#personally we're trying to balance between these 'fractions' but

[achairwithapandaonit]

I wish you would write a fic where... Ran, Conan and Haibara are skaters? Could be a skater AU, could be just an aside of canon, however you want. (Brought to you by me remembering these very cute figure/illustrations where they're skating! Ill show them to you if you remind me to)

this is definitely not what you were asking but there is a skateboard and ran, conan, and haibara lol. also i haven't proof read and didn't really know where i was going with this so there's no telling how good this is

Ordinarily, babysitting the shounen tantei-dan would be a lot of fun. Their earnest enthusiasm is always infectious, and the way they all look to Conan-kun like ducklings to a mother tugs at Ran's heartstrings and makes her want to coo. Conan's adult posturing is especially cute.

Sitting on a bench at the park, watching the children crowd around Conan as he tries to teach them how to use his skateboard, Ran can only feel empty.

"Ayumi's got it now for sure!" Ayumi-chan says, puffing out her cheeks as she tries to balance on the skateboard. Her legs shake beneath her from the determination behind her attempt.

"Well done, Ayumi-chan!" Mitsuhiko says.

"Go for it, Ayumi!" Genta cheers her on. "Soon you'll be better than even Conan!"

Conan raises an eyebrow. "Oi, oi," he sighs. Still, he steps forward and gives the back of the skateboard a nudge. "Now you've just got to learn to get it moving without falling over."

Ayumi wobbles and steps off the skateboard with a pout, grabbing hold of Conan's arm for balance. "That sounds hard," she whines.

"Aha," Conan says dryly. "So you're just not gonna try, huh."

"It's fine as long as we're friends with Conan-kun! Since you can do so many things it means Ayumi can do so many things too!"

"Yeah! You're expecting too much here, Conan!"

"Aren't you the ones who asked for my help?"

"Still..."

Beside her Ai-chan calmly flips through a fashion magazine, unconcerned with the scene.

"My turn!" Genta says, jumping onto the skateboard. He wobbles dangerously.

"Eh?! You're gonna fall over, Genta!"

"Be careful!"

"Don't push off yet, Genta-kun!"

Ran winces as Genta trips over the skateboard. She goes to get up, but...hesitates.

"Ow, ow, ow," Genta winces, clutching at his grazed knee.

Conan cuffs him lightly on the head. "Barou," he says, exasperated fondness leaking into his tone. Then, looking in Ran's direction, slightly to the left (because he can't meet her eyes these days), "Oi, Haibara! You got any bandaids on you?"

Ai closes the magazine between her palms, a quick movement as if she'd been anticipating this call to action. As she gets up, folding the magazine into her inner coat pocket, her cold gaze lingers on Ran for a fraction of a second. She quickly moves along, joining the children and leaving Ran by herself.

Ran can't help but be relieved to not have the girl sitting beside her anymore.

-

"It bothers you, doesn't it."

The statement is said dryly. Ran heaves in a breath, eyes straying down to the small girl walking beside her. Ahead of them, the shounen tantei-dan and Conan are slowly making their way along the pavement, Ayumi holding onto Conan's hand as she tries to move the skateboard along.

"Um...I'm not sure what you're talking about?" Ran says. She tries to keep her hesitance out of her voice but she knows that Ai picks up on it.

What couldn't Ai pick up on, being who she is.

"You've been keeping watch for a week now," Ai observes. "Yet you still can't seem to see Kudou-kun and Edogawa-kun as the same person."

Ran swallows. "I..."

"You don't want to see them that way. Because as soon as you do, you lose something, right? You're wondering which one it will be - the boy you're in love with, or your beloved little brother."

Ran drags her eyes from Ai, focusing on the children in front of them. Ayumi's let go of Conan's hand by now. She's doing very well on her own.

Conan looks impressed.

"Can you blame me?" Ran asks, throat dry.

Ai looks at her for a second before flicking her gaze away.

"I suppose not," she offers. "Really, you have my sympathy."

Ran's been learning that Ai is the kind of person to say what she means without hesitation, so she knows the girl's probably not lying. Still, the knowledge doesn't do anything to temper the tension Ran feels between them.

Folding her arms behind the small of her back, Ai steps past Ran so she's walking just in front of her.

"You'll lose them both if you keep it up," she says. "You know that Edogawa-kun and Kudou-kun are one and the same now, so there's no point in trying to separate them. You'll waver because of your uncertainty forever, and eventually the connection the two of you have will fade away until you're just strangers. It would be a shame if that happened, don't you think?"

Ai doesn't wait for a response before pacing ahead and joining the others.

-

The week has been a hard one, filled to the brim with an overloading intensity that her father has easily picked up on. As Ran stares into the fridge, trying to cobble together some kind of recipe to make with the ingredients they have, Kogoro leans into the kitchen, knocking on the wall to get her attention.

"Oi, Ran," he says. "Me and the brat are gonna eat at Poirot. You wanna come?"

True to his word, Ran can see Conan lingering behind her dad. He doesn't look like he wants to be there, but Kogoro's gotten into a habit of bullying Conan into going places with him this whole week. He thinks they're arguing, and she supposes they are. In a way.

It's an argument without words or any kind of a point. Ran got past her anger already, so all that's left is whatever this halfway point is.

Usually Ran says no to Kogoro's offer, but...

"You'll lose them both if you keep it up."

"Sure," Ran says, closing the fridge door.

She swallows past the lump in her throat and decides that maybe it's worth it to lose Shinichi, if only so she can get to know him again.

[ouathinktank-metacommentary]

I agree with your last anon, that level of analysis is always appreciated, especially since critical part of the fandom either left (to do actual activist work?) or became weirdly personal (spitting bile at actors, based on ridiculous assumptions). But I disagree with their assessment of "wishful thinkers". They are not naive. Queer narrative analysis doesn't simply equal "endgame!", there's much more there. Sounds like anon didn't read too much before putting them all in the same box?

Well, it’s not really our thing to address that here, butisn’t that what everyone’s doing–putting people in boxes, then putting labelson boxes regardless of content, then argue over the labels? I mean, we here wereimmediately dubbed as ‘haters’ because we rejected some random dude as Regina’sLI, those who were loud on twitter about rapeculture in Captain Swan were ‘badapples’, everyone shipping Swan Queen was a man-hating lesbian (yeah, I know–it’sfunny, in a… really ironic, sad and moronic kind of way) and similarly–everyoneanalyzing queer narrative in Once Upon a Time is still being dismissed as ‘delusional’?

It rather sounds like some people in this fandom acceptedwhat’s being thrown at us from all sides in our lives–gaslighting, to the pointthat we now gaslight each other? Also, dismissing on merits of… well, thelabel on the box? So I guess… *shrug* If Anon believes that ‘wishful thinkers’(which I assume by saying ‘dumb’ they probably meant the DP bunch?) are naive,then I can only hope that it’s because they… scratched the surface in order toconfirm their suspicions? Or if not, they can perhaps still address the content directly at the source andthrough hopefully constructive conversation–they can see if they can find somelogic, reason and level-headedness there, too? Because the least that we cansay is that, yeah–while you simply can’t talk to that first group that theymention, the ‘industry insighters’ (who ‘call people gross and stupid if theydisagree’ like typical tyrants, because of their general arrogance, patronizing stance and over-inflatedegos basically, and yeah, we know that really well–they tried to bully us too, rallying theircliques and all) I’m sure the DP bunch would love you to challenge theirtheories, on the other hand? By addressing to any of the specifics rather than…mislabeling them as naive and dismissing as delusional based on… face value, realy? ‘Cause as far as we here know, not everyone there is in the same‘endgame’ brigade, but they’ve all been getting the brunt end of… some reallymisplaced rage. Of those angry at the show and the showrunners, really. Notthe actors or… least of all other fans, for ‘selling people false hope’. Peopleare basically just coming into an old fractioned fandom and have accepted allthese barriers that don’t reflect what’s actually there, you know?

