#pedalstool

[ibringthepoptothecinema]

My dnp unpopular opinion:

I think they are together but the more I think about it the more I think I don't want to know. Because once you know you can't unknow and it feels like a huge burden. Mainly because I don't think things will be the way people want them to be and that will cause a lot of pressure and disappointment

Their relationship has been put on a weird pedalstool by so many people without taking into account that there are so many different ways to have a relationship and not only is nothing perfect but everyones needs are different. If their relationship isn't as everyone thinks that will have too many consequences.

I'm certain they've thought about this themselves for a very long time and we really dont know if theyll ever say anything despite what people believe, but I want to close my eyes and not see.

There’s so many expectations for them, I agree.

People, including myself I’ll admit, have hyped their relationship up so much, anything would be hard to top. If that makes sense.

I think they are in the most comfortable position they have ever been in right now though, online I mean. And good for them.

I’m not sure if the consequences from fans would be negative. I really hope not. But there’s always a chance. And that chance would definitely put strain on even the most healthy relationships not in some form of the public eye.

This is a super interesting anon, thanks!

[feralbeeast]

It's crazy you're not tumblr famous by now.. you're so fucking perfect everyone should be worshipping you 🖤put on a pedalstool and adored like the pretty little pet you are

🥰😵‍💫💖 well Fuck anon way to turn me on 💕

I wish, but unfortunately I think only you feel this way.. if anyone agrees tho, dms are always open and interactions are incouraged

🖤 don't be shy spam me while I get high 😶‍🌫️

[mekoselina69]

Women like this should be put up on a pedalstool. She's got to be close to or over 50 and still looks stunning. Sex all night long . What a gem she is. Those of you who have been married a long time and their wives don't take care of themselves like they use to know exactly what I'm talking about. This woman is worth her weight in gold. ITALIANCRUSH is what she goes by.

[balkanradfem]

Curious on what your opinion is on the mental health field in regards to psychotherapy?

I feel like there’s a lot of misogyny in the sense that most women seek help because the trauma they are dealing with is male violence/sexual assault, resulting in all of this mental health disturbances which are then labeled as “disorders” to bill insurances, and then push medication on women; women are pathologized as paranoid and crazy, and I know it’s not just me, but it seems like a lot of therapists put romantic love on a pedalstool and don’t actually know how yo help women learn to self regulate and become self sufficient, but instead will label women and invalidate women’s fears about men and male violence. I feel like therapy is very often the “not all men” space, which alarms me because it’s another form of gaslighting but from the mental health space. Women are just “paranoid” and should repress and deny their feelings via meds and learn to communicate better so they can “partner up” and basically meet the status quo of normalcy by being dissociated (repressed and faux “happiness” from their pills,) and partnered up with men.

I feel like I’ve learned more in radical feminist spaces about psychology (discussing patterns in male behavior,) than from actual therapy spaces… why is the way men relate to women Aka social psychology and a huge contributing factor to women’s depression and anxiety, so often denied in the mental health field? The denial of male violence extends to mental health professionals, and that’s been my number 1 resentment in life when I sought helping organizations to escape paternal violence, having my abuse denied and invalidated, and sneered at and asked why I was still single; the message is so clear to women; you’re not traumatized, there’s something wrong with you.

Men are crickets in this regard, I have never had a male mental health worker or social worker deny male violence, because they seem 100% aware that’s what leads women into psych centers, but they don’t feel comfortable discussing it. Everyone knows misogyny is bad for mental health, so why is there not more feminist psychotherapy?

You've done way more thinking on this than I did! I can't answer your questions because I don't know that much about it. My thoughts went as far as therapy=bad, separatism=good.

[missshoppingbagslove]

Revision 🪄🔮✨

So I finally tried out the revision technique and got some new perspective in where the original ‘friendship’ worries comes from. A recent trigger came up and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to explore !

