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beauty-and-passion · 2 years ago

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Eurovision 2023: the show of unfairness and the triumph of people’s hearts

My god, this year left me exhausted.

It’s 1:30 am, the Eurovision Grand Final just ended and I am starting to write this post now, because I need some time to calm myself before going to bed. And maybe putting down some thoughts about this year will help me find some peace - at least for a couple hours.

This year has not been what was supposed to be, starting from the show and ending with the winner.

But let’s start from the beginning.

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Ukraine: robbed of their own show

We all know Ukraine couldn’t host Eurovision in their country because of the war, so they asked the UK to do that.

And the UK tried to be a good host. They reminded us of the reason why Ukraine couldn’t do it, they tried to call Ukrainian artists and make the show about them... only to systematically forget it two minutes later and start acting as if they won and this was their show.

I hope now you understand why last year I said to not give them power over anything. The UK has a tiny little problem called “massive ego” and if you give them a little crumb, they will immediately scarf the whole cake down.

This year should’ve been 70% Ukraine themed and 30% UK themed. What we had instead was the other way around: the UK gave us a tiny little interval show in the semifinals about Ukraine, then a massive show all about the UK.

The Gran Final has been the icing on this disgusting cake. It started with a bang, featuring all of our favourite Ukrainian artists in the span of five minutes: Tina Karol (I had no idea she was Ukrainian, what a nice surprise!), goddess Verka, my beloved Go_A with The Only Queen That Matters, aka Kateryna Pavlenko. And, of course, our favourite winners: the Kalush Orchestra. Man Carpet is still an icon and I still wonder what the singer sees behind that pink hat, but I don’t care. It’s perfect, it’s great, I want this but 200x more. I want them to steal the show, I want them in all interval acts. But no worries, I’m sure they will definitely appear more during the final. I mean, there’s no way the UK called them just to appear for 20 seconds, right? Right?

Oh sorry, my bad. I forgot this isn’t Ukraine’s show, this is UK’s show. We should definitely have Sam Ryder in the interval act and we should definitely make it all about English songs. I mean, it’s not like there are four of the most beloved Ukrainian artists in Liverpool. Let’s make it all a huge masturbation session of the UK instead.

I apologize if my metaphor offended someone, but this is what I felt while watching the UK celebrating itself. Like... can’t you do this in a private room? Do I really have to watch it? This is just one step below Portugal’s show, which showed a massive ego as well and tortured me for three nights straight, by repeating how cool they were and how nice they were and how I would’ve done a great choice visiting them.

But even if that was torture, at least Portugal was the winner of the previous year, not a host masturbating over the fact they are allowed to host a show they didn’t win.

The only choice I fully approve of in this show is the postcards idea: that was very elegant and respectful and I want to thank the person who thought about it. The cards show Ukraine’s beautiful places, UK’s beautiful places and every country’s beautiful places. It’s all beautiful and it’s a great way to both honor Ukraine and emphasize UK’s hosting role, since it looks almost like the UK acts as a “connection” between Ukraine and every other country.

Unfortunately for us, this is the last proof of elegance we will see for the rest of the show.

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Danemark and Poland: robbed even before starting

Do you remember Danemark’s and Poland’s entries? I know, me neither. Bland, forgetful, two huge balls of nothing.

Well, I have a good news and a bad one. The good one is that Danish and Polish people are not insane and their musical tastes are actually way better than this. The bad news is that the two entries we got (Bejba and Tiktokkid) were not supposed to win their country’s competition, because the public’s favourites were different. But, like, VERY different.

Same thing happened last year for Spain, but at least Chanel was able to put on a great show - even if her song was boring. Danemark and Poland didn’t have that either: one gave us a meme, the other gave us nothing. Disappointing.

So let’s clean Danemark’s and Poland’s names, by listening to the artists they were actually supposed to bring. Let’s start with Danemark and please, tell me if the tiktok kid is better than this (if you dare):

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And before you think: “oh my gosh, this could’ve been a great entry for Danemark!”, please listen to what Poland was supposed to bring:

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I love this song. I love this cute nice boy. I love the classical vibes. And when I played this song for my father, my 70-year-old father told me, with no hesitation: “Oh, this is way better than the other one!”.

So if a 70-year-old can recognize how good this song is, then there’s no generational gap and it’s not true that people are accustomed to the same boring stuff. If a song is good, is good. If a song is bland, is bland.

By now you probably already heard from Polish people about how the voting system of their competition was rigged and how Blanka won thanks to the power of nepotism. So our duty as Europeans (and as people with some fucking taste) is to stream Gladiator, listen to all of his songs and shower this boy with love because he needs to know the world loves him.

And for you all, Polish people: thank you for making us know about your true winner. He really looks like one and we love him too.

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Germany: robbed while trying

I really cannot understand why people keep hating Germany this much. Is it still because of WW2? What did they do, to deserve the bottom of the chart? I know it’s funny, I know it’s for the memes ah ah ah, but also... come on. Come. On. Are you really telling me that Poland was better than Germany? Are you really telling me that the UK was better than Germany?

I can assure you that if Sweden brought this exact same song, the jury would’ve given this song 300 points. But hey, ThE jUrY iS iMpArTiAl, right?

German people: I don’t know why the world hates you. I think you would’ve gotten more votes, if only the system wasn’t so stupidly rigged and forced everyone to choose one winner only, hoping to defeat the jury’s sheer power. Personally, I enjoyed your song and I enjoyed Lord of the Lost and I will definitely listen to more of their songs to add to my playlist.

However, I also understand your frustration. So you know what? Just go nuts. Choose whoever the fuck you want to represent your country, attend Eurovision whenever you want and do whatever you want, give us insane shit and amazing stuff. You will be treated the same either way, so why give a fuck? Have fun showing your insane side, I will support you 100%.

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Italy and Israel: what did they ever do to deserve these places?

As an Italian, I am honored people gave so many votes to Italy. Seriously, thank you all, nice to know people appreciate our singers.

But also: why so many votes? Why? I know Mengoni is a good singer, he has a great voice and if this was a real singing competition he would’ve probably deserved to win.

But since Eurovision is not a singing competition, why all these points? Were people really so in love with this ballad? Why? What does he have I cannot understand?

Even more important: why Israel, with their stupid unicorn song, got all these votes? Why? Is it because she’s good-looking? Seriously? Are we still stuck thinking with our genitals, instead of using our brains? I thought Europe moved past the need of thinking with genitals only and started developing some good fucking taste.

Or did her amazing “dance moves” get the public? Ok, she’s very flexible... but do I really really have to remind you of Chanel? A small dance segment is really worth so many points, when last year we had someone who was able to sing AND dance as she did for the entire song? I didn’t even like Chanel, but I am mature enough to recognize that THAT was a show, while the unicorn lady did nothing more than a small dance. Definitely not worth 185 public votes.

At least I know that my country didn’t go insane and the true points (aka the public’s points) didn’t go to the unicorn but to Moldova. Thank god, we are still able to recognize what’s good.

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Finland: the real winner

When Eurovision started, I was sure Czechia would’ve been the winner. However, their performance wasn’t enough to grant them victory.

Finland, however, had everything a winner needs. And now I will explain to you why, because I love this funky green man and you should love him too.

1) “A little man from Vantaa”

Käärijä is a rare gem, not just for Eurovision, but in general. He’s a simple, genuine, silly guy, who comes from a city few people knew before. He doesn’t speak English too well, but he tries and fails in comically sweet ways. He’s a huge fan of Rammstein, so he’s a man of culture. He became besties with Bojan from the Slovenian band Joker Out and their bromance has been the best part of this Eurovision: these two share one single braincell and I love them for this.

But, most of all, he’s humble. He never considered himself above all others, even after his victory. He knew right from the start that it would’ve been a battle between him and Loreen and yet, he never grew arrogant about it. He always talked about their rivalry in funny ways, through memes and by treating her nicely. But he also never underestimated her: he always put his whole self into every performance, knowing full well he had to give everything, to reach the public’s hearts.

And he did. He reached the public’s hearts and like many others all over the world, I also love this little man. He’s genuine, he’s honest, he’s a fashion icon (Finland changes their flag to green when), his dancers are funky and nice like him. You look at him once and all you can think is: “I want to protect him at all costs”. It’s just impossible to hate this man.

2) His song is a banger

Not only his song is a fusion of three genres (industrial metal, hyperpop and hip-hop/rap), so he’s already serving you three songs in one, but the language he used is Finnish.

I’ve heard Finnish people saying that they never used their language because it’s “too weird”. People, that’s exactly because it’s weird that you should use it! You have this gem and you hide it to us?!

If you don’t know why Finnish is so great, please consider that while all other European languages are part of the Indo-European family, Finnish, Estonian and Hungarian are not. They are part of a completely different family (the Uralic languages).

That means they have nothing similar to any other European language. They are something completely different and new, a whole new world to explore. And they’re here, in our continent!

In addition to that, Finnish is an agglutinative language, which means words are formed by stringing together morphemes. How fucking cool is that? I love this kind of language!

As someone who studied English, French, German and Russian, Finnish is something that gets my attention. I can recognize similarities between Germanic, Slavic and Italic languages and I love them, but Finnish is an unexplored world. It’s made of sounds that well, sound familiar even if they’re not. It’s a constant surprise, you know?

Also, I love that it’s a language full of vowels because it makes me think of my own mother tongue (Italian). It’s a bit like feeling at home, even if our languages have nothing in common <3

3) The best performance of Eurovision 2023

I love the Croatian daddies like the next person (and I’m glad the public gave them the top 10 because they deserve it), but Käärijä’s performance had everything: it told us a story (i.e. how Käärijä slowly emerges from behind his barriers to join the party), he gave us the best stupid dance moves and there’s even a family-friendly human centipede. What else do you need, to start dancing?

Also, another shoutout to his dancers, because I live for those shocking pink dresses and for their immensely creepy expressions. And I live for the public always welcoming them with screams: they deserve it.

I know you already enjoyed it 200 times, but you know what? Let’s fucking destroy the views of this video and let’s watch it again. And also, let’s notice how much the public enjoys it. How much they screamed, how they sang with him, how they enjoyed this party.

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Even without knowing Käärijä, you can feel he put his whole self into this. And the public felt it too.

And the final result was astonishing: he got 376 points from the public. It’s the second-highest public score, after Kalush Orchestra, who got 439 points.

If you notice, Käärijä’s percentage is even higher than Kalush Orchestra’s! And such a high result means one thing and one thing only: the public has chosen its winner. He is the winner. People are sovereign and people’s will has been very clear about it. So when I say he’s the winner, it’s not because I want to indulge him: it’s because it’s the fucking truth.

Also, please notice the kind of songs the public chose as their top 3 favorites: songs with nothing mainstream and native languages. All while the jury thinks what we want is the same boring shit we can hear on the radio 24/7.

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A painful evening

Let me start by making something clear: I don’t hate Loreen and I don’t hate Sweden. It’s not their fault if they win. They are just exploiting the situation, because they learned what the good formula is and keep using it over and over.

Loreen knows that if she sends another song that is just like all the others she made, she will get a high position. And now, thanks to yesterday’s victory, she knows she doesn’t even have to try. Why should she do something different, when doing the same thing twice made her win twice? Why try something different, why step out of her comfort zone? If she does the same thing, she can win. So she will keep doing the same thing.

Same goes for the entire country of Sweden. They learned that if they bring the most boring, generic pop song you can listen to on every radio on planet Earth, you will win. So, they will keep sending it. After all, a bland pop song is what the world is more accustomed to, so why change? Why do something different, when they can be teacher’s pet and always get a high score? This isn’t being stupid, this is being clever.

But is it elegant and fair too? Oh honey, absolutely not. This is the exact opposite of what elegance and fairness are.

On Saturday evening, when we reached the voting part of the show, the crowd literally CHEERED AND SANG Käärijä’s name or “Cha Cha Cha”. Multiple times.

Once the public clearly states who they want to win, then the competition is over. When the consensus is unanimous, there’s no competition anymore. The winner is already here. Everything else is just white noise and bureaucracy.

That’s what I felt, while I was forced to keep listening to a bunch of people loudly kissing Sweden’s ass. The public had already decided, we already have a winner. Why are we still wasting time?

And if forcing us to keep listening to this pitiful charade was not enough, the hosts decided to lose that shred of elegance that was still left on this joke of a show and not only shushed the public all time but even said “just ignore everyone”, as if their voices didn’t really matter. It’s not like this is a music competition and the public is the final receiver of said music, after all.

I don’t know you, but I don’t like to see the sovereign public being silenced and told they do not matter, all while a bunch of people takes the decisions for them. Maybe the Brits are accustomed to being silenced because an old rich man has to decide for them, but other countries don’t work like that. Like, you know, the one they’re hosting the competition for.

There was nothing democratic about Saturday evening. There was nothing fair in silencing the public and pretending they haven’t chosen their winner one hour ago, because teacher’s pet had to win again.

Do you really think Sweden deserved this victory more than Finland? Do you really think that a country that won six times needed to add this victory to their list, so they can say “ah ah we won as many times as Ireland”? Or just because they can do their stupid ABBA anniversary next year? Is this the reason why we choose our winner, now? The past glories of a country? Well, then in 2048 is the anniversary of Dana International’s winning song, let’s all go to Israel! And in 2056 we’ll go to Finland, because it’s the anniversary of Lordi’s winning. And in 2071 will be 50 years from the Maneskin’s victory, so let’s come back to Italy.

What, does that sound ridiculous? Tell that to the jury, then.

I feel immensely sorry for the Finnish people, because I read online how much this victory could’ve meant for them. This could’ve been so important, such a good chance to shine for a country that considers their language “too weird” and who hasn’t won in 17 years. And since they are stuck between that ticking bomb that is Russia and the always perfect Sweden, they really needed something that gave them more positive attention.

And it broke my heart even more to see Käärijä suffering. He even apologized to his nation. He did something amazing and he still apologized. He literally won and apologized for not winning. That’s unfairness to its finest.

And if all of this is not enough, the results of the public’s vote came out and oh, look, not a single country gave 12 points to Sweden, while almost every country gave 12 points to Finland. Wow, who would’ve fucking guessed that teacher’s pet won because of the teacher.

Again: does that seem fair and democratic to you?

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Oligarchy masqueraded as democracy

Let’s do a little bit of math, shall we?

