#pointing out the mindset it was written under

[mywitchyblog]

The Reality of Age-Changing in the Shifting Community: A Response to the Hypocrisy

I wanted to answer by reblogging their post, and the one made by @starenthusiasttraveler its deleted i think) :

but I couldn’t, so let me lay it out here. The post explains the controversy brewing over on Reddit and certain Discord servers, where mods are basically playing shifting police, accusing anyone who age-changes in their Desired Realities (DR) of being predatory or, even worse, a pedo. But let’s break this down, because this argument is rooted in a massive misunderstanding of what reality shifting actually entails, and honestly, it reeks of holier-than-thou hypocrisy.

These gatekeepers are trying to claim that anyone who shifts to a younger version of themselves, no matter the reason, is automatically indulging in harmful behavior. Meanwhile, they’re perfectly fine with people aging themselves up just to live out sexual fantasies. The double standard here is laughable, and it’s time to shut it down for good.

The Hypocrisy of Age-Changing Policing

As I mentioned, these people are okay with shifters aging themselves up to 30 or 40 just to get involved in sexual relationships, but the second someone says they’ve shifted back to when they were 16, suddenly it’s a crime. For example, if someone is 20 years old now but keeps shifting back to the DR where they were 16 and living out their Hogwarts fantasy, these gatekeepers will label them as some kind of predator. But guess what? That’s hypocritical as hell.

Shifting up for sex? Fine. Shifting down to relive your youth or have an innocent romance? Suddenly you’re a problem? That’s pure moral panic, and it’s based on fear, not facts. The reality is, age-changing isn’t inherently harmful. As I’ve discussed in-depth before in this post, when you shift to a younger version of yourself, you’re not bringing your “adult mind” with you. You become fully immersed in that version of yourself, meaning your mindset, emotional maturity, and life experience align with the age you’re shifting to. You aren’t walking around in your DR thinking, “I’m actually 23 with all my life experiences” while interacting with people of that age. You’re 16 in your DR, and you live like it.

The Intent Behind Age-Changing Matters, Not the Act Itself

For the last fucking time: Not everyone who age-changes is doing it out of a desire to sexualize, exploit, or fetishize youth. Most shifters who age-change are doing it because they want to relive experiences, heal from trauma, or explore life from a different perspective. Intent matters. As I’ve previously written about in this post here, there’s a huge difference between someone scripting a harmful, predatory dynamic and someone who’s simply revisiting their teenage years to heal or explore. It’s not black and white—it’s nuanced as hell.

Shifting isn’t some Manichean concept where everything is either good or evil, “black or white.” It’s subjective, personal, and exists in the gray areas of ethics. Sure, are there people who might shift for more perverse reasons? Unfortunately, yes. But they are about as common as those who shift to bang their family members (yup, that happens, too). As I’ve pointed out before in this post, the issue isn’t the act of age-changing—it’s the intent behind it. If someone’s intentions are pure—whether they’re shifting to relive their youth, heal trauma, or just explore life in a different stage—then there’s no ethical issue. It’s when someone is using age-changing for predatory purposes that the line gets crossed.

The "One Reality" Mentality: Closed-Minded and Problematic

These Reddit and Discord mods are operating under a very dangerous and closed-minded assumption: that the rules and ethics of our Original Reality (OR) must apply across all realities. They’re acting like OR is the “one true reality,” and that all DRs have to abide by the same moral codes we follow here. That’s just not how shifting works. Shifters know that different realities operate under different rules, and trying to police them based on OR norms is narrow-minded at best. As this post on Tumblr explains in detail here, when you shift into a different reality, you aren’t bringing your OR moral compass with you. You’re living by the rules and norms of that DR.

So the idea that anyone who shifts to a younger version of themselves in a DR is somehow committing an ethical violation based on OR standards is just ridiculous. They’re not “exploiting” youth—they’re fully embodying that age and experiencing life through that lens. These mods are policing shifters from a “one reality” mindset that’s completely out of sync with how shifting actually works.

For those who wish to know what aging yourself for predatory or exploitive reasons actually looks like i reccomend my post :

So, you can check it out, but yeah, an adult aging themselves down and having a romantic or sexual relationship in their DR (Desired Reality) doesn’t automatically make them pedophiles in this reality. The intent and the reasons behind it vary greatly from person to person.

It can only be judged on a case-by-case basis.

I think the Reddit and Discord moderators are misguided in assuming that everyone who has a significant other in their DRs, where they are minors, is automatically "weird." That’s a fallacious way of thinking. There are many nuances to consider, and it’s not fair to paint everyone with the same brush.

P.S.: To touch on what @starenthusiasttraveler mentioned at the end (in parentheses), people tend to underestimate the total immersion of reality shifting. It is so intense that when you first shift, you won’t even realize it immediately.

Living and existing in your DR feels completely normal, casual even, because in that reality, you've always existed there. Then, something—a person, an event, or even an object—will trigger the realization that you’ve shifted. And even then, you won’t feel like you came from another reality; you just know that there is a different version of yourself in another reality.

So no, there’s no "consciousness retention" nonsense or anything of the sort. Some of you anti-age changers (who are total hypocrites, by the way) don’t fully grasp how real and immersive shifting actually is.

[coldgoldlazarus]

It's just frustrating to see the discourse around Legend Of Korra is stupid as it was ten years ago, even if now dressed up in leftist language. AtLA was a lot better put-together than AtLoK, but it wasn't perfect or untouchable. Korra was messy and sabotaged and its attempts at political commentary were definitely a product of the obama-era neoliberalism of its time, but it wasn't the crime against the original show so many people are apparently still desperate to paint it as.

I want to engage with good-faith critique of its genuine problems, but far too often the people critiquing it wind up showing their asses and admitting (whether outright or implicitly through comparison) that they just hate Korra for the terrible terrible crime of checks notes not being Aang. (And I love Aang! I also love that Korra is so different!) Grow up.

[hanasnx]

NO KISS SEX — satoru gojo.

MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ WARNINGS: bratty fem reader | dom satoru | established relationship | explicit sexual content | cock warming | fluffy | size difference | no kiss sex.

“Sato, please?” you beg, pouting your bottom lip so enticingly SATORU GOJO nearly breaks his streak just to lick at it out of familiarity.

“Wasn’t this your idea?” he anecdotes amusedly, tilting his head with that wolfish grin. “You said you wanted to try it, and now you don’t wanna commit.”

“I change my mind!” you insist, bobbing your body in place to emphasize your frustration, his cock still lodged comfortably up in your guts in a mating press. “It’s lonely.”

He gives a few swings of his hips, and your lashes flutter in turn. “‘Lonely?’” he parrots in feigned disbelief. “You wan’a kiss that bad?”

Eagerly, you nod, under the impression he’s about to give in and you raise your head to meet his with an innocent smile. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier, honest.” You eye up his lips, just out of your reach.

“Ah, ah,” he chides, arching away. “I distinctly remember,” he states matter-of-factly as he picks himself up using your knees, pressing them to the pillow as your head is forced to lay back down and you peep and grit your teeth when the dick soaking in your hole brushes your spongy spot. It twitches, but he keeps it sheathed. He alters his expression to exhibit what he sees when he looked at you earlier, upturned brows, wide-o-shaped mouth, and heightens his voice to an embarrassing high pitch that grates the ears, “‘Goji, I want to try no-kiss-sex, please? Please? Can we-can we-can we?’” he mimics you unflatteringly, and you reach up to yank him back down to you. “You only call me ‘Goji’ when you want something, just like you call me ‘Sato’ when you’re trying to butter me up.”

You jerk your head away in a mock attempt at bratting, frowning your brows as he snickers through his nose as you, readjusting so he pulls out a few inches just to push back in. As if he’s testing the waters with his hips, watching your minute reactions written all over your pitiful little face. You pant through your mouth, so he keeps going, slowly sinking in and out.

“If you get so lonely, why’d you suggest it?” he questions, soothing you out of your difficult mindset and your want to be uncooperative with the splendid ministrations of his cock licking your insides.

“I dunno, I saw it on a show or something! I wanted to see if it would make me want it more.” you inform him with a fair amount of attitude, and toy with his hair at the nape of his neck. That pout resurfaces, and you must know you’re making your pillowy lips look so irresistible that Satoru bites his own hard. He has to remind himself he’s proving a point. Even folded in half you’ve got some kind of power over him.

“Does it?” he asks, more winded than before as your hole loosens the slightest, letting him pull out more. You question him with an idle hum, brain fuzzy from the sensations pulsing from your core. “Does it make you want it more?”

“Yes!” you cry, offended he’d ask such a thing. “Obviously!”

That wolfish grin stretches back onto his mouth as he dips down, and a grateful thrill blooms in your chest at the notion he’s going to do it this time! You offer yourself to him, facing him to reach for him, but as soon as you get close he rears his head. Your lips narrowly miss each other. Your bodies bob as he moves in you, a steady pace of pulling completely out to ease in until he bottoms out. He’ll do all that, exhibiting a strong sense of control over his body, but he won’t give you a kiss. Instead, he does the same thing as before, ducking so you’ll gain a false sense of security, reach for him again. He teases you, keeping his lips just out of your area of influence. “Stop that!” you whine, your brows pinching together from the pleasure he’s giving you between your legs.

“Can’t help it, pretty, you make it so easy.” he taunts, “You keep falling for it.” As soon as he’s said it, he stoops and lingers, letting your cock-drunkened brain work through the thought process, lifting yourself again out of habit and trust to go for a kiss. Once more he corrals it from you, but he laughs this time. A jeer that burns your cheeks hot as you glare at him. “You keep falling for it!”

“Satoru!”

“I see the appeal now.” he lowers his voice, the grain of it traveling down your spine straight to your core, taking his cock at gradually hastened pace. “No-kiss-sex, huh? This shit was a good idea, baby.”