When I was 11 ( so a veryyyy long time ago ) I made friends with 3 girls they were definitely on my pedal stool. One Monday morning I went to school and 2/3 of them decided they didn’t want to be friends, talk to me, or like me anymore. I was devastated, confused, scared, worried & turned on myself. The ‘reason’ they gave was pathetic too. It made my schooling experience so difficult & sad because I tried to convince them. I was left with the feeling of ‘what have I done’ ‘what is wrong with me’. Never what is wrong with them and why were they such assholes at 11 years of age 😂.

They were ‘popular’ in school too so this made me nervous. Nervous to not be in their good books. I’ve seen this theme especially in my adult life of friendships ending & worrying about the repercussions & how people will view me when I’ve had friendship endings. I’ve successfully broken the pattern.

I basically revised this situation and I imagined telling my mother what happened and her consoling me & boosting my self esteem. I revised her telling me ‘ the reasons they gave you were bullshit, they have no reason other than they don’t like themselves’. I also revised her telling me that ‘ sometimes when we’re scared, feel rejected, worry’ this limits our capacity to actually healthily question / challenge somethings validity. It made me really see those girls were just idiots and did not deserve to be on my pedal stool. I also envisioned my mother telling me ‘ A lovely and extraordinary girl like you won’t have problems making new AND better friends’. The knowing that there was nothing I could ever do at 11 that would even remotely warrant mistreatment - because that is what it was. Is reassuring ! As a matter of fact there’s nothing that I’ll ever do that’ll ever warrant mistreatment. I am worthy and deserving of safety, respect and wonderful relationships. This has been the key. I am very much working on building myself !

I woke up feeling soooo peaceful and will CONTINUE to revise this and work on my self concept. I’m so proud of myself and how much I’ve been working on my self concept that this is huge progress. I plan on listening to Neville lectures this morning, taking my vitamins, having breakfast & continuing to remain on MY pedalstool.

All of this self concept work is bringing up things I had forgotten about. This year has been mega for me in sooooo many ways in my own personal development. In almost 2 months self concept has really turned things around for me and I for one am very happy.

[mysharona1987]

TFATWS SPOILERS:

I get the sense both Bucky and Sam are going to eventually they realize they can't keep hero worshipping Steve. They have to be themselves.

Like in FFH when Happy points outs to Peter that Tony was a fuck up and far from perfect.

Putting someone on too high a pedalstool is quite dangerous.

[morendodifame]

adam nodded, " things just got a little -- stale, I guess, " he murmured, tilting his head to the side and chuckling at dakota's comment, " you're not wrong about that. " he became momentarily distracted by the final hale sibling disappearing into the kitchen. he frowned, " that's probably not good, right? "

joshua opened his mouth to respond before isaac slipped away. he frowned, glancing towards his father and tilting his head in question. " uh.. " he responded, " should we be here still? "

jake frowned, " that's the only reason I came, " he grunted, his lips twitching after a moment before he looked back at riley. " well, if isaac is going through emotional turmoil, maybe we can grab dinner, sound good? "

matteo was surprised to hear those words from his father. he'd never really picked a side when it came to his parents break up. he didn't think it was any of his business, but he understood how his younger siblings struggled slightly when it came to their parents divorce. he knew the pedalstool that kieran and isaac put their father on, this couldn't have been easy to hear.

gabe's expression softened at kieran's words, she'd never spoken to him that way. in fact, he was sure none of his kids had ever looked at him the way they were right now. he dropped his head, " kie, I-- " he tried, but he didn't really have an excuse.

marisa's brows knit together at kieran's laugh, and while she had maybe felt the same way about gabriel, she also didn't raise her kids that way. " kieran! do not speak to your father that way. " she wiped her hands down her face, " look, this isn't the time, and it's also-- irrelevant, okay? but I think everybody should just go home. "

" little blip ? " dakota questioned but she didn't expect adam to do a deep dive , especially here . " you know , sometimes just fucking is all you really need to make things relaxed again . " her lips tipped up in amusement but she was being serious about it . it didn't fix everything but it did some things . dakota chuckled , " i mean , yeah . i know the honeymoon phase can't last forever but i'm enjoying it . "

isaac's attention had been on joshua and probably would have stayed there if he hadn't notice matteo moving in the direction of the kitchen . " if you wanna fuck all you have to do is ask , " isaac eventually spoke , lips tipping up as he looked back at joshua . " give me a minute . " he eventually slipped away , opting to walk toward the kitchen managing to pick up on the last thing that was said .