Each national jury consists of five people + one backup juror. They supposedly vote for the best singer and performance- AHAHAH great joke, very funny.

But let’s not focus on this, now: let’s focus on numbers.

37 countries participated this year. So 37 x 6 = 222. The jury is made up of 222 people in total.

The entire population of Europe is around 451 million people, but let’s keep it low because Eurovision isn’t watched by all Europeans. Let’s take just the number of views on the Youtube streaming of the Grand Finale: 9.5 million people. Let’s round up to 9 million, okay?

Okay, so now we have 222 people on one side and 9 million people on the other. Let’s pretend that less than half of them voted at least one time.

Okay, now look me straight in the eyes and explain why the votes of 222 people should have the same weight as the votes of 4 million people. Please, explain to me how democratic this decision is, can’t wait to hear it.

But you know what? Even if it was 1 million voters only, that wouldn’t have been fair either. In no universe is fair to put one million voters on the same level as 222 voters.

There’s only one possible scenario in which this is fair: if Eurovision was a talent show specifically centered around performances and voices, with a jury made of vocal teachers and choreographers, and all I have to do is passively watch it on my couch.

But from the moment you gave the public the power to choose who the winner could be, then why do the votes of all the people from Europe (and Australia) have the same weight as what 222 people decided?

This isn’t a democracy. This is an oligarchy masquerading as a democracy: a bunch of people decides what you should like, basing their decision on their own interests. And you have no way to oppose them, unless you focus all your votes on one single artist, hoping it would defeat the one the jury chooses.

But this deprives Eurovision of the competition aspect. It’s not a competition if I have to endure a tug-of-war against the jury. It’s not a competition if I am forced to give all of my votes to one artist only, instead of spreading them out to all my favorites. And even in that case, basically all of Europe should vote for that specific artist to try and overcome the sheer power the jury has. Again: does this sound democratic to you?

Now you may say: but the jury is made of experts. Oh, you mean the same experts that proved multiple times they base their votes on politics, who their neighbor is and who can corrupt them better? Or do you mean the same experts that in the past made their choice even without listening to the songs?

The truth is that we have 222 people who can easily be influenced by anything and their power is as strong as the power of 4 million people at least. Four million people, who got invested and followed the entire show from start to finish, if I may add. Please, tell me about the fairness of this system again.

And before you say “but Eurovision is a music competition and we need experts”... sorry, but no. According to Wikipedia, the jury was present before televoting was born, but once televoting was extended to all competing countries (1997 ca.), the jury was no more. It came back only in 2009, with this unfair compromise of 50/50 between jury ad public votes.

So there was a period of time in which there wasn’t a jury and in that period we had the first win for Estonia, Turkey, Latvia, Greece, Finland, Serbia and Russia. How weird that, once the jury isn’t there, other nations have a chance to win too.

The thing is: Eurovision isn’t a simple music competition. It’s more like a window. A window where anyone can have their chance to shine. No matter if you’re from a well-known country and everyone knows who you are or if you’re from a tiny piece of land in the middle of nowhere and all you can do is speak your native language: if you have the right combination of song+performance+voice, you can win.

And it’s beautiful we have this window, because it allows us to see something we’ve never seen before: rock bands, silly songs, folk songs and straight-up weird songs. In Eurovision, you don’t have to listen to just the same generic bland song, but you are allowed to listen to different artists and different cultures - and if you like them, you are free to choose your winner, no matter how not mainstream it is.

And we Europeans need this. We need to celebrate the diversity of Europe and embrace them. We need to see people from different countries hanging out, having fun and becoming best friends. For a continent that has always had (and still has) a problem with wars, we need something that allows us to look at each other and not see a piece of land to conquer, but a place full of life and culture to learn about.

And since we pride ourselves to be the continent where democracy was born, let’s put this democracy in the show we’re so proud of. Do we really need the jury vote? Do we really need the vote of this bunch of people? Okay, let’s have them. But it’s not acceptable to give them the same weight as the public’s vote. 50/50 isn’t acceptable anymore. 20/80 is fairer. I’m feeling nice, we can even do a 30/70. It’s just not acceptable that 300 people should have power over millions over something those same millions will enjoy. As always, the public is sovereign.

And if the public’s taste is shit, at least we will be free to blame ourselves for something we brought unto ourselves - and not feel sick and angry over something others forced upon us.

Or everything can stay the same and the 50/50 system will keep going. But at least, be honest enough to not waste everyone’s time, by pretending the public can do something more than watch what a bunch of people decide for them. Do not pretend to be righteous and democratic, when you’re not.

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The triumph of people

This finale drained me. If it were just a little fairer, I would’ve been thrilled to see Luxembourg coming back after years. But right now I don’t feel like watching next year’s show. I know it will probably be amazing, because Sweden is very good at hosting. But I don’t want to see them masturbating over how good they are and how much they deserved to win - even if they didn’t win.

And, honestly, I don’t care about ABBA either. I don’t give a damn about them, nor about their anniversary. I’m definitely not looking forward to that either.

I will listen to the songs as always, then I might give it a try and watch the semifinals. It depends on how bitter my grudge will be, after one full year. If it will still be very bitter, I will probably spend my time better, by listening to the songs more times, watching the performances and making my own personal final chart. I won’t have ABBA or funny interval acts, but I can try my best to make it enjoyable to read. And it won’t be a fucking charade, at least.

Sorry, but I will keep being bitter for some time. And if you feel bitter too, you have every right to be, no matter what people say. Your voice has been silenced and ignored and numbers don’t lie. It’s very understandable you feel bad.

But you know what you can do? Use your anger in a positive way. And no, that doesn’t mean sending death threats to Loreen. You can accuse Sweden of its lack of elegance and decorum if you want, but always be polite. Don’t be like some of them, who are such sore losers they had the guts to be angry at Finland because it didn’t give Sweden any public points. Bo-hoo, may I add.

What you can do instead is make some noise: ask for the jury to be abolished or for this shitty system to change. And, even more important, support your winners. A lot of amazing artists have been wronged this year, so shower them with love.

And send your love especially towards our winner. Stream Cha Cha Cha, check his other songs, shower him with love and support, make a statue for him in Vantaa, pay me a plane ticket because I need to tackle him in a hug and tell him how much the world loves him. Let’s show the world that he slaps, Finnish slaps and we want more of this.

Do you still need more Cha Cha Cha in your life? Good news: Lord of the Lost made a cover for Cha Cha Cha and OH MY GOSH it’s insanely good. It has a lot of Rammstein vibes, it’s cool and it slaps even harder. Check it out because it’s amazing!

Also because the German singer learned some Finnish, just to spell every word correctly and, according to the Finnish people in the comment section, he did a great job. What a wholesome guy, I love and stan him and his band - and you should do the same, because they are amazing and they don’t deserve last place <3

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And if you need more Käärijä in your life, there are amazing Youtube channels with great collections of his moments, like Eurovision Is Ambition and Uni Dash Corn. I especially suggest you see his bromance with Bojan - and speaking of him, another shoutout to Bojan! He’s such a nice, wholesome guy with great charisma, you cannot hate him. I am not head over heels for his song, but he’s so fucking wholesome, he deserves good things only.

And I also suggest you see how Käärijä has been welcomed in Helsinki. He has been welcomed like a fucking hero, a national treasure. And of course he was: he is the true winner after all, he deserved the welcome only winners get.

It’s a bit like he said in his apology: the better one won. And so he did.

You know, I think the only good thing that came out from this shitshow that was Eurovision 2023, is the people’s heart. People showed their kindness, their love, the best of humankind. We saw acts of friendship, we saw empathy and appreciation. The hug between Käärijä and Bojan, despite its sad meaning, is also a perfect example of what we all should be: kinder, softer, more empathetic, together, no matter how far and different our countries are.

In a way, I am happy that Ukraine’s message of unity was still carried out, even if indirectly and definitely not the way the UK wanted.

And in the end, the trophy isn’t so important: it’s just a piece of glass after all. And no piece of glass is worth the impact one little man from Vantaa left on so many people all over the world.

I know you will never read this post, but I wish you a lifetime of success, Käärijä. You have everything a winner needs and, in fact, you are one. So don’t be too hard on yourself, because the world still needs to show you how much it loves you. Take your time, relax, have fun and come back when you’re ready - just don’t leave us hanging for too much, ‘kay?

And you, Finnish people: please treat our beloved winner with love for us too. We will do our best from afar, so let’s be together on this as we should <3

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fangirlfrom-hell · 1 year ago

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"My daddy has to fight some bad guys". || Jay Halstead x reader and daughter

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠

You woke up earlier than everybody in your house to get everything ready for everyone. Jay would usually follow you a few minutes later and you two would make breakfast and get your daughter ready for school together, along with other morning stuff. This wasn't the day, your husband had fallen asleep and you were doing everything by yourself, trying not to make a lot of noise. You knew he was working a tough case and had come back quite late from work the night before, so you didn't want to wake him up. Even when he didn't want to admit it, he was tired as hell and needed to rest.

You were in the kitchen starting to cook breakfast when you felt his arms hugging you from the back.

-"Did I wake you up?" You asked. -"I was trying not to".

-"I didn't feel you by my side and I couldn't fall asleep again". He answered into your ear and then kissed your neck as he continued talking. -"I'm sorry I haven't been around. We closed this case last night, what's left is a bunch of paperwork. My hope is to be back home early tonight and...". You turned around to hug him back and interrupted him with a short kiss. He rushed to finish his sentence with a heavy breathing : "...I can make it up for you", then proceeded to tenderly kiss your lips as he held you as tight as he could with one of his arms, while fervently holding your head with his other hand, finger all tangled in your hair, pulling it a bit.

Due to the case Jay was working on, you two had barely seen each other during the last week and a half, so things were heating up fast. Suddenly, for both of your displeasure, an alarm interrupted the moment.

-"Time to wake her up". You said having trouble separating from him.

-"I'll go". Jay took your phone to turn off the alarm. -"I'm driving her to school too".

-"Hey, Jay!" You took his hand before letting him leave the room. -"You do remember her Father's Day Festival, right?".

-"Next friday, 10:30, sure".

-"I was thinking...maybe you should talk to her and explain that...of course you will be there, but if you are not able to make it is due to your work".

-"But I will be there".

-"I know, I know, it's just...we never know when a case might pop up. Remember the Spring Festival?".

-"Oh. The bank robbery right before it...".

-"Yes, that's what I mean. That time was easy because I was there, but this time I won't...".

-"I will talk to her". He said after a few seconds of silence. -"But I'll be there, no matter what".

That day, Tessa and her class made a craft for their fathers. All the little kids were drawing in a small paper square that would become a keychain for Father's Day. Some of them were drawing hearts, others were doing stick figures. Tessa drew her dad carrying her over his shoulders and a bunch of hearts around. Her artwork was a little abstract, but understandable for a 5 year old.

-"All right". Ms. Luna said in a sweet voice. Tessa really loved her teacher. -"I am going to take your drawings and we will give them back to our dads as a key chain during the festival!".

-"My daddy said he will come, but he's working and if he doesn't show up it is because he has to fight some bad guys. Bad guys don't respect days or time". Tessa rushed to repeat what Jay tried to explain to her earlier in the morning when he was taking her to school.

-"It's ok". Her teacher laughed a bit. -"Sometimes parents can't make it and it's ok. That doesn't mean they don't want to or that they don't love us".

The class rehearsed the song they would sing at intervals throughout the rest of the day. Tessa never missed the opportunity to repeat the information going around her head: "My dad said he's coming, but if he's not here it means he's working" or "My daddy is fighting the bad guys and bad guys they don't respect days or time" or "He will be here, but if he's not here, that means he's on the streets. He makes Chicago safe". Her friends were amazed whenever she repeated those statements. She did understand what her father told her, but she didn't really comprehend.

The day was here. You dropped Tessa at school, she was all excited. Before she entered the building you reminded her: "If it happens that daddy is not here or he's late, remember he's fighting the bad guys".

Jay was already in the bullpen, everything was strangely calmed. He had talked with Voight about going out to Tessa's school and he gladly agreed.

-"Today is the day isn't it?" Hailey asked Jay as she entered the coffee room.

-"Yeah". He smirked. -"If nothing else intervenes".

-"Let's stay positive". She said remembering what had happened last Spring Festival.

It was 8:30, the day had just started when Trudy came upstairs with an urgent case.

-"That's just my luck". Jay said, rushing downstairs with his partner.

-"Let's try to make it quick". Hailey answered by putting on her coat.

At school, the kids were getting ready to go outside to start the festival. Parents were gathering outside of the building, waiting to get inside.

Students from all schools were lining up around the court. Their parents were supposed to meet them and be in front of their kid's group to hear them sing.

-"Is your dad here?" One of Tessa's friends asked.

-"I can't see him". She answered standing on tiptoe. -"But it's ok, it's because he had to fight the bad guys".

All the kids waved their fathers with excitement, some of them ran to hug them before starting the show. Jay didn't make it, but Tessa wasn't feeling bad about it...yet.

When the song finished, all the kids jumped into their fathers arms and gave them the craft they made in class as a gift for them. Tessa stood in her place, not being able to hold her tears. She was crying in silence, so between the noise and excitement around the little girl, nobody noticed her until a few minutes later. As soon as her teacher saw her, she ran towards her and hugged her tight.

-"It's ok, honey. It's ok. Your dad wanted to be here with you". She said in a very sweet and calmed voice. -"Remember he is fighting the bad guys, you said that before ''.

Some parents were moved watching the scene, but there was nothing they could do. Ms. Johnson, the school's principal, noticed the situation from afar and she joined as soon as she could. By only moving her lips, trying not to be heard, she asked Tessa's teacher if the little girl's father wasn't there. She shaked her head in disapproval when the teacher answered with a sorry face.

-"We can call your dad, Tess. That way you can hear his voice".

-"But, Ms. Johnson, he's fighting the bad guys". Ms. Luna intervened.

-"Oh!" She understood. -"Ok, but we can call him later, we'll tell him to come so you can give him your present. Would you like that?".

The little girl was an emotional mess, but agreed with her head, even though she wasn't really listening to what the adults were saying.

The emergency call for the intelligence team ended up in a shooting and that delayed detective Halstead. As soon as he finished with interviews and all the bureaucracy after this kind of situation, he ran off.

-"Go, go, go". Hailey rushed. -"I cover you".

