#plus i had a social today so i was even anxious about that lmao

[rashfcrd]

i’ve been giving training for the past two days which definitely gave me an anxious edge at work so tomorrow will be nice bc i don’t have to give training until friday now

[blurglesmurfklaine]

top five newsies characters to write about and be insane about--GO

OKAY SO THIS IS ACTUALLY KIND OF HARD??? Because I feel like I’m still relatively new to the newsies fandom but everyone seems to have an Emotional Support Background Newsie and I don’t think I have one yet??? I still love all of them though SO HERE WE GO!

5) Les

Tbh I think it’s bc I work with kids, I actually find Les quite easy and fun to write? Plus I think of kids as unfinished humans, like. They’re brains aren’t even finished developing yet??? So it’s fun to explore the relationships he has with older kids/adults

4) Race

Honestly I think my perception of Race has forever been shaped by the Near Miss timeline but I just feel it so hard!!! He’s so fun to write! He’s my little energized bunny that I like to add in whenever I think things are getting too grim lmao

3) Katherine

HONESTLY??? I don’t write her as much as I want to because I can NOT get her right, and I know I can’t really do her Justice. She’s simply so much smarter than I am and that’s HARD to write okay??? But god I love her so fucking much.

2) Jack Kelly

I know there are a million versions of him out there in fic, and I’m not saying anyone else’s versions are invalid, but I’ve got a soft spot for Mexican!Jack (no I’m not projecting) and also. Characters who have abandonment issues? Fuck me right up fam. I also love writing/exploring men who’s love language is Acts of Service—I feel like the way Jack shows he cares is by taking care, if that makes sense?? Tbh I just watched pride and prejudice for the first time today and that is very Mr. Darcy of him so slay

1) Davey Jacobs

Good god I’m obsessed with him. Had a ft conversation with my bestie and she was like “I’m just a Jack girlie” and I was like “respect but I am SUCH a Davey girlie” he’s socially anxious, he’s charming, he’s intelligent, he’s a dumbass, he’s burdened with his family, if anyone tries to even LOOK at his family he will annihilate them, he can’t stand Jack Kelly, he can’t stand how much he loves Jack Kelly, he looks out for himself, he’s undyingly loyal…. HIM 💞

THANKS FOR THIS ASK!!

[1d-discourseoftheday]

💙 Tues 5 Jan ‘21 💚

Is today's biggest story really a pair of socks I mean WHY NOT am I right, that may as well happen! With impeccable timing, as the fandom and the world went bananas about Ho-livia WildStyle (a drag queen name for the ages right there), the first of the limited edition TPWK socks that people ordered basically on blind faith (you fully couldn't tell what they were going to look like at all on the website, and now we know why lmao) have arrived with a bang: they seemed to come with either blue or pink hearts, but in fact it turns out you get one of two color combos, either pink and white or, uh: BLUE AND GREEN HEARTS. I'm not one to carry on about like jeans and a green shirt or what have you but this is a CHOICE, and if the antis don't have performative burnings of their evil larrie merch honestly WHAT is the POINT; the resale market of the limited edition socks is already booming though so there's always that option, if either side can bear to conduct business across the divide. My question is, did they really time it to play out this precisely on purpose? Unlikely tbh, but if that's a thing they're capable of I have some THOUGHTS about the way other Harry merch takes like 4 months to arrive...

Larrie socks aside however, the real discourse continues to be about you-know-what, with the players out there fanning the flames wildly. There's too much nonsense to bother with it all (the quoted sources in the articles directly contradicting each other's stories also makes it difficult) so let's just... *spins wheel*....okay I landed on 'tabloids say Harry's wedding speech talked about his girlfriend Olivia' here goes. Sjksdfjks WHY would you be talking about your girlfriend of three weeks in a speech for your close friends' wedding, OMG, how uncomfortable and inappropriate is that?? Imagine if any of this were real, that Harry ('I'd take my time and make sure a thing was serious before telling people about it', end quote, I mean that's ALSO a stunt quote (oh the layers) but just pointing out that it's contradictory) starts dating his co-worker who just got out of a huge relationship and is also a famous person with presumably an interest in privacy, and immediately the two of you get to work setting up a big reveal to happen right away (even in a weird fantasy world where any of this is real the possibility that JEFF AZOFF'S WEDDING had the paps present for any other reason than to do EXACTLY what they were told is flat impossible- what pap or celeb outlet can afford to be on Jeff's bad list?!) and then he casually writes her into his speech (a guy who's so anxious and shy about public speaking and what to say that he begs people to write speeches for him and practices endlessly) uh huh, sure Jan. There are so many things about this that are ludicrous, but more to the point, none of the things they're saying hold up to scrutiny any better than this. There just isn't any point in taking them that seriously though; Harry is a closeted artist and, just like the many queer artists that came before him who he repeatedly reminds us are his icons, he both lets us know all day every day in a million ways that he's queer, and also plays the industry game and winkingly gives the press their Straight Guy Harry fodder. You don't have to like it, or indeed anything at all in this world, but people do need to accept that whether they like it or not is neither the point nor anyone (including Harry)'s responsibility to respond to or do anything about.

Like I said I can't cover every detail but! I always have a little space for the absurd: today, our best entrant is the possibility that the whole wedding we saw was a sham– fans ask, was this public spectacle Jeff and Glenne's actual wedding? Listen if anyone would be up for it it would be this crew, and if they did stage it I'm sure they had a good laugh! Suspicion has been cast on Glenne's dress (allegedly an untailored 2018 off the rack number), the small guest list (wouldn't they just wait and have a huge event?), and the fact that they invited paps there at all. It would make the no explanation robe pics EVEN FUNNIER though if you imagine that was for our benefit but left totally unadressed (undressed). ANYWAY Don't Worry Darling filming is back in business and Harry was papped some more today, out for a casual not at all pap walk hike with a work associate and multiple items of his own merch (including an unreleased hoodie design.) On the topic of DWD, sometimes a different perspective can be interesting-- for example considering whether Harry is the point of all this at all? Or is he but a bit player in the real DWD publicity drama, an elaborate and very public dramatic reconciliation between Olivia and her ex husband? Either way, he's neither a clueless dupe, a helpless pawn, or anyone's 'boy toy', so please: can we rein in the hand wringing and pointless Olivia bashing a bit?

Let's talk about something else shall we? For example! Liam's setlist, just released for the upcoming LP Show Act 4. Look at that song selection! Fireproof! Strong!! Through The Dark!! More exciting 1D faves! Plus Slow and Home With You off his EP, NICE, singles and more, it looks awesome. The Hugo Man fragrance relaunch is less exciting, featuring the dopiest possible articles full of chat about his skin care routine (oh shucks I'm just  manly man, I don't have one at all... *names two products and refers to 'multiple moisturizers'*), trademark accidental candor (“I’m quite tired!”), and of course trying to describe a fragrance, always an entertaining gymnastics (“every time I spray it, it kind of takes me back to being on that rooftop in Berlin”), but also there are manly new pics of Lia.

A new song Niall co-wrote is coming out! The JC Stewart song, Break My Heart, will be out this Fri! Charlie Lightening posted pics from a year ago on the Walls music video set, featuring an intent Louis in the sun (and fashion voter underrated excellent Looks), and Louis commented on Dave Allen's post (“top man!”)-- the famous boxer is offering to help friends through lockdown by facetiming 3or 4 people a day for home workouts, damn, and also aww. That shitty Doncaster secondary school turned out some really sweet dudes, against all odds tbh. With Los Angeles experiencing some of the worst COVID surges we've seen since the beginning of the pandemic, Grammys organizers have elected to postpone the (already limited) ceremony. Originally scheduled for Jan 31 it is now TBA, tentatively for March. Harry's stalker, who menaced him in and near his London home in 2019, is being charged with violating his restraining order by attempting to contact Harry via social media, Global Fund for Women thanked Harry for donating, and HLDaily and other accounts were suspended for posting pap pics, always a risk, but one trick potato Jeff is on the job; HSD is back up and running, cause they can't have a proper stunt season without their most faithful mouthpieces. Niall continues to vote for himself on twitter threads about what to listen to in the New Year.

[ilegnangeli]

Random June Thought #1

I think I may have to be the most sentimental person I know. Or maybe not sentimental but mental. Just kidding. So I’ve shared that whenever I go back home, I get pretty sentimental. And it’s really true.

Maybe because I get to see my parents. My aging parents. And I get reminded of how fast and finite life is.

I have so many things planned for them but I feel like I’m running out of time. Whenever people ask me what I want to have in the future, I don’t answer them with having a family of my own but instead I want to see my family members safe and healthy. I want to spend a longer time with them. Never mind getting married or having a family of my own. Just seeing my family members’ good health and seeing them living a good life will be more than enough for me.

The thing is I almost always get to do heart to heart talks with my family when I meet with them. I get to speak with my father and his plans for the future. I get to chat with my mother about where she wants to go and what she wants to do. I get pretty sentimental because I love these people. I love my parents so much. And I want to honor them as much as I can, spoil them as much as I can. But I’m so short on time. I only get to visit them once a month and it pains me that I need to say goodbye ever so often.

I’m not a kid anymore but I still am a kid in my parents’ eyes. I love that my parents are so loving and unconditional when it comes to providing love, care, and attention to us—their children and of course, grandchildren. I love that I grew up with the parents I have now. I’m grateful that I get to experience life with them as my parents. I love that I have a generous father and a loving mother. Their combination is perfect. So thank You, God. Thank you for giving me these parents. I am eternally grateful.

Today’s Father’s Day. It's funny because since the ‘rents, me, and my younger sister are vaccinated, we get to celebrate together. With my aunt and cousins, too. And little Batuti who had to come along because there will be no one to look after him in our condo. Lmao

Anyway, today was a really good day. An emotional one, too. On the way home, as my cousin drove us back to the Metro, my aunt and I had this conversation about the future. She asked me about my plans. She asked me about my plans for the house where my parents are living. She asked me about the future—my future. I told her I don’t think about getting married. Because I feel like in the short span of time remaining with my parents, I just want to spoil them. I want to give them the life they deserve. I just want to provide for them. Because no one else will do that for them. All my older siblings are married, busy with their lives, and busy their own families.

Plus, I’m afraid of becoming a parent myself. I don’t know if I could be as loving or as caring as Mama Duay. I don’t know of I could ever be as hardworking and generous as Papa Henry. I don’t know if I can call myself a mother, a parent in the future. I’m not sure if I want my future children to grow up in this specific environment. I don’t know how I will be able to raise strong, independent, and caring children. I’m so afraid for them to experience pain and suffering here. I’m not sure if I could take it—just watching them grow up while struggling. I don’t know. I don’t want them to feel the same things I’ve felt—I'm feeling—here. I’m not sure they deserve this kind of life. It’s so hard to live here. My God, just thinking about this makes me tear up.

Life is hard. And I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to raise children because I expect them to give something in return for the life I’ve provided for them. I don’t want that.

But then I think about my parents. What they want for me. I feel like sometimes, when I talk about my crush during meals, my dad gets pretty silent and a little jealous because I seriously sound like I want to settle down. Lmao I feel like my mom always says that my crush is gay because she feels that—at the same time—she doesn’t want to give me away. (Dear crush, if you only knew how much I have thought about our future together lol. Thank God, you’ll never know though.)

What’s funny is that sometimes I feel like my parents WANT me to settle down with someone. So that they could be at peace. Damn, this is going to make me cry so hard. I don’t want to cry, I’ve been crying over the weekend. My heart can’t take it anymore lmao. If the world gave me money for every tear I dropped or every ounce of tear that came down my face, I’d be swimming in a pool of money. Dammit. But life, life is much harder. And I can only write about life because that’s how I roll. So in case you’re reading this in the future, SELF. I hope you’re in a much better place. I’m praying for the future of us. This is me from the past saying hello.

On our drive home, I spoke with my aunt about how I was planning to travel with my parents before the pandemic. I wanted to bring my parents abroad. I wanted to bring them to the places I’ve been and experience those places with them. I still want that. I will do that. Please COVID-19, go away.

I also told my aunt that I wanted to bring my dad back to Ilocos. He loves that place. My parents are both from Visayas. Papa is Waray, Mama is Bisaya. How they ended up together? That’s a story for another time. But my dad was stationed in Ilocos for some time, way before I came into their life, and they lived there for some time with two of my ugly ass brothers. Sorry I always call my siblings ugly asses—it’s my endearment. While my elder sister and eldest brother were in Samar. Parents married early, both were 18 at the time of marriage. But despite that they were able to raise their children. I feel like writing about their life—maybe one day I could write about our lives. Soon? Lol anywho, Papa loves Ilocos and I want to bring him back there. With the fam. If God will give me enough time with my parents, I hope to be able to bring them abroad, too. At least once.

I wish I could win the lottery. So that I could do all these things faster. Buy that house I’ve always wanted to have in Presello lmao. Give the life I want to give to my parents and my younger sister. Spoil my nephews and niece to oblivion. And prolly purchase a guy who would love to settle with me. I’m just kidding. I always joke about becoming rich and just buying men. But that also scares the shit outta me. Imagine, what if he’s a serial killer? And he only marries me because he wants my money? Hmm, those are some thoughts to ponder. So much for watching true crime shit on YouTube.

So I’m going back to my original plans. Get those education units. Get that teaching license. If God permits me, get that graduate degree. Leave the country. Never look back. LMAAAAOOOO, girl. Hopefully these aren’t wishful thinking. Because istg, I want a better life for my family. If it means I’ll never get married, then so be it. HAHAHAHA.

Anyway, happy father’s day to all you dads out there. I hope you had a great celebration with your families. I had a great one today. And I loved every moment of it. I wish I could celebrate more with my family. I miss us eating out together. We’re big bunch, you see. And I get a little bit too sentimental when I get reminded of the past because right now, in this pandemic, we can’t do that. But thank God for technology, right? We get to video chat our loved ones and celebrate with them even when they’re far away. But then again, these social media networking sites aren’t meant to substitute for real-time, face to face conversations. They’re just here for interim purposes (this line reminds me of my journalism paper back in uni yo!).

I have so many things I want to share, so many things have happened today. Actually over the weekend and I want to write about it. But let’s just leave this post here. Let’s park this topic. Oh man, my brain wants to write more but I don’t want to end this on a sad note.

Mondays are the worst. I want to face tomorrow with a smile. I want to work harder, become better, and then leave with a light heart. My God, I pray for this anxious heart of mine to please calm tf down. Hahaha.

Cheer up, self. Things will get better.

P.S. I am addicted to TWICE's Alcohol Free. This song is my last song syndrome.

[eatyourfruitkids]

and i thought, oh shit, what about my hot female body?

my female ego was toxic. it wasn’t her fault, she thought her presence in my brain was necessary. my family never quit gave off the vibes that the one daughter, the one sister, was ever allowed to deviate from such a norm. though i love and loved him dearly, my twin brother’s role in my view of gender was one of contrast. from the youngest age, as in, when we were born, connor got the blue teddy bear, s***** got the pink one. later, when our mom dressed us, connor wore the hats and s***** wore the bows. connor got the bionacles for christmas, s***** got the zuzu pets. that was just the way it worked. i was a girl and he was a boy, after all.

it’s not like i ever really minded. i’ve always loved animals, hoarding their stuffed counterparts felt natural. my brother and i would play together, littlest petshop pets living in lego spaceships. our genders were defined, but we never let that separate us. i never let that grave burden, being a girl, bar me from playing with power rangers, even if i was immediately cast as the pink one.

in middleschool, something changed. i became hyperaware of my gender, though i never once questioned it. while i had always been a girl by default, now i was beginning to feel the social anxieties of a young, adolescent Girl. i stuggled greatly for an identity, finding one for a short while in anime fandoms and watching gaming letsplays (i never played; girls were bad at video games, as according to my three brothers. i just had shitty hand eye coordination, fuck me) and later in an obsession with emo bands and new cartoon network cartoons and being pansexual or a lesbian. my fashion sense was terrible until i saw cute girls on instagram wearing “aesthetic-y” clothes in seventh grade and decided to emulate them. this was just one of many instances of me confusing my attraction towards females as desire to be like them.

with today’s insight, i can say with confidence that i would far rather put my head in a nice pair of tiddies than own that nice pair of tiddies.

i came to realize that my female ego was a problem close to the time where i realized that smoking weed was the best shit ever. here, i’ll take a break to rip bong and reminisce on this night, the night of the smoke off. im kinda high rn lol but its okay i turned adult recently lol. anyways *bong rip*

ok anyways sry

i didnt realize being a girl was a problem for me when i first started smoking weed. in hindsight, i now know that smoking everyday longterm while mistakenly identifying as female highlighted some less-than-savory areas of my psyche. 

my dysphoria makes me think that people are simping for me, sometimes when they’re not. although i am a sad, emo, five-foot-seven twitter meme cat boy of a trans “man,” i’m a cute nerdy stoner girl with winged eyeliner n a sexy female body, relatable-if-severe social anxiety and a porn addiction i’m, unfortuately, not always too shy to talk about.

long story short, something i now know to be dysphoria pushed me to start Smoking Weed With The Boys frequently, and something called dysphoria-plus-my-female-ego created this weird, unhealthy narrative that my friends only all liked me bc i was Hot Sessy Girl and they were only friends with me to hold out past my sweet, sunshiney (beta?) bf. this narrative fucked with me (probably because it wasnt true and created by the same part of my anxious brain that would repress my fucking transness, also because i love and care for my bf and felt terrible “letting this continue”) and yet, i continued hanging out with The Boys (besides when sometimes id flake on everyone for periods of time bc i felt Too Bad for bf lol) not even for attention-- although sometimes id get it, word-- even if it was magnified through the lens of my dysphoria, but because i had this deep urge to fit in with them. 

besides having a legit problem with the way i use weed and being high literally all the time, i wasn’t a huge “stoner” by my town’s standards. 

so, without getting into the elaborate details of my life and my twin’s cool fucking weed basement and my real life picture of marilyn monroe’s tiddies, The Boys had a smoke of at my house. i realized i wasn’t that much of a stoner when i got too high (something that deadass never fucking happens) and violently shook for like thirty minutes until my friends sent me upstairs for ice, i put on a hoodie, looked in the mirror and realized id prefer life as a boy.

it could’ve been because my toxic, ill-built stoner female woker-than-u ego had finally been popped, kinda like a bubble, or it could be because i was wearing a crop top and had gone silent because i was fixated on how i wished boys wore crop tops, and the hoodie had alliviated that. 

now i only think one friend simps for me, but hes such a nice dude that i could never say anything, fuck. hes such a homie tho if i were ever single id take his v card as a favor lmao

i figured out what i wanted to be called that night, 

stu. idk if its short for stuart, which is gross but fuck it, or if i want to be a stew/art or what the fuck but. stu.

a few friends and no family know. i chopped my hair off and a binder is on route. im lifting weights w one of the boys.

happy adulthood to me

[theasstour]

Notes on Love.

the one where you’re harry’s plus one to the met gala 2019.

