden Kingdom”.

Now let’s talk about Glorybringer in this second section. About halfway through book 3, we are introduced to this skilled assassin named Deathbringer. He isn’t that likable at first because he’s literally flirting with a child and comes across as another Whirlpool, but then, we get to know him better as the book progresses. Deathbringer turns out to be a pretty normal nightwing and clearly cares about Glory. Sure, we may think his actions are a little weird, like how he’s drawn to protect the queen at all times, but that’s just how their relationship works. All relationships are different, and we don't have the right to judge their behavior just because we don’t fully understand it. As long as it’s a healthy, happy relationship where nobody is getting hurt, it’s neutral, and you can disagree, depending on your personal experiences.

Now the point of this whole thing is not to convince you in any way to either side of this controversy because nobody’s personal experience is “wrong”, but rather to enlighten you on the clever structuring of these mirrored books. “The Lost Heir” introduces Whirlpool and an example of an unhealthy “older and younger relationship”, and “The Hidden Kingdom” introduces Deathbringer and an example of a healthy “older and younger relationship”. Her main audience is children, and the fact that she takes the time to teach children about these kinds of relationships equally is extremely respectable. She gives a fair argument against and for the “older and younger person relationship” to help kids decide what they think of this adult concept. Many people are quick to judge Tui on this, but she actually put a lot of thought into this part of the books. She doesn’t pressure the readers into agreeing that the Glorybringer relationship is okay because before you know it, their relationship fades into the background of the books and is no longer relevant.

I personally think that the inclusion of Glorybringer and Anemonepool was one of the smartest choices she made early on for Wings of Fire, and she’s never really credited for this clever comparison. You don’t have to like what she’s doing, but you shouldn’t put her down for wanting to demonstrate these relationships in two different lights for other people to see because other people are allowed to hear other's ideas and form their own thoughts on those ideas. I’m personally not a Glorybringer fan, and I live in a country where this kind of stuff is not okay. But I still respect that Tui wants to fight controversy and raise the next generation to not stereotype a relationship just based on ages. As Atticus Finch from the famous book “To Kill a Mockingbird” stated, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb in his skin and walk around in it.” I’m so glad to see that modern authors are applying this theme to not just racism, but other things too!

Once again, in no way is this opinion forcing you to think that these relationships are okay, it is just retelling what Tui has already told in her books and praising her for the fair representation of the negative and positive aspects of these kinds of relationships she gives.

Now do I support these kinds of relationships? I don’t support the stereotypes on it, but I think it is abnormal. I can’t say it’s negative because I’ve never been in one of those relationships, and I can’t say that it’s positive because I’ve never been in one of those relationships. So I must stay open minded to what others have to say and be neutral on this topic because I still don’t fully understand it, and I won’t hate other people who are for and against it because disagreements shouldn’t always rule my relationships.

[icequeenbae]

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 1 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.7k (Chapter 1)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist   >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Yay, this is happening!!! My first BaekBaёk, oml I’m gonna-

Ok. I’ll admit right off the bat that I wouldn’t be posting this any time soon without my lovely beta @baekshoney​ 🖤 She’s the person I turn to when I think there’s a million little things I could’ve done better, because that’s what I always think. I had to give myself a cut-off date to finally give up editing this 😅 So, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could share your thoughts and opinions on this too. My asks, dms and comments are places where you’re always welcome! Now, let’s get into this!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove

Chapter 1. The beginning of the end 

It was all too sudden.

The words he’d said deafened you. Refusing to believe what you were hearing, you shook your head and took a step back, as if doing so could start the conversation you’d just had over. Or rewind the time and allow you to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth in the first place. But he was firm, unyielding in his stance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘It’s my fault. I should’ve known better.’

Than to start this relationship, was what he meant. That he should have avoided getting in a relationship with you altogether, and breaking up with you would’ve never become an issue.

‘Why?’ You tried to speak, but your lower lip started to tremble, silencing you at once.

This was all wrong. It couldn’t have been true, what he was saying.

He licked his lips, looking away, hands forming tight fists at his sides as he tried to recollect himself and urge his body to stay frozen on the spot.

That did not work for long – the sight of you, so small, so stunned and defeated, with tears welling in your eyes while you tried to stifle them… He couldn’t. It was stupid of him to break his act so easily, but you were too precious to him to just leave you like this.

Sighing and cursing himself out in his mind, he took a stride towards you and gathered you tightly in his arms.

‘I am sorry, Y/N,’ he continued softly, hearing you hiccup in his unexpected embrace. ‘But I have to leave. We- I should’ve stayed away from you from the start. Forgive me for being so weak.’

You sobbed at his words, shaking your head stubbornly and clinging to his broad chest as an act of desperation.

‘I can come with you!’

‘No,’ he interrupted your crazy idea. ‘I’m leaving you behind. To keep you safe.’

‘Safe from what?’ You questioned, half-annoyed now.

He kept insisting that he wished to protect you, but how was leaving you all alone ensuring your security? And why would you even consider it, when you only felt safe while with him?

‘I cannot tell you. The more you know, the more dangerous it is.’

‘Baekhyunie, please,’ you wiped the tears and grabbed onto his vest as he moved to pull away. ‘You can’t just decide this on your own!’

‘Y/N,’ he took hold of your wrists, not removing them just yet. ‘I know it’s hard, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind. I’d rather break your heart than risk your life, so it’s not really a choice.’

He looked around as if to make sure you were not being watched, and then leaned in to place a farewell kiss on your temple – his favorite spot. You sniffled, realization of the inevitable setting in.

‘Just let me go, flower,’ his voice lowered to a whisper, and you sobbed at the pet name. ‘You’ll be better off without me, I promise.’

