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fellamarsh · 2 months ago

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another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

#my god the library. darling. beloved. breath of my life and heart of my soul.#i should make a post about her #also. and maybe i'll make a separate post about this at some point too #but i truly think the free serialized webnovel rough draft ala What Manner of Man is The Future #i should probably make a whole separate post about all these novels too tbh.#boutta become Posting Guy. The Guy Who Posts #and writes novels in the tags. but i've always been like that #i never talked about the dream i had where i was emry karic from the lutesong series did i? i totally meant to. fucked up!#so i had a dream where i was emry karic.#I (emry karic) was fleeing a bunch of elves in a forest with my mom and sister (who were fully my irl mom and sister)#they thought i had done a murder and were chasing me (emry karic) with spears and stuff. they almost caught me #but i managed to escape. later i came upon a weird old-timey fantasy carnival.#and for some reason one of the fun attractions at this carnival was A Day in Court #where you watch someone defend themselves in court.#you'll never guess who had to defend himself in court and what the charges were!#notably there were no other characters from the lutesong series involved.#and i also have yet to read any of the books in the lutesong series. emry and his flower crown simply invaded my brain out of nowhere #i thought about turning this post into separate posts or rewriting it or smthn because it's so long and all over the place but #that sort of defeats the whole trying to just post and not be so up my own ass about it that i never actually post thing #so here you go #if you are also someone who struggles or once struggled with reading other people's stuff because of self esteem issues. hi!#we're now spidermen pointing at each other

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owoshrike · 1 year ago

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The One with the Flower Shop

(or an attempted gonami/nanago flowershop au drabble)

The sounds of the bustling city were barely muted through the glass of the windows, drowned out by the soft chiming of the radio station droning through the building. Satoru yawned loudly as he finished placing the last potted plant in the display case, shutting the door and putting the latch on. The man turned his head over to where the radio rested on the counter by the register, his mouth pursing as he made a thoughtful hum.

“Don’t even think about it, asshole.”

His mouth only spread out into a playful grin as his gaze trailed up to the pink haired man standing not too far from the radio, those sharp ruby eyes glaring daggers at him from their peripheral while his hands continued the task of counting out the money of their register.

Well, one of his hands at least.

The other hand was currently occupied by the tot that shared a striking resemblance to him. Right now, the little baby was playing with the man’s fingers like they were the most interesting thing in the world, pushing and pulling them apart while babbling so seriously about a topic that only held his interest. Satoru chuckled as he waltzed over to the counter with his hands in his pockets. “You shouldn’t curse around him, you know! Babies have an impressive memory, and he might grow up to be just as mean and grumpy as you are!”

Sukuna rolled his eyes and Satoru was convinced that they were going to pop out of his head from the action. “He’s not even paying attentio- OW!”

Satoru cackled as the man hissed and turned to glare at the baby that started biting on his finger, that one lone tooth that was pushing through his gums digging its way into his finger. He dislodged his finger and pulled his hand back, ignoring the whining cries the other was making. “I told you no more biting on my fingers, brat! It’s not my fault you threw your damn teething ring in the car.”

The pair then launched themselves into a half-hearted tug-of-war match, Satoru leaning his hip against the counter as he watched with amusement. Yuuji’s little brows scrunched in concentration and his cheeks puffed up as he pulled Sukuna’s hand towards him, his little feet scooting on the counter. The little baby huffed when Sukuna allowed his hand to come close to his face but whined when the man pulled it back with a snicker. With a smile that displayed all his teeth, Satoru placed his hands on the baby’s sides. “Sending in backup for my dear, Yuuji-chan!” he said, tugging the giggling baby back. “We’ll defeat the accursed king!”

Sukuna scowled and pulled his hand with more force since Satoru joined in but, to the white-haired man’s joy, his partner couldn’t keep it on his face for long as he saw how much the baby was enjoying the game. Even with his loud laughter and teasing words (“Such a nasty and cruel king, he is!” and “We’ll overthrow him together, Yuuji-chan!”) Satoru could tell that even the grump before him was thoroughly amused.

