#perhaps Caleb still worries about the dangers. the way he loves so fully it is a risk to allow others to know

[lakrisrot]

The fact that Caleb appears to be more private about his relationship, while Essek is the one who will speak about his boyfriend to anyone, rather than it being the (expected?) other way around… so important to me

[saphirered]

Would an individual ask about Caleb ending up with the reader instead of Essek at the end of campaign be alright? I love the wizard bois together, but I'm crushing baaaad on Caleb hehe. Maybe they teach and live happily ever after together, very domestic living after all the adventures they've had :3

Hoping to satisfy your Caleb crush. How's this for some domestic fluff? Enjoy! 😘

The first rays of sunlight are blocked by thick heavy curtains. Awake or asleep, Caleb’s sense of time never fails him. He wakes up bright and early on the minute precise but makes no move to truly start his day. How could he with the sight he wakes to? There you lay, in his arms, eyes closed in peaceful sleep. Never did he think he’d see you so relaxed, or allow yourself to be so relaxed. Sure your lives are not free of stress or the occasional disaster and rarely are your livelihoods in peril these days but compared to months ago that doesn’t even come close to the dangers you’ve faced together; dangers that the majority of the people will never know about. A moment of peace and quiet was just another luxury you and him couldn’t truly afford no matter how much you may have pretended. But now you finally know peace.

Caleb watches your eyes flutter beneath your eyelids and watches just a moment longer carefully trailing his fingers up from their place on your waist to your cheek, caressing it fondly as you sleep. He reminisces when and where your lives intertwined in that tavern in Trostenwald and the events leading you both here together in your shared apartment in Rexxentrum at the Soltryce Academy as respectable teachers of the arts you both love.

When you first met Caleb feared you. He feared you more than anything for you just like him had ties to the Cerberus Assembly but you did not suffer the same fate he had. Luckily your studies were of no interest of his former master and you were instead claimed by another sent out into the world to learn more and find your own way. He was so scared you might lead the Assembly to his nonexistent doorstep and at one point entertained the thought you were a spy sent to bring him back but you proved the opposite. When he revealed his story and you told him you would help him or die trying beside him he brushed you off. Persistent as you are you gave him the wakeup call of a lifetime saying that you’re not doing this just for him but everyone before him, everyone after him.

To Caleb you will always represent all that is good and pure in this world despite the horrors that may have shaped you, changed you for better or worse. He will always consider himself to be the luckiest man in the world to have you at his side as his confidant, moral compass, study-mate, intellectual equal, bailout, friend, partner, but most of all; his lover for he could not want for anyone else in the world. No one could ever replace you and no one can compare to you. You may tell him you’re not the most intelligent, quick-witted, charming or interesting individual in the world but to him you are and he will argue with you on that until you grow tired of him and are forced to accept. He certainly does not mind the fluster of your cheeks and kiss you offer to shut him up.

And now you lie asleep cuddled up against him, limbs intertwined, the sunset orange covers slipping from your shoulder. Caleb hears the birds begin their song signalling he must leave the warm comforts of your embrace so carefully he begins to untangle his legs from yours, his arm from underneath your head replacing it by quickly pulling the pillow above down. He begins to untangle your grasp on his shirt slowly removing your fingers one by one. A deep intake of breath on your end and adjustment of your legs below the covers has him worried he’s woken you up.

Caleb knows fully well you have your own ways of waking up on time and you would have asked him the night before if he ought to wake you, so since you’re not already awake he’ll give you every extra minute of sleep you can get. You deserve it so he’ll curse himself if he’s the one to ruin it. Once you have adjusted and he’s sure you’re still sleeping he continues and removes himself from the warm comforts you’re huddled up among longing for nothing more than to share them a minute longer and gathers his things. In putting his lesson plans, notes and a few books to pass the time for the day he bends down to allow the orange tabby to jump into his arms and sets the cat onto the table taking a moment to stroke its fur and give some chin scratches leaving the little beastie purring.

Ridding himself of his night clothes Caleb puts on his shirt, and trousers tucking the shirt into the waistband and moves on to his footwear as per his usual routine. He takes the vest set out for him and is about to button it up when he feels eyes on him. His first thoughts go to the cat but that one’s not the guilty audience so instead his eyes fall to you, propped up against the headboard watching him.

“Well don’t stop on my accord. Though, I prefer the clothes back on the chair.” Your voice is still riddled with sleep but you’re awake enough for your comments so Caleb feels justified to give you a disapproving scowl though he cannot prevent the smile from creeping up his lips.

“Good morning to you too.” Caleb smiles as you cover a yawn with the back of your hand. You pull yourself out of the bed and stumble over to Caleb until you’re toe to toe placing a hand on his cheek guiding him into a kiss. Your lips move against his and his arms wrap around you to return and welcome your efforts openly. Though, enough’s enough and Caleb breaks the kiss giving you one final peck in an attempt to kiss away the onset disappointment and pout on your end.

“No matter how much I’d like to continue, Astrid will have both of our heads we show up late.” Caleb runs his fingers through your hair kissing your cheek as you cross your arms. Is there nothing you can do to convince him to stay? He might be right about Astrid…

“Well, I do not have any classes until second period but if you’re so adamant to stay with me I can send the archmage a message to tell her you’re regretful to be missing your first class of the day and to find a substitute.” You’re joking. Not really. A joke hiding the actual offer. Caleb considers it for a brief moment purely to entertain the thought but he knows very well he shouldn’t.

“You know we can’t but how about I make it up to you with dinner and dancing and a night in? Just the two of us.” Caleb cups your cheeks stroking your cheekbones with his thumbs, a gesture he knows very well makes you melt.

“That sounds like an agreeable offer, professor Widogast.” Your acceptance brings another bright smile to his face and he pulls you into another chaste kiss to seal the deal. This time you’re the one to pull away.

“Best get you ready for the day then, lest you be late.” Your nimble fingers stroke down the front of his chest finding the buttons of his vest and one by one buttoning them up. Once you’re done you take a few steps back looking him over.

“Do I pass your inspection, professor?” Caleb laughs half the mind to do a little spin for you but he refrains instead lifting the cat from the table into his arms.

“With flying colours. I think his highness is inclined to agree.” You watch as the cat meows making himself comfortable in your wizard’s arms without any intent to go anywhere but alas, all good things come to an end be it for the cat or you. With some protests Caleb puts the cat back on the ground allowing the creature to skitter off to gods know where.

You pull open the curtains allowing the light of dawn to fill the room. Caleb already regrets the decision of not taking you up on your offer to call in late and miss his first class as you look absolutely radiant but he feels certain both of you will be missing second and possibly even third period if he does, so he must refrain. Tonight will make up for it. He’s already got the perfect place in mind for dinner.

You catch Caleb staring, his gaze following you as you pull at the heavy fabric until the outside world is revealed to you. You put a little sway in your step before you gather your own clothes for the day and change in your usual attire, slowly. Deliberately slow. If he’s already staring you better not waste your opportunity and make a show of it.

“No use in staying in bed all alone. His Highness makes for good company but he’s a dull conversationalist. Perhaps I’ll drop by Beau at the Archives?” You deliberate your events for the morning tapping your chin.

“If you do, tell the Expositor I have some more files for her to study.” Caleb, finally pulled out of his trance steps back over to you, or rather besides you to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder. You know he’s about to be off so you wrap your arm around his waist as you guide him to the door. Not much you can change about the need for students to be taught the wonders of transmutation magic. While you may find times you’d want to spend more time together, in the end neither of you would ever want to give up teaching. There’s plenty of other times you can spend together happily. Or you can justify combining your classes for one reason or another as you love nothing more than to share your passions.

“I’ll see you in a few hours at the Academy?” Caleb watches as you fall silent for a moment, your focus drawn away.

“Yes, I’ll make sure he knows. We’ll be there. Thank you.” You speak but Caleb knows fully well it’s not directed at him. This has become a habit he’s very much gotten used to so he simply awaits for you to share the message.

“Astrid wants us for lunch. She threatened to limit your access to the library if you’re late.” Of course she does, Caleb thinks to himself. So the archmage may or may not have heard about his almost-arrest of the day before. He’d already gotten an earful from you.

