#pretty sure its the latter but honestly id like it more if it were the former

[salad-storm]

Do you get a kick out of it or do you just not realise. Don't know which would be worse.

[ehlnofay]

miscellaneous notes on story and drawing both:

I fiddled with the backdrop a lot (it was hard to strike the balance I wanted, because I wanted it to be busy but not detract from the foreground) but I really like how it turned out :) here it is without the pesky main character/s in the way

I've had the idea for this story for... truly a wildly long time. I think it might have occurred to me during or soon after my playthrough of the questline and it has been simmering in my head ever since. finally doing something with it was a little intimidating but very fun (many thanks to that one brainstorm-heavy night in which, while still in bed with the lights off, I wrote the outline of the scene sequence on the wall)

(that's "cave - tunnel - forest - boat - palace - kitchen - temple - mountain - red - water", for anyone who can't read my dogshit in-the-dark wall handwriting, which I assume is most people. it remains pretty accurate)

because I've been pondering this idea for so long I'm not sure how well it comes across - by which I mean, what pax is experiencing and the process they are undergoing are two different things, and they're not very aware of the latter (until the end, and they won't really understand what happened until they're further in the mantling process). I honestly don't know if I communicate The Process at all. the narrator doesn't know what's going on. but I DO so I will inflict this knowledge upon you!

what's happening in this fic is, in my mind, a crucial part of the mantling process: it is extremely hard to become something else when the thing that you are is taking up all this space. so you need to stop being that asap. the tree/grove/trial is, functionally, winnowing the wheat from the chaff; it's separating pax's self-schema from their instinct and emotions. there are kind of three characters in this piece because of that - there's pax, and then there's these two parts of them that slowly become more distinct as the journey progresses. (in a lot of my notes, I refer to them as ego and id, respectively; the freudian terminology rankles me on principle, and that's also not what either of those words means, but it worked very well as shorthand.) I hope this came across well and made any sense at all, because it was an absolutely bloody fascinating challenge to write - to examine the character and try to figure out what about them is tied to how they see themself, and what isn't? who would you be if you had no ideas about what made you, you? who would you be if that was all you were? (the ego is the coloured glass shell through which everything filters through for the id to react to; on its own it is just shell and filters. the id is without shape.) (I cannot stress enough how much that is not what either of those words mean. but shut up. if the game gets to be that wrong about psychology all the time I also get to be wrong about psychology sometimes)

the innards need to be taken out so they can fit and grow into the role of sheogorath without anything else in the way; the outside needs to go. once both parts more or less figure that out, it is upsettingly amenable to this. it's taken them this far, but it's not needed anymore.

talk about ego death.

a couple more miscellaneous notes before I speed bedford: the way I imagine all this probably relates to the cooler version of mania and dementia in my head (being positive/excess/presence and negative/deficiency/absence respectively; an empty shell and all its loose person bits wandering about unconstrained by the concept of the self fit pretty well into that duality). unrelatedly I keep thinking "guys will kill the idea of themself in a pond before they will go to therapy" and that is true. no-one take anything pax does as any kind of recommendation ever. also unrelatedly I have made a bad illustration of how I think mantling works. why? I don't know. but I will send you off with it anyway so have fun with that. thank you for reading my 1am rambles I owe you a life debt

I Walked Into The River

The Tree of Shades, fed by a spring deep in the Shivering Isles' underground, will not surrender its secrets to one who has not earned them. The erstwhile Hero of Kvatch and Sheogorath's current grudging Champion has little left to prove and even less to lose.

I wrote this piece for the summerfest prompt "mirror" and am posting the full thing for the free day! it's my take on the doppelganger bit of that one quest in the shivering isles, which always struck me as having a lot of unrealised potential (especially in conjunction with running themes of duality the questline already has). I've had this idea for a long time now and this event finally got me to actually write it out, which was a lot of fun! if you're inclined to check it out, please do - it would give me much joy :)

[laciefuyu]

genocide apologia?

I assumed this question because one of my post. Genocide Apologia, yes. I don’t think I need to explain what is Genocide but Apologia itself means a formal defense of an opinion, position or action. That means, I often see people defending the Genocide of the Jedi.  

It’s not exactly a new issue in this fandom; the attitude of SW fandom regarding the Genocide of the Jedi that occurred when Order 66 carried out is sickening. In almost every corner of Star Wars fandom, people would go “The Jedi deserves it.”, “If the Jedi changes the attachment-”, “The children unfortunately have to die, it’s too late for them to be saved.”, “Jedi have to be destroyed, so the balance can be restored.” and so many more, but all of it is just pretty words to cover what Order 66 was, an act of genocide and destruction of people of the  group and its culture. The amount of excuse to explain why Order 66 is justified is all over the fandom, from fic to meta. It’s far too much and honestly, I am so tired of seeing it.

And the justification often due to misconception and misrepresentation of philosophy of the culture. Like Attachment, it often contains misrepresentation of what the philosophy actually means and disregards where the philosophy was drawn from. Then we have the whole Jedi is Cult, which again is wrong. It’s not even qualified as one with BITE models. 

What is really sickening about this is that it reminds me that fandom's tendency to treat Jedi and their culture as if their culture is wrong because most people refuse to see outside their world view. It reminds me of how colonizers try to justify their atrocities against cultures that they don’t understand. Fandom’s typical excuses to justify genocide of the Jedi are like the statements from colonizers about how the colonized deserve it, so it only makes it even worse. My country unfortunately has a long history of being colonized, and seeing that in fandom space where people's favourite motto is ‘fandom for fun’ I hold nothing but contempt since there is nothing fun about it. 

And sure, because I know this fandom, they would go ‘This is just fiction’ and I don’t have issues with people whose id prefers dark things and want to explore it in fiction. I know because I am also into messy things in fiction, and those things don't always align with people's moral views but I do think how people engage with it and interact with other people does matter.

Take it this way, there is a difference between ‘What if Jedi were evil’ and ‘Jedi don't allow attachments (which is a concept from a culture I don't understand), therefore Jedi are evil’. The former operated with assumption that the Jedi are good, therefore exploring the other possibility on what if but the latter is operated on assumptions made in bad faith of philosophy from culture they don’t understand and often used to says why the Genocide is justified. The parameters have already changed, people aren’t operating on “Genocide is bad and not justified”, people are operating on “Genocide is justified” and that’s when it feels icky. 

Did I realize the implication of the common fandom takes at first? No. But once I realized, I can’t unsee it and it is disturbing how common the take is.

[joontier]

Subliminal in Scrubs | V1;  report ix

pairings: dr. jeon jungkook x female reader

chapter rating: NC-17 | genre: doctors! au; humor, romance 

warnings: swearing

word count: 1.8k

g/n: ((unedited skfslkdf)) also,,, i will be releasing Parallel Palpitations very soon [which features this Jimin hehehehe stay tuned for that] PLUS, im very excited to release the report x AHHHHHH send me your thoughts pleaseee 

[taglist]:  @nottodayjjk @ditttiii @zeharilisharaban @btsbunny07​ @turquoiseandplaidinautumn @aamxxrii @codeinebelle​ @btsmakesmehappy​

Subliminal in Scrubs (the records) |  navi. | m.list

You open your new group chat first thing in the morning, wanting to check on Soomin and Jimin. Just yesterday, the two had informed you of their concerns separately, both worried over the same thing. Soomin’s mother wanted to hold a small congratulatory celebration for her daughter’s KMLE results, and her subsequent acceptance at Woocheon, so there was going to be a party exclusively for all tenants of the building at the restaurant just next to the cafe. 

The two hadn’t worked out their budding acquaintance, as you had practically forced them to greet each other the last time you were at the cafe, so you thought this might be a great way to have them start over their tricky relationship. 

As you’ve expected, both of them had even tried to convince you to come, in the hopes that a mutual friend could help diminish the awkward air around them. You’ve declined each of them politely, not wanting to intrude on their little get-together. Besides, (just like you hadn’t forgotten to mention to them), this was the perfect opportunity to get rid of this wall hindering their friendship (to which, both of them had also quite strongly disagreed upon). 

A mere three hours after their outpour of sentiments, as you’re rewatching episodes of Dr. Romantic with Chohee, the pair drunkenly call you, requesting a video chat. You’re pretty sure not one of them is aware of what’s happening, especially with Jimin refilling his shot glass every thirty seconds; Soomin speaking gibberish, and Chohee literally teasing them through the screen of your laptop and yet none of them seem to mind a damn thing about it. 

So, with hopes that each of them arrived home safely last night, you type in your text message. 

‘What is this place, really?’ you mutter to yourself, slightly regretting your decision to take the subway instead of a cab. You only ride taxis for places you’re not familiar with (such is the case with today) but you didn’t want to spend twice as much solely for transportation so you took the train to the building. 

Now you feel lost. You’ve just gone to the main entrance of the building, but there was scaffolding barring the entrance, and now you’re struggling to look for Entrance B with the singular tarpaulin saying “Please use Entrance B” and a faded arrow below pointing to the left. After a grueling ten minutes of asking people for directions and walking all over the place, you finally find Entrance B and hurry on your way inside. 

There’s already a small crowd forming where the directions for the processing of your license is posted, and you can’t seemingly read the directions all the way down with people clearly taller than you blocking the way. 

“What’s the matter? Can’t see the directions, smally?” 

Your instant recognition of his voice makes you hang your head low. You figure there’s no way you can get rid of this guy anytime soon. 

“Hello, Jungkook.” 

Why is it that he’s always there wherever you are? He couldn’t be stalking me, could he? 

Jungkook almost spits his water on the girl in front of him. Oh, so he heard your thoughts then. “Yeah, you wish, woman. I wouldn’t do that even if you had one million strapped to your neck.” You roll your eyes at him. 

“Wasn’t asking for any conditions for you to do that, but thanks for letting me know your thoughts.” 

“Awh, you mad, babe?” Shaking your head at him, you try to continue peering over everyone’s shoulder to check the post. “If it makes you feel any better, I would for two million though.” 

You were just about to retaliate with a smart comment, but you see a girl walking towards Jungkook while twirling her hair with her newly manicured fingers. “Jungkook-oppa, you’re here!” she says, hooking her arm on his elbow. 

Ah yes, it’s the same brat that kept defending Jungkook’s ass during the KMLE exam. “Why don’t you come with us? My mom works here,” her voice gets down to a whisper, but loud enough for you to hear. “If you come with us, you wouldn’t have to fall in line, then maybe we could have lunch together. 

Jungkook removes her hand from his, “No thank you, I’ll just wait here.” 

“With her?”

The audacity of this bitch. 

“Yes, with her.” Jungkook says, not skipping a beat. “She’s...better company.” Oof, that’s gotta hurt. 

You try not to show much of your currently soaring pride on your face, but you can’t help but clear your throat as a terrible disguise for a snort. The girl becomes silent after that, with most of her friends trying to control their facial expressions after Jungkook’s reply. 

“Fine then, your loss,” she says with a flip of her hair, then makes her exit. 

You're unsure what to do now as the girl has already left, and you’re also not sure if you’re entirely happy about being left with Jungkook now. “Why didn’t you go with her? Could’ve saved you a lot of time considering the people here.” 

Jungkook clenches his jaw, as if in thought. “I don’t like cheating. I believe that there’s a different value in the reward that comes with something you worked hard for.” 

You’re surprised. You really hadn’t expected this kind of quote, coming out of Jungkook out of all people, but you find yourself nodding as he speaks, quite impressed that you share the same principles. 

As the crowd starts to disperse, you and Jungkook finally get your turns to take a look at the poster. “Is it often?” 

“What is?” 

You point a thumb backwards towards where the girl had gone to, “Having girls throw themselves at you all the time?” 

“Oh that,” Jungkook chuckles, then gives you a lopsided smirk, “Yeah, that. Hadn’t realized being this hot was so tiring.” Squinting your eyes at him, it then again dawns on you that you shouldn’t even have asked him that sort of question at all. 

“You know,” he says, nudging your shoulder with his, “I’m quite jealous of you really,” your brows crease together. This can’t be good. “At least you don’t experience all of that, cause you know…” he says, gesticulating his hands over his face. 

He did not just insinuate that you were not...attractive at all. Huh. This bastard can wait for his license alone then. 

“Goodbye, Jungkook.” 

“Hang on! ________, wait! I was just messing with you,” Jungkook laughs, running after you.

The cashier is already scanning the last items on your grocery list by the time Jimin and Soomin had texted you that they were done with their licenses, and you three had agreed on meeting up by the mall’s concierge. It doesn’t take long before you all decide on having Italian for dinner, after seeing the restaurant nearest to where the concierge was. 

“Wait, it took you guys only half an hour?” you exclaim, recalling how you had to endure at least more than an hour with Jungkook as you waited for your licenses to finish. Thankfully though, the latter had other errands to run so you two parted ways as soon as you got your IDs. 

Jimin, always the gentleman, offers to get your group the utensils as well as a few condiments and spices you might need with your meals. “Soomin-ssi, do you know anybody else who’s going to Woocheon too?” he says, setting the silverware atop the napkins. 

Soomin thanks Jimin for the thoughtful gesture, sending a small smile his way. You squeal inwardly, wanting to know what happened last night for them to interact like this. “Um, also, I’m not so sure about the others who will be attending Woocheon too...I only got a glimpse of the list, sorry.” 

“Ah, no worries about that. So, how was the dinner party last night?” 

The two glance at each other, seemingly communicating with their eyes. Oookay, what’s going on between these two? What exactly happened last night? If they wanted to be alone, they could’ve just said so… 

“It was fun,” Jimin initiates, plastering  what seems to be a painfully wide grin on his face. Soomin nods along with him as she adds more, “Honestly, I don’t remember much about last night, but I do recall Jimin calling me ‘sajangnim’ the whole night. And I told him to not call me that, but Jimin here is a stubborn man.” 

“Yeah, you complained about that too last night,” you laugh, cutting your garlic bread into pieces. “Wait, what?” Jimin squints his eyes at you, “Were you there last night? How did you....” 

“I’m guessing you both don’t remember calling me last night too, didn’t you?” 

“We did?!” they say in unison, making your eyes go wide. “Did I do something stupid?” “Please tell me I didn’t say something I shouldn’t have?” 

“Hmm, well, it was quite the conversation last night,” you tease them, wanting to see how far this can go, “plus Chohee was there too so I have another key witness.” 

“What?” Jimin squeaks, lips pressing into a thin line, “what’s the key witness for?” 

“That, my friend, is up to you to remember and figure out.” You give each of them a wink, before turning your attention back to your pasta.  

Transferring all your groceries to one hand, you fish your keys from your purse, shaking it lightly to hear its jingle as you blindly course your fingers through your bag. As the elevator doors open, you see your neighbor down the end of the hall, trailing after a man. 

Ayoung hears the elevator bell ding and turns to your direction. She excitedly points her thumb to her back, mouthing ‘new tenant’ to you. She keys in her code and lets the guy in first. The moment he’s inside, she leans by the doorframe and whispers how hot the guy actually was and how much of a lucky neighbor you were going to be. 

You shake your head at her, leaving Ayoung to entertain her guest. Of course, not forgetting to pray that she manages to score you a hot man next door.

© joontier 2021

[heyheyloki]

You That I Want

Sugawara x M!Reader

Word Count: 10,000+

1. The Meeting

There was something about the school library that always grabbed your attention. It was quiet, peaceful. Those were factors, sure, but another plus was that people didn’t judge if one was alone or not in a place like that. It gave you comfort.

Being a first-year at Karasuno wasn’t something that got to you. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends or didn’t do good in school. In fact, you had quite a few friends, even some admirers, and you were a straight-A student. Nailing almost all your tests and quizzes that come around in any class. It was just that, at some points in your life, you needed to be alone. To not be bothered after getting hassled all day was something that gave you peace of mind to not explode on the spot, especially when it came to love-confessions.

There were very few people in the rather large area, but that just made it better for you. Most people after school tended to have clubs, hang with friends, or just go straight home. You tended to either sit in the middle of the place, if there were no more open seats, but if it was raining, like on a day like this, you’d tend to prefer the window seats. It was easy to calm down when you heard the patter of rain hitting the glass, and you quite enjoyed watching the droplets move down the window. It was captivating. 

You let out a sigh as you released yourself from the spell that bound you to the glass. Standing up from your seat, you moved around the library, wondering what you should take up for the time being. You didn’t want something too long, but nothing too short either. Something entertaining, yet informative as well. 

Before you knew it, you were searching around the sports section. You had some experience with sports, after all, you played football for a bit in middle school. It wasn’t something you enjoyed, hence why you don’t play anymore, but you were fond of sports itself. Your eyes lingered around at the spines of the books, your head leaning to the side a bit to read the text that was typed out on the hard cover. 