[koinotame]

how dangerous the twst cast is as yanderes

content warnings: this is yandere stuff so plenty of relationships and mindsets of questionable healthiness. reader implied to be yuu. mentions of murder and violence (nothing explicit/graphic, but frequent. mostly not aimed at reader). most are pretty ambiguous wrt being romantic or platonic (though it’s assumed they have an at least somewhat close relationship with you). i don’t think there’s any explicit spoilers but this was written with mostly-up-to-date knowledge so maybe beware if you really want to avoid any spoilers

whole main cast is included, under the cut for length (near 4k words)! if you read ortho's section as incestuous or romantic in any other way i will shoot a laser beam at you.

fairly harmless overall ▸ i actually normally wouldn't put them together, but in either case i can't see either of the adeuce duo being too dangerous to others. yeah, they might beat someone up for getting too close to you or hurting you, but i really really can't see either of them going much farther. deuce in particular used to be a delinquent, and he does sometimes slip back into that mindset, and he does know how to beat someone up well… but he's a good boy now. your good boy. even in his delinquent phase he would've never actually killed someone, and the idea horrifies him a little too much to ever seriously consider. ace has a bit less restraint, but also a lot less experience. what he lacks in experience he does more than make up for in wit and quick learning, but… while the thought does cross his mind occasionally, he wouldn't be able to stomach actually killing someone either. he'll beat someone up if they hurt you or you ask him to though. unlike deuce, he'll probably brag about it to you if he knows your reaction would be positive.

▸ don’t you worry! your cay-kun would never kill someone! in fact, cater is very unlikely to get violent at all. when he gets jealous (which happens pretty often), he turns that bitterness inside. what do they have that he doesn’t? do you like quieter guys? is he too obsessed with magicam? do you not like the way he doesn’t let you in unless you push, because he’s too afraid you won’t like what you find and leave? is he not affectionate enough? do you not like his hair? it doesn’t matter what it is about him that you don’t like, about others that you do like. he’ll fix the problem; he’ll fix himself. he’s already used to putting on acts around others—this isn’t that different. even if it’s not him you like at this point, as long as he can stay by your side, it’ll be fine. there’s a desperate edge to his actions that’s hard to spot, but once you have is impossible to unsee. as long as you continue liking him, he’ll throw away who he is—just. don’t throw him aside once you’re bored of him, okay? keep him around forever. please. ▸ jack is another that’s fairly harmless. it’s in his nature to be overprotective, and he doesn’t see much wrong with that, but he has no issue with your friends and he’s pretty reasonable at telling apart actual threats from things like jokes. he’s much like your guard dog… or maybe he’s more like guard puppy, with the way you doubt he’d ever actually hurt anyone despite his big stature. he’s embarrassed when you tell him this, but the wagging of his tail gives away just how much he likes knowing you’re okay with—even like—his constant presence. he’s not… completely against going behind your back when someone is actually about to hurt you to deal with he issue, though. just… just occasionally, when it’s really necessary. he won’t make a habit of it. he just… doesn’t want you to see him like that. he’d never want to scare you. that’s all.

a bit less harmless but not by (too) much ▸ riddle is good and well behaved and refuses to resort to something as drastic as violence or murder, or at least he’s trying very hard to convince himself so. he’s definitely somewhat tyrannical to everyone around you even after he mellows out after his overblot, and he has no hesitation in punishing those who hurt or displease you, especially his own dormmates. even once both of you graduate, this habit of his never quite vanishes. he gets a little frantic if you show disapproval of his actions though, especially if you seem scared of him. he’s desperate to prove that he’s good and loves you and would never hurt you, and if that means toning down his ardour, he’ll try his best. the stress of possibly losing you just makes him all the more overbearing to everyone around him. he’s trying his best for you though, so… don’t you love him as much as he loves you? won’t you turns your eyes back to him and only him? ▸ kalim would never kill someone! nor would he have someone be killed. but his family's wealth and influence extends far, and anyone seeking to hurt you (or him through you) would be a fool to think otherwise. he'd never kill someone, but making sure they end up rotting in prison for the rest of their life is just doing the right thing! he might be a little blinded by his panic, sure, but— they tried to hurt you! if he's really jealous (something that doesn't happen often—he only has eyes for you, after all, so he tends to not think too much about others), it's not hard to just have them transfer. or be fired. or something. he won't tell you outright, but if you ask he sees no point in hiding it from you. if you don't react well, he gets a little frantic and insists that he really really really wouldn't ever go farther than that…! probably. ▸ epel getting into yet another fistfight for you is something you’ve grown unfortunately used to. you’re frankly convinced he outright wants you to see at this point, maybe in some misconceived idea it’ll make you think he’s tough, with the way he runs up to you like a puppy expecting praise afterwards. he’ll be torn if you fuss over him afterwards—on one hand, he wants you to think he’s tough and your coddling doesn’t really give the impression that you understand that, but it feels really, really nice when your attention is focused on only him. but as unrestrained as epel is, he’s not particularly dangerous. if you seem really put off by his actions, he might even rein it in a little (vil is glad for your cooperation, even if that wasn’t your intention). he’s more preoccupied with earning your attention and approval than he is with stuff like keeping other suitors away from you. ▸ i just think it’d be really funny if despite everything about him, rook is one of the most harmless. he’s the type of yandere to have a shrine (it’s not in his closet because he has no shame) and have his room covered in notes about you but who’d never actually kill someone. he’s also… the type who enjoys and loves everything about you. to rook, the journey is more important than the destination, and that includes you. the you on your own, the you around your friends (not that they’ll stick around too much once they notice rook), and the you around him are all different and equally worth loving. he’s not exactly shy about his stalking either, but once you get used to his constant presence, it doesn’t really get worse. maybe a little more intense, but not worse. he’s fine with pretty much any way you want to treat him, too—whether you treat him like a beloved pet or a plaything or act like you don’t know or notice him, he’ll love you all the same. forever.

holds themselves back… but not because of ethics ▸ when trey thinks about the future he wants with you, he allows himself to imagine what it would be like to be so wholly engrossed in each other that everything else might as well not exist. unfortunately, the two of you live in real life and not in a fairy tale, so he’s settled for the idea of eventually settling down and growing old with you. it’s… not entirely ethics that holds him back. he’s aware that most of the urges he gets when he sees you around others or when he sees you get hurt in someway are immoral, and he reigns himself in. aside from some people in your life suddenly finding it odd how the ever dependable senior suddenly doesn’t seem to like them much and has been giving them the cold shoulder, most people are very unlikely to realise there’s anything off about trey… including you. just let him be your normal (if fairly fussy) boyfriend, okay? and if he occasionally slips a bit of a sleeping potion into your food and masks the taste with his unique magic so you end up staying the night just so he can spend a little more time with you… that can be his little secret. ▸ it's definitely not ethics that holds ruggie back, but it would be a serious problem if he gets caught killing someone. or even just gets particularly violent with someone else. he'd do it in a heartbeat, especially for you (especially if you asked him), don't get him wrong, but, well— if he goes to jail, he's fucking his family over. if he goes to jail, he won't be able to provide for you in the future—or have any sort of relationship with you. his resolve might waver if you were to actually ask, but even then he’s determined to stick to actions he can reasonably get away with. it's not uncommon for him to use laugh with me to embarrass any guys he thinks are getting too close to you though, and it's not too hard to be discreet with his unique magic when someone really deserves to fall face down a flight of stairs. or three. oopsie. odd they don't remember it, huh? well, he had nothing to do with that. ▸ jamil is a bit more restrained. murder is fine (it’s definitely not his first resort, but it’s there as an option if he really needs it—he did kind of try to kill five people, even if it was during his overblot), but using snake whisper is just so much more convenient… most of the time. due to his position as a servant of kalim, he has to carefully consider any actions he takes unless he wants there to be dire consequences for his family. unfortunately for him, this means he can’t just beat up anyone getting too close to you no matter how much he may feel like it. his unique magic does work well for him here though—and he’s not opposed to using more force if there’s a good reason (like impressing you and getting complimented by y—ehem. making sure your bullies won’t bother you again). the one person he’d rather not use his unique magic on is you. what he likes so much about you is that you’re choosing him of your own volition, and that’s worth more than any force could get him.

not the worst, but… ▸ azul tries really, really hard to keep everything he does behind your back, well. behind your back. he doesn't usually get his own hands dirty, but it would be a serious problem if you found out about the students he's been tricking into unfair contracts just because he got jealous. and it'd be one thing if it ended there, but more than that… if anyone hurts you, the tweels haven't amassed a certain reputation for nothing. if azul’s this fond of you, there’s a very high chance they’re familiar with you as well—and even if they weren’t, azul being jealous enough to send them after people that aren’t even remotely threatening your relationship is amusing enough for them to comply. he won’t go too far though, no matter how envious he may get. ruining someone’s reputation, having the twins beat them up or tricking them into unfair deals is one thing, but even someone like azul wouldn’t resort to cold-blooded murder. ▸ remember when vil, pretty lucid, tried to poison neige? yeah. with his unique magic and social standing, it would be really easy to get rid of anyone causing you issues. of course, with you being aware of his unique magic, he’d have to be careful to make sure you don’t realise, so it’s something he’d reserve for only actual emergencies. it’s also a lot easier to abuse his influence and fame to keep others away from you, whether it’s by threatening them himself or getting others to do his dirty work for him. when it comes to you and keeping your attention on him, he finds it much more rewarding to keep working on himself to meet your standards and doting on you even much than he already does. keep your eyes on him and only on him, won’t you? he’ll make it worth your while. ▸ idia, as a yandere, is incredibly desperate. he’s already perfectly content (well, not perfectly, but content enough) to just watch you through his screen and maybe chat with you online (with your anonymous pal who you definitely don’t know irl, of course), so if he gets lucky enough to be with you for real, there’s very little he won’t be willing to do to ensure it stays that way. in practice this means trying to appeal to you more than anything else; if you seem even the slightest bit unhappy with him, he’s desperately trying to fix it immediately. do you think he’s too offputting? he’ll cover his mouth and hair and— are you mad because he tried to convince you to ditch your friends and just stay with him again? he’s sorry! he doesn’t have an excuse, he’s just scared that you’ll realise you could do so much better and don’t like him that much after all. sometimes he thinks about how he definitely has the resources for more forceful and permanent measures, but then you smile at him, or tell him his smile is pretty, or run your fingers through his hair, or laugh at a comment he made and his mind goes blank and gives him a 404 error. there’s no way he could ever give that up just for some measly certainty… though the same can’t be said for those who he gets too jealous of or those who hurt you. not that you need to know that.