riley's gaze lifted , glancing at joshua with furrowed brows before looking back at jake . " something tells me we aren't getting food tonight . "

kieran almost chuckled but there wasn't any amusement to the sound . " not like you were going to say anything . either of you . " she glanced between her parents before her eyes settled on her father , " the only asshole i see is you . " kieran had never challenged her father . she had never said a negative thing about him or to him until now .

[trashlord-007]

same anon from earlier about woojin. It will be the last message i send because i don't want it to seem like im lowkey harrasing you even tho my messages come from a place of even though we having different opinions it doesn't warrant me to be a bitch to you. I respect you have a different opinion, I thank you for your answer too. I do understand where you're coming from even if I don't agree.

I'd like to say I don't hate woojin, I feel like hate is a strong word for my situation? thoughts? feelings? (idk) towards him, especially because I don't tend to form parasocial relationships with idols. (not that I'm saying you do but I hope you understand how i mean it) I'm not absolutely devestated if they do something wrong because i don't have them on a pedalstool. So I'd say maybe dislike him?

I think he's old enough to be serious in the face of rape allegations true or false ones and any idiot knows to not try an switch the topic to gloss over it and not properly adresses them. Personally this applies to anyone that does this but I would never like nor trust anyone that can't be serious in the face of rape allegations. I don't think there is no excuse for it. Imagine going through all that pain (not the person that accused him but people that have been raped.) and then you see someone who's being accused of it and they have the audacity to not realise how serious it is and try an promote themselves. Imagine if an average person did that they'd be considered scum of the earth.

Ultimately though, despite our different opinions, I know you said we can unfollow you but if it's okay with you I'd like to keep following because I like your content and you seem like a lovely person. But if you aren't comfortable your self I will unfollow you and I will respect that you aren't comfortable with me following you.

I hope you have a good day.

Hello again!

I don't consider you to be harassing me at all! You're very nice and respectful. I doubt anyone would consider your messages to be hateful or flaming. I understand if you don't wish to message again though :) and I appreciate that you've messaged as much as you have! It's nice to see a different side / opinion.

You have a very healthy mindset and I applaud that. I wish more people knew how to separate themselves from their idols. It isn't good to latch onto them and their personal lives.

Yes, I agree. He is old enough. But age and maturity are different. I hope this experience helps to mature him so he doesn't take light of such accusations again.

It's not just idols who do this but companies as a whole. They'll apologise, deny, then release something to distract. Woojin has zero PR skills so he really should have someone else there to help him.

You're very right! I hadn't thought of people who had experienced that pain before :( it would have been very rough on them. My mindset is usually on the people directly involved. When the accuser turned out to be lying, Woojin then became a victim (of slander/libel, cyberbullying, death threats + harrassment) in my opinion. But you are very right. Nothing is black and white, and there are more people who were potentially hurt by his handling of the situation. My heart goes out to them all.

I absolutely don't mind if you keep following! You also seem lovely and level-headed, and I appreciate you expressing your opinions with me!! It's nice to hear the other side :) and you've helped me to realise why some people continue to not support him.

The only reason I said to unfollow me is because I don't want to upset anyone with my viewpoint. I tag any posts with Woojin as Woojin so feel free to filter him if you haven't already!

Thanks again and I hope you also have a great day, lovely! ♡

[bywhatilove]

The Friend Trap: Starring K.T and Eddie.

Hey everyone! Here’s part two to my fanfic: https://bywhatilove.tumblr.com/post/612801624347410432/the-friend-trap-starring-kt-and-eddie

I would recommend reading that part first so you aren’t confused!

It had been a week since Eddie had talked to K.T on the phone- a week since he had (involuntarily, mind you) been roped into her master plan to get Fabian and Nina to reconnect.