And if some feel validated in their experiencesthrough that queer reading of the show that the ‘wishful thinkers’ seem tofacilitate, then who are we to deny them that right?

[up-sideand-down]

6. ASGZC

Send me a NUMBER & PAIRING and I’ll write a little something.

6. A Kiss of Relief

Based off this AU (also from you!)

"Hey, you're awake," Zack couldn't keep the joy out of his voice. It didn't mean too much that Cloud's eyes were open and blinking, but it always gave Zack a bit more hope that Cloud would snap out of it.

"Nnnn," Cloud groaned, his head lolled a little, but it was almost a response.

"Hungry?" Zack said, "we've got a little more jam and bread left from that roadstop the day before yesterday. Tasted good." Zack slathered their last slice with the rest of the jam. He tested Cloud's arm. He held the slice for a moment before his fingers twitched and let go. Zack held Cloud's hand in his, helping him hold, and guided it towards Cloud's mouth.

Cloud's head lolled a bit, but he seemed to perk up when he realized it was food. Zack felt so relieved when Cloud opened his mouth and took a bite all on his own.

Then he did it again, and again.

"Good, right?" Zack said, "I'm gonna miss this stuff." Cloud managed to eat the whole thing on his own. His eyes stayed open when he finished, another good sign.

"You up for walkin'?" Zack asked, "It's a lovely day. We should make it to Kalm before long. Maybe for lunch!" Cloud blinked and said nothing. Zack accepted it as a yes.

"Let's go!" Zack hefted Cloud up by holding him under the arms. Cloud rose up. Zack tested Cloud's balance. Cloud held his position for a bit before starting to fall. Zack caught him and wrapped an arm around his own neck.

"Just one foot in front of the other," he said. The first few steps were more of a drag, but then Cloud started lifting his feet.

"You got it," Zack said, "we're zooming." Cloud stopped and started a few times, but more than half the time he was walking while being supported on Zack. It was a lot faster than Zack's pace alone.

"You're doing great," Zack said, "You might even be awake when we meet up with...with..." he trailed off. His heart couldn't take it. He'd give anything to see any of their faces again.

He left coordinates for where they were headed, always hoping one of them remembered and was decoding it. He hoped they were between being vigilantes against ShinRa. He saw them on the news more than once...but that wasn't the same as in person. Not even close. He swallowed thickly.

"You might be awake when we leave Kalm," Zack said. Cloud's head lolled as he tried to lift it and failed. Zack laughed and gave a weak ruffle.

"Keep marching Soldier," Zack huffed, "just keep marching."

Kalm was close. It was just past noon. They'd rest good tonight, that was for sure. Cloud's strength was starting to flag a bit, but he walked for far longer than Zack could ever hope for.

"I'm impressed," Zack said, "You're a stubborn little shit though, so I should raise my expectations." Cloud groaned, then groaned again, trying to lift his arm almost.

"What's up?" Zack asked, "What do you.." Zack trailed off.

The person in front of them looked achingly like Angeal. Just a bit more rough and tumble and with longer hair. His heart skipped a beat and he didn't dare to hope.

"They're here!" he shouted, his voice sounding like Angeal's, "They're here!"

Zack wondered if this was a trap for just a fraction of a second.

"Genesis, Sephiroth!" Angeal said, "Zack and Cloud! They're here!" Angeal suddenly broke out into a sprint. Zack felt himself crushed into an embrace. A hug that had literally been waiting for years.

He closed his eyes, feeling tears well up.

The hug ended too soon. Gentle hands lifted his face up and he felt kisses getting peppered all over his face.

"You're alive," Angeal sobbed.

"You found us," Zack said. Suddenly he was pulled into another hug, he struggled to hold on to Cloud. If he let go of Cloud, Cloud would fall.

He looked and saw Genesis hold Cloud when he lost his hold. Genesis fretted over him, stroking his hair and saying soft things to Cloud, like Zack had been doing the whole time.

Zack turned back into his embrace in time to catch a kiss from Sephiroth.

He realized he never had seen Sephiroth cry. Slowly they all held each other as they collapsed to the ground. Zack let out a years worth of sobs. He held strong for Cloud...but now he wasn't alone.

They had looked, they had followed.

It took a few moments to pull apart, but they didn't let go. Cloud was sandwiched between Angeal and Sephiroth, held up between them and standing up for the first time in a long time. Genesis supported Zack, one of Zack's arms around his neck. He felt so tired all of a sudden. But it was okay.

He and Cloud were home.

[nightowlwriting]

summary: caleb is not so sure that he deserves the kindness you've done for him. you're sure that he deserves so much more, and you plan to show him in small increments so that you don't scare him away. the shopping trip is only the beginning. (part 3/13 of the kindness series, a thematically connected series of c2/exu imagines)

word count: 2.1k

warnings: caleb's low self-esteem, mentions of political corruption, set early in c2

note: i am only on ep16 of c2 so that's where we're at folks, also my german is so so so rusty so uhhh hope it's right but any germans want to correct me feel free lmfao

masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Caleb Widogast is a jumpy, jumpy man. You assume it’s for good reason - he’d confided in the group that he met Nott in jail and, well, typically people don’t go to jail unless they’ve done something.

(Although, the more that you adventure with the Mighty Nein you’re not so sure that’s true. It seems like corruption runs deep in the Empire, and you’ve only scratched the surface.)

Still, he is far jumpier than even Nott, and she’s a goblin in the Empire. You watch him, sometimes, and cringe when he flinches. It’s not pity that makes you start being nice to Caleb, but that does color your actions in the beginning. You are of the firm belief that he is a good person, that all of the Nein are, and that they deserve kindness. Caleb most of all. He is so hard on himself and no amount of coaxing from the rest of the group can get him to ease up. Not even Nott, and she functions as his pseudo-mother. But you want him to loosen up, want more of those moments where he makes a joke with a straight face, only to crack a small smile when the group looks away from him. (You try not to look away, craving those moments where you can see the smile light up his face.) When your group arrives in Zadash, you make it your mission to get Caleb to feel some sort of positive emotions about himself.

Or some sort of positive emotion that’s not scarred by whatever happened in his past. You want him to be happy, to heal from whatever keeps him held back from joking with the rest of you. It doesn’t even matter if he reciprocates how you feel about him - you don’t really care. You can love him from afar, be kind to him, and that will be enough for you. He doesn’t have to fall in love with you like you’ve fallen in love with him, really, that’s not why you’re doing this. This being stopping by Pumat’s shop to pick up some more spell scrolls for him with your gold. He had been muttering to himself the last time you were all in about not having enough money, but you hadn't wanted to embarrass him by purchasing them on his behalf, so a separate trip it is. Pumats, all of them, seem to know what you’re doing because they smile when you tuck the scrolls under your cloak and sweep out of the shop.

Your next stop is an ink shop, where you pick up some more ink and incense for Caleb. You’re not really sure how his magic works because it’s not something he was born with or given by a God, but you know that he’s always looking for good ink, parchment, and incense. Just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean that you can’t be supportive. You hope that’s what Caleb will get out of your gift, and not anything else. After you gather the magic supplies - you’d asked specifically for the things that wizards use just to make sure - you make your way to the Chastity’s Nook. Maybe Caleb was joking about wanting to be titillated while he learns, but you feel better safe than sorry.

