#picking 5 plus the definition of 'all-time' was strange to navigate so many of my blorboloves fade once the hyperfixation does

[pronouncingitwang]

tagged by @npdclaraoswald <3

Rules: make a poll with five of your all-time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone’s favorite.

tagging more than five bc i can @serenfire @homosexualslug @loverboyfae @bladeweave @arabriddler @boxesfullofthoughts @canonicallyanxious

[finalfrontierpioneer]

2020 Fic Recs

Okay, I did a fic rec list last year for 2019, and nobody asked for this, but you know what, I’m gonna do another one. Really the only thing I wanna look back on about 2020 is the fic- bc damn there were some good ones!

Same as last year, these are fics that were completed in 2020. (So no in-progress fics here)

So here goes, 20 fic recs for 2020, in no particular order! And full disclosure, these are all totally different ratings/pairings/whatever.

I tried to tag all the authors who had tumblrs, but i probably missed some, and some of them aren’t actually working but hey! the username is there!

Some stucky bc of course

Sharpened Claws by tragicama (Explicit)

Steve Rogers has a unique talent of getting himself into danger. As one of New York City’s best homicide detectives, it isn’t easy to ignore the constant call of trouble and gore. At least, that’s what he tries to tell his overprotective and brooding boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, even if he knows it might be a lie.

Bucky is dangerous, gorgeous. . .and a werewolf. As the Alpha of New York City, he is easily considered the most powerful being in the world. But when Bucky begins to lose his control over his shift, he slowly becomes aware of a bond that sends him reeling, and one he’d never thought possible.

But everything is not as it seems. After a homicide case unleashes a sequence of events that neither Steve nor Bucky are prepared for, they soon find themselves entangled with a danger that threatens to rip them apart. With the help of Steve’s partner and best friend, Sam, Bucky and Steve navigate a dark web of pack politics, masquerade balls, and a crash course in what it means to be a pack, even as a greater danger looms. And one that might succeed in ripping them apart.

These Happy Gilded Years by crinklefries @spacerenegades, nalonzoo (Teen)

Steve Rogers, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and mostly happy disposition, had lived twenty-three years in the world with very little to distress or vex him.

( Steve is wealthy and and charming, with good humor and good temper, doted upon by his mother and the highest of New York Society, with no one to ever criticize or say the word no to him. Well, other than Bucky. But he doesn't count.

He is also warm and friendly and has a talent for matchmaking. Or so he thinks. Actually, he's kind of terrible at it.

Importantly, Steve will definitely never fall in love or marry, himself. He tells everyone this, repeatedly. Well anyway, we'll see about that. )

Jane Austen's Emma, but a little gayer, set in 1890s Gilded Era New York City

Demon Seed by SucculentHyena (Mature)

[Transcript 00:11:48]

MS: You were with him the most throughout the course of events, both before and after. Your account could shed light on something we may have missed.

JB: What difference will that make?

MS: It could make all the difference. Captain Rogers’ case is unprecedented, he’s the most intact victim we’ve ever recovered-

JB: [laughing] You call that intact?

A Noble Steed by alby_mangroves @albymangroves or @artgroves, leveragehunters (Teen)

"You say the Warhorse showed up last night," Sam said in tones of profound doubt.

"Yeah," Steve replied.

"The Warhorse. The Warhorse of legend. Daelland's Warhorse."

"The same as the one on the back of the transit card, yes."

"And he appeared in your living room?"

Steve eyed the Warhorse, very large and very black and giving him a dubious look out of his strange grey eyes. "He's standing in it right now."

"Uh huh," Sam said.

"Hey, I'm not any happier about it than you are."

* * *

Steve's mom had left Daelland long before he was born, following her heart to New York, but she'd raised him on stories of its famous Warhorse. Before she died, he'd promised he'd go back and learn the country she'd come from.

That was why he was in Daelland. Not so Daelland's legendary Warhorse could appear in his living room. But planned or not that's what had happened—now Steve had to figure out what to do about it.

a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride by elkane @elkane, synonym4life @synonym-for-life (Explicit)

After Steve and Bucky rescue their pals from the Raft prison, they decide to dig deeper into Zemo’s involvement in the UN headquarters’ bombing which sends them on a backpacking trip across select European countries. Steve and Bucky believe this is a story about their mission. Scott Lang and Sam Wilson, who join them halfway through, believe it’s a story about their Eurotrip (and they’re probably right). This writer, however, has been waiting to tell you that the fic’s true mission is Steve and Bucky missioning towards missionary.

Follow them on their journey across Europe in tiny cars, packed subway trains and even on skis as they tumble down the Swiss Alps (in a fun way this time!), all the while reigniting untold feelings of the past through inappropriate sexual encounters and terrible communication skills.

someday at christmas (there’ll be no wars) by stevebuckiest @stevebuckyinc (not rated)

A mission on Christmas. Not even on Christmas, technically. A mission after Christmas which means he and Steve and the Howlies will be trekking through the tundra towards possible death on what used to be Bucky’s favorite day of the year. Jesus Christ.

(alternatively: bucky and steve try to make the best of a shitty situation)

the cabin by natalie_nebula (Explicit)

It felt like he… It felt like they were always so close. Everything seemed like it was under control. He remembers hearing Wanda’s voice, seeing a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. He remembers yelling something back at her, telling her to stop, to not come any closer. He remembers a bright flash, then a boom, and ringing in his ears. He remembers a black blur, and hands on his back, around his waist, then—darkness…

After the explosion in Lagos, Steve wakes up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and all he knows is that Bucky's the one who brought him there. While Sam, Nat, and the other Avengers try to figure out what happened to their friend, Steve takes the time away to heal—both his relationship with Bucky, and with himself. My cozy, romantic, and introspective Civil War rewrite.

Every Feeling by Nestri (Explicit)

Steve completely surprises Bucky with a visit, scent thick with heat. The Alpha keeps his hands to himself until Steve makes it clear he doesn't want him to.

Halbarry!

A Speedster and a Space Cop get into a Car by ChocolateTeapots @chocolateteapotsvis (Teen)

Hal and Barry embark on their most perilous mission yet: picking Wally up from the airport.

For Halbarry Week, Day 3: First Times “And you just called me Barry, genius”

Crosswind by Cinderstrato (Explicit)

Hal had collected plenty of regrets over the years. What was the weight of one more?

Just A Mark by the_butler @the-butler-fanstuff (Mature)

“What a nerd.”

Barry had been haunted by these words all his life, seeing as they were his soulmate’s mark. It came out during puberty, just like everyone else’s, but by then he was already well on the way to being a ‘nerd’ so to speak. He wasn’t just some guy claiming to be nerd because he was into Dungeons and Dragons or anime, oh no. He was a bona fide science nerd- went to interstate science fairs and competitions even.

—————(Originally a one-shot, now continued)——————

Barry Allen was working at the forensics lab of Central City PD when it waltzes the new transfer from Coast City, Detective Hal Jordan, not just into the lab but also into his life. There’s the matter of them being soulmates- but Barry is unconvinced. Science tells him there’s a likely chance that they’re just platonic soulmates, so Hal suggests an experiment of sorts: they go on three dates, and then decide whether or not they’re just platonic, or something more.

Tired by ceelolights @ceeloilights (Gen)

Hal comes home to Barry still working late into the night.

Last but most certainly not least, Jeronica:

The long way round to heaven by Bearfacedcheek (Mature)

“This could screw everything up. Jesus why couldn’t you just, fucking not?”

“I did just fucking not Jughead,” she retorts hotly. “I’ve been not for months. No one was ever supposed to know, least of all you. So, don’t blame me for what you saw when you invaded a private moment.”

“Oh, my bad Veronica,” sarcasm, his most comfortable armour, wraps itself around his words. “Did my near-death experience compromised your privacy? I’m sorry that my spirit took an astral fucking walk out of my almost corpse and y-”

“Don’t,” she gasps. Her hand flies to her mouth and it trembles visibly as she draws it away. “Don’t say that. Jesus Jughead we almost lost you.”

sadder, badder, cooler by thefudge @thefudge (Teen)

AU. Just who is Veronica's mysterious new husband? (based on season 5 spoilers)

all i’ll ever need is you by whatacoolkid @whatacoolkid (Teen)

jughead and veronica but make it ✨christmas✨

destined to be forgotten by bothromeoandjuliet @kindnessinpain2000 (Teen)

There are plenty of broken things in Riverdale - broken families, broken trust, broken hearts - but in the middle stands the two most broken things of all, Veronica Lodge and Forsythe 'Jughead' Jones.

(Jughead and Veronica learn about the Barchie kiss - this is the aftermath)

I Really (Don’t) Know What I Want by Bella_Dahlia @bella-dahlia (Mature)

There were many potential disasters to befall an average weirdo high school student; when one had an active imagination and a love for John Hughes films, as Jughead Jones did, you sort of assumed you had foresaw the possibilities. Plus, after solving a sordid murder and joining a gang, he really thought he gone through his fair share of teenaged trauma.

Having to fake a relationship to save his best friend from dedicating his life to a mafia and getting punched repeatedly in the process definitely had not crossed his mind before now.

——————————————

Or, Jughead and Veronica don’t really know what they’ve gotten themselves into.

all the lovers with no time for me by Krewlak (Mature)

jeroncia goes to stonewall. that's it. that's the fic.

call it what you want to by an_expensive_imagination (Teen)

“First things first,” Veronica says, reaching up to slide the ever-present gray beanie off his head, “no beanies in college.”

And here’s a one off random spideypool:

Shooting For Your Heart by X_Gon_Give_It (Teen)

“In my defense, I didn’t expect you to get hurt.”

“And I didn’t expect to be run out of town, yet here we are.”

He went suddenly stiff, “Wait...you were run out of town?”

“As if you didn’t know,” Peter grumbled, but when he looked up he did a double-take at Wade's confused expression. “Almighty, you really don’t know, do you?” he snapped the drawer shut, “Well, after that little fiasco by Two-Stone Canyon, a little rumor spread that me and you were in cahoots. The rumor got some ground and it turned the whole town against me. I was run out before I could defend my case. Why'dya think I was out there the other night to begin with?”

<><><><><><>

When Peter Parker, a deputy known as Webslinger, gets accused of working with the West's deadliest outlaw he finds himself on the run from the people he once trusted. In an effort to prove his innocence, he finds himself captured by the very outlaw tarnishing his name.

[klutzymaiden123]

Some Tips on How I Keep Motivating Myself to Write

This post was inspired by a response I recently got from @pastelnightgale and obviously, I’m not an expert (I’m literally on year 6 of a fanfic rip), but I still wanted to type something up about this. 

I find that the hardest part about writing is finding the motivation to actually start it . . . and then keep it. You can have all of these intricate fantasies in your head, with twists and turns and even a playlist you made on spotify, but actually getting up and writing it is ridiculously hard. 

Especially if, like me, you suffer from perfectionism. 

I kinda wanted to write a post about how I personally motivate myself to write, both fanfiction and my own things. Obviously, what I write is flawed and needs a lot of improvement, but I’ve come really far and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. 

So, here’s some tips I’ve picked up over the years. Feel free to apply this to whatever art you personally create, but this is primarily for writers.

1) Listening to Music

This is my number one. Easily. I’m someone who has a lot of attachment with the music I listen to (as most people do, I’d assume). Though I’m picky with the overall sound, I prefer music or artists who really put a lot of thought into their lyrics specifically. Or even when they use certain effects to carry across emotions or add more emphasis to specific lines. It’s why I’m such a fan of Taylor Swift; her songs are basically poetry packaged as pop music. 

It personally helps me to listen to music not just because it’s enjoyable, but it helps create scenarios in my head. We all shoot music videos in our head, why not try doing it with your characters? Plus, if the artist you’re listening to plays with words through metaphors or similies or imagery, it’s a massive bonus. I seriously recommend turning to music, whatever genre you listen to, and letting that sometimes paint the picture for you.

2) watching Movies. 

This is a massive one for me. I don’t know how high this would be on anyone else’s lists since films are obviously a completely different medium to books, but I find there’s a lot of things that can be useful about movies. For one thing, movies just have better fight sequences. Kinda obvious statement, but I don’t mean in a ‘well you can see it so therefore film is better’ no, I mean, film literally has better action sequences. 

Obviously, as a writer, you’re never going to be able to properly adapt the quick pace of fights in movies. But you can adapt the details in how they move. Fight scenes in movies are better then books because they’re choreographed. Now granted, I’m still beginning my journey in reading, but so far, I haven’t been impressed with what I’ve seen. Either the author writes a scene that describes the action, but with no focus on the strain it has on the character’s bodies, or they gloss over the fight completely. It makes me feel like I’m reading fanfiction, but written from the younger side. 

It’s just super dissapointing, so I try to challenge myself by studying how the characters moves, the impact of their movements on each other, and then how tired that can leave them. 

But also, movies can have other things that I think writers should learn to adapt. Like a character’s mannerisms. Now, I don’t just mean mannerisms as in what they do in their day to day lives, I mean facial ticks. Like, the minute sequences their features will go through as they’re processing news. Or their stances. Or what they do with their hands. Actors are very detailed about how they’re protraying their characters, and I just find myself aching to carry that over in my own portrayal of my characters.

It’s obviously important to realise that film and novels have both their benefits and disadvantages in what they can and can’t portray. But it’s even more important to realise that different mediums can also teach us things about our sense of portrayals.

3) Reading books

This may be surprising that it’s not number one, but honestly, I didn’t start reading actual books until late last year. I kinda used to read some in high school, but those were few and far between. This year I’ve actively been trying to emerge myself in more professional writing, as I do find it a little strange to want to write so badly without taking any infleunce from any other writers. 

Previously, I used to take inspiration from fanfiction and fictionpress, which I guess I still do. There’s definitely benefits in exclusively reading them (for instance, I prefer characterisation, romance and comedy in fanfiction) but I personally find books to be better in overall world building. I mean, obviously.

World building and setting are my weak spots, and I find that reading literal books actually helps me easier improve on these areas. Oh, and length. I’m a pretty detailed writer, but it’s sometimes hard to navigate what should and shouldn’t be getting so much focus. Fanfiction is pretty short (typically only a few pages), but books can be a whole lot longer, and how they use that space and length helps me translate it into my own pages. Granted, I tend to write way too much, but it’s still really helpful in navigating what should and shouldn’t be getting focus.

Oh, and bonus points for booktubers. They review a variety of different books, and for me personally, whenever they critique books, it motivates me to write something brilliant so they could maybe read it and smile. My favourites are WithCindy and Dominic Noble.

4) Tumblr—Specifically writing blogs. 

When I tell you that I did nothing in my last years of high school but secretly read fanfiction and writing blogs on tumblr in class, I--

Obviously, I’m biased, cause I’ve been reading tips on here since I was a kid, but I really recommend following some good blogs on here. They give such good advice, specifically on how to research, or portray certain emotions and, most of all, representation. Tumblr was actually where I learnt to write my fight scenes—about how to portray the feeling of a quick sequence of events, while balancing it out with your character’s limited view. They write things I haven’t even seen professionals talk about (and honestly, I think they could benefit from reading a tumblr blog). 

My personal favourite blogs are: Nimble’s Notebook, and Clevergirlhelps

5) Re-writes.

Okay, this is a massive one I should’ve mentioned in the beginning. Never compare what you have on your word doc to what others have published. Why? Because I can tell you that they did not start off like that. They went through massive amounts of editing and drafting and re-reads before coming out like this clean cut version. Trust me. No one’s that quick. And even if they are, who cares? It could take you two drafts, it could take you four, it could take you nine--we all work at our own pace.

It’s something I have to keep reminding myself when I’m on my first and second draft. Because they are shit. I always feel untalented when writing my first draft--oh, and that’s not a purposeful dig at myself to get compliments, I genuinely mean that. I will never let someone read one of my early drafts because they are literally so bad, and not only that, but those drafts are for me. They’re not there for anyone else yet. Early drafts are just so you can start to build your empire, they’re your foundation. You can reach for the sky the more you keep building. 

Don’t get on your own case if you don’t like your first draft. It’s fine. It gets so much easier the more you rewrite it. Trust me.

6) Write Things for You.

This is one of my favourite tips. Oh, and I don’t mean it in a ‘you’re not writing for an audience, you are the audience’ kinda way. No, I mean literally write things for you. And only for you.

If you have a story in your head that you don’t want to write because you know it’s just a phase, it won’t last long enough for you to make something out of, or you’re not confident in it, or whatever, fuck it—just write it. 

Open your word doc and type it out. Then don’t post it. Or share it. Keep it on your computer, stored away in a folder you won’t ever share. You might be asking, why would you waste your time on a project no one will ever see? Simple. 