Yes! That was it!

That was his excuse when this all went awry and Fabian and Nina were pissed off at him. When Fabian yelled at him for betraying their “bromance” or whatever and Nina threatened to use her creepy chosen one connections with the Egyptian gods on him, that would be his excuse. This had all been K.T’s idea and she had roped him into it. He was dragged into it by his teeth and nails and forced to help her put this all together. It wasn’t a lie- not really anyway. It had all been K.T’s idea. But, if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t totally against it. She was right, after all. Fabian and Nina were such close friends and had been through hell and back together. They deserved a better ending than a letter that Eddie had almost lost. It had been a week, and he still hadn’t even asked Fabian to go to New York with him.

Come on, Sweet, he thought to himself. You’re the Osrian, the protector of the chosen one. You’ve protected the world from ancient Egyptian gods. You can ask your best friend to go on a trip with you.

He walked into his and Fabian’s living room in their shared apartment. It had been a week since their university had breaked for summer and typical Fabian still had his head buried deep into a book. Sometimes, Eddie had wondered how in the world he had become best friends with such a dork. When he wondered that though, he always remembered it was world threatening Egyptian curses that had bonded them for life. And he also remembered that he was glad Fabian had been their with him through it all. As far as right hand mans went, he was a pretty darn good one. Eddie sat down on a chair across from Eddie. He lazily propped his head up on his hand before flashing Fabian his signature smirk.

Fabian smacked his book closed. “What do you want, Eddie?”

Eddie gasped, pretending to be fake wounded. As he placed his hand on his chest he asked, “Why do I always have to want something?”

“Because you’re Eddie,” Fabian said like it was the most obvious in the world.

“Well, just the one time,” Eddie lifted his pointer finger in the air, “you’re correct, Rutter. I was wondering, why don’t you come with me to see K.T in the states next week?”

Fabian stared at the boy and blinked a couple times. “You want me...to come to the states to see K.T....next week?”

He shook his head and lifted up his book to begin reading again. “I don’t think so bud.”

Well, this was already off to a very rocky start. Eddie knew Fabian may have some reservations about going to the U.S in a couple days. They were a couple of broke college students after all. But to dismiss the idea right away? Eddie certainly hadn’t planned on that, but who was Eddie Miller to back away from a fight.

“Ughh...” Eddie groaned. “Come on, Rutter! Don’t you want to see K.T again? Plus, you haven’t been to the states before, right? I think that it’s time I properly Americanize you.”

Eddie knew from the moment the sentence slipped off of his tongue that he had messed up. Of course Fabian hadn’t been to America. If you asked him, that was one of the reasons Nina broke up with him. He was wrong though, of course. So wrong.

“Look, man, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking about...”

Fabian had a far off look in his eyes, like he was trying to conjur up some old memory. “She said that once. That she had Americanized us all already. That was when she was the only American at Anubis.”

He cast his eyes towards his shoes as a sad smile crept over his face. Times like this was when Eddie was perfectly okay with going along with K.T’s master plan. Because if that had been Patricia that had practically disappeared with only a letter left behind, he would want someone to do whatever they could to help him find her again.

“I know it’s pathetic that I still talk or even think about her.” Fabian’s voice was cold and self-deprecating. Even after two years of last seeing her, he still held her up on such a high pedalstool. But it wasn’t like Fabian was just waiting around for Nina to come running through the door and say she was sorry, he had moved on to other girls. First there was Mara, but that relationship had only lasted about a couple months when both of them realized that being lonely and knowing the digits of pie were no grounds for a relationship. There had even been a couple girls at university.

Eddie shook his head. “You’re not pathetic, Fabian. Above anything else, Nina was you’re best friend. You’re allowed to miss her.”

Eddie needed to convince Fabian to come to New York with him. What had just happened was even more proof that he needed to try and do something. Even if this blew up in his and K.T’s face, at least they had tried to help.

