#progress is slow but they’re getting a lil closer every day

[zinzinina]

Aah thank you and @samspenandsword for the tag! 💕 This is a super cute one.

Tagging: @jangofettswife @bacarasbabe @arthurmorganstinkydick @ohheyitsokay @mandaloriandin @0celestialbitch0 and anybody else who’d like to play x

brb doing this picrew bc it’s adorable! when you click the “?” button, you can be linked to a straight size version of this picrew!!

tagging @saradika @galacticgraffiti @ashotofspotchka @zinzinina @thefact0rygirl and anyone who wants to do this!

[animeomegas]

MY FELLOW ANON ARE VIOLATING MY EMOTIONS TODAY 😂 god I’m acc crying. Your writing is amazing. I’m gonna combat the sadness with a wholesome thing of them finding a pup in a bin (or something) a few months after the loss of the first pup (Neji is currently shut down entirely) is like “lol gimme”. Proceeds to take the pup home, put it in his nest scent the lil bean (gender is your choice) and just be like “yeah this mine now”. Any nay sayers are ignored bc it’s still his baby (maybe almost like his pup reincarnated 👀👀) regardless of how baby was obtained. Idk I just think my guy needs some positivity after life kicking the ever loving shit out of him

This is beautiful and you’re right, Neji deserves the world, but I’ll settle with a quiet life and some happiness for my boy!

Okay, so things haven’t been…good with Neji since you had to let your pup die to save him.

It has been two months and still he lays in his nest every day, sometimes crying, sometimes whining, but mostly just staring at nothing. He had incorporated a bunch of baby stuff (blankets, toys etc.) into his nest before he went to the hospital, in order to make his pup feel more at home in the nest when he was supposed to bring them back. You had tried to take them out to stop him having to be confronted with what happened in his safe space, but Neji almost attacked you for doing so, so you let him keep them.

But it’s very concerning when he spends hours at a time just stroking the pup's blankets and staring at nothing.

So, you decide to take Neji on a walk to get him out of the house. It would be his first time leaving the house since the funeral.

You go at night time, because Neji is still refusing any contact with anyone he knows and this way he’s less likely to be confronted when he isn’t ready for it. To make extra sure that you can be alone, you decide to walk around the edge of the woods around one of the quieter training grounds.

Neji doesn’t speak much, but he doesn’t whine or cry either, and the night air brings a little colour to his cheeks, and you’re so happy at the small improvements. It doesn’t matter how long it ends up taking him to feel better, you’ll be here with him the whole way.

…

“I was thinking about cooking something special next week,” you make idle conversation, not expecting Neji to reply. “It’s our anniversary after all, do you have any preference?”

Neji stops walking suddenly. His shoulders are tense.

“Neji?”

He hushes you harshly.

“I can hear…”

Without another word of warning, Neji makes his way a little further into the trees. You follow him, confused and worried.

“Byakugan!” he calls, scanning the area. He gasps as he scans over a nearby bush and immediately he drops to his knees beside it.

“Neji?” you ask, now more than a little concerned. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

You watch as Neji pulls something out of the bush. He turns around with a bundle in his arms.

“It’s a pup,” Neji says, obviously shocked. You can’t blame him, you’re feeling more than a little shocked yourself. What on earth was a pup doing out here? “They’re freezing. Give me your jacket.”

Without hesitance, you quickly slip your jacket of and hand it to Neji who promptly bundles up the pup in it and brings them to his chest. The pup is making small whimpering noises that had been almost impossible to hear over the wind. Neji must have hear them, thank goodness.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Neji coos to the pup. “You’re safe now, I'll take you home and make it better, I promise.”

“We need to get them to the hospital asap," you say, shaking your head. "They must be freezing and they look underweight as well. We’re not mednin, Neji.”

“Our home is closer.”

“Neji…”

“We need to make sure they’re warm,” he argues. “We can bring them home and alert a medic to make a home visit.”

You look at the earnest look on his face and know that he won’t back down, and now isn’t a time for arguments anyway.

“Okay,” you swallow nervously. “We’ll bring them home.”

…

You bring the pup back to your home and before you can protest, Neji brings them into his nest with a mumbled ‘they’ll be warm in there’.

Neji bundles himself and the pup up in the corner of the nest, turning on a little heater beside him, and tucking the pup into his shirt to share body warmth.

“We’ll get you nice and warm, it’s okay, you’re safe, I won’t let anyone harm you,” he whispers while stroking their cheek with a finger. The pup wriggles around, already looking more energetic, and starts mouthing at Neji’s chest.

“Are you hungry?” Neji laughs softly before turning to you. “Go and heat up a bottle for the pup, all the supplies are in the… the nursery.”

You nod dumbly and do as you’re asked, astounded at how much life is in Neji’s eyes. It’s the most life you’ve seen from him in months. But you can’t help but worry. What if Neji gets attached and you can’t keep the pup? Of course, you want nothing more than to keep the baby, it almost seems too good to be true that she literally fell into both your lives at this trying time, but what if it is too good to be true? What if they’re sick? Or their parents are looking for them? Or… something else. Neji doesn’t deserve another heartbreak, and you don’t want to destroy the small amount of progress he’s made in the last month.

But for now, all you can do is heat up the bottle.

…

“Here, it’s a good temperature, I already checked,” you pass Neji the bottle. He checks it again anyway and you can’t help but smile at how overprotective and parental he's being. It's so bittersweet to see him like this.

“Here you go sweetheart, just for you,” Neji smiles, cradling the pup as they latch onto the bottle with fervour. “Shh, shh, shh, slow down, it’s not going anywhere.”

Neji feeds the pup and then burps them, and you pretend you can’t see him smiling when he notices that they are starting to smell like him. You need to know you can keep her before you let him get even more attached.

“I’m going to send a clone for a medic, now.”

The room became tense all at once.

“They’re fine, I’m looking after them,” Neji protests.

“I know, and you’re doing a good job, but we still need a medic, Neji.”

Neji holds the pup more tightly to his chest, tucking an extra blanket around them. He's using the special blanket you had got commissioned for your pup. You can feel your heart break at the sight. He's already attached. Now you just have to hope you can keep them. For his sake.

“I don’t want them to take the pup away like last time,” Neji admits softly. "I can look after them, I won't let anything happen like last time, I promise. They'll be safe, we don't need a medic."

“We need to know their primary and secondary gender, omega, and we need to make sure they aren’t sick after being left in the woods…”

Neji hesitates but nods his consent in the end after you explain that your pup could become ill if left untreated. You don’t tell him that you are also sending a clone to the Hokage. Naruto will be able to grant you and Neji the right to keep the pup, and you hope that as Neji’s friend, he’ll be able to see how much he needs this.

…

You have to move Neji and the pup downstairs to wait for the medic, because Neji would not appreciate someone unknown seeing his nest he made for his pup. He’s not expecting Naruto to show up as well so you go to the door to intercept and prep them both.

“Thank you so much for coming, Naruto, I can’t tell you how much this means to me and Neji,” you say, hugging him as he walks through the door.

“I’m going to do everything I can,” he promises. “If the medic finds signs of long-term neglect, I can take the parental rights away from the biological parents straight away, even if I don't know who they are, and transfer you the rights.”

Your face visibly brightens, but Naruto continues.

“But if the only injuries are from laying in the forest for a few hours, I’ll have to try and find the parents first, because the child may have been taken from them by force, when the pup was otherwise a healthy baby being looked after sufficiently. In that circumstance, I’ll have to take the child back with me and put them in foster care until a three-month window has passed. And if the parents are found…”

“I know,” you sigh. “Let’s just get this done as soon as possible.”

The three of you walk into the living to see Neji cradling the pup tightly against his chest.

“Hey Neji,” Naruto greets softly with a sad smile. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.”

Neji tenses upon seeing Naruto.

“Naruto? Why are you here?” Neji clearly misinterprets the situation, holding the pup even more tightly and turning accusatory eyes against you. “Why did you bring him here?”

“I’m here to determine whether the pup was abandoned or kidnapped to the best of my abilities, once we have that done, we can decide how things are going to happen, okay?”

“How do you decide that?” Neji asks with distrustful eyes.

“The medic will give them a check-up, completely routine, I promise,” Naruto speaks with a soft voice like he’s talking to a cornered animal. Well, you look at Neji for a moment who is coiled as tightly as spring, he’s not far off.

It takes about five minutes for you to convince Neji to let go of the pup and hand them to the mednin, and then the next fifteen minutes involve you holding him in your arms to stop him wrestling the pup back from the mednin.

And then, rather ominously, the mednin pulls Naruto aside to talk.

Neji is shaking in your arms.

“It’s okay, calm down, Neji,” you try to comfort him.

“I can’t-“ Neji chokes, hands fisting in your shirt. “He has our pup, you let them take our pup.”

You don’t bother to correct him on his use of ‘our’, knowing it would only upset him more.

“I know baby, but they need to see that they’re healthy, nothing’s wrong, just breathe.”

Neji doesn’t take your advice.

"Last time they took them-"

"This isn't like last time, omega. Come one, try and settle down a little, that's it."

...

Naruto eventually walks back in, holding the pup securely, the mednin nowhere to be seen.

“So,” Naruto says seriously. And then his face breaks out into a wide grin. “Am I right in thinking you want to adopt?”

You can almost feel your relief in the air. Thanking every power that be for this stroke of luck. Losing this pup could have easily meant losing your mate, and the gravity of the situation all comes crashing down at once. Neji looks as though he is feeling much the same.

“Give me them,” he orders, arms out.

“Her,” Naruto corrects. “The mednin said she’s a female alpha.”

Tears start welling up in Neji’s eyes as he takes her. Their bio pup was a female alpha, too.

“Thank you,” he whispers to no one, holding his new pup as tightly as he dared. “I’ve got you now, you’re safe and sound with me, I won’t let anything hurt you ever again.”

Naruto slips out of the house without a fuss, dropping the mednin’s recommendations for feeding the underweight pup on the coffee table.

...

You and Neji take your new pup upstairs and bundle her back into the nest. Neji lays down with her, stroking her cheek as he watches her sleep.

“You need to get some rest too, omega,” you suggest, running a hand down Neji’s back.

“Guard?” he asks in response.

“Yes," you smile at his protective instincts. "I’ll guard the nest while you sleep, I promise.”

“Okay, alpha…” Neji settles down, still with one hand resting on the pup. “But if I don’t wake up when she cries, wake me… I want to be the one to feed her.”

You laugh gently, “Of course, now get some sleep. I’ll guard you both.”

[therappundit]

Top 10 Rappers of 2020

The finish line of this long, surreal year is finally upon us...which means that it’s time for me to throw down the gauntlet in the ‘Best of 2020’ frivolous list race!  🙌

*Just to be clear*: this is a list of MCs who I believe turned in the best overall performances in 2020. ***This is NOT a list of the my top 10 favorite MCs***, or even who I believe to be the best MCs in the world at the moment...these are simply dope artists that put forth the strongest, most consistently interesting and important (to the genre) high-quality work in the perilous year that was 2020. 

If you think your favorite MC was slighted....well, Michael Jordan is the greatest to ever play the game of basketball but even he didn’t win MVP every year, right? I encourage you to write your own list - it’s a cool way to dap artists that are too often overlooked by industry websites, and share the music you enjoy with others that may not have given the record a spin otherwise.

Even if 2020 didn’t bring you the “instant classic” you had been hoping for, I think it’s hard to deny that this year really had impressive depth when it came to showcasing some of the most diverse music that the genre has to offer.  I can’t speak for music in general - sadly I’m just The Rap Pundit, not The Music Pundit - but I can say that it has been an impossible task to keep a playlist less than 500 songs deep at a time, because for every truly great release in 2020 there seemed to be 30 very good releases. 👌

So how did I come about these 10 MCs (and Honorable Mentions)? Before you get huffy about who I snubbed (and that is pointed directly at my jury of older head peers that consider themselves tastemakers, but also haven’t opened their minds up to any new takes on rap styles since the year 2000)...here are the five chief pieces of criteria that I put into finalizing my list:

- quality (whatever lane you’re in, how often did you ‘own it’?)

- quantity (at least 10 very good-to-great songs released, and 3-4 verses that stand out as a ‘must-hear’ for any rap music fan)

- consistency (not just 4-5 great features and a few forgettable solo tracks, will I want to keep at least 7 or 8 of your own new songs released in 2020 in my rotation for 2021?)

- impact (are you so vital to the type of rap music you make that if you stopped rapping tomorrow, there’s no one else in the game that could fill that void?)

- “it” factor (are you carried by a co-sign or an elite production team, or did you bring a style/talent to the table that could carry a record in and of itself?)

Got it? Then here we go...

1. Conway the Machine

I hope 2020 was the type of year that Conway the Machine had been hoping for since he first began his journey with rap music. After years of scraping and hustling towards music industry recognition (and not just cult figure status), at year’s end we see Griselda’s top Lieutenant holding down a rare balancing act: champion of underground hip-hop, and most requested feature by any mainstream rap star looking to add some tough-talking muscle to their album.

While much of Conway’s content has always been driven by surviving an attempt on his life in 2012, much like 50 Cent, Conway’s way with words and perspective manage to elevate the quality of his material to a higher tier than most. And where - at least in his heyday - 50 Cent benefited from an indestructible super-villain persona, Conway’s success can be greatly attributed to a larger-than-life heart.  With every braggadocious act of gunplay, there are moments of gratefulness to still being alive to share success with his brethren, as well as a painful longing to be with close allies that are no longer with him (at least not in the physical form).

