#ranting about why donations with conditions are bad

[saintartemis]

Musings of a Museum Professional

You know you’re a museum pro when your spouse or partner not only knows museum lingo and best practices, but rants about them in public.

[thedenofravenpuff]

Ranting about a Walker

Welp, my request for a walker was denied after the lady watched me walk to the grocery store once on a good day with my cane and I told her getting the walker now was for preventional purposes, to get used to it BEFORE things gets worse.

Granted I just spent the last two days crippled in bed for no reason, but what do I know.

Really is on me for hyping myself up, thinking a good positive vibe at the meeting meant a positive outcome for my request. I really don't have the money to invest in a walker on my own right now, turns out disability pension dun pay that much and you don't exactly have much options for a pay raise. Still got bills and rent to use it on first.

And I only do voluntary work cuz anything that pays require a schedule I can't promise to stick to, with how unstable my health is.

All I can do is do my best with commissions but I tend to spend my PP money on donations and charity instead of a second income.

Just venting, I still got it relatively well compared to a lot of other people in my situation. I still live in a country with free healthcare that ensures I got a comfortable living situation.

A walker was the only other thing I've ever requested from the state to help with my condition, besides rent support. I can still request again should I feel my condition has changed enough to warrant for better better evidence second time around.. but again, the point was to obtain a secondary tool for support BEFORE things get that much worse..

Because if I have to push myself that far first that it'll be 'visibly acceptable'... it gonna hurt. Reall' bad, and I don't like that. That's why I asked for the walker NOW! To prevent that!

Urgh, just ranting.

[betafibiiiiiivviiixiiixxixxxiv]

Alright, this whole thing with Honey Impact is a clusterfuck, so I’m gonna make a rant (written with the help of friends) about it breaking every leg Honey Impact seems to think they can stand on. Buckle on in kids, because this is gonna be a long one.

Disclaimer: I am not a legal expert, but you do not have to be a legal expert to do some basic fucking research, which Honey Impact has clearly not done despite saying that they have.

First, it should be known that months ago Mihoyo released a statement asking people to stop supporting leaks and that they would be increasing efforts to deal with illegal disclosures of their unreleased content. This has been a long time coming, and honestly with the recent actions of leakers and/or dataminers, I think it’s deserved.

https://twitter.com/GenshinImpact/status/1372142018621706240

Second, unlike what many people seem to think, it is not unfair of Mihoyo to shut down Honey Impact’s site. It is within their rights. Honey Impact is sharing and profiting from content that does not belong to them. That is the bottom line of this. They do not own that content and they do not have the permission, nor the right, to share it.

Furthermore, Mihoyo did not go behind Honey Impact’s back to shut down their website. For example, if a streamer or youtube video infringes copyright, the company/corporation/individual/whatever entity holding that copyright would go to the highest power to tell the streamer or person who uploaded that youtube video that they’re infringing on that copyright, which would be Twitch and Youtube respectively. In this case, the highest power was the host domain hosting Honey Impact’s website.

https://twitter.com/HoneyDodogama/status/1436309421932548098?s=20

https://genshin.honeyhunterworld.com/2021/09/10/mhy-is-trying-to-take-us-down/?lang=EN

Heading on to the points from the 9/11 update Honey Impact shared on their website and on their discord blatantly trying to paint Mihoyo as the bad guy and claiming that what they’re doing is in fact not illegal and pretty much digging a bigger hole for themselves:

Here is where they claim they did some legal work to try and keep their website afloat. Honestly, it seems more like they were trying to find a way to keep doing their illegal work for profit.

1)    In their first point, they claim that the Terms of Service (ToS) is not a contract. That is incorrect. It is a contract. You may not have signed with your name in blood, but you agreed to it when you checked the little box(es) to access the game because a digital signature is still your signature. If you agreed to the ToS and you violate it, you can be held accountable for doing so. What kind of legal work are you doing that you don’t even know this?

2)     In this point they say that Mihoyo provides a software that requires Kernel level of access to your PC. First of all, you have to grant Mihoyo/Genshin this permission. It is like when an app on your phone asks you for permission to access your photos, your microphone, your camera, etc. Second, the Kernel level of access to your PC isn’t to steal and sell your information, install a virus, etc., but to enforce anti-cheat measures which is common in other games.

Furthermore, it has been adjusted to be as minimally invasive as possible and if they violated any rules or laws regarding invasion of privacy or if they made it so that your computer turned into a bitcoin farm, the Google Play Store and the Apple Store and other platforms would have removed Genshin Impact from their platform. (And Mihoyo would’ve gotten into a whole lot of trouble.) What kind of developer are you that you don’t even know this?

On top of their misleading accusations, they use cookie based ads on their own site. Aka the things that save and keep track of your emails, passwords, browser history, etc, and they sell it to the highest bidder without informing you of who or what it's for or giving you a single share of the profits they're making off the private information you have stored on your device(s) while accessing their site. So who is actually being invasive?

3)     Honey Impact does give credit where credit is due with the watermarks, but they host ads on the website and they run a Patreon asking people to support them in developing their website. Which is very hypocritical of them since they themselves said that they make 10kUSD+ a month and stated that they don’t want people in their discord server to donate to them. They also beg for donations in their streams.

They are not only illegally distributing someone else’s content, they are also profiting from it. This violates the fair use clause of copyright law.

This is like people taking artists’ work and selling them behind their back. Even if the artist is making bank compared to whatever you are making, it is still theft of intellectual property. You are pretty much reposting art that the artist has said not to repost. You are a thief. What kind of content creator are you that you don’t even know this?

4)     Unlike what Honey Impact has said, everything that is under the Genshin Impact banner, be it released content or unreleased is covered under the trademark that Mihoyo owns. As the owners of that trademark, they want Honey Impact to stop using their website to illegally share unreleased content that they illegally acquired.

Honey Impact also refers to their website as a fansite. But fansites generally aren’t for profit/have ad revenue, as profiting off of someone else's content goes directly against Fair Use, which they seem to think they are somehow entitled to if they scream about it loud enough… 

Just look at the Genshin Impact fandom wiki. There is a reason why they do not allow leaked/datamined/unreleased content on their page. (Because it is illegal!!!!!!!) Also, since Honey Impact was using Fandom, the host domain of the Genshin Impact fanwiki, as an example of an entity making money off of official content: first, Fandom hosts a lot more fanwikis than just the Genshin Impact fanwiki (which, btw, has no for-profit ads), which culminates in a lot more overall traffic compared to Honey Impact’s site of stolen goods. Which means Fandom needs more money.

https://twitter.com/HoneyDodogama/status/1436990491942342662?s=20

Second, again, the Genshin fanwiki DOES NOT POST UNRELEASED/LEAKED/DATAMINED CONTENT ON THEIR PAGES. BECAUSE DOING SO IS ILLEGAL. I don't know why Honey Impact thinks the fanwiki has that kind of content on its pages, but it doesn't.

Moreover, about not being subject to the NDA; it does not matter that Honey Impact, or anyone else on their team, did not sign an NDA. The crux of the matter is that the stuff they’re sharing doesn’t fucking belong to them. It is still theft of intellectual property.

Furthermore, this is not a grey area in law. Any company/corporation/individual/entitiy with a copyright has the right to tell other people to stop using their content protected by that copyright if they so choose. There has been precedent for this. D*sney is one such example as is Anne Rice.

As for other content creators that aren’t dataminers and/or leakers, they have been sanctioned by Mihoyo to release the content they have been releasing. Don't drag down other content creators such as streamers, artists, fanmerch creators, etc as they comply with a very much public list of conditions that Mihoyo has published to allow them to LEGALLY profit. They make fun of Mihoyo’s legal department not even being able to make a clear paragraph in English, yet Honey Impact’s English isn’t perfect either. So what if Mihoyo can’t spell? Honey Impact apparently can’t even read.

5)     What they are asking Honey Impact to do with their website is to follow the law. It is not some fraud company politics, it. Is. The. Fucking. Law. The reason they don’t want Honey Impact to have backups is because they’re not supposed to fucking have it in the first place. Furthermore, company politics has to do with what goes on inside the company, not what the company does to people/entities outside of it.

Ultimately, the stuff related to unreleased content of Genshin Impact Honey Impact has been posting on their website DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM. It’s bad enough that they were posting it without permission, it’s even worse that they were getting money for it.

Not to mention, with the way they have been acting, if you’ve been sympathetic and/or defending them, they really don’t deserve it. They added a pretty nasty disclaimer on their new website (which has since been deleted), which, by the way, can get them sued for libel, so that’s another charge on them, and also really shows how petty and childish they’re acting.

Moving on to how they claim they’re back, which at this rate won’t be for long, they say they’ve moved to an Amsterdam based server and that that server is non-DMCA compliant.

So Ionos, their former host server for their website, is, in Honey's words, "DMCA compliant" only in the sense that they take responsibility for the content posted on their platform(s) and domain(s). All that means is that Mihoyo has to go through the DMCA process with the company to officiate the start of the paperwork.

Moving to an Amsterdam server that claims to be "not DMCA compliant" doesn't mean they can't get struck by DMCA. It just means that the company disclaims any and all legal obligations regarding the content posted and it will be solely the content creator's responsibility. So all that means is that they'll get their DMCA even faster now because Mihoyo will not be legally obligated to send the paperwork to the hosting company before sending it to them.

By the way, DMCA laws are INTERNATIONAL. Just because you moved servers from the US to Amsterdam does not mean you suddenly do not have to follow DMCA laws. Also, Mihoyo does have a local EU branch to deal with such things in Europe.

[keira0615]

Probation Sucks

Am I the only person who thinks that some things that kids get put on probation for doesn't warrant it?

I got put on probation for missing school.

I will say, it was a lot of school, but I was depressed and in a really bad place, and I wanted to kill myself.

However, I was going to a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a doctor regularly.

I was taking my medicine and trying to fix things, but they didn't give me enough time, and I got taken to court, where I was put on probation for 2 YEARS!

2 years for missing school.

That's more than some kids get for selling drugs!

I would gladly repeat a year or 2 of school if I could take those 2 years to right myself. Hell, I was even in the process of getting my dog trained as a service dog.

Since I got put on probation, my officer has had an almost no tolerance policy for me, which I understand for some things, but not for having 1-2 bad days with depression.

She has been on top of me for everything and it has really been weighing on me.

Honestly, I'd say I'm in worse condition than when I actually got put on probation.

The amount of stress that I have from this is incredible. I've literally passed out from an anxiety attack caused by stress.

But, obviously, there's nothing wrong with the system. Of course not.

I can't even get a job, because, apparently, I 'lack responsibility.'

Fuck you. Lack responsibility my ass.

I'm willing to get a job at 16 to help my family with groceries, getting my sister's Christmas, and getting $10,000 for my service dog.

If that's lacking responsibility, then I don't know what responsible means.

I take responsibility for everything that I procrastinate for and anything else like that, so I don't see why I can't work to help my family.

If I were to put in a job application, the state would take me to court and take me from my family.

How fucked is that?

'You can't earn money! You're not responsible enough to do a job that you pick specifically for yourself!!!' Bullshit.

I've picked a nice place that would be fun and motivating for me, as I have issues with that. I made sure I would talk minimally to customers, due to my social anxiety, and I made sure that service dogs weren't a problem, for when I get mine trained, in the long run.

I'm willing to work at this job that I've picked for years.

I made fucking sure that it would work for me, no matter what. And, the manager understands my mental issues and has no issue giving me an extra day off or an extra break, for a small pay cut.

That's fine. If I need it, I'll take it, but if not, then at least I know it's there.

Sorry for the rant, I needed to get this out there, share a little of my story so people can see how fucked the system is.

I have a PayPal for my service dog fund, but you don't have to donate anything. Hell, people probably didn't read this all the way through, haha.

Please share this, at least.

https://paypal.me/pools/c/8mHMVMKTQK

(A picture of my SDIT and little sister!)

(Also, don't feel weird about messaging me about this post. I'd actually welcome it! 🙂)

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Burned Part 20

Summary:  Alfie Solomons is in need of a secretary. Tommy Shelby mentions a young woman in need of employment. From there the two step into a dangerous dance together.

Part 20: Good news is met with the bad. Aberama Gold is informed. 

         Louise sat outside the door into the doctor’s office. She waited patiently for him to finish up with speaking to Alfie after the examination. She was undoubtedly anxious as she waited but at least he was seeking help.

           Finally, after about half an hour, Alfie came out. He stopped in front of his wife for a moment. His eyes searched her face as he summoned the courage to speak.

           “I’m sorry.” He muttered before passing by her and leaving the office.

           Confused, Louise looked to the doctor who was standing in the doorway. Her stomach twisted up and she felt sick. There was a large part of her that was in denial. Of course, she’d been worried about the possibility of cancer, but she thought it was just an overreaction. She wanted so desperately to be wrong. But judging by Alfie’s reaction and the look on the doctor’s face, she had been right all along.

           “Why don’t you come in, Mrs. Solomons.” He let her into his office.

           She came and sat across the desk from him.

           The man, Doctor Cecil Stephens, was a kind man with much compassion for his patients. He was well known in the Camden community for being one of the best doctors in the area. He’d been in practice for quite some time but had yet to formally see Alfie Solomons as a patient.

           Of course, he knew the gangster, it was hard not to when his practice was in the Jewish man’s domain. He’d treated many of Alfie’s men, people who came in beaten an inch of their life, ones with bullets lodged in them, or a missing body part such as an eye or finger. With this pattern, Cecil naturally assumed that he would come across Alfie one day. And most likely it would be under violent circumstances.    Instead, the man arrived that morning with his wife by his side. He looked grumpy, but it was merely a ploy to hide his worry. Once behind doors, Alfie explained the issue and showed him the abrasions that were starting to form on his skin. The man was uncharacteristically quiet and sat stiffly through the diagnosis.

           Cecil had seen many reactions in his time as a doctor. It was difficult to predict someone’s response to a terrible fate. If anyone were to react violently, he assumed it would be a man with such a reputation as Alfie Solomons. So it was a surprise to see Alfie merely walk off, leaving his wife.

           “Mrs. Solomons, I’ve examined your husband and spoke to him.” Cecil sat down and looked through the notes he’d taken. “I’m afraid he’s developed a form of skin cancer.”

           Louise sucked in a sharp breath and felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “I…I don’t understand. How?”

           “Well, there is still a lot of research being done on cancer. Unfortunately, it’s in the early stages. However, I’ve seen many men like your husband, veterans who were affected by the gases used in battle.” He explained with the same gentle tone he used for all his patients and their family members.

           “Y-you can do something for him, right?” Her voice was small and she clutched helplessly to her handkerchief.

           “There are therapies that are still being developed but we aren’t sure the long term effects. Radiation has been proposed in recent years, but it’s unknown if it helps.” He was sympathetic to the woman. Alfie had told him they were just wed in the summer and they’d only just found out she was expecting. A cancer diagnosis certainly wasn’t expected or desired.

           “That…that’s simply not good enough.” Louise stammered. Her heart began to race. She would not lose her husband. She refused to bury him so soon. “There must be something you can do.” Her voice rose and her breathing became shallow. The office closed in on her and she panicked. No, it had to be a nightmare. She would wake up and learn it was nothing more than a treatable condition.

           “I’ll try everything I can to try and ease his pain, but it’s unlikely it’ll be treated completely.” Cecil kept a calm demeanor.

           Louise suddenly stood, nearly kicking her chair back from the sharp movement. “You’re a fucking doctor, you’re supposed to be able to help him!” She shouted. “I’m not going to let my husband die!”