@always-jackedup and i were both super soft and horny as hell monday and this is the result, enjoy lmao x

WORD COUNT: 14.4k | NB: alcohol, explicit language, sexual content SARAH’S MASTERLIST | NORA’S MASTERLIST

“Was afraid it wouldn’t fit.” You said, looking at yourself in the floor-length mirror before you, Lambert fidgeting with the hem of your trousers.

“Why?”

“Don’t know. Thought I might’ve put on a few.” Lambert chuckled at you, rising from his hunched position and taking a step back, studying your styled person. Turning sideways, you studied yourself in the mirror, running a hand over your front and cocking your head a little, undeniably satisfied with the outcome of your Met Gala look. You and Harry had planned this look for months. Well, it was mostly Harry’s doing, as not only was fashion one of his few passions, but he was incredibly good at it as well. Him along with a team of people he trusted, had constructed and designed his perfect Camp look. A look you were also wearing in honour of Harry hosting the Gala itself.

Where Harry’s boots, high-waisted trousers, sheer lace shirt, and pussy-bow were black, yours were white. The Yin to the Yang, Alessandro had called the project, a name everyone had liked and thought fitting. Yin stood for negative, dark, and the feminine; Harry. Yang was positive, bright, and the masculine; you. Camp was all about being daring, about having fun and finding a piece of yourself and the world in fashion. It was loving the unnatural and being unafraid to be exaggeratedly oneself, without fear of judgement or societal standards. You and Harry both wanted to break down the gender norms; wanted to prove femininity and masculinity is rooted in the social (one’s gender) rather than the biological (one’s sex). The reason for Yin and Yang had simply been because that was what you and Harry were; you completed one another fully. Like each held equal amounts of different pieces to a big puzzle and together, you made a great and absolute picture.

Your nails were painted white and turquoise, matching Harry and Alessandro, and fingers jewelled with various sized rings that complimented the outfit perfectly. You turned to face the mirror, now fully seeing how alike you and Harry would look standing next to one another. Cocking your head to the side again, you studied how well your nipples showed through the sheer white shirt, the lace of the pussy bow only barely covering them. You had been nervous about not covering them up, knowing you would be the talk of the town showing up to a red carpet with both your tits on display for everyone to see and enjoy. But the whole team had been so incredibly supportive that you had decided you wanted to regardless. Lambert had suggested pasties when the nerves had been at their worst, telling you there was no shame in not wanting your nipples out there. But if you covered them up, if you ruined the synched outfits of yours and Harry’s, then the whole point of you even dressing alike him would be thrown right out the window. It was this fact – making yourself, Harry, and a lot of other people, proud -, that made you stick to the decision of freeing them.

Besides being anxious about the whole nipple situation, you weren’t a huge fan of crowds either. After four years with Harry you had learned not be terrified of them as they usually followed you in some way or another, but that didn’t mean they didn’t make you uncomfortable at times. Though you weren’t going to pose for the cameras on the red carpet with Harry, seeing as you weren’t a big celebrity, you two would nonetheless make headlines when you walked past everyone to enter the Met with Jeff, Glenne, Harry’s and Alessandro’s team, wearing Harry’s exact outfit only in heavenly white. Trying to ease your mind, you told yourself that it would be over in just a matter of seconds. You’d walk the stairs, enter the Met, and be out of view of the media.

“Marvellous.” Said Lambert, clapping his hands together as he looked at you in the mirror as well, taking in his creation. “Absolutely stunning.”

“Think so?”

“I’d never lie before the Met Gala.”

You laughed, feeling yourself relax a little at Lambert’s joke. He placed both hands on either of your shoulders before saying, “Ready?” And suddenly, months of nervously biting your nails, planning, and waiting, all came down to this. Your heart suddenly picked up speed.

Harry and Alessandro had been friends for some years now and co-hosting the Met Gala under the theme of a sense of style they were both passionate about – Camp: Notes on Fashion -, they had grown closer. And anyone Harry considered a great friend, immediately became a great friend of yours as well. Especially after so long together, it was as if all of your friends were his and the other way around. Sitting on the sofa chatting, they were both waiting for you to appear as you were the only one left. Both knew what you were wearing, though neither had seen you in it until today. Harry’s eyes kept drifting toward the double doors that led into the bedroom, incredibly impatient and yearning for you to be close to him. Especially today, when his nerves were a bit all over the place and he needed to row his boat to the shore of your island, the only presence that he could lean on for steadiness and calming down.

“Cocktails,” moaned Alessandro as he traced his fingers over his silver crown. “If I don’t drown in cocktails tonight then it was not worth it.”

“You mean you want to get drunk?”

“If there’s a time to get drunk it’s tonight, no?” Alessandro raised his eyebrows, crossing one leg over the other and raising his eyebrows at Harry who only smiled a little back. “You don’t?”

Harry chuckled, shaking his head slightly before resting his arm on the back of the sofa. “Thought it was a given. As two co-hosts it’s our job and right to get legless.”

Alessandro laughed just as the doors to the bedroom opened. You walked through, earning an exclamation of approval from the Italian as he hit his thigh, grinning at you. Doing a little twirl, you beamed at Alessandro who was laughing before glancing at Harry beside him. There was something about the way Harry studied you that made your cheeks heat up and a shy smile grace your mouth. With his lips slightly parted and eyes frenziedly, wildly, moving over your entire body, taking in every shape, angle, detail, and seam till he felt like he had seen nothing but you in this outfit his entire life. And it was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes upon. A grandiose piece of beauty that made Harry disagree with Mona Lisa being the main attraction in Louvre and the most well-known art in the world. Made him disagree with ever calling anything or anyone beautiful before today. Made him disagree with himself for ever having sought out the world he was living in when for so long, his world had and always would be, you.

His eyes fell to where your nipples showed through the sheer white shirt, the lace of the pussy bow decorating them elegantly, when Harry, personally, thought they looked rather magnificent on their own. They didn’t need any accessories. Didn’t need a Gucci Met Gala look to look good. But that didn’t mean Harry wasn’t enjoying the sight any less. It made him want to take the shirt right off her, draw his thumb over them till they grew hard at his touch, and then he’d kiss them and her till the world melted around them and they became the only two living things that was. He blinked a few times to prevent his stream of consciousness to go any further, letting his mind settle on the reality of what he was seeing. He stood from the sofa, not being able to take his eyes off her as his jaw moved, tongue trying to form words that wouldn’t appear in his brain because it was so full of you. Harry’s inability to talk made Alessandro laugh, Lambert raise his eyebrows, and you blush. He was about to walk toward you when the door into the hotel room opened, loud voices floating into the room and working as a shield between the two lovers who just wanted to be close to one another.

“That’s what I’ve been saying all along! It’s an incredibly complex idea, Camp is.” Ben Winston, who was excitedly chatting to James Corden, both their wives, Jeff and Glenne, was the first to reveal himself as he strolled through the door and into view. Harry’s eyes immediately averted from his girlfriend and to their guests, sighing audibly before he stood back to greet them. You glanced away from Harry as well, hugging the people that had just arrived and replying to the many compliments you received on your outfit. Glenne, whom you had grown incredibly close to over the years of being Harry’s girlfriend, linked her arms with yours as everyone started talking amongst themselves. Alessandro’s team entered the suite, ordering him to come so they could get to leaving. You knew this meant you would also be leaving soon, knew this meant you wouldn’t be safe within the calm confines of your hotel room for much longer. Just as everyone were about to leave, every single person walking toward the door, Harry walked up to you, grabbing your wrist.

Drawing you to him, he placed his lips hard against yours, as if you were two stars colliding and together creating an explosion of emotions, teeth, and smiles. Once you stepped back, you looked into his eyes, leaning a tad bit away from him so he wouldn’t be blurry.

“You look fucking sublime, dove.” Harry whispered, placing a hand at the back of your neck before he dragged you to him for a softer kiss this time around. He guided your lips to open up to him, dragging his tongue along your bottom lip before he let it enter your mouth. “Knocked all sense out of me when you stepped out in that.”

You giggled.

Dove. It was the pet name he had given you when you first started going out so many years ago. There hadn’t been a particular reason behind it, much like there wasn’t a particular reason behind calling anything anything, but to Harry, it had just come naturally to address you as such. He’d whisper it into your hair at night before falling asleep, write it against your palm when there were people around and he was bored, mumble it against your lips while you were making dinner together and he was trying to steal your attention away from the food you were making. The word would forever only be associated with Harry, whom only thought of you when he saw one now and you only thought of him when you heard anyone say it.

He leaned in again, kissing your nose, then your forehead. “You’re going to be amazing out there.”

“Where?”

“Know you don’t fancy walking the carpet with me,-“ she gave him a knowing glare. “I know, baby. I know you don’t fancy walking with me, but if you somehow decided that you’d want to, then you’d look amazing for it. You look brilliant regardless, but know that I’m very proud of you in this outfit,” he smiled, leaning into you till his lips hovered just beside your ear. “And a little turned on.”

“You two coming?!” Jeff shouted into the hotel room, clearly impatient and in the mood to finally leave for the Met Gala.

“Well,” Harry placed his forehead against yours, rubbing a thumb over your cheek before leaning back so he could look at you. “Are we?”

You smiled, feeling an immense appreciation for Harry who always wanted to take things at your tempo. Though he was an expert at pushing you out of your comfort zone – this outfit being one of them – he always made sure you weren’t feeling pressured or weird. He’d rather see the world burn before witnessing you hate what you were doing.

“Coming!”

Walking beside one another, they started making their way out of the hotel room and to the escorting cars waiting outside. You, Harry, Jeff, Glenne, Alessandro, and Alessandro’s assistant all sat in the same van, the latter talking excitedly amongst themselves and filling the drive with easy chatter. You and Harry, though, sat in silence. You slid his rings down his fingers, then back up again, down and up. But as the quiet became louder, you stopped, reaching for his pinkie. Both were nervous, the expectations for the night a little too much, and you just sat close to one another with your mouths shut, your eyes fixated on whatever was going on outside your window, and your pinkies locked. It was something the two of you had made a habit of doing when either of you were nervous, linking your pinkies. At first it had been something you’d done for fun, but after four years of Harry in the limelight, you going to dentist appointments, Harry receiving news about auditions, and you about job interviews, it had just become something you did to ease each other’s nerves. It was a small gesture saying “I’m here”, a small gesture wishing for the best, for luck.

Harry squeezed your pinkie, and when you leaned into him, you could feel him breathing a little quicker, heart beating a little harder. Gently, you squeezed his finger back. The thumb that was resting on his thigh, you rubbed back and forth to tell him that this was all okay, he would be okay. Whenever he was going to an event like this, his nerves got the better of him, and you always reminded him he’d be fine. It wouldn’t last too long, he’d be fine. Him not going to many red carpets anymore only meant those that he did go to, would mean more, or that was what Harry told himself anyway. Whenever his thoughts wandered in that direction, you’d link your pinkie with his and lay your hand flat against his thigh, just like you were doing now. In a wave, you would put a little pressure on each finger continuously, making Harry feel something other than the anxiety inside him and rather the squeeze of your hand against him. Reminding him that no matter what happened, he’d come back to you afterwards, and that meant it would all be worth it.

Sighing heavily, Harry felt his anxiety ebb as you laid your chin on his shoulder. He leaned against you, his temple against your forehead, and sighed again. It wasn’t that he was dreading the red carpet or meeting people, he was just scared of disappointing people. Scared of making his fans, team and the Met Gala regret ever having given him the opportunity. But as he felt your breath tickle the hairs of his neck, Harry realised once again that it would all be okay. As long as you were there waiting for him, always there by his side, then this would be okay. He wouldn’t ever disappoint you, and in the end, that was all that mattered.

“When we get back to the hotel later, you’ll have to give me a foot massage.”

Harry huffed, squeezing your pinkie a little. “Pardon?”

“My feet will be aching from walking around in heels for hours on end. We don’t even know how long we’re going to be staying at the Gucci after party, do we?” You sighed into him. “Just wanted to warn you. My feet will smell.”

“All the better, only means I’ll probably die from the odour before I even touch your feet.”

Harry laughed as you laid some extra pressure on his thigh, giggling at his crinkling eyes and wide-open mouth. You gave his cheek a peck, lingering there for a few seconds till you felt him press harder against you, liking the feel of your kiss. Pulling away, you rubbed your nose against him, letting him know once again that you were still here, you weren’t going anywhere. Harry had been all over the world performing, had gotten countless compliments on his music, sense of style, and everything else there was to praise, but nothing would ever feel better than your unwavering support. Especially when it was expressed by another kiss to his cheek, right above his mole. He felt himself smile, liquifying at the sensation of feeling your affection toward him both physically and emotionally at the same time. You two stayed silent until the van stopped, and the door opened. Exchanging a look, you gave Harry a little nod, indicating that you’d be right behind him. He nodded back, letting you know he wouldn’t leave you alone till he absolutely had to. And then, your eyes drifted away from one another, and you stepped outside along with the rest.

It was an immediate and visceral reaction the second you stepped out of the car and onto the New York City sidewalk, slinking into Harry’s side and tightening the grip you had on his hand. The contrasting warm sun and light breeze beating down reminded you of all the picturesque days yourself and Harry had spent strolling through the park, bundled up with thin sweaters and warm drinks. But the ear-piercing cheers that came as soon as your black town car’s doors had opened quickly made you forget all about your leisurely days, for this day was exactly the opposite. This day was filled with glitz, glamour, and theatricality.

Everything logistical about the event had been discussed all morning; from how Harry and Alessandro would be walking the carpet first, the rest of the team lingering behind, to reiterating Met carpet etiquette, and even the precautionary emergency evacuation plan. But no one warned you just how boisterous this crowd was going to be. Excited screams of fans waiting on the opposite side of the street, to get that perfect shot of each attendee, blocked out any other noise the bustling city had to offer. Your hopes of escaping the noise quickly fleeted as you joined the team in making your way into the car line tent, watching as Serena Williams seemed to float up the carpet, only to hear the loud demands of the press take the spot of screaming fans.

Being with Harry had trained you for all of this, but that didn’t mean you ever got used to the sheer extravagance of it all. Being at an event of this magnitude was a feat in it of itself, seeing as it took some celebrities years to even be considered for an invite, yet here you were, about to waltz up the iconic stairs like it was nothing. And it put the ball of nerves that lived in you for months, back in the pit of your stomach.

“You alright, dove?” Harry’s low voice asked in your ear, turning your attention away from the impending publicity.

“Hmm? Yeah, of course. Why?”

“Because you’ve taken all the rings off my hand and put them back on again eight times since getting in the car.” He smirked, voice holding no malice, just pointing out that he had taken note of your nervous habit and simply accepting it.

After being together for so many years, there was nothing about one another that wasn’t fully accepted. Whether it be nervous habits, taking a wee with the door open, believing in crazy conspiracy theories, or even fashion choices, the two of you backed up each other’s decisions 100%. Which is what led you to be standing on the Met Gala carpet, nipples fully on display.

“’M a little anxious, I guess. Not every day I flash the world my nipples.” In your heart of hearts, you knew it wasn’t a huge deal. Women did it all the time on the runway and if men were allowed, why shouldn’t you be? So, you played your comment off as a joke, trying to calm yourself down. But Harry saw right through it, as always, and shot back with one of his witty one liners.

“No, it’s not. But about time the world sees what I get to enjoy every night, no?”

Your left arm reached across your body and your hand made quick contact with where the firmness of his sternum would be, but the black pussy bow - identical to your own - hanging from around his neck cushioned the blow. Before you could remove your hand from his chest, he swiftly caught it and brought it up to his lips, peppering delicate kisses to the skin peeking out from under the white lace cuffs.

“You don’t have to walk, you know that.” Harry mumbled against your hand, leaving another kiss to it.

