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neeeruh · 4 years ago

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Saturday, February 20, 2021

I’m so tipsy right now. I had a busy day today. Although I would have loved to sleep in. It was impossible with my chihuahua barking his head off. Just him by the way. I have no idea what the other two were doing but they were angels letting me sleep. So, eventually I got up and got ready for the day. I haven’t worked all week, because I needed a break from life, my negative thoughts, and my emotions. So today, I got up, put a little makeup on, and actually wore decent clothes. No pajamas this time. I wasn’t going anywhere. Just stayed home and cleaned. That was enough for me to feel accomplished. I also played loud music and at some point started drinking. Which in my mind I was only going to have fun, and by the way always eat something before you drink. I felt it right away. Then when Daniel and my sister got home, we finally went to papagalino like we planned forever ago. Had more drinks there, I also had a coffee. My mistake. The combination of alcohol and coffee don’t mix. I’m wide awake now and I feel anxious. Should’ve known. I need to stop doing that to myself.

I promise myself to limiting my drinking habit. One drink on the weekend and that’s it. I’m too old (I’m almost thirty) to be drinking as if I was 21 again. The older you get the longer your hang over lasts.. atleast I think that’s how it goes. Regardless, drinking triggers anxiety and recently I’ve noticed it triggers negative feelings as well. Eventually I plan to not drink at all. I also plan to limit my coffee intake. Maybe just on the weekends. Find an alternative during the week. Who knows, right now they’re just thoughts. I’m working on bettering myself slowly.

Today I sent Daniel a message. I told him that I was happy we met and that I’m glad he is still in my life, and that I loved him very much. Of course with everything happening lately, with me being in such a negative state of mind, which I’m finally snapping out of, he almost cried. Or maybe he did, he was at work. He called me and I couldn’t help but smile. He makes me so happy. I was thinking of the day we first hung out as friends. Not long after that we started liking each other, life with him moved so fast. I’ve had a lot of firsts with him, I regret none of them. He makes life interesting.

I’m writing again! I’m so proud of myself. I’m patting myself on the back mentally. Too lazy to reach back there. Okay, goodnight!

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