Above all else, in 2020 Conway the Machine did what he has always done throughout his career: delivered well written, passionate bars about coming up in an impossibly challenging environment and coping with loss...only now his craftsmanship and understanding of how to channel all of those feelings into a more polished final product have yielded the most well-rounded solo project of his career in From King to a God. Progress is a slow process, but the long and winding road has finally taken Conway a step closer to that G.O.A.T. status he will hopefully continue to reach for...

Best Evidence: FKTG, and a countless number of scene-stealing verses alongside rap acts ranging from deep underground to household names

2. Freddie Gibbs

I don't use the word "sauce" all too often (this may actually be the first time), but if there was any MC guaranteed to bring sauce to any rap record right now, it's Freddie Gibbs. 

Forever existing somewhere between gritty gangsta and syrupy old soul, the flavor that Freddie brings to every verse is malleable enough to work on virtually any type of record, which was certainly proven in 2020. Anyone foresee a Gibbs & Alchemist Grammy nomination heading into 2020? It’s a testament to how high quality work, through consistent reliability and dues paid, can elevate a project from underground niche following to critical acclaim. While his work with Alchemist may not reach the lofty levels of his heralded collaborations with Madlib, Alfredo represents the best that “quarantine music” can offer...two talented friends saying one day, “hey we should finally drop a full tape together, why not?” - and then BOOM, it happens.

Too many fail to remember that Gibbs already has a long accomplished body of work behind him...so the fact that he may just be entering his prime now, is scary.

Best Evidence: Alfredo, Machinedrum’s “Kane Train”

3. Boldy James

Comeback MC of the year, and no it is not close (but big shout-out to Grafh, another dope MC who had an amazing year).

I'm old enough to remember when folks like Roc Marciano and Ka were seen as sleepy, monotone rappers with little hope of reaching permanent rap icon status (flash-forward to today, and they are widely consider geniuses). For some, the quieter, less hook-dependent approach to making rap songs, was....well, not great rap music. They were wrong then and they’re wrong now, but similar to how the coolest, smartest cat in the room is rarely the loudest, it can take some time and patience before everyone learns what’s what. Time is what is required to appreciate Detroit’s Boldy James, a veteran that has been through it - both in terms of the ups and downs of the music business, as well as the streets through which he draws his stories and inspiration.

Boldy makes it seem all too easy, rapping his verses with the cool, casual tone of telling old stories to a close friend over drinks. Dropping multiple projects (with one still to come) in one year can often lead to over-saturation. Even the most dedicated fans/stans can begin to feel less enthusiastic about new releases when they have already received a healthy portion of more of the same...but most rap fans are not necessarily Boldy James fans. Boldy fans (much like Roc Marciano and Ka fans) are already aware that knowing what type of material to expect from your favorite MC can be a blessing if that MC takes pride in the execution of the final product, rather than the noise leading up to it. 

The beauty of his collaboration with The Alchemist (big year for that guy, huh?), The Price of Tea in China, is that it celebrates the more subtle nuances of boom-bap, proving that great MC and producer chemistry can trump the “shock & awe” of more uptempo rap music. The shock in Boldy James’ lyrics sits within the detailed descriptions of the cold world he grew up in...so monotone or not, how can any music could be more gripping than that?

Best Evidence: TPOTIC, Manger On McNichols, a long list of consistently perfect feature verses

4. 42 Dugg

I would say this is more of a longterm investment rather than the celebration of a rapper already within rap’s inner circle, but 42 Dugg didn’t just steal the show on every feature this year, he also displayed maturity in his ability to craft well-rounded, high quality rap singles. I’m talking joints that work just as well on the street tape level as they would at the radio level. That is especially rare to see from a rapper that is still relatively new to national conversations. 

So much more than just a co-sign of Lil Baby and Yo Gotti, the Detroit eastsider has already proven that he can craft a full solo album with the swagger of a far more seasoned MC. 42 Dugg combines a Boosie-esque, "oh you think you’re better than me??” chip on his shoulder with the unpredictable bombast of Lil Wayne. What he may lack in punchlines he makes up for in musicianship, his voice bringing one of the most nimble touches to trap music that I have heard in a long time. 42 Dugg music is hard and soulful, with the natural hunger of a rapper that knows me might be one smash away from superstardom. By this time next year, I’m betting he will be. 

Best Evidence: Young & Turnt 2 (Deluxe), features on high profile records like Lil Baby’s “Grace” and “We Paid”, and a growing stream of attention grabbing solo loosies

5. Rome Streetz

In 2020 it was almost impossible to be an underground MC with a great project unless you landed a Rome Streetz verse. 

Rome has been bubbling for a while now, but in 2020 he unleashed an onslaught on the game. At times he seemed like the hardest working MC in underground circles, busting his ass to not only make as many appearances as possible, but also to own any song he guested on. He raps like every verse might be “the one” that gets him a huge contract, and that’s a level of hunger and consistency that will likely land him more than one huge contract someday. In spite of that laundry list of strong features, the young Brooklyn MC still managed to release multiple dope solo projects, all flashing a rap style that feels at once a throwback and the fresh voice NYC rap needs. 

Rome is clearly from the same school as many of the New York City greats, because he has the capacity to deliver dark, potent bars with the sharp intellect of a Harvard lecture (think AZ before “Sugar Hill”). While he sounds most at home when he’s rhyming over instrumentals that run more coldblooded than a horror flick, it’s easy to picture him popping up in more places in 2021...if that’s even possible.

Best Evidence: Noise Kandy 4, Kontraband, The Residue, and at least 50 incredible features with a who’s-who of the underground’s finest

6. Stove God Cook$

No one saw this coming....well, maybe Roc Marciano, Lord Jamar, Busta Rhymes and a few more NYC heads in the know - but I guarantee you, no one else saw the Stove God coming!

Bar for bar, no MC owned more rewind-worthy rap quotables in 2020 than Stove God Cook$. Dropping a solo debut with VERY little fanfare and zero features (apart from the steady, reliable guidance of Roc Marciano - low key one of hip-hop’s most reliable producers), a slow bubbling word of mouth campaign on social media eventually got Stove God verses exposed to more and more high profile ears. Such a grass roots campaign is rarely seen...I mean, a rap album slowly becoming a critical darling simply off the strength of more and more random folks discovering the music and Tweeting about it, as opposed to the buzz being calculated before the product??? It feels almost too good to be true these days, as early reviews of Reasonable Drought typically lead with something along the lines of, “hey, have you heard of this album? I have no idea who this is, but it is 🔥🔥🔥”

It has often been said that Roc Marciano has a lot of “sons” in the game, implying that Roc Marci gave birth to a style that a whole generation of underground MCs run with today. So it’s ironic (or perhaps highly appropriate?) that the next level of progression for Roc might be to have a protege, a young Jedi to carry on the tradition on Roc’s own terms, and become the next new star to be embraced by the old heads. But Stove God isn’t a clone of Roc, or anyone else, he’s simply one of the most exciting artists to hit the NYC underground in a generation. Everything from his word choice, to his fresh references and sense of humor, to his delivery and the way he structures his verses, feels like a collection of “firsts”, there’s simply no one sounding like him. And if his work in 2020 is any indication, he will continue to be in a league of his own for years to come.

Best Evidence: Reasonable Drought, spotlight snatching features alongside Roc Marciano and Griselda’s finest

7. Lil Baby

Once viewed by some as just another “Lil”, Lil Baby had been rollin’ coming into 2020, but by the end of 2020 it’s clear that he has arrived at the forefront of rap music’s most reliable hitmakers right now. 

A must-have feature on any rap album reaching for max exposure, Lil Baby’s dexterous flow, charisma, and pen that is significantly sharper than early reports indicated, made him one of the few shining stars in 2020 to consistently deliver good rap music to what in any other year would have been considered smash hits in any club.

What makes Lil Baby’s music standout is that he could easily be a “cookie cutter” MC, phoning in verse after verse just to get another check, but instead he continues to bring it - trying to squeeze in an extra catchy lyric, maybe flow in a way that breaks up a verse to make it stand out from the pack a little more - and even when he is featured over cookie cutter beats that sound like every other trap inspired beats that came before it, Baby seems eager to prove something. I think that’s what I like about him - he’s on a short list of mainstream-bred Young Thug disciples that seem to really want to put the work in to becoming one of the greats. 

Best Evidence: I mean...did any rap star have more songs in circulation this year? Dude was everywhere, but “The Bigger Picture” got his name officially into the lyricist conversation (even though personally I don’t even think it’s one of his more impressive records - at least not stylistically)

8. Westside Gunn

No one denies that the Griselda Records team had a banner year, yet somehow the vocal leader of the group managed to drop a handful of dope projects without receiving credit for being a great MC in his own right. Great artist, great album curator, great business man - sure, but great MC?? That credit is rarely given to the FLYGOD. He might not even understand how natural he is as a solo MC, waxing unpredictable flows and half-bars that stick in your mind in place of catchy hooks or predictable song structure. He might call himself an artist first, but I still call him one of the most prolific rappers today (regardless of whether he retires after the ball drops).

I can’t believe I have to tell rap fans this in the year 2020...but......you all know that message and punchlines are just part of the art of rapping, right...and not the only thing that defines who is a dope MC and who isn’t?? Play any solo cut from Westside Gunn and filter out the “doot-doot-doots” and stream of conscious hooks and what you are left with is one of the most distinctive voices in rap music, attempting off-kilter flows and phrases over some of the most impressive production in rap music today, and to me that sounds like my kind of rap music. What the Buffalo floor general lacks in diversity of subject matter he makes up for with a relentless imagination.

That’s why it’s not all that surprising to me that Westside Gunn enjoyed more mainstream attention in 2020 than he ever has before. All he needed was a window of exposure and he certainly capitalized on it, pitching his sound and his vision in all the right places, without compromising his style or vacating his lane. So strictly as a MC, I would consider him the Young Thug of the east coast underground scene, and if 2020 does turn out to be his final year of recording solo projects, I am thankful that he already has a long list of quality projects with high replay value to revisit again and again. But don’t wait - give this man his flowers now.

Best Evidence: “Euro Step”, “Rebirth”, “327″, “Shawn vs. Flair”, “Michael Irvin”, and YES he even had a more than worthy verse on “$500 Ounces” alongside Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano

9. Benny the Butcher

Who else is more reliable to deliver a dope feature verse than Benny?

By now you must be muttering at least a few things about me, so let me just make two points: YES, I am a big fan of Griselda records, but NO I do not consider that an unreasonable bias because even on paper according to a large variety of sources, it’s clear that Conway, Boldy James, Westside Gunn and Benny are true specialists when it comes to the quality of the work they distribute. Its not a fluke or a trend, they’re just that good at what they do...I have been saying this for almost 5 years now, but in 2020 the rest of you sleepy heads finally just stopped hitting snooze.

Benny the Butcher already possesses the writing capacity, attention to detail, and skills of observation/personal reflection to put himself within special company as one of the nicest pens in the business today. But in 2020, he dialed things up even higher...or perhaps word of mouth just finally caught up with the rest of his peers? The tribute to the classic Roc-A-Fella era that was his Burden of Proof project with Hit-Boy helped expose Benny to a much larger audience, and it has been beautiful to see so many more folks quoting and sharing his lyrics on Twitter, because I recall when he had about the same amount of Followers that I do, because it wasn’t all that long ago (I just hope they go back to experience all of his prior work - I’m still partial to his incredible verses on “Shower Shoe Lords” and “Pissy Work”)! 

In my not so humble opinion, I do think some of the more dramatic pomp and circumstance on the BOP album was more suited to a Rick Ross or Meek Mill than Benny, so I’m actually more excited to hear what Benny has in store for 2021. He truly sounds at his best over more minimalistic production that lets his lyrics fill the spotlight...but still, tracks like “Timeless” and “Legend” do remind me of some of my favorite moments from old JAY-Z albums...blasphemous, maybe, but true.

A shot to the leg last month seems to have done nothing to slow his momentum, so if you didn’t board the bandwagon by now, you are inexcusably late.

Best Evidence: Burden of Proof, mercilessly slaughtering every verse on every Griselda projects, and a ton of show-stealing features

10. Drakeo the Ruler

What a journey it's been for the L.A. rising star. 

Flexing a penchant for placing local slang into his music and delivering dark verses with a clear sense of humor, it's easy to see the appeal of Drakeo's style. If Thank You For Using GTL was an inspiring attempt to do anything possible to keep his buzz going (in that case, recording his verses over a prison phone), the quick release of We Know The Truth shortly after he regained his freedom seems to have given him a 50 Cent-esque teflon aura at the moment. 

But this is about more than just Drakeo himself, it’s about what he represented before incarceration, and what he represents now. As one of the more visible forces in a new generation of west coast hip-hop, Drakeo was a few key features away from exploding onto the national scene. Now after surviving his ordeal, likely with a great deal more to write about, his ceiling has only been raised - and along with his growth potential, so rises the potential for the current rap scene out in L.A. right now. Mark my words: by this time next year Drakeo’s flow will be one of the most flagrantly jacked flows in rap music coast to coast.