“Of course she does. There go our lunch plans for our free period.”

“You’re the one to get arrested for- and I quote ‘encourage insurgence among young impressionable souls’.” You grin. Okay, you may have been a little proud of Caleb actively trying to do better but you could do without the accusations of treason. You’d rather not have Caleb spend the night in jail because word got out or he pissed off the wrong person. You’d expect this from Beauregard but had hoped Caleb would be more careful about it and so apparently thought Astrid. He’s in for a scolding according to her tone.

“Merely teaching young impressionable souls how to be better. Is that a crime?” You grab Caleb’s coat and help him into it as he offers you a ‘thank you’.

“According to the king, yes it is.” The amusement in your voice is enough to earn you a playful glare. You open the door for Caleb and he steps halfway out offering you one final kiss.

“Love you.” Caleb pecks your lips. You’ve drawn out the length of the kiss long enough and he’s already on the verge of running late now so no matter how much he may want to stay, he has to go.

“Love you too, Caleb. See you soon and for the love of the arcane arts; stay out of trouble.” You know he won’t make that promise as he can’t keep it but you still tell him to every time. You kiss his cheek stepping back and watching the wizard leave as you close the door. Nothing but a usual morning; sneaking out of bed, cats, kisses, a message from your friend the archmage, talks of treason and the love of two fate-entwined mages trying to make the world a better place.

[maskeddevera]

I’m going to write a line by line analysis about the Fjord and Jester scene from last night. I had a bad day earlier this week, and the whole episode yesterday made me so happy, and this scene was beautiful, so I’m going to gush about it a bit. This whole episode really turned my week around (with the caveat that I went to bed so missed the final monster introduction.)

First of all, to set the scene, Jester has been struggling (but playing it off) ever since the spell stole a few years of her life earlier in the day. Fjord has been struggling because he realizes he didn’t even try to do anything to protect her, and the spell took a lot, and it could have been so much worse. He goes to her door, I think, mostly to confess that he feels badly that he wasn’t there for her and also vaguely aware that he might share his fear that they might not get that chance to deal with his baggage.

[Fjord knocks on her door.]

JESTER: Hello?

Jester is surprised. They often have heartfelt conversations, but Fjord doesn’t usually visit her room.

FJORD: Um, I was really worried about you...when you fell.

He just comes out with it...here’s the main thing, it was scary to see her fall.

JESTER:  Yeah...

It was also scary for her, too.

[heavy eye contact]

FJORD:  This suddenly feels far more serious than I thought it might be.

I’m not sure if here he is talking here about visiting the north or initiating this conversation -- but either way, he laughs. He’s nervous.

JESTER:  I know. I can’t get the image out of my head...it’s scary.

Fjord gives Jester space to share. Like he said he would, he will listen to her. By initiating this conversation, she feels safe telling him that the image of the city that is haunting her.

FJORD:  What do you think will happen?

An open-ended question for Jester. Again, letting her share her thoughts and fears...wanting to know what she thinks.

JESTER:  I think if they bring it back, it will, um...it will absorb everything it can.

She sees the possibilities and how dangerous it could become.

JESTER [continued]: It felt like all of the people that lived there, like -- like they were part of the city now, like they could never escape. It felt like hell. It felt -- like torment.

She feels this so hard. It’s eating her up inside.

FJORD: And we have to stop it, right?

Fjord acknowledges that with that information they need to stop it--as a team, but you can see that he is still struggling with his concern for her.

JESTER:  Yeah.

FJORD: I -- I may have an, uh, a problem. Uh...

The problem is he loves Jester and is worried that he would lose her. The problem is he feels like he wasn’t there for her. The problem is he is so scared.

JESTER [softly]: What is it?

Suddenly Jester is focusing on him, worried about what Fjord’s problem might be.

FJORD [continued]: I saw you standing on that pillar, and -- it was the first time where I kept myself from trying to stop something that was happening to you, and I didn’t do anything, and it’s--it’s bothered me.

Fjord feels like he screwed up and let her down. He feels like he could have lost her because he hesitated. Like he could still lose her if he hesitates.

JESTER: You couldn’t have done anything, Fjord. It was in my head, you know?

Jester isn’t sure why he’s beating himself up about this one - he didn’t even know what was happening.

FJORD: Uh. Yes.

I just like how he whispers the “yes,” like he knows it isn’t rational, but he still feels it.

FJORD: I don’t want you to gamble with yourself. I--I know we were playing, and it didn’t seem like much, and--it seems to have exacted a pretty serious toll. All I’m saying is, I just--I want you to be careful as we do this--I don’t think we’ll be the spectators that we thought we might be.

Here it is. Why he truly came time. He doesn’t want her to endanger herself. It’s a constant of not wanting her to be hurt or worse. He is starting to realize that they are involved deeper than they thought that they would be.

JESTER: Okay.

She listens.

FJORD: I want to come out of this and be able to go back to the sea, and go back to Nicodranus, and go back to where it’s warm and not f*ckin’ freezing, and...

Here the dream is stated. The happy ending. The sea, Nicodranus...her home, he’s imagining them returning together. A happy ending for both of them.

JESTER: Me too.

She is nodding. Same page. They have talked about this before, being together in a calmer time and place...some day. He is encouraged by her agreement.

FJORD: I just don’t know if that’s--I don’t feel as optimistic now.

More fears laid on the table. Maybe they won’t get there.

JESTER: Me neither. But...I’ll try to be safe. And you should, too.

She worries about losing the happy ending as well. She worries about his safety as well. He smiles when she shows concern for him.

JESTER [continued]: But if it comes down to it, if -- if it means stopping that Thing...I want to stop That Thing.

This decision is so important for Jester, and I love this for her ongoing arc. I also just really like that both clerics have this quest now. #TeamClerics

FJORD: I told your mother I would look after you.

So what I love about this sentence is Fjord absolutely takes his promise to Marion Lavorre very seriously, but that’s not why he says this to Jester. Yes, I do think he sees it as a vow (I love all the meta takes I have seen floating around about this being one of Fjord’s first steps into paladin territory), but what he is really doing here is the Fjord thing in which he uses others as a proxy for his feelings. So when Jester says she might endanger herself for the greater good, and he implies that her mother would be devastated if he had to tell her that something had happened to Jester, mostly he is thinking about how he would be devastated if anything happened to Jester.

JESTER: We’ll be fine, Fjord. We always are.

Jester attempts to reassure him and re-establish how they are a team. You can tell he isn’t fully reassured. And then he says what he really meant when he said “I told your mother I would look after you...”

FJORD: I care very much for you.

His voice in this moment...so real. Notice he still doesn’t use the word love, a token bit of holding back, but love is what is coming from him, and she hears it.

JESTER:  Really?

Her trembling voice...all of the signs, and she thought maybe especially with recent events, but she wasn’t sure if she was reading into the gift and the eye contact and the pauses...she is so hopeful here. He nods, and takes a deep breath, and he just wants so badly to take the next step, but he is scared.

JESTER: Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?

She says this to break the moment because she feels his hesitation, and also because she’s self-conscious about what happened today. And it’s the best thing that can happen because when they are silly Fjord forgets to be all in his head and nervous.

FJORD: It’s the longer horns...

He’s joking, but also he always seems to find her strength to be the most attractive physical characteristic about her, so of course he picks the horns to compliment.

JESTER: Yeah, it really does it, doesn’t it?

FJORD: Yeah...gives you an intimidating look.

The truth is he was intimidated before the horns got longer. He wants to kiss her so much, so he pulls her in and asks...

FJORD [continued]:  Can I kiss you?

Jester is delighted. She thought even if she wasn’t imagining things that this wouldn’t come any time soon. She shyly nods her agreement, and they kiss. I like how he nods and smiles, too, before kissing her -- he’s so relieved that she said yes!

FJORD: I don’t-- I don’t know how this will go. But I can’t promise that I’m going to let you just throw yourself at this thing. I don’t think I can do that.

This confession--he has made it to her before in a different way. Fjord will support her up to the point in which she could get hurt or die, and no more. And I also like how he always frames this confession as somewhat selfish, although it isn’t, because part of the reasoning is that he needs her. Also I think he is holding her this whole time because he never says that he lets her go.