           Not half a second after her outburst, Louise felt strong hands leading her out of the doctor’s office. “That’s enough, Lou,” Alfie said firmly.

           “No! He can’t just not have answers!” She fought against her husband’s hold but he was still much stronger than her.

          “No use in yelling, yeah? C’mon.” He muttered a quiet apology to Doctor Stephens before escorting her outside to the car.

           Once he got her in the backseat, Louise burst into hysterical tears. “He’s lying. That’s not what it is. We’ll find another doctor. Someone who’ll know better.” She rambled through her tears.

           Alfie embraced her close. “Sh, sh, s’alright, love.” He wasn’t going to argue with her when she was in such an irrational state. “Try to breathe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Louise spent most of the afternoon in a huff and crying off and on. Alfie stayed home with her, leaving a list for Ollie to finish at the bakery. For most of the time, he sat quietly while Louise kicked up a fuss. She ranted about, pacing through the parlor with Cyril at her heel. The next moment she was curled up in Alfie’s lap sobbing.

           He did his best to comfort her but his mind had gone to a dark place. He thought about getting his affairs in order. Editing his will to include his son or daughter. Louise would need help if he died. He couldn’t leave her with nothing, especially with a child. He figured he could divide up his estate, leaving most of it to Louise, some to Ollie and his family, and the rest to the several Jewish charities he donated to. That would give him more peace at night.

           Yet, money couldn’t heal her wounds if he were to pass. He wanted to berate himself for letting her get so attached. If she didn’t have him, then it wouldn’t hurt as much when he died. He assumed for a long time that when he died, the majority of those who knew him would be happy. Mean ‘ol Alfie Solomons would never again bother them. He didn’t anticipate having a devoted wife and child.

           Now he was anxious for their well being when he was gone. Would his enemies take advantage of her? Could he guarantee her safety if he wasn’t there protecting her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Ollie arrived at the Solomons’ home late that night. He came in with a list of the things he’d completed and any messages he’d gotten that day.

           Louise had exhausted herself and passed out in bed even before dinner. Alfie was glad she could finally get some peace after the difficult day.

           He greeted his assistant at the door.

           “How’s Louise?” Ollie asked. “Did she go to the doctor yet?”

           Alfie grunted and nodded as he flipped through the telegrams. He didn’t want to tell anyone about his cancer. The last thing he needed was for his enemies to think he was weak and easy to overthrow. “She’s asleep.”

           “Well, Shayna offered a few things for the baby.” The young man said. “If you’d like, I can bring them soon.”

           Alfie’s heart wrenched. “Yeah, mate, thanks.” He mumbled.

           It was clear to anyone, especially Ollie who had spent so many years as his right-hand man, that something was seriously wrong. “Sir, are you alright?”

           The gangster stared blankly at the words in his hand. He wasn’t really registering the typed words. All he could read was Shelby Company Ltd. But his mind was too overwhelmed to really understand the meaning of the words. “Ollie…” He glanced up from the telegram. “If anything were to happen to me, would you make sure Lou is kept safe?”

           His assistant furrowed his brow. “Sir?”

           “Just hypothetically.”

           “Well, ‘course.” Ollie shrugged. “She’s like family now.”  

           “Yeah…”

           The two men stood by the front door in silence. The only sound came from the grandfather clock in the hall and Evelyn preparing a light dinner for Alfie.

           “Sir, are you expecting something to happen?” Ollie asked cautiously.

           Alfie frowned. “’Course not.” He retorted. “But it ain’t like I’m a fucking saint, am I, Ollie?”

           It only made the man further confused. His boss never worried about his occupation killing him. He was confident enough to assume he’d always get away or was brave enough to accept death. Ollie figured perhaps his mindset had been altered by the news of the pregnancy.

           Alfie exhaled sharply and shook the fog out of his head. He was still alive. Wasn’t dead yet. He still needed to work. “What the fuck does Tommy want now?” He demanded.

           “Asking about Goliath. He said he heard he was a boxer.” Ollie explained the telegram in his boss’s hand. “Says he wants to set up a match.”

           “Really? While he’s got Changretta on his tail? Fucking crazy gypsy.” He grumbled. “Wants to make a spectacle of it all, well, fine. Give me nephew a ring tomorrow morning then Tommy. We’ll brave the beast and go to Small Heath.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Goliath had arrived early the next morning. Alfie filled him in by the door and they were about ready to leave for Small Heath.

           “Alfie?” Louise had panicked when she woke up to an empty bed. She went to the top of the stairs, clutching her dressing gown shut.

           Goliath had never seen such a shift in his uncle’s gruff demeanor before. He’d seen Alfie interact with Louise during holidays. That’s where the two had met for the first time. But there was something about the two being in their own home in the early morning that caused a change. It was a brief glimpse into the intimate relationship they upheld when no one else was around.

           “Yeah, love.” Alfie traveled halfway up the stairs to meet her. “You alright?” He murmured.

           She nodded. “Where are you going?” Her voice was hoarse from crying the day before and her eyes were still red.

           “Birmingham, have to see Tommy.” He explained with full clarity. After the cancer diagnosis, he felt like he owed her at least some honesty.

           “Can I come?” She chewed on her lower lip and touched his arm.

           Alfie weighed the risks. No doubt Luca Changretta was watching Tommy’s every move. He didn’t want the Italian to know about Louise, but he’d be a fool to think the man didn’t already know. Alfie also knew it would be a suicide mission if Luca tried to make an attack in Tommy’s own backyard. If anything, she might be safer there with both his men and the Blinders surrounding them.

           “Alright, love.” He nodded. “Go get dressed, take your time.” He descended the stairs again when Louise returned to the bedroom.

           Goliath gave Ishmael a side-glance. The young man just shrugged and nodded. He’d seen the effect Louise had on his boss since day one. The adoration of a woman was a powerful thing, indeed.

           Speaking of a woman's affection, Evelyn came out of the kitchen. She smiled and fixed Ishmael’s collar. “You be careful.” She warned. “No fighting.”

           The man sported a goofy smile. “Me? Don’t know what you’re on about Lyn.” He replied.

           She raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “Cheeky.” She gave him a smirk and left the men by the door.        

           Ishmael cleared his throat and had a hard time concealing how happy he looked. Goliath looked utterly perplexed. Was there something in the water?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Louise was quiet during the car ride to Birmingham. It was like she was trying to ignore the day before. Maybe if she didn’t bring it up, it wouldn’t be true and it would just fade away.

           Alfie could sense all the types of denial his wife was experiencing. And it pained him to know he couldn’t ease her burden. All he could do was hold her hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Small Heath was just as gray and gloomy as Louise remembered. Alfie looked displeased as he got out of the car.

           “Come to Small Heath, you’ll go to hell for fucking breathing.” He muttered as he helped his wife out of the car.

           “It’s quiet.” She noted. In fact, it was completely deserted, not a soul walking around. It left a strange feeling in the air and she felt like they were being watched.

           “Stretch your legs, treacle,” Alfie said to his nephew. “Fuck me, looks like he’s grown. He’s like a mushroom, innit he, grows in the dark.”

           Louise smiled and lingered near Alfie. She couldn’t shake the strange feeling that the empty street gave off.

           “Where is everyone?” Alfie checked his pocket watch. “Ishmael, please, will you hit the call to prayer?”

           “Did you tell Tommy a time?” Louise asked but was interrupted by the car horn.

           “Mhm, loosely.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Well, hit it!” He ordered his driver again. The car horn echoed through the street a little longer. Alfie rolled his eyes. “Yes, thank you.” He pushed past Ishmael and laid on the horn.

           Louise sighed and stood by the hood of the car, listening to the unrelenting noise. A moment later, Tommy came out of one of the homes on the street. He nodded at Louise and she gave him a silent apology for the antics so early in the morning.

           Alfie didn’t quit until Tommy was stood right in front of him. “Morning Alfie.” The Blinder greeted.

           “Yeah, it is, so how come everybody’s in fucking bed?”

           “This must be Goliath.” Tommy acknowledged the young man taking a piss on the sidewalk. “Let me introduce you to David.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           “I hear you’re probably more in need of the old rum at the moment, rather than gin, mate.” Alfie led Louise by the arm as they were brought down into the cellar that had been converted into a distillery. There was a fierce chill in the air and Alfie slipped off his scarf to wrap it around his wife. He stopped when he heard a flutter of wings and warbling coming from above them. “Oh dear, you’ve got fucking starlings, mate. That shit will rot your pipework.” Alfie reached into his coat to draw his gun. “These bastards only understand one language.”

           “Alfie!” Louise grabbed his wrist to stop him from loading the gun. She knew he was armed but only because Tommy probably expected him to be. Even she had brought her gun. It wasn’t a time to walk around unarmed.

           “S’alright Alfie, I’m getting a kestrel,” Tommy explained.

           “I hear that you’ve got Italians, mate, you’ve got a kestrel for them?” Alfie inquired deadpan.

           The two men continued talking as Louise lingered around the small distillery. She glanced up to the ceiling and saw the starlings that Alfie had spotted. One of them stared back at her, cocking its head. She followed it as the bird hopped across a pipe towards a small nook in the corner. A bundle of debris had been constructed into a nest and when the mother approached, four little heads popped out. They chirped, their mouths open wide to receive food. The mother perched at the nest, checking over her chicks.

           Louise’s gut wrenched. What would happen if Tommy got a kestrel? Would the bird of prey eat the mother and the babies, or would it just rid of the mother leaving the chicks to starve to death? Where was the father? Would he arrive just to find his family all gone? Could animals feel the same heartbreak that they did?

           “And you just cannot wash it out, right, ‘cause it come out your mother’s tits.”

           Louise glanced over, completely baffled by the snippet she’d heard of their conversation. She left the birds and walked over to the two men.

           “No, the Americans’ll want it sweeter.” Alfie set down a glass of gin.

           “Do you drink, Louise?” Tommy offered a glass to her.

           “No thank you, I’ve been feeling under the weather.” She explained knowing the alcohol would only make her feel worse.

           “I heard a copper got shot,” Alfie spoke, unafraid to talk about such issues in front of Louise. He knew she’d find out eventually. “Who shot him?”

           “My kestrel.” Tommy offered a seat to Louise by the table.

           “How many are here?”

           “Eleven.”

           Louise shot her husband a look of uneasiness. Eleven men were more than enough. And they had yet to visit them in Camden. As far as she was concerned, it was only a matter of time until that day.

           “Enough to drop a man who wrapped his balls in an OBE till they fell off,” Alfie said with a smug look.

           Louise just shook her head, knowing it wasn’t worth the effort to try and get him to be a bit politer.

           “Well, the real question is, Alfie, which side are you playing for, aye?” Tommy was almost glad Louise was there with them. He had a feeling her husband wouldn’t lie about loyalty right in front of her.

           “Fucking hell.” Alfie chuckled darkly, the brim of his hat casting a shadow over his eyes. “What kind of world is it to bring up children when your own mate can ask you that question?”

           Louise glanced down at her hands on her lap. Indeed, what kind of world was it?

           “But the truth is, Tommy, you’ll be fucking dead soon.”

           “Alfie.” She gave him a sharp look. “Don’t say that.”

           “S’alright, Louise,” Tommy assured her. “We’ve all got our opinions, don’t we Alfie?”

           “Tommy, there are men approaching.” Finn came down into the cellar.

           “Yeah, let them pass.” His brother waved them in. “Right,” he turned back to Alfie. “You tell Darby Sabini, from me, that if the Italians win, they’re not planning on leaving. After me, it’ll be him, then you, then the Titanic. They’re coming and they’re here to stay.”

           Alfie’s eyes were cold on his counterpart. His jaw clenched and Louise could see his thoughts running rampant. But he couldn’t get another word in before another group of men came downstairs.

           “Mr. Shelby, we’ve come to talk about the fight.”

           Alfie raised an eyebrow and pointed his cane at the man. “Your kestrel? Tommy, when a pikey walks in with hair like that, you have to ask yourself, have I made a mistake?”

           “Who the fuck are you?”

           “Who the fuck am I?”

           “Who the fuck is this?”

           Louise pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh dear.” She whispered. Tommy, however, looked amused at the ensuing battle.

           “I, my friend, am the uncle, protector, and promoter of that fucking thing right there.” He jabbed his cane towards his nephew who was lurking in the background like a misplaced tree. “In whose shadow nothing good nor godly will ever grow. That there, right, is the Southern County’s welterweight champion.”

           “Alfie…” His wife tried to step in but he was already too far gone to stop.

           “He is of mixed religion, therefore he is godless. He was adopted by Satan himself before he was returned out of fear of his awkwardness.”

           “Alfie.”

           “He is impossible to marry off, due to his lethal dimensions. His mother. Terrified, she’s fucking abandoned him. And there he is, stood before you like the first of some brand new fucking species!”

           “Alfie, that’s quite enough.” Louise implored him again to stop. “They get it.”

           “And that, mate, is me wife. She’s the exact fucking opposite, ain’t she? Fucking angel. The world ain’t never seen such a gorgeous creature and the fuck if I know why God let me in her presence. Yet here I am, accompanied by a fucking demon and an angel and you’ve got the absolute fucking nerve to ask me who the fuck I am?”

           Louise couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Endearing yet chaotic.

           “So, will you offer your son?” Alfie inquired, ending his little rant.

           Aberama glanced over at his son with a sly nod. Bonnie smiled and stood up straight. “Name the day, Mr. Shelby.”

           Louise looked back and forth between the size differences of the two young men. She stood and felt a wave of nausea. Her face paled and she looked up at the ceiling when she heard the starlings grow a little louder.

           Big fucks small.

           Blood pounded in her ears and the scent of gin began to make her dizzy.

           “Whoa, whoa!” She heard Alfie exclaim as she stumbled forward, the world going black.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla​ @giftofdreams​

Tag List: @vehement-care​ @kimmietea​ @eleventhdoctorsangel​ @fire-treasure-iii​ 

Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[todaviia]

"Schwaben" & "alps" somehow doesn't compute. I realize there's Bavarian Swabia, but are those people concerned by "Schwabenhass"? Weren't that the Stuttgarters? Oh the complexity! I've to admit, though, as a fan of a not-so-successful German club, I, too, get a little weary of the Union "Kultklub-Gedoens". They're all Kultklubs, dammit! Journalists seem conditioned to invoke the word "Kult!" wrt Union. Werder is a Kultklub. So is Dynamo, so is Bochum. FCN is actually Der Club. (RB's not a club).

(oh okay, he wasn't targeted by the Schwabenhass. Should have read it first. FWIW, I've made some great personal experiences with Union fans and more bad than good ones with Hertha fans, but the annoyance about the general fuss remains a bit... Like with the mia san mia Gedoens. The others are themselves as well, aren't they? (Gedoens is such a great word!))

Oh congratulations, you’ve unlocked 1 free rant

1. I’m SOOOOO annoyed but the whole “Kultig” thing too. That said, I’ve literally NEVER heard it from any Union fan. It’s something fans of other clubs use when they talk abt us. And like I get that we’re sometimes self-righteous. It’s a thing when being a football fan. If you don’t think your club is the best, why are you a fan??

But the thing that really irks me about it and makes me go pissy is that it’s usually in relation to things that... we only did bc the alternative was bankruptcy. Like the blood donation thing and the stadium building thing are a) objectively cool af and b) done because we were broke. Like every other East German team - and when I say East German I specifically don’t mean Austrian dependences.