not needlessly violent ▸ sebek is… very enthusiastic about the things he dedicates himself to. this includes you. if you thought his devotion to malleus was excessive, it’s even worse when it comes to you. while he has no personal issues with fighting if it means protecting you (whether that protecting includes only actual threats is debatable), he takes pride in his position as malleus’ retainer. this means that no matter how he feels, he has to consider how his actions would make briar valley and his lord look. he also doesn’t really get jealous. instead (and this is almost worse), he has his own idea of how everyone else should treat you and he does get aggressive with others if he doesn’t think they’re treating you right. you deserve a heavy amount of respect and he finds it very aggravating when others don’t give you that (see: treat you like a regular person). he’s not subtle either—if anything, going behind your back on this would go against his values. he wants to be useful to you!!! he wants you to know how much he cares and how you’re superior and the one with all the power in this relationship!!! the good thing is he listens to everything to ask of him, no matter how ridiculous he finds you insisting you prefer being treated casually by your friends and peers. ▸ silver, while less outwardly enthusiastic, is no less devoted. he doesn’t really get jealous (there’s a dull ache in his chest when he sees you with others and thinks about the possibility of someone being more important to you than you are to him, but that’s not jealousy, right?), and he’s fairly realistic about what counts as a threat to you and what doesn’t. the problem is that as soon as something crosses that threshold, he’s drawing his wand (or baton. or sword. he’s trained and prepared with all three). it’s almost scarier than if he were enjoying it, because you have absolutely no clue how far he’s willing to go for your safety—or if he even has any limits when it comes to you. he has a rather twisted view on relationships, and that extends to you. you’ve been so kind and accommodating and caring, and he needs to repay you for that. he’s insistent on serving you, because his entire self worth (and by extension any care you’ve gracefully granted him) relies on being useful. also doesn’t really see himself as your proper equal, though he’s less aware of this compared to sebek, and also listens well to just about anything you ask of him. if it’s for you, he’d do anything. ▸ you have a very different definition of "not needlessly violent" than lilia, but it’s at least true he doesn’t go around picking fights. he's not bothered at all by baby chicks clinging too close to you. if anything, he might pop into the conversation and agree with them—you are great and wonderful and adorable and so much more! it makes the conversation kind of awkward, and whoever you were talking to might not seek you out as much afterwards, but beyond teasing you there's never any indication that he goes any further. of course, violence is something he’s been very accustomed to over his long life, so when someone actually hurts you he has no issue with getting the message across in a more… drastic way. as soon as he's done, he's right back to coddling you. they won't be repeating the same mistake again, so don't worry too much about it and stick close to him from now on, okay?

very needlessly violent ▸ violent probably isn’t the best way to describe leona, but he doesn’t hold back when it comes to you. what, you think he’s just going to sit back and let you go? you’re the best thing that’s happened to him, like hell he’s going to not put in the proper effort in keeping you. …even if you’re not sure if you entirely agree with the sentiment. he gets jealous very often, so it’s common to see him glowering and scaring off anyone he deems too close to you. there’s no need to go further when he knows they’ll leave you both alone afterwards, but the threat only works as well as it does because he has both the magical prowess and social influence to make good on his promises. he’ll insist he doesn’t see them as threats so much as pests hanging around and leeching off of you, but there’s some part of him deep down that’s scared you’ll decide you like someone else better after all. he’s not sure he could take even you leaving him. any actual danger to you is also dealt with quickly, and while he doesn’t want to threaten you into it, you won’t have an easy time abandoning him even if you try. you were the one who wormed your way into his life—you don’t get to leave now. ▸ yeah. lol. the tweels are very, very needlessly violent. perhaps not the most Dangerous in the grand scale, but almost definitely some of the most unpleasant. for their victims, at any rate—though they do occasionally (or not so occasionally) nearly give you a heart attack. they’d never seriously harm you though… probably. or actually kill anyone. right…? floyd tends to be the most immediately dangerous. he’s quick to turn to violence (and to get a little too into it) when you’re involved, even more than usual. someone’s bothering you? someone’s getting a bit too close to you in his opinion? you just want him to? you’re not paying enough attention to him and he knows this’ll get your focus back on him, where it should be? :) he’s not too hard to pacify, at least when it’s you offering to let him rest on your lap or offering to spend the whole day with him. jade is usually clocked as less dangerous than floyd, but. well. you know that line he says when he ruminates on how he’d react if betrayed? yeah. unlike floyd, who’s very open about his misdeeds, you’re not actually sure what jade does behind your back. you don’t want to know. the way some people in your life pale and flee at the sight of you, the way you don’t see some of them again at all, and the way jade smiles when this happens tells you all you need to know. what would happen if you betrayed him? fufu, you’d never do that so there’s no need to worry about it. ▸ didn't he attempt to blow up the school once… 💀 yeah, as cute as ortho is he's not exactly built with too many stop guards. the good news is he's easy to dissuade! the bad news is he's also very quick to escalate to really ridiculous levels. you're his older sibling, it's only natural he'd want to protect you! are you sure you don't need him to blow them up? chances are the threat alone worked well enough to deter anyone from messing with you again. you might want to have a conversation with idia about limiting some of ortho's abilities though because his enthusiasm… is a little very concerning… he does get a little jealous occasionally, but it's much easier to insert himself in the conversation and steal your attention that way. isn't your little brother cute? won't you focus some more on him? please?

▸ malleus is… malleus. violence isn’t his first resort, largely because it just… doesn’t need to be. he’s one of the five most powerful mages in the entire world. that title alone is enough to scare off anyone who’d mean to hurt you or is getting too close to you, so he rarely has to intervene in the first place. he also doesn’t mind you having other friends (though he does get lonely in your absence… make sure to make it up to him afterwards), so he really only steps in when you’re in danger. he’s not particularly worried about getting caught by you, because he’s so out of touch that it doesn’t occur to him that you may not appreciate him turning anyone who hurt you into ashes. if anything, he enjoys showing off how capable of keeping you safe he is. he’s defending you, who he cares about most in the world; why would that upset you? if you try to spin it as being worried about him getting into trouble for killing someone, he’ll be very pleased you’re worried about him instead. the only thing that would crack his calm attitude is any sort of reminder that he will long, long outlive you… but it’s best not to dwell on that. fret not, he won’t ever let you go.

[burr-ell]

The narrative is one thing, but I think it's really weird for fans to think Ludinus "has a point" about the gods in general causing the destruction of the Calamity when we know better. We objectively know better. It wasn't Sarenrae mutilating Vespin Chloras into a mindless puppet. It wasn't Melora sending Zerxus manipulative dreams and visions. It wasn't the Raven Queen destroying Exandria's protections against extraplanar threats. It wasn't Kord sending fiends into two inhabited cities to slaughter people indiscriminately. It wasn't Bahamut trying to release two emperor titans to destroy the planet. It wasn't Pelor killing and resurrecting Zerxus multiple times just for kicks, calling living breathing mortals "worthless paper dolls" and "a bad first draft".

It wasn't they who were responsible for the cloud of ash covering Exandria, or even most of the casualties. We know it was "not only in the first year, but in the first moments of Calamity" as Rau'shan and Ka'mort were destroyed—to prevent unleashing them on the world and everything being lost—that a large amount of that two-thirds of living beings were killed. We know that the "eruption of ash and fire, molten stone" from the destruction of Toramunda caused by the release of energy from the Astral Leywright sent up a cloud that covered Exandria for about a hundred years—up to the point where Downfall takes place, in fact. We know who then saw that destruction, done in the name of saving the world from the worst of his carefully plotted scheme, and then decided to shatter Exandria's teeth.

It's interesting how fixated some folks have gotten on the idea of "history being written by the winners", that maybe we don't really know the truth of what happened. It's not only ironic to then give infinite benefit of the doubt to the perspective of someone we know is a liar, it effectively wishes away how much of the history we've seen play out for ourselves. Under this...let's charitably call it understanding, the gods that we objectively know caused the Calamity's destruction are never the gods being referred to as oppressors and tyrants (even when they've explicitly identified themselves as oppressors and tyrants!).

For Bell's Hells, and the people of Exandria, much of this information has in fact been lost to time, and I don't look askance at them for not knowing what happened. I do, however, look askance at the real-life people who do know what happened, who can reasonably piece together the information we've been given, and are still so desperate for Ludinus to "have a point" that they're hiding behind tautologies and clichés so they can demonize the gods regardless. Because "what if the good guys were bad" is subversive, you see. When the black-and-white mindset is true but just casts the heroes as the villains, well, that's nuance, right?

[dxrlingx]

Scaramouche x F!reader

NSFW under the cut [full ver. of this]

Warnings: AFAB!reader, student x teacher, age gap(scara is in his 20s n reader her early 30s), slightly OOC scara?, switch!scara x switch!reader, piv, clit play, exhibition kink, mommy kink. Not proof-read.

Working in a new college as the history teacher oh so suddenly was more stressful than you expected it to be. But it had a good pay and the students there loved you so you didn't have much to complain. You loved being a teacher, it has been your dream ever since you were a little kid; though marking endless papers everyday and planning out lessons for the next day every night was tiresome, scaramouche, the student of your history class, was more tiring to deal with than anything or anyone else. You had to sometimes take a deep breath and stop yourself from snapping at him. Even though you were his teacher, older than him and wiser, that didn't stop him from shamelessly making fun of you for being "seductive" for having a swarm of horny good-for-nothing students that drools over you like dogs in heat. You'd roll your eyes at him, saying that you don't have any interest in having sexual intercourses with your students.

...Well that was your mindset. Until today.

You lift your head up from the papers you were reviewing to the door that had been barged opened with scaramouche angrily storming in, holding up his recent history test paper and pointing at the big '27/50' you had written on his paper. Gritting his teeth and spitting insults at you, demanding you to change his grades. You slammed your hands on your table, standing up from your seat as you grabbed his face, squeezing it as you pulled him closer, glaring at him. "You think just because your daddy's rich and you get your way with everything and everyone, you could do the same with me? Don't make me laugh.. tsk" You whispered sharply in his ears. Scaramouche was lost for words, gritting his teeth as he glared back at you. He tried his best to hide the fact that he was completely turned on by all this. Getting dominated by you, your harsh words and the scent of your perfume that always manages to drive him crazy; was all too much for him to handle, getting all hard in his pants like a fucking loser. Well, he was one.