A sincere welcome home from the rap world, Drakeo the Ruler. Hopefully the worst is now behind you. 🙏

Best Evidence: We Know The Truth, Free Drakeo, Thank You For Using GTL

*Honorable Mentions*:

Che Noir, Ka, Ransom, Billy Woods, Royce Da 5′9″, Jay Electronica, Fly Anakin, Curren$y, Lil Uzi Vert, Roc Marciano, Skyzoo, Black Thought, Tee Grizzley, Your Old Droog, Flee Lord, Lil Wayne

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Capt. Syverson-Chapter Two: Therapeutic Procedure

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: Shane and Sy share some moments during their treatment sessions…and a phone call that could set the tone for the next few weeks.

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: None, yet… ;)

Author’s Note: Sorry, I was so eager and excited to post the first chapter of this last night, I totally put some inaccurate info in my description notes. I will correct that in the original post and  try to do better henceforth! Hope you enjoy Sy and Shane totally flirting some more and getting more friendly in this chapter. Feedback is appreciated! Even constructive criticism! :D

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. 

Tags: @onlyhenrys @cavillryarchive @summersong69 @titty-teetee

Let me know if you wish to be added to the list! I’m happy to do it!

Shane woke up that morning with knots in her stomach. She dropped every product she picked up in the shower, she was shaking so much. She accidentally ordered the wrong coffee on her way to work and was now drinking something much less caffeinated and far too sweet for her taste. The barista had informed her it was a grande caramel macchiato with an extra pump of vanilla and extra caramel drizzle…with only two shots of espresso…she couldn't begin to describe how wrong that drink was for her. But it was better than nothing, she told herself, not fully convincingly.

She had chosen her clothes with extra care, even though, with the dress code, her options were limited. And she had made sure to put on a bit of mascara and just a touch of perfume, even though they weren't strictly supposed to wear it…she didn't know why she was bothering.

Well, actually, she did know why. She had been checking her schedule extra diligently lately to make sure she didn't look like a hobo when Sy was coming in. He'd been coming for three weeks now, and after the initial bellyaching about Jordan not being as pretty as her…her heart!...and his feeling extra sore after his visits with him, they were on a roll and had a great chemistry together as far as their treatments went…she tried not to think about…beyond the world of therapy.

She thought back to their first session after she got back from her trip. And the conversation they had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I think the next time you can't see me, I'm just going to cancel." he had sulked as he wiggled his mass of muscle onto the mat.

"Sy, no. you need therapy. Don't be like that to Jordan. He's an excellent therapist."

"He ain't you though." he smirked, sending her heart racing with that smile that somehow managed to look both boyish and rakish under his full, dark beard. Fucking hell. He needed to stop.

"Well, we can't fault him for that, can we? Lay back, Mister." She demanded. Done with the niceties of the evaluation and onto the treatments where she was in charge. The boss.

"Yes, sir!" she laughed at his clear avoidance of calling her ma'am.

"So where'd you go last week? Vacation or stay-cation?" he asked, the term "stay-cation" sounding downright comical coming out of his country-boy mouth.

"I went to the beach. Gulf Shores."

"I thought you looked like you got some sun."

"Yeah," she pretended his noticing the detail of her awesome tan did not send her reeling. "My folks rented a condo right on the water for my siblings and I to come and stay with them. They're still there. It was tough to leave all that beauty." the beach, pretty much any beach, was her favorite place to be.

"I bet…" he looked at her, something dreamy in his eyes, but he looked away before she could process it. "I thought I had my fill of sand and sun when I was over in Iraq. But you make it sound…like paradise." he smiled softly up at her as she worked on his knee, trying to break apart some of the scar tissue from the injuries and surgeries he'd had…and focus on that, and not the warmth rising in her.

"That's the perfect way to describe any place on the Gulf of Mexico. I doubt it's anything like Iraq, since there's so much water around. It's my favorite vacation destination. Well, apart from London."

"Them British folks always seem so stuck up. Don't know if I'd get along with any of 'em."

"It felt like a second home for me. Everyone was very kind and polite, for the most part. At least it was no worse than it is here."

"Maybe it's just because you're so nice."

"Wait 'til about week eight or ten of your protocol. You won't think I'm nice then. You'll be cussing me out and ready to ring my neck."

"Promise?" he asked, a dark grin on his lips and in his eyes…she faltered for a moment, gulping.

"Cut it out, Syverson." she rolled her eyes, covering…without great effect the way he made her feel.

"Yes...ma'am." he smirked with satisfaction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, today, she'd be treating him again, fairly early in the day, and she had to prepare herself. She'd checked the policy, and although there wasn't anything strictly against dating a patient, it was clearly a conflict of interest, and would be frowned upon by her frigid tyrant of a boss. Best to let things remain platonic for now.

Her 9:30 was a no show, so she finished up some notes and was working on some continuing education credits when messenger popped up around 10:00.

Sergeant Sexypants is here. He's quite early and he knows it…*smirk emoji* he must like you, Shane!

Heather, come on, be respectful…he was discharged at the rank of Captain! *rofl emoji* and I think you might be right about him liking me…*nervous emoji*

Oooooooooh!!! You guys are gonna *couple kissing emoji* *eggplant emoji* *okay emoji* *explosion emoji* *baby emoji*

Omg…*three facepalm emojis* I am going to go ahead and start him early since my 9:30 was a NCNS.

Don't finish him too early. Make it last. *smirk emoji*

Jeez. She closed the chat and went to grab him from the waiting area.

"Hey Sy, you ready?"

"You bet, sunshine!" he flashed her a crooked smile. He was calling her sunshine now…ad that to the list of things she'd have to pretend didn't make her swoon.

"Great. Let's start on the bike. How's the knee feeling today?"

"Oh, it's…about the same. Stiff. Lil' sore."

"Well, it's a slow process, like I told you at your eval. You've got a lot going on in there."

"I know…just…it hasn't taken me four weeks to do anything in my life." he sulked. "So…thinking about this taking…twelve or more…" he grimaced as he sat down on the bike, and adjusted it for his longer than average legs, putting his feet in the pedal stirrups.

"You may not see it, Sy, because you're so close to it, but trust me, you're making progress. I can tell you're doing your exercises at home, and you're always willing to put in the work here. You have no idea how much that sets you apart from…some of these other people." she leaned in closer and spoke the last part more quietly to him. It was true. So many of her patients were either lazy or just in it to appease their MDs into writing them scripts for pain meds. That wasn't Sy.

"You really think so?" he gave her the side eye with his baby blues, crushing her with the color like the waves of the ocean she'd just returned from.

"In fact, I know so." she placed a reassuring hand on his broad and thick shoulder. She felt the tension between them hum, like electric current.

"Now, level one, and a steady pace. You're not trying to win any medals here. I'll take those crutches."

"When ya think I can 86 'em damn things?" he griped as he handed over the assistive devices.

"Well, you see Potter again tomorrow? I'll write an update today and send it to him. If he likes what he reads, or more likely pretends to read, regarding your progress, he may discharge them. Do you feel like you can be good to the knee and treat it nice without using crutches? I don't want you to regress and re-injure yourself. That's not gonna get you into your running shoes any sooner."

"I'll be nice. Real gentle." he winked at her…he wasn't just talking about the knee. And she knew it. But again, she pretended she didn't, ignoring once more those butterflies threatening to choke her they were multiplying so fast in her belly.

"Okay, I'll put that in my note. Patient compliant with instructions to be nice." she laughed.

They talked as they biked, Shane sat on the one next to him and pedaled along with him for something to do other than be idle. She thought it made him feel better as well. Like he wasn't doing it alone. They covered the subject of her siblings, an older brother in IT and a younger sister who was an MA, and his German Shepherd, Aika, which he was allowed to bring home from Iraq after they were both honorably discharged. Music, both of them completely in agreeance about the superiority of classic rock.

"I noticed you've worn a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt a few times and meant to say something before now."

"Yeah, they're one of my favorites. But there are a few newer groups that I like a lot, too. Kings of Leon got me through some tough times, honestly."

"Oh, they're great! I love their sound. And their lyrics…poetry."

"No shit. Sorry." she shook her head and raised up her hands to indicate that he didn't need to apologize to her for swearing. She'd been known to make sailors blush when she was off the clock. "Only by the Night…that whole album is…it's just in my blood, ya know? Ya ever have an album do that?"

"I have. Whole artists catalogs, actually."

"Which artist?" he prodded.

"The Beatles. Pretty much every song. Like you said, it just, like, I dunno, it's almost deeper than the veins. It's in the marrow. My soul." she stared off out the windows ahead of them, thinking about her favorite band in the world and how magical it was to experience Sir Paul McCartney playing some of her favorites live…twice…and the timer on the bike went off, pulling her from her daydream.

She looked over at him, startled by both the noise, and the dreamy look in his eyes that was becoming all too familiar.

"Sorry." she stood, grabbing his crutches for him and handing them back to him from where she had leaned them as they rode.

"Hey, don't be sorry for…ahem…for loving what you love. We should all…hold on to the things that make us feel like that." she nodded.

"Thanks…I don't think a lot of people…understand the way I…my tendency to take things like music, movies, and shows…books…so deeply to my heart." they walked to the treatment room from the gym, taking their time, since they had it. A rare occurrence for Shane, always needing to capitalize on every spare minute. To make productivity a priority.

"I think…that…well, seeing a pretty grim side of the world like I have…seems like there's enough darkness and bullshit making everyone miserable. If we find something…or…someone…that brings us some happiness or even just makes that misery bearable…we oughta hang onto 'em real tight. Cherish it like gold." the silence in the small room was loud with that electrical hum of their tension again. He'd said all the right things, as he always seemed to, but under the absolute wrong circumstances. She just nodded.

"They teach you philosophy in Basic?" she giggled. He laughed back in response.

"Oh, no, Basic was way easier than…whatever goes on inside of us."

"Speaking of which," she segued deftly, "lay back, and let my try to get some range out of that knee before I take new measurements for this update I'm gonna write."

"Yes, ma'am!" he chuckled.

"You get some sick thrill out of calling me that, don't you?" she scowled playfully at him.

"Oh, you have no idea…ma'am." he winked at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Shane was wondering how Sy's appointment went as she ate her soup at lunch and caught up on her morning notes. She got a ping on messenger.

You have a gentleman caller…*eggplant emoji*  hehe, he's on line three.

Geez…thanks Heather.

No need to ask for a name. She knew Heather meant Sy.

She picked up the phone at her desk in the treatment room.

"Hey Sy! How'd the appointment go?"

"Hey, sunshine…eh…he said I'm doin' good, but he wants me to stay on crutches another two weeks." she could hear grave disappointment in his voice. She felt for him.

"Aww, I'm sorry Sy. I know you wanted off those. And I know they're a pain. Literally and figuratively."

"Why wouldn't he want me off 'em?" he was so frustrated. He must have just left the office.

"Did you ask him that question?"

"You know doctors, Shane. Not like I would have got an answer in plain English. Figured you'd know."

"Well, I haven't seen your post-visit report, but it's my presumption that he wants to play it safe. You know he spent most of his day in the operating room with you, right? An eight hour surgery, you had. He probably doesn't want to undo all that by d/c'ing the crutches too soon."

"I was gonna be careful though, Shane!" he was worked up properly, and she could hear it over the roar of his pickup in the background.

"I know you were, Sy. I'm sure you were going to take all kinds of precautions. But what if you're walking into your kitchen, during a storm, and there's a loud clap of thunder, and Aika gets startled and busts past you? What if you're feeling good one day, and forget about it, and jog to catch up to someone holding the door open for you and miss a stick or something under foot? You can't prepare yourself for every pebble or patch of mud in your path, Sy. Accidents will happen. Some circumstances are beyond our control…we just have to do the best we can. The crutches are going to help you until we get you stronger. That's what we'll focus on until those two weeks are up."

"Why is it you can calm me down like this?" he asked, sincere and truly calmer than he had been.

"I'm just a good therapist, is all."

"Ya don't think that's really all, do ya?" the sound of his deep drawl in her ear from the receiver made her shiver. He was implying something that she just couldn't entertain. It wasn't possible for them right now. Maybe…down the road…in a few weeks…

"I'll see ya tomorrow, Sy. Come ready to work that knee."

"You didn't say no…" he was too hopeful. Damn it, he was cute when he was hopeful. She was glad she couldn't see his face light up like she knew it was doing.

"You may have noted I didn't say yes, either."

"Yet. See ya in the mornin', sunshine."

"Bye, Sy."

She put the receiver in the cradle and her face in her hands.

"Shit."

She had a feeling this particular patient was about to become much more complicated.