And so its like... it was insanely hard for us to go up to first league. We were the first East German team to manage that in over a decade. We did it without getting a sponsorship from a Sheikh or China or Russia or Qatar (like a lot of the clubs whose fans now are like “ugh they’re kultig, how annoying”). Instead we did it as a club where part of the self-understanding is that the club is OURS, which means fans feel comfortable doing stuff like... groups of people breaking into the stadium for a spontaneous singing session on Christmas. Which is where the Weihnachtssingen comes from - that then has been copied by a lot of other clubs (who are less kultig bc for them it’s then been organised by a marketing agency and it wasnt technically breaking and entering)

and I knoooooooooow we’re not perfect. We’re still participating in the capitalist corruption world of Pro football. But we’re also the club with the 2nd lowest market value in the Bundesliga (and the next higher club has 50% more than we have). We’re playing with a special permit for our stadium (that we only got bc we presented contracts showing we will upgrade it) bc it doesn’t have a sufficient amount of VIP lounges and seats - our capacity is fine, but we don’t have enough seats bc seats are usually more expensive both as tickets and to build and we’re a poor club with a mostly poor fanbase.

soo like its a bit hypocritical when clubs that are like “oh we’re so pro fan culture” mock a club for having fan culture only bc that club... happens to be from an economically disadvantaged area and therefore it’s cringy and self-righteous. 

But yes, ideally they’re all Kultclubs!!!!

2. I mean I would absolutely target him with Schwabenhass tbh. By now “Schwabe” is just stand-in for “gentrifying Wessi.” If you ask East Berliners, the vast amount do not have more than a slight notion where Schwaben is and what it consists of, anyway, after all this is deep Wessi Hinterland.

So even if his particular village is located in some other meaningless backwater, it does not change the fact that he’s a Schwabe, because he wrote a text like that.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

1- Hi Ralph I’m sorry but I need to rant because I’m fucking pissed. I just saw Harry’s pictures and omg... What are they even thinking? I can’t believe that he’s preaching that people should stay at home while he’s probably in a mansion in LA and then decides that doing a pap walk the next day is a good idea?? Spare me the bullshit of “oh my it’s so hard to stay at home and be alone and not be able to be with the people you love...”

2- and then go out the same day on a stupid pap walk with Kendall Jenner as if hundreds of people if not thousands are not dying? I’m writing from Spain, where we are going to start our fourth week of quarantine, our president said that it would go until the 26th of April and we can’t go out once a day. If we could it would be walking around your neighbourhood for 30 mins max. And not taking your motorbike and going for a ride and hanging out with friends on a car to get papped.

3- Because I don’t believe that a pap just stood there and suddenly Kendall Jenner’s car and Harry happened to hang out right in front of them. And what pisses me off even more is the moral superiority with which celebrities act.. like donating to a food bank or to however many charities you want to makes up for being an asshole during a time like this. He makes vague statements about causes and never sticks to one.. like find one and stand behind your words don’t make empty statements.

4- And don’t get me started with TPWK... Just yesterday he said in an interview that for him kindness means being considerate okay so is he being considerate getting papped out with essential workers? immunocompromised people? with people with pre-existing conditions? with old people? with nurses, doctors... Basically the people who are ensuring that you can stay AT HOME? If you love the NHS so bad listen to what they say, show it and don’t put anyone at risk..

5- Also, I think people should hold him accountable of what he's doing and not just blame Jeff. He’s got such a big platform to promote change but is instead being selfish and not “kind” at all. Well I hate kindness and the rich... Right now specially the rich who try to shove kindness down our throats and then display their privilege for everyone to see. Sorry this got too long haha. Just annoyed and wondering why I follow this band.

**********

I’m so sorry for everything you are dealing with anon.  It must be so hard to be going into your fourth week of lockdown - let alone everything else.  Love and solidarity.

The stuff with Harry is very weird, particularly the Daily Mail not labelling him and therefore presumably the multiple photographers who were there not knowing what they had.  I think the most plausible theory is that Kendall was doing a prearranged pap shoot (which it has to be because of the two different angles).  And Harry ran into her after going on a motorbike to pick up his one loaf of bread.  That is quite a hilarious thing to have happened - so I like it as a theory.  But it’s still pretty implausible - particularly that he ran into her exactly where the paps were - and the second picture with them both there.  We’ll put it down as one of those mysteries.

If you’re feeling angry at Harry then I say rage away! What are celebrities for if not outlets for feelings at these times.  I also don’t think it’s a bad thing if people are less ‘we stan a rich king’ and more ‘you know what’s great? Redistribution of wealth.’

I just have a couple more things to say.  The first is I totally agree that blaming Jeff for any of this is absurd.  Jeff doesn’t have powers to make Harry ride a motorbike, with his loaf of bread.  But as I’ve said lots of times I don’t think you can hold Harry accountable, and it’s not appropriate to try.  You can dislike what Harry does, you can express your opinion, both about him and to him and you can leave, but there is no mechanism of accountability for total strangers.  Even in a pandemic I’m going to resist the idea that celebrities can or should be accountable to their fans. 

Finally, I feel like I’m not helping anyone else or myself by posting 1D related Coronavirus content.  It ends up being a weird, indirect way of processing my rage at the world (and at the moment Keir Starmer, which has upped my general rage levels a lot).  I’ve really appreciated hearing people experiences and feelings and views, but I’ll probably publish way less from now on (although I can still answer if people send me off anon).  From now on I’m going to only post Coronavirus 1D related content on two conditions: I like what they’re doing or it’s really funny.  So yes for tweets about warehouses and probably all pap pics,  but particularly those involving loafs of bread, as well as quarantining headcanons (particularly if they involve rather obscure side characters - I will always be here for Oli theories), and  no to anything where they tell people in general what to do.

[bechloeislegit]

A to Z BeChloe

L is for LYING

Prompt: Beca's family is rich but she does not want the Bellas to know. They find out and are upset at first because she lied to them.

"I can't believe an anonymous donor gave us a bus," Aubrey said excitedly. "It would have taken us months to even come up with the down payment."

"It's a miracle," Chloe added. "Now we can we put our efforts into getting money for our hotel expenses when we're on the road."

The rest of the Bellas were in awe as they checked out the shuttle-type bus that was parked in front of the Auditorium.

"Look," Jessica said. "It has the Bellas 'B' on the hood."

"So, this thing just showed up here?," Beca asked checking out the bus.

"Yep," Chloe said. "Aubrey and I were getting the Auditorium set up when this guy comes in asking for us."

"He told us he had a delivery but it was too big to bring in and we would have to come out here to get it," Aubrey continued.

"Brey and I came out and were floored when we saw the bus," Chloe said. "He handed us the title, the keys, and a card."

"The card just explained that our benefactor heard we needed a bus and wanted to help us out," Aubrey said.

"That's it?," Beca asked sounding skeptical. "We don't have to do anything to keep it?"

"We have to maintain it, of course," Chloe said. "Pay for gas. Get insurance. Keep up proper maintenance. That sort of thing."

"Can we go for a ride?," Ashley asked excitedly.

"We can after practice," Aubrey said. "We'll drive everyone back to their dorms."

"Cool," Ashley said and the rest of the girls agreed.

~lLl~ ~lLl~ ~lLl~

After practice, the Bellas went out to the bus to be taken back to their dorms. Chloe was by the door and turned to see if Beca was joining them. She saw Beca on her phone and called out to her.

"Hey, Becs? You coming?"

Beca said something into the phone and looked at Chloe. "I'm going to walk. I'm talking to my mom about some family stuff."

"Oh, okay," Chloe said. "Want to meet at the diner for dinner later?"

"Sure," Beca said. "Six o'clock?"

Chloe nodded and got on the bus. She sat in a window seat and couldn't help but be slightly disappointed that Beca wasn't sitting next to her. She glanced out the window and saw Beca talking animatedly. Beca looked up and gave her a small smile as they drove off.

"Mom, you're not listening to me," Beca said into the phone. "I can't just pick up and leave for days at a time without any explanation."

"This is important, Rebecca." Beca cringed every time her mother used her given name. "Your grandparents were admired and loved by everyone in the community. This banquet is to honor them and as the only family left, we must represent them."

"Why can't you just do it?"

"Come on, Rebecca. You enjoy the spoils of their hard work, the least you could do is show up to honor them once in a while. And, they want us both to give a speech."

Beca sighed. "Fine. Can you have the jet pick me up late on Friday? Not before eight. I have practice from 3:00 to 6:00 and I'll need time to get to the airport. And I need to be back here early on Sunday for a mandatory Bellas brunch."

"I'll text you the details once everything is confirmed."

"Fine," Beca said. "I'll see you Friday night."

"I'll see you on Friday," Beca's mom said. "Oh, and Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Beca chuckled and smiled. "I love you, too."

Beca hung up and ran a hand through her hair. "I hate making speeches." She let out a heavy sigh and walked to her dorm.

~lLl~ ~lLl~ ~lLl~

Beca sat nervously waiting for Chloe at the diner. She smiled when she saw Chloe walk in. Beca thought that Chloe was one of the prettiest girls she's ever seen and had quite the crush on her. She had also become fast friends in no time at all.

Beca watched as Chloe made her way over to the booth.

"Hey," Chloe said and she hugged Beca. "Sorry, I'm late. Brey was being Brey and I had to sit through an hour of her ranting about how bad practice went."

"I didn't think it was so bad," Beca said.

"It wasn't," Chloe said. "She just needed something to rant about because of her anxiety over her classes. She got a B on a paper and her dad's been riding her to 'do better.' The girl gets As in everything and he's giving her a hard time over one B on one paper."

"That's tough," Beca said and chewed her lip nervously.

"What's up with you? Why do you look so nervous?"

"I don't want to add to Aubrey's anxiety, but I need to miss practice on Saturday," Beca said. "It's a family thing and I have to fly home to New York for the weekend."

"I'm sure that will be fine," Chloe said. "Do you want me to tell her?"

"No," Beca said. "I'll tell her at practice tomorrow. Hopefully, she'll be okay with it. I made sure that I will only miss Saturday's practice. I'll be back in time for the brunch on Sunday."

"I'm glad," Chloe said with a bright smile. "I would miss you too much if you weren't there for that."

Beca blushed and was saved from having to respond by the waitress coming to take their orders.

~lLl~ ~lLl~ ~lLl~

Aubrey wasn't thrilled at the idea of Beca missing a Saturday practice. Chloe stepped in and explained how Beca hasn't missed any practices and it was a family obligation; something Aubrey should understand. After that, Aubrey reluctantly gave Beca the okay on the condition that she make it to the Sunday brunch.

Beca fulfilled her family obligation and was sitting on the family jet waiting to fly back to Atlanta. There was a storm over New York so their departure was delayed. Beca had texted Aubrey and Chloe to let them know that the weather caused a delay. Chloe didn't respond but Aubrey did. Beca furrowed her brow when she read the text.

APosen: Brunch was canceled. There is a mandatory Bellas meeting at my apartment. Come straight here.

Beca got a car and made it to Aubrey and Chloe's apartment around Noon. She knocked. Chloe answered the door and left it open for Beca to enter while she walked over to sit next to Aubrey.

"Don't just stand there, Mitchell," Aubrey said. "Come in and have a seat."

Beca entered and closed the door. As she turned she saw all the girls looking at her.

"What's up?," Beca asked as she sat in the only available chair.

"Why don't you tell us, Beca Mitchell," Aubrey said emphasizing her name.

Beca furrowed her brow. She became anxious and fidgety.

"Or should we call you Rebeca Benchfield?," Aubrey asked her voice tight.

Beca's eyes widened and flew to look at Aubrey only to be met with a glare from the blonde Captain.

"That's not my name," Beca replied.

"Don't lie to us anymore, Beca," Fat Amy said. "We saw the video."

"What video?"

CR opened her laptop and set it on the coffee table so it was facing Beca. She hit play and Beca's speech that she made at the banquet for her grandparents the night before started playing.

"Fuck," Beca muttered and ran a hand through her hair.

"Care to explain?," Aubrey asked.

"Explain what?" Beca was starting to get angry.

"Explain why you've been lying to us for months now," Aubrey said.

"I haven't been lying," Beca said standing and looking around the room. She could feel a pain in her chest when Chloe wouldn't look at her. "I didn't lie to you." She said this softly as she continued to look at Chloe, wishing for her to look up at her.

Chloe had her eyes fixed to the floor.

Beca shook her head and could feel the tears stinging her eyes. "What difference does it make what my name is? I was born Rebeca Benchfield Mitchell. My mother and father always called me Beca. So, I did not lie about my name because it is Beca Mitchell."

"That's just semantics," Aubrey said.

Beca looked around the room and saw eight faces looking back at her. Each one seemingly angrier than the one before. Chloe still had not looked at her.

"Why are you so angry at me?"

"Because you lied to us," Aubrey said and stood to face Beca. "You've been lying to us."

"I. Did. Not. Lie," Beca said through clenched teeth.

"Again, it's semantics," Aubrey said. "Omitting the truth is the same as lying."

"The fact that I am part of the Benchfield family does not change who I am," Beca said. "I didn't tell you who I was for this very reason. Whenever people find out who I am, they change the way they treat me. I never knew who my real friends were. I guess I still don't."

Beca walked to the apartment door and was reaching for the door when Chloe finally spoke up.

"You're our anonymous donor," Chloe stated. "You're the reason we have the bus."

Beca looked back over her shoulder to see Chloe looking at her.

"It's called an anonymous donation for a reason," Beca said and walked out of the apartment and slammed the door behind her.

"Why is she mad at us?," Fat Amy asked. "She's the one who's been lying about who she really is."

"Has she?," Stacie asked. "Her name does not make her who she is. She has done nothing but show how much she cares about all of us." Stacie looked around at each of the girls. "Jessica, when you found out your dog died, who sat and held your hand while you cried? And, CR? Remember when you lost all of your dining points in that poker game? Who always seemed to have extra food to share?"

The girls looked down somewhat ashamed.

"And, Aubrey," Stacie said looking at the blonde. "How long would it have taken us to get a bus?" Aubrey looked at Stacie but did not respond. "She did all that without asking for anything in return. She did all that because she considers us her friends. Does it really matter who she's related to?"

"Stacie's right," Chloe said. "Beca has always shown herself to be Beca Mitchell, a sister Bella. The fact that she comes from money does not change who she is. We're supposed to be her friends. People she can count on to be there for her, just like she's been there for us. I think we owe her an apology for ambushing her and ganging up on her."

Chloe went to the door and grabbed her keys. "I'm going to go find her."

"I'll go with you," Stacie said.

The rest of the girls echoed the sentiment and stood to leave with them.

"We should organize how we search," Aubrey said getting everyone's attention. "Chloe, you know her best. Where do you think she would have gone?"

"I have an idea of where she might be, but I'll have to go alone," Chloe said. "The rest of you split up and check her dorm and the radio station. Those are the only other places she might go."

"Okay," Aubrey said. "If you find her, text everyone and we'll regroup back here."

Chloe left while the others formed two groups and went in search of Beca. Chloe hurried to what Beca called her secret place. She showed it to Chloe once and told her how she liked it there because she could go there and be alone to think.

Chloe cleared the last bush and spotted Beca sitting with her knees up and her arms wrapped loosely around them. She was staring across the lake giving no indication she had heard Chloe. Or so Chloe thought.

"I figured you'd find me," Beca said startling Chloe. Beca hadn't even looked up.

"Lucky guess," Chloe said as she made her way to Beca.

"Did you come to call me a liar some more?"

"No." Chloe sat next to Beca and put her head on Beca's shoulder. "I came to apologize. The rest of the girls are out looking for you so they can apologize, too."

"I was going to come back," Beca said. "I just needed a little time to myself."