Jay drove his truck as fast as he could, siren on. It wasn't a police emergency, but it was an emergency after all, he could deal with the consequences later. He parked in the first spot he found, even if it wasn't merely in front of the school and ran as fast as he could in a police mode to get to his baby girl. It was until he entered the building that he noticed he was still wearing the vest, gun and badge on his hip, but didn't care.

-"There he is!" Ms. Johnson pointed to Tessa's father.

-"Come on! Come on!" Ms. Luna took the little girl's hand and started running towards her dad.

-"I'm so sorry". Jay took Tessa in his arms and carried her holding her as tight as he could. She was too emotionally drained to react.

Kids around were already saying goodbye to their parents, going back to their classrooms.

-"We'll give you some time alone". Ms. Johnson informed Jay and he muttered a "thank you".

-"You can go back to the classroom when you feel ready". Ms. Luna told her student.

-"I hate the bad guys". Tessa managed to say when they were finally alone.

-"Me too". Her father said. -"I'm really, really sorry I didn't hear you sing, but I'm here right now". He wiped the tears from her cheeks.

-"I did it real good, you missed it". She said playing with the key chain in her hands.

-"I bet you did". Jay chuckled. -"What do you have there?".

-"It's a present for you. I made it for you". She extended her short arm to give it to her dad.

-"For me? Is it for my keys? I love it!"

-"It's you and me and lots of hearts. I drew it myself".

-"I can see that. It's beautiful. Thank you, sweetie". Jay's phone started ringing and he sighed when he read the text messages.

-"I have to go back to work".

-"But I don't want you to go". She started crying again.

Ms. Johnson came into the scene to help Tessa go back to her class" -"Daddy has to go back to work, sweetie. Ms. Luna and your friends are waiting for you, let's go". And she took her tenderly in her arms as her crying grew louder.

-"It's all right". Jay reassured her with a kiss. -"I love you. I'll see you at home, ok?". And she disappeared through the door.

He peeked through the classroom window to check on her before departing. He witnessed how Ms. Luna was successfully calming her down and felt a little bit more relaxed to go.

-"Thank you for coming". Ms. Johnson told him with a smile. -"For real".

With a heavy heart, he got into his truck and before turning it on, he hung the keychain in his keys. He inspected the tiny drawing and smiled before going back to the bullpen.

Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a ♡, comment or share. 😌♡

#chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #Jay Halstead #Jay Halstead x reader #Jay halstead x Y/N #Jay Halstead imagine #Jay Halstead one shot #Jay Halstead x you #kevin atwater #One chicago #One chicago one shot #Jay Halstead x daughter

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killxio · 2 years ago

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the start of something beautiful | r. braun

word count: 402 [ 1 min 30 sec read] | ✪ content warnings: uuuhhh stay away if u team fuck them kids. i mean i am too but like.. who don't love a fictional baby?

✮ new dad!reiner x new mom!reader / reiner x black!reader

you, your man, and y’all’s newborn baby.

- new dad!reiner who cried more than the baby did at birth

- new dad!reiner who, despite not letting you lift a finger since finding out about the pregnancy, still puts you on bedrest for the first few weeks post-partum. regardless of doctor's orders.

- new dad!reiner who rushes to his babygirl's every beck and call. he's learned her different types of cries after just one week, and can damn near hear her cry before she actually starts crying.

- new dad!reiner who's there for every post partum ache or craving, anything you want he'll get.

"whats wrong?" he immediately shoots up from his book in bed at the sight of you teary-eyed.

"it's s-stupid" you sniffle

"how many 'stupid' things have i made happen for you during the pregnancy? you still think i care about stupid?? tell me what's wrong baby."

"i want a kinder bueno bar so badddduhh" you whine, slumping over into the pregnancy pillow you still utilize.

you barely blink and he's sliding on his hoodie and slides.

best believe you got three of those damn bueno bars.

- new dad!reiner of whom you have a video of slowly swaying in the kitchen, lowly singing to an RnB song, daughter laying across one arm and a spatula in the other one early morning.

- new dad!reiner who has no concept of when a baby is meant to start eating solid food.

"so uhhh.. what's going on here?"

"’m introducing her to peanut butter."

"for one, ill be damned if my baby likes that solidifed dog water and two.. she's three and a half weeks old?"

"yeah. and?"

"'rei, that's like 8 month old shit. she can't even sit up on her own?"

(spoiler; not that you liked peanut butter before, but during your pregnancy the smell made you throw up on more than one occasion. no suprise she didn't like it a year later when reiner tried again.)

- new dad!reiner who you find in the hall late one night, showing babygirl your bump progression photos, explaining to her how big she was at each interval and how excited he is that she's finally here in the flesh.

- new dad!reiner who's first post of her had lyrics to "she's mine, pt.2" in the caption.

- new dad!reiner who, again, cries more than the baby does when his paternity leave is up and he has to work again.

- new dad!reiner, who makes you wanna marry him all over again.

#aot au #reiner braun #reiner x y/n #attack on titan reiner #reiner imagine #aot reiner #reiner x reader #reiner brainrot #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #black tumblr #black reader

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petervintonjr · 14 days ago

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"I was working for Mr. T. L. Kearny on the morning of the day of the election, and did not think of voting until he came out to the stable where I was attending to the horses and advised me to go to the polls and exercise a citizen's privilege."

Good god, people. I sure misjudged a hell of a lot of you; it is obvious more studying is called for. Way more. As in, "lessons-that-may-soon-be-illegal" way more.

Since we're already fresh on the subject of elections, let's get right into it with a look at the life of Thomas Mundy Peterson. Born enslaved in 1826 New Jersey, Peterson and his family were later manumitted upon their owner's passing, and moved to Perth Amboy. Peterson married and worked as a custodian and general handyman at Perth Amboy's very first public school. Active in local politics, at the age of 46 Peterson had been a participant in a local ballot initiative to revise the town's existing charter; in this instance, whether or not to abandon their 1798 charter entirely and reincorporate as a township. (Spoiler alert: they did neither and became a city in 1844.)

On March 30, 1871, less than two months after the ratification of the Fifteenth Amendment, Peterson voted in favor of retaining the town's existing charter --thereby making him the very first Black American to cast a ballot in any kind of post-Civil War election.

But for one unsurprising anecdote about a white voter at the polling place crumpling up their own ballot in disgust at the sight, Peterson's civic action went largely unremarked-upon (in fact Peterson even went on to be elected to the local city council). It was as true then, as it is now, that local elections are where the most immediate consequences happen. But gradually over time, the symbolism and the larger historical impact of Peterson's quiet moment took on much greater national significance. In 1884 the community raised the equivalent of $1800.00 to present Peterson with a medal featuring Abraham Lincoln's profile in recognition of his milestone --this medal is now part of the collection of Xavier University. In 1989 the public school at which Peterson once worked (P.S. No. 1), was renamed after him.

====

And further to the above subject: Fascism is a hell of a drug, people. One really doesn't see it for what it is when it finally arrives --no concept of just what it is that you've invited into your lives, just because eggs are inconveniently pricey or because you'd rather your kids not be exposed to history lessons like this one. Fascism never merely visits; it takes up permanent residence. Our Black brothers and sisters (especially the sisters) understood that deep in their bones prior to the Civil War, during Reconstruction, during Jim Crow, and during the Civil Rights movement. The rest of us need to internalize that, too. The past 400 years aren't "just" Black history, as if it all only belonged to a specific segment of the population. It is our history. All of us; inextricably connected to it. If we don't study it and learn about it; if we pivot to the deliberate ignorance that fascism so gleefully celebrates, then we all lose.

Racism (and all its cousins: anti-Semitism, xenophobia, homophobia, etc.) has been emboldened, running unchecked --to say nothing of truly terrifying old-school misogyny. (And yeah, go look up the word misogynoir if you haven't already). Of more immediate concern we've got... what, 70 days or so? 70 days to recalibrate, retool, get at least some guardrails up. In that time interval, please reach out to one another --check on your communities and keep a close eye on local issues, not unlike Thomas Mundy Peterson. Offer what help you can spare. Lotta desperation and panic floating about; folks are afraid of losing a lot of things in 2025 and beyond --you know, minor trifles like health care, insurance, income, savings, civil rights, autonomy. They're going to be looking for a connection. If studying these Black biographies these past 4+ years has taught me one thing, it is that authoritarianism flourishes when people isolate --whether forced upon them or on one's own. The moment folks break that pattern and start connecting with one another, the bullies proveably take a cautious step back. (Notice I didn't naïvely use the word retreat.) So look out for one another and keep each other afloat; the bullies hate that.

In the meantime for my part I'm going to keep doing the two things I know I am legitimately good at: teaching and drawing. Therefore I'll keep providing this resource until I am forcibly stopped from doing so.

If you're new to this series, start here.

#black lives matter #black history #thomas mundy peterson #civilrights #juneteenth #new jersey #voting rights #15th amendment #teachtruth #dothework #showup

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bcacstuff · 20 days ago

Note

This is the data from the app I use shows

Cait has gained +27,900 followers during the last 30 days and daily +930 but for Sam is daily +432 and during the Last 30 days +12,960 followers

What you see is a snapshot from the last month with the average number of new followers. It's a nice indication, but for marketeers not really interesting as it doesn't break the numbers down to daily growth in real time that can be connected and explained to a certain event happening.

Number are one thing, the other thing is to try and find an explanation for it. That is what marketeers do to adjust and imporve a marketing strategy.

If we take for instant the numbers of Cait's IG. We know she doesn't post much, is not a real influencer of anything. Just sometimes a post of a product, something she endorses.

Now we have seen her wrap posts on 25th October, the video has 279k likes, almost 2M870k views, and 11k comments, the slides post has 307k likes and 7k comments, which both are outstanding compared to the other posts

Note, the other posts are all accepted posts, originally posted by the OL_Starz account, (and one by Paleyfest) the top one and the bottome one are on SH's IG accepted as a post as well. This is important, as the likes and comments are coming from more accounts, not only her IG. But the wrap video and post with slides are on her IG and not on others, so these likes and comments are solely hers.

This all translates very obviously in her followers growth.

you are correct about the gain of almost 28k new followers over the month, but as you can see the biggest amount are gained starting on the day she posted the wrap video and slides. Which not only gained likes and comments but followers as well.

I think this is crystal clear, and I think anyone with a couple of brain cells can understand how marketeers would/could use these analytics if this is about a product, or say an influencer on IG.

This isn't really the case for Cait's IG, as she is not an active influencer, not even an active social media user. She occasionally posts about the projects she has worked on and work events.

Her growth for the next month will most likely be a lot lower, unless there is some big news she can share. We've seen f.i the last big growth when she was promoting her movie with Orlando Bloom in Toronto (I shared those numbers at some point). So all I can conclude from this analysis is that to me this looks normal and completely organic.

As for Sam, what we've been talking about in the other post is the huge fluctuation within 10-15 hours. That is not normal. Sure you can come up with all kind of explanations. Fact is that along all the time that I have watched his followers growth over quite some years now, I have never seen this huge fluctuations within such a short time interval and it is a weird phenomena. I do not see this on other accounts I've watched. Note that his follower growth is more interesting (to him) from a marketing pov as he is actively advertising his product (at nausea).

So that is why analytics are interesting, and why I find it interesting. [and for the people in the back, no you don't have to watch it 24/7 to get the numbers and educate yourself about what they mean or not, or when one sees a striking change which is interesting to watch as well as try to find a good reason for it, not just put a wet finger in the air, or google for 10 minutes and then claim you educated yourself!] (I suggest try to ask Google who is Caitriona's husband for a change)

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the-cookie-of-doom · 5 months ago

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This is what happens when you use a heating pad for too long. It’s benign and relatively harmless; you can get it on your thighs from a laptop, or even from carrying home fresh pizza boxes on your lap (first time I ever noticed it lol).

If you google this, you’ll get results about erythema ab igne, or “toasted skin syndrome”. Thats not what this actually is, though; TSS is a much more severe form that comes from extremely prolonged exposure, and takes weeks to months to go away. It runs the risk of becoming permanent, causing skin abnormalities and growths, and in very rare cases (after decades of exposure), becoming cancerous due to the repeated skin cell damage.

In contrast, this little bit of redness I’ve got going on will probably go away in a couple hours/a day max. I use my heating pad almost daily, on the highest setting, for hours at a time, usually directly against my skin (which is bad for you, don’t do that). And I have done for years.

I’m posting this bc I remember a while ago a somewhat fear-mongering post went around the chronic pain community about TSS. But actual TSS is a (relatively) rare skin disorder; it causes actual cell and tissue damage. It is deeply penetrating, very dark, and usually nonblanchable due to the damage caused to superficial vessels/capillaries. As in, when you press on it, it doesn’t turn white/it stays red.

Yes, if you have chronic pain/menstrual cramps that you manage with heating pads, you are at an increased risk. But as long as you’re responsible (stop using it if it starts to hurt), you should be fine. And also yes, definitely see a pain specialist if you’re in so much pain that you’re regularly burning yourself to relieve it. But don’t let a well-meaning post scare you out of your comfort measures. Don’t use direct heat (or cold) packs against your skin, stop if it hurts/becomes numb, and try to keep it to 15-30 minute intervals, while giving your skin time to rest.

Also, in the time it’s taken me to write this post, the redness is already almost gone.

Tl;dr don’t be afraid of a little redness! But also take care of yourself.

#cookie speaks #chronic pain #heating pad

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phoebepheebsphibs · 5 months ago

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Double-Mutated Mikey

Chapter 30: Would You Love Me if I was a Worm?

Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club

Prev || Next

After his talk with Raph and CJ, Leo has to do it all over again with the whole family -- April, Draxum, and Cassandra included.

And Mikey, despite Leo's hesitation and objections.

The whole thing goes... very well, actually.

It is tough at first, Leo having been exhausted twice already and having to ask Raphael and Casey Jr. for help explaining on occasion because he just doesn’t have the emotional (or even physical) energy to go through it all a third time.

Tears are shed. Some are Leo's. Most are actually from Splinter.

At first, Leo thinks it is because of his paternal instinct to protect them, but then he remembers how hard it must have been those first several years post-mutation... All the years he'd spent in the Battle Nexus... Splinter understands all too well what Leo is going through.

Second most are from April. She may not have won the award for the most shed, but she won the award for loudest sobs. Leo didn't expect her to be so heartbroken for his sake, but she is, and that makes him cry all over again.