“I know. Get nervous just thinking about it.” You confessed, feeling your palms go sweaty. “But this is momentous. You’ve waited for this for months… years.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to walk with me. You should be comfortable.”

“I know, I know.” You looked away from him and out at the carpet. “Feel a little sick.”

“Dove,” Harry’s voice was soft, like leaving a feather-like kiss against your nose. You looked back at him. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Would you rather head inside with Lambert and just meet us in there? Skip the carpet? I won’t be upset.” He asked, not breaking your eye contact.

“No, no! This is huge for you! Of course I want to be out here with you.” There was nothing that would make you so uncomfortable or unhappy that you would miss one of the most important days in your other half’s life. This is something you would be talking, and praising him, about for years to come. This might not be your ideal Monday, might not be something your anxiety wanted you to do, but you would do it for Harry. And also, to prove to yourself that you could.

“If you’re sure.” He whispered, giving your hand one last kiss as you nodded before turning back to face the mouth of the tent.

“Harry and Alessandro if you’re all set, we’re ready for you.” A young blonde, dressed in all black, a earpiece hanging around her neck and a clipboard in hand, walked up to your group.

Harry stepped forward, your hands falling from the other’s grasp as he got ready to make his debut. He turned to fully face you, placing an arm around your waist and pulling you in for a quick peck while you both were still in the privacy of the car line tent. Your hands pinched his waist, not wanting to be overly affectionate, but still yearning to feel him under your hands before he disappeared for an unknown amount of time.

“Good luck, dove. I love you.”

You hushed against his lips, milking every last second with him.

He sent you a wink as he stepped away from you to stand with Alessandro, looking towards Jeff. “No press, right?” He asked, not taking his eyes off of Laverne Cox as she mesmerized the media while she gracefully made her way up the pink steps.

“No press.” Jeff confirmed to a nodding Harry, “Just the mandatory Vogue interview before you go inside. Top of the stairs.”

No number of formal events or years spent with your boyfriend could ever do justice to watching the switch that turned on in Harry the moment he stepped foot in front of the cameras on a red carpet. It was identical to the one that went off whenever he was on stage and it never failed to keep your eyes locked on his frame. The way he confidently, elegantly, and with a hint of cockiness, sauntered around the pink carpet, seeming to be doing an unrehearsed dance with Alessandro and subtly posing, was enough to have the media in a frenzy.

A look of complete wonder must have been etched onto your face, because Glenne’s arm wound around yours, pulling you into her side, while Jeff was speaking with a few Met employees. “He’s such a pro at this.”

Meeting Harry four years ago and watching as he struggled with his solo identity just as One Direction was going on hiatus was one of the hardest things you ever had to do. He so desperately wanted to be seen for his own achievements, his own personality, his own choices, but time after time, everyone portrayed him as something he wasn’t or didn’t want to be. But now, watching as he showed the world the confident man you got to see every day in the privacy was a feeling like no other. Here was a man who had once cared so much about what others thought of him and tried to appease everyone, now finally putting himself first and making sure his own heart was happy. The beauty of it made it impossible to keep your small tears at bay.

“Yeah.” The faint agreement left your parted lips before you could even really register what Glenne had said, the sight of Harry going into carpet mode was enough to turn your mind to mush.

The sudden sound of Harry’s name being repeatedly called from all directions reminded you that of a movie, when the sound suddenly turns from muffled background noise to front and center. Like you were coming up for air after being underwater and it made you refocus on the event taking place around you. Harry and Alessandro were stationed at the bottom of the iconic stair, next to one another, and doing as little as possible in the way of posing for the media, yet putting even the most sought-after models to shame. Seeing as you’d known Alessandro for quite a few years at this point, you had the chance to see him garbed in some of the most eccentric patterns and fabrics. But observing him as he mesmerized the media, long hair cascading down his back and the stunning pink Lamé fabric, that you were very familiar with at this point, seemed to glow in the rare streams of sunlight that peaked through the side of the tent, reminded you that he was no ordinary being. That sure, he could be the guy who invited you over to enjoy a bottle of wine while Harry was away, or the guy who gave you Italian lessons while you were both clad in pajamas in the comfort of your living room, but to the world, he was someone extraordinary. That he and Harry were cut from the same cloth, which was one that demanded attention and radiated enchantment. And you were lucky enough to see both sides to both men.

One of the greatest things about attending events like this, was that neither you nor Harry ever had to worry about getting documentation, seeing as there were always hundreds of videos and photos being taken at any given moment. And although you were appreciative to have those professional shots, it was even more important to the both of you to have your own special, personal photos. So, you hastily pulled your phone from the white Gucci clutch tucked under your arm, so that those precious moments you knew you’d want to look back on, from your own perspective, could be snapped. It was a well-known rule that Mrs. Anna Wintour specifically stated there would be no photography inside the event, but you knew from the second Harry had informed you that this would all be happening, that you would be breaking that rule in no time. There was no way anyone could expect you not to document a career altering evening.

Just as you were slipping the device back into your back, Jeff landed a swift elbow to your own arm, causing you to look up in agitation. He offered no reply, just a simply head nod toward the carpet, where Alessandro and Harry had separated in seconds, each standing with their backs to the other and letting onlookers take them in individually. But it wasn’t because they were separated that Jeff had given you the small nudge, it was because Harry, without giving it much thought, had moved so that he was looking directly at you, arm outstretched, palm up, and waiting to bask in the warmth that yours provided.

He knew it was a risky move, considering you only just adjusted to the idea of walking the carpet with him hours prior, but one he desperately wanted to work. The idea dance in his mind all week leading up to the Gala; seeing photos of you by his side all over the internet and watching as not only the fans, but media outlets and the entire industry buzzed over how out of this world the two of you as a pair is. He was a bit biased, he would admit, but Harry was confident in saying you were the most breathtaking creature to ever stand before him. The subtle contrast of the pink carpet against your all white outfit, small black pearl earring hanging from your ear, and seeing your bare chest daintily covered in sheer lace, made his knees weak. But what really did him in, sealed the deal that his heart would never beat for anyone else, was that despite the look of bewilderment on your face at his waiting hand, your eyes held nothing but love, pride, and excitement.

“I love you.”

It was a common occurrence, catching the other’s eye from across a room and mouthing the phrase you’d never grow old of, but this time, it didn’t make your heart flutter. It did the exact opposite. It made the warmth crawling up your ears and nervousness that everyone would be staring at you, completely disappear. It was like Harry mouthing those three words to you had formed a bubble around you, and there were no longer prying eyes or flashing lights. Just you and the man you loved, dressed to the nines and taking on the world. So, it was a no brainer when you stepped forward, not taking your eyes off of the love of your life as you placed your phone and clutch into Glenne’s awaiting hands.

Harry’s face lit up enough to rival the uproar of flashes that ensued as soon as he watched you walk out of the confines of the sidelines. His smile widened at how at home you looked as you reached him, lifting your own hand to slide onto his. Just as his expected, a feeling of warmth showered over him at your touch and finally being able to pull you close again.

“Sorry for my clammy hands.” You muttered as soon as you were in ear shot, not wanting to yell such an unpleasant description in front of so many important people. He tugged your hand gently, pulling you closer so that you could situate yourselves next to each other. His hand found his way around your waist as yours did the same, sliding together like a perfectly made puzzle.

“’S a good thing I like seafood, no?” The joke slipped from his mouth so effortlessly, and you knew it was to help clear your mind of what was going on around you, and you adored that of him. It did just the job because you couldn’t help the loud laugh that escaped you, head thrown back in what you could only assume was an extremely unflattering angle.

But Harry couldn’t take his eyes off of you, fondly looking at how your neck curved and stretched the beautiful skin he loved to mark, causing his fingers twitch in memory from when they were wrapped around your throat the previous night. If he wasn’t careful, the whole world would see exactly what you did to him, and that was one thing he intended on keeping very private, so he regrettably forced his eyes away from your figure, looking back towards the still flashing cameras.

The adrenaline of stepping out on one of the most iconic carpets of all time was slowly beginning to fade away as more and more reporters yelled the both of your names, wanting you to turn every which way to get the best look at you and your outfits. You shouldn’t have been surprised when all of a sudden it seemed as if the entirety of the world was looking at you, yelling comments about how brave you were for showing your nipples, why you had made that decision, if Harry had pressured you, and the occasional compliment. But you were, and you just wanted to climb back under the security your hotel room duvet had brought you just hours prior.

Without having to say a word, Harry’s hand gradually slid down your back, dragging yours with it so that eventually you were just two people standing extremely close, no longer slotted together like puzzle pieces. And you took it as an indication that he was ready for you to walk back towards his team, waiting to move on up the Met steps with Alessandro, but the chunky lion ring, adorning Harry’s right pinky that made its way around yours, was enough to tell you otherwise. It was all you needed to bring your mind back down to Earth, to behind that perfect bubble, holding just the two of you. To anyone looking at you head on, nothing would seem out of the ordinary, but you knew you’d be waking up tomorrow to see the photos photographers behind you had taken, and you had to admit, you were extremely excited. The thought of seeing the vision Alessandro had described so many months ago come to life in the most perfect way; you and Harry sandwiched together, connected with the smallest touch of your pinkies intertwined, to create the perfect balance of dark and light.

Just as you were getting comfortable with the position you and Harry had found yourselves in, he used all his mite to pull you closer to him by your joined pinkies, forcing you to lean deeper into his side, one hand wrapping around his waist yet again and the other coming up to rest over the black pussy bow to stop you from wobbling. But unlike before, he wasn’t looking straight ahead, not offering any sort of acknowledgement to the press. His head was turned just enough that you were at the perfect height for him to place a lingering kiss to your temple. Without having to see him, you knew exactly what he looked like in that moment, it was one that you had not only seen a million times, but also felt. Eyes closed and face free of any worry lines as the feeling of home washed over you.

“I love you so fucking much.” He whispered into your ear, and you smiled, giving his chest a few pats as you moved away so you could face him. You both this was your time to rejoin his team, having had your time in the spotlight and ready to hide in the shadows. Although, now that they had gotten a glimpse of how angelic you looked, Harry doubted anyone would be looking away from her as she moved up the steps behind him.

“Love you too, bub.” If you simply being on the carpet next to Harry wasn’t enough to get the pair of you splattered across media outlets, then the quick peck and soothing rubbing motion along his lace covered back you provided definitely would.

And as you made your way back to Jeff and Glenne, it was as if the last few minutes had never happened. Alessandro and Harry had joined forced yet again and had finally begun making their way up the stairs, enjoying every moment of being the center of attention.

Harry had told you a little under a year ago that Anna Wintour had approached him about being a co-chair of the Met Gala. He had come home from a day full of meetings, his growing hair pushed out of his face by a pair of sunglasses, black trousers and a loose-fitting white top covered his body as he had entered the kitchen. He told you as if it was the most common thing in the world, leaning against the counter with an iced coffee in hand and mindlessly scrolling through his phone. A nonchalant, “’M gonna be a co-chair of the Met Gala next year.” made you stop typing on your computer and immediately turn to face him. It was once he heard the heaviness behind his words that he looked up to meet your gaze, finally breaking into loud laughter.

You had watched from the sidelines as he made mood boards for his outfits, figuring out what fabrics and patterns most intrigued him, heard all the plans for what changes were going to be made in the decorations for the night, and what kind of entertainment would be occurring as the night went on. But never in your wildest dreams did you think seeing it all come together would take your breath away. Long gone was the typical red carpet, in its place was a soft baby pink, reminding you of the color scheme to Harry’s first album, which was littered with lighter pink embroidered feathers. The press was crowded behind the well-known plant covered railings, except they had a bit of nostalgia for you and Harry. Pink roses, which were the same flowers Harry had given you on your first date, peaked out every which way, cascading the entirety of the bush and bringing the event even more to life, making his all black outfit look impeccable.

Harry was a lot of things, a confident Rockstar, incredible actor, breathtaking model,  tv show personality, and now you could conclusively add event planner to that list.

It was rare for Alessandro’s voice to ever break a tender octave. He always seemed to be having a good time and loving every second of life. So when your name fell from his lips with a loud shout, you were a bit muddled. What had you done that caused this sweet-tempered man to yell at you in front of so many people? Had you done something to Harry’s outfit on accident during your photos together? Spilled something on your own white ensemble? But your fears were quickly eradicated when you saw the large smiles on both doting men. Again, an arm was held out for you, indicating the want of your presence on the carpet, but this time, it wasn’t Harry’s arm. It was Alessandro’s.

The large puffs of fabric that was gathered around his wrist blew slightly in the small wind that made its way inside the tent, shining each time it hit the light at just right angle, and he yelled your name one more time, smiling like this was his first time seeing you after years apart. “Come dear, need to show off this masterpiece of a project properly!”

At your hesitation, Harry put a hand on the creative director’s back as he walked back down the steps to get you. If there was one thing about the night Harry didn’t want, it was you harboring any negative feelings. Whether it be about you feeling uncomfortable on the carpet, being around so many people you were unfamiliar with, or even the food being served, he wanted everything to be perfect for you. Because in his world, you were the only one he ever needed to please, in all sense of the term. You came first, and it would always be that way for Harry.

“M’lady.” He chuckled, bowing a bit at the waist, his waiting for yours yet again.

Making your way up the Met Gala staircase wasn’t something you ever thought you would get to do, yet alone enjoy. But here you were, standing in front of hundreds of people yet again, and having the time of your life. It made you feel like a modern-day princess. There was something about being on the pink carpet, dressed head to toe in some of the most beautiful fabrics you had ever seen, with two men who meant the world to you, that made you feel like you were cut out to do this every day. And all of a sudden, you understand what Harry meant whenever he said he got an adrenaline rush from press events.

“Mia luce.” Alessandro spoke the name he had given you the moment you agreed to wear the white outfit, pulling you in for a hug, “Look at you, how beautiful. Thank you.” He muttered, audibly getting choked up with how perfectly his project had come together.

It was yet another photo you knew the world would be talking about for quite some time; Alessandro, stood in the center of his yin and yang, marveling in the walking art piece he had created. A drop of pink between his yin and yang. Both you and Harry stood proud at his side, chests on full display and feeling like you were ready to take on the world. And you were, as long as he was always the yin to your yang.

Everything began happening a bit quicker after your photos as a group were finished, the Met team explaining that both co-chairs were needed to begin greeting the guests. It only took a few small steps to reach the top of the stairs, avoiding all the shouts of press asking for interviews despite Harry’s statement that he would be doing none. Harry and Alessandro walking together in front of you, but Harry’s hand still connected to yours, never letting go of your pinky as you walked behind him with the Azoff’s. That is until he reached the one and only interview that was mandatory of almost all attendees; Vogue. You had watched these videos in the comfort of your own bed, face covered in a sheet mask and a baggy jumper barely covering your bum. But now, you got to watch from the other side of the camera, seeing what you missed out on during all those YouTube videos.

Liza Koshy, a YouTube based superstar, was based on a pedestal – what with her being so short – and was dressed in an avant-garde pink and silver dress, looking as pretty as always. Harry was never a huge interview guy, preferring to let his actions do the talking, but he waltzed up the set of two stairs so that he could stand next to Liza with a smile so wide it was like it was his favorite thing in the world to do. Before she could get a word in, Harry sent you a wink and you stood to the side with Alessandro. You had made a move to go back to the sidelines with the rest of the teams, but the designer would not let your arm going, insisting that both his works of art needed to be at least present in the video.

“Welcome to your first Met. And you’re a co-chair!” Liza exclaimed, the pride in your chest swelled to an exorbitant level. You boyfriend, the love of your life, was out here making history with it being his first Met Gala and the youngest co-chair.

“I’m very proud of you, mia luce, for walking when you did not want to.” The two of you were standing off to the side while Harry defined his idea of camp.

“I couldn’t let the boys have all the fun. Besides, when else am I going to get away with showing the world my tits without any consequence?” you both laughed and he wrapped his arm around you, effectively giving you one of the tightest side hugs you had ever experienced. He was a beautiful man, one you would forever be grateful for consistently getting you out of your comfort zone and letting you try new things on his behalf. “Grazie per avermi permesso di essere la tua luce.” Thank you for letting me be your light.

“Nessuno brillerebbe come luminoso.” No one would shine as bright. Alessandro responded immediately, not paying attention to your conversation, which only caused your smile to grow. But his head snapped up so fast you were worried he may fall backwards, as it finally sunk in how the two of your were communicating. His eyes were wide and a grin was spread under his thick facial hair. “You have been learning!”

You never got the chance to respond, seeing as Liza asked who Harry’s style inspiration was and he proceeded to point at you and Alessandro. “These two.»

Of course, it was no secret that Harry had a very unique sense of style. It was one that had blossomed during his time in One Direction, but never had the time or ability to flourish under those condition. So, when he was solo and able to do as he wished, he held nothing back. But the two of you were his biggest inspiration. Maybe not in the typical sense of the word, but because neither were afraid to do what made them happy, even if that meant wearing leggings for a week straight or matching odd colors together. It made him want to be authentically himself, and never feel the need to apologize for anything he ever did, said, or wore. And that was because of the two people sharing a laugh to his right.

Both Liza turned to face you, calling your names so that you would join the pair in front of the camera. It was unknown to him that she would invite you both to join them, and if he had known, he wouldn’t have said your name because he knew you weren’t tagging along for these things. You were there to enjoy the night he was creating and make memories. But when he looked at you, there was no hesitation or hint of discomfort. Only love and excitement.