You let out a heavy sigh, adjusting his face so that his eyes are fixed directly into yours, face relaxing as your lips curved into a teasing smirk. "Since you want me to raise your marks up so badly.. I guess I'll do it for you, just this once. But~ you have to give me something else in return, only then it will be fair, no?" You whispered to him yet again, bucking your knee as you pushed it right against his aching erection, earning a choked moan and a glare in return. "Are you serious? You really think I would agree to do tha-" "Oh dear don't be so stubborn now, do you really think I missed the way your eyes longingly stare at my chest whenever I lean down to help you with your work? Or when you would stare at my ass everytime I turn my back on you, only to catch you looking away with a blushing face as soon as I turn my head to face you? It's all too obvious darling.."

Scaramouche's face was as red as ever, his eyes avoided your gaze at the realisation that he's been caught red handed. And it embarassed him how much he wanted to fuck you, but for the sake of keeping up his pride he had to act like he didn't want to indulge in your request. His body tensed up as he felt you rub your knee against his erection, he cleared his throat nervously as he faced you. "F-fine. But only for my grades, don't think it's because I want to.. do that with you or anything" Your eyes lit up, chuckling. "Whatever you say, dear~" You responded teasingly as you shoved him down on your chair, opening the buttons of your blouse as you pulled down your skirt, biting your lips impatiently as you undid his belt, pulling out his erection leaking with pre-cum as you giggled. "Oh my, you're more excited than i thought you would be."

Holding his cock against your hole you slowly sinked down, biting your lip as you whined. Scaramouche groaned and gritted his teeth at the feeling of your tight warm walls enveloping around his cock, gripping the handles of the chair his hips twitched, unintentionally thrusting up as his tip poked against your g-spot. "A-ah!.. shit.. mommy's gonna move now okay?.." You said through heavy breaths, lifting up your hips as you slammed back down, back arching at the feeling. You sped up, riding scaramouche faster as you gripped on his shoulders for support. "Ngh- fuck! M-mommy.. slow down agh.." You opened your eyes, staring at scaramouche who was a blushing mess, his eyes were hazy and his lips slightly parted as he let out whines and moans. His hands travelled up to your boobs, grabbing a hold of them as he fondled them as he pleased. You choked out a moan as your hips twitched, signalling you were close to your release, scaramouche was holding back to just cum right there and there, the feeling of your pussy too much for him to handle.

You let out a gasp as scaramouche suddenly lifted you up, roughly laying you down on your desk as he lifted your right leg over his shoulder, staring into your eyes with a smirk as he pulled out completely, only to slam back into you roughly, his cock bullied in and out of your pussy quickly, pushing you both closer and closer to your climax. "S-scara!~ ah- ngh.. 'm gonna, g-gonna cum!" Scaramouche sped up, his thumb rubbing your clit. "Yeah? N-ngh-.. gonna cum for me? Fucking cum.. cum for me" He hissed, hand gripping your thigh which was rested on his shoulder as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, only to slow down his thrusts as he glanced at the door. "Shit" He cursed under his breath, his friend was here, searching for him. Scaramouche had made plans with his friend to head home together.. and he had forgotten about it.

"Scaramouche? 'Ya done talking to the teacher yet?" The door handle rattles, thank celestia it was locked. Scaramouche stared down at your worried face, his frown turning to a smirk as he went back to fucking you silly. His thumb circled around your clit even faster, bringing you over to your edge. His hand clasped against your mouth to muffle your sounds. "Scaramouche? Scara? You in there?" The door handle continues to rattle, your eyes rolled back in your head as you threw your head back, legs shaking as you squirted all over, your juice covering the documents on your table as well as scaramouche's abdomen. You closed your eyes in bliss, your hands grasping his wrist as you bit your tongue to further muffle your moans. Scaramouche let out a groan as his warm seed spurts in your womb. As he heard his friend's footsteps disappear he removed his hand from your mouth, pulling out slowly with a sigh, his hand caressing your cheek.

"Made you squirt like a slut, so give me full marks yea?"

[that-ari-blogger]

Galinda's True Colours

One key theme in Wicked is superficiality. The world of Oz is a place where honest conversation is difficult to come by. Almost everyone is pretending to be something, or believe something, or have something, all to get what they want.

Popular approaches this theme with the subtlety of a hyperactive wrecking ball and gives a musical monologue about how this world works, and why.

Because Galinda has been portrayed as ditsy up to this point, with a bit of the self-serving schemer archetype thrown in for flavour. But here, we see just how intelligent she is. Galinda has caught on to how the world works, and understands what buttons to push.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (Wicked)

The first element to be brought under examination is Wicked's love for subverting expectations. By this, I mean that certain mindsets in the world have stereotypes associated with them, take idealism and cynicism for example.

From what I have observed, when a writer wants to use one of these archetypes, they will probably draw on a few common ideas. The former is usually portrayed as stary-eyed and naive, or unflinchingly positive. Cynicism meanwhile has a certain sarcasm to it. A cynic might feature a permanent scowl and a dry remark as a kneejerk reaction to anything.

In short, Cynics are usually written to be villains who are overcome by hopeful heroes, or to be heroes who are proven right by a world where hope is meaningless. Idealists on the other hand are either heroes who make the world a better place by sheer force of goodness, or naive fools who the world breaks down.

Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule, but those exceptions are mostly more developed characters in their own right, so the label of "a cynic" doesn't really fit them. Batman is an idealist (when he's written properly).

What is fascinating about Wicked is how the characters are presented. Elphaba is introduced as cynical, she fits the archetype to a tea. But after a musical number, her character swaps entirely. She keeps the sarcasm, but the hopefulness becomes a driving force that goes against the stereotype.

Galinda is... introduced as a bit of a ditz. She's got an ego, she gets what she wants all of the time, she has a well-known family. She's the generic rich kid, essentially. Fiyero gets the same treatment.

For the record, By Galinda, I mean young Glinda, and I am treating them as separate entities until they meet back up.

Anyway, when Galinda starts singing, her real worldview becomes clear. It's possible to argue that it wasn't particularly hidden to begin with, but in Popular, she bludgeons you over the head with it.

"Celebrated heads of state Or 'specially great communicators Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were popular! Please, it's all about popular! It's not about aptitude It's the way you're viewed"

As much as I despise it, Galinda is kinda right here.

In 1964, Henry Littlefield published an essay in the American Quarterly titled The Wizard of Oz: Parable on Populism in which he gave some opinions on a theoretical metaphor inherent in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz book (if you don't want to read it, TedEd has a video discussing it and its legacy). He claimed that it was an inherently political book about the time Baum wrote it.

The sparkly new world looks even better if you put on tinted glasses, and only works if you understand that the wizard's power is empty, so Littlefield proposed.

Scholars since have praised, debated, and debunked Littlefield's essay. Pointing out the fact that this is pattern recognition with hindsight, in the same way that you can look to the stars and see a goat.

Essentially, there is an argument for The Wonderful Wizard of Oz being political, and there is an argument (most famously made by its Baum himself) that it is just a children's book.

Wicked is a satire, and not a children's book, so it gets away with some heavy insinuation, but to avoid landmines and a lack of knowledge on my own part, I am going to talk exclusively about how this affects the land of Oz itself, rather than its implications for the real world. Please don't argue in the replies.

So, Galinda's hypothesis here is that the leaders of Oz do not get to where they are because of any actual skill, but rather because they were well liked by either the people, or their superiors. She gets proven right about this throughout the musical. Madam Morrible moves up in the world by presenting Elphaba to the wizard, the Wizard gained power by giving Oz a common enemy, and Galinda and Fiyero themselves gain status seemingly out of nowhere.

In Oz, it doesn't matter what you know, but who you know, and who knows you.

In the show that I watched, Galinda was played by Courtney Monsma, who knocked this number out of the park. Galinda is an incredibly cynical character, but Monsma played her with what I can only describe as "manic pixie energy", which circles back to Wicked's idea of superficiality.

Because the ditzy pantomime of Galinda present in What is this Feeling and half of Dancing Through Life is nothing compared to the madness that is Popular. This is a character who knows exactly how to toss her hair to get what she wants, who knows how to make people think she is something she isn't.

Monsma played a character who was well aware that perception would get her further in life than intelligence, and was having fun with that confidence. But she is actually clever, Galinda has picked up on this fact that everyone else has just accepted subconciously, but now she can explain it.

This song feels like a hyper fixation rant. The frantic obsession was a mere outlet for the excitement of finally being able to speak to this worldview head on to someone who she respects and knows will actually understand her. This song feels like Galinda and Elphaba are on emotional and intellectual equal footing.

This song is also part of my case for Wicked as a queer musical that only works as a story because the romance doesn't. As in, this is a story about a romance that could have been, and that romance reads as queer to me. I will get more into it next week, but for now, I will say this:

This song doesn't matter, and that's exactly why it does matter.

This is the moment when Elphaba and Galinda connect, and share. This is Galinda trying to give back for the wand and make up for her previous behaviour to make Elphaba less of an outcast. But she has already done that.

The moment at the end of Dancing Through Life when Elphaba and Galinda share the spotlight, when Galinda makes herself look like a fool to match Elphaba, when she lets the outcast lead, and the rest of the room goes along with it. That moment is when the romance is kicked off, that is the moment when she starts making amends. That is the moment when she starts to make Elphaba less of a social pariah.

That dance renders Popular superfluous, or at least it does on paper. In reality, this song is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the foreshadowing department, even more so than What is this Feeling, in my most humble of opinions.

Popular happens because Galinda is right about so much in her world, but wrong about the most important thing. Brains and knowledge are irrelevant in Oz, perception is powerful, but empathy rules them all.

Galinda gives this big show of how amazing she is for helping people. Look at her, she's so good. But, Elphaba doesn't care about that, and Galinda does. The romance doesn't work in the end because Galinda realises too late that in the big scheme of things, superficiality is nowhere near as fulfilling as connection. That's why her romance with Fiyero breaks off, and its why her romance with Elphaba is doomed. She only realises this when both options are off the table.

The romance between Elphaba and Galinda breaks apart, but it can only do that because it was there to begin with. You can't tear down nothing.

You could read the relationship as entirely platonic, a friendship that breaks down. But art is subjective, and to me, the romance makes this story so much more compelling.

