#psych you out in the end
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I can’t decide if it’s funnier if tsukasa is medicated for his adhd or if he thinks he’s normal and fine. I think the former is the more likely option based on the way he acts, but the latter allows for a situation where he’s forced by his loved ones to take an adhd test with a professional and when he’s finished he’s like “haha normal results! right?” & the doctor is like 😰
#he’s like the reason I fit the higher end of the scale on all these questions is because as a star I’m naturally at the higher end of the#scale for everything. & the Dr is like no. it’s because you have adhd.#mine#tsukasa#when I was in 2nd grade they were like ur kid has adhd & my mom was like nuh uh. & then when I was 17 she was reading her psych text book#like ohhh 😬 let’s get u tested. filled out the exam psych looked at it for 2 seconds and went yeah wow you have adhd.#all that to say. would be really funny if something similar happened to him.
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Hey, I just watched Dead Poets Society for the first time ever! Now, if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna go sit in the corner of my room and scream!
#me very politely asking whoever made this movie to revive Neil (i am holding them at gunpoint)#NO BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK#what about my anderperry you cant do that... my anderperry you killed it... why ☹️#no but literally i usually cling onto one character in every show or movie and the rest i could care less about guess who it was for dps?#NEIL IT WAS FUCKING NEIL AND THEY KILLED HIM#i am rotating his father on a fire like a rotisserie chicken and feeding him to dogs.#i hope his father dies a slow agonizing death. i will boil him alive.#me at the end of the movie waiting for someone to say psyche or people to jump out with cameras and tell me i was being pranked#me before: “haha people seem to like this movie a lot it sure seems interesting ill check it out”#me after: “what is life...”#no but all of them standing kn the desks was so AHHHHHH#and i qant to fucking fight that bitch whatever his face was idk i forgot most of their names#the chatterbox tattletale snitchy bitch#thats his name now forget his actual name#dps#dead poets society#anderperry#since i mentioned it in the tags#nuwanda literally was like “sure yeah ill get expelled but i wont rat you guys out”#but chatterbox tattletale snitchy bitch mister “you forgot about the homework” over here is like “yeah so i told them everything”#i am exploding his head with my fucking mind#he deserved that punch so fucking bad
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Hard thing to come to terms with is that most of the irreparable damage dealt to you isn’t gonna be done by evil people hellbent on torturing you. It’s gonna be done thoughtlessly by people who don’t know better, or weren’t thinking much of you at all, or just briefly forgot that you are a human being.
#it sucks. cause you want your suffering to mean as much to the cause as it does to you.#and it helps your narrative human brain to have a villain to funnel your rage towards#but thats hardly ever how this shit works.#and if it does then the blow hits different. ppl who hurt u with intent approach u like a person & its the dehumanizing that hurts the most#most of my bad experiences were done by people who were hurting or simply not thinking treating me like a means to an end or a punching bag#the worst thing thats ever happened to me was done by a complete stranger who didn’t Care.#we dont wanna admit Carelessness’ capacity for heartbreak cause all of us are careless. we’re Good People who never set out to hurt someone#but sometimes its enough to just. not recognize someone. be absent minded at the wrong time. get overwhelmed and lash out.#then BOOM. irreversible damage to the Eternally Unpredictable Other’s psyche. total accident.#most ‘villains’ absent-mindedly stumble into the role by total accident. this consciousness shit sucks i wanna go back to monkeytown.#rose ramblings
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Seeing reactions after this episode is actually slightly hysterical? It proves that this fandom can be so blind-sighted by characters relations, that they forget what show they are watching. Like, I have always been a self-proclaimed Roman-girl, because I find him compelling and extremely psychologically interesting, and like all of these characters, to a certain extent, I do empathise with him on the level of trauma that he went through. But why the fuck are people surprised that THIS is how he behaved in this episode is beyond me. Oh, suddenly Roman is dead to you because he behaved in the way that was very much consistent with who he is? That’s who all of these people are, like come on, what do we think we are watching here? You didn’t really think he will suddenly become a defender of democracy because it serves a greater good of the country? He was the one to fucking choose Mencken as a president, he cherry-picked him for Logan, because he knew that their views align, that Mencken will be a smart business decision. This whole thing is a transactional procedure - they needed to get someone who will be willing to serve their corrupt interests. Roman doesn’t see a problem in having fascist as a president, because he will never be touched by the consequences of having that kind of man in power. He is very much safe at the top of the mountain, and who the fuck cares what will happen to the peasants at the bottom of the chain? In this way, he imitates Logan the most, because in the end of the day, people are units to him, to all of them really, some of them are just more willing to admit this than others.