It takes away the pressure.

A major hindrance to a writer actually writing is sometimes . . . not feeling good enough. You’re worried that an audience will laugh or mock what you’ve written, or that it won’t turn out just the way you planned it too, or even that the plot is too corny. Well, what I’ve found is that writing for myself stops me from judging myself so badly. I have so many documents on this computer of corny borderline wattpad stories that will never see the life of day. And it feels great. Cause I’m still actively writing and improving myself while eliminating that huge amount of anxiety that plagues me. 

This is such a massive tip, please consider it. Obviously, if the story turns out really well, go ahead and post it if you’re super proud of it. But otherwise, just write something with the intention of not sharing it. Keep it to yourself, so you can look back on it with fond memories. 

[nosferatyou]

New Tune: Chapter 4 (Jake Kiszka x Reader)

WC: 3.9k

Warnings: Cursing, Alcohol, Moshpits, Rock and Roll, and general dumbassery.

Summary: Two guitarists meet at a Rock Festival, only having a week with each other before they have to return to their own lives. The bond they create is unfeigned and resolute.

I stir awake, in an incredibly uncomfortable position on the.. Couch? A blanket that I definitely don't remember getting was laying on top of me. I look up at the clock to see that it was 1 PM, and let out a groan. I move the blanket off of myself and trudge to the bathroom. I look in the mirror to see what I can only describe as a gremlin. My hair was a rats nest, my makeup had smudged off onto my face, and my clothes were untucked and wrinkled. The weirdest part was the sticky note posted to my forehead. I grabbed it off and scrawled onto it said

 “Y/N, Left to go get coffee even though it's practically the afternoon. Anyways will be back soon. -Jake.

 PS I would've moved you into a better position, but I didn't want to wake you.”

Shit, he’s going to be here any minute, and I look like straight up trash. Going for a different look, I grab a very cut up Black Sabbath shirt (with a plunging neckline), simple high-waisted black shorts, fishnet tights, and finally my docs. I quickly combed out my hair, and applied some darker makeup. By the time I was done I heard a knock at the door, I opened it to reveal a sweaty Jake with two coffees in his hand.

“Ah so you finally woke up?”

“Oh hush it, get in here I need coffee.”

He walks on and hands me the cup before splaying himself out on the couch.

“So what's the plan today.” He asked.

A smile grew on my face, I already had plans for tonight, but now I'm definitely dragging him along.

“Okay so.” I grabbed a seat next to him, practically buzzing with excitement. “Did you see the headliner tonight?” 

“I honestly wasn’t paying attention.” He took another sip of his coffee, still relaxed on the couch.

“Well.. I already planned on doing this since we got here, but this may be a little out of your comfort zone. I don’t know how wild you get.” 

He sat up a little bit, interest peaked.

“And I don't know if the band will be up your alley, but…. Anthrax is playing tonight and they put on some of the most fun shows I’ve ever been to. Anyways I honestly live to be in the pit and was gonna sneak in and have some fun.”

He really doesn’t strike me as the mosh type, but definitely the partying type, so this is all really a gamble.

“You know what, fuck it. The boys and I never went to heavier shows, so I've never moshed, but this place seems as good as any to do it. You also seem like a good mosh pit spiritual guide.”

An even bigger smile grew to my face, and I hopped up off the couch.

“The show starts at 7, that gives us like 5-6 hours of pregame and prep. Up you go, we have work to do.”

I grab his arm and try to pull him off the couch. He just laughs and goes along with it.

“Take me to your bus.”

“Not that im complaining but why?”

“That outfit is completely unacceptable.”

He looked down at himself and then back up to me.

“Wait what, why?”

“Well first off you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and your toes are definitely gonna get squished in those flimsy boots.”

“Hey! They aren’t flim-”

I grabbed his hand again and dragged him off the bus.

“Lets go, Rockstar. Lots of work to do.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He suddenly stopped me before entering the bus, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m going to be frank with you. They are weird as fuck, especially Sam and Josh, but seriously, watch out for Sam. He’s especially weird.”

I laugh and mimic his hand on my shoulder with my own on his. 

“This’ll be fun then, I'm sure we will get on just fine. “

“Alright, Y/N. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time.”

“Whatever you say, Rockstar.”

I open the door and waltz up the stairs to see an odd scene to say the least. Josh, who I had met nights before, was sitting on the couch playing guitar. It seemed like his first time, but two tall boys were standing over him. One yelling at josh, and very aggressively might I add, trying to fix his positioning. The other was trying to calmly explain it to him, the two boys both breaking their instructions with bickering between the two of them.

“Josh, darling, just use your thumb to steady your hand on the neck. Barre chords are 100% easier that way.”

The two taller boys whipped their attention over to me, but Josh just tried what I suggested instead. He produced a much clearer sound and gleefully yelled because of it, then looked up to me.

“Y/N! Thank you, darling. These two imbeciles couldn't pick a way to teach, and it was nothing but confusion.”

Shortly after Jake clomped up the stairs, taking a place next to me. Josh quickly ran over to his twin to seemingly go in for a hug, instead all Jake got was a hefty punch in the arm.

“You bastard, where have you been?”

Jake rubbed his arm and said “Well we went out for a little smoke sesh and then fell asleep on her bus by accident. Sorry man.”

Josh raised his eyebrows in surprise then said, “Ohhh, well that's all you had to say, little brother. We get it.”

“Don’t be gross, Josh. There is a lady here. Plus I’m only five minutes younger, we've been over this.”

I suddenly burst in.

“By all means, Josh. Be gross. I could barely be described as a lady.”

“She already loves me, Jakey.”

He just let out a sigh and said “Don't forget about the others. This is Sam, the actual little brother” 

Sam stuck out his hand and gave me a firm handshake. “I feel like this friendship between us will stick.”

“Very bold, Sam. I completely agree.”

Jake continued. “And this is Danny, not blood related, but is basically family.”

He also went in for a handshake, this one a bit softer.

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

“Pleasures all mine.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The boys and I instantly hit it off the bat, maybe it's my chaotic personality, or maybe it's theirs. Either way they grew very comfortable around me quickly, and so did I. Jake was a bit more laid back, he mostly just watched us all interact with a smile on his face. It was oddly endearing. 

By that point it was Six and they helped us pregame for the night ahead. Many beers and a couple shots in, and Josh and I were in a heated game of the floor is lava. Well we were but that was until Sam grabbed the chair out from underneath me, causing me to fall onto the couch. Which poor Jake happened to be sitting on, so I partially crushed him, but we were all so tipsy that both of us didn't care. I was too comfortable to move, forgetting about the game.

“Danny, my love. What's the time?”

He checked his watch and said “About 6:30”

I sat up from my reclined position on Jake’s lap and yelled “Shit!”

I quickly got up and yanked Jake up a well, causing him to spill some of his beer.

“We gotta get you better shoes or else your toes are gonna be crushed.”

He laughed and started to push me to the back of the bus. “Well we can't have that can we?”

He led me to a tiny closet near the bunks where he stored his clothing. His shoes were also haphazardly stuffed in there as well.

“Damn this is how you live?”

“Is it not the same for you?”

“You got me there, Rockstar.”

  I looked through all of them, stopping on a bright red pair for a moment because they were just so damn fun. But tucked away were some older and heftier leather boots. I grabbed them and stuffed them into his hands. 

“Did you bring any normal shirts? Cause button ups won't do, man. Gotta have room to move.”

“Yeah I think I have an old Zeppelin shirt back there somewhere.” He said motioning back towards the closet. 

I found it and threw it over to him. I turned around to face him staring at me with an indistinguishable look on his face.

“What are you waiting on? I'm not gonna help you, go get dressed and lets go.”

“Aw what a shame.” He teased.

He dumped his stuff into his bunk before unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off. My eyes slightly widened, and heat rose to my face. I coughed and pulled out my phone as a distraction. A multitude of texts from Sam, my boyfriend, as usual. I ignored them and simply stared at my homepage, just trying to direct my attention from the very tanned shirtless man in front of me. 

He tapped my shoulder, pulling me out of my haze.

“Ready to go, little bird?”

“Ready, Rockstar.”

We said our quick goodbyes to the boys before heading off. Josh quickly called out behind us, “Don’t lose an ear!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In our drunken state we tried and failed, many times, to hop the fence to the venue. The pit was much harder than expected to get to. Jake tried to lift me over, I tried to lift him over, all ended with one of us almost crushing the other. We were hot, sweaty, and about to miss our chance to join in the fun. Well that was until Jake thought of a different plan of action.

“Y/N!”

I had my hands joined together to grab his foot and lift him up the metal slats, I about dropped him when he yelled my name. Putting all my strength into lifting him, concentrating on a response was hard but I choked out,

“Jesus, Jake. Don’t do that or I’ll drop you again. What is it?”

He scrambled out of my grasp and almost took me down with him.

“I have the best idea I’ve ever thought of.”

“I doubt th-”

He cut me off and grasped my shoulders, shaking me as he spoke.

“We can just jump into the pit!”

I swatted his hands off of me and said

“We’ve been trying that for 20 minutes, dumbass.”

“No!” 

He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me toward backstage.

“We are artists, we just go to the wings backstage, sneak onto the stage real fast, jump off into the pit, then join in!”

“Oh my god that is the best idea you've ever had!”

“I know!”

At this point we were in a full on sprint towards the venue, people were giving some strange stares, but we were way too drunk to notice nor care.

We finally reached the inside, laughing as we ran through, navigating through crew members and roadies. When we reached the edge of the wings we stopped for a moment to catch our breath, we both looked at each other for a moment. A look of excitement and adrenaline crossed his face, and i'm sure mine as well.

“Ready, Rockstar?” I asked.

“Let’s go, motherfucker!”

We both ran onto the stage, jumping off the ledge into the space between the barrier and stage. The people at the barrier very quickly noticed us, all very confused by our actions.

“Help me over!” I yelled to them, holding out my hands.

A couple of men grabbed me and lifted me over, I quickly thanked them and looked back over to Jake, still inbetween.

“What are you doing? Get over here!”

He laughed and lifted himself over, pushed close next to me.

“This is quite tight!” He yelled.

“What’d you expect?”

He just shrugged his shoulders and leaned onto the barrier. 

“Oh no, Rockstar. This isn’t where we will be.”

He gave me a puzzled look, and I simply responded by grabbing his hand and dragged him away from our spot. I took us deeper into the pit, more and more to the middle. Both of us tightly pressed up against each other. The band wasn’t on stage yet, but the crowd was buzzing with excitement.

“You nervous?”

He looked excited, very drunk, but obviously a bit hesitant about it all.

“A bit. I have a feeling the moment it starts i'll fit right in.”

“Good! It'll be-”

The crowd erupted into cheers and we both looked up to see the band entering the stage. I looked back over to Jake, who’s nervous demeanor had increased substantially. I grabbed his hand, and he looked over to me. He squeezed my hand in response, a smile appearing on his face.

“Don’t let go until you feel ready.. Or if we literally get torn apart.” I yelled to him, barely audible. 

“Oh jesus.”

Jakes POV

For the first couple of songs the crowd stood still, well not still, but what I assume is still for this crowd.  The music was loud, really loud, and gritty, but the lead guitarist was damn good. Had a clean tone for the genre. It definitely wasn't my crowd, that's for sure, it was a lot of very tall men in tank tops, all older than you'd expect. Y/N definitely stuck out in the crowd. Though she was very much in her element, Dancing with the others, getting a bit rowdier than the rest actually. She knew how to hold her ground in a group like this no doubt about. The music definitely not what I ever ventured into, but I definitely could appreciate it. The band was having fun on stage and messing around, something i'm definitely no stranger to.

 Then the band introduced the song “Indians” and all hell broke loose. Y/N’s grip tightened on my hand.

“Get Ready!” She yelled.

The guitars harmonized with a simplistic riff, no other instruments joining in, but boy when they did, the fun began. People around me started to basically push and shove me, basically just running their bodies into me. Jumping into each other and me, Y/N jumped into me at one point. It was tamer than expected, Y/N Joined them as well, pushing into me and jumping into others. It was definitely something I could have handled, I don't know why she hyped it up so much. Everyone took a mutually agreed upon break during the chorus and second verse. Still pushing but just keeping to their spots. Y/N had a huge smile on her face, and looked over to me, her hair wild and her face flushed. 

She leaned over to me and tried to yell, “Get ready!”

“Get Ready? Wasn’t that the mosh?”

She threw her head back and laughed before returning to her space. The singer screamed “War Dance!” and the crowd lost it. They were jumping into everyone basically using shoulders and elbows to bounce off of each other.  I felt my arm jerk and I looked over to Y/N, and everyone in front of her was.. Running? She tightened her grip and started running with them, and in town, I was dragged along. They all were basically running in a circle in dancing, screaming the lyrics to the song. When we got into a groove something in me grooved with it and I lost every nervous feeling in body. I let go of her hand and ran next to her, jumping into her at some points. She threw her head back with laughter and reciprocated by almost pushing me over. At some point we stopped running, but we slammed and jumped into each other until the song was over. And by that point I was so out of breath it burned.

“Holy shit.” I breathed out.

As the show went on the more into it I got and the more wild Y/N got. Alcohol still very present in our systems, along with adrenaline. Y/N screamed the lyrics with everyone and danced all night, causing a ruckus with the neighboring people, and of course I joined in.

She suddenly clamped her hand on my shoulder in the middle of the song “Antisocial”, surprising me.

“Jake! I have my phone on me, but if I don't make it out, we meet where we jumped in!”

“Don't make it back?” I yelled in confusion.

“Don’t worry ill be right back!”

She leaned over to the taller guys next to us and did her best to talk to them. They both high fived her and she grabbed onto their shoulders. They grabbed her legs and lifted her, passing her forward. The people in front of us very quickly took notice and passed her along. She was having the time of her life, yelling and milking her performance. I would be lying if I didn't say she was cool as fuck, and that I didn't envy her lust for life.

The guy next to tapped my shoulder and yelled “Dude your girlfriend is dope as hell!”

I simply responded “Don't I know it.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N’s POV 

Eventually I did make my way back to Jake, it just took me awhile to push through, and not get distracted by the crowd, as nice as it was to get recognized, I was worried he got swept away.

I found him attempting to headbang with the guys who helped me crowd surf, it was honestly cute to watch. 

“I lived, Bitch!”

He stopped and locked eyes with me, the already huge smile on his face grew bigger, 

“I don't want this to end!” He yelled, grabbing me and sweeping me back into my old spot.

“Well I’m sad to inform you we probably have one more song left, Rockstar.”

He gave me an over exaggerated frown and threw his arm around my shoulder and said 

“Well I guess that means we have to make it count!”

“I guess it does!”

The crowd gave too much energy in too early on and tried to  put everything into the last song, but it didn't compare to earlier. All of our bodies heavy, our breath hard, and sweat was everywhere. Compared to earlier, Jake now looked like a pro. Pushing everyone around him, keeping his balance, a huge smile stuck on his face. Near the end of the song I was completely exhausted and my balance is getting harder and harder to keep. They guy next to me just about pushed me over, except Jakes torso kept me from getting very far. He quickly caught me and wrapped his arms around me looking down at me, stopping for a brief moment. I looked up and our eyes met, our faces were closer than expected, our noses practically touching. The both of us not attempting to move away. Heat rose to my cheeks and I held my breath, unable to move. The relentlessness crowd was ever moving though, and the guy in front of us knocked the two of us into the men behind us, moving us from our position. 

“Well that was close, you almost took me down there.” He laughed, relieving the tension.

“You wish, Rockstar.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The walk back to my trailer was silent, it wasn’t a bad silence, just contempt. We both just felt oddly comfortable around each other, and could just live in the moment, not having to force conversation. Comfortable silence is rare, and you've met someone truly special if that can be achieved. Even though it was last night i'm still confused as to how he got me to open up. I make it seem like i’m open with people, joke about my insecurities so they can’t hold them against me. Rarely does anyone ever see past that. I haven't even gotten the chance to throw those jokes around, I haven’t felt like I needed to around him. I've known him all of three days and he makes me feel something. I don't know what it is, its past romantic or platonic, I guess I just feel some sort of kin to him. That scares me. 

We were in no rush, taking as much time as we wanted on the walk back. The both of us occasionally just staring at the sky. Crickets and a seldom guitar could be heard, bouncing from bus to bus. A different tune from each player, and even if it was 11, they all seemed to be saying goodnight. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jake glancing at me every so often. When I turned my head to look at him he just stopped trying to hide it. A small smile played at his lips and the stars almost reflected in his eyes. He seemed at peace. Still, I could see that he had a question he wanted to ask playing through his mind. 