It wasn’t until you saw a book a few feet up on the higher shelf that caught your attention. It was something about a famous baseball player, the book seemed small enough to read before you headed home, and you enjoyed the sport. So, you reached your hand up, brushing the bottom of it with the tips of your fingers. You bit your inner cheek, it was obvious how close you were, but just lacking at least an inch or two on your height to get it without issue. 

Just as you were about to give up and search for some kind of stepping stool, an unfamiliar hand suddenly appeared in sight and grabbed the book you were aiming for without an issue. You paused for a moment, trying to understand what just happened. Though, your eyes were decided to the hand that appeared out of nowhere and followed it until it came back to its owners side. 

You stared with beady, unblinking eyes at the guy in front of you. First off, he was taller than you by that missing inch or two. He had a slender build, slightly thick eyebrows that matched that light-grey hair that sat on his head. He held kind, hazel orbs and wore a gentle smile while he gazed at you. 

“You looked like you were having some trouble,” he said in a sweet, honey soaked voice that snapped you back into reality. “Here.”

“Oh, thanks.” You hummed out as you took the book from the unknown boy. He did seem older than you, just by his demeanor, but then again, you didn’t want to make some kind of rude assumption. 

“Hm?” The unknown male hummed, his head leaning a bit on a tilt as he analyzed you. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. Are you a first-year?”

“I am,” you said with a soft smile as you told the upperclassmen your name, bowing a bit out of respect.

He smiled and nodded. “My name’s Koshi Sugawara. I’m a third-year, so, if you need anything just let me know.” 

“Sure, thank you again.” You said once more before watching the young man give you a gentle smile and wave you off as he left. You couldn’t help but feel like you heard his name before, but you thought it was just a mistake. 

2. Gossip

It wasn’t everyday that you say’d in the classroom after school, but you thought a nap before heading home would be more appropriate here than anywhere else in the school. It was always loud in the gyms, and you felt rude taking a nap in the library. Though, with the classroom, most kids have left and the others that hang around try to get homework done quietly. Today, was a bit different however.

“Kageyama!” A voice yelled out. It was loud, higher pitched than most, but you knew who it was. 

You turned your head, strands of your hand invading your handsome features and along your arms that crossed over on your desk for a make-shift pillow. Your gaze locked on the two boys by the window. They were both first-years like you, obviously, but even with that fact and that you several classes with them, you didn’t know much about them besides their names. 

Shoyo Hinata, a short loud mouth who seemed to made up for his lack in height with his big mouth and Tobio Kageyama, he was quiet and reserved. He struck you as someone who was rather arrogant though. You didn’t mind them necessarily, but they didn’t seem like people you would surround yourself with. 

“What?” Kageyama asked the short, orange haired male. 

“Sugawara wants us to practice with Tanaka, you, and I tomorrow morning, isn’t that so cool of him?” Hinata said with a cherry smile.

While normally you wouldn’t bother with listening to the two, the name pulled your attention ever closer to them. It seemed like they were all on a sports team together, or at least a club. You weren’t so sure what they did, not like it mattered, but you guessed it had something that took quite some energy. After all, you knew Hinata as this guy with so much energy that he literally shakes in his seat. It was distracting, but after a bit you found it entertaining.

You wanted to listen in more, maybe even figure out what they all played. Though, before you could hear any more words that came out passed their lips your body flinched. The sudden touch of hands on your shoulders caused something of a quiet gasp to leave your throat. 

You eyed down the familiar face behind you that just held a proud smile like he actually did something funny. 

“Oh man, you should have seen your face!” You friend yelled out as he held onto his stomach, laughing. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?” You questioned as you stood up from your desk, eyes naturally drawing to you as you spoke. You knew where this was going, and honestly, you just wanted to go home.

“Relax, pretty boy,” your friend whined as he threw his arm over your shoulders. “Come watch the girl’s volleyball practice game with me!”

“Do I have too?” You asked with a deadpanned tone. You didn’t not like to watch your school’s team practice. It was just you didn’t have in interest in the girl’s volleyball team.

“Yes, you do!” He huffed out before dragging you out of the classroom. Though, before you left, you eyed down Hinata and Kageyama. Both of them looking at you with something foreign in their eyes. Something that both made you pissed off, and yet ashamed at the same time.

3. You Again

It was days like these, the rainy ones, that always caught your attention. Either that, or made you sleepy. Today, it was the latter.

You watched out the classroom window with droopy eye as your head was held up by the palm of your hand, elbow planted on your desk. Normally, your mind would be racing with what you should do after school, but on these days, your mind would be totally empty. In a way, it was peaceful. Though, on the opposite side of it, it also made you space. So much so that now, you sat in your desk, eyes still staring out the window with this distant look in your eyes while everyone else has either gone home or went to do their after school club activities. 

You came out of it a few minutes later though, so it wasn’t a big deal. But, you definitely would have been in that state for way longer if you didn’t hear someone call out a name. It wasn’t yours per say, but you didn’t exactly know who was talking. Well, you did, but you couldn’t ID the voice until you saw his face. 

That third-year from the other day. You remembered his name as Sugawara.

The way your eyes wouldn’t let go of him as he looked around your classroom like a parent looking for their child was something unexpected of you. It wasn’t everyday that someone could hold your attention for so long. 

After a second or two of not seeing who he was looking for, he noticed you. In that moment, his eyes widened with familiarity. “Oh, it’s you!”

You leaned your head a bit as he started to approach you, a rain coat over his normal school cloths that made a small smile flicker onto your lips.

“Yeah, it’s me.” You stated with a mischievous glance as you stared at the third-year. Getting a better and longer look at him now, he really did have a pretty face. Hell, he might even rival you for pretty boy award. Though, for you, it was that mole under his right eye that did it for you. 

“So you’re in class with Kageyama and Hinata?” He suddenly asked. It was odd to you how he knew those names, but then the other day completely hit you like a bullet. They were in the same after school club, of course he knew them.

“Yeah,” you simply put, remembering how he called out their names when he first walked in before you asked, “you looking for them or something?”

“Oh, yeah, I was gonna let them know that practice was canceled after school since they’re doing inspections on the gym.” Sugawara said with that same gentle smile he had on the first time you two met. “But I guess they’ll find out when they get there.”

You nodded before checking the time. It was one of those days. You seriously should quit, especially since you were a first-year, but it paid well and you liked your boss. Plus, it wasn’t like you had anything else to do. As you stood up and began to pack up your things you said, “I’m sure they’ll be bummed, but maybe they can practice at home if they can.”

“You heading home?” Sugawara asked curiously as he watched your hands carefully as you placed notebooks and pens back into your bag. 

“No, I have work.” You confessed as you slung your school bag over your shoulder. 

“Really? You are a first year, right?” Sugawara asked, it was obvious how much he didn’t believe you for a second. 

“I am, but it’s not like I’m in a club or anything.” You explained. “Instead, I work. It’s about ten minutes or so from the school by foot. It’s that little convenience store.”

You watched as Sugawara’s disbelief twisted into surprise, his chestnut orbs shining with knowledge before asking with confidence, “Sakanoshita?”

You nodded. “That’s the one.”

“I’m actually heading there right now, why don’t we walk together?” He asked with a bright smile that paled in comparison with the moonlight from a full moon. It really did take you a minute to compose yourself before responding with a calm and collected, “Sure, sounds nice.”

4. New Beginnings

For some, people can be lonely without being alone. You just happened to be part of that ‘some’ category. You were never left alone at school unless you were on your morning walks or hide away in the library after school. Today was no different.

You tried your best, really, you did. You wanted to get before they got here. You needed to get out of that damn classroom everyone knew you were in before they got there. You even packed up your stuff a minute before the bell, but sadly, that still wasn’t enough. As you took your first step away from your desk, a higher pitcher voice called your name with nothing but pure excitement and infatuation. 

You froze for a moment, pondering if you could just run and go home. Then again, if you did, it would be more of a pain in the ass than if you just got it over with now. So, you turned to see a group of three girls. The one in the front, waving at you, you knew since middle school. You didn’t have an issue with her but more so the two in the back who looked shyly away from your gaze with blush rising on their pale features. 

The middle girl ran up to you, her pitch black hair swaying behind her with a happy smile present on her features. “Hey! The girls and I wanna know if you wanna go watch the boy’s volleyball practice? I heard they started to really rise back up in terms of rank since, like, forever!”

“Oh,” you muttered out in surprise. It wasn’t often something shocked you anymore when it came to school. But you did remember when the Karasuno was considered a powerhouse school, hell, they even went to Nationals one year. Still, you had to say, watching the boy’s volleyball practice was not what you were expecting. “Sure, I don’t mind, should be fun.”

“Great!” Your friend shouted in glee before walking side by side with you, chatting up about what kinda team you were going to see. 

Though, for once, you didn’t notice a two pair of eyes that watched and listened to everything about the conversation you held mere moments ago. They both gazed at each other with unblinking eyes, complete shock filling up in their veins before both sprinted out of the classroom towards the gym. 

Both of them ran into people as they sprinted down the hall, sometimes forgetting why they were even doing this as they got into a race with each other. The ‘who can warn the team first’ kinda thing. They get yelled at here and there by both teachers and students, but that wasn’t going to stop them. For once, they were going to have spectators at once of their practices. It was a huge deal. 

When they reached the metal double doors of the gym, both grabbed one side and slid them open hastily. The rough and loud sound of the doors being pounded into the walls enough to make the guys who were already practicing completely stop and those who watched, like their couches and team manager, gaze over at the two first years. 

Kageyama and Hinata both took in a huge whiff of air before shouting out, “Some people are coming to watch us play!”

Dead silent. It was like each of their minds were lagging as they tried to process the information. Though, that didn’t last very long before they all screamed out, “What?”

“Whoa, Hinata, Kageyama, what the hell are you guys even talking about?” A second year with a shaved head who everyone refers to as Tanaka asked as he approached the two. 

“We heard a group talk about coming here to watch us practice today.” Kageyama explained as everyone else gathered around. 

“Awesome! What kinda group?” Nishinoya, a second year as well as the teams libero asked with a ditzy smile. Praying that some girls were coming to watch. 

“Three girls and a guy.” Hinata stated, watching as Tanaka and Noya started to freak out together about girls watching them.

“A guy, too?” Daichi, their team captain questioned. 

“Mhm,” Kageyama hummed. “He’s really popular among the first years. I don’t really remember his name though.”

“I see,” Daichi muttered before saying proudly, “Well, don’t let their presence distract you! Just practice like always!”

“Right!” They all screamed in unison. 

Only about five minutes later they all heard the door open. Some wanted to check out the chicks and figure out who this mystery dude was, but most were doing passes to each other. They had to focus on the ball. Still, that didn’t mean they couldn’t hear their voices. 

“I’ve missed this, yanno, watching practice games.” Your friend said to the group before turning directly to you. “You should really join football, I’d love to go to your games again.”

“Nah, too much work. Plus, I’m pretty sure the deadlines were last week.” You said with a deep breath, your eyes grazing the large gymnasium and focusing on the players. You didn’t know a lot of them, but you did notice two students from your class. 

“Oh, it’s those two.” You uttered out as you took a seat up in the stands. A girl on either side of you. 

“Who?” Himari, your friend, asked.

“Kageyama and Hinata. They have a couple of classes with me.” You said plainly, your eyes dancing before landing on familiar grey hair that made something break along your skin. It was odd, the heat that surrounded you. But you just concluded that it was nerves since he was a third-year. “Huh, Sugawara is here too.”

“Oh, him? He’s been on the team since coming to this school. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.” A friend of Himaris’ stated.

For some reason, you couldn’t put your finger on it. You didn’t know why, but you couldn’t help but focus all your attention on Sugawara. You didn’t know the guy that well, but you felt like he was a kind persona, at least from the few encounters you had with him. Honestly, you didn’t push away the idea that if you two were at least in one class together, you could be friends. Sadly, you were a first-year and you don’t play volleyball. Sure, there was lunch, but you felt it would be a bit rude to come in-between him and his free-time. Plus, he probably likes to hang out with the friends he already has during lunch.

You would have liked to stay in your head a bit more, but sadly, that wasn’t going to happen. At least, not with Himari at your side. 

The sudden touch wasn’t new, especially with her. You felt an elbow dip into your waist. It wasn’t painful, but just attentive. You let out a hum from your chest as you gazed up at some dark hues that gave you an ‘all-knowing’ and cocky look. 

You gave her a deadpanned expression before grunting out, “What?”

“You’re staring.” She grinned. “One of the boys catch your eye?”

You could hear some saddened gasps from your other side, the girls Himari invited praying that they heard incorrectly. 

“Yeah, right.” You dismissed, waving your hand before going back to doing exactly what she suspected. 

It wasn’t until you turned back that you felt a cold chill run up your spine. It wasn’t pleasurable in the slightest, but instead it ran your blood completely cold. In that moment, both pairs of eyes locked onto one another, neither daring to stare away from the other. It was like one of those moments that made you feel like the other people alive. But at the same time, you felt your fingers twitch against your thighs your hands rested upon when Sugawara sent you a wide smile. A smile that was easily as bright as the blue sky.

You stood still until sending a softer one back and waving at the third-year down on the court. 

“Oh!” Himari uttered out as she stared between you and Sugawara, wondering what just happened before her eyes. 

Though, she wasn’t the only one. In reality, the team manager was wondering who you were until something devilish came to her. After all, she was in a need of another helper when it came to dealing with these guys and it seemed like you already had Sugawara’s attention. So, what could go wrong?

After the practice match the boys started to pack everything up and put the cart full of volleyballs back in the practice room where the boys also changed into their normal clothes. During this time, their team manger, Kiyoko, took her chance to grab you before you left and without watchful eyes. 

“Excuse me!” She called out just as you were about to step out of the gym. When you turned to her, she noticed you were a bit on the taller side, close to a lot of the guys on the team. 

“Yes?” You questioned, your school bag slung over your broad shoulder.

She wasn’t intimidated per-say, but rather desperate to find another team manager, especially before she graduates since she herself was a third-year. She didn’t want to leave her position not filled and leave the guys with her responsibilities after she leaves. And so, with a deep breath she asked straight-up, “Please, join the Karasuno Volleyball team as the new team manager.”

You blinked aimlessly at the girl, your hand gripping a bit harder on the bag over your shoulder. “Why? I mean, I don’t even play volleyball, let alone know anything about the game.”

“That’s okay.” She reassured. “I didn’t know much about it either when I first started out. You don’t really need to know everything about it to be the team manager. If you want, we can do a trail membership.”

“I’m not sure,” you said under your breath, any more words that you were originally going to say coming cut from the root as soon as Himari punched your upper arm.

It didn’t hurt, but it did grab your attention. When you looked down at her she said with a bright smile, “I think you should do it. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to make some friends.”

You stared at her. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends. Though, you did see her point. It would be nice to have some actual friends instead of being surrounded by people like the ones she invited today. After all, in reality, you really only had two close friends. Her, and another middle school friend who went to a different high school. 

You sighed, the breath relaxing even the most anxious parts of you. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

It was easy how fast the girl’s face went from hopeful to excitement. That wide smile that appeared in mere seconds was enough to prove it. Even more so when she suddenly grabbed your free hand with both of hers in a handshake.

“Thank you so much! I’ll come by your classroom tomorrow to grab you before practice starts!” She explained before leaving you in somewhat of a daze. Honestly, you were kinda wondering what you even signed up for in the first place.

5. Exhaustion

“Hello?” A voice asked. It was soft, and gentle with words. 

A small hum came from your chest as you squirmed in your desk for a moment before you lifted your head up from your arms that crossed over the other. You felt your eyes start to defocus before getting a clear picture of the figure in front of you. 

It was that girl from yesterday.

“Oh, hey,” you muttered in a groggy voice as you rubbed the corners of your eyes. “Is it that time already?”

She stared at you for a moment with a soft smile forming on her lips before nodding her head. 

You returned her action as you grabbed your things before grabbing your things. As she led you to the gym you were at yesterday, she introduced herself as did you. You learned her name as Kiyoko, already in the know about were she stood in terms of year level. The walk wasn’t that long before you reached the gym, everyone completely turning their attention to you both when you walked in. 

“So you found a new person!” Hinata screamed, his voice echoing around the large area.

You stood next to Kiyoko unfazed by Hinata at this point in the school year. It was easy to say that class with him basically nullified his loud antics anywhere else. Even in a space that echos. 

“What’s up?” Some of the guys asked as you watched a group of three jog up to the two of you, the sound of footsteps making it obvious. Though, when you turned your head, you noticed Sugawara, a soft grin making way on your features without your knowing. 

“He’s going to be joining the club on a trail basis as the new manager.” Kiyoko stated, gazing over at you as you noticed most of the guys were starting to gather around. 

You nodded. “I’m [Name], it’s nice to meet you all.”