Up Next: Chapter Three-Therapeutic Activity

[himbowelsh]

Your writing is amazing! Could you please add David Webster to the valentines head canon list? 💝

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He leaves notes around the house. Sweet things, like ‘I’ll be thinking of you all day’ or ‘I wanted so badly to kiss you this morning’  ---  or even something simple as ‘Left you a smoothie in the fridge, love you’.  It’s a silly thing, and a few have gotten crumpled or swept into the trash before his partner noticed, but it’s just a way for them to know he’s thinking of them. He’s not very physically affectionate, and while he can (and has) professed his love a thousand different ways, words just don’t feel like enough. Notes are tangible, something to hold on to and tuck away to look over on a rainy day.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Please, his family’s had a personal florist for ages. He might not know how to pick out flowers himself  ---  the best he can do is identify them, but he doesn’t know how to take care of them, or which flowers look good together   ---   but he can order up a gorgeous bouquet for any occasion.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He doesn’t mind it. Milk chocolate only, please, and in small quantities, otherwise it makes him queasy. To be honest, he doesn’t trust himself with boxes of chocolate, so tries to avoid them.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Let’s go out sailing! Oh gosh, if a person hasn’t seen David sailing, they haven’t truly seen him. He’s in his element on the water. Never is his grin broader, his eyes brighter, his shirt looser...  he loves being out on the waves so much. Being out there with someone he loves sounds like heaven. God, he would love to show his partner the ropes  ---  literally  ---  to introduce them to his boat and teach them how to sail. If they handle themselves well on the waves, he’ll definitely fall a little in love.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Depends who the hug is comping from. Web can be picky. Sometimes Hoobler just grabs him and he stays there like a spike in the ground until he’s done  ---  David much prefers seeking out the hug first, at least initiating it. His hugs are gentle, not too intrusive, clearly meant to share comfort rather than offer anything. He’s fond of rubbing someone’s shoulders.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

David is well-spoken, handsome, and can be profoundly charming at the right moments. He’s probably better at flirting after a glass of champagne, but can usually handle himself. Of course, he’s not always great at reading the room, so some occasional blunders can’t be helped.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

It’s definitely a struggle, but David wants to get it right  ---  and he puts a lot of effort into it. While he’s not above just asking, to know point-blank what they want, then he has to get the best version of that thing possible. He’ll search for hours to find exactly the right gift...  and even if he ended up getting a hair straightener instead of curling iron, or a the wrong brand of toy, all that heart still shines through.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

David is...  that really weird type of impulsive where he thinks everything through, until he doesn’t. Those impulsive moments are his greatest successes or greatest failures. He doesn’t mean to fall in love quickly, but the moment he realizes he’s in, he’s all in. His heart isn’t easily dissuaded.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Words are easy; these three particular words, not so much. He’s really got to fight his way to a place where he feels confident in saying them...  and even then, they’d stall on his tongue, because he’s really not sure his partner will say them back. No matter how fiercely he loves them, there’s always that little shred of uncertainty...  and to get past it, Web probably ends up blurting “I love you” at an unexpected time. It’s not how he planned on doing it at all, not half as romantic as it should be...  but once that wall’s been bulldozed through, and his partner says it back, suddenly it’s easy to say all the time.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Quite. He just...  doesn’t like seeing other people encroaching on the person he loves, and if he has to make that displeasure known, he will. David’s style is subtle and public. He’ll lace hands or pull his partner closer during a night out, occasionally pressing a kiss to their cheek  ---   just close enough to their neck to give a thrill, reminding them that they’re his, and he’s right here. He’s not really vocal about it, but his jealousy sends a message.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

David is… an inquisitive kisser. He likes to test his partner’s limits, exploring their mouth like a born scientist. He charts the groves of their lips with his own, memorized their taste, sucks gently just to gauge their reaction… and the more encouragement they give him, the more adventurous he’s willing to get. Needs to have his partner close, right against him while they’re kissing. If they get too into it, he’ll start grinding unconsciously; god forbid it gets pointed out, cause he’ll turn five shades of red at once.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

Sharks, sharks, sharks sharks sharks  ---  EVERYBODY!    (No, okay, he’s the sort of pretentious to say “my first love will always be my craft” while glowering at a novel draft he hasn’t touched in three months, but...  he really does love his family, no matter how often he bickers with them. Web’s the sort of person who absolutely cherishes his friends, and takes them very deep into his heart. He loves whatever he’s passionate about, be they people, things, or ideas.)

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He loves early morning; it’s the epitome of serene tranquility, the point of existence all humans should aspire to. The sun breaking over the horizon illuminates a person’s truest self. Too bad he’s a horrible morning person who resents dragging himself out of bed any time before 9am. If people are their truest selves at dawn, Webster’s a feral rat who just won a fight for the last pizza crust on the subway.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

There’s a lot of hip action; David grinds without meaning to, rolling and writhing on instinct alone. It serves him well when he actually puts it to use, hands locked around his partner’s waist as they roll like a ship on high seas. No matter what, David needs to be holding his partner, anchoring himself — it lets him feel in-control, even in a situation where he’s utterly out of it. A very expressive lover — his facial expressions are obscene, holding nothing back — and a furiously intense kisser. During the act, he loves to be working at his partner’s neck, pressing deep kisses into the flesh there… because meeting their eyes overwhelms him too easily. Good luck getting him to keep quiet. He gasps and moans, sometimes going to the effort to muffle himself against the back of his own hand, but usually not bothering. At his peak, his entire body arches, muscles going tense, and he can never restrain a moan as he slowly comes down.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Absolutely  ---  though he thinks he’s a lot better at love poetry than he actually is. It’s a work in progress. David is an eloquent and spellbinding speaker, especially when his words come straight from the heart. He’s excellent at expressing what he feels.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

He’s drawn to very vibrant people  ---  people who seem to light up a room when they walk in, people with a slight current of energy to them. Like any artist, David craves inspiration...  so he seeks out people who can provide him with it. Maybe someone who enjoys reading, who can carry on intellectual discussions with him  ---  but also someone who can debate and challenge him when he’s too set in his own ideas. Someone with an adventurous spirit. Someone who can play nicely around his parents, and looks great in formal wear. Caring about the environment is a must. Someone who...  will take an interest in the things he’s passionate about, but also has their own passions which they care about deeply.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

The problem with David is that...  he thinks. Too much. Overthinker extraordinaire. He wants to consider all the possible alternatives before making a big life decision, which often leads to him not making that decision at all. Pretty much every big leap he takes is on impulse, and he handles the fallout later. He’s never expect his partner too, but, frankly, would be better off it they did. When he does drop the question, it’ll probably be impulsively, with some grand poetic declaration, and possibly a ring improvised with whatever’s onhand. He’s got a rich family, they’ll get a nice diamond later.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a romantic soul, even if acknowledging it makes him feel like a fool. He knows better, after all. The world is not a kind place to those who leave their hearts open, inviting happiness like sweet deliverance when pain so often disguises itself as pleasure...  but he likes the idea of love. It would be nice. He wants to fall in love, he wants to be in love, and he wants to finally understand what so many writers are obsessed with. He wants the sort of love you fill books with.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

If you subscribe to the “kids only bully other kids because they like them” line of thinking...  sure. Lil’ David had  t o n s  of admirers.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

I reiterate: “He wants the sort of love you fill books with.” Maybe it doesn’t exist anywhere outside of fiction, and in the minds of some...  very questionable historical lovers  (Bonnie and Clyde, F Scott and Zelda, Percy and Mary Shelley)  but he’s open to being proven wrong.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Everyday, by the unrelenting oppression of human cruelty. And the fact that sharks are nonironically viewed as monsters by the general public. And the fact that people don’t see knowledge as the bright light illuminating the path to the future? Or the fact that people don’t realize that if you don’t remember your history you’re doomed to repeat it? Or the fact that some people genuinely like pineapple on pizza  ----     He’s a sensitive boy.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

It’s a capitalist scheme to sell a frightening amount of chocolate boxes and prey on the vulnerabilities of single people. He’s against it on principle. Couples can have romantic dates any day of the year, what’s so special about this one?  (Still, get him roses, he’ll be thrilled.)

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

He...  goes back and forth. It’s what his parents really want for him, which is almost enough reason for him to never want to...  but he’s got a sense of obligation, too, so maybe. But what if it’s a mistake? What if he doesn’t truly love the person? What if he thinks he loves them, but one day wakes up and realizes it was all an illusion? What if they fall out of love with him? What if ---

He wants to, deep down. Once he finds the right partner, all those anxieties will fade away. It’s really just the not knowing what to expect that worries him.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

He’s not excessive about them   ----   “darling”  and  “sweetheart”  being his biggest offenses   ---   but also isn’t above literary allusions.  “You’re the Hermia to my Lysander” / “The Isolde to my Tristan” / “The Zelda to my F. Scott”, at which point he’s earned any eyerolls he gets.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Definitely. How willing he is to fight over it is directly proportional to how much alcohol is in his system, or how egregious the offense is   ---   some things will send him feral, alcohol or not. Like insulting his partner outright, or grabbing at them? Web doesn’t stand for that. While he’ll usually try to diffuse a situation just by taking his partner and ducking out, or maybe trying to talk it through, if he sees shit like that, he’ll snap. There’s a lot more fight in him than one would assume at first glance.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

Well, he’s had a few girlfriends back in college, but nothing obscene. David really keeps to himself. He’s had maybe… two or three partners beforehand, so it’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t really know… all the ins-and-outs yet. (Make of that what you will.)

[5hfanfiction]

Why Did I Get Married? (Camren)

Part Twenty Seven: Communication

“Communication is the fuel that keeps your relationship alive and burning. Without it, your relationship will go cold,” William Paisley.

***

To have a relationship with someone, it requires good communication. There needs to be a mutual understanding of each other’s feelings. For example, if you get mad at someone and you stop speaking to one another, the barrier needs to be overcome and the problems need to be resolved.

Communication solves most problems, therefore communication skills are the foundation for a strong relationship.

*** *Flashback*

“Really, Laur?” Camila opened her eyes slowly when she felt her girlfriend peppering kisses all over her face.

Lauren placed a kiss on Camila’s lips, savouring the taste that her lips would allow. “I will never get tired of kissing you.” She mumbled as she pulled away, sighing in content. “You’re amazing.”

“I can say the same thing about you, amor,” Camila sat upright, her back leaning against the bed’s headboard, Lauren following suit. “Listen, Laur…” Camila began but trailed off.

The photography student at the time took one of her girlfriend’s hand in hers. Back then, Camila was currently pursuing her Bachelor of Music. They were both in their second year of their degrees, which meant that they would soon be taking on the world of work by storm.

“Babe, we don’t need to talk about that again,” Lauren said.

Camila shook her head ‘no’. She sighed and straddled her girlfriend’s waist so that she could look into her beautiful emerald eyes as they had this conversation yet again. “Amor, I know we cleared things up already, but I need you to know, there’s no one else in this world that I would want to be with besides you.” Camila brought a hand to Lauren’s face and stroked her cheek. “You are my everything. I don’t care if someone flirts with me, looks at me, my eyes are only focused on you.”

Insecurity.

It’s a side effect of loving too much but getting little in return.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that Lauren had loved Camila less than she loved her. But insecurity can stem from many types of relationships and it affects someone’s view about themselves. Eventually they might start to think that they don’t deserve love.

“I love you, Camz. I love you so much,” Lauren sighed. “But sometimes it’s just so hard to believe someone like you could want someone like…me.”

Camila wrapped her hands around Lauren’s neck, brown eyes locked with green. “You are stupid to think that I would want someone other than you. I can list so many things about you that’ll make you seem so fucking incredible, Jauregui.”

Camila pulled Lauren in for a kiss. Connecting their lips in a slow but sensual kiss. They shut their eyes instinctively, as fireworks erupted behind their eyelids. A soft groaned escaped Lauren’s lips. The taste of Camila’s lips, how they felt under Lauren’s, was a feeling neither of them would ever get tired of. Not wanting it to go any further as they had classes soon, Camila pulled away and pecked her girlfriend on the nose.

“You’re the person who taught me how to love,” the music student whispered. “The one who actually loved me back. You’re the one who never left my side even though I knew at times, I wasn’t the easiest person to be with. You gave my life purpose. You gave me something to look forward to every single day I opened my eyes.”

Having met Lauren, Camila finally felt as though she knew her place in this universe. She felt that she was alive because they were destined to find each other, to fall in love and to be each other’s happiness.

Lauren smiled and traced her wife’s lips with her index finger. “In a universe with so many stars, the closest one to the earth is the sun. And you are my star Camila Cabello. Which makes you my sun.” She reached into the drawer next to their bed and pulled out a box. “I didn’t plan to do this so soon, or like this, but I feel it in my heart that this is the right moment.”

When she opened the box, Camila saw the most beautiful ring. It was a silver band with a sun engraved into it. Lauren pulled the ring out of the box and held it in her hand.

“I’m not proposing,” the photography student clarified. “But I will one day.” She took Camila’s hand in hers. “I’m making a commitment to you, Camila and only you. You’re why I’m here. I was destined to find you. In a world filled with seven billion people, I was unbelievably lucky to find my soulmate. Thank you for giving me somewhere to be…” Lauren looked into Camila’s eyes and saw that there were so many tears pouring out of them and trickling down her cheeks. “And that somewhere is beside you.”

She slipped the ring on and brought it to her lips, kissing Camila’s finger ever so lightly. “I am totally in love with you. This is the kind of love that burns so intensely that it feels like an explosion of fireworks rippling through my body whenever you’re near, or whenever you touch me. It’s the kind of love that leaves me sleepless but energized at the same time. Speechless but poetic.” Lauren caressed Camila’s cheek. Her girlfriend was an emotional wreck but was still hanging on to what she was saying. “This is the kind of love that shows me where exactly I’m supposed to be.”

Camila smiled through her tears. “The feel-so-much-that-I’m-scared-of-being-hurt kind of love?”

Lauren laughed softly and nodded. “The can’t-eat-can’t-sleep-all-I-do-is-think-about-you kind of love.”