JESTER:  I don’t have an argument.

She is fine with him serving as her protector. She’s giddy. Maybe they kiss here quickly again? In any case...

JESTER: Kissing is a lot more fun when you’re not dying.

FJORD: Or, and, not when you’re underwater, drowning.

JESTER: Yeah, yeah...that’s what I mean.

FJORD: Umhmm.

After their first real kiss, they talk about their “other” first kiss - Fjord attempting to save her life. And we see here that while Jester previously wondered if it “counted” or not, it meant something to Fjord too and that he also saw it as a kiss, although it wasn’t the most ideal circumstance. And perhaps that is why they never spoke about it before, because it was easier to leave it in that nebulous area of maybe it meant something more.

JESTER: I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

While this statement works for Jester, giddy and flustered, I think it also works for Laura who 100% was not expecting any of this to happen in this session.

FJORD: I’ve wanted to do it for a while...I’m kind of a big coward.

And now that it’s out there, now that she let him kiss him, he feels like he can tell her about how his fears held him back.

JESTER:  No, Fjord, you’re very brave.

Jester will always support Fjord and hype him up.

FJORD: I am very brave, aren’t I?

Being brave is facing your fears.

JESTER: Umhm.

FJORD:  I feel a bit...better.

This is what love is. Things can still be dark but your loved one lifts you up. He looks at her to gauge how she feels.

JESTER:  Me too.

[FJORD & JESTER overlapping voices as they teasingly discuss whether they really have to fight this city.]

FJORD:  We can get cats and just flee...

As mentioned in my other post, I think Fjord is discussing acquiring moorbounders, not attempting to abscond with Caleb’s fey cats. Again, this dream is the one about them leaving it all behind together.

JESTER:  We have to fight it.

FJORD: All right. I’ll see you in the morning.

JESTER: Okay.

FJORD:  Goodnight.

JESTER: Goodnight, Fjord.

[Jester goes to hold her little unicorn, falling asleep holding it. Fjord doesn’t sleep much.]

I just love this final image -- Jester now certain that the unicorn figurine means what she hoped it meant (and hopefully not breaking it in the night). Fjord keyed up and turned on and thinking about the conversation over and over, because he surprised himself with his choices but it went well, better than he ever expected.

[theoriginalladya]

Kiss promot 32 for Caleb!

from this list

on AO3 here

Under cut for length.  But here you go!  Hope you enjoy! :)  Thanks so much for the ask!