The worker there is incredibly nice, if not shy, and helps you pick out something educational, historical, and terribly smutty. It makes you blush when you glance through it, but it seems to be the right balance of the things that Caleb has expressed interest in before. (Even if that might be fake - you’re not totally sure. Still, it can not hurt to try.) She even wraps it up nicely for you, offering to wrap your other gifts too. That might be too much, so you decline, but you still pass her a few more silver as a tip. You’ve never been so nervous as you are when you make your way back to the tavern where you’re staying, but it’s almost easy to keep your cool and mask the absolute terror you feel when Caleb is sitting with the group, eating dinner. You were kind of counting on him being in his room, reading, but you don’t let his sudden appearance stop you. Jester spots you first, patting the empty seat between her and Nott, calling your name. You slip into it, easily concealing your gifts behind your back. “Where did you go?”

A sly smile slips onto your face as you reach forward, taking a portion of the food they’d ordered, “Oh, you know, around.”

“You smell like perfume,” Beau leans over Nott and sniffs you, making a slightly disgusted face, “Why do you smell like perfume?”

“I went shopping,” You cut in before Jester and Molly can interject with salacious theories, “That shopping happened to be in the Tri-Spire, thank you very much.” Caleb raises an eyebrow, sharing a look with Fjord, but you ignore it. “What did you guys do today?” You don’t really listen - only enough to hum or nod as they’re speaking - because you’re focused on figuring out a plan to get your gifts to Caleb without the others noticing or making him feel like you’re doing it out of pity, or that he owes you. You just want him to be happy that he’s getting a gift. It’s later, when everyone has cleared out, that Jester shakes your shoulder lightly, calling your name.

“Are you okay?” Her dark blue eyebrows pull down over her eyes, incredibly worried, “You didn’t talk at all during dinner.” You take her hand in yours, squeezing it briefly.

“I’m fine, Jessie. I think I might head to bed, though.” You give her a hug before heading up to your room, looking over your shoulder just before you hit the stairs to see if Caleb had gone to bed when you had zoned out. He’s easy to find in the corner, nose deep in a book, and you grin. That makes everything so much easier, especially since Nott is tucked into the booth next to him. That means that their room is completely empty and a perfect place to drop the gifts without any of the unnecessary baggage that might come with giving them to him face to face. You don’t even think about the fact that he might have warded his room until it’s too late. (That being until you watch the string snap around your ankles when you make it four steps into the room.)

But, damnit, you have a mission to complete. There’s at least a minute before Caleb makes it to the stairs and perhaps another half a minute before he hits the door. You set the things up on what you think is Caleb’s bed a little messier than you wanted but you’re running out of time. The door is a no-go to leave, and you can hear Caleb bounding up the steps. You whirl, tugging your cloak tightly around you as you debate jumping through the window instead of opening it. In the end that will just draw an entirely different reaction than you want, so you settle for slamming the window up and slinging one leg over the sill. Caleb’s room is on the second floor, so the fall might hurt a little bit, but Caleb is right outside the door, so you don’t have any other choices-

“Was machst du in meinem Zimmer!?” He bellows, hands already engulfed in flame, when he kicks the door open. It startles you off of the window sill, luckily into the room instead of out. You pop up, hands raised and already talking.

“Okay, I don’t know what you’re saying but I didn’t know you had your room warded, I was just trying to give you the things that I bought you today, and then by the time I realized it was too late because I couldn’t just leave without giving you the stuff, because then you’d be scared-” Caleb extinguishes the flames that had started to crawl up his arms, shutting the door as he comes closer to the bed. You scramble to your feet, snagging your cloak in your hands to twist it nervously. “-I should leave now, excuse me.” You do your best to skirt around him but Caleb holds up a hand, eyes on the pile of loot you’ve left on his bed. He wraps a warm hand around your wrist to keep you in place as he tries to process what’s happening.

“What is on my bed?” Caleb finally looks toward you then, eyebrows furrowed as he watches you nervously fidget with your robe, biting your lower lip. “I am not mad, but what do you mean things you bought me?” He gestures loosely with the other hand and you take a step closer to him and the bed. You weren’t ready for being confronted with Caleb, despite how much you thought about what you might say to him in a situation like this. You almost swallow your tongue trying to figure out what to say to him.

“I bought you things,” You blurt, “Because you deserve it. I’m not sure if it’s all the right things, but I tried and even if you can’t use them for, you know, magic things you can use them for other stuff-” You watch as he makes his way over to the pile and begins rifling through it, mumbling to himself in Zemnian. “I’m not doing this out of pity, or anything,” You move to his side, peeking over as he skims through the book you bought, “I did it because I want to, I promise.” You wring your hands and look off to the side, avoiding watching the way he’s pouring over what you’ve bought, “You weren’t even really supposed to know they’re from me, honestly, I just wanted to do something nice for you because you deserve kindness-”

“-I am not so sure about that,” Caleb turns to you, catching your attention. He smiles, but it’s weak, when he looks at the small pile you’ve bought for him, “The spells will be useful for the group, but the rest… You are too kind.”

“I’m not!” Perhaps on instinct, you reach out and clasp his wrists in your hands, “No, Caleb, please. I didn’t do this to make you feel bad, I want you to feel good. You’re so bright, Caleb, and so amazing that I just want you to feel a fraction of the happiness you make me feel.” He hesitates so you press on, taking the chance to step closer to him as your heart takes off at a breakneck pace in your chest. “Please, don’t feel guilty. I did this because I want to, okay? I want to make you happy and make you smile, and make you feel good because it makes me feel good. You don’t have to do - to do anything and if you want, I’ll stop. You just say the word and I’ll stop, but I see you, Caleb.” Your voice breaks off as your eyes mist over. He looks awe-inspired at you, not stepping away or pulling from your grasp, “I see you. I see the way you bite back jokes, and sometimes they slip through. I see the way you care for us, for Nott. I see the way you sacrifice yourself in everything you do because you don’t feel like you deserve to be happy, but you do. Please, you are such a good man - I can see it. I can feel it, Caleb. You deserve the world’s largest kindness, but if I can’t give that to you I’ll give you small kindnesses, if you’ll let me.” Your lip quivers and your voice comes out in a hoarse whisper when you decide to fling yourself off the metaphorical cliff you’ve found yourself on, “Caleb Widogast, I wish to give you never-ending small kindnesses not only because you deserve them, but because I love you. I am in love with you.” The difference sits heavy in the air between you as you watch Caleb process everything that you’ve said.

“You… Are you in love with me?”

“Undoubtedly.” You confirmed, whispering. He’s stepped toward you a fraction of an inch, but it puts the both of you nearly chest to chest. “I have never been so sure of something, Caleb.”

“I enjoy the way you say my name.” He confesses. You watch in wonder as red begins to crest from underneath his facial hair, coloring his cheeks a rosy, pretty pink. He tries to look away, but you duck your head to try and keep some semblance of eye contact. Your hands tremble in his.

“I’ll say it forever, then,” You try to smile, but you really only manage an upward quiver of your lips, “Every day, if you’ll accept my kindness.”

“Es wird schwer,” Caleb says under his breath as he shuffles even closer to you, “Es wird so schwer, aber ich werde es versuchen.” You’re not totally sure what he’s saying, but when he presses a terrified, hesitant kiss against your lips the message comes across loud and clear.