Beca turned so she was now facing Chloe. She picked at the knee of her jeans. "I didn't have any real friends growing up. And the ones who I thought were my friends, only wanted to either have me spend my family's money on them or just wanted to brag that they were friends with a Benchfield. That's why I didn't tell any of you who my family was. If you were really my friends it wouldn't matter."

"I admit I was with the other girls in believing that you lied to us," Chloe said. When Beca looked as if she was going to say something, Chloe raised her head, stopping Beca from speaking. "But it didn't last long. You are Beca Mitchell and that's all I need to know. In all honesty, when Amy first showed us the video of your speech, we all jumped to the same conclusion. I'm just as guilty as the rest of them. I am so, so sorry for doubting you."

"I haven't lied to you, Chloe," Beca said. "About anything. I want you to know that."

"I know," Chloe said. She reached over and took Beca's hand and intertwined their fingers. She looked at Beca. "So, your family bought the Bellas a bus. Thank you for that."

"In all honesty," Beca said and looked away from Chloe for a moment. She looked back at Chloe and said, "I used my own money to buy the bus for the Bellas."

"You did? But, how?"

"I called my financial advisor and my lawyer and had them work it all out," Beca said. "I told them what I wanted and they had it painted with the Bellas logo on it and had it delivered. All I did was pay for it."

"You have a financial advisor and a lawyer. How rich are you?" Chloe chuckled to show Beca she wasn't expecting an answer.

Beca chuckled and said, "Very."

Beca looked down at the hand that Chloe was holding and gave her a small smile.

"My grandparents died when I was fifteen. They left me a trust fund that my mother was the executor of. It's for a lot of money. A LOT of money. The trust was set up so that I would receive the money in three stages and each stage had a condition I had to meet before I got any money. In the first stage, I would receive one-third of the trust when I turned eighteen, BUT I had to be enrolled in college in order to get it. I was floored when I checked my bank account the week after my birthday. I'm not gonna lie, the amount shocked me. For the second stage, I would receive half of the remainder when I turned twenty-one or graduated from college; whichever came later. It was my grandparents' way of making sure I actually went to college for the full four years. The last stage is that I would receive the remaining money when I turned thirty or had my first child. Whichever came first. And, again, in all honesty, I could live my entire life on just the interest alone on what I got when I turned eighteen. I also own like six or seven homes."

"Wow!" Chloe was stunned. "Sounds like your grandparents were pretty smart when it came to their money."

"Yeah," Beca said. "I honestly didn't want any parts of the money. My mom is their only child so the money should have gone to her. But, she told them she had her own wealth and suggested that since I was her sole heir that they should leave it to me. It was going to filter down to me anyway."

Beca and Chloe sat quietly for a few minutes, their hands still intertwined. Chloe cleared her throat.

"I was going to ask you to take a walk after brunch today," Chloe said. "There was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"It feels weird to say anything now," Chloe said, playing with Beca's fingers. "The timing is just shitty is all."

"Well, there was something I've been wanting to ask you," Beca said. "You're the first real friend I've had and I don't want to mess that up."

"Becs," Chloe said. "Nothing you can say will change our friendship. I can promise you that."

"You don't know what I was going to ask," Beca said.

"It doesn't matter," Chloe said emphatically. "Nothing will change our friendship. Nothing."

Before Beca could speak again, Chloe's phone pinged with a new text. She checked her phone.

"That was Stacie checking to see if I found you," Chloe said. "We're going to regroup back at the apartment. The girls do want to apologize to you. Will you come back with me?"

"Sure," Beca said and stood. She held out her hand to help Chloe up.

"Can we finish this later?," Chloe asked.

"Oh, um, yeah, sure," Beca said. "That will be fine."

Chloe took Beca's hand and held it all the way back to the apartment. When they walked in everyone looked at them. Beca shuffled her feet and looked down at the ground.

"I'm glad you're back, Beca," Aubrey said breaking the silence. "We all want to apologize for our behavior earlier. I am truly sorry for ambushing you over that video. I, we all, felt a bit betrayed because we thought you were lying to us."

"I don't know how many times I can say this," Beca said. "I didn't lie. My last name is Mitchell because that's my father's name. When my parents divorced my mother got sole custody of me. My grandparents wanted my mom to change my name to Benchfield but she refused. She knew from her own experience what having the Benchfield name was like."

"I'm sorry, Beca," Stacie said. "I never thought you were lying to us and I told them that."

"Stacie actually stood up for you after you left," Chloe said.

"So did Chloe," Stacie said.

"Look Miss Moneybags," Amy said. "I want to know why you didn't just tell us who your family was. Don't you trust us?"

"No," Beca said honestly. "Well, I didn't but I do now. That's why it hurt so much that you kept calling me a liar. Everyone treats me differently when they find out who I am and who my grandparents were. I wanted to know what it was like to have friends where I didn't have to wonder if they were my friends because of me or because of my money."

"You don't have to worry about us, Beca," Aubrey said with a smile. "The Bellas are a family. I promise not to treat you any differently than I have been."

"I, uh, might have an issue with that," Beca said and the girls laughed.

Chloe slapped her arm. "What? She's been riding my ass at every practice. I wouldn't mind if she treated me differently. I'm just sayin'."

"I'll try," Aubrey said with a small laugh. "But, I assure you the way I treat you won't have anything to do with how much money you have."

"How much money do you have?," Fat Amy asked.

"AMY!" Several voices called out.

"You don't just ask someone that," CR said.

"Why not?," Fat Amy said. "I want to know."

"It's okay, guys," Beca said. "You could probably google it and find out. Because of my grandparents, my personal worth is in the, uh, billions of dollars."

"BILLIONS!" Jessica squeaked out and sat with her mouth hanging open.

"With a B?," Ashley asked.

"Um, yeah," Beca said. "They also left me several homes around the world. I told my mom she could have whichever ones she wanted and to sell all but the ones in New York and L.A. I'll never use the others. Oh, and we have a family jet. Well, technically it belongs to me but my mother uses it more often than I do."

The entire room stared at Beca. Not a peep from any of them.

"Um, do you have any questions?"

"Can you adopt me?" This of, course, coming from Amy.

Beca laughed and said, "I feel like I already have."

"Beca," Chloe said. "Thanks for telling us everything. And, I'm sorry we ambushed you earlier."

"Yeah, Beca," CR said. "We're really sorry about that."

"Yeah," Jessica said and then laughed. "We didn't even bring up Amy's theory on why you wouldn't tell us who you were."

"I almost forgot about that," Ashley said. "She thought you were in the witness protection program."

"What?" Beca looked at Amy and shook her head. "Why would you think that? I gave a speech that was covered by the press. That would be a stupid thing to do if I was supposed to be hiding out."

"Don't worry, Beca," Denise said. "None of us believed it."

"Why not?," Fat Amy said. "It makes perfect sense to me"

"Can we be done with me?," Beca asked. "And can you all promise that you won't tell anyone about my family? I just want to be Beca Mitchell, a member of the Barden Bellas, and forget about everything else."

"We can do that," Aubrey said and everyone nodded in agreement. "Let's call it a day, shall we?"

The girls nod their heads and get up to leave. Chloe grabs Beca's arm as she turns to go.

"Can you stay for a bit, Becs?"

"Sure."

The girls leave and Aubrey excuses herself to go to her room. Beca and Chloe sit on the sofa and face each other.

"So, you said you had something to ask me," Chloe said with a smile.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Beca said and blushed. "I was wondering if, maybe, you would want to go out. With me. Sometime?"

"Are you asking me on a date?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd love to go out. With you. Sometime," Chloe said and smiled. "On a date."

"Really?," Beca asked. "I mean, great. Um, are you free Saturday?"

"I'm free," Chloe said.

"Then it's a date," Beca said with a big smile.

Chloe pulled her into a hug. Beca wrapped her arms around Chloe and held her close for a minute or so. Beca was the first to pull back from the hug. Their faces were very close and Beca smiled at Chloe.

"Have you eaten?"

"No," Chloe said. "We canceled the brunch and then we had the meeting."

"Would you want to get a late lunch with me?"

"I would," Chloe said. "But, I promised Brey we'd get something after we were done with the Bellas meeting."

"She can come, too," Beca said. "This isn't a date. I'm saving our first for Saturday where I can sweep you off your feet."

"I think you already have," Chloe said and leaned in and kissed Beca.

[punkpal]

Okay i’m sorry for this rant but i am struggling and i’m running out of hope so some of y’all better donate some of yours before i combust...

Read at your own discretion.

And please if you have any lived experience of complete fucking hopelessness along with bipolar disorder (because that specific diagnosis in my rather long list of conditions is really new to me) i am not coping and could do with some advise, so please do share if you have any, it would be really helpful.

Okay so i call bullshit.

I spent 3 months in a manic episode as a result of a setting change in my brain implant (the one i got to reduce the symptoms of my ocd which obviously as per my chronic bad luck not only didn’t work or help in the slightest but also gave me bipolar)...

Then upon getting tired of waiting for the mania to disappear i changed settings after finally getting permission from my surgeon who finally had also given up hope that the mania would subside and the setting start to work to help rather then hinder.

Only for the new setting to send me on the opposite side of the spectrum and make me suicidal (luckily only for 2 weeks as i was getting ever increasingly more unsafe even whilst inpatient in a psych ward, so a change of settings was allowed quicker for my own safety). But boy did that feel like a lifetime when every waking moment of those 2 weeks felt like i was drowning.

And just because after 10 months of constant setting changers (almost all of which options i have tried) i was getting tired of getting my hopes up with a new setting change, only for it to make things worse; i went back to a really low setting as per my doctors suggestion and i thought that would be a good choice.

That setting i changed back to, i had been on before and while it didn’t help it didn’t make me worse so until i can be fucked trying new settings with the chance it would send me over the brink i opted for a safe setting that in the past has done fuck all which i am willing to deal with if it means i don’t risk getting worse.

BUT

Noooo. No rest for the wicked, my bloody fucking manias back and while i new that was a possibility as the mania was caused by a specific setting and would likely only be present on that setting. It was mentioned that there was a possibility that the mania would stay because basically of an accidental fuck up caused by that old setting that is now causing that side effect to continue even when on a otherwise reasonably safe setting.

So long story short the mania is irreversible and likely will come in and out of my life on and off indiscriminately as well as the other half of the bipolar diagnosis (i know officially have, yay) being increased long periods of suicidal ideation and i am BIB MAD.

I got this surgery to help the main out of 7 mental illnesses (ocd) and satan or karma or god or whoever the fuck dished me out a entirely new diagnosis instead of fix the one i wanted benefited.

PLUS i scored a brain infection thats the first of its kind (that my state has ever seen) as a result of this surgery despite this surgery being common - mostly used for Parkinsons. And to this day i am still facing shitty physical health as a result of this, even having to have 2 surgeries 2 weeks ago to fix damage that infection caused by that ‘life saving, mental illness curing, miracle brain surgery’.

Honestly will my bad luck ever come to an end?

Theres only so much i can take.

And worse is i fear this mania will come to an end only to segway into a episode of prolonged suicidal ideation (and even intent) like what happened last time. Because i can’t deal with that again, not on top of all the other issues my still really really really fucking bad ocd is causing me.

I don’t get why all of this is happening to me.

What did i do to deserve all of of this misfortune?

Am i getting punished for crimes my soul committed in a previous life?

Does god exist and he’s a little bitch who has it out for me and goes out of his way to make my life miserable?

Am i actually dead and living in hell paying my debt to the devil in the form long term suffering and hopelessness?

Or am i cursed? Is that it?

Whatever the reason i have had enough.

Also honest observation insert: Apparently when i started venting my manic fueled frustrations in this post my mood was still heightened but if noticeable in the sharp change of pace in this post the mania has officially began to leave the building now (which i guess was what i was asking for) but as is tradition the end of this mania (thats luckily only been going on a few days) has plunged me balls deep into the depressive part of my bipolar and man is the desire to die starting to look more and more appealing.

I won’t do anything don’t worry!

I mean i guess now i have scored the start of a break from what was only a small manic episode but exhausting nonetheless. So i can finally get a good nights sleep, because the mania was defiantly cock blocking me from achieving shut eye until tonight. So i’ll use this opportunity to catch up on a week of lost sleep (plus sleep is like a vacation from life, a short visit into destination ‘dead’) so experiencing the complete lack of being consciousness through sleep will be a nice little visit into what i crave (death) without the huge commitment that comes with death and the sadness it causes others.

Any way this last week or so of mania has not been fun but as i crash into the opposite end of that bipolar scale i am realizing how much more preferable that mania was as apposed to my current quickly declining mood. And upon reflection take back all the smack i talked about mania only because now i want to go back in time to that manic period rather be in this dangerously depressing present i am currently getting stuck in. And just argghhhh.

Right when i think it can’t get any worse it does and then this happens again and again a fucking again.

When will all this suffering end? And when it does end will it do so by eventual good luck and recovery or eventual giving up and the welcoming of death like an old friend?

Because i really do want that first option to be the case. After all thats why i chose to get this surgery - for hope of recovery (and because it was the last option in recovery that i had yet to try). Because i do hold onto hope and i do want to fight for my recovery until i eventually obtain it.

But i have been fighting for this false sense of hope for more then a decade but the longer i wait and the harder i fight for recovery the more it hurts when i get nothing but bad luck to set me backwards every time i think i have made progress. And so the vicious cycle repeats.

This toxic cycle of suffering really does make it hard to continue feeling positive about the future. Therefor at times like these i find it easier not looking at the future at all because i don’t see myself being alive long enough to be in it most of the time. And that concept actually really does put me at ease.

Nonetheless i wake up and try again and again chasing what little hope i do still have left over from the abundance of hope i used to have before over time i began to loose most of it.

This dwindling hope really does scares me though because i am worried especially now with how low i am at the moment that any day soon that hope will start to run out until i don’t have enough left to save me from myself and if that happens i see no other outcome but to welcome death and admit defeat.

And don’t get worried ‘welcoming death and admitting defeat.’ is only a back up plan, its just kind worrisome to know the current plan isn’t gong too crash hot either and that my only organized backup plan revolves death.

Any way, this letter along with my mood stating off manic as hell.

And somehow ended here. In disappear.

But i fight on, for however long i have it in me to continue fighting.

And i ask (well lets be honest at this point i am basically begging) that the powers that be give me a break. I deserve it. Look even if that break isn’t recovery can it at least be to not continue getting worse. Because i don’t know how much further down this rabbit hole i can go...

[bigskydreaming]

Just wanted to thank people again for their reblogs and donations, I will never be able to describe how I feel about the support - both tangible and emotional - that people on here have given me over the past three months in particular. Especially now that I have a definitive diagnosis and course of treatment to aim for, and an optimistic timeline of maybe even having the surgery within the next few months, at least before the summer....it really just depends there on whether my insurance approves that expense or how much of it, etc.

I still definitely could use continued help, though I’m trying my best to not rely on it as much as possible. Its just...yeah. We’ve kinda hit the point where its really just not possible period for me to make it where I need to get to without support. The slight downside to all the positive stuff I mentioned above is I’m a very goal oriented person. And this has been a very long and constant ordeal for me, where its been nothing but seven days of constant stress and pain a week, not able to rest or relax or take a day off working or searching for work for literally months and months. The only way I’ve managed to keep going is by fixating on some nebulous future point I had to reach and kinda use that to drag myself forward day by day. Its not nebulous anymore. I have answers, I have concrete needs and timelines and all that. But that also means now I have a very clear awareness that I can not make it the rest of the way with just the resources I already have myself.

