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#porkman
miabebe · 3 months
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Camp Seventeen: Prologue
Seventeen as Greek Demigods Series
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Pairing - Reader x ot13 (Yes, you read that right, I am insane and you are allowed to scream at me)
Word count - 2.7k
Genre - Greek Demigod AU! We’ve mainly got crack cause all of them are idiots, and obviously smut because they are thirteen lonely, horny men afterall (aka reverse harem) also throwing in some fluff and angst as well because I gotta let emotions run high for plot sake :)
A/n - Hello hello, this is a new seventeen series I am starting and boy oh boy is it gonna be a wild ride! A special thanks to @okiedokrie @whipped-for-kpop-fics @ourdawnishotterthanourday @multi-kpop-fanfics for all their amazing help and bearing with me through the discussions for this, I’m so grateful to you guys :)
I will have a taglist for this so please comment/ send an ask to be added!
“Over here!”
Wincing, you looked up from the disgusting heap of mud your foot had neatly landed in, ignoring the way your little piglet was ecstatically rolling in the same filth.
The man before you looked equally disturbed as he walked over, pulling out a bottle of water apparently from up his ass because you didn’t remember him holding it a second ago.
Sighing a thank you, you took it, emptying it onto your boots before grabbing your gremlin of a pet from its happy place, resulting in a series of loud, incessant whining.
In all that noise, you heard your shoe savior take your name with a voice that was as pretty as him.
“I’m Jisoo.” He put out his hand. “You can call me Joshua.”
You nodded, unable to shake his hand thanks to the problem trashing in your arms earning Joshua’s amusement.
“And who is this?”
“Natalie.” You muttered as he raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Natalie Porkman.”
Joshua burst out laughing, looking away as he covered up a snort, shoulders shaking. You smiled, truly taking in his beautiful features for the first time. Cute.
“This way.” He pointed at absolutely nothing yet you followed this complete stranger, survival skills be damned. “We’ve got a half mile trek ahead of us but it gets a little confusing from here so I thought I’d come pick you up.”
Cute and kind.
You filed it away under ‘to-learn-more-about-when-I-fiigure-out-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-in-my-life.’
The two of you walked side by side, footfall softly echoing in the lush green forest around. Though silence was all you had been craving after the last few days you’ve had, that did not seem like an option since one, Natalie hadn’t stopped whimpering in fifteen minutes and two, Joshua kept glancing at you like you were some sort of ancient artifact.
Not the good kinds.
“What is it?” You said finally, starting a conversation you didn’t want to have. “Never seen a mess of a human before?”
“Never such an old one.” Well, at least you got ancient right. Joshua quickly corrected himself. “I mean I’ve never heard of a demigod surviving undetected in the mortal world for this long.”
Oh but you got ‘human’ wrong. You forgot. Normalcy was never your defining factor but at least now you knew exactly what kind of freak you were.
Almost.
“I wouldn’t call it surviving, more like ‘barely made it’.”
“But you made it.”
“At the cost of what?” You sighed. “Everything is much more complicated now.”
“Don’t worry.” He stopped at a large boulder at the base of an abnormally large tree in the middle of seemingly nowhere. “We’ll all help you.”
“All?”
He nodded, looking at you over his shoulder. “All.”
Your eyes followed his hand as he placed it in the middle of the rock, and after all that you’ve learnt in the last few days, you’re not sure why you were so shocked when it rolled away at his touch. You expected it to lead you to a dark, suspicious cave but a bright light poured out, making you momentarily lose both your vision and your pet who jumped out of your arms and ran into the illuminance, squealing in delight.
“Welcome to Camp Seventeen.”
Joshua grinned, pointing at the scene before him and your jaw dropped in awe.
It was a large opening in the middle of a forest that looked very different from the one you were just trudging through. There were hills on one side, a large lake shimmering far away, fire torches lit everywhere, little cottages scattered here and there, strange symbols topping them all off. Looking at everything curiously, you walked down the cobbled path, only just noticing the two men who were standing at the end of it, both incredibly beautiful. The blonde one was playing with Natalie and the redhead was staring at you with his arms crossed, expression smug.
