#positively crying as I am LOOKING
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Just so u know - I AM NOT GONNA SHUT UP AB THIS EVER !!!!!!!! 😭💜
self ship commission for @manadesia <333
#ITS SO CUTEEEE#positively crying as I am LOOKING#your art style is so perfect for real ahhhhh !!! 💜💜💜#dtmg#absolutely obsessed rn !!
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My contribution for the Slice of Cybertron on Twitter/X.
A scenario where Percy actually met Brainstorm as Genitus even before the war but he doesn't remember it because Brainstorm had a different name, a slightly different frame, was not wearing a mask and maybe felt different somehow.
Anyway kind of wordy, I had to cram my idea in two pages because of time constraints ;u;.
(My original hc was that Quark and Brainstorm probably met early war instead of prewar. I had to adjust this because of the zine's prewar theme but one thing is consistent: Quark recognized his talents, believed in him, saved him from going back to the frontlines, and kept him as his lab assistant.).
And I thought maybe Percy, all through the war to post war, actually remembers Genitus, but failed to link him to Brainstorm, so he's very surprised to find out they are one and the same. He might have had some hope or respect for Genitus in the past, the same way he had it for others like him (Skyfire, or Wheeljack. or maybe Pharma from the medical field), and laments how he vanished (when he changed his name).
Probably Genitus started having a crush on both Perceptor and Quark, but Quark is more reachable, and Percy was uhh.. a. big shot, he thought he had no chance with him. So he focused on Quark.
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link to zine in the reblogs. It's free to download.
#Perceptor#brainstorm#simpatico#maccadam#mtmte#transformers#myart#tf comic#i am having thoughts again lmao#has a more positive look for Brainstorm and quark's relationship in the past too#and would kinda explain the massive pining Brainstorm has for him. and later on.. percy#QUARK#i forgot to TAG QUARK IM CRYING
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DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ LIFE IS STRANGE DOUBLE EXPOSURE SPOILERS STOP READING THIS JUST SCROLL DO NOT READ THIS CMON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO PLAY THE GAME AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS ON YOUR OWN SCROLL RIGHT NOW
so um. i am NOT buying this game. from the little i saw i can already tell how much of an out-of-character cash grab it is. also, pricefield broke up. i am SO done with this shit. they really should’ve left Max and Chloe’s story (because it’s THEIR story dude this whole thing is so dumb) alone. this is not respecting both endings. r.i.p. Chloe Price you would’ve hated this
#life is strange#lis#life is strange double exposure spoilers#lis de spoilers#lis double exposure spoilers#life is strange de spoilers#double exposure spoilers#chloe price#max caulfield#pricefield#still hoping something magically happens that makes up for it all#but it is way too late for that i fear#positive side of things : I AM SAVING MY MONEY AND BUYING LOST RECORDS INSTEAD EVERYBODY SAYS HOORAY#“my powers might not last” “that’s okay we will forever”#“don’t look so sad i’m never leaving you”#OH YEAH GUESS THAT WAS CASUAL#also Max feels so un-Max#LIKE 2013 MAX CAULFIELD COME BACK THE KIDS MISS YOU#anyway gonna cry myself to sleep now that i know love isn’t real. bye.#☹️☹️☹️
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whoever styled stray kids for asea 2024 i hope you get a pay raise i hope you find money on the ground wherever you go i hope your skin is clear and both sides of your pillow are perfectly cold for the rest of your life
#stray kids#asea 2024#bang chan#seo changbin#lee know#han jisung#hwang hyunjin#lee felix#yang jeongin#kim seungmin#screaming crying throwing up about these looks (positive)#skz stylist i am kissing u on the mouth
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We get a new colleague in December and i looked him up and he's so heavily und unconcealed right winged i feel nauseous. I mean he's Extremely right-winged. Climate change denier, corona denier, racist, anti gender equality, anti queer, everything. And i didn't try to dig up dirt or anything. It's literally the first thing you find if you just google his name
#i want to cry#i was literally shaking lmao#I'm still not able to wrap my head around this#the majority of the people of our team is relatively left politically so i really am baffled by this choice#i know i can't avoid people like this and you have to find a way to work with them even if they want you dead (lol)#but i don't really feel comfortable anymore working there if this is an acceptable candidate for them#or if people in the team are just completely fine with it even if they don't personally have these political views#if they're just 'ah idc I'm glad we have another colleague so we have less work' or something like this#or 'that's just how it is'. like i Know this is just how it is but we should be angry that a person like this is even considered#I'm sorry but i don't think you can separate your company or yourself from politics and worldviews#hiring such a person is a clear signal that you don't mind these political positions or even support them#like I'm sure there's more people in our department as a whole who are right leaning and afD etc supporters#but this man isn't even hiding it he's proudly writing articles over articles about his views and you're hiring him for a#position in which he will represent your company and your journal#alright whatever#i guess i'm going to look for a new job when my program is over#not because i think i can avoid people like this#but because i really lost all respect I had left for this company and our management#i KNOW they're everywhere. i KNOW! but still. fuck this#void screams
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To Share in the Act of Creation (mixed media, 2024)
#art#mixed media#transmasc#nonbinary#art doll#(i’ve been looking for an artsy use for my empty T vials for SO LONG! im so happy with how this came out 😭🤍)#(took this into class for critique and someone said looked handmade but like /positive and i could CRY that’s my EXACT GOAL!!!)#(the art doll portion is inspired by strangegutz! i would tag him but i am scawed of being perceived 😅 go peep his stuff tho it’s so cool!)
