#projecting onto him and giving him my trans ness

[stfu-im-thinking-abt-blorbo]

Why do I always give Kai so much gender, it makes me jealous

[outivv]

That stupid doctor and his stupid favoritism. His idiocy causes for you to have twice the work that normal just to keep up with his schedule on top of your own! You’re already Dottore’s assistant, but now you also have to go along to all his meetings, supervise new clones with him, sometimes go on trips with him, and do your own research. He truly thinks you can do it all, and have no problem either- but you’re not like him. You can’t casually make a fake god out of some trans boy and a chess piece, you don’t even know why he hired you for this job, you were kicked out of the akademiya for… poor grades, and then Dottore just scooped you up and gave you a job here. It’s baffling, really- but… to be fair the job pays well, and Dottore gives you special treatment. “Don’t touch that. It’ll melt your face off.” Dottore warns sternly, because if you were anyone else- he wouldn’t warn you.

“But what if I wanna be an odd, oblong goo face?” You say, almost smug as you look at Dottore- who promptly looks… disgusted.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s foolish, and a waste of your time.”

“But anything that makes me happy isn’t a waste of time in my opinion.”

“Would that really make you happy?”

“I dunno, would it?”

Dottore looks unimpressed. He just looks at you, and you can feel his annoyed glare from under his mask- especially as you play with the vile of face melting liquid. He can’t help the sigh that comes out of his mouth, getting a headache from you… damn you, and being his favorite. “Must you always be so difficult?” Dottore grumbles, his sharp teeth showing off for just a moment as he returns to what he’s doing. “I think you quite like my difficult-ness.” Your smug attitude is not helping the situation. “I mean, I heard from Pantalone that you asked for quite a large sum of money for a ‘gift’ of some sorts. Course, he wouldn’t tell me the details.” Fuck you caught onto him. Dottore curses, and mumbles under his breath something about that ‘stupid banker and his stupid fat mouth that won’t shut up for two goddamn seconds’. Yes, well- Pantalone is known as quite the gossiper and chitchatter, and you have tea with him on the weekends. Unbeknownst to Dottore.

The sigh that escapes him again is one of defeat, and would put any other person into a coffin just at how frustrated he sounds too. “Yes? What if it?” Oh, now look at Dottore trying to be all nonchalant about it, well- luckily for you… you’re nosey. “I heard it’s a new creation, hm?” You say, examining your nails a bit, before your eyes flicker up to the doctor, and he just taps his fingers against the table in… such fucking annoyance. “Mhm. I usually go to Pantalone for funding. This time was no different.” Dottore says, acting like he’s not about to explode- but he could never do that to his favorite assistant. “Did you not hear me when I said that Pantalone specified that it was a gift?” Your snark is gonna get you nowhere yet… everywhere with Dottore, as he pushes away from the table he was standing at, and starts walking away. “Come now.” He beckons, not even looking back, but soon hearing the tap of your shoes following him. You simply go over to Dottore’s main workbench, and he sits down- pulls almost a billion little things out of drawers, and then… he assembles a box.

“What’s this?” You say, just curious, really. “Well you open it, and you look inside.” Oh, now he’s gonna be snarky back with you, huh? You roll your eyes, before gently lifting the lid of the box, and you’re disappointed to find a music box. How cliché of him. As if expending that, Dottore gently slides the box over to himself, simply twists the knob and then… a whole projection appears. The room, turns to an elegant ballroom, with figures dancing elegantly across the floor, and with you and Dottore in the middle. You’re stunned, shocked… other words for surprised- and you reach out to try and touch one of the projected people. Your fingers go right through them, until Dottore reaches out through the person, and grabs your hand.

“At the last… fatui event, I noticed you were rather… shaken up. I assumed it was because of the people, considering you seem most comfortable around the lab even when it’s just the two of us. No segments, no people, no distractions. And now, it’s the same in the ballroom…” Dottore says, taking his mask off, and nearly holding his breath as he looks down at you. Dottore has never been a man that you’ve known to be nervous, let alone reveal his thoughts to you in any way… he’s always been some kind of enigma, but that’s probably because he pretends to be this complicated man of extreme power and science. Now, he seems like something simpler, with his red eyes staring at you, as if begging for you to approve- and express some kind of gratitude. He’s arrogant, but even he needs validation.