“Would you look at that, the prodigal babygirl is here at last.”
You frowned, taking an almost immediate dislike despite his pretty, pretty face.
“Jeonghan, play nice.” Joshua muttered, walking over to him.
“Don't patronise me Aphrodite's son, she was supposed to be here at 4-”
“It’s 4:10.”
“-yesterday.” He turned back to you. “You’re a day and 10 minutes late.”
“Well you’re not the one who’s relocating your whole life.” You spat back at him. “I had things to take care of - my dorms, my bills-”
“So much that you missed the meeting with your lawyer.”
“I did ask to reschedule. It’s not my fault he’s an unsympathetic prick.”
“Careful sweetheart.” Jeonghan cocked his head at you. “I’m unforgiving too.”
You stared at him for a whole maddening minute, realizing why his voice seemed so familiar. You had heard him on the phone over the last few days.
“You’re my lawyer.”
“And the best in the city.” Joshua interjected, sensing the rising tension. “Children of Athena tend to be big brained.”
“And hot headed apparently.”
“Natalie says ‘not more than you’.”
All three of you turned to the only other presence there, the man who was carrying your pig, silent as a statue all this while.
“Jun, son of demeter.” Joshua introduced, pulling him ahead. “He’s a natural with anything, well... natural? Mostly plants but he also happens to talk to animals.”
“Domestic ones.” Jun mumbled. “Hansol is better with the wild.”
You greeted him awkwardly, half smiling to be polite and half frowning at the way Natalie was looking up at him with literal heart eyes.
“How did you come across a fledgling?”
“A what now?”
Jun picked your pig up by the arms like a little baby. “She says she’s 10 years old, yet is the size of a toddler. Have you never wondered why your pig never grew?”
“I uh….assumed it was just the kind of breed that didn’t?”
“What an intellectual.” Jeonghan looked at you with faux amazement making you roll your eyes.
Jun, however, still hadn’t met your eye. “Fledglings are creatures of Olympus. Time moves differently there so they don’t really grow like the others in the human world. In that sense, technically, she’s still only a few months old-”
“So you’re telling me this thing, which has lived with me for 10 odd years, is….magical?”
Jun shook his head as Joshua spoke up, clarifying.
“Not magical, that’s a whole different branch of powers and abilities. Your pig is just….not a part of the human world.”
“You betrayer.” You narrowed your eyes at what you thought was your loyal companion. “We were friends. How could I not know?”
Natalie whined sadly in response earning a smile from Jun and of course, yet another snarky comment from Jeonghan. “I don’t speak pig and even I know she said you’re not very bright.”
“Understanding your native language is not particularly intelligent, you swine.” You glared at him, receiving a smirk in response.
“Ten minutes in camp and you’ve already made Jun’s ears red and picked a fight with Han.” You turned to see three men walk up to you, the one in the middle with an amused look and a powerful aura. “You’re gonna fit in quite well Newbie.”
“Seungcheol, son of Zeus and leader of the camp.” Joshua whispered as everyone bowed to him. You imitated them quickly.
“This is Seokmin, Son of Poseidon and Minghao, Son of Ares.” Seungcheol added, pulling out his armor as one of them shot you a cheery smile and the other continued to look at you cynically. “They are our training specialists. Seokmin should help you with your overall fitness and Minghao will train you for combat.”
“C-combat?” You stuttered looking around. “You mean like war?”
“The world of demigods is new to you, don’t try to understand everything in one day.” The Son of Ares sheathed his twin blades behind his back. “Take a few days to adjust to the camp first. You can start training next week.”
You nodded, a little thankful that despite his cold exterior, he seemed to be surprisingly sympathetic of your situation.
“He’s right.” Seokmin chimed. “You should settle here first, not to forget, deal with that lawsuit before you focus on everything else.”
