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tommyhollandaisesauce · 4 years

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Let Me Do The Work TEASER [t.h.]

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ?k

Posted: 11/16/2020

Warning(s): Fluff, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it up kids), oral sex (f receiving), maybe too much plot? and definitely a whole lotta lazy sex sue me.

Summary: Tom thinks you deserve a reward after a hard few days at work.

A/N: First smut in the bag lets go. Also, the point of view makes no sense but continuity is not in my vocabulary so. Anyway, the full part is almost finished so lmk how you guys like this!

When Tom got home on Wednesday night the last thing he expected his girlfriend to say was “Wanna have sex?” He had asked a few times before if you could and your response was usually something to the effect of “Sorry babe, another time, I’m just exhausted.” He knew your job was taxing and took a lot out of you and, frankly, Tom could survive the work week without getting any. He also knew that once Friday night rolled around it was all systems go; the weekend was yours to fool around as much as you wanted. And he was willing to wait.

Asking never hurt, though. Tom wasn’t annoying about it, at least he hoped he wasn’t. And for all the times you’d asked to have sex after he had a particularly exhausting day on set and he agreed, he didn’t feel super guilty about asking now and then.

It was unusual that Tom would be so exhausted from working that he didn't have any energy left to have sex. There had been some rare days when Tom could barely keep his eyes open even though you were right there, naked and sweaty, and riding his cock right on the living room couch. Your hands would be resting on his broad shoulders, your fingers digging into the muscles beneath his freckled skin as you bounced on his cock and his hands could barely stay put on your waist or hips to help you move. Sure, he liked watching you rise and fall on his lap and he liked seeing himself disappear inside of you and he liked the way your tits bounced with every movement and he liked watching your face. God, he loved your gorgeous face.

Your eyes would flutter open and closed the closer you got and you’d look at him with your big, beautiful eyes that were dark and lust blown and your jaw would go slack and you’d throw your head back in pleasure. Your movements would get sloppier as you’d start shaking and convulsing while you came. His arms would lazily wrap around your waist to pull you closer and you’d nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, breathing hard against his skin as you came down from your high. But Tom couldn’t find it in himself to even worry about his own orgasm, he just wanted to sleep.

So when he came home to your shared flat around 7 pm from walking Tessa on a particularly boring Wednesday, now that he had a break, and saw you lying on the couch with a glass of red wine in one hand and your other arm thrown over your eyes, he figured it was pointless to ask. You had gotten home sometime while he was out, didn’t bother changing out of your blouse and jeans just yet, popped a bottle open, and poured yourself a glass.

Tom unclipped the leash from Tessa’s collar, allowing her to run free around the flat. Immediately, she trotted over to you, nuzzling your legs with her nose until you caved and gave her a few scratches behind her ears. Tom slipped off his sneakers, padding over to you, causing Tessa to run off in search of her favorite toy. The couch sank under his weight as he sat down next to your head, your eyebrows raised at the shift.

“Hey, stranger,” you muttered, removing your arm from covering your half-lidded eyes. Your eyes sparkled in the dim living room lighting as you looked up at Tom. He couldn’t remember a single time they looked dull. Not during a fight, or when you were sad or tired or sick, never. They reminded him of stars. No matter what, they kept shining.

“Hi love,” Tom leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your wine-stained lips. The upside-down angle was slightly awkward, but you’d be lying if you said you two hadn’t done the Spider-Man Kiss before, per his request.

You smiled up at him as he pulled away and closed your eyes. Tom threaded his fingers through your messy locks and you relaxed, even more, leaning your head into his hand.

“Long day?” He asked, continuing to run his fingers through your hair.

“Don’t even get me started,” you huffed out, dramatically throwing your arm back over your eyes, which made Tom chuckle at your antics.

“Tell me what happened?” He asked, and as you lowered your arm, you raised a single eyebrow at him.

“You sure?” You asked cautiously, “Because I wouldn’t wish the shit I dealt with today on my worst enemy.”

Tom scoffed, shrugging his shoulders, “Try me.”

You sighed before beginning your story. Today had been insufferable. From the minute you clocked in, to the minute you clocked out, it had been hell. One coworker in particular, with whom you were not super close or friends with in any way, kept nagging you about your relationship like she did every single day.

The incessant questioning and probing was getting old and, quite frankly, rude. The questions started out harmless, like everyone else’s when they found out the Tom Holland was your boyfriend. Some asked for autographs or pictures and you declined, saying that if he ever came in Tom would be more than happy to do that. And Tom agreed; you playing messenger was weird and not the type of thing either of you wanted people to get accustomed to. And most people understood; except for one.

The more she asked the worse they got. Personal questions were the norm now. Questions about family members and life together and sex. God, the sex questions never ended. ‘Is it good?’ and ‘What are you guys into?’ were some of her favorites. Sometimes she’d get creative with them and switch them up. And every time, you refused to answer. And you relayed this information to Tom like you did most days, and he rolled his eyes in annoyance at her ignorance before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead when he saw you were getting riled up.

You softened immediately and sighed. Tom had a calming effect on you. Just being around him was relaxing. After so long together he still could calm you down. And he was cheaper than your copay for therapy, so hey why not vent to him?

“Just forget about her for now, babe,” Tom sighed out, continuing to stroke your hair, “she’s not worth your energy.”

“You're right,” you said quietly, “I’m home, I got my wine, I got my boy, I can relax.”

“Exactly,” Tom said, laughing at your words. He didn’t feel the need to say anything else as you both relaxed, his fingers still threaded in your hair, until a few more minutes went by, your eyes opened, and you turned your head to make sure you were setting down your not yet empty glass on the coffee table.

A soft “hey” escaped Tom’s lips as he watched you use your arms to lean up and turn to face him. He would’ve spoken more but was cut off as your lips pressed to his, the kiss awkward since you had caught him as he was speaking. His lips were slightly chapped and he tasted like spearmint gum as you hovered over him and moved your lips against his.

Tom sighed into the kiss, bringing one hand up to cup your cheek. You clumsily clambered into Tom’s sweatpants clad lap to straddle him and his other hand sat high on your thigh. The kiss was slow and passionate, neither of you in a rush to go further just yet. You melted into the kiss as his tongue slid along your lower lip to ask for permission to enter. You parted your lips immediately, allowing Tom access. After a few moments of lazily making out like teenagers, you pulled away to catch your breath. You closed your eyes, leaning your forehead against Tom’s as you both panted, trying to catch your breath.

“Can we go to our room?” You mumbled, just loud enough for Tom to hear. Your voice was low, soft, and a little shaky from being so tired. His eyes opened at your words and his ears perked up. Tom pulled his head away from yours and your eyes returned to their half-open state.

“I thought you were tired?” He questioned teasingly, tucking some strands of hair behind both your ears and resting his hands on your cheeks. You reached up and wrapped your fingers around Tom’s wrists, smiling sweetly at him. He was sure his heart damn near melted in his chest at the sight of his sleepy girlfriend asking to have sex with him.

“I am,” you said softly, smirking as Tom ran his hands down your sides and settled over your hips, “why do you think I wanna go to our room?” You joked, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck and ducking your head down to place soft kisses along the side of it. He sighed, tilting his head in the opposite direction to give you more room as your fingers carded through the short, soft curls at the back of his head.

“You sure?” Tom asked breathily, as you continued laying kisses across his jaw and below his ear, “Because I don’t want you to do it just because I want to-”

“Tom,” you huffed, pulling away from his neck, your hands migrating to rest on his shoulders. He straightened up and opened his eyes as the feeling of your soft lips disappeared from his neck. “I’m sure. Now shut up and take me to the bedroom.”

FULL PART

A/N: AAAHHHH ok I mean I definitely put words on the page lol. Fr tho this is the first time I’ve ever posted anything so lmk if y’all want the rest! Feedback is always appreciated! <3

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #tommyhollandaisesauce

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cherrysha · 4 years

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A Sudden Realization

Ya’ll gunna kill me fr this... its not phinks like i promised. i’m still working on that one but i finished this a few days ago so this is my offering to yall. Is there a thing fr happy angst? Idk i gotta figure that out buut this is Illumi! He’s kinda hard fr me to write since uhhh... he quiet. But i tried!

Summary: Illumi finally lays his fears to rest.

Word count: 875

My requests are open atm

Warnings: Yandere Illumi, kidnap, angst. dassit

“There’s a storm coming”

You whisper it mostly to yourself. As it stands there’s no one else here to listen to you. And even if there was, you don’t think they’d very much care about what you had to say. Hugging yourself, you peer out the window.

How long has it been since you’ve felt rain wet your skin?

You can’t remember.

You don’t know it but he’s behind you, watching from a distance as you let out a sigh, warm breath fogging the glass. You don’t know he’s there and you rarely ever do. You don’t know that he can sense your desperation. Your longing. It hangs in the air like a fog so thick he can almost taste it in the back of his mouth.

A year inside is a long time, he knows that. But the idea of you leaving him isn’t even an option. If you get out you could escape, not that you’d make it very far, but the thought alone is enough to irritate him. It’s not a chore he’s willing to deal with. He watches as you move to sit on the floor, legs pulled up to your chest as you crane your neck up to look through the window. Down there you can see the sky better; watch as fat storm clouds gray out the sun.

It’s times like these that you let yourself acknowledge the fact that you’ll never leave. That it’s futile to even hope.

Maybe once he was back from this job he’d think about just letting you walk around the garden soon. Although you highly doubted it. His mind was made up, and no one could make him change it. Not you, not the butlers or even his own family. Not that any of them cared anyway. You held yourself even tighter.

Minutes tick by as you listen for thunder since it was always your favorite part of a good storm. Quiet engulfs you, wraps you in a blanket of comfort and muffles the ache that’s caged in the hollow of your chest.

“Maybe one day.” you whisper to yourself. But in a place like this, it was hard to have any hope.

Your voice is a whisper when he hears it.

Maybe ten minutes after the clouds finally burst, drenching the earth with the type of rain that wouldn’t be stopping for hours, you start to hum to yourself. It’s something sad, a melancholy tune that barely passes through your vocal chords. Head laying against your knees, you give yourself a moment to be fragile. With no one around to hear, to mock, to punish. You let yourself feel for the first time in a long time. You mourn the loss of your life and yet there’s no crying. If anything it’s just be a waste of energy. You’ve grown to learn that tears are useless.

He doesn’t know why, but even though he’d be content to watch you for hours he makes his presence known.

And maybe it’s the longing that consumes his senses like the ozone before a storm. Maybe it’s your quiet song, or the way you sit there so patiently like you’re willing to wait until the last drop falls from the sky. When you look up at him there’s no shock at the fact that you were being watched. You were used to his quiet intrusions. What shocks you is how he picks you up and carries you out into the garden.

He realizes now, in this moment, that he should know better. He shouldn’t let the possibility of your escape worry him. At this point it’s just a fact that he could stop you if you tried to escape, not an assumption. Illumi knows that you’ve come to that realization too and his actions should reflect as much.

It’s hard to know what you have until it’s gone, it’s a lesson he’s had to learn the hard way. And he watches as a smile creeps across your face, sure that he hasn’t seen an emotion that genuine from you in months. Right now, observing you as you lift your palms upwards like you’d be able to catch all the drops in your hands, It fills him with some feeling... something pleasant he has no name for.

It’s followed by light giggles as you bask in the downpour. In all practicality the rain was more of a nuisance in his eyes and he doesn’t think that will ever change. It’s so trivial he doesn’t understand it, but he doesn’t care to either.

But the way you spread your arms in silent worship, angling your neck so it falls in your face, it was like you’d just found God.

He sits down on one of the concrete benches littered around the garden and lets you to continue to feel as you rest on his lap. Tears mix with water and you don’t care if he sees, it’s nothing he hasn’t witnessed before. Letting your joy guide your movements, you kiss him.

A small and light thing, only pressing your lips to his long enough to get your message across.

“Can we please stay here for a moment Illumi?”

“We can stay as long as you’d like.”

#Illumi #yandere illumi #illumi x reader #yandere x reader #hxh #hxh illumi #hunter x hunter

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leia-imogen · 3 years

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aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 2 // vol. 1

( ft. short jokes, a belated birthday shopping trip, & an ultra-chaotic winter break )

( for @criswisstuff & anyone who enjoyed the first one <3 )

savannah, who is 5'9, is constantly teasing aaron and cleo for being short. katelyn's good at 5'6, and also a bit impossible to tease bcs she's the actual best, so she gets to escape this

cleo ( 5'2 ) is perfectly delighted to have someone shorter than her for once in her life, even by only 2 inches

aaron: guys, just try and see this from my point of view

sav: [ collapses ]

katelyn: [ crouches down ]

cleo: [ sits cross-legged on floor ]

aaron: dude you're literally 2 inches taller than me

cleo: 2 and a quarter

sav is so smug about this but in a good-natured way, in that she and cleo call aaron "kid" or "kiddo" or "pipsqueak" and he doesn't mind bcs they always say it w such a huge smile and he likes to respond to sav with "how's the weather up there, tall-ass?"

and katelyn thinks it's ridiculously adorable how tiny aaron is and obviously she uses him as an armrest all the time

katelyn, petting aaron's hair: guys guys omg he's like an angsty mini blond kitten and i would kill for him <3

sav, popping up between them: mini-yard :))

before i get super distracted, i just wanna mention that aaron met sav and cleo towards the end of november, so they missed the twin's birthday

but sav still insists that she must take him shopping bcs sure his fashion sense is fine but there's always room for improvement, isn't there, aaron??

he relents, so long as she and cleo and katelyn ( who already gave him a birthday present?? why's she doing this??? ) don't spend too much money

sav drags him all around south carolina to the best thrift stores she can find and cleo and katelyn are amazed that she can get such fantastic deals on the supermodel clothes she wears

fr she's literally a fashion design major ( + minoring in business management ) and she shows up to class in skilfully done drugstore makeup and an absolutely killer outfit for like 15 bucks

she grew up poor, and she's still poor now, even if she ( thankfully ) managed to scrape a cheerleading scholarship

sav, flicking through a rack of dresses labelled $4 apiece: RIP to little miss rich bitch reynolds but i'm different ;)

no hate to allison she's awesome but she grew up in the lap of luxury surrounded by designer brands so she knows NOTHING about thrifting and rationing money in general

oh and sav and allison have kind of a frenemies thing going on bcs they're both fighting for the top spot of their fashion design course

they spend the whole day shopping and aaron ends up with a highly upgraded wardrobe that contains a lot of cute pastel stuff and sav's promise to do his makeup

aaron insists on paying for dinner at the really nice pizza place a short drive from campus even tho they all protest

and andrew knows he's found new friends, but has no idea that it's the vixens and he's dating one of them. nicky does tho, but he's sworn to secrecy

nicky thinks his new clothes are adorable and is stunned when aaron tells him the total cost

"oh my GOD that girl sounds like a genius."

"yeah, her name's sav. you guys,, would get along, i think."

okay now for the winter break part!!

i think that you can get permission to stay at dorms if you're an international student or something??

anyways since sav's super upset bcs her father straight-up told her not to come home bcs he has a new girlfriend ( god i hate sav's father )

katelyn would stay with her, but her dad can finally have her home in new york for christmas and she really doesn't want to miss it

cleo, the only one with a properly functional family, is going back to her big family house and loving parents and grandma and aunt and siblings and cousins. love that for her.

so aaron and sav are stuck at psu for 2 weeks and aaron's surprisingly cool with this. and sav's excited bcs for the first time since her mom died, she can spend her christmas with someone she actually wants around instead of her shitty-ass father and his constant stream of bitchy girlfriends

they spend a lot of time together, stealing food from the athlete's dining hall to make their own weird combos, which usually ends with aaron making something Cool and Interesting and sav gagging and spitting out whatever strange concoction she had previously insisted would taste good

i literally can't bring myself to give a shit about the twinyards' deal bcs andrew literally became best friends with renee?? and hooks up with guys at eden’s??? idk what's going on there but it's like andrew is trying to control aaron's life while he can do whatever he wants??? and honestly wtf????

also let me just make it clear that i ADORE andrew so so much he's one of my favourite comfort characters ever but i'm not gonna make excuses for his shitty behaviour. i fully believe he heals and puts away his pride to apologise to aaron, nicky, and kevin for his treatment of them

that's definitely not to say that aaron's internalised homophobia isn't eww, but with so many important people in his life gay, he makes a huge effort to get over it

so andrew just thinks that aaron is spending a lot of time in the library or out with nicky or something

and when aaron tells sav about this deal, she's kinda horrified, but it's pretty clear to her that aaron so desperately wants to fix his relationship with his brother, and she's not in any place to discourage him, is she?

the only thing she can do is hope that he won't come out all the worse for it

and stare at the boy curled up on the other end of the pale pink sofa cleo's parents had gotten, wonder just how much shit he'd been put through, and decide she was going to be his best friend

aaron's face has gone entirely impassive. sav nudges his fluffy-socked foot with her own, then reaches out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "careful, you'll wrinkle your pretty little face."

aaron is very caught off guard by this, and very promptly flushes bright red, which contrasts with the pale teal hoodie he stole from katelyn

"okay, enough talk about depressing crap. wanna go make christmas cookies now?"