“Dottore… this is fucking insane.” Is all you can say, you your hand ends up holding his, so… he’ll assume that it’s good? “That’s what people usually say to me.” He says, almost… playful?! Who the hell is this man and what has he done with Dottore who you one time saw eating straight up mayonnaise out of the container. “I mean, when you have elaborate ideas like this, I suppose I wouldn’t blame them.” You mumble, curiously looking at Dottore. What’s his aim here? What does he want from you? What is he trying to get. Before your mind can ask too many internal questions, Dottore clears his throat, and closes the music box, making the projection stop in the blink of an eye. “Well, there? Satisfied with knowing your gift before you were supposed to even get it? Brat.” Dottore says, almost angry, while he glares at you- and puts his mask back on. “Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you, this is my favorite gift I’ve ever gotten…” you genuinely say, holding the box as Dottore practically shoves it into your arms and he starts dismissively walking off. He pretends to not hear you, but you can see the burning red of his ears. Damn him and his favoritism towards you.

[mediocre-noodle]

im gonna send the character cast rq uhhmm ye

resistance

dallas (you know this guy!!! this dude!!!)

Alibi - The Jester/“Zinnia”. all pronouns. literally,, when i was thinking of the identities to give xym, i just wrote down “whoops! all gender” and i think that says a lot about rot. trans, nonbinary, pangender, pansexual, asexual, panromantic. AuDHD (autism + ADHD).

heavily implied to be in a relationship with dallas during walls arc and up to their death in the wilds arc. its all i think about. however idk how to define it. idk if theyd be in a queer-platonic relationship (which is the only one i’d give bc im projecting onto dallas and dallas is the same flavor of aroace i am). i also feel like they wouldnt use a label. theyd just be like “we are best friends. we would live for each other. we would die for each other.” maybe some kind of alterous attraction but i wouldnt know— im quoiromantic/nebularomantic (aromantic microlabels). so since i cant think of it, its just gonna be like unlabeled but Its There and its FUCKING OBVIOUS LMAO (it gets worse when i imagine the scene of: alibi bleeding out in dallas’ arms as they scream for a medic among the screaming crowd, trying not to get trappled by people scrambling for safety from the royal forces. dallas is applying pressure to the wound like skip told them. why isn’t it working? why is it not working—?!) (dallas just turned 16 two months ago. alibi was only 3 months older.)

they wouldnt actually have their title of The Jester unless i tweak some things bc those titles are from the rebellion arc, which alibi had already died and wouldnt be there for. the flower titles do have meanings though. theyre from my floriography book, i can pull it out and share if you like?

it’s legal name is charlemane, but they actually don’t mind it. dallas would call them charlie in serious moments.

Asmodae - The Shield/“Cypress”. legal name: raelynn marie hellings. she/her. cis, lesbian. autism.

largely inspired by astrid from HTTYD! the badass-ness!! the take no shit!! the snark!!! while still being kind!! aaHHABAHHS! now that i think about it, also a lil bit of natasha vibes.

they are always down to fight and WILL fuck you up. they are the protector. they are the one to confront the bully and be like “what did you say about my sibling?!”

Juno - The Dahlia. legal name: june absidee goldborne. they/she/fae. genderfae. idk their romantic + sexual orientation actually— i didnt think about it. autistic *vine boom* adhd *vine boom* anxiety *3 fast vine booms*. hispanic— one parent is something similar to mexican except mexico doesnt exist in this fictional world. i dont have a world map made. the walled-in city doesnt even have a name 😭 has either/both POTS or EDS (cant decide). uses forearm crutches and sometimes a wheelchair!

hella good sniper. the long range fighter of the group. fae is very sweet and hyper-empathetic. instead of being shy, they’re just awkward (relatable)

she’s also known as The Black Dahlia. can unassemble and reassemble a gun in *really fast time idk i dont touch guns*. mercenaries wish they were as good as them when it came to guns.

Skip - “Clematis”. legal name: silas (no last name made). he/him. cis, bisexual. autistic.