For some reason unknown to you, whether it be god or fate, you felt your eyes immediately go to Sugawara and couldn’t help but wonder what his reaction may be. In truth, it worried you a bit if you were overstepping, but it wasn’t like this was planned. In fact, you were going to turn it dow after today, but being here now. Seeing that smile and hearing him say that it was awesome that you were joining on as team manager, it made you rethink your original choice. Now, you didn’t want to leave. Not at all.

You struck up a few more conversations with other members to learn their names and such, but after that was over, they went back to practice. You stood on the sidelines and watched over them with Kiyoko at your side as she explained the basics of what she does as manager. She even informed you of a trip that the team will be taking after the exams. It was a training camp sorta trip, so you knew that it was going to require you to leave home for a week or so. But, you weren’t complaining. Though, for the life of you, you couldn’t pick out the couch.

“Uh, sorry, but, who coaches the team?” You asked, watching as Kiyoko was about to explain before she looked behind you. Her eyes following something new. 

“He’s behind you.” She stated.

You tilted your head curiously before turning on your heel to eye down this coach of theirs. You had all these expectations in your head. You thought he was probably some old guy with loads of couching experience on his shoulders. Maybe even someone who has been around for a while and has the complete trust of the third-year students. What you didn’t expect was to know the guy, much less have him be your damn boss. 

“Shit,” you grumbled under your breath. “The hell are you doing here?”

“Huh?” Ukai hummed as he turned to you, a cocky smile moving on his lips that made an uncomfortable shiver run down your back. “Well, well, look who it is. What? Miss me so much that you actually joined the team I couch?”

“In your dream, old man.” You growled, trying to seem pissed as you desperately hid a smile. In truth, the dude was like this older brother you never got to have being an only child and all. “Kiyoko invited me on as team manager.”

“Really? And you’re doing it?” He asked in pure disbelief. 

You felt your blood boil in a way no one could ever pull off. Seriously, sometimes this guy does piss you off. “What’s that? Don’t forget who’s been takin’ care of the store while your ass sits around and watches a bunch of sweaty guys hit goddamn balls.”

“Ouch, you kiss your mama with that mouth?” Ukai asked with a snarky grin.

“I’m going to completely destroy you, old man.” You snarled, your foot stepping down hard on the ground as you rolled up your sleeves. You quickly jumped the guy, his hands quickly holding your closed fists as you two struggled to overpower the other. “C’mon! You wanna talk like that then I’m gonna beat your ass!”

While that was happening, the boy’s volleyball team didn’t hesitate to stop and watch the battle going on between their couch and new team manager. At first it actually looked like you two were fighting, but if one was listening in from the beginning or just looked at Kiyoko laughing at the sight, everyone knew it was friendly. 

“Didn’t know those two knew each other.” Tanaka said aloud as he stood around Noya and Sugawara. 

“He works at Sakanoshita, I guess he fills in when couch is here with us after school.” Sugawara informed his teammate. Those closest to the group, Hinata and Kageyama, now joining in. 

“Oh, yeah, I think you’re right!” Hinata stated. “I’m pretty sure I saw him working the register the other day.”

“Seriously? Now I kinda feel bad, I mean, with coach being here we’re kinda overworking the guy.” Noya expressed, everyone having that factor strike them like lightning. 

“Maybe that’s why every time I see him he’s sleeping.” Kageyama said. 

“Well, maybe now he’ll get to relax a bit since Kiyoko took him on on as the manager.” Sugawara expressed his hopes aloud. He couldn’t help but think back to the other day when he saw you barely even awake when he went to grab his teammates. First, he just thought you were exhausted that day. But now with Kageyama’s statement, for some reason, he felt a bit guilty. 

After practice, you hung around for a bit until everyone was at least going home. You would feel wrong to head home if everyone else was still here. So, you hung out with Ukai inside the gym for a bit before going outside to check on the guys. 

“You going to seriously do it?” Ukai asked, his voice with any teasing antics. He was serious as he could ever be. 

“Maybe, honestly, it feels way too perfect. But then again, fate always did love me. I mean, I got a job at your stinky ass place.” You said with a snarky grin as you watch anger fill in Ukai’s face. 

“Brat, and to think I gave you a raise.” He uttered out as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

You let out a quick chuckle, your gaze moving down at your feet before you said calmly, “But, seriously, I do like it here.”

It was quiet for a moment before you felt a fit hit your upper arm. It wasn’t as weak as Himari’s punches, but not that hard either. In a way, it was enduring. 

“Then join, you damned brat.” Ukai pushed, his voice confident to its very core. 

In that moment all you could do was nod at the guy before waving him off and head outside. It was way after normal school hours, in fact, the sun wasn’t even anywhere near in sight. Complete darkness. The only light allowing you to see was coming from within the gym and the moonlight that skinned your skin gently. 

Looking up, you noticed how much brighter the stars looked on this night. They were so bright that you could even make out a few tricky constellations without any issue. It was truly a blessing to see a night like this, and honestly, you thought for a split second that it could be a sign. After all, not a lot of opportunities like these come up. Who knows, maybe you could even get lucky and while traveling to Tokyo, or even at this very school, be able to meet someone who liked you and you were able to like them back.

In truth, it wasn’t a good feeling turning down girls. You hated it. Every time you got a love letter in your locker or someone asks you to meet them somewhere after class, you get sick to your stomach. It was almost like you were gonna pass out. The worst of it is if they cry though, that really twists your stomach. Most people here in this school, at least among the first years, call you a heartbreaker. But, it’s not that. It’s just, you can’t date someone who you know you’re never gonna like back. After all, they’re all girls.

You sighed, your head moving back down as you tried to control your upset stomach at just thing about that kinda stuff. Just as you were about to step forward and go check on the guys, a voice caught your attention.

“Hey, new guy!” It yelled. 

“Huh?” You uttered as you turned your head to the guys you knew as Tanaka and Noya. Both changed out of the clothes they had before. 

“You better join Karasuno’s Volleyball club.” Noya stated without a hinge in his cocky and weridly happy expression.

“When you’re around Kiyoko talks a lot, but don’t think you can make a pass on her! Got it?” Tanaka suddenly added on.

While you were distracted on them two, you didn’t even notice two more guys appear until their captain, Daichi, hit them both on the head and yelled out, “That’s not how you recruit him, you idiots!”

“I’m so sorry, they can’t help how stupid they are.” Sugawara suddenly stated, his head bowing a bit as en extra apology. 

“It’s fine,” you stated clearly. “And honestly, I kinda already knew I was going to be joining when I first walked in today.” 

In truth, it was because of what Sugawara said when he found out. But you seriously did not need to embarrass yourself or potentially weird these guys out when you just started to get to know them. 

“Really? I look forward to having you around.” Sugawara said clearly while the others just cheered in their own little world.

You couldn’t help but smile. Sure, you haven’t known the guy long, but he’s way too sweet for his own good, as well as your own. Still, as sweet as he is, you did not expect him to suddenly ask, “Are you heading home now? I could walk you, if you’d like.”

It was then that the cheering stopped and everyone, including the others who came back from changing themselves, went completely silent and watched both Sugawara and yourself. It was odd how much your body suddenly went hot even though the air was cool. It was odd at how much your body stiffened. Then again, no one has asked to walk you home in a really, really, long time. It was endearing, sweet, and completely shot straight through your heart, planting a seed that soon was going to grow into something beautiful over time.

“Sure, I’d like that.”

6. Good Feeling

For the next three weeks you have been staying after school everyday to manage the volleyball team at your school. In that time you’ve learned plenty of skills from Kiyoko on what she does for the team, and even made some friends. You knew you were friends with all of the team but you got close to Tsukishima, Kageyama, Asahi, and Tanaka. Though, the one who you got especially close to was Sugawara. You would help him practice anytime you could and after practice it became a habit to walk with each other home. 

You got to know him through those private walks the most. You learned his fears when Kageyama joined, since both of play the setter position and how he didn’t want to regret anything after he graduates. You understood him completely. You may not be a third-year, but if you were one, you definitely  would share Sugawara’s goals. After all, your last year in high school is special.

Today was the day before the trip to Tokyo, a trip that all the players were looking forward to. It was only a practice match, sure, but there was going to be a few teams from all over Japan joining in on this great opportunity. Including Nekoma High. 

As volleyballs few about the gym, everyone couldn’t help but notice a missing person. Not from the team itself, but one that usually sits on the sidelines, someone who watches over them and keeps their heads in the game. 

“Hey, he’s not here today.” Hinata said to Kageyama, their vice captain, Sugawara, couldn’t help but to overhear.

“Yeah, he left class in a rush after the bell.” Kageyama explained to the short stack of the team.

“Oh, I hope he’s alright!” 

“I’m sure he’s fine. C’mon, let’s do a few more sets.”

Suga could feel his lips twitch downwards for a split second, his eyes dulling as when he overheard. He really did hope you were alright and nothing was wrong whether is was home issues or personal stuff. He just hoped you knew that you could talk to him if you needed. 

From the sidelines, Ukai studied Suga carefully. He’d never seen the third-year so much in his head, honestly, it was both worrying and interesting to watch. Though, if he had to be honest, Ukai was just glad someone truly cared for you the way Suga does. It was obvious to him, maybe not to Suga yet, but he knew over time that it would. And hopefully, you felt the same way. 

“Sugawara.” Ukai called out. 

The grey haired teen whipped his head from the ground before jogging up to his couch. “Yes?”

“Try not to worry too much about [Name].” Ukai smiled, watching as the most subtle amount of blush edged on the tips of Suga’s cheeks. “I asked him to work at the shop today. After practice, why not pay him a visit? I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

Sugawara blinked aimlessly, focusing way too hard on how his heart skipped a single beat. It was a weird feeling, but at the same time, he enjoyed it way too much in the moment.

Before he knew it he let a wide smile sneak up on him, happiness radiating out of every inch of his body before saying, “Sure!”

After practice, Sugawara was the first to rush outta there. It was odd to the guys until Kiyoko explained why he was in such a rush. Luckily for Suga, he didn’t hear all the friendly teasing the guys did while they all changed and cleaned up. 

The third-year student ran downhill, a gentle smile on his lips as the cool, nighttime breeze hit his skin. It was exhilarating, to say the least. It was weird to Suga, he means, he has been seeing you every day after school and sometimes even in the mornings before. He’s spent as much time as he could with you and yet, now, it was like he was seeing you for the first time in weeks. It felt like that, and hell, it felt good.

When he came to the doors, he stopped. Taking a deep breath and fixing his hair involuntarily, he gripped the bag in his hand before walking in. You didn’t notice him at first, probably thinking he was just another run of the mill customer that would just grab their things and call on you when needed. Though, that wasn’t the case this time and for once without you noticing his stares, he took in as much as he could get. It was like this desire that started to grow the more he stared, trying his best to capture this moment forever in his mind. 

You were sitting behind the desk with his look on your face as you dug your head into a book. You were trying to concentrate, Suga knew that, but the sleepiness that started to invade your body was bringing you to your breaking point. Your hair was a straight up mess, kinda like you just took a nap and didn’t bother to fix the obvious bedhead. Though, Suga couldn’t help but smile a bit at that. For some reason, you looked way cuter now than ever before. The realization making something close to fireworks explode within his heart. In truth, that good feeling he had whenever you were around was nothing more than emotions directed towards someone who he liked romantically. 

“Hm?” A hum questioned, the voice breaking Suga from his inner thoughts. He watched when he gazed up at him, your plain features turning into pure happiness at the mere sight of him. 

“Oh, Sugawara! Well, isn’t this a surprise.” You teased, your elbow coming up on the counter as you rested your head in the palm of your hand. A grin present on your face that didn’t look like it was going away anytime soon. 

“Hey, I didn’t see you at practice today.” Suga said as he walked up to the counter. “Couch told me that I could find you here though.”

“Oh, okay, well my shift is almost done so why don’t you keep me entertained for the time being.” You cooed out as your grin started to transform into a sly smirk.

Suga smiled, a chuckle leaving his chest. “I think I will.”

You nodded in glee until you noticed an unfamiliar bag he was holding. Inside looked to be a piece of clothing. You pointed down to it and asked, “Whatcha got there?”

“Huh?” Suga questioned before gazing down himself. His body flinching when realization hit him like a truck and place the bag on the counter before saying, “Kiyoko wanted me to deliver this to you.”

“To me?” You questioned before curiosity got the best of you. In a swift movement you grabbed the item from within the bag, your orbs blinking aimlessly as you held the track jacket up in the air. It was all black with the exception of white text on the back that read, ‘Karasuno Volleyball Team’.

“Oh, wow,” you muttered under your breath as you admired the simple yet meaningful item.

“Try it on,” Suga encouraged.

You were quick to comply with his request. It was an easy, simple fit that hugged your body well. It wasn’t too big nor was it squeezing your body. It was just perfect, and you weren’t the only one who thought that.

Sugawara’s lips parted, admiring you with that cheesy grin that took his heart for a roller coaster ride. In that moment he couldn’t stop his thoughts from escaping his lips, and before he knew it he said, “You look really good in it.”

When that last letter left past his soft lips, he froze. His heart racing at a million miles an hour, wondering if it came out in a creepy way, hoping you didn’t pick up on the affection that laced his voice. But more than anything, he hoped, prayed even, that you weren’t going to flat out reject him right here and now. Seriously, that was his worst nightmare

“Oh,” you uttered out. Your tone nothing but pure shock. You remained still for a moment before grabbing the end of your new jacket, your head moving done with a bashful expression that made Suga believe he was seeing things. “Thank you.”

Suga stood still, blinking aimlessly as he tried to process the picture in front of him. In truth, he thought he was only seeing what he wanted to see. Only hearing what he wanted to hear. But when he figured out that this was reality, that that was your actual reaction to his words, he was more than over the moon and the good feeling within him whenever he saw you became stronger than ever within that moment. 

7. Moment of Truth

It was the day of the volleyball trip to Saitama were a bunch of teams were going to go head to head in some practice matches to improve themselves further. Sadly for you, you had no idea that everyone was leaving in the middle of the night. Seriously, it sucked.

“This blows,” he yawned out, your body weak as you stood next to Suga.

“Did you get any sleep?” He asked in a worried tone, his gaze trying to understand why you keep doing this to yourself. 

“Not really. Maybe, an hour or two?” You questioned, your body starting to give out on you. Without hesitation you leaned next to Suga, your body pressing against his. You felt his body stiffen at your sudden touch, especially when you nuzzled your head into his shoulder. 

“Sorry, just give me a minute.” You muttered out in a sleepy tone that caused the grey haired male to hear his heart beat in his own ears. 

“O-Oh, it’s, um, it’s fine.” He stumbled to say, his free hand coming up to cup the back of his neck. 

He thought that he would be able to get away with this stunt, even with all his friends around, but he was sorely mistaken. It wasn’t like he was trying to hide it per say, but rather not bring his own embarrassment to the next level. A level that might catch your attention.

“Aw, look at you two love-birds.” Tsukishima snickered. “You could have least waited to get on the bus.”

Suga’s blood ran cold, his skin sizzling as if just dipped in boiling water. His chest grew heavy as if someone suddenly placed all of their weight on him without restraint. It wasn’t as if they knew his feelings, but it felt as if he had just exposed himself to not only them, but to the world. 

“Stop it, Tsukishima.” Tanaka said, and for a minute, Suga thought he was safe until the buzzcut fool blurted out, “Don’t be jealous that Suga got him and not you.”

“Yeah, right.” Tsukishima groaned in pure annoyance before getting on the bus. A few people falling in after him.

“Uh,” Suga uttered out as he stood still, wondering what he should do about the one on him that out small snores. Though, his problem was solved when Kageyama suddenly came around and shook your free shoulder lightly.

“[Name], c’mon, we’re getting on the bus.” The first-year setter stated as he noticed you stir into Suga before your eyes began to flutter open. 

“Hm? Oh, sorry.” You mumbled before letting out a loud yawn before following Kageyama side by side into the bus, leaving Suga completely alone in the cold night. 

He stood still, wondering what even just happened and hoping that the night breeze would cool down the side you leaned into that still burned to the touch. What was worse was that whenever the wind did come around, your scent hit his sense of smell like a truck, making it impossible to move. That was until he felt a hand grip onto his shoulder in a friendly manner. 

When Suga turned, he saw Daichi with a gentle smile on his face. 

“Why don’t you just tell him?” He suddenly asked.

Suga blinked aimlessly for a second, pondering if he should deny such a thing. But, he couldn’t lie to Daichi, not in a million years. 

Suga sighed. “I don’t even know if he likes me back.”

“Well, this trip might give you the opportunity to tell him. I mean, best to have no regrets, right?” Daichi asked, knowing he hit a nerve within Suga.

He stared at Daichi, his brain running back to his oath he made in the beginning of this year. It was silly of him to even forget it. “Right.”

During the first couple of days of practice you absorbed as much information about the game from both Karasuno and other teams. You took a fondess of Nekoma, they had this thing about them that you couldn’t quite pin. They weren’t that strong when it came to defense or attack power, but you felt like they were reading your every move. At first, you felt a bit bad since they were the enemy, but when you saw Hinata chatting up with the setter and Daichi talking with their captain, you ruled they were sorta friendly when neither are on the court against each other.