But the most impactful tears for Leo are Donnie's. Maybe it's because they're twins, or maybe it's the fact that Dee typically tends to keep his tears hidden (especially when there was an audience), or bottle them up. Not that he refuses cry ever -- he just doesn't do it often, and especially not when there are so many people around. But here he is, weeping silently for his brother in front of everybody. Leo almost missed it at first, but he happened to glance over and see the stains on his twin's mask and the red irritation surrounding his sclera. So while Donnie didn't make much of a show of his emotions, Leo knows he felt for him.

Cass and Draxum might be the only two not to cry, apart from Raph and Casey -- but those two are exempt, since they'd already knew what happened and had their own moments earlier to shed tears with him. Draxum is stoic and expressionless for the most part, raising an eyebrow at appropriate intervals to show he is paying attention. Cass makes quite a lot of facial expressions, and Leo figures her eyes got watery at one point. She talks a lot, though. So does Draxum.

Everyone has something to say. From advice to give, to words of affirmation, to moments when they felt similarly to Leo -- everyone talks.

All but one, actually.

Mikey stays strangely quiet.

Not that he doesn't understand. He does. Which is one of the reasons Leo was wary to tell Mikey. His eyes go wide with shock, and he cries with the rest when he hears the news. He sits besides Leo the entire time, resting his head on his lap and mewing sadly at him. Leo strokes his head to reassure him he is okay. Though, as the night goes on, he's not certain if Mikey is trying to comfort him, or if that is now Leo's job...

Leo half expects Michael to put on a turtleneck and coke bottle glasses, and don his 'Dr. Feelings' persona to help.

But he doesn't.

The discussion is long and lasts quite a while, with compelling points made from everyone and different ways to help Leo combat the intrusive thoughts and suicidal feelings.

Leo wonders how anyone could ever think he was the hero when they were the ones constantly saving his life.

Exhausted as he is, he weeps again and thanks everyone for their love and support.

The family meeting ends with hugs and kisses and watching a movie together in the hotel room. Leo notices that everyone keeps him in the center of the group, effectively surrounded by their love.

Mikey stays glued to his side the entire evening. He's been mostly quiet the whole night, but now he seems... overprotective of him. Leo is too tired to question it. Besides, he is so grateful for the company. Mikey rests on his lap like a cat, his soft underbelly radiating warmth and his gentle breaths keeping Leo grounded and calm.

They watch movies until Leo falls asleep in his family's embrace.

Leonardo is entirely spent the next day. He wakes up in his hotel bed, exhausted and groggy. He doesn't remember when he fell asleep, just like he doesn't remember being carried to his room, or being given a weighted blanket on top of his sheets. The blanket doesn't even cover his entire body, they just draped it across his chest --

Wait a sec. Why is the weighted blanket breathing?

Leo looks up and blurrily sees a mass of green and yellow sprawled across his torso. He blinks, rubs his eyes free of sleep, and the blur becomes his little brother.

Leon smiles. Did Mikey stay with him the entire night? Was he worried for him? This was exactly why Leo didn't want to tell Mikey... the poor guy doesn’t need another thing to worry about. And yet, he is happy that Mikey is showing him how he loves him. And to be honest, Leo has not slept that well in weeks. Though, that was mostly due to stress from Mikey's disappearance and then camping out on his beanbags once he was home.

Leonardo strokes Mikey's head gently. He doesn't think he puts that much effort or force into it, but Mikey immediately wakes up at his touch and turns to look at him. He chirps before remembering he can speak and clears his throat.

"Hullo," he croaks.

"Hey," Leo simpers. "What's up."

Mikey hums and crawls closer to his big brother so that he's laying beside him rather than across him. He doesn't really respond to Leo, but holds onto his arm. Mikey's tail slides over Leo's knees and swishes back and forth.

"You okay?" he asks, looking over at him. "You're acting a little clingy."

Mikey hugs Leo's arm a bit more tensely. He nods.

"Mikey just... want to be with Leo today."

Leo sighs and snuggles closer to him. He can let Mikey be clingy.

"Okay. How about today is a Leo and Mikey day?"

Mikey glances up at his brother, eyes wide and bright. He chirps excitedly before once again recalling he can speak and answers him with a resounding 'yes'.

Leo is surprised how Mikey's vocal chords still sound raspy and torn. They should have healed by now. They sound better, that much is sure. He just needs a little more time.

Don't we all...

"So, whaddya wanna do today, bud?" Leo inquires. He seems to have caught Mikey off guard with the question.

"Mikey decides?" he asks, surprised. "Why not Llllllleo?"

"I can pick some stuff to do too," Leo adds. "But what do you feel like doing now?"

Mikey considers for a moment before giving a decisive nod followed by a decisive answer.

"Mikey wants food."

"Leo wants food too," he chuckles, getting up out of bed and putting on an oversized t-shirt. He leaves his ninja wraps behind, but ties the mask. Mikey watches with curious investement.

"...Can Mikey wear something, too?"

"Yeah, dude. You packed some clothes, right?"

"Big sweaters," Mikey answers. "Too hot for them."

"You can borrow one of mine, then," Leo says, digging in his thrown-together duffel bag until he finds a shirt that should fit Mikey. "Here ya go!"

Mikey catches the shirt and stares at it like it's a gift from God Himself before delicately pulling it over his head and shell.

"What if Mikey tears it?" he asks nervously. "Will Leo get sad?"

"No," Leo says, sensing that trying to keep Leo from being sad will become a running theme with Mikey for the day. "I won't be sad. You can go ahead and wear it, don't worry."

Mikey looks down at the shirt and smiles. He likes the neon blue swirls and tie-dye patterns, he likes how they contrast so brightly and perfectly with his lemon-bright yellow spots and freckles.

"Does Mikey get a mask too?"

Leo looks back at him, hope shining through his eyes.

"Did you pack your mask?" he asks gently.

"Uuuuummmm," Mikey taps a claw against his chin as he thinks. "I think Cassssssey put one in? Orange cloth, yeah?"

Leo and Mikey walk over to the other bedroom and search through the suitcase. Lo and behold, Casey Jones Jr. did indeed stash a few bright orange masks. Leonardo helps to tie the mask up into a bow behind Mikey's head. The former box turtle scrambles to the mirror and stares at himself in awe.

"I look like Leo and Raphie and Donnie now!" he exclaims. "I-I look like... like... I look like Mikey."

Leo smiles warmly at his little brother, who seems to be crying tears of joy. At least, that's what he hopes. He's smiling pretty big.

Leo helps Mikey to stand on his two feet and the duo walk out hand-in-hand, mostly to help Mikey keep from stumbling or tripping. The boys head downstairs to the free continental breakfast offered.

Mikey is completely awed by the many choices of food. They're all so spread out and numerous! Leo helps Mikey choose, since the Yokai's culinary options are a bit different than theirs, and he isn't sure if the screaming cereal puffs would be appetizing to him just yet...

He picks out a stack bright green pancakes with glowing blue berries mixed in, a bowl of warm milk with non-screaming cereal puffs, and very odd, very large slices of what he thinks is turkey bacon, or something similar to that. Mikey also asks for several fruits and baked goods as well. And while Leo's his bagel is toasting, he assists Mikey with dressing up his oddly-coloured pancakes with strawberry and maple syrup, chocolate chips, and powdered sugar. Leo is going to regret giving him so much sugar later on, but today has been declared a day for fun, so anything goes. Which means a sugar rush, sugar crash, followed by imminent diabetes on a plate, and all at 8am in the morning.

The two sit down and Mikey tries again with the fork and knife. His fingers can't get the utensils to hold still properly, and they slip and clack loudly. Mikey gets flustered and embarrassed that he's making a fool of himself, until Leo points out that the room has very few patrons -- and most of those that are attending breakfast have hooves or tentacles or claws that resemble Mikey's, so they eat without utensils. Mikey beams gladly upon this discovery, and digs into his plate with his bare face.

Leo rolls his eyes with an airy chuckle and noshes on his cheese and bacon bagel-ritto. He wonders how long it will take for Mikey to not treat every meal like it's his very first, lick every plate clean, and beg for seconds and thirds in a timid manner as though he's scared of being punished for being hungry. The good news is that he's gained some weight since his rescue; he isn't so pale and shaky and thin-framed as he was when they first rescued him.

Breakfast for Mikey is over in a flash. He nearly inhales the pancakes at a speed previously unknown to man. Leo is challenged to match the speed in an attempt to finish his food before Mikey's sugar rush kicks in. He almost makes it, too. Almost.

Mikey starts bouncing in his seat impatiently. He watches Leo scarf down his bagel and slurp up his cereal. Mikey rocks back and forth, tapping his fingers rhythmically as he hums.

"You can always go outside and I'll meet you when I'm done," Leo offers, mouth dripping with milk and chin covered in honey-nut wheat bites.

"Nuh-uh!" Mikey says, shaking his head frantically, bows flapping like they're about to take flight. "Mikey stays with Leo! I l-like staying with Leo, I like being with you it's a lot of fun let's go do other fun stuff too are you finished yet huh huh huh are ya are ya are ya hey look at that guy he looks like a rhinoceros that's pretty cool hey can you make this sound with your mouth??"

Mikey starts blowing raspberries at his brother before busting out in mad giggles.

"I'mma gonna go get some more syrup and pancakes!"

"Wooooaaaaah mister!" Leo halts him, grabbing Mikey by the elbow before he can jet off. "I think you've had enough. Raph will kill me if he finds out how much sugar I let you have already!"

Mikey yipes at that claim, instantly going to guard Leo's chair with a growl.

"N-no! No one hurts you! Don't worry Leo I'll protect you Mikey can help don't be hurt no dying I don't like that hey how about we go outside now are you finished with your food I wanna go play outside can we play is that okay is that okay I'm not being annoying am I you'd tell me if I was annoying right I don't wanna be a burden am I being weird how come everything is moving so slowly wow my hands are really shaky can we go outside now I wanna play can we play how long does it take for you to eat food let's go outside now okay???"

Leo swallows the last of the bagel-ritto and half-chokes on it before clearing his throat.

"Okay, Mikey, let's go outside and burn off all that energy, huh?"

"Yaaaaaay!!!" Mikey cheers, grabbing Leo's wrist and racing outside with him.

Leo yelps as his baby brother drags him out at the speed of light, nearly dislocating his shoulder. Mikey dodges sunbathers and resort patrons as he rushes going out towards the beach and fly through the giant magic rainbow arch.

"What should we play first??" Mikey asks, skidding to a halt and buzzing around Leo's ankles excitedly.

"I think maybe let's start with a race," Leo schemes. "Let's see how fast you can go, hmm? First one to round the island wins!"

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN OKAY LET'S DO IT!!" Mikey screams, bouncing and vibrating in a blur from excitement.

Leo crouches, Mikey mimicking him as his tail flaps around so wildly it cracks the air and slaps sand into the wind.

"OnyourmarkgetsetGO!" Leo shouts.

Mikey is instantaneously gone, a trail of smoke and sand billowing behind him as he vanishes around the bend. Leo half wishes he'd brought his katanas so he could make a portal just to mess with him.

Mikey is back in a few minutes, zooming past him and around the bend again. Leo wonders why he didn't stop. He's back after another five minutes or so.

"Hi!" he pants, still hyped up but out of breath. "I didn't see you until it was too late the first time and by the time I realised I passed you I figured it would be faster just to run the island again hey you didn't run at all why didn't you run but I won the race anyway didn't I didn't I huh huh Mikey's the winner Mikey wins at racing I'm fast very fast look what Mikey can do!"

Mikey starts zooming back and forth and running out onto the water to play. Leo laughs and follows after him, taking off his shirt and jumping into the water to wade with his little brother. Several minutes later, Mikey slows and starts to yawn. He shudders and sits on the shore while Leo goes to get him some water and something to combat the sugar crash.

After a peanut butter and apple slices snack later, and a reluctant drink of some cold orange juice, Mikey's shakes dissipate and he takes a quick nap on the beach shore. Leo grabs some beach towels and lounge chairs for the two to relax in. He lets Mikey rest where he is, for the time being, sticking an umbrella in the ground beside him to keep him shaded.

"See you when you get up, buddy..."

Mikey wakes about an hour later, afraid that Leo might have left him while he was sleeping. He sits up and looks around, only relaxing once he sees his brother's signature shade of blue.

Leo is lounging, smiling brightly as he basks in the sunlight. Mikey sees that a lounge chair has been set up besides Leo for him as well.

Instead, Mikey climbs aboard Leo's chair and curls onto his lap, careful not to crush his legs like he tends to do. Mikey feels Leo's hand rub circles onto his back once he's situated.

"Hey, bud," he says quietly. "You doing okay? Need more peanut butter?"

Mikey shakes his head 'no'.

"M'kay. Wanna do something?"

"Leo's turn to choose," Mikey hums back.

"I'm kinda good to just stay here and relax."

Mikey hums and nods. It is good to relax. Mikey likes relaxing. He wasn't really allowed to relax in the labs... well, that's probably not true. They let him sleep at night and have some mealtimes. But his days were mostly tests and experiments and fighting deformed monsters. Nothing like laying back and bathing in pure unprohibited sunshine. And Leo needs his relaxation, too! He needs to feel sunshine, and rest on the beach, and enjoy the peace too. If anyone deserves it, Leo does.

Mikey watches the waves as they tumble over one another. He sees what looks like a dolphin in the distance. The sunlight sparkles across the water majestically. He's sure he's seen this before...

"Well, it's official. Leo is the worst," Mikey mutters.

"You mean the BEST!" Donnie squeals, rushing over to the water and jumping in excitement. "We get a beach vacay! FINALLY! I don't know about you gentlemen, but I have definitely EARNED this."

"Earned it how?" Raph asks, remembering the 'gifts' he made for them, when he tested out his tranq darts on them, how he got addicted to the Purple Game and accidentally trained a giant mech AI to squash them...

"Where exactly are we?" Mikey asks, spotting a red and white flag waving far off in the distance.

"According to my calculations --" Donnie declares, typing on his wrist tech dramatically, "-- Leo has portalled us to Tahiti."

"TAHITI?!" Raph shouts, eyes bulging out of his head. "Wha- How- Why --"

"How about we don't have a conniption," Donnie says, taking Raphael by the arm and leading him to the water, "...and instead we enjoy the serenity that is a beach vacation?"

