#princesa lili

[cinamonrolts]

[wellcometo-myheart]

[amirasainz]

Hey could I request one where mini alonso meets the wags and takes a liking to Alexandra and lily zneimer.

Enjoy reading and send some requests!!!

-xoxo babygirl 💕

Princess Make-Up

The paddock was alive with the familiar hum of engines, chatter, and clinking coffee cups, but today, something — or rather someone — was stealing the spotlight. Three-year-old Yn Alonso, sporting a pair of sparkly play high heels, oversized sunglasses, and a mini Disney handbag, strutted alongside her father, Fernando, with all the confidence of a seasoned model. The F1 paddock, usually reserved for roaring engines and serious faces, had suddenly transformed into her personal runway.

Fernando chuckled as he watched his little girl prance with exaggerated steps, clearly relishing in the attention. "Where did you learn to walk like that, mi princesa?" he asked, amusement flickering in his eyes.

Yn pushed her sunglasses up her nose with a dramatic flair, barely glancing back at her father. "Papá, I'm busy. I need to get to my fans," she replied, her voice full of sass as she twirled around, causing a few members of the pit crew to chuckle.

As they made their way through the paddock, they encountered several drivers lounging around. Oscar, Lando, and Carlos were chatting near McLaren’s hospitality area when they spotted the duo.

"Well, well, who’s this little superstar?" Carlos grinned, kneeling down to Yn's level. "Can I get an autograph?"

Yn looked at him over the rim of her sunglasses, one eyebrow raised in an unintentional imitation of her father. "Hmmm, maybe later," she said nonchalantly, waving her tiny hand. "I’m busy right now."

Lando laughed. "I think you’ve been dethroned, Fernando. She’s got more attitude than half the drivers here."

Fernando took a sip of his espresso, an amused smirk on his face. "Oh, trust me, I know."

Just then, Lily, Oscar’s girlfriend, walked over, giving Yn a warm smile. “Well, aren’t you just the cutest little princess I’ve ever seen?”

Yn's face lit up. "Princess?" she gasped, her eyes widening as she took in Lily’s perfect hair and stylish outfit. She tugged on her father's sleeve excitedly. "Papá, she’s a princess!"

Lily crouched down, her eyes softening. “Of course I am. But I think you’re the real princess here.” She held out her hand, and Yn immediately placed her tiny hand in it, looking up at her in awe.

Yn took a step closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. "We could be princesses together," she proposed, as if revealing a grand secret.

Lily laughed, absolutely charmed. "Oh, I would love that."

Seeing his daughter’s pure delight, Fernando couldn’t help but chuckle. He leaned back, sipping his espresso with a relaxed smile. He hadn’t seen Yn this animated around anyone besides him.

As they continued their little princess chat, Yn noticed Lily had a compact mirror out, carefully touching up her lipstick. Intrigued, Yn dug into her tiny handbag and pulled out her wooden play makeup set, the pieces worn but clearly loved. She opened a pretend lipstick and began mimicking Lily’s movements with utter seriousness.

“Oh my gosh, is that your makeup set?” Lily asked, amused.

Yn nodded proudly. "Yup! This is my special makeup. It’s got sparkles," she explained, applying her invisible lipstick with practiced precision. "Do you like it?"

“I love it,” Lily assured her, applying her real lipstick while Yn kept at her imaginary one. The two of them giggled and compared "lipstick" shades, drawing quite the audience.

Lando crossed his arms, watching the scene unfold with a look of fake jealousy. “What happened? I used to be Yn’s favorite,” he said with a dramatic sigh.

Oscar nudged him. “Mate, you’ve been replaced. Look at them — they’re a royal duo now.”

Carlos shook his head, sighing. "This is hard to watch," he said with a grin. "I don’t think we’ll ever be able to compete."

Fernando watched, a smirk playing on his lips as he listened to the drivers' banter. "I guess you boys just don’t have what it takes," he said, chuckling.

Lily, noticing the crowd, gave Yn an encouraging look. “Should we show everyone our princess wave?”

Yn, always up for a new challenge, nodded. Together, they held their hands up in that classic royal wave, greeting the imaginary crowds. The drivers chuckled and applauded, while Yn, clearly delighted by the attention, curtsied as best as she could in her little heels.

After a while, Yn seemed to remember something very important. She ran over to her father, practically leaping into his arms. “Papá! Can Lily come with us forever?” she asked, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

Fernando raised an eyebrow, trying to keep a straight face. "Forever, hmm? Well, princesa, that might be a bit tricky. Lily has to stay with Oscar, remember?"

Yn looked over at Oscar, clearly considering this dilemma. She furrowed her little brow. "Hmm. Oscar can come too, I guess."

The entire group burst into laughter, with Oscar raising his hands in mock surrender. "Well, I don’t mind being part of the Alonso crew,” he said with a grin.

Lily smiled, patting Yn’s shoulder. “How about I come visit you as often as I can, okay?”

Yn nodded happily, seeming satisfied with this arrangement. She grabbed Lily’s hand and led her back to their “makeup session” while the drivers continued to watch, each one more smitten with Yn than the next.

Fernando took another sip of his espresso, a soft smile on his face. "Better get used to it, boys. She’s got the Alonso charm."

[rene-spade]

Ok but how are the crazy f1 dads with their daughters dating? Who on the grid do they like?

oof this is a loaded ask bc they really are all out of it 😭 they just love their babies fr

♤ ♤ ♤

dad! kimi | growing up räikkönen!

FIRST OF ALL kimi doesn’t really vibe with most people in general, let alone anyone who’s trying to get with his little lumienkeli. kimi was lucky to raise a little girl similar to him, who listens when he places a no dating rule lasting until she’s 21 (as far as he knows anyways). despises the guys on the grid trying to get with her; he was one of them once so he thinks of them as animals, especially leclerc who’s known for his brow-raising dating life. also hates pierre but he already didn’t fw him bc he’s french. he is SLIGHTLY more easy going with women around his daughter so any grid guys with girlfriends might have an advantage. he finds that he wants the im-a-dog-and-ill-do-whatever-my-girl-says type for his daughter, but he dislikes unintelligence. he does not like anyone on the grid, but he best tolerates:

mick schumacher!

oscar piastri (+lily)

he vibes with kika okay but hates pierre 💀

bonus! he actually really likes max but his hate/distrust for jos overpowers that so he’s not letting that happen

♤ ♤ ♤

dad! jenson | growing up button!

OK SO JENSON is a bit less intense than kimi, however he is much more publicly affectionate with his daughter which means that he has definitely gone on public rants about how no man is good wen enough for his baby. that being said, he is a decent judge of character so he doesn’t hate anyone on the grid. but he gets real serious when he notices people hitting on his baby. this is mostly bc he was def a whore when he was younger so he isn’t quick to trust guys who are living the same lifestyle he was. he kind of turns on dad-mode when he notices anyone eyeing her up. but alas, he raised his own mini-me, who attracts just about everyone, and who likes to flirt back. it takes warming up to, but he can see himself fine with most of the drivers. he most prefers people who are friendly and who didn’t act like him when he was in f1 like:

george russel

daniel ricciardo

lando norris

♤ ♤ ♤

dad! fernando | growing up alonso!

NANDO IS DEFINITELY one of those guys who thinks he’s a “cool dad” bc he’s a young father and his daughter is his best friend. but in reality he’s one of those intense, fiercely overprotective dads who have impossibly high expectations for his daughters partner. 100% the type to punch a mechanic for saying gross things about his princesa. he’ll be calm and in a good mood then someone on the grid (or any man ever) mentions his daughter and he’s like 😐. UNLESS! it’s carlos. carlos is the only one who meets his standards, sorry to literally everyone else. but even with carlos, he can be a little stern just to get his point across about not messing with his only child. he just feels the need to personally approve of his daughter’s partner bc he’s hyper-paranoid about someone hurting her. his list looks something like:

carlos sainz!!!

that’s it

i mean if you put a gun to his head maybe max bc he’s a winner but he needs to learn to speak spanish so-

♤ ♤ ♤

dad! jos | growing up verstappen! unfortunately

FUCK JOS VERSTAPPEN obviously, however this man is one crazy dad who we have to discuss. his love for his youngest daughter is wild and unpredictable, and it’s very different from the way he treats his other children. his baby has some extreme one-sided beef with him that he’s smart enough to know about, so he isn’t too forceful about bonding, it’s definitely more desperate since max found success in f1 and she sticks with her big brother now. her entire life, he’s never allowed her to date, and when he found out about her first secret bf, he got arrested for trying to kill the kid so. he has IMPOSSIBLY high standards for his daughters partner and definitely wants her to marry within the f1 community, but he hates losers and despises half the grid.

suddenly he’s charles leclerc’s biggest fan !

lewis hamilton but he’ll never admit it

MAYBE carlos sainz

bonus! max obvi likes daniel ricciardo best but jos doesn’t fw him like that

♤ ♤ ♤

Ren

[tieronecrush]

part of me, apart from me

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

word count: 14k....its a whole thing okay?

summary:

kindly requested from a lovely anon "You and Javi had one kid together when you were very young, maybe you broke up due to his work schedule. You reunite at their college graduation 👀"

javier & you had daughter right after he graduated college, you with a couple years left yourself. when she was 15, he got the call to head to colombia, deciding with you to pursue his career and leave the two of you in the safety of laredo. seven years later, your daughter is graduating from college and javier is back home for good after cali, forcing himself to face what he finds are his failures, and hold out hope that you still feel the same as he does.

warnings (SPOILERS): BIG self doubt, self deprecation, heavy guilt, separated relationship, co-parenting, javier being in unrequited love, chucho being a king and a great grandfather & father, strained familial relationships on mother's side, discussions of death/violence/drugs, smoking, alcohol use, mentions of food/eating, use of spanish, javi has total DAD moments, he is a DILF ofc, dirty talk, oral sex (f & m (briefly) receiving), unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, becomes established relationship, etc.

a/n: i don't think the anon who requested this realized what it would do to my brain, but i have created a whole universe for this fic. i am in love with their little family and they will live forever in my head and heart. a huge thank you to my bestie el @northernbluess for screaming about javi, this fic, giving me the title for this, and beta-reading this long ass fic for me. love you friend!!!! hope you all enjoy, and that you love them as much as i do!

The engine of Javier’s truck cuts as he turns the ignition, the loud rumble of its mechanics quieting to reveal the sounds of birds chirping. For Texas in May, it’s a pretty mild day, sunlight shining bright against the blue sky. There’s a handful of wispy clouds above him as he opens the door and steps down from the cab, shutting it with a metallic click. He rolls his shoulders and swings his arms to loosen up, the sweat at the nape of his neck is from his nerves more than the temperature.

It’s been two years since he has seen his daughter, Liliana, in person. He’d come back from Colombia after everything that went down with the Cali cartel and the government only a mere 48 hours ago. He’s exhausted, but he made the drive from Laredo to College Station to see his princesa, the light of his life for the last twenty-two years, graduate from college. Specifically, his alma mater, Texas A&M University.

He has been counting down the days until he was back for this occasion, after repeatedly reminding everyone in the embassy that he would be out of the country. It just so happens that he doesn’t need to return to Colombia as he had originally planned.

A deep inhale and slow exhale attempt to calm the jitters that are trembling his fingers.

Fuck, he really wants a cigarette.

But Lili would kill him if he showed up smelling like burnt tobacco when he had promised a week ago he was on the Nicorette thing.

Instead, he shakes his head to himself and hooks his sunglasses in the open chest of his light blue short-sleeve button-up. Out of habit, he reaches to his lower back to feel for his pistol, his touch brushing denim.

Another inhale, slow exhale.

He can do this.

It’s you and his daughter. Two people that he loves. Two people he’s been working for.

Maybe that’s why he’s so fucking nervous.

How can you welcome him back every time he makes a visit? How can his daughter be excited to talk to him every week from across the equator? He’s been gone for years. Most of her teenage life, and nearly all of her college career. He’s only been back once since she moved to university. Once.

What a fucking asshole.

Certainly not a good father.

His boots tick against the pavement of the front path up to the dingy, weather-worn two-story house. He remembers getting photographs of Liliana in front of this house a couple of years ago, sent from you and stuffed in an envelope along with photos retelling her entire summer. That one of her standing proudly in front of this house hung on his fridge until he packed it up two days ago.

Every day he looked at it, he wished nothing more than to have been like one of her friends’ dads that helped with moving in and fixing up the house, maybe slipping her a hundred dollar bill to spend on groceries or alcohol on his way out to the car after saying goodbye.

Instead, he was stuck in Colombia under the thumb of the U.S. government and sleazy CIA agents that were controlling him like a puppet.

He’s here now, though. And he’s trying so hard to get over the tightness in his chest, to clear the lump in his throat, and to dry his sweaty palms when he gets up the creaky wooden steps and up to the front door. His middle finger presses the doorbell aggressively, taking a step back and shaking out his shoulders again.

Gaze focused on his shoes, he looked up as he heard the door unlock. A wide, genuine grin breaks out on his face when he sees Liliana in the threshold, that same smile copied and pasted onto hers, even down to the dimple on his right cheek.

“Tata (Dad)! You’re here!” she exclaims, jumping out of the door and hooking her arms around his neck. He laughs as he catches her, one arm wrapping around her waist and his other hand reaching up to hold the back of her head. He pets her long, brunette hair, squeezing her in a tight hug against his chest.

“Oh, Lili Pad. Missed you so much, mija.” He kisses the side of her head before loosening his hold on her, taking in the sight of his daughter after seeing her only through photographs for years.

“Tata, I’m graduating college tomorrow. Not little Lili Pad anymore.”

Her eye roll gives Javier’s attitude a run for its money.

Damn, she really got a lot from his gene pool.

The same deep brown eyes with hints of amber, softened and round give away their every emotion. The same mouth that finds a perfect pout, combined with those eyes he was always pushed over when she was younger. Anything she wanted, he would give to her. Even now.

She has your nose, though. Your ears. Your feminine facial structure. Your charming, warm personality.

“You’re always gonna be Lili Pad, amorcita. Always gonna be my babygirl,” he presses another kiss to her temple, unraveling her from him, “But you have grown into such a beautiful woman, Lili. You remind me of your mamá when she was your age.”

“There’s that Peña charm.”

He looks over his daughter’s shoulder and sees you leaning against the banister, arms crossed over your chest with a smirk playing at your lips. His heart rate increases to double speed, his now dry hands clamming up again as he drinks you in from head to toe.

Years away and he is still so fucking in love with you.

Another reason to curse his time in Colombia.

It was a mutual decision, to split up before he left. There was no timeline for how long he would be gone or when he could come back that first time he went down there.

And there was no way in hell he was putting the two most important people in his life in the middle of what was basically a fucking warzone.

So, that was that. Co-parents, and close friends.

And an agonizing ache every time he saw you since he left.

He grins right back at you, Lili waving him inside after her. Crossing the entryway to you, he opens his arms with a quirk of his brows.

Your smirk reaches its full stretch, shifting into a gracious smile as you drop your arms and step into his, snaking your hands around to his back. He holds you tightly, a shorter embrace than the one with Liliana but long enough for your signature scent to pull him back to being a young, dumb college student who was madly in love. A chaste kiss is pressed to your cheek before he pulls away.

“I’m pretty sure she gets that from you, amor. I don’t recall a time when you weren’t able to get what you wanted — everyone you meet thinks you’re a delight.”

“See? More charm. Laying it on a little thick, Jav,” you tease, hitting your fist against his bicep gently.

He glances at your arm when you lower it back to your side, catching the glint of the bracelet with Liliana’s initials in gold charms that is always on your wrist. He gave it to you after she was born, once she was taken home from the hospital and the two of you were standing over her crib watching her sleep. Ever since then, he’s never seen you without it.

“Alright, alright. Enough of the weird, complimentary back-and-forth you guys do. Do you wanna see the place before I move out, viejo?” Lili cuts in and Javi’s eyes leave your wrist to look at her with a smile.

“Ay, no soy viejo, princesa (Ay, I am not old, princess). Now lead the way and no more making fun of me,” he nods for her to walk ahead of him, taking a few steps and glancing back at you, “You not coming on the tour, amor?”

You shake your head and give Liliana a look that says ‘Care to explain?’. Being on the receiving end of that look many times, he knows it a bit too well coming from you.

“Mom is being amazing and helpful and wonderful like Mom always is and is packing my closet for me.” Lili cringes as she admits it to her father, Javier shaking his head and letting out a long exhale.