“Are we friends with Nekoma?” You asked Kiyoko who stood next to you on the sidelines as Karasuno played a school you didn’t pay much attention to. 

“We lost to them in a practice match a while back. If anything we’re more like friendly rivals.” Kiyoko explained.

“Gotcha,” you uttered as you watched the game. Everything about volleyball never really excited you, but when it came to these guys, they made it almost way more interesting than it should be. Though, your eyes couldn’t help but wonder over to the people who weren’t playing at the moment, but you mostly focused on Suga over the others. You knew that Ukai put in Kageyama as setter more than him, but you did hope that you would have the chance to see him play. If not, than at least cheer him up.

“Hey, Kiyoko.” You called out, the girl quickly turning to you with a questionable look.

“You’ve known Sugawara the longest, so, uh,” you mumbled. Honestly, this had gone a lot smoother in your head. You gazed down unwillingly, your sight focusing on your feet. “Do you know if, um, if he maybe as anything he enjoys? Like how Tsukki enjoys music. Something that makes him happy?”

Your sight flickered all over the place, your face felling way hotter than before. When you met Kiyoko’s gaze once more, she had this encouraging smile that made your heart come to a complete stop. Only starting back up again when she said, “Well, I’m sure anything from you will do the trick.”

“From me?” You questioned. The simple sentence making immense happiness surge through your veins that you couldn’t contain a cheesy smile that crinkled the edges of your eyes. “Okay, thanks.”

From then on, you asked most of the third years what they thought would be an appropriate gift for Sugawara, some even saying to just call him ‘Suga’ instead of his full last name. You took that into account, but you also took the idea of Super Spicy Mapo Tofu from Asahi. And while you did pick his suggestion, you tried your best to combine everything together to make him as happy as you could.

“Ukai,” you called out. When you jogged up to him you felt multiple eyes on you, both from the court and those not playing. 

“What’s up, kiddo?” He questioned.

“Would it be okay if I was excused for the rest of the day?” You asked, the question itself only sparking sadness and curiosity in those that you didn’t talk to before.

“Sure, just know that I’ll make you work overtime in the shop when we go home.” Ukai stated. He knew he couldn’t just let you off the hook without some kind of punishment, so he did the least problematic one he could think of.

“Thank you,” you said with a quick bow before leaving the occupied gym and heading straight for the cafeteria.

It took you a bit to get everything ready, seriously, you swore if you didn’t really care about this one guy than you wouldn’t even do something like this in the first place. You knew it would make him feel better, but at the same time it was way too embarrassing. It was like you were completely opening your heart, exposing yourself to him even though you had no idea his feeling. You knew he thought of you as a friend, but you seriously were clueless on everything else except your own feelings. Those were painfully obvious to you. 

When everything was complete, you took upon yourself to ask Daichi and Asahi for help since they were the only other third-years on the team. Plus, Daichi was the captain so he had control over everyone’s actions. You put it in terms that weren’t too embarrassing for you, just basically telling them that you set something up for Suga to cheer him up. Politely, you asked if Daichi would only dismiss him from practice and make sure he comes to the boy’s room, the area were the Karasuno guy’s sleep.

They thought it was really thoughtful of you to do something like that for him and agreed to be a part of your plan. After that, you just played the waiting game, hoping that the food didn’t get cold before he showed up. Lucky for you, Suga respects Daichi more than a friend, but as a captain and listened to his every word. It was around five minutes after you came back that he showed up.

You were playing with your hands before you heard the door open. You noticed right away how upset he looked to be kicked out, hoping that he would forgive you after he learned this was all your doing.

After a few more sets, he looked up. The sadness quickly washing away and replayed with pure shock. “Oh, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Hm,” you hummed. Your body soon rotating in front of Suga as he sat down across from you.

“I know you left, but I didn’t think you’d be here.” He expressed, his body leaning forward as he talked. 

“I wasn’t here for all that time.” You confessed, your hands quickly finding the edge of your shirt. “You see, I kinda noticed you were upset from not being able to play with everyone else so I, um,” you trailed off. 

You gulped hard, the sound ringing in your ears for a few seconds before pulling out a bowl full of Super Spicy Mapo Tofu. Your eyes flickered between the bowl of food and the awe-struck expression on Suga’s face.

“I thought I’d make this to cheer you up, a couple of the guys helped me out though.” You mumbled out, your hands starting to grip onto your shirt.

“Oh, wow, this is, um, really nice of you.” You heard him say. Normally, anyone would think he was just trying to be nice to spare your feelings, but the heavy set blush upon his cheeks that trailed over to the tips of your ears say otherwise.

“It’s no problem.” You trailed off in a shaky voice, watching from the corners of your eyes Suga’s face light up when he took the first bite. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride overwhelm you, sure you had cooking skills from being an only child, but this was the first time making that dish, so you were just glad you didn’t completely bomb it.

You two sat in silent for a few minutes, but truthfully, it felt like hours. You would try to sneak a few glances here and there just to get a look at his face. You found it absolutely adorable the way it was scrunch up when he got a good bite of your cooking. Overall, you just wanted to save the view but not be creepy as well. But, after a while, he stopped eating. The bowl that was almost overflowing now empty like a dried river. 

“That was great, thank you!” Suga sung happily, that gentle yet pure smile back on his features. It reminded you of when you two first met, but now just wider and more full of pure joy. 

“Hey, Suga,” you called out, your body leaning in. The sudden action, plus shortening of his name caused his body to stiffen. 

“Y-Yeah?” He stuttered, his eyes never once moving away from yours, even though he desperately wanted too.

You were ready. You had it all planned out. Just do it like you practiced. 

While those this did rush throughout your head all you could manage to get out was, “Want me to take that?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.” Suga replied, his hand picking up the bowl and handed it to you. 

A heavy sigh past your lips when you set the empty bowl over by the door, you would take it down to the cafeteria later. For some reason, this was harder than you remember. Maybe it was cause the last time the person asked you out instead of the other way around. They just made it seem so effortless that you thought for a second that you could do it too. Turns out, you can’t. 

When you came back, you stood a seat next to Suga this time. Both of you now sitting on the sheets he falls asleep on during nightfall. In truth, you had no words. The silence was filled to the brink with this tension that made your head lower, your hands playing with each other. It was like both of you hoped something would happen, but not doing anything to make that come true.

Though, in Suga’s case, his mind replied what Daichi had told him a few days ago. No regrets. Two simple words repeating over and over again. It was true, he didn’t want to have those. Yet, at the same time, he was nervous as all hell to even touch you, let alone start anything. Still, he knew he had to. He had to at least give it a shot, and if he failed, if you didn’t like him the way he did you, he would at least be content with the fact that he never has to wonder what could have been. Even so, his nerves were still all over the place, even if he did make up his mind.

“Hey,” he called out, his body leaning in a bit faster than usual, and when you turned to face him, both of you ended up butting heads. 

Both of you quickly moved your hands up to the sore spot, grunts of pain echoing around the only souls in the room. Suga was the first to recover, guilt swelling up when he noticed you in pain.

“Hey, I’m really sorry, are you okay?” He called out in a panicked voice as he unconsciously placed his hands upon your shoulder. Although, in the mists of his panic, he didn’t realize just how much focus he pushed onto you. 

Your eyes shot open when you felt your body start to move backwards, a small yelp coming from your throat as your squeezed your eyes shut and waited for the hard floor to collide into you. You groaned once it did, the pain now coming from the back of your head and front. You knew this was gonna probably give you a headache later. The pain pounded against your skull, but when you fluttered your eyes open it was like all of that pain was the farthest thing from your mind.

Your breath immediately caught in your lungs, fearful that you’d noticeably start to breath heavier than normal. Before your eyes was a clear few of Suga, his body on top of yours. His eyes were wide, shaky as if trying his hardest not to let his sight wonder. His hands were firmly placed on either side of your head, one of his knees between your legs. 

Both of you remained silent, processing what just happened the best you could. It was then, when you tangled together the events that lead up to this that you subconsciously slide your leg up, bending your knee. Your leg brushing up against Suga’s outter waist and thigh in a way that made him avert his gaze from you for a moment as he recomposed himself.

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” Suga apologized, his voice barely a whisper.

You remained silent, your lips slowly parting.

Suga’s eyes disobeyed his will, his sight falling on your lips that look so soft to him. “I should probably get up now.” 

Quiet. You remained utterly speechless. You wanted to speak, you wanted to say a lot of things. However, it was like your words were stopped in your throat before they could even pass your lips, much less move into Suga’s ears. 

After a moment or two of being in the same position, unmoving, Suga started to believe he was making you uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted to do. Screw his ‘no regrets’ phrase, it was one thing when it came to volleyball. Though, it was a completely other thing when it was you. Never in a million years would he ever want to cause you discomfort, even at the cost of his own feelings, he would stop his pining over you if you didn’t feel the same.

You were in your own mind for long that didn’t notice the look on uncertainty flicker in Suga’s eyes. By the time you came to it, he was slowly starting to get up, careful not to hurt you anymore than he had already. You didn’t know what happened, or what kinda demon took over but when you saw him backing away, you panicked. 

Swiftly, you moved your hand up and tugged hard onto his shirt. You heard a soft gasp from him, sure, but when you felt his lips touch your own, everything went deadly quiet. Both of you remained still, processing what was going on, wondering what the next move should be. 

Slowly, you released your grip from his clothes and moved that hand up to the back of his head, your fingers slowly intertwining with his soft locks. It was then that you felt Suga lead, his lips moving slowly against yours. It was gentle, soothing, and full of so much pent up desire that it almost made you escalate things.

His lips tingled a bit, almost like a spice. Luckily, you didn’t mind it and actually thought it felt somewhat good. You moved yours in sync with his as he started to grow more confident, you in turn starting to tug on the back of his hair. It earned you a few grunts that made butterflies start to invade your stomach and only made your over-worked heart beat even faster. You knew that the mischievous side of Suga was slowly working its way out, especially after the little stunt you pulled.

You didn’t care what he did, all you did care about was having him closer. As you had his hair in your hand, you started to but some pressure down on his head, signaling him to come closer, that it was okay. It didn’t take him long to understand what you were trying to tell him and quickly comply with your request. He carefully moved closer, both of your chests colliding as both of your hearts started to beat as one and ultimately deepen the kiss.

You started to get close to your limit when it came to oxygen, and while you didn’t want to end it, your need to breath was more important to you. However, you didn’t need to. Just when you were going to gentle push him away, Suga moved away from you, his cheeks on fire as his eyes glossed over with something that made you way more embarrassed than you already were.

A soft grunt left your chest before you moved your graze to the side, your entire face gradually feeling more heated by the second.

“Hey,” he called out softly. He didn’t have to explain what he wanted from you, you could hear it all in that simple, everyday word. 

Reluctantly, you met his gaze once more. This time, he was smiling. It was one of those smiles that showed so much admiration without the need for words or any other kind of action.

“I really like you.” He simply said. No hesitation. Not even a single fluctuation in his tone of voice. 

This alone made you smile like a kid in a candy store. For once in your life, you had gotten what you really wanted. It made you the happiest guy alive. 

“I really like you too, Suga.”

[foulserpent]

adore ur remake of oblivion so i have to ask. how would u remake skyrim.

thats something i havent thought out as extensively so it wont be as good as my oblivion rewrite idea. ill just focus on main questlines rather than all the issues with the world itself

heres a summary bc in spite of what i just said, this is long as fuck:

get rid of or completely rebuild the civil war plot (use new vegas formula a bit here).

create real choices and real consequences for the dragonborn and how their rise to power will influence them.

throw in a little ambiguity and make them have to work for their hero status

rewrite miraak to be a more effective foil to the dragonborn

adjust alduin

adjust the blades

civil war:

i think the biggest thing that needs to just happen IMMEDIaTELY is either just. removing the civil war or rebuilding it from the ground up. if they want to keep the factions the same, literally they should go with a new vegas approach where the conflict is largely between imperialists and fascists, playing the fascist questline is treated as a pretty unquestionably evil option, and theres a separate independent ending. also either way i think the stormcloaks have to be rewritten to be less appealing to white nationalists lol. its okay for Bad People to exist in videogames, but it should not be something irl racists can unite behind.

so if youre going to keep it, add in an independent resolution, maybe even two (a more "no gods no masters" kind, and maybe one where the dragonborn seizes control, which would have to involve the main quest probably)

main quest:

i think the dragonborn should struggle more. it doesnt hve to be like the nerevarine but their “chosen one” status should not just be handed to them. let there be more ambiguity in the prophecy, more question about how predetermined fate is. if theyre really super special, let them earn it.

a major theme should be grappling with power, and questions of the dragonborn's own nature. you should have to make real decisions about the kind of person you want to be and whether you will embrace a powerhungry nature or deny it, and your absorption of souls should have an effect. maybe you dont Need souls to unlock shouts, but it makes the function easier and more powerful or smth. the more souls you absorb, your character should be changed. not enough to ruin the game, but NPCs will be a little scared of you. maybe you even look a little different. you are a mortal body with dozens of godshards inside you and youre extremely powerful, it should be like that.

it would have to be done carefully to not come off as some shitty slapped on moral of "wow youre such a bad person for involuntarily absorbing the souls of dragons who try to kill you", id envision it as like. if your character makes actual powerhungry choices in the plot, its monstrous, if they strive to be a good person but are warped by all the souls, its tragic, and you can find ways to abstain from it entirely. alternate routes to fighting dragons. challenging them to duels etc

on that note, dragons need to be more people and less just monsters. each one of them is a person, and that should be very apparent. you should be able to engage with them in ways other than just killing outside of a few plot relevant ones, and even ones who just fight you should at least like. talk to you.

also alduin needs work, at least have his motivations be more clear. like why exactly is he so determined to enslave mortals rather than fufilling his duties as world eater? also its written really fucking confusingly bc on one hand its like "alduin has abandoned his duties and is just running around being a dragon" but then at a few points its implied that he IS trying to end the kalpa as hes supposed to, which is like...which one is it. im pretty sure its supposed to be the former so lets just pick a narrative and stick with it.

so like honestly i think the basic structure of the main quest can stay, it just needs to Know what its doing rather than just kind of flailing around

dragonborn dlc:

i think it needs work, mostly in the miraak department, since they set him up as like a big intimidating villain but hes kind of nothing . stop trying to make him live up to dagoth ur, and instead really hone in on him being a foil to the dragonborn. he is an example of what the dragonborn could become. from that point, either: make him actually really intimidating, or make the playing field feel very level to play up how this is hermaeus mora ultimately pitting prospective tools against each other.

i would go for the latter approach, though miraak should still have to be a convincing villain. set up miraak as the big bad, but make it become increasingly clear that hes just another chucklefuck ensared in mora's tentacles. which i think they were TRYING to do but werent very successful. like i like that YOU dont get to kill him, mora just decides hes not needed anymore and does it himself. really shows that this is all just kind of a farce. i even like the idea that maybe miraak is like, kind of a hollowed out meatpuppet for mora at that point but idk. 

either way id want the dlc to actually challenge how superspecial and stuff dragonborn are, by making the Legendary Duel Of The First and Last Dragonborn be very clearly be like the equivalent of bugs in a jar being made to fight.

The Blades:

the blades need work, but i actually think their depiction is.. accidentally? good. i think their insistence on killing paarthurnax is good and makes sense, but it needs to be reworked and yeah you do need to be able to talk them out of it or handle it otherwise (even by killing them) bc its such a meaningless quest.

make their motivation more clear like delphine and esbern dont want him dead for just his 10000000 year old war crimes, its really about them being incredibly fucking paranoid individuals and needing the ultimate proof that they can trust you. so beef up the whole blades - you - paarthurnax dynamic. give them all more meaningful and complex interactions. this doesnt mean Make Paarthurnax Bad, but maybe give like more of a legitimate reason for the blades to want him killed (legitimate does not mean Good, like it could be they percieve him as a threat to the empire)

[readingaccountability]

snow crash - neal stephenson

my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)

final thoughts:

okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.

the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.

one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.

however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.

the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.

y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,

i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)

please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.

i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!

honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.

the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.

and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.

i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)

ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.

howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.

the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.

[letsbenditlikebennett]

Encounters of the Strange Kind || Ariana & Frank

TIMING: Before the last full moon during the nightmares POTW PARTIES: @frankmulloy & @letsbenditlikebennett SUMMARY: Ariana goes to watch a soccer match and bug her favorite bartender, Frank. Some nightmares brought to life make for a strange afternoon. 