“Ba!” Yuuji shouted before he began to angle his body to crawl towards his father. Sukuna smirked and snaked his arm around the baby’s waist as his foot began to scoot, pulling him closer and sitting him upright again.

“Ohhhh no. I said you’re only allowed on the counter if you sit still,” he scolded lightly, pressing a kiss to the crown of his son’s head. The little baby gave a defiant wiggle, but Sukuna held fast, much to the white-haired man’s entertainment. Sukuna held his hand in front of Yuuji and tapped his finger against the baby’s lips. He did it repeatedly listening to the silly noises that bubbled from his son’s lips, the sounds delving into a giggle as Yuuji grabbed hold of his finger. Sukuna sighed and let him go back to gumming (occasionally biting) his finger. He pressed another kiss to the baby’s head before looking back at Satoru, frowning immediately when he caught those crystal blue eyes and shit eating grin. “What?”

“Oh nothing! Just that I never would’ve thought fatherhood would look good on you,” Satoru said with a laugh, twirling around the counter so that he was standing behind it with the other man. He was unphased when the other flipped him off so effortlessly in between his counting of the money, the older man opening the register for his partner to place the money back in. Once done, he took out his cell phone and opened the website for their store. “We’re going to be quite busy today though thankfully they were all call-in orders. Everything ready in the back?”

Sukuna hummed in agreement, nonchalantly tossing his head in the direction of their storeroom. “Everything except Mei’s order was completed,” he said, slowly removing his hand from Yuuji’s grasp. “Her bouquets are almost done but we ran out of the purple wrap that she wanted them wrapped in. I tried to order them to the store, but the damn app was acting up, so now I have to go pick them up.”

Satoru noticed how Yuuji’s hands reached into the air when his father pulled away, the taller man cooing and reaching out to scoop the baby into his arms. He held the other up and his heart swelled when the little boy giggled. “Then I guess while you go fabric shopping, I’ll have my little tiger helper! That means I get to dock your pay too!” he said cheerfully, the tone of his voice making the baby emote along with him.

The Satoru-proclaimed drama queen that was his partner narrowed his eyes at the pair, his lips twisting into a sneer with little to no venom. “Can’t believe you’re turning my own spawn against me by giving him my pay. He hasn’t done an ounce of work in his short lifespan anyway!” he huffed, poking his finger against the squishy cheek of his son. “And you didn’t even refute it either. You truly are a brat.”

Satoru rolled his eyes and peeked over his glasses at the man. “Go on now before the crowd comes in to pick these orders up. Oh! And don’t forget to grab his ring out of the car while you’re out!” he called out to the tattooed man as he stepped away from the counter. There was a grumble of words as the man flipped him off over his shoulder, disappearing out the front door with a tingle of the shop bell. A beat of silence fell over the shop aside from the music playing lowly through the speakers and Satoru felt Yuuji shift in his arms. The baby kept his eyes on the man through the window until he disappeared around the corner, sniffling when he didn’t see him reappear.

“Ba…ba….”

With a small sigh, Satoru pressed the baby’s head to the crook of his neck, patting him on the back. “Hey hey now, your papa’s coming back, little tiger,” he said as he turned away from the counter and headed towards the shelf containing watering cans. “How about you help me water the display plants so that you can prove to papa that you earned your pay! That grump would be proud of you and he knows it!”

Upon seeing Satoru grab the elephant shaped watering can, Yuuji’s scrunched up face immediately brightened, and he gave an interested coo as his chubby hands reached out to the can. After (finally) changing the station on the radio to something more pop-oriented, Satoru carried the two over to the front window of the shop where most of the plants were settled. He allowed Yuuji’s hands to rest next to his one hand that held the can, encouraging the other to tip it until the small sprinkle of water came out over the plants. This routine was pretty much ingrained into Satoru by now, even with the addition of the bab in his hand.