"But what about Leo?" Mikey asks, already splashing in the waves. "Do you think he's worried? Or in trouble? Why wasn't he portalled here with us?"

"Oh I'm sure he's fine, he said with very little hesitation," Donnie states, waving away Mikey's concern. "He got us into this mess, he'll get us out of it. Now, Tahiti. Is. Ours!"

Donnie supplies the boys with flower leis and coconuts filled with fruity beverages, initiating the chillest of vibes and enticing his brothers to join in.

"Well... maybe just a few minutes," Raph agrees, taking the coconut from Donnie. "But at some point we gotta figure out a way to get home."

"Ooooorrrr we could look into finding a nice sewer here?" Donnie offers.

Raph and Mikey glare at him.

"Kidding!" he quickly rebuffs. "I was of course joking, and have not already been researching the options. It's not like there's one available for a very reasonable price just two miles away or anything..."

Mikey rolls his eyes and kicks a wave at Raph, initiating a splash war between them.

The trio enjoy the sun and surf, laughing and having a wonderful time. Mikey wishes that Leo could enjoy it with them... He's still a bit worried about what happened to his bro. He knows Leo has been feeling really low about his mystic weapon not working right. For whatever reason, he can't get it to properly portal. Mikey figured out how to use his almost instantly, and Raph has been getting the hang of his pretty easily as well. But Leo's odachi keeps malfunctioning. He could barely get a portal to open at first! Mikey remembers how he tricked them all into the minotaur maze to prove he was a champion. They were pretty mad at him, but the more Mikey thinks about it, the more he feels like Leo was hiding his insecurities. And still is.

Mikey's been working on a new persona -- like Dr. Delicate Touch, but softer. Less focused on telling the cold hard truth, and more focused on getting others to admit truths about themselves. A therapist kinda persona, to help with feelings. Hey, that could be his name! 'Dr. Feelings'... that might work.

He wonders if Leo would be willing to talk about it. Leo's pretty cagey when it comes to talking about feelings. But maybe --

Mikey's train of thought is interrupted by a burst of blue light ignites from above, and the three are sucked in very suddenly with a yell...

His stomach does a backflip as he goes from flying upwards to falling downwards, landing with a crash against Raph's back and a hard wooden surface.

"Whoah, where'd you guys come from? I mean, hey check it out! I freed you from your pirate prison!"

Mikey blinks and he's back from the memory. It's always weird and disorienting when he recovers a new recollection. Mostly because he doesn't recognize himself, and can't actually imagine himself walking around so easily without help or not stumbling over his words and referring to himself as 'Mikey' instead of 'I' at times, or not seeing his tail flick around out of his peripherals. He can't possibly comprehend that he was Hamato Michelangelo, and not Mikey from Project Venus of the TCRI, prisoner of the EPF.

Mikey feels Leo's hand on his shell again. He shifts around so he can lay his chin against Leo's shoulder in a lazy hug.

"You sure you're okay?" Leo asks quietly. "I know I said this, but you've been acting a little clingy. Is everything alright?"

"I told you, Mikey wants to be with Leo today."

"I get that," Leo mumbles, shifting his weight a bit so they can sit a bit more comfortably. "But why? Is it because of last night?"

Mikey whimpers quietly.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm sorry it bothered you --"

Mikey pulls away and stares him in the eyes. That was probably not the right thing to say, Leo figures. Mikey's eyes seem to search Leo's for something.

"Mikey, why are you looking at me like that? Why are you so upset? What about last night upset you?"

"Mikey want Leo happy today."

"But why?" he asks.

"Leo said he's not always happy. Leo said he doesn't love himself sometimes. Mikey... Mikey wants to make Leo happy today so Leo knows I love Leo. Mikey make everything better... Mikey helps, Mikey do good..."

Mikey starts whimpering a little and his eyes tear up. Leo reaches around him and pulls him into a hug.

"Mikey, I know you love me. It's okay, I'm going to work on treating myself better and not letting those thoughts win. It's not your job to do that. But thank you, this really helps."

Mikey sniffles and nuzzles his face into the crook between Leo's neck and shoulder.

"...Mikey knows how hard it is to remember to be loved."

Leo glances out of the corner of his vision at Mikey, not daring to let go of the hug.

"Mikey... Mikey can't always remember things. Mikey has a hard time remembering. The labs... they took everything from Mikey. Nobody loves in the labs. Everybody just hates. Especially Instinct. He hates everyone a lot. Instinct CAN'T love, he just hates. Instinct kept Mikey alive, but not happy. Instinct always says 'Don't trust them', because he thinks everyone is going to hurt Mikey. But... he wasn't wrong. And the people at the labs... the 'evil humans'... they told me... I was a monster. Instinct told me I was a monster. And I had no choice but to believe them."

Mikey slowly glances back at his brother.

"So Mikey knows how it feels to not really love what you are. Mikey knows how hard it is.... and how much it hurts..."

Leo wraps his arms tighter around Michelangelo, squeezing him and not releasing until he hears the little guy squeak.

"We've been trying our best to show you that you're not a monster, Mikey."

"I know...."

"Because you're not a monster, Mikey. Nobody thinks that. Not me, not Raph, not --"

"I bit Raph, though!" Mikey protests meekly. "A-and I attacked you, you still have the scratches on your neck and leg -- aren't you mad? Or scared??"

"If I understand it right, I think technically it was Instinct who did those things," Leo corrects. "And even if it wasn't, Raph and I would never think anything bad about you."

Mikey rests his head against Leo's plastron.

"...Leo...?"

"Yeah?"

"...Will... will you love me if I really AM a monster?"

Leo rubs Mikey's head gently.

"Mikey, I love you so much. I'd love you if you were a worm. I'd love you if you were a non-mutated box turtle. And yes, I'd love you if you were a monster. And I love you now."

Mikey wonders what Leo means by 'I love you now'. He feels some hidden meaning behind the word. It unnerves him slightly, thinking that there is something dark hiding behind the word 'NOW', something terrible that he doesn't understand. Then again, there is very little that Mikey understands.

But he understands that he's different now. Though, somehow, they act like that isn't a bad thing. Or they act like he hasn't changed at all. Mikey's not sure if it's true or not, and he isn't sure how he feels about either prospect.

Looking on the outside, Mikey is astounded by the love they show him. He imagines that he deserves that love, he has earned it. Somehow.

"...Mikey loves you too, Leo. Please remember that."

"If you'll remember that I love you right back."

Mikey nods, churring softly as he hugs Leo again, just for good measure.

Mikey hopes that, if nothing else, he really will remember that.

Agent John Bishop sits at a desk and types several keywords into the computer. He's not a hacker, but he's learned a few tricks from Honeycutt about bypassing codes. He gave Bishop his login username and passkey so that he could piggyback off of his server without drawing attention. He's currently looking for any information that they have on Mikey's status. They can't track him anymore, but that doesn't mean they don't have other means of finding him. Cameras and drones and sweepers, oh my...!

Bishop types another line of code and uncovers a file from Chaplin's server: a map of New York overlayed on top of another schematic. Are those sewer tunnels? No, too winding and varied, plus there are tons of open areas that don't line up with the city plumbing codes. So then what...?

Bishop peers at it before recognizing a few of the structures and symbols. That's a city schematic. So, they've overlayed NYC overtop of another city? What --

Bishop realizes what this map is of.

How have they discovered the Hidden City so quickly?? Bishop and those two idiot mercs only found it yesterday! This isn't good news.

Bishop regrets not asking Casey for his info or a way to contact them. They need to know what's happening! But then again, it's probably for the best. If the EPF were to make any kind of security check on his phone for unknown numbers, they'd immediately find Casey and their whole family would be in danger. Besides, Bishop is aware that Casey probably doesn't own a cell or even have any sort of email. Someone with no records or identification whatsoever isn't going to just have a cell that can be tracked or traced.

He keeps on scrolling, going through the restricted channels. He finds a notice for the employees discussing something about Staten Island. He finds a timetable for some sort of mission or extraction. He finds a work order given to Honeycutt for a new program titled Mechanical Iambic: Mimicry Initiative Cybernetic. 'MI:M.I.C.' for short. Bishop can guess what the program does, but not what they would want it for.

They're planning something. An attack of some kind. For Mikey. Bishop has to act. But how? What can he do...

He quickly makes a printout of the mission timetable and map overlay and logs out quickly.

He messages Honeycutt to be careful and warns him about the program, asking that he intentionally sabotage it in a way they wouldn't notice. He hits send just as he gets up and leaves the abandoned office room.

Bishop is in the elevator. Honeycutt hasn't answered back yet. He usually responds within the first few seconds, especially with everything going. Bishop presses the button for the ground floor. He waits an eternity with the papers hidden in his interior jacket pocket. He presses the button again.

The doors open on the ground floor, and Honeycutt still hasn't offered any kind of response. It doesn't even say he's read the message. That's not like him... He stares down at his phone as he crosses through the lobby.

"Hey, John," says the receptionist, waving him down with a sparkling smile. "Going out again?"

Bishop smiles back at her kindly.

"Yep, just going on a coffee run. Want anything?"

"I might like a cappuccino," a voice says from the front.

Bishop turns in surprise to see Dr. Chaplin, standing with two very large guards at the front door.

"...Didn't take you for the cappuccino type," Bishop jokes.

"Well, we all have our little secrets now, don't we?" Chaplin replies, walking towards him with a strange smile. "Like you, for instance."

He looks Bishop over, analyzing him. Bishop wonders what he's up to... but this ominous talk of secrets doesn't bode well.

"...You know, Ms. Campbell told me about the odd hacker that had infiltrated our systems a few days back. Left a message, 'leave us alone', very ominous... did Honeycutt tell you about that?"

"Why would he?"

"You two have been rather chummy as of late," he says with a snakeish, sickly saccharine smile. "I thought you might have discussed it. But in any case, I tasked Ms. Campbell to search for anything out of the ordinary in the EPF/TCRI servers. Suspicious activity, piracy, hackers, that sort of thing."

$#!%, John Bishop thinks to himself.

"And she told me about someone downloading reports on Project Venus. Looking for information. And some of the researchers and analysts gave reports of important items going missing, like blood reports and DNA samples."

Bishop stays stone-faced.

"Do you want me to look into this?" he asks, hoping that all he has is speculation and no hard evidence.

"No, thank you though. I had Ms. Campbell set up a tracing modem earlier today."

The two guards walk up to Bishop and each grabs him by his arms.

Bishop's eyes widen as he realizes what's happening.

"She tracked you pretty quickly. And not only you," Chaplin informs, his smile slowly fading. "You used your friend's IP server to carry your signal and hide your hacks. Very good, very ingenious. Honeycutt is quite clever. But unfortunately for the two of you, his creations are more clever."

Agent Bishop struggles against the security guards as they start to search him, one taking his EPF standardized concealed weapon, the other reaching into his interior lining of his jacket and pulling out the printouts. He hands the sheets to Dr. Chaplin, who tuts at Bishop disappointedly.

"What are you planning? Where did you get that schematic?" Bishop demands.

"You're not exactly in a position to ask questions," Chaplin replies drably.

"But how could you possibly even know about --"

"What, the quote unquote, 'Hidden City'?" Dr. Chaplin chuckles. "Please. That pathetic ghetto of ghouls hasn't been a secret, especially not since the incident with the mosquitos and that maniac in the baseball field. Did you really think I wouldn't know about something like this? And it's not the only Yokai city I've come across. This is what got me into the study of mutations in the first place!"

"What do you want with them?!" Bishop shouts, pulling his arm as hard as he can to try and punch his former employer in anger.

Dr. Chaplin stares at the agent as though he just asked him the stupidest question in the world.

"My dear Bishop, I want absolutely nothing to do with them. That's the whole point of this."

Bishop is tugged back, his arms thrust behind him as the guards try to cuff him.

"Where's Zayton Honeycutt? What are you going to do to him?!" he snarls, desperate to wrench his arms free.

One of the guards punches Bishop in the gut, causing him to double over. He's half-held up by the guards as he struggles to get his breath back.

"The good old professor still has some usefulness for us. I see no reason to kill the golden goose just yet. You, on the other hand," Chaplin says, leaning close to his face. "You are an expendable agent with no connections or important qualities whatsoever. And you should have known better."

Dr. Chaplin snaps his fingers, and Agent John Bishop is dragged away, kicking and shouting and struggling.

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#tw mentions of suicidal thoughts #double mutated mikey #double mutation mikey #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanfic #fanfic update #fanfic rec #fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic #ficlet #short story #short stories #rottmnt angst #would you still love me if i was a worm

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writingquestionsanswered · 6 months ago

Note

Hi,

I'm an amateur novelist working on two books, and I'm close to finishing the first one. The problem is, I wrote it without dividing it into chapters. Could you kindly offer guidance on how to effectively divide my manuscript into chapters? Thank you for your time.

Have a lovely day - Annie💌💌

Dividing a Manuscript into Chapters

Chapters are made up of one to three scenes, so really what you're looking to do is find the scenes and group them together into chapters.

Scenes are like mini-stories that have their own central character, conflict or dilemma, and beginning/middle/end. A scene tends to take place within a relatively small interval of time, in a specific location. A scene ends when one of the following things happen:

-- the scene conflict is either resolved, leads to a setback, or creates a new question that the reader will want to have answered

-- the scene dilemma is resolved and leads to a decision (that must later be acted upon)

-- there is a big change in time (a few hours)

-- there is a big change in venue (biology class to gym class)

-- the POV character needs to change

So, the first thing you need to do is read through your story and break it up into its individual scenes using the information above. Once you have your scenes marked out, you can start grouping related scenes into chapters.

The scenes within a chapter should feel related in some way and will usually take place within related locations and a relatively short period of time.

Let's look at some theoretical scenes:

Scene 1 - Mindy is at the breakfast table with her family talking about her first day a t a new school.

Scene 2 - Mindy meets Jake on the bus and he agrees to be her tour guide for the day.

Scene 3 - Jake meets Mindy in the cafeteria at lunch and shows her around the school after they eat.

Scene 4 - the next afternoon, Mindy is in her backyard and has a video call with her sister where she talks about her new friend Jake.

Scene 5 - Mindy gets a text from Jake after her call with her sister, and is then asked by her parents to babysit her smaller siblings.

Now, to group these scenes into chapters...