Also, like, “uuu, Roman was such a misogynist to Shiv this episode, he just didn’t listen to her at all”. Look, can we stop being delusional here for a second or is it some sort of selective memory situation? Roman is a misogynist. Kendall is a misogynist. Shiv, in fact, has a lot of internalised misogyny going on, and her being a woman never stopped her from pushing other women under the fucking bus, so let’s be real here for a second. And that is not to be said in defence of Roman, frankly nothing what I’m saying here is supposed to justify his behaviour in this or any other episode, but it’s more of like… reality check? I know that Roman’s self-destructive spiral and semi-decent behaviour at the beginning of this season might have clouded certain aspects of who he is, but please, go back to season 3 and count all the instances of him throwing misogynistic and, frequently incestuous jokes and innuendo, at Shiv? How many times he undermines her position on the basis of her being a woman? Or how Kendall, for that matter, uses similar arguments in 03x02? All the siblings use aspects of each other as weapons. Kendall is undermined because he is unstable, because he is a drug-addict, because he has a tendency of flying off on the cloud of mania, and crashing in the heap of depression. Shiv is crossed out because she is a woman, because she frankly has no real experience in the firm (which, although people might be super angry about that, because she is such a “girlboss” apparently, but this is a factual argument), because of her relationship to Tom and tendency to take several sides at the same time (with not much thought put into it). And Roman is frequently undermined because he is a freak and a pervert, because “there is something wrong with him”, because he is the weakest dog that is most easily manipulated, who crumples like a wet tissue if only to receive a bit of affection. They all weaponise their “weak” points against each other, because this dog-eats-dog mindset is focal to who they are as a family, to how they were brought up, to how Logan wanted them to be. So please, let’s not be surprised, when Roman suddenly uses misogyny as an argument against Shiv, because it’s not sudden at all, and it’s always been there.
I think what we have on our hands, is the same situation we had in 03x07 during Kendall’s birthday (and previous episode with Mencken), where some people are so outraged by Roman, and by his ability to shove the knife where it hurts, that they suddenly cross him out completely. Again, all these characters are bad people, there was never any doubt about that. They are compelling because of the complexities of their familial relationships, because of their childhood trauma and the consequences that this trauma has on them as adults. But they are still completely reprehensible as human beings, and I think some viewers forget about that and then get outraged when show about awful people features awful people. And I’m sure, either in next or final episode, something will happen and Roman will become sympathetic again, and he will regain his position as a “poor meow meow”, just as he did in the finale of season 3. Its always a fucking carousel with this character and people get sucked in and have their eye’s covered just to realise that nothing really changed, and nothing will change, because in this show people, at their core, remain the same.
#roman roy#this is a ridiculously long rant#but as soon as I finished this episode I just knew what takes I will see on tumblr#it is becoming painfully predictable to figure out what takes people will give#i dont know if i should find it funny or sad because its been 4 seasons and some people still don’t understand what they are watching#like wow#show about bad people have actual bad people?#doing bad things?#the shocker of a fucking century#call all the news channels#but will all of that stop me from liking Roman as a character?#No because there was never any doubt in my mind about the state of his moral compass#or lack thereof#you can’t like characters in this show for them doing good things because they rarely do#this show is interesting and these characters are interesting because of the psychological mechanisms that drive their behaviour#(and im saying this obviously as a psych major so nothing surprising here)#but yeah i had to get it out because it infuriates me when people lack a basic understanding of what they are watching#and are surprised by things that were there to begin with#in the end of the day nothing fucking changed#succession#succession hbo#kendall roy#shiv roy#succession spoilers#logan roy#connor roy#succession s4#marta rumbles poetically#i will also probably write something about Roman later on when I can fully process this episode and I get my exam done#because there are some interesting psychological things at stake in here
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Do you see my vision?