Final Thoughts

Popular is a popular song in the fanbase. It's an absolute bop, but it's also one of the simplest numbers in the entire production. The set is two beds, there is no fancy dancing, just one character sitting still and the other jumping around like she's on springs. The set doesn't change, there are no extra characters, nothing.

This song doesn't let anything distract from the character drama that is going on in centre stage, so that the audience can take in what is actually being said and done.

Next week, I am taking a look at I'm Not That Girl, and I will being going all in on the queer reading of this musical. Although, that is a heterosexual love song, right? How could that be queer? I have thoughts, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

(Images were sourced from this video)

[detectiveneve]

You mentioned in a previous Astarion analysis post:

"But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis)"

I am encouraging you to squawk. I think you've got a really good grasp of his character and I love your posts!

UPDATE***written during EA

@littlemisstrancy Sorry for the late reply! I fell down another rabbit hole of replaying haha.... Aww, thank you! I'm so glad, a good grade in Astarion is a Normal and Reasonable thing to want to achieve. But YES, I find his entire sex scene to be extremely interesting (going off of what Larian said that, paraphrased, nonsexual intimacy with some will mean more than sex with others, because of the nature of the relationship.)

What I find most interesting about Astarion's romance scenes is that the scene itself is remarkably much more syrupy than he, by nature, really is. We can point to, "darling," "my love," as evidence of his tendencies for the dramatics, yes, but given that these are petnames he'll throw out to a Tav he hates as much as a Tav he enjoys, the surface meaning and connotations of dramatic flirtations and even more dramatic pre-sex speeches.... shifts.

The way we filter these interactions shifts because we have to filter what is, at first glance, a typical romance scene, through the lens of the character giving the spiel. If Astarion associates dramatic seduction and slinky purring as simply the easiest way to get what he wants--or, perhaps, more than that, the expectation, the only way for this interaction to occur, because hollow dramatics/play-acting have been likely the only pseudo-""romance"" he's engaged in in the 200 years he's been with Cazador, that changes the meaning of everything, including the line: "You want to lose yourself in me." <- sure laddie, just keep objectifying and disconnecting yourself from the experience itself and repeat the habits of behavior that you've learned from 200 years of being someone else's toy and tool where you weren't even a willing participant in what was happening, merely a mandatory one. that'll be really great. no backfiring here whatsoever.

Okay, sorry, under the cut the rest of this goes because I went off on three different tangents to try and tie them all back together again. This is mostly my background reasoning for above. WHAT DOES THE REST HAVE TO DO WITH TAV. Honestly I'm not sure anymore I started talking and then I didn't stop talking.

It feels like so much of the overarching realities of their circumstances fall away for Tav, but it also haunts the entire interaction with Astarion. Shallow charm. Winning over people. A pretty face opening doors. I'd chalk it up to sexy-video-game-scene-writing if it were any other game, but the other romance scenes aren't nearly so grandstanding and are written I think intentionally to subvert that, so this is an Astarion Thing, and likely goes deeper than that first glance. As it stands, Astarion barely even knows who he is now that he's outside of Cazador's control. "Another thing that I've lost." -- His personhood has been nonexistent, and he's been a tool, and he's been, for lack of a better word, dehumanized to the fullest extent for an insurmountable amount of time. So of course the thing he learned best is that the easiest way to get what you want, or get what you need, is to be easily projected unto. He can't keep the facade up for very long, I don't think, but in that scene his "don't ask too many questions just look at how hot I am" mindset is fully on to me.

The thing is that his circumstances with Tav here are entirely different than the ones he's been in before, but just because the circumstances are different doesn't mean that the behavior will be different, or that habits formed out of severe distress/torture in his own words will be so easily let go of. My ULTIMATE POINT is that charm and flirtations are things Astarion clearly separates from himself and his actual beliefs, and he treats what we conceive as "charming" behavior fairly flippantly--once again, that "my love," means... not... a lot. we just met 2 weeks ago, pal. And I don't think he's interested in using it like that anymore, because he's not making a super great effort to be perceived as likeable. It comes out mostly in scenes where flirting and charisma are expected of the interaction and then they're pushed to their most exaggerated format, when he isn't actually typically like that in other conversations. Dramatic and foppish, yes, and enjoys ridiculousness in several formats, yes, but not nearly so egregiously saccharine, at all.

If he is starting to give a fuck about Tav, or even the group, that's something else to grapple with, and it's still at this point I think partly wrapped up in the idea that Tav makes for a "good ally." His scenes where he says: "we're more alike than I thought" "You're stronger than I gave you credit for," feel more genuine and honest to me in some ways than his sex scene speech. His fondness for Tav and his idea that strength/power/security can be found by sticking close to Tav can be true at the same time, in an interesting dance between his growing connection to them and his general ideas on people, power, and control.

So secondary: is Astarion a manipulator who's using this sex scene to control Tav emotionally and that's what he's got going on here? Eh... maybe yes and no? He wouldn't ask Tav if he wasn't interested--as seen by how he'll shut you down if he can't stand your guts. If he's using sex for that, it's up in the air, open to interpretation, depends on your HC, I can see both interpretations and I'm not going to claim one is more true than the other, since there's evidence for both "manipulating" and "not manipulating" and to me, the truth falls somewhere in the middle. I'm sure the thought has probably crossed his mind, but I don't actually think he's good enough at charm to follow through on that, which I will now elaborate on in INTRICATE detail....

Astarion isn't actually concerned about being likeable, or wanted within the group--or, rather, he may be concerned about it (because there's both safety and danger in a group setting), but he also isn't concerned about it enough to not advocate entirely for self-preservation and selfishness at generally every turn. He also isn't concerned about winning over the group enough to abdicate his firmest belief: that the tadpole is an advantage they should use, and a power he intends to keep.

And, if you relent to the group, he calls you spineless in the face of everyone else. So he's not afraid to insult you, Tav, either, certainly not to preserve some loose semblance image of ""charming,"" which he's already really bad at maintaining in general, because his brand of everything can just as easily piss people off as compel. Bad taste central.

Hell, his intro scene displays this best: He lures you in with a silly little lie that makes him sound weaker than he is ("You can kill it, can't you? Like you killed the others!") and then he strikes when your back is turned. Shallow charm is an accessible tool, he doesn't have the patience for long-lasting plots or extended slinky charm. Or if he does, and he's been manipulating all of us, he's not doing a great job, since half the party is making faces at him the whole time. Buuut....

During the mirror conversation, if you tell him vanity is a weakness:

(Text - Astarion: It's an indulgence, I'll grant you, but a weakness? A well-presented face can open a lot of doors.)

There is an awareness of beauty and charm that Astarion references often. He isn't really afraid to objectify himself for his own means, or being perceived as weaker than he is (except in certain circumstances). He knows these things are quite relevant, socially. Beautiful people are treated better. Beautiful people typically can get away with more. Actually I could probably approach this from a Class and Wealth related lens too, because his history as a magistrate probably also influences this mindset a lot, but that is. a THIRD separate essay.

He seeks to be strong enough to beat Cazador, at least partly through the same means that Cazador himself uses. The tadpoles give us absolute authority, in the end, and Astarion has zero qualms inflicting onto others what was inflicted onto him when we use them. But prior to the tadpole, what tools did Astarion have at his disposal? Very few, and most of them revolved around empty charm, quick-thinking, and trying to predict unpredictable moods and then enduring whatever came of those moods. That hollow charm falls under these kinds of tools, which gave him very short-term influence over at least the people he would lure back to Cazador. Likely the only form of control or power he had within all of that, and where he himself was without control as his entire being was under someone else's thumb. And those habits will likely persist for awhile, until he relearns who and what he wants to do and be outside of Cazador's purview. Which could mean anything, this is not to make him sound softer than he is or sweeter than he is. His vainglorious bitch syndrome is 4D chess of truth and not truth, empty cloying, vicious lashing out, and 10 degrees of identity issues wrapped up in all of that, so it's difficult to pin down just one thing as Real or Not Real, and I don't think even he knows what's Real and Not Real right now.

[writingquestionsanswered]

I looked at your posts under "Motivation" from the Masterlist, and was wondering if you have anything on a smaller scale? I have generic motivation to write, but I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. Meaning, I do want to write, but it takes a long time for me to "wake up" properly and get in the proper mood. I often end up getting really into it very late into the evening, and it's messing with my sleep routine. I've tried simple things like eating a good breakfast and having water and caffeine but I remain sluggish for over 50% of the day. It might be more of a mental/physical issue and not just writing, but I figured I'd give it a try. I also have Autism and ADHD so I think you might be a bit familiar?

To summarise, my issue is just my mind and body taking too long to wake up and get into the mood/mindset for writing, and it's seriously messing up my sleep schedule.

Taking Too Long to Get into Writing Mode Each Day

The first thing I think you should try is to break the cycle... give yourself a week or so break from trying to write, and make sure you're getting to bed at a time that allows you the amount of sleep that you need to feel rested.

Once you've done that and caught up on your sleep for a week or so, see if you're still struggling with taking a long time to wake up. There are things you can try, like starting off your day with a walk or other exercise, but if you still find yourself taking all day to wake up, I think that's definitely worth talking to a doctor about. Fatigue can be caused by any number of things, including medication and minor medical issues, so getting that checked out could bring you to a solution that helps you sleep better, feel more rested in the morning, and help you wake up faster.

Something else: if you always wait until you're feeling 100% and in the proper mood to write, you're never going to write.

Very, very few writers would tell you they wake up every day fully rested, physically and mentally tip-top, and feeling geared up to get to writing. Writers, most of the time, are people who are juggling writing with jobs, families, school, care giving... and sometimes all of the above. I have friends who write bleary-eyed with dried spit-up on their shirts while their babies take painfully brief naps. I have friends who work fifty hours a week, and only write on the weekends or the occasional day off. I have friends who write on their phones when they're sitting in their care in the school pick-up line between work and four hours of after school activities. I have friends with chronic illness, who write on the good days, and dream about writing on the bad days.

The point is, if you truly want to write, you'll find a way to make it work. Even if it's only fifteen minutes a night before you go to bed, if that's what works for you, that's what works for you.