“Can you please come to New York with me?” Eddie wasn’t above pleading at this point, if it got the job done. “I know for a fact that K.T wants to see you again. And I can finally introduce you to the world of New York bagels and pizza- aka every man and woman’s biggest dream. Please?”

Eddie knew he was pushing this a little too hard. He knew he sounded a little pathetic, begging like this. But it had to be done. He had to get Fabian on that plane, even if it meant dragging him against his will. Eddie was stronger than Fabian. He could take him.

Fabian played with the pages in his book. He would glance up at Eddie and then glance down at his books. Again and again. Until finally, he shrugged. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go to the states with you.”

Eddie sprung up from his chair and playfully punched Fabian on his shoulder.

“You’re going to love it, Rutter!” Eddie called as he walked down his hall to his room. But as soon as he was in his room and closed the door, he leaned against the wall and let out a deep breath. There was a very good chance this entire plan could end with Fabian and Nina pissed off at Eddie.

He pulled out his phone and texted K.T: Fabian is coming. Your turn.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

K.T looked at that text Eddie had sent her last week.

Fabian is coming. Your turn.

What the hell did that mean? Okay, sure this was all her idea. But they were in this together, Eddie wasn’t turning his back on her now. If this went awry, then it was both their faults. As Nina walked up with both their coffees, K.T quickly hid her phone.

“One iced latte with cream and sugar and carmel drizzle.” Nina placed K.T’s coffee down in front of her. “I don’t know how you drink it with so much sugar. Seriously, K.T, that’s all sugar with very little coffee.”

K.T rolled her eyes. This was a conversation they have had for a year now, since they first met, really. It had been such a surprise and a weird twist of fate for the Nina Martin to be her roommate at NYU. But, at this point, K.T had learned to stop questioning the universe and go along with it. If the universe wanted Nina to be her roommate, then she was not going to argue.

“Whatever, Miss. pure black coffee,” K.T teased back.

“Don’t be jealous you don’t have this amount of power,” Nina rolled her eyes playfully.

Both the girls broke out in a fit of laughter before K.T spoke. “So, I actually have some friends visiting tomorrow.”

Nina took a sip of her coffee before answering. She rose her eyebrows up in questioning. “Oh really, do I know them?”

What K.T wanted to say was this: Oh yeah, that’s a funny story actually! So you know how you’ve told me that you attended some boarding school in England for two years but couldn’t go back because of your sick gran? Well....that year that you didn’t go back, I actually went. I know all about sibuna and that you’re the chosen one and all that. And the two friends coming to visit? Yeah, one of them is your osirian and I’m pretty sure the other is like the love of your life or something.

What K.T actually said: “No, you haven’t meet them yet. They are some friends from high school.”

K.T hated lying to Nina about just how intertwined their pasts were. She absolutely hated it. She wanted nothing more than to tell Nina about the real reasons why she couldn’t sleep some nights. And that no matter how Nina tried to lie and say that her own nightmares were from scary movies, K.T knew what they were really about. She wanted to talk about how going to Anubis house was completely terrifying but also the best decision she ever made because it gave her a found family. A found family that Nina was technically apart of.

“That’s cool! What are their name’s?” Nina asked, always one to be curious.

Uh oh. K.T hadn’t thought this much into the lie. Her mind races trying to come up with the first two names that popped up into her head. Two very stupid names that K.T mental slapped herself for immediately.

“Edison and Fabo,” K.T answered earnestly.

Nina tried to hide her amusement but ultimately failed. She hid her laughter behind her hand, trying desperately not to be rude to K.T about her friends.

It took everything K.T had not to join her in laughing about her imaginary friend’s fake names. “Yeah, they hate their names too...” she was able to mutter under her breath.

“No, no, it’s not even that their names are that.” Nina shook her head. “It’s just...well remember my friends Eddie and Fabian from boarding school? I’ve told you about them? It’s just funny that their names are so similar.”

K.T held her tongue and nodded in agreement. Of all the names? And she picked those? How stupid can you be, K.T?

If only you knew, Nina, she thought to herself.