“What's on your mind, Rockstar?” I asked.

He seemed taken aback that i’d noticed.

“Oh uh, I was just thinking of asking if maybe you'd like to join me and the boys during practice tomorrow? I mean we played last night, but I what to see what you can really do.” He paused for a moment, a smirk appearing on his face. “Plus I can finally Woo you with my guitar playing. Gets all the ladies.” He finished off his sentence by very animatedly wiggling his eyebrows.

“You wish, I've been playing since I was three, bet you I can do everything you can, and then some.” 

“You're on, little bird. You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Lets just say i’ve been playing for a little while.”

“You don't even know what you're getting yourself into.” I mimicked the smirk he gave me and said “Gets me all the ladies.”

He cocked an eyebrow in confusion “ You're taken.”

“Well when I wasn't… Let's just say I never had a shortage of fun.”

“Ooh look at you go.”

I just simply laughed and threw an arm around his shoulder, both of us returning back to our silence. My bus seemed to have snuck up on us because suddenly we were standing at the door. I reached for the door handle, stepping away from him.

“Wait.” He said suddenly, grabbing my hand.

I turned to him seeing that same expression as before, he had something to say.

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching for something in mine. I almost waited for him to step closer to me. He didn’t.

“No goodnight for me then?”

I stepped closer and left a lingering kiss on his cheek. He froze for a moment before relaxing under my touch.

I leaned in and whispered “Goodnight, Rockstar.” in his ear.

I moved away turning away for him to reach for the door again, opening it as quietly as I could. His hand slipped out of mine and I stepped onto the bus, but before I closed the door I turned around one more time. His eyes softened when they met mine, and a smile played on his lips.

“Goodnight, Little Bird.” He said softly, before turning around and walking away, humming a familiar tune.

Chapter 5

[litological-blog]

• january book recommendations

This one is for fans of A Court of Thorns and Roses. You know, stories where young girls are either swept away into another magical world or are already in a magical world where they fall into a complicated, longing, totally hit you in the feels and make you cry because you wish you had a boyfriend/girlfriend like their love interest, etc, etc. If you've devoured the entire ACOTAR series and want more books similar to it, just keep reading. We hope we can help you find your next addition to your TBR list:

1. "Dorothy Must Die" by Danielle Paige

A re-telling of The Wizard of Oz with a modern twist, Dorothy Must Die is definitely one of my personal favourites. It's about a teenage girl, Amy Gumm, who is strong and defiant, despite being bullied at school and neglected by her substance-using mother. On a particularly bad stormy night, when she is once again left alone in her trailer, a tornado picks it up and transfers her to Oz. But it is not like the movies, at all; Oz is in turmoil, and it’s all because of the infamous Dorothy Gale, who is sucking all the magic and life out of it. The only way to stop her is to kill her companions; she must remove the tin woodman’s heart, steal the scarecrow’s brain, take the lion’s courage, and then - Dorothy must die.

2. “Stealing Snow” by Danielle Paige

Another marvelous read by Danielle Paige where she dives back into the world of magical lands and dangerous, villainous rulers. This time, it’s about a girl called Snow, who has been locked up in an asylum most of her life for trying to walk through a mirror as a child. Despite her bleak life, Snow falls in love with Bale, a troubled boy with a catastrophic love for flames. One night, Bale is kidnapped, pulled through a portal into a world she’d been dreaming of, and the only way to save him is to escape from Whittaker and journey into a magical world that has been waiting for the day she would return. There she meets many allies and even manages to catch two intriguing boy’s eyes. She must learn to control and harness her magical powers into deadly weapons to fulfill the prophecy and defeat her father, the king. But in a world of treacherous magic, who can Snow really trust?

3. “Red Queen” by Victoria Aveyard

This is more in league with the likes of the Hunger Games in certain ways, but it’s based in a fantasy world and had so many similarities to ACOTAR that I couldn’t not add it to the list. Plus I really love it.

This is a story about Mare Barrow, a girl who has red blood in a world dominated by those who have silver blood. The silvers are royalty, with their powerful abilities they outrank the reds. But Mare is something different, something rare and unheard of: she discovers she is a red with powers. She can summon lightening. To ensure nobody gets wind of this, she is disguised as a long lost Silver princess by the royals and is taught the ways of being a princess. Conflicted by her emotions for two prince brothers, one fiery and passionate, the other calm and collected, Mare struggles to navigate her new life and must be wary of who she can trust; there are deceivers everywhere.

4. “Heartless” by Marissa Meyer

The first book on this list I haven’t actually read yet, but it is definitely on my TBR list, and here’s why it should be on your’s too:

“Heartless” tells the story of the girl Catherine was long before she was known as the cruel, - ironically - heartless Queen of Hearts. She was the most coveted, admired girl in Wonderland, and one certain unmarried king even had his eyes set on her. But Catherine wants nothing to do with becoming queen; she aspires to open a bakery and sell delicious treats. Her mother, however, doesn’t support her dreams and instead forces her into going to a ball where she is supposed to receive a marriage proposal from the king.

Instead, Catherine meets the handsome and mysterious Jest who she feels a strong attraction for. Cautious of offending the king, she enters into a secret relationship with Jest, and is determined to choose her own fate. But it seems there are others who may have different plans for her...

5. “Cinder” by Marissa Meyer

Set in the futuristic city of New Beijing, Cinder - a young cyborg and talented mechanic - is a second class citizen with a past wrapped in mysteries, and a cruel, wicked stepmother who blames her for her stepsister’s illness. Unforeseen circumstances lead her fate to become intertwined with the dashing Prince Kai’s, and she finds herself standing smack dab in the middle of an intergalactic battle and a forbidden blooming love. Uncovering secrets from her past may just be the only way to save the world’s future.

6. “The Cruel Prince” by Holly Black

This is a book I've wanted to get my hands on for a really long time now because it just sounds so intriguing and right up my alley. When their parents were murdered and they were stolen away by the faeries, Jude and her two sisters were brought to live in the High Court of the Fae. Years later when she is seventeen, Jude longs for to belong amongst the fae, but many of them despise humans and want nothing to do with them - especially the wickedest of them all, the youngest son of the King, Prince Carden.

To earn a place at Court, Jude must overcome the most dangerous task of defying Prince Carden, which leads her life to become entangled with palace intrigues and deceptions. But when a war threatens to break out among the Courts of Faerie, Jude is forced to put her own life at risk in the hopes of saving her sisters, and all faeries.

7. "Everless" by Sara Holland

This is one of my honest to God favourite fantasy novels. It's so fresh and unique and a nice change from the usual fantasy stories. In a world where time is used as currency by extracting blood and binding it to iron, and then it is consumed to add to one's lifespan, Jules Ember discovers her father is dying and must journey back to the very place she and her father had fled so many years ago: Everless. Her father needs more time, and despite having been driven out of there many moons ago after witnessing a fateful accident, she knows she must return for his sake. But returning to Everless can only bring danger to Jules, especially when she finds her heart caught between two people she thought she'd never see again.

8. "Ash Princess" by Laura Sebastian

Just six years old when her country was invaded and her mother, the Fire Queen, was killed right in front of her, Theodosia’s family, name and land were all taken by the Kaiser. For a decade she has been held captive in her own palace, having to endure much ridicule and abuse from the Kaiser and his court. So, when rhe Kaiser finally forces her to do the most heinous, unthinkable thing, she decides enough is enough. The Ash Princess has seen the fall of her people and her land - no more. She will fight back with everything she has.

9. “To Kill a Kingdom” by Alexandra Christo

A modern re-take of The Little Mermaid with a darker twist, Princess Lira is the most lethal siren of the sea; she holds the hearts of seventeen princes in her hands. But when a sudden turn of fate forces her to kill one of her own kind, her own mother - the Sea Queen - punishes her daughter by turning her into the one thing they hate most - a human. She is given until the Winter Solstice to retrieve Prince Elian’s heart and deliver it to the Sea Queen, or remain human forever. 

Prince Elian finds his calling in hunting and killing sirens like Lira; unknown to him, when he rescues a woman from drowning in the ocean, she is much more dangerous than he could have ever thought. She promises to help him find the key to destroying all sirens for good, but can he really trust her?

10. “Alice In Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll

This is the first story on this list that doesn’t have any romance in it, but is instead a fresh, unique story of adventure, courage, friendship, and a little pinch of madness. It tells us about a young girl called Alice, who follows a white rabbit wearing a waist-coat and carrying a pocket watch down a rabbit hole. She finds she’s fallen into a magical, if not a bit bizarre, land called Wonderland, where a cruel Queen of Hearts rules over. Join Alice on an adventure of a lifetime, meeting strange people and animals such as The Mad Hatter, The Chesire Cat, and the Blue Caterpillar. It will only make you curiouser and curiouser...

[beardyallen]

Well, that went quickly...

What day is it? I’m starting to lose track of how long I’ve been here...

Well, it’s been a week since my last post, and it seems that a lot must have happened, but honestly I feel like I’ve just been cranking through a bunch of comic books.

But I do know that Friday and Saturday involved a good deal excitement, so I guess we had might as well pick up pretty much where we left off!

Last Friday was Orientation for ICB, which meant getting all of the 35-40 instructors, 10 staff members, and the 6-8 people in charge of this program together in a room to introduce us to...basically what we’d been doing all that week. Also, aside from a couple study-abroad-undergrads and my officemate and me, everyone there had probably already heard the spiel.

It was scheduled from 5p-6p with a buffett afterwards, but a bunch of the Communications people from my floor were going out to eat (again?) afterwards, so I made plans with NR. She wanted to try this Mexican restaurant in what I’ll describe as the “international district” of Beijing. Most everything around us when we got there looked like it belonged in literally every metropolitan area in the world. Every major brand you can imagine had a store. Multiple. Too many...

But the Mexican restaurant we visited is owned and managed by a Mexican expat, apparently. He even stopped by our table to ask how the food was, and let me tell you: that quesadilla was the BOMB!!! And the margarita was pretty good (not as good as MHO’C’s, though!). By the time we finished up dinner, it was kind of late, so we wondered around the shopping center, found a bookstore. You know: the usual.

Fun fact: when a store or restaurant wants to indicate to their patrons that they are getting ready to close, they play smooth jazz and turn the lights down. Like for real. Had their not been windows open to the pavilion outside with it’s hundreds of light displays, I would have been seriously concerned when the lights in the place just went out and Kenny G popped up on the speakers.

We entertained the idea of finding the cinema nearby to see Alita Battle Angel, but during the 15 minutes that we spent wondering around in search of the complex, it seemed to elude us. Plus it was getting close to that time when the subway shuts down, and I wasn’t exactly hankering for a taxi ride this early in my stay....if at all.

The next morning, I got up early to meet back up with NR at the National Museum near the Forbidden City. Now, for the most part, the stairs I get don’t bother me. But I will say, if you’re going to stair at the pasty white guy with a hard-to-describe-its-color-accurately-beard, maybe don’t do it when you’re going 15 mph on a bike, facing in the wrong direction! *sigh.....Some people’s kids...

But what really bothered me, especially at the time, was the father-of-three who straight-up filmed me on his phone from 5 feet away for a solid 6 minutes, three hallways, and two escalators! I get it, I’m funny looking. But I really think I a picture would have done just fine...

One of the things that bothered me the most about that experience was that (a) he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, (b) his daughters seemed rather embarrassed, (c) he filmed me with the screen aimed at me so I could watch myself on his phone, (d) there was text on the screen, and (e) it went on for a solid 6 minutes.

In hindsight, I was wearing sunglasses and a hat, in a subway system, in the morning, heading to the center of Beijing. Maybe he thought I was a celebrity? I had spoken to a Communications graduate student the other day who happens to be black, and he told me the story of how a citizen here pull out their phone with a picture of Samuel L. Jackson on it, and gestured to him as it to ask if it were him...even though SLJ is for sure at 70 years old and this kid is no more than 35. And he looks 25. #smh

Anyway, after dealing with whatever the hell that was, I got to visit the museum! They, for whatever reason, were not allowing people to bring their charging blocks into the museum (external battery that you can use to charge your cell phone and other devices on-the-go), but more surprising to me was just how many people carried one with them! At least, it was surprising until I took a moment to think about it. As I’ve mentioned before, basically every payment made in Beijing is through WeChat, which needs internet access, so I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising. You also really can’t navigate through the city with some sort of Maps app; there are just too many bus routes, train routes, terminals and stops to keep logged in your head.

As far as the museum itself goes, the gifts to China from foreign governments exhibit and the Ancient China exhibit themselves took most of the day. Also, no surprise: the gift that took up the most floor space was given by a U.S. President. I also got a refresher in 8th Grade Social Studies. Too many small countries to remember all of them, and that space made me feel somewhat moronic.

The Ancient China exhibit was exceptional, though. They broke up the last, oh...750,000 years of human-ish life in China into 8-10 separate eras, the first few cataloguing the life and evolution of Homo erectus pekinensis into Homo sapien, while the latter eras were segregated dynastically. I’ve never seen the progression of human evolution laid out in such detail! The rock tools became better rock tools, then pottery and paper, stamps, buildings and so much more! There were even ceremonial helmets that would put the Juggernaut to shame!

It was strange, though, to have all of this knowledge just beyond my fingertips both literally and figuratively. The literal sense isn’t too shocking, as I’ve been to a museum before and know not to touch the pieces, but to have placards written in a language that would take years to learn was frustrating. Fortunately, NR has a never-ending supply of patience, and she translated much of the text. She even quizzed me on several of the characters. I’ve worked out how to write “rock” for sure.

After the museum, we wondered over to a nearby mall that, honestly, puts the Mall of America to shame. No joke. This place was huge! It just kept going and going and going! There was a particular alley that has all of the “exotic foods” that you might see on The Amazing Race, which I haven’t tried yet but intend to, but the rest is mostly-outdoor shopping center. Our reason for being there was to find food (we had been in the museum for a bit over 7 hours), and then sit our fine asses down in a movie theater to watch Alita.

We found a restaurant that served food traditionally found where NR grew up. It was exceptional. And the beer just made it better. :P

The movie experience was something else entirely. I’ve gotten used to watching television and movies with subtitles so that, when people decide to talk to me, I can follow along with both bits. Or if people are just talking near me while I’m watching television, I don’t have to rewind the show. That helped a lot; the movie was still spoken in English, but there were Chinese subtitles. I recognized the Chinese character for “1″ frequently enough, but that was about it.

The movie itself was way more than I expected. I shouldn’t be surprised, given that one of the primary characters is played by Christoph Waltz. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should definitely consider it.

Also, additional fun fact: I’m thinking that most (if not all) showings of major motion pictures here are in 3D. *shrug* Side note: we’re going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow and I’M SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED!!!!

After the movie, we wandered back to the subway station and parted ways mid-subway-ride to head home. The next day I spent playing Kingdom Hearts 3 and sipping some beer in the 3rd Floor Lounge. All day. It was blissful.

This workweek has consisted of four main things: teaching responsibilities, a bit of dissertation work, trying out another one of the cafeterias on campus, and reading comic books. Oh, and beer. But that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? There’s a convenience store on the other side of the building in front of the Guest House that has cans of beer. You can buy them individual for 3 yuan, or roughly 45 cents. I won’t lie to you: I bought 12 of them and it didn’t cost me more than 6 bucks. And it’s really not bad, and even more convenient than the liquor store I lived by in Denver.

Anyway, as I said, I’m going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow, then to “W-Town” (originally Watertown...so glad they shortened it...) in northern Beijing, which sits at the base of part of the Great Wall. More than 20 people from ICB will be heading up to their on Saturday, so I imagine one of them will take pictures. Probably ML or S. So you’ll have those to look forward to since you know I won’t be taking any!

Oh!!! I almost forgot the biggest thing that happened this week! Actually, it might be the biggest news of my entire stay!!!

I did laundry.

And I washed my slippers. I’m not convinced that they’ve stopped smelling, but I’m holding out hope that I’ve finally figured out how to resolve an issue that I know humanity has been seriously struggling with for decades. I’m on the verge of a breakthrough, people, I swear!

Anyway, time to finish this beer, read a bit more of Scott Lynch’s Republic of Thieves (WE FINALLY FIND OUT ABOUT SABETHA!!!!), and head to bed. Big couple of days ahead...

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

P.S. I bet you thought I was gonna forget! After class on Wednesday, I worked out how to make a phone call from here to the States to wish my Mom a Happy BIrthday. Caught her at work, and we got to chat for a good long while. It really put a nice cap on my evening, and it seemed it gave her a good start to her day. Anyway, I hope you had a great evening, found something nice at C&B and enjoyed that glass of wine you mentioned! Love you!!