Liza greeted you, but not saying much as this night wasn’t about you, which you were beyond pleased with. But Alessandro had a kind greeting waiting for her. “It’s a pleasure, as always. And I’m coming with two friends, y’know? It’s always beautiful to go out to a party with friends.”

“You are so known for takin Gucci and making it into such whimsical and fantastical fashion. How would you define Camp tonight?” she asked and all eyes turned to Alessandro, knowing his response was going to be eloquent.

“Freedom.” You knew this was about your conversation the night before, one you had in the confines of your room as harry was having his last fitting. Alessandro had reminded you that no matter what anyone ever says about what you wear, the way you felt about an outfit came right down to your comfortableness. That you were free to do and wear whatever you please, as long as you felt confident. Including letting your nipples be seen by the world. And you gave his back a small squeeze at the thought. “Personality. And a little touch of craziness. A young couple must be a little bit crazy. I’m not anymore young, but I feel it.”

To the camera, it may have looked like you and Harry were watching fondly as Alessandro spoke, but instead, you were looking at each other, knowing he was speaking of you. That he wanted to do this project because of how much he loved you and Harry, and how badly he wanted you to show the world how perfect for one another you truly are. Simultaneously,  you both sent the other a wink, causing you both to break out in grins, trying desperately to make them not so noticeable for the camera.

“Oh, we got nails tonight?” She gaped, seeing how all of your nail varnish matched one another.

“We always have nails, a lot of the time, yeah. M’girlfriend does them for me sometimes.” He replied as they were ushered off to begin greeting incoming guests.

This was the time of the night that you were buzzing for. All the formalities long forgotten, as the need to keep a posh outer shell faded the second you got away from any prying eyes or photographers. Now was the time you got to let out the breath you had been holding and let loose, enjoying the night you boyfriend had worked so hard to perfect. But not without pulling a small surprise out of your hat.

“Hey.” Finding Harry’s hand in the group of people, you gave it small tug so that he would turn to face you before meeting up with Anna, Gaga and Serena.

“You alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m just going to head in and find Lam. Just wanted to say you did amazing out there. Looked beautiful too.” The blush that raised to the apples of his cheeks anytime you called him beautiful made your heartache in need to kiss him. But you wouldn’t do that here, not yet anyways.

“Thank you for doing it with me. Wouldn’t have been nearly as fun without you there.” His forehead rested against yours, subtly rubbing his nose against yours as the world kept moving around you. “He should be right inside, probably at the table, can’t miss him and the Britney shirt.”

You stood in place for a moment, just watching him join the rest of his team, standing with their backs facing a beautiful rose wall with pink feathers standing straight up from the top. It made your heart stop, how breathtaking he was. So, before you made your way up the final staircase, you called his name, holding out a rose that had fallen from the wall and onto the ground. You knew it was a dangerous game to play, whipping out your phone and snapping a photo right in front of Anna, but you couldn’t help it, this moment needed to be captured. Harry turned around, hands on his thighs and a small smile just beginning to form on his face when he saw what you were offering him. But before he could make any movement, you took the photo, throwing your phone back in your clutch without bothering to make sure it came out well.

“Love you.” You winked, turning to jog, as best you could in the large white boots, up the staircase that made you imagine you were in Ocean’s 8. If you thought the outside of the venue was well decorated, than this was beyond anything you could describe. The tables were covered in table clothes, the same light pink shade as the carpet outside, with matching glassware and feathery centerpieces. Each place setting had white China painted with pink and green flowers, bamboo silverware to match the chairs, and fringed white napkins with the cutest embroidered flamingos on the ends. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling in a draping fashion, making the room look much taller than it really was, and a stone stage was built on the far end of the room. You gave yourself a mental reminder that you would leave Harry in charge of decorating your home more often if this was going to be the outcome.

Harry wasn’t far off because Lambert wasn’t at your designated table, instead, he was throwing back a tequila shot at the bar to your table’s left. But as soon as he saw you waltzing through the room, his head perked up. “About time! Thought I was going to have to put this on myself.”

“Go for it. It is Camp after all.” You laughed, joining him in taking the shot he handed to you.

“Maybe so, but I’m quite looking forward to seeing his reaction when he comes back in. Don’t think my legs would get that out of him. Now let’s go, before we get too drunk and can’t remember how to unzip you.”

Getting lost on the way to finding the nearest bathroom had you and Harry Lambert in a fit of giggles each time you turned a corner only to find a new group of celebrities mingling about. The two of you got on from the start because you had the same sense of humor and understanding that this wasn’t your scene but loved attending these kinds of function. The two of you would sit around and chat about people’s fashion choices or what you would have for a late supper once you got home. Lambert was truly one of the greatest friends you’d made through your boyfriend, and you reminded him quite often how fond of him you were.

Once you finally found a bathroom, making sure it wasn’t occupied by those who enjoyed taking unwanted photos in the restroom of the event, you swooped in and locked the door. Lambert stood behind you, unzipping the garment bag and revealing what would be your second outfit of the night. The familiar dress still shined under the bathroom light, making your excitement levels raise at what it would look like in the dimly lit room of both the Met party and Gucci after party you would be attending.

“Alright, let’s figure this out, yeah?” It wasn’t that your current outfit was complicated, it was just that there was so much delicate lace that had the potential to be ripped with the smallest of wrong movements, that no one really had a best way to get it off of you. The high-waisted pants fell to the ground as Lambert yelled a “Yes!” and soon the sheer white top was carefully being removed as well. Your hands went up to cover your now fully exposed chest and the man stood in the bathroom with you laughed, placing all the white material in the garment bag and taking out the teal dress.

“What? Why’re you laughing at me?”

“You just showed your tits to the entire world, no problem. But locked in a bathroom with a man your friends with and no shirt on is where you draw the line?” he shook his head in the mirror, lifting his finger and giving it a twirl, indicating that he wanted you to do the same.

“You’ve seen my boobs so many times at this point, I don’t care! It’s just cold in here!” you playfully yelled back, holding onto his shoulders as you stepped into the short dress, white ankle high boots still on your feet.

He moved around you, fixing any imperfections in the outfit that he could find and giving it a final once after zipping up the back before turning you so you could look at yourself in the mirror.

“Good?”

The first outfit you had on was breathtaking, in an angelic sort of way. It made you feel like you could do anything, impower anyone as you pranced around in the all-white suit of sorts, boobs on display and not a care in the world. This second outfit, however, made you feel like you truly belonged here. It had an aura of high fashion to it that you had never felt about yourself, and it forced you to take a large intake of breath.

“Amazing.”

By the time you had walked back into the main room, it was practically buzzing with activity. Celebs had entered at a rate you weren’t prepared for and the dining area was filled to the brim with them. Lambert had given the garment bag to his assistant, who had run it out to the car, and now you both were standing in one of the side entry ways, just watching as everyone moved so elegantly around the room. There were certain things about Harry’s, and now your, life you would never understand, and this was one of them. How everyone seemed to know everyone, simply because they all shared the bond that is stardom.

One of the spotlights shown directly on you at the same time as your heard Harry’s voices sound through the crowd. You didn’t see him immediately, because of the light in your eyes, but once you did, you felt like a million bucks. He too hard changed, the black lace top disappeared, and where it once laid was now a white dress shirt and large red bow, making him look similar to the hottest penguin you had ever seen. His green eyes had widened into saucers, not being to focus on one singular aspect of you as they continued to run up and down your figure, taking in your outfit change. It was almost identical to Alessandro’s top, just in teal instead of pink; exaggerated puffy sleeves, pussy bows layered along the left side, and a sharp angled cut at the bottom of the skirt. It elongated your legs and was enough to make any of the models in the even jealous. When you walked out of the bathroom back in your hotel room earlier, and he first got a glimpse of your outfit, he knew he was done for. Harry was weak for you, no matter what you did. And seeing you in not one, but two outfits he knew made you slightly uncomfortable, made his heart race and pants tighten in the thought that it was all for him.

“Wha- When? –“

“You look marvelous, dear!” Alessandro yelled, cutting of Harry’s stuttering and grabbing the attention of few onlookers such as Lizzo and Zendaya.

“I didn’t know you were changing, dove. You look – fuck.” Harry was at a loss for words. Every morning when he woke up and got to see your face lying next to him, he questioned where the universe had fucked up, because there was no way someone so remarkable would have naturally come into his life. You constantly made him feel things that he had convinced himself were made up, only felt in fairytale movies, because he had never experienced them before. Until you walked into his life. You truly were the embodiment of your “yang” ensemble earlier; light, positivity, strength, and peace. For being with you would always be Harry’s version of Heaven on earth.

“Yeah? You like it?” you asked as you walked up to him, placing your hands on his chest under the points of the bowtie. “You don’t look too shabby yourself, Mr.”

“We clean up nice, huh? Although, I am a bit sad your lace is gone. Liked looking at what’s mine all day.” It was a soft whisper, so soft you almost missed it under the loud music and chatter. But the ache between your legs indicated that you clearly hadn’t missed anything. There was nothing you could do about how our body responded to him on the daily, especially when even the smallest and most mundane things got your riled up. But how could. You be expected not to, when your boyfriend was the Harry Styles?

“Harry!” Someone yelled from across the room and he backed away from you immediately, knowing if you stayed that close for too much longer, you’d have to sneak off to an empty bathroom.

“Go, do your duties and be a Camp counselor.” You laughed at your own joke only for it to be replied with a roll of Harry’s eyes. “I’ll be at the table with everyone else. Come find me when you’re done.”

And for the next hour, you watched as Harry stood with Alessandro and Anna, talking to editors, photographers, and more from all sorts of important magazines and media outlets. It was like he was at a high school reunion, seeing everyone he used to know from his One Direction days, and it was amazing to see. But you could only sit and stare for so long, so you had made your way to the bar with Glenne and Lambert, giving Ben, James Corden, and their respective wives when you saw them downing some of their own drinks. Mingling with Harry’s friends had always been easy for you, seeing as you knew them for who they were as humans, not what the press and social media portrayed them as. It was like being with family and getting drunk with family always leads to the best times.

It must have only been minutes later that a pair of arms slinked around your waist, the familiar smell of Tom Ford that always lingered in your bathroom after Harry left every morning, filling your nose. His head rested on your shoulder, tightening his arms and swaying you both a bit, as he left the school reunion and joined the family one.

“Hi baby.” In your time apart, he must have consumed quite a number of drinks, because his voice was lower than usual, slurring a bit the end of each word. But you had also let loose, slurring equally as much.

“Love!” you wiggled in his arms so that he would let you have enough space to turn around, throwing your arms around his shoulders and smacking a kiss onto his lips, leaving a dab of light pink lipstick on his luscious lips.

“You both are disgustingly adorable.” A new voice made its way into your group of friends, one that you recognized but couldn’t place until you turned around to see her. Miss Ross stood next to James, her arms wide and waiting for you to hug.

“Tracee!” fleeing from Harry’s arms, you jumped into hers, missing the way she kissed the top of your head when embracing her. The two of you had met almost two years ago, when Harry had been on a red carpet and she introduced herself, and since then, she had joined you at many of his shows, you texted every now and again, and she was one of the women you looked up to forever. So, it was no wonder Harry had placed her directly behind you when it came to planning the seating arrangement.

“How are you, sweetheart? It’s been a bit.” She laughed, moving to say hello to Harry and order her own drink. “You both looked absolutely insane out there. Matching outfits? Gucci? You kids are going to kill me.” She laughed.

“Just trying to keep you young.” You shrugged, licking the salt Harry offered on his hand before taking yet another tequila shot, feeling all the alcohol you were consuming go straight to your head. You grabbed onto Harry’s shoulder, watching as he took his own shot – with much more ease – and swayed together carefully.

It was after that fourth shot of tequila and two cocktails that you began to forget the night. More so, when everyone started to forget the night. It was a constant cycle of celebrity after celebrity getting drinks at the bar, dancing on the at the tables to performers and music over the speakers, and then getting more drinks. But you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Everyone was letting loose and enjoying a night that was meant to be beyond special. You remembered Harry drunkenly calling Cher a bitch - in the nicest way possible - and breaking into a fit of laughter with Tracee after that. You remembered Harry making a statement and acknowledging all the non binary attendees and you screaming loudly in appreciation. You remembered the way Harry would sneak up behind you, whispering everything he wanted to do to you once you were in the privacy of your hotel room. How beautiful you looked and that he was the luckiest man to ever walk the Earth to have a girl like you by his side every day.

And somehow, the next thing you remembered, you were standing in the gymnasium of a New York school, wildly waving your arms around as Mark Ronson taught Harry the basics to DJing. Flashes of taking shots, and dancing with hundreds of people, and roughly making out like horny teenagers in the corner of the gym filled your mind. Concentrating on one single moment wasn’t possible, as they were all mushing together, leaving you without a care in the world and the feeling of complete happiness in your bones.

“Alexa, I swear to God if you fall on my head, I won’t talk to you for a week.” you yelled as you tried to help her down from the basketball hoop. She had somehow managed to climb ontop the hoop, posing for a photo in her drunken stupor. Harry had come over to help get her down, but you saw it as the perfect photo opportunity and snapped a few shots - just as Alexa was slipping down into the net - before coming to help her down.

“Oooh, a week, I’m so scared.” she taunted, wrapping her legs around your waist as she finally slid from inside the net fully. “We all know you’’ be texting me tomorrow morning.”

“You bitch.”

“You love me.”

The playful arguing was abruptly cut off as Harry moved to stand between the two of you, crouching down a bit so that he could pick you up at your knees, earning a slap to his bum and a scream from you.

“Time for us to go.” he stated, tapping your bum back and turning so the two of you could bid adieu to your friends, most of whom were too drunk to even realize what was happening.

The chilly New York air hit your faces like a sharp slap as soon as you left the school, drunkenly stumbling into the black van that was waiting outside to take you back to the hotel. Like every party you had gone to as a teenager, and every movie depicted, the cold air had begun to sober you up almost immediately. But the horny teenagers still lived inside you both, just waiting for the right moment to be set free. And as much as you liked to pretend you were in the shower, you were not Beyoncé, and there would be no telling the driver to roll up a partition. Instead, you settled on cuddling up to one another in the far corner of the car, legs intertwined, hands gripping each other in your lap, and your head resting on his shoulder. The silence was peaceful, a stark contrast to the thumping music and voices all night.

“’M so proud of you.” You could feel the hum under your head, vibrating through his body and into yours. “I’m serious H, this was something you’ve been dreaming about forever and you made it your bitch.”

“Stop.”

“Looked so stunning standing there in your sheer top, nails painted and heeled boots. Made me tingly just looking at you.”

“Yeah?” he asked, shifting a bit so he could look down at you, practically in his lap.

Untangling his hands, you brought one right to the edge of your dress, letting his fingers slip just below the hemline, that had ridden up quite a bit, and rest on the dampness between your legs. “Baby, look what you’ve done to me.”

“Okay, alright, mood’s gone now. Quoting my own mate’s lyrics at me while my hands are down your pants. I see how it is.” he laughed, giving a small smack to the inside of your thigh and shaking his head.

“I know you’re loving this. The narcissism in you is just itchy at all this praise. Just take the compliment and shut up, would ya. I’m tired.” it had been one of the longest days of your life, with preparations beginning as early as 6am, so you believed you were fully allowed to be a whiney, tired mess.

“I love you very much, my dove. Thank you for doing this with me.” he whispered as you rested your head back on his shoulder, pressing a multitude of kisses to the top of your head. “You’re forever the yin to my yang.”

You stumbled into your hotel room, giggling to yourselves as the night’s events finally start to drift away some with the tiredness that was consuming you. Harry closed the door, turning around to find you standing in the middle of the living room, trying to get your boots off. Rushing to your aid, he sat down behind you, opening the zip for both of your boots.

“Let me.” He mumbled, looking up at you as he took a light grip around one of your calves and helped you step out of it. You smiled, letting him put your foot carefully down onto the floor before turning his attention to the other one. He slid his hand up from where the boot started and all the way to you exposed skin where he let his fingers wrap lightly around you, guiding your foot out of the boot while looking up at you looking down at him. “You were right earlier,” Harry said, pressing a kiss to the backside of your thigh. “Your feet do smell.”

You brought your foot up and kicked him lightly away from you, making him fall to his ass and exclaim an ‘ouch’ in between laughter. Carefully, you started to take your dress off, ready to finally go to bed after a long day of nothing but partying and crowds. At this, Harry stood quickly and strolled back over to you, whispering the same, “Let me” as he had whispered some minutes earlier. You let him, looking him dead in the eyes as he slid your dress off you, biting his lip in concentration not to ruin it in any way or to hurt you. Once it was off, Harry forgot all about everything, and dropped the dress right to the floor. A heavy sigh left his lips as he took you in, the edges of his mouth tipping upward as they passed your breasts.

“Had almost forgotten you weren’t wearing a bra.” He said, voice laced in something you had heard it wrapped in a handful of times before; lust. “Not that I didn’t think about it a few too many times tonight.”

“Thought about what?”

“Your boobs.”

You huffed, reaching for the zip at the top of Harry’s high-waisted trousers.

“Not in, like, a degrading way or whatever, I just appreciate them a lot.”

“You have made a lot of boob jokes today.” You unzipped his trousers all the way down, watching as they fell to the floor and he stepped out of them.

“Couldn’t help myself, dove.” Harry smiled, going to unbutton his shirt when you pushed his hands away to do it. “I’ll stop when I run out of them.”