“Well, thanks for the brief coffee date, but I’ve got to go. Hair appointment,” Nina waved her hand around her head. “See you at the apartment tonight?”

“Yeah, of course!” K.T replied with all the enthusiasm she could muster, but her mind was far away. She watched as Nina gatherd her things and left. It wasn’t until Nina was completely out of eye sight that K.T allowed herself to unravel. She took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair. Placing her forehead in the palms of her hands, she shook her head. This was a bad idea. A bad, bad idea. Nina was going to be so mad at K.T for keeping all this from her. Their entire friendship was a lie practically, and that was all about to come crashing down tomorrow.

K.T pulled her phone out and texted Eddie: I’m starting to regret this entire thing.

It was only a minute later that she received a text back: Too late for that now Rush. It’s show time tomorrow! ;)

K.T shook her head. She was screwed. So screwed.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

To be honest, I find it toxic. I mean this by following what some anons have pointed out about how we put certain people on pedalstools. Like I’m admitting that I have been revolving my days around things that are not important, stuff that consume my mind and life to the point where when you get back to reality, that person, place or thing is not what you thought. This whole Seb thing puts it into perspective

Yeah, it really does put things into perspective. And while it sucks that Seb is being hypocritical, I think this is a good time for people to open their eyes and really see that our fave celebs aren’t who they appear to be.

[hikarufunyu]

この動画の一番の見せ所はペダルストールが初めて駒沢で出来たって事 ありがとうー！シャッチー！ 📹　@fuckshutchick #bmx #japanbmx #bgmbmx #kzl #pedalstool #barspin #tireslide #bunnyhop180 #komazawa #japan #Repost @fuckshutchick (@get_repost) ・・・ @hikarufunyu his new @styley_cyrus frame. #fuckshutchick #fsc #サラリーマン #会社の奴隷 #bmx #bmxstreet #bmxjapan #Tシャツ #ストリート #ストリートファッション #キャップ #ローキャップ #5パネルキャップ #プチプラファッション #flourishbmx #rodiconnect (Komazawa Olympic Park Stadium) https://www.instagram.com/p/By37dF_FuVT/?igshid=1pk3egllpokug

[sylphs-talks]

About: Marina

Name: 

Nickname: Marina

Age: As old as the Earth itself

Height: 5′8″ / 172 cm

Gender: Complicated. She has taken the form of a female and as such uses female pronouns, but in her true form she is actually agender.

Romantic Orientation: Aro

Sexuality: Pan

Epithet: Ocean Queen

Bounty: 3 billion beri (she’s a literal god, don’t question it.)

Devil Fruit: [[Haha, yeah don’t even MENTION those words to her, she’ll go ballistic.]]

Affiliations: None. 

Description: In her human form she has hair shaped like seaweed and a colour akin to it, eyes the colour of the ocean. She has a serpent tail, a reference to what her true form looks like. Her ears have several points to them, and she has a snaggletooth.

Personality: Being a god, she has propped herself on a pedalstool. She sees herself as higher than everyone else, sometimes even other gods. She has very strong and bold opinions. She won’t hesitate to cut you down if you get in her way.

Reference:

Second one made with Charat.me. A proper reference will come sometime in the future.

[bboonni]

British Museum trip

For this week, we, as a class went to the British Museum. There I have looked at modes of displays and how they affected the way we perceive the works.

I've looked at five different modes of display.

Pedalstool (first two)

Shelved (third)

Hanging (forth)

Framed (fifth)

Vitrine (sixth)

As I looked more into depth when it came to the way each artefact was displayed differently, it also reflected on the way we should look at them and understand them. After the trip, I got inspired in the way I could display the work on the A4 paper.

And below are observational drawings I did at the museum with text from the description each artefact had.