[booksandtea]

Video Game Recommendations| #Blogoween So I wanted to do a post on horror games to fit into blogoween but I realised I haven’t really played that many. Or at least many that people may think of when thinking of horror games.

You have the big names; the Amnesia series and Slender: The Eight Pages games that shot pewdiepie (one | two) into the spotlight and which for me at least are when horor games became more popular. I tried both of the games named but neither really did anything for me.

Much later we see the rise of the Five Nights at Freddy’s series which I also tried at the height of its hype and wasn’t fond of.

It wasn’t a case that any of these games were too scary to play, they just didn’t offer enough for me to get invested in them. If I were to return to any of these games it would be Amnesia as its a lot more story focused.

But fear not. Or do fear! I do have a small list of games that I can recommend in the horror genre, or at least have horror elements to them.

RESIDENT EVIL 5 (2009): “The Umbrella Corporation and its crop of lethal viruses have been destroyed and contained. But a new, more dangerous threat has emerged. Years after surviving the events in Raccoon City, Chris Redfield has been fighting the scourge of bio-organic weapons all over the world. Now a member of the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance (BSAA), Chris is sent to Africa to investigate a biological agent that is transforming the populace into aggressive and disturbing creatures. Joined by another local BSAA agent, Sheva Alomar, the two must work together to solve the truth behind the disturbing turn of events.”

I probably played this back in 2009 or 2010 on the XBOX and its actually the only Resident Evil game that I’ve completed all the way through. I actually really enjoyed this game and at the time the hardest thing I found was keeping an eye on my health.

Lots of zombie fun which means its kinda gorey! But yay to weird mutations.

RUSTY LAKE HOTEL (2016): “Welcome our guests to the Rusty Lake Hotel and make sure they will have a pleasant stay. There will be 5 dinners this week. Make sure every dinner is worth dying for!

Rusty Lake Hotel a unique puzzle-escape game with a surreal, strange setting inspired by David Lynch’s TV series Twin Peaks.”

I love the Rusty Lake series, I’ve only played Hotel but I do also own Roots. Both of these I’ve seen Dodger play through but Hotel is probably my favourite of the two.

In RLH you have 5 guests staying and for 5 days you have to procure the ingredients for a meal by doing tasks and puzzles for one of the guest. In the evening everyone sits down and eats a meaty meal that they can rate depending on how many of the ingredients you were able to get. The puzzles can be pretty challenging at times and none of the guests ever seem to care that every evening there is one guest less…

I highly recommend you check out any and all of their games and the best thing is many of them are on mobile and they’re not huge or powerful games so I would imagine most PCs can handle them. I also think the horror in this is tame so if you’re a fan of puzzles they’re definitely worth it, my only complaint is theres no achievements.

YEAR WALK (2014): “In the old days man tried to catch a glimpse of the future in the strangest of ways.

Experience the ancient Swedish phenomena of year walking through a different kind of first person adventure that blurs the line between two and three dimensions, as well as reality and the supernatural.

Venture out into the dark woods where strange creatures roam, on a vision quest set in 19th century Sweden. Solve and decipher cryptic puzzles, listen for clues, and learn about mysterious folklore creatures in the built-in encyclopedia as you seek to foresee your future and find out if your loved one will ever love you back.

Mysteries and clues await everywhere in Year Walk, but to fully understand the events that took place on that cold New Year’s Eve, you will have to delve deeper than the adventure and lose yourself between fact and fiction.”

I’ve also completed Year Walk and I really enjoyed it, the art itself is super cool and at times very pretty. The story itself is rather sad too but you learn a lot about this Swedish phenomena.

This game does have achievements which is great but I will say it can be tricky to navigate to each area so if you can have the map pulled up elsewhere that makes it easier – also will help you get an achievement.

This is definitely a fairly straight forward game to play but it is on the spookier side of things, both story wise and because there is a jump scare or two. I know at least one of them can be avoided.

LAYERS OF FEAR (2016): “You take another drink as the canvas looms in front of you. A light flickers dimly in the corner. You’ve created countless pieces of art, but never anything like…this. Why haven’t you done this before? It seems so obvious in retrospect. Your friends, critics, business partners—soon, they’ll all see. But something’s still missing…

You look up, startled. That melody… Was that a piano? It sounded just like her… But, no—that would be impossible. She’s gone. They’re all gone. Have to focus. How long has it taken to get to this point? Too long, but it doesn’t matter. There will be no more distractions. It’s almost finished. You can feel it. Your creation. Your Magnum Opus.

Dare you help paint a true Masterpiece of Fear? Layers of Fear is a first-person psychedelic horror game with a heavy focus on story and exploration. Delve deep into the mind of an insane painter and discover the secret of his madness, as you walk through a vast and constantly changing Victorian-era mansion. Uncover the visions, fears and horrors that entwine the painter and finish the masterpiece he has strived so long to create.” I picked up Layers of Fear the other month when … humble bundle? was offering it for free. I figured why not! I dont play many horrors and this seemed interesting.

So far its mostly a walking simulator where you explore a mansion that evolves over time. Its very atmospheric and creepy, theres no real guidance as to what time line you’re in but you slowly get to know more about the people who live here. I’m very excited to see where the story goes.

As I’ve not finished this game yet I can’t fully say how scary it is but the bit I’ve played there are definitely the odd jump scare here and there and overall a very eerie vibe.

ABZU (2016): “Immerse yourself in a vibrant ocean world full of mystery and bursting with color and life. Perform fluid acrobatics as the Diver using graceful swimming controls. Discover hundreds of unique species based on real creatures and form a powerful connection with the abundant sea life. Interact with schools of thousands of fish that procedurally respond to you, each other, and predators. Linger in epic seascapes and explore aquatic ecosystems modeled with unprecedented detail. Descend into the heart of the ocean where ancient secrets lie forgotten. But beware, dangers lurk in the depths. “ABZÛ” is from the oldest mythologies; AB, meaning water, and ZÛ, meaning to know. ABZÛ is the ocean of wisdom.” Okay, so technically Abuz isn’t a horror game. For the most part its very pretty and tranquil, but there is a part full of exploding bombs whic is a bit tense. Additionally the full story of Abzu is one of horror and warning as at its core its a commentary on how we’re destroying worlds and pollution.

Rather than going into full depth on its story you can read up on it here as I think its a very important and powerful game. Plus if you don’t like being underwater then this might have a layer of fear for you!

And thats that for horror video games I think you should play. Of course honorable mention to Until Dawn but with that being a PS4 exclusive its a lot harder for people to play – instead try watching a playthrough of this game on YouTube perhaps? This has a lot of gore, jump scares, and Josh is my favourite character in that game as realistically we all need to protect him.

Please note: all images were taken from their own Steam store pages.

Have you seen played any of these games? Are there any games that you’d recommend?

If you enjoyed this post consider supporting Northern Plunder Ko-fi | Twitter | Book Club | RedBubble

5 Horror #VideoGames You Should Play | #Blogoween Video Game Recommendations| #Blogoween So I wanted to do a post on horror games to fit into blogoween but I realised I haven't really played that many.

[dipulb3]

Peacock review: A ton of free, ad-supported NBC content for the low price of free

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Peacock review: A ton of free, ad-supported NBC content for the low price of free

Sarah Tew/CNET

Peacock, the new streaming service from Comcast-owned NBCUniversal, is an experiment of sorts: Its tiled interface and big-name network make it look on the surface like a Netflix or Hulu competitor. But its content, which includes live news and sports, new original series and a large back catalog of TV shows and movies — and the fact that it has a free tier — actually makes it more of a top-of-the-line free streaming service, like Pluto TV, Tubi and Roku Channels. (Editor’s note: Pluto TV is owned by ViacomCBS, the parent company of CNET, as are CBS, Showtime and Peacock competitor CBS All Access.)

Like

Strong free version available

Large back catalog of shows and movies

Live news and next-day access to some NBC shows

Don’t Like

Missing many marquee catalog titles like The Office, and others may be leaving soon

Few originals at launch, and few movies from the past decade

Confusing Channels and Trending sections

Missing key features like user profiles, mobile downloads, 4K HDR and Amazon device support

Peacock’s free tier — which rivals Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus and HBO Max currently lack — offers about 13,000 hours of ad-supported content, with the option to upgrade to premium if you want to, giving you more flexibility. You’ll find shows, movies, news, live sports and skit-style clips, with standouts including Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock and The Bourne Identity. On the other hand one of NBC’s most-streamed series, The Office, won’t be on the service until January 2021. And you’ll only get two episodes of new original series, like Brave New World, unless you upgrade to premium. The original Psych movie sequel, the popular series Yellowstone and live Premier League soccer matches are also reserved for premium subscribers.

At launch, Peacock lacked a number of features, including compatibility with the popular Roku and Amazon Fire TV devices. But in September, NBC and Roku reached a deal, and the Peacock app is now on Roku devices. However, Peacock still doesn’t offer profiles for different users, mobile downloads or 4K HDR streaming — all of which are available on the paid competition like Netflix and Disney Plus. 

Read more: Everything you need to know about Peacock

Peacock has three subscription tiers: Free, $4.99 a month for ad-supported premium and $9.99 a month for ad-free premium.

Sarah Tew/CNET

You might not love watching ads, only getting a few episodes of original shows, or that several big features are still missing, but again: It’s free. 

If you upgrade to the premium tier ($4.99 a month or $50 a year for ad-supported; $9.99 a month or $100 a year for ad-free), you’ll get access to the full catalog of 20,000 hours of content, including every episode of the original series. You’ll also get next-day access to new episodes of all current NBC shows (as opposed to just freshman series on the free tier), and even early access to Late Night with Seth Meyers and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon the night they air.

If you’re a big fan of NBC’s stable of shows, want to catch up on some past hit movies or just don’t want to shell out the cash for Netflix or Hulu, the free version of Peacock is great. But paying $5-$10 a month for it when you already have the other major streaming services may  not be worth your while at this point — at least until it adds more must-see originals or bingeworthy favorites like The Office. 

Streaming compared

Peacock Netflix Hulu HBO Max Disney Plus Monthly price Basic free with ads, Premium with ads for $4.99 or ad-free Premium for $9.99 Starts at $8.99 Basic $5.99 with ads, Ad-free for $11.99, Live TV for $55 $14.99 $6.99 Ads Yes, with basic and first Premium tier No Yes, with basic tier No No Availability Now Now Now Now Now Top titles Brave New World, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Law & Order Stranger Things, The Office, Breaking Bad, 13 Reasons Why Handmaid’s Tale, Catch-22, Lost, Bob’s Burgers Entire HBO catalog, Studio Ghibli films, DC films The Mandalorian, Avengers Endgame, Toy Story, The Simpsons Mobile downloads Yes, with ad-free Premium tier** Yes Yes (on Ad-free plan only) Yes Yes 4K available No Yes (on Premium plan) Yes No Yes HDR available No Yes (on Premium plan) No No Yes Number of streams 3 1 (2 for Standard, 4 on Premium) 2 (Unlimited with Live TV and a $10 add-on) 3 4

A solid free tier, with some ads

We tested out Peacock’s ad-supported free tier and its ad-supported $4.99 a month premium tier. (You don’t need a credit card to sign up for the free account, just an email address, which is nice.) Peacock promises that you’ll see five minutes or less of ads per hour across both ad-supported tiers. But it does seem like if you pop in and out of a movie or show, the ad count may reset. And at least in my experience, there seemed to be fewer ads on the premium tier than the free tier, but I haven’t tested it out long enough to know for sure. 

While watching Jurassic Park (which, as of Aug. 1, has expired on Peacock and moved over to Netflix) on an Apple TV and a MacBook Air, I saw six ads sprinkled throughout the film, ranging from 20 to 60 seconds each. But when I started it on the iPhone app, I got a notice that I would watch 135 seconds of ads at the beginning, and none for the rest. I’d love to have that option on my Apple TV too to get the ads out of the way, but unfortunately you don’t get to choose your ad format. 

Peacock has a pleasant interface, but features including mobile downloads are still missing at launch.

Sarah Tew/CNET

After scrolling around and watching a bunch of ads, when I went back to start Jurassic Park again, there were no ads at all, since I had already seen five minutes’ worth in the previous hour. 

On episodes of Saturday Night Live, there were seven to nine ads sprinkled throughout the episode on both mobile and TV. This is about the same ad experience as watching on Hulu’s $5.99-a-month ad-supported plan, or on regular live TV — but, of course, it’s free. 

Otherwise, the ad experience varied depending on show and device. I don’t love ads (who does?), but they weren’t intrusive enough for me to want to upgrade to a $9.99 plan, at least right now. 

Now playing: Watch this: First Look: Peacock streaming app

10:55

A familiar navigation experience (for the most part)

Navigating through Peacock’s homepage Browse section is similar to other streaming services. There’s a big carousel of “hero” tiles at the top and rows of thumbnails below, labeled Peacock Picks, Continue Watching, Peacock Originals, Featured Films, Laugh Out Loud, Comfort TV and so on. 

Browse through a large catalog of TV shows and movies on Peacock.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Peacock does have a Kids page with a couple of popular shows like Curious George and, on premium, Dragons: Riders of Berk, but the catalog is definitely more adult-focused — you can’t compare its kids’ offerings to those of Disney Plus or HBO Max. You can set parental controls and create a PIN to keep kids from watching anything over the rating of your choosing, though. 

Premium shows are mixed in with free offerings, denoted by a little purple feather in the top left corner. It reminds me a bit of Amazon Prime Video, which has shows included in your subscription mixed in with those you have to pay extra for. The app isn’t forceful in trying to get you to upgrade, though: You’ll only be asked if you want to change to premium if you click on a premium-only show, or if you go to your Account page.

You can stream on up to three devices simultaneously from one account. One negative: Unlike on Netflix, there’s no “skip intro” button, so you’ll have to watch theme songs over and over unless you manually fast-forward.

Browsing deep into NBC’s back catalog

Peacock’s launch comes at a strange time: Due to the coronavirus pandemic shutting down film productions, many of its originals were pushed to 2021 or later. Its launch was also supposed to coincide with NBC’s live coverage of the summer Olympics, which has also been pushed to 2021. 

Still, there’s plenty to watch among the 13,000 hours of free content or 20,000 hours of premium content from NBC and its sister networks and entertainment properties, including Bravo, USA Network, SYFY, Oxygen, E!, CNBC, MSNBC, NBCSN, Golf Channel, Illumination, Universal Kids and Universal Pictures. There’s also some content licensed from rivals, including A&E, ABC, Fox, History, Nickelodeon, DreamWorks Animation, Focus Features, Lionsgate, Warner Bros., Blumhouse, CBS, Showtime, Paramount and The CW (the latter four of which are, to restate, wholly or partly owned by CNET’s parent company, ViacomCBS). 

You’ll find every season of shows like Parks and Recreation, but only partial seasons of others, like This is Us.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Some of the best shows available on the free tier now are 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Downton Abbey, Monk and Friday Night Lights, and you get all seasons of each. Upgrade to premium to get the complete run of older shows, including Cheers, Frasier, House, Two and a Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond and George Lopez. For some shows, however, you get only a recent handful of seasons or episodes, even on premium. For example, you’ll only find the last six seasons of Saturday Night Live and a handful of episodes of This Is Us. 

The free tier will also get current episodes of freshman NBC shows (those airing their first season) the day after they air, and episodes of other NBC shows one week later. On the premium tier, you’ll get every NBC show the next day. One interesting perk for premium subscribers: Once Late Night with Seth Meyers and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon return to in-studio production, you’ll be able to watch them before they air, at 8 p.m. ET, instead of waiting until 11:30 p.m. ET.

The catalog is far from complete, however. Some shows you might associate with NBC, like Friends, Seinfeld and older seasons of Saturday Night Live, aren’t on Peacock, and won’t be soon, if ever. As mentioned, The Office won’t arrive until January 2021, when Netflix’s contract for the hit show runs out. 

At launch, you’ll find seven originals: Brave New World, The Capture, Intelligence, Psych 2: Lassie Come Home, Where’s Waldo?, Cleopatra In Space and Curious George. Four more are coming later this summer. It remains to be seen if any will become must-watch hits, like The Mandalorian on Disney Plus. 

Now playing: Watch this: Watch every Peacock originals trailer coming to streaming

12:57

In the Movies category, you’ll find hundreds of titles, but relatively few from the past decade. (Think Alfred Hitchcock rather than Bong Joon-ho.) In the Rotten Tomatoes Approved belt, you’ll find about 20 movies, but only two from the past few years (2017’s Phantom Thread and 2018’s Tully). You’ll find tons of classics, however, from Psycho and Rear Window to Do the Right Thing and Reservoir Dogs. 