“The love I never knew I was searching for, until I found you, Lauren Michelle,” the music student wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and held her so tightly. “I love you so goddamn much. Please, please don’t ever think I’ll want someone else other than you.”

Lauren hugged Camila back tightly, placing a kiss on top of her head. “I am irrevocably in love with you.”

*End of Flashback*

***

I feel like we’re all just looking for someone who cares enough to try. Someone who realises when they make a mistake and when they hurt your feelings, that they mean it when they say they’re sorry.

Someone who remembers the little things about you. Not just because they have impeccable memory, but rather that they’re paying attention to the things that you have to say.

Someone who’s shy and can barely hold a conversation, but yet they can’t seem to shut up around you. They do anything to have your attention and to keep the conversation going, just for the sake of hearing your voice.

We don’t want to change the ones we love, we’re just simply hoping that we matter enough to them just to go the extra mile.

“Lauren, Camila,” Doctor Briggs greeted the couple as they stepped into her office. “It’s nice to see the both of you again. Can I interest either of you in some tea? Coffee?”

The couple declined Chelsea’s offer of drinks as they took a seat opposite to their therapist.

“How have you been?” Chelsea directed the question to the couple as she grabbed her notepad and slipped on her glasses.

Camila piped up first. “Well, I’ve been okay. I’m actually preparing for the release of my album in September, so my schedule has been a bit hectic, but I’m trying my best to make time for my family.”

Doctor Briggs nodded as she made a note of what Camila said. “Do you have any fears of your relationship regressing into old patterns when you get back out there making your music?”

The singer paused for a moment, looked at her wife before answering. “I feel like it’s only normal for me to be a bit scared but I’m going to try to not neglect my family like what I was doing before. I know Izzy needs me, and Lauren needs me…and I need them. Being thousands of miles away from my family hurts me, and if I can squeeze in some time everyday to FaceTime them, or even when I have a break, to spend time with them, I’m going to do it.”

Lauren smiled and took her wife’s hand in hers, bringing it to her lips.

“I’m glad to hear that Camila. This is major progress as to how you were before. Making time for your family would not just be beneficial for you both as a couple, but Izzy as well. And I know how much your daughter’s happiness means to the both of you,” Chelsea said. “And Lauren? How have you been?”

The photographer shrugged. “I’ve been fine. Just balancing my life between work, friends and my family.” Lauren looked as though she wanted to say something but she held her tongue.

However, their therapist noticed this.

“Is there something else you wanted to add?”

Lauren sighed. “Recently, Camila and I had talked about something with our friends…and I just…I don’t know it’s been at the back of my mind.”

Doctor Briggs nodded in understanding. “The key to having a successful relationship is communication, Lauren. So if something is bothering you, you should try to talk things out with your partner.”

Camila nodded in agreement. “I know I haven’t always been the best person for you to talk to, but whatever it is, amor…you can tell me.”

Lauren sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair. “Do you remember on my birthday you mentioned us moving to New York ?” Camila nodded. She had brought up the thought, because she felt as though it would’ve been the best thing for her family as they would’ve been closer to each other. “I’ve been thinking about it…and I know that all our family and friends are here in Miami, but I’ve thought about it and I think it makes so much sense to move to there.”

“But…do you want to move?”

“I told you already, Camz, my home is wherever you and Izzy are,” Lauren smiled at her wife. “I know it wasn’t set in stone, but I took the liberty of finding teachers to home-school Izzy and you remember Elena right?”

Camila nodded. “The cute lil girl we met at the park, who Izzy talks about like 24/7?”

Lauren laughed. “Yes, her. Her mother; Anastasia, is actually a teacher and she worked at the Love Academy Preparatory, which means she’s really good. So I spoke to her and asked her if she was willing to tutor Izzy, and she said yes.”

Doctor Briggs sat observing the interaction between the couple. Communication had always been their biggest enemy and today’s session was supposed to help them with that. Talking out their issues, and voicing their opinions would help them to be more in tuned with each other’s feelings.

“I’ve never really interacted with Anastasia, and I feel like I won’t be comfortable with the whole idea of her tutoring Izzy until I get to know her,” Camila said. She wasn’t always fond of people other than their family and friends interacting with their child. She wanted people who were role models for their daughter to be surrounded with.

Lauren nodded. “And I completely understand that, Camz. It was just a suggestion. If you aren’t comfortable with, Anastasia, there’s a lot of other teachers we can hire for Izzy.”

Doctor Briggs smiled internally at the way the couple was communicating. A couple months ago, they were at each other’s throats, and now they were actually sitting down and discussing things that could benefit them as a family. “Effective communication enables you as a couple, to sort out your problems with ease…together.” The therapist said, drawing the couple’s attention back to her. “Being able to communicate effectively, helps to stop pointless arguments which can occur regularly in any relationship.”

Camila and Lauren nodded. They were both aware of the pointless arguments that had been happening throughout the past year between them.

“But before we delve into the session even further, I’ll like to ask about my previous assignment,” Doctor Briggs said. Camila had instantly blushed red. She knew they would have to discuss the topic with Doctor Briggs but she wasn’t exactly comfortable with the topic of sex.

Lauren noticing her wife’s discomfort, she decided to take the reins. “I personally, would like to say that the assignment went well. Even though it was about a year later, I still felt as though we were in tune with each other’s bodies.”

“And how many times after my assignment have the both of you been intimate?”

“Our schedules have gotten busy over these past few weeks, but I’ll like to say that we probably would’ve had sex…five? Six times?” Lauren looked at Camila who nodded in confirmation.

The therapist made a note of the couple’s intimacy. “What about Izzy? How is she doing? A child tends to notice the changes between their parents’ relationships, so has she seemed any different now?”

Camila thought about it for a moment before she answered. “Izzy seems very…chill, for the lack of a better word. She’s always hanging around us, and when she is, she seems so happy. I catch her from time to time looking at Lauren and I, especially these last few days and there’s this gleam of happiness in her eyes, and I as her mother, couldn’t be happier.”

“Camila is right,” Lauren agreed. “We do talk about Camila having to go to work very soon and she does seem sad about having to say goodbye especially after having her around for so long, but Izzy understands.”

Doctor Briggs nodded. “Have you spoken to Izzy about moving?” The couple shook her their heads 'no’. “Do you think she’ll be happy to pack everything up and go? Or would she miss her home?”

“I know that she’ll miss here. Miami is our home. Ever since I moved from Argentina to here, it’s always been Miami. I met Lauren here and Izzy was born here. Miami is who we are,” Camila said, while her wife nodded in agreement. The thought of moving had never crossed their minds before. They would always travel the world, but their hearts would always be in Miami, that’s where they always came back home to.

Home sweet home.

“And I know she’ll miss the people she met along the way here, but our friends, they’re family and they won’t abandon her nor us,” Lauren smiled at the thought of their friends. It was true that no matter where the Jauregui - Cabellos went, the gang would always be there not even a footstep behind. “I think it’s more of the memories that would hurt upon leaving these place.”

Camila smiled sadly. “Yeah. But we’ll make new memories. It’s what we do best.”

“I just can’t bear to be away from you for so long anymore, Camz,” Lauren whispered out. “I’ll do anything just to be near you, even if I have to wait all day for you to come home to me, it’s better than being in a completely different state. And I know that when you start tour that’s going to be another issue, but it’s always been my dream to travel the world and do photography.”

Camila frowned a bit at her wife’s words. She had made it clear that it was always hard to leave her family behind to go out there and fulfill her dreams. It took every ounce of her not to turn around in that airport and run back into Lauren’s awaiting arms. But she didn’t want to disappoint her fans, to disappoint her family and most importantly…herself.

“It’s always been my dream to travel the world…but with you, Amor,” Camila took Lauren’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “And with Izzy too. I know for a child it’s going to be difficult and it won’t seem like a stable environment, but Izzy is years wiser than her age, and I know it won’t affect her as long as she has us with her.”

“Izzy’s idea of stability stems from having both parents around,” Doctor Briggs said. “And from what I’ve noticed about her, on both occasions we’ve interacted is that she is happier with the both of you. Having a stable home is key, but what’s also important is having two parents who love each other and give that love to their child as well.”

Izzy’s home was her parents.

A home is where there’s love, where memories reside, where friends and family are always welcomed and laughter is never short. That’s a home.

So even if the couple were to move, they weren’t leaving their home behind, they were going to make a new one. Maybe an even better one.

“A home is not a place but rather a feeling,” Doctor Briggs said. “You both seem to be so attached to here, but you’re willing to move to make your relationship work. It’s a huge step…but that’s a huge step in the right direction.” She placed her notepad on the table and looked at the couple. “Our session today was about communication, and from what I gathered during the past hour, is that you both as a couple, do have some things to improve, but your communication has come a long way.”

Camila and Lauren looked at each other, lovingly with smiles on their faces. They never thought that going to therapy was actually going to work. But the thing is, not everyone who goes to therapy get the help that they need. Doctor Chelsea Briggs was only there to guide the couple along the right path, had they chose not to listen to her, not to let each other in, then their relationship would’ve been no more.

You can seek help, but you have to allow yourself to receive the help as well.

Camila brought her wife’s hand to her lips and kissed it. “I love you, Lauren. I love you so fucking much.”

Someday someone is going to look at you, with a gleam in their eyes that you’ve never seen before with anyone that you’ve ever been with. They’re going to look at you and a small smile would find its way on their lips until it grows and their cheeks begin to hurt from smiling so much. They’re going to look at you like you’re everything they’ve been searching for their entire lives.

Wait for it.

Don’t settle.

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The most purest, most honest, the best and most beautiful type of love there is in the world. Not only to be loved by someone, everyone but also to be loved by yourself. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror, with a smile on your face, and the happiness and joy that you feel in your heart, radiating through your eyes, and think “I’m exactly who I am meant to be.”

You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your heart and cherish it for all of eternity.

You deserve it all, you know.

The whole world.

And you know what?

You should never forget that.

People are going to tell you to stop looking for a spark. Stop looking for the butterflies and that tingling sensation you feel whenever they touch you. They’re going to tell you to settle for stability and companionship.

But I want you to picture this…

Can you see yourself twenty, thirty, forty years from now, sitting at the dinner table and only talking about how your day was? About how crazy the weather is, when it’s thirty three degrees Celsius out?mi

Or picture this, you’re out with the love of your life messing around in the supermarket, racing the grocery carts through the aisles, teasing that doesn’t stop, the sarcasm that doesn’t go unnoticed.

There needs to be chemistry, and that’s not something that you can force, it’s just happens naturally.

Sure, being financially stable is swell, but being in love? That’s literally one of the best, and don’t get me wrong, the most painful feeling out there, but it’s sure as hell worth it in the end.

Camila and Lauren?

They didn’t settle for anything remotely far from an incredible love story. Sure, just like any other couple, they had their ups and downs, but the thing about them, is that they didn’t stay down. They picked themselves back up and tried and tried to get back to where they used to be.

The process involved in mending a broken heart is not an easy one nor does it happen quickly, but with the right steps, and with forgiveness, you’ll be on the right path to your healing.

“I love you too,” Lauren brought Camila’s hand to her lips and placed a kiss on it in return. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work. To love you the way you deserve to be loved. Whatever it takes.”

When you choose a life partner, you’re not just choosing someone to have sex with and someone who loves you and you, them. You’re choosing a lot of things. You’re choosing someone who’s going to influence your kids. You’re choosing your eating buddy for about 15,000 meals or possibly even more. You’re choosing your travel companion; not just around the world, but on simple grocery runs or even dropping your kids off to school. You’re choosing a support system. An unofficial but official therapist, and you’re choosing someone whose day you’ll hear about 15,000 thousand times.

It’s not just a life partner.

“It takes two people to have a relationship,” Doctor Briggs continued as she looked at her clients. “and each person has different communication needs and styles. Couples need to find different ways of communicating that will suit their relationship.” Chelsea looked at Camila. “When you’re angry, what do you prefer Camila? Do you prefer to be left alone until you’ve calmed down, or for Lauren to try until she gets you to open up about what got you mad in the first place?”

“I…um…” Camila stuttered. She knew that her anger had always gotten the best of her, and even though she had the biggest heart and loved Lauren with every fibre of her being, sometimes she wasn’t the best person to be around when she was angry. “I prefer to be left alone. I love you, amor, and I know you know that,” she looked at her wife. “But when I’m angry, I can’t be loving and I can’t be rational. I lash out and I feel like the best thing for you is to leave me alone.”

Lauren nodded in understanding.

“And Lauren?” Doctor Briggs directed the question to the photographer. “And when you’re angry, what do you feel like is the best thing to do?”

“I like to talk things out,” Lauren said. “I don’t like arguing and fighting, and I just feel like the quicker we solve our issues, the better it is for us as a couple.”

Doctor Briggs nodded. “This right here is an example as to what I meant when couples can have different means of communication. Camila would rather be left alone rather than talking things out on you, Lauren because some of the things she might say, may end up hurting your feelings. You both need to understand that as humans, you have different needs, and you feel differently towards things.”

What do you do when someone stops loving?

You let them leave. No matter how much it kills you, how much you want to chase after them, you let them leave.

Because what’s the point of wanting someone who doesn’t want you?

What’s the point of wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to sit and try to work things out with you?

“So even if it takes an hour, or two, after you’ve calmed down,” Chelsea addressed Camila, “You need to communicate clearly with your partner, to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, resentment or confusion.”

