#posting a lot of things today because the nap reorganized my brain

[entomo-maniac]

I think it would be nice if Qīngyù and Báiyù in their dragon form also had fins, like pelvic fins and pectoral fins. They are marine beings, after all.

[system-of-a-feather]

Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

[howellrichard]

10 Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Make You Feel Better

Hiya Gorgeous!

There’s no doubt about it—what’s happening in the world is exponentially increasing our stress levels. We’re collectively facing fear, uncertainty, loneliness and grief as we witness and experience the pain happening around us.

And on top of that, we don’t have access to all of our usual comforts and coping mechanisms, like grabbing a bite with a friend or sweating it out at the gym. As a result, we may end up reaching for other, less healthy ways to cope.

For me, that looks like getting lax about my beloved morning routine because, right now, sleeping often seems easier than facing the day ahead. I’m also spending more time on my devices and the 24/7 news cycle is pulling at me like a bonafide addiction. And if I’m being totally honest, the occasional glass of red wine has NOT been occasional. Can you relate?

I know from experience that when I get to this place, it’s time to step outside of the emotional tornado and parent my scared inner kid. And to do that, I need to get back to routines and behaviors that lift my energy (and my immunity!) rather than deplete it.

So today, we’re exploring the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. You’ll learn how to identify the habits that aren’t serving you and replace them with positive, loving alternatives.

Before we dive in, I just want to make one thing very clear: This is not a call to scrutinize all of your behaviors or beat yourself up. There’s nothing right or wrong about the behaviors we’re about to discuss. We just want to explore whether they’re really serving you by helping you take genuine care of your sweet self. That’s what really matters.

Also, if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, now may be the time to get professional help—which you can thankfully receive online. Check out this blog for mental health resources to reduce anxiety and boost happiness.

Are your coping practices comforting or numbing?

Healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms can look very similar on the surface: a tasty meal, a glass of wine, an hour of Netflix. So it really comes down to the intention behind the action and how it ultimately makes you feel. Simply put: Are you using it to comfort or to numb?

Comforting fills up your spiritual tank and makes you feel relaxed and content. You come to the practice with the aim of feeling better and being good to yourself—and stop when you’re satisfied.

On the flip side, unhealthy coping leaves you numb. You might resort to the habit too frequently or without intentionality—and you’re left without any real relief or resolution.

See the difference? Same glass of wine, two totally different outcomes. Now let’s talk about some common habits that can become unhealthy coping mechanisms—and how to tell when you’ve drifted from comforting to numbing.

Comfort Foods That Don’t Actually Comfort

Numbing with food doesn’t make you feel good, and if you’re consistently eating to forget feelings in the first place, that’s a red flag. You might notice a feeling of disconnection or absence, and no matter what or how much you eat, you’re left empty or unsettled.

Conversely, when you truly comfort yourself with food, you feel deep-down nourished. You find peace and connection as you prep your meal. You savor while you eat. Whether it’s a cookie or a carrot, true comfort food connects you with yourself, a sweet memory or the people you’re eating with. It leaves you feeling satisfied and maybe even grateful.

Increased Alcohol Consumption

If you find yourself reaching for more drinks than usual (and more often than usual), that’s something to pay attention to. Especially if you’re sipping in response to a negative emotion. That could be a sign that you’re drinking to numb instead of for the pure enjoyment of it!

That being said, enjoying an occasional glass of wine or your favorite cocktail can be a healthy part of your routine. Just remember that when it comes to libations, less is better. One to three drinks per week is a good guideline for men and women. And take note of how you feel before, during and after that drink.

Burying Yourself in Work

Are you working more than usual? And I’m not just talking about what you do for a living—chores and housework are work, too. In times of stress, our boundaries can blur, so watch out for filling all of your “down” time with to-dos (I call this putter rest—watch a video about it here!).

On the other hand, work can be a fun, healthy way to occupy ourselves if we keep it in balance. If you want to tackle reorganizing your closet or scrub your windows for spring, go for it! Just don’t do it 24/7 or forget to take time to relax, too.

News and Social Media Binging

This one hits close to home for me! Staying tuned in can make us feel safer and more in control, but there’s an upper limit to what’s really healthy and helpful. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re scrolling. Are you using social media to escape your reality? Is the news adding to your fear, sadness or confusion during this crisis? If so, it might be time to set some boundaries.