“Or you can stop now.” You smiled back at him, earning a small giggle and a sway, still a little drunk. Harry leaned his forehead against yours, closing his eyes while you unbuttoned his shirt very slowly. Your fingers would occasionally poke his torso, sometimes even skim his skin, and Harry felt all of it so intensely it gave him a bit of a head-rush. Though you were both excruciatingly tired from tonight’s events, there was also a part in both of you that couldn’t quite forget earlier on when you had been very tipsy. When Harry had admitted to being turned on because he found you so irresistible in that outfit, or when you had been tipsy and handsy, whispering dirty promises into each other’s ears that neither had forgotten about. Another giggle left Harry’s mouth at the thought of all of this, though, and he tipped his head to fit against yours, placing a soft kiss to your lips. Lingering there, he brought his hand up, tracing his ring and index finger along your jaw until you slowly broke apart.

Opening your eyes, you tried not to laugh, because for some reason you felt like laughing. Harry caught you straining not to, so he did it himself. He dragged his shirt out from under his huge red bow, chuckling as he pressed yet another kiss on you. He shrugged his shirt off, letting it join his trousers on the floor, and then kissed you again, placing both his hands on either side of your face. Guiding your mouth to open wider for him, he darted his tongue in gently, sliding it along yours before he drew back, cocking his head to the side to get a better taste of you, and then he did the same. It was entrancing, feeling Harry like this. Though you could still taste the cocktails on his tongue from earlier that night, you could also taste something far more prominent and enticing; desire. It wasn’t a raw hunger that would leave him wrapping his hands around your throat, or your bumcheeks aching. It was an easy thirst that had the cells of both of your bodies reaching for one another; a thirst that felt like ‘I want you’. His tongue swirled around yours, something he only did when he was horny, to tell you he’d like to go all the way; asking you if you wanted to, too.

Pushing him lightly, you made Harry sit down in the sofa. And with hooded eyes, he reached for you the second you straddled his lap. Teeth collided in a desperate embrace, both suddenly yearning more for one another than you thought you had a minute prior. Your hands rested at the back of his neck, tugging at the small hairs there, and Harry inhaled sharply once you put a little more strength into it. As a response, his hands came to rest at your hip, stroking up and down your ass, giving you a proper squeeze that had your moaning into the kiss. It was like someone had flicked the switch, and suddenly you weren’t purely needing one another any longer, but rather hopelessly desiring till the point of it driving you both insane. Grinding against his bare thighs and black boxers, you felt Harry’s reaction against your centre and in the tightening of his hands on your arse.

“Remember earlier when I said you knocked all sense out of me?”

You nodded, looking down into his eyes as you put more pressure on him under you this time, letting him feel how hot you had become.

He moaned. “Yeah, I think that’s just a theme for tonight.”

“Just-” you mumbled, reaching for one of the hands resting on your ass, you brought it forward, sliding it between the small slit of space between yours and Harry’s cores. A shaky breath left his lips as he felt how wet you were growing. “Just tonight?”

Slowly, he slid a finger unto your underwear, running it between your folds; running it over a haven he had visited hundreds of times and could never get enough of. Your head fell back, a soft utterance of pleasure sounding before you glanced back down at him, biting your lip.

“Every night.” He said, voice dark with longing. “Everyday. Every hour, minute, second I’m around you, I-“

You silenced him by kissing him again, hooking your fingers to the bow he still had wrapped around his neck. Touching you more forcefully, you gasped against him and Harry grinned, knowing how to use the position you had put him in. But you kissed him again, pressing yourself against his torso as he dragged his finger to your hole, wetting every surface of your cunt he could reach. He could feel himself growing harder, his cock erecting to meet with your centre. If he hadn’t been gripping your ass tight in one hand and felt your wet pussy with the other, he would’ve cupped himself to get some sense of release. Because you were just kissing him, and he was teasing you, and he needed to feel you around his cock. Needed to feel how ready you were for him, how easy he could slip inside you, and how you’d always close your eyes and let out a long exclamation of satisfaction at feeling the fullness of him inside you.

But suddenly you pulled away and stood, looking at him with a satisfied smile on your face. Confused, Harry frowned, fingers and lap suddenly feeling a little too cold without you against him.

“Need to go take a shower.” You said, taking your white thong off and letting it fall to the floor with the rest of your clothes. With Harry still looking like a complete question mark, you turned around and started walking towards the bathroom.

“Now?!” Harry sounded crushed and dumbfounded still.

“You said I had smelly feet, so I’m taking a shower.” And with that you walked into the bathroom, not bothering with closing the door as you were hoping that would do the trick. Trying not to smile too big as you knew your plan would work, you walked to the counter first where you got your make-up remover out first. You knew Harry could see you from where he was sitting in the sofa, knew he could see you removing your make-up so you could enter the shower without any on. And as you glanced over in his direction, you saw his hand absentmindedly moving lightly over his dark boxers. Eyes set on your naked form, on your ass that you were strutting out, and your entire backside that faced him. You bit your lip, cocking your head to the side as your eyes met. As you did so, he himself knew exactly what you wanted him to do. Saw it in the way you let your eyes slide over your own body before turning around, heard it in the groan you let out as the hot water hit your body once you walked out of view and into the shower.

You let the water fall into your hair and run down your entire body, closing your eyes you sighed in relief. It was good to feel the sweat, alcohol, and everything from tonight wash away from top your skin. When you turned around, the water running down your back, you saw Harry enter the bathroom. Stark naked, you saw him in all his glory through the fogged-up glass of the shower; saw his erection, saw all his dark tattoos that contrasted against his light skin, and the red bowtie that he had yet to take off. You didn’t mind, though, because as he entered the shower you figured it was just another thing you could cling to. He crashed into you, kissing you like you had been away from each other for way too long and he needed a reminder of how fucking incredible you tasted. Your tongues tangled, hands grabbing onto one another, and small moans filling the air around you.

“Lift your leg.” He demanded.

You did, and Harry placed it in the crook of his elbow, holding your leg up so it wouldn’t be much work for you. Before you got to ask him what he was doing, Harry slid himself into you. Every word you were about to say evaporated, completely disappearing and never to be seen again. Finding a steady pace, Harry pounded in and out of you, one arm wrapped around your thigh, and the other on your hip. Your wet skin colliding echoed through the entire room, intensifying within the walls of the shower. At first you didn’t really know what to do with your hands, but you quickly reached for Harry’s shoulders as everything was already too much.

It felt so good. It was everything sex with Harry usually was; desperate, hot, and loving. He made a point of kissing you; your lips, your jaw, your neck, making sure that you knew just how much he loved you. Just how much he would love you this day, the rest of his life, and the life after that. All the while fucking you like there was nothing else he knew how to do; slamming into you with such force and intensity that your vision blurred with the pleasure he was sending through you.

“Should think twice before you tease me, dove.” He mumbled through gritted teeth, way too focused on pounding into you hard and deep to be able to control himself properly.

“I did.” You moaned, hands gripping onto the sides of his Gucci bowtie.

Harry laughed and you did the same, taking a moment to just look at one another as you were smiling like this, connected and wet. It was a magical moment, feeling the other take up every single of the five senses you possessed. You suddenly weren’t just merely in love with one another. No, what you were feeling exceeded that; it was magnified and much bigger than just love. The raw attachment you felt towards one another was a link between two souls; two souls that had been searching forever and finally found home. Found where they belonged. You leaned forward, kissing Harry’s lip softly, a tenderness he returned and smiled into. Once you leaned back against the wall, giving him a grin, he bit his lip at the sight.

“Go on,” you said, wiggling the thigh of yours he was holding onto. “Fuck me.”

“Thought we were having a moment just then,” Harry huffed, gripping your thigh harder. “But you’re only here for my cock. I see how it is.”

You laughed again, but your laughter was quickly switched into confusion as Harry slipped out of you. Wide-eyed, you squealed as Harry took a grip of your back and under both your feet, carrying you out of the still running shower.

“Harry, what are you-“

But you stopped yourself mid-sentence as Harry placed you on the bed, making you turn around and lay down. Glancing over your shoulder, you saw him a little out of breath, hand on his cock as he stroked himself slowly. At this, you perked your ass upward, seeing his hunger intensify at how badly you wanted him to fuck you. A grip of your ankles, he dragged you closer towards the edge of the tall bed, letting your feet hit the floor while your torso was still flush against the throw. There he slammed into you for the second time that evening. And you moaned loudly. Fisting the velvet underneath your hand tightly. Harry continued at the same pace as before, groaning at the familiar burn in his core of an oncoming orgasm. Small ‘yes’s, ‘just like that’s, and ‘please don’t stop’s left your lips, the only words of encouragement Harry would ever need from anyone. He tipped forward from his standing position behind you, sliding his hands down your arms until he reached yours. There, he intertwined his fingers with yours, a sweet gesture that once again contradicted how hard and fast he was pounding into you.

“Fuck.” He mumbled, eyes closed as he groaned, his hair fell into his face.

“Harry.”

At the sound of you moaning his name like that, his eyes shot open. He had to watch you as he climaxed, had to see you squirming underneath him and know this was his doing; he was making you come this hard. The burn of your orgasm started from your core, building up till flames were licking at your inner depths, reminding you of the consuming bliss that was about to come. It was intense, and Harry clinging onto your hands, slamming against your bum, all just made the flames inside you grow hotter and hotter and hotter. As the world around you and Harry completely disappeared, you buried your head into the mattress, gasping for air. The orgasm burst, and you lost it. It was all you came to know in those seconds; the burn of your climax and as it spread its way around your body, warming everything within you till you felt dizzy with pleasure. Your eyes were shut hard, crying out Harry’s name amongst uncontrolled moans and a few inaudible swear words. Once you began coming down from your orgasm, Harry had his. Hips jerking irregularly and moaning loudly as he detached his hands from yours and pulled out. He came in your back, one hand leaning on your ass for support while the other slid over his cock until he was done. You two stayed silent for a little bit, coming down from the orgasm.

Once Harry was able to stand properly again, he walked into the bathroom and got a small cloth, sliding it over your back till all the jizz was gone. With that, you both walked into the shower and washed off everything from tonight. Harry shampooed your hair and you smeared his entire body with soap. Once you were both done, barely a word exchanged since you’d had sex, you wrapped yourself in a bathrobe each and walked over to the bed, snuggling under the covers together.

“Hmm,” Harry hummed as be wrapped his arms around you. “Good night, wasn’t it?”

“Truly.” You kissed his forehead, eyes widening as you remembered something. “Oh! I took a ton of pictures on my phone even though we weren’t allowed, want to see?”

Harry chuckled, looking out of the window at the rising sun outside. And though he was tired and wanted to sleep, there was nothing he’d rather do than spend the last few moments with you on a day he’d never forget.

“Of course, dove.” He smiled. “Show me everything.”

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

[lovemesomesurveys]

How do you feel about full length beards? I’m not into a lot of facial hair. I like some scruff, but that’s it. Have you ever been to a circus? Yeah, once. I was naive and didn’t know about the abuse that went on at the time. Do you know anyone who’s gone to a Fat Camp? No. Do you use Facebook IM everyday? No. I don’t even remember the last time I used it. How many surveys have you done already today? This is my first.

What’s the WORST show on Adult Swim? I don’t care for the Adult Swim shows. Family Guy and American Dad is okay, but after that it gets too stupid and weird for me. Sorry. Like once I saw this show, Mr. Pickles, and uh... wtf. The episode I saw was very disturbing. I don’t get the appeal of Rick and Morty at all. And why the hell is Mike Tyson Mysteries a thing? That’s just to name a few. I see previews of other shows and I just... wow. Do you have any relatives that have shunned you, or vice versa? No. Has anyone ever posted a HORRIBLE picture of you for everyone to see? Not maliciously or because they thought it was horrible and wanted to embarrass me, but yeah. My mom has posted photos where she didn’t see anything wrong and she thinks I looked fine, but I was like EW NO take that down it’s hideous. I reallyyyy don’t like photos of me taken by someone else. I have to take my own photos if I’m going to take one at all because I know the angles and lighting and can add a filter. Plus, I can take a ton before finally settling on one. If someone else takes the photo and they want to post it, I have to approve. Which grade in school was the most fun for you? I enjoyed elementary and middle school. High school had its ups and downs, but there were parts I liked. I liked the last 2 years the best. Which would you rather have, a new puppy or kitten? I wouldn’t want another pet right now to be honest. We have our doggo and one suits our family best right now. Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? No, thankfully. I have other issues I struggle with, but not drama. Do you ever just want to go away to a new place where no one knows you? I don’t live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I was never Miss Popularity, so apart from family and a few other people, not a lot of people know me. However, I do want move away to a new place. My family and I have wanted to for a long time, we just haven’t been able to. A change of environment and scenery would be really nice. You’re ordering a pizza, you can have any kind of toppings, what are they? I’m a simple gal, I just like white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, and crumbled meatballs with pesto drizzled on top. Do you hit ‘quiet’ or ‘ignore’ on your cell? Which one usually? Nah. If my phone rings and I don’t want to answer it, I just let it ring. Do you ever regret giving your number to people? I have before with some people. Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? Haha yeah. Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? Nope. Does/did your high school have pop machines? No. They decided to remove them the year I entered high school, which I was mad about. Do you use a public computer, or do you have your own? I have my own laptop. Do you ever find it odd how you type LOL when you’re not really laughing? >> No, because I understand that its function has moved far beyond representing actual laughing-out-loud. <<< Yeah. I remember discussing that in a class once. Have you ever gambled? A couple times. Not my thing. Although, what really made my experience unenjoyable wasn’t so much the gambling, it was that the casinos I’ve been to allow smoking and I don’t do well with cigarette smoke. At all. It gives me a killer headache, makes my heart rate go up, and makes me feel dizzy and sick. It’s awful. The smell in the casinos was too overbearing for me, so I spent very little time inside. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? I really don’t want to work retail. And that’s not shade toward retail workers AT ALL. I salute you, honestly. You deal with a lot of shit. What’s the shortest you would ever cut your hair? I had a “bob” for a few years. Do you listen to any deathcore? No. Do you subscribe to any teen magazines? Which ones? No. I’m also 30 years old. Do you know someone who never smiles? Never? No. Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable at work? I’ve never had a job. Do you still watch South Park? I never did. I mean, I’ve seen bits here and there before because my brother used to watch it, but I was never into it myself. Tell me one movie you’ve seen recently that sucked: My mom, brother, and I recently watched this movie on Netflix called, The Platform. It had potential and was interesting at first, but the ending was just... no. It seemed abrupt and I was just really confused. Have you ever carved something into a dinner booth somewhere? No. When’s the last time you were carded at a bar? When I last went to the bar, which was almost 10 years ago. Do you smoke little cigars? Have you ever tried them? Nooo. You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? Pfft, no I’m not babysitting. What’s the last thing you returned at a store? I very rarely return things so I have no idea. It’s been a long time. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? I don’t even recall the last time I petted a cat. Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? I haven’t in a long time. If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? I already do, I dye it red. Who’s got your heart? Me. What’s your television addiction? I have several shows that I’m into. Have you ever stringed green beans before? No. What do you do to make yourself more relaxed when you’re nervous? It’s hard to calm myself when I’m anxious, but I try to distract by talking to someone, listening to ASMR, watching TV or something on YouTube, or reading.  Do you cook? If so, what’s the last thing you made? The only thing I cook is ramen. Oh wait actually I made a grilled cheese sandwich the other day. ha.  Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? Yeah, a few things. How do you usually spend your Saturdays? I spend all my days and nights the same, really. Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? Last year I briefly got into making beaded bracelets. I made a few. What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re bored? I do the same things everyday whether I’m bored or not: spend time on my social medias, watch YouTube, read, watch TV, scroll through Tumblr, do surveys, just lie there.... ha. Somedays just feel like they’re dragging and going by extra slow and the things I listed above that I like doing just don’t cut it so I just lie there mindlessly watching TV or go to sleep. Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? No. Do you like the smell of new school supplies? As a kid I did. Like getting a new box of crayons. Do you give everything you do 100%? No. I certainly haven’t with life... Do you shop at any independent music stores? No. I don’t shop at any music stores. How do you feel about mainstream music? I like a lot of it.

What song lyrics describe your mood at the moment? *shrug* Do you have healthy eating habits? No. My eating habits are messed up. I have issues with appetite and other issues.

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? A dog. Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about? I do the knock on wood thing, but it’s just out of habit, really. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be? There’s so many places I’d like to visit. What food disgusts you the most? I don’t do seafood at all. What is your favorite thing to cook? Ramen. One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? I wouldn’t want to get lost anywhere in the dark. :O Are you claustrophobic? Yes. What is your worst flaw? Oh where to start. One thing that always creeps you out? ALL bugs. What is your biggest fear? Losing loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life and just wasting away... If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I don’t believe in reincarnation. Ideal way you’d like to die? Obviously painlessly, but jeez. If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick? I like living with my family. What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Uh, a lot of things. Your favorite kind of dog? I love doggos, but I definitely have a special thing for Labs and German Shepherds. Do you have any scars? If so, how many? I have a lot of scars. I’m not going to count them. What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark? I don’t watch them in the dark. Unless I’m at the theater, obviously. I love scary movies, though. Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die? Cremated. What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic? Coffee and Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks. That’s also coffee, but you know what I mean. I don’t have a favorite alcoholic drink, I don’t drink. What is your favorite food around the holidays? I love either ham or turkey depending on the holiday and mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing, and rolls. Easiest way to scare you? I’m such a jumpy, easily scarable (it’s a word, shh) person so you could really just say hi and I’ll jump. haha. Like my back faces my bedroom door and if I don’t hear anyone coming in or they just poke their head in to say something I’ll jump. lmao. Tell me one of your biggest secrets? Nah. What was your last nightmare about? It’s been awhile since I’ve had one, thankfully.