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The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.
It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.
#red said#i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life#my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me#like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy.#anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is.#but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was#like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it#i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen.#I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles#and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences#and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma#obviously microtraumas build up but still.#then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma#is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING#told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip#and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain#until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position#and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific#and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with#like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex#out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage?#and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh#so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea#that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.#like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.
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#cw negative#cw suicidality#cw vent#last night was the lowest i’ve ever been in a while . it truly is something else isn’t it#though i’ve been plagued by Those kind of thoughts for a while now i know i don’t truly want to die#more like take a very long nap and be woken up when it’s all over and i don’t have to constantly feel this way anymore#despite everything i am still hopeful for the distant future . i know i will probably cry over uni assignments and maybe fret over-#-workplace drama . but then i will have friends to meet for coffee and money to buy the silly things i want#so i have to look forward to that or else#carrying a level of hurt with me that makes it feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid#constantly waking up and wondering what i did to deserve it. feeling embarrassed‚ too#i want to wipe away those memories . and stop hurting myself nightly#genuinely when i close my eyes all i can think about is how desperate i felt and how lonely i was and then i want to claw myself apart#[ why did no one help me? ] those kind of thoughts ... i have made positive memories but i’m finding more difficulty recalling them#💭
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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#oh lads. its not looking good for my genomics exam on Thursday. its all fucked#i dunno. its just been a weird day. bc one of my lab mates is getting ready to go to the astr0biology science conference#and its just so wild how i got here. into the perfect position. i have a great advisor. a great phd project. a committee member who is super#integrated with n4sa astr0biology projects. and so many of the instructors are amazing. my genomics prof is terrifyingly smart#so is my advisor and his wife. and the program is great. ecology and Evolution. its perfect. its all perfect#and yet. and yet. it just feels like its all falling apart. ive lost that compulsive thing thats always set in my chest#and now all i want to do is lay on the floor and cry and sleep and not do anything. why am i so tired?#its just so frustrating. and im sure ive got the most wretched vibes bc im constantly like 1 comment away from bursting into tears#like 2 weeks and its done. then im off to find a summer job. and find a long term job. and consider throwing away everything ive ever worked#toward. just let it all burn. im so tired. and i dont get to see my therapist until Monday. thats gonna b fun#hi. hello. since last i saw you my life has crumbled into pieces. ugh. i just dont wanna fail this genomics exam but it looks like that's#where we're headed. maybe i should have just dipped out of these last 3 weeks. but no. i didnt want to leave the lady i ta for 100 lab#reports to unexpectedly have to grade 4 days before grades are due. ugh. itll b fine. i mean it wont but whatever#unrelated
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💖Just a gentle nudge to remind you that you're not just existing—you're thriving, even on days when it doesn't feel that way. You're a one-of-a-kind force in this world, bringing light and love in ways you might not even realize. You've overcome so much, and you should be proud of every step you've taken, no matter how small. The world is better with you in it, and you've already made such a difference just by being you. Keep going, keep growing, and never forget how important you are💖
WHO ARE YOU.
I'm literally crying anon. I love u. It's been a hard few days and I can only see it getting tougher. Honestly I wish I could say I was thriving but I'm actually surviving at best.
But thank you for saying the world is better with me in it. You're lovely anon. Whoever you are, I love you.
Let's eat cake together.