‘No,’ you protested as he freed himself from your grasp, and took a step back. ‘No, Baekhyun, don’t leave,’ you clawed at his forearm, trying to stop him. ‘We can deal with it together, we can think of something! I don’t want to be without you,’ you whimpered sorrowfully.

He shook his head, shying away from your touch, while you desperately tried to hold him back.

But you couldn’t. He gently peeled your hands off to walk away, and you missed the pained crease between his eyebrows when he turned his back on you to escape your apartment.

‘Please, don’t do this…’ You whispered, voice breaking in anguish. Just as your heart was.

Yet, Baekhyun kept walking. Leaving you to weep in the unwelcoming emptiness of your home.

Leaving you for good.

***

Your relationship with Baekhyun started almost three years ago.

Still new to university life, you found yourself in the midst of a soap opera worth of drama when a bunch of transfer students joined all at once, some even in the same year as you. All highly attractive, they usually hung out together and spent less time than needed socializing with the outside world.

Not that you cared too much – sure, the excitement going around was making you curious, but they looked too handsome, almost to the extent that you found it intimidating. Ironically, the most intimidating you found Baekhyun. His then long dark hair with strands of red and a mullet hairstyle, the sharp green eyes, the pierced eyebrow, and the lip ring that made him look like a very attractive hooligan... The piercings turned out to be just as fake as the eye color, which did not disappoint you at all.

Funny enough, you only got to know this bad boy because he took a liking to retreating to the campus library. Hiding from all of the attention, of course. While some members of his clique actually basked in it, he preferred to disappear to the remote aisles of the quiet space and read a book, or, more likely, sleep with one on his chest. You saw him like that often, since you were stuck in there yourself – essays for different classes were piling up rapidly. As a diligent student, you were determined to do well in your first year of university, so dragging yourself to the library to stay glued to your laptop was the best option.

Coincidentally, you also preferred to stay in the less lively spaces, as you tended to seek peace and quiet to focus on your assignments. Your attention span… wasn’t impressive, to say the least, so you did your best to avoid any distractions. However, you didn’t count on a certain sleep lover to be one of them.

It was not the first day you spent close enough to notice the tranquil expression he wore on his face as he was snoozing. It was, however, the first time he caught you staring mindlessly in his direction. Burning the deepest shade of red in your cheeks, you grabbed your books and quickly made yourself scarce, thanking heavens for the multiple aisles of books around. You walked around for ten minutes or so, actually placing your books back where they belonged and finding a secluded corner to check out what else was on the shelves. Squinting, you tried to read the name of the tome that had gotten your attention, and raised your arm to get it from the level that was clearly too high for you. Thankfully, someone reached over your head and helped you obtain the book. You turned around to say thank you but instead were suddenly pushed back into the shelf by the taller figure with neat red strands. Speechless, you only held your book close and gaped at him, as he leaned forward.

‘Ever heard about the cat killed by curiosity?’ He hummed, eyes piercing you from above.

You swallowed, knees getting weaker as you registered the fresh musky smell coming off of his brightly colored shirt.

To push your buttons, he decided to get even more scandalously close to you, arm holding onto the rack behind you to keep balance.

‘Nothing wrong with being curious!’ You jabbered. ‘In fact, if people preserved the curiosity they have as kids they would’ve had a much bigger learning capacity as adults.’

He huffed. You weren’t sure if he was shocked or amused, because your eyes looked anywhere but his face. In fact, they lowered enough to fix on your forearm, resting across his rib cage, and your fist pressing slightly into his pec to keep him at least at a minimal distance.

At this you gasped, eyes widening and returning to his face, only to catch an inquisitive spark in his retinas as he nudged the lip ring with his tongue. Sighing, he took a step back, finally allowing some space between you.

‘Can’t write a philosophy essay with this, little flower,’ he chuckled. ‘Or if you can… I’d be impressed.’

You looked down in confusion, understanding that the book you were holding was from a Botanics section. ‘The Oxford Book of Wild Flowers’, read the title.

But… How did he know about your philosophy assignment?

***

Only later had Baekhyun confessed that he had had an eye on you for a while by the time this incident took place, but the moment of your outburst was what got to him. When he looked down at your cornered form, holding a book to your chest so innocently, and keeping him away instinctively with one arm. He had to bite his tongue to prevent a smile from making its way onto his face. That was it for him, and even though he wanted to avoid you and keep interactions with you to an absolute minimum, he couldn’t help but find ways to draw your attention. Like that one time, when you walked out of the library because the loud noises from the outside made your concentration for the night crumble.

The source of that noise was, in fact, a certain convertible, blasting the music for the entire campus to hear. You would have come up to complain that your studying was cut short if you didn’t have perfect eyesight. It allowed you to see that there was a red-haired problem sat in the car, with a bare foot resting lazily against the panel. Ready to run the other way, you turned around, meeting a solid chest with your forehead. You discovered that it was a rather cheerful guy in the same year as you, Jongin, and the other one with him was Sehun. And those two stalled you long enough for Baekhyun to make an entrance.

It was the first time he tried asking you out. And got rejected.

However, as much as you wanted to take ownership of that and say that you were playing hard to get when you walked off and left him stunned by your refusal, that was not the case. This guy made your throat go dry at the mere sight of him! He was way too handsome, and he also looked kind of… well, he looked like he’d break your heart without thinking twice about it. And that you couldn’t allow.

But then again, good girls do tend to fall for bad boys. Or was he only pretending to be bad? You’d never heard anything that discredited him, except for the way he stared people down sometimes. That once happened to a fellow student in your class. After he sat next to you during lunch.