Doctor Briggs went on to list many things to help improve the couple’s communication.

They needed to set aside time to talk without interruption, to their partner about their feelings and misunderstandings.

They needed to think about what they had to say. Not just blurt things out randomly. But it was better to be able to be vocal about what was bothering them and why, and what they wanted to change.

They needed to be clear. so that their partner understands and receives the message accurately. Talk about what is happening and how it’s affecting them.

“A key factor to communication is using the 'I’ statements, such as; 'I want’ or 'I feel’,” the therapist told the couple. “I realised that during today’s session, you both have been using that, therefore it voices your opinions and feelings towards a particular topic.”

When communicating, you need to be aware of your tone of voice. Sometimes your partner may feel as though you’re attacking them if you’re being loud. This may cause them to shut down and not say anything, or they may retaliate and the issue may never get solved.

'Happy wife, happy life’ isn’t an accurate saying. Both of the parties in a relationship feelings should matter. Negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue that you may be having isn’t all that important, or it’s trivial, sometimes the best thing to do is let it go, rather than risk your relationship.

“And most importantly,” Chelsea said in finality. “Avoid using the silent treatment. The only way to work out your differences is by speaking.”

Learn to understand each other rather than defeat each other.

“I want the both of you to face one another,” Doctor Briggs instructed the couple who did as they were told. “We are going to do a little exercise. I want you to look each other in the eyes and say three things you don’t like about each other and three things that you love about each other.”

They seemed a bit skeptical about this but they’ve made huge strides in their relationship, this shouldn’t affect them too badly.

Besides, Camila knew just how annoying she was.

“Camila? Why don’t you start?”

The brunette nodded slowly. “I um..three things I don’t like about you. Hm, hm, hm,” Camila pretended to think. “I don’t like how you leave your car parked in the driveway, and when it’s time for me to get out, it’s hard. You know I can’t drive, Lauren!” The brunette pouted. It had always been a task for the woman to drive and the fact that her wife made it even more difficult for her, annoyed her.

Lauren tried to hide her smirk, but she nodded in understanding nonetheless. “I won’t do it again. I promise.”

“I don’t like how you snore.”

“I don’t snore!” Lauren protested.

Camila rolled her eyes. “Well not every day, but when you come home after spending all day at work you snore. And I don’t like it.”

Her wife sighed heavily. “Okay, I get it.”

“And..I..” Camila seemed a bit hesitant about saying this but she needed to get it off her chest. “I don’t like it when you give in to Izzy. She’s barely five and she has never heard the word 'no’ from you. I get that you love her and I do too, but sometimes Izzy needs to understand that she cannot have everything that she wants.”

Camila tried to look away but Lauren held her face in place to look at her. “I understand where you’re coming from, Camz. It’s just, I want to keep her happy and I feel like giving her whatever she wants will make her happy.”

“I know that, but we’re not trying to spoil her and make her think that this is how life is,” Camila said. “She’s going to have everything that she needs, but she can’t get everything that she wants.”

Doctor Briggs then instructed Lauren to go ahead with what she dislikes about her wife.

“I don’t like how you’re so…” Lauren made random hand gestures. “Messy. You leave things in the worst possible places and I always find myself tripping over your shoes. Or when I go to the bathroom, you have your makeup scattered on the counters. It’s annoying.”

Camila sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. “Now see, if we had a maid, you wouldn’t have been complaining because she would’ve been cleaning up after me!”

What a child.

“Then for you to accuse me of fucking the maid?” Lauren scoffed.

“Well I’d hire an ugly, old maid!” Camila retorted.

Lauren shook her head and laughed. “You’re something else, Camz.” Her wife smiled playfully at her. “I don’t like how you are when you’re on tour. You just I don’t know…disappear on me and text back hours later,” she mumbled. “I know you’re busy and I understand that, but I can’t help but feel ignored and abandoned when you do that. I just think that it’ll calm my thoughts if you just told me that you were going to be busy.”

Once Camila saw the sadness in her wife’s eyes, she regretted just randomly leaving without telling her. There was always a fear that Camila was going to leave her, and Lauren’s insecurities always got the better of her.

“I understand, baby,” Camila caressed her wife’s cheek. “I promise, I’ll let you know when I get busy and not just leave you in the dark.”

Doctor Briggs interrupted the couple to ask a question. “Lauren, would you trust your partner if she doesn’t remain in contact with you? And vice versa, Camila?”

The couple didn’t take any lengthy period to answer the question. They trust each other, but the issue is that, they’ll end up missing each other. Talking 24/7 when you’re busy is difficult, but as long as there’s trust and communication going on in the relationship, there won’t be any issues.

“Lastly, I dislike how hard you are on yourself when it comes to you being Izzy’s mother,” Lauren looked Camila in the eyes. “You’re not a horrible mother. Maybe you just needed some help and to spend sometime with Izzy and to develop a bond, but you’re not a bad mother. Izzy loves you so much, I hope you know that.”

Doctor Briggs made the occasional note about the couple, and if they had been truthful, the couple didn’t necessarily dislike anything that bad about each other.

“Now, Camila, why don’t you tell Lauren three things you love her?”

Camila smiled fondly at her wife. There were so many things that she loved about the woman before her, and only choosing three things about her, was going to prove to be a task.

“I love how much you love me,” the brunette told her wife. “I love how even when I feel like it’s impossible to love me, you’re right there loving me nonetheless.”

There isn’t anything on this planet that Lauren wouldn’t have done for Camila.

“I love how you’re driven. I love how passionate you get about something that inspires you. I love how you’re vocal about the many injustices that people face on a day to day basis and you portray it in your work.”

Camila would choose Lauren over anyone.

“Lastly, I love how much you make me love life,” Camila said. “I love how when I’m with you, watching paint dry can be so fucking entertaining.” This caused Lauren to laugh because they had done this one day when they repainted Izzy’s bedroom. They sat on the floor, passing a bottle of wine back and forth, watching the paint dry.

“And Lauren?” Doctor Briggs instructed for the photographer to tell her wife what she loves about her.

Lauren smiled. “I love how you’re passionate about your music. I know these past few months or even years, I made you believe that I wasn’t your biggest fan, but my god, Camila, your music is amazing. Whenever anyone listens to it, they can feel just about every ounce of emotion that you pour into it.”

To Lauren, Camila was worth finding. Worth knowing. She was worth loving.

“I love how you interact with Izzy. I love how you’re so concerned about her feelings that you won’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

It brought Lauren back to their last Halloween when Camila wanted to visit a haunted house with her family, but when she saw the fear on her daughter’s face she decided against it.

And that was just one out of many times Camila decided against hurting her daughter’s feelings. She had something planned that she wanted to do for Izzy, to bring her into 'her world’ but it was a secret for now.

“And lastly, mi vida, I love how you never cease to make a smile grace my lips,” Camila looked away from her wife for a moment smiling to herself. Lauren gently turned her head back so she can gaze into Camila’s beautiful brown eyes. “I love how my only truest form of happiness can come from you.”

Do not fall in love with someone who doesn’t cherish the smallest parts of you. Because that’s what makes you…you. And if they can’t love that, do they even love you at all?

I know that sometimes things get hard and it seems as though the person never truly loved you to begin with, but true love never leaves. It might get lost temporarily but it never leaves. Lost in confusion, pride and misunderstandings but being lost doesn’t mean it’s the end.

Sometimes love needs to take a step back to breathe before it finds its way back home again.

Doctor Briggs clasped her hands together happily. As the couple pulled away from a hug, the emotions being on an all time high after what had been said. “Before the session ends, I have an assignment for the both of you. Date night. Each of you have to plan a romantic date for your partner. I don’t care how it’s done, where or when; it has to be between now and our next session three weeks from now.”

The couple nodded. Camila internally fist pumped because she had been  planning something special for them to do as a family.

“You can go all out or do something sweet and simple,” Doctor Briggs placed her clipboard on the table and stood. “It’s all up to you.”

*** Wattpad: Commander_Camren

[sunnysidewrites]

College barista!Seungcheol

Based on this prompt: I know I keep coming to the cookie shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need these for my sanity

@officialseungcheol hey hun it’s me, your secret santa!!! I’m so sorry for being late aaaa but I really hope you enjoy this trainwreck!!! I had so much fun drafting this I got so soft omg and I tried to get a feel of what you liked, and I decided to go with a college!au bc you said you liked that!!! We’re finally free from finals so this seemed to fit ❤️❤️💞💞 Merry Christmas honey!!! I hope you spend it with loved ones and have a lovely time so much like yourself!!! it was so fun talking to you and I hope to continue that 🎁🎁🎄🎄🎄🎄 lemme know what you think!!!!

warnings: there’s probably way too much winking and ur gonna burst from too much soft :///

You’re a mess

Well, aren’t we all hun

But you’re pretty sure you’re a deadline away from flipping that cafeteria table across the room

You should have listened to your gut instinct to not tackle your college’s 2 hardest science classes in a single term but here you are suffering they’re also all labs :’))))

It’s way too late for that though!!!! Finals are only in 1 week!!!!

And you are fully ready to tear out all your hair

So,,, many,,,, papers,,,, and projects,,,,

And what’s a better way to relieve your stress through binge eating?

You particularly like eating sweets to satisfy your sweet tooth cravings

You’re always swinging by that little quaint cafe shop fifteen minutes away from your dorm

“I’m also getting some exercise” you tell yourself as you munch on your 9th cookie and counting

Wow. relatable.

The first time you entered, you were there to try out some freshly baked cookies and bought a drink with it

So let’s just say the reason why you keep reentering the cafe isn’t solely because of the bomb treats

“Next, please!”

Your eyes were still on the menu above as you were walking towards the counter

When your eyes finally dropped down you were gonna legit fall bc a beaut like that???? Actually exists???????

His wide doe eyes were looking back at you expectantly, his mouth slightly parted open in a slight grin

“Are you ready to order?” He playfully teased, his smile growing a little more

I’ll have you cheol ;))))) a whole meal

You try to shake yourself out of your trance and proceed to order your classic warm gooey chocolate chip cookies with your drink

This b thinks he’s so slick when he asks for your name

“Y/N”

“Pretty name as the person ;) ;) ;)”

You’re taken aback and you’re trying to ignore your brain internally screaming at you

Your eyes shift to his name tag and you squint and lean forward a little to read the small text

“So is… Seungcheol”

All he does is give you a smile and moves toward the person at the coffee station, so you take that cue to leave with your cookies and find a table

As you get settled down and play on your phone, you occasionally glance up to check the progress of your drink

And ya know,,,,, eye candy,,,, it’s not just the food that’s a snack amirite ;))))

Wow ok i gotta stop lmao

And every. Single. Time. he’s there looking back at you

He even throws in a lil wink wink and you’re like lksddfjkdfkjdl i am only here for my drink

And that was your eventful first encounter with the infamous Choi Seungcheol

The stress didn’t end there though!!!

Finals were inching closer by the second and you were going ballistic over the stress

So you did what anyone does:

STACK ON THEM TREATS

It’s only been a day since you were last in the shop but you were really craving sweets and the lil cafe was now your go-to for everything

As you were walking, you felt just a lil spark of hope that maybe,,,, you would meet him again but you brushed it off as not very likely

Surprise!!! He’s there again!!!!!

He raises his eyebrow at you with a playful smirk and watches you make your way to the line

You order 5 of the same cookies and he’s like oh jeez

“You ate 5 yesterday too,,,, are you okay?”

“loOK ITS FINALS AND I AM NOT GONNA GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT”

And he’s like dude slow your roll

You’re just hammering down those cookies the rest of the week and at this point cheols is Deeply Concerned

“Y/N, you’ve been here every single day for the entire week, not to mention you order 5 at the minimum….. You need a break”

It’s Sunday, which means your finals start tomorrow on Monday

And you’re just an entire wreck like plS I NEED. MY. COOKIES.

“You don’t understand man i need these as my f u e l”

While he’s giving you your change, he nonchalantly shrugs and says, “Well, these cookies here aren’t the best,,,, if you really want it to hit the spot, I know a bakery a few cities away. It would top this place anytime”

And you’re like ,,,,,,,,is this,,,,, a,,,,, date,,,,,,,,,,

“I’ll take you up on that,,,,”

And he’s like :))))) oh here’s my number and he scribbles it down on a napkin

You text him later that day and you’re like “u better not back out of that offer >:( i take my cookies seriously”

Him: “oh sweetie i won’t ;))) hahaha see what i did there”

You: “bye i’m not going anymore”

And then he panics but at least he wished you good luck on your finals lmao

Once you are DONE with hell week, you immediately jump on your plans

“Ok look i just finished finals 3 minutes ago and we are leaving”

“You’re lucky i didn’t have any plans today”

“It’s also bc u like me and u would show me anytime :))))”

You see the lil … pop up and stop a good 5 times and you start freaking out like oh no did that scare him????