[lovecolibri]

One of the worst things about this finale (and there were many) is that it's bound to fuel the pitting Malex against each other thing again that the show had the chance to put to rest post Carina. Sure, Michael didn't treat Alex like crap in S3, but he was still in the middle of every plot/group scene Alex was excluded from all season, just like in S2 (and S1, if we're being honest). Even at the end of the finale, only Michael got to be with everyone while Alex was still off screen because Michael can either hang around with his family looking perfectly happy or be in a bubble angsting over his trauma with Alex. Forget getting the same treatment as an m/f ship. At least try to give Alex the fraction of the respect Michael and his relationships get. Alex fans were justifiably worried about what S3 would bring and how much of S2 they would be expected to get over with no resolution even without all the concerning BTS info about Tyler not having scenes with Trevino or Lily and not shooting much for the last few episodes and constantly got told to tone down the negativity. I don't begrudge any Michael person for being happy with this season because God knows Michael deserved some genuine growth people can relate to, but one of these characters has never been treated like the other, and it really is undeniable at this point. It's not people being negative or hysterical.

Yeah....I know a lot of Alex fans were justifiably worried, and while a lot of us tried to balance our hope and caution, it's definitely disappointing to know those fears were pretty darn justified. I think we were all trying to hard to hope for the best, especially since c*rina "leaving" (since the press releases didn't say fired, I try not to as well) was more than we ever dreamed of happening, so it was easy to tell people to calm down and not worry so much. *deep sigh*

And look, I absolutely adore both Alex AND Michael and because of that, I'm willing to handwave a LOT of season 2 garbage as shitty writing or fill in the gaps myself in my brain to make it work, but OOF did your "how much of S2 they would be expected to get over with no resolution" hit me hard. Because that was the crux of the problem with how Malex got together this season. They were antagonistic until they just...weren't. And they were never allowed to discuss season 2 or m*luca or even have f*rlex brought back up! The most we got was Michael's nod to the song but they didn't talk about why Michael felt he had to leave, let alone how Alex felt watching Michael walk out! In a bubble, that line was great and we all flail about it and I can't look at their faces without FEELING THINGS, but like, as a wider part of the narrative, we needed to see more of them working through and hashing out the stuff from last season. We were all SO EXCITED to see the pining and the friendship build up and the moment that tension snapped so having them go from whatever TF 3x06 was to them being flirty and openly vulnerable in 3x08 was jarring to say the least. (Remember when 3x06 ended on that cliff hanger and we thought there was actually going to be a follow up to that scene with some actually productive Malex angst? Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! ha...*sobs*) Not to mention how refusing to acknowledge m*ria's role in why they weren't together long before now (1x13 made narrative sense to be the start of them building up a foundation but we can't have nice things) means that nothing they tried to do this season between her and either of them landed well either.

"only Michael got to be with everyone while Alex was still off screen because Michael can either hang around with his family looking perfectly happy or be in a bubble angsting over his trauma with Alex. Forget getting the same treatment as an m/f ship." After three seasons of this, and of Alex getting shafted by the narrative and being mostly alone and not having his POV explored more I don't blame Alex fans for taking the happy enough ending this season and getting out. It's very frustrating, especially because it didn't need to happen like this! The season set up multiple opportunities to DO BETTER, and yet managed to miss so many of them. And for what?

[cruciatusforeplay]

This is part two of a hella big post. Check out part one here. These are all a lot more recent, so I'm gonna try to be less spoilery, but there are gonna be some.

A not-so-brief history of Hawkeye in Comics Part Two (spoilers below the cut)

A note on events, dying and doubling down on Hawkeyes

Comics love doing big events, and I'm not covering them in here. Partly because they are huge and complex and to just focus on Hawkeye would be an injustice to the stories, but also because the amount of stuff I would need to spoil would be way beyond just a little Hawkeye. Clint was involved in Secret Wars (1984), which was one of the first crossover events of its kind. Another notable era is 2004-2009, where there is an incredible amount of superhero politics driving big narratives. If you're new to comics, you might not know that characters dying is common and rarely permanent. This is relevant because while I said that I wouldn't talk about events, I think it would be pretty uncool to not mention that Hawkeye dies and is brought back to life (Avengers Disassembled, House of M, New Avengers #26). It's around here that Clint picks up the Ronin mantle.

This is also when Dark Reign/Dark Avengers is going on. For anyone who'd like some Clint whump from this era, there's a top notch naked torture scene in New Avengers Annual (2009). Clint is involved in several other big events and crossovers over later years, but that's definitely a seperate list.

In the time where Clint is dead, Captain America is hanging out with a group of newly formed Young Avengers, including archery badass Kate Bishop. Cap suggests to her that she take up the Hawkeye mantle and gives her Clint's old bow. After Clint returns, he becomes initially her mentor, before they form a very close friendship. Clint is initially doing Ronin things, but even when he lays down ninja robes, they decide to be very Hawkeye about the whole thing and both keep calling themselves Hawkeye, despite the obvious confusion this causes.

Hawkeye's ears: Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #0-4 (2014)

This is a fun little miniseries that you could treat as a Halloween special if you so desired. It's set in the time after Fraction's run and there are a few callbacks, but nothing major if you've not read that. Clint is a little short-tempered and hypermasculine in this run for my personal taste, but it's got lots of grumpy Clint Vs sassy Wade while they vaguely attempt to team up. The thing this run does really well is Clint's deafness, despite the lack of visible hearing aids. There are comments around lip-reading, wearing aids when wearing other headgear, there's some sign language, and this is the run where Deadpool pulls his mask up so Clint can lipread and see his face while he signs (facial expressions are really key in sign language). It's lovely. Otherwise the run gives you a Kate cameo, some Deadpool and Hawkeye disaster/shenanigans, and perhaps most importantly, the return of the skycycle.

Key background: All New Hawkeye #1-6 (2015)

This run is often overlooked, but the art in the flashbacks is beautiful. We get some key information around Clint and Barney's abusive home situation - with their dad who drank and beat them, and how they ended up in care after their parents died, and subsequently their early days in the circus. There is a definite shift in how Barney is characterized as a bad influence compared to the 2003 run. It parallels with the rest of the arc which focuses on Clint and Kate Bishop working together to get some kids out of a very bad situation. The rest of Lemires run is a little weird and has no major repurcussions for anyone except Barney (which I won't elaborate on because it's relevant to the Fraction run).

Back to your roots: Tales of Suspense #100-104 (2017)

Seeing Clint cycle back and return to Tales of Suspense is really lovely. This comic is one of my all time favourites. It's incredibly tight story-telling with a great plot and really fun dynamic. The premise is Clint and Bucky teaming up to figure out the body trail being left after Black Widow's death. Clint is obnoxious and a delightful mess, Bucky is sporting a permanent scowl and is hilariously level-headed. It's a lot of fun and it's a lovely build on the tension and teamwork between these two idiots (who I, as an avid Winterhawk shipper, am completely gone for, but even without that, this is a great comic.) It also has some killer covers, and the facial expressions are absolutely hilarious.

Hawkeyes together: Hawkeye #13-16 (2017) and West Coast Avengers #1-10 (2018)

The Hawkeye run is Kate Bishops run and it has a larger continuing storyline that runs from the beginning of her Hawkeye and way into WCA, but I've listed the issues that you'll want for Kate and Clint shenanigans, and you should be able to catch up without the rest if you don't want it. These comics are ridiculously fun, especially West Coast Avengers, which has Kate leading the team this time. There's loads of jokes, and it strikes a nice balance between Hawkeyes being disasters and being hyper competent. Truthfully, this is Kate's show, and Clint takes a backseat, but their dynamic is killer here so I think is deserves a mention. There are also plenty of Clint related wardrobe malfunctions and Lucky the Pizza Dog is around.