[yunwooz]

It's really insensitive and tone deaf to use problematic and damaging behavior from someone else as a way to praise other men for meeting the bare minimum of decency. Especially when you don't actually know the idol you're putting on a pedalstool personally or what kind of behavior that can happen off camera. People being told harmful and damaging shit shouldn't be an invitation for you to praise someone else you like.

i was making a joke directed towards the people (not idols) who defend problematic and damaging behavior. didn’t say a word about the idol and if you took it as such then i’m sorry but that was not my intention or how i meant for it to come across. again, the joke was directed at fans who defend that behavior. not the idols who engage in that behavior.

[jacer101]

Once Again

I’m here again. God damn I’m tired of coming here. I don’t know, it feels like a shot to my pride. Like this is the last resort, whenever I come here I can’t help but feel like a bitch. Though I guess whether I show up here or not I’ll feel like that, so I can’t really blame this hell hole. Kendrick needs to hurry up and drop, I need a distraction desperately. I need an excuse or an escape. An outlet or something. I’m so tired of it, being treated like I don’t get it, being treated as an outlet, hell maybe just being treated in general. I don’t get why I’m not content as is. I have great friends, a good life, a promising future, yet I’m still discontent. Is it an issue with my pride? Is it an issue with deserving? I fucking hate it. I feel almost sick, and I can’t tell if it’s hunger, exhaustion, or just an overall nasty feeling. Apparently I’ve been angrier as of recently, and I wish that wasn’t the case. Hell I hate that that’s the case. Why do I feel so weak? Why do I even have to come here as an outlet? Y’know, yesterday talked to a few friends and felt like a bitch for being stuck up on a girl I didn’t even really date, but today it’s a completely different type of feeling like a bitch. Like what would it take to satisfy me. And why is it that I want things that aren’t an option for me. And the worst part is when people talk to me like I don’t know these things. Had a conversation with one of the friends earlier, and they brought up my raised hostility and asked if everything was cool. I said yeah, just dealing with what I normally am, and they went into some rant about how I should be my first priority, and if my actions are harmful to myself, regardless of if they help or satisfy another, I shouldn’t do them. And it’s aggravating because like- do you think I didn’t already know that much? I know what I do is self destructive. I know some of the people I talk to are harmful. But it’s really not that simple. I wish it were but it’s not. And even if it was do you realize how much of a step that’d be? How difficult of a step that’d be? Why can’t I cut out thoughts. Why can’t I cut out people? Why can’t I cut out feelings? All of them can go fuck themselves. There’s no “Well I don’t matter so I’ll do harmful things to benefit others” bullshit, because that wouldn’t be true. Just no type of motivation or strength to actually put myself on that pedalstool. That is definitely not how you spell it but whatever. I just don’t know man, maybe I’m getting burnt out. Maybe I’ve finally gotten into a corner and don’t like any of my options. All I know is if something doesn’t change soon I’m gonna do something stupid. What that is I’ve got no fucking clue, but I’m already below rock bottom, no matter what I do it doesn’t matter much. Shit forget rock bottom at this point I’ve started boring into the rock. Pockets full of sediment, dug up to my ankles. Doubt that made much sense, but it did in my mind, it’s just what came out when I started typing. I’d love to say I need control, but I know control is something you never get. Forget control. Forget all of that shit. At this point I don’t even give a fuck what happens. I just want this shit to stop. This unending exhaustion. This never-dying boredom. This constant sickness. Why do I feel like I could pass out at any moment. If something doesn’t happen soon I swear I’m gonna do something I regret. Nothing dangerous, but something that won’t pay off nicely.

[thenerdybonbon]

Don’t think I don’t know that there is a fine-ass line between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation. You always gotta be questioning yourself, examining your views, the way you talk about these things and the people involved, about where your opinions/views/attitudes come from and are you seeing them as people. Especially when it comes to kpop, the whole think is super rooted in selling them (that they are the product), being mindful of how you talk about them and what informs your attitudes and opinions is really important to keep from pedalstooling or fetishising. And some of that needs to be introspective, especially when your like me, who is super influenced by the things I surround myself with, I tend to adopt mannerisms or things from things I expose myself to so I gotta ask, am I doing this because I like it or am I emulating something I’ve seen, and if looked out from an outside perspective would this seem appropriative or appreciative?