“Liliana, you have known you’re moving for months and you’ve waited until the day before graduation to pack? Dios, somos demasiado parecidos (God, we are too much alike),” he nods for her to continue walking as you laugh behind him, the sound traveling as you walk upstairs and bringing a faint smile to his lips as he follows his daughter.

He hovers around Lili’s room as you pace from her closet to the cases laid out on the floor, organizing everything and folding as you walk back and forth. Your daughter is downstairs, tasked with packing up her items from the kitchen and the living room. Javi’s been given the whole tour, now dropped off to “catch up with Mom”, as Lili put it.

Across the surfaces and walls, he spies the little gifts he’s sent her over his years away: all of the birthday cards he’s hand-picked and written letters in stacked in a box on her desk, the mola depicting lilies framed and hanging on her wall, the brightly colored Wayuu mochila that he’d bought from one of the open air markets in Bogotá hanging off of the door knob to her closet.

There’s a sharp pain in his chest when he sees the small picture frames sitting on her nightstand. He sits on the edge of her bed and picks them up one by one to study them. The first is a photo of you and Lili, smiling from ear to ear. He recognizes the photo as one he took on his visit before last, the one he made before Lili went to college. The pair of you are standing in the middle of an overgrown field on the Peña ranch, sun setting in the background. Lili insisted on watching the sunset all together on Javi’s last night at home, and he snuck the camera out with the three of you.

He has a copy of the photo right next to his bed, too.

Setting the frame down delicately, he picks up the next one, this one of Lili and him alone. It’s from years ago, the wide smile on Lili’s face showing off her missing front tooth. Javi grins back at his little girl in the photo, his eyes combing over to the younger version of him, way back when he was a sheriff in Laredo. It must have been during the holidays — there’s a shiny plastic red gift bow on his chest and Lili is wearing a knit sweater with a snowman on it.

Where did all the time go?

The last photograph grows the lump in his throat and the ache in between his ribs. It’s a photo of the three of you, one from his most recent visit a couple of years ago. Dressed up for a Dean’s Award ceremony that Liliana was nominated for. She looks like the spitting image of you, and you are absolutely glowing with pride for her. You two are so beautiful. He looks exhausted, anxiety in his eyes that never seems to have left since his first year in the DEA. It was around the time when he thought he was going to be able to stay, to be around for Lili and for you. He told you what happened in Colombia that got him sent home; you understood, of course, you understood why he did it all. And he admitted it all with the faintest smile on his face, the thought of getting to settle was appealing more and more to him.

And then he got the call.

He battled with the decision.

He talked to you about it.

You said, “We’re always gonna be here, Jav. You need to go. What’s a few more years?”

Everything. A few more years was everything.

He missed so much.

“You okay, Jav?”

He looks up from the photo in his hands, eyes focusing back on the room instead of a million miles ahead. You are kneeling next to one of the suitcases, carefully placing some of your daughter’s clothes in neatly. Those eyes you’re giving him turn his brain to mush, all of the escalating thoughts dripping away.

“Yeah, yeah, all good. Reminiscing,” he nods to himself as he turns the photo for you to see before setting it back down, pulling a grin onto his face, “Do you remember when the three of us would all go out to dinner or meet up with my tíos and tías when Lili was a baby? And they would always ask us when we were getting married?”

A gentle laugh comes from you as you think back, knowing how many times you got asked the same question over and over again.

“Yes, I definitely remember that. I also remember you getting so annoyed one day that you just—”

“Lied and said that we got married at the courthouse?”

“Yes! I got such an onslaught of questions after you said that. That news, which wasn’t even news, spread like wildfire throughout your family.”

“Well, at least it got people off our backs, esposa,” he winks, grin lifting to one side to meld into a smirk.

You roll your eyes dramatically, the wide smile peeling your lips apart making Javi’s heart race faster.

“You want some help, amor? Feel like an imbécil not doing anything,” he slaps his hands on his knees as he stands from Lili’s bed, taking the handful of steps that separate you. One knee is bent to bring him down to the ground, huffing out a sigh as he gets fully onto his knees.

“Sure you’re gonna be able to get up from the floor, viejo?” You raise an eyebrow at him as you continue to put rolled clothes into the luggage. Javier rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

“I think I can handle getting up from the ground, bromista. Been jumping off of roofs and trekking through fucking jungles for seven years.” He doesn’t wait for your response, grabbing one of the unfolded shirts from next to you and attempting to fold it as neatly as you’ve done with the rest of them.

“Alright, alright. I believe you. How about I roll, you organize what I hand you into the suitcase? Sounds good?” You hold a hand out for the shirt in his hand, a small laugh as he resigns his attempt and passes the fabric over.

“Sí, jefa (Yes, boss),” a soft grin pulls one side of his mouth up, deepening the dimple on his right cheek. You look at him with your own tender smile when you hand him a rolled pair of jeans to put away, reaching your hand up to poke the little crevice in his cheek like you always do — like you always did.

The two of you work quietly for a few minutes, falling into a rhythm. Liliana makes noise from downstairs, cabinets open and closing, sounds of bubble wrap being ripped echoing throughout the house.

“How’re you doin’, Jav?”

The question strikes him, slumping his shoulders and training his gaze on the shirt in his hands as he rubs his index and thumb over the softened cotton.

It’s a simple enough question; he expected you to ask when you first saw him. In a greeting, he thought it would be easy to brush it off, tell you ‘Estoy bien’ or that he was happy to be home.

But right now, packing up his daughter’s clothes to move her out of college and back into your home — the day before his little girl’s graduation — it feels too difficult to lie.

Sitting alone here with you, the mother of his daughter, the beauty that gave him his greatest gift, the woman — the strong, commanding, warm, gentle woman that he is still so incredibly in love with — is drawing the truth out of him before he can fully catch up with what he’s admitting.

“Feeling like a real pendejo. I missed so much. Too much, amor. I’m sorry.”

“Jav. You are here now. You always show up when she needs her Tata. Even if it’s not physically, you show up for her every day. No more of that talk this weekend, do you hear me? You’re here. That’s it. Not missing anything.”

How do you always know what to say to him?

How did he ever walk away from you?

Javier nods his head, pressing his lips into a tight line as his fingers twitch for nicotine. He would kill for that slow drag of smoke filling his lungs, relaxing his racing mind and heart with a break that lasts as long as the burning paper and tobacco.

Instead, he stands on his knees, grabbing the plastic pack out of his pocket and popping out a chiclet of gum, tossing it into his mouth, and chewing furiously. The look on your face is observational, a twitch of your lips into the faintest grin calms him nearly as much as a cigarette would.

He sits back on his haunches, one of his hands reaching to touch you, faltering when your head turns down to fold the item of clothing in your hands.

“Te quiero, esposa,” his hand grazes his fingertips along the denim covering his thighs, twitching to move the hair curtaining your face, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Jav,” your head shakes back and forth subtly, eyes lifting from your lap and softening as you smile at him, “Love you, too.”

“Jesús Cristo, Liliana, you have a lot of shit. I went to college with a suitcase and a duffle bag — and left four years later with just the duffle bag,” Javier shakes his head as he carries the last piece of luggage downstairs to the living room where the rest of her packed belongings are accumulating to pack up in your three cars the day after her graduation.

“God, Jav, you sound like my father. ‘I walked twelve miles to school with rocks in my backpack and in a foot of snow’,” you drop your voice to mock him, laughing with your daughter as she walks in from the kitchen and stands next to you, “Getting to be an old man, Peña.”

“Mamá is right, Tata. You’re the youngest dad out of all my friends and you sound the oldest right now,” Lili says through a wide smile, and you laugh with her now, sending Javier a brightly teasing grin.

He grumbles and rolls his eyes, waving a hand at both of you dismissively.

“Yeah, yeah. Enough from you two bromistas. Y’know, I didn’t miss you two ganging up on me — it was one thing through the phone, but in person is just too much.”

Your tongue clicks and you walk over to him, pinching his cheek as you pass by him, “Aw, Jav, it’s all love. You’re just easy to rile up, makes it fun.”

You wink at him with your back to Liliana, slipping out of the room to grab more of her boxes from the kitchen. At your touch and the minuscule flirtation, his heart rate thumps louder in his ears. His eyes follow you out of the room, snapping back when Liliana asks him a question. He shakes himself out of the trance, looking over to his daughter and stepping over to where she’s stood in front of an open box.

“Qué pasa, mija? (What’s up, my daughter?)” Javier reaches an arm up and wraps it around her shoulders, holding her against his side as he presses a kiss to her head. His eyes drop to what’s held in front of her, a chill running down his spine when he sees a photo of Escobar across the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading ‘ESCOBAR KILLED IN MEDELLÍN’.

“Do you want this copy, Tata? I kept two of them, but I think the other one is already packed away and I don’t know if I need both anymore really. Kept one to show my professors all about you,” Lili turns her head and looks up at him.

Javier shakes his head, a tight smile facing his daughter before he drops his arm from her shoulders.

“No, no thanks, mija. No need to keep the other one either. I wasn’t even there for that, amorcita. I think I was actually about to come over to Mamá’s house to see you when I got the call,” he tasks his antsy hands with sealing a cardboard box with packing tape, “May as well toss them out. Or send them to Mr. Murphy if you want them to be kept safe.”

“I don’t want to get rid of the other one. I want to keep it. Even if you weren’t there for it, you still did so much work to get to that point, Tata. I mean, you doing all of that in Colombia is what made me want to do criminal psychology,” she carefully slips the newspaper into one of the open boxes, closing it up and holding her hand out for the tape roll.

“Mi princesa, you—“

“I know, Tata. I promise I am not going to be running on rooftops or caught in the middle of shootouts with the DEA. No fighting cartels, viejo. I just want to work with profiling and behind-the-scenes stuff.” She takes the tape, closing up the box completely as Javier’s heart cinches in his chest.

He is so incredibly proud of his Lili Pad, but he can’t deny how angry he got when Liliana chose her major finally — of course, it had to be criminology. She explained she was drawn to it because of his work, but assured that she is not interested in doing the same thing he has done for years. Behind the scenes, possibly going into forensic psychology or helping to profile criminals. Office jobs, for the most part. But he couldn’t shake that anger inside for months; never been angry with his daughter, and he knew she was as headstrong as him and would achieve what she wanted. He was angry with himself, for even planting any sort of seed, even unknowingly, for Lili to get into this type of work. He knows that eventually her end of the promise might not be kept — he knows her, how easily excitable she can get with new opportunities. She’ll likely end up climbing ranks or even getting into some agency like the FBI or something.

The thought of her out there, in a tac vest or with a weapon, makes bile burn his esophagus.

“Alright, I think we’re done here for today. Better go check into the hotel and we can get ready quick, then we can swing by and pick you up for dinner, Lili.” Your voice pulls him out of his spiral, stare focusing back into the room and glancing over at you in the doorway from the kitchen.

“Sí, jefa. Sounds like a plan,” he pats the pockets of his jeans and feels for his truck keys, “You gonna be ready if we come in an hour, princesa?”

Lili rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and popping her hip out, a stance all too familiar to Javier.

“Sí, Tata. Besides, I’m not the one you should be asking that to. Mom is always the one who takes longer to get ready.”

Javier laughs when you walk over to your daughter, pinching her side playfully. He shakes his head and gives Liliana a knowing look.

“Mija, I have known that fact about your mamá for longer than you’ve been alive. I’m guessing it will be an hour and a half until we’re back, but wanted to make sure you were actually ready. An hour to you women is at least an hour and fifteen to the rest of the world.”

Javier smiles with a loud laugh as both you and Lili approach him and swat his arms, pinching his sides without causing any pain whatsoever. There were protests on either side of him, his daughter and her mother annoyed with the judgments on their time management but all three of them knew he was right.

“Alright, alright, I apologize…” he surrenders from the assault with his hands up, taking deep breaths as he recovers from his laughter before continuing with a smirk, “But we all know I’m right!”

Javier makes a quick exit out of the room and through the front door before any other hits or pinches can be given to him, hearing the stifled laughter from you and Lili from inside the house.

“Yeah, you better run, Jav!” you call out as you gather your purse and fish out your car keys, saying a quick goodbye to Lili and following his path out of the house, “Now I’m gonna be ready in an hour just to prove you wrong.”

“That would only make me overjoyed. Maybe we could make our reservation in time then,” he waves goodbye to Liliana before turning to continue down the front path of her house, to his truck parked in front of your small SUV.

“You wanna follow me over there?” he asks as he unlocks the driver’s side door, watching you open yours and nod to him.

“Yeah, sounds good to me. Don’t be driving like a bat out of hell, though, Javier.”

“Hey, I can’t make any promises. Used to driving all around Colombian cities, it’s a lot different on those roads,” he jokes before making sure you get into your car, hopping into the truck, and listening to the engine turn over before he leads you both over to your accommodations for the rest of the weekend.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Peña. We would normally be absolutely willing to find a solution for you, but we’re fully booked for the graduation weekend. We only have one room for you.” The front desk receptionist looks terrified of Javier at this moment, his glare that he has perfected, normally reserved for serious criminals or dirty agents, is aimed directly at the young college student working here.

When the two of you were trying to check in, they had been informed that the reservation Javier had made for the two of you, two standard rooms, had been double booked, resulting in the parties involved only getting delegated one room each. 

His jaw notched to the side, hands gripping the edge of the front counter with his arms wide and head dipping down in annoyance. He picks it up, addressing the hotel employee again.

“I made a reservation months ago. I called from fucking Colombia — I paid about forty dollars wasting twenty minutes on the phone with whoever was working that day just to get this booked—”

“Jav,” your hand finds his chest as his eyes find yours, the rapid heartbeat thumping in his chest definitely not slowing down at what was supposed to be your soothing touch, “It’s fine. We can survive with one room for two nights. It’s either taking this or sleeping on the floor at Lili’s.”

Holding your gaze, he can see the words unsaid in the look you’re giving him.

Shut up and take the room key.

And there’s no way he is continuing to argue with the kid in front of him as he squirms under your own stern stare. With a grumble, he straightens up, your hand leaving his chest and cool, conditioned air chilling the spot that was covered in your warmth. The rest of the check-in process is painless, with Javier paying for the stay and taking the room keys. He turns around to face you, handing you one of the access cards and nodding toward the elevators.

“Let me take that, amor.” He leans down and grabs both duffles from the floor, one his and one yours, following your lead over to the elevators. The two of you stand and wait for the doors to open, the familiar ding alerting them to which one will be taking them up to their floor. When the doors slide apart, a large group of people started to spill out into the lobby. You step back to avoid a collision with a man not watching where he is walking, and Javier’s hand immediately finds your lower back to steady you. It lingers as the rush of people clears out — he makes no move to take it away until he guides you into the small square space, dropping his touch to press the button for your floor.

Once the two of you make it into the room, he sets your bags down on the desk and dresser, walking over to the thermostat to turn it down for you without a second thought.

“You remember,” you observe with a grin, rifling through your bag to find your toiletries and a change of clothes for dinner.

“Course I do, always had to have the air blasting in our apartment or the house. You never could sleep without a massive blanket and your toes under my legs. Never did understand your need to be freezing, always,” he chuckles at the memories of every night with you, until the separation when he was assigned to Bogotá.

“I dunno why either, just was always the most comfortable. Felt cozier, plus it always gave an excuse to cuddle.” Your giggle sends a tingle from his ears down the back of his neck and across his shoulders, a shudder easily blamed on the intense fans of the air-con.

“Go ahead and take the first shower, esposa. I’ll wait so that you can have more time to get ready and all that,” Javier crosses the room, saddling up next to you to rummage through his own weekender bag. In his periphery, he can see you flash a smile as you gather your things in one arm, using the free hand to brush across his shoulder blades when you walk behind him.

“Very kind, Jav. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

You stand in the doorway of the bathroom and he picks his head up, turning it to look at you. Head to toe, he scans you quickly before settling on your face, shaking his head.

“Take your time, amor. We both know I can be ready in ten minutes if I need to be,” he sends you a wink and half a smirk appears when you laugh, shutting the door behind you.

He hears the water run, kicking off his boots and sitting at the edge of the bed with an extensive sigh. Rubbing his eyes of exhaustion, he’s still for a moment. Shoulders drop, limbs feeling heavy as the day catches up with him. Moving, packing, even fighting with himself has drained him over the course of the day.

He loved spending time with his Liliana again, seeing her eager to walk the stage tomorrow and collect her diploma. And being around you again, drudging up all of the feelings and desires and words that he has tamped down for the last seven years. But it all comes with reminders of how absent he was, thousands of miles away, how undeserving he is of being welcomed back into the arms of you two, how his daughter was so proud, idolized him so much that she chose to study a major that puts her in the same field of work. He deserves distance from her, a cold shoulder from you — aloofness of some sort for the choice he made.