Our most recent boy: Hawkeye freefall #1-6 (2020)

I haven't read this one yet, but it's been extremely well received by the fandom. As a result, good news: no spoilers! It's a short run, which may have had something to do with it being published during 2020, and specifically around a time when Marvel were experiencing some major distribution issues (which would have led to digital release only and as a result lower sales), but that's all guesswork because I haven't actually researched it. This run has someone dressing as Ronin and letting Clint take the blame for their nefarious deeds (oh no!). Clint makes some classic Clint (read: dumpster fire) decisions, and the art looks fun and vibrant. Can't really give you more without reading it myself 😅 If you need more Clint still, he's also rumoured to be knocking around in the 2020 Black Widow run, but I've not had the money to get my mitts on that yet either.

Notable AUs:

Marvel is a big fan of throwing a well known cast into an alternative universes, so there are a few other places to look for him.

The Ultimates universe was largely speaking a bit of a shitshow, but they did give us a very dark and gritty Clint, so if that's your jam, ultimate hawkeye is the place to be. Old Man Hawkeye appears alongside Old Man Logan, and they are both, you guessed it, old. It's not the only time we get Clint as a wrinkly dude (the second half Lemire's run also has some timey-wimey stuff happening), but this is a version of Clint who is going blind (granted we've seen that before too, but this is a darker vibe than Blindspot). Wanna know who the greatest marksman is without his sight - old man Hawkeye for you! Finally there's the Zombie 'verse: zombie Clint is a little confused, but he's got the spirit. Clint got zombiefied and then left in some rubble as only a head for 40 years before getting picked up, so he's a little worse for wear. If you need that in your life then Marvel Zombies is your universe. For a full rundown of all the universes including animated and MCU, click here.

Notable aliases:

Clint's been a few other people than Hawkeye in the 616 universe (the main Marvel Comics universe). He used one of Hank Pyms growth serums and became a giant strongman in Avengers #63 (1969) and stuck around in his Goliath form for more than a few issues. After Cap had died, Clint returned from the dead and tried on Captain America for all of one issue in Fallen Son #3 (2007). He decided (with a little help from Kate) that it wasn't right to wear the uniform, which in turn led to some interesting tension between him and Bucky Barnes when Buck did become the new Captain America. Finally, there's his most well-known alternate persona: Ronin. Clint becomes Ronin after returning from the dead, wanting a break from his Hawkeye persona and an opportunity to become Ronin arises in New Avengers #27 (2007). Clint is not the only person to have used these aliases. Additionally, Hawkeye has been used not only by Clint and Kate Bishop, but also by Bullseye during the Dark Reign.

The things we haven't talked about

Like I said at the very beginning, there is a lot of Clint Barton knocking around in comics and even with all this there's a lot of content I haven't focused on. For instance, I've not talked a lot about his relationships, beyond his marriage to mockingbird (and really I only scratched the surface with that), and honestly once you start getting into interpersonal relationships we're starting to move on from what can be done in a Tumblr thread.

There are also some topic specific threads floating around, which you might like to look at too.

@vaguelyrotten has done a run down of some great dumpster fire Clint Barton comics (some of which I haven't listed) and you can see that here.

@bobbimorses did a great summary of Clint's historical deafness for instance which you can find here.

There's also this little bit all about Clint and Bucky in canon (thanks to @nightwideopen ) and how Winterhawk became a thing (thanks to @1000-directions )

This is slight sidenote, but @clintscoffeepot did a really great comprehensive of Fraction Clint's apartment which is just a really useful writing resource and you can get that here.

There is also this website which I stumbled across fairly far into writing this post which does actually look like it might be comprehensive.

If I've missed anything major, or listed something incorrectly or you just have some Clint related opinions that I need to know about, do hit me up.

[akillysheel]

TENUOUS.  ( 1 )

Summary:  Cthugha explains a little more about who he is and why he’s there--  besides the obvious, of course. Warnings:  N/A. Notes:  Yes, nouns like ‘Balance’ and ‘Universe’ are capitalised on purpose.

    THE  STRANGER  NAVIGATED  the precinct as if he’d been there before.  He wound his way through tables like a snake, ignoring the curious glances that officers shot him as he passed.  As he reached Kuro's office, the Sheriff was almost convinced that he was the one who didn't know his way around the station.

    "Oh,"   the boy mused, head tilted upwards in the direction of his corkboard.  It was littered with different coloured post-it notes and twine, Kuro’s neat block letters bold against their garish backdrop.   "An upgrade for sure."

    "Who are you?"   Kuro asked slowly, enunciating every word as he stared at him intensely.  Part of him felt that he should recognise him.  Perhaps it was the familiarity that he'd been approached with.

    "My name is Cthugha.  I came from the future,"   he replied nonchalantly, arms tucked behind his back as he looked over the board.  He winced slightly upon seeing one of the names on one of the many sticky tabs.   "You never find that one, by the way."

    "Excuse me?"    Now he felt irked.   "That's a real case, y'know.  This girl's really missing.  That's somebody's daughter."

    "Unfortunate,"   Cthugha said, his tone a fraction softer.

    "She ain't fodder fer yer li'l sideshow.  She's a real person 'n' she's Raku-knows-where.  Y'don't have the right to t'be involvin' her in yer stunt."

    The look that Cthugha shot over his shoulder was cold.  After a beat of silence:   "Her name is Olivia Brannon.  She went missing a week ago.  You found her things in a field directly adjacent to the subway tunnel--  her dorm keys, student ID and textbooks--  but you have no further leads.  You think that she's playing hooky with a boyfriend she's keeping a secret from her overbearing parents--  that she threw her belongings as a student away to pursue a life with him in private--  but he's still in town and hasn't seen her either.  You’ve pursued him for questioning but he’s come back clean as a whistle.  He even has an iron-clad alibi under his belt!  You don't know where else to look, so you trawl through town like a dog sniffing for blood, only to find nothing.  The case eventually goes cold."   A thin smile shaped his lips as he took in Kuro's stupefied expression, impatient and derisive.   "How's that for a stunt, Sheriff Braav?"

    "H-How did you--"

    "What part of 'the future' do you not understand?"

    A thick blanket of silence befell them, and Kuro found himself leaning against the wall for balance.  Just five minutes ago, it had been a typical Tuesday morning.  Now, it felt as if his world was teetering to one side, his pulse an electrical current that thrummed in each temple.  It wasn't easy to bewilder him after all that he'd seen, but this curious stranger had achieved it in a matter of minutes.  How else was he supposed to react to being told airtight details about a case that hadn’t been made public knowledge yet?

    How is any of this happening?  What is happening?  None of this is right.     Who is this guy?

     "I won't waste any time,"   Cthugha said soberly, moving away from the board.  He circled Kuro's desk like a vulture, blue eyes scanning the tabletop with apparent interest.  A finger grazed a half-solved rubix cube curiously.   "I've come for one very important thing:  the Balance is at stake.  I need to fix it.  You can help me."

     "What…?"   Kuro blurted stupidly, mind reeling.   "What're y'talkin' about?"

     "Alright."   Cthugha paused to pinch the bridge of his nose.   "I'm gonna need ya to sharpen up, detective.  I came to you because I know you're smart."

    “Surely y’realise how insane this is!”   Kuro bit back, finding a foothold in the conversation.   “This kid materialises out of nowhere--”

    “Not a kid.”

    “-- ‘n’ tells me that he’s from the future, ‘n’ that he’s here t’restore the Universe’s Balance--”

    “In layman's terms.”