It wasn’t often lately that Ariana found herself with a free afternoon and as much had been preferred. Just when she felt like she was finally beginning to move forward again, Winn had to go and die on her, too. If she let herself sit in all those feelings for too long, she was almost certain she wouldn’t be able to find it in her to get up again. Moving was easier. At least that’s what she had kept telling herself, but now the erratic weather meant soccer practice was cancelled which means she wouldn’t spend the rest of her day coaching. She was far ahead on all of her projects for school and she didn’t want to bother Blanche or Grace yet again. The weather also meant a run with her dog was out of the question so she opted to drink beer and watch some soccer matches at Perfect Pint. It wasn’t the world’s best distraction, but bugging the bartender had always proven to be a good time. While the USWNT wasn’t playing, she threw on the Rapinoe jersey Athena had gotten her anyway. Something about channeling Rapinoe had always left her feeling a little tougher. Which was saying a lot because most days, she considered herself to be pretty badass.

Considering it was a weekday afternoon, Ariana found the bar wasn’t overly crowded, so she grabbed a seat in front of the women’s Olympique Lyons team’s match. While they weren’t her team, she remembered Kaden was a Lyons fan. It gave her some sort of deeper attachment to the game which meant it’d be more likely to hold her attention. She waved at Frank as she settled into her seat and gave him a wide smile. Confidence was key to no one questioning her fake ID. “How are you doing today,” she asked brightly before adding, “I’ll take a Guinness when you get a chance.” She hadn’t liked it at first, but it grew on her. She admittedly just said the first thing she looked at the first time she came here and just kept going with it. 

Frank had always considered Perfect Pint a lesser form of Soul. Less sticky, less sleazy, less were the chance of someone kicking someone else’s teeth in—or maybe that was just his shift. Maybe in his absence the patrons that gathered at the latter establishment were perfectly pleasant, either way, the Irish bar was a welcomed breath of civility before the shit-storm the evening would no doubt bring. The presence of another gancanagh added to the ease of simply being as the pub owner exercised a control over his ability that even after all these years Frank had never fully mastered. His pheromones fluctuated to a rhythm of its own make, a song Frank was not privy to and struggled still to understand. But the shadow of a smile that threatened to break his mask of perpetual indifference came at the hands of one that, legally, shouldn’t even be allowed at the bar. They both knew this— that no matter what her ID said, Ariana was not 21, not the fact that he silently enjoyed her company. No drink was strong enough to make him admit anything so personal. But more than that, if he admitted it, then it must be true, and if that was true then so was the very real possibility that she was only hanging around him because of the reason that most people were. The same reason he slid people their drinks across the bar, why he was always so generous with his distance, why he didn’t smile when he turned to meet Ariana but rather regarded that she was there—of course she was wearing a fucking Rapinoe jersey—another body to warm the bar’s seat.

“Do you have an ID for that Guinness?” Frank said, with perhaps a little too much enjoyment, after the glass was already in his hand. “I get the pub is Irish but you know that American laws still apply right?”

Something about the chatter around the bar was much more comforting than the near silence of her apartment. Ariana was glad this place was close to her new apartment and that her fake ID never seemed to be extensively questioned even though it seemed fairly obvious Frank knew she wasn’t 21 yet. Plus, they always played the soccer matches so it always gave her something engaging to do even if she didn’t have someone joining her. As Frank asked for her ID, she pouted and dramatically pulled her wallet out of one of the pockets in her cargo pants. “You know, you keep not remembering me and my very iconic blue hair, I’m gonna stop tipping… okay, that’s a lie,” she responded with a small laugh as she slid her ID across to him. She gave him a pointed look as she waited for him to set her beer down. The urge to do a triumph fist pump was resisted. Instead, she motioned her glass up in a cheers motion and took a sip before commenting, “You never told me how you were doing. You haven’t seen any weird fish lately, have you?” She’d seen a few of them floating around along with some other strange things. Still felt like a good idea to check in and make sure everyone was staying safe amidst the crazy that was White Crest. 

The threat of no tip was met with a slight upward lean to the corner of Frank’s mouth, which was more of a smile than most could say they’ve ever received from the infamously stoic bartender. The Guinness had already slid across the bar’s top to her awaiting hand before she had even pulled the ID out; the presence of the little card vaguely acknowledged though not such attention was paid to its content. “Fine,” he said, and he was fine, and was happy to leave it at fine, but of course, Ariana had a talent for catching his attention when he least expected it. Like, say, a remark about weird fishes. “This whole fucking town is weird.” Frank would be remiss to say that the amount of fog that blanketed the town was a common occurrence, not to mention the pair of bright glowing lights that peered eerily behind them. Logically, he’d sooner owe it to a pair of headlights, than anything stranger, which was rich coming from a guy with giant wings sticking out of his back. Logically, he also knew that no vehicle or trunk had lights that large, that moved so silently, seamlessly-- there was nothing mechanical about these lights. “Why? What have you seen?” A pause. The temptation was to close the distance between them, but alas (at least this time) habit dug down its heel, and so did Frank. “What have you been up to kid?”

Of course he hadn’t actually bothered to look at her ID which made Ariana laugh a bit. While Frank was never the overly talkative type, she did enjoy his mostly quiet company. It gave her something else to focus on when the game wasn’t enough to keep her thoughts from drifting somewhere darker. He was a bit of mystery though and fine almost never meant fine. She knew better than anyone because she’d put that brave face on every day for the kids and a little bit for herself. “I hate that word,” she stated plainly, “90% of the time it’s bullshit, but I’ll give you that one.” At least his response to the question about fish led her to believe he wasn’t completely clueless to the ways of this town. That made it easier for him to stay safe. “You know, you’re not wrong,” she agreed, “Some of it is good weird though, like the dog toys falling from the sky. My dog had a field day with that one. Still, probably a good idea to avoid the giant floating fish if you can.” For a moment, she could almost detect a hint of concern in his voice though he still kept his distance. She didn’t want to alarm him, so she shrugged and answered, “Honestly, I’ve seen a lot, but more recently it’s been the floating fish. Thankfully, they seem to mostly just kind of float by if you don’t bother them. I may be tough, but I’m not exactly eager to see if I can take on an oversized flying fish.” The answer to his next question was decidedly nothing good outside of school and work. Between ghost hunting, avoiding sleep, and her plans to turn Ace into a werewolf like her, she was decidedly not staying out of trouble. Not even a little bit. “Oh, you know-- work, class, typical young we-- people things. I opened up an Etsy shop, so if you need any custom woodwork or repairs, I’m your girl,” she responded hoping her answer sufficed even if she definitely left big bits of the truth out. She shifted in her seat slightly and a puzzled look crossed her face as all the TV screens in the bar went fuzzy. That was weird. It was a perfectly sunny day out so she couldn’t think of any good reason for the television picture to just go out. 

For reasons too complicated, and probably too depressing, to dissect without the supervision of his therapist, Frank had somehow convinced himself of being able to care for little else beyond that which directly affected him. Now Frank was a great many things but never the uncaring type, and while he was a talented wordsmith (when he had the energy to be) he was, as was the nature of his species, a poor liar. Even to himself. So when “fine” was met with a reaction that was far from it, his heart—he was frequently surprised to learn, or be reminded, of its existence—reared its head, and fixed a tender gaze on the younger girl. He said nothing however, feeling that it was the wrong time to press, but he would remember the minor outburst, and keep it close to heart. While Frank himself was still challenged with admitting to the existence of the strange and unnatural, despite himself being one of those strange and unnatural things, to have Ariana confess to it so readily, and so casually at that, made it concrete, and real. No, the lights were not in fact a truck in the foggy distance, it was indeed a giant floating fish. That was normal now. He was part of that normal. So what happened then when a normal person has spent his entire life believing he was not? How does he come to terms with that? The answer: he doesn’t. He instead focused his attention on anything else, on anyone else. “Right, so that sounded decidedly unconvincing. Your fake ID is more convincing than…whatever that was.” He waited for a characteristically snappy response, but when she looked up at him—no, past him, her brows knitted together at whatever the TV was showing. “What are you…?” Nothing, the TV was showing nothing, and yet she seemed entranced, or at least concerned enough to be curious. This made him concerned, and by the way the few patrons that were in the bar were whispering and mumbling to themselves and each other, it was going around.

“Jesus H,” the dish rag draped over his shoulder, Frank sought for the remote and tried to turn it off, but the battery was either flat or the TV refused to obey. Logic supported the former, and logic made him reach up to press the button on the monitor itself. That was when water started leaking from the screen. Logic offered no sound explanation for that. Somewhere within the bar came a yelp as the water from one of the leaking TVs (was he seriously admitting to that?) short-circuited the juke box. No, Frank thought decidedly, it had been two weeks since he last fed and he was too fucking tired for this shit. “Yeah, I’m not cleaning that shit up.” He tossed the towel aside, stuck his head into the kitchen and announced his early finish. “No offence but I don’t think your game is playing kid,” he said and ducked out from behind the bar. Something wasn’t right, and frankly he felt no great desire to stick around, and owed to some strange endearment he’s found in Ariana, he didn’t want her to stick around either. “I’m heading out. Finish your Guinness. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

Normally, she would have been quick to comment on the fake ID remark. Ariana wasn’t sure just how serious he was, because would he really be serving her if he thought her ID was fake? Maybe he just didn’t give a crap which actually checked out to a degree. The water leaking from the TVs was far more pressing though. She was pretty sure electronics and water didn’t mix, so she took a step back. “TVs,” she answered as she pointed upward. How were they even doing that? She doubted there was any satisfying answer, but slowly scooted away from any electronics. After all she’d been through, she wasn’t about to go out by electrocution of all things. She took a big gulp from her glass of beer because frankly it  was warranted with the current level of insanity. So much for having a nice escape from White Crest reality. It hadn’t been all that surprise to see Frank ditch the bar. She laughed a bit and commented, “I don’t blame you. Probably dangerous back there right now anyway.” The jukebox seemed to agree with her so she was glad he was seemingly away from any spots that may cause electrical shock. 

While the TV situation was still concerning, Ariana figured she didn’t have much of a reason to stick around with both the game off and Frank gone. Beer alone wasn’t going to be enough to distract her from the whirlwind of emotions she currently didn’t feel like acknowledging. His offer to walk her home was unexpected though. She looked up to him and said, “Yeah, thanks, I’d appreciate that even if I am probably a lot tougher than you think I am.” She jokingly sized him up, but agreed her beer was worth finishing. “For sure gonna finish this bad boy. Can’t be out here wasting a perfectly good beer!” She was quick to polish off her beer. She refrained from burping as she set the glass down because as Celeste taught her growing up, it wasn’t proper table manners. Not that she truly understood why table manners were a thing humans cared about, but for the sake of blending in, she did her best to follow some sort of norm. “So we adding bodyguard to your business card now,” she joked as they left the now nightmarish scene behind. Thankfully, everyone else had also been quick to bolt, so she wasn’t too concerned for their safety. Every so often, a creepy face would flash on the screen and she muttered, “Wow, I fucking hate that.” She pointed down the block and said, “I live this way, not too far away and surprisingly decent rent. Not sure if you know the area well or not, but it really is a steal.” 

“I am sure that you are.” Frank’s lips twitched as a genesis of a smile began to take shape across his mouth, one that came very close to becoming fully formed, until he too saw the ghostly face that haunted the TV screens. Fuck. That. Many of the pub’s patrons shared the same sentiment and a steady stream of people trickled out behind them, and for the first time (and hopefully the last) Frank was glad that he had the evening shift at Soul that day. A snort escaped his guard, harsh and full, a gleam of something mirthful reflected in his eyes as he turned them toward Ariana. “Depends on how much you’re willing to pay me,” he said and was only half joking. Bartending doesn’t pay a great deal, and there were many artefacts in his piece of crap apartment, including the piece of crap apartment itself, that would attest to this. The Bend wasn’t exactly known for its New England style living, but then again, neither was Frank.

“It’s nice.” He mused, quietly observing the shops that lined the streets and the plants and bushes that trimmed the sidewalks. Frank spied what looked like a stray dog toy tangled in the leaves of one of the passing bushes. Raining dog toys. That was normal too. Another thing he had to come to terms with getting used to. Not the fact that that particular thing happened, but the possibility of something similar, and equally strange and outlandish happening again. “I never really took the time to take in the streets. I mostly just come in for work, and then go to Soul and then go home. But this street, this place, I can see you living in it.” In the same weird way that you can somehow just sense that someone does not belong in a certain place, you can also sense when someone else belonged exactly where they were-- the latter was usually a lot more pleasant to observe. Walking next to Ariana, in the street she lived, Frank came to the conclusion that she looked like she was exactly where she needed to be; a place bustling with life, and events, and possibilities...even if it was a little strange. “It’s nice.”

Ariana noted the almost smile that Frank made though she didn’t comment on it. He was seemingly gruff, but she was pretty sure he enjoyed her company. Well, at least more so than the rest of the bar’s patrons. Which was fair, she was way cooler and far more adorable. As they walked, she laughed a bit at the mention of paying him. “Thankfully, I don’t need my own bodyguard, not that I could afford one. As it turns out, coaching kids’ soccer a few times a week doesn’t pay enough for a glamorous lifestyle. Not that I want one, but building a cabin one day would still be nice. If my woodworking really takes off, I may have a job for you.” They rounded a corner and something about the sky felt off. She ignored it and added, “I should warn, I’m good at finding trouble.” To be fair to herself, trouble often found her based on her species alone, but she definitely had a knack for following her nose right into some sort of White Crest nonsense. 

It surprised Ariana that Frank hadn’t done much exploring the streets yet. While the more populated parts of town weren’t necessarily her thing, she did know the woods like the back of her hand. Or paw, depending on the day of the month. “Yeah, there’s a lot of good shops and restaurants down here. It’s a good area, I prefer the woods, but it’s nice living across the hall from one of my best friends. So thanks.” She was almost wistful for that cabin in the woods she was supposed to build with Celeste one day. Hell, she even missed the place she helped Ulfric build, but there was a sense of pride that came with having a place of her own. Plus, hiking with her school projects that were often bigger than her was a bit much. She’d been smiling softly when a strange smell hit her nose. She paused in the middle of the sidewalk and looked in the direction her nose was picking up a more animalistic smell. Before it could even register fully in her mind, a raging moose was charging them. “Shit,” she yelled out and pushed Frank out of the way as she barely dodged getting impaled by a fucking antler. “What the fuck,” she grumbled as she regained her balance and stared the moose down, letting out a low growl. 

“Me too.” Frank’s smile hiked a little higher, and there was something knowing about it, like sharing in a secret that they both had, even if it was from each other. Though he did not necessarily indulge in the more cursed aspects of his existence, he always found that it was better to take it with good humour lest he drowns himself in self-pity; the latter being a significantly worse reality.

Frank spent the rest of their walk quietly observing the younger girl, his eyes squinted in a mixture of easy amusement and sharp curiosity. She spoke, a lot, and he listened, filing away pieces of information that he found useful or interesting: her relationship with the woods, her best friend, woodwork, how the three worked together to form an idyllic picture of the life Ariana wanted for herself. The pieces of information that went untold, fueled by a detailed history, alive and well as evidence in how she spoke. It made him wistful for a future that he never imagined for himself (he never tried to), and wanted dearly for her to have—her sudden stop elicited the same reaction in him, though it was obvious that she was sensing something that he wasn’t. Something he couldn’t. He heard the rumbling of hooves on pavement before he saw it, and even then he saw very little as a force, and a very impressive one at that, pushed him out of harm’s way, very nearly knocking him off his feet were it not for the swift sweep of his wings slowing gravity just enough for him to recover his balance—the product of instinct rather than any great skill. And then a low growl, unmistakably animal, and too near for comfort. First the ghost child TV, then the moose, now if he was about to get mauled by a fucking wolf Frank was going to lose his shit. Alas, there was just Ariana, and a very angry moose carving its way through the street before disappearing around the corner. No wolves to be seen…and yet. “Ariana, are you okay?” Concern coloured his words and made his touch more gentle as he reached out to examine her for any obvious injury. “Are you hurt?” And then finally, inevitably, “only in this fucking town.”

As she reoriented herself she swore she saw a flicker of wings on Frank. Ariana blinked slowly a few times and realized it must have been a trick of the light. Not that wings would be totally off base in this town, but the rest of their surroundings still felt surreal enough that she wrote it off. There was still a small lingering suspicion that maybe Frank wasn’t quite so human either. She’d have to observe him more carefully. She brushed herself off and answered, “Yeah, I’m fine. More startled than anything.” The moose kept running and rounded a corner. Maybe she should have been more concerned, but she simply didn’t have the energy to chase a moose right now. Not in this form. She figured she could shoot Kaden a text and let animal control deal with the seemingly pissed off moose. She stood still for a moment as he looked her over and kept her demeanor calm despite the internal ‘what the fuck just happened’ vibes she had going on. “I’m not hurt. Did only narrowly dodge becoming a moose kebab, but it be like that I guess,” she said with a slight laugh. “Yeah, that was super on brand for White Crest, but hey, neither of us turned into moose-pops today, so I’ll call it a win.” She was dying to ask about the wings, but she still wasn’t entirely sure of what she saw, so she’d file that one away for later. “To be safe, let’s keep moving in case he decides to come back for round 2.” She paused briefly as she started leading the way to her apartment before she finally caved and noted, “So… you were pretty good at catching your balance there.”