You turned to Jeonghan expecting yet another snarky remark but he looked worried, lost in thought.
When you turned back to Seokmin though, you bit back a scream, your face inches away from a man who appeared soundlessly and seemingly from thin air.
He gave you a cheeky grin with a tilt of the head, “I’m Chan aka Dino, Son of Hermes, Camp cutie, camp hottie and camp leader- ow!”
He rubbed the back of his head vigorously when a small rock hit him with a dull thud. You looked over his shoulder to see Seungcheol aim another one with just a flick of the wrist.
This one Dino skillfully dodged, stepping away from you as Joshua laughed, “Chan is the camp messenger. He’s in charge of all sorts of delivery and transportation.”
“You were the one who picked up my things.” The realisation hit you at last as Dino nodded, pointing at a pile of your stacked bags and trunks beside the entrance.
“Guilty as charged.”
“You were supposed to arrive over an hour ago.” Seokmin narrowed his eyes at the younger man.
“I got held up with some uh distractions.” Chan laughed nervously, scratching the back of his ear. “I didn’t know where to keep her things though, considering you know, she doesn’t have a place yet.”
Seungcheol turned to you to clear your confusion. “Everyone on camp has their own residence but you came on too short a notice so we’re yet to build one of you. We could have housed you in the guest cabin except it was recently damaged in a fight,” He glared at all the boys around him. “So that would not be feasible. Until your own place is not ready you can stay at mine - it is the biggest so you should be comfortable.”
You pursed your lips unsure about his offer. Did you think you would be unsafe in his presence? No absolutely not, the opposite in fact.
You wondered how long you could hold yourself back before unsuspectingly jumping this man and his huge biceps and beefy thighs and manly voice-
“She’s thirsty.”
Taken aback you looked around, searching for the owner of the voice who unnecessarily accurately voiced your thoughts. Instead, you heard the snap of a twig and a low growling sound from the area the forest got more dense. You narrowed your eyes, trying to peer through the overgrown wilderness only to meet a pair of menacing red orbs.
Your adrenaline response barely had the time to kick in before ten, no fifteen, wild hounds ran out of their hiding place towards you, making you scream and hide behind Joshua.
The boys laughed as the dogs circled around you and you gripped onto Joshua’s shoulders terrified.
“Stand back lads.” A silver haired man walked over with a golden haired one beside him, both with a bow and quiver strung over their shoulders. The dogs immediately ran over, aligning themselves in an obedient, straight line behind them.
“Hansol, Son of Artemis and Jihoon, Son of Apollo.” Joshua looked at you over his shoulder. “They are in charge of daytime border patrol. There are all sorts of wild animals out here, hence the hounds, for protection.” As you shuddered, Joshua looked around curiously. “The Son of Hades, is in charge of nighttime patrol. He should be somewhere around here…”
Your eyes widened as the water canteen hanging on Jihoon’s belt flew towards you on its own, making you almost claw Joshua’s arm.
“Wonwoo don’t scare her.” Joshua chastised laughing as you literally see a tall, lean man materialize out of thin air, the canteen in his hand and a smirk on his face. “How long have you been here?”
“The whole time.” He mumbled, handing you the water. “Jihoon said you were thirsty.”
“Not for water.” The blonde man whispered in a way only you could hear, looking entertained at how flushed you were. Did he actually read your mind?
Coming out of Joshua’s shadow, you grabbed the canteen before anyone else noticed, thanking Wonwoo with a hard smile. Tilting your head back you drank up, not noticing how all 10 eyes were intently fixed on you and your throat moving with each gulp. They all took a gulp of their own.
As you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, slowly looking around and noticing everyone’s gaze, the ground below began to shake, fazing no one but you.
Jeonghan pulled you out of the way of what seemed like a large mechanical bull charging towards you with an equally large man perched on top of it. A smaller man arrived right behind, riding a….. A leopard???
“You said you would win.” The muscled man slid off the mechanical creature, patting it. “My baby is faster.”
“I said a cheetah would win. My baby is a tiger.”