Scene one is in Mindy's POV and takes place at her home the morning of her first day at school. Scene two, also from Mindy's POV, takes place on the bus on the way to school, so a little later that same morning. These two scenes are closely related because they share a POV character, both have to do with Mindy's first day at school, and since the bus takes her from home to school, it's not a significant change in location from home. So, scene one and two can be in one chapter together.

In scene three, we switch to Jake's POV, and we're now in the middle of the school day and focused not on preparing for Mindy's first day of school but actually living it. So, we know we're going to start a new chapter here.

With scene four, we're back in Mindy's POV and it's the next afternoon. Since we've jumped to a new POV, a new day, and a new location, we know we're going to start a new chapter.

Scene five takes place shortly after scene four and in the same location (home), so we can group scene four and five into one chapter.

I hope that makes sense!

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athreehundredthirtythree · 14 days ago

Text

A Story About Veilguard & Me

I normally pop on here, at infrequent intervals, to mindlessly reblog DA memes and art from mutuals. I very, very rarely post at all, and almost never in my own words. This time, though, I have to. And you'll have to forgive me--what I'm going to say might sound unkind or like I'm not giving the game a fair shake. Also, there will be MAJOR spoilers, and I'm going to get very personal. It will be long.

All this to say, I don't expect anybody to actually read it. Or care, for that matter.

But sharing is a part of grief. And I need to tell you a story.

My parents divorced when I was a kid, and my father moved 1800 miles away (approx. 2900 km for people who live in sensible countries), so my uncle was a formative figure in my life. He was snarky, sarcastic, brilliant, and kind. He was the sort of person who all the neighborhood kids considered a father figure. He was my first DM in my first tabletop RPG, and my first video game was Baldur's Gate, played as I sat on his lap. I made the decisions and he moved the characters and clicked things to make them happen. He was my first Valentine, sending me a Vermont Teddy Bear on Valentine's Day when I was a little girl. I'm in my 30s. I still have that bear. His son, my cousin, had prom the same night as mine since we went to the same school. But my uncle made sure to come over to my house to see when I was ready and tell me I looked beautiful. He was my father in all but name. When I was little, he brushed my hair and tucked me into bed at night, telling me story after story, improvised on the spot just for me.

When I was in college, he got sick. I was the last to know. My entire family knew before I did. My uncle apologized, said he hadn't meant to tell me last. He'd assumed my mom told me. She hadn't because she "hadn't wanted to upset me during the semester." I was upset, but, hey, at least I knew now. And my uncle was doing well and responding to treatment.

Some years passed. I had a kid. Then the worst loss of my life, followed a few months later by another kid. All the while, my uncle's health was in decline. I had to watch him go from being a bright, vibrant presence in my life, a sun I could guide myself around, to a husk of the person he was. But I would talk to him a lot. I tried to get him into Critical Role when he got too sick to play D&D anymore, so he could still keep it in his life. But my aunt couldn't figure out how to make the podcast work, despite my written instructions, sadly. Instead, I told him about anything I was doing--now I was telling him the stories, for a change: about my life, about my kids, about how we were all doing fine.

Everyone told me he was doing okay, he was in a status quo. He'd never get better, but at least he wasn't getting worse. Cold comfort is still comfort.

I came home after the holiday party at my job a few years later when my mom pulled me aside for a chat. My uncle's health was failing, she said, and my entire extended family had kept that from me because they didn't want me to be upset at work. I had a job to do, Mom said, and she wanted me to be able to focus.

It was as she was telling me this that she got the phone call. My uncle was dead.

Her lies made it so I never got to say goodbye in a way he could hear.

I will never forgive her that.

And she knows it. I've told her. And all she can say is she's sorry, but she made the best decision she could at the time. For the sake of a job I don't even have anymore.

All this to say: I hate Dragon Age: The Veilguard.

In this game, the writers at Bioware have just made me relive one of the worst things that ever happened to me. For the sake of a fun little plot twist.

It's not a fun little plot twist. It's not an extra twist of the fictional knife for pathos points. It is a real thing that happened to me--a light in my life went out and I lost a chance to say goodbye when it would have mattered because of someone else's lies.

Dragon Age was, bar none, my favorite video game series, and I have an encyclopedic knowledge of its lines and lore. I have loved it since the moment I booted up Origins. And now I don't know if I'll be able to play any of the games again, knowing how it ends for a character who, by every metric but height and hair color, is a dead ringer for the uncle I lost. Who was a comfort when my uncle died--I don't have my uncle anymore, but Varric was always there, a click away, endlessly supportive, with a one-liner and a story, so reminiscent of the presence I will forever miss.

Is that stupid? Sure. But who said grief has to be smart? I make no apologies.

The fact that Solas can be forgiven for this, can ride off into the sunset with a romanced Lavellan, and Varric's narration sounds approving of it... feels like a judgment. Varric's lines about it being "[his] decision, [his] sacrifice. And you [Rook/player] don't get to take that from me" feels like a very personal "fuck you." It feels like Varric, as an unromanceable character, despite fandom clamoring to smooch the dwarf since DA2, is more disposable than Solas. Fuck it, it's not like anyone loved him, right? It's not like he was integral to anyone's story.

I am aware that Bioware doesn't know I exist. I'm a random schlub on Tumblr, and people who've been callously lied to about a death in reality are a vanishingly small group of people, not an important bloc to consider. But if the entire company had set out to make a game to hurt me personally, if they'd had a vendetta against me and wanted to break my heart--and not in a fun, engaging fictional way like they usually manage, but in a way that reminds me of a very real grief and hurts in a very, very real way... this is the exact decision they would have made. To not just kill him, but to lie about it for the whole game. I could have been okay with a Varric death in this game. Hell, I intentionally bring him with me to do "In Hushed Whispers" in DAI so I can see the terror demon toss his corpse into the room for the extra pathos. Death in stories happens, particularly ones with stakes as high as this one.

But writing that affects you, that makes you feel, makes you think, makes you cry--it's only good as long as it's in good fun. And there's a vast gulf between "a story that made me cry" and "a story that made me fucking despair because I just realized I can't remember what my uncle's voice sounds like anymore and I'll never hear it again." Between "a story that gave my favorite character a send-off in a way I disliked" and "my uncle will never meet my son, and I just got a big, fuck-off reminder of that fact." And Veilguard is the latter.

I wish I could say I loved the game. I wish I could say the ending brought me the closure I never got. But closure is a lie; the wound doesn't close. You just learn to compensate. The story cracked my heart along fissures that will never heal. And it hurts as badly now as it did the day I lost him, when I found out how much my family, my own mother, lied to me and I lost out on the chance to say goodbye in any way that mattered.

A gentle reminder to any writers out there who've made it this far: remember your readers, your players, your audience all bring their own context to your story. A fun twist to you because you watched The Sixth Sense over the weekend can be deeply, heartbreakingly painful to a player, because they bring their own life to whatever tale you tell. Take care with how you treat your characters; they're fictional, sure, but that doesn't mean they're disposable--because what happens to them can matter more than you think to an audience member in grief.

Next month, it will have been five years since he died. A milestone and a tragedy. The son my uncle will never meet is sitting on my lap as I write this and try desperately to remember what his voice sounded like. And this time, there's no one, real or fictional, to offer that missing presence. Because knowing how the story ends changes how the beginning feels.

Thank you for reading.

#datv spoilers #dav spoilers #datv critical #dav critical #varric tethras #dragon age

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radioactive-metal · 21 days ago

Text

Aurora Legion timeline

ok folks it’s

tonight’s serious post

On the docket tonight…. My completely nonsense timeline of the aurora legion. This is all pure conjecture and so is basically fanfic. Dates are all wrong but screw it im tired.

Year 22xx (I forgot lol): the aurora legion is founded, construction work begins on aurora academy phase 0. The legion’s equipment consists of deactivated Terran and Beretreskan stock, as Aurora labs is yet to be set up. Year designated AL:0

AL:2: first class graduates from AL temporary headquarters on Luna. Crews assigned to fend off pirate raids near trask and provide aid to a beleaguered Terran colony in the Sirius system. Aurora Academy Phase 0 50% complete.

AL:5: aurora academy phase 0 complete. Thrusters, power generation, life support finished. Phase 1 started.

AL:10: Aurora Labs begin operation. First piece of equipment produced is a new type of pistol, known as a disruptor, primarily designed to incapacitate, it becomes the standard sidearm of the legion. Phase 1 33% complete

AL:20: number of active squads reaches 100, flying missions around Terran and Beretreskan space. The first prototype Longbow MK.1 enters trials after being built at the Martian shipyards. Phase one 80% complete

AL:23: Phase one complete, legion HQ moves to the now habitable Aurora academy, and the first class is inducted. The stream system is introduced to improve squad efficiency. Construction begins on Aurora Yards in the asteroid belt of the Aurora system.

AL:30: Long Bows enter high rate production, with new ships rolling off the line on biweekly intervals. Phase two of the Aurora Academy begins

AL:55: Long Bow MK.2 enters testing at Aurora Yards. Fleet size reaches 200 active vessels, 180 Aurora Spec Longbow class, 7 Terran Indomitable class destroyers, 6 Beretreskan Kysshakk class frigates, 4 Terran Dreadnaught class light cruisers, and 1 Terran Battleship, the Indefatigable.

AL:63: also known as Black ‘63, this year marked the loss of Nari Kim and battleship Indefatigable at the hands of what was later identified as a Sydrathi Warbreed Hunter-killer fleet. 7 squads are lost in the line of duty after a supply run to a supposed refugee fleet that opened fire for unclear reasons. Kysshakk class frigates Clan-of-fury and Beetle-back engage and destroy. Later analysis showed it to be a pirate fleet in disguise. Phase 2 40% complete.

AL:70: Longbow MK.2 introduced, with better payload capacity, range, firepower, and resistance to the kind of sensor jamming that lead to Black ‘63. Phase 2 64% complete

AL:90: The last of the original founders dies. A memorial service is held and attended by 85% of personnel. Development begins on the Polearm class of frigates to replace the aging Indomitable and Kysshakk class vessels. Station AL-02 begins construction on border territories of Terra and Trask, to act as a forward operating base. Phase 2 completed. Original specs for Aurora academy met. Additional expansion plans, and development phases 3-7 are drawn up.

AL:107: Polearm MK.1 enters service. Active fleet reaches 400 vessels, primarily Long Bow MK.2s. A new flagship is acquired by the Legion, the former TDF Dauntless.

AL:120: first communication with the syldrathi. War declared between Terra and her allies and Syldra. AL remains neutral and offers aid to those caught in the crossfire. Heavy losses incurred. First large scale deployment of Polearms, who can stand toe to toe with sydrathi vessels 50% larger than themselves

AL:130: Completion of phases 3,4, and 5 (done concurrently) introduction of the Longbow MK.4, notable for its complete redesign of defensive plating, engines, and weapons to massive effect, and initial testing of Blockhouse class Carriers and their sister class Iron Cannon Cruisers. Active fleet reach’s 1000.

AL:138: the Battle of Orion. Huge losses among aurora legion forces, loss of last remaining Dreadnought class cruiser. 20th Blockhouse/Iron cannon class vessel enters service.

AL:150: Battle of Aurora, station heavily damaged by Rahaam fleet, 33% of active personnel lost. Gladius class picket ship introduced, designed to be manned by only 3 crew. Due to damage, phases 6 and 7 are started ahead of schedule, to be completed by AL:175. Battleship Dauntless lost along with Admiral Adams.

AL:157: Tyler Jones selected as new Admiral of the fleet, and orders a shifting of footing to a humanitarian stance.

might do a speculative future timeline as well. Might come back to this later and patch it up in really tired RN.

#aurora burning #aurora cycle #aurora rising #auroras end

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janamelie · 10 months ago

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Rocky Horror Stage Show Review

As a glance at my blog will tell you, I rarely post about “Rocky Horror” as it’s not my main fandom, but I’ve loved it for 30 years and have just attended a stage show for the first time since the 90s so am writing down my thoughts for my own benefit and sharing here.

I was aware that the current production is somewhat different both from the film and the stage show I saw back in 1994 starring Jonathon Morris. (Yes, I am a Gen Xer and was heartened to see how many others in my age bracket attended, many in costume.)

If anyone’s curious, this was the earlier Friday performance at Wolverhampton Grand Theatre in the UK.

I’ll get the negative part out of the way first and it’s nothing to do with the actual show. Unfortunately there was someone near me who had an ongoing argument with someone who was with her throughout the show and at times it interfered with my enjoyment. (It definitely wasn’t audience participation; I know the difference.)

She carried on doing it after the interval despite being spoken to by staff. During Columbia’s emotional “I loved you!” speech, “Toucha-toucha-touch me” and other quieter parts it spoiled it a bit for me. After the show ended a bloke in full Frank drag told her off publicly for “being an arsehole” and I'm afraid to say she deserved it. If you’re not interested in a show, stay at home and don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

Science Fiction, Double Feature

I love this song and the Usherette’s actress performed it well, getting into the spirit of things straight away with stockings and wiggles.

Dammit Janet

Another really catchy song and the actors handled it well. They both have strong singing voices which is good as I have seen a Brad who wasn’t that great in that respect.

The Narrator’s first appearance was amusing as he ad-libbed in response to the standard insults thrown at Brad and Janet: “They can hear you, you know!” (The actors were currently frozen onstage so he could do his bit and he joked they weren’t allowed to move or there would be dire punishments.)

The Narrator was a highlight throughout - it really does improve on the film version when the pompous character is actually in on the joke and interacting.

Over At The Frankenstein Place

Well performed again and I enjoyed the audience holding up coloured lights to accompany it. Riff-Raff’s first appearance got so much applause he just started singing right over it.

The majority of the audience seemed to have seen the show before or at least the film although the Narrator did jokily “spoil” them with his line “Stranger than a sex-crazed transvestite from outer space - whoops, spoilers!”

A word on the audience callbacks which have of course been a staple since the 70s. There was a reasonable amount but not too much. I have seen shows which were closer to the film and people would yell after almost every line which got a bit much so this was just about right.