Find some live news and lots of news clips on Peacock.

Sarah Tew/CNET

It appears, however, that many of Peacock’s big-name movies aren’t going to be sticking around for long. On the desktop and iOS versions of the app, you can see how many days you have left to watch a given movie if it’s leaving soon. Children of Men, the original Jurassic Park trilogy and The Matrix trilogy all expired at the end of July, just a few weeks after the service launched. They may come back though, a company representative said. And soon, you’ll be able to see how long you have to watch a given movie before it expires across all platforms.

For titles that aren’t obvious classics, Peacock helpfully displays Rotten Tomatoes ratings. Movie thumbnails may include a red-tomato, “fresh” rating but do not display a score if the movie is rated “rotten.” You can see the score for any movie with a Rotten Tomatoes rating, good or bad, after selecting it.

While some services have started streaming theater-bound movies early (such as Hamilton on Disney Plus), Peacock executives say it has no plans yet to do the same. However, Trolls World Tour did arrive as a Premium movie offering in September. 

In the News section, you’ll find short clips from NBC News and MSNBC, along with the latest episodes of Nightly News with Lester Holt, Meet the Press, Sunday today with Willie Geist and Dateline NBC. When you click on the tiles for MSNBC or CNBC shows, you’ll only find clips though, as opposed to full episodes. 

Channels and Trending aren’t what you think

From Browse, you can navigate to the Channels section of the app. Channels look kind of like a cable box grid guide, but instead of networks and cable channels, you get rows curated around a show or theme. We were disappointed to find that most of it wasn’t new. The first channel, SNL Vault, shows a mix of Saturday Night Live sketches from over the years. Two others — Fallon Tonight and Seth Myers Now — have full episodes from about a month ago. 

The Office channel is labeled as Office Shorts and shows a scene from one episode here followed by a scene from another episode there, which is not how we like to digest our Office reruns. The Hell’s Kitchen channel does show complete episodes, and we found complete episodes of Ghost Hunters on the Out of this World channel. The rest of the channels, 32 in all, are a mix of true crime, reality TV, news and so on. 

Peacock’s “channels” look like live TV, but for the most part are not. 

Sarah Tew/CNET

Next to Channels, the Trending tab is also not super useful — scroll through 10 tile-like pages that start autoplaying news, late night clips or sports highlights. It’s kind of like flipping through 10 TV channels, and finding only YouTube clips. 

In terms of news, you can find some live programming. NBC News Now Live is one of the channels, and Sky News also streams live. NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt and Meet the Press with Chuck Todd will stream same-day on the NBC News Now channel, or in the News tab — which could appeal to YouTube TV subscribers who aren’t pleased with the recent price hike and want to make a switch but still have access to live news. However, you can access all of those live news sites and day-old broadcasts from their websites on desktop, anyway, so they aren’t exclusive to the platform. You’ll also find NBC’s new 24-hour version of the Today Show, called Today All Day, though that includes repackaged Today segments and more lifestyle programming than straight news. 

And when it comes to live sports, the free tier will get some Premier League games, as well as the US Open Championship, the Women’s Open Championship and an NFL Wild Card Playoff Game. On premium, you’ll get more Premier League matches, coverage of the Tour De France, and more than 100 hours of WWE content starting in August. 

Still MIA: Fire TV, profiles, mobile downloads and 4K HDR

While we can’t complain too much about the free tier, the premium offerings still lack several features that competitors like Netflix and Hulu already have. 

You can stream Peacock on Apple devices like the iPhone and Apple TV, Google devices like Android phones and Chromecast, Xbox One consoles, PlayStation 4 consoles (when the app launches next week), Vizio SmartCast TVs and LG Smart TVs. As of Sept. 21, Peacock is also available on Roku devices. But you still can’t watch on popular Amazon Fire TV devices. 

You also can’t create separate profiles, but Peacock reps said that this feature is high on the list to arrive after launch. In the meantime, you can set parental controls on shows of different ratings and manage them with a PIN. Mobile downloads are not yet available, either — and when they are, they’ll only be for premium ad-free subscribers. 

Peacock also lacks support for 4K HDR video or Dolby Atmos at launch, though the company says both of these are also on the future roadmap. While it still looks pretty good, originals like Brave New World and some of the major action movie franchises like The Matrix would have benefited from upgraded video and sound quality.

You may be able to find a deal based on your cable provider: Comcast X1 and Flex subscribers get the premium with ads version free, or the no-ads version for $4.99 a month. Cox customers get the same deal. 

At launch, you can’t download Peacock shows on your mobile device, but at some point, you’ll be able to do so if you pay for the top premium tier.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Should you get Peacock? 

It’s free, so why not try it out? If the ads bug you or you want to watch one of the original shows, you can try out its premium tiers free for seven days as well, or find other deals depending on your platform and cable provider.

Do I expect to add Peacock to my daily streaming routine, alongside Netflix and Hulu? Probably not, at least in the short-term. But is it a great free option for finding some older movies and shows we’ve missed (or want to watch for the millionth time)? Definitely. If you don’t mind watching a few ads, it’s a fun place to explore older movies and a big mix of TV shows, and keep up with current NBC shows, news and some live sports in one spot — especially if you’re already a cord-cutter and looking to expand your options for free. 

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… Untucked (S09E06) Snatch Game Airdate: April 29, 2017 @wowreport Ratings: 593,000+ on @youtube as of 6/15/17 Score: 8/10

**********SPOILERS BELLW**********

I made a specific contestant a promise I would go ahead and watch Untucked to not only highlight the juxtaposition of my styles of writing when it comes the two totally different series (one competition, one what’s morphed into a show of spirit and sense of community), but also because Drag Race is simply a tough one for me to review. I have a lot of respect for everyone that comes on the show and demonstrates that ‘fire’, and I get caught up in trying to both critique ‘Drag Race’ as the competition style calls for and pad my blunt critiques with humor that can be sometimes taken the wrong way. Last week’s 'Untucked’, I focused heavily on Nina, I recognized a pattern, certain tendencies, withdrawing fro. The group, and a look of the eyes that I know all too well because I myself have battled depression, addiction, dependency, a slew of shit (as most of us have) and had to figure out how to maneuver life without throwing up too many buckets of water on myself when I start to get white hot. It’s not easy, but for some people it is… And sometimes those very people want to say, 'Get over it’, 'Suck it up’, or write you off… Depression, self doubt, all these things that plague us in the cycle of the human condition are not something you can just wipe off the mirror like lipstick… But I see you Queens struggling with that too, so…

We start this 'Untucked’ off with a bit of fun, the same fun we aren’t exactly seeing translate to VH1 on the 'Main Stage’… Then again VH1 was the network that picked Wendy Williams to host the between breaks 'Viewing Party’. Just ask our buddy Jonny McGovern & his friend Erickatoure why that’s not the best move… Better yet just go subscribe to his channel on YouTube. 'Hey Qween’ is literally just waiting for you, calling your name, just sitting on YouTube Red’s digital shelf waiting for you to watch until your eyes turn glossy & red, leaving you pupils dilated to the size of mega saucers… And when you finally emerge from your house everyone will assume your either a tweaker or from Wilton Manors.

Apparently Trinity Taylor, God Bless her Floridian soul, has never seen 'Bad Girls Club’ or been the only white girl in the room… As she has no clue what 'edges’ are. I can’t tell you why this is so damn funny to me, maybe it’s Shea’s earnest and surprisingly highly detailed & accurate attempt at educating Trinity on the matter (This is emerging as Shea’s specialty, not the history and extensive knowledge of edges, but breaking things down in articulate manner that anyone can follow - plus she’s talent personified)… Maybe it’s Valentina’s adorably juvenile delivery of the line she delivers to Trinity explaining to her that she has her own form of edges, 'that black spray stuff you be spraying, DUH!’ But as god as my witness, there are simply no words to describe the laughter this scene inspires!

Trinity still doesn’t get it, she’s 'from the south’ she says we don’t use words like 'Edges’… Tho, again, I’m gonna have to break something down… South Florida and even parts of Central Florida aren’t really the south. Consider us more of the North Caribbean, hell we aren’t even really a part of the United States, thats just what it looks like on the map so everyone including your parents and teachers have told you so. But yeah, 'edges’ are most definitely still a word down here in the 'North Carribean’. Valentina’s adorableness continues… Her Hispanic background leads her to really appreciate Trinity’s astonishing ability to be 'so evil and so nice at the same time’. See, that’s how we do it here in South & Central FL… We love you, but we simply don’t have time to dance around your feelings. We’ll give you the shirt off of our backs then have you lay down in a mud puddle so we can walk over you. I’m kidding, of course. We’d obviously pick you you up and give you a peck on the cheek, dust off the mud and take our fn’ shirt back. It’s just the way the bottom half of Florida works, and that’s why I 'get’ and love Trinity Taylor so very much. Now that we got some proper Florida representation, maybe S10 we can get South Florida’s legendary 'Daisy Deadpetals’ finally on this show! Ru, please?

Enter the tops and the bottoms… Tho Alexis clearly states, 'This top is versatile.’ Told you, Alex, we could have so much fun. Tho for me it’s always much more about the passion and connection than it is about the final act. We’re getting way off topic. Sasha and Alexis go back and forth telling the others how much the judges praised each other… There is a deep respect between the two and though I absolutely loved Sasha’s 'Marlene Dietrich’ and did pad my opinion with a bit of comedy on the 'Main Stage’ review… I do want to set the record straight and say Alexis’s Liza was most definitely a highlight. Seeing the top two sit across from each other with their dignified 'Northern Poise’ is quite the scene… And Alexis’s shape from the side is nothing short of astounding. If the hair was different and the dress were pants, it would be spot on to my favorite Madonna… 'Bedtime Stories’ Madonna, particularly 'Human Nature’. Either way, I love it and for some reason Sasha’s poise is so proper I can’t help but keep rolling the word 'Yankee’ through my head… I don’t know how to interpret that for you, but I have it on pause and can’t stop laughing.

With VH1 taking the show in such a vastly different direction, I can’t say how much I appreciate this 'Untucked’ enough. Alexis, Shea, and Sasha look to immediately focus on Nina who needs a bit of love after the strange exploitation of her depression reared its ugly head the episode before last of 'Drag Race’. It’s clear Nina is feeling a bit better at this point but those kinds of battles are never over. These three obviously are aware of that and I want to show love to all three of them, particularly Shea who goes the extra mile for her and really tries to continue to hammer things back into perspective for Nina. This is the 'Drag Race’ I want to see. People have criticized the show for being too 'best friend race’ as they have with Slice’s RHOT… But we do enough of beating each other down, especially when you are in a high pressure situation constantly trying to squeeze every last drop of creativity that you can for the next challenge and the next and being paraded around on a runway and criticized, by both the judges and the world… I’m happy to see (however you want put this) the brotherly/sisterly… Straight up human empathy shining under the bright stage lights of television.

The bottoms… Peppermint, Cynthia Lee Fontaine, and Farrah Moan speak next. Peppermint is frustrated that she nailed Brittany in a prior challenge, but couldn’t nail Nene Leakes. It’s much different when you are given a character with lines & direction than when you literally have to create one from scratch… Then again, everyone knows 'Snatch Games’ is coming, so they really do need to be prepared. Farrah looks stunning, and is clearly saved by her fantastic runway look, I’m still curious as to who Gigi was or why anyone would care… Then again I’m in my 30’s and an ex-athlete, Ginger Cub who thinks the thicker the better… Im not scouring the internet for makeup tips. Either way, Farrah is just very young for this competition. Bring her back in 5-10 years and she’d be a massive threat. Her talent is there, it just needs a few years of experience before she can really show what she’s made of.

I often find myself very frustrated with Cynthia Lee Fontaine. This is a competition, I want to see the best of the best battle it out. This is Cynthia’s second time on the show and she’s screwing up essential Drag Race portions of the show… But here, she’s just so defeated, but she instantly goes through a horde of emotions within 2 seconds and is all the sudden firing herself back up with her own words, and it melts me. Despite any critiques I give as a judge would in my reviews of the 'Main Stage’, I’m a softie on the inside and nobody does Cynthia like Cynthia Lee Fontaine. I just don’t think a 2nd stent on 'Drag Race’ was in order, but there is something about that fighting spirit Cynthia displays that I feel needs to be seen, not just by this younger generation, but by everyone. Alexis takes note and proposes a toast, “L'chaim”, bitches!

World Of Wonder, come through! If VH1 has the producers focusing on the negative, then WOW always has their own freedom with 'Untucked’ to make up for that… And they do. Our girl Nina needed this video message from her mother, and that soft, loving, and tender look Nina shoots the screen that you can see if you pause the show right at 13:49 is all I needed and wanted for Nina. Keep pushing, girl… And listen to Shea! That’s a true friend, and there aren’t that many of those in the world. Like I keep saying, you can always tell who the strongest men and women in the room are… They are the ones lifting everyone up, instead of tearing them all apart.

Before I close out yet another long-winded love letter to World Of Wonder’s 'Untucked’ and all the contestants in this show… As I’ve explained in the past, I’ve always had an extremely tough time with the gay community. I sold myself at Johnny’s in Ft Lauderdale for years and nearly destroyed myself after my Aunt (who was like my sister) took her own life. My past experiences made it difficult for me to separate sex and shame, I will not point fingers as to why, but I’ve opened up about it in other reviews and will continue to do so as I sort it out as I go along. My critiques for the main stage of 'Drag Race’ are always difficult to navigate. I have a deep respect for the art form and contestants of Drag Race from Jaymes Mansfield to Nina BoNina Brown to Alexis Michelle and everyone in between, but like Trinity Taylor I try to tell it like it is from a loving place. I enjoy writing about the show. I enjoy watching the show. And if I’ve ever offended a contestant or said something that crossed a line or was taken the wrong way, I apologize. I fight to kind of hold onto the gay community in a weird way through this show, because my experiences with said community have been mainly negative in real life… Whether I was selling myself on stage at Johnny’s or Boardwalk… Or being introduced to methamphetamine at an early age.

I write because it’s my passion, and I’m starting to make a nice living at it and turning my dreams into reality. I said something in my last review of 'Drag Race’ and attempted to pad it with humor and the person who it affected respectfully came to me and talked to me about it directly. I appreciate that… And I think we were both able to see where each other were coming from and hopefully a friendship will come of it. But then this morning I wake up to death threats, 'kill yourself’, and a variety of hate speech from a community that I’ve never been able to find that true piece of love and acceptance I needed… One that for some reason is the hardest on me than any other community or subject I write on. I’m not over here crying about it, but all that nastiness will get you blocked real quick. My Spotlight Saga project, which is growing fast, and I’m happy to tell you all is being built into an online magazine slowly but surely - as well as a place where people can share perspectives to open hearts, minds, mouths, and ears, is my baby and I will fight for it till the end of time. There’s nothing in this world that I do half assed, my momma sure of that. So show love, address each other with respect, and fools… Don’t come at me crazy, cuz I’m not throwing the towel in anytime soon.

[porterblt]

Bad to Worse to Great

UGH what a past 48 hours this has been.

I have started typing so many times and gotten interrupted, haha. Let’s recap:

Sunday - I can barely remember but I know the end of it was great! We went on a really nice walk with bb in the stroller, Katie and Morgan dropped off dinner and sat with us for a bit, and then we ate and it was SO good.

Yesterday - A day from hell. Well, that’s dramatic. But it was probably our hardest day yet, at least for me. Lately Everett hasn’t been sleeping very soundly (or long) in the mornings, usually anywhere from 5-7am. Yesterday, he didn’t sleep. At all. He would doze a little bit, but then wake back up. Thank God he wasn’t crying...but I tried and tried ALL DAY to get him to sleep, and he just wouldn’t do it. It made me question everything - was he hungry? Too hot? Too cold? Pacifier? Overtired? I ended up spiraling and just fed him a bunch of times, and then started freaking out that he maybe didn’t have enough to eat because he just keep rooting with his mouth every time I picked him up. My friend (who had a baby who also didn’t sleep well r/t not eating enough) said that maybe I should talk to a lactation consultant. I made an appointment, pumped twice, had another meltdown, it was just. A MESS. And the entire time, Chris was there hugging me and encouraging me through it. It was amazing.

Last night he slept GREAT, and this morning he was even resting quietly in his bassinet, though he didn’t quite get to sleep. I was tearful all morning because I basically had PTSD from yesterday and was so afraid the same thing would happen. We had our appointment at 11am with the lactation consultant, and holy shit.