"yeah."

so they make christmas cookies. well, it was supposed to be christmas cookies, but it turns into double chocolate fudge cookies somewhere along the line. neither of them knows how

them baking together is the definition of chaos. they're still blasting songs, and sav is singing along terribly

"yOu'Re A mEaN oNe, Mr. GrInCh," while poking aaron's cheek as he tries to mix something. he throws a handful of flour at her. "yOu ReAlLy ArE A hEel."

anyways obviously sav retaliates and that ends in a flour fight. it only stops when aaron deadass cracks an egg on sav's head and she smears chocolate into his hair

she also tries to make him sing along to baby, it's cold outside

"i'Ve GoT tO Go `wAAyyy~" she holds a spatula up to his face

"go away."

they video call katelyn, who takes one look at the mess in the cramped dorm kitchen and sighs so loudly and dramatically that her dad pops in and asks if everything's okay

aaron freezes up at the sight of him and sav quickly turns off the camera, bcs they both want to make good impressions on him, and being covered in various cookie ingredients just won't cut it, ya know?

the cookies turn out delicious and sav sends all their group chat various photos of the process, most of which consist of selfies with her making goofy faces while aaron is simultaneously baking and flipping off the camera

plus a several videos of sav enthusiastically dancing and mouthing the lyrics of, as follows, all i want for christmas is you, let it snow, and santa claus is coming to town and aggressively pointing a spatula at aaron

"c'mon aari, just sing! please??? please???? please you can do it i believe in you!!"

finally he just. gives up. "okay, you know what? fine, i'll sing to ONE and then you will STOP bothering me you insolent dumbass."

sav beams. santa baby starts playing. aaron is very clearly going through five stages of grief in 0.5 seconds

"go on," sav says sweetly as she slides in next to a pouting aaron, "i'll sing with you."

sav slings an arm around his shoulder and sways with him, so it's just her doing that and him grumpily mumbling the lyrics

and when the cookies are cooling down, they start cleaning the kitchen up. aaron rubs some spilled egg yolk into sav's hair but it goes pretty okay otherwise, since they're just listening to more christmas songs and chatting about light stuff, like aaron's biochem course, sav's fashion course, and their dumb classmates

aaron mostly listens tho, and learns that sav kind of hates allison reynolds for giving up her inheritance when she would do ANYTHING for even the tiniest fraction of that money

but she still thinks allison's gorgeous bcs c'mon

and that sav's dream is to one day open her own boutique!!

aaron spends most of the actual christmas day with the monsters at eden's bcs nicky and andrew wanted to

he spent a lot of the time texting on their group chat

doessavvyisgay: so u just go to a nightclub every week??

unaliveme: i mean yeah, i literally worked here for a while. we needed money and nicky was already working 2 jobs night and day

actualblessing: babe ur backstory is so tragic

unaliveme: i'm a fox for a reason ig

cleo.magda: Yes but-

doessavvyisgay renamed this conversation "aaron miniyard support group"

unaliveme: oh ffs

unaliveme: sav subject change go

doessavvyisgay: i'm at the clothes store what should i get?

actualblessing: something pretty :)

doessavvyisgay: sorry, i can't buy the cashier

cleo.magda: Wow.

doessavvyisgay: I DID GET HER NUMBER THO

unaliveme: lmaooo what's her name?

doessavvyisgay: uh

unaliveme: savannah istg u don't even know her name??

actualblessing: s a v

actualblessing: damn u really do be turning on the Charm tho

actualblessing: respect i didn't even talk to aaron till i asked him for notes bcs he has rly pretty notes and also a rly pretty face

actualblessing: and even then i was like :0

unaliveme: IT WAS CUTE I PROMISE

doessavvyisgay: u 2 = the only valid heterosexual couple

actualblessing: rt

unaliveme: oh shit i'm getting super drunk

cleo.magda: Aaron, you drink? That's not legal, get out of there right now. Kids these days-

unaliveme: cleo u have literally seen me get drunk af,, the first time we met,,, and anyways this is how my family bonds ✌🏻

doessavvyisgay: that's. so damn weird kiddo but go off ig

actualblessing: no go find better things to bond about other than alcohol and weird sweaty dancing

cleo.magda: Yeah, go watch some Christmas movies!

unaliveme: nicky makes us watch die hard every year

doessavvyisgay: see u in hell, kiddo ;)

cleo.magda: I meant things like The Polar Express and Home Alone.

actualblessing: merry christmas ya filthy animals!!

doessavvyisgay: merry xmas y'all i'm gonna go to that christmas party bcs i'm super bored

unaliveme: merry christmas mothers and fuckers

cleo.magda: Merry Christmas, you guys!

#aaron & the family he's found all by himself #okay this was most aaron and sav centric #but i love them so.#aftg headcanons #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #aaron minyard headcanons #the vixens #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #twinyards #nicky hemmick #katelyn aftg #katelyn finley #sav jameson #cleo magdalene

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yioh · 4 years

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2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok?

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :)

@cupidhashorns peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............ so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :(

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat*

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug *

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^) i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries*

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

#wow i was so sappy ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ihdsajhkjsdhjkd #2020 follow forever

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chayacat · 3 years

Text

Devil’s Sweet Star (31)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

The night was long... but she was beautiful. And torrid too. A night you will remember for a long time. His kisses along your body, his delicate but sensual gestures, the warmth of his body to make you melt with pleasure ... his voice that kept repeating that he loved you... Yes, you will remember that night eternally. The sun's rays lightly passed through the curtains of your room. You and Jed were still in bed, naked but covered to the waist, sticking to his back, a little smile on your lips. For nothing in the world, you wouldn't want to let him go. If he wakes up before you and tries to get up, he may find himself stuck by your little arms, like an oyster at his rock. The latter moved slightly, turning towards you, hugging you a little more.

The sun's rays came to Jed's eyes, who woke up with his hand on his face, waking you up at the same time. Even with his hair in battle, he remained beautiful. You on the other hand... a brush stroke would not be refusal. His eyes were lost in yours while his lips display his usual angelic smile. He put a little kiss on your lips before hugging you a little more against him.

“Well slept?” he simply asks of his slightly hoarse voice when he woke up.

“After the night I spent? I slept like a baby... I have never felt as alive as that night.” you respond, kissing him on the lips.

“Delighted to find out then... it means it's far from the last time. Very far even.” He replied, before looking at his phone. “Shit. I have to be at the newspaper in 30 minutes. I will be late.”

“Can't you tell them you'll be a little late for this time? You've always been a model employee... you may well be late at least once in your life.” you said, with begging eyes.

“I would love very much, believe me honey, but I can’t. I don’t want to say that I am an important part of the Gazette but I am the one who deals with the most important subjects... Unfortunately, I can’t afford that kind of thing. Even if sometimes, I want to.”

“Too bad. In the meantime, you don't go from here with an empty stomach. I'll give you a nice breakfast. Quick to do and quick to eat.”

He smiles at you, and each on your own, you rise to get dressed. You take advantage that he wasn’t looking at you to look at his little ass now covered by his jeans. Oh no... this is definitely not the last time you'll see him completely naked. Quite the contrary. Once both of them were dressed, you left the room, Jed headed to the bathroom while you went to the kitchen. Eggs, bacon and good coffee. Simple, but effective. Compared to Jed, you still have 2 good hours before going to work.

Jed walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, ready to go to work. And to say that you will soon live with him... When, you don't know it yet, Mr. Lawson must first make sure that everything is in conformity and do the necessary work. But knowing that you will live under the same roof with your love... it's a dream. He devoured his breakfast for no time, but still took his time to drink his coffee. It made you laugh to see his face looking at you, cheeks filled, like a hamster eating his seeds.

“I'm lucky... today I would not see Wilhelm's face. Even if sometimes I recognize that it's quite fun to piss him off or to see him thank me reluctantly.” he said with a smile.

“Jed! That’s not nice!” you answer with a laugh.

“What? I swear to you, if you had seen his face when he thanked me, it was like he was going to vomit. He doesn't like me so having to thank me... you understand that he must have it in his throat.”

“You're really evil. Another facet of you that I didn't know.”

“And that's nothing. I am not evil, let's say that when I am provoked or aggressed for no reason... I become a completely different person. I have to go. We will have to think about going to see the apartment from above before taking it. To see what work there will be to do. Even though Mr. Lawson has promised that he will do the work, I prefer that we take a look at what really needs to be done. There is no point in paying for what is not urgent.”

“Sure! Have a good day.” you replied with a lovely smile.

“Have a good day my love.” said Jed, kissing you before leaving.

You sigh, Jed and work... a real obsession. But nothing can really change him anyway. It would still be nice if he took a vacation from time to time... or at least a few days off. You finish lunch before leaving for the Nebula. On the road, you think back to the discussion you had with Amy and Corey about Roseville's festival. And they are right, why not create a gigantic cake in honor of the city? In addition to other pastries! This would be a good way to pay tribute to this small town while advertising your business! Two birds with one stone, as they say.

As you arrive at the café, you see that the police are there. But fortunately, it's not for you that they are there. Lindsey, the florist who helped you get started in your business, was crying on the steps of her store.

“Lindsey? Is everything going well? What's going on?” You ask, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh (Y/N) this horrible!!! Someone broke into my shop last night. He destroyed everything! years and years of work, ransacked in a single night! What am I going to do?” She responds by sniffing slightly.

“Damn...I’m sorry Lindsey. You...you want something to eat and drink? it would do you good.”

She nodded and followed you into the café. Amy and Corey had just finished cleaning the room as well as the back shop. Preparing two cups as well as two slices of pie that you had prepared the day before and that Amy had finished cooking when you arrived. You sit at Lindsey's table, handing her coffee and pie, Lindsey thanking you as she looks at her cup.

“Tell me what happened.” you simply said.

“Last night, I closed my shop a little earlier than expected, because I was doing my accounts. That's when I heard a group of little young people, completely drunk doing the idiots. I didn’t pay attention to them, after all they are young, they have the right to live. When I left the shop, they were... they were pissing in front of the storefront. I berated them and they ran away. But one of them told me something, unfortunately I didn’t hear well. And there, I arrive this morning in front of the shop and I see that the door has been forced and all the interior ransacked!!!” She responds with some tears in her eyes.

“You're sure they really did that? You know it may be a contest of circumstance. Don't you have an enemy or competitors who would like to see you shut down?”

“Of course not! I have always made sure to sort things out in a peaceful and diplomatic way! I am sure (Y /N), they are the ones who destroy everything. By the way, I heard one of them talking about that man on the news...Mr Hoggins. But I don’t know what he said.”

You nod and talk a little more with Lindsey before she leaves home, while the police finish inspecting the premises. Of course, they came to see you, in order to find out if you had seen or heard something, to which you replied that unfortunately you were already at home long before Lindsey closed her shop. The police left, greeting you and your employees. You sigh, if young offenders start attacking businesses in the neighbourhood, there is a good chance that one day, yours will become their target. But what worry you the most, was the fact that one of them talked about Hoggins. What kind of link can they have together? Deep down, you don’t really want to know.

You turn to Amy and Corey who were chatting on their side. Let's hope that the day someone has to come and ravage this place, neither of them is there. You would feel so guilty... just like for your parents. It's silly, but you can't help but play moms or big sisters with people. Even if you have known them recently. They are your little foals... it's normal to worry about them, right?

“Ok! I thought back to the conversation we had and I think it's a great idea that you both had! Alone, I would not be able to make such a large cake. It will be the same size as a wedding cake and unfortunately, I never made one. Do you think you are up to the task?” you ask with a smile.

“Of course! You can count on us! We will not disappoint you!” responds Corey, full of energy.

You agree on the taste, appearance, and decoration of the cake. It must be something grandiose, worthy of Roseville and its inhabitants! The mayor has placed his trust in you, we should not disappoint him. Then comes the time to open the Nebula. The first customers arrived quite quickly and took seats at the table. Some were regulars, others were new. There was even a small tourist couple staying in the small hotel of the city. How cute they are.

If the morning was rather quiet, the afternoon was quite busy. But something unexpected happened. While you were preparing another batch of Brownies, you see Hoggins at the counter, chatting with Amy. Why did he come here?? And besides, how did he know that you work here?? You never told him about yourself, even less about your business! At least, you don't remember telling him about it. Besides, you never really talk to him during his reception. Then you remember what Lindsey said to you. What if, in reality, you were the target of these offenders and not Lindsey? Maybe Hoggins hired them for that. Fear took you slightly to the stomach. When he sees you, he smiles at you warmly and you feel compelled to smile at him in return and go see him at the counter.

“Miss (Y/N)! What a surprise! I didn't think I'd see you here! Do you work in this café?” he said with a bright smile.

“In fact, I work and I am the boss of this Café Mr Hoggins. You must have heard about it...” you respond with a fake smile.

“Oh, I see, I see! Well, I didn't expect a bird of paradise like you to do a job too... simple. But who am I to judge your decision?”

“Well...thank you...How can I help you Mr Hoggins?”

“Nothing very particular, as I had heard from our very esteemed mayor that your café was going to take care of the cakes for the Roseville’s festival, I wanted to see the place by myself. You know, you always have to make sure that people are trustworthy. But as it’s about you... I am sure you will delight our fine palates.” Hoggins replied, gently kissing your hand. “By the way, congratulations for ... your relationship with Mr. Olsen. Even though I personally find that a jewel as you shouldn’t be in the hands of a... arrogant and a parasite like him.”

“At the risk of disappointing you, Mr Hoggins, I would rather belong a thousand times to an arrogant and a parasite, as you say, than to a man who believes that he is allowed everything, because he has fortune and power. All men think that it’s enough to have millions in their pockets to attract women. But we only want love. And money will never be able to buy that. As it will never be able to buy me.” you said suddenly removing your hand, shooting him with your eyes.

“I apologise if I offended you. I am not in a position to judge anything in your house. I'll leave you; I don't want to make you lose potential customer. Ladies, Sir. To the pleasure.”

After making sure he's off, you wash your hands quickly, to remove saliva from this dirty idiot. What a bastard, if he believes that it is by bending and showing his fortune that he will have you, he can go and put a broom in his ass. In addition, he dares to call Jed a parasite! HE is the parasite! You clenched your fist before sighing... better to drop it and focus on what matters most to you. The end of the day was rather quiet. the cool evening wind made you tremble slightly but it was nothing compared to what Hoggins had made you feel. And to say that he is trading with thugs...Amy and Corey were gone, only you still in the shop. At least it's what you thought. While you were taking care of your book of accounts, you feel a look on you. But you know who was there.

“I'm going to end up putting lasers to stop you from entering my café and my house one day...” you simply said, without turning your head.

“Tss, it would be a child’s game for me to pass. Remember that so far, I have never been caught. But I feel like you are... slightly tense.” said Ghostface, leaning against the door.

“Slightly?? This dirty asshole of Hoggins came to MY shop to make advances to me and he called MY boyfriend a parasite and arrogant, thinking I would be attracted by his charming comedy and his money! And you find that I am SLIGHTLY tense???”

“...This repulsive son of a bitch believes that he can have anything he wants by using his influence. It's a good thing that I'm killing him soon, isn't it?”

“Oh God yes! I want that bastard suffer! Whether he suffers more or just as much as his associate asshole!” you replied out of control before realizing what you just said. “F-Forget what I said.”

“Don't even think about it. I intend to remember that adorable angry face when I kill him. I knew you would crack. No one remains "pure" indefinitely. You know what? Let's make a deal. I kill Hoggins and in exchange, you spend an entire evening with me. You will do whatever I tell you.”

“I will not betray the trust that Jed...”

“Yeah, yeah I know, he’s your boyfriend bla bla bla... But it's not like you haven't already...do it. Even if for you I almost raped you... you didn't have that much of a struggle in the end.”

You clenched your fist. Nothing is holding you back from sticking a slap in his face. Except maybe his knife that he always holds in case you try an unfortunate gesture …

“Do you have any intention of killing him soon?” you ask, keeping your distances.

“After Roseville’s festival in two weeks. That will be the last thing he will experience.” He responds with a grin.

“If you kill him...and if you tell me who you are...I'll spend an evening with you. But after Hoggin’s death.”

“Ha ha ha...Smart girl. You don't lose sight of your goals.”

“As you said: if you fall, I fall too. But I have the right to know who I deal with. Unfortunately for me, we’re bond together in some kind of way.”

“Oh, I can promise you... that you will not be disappointed, but surprised.”

“So... Deal?” you replied, raising your hand toward him.

He looked at your hand for a few minutes, letting a silent of death fall. What if he changed his mind? And if he asked for something more... horrible? Your heart began to beat hard, fear taking you more and more when you saw that he wasn’t moving. Then he ends up by taking your hand and suddenly get you closer to him.

“Deal. Welcome to my world, my angel.”

***

(And it’s finished! Sunday, it will be Father’s Day! I would like to thank you all again for following me all this time, I know that DSS is quite long, but I really want to take my time to put things in place. I don't know how many chapters it will make in all, but I already know how it will end.