THE OLDER BROTHER YOU WISH YOU HAD. THAT I WISH I HAD. AUGH. (RIP skip actually imagine getting tortured— huh what? did i say something? :3)

he jokes around a lot, hes snarky, hes sassy, hes sarcastic, hes caring, hes protective, hes— *chokes on air*

hes the one that gave dallas the name/title striker. hes the adult that believed in dallas (older by like,, 7 or so years i think)

The Family/The Eyes

dallas!!! wooah!!

Aji (ahgee - ă-jē) - The Apogee. any pronouns. literally agender. panromantic asexual. AuDHD.

it normally takes the form of a human teenager or child. xey are older than one could imagine, as they were created when the first world came to fruition.

many actually have a betting pool on how old she is. none of them are winning.

he is very parental tbh -> “no. no, aji. we can’t take in another kid.” “BUT LOOOOKKKKK! THEY WERE ABANDONED AS A SACRIFICE TO THEIR MORTAL GODS— CMONNNNN PLEASEEEE *puppy dog eyes*” “ugh fineeeee”

seraphina! nicknamed sheriff by dallas (seraph said weird). she/they. panromantic lesbians.

as i mentioned, their backstory is dallas’ OG one— er,, a few details of it.

backstory ->

she was like. an amalgamation tbh. mostly human but has enough elf genes to perform minor spells. but then was kidnapped and was experimented on and grew wings when she was still alive. (they stuck into her death and then her ascension where she grew a total of 6 wings. thats the common wing amount for those in The Syzygy.)

there was a trafficking ring for people who were experimented on. she was one of the only older kids in the ring (that survived) so they were babysitting and im :[[[ aWHg my heart

she was sold to a wealthy rich man. the angel from original poem. the angel that saved them is Apogee? probably. or one of the Five. (these are the details from the poem) (since writing the notes ive decided its most likely aji or dallas)

Memphis. they/she/he/it. agender + pansexual. AUTISMM BRR BRR BRRR where da hoes at (/ref)

no backstory or anything theyre still new but OhhOho My goD tehyre. zjsnsjsnntheyre so pretyt theyr Hot- theyre AHHWHSB /p.

RAHHHHHHHHH

these guys look SOO COOL!!!!!!! i want to befriend tgem ALL……….. im obsessed with aji’s design :000000

i want to give them all a big ol hug

[thermodynamic-comedian]

tsp narrator design!!

yes, i finally made my own narrator design. (click for better quality)

a pretty standard human(oid) narry design, but i decided to give him what i call radio eyes for a lil' razzle dazzle-

also, big shoutout to @spantas for the idea of trans narry,, look at them!! it has no concept of gender!! he needs no gender!!

also yes im projecting my gnc-ness and hyperverbality onto a fictional disembodied british voice JUST LET ME HAVE THIS OK- /hj

anyways, what do yall think of him? /lh

[suzyundertale]

Non-binary characters in Undertale and Deltarune

A lot of people don’t notice this, but there are several major characters in Undertale that are referred to exclusively with they/them pronouns. In this post, I’ll go over them, and I’ll explain why so many non-binary people identify with them.

Napstablook and Monster Kid

Both Napstablook and Monster Kid are referred to only with they/them pronouns. This suggests that they are non-binary.

Of course, even with characters being exclusively referred to with they/them, there will be people who say it’s intentionally “ambiguous”, or an oversight, or what have you.

Fortunately, we have definitive evidence this isn’t the case.

In the first printing of the official Undertale art book, featuring commentary from Toby Fox himself, these two characters were mistakenly referred to with he/him pronouns.

However, when this was pointed out to Toby, he told me that it was a typo and it would be fixed in the next run - which it promptly was.

This serves as confirmation that referring to these two with he/him pronouns is incorrect, and they/them are the correct pronouns.

Frisk

Frisk is the protagonist and player character of Undertale. It’s worth noting that, for the majority of Undertale, you’re definitely supposed to think that Frisk is a player self-insert character, a blank slate for you to project yourself onto. You’re tricked into thinking you name them, and they have an ambiguous skin color and gender.

However, in the True Pacifist ending, it’s revealed that they have their own name: Frisk.

This reveal also serves as a reveal that Frisk isn’t you, or an in-game representation of you. They’re their own person. They’re a character that exists within this universe. It’s always been just them. Not you or anyone else.