At least that’s what he’s told himself over and over for nearly the last decade. No matter how much you or Lili continually proved those thoughts wrong, they always came back.

He glances at his watch before standing and moving toward the bag again, hearing the water shut off and moving to grab his toiletries. Taking out the leather Dopp kit jostles something else in the bag loose, flinging it out onto the floor. Bending down with a sigh to retrieve it, he’s faced with the metal badge emblazoned with the DEA seal and ‘USA’ carved into it. It must have been in the bag from his plane ride earlier this week, and it serves as a blatant reminder of what he needs to talk to you about on this trip. What he needs to tell Liliana, too.

The badge gets thrown back into the bag and he walks toward the open bathroom door, stopping short within the threshold. You’re standing at the counter, products splayed around you to do your makeup. Even after living with you for 15 years, he barely has a clue what any of it does besides lipstick and mascara. He’d spent many mornings and evenings listening to you explaining your routine, but never quite getting down all the product names. There’s a pang in his chest, felt deep in the bones of his rib cage; the sight gives him major deja vu, nostalgia wavering over him. Even his subconscious longs for a time when you were his.

A humorous smile reflects back at him with your eyes glued to his in the mirror. Your fingers tap a rogue-colored product across your cheeks, giving you a bit of a brighter, subtly flushed look.

“Sorry, Jav, promise I’ll be out of here in like five minutes. I am trying to be quick.”

“Cálmate, amor. No hay prisa.There’s no rush, really…” he clears his throat, setting his toiletry bag down on an open space at the counter. He leans one hip against it, body facing you and studying the motions of painting your face while his mind works up the courage to bring up the pressing conversation.

“I, um, I actually have to tell you something.” His eyes cast down to the side, the grout of the tiles suddenly interested him.

“What is, Jav? You can tell me anything, you know that.” The compact in your hand is forgotten, clicked closed, and set down next to you as you mirror his stance. One hip against the counter, facing him.

“I know. I know. There’s just—It’s kind of a big thing and I wanted to tell you as soon as it all happened but I didn’t know how things would exactly shake out…”

“Javier. Take a breath,” you instruct him, hand against his chest with purposeful pressure, taking a deep inhale along with him and letting it out slowly. You don’t remove your hand, and he’s grateful for the gesture.

“I retired from the DEA two days ago. The morning before I left to come home. So, uh, I’m back at the ranch with Pop and I’ll be here now.” A mess of emotion comes out of his voice — fear, anxiety, relief, disappointment. Painfully, he drags his eyes up to your face, seeing your eyes wide with surprise and your brows relaxing from shooting up at the news. It’s an unreadable, unfamiliar expression; he watches as it all morphs behind your eyes before sympathy washes over every feature of yours, tender tone speaking up in the tiny bathroom.

“What happened?”

Everything was spilling out after that — information that was surely spreading across the US over the last 48 hours, not that he paid any attention to the news right now. Ambassador Crosby told him that he had won, that the Cali Godfathers would be locked up, at least for the foreseeable future. How dirty he felt when Crosby said the words, “You played the system like a goddamn fiddle…” The ledger proving the Colombian president’s campaign donations from the Cali cartel in exchange for immunity, the knowledge that the US government allowed all of it to occur, how he had spoken about it all to the reporter from El Tiempo.

“Javier, Jav, oh—I’m so proud of you.” The air is knocked him his lungs when the sound of those words reaches his ears, the next second being wrapped up in your tight embrace. It takes a moment to register your hug before he relaxes his weight against you, tension melting as you speak to him right next to his ear, “You told the truth. You helped every single Colombian citizen know what their government was doing to them. Just, holy shit, Javi. That’s fucking badass. I’m so, so proud of you, honey.”

Kindness, understanding, and comfort ooze around him and break down the stoicism that he’s been masked with for the last two days, tears welling in his eyes and spilling a few over that he quickly wipes away.

How can you always seem to find endless compassion for him? He’s just told you he quit his job with no real backup plan and all you said was how proud of him you are.

You’re a really good friend.

A great friend, actually.

Fuck, he is so in love with you still it hurts.

“Thank you…I don’t deserve your pride though, I did so many bad things,” his voice is hoarse on the last word, tightening his arms around you to quell his emotion.

“None of that, Jav. You uncovered a whole fucking…political scandal. Told people what their governments were doing. That’s honest; it’s ethical and respectable. You did the right thing, Jav.”

The last few words grow the lump in his throat, a slow nod against the side of your head. His lips brush your ear, confiding as if it is something he hasn’t said many times before, “Te quiero, amor.”

The smile is evident in your voice despite the fact that the hug keeps your face from his sight, and the saccharine sweetness of your voice sends his heart racing again, “Love you too, honey.”

At dinner, once there’d been a few drinks and some food served, Javier told Liliana the news he broke to you in your hotel bathroom. Albeit, it was an abridged version, details of his mistakes and pains of guilt left out for his precious daughter’s sake. She was eager to get out into the world and make a difference, and he had all the faith that she could, unlike him. He didn’t want his story to taint her view of what she was going to be able to achieve with her sheer determination.

He had that at one point. Probably lost it sometime in the last few years, slowly and then all at once when those tapes were found.

Liliana was understanding of her father resigning, chalking it up to his years down there catching up with him and teasing him for being an old man now. He took it gracefully, laughing along with the two of you and riffing on his own, with self-effacing jokes. As the conversation wrapped up, questions from Lili were answered by him — he was home, for good, living with Chucho and helping run the ranch. He would absolutely be around to help her get ready for her first day at work and help her move into her new apartment in San Antonio. And yes, he would be delighted to come over for dinner once or twice a week to spend some time with her, and you. Liliana had formulated the idea herself, earning a nod of approval from you and a warm invitation seconded.

After he accepted, Liliana changed the subject to rant about whoever the university had chosen for the commencement speech and how random of a choice it was. He listened intently, always hanging on every word from his Lili Pad, but he couldn’t help but be distracted by your hand coming to the place on his thigh closest to his knee, resting there for a moment before giving him a supportive squeeze. Nothing was spoken about the gesture, no looks were exchanged when your hand stayed there until the food came.

Sitting in the booth, observing and listening to his girls bounce back and forth in conversation, he finds the first moment of resounding comfort that he’s felt in seven years.

The last conversation he had with Spencer just days ago after the recent trial in D.C. rings in his mind, the two men standing at the displayed photos of Special Agents from the DEA.

He had asked Javier, “What else is a guy like you gonna do?”

At the time, Javier wasn’t too sure.

But now, with two of his favorite smiles beaming, one identical to his own, and the chorus of laughter that soundtracks his life, and his heart racing, the heart that bleeds for his family sitting here with him, he knows what he’s gonna do.

Be a father.

Be a partner.

Be a friend, a son, a lover, a teacher, a student, a listener, a provider, a protector.

Be everything he hasn’t been for nearly a decade.

He is going to be there for you two. No matter what.

The two of you are back in the hotel room, Liliana dropped off safely at her home and promptly reminded of the schedule for tomorrow. Javier threw her a, “Don’t be too hungover,” that you rolled your eyes at, the faintest of smiles on your face, knowing exactly how Javier was at his own graduation. You, unknowingly pregnant with Lili at the time, were feeling sick and extremely nervous to be seeing his parents the next day, so there was no drinking for you that night. The next morning you were rubbing his back as he threw up before dragging him into the shower and then dressing him like a doll.

He remembers the only thing he was thinking that morning was how much he loved you, how much he was going to miss you after moving home to Laredo to become a sheriff while you were finishing school the next year.

Life seemed so simple back then; only had to worry about visiting his girlfriend at the weekends, showing up for work on time, and taking care of his parents.

A few weeks later, you told him you were pregnant.

God, how fast was time moving? He feels like that was merely last year.

“Bathroom’s all yours, Jav.”

He looks up from his duffel to see you walking out in your pajamas, a smirk crossing his face at the faded Texas A&M shirt he recognized from his own closet from years before. With a nod to you, he unbuttons his shirt halfway before talking to you over his shoulder.

“I can take the floor, amor. You take the bed.”

A loud laugh from behind turns him around, and you look at him like he’s got about four heads.

“Javier Luis, you’re not going to be able to get up in the morning if you sleep on the floor, viejo. If it’s weird for you to sleep in the bed with me, I’ll be the one to take the floor.”

“No, you’re not. And it’s not weird for me, I just didn’t know if you would be comfortable with it.”

“Don’t know if you forgot, but we have slept in the same bed together before, Jav. It’s kind of how we have a daughter, you dork,” you snort and climb onto the plush mattress, slipping under the duvet and leaning up against the pillows.

“Hey, I was trying to be a gentleman, no need for the name-calling.”

“You are always a gentleman, hon, no need to try. Plus I have to call you names, who else will keep you humble?”

“Our daughter. That’s who. I think she’s worse than you with the jokes,” he laughs.

Your smile widens, laughing along with him and shrugging, “I wonder where she gets that from.”

A wink is sent his way, stirring his stomach before he clears his throat and nods to the bathroom, “Gonna get ready for bed, you all done in there?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go for it,” you wave toward the bathroom, grabbing your book from the nightstand.

Javier makes quick work of brushing his teeth and the rest of his night routine, avoiding his tired reflection before shutting the lights out and going back into the bedroom. Book still in your hand, he stands in his jeans again, rubbing the back of his neck. Without looking up you pat the spot next to you.

“I know you sleep in your boxers, just get in the damn bed.”

Ever since you became a mom, your power of reading his mind has gotten way too good.

Well, maybe it isn’t perfect cause if you could read his mind, you probably wouldn’t have suggested sharing a bed again with the amount of time he spends thinking about you.

“Sometimes it makes me mad how often you know what I’m going to say,” he grumbles and shucks off his jeans leaving them at the side of the bed and climbing under the covers. He stays comfortably at the side of the bed, sighing deeply as he closes his eyes. 

“Comes with experience.”

“Why can’t I do it for you then?” He opens his eyes and turns onto his side to look at you, “I’ve known you just as long as you’ve known me.”

The book in your hands is closed, and laid in your lap, looking down at Javier and shrugging, “You have your own way of it. I might know what you’re going to say, but you always anticipate everyone’s needs and you’re always one step ahead of me. I mean, you always see like four steps ahead. You saved Lili many broken bones at the playground growing up and you always used to be able to cheer me up and fix whatever was making me sad or angry before I really even knew what it was myself.”

A grin slowly pulls the corners of your lips apart, one of your hands reaching over to tap the top of his head. 

“Well, I quickly learned the signs of your hangriness. That was most often the reason you were upset,” he chuckles, one side of his mouth ticking up as he relaxes further into the bed.

Comfortable silence falls over the two of you as you read your book for a few more minutes, Javier lying next to you and trying, half-assed, to fall asleep. He really was just sneaking glances at you every time he adjusted positions, admiring the concentrated look on your face, engrossed in the story.

At one point, the book was shut for the night and set on the nightstand, the lamp clicked off and you relaxed back into bed. You turned on your side to face him, voice whisper quiet, “You asleep, Jav?”

He hums lowly, vibrations absorbed by the mattress before his eyes peel open and adjust to the darkness.

“Not yet. Qué pasa, amor?”

“Did you quit smoking?”

“Uh, I guess so, yeah. Why are you asking that now?”

“Just curious. I didn’t see you dip outside to smoke at all today and you got a non-smoking room, too. Very un-Javier.”

“Oh, is that all I am to you, esposa? A smoker?” He has a lilt of teasing in his voice, raising his eyebrows as you laugh faintly.

“Shut up, I didn’t say that.” There’s a gentle shove to his shoulder before your hands are back by you, tucked under your chin as you curl up again.

“I was going to congratulate you on quitting, but now I’m not sure if I want to, meanie.”

“You’re the one randomly questioning me about my habits! Meanie.”

“I am not a meanie, I had no bad intentions!”

“Sure, and what would you have said if I told you I didn’t quit?”

Javier gives you a satisfied smirk when you’re silent, shaking his head to himself.

“Knew it,” he rolls onto his back, hand resting on his stomach and turning his head to the side, “I quit ‘cause Lili called me before I came home and asked me to. She’s asked for a while, but I kept putting it off with the stress of work and everything. Thought now’s the time after I resigned.”

In the darkness, he suddenly feels your hand on his bicep closest to you, rubbing up and down slowly.

“You’re a good dad, Jav. The best. Glad you’re the one I got to have a kid with.”

If he says anything now, it will come out incoherent from the lump sitting in his throat. Instead, he hums in response, nothing else spoken until you’ve fallen asleep.

“I’m glad it was me, too.”

It is hot as fuck.

He’s trying so hard not to sweat his ass off while in the cattle of people funneling into the arena at this moment, attempting to keep his light beige button-up dry. He was going to wear his normal uniform of jeans and a short-sleeved shirt when he heard the weather report on the TV this morning, but your face when you saw him pull out navy slacks and his long-sleeved shirt that he packed, was too excitable and adorable to not wear anything else — “We’ll be matching! Our pictures will be so cute with Lili in her white dress.” Standing in your floral, mid-length navy dress, who was he to deny you those coordinated photos? 

Things had been much more…familiar since last night and this morning. It was the back and forth that was effortless, the fall into a perfectly choreographed routine — him anticipating your moves and you knowing what he was thinking before he could even ask a question. The close quarters of the shared room suddenly felt much too large to Javier; he was desperate for too small of space so he could stay close to you, but with 15 years of experience living together, and even longer dating, you moved too in sync with each other to collide.

He was close to you this morning, though, waking up at the sound of the alarm clock next to his side of the bed; his arm moved to shut it off, coasting along your hip and thigh before reaching behind him to stop the noise. A grumble from you pulled him back, positioning himself again on his side and adjusting the arm that ended up underneath your head, his chest enveloping your back when his other arm slung around your waist. If he closed his eyes, he could swear it was any other morning from before Colombia, stretching all the way back to his bed in his shitty college apartment that you tolerated spending nights in.

There isn’t a thing in this world he wouldn’t give to be able to have this wake up every day from now on.

He knows he needs to talk to you, to tell you all that he is feeling, but he can’t bring himself to do it now. Not before his daughter’s college graduation when the two of you are getting along like old friends. The peace shouldn’t be disrupted by you potentially rejecting him.

Which has brought him standing behind you in the crowd of parents and families, a hand on your lower back to keep a tab on you as everyone filters in through the doors. He keeps his eyes scanning out of habit, searching for a danger that surely isn’t there, while you chat away with Chucho walking directly next to you.

His attention is elsewhere, anxiety creeping into his bones at the masses gathering here, impossible to keep tabs on everyone. The three most important people to him are in this building, and he has no means to protect them if something happened—

No. Enough. This isn’t Colombia. There are no sicarios here.

It’s supposed to be an enjoyable day.

The thoughts circle in his mind as a mantra while the three of you find seats, Javier tailing with you in the middle of him and his father. You sit at the end of one row, holding the same order when you finally take your seats.

Smoothing your skirt, Javier watches as you turn to Chucho, giving him an update about something that was recently repaired in the house.

“Wait, you had to get a new water heater? Why didn’t you tell me you needed one?” he interjects with an edge, brow furrowing as he grills you.

“Jav, it was fine, Pops helped me call around for quotes and we found a good deal. It was solved in like two days. It didn’t seem like it was something I needed to make a long-distance phone call for,” you sigh defeatedly, leaning back and looking down at your nails, fidgeting with your fingers at his harshness.

Javier rolls his eyes, grumbling under his breath, “I should have known. Could’ve helped with it…Eres tan terca. Nunca pides ayuda, incluso si la necesitas. Terca. (You are so stubborn. You never ask for help, even if you need it. Stubborn.)”

Chucho stretches an arm behind your back, hitting his shoulders to sit up and addressing him with a stern tone.

“Mijo, no te pongas tan quisquilloso. Ella no quería preocuparte todo el camino allí abajo. Disculpas. (Son, don't be so oversensitive. She didn't want to worry you all the way down there. Apologize.)”

His jaw ticks to the side, sitting up straight, and shaking his head. With a sigh, he turns to you, leaning closer to speak without his father overhearing.

“I’m sorry, amor. I didn’t mean to be rude; I get frustrated not being around to help you with stuff like that. Shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. ‘M glad Pop was there to help if I couldn’t.”

