#radicalize me to old man yaoi maybe

[ronaldreaganfan]

the alt right pipeline is so awesome i love old man yaoi

[farharbour]

soooo as i suspected i was too busy to do anything fun for my babygirl (jesse) for his birthday (TODAY!!!) and i won't have any time today to do much either since it's cookie baking day BUT i still wanted to share some fun character progress & development stuff w/ him from the last 5-ish years 💞

my first ever art of him (2018) -> baby's first cingefail re-design (2019) -> another re-design, pretty close to what i settled on (2022) -> another re-design (mid-2023) -> the same thing only without the scar because i didn't like it & the one i'm sticking with because i love it and i love him (late 2023)

he was originally named james and was my self-insert cis-sona LOL and i already made a post recently about how developing him helped me not be so scared and come into my identity as a trans man (and i made jess trans later on too as a radical act of self-love or whatever) so i won't go into that again. he is my favouritest guy ever truly

i changed his name in 2019 and was workshopping his design until this year actually, i was never really happy with how he looked until recently. i'd never say he's truly a self-insert these days even though i joke about it still hehe.. he's his own guy now but i still like to put a lot of myself in him for old times' sake (my mental illness, love of cooking, etc.). i took a little inspiration for his personality from some of my favourite books; 'white noise' in particular helped me develop this idea of how powerful a narrative it could be for him to have this almost obsessive preoccupation with death.

i want to talk a little bit about 2022 jesse too because he is so very special to me but it's less relevant to who he is as a fallout character. i wanted a death stranding oc and just decided to slot him into that uni too NGJGHFDFG i'll put this bit under a cut since i'm sure not a lot of you are particularly interested in that.

anywayyy thanks for letting me share my guy with you all and thanks for appreciating him <3 and if you don't idk why you read this post but that's fine too i guess 🐜🎒

ok SO his 2022 re-design came from adapting him into the ds universe and even tho this is under a cut it's still SO self-indulgent so i won't get too deep into it. he was like. "evil" i guess? he was with the demens and i paired him off with higgs (they met when they were teens after jess accidentally killed his brother and ran off from his family's preper shelter) but he was still not really into the killing and the terrorism stuff. but. when you love someone and it's toxic yaoi sometimes you overlook things like murder y'know

he and higgs were linked by a set of chiral rings that higgs made for him. they gave him a sort of healing ability that basically boiled down to him shaving time off of his own life to give to someone else in the form of healing wounds, restoring blood, etc. and that transfer was done thru chiralium. or something. i never really gave that bit too much thought LOL what was most important to me was that he died mid-way through the story of the game and he never crossed the seam because higgs, in some desperate attempt to control death, crudely mummified his body with tar so his body never decomposed or became a bt. so he was kind of. stranded (heh). on the beach. and the pair of them link up again after higgs gets exiled.

maybe i'll share a bit more of this when ds2 comes out and i get to think about him & that world some more but for now that's it ok cool

[azurowle]

It seems so odd to me that when I tell trans-exclusionary radical feminists that I’m transitioning, I get told I’m taking the “easy way out.”

I put an age range in my profile that I am on the higher end on.  I started medication and therapy for my depression when I was in about eighth grade. I would have been maybe 14-15 at the time.

That’s a little more than half my life I’ve spent on and off of ineffectual therapies, cycling through 3-4 psychiatrists and two psychologists, and pretty much all of the SSRI medications (I was never given any MAOIs, though I was once given Adderall and am currently on a mood stabilizer). I’ve had good periods throughout that time.  Most of the time I’ve just been okay at best. Then there are the times where I tried to starve myself to lose weight because exercise seemed like such a chore and I couldn’t stop eating. Or when I would cut myself whenever I was reprimanded for a mistake. Or drink to distance myself from my body.

Since I accepted I was trans, I’ve felt more balanced.  And since I started T, for the first time I actually have the drive and energy to exercise, eat right, think clearly, and want to live to a ripe old age. (For reference: I’ve seldom thought of  myself living past my 30′s, maybe 40′s at most. I did sometimes have fantasies of living to a ripe old age. That’s all they were to me.)

In spite of all this, there are radfems who pity me and trans men/transmasc folks like me. They call us delusional. They say we took the “easy way out.” We’re called lab rats. We’re told we’ve read too much yaoi as a kid (spoiler alert, doesn’t work that way). We’re told we’re trying to use gay men as sex objects (which, ironically enough, I haven’t desperately craved a significant other since coming to terms with being a trans man who likes men).

What solutions do they have? Buddhism? Finding a hobby? Meditation? Exercise (which is not always an option for some of us)? Spending 15 more years in therapy and thousands of dollars to make little to no progress, on the vague promise that if we work hard and want it enough, we’ll love ourselves?

Spare me. If you’re a cis or trans person who’s found that gender-critical, trans-exclusionary radical feminism has worked for you, great. Do what you have to do.

But as someone who turned to gender critical and trans exclusionary radical feminists and detransitioners for help, will not be silent in the face of people who ignored me, mocked me, and provided no solutions to a gender-free world aside from “let’s blame the evil transcult,” I have to speak out about it.