Actually, almost the entire week following that incident you had lunch alone because everyone kept making excuses to sit elsewhere. That was how you became friends with Jongin and Sehun. Having had a few classes together, you were more or less acquainted with each other, so you didn’t mind when Jongin suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a tray and asked you if they could join. He even had lunch with you when Sehun wasn’t around – you figured that it made Jongin even more chatty. So much so, that one day he leaned across the table to get slightly closer, and used his most clandestine voice on you.

‘You know, hyung could burn a hole in anyone next to you with his glare, but I’m immune to his ‘charms’, thankfully,’ he giggled and added, ‘Still, I think you should give him a chance. Baekhyun’s a good guy, and he’s kinda torn as it is. Asking you out was a pretty big step for him.’

Honestly, you had a hard time believing that. Baekhyun… was probably the kind of guy, who never even had to ask. You could look around and easily spot a dozen eyes that were fixed on him at this very moment. Why in the world would he want to date you, clearly not the ‘easy-going’ party type? He probably wanted to get into your pants just for sport, like the rest of the pretty boys.

‘Whatever you’re thinking, it’s far from the truth. Ugh, Junmyeon will kill me for this!’ Jongin cursed himself and continued, before you could ask. ‘Hyung looks rough around the edges, but he’s really a softie. Trust me on this.’

‘Are you his wingman or something?’ You snorted dubiously, getting a little timid from this discussion.

‘Ha, are you kidding? He’s gonna strangle me if he finds out. Like I said, he’s torn between staying away from you and persisting in his efforts to take you out. Just think about it,’ he ended with an attempted (but failed) wink.

As if to take away your chance to process the unexpected input, Jongin shoved Baekhyun in your direction the very next day. Disappearing from the cafeteria right after, of course. Envy his subtlety. But, apparently, what he said earlier had an effect, so you only nodded when a flustered figure asked for permission to sit with you. He looked quite different from the previous times you saw him up close – much less confident and intimidating. But he seemed sincere when he said he just wanted one chance.

And that was how your relationship picked up. It took a whirlwind course from the very beginning, and the hot summer before your second year of university was the most torturous time ever for the both of you. Still wary of getting played, you only trusted Baekhyun enough to get intimately close months and months into dating. And he was patient with you, going at a slow pace, letting you pull away whenever you wanted. Until you didn’t want to anymore.

That last leap of faith was a beginning in itself – a true beginning of you and Baekhyun. The final seal was broken, and you entrusted yourself fully to him, which he repaid by showering you in his affection and feelings that he himself had not come to acknowledge just then.

After a year together, you were not simply allowed into the inner circle, but also educated about the special abilities that Baekhyun and his friends had. You were first interrogated by their leader, Junmyeon, who wanted to make sure you had no ulterior motives and were not going to tell a living soul about them. He called it ‘a quick chat’ as he dragged you in a scarcely furnished room where he sat you down at the small metal table across from him. The leader asked you questions and tried reading your verbal and non-verbal cues, so it was clearly an interrogation. Junmyeon was pretty experienced in this, so he could instantly tell that you were harmless. And you also passed the test, answering the most ridiculous questions about Baekhyun – apparently, that was to make sure you were not ‘faking it’ – so, he accepted you into their family.

However, knowing too much was dangerous, so you only learned about their powers and how they came from the so-called EXO Planet when they were young (talk about dating an alien!), and that the organization they called ‘the Red’ amongst themselves wanted to hunt them down. They also used to be held hostage by these people – and that was just about as much you knew about the issue because Baekhyun kept you away from the ‘unnecessary details’. He only told you that they seemed to be hidden well in this town, surrounded by just enough people to blend in and disappear. And you worried, always, because you knew too little about the dangers surrounding the group, and even less about how you could contribute to their safety.

Baekhyun laughed when you once brought it up, finding your concern nothing but cute.

‘You don’t have to worry about it, flower. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe, not the other way around,’ he then said, playing with the curly ends of your hair.

You frowned at that. Why was it not your job to take care of him? If you could help, you wanted to help. But he always brushed you off, saying that the only thing you should do to help is staying out of trouble. Like that was a challenge – you either studied or hung out with him and his friends, not much room to stir trouble. The only other person you talked to regularly was your roommate, and she was also pretty harmless.

As time went by, you got closer to your own graduation, basically, one year left before you had to figure it out for yourself again. Your boyfriend was always supportive, but you couldn’t help but wonder how he imagined your future. He was always up to something but never shared it with you since it was ‘nothing for you to worry about’. Had he not shown you his actual abilities before, you would’ve certainly thought that it was a crazy lie he told you to cover up for some kind of illegal activity. In reality, some illegal activities were going on, especially since hacking and cracking was one of Minseok’s specialties (but mostly because they needed to keep their identities out of sight). Another reason why they didn’t all go to the same school when they arrived, and also why they changed their appearance ever so often. The lucky mullet was long gone by the time you had your first Christmas together, and you had had the pleasure of seeing him in multiple hair colors throughout almost three years of your relationship. Notably, the first dozen or so make-out sessions you had with him took place when he had just cut his hair and dyed it pitch black. And he still wore his fake lip ring at the time, which was an experience in itself. He did know how to use his mouth…

Admittedly, you were kind of used to being the object of the boys’ shameless teasing every time you hung out together. The way Baekhyun kept you close and fussed about everything was, apparently, atypical for their usually chill and humorous hyung. He was their second-in-command, after all, the genius behind the strategic planning of the group, and the mind that kept them hidden for so long in one place.

Because of you.

One of the boys had previously let it slip that they hadn’t lived anywhere for that long before, maybe not even for one full year. But this time Baekhyun was determined to stay for a while, now that he had an anchor.