I mean, why would a character who’s meant to be “you” have their own name? Toby never calls Frisk “Frisk” in merchandise or interviews, simply calling them “The Human”, because their name is a major spoiler for the True Pacifist ending. It’s quite easy to only call them “The Human”, he has no trouble doing it now, so if they’re meant to be “you”, there’s no reason to give them a name at all.

In the True Pacifist ending, after Asriel returns everyone’s SOULs, everyone magically learns Frisk’s name (except Napstablook, who closed their blinds upon seeing the flash of light.) Suddenly, everyone knows who Frisk is.

And… all of their friends still use they/them pronouns for them.

If they’re clearly meant to be not you, then surely it would be easier for Toby to hammer in that point by suddenly having everyone refer to Frisk with different pronouns. But he doesn’t, because Frisk isn’t a girl or a boy. Because the monsters were never wrong to use they/them for Frisk. Those were always their pronouns, and they still are.

Chara

Chara is the character we name at the beginning of Undertale. However, this doesn’t mean that they literally are you.

Chara has their own backstory - they had a family, they had likes and dislikes. They’re not meant to be an in-game representation of the player. If they were, there’s about a million better ways Toby could have done that. Like, you know, not giving them a clearly defined backstory and personality. Why would someone who’s supposed to be “the player” be so… different from so many people? A lot of people don’t like chocolate or flowers or knives. Actually, I’d guess that most people don’t like all of those things at once. But Chara does.

In any case, Chara is referred to exclusively with they/them or, occasionally, it/its pronouns. Their own brother, Asriel - their best friend and undoubtedly the person they were closest to -  uses only they/them pronouns when speaking of them.

Kris

From the very beginning of Deltarune, it’s made very clear that Kris is NOT a self-insert of any kind, even more clear than Frisk and Chara. Whether you believe the red SOUL is literally the player or not, Kris is clearly their own person fighting against someone for control of their body. They have their own clearly defined personality, likes and dislikes, etc. I really don’t think there’s any way to reasonably argue that Kris is meant to be a representation of the player. You don’t get to choose anything about them. Their personality, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, their past, all of that is set in stone.

So why, then, would their gender be up to player interpretation? Why would that be the one single thing we get to decide about Kris? It, quite simply, does not make any sense.

Seam

Seam is a lot less obvious than the other ones - but if you play through Deltarune, you might notice something about all the dialogue where people refer to Seam.

Seam is never referred to with any pronouns. The way it’s written seems very deliberate, in my opinion, so I don’t think that this is a coincidence. 

In the real world, some non-binary people elect to use no pronouns, as well, and ask to be only referred to by name. Seam may be representation for this. Honestly, I think it’s really great of Toby to include a character that doesn’t use pronouns. All the other non-binary characters in Undertale and Deltarune use they/them, but that’s not always the case for real non-binary people. In real life, non-binary people can use all sorts of pronouns, or no pronouns at all.

At first it may seem confusing or difficult to not use any pronouns to refer to someone. But if you reread this section, you’ll notice I’ve never used any third-person pronouns. It took a bit of thinking, but it’s actually quite easy once you get used to it!

--

Kris, Frisk, and Chara are never explicitly stated to be non-binary. That’s true. Some people make the argument that because it’s never explicitly stated, it can’t be canon. That is not true at all. To demonstrate this, I will use an example from Undertale.

Take Alphys. From the Mettaton Quiz Show segment of Undertale, we can learn that Alphys has a crush on both Undyne, a woman, and Asgore, a man. Therefore, Alphys is canonically bisexual. Alphys herself never states that she is bisexual. No one else ever says that Alphys is bisexual. In fact, the word “bisexual” is never used once in Undertale at all. But Alphys being bisexual is still canon.

Therefore, it’s possible for Kris, Frisk, and Chara to be canonically non-binary without it ever being outright stated.

But why? Wouldn’t it be easier for Toby to explicitly state it? Sure, maybe it would be easier to write - but that doesn’t mean it’s better writing. Finding a way to somehow mention a character’s gender would most likely come across as forced and unnatural. After all, most people don’t openly discuss their gender or sexuality in everyday situations.

So, Kris doesn’t need to explicitly say “I’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns” to be a character who is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns. They just… are. The same goes, of course, for Frisk and Chara.