At first, she rubbed me the wrong way. She bristled at some of my comments/questions (when I mentioned he had an oral fixation she was like, “Um, YEAH, and?” No shit, lady. I mean outside of feeding). I started crying when I said I’ve been pretty depressed and not really eating, and she gave me a tissue. She was fairly no-nonsense and helped me navigate through things that were working and things that clearly weren’t working.

We went into a little room and I sat in a recliner and breastfed Everett with her supervising. She showed me a new position, and pointed out things that weren’t helping (I was slouched, he was reaching up to eat, etc) and after he nursed one side, she was basically like, “Wow, you’re doing everything right and you don’t even know it.” She weighed him and said that he’d gotten plenty of milk from just one side, and that she thinks my problems stem from over feeding him. He’s been gaining a lot of weight (a good thing at this age) and she thinks that I’ve been misinterpreting his body language about being hungry vs. being in pain and having gas. She also said that I definitely don’t need to be waking him up at night to eat anymore; he’ll wake up when he’s hungry. That was such a relief to hear. So based on how many times he eats at night, that will help me decide how many times/when to feed him during the day. At first when we left my head was spinning and I was so overwhelmed. I wanted structure and a schedule. BUT! I’m finally realizing that things are never going to be that way with kids. At least, not completely. No matter how much I want to worry about details and micromanage, things are just going to happen the way they’re supposed to. And that’s ok.

Everett woke himself up at 2:15pm, I nursed him (one side!!) and took plenty of time to burp/snuggle him after, then laid him down. And he passed out immediately. I just feel so encouraged.

That plus my hormone storm finally starting to calm has really made me see a part in the clouds and feel like this is something I CAN DO. I mean...I’ve never really doubted that I could do it, but I never realized how hard it would be. Having a newborn and relies entirely on you is so strange and stressful. I want to be an expert and handle it with ease. And that’s not going to happen. Even experts on babies and children have issues from things out of their control.

So here we are. It’s almost 4pm, and I’m sitting in the sunroom with Chris. I have peace in my heart, and I might take a nap. Like nearly every day leading up to this one, we had a really rough start - but we got through it. The afternoon and evening are my saving grace. I feel normal again (or close to it, at least).

[becauseiamnotanelephant]

They said I was crazy. Definitely possible.

I got up at 5 today. That’s the earliest I have been up for this whole trip and the only day I got to chose the time to get out of bed. It’s going to be an Aviva sort of day.

All packed up, I checked my luggage at the front desk of the hotel, booked a cab for later tonight, made a stop at the ATM, and then walked to the metro station, about 20 minutes away. It’s definitely Monday; I was walking against the commuter crowds getting off the train. The metro here is great, easy to use, cheap, clean, and you get great views along the way, but the way in which people use it is a little wacky. At every station I have been at, no matter the time of day, there are tremendous queues of people waiting to buy a ticket. You have to imagine most people using the metro are locals who could buy weekly or monthly tickets, so this baffles me.

I waited in the queue with everyone else and then made my way to the Caribe station, where I transferred to the bus station. Similar in many ways to the Port Authority except I have no idea what anyone is saying. Luckily I had done some research beforehand so I knew which ticket window to use, and bought a ticket to Guatape. I am attempting this trip on my own, which costs about a fifth of the price of a guided tour but will be more than five times the adventure. 

I get on the bus at the noted location, and see two French guys on the bus, too, which is a good sign that I am in the right spot. Mind you, this is not NJ transit, this is a 20-person bus that locals take as a cheap way to get around the countryside and between towns up in the hills and the city. Chinatown bus-esque, but very different. A man brought 50 eggs on the bus with him to bring home, and three other guys got on with machetes. I asked the guy next to me if this bus was going to Guatape. No, he said, its the bus next to this one. This was strange, since the bus was in the slot I was directed to, but I was somewhat relieved to get off the bus with fellow passengers carrying machetes. 

I got off the bus and onto the other, asked if this was the bus to Guatape. No, they said, it’s the one I was just on.

And so it begins.

I get off the second bus and go back to the first bus and the driver says something I can’t pretend to understand, and then gets in the bus and backs out of the spot to leave. And then pulls into the spot adjacent to it. Fucker parked in the wrong spot. Of course I will get on the wrong bus. 

French boys have gotten off the bus at this point, and there is a third gringo watching and figuring things out, as well. Finally the correct bus pulls into the correct spot, we all get on, and are on our way. Just like most places, salsa and bachata music play the whole time. Like two hours, whole time.

I end up sitting next to the third gringo guy and after chatting a bit, he joins me for the climb up the 675 steps at the giant rock at El Penol, the walk to Guatape, and for lunch in the town before I head back to Medellin. I’d really rather spend the day on my own, but despite being Ukranian and living in Amsterdam, his Spanish is much better than mine and I don’t mind the navigational assistance. 

The rock we climbed towers over the surrounding landscape, and it’s amazing how they built the zig zag steps up to the top. And the views from the top of the man made lake, and therefore man made islands, are really incredible. Not much to do after taking in the view and grabbing a few shots, so then we made our way down. Getting from the rock to the adjacent small town was about a 40 min walk, and was worth it compared to the 10 min tuk tuk ride because there were some small little hiking sections with some more great views, plus a rickety suspension bridge I got to walk over across the highway.

The town of Guatape was very cute with lots of colorful little houses, each with its own plaques along its frontage, generally representing the industry or profession of those who live there. We walked around a bit, grabbed some food, and then he met up with some other friends and I got the bus back to Medellin. The sign at the entry of the town was my favorite; it listed facts about the town- elevation, population, and temperature. 22 degrees celcius, in print. It is that temperature so frequently that they added it as a fact about the place.

The bus ride back was less eventful than the one in the morning and I successfully made it back to the metro in less than two hours. From there, I transferred to a different tram line, to go explore Comuna 13, historically one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Medellin. It has transformed since then, but is still quite dangerous and tourists are not advised to travel alone. This, says the tourist traveling alone.

But first, I was distracted by the funicular, which is part of the metro system. It doesn’t really go to anywhere safe, but I felt it would be fine to take it to the end of the line and then turn around and come back, which was more than fine - it was the best part of the whole day. The funicular must have hundreds of little pods, each carrying 8 people. The system never stops - it just slows down at the stations for people to get on and off. The ride in each car is smooth and peaceful as you hover over some of the poorest communities, full of cobbled together houses made with cinder blocks and covered with corrugated metal roofs. The most amazing part of the system, however, to me at least, is that the funicular actually has multiple stops along the way - it’s not just taking you from point A to B, but has stations along the way. And it goes so far up into the hills, that it actually goes up and down over the ridges of the hills. It was so much fun that I went all the way to the end, went back to the beginning, and then did the ride all over again. On the way back to the starting point, one of the pods behind us got stuck leaving one of the stations. I was with seven other people, all of them speaking Spanish, and when the whole system stopped working, they started talking to each other and I didn’t have a clue what was really going on except that I did understand the word “pendulum”. Apparently when the pod spacing is off, it throws the whole system off, and everyone has to wait for things to get rebalanced at the next station. In the meantime, hanging in the sky by a cable and stopping abruptly results in all the pods swaying like a pendulum. So I did know what they were talking about. I also picked up a few words here in there about how they even think some of the neighborhoods up in the hills are dangerous. I definitely understood when they said something was dangerous, and when they started talking about cartels. It was kind of amazing that in such a dangerous place that you could get stuck in the air with seven other people but feel totally safe. 

I finally stopped riding the funicular and went via taxi to see the Comuna 13 area. If I wasn’t alone I’d feel safer overall, but the neighborhood between the station and the escalators to the heart of the Comuna 13 didn’t really appeal to me. A taxi was a good idea. I went up the escalators, saw many tourists up there, but still didn’t feel comfortable wandering around much, so made my way back down and got another taxi back to the station. I feel like I wimped out a little, but I feel like I am smart enough to know when I don’t feel safe. 

Back at the main station, I got a train back to the main metro route to go back to the area I was staying. On the train were about six really tall (over 6′) Australian guys that I had seen up by the escalators. They were probably 20 years old, if that, and just hanging out and goofing around on the train. The best part of them being there was that no one in Colombia is 6′ tall and the women sitting next to me were incredulous. I know how to say “grande” and pretended to have some small talk with these women, but after about two words I had to give up and tell them I didn’t speak Spanish. I was then adding to the excitement. One of the women was a girl about 17 years old and she was freaking out. She said “my name is Isabella” to me and I told her my name - the chance to speak English with someone seemed like it was the highlight of the year for her, and I told her the guys were Australian. She nearly fainted. This was way too much excitement for her. Six tremendously tall guys with blond hair and blue eyes  - she looked like she was in heaven. It was hilarious (and also interesting that her and the other women also noticed directly the color of everyone’s eyes - I don’t really think about seeing blue or green eyes as drastically different than brown - different yes, but not unusual). 

I transferred to the other train line and it was so packed and hot in the car that one woman fainted on the train just as I was getting on. It was incredible to watch how people dealt with the situation. Several other passengers picked her up and got her off the train within seconds, another passenger hit the emergency button on the train to alert the police, who came immediately, undid the emergency call, and went to tend to the woman, as the train doors closed and we left the station. No delay to the subway operations. It was amazing! I imagine in NY it would be a 30 minute delay, at a minimum. 

I walked back to the El Poblado neighborhood, bought some souvenirs, had dinner, went back to the hotel, and got my cab to the airport. We drove up the same road I biked on two days ago; I can’t even believe I biked up that hill. But the views were clear so I asked the driver to stop so I could see the views of the city all lit up at night, which he did, before continuing to the airport. 

It’s the beginning of the end. A red-eye flight home with a 9 AM meeting. Not much chance for adjusting to reality...

[thevanessachronicles-blog]

It’s been awhile since I’ve sat here on this bench overlooking the beauty before me. The bench and I know each other well. On it, a dedication engraved:

“in loving memory of Kevin Mottus and Chester Sterr.”

I have no idea of who these people are and how they died but I’m appreciative of the bench dedicated and placed so for people like me.

It’s a quiet beautiful spot, overlooking the prairie with the Rocky Mountains off in the distance. The leaves have turned this rustic yellow and there’s that familiar chill in the wind…. winter is coming.I can hear the motorbikes rattle as they navigate the winding trails below. Like Mosquitos only on steroids. Dodging in and out, far away and yet it’s noise up front and centre.

There’s something new here on the cliff ledge. A cross in memory of another someone who passed away. I wonder what happened? I’ll have to ask around.

Off to my left is a trail leading to the back roads.

To the north of me is a field that once housed a military base. NAV Canada still has their tower here and is somehow connected to the random odd dome shaped buildings in the area. My friends mom said it was like a little town as she used to work here. I think it was razed in the 80’s sometime.

I come here when I’ve got a lot on my mind. When I need to stop thinking and just remember that the wind still blows. The sun still sets. It’s warmth still can be felt within the chill of the air. There is this peace in the quietness as I look at the world below. It’s a time I can lay away all the thoughts and noise of life and be still with my Creator. My Saviour.What’s On the agenda for today?

Well, my daughter today informed me that the most perfect specimen of man aka boy, finally figured out who she is. “It doesn’t matter though” she told me, “dating is for idiots. I’m 12. Even if he was interested I’d tell him to take a hike. I got better things to do. But sure don’t mind if he likes me.” You would think this would settle me but in fact it concerns me more. Boys, especially the muscly sporty type, who like girls who aren’t idiots around them and are somewhat intrigued by a girl that clearly can hold her own in skill and ability. Forget the fact that she is beautiful. I know, I know, every mother says that, but she is. And she’s funny. She’s a leader and not a follower. She’s girlie and yet very much a self proclaimed ungirlie girl aka tomboy. So hence, I exhale slightly, and cautiously give advice knowing she’s going to learn life the hard way. Just like her momma.

My only advice to her was not to fall for a pretty face and smooth talker. Challenge him. Make him show his character because too many fall for a pretty face and shallow character……but my inside self was doing the happy dance about her none interest-interest.

The sun will set and rise again and tomorrow she will be 15 and the next she will be 20. Life goes on. She will live. Meanwhile I think about investing in barrels of wine…or, maybe spiced rum!!!

I am happy to say so far this year has been a much better atmosphere for her and the kids at school. Then again she’s in sport academy. She’s not too happy they put her with the grade 8’s and with mostly boys as she doesn’t know anyone, but this will change. Being the only grade 7 student in her class puts her out of her comfort zone and forces her to face her anxiety. I think it was a good choice. Either way, she’s challenged so that’s a bonus.

Ethan has been applying for new jobs. He got the taste of money and found out that it doesn’t grow on trees so now he’s on a mission. He leaves at the end of the month for a week long hunting trip with my mom and dad, as well as my brother and his three boys.

When my ex offered him a choice between a trip to Disneyland or a trip to Mexico he picked Mexico. Then when he offered him the choice of a trip to Mexico or a hunting trip with my dad, hands down he choose the hunting trip. A freezing his ass off in the cold, sleeping in a wall tent, horse packing, mountain tundra, campfire, hard-working, hunting trip. I’m glad he’s going with my brother and his cousins as they look up to Ethan. This will give them memories that will last a lifetime.

Today was my first day back in GP. Yup that’s right. I’m travelling between two provinces again. Last year I think I’ve put on 45,000 km. My busy season has come to an end which is ok considering most of my hours required at work were spent this summer working overtime. So I have time to be with my kids and enjoy my time with them.

Sometimes I wonder what am I doing? But really when I look at it, it’s no different that a man who works a camp job two weeks in and out. Or a month in/out overseas in the oil and gas industry. Who am I to complain? I’ve been blessed. Grande Prairie has been my home since 2000, Alberta since 1994 and Fraser Lake is my childhood home town with the comfort of my home people and the beauty of British Columbia. It really is the best of both worlds.

Mahdi is heavy on my mind, as per usual.

Sometimes I think about the craziness and strange but amazing events that have unfolded over the past few years. It has been a gradual development of what started as a friendship between two people who knew that there is more to life than our current surroundings – yet on opposing spectrums for sure.

I’ve come to appreciate how much I respect and value someone who knows their priorities. Who has experienced more than their selfish desires and spoiled life styles. Someone who has seen hard times and knows the heartbreak. Sometime though, I’m not going to lie, there are moments when I think it would be so much easier if…….full in the blank.

Over the course of six years I have condensed my belongings to that fits into a Costco 8×10-ish shed plus some. I have thrown away, donated, sold more stuff than I care to remember. If I haven’t used it in a year I don’t need it.

There are moments when I find myself hesitating and I think….wait. Wait. Just hold on a second. I start getting emotionally attached to my stuff and I am fooled into thinking that my value and my worth are in my belongings….

And then I simply toss it into a pile and get rid of it and walk away. It’s just stuff.

It has taken time, a lot of time , and I’m a work in progress. God and his truth is revealed in the moments when life become like a rock tumbler, refining my stubborn character through hardship and struggle. My eyes see a little further. My heart sinks a little deeper and I move towards a closure understanding of who I am, my identity in Christ, my understanding of what fear is, what is important and what are the sacrifices I must do to strive towards them. Many a night I have sob at a closing chapter in my life. I’m sure many more lie in wait and I’m ok with that.

Necessary endings for new beginnings.

Mahdi has always been the listener. That’s how it all started, I made a joke and his english needed some refining so it was mostly him listening as I would ask question after question after question. It wasn’t the first time I had to hold a conversation with a man who didn’t know how to talk to girls.  Most men, no matter what country don’t – if they do, then they are either a salesman or homosexual.  Well, Mahdi was definitely not either.  He would prop his head up on his overextending thumb, resting on his chin. His beard would be sometimes perfectly manicured, atypical to many Middle Eastern men selling hair products in the mall or other times it lay mangled and desperate when he was at the base or out on a mission. Itchy and long. It took sometime to get used to his features as North American men don’t normally have that much facial hair.  Side note: In India I would watch him blow dry his hair and beard, he would take longer in getting ready than the time it would take for both my daughter and I put together.

The man loves make up, too.  The women over there have this insane obsession with make up and being perfect.  I understand the need to stand out and save your beauty for your husband as education and independence are not high on the availability scale.  His mom would be on the phone asking me to curl my hair because they wanted to see blonde hair curled.  A very few select times I would do it.  I would roll my eyes and act like it was the biggest pain-in-the-ass thing to do.  Who curls their hair everyday?  I’m going hiking or playing with the kids or going to the gym.  But I would do it and they would ooooh and ahhhhh.  I was so weird.