(and just to prove I can indeed write fluff ....)  lol

~~~

As he descends to the common room from above stairs, Caleb notices that the evening atmosphere in Old Neddy’s hasn’t changed much in the decade plus he’s been gone.  Perhaps a bit more jovial now that the war is over and there is some relief to be had, or maybe that’s simply because of his presence.  Though there are fewer patrons, a few familiar faces recognize him and wave.  Smiling broadly, he waves back, but he doesn’t linger.  He is on a mission this evening, an important one to be sure, and he scans the room, eventually finding his quarry standing at the bar.

Moira is behind the counter tonight.  She greets him with a warm, familiar smile and pulls him a pint, sliding it over as he moves in next to Kaidan and Coats who are deep in conversation with Ruairí when he walks up.

“Ah, sealgaire,” Ruairí greets him, lifting his glass and murmuring the familiar toast.  It’s as natural as breathing to echo it in return.  

Coats snorts softly and takes a sip of his glancing over at Caleb.  “You weren’t kidding, were you?”

Caleb chuckles before taking a long, deep pull from his glass.  “It’s taken you over a decade to realize that?”  When Ruairí and Kaidan both look confused, Caleb just shakes his head and bumps his shoulder into Coats’.   Setting the pint back on the counter, he chides with his usual friendly yet competitive grin, “You’re getting slow, old man.”

Coats ignores the jibe and turns his attention away to answer a question from Ruairí.  Caleb takes that moment to lean in toward Kaidan.  “Up for a walk?”

“Sure.”  

They exit the pub together through the front door and turn left.  The sky is clear and there is a slight chill in the night air, but it is comfortable enough in their jackets.  Caleb leads the way in companionable silence for several blocks.  Instead of continuing on toward the river, they cross Tenth Street and head over two more then turn left again.  At this point, Caleb slows.  Some distance away, the Tenth Street bridge is in plain sight.  Somehow, it still connects the two sides of the river.  

A small shudder works its way across Caleb’s shoulders and he hunches deeper into his jacket.  “D’you remember when I told you about meeting Ned?” he asks, finally breaking the silence.

Kaidan eyes him for a long minute and when he looks over, it’s difficult to miss the soft smirk on his lips.  Caleb arches his brow in question.  “The longer we’re here, the thicker your accent gets.”

Caleb laughs, a hint of embarrassment dusting his cheeks, but he doesn’t turn away.  

“And yes, I remember.”

Placing a hand at Kaidan’s shoulder, he gently guides him down the embankment near the river’s edge.  When they reach the water line Caleb points across the water.  For a half-second, the old fear returns, but he manages to shake free of it before it takes firm hold.  “It was right about here,” he says quietly, tilting his chin at their feet, “where my memories begin.”  He shoves his hands deep into his pockets and stares up at the starry night sky.  The moon shines bright and full, gleaming off the water around them.  It’s good to see the stars again; feels like ages since he just stood back and looked up at the sky just to see.  No crises to resolve.  No wars to fight.  Nothing but time to stand and breathe deeply side by side with the person he cares most about.  

It’s quiet around them; there are few vehicles that still work in this area of the country.  Kaidan reaches out and slides his hand into Caleb’s, squeezing.  “I’m just glad to be counted among them.”

Caleb returns the pressure.  “Can you walk a little further?”

“Wherever you lead is fine with me, you know that.”

The full meaning of his words is not lost on Caleb and with their hands still secured in the other’s, he continues tracing the shoreline.  His pace is casual; managing anything faster is impossible given the current state of his hip.   After another ten minutes or so, he slows again.  Just off the water’s edge, maybe a thousand feet distant and shining brightly under the moon, the outline of a smaller landmass is visible.  Lifting their joined hands, Caleb points at it.  “Over there?  That is Saint’s Island.  I met Anderson there.”

“You did?”  Kaidan stares over at him in surprise.  “Why there?”

Caleb sighs.  He chuckles softly as he explains, “You met Athair the other night, aye?” Kaidan nods.  “When the Reds fell, after Ruairí and the rest could no longer keep going, I was still free.  From the time I met Athair when I walked out of the river, he always told me I could go to him for sanctuary, whenever necessary.  That night, when I had nowhere else to go, he took me and kept me safe.  When the danger came too close, he led me through a secret passage over there.”  

Caleb sighs heavily and shakes his head.  “Apparently, he and Anderson knew each other from serving together in the First Contact War, so he called in a favor.”  Caleb’s lips press into a thin, tight line as his eyes focus across the water.  Though he knows this isn’t the right position to see it from, he imagines that day, the first image he ever had of Anderson as he stepped off the shuttle and greeted Athair.  Caleb misses Anderson, still cannot fully wrap his head around what happened up on the Citadel at the end of the war.  Guilt is a common friend these days, one that he has no doubt the admiral would chide him for, but that knowledge does little to chase it away.  “He saved my life that day.”

Kaidan tugs his hand free and closes the distance between them so he can wrap an arm around Caleb’s waist.  “Not the only time.”

“No.”  Caleb turns into the partial embrace and leans over until their foreheads touch. Closing his eyes, he savors the closeness for a long moment in quiet.  “Thank you for coming to Ireland with me,” he whispers.  It’s all he can manage.  “I know you are worried about your mother – .”

Kaidan turns his head and stops him with a kiss; slow, easy, relaxed.  “Mom knows I’m safe,” he murmurs when they pull apart a little.  “Right now, you are most important to me.”

Caleb’s hand slides up behind Kaidan’s head, combs through his hair, and holds him still as he finds his lips again, this time the touch is more desperate and thorough.  “For so long,” he rasps when he stops to suck in a breath again, “I’ve wanted to share Ireland with you.”

Kaidan smiles and nuzzles his nose along the side of Caleb’s.  “You have,” he insists.  “Every glass of whiskey we’ve shared, every toast you give, every time you curse in Irish or just plain speak.”  He lifts his free hand and presses it over Caleb’s heart.  “Your home is here and you carry it wherever you go; past, present and future.  As long as we are together, it will always be here.”

Their lips touch again, soft and sweet; a kiss of love and affirmation.  Caleb wraps his arms around Kaidan and holds him tight.  “Always the romantic,” he murmurs, laughing softly.  

Kaidan grins.  “You know me.”

“That I do, mo ghrá.  That, I very much do.”

[joracalltrise]

I’ve fallen in love with the 7th season of the Clone Wars, but in the same time this season… disappointed me so much. Do you, guys, feel the same? Or are you fully satisfied?

I warn you, that I’m going to more or less skip the good things and get to the bad things – not because I’m a complaining person, but because I believe a lot of people have already listed all positives about the last episode and season 7 in general (especially <url> www.gffa.tumblr.com </url> – dude, I really love your blog!), so me talking about the things I had loved in the latest season, would be… repeating what other people have already said.

I think we all (or most of us) agree, that the 7th Season was totally amazing, if not THE BEST season of the Clone Wars. We got that clear? Okay, now let’s get to the “buts”.

1. Not enough episodes

I’ll sound a bit whiny here, but… I really don’t get it, why couldn’t we get full 20 episodes for the Final Season of the Clone Wars. Or even more than 20. Maybe there are people in Disney, who are smarter than me, and they know the answer to that question, but STILL… if Star Wars is such a good brand, why not making more of the Clone Wars?

Of course, there are also advantages of producing only 12 episodes.

The whole season feels more like a movie than a TV series. Or, rather – like three movies. Instead of “small stories” we were given three solid Arcs, which are very smoothly connected to each other. That’s a good thing. It’s not the same case as “the Legend of Korra”, where 12 episodes would give us a feeling of an enormous pacing.

BUT. Because I was given only 12 episodes, I got to miss some of my favorite characters.

2. Lack of some important characters

We didn’t see Dooku in the last season the Clone Wars – not even ONCE!

We didn’t see Grievous in the last season of the Clone Wars – not even ONCE!

We didn’t see Ventress in the last season of the Clone Wars – not even ONCE!

We BARELY saw Obi-Wan (sniff! sniff!) – poor guy got some bigger scenes only in “Good friends not forgotten” and “Phantom Apprentice”. And some short (but really good) lines in “An unfinished business”.

Padme got ONE scene (one that confirms, that Anakin is, in fact, blind, since he didn’t comment on her baby bump).

Now, someone would roll their eyes and say – yeeeeaaaah, but Dooku, Grievous, Obi-Wan and Padme got PLENTY of TV time in the Revenge of the Sith, duh! If you want more of them, just watch RoTs, again. Okay, I agree, but… that was the whole point of me watching the Clone Wars. I liked it so much, because prequel trilogy was not enough for me. I wanted MORE of my favorite characters. What’s wrong with that?

And what about Ventress? She was supposed to have such a great Arc with Quinlan Vos!

Than brings us to the next case…

3. Abandoned and Non-existing Arcs

Utapau Arc… oh, I’m NEVER gonna forgive them for Utapau Arc!

I believe it was actually the best Arc in the Clone Wars. I’ve watched those unfinished episodes sooo many times, and they have brought me more joy than ANY full-fledged episodes. So many good moments in those episodes!

So much of Obi-Wan and Anakin dynamics (I’m sorry, Ahsoka fans, but no matter how much Felloni and Co will try to persuade me otherwise, OBI-WAN is a Jedi who has the closest relationship with Anakin, NOT Ahsoka. Quarrel, if you like, but that’s how I feel, sorry).

Anakin interacting with animals (outrageous, cute and absolutely beautiful).

Anakin’s great plan “ups, I’ve fallen asleep… ah, no, it was my plan from the beginning!”

Scorpion creature playing with Anakin’s lightsaber, and Anakin killing the creature “by accident”.