Your hand rests on his thigh, patting lovingly as you respond at the same level as him, “Next time, I’ll call you first, Jav. And then you can be the one to call Chucho for actual help.”

A smirk grows at your jest, and he falls back into his seat with a scoff.

“God, you are ruthless. Always with the jokes, esposa. Don’t know if I should be sticking around if it’ll be like this,” he chuckles, stretching an arm behind you and resting it on the back of your chair. 

“Yeah, yeah. We both know you’re gonna be around a lot more now.” His head snaps to the side to see you looking ahead with the faintest of smiles, biting back a much wider one as you lean back into his arm.

After a processional to Pomp and Circumstance, all three of you waving madly to Liliana when she spotted you in the crowd, the ceremony proceeds with little fanfare. Speeches are made, congratulations extended to all of the students from various faculty members and the special guest speaker. When it finally came time for conferring of degrees, Javier awaits the long line of A though O names. The three of you stand, watching the handful of students ahead of Lili cross the stage.

The dean of her college stands at the microphone, saying with a rehearsed smile, “Liliana Raquel Peña, Summa Cum Laude.”

At the announcement of her name and honors, the three of you erupt in cheers for the young woman crossing the stage. Javier whistles with his fingers, holding out the sound as long as he can before clapping his hands together wildly. Once Lili is descending the stairs and back to her seat, you all wave to her again as she beams up at you and shows off her diploma folder.

The moment he’s seated again, he turns his head to the side, seeing your faint tears streaking your face. On instinct, he reaches for your hand before he can second guess it and laces your fingers together with a gentle squeeze. A pitiful laugh slips out from you when you look back at him, a blubbering smile parting your lips.

Javier leans closer to you, centimeters from your ear to confide, “I think you did an amazing job raising our girl, amor. Thank you.”

In the back room of a local restaurant, the Peña extended family mills about, filling the room with sound from the music over the speakers and everyone chatting and catching up with each other — especially congratulating the guest of honor.

Aunts and uncles and cousins that were available have all flocked together to celebrate Liliana, and despite the overwhelming urge to Irish exit this party because of the constant comments and questions about Colombia, Javier is staying until you’re ready to leave. Which undoubtedly will be until the end of your reservation.

He sits at one of the tables pushed to the side of the room, sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms and crossing his limbs over his chest as he reclines in the wooden chair. Buttons of his shirt have been undone post-photos with the grad, the air conditioning cooling his sun-baked skin. His fingers can still feel the phantom of your linen dress, his hand affixed to your lower back in all of the photos taken.

Easily, with a quick scan of the room, he finds you talking to his mamá’s sister, Tia Rose. You’re smiling brightly, the crinkles at your eyes showing off your joy as his aunt surely is congratulating you or complimenting you on how you raised your daughter.

He really meant what he said at the ceremony. There is no way he could have done what you managed if you were the one to have left for work. You were a fucking hero to him, not himself. He’s been hearing it over and over every time he returns home — “You’re a hero, Javier.”

It’s complete bullshit.

His results were rigged, the system played him as much as he supposedly played it.

When he thinks about being a hero, he doesn’t think about anything close to what he’s done. He thinks about sacrifice, compassion, strength — you have it all. You’ve saved him from himself time and time again, and you’ve done it all while being a working mom and dealing with your partner, your co-parent, being thousands of miles away for years.

“Ay, mijo, estás tu cabeza en las nubes otra vez? (Son, is your head in the clouds again?)” Javier looks up to his right at the sound of his father’s voice, standing to offer him help into the chair next to him but waved off with a grumble from Chucho.

“Is it that easy to tell, Pop?” he asks, a half-hearted smile on his face as he retakes his seat.

“Eh, to me, yes. Probably to your girls, too, but I think anyone else would think you’re doing your sulky, pendejo act.”

“Pendejo act? Don’t think it’s an act at this point, Pop. Been feeling like one more and more.”

“Sí, y por qué es eso? (Yeah, and why is that?)”

“Estoy ausente (I’m absent.)”

“Dios, Javier…” his father sighs and shakes his head, turning his head to look at his son, “You are not absent. Quit telling yourself that, or you really are going to be. You’re home now, so be home.”

“It is a blessing to have Liliana at home for this summer, spend as much time as you can with her…And you know how I feel about mi nuera (my daughter-in-law).”

Javier sighs, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees and find you in the crowd again. As if you can sense his eyes on you, you turn toward him and give him a tender smile that quells his near constant nervous energy.

God, it’s unfair how beautiful you are.

And how kind, and forgiving, too.

This conversation is making him want a cigarette. Really bad.

Instead, he pulls the plastic packet out of his pocket, popping out another chiclet of gum and tossing it in his mouth.

He prepares for a lecture from his father; Chucho seems to know a lot more about you these days than Javier. Every week since he left for Colombia, you’ve gone over to Chucho’s house for dinner at least once. With Liliana away at school, you still went. It filled Javier’s heart with a syrupy, oozing warmth whenever he thought about the relationship you have with his father. How you 're always going to be family, a daughter to him, after your parents cut you off those twenty-something years ago.

“She’s still coming over every week, y’know. Didn’t seem to be doing too great until about two weeks ago. Came over after she received a phone call. Was all excited and basically bouncing off the walls. I asked her why, and she said she got some exciting news. You know what it was?”

“Qué?”

“You coming home. I think you called to confirm your flights with her, and she was just so excited, mijo. Cooked your favorite for dinner that night—“

“Pollo asado?”

“Sí, con mole.”

“Mierda, estoy celoso. (Shit, I’m jealous.)”

Chucho laughs from his belly, shaking a bit in the seat as he reaches up and adjusts his cowboy hat.

“It was delicious, as always,” Javier hums in acknowledgement before his father continues, “But I’m not telling you all of that just to tell you what I had for dinner. I’m telling you cause I need you to get your head out of your ass and talk to her. Anyone with eyes can see how in love with her you still are. I wanted you to know that there’s something there for her, too. Hazla mi nuera de verdad. (Make her my daughter-in-law for real.)”

“I’ll talk to her, Pop. Don’t need a wingman, so please don’t say anything to her. Please.”

Chucho stands and shrugs, nonchalantly closing with, “If you don’t do it soon, I’m taking matters into my own hands and telling her myself how lovesick you are. I will not make any promise I cannot keep, so you better keep that one if you don’t want me involved, mijo.”

Javier stays put as his father filters into the party-goers, shaking his head as he smiles to himself.

Maybe he does still have a chance.

The end of the night was fairly uneventful, everyone saying their goodbyes and final congratulations to Liliana. You insisted on helping to set the room up as you had all found it, correcting the tables and chairs back to their usual positions. When you were about to start taking dishes back to the kitchen, Lili rolled her eyes and walked out to the front of the restaurant while Javi grabbed you by your hips from behind and physically directed you out of the room.

“Jav, I feel bad, we made a mess! Let me help!”

“Esposa, you are wonderful and so sweet, I’m sure they appreciate your help. But this is a restaurant, cariño, and you don’t get paid to work here so I don’t think they’re gonna want to be liable for you,” he slides his hands up and down a few inches of your sides, dragging the fabric of your dress up and letting it fall back when he takes his hands off of your sides, placing one on your back.

Javier helps you into the cab of his truck, you taking the middle of the bench and Lili following into the passenger side to be able to get out easier. He drives over to Lili’s house, dropping her off with both of you giving massive hugs and final congrats for the day.

It was a quiet car ride to the hotel, but you ended up back in the middle seat closest to Javier, leaning your head on his shoulder.

Walking into the building, he bit the inside of his cheek as he brushed your hand with his, no recoil from his touch giving him the confidence to take your hand completely in his. Fingers intertwined as you both got in the elevator, tender, unspoken words in your eyes.

Now, Javier sits at the edge of the bed, a short plastic cup in his hand filled with half a mini bottle of champagne. There’s a matching cup in your hand, standing in front of him as he looks up at you with worshiping eyes.

“Cheers, Jav. Good on us for getting our kid through college,” you say with a smile, the sound of plastic crinkling in your hands following your little toast. Each of you takes a sip of the drink, Javier leaning around you to set his down on the desk. His hands move to hover at your waist, your permission granted with a small step to stand between his opened legs.

Javier’s calloused palms catch on your dress again, inching the fabric up as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. He looks up at you while you return the stare down at him, your free hand finding the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Thank you, amor. For taking on so much more responsibility and shouldering the weight of raising Lili Pad in her teens, and getting her into a great school, and supporting her throughout these last four years when I couldn’t—

“Jav, it was both of us.”

“No, please let me give you the credit you deserve, esposa. You did it all without ever being angry with me, and you always supported me, too. And every time I’ve come back for a visit, you make it seem like I never left with how welcome you make me feel.”

“You’re always a part of our family, Jav. Always.”

He nods, feeling his chest tighten at your words, gripping you tighter as if you’re going to slip away, as if he’ll wake up and this whole trip will have been a dream, as if he will be stuck in Colombia, or forced to go back to the DEA and work in Mexico.

“Thank you, really, thank you for always making me feel a part of it all from so far away. All the photos, all the letters, the birthday cards, and care packages…You are a great mother, and an even better woman. So much better as a person than I ever could be, and I am so lucky that you chose me to have a kid with. Lili is incredible because she’s part of you. Thank you, amor, you have given me a life I don’t think I deserve.”

His head drops, tugging you closer to rest his forehead against your stomach. Silence blankets the room, your fingers running through his hair soothingly. After a moment, you take his chin between your index and thumb, turning his head up to look at you again.

Javier wants so badly to be able to read your mind right in that second, the look in your eyes puzzling him. As he opens his mouth to say something, anything, to fill the air, you’re folding forward and catching his lips in a kiss. It’s light, too faint for his needs, and you’re pulling away much too quickly. His spine elongates, chasing your mouth before you can get too far and locking you in a breathless exchange.

His hands paw at your sides, a desperate attempt being made to pull you as close as possible while also running his hands along your curves. In the surprise of it all, getting lost in his lips, you drop the cup in your hand. Champagne splashes onto your feet, ignored as Javier lifts your mid-length dress to your hips, climbing back on the bed and pulling you over him without breaking your kiss.

Your knees cage his thighs in, settling on his lap as he slots his lips around your bottom one, tracing along it with his tongue. Parting with a gasp, your mouth opens to let him in, melding your tongues together. A whimper escapes from you when he tugs you further onto his lap, feeling his bulge in his slacks press against your core.

Javier pulls away from your lips, dragging his nose along your cheek and leaving a trail of wet, open mouth kisses along your jaw. At the spot on your neck close to your ear, he sucks a mark, smirking against your skin when your back arches and squeezes your chest against his.

“Fuck, Jav…” you sigh, fingers tangling into his hair.

He hums against your skin, pulling away and kissing under your chin.

“You’re so beautiful, amor. I missed you so fucking much. Thought about you all the time.”

“Yeah? What did you think about?” Your voice is  shaky when Javi drops his hands to your hips, starting to drag them back and forth against his cock straining against his zipper. 

“Mm, thought about how good you smell all the time, how sweet you taste…how much I miss having you in my bed every night. Being able to have you when I need you,” a groan slips from his mouth at your moan, moving your hips faster the more he talks, “I thought about how fucking stupid I was to leave someone like you behind. Mi vida, la luz de mi vida (My life, the light of my life)…felt like I left half of my soul when I went away.”

From above, you lean down to catch him in a passionate kiss, breathy exhales and muffled moans exchanged while your fingers work as the buttons on his shirt. Javier leans forward, shrugging off the materials before his arms are around you again, snaking around your back to grip your ass.

“Jav, I missed you so much. Never felt the same, there was always something missing…I always needed you. I always need you.”

“Mi amor, lo siento (My love, I’m sorry). I’m here now. Never leaving again.” His hands roam to your sides, finding the zipper of your dress on his left and pulling it down. He bunches the skirt of it in his hands and slowly takes it off over your head; he’s faced with you sitting in his lap, no bra and only panties on.

As if magnetic, his hands fly right back to your sides, skimming up until his thumbs lay under your breasts, fingers splayed along your rib cage.

“You’re so beautiful, mi amor, so fucking beautiful. Can I make you feel good, baby?”

“Please, Jav, need you so bad.”

“Oh, baby, mi esposa, I’ve got you. Get on your back, cariño.”

Javier watches as you move off of him and fall back onto the bed, the plush duvet sinking underneath you and pillowing out at your sides.

An angel in the clouds.

No more time is wasted as he tugs you to the edge of the bed, kneeling on the floor and booting your legs over his shoulder to open you up.

“Wait, Jav, here.” You twist to the side and stretch to reach for one of the pillows, giving it to him with a thoughtful smile.

“For your knees, viejo. Not a twenty year old athlete anymore, hon.”

Javier rolls his eyes and moves to kneel on the pillow, already feeling better in his joints from the cushion. He wraps his arms around your thighs and nips close to your panties, rolling out a groan.

“Sometimes, I hate when you’re right.”

“That’s ‘cause you always have to be right, Peña. It’s always been th—“ you trail off into a moan when his fingers prod through your wetness, one hand hooking your underwear to the side.

“I don’t always have to be right, esposa. You know you’re the boss out of the two of us,” he winks before he tugs your panties off of your legs, settling back between your legs.

You nod, sitting up and leaning your weight on one arm to look down at him.

“Mhm, glad y’know your place still, Jav,” you tease as your other hand pushes his hair away from his forehead, a smirk mirrored onto his face, “Make me come, mi esposo.”

You can see his eyes darken, breaths shallowing. Feather light kisses scatter across your inner thighs until he reaches your core, pursing his lips and blowing cool air against your wetness.

“Fuck, cariño, guess you did really miss me. So fucking wet. All for me?”

“Javi,” you whine, scooting your hips closer to him, “Please, need you.”

“I know, baby, I know. I can see how much you need me.” He licks one long stripe from your tightest hole to your clit, groaning at the taste of you. “You want me to play with your sweet pussy, mi amor? Make you feel so good?”

“Please, please, Jav.”

He soothes you with circles on your lower stomach, nodding as he lays his head on your thigh, “Don’t worry, baby, I’ve got you.”

Before you can beg out a response, his lips are attached to your clit, sucking hard before laying his tongue flat against it, moving slow circles around.

His muscle memory guides him to fall into the pattern that he memorized to get you off with his mouth and fingers, pushing one of his thick fingers inside of your cunt knuckle deep and stroking against that same spot he knows drives you wild.

Your back arches off the bed, pressing your clit into his tongue harder. He slurps up your wetness, sighing at your familiar taste that he missed so much. Another finger is added, the rhythm of their thrusts building up faster and faster. Right at the edge, your fingers tangled in his hair tugging hard, he switches positions, tongue plunging inside of you and fingers rubbing quick circles into your clit. Before you can even register, you're coming around his mouth, flooding his tongue and his lips.

“Javi, oh my god, fuck me…”

He leads you through the orgasm, pulling away with a boyish smirk.

“That’s kind of the plan, hermosa. Gonna fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, beckoning him to stand up. Sitting up fully, you strip him of his slacks and boxers, briefly taking him in your mouth before he’s pulling you off of him and pushing you further up the bed. Climbing over you, a heady kiss is shared as he settles between your legs. In the moment, you easily get him onto his back, moving to straddle him as he looks up at you breathless. Large hands hold tightly to your thighs, jaw dropping as you grab his hard cock and easily slip him inside of you, sinking down until he’s full hilt.

“Fucking Christ, amor. Take my cock so well, show me what you can do.”

Your hips find a slow, aching rhythm that makes you both breathless. As you continue to grind yourself around him, you lean forward and press yourself against his torso, skin sticking to skin.

“Jav—Javier, you are such a good man. I never doubted how much you loved me. How much you do love me,” you breathe out, hips faltering for a moment before you recover.

 “You were always there for us, and I’m so proud of you for going after what you wanted. Making the world a better place…” you move your hips slowly as you ride him, leaning down to press your foreheads together, stuttering but managing to get the words out for him, “You are a great man and an even better father. I couldn’t have chosen a better partner. I love you.”

Javier whimpers and stutters out a moan when you move your hips faster, your hand on his chin keeping his forehead against you. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before opening them, facing you and him whispering back, “Te amo, te amo, te amo. I love you so much, mi esposa. Mi amor. Te amo siempre.”

The sound that leaves you at that moment, hearing his proclamations of love, flips a switch inside of him. The primal need to make you his again, completely. His arm around your hips grips you tighter, feet planted on the mattress behind you. He uses the leverage to meet your rhythm with his own thrusts, sweet sounds slipping from your lips egging him on.