I remind you that this is my very first fanfic and that therefore I learn as I write. But I hope that you like it as much as I like it, and that you will like the next ones I would make just as much. Because yes, DSS will not be the last, I don’t know yet about who or what I would do the others but I think about it!

In addition, if you have any advice, or you know how to make a Masterlist, you can tell me about it in the ask box! I hope you’ll like this chapter like the others ones! Well, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all! And Happy Father’s Day for all! See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

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cattles-bians · 3 years

Text

Damie Vibecca exes AU part 4

post directory

[em note: this one is LONG i had to split it!!!]

obsetress: deflecting to viola protecting becs

obsetress: once they are dating

obsetress: and thinkin thoughts

em: viola asks rebecca if she wants to put a hit out on peter and rebestiecca is like????

em: that’s hot but

em: u can do that? also maybe don’t. but mostly that’s hot

obsetress: i was literally gonna say peter is still her ex and he's a persistent fucker even though it's been a year at least and viola's response is... not far off from canon!

obsetress: becca just stares at her for a minute and then she's cupping viola's cheek and murmuring "come here" and pulling her down

obsetress: they're like kissing or whatever and rebecca's murmuring "that was hot, you know" between kisses and viola's like "oh?" and becca's like "don't be cheeky, you know it was" and vi just grins against her mouth

em: I’m Really Invested In This Crack Ship

obsetress: ok but rebecca tells jamie and dani about vi offering to put a hit on peter and they're both understandably and reasonably aghast and rebecca's just like (takes a sip of wine, ducks head, smiles to self) i think it's sweet

obsetress: dani and jamie look at each other out of the corners of their eyes

obsetress: (later, dani agrees how absolutely out of line it is but also admits that it sure does feel nice to be so taken care of sometimes)

obsetress: (jamie throws a pillow at her)

obsetress: also thinking about secret soft vibecca are sometimes and how horrified dani and jamie are the first time they see it with their own eyes

em: jamie and dani excessive PDA queens get a taste of their own medicine

em: it’s so funny that i’m like. always on the verge of viola horny posting but as soon as it’s vibecca i’m like look at these babies. these beautiful babies

obsetress: viola and rebecca kissing one (1) time at brunch and jamie, arm slung around dani’s shoulders, is like “oi, no one wants to see that” and dani, leaning into jamie, one hand in her lap, crinkles her nose and rebecca’s like “y— you’re kidding, right?”

obsetress: also like. we talk a lot about what vi does for rebecca but also like

obsetress: vi massive abandonment issues and rebecca just

obsetress: she just stays

em: ur gonna Kill me here lies em

obsetress: i know i didn’t mean to and then i just

obsetress: i can’t think too hard abt them or i will Melt Down but just like

em: look if rebecca can see the best in someone as awful as peter

em: viola isnt nearly as terrible

obsetress: esp vi post dani like

obsetress: she’s obnoxious and haughty and neoliberal but

obsetress: radical love goes a long way!

obsetress: rebecca grounding her thru touch and rebecca slipping her hands around vi’s and easing them loose when vi’s hands start to clench and rebecca just pressing a kiss to viola’s temple and murmuring “i’m here, yeah? with you. not going anywhere”

em: like i just think after eddie dani wouldnt like, just go w the flw any more. like i think abt her challenging viola occasionally

em: lovingly! gently

but like, holding her accountable

em: also violas absolutely little spoon

em: like i know blah blah viola top rebecca top leaning switch but viola little spoon

obsetress: “actually viola” (vi always knows she’s in trouble when dani calls her viola) “that was really hurtful” “i’m sorry you feel that way, dani, but—“ “i don’t need you to be sorry for how i feel. i need you to show me you’re sorry for what you did”

em: dani calls vi the Full Name and viola knows shes in trouble bc thats at least 4 extra vowels w danis midwest accent

em: it is always v surprising how much like, working w kids equips you to work w adults. b/c at least w kids you dont have layers and layers of social nuance to work through. u can just say 'hey. that was hurtful and your apology sucks'

obsetress: meanwhile dani’s over here trying to explain to vi intent vs impact and how no, it’s not semantics or nuance, it’s actually kind of a chasm

em: i kind of love like um. look viola is terrible but she wasnt born terrible

obsetress: she just has a lot to unlearn

em: and id belive that even if i wasnt a ghostfucker thats just rogers theory of self actualisation babyeee

obsetress: dani viola big fight n dani's like

obsetress: "i'm sorry and i love you but it's not my job to fix you, vi" and she just breaks down and she's like "it's not"

obsetress: jesus why did my brain take THAT turn

em: wrow

em: its ok i was gonna be like 'so they obvs break up at some point....'

obsetress: anyway viola just stares at her for a second and then she's like "you put the 'i'm sorry' before the 'i love you'"

obsetress: and dani just stares at her for a long time and she's like "yeah. i guess i did"

em: HANNAH

em: BESTIE

obsetress: i KNOW what the FUCK

obsetress: anyway dani's like "i guess i did" and vi's like "is that it then?" and dani just looks at her with her puffy eyes and is like "i think so"

obsetress: dani clayton queen of saying "i love you" over and over in the midst of breaking up w someone

em: well! she has a lot of love to give but, she also has to love herself sometimes!

em: i was thinking abt scenarios n i just remembered that. whole video rental shop thing so i think that slots in nicely

[em edit: u can read here]

obsetress: god i love that lil scene

em: dani sends viola a tentative little meme peace offering and they get back to talking and its nice but maybe a bit awkward and viola mentions like, going to therapy and seeing someone for help n its

obsetress: vi's stewing on "i can't fix you" for weeks and then she's begrudgingly. BEGRUDGINGLY calling a therapist

em: like its still awkward and dani is still nursing some wounds but she can ALSO be happy for someone she used to care about

em: still cares about!

obsetress: she's always gonna love her in some way or another

obsetress: but yeah also like. smth to viola being too stubborn to do anything she doesn't wanna do except suddenly when dani clayton gets involved and that feels p canon in its own way too

em: 'i cant fix u' weird bc every time i see viola im like 'i can fix her'

obsetress: it's like ur in my head bestie

em: how do u think viola and rebestiecca met

em: not that u think abt it or anything

obsetress: MAN i was just thnking

obsetress: in this universe how did dani and jamie meet but i guess it can still just be bly tbh

obsetress: as for vi and bestiecca hmmm

em: am so caught up in the joy of fucked up interpersnal dynamics i forgot a meet cute

obsetress: honestly part of me wants to be like

obsetress: on some dating app but a dating app for posh people yk

obsetress: but then i'm like

obsetress: that takes all the meet cute fun out of it

obsetress: oh GOD

obsetress: i got it

obsetress: ready

obsetress: so like viola landlord we know this

obsetress: and then i was watching whatever ep three the other day and bex mentions wanting to do public law right

em: oooooh

obsetress: bex public housing attorney

em: OOH

obsetress: they meet at some conference

obsetress: hit it off prob fuck lbr

obsetress: and then

obsetress: comedy of errors

obsetress: whoever stays the night, they sleep together again in the morning, breakfast in bed, bex is like "so what do you do, anyway"

em: hjgbjshmdnfbmngbmhnbgs,hndg m,shndgds

em: YES

obsetress: and then they just

em: WHEEZES

obsetress: also i like to think rebecca invites vi back to her hotel room and vi is so charmed by her taking charge ("""taking charge""") that she lets her

obsetress: and then like

obsetress: god for a while what if they just like

obsetress: they're so mortified and morally and fundamentally at odds but like

obsetress: the sex is so good???????

obsetress: that they keep just meeting up and then

em: romeo and juliet situation

obsetress: yk how it goes

obsetress: the sex is good and they see each other as like

em: thats so fucking good thank u hannah

obsetress: super rare intellectual equals whatever

obsetress: thank u i am exceedingly proud rn

obsetress: honestly at this point i'm

obsetress: rebecca and vi uhaul change my mind

obsetress: like not too quick because isabel but, quick enough to be considered

em: so the joke is like. obviously 'extremely pda damie' but when rebecca and vi are alone they Also cannot get their hands off each other

obsetress: they both just. worry about appearances too much meanwhile

obsetress: tweedle dee and tweedle dum in the overalls and mom jeans dgaf

em: accidentally seeing ur friends compromised is just part of the package of being friends w damie. however jamie accidentally catches vibecca in the act and shes Horrified

em: hypocrits

em: danis like yeah what do u. think theyre doing

em: dani is nonchallant bc shes dated viola of all people

obsetress: i mean could you imagine

obsetress: between vi and dani's just

obsetress: insatiable libido

em: HADNT IMAGINED UNTIL NOW BUT YEAH

obsetress: dani, very seriously: jamie, when two women love each other––

em: dani likes dating jamie bc it means she can top occasionally :) maybe even more than occasionally

em: jamies like ooh my god i knw i know how are u so casual about... rebecca... and ... viola... (dani just pulls her in fr a smooch)

obsetress: they have each other's clothes half off and dani's like "i'm so casual because i dated her too, babe" and jamie's like "can we not have this conversation right n"

obsetress: also i still have this on my clipboard from earlier we bopped around so fast but

obsetress: vi and bex hooking up early on:

obsetress: rebecca knocks on vi's door at, like, 6:00 pm after work, vi opens it, rebecca just grabs her and kisses her, vi pulls her in, becca kicks it closed behind her, vi shoves her against the door and they're kissing against it, then vi's ducking her head to kiss along rebecca's neck and rebecca's like "how many people did you evict today" as she angles her head and then viola's finding her lips again and tugging at her lower lip with her teeth "probably not as many landlords as you shortchanged today" and rebecca's laughing and pushing her backwards down the hall as viola tugs at her blouse

em: GOD. viola is probably like

em: ok, disclaimer: fuck all landlords

em: but at least in this fantasy world perhaps viola is 'fairly' 'reasonable' n shes absolutely playing it up for the hate sex angle n rebecca Maybe Assumes shes lying but

em: stupid morons in love

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: i think i've mentioned this before but like

obsetress: now that it's more fleshed out

obsetress: then they're at drinks one night (and when did it go from just sex to drinks? neither of them could tell you) and viola's kinda quiet n moody (n rebecca already knows she Gets Like This sometimes and that she'll usually say whatever she's thinking eventually) and finally she's like

obsetress: "i have... a daughter" and rebecca's just like "tell me about her" like it's the easiest thing in the world

obsetress: and viola's head snaps over and she stares because she was.... not expecting that

obsetress: and so viola does

obsetress: and rebecca's just like "i'd love to meet her one day"

em: soft.....

obsetress: they always turn back to soft

obsetress: like they have a fuckin mind of their own

em: rapidly oscillate between horny and soft

obsetress: that's the mood

em: violas probably like. yknow, rebecca's young and up and cming n she probably assumes rebesticca isnt interested as something as full on as a kid but shes like 'do you have any photos'

obsetress: fuck!!!!!!!!!

em: rebeccas like do u think i didnt. see the photos at ur apartment lmao

em: theres a childs drawing on the fridge

obsetress: rebecca has known almost from the jump but was

obsetress: giving viola her time

obsetress: also smth smth giving her time instead of time wearing her away etc etc we're all in hell

em: cracks knuckles

em: bestie....

obsetress: pls

obsetress: it's what i deserve

obsetress: first tho

obsetress: consider

obsetress: the way viola's face lights up when she's talking about isabel and showing rebecca all the pictures

obsetress: hold pls

em: soft......

obsetress: this one chief

obsetress: right here

#the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au #i have some old ones i wanna get through so bad just for the joy of #jamie: actually viola i DONT think cocaine is vega #vegan i meant vegan #but tumblr user obsetress mentioned the break up so! so. a recent convo

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steponmepinkjun · 3 years

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I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

#felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

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ts-unpopular-opinions · 4 years

Text

Side Tracks opinions part 2: Virgil

(Here we go again! I think I may have less to say about Virgil’s than Janus’, so I’ll try to make this one shorter)

1) Sunrise, Sunset: This ones about Virgil when he was with the darksides. Virgil is beginning to get tired of his life as a darkside and the monotony of it (“sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days. Sunrise, sunset you wake up then you undress, it always is the same”). He feels like something is changing in him, but doubts that he will ever be able to escape the routine that he’s been living in for so long (“Because you've changed, Yeah, you've changed” “from a cradle to a casket, there is no way to escape” “The sunrise, the sunsets, you're hopeful and then you regret, the circle never breaks”).

2) Let’s Kill Tonight: Some of Virgil songs can be very vague and it can be hard to pinpoint who the song is focused toward (this is one of them). My interpretation of the song is that this takes place during Virgil’s first appearance with the light sides (“Make room we're taking over here” “Show them all you're not the ordinary type”) Perhaps the dark sides were aware of Virgil leaving and so Virgil’s initial view of the light sides was a bit more spiteful and angry than we thought. With this interpretation I like to assume that it was Janus’ plan to let Virgil out, perhaps in an attempt to get all the dark sides accepted, but it backfired when Virgil realized that the light sides weren’t as bad as he was raised to believe.

3) Sally’s Song: After the last song, this song shows Virgil’s realization that perhaps he does want to be with the light sides. He really cares about Thomas and wants to be with him, but he’s worried about whether or not he’ll be helpful and worthy (“And though I'd like to stand by him, Can't shake this feeling that I have” “And will he see? How much he means to me. I think it's not to be” “All though I'd like to join the crowd, In their enthusiastic loud. Try as I may It doesn't last”)

4) It Ends Tonight: Virgil is starting to be accepted, woot woot (“When darkness turns to light, It ends tonight, it ends tonight” “A weight is lifted on this evening”). Virgil seems to start to feel a lot of anger towards the other dark sides at this point. He feels as if he’s been tricked by them and that Thomas needed him all along (“A falling star, at least I fall alone”). He’s now showing anger and frustration towards the dark sides that really hasn’t been prevalent in the playlist up until this point. I think he’s realized that they’ve either been using him, lying to him, or fooling him (“I look at you with such disdain” “Now I'm on my own side, It's better than being on your side”).

5) I’d Hate to be You When People find out What this Song is About: Now that Virgil is with the light sides, he’s worried that he may not be good enough or helpful enough for Thomas (“Well, I'm thinking of the worst things That I could say to you” “But I'm tongue tied and terrified of what I'll say” And I'm sorry that this wasn't easy, When I asked you believe me” “I could only sing you sad songs”). He’s so worried about hurting Thomas because of his dark side origins that he doesnt understand why Thomas is trying so hard to accept him (“You never let go, But I let go”). He also refrains from telling Thomas about his true past probably out of fear or worry that Thomas won’t want him anymore (“But I never told you everything, I'm losing hope and fading dreams”).

6) A Decade under the Influence: Virgil is anxious™️. Despite how worried he is about his ability to help Thomas, he knows that he has to try and that he has to protect Thomas from the other dark sides (“Well, I've got a bad feeling about this, I've got a bad feeling about this” “To hell with you and all your friends, To hell with you and all your friends” “I’m a nervous wreck”).

7) Thnks fr th Mmrs: HUGE, SASSY middle finger to Janus. Honestly, thats it. Virgil has been fully accepted by Thomas and the light side gang and he is LOVING it. This song is just Virgil rubbing it in Janus’ face how much better off he is without him and the dark sides (“Who does he think he is?” “Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great”). He also flaunts the fact that Patton is a much better parent/authority figure than Janus ever was (“He tastes like you, only sweeter”).

8) Be Calm: This ones cuteeeee. Virgil has been with the light sides for some time now and has begun to understand that he can be helpful to thomas (“As I walk through the streets of my new city, My back feeling much better, I suppose”). The entire song just feels like Virgil helping Thomas through an anxiety attack or some panic of sorts. He relates to Thomas on the feeling and tries his best to help him relax (“I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe” “And be calm. Be calm. I know you feel like you are breaking down. Oh I know that it gets so hard sometimes. Be calm.” “Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.” “You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive” “It just gets so hard sometimes”). Theyre starting to bond and finally understand each other and that is just super sweet 💜💜💜.

9) I’m not Okay (I Promise): Honestly... I’m not super sure about this one. It’s another vague one as to who it is aimed toward, but I’m just gonna assume it’s either Thomas or Patton. Virgil is feeling like he isn’t being listened to and needs to be taken more seriously (“I never want to let you down or have you go” “I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means” “I held you close as we both shook for the last time” “You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed” “But you really need to listen to me, Because I'm telling you the truth”).

10) Imaginary: Despite now being a light side, Virgil still worries about the darker sides that are hidden within Thomas (“In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby. I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me”). He knows that they will try to get out at any moment and may be harmful to Thomas, so he has to keep his guard up. (“Don't say I'm out of touch, With this rampant chaos your reality” “I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge” “Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming, Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights”).

11) Soft Shock: Oof guys... I really, really don’t know here. This song is SO romantic that it’s hard to even imagine why it’s on Virgil’s playlist to begin with. There is also a vague “you” referenced like in most of Virgil’s songs and I frankly have no clue who it’s supposed to be. I’ll just list some lines that I think are important and maybe you all could help me figure it out. “Well it's a shock, shock to your soft side” “Summer moon (this is like a period of summer where its very warm and things are in bloom)” “Better, back together” “Catch your shut eyes in my room”.