Ariana’s note was like a plunged blade, spearing through the glamour that he has tried so hard to maintain. Did it fall? Did she see? She couldn’t have. Frank’s wings were not little plastic accessories that you found hanging off some rack at some halloween store. They were huge, and not something that usually elicited such a casual response...not that he’s had many experiences to draw from. Yet at her remark, he prompted his face to smooth over any evidence of emotion, trying his best to manufacture the closest imitation to nonchalance. “Oh yeah? Thanks kid,” he said before allowing an edge of gentle humor pushed into the timber of his voice, “I mean I’d be a pretty shoddy bodyguard if I’m tripping over my own damn feet.” This made sense--even if Frank’s history of fighting recorded more losses than wins. “Maybe you should consider getting into the bodyguard business. That’s some arm you’ve got.” Needless to say, had it not been for Ariana’s quick reaction, his day would have gone in a very different, most likely more painful, direction. The reminder beckoned curiosity’s head to surface through the crack’s of his apathy, and despite the strangeness of the TV, the moose, he could not erase from his memory the distinct sound of a dog’s growl.

Curiosity also prompted him to vocalise his next words, but Frank was careful with them, lest he risked sounding insane in a town known for its strangeness. “After that moose, did you, I don’t know, hear anything weird? Like a growl?” Was he suggesting that he heard the moose...growl? Perhaps. But what was the more likely event: the moose growling or Ariana growling? Then again, little ghost girls were crawling out of leaky TVs and only moments ago they were almost ran over by a rampant moose and Frank himself had a literal silver tongue and giant wings stuck to his back, Ariana growling was hardly the strangest thing that happened in that afternoon alone.

“Fair point,” Ariana responded with a laugh. A clumsy bodyguard seemed like more of a hazard than protection. At the mention of having a strong arm, she shrugged. The full moon was quickly approaching so her strength was peaking though even during the new moon she liked to think her athleticism afforded her  a bit more in the way of strength. “What can I say? My natural athletic prowess surprises yet again,” she answered with a laugh. It wasn’t entirely a lie and she was tempted to just throw out the fact she was a werewolf. She was almost positive she had seen the briefest glimpse of giant ass wings on his back when he stumbled from her push. It was unlikely he’d have anything against werewolves. She was trying to have a little bit more in the way of tact regarding this kind of thing, but was pretty much failing at that. Would there really be much harm in telling him? As stoic as he was, he seemed to have a soft spot for her. Not that she could blame him. She was adorable and she knew it. 

As Ariana started to lead the way toward her apartment again, Frank mentioned the growl and she stopped in her tracks. Of course he heard that. Sometimes her instincts were stronger than her common fucking sense. If she was being honest, it was probably more than sometimes. She sighed and explained, “That wasn’t the moose. You did hear a growl. That was me.” She was already most of the way there to telling him, might as well go for it. “I’m a werewolf, that happens sometimes.” And there it was. Did this give her the ground to ask if she saw wings or would he just think she was crazy? She could probably chalk it up to weird teenaged Twilight daydreams if anything else. She watched Frank carefully, looking for any sign of how he was taking that little bomb. 

In summation: little ghost girls were crawling out of leaking TVs, they were almost ran over by a raging moose, flying fishes were a thing, and so was raining dog toys apparently, and Ariana was a werewolf. The truth settled over Frank like a blanket and he was unpanicked and strangely unperturbed, though either would have seemed a more conventional reaction to the news. In fairness, that tends to happen when you have a tongue that is literally silver and giant wings sticking out of your back. She could have told him that she was Irish (considering how often she was at the Irish pub), and his reaction would not have differed greatly from that he had on now: raised brows, mouth slightly parted as if wanting to say something but unsure of what, and a pensiveness had settled over his eyes as he digested this new discovery. “You are…a werewolf.” 

The first time Patrick told Frank that he was a fae, and that Frank was one too, he laughed (and then punched him again, but that could also be accredited to several other factors), and though the reality of his situation seemed entirely too impossible to be logical, his father’s explanation was the only one that made sense. Frank didn’t laugh this time, but was instead preoccupied with another thought: why was she volunteering this information? He was suddenly very acutely aware of his wings, and the effort he exerted to keep them hidden—like one who was suddenly very cognizant of their own breathing, and the mechanics of that unconscious process. She did see his wings, was the first thought, followed by a question of whether he minded that she did? Was he comfortable enough to let her know of what he was, as she apparently was with her secret? Was it ever a secret? It wasn’t as if the subject came up in a lot of their conversations to begin with. “A werewolf like…Michael J. Fox, werewolf?” 

The news of her being a werewolf didn’t seem to come across as too much of a shock and Ariana was grateful for that. There was definitely some processing happening, but as much was to be expected. At least he wasn’t looking at her like she had five heads or something which meant he most likely believed her. “Yes, I’m a werewolf,” she said quietly. It wasn’t a secret, but shouting it from the rooftops would likely attract hunters that weren’t as understanding as the ones she knew. If she could help it, she’d rather not be a trophy on some asshole’s wall. She wanted to follow that statement with ‘you have wings’ because she was pretty sure she’d gotten a glimpse of them, but if she was wrong, he’d really think she was insane.  At the mention of being a Michael J. Fox werewolf, her features contorted in confusion and she paused for a moment. “Wait, what?” Her head tilted as she looked at him in earnest and said, “I have no idea what that means or who Michael J. Fox is. The gist of it is I become wolfy around the full moon, have a good sense of smell and strength, and really like red meat. Oh, and I guess I growl sometimes.” 

Well, fuck. There’s nothing quite like making an aged reference to remind you exactly of how old you are. “Michael J. Fox...like, Teen Wolf nineteen-eighty—you know what, don’t worry about it.” Although Ariana’s general description seemed to follow, more or less, the general formula of the werewolf myth Frank was familiar with, the strangest part of all of this was not that she was a werewolf but that he felt no distance between them since the discovery. No unease, or distrust; she was still exactly the Ariana he had come to know. The same Ariana who knew exactly which buttons of his to press, and the right words to say to coax a grin or a chuckle out of him, especially when he least expected it. In fact what he did feel was something more akin to relief. She wasn’t a fae but she wasn’t entirely human either—like him. A small part of Frank was almost envious of her. She was so comfortable with herself, she knew exactly what she was, and unapologetically so. She listed her traits with the familiarity and ease of a cook listing the ingredients of a well-known dish: no judgement, no prejudice, just simple facts. The same could not be said of himself. The subject of his fae heritage had always left a bitter taste in his mouth. One Frank washed down with cheap cigarettes and even cheaper alcohol, finished with a  serving of good old fashioned denial. You know, healthy things. “You didn’t have to tell me that you know,” he said, “why did you?”

No one had ever really asked Ariana that question before and it left her a bit curious. Frank definitely did not seemed bothered by her revelation or afraid of her in any way which was good. It wasn’t like she’d ever hurt him. Still, she supposed other people were a bit more tight lipped about their species than she was. The fact of the matter was that she liked Frank and she didn’t believe he’d ever do anything to hurt her. She shrugged as they rounded the corner toward her building and she answered, “I don’t know, it’s not like a big secret or anything. I mean, I don’t like broadcast it for the world to know, but given everything today, I didn’t think you’d be too shocked. Plus, pretty sure you’re not a hunter… not that hunters are automatically bad. I’m friends with a few, but still.” It dawned on her she was growing more curious about what he was so she added, “Plus, you don’t seem too shocked. Do you have like some sort of background with this stuff?” 

Frank kept his eyes forward, his expression betrayed little of his thoughts, but he could not deny the sliver of ice that slid down his spine at the mention of the word. Hunters. He didn’t know why that was. He also didn’t know why he started thinking about his father. Didn’t know why the word triggered the image of him to come to the forefront of his mind, and the fear that he saw in his eyes, or perhaps most frightening: the resignation in them. Most faes were immune to things that otherwise proved fatal to humans; difficult to kill if you didn’t know what you were doing, entirely possible if you did. Hunters would. Was that what happened to Patrick? Frank had never cared to ask, and thought little of that night since, until now. Not that hunters were automatically bad, Ariana had assured him. Frank offered her a smile (it looked off, but then again, it was Frank), though he wasn’t particularly eager to go out and test that theory either. He turned his gaze back down, and for a moment their eyes met. She knows. He lets out a sigh, his fingers raked through the side of his beard, unsure of how to put together the words he struggled to say even to himself in front of a mirror. “Er…yeah, you could say something like that. I mean not werewolves, obviously, you’d be the first, but other things.”

While it was still a mystery of how Frank knew all of this, he seemed to take it relatively with stride. At least, he wasn’t any more or less stoic than he normally was. Ariana was still curious to know if her hunch was correct, but he could tell her in his own time. She knew not everyone was as comfortable sharing their species as she was. Or maybe he was human and just didn’t try to make excuses for everything weird that happened in this town. She’d sworn she saw wings for a second there, but with everything else that happened, it was hard to tell. Either way, she offered him a warm smile as they neared her building. “Well, whoever said save the best for last was wrong then,” she joked with a smirk present on her face. She took on a more serious tone and added, “I know a lot of people here who have a bit of something extra, so if you ever find yourself in trouble or anything, let me know. Even if it’s not something you can throw a werewolf at, I usually know who to ask for help.” She stopped outside the front of her building and turned to Frank. With a small gesture, she said, “This is my stop. Keep an eye out for angry moose and let me know you make it home safe, alright?” 

The invitation was a door and Ariana had so graciously held it open for him. All warm smiles and not even a glimpse of a shadow to hint judgement or malice or a well to use the knowledge of what he was against him. But Frank’s history shackled his feet and he didn’t move but looked at her with feigned ignorance. He’d as good as closed the door himself and every part of him wondered why. Simply, it was not Ariana he wanted to hide the truth from but himself. So he could play grumpy bartender a little bit longer, supplying banter and alcohol to underage werewolves and deny the responsibility of his supernatural inheritance. It was fucking pathetic, he knew it, and he swallowed the truth with a smile as Ariana was delivered safely to her front door. Although that was perhaps more her doing than his. “I’m not going to ask who or how you know said persons, but I will keep that in mind. Personally, I hope that it never comes to that.” He mirrored the gesture back to her, a reluctant grin cracked across his face in a way only Ariana could force out of him, “yes ma’am. You stay out of trouble kiddo.” Somehow he knew, as soon as he said it, trouble and Ariana were never too far away from each other.

[ronnytherandom]

A Film A Day To The Best Of My Ability Pt2

11/1/2021: Uncut Gems (Unfinished)

Not sure about this one. Made me feel uneasy about 20 minutes in, got bored and didn’t want to watch anymore. Ah well.

12/1/2021: The Missing Link Fantastic. I feel I needed something light and fun today and this was definitely that! Immediate note that the animation is fucking unreal, as you’d expect from Laika, particularly during the boat scene. To think they did that all stop motion! Boggles the mind! Acting is good, I particularly like Stephen Fry but that’s just a given for me. That said as good as the performance is, Zach Galifianakis’ Susan is another of those comic relief characters whose manner grates on me a little despite being generally endearing. The quality of the comedy throughout can vary from acceptable to fantastic, there are dry moments and there are laugh out loud moments and some very memorable quotes. Some of the best comedy is physical, especially in the case of anything Susan does and the saloon brawl, and this ties into a general trend of really good action which is made that much more impressive by the stop motion animation. These people are wizards I swear. On the matter of writing, I appreciate the message about the contrast between the “civilised” and the ostensibly uncivilised and the positive nature of progressive change but I feel like the plot is a little too predictable, in the broad strokes, to the point where I had the whole thing figured out by the aforementioned saloon fight. I feel like some might figure it sooner even than that. This matters not so much to me as even though we know what lies at the end of the journey there is still significant fun to be had in the intervening moments, and isn’t that part of the meaning of the film anyway?

13/1/2021: Annihilation

Magnificent! truly suspenseful and uneasy, but intriguing. It’s hard to truly hold my attention but I couldn’t take my eyes off this one from about the halfway point. It’ll be useful shorthand to just say everything about the film is masterful; acting, directing, soundtrack, visual effects, the whole lot. Specifically, I love the contrast between the lovely guitar riff and the alien synths. I love Nataly Portman’s performance. Effects were bloodcurdling, made me really squeamish and body conscious. Brilliant work. Strikes me as a very unique story as it lacks typical protagonistic and antagonistic forces, there’s no true good or evil. The meaning is somewhat abstract, there’s a shimmer over it perhaps, but I’m thinking the major conflict here is between change and stasis; where change is life and stasis is unlife or cancer, the latter being an ever-present motif. Perhaps the lesson is that to live forever is to be wrong and harmful and accepting change and growth is a progressive way forward? Id need some rewatches and time to really analyse it and id honestly look forward to that. Really a thoughtful, very well made and experiential film. I’ve not read the book but I have a feeling I will have to.

15/1/2021: Code 8 (unfinished)

Kind of boring. Whenever there’s something happening its pretty good and the dystopia is interesting, even if its just a rip of near-future-setting X-men with less interesting powers, but any time there’s dialogue the entire thing slows to a crawl. I appreciate the feature of a non-binary character (though the murderous intent fits in with the queer-coded villain trope) but aside from them there’s no one really of note, I don’t care enough about them to keep watching. I appreciate what it’s trying to say but I could be doing better things.

16/1/2021: The Irishman (unfinished) I don’t think Scorsese makes my kind of films. Criticisms are similar to Wolf of Wall Street, there is technical excellence evident in every facet of the feature, but it doesn’t come together in a way that entertains me. Its all so long winded and slow that it just doesn’t hold my attention, I found I’d rather read a Wikipedia article about Joseph P Kennedy Sr than continue watching the film. I feel it needs to be a bit snappier. I’m somewhat curious why everyone dies around 1980 but don’t care enough to find out; not to wade through syrup for another 2 hours.

17/1/2021: Labyrinth (rewatch)

Such fun! The 1980s energy is overbearing! My first thought is always of the effects, as the digital effects have aged horrendously in the past… 35 years?! However, the practical effects have aged terrifically and are exceptionally impressive though that is to be expected when you let Jim Henson loose. The worlds aesthetic is intriguing and the characters within it charming, especially Didymus and Ludo, the former being responsible for the two funniest lines. There is even powerful emotion by the very end where it feels like there is a final farewell coming and I appreciate the meaning as well as the film explores growing up well, with a little anti-materialist sentiment, and seeks to demonstrate the importance of friendship. Past all that I have very limited criticisms; mainly the human actors, I may have preferred this film if it were entirely puppets. Ultimately its cute and enjoyable; It feels like the cinematic equivalent of a good YA novel.