Your nails dig into his shoulders and he looks up at you in awe as you arch your back, head falling to the side as your face scrunches up in pleasure.

“Oh, fuck yes, yeah. Right there, ohmygod, papí…”

“Fuck, that’s right, baby,” he says in a drawn out exhale, hammering his hips up into you, “Say it again, mi amor. Say it again.”

“Papí—Feels so good, papí.”

“Yeah? Haven’t heard that one in a while, baby. Love it coming from you, say it again. Please, baby. Por favor.”

“Papí, papí, papí…Harder, please, want it harder.”

“Anything for you, mi amor. I’ll give you anything you want. Fuck this pussy however you want it, whenever you want me.”

One of your hands drops from his shoulder to the mattress, bracing yourself from his unrelenting pace. You’re a whining mess, opening your eyes and looking down at him under you, sweaty and glistening with his wild hair and mustache shiny from your come. Javier rumbles a loud moan of your name, on the verge of a growl when he feels you clench around his cock. 

“Come for me, mi esposa. Let me feel you…” he pulls you flush against him as he fucks up into you, lips brushing your ear as he whispers, “Te amo, mi esposa, te amo. I love you. Love you so much.”

“Pa—Papí, fuck! Oh my god, Javi!” Your head rolls back as you come around him, bounces faltering as you slip against his chest like jelly.

“Fuck, baby, gonna fill you up. You want me inside you all night, mi amor? Want me to make you full of me again?” His lips brush against your ear, whimper and nod in response.

“Yes, yes please, papí. Want you inside.”

“Fuck yes, mi amor. One more time for me, say it one more time.”

“Come inside me…please come for me, papí.”

A moan stutters in his throat as he buries himself fully in you, twitching with each rope he spends. Grip tightening around you, he stays inside of you as he kisses you deeply, pulling away to brush your hair away from your face.

“You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do that again, mi esposa. Te amo, hermosa. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jav. Missed you,” your head lays on his chest, sigh warming his sweaty skin, “Will you be around when we’re home or—“

“Mi amor, you’re gonna have a hard time keeping me away from you and Lili now. I wanna spend every moment I can with you both. My girls.”

It’s a Sunday evening at the Peña ranch, a few weeks after Lili’s graduation. You and her have come over to Chucho’s house for dinner, Javier already there from working the day with his father. He’s mostly over at yours in the evenings, coming over to spend time with Lili, and you, staying for dinner, having movie nights, grilling out. He’s been basking in the slow life, the life of a father that he’s been so desperately craving. It’s been an itch like he has for a cigarette, finally taking an inhale and his nerves melting away as he adjusted to a balance with you two.

Tonight, however, Chucho insisted that you and he keep your weekly get-togethers, despite Javi being home for good now, and the four of you have had dinner around the cozy dining table off of the kitchen. Javier is gathering the dinner plates, Liliana standing to help him clean up.

“Anyone want any dessert? What d’ya have here, Pop?” he looks between his father and you, awaiting an answer.

Before Chucho can say anything, you sit up with a quiet gasp, “Oh, do you have any mangoes, Chuch? I really would love some mango with Tajín. Or some strawberries with honey. Or both.”

You grin up at Javier and he laughs, nodding his head.

“I’ll see what I can do, amor.”

“Y’know, mija, my Lucia always had mangoes around the house when she was pregnant with Javi. She would slice them up and put so much Chamoy and Tajín, you could barely see that it was a mango underneath it all.”

“That honestly sounds perfect right now, I bet Lucia made some kickass mangonadas, too,” you laugh softly, looking up behind you as Javi squeezes your shoulder lovingly.

“Oh, she definitely did. Whole family begged her to make them every time we all got together,” Chucho belly laughs fondly at the memories, nodding to himself, “We thought for the longest time that we were going to have a girl. All Lucia craved were sweets or fruits, and there’s some old wives tale, una fábula, that if your cravings are sweet, it is a girl, and if they’re savory, it’s a boy.”

“Huh, how funny. Guess thinking back, I did crave a lot of chocolate ice cream with Lili.”

“Oh god, I remember being kicked in the middle of the night and having to go to the town over cause they had a 24-hour gas station just to get you some Ben & Jerry’s,” Javier laughs, kissing the top of your head as you shrug.

“And now look, you’ve got the sweetest daughter to ever exist. All thanks to me,” you grin, sending Javi a wink as he finishes gathering the dishes from the table.

He sees his father smiling to himself as Chucho leans back in his chair, Javier retreating to the kitchen to find something for dessert for you while Lili washes up and the two of you at the table strike up some conversation.

Later that week, you gave Javi a call and asked him to come over after he was done on the ranch. He agreed immediately, of course, and couldn’t fight the buzzing excitement he felt to see you again. It took him back to those days before Lili, before the two of you were ever really anything, you calling and asking him over to your dorm room or your apartment. He felt like a giddy teenager again.

He showered quickly and changed before heading over to yours, parking in the driveway of your small three bed house he had bought for you all. At the door, he knocked before using his key to get inside, calling out to you.

“Amor? Lili Pad? Anybody home?”

The pad of footsteps on the tile floors catch his attention, a smile stretching across his face as you come around the corner into the entryway. He kicks off his boots before meeting you in the middle, arms wrapping around you and holding you tightly to his chest. He sighs an exhale, relaxing around your warmth.

“Long day, Jav?”

“You have no idea, mi amor. Had to chase a fucking bull that got loose in the pastures when we were trying to corral all of ‘em. My ass is hurting from having to ride the horse so much.”

You laugh into his chest, pressing a kiss to his shirt before leaning back to look at his face, “Oh your poor butt. You wanna sit on the couch then?”

He hums in confirmation, kissing the top of your head before you lead him into the living room and let him flop down on the sofa.

“Where’s Lili Pad?”

“Oh, um, she’s out with friends tonight. Thought it could be just us…” You join him, sitting with a couple of feet between you two. He can see how tense you are, sitting up straight, fiddling with your fingers, placing a pillow in your lap. Extending an arm out, he holds his hand palm up for you to take.

“I’m more than okay with just us, cariño. What’s going on with you? You seem anxious. Everything at work okay? Everything okay with Lili?” He rubs his thumb across your knuckles after you take his hand, brows knitting with concern.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is great with Lili. And work is, well, work. No complaints…” your eyes stay trained on your hands together, swallowing before you speak up again, “I actually think it would be easier to show you.”

He feels even more concerned and confused as you stand up, disappearing out of the room for a moment before coming back with a hand behind your back. You don’t sit again, opting to stand in front of him; you bring your hand forward, passing the object to him.

It takes him a minute to register what it is, the last time he saw one this up close being about twenty something years ago.

A pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

Positive.

“Think we could do as good a second time around?”

You’re pregnant.

He’s going to be a dad again?

He’s going to be a dad again, with you?

He’s going to be a dad again. He gets to have another child with you.

His heart is beating out of his chest, mouth dropped open with no words coming out.

A shake of his head knocks him out of the shock, setting the test to the side and looking up at you with welling eyes.

“I get to be a papá again? With you, mi amor?”

A beaming smile widens on your face, your hands finding the sides of his head as you nod down at him.

“Yeah, honey, you’re going to be a dad, again. Lili’s gonna have a little brother or sister. Much, much younger,” you say with a chuckle.

Javier laughs a little breathless, eyes flickering between your face and your stomach that is eye level with him.

“Oh my god, oh my god, mi amor—Te amo, te amo siempre,” His hand finds her tummy, roaming around in circles, attempting to feel the familiar bump or any side of his baby growing inside there. Soft kisses litter your torso as he pulls you closer, resting his forehead against your ribs.

“I love you too, Jav,” you push back his hair and he stares up at you in wonder, pulling you gently to sit in his lap, “Do you…I mean, I want you to come home. Maybe we can actually get married this time. Have the family life with Lili and the little baby. I know we used to just joke about our fake city hall marriage, but I’ve always wanted that with you, Jav.”

A soft, tender kiss is shared, the two of you holding onto each other. One of Javier’s hands rests on your stomach, his heart already completely overflowing with love for the person growing inside of you. It’s quiet for a moment, both of you sitting with each other in silence. With another kiss, Javi hugs you, your head resting on his shoulder as he whispers in your ear.

“Graciás, mi amor. Thank you — for never giving up on our family. On me. Thank you for giving me everything I could have ever dreamed of. I can’t wait to have another baby with you, they’re gonna be as perfect as you, and Lili. My girls. Te amo, mi esposa, te amo siempre.”

javi's photo board in colombia <3

tagging mutuals that might be interested??

@northernbluess @swiftispunk @johnwatsn @cannolighost @joelsversion @cupofjoel @darkroastjoel @atinylittlepain @beskarandblasters @wannab-urs @jksprincess10 @bearsbeetsbeskar @smokeinherperfume @thetriumphantpanda @atticrissfinch @perotovar @mrsquill @javiscigarette @yazsos @deathwife @pr0ximamidnight @undrthelights @lunapascal @ladamedusoif @haylzcyon

[yawnderu]

>Commission for the lovely @alypink ! Muchas gracias, princesa. 💗💗

“Mi amor?” Aly called out, her voice ringing from the kitchen, getting Price's attention instantly despite the way Lily is chatting his ear off. His gaze momentarily drifts down to his daughter, caressing her warm cheek with the back of his knuckles, not wanting to cause her any discomfort with the many callouses adorning his palms after spending over half of his life on duty. 

“Yes?” He yells out, only to be met by silence. A small sigh makes its way out of his lips at the lack of response— something he's used to by now, knowing that Aly wants him to join her in the kitchen. His rough hands sneak under Lily's armpits, picking her up with ease and allowing her to curl up against him despite the way her arms wrapped around his neck are slightly choking him, not having the heart to tell her, and enjoying his daughter's affection as much as possible, a life he never once thought he'd be lucky enough to have. 

His footsteps are light beneath the carpet, the only give away of his approach being their daughter's giggles at the sensation of his thick beard against her skin every time he plants a kiss on her cheek, making an overexaggerated kiss noise just to continue hearing that sweet laugh, wanting to have it ingrained in his brain forever. He sets her down on her customized chair, running his hand down the length of her hair one last time before turning to his lover. 

“Can you get the brown sugar for me?” The sheepish smile she shoots at him is enough to make the corners of his lips tilt up, his crow's feet becoming more prominent at the sincere smile taking over his visage. He reaches up to the shelf, grabbing the container before setting it down on the counter, taking his sweet time to admire his wife now that she went back to baking something he became familiar with throughout the years, pan dulce. 

Unable to hold back his affection any longer, his arms wrap around her waist from behind, a deep chuckle leaving his lips the moment she recoils at the sensation of his thick beard on the crook of her neck. His grip tightens for a second as he plants soft, gentle kisses on her shoulder, his thumb lightly fidgeting with the ring on his finger before her palm goes over his, her soft digits absent-mindedly caressing his hairy knuckles, taking her time to feel every single bump and scar as if they're not already carved into her soul. 

“You makin' pan dulce?” The way he teasingly over-pronounces its name, making his best attempt at hiding his British accent when saying something in Spanish and  always fails horribly makes Alyssa smile, her gaze softening as she notices the way he keeps fidgeting with his wedding band. 

“You know it.” She replies with a grin, closing her eyes for a second just to focus on the gentleness displayed by the very same man that can easily use violence in the field, a sheer contrast to who John Price is to his family. The sweet smell of the bread mix and his lavender and tea tree beard wash fills her nose, taking in the sense of belonging— of how far they've come, their daughter too busy playing with the crocheted bunny on the table. 

“Have I ever told ya you're the best baker?” His voice holds so much affection, yet Alyssa can read him like a book, years and years of the same thing making her turn around and look up at him with amusement etched on her face, her brown eyes shining with pure mirth. 

“You're not getting your hands on the mix until it's all done.” The playful frown on his lips is nothing but a mere distraction, swiftly leaning down to steal a kiss from her lips that she reciprocates with no hesitation, her arms wrapping around his neck as her lips move against his— just to be interrupted by a playful gag coming from Lily. 

“Eww.” Her face is scrunched up in disgust at seeing her parent's kiss, much to their amusement. They share a knowing glance, giving each other one last peck before they break away, John making a beeline towards his daughter, picking the giggling girl up and tossing her in the air, catching her with ease. 

“Ay, por Dios, John.” Aly's hand comes up to her chest, trying to calm her fast-beating heart down despite knowing her husband will never let her daughter fall, earning an amused chuckle out of the older man.

“Come onnn.” Aly drags out, her brow scrunched up as she sees a player miss the perfect chance for a goal, one of her hands absent-mindedly running up and down Tito's fur, while the other one keeps her mug of coffee steady. Moments like these make John notice how much of a tiny carbon copy Lily is, his crinkled eyes fully focused on the way they took sips at the same time and licked their lips clean of the liquid in their matching mugs. His arm wraps around Aly's shoulders, bringing her body closer and planting a kiss on her temple before taking a sip of his cuppa, putting it down just to adjust the blanket closer to their bodies, knowing Aly can't handle UK winters as well as he can. 

John leans part of his body weight against her, his cheek resting on the top of her head, not focused in the slightest on the soccer match being played, rather thinking about everything that lead them to this point— how his heart fell in love since the first time he saw her, and how thankful he was to have the bollocks to confess to her. 

“I love you.” He whispers into her ear, tender words only for his wife to hear. His gaze softens as she looks up at him mid-sip, her wide brown eyes momentarily making her look like a deer caught in headlights, only serving as one of the many images of her that tug at his heartstrings. 

“I love you too, mi vida.” My life. Despite how many years have passed, discovering new pet names never fails to fill him with a deeper sense of fulfillment, momentarily allowing her to look at his relaxed expression before his lips press against her forehead, protectively holding his girls and their cat close to his warm body.

[lavendersartistry]

Devil Nightmares

Space Riders AU - @onyxonline Eve Ewe, Bolt - @lavendersartistry

(CW/TW: nightmares, panic attack)

This is an angst/comfort fic for onyxonline's Space Riders AU! This is mainly centered my OCs Eve Ewe and Bolt! Please check Oynx out, their work is super cool!

Although the skies of the galaxies were forever a sunset to nightfall, it was no later than 9 in the planet of the Lilim.

Its princess, Eve, resigned to her chambers in the west palace, the planet's natural flora greeting her as she entered the room. She took a moment to touch the lotuses in the lily pond close to her balcony, enjoying their fresh and sweet scent.

She looked out to the windows and glanced at the stars and the faraway planets. She took a moment to remember how she and her sister tried counting how many planets there were and how many would soon come to their world in the following years. Now, that time had stopped.

Now, Eve would become a queen and her sister to be general their planet's military.

Eve quickly shook the thought and began to settle for the night. Her favorite book was at the edge of the other side, the portraits of her parents and grandmother looking back at how she had grown. She couldn't help but smile at how proud they could be while they watch over her with their goddess.

With a quick, soft clap of her hands, her lights dimmed as she hurried into bed. Then, to dream.

...........

The unnerving void of nothingness felt like eyes were on Eve that watched her every move. She felt cold, yet she couldn't shiver nor try to exhale the coldness.

Red smoke clouded her view and it felt potent to her senses to even try to breathe in, so she kept her mouth closed. Eve kept walking on, to at least find a exit to this strange place.

Then.

A hand. Then another. Then more. All, so many, grabbed at her as whispers echoed in her ears.

"Join him." "He will bring us salvation." "He is our God."

And Eve ran. Ran far away from whatever was trying to lead her astray. She couldn't look back, not when she could feel those creatures, those voices, right behind her.

It felt like a loop, a never-ending hall to nowhere, no escape. Eve was starting to feel hopeless, like there was no one to come for her. She was vulnerable, easy to take and to indoctrinate. She couldn't even bear to look as the voices captured her and a long, lanky hand reached out for her as the sufferable red smoke corrupted her mind and her soul.

...........

Eve never thought she could scream so loudly. She was in brink of sweat as tears rolled down her face and her hands shook violently.

Her chamber doors opened immediately as the dark wolf critter, her guard Bolt, looked at her with concern.

"Princess? You screamed. Are you-"

Bolt took a moment to realize how she was clutching onto her evening blouse tightly and her breathing rapid. He rushed to her side and kneeled.

"Can you hold my hands?"

Eve turned to him and quickly grabbed his hands as she looked down to her lap.

Bolt didn't clutch her hands nor fully held them. He knew she needed room as he did what he could to get her back calm. He spoke softly, never looking away.

"Good, princesa. Now breathe with me."