It’s like...desperation energy, that’s fueled me to get this far and last this long, but there’s a difference between desperation and futility, and motivating myself with the thought ‘just hang in there long enough to get answers and solutions and FIX things’, like, it did what it needed to do, getting me in sight of all that, but it took pretty much everything I’ve got to use all that to tread water, to just stay afloat to get to this point. There’s just not enough there to stretch that out to continuing to stay afloat WHILE doing three times as much work on TOP of that. I know my capabilities and have a lot of self-respect for them, but I also know my limits and I can’t afford to waste everything it took to get to this point just so I can pretend I’m capable of more than I am. Because that’s the other downside of being in sight of the finish line, but still having it far enough away its not anywhere you’re gonna reach in just a few more steps.....like, lmao, I’m fucking tired. I want to rest. And I’ve gotten just enough good news after nothing but years of new rock bottoms that my brain and my body are trying to take that as a sign that its okay for me to just collapse now and take a breather. But I can’t really. Because I’m still not actually there yet.

So on that note, putting the link to my paypal up here nearer to the top for a change, for people who don’t actually need my long-windedness, lol.

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

And then on a related note, I just wanted to say again that I’m totally okay with and even eager for people to leave notes with their donation for any writing commission I can do in return. Again, this is totally MY issue, and not something I think should apply to all donation posts: expectations of a quid pro quo. People help out because they want to help out. As long as whatever information a donation post includes is sincere, however much or little that information is, I think that’s the only parameter that matters. People have different personal criteria for what motivates them to actually donate to a relative stranger on the internet. If someone donating to a person whose post is just a simple paragraph of need with no context for why or what their situation is, if that doesn’t make sense to you? It doesn’t have to. That’s not actually any kind of scam. Someone just wants to say, hey I need help and no, I don’t want to explain why? Sure, a lot of people might not feel inclined to donate but anyone who does, they’re not being scammed. Someone asked for x amount of help, someone else decided, hey I can provide this much help and I’m okay with doing that with no further context needed. The end.

Just wanted to clearly express my opinion there, before proceeding on: for ME, personally, I like a degree of quid pro quo for the help people give me, because that’s something that works for my situation. I don’t LIKE not being able to work as much as I want to, because thing is, I have been fortunate enough to make careers out of work that I actually enjoy. My income over the last ten years has almost completely stemmed from acting, writing and graphic design, all things I enjoy. LOL I rant endlessly about how much I hate capitalism, and its true....but I don’t hate doing things I love. Obviously for the past year I haven’t been able to do any acting jobs cuz of my health conditions, and my writing and graphic design work has been unreliable for the last several months for a variety of reasons. 

The major way my health stuff (and related mental health stuff) has impacted me is not even with actual work, but finding new work. My headaches and chronic pain have lessened how many hours I’m able to be focused on work, but not so much that I can’t do what I need to get done when I have a clear objective and goal to focus on. It’s when that’s done and I have nothing else to work on and haven’t made the money I need yet. When I try to power through several hours a day of headaches/pain in search of new jobs as my lack of results amps up my stress and aggravates my health stuff even further....that’s what really makes days suck. And because of my mobility issues with vertigo and not being able to drive and all that, going out and getting a non-internet based job just flat out isn’t possible for me at the moment.

So I’m really starting to feel hopeful again that there actually IS an end point to all this and it might be soon even...and then I can get back to business as usual and build new client bases same as I did before, even get back to acting (omggggggg I miss it). But until that happens, as long as I still need to ask people for help and financial support, like, PLEASE do not feel like you’re imposing on me by suggesting something I can write in return, especially if you’re someone who’s been donating to me regularly. Or if you follow me in part because you enjoy my writing and my headcanons and fics and such. It’s not a chore, its something to do that I CAN do, that I LIKE doing, that I WANT to do. It actually helps make all of this more bearable, because like I said....writing and graphic design as my sources of income...they don’t feel like work. I ENJOY doing them. They actually get my mind off my issues, they give me a reason to get up in the morning, they make me feel productive, like I’m actually doing something with my life instead of just existing, and going through the motions day by day just to survive. 

So if you make a donation and you can think of something you’d enjoy seeing from me, please don’t hesitate. All I ask is that you understand that I’m not in a place to make guarantees at the moment, but when and where I can devote my time and energy to a direction you’ve pointed me in with your donation, I’m happy to, and hopefully that might result in something sooner rather than later. And eventually, if all goes well, I will get to a point (quite honestly a better place than I’ve been physically AND mentally in years) where I CAN be better about staying true to my intentions.

For now, just a rundown of things I have been writing for people who did make requests (though most of them are friends whose names I recognized and I hunted down and badgered into telling me what they’d like so I could do this, lmao. There were definite GDI WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO MAKE YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU convos being had, lolol I’m such a well adjusted person, honestly how do I stand it, science may never know).

Anyway, for anyone interested, the current slate of ‘commissions’ I’ve been working on, just so there’s no need to make a duplicate request:

Lightning Crashes Update - LOL a long awaited update to that beast. Its a 3 POV chapter, Kira, Liam and then Allison, and came out to around 10K. It’s done and just needs a final read through and polish, which I’ll do literally as soon as I manage to finish paying my insurance for the month and get caught up with what I owe my motel. Which means in the next couple of days for sure, if for no other reason then I like....have to make sure to pay those things by then one way or another lmao. But point being, for anyone still invested in that fic or interested in reading more, since its been so long and you’ll probably have to reread the existing chapters to refresh your memory, I think its pretty safe to go ahead and do that whenever, and the new chapter will happen somewhere in the next few days. 

As to the rest of the fic after that - this is one of three fanfics that I’ve always sworn I really want to finish someday no matter what, and that remains true. The clusterfuck TW fandom became for me really hurt my ability to write that story the way I originally wanted to, mostly because I didn’t want my resentment of Stiles to affect how I wrote his necessary part of the plot, and by the time there was enough emotional distance between me and the show/fandom to write it again, like....all this happened, lol. So I do think once my health issues are resolved and I’m settled in an actual permanent place, I’ll FINALLY be able to resume it. There’s like, a couple hundred thousand words worth of unposted story already written there, lmao, its just I outline and then write nonlinearly, so most of all that just doesn’t work without me finally writing the bridge chapters that pull it all together.

Born Under a Bad Sign Update - Same thing pretty much, as this is one of the other Big Three fics I’ve always wanted to finish. Largely because its got a sequel that’s already written in full, lmao. The sequel is my YJ version of Under the Red Hood, but builds on the plotline I always had in mind for BUABS. The sequel was just easier for me to write first because it wasn’t as personal. BUABS doesn’t have as much pre-written as LC, but its not nearly as long either, and it has always been totally outlined and with a lot of dialogue for later chapters pre-written. Anyway, this is what I’d like to post after the LC update. It’s not finished, but its also not as long as the LC one. It’s a Roy chapter, and doesn’t have a time break but while writing it I’ve split it into two parts just for my own purposes. The first is Roy and Ollie confronting Catalina, the second is Roy and Ollie talking about their own shit in light of that. For this one, the first part is written, the second has the dialogue written but the rest needs fleshing out. It wont take that long to finish, its really just a day or at most two days of writing. When that’s done just depends on when I can next devote time to it.

Untitled X-Men One Shot - Someone asked if I’d write something about Scott and Bobby’s friendship and some kind of reunion between them after Scott’s return from the dead. I will of course be ignoring AoX completely, lmao. This one’s mostly done, its like 10K lmao (look those two had a LOT to talk about okay), but the last couple thousand words of that is all just dialogue I needed to get down before I had to focus on other stuff. So everything I need is all there, I just need to return to it to finish fleshing out the last quarter or so of it.

Untitled Dick and Jason One Shot - Someone else asked me to write something with just Dick and Jason interacting, set in the comic book universe. I’m going with a blend of pre-nu52 and a little bit of nu52 for the setting, pretty much ignoring Rebirth etc, because a) I think the Rebirth reboot mostly sucked and b) I really don’t know much about post Rebirth continuity cuz I’ve read so little of it cuz what I have read I think mostly sucks. This one is basically Dick and Jason finally airing out their shit and all the things I’ve long wanted them to say to each other and know about each other, so they can try and build an actual functioning relationship as brothers. Its got all the dialogue written, but not much else. The dialogue’s really the only framework I need to build a one-shot, so it won’t be hard to write around it, its again just more about when and where I get the time to do that. It will be Jason POV, as in canon its usually Dick reaching out (to whatever degree) and Jason not trusting his sincerity. So the angle I’m going with is this one shot’s about Jason realizing he doesn’t know his brother as well as he thought, and that if he’s always trying to get the family to accept he’s not the same person he was before, like....the same can be true for Dick. Neither of them are the people they were back then, so the reasons they weren’t close aren’t actually reasons they can’t be close now. And what Jason thinks are Dick’s issue with him might not actually be what Dick actually has a problem with. 

Original Superhero Novella - This is likely the last of these things to be finished as its the longest and thus more on the backburner, like just writing 1 or 2K at a time on it. This one’s the request of a friend who knows enough about my original superhero universe (I call it the Ellis Eighteen universe) to know who she wanted to read about specifically. Which - not surprisingly, given that Batfamily is one of our shared fandoms - is my version of a Batfamily. Only not really, because lol I don’t like being derivative or writing analogs of existing characters aka I must be the specialest snowflake ever. So its more like I was like ugh I love the Batfamily but hate how rarely DC lets them like, GET ALONG, oh hey, I’m gonna shove all my resentment from that into making up my own dysfunctional blended family of superheroes who actually love each other even if they’re bad at saying so. Plus superpowers.

So their concept is there’s a C-List supervillain named Murphy, as in Murphy’s Law. He has low grade probability powers. Basically he makes it so anything that can go wrong will go wrong in a designated area. He doesn’t have any control over how that manifests, but he’s great for diversions, so he gets hired for a heist by some big name supervillains to just create mayhem while they do the actual work elsewhere. Except Murphy discovers the corporation they’re stealing from donates a lot to children’s charities and is heavily involved with ‘supporting’ the foster care system...as a means to seek out superpowered children who end up in the system, and exploit them for their powers. And while looking for the best place/way to make a diversion, Murphy stumbles across evidence of this, as well as four boys on site in advance of them being sent to a home specially intended to raise the boys to feel indebted to their benefactors and eager to do whatever they want them to.

Which doesn’t work for Murphy at all, because he’s not so much a bad guy as someone who ended up a criminal due to circumstances and desperation and from there just never found a reason to stop. This though, he’s not okay looking the other way, so he says screw this company and screw the guys who hired me, and he breaks out the boys and they go on the run, keeping anyone from getting their hands on them and moving from place to place while he tries to provide as much stability as he can, let them grow up and decide for themselves what they want to be.

Eventually though, the two oldest, Misfire and Crossfire (I call them the Fire brothers because even though they’re all biologically unrelated, they each have powers that lend themselves to picking the codenames Misfire, Crossfire, Ceasefire and Backfire). So anyway, after a couple years of this, Misfire and Crossfire end up sneaking out to be vigilantes. And Murphy catches them of course and is like wtf are you thinking, do you know how dangerous that is? What if you get hurt? What if they (asshole corporation) find you?

Only it turns out, they just wanted to be like their dad. Which Murphy doesn’t really know what to do with, cuz he never talks about his past with the boys. Because he’s ashamed of it, doesn’t want them to think of him as a villain. Which they don’t of course. He’s the one who rescued them, who gave up whatever his life was before to make it all about protecting them and always doing what was best for them. To the boys, Murphy’s always been their personal hero, so they kind of took it for granted....that’s what he was. Murphy was never a big name player, and they’ve always assumed that he was just some masked hero or vigilante who retired when he took them in so his old enemies wouldn’t come after them too.

So basically its a found/adopted family where the boys grow up to be heroes, thanks to the values and role model their father provided without ever having a clue how they really saw him, due to his own insecurities. And then it backdoors into Murphy eventually becoming a hero as well as its the only way he knows to keep making sure he’s there to look out for them, as well as like....he’s inspired by his kids, who in turn were inspired by him. He wants to be the man they see him as, live up to that image of him, not realizing that like, he always already was that man. That image of him is based on his actions, the way he raised them. So in reality, its not even that he’s inspired to heroism by the example his kids set, its more a gradual embrace of the role he’d always played for as long as they knew him, no matter how he personally had seen it (and himself).

And because I’m me, they end up making it the family business, with the older two boys and their dad working together to expose and topple companies engaged in exploitative practices, while the younger two ignore all orders to stay home and always stow away to make sure they’re part of the action. Like.....its the Batfamily with superpowers meets Leverage, if the Robins came first and Bruce only became Batman to be their partner and have their backs. And also he used to be a crook which is still way better than a billionaire. So, that’s that on that.

So that’s the slowest of the current slate, its at about 18K of a projected 30K, with this particular story being set after Murphy and the two oldest are already established as vigilantes. Murphy’s in his forties, Misfire’s 21, Crossfire’s 18, Ceasefire’s 16 and Backfire’s 14.

I’m open to writing pretty much anything I’ve ever talked about fandom wise, and that you know is something I’m familiar with. If for whatever reason a request is something I’m not open to writing or I’m not familiar enough with to write, I’ll just make a post about it and you can hop on anon and either clarify or ask for something else. And its okay to ask on anon ahead of time if I’d be open to something.

Anyway, on that note, I’m all done here, thanks again for everything!!!

[greyias]

Everyone, please excuse me for a moment as I break my normal cheery demeanor, to vent about something that happened on another website. But first, I want to assure all my dear Tumblrites that this has absolutely nothing to do with any of you.

I've just about reached my limit with FanFiction.net. I've had an account and hosted stories over there nearly since the site's opening, and have had to deal with the ridiculous changes to formatting and constant shifting of rules of what they deem acceptable. Like, hands down, Archive of Our Own is a superior site. The only reason I had continued mirroring things there is that I know it was still many readers’ main archive of choice.

And then I opened up my e-mail this afternoon to find a review on a very old story of mine.

Now, mind you, I've gotten bad reviews before, and I do one of two things: shrug/ignore them and go about my day or take a shot of tequila and shed a tear and then try to incorporate the feedback if it's relevant. Sometimes I might strike up a conversation with the reviewer in private if I think their words are actually coming from a genuine place (and in general I can tell when someone's just trying to pick a fight versus actually trying to be helpful).

Well, I finally reached the review today that made me want to actually respond to someone and say "Wow. Fuck you too, jackass."

I'm not sure exactly why this one outranks the time someone went off on me for not praising the magnificence of a car, or the time someone thought it relevant to veer way off topic in the middle of the review to tell me how their uncle killed themselves, or even the time someone called me a horrible putrid person because I dared to write about two men in a loving relationship.

And usually I just sit and stew on this in silence. Or talk about things like this in private and then let it go. I was fully intending to just delete this review and scrub it from my mind, but NOPE! In their infinite wisdom, FFnet has decided that I no longer have the ability to moderate reviews unless they come from someone not logged in. And while part of me understands why that policy might be in place, sometimes you just don't want to stare at some asshole's venting. Like this five-star review:

Ok, warning to future readers. This story is very well written. The plot is good. The characters are spot on. That said, by the time I got to the end I was so annoyed and p'd off, I wanted to smack the author. The saying, The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response, applies to this story more than anything else I can think of. Seriously, readers be ware.

I'm sorry, what is this? A fucking eBay review? "Buyers Readers beware"? The story in question is clearly labeled with many warnings about the dark content contained within, and the fact that they willingly went in and read a story whose entire trope was based on the fact that things repeat. Like I’m fairly certain that was actually advertised/warned for as well. It's a time loop story. A time loop story whose entire premise is driving the POV character to the brink of insanity. Like that’s the point. It’s literally stated in the story’s summary.