#I couldn’t get the idea of Vash doing Wolfwood’s make up this meme style#because hear me out - Vash wears eyeliner#look at him look at him in the 98 anime#you cant convince me he doesnt have a shitty eyeliner pen which he puts on every morning#anyway if you noticed vash’s leg just ending no you didnt (im too lazy to finish it)#trigun#trigun fanart#trigun 98#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#(also yes the date i finished it is a few weeks old i had to psyche myself up to post this)
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My friend is trying to get me to watch Joker 🃏 because we’re both psychology/med nerds and my friend says I’d love it but I’m scared because I do not want to end up empathizing with him and falling down another rabbit hole HELP
#on one hand I’m craving the psych talk all the way through#on the other hand I just KNOW I’m going to end up with another rabbit hole of alternate universes with somewhat-good-joker and urghhhh#silly thoughts#ghost talks#pls Jason save me#bestie I love you but I’m not cut out for this kind of mental dilemma#yes I’m being overly dramatic about this don’t attack me 😭
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RULES: make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag 5 people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite! (tagged by @seaweedstarshine)
Tagging (don't worry if you don't want to/have done it already!): @transgenderdoctorwhomst @27-27-gruff-triplets @quietwingsinthesky @lost-tardis-room @a-shard-of-quartz-lol
#rose rambles#thank you for the tag!!! :D#like Tree I tried to keep it to one per fandom#which meant I had to pick one from doctor who...#if I'd kept it to just dw It'd be Nine/Rose/Amy/Clara/the Master#also for the characters with the & symbol#its because both characters are Very Strongly Associated#Grima is the dragon/deity that possesses Robin in fea that he was like#born to be the vessel of. You usually prevent it from happening but the DLC/future story has it happen#and the story is preventing an event that by one view already occurred#as for Hermes and Fandaniel. Hermes was the ''full'' soul who took on the position of Fandaniel#and Fandaniel as mentioned on the poll refers to the soul piece in ''modern'' time that takes on the mantle of Fandaniel and body of Asahi#and has the memories of Fandaniel#but doesn't fully identify as Hermes#Fandaniel#or his most recent life Amon#he wants to blow up the world to end reincarnation👍#might as well explain the other two then for doctor who followers uhh#Jin is part of STREGA#a group of teens that were experimented on to awaken their Personas artificially#which is slowly killing them (their psyche is physically lashing out at them). So they also. Try to end the world.#The kids are left taking ''persona suppressors'' which is an experimental medication that is both the only thing keeping them alive and is#also slowly killing them. It doesn't get the chance to kill Jin though.#he's one of 3 (4 if you count the light novel) surviving kids out of 100 from the experiment and by the end of the game only Chidori is lef#And now Will Graham.#You probably all know Will Graham. And I have rambled long enough. But he's the origin of one of my names.#Most of these guys are villains thats just sort of how these themes get represented#and I'm nothing if not consistent lmao
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I actually had a fandom-related semi nightmare last night that was so mundane but awkward that it made me mad when I woke up. dream-me had apparently, in a fit of hubris, recommended my own anonymous alt ao3 account to one of my irl friends years ago, but the friend in question had never actually checked it out, leading present day dream-me to feel very relieved because the fic there is very unpolished and venty and quite easy to identify as mine if you know me well enough. which leads to the premise of the dream itself, where my friend dms me like "yknow I think I'll finally look into those recs you sent me a few years ago, I have some free time and want to show that I'm interested in your tastes and hobbies," at which point it became a race against time to either a) convince them to stop reading before they got to the most damning authors note in as non-suspicious a way as possible or b) simply nuke the account. why was this my stress dream. the stuff on there isn't even that embarrassing.