But the day came. When he found out that they might’ve been compromised, he got scared. The way he’d never feared anything before. And he’d been through a lot, to put it mildly. Baekhyun could maintain a cold and sharp mind at all times, that was his thing, but not when it came to you. Once he figured out that there was a real chance, that they could’ve found the EXO hideout and, thus, could connect you to the boys, he couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by a sudden panic, he sought advice from the leader.

‘You know it’s not me who’s supposed to decide,’ Junmyeon sighed, looking at his disheveled second. ‘I told you a relationship wasn’t a good idea. I also think that keeping her close means putting her life in jeopardy.’

His words were cutting through Baekhyun as he paced the room, long fingers grasping his own hair.

‘But it still may be a safer option than leaving her here,’ the leader added, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘We need to relocate fast, and you have the ‘better of two evils’ situation on your hands.’

‘I know I should leave her,’ Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the leader. ‘But what if they already know, hyung?’

‘Minseok had every trace of her erased, not a single camera in town had a glimpse of her with you. They might have found our footprints in the sand, but those don’t necessarily lead to her. I suppose they should move on as soon as they come here and realize that we’re nowhere around.’

‘Most likely, but what if-’

‘They can very well catch up to us while we run. Like I said, there isn’t a right answer, but a choice. And I think that you’ve already made it when you should give her a voice, too,’ the leader pushed.

‘I-’ Baekhyun turned away to hide the glassy eyes from Junmyeon. ‘I have to give her a chance, hyung. I cannot sentence her to a lifetime of running and danger. And I know she’s silly enough to throw herself into it if she has a say in this.’

‘And if you’re wrong? You’re going to break her heart as a precaution?’

‘She won’t die from a broken heart. Can you imagine what they’d do to her if they find out?’

Junmyeon bit his lip. This time, the choice was completely out of his hands. He thought his second was making a mistake, but it was not his place to decide. Exhaling again, he nodded.

‘Tell her in the morning. We’re moving out as soon as the rain starts.’

>> Chapter 2

A/N: So, what do you think? This is more of an introductory chapter, I know, but it covers quite a lot of their relationship with Baek. You must be excited to see where this goes and when Baёk appears? Or if Baekhyun is coming back? Me too, me too 🙈

[golden-barnes]

First of many

Summary: This is your first anniversary with Spencer. And it’s nerve racking.

Pairing: Spencer Reid X GN!Reader

Content/Warning: Just fluff cause I’m a softie. But a few curse words and mention of anxiety.

Word Count: 2,021

Author’s note: I wrote this for @homoose​ ‘s creator challenge because I love her Spencer fics. I am so happy that you reached 2k, you deserve it and more. 

Spencer was, scrolling through Netflix, while you were getting some snacks. He came across Pan’s Labyrinth, which was the first movie the two of you had ever watched. 

Very early on you had realized that Spencer hasn’t watched a lot of pop culture-relevant movies and that’s when you decided that they would have mini movie marathons to get him caught up. Spencer smiled at the memory that was in the first months of your relationship. And then it hit him, like a bag of bricks. 

Their first anniversary was coming up. Real soon. Like in two weeks soon. How could Spencer forget? He had an eidetic memory. It’s just that everything was just so fast and nice, that it seems like time passed him by and he didn’t even notice. He didn’t have to stress about anything, everything came naturally between you two. 

Yes, there were ups and downs. Spencer is a stubborn man and you can be even more stubborn. He would try to protect you by closing off, you would call him out on it. He had his bad days and you had her bad days too, but would always talk it out and resolve it.

He loved you with all his might and you had made this year incredible. He felt at home when he was with you. He never imagined being able to feel this love for a singular person. And he was excited to show you. 

One problem though; this was the first time one of his relationships has lasted more than a few months. He didn’t know how to start. He didn’t know the proper etiquette for anniversaries. Hell, he had never read any literature about how to celebrate an anniversary. Fuck, what was he going to do? 

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, while waiting for the popcorn to be done to get back to cuddling with your boyfriend, You had an inkling that you were missing something. It was like an itch you couldn’t scratch. You grabbed your phone to see if there was anything that would help you remember. But nothing. You still felt something wasn’t right. That’s when you saw it.

You knew you weren’t going to remember, you didn’t have Spencer’s memory. You wrote it on your calendar that was on the fridge. It was right there, with a red heart around the day and everything. Fuck.

Your anniversary was coming up. And you had no idea what to do. But that wasn’t the most stressful thing about the entire thing. It was that it was a reminder that you were Spencer’s longest relationship and this was the first time he has ever lasted a year with someone.

Spencer told you in the beginning about his woes and struggles with dating and being in a relationship. You found it adorable how nervous he was trying to figure out how to manage these relationship things. You even heard him talking to Derek and Luke one night to get advice. 

Thankfully, he was much more comfortable now and realized that he just had to be himself. But those first months were filled with you reassuring Spencer that he didn’t have to change or anything. That you loved him just the way he was.

That’s why you wanted to make this day special for Spencer. To celebrate that you have overcome multiple obstacles and are still together, one year later. To show him that he was the best boyfriend you could ever wish for. But, how can you do that? How can you make this the perfect day for the certified genius that was sitting in the living room? 

Out of all his friends, he knew only one of them could help him. Someone with the creativity, the passion for love, and the knowledge of you and that was Miss Penelope Garcia. Before he could even finish his sentence, she already knew what to do. 

She grabbed a piece of paper off her desk and started to scribble some words down. 

“Okay, boy wonder, you will meet me here after your last class. I will not accept any excuses. ” She gave Spencer a piece of paper. He smiled at his friend.