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S1 E13

quarantine diaries: may 26 2020

season 1 episode 13: “We Are Grounders: Part II”

I can’t believe im already at the season 1 finale

starting strong with raven and clarke cauterizing her wound. are they really going to paralyze raven? no wait please tell me that she becomes a cyborg.

ooo the tension between finn and bellamy. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! hmmph. fine clarke be the killjoy and break up the fight between youre boyfriends.

i dont like mama clarke and daddy bellamy fighting and disagreeing. it is not productive for your group of kids especially with the grounders coming. i like that clarke balances out bellamy’s negativity tho. way to stay positive. i could never cuz im quite the cynic if y’all if haven’t figured that out yet 

was that fire and steam scene (3:50) necessary? im not a big outdoorsy person but im pretty sure that that amount of steam of excessive. i mean it did look cool tho and dramatic af

what is this music? what is with all the slow-mo the editing team really be trying to make walking through the forest super cool and epic when it really isnt

honestly these kids are doing better than the adults. cuz its chaos up there in the ark.

shitttt when that grounder throwing star came and killed that guy.

wow they ran back to camp. soo basically the past ten minutes have been useless. like they really be lets move out and retreat then 5 minutes later be like nvm that was a bad idea lets go back to where its safe and we actually have a chance to fight back. and bet bellamy was like I FUCKING TOLD YOU! CLARKE YOU IGNORANT SLUT! *sorry another office reference

haha finn did a double face palm when clarke agreed with bellamy (7:00)

wow these cuts these editors are just adding new styles.

bellamy’s little makeshift war table is too cute. i wonder if he had individual figurines of himself, clarke, and the other main characters. 

also i feel like raven is highly underappreciated. like she is essentially a one-woman show for all things mechanical and weaponry. literally if raven did not come down from the ark when she did. the 100 wouldnt even stand a chance. i honestly think that they’d all be dead already. however then again it was raven’s idea with the flares that ignited this war so......but who am i kidding if it werent the flares the 100 themselves would have found another way to piss of the grounders and start a war sooner or later

ring of fire. i see that raven also watched finding nemo

bbq grounders and raven sayin “ill cook them real good” i thought this was supposed to be feminist show so why they keeping raven in the kitchen? jk jk

finn being a noble dumbass. i stan. but woah! woah woah! finn be out here flirting with clarke and raven at the same time. in the same place. right in front of each other. slow your roll mister. 

that awkward moment when the ark didn’t launch. oof. cant relate.

kane touching everyone's hands very anti-corona. but then it was all for nothing. jaha coming to stealing his thunder leaving kane lookin like a fool. jaha giving me captain america vibez rn. also star trek. 

friendly reminder that chris hemsworth played chris pine’s father

when jaha said “and ill see my son” rip wells rip. the writers did him dirty :(

grounders be confident enough to announce their arrival with their drums. they should be tho cuz this kids. they aren’t reaaaady

raven having a quarter life crisis about she used to always being first and now ending up where she is now. i felt that. bitch me in college is not a good look. but also when clarke said “id pick you first” we love sisters supporting sisters. imagine if this is sparks a relationship between them. like they both realize how dumb finn is and they decide that they should just get together as a big fuck you to finn. 

ooo karma is a bitch murphy. 

i love how anya be a wearing a crown on the battle field. shes a queen and she knows it.

this attack between the grounders and the 100 be like the battle at winterfell in GoT (”the long night”) but just scaled down and with guns. i say this because in both that its seems like an impossible fight but also because its hard to see all the action with this poor lighting

nooooow finn listens to bellamy. thats when you know he’s desperate

wow i can’t believe these kids are actually listening to clarke cuz bitch you know if i saw those grounders coming at me you better your ass that i be running to that drop ship for cover. this kids really do have more balls than me.

they’re playing some hallelujah music while they watch the ark descend to earth. waht? then it cuts to some of the people exploding as some of the ark re enters the atmosphere. may we meet again. 

how the hell did licoln find her in the mist of all this chaos? oh i know. lincoln be that weird ass person that can track a person based on their scent and you know octavia hasn’t showered in days so you know her stench is potent. aaahh the smell of true love. 

aww bellamy apologized about to octavia and his “my life ended when you were born” we love a king that apologizes. really tho. not a lot of male characters apologizes for the messed up things they do/say. i stan.

goodbye octavia may you become a badass next time we meet. 

ooo prettyboy bellamy no and finn too. ooh. i know they have to survive for the plot. but i dont like it when found families get separated 

this was me watching my bois bellamy and finn getting the living hell beaten out of them by the grounders and not making it back to the dropship

did anya really go in there thinking that she could take on all these kids with guns and no supervision. but i mean if anyone could it would be this queen.

“we are not grounders” i think the title of the episode would disagree with you clarke 

props to that stuntman. that fire looks hella hot.

don’t tell me that the air is sweet. put on a damn mask abby don’t you know that its corona season.

welp there goes my ship between kane and jaha. damn it. i mean i guess they could have a really short (timing-wise) but very loooooooong distance relationship. cheers to you thelonius. may we meet again. pour one out for me.

these mountain men have smoke grenades and lasers and guns and gas masks. modern warfare the writers said.

clarke in the good place?

van gogh. starry night. is this just random or is there actual relevance/hidden symbolism behind this. cuz if the latter im picking up on nothing.

monty!!!! He liiiiiivveeeees so...

quarantine ward! Mount Weather?! what the fuck i going on?

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[varricttethras]

im putting my shame on display please dont stone me im just vibing djdkdnkddkdk

so back when i was first into undertale and started shipping a self insert oc with papyrus, i was writing a whole thing about them back then and i only remembered it lately and recalled the lore i put behind it which. honestly id kind of like to resume writing for it but id like someone to tell me if its a dumb premise and possibly give me some advice. also i want to infodump :^)

OK SO im not sure if people ever talked about this but im pretty sure the undertale universe has human mages. like judging by this slide from the opening, there were mages at least at the point when the war between humans and monsters was going on. so its probably not a stretch to say mages would exist in modern times too.

in my thing, mages are the result of human/monster pairings. but with monsters stuck behind the barrier, that was kind of a thing of the past. mages could still happen though, they were just rare because the gene skips generations until it decides to rear its head.

in any given generation, theres only a few thousand spread across the world. theyre heavily documented and are required to be stuck in special military owned schools to teach them control of their magic. in america, most of their mages live near mt. ebbot because theres a school and a military base there. two birds one stone kind of thing i guess.

once a mage graduates, theyre presented with an ultimatum to either join the military or get dumped into the world with lots of debt. it doesnt sweeten the latter deal that mages typically have some kind of physical or mental health problems (if not both) and the government retains a lot of the doctors that can do anything to help.

so obv most people choose to stick with the military and the only ones who dont are the mages from wealthy families or the Really Obstinate people like my oc. :^3c

ok time to be turbo cringey 👀 my self insert is called salem, which is Totally their real name and Not just one they picked because it sounded cool. they were born on the other side of the country (in one of the carolinas but they dont know or remember which) and were surrendered after a few months, then carted off to the school near mt. ebbot where they grew up. they absolutely Hated it there and once their graduation rolled around, they jumped at the chance to leave. unfortunately that left them in a ton of debt with few respectable career choices and nowhere else to really go so they end up sticking around the area doing guard work for various shitty people over the next 9 years.

despite their circumstances, salem is still a pretty exuberant person and they make an effort not to give away just how miserable they might be on the inside. they can be a little aggressive from time to time (being raised to be a fighting machine can do that) and theyve got a big complex about people calling them stupid. salem is affable enough in general but Real trust and openness is hard to come by until someone proves worth trusting. its a rewarding thing though because salem becomes 10x funnier once theyve really latched onto someone.

and speaking of, salem Really latches onto the monsters but Especially to papyrus. everyone is so kind and genuine and actually treats them with dignity but something about pap is just special to them. hes patient and affectionate and ends up completely stealing their heart.

sal can definitely put out some ‘neurotic prey animal’ vibes and pap makes it his mission to soothe their nerves by being their cool new friend. and he does! he just kinda falls for them in the process.

uhhhhhh some more little salem things:

-their mage genes come from a very distant fire elemental predecessor

-they have a scar across their nose, another on their left cheek, and countless others littered across their torso and back

-theyve got tons of ear piercings, a tongue & eyebrow piercing, and a tattoo of the moon cycles on their right forearm.

-they Love jewelry and especially love rings

-they have pointy teeth and their pupils are reflective

-theyre Complete besties w undyne once they get over their initial withdrawn period

-they have an orange soul

-they like to collect little knickknacks, especially tiny crystal sculptures, that theyve either pinched from shops or found.

-they like cranberry juice and Fuit Gummy

ok so my problem is that i dont exactly remember the complete details of how salem comes to associate with frisk & the monsters since the stuff i wrote is long gone on my old computer. i Think my original idea was that they all live in the same building and salem accidentally mistakes sans&paps apartment for theirs one night after getting hurt really bad at their job. they end up Bustin Through while papyrus and sans have company over (undyne, alphys, & frisk) and pass out on the floor after squinting at everyone for a minute. the monsters patch them up and a very embarrassed salem says goodbye in the morning but continues to see sans and pap around the building and things progress from there.

that might be a dumb idea or kind of basic maybe though idk i just want to bounce some ideas off people :’-) also if nobody else wanted to read it i probably wouldnt bother typing it all out akaosjsodk anyhow thats all i can think of right now so in conclusion

[mairzymarzipan]

Night of the Full Moon Character Reviews: The Big Bosses(Minus Werewolf)

Hello again

I know I said I’d be talking about the Hunter, Old Mage, Fallen Priest and so on today, but I realized that those characters were actually more interesting in the context of other characters, so I put them off for later.  I decided instead to talk about the main bosses of the game, as it so happens, are the closest people to Red Riding Hood.  Because this game wants to be an ironicy soap opera/anime that way.

When I say Big Bosses, I mean that you always fight one of these characters at the end of the game.  Unless you’re like me and you start all over at the end because you’re bored and tired of all four of them playwise.

Werewolf

Wait, no, never mind.  This is another one of those characters who’s more interesting in the context of different, non-Red Riding Hood Characters.  We’re saving this boi for later.  But, you shouldn’t too surprised, if you read the title.  Instead, I’ll just use this space to talk about a mechanic.

Throughout the game, you can get ‘courage’ and ‘reputation’ points by talking to characters.  Very very generally speaking, you get courage points by doing brave things, and you get reputation points for doing nice things.  You also can get courage points when a character talks shit about the werewolf, and reputation points when a character talks shit about the witch.  So naturally, if you have more courage in the end, you get to fight the wolf, and if you have more reputation, you get to fight the witch.  I guess what they’re going for is only a meanie would fight this doggo?  And the witch is who any empathetic person would hate???

I feel like the latter is not the case, but more on that later.

Witch

“Only your Hope family can lift the dark magic curse.  This is what the priest is most afraid of.  That’s why monsters run wild on full moon nights. First they made your grandmother disappear and then they drew you into the forest...but they never anticipated that you would make it this far.”

By the way, you’re part of a prophecy.  Only someone in your family can lift the curse on the forest.  jsyk

Yeah so, as you see, the Witch’s description does not really tell us much about the witch herself.  This description also pretty unique in that none of the other character descriptions go into the second person like this.  The description also kind of hints that Red dies in the timeline where she fights the witch, so that’s depressing.

Nah, to figure out what the witch is about, you have to delve into the fragments around her. 

So, you actually do encounter the witch earlier in the game.  In the third or sometimes second chapter, she will recruit to find some magic apples she lost.  She makes a mention about suspecting a queen of stealing them.  The apples, I guess, are just lying around on the forest floor, and you bite into each of them bc you’re a dumb lkid.  Each apple changes your stats by a few points and the witch does not at all seem upset that you hand her a bunch of bitten fruit at the end.  In fact, she offers you the choice of two random buffs, so that’s fun.

You’re likely to hear about her way before that, though, depending on who you talk to.  Generally anyone who’s been cursed feels like it’s the witch’s fault.  

But if you choose to fight her(or you might not get a choice in the matter) she accuses you of stealing said apples.  She’ll also talk to you throughout the battle until you defeat her- a trait that only the big bosses and a few of the newer ones have.  Her lines...make her sound pretty unhinged.  She’s speaks of disbelief that you would do such a horrible thing, and threatens you with with her magic, and talks about how misunderstood she is.

When you defeat her, she’s got a really interesting line, tho.

“No!  I don’t want to fight you!  I can’t!”

Huh.

Before I move on, let me talk about this other witch character.

Yep.  That sure is the art style this game is going with.

So this is one of the shopkeepers.  There are four different shops you can find along the way, only two of which have characters you can see in them.  This character is known as the Witch Apothecary...but you can only see that on the outside of her store.  Otherwise she’s just called “Witch”.

The thing is, along the way, characters will talk about the Witch and, they don’t specify that it’s not the one with the white hair.  They just talk about The Witch like she’s the only witch that matters.  So is this woman not really a witch?  A witch wannabe?  Nah, we already have one of those characters.  Could it me that the shopkeepers don’t actually exist in the story of the game?  That would bum me out, bc there’s this lesbian owl I want to be real.

But...I think they’re the same person using shapeshifting.  Or if you want a really wild theory, maybe there are time travel hijinks and she’s the Magic Apprentice grown up.  But I’m going to go ahead with the former.

Anyhoo.  I like the witch.  I’m gonna give her 🍎🍎🍎🍎 four apples

Priest

“They mistakenly thought that on the full moon night they could help the monsters quietly eliminate Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother.  Once the Hope family was wiped out, the legend of lifting the curse on the Dark Forest would disappear completely.  However, they didn’t expect they would have to go personally and pay such a high price to fight their enemy. When the priest fell, the cursed monsters reverted to their human forms and the Dark Forest was no longer covered by snow all year round, but the church’s blind greed still remains.”

Again, not much is said about the priest himself.  The most interesting thing here is that he apparently is the keystone holding the curse together.  Interesting, because he seems to be letting the witch do all the work for him.  Usually in these stories, you have to kill the person who casts the spell to break the spell, not just their friend.  Is it because he, himself, is a stone?  That is to say, he turns into a statue sometimes.

Why the heck is he having her turn all his enemies into cartoon monsters instead of killing them, anyway?  Don’t tell it’s to make the game family friendly, bc in one of these timelines a child kills another child.  

Honestly, the priest/church just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.  His big plan is selling everybody from his town as slaves.  Gross.  And the way he accomplishes this is by...making it snow all the time, and turning people into vampires and fire bears?  What?

He is.  A delight to fight.  I’m being sarcastic.  He’s a religious edgelord who likes to go on about how humans are sinners and everyone deserves to be punished.  Also she cheats by turning into stone.  Eh.  

It feels like someone just spun a wheel for of evil traits and just stuck them together haphazardly.  His evil plan is...human trafficking!  His personality is...self righteous!  His means is...tf!  His super power is...turning into a statue!  

He’s the biggest of bads but also not that thought out.  He’s super important to the over-arching plot and yet I have no idea why this guy does what he does.  I’m gonna give him 🗽🗽 two statues.

Mystery Men

idek why this person is called “Mystery Men”.  I’m guessing it’s supposed to be mystery man?  Or mysterious person or something?  I know I haven’t talked about the art much but, I do appreciate how much their face looks like a dog snout and her hood looks like dog ears.  It’s a neat touch.

This description was actually changed.  The new text is longer and more awkwardly worded.  I don’t like it!  And I don’t get why it happened.

But, yeah.  The very last enemy of the game- who you can only reach by playing through at least four times and defeating all three others- is your Grandmother!  Le gasp!

So what exactly went wrong with her?  Oh, nothing, she just has a big wolf growing out of her back(told you the concept was backed up by canon)

Is this her daemon or patronus or something?  I have no idea.  I’ve been calling her a werewolf sometimes, tho, bc she’s better at being a werewolf than the titular werewolf.  Which is to say she can revive instead of just healing.  Her buffs and deck change throughout the fight.  She’s a long battle, fun, except for her ear piercing voice.  She sounds a bit possessed.

I’ll give her 👁️👁️👁️ three big eyes.  She’s a fun battle, but I always mute it.  Also not real big on how the text got changed for the worse.  But she does add some good details to the story.

In Conclusion... 

Grandma’s text tells us a few things.  

1. Not only is the Hope family connected to this prophecy, but family members actually have the power to control the curse.  That leads me to believe that the person who got the curse started was a Hope themself.  

2. The church came along long after the curse was in full swing.  So the priest is not responsible for it.  Whether he’s a Hope himself is not relevant.

We also know these things:

1. The witch is still the one casting all the tf spells, which is part of the curse.

2. There are two timelines were Red has a natural gift for magic

3. In the Little Witch timeline, the Witch is teaching Red magic.  On top of that she’s v patient, which is surprising, for some reason.

4. The Witch seems a little out of touch with reality.  She sends you to find apples, and then yells at you for stealing them.  Almost like she thinks you’re another person.

5. The witch verbally expresses her desire not to fight you when she realizes who you are.

I have to conclude that the Witch is a Hope.  A Hope who’s close enough to have a fondness for Little Red Riding Hood, and is invested in her well being/education.  And yanno, is turns her enemies into pig people because she can.  

She helps you on your quest by giving you one of her own.  But earlier on, she takes on the form of the other witch offer you potions and the like.  She even gives you the first one in each chapter for free.

“My potions can change your appearance!”

Of course she can’t get too close to you.  She can’t reveal that she’s helping you.  Hence putting on a new face when she’s a ‘good’ witch.  One wonders if she’s trying to hide her identity from you, or the people she’s allied with.

Hey can we look at her description again?

Red doesn’t get addressed in the second person in any of the other descriptions.  There is a character who talks about his life in the first person, and we’ll get to him.  But this is odd to me.

What if Red isn’t being addressed here?  What if it’s someone else?  What if it’s the Witch?

What if the Witch was captured and ensnared in the priest’s plot?  What if he messed with her memory?  So then who is she?  Red’s sister?  It seems like she’s been working with the church a lot longer than Grandma’s been missing.  Also Grandma went into the woods on her own accord.  You could say that the grief the church caused her *made* her go out, but it seems weak.

So maybe a Hope in another generation, who lost her grandmother to- either the church or monsters?  Was it this other Grandmother who *started* the curse?

Dude, what if she’s your Mom?

What if instead of killing her the priest did...something...scared her enough to get her to work for him.  And messed with her memory so she couldn’t conceive a way out?  And sort of had her transfer the power of the curse to him so that people had to kill him to break it?

What if he had the Church Doctor scoop her brain out and put it in another lady’s head?  Who knows.

I’m not certain about the witch being your mom.  I think I would like that to be the case because it’s fun, but I’m not quite convinced yet.  I AM certain, tho, that the Witch is a Hope, and she cares about you.  She’s not just this cackling meanie turning people into flowers.  She’s...complicated.  And she needs help just as much as all the trapped monsters.