They’re only ever referred to with they/them pronouns by close friends and family, and we’re given no reason to believe they’re anything other than non-binary. There’s absolutely no reason to use any pronouns other than they/them for these characters.

If you meet someone in real life, and notice that everyone around you is only using they/them pronouns for that person… well, it’s pretty safe to assume that person is non-binary. Even if you never hear anyone say “This Person Is Non-binary”, you don’t have an excuse to start calling them a he or a she. It’s the same with the kids.

The fact is that Frisk and Kris are no different than other video game protagonists. No one tries to argue that Ninten or Ness or Lucas are girls. No one tries to argue that Samus is a boy. It’s only when the protagonist is non-binary that people try to argue otherwise.

Why?

Some people may ask, well, why is this important? Why can’t I just headcanon them as whatever I want? They’re not even real!

Well, you see, non-binary characters are really rare in fiction. Especially as a protagonist, and especially a human protagonist. When you see a non-binary or genderless character in fiction, it’s usually going to be something non-human, like an alien, or otherwise non-sentient, like a robot. This happens a lot, and it dehumanizes actual non-binary people. Even worse, transgender characters in fiction in general are often treated like jokes, or something to make fun of. Like they’re not even a person.

So, to a non-binary person, to see a non-binary protagonist who’s a human being, like them, is.. very important. It’s something you might not understand if you’ve grown up seeing people like yourself on TV or in games or books all the time. It brings comfort to non-binary people to see someone like themself in such a popular video game. It gives them reassurance that “yes, we do exist”, as many people in the real world deny the existence of non-binary people. In both Undertale and Deltarune, no one makes a big deal of Frisk or Chara or Kris being non-binary. No one ever challenges it. No one ever misgenders them. And that’s incredibly comforting for so many non-binary people. For once, for once, they can be immersed in a world where people like them are unanimously accepted, and treated with respect.

That’s why so many non-binary people feel hurt when they see people in fandom misgendering the kids, as well. It’s a denial of their identities, it’s a denial that non-binary people exist in the Undertale and Deltarune universes. Even though it’s just a fictional character, it can still impact your view of actual non-binary people - if you can’t even respect a fictional character’s pronouns, what does that say about how you treat real people?

In addition, a lot of trans and non-binary people in the Undertale fandom are harassed over this. When they try to defend Kris, Frisk, and Chara’s pronouns, people will inevitably throw hate at them. People who identify with these characters are met with mockery and hostility. Unfortunately, there are transphobic people in the Undertale fandom. Misgendering the kids validates those people. It tells those people, “even if someone uses only they/them pronouns, it’s okay to call them a he or a she.” It tells them, “you’re right to think these people are unreasonable. you’re right to think these people don’t exist.” And that’s wrong. That’s not true at all.

[tearlessrain]

1, 18, 26, 27, 31, 38, 42, 46

1. Animated character that was your gay awakening? okay so this is actually a tough question for me because honestly my gender AND sexual orientation have been an absolute mess from day one without any help, but overall I think I’m going to dump almost 100% of that burden on disney’s peter pan, and subsequently every single other version of peter pan. not because I had a crush on him as a kid, as apparently a lot of people I know did, but because I projected massively onto peter pan for my entire childhood and if nothing else he’s definitely intrinsically involved with my overall trans-ness. and actually now I think about it, as an adult I do very specifically tend to go for dark, long-haired, flamboyant, affably villainous types who could and might stab me with a literal sword, so maybe the story as a whole was more of a gay awakening than I give it credit for. so yeah maybe the real answer to this question is captain hook. reading Peter Darling was a fucking trip though, I can tell you that much.

18. What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? Unfortunately... I do still have genuine love for the Robot Lions In Space Show. it’s got robot lions and elves and cat people and they’re all in space, can you blame me?

26. You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? Pomegranate. it’s delicious and also because of the color/consistency I feel like an aristocratic vampire whenever I drink it.

27. What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? scifi/fantasy. sometimes to find new books and sometimes to see what nonsensical covers are on the asimov collection this time.

31. What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? in terms of like, day-wear clothing clothing? I dunno that I have one, if I really want to wear something I will find a reason, up to and including a full-on ruffly red poet shirt that I’ve unironically worn to the salon more than once. everything else is just like. ren fair/costume/miscellaneous specific event things that I want to wear more because I want to go to more things that I can wear them to. wearing a fur kilt and prosthetic gryphon claws to the grocery store just isn’t the same (ngl though if quarantine goes on much longer I might start).