And FINALLY two best moments:

“Awww, got yourself captured again, Old Man?” (I’ll NEVER get tired of Anakin calling Obi-Wan “old man”, okay?”

And Obi-Wan merrily waving to Grievous, when he and Anakin escape with the cristal.

Ventress and Quinlan Arc – even if they didn’t follow a comic, they could have made an amazing Arc out of this.

Small Padme Arc? Like… how she was dealing with her pregnancy, while working for the Senate? Anything? Pretty please?

Some Arc involving Ayala Secura or Kit Fisto or Ki Adi Mundi or Plo Koon – just to say goodbye to those characters before Order 66? By the way, it’s kind of weird, Ahsoka didn’t think or talk about Plo Koon even a little bit, during the WHOLE season. That’s the disadvantage of having only 12 episodes, yup!

The last Padawan Arc aka Caleb Dume turning into Kanan Jarrus Arc aka One of my biggest disappointments for the last season. Why… WHY they didn’t do it?! The trailer gave me soooo muuuch hope! I really, REALLY wanted to see Kanan interacting with Depa and the Clones. Yes, I know, comics and stuff, but comics is not TV, and I love watching my favorite characters with nice soundtrack and great voice actors and everything. R.I.P. my expectations for Caleb Dume’s Arc in Clone Wars… sniff sniff!

Of course, there’s more, but those are the ones that come to my mind firsts.

4. Ahsoka’s character in this last season

Now, let’s talk about the character who got the most of the TV time in the whole season (if not the whole series).

Ahsoka’s greatest fans will probably get angry at me, but I’m still gonna say this. Not because I dislike Ahsoka, because I DO like her, and I think she’s an amazing character. Actually, before I start throwing my “accusations”, I’ll say some nice things about Ahsoka, so that you know I’m not trying to be mean here.

What Ahsoka did in the 7th season, can be mostly explained by her young age. She’s clearly at the rebel stage, she’s got through some really awful experiences (getting accused of treason, when you’re INNOCENT can really leave someone pretty shaken up, I think we all agree), and before Martez Sisters Arc for the first time in her life she was really, really ALONE.

Also, we all know that Ahsoka will be more mature in Rebels. It kind of makes sense, that you need to become an angry and proud teenager first, before you become an experienced and charismatic leader.

BUT, even knowing that, I’m really annoyed at Ahsoka after the last season. I’ve liked her during all 5 seasons of the Clone Wars, she was one of my favorite characters, but after season 7, she really got on my nerves. And honestly? I’m starting to think, it wasn’t even her fault. Maybe it was just the Clone Wars creators turning her into to some sort of… agenda? Using her to prove something? About the whole Jedi Order, maybe? Or about Anakin?

But, anyway, to the point…

Ahsoka’s actions in season 7 basically resulted in three groups of fans.

Group Number One (that’s NOT me) – people who started to think Ahsoka is some sort of saint, the only good (ex) Jedi in the rotten Order, the very best person, and oh, if only other Jedi could act like her, then maybe nothing bad will happen. And, oh, Obi-Wan and the rest Council sitters could REALLY learn from this amazing woman!

Group Number Two (that’s me) – people rising an eyebrow to Ahsoka’s behavior and being slightly annoyed at her.

Group Number Three (I don’t know who’s there, but there are some people) – people hating Ahsoka, getting really angry at her for acting the way she acted, and also blaming her for not using her knowledge about Sidious wanting to make Anakin his apprentice.

Who’s right? Maybe no one? Maybe partly everyone? I don’t know, so I’ll just proceed to explain my own subjective point of view.

I’ve already said some things about Ahsoka in this post:

<url> https://joracalltrise.tumblr.com/post/615743227991031809/ahsoka-versus-obi-wan-where-did-that-even-come </url>

I’m going to say more, but it’ll be much shorter.

What I disliked about Ahsoka most in the latest season was the fact, that she wanted to have a cookie and eat the cookie and she started to lecture people smarter and more experienced than her how to do their job.

Let’s start with the first one, by looking into Ahsoka’s particular words and actions. So…

She doesn’t want to be a Jedi, but she wants Republic to support her actions (siege of Mandalore) and let her participate in important Jedi-only discussions (Mace Windu talk). Kind of like some Brexit supporters, don’t you think? “Let’s leave the EU, but let’s keep all the privileges of the country belonging to the EU, because we are so smart, we deserve it and that’s it”. Oh, come on! You either leave of not – make up your mind, Ahsoka (Britain could, so why can’t you?).

She wants Anakin and Obi-Wan to help her but she doesn’t want to ASK them nicely and try a little bit to act like a person asking for help. She just expects them to agree, because they… what? Owe her? Owe her WHAT? Not supporting her ENOUGH, when she was accused (let me remind you: Obi-Wan sided with Ahsoka during Council meeting, and Anakin was litteraly running around Coruscant to prove his Padawan’s innocence)?

Her being angry about Anakin and Obi-Wan choosing Coruscant over Mandalore – I’m not even commenting that, because I’m tired of talking about it. But I’ll add just one more thing here – did it occur to anyone that Trace and Rafa are still on Coruscant, when Coruscant is attacked? What a great friendship you have formed, Ahsoka! Not even a single worry about whether or not your new friends will be in danger? But wait, they don’t need you, cause people in Mandalore need you more. Cool (sorry about the sarcasm, guys, but I couldn’t resist).

And now, the second thing.

If you want to change some huge organization, especially one like a Jedi Order, the best way to do it, is from the inside. Qui-Gon Jinn was like no other Jedi, and he was probably tempted to leave, but he chose to stay, and his presence benefited the Order in many many ways! He didn’t really change the Jedi – died before he could – but there was a chance. Perhaps Anakin could have changed the Jedi, had he not turned to the dark side? I think he would! Maybe, if he would mature even more (although, in Clone Wars he matured A LOT – look at the “Old friends not forgotten” episode) and join the Council a bit later, when the time was right… just imagine it! The Jedi Code hasn’t ALWAYS forbidden marriages and love. The Order could have come back to its old ways. Good thing, stuff like fanfiction exists ;)

But anyway, coming back to Ahsoka. If you LEAVE an organization, and then you start lecturing its members about morality and choices, it’s kind of obvious, they won’t take you seriously. And yeah, I fully support Obi-Wan’s statement “but Ahsoka is no longer a part of the Republic Military”, and I totally agree with Mace calling her “a citizen”. It’s all about Ahsoka wanting to keep and wanting to eat at the same time. What she wanted in the final season, basically, is doing all the good things she remember doing in the Order (helping people selflessly, supporting friends), but without having to deal with difficult (but necessary) things (like making difficult choices and dealing with consequences, duty versus emotion, all of this so called “playing politics”, etcetera). It’s like wanting to have a pet, but leaving all the problems – going to the vet, curing the animal, when it’s sick, maybe even making the decision of “putting a friend to a sleep” to keep it from suffering – to somebody else. Do you get, what I mean?

And before I leave the poor girl alone, I have one more thing to add.

I don’t like making Ahsoka “another Rey”.

Strong female characters are very much needed in the popculture. I’m a girl too, so I understand. But, for Force’s sake, don’t upgrade somebody’s skills ex-machina!

Okay, fine, they’ve made Rey a Force prodigy because she’s *********’s granddaughter and apparently she was already good in martial arts before she has left Jakku. Some people like that.  I don’t. I prefer an actual skill development instead of sudden skills upgrage.

But Ahsoka didn’t held a lightsaber for a long time, and first time she grabs her new pair, she becomes a one person machine. I wouldn’t say it makes me particularly upset, because it was nice to watch. But it DID disturbed me. And I couldn’t help the feeling, that canon was a bit shifted to match Ashoka fan’s expectations.

The canon got me used to the fact, that Star Wars strongest prequel fighters were Yoda, Palpie, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Mace, Dooku and Maul. I might have forgotten someone, but you get my point, right? Experienced and adult fighters, whose skills are logical and earned. Actually, I think that Ahsoka from Rebels fits that group as well.

I repeat it – Ahsoka FROM REBELS!

In Rebels she’s an adult and she’s got plenty of time to hone both her Force and lightsaber skills.

I’m not saying, I’m hating her fighting like a pro with Mandalorians and Maul. I repeat it - It WAS nice to watch. I’m just not buying it.

Like I’m not buying some other things.

5. Lack of logic (especially in Martez Arc)

It’s not a big fault, actually. We get plenty of those in pop culture shows. It gives us a lot of room for “How It Should Have Ended” videos ;)

But, seeeriiouslyyy…

Ahsoka using the Force right and left in the Martez Arc, while Rafa and Trace don’t notice A THING… are they deaf and blind, or something?

Is Anakin blind as well? Does he REALLY not notice Padme’s baby bump? Was he too busy’s with his wife’s beautiful eyes, or what?

And – AGAIN! – Ahsoka grabing Maul’s ship with the Force. Since when grabing a  (MOVING) ship with the Force became a canonical skill of anyone other than Yoda (or maybe Palpatine)? No, wait, even Palpie and Yoda didn’t grab a MOVIG ship. Why Anakin and Obi-Wan couldn’t Force grab Dooku’s ship, when he was escaping Naboo? There were TWO of them, for Force’s sake, and one of them was the Forcedamn Chosen One! Why couldn’t they? Oh, wait, I know! Because it was BEFORE “The Rise of Skywalker”. In THAT movie Forcegrabing the ships became a canonical skill, especially for prodigical women loved by the audience (again – sorry about the sarcasm, guys). As a woman who used to train martial arts for YEARS, I’d like female protagonists to actually LEARN their super skills, before they use them. Okay?

But, well, Star Wars suddenly canonizing new amazing skills after years is a material for a different article.