“It's a leopard.” You corrected, earning everyone's snickers and the not so threatening stare of its owner.
“It’s a big cat with an identity crisis.” Taking your hand in his, placing a soft kiss at the back of it, the muscle man gave you a fanged smile. “I’m Mingyu, Son of Hephaestus.”
The other man raised his hand. “Soonyoung, Son of Dionysis and that-” He turned to yet another one who was running over, looking frazzled.
“Seungkwan, Son of Hera, owner of a peacock that has yet again disappeared.” He bent over, grabbing his waist, panting and out of breath. “I don’t get why she keeps running away.”
“Maybe because you keep calling him a she.” Minghao nonchalantly glanced at his neatly filed nails.
“I can’t-” Seungkwan ran his fingers through his head, annoyed. “It’s confusing okay, who the fuck named him Patricia then?”
Behind you Jeonghan giggled.
“You coagulation of human evil,” Seungkwan threw his shoe, missing the target. “Now she- He won’t respond to any other name!”
The boys roared with laughter as Seungkwan unsuccessfully chased Jeonghan around, hands flailing everywhere.
Seungcheol walked over to you amidst all the mess, shooting you an understanding smile. “Your life has just undergone a major change, I get that it is intimidating but don’t worry. All thirteen of us are here to help you get through this.”
You nodded slowly, looking around at the boys, doing a quick, confirmatory headcount. “So there’s only thirteen of you?”
And why were all of them so gorgeous??
“Yeah, only.” Seungcheol chuckled, “Trust me thirteen is more than enough, I’ve got to run a very tight ship here.”
“I just assumed there would be seventeen people since, you know, Camp Seventeen.”
“The Oracle apparently told Woozi to name us Camp Seventeen.” He shrugged. “Not sure why.”
You hummed, as all of them gradually stopped behaving like toddlers and turned their attention to you.
“Wait,” The realization slowly dawned upon you. Actually, it hit you like a brick. “You’re all men.”
Seungcheol nodded carefully, like he didn’t know where you were going with this.
“Am I….Am I the only girl in the camp?”
Soft mutters went around as Seungcheol cleared his throat. “Yes and I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but unfortunately, it was not a choice.”
“It’s not common for a girl to be assigned to an all boys camp,” Joshua stepped up. “But I believe since Jeonghan and Wonwoo are working on the lawsuit that landed you here, the authorities of Olympus must have thought it is better for you to be here.”
“But it’s not permanent.” Seungcheol added. “You can choose to change camps after Quest Season if you wish-”
“What is Quest season?”
Jeonghan let out a loud sigh. “You’ve been here for what, ten minutes? Don't overwork your brain. The world of demigods is complex, you’ll learn everything with time.”
“He’s right.” Seokmin leaned against the tree near him. “Why don’t we first move your things to Seungcheol’s cabin? We’ll let you get settled, then Joshua can show you around camp, walk you through the rules and assign a duty-”
“Except.” Soonyoung looked at you from bottom to top, like he was assessing you. “What kind of duty?”
“Exactly.” Mingyu threw his arm around his friend, his expression matching. “Daughter of Hestia, Goddess of Hearth and Home, what would you be good for in this camp?”
Minghao hummed, walking up to you, bending to meet your eyelevel. “Well, what can a woman be good for in a camp of thirteen men?”
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A/n - next will be a detailed post about each member, their background and powers so it's less confusing for those who aren't so familiar with Greek mythology and the series will start after that so stay tuned!
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hellsite-yano · 9 months
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hey porkman. You were pretty honest about overcoming a porn addiction. My new years gold is to stop watching porn. How did you do it?
Just off the top of my head the best piece of advice I can give that's not dependent on relationship status and living situation is as soon as you feel the urge, immediately change what you're doing to something more productive (go outside, do chores, exercise, etc). This takes practice of course so there's no need to feel bad if you don't pull it off sometimes.
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2pacula · 9 months
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jesse porkman in the house !