38. Favorite mid-2000s song there’s no possible way I can pick because I love music from the mid 2000s as a whole, but measuring purely on the merit of how strongly I vibed with it when I was fifteen, I’m going with New Divide by Linkin Park, with the admittedly incongruous runner-up of Black Fox by Heather Dale (which barely edges out several Ke$ha songs). needless to say I was insufferable as a teenager.

42. A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving Okay so before we got the bluetooth speaker and I was able to torment my classmates with star wars cantina music, the music in my cosmo school’s salon was dictated entirely by a very broken ipad that could only play three pandora stations that all had like a dozen top 40s songs that just cycled on repeat. and I am really not into the top 40s right now, is what I mainly learned, but after like the fifty-seventh time hearing pillow talk by zayne I was like ��actually I’m kinda into this one, it can stay” and I’ve liked it ever since. even though the ipad got stolen one day and I never heard the song again after that.

46. What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? costco tamales, baby!!! especially during avocado season.

[jingleboy]

i really wanna hear your headcannons for trc!

oh boy okay here we go then! ill just go thru the gangsey i guess lol 

noah (i have the most for him) 

hes very physically and emotionally affectionate when he has the energy to be (i.e. mostly when blue is around)

he is REALLY BIG on saying “i love you” (see my last post lol). he says it to literally everyone, no matter what happens. if gansey gets hims omething from the store he’ll say “this is why i love you”, if ronan has a nightmare noah comforts him by saying he loves him, etc. 

he loves kissing! he kisses his friends on the cheeks, kisses some of them straight on the mouth and its always in a totally platonic way, even if it sometimes doesn’t come off as it 

big on pda, likes to embarass the others (with their consent of course)

he totally does that thing where he puts his cold ass hands on the back of people’s necks 

he still loves skating, even though it Should bring up bad memories. he knows how to do all the tricks 

he’s a mega bisexual, rivaling only adam in sheer bisexual-ness. 

on his ghosty days the entire of monmouth manufacturing ends up with glitter in random places where he tries to manifest himself throughout the day

blue 

she EXCLUSIVELY shops at thrift stores and makes whoever is nearby go with her, its her go to bonding experience 

when she takes gansey its the best, he finds thrift stores quaint and can occasionally find things that he wants at them

blue teases him bc hes literally an old man. hes wearing and old guys tweed jacket as we speak 

adam likes going sometimes, but he almost never buys things for himself in order to save money. if he find something cheap that he likes he might treat himself once a month 

ronan acts like he hates it, but will go with her once in a while (usually if adam or gansey is going with her) and mopes around, but sometimes buys things for adam that he thinks he’d like 

noah LOVES thrift shopping. he has no need to buy clothes (and no money to buy them with anymore), but sometimes he finds trinkets he really likes and shows them off excitedly to blue 

she gives the best hugs and is the most comforting member of the gangsey, everyone loves her. even ronan. even if he denies it. (i’m a HUGE fan of ronan and blue’s friendship) 

going off of that, ronan and her hang out a lot because they have a lot of things in common but ALSO they like to piss off gansey by telling him they had tons of fun without him (which they did)

ronan 

unsurprisingly, i headcanon him as a super unapologetically trans/gay person (i love projecting myself onto characters hyuuuuuu) 

he loves putting things in the barn that remind him of his friends 

he has mint plants that never go bad to remind him of gansey, clothes blue made for him, snow globes that remind him of noah, and half of adam’s things are at the barns anyway. 

prefers to nap instead of sleep, less chance of dreaming something terrible up 

teaches chainsaw to speak, but ONLY swears and USUALLY only to gansey. 

he says i love you so much to her and to adam in her proximity that she picks that up too, but never says it to gansey 

tells gansey everything and would lay down his life before anything happened to him, but also will do this thing where he will say “dick” until gansey looks him directly in the eye and then very seriously say “you’re a disappointment” 

its his way of showing he cares 

h a n d  k i n k 

adam parrish is the light of his DAMN GAY LIFE (canon) 

this is the best, most canon post in the world

adam 

THE GOLDEN BOY WITH THE GOLDEN SMILE 

everyone who knows him falls in love with him and if you don’t the gangsey can’t trust you, sorry. 