To think that just a few months ago, he would’ve still been stuck in boring meetings with boring men. While it would’ve left him well cushioned (more than he already was), it wouldn’t have been fun.

He squawked when he felt cold water manage to hit him in the cheek, looking down to see Yuuji sticking his hands under the spray and catching some water before immediately shaking it around with a loud and joyous squeal. Satoru should’ve figured that there was going to be some form of a mess during this process. “Well, at least he’s getting most of it on the plants,” he mumbled with a shake of his head.

The jingle of the bell above the door made him perk up, a natural charming smile making its way onto his face as he turned to face the newcomer.

“Welcome to Nature’s Domain- “

Satoru felt the words lodge in his throat at the sight of the man who walked in. The man was handsome in his neatly pressed tan suit against his broad form, not a single thread or wrinkle out of place. He didn’t seem to notice Satoru at first until he slightly inclined his head to the direction of his voice, the glare from the window shielding his eyes underneath the (rather odd in Satoru’s opinion) sunglasses. His cheekbones were sharp and shaped his face in such a mature way that made him look older than Satoru. All topped off with short cut blonde hair with an undercut in the back.

It had been a while since Satoru would’ve called himself smitten.

There was a small clank sound as his grip went slack and the white-haired man suddenly remembered the tot that he was holding onto. He didn't realize his grip on the watering can loosened while he was blatantly ogling the man and the can was obviously too heavy for the baby to hold on his own.

“Oh, oh,” Yuuji mumbled, looking down to the can on the ground before looking up at Satoru. He babbled a bit and waved his hand in the direction of the can. “Oh, oh!”

Satoru looked down before looking back up at the man, who only arched one of his eyebrows silently. He laughed lightly as he knelt down to grab the can. “Sorry about that, little tiger!” he said as he straightened back up with the can in his grasp. “I thought you were ready to pull your own weight around here!”

It didn’t get a laugh out of the man, but he could’ve sworn those lips twitched upwards for a miniscule second in the corner. Satoru accepted that as a win.

“So! How can we help you today, sir?” he asked as he headed towards the counter, sliding to the other side and propping Yuuji on his hip. “Let me guess, you’re here to pick up an order?”

The other paused before nodding his head. “Yes, I am, in fact. It would be under the name Kento Nanami,” he replied, and Satoru swore he could listen to that voice for the rest of his life.

Satoru nodded and moved over to the register, sliding his hand across the touchscreen as he pulled up the order registry. It only took three swipes of his finger before he snapped his fingers once he located it. “There you are, Nanamin! And you’re one of the few folks who paid online too so I’ll just need to see your credit card to confirm,” he said with a grin.

There was a small tick in the man’s- ‘Nanami’, his mind supplied for him- brow but he stayed silent as he reached into his coat pocket to take out the small billfold wallet. It was small simple thing made of black weather and Satoru had to fight the urge to laugh at just how it seemed to fit the man. Once he had the card in his hand, he held it up to the screen to confirm their matching numbers before handing it back. Their fingers brushed as Satoru placed the card back in his hand, and he noticed with slight satisfaction how it caused the man to tense for a moment before he relaxed and put the card back into his wallet.

“Gotcha! Just give me a moment and I’ll get that bouquet out for you,” Satoru said as he walked over to the case that was to the right of the counter. It was stocked to the brim with numerous bouquets and small vases filled with different flowers, each row tagged with the according reserved name. Nanami’s was on the third shelf and Satoru remembered that he was the one who prepared this order. It was a simple thing really; pink and yellow roses with anemone and succulent all bound together with a nice colored ribbon. It wasn’t too big and could easily fit in a small slender vase.