    “--’n’ that he needs my help t’do it.  Ten minutes ago, I was enjoyin’ a cup’a coffee ‘n’ finishin’ the paperwork fer an open-’n’-shut robbery!  This shit is  WAY  outta my professional league.”

    There was a lilt in the conversation--  one in which was stolen by the subtle tilt of Cthugha’s head.  There was a strange metaphysical gravity that surrounded him, one that drew in attention like he was sucking it through a straw.

    In a small, hopeful voice:   “... you have coffee?”  

    “That’s what y’take away from everythin’ I just said?!”

    “I haven’t had a good cup of coffee in months,”   murmured Cthugha, scratching his chin pensively.  Whatever peril the world was in, it seemed to be irrelevant to him now.   “I had some at a diner in a pocket dimension a couple weeks ago.  The waitress was lovely but the coffee was…”   His teeth came together in the form of a fierce grimace.   “... sweet.”

    Kuro blinked owlishly, his mind racing.  Everything was happening so quickly.  He'd had no time to process the other's abrasive introduction, nor the deeper meaning of the things he was saying.  The most he knew of the 'Balance' was that it was a cosmic force that even God's wrestled with.  On the handful of occasions that it had come up in conversation, Raku was either struggling to maintain it or finding loopholes to avoid doing unsavoury things to appease it. Hardly an educational display.

    "How about…"   It was a sheepish start, no doubt, the town-hero more than a little out of sorts.  He paused to stand up straight again, trying to strengthen his resolve.  Get it together.  He's scrawny.  But so is Raku.  He owns the very ground that you stand on.   "... I put on a pot of coffee, and we talk more?"

     "See, now it feels like you’re meeting me in the middle."

                                                                ________

    A sense of normalcy returned to him as he took a sip of his coffee.  The Regular Tuesday vibes are back.

    "What's the verdict?"   he asked as he watched Cthugha peer into his cup.  He found it incredibly odd that somebody who looked so… on-the-cusp-of-adulthood-and-no-older had asked for it black, all but turning his nose up at the offer of sugar and milk.

    "Hm..."   He hummed thoughtfully, eyes narrowing at the dark abyss before him.  Then, he took a sip.  Kuro watched as he paused mid-drink, eyes widening slightly.  After a moment, he began to gulp it down, continuing until his mug was empty.  

     After a relieved little exhale:   "Refill?"

    "Sure…?"   the Sheriff said hesitantly, reaching for the pot and filling his mug again.  He seemed to slow down for his second helping, really taking in the taste of it.

    "Ah…  this district gets it.  So much flavour,"   Cthugha praised, looking comfortable in his cross-legged position in Kuro's chair.  It's frame dwarfed him, the black leather suiting his businesslike approach.   “I’ve found that’s a common trend here.   Huros make good food too;  organic produce, and lots of spices and herbs.”

    "Uh, yeah…"   He couldn't focus on the idle chatter.  He had too many questions--  too many burning queries-- to ask for anything other than answers to them.   "So about why you're here--"

    "Well, as you observed, I can tell the future, because I've seen it.  I--"

    "But how?"   Kuro interrupted, unfolding a rickety metal chair and sitting on it.  It creaked angrily beneath his weight, his six-and-a-half-foot frame not built for its meagre services.   "Who are y'?  What are y’?  I-- I've met Raku several times over and not even he can mess with time--"

    "I'm sort of his foil,"   Cthugha answered impatiently, his foot tapping against the arm of the chair.   "Look, do we have to play Guess Who right now?  There're more important things--"

    "I need t'know how y'knew about Olivia.  I ain’t gonna help y’at all ‘til I know that.  How do I know yer trustworthy?  How can I be sure my own officers ain’t leakin’ things t’outside sources?   I don’t know y’.  How could y’know?"

    There was a tense pause between them, one that seemed to reverberate throughout the office.  Suddenly, Kuro felt incredibly claustrophobic--  as if the sound bouncing off of the walls was drawing closer and closer.  He watched as Cthugha sighed, drawing his mug to his lips for a final time before setting it down in his lap.

    "Fine.  I'll tell you.  Once.  So you’d better listen good.  You just remember--  you asked for this,"   he warned, tone anything but ceremonious as he wagged a finger at him.   "God's can't touch time because that's what we rifters are for, dummy.  We govern the fabric of reality. Time's separate to a God's responsibilities, see.  Gods maintain districts and concepts; we maintain things relating to the Universe itself.  Time and space, namely.  Those things're outside of a God's scope."

    "So yer…  above Raku?"

    "I'd argue yes,"   the rifter said pridefully.   "That little chump's only got a district to look after.  I've got this entire timeline, and parallel timelines that're born from this timeline."   He retrieved his coffee, brought it to his mouth.  With his lips against the rim:   "... but it doesn't matter.  We work together.  In tandem.  We help each other.  The basic idea is that Gods keep their people happy;  those happy people are way more likely to stick to their destined paths, which means less problems for rifters.  If there is a threat to the peace of the district, the God quells it;  if it is a threat to the Balance, I do.  We ultimately both serve the same function--  to keep the Universe happy--  but we're at opposite ends of the spectrum."

    "We're…  pre-determined?"

    "Heh.  I forgot you're the existential type,"   Cthugha tittered numbly.   "No.  Not in the way you're thinking anyway.  People live in more of a probability map than they do a script;  they have a list of things they could do in any given situation and can select from most of them without any real consequence to the Balance.  People have free will because the Universe isn’t overly fragile, get it?  The continuum isn’t going to shit itself if you take a detour from your usual lunch order.  Every choice births a parallel universe in which the other was made.  Most of these parallel universes are benign and don't need to be touched.  So basically, you could make any choice and each of them would be as inconsequential to me."   At least, if we’re talking about your average choices.   “No more about this, okay?  It isn’t gonna do you any good.  I’m not really supposed to talk about it, but since you were so stubborn...”

    He wasn't going to get into the ins and outs of his job, especially not with a simple huro.  It wasn’t productive.  It wasted time.  It could have catastrophic consequences for his mortal mind.  And the Balance, above all, was a picky sonuvabitch that Cthugha didn’t understand.  Sometimes a store being out of a person's favourite sandwich led to them becoming an angry, tyrannical politician that eventually ended the world.  Other times, a person could murder seventeen children in cold blood and the Balance remained unchanged, seeing those seventeen lives as pre-determined losses.  He’d stopped asking questions a long time ago--  had learned to accept that, in most instances, what was meant to be was meant to be.

    Not when it concerned the end of all life in the Aphanta Region, though.

    Kuro looked dizzy.  He sank a little further into his seat, his tanky frame looking all but comical in the small fold-up chair.   "... 'n' what can I do about any'a this, huh?  I'm just a police officer.  A damn good one, sure, but I’m no cosmic cop."

     "Mm,"   agreed the time-keeper, a solitary nod offered.   "Sure.  But you're a police officer in a district that contains a Universal Hazard."

    "Universal Hazard…?"

    "Sheriff."   It was the first time that Cthugha had paused to find the correct words during their conversation.  He seemed brazen, largely unconcerned with hurting peoples' feelings, but this appeared to be an exception.  Kuro steeled himself, spine turning rigid.   "... I've seen the death of this district, then its neighbours, then beyond.  It all circles back to one very particular problem:  a case you never solve."

    “Brannon…?”   he asked, feeling his heart leap into his throat.

    “Not her.  Someone whose case’s gotten so cold it’s practically subzero,”   Cthugha murmured, polishing off the last of his coffee with a well-timed swallow.   “Remember Mia Vanton?”