I remember one time in India, the day I had a mental break down over the heat, we were at the Akshardham temple.  Even Rose my Armenian friend was hot and she had been living in India for 5 years.  I found out when I got home that apparently it was uncharacteristically hot because people were dying from the heat – it made the news.  I was desperate to cool down so in the middle of the food court where I was sitting under the pathetic shade of a tree, I took my water bottle and dumped it over my head to wet my hair and neck.  Rose freaked out on how it was inappropriate for a girl to be so brazen.  Mahdi laughed at me and said “there’s the Canadian white chick” – with his heavy accent.

I think my greatest moment of appreciation of his culture was the moment I realized he had more of a flare for the bold home decor than I do.  I mean, one of the best things about being single and I can decorate my home as girlie as I want it to be and I have no one to say no.  I found out that you can buy this glitter paint and I was seriously considering painting a small wall in my bathroom with it.  But I restrained myself mostly because of the cost.  Only this scenario is flipped.  I find myself trying to reign him in.  One day this is the picture he had sent when I had said I’m looking to decorate my bedroom:

I burst out laughing “woooooahhhhh there, hold the phone – absolutely not. That is FAR too pink.”  He said ok maybe but it was beautiful and he thought it was women love.  Extreme girlie, bold colours which is also cultural, and excessive primping, because that’s what his mom and sister’s love.  To get ready for a wedding and dress like what we would consider a bridesmaid. Excessive frills and sequins and bold bright concentrated colours…. with ALOT of Gold.  Not diamonds.  Gold.  You should see the dresses they bought me as a gift from India.  I’m pretty sure you could light up the room as a dancing disco ball.  I’m really not sure I could ever wear it out in Canadian public, maybe some latino dance hall, but when I look at them my eyes hurt.  One I actually love, I’m just going to get it tailored to fit proper and not look like some mennonite gone in Vegas.

Everything is so over the top, and I love it.  It’s weird for sure, as most men in North America couldn’t care less about this stuff, unless it just died and was served on their plate, didn’t have too many holes in the armpit or goes BANG, they don’t care.  They just know that a woman magically shows up looking good with her own style.

“Jennel, I love that your wearing lip gloss.  You should try the stuff that goes on darker – lipstick??? and maybe a few deeper shades pink.  Not red though, my mom says when you have white skin and blonde hair it makes a woman look, you know – like a whore.”  Choke, choke….. out I spit my drink of water “MAHDI, (chuckling in shock) just STOP.  There is so much wrong with what you said.  Please don’t EVER say that to a girl.  It’s disrespectful.” – “Oh. I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.”  Still laughing.  Still choking.  I’m used to it though.  His translations are very literal, mix in some culture differences, innocent of intensions and add in North American feministic sensitivity and BOOM –

It’s freaking hilarious!!!!

The thing is, I know he’s just trying to support me in how he knows a woman in being a woman, from his mom  I get it.  As my daughter puts it, “Mom, he’s like having a gay best friend….only he’s not gay…… AND he’s a soldier” as she walks away with this confused grin paired with the I-don’t-know shrug as if to motion “it makes no sense.”

Then there were the moments that dig deep inside me.

There was one time he phoned me in the middle of my night, his voice heavy with concern. I could hear his voice annoyed and yet concerned. He would always validate his emotions with “I’m not afraid to die, everyone dies.” I would add “but not having the opportunity to live is another story.”

It was a cold night. The mission took longer than expected, they didn’t pack enough food and supplies to stay warm and dry. And then complications happened. I could hear the “complications” in the back ground. I had no experience of the reality of what was happening but I knew it was my turn to simply listen. He had asked me to pray for him.  That was the best support I could give him in the moment.  He always told me just enough for me to know the situation but never enough for me to know the situation.  He didn’t want me to worry, or he would wait till after the fact to tell me. There were a few exceptions like this night.  We had ended up losing contact, I would call back and get that automated recording only Farsi, I could only assume she was saying the number I had reached was unavailable.  I’m pretty sure that 10 minute call cost me $80. I’d pay it again.  After I had lost contact, I immediately searched the internet for news headlines in the area that were in English – yet not find any headlines on American sites. Or British. Or Indian. Or Canadian. Nothing. I was about a day later when I told him what I had found trying to find out what happened he answered with:

“NEVER trust reading the news.  It’s all propaganda and lies. It’s all a game”

You know the kind where 95% of the story is true but the 5%  that’s left out is actually major information which changes the whole story. How valuable that 5% is, and yet rarely sought after.  Seems to be a global epidemic.

So it was then that I chose to trust him and wait for the phone call when he got back and do as he had asked.  Pray and leave it in God’s hands.

Mahdi has since left the military and has supported himself with his business -a bike shop. However, the economy is down and terrorism has a way of putting a damper on life let alone the street bike business. He can not afford the extras. So every once in a while, I send his family money for his sisters English and art classes.  I stepped in for the sake of his sister’s education. His mom thanks me everyday for it. His sister has made me many pictures and drawings.  When speaking with Miriam, She and I often speak helping each other out. I would correct her English and she would help me learn some Farsi/Dari.

  How about the time when I was on the phone with him and he was massaging Fatima’s (his mom) arm because she was in pain. She looked terrible and in distress. I told him to take her to the hospital because she might be having a heart attack. Turns out she was. In the end he ended up cashing in all the family savings and gold to send her to Pakistan for surgery with his dad.

Sometimes someone comes into your world and shakes your reality. It’s impact changes you. It’s navigating how to use the life lesson’s is the tricky part.

I can not unchange me. So instead, I help.  It helps me step outside of my world, out of my rut I can find myself in, and appreciate what I have.  I slow down for my kids. I take time for myself.  I get involved.  I say my piece and I learn in the process.

I’m watching the sun finally set and my thoughts become still as I reflect. I’m thinking about my children and navigating through the chaos that is our world raising them. I think about the cost and what I’ve given up so that we make it work. I think about what others give up to make it work like my mom and dad and even my ex. He really has been supportive as an ex husband and a father to my kids, It has effected his life. I can not ignore this. To do so would be selfish.

I think about Mahdi. Whose given up everything and willing to give up more for he knows there’s life outside of his reality.  Just as he has impacted my life, I have impacted his.

And yet its complicated.  Much more complicated than this post can ever suggest. Not just geographic and culturally, but spiritually.

So I sit here and I stare off in the distance and be still. The sun sets. The world’s not so heavy. Peace settles in as I give it all to God, laying those heavy on my heart to rest for the day.  Asking for the courage and the wisdom in what to do next.

Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow is Another Day It's been awhile since I've sat here on this bench overlooking the beauty before me. The bench and I know each other well.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Happy 70th Birthday Stephen King: The 10 Best Horror Adaptations

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Happy 70th Birthday Stephen King: The 10 Best Horror Adaptations

Today our father who art in horror Stephen King turns 70! And I for one thank Maturin, that great big turtle in the sky, every single day that Stephen was born. Just ask yourself “Where would we be without him?” In fact, what would horror be without him?

Stephen King was born in 1947 in Portland Maine. He sold his first professional short story “The Glass Floor” In 1967 while working in an industrial laundry. In 1971, King started teaching high school English, while at nights he continued to write short stories and work on his novels. In 1974 Doubleday published Carrie.  The resulting income allowed him to leave his teaching job to write full-time. Over the next 40 plus years King went on to shape the horror landscape by releasing many genre defining novels including The Shining, Cujo, IT, Salem’s Lot and many more. King has amassed sales of over 350 million books to date, and thankfully isn’t showing any signs of slowing down.

Stephen King is also responsible for some of the most horrifying and nightmare inducing movies ever made. Many of his novels have been adapted into some truly iconic and recognisable horror movies in modern cinema; The Shining, It, Carrie, Christine, and countless others. To celebrate his birthday, a sacred day on my horror calendar, lets countdown my our 10 Stephen King horror movie adaptations.

Selection Criteria

a) Only Horror Movies: – I will only be selecting Stephen’s scary sh*t, so there will be no Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption or Stand By Me. We’re a horror site.

b) The rankings are mine, and are based on how much I liked the film- Not the scope of the cinematography or the maturity of the score blah blah bah. My list. My criteria.

c) I have only ranked movies I have seen. For all I know, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror could be the greatest movie ever based within the King-verse, but I haven’t seen it so it’s not on the list!

And without further ado, The List!

  10 – Carrie (1976)

Hi Carrie, rough night?

Carrie White is a shy and sheltered girl, who after a particularly cruel prank unleashes her deadly telekinetic powers to get vengeance at her high school prom.

Let’s face it. This film is bleak. Sissy Spacek plays awkward so well that you grimace at her every interaction. Add to this the fact that she has clearly been systematically domineered and abused by her religious mother whom I’m pretty sure is the most evil character since Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. In fact the most uplifting moment in Carrie is when Mrs. White gets graphically and ironically killed; impaled on her own symbolism.

Anyway, Carrie kills everyone and lives happily ever after or something.

For me this film boils down to three scenes ranked by how much they terrified me as an 8-year-old boy.

3. The prom scene = mildly freaking out.

2. The hand out of the grave scene = big jump scare made me close my little eyes.

1. The pig murder scene = didn’t sleep for a week. Every time I closed my eyes i heard that poor piggy crying.

  9 – Secret Window (2004)

Wait, what?

Uh oh, early controversy! This probably won’t be a popular choice, but I loved this movie, and remember: My criteria.

Secret window is a psychological thriller about an author named Mort. Recently divorced, he moves to his upstate New York cabin to work on his writing. While there he meets John Shooter, who accuses him of plagiarism and proceeds to torment him seeking justice.

Johnny Depp and John Turturro are easily two of my favourite actors named John. I will eat anything these two dish up and probably ask for more. Their chemistry really carries this film and Turturro’s accent is just plain fun. The mystery aspect of this movie however is the weak point and by the time the twist is revealed, you’ve probably already guessed it. But the way it’s handled is so entertaining that I didn’t begrudge it at all.

  8 – The Dead Zone (1983)

Whoa Chris, Your sex is on fire!

5 years after a car accident leaves him in a coma, Johnny Smith (Christopher Walken) discovers he has the ability to see people’s secrets through any physical contact. With some deeply unsettling visualizations of his premonitions, we follow Johnny as he attempts to navigate his “Dead Zone” and prevent the untimely deaths of those around him.

If you need more incentive? (ahem, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN) it is also directed by David ‘freaking’ Cronenberg! Don’t even bother with the rest of this list, if you haven’t seen The Dead Zone. Cancel your plans for the evening and watch it now.

  7 – 1408 (2007)

Should’ve got the suite upgrade.

*This movie has two endings and while both versions are good, I only have eyes for the darker ending.

Mike Enslin (John Cusack), a paranormal debunker decides to stay in the Dolphin Hotel’s infamous room 1408.  Not long after checking in Mike learns that the stories surrounding room 1408 may not be as embellished as he first believed.

SPOILER ALERT! this hotel room is really f**king haunted! After he ignores the hotel manager’s (Samuel L Jackson) extremely convincing and rational speech, it doesn’t take Mike very long to realize his monumental error. This movie is tense and unnerving from start to finish. 

  6 – Christine (1983)

Dope ride bro!

A nerdy teenager (Arnie) buys a vintage car (Christine) that has supernatural abilities and a sinister, violent nature. As Arnie’s obsession with Christine develops, his friends notice that the car’s not so pleasant nature is starting to influence its owner.

John Carpenter directs a movie about a kick ass red car, that actually seems possessed by a demon, but don’t let this seemingly campy premise put you off. This movie is awesome as Christine is evil. The badass Red Plymouth Fury owns every scene it’s in with its larger than life presence, deep rumbling voice and inherent menace.

  5 – Pet Sematary (1989)

I’m never making waffles again.

Behind a family home, in Maine, there is an old cemetery that holds the secret to life and death. When Tragedy strikes the Creed family, the lure of this power becomes too tempting to ignore.

Pet Sematary (spelt wrong on purpose) is a movie about a family who move into a new house that’s on a surprising busy road. Soon after they lose their small child in a tragic accident. Louis (Dale Mikiff) learns of the old pet cemetery and it’s apparent ability to bring the dead back to life (yay!) but they also seem to come back a little evil (boo!). This movie is full of fantastic nightmare fuel. I still cringe every time I think of sweet little, creepy AF child, slicing open poor old Jud’s Achilles tendon.

  4 – IT (2017)

So much happiness in one place…

The newest film on the list, and it was only through sheer force of will it wasn’t number 1. For those of you who live under a rock, IT is about a group of kids called ‘The Losers Club’ who are taunted by a monster in the form of an extremely disturbing turn-of-the-century era clown.

This movie is so much fun. Sure, its full of terror. Sure, I haven’t slept in a week. But, it captures the innocence and humour of being a kid so perfectly, it almost made me wish I grew up in Derry….except, of course- for the evil clown trying to eat everyone.

  3 – The Mist (2007)

Oh God, no!

You guessed it- This one is about a strange Mist that descends on a small town (probably in, Oh I don’t know- Maine). Along with the unexplained weather pattern come terrible monsters that pick off the town folk one-by-one. No one knows where it came from or how to get rid of it.

We spend the majority of this film in a grocery store, where the monsters outside are not necessarily the biggest threat. A great creature feature, The Mist is fun, action packed and dramatic (especially that ending!). Actually, maybe you should just press stop once they drive into the mist near the end, because the last 5 minutes is so dark,  it will definitely break your heart.

  2 – Creepshow 2 (1987)

UNCONFIRMED photo of Miley Cyrus at the kids choice awards.

I’m sure this one needs no description, but Creepshow 2 is a horror anthology of tales based on Stephen King stories. The first segment follows a cigar-store Native American statue coming to life to avenge the death of the shop owner and his wife. The Raft features a group of sexy teens travel to a secluded lake to swim and have fun. Problem is there is an evil organism living in the lake that is hungry for some nubile flesh. The final installment follows a woman who hits a hitchhiker with her car and decides to flee the scene, but the victim isn’t inclined to remain dead.

This was my favourite movie growing up! A brilliant collection of twisted, and timeless vignettes. The wrap around animation is a lot of fun too, telling the story of little Billy and his bullies.

  1 – The Shining (1980)

You could’ve just knocked, Jack.

There is no other number one.

In The Shining, Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) takes a job as winter caretaker at the isolated Overlook Hotel in Colorado, hoping to cure his writer’s block. Psychic premonitions plague his son Danny. As Jack’s writing goes nowhere, young Danny’s visions become more intense. Jack discovers the hotel has dark secrets and he begins to unravel, terrorizing his family as he spirals downward into madness.

The pamphlet for the Overlook Hotel should just read: Overlook Hotel, where a bunch of jerk ghosts live. Poor Danny, his “Shining” ability along with a childish love of exploration, open him up to some serious spectral harassment. This movie builds tension to perfection. In fact one of my favourite characters in the film is Dick Halloran. When Dick is on-screen there is usually a slight respite from the heavy tension. 

This movie is a classic that every horror fan needs to see at least once.. no, twice.

  Honorable Mentions

Misery, Creepshow, Silver Bullet and Cujo

  Thanks for making my life more entertaining Stephen! And please, keep the nightmares coming! Let us know in the comments below your top Horror Adaptations from Stephen King!

[corneliussteinbeck]

GSS Spotlight: Concita Thomas

Name: Concita Thomas Age: 40 Location: Dallas, TX

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? Being a Girl Gone Strong means that I take ownership of my life and results — both the good and the bad. I acknowledge that my actions influence my outcomes. If I don’t like the outcomes that I am getting from the gym or from life, it is up to me to take different actions. It also means that I accept that outcomes aren’t guaranteed — even when I do my part. I get to balance determination and patience. The determination is to do my part and the patience is to allow God to do His part. The patience part isn’t my strong suit, but I am working on it.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I have been strength training regularly for the last 14 years. However, I started playing around with weights about 26 years ago — back when Step and Sculpt classes were popular.

What does your typical workout look like? Most times I am training to be able to keep up with my kids and feel good in my clothes so I don’t usually follow a strict training program. My aim is to get the most work done in the shortest amount of time. I stick to basic primary movements and get creative with my exercise stacking and rest periods to challenge myself. My workouts always includes some mix of squats, deadlifts, push-ups, pull-ups, and combination movements like squat and press or lunge and upright row. However, I do enjoy training shoulders and glutes for aesthetic purposes. So, sometimes I add extra isolation moves for those areas.

Favorite Lift: Deadlift! There is something so empowering about lifting heavy weight off of the floor. Plus, the skill carries over beautifully into real life. Moving furniture solo really is no big deal and I like that.