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leafboy-the-great · 2 years
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OwO I heard u want stuffie pics? would u like to meet Charles Porkman?
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Man’s got eyes but they’re covered by fur. I saw him online and he was just so fucking ugly I fell in love immediately.
This is Moldy, I found her in a dog toy aisle but I couldn’t just leave her,
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I have more but tumblr keeps replacing photos of them with photos of Charles so I’m gonna start a new ask brb
Hdjsjs gorgeous creaturs
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ducktracy · 4 years
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obligatory “get a load of these guys” post
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dannysvalgreen · 5 years
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Estrellas de Películas de Adultos Contemporáneas
Natalie Porkman
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gorgeousdressed · 5 years
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Natalie Porkman
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megaweapon · 5 years
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HER NAME! IS!! PORKMAN!!
MJ-12 continues to advance his character goals of 
1. Finding Out Stuff 2. Befriending increasingly dangerous types of animals
Fun fact: the FFG Star Wars role-playing system has an example of what it calls an “impossible roll,” which is mechanically possible but very difficult. And that example is, “stopping a rampaging rancor.” Arguably, it was the coolest thing I managed to pull off the whole campaign so far.
Additional fun fact: Porkman is a 100% canon-friendly name. it’s Huttese for “big-time.”
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super-metroid · 6 years
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'Milf for all' is a weird quirk
gives a whole new meaning to “texas smash” wouldn’t you say?
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anti-tony-god · 2 years
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Do people know what actual buff/muscular women looks like? Natalie Porkman is NOT buff nor muscular.
it's such a mess they really dont
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moss-flesh · 2 years
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random lady: “and she had a pig! named natalie porkman!”
me: (eavesdropping)
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silkorz · 5 years
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幸運豚人 Tsui-teru!Porkman@中野
【ブログ】今回は、美食家の中でもお馴染みの名店となっている中野の人気ビストロ店「幸運豚人Tsui-teru! Porkman」さんを紹介します。 #幸運豚人 #Tsui-teru! Porkman #極厚トンテキ
美味しいお肉をがっつり食べたい、そんな人に朗報です! 今回は、美食家の中でもお馴染みの名店となっている中野の人気ビストロ店「幸運豚人Tsui-teru! Porkman」さんを紹介します。産地から厳選したブランド豚を低温調理に拘った豚料理が楽しめます。
お店の場所は、JR中野駅北口から徒歩5分、早稲田通りの少し手前にあります。
「ツイテルポークマン」に到着しました。よおし、がっつりお肉食べるぞ!
ランチは「極厚トンテキ」や「極厚ポークジンジャー」、「ポークキーマカレー」、「ローストポーク丼」など盛りだくさん!
ツキが回ってきそうな店名ですね♪ では早速店内へ入ってみましょう!
お洒落な店内はカウンター13席、テーブル12席あります。
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今回は、「極厚トンテキ 300g」1,000円を注文しました。 ライスとスープはお代わ…
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sunkissed-moon · 3 years
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MY DEAR PRAWNFISH <33333
lavender
pink
white
sky blue
PORKY <33333
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lavender: literally one of the loveliest people in existence wtf
wow are we playing a describe yourself game today 😌
pink: you should see a therapist lol
you're not wrong bestie </3 i really should
white: i would be concerned if someone gave you a knife
as one should!!!!!! you'll never know who i choose to murder just then (i do have a history of attempted arson)
sky blue: i will kill anyone for you just ask
FEAR NOT SIR PORKMAN, as mentioned above i can and will murder people but feel free to join me whenever 🤨🖐️
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ericvonpepperfist · 4 years
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natalie porkman - tiny4k.com
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hellsite-yano · 5 years
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porkman: *sensible opinion* anons: wow pork youve really gone off the deep end... youve changed man :/
The Popular Ex-antisjw Experience™
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mmfood · 6 years
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Pizza called Natalie Porkman. Smoked side of bacon, pepperoni, smoked cheese, white mushrooms and caramelized onions.
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