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 6 - “The Level of Disgust I Have” - Karen

so i flopped in the arena.. but i do be staying sitting pretty considering the fact that i’ve survived every tribal with no votes even when my name is brought up! so cheers to that 

So I've just blown up the entire Miraitowa chat exposing Nicole and Jacob C as fantastic liars, yet Sammy doesnt have enough sense in his head to make his own decisions and go with the more trustworthy people. Honestly pray for a swap because this tribe is a fucking mess and the returnees are just picking off all the newbies, making this season boring as shit.

So, that boring ass alliance of 4 with Eve on the bottom probably wont break up for anything. That sucks, but I still have my extra vote. If Landen can win immunity, they'll all want to vote Eve, so then I can reveal to Eve and Landen I have an extra vote. Then we all vote together and make those bitches go to rocks and make this shit actually entertaining.

I honestly feel two things 1) I’m a fool and 2) I’m leaving this round. I just feel like it’s my time and it just sucks because I got played into doing all the dirty work for a bunch of stinky little men. So here’s the lowdown of what happened: I explained in my last confessional that we voted out Pete and that I felt like I was going to get fucked over because I was doing all the talking! Well. Essentially that. Basically when Pete came back there was a lot of information spilled and I was left to try to tell the truth without telling the whole truth (which was that we built this tribe to kill the newbies off which NOW IM NOT EVEN SURE IS TRUE.) So Landen tells us that Juls told Sammy and Jacob about her power, not just TOLD SAMMY AND JACOB. Offered to use her power on Jacob and Sammy. And they said NO and let it be used on Landen, essentially putting Kevin in the hot seat. So I’m kind of mad. I think I’m leaving this round like I just feel it in my gut but, maybe not. Who knows, who cares, I’m tired. 

Counting helped at my grandma's place to unwind. Not hearing boring, inane tripe from Darcy also helps. He's boring. I hate boring people. Also he voted for me, so why trust him? 

So I found out Eve left me for dead as well and she flips to them for no reason instead of talking to the person she’s been with since day 1. At the start i told her i’m watching her back for her and I’ve done that, now that I try talking to her out of fear for her safety, she doesn’t care to talk. It’s okay though that’s the game, it’s good that I know that now though so i don’t waste my extra vote lol

First off, I once again had no luck in the Olympic Village, nothing in the pool, so if something was there, someone else must have found the things already.  Secondly, a trio was formed between Tommy, Beck and I, where I already told both of them that I wanted to go to merge with them both, and that is 100% the truth, I trust those two the most on my tribe at the moment, and been having the best talks with them both in this game so far on my tribe.   So I would love making merge with the two of them.   Thirdly, I won individual immunity, which I actually think this is my first time winning individual immunity in an org, so am grateful to achieve that goal, although I didn't have to go all out to the 10k mark lmao.   Also, from what I got told from Tommy, Ben wanted to get me out if I had lost this immunity, so being safe feels that much greater, and I want Ben out now moment he isn't immune.  Plus had Ben call me a no lifer in the main chat after results got posted, so of course, I had to try to defend myself somewhat, as I'm not going to stand around and get claimed a no lifer, even though it is partially the truth due to being unemployed, but I do hang out with friends and stuff.  Anyways, Ben did apologize shortly afterwards for his words, which I appreciate the apology, but that doesn't change the fact that I want him out asap, since well he wants me out.   In terms of this vote though, if everything goes good, I think it will be Juls getting the boot, but we shall see what happens.  I am safe for this round, and made final 17, so no matter what I am safe, just hopefully my allies in Tommy and Beck can both survive this vote as well.

I think we've come to the end of the road for me, which sucks. I really don't want to lose this game, especially so early. I hate big casts, truly. Anyway, either way this night is gonna fuck me over. Two things could be happening tonight: 1) I get rid of Jacob and then Kevin is mad at me, Sammy is mad I got rid of Jacob, I sever my ties with Beck and Juls, I have to rely on my returnee ties and new newbie ties but, the new newbies don't like me either. So I'd essentially be screwed, but I've already promised it. 2) We get rid of Eve, and I lie to Eve, AGAIN. Which I really don't want to do. Although she's a little bit of a wishy washy woman, I don't want to betray Eve's trust because she's actually so sweet, and I'd value a friendship with her going forward in this game. I think I normally succeed in games where I can cultivate genuine friendships and feel like I truly have someone to rely on. I think I'm seeing that more and more with Kevin and Karen, but I don't know if that's 100% genuine either. Either way I'm not winning this game, so if I lose tonight I'll just reduce it down to I played too big too fast and I'll know better for next time around. Being the first winner out would really suck. But, I don't know. I'm just kind of nervous I ruined my game for people who don't care if I go and that's probably the worst feeling (and I'd know, seeing as I have gotten 0 votes at FTC, two times!) Anyway, I'll check back in later if we do come up with a plan that doesn't make me feel like utter shit, which is not likely at this point in time.

Y’all lemme tell you, Miraitowa is a fuckin mess fuck this tribe i can’t wait for the swap lmao. Okay so basically the voting block that took me out exploded and is eating itself. Jacob C and Nicole are telling the exact same story except they’re accusing the other person of creating the alliance and voting me. Honestly idc it was probably a team effort between the both of them, i’m trying to have the vote end up as the worst case possible for that alliance so it officially never reconnects. Here’s how it breaks down: Jacob C, Sammy, and Eve are all trying to get Nicole out. Nicole is trying to get Jacob C out. Kevin is a fuckin wild card, I thought he’d be with Nicole but who the fuck knows man. If Landen and I let Nicole go, we’d still be on the bottom of the same alliance minus Nicole so right now we need to confirm that Kevin is voting with Nicole and we can break apart some of Jacob’s connections. 

Oh my god a triple tribal council. Y'all can't give us a break?!?!?! This season is going to have the most tribal council I swear. This is at least an opportunity to get out Juls, who I think will be my biggest threat if I let her slip past this vote because she's dangerous and able to get along with so many people. This twist I think will prove to be a good way to get Juls out because she has to face two people and unless the other tribe puts total duds in terms of challenge competition she will go home if sent to the arena. As part of strategy when Ben told me he was coming for Darcy, I told Darcy right before he won immunity that Ben was after him but I said I heard it from Karen. This way it shows that Karen is willing to keep Darcy but it gives me more trust with Darcy than Karen because I was the one who told Darcy. We had a call Darcy, Beck, and Myself and finally made a trio alliance which I think will benefit me at certain points in the game because they may have really good potential to draw in people to work with. I think I convinced them I can draw in Karen as a makeshift fourth for our group to have a majority. However, I trust Karen for now in the long scheme I think I will just maintain a good standing with her but not tell them as much. As for now I'm just down with this plan Myself, Beck, Darcy, and Karen are going for to blindside Juls and hopefully my plan to get rid of Juls pans out and we are able to officially eliminate her. If we go to tribal again Ben makes an easy next boot, this keeps the 4 people I'm closest to on the tribe on the tribe as long as possible (Karen, Beck, Darcy, and Caeleb.) The only problems I see if Juls goes is that either she wins a Gold medal and/or Caeleb loses trust which both have a chance of happening but I think this risk will be worth the reward. It's a high risk high reward situation.    

People are quiet, and I hope it's because of inactivity Jordan and Emma seem fine with voting Sarah, and that should be all needed. Chris isn't responding but I don't think he's around. Sarah hasn't even read my message today lol

honestly at this point my tribe is a disaster and i feel like the prince, just sitting on my throne with immunity and looking down with a horrified gaze like... what the FUCK is happening... y'all-. Ever since when I was first blindsided by seeing Pete leave everything went insane. Sammy called for damage control, it was all obvious bullshit. i won the medal at the arena, thank the lord, i did intentionally volunteer knowing i NEEDED that bonus, but thank god i got it for individual immunity instead! i was able to *ahem* secure the bag, and i did that while also going as hard as i can with my social manipulation skills. everyone thought i was just some newbie or some quiet anxious guy that doesn't know how to crack the premade and will never be able to put up a fight but they were wrong. They should not have underestimated me because I was able to expose the lies they told themselves and each-other. In all their efforts to outplay one another, they ended up soiling their own defeat. i told nicole about how sammy/jacob omitted the information about juls' power, and i continuously threatened everyone through jokes to remind them 'I'm still counting, and I've been counting for 24 hours. I'm going to win immunity, and you'll have to turn on eachother.' this madness led to nicole throwing sammy/jacob under the bus right before challenge ended, and of course, they returned the favor. This has led to a paranoia induced voting period where honestly, i still don't even know what's happening. it's very likely the tribal is LIVE tonight. the fear and stress comes in in that i really don't want to lie to sammy after the conversations we had, i really want to be truthful with him. but thinking about my individual game, keeping Jacob C and Eve in just makes no sense. They both have no interest in working with me long term and they both are connected with a ton of people that I want to have loyalty to. Getting rid of them frees up Caeleb and Juls a little bit for me, so I would really like to take them down. But working with Nicole, Kevin, and Pete is going to put me in a tight spot where Sammy is furious, potentially with an idol, and feels like I was a hypocrite with him. That's going to be really hard. But Eve and Jacob are just. VERY bad for my game. They both limit my working relationships with other people a ton. They both make this game.. quite difficult to navigate for me. And they both have zero interest in working with me. It's hard to play Sammy like this, I am gonna feel awful for this. But, you gotta do what you gotta do, and with a swap possibly coming soon... This is what I gotta do. It's shark week (thanks Kevin) and blood is about to get shed. 

Hello I hate these hosts......all tribes going to tribal??????? The level of disgust I have .... so Ben returned after being voted kmssss I know mans will be gunning for me ugh I wish I won immunity but like Darcy fuckn snapped fhdgggg. So with this tribal coming up Darcy wants to take out juls, with me tommy and becks voting together. The only person I’m if-y on is becks atm bc becks is close to juls allegedly. Also caeleb and Juls haven’t been spoken to all day which is like yikes bc that could mean they’d vote for me, i think may I could throw becks under the bus just in case. Slim picking that’s for sure ugh why is the game like this. Also I’ve been talking to nicole and kev and they seem to be struggling on their tribe & hope neither go bc then I’d have to keep working with tommy lol /:. Also I’ve been told juls is the one who exiled Landon so 👀👀👀👀👀thats so suspect!!!!! Juls & becks seem kinda shady to me so I’m gonna have to monitor them. Ugh I hope I’m not getting played tonight or else it might just be bye bye Karen 

I’m in a peculiar position. I don’t want Eve to go, Jacob C is way bigger a threat to me but we have to keep nicole and that group is set on Eve....... god i’m hoping we’re right. 

hello confessional! i'm an awful person and this is the third time in an org that i've fucked over juls somehow and i feel terrible about it. unfortunately with the new alliance that tommy made for us voting out anyone else besides caeleb or juls was not an option and caeleb is rly good at challenges so.... but yeah! tonight fucking sucked. kinda hope juls comes back but i also don't bc she will be out for my blood and you know what? i deserve it

Nicole’s gone, I’m happy about it, it’s what she deserves truely. Over this stupid fucking tribe, CHOKE all of you

I feel really bad about this vote. I new Jacob was going home, but I had to vote with him to make sure that he’ll still be on my side if he comes back from arena. 

The game is getting spicy. This is my confession 👀

WELLLLLLLL babes basically this round started out with landen and pete coming back and trying to yell at the four from the previous majority, after we lied to their faces and then they did not take it well. After all the fighting was said and done we all got to counting and by all i mean me and landen, whom beat me thanks to his silver medal. Even though i counted higher, but alas the past is in the past. After that the game really got going cause we had to go to TRIBAL !!! which fucking sucked because we basically only had 1 option for our "alliance" which was eve, i started talking to the 2 safe bois to see where they were at and the didnt like eve or had some issues with eve, so i thought we could capitalize on that and just unan it on eve, but when i woke up that was simply NOT AN OPTION because the night before nicole had said jacobs name to nicole, without informing the alliance nor jacob personally what she said. This was followed by eve telling jacob immediately after what was said which lead jacob to distrust nicole which in turn made sammy distrust nicole, waking up in the middle of this was not ideal because i had no way to prevent it so i had to work with the situation as best as possible. After talking to everyone on the tribe it literally seemed to be a vote between jacob and nicole with no wiggle room. However as the day moved on i wanted to try and sneak eves name into the mix, after talking to pete and landen some who both confessed they wanted to work with me i pitched to them that potentially voting Eve and then keeping Nicole and Jacob mad at each other for future rounds to cover us, to which they seemed to take well to but werent very eager to do right away. After that i had to reel nicole in and get her to send her vote to Eve which worked until we found out that Sammy has an idol !!! Which he could use on himself orrrrrr EVE, so basically we had to tread carefully after this point and we had to lie to Sammy, pete/landen said they were doing nicole and nicole said she was doing sammy himself, i didnt lie i said i felt like eve was my only option and i worked with that, but still people did lie to him, and I tried to plant seeds in his head to play the idol on himself cause potentially he could save eve, but i wanted him to worry about himself first. After all the drama there was the calm before the storm.. and then the storm hit hard as fuck. We had a plan and a majority until minutes before tribal when nicole told jacob we were voting eve to keep him in the loop and probably turn him off of her, which he was fine with! But landen and pete felt betrayed that nicole would disclose our information to someone else, so when they heard that they scrambled and Pete wanted us to flip onto Jacob, while Landen coincidentallyyy voted for Nicole, which ultimately resulted in a 3-3-1, i tried to flip sammy or pete to keep nicole but to avail ... rip nicole. After tribal eve was obviously mad about getting votes, Sammy was mad about getting lied to and Landen and Pete were proven flakes, i did my best to save face and keep my ducks in a row with sammy, pete, and landen but only time will tell if i did a good enough job. As for the rest of the game i really hope that nicole comes back because she was, surprisingly, my closest ally in this game and i need her as a shield. But im sad that juls got out and while I want her to come back too i would prefer nicole, for game purposes but i would be just as happy to see juls return if she can pull it off. Welp, good luck charlie.

So I got voted out. I think I’m good with it though. I’m very much “whatever happens happens” at this point, because in my opinion I think I’m done with this game. There’s a lot of factors that I just don’t like about it, and that’s not saying anything about the hosts because I love Monty and Gage, I think I’ve spoken about this before in other games I’ve been in but I really can’t play games where you spend 24 hours sitting around. It hinders me so bad to just be sitting, not doing a challenge or anything, especially with 25 people around, it’s hell. There are a lot of things that annoy me in this game. One being that the newbies are like...mean as fuck lol. Like they just come in guns blazing and really don’t care what they say to other people, or they’re just dead and no help at all. Eve was honestly a nasty brat, and I’m just calling it how I saw it. She demanded trust, and that’s not a good way to get people to actually trust you. She came up with a majority of five people, she assumed I’d vote out Kevin, and yes I lied a little (bc it’s survivor) but you’d think I literally had been working with her since Day One and stabbed her in the back. We had maybe 24 hours of conversation. If I lied to Kevin, I’d feel terrible. You think I feel bad lying to someone I only talked to once who planted a five person majority without my main ally in it? Like, for real? It makes no sense. Landen doesn’t like lying either like....alright go do you homework and stop playing survivor then. DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? And the funny thing is, all of these people lied to me. Eve went behind my back. Jacob sent screenshots (which is cheating but somehow I’m here and he’s not) to Sammy. Sammy literally didn’t tell me he had an advantage and told me he didn’t know about Juls advantage. Landen Said he voted Jacob. Pete said he didn’t know the plan. Kevin, I’m hoping he was honest because he’s the only reason I’m happy I played this game. Kevin is SO nice and so genuine, I hope it’s not an act for the game but I know I put him THROUGH IT this round so I’m contemplating just giving up, for his sake, because if I come back it’s likely gonna be..a bit of a mess for him. I know I might need to come back to save Kevin and Jacob, moreso Kevin bc Jacob can go kick rocks. Anyway back to Sammy for a second. I’ve always seen Sammy as this nice little man who is so kind, but I REALLY saw an ugly side of him this round. Like, I don’t think I’ll ever see him the same again. I hope he loses to literally anyone. I don’t think he deserves to win and out of everyone I’m most mad at him. He’s a hypocrite who can make you feel bad you lied to protect yourself from him because he lied to you first, and sure that helps in Survivor but that’s downright ugly and I don’t respect that at all. He lied to me CONTINUOUSLY throughout the day, leaking every word I said to Eve. Only to be mad at me because I lied to him...to misdirect his idol? TO MISDIRECT HIS IDOL HE DIDNT EVEN TELL ME ABOUT BECAUSE HE DIDNT TRUST ME. And for him to try to pull an apology out from me and make me feel bad...sit down. Nobody makes me feel bad or can twist my emotions like that so, nice try. And in such an obvious and public manner like...who taught you to be the way you are lmao. That’s so rude. I hope he loses is the point. Honestly I’m kind of like over playing and I know juls really has a fire in her heart to continue playing with these god awful people who have snaked us. She’s a little queen and I hope she wins it if I can’t, because she deserves to! My plan is to just hold on until Jacob drops (assuming it’s pressure cooker) and then decide there if I want to go in or not. I also want to put out a disclaimer that I’m ranting about everyone else bc I’m mad but I know I fucked up, too. I lied way too much for unecessary reasons that seemed necessary at the time with advantages in play. I trusted people based on personal knowledge of their heart and how kind they are, which was wrong. Jacob and Sammy both showed me their ugly sides, and I showed mine as well so I mean I’m not going to sit here and act innocent. I can see EACH mistake I made and how I could have played better. I hope Sammy and Jacob both get premerge, hope Landen gets yeeted into the sun, or a lesson in manners bc lord knows he doesn’t have any and just wants to be that That Iconic Newbie that newsflash nobody wants to cast again, and I hope juls prospers if I fail at the arena challenge. Manifest manifest manifest. I literally feel like in my brain there is no possible way I’m going to be back in this game and if I do come back, I’m just going to get voted out again. So it’s a hard choice deciding if I want to or not. I promised Juls I’d outlast Jacob B but after that, I’m not sure. I feel like I don’t even have it in me, because if I really saw a chance at winning. I just feel like I’ve made a fool of myself and let men make a fool out of me, and it’s time to go home, rest, recuperate and come back to kick ass another day. 