(And before anyone tries to assure me the story in question is good, etc--that's not really my concern. I know it's on a lot of people's favorite list, and is a story some return to and read every so often. For once, I am actually not in doubt of the quality or effectiveness of something I put out there (and I hope that doesn’t sound conceited or anything). Thank you SGA Fandom, I still ♥ you all, you're amazing people.)

But, all of that aside, I think what makes me so angry about this is I'm fairly certain this is not the first review of this type that this person has left behind. Like it's not even a knock against my writing, I wrote this story ten years ago, when I was a very different person, and not as experienced a writer. But at the time I was someone who was unknowingly struggling with a debilitating chronic condition that affected my mental and emotional state. I was very, very sick and I didn't even know it, and I can't help but wonder how my past self would have reacted to this? Would I have been able to shrug it off then? Or would it have made things worse? And what if this person has said something like the above to someone who is struggling now like I was back when I originally wrote this story?

Like I feel the need to assure everyone I'm in a much better place now, and this story does not hold the same significance for me now that it did back then. Like, the words above don't even hurt my feelings -- they just make me angry. All I can sit here and think is if this jackass has sent similar reviews to other authors. How many times has this jerk tried to tear someone down instead of you know... close the window or say "this wasn't my thing"? Instead of trying to shame someone for something they've written. Like it’s okay to not like a story, maybe even say so in a polite manner. But to get on a high horse and tell everyone to beware?

Wow.

Like, technically that review doesn't break any of FFnet's rules on reviewing. So I don't even feel I can flag it (especially as the author of story in question, doing so would feel very... petty). But the site is set up so horrible, I can't even look at this person's review history to see if they've gone off on someone else. And maybe report them for repeated abuse. But I get a major bullying vibe off of that, and if there’s one thing I hate it’s a bully. Like you can come at me, whatever, but if someone starts picking on other people? That makes me angry. Like it’d be one thing if I could verify I’m the only person they talked this way to, but I can’t. And that’s frustrating.

So. Sorry for the rant, but I really needed to get that off my chest. Like I hesitate to take any of my works down off FFnet because I do know a lot of people return to their favorite sites to re-read things, but it's definitely discouraging me from wanting to add anything else there in the future. If the website is going to go out of its way to remove tools from authors' hands to protect themselves from unnecessary bile like above, what's even the point of posting there?

Maybe I'll just go make another donation to AO3 in protest. At least there they care about their users.

[champagnesupermama]

I'm ending a toxic relationship with my parents and sister

On Sunday, September 23, my mother very deliberately started an argument with me. Or, at the very least, chose to tell me that a Facebook post I made about Brett Kavanaugh w toas wrong simply because I used the word fuck in it. She was aggressively contrary and nit-picked everything I said up until she found the opportunity to bring up my Facebook post.

Here is the Facebook post:

When I said it was un-American to believe that a sitting president is above being investigated, she did what all Fox News Watching Trump Fans do: Cry Obama. She complained about how he never got investigated and when I pointed out that he never did anything illegal and that Republicans had the chance to do it for school years she reverted to crying and asking when I became a hater. SECONDS after that, my dad yelled out that Obama is a Nazi N******.

I told them that I was going to let them take care of themselves the rest of the day, that I still loved them, and that I would talk to them later.

I went and told my partner about it, waking him up to do so, and he was supportive and generally perfect. And I told him then that I was pretty emotionally wiped out and at that point I only feared losing their financial support because I've never had their emotional support or approval. And then the concept came about that if they did withdraw that support, that I would be free in a way I hadn't been before. That all the anxiety I had about talking to them or going to see them would be gone because they would have nothing to hold over me any more. And then I started remembering the emotional abuse I went through with them as a child.

I remember:

Any time when I was talking and then any one of them would just interrupt and talk over me like I was on mute. One day when I was 10 or 12 I snapped and tried to assert myself. I think to Angela. I said that everyone always talked over me and it was rude. I’m pretty sure we were at McDonald’s. Everyone was mad at me and told me that it wasn’t true and to shut up. Angela continued.

She, my dad, my sister, brother in law, nieces, and their husbands are all Pro-Trump.

The only time Dad took me out shooting with him and Angela; I was maybe six or seven, very little, I always was. I was holding the box of bullets and I lost my balance trying to get out of the truck and lots of the bullets fell on the ground and Dad just WENT OFF on me and I had to pick them all up. I didn’t get to practice shooting that day or any other with Dad. He never took me out again.

I remember Mom telling me once when I was in my 20s, after I told her I always felt unwanted and isolated by the family that it was because of me. That even as a young child I “didn’t need [them]” I was not equipped at the time to question either to myself or her how or why or when I knew that I had to dissociate from them.

I remember a time when Mom’s aunt Fleta and cousin Anna Lou was visiting and Mom had recently made Angela and I matching dresses and they told her to go put hers on and when she came out they made over how pretty she was. I would have been 8 to 10 years old at the time so Angela was 12 to 14. I got up and went and put mine on and came out. I even did this exaggerated courtesy when I came out. No one said anything to me. At all. I was so embarrassed. I went and sat down and tried to be really still for a long time so that they wouldn’t notice when I got up and went and changed again.

I remember that Angela could go and make up something naughty that I did and they would believe her and I would be punished.

I remember that Angela’s cat was neutered and mine was dumped in the country.

I remember practicing piano when I was six and Mom sat with me and I was very uncertain and slow about the next note to play and she was singing along and she started yelling at me about how a singer would run out of breath and die trying to accompany me.

I remember Mom telling me that everything I was ever interested in doing as a career was something I would fail at because I wasn’t good at it or cut out for it. I remember showing her things I wrote and it was always inadequate, bad, or generally not good enough. The embroidery I did was sloppy. I was a beginner at all these things but I don’t remember encouraging words.

I remember Angela trying to tell me I was adopted because my hair was so light and I didn’t look like Mom or Dad. I look like my dad's mother who died before I was born.

I remember Angela ranting at me about how she was punished with a belt but Mom and Dad never did that to me. She even insinuated that I saw it and laughed. I have no such memory. And I don’t believe that as a toddler I would have laughed if I heard another person crying out in pain.

I remember Angela telling me when she was pregnant with Kristal (I was 12, she was 16) that the reason she acquiesced to sex with Todd was because she needed the attention that everyone gave me.

I remember that my sister is a liar.

I remember Angela telling me that I was Mom’s favorite and she was Dad’s favorite. I remember never feeling like anyone’s favorite.

I see now and have for years that Mom makes multiple quilts a year for assorted family members and has even donated some to the church but she has made 2 for Kirah and 1 for me in my life and that 1 quilt she made for me was one that DeWayne and I picked out when I was pregnant with Kirah. She finished it when Kirah was 11 years old and was upset that I didn’t want it. She couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want a quilt that I picked out with a man who also emotionally abused me. I mean, of course she couldn’t. On another sewing project for Kirah she took years to complete it. The prints that Kirah had chosen at the age of 6 were no longer so attractive to her when she was 10.

At their 50th wedding anniversary Dad danced with Mom, of course, and Angela. Not me. It’s true that there were technical difficulties with the sound system and that made it late before we could get to these songs. It’s also true that it was later in the evening and people were drawing Dad off to the side to talk to him. It’s also true that no one seemed to have any expectation that Dad would dance with me, and he easily forgot or dismissed any such attention. That happened just a couple of months ago.

I do remember when I painted flowers on a clear glass plate and entered it into a city wide contest when I was 10 or 11 and and didn’t win that Mom felt that I had been robbed because she thought it was a lovely piece. I do remember when I was 27 or so and Byron Boles had tried to accuse me of stealing a ring and my parents believed in me. I do remember them being supportive of me when the bullying I went through in Holy Name reached its peak when I was in the 5th grade and they pulled me out and put me into Longfellow school. I don’t think they knew it was really happening until the teacher was a participant. But these things are minimal requirements for parents and not enough. After all, I felt compelled to ask Dad if he believed I did it because I never could rely 100% on Dad taking my part in something. He never had before.

I remember never feeling like I was loved just for being there and being theirs.

As of 9/30/18 I’m cutting ties. Dad sent me a text that I would have to start paying my student loans again even though they know it will be financially devastating for us. They know I can't even afford health insurance. He says it’s a hardship for them. I guess I can’t blame them. Except I was unsure about going to college anyway because I had no direction and St. Mary's  of Leavenworth provided no career counseling or placement, and when I said I wanted to go to a state University, my parents insisted that I remain at the private school. I didn't even know I was signing papers for a loan that would have to be paid back for the first two years. I thought it was student aid. I signed what they told me to.

For anyone who bothered to read all of this, assuming you are also trying to survive or heal from emotional abuse, don't feel guilty for how you are surviving the fall out of that abuse. Don't let yourself feel tied to your abusers for any reason. I have 43 years of experience that whatever kind thing they may be doing for you is just as conditional as any sign of love or affection they have ever given or withheld.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Mommy” Part 3

It was a well known fact The Joker’s girlfriend left him with four young children and disappeared. It was also known that his ex stepped up and took care of them even if she didn’t have to. The King of Gotham might have lost his woman, but he never lost his Queen.

Part 1     Part 2      Part 4        Part 5

After 2 months

The Joker is alone in the VIP room, enjoying his solitude; he ordered everyone to clear the premises and wait outside since his business meeting ended earlier than expected. Out of the blue, the cell alerts of a new message. J slides the screen and a picture with you and Mia laughing pops up: you are both wearing matching headbands with yellow flowers, identical pearl necklaces and PJ’s made from the same fabric.

He barely smiles, when a new picture with you and now all the boys added in the frame pops up, apparently ready for bed. The Joker’s smile gets a little bit wider, then after a few seconds it disappears under the usual frown. He starts texting something back but changes his mind and erases the words, staring at the images one more time before placing the phone inside his pocket.

At the penthouse, you didn’t even wait for a reply since J never comments when you send him pics with the children; you get notifications they were seen and I guess that’s the best you’ll ever get.

“Kase honey, stop jumping on the bed, it’s time to sleep, ok?”

The four years old is still energetic so he keeps on jumping, chanting your name:

“Mo-mmy! Mo-mmy!!! Mo-mmyyy!!!”

“Kasey, be good and listen to me!” you try to make him behave while exiting his room with a clear purpose: taking Mia to her crib. The baby girl fell asleep in your arms, resting her head on your good shoulder. You are really not supposed to hold the kids or lift them up since it will take a while to completely heal from the injury you sustained, yet sometimes you can’t help it.

You carefully place her in the cradle, sneaking up into the room next door to make sure the twins are still dozing off. Thank goodness they are and you close the door to their bedroom, immediately rushing to Kase’s room when you hear the thud followed by crying.

The boy was hopping up and down when he accidentally moved too much towards the edge of the bed and landed on the floor right on his face. The carpet is soft but the impact scared him nevertheless.

“My poor little man,” you pick him up, worried he might have broken something.

Kase whimpers and hugs you, searching for comfort. You kiss the child’s head and caress his back, soothing the pain.

“Are you ok?” you wipe his tears, making him sit on the bed while you analyze him.

“Y-yes…” he stutters, sniffling.

“Then why are you crying honey?” you ask, cupping his face and the answer makes you hold in the laugh.

“Don’t know, mommy…”

“You’re silly,” you kiss his cheek, happy nothing bad happened. “You want me to read you a bedtime story?”

“U-hum, “ he nods, distracted by the offer. You get Kase under the covers and snuggle with him, reading until he falls asleep. And the busy day you had catches up with you, making you snooze in there before you have a chance to go to your own bedroom.

*************

“Y/N…Y/N, wake up!” The Joker shakes you and finally gets a reaction; he’s been calling your name and you didn’t even hear his first attempts.

“What time is it?” you turn towards him and Kase instinctively moves closer, searching for the warmth of your body.

“It’s 2 in the morning. Come on, hurry up, we have to go: it smells like gas downstairs, I think we have a gas leak!”

“Jesus!” you wake up in an instant, pulling Kase in your arms and struggling to get up; your shoulder hurts since you carried Mia around yesterday. “I’ll take him, go to the car!” he wraps his son in the blanket, not fazed by the protesting moans.

“Dadddddyyyyy,” the boy yawns, closing his eyes, upset with the ruckus.

“You’re fine, brat !” J lifts him higher in his arms and follows you. You want to get the other kids, but some of the henchmen are already helping, having them in blankets and heading towards the elevator. The gas detector is beeping in a frenzy  but you were so exhausted you had no clue.

“Yuck, the smell,” you cover your nose, waiting for J to catch up with you. “Are we going to my house until this is taken care of?”

“I suppose so,” he growls and you know why: The Joker hates your house, always complains it’s too small.

Situated on the property you use as the children’s playground – 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a large living room and a spacious kitchen- the one level home is more than enough when needed. Since you live mostly at the penthouse, you never feel the need to upgrade. Usually the boys sleep in one bedroom and you sleep with Mia, this way J has his own room. If he’s not coming to stay when you take the kids there, you move Aiden and Zane to their father’s bedroom. Simple and easy.

Not for The King of Gotham though. “Simple and easy” are not his thing.

***************

“It’s cold in this stupid house!” J complains as soon as he enters the master bedroom where you gathered all the kids in the same bed, waiting for the central heating to warm up the house.

“You know I don’t have the heat on when we’re not here; it’s not safe. Be patient, it will get hot soon,” the reply attempts to explain the obvious situation.

“Gimme 2 kids, I need to warm up. I’ll take them to my bedroom!” he gestures towards the twins.

The two year olds are not excited about their dad’s strategy: they are cranky and whiney because they got woken up in the middle of the night and transported to another location. They hold on to you, burying their faces in the pillows.

“Hugging all the kids, hm?” J snarls, irritated. No other choice but to crawl in the big bed also.

You choose not to comment: how is this your fault?!

The Joker snatches Mia that is sleeping in your arms and places her on top of him, moving Kase to his left, this way he has some bodies around to warm up with.

“That’s better,” he grumbles, covering everyone with an extra blanket. Kase reaches for you, wanting to go back to the spot next to his mother but J won’t have any of it:

“Stop wiggling and sleep!”

“I want my mommy,” his son complains and The Joker gets mad:

“What am I, decoration?! She’s literally a few inches away!”

“Kase, go to sleep honey, ok?” you plead, touched by how much the children love you. “Mommy’s here.”

In about 30 minutes the house reaches a comfortable temperature and J tiptoes out of crowded bed, wanting the privacy of his own room.

You keep on tossing and turning; your shoulder aches and you’ll definitely need some pain killers if you want to be able to rest. You slowly move away from the kids, not wanting to startle them. It’s so sweet to see the four innocent souls peacefully dreaming, curled up under the cozy fleece blankets.

“J, are you still awake?” you knock at his door.

“Yes, come in,” he turns on the lamp, curious on why you’re still up. You open the door and step inside.

“My shoulder hurts and I forgot the painkillers at the penthouse. Can we send…”

“I have your med,” he shows you his coat on the chair. “Upper pocket.”

“Oh, that’s awesome!” you sigh, digging in there and retrieving the much needed remedy. ”Thank you.”

“Here,” he dismisses your gratitude, handing over the bottle of water kept on the nightstand.

You swallow 2 tablets, taking a deep breath when the sharp pain pokes at the surgery site.

“Get in,” The Joker slides on the sheets, making space for you.

You almost choke on the water and he rolls his eyes.