12) The Good that Won’t Come out: Virgil is still worried about his dark past and how that will affect the others and Thomas. He knows that he needs to tell Thomas, but he’s worried that if he does, Thomas will only be able to see the bad things that Virgil brings with him (“I do this thing where I think I'm real sick, But I won't go to the doctor to find out about it 'Cause they make you stay real still in a real small space As they chart up your insides and put them on display. They'd see all of it, all of me, all of it” “All of the good that won't come out of me And all the stupid lies I hide behind. It's such a big mistake, Lying here in your warm embrace”). He finishes the song out by comparing himself to his past, dark side friends (“Let's talk about all our friends who lost the war” “It's all of the good that won't come out of them And all the stupid lies they hide behind”).

13) Sick Sad World: Again... I’m sorry guys but this song doesn’t seem that deep to me (at least nothing stood out. Basically, all I got is that Virgil knows he makes a lot of mistakes, but he does his best to fix them (“My head's a permanent mess And I can't think for the stress” “I close my eyes and pretend That the ground beneath me has disappeared” “Rewind and overwrite, Hope life begins at twenty-nine”). Virgil also still seems to think that he isn’t being listened to enough and that he isn’t helping as much as he wants to with the light sides (“So what, is this is as good as it gets?” “So won't you let me in”).

14) Ignorance: Another Janus song! Whose shocked? Anyone? Yeah, me neither 😂. But this one is SUPER interesting as it gives us some insight into what Janus and Virgil’s relationship was like before Virgil left. The two seemed to be very close and perhaps had similar pessimistic views on the world (“Yeah, the friends who stuck together. We wrote our names in blood”). Virgil knows that the change in him was for the better and he wants Janus to realize this too, but he isnt about to feel bad for Janus if he refuses to see the truth (“But I guess you can't accept that the change is good” “If I'm a bad person, you don't like me, Well, I guess I'll make my own way” “This is the best thing that could have happened. Any longer and I wouldn't have made it. It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture. I'm just a person, but you can't take it” “The same tricks that, that once fooled me, They won't get you anywhere. I'm not the same kid from your memory, Well, now I can fend for myself”). Now, a line that I’m sure people will see as confirmation of Ignorance being the next side, has a different meaning to me: “Ignorance is your new best friend”. To me, this proves that Ignorance is a part of Janus. Virgil believes that Janus will be stuck in the dark forever because he is ignorant to what the real world brings. Janus is so stuck in his hatred for society and his lack of trust for others that he ignores information that could prove his thoughts wrong. That is ignorance at it’s core, and Janus is being intentionally ignorant to the fact that Virgil becoming a light side was a good thing.

15) The Ice is Getting Thinner: Another song that solidifies that Virgil and Janus were actually friends at one point (“We're not the same, dear, as we used to be. The seasons have changed and so have we”). Virgil knew that him and Janus were growing apart back when he split from the dark sides and he knew it was for the better, but it still hurt him (“There was little we could say, and even less we could do, To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you” “And it saddens me to say, But we both know, well, it's true. That the ice was getting thinner Under me and you”). This perhaps shows that the ill-will between the two is not really due to Virgil hating Janus, but instead a sort of broken heart dynamic. Virgil knew he needed to leave, but Janus may not have been ready and may not have understood why someone he cared so much for would just leave him for the others.

16) Overkill: This one seems fairly straight forward to me. Virgil is scared of the dark sides and the implications their acceptance may have for Thomas. He can feel them lurking close by and is on edge because of it. He wants to protect Thomas from them, but at the same time thinks that he may be overreacting (“I can't get to sleep. I think about the implications” “Especially at night. I worry over situations. I know we'll be alright. Perhaps it's just imagination” “Day after day it reappears. Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear. Ghosts appear and fade away” “Especially at night I worry over situations that I know will be alright. It's just overkill.”

17) Under pressure: This ones a bit hard to decipher, but I’ve got an idea. Virgil really respects and values Patton as one of Thomas’ sides, but the other dark sides seem to disagree. Virgil wishes that they would be able to see Patton in the same way that he does and perhaps then they would be accepted by Thomas (“Watching some good friends screaming "Let me out!"” “Can't we give ourselves one more chance?” “Why can't we give love that one more chance?”). Basically, I think the reason that Virgil was accepted by the light sides was because he understood Patton (love and feelings) and what he means to Thomas. Janus has now shown after being accepted that this could be the case (seeing as he was accepted only when Patton accepted him, the other sides didnt really play a part).

18) Everything is Alright: When reading my thoughts on this song, keep in mind that it is connected to the next song. Virgil basically is very anxious about menial things in life that he shouldn’t be anxious about (“Because I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, Talking with strangers, waiting in line..”). Virgil doesn’t feel like things are okay and he doesn’t feel safe, but he asks the person in the song to tell him that everything is okay anyways. Now a while back, I remembered Joan mentioning in a livestream that Janus would be the one to lie to Thomas about things being alright even when they’re not, so this got me thinking. Perhaps Janus and Virgil got along so well in the past because Janus would lie to Virgil whenever he was having a panic attack in order to calm him down. Virgil may have found comfort in this as lying to himself may have been the only way to escape his episodes (“‘Someday you'll be fine..’ Yes, I'll be just fine.” “Tell me that you're alright, everything is alright. Please tell me that you're alright, everything is alright.”). Idk It just feels like Janus trying to calm Virgil down to me.

19) The Middle: (remember how I said this was connected to the above song? Yep, keep that in mind) So right after the last song, this song began to play and at first I thought the two songs were basically about the same thing. Virgil is anxious and needs reassured that things are okay. This song seemed to have a different tone though. The speaker is reassuring Virgil, but in a different way. They’re not lying to Virgil and telling him just what he wants to hear, but they are feeling with Virgil and comforting Virgil with truth and honesty (“Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head, you feel left out” “Don't you worry what they tell themselves When you're away.” “It just takes some time, Little girl you're in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be alright.” “You know you're doin' better on your own” “Live right now, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough For someone else.” “Don't worry what their bitter hearts Are gonna say”) That’s right. This song is about Patton doing the exact same thing that Janus once did for Virgil only better. Not only that, but he’s reassuring Virgil about his worries regarding the dark sides. That must sting for Janus...

20) Vindicated: I think this song takes place right after Virgil confessed his past to Thomas. He’s scared that Thomas will reject him, but he explains that he’s trying his best to be better for Thomas despite the many flaws he may have (“I am selfish I am wrong. I am right, I swear I'm right. Swear I knew it all along And I am flawed, but I am cleaing up so well”). Despite his fear of rejection he has hope that Thomas will accept him as he’s begun to see things in himself that someone (probably Patton) has seen all along (“Hope dangles on a string, Like slow-spinning redemption” “I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself”).

(And there you have it guys! I realize this one is probably just as long as the last one, so I’m sorry about that 😂. Please let me know your thoughts 💜)

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #ts unpopular opinions #ts virgil #virgil sanders #virgil playlist #ts side tracks #side tracks #sanders sides tracks #long post #ts sidetracks

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basicjetsetter · 5 years

Text

At the End of the Day (I)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 4.9k

Warnings: Lil Fluff, Lotta Angst, Language, Violence – an extremely violent scene, might not be suitable for some, don’t continue to read if it triggers you.

Summary: All Bucky wants to do is protect his family and keep them happy, keep them safe. But no matter what he does, danger hunts him down and makes his life a living hell. It has a name. Baron Zemo.

A/N: This is my first time writing for Bucky. I hope y’all love it as much as I do. If you want, you can listen to Sometimes by H.E.R. The fic isn’t inspired by the song, but I felt like it fit. (Gif not mine, all credit to its creator). Also I apologize if the translation is wrong. Happy Reading!!

Part II

Bucky had it all planned out.

Race out of the debriefing room as soon as the meeting adjourned, jump into his car, still grimy and clothed in tactical gear, and gun it to his house to get there in time for dinner. For the most part, the plan was successful. He left the Compound at 3:45 p.m. and made it to the driveway by 5:50. The clock on the dash reads 6:18. He can’t get out of the car. Every time he attempts to unfasten the seatbelt his muscles lock up until he caves under the exhaustion.

Missions never take this much of a toll on his body, but to be fair, he did hurl himself out of a ten-story building like an idiot. He remembered how the world outside swayed, remembered hearing Sam shout into the coms, telling him that everyone was safely out and that he needed to get out too. There was nothing else they could do.

The floor underneath his boots shuddered. Stairs were out of the question and there was no time for Sam to figure out which side of the building Bucky was in. So he jumped.

By now he’d thought he’d be used to imminent death. After all, it came with the job. And yet this knowledge didn’t keep him from squeezing his eyes shut and holding his breath until his lungs cried for air. It didn’t help his hammering heart or the tight clench of his gut as he plummeted to meet the concrete.

Everything had gone a bit fuzzy afterward. A lot of people rushed in to see if he was still alive. He thought he saw a familiar face, but chalked it up to be a trick of the light. Sam and Wanda hovered over him, repeatedly asking if he could hear them and if he was alright. Nothing hurt too bad. He somehow managed to rotate enough so his left side took most of the impact. His head hurt like a son of a bitch, though, and his mouth tasted metallic and felt like sandpaper.

Medics pawed at him the entire way back to the Compound, checking his vitals, shining bright lights in his eyes to rule out concussions. One of them suggested he be left in their care for the night.

What he needed was a goddamn aspirin and a nap. If he let them hook him up to all those machines, he’d be stuck in there for… Christ knows how long. Hours? Days?

Bucky just wanted to go home to his girls.

Instead of listening to the docs advising him to do such and such, he thought of you seeing him like this, bruised from head to toe, covered in rubble and blood. You’d seen him look worse, but every time he came in with even a cut you worried at your bottom lip and a small crease of a frown darkened your features. But he knew you’d be relieved to have him at home in one piece.

So he disregarded their caution. Within 48 hours he’d be right as rain. The perks of being a souped-up solider, he thought ruefully.

Only one good came out of this mess. Bumblebee is going to go through the roof with excitement. He can hear her screams now, “No way! That’s so cool! Mama! Mama! Did ya hear that? Daddy jumped out of a building!”

6:32 p.m.

He wouldn’t be able to tell her anything if he couldn’t haul his ass out of the car.

Bucky groaned as he grabbed hold of his canvas bag and slung it over his shoulder, then kicked the door of the Jeep open. He gingerly climbed out, whimpering with each movement. He shouldn’t have sat in there for so long. All his muscles are stiff as a starched shirt. He leaned against the car door to close it.

As Bucky limped up to the front door he heard the sounds of Bumblebee and Tater, their golden retriever puppy, running around and you laughing as Bumblebee huffed in frustration, “Give me back my shoe, Tater!”

The corners of Bucky’s mouth curved into a large grin despite his crushing headache. He put his key in the lock and frowned when it didn’t click. Already open. Sighing deeply, he twisted the knob and pushed open the door. Scampering feet ran out of the kitchen into the foyer. “Daddy’s home!”

Sure enough, Bumblebee, and Tater right on her heels, dashed into him just as he dropped his canvas bag on the ground and jumped into his open arms. He grunted in the effort to keep her up in his aching arms, staggering back a couple of steps. “Jeez kid, you’re getting big on me.”

She pouted. Miniature versions of your eyes examined his face. “Are you okay, Daddy? Why’re you all purple and blue?” Her smooth, chubby hand brushed away a stray hair from his face. “Does that hurt?”

Had he winced?

In front of him, he heard a sharp inhale. Shit. Reluctantly, Bucky lifted his eyes and met yours. He’s probably not his usual sight for sore eyes. In fact, he’d be willing to bet that he’s the cause of those sore eyes.

You assessed him from head to toe, no doubt noting how he shifted your daughter to his right side to protect his left.

“James.” Your tone is viperous.

He’s in for it. “Don’t say it,” he pleaded.

“Buchanan.”

Bucky hid his face behind his daughter’s shoulder. “Doll, I-“

“Barnes. What the hell happened to you?” You didn’t wait for an answer, striding over and taking your daughter out of his arms and setting her down. “Honey, why don’t you go finish up your dinner. Daddy and I need to talk about grown-up stuff.”

The girl looked up at her dad with a defiant set of her mouth. “I want Daddy to come and eat with me.” She is her mother’s child, but the way she held herself reminded Bucky so much of himself before he became a pawn to Hydra. Cock-sure and confident, ready to hold his own. That’s his little Bumblebee.

You sighed. “He’ll be there in a minute, baby. I promise. Go on,” you smiled sweetly. He knows you don’t want her to worry, but you aren’t doing a good job at neutralizing your frantic expression.

Your daughter still didn’t budge.

“Celeste, please. For Mama?” you supplicated, leaning down to meet her stricken gaze.

“Is Daddy in trouble?” she asked, her voice now small and quavering. It broke his bruised heart.

Bucky’s knees buckled as he kneeled and he did his best to minimize the sound of his groans. “No, no, Bumblebee, I’m fine. Mama just wants to take care of me, that’s all. As soon as we’re done, I’m all yours.”

“Promise?”

He nodded and laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Super promise.”

She perked up as if her mood hadn’t soured at all and skittered off into the kitchen, Tater trailing after her with a tiny shoe in his mouth. Bucky waited until he heard her chair scrape across the floor then peered up at you. “Might need some help getting up here, Doll.”

Despite your apparent anger, you giggled lightly and held out your hand. Bucky grabbed it with his right and pulled himself up, but leaned against the wall adjacent to the front door for support, panting.

“God Bucky, you look awful,” you whispered, running a hand through his tangled hair. “Did you get hit by a train?”

“Sort of.” At your stern frown, he confessed. “I-uh… I may have jumped out a ten-story building and the ground might’ve broken my fall. It’s nothing,” he rushed. “I’ll be fine in a few hours.”

He sucked in a breath as you softly pressed a hand to his left side. You set to work on undoing the harnesses and buckles of his vest. “Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?” he asked.

“Lie to me.” Bucky fixed his mouth to deny it, but you continued. “We’ve been married for six years… Don’t you think I know you like the back of my hand by now? You aren’t fine. It’s not nothing. You’re human, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. You can still feel pain.” Your voice dropped to a murmur.

At first, he thought your silence resulted from the weight of your words because now he certainly felt like he got hit by a train. But he followed your eyes. You’d successfully ridden him of the top half of his tactical gear, laying everything in a heap at the bottom of your feet. Angry welts, cuts, and bruises smattered down his chest in an intricate pattern, ranging from red to purple to blue. The puffed scar connecting his cybernetic arm to his shoulder paled in comparison.

Hearing you sniffle brought him back to the present.

“Jesus Bucky.” Tears shone in your eyes, pooled, then fell down your cheeks.

This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go. He wasn’t supposed to come home after being away for three weeks and immediately upset his girls. The sheer sadness laced in your words hurt him more than his wounds. And that sadness wouldn’t just go away in a few hours.

Bucky pulled you into his arms, welcoming your soft body against his like a heat compress. You smelled like roasted garlic chicken with a hint of buttery, herbed mashed potatoes, and lavender soap. His stomach growled.

“Remember that time we took Bumblebee to Wollman Rink and she accidentally fell on her head and got that nasty bruise?” Bucky asked, resting his head on your shoulder and pressing small kisses to the side of your neck. A small sigh of contentment sifted into the air.

“Yeah.” Another sniffle. “Sam, Wanda, Peter, and Rhodey all bought her big teddy bears and ice cream to cheer her up. My poor baby. I never wanted to hear her cry like that again.”

Bucky nodded in agreement, recalling how every rational thought fled his mind as he rushed to his daughter, cradling her small body to his chest. They took her to the Med-Bay and she stayed there for a week and he never once left her side.

“We didn’t eat. Didn’t sleep. Sam all but locked us out of her room and told us to take a shower and change into some fresh clothes.”

You cocked your head back and gazed confusedly into his pale blue eyes. “You going somewhere with this?”

“We can’t…” he paused, clearing his throat. “There is a healthy amount of worry we’re allowed to give before it becomes too much, you know. We’ll go mad wanting to keep each other out of harm’s way and that’s exactly what you’re doing. This is my job, Doll. I get hurt. We just gotta accept that.”

You pulled out of his arms and crossed yours. You didn’t damper the bitterness as you spoke. “You’re such a hypocrite. What would you do if I came home covered in bruises and cuts every night? Huh? Shrug it off? That’s what you’re telling me to do?”

Bucky didn’t know if he should answer, so he kept his mouth shut, down-casting his eyes. That’s not quite what he meant, but it’s in the same vein.

“Alright. Fine.” You turned away from him and walked out of the room, into the kitchen.

That didn’t turn out how he wanted it to, but Bucky didn’t have the energy to go after you. You need time to simmer.

He picked up his stuff and dropped it off on the foot of his office, quickly showered and changed into a pair of gray sweatpants. His muscles appreciated the warm water and comfortable clothes.

The lights in the family room and dining room were shut off by the time he finished, leaving only the kitchen to be illuminated in a faint glow. A stack of dishes sat in the sink and the leftovers were contained on the counter, ready to be put away in the fridge. On the other side of the house, down the hall, the light in the second guest bathroom gleamed. He heard the splash of water and giggles. Bath time.