#even the version of me IN the dream was aware 'well if they figure it out it won't be the end of the world or anything it's fine'#I was just absolutely mortified of having the 'this is you? what?' conversation#@my psyche WHAT are you on about#marina marvels at life
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prepping for my Bonus Days. i love tutorial agent lmao
#chemi chats#yknow. last year's ''take sundays off'' made a lot of sense.#october 2023 was PERFECT for skilltober as it was a full four weeks (so six days for each skill type per week plus a day off)#and left two days at the end - the 30th and 31 - for Ancient Reptilian and Limbic. so it worked out really evenly!!#using the same method in 2024 does not yield the same clean results hjkjg it looks. so fucking messy gang hgkjg#but generally you can take any 5 days off? it would make sense to split it at the first any five days in a row.#like how we had five sundays last year. so like if we had five mondays this month we'd do free days on mondays right?#but this months was tuesdays and we all STARTED on tuesday SO LIKE HGKJG OKAY MAN. NOW WHAT HGKJ#i want to be posting the same skills as everyone else everyday but that's a bit much to ask yknow? syncing up is fun but its HARD man hgkjg#the reason why im talking about this is because im NOT taking the free days hgkjg or maybe i'll take one who knows lmao hgkj#but my ''free'' days are: Tutorial Agent with the INTs. Solace with the PSYs. Volta Do Mar with the FYSs. Kinetic Dressage with the MOTs.#and maybe Vices thrown in there? i might make Vices physique and put Volta with the psyches? and make Solace a little bonus end?#because i love her and shes special hgkj but i guess i'll see hkjf but EITHER WAY im gonna be posting on whenever free days are hgkj#so if everyone takes sundays+halloween off (except me because im Fucking Entrenched In This Shit) then thats when i'll post#(even though it'd be messy as hell like. splitting up the skill types hkjg??) maybe it'd make sense to do mondays+halloween so we can#finish a skill type section before taking a break/doing my bonus skills? and it'd even out but that requires coordination hgkjsk#sigh. or for me to accept that we'll all eventually fall out of sync and thats fine hgkj (<- I can be fine with this. It's just messy hkjg)#oh idk :P im gonna take my ''break''/bonus days on mondays+halloween and whatever happens happens <33#(<- assuming im gonna be able to finish a monthly challenge lmaooo) okay ive got a headache lmao goodnight i love you all as always <33
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honestly looking back at all the irem futures. the funniest takeaway from all of them is that fires is 2000% doomed by the narrative. no matter what, This Specific Evil Capitalist Bat, out of All The Other Evil Capitalist Bats, is apparently The Most Dead Guy Coded member of the bazaar's fucked up goofy horrible workplace sitcom. how does (will?) this even happen
#even VEILS shows up. veils who perishes no matter what in 1/4 ambitions. fires is never mentioned aside from the implication it's dead#incredible. what happens to it. does it trip and fall into its own factory plant like the joker#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#i know it's involved in light fingers but i don't know how. all i know of LF is pregnancy horror is apparently involved and fires is there#..which. with the knowledge of spices' current Situation in railway. is perhaps the funniest possible way i couldve phrased that#i know the scoundrel obviously encountered veils bc they're not a BaL character#but afaik if you are stones subs in for it by default#fires isnt mentioned regardless. anywhere. except for the nearby future where it's apparently dead dead as hell#which means no matter what it's a 'default' that it's either missing dead or perhaps simultaneously both#incredible#personally im still holding out on my joke crack theory that railway will end with the scoundrel accidentally hitting it with the train#i think accidentally murdering their coworker would do fascinating things to that freak's psyche.#i dont think they've even processed that curators can die.
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if we're being so for real, i was a goner on the winter soldier storyline in the mcu the second they cast sebastian stan as james "bucky" buchanan barnes because i was watching once upon a time season 1 episode 17 hat trick when it aired on march 25, 2012 and became deeply enamored with jefferson's tragic backstory, manic moments, fun little kidnapping habit, and deeply deeply sad eyes
#now you might be saying 'tea that episode came out after the first cap' and to THAT i say 'i didnt watch ca:tfa until after the avengers'#no i have not watched the falcon and the winter soldier and no i have no plans to <3#there is a reason 3/4 posts in my ouat tag are jefferson. he bewitched me body and soul#like HELLO when he reunited with paige? i feel ill. what the hell.#also him breaking into that psych ward to let out belle that was SOOOOOOOO fun#he made such a big impact on me for such a minor character i think back on his wonderland outfits so fondly#tea watches tv#tea watches movies#not pjo#chitter chatter#it's about having a type: unstable sad men with trauma who are kinda violent who are estranged from family and loved ones and also#memory problems are involved. paige baby i am going to be SICK#sorry that reunion scene is SO GOOD and like. its once upon a time. like. its ONCE UPON A TIME. literally what the fuck.#im going to end up on the news.#dear person in the comments of this scene collection youtube video that says#'jeffersons curse was to remember. buckys curse was to forget.' i will see you in the trenches.
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y'all know what? let's talk about the song john mulaney wrote and sang in the beginning of baby j because that broke me.