And, like I said, it’s really not that big of a deal. The Clone Wars were still amazing and enjoyable to watch – especially the newest season.

Besides, well, I can’t get what I want all the time, right? Felloni and Co had to CHOOSE, whom they want to make happiest, and they’ve chosen Ahsoka’s fans. I don’t blame them. Maybe they’ll choose my preferences next ;) One can always hope, right?

Conclusions?

Yeah, I think that’s all I have to say about the newest season. And I repeat – once again – that in spite all this complaining, I really loved that season. And I loved reading about other people’s opinions about it. May the Force be with us all!

Thank you for reading this long, looong post!

If anyone’s up to the discussion, feel free to contact me.

[howlingheartdemigod]

Prompt: someone dangerous has taken Beau prisoner, and the M9 have to break in and get her back. Bonus points for angry/worried/protective Yasha and Beau being quietly surprised that anyone thought she was worth rescuing (gotta love negative self talk). Thanks!

Oh boo you know I’m here for some negative self talk. thank you for the prompt i really do love it

tw for mentions of violence, mentions of death, mentions of injuries

title from a poem by Christopher Poindexter

“I loved the wayshe touchedme

What more canI say?

her hands weremade from the thingswe all have trouble believing.”

Trouble Believing

The cell was small and dark, the air stale, smelling of piss and death. Bruised and bloodied, Beau was trying to accept the fact that she was going to die there. In addition to being generally horribly beaten, her nose was bashed, wrist probably broken, arms rubbed raw from the rusty manacles they’d put on her. She was fairly certain that her ribs were broken as well, and to top the Sunday of shitty things, she was becoming more and more lightheaded, like the air in the room wasn’t enough. Like she couldn’t get a breath right. Every gasp was a struggle, ripping through her painfully.

It had been days, probably. She’d been in the dark and the cold for so long, with no evidence that the sun even still existed, that she wasn’t totally sure. They’d tried beating the answers they were looking for out of her at first, and it had been a little easier to mark the days then, considering they stuck to some idea of meal times. But three went by, and they realized that she wasn’t going to talk, and had added starving her to the mix, coming in to tempt her with food, or kick the ever loving shit out of her, but she refused to break.

It helped that she didn’t know what the fuck they were asking about, shouting about some book and a thief. Sounded like The Cobalt Soul collecting intel, taking something with dangerous information out of the hands of those who would use it for chaos instead of order. Unfortunately it wasn’t her intel. So she was of no help to these brutes.

She kept thinking of her friends. Kept praying they knew she hadn’t abandoned them by choice. Kept wondering if they had mourned her loss. Kept hoping she’d get to see Mollymauk when this was all over. 

And, inevitably, without thought or permission, her mind wandered to Yasha. Yasha who she loved. Yasha who she was too much of a coward to say anything to. Yasha who wasn’t even with them when she was taken. Yasha who would never know how she felt. Yasha who wouldn’t know she was dead for who knows how long, days, weeks, months maybe. Yasha who would never feel the same anyway. Who she was abandoning just like Molly had. Like Zuala had. She knew it was selfish, feeling how she felt, but she would have liked to say it, just once. It would have been nice to say.

There was a ruckus outside the door, loud shouting, the sound of a body being slammed to the floor, and the cell door opening. Must be a new round of beating coming for her. The guys who came in for that tended to swing on each other just as often as they did at her. When this all had started, she made a point of pushing to her feet, straining against the chains, trying to fight back. She didn’t have the strength for that now. She closed her eyes, curling into the corner. Maybe they’d think she was dead. Maybe if they did they’d leave her alone to rot.

She heard the door swing open, heard an oddly familiar reedy gasp of shock, heard steps draw close. Just whens he expected violence, soft, almost scared hands came to cradle her face, turn her away from the wall.

“Oh, Gods.” Beau knew that rasp, that accent, that beautiful incredible voice. Her eyes flicked open to see the most beautiful sight she had ever seen kneeling in front of her.

Yasha, eyes dark pools, incredible skeletal wings extended from her back, the ends of her hair turned black, was there. She was right there. She was real. “Yasha?” She rasped softly, the word straining her.

“Hush, love.” Yasha said softly. Beau watched the ends of her hair return to normal, watched her wings return to her body. Yasha’s hand moved over Beau’s body searching for injuries. Beau’s eyes tracked her, feeling warm white healing energy radiate from her hands over her ribs.

“Why?” Beau asked. “This is… So dangerous, you shouldn’t have…”

Yasha looked up to Beau’s eyes, head tilting. “You think we would have ever left you?”

Beau swallowed, and Yasha turned her head, calling behind her. “Jester, she needs healing.”

Beau looked past Yasha for the first time, seeing Jester standing behind, looking relieved, and beyond her, Caleb and Nott both looking grateful, but antsy. Jester came over, kneeling next to Yasha.

“Fjord and Caduceus are keeping a clear path out. Nila came with us. She walked us through a tree.” Jester explained, a little smile coming to her lips.

Beau stared at Jester, feeling the green healing light course through her. She took a breath, ignoring the sting of her bones resetting, ignoring the odd sting of the skin knitting itself back together, focusing on the fact that her friends had followed her into hell. “Jester, this is… these guys are dangerous.”

“Those guys are dead.” Caleb intoned from behind. He had a wild look in his eye, a shake to his voice, a twitch in her finger tip. There was the smell of smoke in the air, Beau realized, that hadn’t been there before.

Before she could fully process what he’d done for her, she was being lifted off the ground. Yasha’s strong arms were around her, cradling her. She felt all too weak and all too safe for her liking, but couldn’t really bring herself to care. They were here, they were protecting her. She was safe. After days of not sleeping, not eating, fighting to keep upright through beatings, after all of that, she was safe.

Beau curled into Yasha’s hold, closing her eyes, and letting the world fall away, content to focus on the pounding of Yasha’s heart, and the fact that she smelled more like home than any building ever could.

Beau didn’t realized she’d fallen asleep, passed out really, until she woke up in a warm soft bed, sore beyond words. She cracked open her eyes in the streaming mid morning light, cutting through the open window like a blade. She hummed her protest and squinted her eyes shut again.

“Oh, thank Gods, you’re awake.” The soft rolling tone of Caduceus voice came rolling across the room tp her, and filled her with joy. She didn’t think she’d hear that again. She tilted her head in the direction, giving a little smile. “Don’t strain, I’ll come to you.” She watched the Firbolg stand, a tea cup in his hands, and move carefully across the room, taking big steps over bundles on the ground.

Not bundles, she realized quickly, people, friends. Fjord, Caleb, and Jester were all spread out on the ground. The door to the room was open, so she could only assume Nott had tiptoed out for whatever reason, maybe to get food, hopefully to get food. Beau had never been so hungry in her life. Beau turned her head a little more, and found that Yasha had fallen asleep sitting on the floor, head tilted back against the frame of the bed. She wanted to wake her, tell her to rest in some way that wasn’t going to give her neck problems, but she didn’t want to pull her from sleep either.

Caduceus came to a stop, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You still hurting?” He asked, voice low enough to keep from waking the others.

Beau cleared her throat a little, trying to match his quiet. “Yeah.” she admitted, “I’m hungry as all hell. And thirsty.”

Caduceus nodded. “I’ll get soup on soon. No more injuries though?”

Beau stretched a little, testing things out. “Wrist maybe. But it can just heal, don’t waste your magic on me-”

Before she could finish talking Caduceus had reached to put a hand over hers, warm pink energy radiating out. She felt her bones set back in place. “It’s not a waste.” He replied, giving a little nod.

She stared at him, heart squeezing with concern. “You guys shouldn't have come. Those guys were bad news. It was stupid and dangerous to come after me.”

Caduceus blinked a few times, frowning. “But you would come after us. You already have come after some of us.” He pointed out. “We couldn’t leave you behind, Beauregard. We could never survive it.”

Pink eyes radiated warmth, then Firbolg pushed to his feet. He picked his way across the room, towards the door. Beau looked around, eyes trailing on the now stirring forms of her friends, and let that roll over her. She looked to Yasha, who had awoken, and was staring at Beau with tears in her eyes.

‘ Could never survive it,’ rang in her ears, forcing a nasty truth to surface. She’d been so ready to die for her friends she hadn’t even considered needing to live for them.

A moment of time passed, and her friends all woke, each one checking on her. A while later, Caduceus and Nott returned with food. Later still, once there was food in her, someone explained to Beau that they were in Nala’s tribes new home, they’d been kind enough to welcome them in their time of need for helping them in theirs.

Beau nodded, telling herself she’d have to thank Nala. That she owed her big time. She looked around at her friends, something hard blocking her throat. “You guys shouldn’t have come.” She said. “It was…”

“Beau.” Jester cut her off, a spark in her eye that told Beau that going on was a bad idea. “We aren’t going to leave you behind. Ever.”

There was a moment of quiet, when Beau tried to digest that, tried to understand that, btu she just couldn’t. Beau dropped her eyes, feeling the bed next to her dip. A large pale hand laid over hers. Beau flipped her hand into Yasha’s grip, and threaded their fingers together.

Caleb cleared his throat. “Perhaps we should let Beau rest.” He suggested, standing, shuffling towards the door, waving the rest of them out.