But all he does after a solid 7 mins is just send “meet me at the bus stop in 10”

The adventure to the bakery starts and you honestly had a blast

Getting to know him on the way there and back was just so refreshing

You thought he was a playboy but the way he introduces you and the owner there tells you otherwise

You spend the rest of the day trying out 20 different cookies even though you still feel really bad bc they were all “on the house”

And the owner may or may not have told seungcheol “they’re a keeper ;)))))”

and he’s like bro stop

he can’t help but look at you fondly as you gush over the assorted cookies and his ears start turning red

By the time you’re on your way back home, it’s well into the night and you’re about to crash not just from the sugar but from the overwhelming stress of the week

you start to doze off aND HE!! PUTS YOUR HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER!!!!! SIISDJJSJSJHS

He’s fangirling the whole way back what a cutie :’((((

he gently wakes you up and he uses you looking sleepy and disoriented as an excuse to “guide you” and puts his arms around you

You’re way too exhausted to think anything about it so you just accept it and it’s also bc you would have probably fell flat on your face getting off the bus if it weren’t for him steadying you sooooo

He insists on walking you all the way to your dorm even though his is in the opposite direction and you’re like sigh fine but only bc it’s late

When y’all come to a stop in front of your building, he seems to be much more shy and reserved in contrast to the bold, flirty persona in the cafe

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks at you all shyly

“Well, I hope you enjoyed the bakery today,,, I did”

“it was amazing. But you were wrong about it being my favorite”

And he looks at you really quizzically bc it looked like you fell in love with the place so you continue

“You don’t work there and I won’t be able to see you” you kinda mutter and he looks stUNNED

Before the full regret hits you, you step in and give him a quick peck on the cheek and he’s literally frozen the whole time

“Merry Christmas, Seungcheol” you rush to say and then give him a quick wave before zoOMING OUTTA THERE

He watches you disappear in the building and it takes him a full minute to process everything

He can’t stop the gigantic grin from spreading on his face with a soft smile

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

[quarantineculture]

quarantine days 4 and 5

Saturday, March 21, 2020 and Sunday, March 22, 2020

Didn’t update yesterday. You already know why. Zelda, baby!

Anyways, back to your regularly scheduled Quarantine Blogging.

The days are starting to all blur together. It’s hard when I do pretty much the exact same few things every day, just in slightly different order or for varying amounts of time.

RAMBLING ABOUT THINGS I SAW AT THE PARK AND ATTEMPTS TO MAKE UP NAMES FOR LOCAL FLORA AND FAUNA WHOSE NAMES I DO NOT KNOW (with pictures!)

Here’s something funny that I saw/heard yesterday. At the park, there was a family gathered at the edge of the lake, all looking down into something. A little girl, probably 5 or 6, was pointing at a dead fish floating at the surface and saying, “Look at the fish! Can we bring it home?” (I have no idea if she realized it was dead or not, but I am gonna assume yes?) And her sister who’s probably around 9 was like, “Yeah, take it home and we’ll cook it for dinner!” Their parents were trying to be encouraging but not let’s-grab-a-very-dead-fish-out-of-the-pond kind of encouraging.

That fish was probably smaller than the palm of that little girl’s hand. LMAO. You couldn’t feed anyone with that. It was just a funny conversation. Kids are so idealistic.

I wonder what it must be like for kids right now with no school. Do they realize what’s going on? I’m sure they know something is off, but I wonder how excited they are to not have school. Are they going stir crazy yet? I know a lot of college kids are already going stir crazy being stuck at home with their families. It kinda feels like high school again, but we don’t even have school to hang out with people your own age. Also, who came up with the word stir crazy? I feel like I only started hearing it very recently. Maybe because it describes what a lot of people are feeling right now, but I feel like there was a different term that I used before, but I can’t think of it off the top of my head. Restless?

NEVER MIND! I FOUND IT! Thank you, Wikipedia. It’s called cabin fever! That was the word I’m more familiar with. Wikipedia says the therapy for cabin fever/stir-craziness is going outside and direct interaction with nature. Good thing I’ve been doing that every day! Thank God for NYC parks. The one near my house is so big that once you get deep enough in you can’t even really tell you’re still in a city. I mean, you could. But if you look myopically (is that a word?) at just one small area of trees or whatever those grain-like bushy things are called- bushtails? – you could pretend that you’re on a prairie or something and not in New York City.

BUSHTAILS? I know there’s a word for it! Please let me know if you know it.

Yesterday (Saturday) I saw a whopping THIRTY-SEVEN (37) TURTLES! But today I only saw like 6 or 7. It was hard to count exactly because they’re kinda far away and you can’t get too close because of the fence around the whole lake. Today was pretty cold so I guess the turtles stayed inside. Look at this picture. How many turtles does it look like to you? 3? 4? 5? I can’t tell.

It’s blurry because I already had to zoom in a bunch because I was so far away. The struggle is real ☹

Look at these boys above. Don’t they kinda look like they’re playing leap-frog? Hehe.

And here’s a cool bird I saw! Red-breast? I’m just making up common names for things I see around the neighborhood now. If you know what it is please tell me so I don’t make a complete fool of myself. (I think it might be too late.)

REFLECTIONS ON LIFE IN QUARANTINE:

It’s different than the lifestyle I’m used to, but not altogether bad. At school, I’m running around a lot, going to classes, dining halls, hospital job, RA duty, library, meetings, TA-ing, etc. I don’t really spend much time in the dorm at school. (Also because being in my room kinda stressed me out when I was an RA, because I constantly felt like I had to be telling my residents to be quiet, but I wasn’t sure where to draw the line because I thought I might be over-sensitive to noise. It was really difficult.) Since all my friends lived at different parts of campus, I’d usually go over to their place to hang out with them or meet at a dining hall or study somewhere together. But now that we are all practicing ~social distancing~, I get to stay at home and relax all the time. It’s kinda freeing to not have as many obligations and it’s wicked nice to be able to sleep late. But I do have this looming feeling of needing to get work done for my two exams that are coming up, and I really do need to work on my thesis which I am ridiculously, ridiculously behind on.  

A lot of people are making memes commenting on how introverts are actually thriving right now in quarantine because that’s how their (our?) lives are usually. Staying home, doing your hobbies, not leaving the house unless absolutely necessary, etc. I remember having this conversation with several of my very introverted friends – they were telling me that during college winter break, they just stay at home and don’t leave the house for days on end. My roommate was like that. I love that girl so much. She said, and I quote, “Why would I go outside when there are so many things I can do inside?” She pointed out – reading comics, watching TV shows, playing with her sister, browsing Instagram… there was a whole list and I’m only really recalling some of them, but you get the point. I appreciate that. I realized that a lot of the hobbies I had in middle school and high school – playing guitar or piano, writing stories, etc., I just stopped doing in college. I thought it was because I was so much busier with schoolwork, which is true, but I think it’s also because all my friends were so much closer to me in college. Like, there’s nothing stopping you from going to your friend’s house to hang out all afternoon and night if you want when you’re in college. Whereas in middle school or high school, you have to make a whole arrangement between you, your friend, your parents, and your friend’s parents to set up a time and date and place and who’s going to drive you there and back if you want to hang out with them outside school.

So I do appreciate this time to work on my hobbies. I’ve been working on a lil crochet chicken project. It took me a long time to get started but I am making slow progress now! I’m excited for how it turns out. Maybe after I go back to my dorm and get the stuffing and other materials from my room I can make more. I miss my friends kind of, but I guess I’ve already become so accustomed to being back at home that I don’t actively want to go back. I guess since it’s still technically spring break it doesn’t feel as real that the semester’s gonna be completely online now.

GRATITUDE LOG:

Caught some nice horses in Legend of Zelda! Cute dogs in the park. Funny little family talking about bringing home a tiny fish. The weird chiffon cake that my sisters made and gave me even though it didn’t have any sugar in it because they somehow forgot to add sugar. Downloaded a drawing app but haven’t used it yet. Made progress on my little crochet chicken project! Texted a bunch of friends that I haven’t talked to in a while. It’s nice to hear from people that you haven’t heard from in so long. Got a FREE Scribd account to read books!! GET ONE Y’ALL you don’t even need a credit card for 30 days!! Get those books for free that you’ve always wanted to read!

QUARANTINE BY THE NUMBERS (Saturday 3/21)

Time outside basement: 1 hour

Screen time on phone: 6 hours 7 min

Toggl-logged studying: 1 hour 34 minutes

Times I fell asleep while studying: probably at least 3

Turtles spotted: 37

Legend of Zelda: approx. 4 hours

Horses in BoTW tamed: 3 or 4 (I think one of them I tamed, then jumped off, then had to re-tame)

New horses registered in BoTW: 1 (the FASTEST horse EVER!!! SO worth it!)

QUARANTINE BY THE NUMBERS (Sunday 3/22)

Time outside basement: approx. 1 hour 15 min?

Screen time on phone: 5 hours 39 min

Legend of Zelda: 0 playing, a lot listening to music

Toggl-logged studying: 2 hours 25 min (a lot was probably sleeping tho)

Toggl-logged blogging time:

Turtles spotted: 6 or 7

Chocolates eaten: 1 (unfortunately)

[mooseintheocean]

We’ve got this

Rating: General Audiences

Fandom: Supernatural RPF

Relationship: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki

Additional Tags: hat!story; just sayin; a lil’ bit angsty; but also’ fluff; cuddling; non-au

Words:2427

Summary: When the situation requires them to hide their true relationship both are struggling to get through it.

(AO3)

After the last person finished their main course, Jared jumped to his feet gathering dirty plates and asking if anyone would like something to drink with their desserts. He got order for four coffees and some more red wine and then he was out of the dining room with the smile so forced that made Jensen’s heart break in hundred little pieces. He was sure he was the only one who noticed how obvious it was that Jared needed some time off and away from all these people. He excused himself with “I’m going to help him, not enough hands on this one” and was leaving to the “such a good boy”, “his mamma raised him well”, “great friend” chorus sung by Genevieve’s grandmothers and aunts. Ah yes, he was such a good friend that would love to put his friend to bed and cuddle the shit out of him to make him happy and relaxed again. 

Jared was gripping the kitchen sink tight enough that his knuckles turned white. Second coffee was already ready and steaming hot, but Jared made no move to refill the coffeemaker. Jensen hugged younger man's middle from behind and nuzzled his face between Jared’s shoulders blades, placing little kisses through the shirt. He was risking someone walking up on them, but the sink was off the kitchen door in the corner, so they were hidden enough to separate without raising any questions in case someone showed up.

“You look beautiful tonight”, Jensen whispered and he did, in his burgundy sweater with a gray collar poking out and in those tight black jeans hugging his legs in the right way and his hair was perfect, just like Jensen likes it best, full on display but not overly stylized, just hanging loosely. And he knew Jared was itching to put his beanie on, his beloved security blanket, but while he usually could get away with it, it wasn't the case tonight, “Did I tell you that already?”

Jared turned around in his arms and older man caught the end of the eye roll. “Only like five times”, Jared replied pretending to be annoyed but the little pink blush high on his cheeks and the flash of dimples dampened the effect.

“Well, it’s still not enough. I should’ve been telling you that every second”, Jensen’s voice was soft and he was running his thumbs from Jared’s cheeks to his jaw to his temple, where he knew the headache was getting worse and worse as the night progressed.

“You ol’ sap”, Jared’s dimples were on full display now, “turning full rom-com chick in your old days, huh?”

“Ah, what can I say, it’s the Christmas cheer talking”, Jensen was grinning broadly. He could see how this charade was getting to Jared with every passing second, but he was missing him so much too. And it took a lot of his willpower to stop himself from reaching over and cleaning Jared’s face where he smeared a little bit of sauce or from putting back the stray hair that fallen on his face or just putting his hand on Jared’s when it rests on the table. Even though he would have to reach across Danneel to get to Jared. He was really rethinking this whole “let’s not sit next to each other so I won’t grope you in front of the whole family” deal. He knows it is worse for Jared. He couldn’t be here yesterday when the guests arrived (and Jared, like a good Texas boy he is, let them all stay in their house), that would just look weird, with how they’re "just friends" and all that. He got to Jared’s as early as he was able to today, so he could “help out with the dinner, ma'am”, especially since Genevieve is pregnant now. Her grandmother was cooing over him, what a good friend he is and so handsome and sweet while Jared was passing with clean plates to set the table in a dining room and stopped just for a second, putting his head on Jensen’s shoulder and said, “that he is grandma, that he is”. It was the first time Jared touched him beside the way way way too short hug he got upon arriving. And it made his heart take the roller coaster ride inside his chest, as if he was some teenage girl talking to her first crush. And they are grown ass men, they can go couple days without seeing each other but never like this, when the situation requires them to hide their relationship for extended period of time. It always took a lot from Jared. It wasn’t some social media post or even couple hours in front of the fans at the conventions or an interview. It was full on bearding. 24/7 exhausting acting. Being on your toes all the time, hoping nothing will slip out. And it was even worse this time, because usually they could be themselves behind closed doors, but this particular situation required them to be separated and Jared to be at the very front of the battle. Jared's parents and siblings visited as well as Genevieve’s mom and her step-dad. They knew the truth and this Christmas would have looked differently if they were the only guests. But Genevieve and her mom invited their grandmother and aunts that were never let in on the true nature of their relationship. There were plans to just split up for Christmas, just so they would be on the safe side, but both were pretty reluctant about it. Jared had doubts about getting through these couple days pretending to be in a happy relationship with Genevieve without any problems and Jensen didn't want to leave him by himself to deal with the aftermath. Jared is working on his mental health constantly and he is getting better, slowly but surely, but pretending to be someone he is not is a huge part of his problems. They both knew what they were getting into, but sometimes it felt like they were a little in over their heads. Especially with the way it gets to Jared. Jensen still remembers that awful time around European conventions in 2015. It pained him so much to see his boy like this, spinning out of it. And then to let him leave and not be with him for another couple weeks was truly one of the worst times in Jensen's life. Jared has never deserved anything like this happen to him. He was one of the purest souls Jensen has ever met, always kind and loving and compassionate. And seeing this beautiful man struggling so much he always wondered at the injustice of the world. 