he is loving it in college

joins his college’s GSA as a way to meet people, becomes famous in local circles because people say he can do magic 

his dorm is filled with plants and gifts from ronan 

ronan is also infamous in adam’s college, but no one’s ever met him 

his freckles make up constellations (ronan has the same ones hanging in his room at home) 

he can fix anything! hes the ultimate handyman! im so proud of him 

even later when he has money he still dresses like he did during the books. at that point its habit. plus he looks good in faded tshirts and secondhand levis

gansey 

i have very little headcanons for this old man, im sorry gansey 

hes already extra enough without my headcanons 

hes fake bullied a lot by the rest of the gansey but if someone else were to say anything about them they would fight on sight 

lastly my favorite pairings are pynch and blue/gansey/noah and i LOVE the gray man and i HATE joseph kavinsky. 

[caustic-light]

I have been enabled to ramble.

Since you didn’t ask anything specific I’ll just kinda go through my gender troubles bc it’s a little messy. So pretty much as soon as I found out about and come into contact with trans and enby ppl I started questioning in the back of my head on wether I may be enby, at that point thinking most likely agender. And eventually I tried out to go with that and I liked it because it felt like it took away some of the feeling of being tied up in a box. I temporarily went with he/they instead of just he/him in english online spaces and I liked the validation it gave me, but noticed as time went on that people calling me by they/them felt more distant, like there was some barrier that they/them put up. So I dropped it and went just with he/him. Then I became confronted with a lot of talk about how enbies are inherently trans, meant to combat exclusionists, but for me it made me feel like an imposter because I didn’t wanna identify as trans or resonate with the label. So I dropped it entirely for about a year thinking I must be cis if I’m not trans.

Then at some point it occured to me that I still feel gender troubles and don’t like identifying as cis and I gradually went back to some loosely defined form of enby, without the agender label and with a lot of “I don’t know.” I got very opposed to the idea of having to sort myself in either a cis or a trans box, but kept the enby label out of spite because by that time I was a little better at dealing with imposter syndrome I guess? Then at a later point I not exactly found out bc I knew before, but kind of realized that nonbinary men exist. Before then I only ever heard of nb women and somehow my brain never connected that nb men are also just as possible until I encountered some ppl identifying like that. And it gave me something I never had before, which was being able to enjoy masculinity and the comfort of manhood but also have the freedom of being nb. And I went with that for a while and it felt really good, but I still didn’t want the trans label, for one out of imposter syndrome and spite still because people kept telling me I must be trans if I’m enby. And then this summer two things happened that finally cracked my egg on the trans label. One was Luca coming out and me connecting incredibly hard to Alberto and also absolutely adamantly falling in love with the headcannon of him being trans. Which kinda told me something is there, because it was not the first time I experimented with identity by feeling compelled to project them onto a character that resonates with me. The other was being at pride and seeing a bunch of trans men and boys wrapped in trans flags and having just a visceral fucking feeling of wanting that too, which confused me a lot because I was already a man and the whole gender deviance I experienced was to get away from that. At that point my identity was a balancing act between the freedom but alien-ness of enby and the comfort and home, but suffocating idea of being a man.

And I realized that what I had such strong feelings about was the ability to move towards manhood on my own terms and to give manhood a meaning that is only for me and doesn’t lock me up in a box. And that kinda made me realize that I am trans after all and I’m moving towards a manhood that I’m constructing for myself and that I get to define the terms of.  And the man I am is not the same gender at all as the binary man that society defines. It’s an expression of me as a person and while it’s connected to the man box society has, as it overlaps with a lot of the experiences, feelings and aesthetics, specifically those that I encountered in my own life, it is as distinct as any two genders can be. I started seeing enby-ness not as a gender for me, but as a framework that allowed me to move to a gender that has both the freedom and the comfort. An enabler that never needed to be a gender for me, I just needed it to pul me out of the box to be able to make my own gender. And this was enough of a ramble, but if you have any questions, go ahead.

By the way, I absolutely believe that amab people can be transmasculine, idk what this fucking gatekeeping is.