Satoru carefully removed it from the case, making sure to keep it far enough out of Yuuji’s reach when the baby made an attempted reach for it. He went around the counter and, now that he was close enough, he noticed that he was taller than the other man by a good three or four inches. As he moved to hold the bouquet out for Nanami, he felt Yuuji squirm in his hold, the baby hiding his face in Satoru’s arm with a small giggle. He blinked and watched as the baby moved his face again…only to hide it back with a louder laugh. Satoru followed his line of sight and noticed that the baby was peeking at Nanami, who was staring at the little boy with a cocked brow.

Ah, he understood now.

“Well, here you go! One bouquet for the gentleman made by yours truly!” he flaunted as he held the bouquet out as one would do when courting someone.

Nanami nodded his thanks and moved to grab the flowers gingerly. Finally, Satoru was able to see the tired eyes hidden beneath the green lenses of his glasses and he wondered if he could ever be fortunate enough to see the color of those eyes. He watched as they glanced at the baby in his arm as Nanami stepped back, Yuuji squealing once he finally got attention and hid his face once more. Satoru couldn’t help the laugh this time, almost laughing harder at the way the man pursed his lips. “What?”

“Nothing! Just seems you’ve managed to make yourself his favorite customer in the span of three minutes!” Satoru said, waggling his eyebrows up and down.

“But I’ve hardly done anything other than stare at him,” Nanami said lowly with a roll of his eyes but still looked back to the baby. “I haven’t even said a word to him.”

Satoru smiled and moved to hold Yuuji out by his armpits. “You can start now since he seems so fascinated with you! Say hi to Nanamin, Yuuji!”

The baby blinked as he gazed at Nanami before raising one of his hands and clenching his fingers in a baby-like wave. Despite Nanami’s lack of a reaction, those little chubby feet kicked out in excitement, and he even babbled a couple of incoherent but nonetheless happy words. Satoru wiggled the baby happily with a giggle.

“If you’re going to say my name to him, at least say my name correctly, please,” Nanami scolded Satoru. That hint of a smile that Satoru saw earlier finally showed itself, a small thing that graced the handsome man’s face just barely as he regarded the little boy with a small nod. “Hello to you too, Yuuji-chan.”

At the sound of his name, Yuuji gave a wide gummy smile and waved his hand again as he squirmed more in Satoru’s hold. Nanami laughed lightly before looking to Satoru again, the smile shrinking a small amount. “Thank you for the flowers. They are quite nice.”

“Just nice? Not “extremely beautiful” or “the greatest you’ve seen ever’!” Satoru teased with a pout, pulling the baby back to him. He waved his hand dismissively. “Well, they aren’t my most extravagant work, I’ll admit that, but I still take pride in them as all artists do.”

“They definitely show that you have skill with presentation and composition. I don’t doubt your skills one bit. Unfortunately, something simple was all that I needed this time.”

This time. Satoru’s focus immediately honed on those words and his charming façade nearly slipped for a moment. “Is that so?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side. “If I may ask, what did you need these for?”

Nanami hummed as he seemed to consider the question for a moment. “It’s just a congratulatory gift for one of my coworkers. I personally wasn’t going to get them anything because we barely speak to one another, but the rest of the office wanted to plan a small party and said that it would be very awkward if I was the only one who didn’t give them anything considering how…popular they are. Since I had no idea what to get them, they suggested a bouquet,” he said, sighing at the end. He looked back down at the flowers in his hands. “As simple as these are, they are still very impressive, um-”

“Gojo.” Satoru shifted Yuuji on his hip as he held his hand out. “Satoru Gojo. Co-owner of Nature’s Domain.”

Not only was he taller than the man, but his fingers stretched slightly longer than Nanami’s as the other clasped his hand in a quick and firm shake (‘very business-like’ Satoru thought with a giggle). Even with the brief contact, Satoru could feel just how warm Nanami’s hand felt against his and he wished he could hold them longer.