Our hapless couple enter the Castle and are immediately surrounded by Riff Raff, Magenta and Columbia who play it more as pantomime villains than in the film but this doesn’t bother me as theatre doesn’t have close-ups and needs to play to the gallery. The Eddie plotline is hinted at and then of course it’s…

The Time Warp

What can I say about this one? Always a showstopper and had everyone on their feet. Brilliant. Columbia got to do her tap solo which was a highlight as it is in the film. And we’ve barely recovered from that before…

Sweet Transvestite

Woohoo. Frank’s actor was great, as charismatic and confident as you need to be for that part. He embraced the sensual nature of the role and had physical interactions with practically everyone, even Dr Scott and in the encore, the Narrator by ripping aside his trousers to reveal stockings and suspenders.

The lab scene whizzes by and soon it’s Rocky’s entrance with…

The Sword Of Damocles

Thoughts on Rocky’s characterisation - of course in the film they went for a non-actor who was well-muscled as required for the role and had him only speak when singing. I actually think Peter Hinwood’s performance works really well as the whole point of Rocky is that he’s just been born and everything is new to him.

But in the stage show Rocky speaks and is more openly rebellious, even telling Frank to piss off twice. This tends to mean casting a professional actor who isn’t as muscular as Frank’s dialogue implies but that wasn’t an issue here - the actor had both acting chops and muscles. The relationship between Rocky and Frank is a lot closer to equal.

Rocky compliments Frank on his “good job with the bodywork” and we go into…

I Can Make You A Man

I’m going to be honest, this is probably my least favourite “RH” song which isn’t to say I don’t like it. I just don’t share Frank’s muscle fetish. But it was well staged and leads into one of my favourites…

Whatever Happened To Saturday Night?

This song rocks hard and Eddie’s actor did it justice. Not sure it got quite as much applause as it deserved but I get it - we’ve just met him, he’s taken the focus off Frank and is about to be unceremoniously killed for that. I adore the way the film stages the song with all the Transylvanians rocking out too.

So Frank chases Eddie offstage with a chainsaw and returns to reprise “I Can Make You A Man”. I’ll add here that as far as I’m concerned, no production which includes this blatantly queer, unashamedly lustful song is in danger of becoming too “mainstream”. Frank was all over Rocky, complete with gyrating. Even this audience which were certainly the most tolerant in that respect that I’ve been in still reacted to the stronger parts. Mostly with approval though.

I realise that things have changed since the 90s in that respect and as an elder queer myself, it warms my heart. I do think it’s partly that the plot of “Rocky Horror” is better known now. And thank God for that as I don’t need to be in another audience who apparently thought they’d come to watch “The Sound Of Music” and nearly walked out.

After the interval, it’s directly into the bedroom seduction scenes which are staged a bit differently from the film and earlier stage shows - we go straight into (strongly) implied oral sex with first Janet and then Brad, both of whom only then find out that it’s Frank rather than their fiance / fiancee respectively. After which both agree to more sex without too much persuasion needed, as long as Frank doesn’t tell anyone.

All I’m going to say is that “Rocky Horror” has always been problematic. It’s basically an X-rated panto and taking it seriously is kind of missing the point. I enjoy analyses of it though. But when you’re watching it live the music tends to override all that as it’s such a good time.

The production manages to make the Frank / Brad sex scene even more gay by having Riff Raff pop up next to them. Nothing happens as he’s just there to tell Frank that Rocky’s loose but for a second you think there’ll be a m/m/m threesome. Which would of course fit the undercurrent in both show and film that Riff Raff at least is attracted to Frank if maybe not vice versa.

I hope I’m remembering this next part in sequence. Janet enters the lab feeling guilty and upset and meets Rocky who’s hiding from Frank (the aforementioned woman who wouldn’t shut up meant I missed part of the dialogue and it differs from the film. Grrr).

I think Rocky says something to raise Janet’s suspicions so she uses the monitor to search the Castle’s rooms and gets an eyeful of Frank and Brad getting it on. I’ve never been clear as to whether her hypocritical shock is due to the fact that Brad’s having gay sex whereas she had straight sex but at least it leads to another of my faves…

Touch-a touch-a touch me

I love this in the film and it was well done here. My only quibble is that Magenta and Columbia were up in the rafters and just provided a chorus rather than the full-on sapphic frisson which Patricia Quinn and Little Nell treat us to in the film. But I guess it would be hard to make that work on stage.

Exit Janet and Rocky, enter Brad who also uses the monitor and sees his beloved with Rocky. I’m not sure how much emotional sense it makes for him to then launch into…

Once In A While

But I don’t care because this was actually a highlight which it’s never been before in stage productions I’ve seen. I understand it being cut from the film as it would have killed the momentum stone dead.

But in this frantically paced stage production it’s a welcome quiet moment and as I said before, Brad’s actor had the voice to pull it off without the Narrator needing to take the piss out of him to keep audience interest.

Oddly though, Janet reappears in the rafters and sings along with the latter part of the song which makes no sense since she’s supposed to be shagging Rocky right now. I suppose it’s a way to indicate she’s having second thoughts about wrecking her relationship which fits how the show leaves Janet and Brad, hinting they’ll reconcile.

Followed by Frank whipping Riff Raff (offstage of course, they don’t want to cause actual bodily harm to an actor) for letting Rocky escape and wailing about Rocky’s betrayal as he finds it out via that extremely convenient plot device, the monitor. Via which they also notice Dr Scott’s arrival.

Once Scott’s inside, Rocky and Janet reappear and we get that hilarious repeated “Janet!” “Dr Scott!” etc exchange which was milked for maximum humour, ending in Rocky telling Frank to piss off which was a bit jarring for me being such a film aficionado. Although Hinwood’s glare does kind of imply that.

Dr Scott brings up Eddie and rather than the film’s “unknowing cannibalism” scene we just get the actors passing a joint of meat around and pantomiming shock which is fine by me as that bit is gross, let’s face it.

It’s like that meme - I can excuse murder, very dubious consent and incest but I draw the line at cannibalism. Nah, just kidding, it doesn’t bother me that much.

Eddie’s Teddy

A nice ensemble number which I don’t have much to say about. Fine.

Planet Schmanet Janet

Good song which delivers the necessary exposition regarding the Floor Show, followed by Columbia snapping and confronting Frank about how he uses people but instead of getting frozen as in the film she’s hit with drugged gas and has a lengthy trip played for laughs.

Not sure about this change as surely it’s enough to have her frozen like the others to explain her continued participation. It changes the situation from Columbia voluntarily staying in the Castle even though she knows Frank doesn’t love her to her actively deciding to leave until she’s hit with the gas. Not keen.

Having frozen everyone except Magenta and Riff Raff, Frank reacts to her question about when they’ll return to Transylvania by saying their loyalty will be rewarded and this is interestingly different from the film. He says “You will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous” and pulls at her legs (she’s seated) in a way which makes it blindingly obvious he means sexually.

Her retort “I ask for nothing, Master” happens as Riff Raff chases Frank away from her in an obvious nod to their incestuous relationship (yes, we do get the “My most beautiful sister” line). I really didn’t get the sense that Magenta has any sexual interest in Frank even in this production let alone in the film. Riff Raff, on the other hand, is jealous as hell of him but also wants him. (Although I was seated to the far side so may have missed some nuances.)

So, to the Floor Show. “Rose Tint My World” is such a banger. It was beautifully staged with stunning costumes and lighting as Columbia, Rocky, Brad and finally Janet pop through the curtains in their basques, stockings and suspenders in rapid succession for their solo verses and then Frank makes his starring entrance for “Don’t Dream It, Be It” and “Wild And Untamed Thing”. Love it.

Then of course Riff Raff and Magenta crash the party and Frank pleads for his life with “I’m Going Home” which was sung and performed beautifully and again, got so much applause that the actors had to talk over it.

Frank takes the time during it to have affectionate moments with all four of his most recent paramours which is a nice touch, especially as he seems genuinely upset when Columbia tries to shield him from Riff Raff and is mercilessly shot dead. For a moment at least, then self-preservation takes over. But in vain, and he and Rocky also die. I’m sentimental (sorry Magenta, don’t kill me) so I like the confirmation that Rocky clearly did feel something for Frank even if he was scared of him.

Riff Raff orders Dr Scott to leave but not Brad and Janet. Clearly an oversight somewhere as the Castle takes off into space in an impressive special effects explosion and there they still are to perform “Super Heroes”. They first walk away from each other then change their minds, hug and walk off together, hinting all is not lost for their relationship.

The sweetly melancholy tone continues for the “Science Fiction, Double Feature” reprise. But like the film, they’re nice enough to leave us on a higher note, in this instance by bringing the whole cast back onstage for an encore of the “Time Warp” (this time including Frank which I love) and part of “Sweet Transvestite”.

Excellent decision both to leave us on a musically upbeat note and to (sort of) fix the ending which does kind of fit the “Kill your gays” trope. I know that’s because the show is a celebration of old sci-fi films which usually did kill anyone even remotely like Frank but these days, who cares how awful he is if considered realistically? He’s not real, he’s literally an alien and there is no reason he has to die except for drama, so bring him back at the end. He’s too good to waste.

So that’s it. I had a great time and as always loved the inclusive atmosphere.

#rocky horror show #rocky horror #rocky horror picture show #rhps

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smninthisworldd · 11 months ago

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- ͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ Babysitter next door ; König x fem!OC ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌

i am so incredibly sorry it took me this long to post, but i promise i’m here… i’ve always been here 😽

❝SUMMARY OF CHAP 5: A month after Ella’s big day, König and Jasmine end up being closer than ever. But then, things turn cold between them… until things get better. A lot better…❞

w.c: 3000 ; part 5/?

PREVIOUS CHAPTER MASTERLIST

A month had passed since Ella’s birthday. König stayed with his daughter for a whole week, taking her to car trips and luna parks, to the beach and to her favorite fast foods. He won Ella many plushies awards for winning at numerous luna park arcades and games, and she couldn’t be happier to take those home as a beautiful memory of that week.

But all good things eventually come to an end. When it was time for König to leave for work, Jasmine offered to babysit her again, not wanting the little girl to be alone. And Ella didn’t want to stay with her grandparents, so she was glad she could stay with Jas.

König was also very pleased to see their bond getting stronger and stronger, and when Ella was happy, he was happy.

He regularly came home at two-week intervals during that month, from Friday to Sunday. And he would leave again on Monday, stay two weeks away and return home next Friday.

Until he finally got his 30 days off in August. Military service members earn 30 days of paid leave per year, and König finally got his.

He returned home on a Tuesday, late at night. The apartment lights were off, and it was very silent. He assumed Ella and Jas were both sleeping, so he walked carefully in the apartment although his combat boots made loud thuds with every step.

He took off his vest and placed his suitcases near the couch, and he would’ve expected to find Jasmine sleeping there, but she wasn’t. He immediately panicked a little bit, wondering where she was and why she wasn’t there.

König then walked into Ella’s room to check on her only to find her sleeping like an angel. He smiled at the sight, and closed the door refusing to disturb her sleep.

His shirt was the next thing to come off, as it was all sweaty and dirty - he needed a shower. When he reached his bedroom, he found Jasmine in his bed, reading a book. Hair tied up, glasses on. And she was wearing one of his shirts.

König smirked at the sight, raising his eyebrows slightly. «Jas.» he greeted her, his lips curling into a smile.

She blushed heavily seeing him shirtless, and she felt guilty for being in his bed, wearing his shirt. «König! I’m sorry I grabbed one of your shirts, I…»

«No problem, Jas. Don’t worry.» König interrupted her, smiling. «You can wear any of my shirts wherever you want, as long as they fit you comfortably.»

Jasmine closed the book and smiled at him as if to say “thank you.” Instead, she asked: «How are you?»

«Tired.» he replied, his back now facing her while he grabbed some clean sweatpants, underwear and a towel. That back. That sculpted, muscular back. His muscles flexing with each movement, even the slightest one. And Jasmine couldn’t stop admiring him. «But I desperately need a shower.»

«Oh… about that…» she started, causing König to look at her from over his shoulder. «I don’t know why, but water doesn’t flow in your bathroom. Ella and I had to shower in my apartment, so… I guess you, uhm… you’ll have to use my shower, too.»

König chuckled, facing her now. «I’ll have that checked as soon as possible.» He walked toward his bedroom door, and gestured Jasmine to follow him. She obliged immediately, and they both exited his apartment.

«Will Ella be okay? She’s sleeping alone…» Jasmine worried.

«She’s deeply sleeping.» König locked the door to his apartment. «And I’ll be right next door.»

Meanwhile, Jasmine opened her apartment’s door and walked in, followed by König. She gulped nervously, placing her keys on the table and turning to look at him, while nervously leaning on the table as he took his boots off. «Go ahead, you know where the bathroom is.» she said, forcing herself to sound as calm and relaxed as possible.

König looked down at her and smiled, extending his veiny arm to leave his own keys there. In doing so, his body leaned closer to Jasmine’s and his arm nearly touched her waist. «Thank you, Jas.» he whispered, before walking toward her bathroom.

She remained there for a moment, trying to process what just happened. She sighed deeply, heavily blushing; her heart was pounding in her chest and her skin nearly shivered. Just the mere, simple thought of König touching her waist, even as a mistake, drove her crazy. Jas took a seat at the table, sighing again as she waited for König to exit the bathroom.

In the meantime, König entered Jasmine’s bathroom and was immediately overwhelmed by the amazing and delicious yet subtle scent of the room: vanilla, honey and chocolate. He could also smell coconut and amber, too. And it all was because of her perfumes, elegantly placed on some wall shelves near the large mirror, along with Jasmine’s hair products and skincare. Her bathroom was so clean and elegant, just like the rest of her apartment. Just like her.

König closed his eyes and inhaled the sweet and enveloping scent of her, and smiled. He took off his pants and underwear and walked into the shower, and all of Jasmine’s shower gels, scrubs and shampoos smelled so much he was tempted to try everything.

But he decided to use just a little bit of some vanilla body wash, from the largest bottle. Just so it won’t be too much of a waste. As he rubbed in on his body, he could smell Jasmine. It smelled exactly like her. König’s eyes closed, and he massaged the fragranced shower gel all over himself, losing his mind over the smell of the woman he’d been fantasizing about for the last months.

He knew he had to make a move. To let her know that he liked her. Was he shy? Scared? Afraid of her rejection? He didn’t even know. Maybe all of the above. But maybe… maybe this was his chance. Maybe he could make his move that night. The silence of the night and the fact they were alone in Jasmine’s apartment gave him an immediate boost of courage and confidence.