“Oh, I’m not done yet, mighty professor. How do you feel about shopping?” Spencer’s eyes widened. Shopping with Garcia wasn’t an easy thing, or so he heard from JJ.

“Hey, Reid! What are you doing here?” Luke said, poking his head from the door. 

“I- uhm. My classes are later in the day and I wanted to ask Garcia something.” Spencer told his friend, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Luke smiled at the brunet and turned his attention to Garcia. 

“It’s Spencer and Y/N anniversary in a couple of weeks and we are gonna help our beautiful genius.”  She said with the biggest smile. Luke laughed at Spencer’s confusion.

“Oh, this gonna be so much fun.” Garcia clapped.

You, on the other hand, were on a phone call with Emily ranting about it. You had no idea how to start. You knew what you were going to get him, sorta. Okay, you thought about one thing. But it wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel like enough.

“Y/N, calm down.” Emily laughed.

“Emily! Please, I need your help.” You groaned while Emily let another laugh. 

“How about a picnic?” She suggested.

“I don’t know. He probably won’t like the grass being close to the food. And then there’s all the people at the park. I don’t think Spencer would enjoy all the germs there must be. ” You rubbed your eyes, stressing out.

“Well, picnics don’t have to be in parks.” And that, folks, is why in Emily Prentiss we trust. You both started scheming to make this the best anniversary ever.

It wasn’t a competition but not even an unbiased jury of profilers and behavior specialists can decipher which one of you two was more nervous. 

On one hand, we had Spencer checking his gift that he put in the backseat so you wouldn’t be able to peak. His head wasn’t even in the conversation you were trying to form, keyword trying. He just felt his hands getting clammy. His heart was in his throat, not literally but he felt it. He had never done something like this.

Then, on the other hand, we had you. Gripping the steering wheel as if someone was going to rip it from you. You were trying to calm yourself down by talking with Spencer but he kept looking over his shoulder, staring at the gift he got you. He said he wasn’t gonna show it to you till you reached your destination. The minute you saw a big purple gift bag, you felt your heart stop. But also your brain starts to run. What if he didn’t like your gifts? 

You parked in front of the location and turned off the car. Spencer gave you a soft smile and grabbed your hand. He kissed it and rubbed the place where he planted the kiss.

“What was that for?” You giggled. 

“No reason. Just because I love you.” He gave you a wink. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for a soft kiss.

“C’mon, sweetie. Let’s go.” You opened your car door and headed out. You entered the place, trying to set out everything.

“You can do this, Reid.” Spencer took a deep breath, grabbed the gift, and headed to where you were. 

Spencer knocked on the door and quickly you opened it. You gave him a smile and let him in. Spencer gasped.

“Ta-da!” It was an art gallery, filled with brand new paintings and unknown artists. But in the middle of the room, there was a blanket, a light candle, and a picnic basket. 

“What? I- How did you do this?" Spencer couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was just too overwhelming.

"Well, Emily Prentiss has friends in high places. And one of them just so happened to own this gallery." You explained, grabbing his hands leading him to the blanket. "So what do you think?" 

"I love it so much! It's- Woah." Spencer was speechless. His eyes were sparkling with love. He couldn't believe it.

"Did I just render doctor Spencer Reid speechless?" You joked, Spencer rolled his eyes.

"You know it's not that difficult for you." You smiled at his words. Spencer remembered his gift and started to scratch his neck nervously. How could he top this? What he didn’t realize is that you are still nervous.

"Do you- uhm- want to have your gift right now?" He grabbed the purple gift bag, clenching it close to his heart. 

“Well if you want to.” You said, trying to ease his discomfort. 

“I mean you already gave me my present and it was spectacular. It’s only fair and just that I give you yours. Obviously, if you want to wait it’s fine by me. Or if you don’t want it till we get home, I understand. I-” Spencer rambled, before being cut off by you.

“Spence, hey, calm down. First of all, this isn’t your only gift.” You stated. Spencer looked at you strangely. 

“Woah, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but this is enough. I mean look at this. This is incredible. I can’t believe you did this. I love everything about it. It’s the best way to have a picnic. ” He exclaimed. You chuckled at your boyfriend’s excitement. 

“It’s just a small thing. Don’t worry about it. Now.” You made grabby hands at him, and he laughed while giving you the gift. You opened the bag to see a familiar color purple ball of yarn, a box, and a little book.

“I know you like my purple scarf and since I take it to cases sometimes, so I made you one.” You pulled the scarf out of the bag.

“How?” You gasped. 

“Garcia took me to this recreational center she volunteers at and they had a knitting class. I don’t know, it just made sense.” Spence explained. 

“It’s even warmer than yours.” You said putting it around your neck. Spencer’s heart clenched. “Wait, there’s more. Right.” You pulled the box out of the bag and opened it. It was a simple gold necklace with an S on it. You gasped at the gift. 

“Spencer, I-” “That’s not all. Look at the book.” It was a simple leather small letter notebook. You gave Spencer a look, to which he responded by giving you a reassuring smile.

You opened it to see Spencer’s writing on the first page. 

Whenever you are feeling sad, lonely, or need a pick me up, read a page from this book.

With love, Spencer 

“They are a collection of love letters. Or messages meant to be in love letters, to you.” He said softly.

“Oh, Spencer!.” You pulled into a hug. He gripped you tightly. You pulled away and started peppering kisses all over his face.

“I love you so much.” You said, grabbing his face. He smiled. Something Spencer loved was when you hold his face in your hands. It made him feel safe and loved.

“And I love you.” He leaned in and kissed you. You pulled away first and gave him a smile.

“‘Now time for your present.” You opened the basket to pull out a box. Spencer grabbed the box out of your hands and started to take off the gift wrap. Spencer gasped, his eyes almost bulging out of his skull.