On the flip side, if your online engagement makes you feel more informed, inspired or connected (particularly when we’re unable to connect in person), then more power to ya! Extra points if it makes you laugh or gives you the warm fuzzies, like this.

Meanwhile in #amsterdam! NO CORONA FOR ME!! #covid19 #coronavirus #quarantine #safehands #selfcare #fyp #foryou #thenetherlands #trash

Posted by JoAnne Lopes on Thursday, March 19, 2020

Again, all of these habits can have neutral outcomes. Munching, sipping, working and spending time on your phone can be great. Just be attentive to whether they’re making you feel comforted and happy, or numb and hollow. That’s the difference.

10 Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Try Instead

Now that we’ve covered some of the habits that can become unhealthy coping mechanisms, let’s talk about some positive alternatives based on my 5 Pillars of Wellness. (AKA optimizing what you’re eating, drinking and thinking, and how you’re resting and renewing. Get more background here!)

What You’re Eating

Create a cooking ritual. Cooking can be a chore—or it can be a meditative act of self-love. Don your apron, turn on some tunes and have fun with it! The recipes don’t have to be fancy—check out these healthy snack ideas or peruse my recipe library for inspiration.

Take yourself on a date. Doesn’t matter if you’re on your own or have company—treat yourself to a date night in. Light a candle, use your good dishes… maybe even get dressed up! You know yourself best, so do whatever you’ll most enjoy. This is an easy, fun way to break up your routine while we’re unable to dine out.

What You’re Drinking

Take a break from booze and make a mocktail instead. Mix up a yummy mocktail like this refreshing Herbal Elixir and serve it in a martini glass. Put some cucumbers on your eyes and suddenly you’ve got yourself a booze-free staycation!

If you’re looking for a way to wind down before bed, have a caffeine-free tea ceremony! Put on some calming music, light your favorite candle and indulge in a cup of herbal tea. (Take some deep breaths while you’re at it!)

What You’re Thinking

Fill your feed with positivity (and tune in intentionally). Seek out news and media that make you smile, teach you something new or inspire you. For example, I love following @bymariandrew and @positivelypresent (and may I recommend @crazysexykris?!). When you do tune in, do it with intention. For me, that means limiting my device time so I’m not endlessly scrolling.

Explore a new interest. Instead of trying to manage your mind all day long, turn it loose on a beautiful new outlet. Learn to play an instrument, become an expert on ancient civilizations, dust off your paints or colored pencils, or set up an obstacle course for your dog (or cat!)… whatever brings you some joy and healthy distraction.

How You’re Resting

Get plenty of high-quality sleep. Sleep strengthens your immunity and your ability to cope with stress, so hit the off switch on time and head to bed. (Find tips to help you sleep better here!) And don’t hesitate to take a nap if you need it—we’re dealing with a lot of change right now, so give your brain and body a chance to recuperate.

Rest your spirit, too. Remember what I said about putter rest? Make sure you’re giving yourself space to breathe and get grounded throughout the day. Meditating is a great way to do that, so I hope you’ll check out my free Instant Stress Reduction guided meditation!

How You’re Renewing

Move your body, even if exercise looks a little different these days. Many studios and gyms are offering online classes right now. I’m also a big fan of obé’s on-demand invigorating workouts and go to Yoga with Adriene when I’m in the mood for something gentler. Try to get some outdoor movement if you can (or just stand by your window for a few minutes if you can’t). Fresh air and sunlight are incredibly healing!

Pause to play. Don’t forget the renewing power of fun and friendship! Find some fun at home: Dance in your kitchen, build a fort with your kids or play chase with your pooch. And don’t let the distance disconnect you. Read your grandkids a story over FaceTime or have Sunday night dinner with your crew over Zoom. Play a boardgame with friends from afar using an app like Houseparty or catch up on your favorite show with Netflix Party!

It’s time to discover what works for you.

I hope these healthy coping mechanisms bring you some comfort and joy whenever you’re facing extra stress, especially right now. And remember what I said earlier, coping skills aren’t inherently good or bad. That’s way too much pressure to put on something we reach for when we’re struggling!

The difference between healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms comes down to how they make you feel, both in the moment AND in the long term. So let’s set aside judgement and focus on what feels healing and comforting and GOOD. Because ya know what? You deserve to feel good, sweetheart.

Your turn: What’s the healthiest way you’ve been coping lately? Any unhealthy coping mechanisms you want to reconsider?

Peace & comfort,

The post 10 Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Make You Feel Better appeared first on KrisCarr.com.