“Are you afraid I’m gonna take advantage of you?”

“No,” you hesitantly debate on his proposition, confused about it.

“Then get in,” he reinforces his will. “Don’t look at me like that!” J glares in your direction, not a big fan of that intrigued expression on your face.

You listen to him though and comply.

“What did the doctor say? Do you need more blood transfusions?” he starts the conversation as soon as you are next to him. You bite on your lip, nodding a no. “Well, if you do let me know, alright?”

“OK…” you agree, perfectly aware on why he’s interested: after all the blood loss you sustained with the stabbing, you needed more to replenish what was depleted. They had you hooked up to the IV ready to go, when J had a fit because the doctor didn’t notify him of the procedure. The Clown Prince of Crime was furious he wasn’t asked to donate blood: he’s a universal donor, a match for all blood types. Of course the medical team had to apologize and be thankful they weren’t killed on the spot.

They also had to listen to his rant about how generously rewarded they were for being allowed to take care of the mother of his children and how they couldn’t even keep him updated on your condition. That was the first time you heard him talk like that and it was hard to hold in the tears: it made you aware he did appreciate the sacrifices his ex-girlfriend made over the years while taking care of his babies. The Joker just never showed it; he’s not that kind of person.

Needless to say you do have his blood running through your veins now. And you could have more if necessary.

You stare at each other in silence: you have a feeling there’s a purpose to his behavior.

“Why did you remove the tattoo?” J unexpectedly blurs out.

Ahhh, there we go: that’s why you were cordially invited to stay; he wants to talk about stuff bothering him. Might as well since you want to take a few things off your chest also.

You answer with a question:

“Why would I want my ex boyfriend’s name on my skin?!”

“I worked on that tattoo for weeks! It was perfect, my best one !” J cuts you off.

It’s always about him, of course.

“We weren’t together anymore, no point in keeping it…”

“I worked on it !!!”

 This is not going well.

“The lack of a tattoo doesn’t…”

“I spent weeks on that ink!” he interrupts again.

But you can’t hold in your own escalating anger:

“Why did you always bring Anya back?! Why did you tolerate her behavior?! Why did you keep on getting her pregnant?! She was horrible! And you didn’t want to have any children with me when we were together ! I would have been a great mother!!”

You lick you lips, running out of breath after the valid outburst. The Joker’s eyes have a sudden threatening sparkle, not expecting you’ll turn the tables on him.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you !” he grumbles, annoyed. “But I have to?!” you fight back, more and more upset. “Why…” and your voice breaks…”Why did you like her so much?…”

“I don’t like anybody!” he mutters through his silver teeth.

“You did like her a lot, it’s obvious…” you sadly smile. “And she neglected the kids, almost killed her own daughter… She never cared about you either…So…why did you like her so much?” you persist, unwilling to quit. At this point there’s no use: you are both fired up.

“Get out of here!” his menacing voice shrieks. “Get out before I might do something I can’t take back !” he pushes you away, struggling to contain his temper. “OUT!”

You don’t budge and J continues to violently shove you towards the end of the bed.  

“Get out I said !” he pants, provoked by your rebellious behavior.  

You don’t even feel the shoulder pain anymore or anything else for the matter.

“Why did you like her so much?” you repeat and he covers your mouth, rolling on top of you. The Joker realizes you’re not attempting to escape his grip; you just gaze at him without squirming.

“Get out of my sight!” J hisses, annoyed at your apathy; you’ve been in charge of his security for years, he knows you can defend yourself.

Why don’t you?

He lifts himself up a bit in order to give you one last nudge that will make you fall off the bed, when your arms tightly wrap around his neck, pulling him back on top of you.

“Why did you like her so much?” you forcefully hold him close when J wants to escape the embrace. “Why did you like her more than me?” you whisper in his ear and start crying, unable to suppress the burning question you wanted to ask for years. “I was loyal, I really loved you and never cheated,” your shaky voice makes him pay attention. “And you still broke up with me. And I didn’t object continuing to work for you when you asked. And I took care of your children when you asked,” you start sobbing and his face is buried in your neck, still mad yet listening. “You told me you trust me and that I never stopped being the Queen…Queen of what?” you lift his head up so you can look at him.“Queen of nothing?” and the tears keep on uncontrollably stream down your cheeks, your heart aching a hundred times more than the stabbing wound.

The Joker doesn’t bother to react or protest when you finally slide from under him, catching your breath while sitting at the edge of the bed. You wipe your eyes and prepare to go back to the kids just as his words barely make it out:

“You’re my children’s Queen and The Queen of this city. And…and my Queen since I can’t find a better one I can trust…”

Instead of making you happy, the sentences deepen your gloomy mood. J gets under the covers, turning his back on you, done with it all. He senses you scooting over closer to him until your steady breath lingers on his neck.

“Why are you still here?” he grouchily mutters and he feels your lips pressing on his shoulder.

“You want me to go?” you sigh. “Or…can I stay?”

“Suit yourself,” he reaches for the lamp and turns it off, not opposing to your left hand finding its way around his waist.

You’re almost napping when The Joker reopens the discussion:

“If by some miracle one of these days you manage to keep a man and get married, you still have to take care of the children; that’s an order !” he spits out with a hateful tone.

“ I really love your children; I couldn’t abandon them,” you cling to him more, somehow comforted when your hand is being moved from around his waist and kissed after a few seconds.

***************

The next day he avoids you.

You spend a lot of time outside on the porch, watching the kids play in the snow: even if is mid-February, there is plenty left for them to enjoy.

“Mommy… for you,” Zane gives you a snow ball, excited it made you smile. Mia is chewing one of her toys, cozy on the thick blanket she’s placed on at your feet.

“Thank you baby,” you kiss his nose, making sure to button up his jacket one more time. He likes to unbutton it; surely takes after his father, can’t keep stuff buttoned up. The thought gives you a sudden boost of positivity while watching him run back to his brothers. Aiden trips him and they both fall to the ground laughing, Kase trying to squeeze in between them because he wants to join in the fun.

“Don’t hurt yourselves !” you shout, the maternal instinct surfacing for the millionth time today and you help Mia up, the cute Princess standing without too much help; pretty soon she’ll be able to walk on her own.

You peak behind you through the huge glass windows, seeing The Joker talking to Frost. The King of Gotham is fast to throw something in the trash can, visibly irritated.

“Mommy, look !” Aiden yells, showing you the wall of snow he’s starting to build with his siblings.

“Good job honey!” you praise, waving at the boys and J steps outside, crabby disposition noticeable from a mile away. “Hey, did Frost tell you how long it will be until we can return to the penthouse?” you’re curious to find out since you hardly spoke to him since this morning.

“At least one week,” he growls, displeased at the news. “The pipes need to be replaced at the lower level. Only one duct was leaking, but they want to change all of them for safety.”

“That makes sense,” you grunt and lift Mia up, The Joker scolding:

“You’re not supposed to do that !”

“I know, I know,” you agree and he gestures for her. After finding herself in his arms, the little girl starts munching on his coat’s collar, babbling words that almost resemble “mama” and “dada”.

“Greeeat, another one to chew my ears off,” he frowns and it doesn’t go well with you.

“Why do you have to take the joy out of everything? Aren’t you happy Mia will walk and talk soon?” you sulk, not understanding why he can’t appreciate the little things.

Sarcasm follows:

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be? It’s something a kid never did before, right? Pfft,” he scoffs, ”you’re the one that got emotional when each kid learned to walk and speak; I don’t get the hype.”

“Of course you don’t,” you grumble, concluding the children must be hungry after playing for so long. “Darlings, come inside; it’s time to eat!”

************

You stop drinking your tea and elbow J, making him pay attention to the touching scene taking place at the kids’ table: the boys are eating and feeding their little sister also. Kase is actually standing, holding her hand and she nibbles on the chicken nugget offered by Aiden. As soon as Mia starts chewing, the boys eat some more too, waiting for her to finish what she has in her mouth.

Your eyes get teary; even if they did it before, you find it irresistibly adorable.

“That’s very cute,” you gulp, getting ready to help. The boys can mostly feed themselves, yet their mom’s intervention is more than welcomed.

J smirks, quietly adding more salad to his dish.

You head over to the counter, wanting to dump leftovers from your plate in the garbage can before helping the kids. The small box resting on top of the trash is discretely taking out by a curious Y/N. Is this what he threw in there earlier?!

You open it and hold your breath: it’s a gold bracelet; a simple circle beaded with a few diamonds, engraved with plain, meaningful words:

To: Mommy

From: Kase, Aiden, Zane and Mia

J hears you sniffling behind him and turns his head to see what’s going on. You hold the bracelet in the palm of your hand, speechless.

“Why is this in the garbage?!” you bite your cheek. “Help me put in on please.”

He doesn’t seem willing to fulfill your demand.

“I had no clue you dig in the trash now! Is it a part time job?” he mocks, cranky you found the customized gift he ordered eight days ago and decided to dispose of.

“Help me put it on,” you disregard his bitterness and J nags:

“It’s a gold hoop, easy to use, no clasp or nothing.”

“I want you to help me… please…”

That’s the point: you want him to do it.

“You’re annoying !” he yanks at you wrist, gliding the bracelet against the soft skin.

“Daaadddy, I’m thirsty,” Zane whines, coming over with his empty cup.

“Oh goody, someone finally needs me!” The Joker’s sassiness escalates for no reason.

***************

You creep inside his bedroom without knocking and lean your back against the closed door, waiting.

“Can I sleep here?” you utter, not looking his way.

“It’s your house, isn’t it?” the indirect invitation follows and you crawl in the bed by him, keeping a safe distance. “We can fit the twins between us; why aren’t you coming closer? Or are you scared you won’t be able to behave?”

You actually giggle, surprised you feel nervous.

“I think I’m alright, ” and you bring your body near his, cuddling like you used to years ago when you were together.

“Here’s the thing Y/N,” The Joker lifts your chin up. “If you sense any activity bellow my waist, don’t flatter yourself. It’s just a natural reaction due to the closeness. Are you…are you fucking blushing when I’m just messing with you?!” he teases and you feel your cheeks burning.

“I’m not blushing,” you whisper, embarrassed at your stupid vulnerability.

“You totally are,” J grins and you are aware it’s true. You wiggle in his arms, cautiously considering your next words. The smile perishes on his lips when you ask:

“J…Can you make love to me?”

He looks surprised and you feel awkward.  

“That was dumb to say,” you patch your mistake with a fake, clumsy laugh.

“Of course I can,” The Joker’s face comes really close to yours. “The question is if I want to.”

“Well,” you gulp, “do you want to?…”

“Maybe…” he gropes you, thinking. Or is he just pretending?

“Moommyyyyyy,” is heard from the next bedroom, Aiden starting to cry because he probably had a nightmare.

“Such a missed opportunity,” J chuckles and you get out of bed in a hurry, but he grabs your hand, squeezing it before releasing the hold: “Come back afterwards.”

***************

The children weren’t used to find their mommy sleeping in the same room with their father, but that changed two years ago. They don’t know what it means, but one thing’s for sure: they love coming in the master bedroom at the penthouse and jump on the bed, waking up both parents and horsing around all morning until The Joker hides under the pillows, displeased with the noise.

Mommy never complains though; she always shows her affection and lets them touch her growing belly, telling them their new sister is in there. So fascinating for the kids! And they are getting more and more impatient, especially the little girl: she was told she will be the big sister and it sounds like an important task.

*************

“Baby?” the three years old Mia’s squeaky voice inquires, excited and curious to see such a tiny doll in your arms.

“Yes honey, this is your sister Emma,” you smile, pecking her forehead. You are sitting on the floor with the kids around you and they are seeing their sister for the first time.

“Waahhhh, she’s so cute,” Kase caresses the small head, mesmerized.

“Can I kiss her?” Zane claps his hands, puckering his lips.

“Sure,” you agree and Aiden wants to do the same.

“Me too!” the oldest kisses her also and Mia pushes him away, pouting:

“She’s my sissy!”

“Hey, hey, no fighting! Emma is everybody’s, ok?” you try to alleviate the quarrel, amused it’s already starting. It took like…40 seconds for the rivalry to surface.

“Look daaa’yy, baby!” Mia snickers, presenting Emma to her father like some kind of treasure. He’s been sitting at his desk, watching their reactions. You smile, softly rocking the new born when it fusses from the commotion.

“I know, I made her,” he sneers, winking and the kids are completely absorbed by the new addition to the family.

“Can I hold her?” Zane extends his arms and you carefully place Emma in his grip, holding both of them so he won’t drop her.

You notice the Joker is the proud possessor of a very arrogant aura and you know why: he’s been bragging all afternoon that he makes very cute babies and no matter how the mom looks like, he compensates for the deficit. Such nonsense!

But the annoying truth is that he does make beautiful babies.

“Mommy, can I hold her too?” Aiden begs, getting you out of daze.

“Sure can,” you nod, wondering when the jealousy will actually kick in.

You are definitely prepared for the challenge: this might have been your first pregnancy, but it’s actually your fifth child. It shouldn’t be too hard since…

Once a mother always a mother.

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[drv3imagines]

I’m pretty sure this is what anon meant when they said Neko Maid… (Someone stop me please…I am having way too much fun) anyway, if this is an anime reference (outside of the popular AU/costume) I have never seen the anime and I am very sorry. For this ask I will assume by Neko Maid you are referring to the typical anime maid style with cat ears, a tail, and sometimes paws, if that is not correct I will accept criticisms and change it as soon as I can. Thanks for bearing with me and enjoy~ Sidenote: I’m keeping it gender neutral because there was no specified pronouns.

Rantaro Amami * The two of you were doing some season transitionary cleaning one afternoon, when you found it. * Rantaro was helping you dust off some antique snow globes one moment, then rushed out of the attic the next. * He had no idea what just happened, and your not-even-half explanation was no help either. * Fifteen minutes had almost passed before his curiosity began to eat away at him, that’s when finally you revealed yourself. * “Ohohoho~ So that’s what was taking you so long?~” * You smiled and stepped down completely from the ladder, doing a showing twirl of your entire outfit. * “And a tail? I wonder what I’d have to do to see you like this all the time~”

Korekiyo Shinguuji * Korekiyo had recently began to show interests in animal companionship in humanity. It only occurred to him after a certain animal loving classmate accidentally relayed their high interest in animals. * Every time you’d visit his home, his room had been left in a worse condition than your last visit. Who knew that animal companionship had soooo much research built into it. * But he was managing the work load, while his organization skills seemed to be lacking as of late. * That’s when an idea struck you. * While he was locked away in his room, nose-deep in a book relating to felines and their history amongst Egyptians, the doorbell sounded. * He heavily desired to just ignore whoever it was and continue his reading…but they were persistent. * Sighing, he finished the last portion of the paragraph, and made his way to rejoin society. * Although the situation did strike him as odd…hardly did he ever have visitors unless they were you…and you always called…perhaps– * Nope, throw all theories out the window. * “Nya~ Hello, Mr. Shinguuji. I heard your home was in need of some special cleaning~” * “Well I will most certainly accept the assistance of such an interesting and generous maid~ Please watch your step.”