König ran his hands through his hair to clear his thoughts - although his mind couldn’t stop thinking about Jasmine - and rinsed off the excess bubbles that her body wash left on his body with hot water. He got out of the shower and looked at his reflection in the mirror while wiping his body with the towel, and put on his clean grey sweatpants after that.

He then walked back toward the kitchen and saw Jasmine sitting at the table, scrolling through her phone. He smiled and walked behind her, gently caressing her hair as he approached her. «Your bathroom smells really nice. I used a bit of your vanilla shower gel, I hope you don’t mind.»

Jasmine looked up at him as his hand remained in her hair, slowly moving toward the side of her face. «Not at all.» The blush on her face made her look even more attractive and sweet, which König really, really liked.

He liked - no, loved - seeing his partners, in general, blush. Especially when he was the reason. It was a confidence booster for him, and it awakened his more dominant side. He was a very passionate man, a provider. And what he looked for was a more shy and quite submissive partner he could please at all times.

König smirked, carefully caressing Jasmine’s cheek with his thumb. She was looking at him shyly, her face all flustered and her cheeks so warm and red. And he loved it. He sighed loudly, his thumb slowly moving toward her mouth and tracing the outline of her pretty lips, tempting and deliciously soft.

Her sweet eyes, big and shy, looking at him and then looking away, and then at him again and away once more.

«Look at me, Jas.»

That was everything she needed to hear. Everything she wanted to hear. Her eyes went from looking at his sculpted abs and his subtle happy trail to his defined chest and broad shoulders, up to his narrowed eyes, piercing through her.

«Good girl.»

Jasmine panicked. Fucking panicked. A shiver ran down her spine, and her stomach filled with fluttering butterflies. Her hands were sweating, her thighs squeezed together in a desperate attempt to hide and suppress how turned on she was. Where did all this come from? Since when was König like that with her? But… did she mind? Not at all.

König’s thumb stopped on her mouth, while the rest of his hand grabbed her chin gently and tilted it upward. He caressed her bottom lip and softly parted her lips, while he took a deep breath and used his other hand to caress her hair.

Jasmine gulped loudly, closing her eyes for a moment and looking at him as he slowly bent down toward her. His face closer and closer to hers. «Jas…»

«König…» she whispered.

She leaned even closer to his face, not resisting another moment, wanting to feel his lips on hers.

«Papa!»

Ella’s voice. König immediately stepped back and panicked, grabbing his keys and making his way out of Jasmine’s apartment. She followed him, driven by instinct, and wanted to make sure the little girl was okay.

König slammed the door open and ran toward Ella’s room, where he found her crying in her bed. He immediately pulled her into a tight hug and caressed her hair, asking what was going on.

«I had a nightmare…» she replied, to which König answered with a relieved sigh and smile. He looked at Jasmine and smiled softly as she approached Ella to caress her back.

«It’s okay, princess.» König whispered. He turned to Jasmine again, and to his surprise she held the eye contact, due to the tension between them.

They were about to kiss.

At the thought, Jasmine blushed heavily and took a few steps back. She smiled softly at König and waved, mouthing a “Good night”. König smiled and winked, as Jas left his apartment.

The following few days were… weird, to say the least. Jasmine and König didn’t speak that much often anymore, and König was cold whenever they greeted each other.

Jasmine realized it was all because of that kiss they were about to exchange. Maybe it was a mistake for him, she thought. Or maybe it would only make everything more difficult, for Ella too.

Her thoughts were eating her alive, haunting her, until, one evening, she had the response to that.

Both König and Jasmine went out to throw the garbage, and met in the hallway. Jasmine smiled at him and he greeted her with a nod; «Allow me» he then said, picking up Jasmine’s heavy bag.

«Thanks.» Jasmine smiled, heading toward her apartment. But just then, König called out her name and gestured her to follow him.

So she did, and to her relief, they talked the whole time. About trash, yes. But at least now they spoke to each other.

As they headed back to their floor, König gently grabbed Jasmine’s hand and made her look into his eyes. «Can we talk, Jas?»

She looked at him with a bit of a worried expression, given his seriousness all of a sudden, but nodded.

König led her into his apartment and they sat on the couch; «I’m sorry.» he started.

«For what?» she asked, her brows knitting.

König sighed, and looked in her eyes. «For not talking to you after… what happened. I acted like an asshole, and I shouldn’t have treated you like this. I…» he paused, trying to find the right words. «I was afraid you’d refuse me. I still am. But you deserve to know how I feel about you.»

Jasmine’s eyes widened by hearing those words, but she didn’t mouth a word, and wanted to hear what König wanted to tell her.

«From the moment I’ve laid my eyes on you, I liked you. A lot. And it’s not just about your looks, which of course, attract me very much…» he said, with a little smile. «It’s your personality and intelligence that I absolutely adore about you. I love the way you carry yourself and your manners. I love your attitude, even when it’s a lot to handle, and I love your sensitivity. And I love your smile.» he said, gently caressing her cheek as she blushed. «I love seeing you blush like that, and seeing your eyes widen a bit when it happens.»

He paused for a moment, admiring her features before continuing: «Your smile brings a little dimple right here at the end of your lips, which I love.» he lowered his tone, caressing the edge of her smile. He then moved his hand to the side to caress her hair. «And I love how soft your hair is, and how it always smells like vanilla. I could never get enough of this sweet scent of yours.»

Jasmine blushed more, still looking into his eyes and not believing that this was really happening. He lowered his hand near her jawline and his other hand joined, caressing her face as his eyes followed those movements. «I love how beautiful you are, inside out. You’re genuine, sweet and hot headed when tou want to, and I know I want to take care of you, not only as a friend.» he admitted, shyly. «It was difficult for me not speaking to you these days. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea… it only enhanced how much I like you…»

His voice lowered again, and his face crept closer to hers. «…and how bad I want to kiss you.»

Jasmine’s lips parted, and they looked into each other’s eyes for a moment…

Before she grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him into that kiss.

It was gentle, tender. König’s lips were softly pressed against hers, and slowly, he asked permission to use his tongue to deepen it. Jas allowed it, and one of his hands moved to the back of her neck, pulling her even closer.

Jasmine’s back straightened and her hands caressed König’s hair and cheeks, before they pulled apart for a moment, heavy breathing.

«Is this your way of telling me you feel the same?» he asked after a long moment, locking eyes with her.

Jasmine smiled and whispered a «Yes.»; she looked at his lips again, and then around the room. Soon, her expression changed into a worried one. She stood up and blushed heavily. «W-wait… what will Ella think of this?!» she asked, pointing toward her room.

König chuckled and picked her up princess style, sitting back on the couch with her in his lap. «Ella is not even home. She’s sleeping at one of her friends’ house: they’re having a tea party sleepover.» he said, reassuring her a little bit.

«But… we should tell her. She deserves to know.» Jasmine said, her expression still morphed into one of worry. «I… how will she even look at me now?»

«Will you stop worrying about Ella?» König said with a laugh. «She loves you. And I’m sure she will love you even more.»

Meanwhile, Jas placed her head on his shoulder, her cheeks red and warm by thinking about that kiss. It was just unbelievable.

They cuddled like that for some minutes, enjoying each other’s arms and warmth, while König’s hands caressed Jasmine’s sides so softly she was starting to fall asleep in his arms.

«Are you this comfortable around me?» he whispered, kissing her forehead gently. Jasmine answered with a smile and a nod, snuggling as closer as possible, wanting to feel that embrace in her bones.

«Would you be more comfortable in my bed?»

König’s sudden question caught her off guard. She immediately lifted her head, her face bright red. Of course she felt excited about his request… but really? That was what König was thinking about?

König blushed as well, immediately laughing at himself. «Oh, I apologize, it came out absolutely wrong.»

He cleared his throat before rephrasing: «I was thinking… maybe we could sleep together? Only sleep, though, I promise. I wasn’t thinking of anything else.»

Jasmine laughed as he slightly panicked while saying that. She found it adorable how such a grown and fearless man could be so vulnerable and sincere in moments like these.

Blushing, she nodded lightly. «I think I would actually like a cuddle tonight.»

König’s eyes sparkled of joy and he kissed her lips again. This time, it was just a simple, small and gentle kiss, but it made Jasmine turn red once more.

He then picked her up easily and carried her to his room. Of course, it was a particular moment for him and his urges, but he managed to keep calm. For Jas, he would do anything. And especially, he wouldn’t do anything if she wasn’t up to it.

Once there, König sat on his giant bed with her in his arms and gently placed her down beside him. She shyly lifted the covers over her and yelped when König’s strong and massive arm pulled her into a tight hug, her back against his chest.

His other arm slipped under her pillow, and his hand met hers. Slowly and gently, he caressed her hand and locked fingers, holding her tightly to himself while the scent of her hair was invading his nostrils in such a sweet way, he couldn’t get enough of.

~ someoneinthisworldd ; please do not copy.

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bsaka7 · 8 months ago

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tagged to post my 9 favourite album with commentary by @mathewbaldzal !!!! we r two peas in a pod i think with having a lot to say about some tunes...

in no particular order...

different class (1995) - pulp. this is not my no1 album of all time because i don't have a favorite album of all time, but this album is in part representative of "getting into music" to me. i love 90s britpop, whatever that means for a random american and this is my fav of em all (though i do actually quite rate this is hardcore in pulp's discography). "common people" is one of the songs of ALL TIME. god jarvis's little sing-song sleazyness gets me. really, really, really great classic performance of it at glasto 1995...for some reason "pencil skirt" also always really hits.

home video (2021) - lucy dacus. the newest album on this list by a long shot, but it's had songs in my top5 year end lists since it came out. i've also seen lucy live <3. this album rises above some of the others in similar company (punisher - phoebe bridgers, the boygenius ep, etc) because i never get tired of it. "first time" "hot & heavy" "brando" and "triple dog dare" are nearly always standbys in my listening history. probably gonna be an album-i-listened-to-in-college classic forever...

songs of love and hate (1971) - leonard cohen. maybe none of my favorite leonard cohen songs are on this album, but as a single work, this album stuns me. possibly the most transfixing 44:21 i've ever heard. his lyricism in particular is -- i can't even describe it. the mix with his voice, the sparseness of the instrumentation at time, the harmonies. i'm not a big stories guy but in this, yeah, the songwriting, the stories. i don't think there's another album like this one out there, really.

if you're feeling sinister (1998) - belle & sebastian. the first time i heard this album, i thought i had never heard an album so perfect. i love songs off of it but i nearly always listen to it whole. i love, love, love b&s's early sound (twee, if you will), and stuart murdoch's lyrics really, really shine. this is one of my favorite albums to listen to when i have a headache because it's lovely to just, focus on but not grating at all. i really love "judy and the dream of horses" and "get me away from here i'm dying". really, a beautiful work

rumours (1977) - fleetwood mac. i was sort of scrolling through some of my playlists trying to decide what to put on this list (it's a bit weighted towards stuff that's in rotation now) and i couldn't leave off fleetwood mac (in part to represent the huge part of my music taste that is like. classics 1965-1980). stevie nicks was one of my earlier music obsessions (the OG was the beatles). so many wonderful songs and riffs. i know this was left off the original 12-inch but "silver springs" is one of my favorite songs forever and ever and ever...

nebraska (1982) - bruce springsteen. when it comes down to it, this is my favorite springsteen album. i do think his 1975-1987 run of albums is pretty much perfect but nebraska is a masterpiece in a way that i find hard to express in words. there's a sense of sparseness and distance in this work (in part bc of how it was recorded) that i find so utterly compelling i can't even describe. "nebraska" - especially this 1984 live version - is a perfect song to me. perfect. i also like a lot of the stuff that went into inspiring this album (notably flannery o'connor) and well. where it fits into springsteen's narritivization of his own life (dude was in the dumps).

all killer, no filler (2001) - sum41. this pick is a little bit representative of the era of my life where i basically exclusively listened to pop punk but if songs of love and hate is an album that's perfectly drawn out, this is an album that's perfectly compressed. like, the title is correct. this album is fucking TIGHT. i used to listen to it at a job i hated to make the 30-min intervals go by. and it's got such classics...."fat lip"..."motivation..." of course, "in too deep." SO good.

what did you expect from the vaccines? (2011) - the vaccines. maybe this pick is a tiny bit cheesy but it is a perfect encapsulation of the era of alt rock it came from. which i love. i really like the vaccines, i think they're super fun and i did see them in concert finally and they totally lived up to that. "wetsuit" is again...one of my favorite songs of all time. "if you wanna" is a perpetual banger.

age of consent (1983) - new order. again, an album that deserves to be listened to whole, despite how good "age of consent" hits alone ever single time. sometimes i think i like another new order album more than this, but i don't. sumner's voice just out-of-tune ringing out over that sound, that new order sound, the bass, that post-punk club vibe. they're a band that don't sound like anyone else, and this is the album most indicative of that. wow, every time.

a few narrow misses

boxer (2007) - the national. i didn't get the national until one day i did. "slow show." my god. hello.

very (1993) - pet shop boys. it's too simple to say this is an album about gay love because it's so embedded in it's context but. this is an album with so much love. psb are brilliant.

the execution of all things (2002) - rilo kiley. jenny lewis CALL ME. also like. you know "a better son/daughter". there's more.

a thousand suns (2010) - linkin park. i used to listen to this at 6th grade cross-country practice. first band i ever got into on my own. idk.

this is not only my favorite albums but a pretty decent summation of the broad strokes my overall taste. thank you again for the tag!! i enjoyed doing this a lot :). idk who has done this/on what blogs so if u have PLEASEEEEE send it to me i want to see!! i tag @lfcrobbo @upthebrackets @girlfriendline @odegoob @amandaleveille @thelittlebirdthatkeptsomanywarm @kritischetheologie @bright-and-burning @a-corn-field if any of u want to but no presh!!!

#i HAVE been listening to albums off some of these that i've seen ppl do (sez i've only listened to wisecrack but more of urs r on my list)#and there have been notable instances of me falling in LOVE with albums off things like these others have done (c mentioning the midnight #organ fight and passive me aggressive you which have become mainstays for me lol)#SO like always if u wanna chat about music or rec me things i'm so here lololol #shshshsh why did i think i had to tag 9 ppl i'm sitting there like oh gotta get 9 and then realized it's just however many u want.#well i want to know everything about all music taste ever so 9 it is...#tag game #yahooo!!!! <33333333333

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