“You didn’t.” He said his eyes never leaving the book in his hands. You chuckled. Spencer had recently been going through all of his mom’s scrapbooks. And you would sit in his lap while he explained every picture and every article. It was like a therapeutic thing. So you decided you wanted to make one for you guys. 

“Oh but I did.” You winked at him. He went through the pictures with tears in his eyes. A year’s worth of memories, right there. He noticed there were a couple of blank pages.

“For the years to come.” You said softly. 

“For the years to come.” Spencer repeated.

[cazimagines]

Oblivious

Request from anon: Hi, I really enjoy your writing, particularly your Zemo fics! I had an idea for one that basically follows the while y/n joining Sam, Bucky, and Zemo through Madirpoor and Riga. Only despite Zemo’s flirting, y/n doesn’t really do anything about it or even notice until y/n along with Sam and Bucky witness Walker (New Captian America) murder a flag smasher in the street. They all go back to the safe house and y/n is like, in shock. “Captian America just killed someone” is all y/n can really say. And Zemo is able to calm them down. Maybe the romance can start then?

Word count: 3.4k

Author’s note: This one-shot can be multiple parts, if you would like to see a sequel please say! If I do decide to write a sequel though it will take me a while as I’ve had a lot of requests, please check out my master list to see what I have coming up next and if requests are currently open or not

Masterlist

(Please check out my master list to see what I will be writing next and if requests are open or closed)

Cross-posted to ao3 under the same username

Heels clicked along the pavement as you sashayed along the road, approaching the men before you, two of which you know fondly. The other one, however... not so much.

They all stood close together in a circle, obviously discussing something important but at hearing your voice call out their heads turn towards you, a smile appearing on Sam and Bucky’s faces as they see you. “Long time no see boys,” you say, stopping a few feet away from them to lean on a wall.

They both walk over to you, Bucky pulling you into and hug then followed by Sam hugging you tightly. “Thank you for agreeing to help us out y/n. I know things haven’t been easy for you,”

You fake a smile at Bucky, one you hoped he wouldn’t see past resting your arm around his shoulder. “Anything for my friends,”

He was right, though. These times haven’t been easy for you, especially after Steve Rodgers left. Captain America had always been your idol, ever since you were a little kid you aspired to be just like him. You collected all the Captain America merchandise along with your brother Phil, always arguing with him who owned which toy of his. Meeting Steve had been a dream come true for you. He was the person you were closest to. He helped you come to terms with your brother’s death and whenever you needed help; he was there. You two stuck together through the thick and thin. That’s was how you got to become good friends with Sam and Bucky. You and Steve have always had a complicated relationship, though. You two liked each other and tried to see if you could be something more, but it never seemed to work out. Then Thanos happened. You, along with half the universe, were dusted. For you it was as if you had simply blinked however for Steve it was five years without you. You barely got to see each other again before he went away for good. You couldn’t hate him for it, you understood why he did what he did. He was always telling you about the ’40s, about his childhood, about her. You just wished you weren’t so connected with him. Seeing him there, old, dying. It broke your heart. But times move on. You can’t live in the past as he did.

Your eyes focus on the man behind Sam and Bucky and you frown, pulling your arm away from Bucky. A man you never thought you would see again was staring right back at you.

He stood a few feet back, knowing he wasn’t welcomed in the warm reunion of friendship. He clasped his hands, unsure what exactly he should do right now, feeling awkward, but as he looked over at you his eyes twinkled with recognition. Now you had been interesting to him. You weren’t a super soldier like Steve and James. Yet you certainly could hold your own against them. He had seen when he had first activated James. No, your strength and fighting abilities were down to your own human powers and he admired that. You were one of the few avengers he might have had an inkling to like if the Sokovia attack never happened. Still, it wasn’t as if you were to blame for it. The people who were to blame had suffered for it. You were merely the pawn in the giant game of chess. Perhaps he could grow to like you, after all, he could admit you were certainly tempting to him, the way your body was shaped excited him, the way your neck was shaped made him want to brush his fingers along it and your piercing eyes felt like they could look into the darkest corners of his soul.

“Why is he out of prison?” you snap, bringing Zemo out of his trance

Sam turns to scowl at Bucky as you all turn to Zemo, who awkwardly smiles. “Bucky thinks we need him,” Sam mutters

“Why would we need him!” you exclaim, crossing your arms and shooting Bucky a glare.

“I am invaluable,” Zemo explains with his hands, his eyes unwavering from you as he answers for Bucky.

“He hates super-soldiers, therefore he will help us in getting to Karli,” Bucky says, stepping in front of your eyesight trying to explain himself.

“That also means he hates you, Buck,”

All of them freeze as you address the elephant in the room. Bucky grits his teeth and steps back, averting your gaze as you and Sam stare expectedly at him but he doesn’t respond so Zemo takes his opportunity to step closer to you, now only a few feet apart.

“I can assure you, getting rid of Karli and her super soldier friends is my priority. Not James,”

You clench your jaw in anger as you look at Zemo. He tilts his head, the side of his lip curling up slightly, hoping you’d take a chance on him. Sighing, you turn to shoot one more look at Bucky.

“Steve wouldn’t have liked this,”

Later you sat across from Zemo on his private jet. All of you sat in uncomfortable silence as you flew to Madripoor. Sam and Bucky did not seem as close as you were to both of them. They both just sat on their respective sides and looked out the window. Zemo had a book on him which he seemed very preoccupied reading, yet there were moments where you could feel his eyes settle upon you. Ignoring his inquisitive gaze, you choose to follow in Bucky and Sam’s lead of looking out the window and daydream the rest of the trip away.