    “... oh shit.”

    Cthugha nodded solemnly.     “Yeah.  Her.”

[astheravensighs]

[Double Dark and Darker]

Gray meets Dazai for the first time, and things go as well as you would expect.

"Um," Gray almost whispered, tugging on Chuuya's sleeve gently. "Who is that..?"

Chuuya followed her gaze to the benches along the sides of the abandoned stadium, spotting a familiar pair of eyes watching them both like a mischievous hawk. Legs crossed and body bent forward in rapt fascination of the new addition to their equation.

"Ah. That's Dazai. He's…" Chuuya paused thoughtfully, if not slightly bitterly. "Well, let's use the word friend." He glanced back over at her and saw the same confusion as before she asked. "Just- he's not gonna hurt you. He's just watching. You can… trust him." He felt his throat sting, briefly thankful he was out of earshot. Gray kept her eyes on the distant figure. "He doesn't seem safe," she stated, retreating farther into the too-big coat he'd lent her. Chuuya choked down the embarrassment of showing his least favorite person his soft side and leaned down to her height.

"Hey," He said softly, waiting until her eyes met his own. "I've never once given you a reason not to trust me, right?" She hesitated, but slowly nodded. "Right. I promised I would keep you safe. I know for a fact he's not a threat," He stood back up to his full height and puffed out his chest a little bit. "But even if he was, I'd kill him before he ever got near you." "K-kill him?" "Or, uh- I'd knock him out, y'know," His posture deflated as he tried to backpedal his accidentally fearsome persona.

Watching curiously, elbow on his knee and chin resting on the back of his hand, Dazai couldn't help but grin a little bit. Chuuya was going soft. As funny as it was, he felt a certain responsibility to stop the odd change clearly taking place in his psyche. His rival should be his equal. Seeing him distracted, giving in to his overwhelming protective instinct, was irritating. Unfortunately, he found himself being affected too.

This little girl was barely shoulder height to his tiny ex-partner and probably jumped every time he coughed. Her eyes were colorless, no blue or green or brown at all. Just gray. He wondered briefly if Chuuya had given her the uncreative name based on  her eyes. The clothes she was wearing he recognized- they were Chuuya's. They fit him when he was maybe 17 (and honestly, probably still did) but they completely enveloped her, and he recognized the way she retreated into it as if it was a bulletproof shield.

He could read her like a picture book. Everything about her, from the way she held her arms to her chest as she walked to the way her eyes darted around to assess every threat, screamed out to him one word- pitiful. And as much as he was a monster, and as much as he hated to admit it, Dazai had some human left in him, and that humanity was screaming for him to protect her too.

"A-anyway, y'know why we're here, right? I'd like to teach you some self defense stuff." Gray gave Chuuya a look that was equal parts fear for her own safety, and fear for his. He gave her a reassuring smile and took a few steps back. "Just outta curiosity, to see what I'm working with," He spread his arms out, completely opening up his abdomen, unguarded. "Try just a punch or something. Right here," He gestured to his stomach.

Gray looked down at her hand, clenching and unclenching her fist for a few seconds, before meeting his eyes again, eyebrows pushed together with worry. "But what if I… hurt you?"

An absolute guffaw from the sidelines startled her, drawing both participants' gazes. Dazai was attempting to stifle the giggles spilling out of him, eliciting a sigh from his 'friend'.

"Ignore him."

Gray gave him one last look before turning her eyes back to her protector, trying to ignore the redness she felt burning her ears.

"Just a punch. I promise you won't hurt me. You really, really won't," He insisted.

A few moments of silence and stillness as Gray takes a breath, calming her nerves, rattled by this simple task. She clenches her fist again, and forces it forwards, shutting her eyes and hoping for the best.

As the backs of her fingers make contact with the threads of Chuuya's vest, they all but rolled off, only creating a soft 'thud', and throwing her off balance. "Oh, woah-" Chuuya sputtered, not sure what he was expecting, but knowing it wasn't… that. He steadied her before she fell, withdrawing his hands quickly, remembering how she'd flinched at his touch the day before. He could almost feel the heat emanating from her cheeks in shame.

"…Okay, let's try again."

She turned to face him again, head tilted, still uncomfortable voicing her questions, but knowing he knew what she was asking.

"No, you didn't hurt me. I swear," He reassured, adding only in his own thoughts, 'You almost hurt yourself'.

He gave her the most encouraging smile he could, approaching her slowly. "Let me show you how to do it," He offered, reaching out to guide her before stopping- "Can I touch your hands?" She nodded and braced her skittish instincts as his gloved fingers barely brushed her own. Ignoring the alarms in her head as they began to scream at her to run, she watched carefully as he gently pushed her fingers into a proper fist.

"Chuuya, I think she's more of a visual learner, you know?" a singsong voice from behind them earned a small yelp from the already wary girl, as Chuuya whipped around to face it.

"Oi, you're supposed to stay back-" "I know, I know," Dazai interrupted him with a dismissive wave of his hand. "But I know how to demonstrate much better." "Dazai!" Chuuya watched him as he circled around him, holding out a protective arm to shield the now very uncomfortable girl behind him. "I told you-" He began, but was interrupted as Dazai pulled his own fist back, meeting the scared, colorless eyes peeking out at him. "Watch this carefully!"

Dazai knew Chuuya's guard was focused entirely on protecting his little fosterling, and not on his own safety. So as his fist struck the smaller man's abdomen, there was a look of disbelief on his face that Dazai reveled in as he followed through, putting all of his force behind the motion of his arm, sending Chuuya's body directly into the wall behind him with a disturbing 'crack'.

A moment passes completely silent as Chuuya's back slid the few feet down the wall to impact the rough dirt. Taking a second the shake off the shock, he gaped at the blood now dripping from his forehead, off his chin, staining his clothes. Steeling his glare, he moved to get up, to retaliate, to- Shit, he needed to get /her/ away first- But as he looked back up, the fire in his eyes faded.

Dazai had already seen what he was only just now seeing, already turning to face it. A shadowy mass of tendrils and dark smoke was taking over the spot Gray had just been. A low growl, rising in tone and intensity, echoed through the stadium, but was directed right at Dazai, who just couldn't help his own shit-eating grin. He saw the attachment between them. He knew there was potential hidden beneath that timid exterior. He knew she wasn't created in a lab, researched and studied and hidden away for years, just to turn out useless. He KNEW there was something to her, and he knew how to find out what. And as she stared him down with smoke and shadow where her eyes used to be, he felt no fear. He had no reason to. His ability was a nullifying get-out-of-jail free card, so to speak. And the satisfaction he felt from a successful plan almost outweighed the rumbling in his chest as the growling got louder.

"You know," he turned to fully face her. "You're cute when you're mad."

The growl turned into a roar as the mass of shadows lurched backwards, rearing up like an angry stallion, before careening back towards him. He lazily outstretched his hand, letting his ability activate, but it was for nothing.

The enraged, shadowy creature that was once a girl charged into him, almost through him, and out of the dark  mist emerged a hand, black as night, balled into a fist so tight the claw-like nails dug into a bleeding palm. The limb was barely visible as it rocketed directly into Dazai's outstretched palm.