Have a photo of my boy:
#anonimus answers your questions#i should come back and look at this on bad days.#positivity#ugly crying at 9 am#ur a kyuteee#thank you anon.#anonimusunnoan
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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)
#minhmy.rambles#(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work#just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9#which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time#which i already have so little of#my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that#bc ill literally be at work all day lol#and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse#i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave#and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel#and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't#but its so difficult for me it really is#theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired#like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired#and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again#but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering#if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it#i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break#i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse#its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already
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The classical music industry sucks ASS actually in case you were wondering
#I fucking hate it here#Half the people in positions of power are fucking crazy#I don’t want to leave cause literally nothing else sounds exciting to me and I feel like it’s the only thing I’m good at#But I literally am working my ass off and I can’t tell if I’m the crazy one anymore#Got one job not paying me#Another simultaneously wants me to teach more but also can’t promise me health insurance unless I teach less#Like life literally shouldn’t be this hard I’m crying in my car#Got rejected from a different job because despite matching literally every one of their qualifications#Messaged me within an hour of applying saying my resume wasn’t what they were looking for like JESUS CHRIST#AND THIS ISNT EVEN WHAT I WANT TO DO IN THIS FIELD I WANT TO BE PLAYING MUSIC#BUT I HAVE TO WAIT MY TURN FOR AN ORCHESTRA JOB AND THE CHAMBER FIELD IN THE US BARELY EXISTS
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I’m normal.
#the number of photos and videos was just to show that this is in my gallery but#it makes it look like I have almost 18000 pictures of just Ritsuka GSJSVSJSVSJSJE#which. I mean.#DragonairIce Rambles#IM NOT READY TO HEAR HIM SING I AM GOING TO CURL UP IN THE FOETAL POSITION AND CRY /AFF#LOOK AT HIM GO THOUGH!!! LOOK AT HIM GO!!!!!#also not pictured but I took screenshots of strawberry swing because <3 my heart </3#Given#uenoyama ritsuka#my beloved <3
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When do you gaze at your soulmate?
when they're sleeping
ㅤit's not just the way they're at rest. it's that they're at rest with you. it's not just that they're safe but that they feel safe enough to let you see them like this. it's trust and it's intimacy. and you're not sure you're ready for them to see the emotions in your eyes right now. they've been through enough. you both have. sometimes it scares you just how much you love them. it terrifies you that you feel happy as they lay there, eyes closed and hair a little messy. their features twitch and you know they're dreaming and it scares you because if you fall asleep too you won't have a nightmare tonight. you'll dream of them. or nothing at all. and either way it will make you need them more. and you're not supposed to need anyone but it's them. you want to hold them in your arms and never let go. you want to protect them but you know they want to protect you too. this is the kind of love you long for and it's the kind which will hurt if you lose it. but here you are anyway. it's too late now. you're glad it's too late to go back.
tagged by:ㅤ@gcldfanged ty!! ♡ tagging:ㅤi am immediately demanding @lee-sol does this ty. but also uhhhh @chronal-anomaly, @oculusxcaro (for whichever blog/all blogs!!), @mirrordread, @crimson--corvid, @smilingmxsk (any blog!!!), @apexulansis, @xaallo, and like. anyone else who wants to do this tbh
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ dash meme.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ♡ rel: sol ⋮ find me where i am most ruined; love me there.#'grey don't bold the entire result' challenge level impossible#literally byansol from byan's perspective ok. this is it. this is the ship.#it's terrifying but exactly what they need at the same time#ugh. UGH. don't look at me i need to just lie in the fetal position on the floor and cry for a few minutes
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well. I added my recent work stuff to my resume today, but then got stressed and didn't even manage to edit it. the day isn't over so maybe I'll get more done, but aaaghaghghaghag
#I thought I just needed to add my new experince and call it good#except it is definitely made for applying to a job not a school#and i dont know how to change it or what all i need to change to make it better#like i feel like i should remove things but then it just seems really empty??#and i am also trying to plan a trip with my mom to go look at one of the schools tomorrow#because i completely forgot that was a thing i should maybe do?#i just started applying places without even thinking about the schools themselves#outside of if they were good/had the programs i want#i didn't look at price or the campus or how big they are or what cities they are in#and the one im looking at with my mom has two campuses and i have to pick which one i want to go to#and trying to figure out which one would be better is very confusing#wish they would just be like you will have access to these facilities at this campus and these facilities at this one#but they dont have that#and then also i need to figure out TA/GA positions and applications#and i am so stressed about that and keep putting it off#but like. i have basically given myself two weeks to get everything done and haven't done any of it yet#and i am going to cry and puke#do i actually think i can do this if the application is making me feel like this?#but i cant back out now because i have told too many people and asked for refernce letters#and also i do want to do it#but then i am also supposed to look for even more schools and have to do all this for them too#*sobbibng*
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