Your mind trails back to Steve. You wondered just what Steve would have thought about you teaming up with Zemo. He would have understood, wouldn’t he? It was the best option you had. Ah, but he had always been such a stickler about the rules. Breaking a criminal out and helping him avoid the law wasn’t very patriotic of you. Yep, he would not have gone through with this plan, he would have found another way that worked. But none of the people here were him. He choose not to be here. You knew you had to let him go.

“Champagne?”

You pull your eyes away from the window, coming back to reality as you see a bottle of champagne in Zemo’s hand and an empty glass in his other hand. He already had another glass full beside him as he looked at you expectantly.

“No,”

“Sure?”

“What part of no do you not understand,” you snap harshly glaring at him then back out to the window

“My apologies,” he says, pursing his lips together as he looks down at the empty glass. He glances over to Sam and Bucky but they both shake their heads as well so he hands the glass and drinks back to his butler and sighs as he opens his book again.

The tension between all of you sticks around as you arrive at Madripoor. Zemo had provided you a tight-fitting dress to ‘appear the part’ of your allice, and it showed off a bit too much of your chest than you liked. It was too bright for you, golden and sparky, cutting off at your upper tight, and had a very low v cut. You try your best to pull it down to cover you some more but to no avail. Begrudgingly, you leave the plane to meet up with the rest of them.

“My my y/n, the dress suits you,” Zemo says, smirking as his eyes trail up and down your body as you walk past him taking a straight beeline towards Sam and Bucky.

“How long will this mission take?” you ask, already feeling the cold air nip at your skin.

“Few hours at the least. I’m sorry that you have to do this, y/n”

“Hey, I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to help you two,” you mutter as you hear a car pulling up behind you

“Not exactly this though,” Bucky grumbles, glowering over at Zemo who motions to the car that had arrived. Zemo opens the door and waits for you to get in however you walk to the other side of the car and get in. Bucky chuckles at Zemo’s annoyed expression as he instead gets into the side, which Zemo held open.

During the mission, Zemo kept getting uncomfortably close to you. Occasionally his hand brushed against your back as he moved past you, or his hand would bump into yours slightly, lingering against yours longer than normal.

You knew why he was doing this. Because of Steve. He knew how close you and Steve were, everyone did. During the fight between Steve and Tony which Zemo had helped cause you stuck by Steve every second. Now that Steve was gone, Zemo was trying to rub that in. Trying to irritate you on purpose. You would not let him get to you.

During the meeting with Selby you stood off to the side with Sam and you were feeling pretty good about yourself that the mission was going well until Sam’s phone rang. You tried to keep cool while also giving Sam the wtf look as to why he didn’t put his phone on silent. You hung out hoping things would go okay, but today wasn’t your day.

Shelby got gunned down in front of you, and the mission was ruined. Running in heels wasn’t ideal, but you had to make do. You followed Sam and Bucky as Zemo split up from you, running off somewhere else. Eventually, you kicked off your heels, believing running barefoot would be better than dealing with the agony of heels.

Finally, meeting back up with Zemo, you were ready to have to fight your way out of this mess, but then someone you didn’t think you would ever see again appeared. Sharon Carter. You two weren’t exactly buddy buddies. You got along for Steve’s sake, but it always felt like a sort of rivalry between you two for his attention.

“Y/n,” she says, finally addressing you

“Sharon,” you say back, feeling the awkwardness seep back in. Sharon didn’t seem bothered however, she even kindly let you have some new clothes and shoes which were much more comfortable than the ones Zemo lent you and more your style.

Walking back into the main room you see Zemo sitting down, once again drinking, Bucky sitting down as far away from Zemo as he could get and Sam standing at the side. You choose to stand by Sam.

“Hey, y/n, you doing okay?” Sam asks as you walk over.

“Better than other days. What are we waiting around for?”

“For Sharon to lead us to a party where she can get the information we need,” Zemo answers for Sam, peeking over at you. You ignore him.

Sharon comes back in and tells all of you not to get in trouble while you are out at the party.

“Trouble,” Zemo jokes, and he once again glances over to you, raising a glass and winking at you as he downs it.

Following Sharon, you head into the party. It was to show off the art pieces she had got a hold of so you thought you might as well look at them as you were unlikely to see any of these genuine pieces again. You could see however Zemo following you. He tried to be sly by checking out the other artworks near you, never exactly where you were, but you could tell because every time you moved to a new place soon enough Zemo would suddenly appear there as well. He leaned into one of the artworks, pretending to study it closely, but the corner of his eyes would flick over to you.

Groaning in frustration at your new stalker, you decide you had to lose him in the crowds. Swaying your body, you enter the dancing crowd and jump along to the music, letting yourself go. You could feel your excitement growing with the crowd as you danced, but with one quick turn around there, you saw him.

Zemo had now entered the crowd and was dancing along to the music as well, pumping his hands in time to it. As you stared at him in disbelief, he notices and takes that as an innovation to dance over to you.

“Dancing is fun, right?” he asks as he claps his hand to the music

“Why are you doing this!” you exclaim glaring at him.

His eyebrows furrow as he looks at you, “I don’t understand what you mean?”

You huff in annoyance and storm away, going to find Sam and Bucky leaving Zemo alone on the dance floor. He watches you go and sighs, moving away from the dance floor. It had been a long time since he last got to socialize with anyone and he was trying with you; he wanted to know you more, but he didn’t want to push you too far either if you were uncomfortable with it.

The next few hours felt like a blur to everyone. Sharon found out where the doctor was and you found out a bit of information before Zemo choose to shoot him. Then the whole place exploded, and you had to fight for your life while Zemo hijacked and car to pick you up. Now you were standing outside the safe house.