[starleska]

i'm not even being patient, you simply respond to all of my asks more than quickly enough <3!! they're pretty long so again, take your time ^^!! therapy can be sooo exhausting so please remember to take care of yourself nd everything <33!

i was talking about a TOTALLY different old man HAHAHA i've been watching a lot of ducktales 2017 and grew fond of both scrooge n flintheart through it lmaoooo,, especially the latter has very few redeeming qualities and is supposed to be insufferable but like,, im in love with the blorbo version of him that lives in my brain, LMAO

ohhh you just know he would REFUSE to do the animation if anyone else was obviously watching the screen as well- it's just for you <33! i imagine he wouldn't do it either if you're recording it, because he wants it to be only for you haha,, you think very hard about the unlock conditions for the specific animation but it seems completely random! oh well. (totally self indulgent note here but i am silly in public for a living and would totally blow a kiss back @ the animation or smth LMAO) and!!! ill look forward to seeing it!!! id reblog it but i only rlly have writing blogs on tumblr ughhhh maybe i should just finally make a selfship ramble one lol

the true sadness is that king candy never showed up in the second movie man </3 the chaos he'd wreck on the internet would've been very much entertaining LMAO !!! i'm glad you enjoy the phone idea as well :D!! you just randomly find notes from him in your tumblr drafts or your notes app! he'd be constantly watching you through your front camera and if he's unhappy with someone he sees, your phone will just start vibrating VIOLENTLY nonstop lmao. also something silly i immediately thought of; i don't know if this is something you're familiar with but in some dating sim apps you'll have like this little minigame where you can like poke the love interest and they'll have these little responses? god. brainrot. i would just poke his bald little head man HAHAHHAHAH

my asks just get keeping longer thank u for reading all this and hearing me out TT i should just write a little fic about this guy already but man english is NOT my native language and he speaks in a pretty specific silly way sometimes that i do not know how to replicate well,, doesn't help that ive only watched the english version once vs. the many other times ive seen it haha

hello again you lovely individual!! once again i must apologise for my delayed response. i received some pretty big news this week that's left me not so well, and i wanted to come back and reply properly when in a better frame of mind. thank you for your patience 🥰

OHHH oh my god you are so damn valid for this, i always thought Scrooge was kinda fine 😳 capitalists just hit different! and Flintheart is a GILF i'm not gonna lie 😂😂 Ducktales 2017 just gets you by the throat!! i remember being so head over heels for Gyro Gearloose (basic bitch that i am)…kind of interested in rewatching to see if another bastard catches my attention…but for real, isn't it wonderful when you love a truly dreadful character? whatever version you have of him in your head, i'm sure he likes you very much 😉

ahhh i feel all special 😖💖 honestly going a little down the darker path i kind of vibe with Y/N questioning their reality the more time they spend noticing these special animations…wondering if they're losing touch with their sanity, and becoming gradually more obsessed with figuring out exactly what it is about this arcade cabinet and its enigmatic, unique character…also hell yes!! you should absolutely make the selfship ramble blog, it'll make you feel so happy 💖💖 i admire those of you who can separate your blogs out, i just pour out my silly loves into one place and all my poor followers have to deal with the blorbo of the week 😂

we'll never recover will we 💔💔 like for real Ralph Breaks the Internet makes me sad for its lost narrative potential…if not King Candy, then there were several perfectly good character candidates to be put into a fantastic antagonistic role!! to truly show the power (and horror) of the internet!! the vibrating phone idea is so cute dfgfds;;; perhaps he could even track into your friend's social media and send them fake messages/texts to get them to leave. oh YES i knew someone very into…was it Mystic Messenger? that had that mechanic and oh it's adorable :3c

thank YOU for sending these lovely asks in and gushing about our favourite sweet-themed hacker!! i'm so sorry for being a boring monolingual person - you could and should totally write him in your native language!! do you have any clips? i love seeing how characters have been portrayed in different ways, and i'm curious if Alan Tudyk's lisping mob boss vibe has been carried across 👀

[doctor-desi]

Alrighty, for the Angst Questions: 3, 6, 15, 19, 25 and 30; and the Quesiton About Creating Your OCs: 1, 3, 8, 9,12, 13, 19. (Sorry if they're too many, answer as many as you want!!)

HAHAHAHA! I ANSWERED THEM ALL! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ALL THE BLAINE KNOWLEDGE YOU COULD EVER WANT (jk there is probably more but this is still a lot... so be prepared)

Angst Questions: 

3 Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them?

I have never actually thought about this question for them before, because at least a few generations of their family have lived in Saker Keep. I imagine at some point she has lost a grandparent, but same with her parents I feel she isn’t super close to her older family members. She’d still mourn, be there for her family members that were closer to them, and respect them for who they were in life. But in terms of her changing because she lost them, I just don’t really think she would change at all. If it was the first death she experienced she might come to respect the ideals in rituals for those passing on. Like learn to make peace with the death of others. But it wouldn’t really be life-altering for her. (However I can’t say the same if she were ever to lose Ms. A, her siblings or any of the gang. If one of them all died, then she might break down and become kind of numb for a bit. She just has no real idea how to deal with a super impactful death since she isn’t super close to the majority of her family. 

6 Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?

Oof, okay another thinker. Hmm, well here is the thing. I came up with this idea that her parents own the general store type shop in the area (cause I need it for when we go there for reasons). So as a kid, I can imagine her being there a lot, and maybe one time she accidentally takes something. Someone not from town catches her and drags her to her parents saying she stole, and her parents just shake their heads, explain she is their kid and berate her. She has a pretty good moral compass besides that, so unless she does something on accident, or something she wasn’t taught bad, then she would not purposely commit a crime or do something she felt was wrong. She just doesn’t like going against what she knows as right, so she would never do something bad on purpose. 

15 What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Well from the campaign, she is defiantly scared of dogs and heights. Id almost say that she is also kind of scared of water now, or maybe the unknown of what is under the water more? Cause of what happened when they are on the ship. I think her BIGGEST fear though would be like her insecurities and messing those up… which I’ll talk about in your next one actually! And how she acts.. well that depends. If it is something like someone dying where she couldn’t do anything, then she’d like break down and become almost a shell of who she was, really numb to the outside. If its something else, like something she could change in the moment, she would take action to remove herself from the situation or remove the thing that is causing her fear. Either way, whatever it is would likely stay in her mind a long time, she tends to overthink things in general, and this would be no different.

19 What is your character insecure about?

Okay, so there are a few of these I believe. First and foremost, she is insecure about her abilities and has the fears of disappointing those around her. She grew up in a small town and although she doesn’t doubt Ms. A’s teaching abilities, she is worried she will not be enough in times of danger. That kinda leads to another insecurity that she will not be able to protect those she’s grown to care for. She is scared that those around her will die and she will not be able to do anything to prevent it.  Another insecurity she has is about herself and her past. Since her family history is partly a mystery to her, she is kind of almost unsure of who she is as a person. Like she knows who she wants to be as a person, but she doesn’t know who she is through who her family were if that makes sense… Yeah, she might have more too, she kind of really hides her insecurities and doesn’t let people know about them much. OH! Another one is she is insecure about who and how she trusts. After the mask incident she kind of doubts her ability to read people and situations as to whether they are real and should be trusted. Okay… I think I got most of them.

25 Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them?

Oh yeah. She doesn’t show it at all but she super does (kinda mentioned above). She feels like she is not enough a lot of the time, so she does like approval from others. Knowing what others think (especially if it is good) makes her feel more secure like she knows what she is doing is right or wrong. 

30 What makes them feel safe or secure? What makes them feel insecure or unsafe?

Honestly what makes her feel safe and secure is being home. Being out of her little town makes her feel unprepared and a little scared, but also really excited which is why she set out in the first place. Knowing what is going on in a situation makes her feel safe, having a weapon, basically having control or a strong understanding makes her secure. What makes her insecure or unsafe is the unknown, though like I said before she also gets excited (idk its king of like how some people get watching horror movies). Um… having to face her fears and stuff, I don’t know really, she just likes to know things so not knowing kinda makes her uncomfortable.

Questions About Creating Your OCs:

1 What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

Ooookay… honestly I have no idea. I want to say that I wanted to play a dragon born first? But it also could have been that I wanted to play a sorcerer. It was one of those though I believe. I think maybe the latter cause I wanted to play a magical character, so I looked through the different types and settled on a sorcerer cause they were KINDA both fighting and magic.

3 How did you choose their name? 

Yeah… this one I don’t have a super fancy long answer. The name popped in my head and would not go away so I was like “Okay, Blaine it is then.” … yeahhhhh thats pretty much it.

8 What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story? 

For what I relate to in their character I’ll answer in the next one (spoilers its pretty much everything). However for the story I can say nothing really. I’m an only child while Blaine has two siblings. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents while Blaine had an okay one but didn’t interact with them much. I guess I kind of had a traumatic experience when I was younger? But its not like it unlocked any magic abilities… I wish. I didn’t have one specific mentor though I had some pretty good teachers growing up…. Yeah nothing in the story really is related to me, character though is a completely different story.

9 Are they based off of you, in some way? 

Yes, completely yes. I mean, I’m not a dragon born sorcerer, but in terms of personality (besides Blaine being a little more extroverted) we are pretty much the same. I base a lot of how she acts and reacts and stuff like that based on how I would, so as a person, Blaine is pretty much me aside from a few details.

12 What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

Hahahaha… the fact that I made her a dragon born and I CANNOT DRAW DRAGONS TO SAVE MY LIFE. LIKE IDK HOW AT ALL SO I CANT EVEN DRAW HER IF I WANTED TO. So, yeah drawing has become frustrated where when I even try I get so sick of it I can’t do it anymore. Writing though is great! Ive began writing a lot more short stories and I love it! Im actually in the middle of writing a couple of things with her and the gang and I’m really excited to post them :)

13 How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all? 

Um… well Im not entirely sure how far canon will go really so… not entirely sure. At one point I did have her death planned, but that even has changed and I don’t even have a concrete idea for it. I suppose I kind of planned a little farther in her future when she is older, but not much besides she keeps helping people as long as she is physically able.

19 What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Mm, okay I have two really and they are both super stupid silly things, but you asked. One is that Blaine is the Door Killer™. She has and will destroy all the doors with a single blow. And the other is that she always will have a multitude of daggers on her. Even as a kid she found/had daggers so much that her siblings stopped trying to take them from her and instead just taught her how to handle them safely.

[jaehd]

08. do you dirty. | pjm

warnings; angst with slight smut, jimin’s an asshole, but reader is karma.

word count; 1466

a/n; based on this tweet and kehlani’s do u dirty. you fuck jimin over if u don’t want to read i dont blame u. i didnt know how to end this but id be down to write a part 2 djksjsjk

Park Jimin was like stone. His mind was hard to get to, and none of his previous partners ever managed to break through his strong demeanor and see the soft side. In fact, most people, including Jimin, were convinced that that side of him simply didn’t even exist.

He didn’t feel anything when he was caught in bed with someone other than his significant other. Only feeling annoyed when he was kicked out onto the street by a wailing girl saying something about trust.

Jimin liked the concept of monogamy enough to keep entertaining relationships, but never enough to stay faithful. He liked having someone at home waiting for him, someone he could text or call when he wanted to talk, someone to eat meals with. But sexually, monogamy was just boring to him.

That was, of course, until he met you.

It started off just like any other relationship he had before. A month in however was when it started going downhill. Downhill being a subjective term. He started to pay attention to quirks you had and your interests, something he’s never done before. You somehow caught on and warned him in a way that relieved him yet sent chills of fear down his spine.

“Let’s keep this casual and open. Keep your feelings to yourself, I could fuck you up.” Relief, because he wasn’t expected to put his all into the relationship. Dread because he kind of wanted to put his all into the relationship. He agreed though, with a fake smile and clenched fists that he didn’t even realize were clenched until the pain of his fingernails indenting his skin registered.

You were a strange thing for him. The previously mentioned distaste for sex with whoever he was dating switched because he couldn’t get enough of you. Maybe it was because you were more like him than any previous partner. Jimin always preferred someone innocent. Someone who he could, for lack of better words, ruin.

The thought of you more than likely having the upper hand in the relationship scared him more than he’d care to admit. He realized early on that what attracted him was having control and experience in an inexperienced relationship. The same thing that probably attracted you too.

He had gotten nothing more from you today than a text saying “I’m coming over” half an hour ago. You didn’t contact him too much, and he always wondered what you were doing during those long silent intervals.

A knock sharp and quick knock sounded on the door, indicating that you were here. The door was unlocked so you made your way in when Jimin made no move to answer the door himself.

“Hey,” Jimin, bored out of his mind, greeted. You mumbled your greetings in return before flopping on his couch next to him. He looked down at your body, hands reaching down to touch it wherever he wanted, you made no move to stop him. Jimin was definitely a ‘fuck-when-I’m-bored’ type of guy but you couldn’t complain.

“How was your day?” you asked. His hands were on your hips, his lips on your neck but you didn’t let it get you too heated. You not having a reaction to his intimacy was a definite blow to his pride and it just made him try even harder.

“It was alright. Better now that you’re here, though,” he replied, a coy smirk revealing itself to you. You knew his words held no power and you were okay with that. This is a script for him. Make his partner think they’re special, get a quick fuck, and then wash, rinse, repeat, with all of their friends.

But what you didn’t know was that his script was improvised when it came to you. He still couldn’t put his finger on how or why you were different, but something erupted in him when he looked in your eyes. Something so foreign to him he thought he was sick the first time it happened.

His lips sucked on your neck with fury and passion, the latter emotion coming out only for moments at a time. There were surely going to be marks tomorrow but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty eventful actually,” you said knowing that he would zone out during your rambling, “I got breakfast with my mom this morning. Did a little bit of furniture shopping for the new apartment. Met up with that Taehyung kid, then I came here,” you listed, not treating any plan as out of the ordinary. Jimin however, caught the part about Taehyung.

“Kim Taehyung? Why did you meet up with him?” he questioned, halting his movements and focusing his full attention on your words now.

“Why does it matter? He just helped me put together some furniture.”

“I could have helped you do that.”

“And?” your disregard of his offer caught him off guard. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling exactly. Most likely jealousy, but he’d rather die than admit it.

He knew he wasn’t the only man you were seeing, but he’d never really thought about it until right now. The thought of someone touching you the way he touches you, in the same places he touches you infuriated him to no end.

“I can help you break it in if you want.” He suggested, trying to hide his rage.

“No need. Taehyung already helped me.” You whispered into his ear. His face turned beet red, not with embarrassment but with anger. He untangled your limbs from his and hastily stood up, you watched on in amusement.

“What are you doing? Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything but sitting here.” you shot back.

“You know what you’re doing and you know it’s pissing me off.” He seethed. The fire in his eyes was unmistakably present and while most people would be nervous at the sight of such an expression, this was entertaining to you.

“Stop overthinking things. You’re making yourself mad over nothing.” You said nonchalantly, reaching over to grab your phone off the coffee table. Jimin stopped you when he snatched the phone out of your hand and tossed it blindly off to the side.

“Excuse me?” You said finally standing up and looking at him head-on. “What the fuck is your problem?!” You asked, your voice sounding stressed and rough.

“We're talking. Why are you fucking Taehyung now?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You're mine.”

“I'm not. And you aren't mine either. We aren't like that with anybody.” You said, not breaking eye contact with him.

“You're different.” He said softly, a complete change of tone from his previous, possessive demeanor. He began to look around the room at nothing in particular, just trying to avoid your gaze.

“I'm not.” You said. He shut his eyes at your words. He looked as vulnerable as he possibly could and most people's morals would will them to comfort him but you felt nothing looking at him. You thought this whole thing was just a waste of time. “What? You're gonna get all in your feelings because someone has been leading you on and doesn't like you back? That's pretty ridiculous.” You said using his own actions against him.

His eyes trailed up to meet yours and you could see that they were wet with tears but you knew that he was doing everything in his power to not cry right now. “You can honestly say that you don't like me back? Really?” He asked.

You shrugged, “Sorry for making it seem like I did.” You cocked your head to the side seeing him turn his back to you. His shoulders were tense and the situation was becoming more and more awkward the more time that passed. You decided to wait for a couple of minutes to see if he was going to say anything, to see if he would fight back.

You heard your phone ding from its spot on the floor. Jimin was too deep in thought to even notice it. You walked over to retrieve it, noticing it was just a text from your mother asking if you'd already eaten lunch.

“If we're done here, Taehyung's waiting for me.” You bluffed, seeing Jimin tense up even more at the mention of the other boy's name. He shook his head before walking down the hallway towards his room, mumbling swears along the way. He slammed the door once he got there, something you thought was ridiculous. Gathering up the few things you brought with you, you walked out of the apartment, not sure where to go from here.