And sometimes, it's really less about being in the proper mood and more about just getting your but into the seat, doing the hard work, and making it a habit, or as much of one as you're able to have. I'm almost never in the proper mood to write, and I struggle with pretty bad fatigue a lot. But even on the days when I'd rather do literally anything else, I sit down and I do what I can. Some days that might be a sentence or two. Some days it might be half a chapter. On really rare days, it might be hundreds of words. And then, on some days, I stare at the screen for ten minutes and say, "Nope!" But the point is I try, every day--or as often as possible--and it is the very act of forcing my butt into the chair on those days that allows me to get the words out. If I waited until I felt great or was in the right mood, I'd never get anything written. ♥

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[underratedgrapeju1ce]

I need to know your exact thought process while writing In My Restless Dreams right now🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

hope ur prepared to hear me yap LMAO

i take characterization very seriously so thats always at the forefront of my mind, i want it to feel believable even if it falls under the umbrella of an au.

giovannis a really interesting character to me, as much as i make homophobic goose jokes, his mindset is genuinely rly thought provoking. squeaks knows how to write nuanced characters, i see no reason he would stop at gio. but as of rn i can only speculate

branching off that, this fic is basically a fun way for me to study the character dynamics, esp bucky and gio and bucky and walter, but i dont want the other guys to get left in the dust, which is why i included that scene with stumbler in chapter 3. chapter 7 and 8 especially are gonna go in depth with olive, stumbler and wulf.

imagery/immersion is something i feel like i could improve at, so i try and do little practice one shots and studying my fav writers (both fanfics and normal literature)

i also wanna pace the story well so theres enough suspense to keep people reading, but not too much that its just a bunch of cliffhangers with no substance. i wanna have fun writing, but i also hold myself to a pretty high standard, for better or worse lol

i dont rly do rough drafts? i make a bulleted list of plot points, and then i just. write from there. i usually read it back the next day to fix typos and formatting and stuff. but other than that i just try and go with the flow.

all in all i wanna do the little guys justice, especially bucky, hes a rly special character to me. i have a nightmare written out that i really wanna fit into the story, as well as a pretty big plot point with gio that im still tinkering with. i'm rly glad people are vibing with it ^^

buckle up though, it gets much much worse before it gets better. :)

[broadwaybalogna]

I, a Zutara shipper, would have way more fun self inserting on Mai

So why don’t I?

A short essay on self inserting, what it means, my experience, and why it shouldn’t be a problem.

So the ‘problem’ of me self inserting recently arose again with discourse surrounding a post of mine. I’ll spare you the details, but someone, in an attempt to make me look like a bad person (I assume) said that I was a “self insert”. At first, I was confused because I don’t understand why something like that would be used as an insult. Then I remembered the horrible stigmatization that self inserting has had on the atla fandom.

So I’d like to bring light to what it truly means to self insert.

For this short essay, I’ll be using the term “self insertion” as defined by Wikipedia:

“Self-insertion is a literary device in which the author writes themselves into the story under the guise of, or from the perspective of, a fictional character. The character, overtly or otherwise, behaves like, has the personality of, and may even be described as physically resembling the author of the work.”

First, I would like to go over why I would personally prefer self inserting on Mai, since it’s technically the clickbait for this post.

I had a very large emo/goth phase a few years back. I loved wearing black, chokers, being depressed, etc. while I don’t necessarily identify with that version of myself anymore, I still hold high praise to any and all people who are emo/grunge/goth/fall under that kind of category. Now, I’m not saying that Mai is emo, she’s actually the exact opposite as she doesn’t display much of any emotion, but she is a badass female character who has space buns, a fiery personality, and really cool weapons. I actually like the idea of her a bit more than Katara, and it would certainly be easy to self insert onto her since her character was never really fleshed out.

(Look at her… she’s so cool. I can’t decide if I wanna be her or be with her…) this would probably also be a great time to say that I don’t feel here nor there about Mai in fandom spaces. There are many anti Mai people out there, but I honestly don’t care much for her at this point other than what I’ve already established.

I can relate to a good portion of her problems (being the face of her family, holding their reputation, not having many friends etc.) so self inserting on to her would honestly be no problem for me. So why don’t I do it?

Because my characterization as a shipper doesn’t revolve around myself. If it did, I’d totally okay into that sarcastic brooding gf because I think it’s kinda badass.

I ship Zutara not because I personally wanna be with Zuko, but because I want Katara to be with Zuko. Does that mean that I don’t self insert onto Katara? Hell to the no.

Self inserting helps me understand a character to the best of my ability. In order to figure out how a character might act, react, or approach a situation, I have to put myself into their shoes, that’s just how I work. I don’t think this is a mindset that is personal to just me either, there are plenty of other people who self insert onto Katara and Zuko in order to best convey the realism of their stories.

Now, I’ve self inserted onto BOTH Katara and Zuko, (which probably won’t stop the haters any more than before since I am attracted to both men and women) and in each of those times, I am sure to always stay true to the original characters. I am always considering how the characters were brought up, what they have experienced that has shaped their personality and how they have behaved before.

But I can’t just rely on that to help me tell a story. I have to feel the characters. I have to know what they’re feeling and how it affects them.

This may seem weird, but when writing, I’ll often close my eyes and imagine myself in a scenario much like what the people I’m writing about are experiencing.

This is how I became well known for some of my writing.

I’ve written monologues for characters to say that reflect my own experiences to help give myself and others peace of mind.

I’ve written relationships based on flaws I’ve had with people in my life.

And I’ve written hate. Because I feel hate, and I know that Katara and Zuko do too.

Self inserting shouldn’t be viewed as something that’s horrible for authors to do, it should be embraced. There shouldn’t be a world where people can’t share their experiences through people they relate to.

If you can’t see yourself agreeing with me, I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ll ever see eye to eye. This is something that I am passionate about, and I will not be thrown off my stance because of a small insult.

In conclusion, I could very easily self insert onto Mai, you could even say it would be lemon squeezy, but self insertion isn’t the only thing that drives me to ship characters, and it never will be. I am a complex person with complex emotions that have led me to look at Katara and Zuko and envy their relationship. Yeah, I want it, and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

[neverchecking]

Maybe some yandere legend headcannons with a reader that dotes on him as they are aware of the things he does for them but loves him back close to a yandere degree and shows public ways of claiming him to other people like sitting in his lap or kissing him so much to the point he turns the same color as his hair.

Legend is like that fugly little rat in the corner that I tried hating but now he's just my baby boy.

Fugly ass rat (affectionately).

This was written under the idea that Reader, when paired with Legend like this, takes no shit. Eats name and takes ass. Stays in drugs, doesn't do school. You know, the Cool kid.

The Cheaper Things in Life

・❥・So, Legend isn't used to open affection. And I know the obvious route is that he's against it, he hates PDA, yadda yadda yadda, BUT-

(It's my comfort character and I'll mis-characterize him if I want to-)

・❥・Hear me out. It's the exact opposite. With the Yandere mindset, Legend is constantly reminded that things can be torn away, just like that`, constantly. Marin was a grim reminder of this fact. Honestly, Legend swore of love entirely because of the trauma the loss of her left him with.

・❥・But then you, in all your divine glory, come bulldozing into his life, probably flipping off his trauma along the way, and throwing him on his ass along the way.

・❥・He didn't even know how to react when you went right up into his face, barking at him to back off from the taunts when he pushed a little too far one too many times.

・❥・He had been stuck falling for you ever since.

・❥・It took a lot of pride time for him to apologize to you, but he did so, gently asking if you could give him a do-over. And to his surprise, you eagerly agreed, holding out his hand with a wide smile. Reintroducing yourself as if every syllable wasn't already branded onto his tongue.

・❥・He played along however with a small tilt to his lips and a cheeky bow-- even going as far as to take off his hat and holding it in the hand that folded against his torso.

・❥・From then on, your interactions become much more amicable. He'd even go as far as to say (Heart-racing, soul cleansing, spirit leaving-) friendly.

・❥・You seem to be a relatively affection 'friend' however. He can't number the amount of times you've bounced up to him, pressed a sin stained peck to his cheek before bounding off with a laugh on your lips and his hat on your head, leaving him sputtering for a second.

・❥・Or how many times you've come to lean on the back of his chair, arms wrapped loosely around his shoulders as one of the others goes on about a battle plan.

・❥・Or how many nights you've spent cradled in his close embrace, muffling your sobs into his shoulder as you mourn your life previously lived and have broken his heart with your cries about you miss it.

・❥・He would do it all over again, in a heartbeat though. He would fight Hylia herself should you wish, just to minimize your anguish.

・❥・That all being said, he can't even find himself to think of you two as friends anymore. What sort of friends do that? None that he knows of (Never mind that he never lets anyone close enough to do that sort of thing).

・❥・So you must not be friends! You must be too shy to call him otherwise! Which just wouldn't do. How could he let everyone else know you were his and his alone and he would die to keep you by his side or pit his blade against anyone who dares to try and take your place were taken?

・❥・He's the one to ask you out, sitting on a high enough branch that the others couldn't hear you, but you could still watch over them.

・❥・He took a mental picture of your red-cheeks and flustered expression as you stumbled over your words before ultimately nodding slowly.

・❥・After that, it was as if you had been dating for years rather than hours, days, weeks, etc. He just made it so easy.

・❥・You spoke of him with such awe and grace, like you believed the hero title bestowed upon him. You spoke of the little things he did like they were worth tenfold what the monumental ones were.

・❥・And it was so perfect. You didn't care for all the heroics or the adventures, you cared for him. You didn't care if he could take out armies of bokoblins, no, you cared much more when he took the time to fix a hole in your pants. You didn't care if he had solved more puzzles than he cared to remember, but you did care when he took the time to set your bed mat out near the fire before you got ready for bed to ensure it was warm enough for you before nightfall. You didn't care for all the trinkets and rings and items he had that did incredible things. But you did care when he let you lay against his chest, watching him work through more sewing work, with some tune hummed under his breath.

・❥・Golden three above, he couldn't get enough of you.

・❥・At first, he assumed that you were taking your time to warm up to him, and he was giving you your space to do so lest he chase you right out of his arms and into someone else's He wouldn't let that happen, he wouldn't, not again, not again, notagainnotagainnotagainnotagain- . He was fine with that.