So we had a live tribal last night and everything is a MESS now! It's my birthday and so I'm trying to stay in a good mood and not think about the game, but honestly, stuff is pretty stressful. My plan WAS to take out Eve the whole time, I was fully on board with it and I do believe it was the right move for me at the time. Unfortunately Nicole decided to go insane and blow up the entire plan by telling Jacob and having everything blow up at tribal council which is just... ugh. It made it clear she was trying to rebuild the majority and force the power structure back in place, so that's why I had to make sure she went home. She showed unreliability and a willingness to turn that I couldn't have in the game, that's the whole reason I wanted to take out Eve. Because I need allies in this game who will work with me and who have interest in working with ME. Nicole seemed like she could be a useful person in the game, but as soon as her fight with Jacob ended and they started to try and take control again, it was too late. I had to get rid of her. Sadly she'll probably come back from the arena and that's going to make things... Messy. It's going to become a game of who can use Sammy the best, and I just hope I can win that game. But I've told him too many lies and that comes off hypocritical. It sucks because I feel guilty about it, AND hopeless in the game. But I dunno. We'll just have to see. Not to mention I lost Juls somehow, and EVERYONE seems to be shocked that she was voted out. That is not good for my game at all as she was somebody I was really relying on and also I just love her. So losing her absolutely sucks. I'm really hoping she can come back from the Arena. The game is turning into a downward spiral for me and fast. People are predicting a swap, and at that point, it's the best I can hope for. I got Eve with me now on the brightside, and I know I could reel in Caeleb, Jordan, probably even Ben.... Things are getting very bloody very quickly in a game as competitive as this one, and I just pray I can wind up on the right side of things with a swap. Being on the bottom this time was deadly and detrimental to my game - I have played extremely hard, cutthroat, fierce, and overall just like.. WELL. Not to toot my own horn but I have played VERY good on both Sonkei and Miraitowa, and there's a lot on my resume for if I do manage to make it to the end. But if I keep just giving everything 120% and making these power moves and making enemies and such as I go, I'll have no chance. I really need a stage in the game where I can sit back and kind of just relax and be this UTR force, that people aren't taking so much notice of. Form more social bonds. Also, fuck the olympic idol hunt or whatever. I suck at it but other people have gotten so many advantages. EEP!

I was about to be super proud of the fact that this was the earliest I made a confessional in a round all game, just to realize its still only 5 hours before the deadline so like is that even good? long story short I had to fuck over jacob this round which sucked cause i loved jacob but we went to too many tribals and like... im running out of options. I made a new alliance of me emma stoner and sarah which like lowkey is a good call because we have one person from 4/5 starting tribes we are as well connected to each other as we can be right now. I need us to swap not cause I would go home, I genuinly think if we kept losing I could get down on this tribe to just me and one more person if needed but like... can we not I'm so tired. Bring on the swap, i need new people to manipulate!

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && carson

WHEN: january 25th-27th.

DESCRIPTION:��the saga of carson and raelynn over the past few days - in text message form.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst, sex mention,  death mention

@carsonreyes

carson

uhhhh I think we should talk

raelynn.

who is this?

carson

it’s carson, raelynn.

raelynn.

idk what we have to talk about.

i haven't even seen you in idk how long.

carson

so then what’s the issue.

raelynn.

the same issue as before.

carson

then let’s talk

raelynn.

what's there to say that hasn't been said

carson

can’t we move past this

raelynn.

idk can you undo all the damage you left?

carson

can I try

raelynn.

You don't even know me anymore.

carson

then I’ll get to know you again

raelynn.

That's if I let you.

carson

you’re really just going to let us hate each other

we’ve both grown, cmon

raelynn.

i don't trust you.

carson

that’s valid

that’s why I’m trying to fix it

raelynn.

why now.

carson

I just got back

raelynn.

yeah but you always had my number, apparently

carson

actually

I had to ask for it

raelynn.

who gave it to you

carson

Uhm

next question

raelynn.

was it delilah.

carson

no

It was wessy

raelynn.

ew

whatever i can't be mad at him

carson

so

are you gonna let me get to know you again

raelynn.

do i have to decide today

carson

yes <3

raelynn.

that's not fair.

carson

neither is calling me out in the gc

raelynn.

you can't compare that to cheating on me for months and then dumping me for the other girl

carson

it wasn’t for months

and it wasn’t for some other girl

raelynn.

choose your words carefully bc if you say that i was the problem and the reason you cheated on me / broke up with me i'll block you.

carson

no I take full responsibility for the cheating and being a dick

raelynn.

yeah, and i was the last to know, and then you broke up with me and you were all over social media with that girl like days later.

carson

it wasn’t days

and you were the only one to know

raelynn.

you're right i think it maybe was only one day

carson

it was like a month

raelynn.

still too soon. still sus. still dated me and said you loved me and wanted to marry. me for 2 years.

carson

I did!

raelynn.

and you cheated on me, so none of that was real.

carson

I did really love you raelynn

raelynn.

you don't do that to someone you love.

you don't lie to them and make them look stupid

carson

I know I know

raelynn.

so did you just. stop the minute you decided you wanted to fuck her.

carson

no I was just stupid and not thinking

raelynn.

you really messed me up like permanently i'll never be who i was again.

carson

I’m so sorry

raelynn.

so do you get why it's not fair to ask me to decide today whether or not you can be in my life?

carson

oh cmon it was a joke

I wouldn’t actual expect that of you

raelynn.

i never know what to take seriously with you honestly

carson

I’ll wait as long as it takes, raelynn

raelynn.

to what end?

carson

wym

raelynn.

what's the goal

carson

whatever you want

raelynn.

that's too vague. there has to be something that you want. otherwise you wouldn't bother.

carson

I just want to make things right

I’m not the devil

raelynn.

i mean, they do always say that the devil doesn't always have horns and shit. they say he's got gorgeous hair and piercing eyes, and he lures you in.

carson

oh come on raelynn

raelynn.

see that, that was a joke.

carson

wyd tomo

raelynn.

whatever i want during the day and then work in the evening.

i'm a cage dancer, tips are good.

[...] why

carson

do you wanna get coffee

raelynn.

is there a particular reason you want to?

carson

just to hang out we dont have to

raelynn.

I don't know.

carson

that's ok

raelynn.

But maybe.

You're not trying to mess with me?

carson

no

raelynn.

it's just that the last time we sat across from each other you were breaking up with me.

carson

i can't break up with you rn

raelynn.

i know. that's not what it's about.

carson

well

raelynn.

it's just. that's how little trust is here, carson.

carson

idk what im supposed to say

im gonna give you space

raelynn.

you're supposed to just say what you mean .

carson

i am!

raelynn.

[...] I'll meet you. But just coffee. Not coffee and then my place, not coffee and then your place, not coffee and a kiss.

carson

i just said coffee

raelynn.

I know what you said, I just want to be as clear as I can be.

carson

crystal clear

raelynn.

Good. Um. Noonish?

carson

noon works!!

raelynn.

maybe the starbucks around the block from wes? I go to that one a lot. The staff is nice.

carson

sure, sounds good!

raelynn.

and carson? i literally am gonna ask just one single thing of you, okay?

carson

yes maam

raelynn.

don't screw any of my friends.

carson

idk who ur friends are

raelynn.

ugh.

carson

give me names, raelynn

raelynn.

i'm an extremely popular woman!

carson

bruh

raelynn.

well, there's delilah even though she and i aren't speaking. there's lana, there's niamh, roman, landon, ivy (i hope, soon), spencer, echo, rue, jules. if i think of anyone else i'll let you know.

also wes, wes is my friend, he counts.

carson

ok spen and i have been friends way before

and im not gonna fuck wes

or delilah

raelynn.

you don't get to argue with my list, carson.

carson

ok

raelynn.

you wanna fuck spence or something?

carson

i didn't say that

i just said we were friends!

raelynn.

okay.

i swear to god carson, you've aged me 50 years.

carson

oooh 75 yrs old

that;s hot

raelynn.

hate you

carson

<3

raelynn.

...don't

carsonBOT01/25/2021

</3

raelynn.

you don't even mean that lmao

carson

says u

raelynn.

it's not like you came back for me or whatever

carson

carson: i came back because i wanted to

raelynn

yeah i figured.

carson

carson: and i had to

raelynn

you had to come back or you had to leave?

carson

both

raelynn

so why did you leave?

carson

uh idk if you wanna know that

raelynn

did you run away with the other girl.

carson

no

raelynn

so why.

carson

my mom died

raelynn

[...]

carson

so i went to stay with my dad

raelynn

shit. i'm sorry.

carson

an awakening of some sort

raelynn

i really loved her.

carson

 i did too

so yeah i went to california. saw my dad. lived out there

raelynn

and you had to come back because...?

carson

someone had to do something about the apartment and house

plus wes was practically begging me to come back home

raelynn

yeah i get that.

marie

but I’m here now

raelynn. 

did you miss me.

you don't have to answer that. it's stupid.

carson

of course I did

raelynn.

okay. idk why i wanted to know.

carson

idk either

raelynn.

idk it's stupid

[...]

carson

I’m so sorry

I have a meeting at noon I forgot about

raelynn.

if you're backpedaling just say so.

carson

I’m not

raelynn.

so why should I believe you when you texted to cancel 15 minutes before?

carson

I have one brain cell and it’s my dad’s assistant’s

raelynn.

Was Delilah just making fun of me in that chat for not remembering ivy

carson

what does this have to do with me

raelynn

bc if so, it looks like you joined in.

carson

again, what does this have to do with me

raelynn.

Bc you can't act like you wanna fix things with me in here and make fun of me out there. Doesn't work like that.

carson

I’ve only told Delilah to fix things with you

what are you talking about !!!!!

raelynn.

The fight yesterday! When I said I dont remember fighting with Ivy and everyone shat on me. Delilah was making fun of me when she was talking about not remembering anyone.

carson

yes, I am that cruel and think that deeply into things

raelynn.

I know exactly how cruel you can be dude and I may be a dumbass but I didn't forget that.

carson

it literally wasn’t a dig at you

I was mocking Delilah

raelynn.

Do you swear on my tits?

carson

I’m not doing that

raelynn.

No matter whats going on with us i know you wouldn't risk them unless you're lying.

carson

oh my god

raelynn.

yeah I guess you're regretting this decision now

carson

you literally make me regret opening my mouth jfc

raelynn.

You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to.

carson

fine!

raelynn.

Fine.

carson

read

[...]

carson

hi

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hi.

carson

im sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

for?

carson

being dumb

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't want to play games anymore. i'm a grownup.

carson

i thought we were 12

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

carson

carson

raelynn

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

can you be serious

carson

how serious

i would like to not be serious rn im trying to figure out this living situation

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

like above the age of 12 serious

carson

how's 16?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

gah, ok

carson

<3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i told you not to do that

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and you're not heartbroken so that's just a lie emoji

carson

dont tell me how im feeling

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

fine, you're not heartbroken over me

carson

don't tell me tht

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but it's the truth, isn't it?

carson

no

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm going to be very honest. if you are messing with me i cannot handle it. it hurts. so if you are messing with me right now, don't. ok?

carson

why would i be messing with you

do you want me to try to make things right

you can tell me no and ill quite literally just fuck off

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

[...] you can try.

carson

ok

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

...ok?

carson

im trying!!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

your ok texts are just weird omg

carson

it's literally an ok text

what would u like me to say

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm not mad or anything

about that

carson

please

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

pls what

carson

im trying so hard right now

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay, okay.

i accept your apology. For being dumb.

carson

thank u

one person has today

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

who else did u piss off?

carson

you still live at the same place

have u eaten

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i moved but not far.

why?

carson

i was gonna send u dinner from that italian place

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Alfredo's Pizza Cafe?

carson

yes maam

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

that would be nice.

do u remember my order?

carson

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

*drops pin*

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

this is where i live now. it's slightly bigger than the old place. i have space to put my shoes finally.

carson

moving on up

it should be there in 10

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thanks, all i had today was hot chocolate and gum.

carson

why

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you know how i sometimes get an anxious tummy

carson

yeah :/

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah i was feeling queasy

but i'm feelin a little better.

carson

that’s good </3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you don't gotta broken heart emoji about it, really.

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

well i see your broken heart emoji and raise you a *peach emoji*

carson

are u working tonight

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Why?

carson

do you want to grab dinner before?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are you sure?

carson

yes, no meetings

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

then yeah, okay. I go into work at 7. So whatever time works for you before then probs works for me too.

carson

okay! 5 work?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah that'll be fine, where should i meet u?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I picked a table towards the back I hope that's chill.

carson

yes!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ok see you in a bit.

[...]

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

is it true.

carson

is what true

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

what sabrina said.

carson

yes

I wish I was dating my king

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

idk what the second part means but that's all i wanted to know. bye.

carson

I just wanted to fix things I never said anything about getting together

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i didn't say i wanted to?

carson

then why are you upset

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc i knew something like this would happen but i didn't think it would happen literally the week you came back. i'm blindsided. you could've said something to me last night.

carson

we talked after

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but i still didn't get like a text or anything? i had to find out from the chat as if we didn't decide to work on this. and it feels shitty.

carson

why would you get a text

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

because we were allegedly friends.

and you were gonna be honest with me.

but in any case, it doesn't really matter. i sincerely hope that you're happy. i'm gonna take some space for myself for right now, though.

[punk-rock-pixie]

Y'all literally don't shut up about them, so just.... DO THEM ALL. ALL THE FUCKING QUEEN ASKS (Ps. Y'all would be cute with young Brian May and MAYBE Roger Taylor but mostly Bri. Okay bye)

Lord… Okay. I guess I did say that I would answer them all at once. I just wasn’t expecting someone to do it.

(Also aw. lmao)

I’m gonna do it all under the cut.

Who would you dance with if you got the chance?

When you say dance what do you mean? Slow, fun, or like??? Idk. Probably John Deacon

Whose voice do you like least of the 3 singing members of the band?

I DON’T I LOVE THEM ALL PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE.

In your opinion what is the worst outfit any of them ever wore?

Hard Life. It’s rediculous and I love it. (Actually highkey would totally wear John or Brian’s costumes lmao)

If you could steal one of their features what would you take? (ie. Roger’s eyes, Brian’s hair, John’s butt, Freddie’s stache etc.)

Roger’s Eyes. I don’t think I’d look good with the other two lmao

Have you ever seen Highlander or Flash Gordon?

I’ve seen Flash a couple times. It’s super bad lmao

Is there a Queen song you really don’t like? If so what is it?

Is it a cop out to say some stuff from Hot Space? I really don’t enjoy much off Hot Space other than maybe Cool Cat.

Do you know how to boil an egg?

I don’t, but I’m sure a quick google search will tell me.

Opinion of Hot Space

I guess I answered this one, but I’m not a huge fan. Given what was being done behind the scenes at the time.

If you were friends with the band who would you go to for comfort?

TRICK QUESTION. I internalize all my problems because I cannot burden people lmao

What Queen song can you absolutely not skip even if you’re not in the mood for it?

‘39 and Good ol Fashioned Lover Boy

I’m In Love with My Car. Love it or Hate it?

A jam ™ lmao

Do you play Scrabble?

Not often but my sis and I do sometimes. I love that the band did that while on tour.

Who has the best fashion sense in the band?

All? All of them… 

If you could meet any of the three living band members (including sneaky Deaky) who would you choose to meet?

Brian. He’s been such an inspiration to me and his solos were the reason I began playing in the first place.

If you had to pick an inanimate object to have a crush on would it be a car or a guitar? (Yes, I’m poking fun at Brian and Rog)

I’m already mocked for being in love with my music so defs guitar.

Have you been inspired to pursue something musical because of Queen?

Literally all of my music career.

Millionaire Waltz or Dreamer’s Ball?

BOTH?

If you were friends with the band who do you think would come to you for comfort or advice?

I’m not sure. I feel like John might, but it’s hard to say. People generally seem to open up a lot to me because I am a listener but?????

Do you want to be a penguin when you grow up?

Always. Slide on my belly and avoid financial problems? Hell yeah.

Who do you think is the best looking member of the band?