#raj shitposting#i feel so horribly sorry for him after the show#like damn it john don't pull your english major psyching out people shit on me yk how that affects me#like i was so sad when i got to know he got a divorce and developed a drug addiction it was horrible#but i love the way he's making good fun and laughs out of it.. yeah it must've been terrible for him but he’s laughin' at it now#so it's all well... you know.. how an english major would put it- all's well that ends well#john mulaney#baby j#also i adore the name of this show it's so friggin' corny
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#writing#poetry#2022#October 2022#october 13 2022#You’re Kind of an Idiot#yeah i still like this one#I think i specifically trying to imitate Richard Sikken with the funky formating and view changes or however you call it#the context was I convinced my friends to add me to this group chat that had all this people they were friends that I didn’t know#(I did know half of them tho)#and like this wasnt a decision made by the group chat but just the three in it i had lunch with#originally it was a joke i wasnt in it but then i got them to add me#I thought i might get kicked out by one of the people who didn’t know me once they realized this random guy was in the gc#but i ended up fitting it really well and especially got along with the guy i was most intimidated by#there was a discord server that was the REAL gc and wasnt in it#but there was a vote (using discord emote reacts) for if i was gonna be added or not#I didn’t know how to see who did what react on discord at the time so it was anonymous to me at first#the ones who voted no where ones i knew and they totally did it jokingly but i was afraid i was being too annoying and karen esc about it#anyways i got voted and everything went well#the server and group chat eventually got deleted due to drama to do this this girl who was only there cause she was this one guy’s gf#(She fucking sucked btw. like she was a white girl who made racism jokes. thats the kind of person she was)#(fun fact her and the guy she dated straight up met in a psych ward after he tried to kill himself)#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rsd
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trying to gather my thoughts on unruhe. something about this exchange is so vital to me…about how scully maybe isn’t as natural a seeker as mulder. about how her work as a pathologist is focused on “how” rather than “why”…whereas mulder’s profiling is the inverse. a woman is dead and a man killed her and no amount of probing the inner workings of his psyche, his dreams, his nightmares will remedy that situation. discovering the why doesn’t bring about any deeper sense of justice or peace. because really, no why could ever really explain the mundane horror of a woman’s abduction and murder. if anything, it just more starkly reveals the ugly simplicity of the human capacity for cruelty.
but i also love how later, she leans on the why. she channels mulder and his profiler brain. schnauz even picks up on it (“great. now they got you talking like sigmund freud,” in reference to him calling mulder freud during his interrogation). she asks him why he does it. why her. why this. why did his sister kill herself. why did his father do what he did. part of it’s to keep schnauz talking but it’s also another example of how she reaches for him, even metaphorically, in moments of fear and difficulty.
i also love how this episode, with its themes of unrest and strife and trouble, focuses on scully. mulder is usually the more restless character, always searching and seeking and chasing and moving. but scully is just as, if not maybe even more so. her mother’s remaining daughter. her father’s disappointment. a catholic to her bones, even as she lapses. a woman in a man’s job. who imagines a life to be a husband and kids and big sunday dinners, but who can’t stop following the mad man in the basement. who always insists she’s fine, who locks it all away, who chafes and squirms and explodes in impulsive incendiary bursts. who is always always trying.
there are just some things we don’t or can’t look too deeply into. if god is real, or why the woman in front of us is dead. scully will dig and scrape for proof and explanations for many things, but some interrogations aren’t worth the effort, or the fear of what might be found. some things just are, and they’re too big to move or change or overcome. women die because men kill them. what the hell does it matter?
#the x files#does this say anything at all? you decide.#to me this is especially a specific moment that points out the difference is gender dynamic between mulder and scully#which is not to say that mulder fails to grasp the depth of vulnerability women particularly face - he often does#but there sometimes feels like there’s something a little more…academic? to his approach? as a profiler and an investigator#in the sense of like. seeking out reasons and building out the psyche of the perpetrator even once he’s caught#like there’s a woman lying dead on the road and her killers in custody so why are we talking about dreams and nightmares and psychic photos?#scully as a woman who has experienced gendered violence doesn’t need to go probing because this is how the world is#men kill women because they can.#there is something vital about living in a violent world as a woman that mulder cannot fully understand#idk if i’m articulating my thoughts on this clearly at all#like there’s so much here…the fact that it’s lobotomies…the loss of the mind and sense of self#and scully is or at least likes to think of herself as cerebral so that’s terrifying to contemplate#and then being confronted with how restless she is and refusing to look at it….#also i know at the end she says she sees the value in looking at why monsters do what they do in order to understand them#and ultimately stop them#but i think that still troubles her and#doesn’t come easily to her#IDK i’m just saying stuff ok bye
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and if i cried again?
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