・❥・But when he's talking to some unnamed daughter of a merchant, who's much to talkative and trying way to hard to show off her chest to him-- something he took no interest in, not when he had truly ethereal you-- he figures that no, you are in fact holding yourself back.

・❥・You had gone off to some stall, looking at an assortment of fabrics with Legend following obediently after you, aweing over the different textures and colors as he stood on watch. That was when this...wench appeared, twirling a long lock of red hair around one of her fingers. He merely scoffed at her, turning his attention back to you. You were carefully examining two different red fabrics, pinching them closer together to view them side by side. You had an absolutely adorable little pout on your face that he just ached to kiss. He went to do just that before this HARLOT was getting in his way.

・❥・Could she not get the hint?

・❥・Scathing insults laid on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be fired before your hands, soft and understanding, full of nothing but pure love in touch alone, landed on his bicep. Your gaze was sharp and dangerous, honeyed lips leaking venom as you feigned innocence, asking what she was doing.

・❥・He knew he was completely ruined for anyone else when your smile turned razor edged, now a full blown smirk, and your tone remained saccharine sweet.

・❥・He was down so bad.

・❥・You, without breaking so much as a sweat, much less this character you had donned, tore this witch to absolute shreds, watching with some sort of amused glint in your eye as tears welled in her eyes before she was storming off in an embarrassed huff before you were dragging him in the opposite directions, completely oblivious to his lovesick gaze.

・❥・"Their fabrics were cheap anyway."

・❥・Great Din's tits, he was going to marry you someday.

[total-drama-brainrot]

Deep diving into Alejandro's ethnicity and family because the show is vague with how both are portrayed, and I'm pedantic:

Off the bat, we know that he was born in 🇪🇸 Spain. Or at least, that's what his wiki page says, so I'm sure it's mentioned in some kind of canon content (the show, the character interviews, the creators' stating it, ect). He often times speaks en español, either by replacing words and phrases in otherwise English sentences or cussing out his team in an entirely spanish confession. His name is also rooted in Spanish origin; 'Alejandro' is the Spanish equivalent of Alexander, and his surname 'Burromuerto' literally translates to "Dead Donkey", likely a combination of the idioms "beating a dead horse" and "no ver tres en un burro", translation: can't see three on a donkey; akin to 'blind as a bat'.

I could go on about the symbolism of his name(s) and how it relates to his performance on Total Drama, but that's not essential to the topic at hand so I'll go over it later.*

With this in mind, the show really wants us to believe that he's Spanish, or at the very least Hispanic.

In Chinese Fake-Out, we learn that he won a gold medal at the South American Skate Olympics, so he presumably lived somewhere in South America in his childhood. On the wiki, it claims that he moved to Latin America soon after he was born. His comment in the same episode about eating barbequed guinea pigs where he grew up had a lot of people deducing that he lived in 🇵🇪 Peru since guinea pig is famously a delicacy there. The question begs, why would Alejandro and the rest of the Burromuertos move to Peru from Spain?

We know that Alejandro's father is a diplomat, so uprooting the family to a new country could be related to his work, but I doubt a diplomat would settle down and start a family just to go through the hassle of moving them halfway across the world to a random country, regardless of his salary.

What other reason would anyone have for dragging their brood across the sea? To see their extended family.

Family is a big character motivation for Alejandro: he has a lot of pride in being a Burromuerto and often times complains about disappointing his family or being susceptible to José's teasing when his plans don't work out. Pride is a staple of the Burromuertos; they even have a family code they abide by. That kind of mindset is usually generational, implying that his parents place the same emphasis on the presentation and opinions of their family.

The most glaring example of this mindset is the hate fuelled rivalry between Alejandro and José, which was sparked by their desperate need to be the "better son". The main goal of the Burromuerto brothers is familial recognition. Understandable, when your parents are too successful to raise you themselves, any kid would be desperate for their attention. Since their competition was allowed to escalate to the point of mutual loathing, their parents probably encouraged their behaviour; when you value familial reputation over everything of course you want your children to continuously prove themselves. (Poor Al is just full of complex familial trauma, from his parents' neglect to his brothers' bullying to the incredible pressure he's put under to succeed. No wonder he's like that.)

After seeing how the brothers are willing to go to extremes for the sake of family, it's reasonable that parents sharing that mindset would move across an ocean just to see their relatives (and likely compete with them, after all even a younger Alejandro was showing up everyone in South America's skateboarding scene).

Suggesting that either one or both of his parents, or grandparents, are Latin American. For simplicities sake, we'll say that Alejandro's dad is Spanish (as he carries the surname), and his mother is Peruvian (since Peru is the assumed country they moved to).

That means that the brothers qualify as both Hispanic and Latino. Alejandro's latin blood really is canon, and the stereotypical 'Latin Lover' archetype he fills (alongside the "Archvillain" he's titled as) is all the more accurate. He's evidently very proud of both heritages.

To clarify, the Burromuertos moved to Peru when Alejandro was young to be with his Mother's side of the family.

If we want to really wade into the theoretical waters, I'd like to suggest that Alejandro's father left Spain because he disgraced himself/his family in some way, and that's why he's so insistent on his sons restoring the family pride and prestige.

So, I've established Alejandro's ethnicity and touched on the bare-bones basics of his home life. But what about his other brother, or his uncle? You know, the characters that were mentioned once and never expanded upon. Don't worry, I've got notes on them too.

Carlos: The eldest child and a professional soccer player. Alejandro doesn't mention anything about a rivalry with Carlos. Instead, he suggests the two share a healthier bond as Carlos taught him soccer skills. 'Carlos' the name is a Spanish variant of Charles, meaning "free man". Fitting, since it's widely assumed that Carlos escaped from the Burromuerto home's harmful environment at his first opportunity and 'freed himself' from their high expectations/standards, hence why he doesn't engage in the family-typical hypercompetitive bullying. A somewhat common fandom troupe I've seen is Carlos being disowned by the Burromuertos, and post-World Tour/All-Stars Alejandro reconnecting with him after he too is disowned.

Uncle Julio: The hypnotist. All we really know about Julio is his name and occupation, but it's enough to pin him down as Alejandro's maternal uncle. Alejandro states that he learned hypnosis from Julio in The EX-Files; as he grew up in Peru, the only family he reasonably could have interacted with outside of the nuclear unit would be his mother's relatives. His comment "manipulation runs in the family" is never ascribed to the Burromuertos by name, which adds to the implication that Julio isn't his father's brother, as any skill as useful as hypnosis would definitely be branded under his surname otherwise. Additionally, 'Julio' as a name is derivative of the Latin Julius or Julianus (meaning "Devoted to Jove/Jupiter", the Roman incarnation of Zeus, though I can't find any meaning in this applicable to his character), and not a strictly Spanish name like those of Alejandro and his brothers. Instead, it's common in most Hispanic and Latin American countries.

José: The middle child and Alejandro's source of his lingering childhood trauma, if the aversion to the nickname "Al" is anything to go by, I've already written about their relationship. The name 'José' is a Spanish variant of Joseph, which means "to add/give" in it's simplest interpretation. He sure does give Alejandro a tonne of issues, so I suppose it tracks.

*And finally, analysing the symbolism of Alejandro's name.

Alejandro, derived from Alexander, meaning "warrior" and "man's defender". Though in Al's case, it's likely a reference to Alexander the Great as opposed to the name's literal meaning/origins- Alejandro conquered the competition like Alexander conquered his empire.

Burromuerto's double idioms combine "beating a dead horse donkey" with "blind as a bat", likely as a convoluted way to say he's blinding the dead donkey; in this case, the beaten dead horse donkey is the OG cast of Total Drama who have already been milked for two seasons of content and have little left to offer (therefore, the third season is the beating of the dead horse, as its' an attempt to force content out of a resource with nothing left to give. that's why they added two more competitors, if that makes any sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well enough,) and Alejandro is deceiving or 'blinding' them through his manipulations.

Obviously, this is all speculation written by someone with too much free time and no expertise. All of my knowledge/facts come from google searches and connecting dots that likely have no real links to each other. I'm not an authority on any subject. Keep that in mind, please.

Feel free to add your own opinions/thoughts! Or correct things that are be wrong!

[sciderman]

Reading the first few issues by Lee and Ditko and it's so interesting seeing that Peters main reason for being Spider-Man isn't wanting to be a hero and help people/stop badguys but earning money to support May, so when he gets into a supervillian fight it's either a coincidence that happened while he tried making money from them (taking pictures of them mainly) or getting caught up in their shit and either being nosey (Thinkerer) or being tricked by them (Chameleon) and it suddenly becomes a "vendetta" thing because either he was duped or spited by them. Whitch along with him being a self-isolating and kinda egoistical prick is such an interesting look at this "selfless symbol of heroism and responsibility" and i wish we got more of that in modern version of teen Peter.

honestly!!! really - it was kind of such a realisation when i went back into the spider-man comics to find out that "great power great responsibility" really honestly wasn't actually peter parker's driving motivation when starting, but actually something that he learns over years upon years – and even then, it really still isn't why he does it. he does it because that's how he gets his kicks.

and so now when i see peter kind of reduced to the "great power great responsibility" mindset, i feel like it's kind of a gross simplification of him - which is crazy, because i was kind of guilty of it, too.

i don't think peter even really fully understands "great power great responsibility" to this day. it's something he's still faced with, and something he still questions, every day.

i don't think any writer who reiterates those words even knows what it means. i've seen it written in so many contexts in the comics and other adaptations and audibly whispered under my breath "thhaat's not what it fucking meeeeeans....."

turns out! responsibility means a whole plethora of things, actually - and spider-man is often a way for peter to dodge his responsibilities as peter parker.

not only that, but uncle ben never actually says the words "great power great responsibility" to peter parker. it's just a narrative thing. he never says the words!!!!!! ! !! ! !

peter parker doesn't learn that lesson from uncle ben. and really, peter's entire reckoning with responsibility isn't that he owes the world his gifts as spider-man, but actually he has to take on new responsibilities after uncle ben's death - he has to support aunt may.

he has to support gwen, after captain stacy's death.

peter's whole "great responsibility" thing is about him struggling to keep up with all these very masculine roles and responsibilities being imposed upon him as he grows into a man. it's not actually a question of him owing the world his powers as spider-man - that's just a misunderstanding of the lesson that he's kind of buried himself into. he thinks it means he owes the world everything - and that's kind of what leads him to fail the people that he really should hold responsibility to.

it's so fun. it's so complicated. he throws all his responsibilities into his identity as spider-man, and acts in avoidance of his responsibilities as peter parker. sorry. i think about this a lot. i think about this a lot.

great power and great responsibility is such an interesting set of words that absolutely everyone has a different interpretation of. and some people reiterate it like it's meant to mean something, but it doesn't when they say it. like it's a set of words meant to be paired with spider-man but they kind of fall hollow when the person writing them actually doesn't think about the meaning of it. it's kind of almost lost all of it's meaning at this point.