For just a moment, time seemed to slow down for the two men as they simultaneously understood what was happening, what was about to happen. Chuuya's face was pure, unfiltered shock and awe. Mouth open, eyes wide, mind reeling- but Dazai's face was something that he'd later come to treasure. He'd relive this moment in his mind a hundred times, seeing the image of Dazai's cocky smirk suddenly shifting to shock, the corners of his mouth dropping, his eyes refocusing- this isn't right… My ability..!- and then contorting to fear, his teeth gritting and eyebrows high. This beautiful scene only lasted a fraction of a second before the fist against his hand ignored the blue glow of his nullification ability and continued its destructive path directly into his chest, sounding a loud "CRACK" as his ribs buckled from the force, body suddenly being wrenched into the same trajectory as the leading arm, rocketing hard into the wall right next to the wide eyed man he'd dropped just seconds before.

A hush fell over all three of them as the dark smoke began to fade from the outstretched limb, revealing the shoulders, the neck, then the face of a very scared, very small girl. There were tears in her eyes and her every limb was shaking like a scared puppy. As soon as her mouth was visible she was talking, almost chanting, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" The rest of her body came into view as the darkness evaporated into the air like a lifting fog and she collapsed to her knees, sobbing and apologizing to Dazai, to Chuuya, to herself.

Chuuya pushed down the shock- maybe even fear- trying to keep him frozen and wrenched himself off the ground, ignoring the equally astonished body leaning next to him. With some effort he lifted his own limbs to scramble over to the sobbing mess on the ground, unsure of what entirely to do.

"Hey, hey, hey-- Are you okay? Are you- Look at me, please?" She couldn't stop the shame that escaped from her throat and turned into wails but she did meet his eyes with hers. She could see the surprise in his face, but she could also see concern- for her. Before she could look down again he caught her chin with his fingers- gently- and tried to think of what to say.

"Hey… I'm proud of you."

The four words overtook her thoughts like a wildfire. How long had she waited to hear that? Longer than she'd been alive. Proud of her. He was proud… of her. She did something good. Even though her whole body ached, her mind was reeling, and her wrist felt broken, she couldn't help the confused, blissful smile that crept up to her face. Then her head fell forward again, and her body slumped, unconscious, into Chuuya's arms.

(thank u for reading <3)

[streetlampsunset]

I'll Be The Light To Guide You (Find Out What We're Made Of)

Ao3

David found Alexis at a bend in the stream. Her face lit up when she saw him. Curly tendrils of dark hair had escaped her braids. Her dress was muddy at the hem, a rip in her stockings. An old pair of his converse lay abandoned at the edge of the water, her feet bare.

One of the groundskeepers had seen her wander into the forest beyond the south lawn.  They had nannies, but they were actively discouraged from keeping a close eye on them.

"A watched cauldron never boils," Moira had said, holding David's cheeks in her hands. She turned his head side to side, inspecting him as if he were a prospective piece of art. "Oh, David," her eyes bore into his, "what a fine young witch you make. My bébé boy." She broke away, leaving as quickly as she came. "Run along, now. There is much to be learned out in the great yonder."

They were supposed to be meeting with their Latin tutor, but Alexis skipped it when she didn't feel like going. She had a far better ear for languages and David always learned faster when he didn't have half a mind focused on worrying over where she was.

"David," Alexis called, nearly tumbling into the water as she stepped from stone to stone to get back to him. The stream was low, but wide. A series of sunken stones and downed trees bridging the gap.

"Hi Bluebell," he wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she barreled into him. Alexis had tied her braids together with the thick cream ribbon. He had sewn small silver bells along the edges last week and they rang, soft and clear, through the woods. "We have Latin soon," he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "What are we doing out here?"

Alexis tipped her head back to look at him, "The birds finally left their nest!" She stepped away to point across the river. She had been diligently monitoring a clutch of Robins, their pale blue shells calling to her long before they gave way to small, chirping birds. “I want to collect the shells and their soft little baby feathers.”

Alexis turned back to look at him, crinkling her nose. The summer sun had left a spray of freckles across her cheeks. David hoped they didn’t disappear as autumn blew in; they were endlessly charming. “Will you get it for me?” Alexis asked, “I can’t get across.” She gestured to the path through the stream.

“Um, no,” David said. He scaled a small hill to settle cross legged on a wide, flat rock. “You can get it yourself.”  He would help her if she truly needed it, but she didn’t. She was just used to getting her way.

“David!” she protested, “It’s really hard.”

“Alexis,” David replied calmly, flipping open his Latin text. “You are perfectly capable of crossing the steam on your own.” He glanced up. Alexis had her hands on her hips, mouth turned down in an approximation of a pout. “I’m not always going to be there to do things for you. You need to learn to do them on your own.”

"And why not, David?” she asked, “Where are you going, hmm?" David heard the sound of his mother's heels clacking on the foyer, his father's office door closing. Nowhere. I’m right here. You’re the one who’s going to leave me.

"You're stalling," he said, gesturing pointedly at the rocks.

“Fine,” Alexis huffed, toes digging into the earth. She had a defiant set to her shoulders, tilting her head as she studied the water.

David watched her step on a wobbly log for the fifth time in a row. It would get her closer to the next rock, but it hadn’t set properly in the bed of the stream. There was one a few feet away that was sturdier.

“Try the other one,” he said as she flung her arms out for balance. Alexis looked back at him skeptically, but did as he suggested. He set the textbook in his bag and scooped up her shoes, following her across with deft movements.

“You could do that the whole time,” Alexis said, scowling as she took her shoes. She knelt down to tie them with agitated motions.

“Yes,” David bit back a laugh at the indignant crinkle in her forehead, “and now you can too.”  

“Okay, but, can you just climb the tree for me?” Alexis asked, eyes drafting up to the next. She bit her lip, looking scared, and that wasn’t right. Alexis was the most reckless, fearless person he knew.

“Nope,” David said, “if I have to miss Latin for this, you’re getting the nest yourself.”

He slid a courage charm from his bag; twin cinnamon sticks wrapped in twine, “Here, I made it with mom. It’ll make you brave.” It was supposed to anyway. David had never felt particularly courageous, but Alexis didn’t need to know that. She held out her wrist and he tied it on.

Alexis scrunched up her nose. "I don't feel any braver."

"You have to choose to," David said, "that's all magic is, intention. You have to want it to work."

"It didn't look so far up before," Alexis said, tipping her head back to look up the tree. "It's scary high, David."

"Good," David followed her gaze. It was pretty high up, but there were a good number of branches. She was light enough that they would hold her, "then you'll be careful."

"David," she pleaded.

"Alexis," he repeated in the same whiny tone. "Be scared then," he said seriously. "Choose to do it anyway." He was a little scared for her, if he were being honest. He dug his fingernails into his hands to keep from stopping her. She could do it for herself; it was important that she knew that.

"Oh." Alexis looked as if the idea hadn't occurred to her. “Okay.” She reached for the lowest branch, a line of determination between her brows. He wondered if she knew she was floating, hovering in mid air for a fraction of a second, as she made the leap up to grab hold of it.

She wasn’t so lucky with the second, worn rubber soles slipping against the trunk of the tree. David watched, with slow mounting horror, as her fingers unwound from their hold one by one. He had never moved faster in his life.

“You caught me,” Alexis said, starting up at him with wide, blue eyes. He held her in his, shockingly steady, arms. His heart pounded against his chest.

“I’ll always catch you,” David said emphatically. It was his job to be there when she needed him.

“Promise?” Her voice was still a little shaky.

“Promise,” he said without hesitation. David set her on her feet, smoothing his hands over her shoulders. “Ready to try again?”

“You’ll be right here the whole time?” Alexis asked, searching his face.

“You’re stalling,” David said with a teasing grin. She rolled her eyes, turning to reach for the branch. He had the feeling Alexis would fall again, but he would always be there before she could hit the ground.

Part 3 of ?