Zemo opened up the doors, and with his arm motioned for you to go in first. You roll your eyes at his extravagance and storm in, looking around the place. It was simple, but you could still tell that it was all designer, expensive to Zemo’s tastes. You sit down on the sofa while Zemo instantly gravitates towards the liquor cupboard.

“If you drink so much you won’t have long left to live” you mutter as you watch him pour some whiskey. His head shoots up as he turns sidewards to look at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Concerned about my health now?”

“I’d rather have you not pass out during a mission, at least till you are no longer of use to us then you can drink yourself to death for all I care,”

“Ah concern for the mission, yes you avengers folks are all the same. The mission takes precedence before anything else,” Zemo says, grabbing his glass and walking over to take a seat on the sofa opposite you.

You give him a cold hard stare crossing your arms. “What do you mean by that” you hiss

He tilts his head, smirking as he sees how riled up you were getting. “I’m simply observing that you have to put your mission before human lives. I know from how much I studied Steve-”

“Don’t bring Steve into this!” you exclaim, leaning forward, baring your teeth at him.

Zemo pauses for a moment shocked, he pulls his head back to observe, his mouth slightly ajar as his eyebrows cast down but realization dawns across his face.

“Ah, you and Steve, you two were an item,”

“It wasn’t like that” you murmur, jumping up from the sofa and pacing around the room to try to alleviate the agitation you felt, your nails digging into your arms as you wrapped them around your body in comfort.

“But there was something,” Zemo replies, watching you pace around the room then looking into the glass bitterly, his grip on it tightening.

You turn your back to Zemo to stare at your reflection in the mirror, seeing the tears swell up in your eyes.

“Why are you bringing this up? Why do you keep trying to annoy me Zemo, what purpose are you getting from this apart from some sick sadistic pleasure?”

It was Zemo’s turn to jump up from the sofa, hurt you could ever think so lowly of him, his eyebrows furrowed as he speeds over to you. He stands beside you, getting a lot closer to you than you would like. You turned your head away so he couldn’t see the tears threatening to fall.

“Do you think that bad of me? Y/n we may not have had the best first impression but know that it is never my intention to irritate or upset you,” Zemo says, trying to move even closer to you, but he moves a step too far and you back away.

“Just leave me alone, Zemo” you whisper, then run out of the room to find a bathroom to let everything out.

Zemo watches your form leave, angrily clenching his jaw, knowing he pushed it too far. The vein in his neck twitches as he grabs an ornament by the side of the mirror. Holding it in his hand, he observes the glass figure, a dove, then chucks it into the ground in rage, feeling an inkling of satisfaction at seeing it smash into a thousand pieces. He grabs more ornaments, at that moment not caring how much they each cost, just enjoy the release of anger he felt every time he smashed one.

-

You could hear the blood in your brain roar through your ears, the feeling of your heart hitting your chest in shock as you stared down at Lemar’s dead body.

Your eyes flicker to John’s who knelt beside him, trying desperately to wake him up, but you knew it was hopeless. Lemar was gone. Your eyes flickered around the rest of the room, Karli and her friend realising how bad they have messed up were already running away from the room. Bucky and Sam looked at each other as if knowing what was to happen. Your eyes finally land on Zemo’s. John had tried to arrest him, but you were able to stop him. Zemo was still useful though you hated to admit it, it wasn’t long however till the Dora Milaje would find him.

You feel a hand brush against your shoulder and snap back into reality, “We need to leave, now,” Zemo whispered in your ear, pulling your arm to make you move.

Gathering your senses, you let Zemo lead you out of the building as you hear a crash from above. Running out into the road, you and Zemo catch up beside Sam and Bucky and watch the disaster unfold.

There was John, in Cap’s uniform, holding Cap’s shield above that man.

Steve.

Steve’s shield.

You feel a scream tear from your lips as you watch John Walker bring the shield down, penetrating the man’s chest, staining it in blood. Tears leak from your eyes as you attempt to rush forward, to try and stop it, but arms grasp onto you, pulling you back.

“NO” you repeatedly cried, trying to worm your way out of the grasp, but they gripped you, refusing to let go. Your knees gave out and you sink to the floor, collapsing in the arms of the person who held you, your head buried in the fur part of their coat as they held you to their chest.

You kept sobbing, shaking as the image replayed over and over in your mind.

“Captain America just killed someone,” you whispered, unable to say anything else. The arms which held you picked you up, quietly shushing you, and carried you down a road, back into the safe house.

They tried to put you on the sofa but you clung to their body, not believing you could survive without their support, so they settle on lying down beside you on the sofa.

They turned you to face their body as their arms draped around you, gently rubbing circles into your back. Burying your head into their chest again, you let the sobs wail out as your chest ached from breathing.

“Captain America just killed someone,” you whisper again to him.

“That wasn’t Steve, y/n, Steve would never do something like that,” he murmured, his accent soothing your nerves.

“But it was his shield Zemo. The very thing I had idolized for so long,”

“A shield which by now no longer belongs to him. He was never Captain America y/n, what we just saw proved that. They will give the shield to someone better,”

You sniff, trying to prevent the snot from coming out of your nose as your bloodshot eyes look up into his, “Really?”

He gently smiles at you, taking his hand off your back to push a strand of hair that was hanging over your eye away.

“Yes, they won’t make the same mistake twice,”

Zemo’s words brought more comfort than you could have ever imagined. His embrace brought you warmth and you could feel yourself slowly stop shaking as he held you. Looking away from Zemo in embarrassment, you instead choose to snuggle your head back into his chest, hearing the rapid beating of his heart which lulled you to sleep.

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