Despite his cloudy mood, he smiled. Bucky missed this.

After he scarfed down some microwaved chicken, mashed potatoes and carrots, he got to work on the dishes.

The act always soothed him. When every second of his day had to be calculated down to the last minutiae, taking the time to listen to his thoughts became a welcome gift. But all his thoughts led back to you. Your warm body in his arms, your head propped against his chest as you made little sighs of happiness. He understands why you’re upset, and no, he wouldn’t like it if you came home hurt every night as he does. Hell, he wouldn’t be able to stand to be away from you as long as he does now.

You’re concerned for him. The least he can do is empathize and lessen your fears. Him not saying anything translated to you as, “Yes, I’d prefer if you didn’t care about me.”

“I’m such an asshole,” he muttered, tossing the dish towel onto the counter after drying the last plate.

He heard you shuffle behind him and he turned in time to see you drop an armful of blankets and pillows onto the couch.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, acknowledging the clean dishes. “If you need some more pillows there’s a couple in the hall closet.”

Before you could lope off into your bedroom, Bucky called out, “I’m sorry.”

That stopped you short.

He chanced a step forward, then another, until you put a hand out to confirm the distance. “About earlier… You were right.” Bucky itched to hold you, but instead, he settled for pulling his hands through his damp hair. “If the situation was reversed, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it and the fact that you’ve been doing it every day since we got together… I’m gonna be more careful. I promise. I can-I can request some time off. We can—”

You interrupted him, so quiet even his enhanced hearing strained to pick up the noise. “Do you know why I handled it, Buck? Why I never complained?”

He shook his head, again finding his tongue too tied up to answer.

“Because it’s your job. You’re an Avenger. You’re this awesome superhero who saves hundreds of people every day. How can I complain?” Your words choked off with emotion, yet somehow you managed to push past it, sounding rugged and defeated. “H-How can I be so selfish to want to keep the Winter Soldier safe? The craziest thing is, I never see him when I look at you. The soldier, I mean.” You bowed your head and swiped away ceaseless tears. When you brought your eyes back up to meet his, both of your eyes glistened. “I see you, Bucky. And you’re someone I can’t lose.”

Bucky didn’t react fast enough. As soon as he took that last step forward to stand right in front of you, you turned and dashed into your bedroom, shutting the door. He didn’t hear the lock turn.

He walked over to the door and placed his hand on the knob. Pressed his ear against the wood. You sounded close. Crying with your hands clamped over your mouth to muffle the sobs. Nothing would be able to stop him from going in the room to comfort you, locked door or not. But if you wanted him to be near you, you’d have left the door open.

How had this whole day turned to shit?

He went into his daughter’s room. You being upset with him and him landing himself a night on the couch were huge setbacks, but he’d be damned if he didn’t tell Bumblebee a good-night story. She loves those. He loves telling them to her.

They have their ritual every time he’s home. She’s usually sitting up against the headboard, wearing a toothy grin. He’d come in and she’d scoot over to the side to let him lie on the bed with her. Some nights they’d doze off together.

When he cracked open the door and peered in, her back faced him and the blue covers were drawn up over her head.

Bucky took a seat on the corner of her twin mattress, feeling how it slightly bowed under his weight. Tater is curled up on the other corner. His head rested on his paws and his eyes dolefully glanced up at Bucky.

“Bumblebee,” he whispered, stroking her head. “Hey, kid. You sleep?”

Silence. He heard her breath quicken. She’s still awake.

“You mad at me too?”

He held his breath. Utter silence.

“Guess I can’t blame ya.” Exhaling slowly, Bucky leaned in and kissed the back of her head. “Sweet dreams, sweetheart. I love you.” Then he got up, turned on her rainbow nightlight, and delicately closed the door.

The family room felt too small. Too still. Too vacant. Trying to sleep on a couch, especially this one, in particular, had to be the worst sleeping arrangement he’s ever experienced, on par with sleeping on dirt floors and metal cots.

A previously recorded football game is playing noiselessly on the TV. All the lights are turned off. The exhaustion Bucky warded off earlier returned in full force. He blanked out by the time the game reached the second quarter.

“Good evening, Sergeant Barnes,” a distant voice lulled. It’s familiar. Accented. It stood nearby, standing right above him. “Or would you prefer Winter Soldier?”

Bucky’s eyes opened as slow as a stream of molasses. His head swam and his body felt out of place. He didn’t know what was up or down, left or right. That wasn’t what shocked him, though. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t even twitch his pinky.

Isn’t he supposed to be in jail? How did he find me? How the hell did he even get in here?

As far as Bucky can tell he’s still in his family room, laying on the couch. The covers around his body have been thrown back. A needle is sticking out of his right arm, connected to a small drip bag.

“Whahh—” he slurred. It took him a while to pull his eyes away from the needle and up to the man looming above him with a gaunt smirk.

God no.

“Oh good, you remember me.” Zemo pulled up a chair and sat right by Bucky’s head. He’s wearing a plain black sweater and dark jeans. “Don’t worry, it isn’t poison. Simply a temporary sedative. The effects will wear off as soon as I take out the needle.”

Bucky tried to scream with everything inside of him. He called your name over and over again, but nothing came out higher than a whimper. Even if you heard him, he doubted if you’d be able to alert the others in time. What if he already got to you? Or Bumblebee? A cold sweat broke out across his forehead.

Zemo watched in amusement at the emotions flitting over Bucky’s face. “You’re a hard man to find, but easy enough to keep track of. Your little band of do-gooders always makes the front page. But you know what those covers don’t show? Hm?”

He held up a picture frame level to Bucky’s eyesight. It was you, him, and Bumblebee, all going down a slide together. Sam took the picture a year ago. You were at the top, holding up your then three-year-old daughter, and Bucky at the bottom. Bumblebee gripped his long strands of hair with a vicious glee in her eyes. Your eyes are closed from laughing and Bucky is looking up at his wife and daughter with a rapt smile.

“You have a lovely family, Sergeant Barnes. Reminds me of mine.” He pulled out a small folded copy of a photograph, creased due to the course of time.

Bucky saw a family, but he didn’t take them in. He didn’t want to care.

Zemo paid him no attention as he stared fondly at the picture, taking them in for himself and then comparing it to Bucky’s family.

“You see, I went about this all wrong the first time around. Taking on the Avengers as a whole resulted from my hubris, if you will. I saw the potential to exploit a weakness and work around the outside. Some might say I instigated the War. No,” he smiled and took the needle out of Bucky’s arm. “I merely set them on the right path.

“Captain Rogers was indeed quite fond of you, but I knew Stark wouldn’t be so disillusioned to your heinous crimes. Though, I admit I may have given him too much credit. A tin man set up to fight against two of the world’s best super soldiers? A failed endeavor, yes, but necessary. It brought me reason. Why influence a whole and almost succeed when I can influence one at a time. Leaves less room for marginal error, don’t you agree, Soldat?”

As the sedative ebbed away, feeling gradually flooded into his fingertips and toes. In a couple of minutes, he’d be free from the immobilizing numbness. He prepared his body to spring.

Zemo pulled one more object from behind his back. A red book. An old, red book with a black star branded on the front.

An icy gust of recognition shot shards of panic through his system. It couldn’t be. He’s fixed. Shuri fixed me.

The man went on in relish. “Of course you recognize your creator’s book. A handy thing, this is. Hydra is many things, Sergeant Barnes. Many things. But one thing they remain to be is prepared.” He thumbed through the pages, stopping to the last several pages. “Two steps ahead and all that stuff.”

Bucky forced out the word, “Why?”’

“Why?” Zemo mocked. “Why is it that an abomination, a murderous machine such as yourself, can have this type of happiness at the end of the day? Doesn’t it strike you as unfair, Sergeant Barnes? Why should you have this beautiful family while mine doesn’t even get an ounce of recognition? No front covers. Not even an obituary. I’m simply taking matters into my own hands and dealing justice where justice is due. And Sergeant Barnes, you have over 70 years of undue justice stacked against you.”

Tears stung Bucky’s eyes. Every inch of his body trembled. His teeth painfully chattered. He felt his lips move. “No, please. No, no, no, no, no. God no. I can’t. I can’t.” Not to them.

“This is the way it has to be, Sergeant Barnes. I truly am sorry.” Zemo rose from the chair, walking around to the back of the couch. “Возвращение (Return).”

Bucky’s whole body drowned in a cold sweat and the blood drained from his face. Those bastards! Those goddamn fucking bastards! He pushed off the couch on jelly legs, falling in a heap of blankets.

“сброс настроек (Reset).”

Anger propelled him to his feet and he staggered drunkenly around the couch, standing arms-length away from Zemo. Only a few feet stood between him and the front door.

“не помнить. Добро пожаловать назад зимний солдат (Forget. Welcome back Winter Soldier).”

Zemo closely watched the man standing rigid in his sweats, chest heaving. Bits of his hair is in his face and one blanket is caught around his ankle. He heard the harsh grinding of his metal palm curling into a fist. The asset’s face smoothed over into a mask of stiff submission and indifference.

“Ready to comply.” Mechanical, detached, lethal.

“Terminate everyone inside the house.” With those final words, Zemo withdrew from the house, exiting out of the front door. It slammed shut.

You weren’t really asleep.

Even trying felt like a waste of time. The king-size bed swallowed you with its vast amount of unfilled space. Sleeping in an empty bed was hard enough not knowing where Bucky was. Turns out it’s even worse when he was just outside the door and down the hall, sleeping on an uncomfortable couch.

You knew that he knew the door wasn’t locked.

Relief and an inkling of regret settled your nerves thirty minutes after you closed the door. He wasn’t going to come in. He was giving you space.

Is it wrong to want Bucky laying here with you, even though your heart wasn’t ready to face him? Maybe you’re being ridiculous. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s an amazing father to Bumblebee. He’s an amazing husband. Work doesn’t consume him and if it does start to become an obstacle in your marriage, Bucky’s quick to rectify the problem.

You inched over onto his side of the bed and buried your face in his pillow, taking in his heady scent. Were you too hard on him? Were you irrational? Bucky can’t help who he is.

He’s your daughter’s hero.

He’s yours too.

At 2 a.m. you fretfully turned back over to your side of the bed when you heard one of the doors slam shut, ringing out like a shotgun

You’re on your feet and rushing out without a single thought of caution to stall you. Bucky is out there. So is your Bumblebee.

Bucky stood in the middle of the room. Blankets are strewn around and one of them wrapped around his ankle.

“Are you alright? What happened?”

His head swiveled up at the sound of your voice. Empty, calculating eyes snapped to yours.

Something’s wrong.

You tripped back a little, finding your balance against a wall. Fear mounted in your chest. “B-Bucky?”

No reaction.

“Buc—"

In an instant he advanced towards you, stepping out of the blanket as if it was never there. A scream caught halfway in your throat as metal coiled around your neck. Squeezing. Squeezing. Squeezing.

Black pinpoints and stars shaded your vision. He watched you splutter. You’re sure he didn’t feel your nails clawing at his shoulder.

None of the things Bucky taught you about self-defense came to mind. You couldn’t think, but you had to act. Instinctively, you kicked out. One kick landed dead in his hard abdomen. It felt like kicking at a boulder. He coughed out a surprised grunt and his grip slackened. You aimed another kick at his crotch, dead on the center, and the hand around your neck loosened enough to send you scrambling on the ground.

Your lungs scorched. Your palms and knees ached from landing unceremoniously on the hardwood flooring. By the time you began to crawl away, it was too late.

Bucky regained himself quicker than humanly possible. His hot flesh hand snagged your ankle in a bruising grip and yanked you back.

You cried out, hoarsely. “Bucky stop!”

He paid you no attention. Almost didn’t seem to hear you at all.

His hair fell into his face, darkening the mask that slid into place. He barely struggled to pull you underneath him. Strong, thick thighs caged your lower half to halt your flailing legs as he straddled your hips.

The pressure instantly returned. Both hands crushed your windpipe. His fingers dug into your skin. The wedding band fitted on his flesh hand bit deeper than the metal of his cybernetic hand.

In a last-ditch effort, your fingernails impaled his forearm, breaking the skin. Five half-moon crescents beaded up and trickled in lines of scarlet red, slicking along his arm and on your fingertips.

He never flinched.

Tears streamed out the corners of your eyes.

Darkness bled into your vision, starting at the corners and then filling in the rest as the seconds ticked by. Each beat of your heart painfully thudded in your chest, each thump clunking slower and slower. More spaced out.

Numbness spread until you resigned to it.

Your lids slid shut. You didn’t want those eyes to be the last thing you saw. Those arctic blue, barren eyes. Not Bucky’s eyes.

Whack! Whack! Whack!

“Stop it, Daddy! Stop it! Get off of Mama!”

You wrenched your eyes back open in time to see your daughter smacking her father over the head with her rainbow nightlight.

Hope and absolute dread wracked your body as Bucky unclasped his hands and turned to look at the small girl standing her ground behind him, nightlight half-raised in the air for another strike. Tater is in front of her, barking viciously at Bucky.

“Run!” The word tore itself out your mangled throat. “Run!”

Bumblebee watched in horror as Bucky rose to a towering height, and she let out an earsplitting scream as he ripped the light away from her, then gripped the front of her Avengers pajama shirt, lifting her into the air.

“BUCKY NO!”

Past the rush of oxygen flowing back into your lungs and the thunderous beats of your heart, you heard terrified crying.

Your baby.

Wailing. Scared.

For a second, you’re back at the skating rink and your eyes land on Bucky, sitting on the ice, cradling her to his chest. Nothing else mattered.

Bucky frowned.

The first sign of emotion flickered over his features since you came out of the room.

Confusion.

You saw his eyes drop to the ground, saw him shake his head. Then he looked at the girl in his hold.

Recognition.

Grief.

Fear.

Horror.

Agony.

Bucky trembled, slowly and shakily lowering Bumblebee back onto her feet. She skittered around him, putting as much space between them as possible, and stumbled to your side. Tater is still growling at him.

You watched his eyes reluctantly settle on your body, watched his face crumble.

Bucky choked out. “I’m sorry.” He took a step back. He looked at his arms and saw the indents of your fingernails. Saw the imprint of his hands around your neck. Took another step back. “I…I…I didn’t—”

He turned and ran out of the house.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x you #dad!bucky #bucky barnes x reader #post endgame #baron zemo #bucky barnes angst #winter soldier

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something-tofightfor · 5 years

Text

Ransom - four

Pairing: Logan Delos x Reader (Ink AU)

Word Count: 8315

Rating: NSFW (language, aftermath of physical abuse of a female)

Author’s Note: Thanks to everyone that’s read this one. This part of the story may be over, but there’s a lot more to come for these two.

Summary: Your healing begins, and you and Logan have a lot of things to talk about...but are you wanting to talk about the same things?

There was a knock on your door before it opened, and you watched as Logan stepped inside, a small container in one hand. You felt relief when you saw him, and though he walked slowly over to you, you saw the look in his eyes bordered between fear and hope. What’s he waiting for? You hurt - the truth was that you ached all over, even with the medication, and the doctor told you that that would likely be the case for at least a few weeks, along with the pain that you felt from your sunburn, which wouldn’t last for more than a few days. But it wasn’t the pain from your ordeal that was making your chest hurt - it was the way Logan was looking at you, and what you didn’t see in his eyes. What happened? “Did you bring me a -” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a single spoon that was wrapped in plastic, and you smiled, at least as much as you could. Of course you did. “Thanks.” You reached out with the hand that wasn’t in the sling and he pulled the top off of the container before he handed it to you, unwrapping the spoon and sticking it into the ice cream. Shit, this is going to be complicated. Logan sat, watching your movements, but didn’t offer to help - and you were grateful for it.

You could move the arm in the brace, but it was painful, and so you transferred the container to that hand, using the other one to dig the spoon in, bringing it to your lips and then swallowing. That’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. You ate a few bites and then motioned for Logan to take it from you. “Done?” You nodded, not wanting to make yourself sick, and he took it from you. “I’ll find a fr-”

“No, Logan. Eat it.” You used your legs to shift upward, sitting straight up on the bed and pulling your shoulders away from the blankets behind you as he ate. Time to tell him. “I’m leaving tonight.” He froze with the spoon halfway to his mouth, furrowing his brow.

“What?” You licked your lips, sighing. Don’t be difficult about this, Logan.

“I’m leaving this room tonight, I don’t want to be here anymore.” Logan shook his head but you continued. “I talked to the doctor while you were gone, and you can too, but they…” Shrugging your shoulders, you watched as he put the container down, leaning in. “He asked if I wanted to stay or go, and said as long as I let them do one more fluid infusion and talked to the police, I can leave. It’s been two days, and aside from the sunburn, it’s all…” You shrugged. “It is what it -”

“Don’t do that.” Logan shook his head, an angry edge to his voice. “Don’t trivialize this, he could have… you almost…”

“Yes, Logan. I almost died. Your brother in law had me abducted, dragged me across Westworld, abused me for two days and then stabbed me on the beach.” You gave him a thin lipped smile. “I could have died.” His lips parted, confusion overtaking the wariness in his eyes. “But I didn’t.” You reached toward him, your fingertips finding his chest. “Because you came for me.” Because you… Logan was quiet for a long time, and you almost wanted to laugh. You’d rarely seen him speechless, never seen him unable to respond to something he was presented with. There’s a first time for everything. “They’ve got him, right? Somewhere here, in a cell?” Logan nodded - only once. “And you told them what he did? What you…”

“Yes. They can check the logs of the Hosts that I interacted with, the logs of the ones you were with, too. They’ll see… what he did to you, and if they aren’t able to see it, they can hear it. He’s not going to get away with it, especially if you can… coherently tell them what he did to you.” You closed your eyes and thought back to the previous few days, the heat from the sun, the way the blood felt oozing from your skin, the way he’d pulled you off of the horse and put his hands on you. I can do that. But I don’t want to think about it now.