The dark wolf critter demonstrated first as his paws rubbed her hands to soothe her shakiness a little. Eve listened to him and started to take deep breaths, the shakiness in her voice slowly soothing away.

"Good, good. Now, tell me what do you see."

Eve's eyes glanced around her chambers before opening her mouth to speak despite her screaming earlier created a painful sensation to her throat.

"I... I see the lotuses.."

"What else do you see?"

"I see you.."

Bolt nodded softly as he sat up and guided her to the lily pond, his eyes on her. The two sat down at the edge, the lotuses gliding in the water.

He kept his eyes on the princess and held her close, his paw and her hand intertwined. With a small exhale, he softly sang a old song.

Seas invite in the evening sun,

To light the somber abyss.

Clouds dance up with the heavens stars,

Chanting an air of joyous bliss.

Water fades back from blue to jade,

Guiding young rainbows high.

Flowers bloom in to reds and whites,

Quenching our hearts as they run dry.

Angels chained,

By a beast locked in slumber.

Sin washed away,

By the swift flow of time.

I may know the answers,

Journey over snow and sand.

What twist of fate has brought us,

To tread upon this land?

Bolt looked down at Eve, noticing how she had gotten calmer after his song. He rest his chin on top of her head as his paws gently went through her hair.

Whatever her dream was, whatever had frightened her like this, was now a priority to discover.

The dark wolf critter looked down at her with a soft, small smile.

"Don't worry, my princess. Nothing will happen to you or our home as long as I am here and our friends."

[nonogalego]

Noel and Sally at the Chiltern Firehouse 10th anniversary party

Noel e Sally foram vistos juntos novamente ontem a noite no Chiltern Firehouse, que organizou uma grande festa pelo 10° aniversário do clube, com a presença de várias celebridades como Lily Allen, Idris Elba e até da Princesa Beatrice.

Novamente, Noel e Sally foram vistos entrando o clube de forma separada, e não há fotos deles dois lado a lado...

Não sei se isso é alguma estratégia deles para desvalorizarem as fotos dos paparazzi ou se esse namoro esfriou de vez!

Mas devo dizer que Sally está cada vez mais bonita e segura em cada nova aparição! Dessa vez ela não ficou olhando para baixo, deixou a cabeça levantada e demonstrou um olhar mais tranquilo.

Ela parece ser uma mulher educada, elegante e centrada. E principalmente, consciente de que ela não é uma celebridade e que não está passando por uma crise de meia idade!

Uma pena que parece que Noel conseguiu ter a mulher que queria nessa fase de sua vida, mas não demonstra nenhuma paixão por ela!

Isso é proteção ou ela é só uma fachada Noel?

[amirasainz]

as someone who is currently badly injured, I would love to see Carlos and the drivers+WAG'd reactions to Baby! Sainz getting injured, like a broken bone

i love your writing so much!!! 💗💗

Hi love! I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be fine again soon. I hope you'll enjoy this little piece for you! 💕 My requests are always open and feedback is very much welcome. -XoXo

The broken arm

You know that moment when terror spreads through your whole body? The voices around you become muffled, and your heart hammers in your chest. You can’t get enough air into your lungs. For one millisecond, you think this is the end. Your hands start to shake, and your body heat seems to drain away. Carlos felt all of this right now. For that brief moment, the world stopped. Everything froze. His eyes remained glued to the floor, which stared right back at him. The color drained from his face. In that fleeting instant, Carlos wished the world would swallow him whole.

When he took his next breath, everything around him sprang back to life. He heard Kika and Alex crying, Oscar and Lewis arguing with the nurse, Lando fainting and falling, Charles taking deep, shuddering breaths, Carmen and George trying to console each other, Lily pacing the floor, Alex staring shell-shocked at the wall, Max rubbing his hands up and down Kelly’s leg, and Pierre cursing in French.

It was all too much. The only thing keeping Carlos from spiraling was Rebecca. She knelt down in front of him and took his face in her hands. “Hey, Carlos. Everything is okay. She’s alright. It’s just a broken arm.” Oh, how his heart broke.

No one would have thought that before 8 p.m., the hospital would be flooded with drivers and WAGs. Why? Because Amira Sainz accidentally slipped down the stairs. And boy, did that hurt. When she was on the floor again, she was surrounded by people. Before anyone could ask her anything, she started crying. That was all it took for the group, including Mamá and Papá Sainz, to rush to the hospital.

When the nurse emerged and informed them that his little sister had broken her arm, chaos erupted. The group’s loud reactions drew plenty of attention, but in their defense, the nurse had just shattered their hearts.

“It’s just a broken arm. She’ll be fine in 4 weeks.”

Four weeks! That couldn’t be right. While the atmosphere outside felt like the onset of an apocalypse, inside Amira’s room, it was surprisingly calm.

Mamá gently stroked Amira’s hair, while Papá held her hand (the uninjured one). “Estás bien, mi princesa. Eres tan valiente en este momento,” Mamá whispered sweetly in her ear. Reyes and Carlos Sr. knew how terrified their daughter was of hospitals, so they both did their best to reassure her.

The kind doctor addressed her."Señorita Amira, in four weeks, everything will be okay again. Just be careful not to get the cast wet.” Carlos Sr. thanked the doctor, and Reyes asked, “Are you ready to go, mi hija?” Amira nodded quickly, and with Papá’s assistance, she hopped down from the bed, still holding his hand. After all, she was his daughter.

As they returned to the entrance, they were met with a crowd of people. Over the next four weeks, Amira was treated like the little princess she truly was.

Carmen and George accompanied her on walks through the park. Charles and Alex visited with Baby Léo. Max shared some silly Red Bull rumors while Kelly gently painted her nails. Yuki prepared meals for her. Lewis pampered her with skincare routines. Alex and Lily joined her for movie nights, watching all her favorite films. Lando engaged in playful games with her. Kika and Pierre exchanged gossip. Oscar, Lily, and she went shopping together. They all did things for her, and she felt immense gratitude.

Yet, her most cherished moments were when Carlos and Rebecca were present. Her brother always cooked her favorite dishes, while Rebecca patiently braided her long hair. During those moments, everything felt calm. “Are you okay, darling?” Rebecca inquired. Amira glanced over her shoulder and quietly replied, “Yes.” Becca smiled, kissed her cheek, and resumed braiding, both of them engrossed in their show. As for Carlos, he relished seeing his two favorite girls bonding. But just as he settled into the scene, an odd smell reached his nose. When he turned around, he discovered the pizza had burned.

"Fuck…."

[diazsdimples]

Fuck It Friday

Good afternoon! It's technically Saturday here but shhhh! We've got a small continuation of Eddie and Buck post Shannon's death in Single Dad au today! Pls enjoy

Tagged by @cal-daisies-and-briars @watchyourbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @daffi-990 @hippolotamus and @wikiangela thank you my friends!!

Eddie looks like shit.

It’s obvious he’s been crying; his eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, and he’s got that kind of far away, glazed look in his eyes of someone who’s not all quite there. He’s got a hand on Christopher’s shoulder and Buck can tell from the way his knuckles are white, that he’s clutching onto Christopher for dear life.

And Christopher, man, the kid looks so small next to his father. He looks scared and confused, like he’s not entirely sure how they ended up at Buck’s place and Buck reckons the kid is just here for the ride. He looks not dissimilar to Carrie did 5 years ago and Buck’s throat constricts painfully at the memory.

“Hey,” he says softly, letting go of Carrie’s hand to place it on Eddie’s shoulder and squeeze tight.

“Hey,” Eddie replies. His voice sound far away, like an echo.

Buck steps back, letting them through the door, and bends to help Christopher out of his shoes because Eddie’s just standing there swaying lightly as if there’s a breeze. Buck gets it, he really does.

“Carrie,” he says softly, drawing his daughter and Christopher close to him, “why don’t you take Chris into your room. You can show him your new Switch game?”

Carrie shakes her head and takes Chris’s hand, squeezing it quickly before gesturing for him to follow. “I wanna show him Momma.”

Buck’s heart clenches, but he lets them go, watching as Carrie guides Christopher to the backyard, keeping her hand between his shoulders as they walk. He hears Eddie let out a breath and looks up just in time to see him slump forwards.

Buck stands up quickly and grabs Eddie, pulling him into his arms and holding him so tight he worries he’s going to break a bone.

“Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Eddie lets out a strangled noise as he buries his face in Buck’s neck, his body shaking as he sobs. Buck lets him cry. He holds him, one hand pressing into the small of his back as the other cups his neck, and he sways the two back and forth.

Eddie pulls away after a few minutes, sniffing loudly, a horrible, snotty noise. “I’m sorry,” he chokes, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, “I should be better.”

“Eddie,” Buck says softly, clasping his shoulder and angling his head so Eddie has no choice but to look him in the eyes. “Your wife just died. You don’t need to be anything right now.”

At that moment, Lily, having initially followed her sister and Chris into the backyard, came padding quietly towards Buck and Eddie and reached up to tug on Eddie’s pants.

“Eddie?”

Eddie looked down and gave her a watery smile. “Yes, mi princesa?”

Lily holds her arms up, giving him a small taster of her puppy eyes that have caused Buck to fold like a deck chair a number of time. “Hug?”

Eddie chokes out a laugh between sobs and lifts her into his arms, sighing heavily as Lily settles her head on his shoulder and threads her fingers through the short hairs on the nape of his neck. Usually she does this to calm herself down but today, Buck can see his daughter is trying to bring Eddie a semblance of the comfort she gets from his hugs.

“You’re sad, Eddie?” Lily asks quietly.

Eddie nods, swallowing hard. “Yeah, baby, I’m sad.” He cups the back of her head with his hand, running his fingers through her long, blonde curls, and sways them back and forth, almost in a little dance.

“Daddy says we need to make you feel better. Do hugs make you feel better?”

This time Eddie’s laugh is more genuine. “Hugs always make me feel better. Do you think we should get your Daddy in here?”

Lily perks up at this idea immediately and lifts her head off his shoulder, holding her arm out for Buck to join.

“Come on, Daddy!” she insists, making grabby hands towards him and Eddie, the fucker, with his watery eyes and snotty nose, grins and opens his arm for Buck too.

“Yeah, Daddy, come on.”

With a playful eyeroll, Buck steps into Eddie and his daughter’s embrace, holding them both tight. It’s a little awkward at first, trying to juggle Lily so she’s not being squashed between the two men, but eventually they get there with Lily sitting on Eddie’s hip, one arm around Buck’s neck and the other around Eddie’s, and her forehead resting against Buck’s as she pulls him closer. Buck’s nose brushes Eddie’s ear as he lays his head on Buck’s shoulder.

No pressure tagging @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @disasterbuckdiaz @theotherbuckley @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @jesuisici33 @callmenewbie @bucksbackwardcap @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @fionaswhvre @smilingbuckley @aspecbuddie @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @rainbow-nerdss @fruitandbubbles @eddie---diaz

[choicesficwriterscreations]

CFWC F/AotWeek Mar 3 - 9, 2024

✒️= Fanfic | 📱= Text Fics/Edits | 🎨 = Fanart Ⓜ️ = Mature Content 18+ | 🔥 = Explicit/NSFW 18+ 🏳️‍🌈 = LGBTQIA |🔹Submitted by creator

BACHELORETTE PARTY

Gardenia in Blossom ✒️🏳️‍🌈🔹| BP NB!MC - @aallotarenunelma

BLADES OF LIGHT AND SHADOW

Blades Full Listing Week Ending March 9, 2024

BLOODBOUND

Hide Me In Thy Wounds - Part 2/2 ✒️🔹| Gaius Augustine x MC - @gaiuskamilah

CRIMES OF PASSION

Crimes of Passion Drabble ✒️🔹| m!Trystan Thorne x F!MC by @lilyoffandoms for @storyofmychoices

Gabriel Rose 🎨🏳️‍🌈 by @lilyoffandoms

Home Without Part 3 ✒️🔹| m! Trystan Thorne x F!MC by @thosehallowedhalls

Kiss and Say Goodbye 🎨🔹| m!Trystan Thorne x F!MC by @/artbyainna (C: @jerzwriter)

Lilah Rose (COP F!MC) 🎨by @lilyoffandoms for @storyofmychoices

Royalty Over Loyalty ✒️| f!Trystan Thorne x M!MC - @kwaj115

Trystan Thorne Fanart 🎨by @lilyoffandoms

What Doesn't Killy You (Series) ✒️| Sebastyan Thorne, Marguerite Thorne, Trystan Thorne - @choices-ceri Chapter 2

THE CURSED HEART

Kieran x F!MC Fanart 🎨by @bri1234

Oleander Fanart 🎨 by @artbyalz

ENDLESS SUMMER

Never Had a Friend Like Me: Part 1 ✒️ | Diego Soto & MC - @marmolady

GUINEVERE

Lancelot du Lac 🎨🏳️‍🌈by @lilyoffandoms

IMMORTAL DESIRES

Cas Harlow x OC Fanart 🎨 by @sadxlee

Cas Harlow x OC Fanart 2 🎨 by @sadxlee

Esme (ID F!MC) 🎨 by @artbyalz

IT LIVES WITHIN

Freesia Gaze ✒️🔹| Abel Flints x F!MC - @aallotarenunelma

LAWS OF ATTRACTION

Martin Vanderweil Fanart 🎨🏳️‍🌈 by @oh-so-youre-a-nerd

The Three Fates 🎨🏳️‍🌈| Original Characters - @oh-so-youre-a-nerd

MOTHER OF THE YEAR

Levi & Lily Fanart 🎨by @lilyoffandoms for @storyofmychoices

Zoey 🎨 by @lilyoffandoms

MULTIPLE STORIES

Choices MCS 🎨by @cassiopeiacorvus

NIGHTBOUND

Forever Royal ✒️🔹| Nik Ryder x F!MC - @ladylamrian

OPEN HEART

Open Heart Full List Week Ending March 9, 2024

QUEEN B

I'm Not Needed, Never Will I Be ✒️🏳️‍🌈| Ina Kingsley x MC - @kwaj115

RED CARPET DIARIES

Classic Hollywood Glamour 🎨| Thomas Hunt by @oh-so-youre-a-nerd for @storyofmychoices

Happiest of Birthdays 🎨| Thomas Hunt x F!OC by @weetlebeetle (C: @theartoflovingthomashunt)

THE ROYAL ROMANCE

Best Kept Secrets (Series) ✒️Ⓜ️🔹| Liam Rys x F!OC - @ao719 Chapter 19: Built to Last

Cinderfella's Adventures in Cordonia (Series) ✒️🏳️‍🌈| Liam Rys x M!MC - @justcallmefox89 Chapter 20

Hirbawi ✒️Ⓜ️🔹| Drake Walker x MC - @petiteboheme

Maxwell Beaumont x MC 🎨by @bombomangooo

Princesa Real (Series) ✒️| Liam Rys x MC - @belencha77 Chapter 1: El Amor no Existe Chapter 2: Erase Una Vez 🔹

The Royal Romance: Once Upon a Time (Chapter 2) ✒️| Liam Rys x MC - @fadingreveries

SUNKISSED

You're Always Going to be a Wildflower ✒️🔹| Nate, F!MC - @aallotarenunelma

THE UNEXPECTED HEIRESS

Christie Jane Hayes (MC) 🎨@lilyoffandoms for @storyofmychoices

WISHFUL THINKING

Amaryllis Bliss ✒️🏳️‍🌈🔹| Jamie Lewis x F!MC - @aallotarenunelma

[austxnland]

PBs MASCULINOS

Bill Nighy (datunni)

Timothée Chalamet (Kimbra)

Alexander Skarsgård (Rhoda)

Ewan Mitchell (Pixerina)

Daniel Sharman (Mar)

Henry Cavill (leonoratupelomemola)

Theo James (prudencehalliwell)

Lorenzo Zurzolo (masterrpg)

Nicholas Galitzine (Motopapi)

Maxence Danet (Cinders)

Damian Hardung (Lotillo)

Jude Law (Aspen)

Ben Barnes (Aspen)

Aaron Taylor Johnson (Theorp)

Sam Caflin (herfuckinghighness)

Ken Bek (Strong)

David Morrisey (mariemaudite)

Josh O'Connor (Murdoch)

Collin Farrel (Luka)

Luke Evans (Aquiles)

Johnny Depp (fitzalanhoward)

Leo Suter (Wonderwall)

Anar Khalilov (ladycerise)

Kylle Soller (Dormer)

Leo Woodall (aqua)

Jonathan Bailey (Tilney)

Lee Pace (Vinda)

Jack Lowden (Prince)