“Again, thank you for the flowers, Gojo-san. I’ll make sure to recommend your business to my coworkers whenever they’re planning anything in the future. Do you have a business card?” the blonde asked as he glanced over to the counter to check.

Of course, they had business cards. Sukuna made sure that they stayed stocked up on them like it was second nature to him. To Satoru’s displeasure, they only had the store’s number, website, and their names listed which, yes, that’s what business cards were supposed to have…but not for his purpose right now. Satoru made an effort to hum loudly, cupping his chin with his hand in thought. “We usually do, but our printer conked out this week so we haven’t been able to print anymore for in-shop!” he said with a shake of his head. He snapped his finger and grinned wide enough to show his teeth. “Ah! How about I just give you my contact information that way you can place your orders with me personally! That way you can get first pickings for your arrangement to be made by the one and only, Satoru Gojo!”

Nanami’s eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed slightly in uncertainty. “I don’t think that would be necessary, Gojo-san. Besides, that seems very unprofessional. I’ll just use your contact information from your website. It shouldn’t be difficult to find,” he said matter-of-factly much to Satoru’s displeasure.

“Well sure, but it’s faster if you just reach out to me, don’t you think? That way your order can be done quickly and you won’t have to wait for so long!” he argued.

“That wouldn’t be fair to your other customers, don’t you think? What dictates me to get the special treatment?”

“I can tell you would make a very good clientele, Nanamin! Call it intuition. Plus, you gained Yuuji’s favor on top of that.”

The baby cooed and gummed at his fist, Satoru moving to pull his spit covered hand away from his mouth while peeking at Nanami over the rim of his glasses. His face was near impassible aside from a small frown in the space between his brows and a slight tensing of his jaw before, finally- blessedly- the man sighed in defeat. Hesitantly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone. “As long as our conversations are only business related, so be it. Please let me know once you have your business cards back in stock so that I can place them in the office.”

Satoru smiled and gave the man his number, peeking around the screen only to frown when he saw Nanami put it under the name “Satoru Gojo (Nature’s Domain)”. No plant emojis, heart emojis or anything! He blew air through his lips but still found himself satisfied when he heard his phone go off in his back pocket, Nanami nodding to affirm that that was his text that went through.

“I’ll message you as soon as I get off of work! Hey, do you like sweets, Nanamin?” he asked as he walked the other to the door.

“Please don’t call me that and let’s try to stay professional with this exchange, Gojo-san,” Nanami said with an exasperated tone.

The taller male only hummed in thought. “Well, we could always be old fashioned and get a nice cup of coffee together! You look like an avid coffee drinker!”

“Did you even hear what I just said?”

Nanami sighed and looked down at Yuuji, awkwardly waving his hand once he had the baby’s full attention. “It was pleasure meeting you, Yuuji-chan. And I suppose you as well, Gojo-san,” he said, directing his attention to Satoru as he addressed him. “You two have a good day now.”

The bell of the door chimed as the businessman walked out, turning to walk briskly down the sidewalk. Satoru stepped closer to the window as he watched the other man walked towards the crosswalk, blinking in surprise as he realized that Nanami must’ve walked here from his office. Once the other escaped his line of sight, Satoru couldn’t help the small smile that spread on his face.

“My, my, Yuuji-chan,” he said as he spun around to head back towards the counter. “We definitely have to find a way to get him back in here, don’t we!”

#shrike writes #fanfic #fic #drabble #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fic #nanago #gonana #gonami #nanami x gojo #TADAAAA #wow. I think the last i posted a fic or drabble on tumblr was like...2013 or something on my other acct #BUT HERE WE ARE IN THE FUTURE #funfact: ive been sitting on this fic for like...a year now? and it originally started as satosugu with sugu in satoru's place #i only changed it to gonami cause i just personally like the ship better #i do have other ideas for this au but i cant promise anything lolol #this was purely self indulgent as a therapy for myself after i started reading the manga xD #also baby yuuji with papakuna is free therapy. it just is ;u;

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