“The doctor’s coming back later with some sort of… medicated lotion? I don’t know exactly, but he said it would help the sunburn, decrease the chance of scarring from the blisters.” You swallowed. “My shoulders and nose are… not good, but he said…”

“How are you so calm?” Logan reached up, pulling your hand away from his chest and settling it back on your lap, his fingers running over your wrist. “How are you…”

“What good is being hysterical going to do? I can’t change what happened. I can’t change what he did. I can’t… take back any of it, or ignore it, or pretend that I…” You closed your eyes. “I just want to be in a real bed, Logan, with real sheets, with…” You stopped yourself, still thinking of the look in his eyes. With you. “I want to deal with this in a place that isn’t filled with people, and if Juliet’s here with the jet, I’m sure you’ll go back with her when -”

“You think I’m leaving you here?” He finally sounded like Logan again and you opened your eyes and looked up, finding that he was staring at you in disbelief. “I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me anymore, but you’re flying home on that jet, and when we get back to Los Angeles, you’ve got the Delos legal team waiting, and…”

“What?” It felt like another punch to the gut - except it hurt more than the one William had landed, and you moved without thinking about how much it would hurt, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and trying to get closer to Logan. “Nothing to do with you? What are you -” He stuck both hands out but stopped short of touching you and then he groaned in frustration, curling his fingers into his palms.

“Lay down, you’re going to -”

“No, Logan.” Upset, you sighed, wishing that you could use the braced arm to push yourself forward. This recovery is going to be a nightmare. “Why wouldn’t I want anything to do with you?”

“He did this to you because of me. You’re in this bed because of me, and…” He reached up, swiping a hand through his hair and then met your eyes. “I wanted to be sure that I had what I needed to get him out of Delos, but I knew that he was capable of…”

“And that makes this your fault?” Jesus, Logan, he did the same thing to you, you know that you can’t… “There was no way to stop this, Logan, no way to… he did what he did to you because of something you did to him, why would he hurt me? You had no reason to think I was in…”

“If I’d worked faster, he would already be -”

“Stop.” You shook your head. “I’m not having this conversation with you in a hospital room, Logan.” Your hands were still joined on your lap, you saw as you looked down. “Can we just…” You lifted the arm in the sling as best as you could, pressing your palm to your face and gritting your teeth at the pain. “I have to talk to the security team and the police before I go, but until we can leave… I want to be back in our room, Logan. With you.” He needs to hear it. “Please.” He didn’t answer you right away, but when he did, Logan didn’t speak, instead using the hand that wasn’t holding yours to tilt your chin up, his face close. “L-”

“I don’t ever want to let you out of my sight again.” His words sure, Logan shook his head, not breaking eye contact. “I…” He stopped himself, nose twitching slightly and then leaned in, lips landing against yours gently. What is he…

“Logan I haven’t brushed my teeth in -”

“I don’t care.” He kissed you again and then pulled back, thumb rubbing against your lips. “At all.”

---

A few hours later, you’d walked out of the hospital room with him, slightly unsteady on your feet, but Logan’s arm wound gently around your back, careful not to move your shoulder too much or put pressure on your ribs. You’d refused his help with getting dressed, but Logan stayed in your room as you changed from the hospital gown into some of the clothing you’d brought with you to the Mesa with the help of a nurse, biting down on the inside of his cheek as you shrugged out of the thin material. Your stomach and sides were covered in bruises, the bandage that covered the staples small and tidily affixed to your skin, but it was your shoulders that were the worst, also completely covered in bandages, despite the application of the gel that you’d told him about. He hadn’t seen anything but your face up close, but he knew that things were bad. How could anyone do that to another person? He stayed put as the nurse helped you into the bathroom, and when you came out a few minutes later, your hair was brushed and loosely braided, your chapped lips covered in a pale balm. She looks better.

But Logan knew all too well what William was capable of, knew that you’d been lucky, at least in that he’d never left you alone, never stripped you and sent you off to roast in the sun for days. You were still somewhat coherent when you’d been found, but that meant that you’d felt everything, had known exactly what was happening to you. I didn’t. I didn’t even know who I was, but she…

No one said anything to you as the two of you made your way down the hallway and toward the lobby - and then the elevators - but Logan knew it was likely because he was with you. Good. You leaned against him in the elevator, but neither of you spoke until you were safely behind the closed door of your suite, the temperature set to be almost as cool as possible, courtesy of an app on his phone. “Did you…” He watched as you made your way through the room, slightly steadier on your feet. “It’s so cold.”

“When I got back to Los Angeles after…” He followed you, staying a few steps behind. “Even after I was released from the hospital, all I wanted was cold, I just thought…”

“No, it’s… it feels good, Logan, my face still feels like it’s on fire, I…” You stopped in front of the mirror for the first time and he watched your eyes widen and then fill with tears. “Logan, I look… Jesus, I look…” You reached up, fingers prodding at the bruises and Logan could do nothing but watch, heart pounding. “People must think…”

“They don’t think shit, and if they do, it doesn’t matter.” He stepped behind you, watching you in the mirror. “You’re not a Host, they can’t just…”

“They can’t rebuild me.” You leaned forward, shoulders hunched. “That’s what he said to me, too, that after what he was going to do to me, they couldn’t rebuild me.” That sick fuck, I can’t… “He … how did he hide it, Logan? How did…” You were crying again, the tears rolling down your cheeks. “I shouldn’t have been so excited to play the stupid narrative, I would have seen it sooner, I would have…”

“Look, I know…” Logan tentatively put his hands on your hips from behind, stepping closer and tilting his face down to press his lips against the side of your head. “You’re going to blame yourself, you’re going to wonder what you could have done differently.” He closed his eyes, inhaling, and felt you lean back into him, weight settling against his chest. “I did the same thing, tried to put it all together, tried to rationalize it, but there’s no… there’s no way to explain why he did it, except that he’s…” Determined to get back at me because of what he thinks I did to him. “Unhinged.” Logan opened his eyes, meeting yours in the mirror. “But he won’t hurt you again.”

“He won’t hurt anyone again, Logan. Not you, not me, not Juliet, not even the Hosts.” You turned, looking up at him. “He told me what he’s done to them, what he does to her when she doesn’t remember him, and it’s…” You shook your head. “But you remember, Logan. And so do I.” You reached up, settling your forearm against his shoulder, fingers moving against his beard. “And they didn’t believe you then, but they will now.” What?

“This isn’t about me, it’s not… you just, you need to…” She’s right, though, but it took…

“It’s all about you, Logan.” You shook your head. “Don’t you get it? I heard him tell you that it would have been easier if you’d died. But you didn’t. And all he talked about was how you ruined his life, you turned him into…” You stopped, swallowing. “He took me… hurt me because he thought it would hurt you worse than…” The room was silent, except for the sound of the air conditioner, but Logan could hear his heart pounding as much as he could feel it. This isn’t how I wanted to…

“It did.” Logan carefully cupped your uninjured cheek in his palm, wetting his lips. “What he did to me, what it… what happened to me after?” He shook his head. “None of it was… I was so scared when I realized you were gone, and then when I knew William had you?” Here we go. “I was fucking terrified. All I could think about was… I needed to get you back, needed to know you were OK.” He lowered his head, the hand on your hip unconsciously tightening. “I told you I’d find you, and I…” Logan’s fingers tucked hair behind your ear as he looked back up, and he took in every detail of your face - the light in your eyes, the curve of your lips; the way, even though the bridge of your nose and forehead were sunburned, the skin of your cheek and temple bruised black and blue, you were still stunning to him. “It’s because I love you.”

He felt his chest expand as soon as the words were out, and Logan knew - without a doubt - that he meant them. “You what?” Your voice was quiet, eyes going wide. “You lov… what?” He watched your reaction, watched as you began to collapse, your legs giving out. Shit. He caught you as gently as he could, lowering you to the ground and sinking down to his knees with you as you hissed in pain. “Logan, you…”

“I do. And…” He held you against his body, one hand gripping your thigh and the other holding you beneath your injured shoulder, his chest supporting you as much as he could. “And for a couple days, I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to tell you.” You were quiet, and Logan drew in a deep breath, shaking his head. “And that hurt worse than anything he could ever physically do to me.” It was true, and though Logan didn’t know what he’d expected your response to be to his declaration, he hadn’t expected total silence. At least I told her.

“I know you do.” Surprised, he looked down at you, feeling as you shifted against him, sitting up straighter with a wince. What? “I know you love me, Logan Delos.” He saw a hint of a smile on your lips and a faint spark of light in your eyes, and he furrowed his brow, waiting. “I heard you say it on the beach, when you were…” You shook your head. “I heard you but I didn’t know if I was imagining it…” Ruined that too, I guess. “Don’t say it just because you feel guilty about…” You gestured to yourself. “This.”

“When’s the last time I said something because I felt guilty?” You paused, but Logan didn’t give you a chance to speak. “Especially something like that, hmm?” You opened your mouth but he cut you off again. “I’ll tell you. Never.” Logan took a deep breath. “Might not matter anymore, because how could you feel…” He shook his head. “Look, I’m taking care of your medical bills, and your legal fees are covered, too. You need treatment, therapy, whatever you want, it’s done. This happened because of me, and you don’t need to see m-”

“I love you too, Logan.” There was no hesitation in your words, no doubt - but they still sounded out of place to him after what you’d just assumed of him. “And I’ll take the support, but I’d much rather have you.” That’s a little better, but... “What happened to me wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t mine, either.” You leaned in and Logan felt your nose brush against his cheek. “It was his, Logan. Now. Then. It always will be, and -” He turned his head and kissed you, trying to be mindful of the pain you were in, but Logan couldn’t help lifting the hand from your leg and tangling his fingers in your hair, holding you to him. She loves me? But as you gently dragged your tongue along his lips and Logan parted them for you in response, he realized that you were right. It’s not our fault. And they’ll believe me now, because they’ll believe her. He felt your fingers closing against the material of his shirt over his stomach - not as forcefully as they usually did, your other arm up and over his shoulder, and he pressed his palm against your lower back, happy that his touch there hadn’t caused you to react with pain. At least I can touch her somewhere.

“Let’s get you off the floor.” Logan murmured the words against your lips and you nodded, but before you could attempt to move away from him, he pulled the hand from your hair and slid it beneath your knees, picking you up as he stood. “I can carry you if -”

“No, let me walk.” Alright. He leaned down, letting your legs slowly lower back to the ground and giving you a chance to balance before he released you from his hold. He waited to see what you’d do, but instead of turning and heading back to the bed, you watched him, eyes on his face. “Logan, I…” You swallowed, stepping closer and turning your head to press your cheek against his chest, the arm in the brace rising to lay against his back. “Please, I need to…” What does she… “I don’t care how much it hurts, I …” He lifted a hand to cradle the back of your head and you nodded, whispering his name again. She wants me to…? Logan carefully circled his arm around your waist, guiding you closer to him so that you were pressed against his body, no space left between you.

He felt your fingers against his back, tightening against his skin and then you were crying again, body shaking as he held you. He knew the feeling well. After his own ordeal, when he’d left the hospital, he’d spent a solid two weeks at home by himself, trying to deal with the pain of recovery and the sting of no one believing him, he’d cried often, something that he wouldn’t admit to anyone but you. Logan took a deep breath and laid his cheek against the crown of your head, closing his eyes. You’d be out of work for weeks at least, and although your arm would be able to be out of the sling for your shoulder in a few days, your elbow would take longer to heal. And her ribs, she’s… “Stay with me.” He spoke without lifting his head, talking loudly enough that you heard him over your tears. “When we get back, I mean.” You froze, but didn’t move, and so Logan continued. If there was ever a time to press my luck, it’s now. “You shouldn’t be alone, not while you’re…” You stepped back and Logan let you go, straightening up. “You can’t lift your arm yet, can’t bend the other one, your ribs are going to hurt like a bitch for weeks, and…” He swallowed. Honesty. “I’ll lay awake at night thinking about something happening to those staples in your stomach.”

“You were alone.” He reached up, again wiping beneath your eyes and nodding. “And no one -”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be.” The pad of his thumb slid over your bruised cheek, but you leaned into his touch instead of away from it. “I can work from home, and -”

“What am I going to do, Logan?” Your eyes widened suddenly. “My job, I need to -” He shook his head back and forth. You don’t need to worry about this now, you don’t… “I have to work, and I don’t know…”

“Stop.” Not unkindly, he interjected, hand still on your cheek. “When you’re ready to go back, you have a job.” You opened your mouth but Logan pressed two fingers to your lips, staring at you. “You do. If you want it.” He watched the look in your eyes change as you reacted to his words. You might not want to go back, and we’ll deal with that, too. “Let me take care of you.” The weight of his words hung in the air between you, and you closed your eyes, Logan’s hand moving to the side of your neck, where he noticed faint bruising. What the fuck, how did I miss that?

“I can’t do anything for you, Logan.” You stared up at him again, and for long moments, he didn’t understand what you meant. Do anything? “I can barely move, there’s no way I can -” She means…

“Are you kidding me right now?” The words came out with an edge and he watched you wince. Shit. “I’m sorry, but…” Logan’s hand skimmed up your back and to your shoulder, fingers resting against the side of your body that wasn’t in the sling. “That’s the last thing on my mind, you need to…” He swore, putting slight pressure on the bandages atop your skin before realizing what he was doing. “That’s not what this is about. I just want to see you get better, everything else comes later.”

“Careful. That doesn’t sound very much like the Logan Delos -” He laughed, finally feeling the mood in the room change as you made a legitimate joke, and Logan pulled you back to him, holding you as tightly as he dared. “I’ll stay with you, Logan, if that’s what you really want, I …”

“Yes. That’s what I want.” He glanced past you, seeing that the sun was setting over the desert, and Logan sighed. “Are you hungry, I know they gave you…”

“I could eat.” You pulled yourself out of Logan’s arms before you walked to the bed and he was happy to see that you were steadier on your feet than you had been previously. Watching you sit down slowly, Logan actually grinned. She’s going to be alright. “But I really want a shower, Logan, I feel like I’m still covered in…” Yeah, I know that feeling all too well. “I should have asked before I left the hospital, they could have…”

“I’ll help you.” He followed you to the bed, sitting next to you after he reached into the side table and pulled out the room service menu. “Order what you want, and then after we eat, we’ll take a shower.”

---

You wanted nothing more than to order everything on the menu, but you also knew that your stomach wouldn’t tolerate it, so you stuck to breakfast, even though it was getting dark out. While waiting for it to arrive, you laid back on the sheets, closing your eyes and turning your head to the side to bury your face against the pillow’s cool surface Though you’d slept for the majority of your stay in the medical wing, you were exhausted - and finally comfortable. Dozing off without realizing it, you woke to Logan saying your name and the smell of food. Oh. He helped you sit, but rather than moving you to the table, Logan wheeled the tray in front of you, swinging it over the bed so that you had easier access to it. “I know,” he said, biting down on his lower lip. “That you won’t ask me for help, but if you need it, I -”

“Thank you.” You swallowed, reaching for the fork with one hand and using it to cut into your food, concentrating on bringing it to your mouth. One bite at a time. When it was apparent that you’d be able to feed yourself, Logan started eating, too, sitting next to you on the bed. That burger smells amazing. As you ate, you thought about a lot of things, but the one that stood out in your mind was Logan telling you that he loved you - and you repeating it back to him. Of all the ways you’d imagined admitting how you felt to him, the scenario you found yourself in hadn’t even registered in your mind. But it’s out there now, and we both…

You loved him probably more than you’d ever be able to tell him, but the words still hadn’t come out easily, and the guilt you’d accused him of having didn’t sit well with you, because you knew it wasn’t true. But why would he love me? You chewed through a piece of toast, eyes on the tray in front of you. Being with Logan and believing that he loved you were two separate things; or at least they had been. Not anymore. You’d never given up hope that he’d get to you - not even as William had yanked you off the back of your horse the final time, wrenching your shoulder out of its socket as you’d fallen to the ground, your wrist still held between his fingers. Your throat was sore from him throttling you, and as Tanner had taken over, dragging you across the sand to the water’s edge, you’d still hoped that some way, somehow Logan would find you, coming in at the last second and figuring out how to fix things. But we waited for hours.