UH. Brian. Uhm. I haven’t had a crush on him for over half my life lmaooo Although Roger was and still is a very pretty person lmao

Opinion on Queen + Adam Lambert

It’s not Freddie, and it never will be. However, Lambert is very talented and I am so excited to see them in Concert this summer! I’m sure they will be great

F**k, Marry, Kill… go!

UH. UHHHH. 

Fuck Rog

Marry Brian

Kill Paul lmao????

Favorite outfit worn by any of them

I love their Radio Ga Ga outfits so much, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”, and Brian’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” look. Also there’s an early look from Roger that makes me cry when I see it, but I don’t remember what tour it was

This is them respectively:

Is there a song by Queen that you feel is overrated?

Not completely, but I feel there are some very UNDERrated songs

Have you seen Queen in any form? (With Freddie or Adam or Paul)

Nope, but seeing them in summer!!!

Do you follow any of the band on social media?

Of course I do lmao

Do you own any Queen albums and on what format are they? (Vinyl, tape, cd, etc)

I don’t actually, but I listen non stop on spotify lmao

Freddie with or without the ‘stache?

I think the stache was a very iconic look, but I love them both.

Favorite song written by Freddie?

Defs “I was Born to Love You” 

John with long hair or short?

Short. 

Favorite John song?

I love “You’re my Best Friend” because he wrote it for his wife, and it makes me so happy

Do you like badgers?

They p rad

Favorite Brian written song?

Driven by You or ‘39 defs

Rog with or without sun/glasses?

Defs without. He has a nice face

Favorite Roger song?

It’s lowkey not good, but I love it so much “Future Management” Aka (You don’t need nobody else but me)

Do you think you could beat any of them at Scrabble?

Not at all

Do you think you could out drink any of them?

DEFS NOT. I am such a light drinker. One swig of (probably aged) vodka was enough to put me out lmao

Whose house would you choose to live in?

idk I never went to their houses?

Thoughts on the song 39?

I think I’ve made it clear lmao

Do you like cats?

Very much!

Do you like kids?

I just get anxious around them

Do you like space?

VERY MUCH

Do you like cars?

I was never quite able to, but my dad is and so was one of my exes which is where I get me (very minimal knowledge)

Favorite album?

Great fuckin question

Who has the nicest eyes in the band?

You already fuckin know but also they all do! Especially when they all smile. 

If you could go back in time to any concert they ever performed, which would it be?

I would love to see Wembley or Liveaid tbh, but I’d also love to see when they just start after Smile.

Do you think John Deacon will ever come out of hiding?

Not sure, and I think we should 100% respect him and his family and his privacy tbh??? Like??? Let him live.

Who do you think will outlive the rest?

Brian probably because he bikes so much.

Do you prefer pre or post synth Queen?

I’m okay with both! I think they’re both good for different reasons!

If you could tell any one band member something (including Freddie) who would it be and what would you say?

Of course Brian. I would thank him (and the rest of the band) for inspiring me so much. Probs about the story of first hearing them on the radio and listening to those solos and saying that I wanted to do that. Idk. 

Realistically, I’d probably be trying not to cry and make a fool of myself and ultimately fail…

OKAY THAT WAS ONE DOWN….

Bohemian Rhapsody - What matters to you more than anything in the world?

My music and my friends probs?

Don’t Stop Me Now - What makes you feel unstoppable?

Hitting belt notes perfectly

Another One Bites The Dust - What one thing would you wipe off the face of the earth?

Mosquitoes and homophobes

Under Pressure - How stressed are you currently?

Not particularly. Just tired

We Will Rock You - What was the last concert you went to?

It was Anne Wilson, Rick Springfield, and (I think his name is) Jeff Beck. Went with my family over summer

Somebody To Love - Are you looking for somebody to love?

I have someone. I’m polyamorous, but I’ve very happy with the person I’m with!

We Are The Champions - What achievement are you most proud of?

Still staying passionate about my music no matter what.

Radio GaGa - What do you think of today’s popular music?

I respect the artists but I’m more into oldies.

I Want To Break Free - If you could move to any part of the world, where would you want to live?

NOT BECAUSE OF QUEEN I SWEAR. I’M NOT BEING SARCASTIC But I’d love to move to England. I was there when I was 13 and I fell in love with it. Either there or the LA area

Love Of My Life - Have you ever had your heart broken?

More times than I’d like to admit lmao

Killer Queen - What is your favourite thing about yourself?

my resilience 

The Show Must Go On - What is something you will never give up?

Music. 100%

Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Name some of your favourite musicians.

You mean other than Queen? Lmao. I’m a fan of Heart, Fleetwood Mac, Cheap Trick, Beatles…. oldies lmao Also Fell in love with a ghost is really good. 

Who Wants To Live Forever - If you could be immortal, would you?

I don’t think so… I think I would get bored and like it can also get really sad yknow?

Fat Bottomed Girls - What are some traits you look for in a partner?

TREAT ME LIKE A DAMN HUMAN, make me laugh, be passionate and outspoken, COMMUNICATE…. 

Superficially, I’m generally partial to people being taller than me (even though my partner is shorter lmao) and other musicians (so long as they are humble cuz bitch I can do that too)

I Want It All - If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?

To live comfortably and have good mental health.

OKAY WE HAVE ONE MORE….

1) Brian’s fluffy hair or Deaky’s fluffy hair?

Brian lmao

2) How do you feel about Freddie’s 1976 brushed back hair?

What a look tm

3) Roger’s drum solos or Brian’s Guitar solos?

Of course the guitar solos. Though, I can appreciate the drums as well

4) Favourite member of Queens entourage over the years?

Unsure?

5) Most underrated Freddie look?

Idk that it’s underrated but oof those Harlequin days. Also that one sequin jumpsuit is such a look. 

6) would you rather work on Freddie and Rogers Kensington Market stall or go to Uni with Brian?

I think the stall because going to uni… There’s a lotta kids and the likelihood of seeing the same person twice unless your schedules match up is pretty impossible. Plus I’m a psych major not astrophysics lmao

7) Ben Hardy or Joe mazzello?

I love Joe more than I love many people.

8) Who do you think looks/acts the most like their irl counterpart in Borhap?

Definitely Gwilym. He looks so much like Brian I literally had to double take once or twice. Also if Joe does the specific pout he defs looks like Deacon

9) Which era of Roger is your favourite?

Early 70s fluffy boy

10) Who has the best shirtless look?

… MOVING ON

11) favourite cast member overall?

Definitely Joe

12) Jim and Freddie or John and Veronica?

I love them all. 

13) Whose spouse would you most like to marry?

I wouldn’t, but I wanna be best friends with Anita Dobson (Brian’s current wife)

14) Who is the bigger Thot, Roger or Freddie?

Deacon.

15) Live with Joe or marry Ben?

Live with Joe. I wanna be his best friend. I’m not at all into Ben actually. Cool guy though!

16) Who do you think is the most charismatic out of the cast?

They all are I think. I definitely think Joe is one of the more outspoken of the four, but????

17) Twink Roger or badass grandad Roger?

BOTH. BOTH ARE GOOD.

18) Brian and space or Brian and music?

Uh. Space music.

19) What is your favourite photo of the whole band?

THERE IS THIS PHOTO FROM EARLY 70s

I FOUND IT ‘73! They all just look so happy and ughh I love them.

Also this one. I LOVE WHEN THEY SMILE.

20) Purple rain or superfreak?

Superfreak. Purple rain was overplayed for me after Prince died I think.

21) What element of your life is most queen-esque?

I’m not sure. Probably the clothes I (can’t afford) want to wear

22) If you had to choose any year to tour with queen, which one and why?

Early to mid 70s. When they just start out. Idk Just seeing their improvement over the years would make me so happy.

23) Which John Deacon shirt in Bohemian Rhapsody is the best?

That one. Also I love the Liveaid look because I love button ups.

24) Is I’m in love with my car a good song?

Answered

25) Which section of the ‘I want to break free’ music video is the best?

The sit com part I think

26) moustache Freddie or Stubble Freddie?

Uhm unsure

27) Bearded Bri or clean shaven Bri?

Clean shave. He looks great with a beard- don’t get me wrong. But oof. Clean shaved guys….

28) What Freddie outfit should have been in the movie?

Harlequin always

29) Brian and Gwylim or Roger and Ben?

DO NOT MAKE ME CHOOSE LIKE THAT.

30) Ben Hardy playing the drums whilst smoking or Roger spinning drumsticks?

Roger spinning drumsticks. “WE’RE SAVING YOUR LIFE, BEN”

31) What is your favourite aspect of John Deacons personality?

He’s such a humble person- they all can be. And also just how snarky and silly he can be.

32) Who worked the fringe best, Freddie or John?

Undecided

33) Joe’s Instagram or Luke Deacons Twitter?

FUCKIN UHHHHHHHHH Both are fucking iconic. Let me be both of their best friends. When do I get to meet them.

34) Which of Roger’s kids is your favourite?

Tigerlily

35) What was your most Freddie Mercury moment?

Unsure

36) What Queen song would you most like to fall asleep to?

I’ve fallen asleep to Brian May/Kerry Ellis’s “Love of my life”

37) who has the best solo album?

Unsure… I think Brian defs but still. 

38) If you could see the cast recreate any live performance what would it be and why?

LIVEAID AND ‘39

39) Who would beat a shark in a fight, Joe or Ben?

Ben probs. 

40) Which queen song would you play at your funeral?

BITCH BETTER PLAY SHOW MUST GO ON AND DON’T STOP ME

41) Do you think the script did Freddie justice and if not what would you change?

For being  a biopic and not documentary I think it did very well! Of course it isn’t gonna be completely accurate, but I think it did a good job of showing both sides of Freddie. 

42) What is the best thing about listening to Rami talk about Freddie?

ALL. He just speaks so passionately.

43) Roger’s lime green trousers or John’s Arrow suit?

YES.

44) Does Gwylim suit a beard more than Brian?

Personally I think Gwil does, but I also like no beards on both. 

45) What Chaotic Roger story is your favourite?

“ONE AND THREE-SEVENTHS SUGAR” and also pinching Brian’s butt in an interview

46) Which one of Freddie’s cats are you most like?

ALL

47) Which BoRhap scene is most like you?

Probably them in the farm talking about the songs they wrote. 

48) Which member of queen and which cast member has the most chaotic energy?

Joe all the way

49) What is your favourite queen related memory?

The first time I saw the Bo Rhap trailor I nearly cried. I was also sobbing  the whole first watch through

50) How many times have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody?

Upwards of 5

JESUS

[nxctvrnaltrippyhippie-blog]

Getting to know some of me

1: Name: Danny 2: Age: 19 3: 3 Fears: Lonliness, Death, Waste 4: 3 things I love: Adventures, Food, Doggiess 5: 4 turns on: Talkative, Compassionate, Different 6: 4 turns off: Close minded, Two-Faced, Selfish 7: My best friend: No one.. 8: Sexual orientation: Tbh, I only fall in love with woman but the pleasure of what a man holds for some reason turns me on 😞 but once it happens at the end i feel disgusted and dont even wanna look at him .-. Nor fall in love. The desire pops up but to love a guy no.. sounds weird but trust, it even confuses me.. 9: My best first date: Honestly wish someone would ask ME out for once ;-; it would be the best just having someone ask me o": 10: How tall am I: 5'1 ;-; 11: What do I miss: Enjoying life 12: What time were I born: What is this 13: Favorite color: Omg 14: Do I have a crush: Yeah.. i guess.. its weird..😞 15: Favorite quote: not sure atm 16: Favorite place: my beddddd or in cuddles 17: Favorite food: ITALIAN 18: Do I use sarcasm: No i rather speak to people in precise terms when they ask “what” to a dumb question. Jk, hell yeah im sarcastic. 19: What am I listening to right now: Empty Camps by Cemeteries 20: First thing I notice in new person: Personality or Smile. 21: Shoe size: 7 22: Eye color: Brown 23: Hair color: Black 24: Favorite style of clothing: My own kind of style 😋 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes 😑 27: Meaning behind my URL: I like psychedelics and weed and i love to love, plus i dont sleep 😂 28: Favorite movie: I dont really watch movies tbh 29: Favorite song: Luna of Claiming 30: Favorite band: Circa Survive 31: How I feel right now: Crazy 32: Someone I love: My dog ;-; 33: My current relationship status: She isn’t my gf and she is straight.. i am in love with her i guess…. i guess.. but she does not feel the same.. but she wouldn’t like it if i saw other people.. 😞im so dumb but its really confusing. 34: My relationship with my parents: My dad was abusive and me and my mom are alright, just not close like some moms and daughters are lol. Its weird. 35: Favorite holiday: Does the Fall count 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: Tattoo on my neck of 3 purple moons, Gages, and i have my mouth and nose pierced many times but i fucked them up or school in the past (bitchass dresscode) 😭 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: Split tongue, eyebrow, cheekbones, Chest piece idea i had since 8th grade, moon and sun on my arms with falling stars ending the shoulders, sunflower on my leg with an eye, many ideas tbh 😂 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: Stop posting my feelings and personal thoughts and agreements on other media with friends who just see me as a depressed whiney little baby so now they think im better cuz i stopped expressing to them how i feel ((: now they complain i dont talk and i need to.. too late. Thought i could trust them and that i would never be a burden how they arent for me .. i was wrong and for that here i am. But god i do love tumblr and i dont regrer it. 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Yes.. she doesn’t care about me and never did. How she ended it showed that evil shit i didnt want to see. Now idk.. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? From lucero sometimes.. 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Yeah. 42: When did I last hold hands? I dont know 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Just to get ready i could get ready in like 5 minutes but if i have all morning ill spend it all changing outfits till my whole closet is rampaged 😭 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Not in MONTHS 😂 45: Where am I right now? My bed 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Lucero..? My mom..? 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOOOOUUUUD 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mom and stepdad 49: Am I excited for anything? I guess art if i make it 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? No XD aint no dude wanna hear about my feelings unless he likes me lmfao 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Everyday /: 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Idk 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Idk… it would break me.. but i should have seen it coming if it did .. 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? No.. idk.. 55: What is something I disliked about today? Everything.. 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? My love. 57: What do I think about most? Being happy 58: What’s my strangest talent? I honestly don’t know lol 59: Do I have any strange phobias? Bugs bugs bugs ugh i reeeeallly hate bugs 😭 im scared a camera watches me idk if thats a phobia. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Either or 61: What was the last lie I told? Im doing good c: 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chatting maybe idk maybe a call tbh idk ill freak out unless i known you foreverrrrr i csnt talk on the phone with anybody tbh. Or even talk idk Dx 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? YESSS 64: Do I believe in magic? YESSS 65: Do I believe in luck? Sometimes 66: What’s the weather like right now? HOTTER THAN SATANS BALLS IN CALI 67: What was the last book I’ve read? Milk and Honey 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yesss /.0 69: Do I have any nicknames? Le Dan Dan, Dannehhhh, Mac Daddy Danny, Nena 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Brain 😂 71: Do I spend money or save it? SPEND 😭🔫 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Nah ): 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? No 0.0 74: Favorite animal? PUPPERRRRS 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? I don’t remember 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Satan Natas 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Capital Cities Safe and Sound 😂 78: How can you win my heart? Be there for me, take me on adventures, love me when i cant and let me love you when you feel you can’t.. be crazy wildin with me lmao. Patience with me. 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Idk ): 80: What is my favorite word? “Nah” 😂 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: idunno ;^; 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Treat me the same way i treat you, and we will see. 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that i know of 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Self-trip on my own without needing tabs 😂 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? How do you feel 86: What is my current desktop picture? Ganja girl animation. 87: Had sex? Yes 88: Bought condoms? Yes 89: Gotten pregnant? Noooooo 90: Failed a class? Many 91: Kissed a boy? Yes 92: Kissed a girl? Yessssssss 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yes 😭 94: Had job? Yommmp 95: Left the house without my wallet? Many times 96: Bullied someone on the internet? Fuck no .-. 97: Had sex in public? Yes 😂 98: Played on a sports team? No 99: Smoked weed? ALL DAYY ERRDAYY 100: Did drugs? Why yes 101: Smoked cigarettes? Still do 102: Drank alcohol? Once in a while 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? MEAT LOVERRRR, Althought respect for vegetarians/vegans 104: Been overweight? Yeah. 105: Been underweight? Idk lol 106: Been to a wedding? Noo e.e 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Maybe 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? No 109: Been outside my home country? Once but mexico =.= 110: Gotten my heart broken? Yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game? Yeah i think 112: Broken a bone? Helll nooo 113: Cut myself? Yeah 114: Been to prom? Lol no i didnt go 115: Been in airplane? Fuuuuuuck noo 116: Fly by helicopter? I wishh 117: What concerts have I been to? Too anxious to attend one 😞 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Of course 😂 119: Learned another language? Yeee 120: Wore make up? Yes 😑 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yeah ); 122: Had oral sex? Yepppp 123: Dyed my hair? Hellll yeeee 124: Voted in a presidential election? Yomp 125: Rode in an ambulance? Many times 126: Had a surgery? Nopee 127: Met someone famous? Nopee 128: Stalked someone on a social network? Yeah xDDx 129: Peed outside? No e.e 130: Been fishing? No ;-; 131: Helped with charity? I am charity jk 132: Been rejected by a crush? Yeahh once xD 133: Broken a mirror? Yes ._. 134: What do I want for birthday? Loveeee Send me some? <3