Beau didn’t really want to be alone, but she didn’t want to bother them either, not after all the trouble they went through. Gradually, they all trailed out. Gradually, Beau and Yasha were left alone. She expected her to follow, she expected to be alone, but Yasha stayed. She swept her thumb along the back of Beau’s hand, letting out a little sigh.

“You okay?” Yasha asked, eyes scanning Beau’s form. Beau kept her eyes on Yasha, her heart pounding in her ears. Yasha looked up to meet her gaze when Beau didn’t respond. “Beauregard?”

“I’m… It’s...” She said, shaking her head. “I… I didn’t think you all were going to come. I thought I was going to die there. I thought...”

Yasha lifted a hand to Beau’s cheek. “Why would you ever, even for a moment, believe that I would let you be left behind?”

Beau felt tears track down her cheeks before she even realized they’d started to pool in her eyes. “I’m not worth this much trouble.”

Yasha’s head shook, and she leaned closer. There was something earnest behind her gaze, something honest and desperate. “You are worth more than the world. If you were ever taken from me again, I will happily tear it apart to get you back.”

Beau let out a broken breath, collapsing over, her head falling on Yasha’s shoulder.

Yasha held her, leaning them both back into the soft bed. “I’ve got you.” she heard Yasha promise. “I’m here.”

Normally, when Yasha promised that, Beau would wonder for how long. Normally she’d scan the sky for clouds. But this time, she just tucked her nose into the crook of Yasha’s neck and breathed her in, smelling rain, and lightning, and lavender, and home.

Beau woke hours later, as the sun was setting, and she was curled into Yasha’s side. Which meant Yasha was still there, leaning against the headboard, fingers carding through Beau’s hair. It was new, it was unexpected. They didn’t do this. They danced around the issue. They didn’t talk about it. Beau didn’t push her to talk about it. It wasn’t important, really. Beau wanted to say something, but she was plenty happy with how things were. No need to complicate it. But this, the touching, the waking up in bed, the kind words Yasha’d spoken it was all new, it was all complicated. Beau stretched, and moved to sit up. “Hey.” She said.

Yasha moved to help Beau sit up, a small soft smile coming to her lips. “Hello.” Her fingers skimmed over Beau’s wrist, no longer broken, but faintly bruised, then up her arm, like she was trying to commit her to memory. Her fingers stilled to hold the back of her neck, but her eyes kept moving. Beau watched her, tracking her gaze as it skimmed over her shoulder and down the line of her back. Watched it come up the curve of her waist, and then caught on her jaw. Then she moved to her face, smiling a little when their gazes caught, before scanning down, sweeping over Beau’s cheek bones, tripping on her nose, settling for all too long on the smirk on Beau’s lips. Beau would  have returned the favor, but she didn’t need to. She knew Yasha like she knew her own reflection.

Yasha sighed, hand drifting down her arm again. “I’ll go get Caduceus, you should eat.”

Beau flipped her hand to grab Yasha’s, gaze pleading. “Not yet.” She was scared, terrified, that Yasha would have to  go again, that The Storm Lord would call her away. She understood why, understood that the sort of saving he’d done for her wasn’t something that could be ignored. Beau was thankful, even, to him for saving her. For keeping her alive. For bringing her onto the path that let them meet. But just once, she felt like being selfish, she felt like keeping Yasha as long as she could. She tried to convey all of that, with a gentle squeeze of their tangled fingers. “Stay.”

Yasha looked down at their entwined hands, nodding. “I will.” the promise wasn’t forever, Beau knew. Forever wasn’t something Yasha could give yet, maybe not ever.

Yasha swallowed, eyes trained on their hands. “I… I was so terrified. I followed the call of the Storm Lord, and… normally he leads me to people who need help, or people who have hurt others, so when he lead me to the Nein... He lead me to our friends, and I looked around, and you were gone, and I just… was so terrified that this was a mission of vengeance. This was going to be taking a life for the life they took from us. I told myself it wasn’t but… I thought you might be gone. I thought I may have lost another love of mine. And then I realized that despite all my work, all my trying to distance myself from you all, from you, Beauregard, it was too late. But it’s… It’s not something… It’s not fair to you, because I can’t… Zuala was my wife, and I’m not… I have not healed from that loss, and I don’t know if I ever will in a way where I can love you how you deserve. It is not fair to you to ask for you to wait.”

Beau stayed quiet through her words, she listened. Then she nodded a little. “It’s too late for me too, Yash. I thought I was going to die in there.” Beau said, tears coming to her eyes despite herself. “You know what I kept thinking of?”

Yasha shook her head.

“You.” There was a moment of pause, of Beau watching Yasha take a broken breath, then nod. When spoke again, Beau’s voice more earnest than she remembered she had the capability for. “I’m… I’m not good at waiting, but for you, I can. For you, anything. So, take your time. If you ever get to a place where you can love me how you’d like, let me know. If you decide that…” Beau sighed, dropping her own eyes to their hands. “If this aint it for you, that’s fine too. But, as long as you need, I’m here.”

Yasha’s gaze lifted, and Beau tilted her head to meet it. There was something defiant behind the multi colored gaze. “What if I never make up my mind?” She said, a little bit of a challenge to her tone, like she was trying to get her to reconsider.

“That’s fine.” Beau shrugged, regretting it with how it strained her sore form. She bit back the pain and focused. “Yasha, you’re it. This is enough for me. How ever you want me.”

Yasha stared at her. And Beau almost wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to feel her heartbeat against her fingertips. But she realized she was content holding hands. She would have been content just seeing Yasha with her own eyes.

Yasha nodded, squeezing their hands. “You should eat. I’ll go get something.”

Beau nodded her agreement, but didn’t let go. Yasha’s thumb traced a scar on the back of Beau’s hand, and they fell silent, feeling the one point of heat, of contact.

They stayed like that, quiet, content, until Beau’s stomach growled loud enough for them to hear, causing a roll of laughter through them. Yasha got up, and moved towards the door, only breaking their touch when the distance between them grew too far to reach. “I’ll be right back.” Yasha promised, looking over her shoulder.

Beau gave a little nod, a smile on her lips. “I’ll be here.”

[saphirered]

I love the way you write Lucien, and was wondering, if you aren't too busy (and don't mind a second request from the same person), could I request a part two wherein the reader and Lucien make it to the bedroom (no explicit details, or anything) when he and the Tomb Takes are invited into Widogast Tower?

Thank you! Lucien's such an interesting character to write. So much is revealed about his character by paying attention to the details. I tried to play into those things so I hope you like the way this turned out! 😘

Caleb goes through his usual ritual of summoning the tower. The Tombtakers wait watching him closely but one in particular keeps a very close eye on him; Lucien. He’s still very much uneasy around spellcasters of this caliber and with what the wizard had already displayed he knew better than to underestimate your little group. You’re a danger and have already proven you could be much more than a hurdle in his way. He’s looking forward to the challenge.

But there your stand bouncing on your feet stretching and curling your fingers to preserve any warmth now you’ve stopped moving, patiently awaiting the familiar door to appear. Lucien finds himself at your side just slightly behind you. You don’t have to look over your shoulder to know it’s him. He already radiates enough of a presence you’re constantly aware of where he places himself.

“If you’re still cold, love, how about we test those perks of the infernal bloodline?” The whisper is barely loud enough to hear so you’re confident the others hadn’t heard the words but the little too short distance between the two of you is compromising enough should anyone turn around and see.

“Depends. Are you offering?” You keep your eyes on the mid-spell wizard. There’s no change in your voice. Just neutrality and indifference to the offer made. You know better than give Lucien the pleasure of any kind of response your friends might catch onto just to get a rise out of them. He’s a selfish man and loves causing conflict but he won’t tear you away from your friends even if that means he’ll have to dispose of you and your Mighty Nein at the end of the road. His goals come before everything and everyone no matter how much he might prefer to keep you around. He knows better than to attempt to keep around someone who will grow to have a vendetta against him after his task is completed no matter what he offers you. He knows where your loyalties lie and there’s nothing he can do about that but hope maybe your interests in him change into an emotional attachment enough to take you off the playing field all together. Slim chances but never impossible.

“Funny.” Lucien offers a brief chuckle as the iridescent doorway appears. Caleb turns around allowing everyone to enter. His eyes fall on you just as Lucien leans in a little closer to your ear.

“Perhaps I am.” He pulls away and steps past you usual smirk on his face as he approaches the wizard. While Caleb keeps his opinions to himself you’re aware despite your explanation of the actions Fjord witnessed you have more explaining to do.

A brief tour later and sleeping arrangements for the Tombtakers set up, you’re pulled aside by Fjord at the dinner table. You knew this moment was coming and under the cover of Jester and Veth keeping the Tombtakers busy and Beau annoying Lucien to death you have a chance at a private conversation among company. You’re aware that the moment you set out for a side bar Lucien will notice and spy on your conversation. He’s not stupid enough to know such action is rooted in potential conflict be that between you and your friends or your group and his and he’s not about to be blindsided.