William hadn’t spoken to you aside from telling you that he’d wait as long as it took, and as your body became more and more exhausted, the sound of the waves taunting you as you reached the two and a half days without water mark, you’d slipped in and out of awareness, Tanner taking pity on you as he held you up, otherwise frozen in place by William’s quiet command. But he came. He saved me. Realizing that Logan was right in front of you had changed everything, giving you the will to try and fight, to push away from William, and though you wouldn’t ever tell him, Logan’s shove had been what caused you to fall on the knife, driving it deeper into your stomach. Even though you’d only been vaguely aware of what was happening, you remembered pulling it from your skin before falling face down on the sand, your only thought that Logan would still find a way to get you somewhere safe. He did. At some point, you’d ask Logan how he’d managed to rescue you, but there was no rush, especially if you’d be living with him. Living with him? Who would have thought? “You done?”

Looking up, you saw that Logan was watching you, concern in his eyes. “Yeah, I can’t eat anything else.” You’d finished more than half of your food, but the thought of the clean water was even more appealing to you. “You don’t have to help me, Logan, I can -”

“Don’t.” He was already standing, pulling the tray away and when you got to your feet, he put his hand against your back again - not to offer support, but to tell you that he was there. “Don’t pretend you don’t need me.” Fine.

A few minutes later, he’d started the water, closing the bathroom door behind you to contain the warmth in the room, and was patiently watching as you undressed. Removing your pants had been no issue, but you were having a problem with your shirt, even though it had seemed simple when the nurse did it, guiding your arms through the sleeves of the thin hoodie. Fuck this. “Logan, can you help me?” He nodded, stepping forward. “I just need -”

“I’ve got you, OK?” He tilted your chin up, looking into your eyes. “It’s just us. No pretending. I’m right here.” Nodding and then averting your eyes, you waited while he removed the sling from your arm, using one hand to stabilize your shoulder after unbending it slowly, easing the sleeve of your hoodie down over it. He removed the strap of your tank top, too, before replacing the sling and settling your arm back in, moving to the other side. With that one, he wasn’t as careful, removing the top layer in one motion, following it by sliding the strap down, too, but leaving your chest covered. “You doin’ alright?” You nodded, still not meeting his eyes, and Logan leaned in to kiss you, his lips catching the corner of your mouth. No, this is embarrassing. “Just gotta get this off, and we can get in.” He made quick work of your tank top and underwear, and then met your eyes again. “Gotta pull these bandages off your shoulders, doc said…” Yeah, I know. He carefully peeled the gauze away, and then you were totally bare, standing naked in front of him, something that you’d done countless times before - yet this time, you were anxious.

“Don’t look at me, Logan, it’s…” He took his clothes off quickly, leaving his underwear on, and then led you into the walk-in shower, pulling the glass door closed behind you, but didn’t say anything. The spray of the water hitting your skin felt incredible, and without telling him to, he’d adjusted the water to the warm side of room temperature. I would have turned it up as hot as it gets, and that would have been… Closing your eyes, you let the water run down your body, breathing as deeply as was possible without pain, but before you could even reach for the soap, Logan’s hands were on you, gently using a hand towel to clean your back.

“I’m gonna start here.” He spoke quietly and you nodded, even though you kept your eyes closed. “Tell me if it hurts.” It all hurts, Logan. He took his time on you, long fingers and low tone coaxing you to adjust your stance every few minutes as he moved to a new area. Everywhere he touched you, you felt Logan working to undo the pain William had inflicted on your body over the previous days. While you knew he cared, knew that he loved you, you’d never felt Logan’s touch so gentle before, and it left you off balance in the best way possible. There was nothing sexual about the way he was touching you, but you felt it all the same; the way he worked carefully on the parts of you that were hurt the worst - replacing the towel he’d used on your back and sides with his hands as he got to your shoulders, leaning down to kiss the sides of your neck where William’s thumbs had left their mark. I never thought… “Sit down.”

Opening your eyes, you watched him nod, the small smile on his lips betrayed by the pained look in his eyes, but you sat nonetheless, leaning back and allowing the wall to support your upper body’s weight. “Logan, what -” He knelt in front of you, picking the towel up again and went to work on your legs, eyes focused on the skin in front of him and nothing else. This has to be… The water rained down on you, even as you sat on the small ledge, and you watched as it soaked Logan, the drops running down the planes of his tanned face. “Hey.” He glanced up and you held his gaze, biting on your lower lip. “Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to do this myself.” You watched as Logan swallowed, one hand beneath your injured knee, the other one holding the towel and poised against the top of your thigh. “You don’t -”

“You don’t need to thank me.” He licked his lips, taking a deep breath. “The burns on my body were... not worse than yours, but they were all over, and I had to learn…” He lowered his head and then raised it back up, squaring his shoulders. “This isn’t just a sunburn from the pool, and it’s not pity either. I know what it’s like, and I want to do this for you.” You don’t need to explain. His lips twitched as he tried to smile and then he looked down again, finishing with your first leg before he moved to the other, less gentle with that one but still careful. “Can you stand again? I need to get your…” You reached out to him with the arm that was in the brace and Logan pulled you to your feet after gripping your bicep gently. “Chest and stomach and then I’ll wash your hair, alright?” He’s going to wash my… With a single nod, he started soaping your chest up, foregoing the towel again to use his hands, carefully working from the top down, not lingering in any one place. It felt right to have his hands back on you, and you realized, as he reached your breasts, that Logan needed the contact as much as you did - simply because he needed the reassurance that you were right there in front of him, alive and breathing, though injured. His hands moved lower and you looked down to watch him, but were unprepared for the quiet sob you heard as his fingertips moved over your bruised and bandaged abdomen. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

---

He’d held it together until you turned to face him, allowing him to work on the front of your body. Though your shoulders and upper back had been badly burned, any bruising there had been hidden by the ink that covered your skin, the familiar lines soothing him as he cleaned you. Even your legs hadn’t been that bad; they weren’t burned, and while you had the bandage on one knee and some blisters on your feet, it wasn’t until you stood again that he got the full impact of the worst of your injuries. The bandage on your stomach had been changed to a clear, waterproof one, and Logan could see the wound through it - raised, red and still angry looking, especially with the staples glinting against your skin. That fucker. “Hey.” You finally spoke, drawing his attention. “It’s done, Logan, you can’t change it, it… it’ll heal.” You were smiling at him, the expression small but genuine. “”They told me that the staples don’t need to be removed, that Delos developed a special…”

“Yeah.” He swallowed hard, nodding. “All our medical stuff is really advanced, they probably could have given you an injection to heal everything faster, but you couldn’t consent to it, so they stuck to the regular treatment. The staples are …” He moved his fingers in slow circles, careful not to press hard against your ribs. “They were a compromise, because it’s all they use.” And they’re the best option. “As soon as the recovery team got to us, I knew you were going to be…”

“No.” You reached out to him, fingers finding his arm, right above the elbow. “As soon as you got there, Logan, I knew it was going to be alright.” What? But I… “You said you were gonna save me, and you did.” Logan had done a lot of things in his life, but he’d never felt the way he did about doing something like he did when it came to finding and getting to you - and hearing you say it. “I’m going to be OK, Logan.” You tightened your hold on his arm. “And it’s because of you.” No it’s not.

“But it’s my -”

“We’re not doing this, Delos.” You stepped closer, and Logan stopped washing your skin, instead resting his hands on your hips. No, she can’t get closer, this isn’t… I can’t let… “It’s not your fault, and I won’t let you think it is.” You rose onto your toes to kiss him on the mouth, but you didn’t linger. “Now.” You trailed your fingers up his arm, stopping at his elbow. “You said you were going to wash my hair.” She isn’t going to let me get lost in this. He laughed but nodded, and Logan motioned for you to turn away again, urging you forward and more directly underneath the spray of the showerhead, reaching for he bottle of shampoo that you’d used the night you’d first arrived. He took the rubber band from the end of your braid, running his fingers through your hair to loosen it and let the water do its job, soaking it through and then squeezed a healthy amount of the fragrant gel onto his hands. Taking a deep breath, Logan began working it into your hair, starting with your scalp. Carefully, because he knew that that was likely sunburned too, Logan massaged your head, each quiet sigh of pleasure hitting him right in the chest. Those sounds. I can’t believe…

“Turn around.” You did, facing him again and Logan stepped closer, exhaling as you leaned forward, placing your forehead on his chest as he used his hands to help rinse the shampoo from your hair. You kissed his chest, lips moving over his wet skin in thanks, and Logan wrapped one arm around your waist, the other hand flattening against the back of your head and holding it against him. I don’t know who needs this more. “One more thing and then we can get out.” He kissed the top of your head, reluctant to let you go, but knowing that you likely needed to sit, and reached for the second bottle.

You turned away from him for a second time, and by the time Logan had finished with you hair, he saw that you were slightly unsteady on your feet again. “I’m gonna sit, Logan, I -” Sit? We’re done. He tilted his head in confusion but you actually winked at him, gesturing with the hand in the sling at his toiletries. “You’ve gotta shower too, Delos.” You glanced down. “And that means taking those off.”

“No, I can’t, we -” You laughed and though it was more subdued than usual, he was glad to hear the sound.

“Logan, I’m dehydrated and injured, not blind.” It was his turn to laugh but Logan complied with your direction, waiting until you’d re-seated yourself on the bench to slide his soaked underwear down his legs, kicking them off to the side. She’s right. He felt you watching him as he grabbed the loofah and soaped up his body, using one hand to balance himself against the wall as he worked on each leg. He glanced at you as he moved, and Logan was happy to see that even though you still looked tired, you were still looking at him with desire written all over your face. She still… “Don’t forget your hair.” You leaned back, raising an eyebrow and Logan raised his arms, scrubbing at his scalp with long fingers and closing his eyes as the water ran down his chest.

He felt better as he shut the water off, reaching for the door and pushing it open. “Let me get a towel for you, and…” He stepped out and grabbed one of the folded towels from the counter, wrapping it around his waist and running his hands through his hair before picking up a second and turning back to you. “What -” You’d pushed to your feet and stepped toward him, a determined look on your face. “Be careful, you…”

“I need to do this, Logan.” Meeting his eyes, you stopped as you exited the glass enclosure, head shaking back and forth. “I’m happy to have you help me, but I can’t let you do everything.” You lifted your elbow slightly, sighing. “Help me dry off, and then I want to take this sling off for a while, I don’t need it if I’m just sitting. He worked quickly, using the towel to dry your skin and then carefully squeezed your hair out the way he’d seen you do it countless times before. “Let it air dry, Logan. No one’s going to see me until we leave, whenever that is, and… it doesn’t matter.” He heard defeat creeping into your voice again and was determined to stop it from worsening.

“Let me go get you another pair of pants, I’ll be right back.” He stepped out of the small room and hurried to your suitcase, digging through it and finding nothing suitable for sleep. Why the fuck do we only sleep naked? He looked around and then remembered that he’d changed into a fresh pair of sweats earlier in the medical wing. Those will work. He grabbed the robe that was hanging on the outside of the bathroom door and stepped back in, your name on the tip of his tongue, but stopped speaking immediately. Oh no.

You were standing in front of the mirror in the bright lights of the bathroom, still totally nude, and you were staring at your reflection, your head turned to the side. “I didn’t …” You swallowed, leaning in and bringing your fingertips up slowly to touch your cheek. “I didn’t know it was this bad, the bathroom downstairs wasn’t…” He stepped closer to you, unsure of what to say, and Logan knew, in that moment, that he’d do whatever it took to make sure that William never forgot what he’d done to you, paying for it every day for the rest of his life. He doesn’t get to make her feel this way. “They took pictures, didn’t they.” You met his eyes in the mirror and Logan nodded, wincing. “And people will see them during the…”

“Yes.” He took his place next to you, looking down as you continued to stare at yourself in the glass. “They’re evidence, and your lawyers will need them to prove that…” Logan closed his eyes. “That he did what he did.” You nodded, and Logan saw the tears gathering in your eyes again, but also noticed the way you seemed to be determined not to let them fall. She doesn’t need to hold back. “And it’s bad, yes.” Logan leaned down, kissing the top of your shoulder and feeling the heat of your skin against his lips. “But it’s so much better than it was when I found you.” He moved his lips, glancing at the mirror and seeing that you were watching him instead of yourself. Good. “Blisters are going down, and there are…” He sighed, fingers trailing down over the back of your shoulder, mouth pressed gently against your collarbone. “There are already places where I can see the skin peeling, which means it’s healing.”

Your shocked gasp was a welcome surprise and Logan took the opportunity to put his hands on your hips, turning you to face him. “Are you serious?” He nodded, standing up straight, and circled his thumbs over your skin, waiting. “But it’s only been…”

“Couple days, yeah.” Logan felt himself smiling. “That gel? The bandages? More Delos. We can do a lot superficially. I was shocked too.” He swallowed, raising one hand to your cheek. “Not about you, but with me… and even though I was much more out of it when they found me, and when I woke up?” Logan paused, thinking. “It was like magic, and we’ve learned so much since then.” He kissed his way across your chest and over to the injured shoulder, wrinkling his nose as he laid his lips there, too. I wish I could fix this. “So it’s bad, yeah.” He straightened up, looking straight into your eyes. “But it’s getting better. And so will you.” And I’ll be right there with you. Logan watched as you contemplated his words for long moments, and then, just when he was about to speak again, you smiled, letting out a long, slow exhale.

“I will.” Logan let out his breath too, pressing his forehead against yours. “I need to take those pills they gave me, Logan, and I want to lay down, I’m exhausted.” Of course you do.

“Yeah, so.” He cleared his throat. “You um, don’t have anything to sleep in.” Your eyes widened and you bit back a laugh as he continued. “So you’re gonna wear my sweats, and we’re not gonna worry about a shirt, ok?” He pulled away, bending down and helping you into the pants, feeling your hand on his shoulder for balance as he pulled them up, settling them low on your waist. “I grabbed you a robe if you want to… since it’s cold in the room.” You allowed him to help you into the robe one arm at a time, starting with the arm he carefully removed from the sling, and before too long, you’d brushed your teeth and climbed into bed next to him, Logan wearing only another pair of underwear and you with a bare strip of skin visible between the two sides of the untied robe. Without speaking, you shifted, moving closer to him and waiting, and before he could talk himself out of it, Logan reached out to you, drawing you closer to his body. As close as possible.

Finally settled a minute later, he was leaning against the headboard and you were leaning against him, Logan’s arms around you from behind and his hands resting lightly over the bandage on your stomach, one thumb swiping gently above it. This is perfect. “This can’t be comfortable for you, Logan, I’m sorry, I -”

“Look.” He clenched his jaw as he thought about what he wanted to say, and finally settled on the truth - in as few words possible. “I’ll sleep like this with you every single night until you’re better if you let me. I need to feel you here, with me, against me, because it’s a reminder that you…” Logan swore. “Tell me you’re uncomfortable and we’ll… but I’m right where I want to be.” The room went quiet, and then you pulled yourself out of Logan’s arms - and he felt his heart sink. Where is she going? But you didn’t go far, turning and kneeling over his lap and leaning in, raising your arm to touch his face. “What are you doing, that’s your-”

“I don’t care.” Your voice quiet, you kissed him, Logan fighting to keep his hands off of you. I’ll hurt her, I can’t, I… “Logan.” It was only one word, but he heard everything in it - gratitude, relief, desire, reverence - and he acted, sliding one hand around to your back beneath the robe, the other tangling in your still damp hair. “I need this as much as you do,” you breathed, lips moving against his. “Need you.” He nodded quickly, tilting his head to the side and took over, kissing you like he’d wanted to for the previous few days - deep and slow, feeling your body melt toward his, though he knew it likely caused you pain. You sighed without breaking the kiss, and Logan felt your nails against his cheek, hand moving back toward his hair. No, she can’t, she can’t raise her arm that high. He pulled away suddenly, breathing hard, and you whined out his name. “Where are you going, I -”

“Can’t get too carried away, you’re…” Fuck. “As much as I want to keep this up, unless we stop now, I’ll hurt you.” He tugged your hair gently, drawing your attention. “And I won’t do that. Ever.” You contemplated his words for long moments, Logan watching closely as you straightened your shoulders before looking back at him, the look in your eyes one of certainty.

“I love you, Logan.” It was only the second time he’d heard you say it to him, and he realized that he’d been waiting to hear it again, wanting to see what it sounded like when you weren’t reacting, when it came from you. “So much, and…” You pulled your hand back, and Logan continued to cradle the back of your head, waiting. “I’m sorry I thought you were just feeling guilt or pity or… shit.” You sniffed, chewing on your lip. “You don’t do that, I was just…giving you an out, and -”

“Don’t need one.” He kissed you again. “Don’t want one.” Logan’s teeth closed gently on your lower lip and he heard you whimper quietly, but it wasn’t in pain, and he groaned as he reluctantly pulled away. Not the time, Delos. “And when you’re feeling better and we’re back home?” Logan eased you off of his lap and pulled you back against his chest, feeling you relax against him. “I’ll prove it to you.”

“Can’t wait.” Home? Did he mean LA, or… You kissed his chest, palm of your hand flat against his abdomen. “Goodnight, Logan.”

---

As always, feel free to ask to be added or removed to this tag list. No hard feelings.