Kaito Momota * Honestly…how you even got on the subject of Neko Maids is still a mystery to this very day… * But Kaito admits that he didn’t really like the whole vibe of it. * I mean, it was cute sure, a lot of people can pull off the look, but it’s just not his thing. * Major disappointing… * Maybe…there was a way to convince him otherwise~ * After dropping the topic, you moved your conversation onto something else, but your plot was still burning in the back of your mind. * A few days later, you and Kaito meet up again and- * “S/o?! Wow…you look…wow…” * “Maybe Mewmota would apurrtiate the quality of Neko Maids neow that his wuver is going to dress like one furever~” * “And to think I didn’t have a thing for Neko Maids ;)”

Kokichi Ouma * Even though he wouldn’t say, you could tell something was off about your jokester boyfriend. * It was like a huge rain cloud was just above his head, but the sun was was still visible confusing you about whether it would rain or not. * So you decided to set up an adorable surprise for him. * Even though it was hecka illegal…Ouma had done this plenty of times to you…so you figured it’d be okay…hopefully… Anyway you picked his front lock, as you’ve seen him done plenty of times before and awaited for him to return for his “secret society” meet. * An hour had gone by when he finally returned looking exhausted…maybe it was wrong to– * “Alright, whoever you are, I know you’re hiding! I’m armed and not afraid to use this!” * Whoa?? What??? * You slowly revealed yourself from behind his couch, completely at the mercy of your boyfriend. * “S/o?” * “I know what you’re going to say! And I-I just wanna say at the time it seemed like a good idea…but now…” * “You look sooooo cute~~~” * He’s latched onto you in seconds, covering your face with butterfly kisses. * Later on, you find out he was bluffing about being armed, but how the heck did he know you were there???

Shuuichi Saihara * It started when Shuuichi wasn’t paying any attention to you while he was visiting your house. * Call it clingy, but you did invite him so that you two could hang out. * It was understandable that he had a ton of work, but he could have just declined your offer… * Hmm…perhaps it was time mister detective took a short break from his most recent case. * He was absolutely lost in his work, failing to notice you slipping out of the room. However, when he finally became aware of your absence, he raised a small alarm. * It had been quiet for a long time… * He sets his notebook aside to go check on you, wherever you had disappeared off to. * Guest room? No, this is their house, why would they be in the guest room? Bathroom? The light was off and the door was open. * He had searched just about every room, leaving your parents’ room and your room. His money was going to be on the only room with a light on…which he should’ve checked first…but y'know…thoroughness… * The door was obviously wide open, hence the light flooding out of it…but he didn’t expect you to be struggling to change still. * Insta-nosebleed. * “Shuuichi…you do know that all I had left to put on were socks right?” * “I-I know…but you look…really…nice…” * Help him…

Kiibo * This whole thing started out with him asking questions about cosplaying. * “Why do humans do it? Is there any benefit one reaps by pretending to be someone or something else?” * Um yes?!? Is that even a question?!? * Before you went on a huge rant about how effing amazing cosplay is, you decided you could show him better than you could tell him. * Digging through your old cosplays you found the most classic of the classic… * “Alright, Kiiboi time to show you the great power of the Neko Maid!~ Nya (roar)~” * … * It takes a minute for him to analyze what exactly he was seeing. * “Perhaps Kirumi would appreciate the aesthetic of your maid costume?” * 🙃 * You spend the rest of the afternoon explaining with charts, 2010 YouTube videos, and PowerPoints just how important this relic was to the anime community.

Gonta Gokuhara * Today you decided to go through your closet, prepping your old clothes for donations, or tossing out the really worn ones when you found it. * Ah yes, the pinnacle of your cosplaying days…the blessed Neko Maid costume. * You figured it would be fun to try it on one last time before prepping it for give away to some other otaku– that’s when the doorbell rang. * Just as you answered the door, you took in the spiffy image of your giant boyfriend in a nice suit, sporting a bouquet of flowers. * “Gonta hopes you like the flowers he got for you for our date! He thinks they match your eyes perfectly! Oh?” * Mother… * You completely forgot about your date tonight with all the reminiscing in your closet. * “Sorry Gonta, I-I should hurry and go get dressed…” * “But Gonta thinks you look really nice in your maid outfit! He thinks it is really…cute!” * His blushing face was just too much to say no to…even though it would be really embarrassing…you agreed to go out to dinner in your Neko Maid costume. * Despite all the strange looks you received, Gonta’s constant compliments were enough to block off all the haters. Perhaps you should make this a regular thing on your dates~

Ryoma Hoshi * You know the guy has a strong fondness when it comes to cats, and you didn’t wanna give off the wrong impression by dressing in an entire cat suit. * So instead you settled for a more popular and socially acceptable genre. * Neko Maid! * “Nya~ Ryomew~ Look! I dressed like a kitty cat maid~ Meow!” * As soon as he looks up– * *internal screams* * He’s gotta keep his cool. * But. You. Look. So. Effing. Cute!!!!! * KEEP. YOUR. COOL. * He tries to tell you that it looks nice, but due to his internal conflicts, his voice slightly cracks, and after that you haven’t seen or heard from him for the rest of the week day. * But he absolutely adores this outfit, maybe someday he will be Adult™ enough to stick around and say it to your face. * As of right now…he’s got a bad boi image to protect, at least he’s gotta make you think he’s cool.

[hines-57-blog]

Is male privilege a thing? Feminists, please read

Okay, so this is a very touchy topic. And i think that in this rant im just going to look at both sides, yet still express my indivual opinions.

So, as a society we often see men as these emotionless beings and because of that we always minimize their experiences. For example, 40% of domestic violence victims are male, Domestic violence overall is a very disturbing and depressing topic since it is a harsh reality for women , children, and yes, men as well. However have you ever heard of anybody speak up about it? Have you once, just once seen an ad about any sort of physical or sexual assault that once mentions the attacks on men? Chances are you havent, and because of that its never talked about and unheard of

 Male suicide , mental health and self harm is often not tlaked about . We’ve all seen it, those annoying blogs on tumblr that glamorize self harm and have gifs of pretty girls cutting their thighs, its all focused around female mental health, which dont get me wrong, its a big issue. But as someone with mental illness myself, i would love to see more advocates bringing awareness not only to mental health overall but mainly brining attention to the hideous male suicide rate. And theirs no denying (in my opinion) that as a society we condition men not to be expressive of their emotions , and because of that they are less likely to get help. For example, i once spent a week in a mental health hospital and during the group therapy , NONE of the boys would share. All the girls would sob over their piece of crap parents and bad relationships and they would sit their keeping everything bottled up. Plus, there was probably only 3 boys out of the 20-28 girls there. The mental health system in general is disturbing but the way it completley ignores mens issues is even more disturbing.

And when it comes to wars, drafts, and overall more physically demanding jobs men are always there. Coal miners, engineers, brave soldiers, are all mostly male dominated jobs. So if you want to complain about gender equality in the workplace, then go in a coal mine , or enter the military . Because if you want to make it in the male dominated world  you complain about then go out there and change it, You cant just sit around and expect other women to go out there and fix it for you. Ive always said this and i fully believe in it, you decide if you want to be the victim. If you think youre being discriminated against, go out there and fix it instead of complaining about it on social media. You decide if youre the victim.

Although im a feminist i just wanted to address some very hideous problems i see in the “community” So ladies. Name ONE right that you dont have in western society that men do have, Ill wait. Oh, and while were on that topic lets go over some rights men DONT have that women do. Men typically dont get the favoring in custody battles Even though women are TWO TIMES more likely to abuse their kids then the father, and typically a father would be more financially stable since statistically men have higher paying jobs Women also have more social systems set up, thats why youre less likely to see homeless women then you are men, because they have gendered shelters and certain organizations that only do volunteer work for women Men can be fired from their jobs simply for being ACCUSED of secual assualt This sounds ridiculous, but a woman can sue a sperm donor for child support

Anyways, thank you all so much for reading. Please keep the conversation flowing and hopefully this sparks appropriate, respectful convoersation. DISCLAIMER- i respect everyones opinions and imnot trying to offend anyone, im just simply pointing out facts that i believe should be recognized by anyone promoting gender equality

SOURCES:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/23/justice/kansas-sperm-donation/index.html

http://repository.law.umich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1164&context=law_econ_current

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2015/nov/17/row-after-university-of-york-cancels-international-mens-day-event

http://nationalhomeless.org/publications/facts/Whois.pdf

http://breakingthescience.org/SJC_GBC_analysis_by_mbr.pdf

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence

https://www.nhchc.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/June2001HealingHands.pdf

[briteboy]

WHO is Santi and WHERE is his face?

i am LIVING for your warm & colorful posts right now!! your editing is so amazing and it brightens my day everytime i see a new post of yours *.*

THANK YOU!!!! <3 i am so happy/relieved to be using warm colors once more, i feel like myself again. don’t get me wrong, i do like evoking different moods, but sometimes (a lot of the time, especially with santi) too much is too much. today’s posts were HOPEfully my last emo edits..............for now

LOL I actually made a comment about Fiona naming a cat/dog (once Pets comes out) Rodrigo. I'll go back underground now haha (still a great story, cant wait to read more) -Runaway NONY

OH I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT wtf. either tumblr ate it or i accidentally scrolled past it i’m sorry. i always enjoy seeing messages from anons who return to my inbox! but lmAO that’s a good idea. i actually met the most perfect dog today and now i know the breed and name of dog santi needs immediately

Hii! If you dont mind me askin, how do you edit your darker screenshots? I always end up making them too light or too dark to see a thing :( Thank you!

hmmm idk what to tell you about making them too light or too dark, because that’s a very specific thing that really depends on the picture. BUT i know that the dodge tool is my bff for brightening up dark pictures while still retaining some of the darker elements you want in them (aversely, the burn tool will help darken parts), messing with the exposure can also really help, coloring can also help too, selective color is my bff especially with blue shadows and orangey skin...this is kind of a broad answer, i’m sorry, but if you needed help with something specific, let me know!

I remember you answered an ask and said you drew tears when you edit right? Is there a reason you don't use CC tears?

i answered this like two weeks ago but i can’t find it so whateveR i’ve used cc tears a few times but there’s only like three of those in existence and my characters have cried a LOT. i feel like it would be kinda weird if they had the same tears every time. also there are just some variations that i like to customize myself by drawing, like sometimes they’ll be full on sobbing, sometimes just one single tear...it just depends on the situation, that’s why i draw ‘em.

Santi is my favorite Harvest Moon character.

idk shit about harvest moon so idk how to respond to this :[ here’s a small picture of michael cera with a cactus

Would you recommend buying a macbook for playing sims?

if a macbook is what you already have, then yeah, i’d say it suffices without many problems. if you’re specifically going out and buying a computer with the knowledge that you’ll be playing sims on it, then mmmmmm i’d probably say no...but it also depends on if you’re like gonna get REALLY into storytelling and cc n shit or if it’s just casual gameplay with a mods folder that’s like 5 gb or less...if it’s the latter i think it should also be fine. but yeah it just depends on what kind of gaming you’re planning on doing.

How can I read your story from the beginning? Is there a link or something? I keep seeing it on my feet and it looks so great!

thank you! there’s a button at the top of my page that says “story directory” but if you’re on mobile you can just go here or copy this link: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono

I've talked to u like once before and I'm to shy to talk to u again... Why am I like fish?

This**

we are all like fish if you really think about it lmao but really just reach out my dude! if we talked once then y’know you already broke the ice so just go for it!! i am here and ready to talk about all the things under the sun

Do you use Topaz Clean?

yep

hi hello so maybe I am just a blind bean but may I ask how in god's name do you get your images to be so crisp? I have everything set up, but it seems as if when I do my thing in Photoshop, everything turns out lookin like a blobfish. I'm not sure if you use another person's topaz settings or if you have your own. Thank you so much if you do respond bc I was too much of a wuss to message you *cries in Spanish*

OMG well it’s mostly just resizing, smart sharpening, and most importantly topaz clean (see above) that makes them so crisp. i also use the sharpen tool on sims’ faces, and the smudge tool when something is particularly pixelated or whatever. everything i do is listed in here! UR NOT A WUSS *hugs you in spanish*

youre my inspiration to be a better writer. I know i'm good and giving characters depth and backgrounds and coming up with a rough story idea. but i rush things and i'm not great at putting it into a good story so ya. My story on simblr started out as casual gameplay but i wanted it to be more and i'm trying to get better @ everything

OMG ;_________; it sounds like you are a good writer already, and it’s awesome that you recognize your strengths while also acknowledging that you need to work on some things as well. i try to do the same and i think that’s what keeps me level headed. it sounds like you just need to dedicate some time to planning, that way you start to realize all the nuances of your story that come together to flesh out that initial rough idea. you seem to have a positive attitude, so that’s great!! you’re already getting better and better, i know it <3

now Santi's song is Post Malone - Congratulations

OMF LMAO u sent this when santi finally got to mexico and it’s fitting

sos i was listening to the song fight song by rachel platten when i saw the photoset of santi making it to mexico and now i can't stop ugly crying please make it stop

omG i see it TAKE BACK UR LIFE SANTI U GOT THIS

This is so random but like, can I just say that you're so amazing like?? Why?? You're so sweet and funny and I love you very much ok

AKJSKJDFKJS THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICEEEE ;-; i try but a lot of the time i feel like a sarcastic asshole lmao thank u for thinking otherwise <3

Am I the only one who's like... really mad about pets being NPCs? I just feel like being able to control them was the best part. I don't really feel like the EP is worth it without them. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand that the team worked really hard on it, but I feel like they didn't do it as well as they could have.

hmm i’m kind of meh on that front because like on one hand i did like controlling pets and the novelty of the fact that you could just see their different interactions firsthand, but ultimately i think i’m okay with not controlling them because it makes it more realistic for me and honestly they’re probably more likely to take care of themselves a little bit more if they’re automated, because i’m just thinking about ts3 pets and how i literally had to make them go pee outside otherwise they’d pee in the house...even if they were well trained and stuff lmao. plus there might be a cheat or mod that lets you control them, like there was in ts2? so don’t lose hope yet.

hey your blog is AWESOME, i read through your stories in a day and am obsessed (kind of in love with gianni) ❤ what are some of your favorite ts4 blogs? i'm trying to find more awesome blogs to read through during my miserable journey of trying to get the game to work on my computer lol

heyo here’s some! thank you btw, and i hope your miserable journey ends soon :{

(I really need to get this off my chest) ok so my aunt is currently in a critical condition after having a kidney failure and she's in desperate need for a new one and I'm the only one in my family that's a match (so far) but I'm not allowed to donate bc I myself have severe health issues affecting my day to day life that would make it extremely dangerous for me to remove a kidney. I'm so fucking frustrated you don't understand like I just want to cry most of the time

first off i’m so sorry that this is even happening to you ;__; and you’re an amazing person for being willing to help out your aunt like that, so just know it isn’t your fault that you’re unable to. don’t guilt yourself for it okay? is there any other possible donor at all? i wanna know how this situation ends up. i really hope your aunt will be okay. just stay close to your family for support and don’t blame yourself.

how did you get photoshop for free? I'm trying to find a link that won't give me a virus, but I had no luck yet

the pirate bay is ur friend

Ok I gotta rant. GoT does NOT deserve the hype/amazing ratings. Like, sure the cinematography is pretty great and they have ok actors but the freaking script is so mediocre I actually think I could write a better one. Me. A 16 y/o tiny child. There are so much better shows out there! Hell, even Supernatural has a better script than GoT

whenever ppl agree with me about how much GoT sucks i grow stronger and stronger even the actors are iffy at this point. watching daenerys act is painful, jon snow is wooden as hell, it’s just bad. ur 16 yr old self has more potential than these writers tbh. it’s just completely mediocre; it started out as something great because it followed the same layered storytelling pattern as the books, but it’s diverged from that completely because the writers got too caught up in the hype. and you’re right, it doesn’t deserve that hype! omfdkjsgkj i’ve never watched supernatural but i haven’t heard good things. that’s a low bar