Michiel Huisman (Apolo)

Jonathan Bailey (Disso)

Guy Remmers (Ese)

Logan Marshall-Green (Ruffian)

Luke Newton (Pajarito)

Tom Hiddleston (Silkyy)

Douglas Booth (Kai)

Leonardo Di Caprio (Ashurbanipal)

Freddy Carter (Bram)

Danny Griffin (missmyowndream)

Michael Fassbender (Lady A)

Mads Mikkelsen (Hamish)

Austin Butler (lastberserker)

Max Irons (Archibald)

Louis Garrel (Queensberry)

PBS FEMENINOS

PBS FEMENINOS

Sarah Gadon (datnunni)

Marina Aleksandrova (the-modified-girl)

Hannah Dodd (leireg)

Dominique Davenport (beautiful–ghost)

Elizabeth Debicki (Rhoda)

Michelle Dockery (Pixerina)

Lucy Boynton (Mars)

Alyda Grace (dillahokk)

Kaya Scodelario (dillahokk)

Yuliya Khlynina (Mar)

Nicola Coughlan (konohaironfist)

Harriet Herbig-Matte (Sadri)

Phoebe Dynevor (herfuckinghighness)

Taylor Swift (ethxreall)

Anya Taylor-Joy

Elle Fanning (Murdoch)

Jenna Coleman (Luka)

Laura Berlin (Lastberserker)

Arielle Chartrand (Moonpie)

Abigail Cowen (missmyowndream)

Emma Watson (ethxreall)

Bella Heathcote (H3)

Alina Kovalenko (ladycerise)

Katie McGrath (Moonlight)

Ella Purnell (aqua)

Florence Pugh (Milanesa)

Elina Kataeva (Lotillo)

Gabriella Wilde (Kairi)

Lily James (anya)

Jessica Barden (Kai)

Adelaide Kane (Kiki)

Emmy Rossum (Milanesa)

Florence Hunt (Golden)

Harriet Slater

Nikki Beiar (Gianna)

Simone Ashley (Foreigner)

Sara Bolger (Arien)

Sabrina Bartlett (Rocky)

Ashlie Atkinson (Vinda)

Emeraude Toubia

Alicia Vikander (BG)

Hailee Steinfeld (Tete)

Ashleigh Stewa (Tete)

Phoebe Tonkin (Erismoony)

Deva Cassel (delicatewerewolfblaze)

Noomi Rapace (MagicRules)

Lea Sydoux (Blue)

Anna Sahaydachna (Snowflake)

Natalie Dormer (Garbanza)

Winnie Harlow (Chantelle Brown-Young) Lady A.

Ana de Armas (Isolde)

Eleanor Tomlinson (Blacksver)

Anna Sitkina (Milanesa)

Holliday Grainger (Rosamund)

Kim Cattrall (Montrose)

Kristine Froseth (kairi)

MONARQUÍA

Hijo varón (28 años) de la princesa Diana Elizabeth. (Kimbra) Hija de la Princesa Diana - Mujer. 23. Soltera. (leireg) Príncipe Philipp Joseph Laurence Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Rhoda) Esposa príncipe Philippe (Pixerina) Hija de 19 años de la princesa Charlotte (Mars) Gemelo hijo mayor de Princesa Eugenia Justine Hildegard Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Mar) Gemelo hijo menor) de Princesa Eugenia Justine Hildegard Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Golden) Hija de 20 años de Princesa Diana (dillahokk) Hijo de 18 años del príncipe Archibald Leopold (masterrpg) Hijo de 20 años del Príncipe Archibald Leopold (Cinders) Primer hijo de la Princesa Diana. Príncipe Edward George Charles Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Aspen) Hija de 23 de la Princesa Charlotte Eloise Cecile Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Milanesa) Hija de 20 de la Princesa Charlotte Eloise Cecile Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Kairi) Hija de 25 años de la Princesa Charlotte Eloise Cecile Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Anya) Hijo varón de 32 del Príncipe Edward (Prince) Hija de 23 años soltera de la princesa Aurora (melliza) (Gianna) Hija de 23 años soltera de la princesa Aurora (melliza) (Erismoony) Hija de 27 años del Príncipe Edward - Princesa (fitzalanhoward) Hijo de 30 años del Príncipe Edward (Kai) Hijo varón, 23 años, de la Princesa EugeniaJustine Hildegard Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Lotillo) Hija Mujer de 25 años de la Princesa Aurora Epiphanía Victoria Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Tete) Princesa Amelia Anne Aurora Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Snowflake)

MONARQUÍA

Hijo varón (28 años) de la princesa Diana Elizabeth. (Kimbra)

Hija de la Princesa Diana - Mujer. 23. Soltera. (leireg)

Príncipe Philipp Joseph Laurence Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Rhoda)

Esposa príncipe Philippe (Pixerina)

Hija de 19 años de la princesa Charlotte (Mars)

Gemelo hijo mayor de Princesa Eugenia Justine Hildegard Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Mar)

Gemelo hijo menor) de Princesa Eugenia Justine Hildegard Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Golden)

Hija de 20 años de Princesa Diana (dillahokk)

Hijo de 18 años del príncipe Archibald Leopold (masterrpg)

Hijo de 20 años del Príncipe Archibald Leopold (Cinders)

Primer hijo de la Princesa Diana. Príncipe Edward George Charles Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Aspen)

Hija de 23 de la Princesa Charlotte Eloise Cecile Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Milanesa)

Hija de 20 de la Princesa Charlotte Eloise Cecile Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Kairi)

Hija de 25 años de la Princesa Charlotte Eloise Cecile Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Anya)

Hijo varón de 32 del Príncipe Edward (Prince)

Hija de 23 años soltera de la princesa Aurora (melliza) (Gianna)

Hija de 23 años soltera de la princesa Aurora (melliza) (Erismoony)

Hija de 27 años del Príncipe Edward - Princesa (fitzalanhoward)

Hijo de 30 años del Príncipe Edward (Kai)

Hijo varón, 23 años, de la Princesa EugeniaJustine Hildegard Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Lotillo)

Hija Mujer de 25 años de la Princesa Aurora Epiphanía Victoria Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha. (Tete)

Princesa Amelia Anne Aurora Sajonia-Coburgo-Gotha (Snowflake)

TÍTULOS NOBILIARIOS

Lord Cavendish (Duque de Devonshire) - Condado Devonshire (datnunni)

Conde y Condesa de Essex (Earl and Countess of Essex). (the-modified-girl)

Condado de Carlisle (beautiful--ghost)

Ducado de York (Rhoda)

Ducado Dorset (Ballerina)

Lady Cavendish (Hija menor del Duque de Devonshire) - Condado Devonshire. (Mar) [Pactado con datnunni]

Familia Mountbatten Ducado de Sussex (Hija) (dillahokk)

Duquesa de Wellington (Duke and Duchess of Wellington). Familia: Wellesley. (konohaironfist)

Lady Cavendish (Hija del Duque de Devonshire) - Condado Devonshire. (herfuckinghighness)

Lord Cavendish (Hijo mayor del Duque de Devonshire) - Condado Devonshire. (herfuckinghighness)

Barón y Baronesa de Leighton (Baron and Baroness of Leighton). (mariemaudite)

Ducado de Buccleuch. (Murdoch)

Ducado de Malborough. Churchill. (Angie)

Duque de Norfolk - Condado de Norfolk (Theorp)

Condado de Bedford (Strong)

Baronía de Berkeley (Aquiles)

Baronía de Byron (lastberserker)

Duque y Duquesa de Northumberland (fitzalanhoward)

Condado de Warwick (Apolo)

Condado de Derby (Wonderwall).

Condado de Montrose (Montorse)

Vizconde de Bridport (aqua)

Vizconde y Vizcondesa de Falkland (Viscount and Viscountess of Falkland). Familia: Cary. (H3)

Conde y Condesa de Shrewsbury (Lotillo)

Ducado de Cornwall (Aspen)

Ducado e Lovelace (Baron and Baroness of Lovelace). Familia: King. (leonoratupelomemola)

Lord Lennox (Hijo del duque de Richmond) para VInla

Marquesado de Bath (Foreigner)

Marquess and Marchioness of Salisbury. Familia: Cecil. (Silkyy)

- Vizconde y Vizcondesa de Gage (Viscount and Viscountess of Gage). Familia: Gage. (Ese)

Marqués de Winchester (Lady A)

Ducado de Argyll (lastberserker)

Ducado de Hamilton (Pajarito)

Barón y Baronesa de Montagu (Baron and Baroness of Montagu) (D)

Duque de Buccleuch y Queensberry (konohaironfus)

Ducado de Athol (Milanesa)

Ducado de Gloucester (Blacksver)

[muchalucha-art]

Hi, this is my first time doing an ask but I'm generally curious on how you and the crew would name characters. Is there any certain techniques or tips? I'm asking because I created my own OC but I'm struggling on coming up with an interesting name that makes sense with their theme.

Here's a reference. (I wanted to do something like "La Princesa" but there's already a character named 'Princess Engima")

Hi there - thanks for getting in touch!

Sometimes I would have a name in my head I'd randomly created that was either a pun, or just sounded good. Zero Kelvin is a good example (Zero Kelvin refers to the absolute coldest temperature). Lili Chin and myself designed the character AFTER I came up with the name. I actually did this quite a bit...'Jorge of The Jungle' was another pun which came before the character existed - although they made us change it to 'Francisco Of The Forest' to avoid legal implications with 'George Of The Jungle'.

Some characters were just names in a script...Sonic Sumo, Snowpea, French Twist...and we designed characters inspired by the names and how we thought they'd look.

Sometimes a character design would come first, and would come up with a name to suit their look. Rikochet is a good example. My first reaction after designing him was to name him 'Torpedo'. but after some thought 'Rikochet' was decided on. He was always going to be 'motion-themed'. We designed a Japanese-themed wrestler for the episode 'Heart of Lucha', and I dug into my fondness of 1970's anime - in this case 'Mobile Suit Gundam' - and El Gundamo was born!

So there was really no definitive way of naming the characters...just mainly inspiration! -Eddie

[gneralofhearts]

era uma vez… uma pessoa comum, de um lugar sem graça nenhuma! há, sim, estou falando de você isabel price. você veio de new york, estados unidos e costumava ser escritora por lá antes de ser enviada para o mundo das histórias. se eu fosse você, teria vergonha de contar isso por aí, porque enquanto você estava escrevendo fanfic, tem gente aqui que estava salvando princesas das garras malignas de uma bruxa má! tem gente aqui que estava montando em dragões. tá vendo só? você pode até ser competente, mas você não deixa de ser uma baita de uma insegura… se, infelizmente, você tiver que ficar por aqui para estragar tudo, e acabar assumindo mesmo o papel de general ás de copas na história wonderland… bom, eu desejo boa sorte. porque você vai precisar!

infos gerais.

♡ Nome: Isabel Price ♡ Idade: 30 ♡ Orientação sexual: Questionável ♡ Ocupação: Host no Sinister Mirage e Curadora na Galeria dei Cuori Spezzati ♡ Ocupação anterior: Escritora e Assistente faz-tudo da dona da editora de livros em que trabalhava ♡ Faceclaim: Lily Collins

resumo.

Com seus recém-completos 30 anos, Isabel é uma mulher que sempre sonhou em viver um conto de fadas. Foi sua paixão por fantasiar e criar histórias um dos principais motivos que lhe levou a se tornar escritora, já que escrever fanfics sempre foi o seu maior hobby. Desde muito nova, era sonhadora e completamente insatisfeita com a vida que levava, e as experiências desagradáveis da vida adulta apenas lhe trouxeram mais vontade de viver dentro dos livros que lia e escrevia. Para sua frustração, acreditava estar fadada ao fracasso em todos os âmbitos da vida, não conseguindo ser bem-sucedida nem na carreira nem no amor. Antes de ser sugada para dentro do livro, enfrentava um processo de divórcio após descobrir que seu marido a traía com sua melhor amiga, que também havia sido madrinha do seu casamento, além de ter sido obrigada a voltar a morar com a mãe com quem não se dava bem e também estar completamente desgostosa com o emprego que tinha. Em meio a uma crise dos 30, Isabel enxergou nessa confusão uma oportunidade de recomeçar. É claro que tem muita curiosidade sobre a existência do mundo mágico e sobre o que a levou até ali, mas estaria mentindo se dissesse que quer voltar para o mundo real e para sua vida antiga.

personalidade.

Isabel é sonhadora e idealista, ficando frequentemente mergulhada em suas próprias fantasias. Ela tende a ser compreensiva e evitar conflitos, o que às vezes a torna vulnerável a ser aproveitada pelos outros. Sua natureza atrapalhada sempre lhe causa situações embaraçosas, e sua inocência faz com que confie facilmente nas pessoas. Apesar disso, ela está em um processo de autoconhecimento e busca afirmar-se mais, desejando ser respeitada e valorizada na tentativa de equilibrar sua natureza gentil com uma postura mais assertiva e confiante. Desde que chegou ao Reino dos Perdidos, tem tentado com afinco mostrar um novo lado de si: uma pessoa menos benevolente e mais arisca. Afinal, se continuasse ali – e ela esperava poder continuar – não teria como ocupar o papel do General Ás de Copas sendo tão complacente.

antes do reino dos perdidos.

O livro, que até então acreditava ser um presente de aniversário, brilhou para Isabel e a sugou para o Mundo das Histórias enquanto ela estava na recepção do dentista esperando a filha de sua chefe ser atendida, após decidir dar uma espiada sobre o que se tratava aquele presente misterioso que haviam deixado em sua porta naquela manhã. Mas quem é essa tal de Isabel e por que ela foi parar na história de Wonderland? A segunda resposta eu não posso te dar, até porque eu também não sei nem como nem o porquê, mas quem ela é eu posso te contar. Isabel Price é uma mulher comum, de nome comum, que vive uma vida comum, tem um marido comum, um emprego comum, uma mãe... ok, sua mãe não é tão comum assim, essa é a única parte que não é completamente desinteressante. Tá bom, tá bom! Eu vou te contar tudo direito, mas aviso desde já: não há nada de emocionante, é uma história de vida completamente ordinária. Mas já que você insiste em saber então vamos lá, do início. Nascida e criada em Nova York, Isabel ao longo dos seus 30 anos recém-completos já fantasiou dezenas de realidades alternativas em universos diversos. Desde pequena, sua imaginação fértil a levava a lugares incríveis, mas também a frustrava de formas inimagináveis. Inventava as mais diversas histórias para fugir da própria realidade monótona e sempre ficava triste, por vezes até aborrecida, quando tinha que ir dormir porque precisaria acordar cedo no outro dia; afinal sua vida estava bem longe de ser o conto de fadas que desejava. É formada em letras, e apesar de trabalhar numa editora de livros renomada, seu emprego a deixa insatisfeita, já que foi em busca da vaga com o objetivo de fazer uma ponte para ter seus livros publicados, e se frustrou completamente quando percebeu que na realidade sua chefe só precisava de uma faz-tudo e não tinha o menor interesse em si como escritora. Ela se via presa em uma rotina entediante, com um sonho que parecia impossível de ser realizado e ainda carregando o fardo emocional de estar passando por um processo de divórcio doloroso após descobrir que era traída pelo marido. E não, a base familiar dela também não é funcional. Primeiro, ela é filha de mãe solteira. Segundo, a mãe dela na verdade parece uma irmã mais velha que quer ser mais nova. Terceiro, por que você acha que ela tenta fugir da própria realidade desde criança?! Mas enfim... Isabel falhou em literalmente todos os âmbitos da sua vida, e por isso se viu obrigada a voltar a morar com sua progenitora: uma mulher de cinquenta e poucos anos, com uma personalidade expansiva que não combina nem um pouco com a da filha, que se considera o verdadeiro espírito livre e atua como sexóloga e escritora de livros eróticos. Agora que você já sabe quem ela é, podemos deixar essa história toda no passado? Fala sério, no lugar dela você também iria enxergar essa confusão toda como uma oportunidade de recomeço. Então deixa ela, mesmo que continue não sendo protagonista nem da própria história, talvez seja a hora dela escrever algo novo para si e viver novos traumas! Quero dizer, talvez seja a hora de viver algo inédito, diferente, e quem sabe realizar alguns sonhos.

[xmissrogersx]

mi escritura es totalmente de mi autoría. Toda adaptación y/o copia esta prohibida.

espero que estén disfrutando mis historias bbys, me ayudan mucho si le dan ♡ , las quiero!