[miaunifest]

“find your own seat!”

summary: your best friend steals your unassigned assigned seat before a debriefing. you’re somewhat dramatic, though you’d disagree; but suddenly you’re in his quarters confessing your love at 2 am.

a/n: bc u guys r sleeping on him while im sleeping with him 🤞🏼 i have not written an actual fic in so long bare with me pls…

You left behind “seating charts” and “assigned seats” the moment you graduated highschool - which is exactly why you were making a fuss about a certain Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick sitting in your seat. It offended you more than it should’ve, really, considering how Kyle spent every waking moment with you and knew how territorial you could get.

This had most likely been the biggest betrayal of your life, and it happened right under your nose. From that stupid, handsomely smug grin Kyle had been wearing since you first chatted in the morning to the way he stared at you innocently, your figure towering over his.

“Do you need something?” He asked, biting back a giggle.

“I do! And I am so glad you asked me,” you sneered (somewhat) playfully.

“You know I’d do anything for you, (Y/N). What do you need?”

“For you to get out of my seat.”

Was it ridiculous that you were upset over this? Yes. Would Soap be making fun of you for getting defensive over a chair later? Without a doubt. Are you a drama queen who lives to cause unnecessary scenes? Absolutely.

A tension sat in the air, bordering on sexual and romantic, while successfully being hostile. Not hostile enough to remove your best friend from your spot, of course. All you could think about while looking at him was about the nerve this man has; does he not know everyone has their own unofficial seats? You sit next to Kyle while Soap sits across from you. Price and Ghost interchanged their seats, not really caring who they were across or next to.

Even with that, one thing was certain - the seat across from Soap was yours. It had been since you first walked into that godforsaken meeting room, Kyle beckoning you to sit next to him, a smile plastering that stupid face of his. That stupid face you wanted so badly to hold and pepper with kisses, listening as he giggled, body undoubtedly getting warmer.

Another thing that was certain happened to be your unmoving gaze, the only thing breaking your trance being a gentle kick to your boot. Back to the point, your seat was stolen - or something along those lines.

“Move.” You demanded while puffing your chest in an attempt to appear bigger, an attempt Kyle found albeit cute.

“Unless Price walks in here with a seating arrangement, I don’t think I will,”

An exasperated sigh left your lips, “find your own seat!”

By some miracle of God (Ghost and Price walked through the door) he moved back to his seat, sparing you another 5 minutes of stress as your meeting began.

“You’re such a drama queen,” Kyle nudged you gently, holding open the door for you.

“Tuh! Not even,” but you were nothing short of it.

“Yes even! You looked like you were ready to beat me half to death with that damn chair,”

“I’m the most rational person on this team!” Your right hand found its way to your heart, resting over it to exaggerate.

“Said nobody ever,” he smiled, earning a shove from you.

Your eyes rolled playfully, thinking about how there’s never a dull day with him around.

That mindset is probably how you found yourself inside of his quarters at 2 am, your heart was beating so fast and irregularly a doctor would’ve mistaken your feelings for a heart murmur. In all honesty, you can’t blame them - he really did make you feel like you had a heart murmur sometimes, as niche as it sounds.

“Why are you awake?” Kyle asked with sleep in his voice. God, it just made you want to bite him so hard like he’s pure jello. Not in a sexual way (though you wouldn’t mind it), call it cuteness aggression. A whole bunch of it. An unhealthy amount, you’d argue.

Suddenly your knees wanted to buckle and you tripped over your own tongue, tumbling on every single word that refused to leave your throat. Only strings of, “uhhh,” and “ummm”s leaving your mouth.

Are you supposed to feel this way around your best friend? Definitely not. Were you going to ignore this feeling? Not for any longer.

“Couldn’t sleep, I was thinking,” you were being honest, truth only ever left your lips - well, most of the time anyway.

“About..?” He dragged out the ‘o’, your breath hitched.

Adrenaline and anxiety were far from new feelings, they’re considerably familiar around Kyle. It wasn’t just tonight those feelings kept you up, for someone who (literally) pushes him around all the time, he plagued your mind. There was something so comforting and scary about what you were going through. Comforted by the fact that it’s your best friend you are very obviously in love with, but scared by that same thought.

Who wouldn’t be scared about losing it all? Completely tarnishing your friendship, one you’d spent so much time building and cherishing. There was everything to lose with only one thing to gain: clarity. Clarity about his feelings, because you’ll be damned, he was so open he could be difficult to read.

You were going to say something you’d regret tonight, if you could get out any cohesive sentences that is.

You. I was thinking about you and that dumb laugh you have and how you always hold the door open for me and you’re the first to notice what’s wrong and the fact you listen to me when it feels like I’m drowning myself out and -

Your reply was only said the first word, of course. Confidence and courage were not your fortes, but if you hoped hard enough one day you’d speak your mind freely.

“You.”

He smiled? You think he did, at least. There wasn’t much, or any light, actually. Was his room always this hot? The sweat forming in your palms tells you otherwise, but the temperature distracts you from whatever words might come out of Kyle’s mouth next.

“I was thinking about you too.”

Your body froze. Algor mortis is what they call it; the second stage of death where your internal body temperature starts dropping beneath the standard, which is 98.7°F. But you weren’t dead, no not even close, you were very much alive and your painfully loud heartbeats contested to that.

You’ve never been so incredibly alert, you could feel your blood rushing all throughout your body, how uneven your breathing was so you started manually inhaling to fix it, and at some point you’d stopped blinking? Your body was on autopilot but it was so .. not, all at once.

That was when you said the thing you knew you’d regret. Those 3 damned words that had you entangled in your thoughts for so long, you failed to notice who was right in front of you. Your eyes didn’t move, observing the floor with an awful intensity.

“I love you.”

Shock? Fear? Happiness? Relief? Actually, whose emotions were you even trying to read? Either way, it was about as clear as heavy fog. Those emotions were only dogpiled onto when you felt a rough, but gentle hand cup your chin to make you look at him. Out of all the ways you’d envisioned your death, suspense was definitely not one of them.

Fortunately, his following sentence eased your nerves as fast as they’d been created.

“…Enough to let me steal your seat in the meeting room?”

[goodluckclove]

How Clove Gardener Writes (an Overview)

I definitely told myself when I started this blog a billion years ago, at the dawn of human civilization, that I wouldn't make any attempt to tell you how to write. You know - other than saying just do it do the thing write it close the blog open the document type type three sentences bam look you did it good job i love you now go get yourself a treat.

But I've spoken to a few writers who seem to benefit from the insight of me just explaining how I write. So I thought I'd give a little peek into my own mindset. I cannot stress enough that this is what works for me. It's a methodology that I've built up over the course of like fifteen years of trying different things, keeping what works, and throwing the rest right out the goddamned window.

If any of this seems new and appealing give it a try. If it doesn't help I'm wrong and bad as a person (no I'm kidding but seriously if it doesn't work that's fine and we're both fine). If it helps you owe me a picture of a frog drawn from memory.

Let's see how long I ramble. Follow me under the read more!

Okay, so let's get this out of the way. I've never taken a writing class. No, that's not true. I took one when I was thirteen and another one in high school and I don't remember anything either of them taught me. Oh and I took an online creative writing class in college, but I also didn't retain anything and the next year I dropped out of college. So I also don't have a degree in jack shit.

What else? I don't outline. I've written upwards of 15 novels (13-15, I honestly can't remember) and I did not outline any of them. This includes character sheets and worldbuilding lore. My first published novel Blind Trust was born from the concept of the Lover's Knot, which is just like some witchy magic lore. I thought it would be cool so I was like "who could maybe be some guys" and then I introduced some guys and then bam 180k later it was Scott and Edgar.

I do virtually no preparation to write a novel other than the vaguest premise and maybe like one cool scene. I did not have a cool scene for Blind Trust, but I do have one for Migration Patterns. What I don't have is an ending. I don't think I've ever written a novel knowing how it ends.

Literally here's what I do. This is all I do. I sit down and I write until I don't know what's going to happen next, at which point I step away and I listen to some music or I go to the museum or I take a nap until I decide how to continue. That's it.

For me it's going to the zoo every day and seeing the monkeys. And every day they're doing something different. Sometimes they're sleeping, or they're pawing at each other, or they're gathering sticks. I can call out to them and offer to show them a card trick or share my Bugles with them, and they might come up to the wall of the enclosure to see what I'm doing. Or they might not. I do not really have control of the situation, but it doesn't matter because they aren't fully aware of me.

At some point either I have to leave the zoo for some reason. Maybe I'm tired, or maybe the monkeys have been pulled in to be fed their lunch (it's bananas and peanuts). Either way I add that day's behavior to the pile and then come back tomorrow.

Once I find an ending I go back and I read through the book again and trim any fat that's in the wrong places while adding flesh to some naked bones. Then I wait a week or more (usually I can only wait a week) and go back and do it again. By that point it's ready to hopefully have someone read it, after which I make small edits and tweaks.

That's how I do it. Or at least, that's how I do it for longform prose projects that I plan to publish. I've written plenty of novels that just stayed first drafts because I didn't feel like revising them and then I moved on to the next one. I don't regret that. I don't consider it a waste of time.

I would never consider a trip to the zoo a waste of time.

Anyways, that's what works for me. I don't know if all of this will apply to other brains. I don't know if any of it will. I figure it might just be useful to get an in-depth look at what I personally vibe with.

I'm so down to talk writing at any time, by the way. I love to do it. Tell me why you aren't writing and I would be happy to listen and try to help. Or just brainstorm. Seriously, my DMs and inbox are perpetually open. Talking about writing is one of my favorite things to do.

Let's go look at some monkeys together.