General:

@the-blind-assassin-12 @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @obscurilicious @sweetybuzz25 @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @gollyderek @poindexted @ificouldhelpyouforget @elanor-of-imladris @thesandbeneathmytoes @luminex3 @geeksareunique @weallhaveadestiny @mfackenthal @thesumofmychoices @yannii04 @beautiful-thinking @drinix @agentlingerie @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @dreams-with-thoughts @wangmangagavroche @traeumerinwitzhelden @jigsawlover10 @malionnes @addictedtofictionalcharacters @riddlefeeligns

Logan Delos:

@nananananananananananabatman @damalseer @chibiyanai @life-is-a-melody @songtoyou

Uncategorized:

@banditthewriter @madamrogers @ethereal-heavcns @editboutique @marauderskeeper @ilkaeliseb @delicatelilyflower @king4thesirens @ymariejp @mr-robot-x @rageshots @introvertedlibrary @writing-for-a-chance @yesixoxo @ilikebeachessushiandsmallanimals @likeorions @swiftyhowlz @dylanobrusso @malik-payne @lynne1993 @ladyblablabla @dreamwritesimagines @audreychaz @tc-elliot @kind-wolf @honeyydippaa @binbonsadoration @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @ms-delos @jeanettexkillian @avengerswhore @elioelioeli0 @projectcampbell @giggleberts

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ashandasindatails · 5 years

Text

Taffy’s Priestess

1700 words-ish Girl meets the dragon deity who she worships above the rest, the beginning of her long career of serving as her high priestess.

Short little story about a friend’s universe featuring me as a not dragon! This is the only story so far with that, haha. Basically just an Asinda AU.

Unfortunately italics did not copy over and I’m too lazy to go find every single instance of them, so sorry about that. On shorter posts I’ll remedy that; on longer ones I likely won’t be writing in tumblr so I’ll probably have a Docs link too.

Rest of the story under the cut!

Asinda was tired of walking.

She couldn’t stop, of course, but that was little consolation. What did make her keep trudging on was the thought of what she might find.

It had been three days now of walking through the forest. It wasn’t the biggest forest ever, but one dryad can only go so far in a day, even if they don’t have the brush to contend with like everyone else. So, it had been almost half a week of walking, foraging, and constant vigilance. She had Worrywort to keep her eyes open, but she was starting to feel the strain.

She ignored the strain. Asinda would walk for weeks to find what she was looking for, if she had to.

She ducked under a branch, letting the top of her head brush against it. The moisture from last night’s rain slipped off onto her head, peppering it in droplets. The small red and white flowers on her head began to soak it up. They were shaped like miniature dragon wings, hence the name Sprouting Flight. They were a rare breed, and probably what had started her fascination with dragons. Her mother claimed that meant that she was destined for something rare.

That ‘something rare’ had already passed.

In her youth, Asinda had been attacked by an illness that kept her bedridden for weeks. She had finally managed to pull out of it, after much praying and much medicine. She had mostly recovered, but the high fever had made its mark on her mind. She tended to talk a little bit slower, now, and she had a hard time staying on her feet. The forest helped with that; the soft touch of a vine or a nudge from a branch had protected her from many a fall. She didn’t see the effects, much, though people still commented on how she had changed.

Asinda didn’t care to notice.

Her jaunt through the woods was almost coming to a close for the day. The darkening sky meant that it would soon be too late to continue walking. Although this forest was kind, Asinda didn’t think the trees would appreciate her bouncing off of them in the dark, tumbling around in the bracken. So, she searched her surroundings in the twilight woods, finding a little clearing against a cliff face to spend the night. There looked to be a pair of caves carved into it, but Asinda preferred sleeping under the stars than in total darkness, dim as the light shining through the canopy was.

She set up for the night, letting her pack slide to the ground, digging around inside it. She didn’t need to make a fire - the summer night air kept her warm, and she didn’t need light for anything important. Plus, the forest didn’t like it.

Asinda changed into a set of sleeping clothes, made from a softer, lighter fabric. She made up a bed from the leaf litter on the ground, easing herself down into its soft fragrance.

Even when the moon was at its peak, she still wasn’t asleep.

Asinda sighed, shifting her position slightly. She was worried this would happen. On sleepless nights like this, she usually had Lyel, her tiny handmade dragon, to help soothe her to sleep. For some reason, she was the only one who could do it with any consistency. Even my sleep is dominated by scales, Asinda thought wryly.

There was one other thing she could do, but Asinda loathed the thought. When her flowers had just begun to grow, her mother had written a song, as she loved to do. It was about a young maiden searching for dragons. Even then, they had been a defining aspect of her person. Asinda’s mother often described her love for the divine beings as a glow, shining out from her heart and bathing everything around her in a bright light. Asinda had always giggled at the description. She couldn’t see how it shone outside of her, but she hadn’t questioned her mother on it.

She began to hum. The tune of the song was simple, but it had little complexities that made it unique. Asinda had never heard it played with an instrument, though she longed to. Working up the courage, she began to softly sing the words, letting her voice float through the trees. It warbled and wavered, not quite the right pitch, but always clear. She hadn’t ever sung it before, not even to an audience of flora such as she had. The life around her relaxed as it listened to her sing.

And Asinda drifted into sleep.

She was woken by a voice. It whispered softly, threading through her mind, pleasing and soft. It felt big - much bigger than any voice she had felt before. It knocked her out of her slumber, and Asinda opened her eyes to meet the green filtering down through the canopy. She couldn’t see where the voice had come from. Must have been a dream...

She stretched, sitting up. It was about an hour past dawn, judging by the angle of the light. She had slept late. I’ll have to pick up the pace today. She was heading towards the center of the forest, where she was more likely to run into the Drake of the Forest: Taphruss. Asinda had heard a rumor that the Drake was headed towards the Heart, and had set off in an instant, the temptation of being able to meet a dragon too much for her to resist.

After a morning call to the forest, Asinda had a small breakfast of fruit before packing up. She climbed to her feet, ready to continue her solemn march.

“Where are you off to, little one?”

Asinda froze in her tracks. That was… that was the voice from her dream. She glanced around herself frantically, trying to see who had spoken.

She was met with the cliff she had slept beside shifting and looking at her with sharp, piercing, beautiful eyes.

Taphruss.

Asinda’s mind jerked to a stop like a horseback rider hit by a pike. She couldn’t process what was in front of her. The only thing her head could come up with was DRAGON. It circled around, swimming through her empty consciousness. Nothing else could connect, not a single emotion or thought. Not even the dragon’s speech broke the spell.

“Little one? Are you well?” The enormous dragoness tilted her head to the side, inspecting. Asinda. “Has something gone wrong?”

And suddenly she could speak.

“OHMYGOSHIT’SYOUISLEPTNEXTTOYOURFACEI’MSORRYIDIDN’TREALIZEYOUWERETHEREANDIT’SACTUALLYTAFFYI’MSOSORRYDOINEEDTOBOWORSOMETHING?”

Taphruss blinked, surprised at the outpouring of words. “Calm, little one. What was that you called me?”

“T… T-Taffy.” Asinda blushed bright red, a stark contrast to the dark greens and browns of the dragon’s scales. “That… that’s what I used t-to, um, to call you when… when I was younger.” She omitted the part about playing make-believe with her imaginary versions of the Drakes. That detail was probably unnecessary.

The ground rumbled. It took Asinda a second to realize that it was Taphruss laughing. “Taffy,” she repeated, tasting the word, drawing it out. “I… well, I believe I like it, although that might be morning drowsiness. It fits your voice.”

Asinda had no response.

The dragon began to move, the trees seeming to slip around her, barely even rustling as her scales flowed between them. A large tail came forward, directly towards Asinda. Before she could move, it stopped right in front of her feet. The end was covered in a huge tuft of fur that was the color of bright summer moss.

“Come, little one. I’d like to hear more from you.” Taphruss sat still. Did she… did she want her to climb on her tail? The Drake of the Forest, inviting her - a crippled dryad - to ride on her back? These beings were literal gods. What… what was going on?

“I… I would… l-love… yes!” In her haste to board the Drake’s tail, Asinda forgot to be careful. Her feet tangled with each other, sending her face-first into the dirt.

Her world crashed down with her. Was she really about to do this? Would it be disrespectful? What if Taphruss actually didn’t like her? What if she couldn’t keep up with her expectations? She began to tremble, all of her thoughts mixing in a whirlwind, scattered like leaves before a gale.

She picked herself up slowly, staring at the ground, now shaking like an aspen. She bowed low before Taphruss, Drake of the Forest, and now witness to her clumsiness. She desperately clawed her lessons in court speech from the depths of her memory back to the surface. “I’m sorry, my, my Lady… I’ve been left with a poor sense of balance since youth.” She gulped, choosing her next words carefully. “Are… well, are you sure I’m worthy to… to be in your presence?”

Taphruss just laughed. “Of course, little one. If you weren’t, I would not have allowed you to stay near me all night. As it is, your song of dragons enchanted me. I would hear more, if you are willing.”

“I… my mother. She taught me the song.” Asinda cringed at her response.

“I would meet her, then. Come, guide me to her. I promise, little one, you are more than welcome on my back.” The dragon smiled. It was radiant, full of an intense love. And it was focused entirely on her.

That was all the convincing she needed.

“O-okay!” Asinda said, scrambling up onto the tail, walking along it carefully, all the way up it’s length until she reached Taffy’s back. It took several minutes, due to the sheer size of the dragoness and her careful, shaky movements, but the goddess stayed still and waited patiently for Asinda to make it all the way. At one point, she reminded her to take care, raising a blush on Asinda’s cheeks.

Asinda could feel the glow inside her heating up. She was atop a dragon. It was incredible. Taffy looked back to make sure she was settled, and Asinda was met with a striking profile of her face, all elegant curves and fine edges. She knew, from that moment, that she wouldn’t leave Taffy’s side unless she was forced. The thought of not being here, able to run her hands along the giant, green scales, filled her with dread. She loved every part of this being. She had walked for days just to catch a glimpse of a dragon; it was hard to believe that she had met one the one she longed to see.

The crown of Sprouting Flight on her head swayed as Taffy ruffled her wings.

The Drake and her new priestess slipped through the sunlight towards home.

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too-queer-to-live · 5 years

Text

I know pride month is literally almost over but I was inspired by this post to compile a list of songs that Hit Differently when covered by a queer artist/interpreted as explicitly queer:

“Accidentally in Love” by The Counting Crows (yes, the one from Shrek)

“So she said, ‘What’s the problem, baby?’ What's the problem? I don't know, well maybe I'm in love... How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love”

Cover by Mia Wray

“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri

“Heart beats fast, colors and promises, how to be brave, how can I love when I'm afraid to fall? ... time stands still, beauty in all she is”

“A Whole New World” from Aladdin

“When did you last let your heart decide? ... A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view; no one to tell us no or where to go or say we're only dreaming”

Cover by princepeterwolf | Violin Cover by The Shirtless Violinist (ft. gay music video)

“Boys” by Charli XCX

“Don't be mad, don't be mad, not like I had a choice, I was busy thinking 'bout boys”

Cover by gay artist Sakima (with modified lyrics) | Cover by Alex Heart

“Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon

“I can't fight this feeling any longer, and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow, what started out this friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show... I can’t fight this feeling anymore, I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for”

Gay Music Video

“Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley (insp)

“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can’t help falling in love with you?”

Cover by The Sydney Gay & Lesbian Choir | Cover by Pentatonix

“Cut to the Feeling” by Carly Rae Jepsen

“I've been denying how I feel, you've been denying what you want, (you want from me) talk to me baby”

“Delicate” by Taylor Swift

“Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate”

“Dirty Little Secret” by The All-American Rejects

“When we live such fragile lives, it’s the best way we survive... you are the only one that needs to know; I’ll keep you my dirty little secret; don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret”

“Don’t Matter” by Akon

“Nobody want to see us together, but it don’t matter, no... cause we gonna fight... fight for our right to love”

“For Good” by Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel - From Wicked

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn... I do believe I have been changed for the better, and because I knew you... I have been changed for good”

“Girls” by The 1975

“I'm worrying about my brother finding out; what’s the fun in doing what you're told?”

Cover by Daisy Clark

“Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy” by Fall Out Boy

“Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman, maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town”

Cover by headlesscabbage

“Heaven” by Julia Michaels

“Love's my religion but he was my faith, something so sacred so hard to replace; falling for him was like falling from grace... no need to imagine, ‘cause I know it’s true; they say all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you”

Cover by Mark Jeffcoat

“Heaven’s Gate” by Fall Out Boy

“In the end if I don't make it on the list, would you sneak me a wristband? Or would you give me... a boost over Heaven's gate? I'm gonna need a boost ‘cause everything else is a substitute for your love”

“If It Kills Me” by Jason Mraz

“Well all I really wanna do is love you, a kind much closer than friends use... This double life I lead isn't healthy for me, in fact it makes me nervous; if I get caught I could be risking it all”

“I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz

“It's our God-forsaken right to be loved... so I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait”

“Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield

“Jessie's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine... I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot ”

Cover by queer artist Mary Lambert

“Let it Go” by Demi Lovato - From Frozen

“Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried; don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be; conceal, don't feel, don't let them know, well, now they know; let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore”

“Like Real People Do” by Hozier

“Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips; we should just kiss like real people do”

“Make You Miss Me” by Sam Hunt

“Every boy you ever met was too easy to forget, well, I ain't going out like that”

Cover by Sophia Scott

“Mr. Brightside” by The Killers

“Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine”

ps: It’s a Bisexual Anthem

“Never Stop” by SafetySuit

“And with this love song to you, it’s not a momentary phase”

“Night Changes” by One Direction

“She's falling, doesn't even know it yet, having no regrets is all that she really wants; we're only getting older baby”

Cover by Georgia Merry

“Perfect” by Ed Sheeran

“We are still kids, but we're so in love, fighting against all odds; I know we'll be alright this time”

Cover by Hannah Trigwell | Cover by Luciana Zogbi | Cover by The Shirtless Violinist ft. Tom Goss | Gay Music Video

“Rainbow” by Kesha

“You'll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby trust me, I know life is scary but just put those colors on, girl, come and play along with me tonight”

“Reflection” (Pop Version) by Christina Aguilera - From Mulan

“You may think you see who I really am, but you’ll never know me; every day it’s as if I play a part... I can fool the world but I cannot fool my heart... Somehow I will show the world what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am; who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know? Must I pretend that I’m someone else for all time? When will my reflection show who I am inside?”

“Rude” by MAGIC!

“Don’t you know I’m human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I’m gonna marry her anyway... no matter what you say”

Cover by Kina Grannis | LGBT Cover w/ altered lyrics: “It’s not a phase, can't live without her; love me or hate me we will be gay standing at that altar, or we will run away to a more accepting place”

“She Looks so Perfect” by 5SOS

“Let's get out, cause this deadbeat town's only here just to keep us down... You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear”

Cover by Against The Current

“Shut Up And Dance” by Walk The Moon

“Oh don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me; I said you're holding back, she said shut up and dance with me; this woman is my destiny”

Instrumental Cover by the Lesbian & Gay Big Apple Corps | Cover by Natalie Joly

“Single” by The Neighbourhood

“I don't know if we should be alone together, I still got a crush, that's obvious, if nobody's around, what's stopping us?”

Cover by NeLLa

“Something to Talk About” by Bonnie Raitt

“They keep saying we laugh just a little too loud, we stand just a little too close, we stare just a little too long-- maybe they're seeing something we don't, darlin... let’s give ‘em something to talk about, how about love?”

“Take Me to Church” by Hozier (official video features gay couple)

“The only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you; I was born sick, but I love it, command me to be well”

Cover by gay artist Jonathon Royse | Cover by Ellie Goulding

“The Only Exception” by Paramore

“Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts, and we've got to find other ways to make it alone but keep a straight face”

“Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran

“People fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand... maybe we found love right where we are”

“Out and Proud” by Gangsta Gudiya feat. Nikhil D’souza and Ugoeze - w/ altered lyrics: “People fall in love in every which way, whether it’s a woman or man; doesn’t really matter if I’m straight or gay, I don’t want my love to be bad, so honey now please accept me for who I am; let me live life the only way I can”

“This Is What You Came For” by Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna (inspired by this post)

“Everybody’s watching her but she’s looking at you”

“Thnks fr th Mmrs” by Fall Out Boy

“He tastes like you, only sweeter”

“Treat You Better” by Shawn Mendes

“I know I can treat you better than he can” (and, as I used to mishear it, “any guy like you deserves a gentleman”)

Cover by gay artist TheVloggingNook | Lesbian Version w/ altered lyrics: “any gay like you deserves a lesbian”

“Video Games” by Lana del Ray

“They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you; baby now you do”

Cover by The Young Professionals (the main reason this song made the list)

“You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift

“You say you’re fine- I know you better than that, hey whatcha doing with a girl like that?... Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time”

Gay Music Video Re-Make by The YellowJackets

“You’ll Be In My Heart” by Phil Collins

“Why can't they understand the way we feel? They just don't trust what they can't explain; I know we're different, but deep inside us we're not that different at all... don't listen to them, ‘cause what do they know? We need each other, to have, to hold”

(Feel free to add more!!)

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