My second favorite is the Turkish Get-Up. I don’t practice it in the gym often anymore. However, when I became a mom, I really appreciated all of the TGU practice I had done.

There is something magical about being able to get off the floor with a 30-pound toddler who is fast asleep on top of you without requiring any help.

And, getting her into bed without waking her up makes me feel like a superhero.

Most memorable PR: I have two. Doing three unassisted pull-ups and doing deadlifts for reps with 215 pounds. These happened around the same time. This was during a brief stint when I decided to train for strength rather than for conditioning or aesthetics. It was pretty exciting to see how strong I could get in such a short amount of time. However, I didn’t keep training that way for long. At the time, I was more interested in training for obstacle races and keeping my workouts short.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist: What is that? Seriously, I have to admit that I don’t even have one anymore. Most days, I slip into the gym early in the morning as quietly as possible so that I don’t wake up anyone in my family. Most times, I just enjoy the silence before my family wakes up. Other times, I listen to a sermon from church or turn on Pandora radio. The station varies depending on my mood. Sometimes it is Instrumental Hip Hop or 90s Hip Hop. Other times, it is Neo-Soul. If my daughter wakes up and joins me, it is the Toddler Music station. Super weird selections but I just go with whatever mood I am in that day.

Top 3 things you must have at the gym or in your gym bag: My sports bra is the only requirement. No sports bra, no workout.

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? I like a mix of both, but I train alone most times. I am extremely outgoing and give a lot of my energy when I engage with others. My workout time is my time alone to replenish that energy. Plus, my workout time varies wildly depending on my family schedule, work schedule, and my daughter’s sleeping patterns. I prefer not to add coordinating times to that mix.

I like to train with others from time to time though mostly to push myself. Every time I work out with someone else who is serious about training, it pushes me to level up even more. It isn’t about outdoing the other person but partner training helps me to see where I am holding back or staying in my comfort zone. I like that.

Most embarrassing gym moment: Well this has happened more than once. But, I would have to say I find it pretty embarrassing when I am really struggling on the last leg of a tough dropset. I promise no one ever walks by on the big bad heavy sets but the parade begins as soon as I am struggling with the lightest weight. It is kind of comical. The weird looks are hilarious.

Most memorable compliment you’ve received lately: The other day, my husband sent me a text to tell me that I was really doing a good job with life in general. It was right after I had screwed something up. So, it was the perfect little reminder that I don’t have to execute perfectly every single time. Doing my best and caring still trumps everything else.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: I told my friend that she was better than she realizes at what she does for a living and that she can totally charge more. Funny part is that I am her client too.

Favorite meal: Any seafood meal that involves well seasoned crab or shrimp works for me.

Favorite way to treat yourself: Hands down… A VACATION! I love to travel.

Favorite quote: “To whom much is given, much is required.”

What inspires and motivates you? My ancestors and my family inspire me. When I remember all of the obstacles that those who came before me have navigated, it makes my day to day problems seem miniscule. I look at their sacrifices and triumph and know that I can handle what’s on my plate. Looking forward to the legacy that I want to leave for my family gets me going on the good days and keeps me going on the bad ones.

What do you do? I am a Food & Fitness Strategist. Sounds fancy but that means that I help women who are on a weight loss journey figure out how to move and eat in a way that gives them results without making the process a second job. I do that through my Coaching Club and one on one coaching.

What else do you do? Whenever I get a chance, I travel. Even if I just go across town to a hotel where someone else is responsible for making the beds. Outside of that, I enjoy trying adventurous activities. So far, I have tried speed boating, riding an ATV, stand-up paddleboarding, and indoor surfing. Skydiving is still on the list. I haven’t found that one thing that I do over and over again. Although, stand-up paddleboarding is the one that I have done most often.

Describe a typical day in your life: Most days, I get up around 4:30 a.m. That is my time for reading the Bible, drinking coffee, and working out. After my workout, I shower and get dressed and wake up my family. The morning is spent making breakfast and lunch and preparing to do morning drop off. After everyone is dropped off, I work. Depending on the day, work includes training clients in person, doing coaching calls with my online clients, writing articles or workouts, and interacting on social media.

I am usually able to squeeze in a leisure walk while I check in with clients online. I’m sure I look strange pacing up and down the street while staring at my phone but that works for me. Work lasts until around 2 p.m. At that point, I hop in the car to go get the kids. Pick up is followed by homework, after school activities, dinner prep, and family time. After the kids are all showered and in bed, I get to hang out with my husband. I am usually asleep by 10 p.m.

Your next training goal: I just signed up to do an Urban Dash. I haven’t done obstacle races for at least three years — definitely before I was pregnant with my daughter. So, I have included more running drills in my training and brought pull-ups back into the rotation.

For what are you most grateful? I am most grateful for choices.As I get older, I take that for granted a lot less.

Whenever I am struggling with a tough decision, I remind myself that I am extremely fortunate to have a choice. I am grateful that in many situations, I get to decide.

Of what life accomplishment do you feel most proud? I would say my first experience with natural childbirth felt like a major accomplishment. Pushing out humans without medicine was hard. It was one of the longest and most intense workouts I have ever endured. I went into it fully realizing that there were no guarantees but determined to do my part to make it happen.

So the backstory is that outside of the gym, I do not tolerate pain well. Actually, I just avoid it. For example, my doctor still uses pediatric needles on me whenever I get blood work because the bigger ones hurt. So, you can imagine the doubt that my husband had when I announced that I wanted to have a natural childbirth.

While we were going through our Bradley Method classes, he kept reminding me that I didn’t have to do this if I changed my mind. For some reason, I felt that this was the path for me. I couldn’t really explain it. I just knew it. The experience was a physical representation to me of what is possible when make a commitment and get the right training to do something you feel called to do.

I often draw on that experience when I face hard things or I am tempted to give up on something that I know I am called to do.

Which three words best describe you? Optimistic, Resilient, and Tenacious

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve experienced from strength training? I get a kick out of being able to do things that people assume that I can’t. So whether it is carrying all of my groceries and my toddler into the house in one trip, lifting my toddler and her stroller onto the rental car bus at the airport, or beating my son’s friend and his mom in a foot race after school, I just like feeling capable beyond expectation. That smile on my son’s face after we won was a nice little bonus too. To me, physical capability is a silent message to take me seriously — even beyond physical stuff.

How has lifting weights changed your life? I have always been tenacious, but I have always been a big rule follower. I tended to expect things to always turn out right if I took the right steps.

I think lifting weights has made me more comfortable with unpredictable progress.

Lifting weights has taught me that you can do everything right and things still may not turn out the way you expect. The process has taught me to accept that things getting ugly before they work is OK and sometimes a necessary and valuable part of the process.

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? Try it. You may like it. If you don’t like it, you can always stop. There really is nothing to lose!

The post GSS Spotlight: Concita Thomas appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

from Blogger http://corneliussteinbeck.blogspot.com/2017/08/gss-spotlight-concita-thomas.html

[technologyasyouwish-blog]

Ten Things I Wish I Knew When I Started 'Mass Effect: Andromeda'

This week has been interesting. This is probably the most hours per day I have ever put into a game in order to hit an embargo in such a short time span. I woke up every day at 6 AM, started up Mass Effect: Andromeda, and played for 10 or 11 hours straight. 60 hours of the campaign later, plus some multiplayer, and here I am.

My official scored review went up yesterday, which is 3,400 words of detailed thoughts and opinions about the game. I suggest you go and read that if you want my full analysis, as today, launch day, I have a different task: To impart some practical wisdom from all that time spent with the game.

This is a game where you’re going to want to know a few things up front to help with your experience, so hopefully my advice will be useful. Here are ten things I wish I knew before I started Mass Effect: Andromeda. No story spoilers follow.

1. Don't Use Default Sarah Ryder

All anyone can talk about in the run-up to the release of Mass Effect: Andromeda has been the often awkward animations with human characters. While this is something of an issue, and I do wish more improvement had been made in the last five years, it does not define the experience. One thing I would recommend, however, is not using the game’s default Sarah Ryder model.

While Scott Ryder is a perfectly normal pre-rendered face, something is just off about Sarah Ryder’s visage. It’s based on a real-life model, but something got lost in translation, and it just does not look right in the game. A lot of the early game footage you’ve seen has her talking and it just looks uncomfortable. If you want to play female Ryder (as I did), I would definitely design your own rather than using Sarah. I spent a decent amount of time making my Ryder look acceptable, and lo and behold, that does translate into the game itself. While there are animation issues elsewhere in the game, I found that my custom Ryder never looked as strange as Sarah Ryder has in all these previews. Not to say whoever you make has to be some supermodel, but Sarah is not the ideal face for this game purely from an animation perspective, so I would suggest forging your own path in that regard.

2. Don't Quit After The First Two Planets

I said this in both my early preview and my review, but Andromeda does a very poor job introducing players to the new open world concept because of how bad the first two planets are. Eos is a radioactive wasteland that throws up invisible walls in the form of a toxic environment when you stray too far. Havarl is a confusing mess of a jungle planet where you cannot even use your car, and fighting enemies you can’t even see through overgrown shrubbery is a nightmare.

I’m here to say it gets better. Without getting into specifics, you’re able to make Eos a lot more friendly to exploration as the zone expands dramatically in size with its toxic barriers lifted. And the last three planets you find, Voeld, Kadara and Eladeen, are without a doubt the game’s strongest environments, both in terms of their visuals, and how fun they are to navigate. There’s also a bonus planet you’ll find later that’s the most fun to drive around by far, but I’ll leave that one a surprise. My point is that even if you think Andromeda has made a serious mistake going open world judging by the first two planets (which is exactly what I thought), power through and get to the other environments, which are way better.

3. Turn The Nomad Into The Mako As Soon As Possible

Part of how much you’re going to enjoy the open world is how much you enjoy driving around your Nomad, and for reasons that remain unclear to me, the vehicle is designed to make you hate it when you first start using it. It’s slow, sluggish and can barely navigate even the most basic of terrain like mild slopes.

You have the power to change this, and upgrade the Nomad into something more accurately resembling the Mako from the original Mass Effect. In order, the upgrades you should research in implement are six-wheel drive, which lets you climb slopes faster, a longer boost capability, better top speed, and a longer hover capability. Combine those together and you can race up pretty much every cliff in the game and get hang time over sand dunes and mountains alike. These upgrades were the key to enjoying navigating these planets, so get them as soon as you can. They’ll be in your R&D station, and new ones are added as time goes on or you find/buy more.

4. Invest In The Cache Finding Upgrade

As you play, you will get points to invest in the Nexus, unlocking different “cryo pods” that give you passive bonuses in the game, rather than specific bonuses to your character like the R&D system. A few of these are useful, like getting materials and such delivered to you regularly, but I would only deem one upgrade absolutely essential: the cache finder.

This upgrade will put a smattering of treasure chests across any planet you explore. These chests are in such remote locations most of the time, you would usually never find them without this upgrade, and they often contain very valuable gear that would have been much harder to find, craft or purchase otherwise. These caches will scale to your level, so don’t hunt them down all at once, and spread them out over the course of the game.

5. Here's How The Ridiculously Confusing Crafting System Works

I really, really hate the crafting system in this game, but by the end I mostly have it figured out. It’s convoluted and awful, but it can be used to make the best items in the game. Here’s what you need to know.

   The Research half of crafting uses three types of tech, Milky Way, Kett and Remnant. You get points in this tech for scanning objects in the wild. Everywhere you go, always check with your scanner to see if there’s something to add. If so, it will glow. Scan every type of enemy you come across as well, living or dead. Your controller will rumble if you’re by something very valuable to scan, but ABS – always be scanning.    You have to research each level of an item, and there are 10 levels of every item, not just five the way it initially appears. The problem with this system is that even if you have a lot of scanning currency, you will use up almost all of it on just a few items per class if you’re researching upgraded versions of items. Pick your favorites, and stick with them.    Do not bother researching N7 armor. It will obviously be attractive, but eventually you unlock a Nexus perk for vendors who will sell more “special gear,” and guess what? A full N7 set is part of the product line. I wasted probably 1,200 Milky Way research credits on this.    You can add mods to weapons and armor as you craft them, which will give you innate bonuses. But when you upgrade to the next level of an item, those bonuses are gone, right? No. The game does not explain this at all, but you can dismantle your old crafted item and get all those mods back for future use. You only get a fraction of the minerals and materials, but all the mods should come back. It is crazy this isn’t made clear.

That should get you started. I hate this system but focusing on a few specific weapons, I did manage to craft some pretty great stuff by the end of the game.

6. Squadmates You Don't Like At Hour Three You May Love By Hour Thirty

I’m going to take a guess and say that many of the characters, particularly the crew members, you meet in Mass Effect: Andromeda you won’t take to right away. I felt this way about the initial two squadmates the game gave me, Liam and Cora, and then I thought that the hyper Asari Peebee was going to annoy me all game. That was true at first, but you have to give them a chance.

Having conversations with everyone, taking them on missions, and doing their loyalty quests will make you bond with them. Liam and Cora became two of my best buds on the ship, and Peebee uh, well let’s just say we became more than friends, even though my original intention was to romance my science officer Suvi. I just spent so much time with Peebee that I liked her, and it seemed like the right path. These kinds of relationships take dozens of hours to develop, so don’t expect to love everyone right away.

Also, side note. At a certain point, your romantic “choice” seems to be permanent. While I could flirt with everyone for a long time, once Peebee and I declared we wanted to be “exclusive,” I no longer even had the option to flirt with anyone else in conversation. So if you’re presented with that sort of ultimatum by whoever you’re romancing, know that’s what it probably means. But yes, I know there is a way to have a three-way in this game, but you can find that on your own.

7. Loot Containers Are Very Easy To Miss

One thing I don’t really get about Andromeda is its desire to hide loot containers from players. Many games will highlight them either on a minimap or in the environment, but Andromeda does neither so they are incredibly easy to overlook.

One problem is that pretty much any shape in the environment can be a loot container, so you have to wander around pretty close to almost everything to see if you get a prompt to open it. Some containers have a light blue shading that highlights them a bit but many don’t and it’s often hard to see. Scanning does not reveal containers either.

Nearly all landmarks will have at least one “big” chest with more stuff in it, so don’t leave until you find it. Cleared landmarks with no more stuff to get in them will turn blue on your map, but I swear sometimes I couldn’t figure out what I was missing. Also, at the end of story missions during boss fights, look around for a big loot container that will usually have a hefty prize in it. I am positive I missed quite a few of these during my first few missions before I figured this out.

8. You Can Save Preset Skill/Specialty Loadouts

Combat is a lot of fun in Mass Effect: Andromeda, and it’s made even more fun by its flexibility. It took me a while to figure this out, but you can actually save up to four preset power/class loadouts for your character in the skills screen. This will save the three powers you’re using and their assigned buttons, but also your class. Unlike past ME games, you can actually switch classes on the fly, based on how many points you’ve sunk into Combat, Tech or Biotics. For example, I had a hybrid Biotic/Combat build which let me pick between Soldier, Adept or Vanguard classes that I could flip between. Pick your skills and your class and even in the middle of combat you can totally change your play style.

9. Shotguns Are Stupidly Overpowered

I would rarely call for something to be nerfed in a PvE game like Andromeda, but by the end, the damage imbalance between my shotguns and everything else I was using was absolutely crazy. If you have even a halfway decent sustain build (like mine, which focused on shields), you can shred pretty much every single enemy in the game with nonstop shotgun blasts. At first, shotguns are limited by their small ammo pool, but upgrades and skills fix that, and it got to the point where if I felt like if I was using anything else, I was just being inefficient. If you don’t know where to sink combat points, you really cannot go wrong with shotguns.

10. You Can Keep Playing Normally After The Story Ends

I am certainly not going to get into ending spoilers here, but in a game like Mass Effect, players are going to want to know if there’s a hard or soft ending -- meaning if they beat the game, if they can keep playing and do the stuff they missed. The answer is definitely yes.

The ending of Andromeda is structured that you can not only keep playing the game and doing missions you missed with no penalty, but it’s not even one of those situations where you’re playing in the final save point before being told to go to the last mission. No, the main storyline can end and you are free to keep doing stuff.

With that said, if you want to be safe, you may want to consider doing at least your crew’s loyalty missions and the main planetary story missions before the last few missions. I do not actually know if there’s a downside to not doing that, but that’s been the case in past games, so it’s possible you might be risking something here. But since I did them, I can’t say for sure what happens if you don’t. But yeah, the point is don’t worry about finishing every little thing before the end, which is what I did. It isn’t necessary.

Alright, that’s all the advice I have for now. I may be back with more, but that should be enough to get you started. Happy exploring, and enjoy.