“Video Games” | Joel Miller

━━━━━━━━ ˚✩ ♡ ๑՞. ⟡ ━━━━━━━

━━━━━━━━ ˚✩ ♡ ๑՞. ⟡ ━━━━━━━

Un día soleado de verano transitaba en la pequeña comunidad de Jackson. Los árboles brindaban una agradable brisa instaba a los niños a jugar en las calles antes de entrar a la escuela; y las flores en las ventanas de las casas daban colores que hacían olvidar la oscuridad del mundo exterior.

-Es todo por hoy, linda —se asomó Maria por el pasillo.

-¿Segura que no me necesitas? Puedo quedarme a ayudarte.

-Claro que no, cubriste mucho tiempo cuando tuve que cuidar al descuidado de mi esposo —exclamó, haciéndonos reír a ambas.-Ve, si no Joel va a matarme por tenerte tanto tiempo alejada.

Tome mi bolso y salí de la pequeña y acogedora biblioteca cambió a casa. Casa. Un hogar. Después de tantos años anhelando tener un hogar al cual volver. Atravesé la única calle, para verlo al final del camino, sentado en el porche de la entrada tocando su guitarra junto a Ellie.

-¡Paris! Mira… —tocó unos leves acordes, haciendo que Joel levantase la viera con orgullo paternal.

-Sabia que lo lograrías.

-Tengo que ir a contarle a Lily —se levanto y salió como si la vida pendiese de ello, pero volvió para darme un breve pero tierno abrazo.

-Gracias por ayudarme con la tarea de literatura, no hubiese entendido lo que decía el autor de no ser por ti —y antes que pudiera responderle corrió nuevamente rumbo a la casa de su amiga.

La emoción me estaba ganando nuevamente al intentar que no se me aguaran los ojos. Gire para ver a Joel con su mirada clavada en mi, la cual se tornaba más oscura al recorrerme con sus orbes café. Mordí mi labio inferior en provocación.

-Ven aquí, ángel —palmeó su muslo y extendió su mano.

Refugiarme en sus fuertes brazos, oler su aroma a pino mezclado con el ligero toque de whisky escocés, mientras me acurrucaba en su pecho era la definición de lo que más disfrutaba de mi día.

-¿Que tal el trabajo? —preguntó acariciando mi pierna, levantando ligeramente la tela de mi vestido.

-Solo yo y un montón de libros. Me encanta. Ayude a un par de chicos a buscar uno… ¡ah! y una niña quería leer una historia sobre amistad y aventuras. Por favor, Joel, dime si hablo demasiado rápido —tape mi cara avergonzada.

Su risa hizo eco en mis oídos, provocando una descarga en mi cuerpo. Cada vez que reía grababa en mi mente su melodía.

-Jamás podría cansarme de escucharte, preciosa. ¿Y que libro le recomendaste?

-Mujercitas. Recuerdo que cuando era pequeña logré conseguirlo de contrabando en la zona QZ. Me ayudaba a olvidarme de toda la mierda de afuera por un rato. Imaginaba que era una de las hermana March, y me la pasaba jugando a los peregrinos y decorando la casa para las festividades.

-Puedes hacerlo ahora —enarqué una ceja ante su respuesta.- A Ellie le gustaría. Ella ama todo lo que hacen juntas, y María podría ayudarte con el vestuario.

Me acerqué a su rostro para posar un beso sobre su barbilla, mejilla y frente, para luego unir nuestros labios. Quería que supiera que adoraba como me protegía y adoraba día a día. Y que era suya, hoy y siempre.

-Joel Miller, si eres un viejo sentimental —dije ganándome un pellizco en mis muslos.

-¿Quieres saber lo que le haces a este viejo al usar ese vestido?

Mis pulmones se habían quedado sin aire en un segundo, a pesar del viento que corría. Eso provocaba Joel en mi. Asentí levemente, siguiendo su juego. Puse mis piernas ambos lados de su regazo, y apoyé mis manos en su pecho.

Desabotone su camisa, y acaricie las cicatrices que adornaban su torso, besándolas una por una, mientras baje mi mano a la hebilla de su pantalón.

-Estás jugando con fuego, princesa —gimió por lo bajo, haciéndome sentir poderosa al ver el efecto que causaba en él.

El condado de Jackson se había reunido en la sala de cine, dejando el lugar vacío. Que excelente coincidencia.

[yuxvee-a]

𓏲 ་ ࣪ ་ quando você passa pelos corredores da academia, todos se atentam aos seus passos, afinal é a grande 𝒀𝑼 𝑿𝑼𝑬❜𝑬, a princesa da 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀, tendo nascido em 𝐗𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐀𝐈, sob o signo de 𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐈𝐀𝐎. está no 𝐎𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐕𝐎 𝐀𝐍𝐎 com a tenra idade de 𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄 𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐎 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐒. dizem que se parece com 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐔, mas são apenas boatos !

+ : adaptável , vivaz , independente , resiliente , carismática

- : mercurial , egocêntrica , imprevisível , manipuladora , imprudente

𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖 .

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 .

nome completo: yu xue'e \ celine yu ( nome ocidental )

apelidos: yu , yuxu

data de nascimento: 16 de novembro, 1997

local de nascimento: xangai, china

orientação sexual: heterosexual ( pansexual )

relacionamento: noiva do @principe herdeiro da espanha

família: yu xiaowen , yu lixun , yu zhaoxiang , yu jianguo , yu huidi & yu yangjian ( irmãos ) , yu shimin & zheng xiuying ( pais )

animais de estimação: minzhe ( um chow chow preto-azulado ) , meiying ( uma cão de crista chinês albina ) & daoji ( um hanoveriano preto )

educação: oitavo ano na academia preparatória real , genética & moda ( extracurriculares ) , comitê de diversidade ( clube ) & hipismo ( esporte )

idiomas: mandarim ( & xangainês ) , cantonês , inglês , francês & italiano ( fluente ) , alemão, árabe & espanhol ( intermediário )

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒: mismatched earrings and shoes, a faint whiff of guerlain spiriteuse double vanille, an overwhelming amount of missed calls and unanswered texts, staring too long at something or someone, the wind  on your face atop a horse’s back, melodic laughs, exchanged whispers at the break of dawn, heart shaped sunglasses holding back wisps of hair, the ache of your title like a wound, walking barefoot through sand, grass, marble and water, fresh honey, the texture of la mer serums on your skin, fig and yogurt cake, feeling the pulse of someone else with your lips, glittery and black clothes, the soft fur of a dog between your fingertips, slightly smudged lipsticks, adrenaline fuelled and filled pastimes, red carnations and white lilies in a vase, the feeling of never being enough as a default.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐋𝐒: serena van der woodsen ( gossip girl ) , elaine parks ( the love witch ) , carla rosón ( elite ) , jackie burkhart ( that '70s show ) , rachel green ( friends ) , daisy buchanam ( the great gatsby ) , marissa cooper ( the o.c ) & clementine ( eternal sunshine of a spotless mind )

o estado imperial da china é exemplo de prosperidade e integridade tanto para aqueles que admiram a grande huaxia, quanto para opositores que questionam a ascensão vertiginosa da potência asiática. com a retomada do poder pela dinastia ming, da qual a atual família monárquica é sucessora de zhu yuangzhang, a regência celeste dos yu tem no imperador xiaowen o líder político e espiritual supremo, sagrado e inviolável, filho do céu e pai do povo, que aliado a vinte e um ministérios, três comissões, o banco central e ao gabinete de auditoria nacional, governa com triunfo o segundo maior país em extensão do mundo e a maior economia global. berço de incontáveis invenções revolucionárias, ainda é considerada o grande expoente científico e tecnológico mundial, conciliando inovação e modernidade à cultura e tradição, tão abrangentes como as proporções continentais de suas fronteiras. o shenismo, adotado pelos descendentes imperiais, e considerado religião predominante no estado chinês, junto à multitude de crenças, do islã ao cristianismo, são responsáveis por grande parte dos costumes que compõem a exuberante civilização e história sínicas e as colocam como o quarto destino turístico mais popular do mundo. da grande muralha à cidade proibida e praça da paz celestial de pequim, dos arranha-céus de xangai aos guerreiros de terracota e quarteirão muçulmano de xi'an, das montanhas de guilin ao santuário de preservação de pandas de chengdu, do lago das cinco flores em juizhagou aos pilares de arenito e ponte de vidro de zhangjiajie, dos templos de kunming, a cidade eterna da primavera, à floresta de pedra de shilin, de hong kong à macau e taiwan, são mais de quatro mil anos de vivacidade e riquezas que fazem da china o dragão de ouro.

❝  você não é uma princesa por ser filha de um rei, mas sim por ser irmã do imperador da china, a maior potência do mundo. você nunca precisou se preocupar com a possibilidade de herdar o trono, porque mesmo que as leis de seu país permitissem uma mulher de herdar o trono, você tem seis irmãos mais velhos, todos já com seus filhos. isso lhe deixou a vontade para crescer explorando o mundo e tudo o que tinha a oferecer, mesmo que eles tentassem lhe prender por te considerar… frágil. começou a trocar os dias pelas noites porque as melhores festas duravam a noite toda, por isso sempre fora comum vê-la dormindo pelos cantos, nos lugares mais improváveis. seu irmão mais velho a mandou para a academia na esperança de te ‘endireitar’, de transformar a menina em mulher, mas… longe dos olhos atentos dos familiares, você apenas se rebelou e começou a fazer tudo o que sempre quis fazer. não importa que você não seja capaz de enxergar completamente, afinal as pessoas consideram até charmoso quando está com brincos tropados ou sapatos diferentes. sua visão prejudicada nunca a impediu e jamais a impedirá de nada. apesar de ser considerada uma preguiçosa de notas ruins, você tem sede pela vida. é como se a bebida, o calor humano, o sexo lhe dessem pelo que viver. você adora tudo isso. talvez seja porque sabe que sua doença nos olhos está progredindo e parece não haver cura, talvez porque saiba que existe a possibilidade e acordar algum dia e não enxergar… nada. enquanto isso não acontece, você está disposta a viver o máximo que pode, sufocando a mágoa e a fúria pela doença que ousa ameaçar lhe tirar a visão ❞

𝐓𝐖: menção de distúrbios psicológicos, menção de pensamentos e ações suicidas & menção de abuso mental e negligência

sete é um número tão auspicioso como agourento na tradição chinesa, e sete lhe é concedido ainda no ventre. a sétima gestação da admirada imperatriz xiuying, você nasce às sete e sete de uma manhã de inverno em novembro de mil novecentos e noventa e sete. o anúncio da sua chegada uma fotografia granulada nos braços do imperador, nos braços de seu pai, suficiente, para a apelidarem carinhosamente de pérola imperial, o brilho dos enormes olhos acastanhados como o das pérolas chocolate e bronze do taiti. o dócil registro dispersado em jornais, narrado nas rádios até os limites continentais que cingem a china, e para além das fronteiras milenares.

em uma jovem infância reluzente você cresce em meio a tensões políticas e ameaças de revoltas republicanas, mas também tem o som da cantiga da sua mãe em seus ouvidos, o deleite de muitos com apenas um vislumbre da sua presença, e o grave das vozes de seus irmãos e os braços tonificados e fortes que a carregam por onde a sua pequena voz demanda com entusiasmo infantil. em um alvoroço de sorrisos treinados, apertos de mão ensaiados e palavras decoradas, você deixa para trás as memórias simples, mas calorosas. princesa é um título que você veste com compostura e elegância forçadas, por sorte não é o seu destino, apenas um complemento.

há um motivo para as suas recordações serem, em sua maioria, de sons e toques. as íris admiradas de nascença não passam de um adereço fútil cravejado nas delicadas feições que a compõem. é o que você escuta com meros cinco anos, e junto a primeira das suas siglas. a mutação fruto dos alelos parentais, omitida nos príncipes da casa real, a contempla e a subjuga. a genética defeituosa te agracia com o diagnóstico de amaurose congênita de leber, insanável e degenerativa. te agracia com a última imagem eternamente inerte nas suas memórias, os olhares de pena que logo se mesclam a expressões amargas e de dessabor em cada um dos membros imperiais. logo a imperfeição se torna indizível pelos corredores do palácio, na privacidade dos aposentos e na serenidade dos jardins e templos. se possível fosse, censurada até mesmo nos pensamentos que estampavam desgosto.

a prisão áurea e existência póstuma que tentam lhe impor são tentativas vãs de conterem o espírito indômito contido detrás das pupilas e retinas desconsoantes que agora te caracterizam. a década de punições emocionais avultam sua independência, os anos de negligência estimulam o desalento. com a condição pairando em seu ombro, oprimindo sua exuberância, penalizando seu futuro, eles demandam que abdique das suas individualidades, da sua ânsia por sentir, por viver. então você se rebela em maneiras que lhe cabem. mas a culpa te consome, o medo irracional dos seus comportamentos levarem ao abandono. você se afasta dos que compartilham seu sangue, fazendo de palavras vis armas bélicas, montando seu arsenal com vícios e impulsividades nocivas. um ciclo maníaco e que se repete com constante autodepreciação e ira, até o estopim.

seus olhos deixam de ser a maior de suas imperfeições quando a segunda sigla que a rege é ressaltada. ela não é louca. é apenas uma princesinha mimada que está buscando atenção magoando todos que a rodeiam. por um tempo você tenta se adaptar, mas dói quando são esforços falhos e você sente a necessidade paradoxal de se ferir com substâncias lícitas e ilícitas e atos sexuais precoces e inseguros, na tentativa de acabar com o que tem dentro e a consome por inteiro, deixando um vazio estrondoso. a apatia permanece a única resposta do antigo imperador e imperatriz, do agora imperador e ministros chineses. até o momento em que com pílulas demais em seu organismo e meia garrafa de moutai, você apropria de um dos luxuosos carros de zhiaoxiang e perambula por xangai. as retinas anômalas não auxiliam na persistência do seu corpo em recobrar a sobriedade, e o impacto do veículo com a infame ponte waibaidu é a única sensação que se recorda além do desespero por ajuda. a tipificação do transtorno de personalidade limítrofe, novamente progênito de sua família, é encarada com desprazer e contínua insensibilidade. assim como o acl, o tpb cai no sigilo da família imperial.

não além dos seus tímpanos é necessário para se recordar das palavras que deixam os lábios de xiaowen, seu irmão, seu imperador, em discussão com os demais ministros yu. como alguém de tamanha beleza e olhar de corsa que transparece inocência é capaz de velar um interior tão maculado e falho? a fala consome suas veias em ira, e você se prepara para irromper no salão imperial, mas ao repassar o confronto nos olhos da sua mente, os físicos se preenchem de água que transborda como o grito preso em sua garganta. você não sabe para onde seus pés a levam, a memória muscular ainda intacta, até seus dedos se encontrarem com grama e então água. doce e frígida, lancinante, mas um bálsamo para as fissuras que aparecem na superfície do seu cerne a cada instante que vive. os latidos de minzhe e choro de meiying quebram o transe. seus dentes batem um contra o outro, os lábios arroxeados, suas roupas e longos cabelos enrijecidos pelo conjunto da água e temperaturas negativas. então a voz de jianguo soa perto demais, as palmas quentes ardendo na pele de seus ombros enquanto ele os chacoalha, esbravejando.

é um consenso. em poucas semanas todas as suas roupas, coleção de perfumes, de óculos com lentes de coração e produtos la mer estão cuidadosamente preparados e reservados em malas e mais malas. as coleiras de min e mei a postos junto com os devidos documentos. seu passaporte com algumas dezenas de carimbos no aperto esmagador de suas mãos enquanto embarca no avião imperial rumo à itália. os fármacos pesam na birkin preta que te acompanha, mas o sorriso em seus lábios é encantador na mesma medida em que os olhos esquecidos brilham em caos. as últimas palavras de xiaowen para você ainda ressoam. comporte-se, xue'e, essa é sua chance de ser a princesa que a china merece. não me desaponte, não desaponte nosso povo. faça jus ao seu nome, à nossa casa. longe do escrutínio diário você finalmente pode ser quem sempre desejou. embora a ideia de enviá-la à academia tenha sido exclusivamente dele, você tateia as oportunidades. não importa que há alguém a espera do outro lado. seu futuro ligado ao dele, seus segredos atrelados aos dele, seus genes possivelmente se misturando ao dele em uma nova vida. você passaria as suas imperfeições? o que diriam de você de onde ele vem? você não pode se apaixonar, se apegar, é apenas mais um dos saltos do destino sob o qual você deve aprender a se equilibrar, mas um que jamais pode combinar com sua peça de roupa preferida, assim como qualquer coisa em sua vida.