Fjord offers the seat next to him between himself and Caleb who’s already dug into his dinner. Thank the gods Fjord does because at least that lowers any suspicion. With a smile you accept and sit down between the half orc and wizard, filling a plate of your own. You notice Lucien glance over to you before Beau compels him to return his attention to her. Okay now it’s clear the others are in on this game. Good to know the Mighty Nein hasn’t lost their touch. You’re all going to need it and you feel as if it’s going to be sooner rather than later.

You begin with small talk but thread off into a conversation steered by hints, dancing with words to get across what you’ve been able to gleam from Lucien in your most recent interactions. You’re fully aware Lucien is using your interactions for the same purposes so you feel it’s only fair. He can’t deny the fact that’s exactly what he’s been doing regardless of the fact that you both enjoy your interactions and engaging exactly in what your mutual attraction persuades you to do.

Fjord chokes on the waffle he was eating when you let it slip what Lucien had offered you while Caleb summoned the tower earlier. Things clear up for Caleb and he’s clever enough to know your pleasantries with Fjord are more than just that. He gets what you’re really talking about. It’s good to know he doesn’t have to mistrust your loyalties entirely but he worries still. He knows what people like Lucien are capable of and he knows what it takes to be a spy, but the question is; do you really have the guts to do what’s necessary at the end of the day? He hopes still and he’ll trust the advantages and insights you’ve been providing over the lack of clarity and selective honesty Lucien himself has provided.

“I’m sorry. He said what?” Fjord coughs as you pat his back and offer him his cup, playing it off your friend simply took a wrong bite like the tentative soul you are.

“Do you really need me to repeat that?” You glare at the half orc. He does not need you to repeat those words. You know how flustered Fjord gets at the mentions of intimacy and you can’t really afford going into details right now or he might expose your little sidebar.

“Are you going to accept?” Caleb asks. He doesn’t make eye contact and stays focussed on his food keeping up the illusion he’s not part of this and has been distancing himself ever since he caught onto Lucien’s advances earlier.

“Do you need the distraction?” You’d already made up your mind and you’re going to take it but that doesn’t mean no one else can benefit from the distracted Nonagon. Caleb knows how to play this game so you’ll take his opinions over those of the others.

“If you think you can handle it.” Caleb knows some people would be fine with sleeping with someone for the benefits it achieves but in the majority of those cases the feelings are one-sided or nonexistent. He knows well enough your previous flirtations indicate feelings are very much involved on both sides and that might just not bode well for anyone if you slip up. If Lucien slips up, there’s plenty of advantages of be gained.

“I guess I know what I’ll be doing after dinner. Don’t waste this opportunity.” You say intensely putting a look of anger and annoyance on your face as you get up from your seat pushing Caleb’s shoulder as you do so. Caleb sends you a similar expression, grasps your arm but you pull it free and leave. Game on. You planted the seeds of doubt, clear for the Tombtakers to see. Best to pretend there’s some infighting and solidify your own position.

“Beau, could you do me a favour and convince Caleb my life’s choices are none of his business. You seem to have much better luck getting anything through that thick skull of his.” You smile exasperated and Beau gives you a confused look as you move your eyes in the direction of the wizard. Beau takes the hint and with one last witty remark she leaves you with Lucien.

“Everything alright, love?” Lucien leans back in his chair studying your every move corner of his lips turned up as he watches the latest bane of his existence settle with the wizard. Oh, how he’ll love to just squeeze the life out of that one. She’s too much to bear in his opinion and he doesn’t know how you put up with the monk.

“Don’t start.” You warn. Lucien lifts his hands in surrender not pushing the subject further. Any elaboration in your end would be directly deceptive right now and you do not feel confident enough in your skill to pull that off.

“You look like you could use a break, or a distraction. Why don’t you show me around?” Not needing to be told twice you take Lucien’s hand. You will yourself to float up and the tiefling follows after speaking the word. While he’s paying attention to your destination you quickly look down over your shoulder. Caleb offers you a single curt nod. You don’t return it but he knows message received as they finish up dinner.

“So where to first?” Lucien asks once the iris beneath you closes cutting off visual on the others beneath.

“Well, since you’ve already seen the floors below and where you and your companions will be staying I would offer to show you the laboratory and study, though, I doubt you’d be interested.” You don’t look at him as you glance up hoping Caleb would have changed your room enough to a nondescript one because with Lucien you don’t know what tiny detail might give him leverage you wouldn’t want him to have.

“And here I thought you’d offered to open up your bed to me.” Lucien jokes. You step up close and put your finger right under his chin.

“I offered to fuck you. I didn’t offer to share my sleeping arrangements for anything other than that. That you’ll have to earn, love.” You take a step back dropping your finger and begin floating up once more.

“Is that the game we’re playing? If so, challenge accepted.” Lucien gives you one of his devilish grins and floats after you until the two of you reach the right floor. You don’t make a grand ceremony about showing him around but instead enter your chambers. You’re very glad to see a very nondescript furnishing, a stained glass display that only shows you and the Nein and your connection to Mollymauk in more detail. Nothing Lucien could read anything off himself outside of things he already knew.

“Oh, I thought you said you were done playing games?” You tilt your head innocently as he enters the room, the door closing behind him. You lean against the back of the couch behind you crossing your arms waiting, watching every move just as he is. You because you’re trying to read whatever you can from him. He because he has half the mind to expect this to be some sort of trap but that won’t prevent him from engaging in whatever happens next.

“New game. New challenges. New rules.” He steps close. Some might expect Lucien to act in a predator and prey-like manner but no. You got clear insights he’s much more akin to an insatiable curiosity and playfulness, never satisfied, not even if he’d own the world. It will never be enough. It shows you the risks of the game more so than before. One wrong move and you’re gonna get burned. Then again, you know the feeling. The only difference here is you know satisfaction well enough you won’t let it be your own undoing nor will you ever let pride get in your way and Lucien’s ego and overconfidence certainly is his.

Fingers curl up the side of your neck until they find the back of your neck. Unaffected you keep your eyes locked on the bright red ones right in front of you. You feel another arm wrap around your waist, sliding down around your back and over to your behind. In a swift motion you’re lifted until you’re sitting on the back of the couch. Lucien steps in between your legs. Still you remain unfazed.

“Is that all you got? I expected more from you.” You tease. You know how to push these buttons. Moving your hair out of the way he softly begins trailing kisses up and down your neck, leaving little bites here and there. There’s a gentleness you didn’t expect him to be capable of.

“Challenge accepted.” Lucien’s lips find yours and you’re pulled into a deep kiss feeling wandering hands caress your body as they go. That’s more like it.

————

“Perhaps we should do this more often.” Lucien lays sprawled out on your bed one arm behind his head staring at you as you put on a shirt, making no effort to remove himself from your bedroom just yet. What can he say, the place and company are much preferred to that of any other travel company currently available.

“Told you getting it out of your system wouldn’t fix a damn thing.” An hand grasps your shoulder and pulls you back onto the bed. Lack of surprise and neutrality has been a good tool in persuading Lucien to respond to anything so you’ll keep it going.

“It provided clarity. But just because I like to see that smile of yours, I won’t deny I could get used to this.” Your legs on either side of him, Lucien plays with your fingers. It does make you smile and he seems very satisfied with himself. Letting go of one hand he brushes his fingers up your hip and underneath the shirt you just put on.

“Careful. Is that affection I hear speaking? What will your Eyes of Nine think?” You gasp grazing your nails over the one on his chest.

“For now? They can go fuck themselves. Let them wait a little longer.” Satisfied with the answer you lean in and kiss Lucien. You just hope the Nein’s using this time wisely.

“Let your overlords wait while you fuck me? How appropriate.” You joke between kisses.

“Good thing they need me more than I need them.”

“And yet you run after their every whim. I don’t know if that makes you the dog or them since you seem to be the hand that feeds them.” There comes the ego again. The nefarious smirk is enough to tell you you’re right. He’s playing much bigger of a game he’s letting on, to anyone and he’s holding all the cards in his hands. The realisation hits that Lucien is not the pawn in the game the Eyes of Nine are playing, no he’s the one playing them. The others need more time and you need to buy it for them now more than ever. Though, that doesn’t mean you’re not enjoying any of it. You’d have done so regardless. Perhaps it just makes you feel more justified in sleeping with the literal enemy you see Lucien become in the future.

“Those sound like fighting words, love. You might want to watch your tongue.” You lean in close but just far away enough to prevent your lips from touching.

“What are you going to do about it?” With that you’re flipped over onto your back. Satisfied with your action and Lucien’s response you close the distance wrapping your legs around him. Time for round two.