They finished the coffees in comfortable silence, casually touching whenever they wanted, trying to make up for the lost time. They shared a slow long kiss just before they went back to the dining room where everyone was waiting. Even if it already was a dessert time it still going to be a long night.

Jensen rolled over in his bed. He came back well over an hour ago, fairly tired and ready to sleep, especially since he was on a baby duty that night so he should get as much sleep as he could when all three little devils were sleeping peacefully. But he couldn't fall asleep. He was wearing one of Jared's t-shirts, because it was very cozy and soft and yes, he missed Jared and it smelled like him. No one ever need to know about that anyway. He very well knew why he had trouble sleeping. He was worried about Jared. He looked exhausted by the time everyone was going to bed. Jensen stayed there as long he could, leaving only to drive the kids and Danneel back home. He saw Jared was fed up with Genevieve. They usually got along alright, especially in those kind of situations, but the constant pretending and playing it up was getting to much. 

He was on a verge of finally falling asleep when he felt his bed dip. That should make him bolt upright fully awake to face the intruder, but his senses were overfilled with the scent he knew all too well. That woody musky scent belonged to one person only. The one person who should always be there right next to him in this bed. Any bed. Anywhere anytime actually. Without really opening his eyes he positioned himself so he could accommodate Jared in any way he wanted. When he felt that warm strong body slip into his arms, a head finding its place on his arm, face all snuggled up to his neck, a strong arm circled around his waist and legs tangled with his legs, he felt at home at last. He might or might not took a huge sniff of Jared's scent before wrapping his arms around his boy, fingers finding their rightful place in the younger man hair moving in a pattern only they knew.

"Did you drive here in the middle of the night?", he whispered right into younger's man ear.

"I walked, actually. So I can pretend I was out running in case I'll get caught in the morning."

"This is ridiculous", Jared visibly tensed at that words and Jensen added hurriedly, "No, not you coming here. You're just were you should be. Just- the fact that we ended up this way. It's just..." Jensen trailed off, they both knew what it was, they have talked about it more then once. But since they didn't figure out a good way out of this yet, there was nothing that could have been done right then. They simply shared body heat for couple minutes in a comfortable silence.

"I've missed you", Jared's voice was barely audible even in the stillness of the room.

"I missed you too", Jensen brought younger man even closer to him, his left hand going up and down Jared's back, "You were an amazing host tonight. I had a great time".

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Coming here in the middle of the night..."

"Sh, I've got you baby. You know I always got your back. And there's nothing you need to apologize for. I'm really happy you came, couldn't sleep alone," Jensen was kissing Jared's face in between the words. He meant it, all of it. There is nothing he wouldn't do for Jared, and all he could do now is to give this beautiful man anything he wants and needs. Because Jared may need a lot of care, attention and love sometimes but Jensen is always happy to provide. Mostly because he loves that man unconditionally, but also because Jared never steals all that, he just borrows it. And he always returns twice as much when he gets better. Being in love with Jared is one of the best things that ever happened to him, second only to being loved by Jared.

"You're amazing you know that right? So strong, getting through all of it for us. I love you so much." He kissed Jared like he was trying to pour all that love he has got for him right into his mouth and was selfishly stealing every breath Jared gave him, just to make himself breathe easier. He cradled Jared as close to him as he could, trying to make him feel loved and cared for and protected from the whole world outside. “Sleep now, baby duty tonight.”

He woke up with the feeling of being observed and sure enough when he opened his eyes there were two sets of grinning faces looking back at him.

"We were wondering if you can wake up just from people staring at you," said Jared and JJ giggled.

"Apparently I can," said Jensen, wiping his face with his hand, "shouldn't you be sleeping young lady?"

"Bad dreams," Jared quickly replied and hugged JJ closer to his chest where she was sitting between the two of them.

"Is this why you are here, uncle Jared? Did you have a bad dream too?", JJ asked. It was quite rare for them to stay here together, they usually stayed at Jared's guest house, so she wasn't really used to seeing them both in Jensen's bedroom in the middle of the night.

"You could say so. Your daddy is the best for when you have nightmares, he can always protect you," Jared answered JJ, but his eyes never left Jensen's. He was looking at him with such fond expression and love that Jensen had to blink back... something, definitely not tears. He will blame it all on being tired if Jared ever brings it up.

"Alright princesses, lie down and let's get you some more sleep," they arranged JJ between them, but Jensen did everything he could to still be able to hold Jared, "did she wake you up?"

"While she was climbing up the bed."

"Uhm, sorry. And then uncle Jared told me shhhh and that you should look at something pretty to make the nightmares go away quicker and then we were just watching you. You woke up pretty fast", they both giggled.

"All right, all right you two. Sleep now or you won't get any dessert tomorrow." Now that was a real scare for both of them. Jared quickly closed his eyes and pretended to snore. JJ giggled and followed suit. And Jensen couldn't be happier. He gripped Jared's octopus hand where it was lying on his waist and closed his eyes loving the strong squeeze he got in response. He was ready to drop off again.

He was woken up couple hours later by cries from the baby monitor. He quickly turned it off, so his precious bed mates wouldn't wake up. Jensen sighed and looked down at Jared. Just watching him sleep safe and sound in his arms made everything seemed fine now. Sometimes he is afraid he will sell them out during cons or interviews with the way he gets caught up in his love for this boy. And he definitely does not want to ruin everything they worked so hard for and everything that has cost Jared, because he cannot reign in his heart eyes. This thing is bigger than him and it scares him shitless. But if it means having Jared next to him like that for the rest of his life he was willing to be freaking terrified for ever.

He kissed both heads that were barely sticking from under the covers and went to the twins' room to check up on them.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, 3.18.2017

this week: lorde’s back!; the oxford comma as indicator of song quality; requiem for “Run Up,” the song only i like

28) "Stay," by Zedd & Alessia Cara

I dunno. I kept just kinda wishing the song would actually be "Closer," by The Chainsmokers ft./Halsey, instead of this acceptable "Closer" substitute. It didn't hit me the same way even "It Ain't Me" did a couple weeks back. There's nothing here. It's a sad song executed with competency, nothing more, possibly something less. Honestly, it exited my mind while I was typing this.

34) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos

OH MY GOODNESS I DIDN'T KNOW FRANK OCEAN AND MIGOS KNEW HOW TO BE THIS BREEZY. This song kind of sounds like the first time either party has had anything like fun in years. It's almost like they've grown unfamiliar with the concept and are attempting to reacquaint themselves, like, there’s a brief auto-tune rap part, and hearing auto-tune rap over a non-trap track was the most jarring experience I've had in 2017 to date (non-Trump division). I think this song's a grand ol' time on the whole, though! I'm not as big on it as some people, as indicated by all the reactions and covers I found on YouTube instead of the song (UGH YOU MADE ME GET MY PHONE YOU JERKS), but there's a lot of value in a (potential) megahit that's funky and not ponderous.

37) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna

This is so far from my idea of what a Future song is that I was honestly concerned when it started up when I was listening to HNDRXX. I almost feel bad that I'm sort of lukewarm on HNDRXX as a whole, simply because, when it's on, it's really dope, it really justifies the collective effort we've been sinking into Future for the past couple of years. I don't know that there's anyone else on Future's level that's capable of making a song like this. ...I'm kinda just making sweeping generalizations about this song that don't really dive into the meat of it, am I. WELL OKAY HERE'S THAT THING NO ONE WANTS. I really love the idea of a couple admitting they want to be one person and they want to be a selfish person, the couple only wants to think about the couple, is a really interesting metaphor, and Future and Rihanna give really strong vocal performances (didja know, rihanna's good at this) that lend the song this really sad edge, so it still feels as self-loathey as the rest of Future's work.

48) "Comin Out Strong," by Future ft./The Weeknd

This is more standard Future, just slow, depressing meandering over a trap beat. Like, I dunno. It's kind of like "Stay," that song I barely remember from earlier, it's just a sad song done well enough I guess. It's a waste of a Weeknd cameo, honestly, like you're gonna get The Weeknd in here and have him just do this? A'ight, man. I dont get it, but it's your world.

78) "Make Love," by Gucci Mane ft./Nicki Minaj

I think I'm just cranky today. Woke up at 3 AM, had a boring day at Job, now I have to deal with this go-nowhere song where neither party sounds like they're really interested in what they're doing. Maybe I oughta take a breather, no one exepcts this the day the chart drops, no one even expects this, I can come back tomorrow. But man. Listening to this song feels like going to a restaurant and getting in line behind someone who's never been to that restaurant before and has to ask about all the menu options. "Is the orange chicken good?" Man we're at fucking Leeann Chin how could it possibly be good. And you're kinda looking across the way at the other restaurants and wondering what might've been, but you're in too deep, you committed to this place, and you're go -- yep, she took the green beans. Great. Now you either have to wait for green beans or order one of the lesser sides. YES I'M AWARE THIS STOPPED BEING AN ANALOGY AND NOW I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT SOME RUBE AT THE LEEANN CHIN, POINT IS, THIS SONG BLOWS.

89) "Losin Control," by Russ

I feel lied to. I feel fucking lied to, Russ. There is a certain promise in the title "Losin Control." I was banking on this promise. I was hoping, after a lesser Future song and "Make Love," that this would be a delightful party jam about making bad decisions at a nightclub. What the fuck is this. What the goddamn fuck IS this, Russ. What is this moaning slow-ass dumb fuckery. The best thing that can be said for this song is that Russ himself is not a character in the song, that he is the one to be patient with the broken woman and be a better man worthy of her love. Thank you for at least doing the bare fucking minimum, Russ. We had "Run Up" a month ago. "Run Up" was a fun, tropical party song worthy of your love and respect. I'm bouncing it to #4 on my chart this week, out of respect for what the top three songs are able to do on the chart, but I still believe in "Run Up" with every fiber of my being. Y'all are telling me you wanna listen to some fuckhead with a manbun plaintively whine a sad story about a girl who got cheated on the one time. I can't possibly imagine hating this world more.

92) "God, Your Mama, and Me," by Florida Georgia Line ft./Backstreet Boys

NOW WHAT I DID AT THE END RIGHT THERE, THAT'S WHAT WE CALL A SET-UP, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus FUCKING Christ this is a thing that actually exists. I mean, it's pathetic. There's so little effort put into the song that it's not even insincere. The fact that, in the list of people who love the girl, the dudes in Florida Georgia Line LITERALLY REPLACE HER FATHER is unconscionably gross, like oh my stars fuck that so hard, "That's right, Daddy, I love your little girl more than you," SO GROSS. There is one saving grace in this song, the Oxford comma in the title, but even THAT speaks to how inauthentic and manufactured and fucking gross this song is: does anyone honestly think, if this song were really country, anyone would care enough to observe semi-antiquated punctuation usage and include an Oxford comma in the song title? BECAUSE THEY FUCKING WOULDN'T. The Oxford comma illustrates that this song comes from the suits in corporate, demanding a hit be delivered AND THAT IT BE OVERTLY CHRISTIAN. Goddamned pathetic.

96) "Hometown Girl," by Josh Turner

country music is sort of a form of low fantasy at this point. it's just a bunch of dudes sitting around, taking about a place that has never existed, thinking about people who have never lived. like real talk, swap the cowboy hats for big-ass fake swords and replace the guitars with dice, baby, you've got a game of D&D.

100) "Green Light," by Lorde

It's hard for me to be neutral about this song? Because hey, even divorced from the context of this wretched week, this is really dope, I'm stoked Lorde is back and considerably improved, I love that the song's about something mature without going all "HEY GUYS ADULTHOOD = FUCKING" about it, it's just someone moving on from a relationship that stopped being for her (and also Lorde's progression as an artist but pffft fuck that who cares about that part), but after all I went through to get here? THIS IS THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG OF ALL TIME. Anything that isn’t Florida Georgia Line would earn undying love and respect at this point. (But Josh TI KNOW WHAT I SAID. Still, even if I hear "Green Light" after hearing and thinking about good songs for half an hour, I expect it'll hold up quite well. because Lorde is interesting and Jack Antonoff’s solid and this is just awesome work. LORDE'S BACK! YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!

/sigh/ The Top 20. Yeah, I’m bummed. But “iSpy” and “Issues” and “Despacito” are all at least as good! But like maybe I’m the fool? Maybe I’m just weirdly obsessed with a song that only spent one week on the pop chart? It would be just like me, too, to declare Song of the Year a song that was on the chart for one week in February. Ten years ago, mighta been The Game and Kanye West’s “Wouldn’t Get Far,” this year, it’s “Run Up.” Y’know? (This outro paragraph is a backdoor pilot for YELLIN’ AT SONGS: 2007 EDITION.) 20) "Running Back," by Wale ft./Lil Wayne (2.11) 19) "I'm Better," by Missy Elliott ft./Lamb (2.18) 18) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo (1.14) 17) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 16) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 15) "Draco," by Future (3.11) 14) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 13) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 12) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 11) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 10) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 9) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 8) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 7) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 6) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 5) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 4) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14)